#like no thats not a dream scenario you just want to be treated normally...

[cconfusedkat]

Okay i promise this was not why i made all four drawings of the bishops its reference for another thing im doing but. That aside my autism is too strong for me so of course i just have to always make my favs kiss and by that i mean all the bishops trying to get a way with lamb ,, save them from this hell /j id still have to make narinders so ill add that later BUT. I do also plan on making another one of these ship memes,, bear with me i am normal about them i swear

[midnightmisadventures]

...Hi union vlog

ughhhhhhh ive been avoiding this all day i really dont know why.

I had such! such such such a big Liam dream last night and all day ive treated it like chopped liver.

Um but it was like....holy shit. When it was going on and as soon as i woke up.

I can't even begin to tell you.....the context but ive been dreaming about waking up and going to school and missing the bus/and taking a new bus.

So the latest in the lore is that if i dont get out by like 7:15 - 7:18am im gonna miss it. And i keep *waking up* and seeing 7:22

So thats been happening over a couple dreams as well as....all the other stuff. Especially like the concert tonight in a field vibes.....camping under that back tree vibes.

Lmao GIBBERISH to someone who doesnt live in my mind.

Anyway, um, so i was with Jenna and we were going on the new bus in the morning. It picked us up in front of chip

and we go on the bus, its like 50% full. Like there was enough room for jenna and i to grab separate seats.

All of a sudden i remember kekeing and giggling it up in a squad of guys and liam was there??

He was so hot and beautiful and full of life. It was very warm summer day near the end of school year vibes. And it was so great, eventually he came to my seat.

And i could feel like....we hadnt talked about it. But suddenly it was communicated that we still love eachother ig? or that we both are still into eachother but obviously being the one rejected in this scenario i was taken aback by how aggressive he was being

Like it was happening so fast. Very much in a school crush cute way but regardless like....highschool me would be like omg blushing

So he went to my seat and was like started holding me, and moving hair out of my face type beat. And everyone else is laughing and joking so it was hard to focus, and i was happy that liam was being publicly affectionate so i didnt want anyone else to think that i didnt like it...or that it wasnt normal.

So i didnt have time to exactly be like.....uhh whats the change of heart to Liam. Like we hadnt talked at all and he was acting like it was fall 2021. Except actually acting like my boyfriend. And not like he wasnt aware that we werent on good terms he was just not addressing it lol

Which is fine we were on the school bus lmao?? paying homage to highschool me being so dramatic

It just caught me off guard. And i was scared to put on the spot.

In fact, when he came in my seat i kinda gave him a look like "okay?"and he just looked at me and pouted. SO hot. But it was almost like "forgive me?" and then he came closer

So now we're in the group convo but his arms are around me, im basically sitting on his lap, our backs basically against the window.

And we were laughing and he was looking at me, and our faces were so close and then he kissed me......AND THEN KEPT KISSING ME

And i was losing my mind i was soooo caught of guard. Cause now we were just casually making out....in front of everyone....and the only difference between me typing and me in the dream is a quick pouty face.

So whatever, we stopped, but now im just on top of him, being cuddly. And i start talking with him more straight up cause....like this man just kissed me out of nowhere i thought we were playing it up for the crowd

And then we got off the bus, and he immediately held my hand and started walking and as soon as we got a little bit of distance from everyone i was very laughy and jokingly like "okay wtff, whats up with you? what happened. Last i checked you hated me" and he was like being cheeky, "what do you mean, i dont know what your talking about" being sarcastic like he doesn't know.

All while pulling my arm, wearing sunglasses and looking up like we're a couple going on a stroll

So im like "im literally blocked?? on everything?? like liam!"

So he said something along the lines of? "oh okay, well thats easy. I;ll just unblock you" and then he said let's go out tomorrow, like lets meetup and go for lunch or dinner and you'll be unblocked.

and "oh okay, i'll just unblock you and then i'll message you about getting dinner"

Basically joking saying let me take you on a date and i'll unblock you

and i was just like i cant believe this is happening. So we go our separate ways. And im alone for the first time and im like...i dont even know what to do first. Do i freak out about Liam finally kissing me? or that im seeing him again tomorrow? Do i check if im still blocked

I was coming to tumblr like.....speechless on what to type here. Guys like...just made out with liam.

But i was like NO this needs a REAL doc. Hi FUCKING union vlog mutherfuckass

Um....i dont remember much else. I was freaking out, because

he finally did it.

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

[perriwinklesblog]

There are so many possible endings for the egg arc but the one I’d love the most would be a confrontation with Bad.

Once again I got carried away and wrote something way too long.

I know we have many battles and the game would limit the actual things I’m describing but just imagine if they were able to have like the natural disaster mod on the server. Like the wind whipping around as the egg starts the crack the ground. During all of that you have the eggheads versus the others who are trying to destroy the egg before it destroys them. 

Puffy is trying her hardest but every time she gets close the egg physically pushes her back. Purpled is trying to snipe from a distance when Punz confronts him. Sam and Ponk are pushed into a corner by Antfrost and Bad before Puffy backs them up. 

Eventually they regroup, heal slightly but the situation outside is getting worse. 

Puffy: If we can get past Bad and Ant then we can drop TNT on the thing and run. One shot, one shot is all we need. We cannot physically touch it but that doesn’t mean we can’t throw explosives at it. 

Ponk: I don’t think we can even get close to them! Have you seen the weather out there? That is crazy man, I swear I was going to be shot into the sky. 

Purpled: If I deal with Punz then you wouldn’t have a sniper on you. That takes out one threat. I can’t deal with him by myself, I need the back up. Ponk?

Ponk: Huh? What? Me?

Puffy: We’re running out of options. 

Ponk: Goddamn. Alright. 

Puffy: I can try and lure out Ant from Bad and the egg’s side. Hopefully he’s weaker away from the egg. 

Sam: I guess that leaves me with Bad and the TNT. 

Puffy: Yeah. Well you are the creeper King right?

Sam: Hm. I guess so. Alright. Do not kill unless absolutely necessary. I mean it. 

Ponk: Yeah yeah. 

And so they get back to it. The buildings around them are starting to look a lot like the L’Manhole. The wind has picked up and every now and then things are flying through the air. One by one everyone enacts their plans. Ponk and Purpled deal with Punz. Puffy lures Ant out and Sam confronts Bad. 

Bad: Sam. There is no point in fighting. You’ve already lost. Look at this place! Look what the egg has done! Isn’t it beautiful? Come on Sam. I know you hear it too. Just embrace it. There is no need for this foolish fight. We can all live in peace with the egg. 

Sam: Bad. Look around you, this isn’t peace! There would be nothing to live with if we let this thing win. 

Bad: It just needs some sustenance. And as soon as you and Puffy hand over Tommy, all of this will stop. 

Sam: He’s a child, Bad. He’s gone through enough.

Bad: He has done enough to this server. 

Sam: This is no way to deal with it. What is really the route of this Bad? What did  it offer you? What does it say to you?

Bad: What does it offer you Sam? What does it offer anyone! Their hearts desires! Happiness! 

Sam: It told me to kill Fran. That is not happiness. That is not my desire. 

Bad: No, no no. You don’t understand. You clearly haven’t spoken to the egg properly. 

Sam: What did it offer you Bad? What did it ask you to do? What did you sacrifice for this Bad? What did it ask you to kill? Was it Skeppy? How long have you been corrupted? Did it get you to sacrifice Skeppy so he would stay with you? Stay by you? Or did you sacrifice yourself so you’d be with Skeppy? If you’re both under the influence of the egg, both corrupted, both on the same side then there would be no arguing, there would be not tension between the two of you? Was that it? Bad, it didn’t work. It drove him further away from you.

Bad: No. You all did. Your meddling set things off course. If you all had just succumbed-

Sam: Bad. Listen to yourself. Really listen. Don’t listen to the egg and I know it’s hard, its whispering can be so loud sometimes, it can be overwhelming. You just want to relax into the words, let it wash over you and forget the pain but thats not how you deal with life Bad. You’re fed up with the way people treated you? With the way we’ve all treated you. I know how often we’ve pushed you aside. Fundy told us what this place was meant to be, what he asked you to do but it turned out he lied to you. We all haven’t taken you seriously and Bad I am truly, truly sorry about that. I really am. None of us listened to you. All you had was Skeppy but then he... Skeppy was your friend and you two had a fight. You drifted apart a bit and it was scary because this was your best friend, this was your family and you felt like they were leaving you right? And he had seemed like the only person that listened but now he was gone and it hurt. That hurts. The pain, that agonising pain, the grief, it hurt you and this thing, it’s taking advantage of that, Bad. This isn’t how you deal with it. This isn’t how you heal. Forcing the pain onto others isn’t how you heal. We all need to do better and it’s not always going to be easy but we will try, we will try together. Skeppy isn’t gone forever, your friendship with him isn’t gone forever. We aren’t going. I’m not going. Please Bad. Help me put an end to this. Let me free you. Please. 

Bad: You all think I’m a joke.

Sam: I’m so sorry. 

Bad: He was my best friend Sam. Skeppy was my best friend but the egg, it forced us apart and then it promised me it could bring us together again. I just had to do as it said. 

Sam: I know, Bad. It’s really persuasive. Step away from it. 

Bad: No. I can’t. This is the only way Sam-I.

Sam: There is always another way, we just need to find it okay? We will find it. 

Bad: I-

So like whilst they’re speaking its just been getting crazier and eventually Ant manages to back Puffy into a corner and either takes one of her canon lives, placing her away from the main fight or forces her to retreat once more. Upon “defeating” Puffy, Ant returns to the room where Bad and Sam have been monologuing. 

Ant: Don’t listen to him Bad. He’s lying to you. 

Sam: Antfrost. Where is Puffy?  

Ant: I’m not entirely sure but it doesn’t matter now does it. Come on Bad. If we can’t give the egg Tommy, we can give it Sam. 

Bad: No, that wasn’t the plan-

Ant: Plans change. They’re adaptable. 

Bad: But-

Sam: BAD GET DOWN!

And Sam just lets off the TNT. Bad and Sam run for cover, taking some of the damage but not dying. Antfrost screams no as he rushes towards the egg. Puffy manages to run into the area, as it explodes, she shelters behind something panicking about everyones safety. Purpled, Ponk and Punz stop fighting to watch what's happening. Punz grabs his head as a loud piercing noise is heard. Back in the room. Sam and Bad are both covering their ears as they too can hear the noise form the egg. Anyone the egg has spoken too can hear the noise from the egg. 

Once the dust settles, Ant is no where to be seen and there is a hole where the egg used to be. But it isn’t a bedrock hole, no its a void. Just emptiness (I realise this also probably couldn’t be done but just for this scenario, imagine). Everything is eerily quiet. 

Bad: Ant!? ANT?

