#like there a mcdonalds down the road and there are no tvs. that weird deal

[thehappiestgolucky]

this is either a guide for me, a guide for followers - or me trying to work out what variant i doodle for what

either way monk is always fun to draw and i love them dearly

[midwestmess94]

Queer Mental Health: A June Discussion

It is Day 2 of PRIDE month. Major corporations have already changed their logos to the rainbow flag, the circuit gays are out on the beaches in their speedos, posting thirst traps on Instagram, the Ru Girls are teasing their wigs and stoning their body suits for the plethora of gigs they have coming up, PRIDE celebration planning is underway if the event has not already happened. It is the gayest time of the year. 

I feel that, while we are drinking our vodka sprites with a splash of cran (and PBR ((yes, I am a gay who drinks cheap beer. Who gonna check me boo?))), we need to talk about queer mental health. 

I feel that this is a topic we shyly talk about. After years of being viewed as outcasts and weirdos, I feel that we sometimes get scared to talk about the thoughts in our head. We’ve been told being ourselves was such a problem that the stigmatism behind mental health bogs us down. We don’t really talk about going to see therapists, or crying for reasons we don’t understand, or the on-going battle of what our bodies look like.  

Every morning I wake up at 2am to go to work. I work until 12:30 p.m. Then, I come  home and sit on my couch and just aimlessly watch Netflix until I have to repeat the process. I do that Friday-Tuesday. On Wednesdays and Thursdays, I just sit around my house and watch more tv. 

I love my job. I’ve had amazing opportunities in my career and I’m thankful for the great people I’ve met, who’ve helped me. I’ve truly grown from those experiences. 

I hate leaving work. It’s the most socialization that I get outside of my house. I sit and battle my anxiety and depression at home by myself. Because of my weird schedule, I don’t get to see people much. My friends try to come out but they work normal hours so they can’t really do anything on my days off. On Wednesdays, I go to the local gay bar and play bingo by myself. It’s quite sad but I made friends with the bartender, who has had to save me from a couple rough days. 

---- PRO TIP: Never have your bartender drive you home. You then will live with a bunch of regret of making a pseudo-stranger see you in your worst----

Everyday, I wake up before dawn and get in the shower. My first thought when I wake up is “what will I fuck up today?” Then, I think about what I have to do for the day. Through that, I debate going to the gym after work and I usually let my inner saboteur win the argument. I always convince myself: what is the point? I never have the motivation to stick with it. It would just be a waste of time and all I want to do is lay on the couch.  At some point in the day, my anxiety kicks in. It is usually around the time I check my bank account. This is where my anxiety convinces me that I am a fuck up.  Then, I look up the number to my therapist because I feel like that might help. Well, my anxiety, who I’ve named Chad, tells me that it won’t help because it never does. I just feel like I want to escape my anxiety and that it will go away. Unfortunately, it never does. You can’t escape your brain and your feelings.  Then, I realize I’m spiraling. I think about texting my friends about my issues but I haven’t known them that long since I’ve known them for under a year. I can’t really talk to them about my issues because it’s also robbing them of their time. It’s not fair to constantly seek help when you are probably just dealing with the same repetitive shit. I get afraid that I’ll just scare them away because of the issues I’ve dealt with since I was 16. My anxiety drives me to feel like I’m just a thorn in everyone’s side. It’s bad to the point that I repetitively apologize to everyone for basically existing.  There are days where I just lay in bed and scroll through social media, wishing I was someone else because I let myself believe I can’t change to be the person I want to be. I look in the mirror and really hate the social decisions I’ve been making in the last year. I’ve been getting super anxious about the things I’ve said to people when I’m drunk. I get anxious about DMing people I’ve met because I think they’ll think I have feelings for them when in reality I just want to be sociable.  My depression comes in waves on top of this. I constantly think about how I’ve made awful financial decisions in my early 20s and now I’m paying for it in my late 20s. I’m living with family at the age of 27 and I didn’t plan on that for myself.  I see what people are doing on social media. I know people never post their worst but it makes me feel like I’m doing my absolute worst. It’s not fair of me to do that to myself but also I’d like to formally introduce everyone to Chad, my anxiety and Darryl, my depression. 

I then think that my friends, the very few I have in Florida, think that I’m just too much and only deal with me because we end up in the same social situations. Want to know why? Because I’m everything that would annoy me as a person. I wish I wasn’t but I am. I know it is that whole conversation of working on yourself but this is happening to me right now. Not the end goal of working on yourself. Stop fucking telling people they need to work on themselves. Someone going through something probably knows that but this is happening in the now. Dismissing their shit and saying it’ll be better down the road is the fucking worst thing ever. 

Then, I’m gay on top of all of this.  Being gay is great but unconventionally hard. People want to tokenize you. They want to put you in a box and say you should be this and not that. I have gotten, specifically from my fraternity brothers in college, “you are cool but just like tone it down dude.” The first time I heard that was in reference to me posting a picture kissing a boy’s cheek on Instagram. Some of my fraternity brothers didn’t think it would look good for the chapter’s image. But, they publicly cheat on their girlfriends and do whatever they want.  Oh, lets talk about how they’d ask me to wing man them with my girlfriends so they could get laid.  Or, my favorite, is when women say I should act a certain way. My close girlfriends are not like this. One of them says “yes queen” but that’s about it. She has never tokenized me and she’s let me be whatever version of myself I am that day.  But straight women love to say we should love shopping. If we’re femme presenting or there is an ounce of feminity in our presence, then we get asked if we like mani-pedis or assume we have style. Not all of us do. I don’t even identify with a feminine or masculine identity. I didn’t know I needed a label to be myself. 

Then there are the boxes gay guys put other gays in.  First thing is first, if you are slightly overweight, not fit and not stylish... You can go fuck yourself.  Gay dating is like having a Ruth Chris budget but you can only afford the McDonald’s $3 McDouble Meal. Every gay man, thanks to porn and the American media’s take on what gay men look like, thinks they need to date the hottest guy in the room. The minute that they realize that guy will never go for them, well that is cataclysmic. You may call that once in a blue moon but I call that a Saturday night at a gay bar. 

Then, there is the judgment in how you dress, who you hang out with, what you do and what you drink (I am the only person at my local gay bar that drinks PBR and the amount of comments about calories and bloating I’ve received is way too much).  It’s rough. 

I know this was a long journey and most of you probably didn’t read all of this but I wrote this to get things off my mind. This is what I deal with every day of the year. I never know what my mood of the day will be when I wake up. Will I win my battle against my anxiety and depression or will I lose it and let it run everything? I feel no matter what we look like, what do we do or who we hang out with, this is something every queer person deals with. I think we need to have more of an open conversation about it amongst ourselves. I think there is some comfort there. We all present and hold face in different ways. If you ever saw me in person, you could tell how I am doing by how I present myself. I never really hide anything. It’s dumb. Just be yourself. 

I know I wrote this for me but I hope it starts a conversation amongst the queer community. I hope it helps someone reach out to seek help or I hope you just related.  Anyways, thats it. 

[ehstarwar]

under thy own life’s key (1/7)

“The top bunk is missing something.”

“What?”

“Something very important.”

“Rey.”

“A mattress.”

She feels him take a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath her hands.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can just… share.”

-

Ben and Rey share a bed on a trip and everything is totally normal and nothing is weird.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2K

Read on AO3

Notes: the sharing a bed trope is the only thing keeping serotonin production in my head, so plz enjoy （´∀｀）ノ♡

Chapter 1: all the world's my way

-

“I think you’re being a little ridiculous.” 

“I am not being ridiculous. If anything, I think I’m being over-cautious; but even that is a stretch.”

“I bet you’re secretly one of those doomsday preppers, who has a titanium panic room with a years worth of food and an armory hidden in their basement.”

“I don’t have a basement.”

“In your closet, then. Or behind a bookshelf. I know you have those.”

“We are going into the mountains. With steep hills and rough terrain and a ton of potential areas to get into an accident. It is helpful to have a car with four-wheel drive.”

“Helpful, not necessary. Your fancy, new, four-wheel drive car does not negate the possibility of us getting into an accident.”

“I does mean that if we do get into an accident, we’ll be more likely to come out unharmed than if we crashed with your death-trap ,of what charitably would be considered, a Tonka Truck. I’d honestly be shocked to find out your car had two-wheel drive at this point, Rey.”

Rey snaps her head towards him, mouth agape in shock and rage.

“My AT-AT is in perfect condition for it’s age, thank you very much.” She crosses her arms and turns her head to stare out the passenger side window, hoping Ben could feel her contempt through her body language.

“For day-to-day life, in a relatively flat city; absolutely. For traversing unfamiliar territory, maybe not,” Ben shrugged. Rey wished she could loathe him for his effortless coolness, but he was Ben. Best friend, always answers her text, brings her food whenever she asks him, lets her use his fancy washer and dryer, changes her air filters without asking, picks up her drink tab more often than not, Ben. 

Also, it’s hard to hate someone when it’s July, and their air conditioner is in perfect working condition, and her’s is… not. Instead, Rey just sits there, giving Ben the silent treatment.

After a terse five minutes of driving, Rey hears Ben sigh and signal to turn. When Rey looks over to see where he’s turning, she sees her favorite restaurant of all time; McDonalds.

She looks over at him, seeing the sheepish expression and knows one thing for sure.

No, she definitely can’t hate Ben.

-

It’s nearing eleven when Rey and Ben finally make it to the cabin with all their friends. After hours of winding roads and steep cliffs, both Ben and Rey are overcome with delight when they see the first sign of civilization in the form of their friends cars. 

Though she would never admit it, Rey was very thankful that Ben insisted on driving them. Atty could not have made it on at least four of those inclines and she’s not sure how Ben knew it would come to that, but that’s a discussion for another time. Preferably when they haven’t been driving for six hours, with only McDonalds to sustain them for the majority of the way. They’re both essentially dead on their feet when they arrive to a drunken chorus of ‘Oh, he’s a jolly good fellow.’

“There you two are! I’ve been worried sick about you for the last three hours! Why haven’t you responded to any of my text?” Hux’s nasally voice shouted at her and Ben as soon as they exited the car. 

“Good to see you, too, Armie,” Ben shouts over his shoulder. Hux looks like he’s about to kill Ben (he’s always been such an angry drunk) when his fiancée comes stumbling over, pushing all four of them into a group hug. 

“Ugh I was so worried about you guys. Couldn’t stop picturing your car driving right off a cliff and the bears finding you and flinging your corpses all over the forrest. Would’ve miss you guys at the wedding.” Poe’s drunken ramblings always made for a good story time the next day, but Rey was pretty sure this one would be skipped. 

“Aw, Poe. You really underestimate Ben’s driving skills. He only ran over, like, four squirrels!” Rey teased, pulling Poe’s arms off them. Ben shot her a nasty look, but Rey just smiled back at him. 

“Well regardless, I’m glad you’re here. In one piece. Well, two pieces. Two complete pieces.” Hux’s face contorts in confusion as he tries to figure out what he’s trying to say. Rey just laughs and goes to help Ben grab their luggage from the trunk. 

Ben has two suit cases that Rey is sure are packed pristinely and contain everything he could possibly need for the upcoming week, whereas Rey has her largest duffle bag (that doesn’t contain any holes), with clothes toiletries haphazardly stuffed in there.

“Okay, so since you guys got here last, I’ll warn you that you get the last pick of rooms. But, like, don’t worry. Your room is super nice… for a basement. But it has it’s own ensuite, which is like super nice,” Poe slurs. 

“Room? Singular?” Ben asks as they follow Poe and hue into the cabin. 

“The cabin only has six rooms, Benjamin. Something you’d be aware of if you’d gotten here sooner.” Rey can’t see Ben’s expression behind her, but she just knows he’s rolling his eyes at Hux.

“It’s got bunk beds! How fuckin awesome is that! Babe, we should’ve taken the bunk bend room. Do you think we should trade?” Poe’s face lights up until he sees the look of disgust Hux has. 

“We have the master suite darling, We are not trading.”

Ben hurmps behind her and Rey has to keep herself from laughing. The cabin itself is beautiful. Large open living room that leads into the kitchen. Floor to ceiling windows the look over the mountain its perched on. The warmth of the fire can be felt all around, giving the cabin such a homey feel.  Part of her wishes she’d worn flannel, just to feel like she fit it her surroundings. But the late-July heat of Chandrila would have been unbearable. 

Rey saunters on, following an unsteady Hux and Poe down a doorway beneath the stair case. It’s tight and winding and Rey has to resist the urge to turn around and see the undoubtably cramped Ben. She would probably laugh too hard, loose her footing and send them all plummeting down the stairs to their deaths. Not the best way to start the bachelor weekend. 

When they make it through another doorway, a small room, containing the pre-assured bunk bed and a small dresser with a TV out of the 1950s’ on top, Rey began feeling the annoyance she’s sure Ben was.

“Okay so, this is the room and that door is the bathroom and… behind us are the stairs. The kitchen is upstairs too. SO are the rest of the rooms. Well, ours is on the second floor. Or the third?” Poe turns to Hux, who is already going back up the stairs, tossing a ‘goodnight’ over his shoulder. Poe follows him up, leaving Ben and Rey in the room alone. 

“It’s… quaint.”

“It’s a shoebox,” Ben huffs, setting down his luggage. 

“I kind of like it. It’ll be like summer camp!” Rey wants to stay optimistic, knowing that spending the next six days in here will be better if she has a partner that’s not so broody. Like Ben is prone to be. Like he absolutely will be unless Rey wears him down. 

