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#like jackin off
hypoel · 1 month
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girl are you beef cause im stroganoff
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todayisafridaynight · 7 months
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Yo in the Yakuza world who would get an only fans? male and female please.
shinada and adachi absolutely are subscribers. shinada's excuse is that he can write a report on the modern era's sex-worker culture, adachi's just an earnest enjoyer of gals.
i feel like on a whim nanba would get an onlyfans but after like. a day or two would be over it and/or he might start pitying himself and will try to act like it never happened
i don't think ichi would get one for self-gratifying purposes, but he'd probably be interested in the concept of it at least: he knows about the sex worker industry from the 80's-90's, so it'd prob be like a Oh That's An Interesting Turn kind of deal for him to look into it
rina (YK1 hostess) might have an OF she posts to but she prob only ever borders on showing full nudity. she def likes watching other girls tho
and uhhhhh thats it on my rgg x onlyfans takes LMAO ???? everyone else is too busy being depressed and traumatized to get their rocks off. or asexual idk
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scaredgirlhorny · 2 months
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resisting the fucked up brain anxiety impulse to ask someone why they find me attractive in the most bewildered voice
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virgovirgo · 10 months
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aschwe · 6 months
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god
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pack-yr-romantic-mind · 11 months
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whenever there's a headline that everyone on the internet is legally required to provide a take on it results in some silliness but i think the silliest i've seen so far concerning the submarine thing is people are suggesting that they're bad for wanting to see the wreck of the titanic like it's sacred ground or even like implying that it's hubris to explore the ocean and i mean i know a lot of people died etc etc but it was a century ago i can't go a week without making a 9/11 joke you will not convince me that that wasn't also a very funny, senseless loss of human life, and if i had the opportunity to see the wreck IN A VESSEL THAT ISN'T A DEATH TRAP i would do it in a second and i promise that i would be appropriately respectful
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josiebelladonna · 2 years
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what’re you doing to me, alex 
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menacingfag · 2 years
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matching icons for you and your favorite egirl
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closeted-goth · 27 days
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anyway this time he got mauled by a dog so needs money for meds. told me he can't even jack off rn. but he can access his super and pawn stuff to pay me back so it's all good I've just gotta "trust the process" and let him "work his magic".
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odekirk · 11 months
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i hate when people use “#yeah i’ll reblog that” on very high effort posts like fanart and stuff that probably took OP hours. “#yeah i’ll reblog that” is for text posts that just say “jackin’ off my beanstalk” or whatever
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gurorori · 10 months
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heres a random assortment of dddne 🪦🕊️ from m y head uhh its jus 2 actually. im violently ill
#its really nothin special ijus think bpdpd mika codependent double suicide cause he both refuses to die without his lover n doesn want em to#keep livin without him n move on from him#n als cause hr doesn wanna die by any other means dat r nawt Their hands#sorry this is a hundred percent inspired by me jackin off to my arms bein cut up by my partner#i want em cut to the bone n dig the knife in n sever as many veins i wanna bleed out in minutes i donno#2 bpdpd mika returns but instead its him bein Dangerously touh starved also ik i usually default to shmk but also like#au (ig?) where mika is So unhealthily attached he cannot keeo a relationship Diagnosis too fucked up so shu ends up leavin him & no one#else wants his lil ass so he resorts to free use esque shit i think he wud swipe right on Anyone desperate to get#any kinr of attention or company but also i wud think he'd really b into the absolute freaks he'd meet on there & he'd try to meet up with#a bunch of em at once @ the same location. yanno wat happens next!#but its nawt sad or tragic its all accordin to his keikaku of gettin absolutely DESTROYED cause wat else is the ultimate manifestation of#attention n love love love#gawddddd i need 2 get r@@@d again so i shut up abt this#idk my own insanity aside i think mika absolutely wud use sex as a copin mechanism. but in the most unhealthy way possible course. it doesn#matter who or wat or whete or how or how detrimental it is to his health as long as he feels somethin n he feels it to an extreme degree#smiles proudly..#hope he gets knocked up n miscarries so many times.#fine..#tw rape#tw suicide#tw forced pregnancy#tw pregnancy#🪦🕊️#might start taggin these properly if i feel cute
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powderblueblood · 6 months
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HELLFIRE & ICE — eddie munson x f!oc as enemies to star-crossed lovers
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CHAPTER ONE — THE POISE, INTEGRITY and LUCK OF A KENNEDY
MASTERLIST | NEXT
summary: you go head-to-head with your new neighbor, eddie munson, and lose something precious to you in the process. content warnings: NSFW / MINORS DNI swearing, classic 80s classism, tommy hagan jumpscare, eddie munson jackin off word count: 3.4k
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Dear reader, I wish I could tell you it ends well for you. 
I wish I could tell you that this is nothing but a bad dream, or a fugue state, or an extremely vivid hallucination brought on from that weed your friends buy from that burnout in the horrendous denim vest that is now your next door neighbor. 
I wish I could tell you that you’re not sitting on your designer suitcases in the weed-ridden lot of a trailer park, watching your mom (who is already it’s-five o’clock-somewhere drunk) charmlessly haggle about the rent. 
See, you used to have money, but now you don’t. 
You used to have a dad who wasn’t incarcerated, but now you don’t. 
You used to have integrity, but the IRS seized the last of that along with your childhood home in Loch Nora. 
I wish I could tell you that you weren’t totally fucked. But it seems that there’s no way this total shitheap of a situation could get worse–
“Need a little help with that?”
–except there is. There totally is.
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You flex your hand, relieving it from it’s writing cramp. You’ve been hunched over your journal, perched on your ready-to-burst luggage for what seems like hours now– admittedly, you’re the kind of girl that’s used to valet service. Bellhops carrying your suitcases to your room when you used to join your dad on business trips. 
