#like look it was an insanely good plot point that i made up 1/4 ways into the fic that completely recontextualized his actions but it worke

[danidoesathing]

🦈💭❤️ for the fic ask game!

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Frankie. oh my god i love her and would love to write her more but jesus christ she is a hard character to nail down. i am always scared im gonna do her wrong whenever i write her. miss lou im so sorry i cant do you justice like you deserve

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

oh a bunch of different stuff. music is an obvious one, both cause of the vibes™️ but also because my current fixation is music lore. all i gotta do is listen to a funky song and bam! we got a new fic. i've also gotten ideas from reading different fics (i dont copy the plot but sometimes a line or two will inspire me, or ill think "very cool but what if [this thing] happened" and i go insane from there) and on occasion random comments or sentences.

i mean one time i was writing a multi-chapter fic and like. there's a major MAJOR twist that was inspired by a comment i got on chapter 10 and it was one of my favorite plot points of that series. this comment singlehandedly made me redo an entire character storyline and made this character, who i had come up with for a scene or two at most, insanely important to plot and a huge part of the sequel fic i did. the comment wasn't exactly what i went with but it did inspire me to change that part up

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

That's really hard actually. a lot of my favorite parts of my fics are less single lines and more "effective in the context of the situation" but i did have some bangers in the love like ghosts fic i suppose. I kind like this one:

"There’s nothing beyond this edge of the world but concrete and the unforgiving earth, but you'll be damned if you aren't tempted."

[writershapeholeonthedoor]

My favorite ships ranked!

There's a huge chance this list will change once every two days at the very least, but let's do it!

1. SUPERCORP

Literally my favorite ship ever. They're just perfect for each other in every possible way. Their love languages complement each other perfectly, they can rely on each other, and they work together like the best team in the world. Lena needs love and Kara knows how to offer it without asking for anything in exchange. She will take whatever Lena is willing to give her and be happy about it. But Kara still needs someone that will look at her and see who she really is, no judgment, and someone who she will be comfortable being herself - Kara Zor El - with.

Speaking of fanfic, I think it’s safe to say these fandom has some very talented authors who gave us very well written works. They can also work in every possible scenario, so that's a huge bonus.

Favorite scene: "Supergirl might have saved the city, but, Kara Danvers, you're my hero."

2. SHOOT

Shoot is THAT couple that should have ended up together, but didn’t. I don't hold a grudge on it, though, because Root's death made sense to the show's ongoing plot. I can't say they would be perfect like Supercorp because Shaw has some emotional problems and Root is just also in love with a artificial intelligence or whatever, but they would work. Shaw would try - for Root - and Root would love every part that Shaw allows her to see.

Favorite scene: "You can't live with me and I can't live without you."

3. WAYHAUGHT

Do I even have to say anything? Our most perfect CANON couple. They were perfect from start to finish. The way Nicole absolutely adored Waverly, almost like a worship even, but wasn’t afraid to stand tall on her ideas and opinions. The way Waverly acted like Nicole hung the moon and stars in the sky just for her, and how we know she would be able to do anything to keep Nicole happy. They're that couple that make everyone's teeth rotten with how sweet they are.

Favorite scene: "You guys make The Notebook look bleak."

4. CABENSON

One of my favorite gay ships, so it has a special place in my heart. In the early seasons, it's pretty clear, at least for me, that Alex and Olivia could have something going on. I believe they were both shoving it away because none of them was ready to get seriously involved with anyone and they knew that whatever they decided to have would be too special to be treated lightly. Unfortunately, time was cut short for them when Alex got pulled away for WitSec.

I do think they will forever be each other's "almost", or "what if", but they're long past that now. They changed too much and they did it separately. If they were together, they would have changed around each other and, possibly, be able to work those differences to stay together. But now I don't think they would be able to keep a relationship. It's a bit sad, but it's also a very good portrait of reality.

Favorite scene: "You like being back on court, don't you?"

5. BISHOVA

I'm new to this ship, but I already love it. They remind me a lot of Shoot, actually. We just know that Yelena needs to find someone who would love her with no restrictions and that she deserves to find love. And Kate needs someone able to ground her, but also someone who allows her to be as silly as she wants, someone that will always have her back, doesn't matter how insane her plans might be. They have chemistry too. Also, I can see them getting together with no drama at all, or maybe something they can easily solve, and then being together for the rest of their lives to the point that they can't even remember a time they didn’t know each other. We didn’t get to see them that much, sadly, but I keep my hopes up for more scenes of them in the future.

Favorite scene: "You have one fork?"

6. FLEURMIONE

Okay, two intelligent and beautiful women together? Sign me in! I've been in Harry Potter's fandom for many, many, years now and, after giving it too much thought, I can safely say that Fleur would be the perfect match for Hermione. She would challenge Hermione, they would have endless discussions about any and every subject, they would have enough books together to fill up a library, and they would make each other want to be better every day. I also see Fleur being a bit sarcastic and Hermione keeps rolling her eyes at her at least fifteen times a day.

Fleur is constantly curious about the muggle world, always eager to learn anything Hermione is willing to show her. She would have a great relationship with Hermione's parents, mostly because she thinks they're one of the most genius people on the planet because they know how to fix people's teeth. Meanwhile, Gabrielle would loooove to talk with Hermione, especially when they get together to embarrass Fleur.

Favorite scene: You know, the totally canon one when Fleur asked Hermione to the Yule Ball.

7. LOU MILLER X DEBBIE OCEAN

Heist wives? Yes, please.

We don't even need to pretend. These two were totally banging throughout the whole movie. The headcanon is that they used to date, then Debbie made some stupid decisions, met the wrong people, they broke up for a while and then Debbie got locked up. I believe Lou was so angry with her for both being stupid and for ruining what they had because she wanted to get more money than they actually needed, that she didn’t even visit Debbie in prison.

While there, Debbie had enough time to realize how much of an idiot she had been, so it's up to her to win Lou back. Meanwhile, Lou knows that she's screwed the second she sees Debbies smile again. She just can't help but orbit around her.

Also, they're the Moms, no doubt about that.

Favorite scene: "Baby, I don’t have a diamond yet."

8. DANSEN

The only reason they’re all the way down here is because I hate CW, but I actually love them more than half of my family. They’re married, they’re moms, they’re in love, they’re perfect. Someone as caring as Kelly needed someone to make her go crazy like Alex, while Alex deserved someone that would understand her no matter what. Honestly, I just love them.

Favorite scene: THE PROPOSAL

9. CAROLNAT

Is there any chance this could happen? No.

Do I still dream about it? Constantly.

It's just one of those couples where things would just work. My biggest headcanon for them is that they would be constantly laughing and having fun. Always joking and playing around with each other. Natasha would crave physical touch and Carol would be happy just to be around her at all. Carol would finally find a reason to stay on Earth without feeling guilty about it and Natasha would one thousand percent make a retirement party for her.

Also, they would protect each other so fiercely that no one would even dare to warm any of them.

Favorite scene: The one where Natasha ends up on top of Carol in the training room. Totally canon, trust me.

10. GLORBIA

Might sounds crazy, but hear me out.

Barbie is literally Gloria's dream Barbie, and Gloria is the reason Barbie is alive. Once Barbie becomes human, I can totally see Gloria falling for her without even noticing it, while Barbie takes a while to realize what are those things she's feeling. I do believe Sasha would have a strong part in bringing them together. She would be the one to explain to Barbie what a crush is and what being in love should feel like, and then she would have to give her mom a gentle push to acknowledge her own feelings.

After that, fluff all the way. Gloria would be the most patient person in the world while she sees Barbie navigating human life, just happy to have whatever Barbie is comfortable giving her. Meanwhile, Barbie keeps getting surprised by how strong her feelings can be every time she even looks at Gloria.

Favorite scene: Not a scene per se. Instead, I'm bringing that Tumblr post that says "Ken only has a great day when Barbie looks at him. Gloria always has a great day when she looks at Barbie."

Bonus

11. GAY BELLA

Quite literally, any lesbian ship from Twilight. My favorite one is Rosella, but Bella x Tanya is a close second. Bellice is also a very strong candidate, not to mention Bella x Kate. And, oh, did I hear someone say Bella x Irina or was it Bella x Leah? Honestly, just give me lesbian Bella and I will be happy.

12. ROJARIAS

One of the hottest couples that exist.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[tsukimefuku]

Right, wrong and the in-between (Part 1)

Previous chapter | Next chapter

You and Higuruma were assigned to investigate the disappearance of women around Shinjuku. This led to a dicey situation regarding what place Jujutsu sorcerers occupy in this world and what is their role to play when non-sorcerers get involved.

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU". There is currently a sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a fic I'll eventually write (eventually). To see the ever-growing list of one-shots, please visit my masterlist :)  The "Right, wrong and the in-between" will be a 4 (maybe 3) part short-story set in this AU. This is the first part, I hope you enjoy! The tags below will be applicable to every chapter.

Tags: oc/f!reader, soft/implied Higuruma x reader, soft/implied Nanami x reader, slow burn, mentions of violence and non-con/abuse among side characters, canon typical violence, some angst, some fluff, just characters being themselves driving the plot (and me) insane. Some philosophical debate will be in place.

WC: 1.7k

"Well, this looks like a one-man job." Higuruma said, with his small gavel resting lazily on the side of his forehead. You were both seated at the backseat of a Jujutsu Tech's car, and Ijichi was driving.

"Oh, it sure is," you replied, "but you can't be going on solo missions until further notice. So you're stuck with me for the time being."

"Oh, no. I'm definitely not complaining of 'being stuck' with you." He replied, looking at you. "I just think that there's probably a better way of using such scarce resources, like jujutsu sorcerers. This parole should've been over already, that's my point. I already commited myself with atoning for my crimes and fight alongside Jujutsu High."

"Higuruma, it could be worse. You could've been executed." You said, as you put the side of your forehead on the car's window and closed your eyes. "The higher ups are awful like that, I know it firsthand. I just hope they'll all die or go to hell soon enough."

That caught his attention, and made a small bead of sweat appear in Ijichi's temple as he looked at you through the rearview mirror. "You have told me to have your issues with them, but never clarified what they were. I mean, you don't strike me as the type to do something that would render you at risk of getting a death sentence, or anything of the sort." Higuruma pondered, now curious. "So how would you know?"

"Oh, how would you know that about me, now? We've been working together for only three weeks, smart-ass" you said as you looked at him, scoffed and smiled. "If you behave today and I don't get bedridden for whatever reason, maybe I'll tell you over some drinks at HQ, since you're still on a leash. I will get us some beer, and we'll bash on the established power right under their roof. How's that sound?"

He smiled. "Fine. We have a deal. But I get pretty argumentative when I drink, just a heads-up."

You chuckled. "Wouldn't expect any less from you." Even if you were working alongside Higuruma for a short amount of time, you actually appreciated the guy's company — when he wasn't being a risky maniac on the battlefield —, and could totally get behind his disdain for Jujutsu High. You felt that way about them yourself, and with good reason.

After the bantering, you started to mentally go over the mission you were both assigned. 

Many women were going missing in an area of Shinjuku, Tokyo's red-light district, for the past few weeks. It wouldn't be something to be dealt by Jujutsu High if it weren't for the cursed energy traces left around the places these women were going missing from. The disappearances were undoubtedly due to cursed activity, so Higuruma and you were sent out to investigate.

"Ijichi, is there any indication this could be due to a curse user?" You asked.

"No, Ms. Why do you ask?"

You went over some pictures they had sent to you on your phone. "There is no blood, guts, or anything like that in any of these places. I mean, curses are often related to disappearances, sure, but it's not a very curse-like behavior to kidnap people in so many different places through such a large area."

"So a curse user with criminal intent is the most likely scenario?" Higuruma completed.

"Yes. It would make more sense. And considering the area of Kabukicho, it's possible these women..." Your stomach turned on itself before you could finish your sentence. You were all silent at that moment, for you all knew what that meant.

Higuruma sighed. "Yes, it makes sense."

"Oh. Hey, Ijichi, what is Nanami up to? Haven't seen him in some days." You asked. Since getting promoted to a Grade 1 sorcerer, you stopped going on missions with Nanami and were mostly taking on tasks alone until you were assigned to shepherd Higuruma. 

"He's actually working on another mission around Shinjuku too." Ijichi replied.

"Oh, he is?" The excitement in your voice was clear as day, as you said that with a smile. Higuruma looked at you seemingly a little dissatisfied, but said nothing.

"Yes. But he's on the opposite side of Shinjuku, currently."

"Oh." You deflated a little. "Well, drink night with the sorcerers is almost up the corner. See you both there, Ijichi."

He smiled as his face blushed slightly. "See you there."

You looked at Higuruma. "And I hope you're liberated from your leash soon enough, so you can join us too. I'd be happy to see you there."

He was a little surprised as he looked back at you. "Oh. Okay." Was all he managed to answer.

After 6 minutes, you arrived at your destination. The street was covered with signage and neon lights over the buildings, which were all crammed together, in a tight and claustrophobic pack. Since it was still afternoon, there was not much effervescence, given that this part of Shinjuku would become more lively during nighttime.

"Ijichi, we will go looking around to see if we find anything. When we do, I'll cast a veil myself, okay? Wait for us here." You told him, as you and Higuruma started to make your way down the street.

"So, we're looking for cursed energy traces that could lead us to our culprit?" Higuruma asked you.

