#like maybe call it a peer support group or something

[abby420]

it’s honestly pissing me off how much o and otis call themselves (and other people call them) sex therapists in sex education

[coco-loco-nut]

Bookworm

pairing: carlos x reader

summary: Carlos never expected to feel insecure about your book boyfriends, but maybe that’s part of dating an author

masterlist requests open

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It was a common occurrence for fans and media to find you in the corner of the garage with your laptop or a book. It makes for a great reading environment once noise canceling headphones are on. Fans are always eager to see what book you are reading during the weekend, and you talk about it on social media. It was a surprise to most people when you started dating Carlos, most authors don’t date famous athletes. Fate had other plans.

Carlos truly doesn’t mind that you don’t quite care for racing, he’s just happy that you tag along and don’t complain about it. He honestly respects that you have no interest in racing but still show up to support. You are always happy when he does well and empathetic when he doesn’t, but you couldn’t care less about other drivers.

“Baby,” Carlos stands in front of you, trying to get your attention to no avail. He doesn’t mess with your book, simply waiting for you to look up. You notice his shadow, but you have to finish the page to finish the chapter, he can wait a minute.

“Sorry, what’s up?” you slide one side of your headphones off to better hear Carlos.

“I’m going to go to the drivers parade, wanted to check in before I do,” he smiles, leaning down to give you a quick kiss.

“Have fun, and good luck,” your tender smile melts his heart. He can’t wait to surprise you after the race, he’s been researching some of your books and bought a couple for the flight home. Carlos even asked your brother about books you used to love.

“What book is Y/n reading?” Lando asks as Carlos settles beside him. Lando secretly loves your socials, getting to get to know you more. He also thinks it’s funny when you reply to fans who ask about what inspired certain scenes in your books.

“Iron Flame. The next book released few months ago and she finally got around to the first one and this one,” Carlos smiles, he loves his bookworm.

“I’ve heard a lot about that. Has she ever called you Xaden? You and him both have that dark fluffy hair,” Lando asks, pulling out his phone to look up fan art. Charles approaches his teammate, silently joining the conversation.

“No,” Carlos honestly never thought about the male characters in books. He’s heard of people having book boyfriends, but you never brought it up so he brushed it off. Carlos peers over Lando’s shoulder to take a look.

“I see like a semi resemblance. Oh, I remember her reading this one too,” Lando pulls up more pictures of popular book boyfriends. Carlos feels something spark in him, a twinge of jealousy.

“It’s a good thing she reads for the plot then,” Carlos looks away, plastering on a fake smile and a wave for the fans. Lando barely contains his laughter as he shoves his phone back into his pocket.

“The plot? That’s what she said? She enjoys the smut,” Lando shakes his head, waving to a group of fans yelling for him.

“But she doesn’t write that,” you are a young adult fantasy and adventure author, sure there is an element of romance, but that doesn’t mean anything, right?

“So? She’s an adult, she can enjoy it. Don’t you notice when she gets really quiet and nonchalant when reading? Like no reactions or not even a smile?” Charles asks, watching Carlos nod. “That’s a smut scene she is enjoying, do yourself a favor and read it,” Charles suggests.

The color drains from Carlos’ face.

“Logan,” Carlos calls to the unsuspecting American. Logan approaches, unsure why he is needed and a little concerned. “Do you know what your sister is reading?”

“Yeah, some popular book. What about it?”

“It has,” Carlos lowers his voice, glancing around to make sure no one else is listening in, “smut.”

“And?” Logan arches his eyebrow, not seeing the problem with the inclusion of sex in books.

“I don’t know,” Carlos is at a loss for words. What if you like what you read better than him? What if he is suddenly inadequate?

“Look, it’s just a book. She writes romance books and I am ninety percent sure you are what she bases it off of. Especially since every male love interest has your hair,” Logan points out causing Carlos to blush.

“Right, thanks,” Lando snickers at Carlos’ sudden shyness and Logan’s clear discomfort talking about his sister’s relationship.

“I’ll, um, send you a list of books she loved growing up. She left them at home and always talks about rereading them eventually,” Logan exits the conversation. As soon as the parade is over, Carlos orders the books and a new bookshelf for next day delivery so he can surprise you.

Back in the garage, your hair tie has found a home as a bookmark and your computer rests on your lap. Carlos watches you furiously typing away, undoubtedly working on your next hit.

“Are you going to say anything or just stand there watching me like a creep?” you tease, not looking up from your computer.

“I love watching you work. Sometimes you do this cute thing where you bite your lip when working on something really intense, and how you have to hold yourself back from telling me about it because you insist on not sharing until you finish the book. Even when it drives both of us crazy,” Carlos steps closer, wedging himself beside you to get a peak of your book.

“No peeking,” you laugh, throwing a hand out to cover the screen. “I’ll give you a hint,” you smile as Carlos perks up. “It’s a highly requested sequel to a book that was very much inspired by you.”

“Logan was right,” Carlos muses.

“What does my brother have to do with this?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Carlos shrugs, placing a kiss on your head. You are, in fact, a little worried about it.

“That’s not ominous at all,” with a shake of your head you set the computer off to the side and put your full attention onto your boyfriend.

Carlos wraps his arms around you, enjoying the bit of peace before the race. When his fans are confused why you even go to races when you aren’t a fan of the sport, it’s these moments that you answer with. You enjoy your time with Carlos, supporting his passion like he supports yours, and sneaking off to annoy your brother.

“How sweet, it’s time to go, Carlos,” Charles takes a photo of the two of you almost asleep. It had only been two minutes. Carlos sighs, untangling himself from you as he begrudgingly stands up.

“The quicker you drive, the faster you can cuddle again,” you remind him, standing with him. It’s time for a coffee refill anyway and to visit Logan before he heads to his car.

“Or I can DNF early and get my press out of the way,” Carlos’ joke falls flat as you and Charles give him a displeased look.

“Have a good race, I’ll be here waiting for you,” you give Carlos a quick kiss.

“Where’s mine?” Charles jokes.

“Mate, no,” Carlos glares at his teammate.

“Good luck,” you disappear from the garage. Sneaking into Williams, you grab Logan’s gloves and stand inconspicuously on Alex’s side. Despite spending a lot of time in the Ferrari garage now, you make sure that your brother is still supported.

“Y/n!” Logan yells, and you try to stifle your laugh. In that moment, you not notice Logan sneak up on you and then it’s too late. He snatches the gloves back and stares at you.

“What?” you giggle.

“I can’t believe you write books for adults, you are literally a child,” Logan sighs, somehow he is the youngest.

“Shut up,” you stick your tongue out at him. Logan pinches your tongue, unamused at your antics.

“Doesn’t Carlos need you to bother him?” he asks, letting go and crossing his arms.

“No, I just wanted to see my brother, but I know when I’m not wanted,” you pout, pulling the card that always wins.

“Okay, okay. Thank you for seeing me before the race. Yes, I’ll be safe. No, I won’t reconsider my career,” Logan softens. He doesn’t take your presence for granted, it’s nice having family around.

“You’ll do great, maybe you’ll even beat Carlos,” you nudge him, feeling the clock tick down.

“Thanks,” you have half a mind to ask him to elaborate on what Carlos said, but that can wait until after the race.

“Bye, Lo,” you wave goodbye, heading back to your designated spot in the Ferrari garage.

“What are you reading today?” one of the engineers asks. You run a mini library with some of the team, loaning out books for them to read on flights.

“It’s called Onyx Storm, it’s the third book in this series. How are you enjoying the book I gave you?” you ask eagerly in return.

“Haven’t started it yet, picked up one of your books at the airport,” he says, making you feel a little embarrassed.

“Really? Which one,”

“Starlight,” it takes ever ounce of will in you to not die of embarrassment. That is one you wrote at the beginning of your relationship with Carlos, and he was the biggest influence on the book.

“That’s a great choice, I love that one,”

“You love all of your books,”

“That is true, it’s like picking a favorite child,” you chuckle.

“I do have one question about it,”

“It has nothing to do with Carlos and me, the manuscript was mostly finished when we met,” you lie, one that you’ve held to since publication. You wrote the book in a week, the fastest you ever wrote before. The publication turnaround makes the lie believable.

“You get asked that a lot?”

“Yeah, it was the first romance I published after meeting him so it is a natural question,” you shrug it off.

“Well, I really enjoy it. I’ve got to go, but I can’t wait for the book you are working on now,” the engineer gestures to the computer waiting for you. You grab your dedicated pair of headphones so you can listen to the race as you type away.

Carlos is practically bouncing when you return to his apartment after the weekend.

“Is everything okay?” you ask warily. He didn’t win the race so you slightly confused why he is eager to get home. Especially with what Logan told you. You spent the flight thinking of how to confront Carlos about his insecurities and how to help him about it.

He got a friend to set up your new bookcase in your office-slash-reading-room before you returned home. Carlos is really proud of his work.

“Close your eyes,” Carlos instructs as you step inside, carefully setting down your luggage. His hand covers your eyes as the other keeps a gentle-yet-firm grip on your waist to guide you.

“Why am I scared,” your nervous laughs accompanies the shuffles of your feet walking through your home.

“Don’t be, almost there,” a door clicks open and you are led inside. “Surprise,” the warm hand covering your eyes disappears and your eyes open, scanning the room. They immediately land on the bookshelf and you run over to it.

“Oh my god, when did you do this?” you gasp, running your fingers across the spines before you pluck a book from the shelf. You loved these books in elementary and middle school. You role played them during recess before you had any idea what role playing was. It’s honestly a little embarrassing looking back on it.

“Yesterday, Logan told me you loved them growing up,” Carlos smiles warmly as you act like a kid on Christmas.

“He told me you were feeling a little insecure when comparing yourself to the male characters of the books I’ve read,” you broach the subject tentatively, searching his reaction before choosing how to proceed.

“I was, but your brother reminded me that you write me into everything you’ve written since meeting me. I also know that I’m the real thing,” Carlos sounds sure of himself.

“So it’s nothing to do with the books I read having sexual elements to them?” you raise your eyebrow, trying to sus him out.

“Nope,” he pops the p, acting nonchalant.

“Well, in that case I should probably warn you that I had a huge crush on Prince Maxon Schreave and Firestar back in the day, like, a huge crush. You know, I think Maxon was my introduction to writing. My first fanfiction revolved around him,” your voice may have a teasing lilt to it, but you are dead serious.

“Seriously, mi amor? Maybe I should return those then,” the anxious undertones in his voice support your theory as he moves to take the books.

“Touch them and you die,” you threaten and Carlos immediately backs off. “I have you now anyway, you are who I write my fanfiction about now,” you do a complete turnaround, leaving a speechless Carlos alone in the room as you walk into the living room, book in hand.

“Wait!” he chases you, needing to find out what you meant.

“I meant what I publish, obviously,” you tell half of the truth. You will DIE before Carlos finds your burner accounts that are so well hidden it takes three secret email accounts to reach the one you use to login and post.

“Right. Well, maybe I will read one of the books I got you,” Carlos retreats to grab a book before laying beside you on the couch and promptly falling asleep on your lap.

“Goodnight, Carlos. Hello, Maxon.”

[cyberhughes]

— 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ jack hughes

chapter 6: jealousy, jealousy.

last chapter | next chapter

*:･✧* 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: jack hughes x fem!oc

*:･✧* 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: ANGST, swearing, jealousy jack raising his voice at naomi (FUCK YOU JACK!!), drinking to number the pain, jack just being the worlds biggest asshole tbh

𝓐𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮: i’m so sorry for whats about to happen in this chapter lmfao😞 but thank you all sm for the likes and reblogs and overall support!! i love you all sm and it makes me happy to see that you guys are enjoying the series so far🫶🫶

series masterlist + character intros

anxiety bubbled up in naomi’s chest as she stared at herself in the mirror, applying her blush as she got ready for trevor’s party. thoughts of the other night with jack overwhelmed her mind, and while yasmin had told her it seemed fine, that she didn’t wreck anything, naomi had a strong feeling that she had affected hers and jack’s friendship.

she replayed his laughter and shock as she asked him if they could truly be a couple. hell, it wasn’t like the constant flirting was one sided, so why did he react as if it was completely out of the question?

after that night she immediately started to overthink everything, thinking that maybe her and jack’s friendship was too much, and that she was preventing him from finding someone he could really love, without feeling ashamed.

“babe, you okay?” yasmin had already finished getting ready and was sitting on naomi’s bed scrolling through tiktok when she noticed the girl being more silent than usual. naomi looked up at yasmin through her mirror, nodding and immediately smiling, not wanting her friend to be concerned. “yeah, i’m just locking in, my makeup needs to look really good.” yasmin knew better than that though.

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“WHATS UP FUCKERS!” naomi and yasmin and barely stepped through the door before being greeted by an already drunk trevor. “dude, what the fuck are you wearing?” naomi snickered as she eyes trevors choice of clothing, or lack thereof. he was sporting a pair of blue shorts with a rubber duck pattern all over, a cowboy hat, and an upside down pair of sunglasses, no shirt of course.

“my party fit, duh.” he ruffled both of the girls hair and they swatted him away. before they could continue a conversation, he was being called by a group of guys further into the house. “duty calls, drinks are in the kitchen i’ll see you hoes later!” and without any further delay he ran off hollering. “my god he is so cooked.” the two girls giggled before making their way to the kitchen to get a drink.

“hey so did you end up inviting james?” yasmin cocked a brow as she poured a mystery drink from the punch bowl into red solo cups for the two of them. “uh yeah, i told him and he said he might swing by for a bit.” yasmin nodded at naomi’s words before finishing off the drinks and handing one to her. taking a sip, naomi scanned the house, looking for one person in particular. before she could finish looking around her phone dinged from inside her pocket. yasmin peered over her shoulder, letting out a small chuckle as she read the name on naomi’s screen. “speak of the devil.” james had arrived to the house and was waiting outside, nervous about going in by himself. “you go get him, i’ll go find luke or something.” naomi nodded as they split up.

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“looking good james.” naomi approached him on the front yard and he smiled. “hey, sorry i was nervous about going in, i don’t really know anyone.” he blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “you’re good. cole is actually really excited to see you again.” she laughed and led him inside the house.

“oh wow, it’s packed in here.” he stood in shock as he observed the amount of people that filled the house, similar to those parties that would only happen in movies. they weaved their way through the groups of people, trying to find the rest of naomi’s friends. “oh i see them, come on let me reintroduce you to them.” she grabbed his hand and walked towards them.

“JAMES MY GUY!” cole had the widest smile as he stepped towards the boy, going to dap him him. “what’s up cole?” he laughed. “guys this is james, he was at my birthday.” she gestured towards the boy as they all gave their greetings. “this is yasmin, quinn, luke, i think trevor is playing beerpong, and uh…” she trailed off when she noticed that jack wasn’t there. “oh. where’s jack?” she looked towards his brothers. “i think bathroom.” quinn shrugged and luke nodded in agreement. yasmin looked over at the unease on her best friends face and opted to switch the topic. “so! who wants to go watch trevor lose at beer pong?”

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jack was making his way to the backyard after going to the bathroom, some random blonde following right beside him and yapping his ear off. he originally had left to clear his head because his brother’s and trevor had been bugging him about naomi. the conversation mostly consisting of the other guys calling him an idiot while he sulked in embarrassment. he felt really bad about the other night, he hadn’t even reached out to naomi because he was scared he could make things weird.

he had bumped into this girl on the way out of the washroom, muttering a quick apology but she stopped him from walking away, “hey, you’re jack right? I’ve seen you around.” and she’s been following him around since.

he thought his head might explode if he listened to her talk about how she was super into guys that played hockey. he felt relief as he spotted trevor and cole playing beer pong, aching to get away from this girl. “hey listen uh…” he racked his brain trying to remember her name. madison? malorie? fuck if he knew, he just wanted to make an excuse and get out of there.

as he stalled trying to remember her name, his gaze shifted onto naomi who stood beside quinn and…james? she actually invited him? he felt a slight twinge of jealousy as she watched naomi hold onto his bicep to stable herself as she laughed at the game that was going on in front of them.

“uhm, jack what were you saying?” his attention turned back to the blonde beside him. he looked back at naomi and saw that she seemed to be having so much fun with james and so he sighed, facing the blonde again. “do you want to get a drink?” he offered, not sounding very enthusiastic but the blonde ignored his tone, nodding her head. clearly she only wanted one thing from him.

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an hour or two had passed by, and naomi had yet to see jack. she was currently standing in the backyard with james, catching up on a few things and talking about their interests. naomi had learned that her and james actually had quite a lot in common, from the foods they enjoyed to their favourite movies. the conversation had taken a comfortable pause, the two simply just people watching, a habit they also shared. as she analyzed the different groups of people, imagining what their conversations could be about, her eyes fell through the kitchen window and spotted jack…talking to some girl she had never seen before.

her stomach churned, the girl was beautiful. she had her platinum blonde hair curled—not too perfectly, just messy enough. she had the perfect tanned skin and cutest outfit and naomi could feel herself frowning. she watched as jack let the girl caress his arm and whisper something in his ear. a small smirk on his face as he sipped his drink.

she turned her attention back to james, and he was already staring at her. “sorry,” he grinned at being caught admiring her. “you’re just pretty.” she smiled at his compliment, saying a small thank you. “you know, as much as my aunt is a pain, i’m glad she introduced us.” he admitted and naomi nodded in agreement. “yeah, i’m glad too.” was all she said as she noticed how his eye’s flickered to her lips. maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fact that jack was currently in the kitchen being felt up by a random girl, but she found herself leaning in, mirroring james. her eyes fluttered closed as they made contact, his hand reaching up to hold her face. her heart banged in her chest, but it wasn’t beating with any passion. the only thing that crossed her mind as she kissed james was, jack.

she didn’t know when she had fully come to the realization that her feelings for jack had extended deeper than a friendship. sure she’s said some suggestive things but he reciprocated them, always in a joking manner. she didn’t want it to be a joke anymore, she wanted him.

“i’m sorry…” she pulled away and tears welled in her eyes. james eyes widened as he watched her expression turn into one of sadness. “i can’t, i’m sorry.” she took a breath, trying to figure out what to say next, not wanting to hurt james. “jack.” he spoke for her and she bit her lip, nodding. “that’s okay, i kinda had a feeling there was something deeper there.” he watched the tears reach the surface and fall onto her cheeks. “hey, you’re okay come here.” he pulled her in for a hug, smoothing her hair with his hands. her breathing was jagged as she spoke, “i’m sorry, i don’t know why i’m crying. i think i’m just scared.” scared of what exactly? that her feelings were real, meaning she could get her heartbroken? james hushed her, telling her she didn’t need to explain. “it’s okay, don’t cry. you just gotta tell him, i don’t know how he could ever turn you down.” he pulled away, hands on her shoulders as she nodded, gaining her composure. she’d go and tell him, for real this time.

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jack had been entertaining this blonde for the past thirty minutes, surprisingly finding a few of her jokes to be a little funny, but was now starting to get fed up when she got too touchy. he didn’t want her hands on him, he wanted naomi’s.

“okay, fuck sorry but i gotta go.” he didn’t wait for a response before ditching her to go find naomi. he weaved through the groups of people, asking if any of them had seen her. after getting very useless responses, he found cole and trevor and they had told him they saw her in the backyard with james. his stomach churned at the thought of her being with james, and he pushed his way to the backyard.

he scanned the yard, seeing yasmin and his brothers chatting with some people. the backyard was a mess. red solo cups everywhere, chips scattered and people running around like headless chickens laughing at god knows what. his gaze finally fell onto naomi and he felt his breathing stop.

was that really her? he took a small step closer, feeling his heart shatter as her features became clearer. there she was, being kissed by someone that wasn’t him. his friends had been wrong, she really was joking this whole time. she didn’t want him, if she did she wouldn’t have her lips locked on someone else. as his mind raced with thoughts, his sadness turned into anger. he ran his hands through his hair before walking back into the house, shaking his head. how could he be so fucking stupid?

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after her conversation with james, naomi had ran into the house looking for jack. she was going to tell him she was tired of pretending, tired of the jokes, and that she wanted to be with him. she spotted him in the kitchen pouring himself a drink and she sighed with relief, approaching him.

“hey jack!” she jogged up to him and he looked up at her. she flinched when he locked eyes with her, a look in his eyes she had never seen before. cheeks flushed from the alcohol with a look in his eyes that could have been mistaken for hatred. “are you okay?” she paused her initial thought to confess, to question why he had looked like that. “just peachy.” he gave a fake smile and her stomach dropped. “what’s wrong with you?” she asked, voice barely above a whisper. “whats wrong with me? what’s wrong with you?” he let out a dry chuckle and her eyes widened with shock.

quinn, luke and the rest of their friends had been standing not too far away, their attention turning to the kitchen as they heard jack’s question laced with venom.

“don’t look confused naomi. i saw you.” he rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink. she furrowed her brows, racking her brain for what he could have seen her do. then it clicked. he had saw the kiss. panick set in as she stammered trying to explain the situation. “no, it wasn’t-“ before she could even start explaining her cut her off. “wasn’t what? tell me. did you kiss him and then tell him you were joking? did you lie to him? cause you’re pretty fucking good at that, naomi.” tears fell from her eyes, she felt sick. why wouldn’t he let her explain? “why are you being mean?” her lips quivered and he ran a hand through his hair, letting out a laugh. “and i thought you wanted me. that whole thing in the car? i thought you were hinting at something. i guess one guy isn’t enough for you huh?”

“hey what the fuck is your problem?” quinn didn’t let him continue, marching towards his younger brother. luke, trevor, cole and yasmin following right behind

jack didn’t pay any mind, and continued spewing venomous words out of his mouth. “i thought you wanted me but i was wrong, because now that he’s here, you didn’t waste a second before you tried to fuck him—“ he was stopped by quinn grabbing him by the collar of shirt and pushing him against the wall. “don’t.” was all quinn said, the glare in his eyes saying far more than words ever could. jack’s eyes fell back onto naomi. eyes red and a river of tears flowing down her cheeks. then it sank in, what the fuck was he even saying? it felt as if all the poison that made him act the way he did had been drained away from his body after seeing the pain in her eyes. “fuck you, jack.” she spat before running out of the house. oh god, what did he just do?

do you guys hate me or what LMFAOOO

©cyberhughes; do not copy, translate or repost my work without permission.

[teeful-corner]

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ How? .ᐟ. . . (THE FUCK ARE YOU ALIVE!?) Lloyd Garmadon x Reader | Gender Neutral Reader

ੈ˳light Dragons Rising (s1) spoilers, reference to previous seasons; Ghosts of the past come to haunt Lloyd in the future, while somehow also quelling a long-term ache in his heart. ੈ˳tags / warning: implied relationship, death (slightly detailed), dealing of lost and angsty Lloyd, Jay and Cole are still not back :(, not proof read! 4.9k words.

"Hey Lloyd!" Arin called from the library, catching Lloyd's attention sharply as he tried to pass by. The call didn't seem urgent, yet Lloyd wasn't going to do anything of particular urgency either, so he decided to peak inside; he was also wondering why (and how) Arin was in the Library. Not that it had been locked, or anything of the sort, yet because the Library somewhere that Lloyd would have thought Sora would be, not Arin. Hmm, maybe scratch that. Arin would probably be in the Library if it meant he could learn anything about the ninja. Good dedication, he had to admit, albeit it a tad weird. "Yeah Arin?" Lloyd called back when Arin didn't turn his attention over to him, still engrossed in whatever he was looking at. When Lloyd entered the room, walking over to Arin to peer at the book from behind, he would soon notice it was an old photo album. Zane, Pixel, and Nya used to keep it up to date with adventures and general family outings. "Who's that? I don't think I ever remember a ninja wearing purple on your team before." Arin asked, pausing for a minute before he added on quite proudly. "And I know more about you guys than anyone should know!"