But valets never looked like this. Squinting at you from beneath his ratted-out waves, Eddie Munson gives you a once-over that makes your stomach lurch. You know him the same way everyone in Hawkins knows him– either barrelling through the hallways like a tweaked out autocrat whose only dominion is over his group of unwashed dorks or palming off baggies at parties. But there’s something about Munson that’s always rubbed you the wrong way. He’s so loud and defiant and achingly obvious, smug when he’s got no right to be. 
Especially now. 
“Excuse me?” you drawl, snapping closed the leatherbound journal. 
“Just wheeling out the welcome wagon. It’s not often we get new neighbors with so much…,” he pauses, gaze scanning over the boxes and bags and randomized ephemera being loaded out of the cheapest moving van Hawkins has to offer, “Shit.” 
“If I didn’t know any better, Munson, I’d say you were casing the joint.” In fact, you find yourself wondering where exactly your jewelry box is– y’know, the leftover shit your parents didn’t already pawn. The millieu of your grief made you forget about the high possibility of people in the trailer park stealing your stuff.
Munson grimaces. “Do I look like a thief to you?”
“You look like a drug dealer to me,” you snipe, smile all fake. “You might be looking to diversify your criminal skillset. How should I know?” 
From where you sit on your straining suitcase, you’re about eye-level with Eddie’s crotch. And call him a weirdo, call him whatever, he doesn’t mind the view. As much as he’d like to pretend he’s above the discordant buzz of Hawkins’ gossip scuttlebutt, news of your family’s downfall is hot shit. He can barely believe it’s really happening, and right in his front yard; Hawkins High’s stoniest, coldest fox and her equally foxy mom were packing their fur coats and shit into a double wide. Eddie couldn’t lie– he liked seeing people like you get knocked down a peg. So he’d come to gloat. A little. 
But you’re all snappy and full of venom– not like in school, where he’s almost positive you’ve never made eye contact with him.
He doesn’t mind that change in attitude either.
“C’mon. That luggage looks a little heavy for you, princess,” he says. “I don’t entirely trust you getting it inside the trailer without breaking a nail.” 
“I don’t need your help,” you say, shoving that tattered journal into your book bag. Eddie wonders what kind of bullshit you’re always writing in there– every time you’re not in the middle of some idiot milleu with your popular cohorts, you’re practicing your longhand. 
“You could use it, though,” he counters, and the condescension in his tone makes your cheeks flare up. You spring from your seat on the suitcase, making Munson take a shocked half-step back. His eyes blaze, rounding out as he takes you in at your full height. 
Still taller than you. He'll be okay. He thinks.
“I’m a goddamn cheerleader, you Neanderthal looking dipshit,” you spit, “I’ve got a core of steel.” 
You turn and dip, reaching for the thick leather handles of the case and discover–oof–that’s a little bit way heavier than you were expecting it to be. But spurned by sheer stubbornness and a need to get away from him as quickly as humanly possible, you brace yourself against the screaming muscles in your arms and wobble the baggage all the way to the trailer door. Your mom stands in your path, dress slipping off her shoulders, blearily looking toward the Munson kid as he retreats to his own trailer with a languid backwards tread. He can’t look away from this scene. 
“Mom. Mom, can I fucking–” you struggle through gritted teeth, “The bag, Mom. Get out of the way.” 
She moves out of your way at an aching half-speed as Munson’s eyes burn hot on your struggling frame–he’s loving this, he’s loving seeing you in the shit just like everyone’s loving seeing you in the shit–and you deposit your suitcase in your brand new matchbox-sized bedroom with a heaving gasp. Shit.
You cross the room in about three steps, heading to the window to close the blinds– shshk. Sshsk.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 
The blinds begin to close, but stop dead not even halfway across the window. They’re stuck, leaving you without a particle of privacy. Which sucks, of course, because you were really banking on some scheduled crying time tonight. 
You had held it in for as long as you possibly could, all that hurt and frustration at the disaster your father had landed you in, promising yourself that you’d let it all out once you and your mom had a safe place. A place that wasn’t your estranged aunt’s basement couch, or a motel you could barely afford. A place that you could at least pretend was home. In your minds eye, you had envisioned something modest-if-shitty– the sunnier end of Cherry Lane, maybe. You hadn’t counted on a place that required a gas hookup. 
You tug on the beaded chain with a desperate force and no give– exasperated, you let your head slump against the filthy windowpane. The bedroom window stares directly into the window of the trailer opposite, where a warm yellow light flickers on and illuminates another bedroom. 
Peeling posters and a guitar on the wall. Of course. Of course you’ve got a bird’s eye view into Eddie Munson’s fetid cave. He spots you in the window and pouts a big ol’ pitiful pout– poor little rich girl. Missing your velvet blackout curtains? 
You can’t flip him the bird quick enough before he closes his fully functional blinds. 
You sleep like shit. Exhaustion couldn't even beat you into a slumber. You couldn’t be bothered to begin the unpacking process and instead fished out whatever closest resembled pyjamas from your luggage (an oversized t-shirt from a father-daughter trip to Columbia University), curling up on your bare mattress with your coat thrown over you, but the thing that was really keeping you awake? You couldn’t find your pen. 
Your prized possession pen, your fountain pen in the ruby-red casing. Your journaling pen. You refuse to write in your diary with an inferior instrument, alright, that’s just not how it’s done, but it’s nowhere to be found. It’s not rolling around the bottom of your book bag, though you’ve emptied the thing three times. It’s not anywhere.
You ask your mom if she’s spotted it anywhere, but she’s still in a Valium haze when you’re buzzing around, trying to get ready for school. 
