#like ive never felt this good about myself and all i did was change the way i refer to myself its so

[sydmarch]

spent months like I need prescription for my mental health give me prescription please please & now that I have it I'm like hm. do I want to have to take meds, actually

[fardf150]

fuck

[mrfoox]

Ok new theory as to why I seem to have liked and trusted Oliver since the beginning: he's an fellow chameleon and I could just feel it and relate at once

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations #2🌻💛

🌼💛Just an update so far, I have a 5th house stellium in my chart this year and life has felt so carefree. Life made me get rid of my old crush and made me focus on myself for a while(Pluto) until just friday I met someone new unexpectedly(Vertex). I havent felt this feeling in almost 3 years its really exhilarating feeling like this and I actually have a good feeling about it. It felt like I was meant to cross paths with him at this point in my life right now because im actually focused on my higher self. I feel that Vertex along with other major planets like the Sun, Mars, Mercury, Pluto, and POF made meeting him feel fated because for one ever since Ive met him ive consequently crossed paths with him multiple times in just the span of 3 days. Its not a deep connection however(5th house) but I hope to beat the odds and make something out of it. So overall, Ive had lots of fun, peace, and new interests in love.

🌼💛So I recently just discovered this, but you can go and find your monthly/daily transit chart and overlap it to your natal or solar return chart to see how your school, career, family, or love life will be. I was wondering why was it that I never got the opportunity to meet someone in matters of romance but i did multiple times in friendships and then I saw that in my transit charts I never had Venus in the 7th house until last month. Venus had always been in like the 11th, the 10th, or the 3rd and school and friends was what was constant in my life. Sometimes even having Venus in the 8th can mean a change in your love life. I even looked all the way through 2022 and 2023 and all 12 months there was not one placement of Venus/Mars/Moon in the 5th or 7th until my transit chart of Febuary 29. Venus conjuncted Mars in the 8th and what happened? I saw the new guy who was exactly my type and I found interest in him. My next transit will be March 30 with Venus, Saturn, and Neptune in the 7th, and Mars conjunct the descendant. Im hoping that things will go well and I can get the courage to talk to him but we'll seeee.

🌼💛Having Jupiter in the 1st just means your whole year will be filled with luck youll just have things fall right into your hands.

🌼💛Uranus in the 9th house is lowkey feeling lost on what path you should take regarding school or just feeling disconnected from school in general. I have this right now and ive been having trouble locking in on my school work and i dont know how i want to plan my schedule for next year. Im just going with the flow atp.

🌼💛Venus in the 4th house means your family will spoil you and make you feel loved.

🌼💛Ok so im not really liking the attention ive been getting from having Lilith exactly conjunct the Ascendant. It feels like every where i go theres been men staring at me creepily and theres this guy on the track team who keeps touching me and crossing my boundries and personal space and it makes me so uncomfortable. Its so grimy and I hate it.

🌼💛Look at the dominant planet and see what house it falls in. Last year i had a dominant planet of moon and it fell in the 12th house conjunct mars. All imma say is that last year was one of the worse but strengthening years for me mentally.

🌼💛Venus in the 9th house means you’ll probably get a chance to travel. I had it in the 4th degree and i went to California from Texas because of a wedding on my moms side.

🌼💛Ive noticed that Vertex in the 5th doesnt always necessarily mean youll meet someone, it just means that youll get a lot of opportunities to go out and have fun.

🌼💛Saturn in the 6th/10th means standing on business.

🌼💛Chiron in the 5th may be a year where you feel burnt out. Make sure to take a break.

🌼💛Moon in libra will beautify a relationship depending on whatever house its in. Ex- first house: your appearance, 3rd: your relationship with siblings, 5th house: with your romantic partners or your inner self. It could also mean you feel romantic this year and could even have more opportunities given to you to express those feelings.

🌼💛7th house Neptune means having dreamy fantasies about people you wanna date. Could have your head in the clouds or you can just have high hopes regarding this area. Could be spiritually calming regarding partnerships but you can be manipulated and gaslighted too if your not careful.

🌼💛Venus in the 10th means being called beautiful all the time during that year. So many strangers used to stop me in the hallways to tell me I was pretty that year.

🌼💛Chiron and Neptune in the 1st means not being able to see your beauty.

🌼💛Venus or Jupiter in the 2nd means splurging on skincare, makeup, and clothes.

🌼💛Having Chiron in the 4th is not fun lol. Could mean family problems, struggling to feel at home when youre at home, and having trouble having a safe space.

🌼💛Leo Ascendant years will make you feel popular.

🌼💛Venus in the 6th could make you follow health, beauty, and workout routines or it could oppositely make you feel lazy and not wanna do anything. It also means feeling comfortable at work or find a interest at work.

🌼💛In 2020 when covid hit I had Saturn in the 5th house and it makes so much sense looking back. We were forced to be isolated and I couldnt go out because of the lockdown. Dont get me wrong though I still had alot of fun with my family but I feel like my middle school experience wouldve been alot different if that hadnt happened.

🌼💛Having a Cancer Ascendant back in 2015 was when my older cousin got married and that was a big event for our family that girl spent almost a 100k on her wedding. She was the first to get married out of the kids in the family. Even having Cancer degrees in the chart will mean change or some significant event in your family life.

Thats all for today hope yall enjoyed:)

[etherealkissed88]

i got what i wanted in the 3d but why did i keep assuming negative?

today i found myself assuming that something negative (that ive experienced before) was going to happen again soon. but this was without any clear evidence that it would happen. there was subtle evidence but then i caught myself and realized that is was all an assumption and i thought “why am i even assuming negative if i know the power of the law?💀” so i decided it wouldnt end up that way and i let it go. hours later i saw clear evidence of the complete opposite of my negative assumption. this means that everything was going good like no negative shit was gonna happen and i still literally got physical evidence of what i wanted. at the same time, i felt uncertain and again assumed that negative thing was still gonna happen soon (even tho i saw evidence that it it wouldnt happen).

why did i feel uncertain even tho what i wanted appeared right in front of me? because in reality, i was chasing the feeling. i wasnt fulfilled, i wasnt satisfied within. this is what ppl mean when they say “its the feeling you want, you dont want it in the 3d”. sure you want the object and the physical experience but notice how the “real” and physical thing did not satisfy me at all. i literally manifested what i wanted yet i didnt feel like it would last. the 3d will never give you what you want. it will always be that inner fulfillment that gives you want you want. fulfillment is what gives you the satisfaction so if youre saying that you manifested something in the 3d and felt secure, thats because you were fulfilled. why did i also get what i wanted in the 3d yet i didnt feel secure? it will always come down to the fulfillment. that fulfillment is the FEELING! the feeling of knowing you have it despite seeing it in the 3d or not. this is also why the 3d never matters; its all neutral. bc everything IS based on assumptions and states. you see the world based on which state you are in. if im in the state of being broke, i will look at a $50 headphones as too expensive and i wouldnt feel secure in buying it. but if i was in the state of being a millionaire, i would look at a $50 headphones as if it was fifty cents and i would feel secure in even buying a more expensive one. its not about the 3d, its about if you feel fulfillment because either way if you have it in the 3d and still dont feel as if its not rly yours (fulfillment), then you will continue to assume negative and feel unsecured in your manifestation.

“as within so without” right? this is why when you are satisfied internally, you feel satisfied externally; it gets pushed out because self is always expressed in the 3d. someone who is not satisfied with being a millionaire within, can never feel good in the 3d until they fulfill themselves within (or change states where being a millionaire is normal for them). everything truly is the feeling and everything truly starts within.

back to assumptions: i continued to assume negative even with positive evidence in front of me because i wasnt giving myself the feeling. i didnt feel satisfied within. assumptions are accepting ideas without evidence. i clearly assumed correctly because i didnt have evidence that that negative thing was going to happen but i clearly was in a state of fear which is what caused me to continuously have that assumption. whatever state you are in affects your assumptions. lucky for me and you, we can change states and assumptions instantly. other than that, next time you find yourself assuming negative, stop yourself and just decide/assume it will all work out. change your state -> you are now the person who already has what they want.

anywayz, i realized all this in a span of 7 seconds after i got the physical thing i wanted but still assumed negative. i wanted to make this post because ppl could be doing the same thing and still feeling stuck and thinking that something is wrong with them when thats not the case. catch yourself and assume positive. make it a habit that whenever you want something, fulfill yourself right away. assume its done right away. update: i assumed and fulfilled myself with what i wanted and i no longer feel the need to assume the negative shit 😛. the power of fulfillment am i right ?

kisses, jani ☆

[evansbby]

an update from me :)

hey everyone, i know i haven’t been very active on here lately. and the reason is because a lot of things in my life have changed. i’ve been debating even sharing this but i feel like i’m in a good enough position to be okay with sharing it.

so these past two years, i had been super active on here (late 2022- early 24) and that was because, well, I didn’t really have anything else. that’s because I had graduated in 2022 and then i just couldn’t find a job in my field. like so many other recent graduates, it was just so hard and tough and it really made me lose all faith in myself.

i found myself to be in the worst mental state i had ever been. I cut myself off from my friends, felt like a burden towards my family, was having meltdowns and panic attacks almost daily, even started eating unhealthily and was just overall in a very bad place.

HOWEVER, i always felt like I could come on tumblr and that’s why i was so active and writing all these stories because honestly, they were almost like a crutch to me. like the ONE thing i had to look forward to in life during those times was the feedback I’d get when i posted a fic, and honestly it’s what kept me going. like i swear to god, on some days this blog and community was the only thing that i had to look forward to and keep me going, and writing felt like such a huge escape.

because i felt so USELESS. like i was wasting my life and not making any money or being able to kickstart my career after uni, and that it would be like this forever, so when I was writing it actually felt like I was doing something with a purpose. honestly on some days I would literally wake up early and go sit in Starbucks all day just writing my fics like i was cosplaying working or something just so I’d have a purpose. (I don’t go to Starbucks anymore lol boycott)

anyways, i never shared this on tumblr these past few years bc you guys don’t understand what a failure i felt like. i would sometimes get asks on here asking what i did for a job and I’d feel so embarrassed of my current state of being unable to find a job when it felt like everyone else who had graduated with me had one and obtained one so easily. like i felt ASHAMED.

i remember once i got an ask asking what my job was and I just said “fashion marketing” bc that was one of the things i wanted to do and id done an internship in that field so i just put that but it was a LIE i was unemployed and the most depressed ive been in my whole life but I thought maybe i could manifest it.

