#like maybe the giving sanctuary sequel

[avelera]

Plot bunny idea but… what if Hob has an identity crisis after he and Dream have dated more than 30 years?

Like his relationships have always had an expiration date when he has to fake his death and leave or otherwise abandon the other person. Maybe there were a few exceptions where he stays with someone who “knows” until they get old but even then the relationship changes, inevitably.

He’s never been with someone as unchanging as him.

Would it be a little terrifying? A lot terrifying? It’s as close to “actually grow old with someone” as he can get, with the whole “not growing old at all” thing. They’re aging at the same pace, something he’s not even had to think about as an option in almost 700 years.

Suddenly it’s not about making the most of your brief time together, it’s a marathon not a sprint. It’s continuing to be interesting. It’s accepting the change in someone else when it’s a much slower to near nonexistent change and it’s not defined by aging the way the others were.

Even if Hob is resilient and bounces back quickly or even sees this as a good thing, an amazing thing, that’s gotta hit hard at some point, right?

Edit: I should add, what if it’s not just being with the same person, it’s being the same person with that person? Like, every 10-30 years, Hob becomes a new person by necessity, one would assume (this is admittedly somewhat more fanon than canon but it follows logically that any immortal with a day job would have to switch it up from time to time to stay under the radar).

On the one hand, I’m the first to say that Hob is probably overjoyed to be with someone who knows who he is and who has constantly known who he is through all his eras and personalities.

But even then, those were for very brief meetings.

Does Hob have an identity crisis when he’s Hob and he’s still Hob with Dream 30 years later? When he can’t escape from himself, when the joy of having that one person with whom he can always be himself, his literal self without lying about his age or accomplishments or failures, is great and wonderful but also really uncanny valley strange for him all of a sudden? He could always escape his old baggage, except at the centennial meetings but those were so brief. (Heh, get it, brief lives oh no…)

Hob hasn’t had to deal with someone knowing his embarrassing childhood memories in over 600 years. It’s great but also must be so weird to have a partner who knew you back when and back when is the 1380s. No one alive knows he was called Hobsie once except Dream. There is no escaping the Hobsie allegations the way he once could in a few decades minus the occasional centennial meeting. It’s great but it must be so weird.

[marknee]

bts fanfics i think shakespeare and queen elizabeth i would’ve gossiped about.

chapter ii. ✷ chapter iv.

KEYS ON SEVERITY OF SHAKESPEARE’S STATE:

( ✮ ) — you can’t lie, shakespeare’s got a mouth on him.

( ♬ ) — they’ve ordered everyone out the room. peering through the window as we speak.

( ✎ ) — someone tell him to put that poor teacup down.

( ♛ ) — her majesty royally gasped. she’s clutching her pearls, bless her.

THE SHAKESPEARE SERIES.

WARNING: keep in mind, some of these authors are very strict on the rule that no minors should read their work if they’re underage, and i will honour that. but, at the end of the day, i am not your parent. so, there’s that. but heed my warning wisely. any smut or 18+ content is highlighted in bold.

NOTE: we’re on part three already? damn, times flies. if you’re new here, welcome to the shakespeare series where i write essays about fics that would absolutely annihilate shakespeare — hence the name. if you haven’t read the past two chapters, you can access them in the masterlist above! let’s get into it.

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( ♛ ) MATILDA — by @babystrcandy

!! yoongi x reader | 141.8k !!

brothers best friend au, angst, fluff, eventual smut.

my therapist would absolutely adore this fanfic. maybe i should recommend it to her. or just send her the link. she’d be thrilled.

this series is dedicated to anyone who felt like the second choice, the one always forgotten about, the so-called disappointment, the people pleaser, the perfectionist, the one whose family has let them down over and over again.

reading this, alike reading anything else, transports you to another world. however, the difference between this one and all others, is this makes you feel safe. secure. a safe place. a sanctuary you never realised even existed, where you feel accepted and loved. it takes the idea of home and really drills it in.

if you find yourself relating to this story, like i did, i want to you to know i see you and i truly hope one day you find everything you were deprived of growing up. you deserve peace. you deserve love.

while you’re at it, go give this author some love for seeing us, listening to us, and validating our experiences. and for writing such a beautiful story.

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( ♬ ) DILF JK — by @venusiangguk

!! jungkook x reader | 85.5k !!

strangers to lovers, dad!jk, friends with benefits, smut (18+), fluff.

if some army’s weren’t such delulu’s and so consumed by the imaginary idea that they’ll one day marry a bts member and live happily ever after, this is the type of shit we’d actually get. but no, we’re forever plagued by fiction because of a few overly obsessed wankers.

rant aside, dilf!jk is a concept. one that needs to be studied and researched for my own personal needs. because i thought dilf!namjoon was dangerous (and he most certainly is), but dilf!jk is a whole other… thing? being? story? i’ll leave that to the researchers.

personally, i love when authors mould fiction and reality into one body. they blend the two concepts together to create something beautiful, and this was duly noted within the topic of the age gap. deciding on something real for the benefit of both parties in a fictional story is so fucking applaudable. or perhaps i’m just an angsty fucker, sorry.

most definitely worth all the tissues and all the cheek aching. talking from experience.

i mean, it’s got ‘dilf’ in the title, is that not enough? it’s what made me click, anyways. i’m a dilf lover through and through.

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( ♬ ) A SERPENT’S FLOWER — by @jimlingss & @dovechim

!! jimin x reader | 34.2k !!

fluff, smut (18+), lil angst, hogwarts!au.

realistically, you knew at some point in this series there would be a harry potter!au thrown in somewhere, didn’t you? i mean, come on now. and i’m so happy this is the first one.

this two-parter and it’s sequel both are both due the respect they deserve. the perfect opposites attract trope? enemies to lovers? with a quick-witted slytherin reader and an even wittier hufflepuff park jimin? fuck me, don’t mind if i do.

i never say a fanfic has everything. but this fanfic has everything. character, romance, humour, angst, wit, the list goes on. it’s a fanfic buffet: it’s got it all, and you just help yourself.

and i realise some people don’t read the sequels to fanfics (i know), but i beg of you. read the sequel too. if anything, i think the sequel was my favourite bit. and i know some people don’t like the pregnancy trope, but i’m telling you there definitely is a time and place for it. and this is the time! and the place! trust me.

did i cry at the end of this fic? i can’t remember. but the probability is higher than i’d like it to be.

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( ✮ ) ZERO GRAVITY — by @luxekook

!! namjoon x hoseok x reader | 11k !!

space!au, poly!au, angst, smut (18+), crack, fluff.

if someone doesn’t drop me on a spaceship with two of the hottest men on the planet in the next fortnight, i’m suing. don’t know who that’ll be yet, but some poor sod will have his hands full, that’s for certain.

i love space!au fics with my whole heart and ass. honestly, every time one comes up on my page, i have to save it. it’s a reflex at this point, they’re just too good. you know what is also too good? the built up tension within this fic. jaw-dropping.

i’m not giving out any spoilers, but the author really said, bonk— here is the nastiest smut you’ve ever read in your life. take it, or get fucked. and of course, i took it. but nothing really prepares you for that atmosphere change. not even the sex club was remotely ready. and it’s a sex club.

not going to lie, before writing this essay, i actually went back and read it again, just to make sure i was in the right mind the first time i read it. and yep, sure was. it’s just shocking how insane this fic is.

btw, anyone fancy a visit to throbbing disco sticks? i need a word with the person who came up with the name. and perhaps a kiss too.

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( ✎ ) NO CHOICE (NEXT TO YOU) — by @gukyi

!! yoongi x reader | 13k !!

college!au, frat boy!au, neighbour!au, enemies to lovers.

miscommunication. my lover in fanfics, my worst enemy in real life. hence why i love this fic so much. because it’s not real life. (unfortunately).

we’ve all done that thing where we’ve accidentally eavesdropped onto something we shouldn’t of and one thing leads to another and boom, you find yourself misreading the whole situation. and you’re lying if you say you haven’t.

well, that’s this fic for you. times a thousand. honestly, enemies to lovers fics never do me wrong. they’re always a joy to read — the thrill and the very, very prominent sexual tension keeps you excited, waiting on the edge of your seat to see how everything plans out.

my point? this fic never bores you out. read it a thousand times and it still feels like the first. and not a lot of fanfics have that power, i’ll tell you that. a few, yes. but not a lot.

don’t take reading this for the first time for granted. wish i had that privilege. jealous.

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( ✎ ) THE PRINCE’S CINDERELLA SYNDROME — by @jimilter

!! jimin x reader | 39.4k !!

cursed!jimin, supernatural!au, strangers to lovers!au angst, smut, fluff.

this fic altered my brain chemistry permanently. there’s no going back. i’m officially ruined, you guys. i don’t even know who i was before i read this. it was just- bang, clean slate.

to begin with, i thought ‘this bitch saw him twice and her knees buckled. what the fuck.’ but then i realised that bitch is me, and the so-called him is referring to thee park jimin, so really. i got it. who wouldn’t absolutely power move it after seeing such a sight? i might just jog a little. sprint on a good day.

i would happily write a five thousand word essay for you on how fucking good this plot slash idea was, and an additional ten thousand on how sad, but i don’t think my fingers— nor my mental state would be able to go through that. not again. please.

but as i mentioned in the last fic above, do not take reading this for the first time for granted. however, only because you will lose all rationality.

shakespeare most definitely plagiarised this fic. he wrote it down and her majesty knows. that’s why he looked so proud of himself at tea. the sneaky fucker. just he wait until i tell @jimilter.

sobbing. again. or is this the fourth time?

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( ✎ ) ALWAYS IN MY DREAMS — by @kookskingdom

!! namjoon x reader | 15.4k !!

soulmates!au, fluff, angst, minor character death.

i mean, i already sleep too fucking much. only being able to meet my soulmate through my dreams would just make me comatose. you’d never hear from me. ever.

and yes, you saw the tag. it’s another soulmate!au because everyone knows how much nini loves her hopeless romance. but! who doesn’t. they’re too good to scroll past. so when i finally read this, i knew it was going in the series.

the unknown certainty between the pair of when their next encounter would be with each other, causing them to cherish every single second, that. that’s what i want please. someone who drinks up my existence knowing we will soon part from each other. i cannot.

i love, love, love the concept of soulmates, fate, destiny, whatever. the whole shabang. i bathe in it. so, of course, this fic was a big hit with me. and if that too is your thing, and you love the idea of two souls being intwined inside and out, this is your golden ticket.

@kookskingdom is mentioned in this chapter twice. but can you blame me? you find a ticket to the chocolate factory, of course you’re going to hold onto it as tightly as possible.

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( ✮ ) VOICEMAIL — by @joonary

!! seokjin x reader | 7k !!

fluff, humour, friends to lovers, college podcast!au.

you know those dramas where both the two main characters are so completely smitten with each other to the point you’re practically screaming at your screen for them to “just kiss already!” but won’t because they’re hopelessly oblivious, even though everyone is telling them how in love they both are? yeah, that’s this fic. in a nutshell.

though in their defence, i feel i would definitely do the same. but still, does it stop me from getting frustrated with them? no. i was absolutely raging.

this cute story was so, so sweet i was practically clutching the phone for an emergency appointment to the dentist. my teeth were rotting with all the added sugar, like hello? my teeth? but just like chocolate is, it’s addicting. and you can’t stop yourself.

perhaps i’m just a sucker for friends to lovers fics, but this one particularly caught my attention. it’s 5k of pure infuriation, and 2k of fluff.

but so worth the impatience.

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( ♬ ) FALL IN HATRED — by @jimlingss

!! seokjin x reader | 20k !!

divorce!au, angst, fluff, smut (18+), marriage!au.

first bullet point is just the thought of fuck me, ‘cause where do i start with this?

separation — in some ways — is the easy way out. you just get up and leave. walk out, whatever. boom, just like that. but the emotional repercussions are what make it so distressing. making that daunting decision to leave something— someone in our past, may be one of the hardest things we humans ever have to do.

this fic goes through the rough battle of what it means to be committed to a person. the battles of finally giving up on someone you once thought the world of. and honestly? that may be my worst fear. for someone to love me so deeply, and then lose that over time to see me as nothing more than an inconvenience of their past.

never been through divorce. hopefully you, nor i, will ever have to. but after reading this, i don’t think we have to experience it.

this amazing, yet painfully angsty fic does it for us. and a fucking incredible ending.

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( ♛ ) THE ROAD TO RADIANT — by @kookskingdom

!! jungkook x reader | 25.9k !!

gamer!au, streamer!au, fluff, angst, smut, rivals to friends to lovers!au.

this got a crown on the shakespeare state chart purely for the fact i have never played valorant in my life, and single-handedly managed to impress my friends — who are obsessed with said game — about my newfound knowledge of gaming, purely from this fic alone. felt like a fucking genius.

i was going to add this to part four, but i genuinely had to swap some fics around to put this baby in. i found space for her, so she’s here. and deservedly so. why wait?

this fic does a very good job of highlighting the deep misogyny and sexism that runs within the gaming community towards women. like, can women not be good at gaming too? do people really believe gaming is purely a man thing? is this really the society we live in? yikes.

and if you do happen to read this fic and reach that argument scene with jungkook, please let me know. i want you to know i, too, was absolutely fuming. phones were thrown. naughty words were said. angry voice messages to said best friend were recorded.

final special mention for the smut scene. had me sweating like a sinner in church. lord have mercy.

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( ♬ ) BRASS AND STRINGS — by @jimlingss

!! namjoon x reader | 113.7k !!

slice of life!au, fluff, slow burn, college!au, music!au.

take a shot every time this author is mentioned within this series. you’ll end up blackout pissed. it’s a shame they left this platform, but i hope they’re doing well. their fics have really left an impact on me. and i’ll forever be grateful.

ah, yes. the cheesy clichéd trope of the mean girl and the nerd. a mix of two completely different personalities and flavours that supposedly fit together like two broken pieces of a puzzle. the very foundation of a 2000’s romcom. an iconic pairing that has been hammered into us by the media since day one.

it’s the opposites attract that lured me in initially, but it’s the character development throughout the story that nestled itself into my heart, and got me to stay. this fic holds dear to me still.

i have gatekept this fic long enough, and i am trusting you to bear it with love and extreme care. like you’re holding a small, fragile baby in your arms. do not let me down. please.

one more thing, don’t share this with shakespeare. every time he’s brought it up, i’ve told him it was a really weird dream and he’s only just started to believe me. yes, i feel shit about it, but it has to be done. the man’s a menace.

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( ✮ ) TANGLED WEBS — by @ughseoks

!! jungkook x reader | 14.1k !!

spiderman!au, soulmate!au (yup), angst, fluff.

if any of you say a word about the second tag, i will fight. i will never stop recommending them. me and the soulmates!au are soulmates. irony at its finest.

i genuinely wish spidey!jk was a real adaptation. because even though andrew is my favourite spiderman, i fear there is a large difference between the pair that separates them. andrew can play peter parker. jungkook can (re: could) play peter parker. but could andrew play jungkook? no.

in this fic, the whole characterisation of both jungkook as spiderman and the soulmate!reader is so well written. you can perfectly picture jungkook being that awkward high school boy by day, and secret superhero vigilante by night. i mean, fuck me. how is he not knackered all the time?

mixing in that final zest of soulmates!au everyone (re: me) loves, you’ve got yourself a hell of a plot line.

romeo and juliet were not soulmates, shakespeare. they were children. why aren’t you taking notes? stop talking to the queen. she’s tired of all your bullshit. and so are we.

© marknee, 2023. all rights reserved.

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[imanes]

doing a lil august reading wrap up because apparently i read 13 (!!) books. in chronological order (bolded are those i recommend):

city of stairs by robert jackson bennett: quite the interesting read. i think the character work in this one is a standout, as well as the world building. the good thing is i have no idea where this trilogy is going so it's exciting. the audiobook for the second book arrives in 2 weeks on my shelves on libby so I'll be reading the sequel soon

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer: this one took me a whole entire year to read and finish lol. no comment. or maybe one comment: i think i'd have found this book a lot more eye opening if i had read it three years ago so right book wrong time i guess? i do recommend it i just think it didn't impact me as much as i thought it would

the blighted worlds by megan e. o'keefe: this one hit me like a truck!! i was so obsessed. it's a sci-fi space opera with an element of horror and an interesting romance sub-plot. basically everything i love lmao. i really do recommend this book it might actually be my fave of the month

sanctuary by ilona andrews: i have to stay up to date on all things kate daniels-related to this spin off was high on my tbr. it was a lot of fun but it petered out toward the end

where the dark stands still by a.b. poranek: a bit of a let down not gonna lie. the gist of my opinion is that it felt underdeveloped and in turn i felt under-interested in whatever was going on

shadows of self by brandon sanderson: once again i am begging the protagonists of this series to stop being aggravating

the fractured dark by megan e. o'keefe: continuing my obsession with the devoured worlds trilogy... unfortunately i have to wait on my libby hold to get the audiobook of the next one (i read with my eyeballs and listen at the same time to help with concentration)

the right to sex - feminism in the 21st century by amia srinivasan: i read this book because i know of two people who broke up with their significant other (one of them resulting in a divorce) after reading this book so i had to know what srinivasan had cooked in there and yeah she did cook.

the way of kings by brandon sanderson: just part of my re-read in preparation of the release of wind and truth in December. this month we tackle (again) words of radiance teehee

just for the summer by abby jimenez: womp womp womp. idk what it is with romance authors these days they're in a competition with themselves to portray the healthiest love stories but this one teetered on the wrong side of boring one too many times and the volume to therapy-speech in this one was staggering.

the ex vows by joyce jessica: twas a cute poolside read, it's nothing revolutionary but it was pleasant enough and it didn't make me roll my eyes like just for the summer jdkjgsk at least the love interest had a personality and a life... i mean it's fiction so it's not a life but it appeared as if he contained multitudes or something

funny story by emily henry: I'll go ahead and say it nobody writes a contemporary romance quite like miss henry because she's got the secret recipe for the right balance between heartfelt feelings and amusing situations + her dialogues feel a lot more natural than most (though if i had to nitpick she always has this side character who's a fountain of wisdom and gives you life-changing monologues but i guess such people exist out there)

the thief by megan whalen turner: the megans are really out in full force because this is another book written by a megan that i loved so much. yes half of this book is a fairly episodic journey across made-up countries, yes i ate it up, yes the second half is worth the wait (if you were out of patience, which i wasn't, bc i was having fun) and yes the plot twists are chef's kiss. "gen's ambitions are his own" is the perfect summary. everand has all the audiobooks so you know what I'm gonna do... that's right... listen and read at the same time

as an aside the tandem reads i do with both books and audiobooks happen only when i like the narrators. if i find a narrator i like i stick to them like glue because they're few and far between as far as my picky ass is concerned. i never do romance audiobooks they're the worst...

[zafirosreverie]

A virgin's pray's plans, part 2:

This would have been like a "sequel" or part 2 of the fic.

note: this fic was planned waaaay before Multiverse of madness, so keep that in mind

You decide not to go with Agatha to Westview, knowing that if anything goes wrong, your bond would call you and you'd be there in a matter of minutes.

But you didn't count on Wanda's power and neither did Agatha. It took you both by surprise.

By the time you get to Westview, Wanda had already absorbed Agatha's powers and was locking her away as Agnes.

You both freeze as you feel the bond between you fade away, seconds later, she is Agnes.

Wanda walks away and Agnes returns home, leaving you alone.

Agatha laments in her mind, for she has lost her powers, her freedom, and the love of her life.