“We should see if someone is willing to change rooms-”

“Benjamin Solo, we will not be changing rooms with anybody tonight. They are all drunk. Like, three-dollar-margs-at-Maz’s drunk. If we use our sobriety to con some unsuspecting friend out of their room, we will not hear the end of it. And I, for one, don’t want to start the week off on the wrong foot.” Rey crosses her arm, hopefully showing a steely and firm demeanor. Not that her 5’7 stature is much against his 6’3 sasquatch-ness, but she tries.

Ben hangs his head and she knows she’s won. “Fine, we’ll barter in the morning.”

“Fine. As a gift to you, I will even take the top bunk so that you don’t hit your head on the ceiling. Ya know, with your freakishly tall body, and all,” Rey says. She doesn’t mention that it’s been her life goal to be able to have the top bunk on a bunk bed. One she’s sure she should have outgrown, but clearly hasn't. 

“How generous of you,” Ben says, like he knows. He turns around and walks into the bathroom, probably going to inspect just how much it doesn’t meet his standards. Rey decided so survey her territory and begins climbing  the ladder onto her bunk. 

By the time she makes it to the top of the ladder it is clear that something is missing. Something essential to a bed. Something that makes her second guess using her power of lucidness to take one of her friends room. Something that makes her cringe as she calls out for Ben.

“Yeah?” He asks sticking his head out of the bathroom. 

“The top bunk is missing something.”

“What?”

“Something very important.”

“Rey.”

“A mattress.”

Rey makes it a habit to never let Ben frown. Mostly because he’s her best friend and she’s heard frowning can induce early-onset wrinkles and a whole slew of other reasons that she’s unwilling to admit to herself. But she knows there isn’t much she can do to stop it now.

“That’s it; I’m going to Poe. We shouldn’t be punished for being the last ones here. This is ridiculous-” Ben goes to march up the stairs, but Rey flings herself in front of him, putting her hands on his chest to stop him.

“It is not that big of a deal. I’ll just… make a pallet on the floor. It’s really no trouble.”

“Rey, you shouldn’t have to-”

“It’ll be just like old times! I used to do this all the time when I was a kid. Honestly, I’ll be okay.” Ben goes rigid at her words. Rey thinks he might be the only other person in the world who resents how she grew up as much as she does. This is also something Rey is unwilling to admit to herself as to why.

She feels him take a deep breath, chest rising and falling beneath her hands.

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. We can just… share,” Ben says, making Rey smile. 

“Really? You don’t mind?” She implores. He shrugs, remaining indifferent.

“You don’t snore… too badly.” Rey playfully swats his chest and Ben just laughs down at her.

Rey is relived by this. It makes her think this will be fine. That it’ll be no big deal. That sharing a bed with her unearthly beautiful and kind best friend who is built like a brick shit-house and cares about her probably more than she cares about herself will be absolutely, totally, completely fine. 

She hopes.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? 97%. Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Some family members on my dad’s side have had cancer and diabetes runs in my mom’s side. Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say? My mom and brother. I was just talking about how I was hungry and if they were going to go soon to get the food. What’s your favourite Mexican dish? Burritos. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah.

How far do you live from New York City? The previous survey just asked me how far I live from New Jersey. Anyway, it would also take about 43 hours by car,  5-9 hours by plane. How often do you talk to your parents? Everyday, all the time. We live together and we’re close. What was the weather like in your town today? It rained a bit off and on and was super windy. Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? “I don’t know.” ha. How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? One, technically. I always count what Joseph and I had, whatever it was. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah. What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? In theaters it was Glass. I saw it with my mom. What’s the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Derek. Do you clean your ears daily? No. It’s not good to do that. What accent do you have? A California one? It’s weird cause I don’t think of myself having an accent, but I guess we all do. What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? A lavender scented one. Have you ever dated a model? No. What’s the best job you’ve ever had? Never had a job. How about the worst? Do you have naturally straight hair? It’s more wavy. What is your ultimate goal in life? I just want to get to a good place health wise, both mentally and physically. That’s my main thing right now. Some things I’ll always have to deal with, but I would like to be able to get to a place where things are better managed. I don’t want my health to hold me back and have this hold over my life anymore. Have you ever visited someone in prison? Yeah. What months were you and your siblings born in? I was born in July, my younger brother was born in February, and my older brother was born in November. Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? Yeah. What are your three favourite vegetables? Broccoli, spinach, and corn. How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? I go on there at least a couple times a day. I don’t spend much time on it, though. I just scroll through the feed for a few minutes. When was the last time you had a blocked nose? Back in January. Who is your favourite comedian? I don’t have one What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? Black. What did you have for dinner last night? Salisbury steaks and mashed potatoes. What was the last concert you went to? Green Day back in 2009. Are you an ugly crier? Yeah. I’m just ugly, ha. What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? Soap scent. Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No. Who do you live with? My parents, younger brother, and doggo. What letter does your street name begin with? Nah. Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I tweeze them. When was the last time you ate at McDonald’s? January some time. What’s your favourite Popsicle flavour? Not a Popsicle fan. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? I don’t recall. Do you have any injuries at the moment? Yeah. A permanent one (spinal cord injury) and something else. Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? No. I’ve been to the optometrist, though. Do you own any animal print clothes? No. Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I’m short. When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? I haven’t been myself in quite awhile. My mom picks up my medicine. Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? Yeah. Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? Yes. Twice. Good times. Actually, it was a few times with Joseph. Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? No. I need to be better with that. What’s your favourite sweet treat to bake? Cupcakes. Are you good at flirting and letting people know you’re interested? Ha, no. What did you have for breakfast today? Eggs and fried potatoes. Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Savory. Do you like chick-flicks? Yeah. Have you ever taken an acting class? Actually, yes. Two. :O What is your favourite kind of berry? Strawberry. When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? I’m watching one now. How often do you use Youtube? Everyday. I listen to a lot of ASMR, and I also watch some vlogs. Do you prefer Prince or Michael Jackson? Well, I liked a lot of Michael Jackson’s music, but now with everything currently going on and all the allegations... What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever dressed up as for Halloween? Nothing all that cool. Are you ignoring anyone right now? Not intentionally, but that is what has happened. :/ How do you usually style your hair? Up in a pony tail. I don’t do anything with my hair. I grew it out down to my butt after having the short “bob” hairstyle for awhile, and shoulder length before that, only to do absolutely nothing with it. Part of me wants to cut it short again because I just don’t have the energy to deal with the maintenance of long hair and it’d be so much easier, but ugh it took so long to grow it out like this. I’m torn. Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? I’ve never worked in a store. Or anywhere. I’ve witness someone shoplifting before, though. When was the last time you used a stove? Yesterday. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Seafood. Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m always either sitting or lying down. How many hours per week do you typically work? What was the last pill or tablet you took? My pain med. How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? Less than a 5 minute drive. Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? No. Who was the last person you complimented? My mom. Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you’ve slept plenty? Haha I never feel like I’ve slept plenty. Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? No. The age old question: dogs or cats? Dogs. When was the last time you saw your best friend? I see my mom all the time. Do you know any couples who resemble each other? No. Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? Are you tired right now? Always. Do you like spring rolls? Yeah. What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Street. How many purses or handbags do you own? A few. Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? Yeah. I’m not close with all of them, but yeah we get along. Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn’t want to hear? Yes. When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? I used colored pencils this afternoon. What’s your favourite type of curry? I don’t eat it. Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? Not often, but it happens now and then. Who makes you laugh the hardest? My doggo and brother. Have you ever had casual sex? No. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Food. What’s the last letter of your middle name? Nah. If your phone rang right now from a number you don’t know, would you answer? Nope. How long is your hair? It’s down to my butt. What was your first pet’s name and how did you pick that? Scruffy. I don’t recall how we picked that name, I wasn’t even 5 years old, yet. Do you drink diet or regular soda? Regular. Have you ever been to Europe? No. I’d love to go, though. Do you worry about your own health? All the time. It’s something I worry and deal with every single day, all day. Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? I haven’t made plans in a long time. Can you smell anything right now? No. How old were you when you got your first cell phone? Like 16. When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? Myself, personally... I don’t recall. The last few pairs my parents got for me for Christmas or my birthday. Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? I can’t get behind putting vegetables in my smoothies. lol. Everyone says you can’t taste them when mixed with fruits, but it just sounds gross. Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yeah. Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? Colder. How tall are your highest heels? I don’t wear heels. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Vanilla. When did you wake up today? 530 at first, then about 8ish. Do you change your appearance often? No. What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green. Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Why? No. How many people do you work with? What was the last thing you ate? Burger King chicken sandwich and fries around 130 this afternoon. It’s now 930 at night. Normally I would have had dinner by now, but first there were car troubles that prolonged things and now the place we got takeout from is busy and it’s taking forever. Ughhh. Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? No. Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? Yes.

[bondsmagii]

here’s the rest of those questions because I can’t resist a challenge

1: Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

I don’t actually use any of them... used to use Spotify until it betrayed me by capping me at 10hrs of music a month. like bitch I listen to 10hrs in a day lmao. at the time I couldn’t even afford the small monthly charge so I stopped using it and now my petty ass won’t give them a penny.

2: is your room messy or clean?

clean but cluttered. there’s nothing gross like trash or used plates, but there’s a lot of random stacks of paper, books, notes, etc. it’s alright at the moment seems there’s been a recent tidy, but usually it’s very cluttered.

3: what color are your eyes?

green! I also have heterochromia, so there’s a thin ring of brown around both irises, and a small slice of brown in one eye.

5: what is your relationship status? 

dating @karlacton​ and have been since 2015!

7: what color hair do you have?

it’s black, which is pretty cool. emo me loved it.

8: what kind of car do you drive? color?

I drive a renault and it’s silver!

9: where do you shop?

like.. for what? groceries? clothes? books? because aside from “tesco” I couldn’t tell you, it’s usually all online. if I’m splashing out on books I’ll go to Waterstone’s.

11: favorite social media account

I hate them all. release me.

12: what size bed do you have?

a queen, I think? or a double? I don’t even know if there’s a difference.

13: any siblings?

one older brother, deceased.

15: favorite snapchat filter?

I don’t have snapchat.

16: favourite makeup brand(s)

I don’t know shit about makeup.

17: how many times a week do you shower?

it sounds bad because it averages out to three or four times a week, but when you remember that my days are frequently 36-48hrs long, it averages out to about every other day.

18: favorite tv show?

I don’t own a TV or keep up with much shows, but I do binge-watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

19: shoe size?

uk size 7.

21: sandals or sneakers?

sneakers. fuck sandals.

22: do you go to the gym?

lmao

23: describe your dream date

good food, scary movies, urbexing, driving around to good music, more good food. an equal balance of opportunity to talk and opportunity to see if the silence is comfortable.

24: how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

I don’t carry cash. or a wallet, for that matter.

25: what color socks are you wearing?

black.

27: do you have a job? what do you do?

I do, but I can’t go into specific details. it’s to do with computers and security.

28: how many friends do you have?

I got no fucking clue my dude. depending on the definition of friend, anywhere between 2 to 15 or so.

29: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

you’d probably have to ask somebody else if I’m honest, I don’t have a good grasp of what’s actually bad or not lol. there’s stuff I might consider bad for a while, but then I get over it and stop seeing it as such a big deal. there’s some stuff that might count from a legal standpoint, in terms of like I don’t know, how seriously it would be taken, but I’m not sure of the statute of limitations on it so fuck if I’m mentioning it.

32: 3 favorite girl names?

saoirse, vesper, oksana

35: who is your celebrity crush?

bitch colin firth

37: do you read a lot? what’s your favorite book?

I read a hell of a lot, usually between 2-4 books at the same time. as for favourites I have way too many, so if you wan recs keep an eye on my reading list and see what I’m screaming about.

38: money or brains?

brains. if you play your cards right, brains can get money.

39: do you have a nickname? what is it?

people who know me in other places call me Rat, either because I like the animal or because of the hacker from The Core; people who know me from the SCP Foundation call me Konny or Kon, after the character.

41: top 10 favorite songs

right now: 

Space Oddity by David Bowie

Never Quite Free by The Mountain Goats

We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Joel

The Longest Time by Billy Joel

Brothers on a Hotel Bed by Death Cab For Cutie

Blame by Bastille

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder by The Secret Sisters

Nothing to Remember by Neko Case

All Alright by fun.

The Spine Song by Cake Bake Betty

this changes like, daily, by the way.

42: do you take any medications daily?

nope.

43: what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

normal? bit dry in some places at the moment though, but it always is at this time of the year -- the cold air coming down from the mountains will blast freeze anyone’s skin.

44: what is your biggest fear? 

the current rise in fascism erupting into another world war or holocaust.

45: how many kids do you want?

ideally I would have wanted two or three, but life circumstances have made it so it’s best I don’t have children, unfortunately.

47: what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

the place in scotland is a three-bedroom flat which is quite large. the place in london is a two-bedroom flat which is slightly smaller but still big for that area of london.

48: who is your role model?

writing-wise, john le carré and stephen king. life-wise, kim philby for the scamming and productivity, and lord byron for the scandal.

49: what was the last compliment you received?

I can’t even remember. probably something to do with my writing, as I’ve been sharing that with some people recently.

51: how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

santa is real my good bitch

52: what is your dream car? 

literally no idea.

53: opinion on smoking?

I smoke occasionally and don’t care if people choose to or not, however I support the smoking ban in public areas and I will be an asshole and cough loudly if you blow it directly in my face.

