#like we have had the exact fucking same situation happen w one person and we both bitched abt it.

[cleardishwashers]

my countdown towards the end of the semester has the added benefit of being a countdown until i NEVER HAVE TO WORK WITH THIS BITCH AGAIN

[utilitycaster]

The thing that gets me abt the framework of downfall and the way Ludinus(and some ppl in the tags who seemingly are trying really hard to roleplay Ludinus) read it is that they're like "look at how the gods meddled and laid low to destroy this bastion of human achievement, they had no right and should have let themselves be systematically exterminated/have the world burn instead" when. Setting aside the revelation that the gods who struck down Aeor made themselves mortal to do it-- as in, they were on the exact playing fields of humans when they made their move and it wasn't some huge peacocking of power against upstart humans to strike them out of the sky-- the Divergence is going to happen. We KNOW the Divergence is going to happen. The gods are going to create the divine gate and remove any chance that they can ever do something like this again. "Blaugh, look at them meddle and plot-" and? Whatever they do, we know that the sun will shine once more. Melora, as brutal as she is as the starved Asha, will plant a tree of hope in the most destroyed wastes of Wildemount. And they will ensure that the suffering they wrought in the calamity, in Aeor, can never ever repeat the same way they had done it. Which is a HELL of a lot more than can be said for Ludinus who is actively reviving every cycle he can

first off "some ppl in the tags who seemingly are trying really hard to roleplay Ludinus" took me OUT so thank you for that.

I just reblogged a post with a quote from Cooldown that I think is really relevant in understanding the whole story of the gods and how we got to this point but like, just to summarize (and debunk a few things, hopefully) from the beginning of the episode to the end re: the life of the gods:

Gods (possibly aspects of the Luxon?) crash-landed on Exandria BECAUSE of what is all but outright said to be Predathos.

As far as I can tell, no deals were made between the gods and the Titans. The only person who has said this from what I can tell is Asmodeus, who I would not consider a reliable source of truth. Or rather: one might have been made but there's no corroboration that I know of.

They created the people of Exandria and sealed away Predathos both prior to the Schism

The Schism occurred when the Titans decided to attack the people (which to be clear - the people had been there for long enough to build that weird ruin on Ruidus with a portal, like, I would love to know what prompted the fight of the Schism since it had pretty clearly been millennia of coexistence).

The Betrayers decided the move was to leave and start over, and the Primes felt that was a dereliction of duty to the people. That's what the quote is about - it's about the fact that Erathis's motivation for being a Prime Deity isn't "mortals are my blorbos!" it's "we have an obligation to our creations" and more generally that the Prime Deities are invested in their domains for the overall good of Exandria but not necessarily the specific good of Aeor. (Taliesin follows it up with (as Melora) "You'd have to tear me from this fucking planet" w/r/t the idea that you cannot, in fact, destroy your bad first draft simply because it would be more convenient to you.)

Betrayers get sealed, unsealed, events of EXU Calamity occur (notably: the titans are all dead. you can fight about whether this was just or right later but they're gone and killing other people won't bring them back; the titans are largely used as a pearl-clutching prop by people with no arguments that are perhaps actually relevant to the current situation), and perhaps 50 or 60 years into the conflict the gods call a truce re: Aeor's Obtenebrator and commit to decades of living as mortals (and therefore limiting themselves considerably)

And so here we are

And I think this really gets to the point. Because ultimately, the argument in favor of leaving Aeor be is "when someone points a gun at you, lay down and die" and the argument in favor of the Betrayers is "when someone tells you to abandon your (living) obligations for them, do so." The former is despairing and nihilistic and the latter selfish and, well, a betrayal.

There is something profoundly nihilistic about Ludinus, for all he talks about freeing people and a better world. He's destroyed a city of innocents. He's indoctrinated hundreds if not thousands of people and many of them have died in his service; he's the architect of an empire and many wars in its name and is actively working with a second one. He's been killing fey and he's even physically given himself over to the cause. There is no crime or sin people attribute to the gods that he has not done himself in measures beyond nearly every other mortal. Like, I really think he's at a point where he just is unwilling to "lose" even though he has a friendless life and a legacy of violence and has destabilized the entire world and the weave of magic itself. I think he has to believe there's something on this Occultus Thalamus for him because if there isn't, he, like the Prime Deities, probably can't just pick up and start over. All he has left is to give in to just letting the world burn in the hopes that at least he gets the satisfaction of what he hates burning with him.

Basically, sounds like a rough time to try to roleplay him in the tags.

Something else you (and others) bring up is that amid all the "history is written by the victors" the story of Aeor and of the gods has actually painted them as far harsher. The story doesn't say that they were first chased to Exandria unwillingly and did not come in conquest; the story, as this post notes, evokes vast divine might striking down a city from the heavens and not like, living in fragile mortal forms during one of the most dangerous times in history and arguing amongst each other over how they can save both themselves and Aeor and if that's even possible. Like, even if you see the gods as the victors of this story rather than simply the survivors, the "unedited" version of the story makes them far more sympathetic.

You also mention the Divine Gate and that's a really interesting thing to me because the existing status quo of Exandria is actually remarkably nascent if you think about it. The Founding had gods, titans, and mortals. Post Schism had the Prime deities and mortals (and it is worth noting this is when the people of Exandria became the most technologically advanced; you want to talk about the Titans and Betrayers, you need to cover that the price of the wonders of the Age of Arcanum was that they were not present). Calamity had all the gods and mortals again, and the current era is the first where the gods are behind the gate. It's kind of a compromise between all the things that have tried to destroy one another - Betrayers and Primes are separated but all are free within their realms and can indirectly contact mortals; technically, so can Predathos. None can directly be on Exandria. Is it ideal? No. It's a compromise, and the sealed can become unsealed (which, consistently, goes very badly) but it's the option that doesn't involve the total annihilation of anyone. Ludinus seeks, by setting off this horrible cycle again, to undo that fragile imperfect compromise with a goal of wholesale slaughter. He provides no option for the gods other than "die by my hand" when even some of the gods were desperately trying to find other options for Aeor as of a day prior to its destruction. He's simply wallowed in his trauma for centuries, becoming colder and more unfeeling and less empathetic and more arrogant than the gods he accuses of the same flaws.

[justallihere]

aNOTHER play by play of my thoughts <3

I kid you not the entire time I was reading this the audio of Klaus saying "MOMMY ISSUES" was playing in my head

Lilith really said, "I'm going to be useful when I come to my kids by brining riders AND insert myself into the military lol"

OMG OMG DEVERA AND FELIX!!!!!

I'm assuming their mother is a particularly touchy subject between Mira and Vi (i lowkey felt uncomfortable reading their conversation in a good way but I also wanted to diffuse the situation between the two 💀 LOL) Mira needs a goddamn award. The mental gymnastics of trying to love/defend her mom but also understanding Vi's own personal feelings and her position as queen is rough

Mira telling Vi she's the favorite (likely bc she's the baby bc let's be for real here lol) Vi thinking its Brennan makes my heart break for Mira because what about her???? (No slight against Vi or B but my heart aches for Mira too, as the eldest daughter). All of them need a goddamn hug

This line HIT , when did this become a therapy session LMAO

“It’s okay if it’s not enough, and it’s also okay if you let it be enough. If you try, too,” she added pointedly, “instead of being stubborn about it. She left the country she’s dedicated her entire life to because of you.” 

Not Mira begrudgingly accepting Xaden and knowing that he's antsy as fuck w/o Vi

“Go home to your insufferable husband,” she said. “You probably stressed him out.” 

The dragons finally fucked and X and Vi had to do something about it. The spicy scene was 10/10!!!! I have so much respect for ppl who write smut well bc I can't do it LOL but what i really appreciated was the attention to detail of X getting her conduit for her so that she doesn't burn down the kingdom 💀. My exact thoughts were "wait is her mom going to know their fucking bc of the lightening" but then I didn't even need to think about that bc you HAD IT COVERED LOL

Lilith is so complex and I love her for it. I bet the room was frigid when Brennan and Lilth spoke.

Naolin was mentioned and I am SOBBING. I hope RY expands on him but idk if it will make it to canon tbh

Glad this was sorted out bc I know this was a particular fan theory that was RAMPANT. I never particularly agreed w it

“Dead?” Lilith repeated.  “The storm the day I crossed the parapet—” “I had nothing to do with that,” she interrupted. 

I am terrified and excited for what is to come Alli 😭. Again another lovely chapter that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish

So many mommy issues. All the mommy issues.

One thing about Lilith is that she has a purpose, and that purpose is protecting her kids, and because she's emotionally distant she'll just do things for them instead of with them.

I'm obsessed with Felix. He's such a fun character, just so much personality even though we see next to nothing of him in canon. Same with Devera! They feel the same to me in a lot ways I think.

Lilith is a touchy subject among all the Sorrengail children for sure, but definitely with Mira and Vi because Mira has spent so long trying to keep the peace between the two of them. And (in this world) Mira has been there for Violet in a maternal role a bit, so she sees the choices Lilith makes differently than Vi does and relates to them more, where Violet just sees that it's not what she needs from her mom.

This became a therapy session...somewhere around chapter 10, probably.

Idk what it is but I just love a dragon lust-fueled sex moment. Hits different, you know?

I can't believe I wrote a positive thing about Brennan Sorrengail 🤮 never happening again. Naolin is still just so intriguing though, I also hope we get to hear more about him in canon (I don't want him to be venin, I want him to be dead, to be clear).

I never particularly bought into the "Lilith tried to kill Violet on the parapet" thing either, especially once we learned about the deal she'd made with Xaden. She just loves Violet so much.

I, too, am excited and terrified for what's to come! Mostly excited!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

[genezpen]

『 cruel 』

pairings: seungkwan × gn!reader

genre: ANGST‼️i feel the need to hurt everyone right now 😈

summary: seungkwan told you that he used you to win a bet.

warnings: drama w/o plot, this a bit slightly quite painful and has a huge impact on me :'), crying, harsh!seungkwan, mention of parents neglecting the reader, reader speaking from trauma, mention of vernon, someone using the reader for a bet, rejection (?) (lmk if i missed something or if i made a mistake!)

word counts: 597

notes: this is a very short drabble to let y'all know that a short fic of han, and hoshi is coming. i've never had a free time since my last uploaded fic so i would like to apologize to the sitting requests on my ask! i promise im working on them! also, pls don't hate verkwan! love lots ^^ (our exam week is next week, wish me a luck!)

“i never loved you.”

those exact words are enough to crush your wholeness. you almost hear your heart shattering on the pit of your stomach.

you felt bad. you are upset. you are disappointed.

the person you trusted the most just confessed that he fooled you. and for what?

“you're nothing but a bet. vernon lose, i won. now, it’s over.”

a bet. he won a bet. you are the bet.

and vernon? your bestfriend?