You try to do something, but your magic is too weak and only responds to a magic that no longer belongs to the woman in front of you.

As Wanda begins training to get her children back, the bond calls to you and you realize with horror, that by taking Agatha's magic, Wanda took the bond as well, so now you are HER virgin.

So you appear next to her, which confuses her. You explain everything to her.

You tell her that you are only her virgin by status, but your heart will always be Agatha's and you will never love her.

The redhead is not affected by this, because she doesn't even know you to begin with. And she doesn't need you to love her, as long as Agatha is locked away and she gets her children back, everything is fine.

You begin to help her with her spells, because the bond requires it and the redhead appreciates the company.

There are times when you think you could be friends, but then you remember Agatha, feeling a corrupted bond where there was only love before, and it passes.

More than once you beg Wanda to free her, promising to keep her at bay, but the woman never agrees.

Over time, Strange contacts Wanda and you both move into the sanctuary.

Wong finds himself fascinated with you, having read about virgins in covens. And you realize how badly history misinterpreted it, by saying that witches sacrificed them.

You spend time with Wong in the library, after your attempt to get Strange to help Agatha failed.

“If I free her, it will cause a negative reaction in Wanda, which could be dangerous. We’ve come a long way, I won’t throw that away for your ex-girlfriend” he says.

“She’s my wife, and I still love her,” you reply and leave.

You don’t talk to anyone for days, feeling like something is missing. Your soul screams but no one answers.

And there’s a problem with Wanda’s magic. You can help her, yes, but as time goes by, you realize that magic no longer obeys her and it’s because chaos magic can’t be purified.

And your help soon becomes a danger.

You try to convince Wanda to let you go, because the bond is becoming more and more corrupted and your magic is trying to get back to Agatha.

But the redhead investigates more and more. And wrongly, she and Strange conclude that in order for her to have more control, she needs to make you fall in love with her.

When Wanda starts to become kinder and sweeter, you are horrified to recognize the signs of courtship.

You try to tell them it doesn't work like that, that a virgin can only give her gift once, and you've already given it.

But they don't listen, and say that even if you can't purify her magic, it will help her control it better.

Plus, Wanda has already started to develop feelings for you. But all you want is your wife back.

One night, while you're trying to sleep, you feel something calling to you. You've been having a vaguely familiar feeling in your chest for days, but tonight it's stronger.

You concentrate and realize that, faintly, yes, but Agatha is calling to you.

That gives you hope that, maybe, there's still something to do. The next day you go to the library, in case there's something you DIDN'T know about virgins, and you find that it's magic that seals everything. And yours is sealed with Agatha's, because she's the person you chose.

So there's a chance you can reconnect with her.

Agatha has already weakened Wanda's spell, with the part of you that lives in her.

You search for a spell that can finish breaking it, and prepare to escape.

You wait for the night to do so, knowing that the moment she wakes, Wanda can sense you're gone, and you don't know if you'll be strong enough to fight the call of the corrupted bond.

You barely make it and ring Agnes's doorbell.

The woman doesn't seem to recognize you, but then, a spark of purple flashes across Agatha's eyes like the night she asked for your permission to court you, the night your soul chose hers.

You feel the bond calling to you louder, which means Wanda is close and furious.

You use the little magic you have left to free Agatha and kiss her. This is the second chance, the second time your soul chooses Agatha's and the wave of power that runs through the witch feels like the first kiss you shared more than 300 years ago.

Wanda arrives shortly after you part and feels betrayed to see you with her.

You try to calm her down and ask her to let you go again. She doesn't even have to give Agatha her magic back, she just has to let you two go.

But the redhead doesn't listen and launches a powerful attack on Agatha, saying that she is the one who truly deserves you.

You then remember the box of hearts that you still have at home and the necklace, where you keep the flower, still alive, that Agatha gave you the night you finally accepted her.

Gathering the last drop of magic in your blood, you call upon the power of hearts for the second time.

Just as Wanda attacks Agatha, they respond, and the moment the blow lands, just like in the trial, Agatha manages to absorb everything.

The brunette gets up and begins to absorb the power of chaos, using the bond that is slowly being purified, as it is uniting the right people again.

But you remember Wanda's fight to get her children back and you stop your wife.

You ask her not to be like her and let her be happy.

Agatha thinks about it for a moment, before sighing and accepting.

You take away only a fraction of power, enough to ensure that Agatha will remain superior in dueling, but leaving enough for Wanda to continue the search for her children.

The redhead looks at you with sadness and pleading and you approach her to tell her that in some other life, perhaps, you could have been good friends. But no matter how many universes and realities may exist, you will always be Agatha's.

The brunette and you leave her there and return home. Hearts are useless now, but they are a nice reminder that they would do anything for each other.

“Don’t you believe in love, Miss Y/L/N?” she asks, remembering their conversation from when you were young.

You smile. “There have only been a pair eyes that tried to teach me” you say.

“Would you let someone else try?…Would you let me try?”

“It would be an honor to be courted by you, Miss Harkness.”

[readreactrant]

"Love, or Something Ignites" might just be the best goyuu fic ever!!! let me explain!!! (Thoughts and Review)

Some quick context but cuz this review was already going to be pretty long without my flashback sequence so pls scroll down to the red text if you don't want to hear my history of opinions with JJK and its ships.

I've been deep in the goyuu tag since the beginning of the year, which I found kind of strange at first since I watched S1 way back in 2022 and did not give much of af about the whole show.

I kicked my feet a bit at SukuFushi,  tried to like it more, and even searched out a couple of fics but they just weren't giving AT ALL.

At the start of 2023 I watched jjk 0 and I was kinda hyped to get back into the show, but my shipping heart still ached for something to latch onto so I went on AO3 and picked up the first fic I found. Surprise, surprise, it was a goyuu fic featuring role reversal. I wouldn't say I liked it but it did tickle something in my brain I would have explored if I wasn't neck deep in my bakudeku era at the time.

Then S2 happened and it all just sorta clicked for me. Before then I'd mainly been a SukuIta believer, I didn't frequent their fics but I DID gobble up their twincest doujins like I was starved when I had the time. 2nd cour of S2 coming out practically sealed Goyuu for me, I'd always felt there was a bit of something I saw between them but Yuuji screaming out for Gojo in that last frame...just...*chef's kiss*

I didn't go back to rewatch S1 where a majority of their reactions were like some diehard fans would but the clips and screencaps I've come across now and again are enough to solidify for me that yes! They are made for each other!! (Hope the wrong stsg fans don't find this ◉‿◉)

I'd really love to go on and on about their dynamic but this was supposed to be about my February fic of the month, "Love, or Something Ignites" by lainebee.

Like I said, I've been deep in the tags and the only others I think that come close to this one are "No Sanctuary" by eddie01 and both world's sequels.

Now I'm not saying there aren't other good ones, like I'm just halfway through the hundred and something AO3 pages of their ship tag, so there's a lot I've yet to see. Still, this is a sorta subjective review and I just hope to spread the word of this masterpiece and maybe meet others who've read it so we can fan together in the comments.

(Now that's all out of the way, there will be mild spoilers and also warnings for; omegaverse, mpreg, and voyeurism so let's hop to it (✿^‿^)

The fic is set in a historical Japan au where Yuuji and Sukuna are brothers, with Sukuna being much older and ruling over a kingdom in the south. Thing is, he's constantly at war with the Gojo clan cuz these two mfs are just built like that in every verse. Shit happens and they come to a truce and as a sign of goodwill Sukuna offers Yuuji, his recently presented omega brother, as a gift (I honestly thought Yuuji was like 16 or 17 but he's 19 so like whatever idc (╥﹏╥)

"So what's the problem?" you might ask, well aside from the obvious marriage of convenience plot, Gojo doesn't give a fuck, he's still hung up on Geto (kinda tho, it's complicated but they aren't in love) and he's pretty much intended to go through it for show.

But that's not the end; not only do our boys have no feelings for each other and have never even met, but THING IS... Sukuna has demanded a public consummation cuz he's a bastard like that and we love him for it. Worry not there's no fucking on a stage for everyone to watch...just fucking in a 'room' for a handful of witnesses to watch from behind those dresser screen things (vocab not working lol).

The fic is definitely kinda long and tho there are some slow-burn vibes a lot of it essentially takes place in ONE FUCKING DAY. My first assumptions going into this were, "pacing issues???" and "oh the author is going to either insta love them, make them fuck and spend the rest of the fic doing fluff, or they will fuck with some angst then spend the rest falling in love."

Color me surprised when yeah, they did fuck but that was one or two chapters from the last of about nine.

You expect this kind of shit to feel rushed as fuck but the writing is so fucking divine that you never feel like putting it down. There's always so much going on but time is never wasted dwelling on one subject for too long, it's fast, it's funny, and the characters and setting are constantly giving the energy you know and love from the original show but probably two times better.

One of the things I noticed a few GoYuu writers struggle with is accurately reflecting Gojo cuz he's actually an enigma and arguably one of the most complex characters in the show with a broad range of emotions. He doesn't particularly fit one kind of vibe whereas for everyone else you can pick one or something close to it. Gojo on the other hand goes from one end of the spectrum to the other pretty quickly and that's super hard to capture and explore, especially when it comes to the shorter smutty fics (Not complaining too much tho, I live for the E rating.)

I love the direction the author chose to go with him, and it feels so true to his character, his immature but his teasing doesn't feel over the top or come off as exaggerated. His status as the strongest is just told but shown to us with the way he behaves and I like that we get instances of him getting work done despite knowing he's a rebel. It reminds us that yeah, he's working to make the clan the way he wants but he's just going along with what he has to in true Gojo fashion.

Yuuji, is totally something else, it's implied that he actually killed people...and I don't think we got a paragraph of him feeling guilt over it but that's somewhere toward the end so forget it. Yuuji is the absolute sweetest here and I adore every scene he's in along with how bratty he tends to be with Gojo. It's not frequent and most of the time he's pretty respectful but when he's not...Yeah. His inner thoughts and his conversations with most of the other characters really bring life to the story and you literally feel you're right there with him through it all.

Then there's the smut...oh. my. fucking. GOD. It's absolutely delicious. If you were iffy about it being omegaverse, I beg you to actually consider it cuz all probably more than four thousand words of it are fucking precious.

I had no idea I'd be into sex with some commentary when I began reading but the conversation from the characters picked was spot on and even added to the spicyness.

My favorite part is when Yuuji moans like a fucking pornstar and the zenin guy (forgot his disgusting ass name) goes "The boy is a whore."

Like boohoo bitch just say you wish you were getting all that, I wish I was (╥﹏╥)

If you're still iffy about the Omegaverse trust me it's not that big of a deal, the focus is mainly on Gojo and Yuuji trying to find some mutual ground to get on so the consummation isn't fucking awkward but by talking, joking, and getting to know each other something even more starts to blossom.

There are definitely traces of insta love but I personally see it as a weird mixture of attraction and possessiveness but this book is just like the prelude to the main course which is the second part in the series which I'm not done with yet but fucking hell...all the intrigue and tension that you will find in Love, or Something Ignites, gets doubled with more angst and mystery in the second fic, along with goyuu being stupid as well as stupidly in love.

So give it a try, and if you have, let me know what you think. I'd usually say where the tiny flaws are but for this book there are none...unless you count Yuta being Maki's mate instead of Rika's but that's my personal hill to die on. Let me know if there's a fic you want me to write about and I'll maybe get to it

Well, that's all from me today, it's 3 am and I'm fucking exhausted.

[demeterdefence]

Thinking about your "Rachel bashing og greek myths" post, methinks she believed herself to be making greek culture a favor similarly to the author of The Phantom of Manhattan, the unofficial sequel to The Phantom of the Opera

In the preface, the author begins by saying that Phantom, unlike Frankenstein or Dracula, barely made a dent in world culture until Andrew Lloyd Webber came along to make the musical, which he considers the "true" version even tho like...it wouldn't exist without the novel! He bashes Gaston Leroux and basically states that his attempt at writing failed miserably and it's like DUDE, again, the musical and your problematic sequel wouldn't even exist without it, and just because it was bigger in France than in the usa it doesn't mean it had zero impact in culture

But of COURSE unless it's usa-approved then it doesn't count and isn't worth anything *sarcasm*

PHENOMENAL point, FANTASTIC point, absolutely true and correct

i can't be a total dick and say this is an issue solely created and implemented by rachel, because we've seen non-western cultures and religions absolutely whitewashed to hell and back - like, people have been drawing jesus of the bible as white for centuries when he was a middle eastern palestinian jewish man, and good god look what the west has done to the religions of india, china, and japan. but it's the way these kinds of stories drip with a sort of smugness in removing the original culture, in depicting it as backwards and broken.

rachel wants to claim she's making a feminist retelling, but the original myth was already feminist. ancient greece didn't pretend their society was not fiercely male dominated and patriarchal, and hades stealing persephone was absolutely in line with the traditional myths - the twist is that demeter wins. demeter punishes the male gods who stole her daughter, and the ferocity of her rage and grief forces hades and zeus to give in. if persephone hadn't eaten the pomegrante seeds, she wouldn't be in the underworld at all! this is a story that is so clearly a triumph for the mothers and daughters of ancient greece, of many worlds over, because it depicted explicitly that a mother's love was more powerful than even the gods. and rachel pisses all over that.

literally even going beyond that, looking at the society that is olympus and the underworld - all the technology they use, all the innovations they have. who exactly is making these??? where exactly is the material coming from??? you can handwave away most of the inventions by saying it's magic, but we've seen demeter talk about algebra, which was invented in the ninth century by a muslim scholar from persia. in speedrunning to this so called perfect modernized world, rachel actually erases the cultural offerings and developments of dozens of other ancient worlds, and kind of just gives the credit to the underworld, which is run by a slave driver.

persephone constantly bemoans the dullness of the mortal realm, and prefers to literally lounge around doing nothing, when the mortal realm is inventing the olympic games, the democratic forum, FOOTBALL. you have thousands of things to show the gods involved in - largely because the gods were the patrons!!! why do we never see zeus looking over the olympic games??? they happen in his sanctuary!!!

like the disdain rachel has for ancient greece is insane. she can't even bother to research the food typical of the time period, seeing as she writes persephone being looked down on for being vegetarian when vegetables were a key and staple diet of ancient greece. one could argue that a vast majority of ancient greece were vegetarian by general habit. she's baking cheesecake and french desserts and having fast food and carrot cake and maybe - maybe - she'll mention baklava. the ancient greeks are FAMOUS for their art, but we sure wouldn't know that from lore olympus. the only character who even references ancient greek music is apollo, with his lyre, and that's not exactly a ringing endorsement.

and this is not to say that an adaption has to follow the ancient text to a t - that's just not feasible and no one is expected to do so. but there's really something to how rachel does dismiss or ignore the canonical importance of so many of these stories to replace them with a western interpretation. even the therapy speak is grating. in episode 227, when persephone is talking about the concept of virginity, she's absolutely correct in pointing out how that's largely a social construct - but in light of the world she lives in and the world she helps control, the same idea could have been reached through means other than americanized psych talk.

so often, people will look back at the ancient world and think we are morally superior because we do not have the same views, or we have seemingly "developed." that is a view i abhor, because it removes the very act of learning and developing and understanding. rachel really talked big about how removing the incest of ancient greece made the story better, but incidentally, she managed to also take out the feminism, and literally the entire lgbt culture of ancient greece. apollo was even considered the patron of homosexuality! he was called to bless same-sex unions! zeus had DOZENS of male lovers; ares, hephestus, and hermes had known male relationships, and several of the ancient heroes and gods of greek mythology were described in terms we would refer to as transgender in modern times.

if rachel had gone "i'm writing a love story that's originally inspired by the myth of persephone and hades but it's very much modern and removed from the myths" that would be one thing, and i would not be bristling at that; myths have inspired countless stories over the centuries and will continue to do so for centuries to come. the problem is rachel wants to claim a rooting in these myths with zero understanding of how they work or why they work, and absolutely lets her contempt for the ancients shine through in every single aspect of her comic. it's gross and it's petty and she deserves none of the self-appointed "mythology expert" she's given herself.

[missparker]

20 questions for fic writers:

thanks for the tag, @idoltina!!

how many works do you have on ao3? 127

what's your total ao3 word count? 2,230,172. that feels like a lot. i’m like 26 years into this gig. 

what fandoms do you write for? the closer/major crimes, stargate sg1, and star trek: voyager are kind of the big three, but i dabble around. 

what are your top five fics by kudos? all i know is we said hello and your eyes looked like coming home - 1523 kudos where i’m going now, i don’t know - 1086 kudos the rise, fall, and rebirth of hermione granger - 1048 kudos the devil’s right there in the details - 1028 kudos here comes the rush before we touch - 940 kudos

do you respond to comments? why or why not? for a long time i wasn’t very good at it because the idea of that kind of interaction made me a little anxious, but once we made the leap to ao3, i feel like the mechanism for giving and receiving comments was overall better and now i at least try to respond to the majority. sometimes if someone is reading something and comments on every chapter, i’ll just respond to their final comment, but most likely if you leave me a comment i will (eventually) reply back.

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I would say either Sometimes So Sweet, Sometimes So Lonely which is the last part of the Beauty and Nothing More series which was… controversial. Well. I think people didn’t like it, but respected it, if that makes sense. OR Eighteen Again which is old and I think if I rewrote, I could do it better but I never will. Oh actually I’m wrong, it’s Deep City Lights. For sure, for sure.  

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? MAYBE These Hearts Adore? PERHAPS something else but mostly all you get is happy endings, I think. 

do you get hate on fics? no. which is so nice. thanks guys. 

do you write smut? if so, what kind? the gay kind mostly! i didn’t always but i do now, so you’ll find it in my more recent stuff. 

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written? I wrote a Sanctuary story that takes place in the Buffy universe, kind of. An alternate universe. (Just a Whisper in the Dark.) I wrote a Voyager story that kind of waded into TNG a little. (And Beneath That, A Rebel Heart.) I think those are as close as I ever got. 

have you ever had a fic stolen? i don’t think so? i’ve had lines lifted. you know where i’ve been going along reading a fic of someone who maybe isn’t a mutual but is in the circle and it starts feeling real familiar, but not the whole thing, to my knowledge. 

have you ever had a fic translated? yes, definitely. some people ask, some don’t.

have you ever co-written a fic before? yes, This Body’s Yours and This Body’s Mine was a co-write as was Hot as a Fever, Rattle of Bones. 

what's your all-time favorite ship? i mean, i’ve obvi kind of made brenda/sharon my life’s work or whatever, but for straight ships, gotta go janeway/paris. 

what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i have a sequel to Gone that i have 10k words written and i just got into a corner and never worked my way out, but sometimes perhaps. sure, it’s been sitting in my WIP folder since 2012 but YOU NEVER KNOW.

what are your writing strengths? characterization, and uh… vibes? pacing? 

what are your writing weaknesses? i never plot ahead. what’s going to happen next? you know as much as i do. 

first fandom you wrote for? x-files, in a three ring binder, in my childhood bedroom

favourite fic you've ever written? how dare you! probably giving up on greener grasses. 

ok tagging @grissomesque, @nandamai, @ylizam, @kyrafic, and @thiswillonlyhurtalittle

[ep2nd]

Odyssey's Sequel AU

Part 2

Now I did mention before how all the Emperors in Season 2 are related to Emperors in Season 1

Here's some unusual ones to clear things up

Lizzie, Mayor of Critter City: blessed by Lizzie, the Ocean Empress

- When someone is Blessed it means they are give power and immortality, to an extent. Es1!Lizzie gave Es2Lizzie cleverness, shape-shifting, height, no fear of water, and talents like building, writing, and leadership. Es2!Liz will live for a longer time than usual Felines and humans.