Sam: Where the fuck did he go? 

Puffy: Sam!? Sam!? Are you still here? Sam where are you? 

Sam: Puffy? We’re over here!

Puffy: Are you two okay? Where’s Antfrost? 

Sam: I-I don’t know. What is that? 

Bad: Nothing. Everything. It’s just emptiness. 

Puffy: Let me just cover it up. Do you think thats where how far the roots went down? Out the earth?

Sam: Possibly. Bad? 

Bad: It’s quiet. 

No one says anything else but Puffy and Sam go to bad and hold him as he cries. Soon Ponk, Purpled and the others arrive to see the destruction of the egg. The remnants of vines still all over the place but the root of the plant gone. They slowly leave the place and head towards Puffy’s (new) house where Bad rests. One by one people rest for the night, waiting until tomorrow to start anew and rebuild what was lost. 

Sam and Puffy watch the sunset together.

Puffy: I can’t find Antfrost. I don’t know what happened to him. 

Sam: We’ll find him. Don’t worry. 

Puffy: What if he...

Sam: I’m sure he still had his lives. Plus he’s a cat. Surely he had extra. And we still have Dream. 

Puffy: I’d rather not call in a favour from him. 

Sam: Agreed. 

Puffy: The voice really gone?

Sam: As far as I can tell, yes. 

Puffy: It doesn’t feel like it’s quite over you know? I feel like until I’ve see Antfrost, until I know he’s no longer corrupted, I’m never going to be quite at ease. 

Sam: I can get that but we can’t control everything. We’ll sort each problem as we get to it. One day at a time, one second at a time. 

Puffy: Yeah. Man, my therapy office is going to be busy. 

Sam: Pfft. Got room for one more?

Puffy: Always. 

In the distance, Antfrost appears. Eyes are normal. Skin is normal. Everything appears normal. But something isn’t quite right. Something is off. A faint whisper in the wind he blinks and for a second his eyes appear red before going back to normal. A smile appears on his face. He fades into the shadows. 

[ragnvindrbrainrot]

"You're Mine."

Character: Childe

Request: Yeah from my own horny brain 😩

Warnings: Softcore Yandere, 18+ themes, violence ig? bondage, knife play, sadomasochism, mention of master/server kink, slight degradation?

Words: 1.2k of pure thirstiness babey

okay first of all Childe is devoted to his partner regardless of being yandere so jot that down real quick

normally when Childe is interested in someone he wont mind playfully reciprocating when a stranger is flirting with him in an attemp to make his interest jealous

however with you the idea that Childe could give the impression of not wanting you? of not needing you? that he doesn't have you on his mind and your name on the tip of his tongue every waking moment his job forces him away from you?

he'd literally rather die lmao

Childe kind of,,,, he's like a dog lol has to make sure people know what's his

before he starts charming you if someone's checking you out the moment you turn away from Childe that man is slinging an arm over your shoulders and playing up his cheerful carefree act

but don't be mistaken. under that smile is a scorching glare directed at anyone who even dares to look at you in a way he deems "rude", or "lusty" which could be anything from admiring the way sunlight catches on your hair to having the gall to not notice your beauty 🥴

and if someone dares to flirt with you? it doesn't matter if he's not there when they do. after all as a harbinger its not like the fatui lackeys are going to question his orders to watch over you and report any, shall we say, discrepancies then well. he'll just have to handle it won't he?

not to mention archons forbid the flirter makes you uncomfortable, some things Childe has learned while working for the fatui are suddenly a lot more useful

anyway,,, moving on to what we're all here for lol

Childe might come off as careless and harsh, perhaps even sometimes dismissive in certain scenarios (bro u aint ever paying for a single thing again in ur entire life if he can help it💀) but when the night rolls in? and its just the two of you with no one around to report his "weakness" to the tsaritsa?

oh he worships you

he has all manner of things he wants to say and do to you but most of all the things Childe needs most is you in pleasure, anything you want, anything you ask for as long as it doesn't let another see you coming undone Childe gives it to you without a second thought

okay so some specific ones that made me really go 🥴 and commit to typing this up haha

bondage. thats it thats the hc (jk jk)

silk ropes, handcuffs, spread bars, hell even his scarf, no especially his scarf Childe is always breathless at the sight of you tied up and at his mercy

the knowledge that it's only him that gets to see you like this? that you, with how strong you are don't hesitate to give complete and utter control over to him simply because you trust him to take care of you? ooohhhh it sends shivers down his spine

he lavishes you with kisses up and down and up and down your torso leaving little nibbles and hickeys wherever he wants and feeling his chest fill with pride at the way your whimpers and moans echo around the room

also im not saying hes a sadomasochist but hes absolutely a sadomasochist haha

his madochist side refuses to let himself cum until you have at least twice and even then Childe is still more focused on giving you pleasure then taking it for himself

throw back to that point that he'd give you anything you ask? ask to dominate him and pretty please tie me up, choke me, use me in whichever way you as long as he's blessed with the sight of you in the throes of pleasure his master/mistress

okay moving on to sadist Childe don't mind if i do mmMmMmm 🥴🥴🥴

ask him to be rough with you and you might have to pray to the nearest archon for oxygen because it makes him so excited he kisses you quite literally breathless

just look okay the idea of you letting Childe be rough with you, tugging you around by ropes or his scarf, pulling on your hair to remind you to keep your eyes open so he can see the way they roll back into your skull when he brings you over the edge

he loves the fact you like the marks he leaves all over you and how you can get shy when people gossip about your hickeys

choking? fuck man he choked on air when you brought it up 🥴 the fact that you're willing to put your life in his hands? in the most literal sense of the words while being so intimate gives him a hard on so painfull he thinks he might just cum on the spot

pushes you down on the bed, one hand around your neck the other in your hair tugging it every time he sees your eyes flutter shut, and as he thrusts harshly into you he whispers every filthly thought that pops into his head

"you're mine, only mine sweetheart"

"mine to use, mine to love, mine to wreck"

"only I get to see you like this, tied up and begging with tears in your eyes as i make you cum over and over and over again"

"they can dream all they like but at the end of the day you belong to me, your heart, your mind, your body, your pleasure, its all mine. isn't it, darling?"

"next time someone dares to flirt with what's mine, I might just have to show them, though of course then i'd have to kill them after all haha!"

okay so moving on to a unpopular kink of mine i just KNOW Childe would moan to think about 🥴

knife play baby and since he can make daggers w his vision lets just combine the two to make knife+vision play

loves the heady feeling he gets at seeing blood beading at the light cuts he skims across youre skin, but don't worry Childe will follow his hydro blades with his tongue pushing down and dragging it along the cut loving how it makes you squirm and whine in a beautiful mix of pleasure and pain

also aftercare with this man? prepare to be treated like a god/goddess

need a drink? of course! feeling hungry darling? why just tell him what you want to eat and Childe will get it right away

on top of that if you want a shower but don't have the energy to stand up don't worry Childe will carry there and wash away all the sweat and cum from your session

Childe will run you a shallow bath after washing the grime away, warm water and bath salts to soothe any aches and leave you to soak while he cleans up the bed, changing the sheets swapping the blanket and picking out clothes for you to sleep in (one of his shirts of course 🥴)

after all that he comes back and slides into the bath behind you, peppering soft kisses to your neck and shoulders all the while whispering praises about how wonderful you are, how much he loves you, the fact you make him feel whole in a way he didn't know he was lacking

unsurprisingly you probably fall asleep in the bath to his sweet praises, but thats okay : ) Childe will drain the bath and dry you off softly and put your sleeping clothes on before carrying you to bed where he wraps you up into his arms and blankets

the next morning you wake up to a lingering kiss, hooded eyelids and the smell of breakfast as Childe spends the few minutes he has left before leaving for work looking after your wellbeing

[libra-araelty]

Hello!

My name is Neo. I am a neurodivergent young adult from the United States.

Neurodivergent, you say?

Yes! Neurodivergent means my brain does not function the same way that a typical human does. However that does not stop me from living a normal, everyday life just like everyone else!

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MaDD), and Dyscalculia, all diagnosed. It is also highly suspected that i have Bipolar Disorder and Trichotillomania (TTM), suggested to me by people who have either condition.

Being subject to these conditions, I have quite a few struggles in my daily life. I have sensory issues, so things like uncomfortable clothes and strong scents can make it so I’m unable to function at full capacity. If these sensory issues are pushed further and further, I am at risk of going into a sensory overload or a meltdown. That only happens very rarely for me, though.

My attention span is very flaky, and I have a difficult time staying on one topic for long periods of time. I need constant changing stimuli for me to not burn out while on a task. This ironically contributes to hyperfixation, an intense focus on one particular thing for a period of time. I know, that seems like the opposite of what I said before, but they are linked. See, hyperfixation isn’t exactly something that can be forced. When hyperfocusing, I may not be able to take myself out of that particular focus, and it consumes all my thoughts for however long my brain decides to hyperfixate on it. This contributes to my flaky attention span because instead of being able to force myself to focus on something im supposed to be doing, instead the brain goes “no, you’re going to think about this one thing and we’re going to make it very hard for you to focus on anything BUT this one thing. Special Interests (SI’s) follow a similar, yet more intense pattern. SI’s last much longer, if not lifelong for me. Theyre more prominent and effective on my life than my hyperfixations.

This is where MaDD comes into play. MaDD is a condition that can be adopted and unlearned. The DSM doesn’t recognize it as an official disorder, but it is a condition that exists in many people, especially people with attention or anxiety related contitions. MaDD shares a lot of traits with cases of addiction too, however this one is much easier to take control of and is not exactly harmful. The first word, maladaptive, can be broken in half: Mal and Adaptive. Mal means bad or poor, and adaptive means the ability to adapt. Maladaptive Daydreaming basically means daydreaming that causes poor adaptation skills. MaDDers are typically those who have conditions like Autism, AD(H)D, OCD, General Anxiety, and Dyslexia. Most people adopt the technique of Maladaptive Daydreaming in their childhood or early teens and if not caught early on, can last their entire lives. However, MaDD isn’t essentially a harmful thing. Like I said, it’s easily controlled. You may be asking, “what exactly is it about MaDD that causes poor adaptation? its just daydreaming.” MaDDers daydream at an average of 6 hours minimum a day. These daydreams are intense and easily triggered by everyday things like music, art, friends, even normal emotional events. MaDDers tend to use these dreams as an escape from reality but also a reality of their own, like a lucid dream but for your waking self. The daydreams tend to have intricately woven worlds, stories, chracters, and plots, all feeling just as real to the dreamer as the rest of life itself. MaDDers tend to daydream to escape real situations they may not want to be a part of and sometimes even cancel plans just to continue to daydream.

Why are you telling me all of this? This all seems so personal and insignificant to me.

