#like okay she had a serious case of Girl shapes in the novels it was kinda ridiculous lol

[polychromaic]

returning after a few ages with more winny pilgrim art, except this time it’s tboy swag he/she Ramon/a Flowers 🔥

[pascalpanic]

Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Javier Peña x f!Reader)- Chapter Two

Summary: Javier Peña has been on your mind since your first chance meeting, and you’ve been on his. 

W/C: 2.2k

Warnings: language, Javi has dirty thoughts about reader but nothing is explicit

A/N: This chapter is kind of exposition heavy, so I’m going to post Chapter Three pretty quick after this! That’s where things start picking up.

previous chapter | next chapter

 Two nights later, you finish your shift at 2:04 A.M. once more. It was far from as bad as a few nights ago, the night the woman died from the gunshot. The night you met Javier. 

You had thought about the man a lot. He’d given you his business card, in case you ever needed American help, but you knew it was just for the phone on his desk in his office. It wouldn’t really connect you to him. 

He was handsome, and you had caught yourself daydreaming often over the next two days. Thinking about his eyes, his beautiful dark brown hair, the way his mustache worked perfectly on him. 

Finally, you caught Connie as she was walking in. You grabbed her arm quickly and gave her a smile. “Hey, Connie. Can we talk quick?” You ask, and she nods, confused. You pull her into the nurses’ break room and lock the door, and her brow furrows. 

“What’s up?” She asks, very confused. 

“I, uh… what do you know about Javier Peña?” You ask, letting go of her hand and standing a bit back from her. Your crush might be evident in your voice, you have to admit. 

Connie raises an eyebrow and those massive blue eyes grow slightly wider. “What about Javier? What do you know about him, did something happen? Please don’t tell me don’t tell me you’re in some kind of trouble-,”

“No, no, it’s nothing bad,” you ensure, a dopey smile on your face. “I met him the other night at the gym, actually,” you chuckle, tightening your ponytail. Your nervous giveaway. “He seems really nice, and we talked and we figured out that I know you and obviously you know him, and-“ you start to ramble.

Connie cuts you off, holding your forearm and leading you to the table, sitting down in a way that suggests you should too. “What do you know about him?” She asks again, concerned, but you give her a knowing look.

“We all know Steve isn’t a janitor, Connie. I was talking with Javier, I figured out he’s… DEA,” you say in a hushed tone. Connie’s eyes widen but you shake your head again quickly. “It’s okay, I promise I’m not working for Escobar or anything. I told him that too, as I guessed it, and he told me I was right. He’s really damn cute,” you laugh nervously, admitting. “Does he have a- is he… single? Available?”

The nerves fade as Connie realizes the reason you pulled her in here. “Honey, Javier is a total playboy. He sleeps with a lot of women around here,” she admits, making you warm inside from a light amount of embarrassment. “Like… a lot. He’s a really great guy though, and it’s funny that you ran into him like that,” she says, trying to put a positive spin on things, as her style is very much trademarked by. 

“So… you’re saying I shouldn’t really…”

Connie shrugs a little, blonde ponytail swinging behind her. “It’s not gonna be something serious,” she shakes her head, taking your hand in hers. “And I really want the best for you, and for Javier. You’re both two people I really like and want to be happy.” She smiles softly, leaving you smiling back. Her energy is infectious, no matter what mood it is. “Just keep that in mind if you happen to run into him again.” She gives your hand a gentle pat and stands. “Go on home, girl,” she says and waves you towards the door, unlocking and opening it. 

You nod, swinging your purse over one shoulder and your gym bag over the other. “Thanks, Connie. You’re amazing,” you say, patting her shoulder as you leave the room. 

Against her advice, you don’t go home. You want to see Javier again, want to risk it, and so you walk the opposite way: towards the gym. 

-

You had been on his mind lately too. You were beautiful, and so kind and innocent. Your excitement over seeing another American made him chuckle a little when he thought about it, usually earning some kind of tease from Murphy across the desk. 

Javier had casually asked about you, mentioning your name to Steve, but he said he’d never heard Connie mention that name. He brushed it off and said it was something he was looking into for that hit the other night- technically not a lie. 

He thought about your ass in those leggings, the way your chest jiggled in that tight top, your ponytail bobbing along. 

No, he couldn’t deny it, he found you incredibly attractive. It wasn’t just your body, though he did find that to be something else entirely. You seemed like such a good person, and he analyzed every word you said to him that night. How the hell could a person stay in a foreign nation after being dumped, especially in a place like Bogotá? You stayed because you helped the hospital, and the thought was novel. You must be really stupid or really kind, he thought to himself. Maybe both. 

He had stayed late at work for two nights, which was unsurprising considering his workload, but he had forced himself to go home around nightfall.

Tonight, however, was late, and he found himself thinking he’d just keep working and then he’d hit the gym on the way home. It was entirely for his health, not to see if he could run into you again. He knew nursing held odd hours, especially in a place like this, but he hoped that maybe he could catch you again. 

It wasn’t often that Javier takes on more work, but he even dares to take one or two of Steve’s files tonight. Out of the goodness of his heart, he tells himself, not so he can stick around until specifically the 2:00 hour rolls around. 

-

When you finally reach the gym, you lock yourself in the bathroom and change into a fresh pair of clothes for working out: leggings, an old tank top, and your running shoes. 

You hum to yourself as you lock your bag in the metal cubbies and find your way to the boombox, turning on the American station again. You don’t know if he’ll show up tonight, but it’s all you want. To see him again, to keep talking with him. He was fascinating when he finally opened up a little more last time. He talked about his favorite bar in town, his latest work assignment, what life was like growing up in Laredo. He was funny, too, sneaking sarcastic little remarks in between comments. It was nice to talk to someone who understood. Especially nice considering he spoke English. 

You hop on the treadmill with a little extra pep in your step, starting with a jog. 

The treadmill runs a thirty-minute period, and you sigh in relief and slowly walk as it makes you cool down after the intense workout. The sigh has an additional meaning: no Peña to be found. You head to the weight rack, hoping to bide additional time and maybe catch the man. No one has used the rack since him, you notice, or whoever did last uses the same weight. You get beneath it and give it a push: it’s not really too bad. He was grunting and groaning over this?

The door creaks and you look up, grinning as you spot a dark brown head of hair and a mustache to match. “You call this weightlifting?” You tease as he walks in. “I did this when I was like 13.”

The man smiles as he hears your voice. “I’m kind of out of shape,” he admits as he walks in, locking his bag in a cubby as well. “Trying to get back into things.”

“At 2:07?”

“You’re here too, are you not?”

“Touché,” you shrug, setting the bar down again. He groans as he gets on the treadmill, starting the machine up. A few moments pass, each of you doing your own thing. “Another tough night?” Javier shakes his head. “When isn’t it?” he groans, running a hand through that dark hair you’ve been thinking about far too much for comfort lately. You give a little nod, which he sees in the mirrored wall. “Lots of paperwork, no paper trail whatsoever. Escobar is a slippery bastard.”

You nod again, taking in his words. As much as you had been dreaming of this situation for the past days, you aren’t quite sure what to say now. To be honest, you’re exhausted from the long shift and from your full running session. The silence rests for a moment before your thoughts slip from your mouth before you can stop them. “Are you a field agent? Like, do you do stakeouts and stuff?”

The innocence and curiosity in your voice makes Javier smile a little. “I am, and you could say that. That kind of thing, follow up on warrants, gather information.” He bites his lip a little at the last bit- gather information. Yeah, that’s what he does, just… in an unconventional way. 

“Have you ever met Escobar? Like, I know he got put in La Catedral, did you meet him then or anything?” You ask, a little more excited and intrigued than you’re hoping to sound. It’s interesting, though. 

The man seems to humor you by answering. “No, we got close a couple of times, but I’ve never met him or seen him in person.” He keeps running, making his answers a little choppy from his heavy breathing. 

You nod at that. “Interesting.” You sit up, running a hand over your damp face. “I… I’d love to keep chatting, but I’m kind of exhausted. I did my whole workout before I got here, and I just worked a long shift, which means my back is kind of killing me…” you trail off, wishing you didn’t feel so close to falling asleep. He nods, understanding. “I did get to talk with Connie Murphy tonight though,” your mouth babbles, before you can catch it. 

“Oh, about what?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I mentioned that I met you, that I thought it was funny we ran into each other.” “And what did she tell you about me?” he asks with a groan, knowing that Connie probably knew his bad habits better than Steve. Connie was better at observing, noticing one too many Jack Daniels bottles or a spare pair of panties left around his apartment. 

You shrug, not wanting to give your hand away quite yet. “Well, she thought we all still thought Steve was a janitor at the embassy. She tells people that, did you know that? We all know that’s bullshit,” you laugh and shake your head, grabbing your sweatshirt from your locker. “She also told me she thinks you and Steve are sleeping together,” you say, your face hidden from him and holding a sneaky smile.

“What?” Javier whips around, almost falling off the still-moving treadmill. “Why the fuck would she think that?” he exclaims, actually curious as to what would put the thought in her mind. 

You turn, barely holding in a fit of giggles, biting your lip to hold a smile. His confused and almost angry expression cracks into a smile and he shakes his head, causing you to finally let the laughter out. “Oh my god, the way you reacted, maybe you are,” you tease, unable to hold back the smile. “No, she didn’t say that,” you laugh as you pull the warm material over your cooling skin. “She didn’t say much,” you bluff. It’s different to see this man with the knowledge you do have, fully cognizant that his body count is probably very high- sexually, although he may have a high kill count too, you realize.

“Well, that’s good,” he chuckles and turns again. 

“Good, huh? You got some deep dark secret?” you ask, tossing your drawstring bag over you shoulder and folding your arms across your chest.

Javier rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling. “Go home, you’re tired,” he tells you, hopping back onto the rolling track and jogging along to it.

“I’m taking that as a yes,” you call out behind you as you walk out of the gym, the night air hitting your sweaty skin and feeling wonderful. You let out a deep sigh, giggling to yourself as you walk along, your arms wrapped tight around yourself. You had made him laugh.

-

The man is smiling as you leave too, continuing to run for a minute or two more before stopping. He’s tired, and besides, the reason he came here just left. He lets out a soft chuckle as he remembers you teasing him, his face tingeing pink as he thinks of your sarcastic attitude. Javier leaves the gym about eight minutes after you, a similar smile gracing his face as he walks down the darkened streets of Bogotá, back to his apartment.

[crimsonrae]

So I had this idea. Henry has this girlfriend right, and she's pretty independent. She never has the usual worry about money (and not just because she's dating a rich man). Later Henry finds out that she has an Only Fans. A very successful Only Fans. It's not very explicit, she usually posts very tasteful nudes that don't show the good bits or her face so she stays anonymous. Obviously he confronts her about it.

What I want to know is, how do you see this interaction going down? 😘

I apologise if I already sent this to you.

Okay, I had to think about this one - and look into what Only Fans is 😁.

Honestly, I don’t see this interaction going well...but that depends on how he finds out about her career. I think Henry is a person that is big on mutual trust and an understanding that he values privacy.

So here is a best-case and worst-case scenario.

The good interaction:

She is upfront right from the start - maybe she doesn’t give him the full details, but she alludes enough to her work that when she does feel she can divulge the full spectrum that he isn’t all that surprised.

“So... you know how I told you that I do modeling, some nude, but for a website?”

Henry blinks and nods, “Yeah...?”

She shifts uncomfortably but knows that this is a conversation that needs to happen before their relationship goes any further, “Well I actually take and post the photos... it's on a site called OnlyFans.”

“The cam-girl site?” He interrupts, not able to keep a mild tone of disapproval from his voice as he watches her tense. Defeat starts to gleam in her large eyes and he feels like a heel. Slowly, he places his hand over hers and squeezes, silently letting her know that he’s listening.

This is her chance to explain.

She takes it, “There are cam-girls, yes. I don’t do videos...just photos. I have a stage name and I never show my face... you know what?..It'll be easier if I just show you.”

With trembling hands, she pulls her phone out and navigates to her account. Her stomach flutters with nervous apprehension as she slowly hands the device to him. This is it. This will either make or break them.

Henry takes the slim gadget gently from her fingers, his expression blanker than a wall as he scrolls through her page. He sees that she has an impressive number of followers, but he is even more impressed by the quality of her work. It’s startlingly alluring and tasteful... It reminds him of the seductive covers of the market romance novels. Something that is meant to entice and evoke a person’s darker desires and imagination, but still retain a bit of mystery.

After a few minutes, he slides the phone back to her with a sigh before gradually nodding, “Okay.”

She blinks unsure, “Okay?”

“Yeah, thank you for telling me. I know that wasn’t easy, but as long as this doesn't become more...pornographic, for lack of a better term, I’m okay with it.” He said quietly with a soft smile.

Her eyes were wide, unable to believe how well this went, “So you’re not angry...disgusted?”

A chord of sadness struck Henry at her timidity and shook his head, “No..no, of course not. This is more like art...it’s beautiful. Besides it’d be a tad hypocritical with the amount of sex scenes I’ve filmed. This isn’t too dissimilar to what the body doubles do on set.”

“Henry...” She breathed, overwhelmed by the gratitude she felt for this gentle bear of a man. 

He chuckled at her flustered mien and leaned down to press a chaste kiss to her brow, “Breathe, luv.”

The vague thought of introducing her to his agent crossed his mind, body doubles weren’t easy to come by, but that was a talk for another time.

The Bad Interaction:

She isn’t upfront with him and he discovers her page when a costar is talking about her photos.

Waiting had never been a strong suit of his, Henry stared boredly into the set rafters as he waited for the crew to finish fixing a broken prop so shooting could begin again. He had been texting his girl, but she had put a pause on their conversation to go have dinner with a few friends.

Idly, he glanced over to his costar Malcolm, decent enough bloke, but Henry wasn’t sure he’d be friends with him offset. Still, the other man hadn’t uttered a word in ten minutes after making passing observations for the past hour, Henry could only wonder what had captured his attention.

Malcolm was suckered into his phone, eyes wide as he scrolled when he noticed Henry’s curious stare. He smiled sheepishly and turned his phone over, “Sorry, probably shouldn't be looking at these here... but I just love Masked Ivy’s photos. She’s such a tease...she just uploaded her latest set.”

Henry hesitated for a moment, brow furrowing - relatively sure his colleagues was talking about a porn star, “Masked Ivy?”

Malcolm blinked, surprised, “You haven’t heard of her? She’s huge! - Not physically, but.. well, you know.” He handed his phone over, “No one knows her real name, but she’s an artist, man. I wish I could get her number...cuz she is fine.”

Partially out of politeness, more out of insatiable curiosity, Henry looked at the photos. Smooth bare flesh greeted his eyes, a pouty mouth and face hidden by shadow and a mask did little to deter from the soft swell of her pert breasts. He swallowed tightly, feeling a twinge of arousal... but also familiarity. Frowning, he scrolled down and took in more glimpses of this woman’s bare body. 

Then he saw it.

At the top of her shoulder, a birthmark that was shaped similar to a seashell... he knew that mark, he knew this body... this was his girl. A pit began to form in his stomach as feelings of betrayal began to surge and more sharply hurt. They had only been dating for about six months, but things had gotten serious, quickly. 

At least, he had thought they had been serious. His heart panged and he handed the phone back. Distantly, he heard himself say, “Yeah...she’s gorgeous.”

Malcolm grinned and nodded - moving to rave more, but Henry quickly excused himself as he pulled out his phone. She had lied to him. She had told him that she worked in web design. He formed his own account on the FansOnly site and found her page. He felt like he was looking at a stranger.

Disappointed anger, warred with the aching squeeze of his heart shattering and he steadily became overwhelmed by both. If she hadn’t told him about this...what else hadn’t she told him? 

A sickening anxiety choked at his throat as he thought of all the personal things he had told her... He felt like he was falling off a cliff and into familiar and unwanted territory, the land of broken trust. 

With trembling fingers, he pressed her number, barely able to keep his tone calm as he received her voice message prompt, “Hey...We need to talk... Call me.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #416

“don’t pray for me when you’re the one to blame  /  don’t think of me when you go up in flames”

Does your town/area have a farmer’s market? Do you ever buy your vegetables there rather than grocery store? Not close enough for us to actually go there for groceries, no. If you had a significant other and somehow got a chance to kiss your celebrity crush, would you still go for it? Well no, given Mark's been in a serious relationship for like six years, and I'd feel disloyal to my partner. I can just dream about it, ha ha. Do you tend to be attracted to people that are more similar to you in interests and mannerisms or do you tend to be attracted to someone opposite/complementing to you? I tend to be drawn to people I'm more similar to. What is a talent that a lot of other people desire or value but you really don’t care to have (e.g., singing, etc.)? *shrug* If someone asks you to hang out, but for some reason you’re just feeling lazy/don’t want to go anywhere, do you ignore them, make up an excuse, or just tell them the honest truth? Tbh, odds are I'm making up an excuse. Would you like to meet an alien? That would depend on its motives. It might have wisdom to share, or it may be nefarious, in which case I don't wanna meet it obviously. If so, would you trust them enough to go back with them to their planet? That's a no no matter how it acts. Trust issues, my friend. And that's with humans. What do you think is at the end of space. It's kinda science that space is infinite... Do you like D&D or Magic: The Gathering the most? I've never played D&D because I know I would be way, way too awkward to actually do it. M:TG is fun, though. What is your favorite Disney movie? TLKKKKK. What’s your favorite book series? Wings of Fire tops the list right now, but Warriors will always have a very special place in my heart. What’s something you wish they’d build in your neighborhood? Idk. Do you usually keep ponytail holders around your wrist? No. I don't even wear my hair in a ponytail because it's too short. Sunny D or orange juice? Orange juice. I have to be in a very specific mood for Sunny D. Can you snap out of a bad mood fast? Nooooo, unless something drastically good happens. How can a person tell if you’re mad or annoyed? My face will probably give it away, mixed with me being short and snippy or more awkward than normal because I'm trying to not be a bother. What’s something you enjoy that’s outside your age level? Certain TV shows. When your friends come and hang out at your house, what do you get up to? The only friend I have that I hang out with once in a blue moon is Girt, and we'd usually play board games or watch TV. Do you think it’s ignorant for people to have unprotected sex when they’re not ready for a child? Yes. Like yes, I'm pro-choice so won't look down on someone getting an abortion, but I still think you should be willing to act to prevent things from getting to that point where that procedure is chosen. For it or against it, abortion is a serious decision and should be treated as such. What were your favourite things to do as a child? My favorite thing had to be video games, specifically Spyro, and I also adored Webkinz and Neopets on the computer. I also loved playing make-believe with my toys like every other kid. I loved watching Dad play video games, too. I've also been a drawing fiend since I was very little. If you were shopping with your best friend, and they picked an outfit that was completely unflattering, would you tell them? I honestly don't know if I would. Her being comfortable and happy in it is what matters, anyway. Do you prefer using air-con or having the windows down when you’re driving on a hot day? Team A/C for sure. I hate the feeling of wind just slapping the hell outta your face and making a nest out of your hair. Can you ever manage to finish three courses when you go out to eat at restaurants? No. What would you say your favourite farm animal is? Pigs! They are so incredibly misunderstood. They're very intelligent, CLEAN (I know, can you believe it?), silly, and happy animals that I just adore. Is your ex currently in a relationship and if yes, how do you feel about that? Idk if "the" ex is with anyone, and it's for the better I don't, probably. Which one of your friends should be a stand-up comedian? Girt. Is your mom a better driver or your dad? Oh yeah. Dad tailgates like a motherfucker. What's your least favorite genre of music? Either rap or country, idk. Do you like poems? I do. Do you enjoy drawing? I have a love-hate relationship with it. I LOVE when something comes out the way I wanted it to, but if it doesn't, I feel very disappointed in myself and bash it into my head that I could do better. Do you even have any drawing talent? So I'm told. Have you ever seen The Sound of Music? Yes, in elementary school's music class. Ever seen Beetlejuice? If so, did you enjoy it? Oh yes, that was one of Jason's favorites. I liked it. How do you deal with oppressive heat? Complain, sweat my ass off, do anything I can to cool off that doesn't involve taking clothes off. What’s one thing that people definitely CAN’T count on you for? To remember pretty much anything whatsoever. What about something they definitely can count on you for? An ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. How do you feel about your handwriting? I like it. Is there a store that bothers you immensely for some reason (people who shop there irritate you or the employees who work there are rude, etc.)? Uhhhh I don't think so. What’s something you complain about frequently? If I'm hot, or my legs hurting. If you’re home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do? Ignore it. I'm not answering. What’s one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It's an anti-war pacifism novel, which is something I'm very much passionate about. Would you ever get one of those old school “mom” tattoos with the heart? No. I know with certainty I want a tribute to my mom when she passes, but definitely not that design. Are you a Giants fan? I don't care for sports, but the NYG always make me think of Jason's dad, who is like, obsessed with them. So I guess I feel a bit of warmness towards them just for memory's sake. Last time you went pumpkin picking? Never. Do you prefer eating corn straight off the cob or corn already taken off the cob? I think corn on the cob tastes better with all the butter and spices you can put on it, but I do enjoy off the cob too because it's just so much cleaner. Would you want your family to go on Wife Swap? Well, I live with my mom and she's divorced, so... I don't have to worry about this. How old is your current e-mail address? God, I've had it since I was a kid. Last time you conversed with someone in a language other than English? Not since taking a test for German in high school. Last video you favorited on YouTube? Oh my god, it was this video from my favorite reptile channel (Snake Discovery) of them taking their pet tegu to the park. She clearly had SO much fun. Now mind you I very rarely favorite things, so yeah, I adored the video. Do you like chocolate with coconut filling? Noooo, I'm not a coconut fan at all. What was the first thing you ate today? Mom made bacon, yuuuuum. Do you know how to play Mahjong? No. Mom loves it, though. Do you have any skirts longer than knee-length? I don't own any skirts. What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone you weren’t dating? Just flirting. Ever had a promise ring? No. What about one of those “I’ll wait until marriage” rings (I think they’re called purity rings or something)? They're called abstinence rings, and yes, in HS. Funny how looking back I was definitely breaking that vow while I wore it lmao. What is the shortest time you’ve heard of people being together before getting married? My late grandma and her second husband got married SO fast. Like they were together for probably a couple months (maybe less?), then boom, the news came that they were engaged. Are any of your friends currently pregnant? Facebook friends, yes, which are mostly composed of old friends and acquaintances from school. One poor girl very recently got into a bad wreck, but thank goodness she and her unborn daughter are okay. Have you ever played golf? I loved playing putt-putt when I was younger, and then Jason and I once had a mini-golf date. It was really cute. When was the last time you waxed anything on your body, if ever? It's been some years since I used to wax my eyebrows. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. A minor one, but still. Can you honestly say you love the last person you kissed? Yep. Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yeah. Would you ever go on Fear Factor? Noooo. I would NEVER get past day #2 where they tend to do the disgusting shit, and I'm way too out of shape to do the wild stuff they do. What colour was the last mask you wore? Blue. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Oh yes, Sara has an absolutely beautiful voice. When was the last time you had a nightmare? I had two last night, actually. I have this habit of taking my APAP mask off in the middle of the night because it's a nuisance, and I never remember doing so. When I do that, I'm much more prone to have nightmares because the mask helps my sleep apnea, which causes my nightmares/terrors. Where do you see yourself in ten years? I do NOT want to imagine this. It's either going to be beautiful or a fucking catastrophe, of that I'm sure. Does your family have traditions? Just pretty ordinary holiday ones. Have you ever met anyone half-way famous? Tez is famous, as far as I'm concerned. :') I also have some musician friends trying to make it, but idk how far they've actually gotten in the industry. Is there a celebrity that you are related to? No, just ancestors. Would you call your last relationship a mistake? Definitely not. Would you ever take up a job in photography? Ugh... that's the fucking dream. But I'm massively losing hope. Do you throw out your assignments once you’ve gotten them back? When I was in school, it depended on whether it would serve as good study material or not. Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? My old friend Jenna messaged me a few days back just to say she was thinking about me and wished me well, which I really appreciated. Of course I messaged her back wishing her the same and all. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? Don't believe so, no. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, I used to. She vanished. Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex? No. Don't want to. I want to be alone when I shower.

