#like wow. top tier experience

[spark-lapis]

hey so idk if you remember but that one aita blorbo post you reblogged with the professor guy and the crystal where you called him a coward in the tags was mine and I just wanted to say that when I saw your tags it made me so happy because I've been working on the worldbuilding and plot development for that for four years now (the eldritch horror stuff is a newer development after I realized I was wasting so much story potential by just making it a fancy rock) and your tags made me feel very proud of myself because it showed that somebody appreciated it and thought it was cool.

Sorry for dumping this on you. Also J is the protagonist and I will give him as happy of an ending as I can. In case you were worried for him. I don't know much about portal but that cave Johnson fella seems very interesting so maybe I should try to find a decent letsplay (no ability to play myself)

i do in fact remember that one!!! and i really really did think it was cool!!! the eldritch horror and Messing With Forces Beyond Your Comprehension For Power vibes are some of my favorite so!!! yeah!!

the vibes overall were just VERY cool, it really felt like the asker was kind of subconsciously aware that he's in over his head and just kind of defaulted to the Dean's opinion on everything. unreliable narration and shaky conviction are ALSO things that i love in my stories!! and wow that worldbuilding and plot is VERY cool. moral atrocities in the name of pursuit of power & reckoning with supernatural forces much greater than the lives of any individual are so so awesome. beloved tropes and themes ✨

also don't be sorry for "dumping" something like this!! it always makes me super happy when i get excited about something someone made and then it's actually really meaningful to them because it's like wow!!! i got to read an awesome thing AND my commentary on it was encouraging to the original author??? like that's just awesome twice !!!

genuinely i am very invested in this story, it seems VERY cool and i would be absolutely interested to see how everything ends up!! the professor/asker seemed kind of deeply pathetic to me in a hubristic puppet sort of way so i am especially curious about whether he would end up breaking free of all that and deciding to do what's right, or meeting some kind of unfortunate end at the hands of the path he's passively chosen to follow!!

as for cave johnson, i did find this clip of all his voicelines in what i'm pretty sure is chronological order; the minute and a half between timestamps 8:51 to 10:22 should be pretty representative! includes his famous "lemon rant" too (though cw for aggressive yelling). basically the hubris is off the charts and after killing countless test subjects in dangerous experiments he ended up bankrupting his company, poisoning himself with moon rock dust, and becoming fatally ill as a result.

(entirely understandable not to play it yourself, it also took me ages to get through; it it is not a particularly easy game even if you have access to it!)

[astonmartingf]

SITUATIONS ; CS55

carlos sainz x fem!reader

. . . a well spent summer ends up with you going viral, with your overnight fame you figure out the man behind the mystery that is your summer fling

previous: summer is for falling in love

next: stay with you

yourusername posted a new video

view comments...

user1 summer fling??? SHUT UP Y'ALL

user2 the way i would also fold 😣

user3 uhm... surely you're not dating ma'am

user4 MHHMMM!!!!:!:?:?:! okay i'm sleeping on the highway tonight

user5 the chemistry?? how long did this summer fling last?

hehehehe it was just two weeks 😌

user6 two weeks?? dame i thought this was a two year relationship

user7 when will i experience this type of summer fling?

user8 it's everybody but me, i see it...

charles_leclerc uploaded a new story

[literally pulled over a parking lot to check a message]

carlossainz55 replied to your story

eyy, no need to expose me like that

HAHAHAHAHAHA you scrambling over the seat

top tier reaction

thank you to pierre btw

no problem, as long as you give credit where it's due ☺️

landonorris replied to your story

is that the link for the tiktok?

YEAH!! we sent it to him and he was scrambling to park the car

wow, and he expects us to believe that he's okay walking away from that

exactlyyyy!! look at him now, a simp i tell you

carlossainz55 requested to follow you

yourusername accepted your follow request

[marlenesluv]

ello bby i was wondering if u could do a smau of oscar piastri x gf (@jazmynmakenna) and shes OBSESSED with the lego movie and lego ninjago (theyre straight up the funniest movies ive ever seen)

Legos and Laps. (OP)

hi lovee!! and omg yes, i love lego everything, so this was so fun to make. i hope you like it! (i need to watch lego ninjago!) also the title is supposed to be like, cute, but it’s not, but pretend it is, guys!

fc: jazmynmakenna

pairing: oscar piastri x fem!reader

warnings: slight suggestive pics i guess

masterlist here -> masterlist link

^ check my list for all posts! ^

liked by: oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 95,018 others

y/n.user: get you a bf who takes your love for legos seriously🧡

view comments…

oscarpiastri: i love you and your lego obsession❤️

↳ y/n.user: i love youuuuu❤️

user2: ✍️get a bf who will support my obsessions✍️

piasstrifppp: you guys are genuinely the cutest ever wtf

landonorris: the lego obsession is out of this world

↳ oscarpiastri: so what?