This is FAR from insignificant to anyone. You may not be Autistic or a MaDDer or even neurodivergent, but I know that as a human being you still have lots of struggles, just like me. Ive told you all about my struggles and you’re probably thinking “wow how pathetic, they cant control their own brain.” Yeah actually, I can. Even if you weren’t thinking that, (which I actually highly doubt anyone was thinking that I just wanted to put an example of worst case scenario) what if I told you that no matter what, no matter who you were or what you were going through, you can still grab hold of yourself and make your life yours? You better believe it, because despite all the conditions I just told you I have, I have taught myself to make my own path in life and not let my struggles decide what my fate is. I believe anything is possible with a little patience and elbow grease, so thats why I have made this blog. It is sorta a combination of a journal, an advice blog, and an inspirational quote blog. I want to be able to share my knowledge of my identity and experiences in order to hopefully inspire someone to get up out of the hole theyre stuck in and make their life their own again! I love the conditions I have, and I use their benefits as my superpowers and dont let the negative aspects of them hold me back. They are a part of me and who I am and I will treat them with just as much love and care as I should treat myself, and hopefully you can treat yourself with the same amount of love too <3

With love,

Neo

P.S.

Heres a couple more fun facts about me!

My biggest special interests are Homestuck, Dragons, and literally just identity in general and have been special to me for almost 5 years now

I love music and my favorite artists are Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, OneRepublic, Vance Joy, hi i’m Case, Of Monsters and Men, and Watsky!

I love to draw and play D&D! I love the character creation and I’m currently working on my own campaign

My personality labels are Sun Libra, Moon Sagittarius, Rising Taurus, INTP-T, 5w4, 541, Ravenclaw, Thunderbird, Seer of Heart, Dersian, True Neutral, Blue-Green Paladin, Firebender, and Skywing Elf

If I were a D&D character I’d be a true neutral forest gnome sorcerer sage who wields a katana and raises dragons

My favorite movies are How To Train Your Dragon (1&2), It, Star Wars, and Pete’s Dragon (2016). My favorite shows are The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, The Dragon Prince, Camp Camp, Gravity Falls, Twelve Forever and The Mandalorian

I love making aesthetics and stimboards, my favorite colors are blue violet, cornflower, sapphire, teal, spring green, and bubblegum pink. I love pastel kawaii fashion because of these colors

I either want to become a cartoonist or a counselor as a career, or both and be able to use one to help the other

[emetkoto]

What do you think would happen if we wound time back to when Mira was but a kitten, and had her meet strade then? Do you think that he would treat here like a normal child and foster her? Or, do you think he would corrupt her right off the bat?

hmmmmmm....im general i just like to think that strade doesnt mess with kids/minors under 18. just does not give them the time of day bc hes the worst but he is not THE WORST...let me dream ok. if i can give him one shred of morality let it be this.

for someone who didnt really want to think about this i sure had a lot of thoughts about it huh

dont worry i avoided grossness for this just put it under a readmore bc its long

but lets say, somehow, she ended up alone in [undisclosed canadian providence] and manages to somehow sneak into strades house for shelter...probably runs into the basement bc she thinks ‘hey, i never go into the basement at my house, so that must mean that people just usually dont go in their basements, so ill be safe down here for now’ buuuuuuuut thats not really how things work here so while shes hiding strade comes down with a victim and. she witnesses some Things and probably gets scared and screams or knocks something over to alert him of her presence and hes like shit. well fuck. shes a witness. but also im not gonna k/ll a kid. shit. so he just kinda. grabs her and ties her up or something until hes done with his guest and can figure out what to do with her

probably just decides to collar her up and keep her until he can come up with a better solution...but its actually kinda fun having her around, surprise! shes jumpy and does even more weird cat shit than adult mira bc she hasnt had time to have that whole "hide who you are in front of humans" thing drilled into her properly yet by her family. so he probably plays up the nice guy act and weaves a web of lies to get her to trust him and get attached so she just kinda becomes a fun little pet who makes him laugh and cleans the house?

he likely doesnt go out of his way to try and rope her into his hobbies but doesnt really try to stop her from being interested....he wont ask/force her to come down and watch some violence but if he hears the basement door open while hes working he wont exactly yell at her....but he does definitely keep the door locked tight when hes doing/planning to do spicy things. shes allowed to see the violence and gore but the boobies and things gotta stay covered when the kitten is around bc again, let me have my shred of morality for him, please, i need it to cope,

as she gets older she grows into a little accomplice :) (for the sake of this hypothetical scenario id say its 10 years ago, so strade is 24 and mira is 10? strade probably hasnt been killing seriously for too long yet so its not out of the question that he'd be so careless as to leave a door unlocked for her to get in) by the time shes 18 shes like. catgirl strade. she goes out with him and helps bring people home and everything! almost definitely completely uncollared at this point bc shes not going anywhere

god help ren when the present day rolls around and they pick him up.

tldr; he takes care of her like she was literally just a stray kitten and while he doesnt go out of his way to corrupt her he sure wont stop her from becoming corrupted on her own

[scripttorture]

Sleep Deprivation

It’s really past time we talked about sleep deprivation. It’s a mainstay of modern torture and it’s been used for hundreds of years.

It’s also one of the clean (non-scarring) tortures that’s most regularly dismissed. The damage it causes is downplayed. And we often don’t even recognise it when it’s shown in fiction.

Sleep is a physiological need, like eating, drinking and breathing. Deprived of it we start to become ill and eventually die.

I’m breaking this down into sections, we’ll start with ‘normal’ sleep, talk about what sleep deprivation does to physical and mental health and then talk about how torturers deprive victims of sleep.

I’ll finish up by talking about how the long term symptoms of torture can impact sleep.

How much sleep is enough and what is normal sleep?

There is some variation in sleep patterns between individuals but if you let someone sleep for as long as they like most people sleep for around 7-9 hours a night. When we’re ill we tend to sleep more.

If you plot life expectancy against average hours of sleep a night you get a sort of U shaped graph. People who routinely sleep less then 7-9 hours a night have shorter lives and so do people who sleep more.

But there’s no evidence that sleeping too much actually causes poor health. People who sleep more on average may have underlying health conditions that shorten their lives.

And we have a lot of evidence that sleeping less causes poor health.

Sleep is divided into two types, REM and NREM sleep. That stands for Rapid Eye Movement sleep and Non Rapid Eye Movement sleep. Most people know REM sleep as dreaming sleep. Both are essential for human health.

All animals that have been tested sleep but only birds and mammals have been shown to dream. There’s also considerable variation in how long different species need to sleep for, most animals seem to need more than humans.

We sleep in cycles, chunks of time roughly an hour and a half long when we go through different stages of sleep. The initial cycles focus heavily on NREM sleep and as the night goes on we have more REM sleep, but every cycle contains a little of both.

The time of day we’re most likely to naturally fall asleep and naturally wake up varies with age in a non-linear fashion. Young children wake up early and tire early. Teenagers famously stay up late and sleep in late. The elderly wake up incredibly early and sleep incredibly early. This variation, along with individual variation, is thought to serve a protective function: humans are pack animals and varied sleep patterns within a group ensure that someone is awake most of the time in case of emergency.

It’s perfectly healthy for the time we want to go to sleep to vary, but the amount we need to sleep is more or less consistent after infancy.

Drugs, including caffeine, may effect our ability to fall asleep or our perception of how sleepy we are but they do not fulfil our need for sleep.

Keep in mind that even a character who is voluntarily depriving themselves of sleep will feel the effects. Repeated experiments have shown that we can be consciously aware we’re sleep deprived and aware of the effects of sleep deprivation but can not compensate for them.

Your character can’t get around the effects of sleep deprivation by willpower any more then a drunk can get around the effects of alcohol. Stimulants might keep them awake and raise their reaction time but they don’t effect other symptoms and may make some symptoms worse.

We need sleep after roughly sixteen hours of being awake. After that point our ability to function well starts to drop.

Effects of sleep deprivation

We’re still in the process of pinning down all the effects of sleep deprivation. Some of these effects are things we know happen but we don’t know why.

The more sleep deprived a character is the more symptoms they’d have, both physical and mental. Some of these symptoms are apparent after just one night of poor sleep (for the purposes of this post five hours sleep the previous night). I’m going to mark these early symptoms with an asterix (*) so you can easily recognise them.

Keep in mind that these effects are cumulative.

A character who gets into a pattern of not sleeping enough will get worse rather then staying at a steady level. The longer the character isn’t sleeping the more symptoms they should develop.

Physical symptoms

Shakes

Headaches*

Muscular pain

Increased blood pressure*

Reduced alertness*

Lower immune response leading to:

Increased infections

Longer recovery times

Longer reaction times*

Worse reflexes*

Lower natural testosterone levels and lower sperm counts

Abnormal menstrual cycles and lower fertility levels

Hunger*

Poor coordination*

Increased chance of accidents*

Subtle changes to physical appearance that cause a character to appear unhealthy*

Microsleeps (short periods of unconsciousness)

Psychological symptoms

Agitation

Reduced ability to interpret other people’s emotions*

Increased feelings of distrust towards other people*

Paranoia

Hallucinations

Increased chance of substance abuse

Confusion*

Memory loss*

Impaired ability to learn*

Increased risk of developing false memories

Suicidal thoughts and urges

Delirium

Markedly reduced concentration*

Consistently underestimating their level of impairment*

Impaired ability to think logically*

Increase in depressive and anxious symptoms, possibly inducing depression and anxiety

Reduced creativity*

Reduced problem solving ability*

Reduced ability to plan*

Increased risk of violent behaviour

Symptoms similar to psychosis in the long term

Long term effects

These aren’t symptoms exactly, these are a list of conditions people who are chronically sleep deprived are more likely to get. They develop several years later, usually in the 40-50s at the earliest.

Any amount of sleep deprivation is thought to increase the chances of these conditions but the longer and more consistently a character is sleep deprived the more likely they are.

Diabetes

Cancer (various kinds)

Heart failure (and coronary heart disease)

Strokes

Dementia, especially Alzheimer’s

Higher miscarriage rates

Vaccines may be less effective if the person was sleep deprived before the vaccine was administered because the immune response is suppressed. Research on this isn’t quite as thorough yet and it isn’t clear if the smaller immune response actually equates to less immunity against the real disease.

Sleep deprivation is also thought to increase weight gain. It makes people feel hungrier and crave unhealthy foods. While not nearly as serious as the other effects here it is a noted long term effect and as such I felt it needed to be included. Especially since there is a correlation between higher weight and sleep disorders.

How torturers deprive people of sleep.

Sleep deprivation is sometimes portrayed as a ‘modern’ innovation. This is untrue. Scottish witch trials used it heavily in attempts to force confessions and the Spanish Inquisition explicitly forbid its use (they thought the delirium and hallucinations would prevent victims from truly confessing and repenting their sins).