54: do you go to college? 

graduated.

55: what is your dream job?

anything fast-paced, high-risk, and that requires me to constantly keep learning and improving myself to keep up.

58: do you have freckles? 

some in the summer, across my nose and cheeks.

60: how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

a couple of hundred.

61: have you ever peed in the woods? 

absolutely. it’s a necessity when homeless/on road trips.

62: do you still watch cartoons? 

nope.

63: do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

never been to Wendy’s so McDonalds by default. love me some McNuggets.

65: what do you wear to bed? 

sweatpants, an old t-shirt, and a hoodie. it’s the mountains, I need to wrap up.

66: have you ever won a spelling bee?

nah, we don’t have them here but I did come top of my class during spelling tests all through primary school.

67: what are your hobbies?

reading, writing, photography, urban exploring, paranormal research, soviet history, researching espionage, meteorology, a whole load of things.

70: what was the last concert you saw? 

florence and the machine probably.

71: tea or coffee?

both depending on my mood, though I go through stages of drinking one more than the other. right now I drink more coffee than tea.

72: Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

never been to Dunkin Donuts, so Starbucks.

73: do you want to get married?

one day, hopefully.

74: what is your crush’s first and last initial?

CF, take a wild guess lmao

75: are you going to change your last name when you get married?

acton and I have discussed if we ever get married, finding a cool name we both like to change our last names to. so maybe.

76: what color looks best on you? 

green.

77: do you miss anyone right now? 

not really, to be honest. I don’t miss people often. I might have moments of oh, I wish they were still in my life, but it’s never a constant thing, thankfully. it sounds like it would be a drag.

78: do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed right now, we need all the heat conservation we can get.

79: do you believe in ghosts?

hell yeah I do. had lots of experiences too!

81: last person you called

my boss?

82: favorite ice cream flavor? 

mint choc chip.

83: regular oreos or golden oreos? 

regular.

84: chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

both.

86: what is your phone background?

lmao it’s a picture of julian assange because I live to annoy him.

87: are you outgoing or shy?

I’m very outgoing. a lot of people think I’m shy but actually I just go through stages of being really anti-social.

89: do you like your neighbors? 

I have no major issues with them but they’re a weird bunch. the downstairs neighbour I’m pretty sure is a ghost, and the neighbours across the way are so strange. they do DIY in the dead of night and several of them just sit in their cars at 3am with the lights on, staring at nothing. odd.

90: do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

when I shower, or if I have something on it. I don’t have a routine.

91: have you ever been high? 

yes.

92: have you ever been drunk? 

way too many times.

95: summer or winter? 

aesthetically? winter. in terms of not feeling suicidal all the time? summer.

96: day or night? 

night. I’m a night hoe.

99: what is your zodiac sign

aquarius, watch out. 

100: who was the last person you cried in front of? 

no one bitch... I don’t cry

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #111

You know you’re from North Carolina when...

- You either have the lighthouse or the plane on your driver's license (nobody gets the seal). (don't have my license *shrug emoticon*) - You roll your eyes and correct people that pronounce it "App-a-LAY-shun" instead of "App-a-LATCH-un." - You have probably been to the Biltmore Estate (AKA America's only castle) before on a school field trip. - If there is even a CHANCE of snow school will be cancelled for a week, the grocery store will be out of milk and bread, and everyone will be afraid to drive. (THIS IS SOOO FUCKING TRUE) - You either like light blue or dark blue, not both. - Some of your family members probably make/sell real moonshine and it's WAY better than that knock-off crap they sell in gas stations now. (I know someone who does, though.) - Cook Out is life. - You have waited in line in your car for two or three hours just to see a street of Christmas lights in McAdenville (AKA Christmastown, USA). - In elementary school you heard the phrases "Duke is puke! Wake is fake! But NC State is the one we hate!" and "You can't get to heaven in a red canoe 'cause God's favorite color is CAROLINA BLUE!" thanks to your obnoxious UNC-loving classmates. - Billy Graham is a state-wide hero and you've probably been to his beautiful library. - You often wonder why Charlotte isn't the capital instead of Raleigh. - Two of God's greatest gifts were invented in North Carolina: Cheerwine and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. (I've never had Cheerwine) - NASCAR is a big deal. (Not to me, but to literally almost everyone else, yeah.) - In school there was importance placed on the Lost Colony, Blackbeard, and tobacco. - It doesn't matter what time of year you go swimming in the mountains, the river water is always freezing. - You've been to Sliding Rock before. - "Wagon Wheel" (by Old Crow Medicine Show) is a very important song to you and you knew it way before Darius Rucker covered it. - Occasionally, you have to worry about a hurricane destroying your town. (We get hurricanes every couple years I'd say, but the bad ones usually curve back into the ocean.) - Bojangles is the best way to cure a hangover. (You haven't fuckin' lived until you go to Bojo's, but it's not gonna cure a hangover.) - We love going "all the way," AKA chili, slaw, onions, and mustard on our hotdogs. (Again, not me, but pretty much everyone else.) - You brag about all the amazing movies filmed here, including "The Last of the Mohicans," "Dirty Dancing," "The Hunger Games," "A Walk to Remember," "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby," and "The Color Purple." - And also the popular TV shows filmed in North Carolina, including "One Tree Hill," "Homeland," "Under the Dome," "Sleepy Hollow" and "Dawson's Creek." - You rep 23 because the greatest basketball player of all time is also from here: Michael Jordan. - There are two kinds of barbecue: Eastern-style and Lexington-style, and you probably have a preference. Either way, North Carolina has the best barbecue in the country. - And barbecue is a NOUN, not a verb. - We have some of the best breweries in the country, also. - The ACC tournament is an extremely important time of the year where families and friendships will be torn apart. - Many people think North Carolina is super conservative, until they make their way to Asheville. (Uh, no. The entire state is conservative.) - There's nothing more relaxing than driving along the Blue Ridge Parkway in the fall. - You've definitely been to Carowinds and then realized it's not that great. - Every hour is happy hour to you, because North Carolina legally cannot have an official happy hour! - You can always see a lovely dogwood tree blooming in the spring. (Never, ever, do you want to smell one.) - You will fight anyone who says Ohio was first in flight. - If you need to buy furniture, there are only two places to go: Hickory or High Point. - You know the North Carolina mountains are the best and only place to get a Christmas tree. - You know the struggle of waiting to get your after 9's when you first get your driver's license. (It's the same for a permit.) - Even though we're on the coast, most people go to the beach in South Carolina. - You think the Rocky Mountains are great, but the Blue Ridge Mountains are home. - Tracking red clay into your house is normal. - You had to memorize the names of all the North Carolina lighthouses in 4th grade. - You either conquered the swinging mile-high bridge on Grandfather Mountain, or turned around halfway in fear. - There's a certain time of summer when it's too hot to even go swimming because the pool water feels like bathwater. - People from other states get confused when you say you're going to Beech and grab your skiing gear. (Lmao what.) - You know our state motto "esse quam videri" (meaning "to be, rather than to seem") is an appropriate representation of our great state. (Well that's a load of shit.) - You have strong feelings about barbeque. (Yeah, in the sense that I hate it.) - Somehow our favorite team always come down to some last-minute victory or loss. Ensue floods of tears. - On a Florida vacation at least three people have asked you where you're from. (My grandma lives in Florida.) - You LIKE tobacco, as in, the gorgeous tobacco fields and the rich heritage it has in our state. - You've partied in a field. (We were what, 13, so it wasn't exactly a "party," but we played out there, if that counts?) - It's not Christmas unless you watch the Andy Griffith Christmas Episode - It doesn't feel like fall unless you visit the State Fair. - Summer vacations meant one thing, ferry rides to the Outer Banks. (Again, to other people. OBX is huge here.) - You've bought watermelons, peaches, and vegetables off the side of the road. (I don't trust that shit.) - You have mixed feelings about Myrtle Beach. - You've attended a pig pickin'. (And they're fucking gross.) - Your accent and dialect varies depending on which part of the state you grew up in. - You've never met ANY celebrities. - You measure distance in minutes. (Literally everyone here does.) - Down South to you means South Carolina. (It can.) - You know Pepsi originated in New Bern, Cheerwine in Salisbury, and that Mountain Dew was invented in Fayetteville. (I knew they were all invented here, but not where specifically.) - You know Coke tastes better in the little bottles and that peanuts make coke taste even better. (Don't like peanuts) - Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves. - Your school took a field trip to the State Fair in Raleigh. - You watched as Dale Earnhardt was the only man who ever lived who could go 200 mph, spin somebody out, flip them the bird, call them a you-know-what, and win the race all in the last lap. - You skipped school to go to Dale Earnhardt's memorial service. - You know a bunch of people who have hit a deer. (Like everyone lmao) - You know a few that have also hit a bear. - You remember watching the ACC Tournament on television at school. - The local newspaper covers state, national, and international headlines in one page, but sports require six pages. - Most men in town consider the first day of deer season a national holiday. - Fifty degrees Fahrenheit is "a little chilly" (To other people; that's like perfect for me.) - You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Conetoe" or "Top Sail" (I've been to Conetoe once and it blew my mind how it was pronounced lol.  I didn't know Top Sail had a weird pronunciation...?) - Your school classes were canceled because of cold. - Your school classes were canceled because of heat. - Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. (Happens rarely.) - You know tea is served sweet unless you specifically asked for unsweetened. - You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day. - You end your sentences with a preposition, for example, "Where's my coat at?" "What's that made out of?" (Doesn't... everyone sometimes...?) - All the festivals around the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or tobacco. - You know the difference between a deer dog, a bear dog and a coon dog by the way they bark. - Your four seasons are almost summer, summer, still summer, and highway construction. (PRETTY FUCKING MUCH.) - You think the four major food groups are beef, pork, beer, and Jello salad with marshmallows. - Schools and churches hold barbecue fundraisers with banana pudding as the dessert. - Your folks would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's. - You know what "cow tipping" is. - You say, “it don’t” instead of “it doesn’t." - You sometimes eat country ham, grits and eggs for supper. - “Onced” and “twiced” are words. - You know how much a "mess" of anything is. - You say "tater" instead of "potato" - You say "skeeter" instead of "mosquito" - You say "possum" instead of "opossum" - You say "coon" instead of "raccoon" - You know that "barbeque" means cooking pork on an open pit and a "cook out" is grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. - You know that "pop" is a sound, and "soda" is used for baking. - Everything tastes better when served in a mason jar. - You'll never hear anything more passive-aggressive than "bless your heart!" - Everyone knows someone who's in the military. - Everyone seriously loves the North Carolina Zoo. - People have to ask, "Is there alcohol in this?" - You loooove Sun Drop. - You know to NEVER go to the Crabtree Valley Mall on the weekend. (Never, ever, do it.)

[jbuffyangel]

Hey Jen, you trully are a rare gem for any fandom worthy to have you! Beyond happy you're part of the Olicity fandom! Only one thing I would like you to address, esp given your knowledge of TV and how the business works. So, what is your view on ratings for Arrow Season 5? The decline in ratings goes ofc accross shows and channels as a general trend nowadays. But specifically how do you feel about Arrow ratings this year? TY!

What a sweet thing to say. I am but one among many, but you are so incredibly kind. Thank you. Hope you don’t mind that I’m publishing this ask because I always like ratings questions. I think they are fun. Yes. I am weird. I don’t know if it’s knowledge. It’s more a weird obsession combined with some (hopefully) educated guesses. (Some of this will be a repeat for those who’ve read my thoughts on ratings before).

Stumbled on this article today. Vulture always takes a look at returning/aging dramas and writes an article on rating trends every year. It’s a good read. The take away is it’s been a rough year for everyone. Most returning/aging dramas saw a significant drop in their live ratings. This was The CW:

31% drop is… well… ouch. 

I agree with Vulture. I don’t know a network executive that would be happy with any of these drops because they like money. Loss of revenue is not good. Networks ain’t never gonna be a fan of that. A live ratings decrease = a loss of ad based revenue. 

But am I worried about Arrow? NOPE. The single most important question any fan of a television show that airs on The CW should ask is…

How in sweet holy heaven does The CW make money?

This article just published ratings losses, so everything looks equal across the board. However, if you compare ratings for The CW versus the Big Four (NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox) they aren’t even in the same ballpark. This is David versus Goliath. So, if television is all about live ratings - how does The CW even freaking exist? They are trounced on a nightly basis by all the other networks. I mean look at these numbers of the Top 10. My kingdom for a CW show to get these kind of numbers. lol

The answer is simple - The CW has a differentbusiness model than the Big Four. IT ALWAYS HAS. Otherwise it couldn’t compete.The CW business structure is not based on live ratings. That is not how thesetelevision shows make the majority of their money. Coke and McDonalds willalways want to air commercials on Greys Anatomy versus Arrow because it hastriple the freaking audience. They might have to pay more for Greys than Arrow,but ya know, it’s Coke so they can afford it. 

I’m not saying The CW doesn’t have a target market that appeals to advertisers. They do. Live ratings do matter to some degree, but that degree is 5% of Arrow’s actual value. Or at least that’s the number Stephen Amell offered at HVFF Chicago. Stephen confirmed what I’ve always believed about Arrow and The CW and what I’ve been writing about for years.

A 30% drop in the 5% overall value of a product is nothing to get overly worked up about. I’m sorry folks. It’s just not. A network is always going to want more money. They want Arrow to have a 0.9 and 2.5 million viewers every year until it goes off air. They aren’t running a charity here. 