"Precisely. Be it a curse or curse user, this was sloppy as hell. They left remains in every scene." You replied. "Shouldn't be so hard to track them down."

"Fine, then. Let's get this over with."

***

After some walking around, you both stood in the front of a building that seemed to have some cursed energy traces over the door. They were very faint, but were definitely there. The club was closed, and would only open after 6PM. 

"Well, do you want to look around while we wait for it?" You asked Higuruma.

"Anything to be out of headquarters. I thought I knew what being arrested felt like, but it's so much worse than I thought. Not having the freedom to come and go to places... It's dreadful." He replied, his body trembling unconsciously.

"Oh, really?" You said. "I thought you’d be used to that. I mean… You were a criminal defense lawyer."

He sighed. "Yes. But then I wasn't. It's a matter of will, you see, fighting a broken system from within." He put his gavel away, deducing you both wouldn't be facing any harm anytime soon. "There is no way to win a game when you're bound by the constraints of the game's unfair rules."

"Was breaking free worth it?" You asked.

***

When you were assigned Higuruma's case, to hunt him down, you were briefed on his situation. A curse user that was a lawyer and had awoken his abilities right after a trial, killing the prosecutor and the judge in the process. After that, he basically remained hidden for a few weeks before Jujutsu High located him. He expanded his domain on you and confiscated your cursed technique, but as you both started brawling, a curse attacked, lured in by the cursed energy you were both emanating. In a split second, you told Higuruma to run, and that you would face the grade 1 curse alone. You just felt, right then, that this man wasn't deserving of death. He had killed two people, of course, but nobody actually knew why that happened or even bothered to investigate it adequately. You wanted to hear what he had to say about it.

"You have no cursed technique anymore!" Higuruma shouted.

"Just fucking go! Run! I'll handle this!" You answered, charging to punch the curse with cursed energy. It had multiple arms, like a spider, and it took only one swing to send you all the way across the place, having you hit concrete and spit blood.

Shit. Higuruma felt it would be unfair to let you tackle this by yourself, with no cursed technique, after he was the one who removed it from you. He'd be indirectly responsible for your death, and this was completely different from fighting you and defeating you himself. This miniscule spark of morals coming back to him felt... Strange.

He took his gavel and proceeded to exorcize the curse as you watched mesmerized at how well this guy could fight in a such short amount of time. You texted Gojo asking for help without Higuruma noticing, because in that state, you wouldn't be much use defeating this man. After Higuruma was done, before he could leave, Gojo appeared, and you shouted for him not to kill the guy. Gojo knocked him out rather quickly, and you proceeded to explain everything that had happened, while also requesting his assistance to suspend Higuruma's sentence.

"He's strong. He exorcized this grade 1 curse without my help, and he awakened his abilities a week ago or so." You said. "I think this guy has potential. I talked to him, and he seems... misguided."

Gojo pondered for a moment with Higuruma over his shoulder. "Are you sure? I mean, he's the one that put you in this situation in the first place."

"I'm sure." You said. "Gojo, you saved me from the claws of the higher ups. They're arbitrary bigots, you know that. Please, trust me. Take this as a request from a friend." You felt indebted for that man, guilty or not, had just saved your life.

Gojo sighed and smiled at you, giving you a thumbs up. "I'll do my best. But you'll owe me another bag of kikufuku."

You smiled back at him. "Of course."

***

"I don't know." He answered earnestly, looking at you. "I'm still deciding while I atone for my crimes. After all, I left one broken system and ended up entangled in another. People seem to be terrible wherever I go."

You laughed. "Well, that's for sure."

"Aren't you going to try to dissuade me from that stance?" Higuruma asked. "That people are terrible?"

You scoffed. "Me? Hell no. We're a duo of cynical people. Can't promise to give you back any sense of ideal or anything of the sort. You'll have to find it for yourself."

He smiled at you. "You think of yourself in a curious way. I wouldn't say you're cynical." He replied.

"Oh, really? What am I, then?" You retorted.

At that moment, you heard two voices in the street around the corner. They were indistinguishable, but sounded female. You both approached quietly, and saw a woman in her late fifties, wearing a velvety crimson robe, guiding a lady — who must've been no more than over twenty-years-old — inside the building through a back door.

"Well, that was suspicious. That woman looked like a pimp" you said.

"You're someone that sees things for what they are" he concluded.

[bibibbon]

MHA chapter 415 leaks

A lot of the problems I have with this chapter are already ones that I talked about in previous chapter posts which can be found here 👇

However I still wanna talk about things that I don't like in this chapter.

1) the memory sharing thing and how random it is. I stand by the point that this plot point came out of nowhere, is a speedy and cheap way to try and build up what little development izuku and shigarakis dynamic lacks. The memories that are being shared also seem very inconsistent like why did one memory trigger another? It makes no sense why Izuku's fight with todoroki would ultimately trigger the usj and why the fight itself would be triggered by a convo that stain and shigaraki have. In my opinion, this is also a very good way for hori to just show off how he has improved his own art and be like "oh look at how good my art is now" which kinda sucks because we don't get any story but just some cool looking manga chapters

2) power of rejection?!?! Seems like a fancy plot armour for izuku not to lose all of his quirks to me🤷‍♀️. The power of rejection just sounds like such a cliche way to be like oh izuku won't lose his quirk to plot armour because he physically cannot lose his quirks since shigaraki is rejecting them. Like seriously what is it with Izuku not being able to keep his powers and we are just having him HAVE TO PASS DOWN HIS QUIRK FOR NO REASON?!?!?! you already passed down the quirk that caused the most distress aka kudos so won't izuku suffer even more if he passed down blackwhip which is the quirk that is keeping him both alive and is giving him the ability to move like why would izuku the and transfer that?!?! Seems stupid to me 😭 and low-key further reinforces the idea that the power of rejection is (A) there a plot point introduced to make it so that izuku doesn't lose his quirks and (B) so horikoshi can still create intense looking manga pages that he won't be able to create if izuku can't use his quirks anymore.

3) The unnerving focus on the police officer who took Tenko home. This manga page low-key confirmed the one theory that was like the police officer is afo and that AFO gave tomura his quirk which if it is true just doesn't line up or make sense when it comes to canon. I see how this theory can help develop both the parallels further in fanon but in canon it just damages tomura's character and its like an excuse that we should pity shigaraki even more because this police guy who was supposed to help him was a villain who gave him a destructive quirk and made him go insane /cause his families deaths. This also takes away from the half baked plot point that the gene for quirks actually heavily influence behaviour but if this theory is true then shigaraki just wants destruction because he wants destruction 🤷‍♀️ nothing more and nothing less.

4) Eri becoming relevant to the plot now? I have already said this and I will say it again Eri's quirk is too narrative breaking and too powerful. You literally cannot have the plot go on since we discovered that Eri can legit just rewind people to a time they were at their prime like she did with mirio. This brings up the question as to why she didn't do this with aizawa or all might and therefore her quirk could be used to make the series and characters have no long lasting concequences. Also how are the heroes so irresponsible thaT THEY COULD LET A CHILD SIMPLY RUN INTO A DANGEROUS AND TERRIFYING BATTLE FIELD LIKE WHATS WRONG WITH YOU ECTOPLASM DO SOMETHING YOURE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THE CHILD ARENT YOU?!?!?!!? also this is such a shame Eri could of actually been a very good character who symbolised the traumatic events that victims of hero society faced and how young children could be kidnapped and exploited for powerful quirks however instead of getting anything like that we just get Eri BECOMING A TOOL FOR THE HEROES WHICH IS SOMETHING THAT SHE WAS Traumatised TO DO DUE TO OVERHAUL MAKING HER A TOOL FOR HIM AND NOTHING ELSE?!?!? talk about double standards. This is also making the Eri will rewind shigaraki into Tenko theory much more plausible and I hate that theory for so many reasons. However, it's either this or the theory that she will have to separate Izuku and shigaraki BECAUSE FOR SOME forsaken REASON THOSE TWO ARE SOMEHOW MERGING AND BECOMING THE SAME PERSON LIKE THAT MAKES ANY SENSE

5) where did the damage that kudos quirk was supposed to do to shigaraki go? Is it me but I seriously don't see shigaraki getting any damaged or recoil from kudos quirk like I could see some of it from the last chapter where shigaraki was somewhat struggling but that's it nothing else. Shigaraki can now fight perfectly fine and isn't getting the recoil hit if a nuke something that izuku was suffering with the majority of the fight which just seems unfair at this point like?!?! Its also another example of how hori fails at show don't tell

Seriously I still don't like the leaks but at least we got my girl hatsume and la brava that's the only good thing I can think about when it comes to these leaks.

[alvivaarts]

About Separate Ways (Spoilers)

Wow, guys. I was super excited to get gameplay footage/input from friends about Separate Ways (too broke to own the base game myself) to put into my longfic, but aside from some super cute Luis/Ada moments, I am... dissapointed.

Capcom hire me, at least I can keep the plot consistent because what the actual fuck.

Will discuss below to avoid spoilers (much more story than gameplay, but gameplay wasn't great either), but I'm not going into insane detail save for some things. READERS BE WARNED!

I'm also specifically looking at this through the lens of my own fanfic, Simulation Swarm, which is my take on how Las Plagas works and infected!Leon (in addition, infected!Ashley and a lot of Leon's unacknowledged trauma and relationship issues throughout the game series). I was majorly excited about Separate Ways because it implied that Ada also gets infected- which I really want to still implement even if it changes a LOT of major things about the fic.

I'll go over the good stuff first. AKA, stuff I'm keeping, and not retconning.

1- Luis' characterization was still amazing. It was really nice to see his character balance out Ada's, how he's still as chipper as he can be. Additionally, it's VERY clear how much he cares for Leon and Ashley alike, and he goes out of his way to get Ada the suppressant and still respects her throughout that process. 2- Pesanta/IT/U-3's design with slightly more of a scorpion shape. That was sick! 3- The fact that Ada was aware of most of Leon's movements and a lot of what happened, and in a way was following him around and handling things he couldn't/wasn't aware of. * 4- Ada didn't help Leon into the chair, Ashley did. But that scene isn't even shown. 5- Luis and Ada def had chemistry, and it was so cute!

Well! Short list. Now for the bad stuff. AKA, shit I'm retconning/ignoring/pretending never happened (most of the DLC).

1- Ada's infection is weird as fuck. She got... shot? And infected? And then, infuriatingly (because I've spent WAY too much time thinking about the physiology of Las Plagas and researching w/ the help of others how the infection would work) PUKES UP her plagas?!?!? HELLO!? This in particular drives me insane because like. Las Plagas nests and develops behind the sternum, between the lungs, where it can attach to the nervous system along the spine. It is TOO BIG for a human body to fight against, it's growth shoving lungs out of the way is why people cough up blood. It's nowhere near the throat or stomach and clearly it's extremely well engineered/evolved for human hosts not to end up in conveniently the wrong location. And if she did puke it up, at that point, miraculously, after two days? Her intestines are fucked. She's dying of internal bleeding. I don't fucking care how much of a bad bitch Ada is because at that point Wesker wasn't gonna help her. The fuck? Capcom, know your own lore challenge. 2- We got NO backstory, not even HINTS about Ada's past and origins. Again. 3- * Seriously made Ada's character into a very flat character and removed a lot of the urgency/clear want for her to help Leon from the original DLC. Seriously, she does not gaf about anything but her mission and making it more convenient for herself. Everything she does to help Leon is sheerly coincedence- which, honest to fuck, does not line up. Especially considering she appears to completely lack empathy until... uh oh, Wesker wants to kill a bunch of people? Like sure, she has that BRIEF conversation with Leon in the boat but like... what happened to the people she has history with, the people she could've ABSOLUTELY been saving to spite Wesker and allow her to have her own motives until whoop-de-doo, uh oh, gotta stop a genocide! Be so for real. 4- Bonus: After Luis helped her and she'd made the deal to get him out, he, still dying, calls her with a warning about Krauser. It took a long time for him to die. She SHOWED UP after witnessing the fight and pretty much just... left him. Despite all of that. Which I get from a 'not fucking with canon' standpoint, but seriously. 0 effort. 5- Krauser literally fucking gets away when she fights him???? 6- Wesker keeps making appearances. For some reason. It's not even clear why, he literally just shows up to be intimidating and to threaten Ada into doing the job but like. At that point, honest to fuck, he could've done it himself? Also it was majorly hard to empathize with Ada considering we STILL KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HER OR HER MOTIVATIONS. 7- Luis has no distinct fire trauma. (Okay. Revoking this after the discussion, I just had a no media literacy moment after everything I was taking in. Luis' response was actually pretty good and honestly? Should be appreciated. Though it does bring up another point- while I love Luis, I guess I was walking in with it more being an expectation for it to be 'Ada's Story'. We didn't get that, though the Luis background was great!) 8- Ashley's interaction with Ada was a single line asking for help and Ada just. Walks off.

Anyway, everything I've seen first hand and have discussed with others has left a sour taste in my mouth. Boo, @Capcom. Good thing I can make up my own stupid little stories and pretend that none of that happened.