Not all of these methods would result in total sleep deprivation (ie absolutely no sleep in 24 hours). Some of them would lead to less sleep, poor sleep or disrupted sleep. This is still profoundly harmful.

Some of these methods could fit easily with a historical setting. Some wouldn’t. Some would work better in a pseudo-interrogation or forced confession scenario. If you’re planning on using sleep deprivation in your story pick a method that you feel fits your plot and setting best.

And if you’re not planning on using sleep deprivation but you see something you have used on this list take a moment to think about what you might be implying.  

Poor cell conditions including:

-Constant light

-Constant noise

-Insufficient room to sleep

-Wet cells

-Extreme temperatures in cells

-Lack of beds and bedding

Stress positions such as forced standing. These are generally used for between 24-48 hours continuously meaning they’re automatically combined with sleep deprivation.

Constant use of restraints, especially if the restraints stop the character from fully extending their limbs or fully lowering their limbs.

Forced exercise such as forced walking (this was used in Scottish witch trials).

Forced labour for prolonged periods.

Guards disturbing the sleep of prisoners. For example shaking people awake every few minutes.

Prolonged interrogation without rest such as relay interrogation. Relay interrogation involves switching interrogators regularly so that prisoners can be kept in interrogation for over 24 hours at a time.

Starvation, hunger reduces our ability to sleep well and get as much sleep as we need. When combined with poor cell conditions poor sleep becomes inevitable.

Denying medical treatment to injured characters.

Poor sleep in survivors

Most of the long term symptoms of torture have the potential to disrupt sleep.

Depression, anxiety, hypervigilance and suicidal thoughts can all prevent survivors getting to sleep and disrupt sleep.

PTSD often involves intense nightmares which can both disturb sleep and make a survivor dread falling asleep. The majority of PTSD sufferers have difficulty sleeping.

Chronic pain can prevent sleep and many of the drugs commonly used to treat it can also lead to disturbed sleep. Like commonly abused addictive drugs pain medication can lead to poor quality sleep.

This doesn’t necessarily mean every survivor will have trouble sleep or be sleep deprived. While a lot of people with mental health problems have poorer sleep not everyone does. Medication for depression and anxiety can sometimes help people sleep and this in turn can reduce the intensity of symptoms.

Think about the combination of symptoms you’ve chosen for your character and consider whether they could lead to long term sleep loss.

Our need for sleep isn’t something we can debate, bribe or drug away. It’s a fundamental part of our biology.

Losing sleep is serious, being actively deprived of it is abusive. Be aware of what your story is doing and be prepared to show the consequences.

Sources

Why Torture doesn’t work: The Neuroscience of Interrogation by S O’Mara, Harvard University Press, 2015

Why We Sleep by M Walker, Penguin, 2017 - This book contains references to a lot of sleep research papers and is a very good introduction to the subject. Walker and Jagust conducted research together on the link between lack of sleep and Alzheimer’s. He also recommends D Dinges’ (University of Pennsylvania) body of work on sleep and concentration, response time and car accidents.

The Mystery of Sleep by M Kryger, Yale University Press, 2017

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[divinecuriosity]

Character Development Questions: Hard Mode-- BOG!!!! Al

ALL? is that what this is supposed to say. bc im gonna do All 

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with? He’s an only child! Maybe a few cousins his age, he probably was close with them before he went away!

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? Good, his moms really supported him to the point where he couldn’t do anything wrong in their eyes. Mom #1 was raised in a temple of Ioun, and is a half orc half elf. She works in the temple she and Bog’s other mom founded and tried to teach him to become a cleric like her, but once he voiced his desire to pursure the arcane she was happy to support that

What is/was your character’s relationship with their father  mother #2 like? Mom #2 was less ready to support the arcane, having converted to worshiping Ioun after meeting mom #1 and never really having a knack for magic. Both Bog’s moms see him as the perfect blessing he was intended to be and dont see any faults in him, and though they are hurt by his leaving they trust in their god and in him that it will be ok (not that he’s had contact with them to know that...)

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? YEs! He first stumbled upon magic when he started to just be able to Do Things, but there was a wizard to came to his town when he was a child and showed the kids magic tricks, and Bog came up to him one day and basically said “i can do that too! my mom doesnt know this bc im scared to tell her but here let me show you” and this like, seven year old half orc kid does some medium level spell and the Wizard was just like. damn we gotta teach u. 

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Uhh, not much tbh? maybe some jerkey, a rag for sweat/cleaning things off, whatever coin he has on him? But he always has his drum on a sling over his shoulder, his flute on a chain around his neck, and in a trunk on the lower deck he has his spellbooks and Violin!

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? haahhhh he gets periodic visions from Ioun being like,,,, hello my Blessing hows the Doing God’s Work going?? oh youre still on a pirate ship in the middle of the ocean? thats chill like ur moms i think you are Perfect and fully believe you will get back to it eventually, go find some new Knowledge and fill up that brain of yours thanks ok bye

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? He doesn’t really get them I think? hes a happy guy

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Do guns exist anna???

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? UHH hes a pirate now so. probably less consistent access to money ? he wasn’t rich at all like, medium middle class at best, but now its probably a lot more sporadic access to like , a lot more money

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? Uhh he wears the same thing like all the time just loose shirt and flowy pants and drum. if he doesnt have his drum he might as well be naked. But he probably hates having to dress in fancy clothes/layers bc Tactile Bad 

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? Uh he’s pretty Freaked Out now tbh, but probably the first storm they had at sea, or the night before he left Bard School

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? Hmmm, thats tough idk? Every time he plays music for a group of people and they chime in/dance/just pay attention he feels  p calm and good

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? Not really, he doesn’t like seeing people hurt but he isnt grossed out by it

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Names, they get confused when people change their hair or outfit rip

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not? They arent usually, but since being a pirate he kinda,,, goes along w it and has the mentality of “this is nice!” but its not rlly his end all

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Happiness

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? Hmmm, probably drums

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Wisdom

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? They get crushes rlly easily and then get distant if the feelings arent returned bc they dont wanna talk about Hard Emotions bc they never...had too

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? They don’t compare themselves to others past like, oh they have more x than me and i wish i had more of that? More jealousy than him actually putting value to differences

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? Uhh nothing rlly, tragic happened but his whole thing is he has a destiny he doesnt feel like he earned and is running from it but also feels Immense guilt for doing that so, lots of self blame in this buddy

What does your character like in other people? They like people with passion for something

What does your character dislike in other people? Uhhh being rude to others (like more than a joke, when its obviously upseting them)

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Fairly quick, he needs more friends

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Uhh idk tbh?

How does your character behave around children? He’s great with them for short periods but once he’s run out of little songs to play/sing and funny jokes he. gets anxious and gets out of there.

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? If its an authority figure? ANXIOUS! if its someone he sees as an equal / he has power over, hes more level headed

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Uhh hes weak and slow so, p slow. even spell wise hes more about protecting his friends than damage

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? He’s pretty much always wanted to study magic and be a bard. maybe early early five yr old Bog dreamed of working at the temple

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Uhh, standard icky stuff like x-phobias 

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. Playing for an Audience

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. Talking about feelings, especially ~romance~

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? A mix of willing to improve and self-deprecating, depending on whos doing the criticism

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? They move from solution to solution pretty fast, they arent super patient

How does your character behave around people they like? Trying to impress them and also not look dumb

How does your character behave around people they dislike? Glare glare glare

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Honor ig?

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? Remove the problem

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Uhh probably not? hes good w animals

How does your character treat people in service jobs? As well as he can!! 

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? EARN EARN EARN

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? Hmm, not really? 

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? nah

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? They say it really quickly and usually mean it, they just get close to people fast

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? He’s pretty sure if he manages not to Fuck it Up he’ll go to Ioun’s realm or whatever, but hes not sure hes gonna,,, not fuck it up,,, or that he even wants that? death scares him so he just doesnt think about it if he can manage

[absentgoji]

looks like i missed DID awareness day? i had no idea it was on 05/03.

here are some questions you peeps are answering and i think it would be a good exercise to do so too, right now. then do it again maybe in a couple months.

i know you're asking each other by ask, but i dont have any followers so i will just answer them all by myself.

DID Awareness Day Questions:

What is one thing you wish everyone understood about DID? no, it is not like split , nor any other representation in media. no, its not noticeable (or, at least, not easily noticeable). people with DID are not multiple persons inside a body. people with DID are not 'survivors', 'fragmented heroes', or whatever romantic nickname you wanna call them. we are people who have to deal with a mental illness because of past trauma we wish we hadn't been through. people with DID are not doing this for attention: believe me, id rather have to deal with any other thing than not knowing myself, not being reliable. not everyone shares the same experience, each person deals with their disorder in a different way. however, DID has very specific symptoms we all do share, even if we describe it in a different way.

Are you in therapy? What is your experience with therapy like? yes. im in therapy, but i dont really find it helpful for this specific disorder in my case. i may see a different therapist soon because mine, even though they did diagnose me, has been treating the disorder tangentially. anxiety, adhd and depression were their main concerns. it took them some months to get to it, putting the pieces together (memory loss, derealization, depersonalization, distorted feeling of self, me talking about myself as if i was talking about a different person), and when they finally did, we worked directly on it just for a few months, then moved on to other things and we only get back to it occasionally.

Do you have an inner world? If you do, what is it like? i know i do have one. at this point i dont know if i made it up or if it was there from the beginning. i dont really 'go there' anymore. its nothing very logical, but more like different locations my different shades like to be at. when i talk to myself in a more active way i can usually find me (them) there. but its been a while since i last did that. i will address this in a different post.

What is communication like between you and the others? Do you have any particular systems set up to help with communication? writing. if i feel like i have something to talk about, i will write about it and probably answer to myself when i feel i have a different opinion. sometimes i will tell my friends about something and they remind me about that opinion later on. its not their work and i dont do it on purpose, but i know thats one of the ways i have of knowing what my other shades feel like. communication used to be better, but at some point i decided i did not want to have that approach to this anymore and i just stopped trying to communicate directly.

Has any conventional advice for DID ever not worked for you (journaling is unhelpful, can’t visualize an inner world, etc)? trying to make a scheme about how this works has been quite a mess, at least for me. i learnt (through tumblr, mostly) many things i had to unlearn. i learnt there were categories (protectors, etc.), and my shades didnt really fit the labels. i learnt that the same triggers make the same shades come out, but, for me, it might not happen that way. noticing stuff didnt work the way 'it was supposed to work' was harmful and i would stress so much about it. if this was supposed to be logical, it wouldnt be a disorder in the first place.

What does “safety” mean for you? feeling free to talk about me in any way i want to, not being afraid of making people feel uncomfortable or cringe, having them accept me as i am. i dont want anybody to pity me, handle me with special care nor anything. i am a normal person and i want to be treated as such.