[spencers-dria]

Lost in a Daydream

Someone to Stay Ch. 14

Content/Trigger Warnings: darker topics on death and mentions of alcohol

You step into your patients room, closing the door gently behind you. The palliative care nurse is already in the room, breaking the news to the husband.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Gray. I know you love Cristina very much. This is a difficult time, and we are here to help you through it in any way we can."

"Help?! You're not helping!" He yells as he stands up, pushing the nurses hand off his shoulder.

"If you were really helping you'd be saving her not letting her die!" Tears start to stream down his face as he clenches his fists, his face red with anger.

"I know it's hard to understand. There's nothing else that can be done. It's been 30 days on the ventilator. Do you remember the paperwork she filled out? She didn't want to live like this."

"Don't you dare tell me what my wife wanted! And I don't care about any damn paperwork! I'm her husband, and I should get final say!"

His body language has definitely become more aggressive. You step in to help diffuse the tension, and act as backup if needed. You quickly page the charge nurse, before things escalate. You'd rather have too much help than not enough.

"I know you're hurting Mr. Gray. We truly are sorry. But your wife made legally binding choices, and we have to honor her wishes. We will help you through every step and make her as comfortable as possible."

"I've heard enough! I'm not gonna stick around here to watch you people kill my wife!"

He storms out pushing past both of you, nearly knocking over the charge nurse on her way into the room.

The three of you share a look, knowing how hard this can be on families. You get ready to continue the process, making sure you stick by Cristina Gray's side so she's not alone.

A couple hours later, it's the end of shift and you're completely beat, emotionally and physically. Luckily you made plans for a girls night, and if anyone can cheer you up, it's Penelope Garcia.

You arrive at Penelope's apartment to find that Aunt JJ and Emily have already arrived. They're all sitting around chatting with full wine glasses. 10 things I Hate About You is on in the background, a classic. You plop down on the couch, reaching over to the coffee table to pour yourself a glass of wine.

"Long day, huh?" Emily asks, looking genuinely concerned.

"Yeah we had to let a patient go. The family didn't take it too well."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N." JJ says while wrapping an arm around you to give you a comforting squeeze.

Penelope gets up from her seat to embrace you in a hug. You needed that.

You take in a deep breath before responding. "Thank you, all of you. But I'll be ok, I'm pretty used to it. Tonight I just want to relax, and have fun!"

"Well in that case, how are things going with Spencer?" Emily raises her eyebrows, giving you a smirk.

"Emily!" JJ chastises her, giving her a look of exasperation.

You laugh it off. "No it's okay. We're good friends. We are uh... well we are planning a trip. He's never been to The Wizarding World in Orlando. So..."

You feel your face start to burn as the three of them give you knowing looks, JJ included.

"But you like him right?" Penelope pipes up.

Your eyes go wide and you know you've turned completely red. "I don't uhhm...well I don't..."

You bury your face in your hands, gripping at your hair. You finally breath the words out. "I don't know." It's the closest you've come to acknowledging that there might be something between the two of you.

"Well, I will say this, he's a wonderful guy. And the two of you seem to really enjoy your time together. Now if you don't feel that way, that's fine too. There's no pressure."

How is it that Aunt JJ can always put you completely at ease. You look up at her with a nervous smile.

The other two chime in "Yeah no pressure!" "We're just being nosy!"

Penelope whispers a little to loudly to Emily "They'd be really cute together though..."

"I know right!" Emily grins.

You can't help but giggle, a smile breaking through on your face. It wasn't the worst idea.

"I wanted to kiss him the other day, I think."

That got their attention. They've now gathered around you, prodding for more information.

Penelope insisting you tell the whole story of what happened. You recount how he showed up at your door, calling you pretty when you felt you looked your worst. You explained how the two of you had laid closer for the movie, how having your head on his shoulder made your heart race.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" JJ asks.

"Oh! Oh no...I couldn't. I can't! There's no way he would ever..."

Emily cuts you off. "Yes there is way he would ever." She laughs, rolling her eyes. "You're gorgeous and kind and funny. Based on the way he looks at you, it's a pretty sure bet he knows all of that to be true."

"The way he l-looks at me?" You falter at the thought. You'd never noticed anything.

"Oh my gosh yes!" Penelope squeals. "He looks at you like you're the best thing he's ever seen, like he'd do anything for you. It's straight out of a romance novel."

You feel your face turning red again, as you swallow the growing lump in your throat. The thought of talking to Spencer about any of this really does a number on your anxiety.

"We'll see. I'll just...well maybe he'll say something."

"Have you met Spencer?" Emily jests giving you a look that says that's a stretch.

You just laugh it off. Now that you think about it, you've been growing feelings for him for weeks now. You'd even admit to feeling something at Rossi's dinner party. But you were just now coming to terms with this. You've barely processed it yourself. You're definitely not ready to dump it all on Spencer.

Attention slowly turns back to the movie as the other three continue sipping on their wine, chatting about what a great match Kat and Patrick make. But your thoughts are anywhere but the movie. You find yourself imaging what it would be like to date Spencer. He's already such a wonderful friend,

you can't help but wonder how he would act in the role of boyfriend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss him. He's probably so shy and timid, knowing Spencer. He's such a sweetheart. The thought has you smiling to yourself.

The other three ladies notice your attention is elsewhere as the see the look on your face. They all exchange knowing looks and smiles.

————————————————————

Spencer POV:

Since the girls were having a night together, Morgan insisted we do something as well. Somehow we landed on the gym, which I certainly did not vote for. Hotch and Rossi both had plans so it's just me and Morgan. After dragging me to several different machines, he finally lets us take a water break.

"You're getting better at keeping up pretty boy. I remember when you first started and you couldn't make it through more than 5 minutes," he laughs.

I roll my eyes but decide to take it as a compliment.

"You gotta keep in shape for the ladies am I right? Or should I say lady?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me a huge grin on his face.

"I don't know what you're taking about." I look at the wall in front of me as I sit to do some stretches, avoiding his gaze at all cost.

"Oh c'mon don't play dumb with me man. I've seen the way you look at Y/N. And don't you two spend all your free time together?"

"Morgan, no! We're just friends!"

"Oh okay. You're telling me, you've honestly never thought about dating her?"

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. He's not wrong. I sit there for a minute, thinking about all the times the thought had crossed my mind. I remember the butterflies I felt when we were sitting in the coffee shop together. I think about all the movie nights where I had to stop myself from grabbing her hand. Then there was the night at the bar, when it was all I could do not to lean in and kiss her as she danced with me. I must look completely lost in a day dream because Morgan sees the look on my face before responding.

"Yeah that's what I thought pretty boy."

I jump back up and make my way over to the weights, which I usually do my best to avoid. Weights are more of Morgan's arena. I put all my frustrations about not understanding my own feelings into every rep. Morgan walks over to spot me, hell bent on continuing the conversation.

"So how are you going to ask her out?"

I set the weights down, wiping the sweat off my head with a towel and running my fingers through my hair.

"You think I should ask her out?" My voices raises a few pitches, out of nervousness.

"Heck yeah! She'd be crazy to say no to a great guy like you!"

I roll my eyes, giving him a quick shove as I can't help but laugh. Derek may pick on me a lot, but he always has my back. His confidence in me boosts my own confidence a bit.

"I don't want to mess things up. She's my best friend..."

He sits down beside me, taking a serious tone.

"You two have gotten pretty close. If the two of you are as tight knit as you seem, I wouldn't worry about that. Either she'll say no and you'll both let it go, continuing a great friendship..."

"Or?" I question, worry covering my face.

"Or she'll say yes and the two of you will have a wonderful wedding."

And Morgan is back at it again. I roll my eyes at him as I stand to head to the locker room. But as I walk away, I can't stop smiling.

I decide to bounce some ideas off of him, about what I could do for a first date. I don't want to just do dinner and a movie. I want it to be special and unique just like her. After we throw out a couple ideas Morgan finally asks "Well why don't you use something the two of you have done or talked about? Or maybe something she told you about herself? When did you first start having feelings for her? That could be a good place to start."

I think back to when she joined me for phantasmagoria and we spent the evening in the coffee shop/music store. She told me how wrapped up her feelings were in music. An idea starts to blossom and I quickly tell Morgan, hoping to work through all the details. It has to be perfect. If it works out like I plan, I can ask her out and have our first date all at once. I want to show her how much I care, and I can't think of a better way to do it.

[missgulliverinlilliput]

Miss Gulliver in Lilliput: The Junior Novelization chapter 1: The Arrival

Leia Gulliver clung to the railing for dear life, as the storm threatened to overtake the Swifts’ yacht. Another wave came over the side, dousing her in the salty spray and threatening to drag her back into the depths with it. The sky above was in turmoil, dark and ominous as though warning the two families they never should have dared come upon the sea for their vacation this day. 

A crack of lightning lit up the air, revealing the figures of her parents and neighbors scuttering about like lost seals surrounded by killer whales waiting impatiently for prey. For a brief moment, Leia saw the fearful look on her parents’ faces. She reached out a hand...

With a startled yell she suddenly felt herself pulled over the edge, miraculously tossed to the surface once more.

“Leia!” Someone called out, but Leia could not make out who it was in the darkness of the storm. She struggled to stay afloat as it was, finding solace in her lifejacket.

“Help!” Leia cried out, watching with growing dread as she was tugged further and further away, but whether her desperate screams were heard was of little consequence now; for better or worse she was at the mercy of the waves. She sputtered along, every so often finding herself drenched once more as wave after rocky wave crashed above her head. What was she going to do? She was adrift in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of a storm, with no ship in sight, and far from any… land?

Leia paused, feeling her feet touch sand. She had probably merely stumbled across a sandbar by chance, but Leia knew that this was not something that should form on its own. If she could touch here, land could not be far off.

Coughing up a bit of seawater, Leia tried to look around, disoriented as she continued to swim. It felt like several hours had passed since she was sent adrift, and by now the teenager was exhausted. As if to finally show mercy it seemed the storm had decided to die down, and in the silvery moonlight, Leia spotted a tiny island in the distance.

Spurred on by the sight, Leia used her last bout of adrenaline to swim to the shore. When she finally made it, she walked several paces inland to ensure that if the storm returned she would not be taken back to see.

Her mind screamed shelter, but she felt too exhausted to find a proper one. Letting her emotions overcome her, Leia slung her waterproof bag off of her shoulder, pulled off her lifejacket, laid down on the surprisingly soft sand and wondered if she would ever wake again.

...

Despite the length, the fourteen-year-old’s green gown was not meant to be worn at night, let alone after a storm. The cap sleeves were short, and the fabric was semi-thin. Lovely for when the nights were gentle and pleasant. She shivered as she rushed through the trees, her feet frequently tripping on the hem of the dress; a constant transition of speed-walking and jogging and minor tumbles forward.

The memory of the recent argument with her stepmother still buzzing in her head like an angry wasp, the girl trudged onward, knowing what lay beyond the other side of the woods. A nice trip to the seaside sounded like a good idea. The smell of the sea would do good to clear her head.

Lifting the skirt of her dress so that she could move at an even quicker pace, she continued onward toward the beach until she emerged onto the sand. Unfortunately, as she walked along the moonlit shore, she found herself only able to ruminate on the woman who took her dear mother’s place.

She huffed, gritting her teeth. So incensed was she at that lady that she didn’t pay attention to where she was going.

That is, until she tripped.

However, instead of collapsing on the sand, she landed face first on something large, soft and warm. Letting out a grunt of frustration, she picked herself up, and looked around, trying to make out in the darkness what made her trip.

Stretched out before her were five long objects. As her eyes adjusted, she noticed that they had a familiar shape. She looked down at her right hand, and opened up her fingers before her face to compare them to the unknown shapes. Sure enough, they matched perfectly.

Looking down at the mass beneath her, the girl realized with dawning horror that she was sitting on a giant hand.

Her curiosity forced her to follow the arm attached to that hand with her eyes. The blood drained from her face, then.

Before her was a huge face, eyes closed and lips slightly parted.

The tiny girl screamed. All thoughts of her despised stepmother were now completely forgotten as she leapt off of the hand, running with full speed back the way she came. Occasionally she tripped on her dress, but her adrenaline kept her going, until the lights of the city became visible to her.

Collapsing on the outskirts of town to catch her breath, the girl reflected on what she saw. Was… Was that an actual giant on the beach? Like in some of the stories she heard as a kid? She had to warn everybody, but would anyone believe her? Or even worse, what if the giant awoke before she could spread the warning? What if it was coming to destroy the town right now?

Staggering to her feet, she glanced over to the palace just beyond the city. Her father knew the Emperor. If she could warn him...

She took off again towards town. As she dashed through the dimly-lit streets, others took notice of her.

“Isn’t that Gabrielle?” the baker’s daughter asked.

“That’s Gabby, all right,” the cobbler answered with a resigned shrug. “I can’t even begin to imagine what’s got her so steamed up this time.”

Gabby didn’t hear them. She was too determined to see the Emperor.

At last, she reached the palace, hurrying up the steps to where two guards stood.

“Y-You gotta let me in!” she gasped.

“Not now, kid,” one guard said. “The Emperor’s in an important debate with the Emperor of Blefuscu.”

“I dunno,” said the other. “Sounds more like an argument from where I’m standing.”

Indeed, there seemed to be an argument; Two male voices, their words unintelligible from where Gabby stood, echoed out from the window of the throne room.

“Wh-But this is serious!” Gabby shouted indignantly. “I gotta see the Emperor now!” 

“Sorry, kid,” the first guard only replied. “Guess it’ll have to wait, whatever it is.”

Gabby huffed, silently cursing to herself as she stomped away. Now what?

Looking back at the palace, something caught her eye. A window on the ground floor, big enough for her to climb through.

Making sure the guards weren’t looking in her direction, Gabby snuck over to the window and pulled on it. Sure enough, it was unlatched.

Without a second thought, she pulled it open and heaved herself inside. She needed to tell the Emperor of the giant, and by golly, was she going to do just that!

...

Unseen by the adolescent, a man in a flowing cape and full royal regalia exited the palace and into his waiting carriage. He halted only long enough to whisper to three men awaiting him.

“Men, we’re at war, now.”

The shortest of the trio exclaimed “YES! Finally!” So saying, he pulled out a wicked-looking sword from his belt.

“Not right now, you idiot!” The tallest chastised, smacking the short man over the head.

The man in the middle, a burly fellow, asked “Your Majesty? What do we have to do?”

“I’m ordering you to remain here in Lilliput as spies. We go to war tomorrow. That will be all.”

Thus, the Emperor of Blefuscu and his attendants rode away.

...

Meanwhile, the Emperor of Lilliput was at a loss of what to do. His debate with the Blefuscuian Emperor had not gone so well.

“Did it really have to come to this?” he bemoaned.

As he sat on his throne contemplating the situation, a sudden commotion from outside the throne room reached his ears. It sounded as though his guards were trying to keep someone from entering.

He perked up. He recognized the intruder’s voice.

Standing up, he walked across the room to the double doors. As he pulled them open, his suspicions were confirmed: Gabrielle was there, arguing with the guards.

“...I saw it with my own eyes!” she exclaimed. “It’s as big as a barn!” She took notice of the Emperor. “Your Majesty, you gotta hear me out!”

“It’s okay,” the Emperor told the guards. “We know her father. Let her in.”

The guards obliged, and Gabby followed the Emperor into the throne room, all the while telling her story.

“I-I was on the beach, a-and I saw th-this thing... It’s a real giant, I’m telling ya! A real giant!”

This got the Emperor’s attention. “A giant?” 

“Yeah! Finally you get me!” 

But the Emperor replied “And, uh, why should I take your word for it, exactly?”

Gabby was incredulous. “Ya really think I would come here and risk being thrown in jail for breaking in if I wasn’t telling the truth?!”

The Emperor hummed. The kid had a point.

“So…there’s a giant…”

“Yeah...”

“...on the beach.”

“Yeah! You gotta do something about it!”

The Emperor bit his lips. “Well…it doesn’t hurt to check, right? In case you dreamed the whole thing.”

“I didn’t-I was on that thing’s HAND! How could that be a dream?!” Gabby protested. The Emperor ignored her, however.

They exited the throne room, and to the guards, he said “Get a mob ready. We’re going giant hunting.”

[ikisbookshelf]

Kyoru - Day 1: Stay

Prompt: Stay

Words: 2374

Rating: Teen

Beware, this fic contains major spoilers of the manga series! 

---

He couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true. It all had to be a very good dream. A miserable one when he’d awaken from it.

Kyo could finally hug her- and his head couldn’t wrap itself around that.

Emotion bubbled out from his chest as he enveloped his strong arms around her petite waist. Tohru felt warm. She felt like- like Tohru. Hugging her for the first time without transforming into a strange orange house pet filled him with an unknown warmth that spread itself like wildfire through every inch of his body.

Tears spilled silently as he yanked that damn bracelet of his wrist, the snapping sound filling the silence as both Tohru and he held their breaths.

Clack. Clack. Clack.

The thunderous sound of the beads crashing on the cement of the park resonated as they rolled off in every direction, finally having broken free of their thread. Kyo was finally free. The cat had managed to escaped his faith.

He was sure it was because of her. She was always the answer for everything good that happened in his life.

Tohru had spent the remaining quarter of the hour of their time at the park picking up each fallen bead, cradling it within her hands all whilst she wept. It had also set part of her free when the animals of the zodiac had said their final goodbyes to God.

The rest of the walk home was quiet. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. Neither of them had anything to say. All that mattered was that they could finally be together after all that time, with no strings attached, literally.

Their hands were clasped together, either of them too afraid to let go. They silently feared that if they let go of each other, the curse would somehow revert itself back to being present, the day’s events too good to be true.

---

Arriving home felt surreal. The quietness as they made their way through the entrance was unsettling. Kyo nor Tohru felt ready to break the silence either. What if—what if when they acknowledged the fact that they were together, it would end this unrealistic dream?

Words weren’t necessary in this case, though. A permanent rosy colour painting their cheeks and the occasional soft smile whenever their eyes met was enough communication the two had to make. They simply understood one another.

Both young adults ambled to the living room, Kyo taking a seat facing the kitchen and Tohru continuing towards it to prepare some tea.

Her dainty hands trembled as she descended two mugs from the cabinet above her head. She filled the kettle with enough tap water for two and the familiar clicking sounds of the stove being turned on resonated throughout the main living area.  

It took a few minutes for the kettle to boil, giving Tohru a moment to collect her thoughts. What now? She hadn’t envisioned this far, not after the incident that brought her into the hospital. But that didn’t matter anymore; She and Kyo were finally together, and that’s all she had ever wished for. She shouldn’t be more selfish than that.

The screech of the water having reached its boiling temperature and the clasping of the fluttering cap as it expelled puffs of warm humid air caught her by surprise. She squeaked in response, clutching the side of the kitchen counter she was leaning against.

“Idiot, it’s just the kettle. You started it in the first place,” a gentle male voice replied behind her. She felt his warm and tender hands snake around her waist once more.

Kyo held her tightly, refusing to let go. He pressed his chin to the top of her head, smelling her body’s natural perfume.

Tohru, Tohru, Tohru. The only word that filled his brain.

He couldn’t get enough of her.

“I’m sorry I got scared Kyo-kun. I didn’t expect the water to boil so soon,” she replied, giggling a few times and breathing a sigh of contentment as she felt the kindhearted presence of her now boyfriend directly against her.

His teasing dramatic sigh sent them both in a laughing fit as they captured this precious memory in their minds. One of many they would make as a couple, that was certain.

---

The evening came and went, the pair eating dinner alone without the company of the other inhabitants of the house.

“I wonder what Shigure-san and Yuki-kun are up to. I should prepare them a plate just in case they arrive and haven’t already eaten,” she pondered aloud, mostly to herself.

“Ah, don’t bother with them. They can feed themselves. At this rate, they’re probably all together at the main house weeping about the curse,” Kyo replied nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

“But- but that’s no good! I should call them to see if they’re okay,” Tohru answered, panic lacing her voice as she pushed herself up from her seated position at the living-room table, eyes fixated on the hall where the telephone was located.

“Tohru,” he retorted as his hand reached out to grab her wrist before she got away too far from him, “you’re making too big a deal out of this. They’ll come when they’re ready.”

“You’re probably right,” she mumbled, tears starting to well up in her eyes as she gazed into his feline-shaped ones.

The petite girl slumped back down on the ground, sitting beside Kyo this time.

“That’s my idiot,” he said, gently stroking her hair as he pulled her into a side embrace, resting his head atop of hers.

Tohru snuggled deeper to his side, humming pleasantly as she could finally be close to the one she loved. Never had she envisioned this day truly become a reality. She hated to be pessimistic, but the thought of the curse breaking and hugging the orange haired boy she’d grown so fond of, was only in her furthest fantasies.