The CW doesn’t want a 30% drop, but they aren’t canceling Arrow because of it. Especially if Arrow has remained profitable in other areas.

So, how does The CW make money? Well… some of this is research and some of this is guessing, but I think their business structure is primarily focused on two things 1) International sales 2) Streaming services 

I have nothing on the international sales, other than to guess that CW shows are popular overseas and that’s one way the network makes some money on the front end. For me, this really comes down to streaming. The CW demographic watches TV differently. I think the network came to that realization sooner than the Big Four simply because they had to in order to make money. The Big Four are catching on though too. 

So, streaming applications like the CW app or Netflix are extemely important. This is an informative article about the deal The CW made with Netflix and the collapse of their other agreement with Hulu.  Keep in mind that Netflix now gets CW shows eight days after the season is complete. So, given the target demographic (and the lack of commercials on Netflix) it would not surprise me if some of the 30% drop is attributed to viewers simply waiting until full seasons of The Flash or Arrow come out so they can binge it. The concern what this eight day deal would do to live ratings is highlighted in the article. 

Five year shows typically do not see growth, especially on The CW. The more realistic goal I believe for returning series 5+ years is to remain flat or bleed off slowly as a series ages. Sure, out of the four DC shows Arrow had the lowest ratings this year. It is also the oldest out of the four. I do think audiences can wain over time. 

However, if this is merely a transfer of audience, and not a loss of audience, then it could be a net wash overall. Here’s the kicker - Netflix does not publish any ratings information. They publish what their most popular shows are, but that is not the same thing. (Btw Arrow is always on their popular show lists). 

Here’s the other thing - Arrow’s ratings are nowhere near the red zone for The CW even with a 30% drop. It’s important to note that there are plenty of shows on the CW who have ratings far lower than Arrow and were renewed. We need to be asking ourselves why? WHY does The CW renew most of their returning series?

First - low ratings for The CW versus low ratings for the Big Four are not the same thing. I don’t know the ratio for ratings & profitability for the CW, but there’s plenty of shows I thought were tanking that limped their way to second, third and even fourth seasons.

I think the answer again is streaming services. What Netflix is interested in is completed series. They want a show they can package from start to finish so the 18-34 demo can binge it. The networks want people to watch previous seasons and then shift to the currently airing season. This is why I believe shows like The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Reign and Beauty and the Beast all received renewals when their live ratings were not in tip top shape. The CW wants completed series they can package and ship off to Netflix. This is how they make their money on the back end.

This is actually one of the things I like best about The CW. If a series has a reasonably decent ratings the first season (and especially if there is a social media response) then we stand a good chance of getting another season. The CW allows series to find their footing and come to a conclusion because of their business model. The Big Four are still focused on live ratings numbers because, despite the shift in thinking, I believe most of their profitability is generated from those ad buys. I am always far more nervous for one of my low rated shows if it airs on CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox than I am if it airs on The CW.

That’s not to say a show is not in risk of cancellation on The CW. If you have low ratings in the first season, and by low I mean low for The CW, then no - you probably aren’t not coming back for a round 2. (Here’s looking at you Frequency). But every television show is different. So it all depends.

Yes, Arrow took a 30% hit. It is still the #4 show on the network. Not too shabby after five years and, just looking at the shows that come before it, I have to believe it’s cheaper to produce based on the CGI budget ALONE.

I know people want to point to the live ratings as evidence that the plotlines they are unhappy with were indeed terrible decisions. And sure… maybe it means that, but I don’t know how we quantify that. Ratings don’t tell us why people watch. Nor do I need ratings to support my opinions on storylines either way. If I don’t like something - I don’t like it. If I do… well… I do. Whether or not the Nielson company shows the rest of the viewing audience agreeing with me doesn’t really sway me either way. I have adored series that Nielson couldn’t find with two flashlights and a map and couldn’t stand series that were in the Top 10 every week. TV is subjective like any other art form. 

And I cannot emphasize enough that the Nielson rating system is absolutely and unequivocally archaic. It needs to change, like yesterday. When that happens who knows?  

Are the ratings evidence regarding poorly received or successful storylines? Maybe? Not sure on that piece. There’s a lot of factors that go into Nielson ratings too. I think what people are hoping for is the decrease in live ratings will mean Olicity won’t break up again or be distant or have storylines like Baby Mama. That the writers will use the numbers to make plotline decisions.

Ummm… yeah I don’t know guys. I really don’t. Arrow knew going into the second season Oliver would choose Felicity. They knew going into the third season Olicity would leave town together. Arrow knew going into the fourth season they were going to break Olicity up. Ratings didn’t break Olicity up (or save them from it) anymore than it will get them back together. Arrow knew going into the fifth season that Olicity will get back together. Ratings didn’t speed up that conclusion any sooner because it was the year long arc.

I’m not sure how much ratings effect actual storytelling decisions. To be honest, I don’t think they impact the current season all that much simply because Arrow is filming so far in advance. Once they pick a road my friends they have to go down it. This is like the rudder on the Titanic. It doesn’t corner worth a damn. For better or for worse.

How will this impact Season 6? Err… not sure. I don’t want to completely discount the live ratings because it’s numbers. It’s some math the network and EPs can use gauge some of the audience’s response. They are trying to sell a product here. Audience response does matter. It’s just… I don’t think the live ratings have the level of impact we think they do. There’s a whole bunch of numbers we don’t have access to. 5% is not going to determine storylines in their entirety. There’s many other factors at play and some of them are simply writing choices.

Arrow is going to do what Arrow is going to do. There will be storylines I love. There will be storylines I hate. That’s just Arrow for me. Olicity will always face drama because it’s a dramatic television show. Ratings aren’t going to guarantee some perfect season in which we get everything we want. Ratings aren’t going to stop mistakes from happening. That’s not how writing works. There is no perfect season of Arrow for me. Even when its numbers were sky high I can point to three or four things I didn’t enjoy. If Olicity stays together it’s because that’s where the writers determine they want the story to go and remain. Which, just so we’re clear, is where I think the story is headed. 

If this was all about live ratings well then the DC shows should just do crossovers all the damn time because that’s when everyone gets a major bump. But then that would get old and they’d need to come up with something new. Balancing what people love about the show while infusing it with new aspects to keep it interesting is one of the more difficult things writers have to do. Every season it’s done to varying levels of success.

But I was never worried about Arrow’s ratings this year. I was always confident we’d get a Season 6. Not to count my chickens, but I’m confident we’ll get a Season 7 because that’s how long the network has Stephen Amell signed for. Mostly, I’m just kicking back and watching the show. Enjoying what I enjoy and disliking what I dislike. Like every other season. :) And very much looking forward to next season.

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... Rick and Morty (S03E02) Rickmancing The Stone Airdate: July 30, 2017 @adultswim Ratings: 2.859 Million :: 1.48 18-49 Demo Share Score: 8.5/10 @cartoonnetwork @danharmon TVTime/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Path/Pinterest: @SpotlightSaga *********MINIMAL TO NO SPOILERS********* Change is fucking hard. When something as monumental as divorce goes down during your childhood, whether it be at a very young age to all the way through to your later teen years and even beyond, it's never an easy adjustment. While it's true that i don't have a father, biologically speaking (I do but he literally has NEVER contacted me - lines open, pussy, redemption is just a call away), I was lucky enough to see my mother stand by her husband, a man whose rightfully earned the title of 'Dad' in my life. Don't trip, I'm not getting mushy here, I know my cartoon audience! Parents fuck us up, then they nag, then they don't speak to you, then they smother you (sometimes with a pillow). It's a vicious cycle, really. Seeing my mother stand by a man who literally almost completely destroyed himself and nearly took everyone down the dark and treacherous rabbit hole of addiction with him was extremely confusing. I harbored feelings of anger and resentment at first, but after awhile he made spectacular & unexpected life changes for the better. Suddenly I realized he wasn't some shit sucking asshole, he was just human, something we're all guilty of in one way or another. People make mistakes, and they sometimes self-destruct for no reason at all, and most everyone's first 'Fight or Flight' reaction is to pack up your shit and fucking RUN. I'm so glad that my mother didn't do that, we have our differences, but my Dad is one of the few male role models I have, that actually taught me something real in this world and given things I can really use and apply to real life situations. Sometimes you have to step away from people for awhile, but if you really love them, you never give up. I'm not sure if 'Rick & Morty' is the best place to pull out my existential bucket of ooey-gooey fun, maybe sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't... That's the incredible thing about this series in general! Where a great toon like 'Mike Tyson Mysteries' is frankly all fun & games, 'Rick & Morty' is layered (like a fucking onion, y'all) and far more than just a slapstick cartoon for stoners. People are finding that not only is this series funny beyond all reason, it's also incredibly endearing and real. The series main character, chemical friendly & artist of intellect, Rick Sanchez (Justin Rowland), would never admit it, but underneath all the multi-dimensional murders and lowbrow side effects from his chemical hobbies is a regular, mad scientist type Grandpa with a big ol' heart. Don't get me wrong, Rick has every right to tell Jerry (Chris Parnell) to fuck off... The whole 'tiny planet' fiasco and selling Rick out just wasn't a good look, it was a pathetic disaster, a true low point, and it landed Jerry in a job where he's paid in pill supplements and is basically a cuckold to the invading alien race... Oh, and then there's that god-awful windbreaker. Most straight men have problems dressing themselves after a separation or divorce, but damn... Can't nobody tell Jerry 1992 has long since came and gone, even though I wish it hadn't!?! Beth (Sarah Chalke) and Jerry had already been on the outs for two seasons, so this whole divorce thing was a long time coming. As much as I hate Gary's new post-relationship windbreaker, I am so in love with this new, improved, 'no fucks given' Summer Smith (Spencer Grammer). I feel like the place that Summer is at in her life in this very moment is the exact same place I would be and the exact same something I would do if I had an evil/heartwarming genius Grandfather, like Rick, who could travel back in time & space and alternate dimensions... And spend extended time in another realm ala Turbo Kid (2015), Doomsday (2008), or Escape From New York (1981 - Prepare for more Post-Apocalyptic film references). Not all R&M fans are happy tho, but that's because the show is expanding and going deeper... We're seeing an important evolution of the show and like it or not, it's a road that's necessary for the series to take so that it may spread its wings, giving us something new every time. R&M isn't a show that just pops us often... It's sacred, there's nothing on tv like it. It's literally a revolutionary metamorphosis for the #animatedseries genre. It cannot keep giving you the same ol', same ol' and hitting that one note that caught our attention in the first place and still survive with integrity... There's so many goddamn different and unexpected notes that this show can and will hit, both in the near and distant future, that it's completely unfair to ask it to remain stagnant so that we can have our normal R&M laughs. Shit just doesn't work like that, bruh'. Morty is terrified of this new Summer... But I don't think it's purely 'genuine concern'. Sure, that's a part of it, but already in S3 we are seeing Summer kind of inch him out of his co-anchor or sidekick spot with his Grandad. It's never easy to share the attention and affection of the ones we love, especially when the 'one that's loved' in question can literally make the impossible completely and totally possible. Morty has his own shit he's dealing with though, hell even Rick is feeling the toxic effects of the biggest divorce ever broadcast on animated tv. Weird, but true. In 'Rickmancing The Stone', Morty, Summer, and Rick all head to a 'Mad Max', post apocalyptic, style universe where men wear buckets on their heads, killing is for sport, and ultimately a place where you have to fight for all the things you want, to the death... Basically the literal opposite of what Jerry is doing with Beth. It's all a fantastic juxtaposition of the very life back at their original 'Earth 1' that they are trying to escape from and it's incredible to see this 'Nihilistic Wasteland' through three different sets of eyes, each character gaining something different from the experience. Spotlight Saga's Cartoon Fans are incredibly strict when it comes to spoilers, so I'm not here to spoil the episode (Spoiler Free! Yayy). I know that there are many of you, outside of TVTime, that read these articles for the content and don't necessarily watch the show. I'd love to take you deeper on this one, but I simply can't. We can give you the rundown on the basic plot, but trust me, anything beyond that and Cartoon Purists will legit crucify all of us over here on a broken telephone pole. Besides, when we tell you that 'Rick & Morty' could possibly be the greatest American Animated Television Series of All Time... We fucking mean it. This isn't a show that you want to miss out on, so those that are avid readers (and yeah, we fucking love you for it), know that this is one of the special ones that you need to set your DVR, buy the season on #Vudu or wherever you can access it and give it a thorough once, twice, three or even more times over. I, myself, have personally watched this particular episode 4 times already, and it won't be the last. The series, as a whole, is still holding strong at #7 on #IMDB's user rated list of Top Rated TV Shows (of all time), holding a 9.3/10 with nearly 138,000 votes and counting. That's some seriously heavy shit for an Adult Swim cartoon to find itself smack dab in the middle of a comprehensive list of all the greats w/series like GOT, Breaking Bad, The Wire, and The Sopranos. It's seriously everything that everyone says it is and more. Really. Those that ARE watching and are a little taken aback by the show suddenly taking a new direction and tackling serious issues through brand new avenues, give it a chance. This show has done right by you so far, it's definitely not going to let you down. I rarely put my stamp on a series outside of praising a season, or certain episodes because you never know what kind of hard turn a show is going to take... But let me tell you... I believe in 'Rick & Morty', and wherever this fresh faced S3 is taking us, I want in on the fucked up, Science Fiction laced, blood soaked, LSD inspired shot storm of a road trip fully stocked with McDonald's Mulan Szchuan Sauce... ESPECIALLY since the show is clearly embracing a bit of #existentialism and stirring it up in its big bowl of psychedelic, 'what the fucks', never-ending, unpredictable journeys... All while continuing to turn old tropes into something that feels incredibly new and progressive. Wabba Lubba Dub Dub!