↳ landonorris: 🙄

mclareneditss: AWWWW that’s way too cute

user7: the way he is happy to pay all the money to get her lego sets and make experiences for them to watch the movies 🥹

mclaren: hey, y/n!! are you fairy batman or regular batman? we could see oscar being either!

↳ y/n.user: hi! i’m regular batman, oscar’s is the fairy

↳ oscarpiastri: no its not. yours is the fairy😐

user4: LMAOOOO MCLAREN ADMIN STIRRING THE POT

f1wags: lego loving wag💗

carmenmmundt: the way you match regular batman🖤

↳ y/n.user: this is why i chose regular batman! oscar is just fairy batman coded

↳ carmenmmundt: fr!!!!

↳ oscarpiastri: @georgerussell63 make your gf stop making fun of me

↳ georgerussell63: no thank you. besides, your gf is doing it too

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: y/n.user, landonorris, and 205,148

oscarpiastri: she’s the nya to my jay❤️‍🔥

view comments…

y/n.user: 😭i’m😭not😭crying😭you😭are😭

↳ oscarpiastri: don’t cry🧻

↳ landonorris: toilet paper?

↳ oscarpiastri: they don’t have a tissue box??

↳ y/n.user: i’ll take the toilet paper

f1updates: WOW hearts = melted. me = single = sad

op81fp: the way the first pic of them matches jay and nya in the second

vroomedits3: they are sooo jay and nya coded

user3: the pic of y/n in her cowboys boots? LOL

↳ f1fp777: i think it’s from austin lolol

logansargeant: best f1 grid couple 😝

↳ y/n.user: thanks logan 😝

↳ logansargeant: you’re welcome 😝

user6: i love how y/n is j friends with half the grid now bc of oscar

↳ opy/n81: y/n met logan before f1! and she met a few other before oscar was in f1 when he was with alpine lol. but they are so cute

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: oscarpiastri, logansargeant, and 97,138 others

y/n.user: the middle pic is me and oscar if you even care

view comments…

oscarpiastri: it literally is

*liked by creator*

f1wags: y/n 🤝 lego franchise references

charlottesine: you guys are so cute, miss you!💗

↳ y/n.user: ty cha☹️🩷i miss you too!

logansargeant: im lego batman, if you even care

↳ oscarpiastri: right

user8: im never gonna get over how they are literally soulmates

lilymhe: y/n x lego collab when?

↳ y/n.user: 😫😫 literally

papayafampics: our papaya parents are top tier

mclaren: favorites!!🧡

y/nfp1: motherrrrrr

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

your instagram story:

seen by: oscarpiastri, charlottesine, and 73,230 others

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 95,240 others

y/n.user: australian gp dump🇦🇺❤️

view comments…

oscarpiastri: i kinda look like that lego guy….

↳ y/n.user: EMMET

↳ oscarpiastri: sorry, i kinda look like emmet

↳ y/n.user: yeah

f1wags: THE FOURTH PIC😭☹️🥹

prattprattpratt: emmet!

↳ y/n.user: omg chris!!!!

charlottesine: cuteeee🔥💗

*liked by creator*

user4: our lego obsessed queen!!!!!!!!!!

op81editsss: i live for oscar and emmet looking like twins here

y/nsfp1og: naturally a stunner

legoquotes: our fav lego lover😋

logansargeant: not sure why i’m not in this dump but okay

↳ y/n.user: quit whining i’ll post you later, drama queen

↳ logansargeant: exCUSE ME

↳ landonorris: you’re excused….brah

↳ logansargeant: i’m not your “brah”

↳ oscarpiastri: iconic!

user8: is the second pic you or oscar? cuz it could rly be either

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: y/n.user, charles_leclerc, and 211,294 others

oscarpiastri: australian gp, legos, and … that’s it!

view comments…

y/n.user: 😳😳

↳ oscarpiastri: oooopppsssieee

papaya481edits: oh my gosshhhhhh

opy/n8: logan got his pic!

user3: HELLO?????? you can’t just show us two cute and innocent pics and then the THIRD ONE

f1wags: y/n’s lucky fr

logansargeant: i got posted….but with this selection?