Do you have any introjects? How do you feel about their source? How do they feel about their source? no.

Do you have any non-human alters? no

Is there anything that makes you feel like your experience with DID is “different” than what you see other people with DID talk about? all of the above, i think. also memory loss, maybe. the most common approach to it i usually get to read about is full blackout, 'alters' not knowing what others did, etc. in my case, while that can and has happened, is not the most common scenario. i dont remember if it used to be different in the past. ive been in therapy for like three years now and my memory has definitely gotten better. now i can describe three types of memory: - things i do remember. - things i dont remember, but i know. - things i dont remember, and i dont know.

Who is the most likely to get into a fight (physical or verbal?) Who’s the most likely to try to patch things up afterward? i would say my most problematic shade is purplish (i havent decided if i want to go back to using names again) and the one thats there to fix things right after is red.

Does anyone wish they could make big changes to your body’s appearance? yes. in most of my shades i identify as a woman or a nonbinary person with a feminine leaning presentation, but there are a couple of them that makes me really want to start transitioning. its pretty uncomfortable.

Choose some parts/alters and describe each in 5 words or less. i will answer to this question once i decide how i want to describe myself.

What does dissociation feel like for you? stuff happens and my brain just cant grab any thought. its hard for me to talk. im thinking about many things and none at the same time (crossed conversations). nothing is real. if im in a room, theres nothing outside the room and the walls, floor and furniture are fake. sometimes i am fake. people are not real and i can be careless about the way i talk to them because i dont believe it will have any consecuences (its a dream, right?). if dissociation is strong enough, my senses dont work well. i cant hear well, food doesnt taste like anything... (this is just my brain not being able to process whats happening, i believe).

How often do you think you switch? as of today, i have no idea. i dont usually notice the exact time i do, but some time later, when i catch myself thinking in a different way or doing someting 'out of character'.

Do any of you experience body dysphoria or dysmorphia? see number 11!

How many parts/alters do you think you have at this time? this is something i also stopped doing. it makes no sense, in my case, to try and keep count of them.

If you have younger parts/alters, what makes them happy or excited? i dont have any part that's significantly older or younger than the 'core?' one.

Do you consider yourselves to be covert or overt about having DID? covert. im really self conscious about it.

Do you experience denial often? How do you react when you experience it? all the time. i try to tell myself i have nobody to lie to, and that theres no point in pretending when theres no one around... so why would i fake it?

What grounding methods or skills work best for you? Do different skills work better for different parts/alters? relaxing, talking to someone, receiving some comfort and ignoring the fact that im dissociating are the things that work best for me. i usually check tiktok or twitter, listen to some music or talk to my partner til i feel better. if i dont, taking a shower also helps.

What does “recovery” mean for you? i dont know yet. i think 'being a single shade' is not possible for me, because i know that DID is not a disorder that can be healed, so i just hope i can learn how to live healthily this way.

[gweyson]

Lucas 5, 14, 22 and 35, Yue 9, 12, 27 and 41, Bee 10, 18, 29 and 44, and Javi 11, 20, 32 and 40?

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

honestly? they could have literally anything in their pockets and nobody would be surprised. they could pull out a shark and everyone would just be like “haha yeah thats just lucas !”

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

names ! shell do that thing where like. she associates the name/face of someone with something else if im making sense. she has a weird system in place

22. What does your character like in other people?

people who are open minded !! & people who are very willing to try new things and take risks

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

they’re more outgoing !! if they know they wont be made fun of they talk with their hands a lot (they know sign language so theyll often accidentally sign along to what theyre saying with their mouth fun fact) plus theyll generally be less cautious about what theyre saying or how weird the people theyre with might think they are

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

shes slightly less well off? but thats because she’s living independently instead of relying on her family for everything lmao for the most part everything is pretty much the same

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? 

shes never calm. shes a massive ball of anxiety and shes always on the verge of a panic attack dfjkhdf

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

she gets upset and waits for someone else to deal with it tbh

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

she feels like she has to earn it, but then she never actually feels like shes done enough to earn what she wants and it’s. a mess,

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

more probably, theyre v self conches u-u

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

wisdom, as long as theyre actually like. doing smth with it yknow

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

they wanted to be an actor when they were young… theyve long since moved past that 

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

they say it a lot !! especially to their friends, it’s not like there’s a limit on how many people you’re allowed to love !

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

just before he was trying to come out to yue…. she ended up accidentally coming out to him at the same time though and now they laugh about it

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

it goes either way tbh ? most of the time it’s him being like “haha im better than all of you losers” but he also tends to be kinda insecure internally ? and he’ll compare what he does to what everyone else does and just. feel inferior and dumb

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

when he’s with someone he deems as better than himself it really fucks with him and he’d rather not be there

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

he is appreciative he just. forgets to vocalise it most of the time

[gohyuck]

Sleepovers with NCT Dream

anon asked: Am I allowed to request sleepover/slumber parties with NCT Dream? Just somethin cute n fluffy

okay so i’m not sure if this is like each individual member or with the group as a whole so i did...both? 

uh for each of them the other members aren’t present because just...assume that the specific member kicked them out for the night or they dont wanna bother member/reader haha

under the cut

mark

“fight me mark lee”

you regret the words like...as soon as they leave you because the moment you finish your sentence you get a face full of pillow

youd forgotten your clothes in the excitement of being able to sleepover at your boyfriend’s so long story short you’re decked out in one of his thinner t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants

moments before disaster (aka The Pillow) struck you’d been chilling out on the couch and you both were pigging out just watching tv or something 

then mark decided to s t e a l a c h i p f r o m y o u r b o w l 

you couldn’t just TAKE THAT 

so yeah you mouth off and then get pillowed in the face and after the initial shock wears off you kinda just calmly get up and walk slowly towards the kitchen counter to put your food away so it doesnt spill

all the while mark is shaking in his boots the fear is BUILDING

because hes going over the scenarios of what you might do next in his head he doesnt notice you discretely picking up a pillow

he does feel it tho when you hit him upside the head with it

W A R ensues its like... Armageddon 

until you pin mark down because hes laughing way too hard to fight back

“cry uncle” “NEVER” tickles him once “uNCLE”

he calls for a truce and you give him one with a warning about stealing food and hes like ok fine ill get my own chips next time and you guys resume watching the movie

his arms around you and youre just using him as a headrest/backrest and its overall a really soft time tbh

mark is really comfortable tbh

and you guys have been dating for a while (dream’s parents) so it’s just like a normal date, practically

its just really chill like you guys dont do much other than marathon movies and pillow fight and pig out 

and make small talk 

and steal kisses

playing random games like ispy or something just seems like a mark thing

planning future hang outs and dates lol

“hey on our next date im taking you out to dinner” “and a movie” “you bet” “mark i was kiddi-” “its my treat”

it gets late fast though (time flies when you’re having fun) and you notice this and look over to say that maybe you guys should sleep only to find your bf knocked out on the other side of the couch

again

you cant help but smile at the sight

he’s so overworked, you don’t have the heart to wake him up

instead you turn off the tv, put up all the foodstuffs and clean the area quickly, put the pillows up and lay a pillow out on the ground by the couch and find a blanket and then turn off the lights before lying down

when mark wakes up the next morning he wakes up before you and sighs before stepping over you lightly to brush and stuff and to pour cereal for the two of you (hes not even going to TRY to cook)

once you wake up hes like “why didnt you wake me i wouldve taken the floor” and youre just like “yeah thats why i didnt wake you” and he just shakes his head because he cant argue with you and honestly hes

kinda touched, just a little

you have to leave all too soon but you dont go before getting a goodbye kiss and a promise to have another sleepover very soon

just....soft..soft times

renjun

board game central

hes just 

head in the game lolol (dont kill me for that joke)

monopoly? clue? sorry? you name it he’s got it like...this boy doesn’t play when it comes to board games

no pun intended

the first half of the night is just you guys playing random board games as best you can with just two people

and then he brings out the chess board

that’s when it gets bumpin tbh

by bumpin i mean you and your boyfriend nearly wring each others throats during the match...but with your minds...because neither of you are speaking you’re THAT concentrated

it’s.....2 hours long

and in the end you guys have to call a draw and like you sit back and just stare at each other blinking and eventually renjun speaks

and his voice is hoarse because neither of you have spoken in a while and the first thing he says (very matter-of-factly, too) is “i’m going to flip the board now”

and you just go “go ahead” hoarsely as well because you’re just in mild shock that nobody won that intense ass match

he flips the board and looks up and stares at you and you stare back and suddenly the two of you are crying of laughter like

majorly uncontrollable you’re just rolling on the floor wheezing 

after you both calm down renjun goes to the kitchen to find something to eat and he’s like “it’s 1 in the morning oh my god we haven’t even eaten dinner what the heck” and that sends you into another fit of laughter

“wait but we still have to have like a pillow fight and watch dumb romcoms and horrors and stuff we have so much to do and so little time” “renjun we don’t have to do all the cliche sleepover stuff” “ok but consider this: itll be fun” “its like ass thirty in the morning though/??” “are you saying we cant do it because if so now we HAVE to do it” “...you get the pillows i’ll get the popcorn put the worst movie you can find into the dvd player”

after a few movies its like 5: 30 am and the two of you are still awake

“are you still up” “no are you” “no”

neither of you wants to be the first to fall asleep

competitive couple af

you guys start a two person game of truth or dare and it ends up getting mushy because for a truth renjun asks you like how you knew you wanted to date him

and you get serious and stuff (which he didn’t foresee he expected an answer like “well you look like moomin and like....i love moomin”) and you come at him with like “when i started noticing that your eyes sparkle when you sing and just how happy you make other people and how you love what you do and how-”

he attacks you with a massive hug because oh my god you’re so sweet he’s getting a cavity 

“i like you a lot, you know”  “i’d hope so i just ate like 90% of your snack stash renjun”  “i take that back”

you guys are still awake when mark comes back to the dorm

when he gets out of the shower, however, is a different story - you and renjun are dead asleep while sitting on the couch, awkwardly wrapped around each other

a photoshoot courtesy of mark’s phone camera ensues

(mark goes to sleep to ice cubes in his pillow that night, courtesy of you and renjun)

jeno

king of planning 

like he mentally knows everything that can and will go wrong and stuff and knows where the extra pillows and blankets are and is aware of what you’re gonna wanna do and just...he Knows

the first thing you guys do when you get to the dorm is bake brownies 

he makes sure to take videos of the whole process and send them to the other members

jeno: guess what yall are missing out on ;) jisung: i hate this family

the kind of bf to try to feed you the brownies and get the food literally everywhere but your mouth

for as put together as he is you guys end up having brownies and ice cream for dinner lol neither of you can be bothered to cook dinner