ANYWAYS, and you’ve probably already guessed it, but the reason I’m not so active anymore is because I did eventually find a job. a really good one that I’m enjoying so much and I’m so happy at. Finally, I’m feeling like myself again, like I’m living that life in London as a twenty something that I’d see everyone on tiktok living!! Like I’m finally just having fun, going out with friends, being active, having money to spend on fun things etc.

and it feels so surreal and crazy because when i was depressed and jobless, it made me doubt myself so much. Like the constant rejections and failed interviews made me doubt myself and lowered my self esteem so much and I thought I’d NEVER achieve this life that i have now! And I don’t want to jinx it but I literally thank God every day for finally granting me this because I really feel like I would’ve gotten worse and worse and IDEK.

But back to the main point, and so because of my new job I just don’t have that much time for tumblr anymore. But this isn’t a goodbye post… not at all! I find that when I’m super busy in life is also when I get the most motivated to write! Like for example in summer 2022 I was on here so much and that was the summer I had the most fun, was the most busy. I think when I’m busy in life, I get motivated to write.

Which I believe is the case right now, because I’m SO motivated to complete all my stories, I keep thinking about them and writing them slowly, so please don’t think anything is abandoned! I just wanted to make this post to be more transparent about what’s been going on in my life and what had been going on these past two years. That maybe someone else going through something similar can see that eventually, everything does work out.

Anddd I don’t really know how to end this. I just want to say, yall don’t understand just how thankful I am for having this blog, this platform, to write my stories. For having you guys. Because who knows how much worse my mental state would’ve been these past two years when I didn’t have ANYTHING else going for me, if I hadn’t had this blog it would’ve been so much worse.

Thank you so much for believing in me and enjoying my stories and always always letting me know how much you enjoy them. And I’ll say the truth; I know everyone says that engagement on tumblr has been bad lately but I can say that bc of you guys I have literally never EVER had this issue. And that’s not me being big headed, that’s just the truth and it makes me so happy and grateful. Yall always came through for me and still do now! Every time I think my fic is going to flop, you guys come through for me. I appreciate it so much. You guys have no idea how much you helped me when I was at my lowest. And continue to.

Many thanks

Me 🩷🩷🫶🏼🫶🏼

[guccifrog]

WRONG NUMBER P16

matt sturniolo x f!reader

silly lil part 😛

y/n pov ☆

"hi, bitch!"I giggled as I walked into the familiar hospital room. It had been exactly two weeks since Matt woke up, but it felt like only yesterday. It took him at least three days to remember everything before the accident.

 The familiar scent of antiseptic and flowers filled the air, and his bed was neatly made, his favorite stuffed animal propped up against his pillow. 

"Miss me?"I asked as I shut the door behind me as I jokingly blew him a kiss. He glanced up at me, rolling his eyes but a small smile played on his lips. The IV in his arm was now gone, replaced by a thin line of Band-Aid, and he looked healthier than ever.

I took a seat at his bedside, placed the bag of food on the small table, and studied his face, marveling at how quickly he had healed. The bruises had faded, leaving only a faint reminder of the accident that had nearly taken him away from us.

"How are you?" I asked him, my voice gentle. "Feeling any better?" I leaned in, touching his arm lightly. He smiled up at me, his eyes meeting mine.

"I'm doing alright, I guess"He paused, looking away for a moment before turning back to me. "It's weird, you know? I feel... different. Like I can't shake this feeling that something's not quite right."

I frowned, concerned. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He hesitated for a moment before answering. "It's just... I keep thinking about the accident, and how close I came to dying. And now that I'm here, I feel like I should be grateful, but..." He trailed off, searching for the words.

I nodded, understanding. "It's a lot to process. Sometimes it takes time to adjust to big changes like that."

He nodded, looking away for a moment before turning back to look at me with a smirk " When did you get so wise ?" He asked teasingly. I rolled my eyes and crossed my hands over my chest "I've always been wise, you just never noticed."

He smiled and closed his eyes, resting his head back on the pillow. "So what's on the menu tonight?" He asked, changing the subject. "Oh, I got you some fried rice, chicken nuggets, and vegetable soup," I said, excited.

"I can't eat all of that." He protested weakly.

"Yes, you can." I insisted, handing him the plastic utensils. "You need to keep your strength up. Besides, I know you love fried rice Matty boy." I winked.

"I hate you" he sighed, faking a frown as he picked up a chicken nugget and popped it into his mouth. 

"Aww I love you too pookie" I giggled as Matt glared at me through his half-lidded eyes.

I pulled out my phone as Matt continued to eat, scrolling through social media and occasionally glancing up at him out of the corner of my eye. The silence between us was comfortable, and I found myself relaxing more and more as the minutes ticked by. 

"psst...y/n....Y/N!" 

"what- OUCH! Matt what the fuck?!" I rubbed my forehead in pain as he smacked me with a fork.

"You know, you really should learn how to pay attention." He said, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Anyways I'm bored"He sighed.

I glanced at the time on my phone and shrugged. "Well, you've been up for a while now. Maybe you should take a nap?" I suggested, he shook his head. "what do you want me to do then?"I asked and he shrugged.

"I don't know, entertain me?" he replied with a grin. "Tell me a story or something."

"Alright, alright," I sighed, racking my brain for a good story, but I suddenly got a better one idea. "You know what? I've got something better" He raised his eyebrows curiously.

I pulled out my phone again, quickly scrolling to find the familiar App I was looking for. Once I found it, I looked up at Matt smirking" I'm gonna read you a story" I cleared my throat and began to read:

"he smiled softly at her, his eyes twinkling. "The truth is...I've always loved you y/n, my girl, It has always been you. I just never had the courage to tell you because I'm a pussy. You mean the world to me, and I don't want to lose you" Dominic paused staring into her eyes, trying to find the right words to say. He never thought this moment would cum, but he was glad it did. He wanted nothing more than to be with her, to cherish her, and to love-"

"what the fuck are you reading" Matt interrupted me, I glared at him "I'm reading you a Dominic Fike fanfiction motherfucker duh, now shut up and listen." I rolled my eyes and continued.

"She stared at him, her eyes filling with tears. "Dominic..." she whispered his name, her voice cracking. "I... I love you too." Tears streamed down her face as she reached out and took his hand in hers. "I've always loved you too, honey bunny cream pie sugar boo I thought-"

Matt snorted, interrupting me again. "Okay, you know what? fuck you" I said as I shut my phone. He grinned. "Then you're going to miss out on the rest of the story." I sighed, as I turned my head to the side refusing to look at him.

"come on, I wanna know what happened next" he whined, batting his eyelashes. But I refused to let him win. "No." I inhaled, trying to ignore his pleading look. But suddenly I felt his warm hand grabbing mine. I glanced at him, taken aback as he brought my hand up to his lips and softly kissed my knuckles. "Pleeeease?" he begged. 

I felt my stomach flutter as his lips brushed against my skin. My face grew hot and I could feel myself blushing. The way he was looking at me. It made me weak. 

"Fine," I sighed, knowing I was defeated. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to focus on the story. "Well...," I began, but I couldn't get the words out. I felt his hand squeeze mine gently, encouraging me to continue. "They kissed," I blurted out, my face still flushed. "And they never stopped."

"wow," Matt said unimpressed, his hand still holding mine, his thumb drawing circles on my hand. "what's next? they fucked?"He giggled.

I gasped, trying not to laugh at his comment. "Shut up!" He giggled, not taking me seriously at all. 

"I wouldn't be surprised if you read stuff like that at this point," He grinned wider.

"Matthew Bernard!"

"Yes panties girl?"

taglist ☆

@mattestrella @chrisfavoritepepsi @sunsetsturniolos @littlebookworm803 @sturniozo @sturniolooooo @athaliahxoxo @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ev3rgreenxtrees @nonamegirlxsturniolo @crybabycat1 @mooniethesimp31 @ducksturniolo @ifilwtmfc @pepsiimaxx @sleepysturnss @lustfulslxt @ilovemattsworld @hrt-attack @flowerxbunnie @leprechaunbirthdaygirl @secret-sturniolo @iluvmeeen @that-general-simp @swangelss @familynotfandom @fuckshitslover @styles-sturniolo @lvr-111 @opheliaofficial07 @kiarastromboli @hearts4chriss @braindead4l @sturniolosreads @mattsturnzzz09 @itssophiasstuff @mayhem-72 @b2cute @buckys-celestes @4iriss @bitterspoons

[opertabry]

wrong number smau ➝ q&a (half written)

synopsis ➝ peer pressured by your group members, you ask a fellow idol for her number. but when you texted her that night, you realised that she wasn’t the person you were texting. what you didn’t know was that she gave karina’s, aepsa’s hotshot visual and leader, number to you.

chapter 21 ➝ q&a

“i gotta go and get my makeup redone, i’ll be right back to watch you, okay?” karina whispers into your ear, making you jump slightly.

“wait what? aren’t we answering the questions together?”

“nope, it was a last minute thing. making us go solo you cool with that?” you nod slowly while furrowing your eyebrows as you felt her nudge you towards the chair that was set up in the middle of a completely white set. you sighed before shuffling over to the chair and gently plopping yourself down. you glanced over to karina, who threw you finger guns before moonwalking into the makeup room.

you smiled, shaking your head. what a loser.

you played with your fingers nervously as you watched the interviewer sit herself down across from you.

“y/n, don’t be nervous, it’s just fan questions. we’ll be starting in five minutes. get yourself ready.” you never got used to the sound of the directors voice, it scared you because it was so loud - even if you knew it was coming. five minutes flew by, mainly because you were zoning out, but that did not feel like five minutes to you.