That’s a whole other ordeal. Your acceptable school clothes are, again, buried in some suitcase that was hastily packed as agents waited for you to vacate the property. And by appropriate, you mean your carefully chosen pastel color palette– the very best of the very trendiest, the ra-ra skirts and the bomber jackets that sit so perfectly on your poised shoulders. The kind of clothes that make someone like Tina go, God, I wish we could trade dads. Just for the credit card. 
Now, all you’ve got to hand are the clothes that feel like your dirty little secret– thrift store suede and dark, rich knits, dresses of velvet and leather boots. The kind of things you collect just to collect, to dress up in when you know no one’s going to be looking at you and think someday. Someday you’ll be someplace where you don’t have to wear the exact right JCPenney piece of shit to fit in with a crowd. Because these are the kinds of clothes that feel right, but make people, important people, people like Carol go–
“Jesus, Lacy, dressed for a funeral much?” 
You hadn’t though the ensemble was too dark, but hey, in the harsh light of day. You bashfully shrug your jacket closer around you, faux fur collar tickling your ears. “I’m in mourning.” 
“Shit, I hate driving out here,” Tommy Hagan squawks from the driver’s seat, already agitated first thing in the morning, “I always feel like I’m gonna get carjacked.” 
Forget your shitty car; the only thing they’d be stripping for parts out here is you, Tommy, you want to quip, but you just fasten your seatbelt. Carol had managed to guilt him into giving you a ride this morning, an effort in pity and also because she wanted the gossip from the trailer park before anybody else. 
“Yeah, how was it, Lace? Did you like, deadbolt the doors and shit? Because you really gotta do that out here.”
“You should get a bat to leave by the door. Y’know, for intruders,” Tina blankly adds, staring into her compact mirror. 
“You should get a gun,” Hagan says, peeling out of the park with a quickness, “if that’s who you’re livin’ next to.”
“What? Who?”
“That Munson freak,” you sigh, resting your head against the windowpane again, “He like, basically threatened to rob me when I was trying to move in yesterday.”
A chorus of disgust rises up in the car that makes you feel good– warm, surrounded, accepted. Even though it blatantly wasn’t true, you’d do just about anything to win your friends’ approval these days. You noticed a certain waver in their stares when you revealed where you’d be moving to, after your dad was sentenced and everything.
A lot of the time, you didn’t feel like they wanted to be there for you, more that they wanted to be the first to hear the dirt on Hawkins’ most scandalous family. 
Usually you’re the one on the receiving end of their deep, dark secrets. 
It’s like they feel like they finally have something on you. 
Or, no! That’s crazy, you’re just being paranoid. These are your friends. As much as high schoolers can be friends. 
“I’ve got just the thing to take your mind off it, Lacy,” Tina says, pinching your arm, “Kegger at Harrington’s on Friday. He even asked about you–”
“--he said he could give you a discount at Family Video if you need it–” Hagan sniggers, earning a smack in the ear from Tina. 
“--shut up! So, you’re not a total social pariah yet, okay?”
You blink. You know Tina means well, but sometimes she is so fucking tactless. “Um. Didn’t think I was one, Tins, but thanks for the reassurance. I guess.”
He’s not a thief. He swears to God, or whatever the cooler alternative of God is, he’s not. 
But he’d be lying if he didn’t consider keeping the stupid red pen just to see if you’d miss it. It’s engraved, he noticed, while rolling it between his fingers as he lay in bed last night. And Eddie Munson is a man not unfamiliar with the value of a decent writing utensil. Those D&D campaigns don’t write themselves. You want something that’s going to be in it for the scribbling long haul and this thing’s not bad. Etched in teeny tiny letters on the pen cap are your initials– the letters of a name no one calls you anymore. 
Which is the part that makes it stupid, obviously. What is it with rich people and putting their monogram all over everything?
God, she’s obsessed with this fuckin’ thing, Eddie thinks. Wonder how much it’s worth. A lot, to you, obviously. You’re always etching with it in English, using it to push a lock of hair behind your ear in the library. Tapping it against your lips when you’re standing at your open locker, the tip settling right into your Cupid’s bow, the red casing bouncing off the plush pink of— woah. Pause. 
Eddie had to take a beat. 
He’d been tapping the pen against his lips too. Thinking about you. Thinking about your lips. That nasty little pout you gave him outside your trailer, the snarl it curled into when he goaded you on. 
Fuck, was that kinda… were you kinda…
It’s enough for him to jam the pen into his mouth and palm himself over his boxers, just to make sure. And— yep. He’d hummed, a kind of well whaddaya know! and slipped his hand under the worn elastic waistband. He even gave himself a couple of tugs, just to make sure. 
And the thing that made him really sure was the Technicolor vision he had of confronting you in the library’s restricted section.
Yanking that pen away from your mouth and grabbing a fistful of your hair.
Clamping his mouth onto yours and sinking his tongue so deep inside he could taste the cherry Tab lingering on your uvula.
Guiding your hand, your writing hand, past the undone clink of his belt and waistband of his jeans so you could stroke him to the head. 
Ink stains mixing with precum. 
Moaning into your mouth. 
Giving you something to write to dear diary about. 
So now, back in the harsh light of day, this stupid rich bitch pen is burning a hole in his pocket. 
Almost like payback, as if you’d embarrassed him by making him hard in the privacy of his own trailer, he approaches you in the most audacious setting imaginable— the cafeteria. 
You sit there, among your usual gaggle of Gap zombies, but you look— different. You’re dressed different. Cool jacket, Eddie involuntarily thinks before mentally slapping himself. Shut up! We’re here to humiliate her, remember?