“babe should we order out” “i mean you can if you want to” “...but jenoooo that means getting up and getting to my phone” “that’s what i thought”

has a cache of games and movies and shows 

“take your pick”

you guys end up playing random card games like ERS or blackjack for a while 

it honestly is never boring tho because you and jeno are just so comfortable with each other every moment is great no matter what you’re doing

i feel like jeno’s the kind of guy to call his SO a bunch of cute nicknames like he just wants you to know how cute he thinks you are and he does that thru nicknames

“love...” “babe...” “sweetheart...”

after a while though you run out of card games to play and jeno’s about to suggest watching something on tv when he sees your expression

“...what’s on your mind” “...we could mess with your members a little...” “prank calls?” “you know me so well”

within an hour the two of you have convinced yuta that aliens are real and can use cellphones and gotten taeyong to believe that “swag” is a polish swear word and that donghyuck needs to be punished whenever he says it

and jaemin thinks he’s being relentlessly contacted by clowns from a circus in the next town over who think that he’s stolen their tiny car

you guys pass more time just talking and stuff 

and putting on songs and dancing to them it’s Good Fun

he makes you take his bed and sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag 

you feel awful about it though so when you’re sure he asleep you go find the other sleeping bag and take your pillow and sleep beside him on the floor

he’s super shook when he wakes up but when he realizes that you didn’t want him to be lonely on the floor his smile is as bright as the sun

texts his friends for help on how to cook a nice breakfast

jeno: yo does anyone know how to make breakfast haechan: yeah jeno: cool what are the directions haechan: i didn’t say i’d give them to you

by this time you’re awake and just like “ok let me handle breakfast” 

the two of you just end up eating plain rice and eggs (because you aren’t confident in your kitchen skills) and giggling over the crappy pictures you’re taking of each other eating 

all in all the perfect date/sleepover

haechan

the moment you walk in the first thing that happens is that haechan pulls you into a hug

the second thing that happens is he holds you at an arm’s length, looks you straight in the eyes, and goes “we have to make a pillow fort”

you 100% agree it’s a necessity 

after putting your bag down on the kitchen he basically drags you to the living room 

the couch gets pushed back against the wall, the coffee table is moved to the side and chairs are moved back so there’s just a big floorspace directly in front of the tv 

“let’s use four chairs as like pillars to hold up the blankets and bring all our food, phones, everything in so we don’t have to leave the fort the whole night” “i like the way you think.. we should go out some time, get to know each other better” “hyuck we’re dating”

i feel like haechan’s the type to be reserved with pda and stick to handholding (only sometimes, even then) because he’s embarrassed around the other members because they like teasing y’all

BUT when you guys are alone he’s totally different 

like after the fort is finished and there are blankets above your heads and you’re both changed into makeshift pjs (just shorts and shirts tbh) and theres pillows around the fort’s perimeter and the tv is on he’ll like

grab whatever you’re currently eating and hold it up and whenever you lean over to reach it he’ll just lean back or move it just out of your reach again

“give it backkkk” “only if you kiss me” “...honestly i was going to do that anyways but now that you’re asking i don’t want to”

leaning into him and him closing his eyes because he expects a kiss and his arm naturally lowering lolol you grab the food and move back without even a peck on the cheek

a pouty haechan emerges

he wont talk to you again unless you kiss him and youre like ugh this big baby

but you dont wanna spend the whole night conversationless so you comply and he pulls you in

suddenly yall are rolling around in the fort laughing and having a play fight just cute af tbh

“hey hyuck we have approximately 9 hours before the other guys come back and i have to go and we have to sleep sometime so we basically have 3 hours to pull some amazing prank” “not to worry, sweetheart - i already have an idea”

and thats when you two set about to turn literally everything upside down in everyone’s rooms 

it takes forever because he puts music on while you guys are working and you both end up ballroom dancing to michael jackson

once its done neither of you can breathe from laughing so hard 

he makes a really quick dinner and the two of you eat it in the fort

while trading stories from the past couple weeks

“so you’re telling me she just...drank the entire cup of coffee after pouring two monster energies into it” “yeah she straight up chugged it i was in AWE”

all of this is done facing each other while holding hands on one side and eating with the other

“hey is that my shirt” “might be? i just found it in my drawers” “it’s definitely mine” “no wonder it’s so soft”

you guys fall asleep really late (or early, depending on how you look at it) because you spend so much time just TALKING

there’s 80s movies playing on the tv in the background

you fall asleep on your pillow but wake up like sideways using haechan’s chest as a footrest or something just...weird sleep position couple

the two of you wake up to confused exclamations from the other members

“hey maybe we should eat breakfast somewhere else so they don’t kill us for the upside downness” “get your keys i’ll grab money” 

jaemin

buys a telescope just for your sleepover

“what’s the point of having a roof if you can’t climb on top of it and stargaze”

has you go up the stairs to the roof first so he can keep a steady hand on your back since the stairs are narrow

you guys have to make like three trips up and down from the roof before settling down

the first trip you guys set the telescope and blankets up and you go down because you need to go back and bring the food up

the second time is because you have to bring pillows up

the third time is because jaemin forgets his phone oops

its still kind of light out when you guys get up on the roof so you pass time by taking selfies and talking and stuff

its cold af outside and youre freezing despite your jacket so jaemin bundles the both of you up in a blanket (or 4) 

“so the best time to watch the meteor shower is between midnight and dawn but we can just look at other cool spacey stuff before then” “why would i look at other stars when the brightest star is right in front of me” “that’s the cheesiest thing i’ve ever heard i’m breaking up with you” “aw jaemin you know you love me”

you have to stop him from trying to eat what is essentially just a whole bunch of tomatoes in rice paper in one bite

jaemin forgets to bring games up to the roof and hes too lazy to go downstairs and get anything

youre not bored anyways tho

once it gets darker you guys start pointing out some cool stars and constellations

“babe it’s orion’s belt” “nana look at that star, it looks so bright!” “almost as bright as you” “i already said that about you earlier, try again”

play fighting over the telescope

he lets you look first though

when the meteor shower starts you’re both in serious awe

“can you believe that we’re so small and just..tiny and pliable and insignificant in this universe and there are huge things like meteors just streaking through this vast space of nothingness and just wow” “i’m just glad i exist at the same time as you” “jaemin that’s...that’s not even corny or anything that’s just super cute i can’t even make fun of you for it” “it’s true, though”

both of you forget to take videos of the shower

because you’re just enthralled with the fact that the literal sky is like...on fire and shit

jaemin the type to press chaste kisses to your cheek and pull you ever closer to him at random intervals

Soft BF Alert

eating dinner while watching

he points at like every meteor and is like “look at it goooo”

“gotta go fast” “jae if it was possible to literally delete somebody i’d do that right now...blocked” “you love me”

sings under his breath and you record a vid of him doing it without him knowing because its so cute and just...hes so good at singing youre shook

once it starts getting really late and youre yawning and stuff hes like ok maybe we should go downstairs and sleep

it takes two trips to get everything back down to the dorm rip 

at least jaemin doesnt forget his phone this time

once you guys get back neither of you can decide who gets the bed

“you can have it babe i sleep here everyday” “no way i cant do that to you, ill take the floor i practically live here its like home”

its wayyy too late to argue tho you both end up sharing the bed

overall an amazing date like???? meteor shower AND a sleepover with your bf in one night?

thats one successful night

chenle 

theres an unspoken meme war between the two of you

like nobody really mentions it its there...looming...constantly...

meme war as in you guys constantly taken ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS pictures of each other and use them as reaction images

throughout the night each of you take/send pics of each other to the other dream members 

“we should cuddle” “ok how do i know youre not gonna like...lick me or something for a picture of my expression” “you...well you dont but-”

you convince him to watch the ouija movies that are out

he makes it through them but like...

chenle’s either screaming throughout the whole movie or totally shell shocked and you’re just lol @ him

“this isn’t even that scary” “speak for yourself” “i am - come out from under the blanket babe i swear it’s not that scary”

after the movies he’s like “im never letting you choose what to do ever again ever” and you get him saying it on video for the Jokes

its his turn to choose

his immediate response is karaoke

chenle sets everything up for it while you order in dinner because lbr neither of you are looking up the directions to anything with cooking 

he screams directly into the mic while youre on the phone to test it

(and takes a pic of your eyes going wide and you jumping a little bit)

“is everything alright on your side” “yeah just ...make that three orders of chicken im gonna be eating my woes away tonight”

chenle gets out the hoverboard and tries to teach you the dance moves to chewing gum

that quickly stops because you fall onto him

twice

within a span of four and a half minutes

nobodys there to roast though so you guys laugh as hard as you want

a lot of screaming

you love his laugh its so bright and happy just!!! wow

ngl since you started dating him his laugh kind of influenced yours so you laugh a lot louder than you did before chenle

when your food comes in youre too busy screaming lyrics to a song to get the door so chenle grabs the food

and tips the deliveryboy even more than he usually would 

“you’re going to scare away the neighbors with that singing” “i’m surprised people still live here after you moved in chenle, dolphin sounding little-”

eating on the floor while facing each other

“close your mouth while chewing” “ok hon but to tell me that you spoke while eating” “listen, zhong chenle-”

having a staring contest 

loser has to wash dishes

spoiler alert: you lose because he starts smiling and you cant stare straight at him when he smiles without smiling back and blinking really hard its like looking straight at the actual sun

hes super loving and cuddly so while youre washing dishes chenle backhugs you instead of cleaning up the karaoke equipment

“yah you’re sidetracking me” “we should dance instead of being boring and washing dishes like an old married couple” “you can dance while i’m being productive”

he does just that - tries to sidetrack you EVEN MORE by dancing ridiculously while you try to wash dishes 

ends up in a soap and water fight 

i feel like chenle would sleep a little earlier than the other guys so when youre done cleaning up your (late) dinner and hes done mopping the floor of the remnants of soap hes like maybe we should sleep

you agree because its almost like 1 am and youre tired too

pulling out a big family size sleeping bag in the middle of the living room floor and finding pillows

putting on light instrumental sleep music

waking up to chenle taking like a million pictures of your terrible bedhead and sending them to all of his friends

chenle’s just so fun to be around alfskjdk

jisung

ngl i feel like the night would start off just a little bit awk with jisung

like not awkward to where no conversation is being made awkward just more like small talk while sitting a good foot away from each other on the couch and friends is running on the tv in the background awkward 

you get tired of that really fast tho

bc you and jisung have been best friends for a g e s it shouldnt be like this

so you bean him with a throw pillow

straight upside the head like hes an alarm clock that wont shut up

it takes him a second to react but once he does its chaos 

he hits you back with like twice as much speed and power

suddenly both of you are on the floor fending for yourselves while trying to attack the other

you fight valiantly but hes just

so dang tall that eventually he grabs the weaponized pillow right out of your hand and holds it way high above your head

“checkmate” “...oh shut up :/”

after that though its a lot more comfortable like you settle into your usual pattern of relentlessly teasing each other

“lets put on mickey mouse cartoons jisung you’ll be able to relate” “are you even tall enough to see the tv” “not everyone can be a beansprout”

jisung pops popcorn for the movies and instead of eating it while watching the movie the two of you just throw kernels at each other and laugh at how dumb the other looks with popcorn in their hair

after a while jisung’s like “we should go out back there’s like... a singular tree and some grass and we can just chill” and you’re like well that’s new in the city so it’s a good opportunity so you agree

bringing a needle and thread outside so you can sew together flower crowns of leaves, grass, and dandelions

jisung leans against the tree while watching you make a mildly lopsided crown 

he cant help but laugh when you put it on his head

“hold on im gonna take a picture” “do i look like a beautiful princess” “like a model, jisung, the prettiest princess ever” “will you be the frog to my princess?” “that’s the worst pick up line i’ve ever heard i’m considering taking back my flower crown”

you almost go inside after that but jisung’s like wait what about a flower crown for you

and you’re like oh i forgot i wasn’t really focusing on making one for myself haha

so jisung takes the needle and thread and makes you one

it’s not as pretty as the one that’s on his head but itll do

taking like 20 selfies together with the flower crowns before going back inside

after that he teaches you some of the nct dances

including stuff from the other subunits

“can you teach me taeil-ssi’s cheerleader dance from paju” “...this lesson is over”

jisung making rice and meat for dinner

you fry vegetables and try your hardest not to make anything explode

afterwards you’re lying down on the couch and he’s on the floor below you

the lights are out and its been a while since theyve been off

youre halfway asleep when

“i know youre my best friend but i think i want to date you”

aaaaand youre wide awake again

“wait, jisung, what?” “i thouGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP OH NO” “did i hear you correctly???” “im so sorry i’ll-” “i like you too you absolute idiot oh my god i cant believe neither of us said anything i-” “-move to cuba and change my name you’ll never have to hear from me again-” “-we are SO DUMB wow okay well we have to get together now its the next logical step-” “-and i’ll cut all connection off and. wait. wait, you like me back?” “-and. dude wait have you not been listening to me at all?? yes??”

and that kids is how you and jisung end up together

jisung texts all of his members before you both really do go to sleep (after an awkward hug and a massive bout of embarrassed laughter) that he finally confessed

you wake up to 89 texts and 2 missed calls 

“taeyong says i have to keep you safe and make sure you eat three square meals a day” “is it disrespectful if i block my hyung and surrogate mother”

!! youre dating park jisung congr a t s

ALL OF NCT DREAM

you open the door immediately to hug bombardment by chenle and jaemin

mark closes it behind you (and shrugs apologetically) considering you cant because youre sandwiched in between the two other members

the first thing all of you do is eat because haechan’s made dinner (with, as jeno keeps reminding everyone, jeno’s help)

hc: all he did was heat the water jn: but it was necessary and helpful, wasn’t it

the second order of business is to push everything out of the way in the living room so the floorspace is entirely open

there are, after all, eight people there and its getting tight on the chairs 

everyones just like eliminate the seating options and thats best - then everyone will just have to sit on the floor 

you: so whats next rj: lets play monopoly everyone, collectively: NO mk: i still have nightmares from last time

jisung suggests twister and everyone (foolishly) agrees

jaemin calls out the colors and limbs and soon you find your left arm reaching over chenle’s right leg and your legs trapped under jisung’s torso

hc, monotonously but muffled as his face is somewhere under renjun’s right armpit: wow this is so wild

after that ends badly (mark nearly suffocates from jeno’s left foot being literally in his mouth) everyone agrees on never taking a suggestion from jisung again (including jisung) 

you suggest a movie marathon and everyone throws pillows at you because that’s “basic”

jm: what about truth or dare jn: wow nana that’s actually a good idea jm: im going to ignore your tone and take it as a compliment anyways

truth or dare quickly causes everyone to become absolute messes because stuff like this happens -

you: renjun, truth or dare rj: truth you: so if you had to gently caress anyone here’s bellybutton, whose bellybutton would it be rj: i

mark and haechan and chenle can each barely breathe because theyre laughing too hard

meanwhile renjun’s mentally going through his brain files of everyone’s bellybuttons and ruing the day he was born, not necessarily in that order

jeno’s videotaping the entire game for future blackmail

hc: jisung if everyone here was a redwood tree who would you set on fire js: you hc: you..you couldnt have hesitated? for even just a secon d

jn: chenle go out in the street and yodel cl: you didnt even ask me truth or d- jn: do it

by the time truth or dare ends its pretty late but youre all way too hopped up on each others embarrassment and general having fun with friends to sleep

cl: karaoke? hc: karaoke. you: maybe karaoke will be our always

the noise level grows like exponentially once karaoke comes on

and it was already pretty freaking loud to start out with

mark’s halfway through a particularly soulful rendition of eminem’s lose yourself when you take a look at the clock

you: guys its almost 3 in the morning jm: sleep is for the WEAK js: chenle’s been knocked out for at least a half hour jm: exactly

mark and jeno move chenle onto the couch and put a blanket over him while you, haechan, and renjun set up sleeping bags and pillow and blankets on the living room floor 

jaemin and jisung turn the music off and make sure the kitchen and everything is clean (and twister is put away)

you turn off the lights and lie down in the bag between mark and renjun

you: we should do this another time jm: minus the twister everyone: minus the twister

jeno wakes you up by stepping on your stomach the next morning while trying to escape renjun and his Pillow of Wrath

the pillow fight’s a little late but hey

8 am is better late than never

a quick breakfast is had while everyone takes turns brushing/showering/changing and it hits 10 am quicker than expected

everyones sad when you have to go back home but!! you all had fun and thats what counts

youre not surprised when mark texts the group chat later about hanging out again soon

[btstrashxoxox]

Prompt 5? scenario??

I feel like in so many fics, stories, novels etc theres rarely ever a representation of bigger ppl, like theres rarely a romance story where the character is like overweight, theyre usually hot characters and as someone who has little to no self confidence myself lool itd be nice to read a fic where the mc is stuggling with their physical appearance and they slowly overcome this inner struggle with the help of their partner, yes maybe by losing weight and stuff cuz thats being healthy, but NOT like the character lost all their weight and became sexy and “worth loving” or shit, like itd be nice to just read a fic where its genuinely focused on the way their body is now and how they learn to love themselves and understand that they are just as worthy for love as anyone else So i was thinking of this au where you are an overweight person maybe lets say 75 to 80 kg or more watever u choose and have struggled with it all ur life

Uve always been the chubby one in ur family and it kind of stayed like that progressing as u got older and shit

And ur family has always picked fun at u about it not in like a spiteful way kind of like in the way where theyre teasing u but theres a hint of truth behind it And u try to not let it bother u but it does anyway and ur self esteem and confidence isnt exactly up there

And ur one of those romantic saps and just rlly want someone to love u and u imagine all the different things u cud do with ur boyfriend but u dnt think ull ever hav that becuz of ur weight and self confidence issues

Anyways so i imagine u to be in ur like 20s maybe mid 20s idk basically an age where ur living by urself in a small apartment and hav a job etc So one day ur walking home alright, cuz u missed the bus home and u were like okay ill start walking for now and maybe another bus will come as im walking to the next stop And so ur walking with ur earbuds in, listening to music wen all of a sudden someone running bumps into u harshy from behind and u lose ur balance starting to fall, completely startled And the guy who bumped into u stops in his tracks with his wide eyes and comes rushing bak to help u up and ur like mad pissed cuz like fuck that hurt and wtf watch where ur going  

But hes apologizing and is like im so sorry im just in a rlly big rush and i didnt rlly see u there and i rlly hav to go now cuz im running late

And ur trying to keep up with wat hes saying cuz everything is just happening so fast and ur still dazed with ur palms stinging from scraping the ground

And then hes leaving screaming over his shoulder saying im rlly srry! My names taehyung (i imagine him as taehyung but anyone who wants to write this can use whomever) and i wrk over at that bakery down the street, come down there and i promise to giv a free treat as an apology and then just like that hes gone and ur still like wtf just happened

And u continue on with ur day, kind of annoyed, but u get home and just relax and get some food and watch some tv

so a few days pass and everythings normal and fine, until one day ur running late and so u hav no time to make breakfast before u leave to work and then u remember that a new bakery opened up near ur workplace and so ull just buy something from there and so u get ready and rush out the door

and then u get to the area and enter the bakery and its all cute with a pink theme and little cupcake and cake and brownie decorations and its all sweet and ur just admiring the place untill u remember fuck im running late

and so u quickly go to the counter and u greet the cashier with a smile and ur like hi can i just get a quick muffin, im running late and need to hurry and the cashier with a nametag saying jimin is all smiles too and is like of course! wat wud u like

and u look over at the display and see these amazing delicious looking muffins and a bunch of other goodies and u see a big double chocolate muffin that looks mouth watering anf u rlly want it but then u get self conscious and start thinking that shit if i order that hes probably gonna think of course the fat one wud order the fat filled treat and so u kind of show a small smile and order the banana and nut muffin instead wen all of a sudden u hear someone call out

and u look behind jimin and see the guy who had bumped into u the other day and ur like oh…

and taehyung rushes up to u and is like hi! i was wondering wen u were gonna come in for ur treat! im rlly rlly srry about the other day, i was running late and my boss seokjin wud murder me if i came in late one more time and he smiles his rectangular smile at u

and u giv him a wary smile and reply a bit confused cuz u hav no idea wat he means by treat and then jimin comes bak with ur muffin and is like here u go! and ur like thanks! and startt giving him ur money wen tae reaches out and is like watre u doing! i said u get a free treat!

and ur like huh? and then he looks at ur order and hes like a banana muffin?! why dnt u try one that i made?

and he ignores jimin whos looking at tae with exasperation and reaches out with the littl tongs and gets that chocolate muffin u were eyeing before and plops that into ur mufin bag as well and at this point ur sort of overwhelmed and u try to refuse cuz ur thinking that u rlly dnt need those extra calories

ut tae refuses and is like its on me, i rlly owe u, and at this point ur srsly running late and so u giv him a smile and say thank u so much and quickly leave the bakery with a bye and ur food and quickly make ur way to ur workplace

and then wen u finally sit down at ur seat and try to regulate ur breathing, u take out ur food to stop the growling from ur stomach and take a bite out of the chocolate muffin and u moan cuz fuck that shits rlly fricking good and probably the best muffin uve ever had and proceed to devour it (and u tell urself that thats already a lot of calories and so i cant eat the banana muffin too, but end up eating it later on not able to resist it)

and u knew that u were definitely gonna go to the bakery more often cuz that place makes heavenly food

and so a few days pass and one day on a day off u go out with ur friend and her boyfriend and u loved spending time with them but seeing all their cute interactions set this longing feeling deep in ur gut and u get sad becuz u rlly wished u had someone like that but u cant help but feel thats never gonna happen

and so to try and make urself feel better u decide to go to the bakery again and get something to lift ur mood

and so u enter the bakery and breathe in the wonderful yummy smell and wait in line to order something wen u hear a familiar voice calling out hey

and u look towards the voice and see taehyung next to a tall broad shouldered man behind the counters looking like they were baking something and hes waving at u wen the man beside him slaps him upside the head and tell him to continue wrking as tae pouts and u cant help but let out a little laugh at that becuz its funny and cute

and then u get to the counter and its jimin again and he givs u a big smile and greets u and asks wat ull hav today and u look to the side to see the differnt assortments they have wen taehyung calls out again saying

try the strawberry shortcake! i made it this mrning!

and then proceeds to earn another glare from the man beside him

and jimin lets out an exasperated laugh and is like srry, ignore tae u can get watever u want of course and ur amused and ur like its fine, i dnt mind i like strawberry and so u decide to go with the recommendation and order the shortcake along with a small hot chocolate with little marshmallows while taehyung beams at u which u return with a chuckle

and then u take ur food and sit at a little booth on the side next to the window and take a bite out of the cake and u cant help but moan at the flavours becuz holy crap how can something be so good

and so u enjoy ur treat and then drink ur hot choclate wen tae comes up to u with a smile

and he sits across u at the table and ur looking at him confused cuz ummm….

and hes like soooooo howd u like the cake? and the muffin i made the other day? its good huh?

and u laugh and ur like i loved them both and u compliment him saying hes an amazing baker and u introduce urself and u guys make small talk and u learn that being a full time baker and opening his own bakery is his dream and the first step to that is becoming an apprentice for his boss seokjin whos also an amazing cook

and u listen to him ramble, honestly surprised at how open hes being with u since u guys are technically strangers

and then he gets called bak by jimin saying his break is over

and its safe to say that ur mood definitely changed for the better and u smile to urself even after he leaves cuz tht was nice

and uk thts how i imagine u guys start to get knowing eachother, u visit the bakery often and talk to tae often and u guys become closer and rlly good friends and its already been a few months since u got to know him and the others at the bakery

and i imagine tae to be a lil shit sometimes constantly winking at u and flirting and tbh u dnt rlly realize it at first becuz flirting? with u? pshh

and then one day u go to ur parents place where ur family was meeting up for a bbq and u were having a good time cuz u missed ur fam

but then ur mom takes u aside and starts talking about ur weight and shes saying how shes wrried about ur weight and about how shes wrried that ull hav trouble finding a life long partner wen ur not healthy and uk shes just concerned for u but it leaves u feeling rlly depressed and u try ur best to hold in ur tears for the rest of the day

and then u finally leave and ur making ur way home, ur head down, chanting in ur head to hold in the tears ur almost home, just hold it in, just hold it in when all of a sudden u hear a familiar voice calling out to u

and he runs up to u and hes like hi! howre u doing?!

and u rlly try to hold it in bcuz taes so sweet and u think that he doesnt need to hear about ur problems but hes smiling so warmly at u and u cudnt hold in ur tears anymore

and taes shocked like hey wats wrong? and he hold onto ur shoulders and u cover ur face cuz fucking great just cry and make urself look like an ugly fat slob with snot everywhere and u feel this hate for urself and taehyung slowly pulls u into a hug and hes trying to soothe u saying its okay its okay

and he ends up bringing u home and u try to tell him ur fine and that he doesnt need to come with u but he refuses to leave u

and then u enter ur place and he sits on the couch with u and hes like im here to listen if u want

and taehyungs such a sweetie and even tho u havnt known him for long, hes become one of ur closest friends and so u spill and tell him wat happened at ur family bbq and u tell him that uk ur fat and unattractive to which he immediately stops u and is like stop no

and he tells u ur beautiful regardless of ur weight and he tells u that honestly he personally thinks its wonderful that u enjoy food and as a baker himself nothing makes him happier than seeing someone enjoy food (especially wen its his) and he tells u that theres someone out there for u becuz ur wonderful and amazing and any guy wud be lucky to hav u as a partner and then he pinches ur cheek and says besides uk how adorable u look? ur cheeks are so cute and he grabs both ur cheeks and pinches

and ur heart is so fond and warm and ur so grateful for having someone like tae in ur life and ur cheeks are red (both from wat tae said and his pinches lool) and u playfully grab his hands and try to pull them off whine at him to stop

and so i can imagine u guy contining to get closer and ur crush on him develops and tae continues to bake things always trying new things and feeding them to u first

and as time passes u like him more and more and the rest of the guys at the bakery smirk at u and tae cuz they know wats going on ;) and they try to convince tae behind the scenes to finally ask u out and tae gets red in the face and stutters and they do the same to u and u turn rlly red and ur like wat? tae wudnt like me tho, to which the other boys groan at cuz like woman how can u be blind to taes constant flirting?

and then he finally does ask u out at one point and ur so fucking happy and u think its a dream

and he helps u gain confidence always murmuring sweet things into ur ears and ughhhlsbfalusid its so cuteeewbuebwujd;

and so yea lmao god this turned out more as a mini scenario than a prompt lmao, well anyone can rewrite this!!! add their own twists to it or watever just remmeber to add credits if u do haha!

well i hope u enjoyed!! byeeee <3 <3

[somedaypast-thesunset]

you know what. this. this whole not a fucking relationship but still together but not. this is okay. the rest of my life, not so okay. but this is okay. i am thankful today. all night all i heard was peoples relationship drama. and like.. really dumb ass menial shit that amounts to nothing but its everything because these people have created an ideal relationship and how ppl are "supposed" to behave while ignoring the fact theyre dealing with a human being. but u knoe what. i didnt even get this until now. like over the past few months and living in this situation and analyzing my reasons for doing what i do - i get it. this is like a totally next level relationship which is unmatched by anyone i know. we totally did the right thing. of all the wrong things in our life and every mistake we made we did the right thing. because were friends. and we were good friends. we made active choices to be around each other for purposes other than fucking and we spend a majority of our time not fucking. but were not seperate completely, my past relationships we filled our time with watching tv or video games and it was so fucked. i spent years sittint beside guys on a couch and thst amounted to our relationship. one friend was talking about her boyfriend being upset about how late she was out and wanting to hang out with her. i mean, who cares? thats actually nice. youre going to go home to someone. who wants to be around you. not relationship drama. just a needy guy. a second friend is on day two of fighting with her boyfriend because someone was angry and she escalated things by not allowing him space to think about what was happening and expectjng in depth emotional answers until he tells her to go fuck herself. just leave it alone. do you care. do you. hes grumpy about some next shit and youre ignoring the fact hes grumpy and expecting him to do all this shit and romance you. leave it alone. a third friend was worried her boyfriend was cheating so she went thriugh his facebook, saw something questionable then proceeded to try and fuck multiple guys instead of asking him in a reasonable way. he then caught her by going through her facebook too. because they shared a laptop between them and didnt clear passwords. the amount of time i have availabke to me with a phone that has no password and access to laptops i could know everything that ever happened in the past yr of his life. but do i need to know. do i want to know. if any of that shit effects me i trust hes going to tell me. i go out of my way to make it visibly respectful of his things. i also believe in no way at any time has he ever looked thriugh my things. he has never once even in anger blamed me or associated me with any fault towards cutting off his finger. which is right - i didnt cut off his finger. but he was doing these things because i asked. he was doing them because hed do just about anything for me that i asked that didnt compromise his freedom. instead he acknowledged how he made a decision that led to him traumatizing everyone that was around him and himself. and now we all live with that and i honestly believe he holds me sooo blameless - even when others joked about it being my fault hes ignored it - because i believe in his heart he truly thinks i dont need that. like for all the shit thats happened to me i dont need to have the weight of him telling me i caused him to literally lose a finger. for rhe rest of his life he will associate me and the finger. i will alqays be apart of him and this story. like.. its a bit of a joke but i think the perspective is like.. he thinks hes been run by women and theyve taken his money and caused him to do shitty things but this act was selfless. this was out of love. despite being disabled he wanted to do this for me. no benefit of his own. and what was probably inevitable happened. its actually admirable and sweet that we had developed a relationship that led to us collaborating with our strengths. imagine not being me and reading this and suddenly someone has lost a finger like all this time and now boom no finger. thats how it feels to lose one too. i feel so bad for him and he regularly says he wishes he didnt do it or that he cant believe he did it. i hold his hand and let him use his hand to touch me how he always would but of course its weird. of course. its not bad, but its weird. ive always tried to treat it as something normal. ljke this is just life now and this is normal and him missing this finger is normal ljke everyone else could be missing one too. you would never touch or do weird rhings to someones finger normally so i never do that to him. its not a bad tattoo, its a loss of an appendage and its like you know.. losing a finger - not the worst rhing. his life goes on with a shorter finger. he can do everything he did before. he lost nothing. but what never changes is a constant reminder that something once rhere is not there anymore. and that sucks. you never get over that. so its little things like gloves and he wears gloves all the time at work. he worked for months with unaltered gloves but i realized how depressing it must be to have this flap of fabric hanging there, making you constantlt know you fucked up. evergtime you see it and feel that fabric. so i cut all his gloves to fit half a finger. because i feel like it would feel good to put on somerhing that was made for your normal and not the majority. like you can feel like everyone else again and not have that reminder. if i could build him a finger, i think i would. if i can customize his gloves atleast its something. my new romantic dream set in more realistic standards is having his mother convert part of the basement to a studio apartment type thing. but thats really selfish of me because i want to keep my cats and the onlt way i could while living there is having this set up. i dont love him more than my cats. theyre with me more. theyve been with me longer. if he wont leave then let me come in. the other day he joked that my apartment searching was taking up attention from him. i said, "well, give me a place to live then." he laughed and paused, "i dont think so, no" i told him to shut the fuck up then and he feigned being shocked, "how could you say that, how could you tell me to shut the fuck up.." nothing has changed. thats actually the most that needs to be said in a conversation involving him as a solution. on both sides. you got nothing for me? shut the fuck up. leave me alone. he hasnt once offered me a solution, even temporarily. but i guess because its all my fault. and we fought - i was vehement about not needing his help. i didnt need to stay with him. i didnt need to move with him. i had a different worst case scenario plan and i still do. but its worst case. and its the last choice i want to make. he could even help me get a place he stays in part time and i could pay the other half and take care of the place. but thats another romantic dream. he doesnt want to pay rent. he doesnt want to ljve with me part time, or full time. for all i know hes fucking fhis old lady at a cottage right now and my romantic dreams will be totally useless time waster.