Joey, Pirate of the Eversea: Rebirth of Joey(same person but died, was born again, and lost memories), Emperor of the Lost Empire

- Rebirth is different from Reincarnation and Reborn, as will be stated again later. Rebirth is essentially the same character but given another body in a different time or dimension. Es2 Joey has the appearance and personality of Es1 Joey, but in a different time. When someone is Rebirth, they will not get the memories of their past life, UNLESS someone of great power gifts it to them, which is unlikely.

Katherine, Princess of Glimmer Grove: Descendent and chosen of Katherine, Chosen of the Overgrown

- Es2 Katherine is a descendent of Katherine(also Glimmer Grove was just built over the Overgrown). When Es1 Katherine Chose Es2 Katherine, she chose her as the next protector of the Overgrown, aka Glimmer Grove. This type of Chosen is different from False and Oli's because originally Es1 Katherine was chosen by the Overgrown, who was a previous Chosen, so she passed it down to Es2 Katherine. Her curse is simply from being Chosen by Es1 Katherine and living in the remains of the Overgrown. I might change the Chosen name later if anyone has a better name.

Sausage, Protector of Sanctuary: Reborn of Sausage(same person, didn't die, was granted a another chance after the Afterlife, eventually got his memories back), King of Mythland

- Reborn IS NOT Rebirth, two very different things. While Rebirth takes the character of the past person, Reborn takes the same character and places them into a different time or dimension. Yes, Reborn also loses their memories, but unlike Rebirth, they slowly get them back without the help of anyone, though the process can take decades of the person's life. Pearl sped it up by just giving the rest of the memories back.

Fwhip, Goblin King: Haunted by Fwhip, the Count(shares a mind with past Fwhip)

- Not that hard to explain, but I still will. Es1 died in the past, particularly in a cave, no we will not talk about how(maybe if you ask). His spirit refused to leave, same for Gem, she just was somewhere different, so Death and Life made a deal with him. So now Es1 Fwhip Haunts Es2 Fwhip now! Technically, they are different people, but Es1 Fwhip is like a dual consciousness for Es2 Fwhip, which is why they share many Ideals and likeness, such as liking explosions, gold, and messing/friending Jimmy. Es2 Fwhip became Jimmy's deputy mostly to aggravate Es1 Fwip. It was fun.

Now, for the two other people not in Es1: False and Oli being "Chosens"

- Remember how Aeor and Exor picked Champions? Kinda like that. They are given power and are blessed, and they have the voice/ghost of the person who chose em. Yes this means False usually has Pearl speaking to her and she's definitely not freaking out that she's haunted, okay? Yeah False gets extreme strength, endurance, and fighting power. Oli has a Xornoth and it's Xornoth who regrets their life decisions. He's annoying, loud, oblivious, and just Oli. Good luck to Xornoth. Oli does have powers, he's part Enderman in this too, but he's given a connection to the End, aka why the Ender Dragon Egg even hatched, has resistance to the Sculk and fire, and other powers.

[silverior968]

Sanctuary uniform design post 2/3 (scroll to the end for extra design notes)

[Image ID: A digital drawing of standard Irish Sanctuary uniforms on a grey background. To the left of the picture is a drawing of a younger version of Eachan Meritorious, a tall white man with green eyes and white-streaked ginger hair and stubble, standing with his arms behind his back. He is wearing a grey vest with silver buttons and embroidery in the shape of thistles, very light grey trousers and black boots with silver details. His vest is fastened with a black belt with silver embroidery, and on top of his vest he has a darker gray jacket with fancy silver shoulder decorations and light grey lapels with thistle embroidery. He also has a white lace collar. To his left is the text “Fancy, mostly ceremonial” pointed to his outfit and to his right the text “Grand Mage version”. Next to him is a younger version of Corrival Deuce, a middle-aged man with dark olive skin, fluffy brown hair and brown eyes. He has a mustache and stubble, a few moles and crow’s feet on his face. He is standing in a relaxed pose with his arms crossed. His hair is tied into a low ponytail with a light grey ribbon. He has a grey, thigh-length uniform jacket that is fastened with one similar belt to Meritorious’s around his waist and two crossing over his chest. He has similar fancy shoulder decorations on his jacket, along with thistle embroidery. He also has the same trousers and boots as Meritorious. To his left is the text “Detailed, but still conventional” pointing to his uniform, and to his right the text “Commanding officer version”. To his right is Ghastly’s mother, a short black woman with dark brown hair and eyes. Her hair is styled in twists and gathered into a short ponytail. She is smiling, showing her smile lines, and flexing her right bicep, her other hand by her waist. Her uniform is identical to Corrivals, except without the criss-crossing belts and shoulder decorations. Like corrival, she has black gloves. To herleft is the text “designed for mobility” pointing to her uniform, and to her right is the text “Average officer uniform”. On the right side of the picture is the text “Standard uniforms” “uniforms have thistle embroidery” “thistles symbolize resilience and protection” “uniforms have room for several underlayers both for warmth and as protection against chafes” “uniforms vary slightly by region” “uniforms can be modified to accomodate discipline”. A larger illustration of the thistle pattern on the belt separates the text and the drawings.  / End ID]

The thrilling sequel, the average fighter uniforms! Once again, flowers used to distance them from any real-world military stuff. I had so much fun making designs for these characters. Idk why but Corrival Deuce gives me major Captain Barnacles vibes, so that’s what I aimed for with his pose and friendly face. And I love Ghastly's mom so much I know so little about her yet I know she was a cool lady. I used gray for the uniforms, for several reasons: gray wasn’t commonly used in uniforms in the 18th century, the Sanctuary seems to like the color gray a lot and that would make the uniforms go from white to gray to black. Maybe the current day Cleaver uniforms could be based on the old uniforms? Once again, the uniform designs are obviously free to use with credit. 

[dalekofchaos]

My hope and problems with Rey's New Jedi Order

As excited as I am for Rey's return in the New Jedi Order. My problem is the time gap and no sign that Finn, Poe, Rose, and Jannah are returning. No signs that Ben's death will finally be retconned as course correction. Seems like LF doesn't want to fix the problems of the Sequel Trilogy.

Everyone hated that Ben died...for reasons. Everyone hated that Finn's potential was squandered. Everyone hated that Rose was cut to appease the racists. Everyone hated that they made Poe a forced straight. Everyone hated that Jannah barely did anything. Like, come on, if you're going back to the Sequel era, the very least you could do was fix what everyone had problems with.

As for why I have an issue with the time gap. In all that time, we have no idea what the galactic politics are. We have no idea who is in charge. We have no idea that Poe or Lando reformed the New Republic or if there is a power vacuum.

What happened to The First Order, Is there even a First Order anymore? If there was a Stormtrooper Rebellion or not. Is there a threat to galactic peace? Did Rae Sloane return to lead The First Order? Is The Grysk gonna invade? Did a power vacuum happen? Mandalorian invasion? Criminal underworld seizing the opportunity to attack a weakened galaxy? Droid rebellion? Did The Resistance form a new government? Did the people of the galaxy rise up to stop a New Republic?

Feels like DLF will ignore these complicated questions And just revert to the status quo.

No one in the Resistance is equipped to rule a New Republic, maybe Lando. I said the result of TROS should lead to a power vacuum and as I predicted, DLF have reverted back to the status quo. Jedi Order and probably New Republic.

So 15 years. Which means Rey goes on a journey to bring back the Jedi. I'm not exactly excited to see Rey being all alone and doing something that she never expressed interest in doing before.

Again, excited. But if we do not see Ben's death being retconned or not seeing the other sequel characters get the spotlight they deserve, then honestly what is the point?

At the very least I wanna see the following

Rey's Jedi Order. I think the best way to continue Rey’s story is to put behind the talk of lineages and legacies and let Rey forge her own path as the heroine. Rey as a Jedi Master. This movie would explore Rey overcoming her own trauma throughout her life, the events of the sequels and moving on from Palpatine and the Skywalkers and forging her own path and order. This would also explore the history of the Jedi and the Sith. From the Zeffos and Prime Jedi to the Jedi of the Age Of Republic era. This would allow Rey to understand that both extremes must be put to an end and that is the only way forward. In a sense, she is letting the past die. But then, she hears a voice she hasn't heard in 15 years. Ben's. Her journey is to bring about a New Order, but also to bring Ben home.

Stormtrooper rebellion or the mention of a Stormtrooper rebellion

Either Finn gets with Rose or DLF can stop being cowards and give us Finnpoe

Finn takes his first steps as a Jedi and Finn discovers where he's from, his real name, his family and helping other Stormtroopers find their families

Lando and Jannah's journey to discover where she's from and who her family is.

Rose leading a sanctuary for all the children and animals who have lost their families due to the war and helps take care of them, but also Rose would lead an attack on arms dealers and war profiteers who have profited off the war and suffering of the galaxy.

Luke, Obi-Wan, Yoda and Anakin's force ghosts helping guide Rey as a Jedi master

Bringing Ben back via WBW and Rey gets what she really wants, a family and Ben finishes what Anakin could not, having a happy life with his family

[sereiaxz]

My thoughts on Jade Dynasty

This could contain spoilers.

The movie is not that bad, but not great.

So I finished watching Jade Dynasty and omg... So many thoughts. It lasts 1:40:54 and wow, that ending saved almost the whole movie, because I'm gonna be honest, it felt during everything like a silly little cheap comedy movie I couldn't take it seriously but I wanted to keep on watching obviously for Xiao Zhan.

What made it kinda bad was the plot being treated poorly, and for a movie that its reaching two hours, in two hours it could have gone fantastic but the story/plot was made, developed very lazy, no flavor at all. I give points due to the ending because it did took a whole interesting point that I loved it, if they make a sequel, I will watch bc that cliffhanging was really well done, and sadly the whole movie didn't had that greatness of the last 30 minutes.

Now I'm going into my actress mode, the special effects deserve a lot of praise, I think they were really well done and had that mystical beauty that made it visually stunning, the waters, the flying swords made me want to fly, the skies and the clouds, it was very pretty and HAD the EFFORT , the general scenery of nature was also really nice and pleasant, the structure of the sanctuaries and this whole thing that screamed that everything was big and colossal left me wowed lol, I think all of this held well the movie.

Onto the characters and the relationships, my main focus was Xiao Zhan character, poor kitten Zhang Xiaofan deserves better and I hope he gets it! He was portrayed as a silly little guy with no tast, lets please not forget who he truly is; a good person, someone who is kind, respectful and helpful, and that was what made others walk over him, because his shufu instead of instructing him with the other guys, kept him as some kind househusband that had to do the fucking chores, they didn't help him with anything, didn't gave him in 10 years good clothes, literally slept with his dog and monkey in the place/kitchen/wherever they kept the food, 10 damn years he wasn't teached once how to fly, get his own sword and all the other things he didnt got like the others. Even the Qingyun Sect dared to "punish whoever does KungFu outside of the classes" Zhang Xiaofan HAD to do what he could because he wasn't given the option, so he had to MADE IT himself. The man was BULLIED by his peers, his brother didn't do enough for him either way. The only one who truly saw him and kinda recognized him was Biyao, and even if she mocked him, she held some respect for him alongside Tian Ling Er, but at the end what undone him, was that people didnt took him seriously, and he somehow had that accumulated in his heart. And its that what will change him from the sweet guy he was. He wasnt respected nor being truly considered.

I hope to see more regarding his relationship with the three main girls and how it develops, his "friends" and brother. I would love for Zhang Xiaofan to be respected and recognized, maybe as a supposed future villain, because being the joke of the others he was for too long, and my god, my heart ached when he could fly for the first time, sweet baby💔

[bearsandbeansart]

Favorite location in the Borderlands series and why?

Okay, this is so hard. Why the whole series? Do you know how many locations there are in each game, not including the DLCs? Luck is a little on my side because I don't remember much of the first game, but I'm going to give you my favorite locations in the Borderlands 2, Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep, and The Pre-Sequel because this makes things a million times easier for me.

For Borderlands 2, it is a toss-up between The Highlands and Eridium Blight. The Highlands are just super pretty, and even if the threshers are a huge pain (I'll never forgive Hammerlock for bringing them to Pandora), it's a nice location to drive around in. Overlook is great once you kick out Hyperion and rid the town of David, plus there's a pub there! Also, the side missions that take place in The Highlands are pretty fun. Eridium Blight also has some of my favorite side missions, and I love the general vibes of the place as well, with the volcano and the eerie glowing eridium everywhere. Very atmospheric, very cool. Plus it's where you have to get to in order to fulfill that LOTR inspired thing for a badass ranking (I think that's the reward? Or maybe it's a trophy? I dunno, I just remember wishing I earned a magenta weapon or something instead).

For Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep, it's probably Flamerock Refuge. I know it's silly to have it be the sanctuary type locations, but I like running into all the named NPCs in their D&D getup, and talking to them while they struggle to stay in character for the setting. It's really fun and endearing, and I really love it.

The Pre-Sequel had more duds in terms of locations than others, but I did really like the Triton Flats. I dunno, it's just fun driving around in a moon buggy with Lovecraftian horrors appearing out of the crators. Plus I think this is where all of Wilhelm's echo logs are and I think they're funny.

[ggukkiereads]

Hello!! Just a few days ago I stumble upon your blog and I'm wondering if you have some recommendations for Hybrid AUs, much appreciated if it is an OT7 and completed, but if so I will still be so thankful. (I just need some cure from the stress that modules brings) Thank You in Advance (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

🌷 Hello! welcome to my mini fic-reading land. I’ve actually received asks for Hybrid AUs (I pinned the requests in the navi) but I just have a very messy draft.

But to help you with your stress, I think I can share a few of my ongoing reads (sorry they won’t be complete but they’re OT7). But, I added completed ones I could remember too (●'◡'●)

*note: will edit this later and organize this per member - maybe add other fics I’ll remember*

Fic Recs | BTS Hybrid AUs

→ A Place Called Home @agustdakasuga -  OT7 x Reader

series [27/27] | 88k | Hybrid AU, Poly AU, Soulmate AU, Romance Humor | Fluff

Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

→  If I Can Never Give You Peace @candlewaxandp0lar0ids - Jungkook x Reader

series [3/?] | 17.6k+ | Mafia AU, Enemies to Lovers | A (so far)

It starts like quite a few stories do, in your world. Girl meets boy, who happens to be a hybrid, girl buys him at an auction where hybrids are sold, boy falls in love with her, girl gets bored of him. Then it’s not so typical anymore, when the boy ends up forced into illegal fighting rings, until he makes a wrong move and her father decides he needs to be killed.

Where does that leave you? Well, you’re the one who handled Jungkook’s fight and generally organized his life, and, when the girl’s father, your boss and mafia leader, tells you he wants him ‘put down’, you’re the one who has to get it done. Except, instead, you let him escape, and everything turns out fine.

🌷ggukkienote: I am so hooked on this (because I am a sucker for Mafia AUs too). This is such a great story and the OC is really different from the usual OCs. Very interesting.

→  Eunoia @wishesunderthestars -  OT7 x Reader

series [15/?] | 100k+ (I just assumed this, masterpost doesn’t have wc but it’s 6k per chapter or more?) | Director!Reader, hurt/comfort | fluff, eventual smut

You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job. You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognision, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness ins’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

→  Restitution @cloudteawrites - OT7 x Reader

series [7/?] | 48k+ | slow burn, poly, mystery, romance

when an estranged uncle leaves you his massive fortune you wonder if the universe is playing a joke on you. when that fortune comes with seven hybrids, you know for sure that it is.

→ Lacuna @barbika1508 - Jungkook x Reader

series [42/42] | 324.3k | Hybrid AU, check for TW | Fluff, Angst, Smut

Lacuna - (n.) a blank space, a missing part

Y/N just wanted to go back home, to enjoy her peace and quiet away from problems and people. But typically, her luck strikes as she stumbles upon a horrific scene of two guys mistreating an already beaten down hybrid. Will she take matters into her own hands and help him? Or let someone else help along the way???

🌷 This is on AO3 and I got a recent ask about author’s tumblr.  So if you prefer AO3 you can check their profile

→ A Hundred Percent Human by wrienne- OT7 x Reader

series [12/?] | 88k+ | Hybrid AU, fluff, angst, smut |

In which you (reader) are forced to take care of seven hybrids in a twist of fate. Drunk and down on life, you finally decide to deal with the house and the unsavory business your mother left behind. However, to your shock, you find that seven very different hybrids are included with both the house - and the business. Seven hybrids you never even met before - even less agreed to take care of.

🌷 This is on AO3. I don’t normally reco AO3 since my blog is focused on tumblr fics but someone sent an ask about this so I’m including it

→ Inferiority Complex @starlightauroras-writes - Jimin x Reader

series [10/?] | 88k+ | political themes, themes of abuse (hybrids) | A, S

You had never liked hybrids. You disagreed with their very existence, and you never wanted to have anything to do with them. And then one day, you discovered a hybrid who was more scared of you than you were of him, and everything changed as you realised you were the only hope he had…

→ Sanctuary @chimchimsauce - Jimin x Reader

series [16/16] | 20k |  Wolf Hybrid!Jimin, Barista!OC, feat sanctuary staff Taehyung, hurt/comfort | F, A

YN is a young girl, bright and ambitious, but due to her busy schedule, she's been unable to make any real friends. When an ad for Saint Mary's Sanctuary catches her attention, she never expected her life to be changed by a certain hybrid named Jimin.

→  Summer Nights @marginalmadness - Jungkook x Reader

series [4/4] | 23k | Hybrid!Fantasy, Romance | F, S

A freak weather anomaly leads to a chance encounter with a rabbit-hybrid, and your kind nature results in you gaining a small, fluffy lodger, who questions your taste in television shows. It’s won’t be for long...will it?

→  Risk it All @/httpjeon - Jungkook x Reader

series [5/5] | 8.3k  | hybrid au, alpha wolf!jungkook | A, F, S

ripped from your family, you find yourself in a warehouse filled with predators. just your luck, you’re right across from a caged alpha wolf.

🌷 (I linked Chapter 5 because for some reason others couldn’t find this chapter so they thought it’s still incomplete)

→  Outro Love is Not Over @kiirokero - Hoseok x Reader

series [12/?] |  Daycare Teacher!Hoseok x Single Mom!Reader

You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho.  But you’re a human.  You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can.  So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

→  It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go Right @imaginethisbts - TaeKook x Reader

two shot [2/2] | 11k | dom/sub themes, heat cycles | S

What’s better than one dogboy lover? Two dogboy lovers. But when Tae and Jungkook seem unusually clingy, it can only mean one thing. That time of the month has snuck up on you and your dogboy lovers do not want to share.

🌷 Also try their other Jungkook hybrid series Out of the Blue

→  Peculiar Park @daydreamindollie -  OT7 x Reader

series [9/?] | 38k+ | imagines, slice of life | Writer!Reader, Psychologist!Reader, imagines | fluff

you’re a successful hybrid writer and psychologist who takes in seven hybrids on one stormy night after finding one of their pack stealing from your garden

→ Yeouiju @nomseok - Namjoon x Reader

one shot | 33.7k | Mythical AU, Hybrid AU (if you squint), suspense | A, F, S

you find an ancient stone in the middle of the mountains and bring it home with you, oblivious to the consequences of taking a dragon’s yeouiju.