“Lacy,” he says, but he draws it out all over his tongue so it sounds like laayyyy-ceeee, and you are visibly disgusted by this. He looms over the table, barely containing the twisted grin on his face. He's playing the part of fake bashful here, you see. “You, uh, dropped this outside my place last night.” Your shoulders go tense. Eyes of your space cadet friends snapping back and forth, from Eddie to you to Eddie to you. 
Because it’s true. Technically, you did drop it and technically, it was outside his place but the implication is what's killing you. 
Eddie can barely outstretch his hand before you snap the pen from him, icy fingers a shock to his skin. This sick thrill gathers like a twister in his stomach as you freeze in place, staring him down with a laser pointed glare. Fuck. Off. And. Die, it says. 
But he doesn’t! “Oh gosh, no need to thank me, Lace! Really, it was no trouble at all— what are neighbors for!”
Mocking giggles start bursting from the popular kid peanut gallery. But the flavor is… off.
Eddie scans the little in-crowd that are scoffing at your expense— which, okay, is totally what he came over here to do but… these are meant to be your buddies, right? Shouldn’t Hagan be threatening to beat Eddie’s ass right about now?
But instead they’re just… letting you stew. No one’s telling Eddie to back off, no one’s calling him their second favorite F slur (freak, naturally). 
Nicole Summers is laughing into her sleeve. That’s rich. Underclassman Carver is almost looking at him like, Yeah man, you got her good!
Which does not feel good. Feels kind of shitty, actually. 
Too easy of a win.
You didn’t even get a chance to fight back. You couldn’t. 
Fuck. 
Eddie turns heel and heads back to his table, a gaggle of befuddled Hellfire heads eager to know what the hell was that, man?! But even he can’t quite put his finger on it.
He feels… bad for you. 
“Anybody got bleach?” 
It’s the first thing you manage to choke out after a chorus of ooh, Lacy, what a good neighbor! and Hope that’s all you dropped outside his trailer, girl! All through lunch period, you’re the fucking laughing stock squared thanks to that long haired douchebag. 
“Bleach ain’t gonna cut it,” Carol smirks as you both exit the girls room and head toward your respective lockers, “That thing is totally contaminated with freak cooties. Better toss it— unless you don’t mind.”
See, that’s the thing. You do mind, because it’s your stupid goddamn special idiot sentimental pen and now he’s gone and— and— freaked it up somehow. Exploiting the fact you’ve had to make a major lifestyle downgrade because it makes him feel better. It makes you feel even more exposed than you’ve been getting used to feeling lately. 
Before you can get into it any more, Carol is clotheslined by Tommy to go, I don’t know, finger each other behind the basketball bleachers or whatever it is they do instead of going to study hall. You’ve lost track. 
You push past the gathering rush in the hallway to access your locker. Just as you slam the door closed, it appears again, like an insistent apparition. 
“What, Munson, are you here to tell me you put a bomb in my book bag? Because, if so, great. At least that’ll kill me.” 
Munson stands there, leaning against some poor bastard freshman’s locker, brow all tight. 
“Was I kind of a dick earlier?” 
You stare at him, incredulous. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I was. Shit, I knew it!”
“Why the fuck are you talking to me.”
“I didn’t mean it to come off like that— well, okay, I kinda did, but that was pretty cold. I mean, your dirty laundry’s already all over Hawkins, I probably shouldn’t have been like, waving your panties around—“
“Munson.” You gesture toward him, as if you’re going to clutch him by the forearms to shut him up, but halt at the last second. Fuck, you can’t stand him, you can’t stand the way he’s standing there with this earnest look in his eyes, on some hair metal Ferris Beuller protagonist of reality bullshit.
Your eyes flare white hot, jaw flexing.
“Listen to me. We may live in a regrettably closer orbit now, but that does not require us to acknowledge each other as human beings. In fact, if you try and pull some shit like that again— in fact, if you even so much as deign to look in my direction again, I will slash the tires on that fucking decommissioned World War II ambulance you call a van. You do not exist to me, and I better not exist to you. I am not your neighbor, I am a figment of your fucking rotted pothead imagination at best. Leave me the fuck alone or I will eat you. Capiche?”
You know for a fact that these are the highest volume of words you’ve ever spoken (or will ever speak) directly to Munson, and he knows it too. You don’t let loose like this— you don’t even talk to anyone outside your friend group unless extracurriculars or group projects call for it. Not because you’re shy, but because you’re discerning. 
Munson has managed to disarm you of all that with one stupid little pen. 
He’s staring at you with a deviously shiny-eyed gaze, one that makes you feel like you need to button the modesty button of a blouse you’re not even wearing. 
“M’kay, well, let me know if you need a ride after school!” he chirps and shrugs and takes off down the hallway to some class he’s certainly failing. 
And you’ve just earned the first big fat F of your life, by letting Eddie Munson get under your skin.
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author's notes: hi! if you've read this far, i owe you my eternal thanks. been a hot sec since i wrote fic so i appreciate it. - thee perennial reference to lacy's nickname— best imagined sung to yourself in your bedroom mirror and having a classic 18 year old existential crisis, lol! - the journal and fountain pen motif is a not entirely subtle reference to veronica sawyer from heathers. please expect this trend to continue - as far as timelines go re: steve's working life and tommy and carol's high school careers, bear with me. all will be discussed or at least briefly mentioned but will there be inconsistencies? of course there will, babe. i'm here to fuck around, i'm not here for continuity - horndog eddie munson you WILL live forever! - please reblog, like & comment to show support! i've got some killer chapters planned for this fic and i live to entertain u
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lamb-of-seven · 1 year
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Head-Canons for the Demon Brothers 4
Prompt: You Catch Them Masturbating
!!Minors and Ageless Do Not Interact!!