The photo that Arin was looking at was a group photo, one in front of the Monastery before one of the countless times it got burnt down. Sometimes Lloyd couldn't help but wonder why they didn't rebuild the Monastery out of something that was inflammable; though he guessed Master Wu always enjoyed coming back to a Monastery that hadn't changed. And Lloyd had to admit, it was also a nice change of pace of the constant changing world outside. It felt like a part of the chaotic world was standing still; even if that feeling was usually a brief one. Yet, in the photo, Arin would point at a Ninja who was piggy-backing off of Lloyd back. Well, maybe not piggy-backing. It was more of, at the time of the photo, they had jumped onto Lloyd's back and he was in the process of falling down. Meanwhile, Kai had burst out laughing and Nya was elbowing him, rather harshly, with a snicker. Though her efforts were rather targeted as seeing the rest of the team was already bursting out in bubbly laughter. Lloyd swore he could hear all their laughter echo in his pointed ears, like the day had just happened. But he knew he was wrong. His eyes became saddened as much as he tried to smile; if not to soothe Arin, then to soothe himself. "Ah, well, that's the Master of Crystals." Lloyd began to explain to Arin, who craned his neck back to look up at Lloyd. "...um, shoot. What can I say about them?" Lloyd tried not to laugh at his own short comings, a habit that he was constantly teased for yet he couldn't help. "The Master of Crystals?" Arin mumbled in echo to Lloyd's statement. His eyes filtered back down to the frozen photo, taking in how blurry everyone looked from moving. He couldn't help but crack a smile. "You two seem close!" "We were!... we really were." Lloyd's voice drew off a bit, his eyes glancing to the side as he still tried to wrack his mind on what to say. He knew if he said too much he would start crying, yet he also knew that Arin would want to know as much as possible. Yet how could he sum up them in words? That task, Lloyd thought, was impossible. "I wish you could have met them," Lloyd would find himself mumbling. "They were amazing, well as great as a person can be." Lloyd started as Arin turned to face him again, photobook still supported in his hands. "They were rather talented, some of their paintings are actually hung around the Monastery - well those that didn't burn in the fires. They were. . . wonderful, incredibly funny at all the wrong times. Fearless, in their own way, and yet reckless at the same time. Master Wu always scolded them for jumping head first into situations instead of using their head. "They were rather passionate as well, yet somehow managed to be a total introvert; they would not speak to the press, nor anyone they were uncomfortable with. Always gave one of the Ninja this stare that screamed 'help me'. Social awkwardness, that's the word for it." Lloyd couldn't help but smile as memories began to surface themselves after being dormant for years. Arin kept his eyes on Lloyd as he spoke, only occasionally glancing down at the picture to look of the Ninja that Lloyd spoke of. Arin couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't heard of them before. "They were also kind... maybe too kind." Lloyd paused in his speech, he had been rambling for a while before his words fell short. So much so Arin had noticed that Kai stopped to listen from the doorway; he seemed curious on the conversation, yet soon realized who Lloyd was talking about and grew the same solemn look. "What happened to them?" Arin was compelled to ask when he noticed all the past-tense that Lloyd was using when describing the Purple Ninja; furthermore the solemn look that the two grew when speaking about them. Yet, Arin wasn't sure if those looks were because the Ninja got lost during the merge. . . or if something before the merge happened.

The silence was more deafening than a rock-n-roll concert. Arin's brain was flooded with reasons for the sudden silence, ranging from the simplest answer (they were lost in the Merge) and the most complex scenario his brain could possibly think of. He would gingerly close the photo album and try and place it back into the shelf, "We don't have to talk about it if you guys don't want to!" He was quick to rush out. He didn't want to cause any sort of discomfort, and the silence suggested he had; that or he had just resurfaced some horrible memories that were being shoved away. Arin didn't hear when Kai had came over to the two, jumping when he felt the sudden warm hand on his shoulder, and gingerly glancing back over to Kai. He seemed in a much better shape about the question than Lloyd was. Arin knew Kai was trying to offer some sort of smile to soften the anxiousness that coursed through Arin - yet his smile wasn't very convincing. "They gave their life to try and protect us, kid." Kai explained, ruffling Arin's hair in another attempt to soften the mood. Yet, somehow Arin felt worse in hearing the news, turning to look over at Lloyd with apologetic eyes. Lloyd wasn't facing them.

Sora was quick to pick up on the more solemn mood that Lloyd seemed to be slumped in, not being as attentive during training or flat out spacing out - which tended to cause multiple accidents. Sora knew she wasn't the only one who caught on either. During her training with Nya, the Water Ninja continued glancing back at Lloyd with frowned eyebrows and eyes swimming in worry. Nevertheless, they both saw how careful Arin was around Lloyd, and Sora half wondered if some sort of stress caused Lloyd to crack and snap; she's heard from a few sources that he could have a temper on him. Yet, Nya pointed out how Kai acted around Lloyd and claimed that something happened that wasn't Lloyd snapping at Arin. Something much bigger. "How can something bigger than Lloyd snapping at Arin make Lloyd so. . ." Sora fished for the right word. Distant didn't feel right. ". . .I don't know! Not-Lloyd and Arin so cautious?" Nya glanced over at Sora, lips pierced in a frown, before her eyes returned over to Lloyd, "I don't know, but something did happen. Not Lloyd snapping happen, yet something. I've only seen Lloyd this despondent since-" And Nya stopped, causing Sora's interest to peak. She waiting for Nya to continue, dutifully noticing the rise of suspicion mixed with realization that swirled in Nya's eyes. When Nya did not continue, though, Sora asked with a cocked eyebrow. "Since some big even that caused Lloyd to lose someone close to him, and he somehow still blames himself over all these years?" It was a rhetorical question, laced with some humorous sarcasm, as Sora went back to her work. She was fixing up her mech, trying to add some enhancements on it so it would run smoother. All the while she was also trying to channel her elemental power without Riyu's help. This allowed Riyu to be able to lay in the sun nearby while intensively watching Sora's work, ready to bounce onto his feet if Sora needed his help. Sora noticed the silence from Nya, yet ignored it at first as she tightened a screw. Yet, after the third, the silence got a tad awkward. Sora glanced back at Nya, who was staring at her with a baffled look; almost as though she had seen a ghost. "What. . .?" Sora glanced behind her, seeing if she had missed something. Yet, she only saw her mech and came to the conclusion that she didn't. "How did you?" Nya's posture straightened as Sora glanced back at her. Now Sora was positively confused, "How did I what?" And Nya would roll her wrists, acting like that had carried the answer to Sora's question. It didn't and Sora was left just puzzled. Yet Nya seemed to get the hint that, maybe, Sora didn't know what she was talking about and happened to just take a rather accurate jab in the dark with her rhetorical question. As for Nya shook her head, clearing the baffled look on her face, before actually waving off Sora's puzzled look this time. "Nothing, nothing. I just thought-" And again, Nya wouldn't finish her sentence as her eyes drifted back to Lloyd. Sora would notice as she rubbed her neck, her eyebrows frowning more so than before, and a frown tugging deeper on her lips.

"I LEFT YOU GUYS ALONE FOR ONLY A SECOND!" Kai's shouting filled the court yard as Sora, Arin, Wyldfyre, and Riyu stood away from the gigantic hole in Monastery wall. Kai had gone inside only a a few minutes before a merge portal had appeared right above the Monetary; which both frightened and confused the four, seeing as Lloyd had used the dragon cores a few weeks ago! "It wasn't us!" Arin started, instantly trusting his hands up in the same way a cop would ask you to. Kai gawked at the four before rushing down the Monastery steps as Zane peaked door behind him, confused. Sora was quick to add to Arin's plea for innocence, yet she was cut off by Wyldfyre. "This was not our faults!" Wyldfyre crossed her arms, "Someone just fell out of the sky, crashed, and broke the wall! It was not me this time." Sora resorted just to agreeing with the two at this point. Kai groaned, and Sora wondered if it was out of laziness (for not wanting to deal with another broken Monastery wall) or out of 'I'm going to be killed for leaving you all alone!'. Either way he rushed past the four and over to the wall, but to Riyu's concerned growls, to check out the damage. He drew his sword just encase. "Fell out of the sky? But Lloyd should have stopped the rifts from reopening." Zane said as he walked over to Arin's left, staring at the rubble with confusion before he began to analyze the rubble as Kai began to carefully climb onto of it. "That's what I thought!" Arin shouted, thrusting his hands out at the crashed wall, "but then someone just- FELL FROM THE SKY!" Sora would add, "While being spit out of a rift. Though it disappeared after they got spat out." "Again, none of this was Wyldfyre's fault." Wyldfyre stated again, nodding in agreement to her own statement as though to add value to it. Nya didn't seem too amused as she rushed out with Lloyd to the hole in the wall and the proclamations of rifts and people falling out of them. Kai swore he was getting a headache from listening to Arin, Sora, and Wyldfyre explaining the situation again; not from their voices, yet from the sheer annoyance that these rifts were causing trouble again. Especially when they had all thought that they were taken care of. And just as he thought life was getting back to normal, or as normal as life after the Merge could get, life slaps him in the face. Again! Thanks life, you're really helpful. Yet Kai's sour thoughts towards life didn't stop him from checking the rubble and coming to a quick stop after he noticed a familiar gi lying on top of the white stone. His body froze at an instant, the grip on the Monetary wall tightened, both out of fear and unknowing how to process who laid in front of him. "Lloyd-" Kai called into the flurry of voices that tried to figure out what had happened. Gaining no response from Lloyd at first, Kai tried calling him again despite not being able to tear his eyes away from the person. Finally, "LLOYD!" "What?!" Lloyd shouted back to Kai, turning to face the Fire Master both confused and more aggressive than he intended. Though his stance quickly softened as he noticed Kai's face: pale white. A beat. Lloyd gingerly, yet with as much confidence as he could muster, walked over to Kai and where he stood on the rubble. As he approached behind him, Lloyd called out again: "Kai?" Yet the only response he gained was a shaking hand that Kai pointed towards the rubble. Concerned, and with adrenaline now rushing through his blood like crazy (the held silence from the others not helping his nerves at all) Lloyd climbed upon the rubble to come face to face with a haunting face. In an instant, it felt like Lloyd's world was turned upside down as his eyes flickered over every detail of the familiar body that was no longer mangled or torn, no longer gruesomely defiled in the most repulsive way.

Lloyd could still remember how their limbs hung on like strings, or were disconnected entirely. How their blood stained the concrete road blacker than it had been, how the rotting smell filled the streets before the war had ended and they were safe to burry their friend. The details rushed back to Lloyd quicker than he wanted; more graphic than Lloyd remembered it being. The shock, horror, terror, slight disgust all made him recoil away from the stones wall; it forced him to completely turn his back and cup his mouth in fear of puking. His eyes were wide, his pupils shrunk as he tried to get those horrible, god awful memories out of his mind. The smell he remembered that coated the streets hit him, causing him to hunch over. He knew this was all in his head, old trauma resurfacing to bite him in the ass for never fully recovering from that scene. He could hear the voices, panicked and just as disturbed (mostly from the original Ninja) when they realized who laid in the rubble. Lloyd distantly felt a hand on his back, but his mind swirled and circled as he felt like his gut had been punched. "What's going on? What's happening?" Arin panic sounded so far to Lloyd, and Arin seemed further when Lloyd turned to look at his student. Arin grew fearful as he saw the detailed horror on Lloyd. Nya was trying to calm the situation. Zane was examining the body, trying to make sense of what was happening. He first ran a diagnostic and the only words Lloyd picked up were "Alive", "Breathing", "Vital". They weren't mangled and torn and tattered, they breathed and were whole and alive. That was a wild concept to Lloyd, caused his knees to buckle. His hand slid down roughly on the Monastery wall as he crashed to his knees. He was trying to keep the tears from spilling over, hiccupping escaping his throat as he choked back sobs. "Can someone explain to use what's going on?!" Sora shouted as Lloyd balled his hand into a fist against the Monastery. Sora sounded distressed, Lloyd couldn't blame her. He couldn't blame any of the new students for how they felt at the moment, after all this was slowly turning into a shitshow of emotions. Lloyd could feel Nya trying to snap him out of his engrossing thoughts yet the felt all consuming; It's like Lloyd felt everything all at once and yet, somehow, nothing at the same time. He blanked out at the explanation the students were given. He blanked out for a while. He wasn't sure when someone had managed to move him, yet he now sat in the living room of the Monastery with his fists clenching at his pants and this sickening feeling still in his stomach. How can you possibly explain that the fact that someone who had died, gave their life, to protect something greater than them (yet somehow also meaningless after they gave their life) to students who hadn't heard of them before? Lloyd moved his hand to cup his mouth, trying to control his breathing as his eyes zooned out on the floor. His knee bounced now without the weight of his arm. He could hear Nya next to him trying to explain the seemingly impossible to the three students: "A long. . . long, time ago, during one of our last fights with Lord Garmadon, after Harumi had resurrected him, we were almost cornered." Nya explained, "Well, we had been running from their joint forces for a while, taking refugee in abandoned building of Ninjago, yet this time we had no were to truly run. I suggested we split up, confuse Lord Garmadon and Harumi and Lloyd said we needed to all stick together." Nya would pause, allowing Lloyd to notice how she had rambled a little and how Kai had to place a hand on her shoulder. There was a silent nod that was shared from Kai to Nya, something to reassure her. Nya took a deep breath before she continued, "To make a long story short, the Ninja you saw crashing through the wall was the Purple Ninja, Master of Crystals. . . (y/n). "They had, despite much protest, said they would ward off Garmadon and give us a chance to escape; promised that they would meet us back at the base-"

"Garmadon tore her to pieces." The growl in Lloyd's voice didn't go unmissed as he interrupted Nya. His hand pulled down from his mouth, pulling at his skin a little before he rubbed his neck. "Left her to die rotting on the street, limbs hanging on by threads. . ." His statement was followed by silence, stunned if not horrified silence. Lloyd didn't look up at the three students, who sat or stood nearby. He couldn't bare to catch their eyes, to catch the horror that their mind was crafting after the vague description that Lloyd left hanging in the air. The silence was thick, thicker than Lloyd would have wished. "But... but they seemed.. fine?" Arin choked out, trying to get some sort of positivity back into the room; or at least to get some people to start looking on the bright side. Despite the gruesome topic. "We don't know how." Nya answered, shaking her head. "The best explanation would be that she was fixed when their soul moved on to the Departed Realm? But we haven't seen much trace of that realm in the merged... nor have we seen many traces of other realms for souls, like the Cursed Realm." "Yes, and it is rather odd that she would appear now." Zane walked into the room, cleaning his hands with a cleaning cloth. Attention snapped to him in a unsettling way (from his standards) yet he guessed it was just worry for the Ninja he had just been taking care of. "Especially after Lloyd stopped the MergeQuake. We can only hope that means that the Realms are settling into their new place, and returning people to where they're meant to be. Yet, that would not explain how (y/n) managed to resurrect." Zane noticed how Lloyd didn't look in his direction when he spoke, yet he couldn't blame Lloyd, not after all they've been through. Not after all he's been through; Especially since he was the closest to (y/n). "Well, the only thing we can do now is just wait for them to wake up, yeah?" Sora pipped up after a moment and she would receive a nod from Zane. She made sure to think on her next words, as well as her tone, before she crossed her arms, "So then let's go do something! I'm sure your friend wouldn't want to wake up after being dead for so long to see you all depressed!" "OH!" Arin pipped up instantly. "I have just the thing!"

The smell of some sort of bread was the first thing that came to mind, the second would be the warmth of a weighted cover that was tossed up to my shoulders, and the third would be the softness of the pillow at my head and the mattress under me. The warm and softness coaxed me back to sleep, yet my mind made it feel as though I had been asleep for decades. Decades. A soft murmur escaped my mouth as I rolled onto my side, my brain slowly registering the sounds that echoed from where I laid. The sound of birds nearby, the clattering of pans, the sound of laughter and chatter and talking; Feet on wood floors and sliding doors. The smell of different ingredients mixing with the smell of baking bread or maybe pie. It was like the sweetest dream. I grabbed at my covers and turned again on the mattress below me. It was so tempting to go back to sleep, to let the soft, warm sounds bring me to a dream where I was with everyone again. That was until I had fully registered what was happening. With a quick motion I shoved the blanket off of me, sitting up, and looking around feverously. I stared at the room in front of me, all too familiar and all too haunting. My hands had a mind of their own at they first touched the sheets under me, then my cheeks and face, and slowly my whole body as I began to register something: I was. . . alive? How was this possible? Hadn't I died, oh I don't remember, a few years ago? This shouldn't be possible, it shouldn't-. Thoughts circled around my mind like a storm that could not be tamed, panicked and frightened, terrified and horrific. I tried to remember what I could not, at the time, and my only last thoughts were those of the moments before I had died. The feeling of my bones, ligaments, tendons, muscles all pulling apart are screams ripped out of my throat in a piercing way that still haunting me. The tears that streamed down my cheeks, the pain; oh the unbearable pain, all suffered to make sure that everyone else could hopefully see another day. So Lloyd could see another day. I raised my hand, feeling my damp cheeks. I didn't even realize I had been crying, and I frowned my eyebrows as I couldn't understand whether it was because the memories or the confusion. And I couldn't help but sit on the bed, my bed, as I reeled in all that was happening. I was alive, I was back. Yet was everyone else here? What had happened after I died? Did the resistance work? Is Ninjago City back to how it had been? Is- The thoughts brought me onto my feet and tugged at my gi, taking in a shaky breath as I felt it. My feet guided themselves, my mind in a foggy trance, to the door and out the room, down the hallway of the Monetary while following the sounds of voices and laughter. I was led to the kitchen, were I would stand at the door and look in at the scene: Lloyd, Nya, Zane, Kai, and four people I didn't know; three kids, one frog guy. They all were making Pies, from what I could tell, and they were laughing and smiling and joking. Kai had flicked flour at Nya, who sneezed and glared playfully at Kai. Zane was putting pies into the stove, helping as the kid with pink hair read a book out loud. Lloyd with a kid in orange stood at a counter nearby, seemingly racing to make the pie that the pink-haired kid was shouting. The frog guy stood nearby. I didn't noticed as tears flowed back down my cheeks as I stared at the scene, my mouth slightly agape. Everything seemed so peaceful, so right. I could only guess Jay was in his room changing because there was a massive pile of flour on the floor and on Kai and Lloyd. Cole probably in the bathroom from having eaten too many of the sweets, with all the empty pie tins that laid on the table. Nya was the first to notice me, she was about to throw water at Kai yet paused as her eyes caught a glimpse of me and looked back. I could see the way her eyes widened, realization and relief and overwhelm wash her. All I could give her in response was a small smile, a weak bit of laughter.

There was a brief moment were we just stared at each other, and the next thing I knew Nya had rushed away from her spot and enveloped me in a hug. And I couldn't help but hug her back, feeling tears form in her eyes as I choked on mine. "Oh fuck-" Kai mumbled, and I could only guess he had realized why Nya had not shot him with water and instead rushed towards the door. The room grew quiet, confused then realized, as attention darted over to Nya and I. Lloyd's eyes. Oh, his eyes. Despite the pain that rang through them, they way they scrunched and drew out lines on his face. Despite the way he could only meet my eyes for a few seconds at a time. Despite the way they reddened, looking like he was about to cry. His eyes were still lovely as ever. I tightened my grip on Nya, "What did I miss?" I mumbled softly to the shocked silence. I let out something akin to a airy-chuckle. "Most recently, the ending of MerqeQuakes which occurred when all the realms were merged together into one big realm; before that,-" Zane began to respond yet he stopped himself. He couldn't help but smile, and I swear he was about to cry (if he could). "Actually, that does not matter. What matters now is that you're back... and awake." Nya slowly let go of me, I could feel as she tried to break from my grip and I slowly loosened her. She was smiling, yet she was crying; choking on her own tears. I couldn't help but give Nya one last reassuring squeeze before I slowly moved around her and towards Lloyd. The silence seemed thicker as I reached Lloyd, his hesitance more noticeable as his brows thickened and frowned. A thin frown spread across my lips, I knew what this was about (that much didn't take me being alive for years to know). "Lloyd I-" My voice felt weak as I started, reaching out to Lloyd with my hand yet stopping. I balled it into a fist, seeing Lloyd turn away from me, and slowly dropped my arm back to my side. What words could you say to someone who you betrayed? Nevertheless someone like Lloyd, who's been through so much and the last thing he wanted (I knew) was to see my body on the concrete floor. Blood staining the road. Limps ripped apart by his father. I knew that so much that my last thoughts had been about Lloyd had how he would react when he saw the scene. My mouth twitched as I stood there, next to Lloyd, in silence as my head fell. Sorry was not good enough, it would never be good enough; no apology would be good enough to start trying to make up for the time I had missed. For lying, as I knew that I wouldn't meet them back up. For everything. For leaving him alone and making him bear the world without me for so many years. For not being there for him for whatever he had to go through while I was gone; it had aged him so, I could see the aged pain in his eyes. It would never feel enough. "I'm-" And yet, somehow Lloyd turned to face me. And somehow, he came to embrace me, hugging me tightly as though he were afraid I would die again. And somehow, he managed to be near me after everything I had done. And somehow, I had a feeling, we would slowly get through this. Slowly, I wrapped Lloyd in a hug and gripped onto his gi, just as tightly. I buried my face into his shoulder as he did the same and we just stood there and hugged tightly. And everything felt right, even if it was for a brief moment. Everything felt like it had and how it should here in the Monastery, with Lloyd: It felt like home.

©this work belongs to teeful-corner.ᐟ please do not plagiarize, copy, or steal this work; like, reblogs, and saves are appreciated :D

[comrade-emma]

In response to some Zionists accusing me of being obsessed with or stalking them, I’ve decided to explain myself a bit here. Maybe I can get a little carried away with obsessing over Zionists and spamming as many comments to trash talk them or leave videos/articles that debunk their lies. But it’s not for my ego, maybe a little, but it’s for Palestinians and marginalized people who these fascists spread lies about. When these people push lies about Gaza gofundmes, “human shields” and attack people who didn’t support Biden/Harris, I don’t care what they think, I’m throwing hands and am not pulling any punches.

The reason I feel very passionate or “obsessive” over these monsters is because I knew Palestinians, many of them were my peers in high school and going to Palestinian Awareness meetings at that school was the first time I started questioning the progressive “landback” Zionist narrative I got when first browsing tumblr. So when these assholes go after Dearborn and Arab communities for not supporting Copmala, I get angry because they are pushing lies and refuse to emphasize with people I knew. I write long and angry responses as well as leave videos/articles in hope that I can expose these people and maybe get some of their followers who have good intentions but are uninformed to realize they’re wrong.

I hate these people because their lies about the election, Hamas, protests and gofundmes harm real people but they don’t care or will go on self righteous rants about charities, “both sides” or use social justice therapy speak to whitewash Zionism. I am not really a popular blog and I can’t really afford to donate to a lot of fundraisers, so I do what I can by telling blue maga idiots and scamjackers to go to hell and leave Gazans alone as well as sending receipts of them to more popular blogs like @tamamita or @stoptheantisemitism so they will get exposed and called out. I don’t go to college or live near any protest groups so I can’t really go to any demonstrations either.

Maybe I can be a bit of an asshole such as when I took potshots at these Zionists’ favorite movies and shows but I’m not really that sorry because of what these people have done. They treat Palestinian and Muslim children as potential terrorists, scammers or unfortunate collateral damage while preaching about “both sides” and making hundreds of posts crying about whatever Israeli was killed. There’s probably hundreds of Palestinian children who never even got to have interests or black and brown kids killed by police that these Biden bootlickers dismiss so they can treat him as a poor old grandpa.

Maybe I do have issues and need to spend some time away from tumblr, but I and many others cannot stand to see Zionists lie, put people at risk and get away with it. White queers seem all too happy to recreate the stochastic terrorism that conservatives like Matt Walsh do to them by taking advantage of people’s ignorance and spreading misinformation about vulnerable minorities. Its not the healthiest approach but I’d rather be an unrepentant asshole who channels that bitch energy into something good than be a smol bean fascist who infantilizes themself and pretends to care about Gazans when needing a way to vote shame people or treat both sides as at fault while always blaming Hamas.

[handmade-witch]

Is It Over Now...? Part 3

Pairing: Toxic!Mattheo x fem!Reader

Hogwarts University!AU

Warnings: cursing, mentions of substance use (alcohol and marijuana), cheating

Part 1 Part 2

[[AN: I deeply apologize for the long wait for part three. To spare you the details... life got really busy. 😬 I'm not sure what the timeline is going to be for part 4 so if you're interested please let me know and I will add ur username to the tag list. As always, thank you for the love and support and feedback is appreciated. 💗💗]]

🎶 You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor 🎶

"That prick!" Ginny growled. She had just woken up and her hair was a tangled mess atop her head.

"I'm so stupid." You mumble again. Your eyes are glossy and unfocused as you stare at the ground in front of you.

"Hey, look at me." Daphne snaps, she places her hands on both your shoulders and forces you to meet her icy gaze.

"You are not stupid. He is the stupid one for not realizing how good he had it. He's going to regret this."

Your eyes water a bit at her words and you blink away tears.