“what? aren't you mad at me? come on, y/n, hit me! i know you want to hurt me, too! i used you.” seungkwan grabbed your hand, forcing you to hit his hard chest.

but you're to numb to do so. as much as you want to show him how much it hurts you can die right now, you know physical pain wouldn't be enough.

he hit himself, he slap his cheek using your hand but you pulled it away. your eyes fixated on the ground while breathing fast, trying to stop your tears.

seungkwan then tried to find your line of vision but you keep avoiding it. not now. not when you're too fragile, too weak, too scared.

“come on, say something. lash out on me! i know you're upset—”

“i knew it...” your whispers made him shut up. something bitter spilled inside you. “i knew something was up the day you asked me out.” with shaking voice, you let it out.

even with a blurry eyes, you force yourself to meet his gaze only to see how shocked he was. seungkwan looked pale and his pupils were going back and forth on your eyes trying to find something you don't know of.

“don’t worry. i-i figured it out r-right away– you– i... knew this day would come.” you manage to utter those despite you choking on your own saliva and the nonstop tears.

you covered your face as you breakdown infront of seungkwan, shaking your head. so what if you look hopeless and pathetic right now? so what if he use this against you someday? so what if he makes fun of your misery right now. you don't want to think of the future at the moment. it hurts, it's killing you inside-out.

“you never actually like the cupcake i baked you, right? you never once liked my outfit every time we go out. you did not really want to say my 'i love yous' back, you just don't have a choice!”

fuck. this is a different kind of pain when your pet died in an accident. this is not the same pain you felt when your parents failed to recognize your academic success back in highschool. this pain is on another level. the one that could hold you back for years, again. the pain that brought you back to your thirteen year old self.

seungkwan did not say anything. he stood there frozen. you bet on your life, tomorrow everyone will turn their back on you. your colleagues will laugh at your situation. this has happened before, none of them was your friend, they were seungkwan’s.

no matter how hard it is to swallow, your only best friend, vernon, used you too.

you hate the universe for why must it be hard to live on earth. if you aren't allowed to feel loved then why must people hurt you? they could've just push you away, not stay for a short period of time just to leave you again. not pretend they accept you when in reality they are disgusted by you. why must everyone have to be so cruel?

©genezpen

all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, plagiarize, repost to another platform/sites without my permission. this is solely available on tumblr.

[padfootastic]

sirius @ james for this one: “what can i get you? do you need water? a hug? space?”

anon we have the same brain fr because i looked at this and had the same thought. (and so did others because i have 2 more asks w this exact premise)

i hope u like this! personally, it’s one of my favs 🙈

x

Sirius cut his way through the post-dinner throng of students as swiftly and efficiently as he could, resisting the urge to case a wide-area Blasting Charm to clear the route faster. His destination was the large gathering of students in the middle of the courtyard, jeering and chanting.

As he got closer, the voices floating from the centre of the circle became more distinct, making his face twist into a grimace.

“Think you’re so much better than us, don’t you, Potter?” An unfortunately familiar voice was taunting, though it sounded a bit funny, muffled. A part of Sirius knew, even before he pushed through the crowd, that it would just be Snape putting his nose somewhere it had no business being. Usually, it wouldn’t be such a big deal for Sirius who couldn’t care less about him if he was held at wand-point. But today, today he’d decided to go needle James.

Who was already in a terrible mood this week. It was a combination of everything—Effie and Flea’s declining health, the constant chatter in the castle, the pressure from the Quidditch Cup, Lily’s taunts, McGonagall’s nagging—all of it building and building and building until it reached a boiling point. Sirius had been waiting for him to blow this entire week; it’s only unfortunate that it happened the one day they’re in different classes, on opposite ends of the castle, and at the hands of Snape at that. Sirius had heard that something was going down in the courtyard, could only catch James’ name in between the gasps and giggles before promptly booking it out of there.

And sure enough, he got there just in time to see James send his fist into Snape’s jaw with a ridiculous ‘crack’ that Sirius can hear all the way to where he’s standing, making him wince slightly. Clearly, this isn’t his first, because there’s a stream of blood running down Snape’s nose, pooling over and around his mouth. There’s a scratch-bruise situation on one of his cheekbones that he’s guessing is from James’ Potter Ring.

James is…not entirely blemish free—there’s a wicked bruise blooming on his temple—but in comparison? He looks practically untouched.

It’s no wonder, though, because despite Snape’s mouthing off, it’s clearly an act, put upon for his own sake just as much as for others. Now that Sirius is right in front of them, he can see exactly how terrified the guy looks, though he’s made a valiant effort to hide it. One look at James and he immediately understood why.

James had Snape lifted up against the wall by his collar, teeth bared and a feral tinge to his eyes. His hazel eyes were almost black as he said, “Say something like that again, Snape, I dare you.”

Clearly, the Slytherin had lost the few brain cells he had left because he actually opened his mouth to answer. James didn’t give him the chance, only pushing him harder into the granite. “I will end you, Snivellus, don’t try me. Stop fucking running your mouth if you can’t deal with the consequences of it.”

That was the point Sirius decided to step in. It didn’t seem like anyone else would—Remus and the other prefects were standing on the far end of the hallway, huddled and whispering furiously; no teachers were present—and judging by Snape’s rapidly reddening face, he was less than a minute away from getting his face fully bashed in. Sirius didn’t want James to deal with the aftermath of that in his current state if he actually went through with it. There were too many people around, anyway.

“James,” he called, stepping forward. He could’ve sworn he heard at least three different sighs of relief but all his attention was now fixed on the way James’ fists clenched harder at the sound of his voice. He sighed—so it was like that, was it?

He stepped up to the two of them and placed a hand on James’ forearm. It was taut with tension, like steel to the touch, almost blazing hot. Ignoring the fact that James was deliberately ignoring looking at him, he started massaging his arm with a light touch, gently working his way down from his elbow to wrist, feeling the muscles loosen with each second. Once he’d repeated the action a couple times, he started rubbing circles with his thumb on the bottom of his palm, increasing the pressure with each rotation.

Eventually, it didn’t take more than a minute before James’ shoulders sagged, almost imperceptibly, and his fists unclenched. Snape, who’d been uncharacteristically silent so far—perhaps showing some of that Slytherin self preservation and realising Sirius was his best bet to getting out here without further harm?—quickly slid out from under his arm, going to stand a safe distance away. He opened his mouth, forgetting that distance meant nothing when James was as good with a wand as he was, but Sirius quickly put a pin in that one.

“Piss off, Sniv,” he muttered, not even bothering to look in his direction.

“Black you—“

“I said, piss off,” Sirius growled, arm moving so fast that Snape couldn’t track the wand now pointed between his eyes if he’d tried. “Now.”

With whatever was left of his tattered dignity, Snape tucked tail and fled. Good riddance. Without sparing a single glance towards the rapidly growing crowd of students, he tucked his wand back in its holster and wrapped a hand around James’ wrist, pulling him away from the courtyard and into one of their hidden alcoves on the ground floor. It was quite removed from the rest of the castle and the most traffic it saw was when the Bloody Baron and Grey Lady decided to rehash some centuries old fight.

Once they were properly inside, he dropped his bag to the floor and pushed James agains the wall, pressing as tightly against him as physically possible, not willing to let a single inch of space between them. For a few minutes, they did nothing except look at each other, James’ breaths sounding like heavy pants in the empty room.

Sirius held James’ face with both hands, hard enough that his fingers pressed indents into his skin, knowing the pressure grounded him. “What can I get you, James? Do you need water? A hug? Some space?”

James stared at him as if seeing through him, eyes unfocused and far, far away. Sirius pressed harder, curling his fingers for his nails to dig in, willing James to come back to him. And of course, James did.

“I need you.” Rough hands grabbed the front of his robes, pulling him forward abruptly and with a little too much force. Sirius had to grab onto James’ shoulders—not that he was complaining—just so he didn’t topple them both sideways. Gently, he shifted his grip until one arm was curled around James’ and the other was buried in his hair, cradling the back of his head. He tucked James’ head under his chin, trapping his hands between them, holding him as tightly as he could.

He knew James needed to be clutched when he was like this, that he loved being surrounded on all sides—as if someone was holding all of him, refusing to let any part of him go. He craved safety, comfort, when he got overwhelmed and this was the best way Sirius knew to give it to him.

They stood like that until the sun set and the air cooled, but all that Sirius cared about was his James—his breathing easier, eyes less frantic, and face much more relaxed. If all he had to do was hold tight for a while to get him there, then well, he’d be the happiest man on earth.

[ladyimaginarium]

mini gangsta fandom rant bc im&. annoyed bc i& remember seeing a bunch of hcs back in the day of how like. striker never cared about beretta at all whatsoever & only ever cared about marco. or ppl just blatantly erasing or removing her autonomy & influence & power in the storyline & reducing her as a prop to be used for the male characters' angst or otherwise she's just there to look pretty instead of being. yknow. a villain. or g-d forbid a person. & ignoring & erasing beretta both as an individual character but also as a major person in striker's life. or that striker's lowkey violent or abusing beretta w/ her almost always being on the receiving end of all kinds of abuse or people implying that she's just plain stupid or dedicated enough to striker to be just his toy to be used for his own pleasures or that they're not equals in any way. despite canon indicating nothing of the sort & im& just like. are. ARE WE READING THE SAME FUCKING MANGA LMAO

like. striker literally NEVER, EVER, reacts negatively to her. striker CARES for her, he RESPECTS her, he PROTECTS her, he TAKES CARE of her, he TREATS HER LIKE A PERSON. striker NEVER abuses her. he NEVER swears at her. he has NEVER told her to mind her own business, he NEVER silences her or even worse, NEVER swears at her & NEVER hurts her like he had with spas when he told striker & beretta that he wouldn't be returning to the second destroyers. he NEVER said or did anything uncouth like that to her.

if anything, it's the exact opposite.

maverick literally tells spas that beretta is striker's weakness. which, coming from someone like striker, that's a hell of a compliment. she clearly wants to fuck him & expresses sexual interest & desire for him. they're almost always touching. she reaches out to hold his hand. after she "gifts" him constance, he tells her that she's incredible.

now. does any of that look like abuse or beretta being mistreated. lol

okay cw for upcoming gore & nonexplicit discussion of csa & creeps.

he PROTECTS her. he AVENGES her. he DEFENDS HER HONOR. he CANONICALLY MURDERS HER ABUSERS. i.e chau who's a grown ass 30 year old man when beretta is. literally 13 years old. a CHILD.

the night before CURSED happens, he fucking SNAPS the minute beretta tells him that three men attacked her & kills the mfs instantly.