[mattsdae]

help wanted part 4

read part 1, part 2, and part 3

tags: joe young x masc reader , leather/latex , frotting , making out , nipple play (?) , reader likes joe’s tits but can we really blame him , gambling ig , honestly not a lot happens , mostly fluff and plot shit

synopsis: joe looks good in his new costume, but reader feels like he’s being… watched.

word count: ~5.4k

a/n: sorry for the long wait! hopefully this is at least a little worth the 3 weeks with zero updates lol also i’m using readers forgetfulness to my advantage cuz idk any of the side characters names so i just wrote that reader doesn’t know anyones names.

joe was asleep by the time the lion king ended. turns out, crying your eyes out for the entire morning was tiring, so he took a little nap. the only issue was that he fell asleep on your shoulder. he was worried about you, so he got nice and close, cuddling up and falling asleep.

you had to sit through his nap, which sucked since the remote was out of reach and you couldn’t put another movie on. you sat still, listening to his little snores as he clung onto your arm. you let boredom (and comfort) take over, falling asleep with him on the couch.

you woke up a few hours later, curled up with a blanket over you. at first, you didn’t question it, rolling over and pulling the sheet up to your chin. it took a second, but you suddenly remembered joe. you popped up, looking over the living and dining room. you looked at the coffee table, finding a handwritten note.

Y/N,

you fell asleep, so i decided to go. i rewinded the tape for you! i had a lot of fun. we should do this more often!

:)

joseph young

you didn’t realize, but you smiled as you read the note. he had nice handwriting, simple but neat cursive that was still easily legible. he put a proper signature at the bottom as if it were a legal document, which only made you smile more. it was endearing to say the least. you kept the note, putting it in your bedside table drawer.

as you tidied up the tapes, you started to make up excuses in your head for what happened. it wasn’t like it was a date or anything. all you did was watch movies, it wasn’t a big deal. even though it ended with his head on your shoulder, so what? you could excuse all of it. you decided to ignore the dry humping and the fact that you came to the thought of loving him.

later that day, you got a call from dave talking about another orgazmo film you were going to do lighting for. you agreed a little too quick before catching the date and time. now, it was that date and time. you were talking to one of the prop designers, leaned up against the wall outside as you smoked a cigarette.

“honestly, i don’t get it, but maxxx asked for it so here i am.” he took a drag from his own cigarette. like most people on set, you didn’t know his name. people come and go pretty often, so you learned to tune out any names. it’s gotten to the point now that you can’t remember who anyone is, even if they’ve stayed around for months. usually, it gets to the point where it’s too awkward to ask.

“so is it supposed to be sexy? the whole orgasm-inator thing or whatever it’s called?” he shrugged with a smile.

“maxxx is into some weird shit, dude. i wouldn’t put it past him.” you nodded, smiling as you remembered multiple examples of his weird fetishes.

“y/n! need you in here!” dave called out. you answered before putting your cigarette out and going inside.

“what do you need-“

you cut yourself off, staring at joe as he spoke to the costume designer. he was wearing a new outfit, one made of latex or possibly leather. either way, it was tight fitting and shiny, hugging every inch of him perfectly. his shoulders and arms were exposed, which weirdly turned you on more than anything. you’d seen his dick, yeah, but never his bare arms.

he was muscular, much stronger than his loose button ups and long sleeves showed. his chest hair poked over the material, bringing attention to his expose collarbones. you felt insane, getting worked up over something like arms and collarbones. like an early englishman calling women harlot’s for exposing their ankle.

“you good?” you blinked, brought back to reality as dave snapped his fingers in front of you. your face heated, quickly adjusting yourself for no particular reason. “i just need you to set another umbrella by the couch.”

you nod, quickly getting to work to avoid any more suspicious. just as you tightened the knob, locking the angle in place, joe walked up.

“hey!” he grinned. you smile subconsciously.

“hey..” you hummed. you blushed, realizing you deepened your voice like a middle schooler trying to impress his crush. he giggled.

“why does your voice sound like that?” his eyes twinkled, a large grin on his face as he asked. you almost smiled just looking at him, but you stopped yourself.

“uhh, i’m a little sick.” you committed, keeping your voice weirdly raspy and deep. you felt your face warm up as you heard someone nearby huff out a small laugh.

“oh, really? are you okay?” his eyes widened, concerned. you shook your head, turning away to mess with the already set up light.

“yeah, i’m fine.” you turned away, squatting down in attempt to end the conversation. he put his hand on your shoulder.

“are you sure? you need to get some rest if you don’t feel well.” you shook your head, avoiding looking at him in case you spaced out again.

“i’m fine, joe. i promise.” your voice faultered. finally, you looked up at him. he always had a pout, a small downturn of his lips that only got more exaggerated with strong emotions like worry. you kept eye contact, refusing to look anywhere else.

“okay..” he leaned back. you went back to your job of acting busy, only for him to stay put. “did you see my new costume? it’s a little weird, right?”

“yeah, i saw it.” of coarse you saw it, it was the first thing you witnessed when you opened the door and yeah, it was weird. that’s why you were so freaked out about being turned on by it. “it looks good.”

“really? it’s a little.. tight.” you didn’t look, but you heard his hand run over the costume, likely trying to point out where it was tight. you refused to look, knowing what would happen if you did.

“i think it looks fine, man.” you keep your gaze away. he says a small hmph before walking away. you kept doing your work, finishing whatever dave asked you to do. eventually, you had a break and went outside for another smoke.

you heard the backdoor open slowly and shut just the same. you knew who it was, you didn’t even have to look. you felt joe walk closer, stopping a few feet away. you glance, catching a look at his costume in broad daylight. it looked just as hot as it did inside.

“are you okay?” joe asked. you nod.

“yeah. why?”

“you just.. you’re acting weird. ever since we kissed, you’ve been avoiding me and you didn’t even look at me when i was talking to you earlier..” you kept your head down, unable to say what was so clearly on your mind. “are you mad at me?”

“no! of coarse not! i just.. i dunno. i’m just not my normal self right now, you know?” he nods. he crossed his arms, subconsciously covering himself. “i think the costume looks great. sorry for not saying it earlier.”

“you think so?” he lit up, now smiling.

“yeah. you look really nice. can i say something? and promise you won’t laugh.” he agreed. “i wasn’t looking at you ‘cause i was worried i’d get hard.” you heard shuffling above you, but you decided to ignore it.

“really?” he beamed, clearly excited by the fact that you found him sexy. you nod. “i didn’t know people were into this stuff.. so you like this?”

the truth was, it wasn’t the outfit that turned you on; it was his body. the way it hugged every little curve perfectly and showed off parts of his body you never thought to notice. it showed how strong and sturdy his body is, contrasting his sweet gaze. it was whiplash, switching between eye contact to checking his body, going from an innocent little mormon boy to a strong man.

“yeah, i guess i do.” that was an easier answer. he nods, looking away. you flick your cigarette, glancing over his body again. “can i touch you?”

“hm?” you didn’t even mean for the question to come out, but with it now floating in the air, you committed.

“can i touch you? i think you look really nice and i.. i want to feel it.” you chewed on your lip as you waited for an answer. you glanced up above you, noticing the suspicious open window directly above the two of you. he looked around before taking your hand and leading you inside. as you two walked through the door, everyone looked before quickly averting their gaze. you blushed, narrowing your eyes as the entire crew acted busy while joe dragged you up the stairs and into a makeshift dressing room, which was just a bedroom with only a futon and different clothes hung up.

“where do you want to touch?” he asked, shutting the door behind you and locking. you glanced down his body, struggling to choose. deciding against answering, you instead responded by kissing him, pulling him close by the back of his neck and leading him to the futon.

as joe sat, you straddled him, legs planting on either side and holding him still. his hands moved to your waist, holding you as well. while his thumb rubbed circles onto your hip, you explored. your palms, sweaty from anxiety, squeaked over the material. he hummed.

“you look so good, baby..” he huffed as you felt over his chest, brushing over his nipples. “just can’t get enough of you, can i?”

he nods in agreement, unaware of the subtext. a subtle confession. you circle your hips, slowly grinding against him as he did before. he whined, fingers digging into your sides. you pull back from the kiss, glancing over him. his face was pink, rosy cheeks matching his flushed chest. his forearms tensed as he moved your hips himself, frustrated by your recess.

“you’re just too much.” another quick confession that could be covered up. you tried to stay professional, avoiding any hint of your true feelings, but you weren’t sure joe would notice if you were being obvious.

one of your hands wandered to his face, holding his jaw and cheek before returning to the kiss. it felt just as intimate and experimental as the first time. joe gripped your hips, still pushing and pulling. your brushed his nipple again, making him whimper. you pull away, looking at him.

“can i touch you here? is it okay?” you gave a little pinch to make the message a little clearer. he whines, nodding. you closed the gap, hand moving away from his jaw and to the straps of his costume. you slowly undressed him, studying how every touch felt. his arm lifted, letting you take it off. his skin was smooth, gentle and soft in contrast with the muscles underneath.

you removed the other strap, moving it low enough to expose his chest. you nearly drooled at the sight. the shock made you realize how little you’ve seen of him. even though you’ve seen his most private area, you still didn’t get the privilege to see the rest of him. his shoulders tensed, shy under your gaze.

“you look so pretty,” you hum. he nods, reassured. considering you were ‘straight’ only a month ago, you were shocked by how infatuated you were. his chest flushed, rising and falling slowly as he looked over you at the same time. his hands moved under your shirt, exploring your skin. you buried your face in his neck, moaning into his flesh as he massaged. you kissed, licking over the muscle and causing him to squirm.

“off..” he mumbled, pulling at your shirt. you pull back and he lets go of the material. you chuckle, leading his hands back to the hem.

“if you want it off, you gotta take it off.” he makes eye contact, expression nervous and seeking approval. you nod. he lifts the shirt over your head and looks at your abdomen. he stares.

“you’re skinny.” you start to laugh, which makes him shy. “no, i didn’t- you’re shirt..”

“it’s fine, baby.” he’d never seen you with a shirt or pants that actually fit, usually 2 or 3 sizes too big. he was confused by it, you could tell by the fact that he offered to give you extra shirts he had that would fit better when you first met him. his hands found their way to your waist. he squeezed, making you squirm and giggle.

“you’re ticklish?” he grinned. you shook your head, straightening your expression and pushing his hands off.

“nah, man. i’m not-“ he grabbed at your sides again. you whined, trying to wiggle away as one of his arms wrapped around your hip and held you still. you pushed against his chest as he smiled up at you. he let go after a few seconds.

“you’re such a liar!” he giggled as you complained. you felt a twinge in your chest, guilt burning for just a moment before he kissed you again, cutting off your rambling. a small smile formed, melting into his touch as he started to unbutton your jeans. your hands hovered over his, waiting for him to go for your sides again, but he was far too focused on what was in your pants.

you reached for his chest again, making him whine as he touched your cock over your boxers. he was gentle, almost scared to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. you grind into his hand with a moan, confirmation to keep going. you stayed attached to his chest, circling his areola. he shivered, bringing a smile to your face.

“you sensitive there?” you teased. he nodded, head kept low as he moaned. he touched you the same way you did him, trying to mimick each move in the same order. his thumb rubbed just under the tip, you moaning in response. “come on, baby. touch me. please?”

he obeys, sliding your boxers low enough to expose you to him. he stared for a few seconds, watching as you twitched in his palm. you whined, pinching his nipple to make him move. he moaned, his cock now twitching from within his suit.

“why don’t you touch yourself, too?” you suggested. he glanced up as you took a hold of his hand, tracing over each indent on his palm. “you got big hands, i’m sure you can hold both at the same time.”

he nods, also pulling his pants just low enough to expose himself. you bit your lip at the sight, watching him pull your hips closer. he hooked his thumb onto his cock before taking a hold of yours, pressing them together. you moan as he moves his hand slowly. he nodded, taking your moan as verbal encouragement and quickly jerking both of you off.

your hips bucked, thrusting into his fist every so often as you fondled his chest. you buried your face in his neck, licking the skin before attaching your lips. he moaned, his free hand grabbing onto your bicep. you pinched again.

“there.. just like that.” you moan into his mouth, mumbling praises as he sped up, desperation taking over sensuality. you whined as he moved away from your lips, pressing his face into your shoulder. he moaned rythmically, just as you did. you lifted his chin, pushing his head back before dipping down.

he gasped when you licked over his nipple, teeth grazing over it as he grabbed onto your hair. he twitched, the jump made evident by your touching cocks. you moaned as well, the brief friction taking you by suprise. you suckled on his breast, just like you did to girls. he whined as you did so, unable to decide between watching and throwing his head back in pleasure.

“i’m.. i think i’m close-“ joe whined, gripping harder as he did the same to your cocks, desperately moving up and down. you moan at the admission.

“you think you can wait for me?” he nearly wailed, making you smile against his chest.

“pleaseee..”

“kiss me. i’ll cum faster if you kiss me.” he quickly grabbed onto your hair, pulling you up and pressing his lips to yours. you melted, openly moaning into his mouth as you throbbed within his grip. he kept pulling, remembering how much you loved it before. he took advantage of it, yanking at your locks passionately.

before you knew it, you were cumming all over your own bare chest and his latex costume. he moaned as you did, rushing to catch up and cum at the same time. he succeeded, pulling your hair one last time as his hips stuttered against his own fist. it was overwhelming. his hand in your hair, fist squeezing your cocks together as it moved, his lips against yours. it was all too much.

you whined, softening in his grip as he slowly lets go. he whimpered, too. your cocks lazily pressed together, just barely overstimulating both of you. you finally pull away, ending the kiss. he looked up at you, pupils blown and eyes wide.

“what?” you ask, wondering why he looked at you that way. his expression didn’t change as his eyes flicked between each of your features.