"I could key his car." Ginny offers, a sly smile on her face.

Hermione glares at the redhead, "Ginny, no."

"Oh c'mon Mione." She complains. "Stupid prick deserves even worse." She grumbles, rolling her eyes.

Through your tears you snort softly at your friend's fiery passion.

"I just want to crawl into a hole and die." You muttered. You rested your chin on your knees and hugged your legs tightly. "I can't bear to see his stupid face anytime soon." Involuntary tears resurfaced in the corners of your eyes.

"Well surely you're going to confront him?" Pansy furrows her eye brows at you.

"What part of I don't want to see him wasn't clear?"

"Yeah let's go give him a piece of our mind." Ginny punches her fist into the palm of her hand and her grin is wicked.

Tears quietly slip down your cheeks. "I don't think I can do it." You voice is comes out in an unsteady whisper. "I'm not strong enough."

A soft hand rests on your shoulder and you tilt your head and your teary eyes meet Luna's big blue ones. Her gaze is full of a quiet understanding. "Whatever you choose to do, we will be behind you."

You sniff, the tears flowing more freely now but the corner of your lips tugs into a smile. You nod.

"Even if you don't confront him, I have some choice words for him. Like first of all, how DARE he?" Ginny rants.

This does elicit a soft snort from you. You wipe your tears on your sleeve. "Maybe you're right. That asshole is the stupid one." The icy cold blood running through your veins begins to warm. "I was the PERFECT girlfriend and, what? That still wasn't enough for him? Fuck him." You spat.

"Thatta girl." Pansy gives you a smug look.

You climb to your feet, balling your fists at your side. "When I see him, I.." The warm coals of your angry flame have been coaxed into a fire, now burning bright.

"Maybe you should brush your teeth first?" Hermione offers, gesturing to the fact that you are still in your pajamas.

"Oh, right."

•••

You stalk across the lawn from the girls to the boys dormatories. The common area is mainly empty. Most students were likely sleeping or out getting something to eat. A few small groups of male students sat scattered around conversating. You scan their faces and find that your target is not present, but a familiar face spots your group as they enter.

Draco Malfoy sits in an armchair, peering over the top of a book. He quirks his eyebrow as the murderous parade approaches.

"We are in no mood for your bullshit today Malfoy" Pansy snears, scowling at the boy. He closes his book, placing it down on the table, and holds his hands up defensively. You continue marching forward, barely registering the exchange as your anger is focused on only a single target at the moment. As the group of girls stalks past, Draco quietly slips out of his chair and follows behind. He was never one to miss a dramatic episode unfolding.

You march up to the door, banging your fist against the wood. "Mattheo Riddle you open this door right now." You shout.

Quietly, the other boys peek out of their rooms, seeking the source of the commotion. Mattheo didn't need to guess why you were there. He already knew. And, as much as he wanted to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened, there was no more pretending.

When Mattheo opens the door his looks disheveled. His curly hair is mess and his eyes look sunken and dark.

Your eyes are angry and fiery, and your face is twisted into a scowl. You inhale and Mattheo braces himself for impact.

"What the fuck!? What in the actual fuck?!" You yelled, not caring that you had likely woke the entire boys dormitory.

"[Y/N]..."

"You lying traitor!" You spat, voice filled with poison and rage. Seeing his face made you more furious. "Never do anything to hurt me, huh? That's fucking rich. Fuck you, Mattheo Riddle." Your fists clenched hard at your sides.

"[Y/N] wait..." His voice trembled and you had never seen Mattheo cry, but damn if he didn't look close to tears. "I- I don't know what happened. It's just like I- like I just lose control of myself." He looks at you with sad eyes. You feel your stomach turn sour. "It won't happen again. Please- please, you have to believe me. Never again."

"No, Mattheo, don't you get it? That was your second, and only chance, and you fucked it up. It's over now." As the words left your lips your heart burned, begging you to recant them.

"Just listen to me please." His voice was strained but grew louder as he spoke. "Listen to me, dammit. That's not who I am. You know me, [Y/N]. Blame it on the alcohol, the weed, just please, please. I love you."

Your group of friends stood in the background, quietly watching the train wreck unfolding, unable to avert their gaze from the disaster laid before them.

"It's. Over. Now. Mattheo." You spoke through gritted teeth, and with that you stomped off angrily; hot, wet tears flowing freely down your cheeks.

Without a word, the army of girls that had accompanied you followed behind. The other slytherin boys just stood there, varying degrees of shock and confusion on their faces before they retreated from the scene of the crime, leaving Mattheo all alone in the hallway.

Part 4 is coming... eventually...

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[karniss-bg3]

Hunger

After a long day of travel the exhausted group made camp to rest for the night. After unrolling their sleeping bag Tav decided to converse with their companions, unwinding with those they were growing to trust. Gale dug through their supplies for ingredients, seeming indecisive about what meal they’d have this night. Astarion lounged on a pile of pillows, propped up midway while thumbing through one of the books he pilfered on their journey. Laezel was content to settle on her knees nearby, quiet and uninterested in socializing. Everyone was in their place, all except their newest member. Tav spun in a slow circle to search but he couldn’t find the drider. They noticed Wyll near to the fire warming his hands, approaching him for inquiry.

“Wyll, have you seen Kar’niss? I’m certain he was right behind us,” Tav said.

“No, not since we put down our tents. I did notice he was looking a little gray around the eyes while we traveled today. I assumed he was just tired.”

“Now that you mention it,” Astarion interjected, “he wasn’t nearly as chatty as before. The break from his droning mantra was a welcomed change.”

Tav side-eyed Astarion and shook their head. “I’ll go look for him. He might be injured but didn’t wish to announce it.”

“Or maybe he’s decided to run off to find Majesty himself. He doesn’t strike me as the patient sort,” Shadowheart added.

Gale lifted a finger and waggled it in her direction. “Maybe so, but Tav sees something in him. Like it or not he’s part of our merry band now. Best to exhaust every option before assuming the worst.”

“Thank you Gale,” Tav said. “I won’t be gone long.”

Karlach held up her axe, the flicker of flames lapping at the handle. “If you’re not back in an hour, I’ll come looking, soldier.”

Tav smiled and nodded. “I’ve no doubt about that.”

Once the groups fears had been assuaged Tav wandered toward the direction Wyll pointed them to. This led away from camp and into a wooded area. They noticed broken twigs and bushes displaced likely due to a large creature moving through them. They ventured forth, the thick underbrush tugging at their clothing, strong scents of pine and moss tickling at their nostrils. It was dark, much of the moonlight obscured by the thick canopy above but Tav pressed on, lighting a torch to help cut through the pitch.

“Kar’niss?” They called, their voice echoing in the immediate area.

Several steps in they heard a distinct rustling above them, a few rogue leaves floating down from the trees branches around them. They tried to see what caused the disturbance, the wind or something more? In doing so they didn’t see the sticky trap they were backing into, their body hitting a wall of web that stretched between two thick tree trunks. This startled them, spinning around to struggle against the adhesive silk which snagged onto their clothes and hair with a vice grip.

“Hnn!”

Tav dropped their torch, the flame extinguishing once it touched the wet mud beneath their feet. They pushed and pulled but just as they yanked one arm free the other seemed to become more entangled as a result. Panic start to set in, Tav finding themselves close to calling out for those back at camp. Their cries were stifled by movement above them, darting their eyes to search for the source. From above, nine reflective spheres peered back at them, glowing in the dim moonlight that managed to filter through the branches. Tav stopped fighting with the webbing, their expression twisting into a confused scowl.

“Kar’niss?”

An annoyed hiss sounded off above them. “True Soul has ruined our trap.”

Tav breathed a sigh of relief. “Gods, that scared the shit out of me.” They frowned and looked at their arms, tacky and thoroughly wrapped in web. “How...how do I get out of this?”

Kar’niss carefully balanced over the branch which barely supported his weight. “They must stop struggling. The more they do the tighter the bondage. Back away, slowly, until the web becomes taut and snaps under pressure.” He’d instruct, his voice relaying the irritation at losing all of that hard work.

Tav did as told, walking backwards and dragging the thick strands with them. They pulled until the web couldn’t sustain itself, the beautiful entanglement ripped down the middle and freed it’s hostage. They exhaled, their heart beating so hard they could hear it in their ears. They’d start the process of peeling excess from their arms and clothing, admiring the leftovers as best as they could in the limited light.

“I’m sorry, Kar’niss. I didn’t mean to ruin anything. We didn’t know where you went so I left to search. I...was worried.”

The statement made Kar’niss shuffle in place, his head cocked to the side, perplexed. “Worried? We are not weak, we can handle ourselves.”

Tav winced. “Yes of course.” Once they cleaned themselves off they glanced up at him. “What are you doing out here, anyway? Wyll said you looked gray around the eyes. Are you ill?”

“Tch, no. I am hungry. I have not eaten in days, can’t wait any longer. We smelled wild game, one will wander into my web...once I rebuild it,” he grumbled.

Tav bit their lower lip. “We...have food in the camp. You’re welcome to share it with us, we don’t mind.”

“What food you have available we cannot eat. Unless you wish to offer the cleric, the fighter or the warlock for us to feast on. They are the only three that do not smell of foul blood.”

They furrowed their brows. “Blood…?” A pause. “Oh, OH! You can only consume blood?”

Kar’niss snorted and backed up against the bulk of the tree. “It is the only thing that sustains us. We prefer it fresh. If that is all, you may go. You’re scaring off the game.”

Tav frowned and nodded. “Alright. Once again, I’m sorry.”

They leaned down and palmed over the ground until they found their torch. Tav began to turn to depart, able to hear Kar’niss shuffling above to start the process of fixing the mess. They stopped mid-step, a thought dawning on them. They whirled back around and fixed their eyes on the drider’s silhouette above them.

“I have a question,” Tav said.

Kar’niss scoffed. “What is it now?”

They took a step closer. “You mentioned feeding on others at camp. What about...me?”

The question nearly caused him to lose his footing, his reflective gaze darting to Tav in surprise. “What?”

“Well, I ruined your trap and I feel awful about it. I’m sure it’ll take you a while to fix it, even longer to get a catch. So long as you promise not to drain me dry, that I’ll walk away from this, I don’t see why I can’t give you something.”

Kar’niss�� legs clicked against the surface of the branch, shifting his large body to get a better angle to look at Tav. A silence fell over the area only broken by the mild rustling of foliage from a gentle rolling breeze. He was thinking it over which was a good sign to Tav at least.

“We can...do this. Take only what we need to hold us over for something more...filling.”

Tav swallowed thickly, starting to second guess their offer. They had never been a meal for a drider before and didn’t know what to expect. At the same time they didn’t want him to starve. It was only a temporary arrangement, right?

“Will it hurt?”

“A little but it will pass quickly,” Kar’niss said.

Tav inhaled a deep lungful of air, mustering up the courage to give the order. Kar’niss was intimidating on his own but more so partially concealed by the shadows as he was.

“Alright, do it.”

Kar’niss didn’t need further convincing. His hind legs lifted to stimulate the spinnerets in the barb of his backside, producing a thick line of silk which he secured to the branch he perched upon. Attached to the line of web he began to descend from the tree toward his chosen snack standing below. Tav watched his approach, more of his features becoming defined the closer he came. Soon he hovered mere inches above the nervous individual, making intense eye contact with one another. Tav struggled to control their breathing, their heart racing with such fervor they feared it might burst like a bubble. Kar’niss reached out and hooked their arms under Tav’s armpits, winding them around their upper back. His pedipalps snapped around their waist and curled against their buttocks, enveloping Tav’s torso with the differing pair of limbs.

Tav suddenly felt the earth removed from their feet, Kar’niss’ hind legs pulling at the rope of silk, rising back into the safety of the canopy. Tav gasped from the sudden change in altitude, their arms wrapping around his neck out of instinct. This pressed their bodies together intimately so, Tav rarely allowed to be this close to the drider and finding they didn’t mind it. Once they reached a height that was acceptable to him he settled four of his legs against the side of the tree for stability, remaining suspended from the silken lifeline still attached to his spinnerets. This left Tav’s legs to dangle freely toward the ground below, a strange sensation but with the way Kar’niss held them they felt very secure. Almost too secure. Kar’niss had a grip on Tav and didn’t appear inclined to give it up. If they had reservations it may have been too late to voice them.

Kar’niss tugged Tav closer and craned his head to get a better angle on their neck, his prize. Tav’s lips trembled as his mouth inched closer, able to feel the caress of his warm breath cascading over the surface. Goosebumps spread the length of their arms, a gentle tremor creeping down their spine while the anticipation rose.

“Hold still,” Kar’niss whispered.

Before Tav could reply they felt his lips seal around the thickest portion of their neck. Razor sharp fangs sank into the tender flesh creating two smooth puncture wounds. The burning sting surged throughout their throat causing their eyes to water in response. A choked gurgle bubbled in their esophagus silenced only when they swallowed. Just as Kar’niss promised the throbbing ache of his intrusion began to wane, fading into a dull prickling sensation around the affected area. Tav curled their fingers into the meat of his lower shoulders to hang on for dear life, putting their trust into him keeping his word.

Kar’niss withdrew his fangs but kept his lips sealed around the area forming a vacuum, his nostrils flaring the moment Tav’s sanguine essence coated his greedy tongue. Vampire bites were hungered and frantic, seeking to drain their hosts as quickly as their heartbeat would allow. This was different, very much so. Kar’niss didn’t seem to be in a hurry, allowing the blood to flow naturally rather than sucking the area with any urgency. It took Tav a moment to realize, Kar’niss was savoring them.

His arms tightened around his ‘prey’, pointed digits mingling with the fabric of their clothes to get a better grip. He nursed at the open wound, his tongue occasionally darting out to lap over the surface for a stronger taste. Such a sensation made a blush blossom on Tav’s face, their breath hitched. They weren’t sure if it was from the blood loss or a new found curiosity, but they did experience the faintest tingle of arousal collecting around their groin. The softest sigh of pleasure escaped their mouth, a warmth rising on their skin that spread throughout their entire body.

After several moments passed Tav began to feel a tinge of dizziness creep into their head, the grip around his neck growing lax once weakness kicked in. Kar’niss sensed their exhaustion which prompted him to slide his lips free. He’d lick over the puncture marks to encourage their closure, sparing Tav from further loss.

“That is enough,” Kar’niss murmured.

Tav was dazed and a bit sore. Despite the blood drain they still had control of most of their faculties. They didn’t know how much time had passed but they could at least conclude it was no more than an hour. Otherwise they’d have a flaming tiefling bursting through the brush to make one hell of a scene. Tav panted quietly, reaching to feel over the area of their neck that had been willfully assaulted. They could feel the fang marks in the skin which were steadily healing over.

“Mmmf...do you f-feel better, Kar’niss?” Tav asked, their tone weary.

“Yes. This will sustain us for the moment. I can put you down now.”

“N-No. I want to stay with you, just a little while longer,” Tav said.

Kar’niss lofted a single brow, his eyelids falling half mast as if to mull it over. Tav did just put their trust into him for a risky endeavor, who was he to argue? “Very well.”

He inched his way up into the tree with Tav in tow, his legs hooking onto a thick branch to hoist the pair up. He lowered himself down into a seated position, his belly flush with the wood below. He adjusted Tav to cradle them, one arm under their knees and the other supporting their back. Tav felt the weight of exhaustion hanging heavy, their body curled into Kar’niss’ chest with rest in mind. The drider glanced down at his unexpected companion, his tongue tip grazing over the front of his teeth, collecting Tav’s taste still fresh upon them. He’d look at the half full moon partially exposed through the canopy.

“Thank you,” he said in a pensive tone.

Tav’s lips twitched into a worn but pleased smile, allowing their gaze to join Kar’niss in admiring the moonlight. There they remained in blissful silence, reflecting upon the moment shared between them.

[kallie-den]

The Subordinate Ch. 2

Olive tries to reassert professional boundaries with her new hire, only to find them utterly collapsing in the face of her new, fetish-oriented sexuality

An ongoing commission I've been working on! Fair warning, this is going to be a mean one. Expect NTR, findom, and degradation of all kinks. My thanks to Brendon for commissioning the story

If you like my writing, please consider supporting me on Patreon!  For less than the price of a cup of coffee each month, you can get immediate, early access to everything I write - 4 pieces of hypno-smut a  month, including the latest chapters of all the multi-chapter stories I write. Your support helps me keep writing and is greatly appreciated <3

---

All I need to do is reestablish professional boundaries.

When I put it like that, it sounds simple. Clinical. Routine. That’s good. I can do simple, and clinical, and routine. That’s exactly what I need after yesterday.

After yesterday…

I don’t remember what happened. Not exactly. I remember Ivy bringing me my morning coffee, and then it’s just a blur. When I peer into my memories, it’s indistinct. Like paint going down the drain. But I remember Ivy said some things, and I remember I did some things. Humiliating things.

I’m glad to be riding the elevator up to the office alone. There’s nobody here to see me blush.

As far as I can tell, I spent the rest of the day in a haze. It was like I was out of myself, out of my own body, watching from the other side of a screen. Unable to take control. Unable to do anything at all to keep myself from working far, far too late. Eventually—maybe just out of habit—I left the office and headed home, zombie-like. Luna, my girlfriend, hadn’t been pleased. We talked, but not really. She did all the talking.

For the entire day, I was just a spectator. For some reason, that specific word sends a throbbing shiver down my spine.

Waking up clear-headed this morning had brought back all the shame, clear and sharp like ice, even as the memories stole away. I considered calling in sick, but that would have felt too much like running away. I can’t do that.

This is my life. Mine. Ivy might have controlled me once, years ago, but I won’t let it happen again. Not again. Not again.

That’s the other half of my refrain, as the elevator door opens and I step out into the office. Not again. All I need to do is reestablish professional boundaries.

Then I see her. I freeze.

More than ever, Ivy is a queen holding court. As usual, there’s a gaggle of women standing around one of the desks, chatting, catching up, as they wait for the workday to kick into motion. This time, it’s Ivy’s desk. She’s at the heart of it, and I recognize all too well the fawning, sycophantic looks on their faces as they bend at her, and coo, and giggle.

It’s just like college.

That singular thought churns my stomach. I just stand there, stupidly, watching. The coward part of me starts suggesting: why not do it later? I could call her into my office. That would be easier—except it wouldn’t, not at all. As much as I don’t like crowds, I do need witnesses. Just in case Ivy does… something.

Then, after a moment, it strikes. It isn’t just like college. It’s like high school too. I’m on the outside looking in. Watching forlornly as another group of girls chats.

“Hello, Olive,” Ivy says, looking up. She’s neither surprised nor concerned to see me. I don’t panic the way I feared. I just feel myself growing smaller as I slip under her gaze. “Good morning.”

“Ivy.” My voice is shaky. It’s hard to talk while some of the other office girls are giggling at Ivy’s informality with me. To them, it’s daring—but innocent. To me, it’s anything but. “I… um… there’s something-“

“Oh, hey, chief,” says one of the other girls. Amanda. She doesn’t mean to interrupt. She probably didn’t notice I was talking. “We were just checking out Ivy’s new watch! Ivy, show her.”

With a wordless smile, Ivy lifts her hand and lets me see what’s on her wrist.

It’s fancy. Luxury, I presume, although I don’t know watches. The brand—Cartier—means nothing to me. It’s nice, anyone could see that. But that’s not what gets me. What gets me is that it’s new, and that, with all that gold, it’s plainly very, very expensive.

Beads of incriminating sweat form on my forehead.

“Isn’t it lovely?” Amanda prompts.

“Y-y-yes, lovely,” I stammer.

“I can’t believe you could afford something like this,” another girl admired. “Was it a gift?”

Ivy is turning her hand this way and that, letting me admire the watch from all angles. I’m all but hypnotized by it.

“Something like that,” Ivy remarks. That all but confirms my suspicions.

I paid for this watch. Last night, with the money I sent to her. Until this moment, I hadn’t been sure it had really happened.

While I’m stewing in unfathomable emotion, the girls gathering around Ivy are just making adoring little noises. “Lucky!” one of them says. “From family?”

“Nope,” Ivy replies. She just keeps looking straight at me. It’s unmaking me. Why are my cheeks so hot?

“A lover?” another guesses.

The mirth in Ivy’s voice is merciless. “Absolutely not.”

I’m lucky that all my coworkers are too busy fawning over Ivy and her watch to register the utterly stupid, stunned, humiliated look on my face. I’m offended, of course. Ivy is shamelessly flaunting the money she… stole? Took. Took from me. The sheer audacity is staggering. I’m forced to quietly pray and plead that Ivy doesn’t tell all the other girls just where that money came from. I would never live down the reputation it would give me.

I hate it. I should hate it. And yet.

Why am I so wet I can already feel the dark stain forming on my panties?

The sense of violation is transmuted in my stomach, becoming a nauseous, queasy thrill that sets me hopelessly off-balance. It’s like I’m falling, and falling, and falling, and I can’t stop. Maybe I don’t want to stop. Sometimes, when you’re standing on a balcony or at the edge of a tall rooftop, you feel this paradoxical urge to throw yourself into the open air and let gravity take you. This is just the same. One of the reasons I can’t speak is that I have to bite down on my tongue, or else I might find myself offering Ivy even more.

Why? Why would I do that? Why would I want that?

Because Ivy deserves it.

I can’t explain the answer. But it is the answer. She deserves it. And I don’t.

The whimper that escapes my throat can’t be heard over the ambient conversation going on in the office.

“Something wrong, Olive?” Ivy asks. She knows. “You look a little peaky.”

“I’m f-f-fine.” I don’t sound it. I have to remind myself. Not again. “Ivy, I… I need to speak with you.”

“Of course,” Ivy replies, unperturbed. “In your office?”

“No!” I blurt out. I need the safety of the crowd. “Here is fine. I, um…”

I pause. Where to begin? I rehearsed what I was going to say a dozen times in the mirror, but not the start. Why didn’t I practice the start?

“Perhaps you wanted to follow up on the conversation we had yesterday?” Ivy suggests sweetly.

“N-no.” I pale. “No, that’s, um…”

Everyone is looking at me. Why does everyone have to look at me? It’s not fair. I can’t take it. I try to look down, but Ivy’s watch catches my eye instead. It’s so bright. All that gold. Gold has never really suited me—but it certainly suits her, with her height, and her immaculate makeup, and her rich, dark skin. She’s so glamorous. So graceful. I could never be those things.

She’s so much better than me. That’s why I pay for her to be glamorous instead.

Pleasure throbs from between my legs. I almost moan.

“I-I-In my office!” I cave. “Yes. Yes, that’s… fine. Um.”

I need it, it turns out. The safety and privacy of that familiar space.

Waving a quick goodbye to the other girls, Ivy follows me inside. I shut the door. In my office I do, indeed, feel safer. Stronger. Even if being in such close quarters with Ivy is almost painfully distracting. I draw a deep breath.

“Yesterday,” I begin, launching into my spiel without prelude. “What happened between us was entirely u-untoward. I won’t… um… that is, ideally, there’s no need for us to involve anyone else, but I think it’s important that we put an end to… to whatever that was. For the sake of p-professional boundaries.”

I sound just like a kid on the first day of school. It’s pathetic, and Ivy knows it. Her amusement and disapproval are like hot smoke on my skin, itching at me. She lets me stew in it for a beat.

“Or what?” she says eventually.

I clench my eyes shut for a moment. I was hoping she’d simply agree, but I’d prepared for this.

“Or,” I recite calmly, “I’m prepared to raise this matter with HR.”

It’s my killer threat. And after a moment, Ivy just laughs in my face.

“You’ll go to HR?” she mocks. “Olive, Olive, Olive. You really didn’t think that one through, did you?”

Suddenly I feel so small. How can she do that to me? I’m not small. I’m not inferior. I’m not.

“W-what are you talking about?” I demand.

“You’ll go to HR and tell them… what, exactly?” Ivy asks.

Already, I’m deflating. “I’ll tell them exactly what happened,” I bluster. “That you… that you coerced me into t-that transfer. The watch! It’s evidence, even. I-“

“Is that right?” Ivy interrupts. “You’ll tell them that I, your employee and new hire, was bringing you coffee in the morning, and then you started touching yourself in front of me. You’ll tell them that?”

My cheeks turn the deepest red. It wasn’t like that! Was it? I don’t remember. The coffee. Wasn’t there something about the coffee?

“B-but the watch,” I protest. “It-“

“And tried to bribe me into silence, too,” Ivy laughs. “Wonderful story, Olive. Shall we go right now?”

It’s at that moment that I realize just how deeply, awfully powerless I am.