& VIOLENTLY at that, particularly the one that threatened to kill her & after he previously said she "came onto" them, aka, beretta, a clearly visible 13 year old child, led three grown ass men on, & he keeps beating the guy even after he's dead into a bloody mess. good on striker. & seeing how unfazed beretta is, this has likely happened before. & that realization paints a very dark & sobering picture for beretta; this is a girl who grew up too fast & striker knows this & it's because of this that he's so viciously & violently protective over her.

he saved her life before. look at the look on his face when he tells her to get the FUCK out of there. that's pure unadulterated desperation.

now. do they have issues with marco?? yeah ofc !! but. yall. yall mean to tell me& that. HE DOESNT CARE FOR HER AT ALL ????

literally look at how gentle he is with her. he doesn't just throw her ass on his back then yeet her onto the stairs, he gently places her down. then he leaves her momentarily to rest & recuperate bc he cares about her rather than selfishly going on with their plan together to... do whatever the hell they were planning on w/ daniel monroe.

when the flare happens, beretta comes to get him & he's pissed because 1) he wants to go after daniel monroe & 2) he's pissed in like that angry protective bf way that she's even there with him.

he even apologizes to her. he does so right away in fact & he does so sincerely & in a teasing, loving, lighthearted way, putting himself in a position we, the audience, never see him be willing to take ( not even in situations where it was more than warranted ) because striker is just. simply not the type to feel he owes anything to anyone & much less the type who admits when he's wrong. but most importantly, he apologizes to beretta bc he genuinely WANTs to, with not a single thought to her abilities, having no ulterior motives & no personal gain. he apologizes bc he knows he was in the wrong, that he hurt her feelings by staying away a bit from her for too long ( maybe clingy, but they're like 13 & 14 respectively here guys what do you expect y'all lmfao ), regrets that & wants to offer at least that much. & he always says "we" when referring to their plans; he includes her in their plan.

with that said, it's. VERY obvious that beretta seems to trust only striker with the softer, more vulnerable parts of her personality since he was a source of strength for her in overcoming her trauma as a child experiment & he lets her cling to him so he can comfort her & vice versa. & keep in mind the above scene is all happening while striker is holding a decapitated head & neck & shoulderblades clean off. this is from STRIKER of all people, y'know, the guy who casually choked a man to death in front of his son while on the phone with beretta simply to kill time, the guy who deadass hulk smashed his way through a building while laughing like a maniac & wiped the floor with ergastulum's high ranking twilights. this guy is soft for someone like beretta, that has to mean something bc that's impressive tbh.

he literally lets her bodily drag him around by the arm. lmao

& that doesn't change not even as grown ass adults. lmfao

literally look at his face is when he realizes that she's hurt/in danger.

& he is literally ALWAYS near her afterward to make sure she's okay & acting as a source of comfort for her when he clearly doesn't have to.

& that's not to say beretta's a weakling, no, she faced several high ranking twilights even as a tiny 13 year old girl & caused so much death & destruction to ergastulum & by the end of CURSED, all she gets is a tiny cut on her right shoulder. all of that was a game to her. striker doesn't protect her bc she's weak, he protects her bc he Wants to. we don't have a full backstory for striker or beretta for that matter yet, but i'd& bet my& money that beretta, like the other destroyers, that she struggled & was experimented on & was traumatized in the government laboratories by scientists who treated her like she wasn't even human & that she had to work her ass off to get to where she is. like. this is only one example of how horrifying their treatment was.

LITCHERAL STRAITJACKETS, WALKING ON COLD TILED FLOORS BAREFOOT & STRIKER LITERALLY HAS A MUZZLE ON HIM. that's literally so dehumanizing for anyone let alone a CHILD where they look about 6-8 years old here & even moreso for a BLACK child & just how horrible those implications are & how black boys are so often treated & it doesn't make it better that nobody else from the destroyers were seen with a muzzle on them & i& think the reason why striker cares about & i'd& argue loves beretta so much is that she never once thought of him like a monster like literally almost everyone else in the series has or as a rabid dog to be treated like the government or as a weapon to be used; to beretta, he's a person. so there's this underlying undertone & there are many canonical implications in the series that, precisely BECAUSE they both went through hell and back together as children growing up, they have an unbreakable bond that's unparalleled with anyone else in the series. & y'know, for being villains, they're actually in a healthy relationship.

beretta would do literally ANYTHING for that man & it makes me& wanna tear men in half & go clinically insane. & some ppl might find that crazy but like. if you're genuinely in love with someone & go through the same circumstances that beretta has, who wouldn't. if you haven't been abused your entire life & someone comes along in your life & they're the first person to treat you like you were an actual human being? you'd do anything for that person without question. so beretta's not "stupid" or "too devoted"; she makes her own choices. they both grew up together & witnessed unimaginable horrors & governmental abuse together, they really didn't have nothing but each other for a very long time. & then spas betrayed them, & minimi & maverick are both dead. & now only striker & beretta remain.

this is one of my& favorite scenes in the entire series. there's no dialogue shared between them, but it carries one message: I'm here for you when the whole world stands against you. they don't Need that dialogue, the way they feel for each other is in their actions. it's a really heartwarming feeling despite the tragedies & crimes they both committed. don't get me& wrong, they're both horrible people who've done horrible things to both good & innocent people & tbh overall shitty horrible people, this isn't me& justifying any of their actions or trying to woobify them ... but the fact that beretta still metaphorically, symbolically & literally stands by & behind him is just so beautiful & it shows how much she loves him ( & by doing so she's saving worick's life bc let's face it striker can very well still kill him with one arm be for fucking real ). so striker's publicly humiliated by everyone, he's called a failure to his face, he's just freshly lost his arm & his eye & he'll likely live the rest of his life disabled, mocked & shamed by everyone else, after spending his entire life trained to fight & kill for a cause that he was brainwashed by the government to believe in ... but beretta still keeps her arms around him in his moment of greatest need, & if that's not genuine love, then i& don't know what is. even after he's hurt her by possibly making her think that he values marco over her despite all she's done for him, she still holds onto him to let him know that in his most vulnerable moments, she is right there beside him holding him. she still supports while knowing that won't get her anything in return & putting his needs before hers... that's something incredibly heartwarming coming from someone as cruel, cold & cunning as beretta; this is a side of her that only striker gets the privilege of seeing. because her love for him isn't shallow, it's not based on looks, power, glory or lust alone, because if it was, she'd have left his ass right when he became disabled, it's because she loves him as a PERSON despite how fucked up he is.

regardless, they have mutual development, i'm& not necessarily confirming whether or not their relationship is mutual & romantic in nature but it's definitely obvious they're in some kind of relationship. they have a significant amount of substance ( meaningful moments from both ends, interactions, they're literally almost ALWAYS by each other' side & almost ALWAYS touching, it's heavily implied & then confirmed that they've had sex, subtext, focus, backstory, remarks from other characters, etc. ). the most selfless acts they do ( as surprising as that sounds, coming from people like them ) that we have seen them have been directly related to their feelings for each other, like saving each other's lives & putting their lives in jeopardy & throwing aside any fear in order to courageously run to each other's aid & save each other's life to do so when no one else did... & that speaks volumes. & regardless of what happens next & regardless of whether or not you ship them yourself, you have to at least recognize that they do care deeply about each other, beretta is a MAJOR person in striker's life, striker has never ONCE abused her or treated her violently, they are EQUALS although she's happy to follow his lead but isn't afraid to make her own decisions, striker PROTECTS beretta, he murdered her abusers & there is no canonical evidence for any of the aforementioned headcanons & to suggest otherwise is an insult not just to the ship but also to their individual characters. & all this coming from a CANONICALLY QUEER BISEXUAL INTERRACIAL PAIRING? that's a MASSIVE deal in animanga.

[upsidedowngrass]

Charlotte post NOW (/j only if u want!!)

AHHH charlotte jumpscare!!!!!!!

im not sure what SPECIFICALLY to post abt her bc this ask is a little vague, BUT i do think abt her a lot!!! tho i DO gotta think about her more, she is a WONDERFUL character

bc idk what specifically, my interpretation of her post canon and WHY (also under a readmore because WOW!! i had apparently a lot to say abt her):

i think!!! she is a LOT more mellow after she gets home. like in one 16 after shes respawned its like. she seems to be friendlier? which. i think has to do w like... i dont think she was a bad person really, and i dont think shed been acting Maliciously, but when it came to having friends i think it was really easier for her to genuinely take things as worst as they could be. we dont actually get much of her backstory, so its up to interpretation as to WHY, but i think she genuinely struggled with being distrustful of those close to her. she likes them, that much is clear, but trusting people is a whole other thing

but i think she really DID view her friends as pitying her. as not respecting her, even when they werent Being cruel. they were concerned for her safety, and how her recklessness was affecting her. and i think that can end up walking a line between pity and not wanting your friends to do things that are pretty unambiguously dangerous, and what was very standard friendship ended up feeling a lot MORE like they didnt respect her or her choices

and i think what changes this is that. she DID die. and i think that contextualized for her that her friends werent concerned because they thought she couldnt handle herself, but because they just Generally care abt her yknow? as fucked up as her dying is, i think it did ultimately make her realize that THIS is what her friends were worried about. they didnt want THIS to happen to her, and i think in an odd way? it kinda made her. idk understand? trust? the people around her more. like in a 'oh, people around me dont only care about me for selfish reasons, or cruel reasons. they care because they CARE' way

and i think that, and the fact that she says that shed been thinking about this a lot? i feel like it kinda all forced her to slow down and WANT to talk to the people around her. because shed been pushing them all away because what was the point in talking to them? and i think once she REALLY noticed how amelia was doing, after thinking so much about all this, it kinda MADE her want to amend things. or at the very least, to talk to people more. shes isolated herself long enough, and its now more than ever that she realizes how much others meant to her in the first place.

(i think in some aspects, amelias method of coping also bothered her. amelias coping mechanisms werent necessarily BAD, theyre not good by real-world standards, but given the situation shes in, it was just... once of the few ways she COULD cope. but i think the flaws in this method of coping really came through once airy came back, because in forgetting everything about who she used to be, earth became a very daunting place, but now that airys back, any amount of feeling like home the plane may have unfortunately gained was completely undone. and i think charlotte actually SEES that, and its not the exact same as her own struggles, but i think she WANTS to help amelia, because she of all people knows how the feeling of being isolated, either on purpose or accident, can feel Extremely Awful. that, and she knew amelia before things on the plane got REALLY bad, and she SAW (since ive seen people note that she!!! was watching amelia do yoga w the others) amelia gradually give up, become comfortable, and then LOSE all of that

and i think, at least right before bryce showed up, it felt fucked up that charlotte WAS the only other person from the same world as amelia and theyd!!! never even spoken about it??? (like how she comments that they NEVER told each other their names. which only applies to her and amelia. that statement was intended very specifically towards amelia) and its like. i think it mightve made her a bit 'no WONDER shes not doing well. even if shes trying to act like she is' (which i dont even think amelia is doing to deflect so much as an attempt at 'if i pretend its ok it WILL be ok right?'))

and!!! once getting home i think this would all really lead her to be a bit more patient with others. i dont think the distrust would STOP being an issue, but i think such a terrible experience causing her to completely recontextualize the actions of those around her would actually help, at least a little . i dont actually know if i think shed stay friends w parker and that friend group, but i think theyd at the least keep in touch. parker clearly, even when they were arguing, STILL cared about her, and i think seeing her disappear probably was. a bit haunting, and so i think at the very least hed like to know shes Okay

also whenever people have the characters live together post canon, they only ever include bryce liam and amelia, and i GET why!!! charlotte didnt really interact w them for a looong time. but after charlotte is revived i actually see her as talking with them yknow? i dont think shed stop talking to them again, and i think her talking with amelia was a genuine attempt to help!! so i think theyd stick together. i dont imagine liam actually gets closer with any of the contestants while hes trying to send them home (tho i dont think it worsens substantially either. i think it just sorta. stays where it is? and if he did have notable interactions with any of them, itd PROBABLY be mainly w amelia and bryce, tho i dont think he DOESNT talk to charlotte too! he just has a diff sort of connection w those to, based on the experiences he Shared w them) so i think he isnt SUPER close w charlotte, but i think the others may become WAY closer w her!!! so i think if they all moved in together? that WOULD include charlotte!!! (that, and i think charlotte would also develop a sort of respect for liam . because he kinda DOES display exactly the type of traits she didnt really see people as having!!! going to EXTREME lengths to help people, including HER! so i think shed generally have many thoughts on him)

anyway !!! thats it the point is that as much as one would fuck charlotte up in her own way, i think, similar to how bryce tried to get his life together after he was first eliminated, shed similarly end up having a better ability to navigate social stuff in not such a pessimistic way as before!!!!!