[yoi-secret-valentines2017]

a bicycle built for two

for @victoryuriyuri Happy Valentine’s Day! Thanks for getting me into this adorable ship :)

by Edgedancer (@radiantmists)

***

Leo <3: i think im crying Me: me too Leo <3: that was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen Me: i didnt think victor could get better but that was Me: oh my god Leo <3: and just think, youve touched his underwear Me: oh my god Leo <3: i guess yuuri really changed him Me: just as much as he changed Yuuri Me: four continents is going to be amazing Me: i can’t wait Leo <3: yeah! Leo <3: its a shame that its on valentine’s day though… Leo <3: the lasu here has a bunch of really fun-looking events planned! Leo <3: maybe we can do something, though i don’t know how i’d plan anything in korea.

Guang Hong Ji, in that moment, experiences what feels like a divine revelation. He knows with perfect, stunning clarity that February 14th will be the day he confesses to the love of his life.

Me: I’ll take care of everything.

This is not, in fact, the first time he’s experienced such perfect clarity. It’s the third.

The first had been when he was seven. He had turned on the TV, and there it had been: the costumes, the blades, the music and the ice. It is the first truly vivid memory he has of his childhood: sometimes Guang Hong recalls brief glimpses of existence before, but more often he feels as though his life began in that instant.

He had demanded ice skating lessons the next day. His parents had first been innocently obliging, then glad he had found a passion, then dawningly awed at his dedication. Three months later, when he asked for tickets to the national championships for his eighth birthday, they had sat him down and asked him if he wanted private lessons.

Guang Hong had seized the opportunity, had kept working towards the goal that shone in his mind since then. He had entered the junior international circuit at fourteen, and only the sensational talent of Yuri Plisetsky had overshadowed his own. When Guang Hong had been offered a place at off-season camps in Canada and the United States, he’d said yes without a second thought; the path to the vision that had become the center of his life had seemed clearer than ever.

In America, he’d found many things: that many internationally competitive skaters his age couldn’t yet land a triple axel, the glory of SNS, his own sexuality, friends, the mysterious draw of McDonald’s chicken nuggets, and Leo.

The crush had come first; he’d been enthralled with Leo, making his senior debut at seventeen and already being credited for his own choreography. He’d been the coolest thing on ice skates, completely original and true to his own vision.

But the celebrity crush had given way to friendship soon enough, because Leo was also the nicest thing on two legs, helping Guang Hong navigate a new country and effortlessly integrating him into the complex social circle that was the international skating community.

One day, about six months ago, Guang Hong had come upon Leo chewing on a pencil, one earbud in and staring at a notebook filled with choreography notes.

Leo had seen him and smiled, not too wide but warm as the California sun, and offered Guang Hong the other earbud.

“Can’t you just see the program unfolding?” he’d asked. “It’s like everything was already there, inside me, and this song just pulled it out.” He saw Guang Hong’s expression and seemed to shrink slightly. “Is that weird?”

Guang Hong had barely been able to shake his head, because his whole mind was caught up in Leo’s excitement, Leo’s vision, Leo. And stunningly clear like a miracle, like it had been inside him all the time and just waiting to come out, he’d thought: I’m going to keep you forever.

That’s really the core of it; Guang Hong, once he knows what he wants, plays for keeps. He doesn’t do anything by halves. Case in point: the confession.

It takes less than ten minutes for his plans to start spilling out of his brain onto paper. He already knows Leo’s flight number; luckily, Guang Hong will be arriving first. Equally lucky, the time zones will work out so that both of them will still be wide awake that night.

Guang Hong plans out every detail, plots a thousand tiny ways to make this the best night Leo has ever had. Though he decides to save some of them for the eventual proposal, by the time he has to get to sleep or risk missing practice, he has envisioned essentially the perfect first date.

The next day, he has to start making that vision a reality.

There are hundreds of restaurants in Gangneung that are rated above four and a half stars on Yelp. There is a flower shop in the airport with mediocre reviews and about thirty in the surrounding area that are much better. Guang Hong finds himself squinting at fuzzy pictures of bicycle rental shops and wondering whether they would have the right color by the time he got there.

At that point, Guang Hong realizes he could probably use some help.

He opens his phone and enlists the greatest ally of all skaters in love.

Me: I’m confessing to Leo at 4C on Valentine’s Day. Phichit: !!! Phichit: Congratulations! Me: do you want to help? Phichit: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phichit: ofc! Me: so here’s the plan Me: [image sent] Me: [image sent] Me: [image sent] Phichit: O.O Phichit: one second

Guang Hong realizes rather suddenly that this plan is kind of– well, Phichit probably thinks he’s a total weirdo now…

phichu has invited you to a new group chat: V-Day!!!

You joined the chat K-Yuuri joined the chat

K-Yuuri: what is this about, phichit?

v-nikiforov joined the chat

You: oh my god v-nikiforov: not quite! but thank you! K-Yuuri: victor are you even serious You: phichit who did you invite phichu: everyone whose handle i know and whos gonna be at 4C K-Yuuri: jj’s not here You: please tell me you didnt invite him phichu: ok ill rephrase phichu: everyone i trust not to be a complete jerk is here K-Yuuri: neither is seung-gil. i thought you liked him phichu: hes just slow shhhh phichu: anyway heres the deal phichu: as we all know guang hong is adorably in love with leo v-nikiforov: we do???? K-Yuuri: … phichu: … K-Yuuri: i love you but you’re an idiot You: i mean to be fair he spent about 30% of his time with us blackout drunk v-nikiforov: hey! so mean :( You: and you two have known us for years v-nikiforov: oh and i love you too yuuri! phichu: that adorable dorkery aside phichu: despite the fact that everyone also knows leo loves him back phichu: they are not yet together K-Yuuri: still???? phichu: ikr? phichu: but phichu: guang hong has decided to fix this phichu: [image sent] phichu: [image sent] phichu: [image sent] K-Yuuri: O.O phichu: thats what i said v-nikiforov: guang hong You: uh… yes?

Guang Hong squeezes his teddy bear and feels a terrible sense of dread. He’d planned all this out thinking that Leo, Leo with his artist’s soul, deserved something wonderful, but Victor Nikiforov, the most dramatic being on planet Earth, thinks it’s too saccharine…

v-nikiforov: this is the second most beautiful thing ive ever seen v-nikiforov: please let me help You: whats the first? phichu: hes gonna say yuuri v-nikiforov: yuuri v-nikiforov: how do you type so fast K-Yuuri: ANYWAY id like to help too if you need it You: thanks guys K-Yuuri: but we really need someone who knows the city to help K-Yuuri: even just knowing the language for reservations and stuff would be nice phichu: you’re right phichu: thankfully i have an ace up my sleeve

s-g-lee joined the chat

s-g-lee: what is this phichu: how is your timing so perfect phichu: anyway scroll up phichu: you train in gangneung right

***

Guang Hong sat in the cafe and watched Leo eat the last piece of the cake they’d shared with a quiet sense of satisfaction.

He had met Leo at the airport gate, flowers in hand. Phichit had taken Leo’s bags and walked off with his coach, the two of them giggling like schoolgirls.

Leo and Guang Hong had caught up as they wound their way out of the airport to the road. Though they’d been messaging each other all the time they’d been apart, there was something different about walking next to each other, matching their strides and bumping elbows affectionately.

When Guang Hong had begun steering them toward the bike rental, Leo had perked up before looking at the flowers still in his hands in worry. Guang Hong had smiled and told him to wait outside, before returning with a old-style tandem bicycle, complete with front basket.

They’d made their way through the streets, reveling in the cheerful, bustling atmosphere. Leo had pointed out a little cart in one of the market squares, and they had stopped to eat, Guang Hong laughing at Leo’s wide-eyed reaction to biting into a pepper, Leo wiping a crumb from his cheek. It’s incredible how Guang Hong can plan everything and think it’s perfect, and then Leo comes along with his spontaneous grace and somehow makes it a thousand times better.

Eventually, they’d reached the café Seung-gil had recommended. Leo thankfully hadn’t looked too closely at the couple that walked out as they walked in and so had missed Victor’s conspiratory wink before Yuuri had dragged him away.

Leo had squeezed his hand– when had he taken it?– as they entered and were led to a table by the window, their favorite songs beginning to filter softly through the room.

And now here they are, looking at each other over a pink candle and a red rose, and so Guang Hong finally says what’s been hanging in the air this whole time, artless and simple: “I love you.”

On Leo’s face there’s no hint of surprise, and Guang Hong thinks that this is why they were meant for each other: their worlds are made of simple truths: this is how it is, this is how I feel, this is how it will be.

Leo smiles, takes his hand. “I know.”

Then he laughs as Nat King Cole’s light tones rise through the air, but without letting go of Guang Hong’s hand he sings along with the chorus– all for the love of you– and his voice is sweet and perfectly, divinely clear.

[auburnfamilynews]

It was Saturday, Dec. 8, 2007, the millionth day of a 100-year, shadow-of-death drought that the Associated Press voted the state of Alabama’s top news story that year, bigger than that horrible tornado in Enterprise, bigger than the governor going to federal prison for bribery. Nearly 2 million residents were living under water restrictions, including folks in Tallapoosa County who wondered if they’d even be able to take baths by the end of the year. In August, Lake Martin was already at winter levels. The thing was a puddle. Alexander City and Dadeville started showing up on the date lines for national stories about how God had given up on the south. Islands were turning into peninsulas, people were planting peas and okra where they used to dock their jet skis, black widows were mysteriously swarming swimming pools. And yet in the midst of despair… a miracle.

Saint Shannon McDuffie and I are at the Chappy’s Deli in Auburn. It’s April. Shannon’s from Dadeville. We’re about the same age. One of the houses she cleans on Fridays is in Auburn. I wrote and told her if she could spare an hour I’d buy her lunch. So I’m buying her lunch—chicken salad and anything else she wants. Coffee? Desert? Anything to keep her talking about it. She seems cool with it. Smiling. Laughing. Great laugh. Great accent. And she’s a Bama fan! She brought all the magazines and stuff that had been written about it and there’s nothing about how it happened to a Bama fan, even though it might obviously explain why, of the two faces she saw in the wallet, she only recognized Christ’s, staring out from a copy of what looked to be the Lord’s Prayer that somehow hadn’t disintegrated.

“So, like, you had no idea who he was?”

Shannon shakes her head. It’s emphatic.

“It did not register to me at all who that was. Because everything had, like, 80s (dates) on it. I didn’t know. I’m like, ‘who is Patrick Fain Dye?’”

  Her chocolate Labs sat and waited as she dug through it. Once upon a time, Patrick Fain Dye, of Graystone Ave. in Auburn, born Nov. 6, 1939, was an honorary Alabama state trooper. He was 5’11, 195 pounds, an Auburn University employee and a Delta Frequent Flyer. He got a government employee discount on Chevron gas, and he could use either an American Express or Visa to reserve a room for half-price at the Terrace Garden Inn.

She put the cards back in the wallet. It was nice—alligator. The expiration date on the driver’s license was August 4, 1985. So it’d been down there, what, at least 20 years? More? She could still smell the leather.

“It was in Emerald Shores. It’s across from Stillwaters. The water was real low and I was back there taking my dogs and looking for old bottles in the lake and I found this bulge.”

The bulge was a pair of green and blue Madras golf pants.

“They were actually folded with the crease and all still in them.”

Still folded!

But of course they were just pants, old muddy pants; the wallet she fished out was what mattered. So she dropped them. She left them. Repeat—she left the pants! Just left them there in the muck and started the hot walk back to the house in Holiday Shores. Her in-laws were over. They’d get a kick out of it. It was the only thing she’d found out there, but an old wallet belonging to some old man named Patrick Fain Dye… the name was starting to sound familiar… was obviously better than some old Coke bottle. She called for the dogs.

“I walked back and I was telling my husband and his parents about it, and they’re like ‘that’s Pat Dye from Auburn! You better go back and get them pants!'”

Pat Dye! Duh!

She hopped on the golf cart and floored it. She picked up the pants and heard a jingle. Inside the other pocket were keys to a Toyota latched to an Auburn football helmet keychain. And a handkerchief.

  People had been finding all kinds of things that fall. Old coins. Lost rings. So one of the local magazines, Lake Martin Living, had the idea to compile a list of the coolest, weirdest treasure for one of their drought stories. The Woman Who Found Pat Dye’s Pants heard about it and was like, ‘oh man, do I have something.’” She wasn’t super into football or anything, but she knew the pants of Auburn’s former football coach would have to be hard to top. Better than a Bicentennial license plate. Better than an old buck knife. Totally unique, right? Totally perfect. So she called Lake Martin Living… and they go “nah.” She picked up the phone… with Pat Dye’s golf pants from the 1980s and his wallet and credit cards and handkerchief and Toyota keys next to her, all of which she’d found in Lake Martin’s corpse… and they told her thanks, but no thanks.

The rejection understandably weirded her out. Ditto the few folks she’d told. How do you pass on that? How do you not include Pat Dye’s Pants in the list of cool things your readers have found in the amazing, disappearing lake? How do you not top the list with that? How do you not make it your cover? How do you not call the Smithsonian?

Gail, the wife of the man who owned the Piggly Wiggly where Shannon worked, wasn’t giving up on getting it out there. She called Auburn.