---

The two of them had been inseparable throughout the day, joined by the hip. Tohru had insisted they wait for Yuki and Shigure, only for 9 pm to roll around. At that point, Kyo got impatient and decided he’d head up to his room.

“You’re welcome to join me, I’m probably just going to do a bit of reading or training, nothing exciting,” he told her, trying not to sound too hopefully. He’d become soft, that he knew—but he hadn’t become that soft.

“Okay! Let me go get a book too!” she exclaimed, thrilled by the invitation.

Her heart started to race even more when she bounded up the stairs, Kyo trailing behind her at a much slower pace. He’d never invited her in his room to “hang-out” before. Tohru knew that boyfriends and girlfriends became intimate with one another over time, but she was certain that’s not what Kyo had intended. They could finally be at peace and spend time together without the risk of being forcefully torn apart. And that was the greatest feeling of all.

“Slow down or you’ll trip and fall,” his voice resonated down the hall behind her as she had already practically made her way up to her room a few doors down.

She giggled and turned to beam at him, giving one of her signatures smiles before waltzing through her room’s doorway. He chuckled and returned her smile. A true smile.

Tohru hurriedly rummaged through her small collection of belongings. She had a few books that Hana and Uo had lent or given to her over the years, grabbing a few of them she thought could be interesting.

It hadn’t even been a few minutes before Kyo heard a soft rapping noise at his door.

“Come in,” she heard from behind the door.

As she turned the doorknob slowly and stepped inside his room, she tried to memorize each aspect. Kyo had been a fairly secretive person with his personal life and she hadn’t had many opportunities to see his room.

He must have noticed she was staring at her surroundings as he proclaimed, “Boring, I know.”

Tohru wouldn’t call his room boring. It just wasn’t lavish or extravagant, and there was nothing wrong about that. It was very natural, just like him.

“Nu-huh. It’s just like Kyo-kun,” she declared in all certainty.

“Goof.”

It didn’t take her long to join him around the small table in the middle of the room. He offered her a pillow to sit on and the two sat crossed legged, beside one another like the lovey-dovey lovebirds they were. The window was open so the occasional cicada or bird noise could be heard, but apart from that, only the sound of beating hearts filled the room.

Minutes turned into hours before Kyo noticed that the slumped-up figure beside him had fallen asleep. She had said nothing or really moved during the entire time they were reading, and he had been too engrossed in his novel he didn’t even notice her falling asleep.

He tried as best as he could to remove the magazine she had been looking at. It was open at a page of a local zoo not too far from the Sohma residence. Perhaps she’d been wanting to go? He’d have to be certain to ask her about it tomorrow.

Kyo slipped the pages out of her delicate hands and placed it on the table. Now would be the tricky part. How could he reposition her to a futon without waking her up? Luckily for him, his girlfriend was a deep sleeper and despite gently placing her against the floor as he wriggled to get off with as little movement as possible, she hadn’t stirred.

He let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he had been holding as he stood up to set up his futon close to the window. He unrolled the soft bedcovers and placed his two pillows side by side.

As he went to pick up Tohru, she let out a few unintelligible mumbles below her breath. Whatever she was dreaming about, it seemed serious the way her eyebrows were drawn so closely together.

He gently laid her down on his bed and covered her small frame with his large futon cover. Kyo tucked her in before getting back up to get changed. He had been wearing the same sweater since this morning and it was too warm to sleep in it. Browsing in his dresser, he pulled out a plain blue t-shirt and a pair of black sweats with a white stripe running down each leg.

Kyo had two choices. He could either risk waking her up when he exited the room since his door squeaked, or he could pray she wouldn’t wake up and change technically in front of her.

He chose the latter.

Swallowing up his pride, he turned his back to her and faced the wall. He stripped down to his boxers and quickly pulled over his night garments. Peaking over his shoulder, he noticed that  Tohru had turned onto her side, but was still taking deep shallow breaths. Good, she hadn’t woken up.

Deep down, had he wanted her to wake up? Did he want her to see him in that way now that they had confessed each other’s love?

No! There was no way in hell that Kyo was thinking such impure thoughts! He shook his head a few times hoping it would chase that kind of thinking away. There was no way he could think like that yet. Plus, he highly doubted Tohru would even ever think of him like that. Fuck no. What in the world had gotten into him?

He sighed and ran his hands from his face to his hair trying to shake off these feelings that had steadily grown over the past year. Not today, he told himself.

Kyo placed himself on the ground beside the futon and slipped one of his floor cushions under his head. He curled up with his back facing her. Unable to sleep due to his racing heart, he stared at the stars and the moon outside of his window.

An hour passed by before he heard the commotion happening on the floor below. The rest of the household had finally arrived home. He wouldn’t go see them, though, he could deal with them tomorrow morning when he had more energy. For now, he’d enjoy these last few minutes with Tohru before she’d wake up and would realize that she’d fallen asleep in the wrong room.

He heard the knocking down the hall which was presumably the oh-so-perfect rat trying to check if she was awake.

His assumption had been right as the knocking sound was quickly followed by a faint, but still distinguishable, “Miss Honda?”

Obviously, there had been no response.

Don’t you dare come here and embarrass her, you darned rat!

Kyo turned to face her when he heard her stir beside him. Apparently, the commotion of the entryway was enough noise to wake her. Her eyes struggled to open as she let out a soft wince. Her hands came up to her eyes, and she methodically rubbed the sleepiness out of them.

“K-Kyo-kun?” she asked as she was greeted with the sight of him lying on his side, prompting his head up with his hand.

“Mhm?”

“I should probably go to sleep,” she mumbled as she tried to push herself off from her comfortable position.

“Can you please… stay?” Kyo murmured, so softly he doubted she even heard him.

Tohru’s face flushed and even in the room's darkness, it was visible. She gave him a slight nervous nod. Her eyes looked at the floor and a small smile tugged at her lips.

She scooted towards the side of the futon to allow him some room under the blanket. Kyo didn’t have to be told twice. He moved off the floor and onto the soft surface where he could be close to her.

“Turn over,” he whispered.

And she obliged. He cuddled up to her, acting as if he was the bigger spoon and rested his hands around her waist, pulling her in.

It felt so warm. So right.

As they were both drifting to sleep, he was certain he heard her whispering, “don’t tell Shigure.”

But maybe that had just been his imagination.

[sleepnginstardust]

Werewolf boyfriend and girlfriend (part 1/??)

I really enjoy the short stories by @momolady @monsterywriting and @monstersandmaw. So I wanted to write something that hopefully would live up to some of their amazing writing. Fair warning I don’t have anyone who’s able to proof read for me so I’ve as best as I can to make sure that everythings okay. Let me know if y’all find anything! This 

Castle Hill,  the sign was almost too perfect. When I was first looking at places to move this place hadn’t even occurred to me than someone I know of brought a listing to my attention.

“I know you’re thinking of moving to a less populated place, wouldn’t want anyone to bother your writing now would you!” The little jab at my writing career was annoying, but kind of spot on? I had been stuck in a rut for my second novel in my series for a while and while I don’t mind living in a densely populated area. The noise and just all of the people get to me after a while. It takes more energy for me to head to the corner bodega than it should. So I had been looking for a house in a small town that was within at the most a three-hour drive from the city. 

The listing my acquaintance had posted on my facebook was for a house in the small town of Castle Hill. Bigger than what I needed but still cheaper than owning an apartment in the city. So I booked a viewing.

The realtor I talked with was surprised when I contacted them, he said something about not a lot of newcomers to the town. Never a good thing to hear if I ever wanted to sell the house again. I vaguely remember asking a few more questions.  Something about the community college that was in the town and I asked about a motel or an AirB&B in the area.

The realtor laughed, he said that there was a small Bed and Breakfast in the area and that he could give me the number if I was serious about wanting to see the house. It was odd when he asked me again if I was serious about seeing the house. When I said I would be up at the end of the week to see the house, he hesitated and said that he looked forward to someone so obstinate.

So I drove the three-ish hours, it took to get to Castle Hill, the drive was gorgeous. The busy city by the bay slowly gave way to winding roads through farmland. Slowly the farmland gave way to rolling hills and soon the hills became forests. The trees were small at first then slowly growing larger the farther I drove. 

By the time I reached the town sign, I was truly in a  forest. There were small clearings here and there, in fact, the town was built in one such clearing. The town sign showed the edge and while it was a large clearing tree still peppered the area causing a rustic feel that I remember from my childhood spent in the mountains.

Quaint wooden walkways were in place of the concrete sidewalks I was used too. It made me feel like I had moved back in time. The Old Fashion buildings made everything, even the modern day coffee shop seem like it had all been there for years. As I drove past I saw, a butchers place, a florist's and a small hardware store. 

The small crafts store was something that drew my eyes, it's bright exterior showed only a small portion of what was inside. As I made my way through the more suburban portion of the town I started to notice all the families. Naga men and women with their clutch of young, I saw a small satyr with a stunning woman and three children jumping up and down. I saw a beautiful Centaur woman with an equally stunning woman and a small centaur girl jumping around them. 

As I pulled up to the Victorian house a woman not much older came out to greet me. She stood tall and proud which honestly made me feel a bit like a slob. especially after driving the three and a half hours it took me to get here.

"You must be Abigail, I'm Kara. It's so nice you are able to join us. I'll show you the room." As she took me through the house I looked at all the old photos slowly morph into newer ones. I felt like I was walking through a carefully preserved museum.

"Okay, is this a family home? I'm seeing photos from the 1880's 1870's at the earliest." Kara paused for a moment and looked back at me while giving a small smile.

"I'm surprised you noticed, most people just assume that I find old photos in antique stores or something like that." I looked down with a small blush on my face. History was one of the few things I enjoyed. Feeling a little embarrassed I muttered something I don't remember. 

"My family has been in this area since the early 1860's. This house itself was built around 1904 right after the large earthquake that struck San Francisco." Kara  showed me the house along with many more photos of the town from the early days. 

The house itself was beautiful. Old but wonderfully kept wooden floors and antique looking wallpaper throughout. Each room was its own separate room. The furniture in each room seemed like it had been made especially for each room. The dining room had a large table with what seemed like 14 chairs.

She showed me the kitchen with its cozy dining nook where Kara explained that she served both breakfast and dinner there if I would want to join her. I couldn’t turn down such a wonderful woman so I readily found myself agreeing. 

Finally she led me up the stairs and to the upper story where opened the door to a decent sized bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. The entire room smelled lightly of lilacs, which normally would bother me but with how light the sent was it didn’t bother me.

She carefully bowed out and put a key with rose shaped key fob attached on the nightstand. Slowly I dragged my battered carry on bag onto the almost pristine white luggage stand. I carefully pulled out my small makeup bag and a small toiletries bag. I put away the small amount of clothes I brought with me and debated whether to keep the sweater in the bag or with me. I pulled it out just in case.

After that I freshened up in the bathroom. I reapplied bits of my foundation and added a translucent setting powder over the top to cover my greaseball forehead. I pulled out my favorite lipstick and put that on instead of the tinted lip balm I had been wearing most of the day. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized that this was going to be the best I was going to look for the day.

Grabbing my laptop bag I made my way down the stairs. As I hit the downstairs landing I heard Kara talking with another person. I slowly made my way into the sitting room where I had heard the conversation coming from.  I pulled short before the doorway and knocked like the sheepish person I am. I looked and saw Kara sitting down with two people both in firefighters uniforms. Not the heavy kind but the lighter kind that they wear while on duty. 

“Look I know I’ve been here for” I checked my phone. “An hour, but I promise I haven’t set anything on fire. That I know of.” The Female firefighter snorted, and the male one had this stupid grin. One I kind of wanted to punch off of his face. Sort of.

“Oh Abigail This Anita Galassia the Chief Firefighter for the town.” The man made a disgruntled noise and Kara made soothing motions. “And this is Anita’s Second in command Nathan Fraye. They were checking in on me, one of my neighbors had a bad fall (she’s pregnant with her first child) and they wanted to assure me that if anything happened they would be here lickty split.” 

“Wait, firefighters still do that? Sorry my local firefighters live an hour outside of the city and hardly know anyone.” Anita and Nathan hadn’t stopped looking at me even while Kara had been talking and I started to feel the anxiety creep into my brain. I felt like I had been cornered by two wolves, and my flight or fight feelings started to kick in. “Oh I forgot, I’m heading down to that coffee shop. You didn’t say anything about wifi and I have a few things I need to send in to my editor.”

“Oh my gosh Abigail I am so sorry! I do have wifi. I know I have the information around here somewhere. If you still want to go to the cafe I can have the password for wifi when you get back.” I nodded, feeling my anxiety kick it up a notch and my heart rate go up. I gave a small wave and started to turn around.

“Abigail right? Did you want us to take you down there? The fire house is close by and it wouldn’t be out of our way.” I turned back around looking at Anita’s earnest smiling face.

“Ahh no thanks I drove like three and a half hours to get here and a short walk would help get the cobwebs out of my brain before I have to edit like six chapters.” Anita’s face fell a little and she nodded.

“Understandable, maybe we’ll see you there. They have some good pastries.” I was still feeling like a cornered deer. So I put on my most brilliant smile and nodded. Waved again and made my way out of the room. On my way out I heard one of them mutter to Kara “She’s cute.”

“Don’t get any fucking ideas horn dog” was all I heard as I  quickly made my way out of the house and onto the small sidewalk through the neighborhood. Walking past the houses on my way towards the town center made me realize how many families were here. Like I had seen kids playing before but I only saw three or four of them. Now I was seeing whole groups of them.

In the 15 minutes I had been walking towards the coffee shop I started feeling invigorated and almost inspired. I say almost because as I was passing the local park, I noticed a small group of kids playing. I stopped for a moment and stared. As I watched the children playing I felt a small pang in my stomach. I wanted children but with my busy schedule I couldn’t even fathom having children. I quickly shook my head and started walking again.

Or well I would have if I hadn’t have run into something. Thankfully I didn’t fall over, I just happened to bump into them. I muttered sorry and started walking away. 

“Are you okay?” I looked up and realized that the person that I bumped into was someone who could probably bench press me. Again my flight or fight response kicked in.

“Oh I’m fine, sorry for bumping into you.” I gave a small wave to the person and thankfully he took that to mean that I was fine and he thankfully left it at that.

“I’m pretty sure your new in town, if you need anything stop by the local newspaper, I’m Fred, I run it and can help you if you need anything.” Still feeling a little nervous. I nodded and started walking away. I could swear I could feel him watching me as I got farther away.

I started loosening up the farther I got away from the park. I kept my head down and I started counting the squares in the sidewalk. I started looking up when my anxiety started slowly going away. It was another ten minutes to the coffee shop and I was thankful when I noticed that it quiet. I made my way up to the counter and placed an order for just a pot of black tea and a plain scones.

“So are you just visiting or maybe just passing through?” I looked up at the orc girl behind the counter, and tried to figure out why she was asking.

“I’ve got an appointment to see a house tomorrow.” I said in a slightly dead tone. I had hoped the orc girl would take a hint and just leave it. But she was young and wanted to be nice. I think.

“Oh that’s awesome, we don’t really get a lot of new people who’d want to move into a town out in the middle of nowhere. Do you have some sort of business you’re opening up?” She started finally gathering my things as she had been talking and I tried to repress the urge to snap. I know I should watch my temper but damn I was really not in the mood to talk

“I’m a novelist. I need a more quiet area so I can focus a little better on my novel.” At that the girl looked up from filling the small pot of tea. “Hey watch out or yo-”

“Fuck!” my warning came a little too late as she poured boiling hot water over her hand. I put my laptop down on the counter.

“Are you going to need burn gel? Use room temperature water by the way.” The Girl looked at me, I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. She switched over the water temperature and pulled a red bag from under the register. 

“Sorry I just realized where I had seen you before. I’ve seen your instagram, you have like a million subscribers.” I had the decency to be embarrassed. I knew I had a few subscribers here and there but I didn’t realize that people would actually recognize me.

“Yeah that’s me I guess.” The girl had remade the teapot and started heating up the scone. I grabbed my bag and saw a table in a corner that faced the street. I pulled out my laptop and looked around the table for a place to plug in. I found one a smalle ways away but still close enough to plug in my laptop.

The girl brought me the scone and the teapot with a murmured sorry. I nodded and took the pot and the scone laying them down on the table. I poured the tea and started nibbling on the scone putting some lemon curd on. As I settled down I opened the email from my editor with the edits he’d like to see and I sat down and started to write.

Writing had always come easy to me, easier than dealing with people at least. With writing I had control over everything, what people said, how people reacted, and honestly it was way easier to deal with things that I put onto paper. My first novel happened that way.

It had started as a way to deal with the fact that I wasn't what people wanted me to be. So I wrote a story about it. Fiction of course, because who would want to read an autobiography about a no one. And it sold, stupidly well. Then I was told they wanted a second book, and a third. So I rolled with it.

Now that I was working on the second book in the series I realized I really enjoyed writing. So here I was 200 miles away from my apartment and my editor trying to finish the last bit of editing before the book went to publication. Listening to the barista girl talk animated with someone. 

I heard the clink of someone setting a ceramic cup down on a wooden table. Looking up with a scowl on my face I recognized the two firefighters from Kara’s place. My scowl deepened making me look like I was going to punch someone. Trying my best to ignore them, I went back to work.

”Wow and I thought I was scary when I'm mad.” I ignored the voice of Nathan as put in some rework to some dialogue. ”hello did you hear me?”

”yes i heard you, yes I am ignoring you. I have a few things to finish before my book goes to printing next month.`` I looked up to stare at Nathan who had this bewildered smile on his face. Anita sat down next to Nathan and punched his arm.

“I told you not to bother her, yet here we are. With her about to rip your throat out.” Anita gave a small snort.

“I wouldn’t rip his throat out, that’s too messy. I’d poison him, less blood that way.” I said not even missing a keystroke. I heard someone choke a little, and the sounds of someone thumping on someone’s back. The more I got into writing the less I noticed. I was almost finished with the final couple of revisions when I saw a hand in front of my computer screen. Blinking a bit I looked up.

“Sorry to bother you but you haven’t looked up in two hours and we were starting to worry.” I looked at the clock on my screen and realized I had been at the coffee shop for three hours. It was closing in on Six O’clock and I needed to get back to Kara’s. I looked back up to Nathan.

“Aw crap, I’ve got to get going, thanks for checking in.” I saved what I was doing and closed my laptop. I unplugged the charger from the wall and started shoving it and my laptop in my bag. I shut my bag and stood forgetting I had been sitting for a long period of time. Of course I would get dizzy after having nothing but scones and tea since last night.

As I steadied myself I felt a hand on my shoulder and stiffened. Looking back I saw Anita and Nathan both looking concerned? I didn’t know anything about these people and still they had concern for me. I had no idea why people like them would be concerned but here they were showing concern anyway.

“I’m fine, just haven’t had decent food since yesterday. I’m heading back to Kara’s where she promised a good home cooked meal. I think.” I raised my hands in defeat and walked over the counter. The Barista was looking between myself and the two behind me. “Can I just get a cup of water, need to stay hydrated you know.”

She handed me the cup and I waved to Anita and Nathan and left. As I popped outside I realized how cold it had gotten in the three hours I was there. I shivered a bit realizing that not everywhere was in the 80’s during September. I started walking back the way I came as the street lamps came on. I looked up and noticed that the street lamps were some old time looking ones with the fake flicker light bulbs.

I walked quietly by the stores with bright interiors. As the stores gave way to houses I started feeling like something was watching me and I started getting nervous.  I started walking faster and as I was walking past the park I looked over. Two sets of glowing eyes stared back at me and I nearly screamed.

Needless to say, I walked faster back to Kara’s house and as I saw the lights on I quickly made my way inside. Not running mind you, but close. As I opened the door and slammed it shut my heart was racing. Kara came through the door to the kitchen and looked at me up and down.

“Abigail you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I nodded, not paying attention to what she was saying as she led me into the kitchen. The smell of what seemed to be chicken and something else came to my nose. She took my bag and put it on a hook next to the door over some aprons. “Okay, tell me what happened”

“I- I  don’t know, I was walking back from the coffee shop and I started feeling like I was being watched. Which by the way is terrifying because the last time that happened I was nearly killed. Well I started walking faster, not running because then that lets them know you know they’re watching and when I passed the park I look up and somewhere past the park there where these eyes. Two sets of them, and well I started panicking and now my anxiety is throu-” She didn’t let me finish my sentence as she engulfed me in a hug. I tensed up waiting for the whole “You shouldn’t be so cautise” talk I’ve heard from many different people. Instead she just rubbed my back in soothing circular motions.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. I’ll talk to a few people to see what we can do. Now we need some food if you can stomach it. I know sometimes anxiety can be a real monster.” As she said this my anxiety dropped a little enough where I wasn’t hyperventilating. I was still having issues seeing, and I knew from experience that tunnel vision took a while to go away. I started to tremble so much so that my knees finally gave out. Kara grabbed me before I could hit the floor thankfully. She manhandled me into a chair at the table and gave me a glass of water.

 “Maybe I should call the fire department for you.” Hearing that all I could think about was the look of pity from Anita and Nathan I would get and my stomach dropped. I grabbed her wrist and shook my head no.

“P-p-please don’t I have medicine in m-my b-bag.” I pointed to my laptop bag, and she hurried over and searched the front bag finding the small bottle of anti anxiety medicine. She brought over the bottle and handed it to me. I opened the bottle and took out a pill and put it in my mouth and drank the glass of water. I put the glass of water on the table and put my head between my legs.

“Do these attacks happen often?” I turned my head to look at her and nodded slowly.

“They were manageable most of the time, but there was this incident about five months ago? I don’t know. Anyway they become worse almost to the point where I couldn’t leave my apartment.”  Kara nodded her head and started making a plate of food. I watched her bring a chicken thigh onto a plate before I spoke up. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat that, I’m sorry.”

“Do not apologize. Besides I can make you something easier on the stomach. How about some soup and maybe a grilled cheese?” I looked at her perplexed, this woman had known me four maybe five hours and she had treated me better than my own mother. The tears came faster than I realized and when Kara looked back at me from the freezer where she was pulling out what looked like homemade soup, she gasped. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, do you not like chicken noodle, I think I have some leftover Minestrone from last week still,” I started crying harder, trying to make sure the sound wasn’t loud so the neighbors didn’t hear. “Oh dear, what’s wrong, you can talk to me.”

“N-n-n-not e-even m-m-m-my own m-m-mother cared, she just cared that I wasn’t making money for her anymore.” At this Kara stopped put the soup down on the counter and walked over to me.