[styxnbones]

anyways who wants to hear abt the absolutely insane larp session i had last night where sev got offered scourge cause im still losing my mind over this

prepare for a wall of fucking text

copy pasted from discord bc im not typing this all out again so yall can live w the spelling mistakes its just spice to show how excited i was/am

night started like pretty normal- sev and some of their pseudo-coterie had a scene investigating what we thought was like some kind of shadow orb but which turned out to be just the worlds fattest black cormorant ghoul. like the thing was literally the size of a beachball and sev got some weird looks for saying they wanted to kick it or like stick it with a pin to see if it would fly around like a ballon bc thats the kind of out of pocket shit you say when you're at humanity 5. gangrel guy talked to it and found out it used to be a ghoul for the old nosferatu primogen that had been killed in an explosion that wiped out the whole council back in june, but it has since been re ghouled by another nosferatu. nothing else really interesting in the area so we all head back to elysium

when we get there all the primogen are consipculously absent along w the prince and they've been gone in some side room talking for like the whole first hour and a half of the game. very tense energy in the main area even though no one can really put a pin on a reason for it. sev talks w the resident giovanni, Ms King, finds out she's been having some problems hunting and is really low on blood. so he offers her the use of his herd over the next couple of weeks if she needs a top up and doesn't mind them being a bit dosed up since sev's herd is all junkies. she offers a major boon in return, but sev downgrades it to a minor bc they don't want people to think they're ripping her off and its only 1 dot anyways. its all off the books though, because the harpy had been given the Undesireable status by the keeper last game so he couldn't come to elysium.

a bit after that is when the shitstorm starts really brewing bc sev gets pulled aside by the scourge, marcus, who they're on pretty good terms with at this point, and told that shit is gonna hit the fan when the primogen come back and that they should keep their head down and if they catch any strays they should come to him. about ten minutes later the prince storms out of the meeting and sev catches him saying "well it's not my meeting anymore it's theirs."

they then go over to talk to lennox, the tremere elder they serve as a bodyguard to bc they owe their sire (and who is played by my friend who i got into this game w me), and they tell sev that they'd heard the malk and nos primogen talking about praxis before the meeting started, and also that they had used their influence w the media to see a draft of some of the news this week that indicated that, as sev had suspected, the ventrue who was bloodhunted and killed last week for breaking the masquerade by overfeeding a military base and spreading some sort of disease, was not in fact the guilty party because now the exact same thing is happening in a different area and one of the people who got sick remembers being attacked by a "goth chick" which is a pretty wide demographic but def does not match the ventrue who got got.

so sev goes back to his little pseudo-coterie (the like 6 other kindred in the city who aren't pillar clans) and shares the tea, everyone tries to joke around abt the situation and make bets on who's going to be the next prince. sev guesses it'll be either Mr Light, the malkavian primogen, since he's seemed like the most competent person on the council even if he's kind of in the dog house right now for the suspicious circumstances of "his" new childe's embrace and for bringing said childe around to elysium without them being released let along acknowledged, or it'll be Ambrose- one of the nosferatu elders (the oldest kindred in the city in fact) who was previously Seneschal and has been hoarding major boons from people (sev included, for being given a sizable chunk of nosferatu territory)

when the primogen council does finally emerge it turns out sev was partially right. Absinthe, the nosferatu primogen is the one to make the announcement that the council has made a vote of no confidence towards the prince, and with 5 out of 7 on board (the banu haquim abstained and the tremere was against it since the now-ex prince was tremere) they're able to expend their statuses as primogen and give them up to strip the prince of his authority as well, which subsequently immediately renders everyone who held a title in the court out of a job and everyone in the city unacknowledged so no one can use any innate status powers either.

literally not a second after the words leave absinthe's mouth ambrose stands up and declares praxis

unfortunately for him, ambrose is a bit of a black sheep and doesn't really have anyone who would actually back him up outside of being told to in order to fulfil a boon. absinthe points this out, and publically shames him for even trying to pull this shit since she's the only reason he's even been allowed to stay in the city. Absinthe then declares that actually She is going to be prince, and already has the support of all the other (now-ex) primogen who voted to remove the prince with her, and subsequently their clans. the previous prince, having known this was going to happen already, decides to make what their player would after the game call the "smart choice instead of the fun one" and speak up in support of absinthe as their successor.

ambrose and absinthe then escalate into a like. seriously personal shouting match in front of literally every one making it very clear that they have some serious history and this isnt the first time they've gone over this. Absinthe tells him to leave elysium to spare himself further embarassment and they will deal with him privately back in the warrens. ambrose then decides to use FUCKING DOMINATE and tell HER to leave instead. he fails. and literally everyone with awareness, like over half the room, makes a mass skill test against the st to see if they detect the failed use of a discipline.

also at this point id like to note that ambrose has been standing up on like a little stage in the back of the church where we play and there's like a little table and some chairs up there where sev and their coterie usually hang out and i'm still sitting there and only just realize that everyone else has left so i like awkwardly sneak down into the pews while the awareness test is happening since sev doesnt have that skill

anyways. one of the people who succeeds the awareness test is this banu haqim neonate who apparently has balls of steel because he decides to put an end to this by using quietus to drop silence over ambrose and give his new prince a chance to address the crowd instead of dealing with her unruly clanmate

absinthe again tells ambrose to get lost, this time much less politely, and he vanishes with obfuscate and a merit that makes it so no amount of auspex can detect him. presumably he has left elysium, though in reality he lingers around for a while longer. Prince Absinthe, unchallenged by anyone else, brings everything back to order, and says that clans should gather to decide if they're going to change their primogen, and than anyone who isn't a tremere and was acknowledged by the previous prince can come see her to be reacknowledged.

sev and their gaggle of misfits end up at the back of the line, as is their lot in life, but everyone except the giovanni (who wasn't technically acknowledged in the first place but officially permitted to remain in the city, and has the relationship easily re-esablished) is reacknowledged relatively painlessly.

in an unconventional move, the previous prince had allowed the one remaining loyal brujah of the city to speak as primogen for the collective non-pillars. there's some doubt between us, as we stand in line, as to whether absinthe is going to let this arrangement stand since he had attacked her in a frenzy at the last game when the ex-prince had burnt the body of the bloodhunted ventrue and the fire set him off.

thankfully, the new prince says that he can remain in his position if we, his constituants, still want him to, but that if we don't want him we're not getting anyone (understandable since the only other elder among us is an ex-sabbat gangrel who is a confirmed-but-forgiven diablerist) and we decide if it ain't broke don't fix it

after that sev finds out that, though they're technically still unacknowledged bc absinthe won't talk to the tremere yet, lennox had almost won primogen for the tremere. obviously, no one was going to accept the previous prince as primogen, and aside from len the only other elder is the regent who thinks that camarilla status is a joke and doesn't want any part in it. in the last administration, on the reccomendation of the regent as a sort of fuck you the primogen had been a neonate, and len thinks that if they'd had just a couple more weeks to win people over they'd have snatched the job from her easily. but unfotunately, she's actually been doing pretty well and len's only real bid was that they were the only elder willing and able. len does still end up as whip though.

also, because ambrose in unacknowledged, sev had lost the Favoured status he had given them (which is honestly for the better, being seen as ambrose's protege was not great for his image but he hadn't really been in a position to refuse at the time), and lennox gives sev their Favour to replace it

and then, speak of the fucking devil, ambrose reappears. he comes in through the doors to elysium beelining for sev. i never get to find out what he wanted me for though, since hot on his tail is the ex-prince who snipes him in the back with a force bolt. the malk primogen swiftly steps in and hits them both with a mind whammy that put them into a catatonic state. the st presiding over this then states that because the doors were open, passing mortals outside definatly saw ambrose get like telekinetically blasted back and then both him and the ex-prince have what looks like some kind of mental break down, and that since blood has now been shed on elysium grounds it is immediately deconsecrated. (edited)

mr light then orders a bunch of his clanmates to go out and clean up the breach with dominate, and absinthe comes back into the main room like Motherfuckers I Looked Away For Ten Minutes, and demands that those responsible speak up. both of them are still in a fugue though, so the tremere primogen answers for it, saying that she will take full responsiblility for her clanmate's actions, and absinthe pulls her and the scourge (who is also nosferatu) into a side room.

when ambrose and magna recover the keeper takes custody of them, and wolfram (the aforementioned diablerist gangrel elder) gives the ex-prince a Warned status on top of the Disgraced he instantly got for ruining elysium.

when absinthe is done meeting w the tremere and the scourge, she comes out to pronounce ambrose Disgraced as well, but says magna is going to simply suffer that natural consequences of his actions since violence on elysium grounds automatically makes you Disgraced for a year. she also announces that the previous ventrue primogen is going to be her seneschal, and the new ventrue that the clan has named to replace her, as well as that the previous harpy is now no longer undesireable and in fact is the new keeper of elysium, with his sub-harpy replacing him. and then she says that the nosferatu are currently undecided on their primogen.

which makes sense because absinthe used to primogen, but can't anymore because she's prince, and the only other elder is Ambrose which. yeah. so the next best choice is marcus, the scourge, because he's a prodigal ancilla which means he's socially an elder even though he isn't one by blood or age.

but then. some one would need to step in to his role a scourge. and just before the sts call it for the night bc we're already and hour and a half over the usual end time, marcus comes to sev and explains this whole situation and asks them if they would take the job should he nominate them and have the prince grant them the Exempt status (which would overrule the restriction they have from being an Unreliable clan that prevents them from holding any rank in the sect) and obviously i fucking say yes

so yeah. WILD FUCKING GAME

[ificouldhelpyouforget]

Hi! I just dropped to say thank you on the comment you left on that fic writer complaining about having "old people" reading their fics. I'm 35 and it's already difficult to be an active fan within kpop because everyone thinks you're old, and now to tell me I could be Felix's mother (not even close) so I shouldn't read smut about him it's just so... Invalidating. He's an adult, he's in his 20's, I've seen people date with bigger age gaps (usually the man being older), and reading is just a fantasy??? It's a lot, for someone to tell me who and what I can and can't like? Awful. Sorry I end up venting, but I really wanted you to know I appreciate the comment because you really explained the point there perfectly.