Um, yeah, hi… this girl Shannon McDuffie who works at the deli inside Piggly Wiggly found Pat Dye’s wallet, looks like he lost it or something… and the woman who picked up just kind of laughed: “Oh, again?”

Click.

And so The Pants (and everything that came with them) just sat there. They just sat there. Months went by, and hardly anyone outside of Clan McDuffie and some friends and Gail knew about the pants. Shannon would come home from Piggly Wiggly everyday and heat something up in the microwave and turn on the TV and they would just be there, maybe in a box, maybe in her closet: Pat Dye’s Pants. She and husband Derrick would go to sleep at night with Pat Dye’s Pants sitting there. She’d head out in the morning and they’d just be sitting there, Pat Dye’s Pants, home alone. She’d leave Pat Dye’s Pants to go to work, to go to the movies, and—praise the Lord— to go take a photography class at Central Alabama Community College taught by Kenneth Boone.

Boone owned the other local magazine, “Lake Magazine,” plus a few local papers. And he was a photographer. Shannon was working on becoming a bit of a shutterbug herself.

“He was teaching a photography class in April 2008. It was a beginners class, anybody could go. I told him about it at class. I said ‘guess what I found in the lake.’ He said ‘wow, we need to do a story on that.’ So that’s how this all came about.”

  The photo on the cover of the July 2008 Lake Martin Alabama edition of Lake Magazine is perfect.

“I went a bought a new outfit for it,” Shannon says.

Here it is.

Boone took it. He set the whole thing up. Thankfully, he had some connections. After Shannon shared her secret, he made some calls. A few weeks later, he and Shannon and Pat Dye’s Pants hit the road for the most famous Japanese maple farm in Notasulga. And it was great.

Shannon showed the Pants to Coach. He remembered them. She showed him the wallet.

“Was there any money in there?”

Ha!

“I don’t have any idea how I lost’em,” he told Shannon. “But we’ll make up a good story.”

They walked around for an hour. Coach gave her the tour. Then he made a deal with her: Let him have his pants back, let him auction them off at the Blue Jean Ball, the annual charity thing he hosts every year for Auburn’s nursing school—it was coming up in September—and he’d have her and Derrick down as his special guests.

Kenneth Boone told them to stand next to each other. They stretched the pants out between them and said “cheese.”

Click, click, click.

Clicks, clicks, clicks.

  It went viral, obviously. ESPN. The Washington Post. EDSBS. Rick and Bubba. Some old WordPress.com blog called The War Eagle Reader.

I thought it was the greatest story I’d ever heard. I wasn’t alone.

  “Hello?”

“Yessir, this is Matt McDonald, you had contacted my office this morning about Coach Dye’s pants.”

Matt McDonald is a big Auburn fan. Huge. He attended AU for a few years in the mid-90s and owns some pharmaceutical industry companies down in Fairhope, which is how he developed friend-of-a-friend connections with the nursing school years back… which is how he found himself at Pat Dye’s Blue Jean Ball in 2008. The theme? Blue Hawaii. Hula dancers. Tiki torches. An Elvis impersonator. The eagle. And Pat Dye’s Pants, mounted in a custom-made shadow box alongside their former contents, ready to fund some nursing scholarships.

Dye called Shannon up in front of everyone.

“I’d been partying with him and dancing,” she says, flipping through the photo album.

They stood next to the shadow box, leis around both of their necks. He introduced her as the woman who’d found his pants. People howled. Matt got ready.

“I was like, holy crap, that’s cool,” Matt says. “I didn’t even know the story about the pants.”

Several big bids later—they started off at $5,000—he became a part of it.

Shannon captioned the picture she took with Matt: “Matt McDonald bought them 4 $8,000! Wow! Who knew, right!”

The night he paid $8,000 for Pat Dye’s Pants was actually the first time Matt met the man. They’ve since become pretty tight. They hunt together. Dye will have Matt’s family up to the house some during football season. Matt’s actually been one of the sponsors of the Blue Jean Ball since 2013 or so. He bids on stuff every year. He usually wins. He’s got a Toomer’s Oak clone (that Dye himself actually came down and planted in Matt’s yard). He’s got a cool hand-carved eagle Dye used to own. He’s got one of Dye’s shotguns. He’s got one of Bo’s shotguns, autographed of course. But when people step into his home office, nothing gets them talking more than the $8,000 pair of muddy pants

“So you’re writing about them or something,” he asks.

“Yeah. I mean, kind of like you, I just thought it was the greatest story ever. Had I found those things, I think I probably would have passed out. It would have been such a shock. It was such a hilarious story, but such a cool thing at the same time, at least to me. Because the 80s were such a ripe time for college football lore, and Auburn at the time was right there in the middle of it. I’m just like, what was happening when he lost them? What was going on? It’s like something out of a movie. I mean, we’d just won the Sugar Bowl and should have been national champs and we’re gearing up to play Miami to start the season. Because best I can tell from everything that was in his wallet, it had to have happened in either 1983, but probably 1984.”

“Yeah,” Matt says, “I’m pretty sure you’re right.”

  The 1984 Pat Dye Invitational Golf Tournament, held Sunday and Monday, July 15 and 16, was probably the biggest they’d had since Dye arrived, the most attended. Who’s going to turn down two paid days at Stillwaters skiing and playing golf and stuffing yourself with barbecue chicken in the name of covering college football’s preseason No. 1, interviewing (via teleconference, but still) that year’s Heisman frontrunner? No one. Definitely not Jon Johnson, that’s for sure. Jon has been the Dothan Eagle’s sports editor for the past 22 years. In 1984, he was the Plainsman’s, and one of probably 200 or so media members who absolutely took Auburn up on the offer.

“Auburn would have sports writers from around the state come up there (to Stillwaters) and just entertain them for the weekend,” Jon says. “Alabama did the same thing when Perkins was there and Curry was there— invite them and treat them to dinner and lunch, and you played golf, and then at night they’d sit around and tell stories and have all the assistant coaches there, too. And, of course, something like that you never see these days. You can’t do it anymore. Basically it was a big socializing event for a couple of days for sports writers and coaches.”

And that year, as fate would have it, for Joe freakin’ DiMaggio.

“Everyone got word (DiMaggio) was down there, and the most unique thing that I remember about it was… well, it’s kind of taboo to ask for autographs. That’s just not something you do (as a journalist). But this was different. I remember vividly people getting in a line to shake his hand. Guys who were with television stations, sportscasters…”

Guys like Jim Fyffe…

And sure, Jon, too.

“I got his autograph on just a piece of notebook paper. I kept it in my wallet for years and years.”

But beyond Joltin’ Joe being there, and the guy who hosted the Ray Perkins Show being photographed in an Auburn hat and a Bo jersey—David Housel threatened to send a print to Perkins—Jon doesn’t remember anything wacky happening. No skinny dipping. No rumors about Coach Dye dropping trou or anything. Just fun.

After finishing 18 holes on Monday afternoon, Jon hopped in the car a happy camper. He got back to Auburn and wrote his weekly column. Here’s how he ended it:

“Dye had said at his press conference he didn’t want anyone to leave on Monday without being able to say they had a good time. He didn’t have anything to worry about.”

  Shannon took a copy of the magazine with her to the Blue Jean Ball. Coach signed it for her.

She slides it across the table.

To Shannon, thank you for finding my pant! War Eagle, Pat Dye

“Wait, he just wrote ‘pant’ — not ‘pants,’”I tell her. “There’s no ‘s’ on there.”

We laugh. She’d never noticed.

Not long after the magazine came out, Shannon opened up her mailbox to something from Brad Cotter, the country singer who won “Nashville Star” in 2004.

“His cousin or aunt or something, I know her, and they’re big Auburn fans, and she just thought it was amazing and she told him about it, and he sent me an autographed photo that said ‘If you find my pants, please don’t tell anyone.’”

Since then, it’s mostly died down. But every now and then, someone will still say something.

“Yeah, I was known for a little while around my little town as the girl who found Pat Dye’s pants. They’d keep coming and asking me ‘did you find any pants lately?’ They just kept asking me ‘did he say why he lost them?’ Somebody said that somebody might have gotten mad at him and thrown them into the lake while they were out on a boat.’”

I tell her if we’d gotten there a little earlier, we could have slid into the back booth and asked David Housel. He always does Chappy’s for breakfast. He has to know.

“I have my own theory, though,” I tell her.

She nods along.

“Yeah, if it’s what I’m thinking, Joe DiMaggio was actually there. I’m thinking of starting the story with ‘while Pat Dye was on top of the world, his pants were at the bottom the lake.’”

The check finally comes.

“Well, if you talk to him, tell him I said ‘hi.’ I’d actually like to get back in touch with him and see what he says now. ‘Hey, it’s been 10 years, remember me?’”

  I work mornings in the same building where Pat Dye records his weekly radio show. I’ve heard the man recount entire touchdown drives, down by down, from games played before half of us were born, games played in forgettable seasons.

But in 1984? It was great to be an Auburn Tiger going into 1984. It was great to be Pat Dye.

He was coming off what should have been a national championship season. He had at least another year and maybe two with the best player in the country. He was gearing up to open the season against defending national champs Miami in the Kickoff Classic at the Meadowlands, then take on No. 4 Texas at Austin, back to back. He was telling reporters waiting to play golf at Stillwaters that Auburn had a “legitimate chance at the national title.”

Sure, he’s 79. But feeling a breeze, losing your keys, losing your wallet, asking for a ride home, canceling credit cards… all at the same time, all during what is arguably the peak of your coaching career?

Surely…

I’ve talked with him before. Been out to his house. Called him on the phone. But for a kid who in, say, 1984 thought Pat Dye was a god, it’s always pretty nerve wracking.

I took a deep breath. I caught him in the hall. He was wearing khaki pants.

“Hey Coach, remember your golf tournament at Lake Martin in 1984? Joe DiMaggio was there?”

“Yeah, yeah… Joe came down and was there at the press conference we did at Stillwaters.”

“Coach, I’ve been doing a little research… do you think that could have been when you lost your pants?”

He stops, turns around, looks at me.

“Well… it had to have been somewhere around then.”

“So that sounds right? It could have been?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“Coach, I actually talked with Shannon McDuffie the other day, remember her? She’s the one who…”

“Yeah, yeah… from Dadeville? She didn’t even know who I was. Her husband had to tell her.”

“Did you know she was an Alabama fan?”

“Well that don’t make no difference.”

  If you like TWER, please consider supporting my work via Patreon. Thanks!

Related: Pat’s Dry Field.

from The War Eagle Reader https://www.thewareaglereader.com/2018/08/the-fall-and-rise-of-pat-dyes-pants/

[canaryatlaw]

OKAY, so here’s last night’s post. Sorry for the delay, main computer is still out of commission for reasons that remain to be seen. 