“Abigail I’m going to tell you one thing about this town. If you do end up taking buying a house here know one thing. We look after our people no matter what. You’ll never have to worry about walking home alone. If you’re ever sick we’ll look after you. If for whatever reason you’re gone for long periods of time we’ll look after your yard and feed your cat if you have one. We care for our people, you won’t be alone unless you want it.” As she said this I started crying even harder this time not caring who heard. Kara just kneeled down and rubbed circles in my back. After a couple of minutes my tears started winding down and the fuzzy feeling of just having a long cry started creeping in.”

“Now Abigail let’s get you some soup, a nice grilled cheese and some more water okay?”  I nodded and watched her refill the glass I had from earlier. She gently placed the water in front of me and I hesitantly picked it up.

“I’m sorry for the breakdown there, It had been a while since I had one and I never expected to have one here.” I sniffled and looked around for some paper towels or maybe a paper napkin. Kara was looking at me as she warmed up a thing of soup in a sauce pot. I looked down at my knees very interested in my knees. 

“Amelia you don’t have to apologize, most people don’t hold half the things inside them that you probably do and they still break down.” She flipped a sandwich over in a pan on the stove top & stirred the soup. “Honestly one of the hardest things in life is being strong enough to understand that you don’t always have to be strong.” 

I sighed, maybe I knew I was due to break down but I had been hoping that maybe I would be able to get through the final draft of my novel and purchase a new house before I had one. Wishful thinking I know, but I had hoped. Rubbing the back of my neck I knew I should say something but all I was able to do was nod and hang my head. I heard the clack of bowls and plates. The rustle of silverware followed. 

I bowl of steaming soup was placed in front of me. MInestrone I realized, and a plate with a grilled cheese cut in half was placed next to the bowl. Kara refilled my glass with more water and set it down in front of me.

I looked up and saw her sitting down in front of me with the same thing. I looked at the counter with the beautifully prepared chicken, and rolls. 

“I’m sorry, I ruined your dinner.” I looked down feeling like a child who had ruined Christmas for their family. I heard a small sigh.

“Has no one ever told that not everything your body or mind does is something you can control.” I looked up at her then back down quickly. I didn’t have the heart to tell her about all the times as a child I wet the bed only to have my mother slap me for waking her and make me sleep in urine soaked sheets as “punishment”. Kara honestly looked like the type of person to hunt down my mother and punish her.

“If it didn’t come up in my mothers “Parenting for Narcissists” book then she probably forgot.” Kara let out a bitter laugh and I picked up some of the sandwich. I carefully dipped it in the soup and pulled out. The soup tasted perfect, as I expected. The sandwich had a decent cheese to bread ratio. Not that I was expecting anything less.

“I haven’t  known you for long, maybe a day or so at this point, but there’s something I don’t get. You seem to be hurting a lot and from what I can tell, what ever drove you to come here terrified you so much that you decided to leave everything you know behind. Why?” I looked down thinking about what had happened, and how people I thought to be my friends acted afterwards. 

“I guess I’m prying huh? You don’t have to say anything I know you’ve only been here for less than 10 hours. So finish your soup and go to bed, maybe take a bath. Since you’re the only one  here the communal bath has a nice big tub.” I nodded and I finished my sandwich and soup I got and went to go put my dishes in the sink. “Don’t you even dare, just go take a bath and relax.”

“Kara? Thank you.” Kara waved her hand at me and moved to gather the dishes. I left to her too it.

[nadziejastar]

What would your ideal redemption for Isa be? Especially post KH3 when he’s with Lea, Xion and Roxas, trying to live a normal life? You made very good points on how Kh writers destroyed Isa’s character, but It’d be interesting to see your ideals of what should’ve happened for him and beyond. ☺️

Well, to have a truly satisfying redemption, you need to create emotional buildup. It was clear that the revelation of Terra and Isa being vessels was supposed to be a LOT bigger deal than it was. Nobody had any reaction to this in KH3. Isa didn’t even have a true redemption.

And even the scene where Terra was rescued didn’t have as much emotional impact as it should have, because there was not much leading up to it. I definitely think that Lea and Aqua were supposed to be the most emotionally affected by learning their friends were vessels. Personally, I think it’s because both of them were in love. Aqua with Terra, and Lea with Isa.

How I Think Isa Should Have Been Redeemed

Ven: “Y'ever wonder what what stars are? Where light comes from?”

Aqua: “Hmm… Well, they say–”

Terra: “That every star up there is another world. Yep, hard to believe there are so many worlds out there besides our own. The light is their hearts, and it’s shining down on us like a million lanterns.”

Aqua never knew what happened to Terra after she saved him. She thought he was safe until she saw him in the Realm of Darkness. When she met Mickey in 0.2, she asks about him and he tells her they haven’t found him in ten years. In KH3, she was clearly not herself. You could tell by the way she talked that she was keeping a lot of emotions bottled up. Her voice was unusually soft-spoken.

Aqua: “I took it for granted. I thought I had nothing in life to lose… There’s no deeper sadness than discovering all that you knew is gone.”  

Aqua was the one who made the star-shaped wayfinders. She was always worrying over Terra and chasing after him. Aqua sacrificed herself for him. When she heard from Ansem that the worlds had been falling to darkness, she thought Terra might have been the one saving them. But his possessed self was actually the cause of it all. Finding out that Terra was being used as Xehanort’s vessel the whole time would have been an enormous blow to her. She probably blamed herself for doubting Terra and pushing him away while he was being manipulated by Xehanort.

Aqua: “Together…always.”

“That would be the last night we ever spent beneath the same stars.”

When Ven said how beautiful the stars were, she seemed so sad. Because Terra’s not there. She simply can’t be okay. Not until she knows he is, too. She wanted them to be together, always. She felt SO strongly about this, but didn’t show that side of herself very often. And she was still trying to hide the full extent of her feelings. She said everything would be back to normal soon. She tries to be the brave one for Ven. But he could tell. He took out his charm and said they would trade stories when Terra came back, in an attempt to cheer her up.

Axel: “Hey, Roxas. Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.”

Roxas: “Like I asked! Know-it-all.”

Axel never had a clue what happened to Isa either. He just knew that he missed his old personality. In his case it would be kind of the opposite. Aqua sacrificed herself for Terra, and found out he was a vessel because of that. But Lea would have found out that Isa only became a vessel because he sacrificed himself for him.

All this time he was resentful of Saïx and thought he had changed. Yet the real Isa was like Aqua. He had performed the ultimate act of love. He never changed. Learning this would have been a devastating blow to Lea. He would feel like he abandoned Isa by leaving Organization XIII.

The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering. If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed.

A phantom sun.

Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

Like Aqua, he would simply NOT be okay until Isa was. He acts cheerful around Kairi, but something was clearly bothering him as he looked into the sunset. I think the novel was hinting that Isa was the original “know-it-all” who told him why the sun sets red. I mean, who else would it be? Isa is the only established character from Lea’s past.

Axel: “But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore. As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

So, looking at the sunset reminds him of Isa. That’s why he gave his speech about never being apart. Unlike Saïx, the old Isa said he’d never forget Lea. Axel was always trying to hold onto the Isa from his memories.

Lea: “Uhh…I dunno. Maybe later.”

Kairi: “But you always wear the same thing.”

Lea: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This is how you pick me out of a crowd. I make myself easy to remember.”

In their next scene together, Lea dodges Kairi’s suggestion to change out of his Organization clothes. He brushes it off and says he just wants to make himself “easy to remember”. I also think that was an indirect comment about Isa. Especially if Lea found out that when Ansem found Subject X, he had no memories, except for a friend whose name he couldn’t remember. Would Isa still remember him when he woke up? When they were re-completed, they were both wearing the black cloaks. It would have been the last thing Isa saw him wearing.

The cloak is representative of his past. It helps him feel connected to Isa. He’s still stuck in the past and can’t move on. Because he hasn’t accomplished his goal. He hasn’t saved Isa. He said they would never have to be apart as long as he had memories, but he doesn’t want to settle for that anymore. Like Aqua, he internalizes his feelings and tries to act like he’s fine. He likes to put on a brave face, but he is worried and Kairi can tell. She tries to cheer him up.

Aqua: “Somewhere out there, there’s this tree with star-shaped fruit… and the fruit represents an unbreakable connection. So as long as you and your friends carry good luck charms shaped like it, nothing can ever drive you apart. You’ll always find your way back to each other.”

These scenes before the final battle were so important. Terra was the one who told Ven about the light of the stars. The last night they all were happy together, it was under the light of the same stars.

Terra: “You never stopped lighting my way back.”

Aqua was all alone for such a long time. But now Ven is here. And so are all the other Guardians of Light. Things are going to be okay. They look at the stars one last time before the final battle. No matter where Terra is, the light of these same stars is shining on him, too. The light of their hearts is always connected. The stars represent their unbreakable connection. This would be the last night that they would be separated. Aqua was able to light Terra’s way back.

Axel: “Well, I think you can be inseparable even if you’re apart.”

Roxas: “Really?”

Axel: “Sure, if you feel really close to each other. If you’re best friends.”

Axel also gave a lesson on light. Not the light of the stars, but the light of the sun. Lea looks into the sunset with Kairi one last time before the final battle. It blankets the whole landscape in red.  

Axel: “Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!”

The sunset is made of red light, the color that travels the farthest. It can penetrate even the deepest darkness. No matter how far away Isa is, red light can reach him. Things will work out. Lea’s not alone anymore. The sun is setting on this painful chapter of his life. It’s almost time for the dawning of a new day. Saving Terra and Isa should have felt like a MUCH bigger deal.

He let out a deflated breath. The sun was warm and bright, just as it had been when he first arrived. 

The shimmering sunlight brought to mind his conversation with Terra and Aqua the night before the Mark of Mastery exam. The stars were worlds, and their light came from the hearts in that world—or that’s how he remembered it. What were Terra and Aqua up to now—?

The writers had the idea in mind of light being able to reach somebody, no matter how far away they are. Ventus even thought that the sun’s light reminded him of the stars, and it made him think of Terra and Aqua. The Wayfinder Trio were the light of the stars—the hearts of all the worlds shining down on them. Their charms represent their unbreakable connection.

Lea and Isa were the light of the sun and moon. A star and crescent is a sun and moon symbol. Joined as one, the sun and moon represent the cycle of life, death and rebirth, light and darkness, the harmonious union of opposites, and romantic love. Isa’s pin represents their unbreakable connection. They didn’t need Skuld to be part of a trio to “complete” them. They are already complete.

Cool, collected, and mature beyond his age. A serene and self-possessed boy who always has time for a quick quip at his best friend Lea’s expense.

Personality-wise, I see Isa as a mix between Riku and Aqua.

A fifteen-year-old boy mature beyond his years. Riku is cool and collected, but not afraid to speak his mind. He has in insatiable curiosity, and he feels there’s much more to experience beyond the small world he knows.

He’s mature and cool like Riku. It was Riku who was the most responsible for making the raft. And Isa is the one who is in a hurry to get to the castle.

A girl capable of wielding both magic and a Keyblade with perfect balance. She values her friendships with Terra and Ventus above all else, and has the most serious and levelheaded personality of the three.

He’s serious and levelheaded like Aqua. And I think he values his friendship with Lea more than anything.

A self-confident youth always competing with Sora. When the Destiny Islands vanished, so did he. By the time Riku reappeared, Sora had already found new friends, so Riku didn’t rejoin him.

Like Riku, he cares more than he lets on and this can make him vulnerable. Riku always competed with Sora, because he was so dependent on their friendship.

Serious to a fault, she continues traveling the worlds to complete her mission, though her excessive concern for Terra’s well-being creates a misunderstanding and some ill will.

Aqua is similar. She didn’t express the true depth of her concern for Terra because it made her feel too vulnerable. Terra didn’t truly understand how much she cared about him, so he pushed her away.

A quiet and cool-headed youth. Though he does come out of his shell when talking to his best friend Lea, toward others he is distant and untalkative. He also often scolds Lea, who has an opposite (though complementary) personality.

I think it was the same with Isa. He has a difficult time expressing himself. He cares a lot but keeps it a secret, because the true extent of his feelings make him feel too vulnerable. Lea is the only person he can open up to. Isa is dependent on him, and he teases and scolds Lea to cover it up. Deep down, I think Isa is as sentimental towards Lea as Aqua is towards Terra.

Sora: “Riku… C'mon, man! Why did you try to do so much on your own?”

Sora: “You got friends…like us!”

Riku: “Have you forgotten? I’ll tell you why. ‘Cause I’m not a total sap like you.”

Riku acts very similar to Isa. He hides his his very strong feelings behind a wall of sarcasm. When Sora said Riku had friends, he made a sarcastic comment. When Lea said he wanted everyone to remember him, Isa made a similar sarcastic comment.

Riku: “What I said back there…about thinking I was better at stuff than you…To tell you the truth, Sora… I was jealous of you.”

Sora: “What for?”

Riku: “I wished I could live life the way you do. Just following my heart.”

Riku was secretly jealous of Sora’s ability to open his heart up so easily. But Sora had no idea he felt that way.

Riku: “Well, there is one advantage to being me… Something you could never imitate.”

Sora: “Really? What’s that?”

Riku: “Having you for a friend.”

Sora: “Then I guess…I’m okay the way I am. I’ve got something you could never imitate too.”

Likewise, I don’t think Lea knew the true depth of Isa’s affection for him. And because Isa didn’t express his true feelings openly, Axel thought Isa stopped caring about him after becoming a Nobody.

Terra: “Oy, sometimes you are such a girl.”

Aqua: “Hey, what do you mean, ‘sometimes’?”

Aqua isn’t sarcastic like Riku and Isa. But she did keep the true depth of her feelings to herself as well. Terra thought making good luck charms was an uncharacteristically girly thing for her to do and he teases her a bit. He didn’t realize how much their friendship meant to her. He thought she was spying on him, but all she wanted was for him to be safe.

Zack: “I promised Terra I’d face him. Fair and square.”

Aqua: “The friendship between boys… It almost makes me jealous.”

I always thought this was an interesting quote. Aqua is also jealous. Perhaps being a girl makes her feel like an outsider in certain ways. But I do think the comment could be taken another way. I think she’s envious of the simple friendship boys can have with each other when they don’t have romantic feelings to complicate matters.

Aqua: “One Keyblade is enough…for any friendship. I learned it the hard way. I wouldn’t wish our lives on those children. Terra, please tell me–what’s to become of us?”

She can never truly be one of the guys. Aqua is always the strong one for Ven. On the other hand, Terra brings out a sense of vulnerability in her that nobody else does.

Saïx: “You’re the one who went off and made other friends. I lost…all sense of purpose.”

I think there WAS truth in Saïx’s comment about jealousy. But there was definitely way more going on with him than just that and he never put on an “act”. I definitely don’t think his coldness was that simple. Plus, Saïx is NOT a very good actor. Isa didn’t smile much. He didn’t open up to others. After Axel left and made new friends, his heart lost its purpose. I think Isa’s heart was jealous of Axel’s friendships with Roxas and Xion. But Saïx was unaware of this. I think if Saïx himself was jealous of anything, it was the fact that others could grow hearts, unlike him.

Aqua: “Terra and Ven didn’t have anything to say. But my shadow… She wanted to destroy me. Never would have thought I’d become my own worst enemy. I’ve talked to myself a lot since falling into these shadows. But with the phantom, it’s as though all of my doubts have gained a voice of their own. She’s the weakness in my heart. I know I’m alone here. Have the uncountable hours in the shadows whittled away the courage I never really had? I’m losing this fight. The darkness has found the cracks in my heart. Is this…the last apparition before it takes me over?”

I think in order to have a good redemption, Lea would have to wake Isa from his sleep. So, he’d have to face the shadow version of Isa, just like Sora, Mickey, and Riku had to face Aqua’s shadow before she woke up. I think Isa’s similarity to Riku is what made him such an appealing target for a vessel. After all, Riku was their first choice, not Sora.

Riku: “That was my…my dark side. I gave in to the darkness once. And ever since, it’s chased me around in one form or another. The Seeker of Darkness who stole my body…a puppet replica of the shadows in my heart…and now, I’m facing me.”

Riku has a lot of emotional depth. But the greater emotional capacity, the greater the capacity for darkness and despair. The higher the highs, the lower the lows. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. He’s more easily driven to darkness because he keeps his feelings bottled up inside. I think that’s why Anti-Saïx and Anti-Riku were bosses. It was foreshadowing them dealing with their issues.

“The islands where you grew up were sundered, scattered—so many hearts lost to the darkness. And it was all your doing!”

It’s true, Riku thought in despair. If I hadn’t given in to that temptation… If I hadn’t believed what that man said…

“You hated spending your days trapped on these little islands, and so without a thought, you opened the Door of Darkness and destroyed them. It was you! You let darkness pull you in, and now, you belong to it.”

If he was a creature of darkness—if he couldn’t fight the darkness with his own strength—then there was no other way but for Sora to destroy him, Riku thought hazily. And if someone had to destroy him…he would much rather that Sora do it than anyone else.

Coming face to face with his darkness made Riku feel like he deserved to be destroyed.

Phantom Aqua: “Only your heart is hollow enough to be a demon’s. Is there any point in continuing this fight? No one can save you. And no one wants to. Your bonds of friendship only tie you down. You’ll never see the realm of light again. Just let go of everything and fade into the darkness.”

Aqua is strong, but anyone would reach their limit in her situation. She gave up everything for Terra. And a part of her does feel like her bonds only tie her down. Look where she ended up because of her act of love. And knowing Aqua, she probably feels like she deserves to fade into darkness for feeling that way. She compares her heart to a demon’s. Aqua’s shadow self wanted to destroy her. Perhaps a part of Aqua also wanted to destroy herself.

In that instant of hesitation, Roxas charged. Saïx blocked the sweep of the Keyblade. It brought back those long-ago days when there had been some pleasure in fighting. The Claymore slammed into Roxas…

And he recalled things from long, long ago.

The novel said that Saïx took pleasure in fighting, and started to recall things from long, long ago. I don’t know for sure, but I think it was referring to the experiments. I think Isa was forced to fight. Xehanort needs his vessels to be capable in combat, of course. And teenage Isa was no expert swordsman. I think that’s the true origin of his berserk state.

It is my duty to expose what this darkness really is. I shall conduct the following experiments:

Extract the darkness from a person’s heart.

Cultivate darkness in a pure heart.

Both suppress and amplify the darkness within.

The experiments caused the test subject’s heart to collapse, including those of the most stalwart. How fragile our hearts are! My treatment produced no signs of recovery.

The experiments were to draw out the darkness of the heart. And look at what was done to Subject X. Isolation, sensory deprivation, being called “X”, and Isa’s face was mutilated. After such abuse, he must have felt incredible pain, rage and hatred. He probably let all these feelings out when he was forced to fight. Eventually a part of him probably even started to enjoy fighting. And he probably felt ashamed of those darker emotions, and felt like fading away at times, too.

There was no way to know how far this shadowy nothingness went on. Riku felt like they would keep going forever and never find a way out. But Sora just kept moving, focusing on the next step in front of him.

I don’t have that kind of strength, thought Riku. If it was just me, I might have let myself waste away in here… But I want to get Sora home to our island.

Riku was okay with fading to darkness since the King, Kairi and the others were safe. But he wanted to get Sora back home. Sora still needed him. This gave Riku strength he wouldn’t have otherwise had. Riku developed such a resistance to darkness, he was no longer considered a viable vessel. But he didn’t view himself as strong.

Aqua: “I know I promised to wake you up. I’m sorry. But I have to find a way home before I can help you. I just want you to know that it’s been you that keeps my heart strong. Keeps the dark away.”

In a hopeless situation, Aqua’s hope would be be thinking of her friends, just like with Riku. Feeling like she needed to be there for Ven gave Aqua the strength to resist the darkness.

Memoirs, Excerpt 2

We slipped into the castle that day knowing only that we wanted, with all our hearts, to save her.

Lea and Isa were willing to put themselves in harm’s way, because they wanted to save a total stranger with all their hearts. I think they would be willing to do anything for each other.

I awoke in a cell, alone until the researchers came with their tests and their prodding to uncover my identity. I had no answer to offer them. Four friends, and a key…that is the sum total of my memory. I could not even recall my name. I was simply called “X” there.

I think Isa had amnesia after Ansem the Wise discovered the experiments on darkness. But he still remembered he had a friend.

Subject exhibits signs of profound amnesia, and displays concern for which world this is. Her words suggest that she departed her home world with others, though she cannot recall the names of her erstwhile companions. All efforts to explore those memories have met with a rejection response.

That friend was his main concern, despite not even remembering his name.

My pilot studies used a handful of subjects, but none possessed the fortitude to endure them. Ultimately, all suffered mental collapse. I knew it would be a heavy blow to lose a subject as unique as she.

Xehanort might have thought Subject X was just a very strong and exceptional specimen, but I think Lea was the only thing that kept him going. Isa couldn’t give up until he knew Lea was okay. I doubt he considered himself strong, though.

Xaldin: “That which we treasure has power over us, Roxas. His heart is captive to it. And that makes it his weakness.”

Axel didn’t want to to disappear. But there was one thing that made him feel like it wouldn’t be so bad. And that was fighting Saïx. I think it’s possible that during the experiments, the apprentices were going to make Isa fight Lea, as a way to cultivate and amplify the darkness within him. Lea was his weakness that made his heart a “captive”. And Isa refused.

Braig: “You’re only here so that when I finish you off…Terra will succumb to the darkness. So…who wants to go first?”

Aqua: “Go ahead if you want to waste your time. Keep trying to drive us apart with your mind games. It’ll never work!”

They may have threatened him with all manner of punishment, but there was nothing they could do to him to make him fight his friend.

Xehanort: “Still so blind… Then I will make you see. Come to the place where all Keyblade wielders leave their mark on fate–the Keyblade Graveyard! There you will watch your dear Ventus and Aqua meet their ends, and the last light within you will die!”

I think that might have been how he sacrificed himself. He was willing to accept whatever they were going to do to him, to protect his friend. But if Xehanort or Braig threatened to harm Lea, especially right in front of him, I think that would have been the one thing to finally break Isa’s spirit, causing him to mentally dissociate.

Terra: “Aqua, Ven… One day I will set this right.”

Terra’s heart survived because he was thinking of Aqua and Ven ahead of himself. Isa’s heart would survive, due to the strength of his love.

Saïx: “Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.”