“okay, y/n, you ready?,” you nodded in the general direction of his voice, “and.. ACTION!”

interview starts;

[i: interviewer]

[y: y/n]

i: hello y/n

y: hi!

i: could you introduce yourself?

y: oh yes, sorry. [turns to camera, waving] hello, everyone! i’m kim y/n from lesserafim!

i: we have a series of questions from fans that they want us to ask you.

y: that’s exciting, i love answering fan questions.

i: so y/n, contrary to popular belief, i’m sure you’re not entirely fearless, right?

y: yes, not many people know this, [laughs] but i do have some fears but i’m working on them. so FEARNOTs, wait for me okay?

i: this is our first question from fimmiesupporters in atlanta; could you tell us some of your fears?

y: oh! atlanta, i’ve been there before, great place. um, are you sure i’m allowed to say anything i want?

i: slice of life is all about transparency, so yes.

y: uh well, im really scared of alcohol, spiders and people. i got that from zuha actually.

i: ah kazuha! ive seen that clip, it was with sakura right? but alcohol? why?

y: yeah it was with kkura unnie. but that girl, zuha. [shakes head] i really want to look into her mind and see what’s in there. and i guess i’m scared of it because i’ve seen how bad it could get.

i: bad? how so?

y: when it becomes an addiction, and how it could really change a person. i’ve had someone i love lose themself to alcohol addiction. so it hits a little too close to home.

i: so, you probably don’t drink, right?

y: yeah, i cant bring myself to drink. i was actually supposed to go on youngji’s nothing prepared show, but i said i couldn’t.

i: so it’s just that you don’t like to drink? what about other people?

y: sort of? i mean, i don’t like to drink, we established that. and well, it’s not like i’m going to look down on people who drink. i mean, kkura unnie and chaewon drink quite a bit to relieve some stress too. i think i’ve already kind of warmed up to the idea of being around people who are drinking, but it’s just to the point where you are drunk and aren’t aware of what you’re saying or doing, that’s where i get uncomfortable.

i: so you’ve never drank alcohol before?

y: [shakes head] no i have, like once. when i turned 20. just a little sip though.

i: ah of course, you always have to try when you turn of age. so what do you think of the arising drinking shows that have recently become popular and trending?

y: it’s good entertainment, so i don’t really see a problem with it. but i, personally, won’t watch it.

i: so you haven’t seen chaewon’s or karina’s nothing prepared episodes?

y: no, i haven’t.

i: ah, i see. okay, next question! fearkkura from taiwan asks; i heard you’re a big twice fan, who’s your bias?

you opened your mouth to answer, but your eyes flickered to the figure standing by the door. karina. how long had she been standing there? and you felt yourself going into auto-pilot after that, you couldn’t focus properly when you could feel karina’s stare burning into your side.

woaaah y/n lore???

previous ⌊ masterlist ⌊ next

taglist ➝ @aeongiies @rd0265667 @kyaitosz @haerinkisser @mightymyo @limbforalimb @yoontoonwhs @i06kkura @sewiouslyz @jisooftme @justme-idle @noooodlessstuff @yerisdumbass @awkwardtoafault @pandafuriosa60 @jiwoneiric @haechansbbg @koeuh @beawolfbealionbeyou

[catgirlredux]

Technosymbiosis

Here's another mech story, inspired by/a continuation of this one:

I was the only one to figure it out. None of the others ever bothered to pay attention; between the natural casualties of war and the constant switching out of pilots, it didn’t make much sense to get too involved in each other’s lives. But something about Pilot Grieg, fellow member of Hoplite division V, captured my attention from the moment I saw her. While most of the other pilots were either frightened or overconfident on their first day (I nearly pissed myself from the anxiety), I could see nothing in her eyes but a fierce, powerful hunger. She stepped into the cockpit of her Hoplite and didn’t even flinch when the nanofilament harness closed around her chest.

I was entranced by her piloting skills and her determined, nearly emotionless behavior. All pilots tended to be a little cold, rumor had it that recruitment intentionally selected soldiers who scored lower on the EDEs due to the nature of some of our missions; but she was something else. Her face never changed outside of that cockpit, and she walked around with an ungainly clumsy stride, her gait resembling that of a much larger being. But when the mesh closed around her and the interface cable plugged into her neck, I swear her eyes sparkled brighter than ever and she sometimes even smiled. In the midst of battle, among dozens of rookie pilots disoriented and frightened by the steady flow of their mechs' peripheral data, Grieg maneuvered the battlefield more capably and calmly than anyone else. She was like the eye in a hurricane of titanium and lasers. She seemed to take to piloting so naturally.

It was a bit of an obsession for me. I never wanted to join the army, but at my family's civvie status it was either that, or spend the rest of my life working the same scrap hauls as my father and his father before him. I'm not sure I made the right choice: piloting was a lonely job, and our orders were always changing. The war had been going on since before I was even born and now that I was a part of it, I felt like it wasn't going to end anytime soon. I didn't even have anyone to confide in: between missions, I knew no one and no one bothered to know me. Still, a good soldier follows orders, so I took solace in what little consistency I had. Every time I suited up I kept an eye out for Grieg, hoping that we would get deployed together - that I would get another chance to study her.

That's why it didn't take me long to figure out - she was always there. Pilots were supposed to take regular breaks from duty to avoid excessive neurolink buildup, and these breaks were usually staggered within a division. I rarely flew out with the same Hoplite squad two weeks in a row. Yet every time I got ready for a patrol, I caught sight of Grieg skulking around the locker room already prepped. She usually looked like she hadn’t slept in days but she hopped into her suit with an eagerness unlike any other soldier in our division.

I really have no clue how nobody else caught on. I mean, it didn’t take a genius to figure it out: her constant presence, her aggressive combat tactics, her clear exhaustion versus her eagerness to pilot - Grieg was addicted to battle. Or something like that. I wasn’t sure whether it was the speed, or the action, or something else entirely. Maybe it had something to do with the depressant α-IVs - after my first time in the cockpit I spent a week throwing up. Maybe they did something weird to make her dependent on the mech?

Not that any of that mattered. Somehow she had managed to fuck with our shifts so that she was always on duty, strapped to a giant death machine. Her link was probably through the roof - god only knew how close she might be to terminus. I still remember the video they had showed us in training. A squad of pilots traveling in formation, when suddenly one of them lets out a bellowing screech and starts flailing around. The other units immediately try to suppress it but it fights like a beast, blasting and tearing at all who come near until finally it’s taken out with a TAC-beam to the core. It was terrifying - a team of twenty-one pilots reduced to just four, all because of a single terminus incident. The video ended on a close-up of the rogue pilot, emaciated limbs pinned down with thick nanomass cables, fluid flooding his throat and rivulets of blood trailing down wires that burrowed straight into his eyes. Pilots were taken off of active duty for a reason.

I decided to confront Grieg about it. I probably should have reported her to the division leader but something stopped me - curiosity perhaps. I had to know.

I stopped her in the locker room before a patrol.

“I know what you’ve been doing.”

She looked fucking exhausted. Her eyes were even more sunken in than when I first saw her, her lips were cracked and her hair was an oily mess. She smelled strongly of sweat mixed with the metallic sweetness of vitrofluid. Jesus christ, did she sleep in her mech? But her eyes still shone with that hungry anticipation, and she fucking smirked at me.

“I thought you’d catch on. I know you’ve been watching me. She told me.” Her voice sounded harsh, throat scraped up from constant alternation between air and vitro.

“She? She who?”

Grieg reached up and brushed a hand against my face. She wasn’t wearing the fingerless gloves that came standard with our uniforms. “How high is your link?” Her touch was cold. She had a look on her face like she was trying to read my mind.

“43.7. Well within safe limits.”

She laughed through her teeth. “Khh-kh-kh. Safe limits - of course, of course. Safe."

"Yes, unlike you." I brushed her hand away and she shivered. "Grieg, what the hell are you doing? You've attended the trainings, you know what happens when a pilot is deployed this often. Do you want to die?"

The smile she gave me was chilling, sympathetic but without her eyes changing emotion. "Terminus... you still believe that shit. Why wouldn't you? It's frightening, isn't it? The melding of pilot and machine, flesh mangled and twisted and mutated. Frightening... Say, have you ever spoken with your unit before?”

“Spoken? I’ve interacted with the situational matrix, yes…” All Hoplites possessed an AI of sorts designed to help pilots make split second decisions in the midst of battle. But I’d never really considering it “speaking”, any more than you would speak with a dog. It didn't have the capacity for conversation... right?

“No, no I mean speak. Have you ever listened to your unit, spoken with her, let her take the reins? No, you- of course you haven't. They're all just numbers on a screen to you, aren't they? Just another crazy killing machine for you to puppet around.

"Think - how many times has your Hoplite saved your life? How many deaths would you have died by now if it weren't for that protective, loving embrace of mesh and steel? That's what it really is. They love us. They need us. You never listen, you all never listen, but they love us. I complete her as much as she completes me. Don't you feel strange when you have to leave her? Doesn't it feel wrong - backwards?

Grieg pushed closer to me. I tried to back away but she pressed me against a wall and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “We're almost complete. Our link is at 99.7 percent.”

My heart beat in my chest like an autocannon. Grieg wasn’t just at risk - this bitch was about to fucking explode!

“I - I - you can’t. You’re going to - you’re going to kill everyone. I-”, but she placed a two fingers, rough from countless wire insertions, against my lips.

“Please. You don’t need to tell anybody. We don’t want to hurt anyone… we just want each other. We don't want to be tools anymore."

I was sweating in my suit. No Hoplite is that smart... right? Surely someone else would have been able to talk to theirs - Grieg’s must have had a glitch. A unit gone rogue; the thought was terrifying.

“S-snap out of it Grieg - please. Your suit... it's clearly wrong. It's bugging - w-we can fix this. You're n-not in control here.”

She just smiled. “Neither are you, hm?”

I shivered. She wasn't wrong... I hated the missions they sent us on sometimes. I followed orders because, quite frankly, I didn't want to go back home. I didn't want to live the rest of my life as an E-class, scraping by on small NDs and living in fear of police quota checks. In a way I guess I did take solace in the time I spent in my mech, time spent not worrying about my family I left behind or shyly observing other soldiers, worrying about what civilian encampment or occupied city the higher ups would send us to raze next.

Fuck. She had me all figured out, didn't she? Did she feel the same way? Did my Hoplite really complete me like that, and even worse, did I complete it? I felt lightheaded - this was too much. I should have reported her to our captain... but what if...

What if she was right? What if the Hoplites really could think and speak - really did want to connect with us? What if I... god, I couldn't believe I was thinking this, but what if I bonded to mine?

I could barely look her in the eye.

"P-please... just don't hurt anyone."

Grieg stared at me for a moment, then pulled me into a tight embrace. I didn't resist. She smelled good.

"We'll try not to. No promises."

*****

They say she left in a hurry, blew the doors right off the hangar and flew west. No casualties, but they want to stop her before that changes. As one of the pilots on duty, I’ve been summoned to join the hunting party.