Content Warning: Very Suggestive. Discussions of Kinks and Sexual Fantasies. Descriptions of Masturbation.
It’s Sunday Smut-Day! So here is anouther HC of the Obey Me Demon Brothers. Enjoy!
Also I wrote this late at night and I do not feel like proof reading and editing it. I got work in the morning lol.
。☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆。
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。☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆。
Lucifer: My personal head canon is that Lucifer doesn’t often masturbate. I think he is a mix of too exhausted and too prideful to pleasure himself alone. However on the rare occasion he finds himself in the mood, I picture he primarily masturbates in the shower. To him its both more convenient and less messy, so he won’t have to waist time with clean up. Catching him in the act is nearly impossible. There is not simple, oops you walked in moment. Instead the only way you end up catching him in the act is either deliberately on his part or on your part.  
One late night after a long week where Lucifer had gone on a major punishment rampage of HoL and all it’s inhabitants, some of the brothers (Satan, Belphie mostly) had dragged you into a scheme to mess with Lucifer. It started off rather innocent, after all you had to shoot down some of the brothers more dramatic plans. You were going to help by taking advantage of Lucifer while he was vulnerable and in the shower. You sneak into his room as instructed, with the devised paint bomb Satan told you to hide. While you creeped around his bedroom looking for the perfect spot to plant it, you hear Lucifers voice saying your name from the bathroom. You nearly jumped out of your skin, so sure he has sensed you somehow sneaking around his room. Before you could answer, you heard him calling your name again, more husky and deep this time, it sent shivers down your spine. It was commanding and frighting but exhilarating the same. You waited a bit now outside the bathroom door, waiting for him to appear, but he didn’t. You pressed your ear to the door and could hear the water in his shower still running. “mmh, MC, yes, just like that. Good Human. Know your place.” Your knees felt week as you listened to Lucifer’s voice moan. Is he… is he…oh god I can’t even say it in my head! You think to yourself, your face turning a bright red. You suddenly hear him grunting a bit louder and faster, knowing what was coming next. Complete shocked, aroused and a bit humiliated, you dash out of his room, still clutching the paint bomb. You ran past Satan and Belphie stuttering about how you won’t do it and locked yourself in your room.
Mammon: He’s such a Simp for MC, a partier, and some of his lines when you touch him are suggestive, no one can tell me he doesn’t jack off at least once a week. In my head cannon, Mammon prefers to masturbate in his room, but he’s greedy and impulsive so I could see him quickly pleasing himself in the Bathroom at RAD after having some naughty intrusive thoughts, especially about MC. Catching him in the act is almost too easy, and has probably happened more than once.
One night Mammon was chilling on his bed, completely nude and tossing and turning among his blankets trying to sleep. He was getting more and more frustrated as time passed, his cock semi hard and his mind racing. Ugh whatever, I’ll try jackin’ off. Maybe that will get me tired. Mammon simply laid on his back, his head resting into his plush pillows and blankets completely tossed off of him. One hand wrapped around his thick member as he slowly stroked it and rubbed the tip a bit with his thumb. His other hand scrolled threw some porno videos on his go too sight, and while they peaked some of his interest, he was struggling to get himself worked up. Mammon glanced around before bringing up a secret video/photo album on his phone. It was a collection of videos and pictures of you in poses or doing things he found erotic, like you bending over his pool table, or the time you all went to the beach together and he got to see you half naked. If you or anyone found out he had these photos he would be dead. He felt his cock start to pulsate and twitch as he watched one of his videos of you on the beach, sprawled out on the sand. He imagined what it would be like to fully undress you and tease you with his fingers tongue and cock. His strokes were becoming more erratic and his breath mixed with heavy pants and grunts. And that’s when you opened his bedroom door shouting, “Mammon, have you seen my…” You got a full view of Mammon, sweating, fully nude with his erection gripped hard in his hands. After a second that felt like a frozen eternity, Mammon shrieked, throwing his phone and covering himself with his blankets. You shriek back with multiple apologies, racing out of his room and slamming the door behind you. Mammon didn’t come out of his room for a week, which is completely not like him, even Lucifer was concerned.
Leviathan: There is no way around it, this boy is a shut in otaku who is so touches starved but too shy to ask, and wants someone to love him (and dominate him). My head canon that I think most of the Obey Me fandom can agree, he’s horny and masturbates a lot. Most likely he has a collection of Henti and toys (Not as much as Asmodeus, but a good amount).
Right in the middle of the day Levi was sitting in his gaming chair was such a throbbing boner that he couldn’t concentrate at all on his game. It was his turn to do laundry this morning, but you had left your clothing in the dryer overnight. He swears his actions were innocent. He wanted to make you happy, so he took you laundry out for you and started folding it, when he saw them. Your underwear. And not just any underwear, these were made of black silk, so soft and sexy. Since that moment Levi has not stopped picturing them on you, how they would softly pinch into your skin, making that cute slight pudge by your hips. T hey way your ass would look in them. The way the black silk would cling to your sex. He couldn’t take it. He abandoned his game and quickly pulled his pants and underwear down a bit to free his member. His cock sprung to life, the tip dripping with precum. He imagined your voice calling him a pervert. A blush formed across his face. He was so aroused that he didn’t even grab on of his toys or even any lube, instead he wrapped his fingers around his member and started to pump. His toes were up on his desk, gripping and curling, while his other hand gripped the top of the chair next to his head. He bit his lip, as he started to think about you straddling him in the underwear, calling him all kinds of nasty names, maybe even running your hands on his body, and licking him. Maybe if he was good you would let him put it in you? Maybe if he begged. Levi started to pump himself very fast now, huffing, and whining and moaning, his hips rutting into his hand as well, his orgasm approaching fast. “Hey Levi wanna play that new game you….” You entered his room without a thought since his door was unlocked. You knew you were suppose to knock and say the password but you were just so excited and now you knew why. The moment Levi’s eyes met with yours he couldn’t stop himself, his orgasm crashed down on him as his moaned/ nearly yelled your name, as ribbons of white exploded out of his cock, covering his body in his own fluids. Levi couldn’t remember the last time he had cummed so hard. However clarity settled in too fast as he screeched, sobbed and fell out of his chair trying to get his pants back on. You yelled out your apologies as you ran down the hall back to your own room. Levi was mortified. He, like Mammon, also stayed in his room, however for him it was well over a month. He couldn’t even say your name, and any attempt you made to interact would be ignored. It took him a while and a lot of work on your end for him to move past this.