Part of Isa’s heart probably felt the same way Aqua did. Look where his bond of love got him. He’s become a vessel. Nobody knows where he is, or even that he needs help. Nobody is going to save him, and no one wants to. He’s forgotten, and now Lea went off and made other friends. His heart no longer had any purpose. Like Phantom Aqua, it resorts to self-destruction. His shadow would need to be subdued for him to wake up.

Aqua: “A pure heart filled with light… It’s strange, The Master taught me darkness needs to be destroyed. But how, if not with light?”

Fairy Godmother: “Oh, my dear, you’re too young to know. Experience more things, and you’ll find the answer. Just trust in your dreams.”

I thought it was interesting that the Fairy Godmother told Aqua not to fight darkness with light. It was strongly suggested that Eraqus was misguided in his beliefs, but this idea is never followed up on.

Shadow Aqua: “All that’s left in my heart is misery and despair…and now you can share it!”

Riku: “There’s no need. Got my own.”

I think this concept was going to be the most important while using the power of waking. You aren’t able to arouse someone from their slumber by destroying their darkness with the power of light. You have to be able to reach them where they are—in the deepest, darkest abyss. You have to truly understand and empathize with their darkness to ease their pain. Then you can gently guide them back into the light.

Master Xehanort: “And Aqua and Ventus, their lights shine too bright. It is only natural that they cast shadows on your heart.”

Aqua didn’t express her love for Terra by shining her light on him. Aqua and Ven’s bright light is what pushed Terra away. She expressed her love by choosing to partake in his darkness with him, then lighting his way back. And Lea certainly has plenty of misery and despair of his own, too.

Riku: “It’s just… I’ve always wondered why we’re here on this island. If there are any other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one? And suppose there are other worlds… Then ours is just a little piece of something much greater. So we could’ve just as easily ended up somewhere else, right?”

But even after being rescued, I don’t think Isa was done developing. I think he was originally going to be an important character in the future games. I mean, he is the best friend of a main character. There’s a lot they could potentially explore. I think Isa had an innocent side that just wanted to experience fun and adventure. But he tried to hide it and act mature, like Riku did.

Memoirs, Excerpt 1

The castle was a wonderland to us children. Within its walls, Ansem the Wise conducted his research, and the fruits it bore allowed everyone outside to live in peace and happiness.

I think that’s originally why they both wanted to sneak into the castle. It was similar to Riku’s desire to build the raft. I think Braig probably planted some seeds in the children of Radiant Garden. Lea and Isa seemed to know there was more than just research going on in that castle. There was something extraordinary. The Door to Darkness. Maybe the smile Lea had on his face when he looked at the D.T.D. had a sense of irony to it, since it was the very reason he started his journey with Isa in the first place?

Santa: “Before you do, Sora… I believe there’s a friend of yours…who—if I recall correctly—was the one who told you there’s no such thing as Santa Claus?”

Sora: “Oh yeah… He did say that.”

Santa: “Be sure to give him my very best wishes.”

In his mind, Riku thought he always needed to act mature. But in his heart, his desire was to live more like Sora. I found one of the more interesting Riku moments to be when he told Sora there was no such thing as Santa. I always imagined it happened right after Riku found out Santa wasn’t real. And in his sadness, he tried to act too cool to have ever believed in him anyways. He was hiding his true feelings of disillusionment. But Santa knew the truth. He told Sora to give him his best wishes because he wanted Riku to believe once again.

Fairy Godmother: “Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. I appear to those who believe that dreams come true.”

Aqua: “Then I am honored. But why would you advise me not to fight darkness with light?”

Fairy Godmother: “Strong rays of sun create dark shadows.”

Just like The Fairy Godmother did for Terra and Cinderella. Isa needs to learn how to believe again, too. And he’s surrounded by people who can do just that.

Lea: “I’ll see ya when I see ya. After all, we’re friends now. Get it memorized.”

Ven: “Okay, Lea.”

Isa: “What is it with you and picking up stray puppies?”

Isa was too shy to directly interact with Ven himself, but Lea was there and they all laughed together. He acts cool, like Riku, but he was probably jealous of Lea’s ability to be so open and make friends so easily. But in the ending of KH3, he does smile and play with Ventus. The ice has been broken. He was able to come out of his shell around someone besides Lea. His future arc would be learning how to be more open and forthcoming with his feelings, and become friends with everyone else, too.

Data Riku: “Maybe…I’ve been a little jealous. You’re always surrounded by friends who trust you and are there to support you–”

Data Sora: “Okay, stop right there. First of all, I trust you. Second of all, my friends are your friends, too. Just ask ‘em!”

Despite his sarcasm, Riku was jealous of how Sora was constantly surrounded by friends. He didn’t think Sora’s friends were HIS friends. It’s why Maleficent was able to affect him so badly, particularly while he was under the influence of Xehanort’s Heartless. And Isa is still shy. When Hayner, Pence, and Olette show up, he doesn’t smile and wave to them. He doesn’t think they’re HIS friends. He doesn’t see himself as truly one of the group…yet.

Xemnas: “My my, a hollow puppet that’s managed to grow a heart. Just imagine that.”

Sora: “Pinocchio isn’t anything like you Nobodies. But if Pinocchio could be given one–shouldn’t you be able to have a heart inside you, too?”

Saïx was always calling Xion “broken”. That seemed to be the root of his hatred for her. Maybe Saïx hated Xion for the same reason he hated Axel after he defected? Seeing Xion provokes pain in him for some reason. He can’t even “see” her, but she still has a heart.

“Saïx called her ‘defective.’”

Axel sighed, too. He had his doubts that Saïx realized just how special Roxas and Xion were. How they seemed to process things with an emotional quality that none of the other Nobodies had. Speak in those cold, dispassionate terms to one of them, and it would provoke the opposite reaction—just as if they had hearts.

Saïx didn’t understand that. Despite the lack of a heart, he could imagine what it was like to have emotional responses based on what he remembered from his human life. And he must be able to remember how much trouble it was.

Even a puppet can grow a heart, but he can’t. Axel didn’t understand Saïx. He knew exactly how special Xion was. That’s why he hated her. Axel also grew a heart by spending time with his new friends. But Saïx couldn’t. He didn’t understand his own pain. Axel made him feel like he had some kind of “purpose” that he’d forgotten. And Xion caused him to feel broken and defective. And so he chose to lash out at her like he did with Axel.

Quasimodo: “The people out there would be cruel to me. I’m a monster, you know.”

Riku: “Is that what Frollo told you? Trust me, looks can be deceiving. A good friend sees you for who you are, no matter what face you wear.”

Riku avoided Sora, even though he knew Sora desperately wanted to see him. He knew he only looked that way because he wanted to help Sora, and he knew Sora would accept him no matter what he looked like. But he still couldn’t bear the shame of looking like “Ansem”. I definitely think Isa would deal with a lot of shame over what Saïx did, especially to Roxas and Xion. It wasn’t really him, but it was still his body and appearance. I think Riku and Isa could become very good friends, since they have a lot in common. Isa would need encouragement that the others don’t see him as Saïx.

Can you tell us a little about Pinocchio’s world that was originally intended to be in the game but was taken out? What was it going to be like?

Nomura: Set in a circus and playing off the story of Pinocchio, a puppet with a heart, and the Nobodies who possess no heart, we planned for a sad episode with Roxas and Xion looking for hope for themselves.

I always wished they kept the Pinocchio world in Days, since replicas are so often compared to puppets. The Blue Fairy from Pinocchio is similar to Fairy Godmother and Santa Claus. She has the power to bring puppets to life. They all encourage someone to believe. Roxas and Xion could empathize with Isa’s feelings. They were always told they had no heart. They felt sad and hopeless, too. They would not blame him for what Saïx did and they would become very good friends.

Also, writing about the Pinocchio world brings back memories. Fun Fact: This question was from a fan Q&A on the Square-Enix Members site shortly after the game came out. And that was actually my question! Several people asked about the Pinocchio world, but they used my specific phrasing. ^_^

Scrooge: “Ye’ll have buckets o’ fun there, or my name is not Scrooge McDuck. There y'are–enough for you and two grown-ups.”

Ven: “He said to– He said to take two grown-ups.”

Aqua: “You mean us?”

Ultimately, I see Isa as a mix of Riku and Aqua. When he truly moves on from his past, I see him becoming fully a part of the group. He would be a friend and equal to all of the older members. And, if Lea is the “dad” to the younger members, then Isa would be the “mom”. Kind of like how Terra and Aqua are to Ven, which embarrassed them…but also seemed to make them secretly happy.

Riku: “I try too hard to be the role model. It’s more fun to just listen to my heart. Which is Sora-esque.”

Isa would be a responsible and empathetic caretaker who offers good advice, like Aqua. And he’d keep everyone on their toes, like Riku. But he’d be able to let loose and have fun more. I also think eventually, Isa would become a Keyblade wielder and he would be directly involved in the action. If all it takes is a strong heart, I think Subject X passes the test with flying colors.

[vancilocs]

31-47 for ninida, lazlo(was it lazlo, call me out of i wrote it wrong) aand max?

add an s and make it laszlo and you’re golden! (it’s actually laszlowaria but ain’t nobody got time for that)

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

Ninida drinks somewhat, not much, rarely to the point of being hammered but tipsy maybe once a week or so. He’s a lot more jovial and affectionate when drunk, likes hugs, will pet your hair if you have it, laughs and is just a general good sport. Complete opposite when hungover, just leave him into his blanket burrito to recover. Will growl if someone comes too close. Kinda exasperated if people are drunk or hungover around him, complains about it, but if it’s a friend he’ll help in whatever way needed.

Laszlo can drink you under the table, he’s a regular in a local bar when not on duty and has a pocket flask for when he is. Never hammered during working hours but a little tipsy maybe, only blackout drunk if knows he has no duties. Even more out of it when drunk, somehow falls off the floor. His stories have no end, rambles in circles until he passes out, stories may or may not be true at all. Quietly looks after drunk and hungover people by making sure they aren’t in immediate danger, otherwise stays out of it.

Max can drink more than you’d think, she’s short but also has a pretty good resistance… might have drank a tad too much at parties when she was younger. Very rarely gets drunk anymore. Louder and more emotional in every way when drunk, laughs one second, cries the next, gets angry immediately. A mother hen when others get drunk, as a bartender she’s pretty good at spotting when people have had too much.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Ninida doesn’t care about makeup or fashion, just skincare sometimes and the functionality of the clothes (as long as he can show his arms). Lots of pockets, a bulletproof vest under the hoodie. Gloves are cosmetic. Sleeps with sweatpants or underwear on.

Laszlo is colourblind and mostly wears black, puts comfort and functionality over looks, but with a thotty twist. His hair he keeps just long enough to tie up, otherwise his nose and medusa piercings are the most he’s done for his looks. He mainly wears the catsuit given by his boss, otherwise it’s capri pants and t-shirts that don’t get stuck on his shin and forearm spikes. Sleeps with a t-shirt and underwear.

Max takes clothing very seriously, orders mainly online from specific goth brands that carry her size, has outfits planned. Makeup is a second job to her and barely ever steps out the house without it, also makes sure her hair is in ship-shape. Very looks-oriented.

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Just… boxers, comfy

Boxers mainly, sometimes backwards, sometimes he forgets

Comfy panties, cute to give confidence but nothing that chafes, she’s on her feet a lot as bartender. Has a bunch of lacy ones for sure.

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

He’s typical for a nedian, some 172 cm maybe, slim, a bit less muscular than many others but not too bad of a twink. He’s okay with how he looks, women are the more beefy ones anyways

Around 180 cm, a little over maybe, thicc as a tree trunk. Typical strong arms and thighs for climbing but also some belly fat and love handles to spare. Just an absolute unit and he’s pleased with that

Max is short, some 155 cm and fat. She’s lost a little weight with a diet change to homecooked scheduled meals, but she’s still fat, and she’s completely fine with this and looks bomb as hell

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

He doesn’t really feel guilty about the things he does for fun, doesn’t feel the need to. Though in the end cheating on his wife dipped from “guilty pleasure” to “complete douchebaggery”

He doesn’t have enough braincells to feel guilty, dude was a police officer corrupt as they can be once upon a time. Maybe drinking on the job is a bit of a guilty pleasure but hey, he’s got good tolerance and not enough booze in his flask to get him too messed up.

Buying new makeup and clothes can be a bit of a guilty pleasure, but she neeeeds them. Using them and making herself look glam is something she feels no guilt about though, yes she might look a lil over the top but so what? It’s her style and she likes it

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Can design and build guns like the best of ‘em, it’s a hobby and a job, as well as testing the guns out at a firing range. Can’t sing at goddamn all

An excellent marksman and slick as hell, can talk himself out of pretty much any problem. Knows where to find a connection and how to utilize it to end up on top. On his free time he likes to play cards, hang out in a bar, snoop around casually, maybe find someone to share his bed for the night, who knows. Not a singer.

She’s got great style and impeccable makeup skills, somewhat artistic too but those are just some flower doodles. Enjoys making videos and makeup tutorials, cooking, hanging out with friends. Can hold a tune but mainly just hums.

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

He can pour over technical manuals, likes comics, longer novels get boring. A pretty fast reader though, has no interest in poetry.

A bit of a slow reader and prefers bigger text for his eyesight, has a hard time concentrating on longer text so he doesn’t really read books. Alternatively he does enjoy poetry and comics since there’s less to read.

Enjoys reading, usually fiction, crime novels and horror, sometimes romance. Enjoys poetry a lot, especially of the gothic kind.

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Admires tenacity and skill, never giving up despite struggles is inspiring. Wishes he could demand respect and earn it in a way people like Mhairi do, he feels like a bit of a little fish still (esp. compared to dad)

He can respect honesty, positivity and tenacity, even if it’s someone trying to catch him. Also appreciates patience because he knows he can be a bit of a mess. Being able to focus better would be nice.

Max appreciates honesty and open-mindedness, you can be blunt with your honesty, just don’t be mean, and be open to other views and facts than your own. She’s always looking to improve, if anything specific then just not being so hot-headed herself

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

Texts and emails are so much easier.

He won’t remember what he wrote on a letter so messages and emails work best

Loves an old-fashioned wax-sealed love letter as much as any dramatic hoe but obviously texts and emails work the best

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Too much soda and energy drinks, a caffeine fiend. Could probably stay up without if the weather is warm but still drinks his Red Bull

Mostly drinks alcohol or just water, he stays up long whiles with no help.

Likes her coffee, but mainly just a cup in the morning and an extravagant Starbucks drink during the day, maybe one in the evening. Might have something sweet during shifts at the bar, just for a little kick.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Hetero/demisexual, primarily an ass man, but a tight bod in general is a sight to see. Hair is nice to touch. Mentally likes tough women who know what they want and know to demand it, likes brains as much as butts. Needs affection and love and dedication, he’s serious about this shit

Bisexual, doesn’t really have a preference, maybe leans more towards thicc guys and gals, prefers a chubby belly over washboard abs. Mentally just be interesting, keep his attention, share views, not super into uptight nerdy scholar types. Needs attention, love and for the other one to take initiative for him to show love back, for now kinda casual about relationships because he tends to go too serious too quick and end up hurt

Bisexual, likes tough girls and cute boys, chubby people, stronk and soft, sparkly like she is, similar views and attitudes, not interested in super shy and quiet people who don’t like going out or don’t hype her up.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

His main goal is to blow up beat Vim in the market, his feelings are hurt and feels like his old man’s time has passed, no familial feelings anymore after the stunt Vim pulled, now it’s just rivalry. Kinda sacrificed a relationship to have the family he wanted, too.

Right now he’s just seeing if this sticks, so far he’s enjoyed captaining the Vandal and maybe even dipping his toesies back into corrupting law enforcement… this time being the one corrupting, not the one corrupted

Her ambitions are to make the makeup channel a full-time job and quit bartending, can eventually do that and make bank from being an influencer while also being a mom.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Not religious really, just tiny remnants of the kind of voodoo-type religion most common in where he’s from. Biggest thing religion-wise are the beads he got from his mom he keeps in his pocket, it’s more sentimental than that he actually believes in higher powers. Has no opinion about believers or non-believers unless they try to tell him how to think in which case he gets pissed

His people are generally atheistic, not religious at all himself, kinda finds it odd. But it’s none of his business, just keep it to yourself thank you. Will listen to stories though.

Not particularly religious, wears some religious stuff as part of her style but doesn’t really follow anything herself. Keep it to yourself.

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

Summer, he thrives in warm and humid. Active and happy during warm months. Hates the cold, gets drowsy, outside gets janky and eventually freezes entirely. Whines about cold.

Used to mild, medium weather, very dry, was baffled about rain and clouds. Appreciates the lack of dust outside his homeland. Summer tends to get hot, winter is too cold, not a fan of snow, likes rain. Likes fall.

Loves the fall, pumpkin spice, Halloween, spooky times. Manages heat well, hates sleet and snow but has good jackets to stay warm. Now if just her boots wouldn’t get so dirty.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

Depends greatly, he might be a whiny brat to some, a genius to some. He has been knocked down enough pegs to make him a bit humbler than he’d be otherwise, but he’s still an eager little man trying to become something great at any cost

He’s very much not welcome in his homeland, kind of an outsider everywhere else, his people aren’t so often seen. He’s just chilling and he has his talents, he’s a bit of an enigma to others, a horrible criminal to some and a disaster to his crew

Some may think she’s just a fat bitch, those are people she hasn’t allowed to bully her, others think she’s a role model. She’s a great friend and a mom, too.

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

He’s a bit awkward but he’s that in general, got more gun skills than people skills, which is pretty noticeable. He’ll shake your hand and say his name and what ship he’s from.

There’s something off, the handshake is firm but he might just forget to actually say his name or what ship he captains/who he works for, in general he seems… capable? If a bit scatterbrained.

Shakes your hand, smiles, introduces herself, she immediately feels like a pleasant person.

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

Doesn’t feel at all home in fancier events, doesn’t like dressing up formally, even if nedians don’t do black ties. Avoids fancy chitchat and events and maybe just raids the snack bar and bails.

Pretty at home actually, doesn’t particularly like formal wear but he’s used to wearing it, slips out from one conversation and into another without internalizing any of it or adding anything of substance. Gets tipsy and eats a bunch, just wanders around, gets stuck staring at a curtain for half an hour,

Likes dressing up but prefers a bit more casual parties, like dinners, not as formal. Loves to talk and have a drink and compliment ladies on their clothes.

[fates-end-does-vns]

Nogi Wakaba is a Hero: 1/2

that's a familiar looking face. sister or ancestor? sister or ancestor? 

that's a pretty karinish face there 

Second hero diary? What was the first?

>Nogi Sonoko joined the Sanshu Middle School Hero Club.

Starting in the present, I see.

>The Nogi Household's rose bath was like a hot spring.

ahh, wait, that illustration is for this scene isn't it yeah, now I see the black eyes instead of purple

>"That's a cute reaction~ I'm sure the readers would love a character like you~ my creative urges are rising~"

sononononono, don't break the fourth wall

unless you're making fanficion of your friends like fiw twilight, in which case I implore you to reconsider.

>"Yeah, that combination does sound like it could work. So next, how about Nogi?"

do not give sonoka a position of authority outside of combat. it will not end well.

>But yeah, right now, I think that out of all four candidates, I'd recommend Karin as club president. It'll probably be hard for her, but she is the 'perfect hero' after all, so I'm sure she can manage somehow."

ah right karin's more mellowed out now.

>"Okay, I'll read your fortune! ...Okay, I've got the results. This looks like it'll be a good romance!"

show me how you fucked up the tarot itsuki. I won't get too mad.

>"Well~ I'm not sure what I like exactly, but someone who's diligent and takes good care of others would be lovely~. It'd be even more fun if they were way too serious and got reckless from time to time, huh~"

sonogo you're just describing togou

>I wanted some material for my novels, so I asked for some history books to sent in from my family house's archive, and they sent me a huuuumongous amount of them.

HISTORY BOOKS GOTTEM

>"Books that escaped censorship... Those exist?"

fffucking taisha

burnin books too

>It was the same title as the diary Sonoko had recorded when she was worshiped, the Hero Diary.

ahhh so hero diaries are what the taisha make heroes write after they've reached their expiration dates

>It says the diary began to be recorded in July 2015.

so the treepocalypse happened in Next Sunday AD.

>"Nogi... Wakaba... Is she my ancestor~? If she wrote this diary, then does that mean my ancestor was a hero?"

caaaallllled iiiiiiit

y'alright there yuuna

(Prologue: End)

apocalypse magical girls from the far off future of 2018

what the fuck yuuna's is yuuna a time traveller a reincarnatee a cryogenically frozen supersoldier from the distant past

or is this just a coincidence

>Nogi Wakaba, a fifth grader at the time 

>a fifth grader at the time 

>fifth grader at the time 

>fifth grader 

are you fucking kidding me 

that was a joke

so nogi wakaba is basically blond sumi right 

why do these ten year olds have boobs

>One of the star-like objects fell onto the roof of the kagura-den. It was definitely not a bird at all. Its entire body was an almost unnatural white, its size far more gigantic than a human, with an ominous mouth-like organ.

and here's the vertices

>On unsteady feet, Hinata stood up. A strange light imbued her eyes and hex-like words leaked from her mouth.

ahh hinata's got the old possession style sayakafication fairies

I see they're taking the opportunity to do what they can't show on television.

>When she snapped back to her senses, Wakaba was standing up with that very sword in hand. She could've sworn the blade was rusted, but before she  had realised it, the blade was tinged with a vibrant, almost living brilliance.

we sure this is still the magical girl genre? this is giving me Eternity Sword vibes more than anything

>Some changed into a form like the edge of a section of body tissue, stiffening and rising up. (...They're... evolving...?)

that's not how evolution works.

>Three years later-- Nogi Wakaba was now a second year in middle school.

not expecting a time skip of all things. I'll be honest, I was enjoying the hellhole thing.

>Uesato Hinata is a Miko, one who hears divine voices.

miko, huh? interesting.

chapter 1 end.

the fuck is a doi

>After the invasion, a special tree by the name of "Shinju" appeared in Shikoku, and a giant wall made of plant tissue surrounded the island. It is said that the Shinju was the incarnation of the local gods, and the wall was a barrier it put up to stop the Vertex.

"appeared", "it was said". hm, hm, hm~♪

>"Uranophobia."

pff, uranus. but apparently it's "fear of heaven"

>Although it said "hearing the voice of the gods," it was not through common speech, but rather in the form of symbols and suggestive hints that instructions were transmitted to her.

symbols and suggestive hints, huh... so basically it's a horoscope.