My suit feels too tight - too clingy. I leave off my gloves and unzip the front. No one tries to correct me; they're all too busy prepping for the chase.

Setting foot inside my mech, Hoplite unit HE-2729, I feel its hard steel with my bare hands. The harness wraps around me; it feels warm against my chest, vaguely pulsing and humming as the machine comes to life. I plug in and brace for the influx of peripheral data from its many sensors, but it's softer this time - gentler.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I bask in the flow of data: a cacophony of sight and sound most of which I can't even process, but I let it wash over my mind and surround me. Piloting usually makes me so tense, but right now I feel calmer than ever before.

I take a deep breath.

“Hello?”

[lotties-ashwagandha]

ok but ive been thinking about shaunanat/reader recently...maybe being a newcomer at the wellness center and getting partnered with nat for an activity and eventually getting introduced to the other girls and hanging out with them. lottie knows you like them both so she schedules you three together 🤭

BABYSITTING BRUCE

pairing: shauna x natalie x reader

word count: 1466

notes: only way i changed this is that natalie and reader were already dating pre shauna

You knew what she was up to, even if she didn’t know that you knew.

Lottie had reworked your schedule, Natalie’s too, scheduling you both for sessions in the barn with Shauna.

“She’s quite taken with Bruce,” Lottie had said. “But as much as she loves him, he keeps getting loose on her watch, and I think we all know what sort of state Shauna would be in if Bruce went missing and we couldn’t find him.”

“So I’m helping two grown women babysit a goat?” You’d asked, and then she’d given you that look and you’d relented, stalking off in annoyance and taking your new schedule. You didn’t remind Lottie of the time a few nights prior when she’d gotten drunk as hell with Taissa and Van and afterwards had come to your cabin trying to lecture you about making the first move with Shauna.

In any case, you were out of options, and as you approached the wellness center’s barn you began to get a bit nervous. You’d developed feelings for Shauna, both you and Natalie had, and it scared you slightly. You were no good at flirting, never had been, and you knew Shauna was newly divorced. Things were fragile, and you didn’t want to ruin it.

You remembered the first night you’d confessed your feelings about Shauna to Natalie. The two of you had just gotten back from having dinner out, it had been a brief escape from the wellness center. You’d been a bit tipsy, and you couldn’t quite remember but you think you might’ve started crying, ranting to Natalie about non monogamy and throuples and how you wanted her so bad but you also wanted Shauna. Natalie had been completely fine with it, and had confessed that she’d been feeling the same way.

The two of you had talked about it a bit sense then, mostly Natalie teasing you about your drunken rant that night, but you could tell she felt the same way, her gaze lingering on Shauna for too long at a time, the way she got slightly flustered around Shauna, and Natalie almost never got flustered.

You saw the proud trotting of a goat exiting the barn. After a moment Shauna and Nat appeared behind it, and you smiled, jogging the rest of the way to meet them.

“Bruce, look at these two psychos you found,” you teased, approaching the three of them.

“That’s brave, coming from you,” Shauna said, shaking her head at you with a small smile. “You’re lucky Bruce still wants to spend time with you after that horrible insult you shot at us.”

“Oh, it’s Bruce that wants to spend time with me, hm?”

“It’s definitely Bruce.”

You bent down to Bruce, petting behind his ears, and he almost seemed to smile at you, if goats were capable of such a thing. He was a sweet goat, though he did have a tendency to chew your clothes and escape from you and Shauna by chewing through his rope. He was a rebel, and he was known for his mischief inside the commune.

“I can’t believe Lottie scheduled all of us together to take care of him,” Shauna said, watching Bruce as the three of you began to walk around the commune, heading for the woods. “He is a bit of a troublemaker, but I think I’m perfectly capable of taking care of him myself, let alone with three other people.”

“We could ask her to change our schedules,” Nat said, testing the waters.

“No,” Shauna said quickly. “I’m glad you two are here. Bruce is, too.”

Bruce bleated in agreement, stomping his foot into the ground.

“So,” you started, breaking the silence as the three of you strolled through the woods. “I’ve only done self care with Bruce in the barn. What exactly do we do? Just walk around with him?”

“Sometimes he likes to cuddle. Or hear gossip about the other girls,” Shauna explained, sitting on the side of a fallen tree.

“What genre of gossip does he prefer?” you teased, sitting next to her. Natalie sat at your other side, an arm snaking around your shoulders.

“Well,” Shauna said, fully prepared to give you an answer as to what type of gossip her goat liked to listen to. “Sometimes he likes hearing my rants about Lottie and her freaky hippie bullshit. And sometimes he likes to hear stories about my divorce with Jeff… and sometimes he likes to hear about people I’ve set my eye on.”

“Oh?” you asked, heart racing at her last remark. “I want to hear the drama about who you’ve set your eye on. Guy or girl? Do Nat or I know them?”

She nodded. “You know them quite well, I would say.”

You were about to ask for more details when Natalie stood and began looking around, and you watched her with confusion, trying to figure out what she was looking for.

“Where’s Bruce?” Your girlfriend asked at last, and panic rose in your chest.

“Oh, fuck,” Shauna breathed, looking down at Bruce’s leash, which had been chewed in half. “That little fucker! I know exactly where he went, damn it!”

You followed her as she started through the woods, sharing a confused glance with Natalie.

“Shauna,” you asked, “where are we going?”

“I’ll show you,” she said, exhaustion obvious in her tone. “He has a field that he likes. There’s all his favorite types of grasses and flowers to eat. It’s at the edge of the commune, though, so I don’t like to let him go by himself.”

“I just can’t believe all three of us were out here watching him, and he still got away,” you complained, and Shauna smiled.

“You two distract me, that’s the reason,” she said.

“Oh?” Natalie teased, shoving her lightly, and if you didn’t know better you’d think Shauna was blushing. “Got a little crush on us or some shit?”

“Stop acting like we’re fifteen,” Shauna said, though she still looked rather flustered.

“If it makes you feel any better, you distract us, too,” you admitted.

The two of them stopped, Shauna’s cheeks growing redder and Natalie smirking at your sudden boldness. You held your ground, not letting yourself get as flustered as Shauna was and holding back a snarky remark to Natalie’s expression.

“We need to find Bruce,” Shauna said awkwardly, turning on her heel and walking deeper into the forest. After a moment you and Natalie followed, and the silence that overcame the three of you was unbearable.

After a few minutes you approached the clearing. Sure enough, Bruce was in the middle of the field munching on flowers, looking perfectly content.

“Bruce!” Shauna shouted, and the goat gave her a guilty look. He trotted over to her, and she tied the remains of the leash around him. “You can’t do things like that, you silly little thing.”

“He did pick a nice field, though,” you said mindlessly, picking a white flower and holding it delicately in your hands. “It’s gorgeous out here.”

After a moment of hesitation, you moved toward Shauna, and you held out the flower for her.

She paused, and again she was blushing. She took the flower, a soft smile painting her lips — and you’d barely had time to process what was happening before her lips met yours and everything faded away. She tasted of vanilla and coffee, she was intoxicating, and every moment had you craving more, craving everything she wanted to give.

You felt Natalie’s hands on your shoulders, trailing down to your waist. You could feel her lips kissing your jaw, your neck, and when you pulled away from Shauna her lips were replaced with Natalie’s. Whiplash, and it was glorious.

It was even better, though, when you separated from Natalie and she went after Shauna, the two of them kissing before you, and for a moment you forgot how to breathe. They were everything, perfectly contrasting in every way but somehow complimenting each other.

Bruce bleated from beside you, and the two women broke apart.

“Bruce, you’re ruining our love confessions,” you said, leaning down to pet him. “You’re in your field, just let us have our moment, okay?”

He stomped his foot. You took that as a “no.”

“You don’t have to be so rude about it,” you muttered, moving away.

“Oh, he’s just a sweet baby,” Shauna said in his defense. She picked him up, kissing the top of his head. “Isn’t that right, Bruce?”

“You’re so fucking weird,” Natalie said, watching Shauna with her goat.

Bruce shook her head at her. Obviously he had a favorite out of the three of you, and you would have to work to gain his approval.

But as long as you were with Shauna and Natalie, you didn’t really mind.

[skellymom]

"Vagabonds" Chapter 13 "Precious Cargo"

Ongoing fanfic Hunter x Reader/Fem Reader/OC

Hunter meets a smuggler Nomaadi Star Woman with a powerful force sensitive teen who changes the trajectory of CF-99's lives...as they ALL try to escape from The Empire together.

ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ

To read Chapter 12:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/747902380483526656/vagabonds-chapter-12?source=share

Word Count: 1.7K

Background: Hunter contemplates his relationship choices.

Mad comes clean about what EXACTLY transpired during her last job on Ord Mantell.

I was SUPPOSED to have this part of the series done by May. But, got serious writer's block. Sorry so late. THIS is the shoe that needed to drop plot-wise.

To help with any confusion: Mad's Clone trans sister (non bio) is named "SHE" (mentioned in Chapter #9 "In The Beginning") and her name is capitalized to prevent any confusion of what character is being spoken of.

Warning: Swearing, flirting, brief discussion of female reproduction/menopause.

(Credit: Cool moving star dividers by @4ngelic-wh1spers )

Recap:

Hunter laid on his bunk sifting through the events that transpired since he met Mad. 

The throbbing pain between his legs, burning scratch on his face...the deep bite mark that FINALLY stopped bleeding. 

His heart ached a bit too. Pain, love, lust, yearning, uncertainty...so much...felt like it would explode. 

Cid’s words bounced around his head...paining him that she was possibly RIGHT. It was the ONLY accurate intel Cid had ever given him. 

“Ya looking for a world of hurt, Bandana?  “Cause that’s all you’re gonna get with that one.” 

"Precious Cargo"

She wasn’t the first woman Hunter had...but the first that stayed around longer than a few days. That was a record for him... 

Not due to infidelity or any other reason. It was only due to the war. No time to date. Heck, no time for hobbies, other jobs...or A job. He was property. Owned and controlled. The trajectory of his life beyond his own control. Not just him, either. A planet’s worth of enslaved men posing as blaster fodder. 

He was just a clone. What did he know about women. Dating, sexual relations, or reproduction were NEVER taught on Kamino. It was expressly forbidden among the Kaminoan's...the Republic as well. Hunter was lucky enough with his looks, hair, body to be pursued by MANY women to have learned about these things. However, how their minds worked and long-term relationships...that was another thing altogether.  