Satan: Personally I don’t see him masturbating that much. I think he prefers an intimate interaction of self pleasuring, but that doesn’t mean he never does it. When he does its almost always after reading a really smutty scene in a book. I don’t think he uses any toys and prefers it to be in the comfort of his own room.
Satan had started a new book recently where the main love interest was described similarly to you. Sometimes he would even catch himself reading the characters name as your name, as the words came to life in his mind it was as if he was reading a wonderful love story between the two of you. And tonight he was reading a rather thrilling chapter where the two characters finally become intimate with each other. As Satan’s eyes hungerly read the page, he couldn’t help but notice his hips squirming, his bulge becoming more apparent, and desiring some friction. His one hand starts to rub his cock through his pants. As the chapters starts to vividly describe the characters fighting for their climax, he pictured both of you in that scenario, and the slight rubbing was not enough. He unzipped his pants, letting his cock swell in his hand and began stroking himself, never taking his eyes off his book. His breath coming out in pants as the characters get cloer like himself. He didn’t hear your knocks. You entered his room, just peaking your head in calling his name. He was reading on the couch and jumped when he heard your voice. Satan tried to loudly talk about anything while he stuffed himself back into his pants and hoped you didn’t hear him zip them back up. However when he saw your blushing face, he knew that you had caught him. It made his heart quicken and blush color his face as well. “I’m sorry, I see your busy I’ll go.” You say and quickly left his room before he could even tell you to stop. Unlike Mammon and Levi, he was only a bit embarrassed. He didn’t hide in his room at all. He actually found it a bit thrilling and erotic that you caught him.  
Asmodeus: My head canon is that he purposely leaves his door unlocked or even open when he is masturbating. He is proud of his body and wants everyone too see him, sometimes hoping for someone to join in with him. Catching him is too easy. He’s the personification of lust so he uses everything and anything.  
The first time you catch him is on a regular school day in the afternoon. Asmodeus was admiring himself in the mirror, his new skin care products made his skin look absolutely flawless over his entire body. As he stripped out of his uniform he couldn’t help but feel a bit aroused by the feel of his own body. His cock was already twitching and standing erect by the time his pants were off. His fingers slowly and erotically rand up and down his thighs hips and belly, sending shivers through out his body. If only MC would come join me and admire my beauty right now. His inability to charm you was a sore spot for him but thrilling to imagine that moment he wins you over. He imagines with on your knees, completely undressed for him, simply wide eyes as you marvel at his perfect body. Asmo closes his eyes and imagines all these touches come from your hands. Asmo reached for his sensual body lubricant as on of his many stimulating toys. He laid down in front of his mirror, going between glancing at himself and closing his eyes to imagine the two of you getting intimate together. His hands stroked his member sensually while the other used the toy on his most sensitive spot. He whined and moaned out. That’s when he heard a knock on the door and knew it was your knock. “Come in MC, Perfect timing.” Asmo said with a panting breath. You walk in thinking everything was normal, and let out a large gasp as you see Asmo on the floor filled with ecstasy. “I was hoping you would join me MC.” Your heart is racing and face is on fire at the sight and offer. However you reject it by stammering and leaving his room, unable to say a single cohesive sentence. Though it hurt Asmo’s ego that you didn’t stay was him, he took your cute shyness as a compliment and continued to imagine it was he climaxed. You’re the one at dinner later that night who can’t seem eat there food and was incredible distracted while Asmo kept giggling as he teased you.
Beelzebub: I feel like Beels Horniness is not that low but not that high. He’s like right in the middle. I think when he does feel aroused he typically masturbates. He’s the Himbo of the group and we love him for that, so I find he is super simple minded about things. For example, I feel hungry, so I eat. He feels horny so he jacks off. It’s just as simple as that. He likes his privacy so he will do it in places where he is alone like his room when Belphie isn’t there or the shower.
One day when Belphie was napping in the attack, Beel returned to his empty room after practice. He was already showered but still felt so achy and exhausted. He laid on his bed to take a quick nap and ended up in a very deep sleep. He was happy though because he was able to dream of you and the two of you were walking through a beautiful forest where everything was edible. You had gotten covered in rare sweet honey and allowed Beel to lick it off of you. In the dream Beel found your skin very tasty with the honey and you let him take off your clothing and cover you in more honey to lick. Beel got to kiss and lick new places on you and started to feel very excited. Even in his dream he could feel how hard and needy his cock was feeling. You had pushed Beel down and drizzled honey on his member and now you were licking him. The excitement of the dream resulted in Beel waking up from his sleep, his cock throbbing and wet with precum. Beel closed his eyes savoring in his dream as his strong hands wrapped around his thick member and pumped it to the same rhythm of your mouth in his dream. Beel let out low grunts and clenched his teeth as his continued to pleasure himself. “Oh Beel I’m glad your back I was just…” You were so used to safely walking into the twins room that you never bothered knocking. You let out of squeak when you realized when Bell was doing. Beel immediately stopped and sat up straight in bed, his face red and his words simple stutters. You both start apologizing. As you turn to leave you promise to knock next time. Beel was left to sit in bed debating if he should continue or if the moment passed and he should get a snack. I think he would have a hard time making eye contact for a good week. Until you both share a meal together and hes back to normal.