Okay. So. Most of today was awesome, but we hit a bump at the end of the road which currently has me typing this on my phone instead of my laptop, but we’ll get to that. My alarm went off at 8:30, I had messages from Jess wanting to leave ASAP so I brushed my teeth and through my clothes on and was ready to go by 8:44 (I’m good like that). So she picked me up and we headed to the con center, we made our customary McDonald’s stop but the botched our order by putting milk in Jess’ coffee that she requested to be black, and gave me a bacon egg and cheese McGriddle (with the round egg) instead of my standard bacon egg and cheese biscuit (with the round egg). Side note, I don’t understand McGriddles. They’re not like, bad, they’re just kinda odd. I’m not sure how I feel about the mixture of flavors going on. Like I don’t normally eat pancakes with eggs and cheese on top, that’s just odd. But I still ate it of course because I didn’t care that much. We got to the con center and parked, then headed to the lobby where we met up with some friends who were there for the day. I was doing my new Lois Lane cosplay, Smallville inspired look specifically, since this was mostly going to be my Smallville day with the panel and getting selfies with Tom Welling and Michael Rosenbaum. Michael didn’t have any selfie times scheduled before the panel at 1 and Tom only had a short window with a line that was already way too long for him to get through, so for the morning I just tagged along to say hi to Matt Ryan while selfies and such we’re done. After that I didn’t really have anything else pressing to do being that I’ve seen pretty much the whole show floor numerous times by now, so I decided to stake out the panel room in order to try to get a good seat, an effort that was noble but ultimately failed by poor communication between the con staff members. When I went up to the room the panel preceding the Smallville one was just starting, and I asked a staff member if they were clearing the room between panels since cons do that sometimes, but he said no, they were just clearing the first three rows, so I said okay cool and grabbed a seat fairly close to the front on the left edge of the room. The panel was from the show Outlander which I know nothing about except that it’s something to do with Scotland, but the cast was fairly amusing so that was nice. I was mostly on my phone though using the time to find a certain item for my NJ cosplay I’m still keeping under wraps for the moment which should be the last thing I need in order to complete it. I also went through the Airbnb listings I’d saved for our NYCC trip and narrowed them down to a few choices similar in price which I would check later to see which had the best proximity. Since staying in Manhattan is damn near impossible and incredibly fucking expensive, pretty much all the listings were over the bridge and on the eastern edge of New Jersey, which would work well enough. The Outlander panel ended, and I made my move to get up front, and asked another staff member if there was some restriction on only VIPs getting the first few rows since I know cons do that sometimes but they had no indication that they were doing so, and he said no, they’re open to everybody. Okay, cool, I got a pretty good seat in the front row, but then came the VIPs and like.....I get that you paid an exorbitant amount of money to achieve your VIP status but like, they were being such assholes about it and were just standing there talking about how all of us lowly general admission people were gonna get kicked out and like, it was honestly so unnecessary it really pissed me off. At that point though I had already decided I wanted to ask a question, and the situation being what it was I knew if I left my seat to do so it would probably be stolen by somebody. Sure enough though, a staff member got onstage and was like “the first three rows are for VIPs only everyone else needs to move” and there were some hearty protests about how much they fucked up doing that and now all the other seats were taken and we’d have to go to the back, which is bullshit because I wouldn’t have been in the front to begin with if their worker hadn’t told me I could. Ugh, whatever, I didn’t have the energy to waste bitching at them, so I went and sat at the end of a row right next to where the microphone was for people to ask questions, and when people started lining up for that I was second in line so that worked. The panel was so fucking funny. Michael Rosenbaum, which I have to say looks sooooo much more attractive with hair, was fucking hilarious, he was running around the room with his mic and like getting in peoples faces and it was fucking hysterical. I did get to ask my question, which was basically asking if they would be up for returning to tv as their characters if the Smallville universe were to become one of the “earths” in the multiverse in the current dctv continuity. I was trying to be specific so they would know what I meant, but I think it came off a little too complex and they were both like....huh? Then started laughing and it was pretty funny. But they ultimately said that they would definitely be open to it, and if you send them a good script they’d make it happen, so that made me a bit happy to hear, even if I know the chances of it actually happening are very slim, because seriously since they introduced the multiverse in the Arrowverse I’ve been hoping they could tie in the Smallville universe as another earth (also potentially the movie universe which would be a great way to tie them together, but apparently none of the writers could think of that brilliant plan) so knowing that it’s at least possible made me happy to here. As soon as the question asking was over I booked it out of there and went down to Michael’s table to get the selfie. The line was relatively short and he came back fairly quickly, so I got up to him after not much waiting. I basically just said I was forever ruined for any other Lex Luthor because they would never be as good as him, and that I got into the show late and just always wanted them to join the Arrowverse even if I knew it probably was never going to happen, and he was basically just like “well, you know, it just might one of these days” which of course made me smile. Tom’s booth was right next to him, and had a significantly longer line. By the time I finished with Michael and got on Tom’s line, Tom hadn’t even show up yet  so it was a bit of a wait, but I got there eventually and he was pretty great and we got an awesome selfie together, basically saying he would definitely be open to returning which made me happy. I had met back up with Jess at that point and we were both ready to bail, so we headed outside (it was SOOO fucking hot today) and over to the restaurant to eat/validate our parking. So we ate and then headed home, I spent a few minutes putting some stuff away before taking my laptop and sitting on the couch to watch some Game of Thrones. I noticed my laptop wasn’t fully charged, which was weird because it had been on the charger overnight, but it made me thing maybe kitty had chewed the cord and broken it, but I really hoped that wasn’t the case so I just used it, and then when the battery was dying I plugged it in and sure enough, part of it was covered with bite marks and was not transmitting a charge. Fuck. I tried to come up with some way to make it work but I just couldn’t, so I hopped in an Uber headed to Best Buy which closed at 8, and it was currently like 7:35 so I knew I had to book it. When we got there at like 7:50 I ran right in and asked where the Mac chargers were, and while the guy was taking me to them I was like “also I’m really sorry for coming in ten minutes before the store closed” and he just kinda laughed and said at least I had a very simple request, not like wanting to see a bunch of appliances or something, so that made me feel better about it. The shitty part of all of this was Apple changed their charger port on the model computer I have now, but most of their accessories are sold as the old model. So I got what I thought would work and ubered home, only to find out he ends of the cable we’re not the right size and there wasn’t anything I could do about it now. UGH. I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal, I can swing by Apple tomorrow after my first interview and get a charger, the whole thing just made me feel very anxious and stressed which of course I did not appreciate. But I tried to get back to watch GoT, and I’ve now come across the Sansa getting married (the second time) plot and I’m just like man, this poor girl is constantly getting the short end of the stick. So I watched it for a bit before watching a few episodes of 30 Rock, and then getting ready for bed and getting here. It’s almost 1 am now and I have to wake up at 8 to get to my job interview way on the south side and I am very tired, so with all that said I will leave you here. Goodnight dolls. Hope your Monday doesn’t suck.

[filipeteimuraz]

16 Tips for Naming Your Startup

So you’ve got a great idea for a new business.

You took the time to write a business plan for your startup. After long and grueling months of conducting market research, coming up with prototypes, and analyzing your competition, you’re finally ready to turn this plan into a profitable business.

You even came up with a plan to raise the funds to get your company off the ground.

But before you can proceed any further, you need to name your startup company.

You may have had an idea or two. But how do you know if that name will work?

Naming your startup may seem minor, but it’s actually one of the most important and undervalued aspects of your business. This name will be attached to your brand image for years to come. You need to get it right from the beginning.

Otherwise, you’ll face some challenges if you try to change your name down the road. That’s a headache you won’t want to deal with.

With this in mind, I wanted to show you how you can simplify this process. These are the top 16 tips to keep in mind when you’re naming your startup.

Use this guide as a reference before you finalize your name.

1. Keep it short

The name of your business should roll off the tongue.

People shouldn’t have to take a breath midway through saying your name out loud. Just think about some of the brands that dominate worldwide.

Nike. Apple. Walmart.

I found a really interesting study conducted by a UK insurance broker. They discovered that the average length of a company name in their region had 22 characters.

More than half of these businesses fell within the 17 to 24 character mark.

While these are obviously longer than names such as Apple or Nike, they still fall within the lower end of the spectrum, as you can see from the graph.

Your business shouldn’t sound like a sentence. Sure, in some instances, two words might be appropriate. I’m talking about names such as Waffle House or even Quick Sprout. Ha! But both of these names are still short and roll off the tongue.

Most importantly, keeping your name short will make it easier for consumers to remember it, which will help you tremendously with your marketing campaigns.

2. Make sure it’s easy to spell

Put yourself into the minds of consumers.

Let’s says they hear your brand name somewhere. Whether it’s on TV, the radio, or in a conversation. Next, they search for it online, but can’t find you because they don’t know the spelling – it’s too complicated.

Stick with names that are spelled exactly how they sound.

Even if they see your oddly spelled brand name written somewhere, they may not remember how to spell it when they look for it.

Don’t do anything weird, like using the number 8 to replace the “ate” sound or use the letter “Z” in a place where you should have an “S.”

3. Don’t restrict growth

Right now, your startup may be focusing on something specific, whether it’s a product, location, or target market.

But that doesn’t mean you should name your business something extremely specific.

For example, let’s say you’re creating a fashion brand selling men’s jeans. Naming your company “Jeans for Men” is a bad idea.

What happens when you want to start making shirts, shorts, hats, or women’s clothing? The new directions no longer fits with your name.

Or let’s say you name the startup based on the location of your first physical store. You may be thinking something along the lines of “Tuxedo Shop of Seattle.” But when you want to open a new location in Chicago or San Diego, you’ll be faced with a challenge.

Instead, name it after something like a street if you want to have some connection to your local area. Just make sure it’s easy to spell.

4. Check the domain name

So you think you’re ready to settle on a name.

Next, use an online tool, such as GoDaddy to see if the domain is available:

I see businesses make this mistake often. A company settles on a name, but someone already has the .com domain. So instead of trying to purchase it, they decide to use another extension, such as .net, .biz, or .org, instead.

I don’t recommend that. Consumers have grown accustomed to associating .com domains with credible and established businesses.

But that also doesn’t mean you should make your domain different from the name of your startup just to secure a .com domain.

My suggestion is this. If your domain name is taken and you can’t buy it, try to come up with a different name for your business.

5. Be original

You want your brand to be unique. Your name needs to be memorable and stand out from the crowd.

Do your best to avoid common names. “John’s Plumbing.”

How many plumbers out there do you think have that name? I’m willing to bet there is more than just a handful.

You want your name to stand on its own, without any confusion or association with other companies.

6. Say it out loud

Your name may look good on paper. But what happens when it’s spoken?

Earlier I said names should be easy to spell, but they should also be easy to pronounce.

Make sure that when you say it out loud, it doesn’t get confused with other words. You don’t want it to sound like something that could be inappropriate.

I won’t give you any examples in this instance. I’ll let you use your imagination.

7. Ask for feedback

You don’t have to struggle alone naming your company.

Sure, you can come up with some ideas and ultimately have the final say. But if you’ve got a team or partners, make it a group discussion.

Write down your ideas. Narrow the list down to five or ten names.

Then reach out to your family and friends. See what they think. If one name by far stands out from the crowd based on that feedback, you should consider it more than the others.

8. Research social media profiles

This is similar to your domain name search.

You want your branding to be consistent across all your marketing channels. See if certain social media handles are taken.

Here’s an example from Thule. Let’s look at its Facebook page first:

And now let’s check out its Instagram profile:

As you can see, the company uses @thule everywhere.

It may sound simple, but you want to make sure all of this is squared away before you name your startup.

Having different social media handles on each platform will confuse your customers. It’ll complicate your efforts to build brand awareness for your new company.

If your name is available on all social media platforms except for one, reach out to the user and see whether you can purchase it from them, or consider coming up with a new name.

9. Make it catchy

Your brand name needs to resonate with consumers. It shouldn’t be forgettable.

Even though you’re in the early stages of your business, you should always be looking toward the future and thinking about potential marketing campaigns.

How will this brand name fit with your campaigns? Will it be easy for you to come up with a company slogan that flows well with the name?

You can’t pre-determine whether something will be catchy or not, and there aren’t any tools that can help you with this. But you can still figure it out based on your gut feeling and feedback of others.

10. Search the Secretary of State records

Once you come up with a name, you’ll need to register your new business.

You’ll probably form an LLC or corporation. In the US, check the Secretary of State records to make sure the name isn’t too close to a business that’s been previously registered.

If the name is too similar, the state may disallow you from registering that name.

Find a lawyer to help you register your new business. They can potentially help you with this research as well.

11. Do trademark research

You don’t want someone else to be able to steal your name.

Do a search on USPTO.gov to see whether you can trademark it.

This website will provide you with the resources and information you need to know about existing trademarks and the application process for your own trademark.

12. Make it relevant

Earlier, I talked about picking a name that doesn’t restrict your growth.

But that doesn’t mean you should pick something random or obscure.

Let’s say your startup company focuses on Internet security. Don’t name it “Bunny Ears LLC.”

Is the example a bit extreme? Probably. But you get the point.

13. Keep your logo in mind

Your brand name will be tied to all your marketing efforts. Keep your logo design in mind as well.

Different color schemes can impact sales. That’s because visuals are processed faster than words.  Consumers will remember a name if the logo is memorable.

Think about McDonald’s. The “M” golden arches are iconic.

How will your brand name translate to your logo and will it be recognizable? Ask yourself that when coming up with a name.

14. Take advantage of brainstorming tools

If you’re stuck on a name, you can use technology to help.

Use a tool such as NameMesh to come up with a unique domain name. Or use Namium to choose a name based on specific themes.

But one of my favorite tools is from Shopify:

This business name generator helps you come up with ideas while checking for domain availability at the same time.

15. Don’t drive yourself crazy

Picking a name is important. But don’t let it consume your life.

It shouldn’t turn into a six-month project. If you take time to work things out, you’ll be just fine.

Will the name be perfect? Maybe not. But what is?

Don’t keep second-guessing yourself. Go with it if:

all the pieces line up

the domain is available

nobody has the social media handles

the feedback is good

you’re able to trademark it.

16. Make sure you’re happy with it

The name of your startup will be something you hear, say, write, and think about all the time.

If you don’t like the name, don’t use it. This startup is your baby. You wouldn’t name your baby something you don’t like, right?

The same concept applies here. Otherwise, you’ll regret it, and that could impact your behavior and the way you run the business moving forward.

Conclusion

What’s in the name? More than you think.

The name of your startup company will be your new identity. Don’t approach this task haphazardly.

Whether you’re struggling to come up with a name or you have a name in mind but unsure how to proceed, use this guide to help you finalize the decision.

It’s better to take the time and be sure of it now as opposed to trying to change your name in the future.