>Only the purest of girls

"purest of girls"? what the hell does that even mean in this case

> are able to come in contact with the gods who detest impurity.

oh, the gods are fucking Lunarians.

>An area of the southeastern part of Lake Suwa in Nagano was, like Shikoku, also protected by a barrier where people could live.

...Another barrier? A second tree, or???

noodle discourse

>It let her feel safe knowing there was a friend out there fighting as well.

she's gon die isn't she

oh fuck I'm going to need to memorize at least five sets of speech patterns aren't I

>"I'm not fondling them! I'm trying to tear them off!"

i see hinata has more in common with togou than her hair color

this'll be a joy to get straight 

we even have multiple soft-spoken girls with long black hair 

interesting to note that yuuna's not pictured yet.

>Normal weapons were useless against the Vertex, only those that the Heroes wielded could inflict damage upon them.

so do the weapons have fairies in them or what

>"Taisha" was written with the characters for "Great Shrine," wait a fucking second is this a different organization

yeah yuuna's a time traveller.

chapter 2 end

guess blossoming is already a thing

for some strange reason I feel like wakaba's the only character who matters here.

>And yet Yuuna was less concerned about herself, and more concerned with Chikage who hadn't participated in the battle at all.

yuuna being yuuna

>The next moment, the cylindrical Vertex began forming a clear red plate-shaped structure.

cancer?

>Out of the infinite records available to her, the one Yuuna now chose was "Ichimokuren".

wait, so yuuna's choosing her fairy?

and stuffing it in herself, which is bad.

>Wakaba had dodged the Vertex's charge with the least necessary movement, and at the same time, she bit off part of the enemy's body with her teeth.

don't bite the alien wakaba

>"Wakaba-chan! You can't go eating weird things like that, okay!?"

pff.

chapter 3 end

so is she referring to actual blossoming here or what

>A foul smell hit her the moment she stepped inside.

welp

chikage's in a bad place

chikage's in a really bad place

>They both cursed her existence.

yikes

>Those who had hurt her once were now trying to get on her good side.

garbage people, the lot of them

>(My worth... is in being a hero...)

oh no this won't end well

>It allowed her to exist in seven different places at once. She wouldn't die unless all seven were killed at the same time.

and this is even one of the fairies mentioned in that report.

chapter 4 end

??? I don't get it

oh hey gemini

>"I see! So then maybe we can use the udon as a diversion if it reacts to it!" there is absolutely no way this will work.

>untamarable what kind of pun is that

chapter 5 end

wait a second is that part talking about udon did they censor udon and intelligent? why the hell would the taisha censor information about instant noodles 

>The one who saved her was Yuuna. She suddenly appeared in the midst of the swarm and started holding them off instead of Wakaba. are you sure yuuna's not the protagonist here

so to temporarily stop the vertexes the taisha allegedly went aztec on what were allegedly six mikos those wouldn't happen to actually be these six characters somehow, would they? and I guess Yuuna would be a zombie...?

end of chapter 6

so apparently the divine tree is blaming humans too? fuck that tree.

guess hinata's hair is purple now.

>"...Her consciousness still hasn't returned." so are comas normal for yuuna

this group is a lot less stable than the other ones.

>Now that it had been denied... just how should she fight from now on?

wakaba freaking out about her girlfriend leaving is cute

ah, anzu's trying to cheer her up by point out how many people she’s been helping.

>(But now... I have to get over it.) :V guess the therapists all got eaten

and Chapter 7 ends with another timeskip.

>And perhaps they would keep on changing. *glances at gin's funeral*

>Aki Masuzu clamoured in misery as she changed clothes. oh boy another new character

>However, all communications with Suwa had ceased after last September.

and another tree circle is confirmed just to be killed off lemme guess, they'll disappear one by one until shikoku's all that's left?

>Finally, the Shinju appeared at the end of the path. hup

even in a light novel, the tree isn't described

>Several of the small stars combined into a brilliance unlike anything I've ever seen... leo again?

>There are two kinds of honetsukidori. Chick uses spring chickens while hen uses more mature chicken meat. Chick is more plump, tender, and easier to eat, while hen has a deeper flavour that oozes out the more you chew on its tougher meat. stop it, you're making me hungry

>All Yuuna was doing was cheerfully humming as she cleaned Wakaba's ears-- but not even Hinata was a match for a technique like that. even in other characters' stories, yuuna reigns supreme

>The fierce battle foretold in the oracle in the midst of the war of humanity's last stand would later be called the Battle of Marugame Castle. Oh, so we're getting into a fight that's actually important?

[End of chapter 8]

hmm. you know what, there's only so long you can string me along with splotches of whiteout before I get desensitized to it.

>Would they just blindly increase in size, or would they guide their evolution into an intentional form? The latter.

>By that time, the black shadows wrapping around her foot had already disappeared. what the heck

>Suddenly, Tamako collapsed to her knees. really shouldn'tve tempted fate back there.

>The fairy she had extracted from the Shinju was Minamoto no Yoshitsune, a general with superhuman martial arts thought it was a divine tree, not a throne of heroes.

end of chapter 9.

So are they going on a "trip" outside the wall? Wonder if it's as much of a primordial hellscape as it is in present times...

>Many buildings had been blown out from the inside as if a chemical explosion had occurred within, and traces of heat-deformation could be seen. That's the first unpleasant thing they saw? Guess the vertexes haven't done... whatever to destroy the atmosphere yet.

>For dinner, they were boiling water in a pot to cook some udon they had brought from Shikoku. It was a dry-noodle kind of Sanuki udon that kept well. of course they're eating udon.

>After dinner, everyone went into the river to wash off their sweat. oh boy another fanservice scene bet there's a cg for this too yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

>"If I become a hero and do my best fighting the Vertexes, I can save people. If we keep saving people, then we can slowly but surely take back the world and bring it back to normal. At least that's what I think!" Yuuki Yuuna is a Hero, after all.

>After the heroes had annihilated the Vertexes, they decided to resume moving for the day. even the story is getting bored.

>"Th... there was supposed to be an Osaka-famous rare book store here! How terrible! The last copies of incredibly precious books could be lost to the world now!" all that devestation, and that's what makes you freak out?

>Instead-- they found a heap of several skeletons. That's... odd. They haven't found any bodies so far, have they? I figured the Vertex don't leave anything behind.

>Wakaba noticed a notebook on the floor. She picked it up and looked inside. It was the diary of someone who took refuge in this underground mall.

oh are we going to read a diary in a diary?

chapter 10 end

[scribblindown]

Chocobros + Nyx in a Bodyguard AU

A/N: Okay, first of all, so much struggle went into this post. I was writing until 2:30 in the morning, and I was nearly finished until my computer failed me, and I lost this entire post. 

;; I forgot to save between every boy. 

God, I’m so dumb. 

But I hope you enjoy this Bodyguard AU that no one asked for after I typed it the second time around.  (o^ ^o)

(@little-mini-me-world​ pain is real.)

Noctis: 

Attempts the cool and silent bodyguard type, but in reality he’s just awkward. 

He blushes up a storm every time you tease him. 

He acts like he knows what he’s doing, but he really doesn’t. 

 Most of the time you have to tell him if you have a bad feeling, or if you don't feel safe, or else he'll never catch on. 

That doesn't mean that he's bad at his job though! Noctis always makes sure to keep no more than a step or so behind you, and in crowded places he'll keep an arm wrapped protectively around your waist. 

He's crazy fast too! If Noctis ever notices that you're in immediate danger, it will seem as if he practically transports to your assailant, and can take them down before you can even react. 

Noctis would be very hard to get to open up, and he honestly tried to keep your relationship purely professional, but at any mention of fishing, video games, or cosplay, he'll become such a dweeb. 

At first glance he's the "mysterious guy with a dark past" but this is the same guy that says, "Sharp errday," and "Cake, baby," when he takes down your attackers. 

He's pretty scary when he's angry though. His eyes will seem like they turn red, and he will beat your attackers an inch from death until you tell him to stop. 

You're pretty shaken up, but then he flashes you a straight face and a thumbs up before saying in the deepest voice he can muster, "I'm an assassin."

There's your dork. 

He’s also very self-sacrificing. He wouldn’t hesitate to jump in front of you to take that bullet, knife, or punch. 

Noctis would realize that you're the love of his life when he would willingly give up his precious sleep to make sure that you're safe all the time. 

HE WOULD NEVER ADMIT IT THOUGH. NO ONE MUST KNOW. Crush?? What crush??

Avoids eating vegetables under the excuse that they might be poisoned. 

His uniform is a tailored black suit with a black button up and no tie. He keeps the first couple of buttons open to reveal some of that hairless chest of his O-O

On lazy days, (which is almost every day) he wears a form-fitting black shirt and cargo pants. 

Prompto: 

Okay, first of all, who gave him this job 

He would leave your side just to pet puppies. 

Prompto likes to sing the James Bond theme under his breath when he scopes out the area. 

When you ask him to do something for you: “You got it, gurrrlll!” [finger guns] [somersaults out of there] 

He’s very talkative and friendly, so you always feel at ease with him, and people often mistake him for your boyfriend. 

An overly protective boyfriend that wears a bulletproof vest. 

Although, when the two of you first met, he would be very flustered and embarrassed. He just didn’t expect to be assigned to someone so pretty. 

He’d apologize over and over for touching your bare skin, or for yanking your arm to pull you closer to him, and you’d laugh and tell him that he’s just doing his job. 

When the two of you grow closer, he becomes such a comforting presence, and he’s never not smiling at you.   

Even though he’s your bodyguard, he doesn’t mind doing manual tasks for you. 

Have an eyelash in your eye? He’s on it. You’re wearing a dress with a train? He’ll be sure to carry the ends for you. You’re going shopping? He’ll hold your bags for you. 

Honestly he’s such a lovely gentleman. Marry him already. 

You wouldn’t really see him as a bodyguard though, but that would change the moment you see him in action when he activates serious and badass mode. 

Is the guy who cried when he saw a spider in your room the same guy that legit kicked a gun out of a grown man’s hand, did a flip, and caught that gun like a baton?? 

Where the fuck did he learn how to do that??

You honestly thought that the gun he carries around with him was just for show. 

Afterwards Prompto would cry, and he would think that he had failed you because he couldn’t stop the threat from the start. The poor babe honestly believes that he’s so disposable as a bodyguard. 

Protect him, love him, become his emotional bodyguard. 

Prompto’s uniform is a black bulletproof vest over a red, sleeveless shirt and baggy pants. He keeps his gun in a holster at his side and has an earpiece that he always fiddles with because he can’t stand still for long. 

Ignis: 

Is he a model?? Or a bodyguard? The world may never know. 

He’s the type of bodyguard that doesn’t know when to relax. No matter what, he’s always on guard to ensure your safety. Because of this, there’s never a moment with him around that you don’t feel safe. 

He’s very professional and strict, but it’s known to have a soft spot for you. 

Ignis would also be underestimated physically as a bodyguard, but not only is he as sharp as a whip, has multiple plans and backup plans in case anything goes wrong, Ignis can take down three men twice his size before you can even blink. 

Haven’t you ever seen his bare biceps?? Dat boi lifts.

Ignis would be the one to drive you everywhere because he doesn’t trust anyone else to do it. 

After you were nearly poisoned, he would be the one to make almost every meal that you have too. 

He’s also very old-fashioned when it comes to chivalry. Even though he’s not paid to pamper you, he wouldn’t hesitate to carry your books for you, open doors for you, or scoop you up to walk over a puddle. 

He’s such a mom friend. 

He acts like your mother more than your mother does when it comes to your safety, but he also motivates you and tries to help you if you ever feel overwhelmed. 

If you feel stressed, he’ll be there to pull out a chair beside you, pour you some drinks and give you some snacks. He’s here to help. 

Your emotional health is just as important to him as your physical health. 

He would even crack some jokes or give you some memes if that’s what it takes to make you smile. 

When you first see Iggy, he’ll look like the boring and stern type, but there’s more than meets the eye with him. With everything that he does for you, it’s a no-brainer that you fell in love with him. 

After Ignis goes blind trying to protect you, he’ll try to quietly remove himself from your life because he feels like he’s not fit to protect you anymore. 

Please stop this man. 

Ignis doesn’t know what casual dressing is. Every single one of his uniforms are designer, tailored, and pressed to perfection. 

Gladio: 

He fits the bodyguard mold to a T. 

When people see him with you, he’s just so tall and muscular that there’s no hesitation in their minds that he’s here to protect you, and he’s probably the best person for the job. 

Why would people even threaten you with him as your bodyguard tbh, 

He won’t hesitate to tease you though, but that just means that he feels at ease with you and he doesn’t feel stifling. 

Gladio also wouldn’t mind if you asked him to carry you everywhere. He’s just like, [shrugs] “Alright,” because it’s not like he’d have to use much of his strength to carry you. 

Besides, it’s easier on him as a bodyguard because he literally has you by his side at all times. 

Gladio also hopes that it would never have to come to this, but in case he ever has to leave you alone for a while, he’ll teach you how to fight for yourself. 

His security measures can get a bit overbearing, and sometimes you feel a bit frustrated because he feels like your dad, and you think that he’s taking all of these precautions too far. 

You just have to understand that he’s trying to protect you. 

Other than that, you would never have to worry if you really were in danger because you know that Gladio would be there to save you 100% of the time. 

If you were receiving death threats though. 

Cue Taken’s “I will find you, and I will kill you.” 

If for any reason he needs to leave your side for a while, the next person he trusts to protect you is Iris. 

She’s honestly so precious and it’s always a blessing to see her. 

This girl will give you plush toys on one hand, then put your attacker in a choke hold in another. 

You would never tell Gladio, but you’re more intimidated by her than you are by him, and that’s saying something. 

He would also ask you to accompany him to the gym. He has to watch you almost 24/7, and he needs to keep his body in shape, so this is killing two birds with one stone. 

You get to watch him work out and he gets to watch over you. It’s a win-win for everyone. 

He would even catch your watchful eyes on him and would give you a teasing smirk and a, “Like what you see?” 

His uniform is a fitted suit that fits perfectly over his hulking form, but he usually wears a black, fitting tank top with dark jeans. 

Honestly this entire Bodyguard AU thing is just canon for Gladio. 

Nyx: 

The all-around perfect bodyguard. While Prompto and Noctis are a bit too lenient, while Ignis and Gladio can be a bit overbearing, Nyx is the perfect middle. 

He’s assertive, but he’ll let you have some freedom too. 

He calls you “Princess” jokingly. 

He tries to keep your relationship professional, but it wouldn’t be very hard to get him out of his shell. 

If the two of you are alone, pull him into a dance, pull him into the pool, or tell him to lay next to you on the bed, and he’ll complain at first, but soon he’ll be laughing with you. (Just let me have a slow dance with Nyx alright ;;)

With all of the distractions you throw at him, people would think that it would be easy to get things past him, but they are dead wrong. 

Nyx is incredibly observant no matter what, and almost nothing gets past him. 

He’ll catch you trying to sneak out, but then he’ll be like, “Okay, but only I can come too.” 

He’ll definitely be those guys from the YA novels that are like, “You don’t want to get close to me, Princess, I’m a dangerous man.” 

Uh-huh, sure. 

He takes his job very seriously, so you’ll see him posted outside your door or behind you during long, boring meetings, and he’ll keep his stance and form perfectly straight the entire time. 

If you keep on trying to talk to him when he’s on duty, he’ll give you a lopsided smile and an exasperated, “Princess, you’re interfering with my work.” 

Give him a smirk and a, “As long as I’m with you, I feel like the safest person in the world.” 

He’ll hum and turn away, but it takes him at least ten minutes to catch on.

Hold on. 

What?? 

Wait, are you...flirting with him??

For the rest of the week he would just be in a state of shock and have a mental debate of, “No, they were just being cheeky,” or “Holy shit, they flirted with me because they like me.” 

Save him from his suffering, or else he’ll be stuck in this internal monologue for the rest of his life. 

His uniform is a tailored double-breasted military jacket with matching trousers, but he’ll also wear a plain black tee and black pants. 

10/10 would want him as a bodyguard. 

[allisonilluminated]

The Seven Sins of Fanfiction

Hey all,

This blog is primarily focused on helping newer writers (and maybe some older ones) improve their fanfiction and increase their views.  Since that’s the case, it’s important to understand exactly what not to do when you’re writing.

These are the worst things you can do while you’re writing.  I can guarantee everyone reading this post has done at least three of them, and probably all in some shape of form.  This is the sort of thing that makes you want to click away immediately, that you cringe at when it’s in the first paragraph or laugh at how bad it is.  These things that make you stop reading other stories, just think about it for a moment.  What if fewer people are reading your own work because you’re making the same mistakes?

Yeah.  If you want to improve, you gotta know what you’re doing wrong.  Number Seven is the least worst, then the list descends to Number One, the worst thing you can do in fanfiction.

Note: This is a subjective list.  There are people who disagree with some of these points (especially the non-grammar ones), so it’s important to remember that these are the things I find most degrading to the quality of the story being written.  As a writer, you have the creative liberty to write whatever you want.

#7 – Bad Romance

“Wo-o-o-o-o, o-o-o-o, o-o-ah, caught in a bad romance fanfiction but it’s the only 100k fic for my OTP so I’m like contractually obligated to read it.” - Lady Gaga, mostly

We’ve all been here.  You know that moment when two characters meet, then suddenly decide to kiss, and the next thing you know they’re screwing on the patio with some kinky ass BDSM shit.  What about those cringe fics where suddenly Harry is spouting some creepy possessive stuff like “my only” or “softest light of my life” to twelve year old Ginny.  You know what I’m talking about.

Good romance is an art.  It’s about flawed characters (later) coming together in a beautifully intimate way (later) to make something even more beautiful.  There is so much bad romance on FFN and AO3 that it just blows my mind.

Giving tips would take an entire post, so here’s a good article on the absolute basics you need to write a good romance: https://www.nownovel.com/blog/romance-writing-mistakes/

#6 – Bad Dialogue Tags

“No!” he howled.

“Yes,” she growled angrily.

She retorted snarkily, “Well, screw you.”

“Fuck you too,” he scowled sadly, before gratingly mumbling “I still love you though.”

Alternatively:

“No!” “Yes.”  “Well, screw you.”  “Fuck you too.  I still love you though.”

There’s a glorious word in this social construct we call English, and it’s “said.”  Use it.

You don’t need a fancy word for every tag.  You don’t need a fancy word for almost all tags.  Eighty percent of your tags should be said, exclaimed, and asked, and more of said than the others.  Maybe a whispered or a yelled for some flavor.

Adverbs are your enemies.  I struggle with this, but you should use them extremely sparingly.

On the flipside, if your reader doesn’t know who’s talking, your dialogue is meaningless to them.  Also, use line breaks every time there is a new speaker.

The trick is finding some happy medium between the two examples.  A handful of fancy tags, a lot of said, and if there are two people talking back and forth you don’t even need to tag every sentence.

#5 – Bad Messaging

I don’t want to put down an example for this one, because I think writers feel liberated to write some really awful shit in fanfiction because it’s “not a serious medium” or “it’s the internet, I have free speech.”  Let me say this right now:

Stories that make rape a positive thing are not okay.  Stories that portray suicide in a glorified light are not okay.  Stories that show slavery, or torture, or all of the other horrendous things human beings do to each other in a romanticized or glorified manner are not okay.

I don’t care if it’s your fetish.  I don’t care, it’s just not okay to write about these things in a positive light.  The only reason this is so high on this list is because these stories aren’t as common as the rest, and are mostly marked M/Explicit so you can avoid them.

#4 – Overdescription

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). [[I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow – My Immortal

Oh boy.

Writers, let me introduce you to this wonderful thing called your profile.  Assuming you aren’t drowning in copypastas, this is the perfect place for your character descriptions.  Alternatively, have you heard of Tumblr? Literally, stick them anywhere except the middle of your story, and I can guarantee you the readers that actually care will find them if you mention them in your A/N.

Show, don’t tell is one of the fundamental principles of writing. When you’re describing a character, you probably don’t need more than three adjectives and a one sentence description of their outfit. Yes, that applies even if your character has a special non canon outfit.  If we must know, work the details into the story. Info-dumping description is telling, and is one of the worst world building and characterization mistakes you can make.  Period.

#3 – Epithets

The blond girl walked to the door, and started as a burly man opened it.  “May I help you?”

“Yes, I’m here to get a consultation,” the graying businessman said as he ran a hand through his oily hair.

The youthful therapist nodded as she shut the door behind him. Rummaging on her desk, she asked, “Why are you here?”

“Well,” said the jaded economist to the buxom woman.  “This author thinks they’re being clever by not giving out names, but they’re ruining this story.”

The best way to get someone to leave your story is epithets.  

Epithets do not create mystery.  Epithets are not a good substitute for proper nouns.  Epithets will not make a clever opening, or add variety to your dialogue.

Epithets will ruin your story, and should not be used.

They come in varying degrees of horror.

The noun.  You might be able to get away with saying just “the woman” or “the child” under certain circumstances. This is almost an excusable offence.

The noun with one adjective.  This is already unacceptable. If you though you were going to solve Sin #4 by doing this, you’re digging yourself an even deeper hole.

The noun with one modified adjective.  Because they can’t just be sexy, they have to be shockingly sexy.

The noun with multiple adjectives.  This is automatically overdescription on top of being a horrible thing to subject another person to.

The noun followed by a relative clause.  Because there’s always a way to make it worse.  “The girl who was now holding his hand” is absolutely disgusting, and so is “The girl that was sitting across from her” or especially “the girl she knew had a chocolate bar somewhere in her pocket.

The noun followed by a relative clause with adjectives.  Put it together and what have you got?

Compound Epithets.  Oh. My.  God.  This deserves its own sin.  Even if your character has blue hair, you should never ever ever call them a bluenette.  Ever.  Ever ever ever. AAAAAAAAH!

The author has made her point.

#2 – Bad Grammar

I find bad grammar extremely agitating, mostly because there are a lot of great tools and easy fixes to solve the problems.  Most word processors have a built in spell checker, and a lot of them check for grammar as well.  If you need an alternative, grammarly.com has a good free version that’ll catch a lot of mistakes.  Of course, proofreading your work before posting is always a great idea.  Here’s a quick list of some of the most common grammar issues you should be on the lookout for:

A new paragraph for a new idea.

A new paragraph for a new speaker.

