#but also i am ABLE to do that. so i feel like i shouldnt bitch about how hard it was like what if i had never even been able to mask

[july-19th-club]

the first time my mother and i ever talked about it was after i tried and more or less failed to attend the calling hours for the mother of a school classmate who’d passed away. it was in ninth grade. and we got into the funeral home and i’d been lucky and never really been in one that i could remember anymore so i had no social script and it didn’t occur to me until we’d left but the thing that was fucking me up the most was the idea that i would have to see and interact with someone i saw every day in normal contexts (gym class, CCD, the bus) in a Grief Context and i didnt know how to be normal with him ever again because there were like, no established ground rules for that that i knew of and at this funeral home i just got. SLAMMED with the most massive and impenetrable wave of nonverbal that i’ve still ever experienced in my life, and i’m in there sweating and shaking and incapable of communicating why i’m being weird when it’s not my relative’s funeral and i basically only knew the woman from church. and mom puts our names in the guest book and gets us back out to the car pretty quickly and once i’ve come down a bit from the Edge Of Meltdown she’s like so i’d been meaning to talk to you about this at some point but it seems relevant now i have suspected for many years that you might be autistic. and at the time it was such a relief to have somebody else say it that i was like oh wow thank god i’m not insane for also thinking that. but in retrospect i’ve always been like, fuck, and you just didn’t mention it? nice nice nice that’s cool that hasn’t affected me you’re good you’re good what the fuck

anyway after that we sought out NO psychologists and did NO accommodations and it was only ever talked about between us as A Thing You And I Both Know but it never factored into all the things i still needed and just about every work-around i have is still something i had to develop myself

[foileadeux]

CURIOUS- What is your process when making your animatics? And what do you use your individual programs for most? (Ei: csp for art and moment / vegas for effects or somn)

Also, I recently got csp ex for animatic/animation stuff myself- You have any tips for how to make big projects alike yer animatics/tions ?

SO. umm. if im being good and professional i'll do the smart thing and do thumbnails for my animatics to outline the gist of what i want. but uhh if im being honest i only did that for lavender town of which you can watch the wip of here! (for some reason i also animated a little bit within these thumbnails which you shouldnt really do but whatever)

but for the rest of my animatics ive thumbnailed in my brain which is very bad and i advise against it. bc i can remember a few times in toba the tura, my heart still beats and mama where im just sitting there like. uhh. what next HAHA so its just good to draw out smthn beforehand or plan ahead even if its messy!!! my only saving grace is how fast i am at drawing so im able to make up for this LMAOO dont be like me for each of my animatics i make one Big csp file (and a backup) which stores all the frames for that animatic (its usually just titled "a" or smthn i am very uncreative) these bitches get huge. So many layers. theres around 600 layers for lavender town alone. if i were smarter id split these files up so it didnt take ages to load and save but alas i am not. But this is where i do my frame by frame animation basically, i just lower the opacity of a frame and draw over it (onion skinning is the term for this iirc), usually i draw key frames of movement and then just inbetween them so they look a little smoother (e.g: a head turning to the side, id draw the back and then the side profile, and then draw the inbetweens of that motion) , im fond of the choppy lower fps look so thats what i go for! i definitely do not set out for super ultra smooth animation or id be collapsed on the floor rn i think as for editing with sony vegas pro, i import all the frames from csp and use "track motion" and "pan/crop" to tween stuff! (like... make it go from left to right, move the camera around yknow) which is a huge crutch for me Especially in toba the tura, i did very little frame by frame animation for that one LMAOO (not shitting on tweening u can do some really fuckin fun shit with it, like that shot of pk stabbing the lance sentry in toba the tura) i do overall prefer the look of frame by frame but i use a hybrid of the two!! theyre both super cool, complicated and fun in their own ways tbh.

heres some extra stuff, the fucked up looking timeline of my mama animatic and a look at some of the raw frames (hair lego pieces)

funniest part of my Animation process is wanting the hair and body to be paced differently so i have to slot the hair in like its a fuckin lego piece on a different layer. this truly was the hell of the mama animatic. theres also just an entire layer dedicated to mouths for lip syncing. very funny anyways thats about it, i hope this has been enlightening!! if you have any like super specific specific questions feel free to dm me! i dont have too much experience animating using an art program's animation features specifically tho, so i can't speak to those! i compile and pace all the frames on a timeline in sony vegas pro basically so csp is just for drawing each frame out for me!

[orbees]

bitching about sleep apnea

ive rly been having trouble keeping up w/ my pap therapy as of late, mostly cause its been so humid and wearing it is sooo uncomfortable when its hot like this =___=

and idk ive just been frustrated. like. its such a thing cause when i do use it my cpap rly does help me and i Feel better for using it but also the maintenance is neverending and u just get So tired of it u know. and sometimes it just feels like a Ball and Chain u know like. ill never be able to Go anywhere overnight w/o it, and that takes a lot of the Spontaneity out of life. i always have to plan in advance to bring this bulky ass machine.

cant just Fall asleep without ruining everything for myself the next day, random naps can rly fuck me up, and idk like. all things considered i know im really fortunate like having sleep apnea as bad as i do, i am VERY lucky that pap therapy is as effective for me as it is, and i shouldnt complain but idk. tfw the disabling condition is disabling.

[inutaffy]

“you’ve always been jealous of me!”

“maybe that’s bc you were always splinters favorite!”

“raph. i love you bro.”

DO YOU SEE. DO YOU SEE. THE DUCKCIJF SHIFT IN TBEIR EXPRESSIONS MAN TBE FJCKFGMOFYHEFNEN GHE WAY. THATS HIS BROTHER MAN THATS HIS FUCKFJFG. OUGH. I HATE THIS STUPID SHOW WHAG THE ACTUAL FUCK. THE. THE. “JEALOUS?!” SO MUCH OF HIS EMOTIONS TRANSLATE TO ANGER OR JEALOUSY TOWARDS OTHERS AND IT DRIVES ME FUCKINF CRAZY. MAYBE IT WAS AT FIRST (aka beginning of s1) BUT IT ISNT NOW AND THATS FHE WHOLE POINT THAGS THE WHOLE DUCKIJF POINT. HE ISNT JUST JEALOUS AND AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES BRO IS JUST 16 AND WATCHING HIS WHOLE PLANET GET DESTROYED. BRO IS 16 WATCHING HIS FATHER MURDERED IN FRONT OF HIM. BRO IS 16 AND WATCHING WHILE HIS OLDER BROTHER BASICALLY BECOMES AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON RIGHT BEFORE HIS FUCKING EYES, PICKING UP EVERY BURDEN EVER AND JUST SOLDIERING ON LIKE THIS IS SO FUCKIJF AWFUL.

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

ANYWAYS.

SO YEAH MAYBE HE DOES WISH HE WAS LEADER IF ONLY SO IT MEANT LEO DIDNT HAVE TO BE. IF ONLY SO LEO COULD BE LEO FOR A MINUTE BC YOU KNOW WHAG RAPH IS???? RAPH IS GUILTY. RAPH FEELS SO FUCKING GUILTY ALL THE DUCKIJF TIME AND I DOMT HAVE THE ABILITY TO GO INTO THAT RIGHT NOW SO YOURE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST ME. TRUST ME ON TBIS I AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS. I CANT DUCKIJG STAND FBIS SHOW.

AND TBH I DONT BLAME RAPH. LIKE IF MYYYYY OLDER BROTHER GOT PROMOTED ONE DAY AND STARTED TRYING TO PULL RANK ON ME I WOULD BE A BITCH ABOUT IT TOO. THE FUCK. MAKE ME ASSHOLE. YEAH. BUT ALSO. AS THE ELDEST DAUGHTER. AND JUST YK. AS ME. I AM ME. ANOTHER THING IS THAT LEO IS JUST. IMPRESSIONABLE? A LITTLE BIT? ESP IN THE EARLY SEASONS. WHICH MAN I CAN RELATE TO. BITCH FIXATED ON A TV SHOW AND MADE IT HIS WHOLE PERSONALITY WHICH I LOVE FOR HIM BUT GOTDAMN. LEO LITERALLY GOES INTO BATTLE IN S1 QUOTING HIS SPACE HEROES SHOW AND MAKING STUPID ONE LINERS AND TRYING TO BE ALL HEROIC BUT IT JUST COMES OFF AS DORKY AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IT MAKES ME SAD. HE’S FOLLOWING EXAMPLES AND HE WANTS TO IMPRESS AND HE WANTS TO DO GOOD OK HE WANTS TO GET A GOOD GRADE IN CHILD WHICH IS NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIVE LIKE LEO IDEALIZES SPLINTER THAT IS HIS DAD MAN HE STRIVES FOR HIS APPROVAL. I DONT CARE WHAT MY DAD HAS TO SAY MOST OF THE TIME BUT FAVING HIS DISSAPOINEMENT???? FUCKINF AWFUL.

AND THEN THE DUCKING KRAANG HAPPEN AND SPLINTER TELLS HIM TO PREPARE FOR LOSSES. PREPARE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. AND HE REALIZES OH SHIT IS FR. UHM. OKAY. SO MAYBE THIS LEADING ISNT ALL I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. AND HE EXPRESSES THIS. MULTIPLE TIMES. THROUGHOUT THE FIRST AND SEVOND SEASON. AND THEN BE JUST STOPS. BRINING IT UP ALL TOGETHER. HE JUST STOPS. LIKE. DUDE. DUDE. HE WANTED TO BE LEADER SO BAD AT FIRST AND THEN THE HORRORS CAME FOR HIM. HE WAS NOT READY. NOW DONT GET ME WRONG, LEOS IN GENERAL ARE FUCKIJG CRAZY MAN THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT, LEO IS FULLY CAPABLE OF BEING THE LEADER HE JUST. HE WASNT FUCKING READY YET MAN. HE WAS 15. IM GONNA FUCKINF CRY.

NOT TO MENTION. IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT. HE’S KINDA ELEVATED TO THIS PEDESTAL AND NOW HE’S DUCKINF STUCK THERE MAN. LEO KEEPS TRYING TO BE THEIR LEADER AND TO HIM, THAT MEANS HE HAS TO DO IT ALONE. HE’S THE LEADER. YES HE KNOWS THAT HIS BROTHERS WILL BE THERE FOR HIM HE KNOWS THAT HE ISNT ALONE BUT THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY HE IS THEIR LEADER AND HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO STAND ON HIS OWN AND THAT MENTALITY BLEEDS INTO EVERYTHING ELSE AND RAPH (and the others tbh. fuckijg everyone) JUST WANT THEIR FUCKING DORKY CRINGEFAIL LOSER BIG BROTHER BACK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

[forestryfae]

getting really fucking sick and tired of the ONE SINGLE laundrybasket we have here that we can use for clean clothes i fucking missing. again. cus some fucker took it and either just didnt put it back cus theyre fucking lazy, or they still havent put their clothes away and its in their room, or theyre using it to stash their shit in it for some fucking reason. because the only laundrybasket we have is the perfect place to dump your bag thats been on the floor along with other shit that doesnt belong in a basket thats supposed to be clean and also not in the fucking livingroom

like i wish it wasnt a big deal but when things arent in the places theyre supposed to be in cus someone feels like "everyone can use this thing that has a commonly known specific useage for its purpose" means "this is public property therefore i can take it and use it for whatever i want whenever i want, if its presented as a problem i simply will not connect the dots and i will continue to use this for the wrong purpose at teh detriment to other people who want to use it for its actual purpose" and it keeps fucking. happening.

last time it was missing i needed it AT THAT MOMENT and i wound up having to tell the last person whod used it to put it back, which they did do. TWO days later. ive seen it in the livingroom and other places filled w all kinds of stuf that isnt clothes. peoples bags that have been ON THE FLOOR are NOT supposed to go in the ONE clean laundrybasket we have?????? what the fuck?????????????

and like it shouldnt be something that infuriates me to the point of wanting to scream someones head off or rippin the basket out of their hands or even something that makes me cry or start to spiral after ive calmed down a little but its so fucking infuriating. its so unneccessary and selfish, we have one basket and its being hogged by like one or two people and its not in the place its meant to be in and we have to request it because they just. arent putting it back and they see no problem with this and i cant even complain or im a bitch who gets mad over nothing and also why am i complaining? it doesnt even matter its a stupid thing to be annoyed by and this is a me problem only and i need to not be such a bitch

like. i should be able to say "i dont think its okay that youre hogging everyones basket and not even using it for what its meant to be used for, its not supposed to have stuff in it that isnt clean clothes since people need it FOR their clean clothes" and not feel like im about to shut down and mocked and made fun of and told im always angry over nothing or feeling like i cant bring it up without having to prepare myself for backlash and being treated like shit by everyone cus none likes me anymore because i said i dont want a dumb fucking basket to be in the wrong place and used for the wrong thing.

and like the people here are actually really nice and they dont hate me, so its not like theyre doing it to be mean to me either. they just straight up didnt think someone else would use it which i still think is dumb cus its. a laundry basket. used for laundry. it needs to be in the right place. so people can use it when they need it instead of having to get annoyed cus someone just didnt consider that other people actually need it and now its missing and they have to look for it again and last time they needed it it wasnt there either. like theyre not being dicks on purpose theyre not awfuyl people who hate me but its still really fucking scary cus what if they DO start hating me or thinking im an angry unreasonable bitch and never wanting to talk to me again because of this.

like im supposed to be in therapy for this shit and we dont even have a psychologist here and i cant even talk to anyone about shit like this either without feeling im gonna get mocked or told im a shit person. like. im supposed to talk to my primary here when shits bad but shes not working every single day all the time. who else do i talk to then. noones told me thats something i can do and it doesnt work with every person who works here and if im already feeling like shit when i need to talk to someone and they say "yeah no talk to your primary" like??? shes not working for the next three days and you want me to stew in my room feeling like shit and missing out on work over one thing???

like. i really need someone to actually care about me for once. i need someone to say im actually allowed to be upset or have needs that are different from the norm and that needs consideration and actually. have whatever is wrong with me be the primary focus for once. yes it sucks that i missed work but i had shit going on in my head and didnt feel like i was worth enough to be alive around other people or i got treated like an incompetent three year old and i was pissed for days afterwards and could not physically calm down or stop crying but it sucks mroe for the people i work with cus i didnt call and tell them i couldnt go to work? do they not know how shameful it is to call and say "hey i cant go to work today or i might bite someones head off or cry the whole day or both"? literally never ever is anyone going to understand that and im gonna be a bitch and an asshole and im also a really shitty awful egoistical selfish asshole with no concept of emotional maturity who thinks the world revolves around them and is too stupid to ignore any feelings i have or put them aside long enough to prioritize cus im too stupid to understand that my emotions just dont matter. feelings and emotions are never important and im a bad person for struggling with all of this. like do people think im just. being lazy. im literally not going to work because i dont want to bite someones head off and i dont know how to fix anything if i do wind up doing that. im literally doing the only thing that works.

idk i just really wish there was a guarantee that people wouldnt hate me for. having feelings or having certain needs. and that if they did it meant it was just a compability issue or a them issue instead of it making me the worst person in the world

[lisalanderrr]

I wish i could drop out, this is my first year at collage but i am already hating it. Studying for the sake of my parents. Dumbest thing ever. Also its not like a great school, or a major that i want. I would prefer working as a server for 4 years instead of going uni tbh. Not that i am seeing being a server is something like low or anything. It makes money. It dosnt waste my time like these stupid classes, i am not even social so uni is not worth for me. But why cant i just drop? Idk i feel like a such an dissapointment at the moment. Getting shamed from family doesnt help. Iwould rather work and study on improving my art. I hate this, i hate wasting my time that i dont care, i hate that i have to satisfy my family, and caring so much about what people think. It just not for me. I can wait to get out of family house, but i also feel bad leaving them. Living in a third world country makes you feel like this. I wish i could live a life like my pears around the world. Ok i sound like i complain a lot but its true. Its deprressing living like this, especially when you see people on internet living their life, its hard to not compare.not being able to afford anything, even tho you work, you will make 10$ for a whole day. Yeeyy, working for 2 months just to afford and iphone 11. What about food? Rent? Going out? No, these are luxury for us. Thats why i gotta work hard. Leave this country. Hopeless youth. Thats what i am. This is so loser shit omfg but i cant hellppppp pls. I hate even writing these it sounds pethatic. What i am rrying to say is I HATE SCHOOL, THE SYTSEM, WHOLE THING ABOUT EDUATION SYSTHEM. WHY IT COMSUME SO MUCH TIME? GOD THINGS I WOULD DO TO WORK AS AN WAITER IN US. OR ANYTHING.I WANNA LEAVE THIS FUCKED UP PLACE BEHIND BUT I KNOOOW I KNOW, anyways,I wanted to go US for work and travel but ofc i couldnt, its so expensive. 5k$??! I mean who can pick out 5k from their ass its expensive for everybody but its impossible for me. But i am sick and tired of waiting for miracle to happen. No one gonna save you girl. Like kali uchi said “ if you need a herooo, JuSt loOk in tHe mirrOrrrr” this so cheese but it is what it is. Save yourself girl. I am not badass boss bitch actully. I wish i was. But i feel like one the more i age. I am not that insecure the way i was when i was in highschool.I shouldnt feel shame for feeling theese.i feel bad talking like this tho.i am complaining about my life but my parents didnt have anything either. Worked for their entire life, no vacation, no trip, no resting, all for living like this. This feeling is so heavy on my shoulders, i have to make eneough money so i can make them live. I have to take care of them. Seeing them getting old kills me. So i feel like i gotta hurry up and find something and make money. idk why i am writing this, i just need to talk but there isnt anybody that i can talk about this topic so i rant on my tumblr. Plss i need a friend so badd. will delete this but no one sees it anyways so itdoesnt matter. Getting into this depression hole is pretty easy and get caught up with it, i am not an optimist person, but i have to try atleast, fake it until make it. These are my thoughts, just wrote what came to my mind, jumped one topic to other

[thesolotomyhan]

joining the dea and javier peña falling for you would include

a/n: first javier request and my soft clown ass did her best to bring this request justice for you corazoncitos,, wow anyways pls love me either way if this is actual garbage

taglist: @fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @umvirgo @redhairedace

let me know if you want to be tagged!

ok so when i thought about this- my mind went straight to a slow b u r n relationship :))

because all i can think about is him not even realizing the moment where you- the very person hes been trying to avoid since day one- holds his entire heart in your hands

like him coming to the point where he notices hes so deep in love with you the very second he stared at you a little longer than usual,,

 not paying attention to what you said even though he was staring straight at your lips- 

and hes just over here like “fuck me,, this cant be happening-”

i laugh because i know he would start to get all nervous around you,, 

his tie feeling like its choking him when he tries to talk to you, becoming tongue tied,, when he had literally zero problems before talking with you- 

his palms sweating and getting so frustrated with himself,, especially when he looks over at you when you laugh at something steve or horacio said to you-

just wanting you to be laughing at something he said instead-

just the literal exact opposite feelings hes been trying to push away and convince himself he doesnt have has him beyond done with himself at this point because he knows theres no way out of this-

because?? since when the fuck ever did the javier pena start getting nervous around trying to talk to a woman and much less the person that hes supposed to be working with,, thats what pisses him off- 

and i would imagine him having this closed off connection with you since the first step you took in the office

because i have this thought in my head where javier wouldnt have liked the news of you joining the dea in colombia when he first heard about it

bc theres already so much stress going on from trying to catch escobar,,

and hes not about to have to train and catch your rookie ass up to them ya feel?

but woW does he realize he has it all fucking backwards about you when steve introduces you to javi when you get there-

like im not going to lie,, i can feel it in my bones that javier wouldnt really care when both you and steve are standing in front of him

i can just imagine him just glancing up,, looking you over once and just brushing you off,,

just giving you a short hello with like a forced smile and getting up,, grazing past you two-

and steves over here rolling his eyes like “dont listen to him, he can be an asshole,, but youll get used to it-”

i dont know- i get the feeling that you and steve would get along well since the start,, like the two of you becoming best friends:)

because he knows what its like to be in a different country and even more, what its like to be the rookie

so hes just having you always stick with him all the time,, being dea buddies :)) wow

but also having a good relationship with carrillo because i just know he would see something in you-

youre not the one to be a goody-two shoes like steve in the beginning and just by hanging around with you for 5 minutes,, he already loves you and is always with you on missions,,

like you becoming one of the people he trusts the most in the group :)

just- you befriending the whole office to the point everyone would come to you for literally anything-

i laugh imagining javiers amargado ass always being annoyed af by that,, because weve seen this man stress tf over escobar and bernas bs hes always pulling-

and hes just trying to be serious for once and not have this whole case drag on any longer than it has to the point where people dont come to him anymore- 

but listen- i can see you having this attitude with him all the time,, like challenging him everytime you interact with him,,

literally not giving 2 shits if he listens to you,, just getting under his skin and steves over here already on your side no matter what-

i cant-  imagining him giving you an attitude back,, pushing you away and sending you with murphy but

 :(( even tho he wont ever admit it then,, :( he lives for bantering with you because those would come to be the highlights of his day :((

like in those moments he slowly starts to realize unconsciously he doesnt hate you at all,, he just doesnt know how to handle these feelings he has for you because he gives me vibes of him never settling down-

but here he fucking is,, not even noticing that hes constantly looking at you,, sitting up straight when he sees you start to walk over to him :(

or like him muttering to himself,, trying to convince his mind that he doesnt and shouldnt see you in a romantic way-

but he just can’t help stop thinking about you,, the way you smiled at him that morning or that you chose to sit by him during a meeting- 

i dont know- im just emotional at the thought of him being so hopelessly in love with you,, like not even fighting it anymore because he cant

just him slowly coming around to being near you all the time,, and maybe just checking up on you,,

i CRY at thought of him becoming your number one hype man :((

like him yelling at everyone to shut up and listen to you when you have something to say about information-

the both of you smiling to each other,, like him nodding in your direction because he has your back :)) wow i aM SOFT

im fucking sorry but the way he has literal HEART EYES watching you talk in front of everyone,,

not even paying attention to what youre saying just focusing on the way hes never noticed the little details about you- i

this bitch is literally in a haze,, focusing all of his  attention on you,,

like he doesnt even notice when steve looks over at him and back to you,, smile on his face when he realizes what javis thinking about-

i cant- and him elbowing javiers side when you finish talking because hes not even moving from his spot,, still too embobado watching you like

“you fucking like her dont you?”- 

:((HOLD ON?? - I SOB at the thought of steve being the wingman because he just wants the best for both of his friends,,,

 he makes it his fucking mission to get you two together- :((

like im imagining him being the type to give you a note or something from carrillo or messina-

telling you to pass it on to javier even tho he’s literally like 4 feet away from you both lol

like hes just trying to push you two to spend more time together as much as possible-

woW because can you imagine you giving javier these smALL HEART EYES AS YOU WALK UP TO HIM,,

the two of you being stuck to the floor when youre giving him the note,, both of you waiting for the other to make a move first,, 

neither of you being able to get 2 words out to eachother even though you both would banter with each other before but now?? its a difference feel

and all the while steve is over here next to carrillo,, the both of them betting which of you two is going to do something first lmao

god im sorry but im :(( imagining you giving him a small smile and walking away buT javiers not even looking at the note because hes over here standing there,, not moving a single muscle,, just watchinG YOU LEAVE WITH THE BIGGEST HEART EYES WHEN YOURE NOT LOOKING AT HIM ANYMORE- :(((

oh my god, wow can you imagine steve getting connie in on this because hes just so done waiting and watching you both fucking struggle to get 4 words out to eachother- so much p i n n i n g

so like the two of them would definitely do this double date just to get the two of you together outside of work :))

but:) they would skip :)) halfway through the date or just not show up at all :)))

and have you and javier go on :)the date alone :)) so its just the two of you :) WOW

listen i dont make the rules but you and javier definitely walk in the next day together,, holding fucking hands perhaps?? im- i need to go sob

[fishfem]

Do you have any advice for telling a man to stop something? My boyfriend of four years causally calls everyone a cunt or a bitch and when I ask him to stop calling me that he says whatever or he calls everyone that so it doesn’t mean anything. It’s partly my fault for not telling him to stop it when we first got together but I had just been in an abusive relationship and assumed it was normal. Recently I’m realizing he shouldn’t call me names or call me stupid so I’m trying to convince him to stop but he always says it’s a joke or brushes it off. I wanna stay with him because i love him and no one else could really deal with me because of my past and the amount of trauma baggage I have.

i'm so sorry youre dealing with this anon.

This is a tough situation. Firstly, it's not your fault. He's the one choosing to say slurs and ignore your discomfort. That is not your fault. It is not your fault that you were initially afraid to say something. It doesnt make it right that he's doing it or less gross.

Truthfully, there is not much advice I can give since I dont know you two. I am sorry.

As it is, your bf gives me a lot of red flags, and I understand you said you dont want to leave and you do not have to, but I do hope you read the following still.

How soon did you get in a relationship with your boyfriend? The fact that you were afraid to say something until now, to me, implies it was pretty close. That worries me because people are extremely vulnerable after leaving abuse. Especislly romantic relationships as someone often will try to get in a new relationship quickly which can leave them less likely or able to screen for quality in their partners. I'm not saying your boyfriend is horrible and actively targeted you for this or that this is what happened, but I do think its important to be aware of that imbalance in power.

Secondly, his absolute lack of care for your comfort and dismissal of you is concerning. If your close friend, who know yknow had been abused before you met, came up to you and finally commented on something youve slways said and saying it makes them uncomfortable, would you just shrug them off like this? knowing it is something that has likely bothered them since the beginning, but theyve finally healed enough to say something?

Another red flsg is the fact that he calls you names and calls you stupid. You sort of mentioned this then passed on and I think it definitely is related to the fact that you only recently realized you deserve to be treated better, but its just that— you deserve to be treated better, and he shouldnt be treating you that way.

i wonder if he knows you view him as your last chance and the only once accepting of you. because to be quite frank, that is very useful to him. it lets him know he could do anything and you wouldnt leave.

all these things together, for me, paint a concerning image. best case scenario, hes unintentionally taking advantage of the trauma mentality and behavior you got from abuse and is just kind of a very inconsiderate person.

i want you to know; he is not your only option, whether its worst case scenario or not. there ARE others who would "deal with you". trust me, he does... not sound like anything special. but also; you dont need to be in a romantic relationship. i know that feels like it means you have to be alone, but it doesnt. you can develop a loving group of friends. you can enrich your own life. romantic partners are not the end all be all, and it is better to be single than to be partnered and unhappy. for women especially, this is literally statistically true. i know it may feel like that life isnt something you can achieve for yourself, that while others could do it you couldnt be happy like that— but you really probably could. it just takes time and persistence. and it really is rewarding. i know some older lesbians who dont have partners whether due to never finding someone, losing someone, ending a relationship, etc, and theyve been single for decades— but they are the happiest women ive ever seen.

the most important thing to remember with relationships is youll always be under their power whether theyd like it or not if you dont believe youre able to survive on your own. society encourages this in women, and abused women often really struggle with it.

.

now i understand if youre not ready or willing to face any of that. but please remember you have worth and your boyfriend should be listening to you, and it is not your fault. im sorry i dont have better advice for you given the ambiguity.

[verifiedservicepup]

THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID

okay so, I'm not tagging anyone in this post, because I'd like to avoid two things:

unnecessary conflict

further glorification of what you're about to read

I recently stumbled across an account named 'femalewhore' which, to my knowledge, is run by a trans man who appears to fetishise his biological system. each to their own I guess, but I need to clarify:

this is centred on the glorification of transphobia

this is centred on the glorification of abuse

and this is centred on the glorification of rape

they mention themselves that their blog makes them feel mentally unwell, though they continue to run it despite knowing that they are sabotaging themselves. I dont want this post to turn into a script that has me bitching on about one profile, and so I have to say where several other issues stand in. first, their bio:

I am genuinely concerned for this person, and i dont want anyone hurting themselves over what they're feeling in a similar or the same context, or over this person's posts.

next, their pinned post:

I stumbled across this from a simple BDSM search. the fact that I was able to come across this so easily is not my only concern (the amount of damage that something like this can do to someone who is not in the right mindset - if there is any right mindset to view this - is ridiculous), but the fact that they brand themselves as a BDSM blog.

i shouldnt need to clarify: rape is not, in any way, an aspect of BDSM. it's not BDSM if it's not consensual, it's ABUSE. and I recognise I can only speak for a small portion of the BDSM community, but WE DO NOT CONDONE ABUSE WHATSOEVER.

I cant even believe that I'm having to make this post. the fact that this is even a thing not only disgusts me, but also makes me feel a great deal of sympathy for this person; they clearly need help with a lot of things, and I get the feeling that this mindset is a direct result of those ailments.

furthermore, I feel that I need to post screenshots of their posts. I have not interacted, and I dont expect you to either. I have quietly blocked and reported them, and I encourage you to do the same so that we can aim remove this sort of content, and prevent people from becoming triggered by it as they have been. I didnt realise that there was a whole community on tumblr that glorifies abuse this way - and i say that because of the reblogs, and - dear god - the amount of notes.

yes, I recognise that rape fantasies are a thing, and CNC can fulfill that if the right steps, precautions, and aftercare is taken, but not ONCE have I seen any ounce of consent on this blog, and not ONCE have i seen a single MINORS DNI. its impossible to prevent minors from viewing your page entirely, but the least you can do is give a warning, and block any minors/ageless blogs that follow your content. that's what a responsible individual does. the very thought that minors could be viewing this content and growing into adults believing that this is how sex should work is sickening. its well and truly DESPICABLE.

PLEASE BLOCK AND REPORT THIS BLOG.

theres more worrying content that I havent screenshotted simply because the posts were too long, but to recap:

THIS BLOG GLORIFIES THE FETISHISATION OF TRANSPHOBIA

THIS BLOG GLORIFIES RAPE

THIS BLOG GLORIFIES ABUSE

and, above all:

THIS BLOG IS HARMFUL TO OTHERS

[blookmallow]

hi uhh this video about Anxiety Is Good Actually keeps being on my dash and its making me mad so this is me breaking it down 

if this kind of thinking helps you im not trying to destroy your coping methods but it just feels so far removed from what the actual experience of anxiety is 

i understand the value in trying to redirect negative self-thoughts into positive ones ( “i worry about people all the time” --> “i care deeply about people i love”) but there’s ways to do that without just, denying there’s anything wrong?? this just feels like the. whole issue with romanticizing mental illness/not moving toward positive recovery because I Dont Need To Change Myself when its actively harming you (not to mention “anxiety is good and helpful” is uh, not a great thing to say to someone with anxiety, bc then you get more anxiety spirals of ‘wait if this is how anxiety is for other people then whats wrong with me, i must be doing something wrong. i shouldnt need help and be having breakdowns bc apparently its easy and even beneficial to other people’ i dont need to be anxious about how im doing anxiety wrong lmfao) 

- where is this “anxiety means you’re intelligent” claim coming from. says Who. hyperanalyzing and overthinking constantly doesn’t make you Smarter, anxiety brain isn’t “im carefully and logically considering all the possibilities” it’s your brain trapping itself in a hell spiral of “what if what if what if” to the point where it becomes increasingly difficult to come to any conclusion at all. it’s not “considering all possible outcomes rationally” it’s “im spending 30 minutes worrying about the least likely thing to happen in a way that is not constructive and i need to recognize that and get myself back on track with whats actually relevant” 

my critical thinking is actively impaired by my anxiety. i sometimes have to go take a nap for 3 hours to reset my brain before i can even approach a problem because my brain is just going “no no no no no too big too scary i cant i cant i cant i cant i cant” too loudly for me to even consider any options at all. “anxiety can make you better at decision making!” is the biggest fucking bullshit claim i have ever seen. anxiety PREVENTS me from decision making. it makes decision making a huge ridiculous ordeal when it really doesn’t need to be. i have to go through a whole process of quieting my anxiety down and working around it in order to do anything at all. its like if you had an alarm system for your house but it went off just constantly all the time for no reason and you have to keep getting up to turn it off. eventually you’re going to have a hard time being able to identify when it’s actually going off because someone’s breaking into your house and when it’s just Doing That Thing Again and you keep losing track of what you were doing because you keep getting interrupted by having to turn that stupid alarm off again

anxiety isn’t “constantly looking for how to solve things” its “constantly thinking of new problems that could exist” in a way that is not beneficial. ill be sitting here feeling sick and completely disoriented for an hour because What If The Customer Service Guy On The Phone Thought I Was Stupid. Maybe I Am Stupid. Maybe I Was Accidentally Rude In Some Way I Never Considered And He’s Going “Wow What A Stupid Rude Bitch That Was” for literally no reason. sure that also means “i have empathy for other people and i want to be polite and not make someone else’s life difficult” but im mostly just thinking about How Stupid I Am, You Stupid Fucking Idiot which is not helpful

like if i recognize “this is my anxiety talking” and just. silenzio bruno. ignore that, put that away, move on, focus. that’s a much more healthy way to cope than indulging it on another spiral of “how is this Actually My Little Anxiety Buddy Trying To Help Me” trying to find some meaning and purpose in it isn’t going to help. anxiety is irrational. that’s what it Is. it’s okay and actually healthy to realize that. my best coping skill is to just say “okay, that was a brain glitch. that wasn’t my fault. im not stupid, my brain just has bad wiring. ignore that. keep going” 

- “we can think of it as our anxiety giving us an extra energy boost to get things done” fucking WHAT?? i cant get anything done because of my anxiety. i will bury myself in 19 blankets and stare at tumblr for 5 hours because my brain Won’t Start and i feel sick and worried and shaky for literally no reason instead of like, getting up and cleaning my room. and then i spend another hour thinking about how useless i am for not cleaning my room. i can only get things done at all bc i have medication that makes my anxiety quieter 

- they have this cute little image of “anxiety” telling you to tell the store person you need more time to decide as if it’s there shouting solutions and advice when really it’s more like “GO GO GO GO YOU HAVE TO ANSWER NOW YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG YOU’RE HOLDING UP THE LINE YOU’RE BEING THAT GUY HURRY HURRY HURRY HURRY IF YOU DON’T DECIDE SOMETHING IN 3 SECONDS EVERYONE IN THE STORE WILL HATE YOU AND YOU WILL DIE” its not constructive, it’s not a helpful little advice friend, it’s just random loud static you have to work around constantly. of course it’s okay to need a second to process because of your anxiety but that’s not what anxiety Does. i cant ask for a second to process because my anxiety is so loud i cant think and it has convinced me if i dont act normal Right The Fuck Now everyone will hate me forever. i guess a more effective illustration would be like, the Anxiety entity going “AAAAAAA” and instead of you thinking “im stupid and terrible because i cant control that thing” you go “hang on a second, i need a minute” and you step away to calm it down. instead of. the anxiety just offering you a solution. for itself. i dont understand this video 

like. what the fuck are you talking about. “you can do it!! you got this!” is literally the exact fucking polar opposite of what anxiety brain is like

[love4hobi]

honestly thank u for talking abt this bc every time i see one of those bullshit weverse articles i feel like im actually going insane. like i cant believe they’re trying to sell me on this nonsense abt it being something groundbreaking and inspirational and incredible songwriting and whatever the fuck. it rlly feels like bighit/hybe thinks im dumbest bitch alive LMAO.... like yeah the mv and the lil cowboy fits are cute and the lil dance is cute and i get the point. but can yall stop trying to act like ptd ISNT extremely generic boring soulless american-radio-fodder......bc thats what it is and its obvious. stop lyin to me 😫

and also not to get parasocial in this ask but i Do Not buy that bts thinks ptd is that good. it rlly rlly feels like such a script like this shit is so beneath their skill and talent and Good music taste :// of course idk them or what they really think but.....i just dont buy it. and the thing that bothers me most is that it feels like their artistic integrity is being tarnished and these english pop songs have None of their heart in it no matter how catchy and it doesnt feel like Their voices.......anyways thank u hope u have a good day/night <3

yea its so annoying but a lot of ppl eat it right up so theyre probably not gonna stop anytime soon :/ but yea like u said it would be slightly less annoying if hybe would just own that its a cashgrab completely catered towards the us radio and not fans,, and i agree theres no way to know for sure how they feel, but just looking at what theyve released up until this point.. it just doesnt add up.. ur right it doesnt have their heart :( like it shouldnt have to be shoved down our throats that its a super inspirational wholesome heartwarming song, we should just be able to feel it :( i know what thats supposed to feel like bc ive felt it their past songs but not here.. but i rly am hopeful theyll get it back soon 🥺

[anniefournier21]

Do you know what its really like to be depressed?

i am a 21 year old girl, living in the city of fredericton. moved here in 2018 so i could have more opportunities to make my life better. more chances to prove to people i am better the the roumors.

what i have learned living in the city of fredericton for 3.5 years is that no matter what ido in life.... its never enough. its never enough to be congratulated by family members. at 19 i was a supervisor at a clothing retail store, i was also act in manager until one was hired in later on. NOBODY congradulated me on being able to handle that at 19!

i come from 2 very small towns. well ones a village and ones a town. neither place did i ever feel very welcomed....

i often tried to portray my self as this perfect girl, dressing like the "cool" grils inorder to be noticed by anyone. that didnt work! i tried being like everyone else, i wanted to go to parties and hang out with "rebel" kids in my grade.

however i wasnt allowed! i was isolated from the "bad kids" growing up, i wasnt allowed to go to parties or hang out with anyone who seemed to have some sort of bad reputation.

All for what? im 21 and i have 1 friend whom of which didnt initionally want to be my friend but i sort of made him.

21 and my social skills are absolute garbage.

21 and i can count on one hand how many times ive drank alcohol.

21 and im still told how to live my life by my family.

i live on my own with a boyfriend and my family still tells me how i should spend my money, how i should spend my time, whom i should and shouldnt hang out with.

a life of orders and rules

i suffer from severe depression and anxiety.

i have what i call depressive episodes. where for long periods of time i absoluely hate everything about my self and my life. these episodes last longer when i am under stress.

i am currently on week 3 of my third known episode. my last one was 2.5 years long.

during these episodes i often dont eat, or i eat very little. i dont drink water, i dont bathe, i just forget how to care for my self completely.

i slowly distance my self from people often just not wanting to be around anyone for any length of time.

during these times i ALWAYS think of new ways i could attempt to take my own life. many of these ways go untested.

while in these episodes i am a danger to my self but nobody knows how bad it actually gets.

i have planned my death many times. i have written my will many times. i have written my letter many times.

i have been so tired of fighting and trying to hold on to life when i see no reason on me being here.

i am 21 and i have tried to take my life 4 times.

all 4 have failed or i was caught before i did it.

a lot of people say the understand what im going through.... but i find that hard to believe. you might be able to relate to some things, but nobody truely understands exactly how i feel.

3 out of 4 years i spent in highschool i was taking counsoling trying to figure out what was wrong with me. why kids didnt like me, why i wasnt happy.

i could never understand why i was always so depressed.

then one day very recently i understood why.

i lived with my mother until i was 16, from there i was with my grandmother until i was 18. next place i was, was with my biological dad for less then 6 months. at that point he let his wife kick me out, mid november 11:30pm with snow outside.

i was left to figure my shit out on my own.

at 18 i lived on my own. i struggled every day with trying to work enough to pay all my bills. 50% of the time my rent was never paid.

i had nobody at my side who was willing to help without fighting with me.

at 19 i learned that my own mother would help me financially but i had to get bitched at first.

she had to belittle me for how i chose to spend my money. for how little i was working, for never having my stuff paid on time or at all.

at 19 i realised i had no emotional support from anyone in my life not even family.

i envied the familys who looked so good together who seemed like they were they for each other.

i lost my self trying to please my family, i tried so hard to be the perfect child all for what? the mental struggle to keep my self alive?

here i am on week 3 of my third know episode and i have been in the hospital once for extreme stomach pains. (most likely from lack of eating). two days later called my self an ambulance to my work because i couldnt move i was in so much pain.

since then i have missed 4 shifts at my second job and struggled very hard to go to my shifts at my primary job.

i have ate maybe a total of 20 meals in the last 3 weeks (that i can remember that is). i have lost about 10lbs.

i am severly sick and i feel so alone.

like i have said i live with a boyfriend and even though im never entirely alone i always feel like i am.

i dont want to bother him with my problems..

i dont want him to feel pitty on me.

i dont want anyone to feel for me. i cant even feel for me.

when i encounter i problem i run, i never try and fix the problem i just leave. i figure it better for myself and everyone around me if i leave.

the urge i have to pack what will fit in my car and leave is very high... but i promised my friend i wouldnt leave.

i feel as though i have nothing here, as if i have nobody in my corner rooting me on.

i feel empty, i feel drained, i feel as though there is nothing i can do to save my self.

nothing i say or do is every enough.

no matter how hard i try to be okay its never enough.

i am not enough

nobody goes out of there way to make sure im always okay. but i do it for everyone.... even people i dont get along with.

because i never want someone to feel the way i do. i dont want people to feel as if they have nobody.

i have been the shoulder for many people to cry on, but when it comes to me the most i get is a message saying " you will get through this" or " everything will be okay".

but its like how would you know? how does telling me it will be okay make it okay?

i sit here and hype people up make them feel special when they are feeling sad. i make them feel worthy of this life. i make sure they know life is worth living.

when deep down i dont even believe that myself. but i know it helps.

now even though i am going through my episode nobody really knows i am. i have gotten very good at hiding it where in my family you dont have mental health issues. you just "think" you do.

i come from a very large family. from both sides, and i can assure anyone that not a single one can tell when im depressed as all get out.

not a single one of them are there for me. often times their making it worse by trying to control my life.

most times i am left wondering why i am even here.

why anyone has ever put up with me for as long as they did.

ill never understand why my support system is not really there. why i have nobody in my corner backing me up.

making me feel like i serve a purpose here. like i mean something to anyone.

ive got this thing called attachment issues. basically for me that means i do not like to be without someone for long periods of time.

i also have a problem with being left completely alone.

i suffer from childhood trauma, and child neglection.

now my family will deny that but i know what i went through on every moment of every day. i know how i felt everyday.

that being said the smallest of things can trigger a panic attack. often a fast movement or a raise in ones voice.

anyone who seems angry with me i will cry and cripple like theres no tommorow.

i can not stand up for my self because if someone so much as raises their voice at me i cripple. i feel like im 2 feet tall.

i love my first name.... Annastasia.... it just sound sso elegant. however i only ever heard this name when i was about to get in trouble. which was just about every day as a kid.

i am terrified to hear my full name because i truly believe that anyone who uses it is mad at me and its about to yell.

i cant even hear my own name.. let that sink in for a minute.

i lack the proper understanding of family.

i love you was not a sentence used often in my childhood. only time i remember it being used is if i got in trouble for something and later my parents found out they were wrong.

thats right id get in trouble for things that i didnt do or had no part in.... and be told that im loved because they fucked up. thats not fair to me.

so now when people tell me they love me i feel as though i did something wrong and they realised i actually didnt do anything.

thats what the words i love you mean to me.

its a was to say " im sorry i was in the wrong not you"

i have tried for so long to shelter my emotions, keep them pressed down in the dark but i cant do that forever. i shouldnt have to. nobody should.

i am here writing this today ( december 8th of 2021) so i can stop explaining my self to people who never understood why i am the way i am.

i will put my self in the middle of peoples drama just so i can feel included in something for once. nobodys every understood why....

im not envited to stuff. nobody ask me to go hang out.

i always ask, i always invite.

im so tired of trying for stuff that will never happen.

everytime i wake up in the morning i wish i hadnt because its another day of dissapointments, arguments, failure.

im tired of always being tired. im sick of always being sick.

im tired of trying to please everyone around me when i cant even please my self.

im tired of never being enough for someone

im tired of never being enough for my family

im so damn tired of being the disapointment in peoples lives

im fed up with always being labeled the problem everywhere i go

i have nothing left in me to keep fighting

i have no motavation left

all my dreams are shot out the window by everyone

my life is controlled by everyone around me

i am the problem always have been and probably always will be.

this is is what its like inside my head on a daily basis. this is the struggle i face in my every day life. this is what its like to be in my shoes.

this is my story. and aint nobody going to be able to fix it.

[kideternity]

For the ask game: Helena Bertinelli, Selina Kyle, Cassandra Cain, Harper Row, Dinah Lance, Diana Prince & Stephanie Brown

Oh god oh yea okay hold on op this will get long (under read more)

Helena Bertinelli

How I feel about this character: I adore her 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 literally my wife my muse my love

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Dinah, Karen, Renee

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Helena and Eel, John Henry and Zauriel ^_^ also think she and Vic Sage should have “LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO!” Energy together

My unpopular opinion about this character: I love Barbara dont get me wrong but shes an AWWFUUUUUULL friend to Helena 😭😭😭 like I LITERALLY CANNOT GET OVER HOW BABS CANONICALLY BEFRIENDED HELENA SOLELY TO MANIPULATE HER ORIGINALLY... not to mention all of that unnecessary beef over dick and like OTHER PEOPLE calling Helena batgirl.....

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she stayed with the justice league for more time so much 😭😭😭 I have a soft spot for JLA (1997) always its my fav critically examined run but MAN helena getting fired when the first run was ending pissed me off!!!!

my OTP: Probably right now Dinahelena? Tie between Reneehelena and that one

my cross over ship: I don’t have a ton of non dc media I like but Liz sherman from hellboy maybe

a headcanon fact: She has a wine cooler in her car at all times for people to grab a drink from if needed, the only rule she has is to try not to spill it everywhere because it’s a bitch to get out of her leather seats

Selina Kyle

How I feel about this character: Admittedly idk a ton about Selina I need to haul ass on reading catwoman solos 😭 I've had a complicated relationship with her but as of right now I like her! I think she’s cool

All the people I ship romantically with this character: All i'm turning up is Zatanna bc my friend writes really good zee/selina fics wjwjajajwua stan randy!!!!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I am like OBSESSED w the small little friendship tidbits Helena B and Selina have....... its not suer amazing or anything but huntress year old Selina insta best friending helena made me 🥺

My unpopular opinion about this character: IM NOT REALLY SURE WHY SELINA IS CONSIDERED A GOTHAM CITY SIREN NGL.... like its most likely definitely me knowing nothing Abt popular characters but its just always struck me as kinda weird/the only thing ivy harley and selina have in common is like. The most well known bad women in gotham

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I WISH WE GOT TO SEE MORE OF HER MENTORING KITRINA FALCONE...... FUCKING CATGIRL..... LIKE SHE JUST FUCKING SHIPS HER OFF TO A BOARDING HOUSE AND THEN WE NEVER SEE KITRINA AGAIN LIKE I GET WHY BUT MAN MISSED OPPORTUNITY!!!!

my OTP: idk sry !

my cross over ship: Felicia hardy purely because its just really fucking funny to me

a headcanon fact: Selina fucking hates Gnort more then anything imaginable

Cassandra Cain

How I feel about this character: I like her!!!!! Definitely my second favourite batkid after Duke ^_^

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Steph

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Duke! Ultimate siblings. Also just like the idea of Lonnie and Cass getting along bc they tell old men they suck

My unpopular opinion about this character: Cass should not be able to beat everybody. She should not be able to beat people of unimaginable power such as Dr Fate. Like I think she could defeat normal fighters, or maybe enhanced fighters, but actual metas and magic casters etc I don’t think she would be able to, especially since iirc she almost fucking died fighting metahuman assassins??? So

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I know we all say it but let cass be batman v_v but also let her be batman and let carrie Kelly be her batwoman so that they can absolutely hate each other I wanna see that play out

my OTP: Stephcass im basic

my cross over ship: n/a

a headcanon fact: Duke introduced her to heavy metal now she cant get enough of it

Stephanie Brown

How I feel about this character: I like her! I still need to continue reading her batgirl solo and more but I like her! Good character!

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Cass

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Lonnie ^_^ Rebirth lonnie is literally so OOC and nasty I don’t wanna hear any bs abt how its ‘better’ but I did like the idea of Steph and Lonnie being friends and I think it'd work still with Lonnie’s good characterisation

My unpopular opinion about this character: Timsteph is a bad ship its objectively bad and I hate it a lot also Steph kissing Tim knowing he was dating Arianna was shitty writing/a dick move on her part i just hate all of it its comp het the ship

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: OKAY I NEED TO READ MORE STEPH COMICS FIRST but I am perpetually haunted by my idea of steph in the future becoming huntress.... I Ponder It

my OTP: Stephcass lol

my cross over ship: Gwen Stacy and Steph could be fun :O

a headcanon fact: She doesn’t like condiments unless it’s say, syrup for waffles

Harper Row

How I feel about this character: I used to be like obseeeeeeessed with harper used to think abt her 24/7 but ive mellowed down a lot.... havent read her comics in like literally ages...... still love her a lot tho

All the people I ship romantically with this character: nobody 😔

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Steph and Cass being Harper’s friends was always cute to me also I like when I think both or just Steph was Harper’s roommate it was fun

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mostly nobody seems to fucking care about her 🙄 you guys cry for gay batkids 24/7 but you wont even acknowledge harper existed........ smh

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: that she stuck around more : ( i liked how her brother cullen sorta became this like oracle esque figure so I like the idea of her being a vigilante in some place like bludhaven maybe w Cullen giving tech support

my OTP: n/a :/

my cross over ship: not really a ship but maybe Miles and Harper teaming up one time?

a headcanon fact: Would really like to own a pet snake

Dinah Lance

How I feel about this character: I love women.... I love this woman.......

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Ollie, Helena

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Babs :] best friends 4ever !

My unpopular opinion about this character: Dinahs done a lot of fucked up things and like i dont even mean like in a “its bad writing way” i mean just like consistently dinah is not perfect and she shouldnt be regarded as such and i dont like when people do

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Wish she stayed with the JSA longer :[ I really liked her with the JSA it was fun!!!!

my OTP: Dinahelena 💜🖤🤍💛

my cross over ship: n/a

a headcanon fact: She's really bad at cooking most dishes

Diana Prince

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HER a very interesting character with a lot of interesting lore

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Zatanna, Natasha Teranova

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Clark and Bruce ^_^ they are her close friends and teammates and I want absolutely nothing to go on between them. Ever.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Not abt diana specifically But damn yall when the fuck you guys gonna actually.... talk about diana.... like when are you going to make metaposts about her and hot takes and so on as much as you do for ppl like bruce

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: She and Natasha should have gotten married whilst in space together period it was homophobia to have Natasha just go back to russia and never show up ever again

my OTP: Wondermagics

my cross over ship: not a ship again but LET HELLBOY TEAM UP W DIANA

a headcanon fact: She's really good at pottery! Especially during the sculpting stage

[drangues]

I’m excited too!!! He’s a nice guy, he’s really helped me a lot and I think I’ve gotten better? That feels conceited to say but I wouldn’t like, have a job or be learning to drive or have gotten an associate’s without him. And I’ll do my best not to brush anything off but sometimes I just Forget stuff whoops. Therapy aside, that’s fair! Sometimes anime just takes what they think is funny and runs with it. To be fair, the two of them can get pretty funny. (Nyanon, 1/7)

They just have a dynamic that plays off of itself really well, I think??? ADKJNAUDJIAU AND I KNOW IVE HAD SHIT LUCK, I still don’t like anything being wrapped around my neck??? Even super loose necklaces, I get anxious and it sucks because jewelry is very pretty. (Admittedly it’s also a bit of a sensory thing but I’d still like to wear necklaces sometimes you know?) I’m doing my best to not let it affect me too much, it was a decent amount of time ago. (Nyanon, 2/7)

But I’m also just super awkward so it’d be slow going regardless??? Social cues suck. I appreciate the faith, though!!! Also I feel your brain having too many tabs open painfully well, it’s like an awful, off-key symphony up here and I Hate It. It’s especially annoying when it’s children’s songs. No I don’t want a song about math in my head. Please turn it off. And listen I’m always here for Atsushi and Kunikida commiserating over their coworkers being weird. (Nyanon, 3/7)

Like, Dazai is causing Mischief one day and Yosano and Ranpo are Encouraging Him and the Tanizaki siblings are. Doing their thing. And Kyouka and Kenji are probably at school? So they just say fuck it and do their work while drinking tea in the cafe or something where they bitch about their dumb peers with Lucy. Also possible new BrOT3??? Because I feel like Lucy and Kunikida would get along like a house on fire, which is to say terribly or terrifyingly well. (Nyanon, 4/7)