Belphegor: I fully believe he’s someone who will slowly jack off and half the time never finish before he either loses interest or falls asleep. I also thing that when he does fully masturbate, it’s if he can’t sleep and needs something to exhaust him, or he does it in his sleep when having a very vivid dream. Boy has more wet dreams than anyone. Catching him in the act is rare simply because it’s rare that he does it.
However on this particular night, Belphie was having such a hard time sleeping. He had been resting a lot recently since school was on break and now he was laying in his bed listening to Beel snore as time ticked on. Maybe a change of scenery would help. Belphie crept through the halls of HoL. He passed your room, noticing the door was slightly opened. He peeked in to see you soundly sleeping. He noticed half your body was uncovered, and your were sleeping in only year underwear. Belphie chuckled to himself, and closed your door. He moved on to the attic and got himself comfortable. As he closed his eyes, he noticed that the image of your near naked body wouldn’t leave his mind and his member started to twitch. Seriously Belphie whispered to himself. He tried to ignore it but he couldn’t and now he found himself fully erect. Belphie sighed and flipped onto his back. While under the covers he started to slowly pump his cock as it throbbed and tingled. Belphie bit on his covers as he started to picture you sleeping peacefully. A blush formed on his cheeks at the thought of him possibly entering your dreams and playing with your body, teasing you mercilessly. His pace quickened and he began to moan a little, his eyes shut tight. He didn’t hear your foot steps or see you enter the attack until he heard you gasp a little. He slowed his pace but never stopped and opened his eyes to see you wearing a robe. “I thought you were looking for me when you stopped by my room before ah, anyway I’m sorry I didn’t mean too..” You were a nervous mess and Belphie liked it. “You should be. This is all your fault MC.” You blush, and your stomach flutters. Belphie laughs a little as he sees your face. Your turn and run away. Now you’re the one whos too shy to make eye contact with him and avoid him and his endless teasing.
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rosedom · 2 months
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"TIGHNARI has been summoned for the event . . ."
A/N : double whammy LMAOO i love u guys (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
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✦ㅤㅤD = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of his)
tighnari's not one to have very many . . . shameful secrets; but he has one glaring one—one focused on those big ol' ears of his. when he's lived with you so long, and his ears are already oh-so sensitive to noise, it's quite easy for him to hear you no matter where you are in the house. you know this: this isn't something he's kept a secret from you.
oh, no: the secret, really, is what he does with what he hears. the running faucet of your shared bathroom, for example, doesn't truly do all that well in covering up your noise. jackin' off in the bathroom, moaning his name quietly beneath your breath—tighnari hears it all. he can't help that he can hear you, like this, nor the way heat fills his belly and his cock resolutely throbs, but he can help how he always, without fail, brings his hand down the front of his pants to jerk himself off in time to the slick sounds of your own hand through the wall. the amount of times he's cum doing this exact thing is too large a number to count.
(you definitely know about this; after all, how couldn't you? comin' out of the bathroom, satisfied yourself, to seeing a flushed tighnari frantically wiping his shaking hands on a towel . . . you don't quite mind. really, you've even started to moan louder knowing how he gets off on it.)
✦ㅤㅤE = experience (how experienced is he? does he know what he's doing?)
he's pretty experienced !! be that either with just some akademiya hook-ups—quick things that are no-strings attached, usually—to some messing around with his friends, tighnari's not new to sex. he is, however, new to sex with love. before you, his arrangements usually consisted of friends-with-benefits flings at best and one-night stands at worst. he's always been satisfied, don't get me wrong; but there's something new and different, but better, with you. there's just something about having sex with the person he loves that is far more satisfying than his other escapades ever were <3
✦ㅤㅤF = favorite position (this goes without saying . . . )
he is most definitely a huge fan of cowgirl. it's the easiest position for his tail, really; it leaves it blessedly free, out in the open, not being smushed by you or himself. it comes with the added benefit of giving you the room to reach around and tug at the base of it, stroke the length of it. tighnari's not shy about the caveats of his tail, and it always allows for some extra fun and stimulation in bed !!
just because we're talking cowgirls here, though, doesn't mean that tighnari is in charge. his favorite is when you've got your hands on his hips, guiding him through the motions and thrusting up yourself every once and a while. your cock reaches all the right spots, deep 'nuff to satisfy his base needs and nudge against the swell of his g-spot; and, further, it gives you plenty of room to thumb at his chubby cock.
✦ㅤㅤJ = jack off (masturbation headcanon)
until you, he hardly jacked off. masturbation, to him, was simply a means to an end: something to investigate his body by. however, once he became your boyfriend, he was met with an unforeseen need. we already know that he jacks off when he overhears you, but he is also rather greedy in doing it when he's alone at home. you'll be off somewhere—for a night, a weekend, a week, even—and, fuck, he misses you, misses your touch. it's easy, then, for him to reach in his pants and stroke himself while he whines into his fist, ears pressed flat to his head.
the days you're gone are the ones he finds himself masturbating more on. it's easy to ignore your missing presence during the bulk of the day, but in the morning—waking up alone—and in the night—going to sleep by himself—, it's too easy to fall into the pleasure of his lone hand. he's always quick, perfunctory with it, but he cannot deny the effect you've had on him.