→ Beautiful Stranger @/nomseok - Taehyung x Reader

one shot | 19k | circus AU | A, S, F

your dream is to take care of animals for the rest of your life in the big city, making sure that they’re cared for. but you stumble upon a malnourished, rare tiger in your local circus, and you can’t help but want to take care of him.

→ Evolution of You and I @readyplayerhobi - Jimin x Reader

one shot | 10.2k | kind of epistolary (letters), chat, childhood friends | F

For 15 years, Park Jimin has been in your life in some form. From childhood penpal’s to the closest of friends now, you can’t imagine your life without him even if you’ve never actually met him in person. It doesn’t help that you’ve fallen for him, even across the distance that separates you. But what happens when you finally meet up and you discover he’s been keeping something secret?

→  Fish are Friends @httpjeon - Taehyung x Reader

one shot | 10.2k | seahorse hybrid!taehyung | A, S, F

after moving to the seaside, there is a dreadful storm. when all is clear, a man washes up on shore…only he isn’t quite human.

🌷 you know seahorses mate for life and it’s the male that gets pregnant? Interesting huh

→  Pink Panther @gimmesumsuga - Seokjin x Reader

one shot | 13k | boss-employee | F, S

The one where your boss, Kim Seokjin, tries to show you how beautiful you are.

→  Ragdoll @ausblack - Jimin x Reader

series [17/17] | Hybrid AU, College AU | F, A

As you were studying to obtain your medical & veterinary degree, your professor came up with the idea of organizing an internship - where you found yourself side by side with a sick hybrid that needed nothing other that complete care.

→  Jagged + Catnap  @opaljm - Jimin x Reader

one shot + sequel | 18k |  jaguar/black panther!jimin, sand dune cat!reader, mutual pining, friends to lovers, established relationship (sequel)| S, F, slight A

The pretty little sand cat hybrid Jimin has been in love with for the past year experiences her first heat and Jimin would love nothing more than to be the one to guide her through it and breed her with his kittens.

🌷 there’s also a possible spin-off for Taehyung (Eye of the Tiger)

→  Owner @jessikahathaway - Jungkook x Reader

series [6/?] | 17.4k | Fake Dating AU, Hybrid AU, based on Kimi Wa Petto (Japanese anime) | F, S, A

With your mother hounding on you (no pun intended), you decided to get a little help from a hybrid, who was also in need of assistance.

→ Loving Him Was Red + Somewhere Only We Know @userseok - Jungkook x Reader

series [3/?] | 12.8k+ | enemies to lovers, childhood friends (sorta), college au, jock!jungkook, unrequited love (for OC) | S, F, A

you’ve been chasing after jungkook for years. after a harsh verbal altercation between both of you, you decide to leave him alone and pursue a relationship with someone who seems genuinely interested in you, thinking he would never return your feelings.

I would like to recommend the catalog of these writers:

@ditttiii - so I realize I’m following them on AO3 when I realized the fics looked familiar 🤭. They have an ongoing series called Enchanted to Meet You which you might want to check out if you like Soulmate AUs too! I recently reblogged a Jungkook two-shot comfort fic (hybrid au too) so I recommend going through their masterlist!

@aroseforyoongi - who I discovered because of Gossamer (KTH). It was completed but I think it’s up for re-write/re-post? You can try the others:

Navy Blue - Jungkook [completed]

Forever Yours - Yoongi [one shot, prequel to Navy Blue]

Let Me Love You- Jungkook [one shot]

@magicalsalamander - another favorite author of mine I just feel like I’m reading a great tale every time I start on a series or one shot. They have great fics with supernatural themes too

Rabbit on the Moon - Jungkook | if you’re in the mood for police officer Jungkook [6/6]

The Act of Persuasion - Seokjin | if you are in the mood for Single Dad AU x Arranged Marriage too [one shot]

Firefly that Guards the Fox - Taehyung | if you are in the mood for mystery [11/12 - just epilogue left]

Kitten’s Little Flame - Yoongi | if you like BF to Lovers between dragon and a cat [6/6]

There’s more so please check their Masterlist

@hollyhomburg - I just love Of Fire and Love (hello dragon!yoongi and baby!jungkook? 🥺) But you can check:

their masterlist of all their hybrid fics

Dance to This series which I’ve added to fic recs based on an ask about stories that include members/readers with disability.

Don’t care if it Hurts - Jimin | this is probably my favorite (again I’m a sucker for Mafia AUs) , guard dog hybrid!jimin [12/13, just epilogue]

@angelicyoongie - I got hooked after reading their stories on AO3 but they have tumblr too! Check their masterlist for ongoing hybrid fic (Abundance - OT7)  but these are completed ones:

Desolate - Yoongi, grumypy cat hybrid [14/14]

Out of the Woods - Namjoon, wolf hybrid, strangers to lovers [3/3]

@worldwidebt7 - if you like webtoons! I read parts of Jungkook’s webtoon and I think currently we’re on Yoongi’s story. Access it here

@jincherie - One of the first hybrid fics I remember encountering is Inheritance (MYG). Other fics:

Perihelion - Hoseok, college, roommate, enemies [2/?]

Butterfingers - Namjoon, teacher au, this is cuuuute READ IT if you’re looking for something fluffy [one shot]

4 o’ clock - Taehyung, single dad au (I included this in the singel dad fic recs too) [3/?]

Under the Bridge - Jungkook, found jungkook under the bridge [one shot]

@whitesparrows97 - a writer I discovered because of a Yoongi soulmate fic but I found that they also have other hybrid fics:

Cat’s Cradle - Yoongi, bestfriend [5/5]

Underdog - Taehyung, shifter, brought home what she thought a stray dog [5/5]

@foxymoxynoona - and what would my reco be without foxymoxy? So they have tumblr but their works are on AO3. I’ve listed their current works here but I didn’t include their completed works which are must-reads:

Sugar Fairy - Jungkook, mating, adopted hybrids [48/48]

A Sea of Indigo - Jungkook, ex-fighter [48/48] ⭐⭐⭐

@therealmintedmango - They have a whole masterlist of their hybrid!au fics. I recently finished Kingdom Come and I always remember Jimin from King (for some reason)

@joonbird - check their Zodiac Hybrid Masterlist of one shot per member

There are more (usually one shot per member) but I’ll probably put them in another Fic Rec List for Hybrid AUs. Sorry this list is kind of all over the place (not even organized per member 🤭). But good luck with your modules and I hope these help!

(❁´◡`❁)

[thatsalrightprettymama]

Mama How Do You Fix A Broken Heart?

A/N: Here is the sequel to Should've Known You'd Bring Me Heartache! @navia3000 Thank you for sending in the request for Should've and I'm sorry it took me so long to get this sequel out lol. It took a bit to figure out how to write what I had planned, but I'm happy with the end product! I hope you and everyone else likes this! As always it's unedited and not proofread 💙.

Warnings: none? Maybe slight cussing if that bothers you. Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff. (This one actually ends happy 😂)

Word Count: 5.7K

You were laying in your bed, just as you had been since you left Club Handy three days ago. Your rooms four walls becoming your sanctuary to hide from the world in. As you lay in your bed watching the morning rays seep through your curtains onto your wall you faintly hear the phone ring. You hear you mother go to answer it and when you hear her voice say, “Hello Gladys! I’m having an alright morning, how about yourself?” shortly after the ringing stop it cemented your decision to stay in bed for the day again. If your mama was talking to Gladys, that meant there was probably a chance of you having to run into or see a Presley if you left your room. As you heard the muffled sound of your mother on the phone, you rolled over and shoved your face into your pillow. You should’ve never gone out to Club Handy, you would’ve never have made a fool out of yourself or seen Elvis. You’d still be miserable and heartbroken though, but you’d probably wouldn’t be hiding in your room.

As you laid there, the last time you saw Elvis replays in your head. Why did you have to act like a drunken fool in front of him? Why did you refuse the ride, when you could’ve had all, you wanted for weeks, a moment with him? Why did you spit the vicious lie at him? Yes, part of you wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt you but know he believed you hated him. Cementing the fact, you’ll never get him back. As you moped in your room, your mom was talking to the woman that had surprisingly become her best friend over the past few years since you met Elvis. “She’s not left her room except to go to the bathroom for three days, and even thin she’s like a damn ghost.” Your mother tells Gladys before adding, “You know when she told me she was going dancing the other night I thought either she was getting better or he got his head out of his ass, but now I don’t know what happened but she’s worse. “The Presley matriarch sighs on the other line, usually she didn’t care too much for the girls in her Bewbie’s life, but you were special. She liked you though, and while she’d never fully admit it out loud, she didn’t mind sharing her Bewbie with you.

“Usually, I’d get offended someone talking about my Bewbie like that, but to be honest I don’t understand why he’s being such a damned fool like this for. I swear he loves her Charlotte.” Gladys tells your mom as she paces the kitchen, the whole conversation going unheard by you. “I don’t know what happened that night, all I know is he left late saying he had to get Y/N and came back later looking like his world was crushed. “She continues to admit to your mom, both women getting confused and concerned at the shared information. “I don’t know what’s going on with them, they obviously still love each other.” Your mom comments as Gladys hums in agreement. “I don’t know what happened that night, Y/N came home drunker than a skunk and she’s been moping ever since.” Your mother tells Gladys as they talk. “Do you think I could visit her? I don’t know, I know it’s pushy but maybe these kids need us to step in a bit?” Gladys asks your mother after a moment and continuing when she notices your mother’s slight hesitancy, “Just to talk to her, maybe figure out a way to help them kids not end something that could give us the cutest grandbabies?” The joke making your mother laugh as she stretches the cord as she paces a small path at the phone. “Oh, I know, and well maybe that might work.” Your mother tells her before uttering,” Lord knows she ain’t talking to me about it.”.

“Alright well let me get ready and say I’ll be over in an hour? I’ll get Vernon to take me.” Gladys tells your mother after hearing her agreement. “Maybe we can get these kids back together.” She comments before they say their goodbyes. The whole conversation went unheard by you as you moped in your bed. So, after some time when you heard a knock on your bedroom door you assumed it was your mother. “Mom! I just wanna be left alone!” You pitifully call out pulling the covers over your head in attempt to drown out the world more. “I’m not the Mama you’re talking about, so does that mean you still want to be left alone?” You hear the familiar voice of Gladys Presley ask as you hear your door creak open making your heart still for a moment. As you pause under the blanket you have an internal battle with yourself. Part of you wants to tell her that it especially includes her and to leave, but another part of you would never want to be that rude to Gladys. You had grown to love the woman over the years, and while you may be hurt and angry from her son; she never did anything to you.

“No, you can come in Mrs. Gladys. “, You softly comment from under your lump as you hear her step into your room. As you heard your door shut you slowly uncovered yourself and sat up to stare at the older woman. “What happened to Mama P? Just cause my Bewbie’s an idiot I get bumped down to Mrs. Gladys?” Gladys softly jokes as she fully steps into your room as you try to ignore her pitying look at your unkept appearance. “Sorry Mama P., though I never thought I’d hear that last part.” You tell the woman giving a ghost of a smile as you pat the corner of your bed. “If you say it again you can sit on my bed.” You joke making the older woman laugh as she sits on your bed. “Well, I never thought my Bewbie would act so stupid I’d have to call him an idiot.” She jokes with you as she glances over at you before biting her lip. “How have you been little girl? I ain’t seen you in months.” She asks as you bow your head and start to play with frayed strings on your blanket. “I’ve been better Mama P. “You admit softly as you toy with the stray string. “Sorry I ain’t seen you, I didn’t really know with us uh splittin’ if you would want me to still.” You tell her honestly as you two quietly sit on your bed. “Plus, I kinda knew it would hurt too much to see you.” You confess to the woman that had become like another mother to you. “Oh sweetheart, it wouldn’t matter I like you for you.” She tells you softly as she softly moves a piece of your hair before adding, “You’re like the daughter I never got to have, and I’m sorry my Bewbie’s put both of ya’ll through this. I don’t know what goes through that boy’s mind.”

As you listen to her, you couldn’t help but feel curious and lightly agitated at her words. “You know you’re like another Mama to me too and saying that Mama P I gotta ask you somethin’.” You tell her as you lift your head up, your heart breaking as Elvis starts to flood your mind as you looked at his Mama. “What do you mean both of us? He wanted it, he was the one to end it.” You tell her as you watch her bit her lip as she gives the barest shake of her head. “I know sweetheart, but I don’t know why. Lord knows he didn’t really want it, and the boy’s been torn up since then. “Gladys tells answers you giving you a soft sad look. “Especially since the other night, he’s been a wreck. “She comments giving you a look as you bite your lip. While childishly a small part of you was glad to know he was just as affected by the break-up as you were, you felt guilty knowing what you had said to him when you last seen him. Biting your lip, you looked at the older woman as you felt the familiar sting of tears building up and asked, “Then why did he break me?”. The older woman softly coos as she pulls you into a hug as you continue to fight your tears. “I don’t know little girl, and I hate to see both of ya’ll hurtin’ like this.” She tells you as she tries to comfort you. “Maybe if you tell me why he’s barely leavin’ his room muttering you hate him?” She asks after a moment as she pulls back from you slightly to look down at you.

You tearfully stare at the older woman as the guilt swelled up in you as you remembered how you yelled at him, then you told him that awful lie at Club Handy. “Oh, Mama P I made a damned fool out of myself at Club Handy.” You tell her sniffing back the tears as you swallow a lump, letting the woman pull you back against her. “I’m sure whatever happened wasn’t that bad little girl.” She comments as she runs a hand comfortingly through your hair. “Oh, but it was. Not only did I make a fool outta myself, but I said the most awful things to Elvis.” You lament as you start to lose the fight with your tears. “I got as drunk as skunk and almost started a bar fight.” You begin to explain tearfully as you sniffle against her, your words surprising her. “Bar fights? What happened that night little girl?” She questions you stunned slightly, while you were a bit of a firecracker bar fights were something way out of your nature. “Well, I don’t know. I got tired of moping around like I had been for months, and I started out just wanting to have some fun. Then when I got there it changed, I started to drink and dance. I wanted to just forget for one night that I was hurtin’ as much as I was. “You continue to explain as you continue to sniffle and cry, the walls finally breaking as she listens to you. “I danced with some guys, and well one thought I owed him something for my drink and didn’t like it when I told him I didn’t owe him anything. I guess that’s when B.B. called your house.” You continue your story as Gladys comforts you, holding you tighter as you mention the altercation before interrupting you slightly. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” She asked as she pulled away from you briefly to look into your eyes, your words worrying the older woman. “No, No. Sammy handled it before he could hit me.” You tell her as your tear-filled eyes stared into her worried ones, thinking how Elvis looked like her. She hums calmed slightly by your answer uttering a small, “Good” as she waited to listen to the rest of your story.

“Well after Sammy handled it and B.B called Elvis, B.B took me into the back office of the club to keep me from makin’ more trouble. Well, we got to talking, and I was telling him about how I was feeling when Elvis showed up. God I was just so drunk, and seeing him and all the hurt rushing forward made me so angry Mama P.”  You tell her through tears as she rubs her hand up and down your back as she softly tells you, “It’s alright sweetheart we all say things we don’t mean when we’re drunk or angry, and especially when the two mix.” You sniffle as you listen to her words and shake your head against her. “No, I was horrible to him. I told him I hated him and wished I’d never met him.” You admit to the older woman before you choke out a cry as she comforts you. “I didn’t mean to tell him that.” You tell as you move you hand to wipe your eyes as she runs her hand through your hair again. “I know sweetheart, I know. It’s also not the end of it all though.” She tells you softly before she pulls back to see your tear-stained face. “You know how many times I’ve told Vernon I’ve hated him over the years?” She lightly asks giving you a half-smile.

You wipe your eyes and shake your head with a sniffle as you try to calm yourself down from finally unleashing some of your guilt from the past few days. “That’s hard to believe Mama P., you and Vern were made for each other.” You comment as you finish wiping your tears before looking at Gladys as she slides your hair behind your ear before putting her hand down. “That’s real sweet of you to say sweetie, but of course I have. Lord knows that man’s drove me up the walls too many times to count over the years.” She tells you softly as she looks at you for a moment. “Why don’t you get out of this bed, and get ready and you can drive me home? I know Elvis taught you how, and maybe you and Bewbie can talk some?” She asks softly after a pause making you shake your head. “I’ll drive you home Mama P, but I don’t know if I can talk to Elvis. “You tell her as your heart hammers at the thought of it. “Plus, would he even wanna talk to me after the way I acted?” You ask pitifully as you started to play with the strings on your blanket again. “Oh, Y/N sweetheart of course he’d wanna talk to you.” She tells you softly but sweetly as she glances at you. “I think he’d wanna talk to you as much as you regret those words.” She comments with a sad smile as she waits for you to say or do something. Chewing on your bottom lip you looked up at her and nodded. “Alright I will, you care to wait for me to get ready?” You ask her making her smile wide and nod.

“Of course, little girl I’ll go talk with your Mama while you get ready.” She tells you as she gets off your bed and you follow suit. You give her a hug before she leaves your room. Going to your closet, the blue dress that Elvis always commented on. Grabbing it you gathered your underclothes and headed to the shower. Quickly taking a shower, you take more time getting dressed. You felt your hands shake as you dressed as your anxieties and nerves felt frayed as your heart hammered in your ears. You wanted to talk to him, you wanted to take back those words, but he broke you. Elvis broke you and you don’t know how you’re going to talk to him. Which also broke your heart even more, because he was supposed to be the one person you never had that problem with. Looking at yourself in the mirror you debated on putting on make-up. Part of you wanted to put it on, but really it would be worse. You knew you wouldn’t leave Graceland without crying so you decided to forgo the makeup. Smoothing your dress, you put on your shoes and head out of your room.

You find Gladys and your mom sitting on the couch drinking iced tea as they talked, your mom pausing as she noticed you. “You look good Y/N, you ready to take Gladys home?” She asks you with a small smile, silently reminding herself to call her friend later and sing her praises for getting you out and dressed. “Thank you, Mom and yeah you care to give me your keys ma’am?” You ask her with a smile as you fiddled with your dress. “Of course, if you’re ready Mama P?” You check looking at the curly haired woman as you chew on your lip. “Your Mom’s right, you look beautiful in that dress little girl. “She compliments you making your heart swell with affection for her. “I’m ready whenever you are sweetheart.”  She answers your question as she stands from the couch. As she goes to take her glass through, your mom grabs it. “I’ll take it for you Gladys, I’m glad you came over. “She tells her warmly as she takes the glass, and as she goes to the kitchen, she pauses to hand you her keys. “Be careful Y/N.” She warns you with a smile before going to the kitchen.

“Alright then, I guess we better head on.” You state fiddling with the keys as you nervously smile at the Presley matriarch. “I guess so sweetheart, let’s go see if you kids can fix this mess.” She comments warmly as walks up to you and wraps and arm around your shoulder. You two head to the car and get in, and with shaky hands you start the car. Carefully you pull out of the driveway and start to drive down a familiar route. “Thank you for coming to see me Mama P.” You finally tell her breaking the small silence as you drove down the road. “No problem little girl.” She tells you warmly before adding, “Though I can’t deny I selfishly did it for Bewbie too. You kids have something special, and it shouldn’t end for no real reason when you both love each other.” You bite your lip as her honest confession pulls at your heart as your emotions create a chaotic battle inside seeing if either your anxieties, misery, or nerves would break you first. “Do you really think he still loves me? Did he tell you what he told me when he ended?” You ask her softly as you stared at the rode ahead chewing on your lip. “He told me that we should see other people, that we were too young to be tied to each other and the Puppy love was fun while it lasted, and maybe we could be friends one day. “You tell answering your own question with a small scoff. “I feel bad he's torn up, and despite that I don’t want him to think I hate him. But can you see where I worry if he still loves me? That there could be someway to get back to what we had?” You ask her honestly as she bites her lip, not seeing the sad look in her eyes as a flash of anger filtered through them at your admission.