“No.” I slump. It feels almost natural, in front of her.

“Good,” Ivy purrs. “I’m glad we’ve put an end to that stupidity.”

My cheeks burn. Stupidity. Yes. How didn’t I see it? I feel like a child again, trying to stand up for myself. Failing.

Ivy knows best.

It’s only natural. I’m inferior.

“And when I was being so nice to you!” Ivy adds, before I can interrogate where that particular thought stems from. “Look. I even brought you coffee again.”

She gestures, and I turn to my desk. Sure enough, right there, in front of my computer, there’s a cup of coffee. It’s just the same as it was yesterday. That, more than anything, activates my fight-or-flight urge.

Ivy’s lips are thin, as she smiles. “Drink up,” she instructs.

I tremble. I shouldn’t. I know that much, even if the reason eludes me. “Maybe later,” I say feebly.

“Now.”

Being chastened like that makes me shiver. Again, it’s that child-feeling. The scorn in Ivy’s voice hits me the same way the watch on her wrist does. It feels bad, but my body yields to it willingly. Eagerly.

I could try to disobey, but what would be the point? Ivy’s already taught me how that goes.

As calmly as I can manage, I sit down at my desk and take a sip of the coffee. It tastes off, in an eerily familiar way.

“More than that.” I can tell Ivy is growing tired of my petty little rebellions. I should have known better than to think she’d be satisfied so easily. “Drink up properly, Olive.”

She sounds like a school teacher. I take a big mouthful of the coffee and drink it down with a gulp.

Just a few moments later, the world around me slows to a crawl.

The sensation is familiar, this time, and that déjà vu brings back with it the dawning horror of everything that happened before. I remember it now, in detail. Once it’s too late.

The drug.

Already, I’m too skullfucked to even articulate my dread. I just look at Ivy, stunned, opening and closing my mouth like a fish. My double-vision splits her lopsided, smirking grin into two shapes, linking at the end, an impossibly wide crescent moon of cruelty.

“That’s better,” Ivy simpers. “Isn’t that better, Olive?”

It’s better.

I’m nodding before even one of my slow, small thoughts has crawled across my mind.

It’s better. It must be.

Ivy says so. Reassured by that, I sit back. I smile. It’s easy to smile. This is better.

Then, after a few long moments, I remember that there was a question.

“Y-yeah,” I sigh dreamily.

“Of course it is,” Ivy laughs. “You’re certainly much better this way. Much more manageable. It’s the way you belong, Olive.”

It’s the way I belong.

That’s good. That’s nice.

It’s… what?

Drugged?

Yeah. Yes. There was a drug. I remember now.

I’m supposed to fight it. At least, I think so. I remember impressing something like that on myself. But it sounds so futile. My physiology is succumbing even quicker than before.

Oh well. It’s the way I belong.

“But I think we have a problem, Olive,” Ivy says lazily. “You still don’t seem to understand your place.”

My… place?

It’s right here, isn’t it?

This is my office. My desk. So this is my place.

I don’t… understand?

What don’t I understand?

In my ignorance, I feel small and weak. Ivy is anything but.

“What…” I slur. “What’s… my place?”

Ivy smiles. She’s pleased I need to ask her. “Look at this.”

She raises her hand, presenting her new watch for me to see. In truth, she didn’t need to tell me to look. The way the light glints off the gold catches my eyes instantly. It’s almost childish, really. I can’t seem to look away from something so shiny.

But of course, that’s not the only reason I’m instantly fascinated.

“You paid for this,” Ivy tells me simply.

The confirmation almost brings me to moaning. Hearing it like that, from Ivy’s lips, makes it more real than real.

I paid for this.

Fuck. That’s so hot. Fuck.

I can’t process why. Between the drug and the need, I’m overwhelmed. I just know nothing has ever been so potent.

I paid for this. For her.

“You know what’s funny?” Ivy asks as she turns her hand over. “Let me ask you something: why haven’t you ever bought a watch like this?”

Why… haven’t I?

A watch. Yes. A watch like… what?

I don’t know anything about watches.

Maybe that’s the reason. Is that the reason?

I don’t know. I just know it never occurred to me.

“You could have,” Ivy reminds me. “You have the money.”

I don’t bother trying to think. It’s easier not to. I know Ivy will serve up the truth for me on a silver platter.

“You didn’t,” Ivy says, “because you don’t deserve things like this.”

I don’t?

I don’t. That settles on me, and it settles heavy.

I don’t deserve things like Ivy’s watch.

But she does. Even I can make that connection.

“You don’t deserve nice things,” Ivy whispers. Pouring more poison in my ear. I know it for what it is. I just can’t fight it.

It feels right.

Yes. That’s right. I don’t deserve nice things.

A little voice in me wants to argue. It wants to tell me I do. Isn’t this what I work so hard for? To afford things? To buy the kind of life I want?

Another voice rises, and says the opposite. I work so hard because that’s what I deserve. Not the nice things. The work. And Ivy’s just the opposite.

“But,” Ivy confirms, just as I’m reaching the thought. “I do.”

I nod, as her words become part of me.

“I deserve them,” Ivy continues. “Because I’m better than you.”

I nod faster. I’m greedy for it. Her truth.

“Because I’m superior.”

And because I’m inferior.

She’s a player. She gets to play life. To enjoy it. I’m a spectator. I work. I watch. That’s all.

A big, dumb grin comes to my face as I figure it out. As all the different things Ivy has put in my head start to join up, forming a unified, twisted ideology. I’m like a little girl, pleased as punch because I finally figured out the dumb little puzzle the teacher gave me to solve.

“You…" I say—slowly, but I’m pushing myself. I want to show Ivy I figured it out first. I want her approval, even now. I guess I always have. “You deserve my… my nice things.”

Ivy throws back her head and cackles. There’s nothing but cruelty in her laughter, but all the same, it’s warm as it washes over me.

I made her smile.

“That’s right. Aren’t you clever, little Olive?” she coos.

Aren’t I clever?

Aren’t I?

Am I?

I don’t know. I don’t feel clever.

Ivy feels clever.

“I deserve your nice things,” Ivy repeats, rich with glee. “Which is why I’m going to make you send me more money. Lots more.”

More. More. Yes.

It makes sense to me, of course. I’m inferior. I’m a spectator. And Ivy deserves things.

But it does more than just make sense.

It turns me on like nothing else ever has.

As I sway and pant, my vision starts clouding over into pink fog. I slump over, drawing closer to the watch as I do, and my hands start straying between my thighs, drawn there by the fervent need that burns within me.

I hope Ivy makes me send to her. I hope she does it right now. I need it.

Ivy sees it at once. “God, you’re easy,” she sneers. “You get off on it. Being exploited.”

I nod again, eyes still fixed on the watch. I’m all but drooling on it.

Being exploited. Being used.

I get off on it.

Whatever part of me might want to rebel against that suggestion is smothered by how overwhelmingly obvious it is. Just look at me. Anyone would think so.

“You get off on sending me money,” Ivy repeats, hammering the message still deeper.

I nod. She’s right. She’s so right.

I’m not sure I’ve ever had a kink before. But I do now.

A fetish.

It strikes me that Ivy knew even before I did. She always knew.

She knows me better than I know myself.

“Say it,” Ivy tells me.

“I g-get off,” I say, my voice trembling and wet, “on sending you money.”

Ivy laughs at me. I smile too. The repetition is instructive. I understand better now. What I am. What she is.

I hope she lets me send her money again soon.

“That’s right. Good girl.” Ivy’s praise is sardonic, but all the same, it warms me. That’s just how superior she is. “And that’s why you’ll be working late tonight too, won’t you? Racking up that overtime? It wouldn’t do for my personal little wallet to run out of cash.”

Run out?

No. No, that wouldn’t do.

I can’t send my money to Ivy if I don’t have any.

I’m drooling. I can feel it. Threatening to let my globs of unworthy saliva drip all over Ivy’s watch. I need to send to her.

It just feels that good.

So I need to… work late? Again?

That strikes a bitter note. A chord of resistance within me I didn’t even know was there. With great effort, I stop myself nodding. It’s my promise. My promise to Luna.

“I… c-can’t…” I beg.

Ivy cocks an eyebrow. She’s impressed—genuinely, this time. “Wow. Didn’t think you had it in you.”

“P-promised…” I drool. It’s hard to go against Ivy. It’s not right. I’m inferior. “My girl… my girlfriend…”

Ivy’s laughter is louder and crueler than ever. “Well, aren’t you a romantic?” she sneers. “That’s funny. I remember just a couple of nights ago, you were telling her you had to keep staying late.”

“I… uh…”

I don’t remember. Two days back is too far for my addled mind. Ivy’s drug has me far too incoherent to form anything close to an argument.

“You were going to turn over a new leaf, huh?” Ivy guesses—rightly, of course. She tuts at me theatrically. “Silly girl. You never learn, do you?”

I… never learn?

I guess not. I guess I don’t.

I’m a silly girl. Yes. That’s right.

So small.

So weak.

“Girls like you never turn over a new leaf,” Ivy reminds me. “You’re just a spectator, Olive. You don’t get story arcs. You don’t get character development. I’m a main character. You’re a… a sidekick.” Her lips curl up. “If that.”

“R-right.” I shrink into myself. She’s right. She has to be. Ivy knows best.

And it sounds right, doesn’t it? How many times have I promised myself that I would change things up? How many New Year’s Resolutions have I let lapse?

I’m… a sidekick.

“You’re still the same girl you were in college,” Ivy concludes. “And I’m superior. Let me show you.”

As whiny and needy as I thought I already was, it’s nothing compared to how I feel when Ivy reaches up, unbuttons her blouse, and lets it fall to the floor.

The way she moves, confident and sensual, is meant to catch my eye. It does, effortlessly. The moment the white peels away, revealing beneath Ivy’s dark, rich, perfect skin, is a revelation. She looks so good, and so effortlessly. The sight of her is the only thing that could have wrenched my attention away from the golden watch.

Ivy’s breasts. She’s wearing a push-up bra. Fuck, they’re perfect.

“You like what you see, Olive?” Ivy asks. Her tone is unmistakably provocative. It fills me with heat.

I nod dumbly.

“Of course you do,” Ivy purrs. “Pervert.”

That word courses through me and makes me quiver.

Pervert? Is that what I am?

“Keep watching.”

Ivy doesn’t need to tell me that. I couldn’t possibly look away as she reaches behind herself, unhooks her bra, and flicks it aside.

Stupid. I feel stupid. That’s the only way I can describe it. The way my thoughts slow to a base, horny crawl as I stare, drooling, at Ivy’s bare chest. Her tits make me stupid, because I’m a pervert. I get it now. Her chest is perfect, of course. Full, proud, shapely—and above all, bigger than mine.

When my thoughts start racing again, that’s all I can think about.

Ivy is bigger than me. Better than me. I ache with the knowledge of it. Making the comparison is instinctive. I search for all the imperfections that would undermine me if I were in Ivy’s shoes. The moles, the blemishes, the wrinkles and scars. There are none. There’s nothing—at least, nothing that does anything more than accentuate her beauty.

Ivy is so much better than me. Ivy is superior.

I’ve never known it as deeply as I do now, with it staring me in the face.

“Keep watching, little Olive.”

As Ivy removes her skirt, I should be thinking about how monstrously inappropriate this would look if any of my subordinates happened to come over and open the door to my office. I’m not. Instead, I’m just thinking about how I could never do what Ivy’s doing. I could never have her poise. Her confidence. Her perfection.

She’s superior. And I’m inferior.

I keep turning that thought over in my head. It’s bittersweet; each time, it grows sweeter and more bitter.

It hurts. Obviously. Seeing that I’m not as good as Ivy, despite it all. That I’m still just her lesser. Knowing it hurts. Feeling it hurts.

But isn’t it… right?

In a way, it’s a relief. I don’t have to fight anymore. To resist her. To prove myself to her. I don’t have to look back on my college years and cringe with shame.

It was only natural. Just like this is only natural.

This is my place.

I drool. I grin. That idea throbs through my being. It fills me with a sickening warmth, and has me rubbing at myself surreptitiously over my clothes. This is my place. This is the way I belong.

After Ivy’s skirt is gone, she takes off her shoes, and then there’s only one thing left: her underwear. She swiftly moves to remove those too. The merest hint of her bulge beneath the plain fabric makes me drool twice as hard. I need to see it. But I know this isn’t for my benefit. This isn’t a striptease. It’s a demonstration. The way Ivy moves isn’t sultry, merely supremely confident. It’s like she’s unveiling a work of art. Her very own masterpiece.

And I’m awestruck by it.

Yes, she could be in a museum. There’s no question about it. Every inch of Ivy is perfection made manifest. She works out, a lot, and it shows in the lines of musculature sculpted all across her physique. She has the kind of perfect figure only a combination of genetics and hard work can give you: hourglass, with wide shoulders and wider hips, full with the fruit of femininity.

This is why I get turned on when I send her money. It all makes sense now. It’s perfectly natural. A superior being like her is owed tribute. The arousal is my reward for submitting to the natural order.

Dazzled, my eyes flit across her, overwhelmed by the staggering spectacle that is Ivy Robinson. Perhaps I’m looking for a sign that she’s just a mere mortal like me. An imperfection. But there’s none, not that I can see. Her hair, sleek. Her lips, full. Her nails, long and painted. It’s all perfect.

Her cock.

Once I look at that, I can’t look away. Ivy is only half-hard, but that’s enough to make it clear that she’s big. The need that grips me as I think about that is so great and so deep it sweeps all self-control aside. I need it. I need her. I’m so turned on, from sending her money and seeing her watch and everything else. I’m inferior. She’s superior. So it makes sense, doesn’t it? I owe her service. I need to let her use me. Only half-consciously, I start to tip forward, my mouth drooling open, ready to slump forward to my knees and take her in my-

“What are you doing?”

Ivy’s mocking voice halts me. I look up at her, a lost lamb in need of guidance.

“I appreciate your eagerness, Olive,” she scoffs. “But no. You don’t get to touch me like that. Not yet, anyway.”

I nod and hang my head. Of course not. How could I forget?

I’m inferior. I don’t have the right. I’m still learning just how wide the gulf between us is.

I’m stupid.

But I have Ivy to teach me.

“It’s time for another lesson, Olive,” Ivy drawls. “If you want things, you have to ask nicely.”

I have to ask nicely.

That’s right.

“Do you want to touch me?” Ivy asks.

For a few seconds, I just nod. Then the lesson lands.

“P-please,” I whimper. “Please, Ivy, c-can I touch you?”

My voice has never sounded so pathetic. But it’s not enough. Not even close.

“C’mon,” Ivy taunts. “You can do better than that.”

I flinch. Her cruelty provokes no resentment in me. It’s simply her right. I lower my head even further. Whatever dignity I have left, I’ll gladly throw away.

No, I’ll offer it. To Ivy. Just like everything else I have.

“Please!” I cry, voice a rising crescendo of maddened lust. “Please, Ivy, I… I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll work as long as you want! Please. I… I could make you feel good!” An empty boast, probably, but I can’t help myself. “Whatever you want! Just… please.”

“Oh, that’s good.” Ivy’s praise, however sarcastic, makes me smile. “Really. You’re a natural, Olive. Almost there. Just… think about a little more. Think about your place.”

My place?

The unfairness of it brings petulant tears to my eyes. Ivy expects something from me, clearly. But I don’t know what. I can’t seem to figure it out. Stupid. I’m so stupid.

My… place. What’s my place?

My mind is utterly clouded with lust, but I force myself to think. I look at myself. I’m sitting in my office, behind my deck. It’s a place I feel strong. Safe. Important.

But that’s not right. I’m not any of those things. Not with Ivy.

This isn’t my place. But what is? In a flash of inspiration, the answer comes to me.

Compared to Ivy, I am utterly inferior. My place is simply the lowest I can be.

I slump forward, out of my chair, and collapse on the floor, prostrating myself. I press my face to the ground in a posture of abject groveling.

“I… I whimper meekly. “I beg you.”

For a moment, tension grips me. Is this right? But even before Ivy speaks, I can sense her satisfaction.

“Very good,” Ivy tells me. “You can touch me, Olive. But only the very lowest part of me.”

I turn my face to one side and see Ivy nudge her foot towards me. There’s no mistaking what she means or what she wants. It’s demeaning. It’s humiliating.

I couldn't be more grateful.

Without hesitation, I crawl toward Ivy and press my face into her foot. Immediately, I’m smearing my drool all over her—it’s disgusting of me, I know, to soil her perfection with my filth, but I can’t help myself. There’s only one thing I can do for a being as superior as Ivy.

Worship her.

And I do. Eagerly. Fervently, although my haste ruins any sense of reverence to what I’m doing. I kiss, I lick, I suck, intoxicated beyond reason by the wondrous gift Ivy has given me by allowing me to touch her. I must look like a dog to her, licking scraps from the floor. She’s standing over me, towering and strong, and in my mind’s eye, Ivy only grows and grows.

She’s all that matters. She is my god.

“You’re just as good of a bootlicker as I’d hoped,” Ivy comments. “Not that I’m surprised.”

Her praise fills me with a dull warmth, but it’s immediately stolen away from me when she steps around to sit down in my chair, behind my desk, robbing me, for a moment, of her feet. I scramble after her, and am rewarded when she sits back and plants her heels on the floor, feet crossed at the ankles. At once, I start lapping at her soles.

“That feels good,” Ivy purrs. “You’re a natural.”

I’m a natural. A natural at licking feet. Keen to make her feel better still, I reach forward and start massaging her feet; one, then the other. Her little sounds of pleasure are like music.

This feels so good. So right. This is my place.

I pour myself into the act of worship, and I am diminished by it. I’m a smart girl. I’ve been to college. I have a respectable job. But none of that matters now. I’m just Ivy’s creature. Her devoted servant. The thoughts in my head have become simple and crude. I focus on making sure every last inch of Ivy’s feet receives the attentions of my tongue and my fingers. The approval I can sense coming from Ivy is so poisonously affirming.

I’m good at this. It only makes it all the more obvious. This is right. This is the proper order of things.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Ivy is hard.

“C… c-can I…” I venture, pushed by my own need, “touch myself?”

I have to ask. I need it. My body is a boiling cauldron.

“Go ahead,” Ivy sneers. “Help yourself.”

I moan a “thank you,” the words melted together by moaning and drooling. Deep at the back of my mind, a voice warns me: this is dangerous. This is how the drug works. Pleasure sears Ivy’s words into me and makes them permanent.

I don’t care. I’m past caring.

I reach back with one hand and push two fingers inside my cunt, to the knuckle. I hear myself dripping all over the ground.

Fuck. It feels incredible.

It takes me no time at all to bring myself to the edge. At least, I don’t think so. Time has lost its meaning. For all I know, it’s been hours. Maybe I’ve missed meetings. If so, I don’t care. I could spend forever like this. It’s so simple. So easy. Worshiping Ivy like this is the thrill I’ve been craving my entire life. It’s everything I’ve been missing.

I get that now.

Ivy takes notice as I get close. I’m an open book to her. She leans forward. “You want to cum,” she says. It’s not a question, so I don’t reply. I just keep sucking on her toe, steaming in the scent of her sweat. “But you can’t. Something’s missing.”

Something’s missing.

With her words, I sense a barrier between myself and the release I crave. I whine, but I don’t argue. I don’t stop.

“Give and take, Olive,” Ivy taunts. “Here. You know what you need to do.”

She reaches down to me, my phone in her hand. It’s just like before. My payment app is on the screen. A transaction has been prepared—an eye-watering, four-figure sum. All I need to do is tap with my finger.

I can’t do it. I mustn’t. For a second time, I’d be throwing away hours of tireless work. Days. Maybe weeks. And worse, I can feel my psyche ready to snap. Ready to alter itself. Maybe now, even now, I can pull back from the brink. I can stop an indulgence from becoming an addiction. All I have to do is hold back.

But I don’t even want to.

I reach out and press my finger to the screen. The transaction goes through.

It’s like I can feel it happening. Like I feel something precious departing my body. Instantly, it’s irrevocable. No matter what I do, I’ll never not be the stupid girl who sent thousands of dollars to my bully, just so I could cum.

That’s who I am. That’s Olive, from now on.

And I want to do it again. Already. I want to give and give, more and more. I want to make Ivy greater. I want to make myself lesser. The humiliation of it bites so deep. Nothing else comes close. Nothing else makes me feel this alive. I want to give until there’s nothing left of me.

Oblivion.

I collapse in a heap as I cum all over myself.

Ivy watches, almost dispassionately, as I do. Then she stands up and, slowly, deliberately, wipes each of her feet off on my limp, twitching body, leaving my clothes soiled with my own drool. Ruined. Then, she starts to dress herself.

“I think I’ll be leaving early today,” she announces. I’m beyond replying, and she knows it. “A little shopping trip, maybe.”

I gasp. I see stars. The mere thought of what she might spend my money on has me eager for another orgasm.

“You can stay late tonight,” Ivy tells me. I just nod. I understand now. I can’t disobey her. “But don’t worry about your girlfriend. Soon, she’ll have me to keep her company instead.”

I freeze. It feels like a knife has gone into my chest.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Ivy says as she leaves, a crooked smile on her face. “I’m going to take everything from you. Everything.”

—

I would like to express my gratitude for the generosity of all those who support me on Patreon, and to give a special thanks to the following patrons in particular for their exceptional support:

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Special thanks to Brendon for commissioning this story

[librarycards]

do you or anyone reading this have advice for someone trying to find more in person and or peer to peer resources but has never done this on their own before and is really scared of ending up somewhere that will do more harm than good? I have been in therapy and with a psych for a long time but I feel like none of its truly helping me because I am very isolated so I want to find other people who might understand but I don't know how. It is so painful going through this alone but at the same time I have no idea where to begin looking for potential local resources and peer help, I am not even sure what I would be looking for in that regard

big hugs, anon. this is a really lonely situation to be in, and i'm glad you reached out to me!

i'm not sure what exactly you're dealing with, but there are some lists out there of groups that may interest you: the Hearing Voices Network has a state-by-state one if you're in the u.s. Project HEAL and FEDUP both have ED/body image-related support group, etc. lists. You can find a list of peer respites here. Most of these spaces have links to people involved in day services/groups/community projects, so even if you weren't interested in staying or receiving housing through the respite, there might still be something there for you.

Setting aside more technical stuff, though, it sounds like you want friends! There's no guaranteed recipe to make friends, but it helps to hang out in places associated with things you like. see what events are going on around you (these may be posted on a library or cafe bulletin board, or posted in facebook groups/on nextdoor, depending on how shitty your area is on these localized platforms - mine is pretty good, which is why i'm suggesting it). i've had good luck with my local silent book club, joining exercise classes/runs advertised locally, helping out with local food distro/FNB stuff (also look up your local food not bombs!), and going to local galleries/readings.

obviously, the people you meet here may or may not become very close to you, may or may not become the people you turn to when you need more significant mental health support, but this is how you build up the architecture of a support system in your life: people who can drive you to the airport, make you food, invite you over, house-sit, and so forth. even though it's not clinical, it's still pretty vital for mental health.

i know this is a lot of info, so maybe it would be helpful to start at step 1: check out the links and see if there's a local thing you can attend. keep your heart open to people who seem friendly/share interests, and don't be afraid to extend invitations to see them again. and when it comes to more specific mental health stuff, be persistent - they're pretty much always busy (especially in this political moment) so it may take several calls/emails to be responded to. keep at it and don't give up - you deserve to be surrounded by people and systems that have your best interest in mind.

[kurt-dontcry]

(I think it's time to let him lose on tumblr)

Name: Broice Fleming

Aliases: Husky , Shadow 77-3, Killjoy (old call sign)

(NOT Hetero, Nox I'm looking at you (・_・))

Age: 28

Birthday: 4 November

Birthplace: born in Germany and grew up in the USA.

Sex: Male. Gender: cis man

Sexuality: pan

Height: 170cm

Eye color: brown, blue

Hair color: dark brown with blonde dyed tips.

What does he do?: he's a sniper a quite good one too.

Background: Broice grew up in a rather poor family, which led him to have a rather poor education.

Broice always tried to fit in with others leading him to lie about his living situation and belongings.

Example:

Student: Broice why weren't you on the class trip.

Broice: oh. I was quite sick I couldn't make it. (Truth is his family didn't have money to pay for it)

When Broice graduate fromschool he didn't know what to do. There was no money for university so he decided to join the military instead. (he admittedly got convinced/ manipulated to join because money)

(And more...⬇️)

Behavior: He's like a husky... I mean it. If he doesn't try to hide in the background then he's a drama king not in the way of wanting attention or doing things intentionally, more like Sees spider jumps on the fridge,Being unnecessarily stubborn and energetic stuff like that.... not to forget the song of his people when scared.