“i know you’re a boy but..” he trails off. his hand reached up to your face, his thumb running over each of his favorite features. he parted your lips, noting their reddish hue after kissing, before caressing your cheeks while looking into your eyes. it was intimate, letting someone caress your face while pointing out their favorite features with each touch. you flushed under his gaze. “you’re pretty.”

“you think so?” you didn’t mean to ask the question, it slipping out before you could catch it. you voice was soft, barely above a whisper. he nods. you felt hot, heat suddenly overwhelming you as he looked away from your eyes and studied your features ahain. there’s a moment where both of you watch eachother, you being too scared to even think about what he meant. eventually, you pulled apart and cleaned up.

filming felt awkward now. for some reason, it felt like everyone was watching you. filming ended and while joe usually left soon after wrapping, he stayed behind, waiting for you to leave. at first, you didn’t understand why he’d stay, but he quickly made it clear as he made conversation.

“i’m hungry. do you want to get something after you’re done? my treat!” he smiled at you. you agree absentmindedly. “can we get mcdonalds? i heard the big mac’s good!”

“you heard?” you chuckle as he confirms. “so you’ve never been to mcdonalds?”

“no. my mom always cooked for us ‘cause that’s what a woman is supposed to do.” you grimace.

“you know, women can do other things, right?”

“yeah, but that’s what my mom and dad always said.” you decide to leave it there, too tired to explain feminism to him. you were frustrated anyway, considering you were left alone to clean up all by yourself. you assumed most of the actors left, but the film crew should be helping disassemble everything. you knew the lazy assholes maxxx hired as help usually fucked off and waited for you to finish, but at least dave would help. even he was nowhere to be seen.

joe stayed behind as you did a final sweep to make sure everything was reset. you found one of the doors shut and a distant rumble of voices behind it, a suspicious sight considering you assumed everyone was gone. you opened, slowly poking your head in and finding the entire crew, actors included, standing around yelling at eachother.

“no, dude! did you see the way they were looking at eachother? they’re totally fucking!” a voice called back, continuing a conversation you missed the first half of.

“man’s looks in love! they’re totally dating!” a girl spoke up.

“why not both? you’re acting like it’s one or the other!” you stepped in, shutting the door behind you as you entered.

“i swear! they were flirting outside and y/n was complimenting him!” you furrowed your brow, just barely recognizing your name in the sea of words.

“i just don’t see him as the type.. i mean he doesn’t even look gay. also, didn’t he fuck ava?”

“he probably likes both, dude. dave likes guys and girls, too.”

“he’ll fuck anything as long as it has a pulse. either way, joe’s the queer one of the two.” joe? why were they talking about him? you glared at the man who said it, who quickly realized you were listening in and stopped talking.

“what’s going on?” you asked slowly, watching as a few people held their hands behing their back. you stepped forward, looking at the producer, who turned with you to avoid showing his backside. “what are you holding?”

“uhhh…” you grabbed for his wrist, making a 100 dollar bill fall to the ground. you paused, staring at the cash as some people snuck out of the room. “why are you holding that?”

“y/n, it’s fine.” dave spoke up, directing your attention towards him. he was sat at a fold up table, a shoebox next to him along with a clipboard with multiple columns and rows. “it’s just a friendly little bet. gotta keep morale up, right?”

“what’s the bet?” at this point, the room was almost fully empty as everyone escaped. you and dave stared at eachother, him smiling innocently. he looked away for a second, fiddling with the corner of the paper.

“i just want to preface by saying, i didn’t tell anyone anything.” you furrowed your brow, only getting more confused. he slid over the clipboard. on the paper, you four columns, each labeled.

not gay | fucking | dating | both.

the worst part was, fucking was the most betted. you stared, mouth agape. “everyone saw you eyeing up joe the last couple of times you worked together, so when people started talking, i told them to put their money where their mouth is. most people thought you just had a fat crush on joe, but lily said she saw you guys flirting outside, which kinda skewed the vote.. everyone wanted to change their votes, but rules are rules. they know they can’t-“

“you’re fucking with me, right?” he paused before shaking his head. “how long has this been going on?!”

“yeah, well, people noticed how you changed your shirt in the middle of filming and how you stared at him. not to mention the fact that he’s waiting for you to finish putting everything away so you could go out. there’s actually a lot of proof. he keeps dragging you off into his dressing room, you spaced out when you first saw him in that costume..”

you stared in disbelief, unable to even find an excuse. everyone was watching. everyone knew you liked him and everyone assumed he liked you. you felt sick. the idea of the entire crew and a legion of pornstars betting on yours and joe’s queerness made you ill.

“obviously, i’m the bookie because it’d be cheating for me to vote since.. you know.” you cringed. “but it’s all for fun! i promise there isn’t any malicious intent.”

“you’re making a bet off of me and joe being gay, that sounds pretty malicious.” dave shrugged.

“it’s not out of ill-will. it’s just a fun bet-“

“about me and joe being gay?”

“yes!” you scoff, grabbing onto your hair and groaning.

“you have to call it off, dude. if joe finds out-“

“he’s not gonna find out-“

“if joe finds out,” you emphasize. “he’s gonna freak out.”

“how do you know? he seems pretty into you. he probably thinks you guys are already dating.” you rolled your eyes at the assumption.

“joe just got ex-communicated. if he finds out that what we’re doing is gay..” dave laughed, a large grin spreading as he held onto his chest.

“what? he really believes that bullshit you spew about just being friends?!” you glared, ready to argue back before he interrupted. “i know you think you know joe well, but be honest with yourself. you barely know the dude outside of sex, how would you know how he feels about being gay. did he ever mention the idea of being gay as a bad thing?”

you stayed quiet, realizing that no, he hadn’t said being gay is a bad thing. even when he questioned it, he never said it was wrong. he called it a sin once, but he easily could have meant masturbation. you looked away.

“maybe try talking to him. you know, not about how hot he looks in latex.” you flushed. “ava said you two were gonna go out to get something to eat, so you got the perfect opportunity. bring him to mcdonalds, get him some shitty nuggets and a big mac, large fry too, and ask him about himself. spend some time together. actually do something that doesn’t involve sex.”

you glared, genuinely angry at dave for assuming what you knew about joe. you hands trembled a bit before you huffed and walked off. you stormed down the stairs and found joe, sat cross-legged on the ground, poking around at some of the cameras. he jumped back when he saw you, quickly putting it back into place.

“oh, hey! did you see everyone? i thought they all left and they came down the steps, but they were acting all weird. did you talk to th-“

“let’s go.” you grabbed his hand, practically dragging him towards your car. “what do you want from mcdonalds? you said a big mac, right?”

“oh, uhhh.. i heard the nuggets are good-“

“whatever you want. you can get nuggets, a burger, a fuckin’ mcrib, i don’t care. it’s on me.” joe nods, following quickly as you opened the car door for him. he thanks you and you quickly get in on the other side, rushing to the nearest mcdonalds.

there was a few minutes of silence, you too angry to start speaking and him feeling the rage radiating off of you. you tried to think of an ice breaker. it was awkward, realizing that dave was right. you didn’t know anything about joe. you knew what he looked like and where he liked to be touched, but nothing personal. you cleared your throat.

“so.. tell me about yourself.”

he did. he talked about his childhood, being a middle child with 5 siblings. he talked about his mom, how she loved cooking and he always wanted to help, but she’d shoo him off and say it was a womans job. he talked about being mormon, what growing up was like within the mormon faith, he even mentioned a girl he was supposed to marry before they broke up. he also talked about what he liked and what he wanted to do. turns out, he always thought video games were cool, which started a conversation about your playstation and the games you had.

you got several things from mcdonalds, creating a buffet for the two of you when you got back to your place. you showed him the games you talked about and taught him how to play tony hawk’s pro skater 2. he loved it and you did too. both of you fell asleep on the couch, him laying on your chest while you played, mumbling to him about techniques, even though he was clearly unconscious. the next day, you hung out some more. you made breakfast together, went out to the mall together, got lunch together. it was amazing and by the end of the day, joe stood awkwardly outside your car door, fingers twiddling.

“so.. i’ll see you again, right?” you nod. he looks down. you took what dave said to heart, refusing to have sex with him during your time spent. you were sure that’s what he was thinking about. he had fun, but the one thing you two were comfortable doing was excluded.

“if you want to come by, just let me know. i had fun.” joe nods. there’s a moment of silence, only the crickets chirping making noise. he circles your car, going to the driver side. you roll down the window. “what are you-“

he kissed you. a quick peck like a couple would do before parting. he pulled away, taking in your features for a split second before rushing to his car and leaving. you flushed. maybe he did like you.

[averywiseanimatedcat]

I’m back with another ridiculous over analysis because I have issues.

I want to talk about the end credit elevator/Bentley scene.

Because there’s something BOTHERING me so much about it and other than coffee theory (which I don’t believe) I haven’t seen any explanation for it.

So to address Crowley first…his expression doesn’t really change he through the whole end credits. Which is on brand, he isn’t processing. You can see he’s on the edge of a breakdown but he won’t let it out. From the moment he gets in the car he is stonewalling. He hardly even reacts to A nightingale sang in Berkeley square playing, just calmly turns it off with a tiny lip twitch and drives away. He’s just staring blankly ahead while he drives and his face hardly even moves. All in character.

But Azirapahle…he is doing a whole lotta processing in that elevator. Sis is going through it.

At first he’s still recovering, looks like he’s about to have a breakdown to. He looks heartbroken. Devastated.

Once he gets past the initial heartbroken stage his expression is changing to a more determined look. He’s doing a Crowley shoving those feelings down. In my mind he’s planning a way to get Crowley back. Or he’s telling himself that Crowley will comeback on his own like he has before. He’s telling himself he is in the right and it will all be ok because he’s a bit delulu and he’s still in shock about what’s happened. Pretty normal and in character.

Then it gets WEIRD

These last few seconds are driving me insane.

This does not look like Aziraphale. At all. And this is the only reason I would consider coffee theory could be true BUT only if the brainwashing didn’t kick in until he was in the elevator. Because I cannot fathom what on earth would posses Aziraphale to smile like this.

This isn’t the smile that he does when he’s trying to be polite or pretend he’s ok. And he’s not smiling at the Metatron, he’s smiling at himself.

It’s not his determined ‘I’m going to fix everything’ smile.

It’s definitely not his normal genuine or excited smile.

Someone more insane than me might be able to correct me here but I don’t think we’ve ever seen Aziraphale smile like this before?

The smile isn’t IN his eyes (they’re dead asf) but it IS reaching them because it’s taking over his whole face. He looks like a serial killer and I cannot wrap my head around it. I cannot fathom that he would be smiling about the job at this point. That’s just weird and doesn’t make sense.

Either Micheal has made this acting choice or he was directed to do it for a very good reason. And it coming at the end feels like it was just dropped there as a hint. I’m not sure if the hint is plot related (like Coffee theory), or it’s just a hint as to what Aziraphales headspace will be like when we pick up in S3.

But can we all agree this face is CREEPY. It’s giving super villain vibes and I hate it. I feel like he’s going to appear in my sleep paralysis tonight and I’m scared.

Anyway.

The explanation options I have at this point are:

1. Something like coffee theory where some kind of outside influence is effecting him in the elevator (but not beforehand in the bookshop). This face does remind me of Gabriel’s weirdly overly happy expressions when he was Arc Angel

2. He’s in shock

3. He isn’t as good at hiding his feelings as Crowley is, so maybe he’s just over compensating to prevent a breakdown infront of the Metatron

4. He has convinced himself that Crowley will come back and is experiencing a weird mix of delusional excitement and pain

5. He’s having a complete mental breakdown (same)

[adhd-merlin]

2023 WRITING REVIEW

I really don't write much but it's the second time @eeverlark tags me in a writing meme (I think) soooo alright lys I'll do it. for you 🫶🏻

1. number of stories posted to ao3: 4, and yes I'm counting the fic I updated in early January because 7 out of 8 chapters were written in 2023

2. number of words posted last year: 49k

3. fandoms i wrote for: only Merlin I'm monogamous 💛

4. pairings: Merwenthur; Merwaine; background Arwen in an Arthur & Merlin fic if that counts

5. stories with the most:

KUDOS || BOOKMARKS: Call It Anything We Want (281 | 48)

COMMENT THREADS: my merwenthur vignettes have 31 threads (excluding the chapter posted in January 2024). makes sense given every chapter is basically a self-contained ficlet

6. work i'm most proud of (and why): every fic I write is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever written and it remains so until I post a new one.

Honestly though every fic(let) has some things I like and some I think I could've done better.

Having said that, Call It Anything We Want is the first fic I posted on ao3 after a long writing hiatus so. I'm proud of that and of the amount of time I've put into this story as a whole.

7. work i'm least proud of (and why): hmmm see previous answer.

there's a ficlet called The Hunting Trip that I think I could have done better – mainly the conversation Arthur and Merlin have about Uther – but I just wanted to get it done tbh. I do like how it starts though. And Cavall the dog :)

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: I absolutely love any time someone says they liked my characterisation. for example:

your characterization is insane i am so obsessed. its so so good. like. idk how to describe it you just write relationships meshing so well together and not in like. an unrealistically flawless way but in a warm and familiar way. im in awe.

or

I love this story, your writing, this relationship, this dynamic, your details, your characterization, your everything and I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time. I’m sorry for not expressing this earlier. Your continuation of the original story was incredibly, believably, wondrously fantastic.