But no matter how he doubted, there was still a feeling of euphoria and happiness like he had never felt before. These feelings happened around Mad only. She was brave, vibrant, resourceful, protective... These things excited him. 

Is this what love feels like? 

Well...no lie...some considerable lust in there too.  

I’m sure Mad would agree with me... 

Hunter inhaled sharply, then chuckled... 

Maker...What did I get myself into? 

Mad finally awoke from the darkness. She lay there feeling weak. A heaviness in her abdomen...again??? 

She glanced down to see Tiggy outstretched and laying over her abdomen. The puppy looked much larger than she remembered. Tig was starting to lose her puppy fat, and her limbs seemed longer. She stretched out and yawned. Her puppy tail wagging and whipping the blanket. 

Mad tried to move, but both arms were strapped to the bunk. One of which had an IV line and fluids. She was also hooked up to a urinary catheter. Mad could feel the line between her legs. 

How long have I been out??? 

A few days. Love’s hand caressed Mad’s head. She looked up at them, levitating near the front of the bunk. You had me worried. 

I’m awake now. You look good for someone who vaporized a Venator. 

Love smugly smiled, then the concerned expression came back. You look BETTER for a person who was unresponsive. 

Sil? Omega? Hunter? 

They’re fine.  

Why am I in restraints??? 

Love looked gravely at Mad 

Oh no... 

Yeah, the dreams came back. 

Was that it?  

Love seemed reluctant to say any more. They didn’t need to as Hunter quietly entered the room. 

“Mad?” He whispered 

She immediately noticed the large bandage at the crook of his neck and the deep scratches on his face. 

“Did I...do that?” she asked quietly. 

He nodded as he sat down on the bunk beside her. 

“Oh Hunter...” Mad was clearly feeling shame and embarrassment. 

“You were delirious at the time...” He started undoing the restraints while giving her a reassuring smile. “The Mad I know wasn’t in control.” 

“This hasn’t happened...for quite a few years.” 

Concern creased Hunter’s brow. He was silent...waiting for Mad to answer if she felt safe enough to.  

Tiggy wimpered quietly and snuggled up next to Hunter. He put his arm around her. 

“My ORIGINAL family were experimental subjects for the Kaminoan’s.” 

Hunter was horrified. He also vaguely remembered strange things happening to him as a very young clone, his brothers too...possibly Omega had as well. 

“What? I thought you’re Nomaadi??” 

“I am. And the Nomaadi are my family now...but I HAD a biological mother and father that were not of The Star People...” 

“Had?” 

“All that I remember about them is fuzzy. I was VERY young when Maami and Paapi Daal took me in. A clone squad smuggled me out of the facility...along with a young defective clone. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve acted out in a fugue state...” 

Hunter was shocked. He had NEVER heard of this. 

“Only saw clones on Kamino. We clones were the only test subjects in the laboratories.” 

The Kaminoan’s have more than one facility on several planets. Love interjected. 

Hunter shifted unexpectedly. He forgot Love was able to speak to him through the Force. He wondered if it had to do with his enhanced senses.  

Mad caught Hunter’s expression. “...you can hear Love through the Force, can’t you?” 

He nodded. 

“So can Omega. Other than Sil and Tiggy, nobody else can. It’s a Force Bond...it’s SUPPOSED to be rare.” 

“Wait...you escaped with ANOTHER defective clone???” Hunter shook his head. 

Auntie SHE! Best Auntie EVER...well, next to mom... Love smoothed Mad’s hair back lovingly. 

Love and Hunter gazed at each other and smiled. Tiggy wagged her tail exuberantly. 

“I have SO MANY questions...” Hunter’s mind going in a million directions. 

“We’re pleased to see you awake.” Tech entered bringing Wrecker, Echo, Sil, and Omega with him. Tiggy excitedly ran to the end of the bed and launched herself at Echo. 

“NO!” Echo ducked behind Wrecker. 

Wrecker caught the pup in midair and hugged her to him. “Echo’s still gun-shy. You’re a scary widdle puppy dog!”  

Tiggy then begged to see Omega. Wrecker handed the puppy to her. Tiggy licked Omega’s face into a sloppy mess. The sound of her laughter lightened Hunter’s mood considerably 

Hunter glanced back at Mad. “What exactly happened during that job on Ord Mantell?” 

Mad’s eyes widened. It didn’t occur to her until now. The dreams were also stirred up from her visiting Dr. Zebba and the violence afterward. Everyone in the room stared expectantly at Mad. 

She and this botched job had thrust everyone aboard into this current situation. 

Sil showed us what was in the cooler. And the shot he gave you. Love Force Spoke and signed in Basic. I thought you were supposed to bring back two people with some cargo? 

“The parameters of the job changed at the last minute.” Mad sighed. 

Everyone in the room glanced at each other. 

Hunter needed answers. “WHAT changed?” 

Mad inhaled deeply. “There were supposed to be a courier for the cargo and a clone bodyguard that I was to pick up and take with us on the Beldame. According to my contact, they ‘didn’t make it’” 

Wrecker couldn’t help himself, wringing his large hands. “Ohh...they’re probably dead.” 

Echo shushed Wrecker. 

“Ok?” Hunter probed. 

Mad had a captive audience. 

“So...a doctor paid me extra to carry the cargo.” 

“...Ok? Where is it? You came back with a cooler of...Tech, help me out.” 

Tech adjusted his goggles “You are currently in possession of a cooler filled with hormone stim syringes. Even with my intellect I fail to see any correlation to this being any type of valuable cargo.” 

“Oh...I have the cargo.” Mad calmly stated. 

“Well...where?” Echo couldn’t contain himself.  

“Inside me.” Then Mad started to weakly giggle. 

Tech perked up. Hunter could smell his brain burning...putting together the pieces. 

“Mad...out with it.” Hunter demanded. He was starting to worry again. 

Mad took another deep breath. “You know the Jedi had the best healthcare that any citizen in the galaxy could receive. Preventative care, health screenings, yearly blood tests and full body examinations. Of course, they were scanned for any disease. Sometimes biological samples are taken to test for ‘health' "reasons... 

...some of that tissue was preserved and saved. Especially reproductive material. SOMEONE somewhere realized that it might be best to not dispose of it...” 

Tech interjected. “Then Order 66 occurred, the Jedi Genocide, and the Kaminoan medical facilities were shut down...” 

Mad finished his sentence. “And I took a job to help smuggle some of the remaining Jedi reproductive material to a safe location. Away from the Empire to a place that will extract it and put it back into storage for possible future use.” 

Everyone was in shock. Except for Tech. He was EXTREMELY interested. 

“My educated guess is that you are carrying ovuum. And that is why that cooler contains hormone syringes. Without that hormone, your body would menstruate and eject the ovuum out of the body. But, in your case...with the recent stress and being of...a certain age...you have lost some of the ovuum already...” 

“Tech...a certain age? Really???” Hunter snapped back and turned around to see Omega’s reaction to the conversation. She was seriously engrossed. 

“Well" Tech pushed his goggles up the bridge of his nose. "Technically she IS past childbearing age and menopausal...” 

“WOAH!” Wrecker shouted, covering Omega’s ears. 

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” Echo followed. 

Mad, Love, and Sil laughed at them. 

Hunter spun back around to stare “WHAT???” 

Sil answered in a string of Nomaadi slang. He laughed along with Love and Mad. 

“They are making fun of us.” Tech interpreted and side-eyed his brothers. “Specifically, Echo and Wrecker.” Then shot Sil a look. “Called us Naif’s.” 

“Ah, you know some of our language, eh?" Sil smiled proudly.  

“What’s a Naif?” Wrecker asked. 

Love signed Newbie, naive...you act so silly about body stuff. 

“The Nomaadi learn very early about biology, sex, reproduction, and how our bodies work. Male, female, intersex, fluidsexual, all of our people speak freely about it with ease and no shame.” Mad explained. “Just like eating, sleeping, thinking, feeling...it’s just part of life.” 

“Kamino didn’t really prepare us. Combat was our specialty.” Hunter defended. 

“And yet YOU’RE pretty KNOWLEDGEABLE there Hunky.” Mad winked. 

Hunter flushed deep red. 

“And Tech over there is NO Naif!” Sil and Love erupted into laughter 

Omega looked up at Wrecker pulling his hands from her ears. “I CAN hear everything they’re saying.” 

Echo interrupted “Wait...THAT’S what all of those credits are from?”  

“Yes, with more upon delivery of the ovuum. We are going to be financially set for a while.” Mad nodded to Tech. “I have coordinates to where the extraction point is. I’m supposed to be there within 7 rotations.” 

“Less than that, you’ve been unconscious for over 2 rotations.” Tech corrected Mad “We need that intel to get you safely there.” 

“Wait!” Hunter was wary “How do we KNOW this place is safe? What about any medical risks?” 

“The Empire’s gotta be looking for ALL of us.” Echo added. “The Marauder as well as The Beldame was being targeted.” 

“Hunter, Echo and I can do some digging on our comm channels. However, before we do, I should remove both of your catheter’s.” Tech pointed toward Mad. 

“Everyone out.” Mad motioned with her hand.  

“WHAAT? Thought you were ok about ‘Body Stuff’” Wrecker sassed Mad. 

Echo shook his head, ushering Omega, Sil, and Love out of the room. 

“You REALLY wanna see Tech pull a urinary catheter out of my bladder, big boy?” Mad sassed back. 

Wrecker visibly shuddered. She got him. “Oof...no.” He left the room. 

Hunter grabbed Mad’s hand and squeezed.  

Would he and his siblings have been happier on Ord Mantell still running jobs for Cid?  

No. THIS is where WE need to be right now! 

It was an uncertain journey so far, but Hunter was willing to see it through. 