↳ oscarpiastri: he grateful

ln4quadedit: okkkkk we see you oscar. shy driver is getting a little bold lately

f1editpage: i cant unsee that (i don’t want to tho)

user9: OH MAN

landonorris: im sure mclaren will LOVE that you posted that on your main instagram, you muppet

↳ oscarpiastri: idc

↳ landonorris: 🙄wtv

mclarenposts: sassy teammates

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

your instagram story:

seen by: oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 79,164 others

oscars instagram story:

seen by: y/n.user, logansargeant, and 200,923 others

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

(reposts, comments, and likes are appreciated!^-^)

[fatuismooches]

fabulam diu oblitus - sequel.

synopsis: The tale of the raven and the sparrow has ended, but that doesn't mean it can't start again.

includes: dottore w/ gn! reader

notes: This is the fifth and final part of this fic, please read the other four before this! This is a fluffier continuation of the last part in order to soothe your hearts from the last part. Thank you to each and every one of you who supported me with this fic, it was a wonderful experience and I hope you all enjoyed it! Now, let's wrap up the tale of the raven and sparrow once and for all. (Also, I realize that this part may seem a bit reader-centric, but I hope it's still good!)

prelude. first interlude. second interlude. postlude. sequel.

It had been years since the Traveler had attended their first Akademiya Extravaganza. It was a marvelous experience. It had also been years since the old sages were overthrown, the Balladeer’s attempt to become a God, and of course, the deletion of the Doctor’s segments as well as the death of the Omega build.

But why was the Traveler still in Teyvat? Since they still had yet to find their treasured sibling, their journey persisted. And so they and their traveling companion had found themselves back in Sumeru for another fun festival. Paimon had already had her fill of games and yummy food, so now they were going to see a performance, by the one and only Nilou. Their friend often danced, but today would be a special one since it was during the festival.

“Oh wow! Zubayr Theater is so much more lively than usual!” Paimon exclaimed. Indeed, there was a large crowd gathered below the stage, all of them excited to watch the dancer’s performance. But there was one person who caught Paimon’s eye. Someone was sitting by themselves, away from the crowd.

“Huh? Look over there, someone is sitting all alone. Do you think they’re okay?”

“Paimon, just because someone is by themselves doesn’t mean they’re in trouble. Maybe they don’t like being around large groups of people.”

“Oh… Paimon knows that! But maybe we should check on them, just in case. We still have some time before Nilou’s performance.” The Traveler gave in to their friend’s request and the pair made their way over to you. But you were too lost in your thoughts to notice them coming.

Your illness still remained, but with all the years that had passed by, at least it wasn’t as bad as it was before. It didn’t totally dominate your life, and you were able to do some things by yourself that you couldn’t do before! It wasn’t a cure, but it was something. Though of course there were bad days, the good days were the ones you focused on more. Good days such as today.

You were back in Sumeru after hundreds of years. You never thought it would happen but, one day your husband came to you and told you the news so casually, you thought you were dreaming. You? Leaving Snezhnaya? It felt unreal! If you were stronger, you would have tackled him to the floor with your love, but alas you had to settle for squeezing him as hard as you could. 

Though, to be honest, you weren’t sure if the Fatui actually had business there, or if he wanted to bring you there since you’d been longing for it for so long. (But it seemed unlikely that Pierro would give him vacation days…) Regardless, your joy was received by him adequately as you peppered his face with kisses.

So now you were here, in your home country. Of course, there were numerous top-tier Fatui agents assigned to you in disguise, always trailing behind with great skill, since Dottore was never going to let you be by yourself. But you didn’t really mind. The past few days had been the most fun you’d had in so long! (If only Dottore could join you. Obviously, he couldn’t in broad daylight… not to mention whatever duties he had.)

As you remember it, each Darshan had set up booths for the Wisdom Gala with a ton of interesting mini-games and other stuff. Though the concept was the same, you were once again realizing how things had changed over the centuries you were asleep… these games were truly novel! You were impressed at the creativity because it was nothing like this when you were a student!

One that was funny was when you were given a mallet… yes a mallet, to hit these little wooden fungi that kept popping up and down in different spots. You were given a question and each of the fungi had a different answer. You had to whack the one with the right answer. Now, figuring out the answer wasn’t the question, but rather hitting them. With your illness, lugging this thing quickly enough to smack them was not an easy task… but it was fun! Hehe, you knew Zandy would have whacked all of them anyway. Ugh, you were really feeling robbed now… the best things always happen in school after you already left.

Though your favorite game was the gear puzzles. You were given multiple gears of different sizes and had to insert them to make all of them eventually turn. You ended up finishing them at record speed, causing a whole swarm of Kshahrewar students around you, begging you to join their Darshan. It was a good thing one of your agents caused a distraction elsewhere for you to swiftly escape… Hmm, maybe you should ask Dottore to make these for you, so you could occupy your mind.

Ahh, not to mention the food… the delicious, authentic Sumerian cuisine that you missed so much. Although some things had naturally changed over four hundred years, it was as yummy as you remembered it. You always packaged some so you could share with Dottore (especially the sweets.) At the end of the day, or when you were tired, you were always escorted back to him. The location was secluded of course, for privacy and safety reasons. Your husband would listen to you ramble about quite literally everything, as you explored Sumeru City thoroughly, not just the festival. Even though he already knew everything you spoke about, he liked seeing your curiosity be indulged in.

But today was different. Today you decided to witness the performances going on in the theater. You had always liked watching them (Columbina often invited you to them) in Snezhnaya, so now you wanted to see what Sumeru had to offer. Four hundred years ago, the Akademiya looked down and shamed the arts far more than they do today. Non-academic writing, drawing, sculpting, acting, singing, dancing, you name it. There was no such thing as the Grand Bazaar or Zubayr Theater. Though you didn’t live here anymore, you were very pleased to see how much the arts were appreciated now, as they should be. Especially that red-haired girl, her dancing was awe-inspiring. You had seen her practice before the performance for a few days, and it was beautiful! If only things were like this when you were a student here…

“Hello there! You’re sitting all the way over here by yourself, are you okay?” A squeaky voice interrupted your reminiscing and you turned to see who it was.

The Traveler and Paimon… It seemed that you were blankly staring at them for too long because the floating one spoke again.

“Um… are you okay?” 

“Oh! I’m fine, sorry, sorry, I just spaced out for a second there,” you apologetically waved them off. This was going to be a bit annoying.

A while ago, you had decided to let go. Let go of the pain, of any possible thoughts of revenge, of the sheer grief you suffered from your loss. Because continuing to work yourself up like that would only worsen your illness and mental state. For the most part, you’d been successful, living each day as best you could along with your husband. You still thought about the segments though, always thankful for what they did for you.

But now that the Traveler stood in front of you in flesh and blood, your composure wavered a little. This was the same person who killed Omega. You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of hatred, but you relaxed with a deep breath.

“That’s okay! Well, Paimon is Paimon, and this here is the Traveler. We saw you here by yourself and just wanted to see if you were alright!” The blonde nodded in affirmation.

“Ah, I see. There’s no need to worry about me. My body can’t handle standing for so long, so it’s better for me to sit, even if I’m a bit far away from the stage.” There was no harm in telling them right off the bat because you had a feeling that Paimon’s line of questioning would make you reveal your illness anyway. She talked a lot, according to your fellow Fatuis.

“Huh? Are you injured?”

“No, it’s just my illness. My body struggles to do many things a healthy person would, so I need to be careful.” The pair nodded at you in sympathy.

“Oh… Paimon is sorry about that. That sounds really tough…” 

“It’s alright. It’s been like this for many years, so I’ve grown accustomed to it.” The fairy placed her hand on her chest in understanding before she brightened.

“Ah, Paimon has a good idea! Why don’t we keep you company during the performance? You know, we’ve been here loads of times and are even friends with Nilou! We can definitely tell you some cool things!”

“Oh, that sounds… nice.” You smiled at them, not because you liked them, but more because you were interested in their stories about this place. Paimon cheered and the Traveler took a seat near you. It made your skin crawl a bit, but you didn’t show any outward reaction.

“Say, Paimon never asked your name.”

“You can call me [Name].” The only person who knew you in this country was the Dendro Archon, and you doubted they would tell her about you, so there was no point in using another name. Also that was too much work.

“So [Name], is this your first time in Sumeru? We can show you all the best restaurants if you need it!” Ah, so the agents were also accurate when they said she liked food a lot. And the fact the Traveler was silent most of the time.

“No, I used to live here. But, I moved away a long time ago, so this is my first time back in many years.”

“That sounds nice. It must feel good to be back, huh? It’s too bad the Interdarshan Championship isn’t taking place this year. That would have been lots of fun!” Paimon sighed, memories of the last one flowing through her mind. Ah yes, you remember that as well. You and Zandik were never chosen as nominees of course… but it was a fun event to observe. For you at least. Zandik would always go on about how foolish the competitors were, how they couldn’t see how simple the seemingly difficult challenge was. You always laughed at his criticism.

“Mhm, it’s too bad. Maybe I can come back another time to see that.”

“Yeah, you definitely should! Speaking of, did you come here with anyone?”

“Yes, my husband accompanied me here. But he’s working right now, so I’m by myself.”

“Aww, that’s too bad. It must be lonely to enjoy a festival by yourself, huh?”

“Perhaps a little bit, but I do not mind. He’s taken care of me for countless years along with his work duties, it’s more than enough for me to even have the opportunity to experience this festival.”

“Wow, you two really do sound like a loving couple!”

“Hehe, yes… yes, we are,” you had started to smile loopily at the thought of Dottore and ignored the look the Traveler and Paimon gave you. But your attention returned when the stage lights flickered on and the crowd started to simmer down.

“Looks like the performance is starting! Oh, Paimon can’t wait to see what Nilou has in store this time!” You were excited to see it as well.

—

The performances were delightful. The play was well-acted and interesting, and the red-haired girl��s dance at the end was beautiful. Huh… you wish they had more festivals like this in Snezhnaya. Or maybe they did, and you didn’t know about them. You’d have to ask Bina about that when you return.

“That was so, so touching,” Paimon sniffed as the Traveler comforted their friend. You couldn’t help but agree as well. “We have to go say hi to Nilou now!” The Traveler and Paimon rose as you watched them.

“Just stay here [Name], we’ll be back in a few minutes!” You smiled at them as they went off to greet their friend before you quickly dropped your expression. Stay? With them? Nah, you had enough for today. You wanted to go back to Dottore now and bother him to let you cuddle him on his lap. So when they weren’t looking, you slipped out of the theater, and your bodyguards slyly followed, attracting the attention of no one.

Ah, you had a lot of things to say to Dottore now, didn’t you…

—

“Huh? Where did [Name] go?” When the pair returned, you were gone.

“They must have left. I bet it’s because you were asking them so many questions, Paimon,” the Traveler teased her.

“Hey! Paimon was being friendly and they didn’t seem to mind! Anyway, let’s go outside. It’s only been a few minutes, maybe they’re still around.” The pair exited and walked around the city for a bit, but you had already disappeared into thin air.

“Traveler, Paimon! It’s nice to see you again!” A gentle voice called out to them. It was Nahida, who walked up to them with a bright smile on her face. The other two responded in kind.

“Oh, hey Nahida! Long time no see, huh?”

“Yes, it’s been quite a while. You must come over for a bit and tell me about your travels sometime. I guess you’ve been enjoying the Akademiya Extravaganza, right?”

“Yup! Traveler and Paimon enjoyed a lot of fun games and delicious food! And then we went to see some performances at the theater, and now we were looking for someone, but eh, it’s not really important anymore.”

“Hmm? Looking for who?”

“Just someone we met a few hours ago at the theater. Their name is [Name].” The Dendro Archon’s eyes widened at the mention of your name, immediately straightening up.

“[Name]? Did you say [Name]?” The Traveler and Paimon noticed the God’s surprised expression and inquired about it.

“Yeah, do you know them, Nahida?”

“I… I can’t believe it. Do they happen to look like…” Nahida then went off to give a brief description of you, and the Traveler confirmed that you indeed matched her words. Paimon was a bit worried.

“Nahida, why are you asking us this? You’re making it seem like we were talking to a long-lost criminal or something.”

“Well, I suppose that wouldn’t be too far off. This [Name] that you’ve met is… part of the Fatui. But that’s not the big part. They’re the Doctor’s lover.” It was silent for a few seconds before Paimon responded, nearly yelling as the Traveler’s jaw dropped.

“The man [Name] is married to is THE DOCTOR?!”

“Oh, so they’re married now? Last time I heard they weren’t.”

“Nahida, surely you must be mistaken, right? You’re far too casual about this, no one could be dating the Doctor of their own free will!” Nahida was about to respond when yet another voice interrupted.

“She’s not lying.” A familiar voice echoed from somewhere and the group turned to face it. It was the former Sixth Harbinger, standing to the side, braced against the wall. “That [Name] is indeed the partner of Dottore. I met them while I was in the Fatui.”

“Ahh… Paimon’s head hurts…” The Traveler nodded in agreement as they too rubbed their head at this revelation. “But why? Why would they want to be with the Doctor?”

“It’s futile to ask me about their relationship,” the puppet scoffed. “I cannot begin to comprehend how the two of them supposedly love each other. I’ve spoken to them a few times…” the puppet thought back to those encounters in the lab, “but our conversations did little to enlighten me on the nature of their relationship.”

“[Name] and Dottore have a long history together. It’s… complicated, but I’m not lying when I say they’ve been together for centuries. But what concerns me is that if [Name] is here, then the Doctor must be close by as well… and the Fatui too… He wouldn’t let them roam around all by themselves.”

“Oh no! That’s right, [Name] said that their husband accompanied them here. So that means the Doctor is in Sumeru!”

“I see… the Matra would have noticed if a boat of Fatui arrived at the port… so that means the other agents must be well disguised. But nothing has happened lately. Sumeru has been at peace like usual, there’s nothing that the Fatui have been digging their nose into recently. I wonder…” the God of Wisdom began to mumble to herself while Wanderer merely looked on.

“Paimon would have never guessed they were in the Fatui… do you think they were lying about their illness too?”

“No, they are indeed afflicted with a mysterious illness. From what I know, [Name] used to be quite a formidable force four hundred years ago. But their illness gradually sapped their strength away from them, leaving them as they are now… so they have virtually no physical prowess anymore.”

“Oh… that’s quite sad. Wait, but that doesn’t change the fact they’re part of the Fatui, with the Doctor no less! They’re our enemy, no doubt!”

“That’s not to mean [Name] is weak. Although their mind has certainly been ravaged by many things, they possess a strong will. Not to mention, they are the one and only Doctor’s close confidant. I’m sure if pressed, they have some tricks up their sleeves.”

“We have to do something! The Fatui are always up to no good, I bet they have some horrible, evil plan to… to… ruin the Akademiya Extravaganza! We can’t let them do that!” Paimon exclaimed while the Traveler nodded in complete agreement. “Nahida, what’s the plan?”

“The plan is to let them be.”

“H-Huh? Nahida, you’re just going to let them go?”

“That’s correct, Paimon.”

“Lesser Lord Kusanali, are you sure?” Even Wanderer, who usually went along with the God albeit with some moaning and groaning, had an objection.

“The festival has been going on for several days now, and tomorrow is the last day. If the Fatui truly were planning something, it would have been done by now. And to be honest, I suspect that the only reason the Doctor made the trip here was for…” You, Nahida wanted to say, but then decided against it. She wasn’t one hundred percent sure, after all. “Actually, never mind. Don’t worry about it, Traveler, Paimon. But if you happen to see them tomorrow, you could speak to them again. I am admittedly… interested in [Name].”

“Well… alright Nahida. We trust you.”

—

While the group was busy chatting about you, you were making your way back to Dottore. It was already evening, and all you wanted to do was relax in the embrace of your beloved. However today, the Fatui agents were escorting somewhere else rather than your temporary home. Where? The more you walked, the quicker you realized.

The large Ruin Golem in the mountains of Sumeru’s forest.

Seeing it from a distance brought back fond memories for you. You remember the first time you and Zandik entered it. He was incredibly fascinated with it and literally spent hours in it. Of course, you were forced to stay with him and help him with all the research and note-taking. But looking back, it was fun. And you may or may not have kissed him a lot in there, and he was very annoyed at you breaking his focus, but did nothing to stop you.

This same spot, near the Ruin Golem, was also a frequent star-gazing spot. Because he would spend so long there, even until night fell, and you kept insisting it’d be romantic to watch the stars here. He didn’t really agree but… Zandik surprisingly indulged you more than you realized.

Soon, you were much closer to the Ruin Golem and Dottore was in sight, waiting for you. The Fatui agents bowed to you as you dismissed them and made your way over to your husband, who was patiently waiting for you while gazing at the large robot in front of him. You wondered if he had finished his work, for him to be wasting time like this.

(In reality, there was no real mission in Sumeru. The five-day long trip was done to indulge your long-time wishes. Pierro had only let Dottore go on it if he managed to finish at least three-quarters of his paperwork before the trip, and the other quarter during it. So needless to say, Dottore had worked quite hard to acquire this time off, but you didn’t need to know that because then you would feel absolutely terrible and he’d have to deal with your countless apologies.)

“[Name],” he greeted you.

“Zandik!” You immediately hugged him to which he reciprocated and patted your head. “I missed you! Oh, I have so much to tell you. You wouldn’t believe what happened. I met the-”

“Traveler,” Dottore interrupted.

“You know already?”

“Of course. I was notified the moment it happened.”

“Oh.” Well, now that you think about it, that made sense. Of course, Dottore would be aware of everything that happened to you… you were alone, but in a way you weren’t. He still had that overprotective and possessive streak, and rightfully so. He chuckled at your reaction.

“But, I believe your point of view will be far more eye-opening. So please, do tell.” You brightened and immediately began prattling about everything, not before you two laid down on the grass and got comfortable, the same as you did four hundred years ago. Though Dottore wasn’t particularly worried about the Traveler doing anything to you, no, of course, he had planned for this possibility (unlike you) and already had measures in place just in case anything happened. 

So the conversation began to move onto softer things. Like you bringing up old memories every five seconds. For example, you two also used to come here frequently to investigate the forest for classes. Zandik usually found these ones boring and was much more interested in Ruin Machines, so you often sped through these boring expeditions in record time so he could do more “fun” things.

“Perhaps we should do that again.”

“Do what? Investigate the biodiversity of Sumeru’s forest?”

“Correct.” You laughed at his words but Dottore looked rather serious about it.

“Isn’t the sun going to set soon? And I thought you weren’t interested in that stuff anymore.” 

You were surprised he was doing this, but Dottore had already risen to his feet and stuck out his hand to you expectantly.

“No matter. We can still see, no? And I do believe it will be interesting to see how it has changed over four hundred years.” That was a lie. He didn’t actually care about the plants of the forest. He was only doing it because he knew it was something you would like. And he was right of course, for you smiled happily and took his hand, clasping it tightly.

“Alright then! I’ll lead the way, just like old times,” you puffed your chest out. “Just follow me, Zandik. And you’re taking notes this time! You don’t know what you put my hand through all those years ago!” Dottore only chuckled at your huffing. You were always on note duty because he kept breaking his pens and spilling ink everywhere, much to your dismay.

But regardless, you two spent an evening examining Sumeru’s fauna, the conversation turning surprisingly rather intellectual. But it soon turned quiet as you two ended the night off by gazing at the stars, just like old times. 

The stars may be a lie, but sometimes lies are still beautiful.

—

Today was the last day of the Akademiya Extravaganza, and you decided to spend the day enjoying the city one last time. You were set to leave with Dottore this afternoon, so you only had about half a day to do what you needed to do. You didn’t know when you’d be back again, so you wanted to imprint it into your mind, and maybe get a few souvenirs as well. It all went well, you did what you needed to do, bought what you wanted and passed it on to your agents to keep for you, and were actually about to head back to Dottore when you met some familiar faces.

The Traveler and Paimon… again. It seemed like the Gods really did hate you, huh? 

“Hey [Name]!” That familiar high-pitched voice waved to you and called out your name… ugh. Just as you were about to go, too. But you pretended otherwise.

“Hello Paimon, Traveler. It is good to see you again. I must apologize for leaving yesterday. I had… matters to attend to,” you apologized.

“Don’t worry about that! Paimon understands.” You smiled back in response and waited to see if the pair would say anything else, but they just… stood there for a few seconds and looked at you.

“Well, if that’s all…” You turned to leave, but Paimon blurted out a strained response unusually quickly.

“Wait! Paimon means, would you like to take a walk with us? Our conversation got cut short yesterday, it would be nice to talk a bit more.” You squinted a bit at Paimon’s expression. It seemed a bit… off. Regardless, you did have some more time to kill, and perhaps they would tell you something of amusement you could relay back to Dottore. So it wasn’t too bad of a decision.

“Alright, that sounds fine,” you nodded in agreement. Paimon had to hold in her sigh of relief. And so the three of you began to walk, taking in the sights of the city. Paimon asked you some more questions, but she seemed a bit… nervous? You weren’t dumb, the more she talked the easier it was to notice. The Traveler was good at keeping a poker face, but Paimon on the other hand, was not. She was nervously looking back and forth between you and the blonde. Which could only mean one thing. 

They knew your real identity. 

Ah, so they found out. Huh. You weren’t expecting that, but you didn’t care much. They were bound to find out eventually, so long as they kept fighting the Fatui. You didn’t know if they were going to confront you right now or not, but you weren’t going to wait around for it. You knew your Fatui bodyguards were close by somewhere, but you didn’t want them to get hurt by the Traveler, so you stretched your arms out, a signal for them to back away a bit. Because you already had a defense mechanism readied that you didn’t want to affect them. Courtesy of Dottore, of course.

So before Paimon could ask another question, you abruptly stopped. You two had exited the city, so there were no regular civilians around either.

“[Name], why did you-”

“There’s no need to pretend anymore. You know who I am, don’t you?” The looks on their faces gave it all away, and the Traveler instantly put up their guard, which you chuckled at.

“Now now, there’s no need to get all worked up. Surely the ever-righteous Traveler won’t hurt a poor, defenseless soul like me, right?” You simply smiled at them, and Paimon was immediately on the verbal defense.

“Hey! You’re in no position here to be saying stuff like that! The Traveler here has taken out countless Fatui, you’re no different,” the travel guide bluffed. She remembered Nahida’s instructions to let you be, but how could she let you talk to her like that?! “And, and,” she scratched her brain for another warning, “we’ll take you to the Matra for questioning!” Paimon blurted out her best threat, which you only laughed at.

“Oh no, I’m so scared…”

“Hey! We’re not joking! You’re connected with the Doctor, they’ll lock you up!”

“Mhm, you know all of that, don’t you? And yes, I’m well aware of your martial prowess,” you looked directly at the blonde. “The same hands killed Omega, didn’t they?” At the segment’s name, the Traveler stiffened. The look in your eyes wasn’t the same as it was before. It had a carefully veiled sense of loathing that had come up to the surface.

“You know, for years I wondered to myself, how did Omega look like in his last moments? What did he think of? What did he do?” Your voice gradually became a soft whisper. “These questions used to drive me mad, but I don’t think I want to know the answer anymore.” The two were shocked at the clear love and longing you had in your voice for the deceased segment. It wasn’t fake at all.

“But why? Why would you willingly be with someone like the Doctor?” Earlier that day, the Traveler and Paimon had decided to scout Sumeru again in hopes of finding notes that you left behind, and after careful exploration once again, they did. Your notes, however, always had careful logical additions left by Zandik. And then, in response… you’d flirt with him on the note, to which the scholar never responded. The pair didn’t know what to feel or say to that.

“Ah, there it is. The same question I receive every time. But it’s okay. I can understand your confusion. Though if I were to stand here and tell you every reason why, it would make you only more confused. So let me answer your question with the simplest answer of them all. I love Dottore. Dottore loves me. That is the foundation of our relationship.” Unfortunately, that answer seemed to only make the two more confused. 

“… It seems that you still do not understand. But that’s okay. It’s not like it matters anyway,” you supposed they were unconvinced a man such as Dottore could love, but you weren’t here to convince them of that. So then you turned to leave before Paimon spoke again.

“Where do you think you’re going? You are coming with Traveler and Paimon!” You let out a sigh at this creature’s persistence. Looks like you’d have to do something.

“You know, I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to use this,” you mumbled under your breath before you retrieved a pill from your pocket and swallowed it, although it was a different color from your regular ones. The Traveler continued to watch on carefully, ready to summon their sword at any second.

“Hmph! Any last words?” Paimon put her hands on her hips as she stared at you. You thoughtfully looked up and began to think, before you came up with something. You despised the Traveler, but a question couldn’t help but linger in your chest. And hey, they’ve helped Childe and Arlecchino in the past, despite nearly being killed by them, right? And that Electro God too. You didn’t know if they were stupid or just too nice. It was worth a shot. And, you didn’t care if you were selfish or not. You were tired of being nice.

“Traveler… may I ask you a favor?”

The Traveler raised their eyebrow, partially offended and shocked you would ever ask them that considering the antagonistic stance you took. That was the last thing they expected, but you took their silence as an opportunity to continue.

“You hop to different worlds, don’t you? Different universes?” The Traveler nodded, unsure of where you were going with this. Your gaze flickered to the floor, eyebrows furrowing before you made up your mind.

“Then, when you leave Teyvat, could you… look for me?” Out of everything that could have come out of your mouth, the Traveler could not have expected that.

“I want to know… I just want to know if there exists a world, where none of this happened. Where I was never sick, where he didn’t have to do all of this to find a cure. I want to know if there’s a world where everything is okay for us.” Your eyes fluttered shut as you spoke, loads of memories flashing through your head about everything you’ve gone through. The Traveler and Paimon remained speechless because they truly did not know what to say, before you cringed at yourself for saying something so stupid.

“Ah, what am I saying? I know you have no sympathy for us, it was dumb to ask,” you waved it off. “Forget it. But I’m afraid I’ve wasted too much time here with you. I have things to attend to.” At that moment, you reached into your pocket and produced a strange device, and before the Traveler could summon their sword, an irregular, headache-inducing sound echoed throughout the area. Instantly, the Traveler knew it was the same sound device Omega had used to put them to sleep all those years ago. But it was too late, as their mind became foggy and their knees buckled to the floor.

“To think that you fell for the same thing twice… that’s kind of embarrassing for you, mighty Traveler,” your laugh was the last thing they heard before they fell into a dream. “It’s a good thing Dottore told me to carry this thing… and made a pill so the effects wouldn’t work on me. Well, bye now.”

—

After rendering those two unconscious, you made your way to the boat you and Dottore were going to leave in. