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#like real bad about it bro
july-19th-club · 2 years
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the first time my mother and i ever talked about it was after i tried and more or less failed to attend the calling hours for the mother of a school classmate who’d passed away. it was in ninth grade. and we got into the funeral home and i’d been lucky and never really been in one that i could remember anymore so i had no social script and it didn’t occur to me until we’d left but the thing that was fucking me up the most was the idea that i would have to see and interact with someone i saw every day in normal contexts (gym class, CCD, the bus) in a Grief Context and i didnt know how to be normal with him ever again because there were like, no established ground rules for that that i knew of and at this funeral home i just got. SLAMMED with the most massive and impenetrable wave of nonverbal that i’ve still ever experienced in my life, and i’m in there sweating and shaking and incapable of communicating why i’m being weird when it’s not my relative’s funeral and i basically only knew the woman from church. and mom puts our names in the guest book and gets us back out to the car pretty quickly and once i’ve come down a bit from the Edge Of Meltdown she’s like so i’d been meaning to talk to you about this at some point but it seems relevant now i have suspected for many years that you might be autistic. and at the time it was such a relief to have somebody else say it that i was like oh wow thank god i’m not insane for also thinking that. but in retrospect i’ve always been like, fuck, and you just didn’t mention it? nice nice nice that’s cool that hasn’t affected me you’re good you’re good what the fuck
anyway after that we sought out NO psychologists and did NO accommodations and it was only ever talked about between us as A Thing You And I Both Know but it never factored into all the things i still needed and just about every work-around i have is still something i had to develop myself
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mxfrodo · 6 months
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y'all for fucking real. don't fucking write slave fics or x reader fics of aventurine's slavery??? are you guys out of your goddamn minds???
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dirtytransmasc · 7 months
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Spider better be allowed to connect with Eywa next movie for the sole reason that I need to see him sit with Neteyam in the spirit world. I need to see him hug his baby brother and tell him he loves him. it's literally causing me physical pain.
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taffy-glitch · 1 month
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rewatching fantasy high (freshman year) and tbh i don't think i appreciated kristen applebees enough as a character when i originally watched it years ago. like i kinda get the feeling that her arc was meant to be more drawn out but got speedrun by her literally dying and meeting god in the first two episodes and getting SLAMMED into that crisis of faith head-first, and it honestly makes her into both a VERY FUN character to watch and a fascinating one
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ik it’s probably a classic case of extrapolating way too much but... the way raph’s character design lines up w his whole arc and role and struggles...
like the fact that he is so so so much bigger than the others. raph is big, raph is strong, raph is steady and sturdy and he can literally pick up his entire family and carry them all at once. 
and like, when raph is so big and so strong and such a reliable thing. when raph is the protector, the one calling the shots on missions, the mother hen, the first point of authority. when raph is there, overprotective, when raph (for all that his brothers poke at him not being good under pressure) always always ALWAYS comes through at the end of the day when things are serious, ALWAYS gives it everything he’s got. 
his design and his learned role/behaviors in this family are just the perfect storm of why it took up to the season finale to drive home the issue.
so much of the series carries the default energy of “raph will handle it.”
raph will hold up the ceiling above you. raph will throw himself over you and take a hit and get back up and keep fighting. raph has a power that makes him even bigger and draws more attention and makes him able to carry MORE. raph will be the substitute parent. raph will be put into the mentor role through leo’s leadership arc. 
and raph is big. he’s built to carry heavy loads. raph is strong. raph is bold and loud and always ready to try to push on. even if he doesn’t know what to do or what he’s doing, he won’t give up and we’ll all pull together and things will turn out okay.
(his room is full of teddy bears. he dipped out on a mission to try to take a picture of a pigeon carrying a slice of pizza. he’s terrified of being alone.
he’s just as much of a kid as his brothers are. he’s just as new and inexperienced with the things happening to them as his brothers are. but for him, for some reason, there’s like this double standard where that becomes a huge glaring flaw.)
idk this got very sloppy and uncoordinated. i’m very in my feelings about raph right now though.
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quackkaz · 10 months
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Roman : *swirling chocolate milk in a wine glass* I’m just… over it, you know?
Remus : *chugging fire whiskey out of a baby bottle* Agreed.
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dont-offend-the-bees · 4 months
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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Dissociation culture is "sad all day long, lives miserable and- Oh! My moot replied to my post!"
(Distracts for one second while responding)
Brain: haha! Sad memories privilege
REVOKED >:3
(now the issue will never be resolved or processed, yay!)
.
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cozylittleartblog · 8 months
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Just wanted to mention this to someone who does art and get their opinion on it:
Sometimes I see some artists do redraws of their old artworks or characters and think "Wow, uh... their older art looks better." Sometimes it's only mildly better, but other times it's vastly better. Like the Upgrade, Go Back! meme.