Dialogue formatting

Periods

Commas

Run on sentences

Using line breaks

Spelling

Capitalizing starts of sentences

Capitalizing proper nouns

Choosing CONSISTENT capitalization for canon terms (Pokemon vs pokemon, for example)

Repeated words.

Sentence fragments

Tense

#1 – Bad Characterization

“What?” you’re probably asking yourself right now.  “How is bad characterization possibly worse than poor grammar?  Than epithets?”

Allow me to explain.

When an author writes a story, a good story, they are creating characters who act like people.  They have wants, needs, hates, motives, and a concept of who they are, even if they’re only fictional.  The author gives them life, spirit, a spark that keeps you reading and wanting to learn more about them.

That sense of identity is what makes them real to us.  Why you binge a show on Netflix, or read a novel in one night.  Reading is a connection with these characters on a deeper level than you might realize, and this connection brings them to life.

Take that away, and your story is dead.

Your gray OOC Gary Stu overpowered Ravenclaw Harry who grew up with Snape and has a goblin half brother AU is not a story about Harry Potter.  It’s a story about an OC named Harry Potter, and Harry loses any integrity he had as a character in Rowling’s books.

That’s why there are fics with horrible grammar and massive following, alongside fics with incredible grammar and sentence construction but no followings.  Unless you maintain a basic level of your character’s identity, the essence of what makes them empathetic, you’re not writing about that character.  This is the worst sin, because even with all of the others in play, if there is good characterization you can still create an incredible story.

Just by fixing these seven problems, your fic can instantly jump from bad/meh to incredible in the way people perceive it.  Hopefully this list can help you determine things to either go back and revise or work on for future chapters.  When have you committed one of the seven sins?  What other sins do people make all the time in their writings?

Thank you to all of the amazing people who have followed, Allie

Support Me:  Fanfiction.net - Archives of our Own 

[freshfromthegraveyard]

Bullying.

Super random.

As a kid who was bullied less by other students and more so by teachers.

I was bullied for my brain not matching my exterior. Being an embassy brat, when I came to the US for school I often was and still act like a foreigner in my own country. But I am a blonde white girl. So this was never well received. Not grasping certain things was seen as an act, or attention seeking. If I had the nerve to correct a teacher on something about a country I lived in. I was shot down in a publicly humiliating manor to ensure I knew my place. If I looked like someone from that country I gurantee they would have actually opened up the floor for me to discuss my homeland.

When I did start gaining weight due to an emotional trigger. I did still for some reason always maintain confidence in other areas. Like I knew I was getting chubby and fatter. But was like meh, whatever I'm still smart, funny and can draw. Heck I'm still a beast in PE. Running sucks but I can still do other shit. So I wasn't always picked last. I still had friends. If my weight was mocked I kind of got it and was like yah I did get fat but I can loose it. I was always active so it was never hard to lose a lil chub. Sadly I did go way past chub into super fat town and man losing that shit was hard and daunting. Still was the same me no matter what school I went to. Still made friends.

The only people I got super offended by when they made fun of my weight was the teachers. Because again, your an Adult picking on a kid. That is a low blow a cheap shot. Remarkably my bad grades have nothing to do with being fat. I don't go home and be like oh donuts well no time for school work. I will always have a learning disability, and a massive sleep disorder. Meds do help. I hate being one of THOSE people who fall under the excuses department but it is like night and day. It is not as simple as stfu and pay attention. I even got mad at myself thinking I was dumb because of this. Like yup, those honors classes you take now are just because of the meds. Your actually an idiot. Why do you take those AND a special class, why do you still take your tests in the library or have to read in total silence? Your dumb that's why! So I went off my meds to prove a point. The point wound up being my grades dropped and everything was so much more of a struggle. The stress was awful. It was the stupidest thing I could have done to myself. But just in case other generations feel that learning disabilities are cop outs. Please know. They aren't. Infact some people get tested for adult learning disabilities and it changes their lives.

Anyway, on back to bullying.

At one school, when I was first gaining the weight. I still had friends. I was still given the frog eye because of my white girl forgienerism, thankfully at that time I was in a private school and the teachers did not bully me about it because new flash private schools get military brats. Though I always had to write papers on countries I hadn't been to. Good call actually.

But here is the kicker. Though my bullying did not really start until public schools. Again I cannot stress enough that what was done by teachers was far more damaging then anything some kid could say.

I did, possibly unlike some bullied.

I always noticed who else was bullied.

I'm an odd lil bird in that, while I could be entirely self absorbed and be all about me. I remember who and why other kids for bullied.

I bet most people will think since I got bullied for being plump I only root for body positivity of the plump sort. You couldn't be more wrong.

The ONE person who had it the worst at the private school, was a tall lanky girl. She wanted the same thing all us girls wanted. To be like the cool girls at the time. She was thin due to her incredible metabolism, and her height, she was shy, and due to being made stand out, only getting shier. She was one of the first people I remember talking on my first day of school other then Rosemary a girl who just was genuinely cute and nice. I've yet to meet a Rosemary who wasn't. I get a whisper from a fellow student not to talk to this thin girl too much. I'm like.....why? Their like, well she's just kind of strange. I'm like, I'm new, so logically I'm gonna be the resident strange kid for a while. But how is she strange exactly. She just seems quite. Their like exactly. I'm like, 11 and confused af. I'm like, wait why is being quite weird in a bad way? Before I could spit most of that out the teacher agree on my suggestion of being quite. Being a embassy brat, I had NO probably striking up new convos with perfect strangers. Ie kids at a school I just met. Before the hell that was HS. I was anything BUT shy. When you move around a lot you need to make friends fast. That and I was born not giving a shit and thinking I was the shit. Before the weight gain I assure you I was cute as hell with attitude to spare. So I was not entirely wrong.

I didn't let this why is silent bad thing go. I still talked to this mysterious thin girl. I sat with her at lunch. Prior to that I kept asking why her just being quite was bad. They said it just made them uncomfortable. I did ask the obvious of did it ever occur to you guys that you treating her weird makes her silent. Their like no she came that way. I couldn't argue because a lot of these kids did know eachother since kindergarten so ya know. They maybe right even if it is wrong. In case you have not guessed. Being raised an only kid, overseas you have bennies of being treated like an adult and being more logical then a kid the same age. Hence why I sound more adult in this story cuz I always was even if I still enjoyed childish endeavors *Like I still do*

Here is the heart breaker. The thin girl at lunch enjoyed my company. I made her laugh a lot that day and got her talking *novel concept when you reach out to someone* at the end of lunch though. She said, this was nice but ya know you shouldn't really hang around me the other kids will black ball you. I'm like yeah, I don't care. She's like no, you should. I appreciate it, but another group has tried and the other kids make life hard on them. I'm like well I extra don't care. I said your kind of in luck. I don't stay at schools very long so by the time they do that to me I will probably be moving. Plus being the new kid I will be resident weirdo for a while. I can play dumb for a long time and befriend the black balled.

I told her which, I don't get why. I said, being shy is the last reason someone should be pushed aside. Granted it took me a few times to get you to talk BUT I gotcha damnit *swearing in Catholic school woot* *at a whisper less woot*

So I made friends, with the very group she spoke of who had made efforts to friend her. I also was friends with other groups. Including 2 class clowns, 2 twin black girls who too me for forever to realize they were twins. I had one jerk kid who ironically was a pretty chubby dude to be so judgy about me being a chubby chick. But I still was friends with thin girl be damned. Needed a book shared in class and no one would share with her. ME! And don't be fooled our one class clown never had a homework buddy because surprise ppl thought he couldn't be serious. ME! I think the funniest thing that happened at that school was rainy day recess where class was divided up for games. Started up with normal dictionary teams. Then Okay Megan is really good at this, let's pair her with the one person who isn't. Okay still really good at this both drawing and guessing. Let's make the team's be class vs Megan. It's only fair. Sorry it still amuses me. My one glory day.

Back to bullying.

Though at the private school, bullying was far minimal. and kids really had to be imaginative. Since we all wore uniforms. Kids had to be like, well they make us laugh, but he's probably not serious about his hw. Woo. Wow. Lame. She's too quite. So lame. She's too smart. All of these are so damn lame. And let's face it none are bad qualities. Sorry the kid finds hw boring and is a quick whit. You actually have to be smart to be fast in humor. She's quite. So she's reserved and actually nice if you reach out. Your only too smart if you can't use your book sense.

Now, public school. Girl was made fun of for being too thin, having the nerve to go through puberty *ie acne* and also was very shy, if not stand offish, not dressing nice enough. If anything, id say she tried to look her worst regardless of what students said. I could go on about warning signs this child had. My mom caught them instantly. Did the school? NO

Turns out she was being molested by her stepdad. Like, srsly. My mom met her once and got it. Oy. So sad. I have a lot of guilt for not being able to communicate better with her though.

Anyway, another girl, got made fun of for having big boobs which she hated especially during PE. I don't blame her.

Yet another girl made fun of for being too thin. She was petite and had all brothers. So she was small and mean.

Another girl was shaped more like a guy and strong. She excelled in some PE sports but still made fun of.

Guys, same deal. If they had curly hair that's a pain to style. Chubby but not good at sports. And idky other kids care if you are good at grades or not? Like, we all have the same hw if you can spell congrats. Some ppl have dyslexia so ya know kindly fuck off.

Why does a grade make you popular or not?

It's odd to me. It's like, you need to get good grades but not TOO GOOD cuz then your too smart and it's also weird. Public school bullying. Lawd have mercy. Talk about a new level of awful.

Again, I was attacked publically by teachers. Who decided I was infact fat and stupid and somehow cheating at art?

I had art taken away from me as it was a distraction. Since I was bad at reading out loud all of my work was to be delivered in this fashion. I corrected a teacher on some foreign affairs, as he got locations, pronunciation, law, and well just a fucking lot wrong about a country I lived in for so long. I held myself back on so much but it was like he was getting everything confused with an entirely different country. For one thing he was still mentioning a city by it's old name. Like omg update

your book man!!! When I finally sad something he blew a stack and made sure everyone in the class was aware of how fat and ignorant I was.

When I told my parents. Boy did they come undone. At the parent teacher conference this same teacher said "if Megan would put down the donuts and study this wouldn't be an issue" yah my dad pinned him to a wall by his neck. Mind you this was after he had already

Made repeated digs at me, my family, and pretty much anything we could stand for. My parents also made the argument that if a student was a concert pianist or a ballet dancer. Would they take away their craft? No. So why take away my art? Both piano and ballet are considered art. Needless to say this battle of the teachers vs parents and all the horrible things they said and did was not over. Two shrinks were involved, and the state was called in. Their shrink and our shrink. The shrinks wound up agreeing and asked the state to come in for a learning disability test. Hence me first getting diagnosed. The shrinks also needed the teachers to understand something. They brought my mom in, since the one teacher now feared my father *not that my mom couldn't take him* the teachers sat down, the shrinks showed them pics of me thin and active and the dates. They show me chubby then thin again due to being an active kid. They then ask when my recent weight gain started. My mom didn't even hesitate she just took off her wig from cancer to reveal her bald head and said about when this happened. She said she was studying to finalize some culinary school work at a local college. She said she knows her daughter felt food was an emotional way to be close to her. My shrink said. Sometimes fat is better then too thin. You can lose fat. You can't undo the damages of too thin if bulimia sets in.

So you'd think the teachers would back off. Ha. No. That one male teacher persisted that everyone has problems and I needed to suck it up. I was now all of 12. He loved making fun of me. I also noticed, though I was his favorite to pick on. I was not alone. He hated anyone who could not read out loud flawlessly. He hated anyone who was not athletic and bragged about his triathlons to this day I get an eye tick around the word. Friend of mine was a solid A student. Read flawlessly outloud. But guess what she had some small kid pudge on her. The second her history teacher went into his class. There goes her straight As. She got a B- in his class. Never on tests with multiple choice, just written work and general performance. Ya know subjective stuff. Not shady at all. Mom got wind and had enough. She sat in his class one day. In my friends class no less. Not mine on purpose. She sat their and made fun of him the way he did us. She's like hey kids, I know this guy makes fun of all the students. Let's make fun of him the same way. Isn't he kind of short? Like really short. I met his wife, he must use a step ladder to kiss her. He's also bald. Notice how he only keeps pictures of himself in tight triathlon clothes or old pics with long hair. Think he's compensating for something?? Who keeps pics of themselves on their desk!?! My husband has his family. Self centered much?

And what's with those triathlons anyway?

We notice you hate fatties. Were you a fatty? Do you run from calories? Did a fatty break your heart? What is it? Why do you hate them So? She's like, actually, it doesn't matter. Whatever your problem is it should not be taken out on children. My mom continued. She's like, ya know why he picks on you kids. One your the only people smaller then him. Two he is to cowardly to stand up to other adults. My husband pinned him against a wall and his eyes nearly popped out of his head from terror. Yeah. All talk this little fart. He obviously was livid talking over her saying she can't do this, he's calling the cops for trespassing.

Apparently when she opened the room up to the kids to pick at him they had a bunch of weird shit they noticed he does. One kid said he's just jealous because everyone likes his wife as a teacher better. That's why he made her stay home with the kids or keep having a kid. She's like everyone liked her? Whole room was like best teacher award every year!

Lol this dude didn't speak for days he was just fuming. It got better when, guess what my mom met his wife and put on her best cute, sweet innocent lady routine. I remember walking to our truck, douche teacher behind me. *cuz of course I had to stay after in his class for some kind of punishment*

His wife was all smiles at my mom, looked over at him with such a look. My mom had an evil smile looking at him like. Checkmate mother fucker. I sat in the truck, waiting for her. Dressed daper. Smiling. She sets behind the wheel, we drive off. She's like well we tried the proper channels first. He made me play dirty but I assure you the war is over.

So, turns out, his wife was a loved teacher BECAUSE she had a lot of patience for her students and taught both standard and kids with learning disabilities. So to say she was understanding is an understatement. I mean, my mom didn't know this when speaking to her. It was actually a whim, when she saw her while waiting to pick me up and just got to talking.

Anyway, the point of this INSANELY long post.

Is as a kid that was not so much bullied by peers as much as by teachers. I also was not always bullied about my weight as much as just being considered an attention seeking liar THEN my intelligence and weight was thrown in for extra damage.

It is true, the book by its cover. I am still a foreigner in a American white girl body. I still have some wires crossed. I still don't know all customs or referrences. My spelling is bad. My accent isnt. Family was 2 people. My perspective is Global. Africa, Asia, an American Farm is my background.

Bullying, just cuz I got fat. Doesn't mean I didn't see the people who got made fun of for being too thin. Before I stopped struggling in school. I noticed kids got bullied for their grades. As if the school and parents are not going to add enough pressure. If you have a talent that is not a sport or a musical instrument. You are not of value. Which is funny in a society that worships actors and models. All of whom rarely look a thin like they look like now in school.

There have been a lot of school shootings over the years. I remember when Columbine happened.

Remember early on in my status of the thin girl? Regardless of people telling me again and again that I would be some social pyria for being nice to her. I still did it. Over and over. I did more to make myself look stupid then she ever could have. Nothing ever happened to me because of her. Even if it had. I wouldn't have cared. Because I had a friend in her. We would at least be weirdos together was my logic.

If you make the effort. More then once. Because some shells are really hard to crack. Because some people have been hurt a lot. At least you tried. In COLLEGE none the less. My roommate and I met quite possibly the most socially awkward creature alive. We tried repeatedly to make friends or at least make peace with this creature. To no damn ivale. Senior yr this person asked me why no one likes them. I told them that wasn't fair because we all have made efforts to involve them in groups, shinnangans, hang out, we even through JUST them a birthday party. We have all made the effort. It's a two way street. I said basically you want friends like robots. You want us to turn on when you want us and power down in an instant when you are done with us and offer nothing in return. You also cannot be rude to ppl and expect forgiveness when there is really no foundation or trust built. We can say honest things because we know that friend is a friend and is sincere and cares for our best interest. You tend to think blurting out something offensive saying no offensive it's just my opinion and smiling is some how okay. It's just awkward.

So in that particular occassion. 4 years. My friend and I, as well as others. Genuinely tried to make friends or something with this person. Some people just want or view friendship differently. They may find a perfect fit later who is not you. But DAMNIT you tried. With bullying I just want people to reach out.

And if you see someone IN THE PROCESS of being bullied. Get off your ass and intervene.

Believe it or not, confusion is a great tactic.

Say 3 ppl are picking on a kid at lunch in your school. You could approach and interupt. You do not have to get personal. If they pick on you next. Point that out. Like what tools they are that that is all they can do. Bring friends over to help break it up. Honestly when I say confusion is a great weapon I mean it. Make up gibberish and start talking like that. Speak another language the bullies won't know. Anything that will just frustrate them and make them leave. Essentially your goal is to not engage with them, be as annoying as possible and make them leave. Another strategy is to be as agreeable as possible, so sickeningly friendly that they also lose their momentum. Gauge your situation, the energy and see which would work best. They sound absurd but diffusing a situation is far better.

The key is, don't sit by and let someone suffer.

Don't join in. Also guess what. As juicey and fun as gossip seems especially in school. Guess what, it's usually lies and incredibly harmful. If you partake you are an accessory to bullying. Shocking I know.

Learning how stop gossip in it's tracks when you are young is a great life lesson.

Sadly you will run into gossip at all stages of life. So stopping it, ...as best you can. When your young. Can safe a life!

The thing about gossip. If people don't have good dirt on someone, they will make shit up. Movies like Mean Girls and Easy A point this out. I've heard gossip about myself or friends and some is almost laughable how ridiculous it is. But going up to someone and being like hey is it true this that or the other. Or treating them different all of a sudden. As if we also don't hear the whispers.

Gossip is just a form of bullying. So think about it as being an accessory to a crime. It is equally as serious. Like a crime, you have the power to stop it.

So many people talk of the mass shootings, what about the kids who are as young as 8 taking their own lives due to bullying.

I really cannot stress enough, to please, if you see someone being bullied. Help that victim in the moment. Step in, bring back up. Be confusing. Be nice. Be whatever it takes to save a life or lives.

Also it is clear the bullying is caused from something. Usually bullies are being bullied themselves or have some sort of problem.

I remember reading one story of a bully who came unhinged over the smallest thing. Would lie in wait and actually burned another child with scalding hot water. Now that story was a case for mental illness. Which brings me to a situation. If a person is a bully and being bullied by someone else. Like another sibling, a parent, or so forth. That is rough because really not everyone can afford counseling which is what that would require. Next if someone is displaying violence due to a mental illness that too would require counseling, psychiatric and possibly medication down the road. All expensive.

It's not fair that mental healthcare of any kind is a luxury. When no one chooses to have mental health issues. Most insurance companies only allow so many visits. Not nearly enough to scratch the surface of a garden much less the human mind. Plus if medication was involved, that is such an arguous process. Any mental health medication is a huge battle of trial and error and all medications take a while to get into your system. For one to be properly judged for mental health, has to be in your system long enough for you to have had your moods elevated. Essentially were you challenged at all in 6 months time? Did you have a reason to get angry, or be depressed. Anything to trigger mood swings to see how the medication altered your brains reaction.

I mean damn. That is a lot to wait for, and rarely does the first shoe fit.

After working in a local ER. I realized how sad, and how many holes are in our health care system. How long people have to wait to see anyone. How long for a room to become available. How short your treatment is.

At the same turn. When you come across none feeling bullies. The type they tell young kids to kill themselves. That hound them every day and night. Stalk them on any outlet they can find. Because they have nothing better to do then bring one person misery. When do they become accountable?

I do believe some bullies need help to stop the cycle. I also believe some have shown signs that they live a charmed life, are not bullied themselves and show no signs of a mental illness. They have admitted to just being board. *maybe the mental illness is in the path family ;>_>*

Anyway, for those few bullies that qualify. I just wonder if they should be held accountable for say a wrongful death. If the person they taunted or catfished killed themselves.

I often think that because bullying has no consequences that that is why it continues.

That if it had something truly scary to face. Maybe then kids would cut the shit.

We all know, those who have been bullied. That if you talk to an authority figure. Absolutely NOTHING happens. You still get bullied.

ladies. Hahaha isn't that rich?

And what of those rare occasions where those teachers where beaten by students on a gang like scene? What then?

Or in reverse in my situation? Where I was bullied for the majority of my life BY the faculty. Who do I turn to in a school and say, your staff is picking on me?

My last job had a bullying situation.

It was unbelievable to watch unfold. It wasn't even in my department per say. In the employee handbook it said they took bullying seriously. They had a senior staff member who was a out of control bully. She had great work history, but I guess her head got too big. She bullied everyone something awful and they lost countless people due to it. Here's the thing, while she did EVENTUALLY get fired for bullying. It took a while. A lot of new employees where very honest about why they were leaving. Many current employees made it known that all the reasons things never progressed or moral was low was bullying. Apparently this was brought up in staff meetings but went no where. It finally came to a head when they got a new boss on the floor, and a long time employee moved from one department down to that one. I guess her statement was more believable then that of new employees saying I'm leaving because I was bullying.

The thing that bothers me is. A why would a new employee lie? A new employee wants to fit in. They want to do there best. They have to learn the motion of the ocean real quick. They wanted that job. I doubt they wanted to leave that job so quickly. For one it never looks good on a resume. Do you know how defeating it is to be bullied that bad into leaving?

That is why I find it sad they did not listen to the previous statements. I understand that for a bullying case to stick. I guess they needed plenty of evidence. I know they certainly had it.

But in the case of schools. A friend of mine teachers whee toddlers. From babies to 3yr olds. And she has told me how early they start bullying.

Back to my statement on whether it's mental illness, they are being bullied elsewhere or if nothing at all is wrong. Are factors. Because listening to her. She has seen all three that young already and it's like wow if you can catch it that early. Again we could save lives on both sides of the situation.

Sorry random memory lane. Coupled with some random thoughts about current events.

[catty-words]

🐜 Rebecca/Nathaniel, if you're feelin' it.

send me an emoji & a pairing and i’ll write you a short fic? [except please don’t, i’m not writing any more of these] - 🐜 (freaking cause there’s a bug pls deal with it im not touching it)

title: that silly girl, she’s all wound up [1/3]summary: “I posit that in a week’s time, I’ll have you, A, admitting that you still believe in love; and B, begging me to kiss you.”

Nathaniel learns that Rebecca’s a little more deeply wounded by what happened with Josh than she lets on and decides to do something about it.Word Count: 2,300Author’s Note: @bethanyactually has my gratitude forever for both betaing this story and being my friend.This first section is kind of a cross between a chapter and a prologue – next week’s installment is over three times the length, no exaggeration. It also might be the funniest non-crack!fic I’ve written to date, so good things are on the horizon!Who else is looking forward to season 3 with all their might?