I hope you had a great start of the year ❤️

Hello and happy new year! I first want to say thank you this message whoever you are anon. It encourages me to know that others feel the same as me. I'm sure even as anon, it wasn't easy to send this message especially when the fic writer is active on here (although blocked by me). And you're welcome. I was so bothered by it that I couldn't let it go without saying something. Ageism has never been an issue in fanfiction when I was growing up and I sure as hell am not going to let it happen now.

I'm gonna put a read more after this and dive into your message that I hope you see. 💜

I've been discussing this issue with fellow fanfic writers and readers and we're all on the same page thinking this situation is silly. One, although it is real person fiction, the Felix in the story is a character. He is not the exact embodiment of Felix of SKZ. The reaction of said fic writer gives the impression that they believe the Felix in their story is a perfect and exact replica of him. Which is impossible considering none of us know h personally or that intimately.

Two, he is 22 fucking (pardon) years old. He is a legal adult. I type up marriages at my work and I've seen people with 30+ age gaps get married. And shockingly, married couples often have sex. It might be odd for most of us, but it's not wrong.

Three (this topic really gets me ranting), if there is an issue with Felix being sexualized by an older reader (who really isn't that old), there should be an issue with him being sexualized in the first place. He can see anything written about him. It's on a public forum. The funny thing about public forums is anyone can read anything. Minors, adults, anyone.

Four, will the fic writer take down their fics once they hit 35+? The Felix in their story is his current age of 22, yes? So, that would make them too old to read that fic if they plan to live by that rule. Also, when they get older, will they decide to read smut between people their age? Or is it not sexier to read about younger adults getting in on when you still remember what that part of life was like? Being that it's fiction, it's not creepy or perverted to read it. Even in real person fiction because it's as you said: fantasy.

I want you to know that it is valid for you to feel that way about someone saying a certain age can't read smut about a 22 year old despite it being fiction and fantasy. Most people our age can define the line between reality and fiction. We know that Felix in a smut fic (or any fic) is not Felix irl.

To the reader who was condemned for reading that Felix smut, I'm sorry if the situation has made you feel shunned from a hobby you've probably held for a long time as a way to escape. Fanfiction has always been an open community since even before I started reading it and there's been an unfortunate shift that is killing off readership and I hate that it's happening. I'm sure you understand that the Felix in fics is a character and not the real person (boy that'd be pretty awkward 😅). It's not your fault that a writer can't see that it's just fantasy that you were enjoying. If you haven't blocked them, I would encourage it. They don't want you to read their stuff anyway so 🤷🏻‍♀️.

To all older readers/writers 35+, know that my blog is a safe space for you. You can share your rants and sadness and any other emotions you have about this strange trend in fanfiction. Reading smut about real people who are younger than you is not wrong. They are merely characters who share some characteristics and a name.

Sorry I turned your message into a ranting platform, but I've been so bothered by this issue because it shouldn't even be an issue. If you haven't blocked the fic writer, I encourage that you do because you're right in that age range of people they don't want reading their stuff. They won't miss your readership. I honestly blocked them as soon as they responded to me because it wasn't worth the battle and they clearly don't want my readership either. The beauty of Tumblr is how easy it is to block blogs to eliminate toxicity. ☺️ Thank you again for the message and I hope you find future fics with writers who don't mind older readers reading their smut. 💜 And you also have a safe place here on my blog.

[kattahj]

A personal musing on La Pluie, soulmates, and predestination

My reaction to La Pluie really made me examine how I feel about soulmates.

Now, this is more of me untangling my own feelings than it is any type of analysis of the show, so be aware of that before you hit read more (if you do).

I've always had a distaste of soulmates, but this show had me thinking more about why, and how, I get that reaction.

I did like the show, for the most part. While I put it on the backburner sometimes, I had no problem watching the whole thing (and I'm not someone who has to finish watching everything I start). In a way, how the show examined and subverted the tropes worked for me, at least up to a point, because every time I hear the word "soulmate" it's like Psycho shower scene music in my head, and that's not so dissimilar to what Saengtai feels.

But whether or not the soulmate thing is "real" in the La Pluie universe, and whether that makes it easier or harder for couples to find happiness, this is still a BL, and so the main characters HAVE to end up together! Which, poor Patts! It's not his fault I hear shower scene music every time I see his face, just because he unfortunately happens to believe in soulmates.

Would I have preferred Lomfon as a partner for Tai? No, not really. I don't think there was ever much basis for it. Tai didn't seem particularly interested, and Lomfon only interested in the way you're interested in that hot person you've talked to a couple of times.

I think I would have liked everyone to just go, "Okay, this has been interesting, but let's go our separate ways and forget this rain-fueled soulmate situation ever happened." And that wasn't ever going to be the end of a BL.

So, why the shower scene music?

What I realized was, it's the exact same feeling I get from "chosen one", or "prophecy" or "destiny". I hate them all. I hate the notion that there's some cosmic force that steers our lives in a specific direction that we cannot deviate from in a meaningful way, and we don't even get to know who that force is or what their reasoning is. I mean, if it were Cupid shooting his arrows at people, and I had a quibble with his decision, I could at least go, "Cupid clearly has shit aim" and be done with it. :-) It's hard to do that in the face of ineffability.

Most of my favourite characters have been people who do something completely different from what was expected of them. They were supposed to be meaningless, and became meaningful. They were supposed to be villains, and became heroes. My unchosen ones.

I guess it also ties into religion, and ideas of predestination. Now, I'm agnostic these days, but even the brand of Christianity I was raised in didn't believe in predestination, for which I'm grateful. There might be better and worse choices, but never just one correct path. Life as "choose your own adventure", rather than a straightforward story. (Or, to use the discussion of Cain and Abel from East of Eden, "thou mayest" rather than "thou shalt" or "do thou".)

And of course La Pluie is Thai, with entirely different religious customs and expectations, and I can't really speak of that. Nor can I make any deep analysis of how it uses soulmate tropes compared to how it's usually done, since I stay the fuck away from every love story that so much as breathes of soulmate, if I can help it, and only watched this one specifically because of the subversions.

The only other BL show I've watched that went there was Never Let Me Go, in its Our Skyy 2 epilogue. I wasn't happy about that, and wished they hadn't, but it was a bit easier to handle, in part because it came so late (after I was already invested in the ship), and in part because it seemed  more based on personality, and less on the random whims of the universe. We were told that Palm and Nueng, since they are who they are, will always be attracted to each other, but since they are who they are they will never be happy long-term until they learn to communicate better. Which, that's okay, I guess.

I still much prefer characters who get together just because they want to. And my absolute favourite kind are the ones whose time together is so valuable that they could break up tomorrow and it'd still be worth it.

Thinking of Moonlight Chicken as an example. If Jim and Wen break up, Jim has still learned to process his feelings after Beam's death, and not close himself off so much. Wen has still learned to live on his own and not stay in a bad situation because he can't stand being alone. If Li Ming and Heart break up, both of them have still won their freedom and started exploring the world, away from, yet reconciled with, their families.

A path doesn't have to end up a specific place to be worth taking.

And of course, it's rather ironic, feeling like this, that I sit here watching dozens of QLs, with their guaranteed HEAs (whether I want them or not).  The cosmic powers dictating the outcome do exist, and they're called the audience.

But I guess that's where decades of Bury Your Gays has taken me. If the alternative is death, I can take a little predestination. Just coat it in the chocolate of supposed free choice. :-)

[tomboy-writer]

Prompt: Chris Evans story where your boyfriend is a cheating douche-bag. He cheats on you time and time again and you get into a bit of a depression. You confide in your best friend, Chris Evans. His consoling leads to sex, the sex soon turns into a regular thing and you get happy again. Your boyfriend sees your change and promises that he will never cheat again and that he will treat you better. You’re happy but sad at the same time because now you have to break things off with Chris. But Chris won’t have it; he says that you should stay with him and not your boyfriend. You’re not sure of which decision to make, so Chris lists off reasons why you would be better off with him.

Chris Evans x black!reader

A/N: my first Chris Evans story!! Let me know what you guys think of it.

A/N 2: I started this story a few years ago and it took me a long time to finish cause I was on a very long writing hiatus and didn't finish this until earlier this year, so some of the story goes off of what the summary says and I decided to turn this into 2 parts (could be more, depending on how long the 2nd part is). So no smut in this part, just angst and dumb jokes. This also originally wasn't going to be a black reader story, but seeing how my ACTUAL 1st Chris Evans story went pretty well (the Game On story) I decided to make it another one cause I love it.

C/W: angst, swearing, my dumb jokes, 3rd person story (it hurt my brain to write it this way, but I wanted to try something different)

“He did it again, Chris! Michael cheated on me with some big titted chick,” Y/N said as she sobbed into her best friend’s shoulder.

Chris rubbed his friend’s back, trying to calm her down. He knew how to handle situations like these since Y/N went through so many of them with her boyfriend. Chris thought her relationship with Michael was like a broken record: always repeating itself. It was good at first with the couple being so obviously in love, but that changed six months later when Michael decided that Y/N wasn’t enough and started to cheat on her with multiple women. Y/N had been given advice by Chris countless times about guys like Michael and she listened to him, she really did. But she always ended up forgiving her unfaithful boyfriend and enjoyed the makeup sex that Michael would give her after.

“He and that big titted chick can both go to hell for all I care,” Chris replied. Then he lifted his friend’s head from his shoulder and made her look directly in his eyes. “Hey hon,” he said using his ‘friendly’ nickname for Y/N. “I think it’s about time you dropped that lame ass zero and got yourself a hero.”

“Okay, Captain America,” Y/N chuckled while wiping her face.

Chris laughed too, but deep down he was really hoping that Y/N would actually consider dating him. They met seven years ago and became fast friends. But the bearded actor didn’t count on falling for Y/N a few years later when he was doing an interview for one of his new movies and Y/N was there to help support him and make sure his anxiety didn’t get the best of him. While in the middle of the interview, Chris started to feel a little fidgety, so he tugged on his ear; a sign that told Y/N that he needed her help. She was standing right behind the cameraman, so Y/N could see everything that Chris was doing. She saw the signal and started to make some weird faces for her best friend.