“I swear I’mma hit that boy after you two talk.” Gladys comments as she places a comforting hand on your arm as you try to keep an eye on the road ahead. “I don’t know why he said that sweetheart, but I know a lick of it ain’t true. I know he loves you Y/N. “She tells you kindly before she removes her hand. “I’m scared.” You admit after a moment as you take the ramp to get on Highway 51. “That’s cause love’s scary.” She tells you wisely as you bite your lip. “Thank you, Mama P.,” You tell her after a pause as you briefly glance over at her, and you give her a small smile. The rest of the drive to Graceland was spent in mostly pleasant silence as you mentally prepared yourself. Pulling up to the gate your heart starts to beat so fast you wonder if it’ll burst out of your chest. Nervously swallowing you drive the car forward as the gate opens. Pulling up the driveway you park the car and turn off the ignition. You both sit in silence as you hold onto the steering wheel for dear life. “I I I don’t think I can do this.” You shakily state breaking the silence after a long pause. “Sweetheart I know it’s scary, but I’m sure that heartache hurts worse then the fear don’t it?” She asks as she places her hand on your arm again, and you try to focus on the feeling of her soft hand as you feel like your chest it about to cave in.

Slowly breathing you try to slow your heart as you try to focus on her and think on her answer. Despite your anxiety hitting you full force, you knew she was right. The pain of not having Elvis in your life was a thousand times worse than what your fear felt like. After taking a few more breaths you nod and shakily grab the keys. “You’re right, but please take these till we talk so I don’t run.” You tell her softly as you hand her the keys. Taking her other hand, she grabs them and soothing rubs your shoulder as she says, “It’s gonna be ok little girl, despite this mess he’s still that boy that would walk you home from school like a puppy all those years ago.” Her words comforting more, you give her the best smile you could as you take a deep breath. Getting out of the car, you shut your door and stare at the huge familiar house. In spite of your internal emotional storm raging inside you, you follow Gladys into the house.

Closing the door behind you she points up the stairs as she tells you, “He’s in his room, just knock. It’s gonna be fine Y/N.” You nod and stare at the stairs for a moment as she starts to walk pass you, pausing to pat your shoulder she softly tells you, “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”. You nod as you chew on your lip, as she continues her way to the kitchen you take a moment to prepare. Closing your eyes, you try to clear your head some before you open them and start to head up the stairs. Slowly ascending them you grip onto the wooden rail, trying to think of what you were going to say. Coming up you look down the hall and see his door. Uneasily you walk toward it pausing for a moment and just starting at the door when you stop in front of it. Breathing in you bring your hand up and knock on the door. “Leave me alone Mama! I don’t wanna be bothered.” You hear his deep voice shout after a brief silence after your knock. Frozen it takes you a minute or two before you call out to him through the door. “It’s not your Mama Elvis, it’s me.” Biting your lip, you start to fidget with your dress as you hear silence before a thump and his deep voice call out, “Y/N? That really you?” As you hear shuffling you go to answer before the door is ripped open and he’s standing in front of you. Despite the red eyes accompanied by dark circles and slump posture, you still thought he was a dreamboat. “Y/N.” He breathes your name out, making you freeze. The moment was here, and you had no idea what to say or do, all you could do was stare back at him. “C-Can we talk?” You finally ask slightly stuttering as you struggle to keep a grip on yourself.

“Of course, Y/N!” He tells you as he opens his door for you to come into his room. “Uh What did you want to talk about doll?” He asks you as he closes the door, the pet name naturally slipping off his tongue and harshly tugging on your heartstrings. Walking into his room you sit on the corner of his bed as you stare at him, chewing on your lip as you try to think of how to start this and how to tell him everything that was burning under your tongue. Fiddling with your fingers you take a deep breath before you end up blurting out, “I don’t hate you, in all honesty I could never hate you, Elvis.” You watch as his dark eyebrows arch up and something flash across his eyes as he sucks on his bottom lip. “Do you mean that Y/N?” He asks you softly, his voice coming out raspy as he stares at you seemingly frozen in his spot next to the door. Timidly nodding you stop chewing your lip as you moved your gaze to the carpet. “It’s true, while I don’t understand why you ended it, but I can’t hate you.” You tell him as you stare at the carpet, still fiddling with your fingers. “I was drunk, angry, and hurt. “You begin to explain, suddenly lifting your head up and taking breath to ward off the tears that start to build again. “Plus, to be honest in that moment I just wanted to make you feel an ounce of the hurt I have been for months. “You admit to him as you stare at the ceiling, feeling his eyes burn into you from the corner. 

As you heard his soft footsteps pad a few steps toward you, you decided to continue speaking before your feelings took over. “The whole night was shit. I went there to forget the hurt and you, and all I could think of was you. Haunted by your memories I made a fool of myself, and then seeing you looking just fine made all that hurt come rushing back stronger. “You tell him before you finally bring your head down, and glance at his tall form in front of you. “I’m sorry for all the awful things I said.” You apologize as you stare into his eyes, seeing the blue orbs gloss over you felt your own eyes sting. “Just why did you end it, Elvis? Why did you say that all those years and everything was just some puppy love?” You ask him as you begin asking the questions that burned your mind since that night. As you fight your own tears you watch him fight his own as you watch him inhale sharply at your question, fueling you to continue your inquisition as hurt bubbled beneath your skin. “Was there someone else? Was I not enough for you anymore? What did I do for you to just toss me and everything away?” You ask as you continue to stare at him, your voice squeaking as it cracked at the end of your questions.

Taking a deep breath in you try to blink back the tears as you watch him stare at you. Glossy blue eyes gazing into yours as he reflexes his hand before fiddling with the side of his pants. As the tears finally start to slip out, you finally ask, “Why did you promise me all of those future dreams like you were gonna be my forever when you were gonna break em’? Why did you break me after you promised not to?” Your voice thickening with each word as they stab his heart, you watch as he softly brings his hands up and wipes your tears away with his thumb. Breathing in you freeze as you watch him, waiting for some answer. “Oh Y/N, baby, don’t ever think you’re not enough. You didn’t do anything. It’s all on me, I was the damned fool.” He tells you softly, his deep voice rasping over you as you exhale trying to stop the tears. “That doesn’t answer my question Elvis, there has to be a reason why.” You thickly insist as you watch him take a deep breath before he pauses his thumb and moves to cup your face. “I-I thought I was doing you a favor. I thought it would be better to let you go.” He answers and while the hurt still bubbled underneath, anger flared at his words. “A favor? You thought you were doing me a favor by breaking my heart? You thought it would be better to let me go thinking that you didn’t believe any of it fucking mattered?” You ask as your tears continued to fall and your eyes light with fire.

“I thought that I was doing the right thing darlin’, I thought I was setting you free so another Jack could give you all the things I couldn’t” He admits as he watches you stand, reaching out to hold you as you begin to poke into his chest. “The right thing? What bullshit is that Elvis Aaron Presley?” You ask him angrily as you get more upset. “What do you think you weren’t giving me when you gave me all I ever wanted?” You ask as you stare up to see his own tear-filled eyes gazing back into yours as he holds you. “You deserve someone that can be there for you Y/N. You deserve someone that can take you out to the movies any weekend you want. You deserve to have someone that doesn’t keep you waiting for weeks.” He admits to you as he wills himself not to cry, his honest answer tugging you on your cracked heart. “Where’s all this comin’ from? Who said I wasn’t more than fine waiting on you while you flew? Who said I gave a damn if we could go to the theatre or not? All I ever cared about was spending time with you and loving you.” You ask him as you move your finger to hold onto his shirt, realizing how much you’ve missed feeling his arms holding you. “Why the hell would you break me before talking to me about all those ridiculous thoughts?” You ask him after he just stares at you chewing on his lip for a moment.

“You can’t tell me I don’t see disappointment flash in your eyes every time I have to say no to a date you wanna go on? That I can’t take you out without crowds?” He asks as his raspy voice shakes with each word as he nervously moves his hand up to swipe some of your hair behind your ear. “You think I don’t notice how down and low you sound when I call you on tour? You don’t think you deserve someone that doesn’t make you hide from the world or is barely around at times?” He continues his questions, each one tugging your heart at his insecurities he was releasing. Shaking your head, you wondered why he couldn’t have talked to you about this stuff before. “Any disappoint you saw was simply due to adjusting and that the fans that loved you couldn’t let you have some peace. “You tell him as you reach up to cup his face. “Of course, I sounded down and low, I missed you Elvis. I don’t care about the tours; it just makes the time with you more special.” You continue as you swipe your thumb against his face as he stares as you. Sucking on his bottom lip he moves his hand to hold yours against his cheek.

“I love you so much, that I want is for you to be happy. Even if that means I gotta let you go.” He tells you as a few tears slip past his eyes. “I love you and all I want is for you to be happy too. “You tell him softly as you bite your lip, moving your hand moving from under his to wipe his tears. “I love you so damn much Elvis, I’ve been living half a life without you.” You tell him as you both tearily gaze at each other. “I ain’t really been livin’ a full life either darlin’. “He admits to you softly as he reaches his hand and grabs yours again, closing his eyes as he holds it to his cheek for a moment. Opening back up he stares at you tenderly behind the tears. “I wish you would’ve talked to me about those things, it might’ve saved us this pain.” You comment as he nods his head under your hand. “I wish I did too, I’m so sorry for hurting you Y/N. I swear I’ll never forgive myself for it.” Elvis tells you as he stares down at you tugging on your heart even more.

As you two stay frozen standing in his room staring at each other you both take the time to soak in each other’s appearances having missed each other. “How do we fix this? I wanna just fall back into your arms, kiss you, and forget about the past few months but I know it ain’t that easy.”  You ask him softly breaking the silent pause as you searched his eyes for a hint at an answer. “Maybe it is, we still love each other.” He softly begins to answer as he tenderly stares at you. “I know you won’t forget my damned mistake of letting you go, but if you give me the chance, I’ll do everything to make up for it.”  Elvis tells you honestly as you stare up at him. Leaning up you softly press your lips against his, barely a moment later he’s cupping your face holding you as he kisses back. Both of your pouring your emotions into the kiss before breaking apart. “I love you Elvis, I just want to be with you.” You softly tell him as he caresses your face. “I just wanna be with you too doll.” He tells you before kissing you again, “Please just talk to me next time, I can’t handle you breaking my heart again.” You tell him as you two break apart again, as he nods with your words. “Course darlin, I promise I ain’t ever gonna put us through something like this again.” He softly swears to you as you bite your lip and nod. “You better keep it then Elvis Presley.” You tell him before softly smiling up at him, moving your hand to play with his hair. “I swear I will Y/N. “ Elvis tells you softly as he starts to smile back at you. Staring into his blue eyes you believed him, and while you knew it wasn’t going to instantly go back to how it was, you knew you two would get there. You knew that because life was bound to be better now that you were back with the person that truly held your heart.

[foxymoxynoona]

A Beautiful Beyond

NOTE: This is a short story sequel to A Sea of Indigo, which you can read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25881670/chapters/62890984

Summary: Years have passed since Jungkook came to Marigold, years since you kissed beneath the stars and confessed your love and bound yourself together. But now a new challenger has entered the ring, one which threatens to unbalance everything: your first baby! Good luck, kids.

Pitbull Hybrid Jeon Jungkook x Human Reader(Y/N) Words: 14,339

CW: not much, childbirth, domestic fluff, pregnancy, new parents, reference to prior miscarriage

Read on ao3 or below cut: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33741412

Jungkook sat in a scratchy chair in the far corner of the ballroom, next to a wide round table with his things on it. Correction, your things. Your conference bag, packed to the brim with pamphlets, samples of lotions and special shampoos and bandages and protein snacks, branded pens and water bottles and lollipops. Your messenger bag which he had carried all day, overstuffed with your own journals, loose notes, two books, phone charger, ginger candies, comfier flat shoes, socks, and enough snacks to constitute two meals, with a water bottle dangling from the strap by a carabiner. A stack of magazines and trade journals and news articles you’d collected from booths introducing health treatments, medical technologies, or new mental health services formed a stack beside the bags.  

Jungkook stretched in his chair and scratched his scalp and blinked around the room as if he’d just woken from a nap. He hadn’t, he would never fall asleep while you were wandering a crowded place like this and might need his help at any moment. But it was boring. So fucking boring. Though not the first conference he had traveled with you for, this particular time, his patience for a three days full of lectures and networking and chatty lunches was thin.

He watched you lean against a tall table, talking with two other women, both nurses who worked at other hybrid sanctuaries in Asia. So many people you knew had descended on Tokyo for this international conference. You had begged and pleaded to go after Jungkook said he didn’t think it was a good idea. You had sighed and fluttered your eyelashes and draped yourself around him and knit your fingers together and then kissed along his jaw and sucked on his ears. He flushed now, letting out an impatient huff at how impossible it was to say no to you when you did that. 

But he had his reasons! You turned and laughed at something one of the nurses said, your hand resting on top of the large round swell of your belly. He noticed the way you alternated leaning against the table and swaying, meaning either your hips or your feet were hurting. Your lower back must be too from standing all day; he saw your back arch outwards for a moment as you tried to stretch. You had cried just the other day because you couldn’t actually stretch your back the way you wanted, but if he pressed his knuckles along your spine it felt good. You needed that right now, he sensed it. He was always trying to sense the things you needed, watching you closely, trying to take care of you because he’d done this to you after all. He thought you still hadn’t been quite sure about a baby but you were doing this for him. 

And also for a nurse you were remarkably bad at taking care of yourself.

He decided without seeing them that you ankles were swollen enough and he needed to drag you out of there, so he gathered all your things and marched over, only to shy away from the pairs of eyes that all immediately shifted to him.

“Y/N, let’s go rest,” he mumbled at your shoulder.

“Just a few more minutes.”

“You said that two hours ago…”

“I know,” you said, turning and pressing your hand to his chest. “I’m sorry, I know you’re bored. Just a few more minutes, I swear.”

He sighed. But you smiled at him. And from here your ankles didn’t look too bad yet.

“Drink more water,” he said, handing you the water bottle you’d set on the table. He hauled your things back to the round table and dumped them down but didn’t sit this time. Instead he remained standing, so you could have the reminder that you had said you would go soon. 

He crossed his arms.

He paced. 

He leaned against the back of a chair when a few minutes bled into more. Two more people had joined you. And now he was getting hungry too, which he knew meant you were probably hungry too and too busy talking work stuff to realize it. Time to use his own powers of persuasion.

Once again he grabbed your bags up and approached, this time pressing up close against you back. You mindlessly lifted your fingers over your shoulder to touch his neck, a soft gesture that meant hi, I see you. He loved that gesture. He loved you, his infuriating woman who didn’t pay attention to your own limits.

“Y/N,” he whined quietly at the back of your head. The impatient huffs and whimpers were quiet, though probably not so quiet your colleagues couldn’t hear. He didn’t care right now. They’d think your whiny pup was dragging you away and though he hated that, it was the price he’d pay to get you upstairs to your room so you could put your feet up.

“Ok ok,” you said. To you colleagues, you explained, “My husband is telling me it’s time to go. I’ve dragged him around for three days now and I think we’ve hit the limit.”

“You need to rest,” he defended. My husband. The label flustered him as five pairs of eyes looked at him. He could read the surprise and curiosity on their faces. Husband? A hybrid? Nurse Y/N actually married a hybrid?

No, not actually. It wasn’t legal in Korea --or in most places, for that matter. But you had still had a ceremony last year when your grandparents had visited Marigold in the spring, donning traditional Korean clothing and standing underneath an arch on the dock Jungkook had built years ago. It was small and simple. His parents had come up for it too, to finally meet your grandparents. You had actually been calling him your husband to people for at least a year by that point, making a point of it after several unsurprising and hurtful assumptions about the nature of your relationship from outsiders. So you’d had your meaningful little ceremony, and he’d been more affected by it than he anticipated; he had not expected to be so touched when you legally changed your last name as your application for Korean citizenship was accepted, just one more way to connect you in a country that wouldn’t legally allow it.

You turned towards him, your belly pressing into his side as the others around the circle shook his hand and tried to hide any shock from their faces. Not only were you “married” to a hybrid, but of course they’d now wonder about that baby in your belly.

“Yes, it’s mine,” he said, though no one had asked. He knew they were wondering and he wanted them to know.

You immediately laughed and patted his chest, “Yes, it is, and you’re trying to make me take it easy, I know. So we’d better go. It’s been nice seeing you all; you’ve got my contact info. We fly home tomorrow but let’s keep in touch!” Your pat embarrassed him, or rather made him embarrassed by his own possessiveness of your. Human husbands probably didn’t announce that the baby in their (not legally) wife was theirs. But people didn’t doubt a human husband the way they would a hybrid not-real husband.

Your room was on a higher floor in the hotel. The silence of the elevator turned the noise of the conference into a tingly buzz still lingering in Jungkook’s ears, but by the time he closed the door of the hotel room, he could relax into the comfort of silence. Years ago, it had been the shift from a crowded arena during a fight to the quieter victor’s suite, where he’d get patched up, maybe given a girl to fuck, and then tossed into the kennels to collapse with the other exhausted survivors. Words couldn’t describe how much he preferred this routine: lining up your shoes by the door, listening to you putter around in the bathroom, then dragging you down onto the bed and pulling you feet into his lap. They were damp.

“You-- you don’t have to… do that,” you tried to protest, despite obviously just rinsing them off, either hopeful or accepting he was going to do this. Also part of the ritual. All it took was one good press of thumbs up the arch of your feet to make you moan and give up the fight. What you liked the most though was just the squeezing of your heels. He squeezed so hard he expected it to hurt but you just whined and sighed. The noises always went right to his dick. It didn’t take much from you to get him going and seeing you laid back against the pillows, belly rounded with his pup, feet twitching in his grip… well, it was enough. 

He wanted to rub your feet longer, but now his gaze kept sliding up to your belly until he couldn’t resist any longer. His hands followed, one flattening and tracing the curve.

“Baby is good,” you told him, answering his unasked question. He grinned as he stretched out beside you but a little lower, so his hand could continue to press. “Here,” you took his hand and pressed it low, where he could feel it, the irregular thump against his hand.

“Foot?” he asked.

“I sure hope so,” you snickered, “Or that baby is coming out with biceps as big as yours.” You squeezed his arm and he let you, amused at the way you so casually caressed each other's bodies. He kept his hand there, letting his son kick his palm.

“He’s strong,” he mused, only to flinch and quickly cover, “Do you think the baby will sleep now?”

“No, it slept the whole conference. I felt like I was stroking its head while we were down there,” you said, a contented smile on your face. He let out a sigh of relief that you hadn’t noticed his slip. 

Jungkook was certain you were carrying his son. It wasn’t that he preferred a son, but that was certainly going to be easier, seeing as he was a boy. He didn’t necessarily hope the baby was much like himself but he knew what it was like to be a little boy, and that had soothed some of his worries about fatherhood. Bitna was the only girl he’d grown up with and she wasn’t a very normal girl, so he’d be lost with a daughter. But he’d just sensed early on that the baby was a boy, and so hadn’t minded when you suggested not learning the baby’s sex until it was born because what did it matter?

It didn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things. It didn’t, Jungkook had assured you when he’d first started insisting it was a boy and you had broken down in tears. He’d never forget you sobbing with disappointment in him, “Are you really one of those traditionalist men who only cares about a son?” No! No, he wasn’t! He just happened to think a son would be easier and happened to believe this baby was a son! To soothe you, he’d enthusiastically agreed not to find out the baby’s sex, agreeing it didn’t matter, secretly knowing he was going to be right.

And it didn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things. It didn’t, Jungkook had reminded himself when the technicians didn’t disclose the baby’s sex. It wasn’t that he’d maybe wanted to know to reassure himself he wasn’t having a daughter, (moot, since his gut said it was a boy) but because he was just desperate to know anything at all. 

He stroked the spot on your belly the baby had been kicking. There was another hard kick that made you grunt, followed by a louder grunt.

“Oof, it’s moving.”

Jungkook dragged your flowy shirt up, watching the ridge of the baby’s back he could see as it shuffled and twisted inside. You could always feel when the baby moved like that. You could feel when the baby got hiccups or was sleeping. You could feel when the baby got startled by a loud sound around you or when it grew still listening to the soothing music Jungkook played at home every day while he painted. He knew you also had the aches and pains and cramps and heartburn and swollen ankles and back aches. 

But you got to experience this, the baby was already so real to you that he’d catch you mumbling to it sometimes, or tapping your fingers against your belly when the baby’s head or butt pressed against it in silent communication, or rocking in the glider you bought on recommendation from Taehyung and Yejin --who had just had their third and, according to Yejin, absolute final. 

Jungkook was on the outside of it. He went to almost every doctor’s appointment, trading shifts at the restaurant where he still worked to clear his schedule. He painted the nursery, he built the furniture, he took the best damn care of you he could. But he still had to wait to meet the baby in a way you didn’t, and he just wanted to know something about this baby, who was going to change your lives “in ways you can’t even imagine yet,” according to his mother. All he had to go on so far was that he thought the baby was a boy.

But he kept that to himself, tracing his finger over the bulge of a head or a butt pressed just above your belly button. Your fingers wound into his hair, scratching his scalp, sending goosebumps shooting across his arms. When he glanced at your face though, your eyes were closed, your expression peaceful for a brief moment.

“You’re tired, jagi,” he murmured and kissed your belly. 

“I won’t admit it.”

“Admit it,” he teased.

“Never.”

You didn’t even complain enough to him, he didn’t think. He wouldn’t have minded. Listening to you narrate every minor ache and pain could have given him a greater window into your experience. Listening was the part he could do.

“You don’t stop for anything,” he said. “But now you have to. We came to the conference. Now we’ll go home and you promised.”

“I know, I promised. We’ll go home and I’ll take it easy.”

He heard the extra something in your voice and knew not to push further. The sadness crept in, like it sometimes still did, even though this baby was healthy and growing well. The timing of the wedding and name change had also been an emotional reset. After two years of trying before you actually got pregnant, only for the first pregnancy to end in an early miscarriage, you’d both whispered doubts to each other in the dark whether a child could actually be in your future. Now you had a healthy growing baby in your belly but still there had been minor disagreements when you thought he coddled or he thought you pushed yourself too far. Would he have packed you up in bubble wrap for the whole pregnancy if he could, like you’d accused him of? Well… maybe.

But this you had agreed on. This conference was the last thing you would leave Marigold for. Now you would go home and be gentle with yourself and let him pamper you until the time came that Jungkook could finally meet his son.

You were still scratching his scalp as he murmured, “I love you.” It still felt bold to say it sometimes, but he was determined to say it every day. This baby would take being loved for granted, it would hear about it so much. No matter what happened, this baby would always know it had a father who loved him.

“I love you too,” you returned, rolling onto your side towards him.

“Yes, and I love you too,” Jungkook conceded.

“You didn’t mean me?” you pouted, a smile in your voice.

“I love you both,” Jungkook said and kissed you before settling on the pillows, your belly cradled between you.

Damn, he was ready to go home. This conference had been really fucking boring.

                                            -------------------------------

You sat on the living room sofa in the main house, staring at the ground, sulking. They’d called Jungkook. They might as well have called your dad, for all the gravity the call was made with and for all the pleading not to and for all the dread you had about the consequences. Jungkook was going to be unhappy with you. 

Sure enough, you could recognize his steps as the front door swung open, and his serious stare met you a moment later. You tried to return his stare, but then closed your eyes and slumped backwards on the couch, clasping your hands on top of your stomach. He sat beside you on the couch.

“She completely fainted,” Jimin tattled, appearing with a second cool cloth to drape across your forehead. The one Dale had given you was already around you neck, making you shirt uncomfortably wet. Eunju had lifted your feet onto the coffee table and brought you juice and crackers. 

“Hit the ground?” Jungkook asked, eyes wide with concern but brow somehow still lowered. 

You were the one to quickly say, “No, I barely fainted and Namjoon caught me--”

“I caught her,” Namjoon agreed, striding in. He set a glass of ice water on the table as well. “She smelled a little strange--”

“Probably just a sugar crash,” you quickly clarified. “Nothing more serious. You always smell people when they sugar crash. I just went a little too long before lunch. I was just about to stop and eat--”

“You said that like an hour ago, babe,” Maya called. Everyone was circling, bustling in and out of the room. You hated the coddling. You hated the attention. You hated that they had called Jungkook for something this trivial --you were a nurse! You knew it was just a small dizzy spell! 

Jungkook just studied your face for a moment, taking in all the information from these fucking snitches, before touching your shoulder and asking, “You want to rest here? Or should I take you home?”

“Take me home,” you quickly answered. “These mother hens are driving me crazy. I’m fine!”

“Well when our nurse is still working at thirty-eight weeks pregnant and faints, we get a little antsy,” Jimin scoffed. “Complain all you want!”

“How do you even remember the weeks? Do you have my due date penciled in--”

“We all do! It’s right on the calendar in the kitchen! When that baby comes and you stay home to recover, we can all finally let out a sigh of relief,” Maya teased. She stopped behind the couch and pressed her hands to your shoulders. 

“I’m pregnant, not made of rice paper. Women run marathons pregnant.”

“Not this woman,” Dale beamed at you. “So sorry you aren’t Superwoman this time, must be hard for your ego. Now Let Jungkook take you home, get some rest. And Y/N… You don’t have to wait until you’re literally pushing a baby out of your body. Take time off as soon as you need it.”

“I don’t. I just went a little too hard, that’s all,” you grumbled. You held your hand out for Jungkook to take, not amused when he adjusted the damp towels so they would come along for the ride. He helped you to the front door, and held you steady while you stepped into your flats --the big comfortable ugly ones that were the only thing that fit your larger feet right now. Once you were on the porch, he considered asking to carry you down, you could see the thought on his face. But apparently the scowl on your face worked, and he just helped you down and into the car.

It was a quiet ride home, though fortunately not a long one. You could smell the paint from the nursery, making it obvious how he’d spent his afternoon; as soon as you were deposited on the sofa, he ran to open the nursery windows and shut the door so it could air out without letting all the heat out of the house. He disappeared into the kitchen next, returning with an assortment of snacks to display before you on the coffee table a moment later. He brought you a blanket and a pillow and then pulled you feet onto his lap to roll the compression socks down.

“Don’t,” you complained because it felt like too much right now. He was being too sweet and he hadn’t scolded you yet, but you knew it was coming. you could see it on his face, held down by his furrowed eyebrows. “Just… say it and get it over with.”

“If you aren’t going to take care for your own sake, at least do it for the baby.”

You closed your eyes and looked away. That hurt more than you had expected. You felt a painful bubble in your chest at the words.

“I’m not endangering the baby,” you mumbled, gaze shifting to your hands in your lap. “I hate that you think that. You already think I’m a bad mother.”

“Huh?” The shift in his voice was immediate. “I don’t think that. I just meant…” He trailed off; you could feel his careful study. But the painful lump in your throat lingered and you knew if you looked at him you might cry.

“I’m not being reckless. My health is good. I’m taking breaks. I’m just not ready to stop working yet and sit around twiddling my thumbs--”

“You have to slow down.”

“If I slow down any more I’ll just be a potted plant!” you argued. “I didn’t forget to eat, I just wasn’t hungry yet because the heartburn has ruined my appetite. That’s normal! There’s no space for my stomach with the baby in there and it hasn’t dropped yet so--”

“So little meals, you said. You need snacks. You need to stop and rest.”

“I eat snacks but it just happened. I was just dizzy; I probably stood up too fast but everything is fine and I need you to stop acting like I’m just being selfish.”

“You should stop working and stay home and rest.”

“These are my last weeks to get to be Nurse Y/N before I’m just Mom,” you snapped. “Don’t take that away from me. I’m fine. Please trust that I love this baby too and I am not doing anything to endanger it. I knew you’d overreact; they shouldn’t have bothered calling you--”

“Y/N.”

You both lapsed into silence, staring in opposite directions. You were trying not to cry but the exhaustion and the frustration were building. 

“The only thing I can do to help the baby right now is take care of you,” he finally said. “You have to let me do that.”

“I am. But you have to trust me when I say I’m fine.”

“Fainting isn’t fine.”

“They exaggerated because they’re worried.” His sigh revealed what he thought of that answer. “I’m fine. I’ll eat more frequent small snacks and be fine. Please, just… please.” You didn’t know specifically what you were asking for. More trust. Less scolding. More compassion. Less guilt. 

Less guilt was really the thing you needed most. You had been prepared for the physical changes --more or less, anyway. As a nurse, you had taken care of plenty of pregnant women. Sure, going through them was a step beyond but still, you could identify symptoms and normal changes and causes for concern like a textbook. That was comforting.

What you had not been prepared for was the guilt. The fears. The mental and emotional worries that plagued your dreams and your waking both. The bigger you got, the more the world revolved around the baby growing in your belly, but you couldn’t help the small voice in your head crying but what about me? Don’t I still matter? You had made plenty of adjustments and sacrifices as needed to make sure the baby was happy and healthy and growing in there --you’d eliminated certain foods and coffees, just to be safe; you went to bed on time; you napped; you didn’t go visit your grandparents because of the risk of Zika; and so on and so on. Yes, you felt sad about those sacrifices sometimes. Wasn’t that allowed? Or did that mean you were already a terrible mother? You had plenty of people ask why you were still working this late in your pregnancy but it was because you could! You were healthy! The pregnancy was going well this time! And soon you would be home with the new baby for at least six months, maybe longer, and what would that even look like for you? You had been miserable when not working before. Who would you be when you were nothing but this baby’s mother for a while, possibly a long while? Could you be happy like that? Were you already failing for being worried about such selfish things, for still thinking about a career and a life that didn’t revolve solely around your child? Was it because Jungkook had wanted to have a baby more than you had? Were you doomed to be an unloving, terrible mother from the start because he was the one who’d wanted this first, and this was just proof of that? But you did want this baby! You had agreed to this, to the heartbreak of trying again after that first loss, because you wanted this too! Couldn’t you want both?

“Y/N,” he said, hand sliding across your back. You turned into his shoulder and finally couldn’t withhold the tears any longer. They streamed onto his shirt, soaking the fabric as you sobbed. He held you, but the position was awkward with your belly taking up so much space in between. He wound up dragging you onto his lap, tangling your bodies together the way puppies did, piling on each other to comfort or be comforted.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry. I know everything is harder for you right now. I can’t make anything easier. I’m just trying to take care of you. You work so hard all the time and I just want you to know that it’s ok for growing a baby to be enough.”

It wasn’t like him to stream out words like that; he must feel really bad and that soothed you too, reminding you that he didn’t know what the fuck they were doing either. 

“I don’t think I’m very good at being pregnant,” you admitted, pressing your face to his neck. 

“You are growing a healthy baby so you are very good at being pregnant. You are just not good at slowing down.”

“I don’t want to slow down,” you argued. “I listen to my body; I stop when I have to. But when I feel fine… Everything is changing and I’m trying not to complain or fuss but--”

“Complain to me, jagi! I’m your mate!”

“Yeah, but…”

He pressed his nose to your temple, rubbing, then nipped your nose and said gently, “I want to hear. I want to know. I don’t know anything. I can learn from you.”

“I don’t know anything either, Jungkook. I mean, I know about gestation and healthy baby size and pregnancy food needs. But I don’t know how to… how to become a mother, at least not a good one.”

“You’re a good mother already.”

“I’m not. I can’t be. I love this baby and I want this baby but everyone is saying I need to stop working, stop going places, stop doing things. Everything needs to be about the baby. So am I supposed to just stop existing except as a mother? I don’t know how to blend those things! And I want to work, I need to work, because I’m good at it but I’m not good at a having a baby like this and then at least if I fail as a mother, maybe I can make the baby proud as a nurse.”

This said, you leaned heavily against his shoulder again, a hollow ache where the words were no longer bricked up inside you.

After a while, Jungkook sighed, “I don’t know anything about it either. You know a lot about babies and I don’t know anything. But I think we’re going to be a happy family. I know it. We’ll do our best and love each other and I think that’s enough. All I ever wanted was to know my parents loved me.”

“I don’t know if my parents loved me,” you admitted, “I guess they did. But I don’t think they liked me very much.”

“I think we’ll like our baby.”

“I think so too,” you readily agreed. “It’s just that… everything is about to change. I’m so excited to meet this baby but I’m so fucking scared of getting this baby out,” you admitted with a small laugh. “And then… then what?”

He let out a deep breath and admitted, “I didn’t know you were scared about it too.”

“Of course I’m scared about it. You are?”

“Yeah.”

“You just act so… confident about everything. You take such good care of me and you remember everything and you’ve worked so hard on the nursery. You wanted this baby so bad, you were ready. I mean, I want it too! It’s just that the closer we get, the more I worry, am I really ready? What if I lose myself? I just become someone’s mom, nothing more… what if that’s not enough for me?”

“You will always be more than that,” he corrected. “Our baby has a busy mother. That’s ok. We said that. When you want to go back to work, if we need someone home with the baby still, I can do it. Why does it have to be the mom who stays home?” You had said that, as you’d imagined the many different ways your future could look. You didn’t know if Jungkook had been serious about that, about his willingness to stay home. You didn’t think you could bear the guilt of leaving your baby home, failing as a mother like that --you were supposed to want to stay home, weren’t you? And maybe you would want that! And maybe he wouldn’t want to! You couldn’t say because you just didn’t know what to expect!

“How can you say you’re scared when you sound so certain about everything?” you sighed enviously.

“I know we will figure it out. I can do anything with you in my corner and I’m in your corner so… we’ll be good.”

“Really? A boxing reference?”

You felt his smile as he kissed your jaw and shifted on the couch so he could drag the blanket over you both.

“Yes,” he said. “I know more about boxing than about babies but I will work harder at this than anything in my life. Together we’ll make it work. Not everything will change.”

“Are you going to say we’ll still have each other?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled. His fingers were softly stroking your jaw. “I worry about things too. You’ll love the baby and forget about me…”

“I won’t,” you gasped, leaning away and staring into his face. “You’re my love, my mate, my partner. The baby won’t replace you!” He did not actually look too worried about it though.

“A little bit in the beginning. Taehyung talks to me about it. But I know you love me and you need me and it’s like that for me and we are two strong people, we can handle a baby,” he grinned. “A baby is little. We can win.” It made you smile, even laugh a little.

“Yeah, what’s one small baby against us, huh?” You leaned back against his shoulder and clung to his faith in you as a mother, his confidence you could figure this out. You wanted to be as certain, but you were still scared. What if you were wildly inept? What if the baby didn’t like you, or you struggled to love it, or you grew bitter about the career sacrifices that would have to happen to make sure the child came first as it deserved? What if you didn’t like being home with it? What if --as you had once feared-- mothering just wasn’t a thing that came naturally to you? Anytime you had hinted at that fear with Yejin or Helene or your grandmother, they’d laughed: you are full of love; you don’t have to be exactly like any other mother, but you are going to be a wonderful mother to your own wonderful baby because you have been a healing mother to so many people already. 

“You’re going to be such a wonderful father, Jungkook. You are strong and soft and wonderful in all the right ways.”

“Everything I know I learned from you,” he prodded. 

“That’s not true, but thank you.” You kissed the warm side of his neck. “Now what can you tell me to make me feel better about the pain of childbirth?”

“You are the strongest woman I know--”

“No no, that doesn’t work.”

“Drugs,” he said. “Lots of drugs. Epidural, yeah? Yeah.”

“We’ll see, I don’t know… I just don’t know anything, Jungkook.”

“You know a lot, Y/N. You just care a lot too.”

“I do care a lot.”

“I know. So it’s ok.” He rubbed his nose against yours and nipped again, kissed down your cheek and nipped your jaw. It was crazy how used to this form of comfort you had become over the years; you craved it when you were stressed or upset. You let your head fall back so he could nip along your neck. The mental image came again, of Jungkook nuzzling and cuddling your baby like this, you draped around them. It was the thought that had finally changed your mind on having a baby, too, the certainty that Jungkook was going to be a very, very good father, and that you would do your best to keep up. 

You sighed, going limp in his arms, until he finally ran his nose up to your ear.

“Sleepy jagiya,” he murmured. 

“Mm-hm.”

“I’ll carry you to bed?”

“Mm-hm, ok,” you conceded, knowing he took great pride in still lifting you with the additional weight. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he carried you to the bedroom. “Wait, are you almost finished with the nursery? I want to see.”

“Later. Rest first. The nursery will still be there.”

“But you’re working so hard on it--”

“You are working even harder,” he argued. “Now you need to rest.”

“Do you think that tone will work with our child?”

“I sure hope so.”

“Me too,” you laughed, and let it work with you now, especially since he let you pull him down to the bed to nap with him. Tangled in his arms and legs, you felt better. Almost like you could do this, at least if you had him by your side, and all your friends who had overreacted today because they cared. Maybe, if you tried really hard, this could all be enough for the baby.

“Everyone just wants to be loved,” you whispered to yourself.

“You overflow with love,” Jungkook whispered back. “It’s not a concern.” He sounded so serious about it, so certain. It was the last reassurance you needed to curl up on your side, pillow stuffed between your knees to cushion your joints, and fall asleep.

                                     -----------------------------------

Damn. Damn he had been an idiot. Jungkook sat in the chair beside your  hospital bed, the plastic tub with your baby inside boxing him in, and stared at the wall. 

Damn, he had gotten everything so very wrong.

He was in shock. He knew that. He remembered the feeling of getting dragged from a fire and tossed into a cold pool, the way your skin tingled and your lungs burned and your eyes ached to close for a while, the way you were sweaty and cold at the same time. 

Had it all really happened? Really?

He glanced at the bassinet and couldn’t believe it was a real baby inside. He ought to be holding it but it was asleep and he didn’t want to disturb it, even though you had begged him to hold it while you slept, afraid it would feel cold and lonely. Your faith in him had been astonishing; seeing how much strength you took from him was incredible and he felt completely insufficient for it. What good had he been? No good, not good for a single fucking thing!

Sure, he’d held your arm as you paced through your contractions. He’d held your hips and pushed into your lower back as you had used the baby crib he’d built to help you sway through the worst of the pain. It had made him sick to see you in pain but he’d bitten that back and done his best to walk you through every survival method he knew.

Sure, he’d maintained his calm as he drove you to the hospital, and held your hand through checking in, and only snapped a little when the nurses were taking too long getting you into a room. He’d been calm and thorough about attending to your every need, desperate to do anything when it seemed like his options to help you were limited. This is normal, the nurse had assured you. Just a few hours and then you’ll have your baby.