Comments like these give me life 🥺

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: 99% of the time if I'm being honest

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wrote a ficlet that was supposed to be magically genderbent!Merlin x Arthur smut but it ended up being fem!Merlin x Gwen instead because Arthur wasn't cooperating

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:

“Ah, the court sorcerer himself!” Gwaine exclaims, spreading his arms wide, and some wine sloshes out of his goblet and spills on the floor. He claps one hand on Merlin's shoulder. “Congratulations, Master Merlin.” “I told you to stop calling me that.” Gwaine just looks at him. Head to toe, with a grin that does nothing to hide what he's thinking, and must therefore come across as incredibly lewd. “You look good in green,” is all he says. Merlin raises an eyebrow. “You think I look good in anything.” Gwaine leans closer; close enough to purr in Merlin’s ear: “And even better in nothing at all.” Mainly for the pleasure of watching the tips of Merlin’s ears flush pink. — UNWAVERING

12. how did you grow as a writer last year: well I actually wrote something which is a good starting point

13. how do you hope to grow this year: I'd love to write a multi-chapter fic with an actual plot someday. also get better at titling things

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): I think all the lovely people that left me some feedback made me push myself a tiny bit harder to keep writing and posting. a special shout-out to @castelled-away for writing whole essays about my merwenthur ficlets, I've loved every single comment 💛

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: nothing apart from my desire to kiss Colin Morgan on the mouth

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers: sometimes done is better than perfect. just get it done and move on it's fine if it's not a masterpiece. at least that's what I often have to tell myself but also I suspect I have adhd

17. any projects you're looking to starting (or finishing) this year: I would like to finish my Sefa-centric WIP, I wrote like 8k words but I'm not sure where it's going

[meherya]

Let's talk about The Brothers Sun :)

I think, my number one gripe with this show was that, I could see the potential... there were scenes where you could see the insane shit this show could have pulled off if it was written by literally ANYONE else

The first thing that really made me go 🤨 watching this show was the incessant references to #diasporaasiankidtingz.. I'd understand if it was here or there as some sort of comedy relief... But no it was literally every other scene if not every scene....

From a cop adjacent character eating buldak noodles at an active crime scene, to teaching a Taiwanese gangster the hidden asian mom language... it was just so... stupid? Is the only way I could describe it, it's like someone compiled a number of posts from Facebook's Subtle Asian Traits page and structured the story and dialogue around that? Thought it was kind of funny that they remembered "Asian" doesn't just mean East Asian when they threw in random brown girl from the morgue...

Actingwise, Justin Chien is by no means a bad actor, every scene where he speaks in mandarin his acting is a lot less wooden than when his dialogue is english and I genuinely believe it's because of the rigid way they wrote his lines in english... as for everyone else.... Sam Song Li was rlly putting his whole bussy into his americanized first gen immigrant kid schtick and like whatever...

I found the concept of this top Triad guy coming to LA to look after his mom and brother after an assassination attempt on their father to be intriguing... his mom was as cool as I expected (her own fight scene... ofc she should've been head bitch in charge!!!) but ofc his brother would be a whitewashed loser!! But you know, it could've worked!!! It could've been interesting if they didn't have Bruce emulating Marvel movie comedy all the fucking time... But if you think about it too hard you might go, why would the son/best fighter of this Triad leave the whole business behind to look after his mom/brother and not take back up with him?? Some math was simply not mathing... but we move on

There's just a lot of points that don't make sense plotwise? Like oh so now this random cop girl is actually childhood besties with Charles?... And the way they try to force some semblance of chemistry between the two with them hamfisting by them just going back and forth like "remember when-"... and their flirting was gag worthy bc they had her speaking huskily for no reason?? It was really lifeless sort of interactions and they were really trying for the star crossed lovers bit but it simply did not work sorry.... It was kind of fucked because the tension between Drowsy and Charles in like 1/4 of an episode was 10 times whatever the cop girl and Charles had going on.... Though I do appreciate it how the show does go "once a rat, always a rat" bc she really fucked that man just to get a bust on him like woah!!! Of all my grievances with that lacklustre romance I do appreciate them not being together and her being loner loser at the end.

But anyways... I think the show did decent job at showing how trying to live up to a parent's expectations can break you as a person and force you into a role you dgaf about, and how it's important to also put your needs first before you become a shell of a person... But also they could have done it without being corny as fuck...

I think the plot with this underdog group of anti-Triads would have been soo good, if it was integrated better? Also Grace randomly approaching Bruce like we all knew she was gonna be a traitor... And like!! She wasn't wrong!! Their group was wasn't wrong!!! Why should the Triads exist when all they do is profit off others misery??? Like we are supposed to cheer on the Triads why? Because that's who we follow largely, and because of Bruce's bitchass.... He pissed me off soo bad by the end it's not even funny...

Think the show could have had merit if Bruce decided to join Grace after seeing old bald dude get killed, and realizing how fucked his family is... Him snitching to a group of people who want to murder your family, claiming that was him trying to save his family from themselves.... And believing them when they say okay well we'll try not to kill them but no promises... How are you a pre-med when you're that stupid lol

I was gonna write paragraph of how I wanted to see this go and how they could have factored in Charles being ordered to kill Bruce (which was fucking insane by the way, my fave episode of the series) to be even more wild but like it's marketed as a comedy so whatever but man it was fucking corny as shit with random gaping plot holes that we really dont want to think too long and hard about .... I will say tho, kudos for not having white people in this as love interests or sidekicks so!!!! So 2/5

also curious what Taiwanese ppl think about that scene where Bruce just calls Charles Chinese... Ik Taiwan and China got some beef, idk the specifics of it but 👀

[theconstantsidekick]

BABES

I’ve been rereading everything in the staticverse bc it’s honestly become like such a great source of comfort for me and ily so much for it.

but as i was rereading i was struck by just HOW MUCH i love it. so i compiled a little list for you 💗

1. you have put absolutely insane amounts of detail into this and i appreciate it so fucking much you have no idea. there is layers upon layers upon layers of lore and plot connections and just UGH.

2. static. that’s it. end of story. just static.

2.2 okay so i know that you have your concerns about creating a reader that might be interpreted as “too similar” to the author but fuck that it’s bullshit. this is your work this is your creation you get to do whatever the fuck you want with it.

2.3 also static is such a badass and it’s honestly so refreshing to see a x reader fanfic where she isn’t a total mary sue or just the human embodiment of a slice of white bread. static is NOT BLAND she is NOT BORING. she has her faults she has her flaws and it makes her so much more relatable as a character. it’s so much easier to like step into the readers shoes when they’re a fully fleshed out character as opposed to a blank slate to project yourself onto. the way that you write static and her interactions with everyone around her is honestly on a whole other level and i like cant describe it it’s just so ajsjfosnsnajakakadjd

3. adding onto my like static and her interactions thing, dude. the way you portray her relationships with each different character so differently and yet so HER is insane. it shows how phenomenally multifaceted she is and i just genuinely love it

4. whenever the story is being “narrated” by a different character, your writing changes tone so well without losing its quality. there’s a stark (haha get it) difference between the way tony narrates as opposed to say steve or harley or even static herself and that’s something that i love with my entire fucking heart. you’re able to so seamlessly blend these characters together to create a beautiful tapestry of a world within the MCU and have i mentioned that i love it?

5. the EFFORT you put into this is unparalleled. like genuinely you could wake up tomorrow and say “im done writing this forever” and delete all of your work and i would still be happy that i got to be a small part of it. everything about the way that you world built and character developed and connected events is just SO GOOD LIKE????

6. this is embarrassing lowkey but static has like become my personality now? if im in a situation where im nervous or intimidated i just think about the avengers ft static when she goes to recruit Steve and he says something along the lines of “people didn’t hold themselves like that unless they were truly very sure of themselves” (i BUTCHERED that ik and im so sorry about it but i hope you know what point im referencing) and it like HELPS A LOT!!!

7. i originally read this bc im a slut for bucky barnes but i adore the way that it’s expanded to become more of just a series about static herself. you’ve developed such an interesting and exciting character that just like reading about what she ate for breakfast would make my month. and i will shamelessly admit that when she said “steve wasn’t the love of her life, bucky isn’t the love of her life, morgan is the love of her life” (again butchering the quote i am so disappointed in myself) i teared up. bc like while i am simply a hole made special for james barnes it was just so nice to see that this was a (cliché alert) strong, independent, female character who’s life didn’t revolve around a love interest. and no one looks for that in x reader fanfiction but it’s such a blessing that you were able to make it and i was able to find it.

8. this series and these fics are literally like free therapy and i love you more than static loves morgan, harley, and peter

sorry for the essay but i need you to know that i love you so so so so much.

im right behind you babe ❤️❤️❤️

when I tell you, I sobbed on a random tuesday morning after reading this....

I had been feeling really fucking shitty and then I woke up, i read this, first thing in the morning and honestly? Depression? Cured. Skin? Cleared. Laundry? Folded.

This was so personal to me. I just.. I cannot express how much this means to me, no matter how hard I try. It moves me so much that you noticed all the little information I had scattered throughout the story thinking like, 'oh this will be a fun callback when i read it later' only to find out you were following along!!!! This is literally the best feeling ever.

Whenever I'm having a shit day, questioning my 'talents' at work (because my job is in a similar zone) I come back to read this and I'm like yeah, well. @third-broparcelicito loved my shit so I cannot be that bad lmao.

Anyway, all this is to say, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading whatever content I put out and investing your time, energy and love into it so deeply. I swear people like you are the only reason I keep coming back to the series and updating it randomly. You keep me going despite my overly busy schedule. Thank you so so much.

I'm right behind you. I've got your back.

[atherix]

HI ITS THE ANON THAT POINTED OUT TUBBO BEING IMMUNE TO MIMICS!! IM BACK AND IM SO INSANE!!!! IM LITERALLY SHAKING YOU IN A SNOW GLOBE RN. Everything about this new chapter is so AAAAA I LOVE IT SM!! also also ive decided to reread the whole series so i could take notes on everything- ive been having a wonderful time <3Something horrible ive realized with the fact that Mimics can read anything’s mind is that they can change into the Warden (if the wardens are actually alive still). (1/4)

HELLO ANON GOOD ON YOU FOR FIGURING THAT OUT!! <3 What kind of snow globe? Is it one of those cool ones you get from a zoo? :D

Thank yoouuuu <3<3 JFJSKJKSK that is a long read :o I wish you luck jgfddkgkfd please ignore any plot holes I may have forgotten to fill in along the way <3

:) Hehehehe now that's an idea isn't it... so this just in I quickly pulled up minecraft to make sure Wardens don't aggro on each other (since they aggro on literally everything else) so :) I'm just sayin, if there's a Warden or even something that looks like a Warden.... (of course, there's no telling if the Mimics can fool a Warden, since the Warden uses scent :) ) But gods, yeah, they would be pretty fucked if a Mimic mimicked a Warden- something intelligent and able to make choices and not run off instinct alone? Rip-

Half Fae is Fae enough but yes, if he was full Fae the backlash would probably have been much worse/outright killed him since full Fae are 100% made of Fae magic and Scar actually has a flesh and blood body alongside his magic so <3 That isn't to say his body isn't made of magic at all though... mm :)

hahahaha oh yeah, the water.... :) the Void-fog was foreshadowed by the "heavy" shadows Mumbo kept losing his own shadows in so <3 The smell of mold and water and Sculk........ That was honestly more to emphasize how long this place has been here, and was a very subtle hint (that won't be understood the first read through) that they're approaching an Ancient City. So the fun thing there isn't that Mumbo really doubts Scar loves him. Mumbo's real doubt is that he deserves to be loved by Scar, which the Mimic kind of twisted and then Mumbo started thinking about it, but he's stronger than that and has Tubbo there to reaffirm it <3 Lmao Scar would tell Tubbo little things that added up to Tubbo <3 Tis why Tubbo so easily trusted Mumbo the very first time he met him- because Scar holds Mumbo in high regard, he MUST be trustworthy!! :D lmao-

It's alright, I am no stranger to posting/messaging at 3 AM <3

I LIVE FOR MIDNIGHT!SCAR AND TUBBO'S RELATIONSHIP it is just so hjfsdjkhgfdjk I adore them <3 The funny thing is that line has actually already been revealed on my tumblr haha I won't reveal it now tho :) I don't feel like it's MAJORLY impactful tbh, it doesn't feel plot-essential to me, but. Ya know. It's fine <3

fhjsdfhjkgksd thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you're enjoying it!! <3 Hhhjjhgh <3

So the word count thing! If you're following me and you see me pop up on your dash (on desktop, idk about phone), you can actually hit my icon on your dash. It'll bring up a pop-up of my blog and if you hit ask on that pop-up blog, rather than going directly to my blog, it'll remove the character limit! It's how I have anons who send me essays <3

[according-to-the-laura]

StackedNatural Day 175: 2x21, 13x22

StackedNatural Masterpost: [x]

May 10, 2022

2x21: All Hell Breaks Loose (Part 1)

Written by: Sera Gamble

Directed by: Robert Singer

Original air date: May 10, 2007

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and other "special children" are abducted by the Yellow-Eyed Demon and taken to a ghost town, where the ultimate battle must start.