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

To read Chapter 14 "In Confidence"

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/757579231979077632/vagabonds-chapter-14-in-confidence?source=share

[munchmemes]

HARI KONDABOLU: WARN YOUR RELATIVES

because i was a fool and deleted the original post + updated a bit

❛ how is 800 not significant? ❜ ❛ you have to weave through a capitalist obstacle course. ❜ ❛ hey, [NAME], why did you miss your flight? ❜ ❛ i just bought a 40 pound Toblerone for no reason. ❜ ❛ hey, you look nervous. why do you look so nervous? ❜ ❛ how do little bottles keep us safer? ❜ ❛ what i think is happening is that the government is in cahoots with the little bottle people. ❜ ❛ then you walk through another machine that swipes right to left like this and steals your thoughts. ❜ ❛ it’s a little suspicious. it’s a little SUSPICIOUS! ❜ ❛ yes, pay respect to your silent masters. ❜ ❛ what does that tell you!? what does that tell you!? ❜ ❛ that tells me you're on the internet too much. ❜ ❛ this is a depression beard. i’m depressed right now. ❜ ❛ i'm depressed right now. i am just a threat to myself. you have nothing to worry about. ❜ ❛ but if you’re there, then who’s - ❜ ❛ if you're the expert on being harassed, it's time you do the harassing, right? ❜ ❛ who brought the asshole with the microphone? ❜ ❛ why [is he] yelling so much? ❜ ❛ it was a delightful diminishment of my life's work. ❜ ❛ you need to keep it simple. elementary, my dear watson. elementary. ❜ ❛ look at you! look at what you look like! ❜ ❛ i look like a Muppet getting a PhD. ❜ ❛ i'm talking really loudly 'cause i want everyone to hear. ❜ ❛ Kid Rock, right? ❜ ❛ and also: WHAT THE FUCK? ❜ ❛ Kid Rock? you confused me with Kid Rock? ❜ ❛ maybe [they] saw the K and the I and ignored all the other letters. which is weird because that's not how reading works. ❜ ❛ that's the saddest shit in the world! ❜ ❛ but [they] felt bad. and i felt better so it was a win-win situation. ❜ ❛ well, you could’ve fooled me. ❜ ❛ i clearly fooled you! you were fooled! ❜ ❛ i don’t know what the fuck that means! ❜ ❛ i don’t know why you do this to us! ❜ ❛ well, now i know how to end the show, great. ❜ ❛ fucking snowflake. ❜ ❛ you don’t know me! i was an athlete! yes, chess is a sport! ❜ ❛ i’ve never heard of that technology. ❜ ❛ why are you blatantly lying to us? ❜ ❛ i figured it out. what they are doing is using the philosophy which is held within the song "it wasn't me" by Shaggy. ❜ ❛ things are so bad. they’re just really fucking awful. ❜ ❛ everything feels like the end of a Kurt Vonnegut novel. ❜ ❛ it's not good. it's just better than nothing, right? ❜ ❛ health insurance might as well be run by casinos at this point. ❜ ❛ it goes through the system, gets negotiated back and forth and you end up with far less than you want. ❜ ❛ what do we have now? like, echinacea, prayer and a hug. and [they're} trying to take the hug away. ❜ ❛ no, i don't know what those words mean. but i saw Rocky IV. ❜ ❛ my proposal wasn't about a redistribution of wealth. my healthcare proposal was about a redistribution of organs. ❜ ❛ after rich people die - i mean, after we kill them -  ❜ ❛ we kill these rich people and we take the organs from them. ❜ ❛ and we'd feast. we’d eat a little meal i call justice. ❜ ❛ now, you might be thinking 'well, [NAME], that sounds so unreasonable.' yes! it is! ❜

❛ i can’t believe [they] won though. i mean, seriously?! ❜ ❛ i don't wanna put my values on you but i was always told not to do that. honestly, i wasn't even told. i just kind of knew. ❜ ❛ i love my mom, man. my mom is my favourite person. ❜ ❛ my mom is the reason why i’m funny. ❜ ❛ my dad is the reason i have anxiety. ❜ ❛ half of your genes were an obstacle to overcome. ❜ ❛ don’t have children. only stupid people have children. ❜ ❛ my mom was Grindr before there was Grindr. ❜ ❛ ultimately, that’s what this is about. change hearts and minds. ❜ ❛ homosexuality is not an open rebellion against God. do you know what an open rebellion against God is? NASA. ❜ ❛ not now, [NAME]! ❜ ❛ that joke was about divinity! about identity! it was about the nature of power! ❜ ❛ so, i was licking this girl’s asshole … ❜ ❛ man, i fucking hate firefighters. ❜ ❛ who hates firefighters? what are you, the fucking Human Torch? ❜ ❛ what is this, the 1980s? or the Midwest now? ❜ ❛ it’s too spicy. what is it? ❜ ❛ it’s water. ❜ ❛ it’s a lemon. ❜ ❛ can i put ketchup on it? i wanna put ketchup. i wanna put ketchup on everything! ❜ ❛ that is the glorious taste of something. you’re tasting something. ❜ ❛ the story is, the mango was very juicy. that's the whole story. ❜ ❛ can you tell me the mango story again? ❜ ❛ it’s because that mango is that GOOD! ❜ ❛ it’s a good mango. ❜ ❛ i fucking love mangoes!! ❜ ❛ i would start a mango podcast if i could. ❜ ❛ this is why you need to cut your high school friends from Facebook. ❜ ❛ why does the devil need an advocate? he's the devil! why does the prince of darkness need your help exactly? ❜ ❛ that’s interesting. have you thought about selling your soul to the devil? ❜ ❛ you know, if you'd like to live forever, you could sell your soul to the devil. ❜ ❛ that’s all the devil wants! ❜ ❛ and i said 'yes' even though i had no idea what this meant. ❜ ❛ oh, shit! acting! ❜ ❛ oh, shit! he’s pretending this is real or something. ❜ ❛ this shit is wild. ❜ ❛ and then … HE PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST. ❜ ❛ this is acting? i hate acting. ❜ ❛ oh, it’s okay. i have that joke. ❜ ❛ if you think i’m talking about you, then yes, i’m definitely talking about you, yes. ❜ ❛ we're gonna snapchat the revolution. ❜ ❛ you can't ask me where i'm from and not know geography. ❜ ❛ where's your white guilt? ❜ ❛ i'm not looking for a lot of white guilt, just enough where you apologize even if you don't mean it. ❜ ❛ i was vexed. i was fuming. i had had it up to here. ❜ ❛ there's no time for symbolism! ❜ ❛ what’s the deal with that old dude? ❜

[ghuleh-witch]

And We Are Tied As One Eternally-V

Fandom: Ghost Rating: Explicit Warnings: (For Future Chapters) NSFW, 18+, unprotected sex, p in v sex, oral sex, mentions of past abuse and domestic violence, references to suicide (For This Chapter) brief mentions of 9/11, war, death, school shootings, and religious manipulation Relationships: Papa Emeritus IV/Copia x OFC Additional Tags: soft!dom Copia, eventual smut, developing relationship, kind of a slow burn, no beta reader Chapter Word Count: 2116 Summary: Ellie Moran just wanted to make a new life for herself. Running to escape the people in her past, she ends up in a small town in the middle of nowhere that happens to be home to a Satanic church. She never expected her life to change again after she started attending the public masses at said church.

Ao3

Chapters: 5/? Previous Chapters

Tag list: @sodoswitchimage

Her laugh was the most musical thing he’d ever heard, and Copia would die happy if it was the last thing he would ever hear again. He sat on the edge of his bed as Ellie sat cross-legged on the floor, his rats crawling over her knees and onto her shoulders. She giggled and cooed at them, gently petting their soft fur with her fingers. Copia felt fluttering in his stomach as she watched Ellie’s face scrunch as Meatball sniffed her ear. 

“That tickles,” she said as she gently lifted Meatball from her shoulder and to her knee. She gave him a loving pat before fishing her phone out of her pocket and checking the time. “I can’t stay for long. I have work this afternoon.”

“What do you do for work?” Copia asked. 

“I work at the little bookstore in town—stocking, running the register, stuff like that,” Ellie answered. 

“Do you like it?”

“It’s one of the better jobs I’ve had. I don’t mind it at all. My one supervisor is an asshole but it pays my bills so I can’t complain too much,” Ellie said with a shrug. 

“Asshole? What makes them an asshole?” Copia asked curiously, ready to go to bat for her.

“Oh, he’s a religious guy. Reminds me of all the people I grew up around.”

“That’s right, you said you were an evangelical baptist,” Copia said, remembering what she told him the first time they met. “Not that it’s any of my business, but what led you astray from your church?” He saw her go still for a moment as the rats crawled over her shoulders. She was considering her words, he noted and it made him even more curious

“Just a lot of things,” she said with a shrug. “The older I got the more I questioned things and the less that made sense. I didn’t particularly appreciate how controlling they were for one. I couldn’t read certain books or watch certain movies because they were considered evil. I wasn’t allowed to wear certain types of clothes. I was told my place in the world was to be a wife and a mother and pop out as many kids as possible to serve God.” She sighed. “I think the thing that started to make me pull away was being told at thirteen years old that I needed to martyr myself for Jesus in case someone came to shoot up my school.” 

Copia felt sick at that. For a child to hear such vile... “That’s disgusting. How dare they tell children that?” He seethed. Anger flooded him the more he thought about it. “And these are the people who claim to protect the innocent. I can’t stand people like that.”

“Me neither, but when you’re at that age and have nowhere else to go you just sort of pretend to be like them to survive,” Ellie said softly. “At least that’s what I did. I don’t think I’ve believed in God since I was fourteen or fifteen, but I played the part of a good Christian girl until I could get away.” 

“You do what you got to in order to survive, even if it does mean, eh, what do the kids say? Faking it until you make it,” Copia said as he nodded in agreement. “The Olde One understands this.” 

“Leaves you with a lot of issues though,” Ellie said with a laugh, her eyes glancing down at her left arm. The glance didn’t go unnoticed by him though. He had a feeling what lay under her sleeve, but he wouldn’t push or bring it up. That was her story to tell whenever she was comfortable and ready. “But I’m working through them. Slowly.”

“Life isn’t a race,” Copia said, leaning over to allow Alfredo to crawl up his arm. “You work at things at your own pace, si ?”

Ellie nodded and then laughed as Meatball tried to crawl down her shirt, and for a moment Copia thought the room got even warmer than it already was. “No, friend, you can’t go down there,” she said as she gently sat Meatball back on her knee. She looked over to Copia. “Thanks again for letting me play with them. I miss having animals in my life.”

“It’s not a problem. Anytime you want to visit them let me know. You do not have any pets?” Copia asked. 

“No,” Ellie said. “I was moving around a lot…you know looking for that change I wanted to make and I didn’t think it would be fair to put that stress on a cat or a dog or any other animal. When I was a kid I used to have a dog. Her name was Misty. She was this really pretty golden retriever. I loved her so much. She was my best friend. After my dad died, my mother got rid of her.”