But the hours dragged on. And on. And on. Your pain broke him, froze him, re-animated him. The nurses didn’t like him, he knew that, because he didn’t have any patience for their glacial pace when you needed something. He didn’t like how they could be chatting and laughing and happy while checking your’s and the baby’s vitals, not when you would curl forward, trying to escape the contractions. Pain was inescapable, and having to watch you go through it… it was too much. He had not been prepared for how terrible it would be. He’d been so focused on the baby and taking care of you throughout your pregnancy that he hadn’t worried enough about this part. He’d trusted too much the idea that women did this all the time. It had left him unprepared for the gut-wrenching agony of watching you suffer.

And then things got worse. The baby wasn’t moving. Your water had broken too long ago and you were starting to get a fever and the baby was being stubborn. Oh no, he’s going to be like me, Jungkook had fretted, long past rational thought at this point. He’d stood dumbly by as the nurses and doctor and you had discussed, as they’d tried to ask him his opinion, as he’d only nodded and motioned to whatever you said without understanding what was happening because internally he was panicking and this time you couldn’t soothe him through it.

Sure, he’d walked behind the gurney as they’d carted you down to surgery. He’d put on the gown and mask and papery hat and stood by your head, where the nurses nudged him. He’d held your hand, unable to look away from the exhaustion and fear on your face as they raised a curtain to perform the surgery out of your view. Surgery. Real surgery. He’d seen into your body as the doctors lifted a baby out of you.  You had cried as the baby screamed and he just stared, too slow and unresponsive to even cut the cord. He had expected to immediately recognize the baby’s scream, but it was just a noise, not even a very concerning one at the moment. He’d watched you nuzzle the baby under your chin, a swollen, red, angry baby that looked nothing like he’d imagined other than the dark hair like his own. He’d even touched your face to reassure you, pulled your gown back into place where it had been knocked around in the chaos; but even that had been wrong, you’d been trying to unsnap it so you could hold the baby against the warm skin of your chest. You already knew what to do with your upset child. The baby had drawn his attention less than the long line of stitches being sewn into your lower belly; you would have a big scar, a reminder of what he’d watched you endure.

Things were blurry after that. You were drugged in a way that scared him, but your attention was so focused on the baby that his fear didn’t matter right now much anyway. You were taken to a recovery room, the baby was looked at, everyone was said to be healthy and fine. Jungkook had called some people, his parents, your grandparents, Jimin. He hadn’t been able to tell them much except that everything was apparently fine, confused when they asked if he was all right and if you had named the baby yet.

The baby twitched in its cubby. He peeked down, but the baby settled back to sleep so he didn’t touch it. When he leaned back in his chair, he read the card on the side again: Baby Girl Jeon, DOB 2-24.

A girl! Even the baby had turned out different than his expectations for what “becoming parents” would go like. A girl…

He stared at the wall and wished he could fall asleep but knew it wouldn’t come. He felt like he’d been through the worst fight of his career. He felt like he’d been through a war. In reality, he felt nothing, just sat there shocked about it all and wondering how he could be so useless and how his expectations had been so fucking wrong.

                                          ---------------------------------

He must have drifted off again without realizing it, because noise in the room woke him. He was embarrassed to find he’d failed even as a guard; two nurses were helping you sit up while a third finished changing the baby’s tiny diaper. This kept happening. He was trying his best to stay awake, so he could be on hand to get anything you needed --ice, water, applejuice, more blankets, more pillows, move the pillows, turn on the TV, turn off the TV. The pain from your incision definitely was worse the next day, and they took your catheter out but you needed help walking to the bathroom. You were slow and fragile-seeming and it terrified him, and so he wanted to be always on hand to help you.

But once again he’d fallen asleep in that uncomfortable chair, tricked into it by his own tired brain. 

Quickly he sat up, leaning close on the edge of the bed, but you didn’t seem upset with him about sleeping. You scratched his jaw and smiled at him, then held your arms out as the nurse lowered the baby into them. Whatever pain or lingering trauma you must have from giving birth in that manner, you seemed utterly distracted from it whenever the baby was near.

“Isn’t she perfect?” you whispered. He watched you stroke the baby’s downy black ears, still paperthin and folded up, just barely poking out of the shock of dark hair. The baby looked up at you with dark eyes beneath a heavy brow; very much like the baby pictures Jungkook’s mother had texted you to compare earlier this morning. He worried the baby might have his nose too, and how would that look on a little girl? 

“Well I think she is,” you cooed, making him realize he hadn’t answered yet.

“She’s small,” he said. No, that wasn’t good enough. “She…”

“Are you disappointed?”

“Huh?”

“I know you wanted a boy,” you said. He didn’t have to see your face to hear the threat of tears.

“No,” he said quickly. “I’m not disappointed. I’m just… surprised.” He leaned down on the bed beside you, watching the baby, trying to feel that connection he had hoped would come immediately. Even seeing his own image reflected back at him in tiny ways didn’t make him look at this infant and know anything more about it than he had when it was still tucked away in your stomach. Logically he knew the baby would grow and get more personality and someday be walking and talking like Taehyung’s kids but… He realized you were watching him stare at the baby, so he added, “I don’t know anything about little girls.”

“You don’t know what a little boy would have been like either,” you argued, the same argument you’d had while pregnant. “A girl could still like cars and fighting and--”

“I don’t want anyone to like fighting.”

“--And a boy might have liked dolls and tea parties.”

“I know that,” he insisted. “It’s not important, Y/N. I’m not disappointed.”

“You can’t be disappointed. She’s perfect.” You hooked your finger into a tiny fist. The baby smacked its lips and wriggled in its blanket, curling closer to your chest and nodding off. Apparently eating and a diaper change had been too much excitement and worn it out. 

“I’m not disappointed,” he insisted again. “Are you?”

“No. What? Why would I be disappointed?”

“Ears. Tail.”

“Yes, my daughter is a hybrid, so? So is my mate”

Jungkook nodded but secretly didn’t believe you. You were drugged and tired and not thinking about it because you couldn’t actually be that oblivious. With a human mother, the baby would qualify for human citizenship, but with hybrid features, it would face the same barriers Jungkook did. Even though you had spent your life working with hybrids, you could still move fluidly between the worlds. You didn’t understand. He had hoped his child would be spared this; some mixed children didn’t even have the ears of their hybrid parent, apparently the most dominant of hybrid features. He had hoped his child would just be a boy copy of you. That would have been the best, easiest future. This child… he just didn’t know how he was possibly supposed to protect it. He’d barely managed to protect you for the last nine months.

“I know I don’t know what it’s like to be a hybrid,” you said, once again making Jungkook suspect you had secret mind-reading abilities. “And I wouldn’t wish any struggles on my own child. But I’ve spent my life trying to make this world a better place for hybrids, and now I’ll keep fighting that fight to make it a better place for our daughter. We’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe and happy and healthy. She’s beautiful and I wouldn’t change a thing about her, certainly not to make her look less like my handsome mate.”

He pressed his face to your arm, only to be stunned when you added, “Please don’t scent me though until you’re willing to scent her too.”

“What?”

“You haven’t yet.”

“She’s so small,” he defended.

“Ok. But usually hybrids scent their babies right away--”

“You aren’t a hybrid, don’t lecture me.”

You went silent. He cringed. You nodded and he could feel the weight of your swallow, the way you bit back tears.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, pressing his forehead to your arm. But you had said not to scent you, so he didn’t. He should scent the baby instead but he’d said the truth. It was so small. A boy baby would have been bigger, right? Sturdier? The boy baby he’d seen in his head was bigger.

He wasn’t soothed by your answer, “I know.” It felt like there was a but in there. But… you aren’t being the partner I need. But… you aren’t being a good father. But… you don’t belong here in this human hospital. But… it’s your fault I had to go through all this pain. But… it’s your fault our baby has dog ears and a dog tail and will never look just like every other little girl. 

“Can I get you anything?” he asked. It was lame, a lame attempt to still be useful to you.

“My stitches are hurting pretty bad,” you admitted. “Can you ask the nurse when I can have more pain medicine?” 

That he could do. He rose swiftly and headed for the door, but paused and looked back. He watched you stroke the little head one more time and kiss it, then gently tug a yellow hat down over the tiny head. He heard your sniffle from the door. You thought he hated the baby. He didn’t hate it! He just didn’t know it!

Fuck. He was failing. He’d been a father for less than forty-eight hours and already he was failing.

In his panic, he forgot about the medication. He blanked on it completely, he got distracted by his own frustrations, and he left the hospital to go for a jog to clear his mind. He’d come back a new man, he would! He psyched himself up about all the things he’d do better when he got back from his jog. He’d change diapers! He’d have the nurse show him again how to swaddle! He’d start writing down your medication times so he could keep it up when you went home and there wasn’t another nurse there doing it for you-- fuck, your medication!

He turned and jogged back to the hospital, determined for a better round two.

                                    -----------------------------------

The hospital had not let you stay long. Three days didn’t feel like long enough, and Jungkook had tried to argue with the doctor about it, but you already knew the lines the doctor responded with. You were healthy and your sutures were healing nicely. The baby was healthy and even eating nicely. You were a nurse, living in a sanctuary with other medical staff nearby. Jungkook was even suddenly being more helpful! He hadn’t scented you daughter yet, but he was changing diapers now, doing his best to swaddle the baby in a blanket, and even watched over her closely when you slept. You would wake that final day and night to see him staring down at the baby, or even reaching out a finger to touch her little cheek, and while it wasn’t scenting, it looked more like acceptance.

So there was no reason to stay longer in the hospital other than your own fear over the reality that you and Jungkook were actually parents now, parents with a baby to take care of, with the added complication that you were recovering from more of a surgery than you had expected. Of course you had known there was a risk of Cesarean. You had wanted to avoid it, to avoid the additional healing process. But by the time the doctor decided it was time, you’d had no fight left in you and had known it was the right call, for your baby’s safety and your own. 

But it didn’t mean you were ready to look at the steri-strips and long scar any more than you had to right now. Your saggy tummy, your painfully swollen breasts and aching nipples and the constant sense you were peeing yourself, none of mattered right now because your body had worked hard and deserved some love and patience. The birth already felt like a dream, except for that damn incision. Besides, you had a beautiful baby who needed you right now.

All of you. Mi-Cha never didn’t need you. If Mi-cha wasn’t on you in some way, she was screaming. Awake? Needs to be held against your heart or tucked under your chin. Asleep? Needs to be held against your heart or tucked under your chin. She might allow you to lay down in bed with her and sleep with Mi-Cha curled up in your armpit, but you were terrified of rolling over and crushing her, which meant Jungkook had to sit there and supervise. 

Poor Jungkook. Poor yourself too, sure, you were exhausted beyond all exhaustion, but at least there was something sweet about the baby clinging so desperately to you. Jungkook tried to be present and helpful and give you a break and it only ever led to screaming, and those little newborn shrieks inevitably led to you bursting into your own frantic tears. Every time he offered to take the baby so you could try to sleep, you could see him bracing himself for the unfailing shrieks. You certainly couldn’t fall asleep like that, but you could shower or quickly eat something or at least change your clothes. Maybe your hygiene wasn’t the best but hey, newborn babies loved the scent of their mama, right?

It was no way to live though. It couldn’t last. After only three days of this, you were nearing a breakdown and you knew it and couldn’t see an end in sight. Jungkook’s parents wouldn’t be here until the end of the following week and they wouldn’t be wizards with a baby. Maya and Ana had both come by, called by you to check the baby and make sure you weren’t missing something wrong because you felt incompetent over how much your daughter cried. It wasn’t like Mi-Cha always just stopped immediately crying as soon as you held her, once she got going about your betrayal for setting her down, or because you failed to anticipate whatever she wanted but couldn’t communicate yet. She was fussy and demanding and beautiful but you felt like your little family was already failing. 

So on day three, it was back to the pediatrician for a second visit for another verification that nothing was wrong. Nope. Mi-Cha was gaining weight at a good clip. She responded properly to stimuli and didn’t react to any presses on her tummy or head or tail. Gas was suggested and you were given drops to coax into her and told to keep trying, sometimes babies just took time to settle into a routine. 

But at home it continued. Jungkook offered to help less, knowing it didn’t do any good, and probably because he was exhausted having his own child scream at him and reject him. It was particularly problematic since you were more convinced by the day that Jungkook hated the baby anyway. It wasn’t a boy. It looked like him. It had puppy ears and a tail and just wasn’t what he meant when he said he wanted a baby. Frankly, his rejection hurt you too, after you worked so long and hard to make this baby. It drove a wedge between you. It had only been four days but it felt like a week had passed and you couldn’t help but feel like your lives had been ruined.

                                    -----------------------------------

“Mi-Cha,” you sang, badly because you were exhausted and had no energy or mental stamina to carry a tune. “Mi-cha, Mi-cha, sweetest lovely Mi-Cha, take a little nap so your mommy can do it too.” You cradled the baby in the crook of your elbow as you tried to unwrap a granola bar because heaven forbid you put Mi-Cha down for a moment. Your hands were shaking at your daughter’s angry shouts regardless, but you thought if you could just eat something you would get a second wind. Or, well, a fiftieth wind. A hundredth wind?

Jungkook watched you from the doorway, reading all of these things, but not sure how to help. His feelings of helplessness had only grown since coming home, watching you get dragged further under the demands of a newborn. You were both exhausted, but he knew you were carrying more of the weight right now and he didn’t know what to do. Belatedly, he realized he could at least open the fucking granola bar for you and dove forward. But Mi-Cha was already angry she’d been held wrong for too long, so by the time he handed the granola bar over, you were crying quietly beneath Mi-Cha’s wail. He held the granola bar up, trying to give you an encouraging smile and knowing he failed.

At that moment, your phone buzzed itself off the kitchen counter and landed perfectly on his foot. He cursed and grabbed it. His mother. Well, he could at least take care of that. He showed you the caller ID and wasn’t surprised by the way your expression sank. But he quickly grabbed the phone away and left the room, answering, making clear to you he would deal with it. His mother had been calling daily, trying to be helpful but adding stress already, even though she and Appa weren’t coming to visit until the end of next week.

“Eomeoni, hello,” he greeted, making sure she could hear the baby in the background before he closed himself into the bedroom. 

“Mi-Cha has strong lungs,” she mused.

“She has strong everything,” he sighed. “Strong lungs, strong demands, strong complaints.”

He could hear the amusement in her voice as she said, “Yes, yes, a new baby is difficult. You were hard for us, too, so hard. It takes me back. You sounded just like that. Do all babies sound like it? I don’t think so, I think I know she’s mine by her cry.” He slumped on the edge of the bed, closing his eyes. It was sweet that his parents were so excited about Mi-Cha. While he felt like there would always be a pebble in the shoe of their relationship, their instant love and adoration for the granddaughter they hadn’t even met yet had felt like a new layer of healing over old wounds. But right now, his mother’s sympathy didn’t solve the problem and he was so tired he could barely follow her.

“... so every day after lunch your father would come home from work early and take you so I could sleep for a few hours, and then he’d do it again at midnight. It was odd hours but you just wouldn’t accept anything else; even as a new baby, you had an idea of how the house was going to go!” It was interesting to hear that, seeing as his own memories of childhood didn’t recall his parents being pushovers to his whims. 

But something else caught him, and he asked, “Did Appa have any special tricks? Mi-Cha won’t let go of Y/N. She wants nothing to do with me. I know a mother is the most important but--”

“Appa!” she called, her voice loud through the phone as she forgot to pull away. Jungkook flinched. “Appa! Talk to your son, he wants to know a father thing. I don’t know what you did to Gukka so he’d be quiet with you when he was a-- yes, talk to him.”

The phone changed hands and Jungkook rubbed his forehead as Appa greeted him, asked about the baby, asked about you, and only then said, “Yes, ok, what is the question?”

“Eomeoni says when I was baby, you would take me so she could sleep. Y/N needs to sleep but Mi-Cha just screams all the time. How did you do it?”

“Oh, well, I… I didn’t do anything remarkable,” he said, sounding confused by it. “You were a good baby. We’d just do our thing, father and son.” Jungkook physically cringed, it hurt his stomach; he realized he hadn’t eaten in a while either. He needed to make something better for you both to eat than granola bars and cold noodles. 

“I don’t have a son,” he said, sharper than he would have meant on a normal day.

“Yeah, we didn’t use our dongles!” Appa laughed, loud and easy and relaxed. “What’s different? You can tell me. I kept you and your eomma scented well enough. I’d bundle you up in a little sash against my chest, and off we’d go!”

“Go where?” Jungkook asked, brow lowering. 

“Oh, we just walked. We walked and walked, it was nice,” Appa said. “We watched the leaves change and we’d walk to get fresh bread or rice cakes from the shops. You’d cook with me or sometimes we’d watch TV together if it rained…”

That was the thing. That was the thing Jungkook hadn’t tried yet. He’d been waiting until things felt better, until he felt a connection with Mi-Cha, until he felt like she wanted him to be near her, but now Appa had him wondering if he’d gotten the most obvious thing wrong. 

“I have to go, Appa,” he abruptly said. “Thank you. Tell Eomma thank you.” He hung up before anything else could delay and hoped his parents would understand.

He hurried to the nursery, where he could hear you mumbling to Mi-Cha through the closed door. You looked over from the window where you swayed with Mi-Cha under your chin when he flung the door open, and it struck him again how tired his poor love looked. 

“Go sleep, jagiya,” he said, striding forward. You gave him a crooked smile, certain he was joking. But he was determined to give it a solid effort and pressed his face to your neck.

“Gukka--”

“Shh, jagiya, I’ll scent her in a moment. Let her smell me on you first,” he murmured, nipping his way along your neck, rubbing his nose and chin. Even just that eased the tension in his shoulders he’d started to grow used to again; touching you so closely soothed him, like he too was a needy little baby unwillingly separated from warm, soft, wonderful you. Maybe you felt the same; you sighed and lifted your chin, the saddest little whimper coming from you he’d ever heard. He wrapped his arms around you, embracing Mi-Cha in between, something that usually made her cry but right now she stayed silent.

Because he could, he kissed your chin and your nose and your mouth, a real kiss, the first real one since Mi-Cha had been born. 

“We’ll try this,” he murmured. “Maybe it will work.”

“What will work?”

“I’ll take better care of my girls,” he said. Vague, but you didn’t protest as he dragged his mouth down the other side of your neck, and along your shoulders, and then lower, to the soft little head cradled against your chest. 

“You too, Mi-Cha,” he said gently, brushing his nose as carefully as could be against the back of her head. She smelled like fresh laundry and newness and warmth and some extra thing that was uniquely her, though tied to himself and you. He could recognize this baby anywhere already, he knew that; he could pick her clothing out of a pile, no problem; he could find her no matter how far she wandered once she was mobile.

But now he added his scent directly to her, strong, so there’d be no question about the slight thread of relation. He pressed it to the back of her head and her little shoulder and her arm and leg and her back. You twisted her the other way and he worked his way back up, even peppered little kisses against her face and hair because she wasn’t crying about him being so close. He felt affection blossom in his chest. She wasn’t asleep, but she just lay there quietly under this, as if it was something she wasn’t sure of but understood had to happen. Her wispy hair stuck out funny around her little ears, which had already gained some shape but now looked more like little cat ears. They’d grow fast, he knew, and soon flop like his had in his baby pictures. And probably someday, maybe after puberty, they’d grow a little more, get some more shape to them, and no one would ever cut or tear them. No one would ever touch her little tail, which suddenly brushed against his hand.