Features:

Sam disappearing, Ava and Andy’s return, all the special kids, an abandoned ghost town, the arson of The Roadhouse, Dean’s first/only vision, special kid Hunger Games, Ava’s villain monologue, Sam’s first death. 

My Thoughts:

You know what? I love the psychic kids plotline. I’ve said this a million times, we all know this. I know it doesn’t fit perfectly with the season 4/5 angel and apocalypse plot, but I think you can twist it enough that it doesn’t ruin continuity the way SOME THINGS (looking at you, Lebanon) do. 

First of all, Lucifer has been locked away since almost the dawn of time. It’s possible he didn’t tell Azazel absolutely everything about the plan for the apocalypse and that Sam was meant to be his vessel. If he did know everything and he could convince Sam to murder the other special kids, that might have helped twist his soul or his morals to the point that he would willingly submit to being Lucifer’s vessel. Either way, the special kid hunger games are a super fun plot point.

I love the set piece of Cold Oak. It’s super spooky and has the right ambience for this kind of episode. I love Ava and how clean her grift is, how good she is at acting. She’s my biggest argument for the hunger games being a way to turn Sam into the kind of person who would say yes, to be honest. She was a normal person forced into an insane situation and she did things to survive that completely changed her. 

I love that Sam is the one to find the knife that kills him, and that his inherent goodness and inability to kill someone, even someone he thinks deserves it, is what gets him. Plus Dean’s theme plays as he dies in Dean’s arms…

I can’t believe the Roadhouse only lasted one season of this show. It feels like such a huge thing in my memory, I guess because Ellen and Jo stick around for a few more seasons. The monkey toy that comes in and out of focus when Ash is talking to Dean on the phone is also seen in Dean’s (fake) heaven in the finale and in Dean’s fake bar in Nihilism when he’s trapped in his fantasy of settling down. 

Notable Lines:

“You’re the one I’m rooting for. [...] Welcome to the Miss America pageant. Why do you think you’re here? This is a competition. Only one of you crazy kids is gonna make it out of here alive.”

“Better than mother’s milk.”

“I'm the undefeated heavyweight champ.”

“We’re gonna patch you up, okay? You’ll be good as new. Huh? I’m gonna take care of you. I’m gonna take you care of you. I’ve got you. That’s my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother?”

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 9.7

IMdB Rating: 9.2

13x22: Exodus

Written by: Buckleming

Directed by: Thomas J. Wright

Original air date: May 10, 2018

Plot Synopsis:

Sam and Dean devise a plan that will save innocent lives. Meanwhile, Jack continues to wrestle with the consequences of his decisions.

Features:

Mary punching Satan in the face, the beginnings of Chief Sam, Jack meeting bio-dad, archangel family reunions, the German Castiel that I had erased from my memory, a school bus full of apocalypse refugees, Gabriel’s actual death. 

My Thoughts:

I hated this episode! The pacing was bad, the dialogue was bad, and everything interesting they tried to do was so poorly executed as to be worse than useless. 

German Nazi Castiel sucks so bad, I had forgotten that this was the episode he was in and it was an extremely bad surprise to see him again. I’m a big subscriber to the idea that Apocalypse World Cas should have been using Claire as a vessel instead, which would have made Cas’ moment with himself way more interesting - we already know that he hates himself, so I think having to kill someone that looks like Claire would be way harder for him. 

The other worst part of this episode is right at the end as they all escape into the main world. It’s structured so poorly. Trying to both give Gabriel a big sacrifice AND let Sam basically spit in Lucifer’s face undermines both. There’s no reason for Sam and Dean to be standing around watching the archangels fight - all of the other people are already through the gate. Gabriel even says he’s going to buy them time to get through, and they make no move to actually run to the portal. They might as well have busted out the popcorn. So Gabriel dies for nothing, and then they finally run, and THEN Sam gets to shove Lucifer back. 

If Gabriel was going to be tossed aside as a character like this, they shouldn’t have brought him back in the first place. He spent the entire time being powerless, so he didn’t serve a purpose in the narrative in that sense. His sacrifice was wasted - they should have allowed his death in Hammer of the Gods to stand, since it actually helped them and gave them the tools they needed to stop the apocalypse. 

If they wanted to do a plot where “maybe Lucifer is right and misunderstood”, they could have done that - in theory, it could be really interesting! But it needed to take place over way more episodes and show us way more of what that was doing to Sam emotionally and mentally, especially if there had been a scene where Dean trusted Lucifer over him. Double points if Lucifer is in a new, cooler vessel, so the slate feels clean even when it isn’t. Or just write him better, either would work. 

Notable Lines:

None I cared about.

Laura’s (completely subjective) Episode Rating: 1.8

IMdB Rating: 8.3

In Conclusion: WILD range in quality today.

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[terramythos]

Mort by Terry Pratchett Reading Notes

Full Review Here!

So this book also opens with a young person and their parents. As did Equal Rites which I need to restart 

Ok so I didn't take notes as methodically as usual to start But as with Guards Guards it is very funny, with jokes that just keep coming back when you don't expect them. Lots of good bits and parallels 

And the fucking MORPHOGENETIC FIELD fuck 

-i like Mort but he's most certainly going to do some Dumb Shit. He is also very blank slate in terms of protagonists. His most consistent trait is reminding people about his name. Which I imagine will have some payoff 

-I find some of the parallels funny like death clearly taking on Mort to maybe get together with his adopted daughter after his dad talked about that exact thing (in that context seemingly ridiculous). I hope there's more to it than that however. 

-and I do wonder about how succession with Death would even work. As I'm pretty sure Death in this book is the same entity in the whole series 

-not to make this elder scrolls but I guess they could do something like Sheogorath where you Become that person in every significant way after inheriting the role from them. I'm sure there's a better comparison/example lol 

-but Mort could just be a. Friend or something. Which would also be fine 

-I'm sure sexy witch won't be a Thing at all later  

-Listeners hear every sound in Discworld? 

-"light dawned on Mort, but very slowly" lmao 

-ok Death showing up to someone who perpetually reincarnates is a little bit funny. What Is the point 

-'cut the heir with a knife' what a pun. Insane 

- interesting to frame Mort saving Keli from her perspective. So we don't know exactly what he thought as he did it. And this was presumably a Very Bad Thing since she was supposed to die and he killed the assassin instead? 

-so many anachronistic similies and metaphors. I guess that is appropriate for this book specifically 

-also idk if this is relevant at all. But Keli not dying has a big butterfly effect, obviously. But what about the assassin? Who were they? How would their death change things? 

-i have to imagine no one really noticing you exist suddenly without being FULLY non existent would be pretty awful 

-"there's no justice. There's just you" will this come around again to a "just us" 

-ok Ysabelle kinda goth. Which like obviously, but nice  

-oops! You made a split timeline 

-theres something interesting about this? Border? Between realities an 'interface'. Cause that has a very specific meaning in 2024, but I bet it read different in 1987. At least a little 

-i like the narrative dropping A Big Hint for the reader by noting how the character did not notice it 

-the description of how Mort has changed might be The Quote 

-a fan of something being so real it's uncanny. Especially in the realm of fiction. Gives me Inkheart thoughts 

-ok the whole thing with Mort being able to walk through doors and walls was introduced EARLY and continues to be so. And Death seemed to consider it normal. But what causes it? Why does it only work sometimes? 

-this is a fairly familiar plot where you change 1 thing in history and everything else changes as a butterfly effect. The main difference so far is it being a delayed reaction. I want to see if Pratchett does something different with it otherwise 

-capital L Logic "taking the night off too" 

-so a split timeline will heal itself but Mort is going to fuck it up again? 

-a fucking island named KRULL? No way, no fucking way. Hold on I have to look something up 

-2 thing I learned googling Krull: the MOVIE Krull came out in 1983, 4 years before this book. So it is very plausible Pratchett knew of it. Second thing is Liam Neeson was in it, which I was somehow unaware of or forgot 

-"why did you save me?" "... for later" God damn why is Pratchett clever 

-Mort suddenly scary! And here I think is the first bit where he doesn't say "Mort" when someone calls him boy. Instead he's scary about it. So. That's a fun play on what I expected. 

-we have. Switched to present tense. I see 

-im not sure what this revelation about Malich is supposed to be implying. Maybe I missed something. I think the only person we don't know anything about it Deaths butler? Guy? 

-oh yeah. Albert is his name. And the famous wizard is Alberto Malich. So Death like. Adopted a famous wizard who's now like. A cook? 

-my biggest area of criticism with this book is I just have zero investment in Mort's obsession with this random princess. Like it's an objectively stupid thing to cause so much trouble over. Doesn't even know her. Maybe that's the point but it's hard with no investment whatsoever in it 

-A PET SWAMP DRAGON??? I UNDERSTAND THAT REFERENCE (read: the only other book I've read in this series) 

-trying to imagine how shooting Mort would even work. 

-it is difficult to convey how clever & funny Death's alternate typeface is when it shows up unexpectedly. Just an oh shit moment every time. 

-'if you win, you will [do this] ' 'and if I lose?' 'You will wish you had won' what a fucking threat lmao 

-update: shooting Mort did not work. 

-i know this book predates "bucket list" as a term but that is nevertheless what Death seems to be doing 

-god I thought the bit was gonna be that Death can't get drunk and then he DOES halfway through the scene. Then manually stops being drunk

-bartender: 'well at least this weird hooded figure seems to be harmless' (it's literally Death)

-no way can Albert be a wizard, he doesn't wear a wizard hat! So true bestie 

-i know Ysabell is probably like The Actual Love Interest but it is a little cute that Mort got so angry at people not using his name but went back to just correcting when Ysabell did it 

-theres a whole shelf! Aw fuck do we have a doctor who situation or some shit 

-no he's just been alive that long ig. Wonder if this character shows up elsewhere 

-Death at a job broker.... 

-Oh my GOD *THAT* was the payoff for the "Mort." bit! A fucking typeface wham line. Jesus christ that's good lmao  

-"Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe" either sounds like a quote from some ancient philosopher or an 80s prog rock album. But nope, Pratchett. 

-ysabell girlboss 

-kinda feel bad for Death finding happiness and the implication being he can't keep it. Unless Mort does actually become Death 

-and there's the idea of becoming real becoming more like death. All in a fictional story of course. 

-ok I am Compelled, finally, by Morts transformation. 

-i do really like how the "Mort." bit has extended throughout the book to convey his character arc and even got integrated into the storytelling in a meta way with the Death typeface. 

-this presents the idea of a human becoming Death as Really Bad because if you apply human morality and emotion to it, Death becomes cruel. Which sounds philosophical as fuck and all, but it brings to mind all the terrible things humans have done when inflicting death on others. It is comforting to think of Death as neutral from the perspective of an uncaring universe-- all things die, no matter what, but likewise, its hard as a human to see Death that way within the context of lives and experiences. 

-but there is some positivity to the overall story so I am interested to see the "good" side if there is one. I'm not sure there is 

-Mort is a blank slate character, i think intentionally so, so that as he develops we see how his mistakes and the worst sides of his personality manifest as he matures and becomes more Real, like Death. The actual Death character isn't cruel but when Mort is given the opportunity he makes selfish decisions (rescuing Keli) and cruel (how he treats Albert in this scene). So then my question is where do his Best traits manifest? Is it impossible for then to, in this context and with this kind of power? 

-man Mort is so mean to Ysabell. 

-the fucking speech check war between the Emperor and Vizier was pretty funny 

-oh hey, The Librarian cameo. And.. Albert called him a monkey. Oh dear. Also isn't Rincewind a protag in another series 

-"THERE'S NO JUSTICE," said Mort. "THERE'S JUST US."  --- Oh my god I fucking called it I CALLED IT I KNEW they were gonna use that line holy shit 

-"You are whatever you think you are" hell yeah 

-at least Ysabell punched Mort in the face. He kind of deserved it 

-shout out to The Librarian killing Albert lmfao 

-the elephant gets drunk and sees pink people 

-i mean good for the elephant going home. Ok king 

-i like the implication that the speed of night is faster than the speed of light 

-oh so we do get to play a game with Death? At the end? 

-"were all lives--from a personal viewpoint-- entirely the same length?" I mean okay damn 

-i like Mort thinking "you'll never beat him... the best we can do is hold him off for a while" about Death, but in the context of like. A duel. 

-i mean YEAH you CAN turn hourglasses over! Obviously! That's how they work! 

-the weight of a pearl, huh 

-I like closing the story with Mort reading his own book and that becoming the last of the narration 

Hmm ok! So I liked it. But have some mixed thoughts. I'll need to gather them together 

First off I loved the writing, Pratchett really was clever and had very unique and humorous ways of saying things. Stuff like "her voice could have kept milk fresh for a month" instead of "her voice was icy". And its not just wordplay but situations themselves. It is difficult to convey just how much clever stuff there is in the book because it would 

overwhelm anything else. I think that this is probably true for most of the Discworld books and is at least in part why they're so beloved. I have a hard time thinking of other writers with quite this knack for clever humor in such a nonstop abundance. There's stuff like this book introducing the detail that every person has a book being written that narrates their life, then closing out the book with Mort reading from his, and then using that as the closing narration. Like that's cool and brilliant. 

I like Morts character arc and how he goes from a blank slate to something more in order to convey how being Death's apprentice changes him. There is also fun worldbuilding and creativity on how Death's actual job works, with the tongue and cheek acknowledgement that even this is a personification and not really real. 