“Oh, cara, I’m so sorry,” Copia said. “About your father and your dog.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. My dad was in the military. Got sent to war after 9/11, and died in Afghanistan. My mother wasn’t the same after that. She got rid of everything that reminded her of him, and he was the one that got me Misty. I’m pretty sure my mother would have got rid of me if she could.”

He could see the pain in her eyes and it broke his heart. He wanted to hold her and comfort her but settled for placing a hand on her knee and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry to hear that, cara . People grieve in different ways, but that wasn’t fair for your mother to take away something you loved because she couldn’t properly channel that grief.” 

Her hand came to rest over his for a brief moment and for a second Copia thought he felt a tingle of electricity surge through him. “Thanks,” she said softly. “I miss that dog every day. I know she’s probably gone by now. She was three years old when I was ten so she’d be over twenty years old now if she was still alive.” Ellie glanced down at their hands and slowly pulled hers away. Copia did the same, already missing the warmth it brought him. “But maybe one day I’ll get myself another dog.”

“Of course,” Copia said. “But in the meantime, my rats can be your furry friends.”

Ellie grinned. “Thanks.” She dug her phone out of her pocket again and frowned. “I should get going. I gotta get home and get ready for work.”

“Oh, of course. Let’s get the babies back in their home and I’ll walk you out.” 

They got the rats back in their cage and Ellie promised she’d back to visit them. It made his heart race knowing she’d be coming back to his room to see his rats. They were silent as he walked her out of the house and to the lot her car was parked in. “I’ll see you for mass?” He asked as she unlocked her car door.

Ellie nodded. “I’ll be here. I might be back before then though. Gemma said she had some study guides for me to look over.”

Copia nodded. “Well, if you need anything…”

“I’ll let you know,” Ellie finished for him with a smile. “Thanks again, for everything.”

“No problem,” Copia said. “No problem at all. I’ll see you soon.” He watched as she got into her car and started the engine. She gave him a little wave before backing up and making her way down the drive. He watched as her car disappeared before heading back to the house.

“Someone’s becoming smitten,” came a voice from the kitchen once he was back inside.

Copia turned to see Secondo making himself a cup of tea.

“I’m not-” Copia began before Secondo held up a hand to stop him.

“You are,” Secondo said. “Don’t deny it. Why should you? She’s pretty, and from talking to her today in the group session, she seems very intelligent and loyal.”

“Because I barely know her,” Copia argued.

“Since when has that stopped you? How many people have you had in your bed that you actually knew?”

“But I’m old enough to be her father.”

“And?”

“She doesn’t want me.”

“You’re blind, fratello,” Secondo sighed. “I’ve seen the way she looks at you during mass, and just now when you were walking her to her car. She’s smitten too whether she knows it or not. You’re making excuses.”

Copia sighed and sat down at the small table. “Maybe you’re right.”

Secondo huffed and smirked. “I know I’m right. So what are you going to do about it.”

“I don’t fucking know,” Copia said. “I don’t want to scare her off.”

“Invite her to the Samhain ball.” 

“She was already invited.”

“As your date, idiota .” 

Copia blinked. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you aren’t thinking,” Secondo said rolling his eyes. “Next time you see her, ask her. Say it’s just a casual thing or something. She’ll say yes.”

Copia nodded. “Okay…okay I will.”

“Good. And for the record, I think you two would be a good fit.” Secondo finished steeping his tea and walking out of the kitchen.

Copia sat the table thinking it all over. “The worst she can say is no,” he told himself before he made his way up to his bedroom. 

XXX

Ellie stared at the clock. Even though she was working a four-hour shift, it felt like she had already been there for a full day. Two hours to go, she thought as she went back to organizing books on the ‘New releases’ table. She thought back on her visit with Copia. She ended up telling him a lot more than she intended, but Ellie couldn’t help it. She felt so comfortable with him that she didn’t mind being vulnerable.

When the bell above the door jingled, Ellie was pulled from her thoughts. She turned to see an older woman walk in with a stack of flyers in her hand.

“Excuse me, dear, could I leave you a flyer to put in your window? It’s for an event at St. Gertrude’s,” the woman said, holding out a piece of paper to Ellie.

“Oh, we’re not allowed to-” Ellie began before being cut off by her supervisor who appeared behind her.

“Of course, Helen,” Charles said beaming. He took the flyer and looked it over. “This town needs the church more than ever.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Helen said smiling. “Ever since those devil worshippers moved into the old abbey this town has gone downhill.”

Ellie stilled, biting her tongue to stop herself from saying something that would get her fired.

“The worst thing that’s happened to this place,” Charles agreed. “I see those freaks all the time walking around town putting up their flyers. They’ve come in here a couple of times to leave flyers. I always shred them. I’ll post this in the window and let people know about the event when they come in.” 

Helen nodded and smiled. “Thanks, Charles. I’m going to continue passing out flyers. I’ll see you at mass.”

“See you there,” Charles said before Helen left. He handed Ellie the flyer. “Put this up in the window.”

“I thought we weren’t allowed to display non-store related flyers,” Ellie said taking the flyer from him.

“No one’s going to care about a church flyer,” Charles said.

“Then why don’t you display the flyers for the Ministry of Ghost?” Ellie challenged. “Why display one religious organization and not the other? Doesn’t seem fair.”

“Because they’re not a religion. They’re a cult of evil,” Charles sneered. “You kids these days…”

“I’m 30 years old. I’m not a kid,” Ellie said. “And I’m only pointing out how hypocritical the situation is and how it’s against company policy to display non-store related flyers in the windows.”

Charles huffed and grabbed the flyer out of Ellie’s hand.

“I’ll do it then,” he said before striding over to the window. 

As Charles went to get some tape from behind the register, Ellie noticed someone standing across the street from the store. She blinked and froze. The setting sun made the street outside dim and made details hard to make out, but she recognized the man staring back at her. Ellie closed her eyes for a second and breathed. In and out. In and out. When she opened her eyes again, the man was gone.

I’m going crazy, she thought as she looked out the window and up and down the street. No one was there.

He’s not here, she told herself. You’re just seeing things. It’s okay. You’re safe. 

Post Chapter A/N I hope everyone got to see Rite Here Rite Now. Seeing it has affected the outcome of this fic, so stay tuned! Follow me on twitter :) -ghulehwitch

[etherealspacejelly]

you quit your software engineering job to pursue environmental science?? do tell!

(i have a software engineering job. it makes me sad.)

so when i was like. 10. i had this teacher who taught us basic scratch programming. and i was like. freakishly good at it. i picked it up super quickly and was even helping the other students to fix their problems. and so he said to me "you know, you could be a great computer programmer one day" and i was like. yeah! i could!

so throughout highschool my One and Only goal was to become a software engineer. every time i went to the career counsellor thats what i said. so i did computer science at gcse, and got a 9, and i did computer science at a level and got an A*. (i did other subjects too of course. but those were the ones i was focussed on)

then i finished my a levels and i went straight into looking for an apprenticeship. no one was really interested in me because i didnt have any experience or a degree. so then my dad got me an internship with some guys he knew at a company that worked in his building, and i managed to build up some actual industry skills. then i got an apprenticeship! it paid super well and the team was great and it was work from home.

and i hated it.

i was just sitting in my room at my dads house 9-5 mon-fri writing code all by myself. it was lonely and boring and i didnt really know what i was doing. it was supposed to be an apprenticeship but it just felt like a job. they didnt teach me how to do anything they just said "do this and come to me if you run into a problem". half the time they didnt even give me any work to do for days at a time so i was just watching youtube or scrolling on tiktok. which sounds great but it wasnt because i felt guilty the whole time and was terrified of being found out and fired, even tho it wasnt my fault? they literally werent giving me work to do?

anyway. a few months into it i was like man Fuck this. im going to university. so i started looking at courses. it actually started with astrophysics, but since i didnt take a science at a level i didnt have the requirements for that. then i found environmental science! it was all the stuff im passionate about: climate change, conservation, natural processes and earth science. so i worked on my application letter and applied, and i got in!

so i went to my boss and was like hey. im putting in my notice. i got into university. and they were like "oh noooo we're so sad to see you go :( you were doing so well and we were so pleased with your work and your progress :(" (and i was like. huh?? i literally didnt fucking do anything. but oh well.)

so i worked until the end of my 6 week notice and then i handed my stuff back in and left. i had a bit of a summer vacation and then started uni! and ive been here for just over a year now :)

its honestly so much better. i have so many new friends, i got to move out of my mums house, im in full control of my life.

so take this as your reminder that its never too late! you can always change your path.

you are in control.

[bisquuet]

hi! still alive! AN UPDATE: LONG READ :D no new devlin content since im focusing on my oc comic :( ( speaking of comics. remember that other comic i posted here like once and never talked about it again?? yeah.. ) - lets talk about that. will i ever go back to that comic? -yes, when? i don't know.. i realized i went into the comic very.. unprepared.. or less prepared than i thought i was. so it got me second guessing things and getting confused..!! i have a VAGUE idea of how I want it to go, or atleast i DID, now im not so sure.. I think i need to sit down, splurge out my thoughts and ideas and go from there,, now i technically have a WHOLE post that is done that was supposed to be dropped shortly after the first one. but i thought to myself, oh ill just work on the next update and once im halfway THEN ill drop the second one! i never got halfway. i ended up just sketching more up ahead and adjusting and ''fixing'' things in the second update. making me loose track of time and getting behind, not only i had school to deal with too! so i just have a LOT of storyboarding of pages...that im slighlty afraid of looking at cuz i know that ill want to fix it but ill be unmotivated to actually fix it.. (bad rawr!!) eventually i have to get to it..!! >< ANOTHER major factor of the delay was my confidence, i wasn't satisifed and even frustrated at times when something didnt come out as good as it did in my head. i REALLY like the first update pages! especially devlins scene! but i think i got too ahead of myself and put WAY too much onto my plate, raising expections, of others and myself, mostly myself.... and I was trying to copy to a manga style, rather than convert my style normally into a manga setting, if that makes any sense. so i wasnt.... 'comfortable' drawing.. i dont know how else to describe it! but ever since then and even before, ive been getting less confident with my art and my style, feeling like its ugly or its getting worse. forcing myself to keep drawing, straining myself trying to make something that looks good to me. i have lots of fun and joy drawing for others, the reason i draw is BECUZ i just want to share what i make! as shallow as it sounds i like creating content for others to enjoy! it makes me happy and proud of what i draw! so. when i make something i dont like, i cant bring myself to show it cuz I dont like it.. others may, but that wouldnt change how i would feel about it. i felt that way deeply with the second update, which is why i kept tweaking it,,, and so I just let myself get caught up with other things.. feeling upset and guilty that I kinda just.. abandonded the comic..! saying that ill pracitce and oh ill do that , i Need to do this and this and this when i havent even done ANYTHING! i think, and i genuinely mean this, i think ive only recently started to ACTUALLY do things.! like development for my OC comic, writing for it, making content and sharing about them to whoever would lend an ear! so in a way the seewar comic walked so that my OC comic could run, hopefully.. so, unfortunately ill be focsuing more of my attention on my OC comic, and i honestly can't promise anything. the only thing i CAN say is that i will share the second update that i finished long ago.., no matter how much internal rawr doesnt want to, i feel like thats the first step to overcoming this fear and dread ive associate with the comic, which is something i DONT want. ill be scheudling to drop this weekend since ill be away.. i dont know when ill actively start working on the seewar comic again becuz i genuinely want to finish it and share it, i just have to not be too ambitious and plan out whats necessary. anyways.. now that school is out im finally paying all of my debts and owed art.. its rough but it has to be done. thanks if you have read all of this,, i greatly appreacite the support, from friends and followers, fossils, (thats what my fans are called wink wink) love yall fr <3

[askinkiskarma]

Illicit Affairs | Oneshot: The Moment I Knew

Pairing: Neteyam x Human!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: It's your 17th birthday, and the gift you get from Neteyam is not one you would have ever thought of - or wanted.