“Was that a wag?!” you gasped, noticing it too. “It can’t be! That milestone isn’t until like a month.”

“I don’t know if it was that,” he admitted, but grinned because he’d instantly thought so too, just a little tap like that. “Still, it means she’s strong… Let me try…” Your eyes went wide. You both held your breaths as Jungkook lifted Mi-Cha out of your hold and instead tucked her under his own chin. 

“Shhhh. Hello, Mi-Cha,” he said quietly. He froze, worried the rumble of his voice in his chest would set her off, but she didn’t make a peep.

“She’s still awake,” you said. “But…”

“But she’s not crying.”

“It worked!” you squealed. You pressed your hand to Mi-Cha’s back, adding your own soothing, “There you go, sweet girl. Appa has you now. See? You’re safe and happy with Appa.”

“Y/N,” he whispered. “Go.”

“What?”

“Go sleep! I’ve got her.”

“Oh my god.” You stared at him, like this hadn’t even occurred to you. “Oh my god!” You pressed your hand to your mouth, then kissed them each on the cheek, then fled the room, shuffling as quickly as you could so recently after giving birth. It was almost enough to make him laugh; he could hear the weight with which you hit the bed in their bedroom, like you’d jumped onto it so nothing could pull you back. He hoped you hadn’t actually done that; your incision was still healing!

Mi-Cha stayed quiet beneath his chin. He could feel the tiniest flutter of her breath against his collarbone. But she was only wearing a diaper, freshly changed; you hadn’t dressed her yet and he worried Mi-Cha would be cold in these final days of February, even though the house was warm.

“Ok, princess pup,” he murmured, “You need clothes. Let’s see… let’s see…” He heard the tiniest chirp and bounced over to the small mirror so he could see her reflection. Her eyes were open, looking curiously around, like she was surprised by her own acceptance of this new situation. 

“Damn, you’re cute when you aren’t screaming,” he grinned because damn, he looked pretty cool holding a baby like this. 

It was tricky picking out new clothes for her without risking his grip on her. He wound up sliding her down to nestle in the crook of his arm, and while she refused to let you hold her like this, she deemed it acceptable with Jungkook. The drawers in the closet were full of baby things in all soft hues, though a few fun outfits in darker colors, mostly his friends poking fun of his own fashion style. He picked a cozy green knit sleeper and talked to her as he dressed her, since he had to put her down. She fussed about it, so he moved quickly, tucking in her little feet and little hands, careful that her tail curled comfortably up the back. Eomma had already said she was looking forward to doing all the clothing alterations when she arrived, so Mi-Cha could proudly show off her little tail. 

“You look like a little green bean,” he admitted, lifting her quickly so he could shuffle a swaddle sack into place and tuck her into it. He started to pull a hat on but she fussed enough he left it off. But he still worried her head would get cold, so he found a bigger hat, one that dwarfed her little head when he pulled it down, but she accepted that. “So cozy, so cute,” he narrated, snuggling her back down into his arms. “We won’t go far today for our first adventure. Just to the kitchen to get some food and then back here. We can sit in the comfy chair and watch the flowers grow,” he suggested. “Eomma isn’t far, she’s just sleeping…”

Even after he had eaten carefully around her and returned to ease into the nursery chair, Mi-Cha still hadn’t cried. He worried she’d be getting hungry, but instead her eyelids started to droop as he settled down with her, draping a blanket over them both. She curled up against his chest, little mouth opening and closing a few times in the tiniest yawn. His heart briefly stopped when her little covered hand pressed against his chest and she closed her eyes and dozed right off.

“I see,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry, Mi-Cha. You surprised me in every way. But I made you wait while I sorted my shit out and that’s not right. I’m your appa, it’s my job to make sure you are loved and safe even when you surprise me.” He hunched over to kiss her little nose and stroked her cheek. She looked asleep, her breathing a bit heavier, but he still assured her, “You are loved and safe and I don’t know anything about you yet other than that you’re mine, and that’s enough for now.” He hesitated, then grinned, “And I think you are maybe stubborn too.”

Jungkook had nowhere else to be and nothing else to do that was more important than rocking his daughter, holding her close while she slept, and letting his mate finally get some sleep before you murdered someone.

                                    ------------------------------------

You woke slowly from you nap and stretched, mindful of the C-section scar out of habit though several months after surgery you were feeling pretty good. Your shirt had hiked up while you slept and you glanced down at the smile on your lower belly --that was how Jungkook had described it between kisses along the curve of it a week or so ago and the comparison had lingered. Not that you’d had any doubt, but a new scar was nothing unattractive to Jungkook, once he’d had a few good visits with his therapist to work through the trauma of childbirth. You had not realized ahead of time how upsetting that would be for him, but it explained too the first rough few days in which he’d kept his distance from the small baby whose birth had caused your pain, blinding him briefly to the much greater joy Mi-Cha brought.

You felt bad not to have anticipated that. But how could you have predicted the pain, the fear, the exhilaration, the euphoric joy of holding your fresh little newborn against your chest? Even thinking about it now, as you often did, made your fingers itch to grab those little thighs, brush back the little fluff of hair, or stroke along your daughter’s tail like you’d formed a habit of. Tail! You had known of course that your daughter could have some level of hybrid chimera. You hadn’t expected it to be strange to you after how much time you’d spent with hybrids and that was the only thing you’d predicted correctly: it didn’t seem unusual to you at all. Every centimeter of that baby was beloved and precious and perfect. You spent hours going over every bit of your baby, relishing in every dimple, every downy patch of hair, every little blink and hiccup and murmur. 

Fears that you would have a baby and not know what to do with it? Absolutely the truth, you still couldn’t believe you had a baby, and it still felt like you were living hour to hour trying to keep Mi-Cha fed, bathed, and entertained.

Fear that you would have a baby and not love it? Absolutely unfounded. Even once the baby was an impossible being in your arms, no longer a series of flickers and thuds within your belly, you’d loved her. Even when that tiny baby had pushed you to the brink of collapse, when you and Jungkook had cried together in shared frustration, even when Mi-Cha had ruined not one but two of your shirts with diaper explosions, even then your love had been unshakeable. Maybe not your nerves or patience, but your love.

Now the quiet house was disorienting, even though you knew it was nothing to be worried about. Jungkook took her out for a walk just about every day at this time, so you could have a rest before Jungkook would head out to the restaurant for his evening shift if he had one. You didn’t know how long he’d be gone or when he’d return so you sent him a quick text letting him know you were awake. 

[JK<3]: on my way how’s mi-cha doing? I miss her [Y/N]: very funny

You cut up an apple and wandered outside so you could watch Jungkook arrive. Sometimes they biked and sometimes they drove in a cart if you were going along but today he’d walked. With your apple slices cupped in your hand, you stood on the wooden front porch and watched him come down the road, a flowery sunbrella shielding himself and the baby from the spring sunshine. He was flushed and sweaty from the walk by the time he stepped up and Mi-Cha’s head turned side to side from where Jungkook had her wedged in the front carrier; she could obviously sense you.

“My sweet baby,” you cooed, leaning down into view and stroking her hair where the headband with the big black bow didn’t cover it. The bow matched the little romper she had on, black and red polka dots with an all-black diaper cover. She looked like a little ladybug and it was definitely not what you had put her in but Jungkook, you had learned, found a lot of enjoyment in carefully choosing Mi-Cha’s outfits for their walks. He liked her in matchy-sets, whereas you really just put on whatever was clean and within reach --because it usually didn’t stay clean for long. She’d developed pretty bad acid reflux, which meant she spit up a lot and preferred to be upright and held, none of which her daddy minded at all. He’d proclaim “Time for a wardrobe change” every time he hauled her off to clean her up.

“Where were you too off to today?” you asked as Jungkook brushed past you to toss the diaper bag down just inside the door. You always smiled to see it, because Seokjin had tried to buy him a sleek black leather “dad-bag” that even you had expected him to love, and Jungkook had gone off about how dads didn’t need separate bags and who cared if this one had yellow and green pastel polka dots, and if anyone had a problem with it they could fucking fight him. 

“Mr. Moon,” he answered. You helped him untie and unbutton and untwist to pull Mi-Cha out of the carrier and took a moment to cradle Mi-Cha to your chest and kiss and nuzzle her face. Even though no scent really got applied, Mi-Cha loved it, and Jungkook had assured you there was a little of your smell that transferred. Mi-Cha gurgled and kneaded her fingers against your shirt, her little tail thump-thumping against your arm. 

“How’s he doing?” you finally answered. Jungkook gave you a look that said enough. His health had continued to deteriorate; Alya had earned her nursing license just in time to become his full-time caretaker. You knew the end was going to be incredibly difficult for Jungkook, who’d taken to Mr. Moon like a long-lost grandson so long ago. You were glad he still spent his afternoons there with Mi-Cha so often. 

The sudden kiss surprised you from the sad thought, and you leaned into it, smiling as his fingers brushed your arm.

“Hm,” you hummed. “Hello.” His bashful smile melted your heart as he made to turn away, but you leaned forward for one more kiss. You had been working on this lately, making a point of physical affection with each other. Mi-Cha had dominated both of your attentions for almost three months now and that wasn’t going to stop any time soon, but you both had admitted that you missed each other. So you had agreed to kiss more, touch more, without reason or explanation.  “I love you,” you murmured, brushing your nose against his jaw.

“I love you too,” came the reply, still music to your ears. Mi-Cha chirped and squeaked, and immediately both parents looked down at her. 

“It was a good walk,” Jungkook said, brushing Mi-Cha’s ear with his finger. “She smiles a lot at other people. I think she’ll be bright like you.”

“Bright,” you repeated. “Such a cute way to say that. But you’re forgetting how moody she gets when she doesn’t get what she wants, or if there’s too much noise, or--”

“Her ears are sensitive.”

“Ya, I know about her ears,” you teased. “Come on, you should drink some water. She’s probably about ready to eat too, unless she had a bottle.”

“She had a bottle,” he confirmed. 

“Ah, what a good girl you were for daddy today,” you cooed, swaying and bouncing her as you walked inside. “Are you going to be so good for mommy tonight?”

“I’m not working tonight.”

“Oh. I forgot--”

“That’s ok. I wrote it down.”

“I’m sure you did. The days sort of run together right now…”

He gave you a sympathetic touch on the shoulder, knowing how doubly exhausting that was, and assured you, “It’s ok. We’ll have a nice night in… unless you want to go out?” You had gone to dinner at Hoseok’s and his fiance’s place the night before though, and eaten an early dinner at the main house the night before that. It turned out, maternity leave was only as lonely and isolating as you let it be here. You had feared your social support would evaporate once Jungkook’s parents went home after two weeks but you only had to lift your phone or step out your door to find a Sanctuary’s worth of family eager to help.

Mi-Cha’s little mouth pressed against your collarbone, little tongue lapping at your skin. For most babies, that meant hunger, a rooting response meant as a gentle, early threat. But Mi-Cha liked to make things a little complicated by having a second behavior that was similar but not identical to rooting. Her little mouth latching onto something that was very clearly not a nipple for this adorable and maybe odd child meant she was sleepy. 

“Ah, she’s worn out,” Jungkook sighed, stepping close and touching her back as well as yours. “She was very busy at Mr. Moon’s…”

“Doing what? Is she finally painting?”

He snickered and corrected, “Looking, listening, fussing, holding onto pencils and paintbrushes we put in her hand.”

“Trying to make her a little protegee?” 

He looked serious as he answered, “No, no. We’ll see if she likes painting. She doesn’t have to like painting.” Mi-Cha sucked a little harder, then pulled off and let out a warning fuss.

“All right, sweet one,” you apologized. “Let’s check your diaper and then to sleep.”

“I just changed her, I think she’s fine,” Jungkook insisted, leaning down to sniff her diaper. It was more a gesture than anything though; he could always tell the second she was wet or poopy, even from across the house. At first you had envied him this immediate recognition, but there had been enough really bad diapers that had left Jungkook looking pretty green that now you thought your human sense of smell was maybe not such a bad thing. 

Together you went to the nursery. Despite Jungkook just spending the whole afternoon with Mi-Cha, you could sense his eagerness to still hold her. You felt the same way, desperate to keep that soft, warm little body close after your arms had been empty for that same time; you’d felt the emptiness even in sleep. Even now when you napped, you would sometimes startle awake, reaching for a baby you had dreamed was falling, only to realize no baby was there, and you wouldn’t have left Mi-Cha in a dangerous place to begin with.

So you motioned Jungkook to the glider, then curled up on his lap with Mi-Cha tucked in with you. The deep sigh from Jungkook left no secret how happy he was to have both his girls close. Both his girls. You melted every time you heard him say that. How silly of him to have doubted he could figure out a baby girl, as he’d admitted to you. Those fears hadn’t completely left him, but you knew and he tried to believe you that he’d figure out any other “daughter demands” just like he had changing a daughter’s diaper. He even had a little song he sang to Mi-Cha when he did it! Front to back, just like that; wipe wipe wipe, hush don’t gripe; clean the way, tummy to tail, and then put-a-new-diaper-on-quick-before-you-pee-on-me-again. 

Jungkook was right about one thing regarding Mi-Cha: her emotions were bright and loud and she didn’t hide them. She felt safe and comfortable and loved, you were certain that was why she was so forthright with her happiness, her impatience, and her tiny baby rage that sometimes poked out. Mostly though she was happy, and it showed in the steady little flick of that tail and the curve of her mouth into a sleepy smile as she chomped down on the pacifier Jungkook had finally been convinced would not doom her teeth for life before they’d even grown in. 

“She’s so perfect,” you sighed, an infinite refrain. “I think she’s even prettier now that we get to sleep sometimes.” Jungkook rocked you slowly and brushed his finger against Mi-Cha’s thigh, making her twitch and kick and curl closer to your chest, as if seeking protection. “Let her sleep,” you jokingly scolded.

“Ah, it’s boring when she sleeps, I think…”

“I know,” you admitted. “At least you got to see her all afternoon, I was just asleep and now she’s going to sleep.” Your low voices didn’t seem to bother your daughter at all; she was used to this, after all, being cradled by both her parents as she dozed off. Jungkook’s mother thought they were crazy to let the bedtime routine be so long and drawn out and maybe you’d regret it eventually, but right now, just holding her as she fell asleep was so perfect.

“You were up with her at four-thirty in the morning,” Jungkook pointed out. “After she was already up at one.”

“Yeah… someday when she’s all grown up, we should wake her up as much as she wakes us up.”

“She won’t think we’re as cute as we think she is,” Jungkook pointed out.

“That’s sort of the point of revenge.”

He chuckled and turned the glider slowly so you could see out the window, angled so Mi-Cha’s face stayed in the shadows. Sitting in this glider, watching the flowers erupt from their winter slumber during the early weeks home with Mi-Cha had been magical and surreal. You would never think of early spring the same way again. It would now always remind you of those early days of parenthood with Jungkook by your side. 

“I hope the flowers are still beautiful for her 100 Day celebration,” you mused. Jungkook’s parents would be back again next week and your grandparents were flying in to meet her for the very first time --later than they had hoped, after you grandfather had been too sick to travel after contracting some disease at the site of their latest sanctuary project. He’d pulled through fine but it had scared you; the party would be emotional for many reasons.

“Shhhh.”

“Huh?”

“You are stressed about it,” Jungkook observed. “I know. But it doesn’t matter. No one will notice the flowers because they will just notice Mi-Cha. And no one will care if the party isn’t perfect because it will be just because we’re together.”

“When did you get so wise?” you teased.

“I’m a father now, I’m supposed to be wise.” At your glare, he grinned, “I know you. I know you want to do things to show you care but she knows. I know. Everyone knows.”

“That’s rich coming from the man who gets her dressed for the runway just for a walk down the street,” you teased.

“She likes it,” he defended, carefully reaching around to gently pull the bow off their sleeping baby’s head so she could rest more comfortably. “I don’t like this one as much, I think it’s scratchy, but I think that’s why she likes it.”

“Do you think her ears are still dry?” you frowned, leaning in to look.

“I put the lotion on.”

“I know you did… maybe we should try an oil instead… they look good though. Maybe she just likes the bow,” you conceded. It amused you, thinking about Jungkook trying on different bows and hats and headbands for your infant daughter who couldn’t even sit up on her own. And then nodding as if she’d made her preference known. And then building an outfit around her choice. “You’re so cute, Jungkook.”

“I’m… whatever. I’m just-- it’s just whatever. I don’t mind bows, if that’s what she likes. Or whatever else she likes.”

“You’re not worried she’s going to be into fighting anymore?”

Jungkook tossed the bow over to the basket and answered, “Someday when the time is right, I’ll teach her just enough to make sure she never has to actually fight. Just enough to make someone stop if they’re bothering her. Just in case she’s like you and attracts trouble.”

“I don’t!” you defended. He grinned and kissed you breathless. “Unless you mean that you’re trouble. I sure attracted you.”

“It’s not a very good joke…”

“You’re a turd.”

“Don’t let our daughter hear that,” he playfully growled. “She has sensitive ears.”

You laughed and pressed your nose to his, your arms full of your daughter who’d melted into a warm little pile of mush when she’d fallen asleep, your heart full of love for both of these people.

“Is it as good as you dreamed after all?” you asked.

Jungkook’s furrowed brow could be felt against yours as he insisted, “You’re the dreamer, not me. I never can dream as good as things with you will be. I can’t dream good enough. Everything in our lives is… beyond.”

“Yeah,” you agreed before stealing one more kiss. “Everything in our lives is beyond.”

[ailendolin]

Oh oh! Me me me! For the Fanfic Ask Game: C, D for To love and let go, and E for Epilopteran Love ♡♡♡

What does it say about me that I actually had to look up what fic To love and let go was? 😅 I can't believe I've written so many fics now I can't remember them all anymore.

C: What character do you identify with most?

I think I identify more with the general theme of this fic rather than any specific characters. Because we've all had moments in our lives where we were about to do something we think is right (like Mobius and Loki) even though our heart tells us it's wrong, haven’t we? And we’ve all had a Sylvie who gave us a nudge in the right direction and helped us figure out that we should listen to our hearts. We've been everyone at some point in our lives, sometimes needing advice and sometimes giving it, and I hope whenever it was up to me to give it I did a good job.

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with To love and let go?

I don’t really make playlists for my fics and I rarely listen to specific songs while writing them. But I think one song that would fit Loki and the situation he thinks he’s in would be You Learn To Live Without from If/Then. It’s a song about moving on from someone, about learning how to navigate your life without them. The specific lyrics don’t matter – it’s more about this feeling of being reminded of this person all the time and trying not to let it get to you, trying not to let it show.

You learn to speak so calmly When your heart would like to scream and shout You learn to stop and breathe and smile You learn to live without

E: If you wrote a sequel to Lepidopteran Love, what would it be about?

Why do you remind me of this fic? 😂 I still think I went a little crazy with that prompt back then but oh well. If I ever wrote a sequel to it, I think I’d like to find a way to include Lauri and the baby. Maybe turn the Blake farm into a sanctuary for malfunctioning bots or something and make Laurie one of them. Leslie wound find her on accident in an abandoned building where she hid away with a human baby she found somewhere, left outside in a box, and bring them both to the farm. And then it sort of becomes a thing, bringing home bots that don't work quite right, and while Leslie and Tom bond over bringing home strays, Joe sits in the corner and just rolls his eyes at them fondly.

Ask game can be found here.

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