Deaths typeface is used as an honest to God wham line which is probably the only example I've seen of... a font conveying a plot twist. I guess technically this also happens in other Discworld scenes where Death shows up unexpectedly. But in this particular story it's not Death saying it which is why its so shocking. 

My main struggle with Mort is I had a hard time caring about or being invested in the main plot. For example, the inciting incident that kicks off the main plot is Mort making a selfish decision to save the life of a princess who is destined to die, purely because he has a shallow crush on her. I know it's intentional that their relationship doesn't really matter and is just surface level. But theres nothing to make me care about it at all, and when him doing this AND KEEPING IT SECRET FROM DEATH is the main source of narrative tension, it's a problem when I can't find any reason to care about it. 

The plot itself is very... loose I guess. It's a collection of scenes and vignettes a lot of the time that are only tangentially related to the story. Which is fine, but this makes the problem of investment in the story even harder for me. I was suddenly very compelled when Mort started to transform into Death and the personal issues of identity, human behavior, etc that this introduces. It just felt like that's what the story should have been about the whole time. 

Basically what carried me through the book was the clever prose and humorous scenes/situations. Which again, is fine! I definitely enjoyed reading Mort. It just didn't amaze me as a story. 

Probably the funniest thing is you could remove Albert from the story entirely and it wouldn't change anything. Like slightly rework the scene at the University near the end and you're set. It felt like Pratchett realized we needed a villain in the third act and assigned that role to a random side character so Albert was evil, briefly, then not as soon as Death dealt with it. Just felt very oddly paced and structured 

There are loose ends that did not get concluded and I'm not sure if this means they are explored in greater depth later. For example Mort bungles one Death collection and a witch's soul escapes mortality. Another is this persistent idea/theme of what's "real". We explore it a little but never to its conclusion. Mort gets a pearl which is supposedly a piece of reality he created. And there's the idea of one reality happening when it shouldn't and how the universe reacts to it. But it's very mechanical (literally turns into an artifact) and the thematic implications are still up in the air 

Anyway I'm thinking 7/10 cause it was good and a fun read, just didn't floor me

[clarks-letterman]

Wally anon: omggg you keep getting sabotaged 😫

You know he's strong enough with him being the only killer pulling single duty 👀 Yupppp, exactly. 5 I respect more cause it felt like it was trying. to be Scream more than 6 but at the same time it's soooo funny how obsessed with TLJ when it makes the very same mistakes as TFA/JW in terms of ~reboots made years after the fact trying hard. to recapture the OG while not doing enough new by itself~ & that is something 4 directly. commented on before those kinds of movies even existed. 😶 Works for me cause I have suchhh a thing for Quaid, you have no idea. 🥴 Ugh, I know. Her activity literally doesn't make sense without the lesbian aspect, not to mention how. much more significant it would've been to have Tara as Sam's whole ass sister being a lesbian instead of just, once again, making the queer character the comic relief. 💀 Especially. when Sam thinks the last killer is Mindy like avshdd bad writing fr. But it's cause 5/6 reallyyyy do not go crazy fast trying to balance the characters/plot like the others, but particularly 1/2 do. Like nearly everyyyy single character is introduced, 3 people are dead, AND Sidney is attacked before the 40 minute mark in 2 but 5/6 completely draaaag their feet with bringing the ~legacies~ back & because they have such slow first acts, Vince + Dr. Stone have nearly identical quick death scenes trying to remind the audience that, yes characters die in these, but the quickness renders both characters entirely useless. 😕 Yupyupyup, I'm absolutely right there with you. I give it just. an ever so slight pass in H20 since it leans into the sibling dynamic & the ~reaching out for his hand while he's pinned by the ambulance~ (cause we do NOT validate Res's existence ❌️❌️❌️) cause it's a moment that feels extremely emotional to me. But, for the most part, I'm right there with you on keeping the eyes black (cause you know you can't reason with him when he's abusing your hole & breathing heavy & shit) I do recall Ends was going to play off of that theory at some point, but they changed their minds. 🫣 Oh, no, please continue cause Josh Hartnett in those 90s movies was suchhhh a gay awakening for me, haircut be damned.

(Makes a lot of sense cause that was exactly me when Garfield's movies started & I was still making sense of my sexuality) Of course @ not quite having the same degree of attachment. It's all about when things precisely come into our lives in those defining moments. 👍 agdjd you throwing Tobey into the trash (I can't speak much to Insomniac with my limited gaming experience). 😭 Yupyupyup, I feel very similarly on their bodies. Obviously never turning down Tom when he looks like that 🤤 but Andrew probably had the most "accurate" body type for Peter. Oh, share away. Give into your obsession cause it can likely lead to some prime, self-indulgent results. You'd be lucky he has you stuck up there with his ectoplasm or you'd be falling all over yourself from the sheer force of it. 😮‍💨

(yuppp, you get it. It's you that'll barely be able to speak from all of the attention) And Wally in particular will not be denied your 🥛

Yup, exactly. Truly was doing people dirty that whole movie. 😔 Mhmmmm. It's insane they got someone as good as RDJ cause the writing on its own sure wasn't rising to the occasion. I feel the same way @ selfish. Some of my fav fictional characters skew towards the selfish side cause they're so upfront & unapologetic about it, but the flip flop, insecure handling with Tony was just exhausting to watch circle the drain over & over. 🙄 Yuppp @ fumbled. It's honestly shocking how. much I genuinely like CW with the lengths it goes to, but it goes to show how much I'm a slut for Steve even after all this time. 🫡 (ughhhh him in the beard is his hottest look fr & they should've kept it for Endgame 😮‍💨) But, yup, CW it's perfectly fine as a way to introduce Peter, but jesusss in Homecoming & beyond. It gets to the point where it starts feeling infantalizing instead of just. remaining ~a cute fanboy who also fights crime~ because why can't THE Spiderman function without a constant reminder of Tony when Peter was. Spiderman before he even knew him. 🫤 (Oh, that's insane. I know RDJ is/was a big deal atp in the MCU, but if you're trying thatttt hard to force Tony in where he doesn't belong, I think priorities should've been reevaluated) omg, I know. Like, I can respect an age gap to a certain degree (Steve & Peter have wildly more chemistry in their CW interactions than he ever does with Tony afsd), but that's one of those ships that reallyyyy rubs me the wrong way because the aforementioned infantilization. Honestly, real @ Mysterio (cause Gyllenhaal is hot as hellllll 🥴).

Uh oh @ not the best, but thank youuu ♥️ The reveal about ~you know who~ is particularly devastating cause I think she would've genuinely started to move on had that. not happened. 💔 If you can even handle all of it cause some of it might end up all over your face. 🫣

As to be expected @ fluff/angst. Happy to hear it's bringing itself along cause I know you were a little blocked the other day. 👍 But alright alright, lemme see. I think if your instincts are telling to you skew into a weider direction, you should follow that, especially knowing everything we've been discussing. 🫣 But I know praise would be a major. thing here cause the fluff/angst, probably a little of the size stuff/him unable to keep his hands off the reader, & really anything you're feeling strong about. 🤭

Exactly, he’s sooo🤭 doing it all by himself. He’s a single mom working two jobs basically. And yeah, 5 has the benefit of bringing it into a new era, and re-introducing it to people who never saw the original (idk how but i’m sure some people didn’t.) 4 was just so good… it makes me sad it was around the curve before everyone else started their reboots. Yesss Mindy got so betrayed by being the “haha gay funny character” that she was made into. It would’ve been so much better (and an even better callback) to have both of the killers be dating people in the main cast like Stu and Billy were. I mean Sam + Tara are attacked sort of early in 6 (the gas station? scene is pretty early into the movie) but imo it doesn’t feel tense enough… and their way of making ghostface scary is by having him brandish a gun? Uh… okay😭 Way to not stay true to the character using a knife I guess. Yeah I can see the eyes in the mask being crucial to having him convey more emotion, since he’s silent and all and they were going for more of a Scream-like reboot. (so true about being railed by him with the black eye holes. it makes it hotter what can i say… there’s nothing to reason with except that massive dick..) Ends was just… such a let down it’s crazy😪 I didn’t hate it but it’s so slow and not enough Michael. He’s just stuck in the sewer like all movie until the end sksksj (I’ll continue because he’s sooo🤭 I’m so happy he survived but that we never got to see him in the h20 sequel😭)

(Yeah, Andrew’s came out a little too early for me to really understand or remember watching movies.. 2012… I would’ve been 8 or 9? So yeah, a little too young to really resonate with him. But Tom’s Peter a few years later coming out at around the same age as me, then each movie he’s bumped up a year or two so we were kinda twinning for a while lmaooo) Still love Garfield’s the most for being the most accurate Peter, but I know I’d resonate more with Tom’s. Tobey is just so… not it. I’m sorry, but Sam Raimi didn’t do good with the Spiderman movies and most people rank them pretty low on the list now that nostalgia seems to have worn off. There’s no real redeeming factor to them (aside from some slight horror elements in 3 with venom that are pretty good) Insomniacs is sooo good I love him. He’s like a nerdy adult in that game but idc. Let him be childish and a crime-fighting spider at 28 years old sksjsj. Uhhh if I gave into the obsession we’d be here all day… but Tom’s Peter using his suit gadgets on himself and I know he gets treated as the “whore” of the team in fics… they may not be wrong sksj👀 Oh exactly… man he’s sounding really sticky. Are we sure Wally isn’t spider-man too?? Jkjk

Wally wanting to see you become a mess at his work (not from the guy under you) and milk you of all that cum, letting it hit him and your torso and all🫣

Yeah the writers definitely didn’t know what to do with Tony and it showed. Glad he’s finally got an ending and death so that we don’t have to see it again (but then FFH just reminded us of him the whole damn movie.) So true @ the slur for Steve. He may be built the a dorito but i’ll be the seasoning on the chip🫡 Steve’s probably my second favorite character in all of the MCU (men named steve>>>) with the first constantly changing based on where the movies go. But Steve stays in second and i’m just such a slut for him (it’s criminal i’ve only written one fic for him…) i like his endgame look being a combination of the longer hair with a clean shave, it looks nice but the beard was just the extra layer to make it even better. And you’re so right @ infantilizing. It really showed itself in the fandom, too. I don’t mind that Peter’s a fan or excited to join the Avenger’s but you’re so right about him not being able to function once meeting Tony. I think it’s fine-ish in Homecoming (mostly because I like when Peter needs to realize that he can’t just be a fanboy or use his role as Spider-Man for something flashy. It gave me false hope that HC was preparing to send him off on his own, and that Tony’s inclusion was maybe to help sell the movie itself? Like, they didn’t want it to flop, and this is a much better cameo/inclusion than later movies sooo.) But no, we still got childish Peter in IW for most of the movie (the only good scene showing his naive side is the very end when he’s hugging Tony and saying he doesn’t want to go. The only time i’d accept him doing that because i’d be scared too if I watched like several other people vanish and thought it was about to happen to me.) And then Tony is the main plot device in FFH, and his inventions are integral in NWH when Peter creates the “cures.” Yeah I would rather see Steve/Peter because they actually had some respect for each other in CW, more than Tony ever gave him. Spiderio shipper for lifeee🤭 Jake and Tom are such a good pairing and the manipulation works because he’s not painted to be the good guy!! (cough cough Tony cough cough) and they have more chemistry + Peter using Mysterio’s tech to live out wild fantasies then Mysterio making them come true heloooo

Exactly when she got shown the video and they were in it… I was so sad. The whole reveal had me like “go get that payback girl!!” because i knew she had something planned for him. The scene with the daughter is great too, so tense. Aand there’s a lot that hits your face.. not just a few drops🤭

Yesss i think im almost at 6k without smut if i remember correctly… so I just need to write the smut then it’s all set! All of that sounds good, so I’ll see about writing it in a bit and let you know if there are any issues🫡🫡

[unnursvanablog]

The TV shows I have watched in 2023, part 1

and what I thought of them…

Doctor Who, Season 1: I was going to be so diligent about re-watching all 9 and 10 era Doctor Who again for this Doctor Who special that starts in November at the start of the year… and I've only finished the first series… in the six months that have passed. This was a very fun and very nostalgic watch.

The Fabulous: The drama was cute and all that with likeable cast, but nothing that truly hooked me. I found the story and the whole thing to be rather bland or empty with some cute moments here and there.

Alchemy of Souls: These episodes really got me hooked, or so the first 10 episodes did. Then the story started to lose steam, drag a lot, go in circles and all that. The plot just accidentally had way too many elements to juggle but lacked focus.

The Boys: This show will take you on a rollercoaster ride. You never know what's going to happen, which is great in many ways, and the characters are morally gray and twisted and it so tightly plotted. But they often do seem to fall into the trap of being gritty for the sake of shocking the audiance. But there's a certain toxic masculinity and a lot of anger within the narrative, which does bug me as a watcher because there is just so much of it, but I understand that is part of the satire that the story is using to tell the story. There at least is a point to it.

What we Do in the Shadows, s2-4: Easy and fun, comfort watch type of shpw. It's really hard to not like these characters or stop watching it once you have started. I think the characters are so funny, there is a good spark between all of them. They manage to develop the story and the characters with each new series, but still keep the same spirit to the story.

The Makanai – Cooking for the Maiko House: Very cute and super cozy. In retrospect, when I look back on it, maybe it didn't too much behind, but I do remember feeling that these episodes were like a nice cup of tea on a rainy day.