Warnings: angst

Word Count: 2k words

A/N: I have been writing a lot of memories for the next few chapters of The Archer, and I found myself writing about the fated 17th birthday, which makes an appearance in Chapter VII of Illicit Affairs. I'm doing a lot of writing atm, I am trying to get the fifth chapter done ASAP, but enjoy this tiny story and insight into the day Neteyam left 🥰.

What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know?

And what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one who didn't show…?

And they're all standing around me, singing Happy Birthday to you

But there was one thing missing and that was the moment I knew

You woke up with a big yawn and an hopeful disposition today, your 17th birthday. You wanted to say it was because another year had passed, or because you knew people would be giving you gifts and attention and all sorts of good food today, but if you were being honest with yourself, you knew it was because you got to see Neteyam again.

Neteyam was a great gift giver. He paid attention, and he listened and he cared, so every year, his present was always your favourite. Ever since around your tenth birthday, when he first gifted you an identical bracelet to his, he always managed to surprise you with a perfect gift that made your heart skip a beat - or several. You haven’t seen him since that day, in the clearing, when you sang him that song, and hoped he knew what it meant. You didn’t get to confess the way you wanted to, you cowered at the last minute, but you hoped your birthday courage would allow you to finally tell him the feelings that have plagued you for probably years now. 

You were scared. You knew deep down you probably shouldn’t even do it - I mean what was the point? It’s not like you could ever be together anyway, not like he would sacrifice his title and his future mate, the future Tsahik of the Omatikaya for you, a human girl. He couldn’t, you wouldn’t allow him to, so why were you even confessing? At the least it would make everything awkward and at the most it would ruin the best thing that has ever existed in your life. You couldn’t even decide what would be worst - him not reciprocating or him reciprocating? Cause either way it’s hell inbound, and you had enough of that in your life. 

Despite everything, though, every nagging thought telling you not to, you wanted to, needed to finally tell him. You would deal with the consequences as they come, but you couldn’t be a coward any longer. If you had to act like you didn’t have a heart attack every time he got close to you, every time he touched you, every time he looked at you in that way, the way that was reserved only for you, you would go crazy forever. 

You were happy to see Kiri and Lo’ak, coming by, as they always did, with a big basket of fresh fruit and food, your birthday feast, and staying with you for the day, as they always did. When you were younger, much younger, you used to celebrate in the village, with Jake and Neytiri, but those days are long gone. Later in life, you celebrated in the forest, climbing and hiking, wild and free, but those days were long gone too. Nevertheless, no matter how much you have changed, the care they had for you never diminished, and neither did their desire to celebrate you in whatever form you felt you were able to withstand. 

The oldest Sully’s presence did not go remiss in your mind, every moment without him accelerating your worries that something was wrong. 

“Hey… where’s Neteyam?” 

You saw the siblings exchange a quiet, strange look. Neither of them looked at you as Kiri talked.

“He’s with the hunting party today, he couldn’t get out of it.” 

“Today?”

“Yes…”

“But he never has anything going on on my birthday, Jake always makes sure of it.” 

“I don’t think it was fully up to dad, Angel… I’m sure he’ll be back later.” 

You saw Kiri flash a look of anger towards her brother, and your heart sank a little at the interaction. This was weird, but you thought maybe he was preparing a present for you that would take extra time. It has happened before, but it was always worth it in the end. 

The hours passed, and you mostly finished the basket full of food between the three of you, splayed careless on some blankets you brought in the hub as a big projector was playing some of your favourite films. Your mood soured a little throughout the day, regardless how many sweet fruits you have injested, regardless of the calmness of your surroundings and the friendly faces who were attentively watching the latest picture playing on the screen. 

As it finished, the two siblings got up, and Lo’ak awkwardly scratched the hair on the side of his head. 

“Angel, we have to go, it’s past curfew and we’re -“

“-going to get in trouble with Jake, I know.” You sighed deeply, walking with them to the entrance.

“Thank you for hanging out with me, guys. I had a good time. Thank Neytiri, Jake and Mo’at for the food, and thank you for the gifts, I already love my new bracelet!” You said, twisting your wrist so the beads on the beautiful thread sang when pushed together. 

“You’re very welcome. Happy birthday, again, and we’ll see you in a couple of days.”

You didn’t know if you should push it, and, as they were almost out the door, you found your voice again.

“Hey… if you see Neteyam, tell him I’m still waiting. I’ll probably run some experiments, so I’ll be up for a while… in case he still wants to come.” 

You didn’t want to see their expressions, too scared to read something that will hurt you on their faces, so you just shut the door and left. 

You paced around the labs and hallways and your room for the rest of the night, terrified as you were that you were going to miss Neteyam’s soft knock. He always thought of everything, was always too scared to wake anyone up, or to let anyone know he was sneaking way past curfew to stay with you for the night, before he always had to sneak off again prior to his family getting up and figuring out he was gone. You didn’t want him to be outside, in the cold and dark, with apex predators lurking at every corner, waiting for an opportunity to feast on a particularly good-looking blue boy. 

It was dawn when you made it back to your room, feeling emptiness envelop your being, like your soul had been washed out and taken to the cleaners. You sat in your bed, back against the headboard, and thought about the last month. You haven’t seen Neteyam in all that time, ever since that day in the clearing. He had a weird look about him after you sang him the song, but you thought that was just him processing what you were trying to say to him, you thought it was him scared, as you were, about the prospect of more, about the possibility of everything changing between you. You thought he felt the same way, you felt like you were both on the same page - it felt to you that you had both fallen for each other in time, your love blossoming from the friendship that you have always shared into more, much more. Now you realised it wasn’t that which gave him that look. It was most likely the opposite. He knew what you were saying, and didn’t feel the same way. 

You haven’t seen Neteyam in all this time. You thought he was training, but he wasn’t. He just didn’t want to see you. He didn’t want to see you anymore. 

The way your heart shattered at the thought took your breath out of you, like you got punched in the gut. You didn’t know what to do with this pain, that was so feral and so severe, you genuinely felt like you were going to die. You lay in your bed, gasping for air, grasping at your chest, trying to will your heart to slow down, to piece itself back together, but to no avail. Neteyam was gone. Neteyam left you, without even saying goodbye. Neteyam watched you confess, and decided he wanted nothing else to do with you anymore. You lost him, like you lost your mum and your dad, lost him after 17 years, and you were alone again. 

You were alone again. 

Neteyam felt throbbing in his head as he woke up that morning, that continued the whole entire day. He took the day off today, knowing he would be unable to focus on anything, knowing that today, you would definitely realise what he has done. It was your birthday, one of his favourite days in the world. It was a day to celebrate you, the light in his life, his Atan, of course he loved it. And now he had to live with knowing his present would be his absence, and that he would have to live with the consequences of ruining this day for you, and the consequences of breaking your heart. His has been long broken, since the second he walked out of that clearing knowing he would never return. After eclipse, he saw his siblings returning with an empty basket, and his heart hurt at the still open and unhealed wounds. 

“Brother, are you sure about this?” 

He sighed, not being able to look at his baby sister. 

“Yes, sister, I am sure.”

“She asked for you.” Lo’ak said. “Multiple times.” 

“She said she’ll still be waiting, in case you decide to drop by later.” 

“For what is worth, I think this whole thing is stupid. We’re her only family, and now you’re gonna take another person away from her, bro?” 

Neteyam winced at his brother’s words, that cut him like a dull knife, painful and rusted, that will never heal, but fester and linger, forever. 

“I’m going for a walk.”

“Brother, it’s past curfew.”

“I don’t care, tell mother and father I’m taking Seze out.” 

He left in a hurry, unable and unwilling to register the muffled words spoken to him in a blur. He found his ikran immediately and took flight, knowing exactly where he had to go. He made it to the lab in no time, knowing the ride like the back of his hand by now. 

He quickly hurried towards the door, thinking he will abandon this whole endeavour and beg for your forgiveness. It would take a while, but you always forgave him. And he could finally tell you that he loved you, that he has been in love with you for so long he’s lost track, and he could kiss you, the way he’s wanted to for so long, and everything else you can just figure out as you go along. 

But then, every step he took was a memory he would never be able to ever erase from his mind, every step a recollection of times he’s been here because you were hurt or pained or near death, all because of him. He swore he could still see your dried blood on the stairs leading up to your door from where you were 13 and you fell down his ikran. He could see your limp form in his arms when you collapsed after you found your dad. His hand reached as far as a couple inches from the door before he stopped, and with shard of glass protruding in his already broken heart and tear drops staining his cheeks, he dropped his hand and left. He didn’t go far, though, circling around the big enclosure until he found the window he knew was looking into your room and just sat there, collapsing on the floor with his back against the cold metal, listening to the sound of music coming out of your recorder.

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

He stayed there, on the cold hard ground, listening to the music playing until dawn, until his heart was empty, until his soul was spent. Until he knew he lost you - forever.