Y/N made Chris and the interviewer crack up that day, especially when she stood right behind the cameraman and started to bulge her eyes out at him, making him laugh as well. At that moment, Chris realized that he had found that special someone. That special someone that he wants to spend the rest of his life with and just keep forever, never let go. 

Y/N was sweet, considerate and loved Disney movies and dogs as much as he did. So he felt that she was just perfect for him. He even started to mentally kick his ass for taking so long to realize this.

The interviewer asked Chris one last question before he had to leave.

“So, Chris, is there a special lady in your life? Ya know, besides your mother and sisters,” she asked.

Chris chuckled and looked right in Y/N’s direction with a bright smile on his face. “Well, I don’t have anyone yet,” the blonde answered, his eyes never leaving Y/N’s, “but I’m looking for her.”

“Chris? Chris, did you hear me,” Y/N asked suddenly, stopping Chris from remembering the day he fell for her.

Evans shook his head no. “Sorry, I zoned out for a few seconds.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “I said I would love to find a new boyfriend, but I’m still in love with Michael.” Chris rolled his eyes this time. “Don’t do that, man. I can’t help that these are my feelings for him.”

“But what are your feelings for him right now! Aren’t you sad? Pissed? Or feeling like you just wanna punch that douche-bag in the face so hard that his face caves in a little bit?”

Chris’s friend nodded her head yes and started to sob again. He felt bad for making Y/N cry; he would never want to make her tears fall from her eyes unless they were tears of joy. He grabbed Y/N and embraced her for a few minutes until she was calm again. Once was she was, Chris pulled away from Y/N enough to look her in her eyes.

“Hey, promise me that you’ll forget about that douche for at least two weeks and just try to find someone better. Okay?” Chris begged with sincerity in his eyes. 

“Okay,” I promise,” Y/N complied.

Chris kissed Y/N’s head and, after saying goodbye, left his friend’s house for the night.

           * * *

Chris returned to Y/N’s house a few weeks later. He rung the doorbell and heard a faint ‘it’s open’. Evans opened and closed the door behind him and blushed at the sight in front of him: there stood Y/N, wearing only a pair of boy shorts and an over sized t-shirt, no makeup. That’s when Chris thought, no knew, that Y/N was the most beautiful woman out there.

"Hi Chris," Y/N greeted her best friend with a warm hug and a kiss on his cheek. Evans couldn't help the blush that crept onto his face. He also couldn't help but to imagine if he and Y/N were together and he'd come home from being on set all day long, her greeting him the same way she was now except that she'd try to pull back a little to ask him about his day. But Chris would hold his lover in a tight embrace, kiss her so lovingly, so passionately, and ask about her day instead.

Yeah, Christopher Robert [Jamal] Evans would love that.

"Hey, Y/N," Chris replied as he breathed in the embrace. "How've you been lately?"

"A little bit better; not fully okay, but I'm getting there I think," Y/N answered.

Chris shook his head in disbelief. He knew when his best friend was lying to him. "Y/N," he whispered, "I can see in your eyes that you're hurting more than letting on. You sure you're doing fine?"

Y/N's smile was quickly replaced with a small frown. "I'm doin' fine, Evans," she answered, mocking Chris's Boston accent. "And, before you ask, yes I have went on a few dates with other guys; three to be exact. First guy wouldn't shut up about his ex-wife; like I was supposed to be his therapist or something. Second guy -this gorgeous dreadhead- we connected and shit, but he too wouldn't stop talking about his ex and his table manners were terrible." You rolled your eyes before finishing your list. "Last but not least, I went on date with Mr. I-Got-Tons-of-Money-Baby. We didn't connect at all and I'm sure it was cause of his cocky attitude and the way he talked down to people -it was disgusting! " The dateless woman flounced into her big living room and plopped down onto her L-shaped sofa. "Trying to find a new man is pointless, Chris. Either I start dating women cause why the fuck not!? Or I just give up on love all together."

Chris chuckled but then nervously cleared his throat after he came up with a great -but what he also thought was a heart attack inducing- idea. "Y/N," he stammered.

"Yeah, man?"

"If the whole thing with you dating females doesn't work out, but you still want to try to find love, then I know exactly who you should date next."

Y/N gave Chris a questionable look. He didn't say anything back, just raised an eyebrow and grinned mischievously. It took Y/N a few seconds to understand what Chris was talking about. But once she did, her mouth went into an O shape, showing her shock and surprise.

"Are you serious, Evans," Y/N exclaimed; eyes now wide as golf balls. "You wanna date me!?!"

The actor chuckled. He didn't think that his friend would be so shocked by his words. "I've been wanting to date you basically almost ever since we first met, Y/N. I just- -I just never knew what to say to you about it, or if you felt the same way or not and if you didn't then I didn't want to ruin our friendship, or if you did feel the dame way but then something bad happens to us down the road and then that messes with up our friendship and then there's the thing with paparazzi..." Chris was rambling on and on but Y/N was listening to everything he was saying. Hanging onto every word that was coming out of her best friend's mouth.

Y/N had never known that Chris had felt this way about her. It wasn't that she was completely oblivious (well, maybe a little), but she also never saw any signs of her friend being in love with her. Wait. Was Chris in love with Y/N? As far as she knew -or as far as she thought from what she was told so far- this was just a crush. A crush confession that apparently was a long time coming. She wondered how she felt for Chris; did she have the same feelings for him like he did for her? When they first met, all Y/N cared about was how Chris acted as a person, not as Captain America or as an actor in general. But as Chris Evans, an everyday man. Y/N knew, after that one day of meeting Evans, that she wanted to be best friends with the man, nothing more and nothing less. But now, with Chris' confession and continuous ramblings, Y/N was having different and a little bit confusing thoughts.

Sure Chris Evans is an very attractive man, physically speaking. But Y/N doesn't care about looks -much- when it comes to dating or anything for that matter. She thinks what makes people attractive is their personality more than anything, and she knows Chris has the best personality she's ever seen from a person. But she wasn't sure if she was ready to date him or anyone else for that matter. Although, if Y/N was going to date more, then Chris would probably be her number one pick.

"So, what do you say, Y/N," Chris asked, hopeful.

______________________________________________________________

And that's the end of part 1, everyone. Part 2 will be posted....probably next week or so. It is currently one of my WIPs so I'm definitely working on it.

But what do ya'll think will happen next? What will Y/N's answer to Chris be? Will she say yes, or will she say no? Who knows??? Except for me; I know. Also, you're Y/N; Y/N is you, so you better hope that you say something positive back :P Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this! Thanks for reading!!

[elliotwittsimp]

Plenty of “mes” to go around

Word Count: 1.5K???

Warning: SMUT, 18+, oral (f&m recieving), decoys being used, PIV, anal, swearing and I think thats about it. If I’m missing anything let me know. 

A/N: Sorry if there is misspelling or grammar mistakes. Also idk how to work out the spaces in tumblr. Its been a long time since I written. 

You and Elliot have been dating for quite a while. 5 months to be exact…you were counting. Dating the handsome trickster was the best and unexpected thing to happen. You two met when you started as a new legend. Being in Elliot’s team, he kept flirting with you about your appearance. Also how you and his decoys should have a fun time soon. Laughing it off due to being nervous and not really knowing the man. But also a bit interested with his offer. Skip to him asking you on a date then asking you out while having dinner at his place. Now here you are, spending the weekend on the Mirage Voyage. He was at his grill cooking pork chops as you sat in the hot tub watching him. Yes, you and Elliot were…active…but there were some things you wanted to try with him. Knowing he wouldn’t judge you for anything since he did fuck you out in the open while fighting on Worlds Edge. So why were you nervous to talk to him about this one thing? It’s not like it was weird. Maybe it would be to him? Elliot looked over to the hot tub noticing that you were too quiet and have your thinking face on.

“Everything okay baby?”, he asked as he walked over to you. Slowly sitting up straight as he climbed into the hot tub and sat next you.

“Yea…just thinking about the next match. Kinda nervous since I didn’t do that well last time.”, scooting over and hugging the side of him. Elliot put his arms around you, kissed your cheeks. One of his hands moved to your chin and softly made you look up at him.

“You’ll do great next match. You’re the best legend I know. Well..besides me”, laughing at his cockiness and playfully pushing him away.

“Shut it Witt.”. You stood up and climbed out the tub. Grabbing your towel, wrapping it around yourself. He climbed out as well to check on the pork chops. Becoming very quiet as you walked to him.

“Can…I talk to you about something?”

“Of course you can? What is it babe?”, still focused on the pork chops.

“I know you won’t judge me for anything but I was thinking that maybe we can spice up our sex life…”, nervously playing with your fingers as you thought of how to say it. Elliot chuckled as he looked at you.

“I thought it was already spicy. Is it not enough for you?”, raising his eyebrows trying to figure out what’s going on inside your brain. You took a deep breathe, preparing yourself for the request.

“I would like your decoys to join us. When we fuck next time.” There were no words just silence as he dropped his tongs. After struggling to catch them, he finally opened his mouth.

“W-w-well they’re not exactly t-t-t..you can’t touch them. They’ll disappear”, you thought he just was awkward about it cause he thought it was weird. But you were wrong. He was waiting for you to say something, just that he didn’t expect you to ask for it.

-

After a few days you got over the embarrassment of asking about it. It wasn’t awkward afterwards but you two felt the tension in the air. You noticed that after coming back from the Mirage Voyage, Eillot was always in his tech room. Knowing he usually goes in there to fix his holographic suit or something. But he was in there longer than he usually does. You were sitting on the couch watching some show but not paying any attention to it.

“Okay! I got it!” he barged in excitingly.

“What? What did you get?”, pausing the tv to listen to him.

“I figured out how they can be used during sex! I mean they’re still holograms but I fixed it so they and you can touch each other! The last few days I’ve been trying to see how I can change the issue.”, you just looked at him, blushing at the thought of the decoys.

“Elliot you didn’t have to do that”

“I know but…I-I-I wanted to. And plus I’ve been waiting for you…to ask” he sat in front of you.

-

“So…I just sit here and you’ll just throw them out?” You asked him as you sat naked on your knees on the middle of the bed.

“Yea. Pretty simple just gotta” , then Elliot threw 4 decoys of himself. You couldn’t help but bite your lip as you saw them surround you. Elliot was making sure he had everything he needed before he started.

“Ready baby?”, giving him a nod, that signaled him it was okay to start. He and the decoys climbed onto the bed. Elliot crawled to you, pulling you in for a kiss. One of his hands went to your hair as he softly kissed you. The other went down to your breasts, squeezing and his thumb lightly rubbing your nipple. Soon you felt another hand squeeze your ass then another caress your thigh. So many hands were on you touching many places. Trying to figure to out which decoy was where, Elliot’s tongue slipping into your mouth interrupted your thoughts. Distracting you with the kiss, not noticing that he made you lay on your back. His hand separating your legs. Placing kisses from your thigh to your pussy. His mouth placed a soft kiss on your clit then you felt his tongue lick a stripe up. Around your head, the decoys were standing stroking their cocks. You blushed not knowing what to do.

“You can touch them baby. It’s okay”, the fucker smirked before he continued to eat you out. Slowly wrapping one of your hands on the decoy’s dick. Stroking it up and down as he threw his head back. Then licking the tip before you put him in your mouth. Moaning on his dick as Elliot slowly slid in two fingers in your hole. He started to lick your pussy faster, spitting on your clit. Then with his other hand he rubbed it in circles before using his tongue again. The pleasure he was giving you was not letting you concentrate on the decoy’s dick. Soon his fingers found your spot, which made you let go of the decoy’s dick. Your hand pulling Elliot’s hair instead.

“Don’t stop Elliot! Please!”, his finger gained speed as his other hand holds you down from thrusting against his fingers. Whimpering as he took out his fingers before you were able to cum around them.

“Elliot please! I need to cum!”, he laid on his back, smirking as you whined.

“Don’t worry. Mirage will let you cum. Just have to be patient.”, straddling him as the decoys followed. One was behind you, two positioned themselves on each side of you. The last one was in front of your face, his dick almost poking your mouth. Elliot grabbed some lube and rubbed it against your holes. His dick slid into your pussy so beautifully. His cock stretching your hole and filling you up. Not able to take a breath, his decoy slowly slid his dick into your ass. He caressed your back to distract you from the pain as he entered. Once you were comfortable with the two of them filling you up. They started to thrust with the same rhythm. The decoy in front of you grabbed your head as he pushed his dick into your mouth. Feeling bad, you gave attention to the other two. Stroking their dick with your hand at the same time. You never felt this much pleasure. Everything about the situation was making you wetter and overwhelmed. Since his decoy was fucking your mouth, drool started to run down your breasts. Elliot licked up against your breast, catching your drool. The one behind you slapped your ass, thrusting into you faster than Elliot was. Moaning and stroking their dicks faster. You knew you weren’t gonna last long. Trying to tell Elliot that you about to cum, but couldn’t due to his decoy’s dick making you gag. You felt yourself stay still, squirting hard on Elliot’s dick, making his dick push out. Pulsating around the decoys dick as he stayed still in your ass, letting you enjoy the best orgasm you ever had. After they let you rest for a bit, Elliot told you get off so he can stand up.

“Get on the floor!” by the tone of his voice, you knew he was close. Quickly getting on your knees, they surrounded you again. Looking at the five Elliots stroking their dick near your face was making you want to cum again. Their grunts and watching them thrust into their own hand. Did something to you like nothing ever had. Elliot made his dick tap your lips.

“Open that mouth”, obeying his command. You felt him and the others cum all over your face. Stroking two of the nearest ones you could reach, to make sure they got everything out. Sucking Elliot’s tip as he watched the mess that him and his decoys made. He was so proud of himself that he is the only person to give you this much pleasure.

Maybe he should use his decoys more often.

[dilucids]

hi!! is it alright if you do a scenario w/ the boys with an idol! au where we start going out with them and our fans start getting hints? basically like a continuation from your celebrity crush scenario, thank you!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤDropping Hints, Genshin idol!au

dropping hints to your fans about your relationship.

includes: kaeya, diluc, zhongli, xiao

( i have to write idol!au for more characters soon and thank you for requesting! )

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 KAEYA ALBERICH ━━ FROSTWIND SWORDSMAN 〕

i feel like kaeya really enjoys showing off his s/o when he's in a relationship so he wouldn't keep anything under wraps at all

he'd post really "subtle" photos of you two on dates on his story with /those/ songs and it'd take people a while to figure out what was happening because they'd be of the scenery or a really closed up photo of you but some crazy twitter fan had been keeping track of them and found a photo of himself where your shadow was also in the photo so shit went down.

someone would notice a certain shirt in one of his close up photos and then would also find you, in that exact shirt; on that exact day, so neither of you are very subtle. ( unless you wanted fans to find out )

either way, dating rumours would pop up and kaeya, who is definitely enjoying the entire situation━━ not even my man's company, just him on his personal twitter at 3am would say: "it's true"

it gets deleted a few minutes later but his company posts an official statement saying you guys are dating and both of you hope fans can be respectful of it and then your company would also come out with it.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 DILUC RAGNVINDR ━━ DARKNIGHT HERO 〕

he also likes showing off his s/o but he's more aware of his circumstances so withholds his desires to show you off more than kaeya does.

he would, however, buy you guys matching jewellery sets ( kinda suspicious but no one says anything for now, there's not enough evidence. )

he's usually very good at aligning your instagram posts so if you two are on a date and take photos at the same place, you post at different times so less suspicion is aroused but this particular time, he either forgets ( no chance of that happening ) or he doesn't it purposely ( it's this one ) cause he posts a photo of the same cafe you just did five seconds ago; my man doesn't even wait 24 hours.

you posted a picture of yourself, with someone else sat across from you taking the photo, and your photo shows clearly the drinks on the table; diluc's photo is a photo of the table, which obviously shows the drinks and your shirt in the corner.

everyone goes fucking wild; diluc is literally the nation's dream boyfriend and someone bagged him? a mutal fan later finds that you had posted a mirroring photo earlier and here comes the twitter thread with the matching jewellery and every other little thing.

your company is the first to respond saying that you guys are together and then diluc's

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 ZHONGLI ━━ VAGO MUNDO 〕

would go at whichever pace you want to, though he has his own desires of making it known that you two are together when other people flirt with you on variety shows, he's aware that you also have comprised the same thing.

so because of idol contracts, you're banned dating for a few years at least but since you've both outgrown those regulations when you say you'd like to be a bit more public about your relationship, he'd be willing but also establish a few rules since this could possibly jeopardise your careers. ( he first wants to make it known to your respective companies that you're dating )

in terms of actual hints, you guys would wear matching jewellery on same days; zhongli would talk about his day during lives with his fans and if you guys went out that day, he'd discreetly mention you or if you were on live, he'd text you and do cheesy shit that makes you smile and giggle to yourself so your fans are all "wtf they laughing at?" ( yk that young parents do when you're on the phone, laughing bc of sumn you saw or your friend said n they're like "you talking to a lover?" yh that basically. )

obviously, since his fans are all big brained for some reason, it only takes them these simple hints to realise it. obviously, they're all happy and hyping zhongli up on twt or sumn for bagging his celebrity crush ( though many of them are jealous since you're hot and vice versa )

zhongli tweets out a massive paragraph ab how you guys are dating and that he'd treat you right so your fans don't have to worry and that you're an amazing partner so his fans don't have to worry.

his company doesn't know about it but he keeps it up anyways.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ〔 XIAO ━━ CONQUEROR OF DEMONS 〕

he's very lax about the relationship; meaning he doesn't really care if fans find out or not, he just wants you to be comfortable so when he posts pictures that were from your dates, he always checks with you first.

you were more paranoid about this at first and made sure there was no trace of you whatsoever in his photos but overtime, you allowed to post risker photos just as long as your full body wasn't in the shot or the focus of the picture.

xiao is a big jewellery fan, so matching jewellery is a big yes. however, fans had began to notice that he and you share the same collection of jewellery ( this isn't a mere coincidence, the man steals your jewellery and uses them like they're his own (( dw, he always returns them )) and it's a little suspicious ).

one day, he asks to post a picture where you're stood in the middle of a bridge, the full moon shining down on you, making it apparent that an entity was stood there but still hiding all of your features. he tells you it's okay if you're not fine with it, but after a while, you both comprise and he posts it with no caption nor tag and basically acts like he hadn't just outed his relationship.

his fans though? go mad.

i feel like xiao's fans are the type to be very good at coming up with theories and playing detective ( they're either really good or really stupid sometimes ). they, for some reason, start trying to find the backs of other idols and see if it matches the one in his photo and it takes almost a full month for someone to propose: what if this person wasn't an idol at all.

also, i feel like neither of you ever make it official and you keep dropping hints everywhere so that your fans are in for an eternity of hell.

[pinkpruneclodwolf]

*Screaming shaking wailing crying sobbing throwing up----* AUGH UR NEW CHAPTER IS SO?????

The way you write and show the intricate, complexity of siblinghood and how society perceives what siblings should be like that it ends up twisting what siblings actually are is giving me so many fucking emotions because while my brother doesn't necessarily hurt me in the same degree merry does to their siblings and vice-versa there are certain moments i can recount where i am deeply hurt by his actions but can't say anything because our parents had drilled into our heads that----

"arguing is not allowed as siblings, you only have each other---so bear with it." which isn't inherently bad to say but it does like ruin chances where we could grow as people by arguing and seeing from each other's views... instead things... just lay doormat and unresolved for us both which is why I like how you decided to portray that instead of just portraying merry as the stereotypical good older sibling tm who doesn't complain or feel resentful or any kind of complicated emotions really in regards to their situation w their siblings bc it's actually the exact opposite and they feel very conflicted over feeling like that bc of elder sister guilt AND bc society always reinforces the perception that older siblings aren't allowed to dislike or have complicated feelings towards their younger siblings or vice-versa.

KJSHFKJSHDFJHSKJFHSJ ANYWAYS--- enough of me being emotional about siblinghood... THE MAGIC STONES BEING LINKED TO THE BODY AND THE BODY BEING LINKED TO THE MIND AND THEREFORE THE SOUL KSJHFSJHFKS i absolutely love that concept because it makes so much sense why when overblotting your stone darkens and your body does a magical girl transformation 🤡🤡🤡KJDSSJDKFLSJ this kind of brings back an old idea i have where when you're a mage you have a designated stone type catered to your magic affinity to you so you can ACTUALLY do magic as a mage which would make sense, considering the world building in twst, but like what do you think??

Anyways how are you btw?? It's been a while since I last dropped by all things considered so i hope you're doing well!! XD Anyways till next time <3

ITS ABOUT THE GOLDEN CHILD SYNDROME ITS ABOUT THINKING YOUR SIBLINGS ARE AN ACCESSORY TO YOU BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE YOURE PROTECTING THEM ITS ABOUT WANYING TO BE A BETTER SIBLING/PERSON BUT NOT KNOWING HOW ITS ABOUT HOW ABUSE IS PERPETUATED ITS ABOUT FOLLOWING IN YOUR PARENTS FOOTSTEPS ITS ABOUT ALLOWING YOUR SIBLINGS TO BE THE SCAPEGOAT BECAUSE YOU FEAR WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THAT WAS YOU ITS ABOUT TRYING TO HEAL AND SET BOUNDARIES BUT NOT KNOWING HOW BECAUSE YOURS HAD BEEN VIOLATED BEYOND BELIEF ITS ABOUT FEAR ITS ABOUT HOW YOUR FRIENDS PERCEIVE YOUR SIBLINGS AND HAVING THE "NORMAL" BELIEF BE CEMENTED AND SUBSEQUENTLY YOUR ACCESSORY BELIEF ITS ABOUT CONSCIOUSLY PERPETUATING ABUSE ITS ABOUT HURTING THOSE AROUND YOU ITS ABOUT—

I am mentally ill.

I want to clarify that Meruem is actually the middle sibling this is due to her brother being perceived as dumber than her and her sister being young (6) which means her mother imprinted upon her because she was deemed the normal one out of the bunch.

Her older brother is the scapegoat.

I kinda destroyed the language barrier aspect (only a little, Japanese has so many nuances and I want to imply that the group speak slower around her so that she can grasp it) but if Cater and Merry could talk they'd definitely realize they are both the same and different. Because Meruem is the one who believes that her siblings are an accessory while Cater was seen as an accessory by his sister's (and even his mother to an extent).

Although, Cater is more roundabout when it comes to addressing his needs and playing them off as less than Meruem and Leona don't address their needs period until its pressed out of them (if they don't lash out)

I wanted to display that Merry does have a mean streak and treats Ace like her mom treated her brother and Deuce like her mom treats her and Grim like Ace like her brother and that will come to a head somewhere I this arc.

Leona and Cater and Meruem are bitter people for different and similar reasons and the Savanaclaw arc is going to reflect that honestly.

Leona because society and how his brother was propped up as the golden child, the magnum opus and he, the scapegoat for all his brother's shortcomings. Leona does care for his brother and even worries for him even stating that "[my brother] is too naive]" but because he wants half the recognition that he'd been deprived of as a child he'll only allow offhanded worries to slip through.

Cater's relationship with his sisters should be well known because it runs so deep into his personality that even his UM is affected by it. The personal story where they were raising mandrake that display a person's true personality and Cater's being described as wailing and sorrowful.....

Which is why I believe that Jack and Trey, who have good relationships with their siblings. Jade and Floyd, who society deems the "normal" one and the "abnormal" one respectively. Ace, who mentions healthy competition with his brother. And Deuce and Riddle, who are only children. Cater who is still bitter about how his sisters treated him, should've/had played roles in the Savanaclaw Chapter.

Crowley was definitely lying about the Stones not being linked to the soul because that'd raise questions. Specifically ones like "are the Stones the ones that induce OB?" Something along those lines that you asked previously.

I do think that Stones are connected through like minded individuals, the Heartslabyul group have red gems but probably of different origin (ruby, garnet, red beryl...) to show that they are the same but are still different. Because souls are different and the same just as people are.

Crowley is shady I'm so serious.

But yeah, depending on the Stone one might be more affected by Blot than the other, and I do think some people (Idia, Grim) are less affected by Blot than others.

White Fang (who Jack Howl is based off of) and the themes of Nature v Nurture, Siblinghood, and abuse will be the major themes in this arc so.... Yeah.

[daniyanii]

I POSTED THIS ON MY WATTPAD (melaninanimez) FIRST

Soft Yandere Dabi

You remember the exact day you met him. You were just doing your day to day job as a florist. You loved your little shop with everything you had left, because well....it was all you had left.

Many years ago your shop was actually your fathers. You used to run around smelling the flowers and playing with the petals in your own world while he worked to give you everything he could. Life was good...until it wasn't.

One day while you were playing in the back room, your father was being robbed. He was always a prideful man and would refuse to give up, but that was his downfall. He refused to give the money not because he was greedy, but because he was saving up to give you a real christmas that year.

After he refused the money the robber was fed up. Your little dream world was interrupted by a single gunshot, something heavy dropping to the floor, and rummaging through the cash register.

You heard the bell on the front door ring quickly as whoever committed this crime ran off. You were completely frozen with fear, but you slowly inched yourself out the room. Once you hit the main room you were horrified to see blood spilling down the small steps that lead behind the counter.

"Daddy?" your high voice whispered out

But you got not response, the only sound that filled the room was the spilling of blood and your jagged breaths.

You had to no choice but to walk up the steps since that was the only way to get behind the counter. You always used to run around barefoot so you had to step directly in the warm trailing blood. When you peeked behind the counter it confirmed your worst nightmare.

Your father had been shot dead.

You remember running to his body and screaming. Begging him to move or talk, asking him not to leave you. But after a few minutes of crying and pleading you knew it was over, he was gone.

He wasn't the first parent you had seen dead either. Your mother killed herself by overdosing a year prior. It took you hours to realize she wasn't just sleep. You remember bouncing on her chest laughing, and begging her to get up. But after your poured water on her hand and when she didn't move you knew something was wrong.

You always tried not to think about it but without fail it remained a constant replaying memory. It was like an annoying fly who just wouldn't go away no matter how many windows you open. You took the pain and trauma from both of those situations and pushed it all the way down to your feet. Whenever you thought about it in public you would just put a smile on your face like always and keep moving.

One day a young man came in staring at the ground, refusing to look up at you. Nevertheless, you still smiled and greeted him like all your other customers.

"Do you have any sunflowers?" He mumbled out still looking as far down as he could.

"Of course I do! Let me show you." You spoke with enthusiasm since surprisingly no one ever asked for sunflowers. Plus....they were your dad's favorite.

You stepped down the steps, and lightly grabbed his hand to lead him to the flowers. He seemed to tense at this but didn't pull away.

"Theyre all the way back here since people aren't usually big fans of them." You explained but quickly shut up, feeling like he wasn't one for small talk. You let go of his hand when the sunflowers came in view.

"There they are, beautiful as ever. I'll leave you to it, any other questions you have I'd be glad to answer." Since his head was slightly up now he could see you but you couldn't really see him, you still gave him your warmest smile and began to walk back to the counter.

"Um, can you actually help me pick one? I'm not very good at this." He spoke deeply, he knew that any other day he would have wordlessly walked in and wandered till he found what he needed, grabbed the first one he saw and left. But something about this woman made him have to talk to her. She radiated this warmth that even he couldn't make.

"Of course! It's not like there's anyone else in here." She turned around smiling again

She began asking him simple questions only flower related. She could tell he was a private man due to his lack of responses and she would respect that. After they picked which ones he wanted they traveled back up to the counter. He had subconsciously fully lifted his head up, displaying scorched skin and stitches. He didn't even realize until she spoke again.

"I'm sorry but your eyes are just beautiful." She confessed to him which made his eyes widen

Half of my face is burnt to a crisp but she noticed my eyes first? And complimented me...she must be joking

"I'm sorry again, I didn't mean to upset you and overstep. Here you go, free of charge." She quickly recanted once she saw his face frown

When he went to grab the flowers his hands grazed hers. He expected her to snatch her hand back after feeling the scorched skin, but she gently let go once she was sure the flowers were in his grip.

"It's alright. Thankyou for the flowers and helping me but I must pay you." He reached to his pocket but she pulled his hand out, holding it for a second.

"No need. It's nice to actually have a customer on the weekdays. Consider it a gift!" beaming brightly and the dark man

That damn smile again, why is it so enchanting? Is that her quirk?

"What's your name?" He blurted out before he could stop himself, and subconsciously tightened the hold on her hand

"Y/n L/n. What about you stranger?" Her smile never once faltered and she didn't even think about pulling her hand away

Why isn't she scared of me? Or is she just good at acting?

"Dabi. My name is Dabi." He bluntly responded

"Well Dabi, I hope to see you again. You seem like a good man." Y/n had always been like this, her kindness knew no limits. Anyone else would’ve immediately labeled Dabi dangerous…which he was

"I- Okay." For once Dabi didn't know what to say

After that day he stalked her non stop. It was such a surprise to see that once she was in the "safe" confines of her home how fast her smile dropped. How on most days her eyes would immediately begin to water as she scolded herself about being weak.

It saddened him to see how draining it was for her to act so nice. She wasted her kindness on anyone and everyone, and it took a lot out of her.

He had finally worked the courage up to go back. This time he knew he'd have to have her forever.

"Hey Dabi! Nice to see you again." she exclaimed

She remembers my name?

"Hi Y/n." He spoke lowly trying to avoid eye contact since he knew she was probably disgusting by his burnt skin and stitches

"More sunflowers?" she questioned since most people always got the same flowers

"Um, I guess you could say that." He answered knowing she wouldn't get it, but he knew that whenever he saw sunflowers (or any flower for the most part) he couldn't help but see her smile.

He considered her a flower, more specifically a sunflower.

"Well you know where they are. Need any help picking them out?" She questioned while he just nodded in response

She took a deep breath and walked down the very steps that haunted her. Almost as if she could still feel the warm blood between her toes She refused to show her pain so she did what she always did....smile the pain away.

When they got to the very back where no one could see them, he grabbed her hand. Not forcefully, but he had a good grip on her, scared that she would snatch away.

but she didn't

and in that moment he knew

she was his and his only

"Dabi are you okay?" She asked smile slowly dropped as she saw his nervous face

"Why aren't you scared of me?" He blurted out, needing to know the reason.

Her warm smile came back as she grabbed his hand a little tighter

"Well, you haven't given me a reason to be. You're really nice, and I have no room to judge anyone."

Dabi's heart was beating so fast he could hear it. He no longer could live without her, what was to come next had to be done.

"W-Would you mind taking a walk with me?" He asked nervously, knowing that any normal person would practically scream no

"Of course, the shop is slow today anyways. Come on." She took their hands and intertwined their fingers

Dabi could feel all the blood rushing to his cheeks. He never had a woman, or anyone touch him like this so willingly.

She let Dabi lead and after quite some time she realized he was walking her out of town.

"Dabi where are we going? Town is back that way." She questioned

"I-I'm selfish. I need you, I want you, and so I'll have you. You'll learn to lik-." Dabi was cut off by lips touching his

His heart damn near stopped

He had never been kissed before

He'd never even had a hug

And here she was kissing him first

"Dabi I already like you. I'll go anywhere you want, but what about my shop? It's been in my family for generations." She replied softly

I'm fucking dreaming arent I?

"W-We can arrange t-to have it looked after." He was in such shock he could barely talk

"Okie Dokie. Then lets go!"

"Are you serious? You're not gonna run or scream and call me a monster? You'll just come with me willingly?" He stared at her with udder disbelief, expecting her to kill me

"Will you protect me?" She ignored his questions and dropped her smile to know she was serious

"With my life. You'll never be hurt again." He didn't even hesitate, wrapping arms around her waist, not pulling her in for a hug because he didn't wanna scare her.

"Will you give me your loyalty?"

"There is no one else I could ever feel like this for. Only you." He confessed truthfully

"And you promise not to leave?" She was tired of everything in her life leaving

So what if Dabi wasn't "normal"?

So what if she would never leave his sight?

She finally had someone again, and she didn't wanna have to let go again.

And he wasn't letting her go

So it would all workout

"I will never leave you. And you can't leave me. I-I love you." Dabi couldn't believe he just said that but he really couldn't believe what happened next after that

"Then what are we still here for. I'm ready to go home with you." she said while pulling him in for a deep hug

He just inhaled her scent, she smelled so floral and ethereal.

He couldn't believe she wanted to be with him.