I Will Be Our Bloom: A cute little Japanese drama about a boy band. I could have done without the romance that did nothing for the plot and felt a bit odd. I really feel that it just spoiled the spirit of the story; a cute story about friendship. The story was nice, but a little too simple and not that fresh or new.

Our Blooming Youth: It started so well, in such an interesting way with a good murder mystery, the crown prince's dark past and a more serious tone than I had expected and then it slowly just went the same direction as so many of these dramas do; neither the romance nor the murder mystery/politics were strong enough on it's own when it came to telling their story so both fell a bit flat. It felt too busy and spread to thin at the same time and ended up being somewhat mediocre.

The Law According to Lidia Poët: There was good dynamics amongst all the characters, full of fun mysteries, interesting characters and the story actually manages to deliver everything quite well in a rather short time. Everything very concise and the story seems to know exactly what it wants to tell us. Very well crafter and executed and just stunning to look at.

The Heavenly Idol: This drama was endlessly silly, but so silly that it was so damn enjoyable. It was insanely fun, but also so damn stupid if you delved too much into the story itself. But regardless this was a drama that kept me glued to the screen pretty much the entire time.

Joseon Attorney – A Morality: I could just copy and past what I said about Our Blooming Youth here. It needed to commit a bit more to all the different aspects of the story or pick a focal point and the rest becomes side plots. Those light fluffy historical romance dramas need to find a better balance between the murder mystery, politics and romance in their stories. Make it an epic love story or don't bother at all. That drama just made me want to watch My Country again.

True to Love: a really sweet, traditional rom-com kdrama that still takes quite unconventional paths when it comes to how the romance builds up and such, which I enjoyed. Interesting characters, but didn't leave much of a mark on me.

Queen Charlotte – a Bridgeton story: I wasn't sure about this one at first, but it really ticked most of the boxes I want from a period show like this. Good fun, pretty costumes and likeable characters, but the story also has a pretty good heart, and managed to not be too simple or frivolous without being too heavy.

The Great, s3: The balance of all the different elements to the plot may be a little off, as often happens in the third season of American TV shows, but this is still incredibly funny and entertaining television to watch. But the story goes in more circles now and doesn't seem to be telling the story with the same focus as before.

Tom Jones: Well done costume drama, but the male lead was just too much dumb for me to really like this love story and everything around it.

Tale of the Nine Tailed 1983: Entertaining and that is basically it. A good excuse to watch Kim Bum in suits looking gorgeous while being tortured by the plot. I enjoyed the romance much more than in the previous series, although the rest of story just kind of floated aimlessly along. This drama was written to entertain the viewers first and foremost, not necessarily to make sense or to be really deep.

Black Knight: I kind of stopped paying attention halfway through it. It was just an okay dystopian drama that didn't add anything new to the genre.

Abbott elementary, s2: This is a really cozy, funny and well-made little show that have managed to play really well with the American sit-com format so that they feel both traditional and familiar, with a certain dynamic of characters but still making it feel like there is something fresh and new about them. Such an easy watch and before you know it a whole series has flown by you.

The Bear: A gritty yet rather heartwarming story about co-workers who become a sort of found-family. Interesting and flawed characters, a well-told story about grief, loss and longing and dealing with it all that. I still found it a bit difficult at times to sit through all those arguments that took place in the restaurant but that's just my pet-peeve.

White Lotus, s1-2: Lots of rich, insufferable people in one place and all the drama that builds around it. Despite the fact that most of the characters are in one way or another infuriating that they are really fun to watch, the story works both very human, sarcastic and also like a bit of a soap opera which is incredible fun television. However it tends to feel a bit too repetitive towards the end in my opinion.

[duckprintspress]

Ten Things We Hate About Trad Pub

Often when I say “I’ve started a small press; we publish the works of those who have trouble breaking into traditional publishing!” what people seem to hear is “me and a bunch of sad saps couldn’t sell our books in the Real World so we’ve made our own place with lower standards.” For those with minimal understanding of traditional publishing (trad pub), this reaction is perhaps understandable? But, truly, there are many things to hate about traditional publishing (and, don’t get me wrong - there are things to love about trad pub, too, but that’s not what this list is about) and it’s entirely reasonable for even highly accomplished authors to have no interest in running the gauntlet of genre restrictions, editorial control, hazing, long waits, and more, that make trad pub at best, um, challenging, and at worst, utterly inaccessible to many authors - even excellent ones.

Written in collaboration with @jhoomwrites, with input from @ramblingandpie, here is a list of ten things that we at Duck Prints Press detest about trad pub, why we hate it, and why/how we think things should be different!

(Needless to say, part of why we created Duck Prints Press was to...not do any of these things... so if you’re a writer looking for a publishing home, and you hate these things, too, and want to write with a Press that doesn’t do them...maybe come say hi?)

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1. Work lengths dictated by genre and/or author experience.

Romance novels can’t be longer than 90,000 words or they won’t sell! New authors shouldn’t try to market a novel longer than 100,000 words!

A good story is a good story is a good story. Longer genre works give authors the chance to explore their themes and develop their plots. How often an author has been published shouldn’t put a cap on the length of their work.

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2. Editors assert control of story events...except when they don’t.

If you don’t change this plot point, the book won’t market well. Oh, you’re a ten-time bestseller? Write whatever you want, even if it doesn’t make sense we know people will buy it.

Sometimes, a beta or an editor will point out that an aspect of a story doesn’t work - because it’s nonsensical, illogical, Deus ex Machina, etc. - and in those cases it’s of course reasonable for an editor to say, “This doesn’t work and we recommend changing it, for these reasons…” However, when that list of reasons begins and ends with, “...because it won’t sell…” that’s a problem, especially because this is so often applied as a double standard. We’ve all read bestsellers with major plot issues, but those authors get a “bye” because editors don’t want to exert to heavy a hand and risk a proven seller, but with a new, less experienced, or worse-selling author, the gloves come off (even though evidence suggests time and again that publishers’ ability to predict what will sell well is at best low and at worst nonexistent.)

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3. A billion rejection letters as a required rite of passage (especially when the letters aren't helpful in pinpointing why a work has been rejected or how the author can improve).

Well, my first book was rejected by a hundred Presses before it was accepted! How many rejection letters did you get before you got a bite? What, only one or two? Oh…

How often one succeeds or fails to get published shouldn’t be treated as a form of hazing, and we all know that how often someone gets rejected or accepted has essentially no bearing on how good a writer they are. Plenty of schlock goes out into the world after being accepted on the first or second try...and so does plenty of good stuff! Likewise, plenty of schlock will get rejected 100 times but due to persistence, luck, circumstances, whatever, finally find a home, and plenty of good stuff will also get rejected 100 times before being publishing. Rejections (or lack there of) as a point of pride or as a means of judging others needs to die as a rite of passage among authors.

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4. Query letters, for so many reasons.

Summarize all your hard work in a single page! Tell us who you’re like as an author and what books your story is like, so we can gauge how well it’ll sell based on two sentences about it! Format it exactly the way we say or we won’t even consider you!

For publishers, agents, and editors who have slush piles as tall as Mount Everest...we get it. There has to be a way to differentiate. We don’t blame you. Every creative writing class, NaNoWriMo pep talk, and college lit department combine to send out hundreds of thousands of people who think all they need to do to become the next Ernest Hemingway is string a sentence together. There has to be some way to sort through that pile...but God, can’t there be a better way than query letters? Especially since even with query letters being used it often takes months or years to hear back, and...

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5. "Simultaneous submissions prohibited.”

No, we don’t know when we’ll get to your query, but we’ll throw it out instantly if you have the audacity to shop around while you wait for us.

The combination of “no simultaneous submissions” with the query letter bottleneck makes success slow and arduous. It disadvantages everyone who aims to write full-time but doesn’t have another income source (their own, or a parents’, or a spouse’s, or, or or). The result is that entire classes of people are edged out of publishing solely because the process, especially for writers early in their career, moves so glacially that people have to earn a living while they wait, and it’s so hard to, for example, work two jobs and raise a family and also somehow find the time to write. Especially considering that the standard advice for dealing with “no simultaneous submissions” is “just write something else while you wait!” ...the whole system screams privilege.

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6. Genres are boxes that must be fit into and adhered to.

Your protagonist is 18? Then obviously your book is Young Adult. It doesn’t matter how smutty your book is, erotica books must have sex within the first three chapters, ideally in the first chapter. Sorry, we’re a fantasy publisher, if you have a technological element you don’t belong here…

While some genre boxes have been becoming more like mesh cages of late, with some flow of content allowed in and out, many remain stiff prisons that constrict the kinds of stories people can tell. Even basic cross-genre works often struggle to find a place, and there’s no reason for it beyond “if we can’t pigeon-hole a story, it’s harder to sell.” This edges out many innovative, creative works. It also disadvantages people who aren’t as familiar with genre rules. And don’t get me wrong - this isn’t an argument that, for example, the romance genre would be improved by opening up to stories that don’t have “happily ever afters.” Instead, it’s pointing out - there should also be a home for, say, a space opera with a side romance, an erotica scene, and a happily-for-now ending. Occasionally, works breakthrough, but for the most part stories that don’t conform never see the light of day (or, they do, but only after Point 2 - trad pub editors insist that the elements most “outside” the box be removed or revised).

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7. The lines between romance and erotica are arbitrary, random, and hetero- and cis-normative.

This modern romance novel won’t sell if it doesn’t have an explicit sex scene, but God forbid you call a penis a penis. Oh, no, this is far too explicit, even though the book only has one mlm sex scene, this is erotica.

The difference between “romance” and “erotica” might not matter so much if not for the stigmas attached to erotica and the huge difference in marketability and audience. The difference between “romance” and “erotica” also might not matter so much if not for the fact that, so often, even incredibly raunchy stories that feature cis straight male/cis straight female sex scenes are shelved as romance, but the moment the sex is between people of the same gender, and/or a trans or genderqueer person is involved, and/or the relationship is polyamorous, and/or the characters involved are literally anything other than a cis straight male pleasuring a cis straight female in a “standard” way (cunnilingus welcome, pegging need not apply)...then the story is erotica. Two identical stories will get assigned different genres based on who the people having sex are, and also based on the “skill” of the author to use ludicrous euphemisms (instead of just...calling body parts what they’re called…), and it’s insane. Non-con can be a “romance” novel, even if it’s graphically described. “50 Shades of Gray” can sell millions of copies, even containing BDSM. But the word “vagina” gets used once...bam, erotica. (Seriously, the only standard that should matter is the Envelope Analogy).

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8. Authors are expected to do a lot of their own legwork (eg advertising) but then don't reap the benefits.

Okay, so, you’re going to get an advance of $2,500 on this, your first novel, and a royalty rate of 5% if and only if your advance sells out...so you’d better get out there and market! Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a following? Guess you’re never selling out your advance…

Trad pub can generally be relied on to do some marketing - so this item is perhaps better seen as an indictment of more mid-sized Presses - but, basically, if an author has to do the majority of the work themselves, then why aren’t they getting paid more? What’s the actual benefit to going the large press/trad pub route if it’s not going to get the book into more hands? It’s especially strange that this continues to be a major issue when self-publishing (which also requires doing one’s own marketing) garners 60%+ royalty rates. Yes, the author doesn’t get an advance, and they don’t get the cache of ~well I was published by…~, but considering some Presses require parts of advances to get paid back if the initial run doesn’t sell out, and cache doesn’t put food on the table...pay models have really, really got to change.

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9. Fanfiction writing doesn't count as writing experience

Hey there Basic White Dude, we see you’ve graduated summa cum laude from A Big Fancy Expensive School. Of course we’ll set you up to publish your first novel you haven’t actually quite finished writing yet. Oh, Fanperson, you’ve written 15 novels for your favorite fandom in the last 4 years? Get to the back of the line!

Do I really need to explain this? The only way to get better at writing is to write. Placing fanfiction on official trad pub “do not interact” lists is idiotic, especially considering many of the other items on this list. (They know how to engage readers! They have existing followings! They understand genre and tropes!) Being a fanfiction writer should absolutely be a marketable “I am a writer” skill. Nuff said. (To be clear, I’m not saying publishers should publish fanfiction, I’m saying that being a fanfiction writer is relevant and important experience that should be given weight when considering an author’s qualifications, similar to, say, publishing in a university’s quarterly.)

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10. Tagging conventions (read: lack thereof).

Oh, did I trigger you? Hahahaha. Good luck with that.

We rate movies so that people can avoid content they don’t like. Same with TV shows and video games. Increasingly, those ratings aren’t just “R - adult audiences,” either; they contain information about the nature of the story elements that have led to the rating (“blood and gore,” “alcohol reference,” “cartoon violence,” “drug reference,” “sexual violence,” “use of tobacco,” and many, many more). So why is it that I can read a book and, without warning, be surprised by incest, rape, graphic violence, explicit language, glorification of drug and alcohol use, and so so much more? That it’s left to readers to look up spoilers to ensure that they’re not exposed to content that could be upsetting or inappropriate for their children or, or, or, is insane. So often, too, authors cling to “but we don’t want to give away our story,” as if video game makes and other media makers do want to give away their stories. This shouldn’t be about author egos or ~originality~ (as if that’s even a thing)...it should be about helping readers make informed purchasing decisions. It’s way, way past time that major market books include content warnings.

Thank you for joining us, this has been our extended rant about how frustrated we are with traditional publishing. Helpful? No. Cathartic? Most definitely yes. 🤣

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