(ao3)

~~~

“Bunch, I need you to stay over today.” Nathaniel slaps a couple files down on the counter above Rebecca’s cubicle, knowing it’ll earn him an annoyed huff.

“Why?”

“How about because I’m your boss and I said so?”

She quirks a challenging brow at him. “Just for that, I’m leaving an hour early.”

Though his glare would send a lesser employee into groveling mode, Rebecca meets his eye with fierce determination. They stay locked in a staring competition until Paula clears her throat.

“Actually, I need that Harvard-and-Yale brain of yours on the junkyard dispute,” he explains, shooting a sheepish look in Paula’s direction. “That is, unless you’re not feeling up for it.”

She scoffs. “Oh, please. I’m the most up for it. One might say I’m uppity.”

Paula lets out an amused cough, but Nathaniel decides not to touch that one.

“Great. I’ll see you in the conference room at 6:30 sharp.”

“I’ll be there. With my A game. In fact, I already have a proposal typed up and ready to go.” Rebecca pats a thick, lime green binder that’s sitting on her desk.

He smirks. “So do I.”

“I bet mine’s better.”

“I bet it’s not.”

“Oh, it is so on.”

Again, Paula clears her throat, only this time it’s just to cover her spitting out the word disgusting.

Nathaniel throws her a warning scowl before he walks away. He can’t help glancing back at Rebecca from across the office, though. The binder is open on her desk, and she’s quietly reading her work to herself.

He almost smiles softly, but her head snaps up—probably sensing his eyes on her—and he quickly fixes his features into more of a leer.

She sneers back, flashing him the thumbs up.

When her attention is focused back on her proposal, Nathaniel darts toward his office.

He should probably proofread his work again before their meeting.

~~~

There are a lot of words Nathaniel would use to describe Rebecca Bunch. Buxom. Intense. Pathetic.

But one of his newfound favorites is competitive.

No matter what Miss ‘I Hated the Ivy League Circuit I’m So Glad To Be Keeping It Breezy In So-Cal’ says, it’s in her blood to rise to the challenge. He had discovered this intriguing personality trait during an otherwise uninteresting afternoon at a pre–client-meeting prep session.

“You’re planning to suggest they settle?” Rebecca had asked him incredulously. “That’s terrible practice.”

“Part of being a good lawyer is knowing when to tell your clients their case is a lost cause. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is back down.”

“What, are we in a John Grisham novel? You do remember we primarily practice real estate law, right? The stakes aren’t high enough to merit backing down.”

Nathaniel had rolled his eyes and pushed out of his seat to find a file in the cart by the window.

“Ah!”

Rebecca had appeared at his side in an instant. “What? What’s wrong?” He had pointed wordlessly at the stink bug crawling across the glass and she cocked her head at him. “Are you serious right now?”

“Mock later, kill now.”

“You’re afraid of bugs?”

“A bug,” Nathaniel had clarified. “The brown marmorated stink bug.”

“But they’re essentially harmless,” Rebecca had said. “The only thing they do is smell bad, and that’s only if you kill them.” When he’d squinted quizzically at her, she’d shrugged. “I went through an entomology phase as a kid. It ended when my mother confiscated all the books I got from the library, saying something about how she didn’t go through the agony of childbirth to have me grow up to be a glorified exterminator. But I still learned a lot. Seriously, it’s best to just leave these guys alone.”

He’d shaken his head. “Nope, no, I’m sorry but I can’t trust any insect that’s dressed for battle. It’s shaped like a shield because it’s ready to fight. They’re evil, okay? Evil.”

Rebecca had smiled a dangerous smile then. “You’re really not gonna give this up, are you?”

“What part of evil do you not understand? These things are the Voldemort of the insect world.”

She’d made a funny face at him. “They’re probably more on the Draco Malfoy side of evil. You know, misunderstood…spurred on by societal expectations.”

“So you admit they’re at least a little bit evil,” Nathaniel had said, inching away from the window as the bug crawled higher.

“No, I was just fixing your metaphor.”

“Would you please kill it already?” He had snapped.

“I could…” she’d said, drawing out the o, “or we could have a little fun.” He’d kept his eyes on the stink bug, waiting for her to spit it out. “How about we look it up, and if I’m right, I get to take the lead with the clients. We’re not throwing out that case.”

He’d spared her an annoyed glance. She’d had her arms crossed over her chest and was already wearing a triumphant expression. Not for the first time, he’d noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the way all her smiles were slightly off. He’d felt a pang of worry in his chest.

With an exasperated sigh, he’d said, “If we find out that I’m right, you’re killing this bug.”

She’d held out her hand, ready to close the deal.

Needless to say, Nathaniel had spent the entirety of the meeting silent, watching the stink bug when it was in sight and only half paying attention to Rebecca working over their client.

But—despite the hit he took to his masculinity that day—he considered the incident a success. After all, one of the tricks to being a good manager is knowing what motivates your employees.

It’s not that he has a personal interest in what makes her tick. Not at all.

~~~

“Does salad dressing expire?” Rebecca asks, studying a grimy bottle of French she got out of the company refrigerator.

He snatches it from her. “Don’t you even think about drowning that spring mix in dressing. That wasn’t part of the terms of our Coffee Challenge.”

“Yeah, well, you won on a technicality. So I should be able to bend the rules a little,” she says, reaching across the table to grab the bottle back. He holds it above his head and far out of her reach, and she falls back into her chair, pouting like a child.

“It’s not my fault you got up early to cheat and just happened to go to the same coffee cart I frequent.”

“Okay, but you were there to cheat, too,” she reminded him.

“True, but you still cheated first. So I won, doesn’t matter how,” he says, standing to put the dressing back in the fridge.

She mumbles something under her breath about compromising the integrity of victory, and he smirks at her. The grin only grows more pronounced when she chomps down on a mouthful of lettuce and nearly gags.

“Here comes Whi-Jo,” Nathaniel says, nodding politely as he breezes into the kitchen. “Like clockwork.”

Rebecca actually gags then, theatric and obnoxious, when Darryl leans in for a kiss. “Showoffs.”

“I don’t know,” Nathaniel says. “I think they’re kinda cute.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She drops her fork with a clatter. “Mr. ‘Commitment Is Boring’ thinks that’s cute?”

He steals another glance at the couple, who’re standing so close their foreheads are touching. They’re both wearing bright smiles, and Nathaniel feels a wistful tug in his chest. “It’s not something I want for myself,” he explains, though the words sound a little hollow. “I guess, I don’t know, I like Darryl in the same way you feel compelled to feed stray cats. So it’s nice to see him happy.”

“Whatever,” Rebecca says, stabbing at her salad. “I thought I could at least count on you for relationship bitterness, but you’re totally going soft.”

“I am not,” he says, horrified.

“You are. God, now who am I gonna go to when I want to rant about how disgusting love is?”

“I am not soft,” Nathaniel insists. “And you don’t really believe love is disgusting.”

“I sure do. Being left at the altar during my wedding made me realize some things. For example, love is garbage and so is Josh Chan.”

“Well I won’t argue with the second part.”

She flips him off. “You know what else is garbage? This salad. I’m getting dressing and you can’t stop me.”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t protest.

~~~

“You wanted to see me?” Paula asks, stepping into his office.

“Yeah, close the door behind you.”

She does as she’s told before sitting. “What’s up, boss?”

“I’m worried about Rebecca,” he says, whispering conspiratorially.

“Join the club,” Paula says. “Who isn’t these days?”

Nathaniel frowns. “Obviously her behavior since the wedding’s been erratic, but she said something to me today that really has me troubled.”

Her eyebrows knit together. “What is it?”

He checks to make sure no one’s right outside his office before leaning over his desk. “She said she doesn’t believe in love anymore.”

Paula blinks. “Okay?”

“That doesn’t,” Nathaniel struggles for a moment, trying to put words to the twisted ball of emotion creating the ache in his chest, “…bother you?”

“I think it’s a normal reaction to what she’s been through,” she says, waving away his concern. “Personally, I’ve given up on love for way less. After I had my first kid, Scott and I didn’t touch each other for months, and I convinced myself that love was a farce. Now though, if we happen to get a moment alone once a year, I’m like ‘The hills are alive, magic is real.’ All that junk.”

He sits back in his chair. “First of all, thank you for that bit of oversharing. I’m going to do my best to forget that I know anything about your sex life.”

“You know what, I think that’s better for both of us.”

“Agreed. As for Rebecca, you’re saying she just needs to have a The Hills are Alive moment, and she’ll go back to normal?”

Paula’s expression suddenly turns scrutinizing, and Nathaniel resists the urge to shift in his seat. “Why do you care so much about Rebecca’s personal philosophy on love, anyway?”

“We’re friends,” he says dismissively, turning his attention to his computer and opening his email.

“And?”

He scoffs. “And nothing.”

“Wanna know what I think?”

He opens up a new message and starts typing random words, hoping she’ll get the hint that he’s busy and leave.

It doesn’t work.

“I think you’re in love with her.”

“That is—that’s just.” He falters, clears his throat, and then calmly says, “Ridiculous.”

Paula clucks her tongue. “Not only are you in love with her, but you’ve got it bad. Weren’t you the one who sent for her father, forced him to show up to her wedding? If that doesn’t scream ‘big romantic gesture,’ I don’t know what does.”

Nathaniel turns to her, stern frown on his face. “I don’t think about Rebecca like that; it’d be highly inappropriate.” She hums in acknowledgement, but doesn’t say anything. Her silence compels him to add, “I simply don’t want her to give up on what’s important to her because of that dipshit Chan. I mean, a Rebecca who isn’t a hopeless romantic is as weird as one who isn’t constantly humming show tunes or making bad Harry Potter puns. It’s a part of who she is.”

“Uh-uh.” Paula studies him with a huge grin on her face.

“Shut up,” he grumbles, turning back to his fake email.

When he looks up again, she’s gone, thankfully, but the unsettled feeling in his stomach lingers.

~~~

“Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?” Rebecca asks, poking her head into his office the next morning.

He’s rendered silent for a moment too long, letting his gaze linger on her face despite the mountain of paperwork he needs to read through before noon.

“Dude, did you just fall asleep with your eyes open?” she asks. “You’re freaking me out.”

“What? No, I—sorry. Yeah. We’re trying the new Thai place on East Cameron, right?”

“Yeah, and you promised to pay. You better not forget that part.”

Nathaniel laughs a bit too heartily and then coughs to cover up his embarrassment. “I, uh, I haven’t.”

Rebecca steps into the office then, tilting her head and watching him carefully. “Is everything alright with you?”

He gestures to all the files littering his desk. “Just a little overworked. It makes me giddy.”

“You’re probably the only person on the entire planet with that problem,” she says, but visibly relaxes, accepting that explanation for his weird behavior. “Is there anything I can help you out with? Feel free to say no.”

He smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing work related. I did want to talk to you about something, though.”

She waggles her eyebrows, and the silly gesture makes Nathaniel feel lightheaded. “Sounds ominous.”

“Not really. I’ve been thinking about our next challenge.”

“Oh, good, cause I’ve got nothing,” Rebecca says, plopping down into one of his chairs. “But I think it’s time to step up our game. Take things to the next level before this gets boring.”

“I’m so glad you think so,” Nathaniel says. His heart thunders in his chest, but his smile remains calm and coy.

Rebecca smirks back. “So what’ve you got?”

He stands, walks around to the front of his desk, and perches on the edge, angling himself toward her. Not once does he break eye contact.

“I posit that in a week’s time, I’ll have you, A, admitting that you still believe in love; and B, begging me to kiss you.”

She stares, a deer caught in the headlights. “Wh-what?”

He nods. “You have to resist me for a week—that’s the challenge. If you can do it, I’ll never make a pass at you again. If you can’t, well, I get the satisfaction of being right.”

“Shouldn’t I get to pick what happens if I win?” Rebecca says, jerking up her chin defiantly. Her quickened breath gives away her nerves, though.

“Sure,” Nathaniel agrees easily. “So we have a deal?”

After a second of deliberation, she takes his outstretched hand and gives it a firm shake.

[sindearlyconnormurphy]

Teach Me, Baby [Connor Murphy x Reader]

Title: Teach Me, Baby Pairing: Connor Murphy x Reader Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen Requested: Nah Summary: You’re tutoring Connor Murphy (your friend? Your neighbor? You have no idea who you are to him) at the request of his mother. While working on your Spanish homework, Connor asks if you wouldn’t mind teaching him something else with his lips :) Warnings: Connor has a potty mouth | first person reader A/N: This is my first time writing a DEH drabble. I didnt proof read. I’m taking requests ♡

“You ever think about what it’s like?”

His voice startles me from where I’m scribbling in Spanish on my notebook–Connor had been surprisingly productive up to this point. On most nights when I walked over to his house to work on homework, Connor was sprawled on the bed or the floor or the couch and complaining endlessly until I practically did the assignment for him.

Being his tutor was easier than being a friend, after all. But today, Connor had been oddly silent, asking soft questions every so often under his breath about reflexive endings and vowel additions. He ignored his mother as she passed by the open door every so often, smiling in fondly at what must be a very stock photo scene, declining with a ‘no thanks’ when she asked if they needed anything after looking at me expectantly.

We’re both cross-legged on the blue frayed quilt pressed neatly on his bed, the notes splayed messing between us. The door had been shut in frustration after Cynthia’s third check in, giving Connor enough pause to lean in hyperbole against the door, giving an over exaggerated sigh, pulling on his hoodie and tucking a stray strand of hair back into the bun on the top of his head.

He isn’t looking at me when he asks the question, he’s staring down at his workbook intently. From where I’m sitting, I can see his lips are pursed tightly, cheeks puckered from the effort, as if he wished he hadn’t said the words. I might’ve laughed given any other situation, at the cost of earning an outburst, but he’d been so quiet today I was worried my chuckle might make him feel…well, might put him in a place I didn’t want him to be in.

“What what is like?” I asked absently, making sure to seem nonchalant. I didn’t want to scare him away. Connor having a serious conversation about anything was such a rare occurrence I was terrified I’d discourage him from doing it in the future.

There was a beat of silence, then two, and I’d long since decided he wouldn’t answer at all when he blurts out: “kissing.”

I didn’t look up. My pencil, however, flew out of my hands across the bed, eyes wide where they were glued on my notebook which looked like nothing but white and black tv static at that point.

“Haven’t you kissed anyone before?” I asked, voice thick and terrified. I half prayed Cynthia would check up on us again, stop the conversation in its tracks. The other half was so terrified Connor would fly up from the bed and scream at me to get out and never come back–and I didn’t want that. I wasn’t so sure I was comfortable with this topic of conversation at all.

“Shut up,” he hissed, but it was half-hearted, so I knew he wasn’t upset. Curiosity always won out with Connor Murphy. “No, haven’t exactly had anyone wanting to take me up on offers.”

“I didn’t know you offered,” I joked, daring a smile out of the corner of my eye. He was watching me, I realized, half emboldened by my sudden shyness, but his gaze was soft, the smirk at his mouth playful. He wasn’t making a move, I realized with relief. He was just asking.

“I don’t, really, I guess,” he sighed, pushing the papers out of his lap and into the bag at the foot of the bed.

“Connor–” I scolded. We still had a whole other assignment to do.

“You ever kissed anybody?” He asked so suddenly, his head jerking up to state at me boldly. His stony eyes were wide, almost nervous,  and I watched his adam’s apple dip in the thin column of his throat.

“I, uh, no,” I sputtered, uncomfortably. His dark eyebrows lowered, mouth folding into a thin line.  “Why not?”

I shrugged. “Never, uh, found a guy I liked, I guess.”

He quirked an eyebrow, so I elaborated: “You really gotta trust a guy, you know? Because if it’s with a stranger then it means something and it’s weird, but if you already know the person it’s like 'oh, cool, bye, whatever–’.”

“You’re doing the Evan Hansen ramble,” he said with a wicked smirk on his pretty pink lips. I game a small smile back.

“Boys are weird,” I grumbled, focusing back on my Spanish, suddenly none of it making sense. I didn’t like the way my hair fell on my neck, making me too hot and my shirt suddenly felt too heavy and itchy.

“You okay?”

“Stop asking me weird shit,” I grumbled, folding in on myself around my notebook, shoulders hunched and knees high. Connor laughed–loudly, out of character, readjusting on the bed so that he actually faced me, the torn knees of his black skinny jeans brushing mine.

“’S not weird shit, dumbass,” he said congenially, tapping my leg lovingly with his pencil, before throwing it into his bag. “Aren’t teenagers supposed to be curious?”

“Porn exists,” I reminded him cheekily, watching as his pale face flared red.

“Not the same!” He sputtered, rubbing anxiously at the back of his neck. “It’s not–”

“You would know,” I snorted, flopping back, slightly flustered, against his pillows to hide my reddened cheeks.

“Shut up,” he growled. “And scoot over.” I did as I was told, shuffling to the side and rolling onto my hip to give Connor room to slide up next to me, laying down and glaring at me.

“You’ve never thought about what it feels like?” He asked skeptically, eyebrows raised just slightly. I watched his hands to avoid his intense eye contact, the long thin fingers picking at a frayed quilt square between us.

“Course I have,” I muttered. “We were all fourteen once.”

“And you’re all grown up now, huh?” He teased, kicking me with his sock-clad foot. “You don’t think about boys anymore, huh? I don’t buy it. Don’t think Zoe hasn’t told me about the novels you stuff in your pillow case when you spend the night.”

“Traitor,” I hissed under my breath, feeling my whole face grow red.

Connor was still grinning widely, and it was such a rare sight that I took the moment to trace the crest of the apples of his cheeks, the deep lines around his smile, the cracks in his pink lips where the skin stretched just a bit too far.

“What about that Jake kid?” He asked suddenly, nudging me with his knee.

“Jake?”

“The kid that’s on the debate team? Really fucking obnoxious, always staring at your boobs, has the hair?”

“Josh,” I snorted, stilling laughing at Connor referring to anyone but himself as the guy that 'has the hair.’ “He’s cute, I guess. He just seems kinda skeezy. Like he’d take you to prom to feel you up and then dump you, ya know?”

Connor frowned, eyebrows furrowed and eyes unfocused with their gaze somewhere in the vicinity of my clavicle.

“You don’t like him?”

“Christ, no. I’m too busy to deal with boys, Con, end of story.”

“You wouldn’t even do like, uh, casual shit?”

“No,” I hissed, immediately becoming uncomfortable. “Connor, what’s this about?”

“I don’t know how to kiss a girl,” he sputtered, face red, covering it with his lithe fingers. His black finger nails left crescent shaped indents just above his eyebrows as I reached up to circle his wrists with my fingers, dragging them away.

“I’m asking you, as a friend,” he muttered, laying beneath me. He still wouldn’t meet my gaze, chewing on his lip thoughtfully, before eventually closing his eyes. His hair was fanned out against the baby blue pillow, the soft curls enticing and beautiful.

Connor, who was all angles and edges and frown lines, laying still beneath me, eyes closed serenely, pink lips slightly parted. I eased my hand onto his chest, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his breathing accompanied by his heart jackhammering in his chest.

It was stupid, and I shouldn’t. I trusted Connor, to an extent. Part of me was worried he thought he could woo me like this–take advantage. He was still a man, after all. The other half of me was worried. If I rejected him now or later on, he wouldn’t be okay and I wouldn’t be there to help him put himself back together once he fell apart. I wanted to half make sure he wouldn’t fall for me.

I reminded myself that Connor would probably never, ever be into me.

Connor rarely lied. He was blunt. Candid. It was admirable, if it wasn’t always so rude. I rolled over in the bed just a little more, slotting my knee in between his, brushing my hair back from where it fell in front of my eyes.

“This okay?” I mumbled, shifting closer, using the hand that wasn’t propping me up to scratch soothingly at his chest, the thick cotton of the hoodie soft against my fingertips.

He nodded, eyes still closed. I couldn’t bite back the chuckle bubbling in my throat.

“What’s so fucking funny?” He hissed, beginning to sit up, but I pressed him back down with my hand.

“You’ll kiss me back, right?” I laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. His eyes softened immediately, reaching up to take my hand, surprising me as he intertwined our fingers. Our hands were sweaty. “You’re just laying there like sleeping beauty. I feel like I’m stealing your virtue.”

“You’re funny, kid,” he grumbled, but nonetheless grinned where his lithe hands reached up to take my shoulders in his hands, pulling me back down to the mattress with him.

“You can say no,” he whispered against my ear, surprising me by pressing a kiss to my jaw. “I won’t be, uh, upset or anything.”

“I wanna,” I sighed, feeling him shiver beneath me, bring his knees up to frame my hips.

His hands surprised me as they snaked up my back at lightning speeds, taking my jaw none too gently and tipping it back, forcing me to finally look at him. His expression, unguarded and raw, knocked my breath out of my lungs. I wasn’t used to this Connor. I didn’t know this Connor.

I liked this Connor.

He was rough, yanking me too forcefully up to his lips, his fingers knotting violently into my hair and tugging before slamming his mouth into mine, his nose digging into the apple of my cheek.

He was all teeth, knashing and pressing much too hard, and I tried and nearly failed at smothering a giggle. It wasn’t bad, though it wasn’t necessarily good, it was just too…Connor. Too much of him to take this seriously.

Still, he commanded my presence again by groaning hard into my mouth, snaking a hand down and pressing hard against the small of my back. I tried to mutter 'baby, slow down, slow down’ but it was muffled by his overzealous kissing. He didn’t show any signs of noticing.

By the time he’d finished, I’d wrestled my expression into one of neutral positivity–I would probably be chortling like an idiot all night.

Connor was breathless, his pink lips now red rimmed and swollen from the abuse, a little wet. His eyes were bright, excited as he mumbled a, “Well? Was it good?”

I smiled sweetly, raking a hand through his now tangled hair, leaning down to peck at his lips softly.

“Okay, for a first try,” I conceded with a smile. “Little rough. Not bad.”

His eyes furrowed, lips moving into a frown. “Oh,” was all he said, moving to sit up, pushing me back off his lap. I rolled my eyes.

“It’s nothing a little practice couldn’t fix,” I mumbled, teasing, tracing over the fabric of his jeans. His eyes snapped up.

“Practice?”

I nodded, leaning back onto my elbows before falling down at the foot of the bed, my hair fanned around me. “Do your worst.”