What’s the name of your new startup company?

https://www.quicksprout.com/2018/07/02/16-tips-for-naming-your-startup/ Read more here - http://review-and-bonuss.blogspot.com/2018/07/16-tips-for-naming-your-startup.html

[la-appel-du-vide]

Day 3. WOW I LOVE PARIS. It was just as magical and beautiful and wonderful as I remembered. And not only that, but it was my birthday!!!!! Can't be a coincidence that I was born on Bastille Day - the Independence Day of my favorite country! I have wanted to spend my birthday in Paris for as long as I can remember. We woke up bright and early (after 3 hours of sleep, ugh) to head to the Eiffel Tower for some pictures! I had a vision in my head of the picture I wanted, and while we didn't get that exact picture, the idea of the specific dresses and flowers made for some beautiful pictures. 🌸🌸🌸 The idea after that was to go to the Bastille Day parade along the Champs Elysees. It is a huge military parade with flags lining the most famous street in Paris. However, our quick metro ride turned into a big deal. 😂 The Arc de Triumph stop was closed because of the parade. The guy told us to go back one stop and then walk, but Beach thought a different stop looked closer. So we tried it. Mistake! Hahaha. Ended up having to walk forever to get there, and the other stop was like 50 feet away. 😂 On the walk, I ended up getting sick and throwing up on the street behind a tree. 👍🏻 Who doesn't love to be sick on their birthday? By the time we got there, the parade was mostly over. We got to clap for a few people and tanks coming down the road, but that's all. The French flags along the streets were still so fun to see. 🇫🇷 Then we stopped for lunch. It was an expensive lunch, and we hated everything about it besides the bread. 😂 I paid $7 for a Sprite that was clearly not Sprite... it was so gross. And I got some gross pasta - so did Beach. She did try escargot though! So that was fun. When in Paris... The problem was I got sick at the restaurant too. The nausea came on suddenly and I didn't have time to run to the bathroom, so I ended up throwing up on a plate. So gross. I put it on the floor, and felt really bad when the waitress picked it up and I hadn't even noticed. Hahaha. We were able to watch the parade on TV from earlier while we ate too, it was great. After lunch, we went sight seeing EVERYWHERE. We metro hopped from sight to sight. We saw Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur (where I spilled water on myself again...), the Seine, the Louvre and the Arc de Triumph. We even ended up climbing the Arc de Triumph. Almost 300 stairs up and 300 stairs down. It was a lot of stairs but a gorgeous view. The scariest part was running across the roundabout surrounding the Arc. It's a no-fault zone and it's just madness. Everyone driving wherever and however they want. Sketch. Then we decided to get to the Eiffel Tower early for the Bastille Day fireworks. Even two hours early we were still lost in a huge crowd of people all looking for a firework watching spot. We eventually found a pretty good one, even though we were basically sitting in dirt and it was not comfortable. Two hours later, it was all worth it. The most beautiful, impressive, gorgeous fireworks I've ever seen. The show was stellar, and watching such amazing fireworks against the stunning backdrop of the Eiffel Tower was one of the most awing moments of my life. What a dreamy 22nd birthday. 🎂 Getting home after the fireworks wasn't as fun, since we were trying to get on the Metro the same time as half of Paris. The crowds were insane, and I was getting pushed all over the place. The lines didn't even feel like they were moving. It was enough to drive a person crazy. But we did eventually make it. Ended the night with Subway sandwiches, since we hadn't eaten much all day. The Subway guy was a little weird, but on the bright side he gave us free cookies. How weird is it that Subway is open later than McDonalds?!

[nofomoartworld]

The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra (Minitel Pong)

In 1982, the French public telecommunications company launched a revolutionary system combining the telephone and information technology. It was a beige, plastic box and it was called the Minitel.

The screen-keyboard set was delivered for free to French homes. People could electronically check the weather or their horoscope, find local restaurants, apply to university, book a holiday, buy shoes, monitor their bank accounts, etc. They could even chat online and have some rudimentary forms of cybersex. It was the world wide web before the world wide web and actually it wasn’t even world wide because it was limited to the territory of France. I grew up in Belgium feeling left out, envious and cheated.

Yves Denais using the Minitel on his dairy farm in the Brittany region of France. Photo: Ed Alcock for The New York Times

It was an avant-garde domestic technology and millions of people were still using it when France Telecom decided to pull the plug on the service in 2012.

In 2013, members of the Graffiti Research Lab France decided to set up a DEad Minitel Orchestra, a series of live performance and artistic installations that explore the sonic and visual afterlife of the defunct Videotex online service. The result is experimental, joyful, often charming and sometimes absurd.

DEad Minitel Orchestra, performance at Photophore festival, 2015

Minitel sex ad in Roman Polanski’s 1992 movie Bitter Moon

The Dead Minitel Orchestra is a project by Antoine Bonnet, Martin De Bie and Jerome Saint-Clair. I’ve been loving what the G.R.L. F.R. have been doing for years so the DeMO gave me the perfect excuse to contact them and ask for their opinions on quaint devices and extinct technologies:

Hi Jerome, Martin and Antoine! I grew up in French-speaking Belgium and was hyper envious of all these 36 15 services French people seemed to enjoy. Each time i hear the name Ulla, i still think of a brief sequence from a film by Roman Polanski. Minitel seemed to be the acme of sophistication and modernity at the time. Is the Minitel still present in French contemporary culture? Has some kind of nostalgic cult developed around it?

The Minitel was definitely a thing in France in the 80s. Imagine a pre-WWW area (year 1982) where suddenly every person with a phone landline can go get a revolutionary device for free from the national phone company (named PTT at the time) and connect to online services.

Some of those services were free to connect to (ie: white and yellow pages), some others were super expensive pay-per-minute (forums, adult and porn chat services among others). Looking back, it feels strange to realize, while watching archived national news dealing with the Minitel, that there was a real nationalist pride accompanying it. There was a real struggle to stay competitive against others countries in terms of technology and industry, to remain autonomous. Remember, every country had its computer company (Olivetti, Sinclair, …)

As a consequence of this mass adoption and national exception feeling (you know how French people are), everyone above 20 yo in France has a story with the Minitel. For the youngest ones, it’s the weird computer sitting near the telephone at their grand-parents’ place. For the others it’s the first connected terminal they have ever used. And it’s true.

Each time we perform or exhibit Minitels for a show, we notice a real nostalgia in the eyes of the audience. So much nostalgia that we are sometimes thinking of doing a “People staring at Minitels” project. We would end up with totally different portraits than Kyle McDonald‘s People staring at computers.

It also sometimes becomes an intergenerational transmission thing. Kids (who are too young to be aware about it) are usually super curious about it and their parents are always proud to tell them what it is and the relation they had with the Minitel. Maybe some sort of “finally a technological item my kids don’t know about and that I can explain” effect.

Despite all this, we wouldn’t say there is now a cult developed around it. But it was definitely part of people’s everyday life. Not only as a device they used, but also through TV and billboard ads and also many wild ads for the “pink minitel” services showing nude women, along the roads, in abandoned gas stations … The Minitel was also present during turning points of people’s life: you were able to check online if you passed the baccalaureat, or register for University. And that’s the kind of story we hear each time. The Minitel is our digital Madeleine de Proust.

Internationally speaking, views are quite divergent. Envy for some like you, Régine, and sometimes curiosity. But also jokes. Golan Levin told me he knows some. I’d be curious to hear them.

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra (minitel Boobs)

Antoine: When I was kid (I was around 8, I guess) , there were huge ads for “minitel rose” on the roads. They were everywhere and particularly on the roads leading to highways (Paris peripherique). I really enjoyed seeing these ads because when I was seeing them, it meant HOLIDAYS !!

I never got curious about these ULLA, CUM,… services but I really liked the way these ads were placed under dark spots (under bridges, in corners,..), how they were aging, losing colors, ungluing or scratched,… The girls on the pictures were almost naked but it never shocked me… I think I didn’t notice until I became a teenager​.

Martin: I remember my parents using it to access information when I was a kid. It was some kind of mysterious device I hadn’t really access to, except when I was using it by mimicry, more as a toy, without even connecting to any service (hopefully for my parents’ phone bill). It’s only later when I was 15 and that I did connect under my mother’s supervision to check school grades that I started to realize how it could be used for. I really understood how revolutionary it was when I first experienced the Internet, a few years later. Being able to use it now, in my own artistic practice, is way more satisfying than typing pointlessly on a bizarre device.

Jerome: I personally remember going to the post office (the phone company and post office were the same national company at the time) with the paper my parents received in the mail to go get a Minitel. And also some years later take it back to get a newer version, probably the Minitel 1B. I remember my father checking the National lottery results and my mother placing orders on La Redoute (a mail order company).

Ad for ‘online sex’ service 3615 ULLA, 2003

Does the Minitel have some specific, technological or other, features that make it particularly interesting to use to generate sound and images? Or is it producing the same kind of audio and images as any other type of old bits of electronics?

It is worse than what you can imagine. What’s funny is that people’s memory tend to be biased and blurred with later computers or game console they used.

In fact, the Minitel does a single and monotone beep. It’s not even 8 bit music capable. On a graphical point of view, it has 2 display modes (text and graphics), using grayscale colors (late models, difficult to find allow color though). In addition to that, the graphical mode is not even pixel based but rather character based, with, for each block of character, a 2×3 stack of rectangles whose color can be either the foreground or background color of the character. This explains why it has its own aesthetic in terms of graphics and that’s what makes it so interesting.

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra

Why is it the Dead Minitel Orchestra instead of just the Minitel Orchestra? Does the ‘Dead” word refer to the fact that you’ve completely re-purposed and modified the functioning of the device? Or is it there to highlight that it’s one of those dead tech that came to be supplanted by another one?

We picked “dead” for two reasons. The first one because we wanted to use the De.M.O. acronym, which is also a reference to the demo scene.

The second one because the Minitel, in its original form, is actually dead. It is just a passive terminal, by design, and all the services (remote servers) have been unplugged on June 30th 2012.

As a consequence, we’re not murderers but rather Victor Frankenstein trying to resurrect a dead body of electronics. It is repurposed and its functioning was modified because we had no other choice if we wanted to be able to keep using it.

It has not been totally supplanted by another technology. It kept living along with the Internet until Orange decided to cut the services. Lots of people were still using it, back in 2012. Mostly because those persons were used to it and they had a single use case: car mechanics checking parts availability, farmers having a look at the weather forecasts, individuals checking the stock market, …

We used “Dead” because we start working with the Minitel a few weeks before Orange shuts down the service on June 30th 2012. Our first Minitel exhibition was a tribute, a death notice of the service. We remake some emblematic “3615” pages and create some visuals and animation to say goodbye. Since this exhibition we worked to “get the hell out of it” to get some kind of DemoScene practice with it, we even tried to modify the electronic to generate some generative visuals.

The idea of making music came later, and the name came naturally, from a dead technology we make experimental music as an orchestra, and using visuals and interfaces to get control over sound as a D.e.M.O.

DEad Minitel Orchestra, performance at Plateforme Gallery, Paris in 2013

Graffiti Research Lab France, The Dead Minitel Orchestra (Minitels Electrocardio)

Is the DeMo a comment or reflection on planned obsolescence and on our throwaway culture?

We wouldn’t say it was planned obsolescence. It doesn’t fit the “give it for free and make money on the services” business model of the Minitel. It was built to last. Hopefully for us, the Minitels we own are still working, more than 25 years after they were manufactured. It’s not too bad when you know that CRT (cathode ray tube) screens have a life expectancy of 20 years. Of course, some of them are a bit tired. The almost-dead-CRT effect is not bad though. However, sooner or later, all of our Minitels’ screen will be dead. We’ll have to figure out something else to workaround that.

What are the challenges of working with a dead technology like this one?

There are indeed various challenges. The first one was to find a starting point. Florent Deloison pointed us to Fabrice, Renaud, PG and Phil (from the Toulouse Tetalab) Webcam to Minitel project. That’s how it all began. We also found some good technical documentation.

We made the Tetalab’s original code evolve to work offline and we ended up creating a dedicated Minitel library for Arduino. Mostly because we wanted to be able to easily recreate classical Minitel screens: 36-15 ULLA, the yellow pages landing screen. And, moving forward, a Minitel-like Nyan Cat, a non playable Pong and an intermittently flattening electrocardiogram (using the single beep of the Minitel). Our goal at that time was to repurpose the Minitel as a low-tech photo frame. Either to host the screens mentioned above or for our 36-15 Selfie project.

36-15 Selfie

Later came the idea to use it in a totally different way and make music/sound with it. At the very beginning we were using screen luminosity variations (either by circuit bending the graphical chip or by displaying random characters) to generate or modulate sound. We later used a homemade MIDI clock to sync the Minitels. In our last setup, we only use the Minitel and its keyboard as an interface and everything is sent to Raspberry Pis handling both MIDI and audio output. We’re also using one Minitel to display graphics and use it as a source for realtime VJ effects through another Raspberry equipped with a camera. The project is shifting to include more of the Minitel culture, using sound samples of Minitel TV ads or news saying how great the Minitel technology was. That’s really a work in progress.

Each time we have a performance planned is an opportunity to move forward on this project.

Jerome Saint-Clair and Antoine Bonnet for GRL FR, Traffic Booster

Also and completely unrelated Traffic Booster! I find it hilarious, maybe because i don’t even have a driving license. It must be one of the most irritating invention for car drivers though. You could get lynched here in Italy for setting up something like that at a traffic light. I suspect that people in Paris where you’ve installed it have not been very amused by it. Why did you make the Traffic Booster? How obvious is it to drivers that the beep doesn’t actually come from an impatient driver?

Jerome: That’s a project people really enjoy. I mean they enjoy it when they watch the video, not as victims. In the meantime I’m pretty sure drivers didn’t even notice it was automatic. They are so used to stress and angriness.

I made the traffic booster as a reaction to the need for speed (not the video game) in our society. When you live in a large city you’re absorbed by its pace. You have no other choice than to conform with it. If you don’t comply, it makes people angry. Try to walk slowly in the corridors of the metro when people are rushing to the office in the morning and you’ll notice. Same thing on the road. Driver will put themselves or others at risk to save only a few seconds, without realizing that they’ll have to stop at the next traffic lights and actually not gain time at all. This mechanism applies to a lot of things in our occidental societies. Plus there are devices and rules to force you to do so and to record that. Fixed office hours along with time recorders, personal objectives along with variable pay, Uber-like companies along with smartphone apps, … In the end, technology is not a real progress but is used to control people. And people don’t step down. They comply and compete. The traffic booster is there to remind that: beware of what’s forcing you to go faster without giving you the time to actually step aside, look around and think of what’s really going on here.

Thanks Jerome, Antoine and Martin!

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