✦ㅤㅤK = kink (one or more of his kinks)
he'll readily admit it: bondage. tighnari is so into bondage, it's insane: particularly, ropes and/or vines (he's got a dendro vision—you can bet your ass he's making good use of it). he absolutely loves being tied down in any way, shape, or form. he's a fan of shibari, too, at times, but he does prefer simple ankle and wrist bindings over all; he wants to be at your mercy, wholly and entirely. it's a thrilling feeling, for him, to be able to submit to you and leave even the positioning of his body in your capable hands.
the shibari he would prefer are the simpler kinds: the intricate patterns that span across his chest and back, his arms, but he isn't very keen on suspension. he likes the submission that it comes with, but he also is sometimes wary of the caveats—mainly regarding safety. in an emergency, regular, quick bindings are easier to cut away; looping ropes across the entirety of his body is far more difficult to escape from.
✦ㅤㅤL = location (favorite places to do the do)
in your shared bed. tighnari loves the softness of all his blankets and pillows surrounding him as you indulge in one another, and your intermingled scents makes him all the more desperate for you. to him, your bed is safe, it is home. it is the place he can indulge in his fantasies with you, smushed between you and the wrinkled duvet. the world shrinks down to the two of you in a way it can't quite be anywhere else.
✦ㅤㅤS = stamina (how many rounds can he go for? how long does he last?)
normally, tighnari can go for two rounds, or three on a good day: so is the advantage of a short refractory period. he prefers each round lasting a while, though, so usually the two of you will keep it to two lest you waste the day away. as for each orgasm, the build-up entirely depends on you: some days, he's riled up, and he can cum quickly; others, he's tired and slow-moving, and it takes him upwards of half an hour to even get close.
when it's mating season, however? he is raring to go. his body's sensitivity is turned up to the tens, and he's easy to push over the edge again and again and again, and each orgasm only leaves him with a burning need for another one. his heats aren't unmanageable, though; he is sensitive and needy, but he's still sensual, sweet. he's not out of his mind with want and need (though he may act it sometimes). it's a play to get your hands on him !!
✦ㅤㅤU = unfair (how much he likes to tease)
it's a 50/50, here. tighnari never truly intends to tease you, but he does it anyway—subconsciously, surely. whenever he passes you, he always brushes his tail against you, the fur of it soft and tantalizing when it breezes past your bare skin; other times, it's simply in the way he'll walk around your shared home with naught but boxers on and a long, flowing shirt. his naked skin, the domesticity of it all riles you up. he, however, doesn't intend it at all. he revels in your attention, sure, but he doesn't go out of his way on purpose to tease you.
it's not his fault that you're the horny one, here.
✦ㅤㅤZ = zzz (how quickly he falls asleep afterwards . . .)
it depends. honestly, for 'nari, orgasms usually just calm his mind, make his body syrupy-slow; he's rarely ever knocked out from them. depending on what the two of you choose to do, that can lead to a slow day of simply lounging about or a nap: he can do either.
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i debated putting in a side note for bondage, saying that tighnari cannot have his hands tied above his head. however, i ultimately scrapped it considering many people may not particularly share the headcanon about his lightning scars/PTSD. so i'll keep it brief here LMFAO: i feel that stretching out his shoulders too far could cause immense strain and/or pain on the scars. anywho !! o(*////▽////*)q
1 APR. 2024, @rosedom, rosey .
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yeoldenews · 1 month
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Did Jack not come from the French version of john 'Jaques'?
This is a centuries' old scholarly debate, the short answer of which is most likely no.
First off a correction - Jacques is actually the French form of James, not John (which is Jean).
There appears to have been some discussion in the 19th century as to whether Jack may have originated as a nickname for James and only became associated with John later on (much as Hank originated as a nickname for John before it became associated with Henry) - but later research seems to discount this theory.
The seminal work on this subject is a paper/booklet titled The Pedigree of 'Jack' and of Various Allied Names written by English librarian E. W. B. Nicholson in 1892.
In his research Nicholson found "no recorded instance of Jack, Jak, Jacke or Jakke ever being used to represent Jacques or James".
That being said - names don't develop in a vacuum, nor in laboratory conditions. It's entirely possible that Medieval Englishmen being exposed to the name Jacques influenced the shortening of Jackin to Jack - but short of a time machine trip to ask someone why they chose to go by Jack and not Jackin, it's kind of impossible to prove one way or another.
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zorosleftmantit101 · 9 months
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One piece characters as tweets i find stupidly funny part 2
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Characters: to lazy to right em
A/N: two posts in one day, crazy times
C/W: Mentions of harming animals (a goose) Twitter shit
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Buggy: i hate babies with grown-ass names, no i ain't holding WALTER 😭
Ace: I love seeing goths in normal situations like wyd at the dentist girl!
Sabo: just found out that 51 is divisible by 17 i feel fucking sick i can't breathe
Luffy: Strangling an adult goose gotta feel better than opiates I just know it in my heart
Zoro: Me driving to the store: Yeah i'm a total storepilled foodcel. I'm basically going store mode and i'm giving producecore vibes
My 8 year old son Doban: Daddy I think God should kill you
Law: Powerball winners in ancient greece be like
Yay more alive oil
Kid: I went an entire semester without realizing my friend had tourette's
He'd randomly say "jackin off" and we'd all say
"hell yeah" and high five him, thinking he was just a cool guy who liked to party
Brook: Well folks, I think the #Time ⏰has come. I am sealing myself in my #WineBarrel to become #Wine. Goodbye.
Franky: accidentally opened my eyes during prayer at church and saw jesus doing the worm
Usopp: Cops busted me for felony possession of various knickknacks and doohickeys
Sanji: french is such a gay language
"oh la la" gay as hell
Shanks: wtf is a conclusion paragraph just stop reading bro
Katakuri: no meds no therapy no psych ward just raw dogging this mental illness the way God intended
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@zorosleftmantit101 2023
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