Also he's definitely a Mitläufer. (Person who does something despite not actually being convinced of the idea. Like being peer pressured into drinking alcohol or joining a group of bullies in hopes of not becoming a victim himself)... He's basically all over the place.

Angels: He's obsessed with Angels I mean it. He isn't really religious like at all but he still loves Angels and has quite a few tattoos of them.

Well maybe it's because he's absolutely terrified of death, having a silent panic attack everytime he goes on missions. So maybe it's just the hopes of there being something to ease his fear.

If he's so terrified why doesn't he just leave the military? And do what exactly? Work a minimum wage job and basically be homeless because he can't pay the bills?

Relationship to Kilia: Broice doesn't hate Kilia and never did.

Broice and Kilia used to be In the same unit before joining shadow company. In fact they were quite close (interpret whatever you want into that (ФωФ))

In their old unit Broice noticed that Kilia was being bullied... it was difficult not to ... everyone knew but tured a blind eye.Broice supported Kilia all the way, trying to cheer Kilia up and to help wherever he can till....Till he saw the stares he got by just simply being around Kilia. He started to get paranoid and terrified.

Broice couldn't ignore the stares and when something of his got stolen by another soldier and no one did anything just telling him to cry about it... he snapped not wanting to end up like Kilia... he joined the bullying.

He did things to Kilia he isn't proud of... he will never forget the look of betrayal on Kilia's face... Killjoy that's the call sign he earned from that a name he never wants to hear again.

He left the unit once he saw a Rookie who did nothing wrong become the new target after Kilia left, he just couldn't do it anymore.

He didn't want to join Shadow company at first, mainly to leave Kilia alone but it's difficult to say no when he meets Graves and a few shadows at a convention (which shadows that might be idk). So he joined... not telling anyone about his and Kilia's situation but he thinks some might have noticed that there is something going on based on some looks he has been getting.

[c0la-queen]

Set the World on Fire | Chapter 1

Summary: Reader unknowingly sets off a series of events that will change her - and the world - forever.

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: Violence, minor Reader injury

Note: Finally got Chapter 1 done, I'm so sorry this took so long! I'm sorry if this feels rambling-ish to some of you, but I really like how it turned out. Establishes a lot of physical and technical world-building for the base. Also I promise the next chapter will have more Red Leader!! I hope you enjoy, mwah mwah!!

--

Two years later…

You sighed softly as you walked through the halls, accompanied only by your footsteps. Your boots gave an unyielding click, click, click against the concrete floors. The frigid air seeped in through the walls, making you yearn for your warm bed.

A week at the main Red Army base was not enough to get used to how different it was. Especially compared to the smaller base you had been in - the same base that had found you after the attack. There, everyone was close. It took maybe 5 minutes to walk from one side of the base to the other. You were a little family that all stuck together. The mess hall maybe had three to five full tables every meal shift. Soldiers could call out to someone on the other side of the room to banter, and everyone present would laugh. Promotions were few between and celebrated by everyone with drinks and a special dinner. You all supported each other. The size and bond reminded you of a graduating class of seniors.

But if that base was a graduating class, the main base was an entire high school. There were soldiers who had been living in the base that couldn't tell you the names of more than 10-20 of their peers. You were sure that even if you ran for 5 minutes, you would only make it halfway across the base. There was an air of competition between everyone - not the good kind, but a sort of hostile tension between everyone to climb the ranks as fast as possible. During meal shifts, you would be lucky to find a seat in the mess hall unless someone specifically saved you one. You'd have to nearly yell just to hear the person across from you over the chatter in the room. You felt isolated and outnumbered.

It felt like ironically interesting commentary on human behavior and how its affected by population size.

You felt a yawn fight its way from your lips, the corners of your eyes stinging from drowsiness. You were on a late night patrol shift, which almost all soldiers dreaded. All privates had to log a specific amount of night patrol hours every month, given in a specific schedule. Night patrols consisted of 4 groups every shift, each one located at one of the main entrances to the base. The first shift started at 8 pm sharp, right when the last dinner ends. Shifts change twice every night - once at 1 pm and once at 6 am. It could get boring after a short while, simply walking up and down the well-worn length of the base perimeter, waiting for something interesting to happen. The winter months were the worst - the base was only mildly warm even during the height of the summer, but winter was by far harsher than most of the soldiers were used to. Several layers of clothes were needed just to get through the 5 hour shifts. Various ways of coping were used around the base by all privates; hand warmers, thermoses full of hot drinks, balaclavas, extra layering, etc. If it exists, the Red Army privates have tried it.

Not having to do night patrols was a huge motivator for privates to get a promotion.

You were lucky enough to have been given the first shift that night - it was 1:30 am, and the second shift had just swapped out with you. After your supervisor gave you the approval, you were released. Exhaustion dragging deep in your bones, you were ready to simply peel your outer clothes off and pass out in your bed in your tank top and panties. Despite the shared dislike of having to do patrols, you couldn't help but admire how organized the main base was. Red Leader's constant presence meant that every single thing was designed to be as smooth as possible. He was constantly criticized by his enemies for being a cruel, cold-hearted monster, but that never quite fit in your mind. The main base was the biggest target for attacks, raids, and other things, but it was by far the safest Red Army base across Europe.

How could a man be a monster when he personally ensured that his soldiers were safe and cared for in the place that they called home?

A noise drew you out of your thoughts. It was faint, but it was hard to miss in the silence of the halls. Voices. Whispers bleeding out into the empty halls from a small distance ahead of you. The halls were in "Night Mode" - an automatic setting that kicked in at 9 pm, shutting off the main overhead lights and switching to soft strip lights along the edges of the floors and ceiling. It was meant to be enough light to easily navigate through the hallways while not being so bright that it disturbs soldiers' sleep. One of Red Leader's many personal mechanics installed around the base to improve everyone's daily life. That peaceful light was interrupted by the harsh light of a nearby room that poured into the halls from an open door.

You stopped a short distance from the door when you noticed the shadows of two people cast along the floors. Part of you wanted to dismiss it as two soldiers simply out of their quarters past curfew, doing a piss-poor job of not getting caught. But something told you not to jump to conclusions. A swirling feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach at the sight of the shadows. Prey instincts pressed against the forefront of your brain, telling you stay quiet. stay out of sight. do not be seen. Deciding to heed these instincts, you slowed your breathing, listening to the whispered words coming from the room.

It was hard to hear exactly what was being said, but you managed to catch a few phrases. 'Red Leader's quarters,' 'find it,' and 'take the shot.' Piecing together what was going on wasn't difficult to do. Any other words were lost to you, the rush of blood ringing in your ears completely drowning them out. Thoughts and scenarios raced through your mind, but one phrase echoed the loudest.

Find the alarm.

The entire base was fixed with an alarm system. Activators were littered through the halls, making them easy to find. Slowly, carefully, you began to take steps backwards, intending to make your way to an alarm you spotted a few paces back without risking being seen by the two plotters. Fate had other ideas. Two men stepped out of the room. They were dressed in black clothing, likely chosen for stealth. The strip lights made it difficult to see their faces clearly, but one thing was certain.

They were looking directly at you.

Your heartbeat felt like a ticking second hand of a clock as you stood still, feet glued to the floor. You stared. They stared. Then, everything came rushing back. One of the intruders took a step toward you, and you bolted. You heard your boots thump against the concrete as you sprinted in the direction you came from, adrenaline pumping through your veins. The alarm activator quickly came into view. To avoid unauthorized use, it could only be turned on with the use of the standard Red Army ID cards that were required to be kept on your person at all times. You yanked yours off the clip, not caring if the thin bit of plastic bit broke in the process, and slammed it against the scanner. You didn't even bother to waste time checking how close your pursuers were to you. As soon as the screen lit up, you slammed your thumb against the button that red 'INTRUDERS' in big, bold letters. Seconds after you pressed it, a weight slammed into your side, slamming you to the cold concrete ground. One of the intruders sat on top of you, wrapping his hands around your throat.

But it was too late. Red lights bathed the halls, the low blare of the alarm echoing through the entire building. The other intruder appeared in your line of vision, grabbing the first by the shoulder and dragging him off of you. You gasp as air filled your lungs again.

"Leave her, we have to get out of here."

"But-"

"We are not sticking around to get caught. Do you have any idea what Red Leader does to prisoners?"

You rolled onto your side, coughs wracking your body. Your throat stung from the phantom feeling of the man's hands. Your ears rang, and you couldn't hear anything except muffled footsteps for a while. Suddenly, hands were on your shoulders. Panic coursed through you, thinking they had come back to finish the job. Your hand lashed out. Something solid collided with your fist, and there was a grunt. The hands disappeared for a second, but quickly came back. You were rolled onto your back. In that moment, your hearing cleared.

"Private!"

Standing over you was a fellow Red Army soldier. You recognized him as one of the lieutenants that had worked with your platoon before. He helped you sit up, looking over you for any obvious injuries. Another soldier was standing off to the side, clutching his face. The lieutenant snapped in front of your face, drawing you back to the present.

"Can you hear me, Private? Do you need medical attention?"

You completely disregarded his questions, panicked energy filling your entire body.

"Two intruders, male, wearing all black. They're targeting Red Leader."

The lieutenant paused, taking in that information. He looked over his shoulder, nodding to the other soldier. He returned the nod, then disappeared down the hallway. The lieutenant focused back on you. You could hear soldiers flooding the hallway all around you, pulled from their sleep by the alarm and guns drawn.

"Private, do you need medical? How copy?"

You swallowed thickly. The sting of your throat made you wince. Still, you shook your head 'no.' The lieutenants eyes flickered across you, taking in your state. They rested just below your head.

"I'm taking you to medical."

You barely had time to argue when you were scooped into his arms. He stood, holding you with little to no effort. He looked around at the soldiers gathered in the halls, barking out orders over the blaring of the alarm.

"We got two intruders wearing all black, location unknown. Bring them in alive. Red Leader is the confirmed target, protect at all costs. Lovelace, get it over the radio."

Sergeant Major Lovelace nodded and repeated the message over her radio, making sure all soldiers knew the situation. The lieutenant holding you made his way through the halls, weaving through the other soldiers as he made his way to the medical wing.

"What's your name, Private?"

You gave him your last name, trying to blink away the spinning of the world. The lieutenant clicked his tongue softly.

"Full name, c'mon."

Oh. He wanted to keep you talking, to prevent any potential passing out. You indulged, giving him your full name. He gave you a crooked grin, the small gap between his front teeth giving it an almost boyish charm. He had shaggy brown hair that tufted out at his neck in a small mullet, cornflower blue eyes, and sun kissed skin. A small scar stretched across his chin - it didn't look like the ugly scar of some traumatic injury; more like the faint scar of past teenage mischief.

"The name's Lieutenant Kai Veern. You did great tonight, (Name)."

Lieutenant Veern proceeded to ramble to you as he navigated the chaotic halls. A Southern accent was laced into his words, relaxing your panicked brain. Soon, he pushed a door open with his hip, addressing the nurses that were standing in a group.

"Got a soldier with fresh bruising around her neck. Disoriented. Unsure of any other injuries."

You zoned out as you were set on a check-up table. The nurses bustled around you, checking you for injuries.

You wondered where Red Leader was.

--

"Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on in my base?"

The intruder alarms had long been turned off. Tord paced his office, glancing at the clock on the wall. 5 am. God, he needed a smoke.

"Two intruders were apprehended in the east wing. They're being held in interrogation as we speak."

"Separately?"

Patryk nodded.

"Who pulled the alarm?"

"Private (Last Name). The patrol supervisor said she had just been released from first shift. We're headed down to medical to get her report right after this."

Tord's eyes snapped up to his Major General and Lieutenant General.

"Medical? What do you mean, medical?"

Paul and Patryk shared a nervous glance. Paul shifted in his spot.

"Lieutenants Veern and Winston found her on the ground in the hall. Veern escorted her to medical for bruising around her neck. It's likely that one of the intruders tried to strangle her."

Hot anger flashed through Tord. He slammed his hand against his desk, the heavy metal making a loud impact against the wooden surface. Paul and Patryk didn't even flinch.

"You're telling me that not only did someone have the audacity to sneak into my base like vermin, but one of them put his hands on my soldier? Does she have any other injuries? Did any other soldier report to medical?"

Paul shook his head to both questions. A growl rumbled from Tord's chest.

"They still harmed one of mine. That is a transgression I will not take lightly. Find out which one did it. Save him for me. If neither of them cough it up, give them both a lesson. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

The two stood and saluted.

"Wait. I want you to report straight to interrogation."

Patryk frowned.

"But what about Private-"

"I am going to see her myself."

The two soldiers blinked in surprise, staring at him as if he had grown a second head. Tord huffed, waving his hand dismissively as he pulled a cigar from the box on his desk.

"She could have been risking her life to pull that alarm. I want to talk to her directly."

Failing to bite back their smiles, Tord's trusted soldiers nodded and headed out the door. The guards posted outside his office shut the doors behind them.

Tord sighed, lighting his cigar and taking a deep inhale. The smoke puffed around him as he exhaled, shoulders slowly relaxing. He tapped his other fingers against his desk as he stewed in his thoughts.

Private (Name)…

He was very curious.

[dark-elf-writes]

“Slytherin isnt bad,” the red headed boy on the train says to Harry. “My brother Percy is one. According to my other brothers Fred and George, nobody does anything without his say so.” Ron grind. “Malfoy is in for a sore surprise when he gets in and they don’t just pander to him. Bet he’s expecting it.”

Percy, who stopped by to check on his youngest brother and summoned Neville’s toad. Who had offered to place a small spell on their door to prevent people who just wanted to see the Boy Who Lived from finding them.

(Percy who looked at his youngest brother and saw a badger instead of a lion. Who'd already pulled the twins aside before to tell them it didn't matter where they went. Who had been the first to clap when two redheads went to Ravenclaw, their love of knowledge even it was to learn to prank leading them.)

Its a different Harry sitting under that hat.

(sorry couldn't resist)

Harry who gets support and care from the moment he meets the Weasleys.

Who makes a friend over a pile of junk food and failed spells. Who laughs so hard he nearly chokes on a chocolate frog when Ron makes a face at whatever terrible flavor of bean he got. Who is still feeling light and bubbly with joy when they talk about houses and Harry confesses he’s heard some… things from Hagrid that he didn’t know how to feel about (as kind as Hagrid had been, Harry had never trusted a word from an adult’s mouth. Adults lied all the time whether on purpose or because they had lied to theirselves so much that they tricked themselves into thinking they knew the truth. Adults had lied about him for years after all, accused him of things he didn’t do or called him bad for things that Dudley made up. Why would he trust them?).

Ron, surprisingly, gets serious at his words. Sits up straight and looks at him with those deep blue eyes and a smudge of dirt on his nose.

“No house is all good or all bad. My brother told me that, and he’s pretty much always right. Percy has been in Slytherin for years and he’s not dark or evil or whatever. He still holds Gin when she cries and fusses when I try to eat dessert before dinner. ‘S just a place, innit? Places don’t make you bad just by being places.” The serious mask cracks and suddenly Ron looks just as impish as his brother had when they had been yelling about toilet seats. “‘Sides, Percy is there. If anyone could turn a bad place good it’s him. Even tossers like Malfoy won’t stand a chance against him.”

Harry isn’t so sure how one person could make an entire house good (the train was bloody massive and if even a forth of the people on it were Slytherins what was still a lot of bloody Slytherins). Or at least, he wasn’t until he met Percy Weasley.

He was already in his robes, perfectly pressed and unapologetically green around the edges as he eased their door open. He takes in the sight of them, still red faced with joy and surrounded by sweets and wrappers alike, before tossing a wrapped sandwich (different from the smashed one Ron had pulled form his pocket earlier, perfectly preserved with Ron’s name written on it in a meticulous hand) to Ron with a pointed look.

“Eat something of substance, and try not to ruin your dinner, Ronald. Do share with your friend too. The two of you need something other than sugar in you or you will both be sick halfway through dinner.”

Percy didn’t seem evil. A bit fussy maybe, protective certainly after he had headed off a group of giggling older girls whisper Harry’s name and peering into compartments, downright kind when he had helped Neville find his toad and had passed it back to the trembling boy with steady hands and a soft look that screamed older brother. He just seemed like a person. A nice person even. Harry could have picked him and Ron out as brothers even without their matching noses and hair.

Harry thought he liked him. Even if he was getting close to being an adult.

It was Percy’s expression as he handed Neville his toad and Ron’s voice in his ears (“Places don’t make you bad just by being places.”) that Harry held in his mind as the hat fell over his eyes and a voice resonated in his head. An adult voice. Did hats count as adults?

“You would thrive in any house you know,” That voice croons too close and too loud in the space between his ears. Harry was definitely regretting all the pumpkin pasties before dinner now. “But you already seem to have your mind made up.”

Cunning and ambition weren’t bad. Weren’t evil. They had kept him alive after all. Had kept him one step ahead of his relatives and the bullies and everyone else that wanted to hurt him. And places were just places. And Percy Weasley wasn’t evil.

Harry Potter held his head high (not that anyone could tell with the hat dwarfing him) as the hat screamed its decision to the room.

“SLYTHERIN!”

Ron’s voice broke through the stunned silence, hooting and cheering as he jumped around in the dwindling group of unsorted first years. Three more voices joined his, just as delighted, just as kind, just as loud. His brothers from both Slytherin and Ravenclaw, filling the silence with their joy for him. With their celebration of who Harry was despite what others might think. After another heartbeat there were big booming claps from behind him, Hagrid, celebrating him even through his general nervousness around Slytherin.

They were the only ones who cheered. Harry didn’t mind as he handed the hat back and claimed the seat Percy had cleared for him under the heavy eyes of the headmaster and the rest of Hogwarts.

(Harry made sure to cheer just as loud for Ron when he was sorted into Hufflepuff, shouting until his voice strained and Percy nudged a cup of tea toward him with a pointed look and a smile that took away all hear that might have been behind it.)

[kpopincandy]

Unspoken Verses (IMAGINE)

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Group: Stray Kids

Idol: Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: Angst

Words: 2.7K

POV: First person

MC: GN! Reader

Song Listen to: I wish you cheated by Alexander Stewart

I'm really rusty with writing and shit so I hope this is alright lmao. But anyways, enjoy my first imagine in years. And yes I did the cringy song lyrics in the imagine trope. Fight me 🤣

---------------------------------------------------

The backstage area buzzed with nervous energy, a mix of hurried footsteps, whispered conversations, and the occasional burst of laughter as performers prepared for their turn in the spotlight. Yet, amidst all the chaos, I stood alone, trembling slightly as I clutched the microphone in my hand. The familiar weight of it should have been comforting, a reminder of all the times I had commanded the stage. But tonight was different.

Tonight, everything felt different.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. My heart pounded relentlessly in my chest, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the usual pre-show jitters or the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me. The breakup was still so fresh, the wound still raw, and I questioned whether I was truly ready to perform, especially so soon after the end of something I had once believed would last forever.

But I knew I had to do this. I had to get my feelings out somehow. If I didn’t, they would only continue to fester and build inside me until they exploded at the most inopportune moment. This stage, this performance, was my only outlet—the only place where I could release everything I’d been holding in.

The stage manager’s voice broke through my thoughts, calling my name. It was time.

With one final breath, I forced a small, soft smile and stepped out onto the stage. The roar of the crowd hit me like a wave, their cheers washing over me as I made my way to the center, the spotlight following my every move. I scanned the sea of faces, some of them familiar, others unknown, but all of them here for me. My fans. My supporters. The people who had been with me through every high and low of my career.

And, as expected, there were idols in the crowd too—other performers, peers who understood the pressure of standing on this stage, especially at an Mnet performance. Among them, I spotted the members of Stray Kids, all of them watching with anticipation. They were excited to see me perform, their eyes filled with a mix of support and curiosity. But one gaze in particular caught mine, and for a brief moment, the rest of the world faded away.

Hyunjin.

He was there, sitting with his group, his expression unreadable. The sight of him made my heart ache, the pain of our breakup resurfacing with a vengeance. I quickly looked away, not trusting myself to hold his gaze for too long. I needed to focus on the performance. I needed to keep it together.

The music director nodded at me, signaling that everything was ready. I stepped forward, bringing the microphone to my lips. The noise of the crowd quieted down, and I could feel their anticipation building. They were expecting something amazing, something powerful.

But tonight, they were going to get something different.

“There’s been a slight change to my performance tonight,” I announced, my voice surprisingly steady. I paused, letting my words sink in. “I’m going to cover a song instead.”

A murmur of surprise rippled through the audience, but I didn’t wait for their reaction to settle. I closed my eyes and gave the signal for the music to start.

The first notes filled the auditorium, soft and melancholic, perfectly mirroring the emotions swirling inside me. And then, I began to sing.

"I'm anxious, kinda sad.

Hard to be your best when you lost the best you had.

Spending days just on my phone.

Wondering where it all went wrong.

I'm nervous, pretty wired.

I said your name too much, now my lungs got tired.

Thinking maybe I'm to blame.

I just need someone to hate."

As the lyrics flowed from me, I let my eyes drift back to Hyunjin. His face was a mixture of concern and sadness, emotions that mirrored my own. The connection we once shared, so strong and undeniable, was still there, but it was different now—fragile, like a thread that could snap at any moment.

I forced myself to look away, focusing on the song instead.

"Oh oh oh

You made this so damn hard for me.

You and your goddamn honesty

It got me thinking..."

The words cut deep, each one hitting a nerve that I had tried so hard to numb. But it was impossible to ignore the truth. It had always been there, lurking beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to come to light.

And tonight was that moment.

"I wish you would've cheated.

And smashed my heart to pieces.

I wish I had a reason I could hate your guts for leaving.

I wish you were the villain, a psycho with no feelings.

So how do I move on

When you did nothing wrong..."

I closed my eyes again, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. The pain in my chest was overwhelming, a crushing weight that made it hard to breathe. But I couldn’t stop now. I had to keep going. I had to see this through.

"Ah ah ah

Wish you did something wrong..

Ah ah ah

But you did nothing wrong..."

As I transitioned into the second verse, I opened my eyes and focused on the fans in the audience. They were all watching me with rapt attention, their expressions a mix of empathy and admiration. They could feel the raw emotion in my voice, the vulnerability I was exposing on stage. And they understood. They always understood.

"Know it's messed up, kinda bad.

But I wish we didn't talk

And you just left like that...

I'd be angry instead of numb.

Dammit who have I become?"

The chorus hit harder the second time around, the reality of my situation sinking in even deeper. I was holding back tears, my voice trembling slightly as I continued to sing. But I refused to break down. Not here. Not in front of all these people.

"Oh oh oh

You made this so damn hard for me.

You and your goddamn honesty

It got me thinking...

I wish you would've cheated.

And smashed my heart to pieces.

I wish I had a reason I could hate your guts for leaving.

I wish you were the villain, a psycho with no feelings.

So how do I move on

When you did nothing wrong...

Ah ah ah

Wish you did something wrong...

Ah ah ah

But you did nothing wrong..."

I glanced back at Hyunjin, tears welling in my eyes as I sang the bridge. This time, I couldn’t look away. I needed him to understand how much this was hurting me, how much I wished things were different.

"In the middle of the night

I start to fantasize that you would ruin my whole life.

Oh woahh

Cause you're the best I had.

And I keep running back like a goddamn fool trying to change your mind."

The tears finally spilled over, rolling down my cheeks as I held his gaze. For the last time, I sang the final chorus, my voice breaking slightly under the weight of my emotions.

"You were all mine...

Can't believe I...

Wish you would've cheated

And smashed my heart to pieces.

I wish I had a reason I could hate your guts for leaving.

I wish you were the villain, a psycho with no feelings.

So how do I move on

When you did nothing wrong..."

As the last note faded into silence, I quickly whispered my thanks to the audience before rushing off the stage. The applause was deafening, but I barely heard it as I fled, desperate to escape before I completely broke down in front of everyone.

Once backstage, I felt the tears pour down my face uncontrollably. My vision blurred as I tried to navigate my way out of the venue, my breaths coming in ragged sobs that I could no longer suppress. I needed to get away. I needed to be alone.

But just as I was about to reach the exit, a hand grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks.