I understand that art skills are supposed to develop and change, hopefully for the better, but sometimes it just feels like they got... worse? Somehow? Idk. Maybe it's because they were copying another artist's style while finding their own, and it's their own style that doesn't vibe with me? Just curious what your thoughts are about this.
Also, your art has consistently been great, so this isn't directed at you.
I do see this on occasion yeah! usually (in my experience anyway) its because people take a sharp turn towards a stylization that either isn't to your or most people's tastes, or that they don't understand or are still developing. switching up how you stylize your art is like starting over in a sense, you're changing from what you have practice with and that's always going to cause you to revert some as you have to re-learn things you understood in your previous style. i had a pretty big style shift in 2014 when i took up the basis for how my art looks now, and i remember feeling like some of the stuff i was drawing might have looked better if i was using my older style instead. that's something artists just have to push through and figure out, and they'll likely come out of it a better artist than they were before. constructive critiques are a good way for them to figure out why their art might not be as "good" as it used to be, if they're open for those.
art is not always a linear journey, and i would also say things like passion and motivation have a part in it too. feeling inspired sparks you to make something the best it can be, if you're not feeling it (and esp if that feeling lasts for a long time) it'll leave you making decisions you otherwise would not have let fly, and that can result in worse art. and some of it is just personal preference! it's not that their art is better or worse, it's just different now, and maybe that doesn't vibe with you the same way their old stuff did. and that's fine 👍
(thank you! :3 i admittedly struggle a bit with Not Feeling It sometimes like i just described, so it's nice to know people still enjoy what i make when that feeling hits.)
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loverboybitch · 10 months
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Tumblr media Tumblr media
upcoming Shine Luxury Studios pants by designer @/samiseck on instagram.//.
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13eyond13 · 2 months
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actually stunned by how gay The Beatles has been all this time and I just never knew
#like its always just been there in my life but i just never paid attention#my university roomie was obsessed w them and had several beatles posters that i looked at every day#so stuff like the pictures of them from the let it be album are like engrained into my brain#and yet i never knew the lore??#nor did i know until recently that they were actually all high school buds nor did i know they wrote their own music#nor that they genuinely basically invented modern bands n using the studio the way they did etc. so all that was very impressive and cool#but THEN on top of that omg the angsty gayness of john and paul#like all i knew previously basically was that john was a thing w yoko ono and paul had a young wife recently#i had at one point heard of people shipping j&p together and was just kinda like wow i guess people will ship anything#I DIDNT KNOW#that they were actually like that cute and that insane together and that their song writing together was like an actual marriage#anywayz the old pictures and videos of them are just like jesus look how they look at each other i dont think it was just being bros#i am sort of in the camp of they prob didn't act on it for real but there was def some insane tension/chemistry going on#and then ofc once youre aware of this their songs take on so many possible meanings outside of just singing about their gfs and wives....#anyways i just have to vent about this somewhere bc im actually shocked at how this has just passed me by all these years#and it definitely was not on my bingo card for 2024 to fixate on the beatles but here we are lol#more proof to me that my ultimate fave trope or wtv is 'besties to enemies when really they actually probably wanted to be lovers'#gets me every time!!!!#whats been fun about this rabbit hole is how just every single one of my expectations has been reversed as well#i went in assuming i would like them best in this order:#(1) george (2) ringo (3) paul and (4) john#i was sure i would hate john i thought he sounded so pretentious and like such a douche#but no actually he is my fave one and it's literally in reverse order for me i find george my least fave#(i like his music and feel bad for how he got ignored in the band but i like him the least)#and then i literally am john paul ringo george in order of faves now#i just love when i get surprised like that idk it keeps me on my toes and keeps things exciting and fresh#and yes john is indeed pretentious and a douche but i didn't know he was also funny and vulnerable and that i like his voice and songs#the most in the bunch almost every time as well#the beatles#p
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carltonlassie · 2 months
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So I'm on a Greyhound (already a bad start) and I had to give my witness statement to COPS in the middle of the journey and I was a bit shaken about the whole thing but now I feel more normal and I'm more occupied with directing my energy towards not peeing my pants, so there's a good thing
#when i got on the bus the driver gave a warning towards a guy sitting in front of me for behaving inappropriately towards a lady#but some guys in the back defended the dude so the driver walked away....#and another girl got on and sat next to him (bad sign)#and it was already sussy when he introduced himself & got her name but things went south so fast#when he put his laptop on her lap and started watching a movie. she begrudgingly agreed bc what is she gonna do? make a scene?#but then he started leaning on her shoulder!!!!! and after a while he had his arms around her and shit#and she tried to give the laptop back to him and pulled out a book to push him off but then.#he just. leaned on her shoulder and pretended to sleep n shit and she was getting real uncomfortable#about an hour in we're at a rest stop and i see her talking to the driver so i think whew at least shes telling him about it#but she just walks away with all of her luggage? so i talk to the driver to ask if shes ok and he has no idea what im talking abt#and im like whoa yeah the dude u were talking to before was behaving inappropriately to her#and hes like oh man and he drives up to her to pick her back up while he goes to get the bus maintained#and like ... 30 minutes later he comes back but hes not letting anyone in and he calls me over to tell me that shes p shaken up about it#and he called the COPS and her sister is coming to pick her up#so now i gotta give a witness statement when the cops come but at this point everyone on the bus knows im the snitch and now#im worried abt the guys who defended him before bc theyre still gonna be on the bus and behind me!!#but i talk to the cops. give my statement. she cant press any charges or anything but they will remove the dude from the bus which is great#bc the dude has been yelling at other women for being a snitch and a cop presumably for the previous incident??#but then i get on the bus and all eyes are on me and the dudes behind me start hollering at me and im like shit#but then theyre like you did a good thing. he was being creepy. leaning on her and lying down on her#and im like bro. and yall defended him??? 😭 also nobody did nothing?????#and im like aight can i go home now tnx#but thankfully there's this old guy who sat separate from his wife next to me and i felt a bit more secure w/ a human shield#anyways the whole thing just left me kinda shaky but that could have been the low blood sugar?#log
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Day 2,569,364 of being called evil for liking Dottore, and having my favourite character be slandered because some are too big of pussies to just say “I don’t like the character” like normal people
#I saw several people accuse Dottore of being a rapist today. yep. it’s gotten that bad#“a heretic who has no regard for those who aren’t of used to him? well he must like diddling kids!” PLEASE TOUCH GRASS#tw sa mention#tw pedophila mention#like#this is gonna sound so mentally ill but I am mentally ill so bear with me#I am so attached to Dottore#this character just existing has taught me so much about myself and made me so much more comfortable with who I am#he’s a major comfort character for me y’know?#I am not joking when I say that I adore these pixels formed into the shape of a very attractive man#like—thinking about him has calmed me down from anxiety/panic attacks kind of comfort#so seeing people just being so. dumb. it hurts on a whole other level#I really wish people online would gain the balls to say “I don’t like [this character]” instead of making everything a moral issue#just say you don’t like villains. ‘cuz good for you#but then they’d have to explain why they like Arlecchino and Raiden (who are both very much villains just with softer sides)#and they’re too ashamed to admit they just think evil women are hot#bro#these people make me so frustrated#why can’t they just act like normal humans instead of harassing and attacking others for liking a fictional character?#shout out to that Hu Tao main who sexually harassed me for liking Dottore btw I hope you’re going to therapy for your obvious issues#UGH#vent#Dottore my beloved#thanks for reading all these tags btw#I’m gonna go look at pictures of Dottore and imagine a world where this fandom has more people with critical thinking skills than not#(Dottore’s emphasis on others needing shrewdness [common sense] is so real)
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ruff-puppy · 3 months
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Not to be dramatic but I didn't realize how good we had it before ai took over... I used to hate the ok google thing my phone would do and they recently changed it to ai 😐 i am not an angry person irl I swear u can ask @b1gradw0lf I'm literally a soft little puppi but y'all I WAS SCREAMING AT THIS DAMN THING IN MY CAR TODAY I WAS SO MAD. BRING OK GOOGLE BACK
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ableedingpromise · 2 months
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God I'm so fucking annoyed how come she gets to treat me however she likes and then gets to say she didn't mean it?????
#have u considered not constantly comparing me to ur abusive husband who hit u??????#since i was like 8 its really fucking weird#like who in their right mind tells their child theyre naturally destructive just like their father and then says ohhhhh but i didnt mean it#are u fucking insane#doesnt help that i look like him too everyone tells me that#and now she acts like me raising my voice once means she needs to walk on eggshells around me wtf#what about how u treated me from ages 13-16#freak#i cant believe this shes treating me like im some scary stranger as if shes not the one with full financial control and that im this horribl#person go kill yourself omgjdjsjsjwjwwhwhhw#fuck u#last year was the worst year of my life and that was wholy bc of u you showed me what place i really have in this family and that it was not#hing. how is sveryrone so ready to throw me away??#yet everyone else gets to say shes sooo proetctive and loving fuck off you wouldnt even tell them youre treating me badly diedie diediediedi#i want to cut so bad bro#but i promised myself i wont so#i mean i dont even have any way of gettibg blades so whatver#just remembered her reaction to me cutting#nothing. yeah absolutely no reaction. i thought the worat thing that could happen was her gettjbg mad at me again but no#i realised there was somwthing worse. she just straight up doesnt care#useless mother#im fine w u treating me like shit ive accepeted it that i have no place in anyone's life unlesss i hive into this but at least#at least stop trying to confront me like this#just let me rot in peace#i really dont want to do this anymore#any time now she'll ask me if i was pretending to cry so i wpuldnt have to go out w her now#as if that isnt insulting#and then she'll say i wasnt trying to be rude!!! as if she hasnt always treated me like none of my feelings r real. i only ever overeact. ok
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raddestrose · 2 months
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So what if he killed people?
He’s innocent on the grounds of I said so
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