That aside, yeah he’d probably be like “what” at first, if only because the orphanage was probably full of bigoted assholes on top of abusive ones, but with the support of his baby sis and the ADA! He’ll be able to put that behind him and wear skirts and swish them. I just want him to be enamored with the swishing okay. Also it’d be like, ten times more convenient than pangs with his ability??? Moving on though, YES that’d be great, I love the fluffy ones. (Nyanon, 5/7)

I wanna see the Atsushi experimenting with his new phone and getting happier as he learns new stuff. Like Dazai shows him emojis and emoticons and he takes great joy in using them, that kinda thing. And YEAH arcs can be draining so sometimes you just really want the fluff and humor??? And there’s nothing wrong with that, obviously, chat fics are just a good way to go about it, since it’s allows for multiple characters and less need for action. (Nyanon, 6/7)

Anyways, I am in a Very sappy mood, so have a sappy Scenario Concept: Dazai and Atsushi having moments where they’re completely full of Love for their boyfriend. Like, they shoot up in the middle of the night, only half-awake and with no impulse control and their only thought is “wow, I love my boyfriend a lot. I’ll tell him. Right now,” and then they slams each other’s phone with a constant stream of affection. (Nyanon, 7/7)

hey it’s not conceited to admit youre doing better than before, you should pride yourself in that and im sure he’ll agree as well!! AND WITH THE NECK THING S A M E THATS WHY I CANT DEAL WEARING SCARVES OR TURTLE NECKS OR A NECKLINE THATS TOO CLOSE TO THE NECK I PULL AT IT SO MANY TIMES IT FEELS LIKE IM GETTING SUFFOCATED. ill always have faith in you!! never forget that!! and i agree, social cues suck A S S

kyouka and kenji would do their homework together on the couch which renders dazai to having to sit at his desk and work u cant convince me otherwise, it’s the number one reason dazai agrees that homework shouldnt Exist but owowowo lucy and kunikida getting along well?? now thats a new headcanon, would you mind elaborating on that? or is it just a Feeling

and!! yes!!! atsushi fighting in a skirt!! he would wear shorts underneath tho, since he doesnt wanna flash his underwear accidentally but other than that is gucci!!! and yes i agree, chatfics are perfect for fluff and humour and the thought of atsushi being taught Texting 101 by dazai is sO ADORABLE (i feel like kyouka would be surprisingly Good at it despite being sheltered in the mafia, she just Knows)

IM IN A SAPPY MOOD AS WELL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SURE THERE WOULD BE MOMENTS WHERE THEYRE JUST SCR E A M I N G AT EACH OTHER HOW MUCH LOVE THEY POSSESS AND THEM JUST KISSING EACH OTHER AND AAGEHJKESHDJS

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet

-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay

first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS

(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)

so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au

anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))

johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel

johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.

so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.

so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.

tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.

sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab. 

karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”

nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit

kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”

terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset

vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs

equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...

gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST

eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,

and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD

OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun

[brotanicalgarden]

My Drunk Review of Imploding the Mirage

Hey so I’m a dumbass and listened to the new Killers album today because I really wanted to know what the studio version of Blowback sounds like. After listening to it I was like wait is this what all the songs sound like? And listened to the other songs that hadn’t yet been released and here’s my review. TL:DR At bottom

-YES I am taking into account the sexual assault allegations. So yes, I do think this album and band sucks in large part because of that. I will not buy this album or stream it again. Tbh I’m considering burning my Killers posters.

-This album also sucks whether the allegations exist or not.

Like seriously, this is a bad album

-I expected so much more from Blowback and like the lyrics are still good but like why would you make it 80s pop???? This is about escaping trauma, there should be a delicacy and resilience to it and instead it feels trivialized. 2/10 as someone with PTSD, a survivor of childhood abuse, and a survivor of sexual assault I am offended. Sincerely. I’m actually offended by this song.

-All of the songs are kind of the same? Like I get wanting a cohesive album but this album really lacks the lyricism and general song variation I’m used to hearing from them. Why do they rely on Bruce Springsteen so much? Like idk man. Day & Age did this so much better???? Also My God is just cringey af idk what’s wrong with that song but just no. The lyrics are no and it’s too synth poppy.

-The song Imploding the Mirage started out GREAT. They first few lyrics “I was a timid, Rockwellian boy She was tattooed and ready to deploy” gave me chills and reminded me of the old Killers. But then the rest of it legitimately sucked. Like what the hell you start off so good and then the instrumental gets weird and the lyrics are just bland?

-The reason I liked The Killers for so long was for their lyricism and this album has basically none. Get it together, Brandon.

-Also Dave is notably absent. The guitar lines in this album SUCK ASS. I respect his choice to leave but they need to replace him with someone decent. 

-I was super excited when Caution came out cause it was workable. It felt like the kind of song that was playing to several audiences to be a hit single and was a simple glimpse of what the album might contain and then wasn’t.

-ALSO as someone who is WHITE TRASH TM, I don’t appreciate how often brandon uses the phrase White Trash. It works in Blowback cause it’s powerful and it reads well. Like yeah I’m constantly viewed as white trash and typecast because of that too, I get it and it resonates. But like knowing a lot of this album is about Tana makes me feel like he’s just criticizing and belittling her and other women like her. Brandon honey, I’m White Trash and YOU’RE IN TROUBLE.

-AGAIN I JUST WANT TO STRESS HOW OFFENSIVE I FIND THIS VERSION OF BLOWBACK. THE GOOD MORNING AMERICA VERSION ON THE PIANO WAS GREAT BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE HE WAS TAKING IT SERIOUSLY AND BEING DELIBERATE WITH HIS WORDS BUT THE STUDIO VERSION FEELS LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A DANCE HIT BY EXPLOITING HIS WIFE’S TRAUMA. DISLIKE. I HATE IT.

-And of course FUCK THE KILLERS for the sexual assault allegations and refusing to do basically anything. Chez Cherrie has talked about not being able to get in touch with the legal team and then receiving threatening messages from them. They clearly don’t care and I don’t care if it was over a decade ago or not SHIT IS STILL FUCKED UP AND DISGUSTING.

-Seriously if you’re a survivor of sexual assault I stand with you. I will never be able to see justice for what happened to me (thanks to BITCHASS BETSY DEVOS) and my assaulter will never face any consequences for their actions. But I truly hope that those who were victims under The Killers negligence and complicity will be able to find justice and solace and I wish the same to all of the other survivors out there. My heart especially goes out to those in situations like mine, we deserve justice, we deserve so much better. Please know that I love, care about, and support you.

-Also it’s REAL fucked up that The Killers fandom is called The Victims now. Just gonna call that one out.

TL:DR OVERALL: DON’T BUY ITM BECAUSE THE SEXUAL ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS MEAN WE SHOULDNT SUPPRT TK AND ALSO THIS ALBUM IS ACTUALLY OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE. This album fucking sucks. Like Wonderful Wonderful was bad and I get trying to get footing in there current music scene but this is inexcusable tbh. Like wtf. And the sexual assault allegations only make it worse. It’s a one trick pony with shitty lyrics, the same fucking style and syncopation in every song, played by shitty people who are complicit in sexual assault. Also as someone with PTSD who is a survivor of childhood abuse and sexual assault later in life, I’m fucking offended by the studio version of Blowback. Please, turn trauma into your next shitty dance hit. Also stop using the term White Trash. We get it, you think poorly of your wife and people like her.

XOXO

SIncerely,

The Most White Trash Bitch On The Block

Your Favorite Tufts Senior

-MAD