I turned around to see Hyunjin standing there, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. My heart ached at the sight. “Did… did you sing that because of me?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded, unable to find my voice. My throat felt tight, the words trapped inside, but I managed to choke out, “Yes…”

Hyunjin looked down, his expression pained. “Do you really feel like that? You would’ve rather been angry at me than ending it on good terms?”

“Yes,” I admitted, my voice trembling. “I know we talked about how we weren’t working and that it would be best if we broke up, but it wasn’t mutual. I didn’t want to break up… I love you, Hyunjin, and I’m sorry if you felt like I didn’t, but I did. I know shit got in the way, but what’s a relationship without struggles and obstacles? It would’ve been boring if we were the perfect couple.”

Hyunjin sighed, his shoulders slumping as he looked down at the floor. “I thought we both wanted to break up. We barely had any time for each other. With me touring with Stray Kids and now being an ambassador for Versace, it’s kind of hard to clear a time slot in my schedule for a relationship…”

I nodded, unable to meet his gaze. The weight of our breakup was crushing, and every word felt like a heavy burden. “Yes,” I whispered. “I know we both agreed it was for the best, but it wasn’t mutual for me. I didn’t want to break up, Hyunjin. I loved you, and I still do. I know our schedules made it difficult, but relationships aren’t supposed to be perfect. We would’ve made it through the struggles if we had tried.”

Hyunjin looked down, his face etched with pain. “I thought we both wanted this… With me being so busy, it just seemed impossible to make it work.”

“I know,” I said, my voice trembling. “But knowing we made a logical decision doesn’t make it any easier. I can’t even be mad, and that’s what hurts the most. I wish you had given me a reason to hate you. It would be easier than feeling this… nothingness.”

He sighed deeply, his own tears now visible. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us.”

My resolve crumbled. I took a shaky breath, trying to steady myself. “I have to go,” I murmured, pulling away from him. “I can’t… I can’t do this right now.”

I walked quickly, my steps echoing in the empty hallway. The weight of our conversation hung heavy on my shoulders, and I needed space to process everything. Each step felt like a reminder of the finality of it all, and I fought to hold back the tears that threatened to overwhelm me.

I headed out of the venue, the cool night air hitting my face as I made my way to the car. Once inside, I let the tears flow freely, my body shaking with the intensity of my emotions. I cried silently, the sting of Hyunjin’s departure a relentless ache in my heart.

The car ride to my apartment was a blur of tears and sniffles. By the time I arrived home, I felt completely drained. I stumbled inside, my emotions too raw to process. I needed to do something, anything, to get through this.

I went straight to my bedroom, collapsing onto the bed. My phone buzzed with notifications—messages from friends, fans, and news outlets—all buzzing about the breakup. It was overwhelming, but I knew I needed to address it. Ignoring it wasn’t an option. The public needed to hear from me directly.

With a deep breath, I retrieved my camera and set it up on the tripod. The familiar setup gave me a small sense of control. I hit record, sitting in front of the camera with a mixture of determination and despair.

“Hey, everyone,” I began, trying to steady my voice. “I’m making this video because I need to clear the air about the rumors you’ve been hearing.”

I paused, my heart pounding as I gathered my thoughts. “Hyunjin and I have broken up. We decided to end our relationship, and while it was a mutual decision, it wasn’t one that came easily for me. I’m still processing everything, and it’s been really hard.”

My voice wavered, and I took a moment to collect myself. “The truth is, I didn’t want things to end. I loved Hyunjin deeply, and it’s painful to know that he’s moved on. We both had busy schedules, and it felt like we were constantly fighting to find time for each other. But relationships are supposed to face challenges, and I thought we could work through them.”

I glanced down, blinking back tears. “It’s not that I’m blaming him. I understand his reasons, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I wish I could be angry. I wish I had a reason to hate him for leaving, but the reality is that he did nothing wrong. He was trying to do what was best for both of us, and that’s what makes this so hard.”

The tears started to fall, and I wiped them away with the back of my hand. “I know this will be hard for many of you to hear. We’ve been public figures for a long time, and I appreciate all the love and support you’ve given us. But now, I need to focus on healing and moving forward. I hope you understand.”

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to look directly into the camera. “Thank you for your support and understanding. It means more than you know. I’m going to be okay, eventually. It’s just going to take time. Please take care of yourselves too, and know that it’s okay to feel sad. We’re all in this together.”

I reached out and stopped the recording, the finality of the video sinking in. It was a moment of closure, but also a stark reminder of the pain that lay ahead.

After uploading the video, I sat quietly, letting the silence of my apartment envelop me. My phone buzzed with a flurry of notifications, but I didn’t have the strength to check them just yet. I was emotionally exhausted, and I needed to find some semblance of normalcy amidst the chaos.

I walked over to the window, gazing out at the city below. The world kept turning, even as my own life felt like it had come to a halt. Somewhere out there, Hyunjin was probably dealing with his own feelings and trying to move on. It was a strange comfort to know that we were both navigating this difficult journey, even if apart.

My phone buzzed again, and I saw a message from Han.

“Just wanted to check in on you. Remember, you’re stronger than you know.”

I managed a small smile, touched by his kindness. I typed back a quick reply: “Thanks, Hanley. I’ll be okay.”

The message was a small beacon of warmth in a sea of sorrow. I took another deep breath, trying to steady myself as I prepared for the long road of healing ahead.

I knew it would be a journey filled with ups and downs, but I was determined to face it head-on. I would find my way back to myself, and I would come out stronger on the other side.

As I sipped my coffee, feeling the warmth seep into my hands, I whispered to myself, “You’ve got this.”

And for the first time in a long while, I felt a flicker of hope. It wouldn’t be easy, but I believed I could handle whatever came next.

With the camera set aside and the video uploaded, I took one more look around my apartment. This was the beginning of a new chapter, and while the end of the relationship had left a painful void, I was ready to start filling it with new experiences and growth. It was time to move forward, to embrace the future, and to find strength in the journey ahead.

[sophieinwonderland]

I find myself thinking again on the r/systemscringe post announcing the targeting of public figures. Some of the points I've already responded to. Others are vague enough to not bother with. They think I'm spreading "misinformation" for providing peer-reviewed academic sources that support endogenic plurality. I think they're spreading misinformation for trying to disprove RAMCOA by relying on an ableist Satanist apologist group that doesn't believe dissociative identity disorder is real and wants to throw trauma survivors under the bus in their effort to debunk the Satanic Panic.

(Nothing against Satanism overall. I just don't think Doug Mesner should be treated as a reliable source on psychology.)

It's subjective.

There's little sense in arguing their spin of the facts, as absurd as it may be.

But then, other things aren't subjective. They aren't half-truths. They're just made-up lies.

Like this...

promoted the review-bombing of McLean Hospital

This is something I'm pretty confident never happened.

I looked through some of my old posts about it just to see if I might have reblogged someone calling to review bomb them and couldn't.

I also checked this petition I posted and found nothing about encouraging people to leave bad reviews here:

I suppose it's not impossible that I reblogged something that slipped through the cracks and I forgot about. I mean, this was drama from a year ago they decided to resurrect and if they scoured my blog for reasons to justify attacking me and putting me on their hit list, maybe they found something I forgot.

But I REALLY don't think so.

I don't think I would have pushed for anything like that at the time because, by the time I found about and responded to the harmful video, McLean had already taken steps to remove it from their official Youtube. I had to watch it through a mirror. In my mind, that was admittance that they messed up.

It seems to me that u/Goat_Alter and the other mods of the hate subreddit just decided to accuse anyone who criticized the video and wanted it removed of review bombing. Something which is obviously absurd.

Which makes me wonder then about the other people they accused.

Like I've said before, I've never watched DissociaDID, but I figured maybe other people in the system community did. Does anyone know if DissociaDID ever actually encouraged people to leave false reviews about McLean Hospital because of the video, or are the r/systemscringe mods lying about them too?

[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - imperfect Part 1 - Chapter 13 - The Ultimatum

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 5.6k words

Chapter 13 - The Ultimatum

      November’s chill picked up with fervor in the coming weeks. Thick sweaters were switched out for puffer jackets and sneakers were stored in favor of insulated boots. The hope of snow was on everyone’s mind, thoughts of a white Christmas being just enough to get everyone through the grueling weeks before finals. But holidays and snow weren’t on Lee Seokmin’s mind. There were much more pressing matters to attend to.

He was hopelessly in love with the Education TA Joshua Hong, and had no idea how to go about it.

His phone vibrated, and he pulled it from his back pocket just as a string of texts from a newly formed group chat were piling in.

[Jihyo] (2mins ago): Cast announcements this Friday. Good luck guys. You both did great!

[Dahyunie] (now): Aww Unnie :’( So did youuuu.

Oh yeah. The final role calls were coming up too.

Seokmin wasn’t sure if he wanted to compliment the girls, or scold them for texting during classes. Opting for the first, his phone returned to his pocket as he made his way to the Education Department. Class had ended for him already, Junhui assuring he could meet up shortly to work on monologues, Seokmin knew there was only one place he wanted to spend his time.

         Seokmin rounded the corner to Room 101A, stopping at the side door the professor used to enter the lower part of the lecture hall. His pace slowed; ears focused on what was happening through the door. It wasn’t closed all the way, so the loud voice carried and got clearer as Seokmin got closer. He felt butterflies in his stomach when it became clear who was talking. 

“As future educators, our job is to not only teach, but support the students where they are at. Not all children learn at the same pace, so it’s important that we take that into account.” Seokmin peered his head in, eyeing the rows of students scribbling notes or listening intensely. Seokmin caught Seungkwan and Hansol scribbling notes, occasionally glancing at one another. Even from where Seokmin was standing, he saw Seungkwan’s cheeks tint red when Hansol pressed his pencil against the other’s paper, leaning close to whisper something to him. Curious eyes poked back to the front of the room, and he fully took in the sight before him.

Joshua was in a pair of the dark slacks that they had bought at the mall. Tucked inside of the waistband was a simple white button up that was rolled at the sleeves. A black blazer was draped over the office chair beside him. The butterflies in Seokmin’s stomach flapped their wings rapidly as he watched Joshua continue his discussion. He barely understood the educational lingo or references when Seungkwan or Mingyu were explaining them. However, as Joshua spoke about ‘tiered support systems’ and ‘differentiation’, it all made complete sense to him.

“So, if we turn our attention to page 145.” Joshua leaned forward, clicking to the next slide on his computer, the screen overhead changing immediately. Students followed, listening as Joshua continued his lecture. When he stood up again, a hand ran through his hair, but it didn’t stop him from talking, eyes darting across the large lecture hall to make sure he hit every student’s eyes.  

The lecture continued another few minutes, before the class was required to work on the scenario examples from their textbooks. Seungkwan immediately turned to Hansol, both grinning as they began working on the assignment. Joshua was rattling off a few directions, but Seokmin had long stopped listening the second Joshua slipped his hands in his pockets; relaxed in his stance. The rest of the world was like white noise to him. Joshua was speaking with the professor for a moment, who smiled behind his glasses as they chatted. Finally, Joshua turned back around, and his eyes landed on Seokmin.

For a second, he felt as if he had been caught trespassing somewhere he shouldn’t be. Seokmin offered a shy wave from the door, and Joshua broke into a grin. He turned back to the class, studying them for a second before heading over to the door.

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” Joshua shook his head.

“Not at all.” He spoke. “You’re not in class?”

Seokmin studied Joshua’s expression for a second. He looked even more perfect up close even with a hard look of exhaustion in his big eyes. He simply smiled, and Seokmin felt his body tingle. “It ended already. I had a bit of a break and I wanted to see you.” Seokmin paused for a second when Joshua’s grin widened. “Your discussion. I wanted to see your discussion.” Joshua snickered a bit. “It was really good! I don’t understand everything you were saying, but you looked really-.” Joshua’s eyes sparkled as Seokmin began his sentence. The expression made Seokmin’s heart skip a bit, coughing into his hand as he finished. “Really good.” 

“Aww, you think?” he leaned against the wall, hands still in his pockets. “Thank you.” He glanced down at his watch. “What are you doing the rest of the afternoon?”

“I’m working on my monologue.”

“Any luck coming up with an idea?”

“No.” Seokmin sighed. “I was thinking of doing one about being an understudy when I wanted to be the lead last year, but I don’t know if it’ll come across as profound or pathetic.” Joshua laughed a bit.

“I think you’ll figure it out.” His reassurance made Seokmin’s body feel warm. “Listen, I have to get back in there and finish up.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” Seokmin said sheepishly. “Uhm, maybe…” Seokmin paused. “If you want….do you want to….”

When Seokmin saw Joshua’s face curl into an almost sad smile, Seokmin’s request died down. “I have a lot to finish this afternoon for my last set of discussions. Then, I’m hoping to get a head start on studying for finals. I don’t think I’ll be around much.”

“Already?”

Joshua shrugged. “I haven’t stayed top of my graduating class just by being handsome, you know.” He chuckled. Seokmin smiled a bit. “I’ll text you soon, okay? We can try to hang out before Study Week starts.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks for coming to see me. I think it’ll get me through the rest of class.” Seokmin’s cheeks turned hot and he looked down at his feet with an amused smile. “See you later, Seokmin.” With a wave of his hand, Seokmin watched as Joshua headed back into the room. Almost immediately, someone called out to him for help, and he made his way deeper into the lecture hall. Seokmin lingered for a few extra minutes, before heading down the hall and out of the Educational Department. When the chilly air hit his body, he fixed his coat a bit and headed across campus.

He needed to tell Joshua how he felt…Oh yeah, and he had to work on his monologue. That was important, too. 

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         “Wait, I’m confused.” Mingyu leaned back against the arm Seungcheol had draped over his shoulder. “What exactly is your problem here?”

         Seokmin looked down at the textbooks sprawled out on Mingyu’s coffee table, beside a half-finished bowl of ramen. It was later in the evening when Seokmin joined his favorite couple for dinner while Seungkwan was out with Hansol so he didn’t have to eat alone. “I want to tell Joshua-Hyung how I feel. But I don’t know if I should.”

         “Why not?” Seungcheol tilted his head on Mingyu’s shoulder as he looked down at the younger male on his living room floor. “Don’t you like him?”

         “Yeah.” Seokmin pulled the bowl to his lips, slurping up another bite of his ramen. “I don’t know how to go about it. I’ve only ever been in one other relationship.” Seokmin saw Mingyu grimace at the memory of Seokmin’s first and only boyfriend back in the 12th grade. “Don’t make that face.”

         “He was a jerk.”

         “I know, but I’m over it.” Mingyu sighed as Seungcheol’s hand rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. “I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”

         “I highly doubt that.” Seungcheol grinned.

         “But what if he doesn’t like me?” Mingyu and Seungcheol shared wide eyes and slacked jaws. Seokmin tilted his head. “What?”

         “Min.” Mingyu began. “Joshua-Hyung and you have been on what? Three dates?” Seokmin nodded. “And Seungkwan told me he saw you two at a party an inch away from making out.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows in his hands. “Either he’s a big playboy, or he is head over heels in love with you.”

         “I’m going with the last option.” Seungcheol called. Seokmin shook his head.

         “No, I know that.” He said. “I’m saying that if he doesn’t want a relationship. What if he just wants to like…I dunno…” He went quiet as he pondered how to finish the sentence. “Just have no labels, or just be friends with benefits or something?”

         “If he only wanted sex from you, he probably would’ve made a move when he came over your house the first time.” Seokmin looked down at his bowl of ramen one more time, circling the chopsticks around the leftover noodles. “Min, you shouldn’t think that he only wants you for sex. He’s a nice guy. If you like him, you should tell him.”

         “I can’t stop thinking he won’t feel the same. I’m scared I’ll make a huge fool of myself and ruin everything. I don’t want things to be weird between us.”

         “I really don’t think that’ll happen.” Mingyu assured. 

         “You won’t know if you don’t try.” Seungcheol encouraged. “And if he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him.”

         “No, you won’t Cheol.” Mingyu patted his boyfriend’s knee, the older one pouting as he put his drink to his lips.

         “Okay…” Seokmin shifted in his seat. “Then how do I do it? Jungwoo asked me out in high school. I have no other experience.”

         “I wouldn’t even count it as asking you out.” Mingyu rolled his eyes.

         Seokmin pursed his lips together. “But you know what I mean….”

         Mingyu hummed. “When’s the next date? Have you set one up yet?”

         “I have no idea. He’s already preparing to study for finals. I don’t want to bother him when he’s so busy.”

         “Already? Isn’t Study Week in like the middle of December?” Seungcheol asked.

Mingyu got up from his seat taking the empty bowls and cups from the table as he headed to the kitchen. “Don’t remind me.” He begged. “If I have to write one more lesson plan, I really will reconsider the whole stripper thing.”

Seokmin smiled when Seungcheol’s eyes widened, head whipping around on the couch. His eyes drilled horrified holes into Mingyu’s broad back. “Gyu, you’re still on about that? I thought that was a joke!”

Mingyu’s shoulder shook with laughter, head tilting to the side. “You’re the one who told me I have a great body.”

“Doesn’t mean I want you to show other people!” Seokmin immediately caught Seungcheol grin behind his yells, and his shoulders relaxed.

“Seokmin’s seen me naked for years.”

“And that’s my cue to leave.” Seokmin scrambled for his textbooks, shoving them in his bag just as Seungcheol shot him a death stare.

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         Joshua wasn’t on campus on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. His phone was silenced, the little moon notification under his messages hitting Seokmin like a punch to the gut each time he opened them up. It was Thursday. Jihoon and Soonyoung would be posting the final cast of XCalibur the next day, but Seokmin’s mind was only on Joshua.

         Is he sick? Should I go to his apartment and check on him? No…we’re not in that kind of relationship. It would be weird for me to just show up out of nowhere. And he told me he would be busy, so I should just-.

         “Seokmin.” His name behind whispered made him sit up right, eyes shooting to the front of the room. The professor was looking at him, hand resting impatiently on the desk. When he turned his head, Junhui leaned over from his seat, eyeing him behind his glasses.

         Seokmin felt his entire body go cold, as if he were dipped into a bucket of ice water and pulled out again. “Yes?” He said.

         “I asked if you’d share the progress on your monologue. Your first draft is due next week.”

         “Right.” Seokmin flipped through his textbook, cheeks burning as he swallowed a growing lump in his throat. When he lifted his head back up, he motioned to the scribbled draft he had done the night before. “I have my concept down, I’m just working on how to best express the….” His eyes were burning and he blinked a few times. “Sorry. The emotion of the work.”

         The professor nodded his head. “Care to share what your topic is about?”

         Seokmin took a deep breath. “Uh, it’s….” he glanced at Junhui, who offered a subtle nod of his head. “I’m thinking of expressing my feelings when I don’t get the lead role in a production. But I’m still toying with it, so….”

         “Mhm…Alright then.” The professor scribbled a few notes, and then turned to the other side of the room, calling on Choi San. His head shot up from his own paper, not missing a beat as he began to talk about his own monologue, completely unphased by being caught off guard. Seokmin sank down in his seat, covering his head in his hand as he waited for this class to come to an end. The longest 35 minutes of his life.

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         Making his way into the library, Seokmin sank down into the first available seat he could find. His education friends had one more class, and Junhui was helping Minghao with some preparation for the play sets, leaving Seokmin alone. Which was fine. It was quiet.

         Seokmin pressed the tip of his pencil against the paper, staring down at the half-completed monologue he had written down. He wrote a few words, then erased. Wrote a few words. Erased. It was a vicious cycle, thoughts swimming helplessly in his head. Five minutes later, he felt sea sick. 

Should I text Joshua and see how he’s doing? 

No. I don’t want to bother him.

Pushing both his monologue and thoughts aside, next was his Performance History assignment. A three-page paper about a famous actor of the modern era. Seokmin chose Lee Minho, the man that provided him with his gay awakening when he led the F4 in the 2009 Boys Over Flowers drama. Seokmin debated on presenting photo evidence of his signed copy of the complete drama DVD, but he decided against it. His eyes studied the computer as he began typing his mini biography on the actor's life. However, it only distracted him until the middle of page two, and his mind began racing again.

Should I just come out and tell him? Honesty is the best policy and all that. A sigh. No. What if I fumble or look desperate? When Seokmin realized he was typing out his thoughts, he frantically went to erase them.

Onto the next assignment, pushing yet another half-finished one to the side along with the rest of his thoughts. He dug through his bookbag for his Script Analysis textbook. Should I be creative? Make a big production? Would he like that? Or will I look like the biggest idiot this side of Korea?

Defeated, Seokmin lowered his head on the table, groaning to himself. Why did this have to be so hard? Why wasn’t Joshua texting him? Or posting on socials? Why wasn’t Joshua coming to class?

Why couldn’t Joshua just make the first move? Did he not want to?

“Seokmin.” A high-pitched voice behind Seokmin chimed. He looked over his shoulder to see Nayeon, grinning down at him. Looped through either of her arms were two of her friends, names he could barely recall due to their limited interactions. He had to wrack his brain for a second to get it. One had Oreo-colored short hair. Jeongyeon. The other had flowing caramel brown hair. Sana. Bingo. The three of them looked like a powerhouse of women, it almost intimidated him. “Hey.”

“Hey.” 

“I haven’t seen you around the apartment recently.” Seokmin shrugged.

“Joshua said he’s been busy. I didn’t want to bother.” Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“He can be so dramatic. He hasn’t left his room in like three days. Jeonghan told me.”

Seokmin felt his breath hitch in his throat. “Really?” Nayeon nodded. “Is he sick?”

“I don’t know.” She sounded almost apologetic. “He might be. He overdoes it when exam time comes. He’s been that way as long as I’ve known him.” Seokmin looked down at his phone, still dark with no messages. “You should message him. Even if he’s busy, I’m sure he’d like to hear from you.” She smiled. “I’ll tell him you’re looking for him, too. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks, Noona.” He waved the trio off as they headed deeper into the library. As he turned back to the table, his eyes settled on the scattered mess before him. He couldn’t begin to imagine what Joshua was doing alone in his room, cooped up for days with the same sight of scattered textbooks and assignments overwhelming his eyesight. It made Seokmin want to throw up. He reached for his phone and opened up Joshua’s messages. Still nothing, dry as a bone for almost five days. 

[Seokmin] (now): I hope studying is going well. Don’t overwork, okay? Make sure to eat and get sunlight. Lots of rest, too! Finals are still some time away, so take time for yourself. He paused, before continuing to type. We should hang out before Study Week. I’d love to make bracelets again. Does that sound ok with you?

Anyway, fighting! Talk soon. 

Seokmin pressed send on his messages, biting his lip. He stared at them for what felt like hours. People were passing to and from the library doors, and the moon was already making its way high in the sky before he got up and headed home for dinner.

No response. Seokmin pulled up the messages again, met with the blue moon and the note ‘Joshua has his phone silenced’.

[Seokmin] (now): I want to tell you how I feel and I’m scared of how you’ll react. I want to hang out soon. Please text me back. 

He stopped walking for a moment, before his thumb pressed the backspace button and wiped that message from existence. He exhaled, watching his breath billow in the brisk November air around him.

Seokmin was going to need more help figuring out how to handle this.

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         Seokmin’s phone began to ring just as he got out of the shower. Tugging the towel off his head, he tossed it to the side and plopped down on his bed. A photo of him and his mother the last time he visited home flashed on the screen, a candid selfie with Seokmin’s face in the forefront while his mother only offered a side eye when she noticed the phone. He quickly answered.

         “Mom, hey.” He hummed. “What’s wrong?”

         A deep sigh came from the other end and Seokmin’s stomach twisted into knots. “Your aunt called your sister.”

         “Oh?”

         “She managed to get Eunkyung home. How she did it, I have no idea. Your Aunt always had a special way of getting through to her. Maybe they’re both alike.”

         Look who’s talking. “That’s great. Is she home?”

         “Well, she said she’ll be home tomorrow after school. Let’s see how it goes. I just wanted to let you know.” Seokmin sighed. He could tell the situation was nowhere near resolved, a pot of boiling water with the burner set to simmer. It wouldn’t cause a problem now, but eventually the water would bubble up again and spill over; causing a painful mess. “How have you been? Final calls are Friday, you said? Are you nervous?”

         “Uh, yeah. A bit.”

         “How’s your friend? Joshua Hong?” The mention of his name made Seokmin want to start crying. He bit his lip, the long hesitation making his mother pipe up. “Seokmin? Hello?”

         “I’m here.” He choked out. He told his mom everything. He told his mom everything because she told him everything. All his life, that’s how it was. “I haven’t heard from him….and he hasn’t been at school.”

         Mom clicked her tongue. “Why?”

         “He said finals. They’re coming up, but he said he’s getting a head start on them. And his phone’s been on silent for the entire week.”

         “Huh. Typical. Men always have some sort of fucking excuse.” Seokmin sighed. “Except you. You’re the one good man in this world. And that’s because I raised you.” He heard rustling on the other end -most likely kitchen cabinets - before his mom continued to speak. “Your father was the exact same way. He always had an excuse. Couldn’t come to your performances. Couldn’t take Eunkyung to the doctor because of something. And you know where he was? Take a guess.”

Seokmin didn’t have to. “Exactly. The bar.” His mom said into the silence. Seokmin felt his eyes water as he looked over to his bookshelf where his little deer plush was sitting, nestled next to all of the other ones. “Honey, we’re the same type of person when it comes to love. We fall for people who look like they have it all, but in the end, they prove to have nothing. If this Joshua kid thinks you’re stupid enough to fall for his ‘finals’ excuse, then he’s not worth your time. And don’t make excuses for him, either. Okay? Don’t let him walk all over you…”

“O-okay…” Seokmin choked out.

“I’m sorry, honey. Love is hard. You’ll find the right one.” A pause. “Your aunt is calling again. I’ll let you go. Call me when you get your results for the play.”

“Night.” Seokmin said. He listened to his mother hang up the phone and set his own down. He didn’t even ask about how to go about confessing his feelings, and after that, he didn’t think he wanted to. He took a deep breath, opening his messages. Two from Mingyu. One from his Aunt. One spam message offering him a great deal when he uses their link. Nothing from Joshua.

“Hyung.” Seokmin looked up as the door opened, Seungkwan poking his head in. “I’m about to go out with Seunghee and Wooseok. Will you be okay?” His voice trailed off when he got a good look at Seokmin’s face. “What’s wrong?”

He frantically wiped his eyes. “Nothing. I’m fine.” He said. “Go and have fun. Don’t be out too long. Okay?” Seungkwan frowned, making his way inside and sitting on the bedside. He crossed his arms.

“Be serious. I can tell you’re upset about something.” Seokmin shook his head.

“Really. It’s not a big deal, I'll probably just sleep it off and be fine.” Seokmin read his friend’s expression, eyebrow arched in disbelief. He responded by nudging the younger. “Go on. Go on. Don’t keep your friends waiting. Is Hansol busy today? Did Wonwoo snatch him up?”

“Hah! He wishes!” Seungkwan grinned confidently. Seokmin smiled, watching as the younger rose from the bed. “Hansol’s got work. You sure you’ll be ok?”

“Nothing a good book and a melatonin won’t fix.” Seungkwan was motioned out the door. “See you tonight~.” He watched Seungkwan head down the hall. As the door locked behind him, Seokmin sank onto the couch, covering his face. He took a deep breath, falling to his side. “What do I do?” he muttered to himself.

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         Joshua wasn’t on campus Thursday, either. Regardless, Seokmin had no idea how to confess his feelings to the older. Not to mention final roles were being announced the next day. The first draft of Seokmin’s monologue was due by the middle of the next week. He still had no idea what to write for it, a few crummy lines and overly dramatic synonyms for ‘jealous’ scribbled in his notebook. 

His head was swimming with thoughts once again, so when Junhui suggested getting together in the quad to work on assignments, he practically jumped out of his seat. The crew got together, nestled in groups of three. Seokmin rested against Junhui, thumbing through his monologue draft. Across from them, Minghao was quietly drafting up some set designs for the play, occasionally snapping photos to send to his art club group chat. Mingyu, Hansol, and Seungkwan were chatting about their recent assignment to create a math activity for their grade of choice. The way Seungkwan described it sounded much easier than it seemed, and Mingyu began on his “I’m quitting to be a stripper” agenda which sent Hansol into a fit of laughter.

         “I need a break.” Seokmin closed his book, sticking it into his bag. Junhui peered over as Seokmin pulled out a book, flipping through the pages until he got to his bookmark.

         “I need one too.” Tossing his book to the side, Junhui leaned away from Seokmin. He grinned a bit when Seokmin toppled over, only scooting closer to Minghao. The youngest of the trio peered up from his sketchbook, eyebrow arched.

         “Can I help you?” he asked. Junhui shook his head.

         “No.” he said. “I just said I needed a break.” Junhui rested his head on Minghao’s shoulder, peering down at the sketchbook in his hand. “Can I help?”

         “Heh, no.” Seokmin sat up, watching as despite Minghao’s protest, he still listened to Junhui’s suggestions. Seokmin noticed the fondness in his eyes when they fell on Junhui. He noticed the snicker that escaped his lips. “That’s never going to work.”

         “Well not with that attitude.”

         Hoping to distract from the pain in his chest, Seokmin sat upright and looked down at his book, beginning to read while the others worked around him. He leafed through the pages of his romance novel, the crucial scene midway where the main love interests were trying to navigate how to express their feelings. Ironic. 

         Seokmin skimmed as the male lead contemplated his options. A big gesture? Too much. A letter? Too impersonal. Having a friend relay the message? What was this, fifth grade? Seokmin wanted to see how the male lead succeeded, hoping it would encourage him to do the same.

         If he’s going to make excuses then forget him! 

         If this Joshua kid thinks you’re stupid enough to fall for his finals crap, then he doesn’t deserve you.

         “Do you think Joshua-Hyung is lying?” He blinked, taking a moment to register the words leaving his mouth. When he lifted his head, Minghao and Junhui were looking up at him, Minghao’s pencil frozen on the sketchbook.

         “Why do you say that?” he asked. Seokmin paused.

         “…Who studies so intensely for finals this early in the semester? I mean, it’s not early, but…it’s only the middle of November. Most people don’t worry about it until the first week in December at least.”

         “Lots of people do.” Junhui said.

         “Yeah, but he hasn’t been at school either. Nayeon-Noona said he’s not sick.” Seokmin set the open book on his lip, eyebrows scrunched. “Is he avoiding me? Do you think I did something to upset him?”

         “I doubt it.” Minghao said. “Based on what I’ve heard, he’s crazy about you.”

         “That’s what everyone says.” Seokmin said. “And I want it to be true, but…” Seokmin’s voice faded.

         “You don’t want to be made a fool. We know.” Junhui replied with a hum of recognition. “I don’t think that will happen.”

         Seokmin looked up. “I’ve wracked my entire brain with ways to tell him. But every idea seems so ridiculous.”

         “Maybe you should just tell him.” Minghao grinned a bit. Seokmin blinked, his confused expression making the younger snort.. “Seokmin, you should just go up to him and say ‘I like you’.”

         Seokmin chuckled. “You make it sound so easy….” His phone vibrated, and he pulled it out to see a social media post from the school’s musical theatre Instagram. It showed Soonyoung in the foreground, grinning into the selfie as he pointed as Jihoon, an unamused look on his face. He held a piece of paper in his hand.

         Role call! Announcement posted on the auditorium doors tomorrow at 3 p.m.! Be there or be square!

         Seokmin watched as his phone began flooding with texts from Jihyo and Dahyun about the time, asking if Seokmin wanted to join them to look at the announcements together. ‘Strength in numbers’ Dahyun said. He quickly replied with eager agreement. A hand extended to Junhui, and he leaned forward to look at the post as well.

         “Well, now I’m going to be thinking about it until 2:59, aren’t I?” Seokmin studied the post for a minute longer, as if there were some hidden meaning he just wasn’t getting. 

OK. Now I need to find a way to keep my mind from exploding for the next 24 hours. Seokmin set the phone on his lap again, eyeing the opened pages in his novel. I could think about all the other crap going on in my life. How my family is about to fall apart at the seams….

How I still have no solid draft for my final monologue…

How I’m so much of a chicken to tell Joshua how I feel…

How this book is due by tomorrow and I’m barely half-way through….

How…

Like fitting a long-lost puzzle piece into its spot, something in Seokmin’s head finally clicked. He looked down at the half-finished book, finger pressed in between the pages to keep him in his place. 

Maybe your life is turning into one of your romance books. 

Seungkwan’s teasing weeks prior crashed into his brain like a tidal wave, but his eyes sparkled like two lighthouses ready to guide the lost ships to shore. 

         “I know what to do.” He gasped. Minghao and Junhui waited patiently for his answer. “I need a push. I can’t just go out and do it.”

         “I’ll push the both of you into a closet until you do it.” Junhui grinned when Minghao nudged him.

         The joke didn’t even make Seokmin flinch. “I’ll tell him if I get the lead in the play tomorrow.”

Minghao tilted his head. “What made you think up that one?”

The lighthouse lights in his eyes dimmed with clouds of uncertainty. “Is it stupid?” 

“No. I just want to know the thought process.” Minghao assured, Junhui nodding in agreement. 

         The evidence was in his book, holding up the pages littered with declarations of love he hoped to recreate himself. “That’s how it happens in stories!” Seokmin tossed up his book, the object landing in front of him with a loud clunk. “The lead takes a major life achievement as a sign to finally confess their feelings. Everything progresses! You know?!” 

         Minghao and Junhui shared a glance. Immediately, Junhui looked over at the other trio. “Guys.” He called.

         Three sets of eyes landed on the beaming brunette, and he tensed. “Oh, no.” Seokmin fell onto his back when the others. 

         “Should Seokmin confess his feelings to Joshua-Hyung if he gets the lead role tomorrow?” Minghao asked.

         “Why?” Hansol asked.

         “Everything progresses, or whatever he just said.”

         “It’s in the books.” Seokmin whined behind his hands.

         “I think that’s really romantic.” Seungkwan said. Mingyu nodded. Seokmin sat up, eyes sparkling. “Kind of stupid too. But in a romantic way.” He grinned when Seokmin sat up, the lighthouses behind his eyes ramped up to a thousand.

         “Kwannie, I knew I could count on you!” Seokmin gasped, tugging the younger into a tight hug. Seungkwan chuckled, patting Seokmin’s arm in support.

         Running a hand through his hair, Mingyu exclaimed: “Now, you just need to actually see the guy so you can confess. And when the hell will he be back on campus?” Seokmin paused, pursing his lips together. 

         “…I’ll just have to go to his house.” He said simply. “I want this to work. I need to be proactive.” 

I want to be proactive. I need this to work.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

Later that evening, Seokmin was telling everyone he knew of his fool-proof plans. Half a block over, Jeonghan was staring at Joshua’s closed door, the same one he had seen for the past 3 days. He could hear muffled typing on a keyboard. 

A knock. “Joshuji…” No answer.

Another knock. “Joshua.” No answer.

One final knock. Still nothing. “Joshua Hong!”

A hard slam was heard on the other end that made Jeonghan jump. “What Jeonghan?!” 

Silence for a moment as the sound faded into the walls. “I'm headed to bed. Gotta work early tomorrow. Need me for any-?” 

“No.”

Jeonghan put his hands in his pockets. “Alright. Get some sleep tonight, okay?” He bit his lip. He turned his head, but paused for a second. “Also, Seokmin was worried about you. Don’t be selfish and keep him waiting anymore, okay?”   

Joshua leaned back in his chair as footsteps puttered from his door. He sighed, leaning over and checking his alarm clock. 2:15 a.m. Looking down at the half-finished PowerPoint for his practicum lesson, he clicked off to show the one for his next discussion.

Downing another cup of coffee, Joshua ran a hand in his hair. 

He still had to make a discussion reflection sheet.

 Joshua popped two painkillers down his throat when the front of his skull began pounding.  

Not to mention, he had to get a head start on his finals.

Another cup of coffee was already brewing. 

I haven’t stayed top of my graduating year by my good looks alone. 

Joshua kind of wished it was that easy. 

By 3 in the morning, tired fingers glided on his eyes. The four seconds they were closed was enough time for him to perk up and keep going. He had made it through the night with less.

Return to Masterlist Previous / Next

[hurlingsupport]

Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Gender Neutral Reader Insert)

Chapter 10: A Beacon of Hope

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“Run, run, run!” Darius screams.

“Is the Parasaurolophus still there?” Brooklynn pants, supporting Yasmina with the help of Sammy. 

Kenji looks to his right, a Parasaurolophus running beside him. In an instant, the herbivore swerves to the left to avoid the massive jaws of a T. Rex. 

“Aah! Not anymore!” The boy yelps.

You all come to a sudden pause in your running, scrambling to decide where to go next.

“Over there! Cover!” Darius shouts over the commotion, pointing towards a fallen tree. 

The Parasaurolophus almost runs into your group before the T. Rex blocks its path, determined to make the herbivore its meal.

You all struggle to climb over the deadfall, Darius taking the easier route and climbing under it. What makes it even harder is the fight between the dinosaurs continuously invading your guy’s space. 

The Parasaurolophus’s tail slaps against the trunk, wood chipping at the force of its struggle. There’s a loud, cracking sound, but all of you are too afraid to check if that was the sound of wood or bone. Then, there’s a crunch, and now you’re sure that the Parasaurolophus lost the fight.

Once the T. Rex’s heavy steps recede, Darius stands up to look over the fallen tree. He stands still, observing the scene before he turns to you all with furrowed brows. 

“They’re gone.” He assures, an eruption of relieved sighs following his words. 

“Why are there so many dinosaurs around?!” Kenji hisses angrily.

“I mean, it’s their island.” You mutter, causing Brooklynn to chuckle before giving an answer of her own. 

“It’s either your boyish charm or all the fences on the island are down.” She jokes.

“No offense, but it’s definitely option two.” Sammy nods. 

“I don’t even care. Right now, I just want a sandwich. We haven’t eaten since we had those awful carob bars that Ben…” Yasmina pauses, eyes flittering in your direction as she stutters. “I-I…”

She can’t seem to find her words, and a sorrowful silence follows. You try your best to ignore the looks, pulling your knees closer to your body. You hold back a wince when your left hand brushes against your pants.

You’re not sure what to think. About Ben, about the pity you’re receiving, or even the shared despair about his disappearance. No, not his disappearance; his death. You remind yourself of the odds, the logical side of it all. You’ve always looked at things logically, counting the pros and the cons. And looking at it now, it’s only logical that Ben is dead. 

But maybe you shouldn’t think that way. I mean, look where thinking logically has gotten you. 

A distant roar puts a stop to your thoughts, your group gasping at the sudden noise. You all groan, dreading the idea of running any more. 

“We just need to eat and rest.” Sammy sighs. “I can’t keep running like this.” 

“We don’t have to.” Darius says as a smile grows on his face. “There’s bound to be a way to call for help on Main Street, and food and everything else.” 

Everyone walks forward, the Innovation Center building just barely seen from behind the treeline. Hopeful grins spread like wildfire at the sight. 

“Come on!” Darius calls, everyone immediately following in his footsteps. 

When you get to Main Street, it’s completely barren. There are chairs and tables scattered around, thrown around in a hurry. Your group looks at the mess with quiet concern. 

“What happened here?” Kenji asks faintly. 

You all come to a stop in front of an almost unrecognizable building. Its support beams are crooked and bent, the building itself just a massive heap of concrete at this point. 

“Uh, I’m thinking dinosaurs.” Yasmina guesses. 

“It’s more than that.” Kenji huffs, kicking a stray cup. 

“Some kind of fight took place. From the height, it looks like maybe the T. Rex and… something bigger?” Darius gazes at the wreckage with worry.

“The Indominus Rex.” Brooklynn concludes, pushing some stray hairs behind her ear as she peers down into the Jurassic World Lagoon. “I don’t think we have to worry about it anymore, or what’s left of it.” 

Most of the fence that usually surrounds the lagoon is gone, the surrounding ground cracked and broken off. You walk closer to her, taking a reluctant look down at the water below.

A trail of blood, as if something had been dragged away, leads to the depths below. There's nothing left of the Indominus as far as you can see, its remains most likely stuck at the bottom of the Jurassic World Lagoon by now. 

“Or the Mosasaurus being hungry for a while.” Darius grimaces from beside you.

“Guys!” The three of you jump from Sammy’s unexpected yelling. “You have to see this!” 

The next thing you know, you’re all standing in front of a standee cutout of Brooklynn. The cutout stands stiffly, a charger held in its cardboard hand to advertise for the store behind it. Everyone stands with their jaws dropped for just a few seconds, before they burst out into laughter.

“Wow, I totally forgot I agreed to that,” Brooklynn sputters, a wide smile on her face.

“Do you only own one outfit?” Darius snickers.

Brooklynn swerves her head towards the boy, an almost offended look on her face. “What? It’s my signature look!” 

Kenji runs up to the standee, swiping a charger from the display and bending down on one knee in front of the pink-haired girl. 

“Please, autograph my phone charger, O Queen of the Brooklanders!” He wheezes, taking an exaggerated breath of air as he cackles.

“Well, I think it’s cool.” Sammy smiles, hand resting on the standee’s shoulder. “When we get rescued, I’m taking it with us.” 

“TBH, this does remind me of home. I haven’t posted in days. I bet my followers are worried sick about me,” Brooklynn sighs.

“And your parents?” Sammy adds with a raised brow.

“Oh, uh, right. Obvi. Them, too.” Brooklynn nods her head hesitantly.

Maybe some time away from her phone would do Brooklynn some good. Her internet lingo was really throwing you off. Who actually says TBH in real life?

“Okay, let’s start, uh, looking for a way to communicate with the mainland.” Darius suggests. “There’s gotta be a phone or something here, right?” 

With those orders in mind, everyone searches the store for a way to get help. 

As you’re searching the cabinets, you hear Darius murmuring about sunglasses and hats. You ignore him, focusing on scrounging around for something helpful. 

There’s a creak next to you, and when you glance up, Kenji’s staring down at you. It’s an awkward staring contest between you two, but you ultimately give up in favor of looking through another cabinet. 

“So, are fanny packs your thing, or…” 

You sigh, slamming the cabinet in front of you shut with a little more force than necessary. You may have defended him back in the tunnels, but that didn’t make the two of you friends. Taking the hint that you don’t want to talk, Kenji runs off to bother Darius and Yasmina instead. 

Resuming your search through the many cabinets, you end up finding a stock of random toys. The packages include a syringe needle jammed into a plastic bug and a red substance that looked like it was supposed to replicate blood. ‘Become the Mosquito!’ The toys read, likely referring to the mosquito that gave Jurassic Park scientists access to dinosaur DNA. 

Definitely a weird choice in toy products, but anything to gain profit, you suppose. You shudder at the sight of the kiddy needles, closing the cabinet with a grimace. You’d just steer clear of any toy stores around here. 

“Oh!” Sammy gasps, drawing the attention of everyone in the shop.

“You found something?!” Darius shouts excitedly. 

“An Insider’s Guide to Jurassic World!” Sammy reads aloud, showing off a yellow book. “It’s got all kinds of details about the park. Did you know there’s hidden dinos carved into the buildings? Or that aircrafts aren’t allowed to fly over the island?” There’s a short, befuddled silence before she continues. “Sorry, that last one’s a bummer.” 

“Hey!” Brooklynn calls out.

“Is it a phone?” Darius asks.

“It’s a camera! And it works!” A beep emits from the camera, a smile growing on Brooklynn’s face. “Now I can document all the crazy stuff we’ve seen! Our rescue will be a Brooklynn Exclusive!” 

She poses for the camera, glancing towards you all with hope-filled eyes. “That’ll get my follower count back up to where it belongs.”

“And that will help us… how exactly?” Yasmina asks in a low tone.

“Uh, because when we get home, this will also make you famous?” Brooklynn answers happily, pointing the camera in your guy’s direction.

“Hey!” Kenji yells.

“Please tell me you found a phone.” Darius pleads.

“Uh, no, but I could be in the video.” Kenji puts on some sunglasses and finger guns the camera.

Sammy gasps again, causing Darius to swing his head towards her.

“Phone?” He asks tiredly.

“Nope. It’s better than that.” Sammy smiles, still staring into the book from earlier. “It’s an EDB–emergency distress beacon! After the first park went down, Mr. Masrani installed one on Main Street.”

Everyone gathers around Sammy, peeking at the guidebook with hopeful expressions. 

“It’s battery powered and can send an SOS signal 150 miles in all directions! We’re saved!” She grins.

“Does it say where it is?” Yasmina gestures towards the book with a green dinosaur walkie-talkie. 

“Uh… no.” Sammy frowns. “The rest of the chapter is just glamor shots of Dr. Wu wearing turtlenecks.”

Well, that’s concerning. 

“Everyone, spread out.” Darius orders. “There’s a way to communicate with the outside world somewhere here on Main Street. We find this thing, and we go home.” 

“Affirmative, human.” Kenji agrees, talking into a dinosaur walkie-talkie identical to Yasmina’s. He walks off robotically, making robot noises all the while. “Beep. Boop-boop. Beep.”

Guess that means it’s time to search some more.

The camera beeps as Brooklynn records, sending her signature greeting towards an imaginary audience.

“What’s up, Brooklanders? You wanted exclusive footage? Well, here it is!” She spreads her arms wide, showing off the barren street behind her. “And there’s nobody better than me to show it to you. Ka-pow!” She imitates gunfire as she points offscreen. 

“You do know ‘Brooklanders’ is a weird name, right?” Kenji asks from behind the camera. 

Brooklynn glares at him. “Okay, I was ten when I came up with it, and–just, shh, start over!” 

You sluggishly feel along the walls of each building with your good hand, peeking into the alleyways between them hoping to spot the beacon. Then again, you have absolutely no idea what this beacon looks like. 

Of course, you saw what it looked like in the book, but you doubt it’d be out in the open like that. It might be in a concealed space, or hidden somewhere along the creases of the building walls. Either way, this was going to take a while. 

The camera beeps, showing Yasmina looking through the glass doors of a building. 

“I don’t see any beacons in here.” She announces.

The camera moves to a coffee poster taped to the glass windows, Brooklynn letting out a dreamy hum at the sight of it.

“I can’t believe I’m gonna be in your video!” Sammy smiles, bursting into frame with the book from earlier held close to her chest. “Ooh, should I have my own catchphrase?”

“Just talk about the stuff.” Brooklynn huffs.

“Okay, according to this book, things in the park are disguised to keep up the whole natural illusion of Jurassic World.” Sammy looks up from the book with a gasp, running out of frame.

When the camera pans back to the cowgirl, she’s crouching next to a trash can.

“This rock is really a trash can.” She pushes the swinging top of the trashcan a few times before standing back up and gesturing towards some electrical wires behind her. “Those vines are electrical cords. Pretty neat, right, Brooklanders?” 

She spreads her arms out with a smile before breaking the silence with a confused look. “You ever notice ‘Brooklanders’ is weird to say?” 

Brooklynn lets out a frustrated groan, and the camera goes black.

“Hey!” Brooklynn calls your name, the camera hiding her face as she points it at you. “Got anything for our fans?”

You raise a brow at her use of the word ‘our’, but answer regardless. 

“Yeah,” you face the camera with a deadpan expression. “If you ever get stranded on a dinosaur filled island, protect your nose at all costs.” 

Brooklynn chuckles at your words, peering at you from behind the camera with a grin. “A broken nose or two is pretty cool.” 

You turn away from the camera with a scoff. “Says the one that fixed it. Thanks for that, by the way.” 

She responds with a smile, turning the camera towards herself as she explains her nose-fixing achievements throughout this whole trip. 

You continue to feel along the walls with droopy eyes. Man, none of you have slept since the camp was still intact, which was… how long ago again? You know it was night when you all were on the monorail, and it was daytime when you all got out of the tunnel. 

Did one whole day already pass? That would explain why you felt so tired. Sadly, you can’t really do anything about it at the moment. You didn’t want to slack off, and you doubt you’ll have enough peace and quiet to close your eyes. Therefore, searching for the beacon despite your head falling downwards every few seconds was the only option. 

When another beep emits from the camera, it’s pointed at Yasmina and Darius standing near some wreckage. 

“Find anything?” Darius questions with a sigh. 

“Not yet. What about the others?” Yasmina sends a curious look behind her.

“Found scooter!” Kenji hollers as he rides a scooter across the camera frame. 

The screen goes black once more, before a beep signals yet another video.

“Hey, Brooklanders! Check this out!” Kenji rides the yellow scooter into frame again as Brooklynn turns to him. “Now it sounds weird to me, too.”

The screen cuts to black. This time, Sammy appears when it turns on. Pointing to different areas offscreen as she rides a green scooter, the cowgirl describing how they’re disguised. 

“That rock is an electrical outlet, and that rock is a straw dispenser–” The camera crashes to the ground when Sammy falls off the scooter with a yelp. “I tripped on a rock.”

The screen cuts to black again. Sammy reading out of the guidebook when the beep sounds.

“And this rock is…” She spares an awkward glance at the camera as she shuts the book. “Just a rock, but I think it’s neat.” She leans against the rock, throwing her hand out towards the camera. “What do you think, camp fam?” 

“Camp fam?” Brooklynn questions, her confusion evident from behind the camera.

“That’s right, it’s a new catchphrase. Ka-pow!” Sammy shoots her hands in the air, imitating gunfire. 

Brooklynn just stares in silent perplexity.

The screen turns black, Kenji, being the new camera holder, and in front of the camera is a toy Stegosaurus held by the rich boy as he walks up to Darius.

“Mm, roar! I’m gonna eat you!” Kenji says in a creepy voice. 

Darius turns to the camera, his face blank because of how tired he was of everyone’s bull. “That’s a Stegosaurus, Kenji.”

“You look like a plant.” Kenji makes munching noises as he taps Darius’s head with the toy. The shorter boy simply stands there and allows it all to happen. 

The camera then cuts to black for a final time.

Once everyone deemed it time for a break, you all sat at the patio umbrella tables in front of a shop. Yasmina sat at one table, Brooklynn and Sammy standing at the table with her. They giggled and posed, Yasmina recording them as they said random phrases. 

Far off, Darius paced back and forth with a worried expression. He clutched a dinosaur walkie-talkie in his right hand, and you swore you could hear the cheap plastic cracking a bit from his tight hold. 

You sit in a chair off to the side, feet resting on the table in front of you. Your upper body is unprotected by the umbrella on the table, the sun acting as a blanket of warmth. You lean back, eyes shutting almost instantaneously.

“Anybody order frozen pizza from the world’s dopest delivery boy?”

You open your eyes to see Kenji rolling in on the scooter he found earlier. He talks into the walkie-talkie with a grin; the device changing his voice into a more robotic tone. On the handles of the scooter hangs two bags, likely full of pizza, like he said.

“Food? Finally! Yes!” Brooklynn cheers, her hands balled into fists because of her excitement. 

“I’ll get napkins from the rock.” Sammy beams, her obsession with the disguised objects of the park showing through her words. 

Once you all are seated with a piece of pizza in your hands, you all just sort of sit there awkwardly. Now, you’d definitely chow down on some pizza when given the chance. Don’t get it twisted. But it’s hard to chow down when your pizza is identical to that of a block of ice. 

Everyone takes a bite despite the blue color of the pizza, immediately flinching backwards with a yelp. Luckily, you’re not that desperate, so you take the others as an example of what not to do. 

When Kenji bangs the pizza on the table, it becomes increasingly clear that you all will have to wait for the pizza to thaw before eating it. Your bunch places the pizzas back into their individual boxes, laying them on the ground to thaw out in the sun. 

After that, the only thing you all have left to do is wait. You take this as an opportunity to get some shuteye. Leaning back in your chair, you close your eyes with a grumble.

When your eyes open again, you can’t tell if you’re dreaming. You look to your left, and then to your right. You’re surrounded by trees and foliage, and with no path to follow, you walk with no real intent. You didn’t know where you were heading, nor did you know where you wanted to go. All you know is that right now, you should be walking.

Pushing past a leafy branch obstructing your view, your eyes widen at the sight in front of you. There stands Ben, who looks around aimlessly. You immediately race forward, tackling the boy into a hug.

He yelps, turning to you with a fearful expression. When he sees it was you who grabbed him, his fear turns into surprise. He calls your name hesitantly, hands hovering over your form.

“Are you…” He sputters, unsure of what to say at first. “Are you okay?” 

You release him from your hold with a chuckle, staring at him with furrowed brows. “Yeah, why–why wouldn’t I be?” 

He eyes you doubtfully. “Alright then…” 

The boy turns away from you, still surveying his surroundings. Confused by the cold shoulder, you force yourself into his vision.

“What are you looking for, Ben?” You ask with a laugh. Why do you keep laughing?

He furrows his brows at you, standing on his tiptoes to see over your body. “Looking for Bumpy.”

You hum, turning to look behind yourself. You see a flash of color, your heart skipping a beat at the sight. 

“I think I saw her.” You say almost robotically, a grin stretching across your face. 

Ben looks at you skeptically, but smiles after a short few seconds. “Lead the way.”

You grab his hand, holding it tightly. His hands feel clammy and cold, and when you look at his face, it seems a lot paler than usual. Despite this, you copy his happy expression and lead him towards the movement you saw earlier. 

You walk through the forest in a haze, Ben’s freezing hand clasped in your own. You lead him without hesitation, almost as if you already had a set destination in mind.

“Hey,” Ben calls your name faintly. “Do you miss me?” 

You keep your gaze straight ahead, refusing to look his way. His hand is much too relaxed, almost slipping out of your hold. You don’t respond to the boy.

“It’s okay if you do, I think.” The boy pauses, his words slow and calculated. “I’d miss you too.”

Tears spring at your eyes, your smile straining as you continue leading him through the forest.

“You’re probably the first friend I’ve had in a while. I’m glad I made one before–” he’s interrupted when he bumps into your back.

You stand still, hands shaking and breath uneven. You swallow the lump in your throat before speaking.

“I found her.” You announce quietly. 

In front if you lies Bumpy, or at least you think so. It’s hard to tell with the state of the little Ankylosaurus. Flies and beetles eating away at the decaying flesh. She looks as if she’s been torn into, yet her body is scarily intact. It resembles that adult Ankylosaurus back by the broken gyrosphere. The Indominus must’ve gotten to her before you two did.

“Oh.” Ben hums. 

It’s quiet between the both of you. Neither of you move, simply staring at the limp body that used to be Bumpy. At least, until you can’t take it anymore and your despair exceeds your control.

Tears pour out of your eyes, hiccups, and sniffles escaping from your mouth every so often. Throughout it all, Ben’s hand stays clasped in yours. You’re not sure if it’s because Ben’s holding onto you, or if you’re holding onto him. But either way, he stands silently by your side until your sobs quiet down. 

Once they do, Ben grabs hold of your other hand, pulling you into his sight and him into yours. You squeeze your eyes shut, head lowered shamefully.

“You can’t even look at me?”

You swear you hear a smile in his voice. But why would he be smiling? Isn’t he sad? Isn’t he mad? He’s dead. He’s dead, and it’s your fault. You tried to push it all away, but look where that’s gotten you. Why is this happening to you? What did you do wrong? You just wanted to get away from your parents. You just wanted to feel safe. 

Ben pulls you into a hug, his rotting face still obscured by your closed eyes. His fingers twitch against your back, and if you try hard enough, you can pretend he’s tapping to an unknown rhythm. 

He says nothing, and neither do you. And for once, you feel safe. 

Your head hits the table with a thud, a weight holding it down. When the weight is lifted, you look up groggily to see a Compy standing in front of your head. It tilts his head at you curiously. 

There’s some unintelligible shouting, and then you watch as everyone throws the pizzas to lead the Compies away from your group. You tune everything out after that, laying your head on the table with a ‘thud’.

You’re never sleeping again, that’s for sure.

You rub your eyes tiredly, nodding your head mindlessly as Yasmina's words go in one ear and out the other. 

"You sure you're up for it? You look pretty tired." She asks with a chuckle, eyes glancing over your slouched form. 

Feeling your back ache from your bad posture, you straighten up with a groan. 

"I'm fine." You say almost automatically, the words bursting out of your mouth crudely. When the black-haired girl gives you a doubtful look, you fix your hair with a sigh. "I mean it."

She nods, hesitantly accepting your answer. "Alright, just wake me up if you get too tired." She sends a pitiful glance your way, walking towards the shop from earlier and making herself comfortable against a counter. 

You scoff at that, offended by her words. Why is everyone acting like you're some orphaned child now that Ben is… gone. 

You stand dumbly for a second, eyes staring at the ground, and then moving to the pouch hanging from your waist. You refused to answer Kenji earlier, but no, fanny packs were not your 'thing'. You only kept because it was Ben's. And, who knows, maybe it'll come in handy again like it did in the tunnel. 

You force your eyes to leave the pouch, sitting yourself down at the chair from before. The stars twinkle brightly, light pollution a problem of the past on this isolated island. 

You look to your side when you hear grumbling, only to find Darius laying against a pillar, fast asleep. His head leans to the side, brows furrowed and jaw clenched. His hands twitch at his sides, grasping at nothing. 

Maybe you should mind your business like you usually do. So you lift yourself up from your seat, grimacing when the chair scrapes against the ground. You should do some rounds, make sure there aren't any creatures hiding in the dark waiting for a chance to bite one of you when you're not paying attention. But when Darius starts murmuring to himself, you realize you can't mind your business this time.

You crouch at his side, reaching a hand out to shake his shoulder, but he shoots up when your finger meets his arm. He pants hurriedly, sweating like he ran a marathon. 

"Whoa, whoa, are you okay?" You ask as your eyes survey his form. 

His hands are shaking, and his chest moves up and down at a rapid pace. It takes a few seconds, but he eventually calms his breathing, his eyes searching the streets for something that isn't there. 

"Darius, are you good?" You repeat yourself, ignoring the urge to ask what he was dreaming about.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He assures, but his eyes still wander around with no real target. "Thanks. Sorry I fell asleep." 

 

"I volunteered to take the first shift, remember?" You brush some dirt off his shoulder, retracting your hand when his gaze lands on you. 

He looks at you with a raised brow. "I thought Yasmina did?" 

"Well, she definitely tried. We had to bargain for half and half in the end." You chuckle awkwardly, gaze falling on a slouching Yasmina. She's in a big huddle with Sammy and Brooklynn.

You briefly wonder where Kenji is, but his snoring is too obnoxious to miss, and there he is, splayed out across the counter. 

Your eyes automatically search for Ben, but remembering that he's gone, your eyes fall to the gravel beneath you.

You startle when Kenji suddenly starts mumbling into the dinosaur walkie-talkie he still hasn't let go of, only to turn to Darius with an annoyed expression. 

"Can't stop talking even in his sleep." You mutter, hoping to lift Darius's spirits with your jab at Kenji. 

Sadly, he's not even looking at you. His brows are furrowed, a grimace worn on his face. He hugs his legs close to his chest, whispering to himself.

"I have to find that beacon. I just need to try harder." He finally looks up at you. "I can find it if I try harder." 

You stare at him in silence, before a serious expression crosses your face. It might weird him out, but he needs to get out of his head. You stand up in one sudden movement, startling Darius out of his stupor. Then, you start jogging in place, making sure your form is right. 

He stares at you in silence for a few awkward seconds, but eventually breaks the quiet built between you two. 

"Uh, what are you doing?" His eyes travel up your form hesitantly, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

You don't spare him a single glance as you answer, "Getting my ideas flowing." 

When he continues to stare at you in bewilderment, you expand on your words.

"Before I write, I have to think, and before I think, I have to get moving." When an idea enters your mind, you pause your jogging to stretch. "When I've got that idea in my mind, I can start writing." Unfortunately, there isn't any paper or pencils in your sight, so the idea simply sits in your mind. 

Darius’s mouth hangs agape, utterly confused. 

"Sometimes writing is the hardest thing in the world. None of your ideas make sense, you can't find out how to start your story, you don't know what you should even write." Your stretching comes to a stop, and you let out a relieved sigh. "You feel like you're not trying hard enough, but sometimes writing evades you." You turn your gaze to Darius, who's eyes start twinkling in what you hope is realization.

"Sometimes, you just need to have fun. Write something you normally wouldn't, write something that makes zero sense, just write something." You rest your hands on your hips, encouraging Darius to add on. "The number one rule in writing is to start writing. You just need that first draft for every piece of the puzzle to be put into place; and that's how the best stories get written." You offer a hand to Darius, who grabs it with a smile on his face. 

"I think we have very different definitions of fun." He laughs, his hand still holding onto yours. 

"Okay, then. What's your definition of fun?" You let a small smile grace your face, Darius beaming at your words.

In a shocking amount of time, you and Darius are walking towards the Jurassic World Discovery Walk.

"Learning new dinosaur facts! Whoo!" 

"Whoo!" You pump your fists with a lazy grin. 

You briefly considered waking Yasmina up so she could take a shift in watching, but when you saw her laying on Sammy, you decided against it. 

"I've been wanting to see the Jurassic World Discovery Walk since forever!" Darius reads one of the little signage stands full of information. "I can't believe that this place is practically untouched!" 

Thinking about the fact that most people who came here only traveled to see baby dinosaurs act as ponies for children and watch carnivores eat goats like it was a sport, you could easily believe that it was rare for people to care for the actual dinosaur and not the concept. Despite that, you hum in agreement, not wanting to diminish Darius's excitement. 

"Race you to the next plaque!" He shouts with a grin, jogging to the signage literally right next to the one he was reading previously.

"That was not a race." You snicker, walking towards him as he reads. 

"Check it out. Sauropods can eat up to 12,000 pounds of food per day!" He turns to you with a smug expression. "Obviously their necks help them cover both elevated and lower grazing levels, but still, that's insane!" He points a finger at you. "Race you again!" 

Yet again, he only runs a mere two steps to the next plaque. 

"Ooh, this one's about camouflage! 'Some dinosaurs developed color patterns to help them blend into their environment to hide from…'" Darius pauses his reading, whispering to himself. "Hide…" 

He gasps, a determined expression now worn on his face. "I know where the beacon is."

"That was fast." You smile, walking forwards to stand next to Darius. You quickly read the plaque, Darius talking his head off right next to you.

"It all makes sense now! Jurassic World would never make the beacon easy to find, even if that's a safety hazard, everything is hidden in plain sight!" 

"Well, now we can go back to–" Your words are cut off when Darius shoves himself onto you. His arms wrap around your torso, a bright smile adorning his face.

You hold your arms in the air awkwardly for a few seconds, before eventually relaxing into his hold and patting his back.

"Thanks." He chuckles, pulling away from the hug with one final squeeze. "Dino-buddies?" 

He holds his hand out, knuckles facing you as he grins. You let out a genuine laugh at that, closing your right hand into a fist. 

"Dino-buddies." Your knuckles knock against each other painfully, the two of you yelping at the incident. You both rub your hands with pained expressions, before laughter fills the air. 

The very next morning, Darius herds everyone together in order to tell them his findings. 

"Look, we–we already looked here." Kenji mutters as he rubs his eyes.

"We looked, but we didn't look." Darius says, spreading his arms out as if that would help his explanation.

"Well, that clears that up." Brooklynn adds sarcastically.

"It's like Sammy was saying, things are disguised as other things. We never saw the beacon because it was camouflaged." He shakes Sammy's shoulder with a smile, before everyone splits up to find the camouflaged beacon. 

You all look at pretty much everything in sight: rocks, trashcans, plants, all up until Yasmina stumbles and hits her shoulder on a random tree. It emits an unnatural thud when her shoulder makes contact with it, a smile spreading across her face.

"Ever hear a tree do that?" She asks rhetorically. 

Everyone surrounds the tree, Sammy pulling a previously unnoticed handle. "There's stuff inside!" She gasps.

"Find it again for the camera?" Brooklynn asks, pointing the camera at Sammy. 

Sammy closes it, then reopens it with artificial surprise. "Ooh! There's stuff inside!" 

Everyone spreads out to open the other fake trees, though it’s a fruitless endeavor. 

"All aboard the fail-boat." Kenji snickers. "The rest of these are all empty, broseph." 

"This one's missing." Darius murmurs, pointedly ignoring Kenji. He stares down at the broken stump of one of the fake trees. 

Following a trail leading to a rather closed off section of Main Street, your group stares into the structure with unease. An animalistic snarl brings you all out of your curious thoughts, gasps ringing out across the group. 

Darius hurriedly leads you all up a ladder, which gives you a front row seat to what occurs.

A T. Rex drags an artificial tree, obvious by the ear-bleeding noise it makes as it scrapes against the ground, into her lair. This must be the T. Rex paddock, which really makes you wonder why the hell Jurassic World thought it was a good idea to have such an amazing predator so easily accessible to the public. 

The carnivore drops the tree onto a pile of trees and debris, nudging it with her snout as she snarls softly. Once it's to her liking, she turns around and begins scraping her feet against the dirt ground, likely a way of scenting her nest. 

Then, she opens her jaws wide, letting a mind-numbing roar escape her jaws as she screeches. You all duck your heads at the act, brows downturned in worry.

"A T. Rex lair!" Darius whispers with twinkling eyes. "They've found fossilized nests, but the T. Rex never did this when the park was open. We're witnessing new behavior. This is great!" 

When his excitement is met with disappointed stares, Darius quickly backtracks. 

"This is terrible." He groans. "She built her lair right on top of Main Street."

"And it's about to get worse. Look." Brooklynn holds her camera up, zooming into the new addition of the nest. There lies the beacon, stashed away inside the metal tree on the T. Rex's nest. 

"Well, we found the beacon." Yasmina sighs. 

Everyone groans at her words, annoyed expressions spreading like a virus. Wanting to stay out of the T. Rex's sight, you all sit up against the short ledge of the wall you sit on. 

"How are you supposed to get to the beacon now?" Kenji growls, a sneer growing on his face. 

"Don't you mean 'we'?" You ask with furrowed brows, more so annoyed at his grammar compared to the situation at hand. 

"No, because I want to live, and living does not involve me walking into a T. Rex lair!" Kenji points in the direction of said lair, wide eyes staring at you in disbelief.

"So wait, does that mean we can't signal folks and tell them we're still here?" Sammy asks with a frown. 

"Great. Try to spend a little time being normal kids, and it still ends up biting us in the butts." Kenji scoots forward as he complains, preparing to leave the ledge all together. 

"I…" He sighs. "I just wanted 24 hours where we didn't have to think about dinosaurs, or being left behind, or, or…or Ben." 

At the mention of Ben, everyone exchanges sorrowful gazes. Your eyes fall down to your shoes, burning holes into the dirty midsole. 

"It was nice while it lasted." Sammy mutters. 

"Hey, we can't give up now. I know it seems hopeless, but there's always an answer." Darius assures. "We just have to get out of our own heads to see it." 

Darius and you share a knowing glance, before the sound of stomping draws your guy’s attention. 

"Kenji," Darius calls. "Were there any more walkies in the gift shop?" 

"Uh, yeah–yeah. There were a bunch of them." Kenji nods.

"Good, I think I've got an idea." Darius says with a determined smile. 

And with that, a plan is set into motion.

You, Darius, Kenji, Brooklynn, and Yasmina huddle behind the ledge. Brooklynn and Yasmina look over the ledge when stomping from the T. Rex starts dispersing. 

"Heading your way, Sammy." Yasmina speaks into her dinosaur walkie-talkie. 

A little after the carnivore disappears into the foliage of the forest, Sammy responds from the walkie-talkie. 

"Listen up. She just passed by." The cowgirl's voice is quiet. "Coast is clear. Go for it!" 

Once you get the go, Kenji clips his walkie-talkie onto the strap of his pants. Darius, Kenji, and you climb over the ledge, carefully making your way down the wall.

Kenji easily lands with a quiet 'thump', as do you. Darius however, hangs from a pipe with his legs dangling in the air due to his shorter stature. Kenji makes quick work at grabbing the boy's shirt and pulling him to the ground with a harsher 'thump'. 

Looking up at the girls above, you can just barely make out their disapproving gazes. But the three of you ignore them in favor of making your way into the T. Rex's paddock. 

"I hate this." Kenji huffs, causing you to roll your eyes.

Darius runs over to the nest with you following closely behind, though Kenji lingers due to his complaining. 

"Ugh, I hate this." He repeats himself. 

Darius climbs up the pile with a grunt, grabbing hold of any piece of wood that sticks out. One of those pieces happens to be loose, and the boy loses his footing for a few seconds. You quickly grab hold of his flailing hand and pull him towards you, giving him balance as he regains his footing.

"Thanks." He sighs in relief. 

You look down when Kenji yelps, watching as he just barely avoids grabbing hold of some dung. He quickly grabs the walkie-talkie from his pants and talks into it.

"Next time, I'm straining my ankle and I'm staying behind." He whispers angrily.

"You wouldn't be able to handle it." Yasmina responds through the device.

You and Darius ignore Kenji's complaints and continue searching the pile, before the dino-nerd points a finger above you. 

"There!" 

You spare a glance down at Kenji, who falls almost face first into the pile when a plank of wood crumbles under his weight. 

You pull yourself upwards, grimacing at the smell of the nest as you help Darius up. You just barely avoid falling backwards when Kenji grabs your ankle to help himself up. You glare at him when he gets to the same level as you, but he either doesn't notice, or ignores it.

Darius pushes some stray debris off the metal tree, revealing the beacon sitting inside the tree like a battery to a remote. The three of you immediately try to pull it out of its place inside the artificial tree, but even with six hands, it doesn't budge at all.

"The T. Rex must’ve damaged the housing. I can't get it out." Kenji grunts, still trying to pull the beacon out to no avail. 

"We don't need to get it out. We just have to activate it." Darius grabs the beacon, before turning to you and Kenji. "Help me get this open." 

You and Kenji look around the pile, before you spot a jaw bone perfect for wedging the beacon out. You grab hold of it, Kenji shuddering beside you. You force it into the small space of the hatch, pushing down on the jaw bone. 

Darius and Kenji join you soon after you've got the wedge secured between the sliver of an opening on the beacon, the three of you pulling the bone downwards with all your might.

"Come on! Open already!" Darius grunts, placing a hand on the tree to help open the beacon up. 

A click resounds, and the three of you fly backwards as the hatch finally opens. A yelp escapes from you as your left hand scrapes against some of the debris, the cuts that had previously been scabbed over reopening. 

"Ow!" Kenji shouts, Darius merely groaning as his hands grab hold of a piece of wood. 

Once you all regain your footing, Darius lets out a cheerful laugh at the sight of the open beacon. Although his happiness doesn't last long as distant stomps make their way into your trio's ears. 

The three of you gasp, heads snapping to the entrance of the paddock as the stomps get closer and closer. Your little group huddles together, hiding behind any debris you can find in the slight chance that you'll evade the T. Rex. 

Kenji holds a large leaf over his head, squeezing his eyes shut with a whimper. The leaf he's holding only slightly covers you, and doesn't cover Darius at all, so you pull the younger boy toward you forcefully. His shoulder meets yours, and you reluctantly shuffle closer to Kenji as the stomps make their way into the paddock. 

You're holding your breath at this point, eyes squeezed shut as you wonder why none of the girls warned you of the incoming danger. At least, until a familiar voice rings out across Main Street. 

"What's up, Brooklanders?" 

It's Brooklynn’s usual video greeting, though it's much louder than normal, as if it's being played on a speaker of some kind. 

The stomping starts up again, but this time it goes in the opposite direction. There's a guttural roar, and your trio takes that as a sign to finish what you all come to do. Darius hurriedly climbs up the nest again, stumbling because of his quick movements. 

The boy grunts as he pulls himself at level with the beacon, flicking the small switch towards the green wave symbol. The small screen on the device lights up, showing that the signal's been sent. Darius lets out a disbelieving laugh, before you grab hold of his wrist and pull him off the nest. 

"We've got to go." You remind him, saving the congratulations for when the three of you are in a safe place. 

Running to the exit of the paddock, Sammy appears from the corner, a relieved sigh leaving her lips at the sight of you all. Still sitting on the ledge from earlier, Yasmina stares down at the four of you in concern.

"We activated the beacon! The SOS signal went out!" Darius yells at her, wasting no time in running out of the sectioned off area once Yasmina gets the message.

You all group up once again, quickly leaving Main Street after filling some bags with items from any intact shops. Despite the ringing in your ears from the T. Rex's roars, you can't help but laugh at your success. Or, well, your group's success. 

"We're gonna be saved!" 

"We did it!" 

"Yeah!" 

"Whoohoo!" 

"Yes!"

"Yeehaw! That's what I'm talkin' about!"

There are screams of celebration all around, your group only calming down when Darius apologizes to Brooklynn.

"Sorry you had to give up your camera." Darius smiles.

"Eh, it was old and junky anyhow." She snickers. "My followers deserve way better picture quality than that."

"Where to now, Darius? We obviously can't go back to Main Street." Sammy shrugs, a white bag hanging from her arm.

"Now we have to find a place to hole up until help arrives." Darius stands up, gathering attention from your group. "And rescue will be coming. We just gotta stay alive until they do." 

If only it was that easy. But, this is better than surviving with no guarantee that rescue is coming. Soon, you'd finally be able to go home. The very thought makes your shoulder drop in relief. 

You just wish that Ben was here to feel that same solace.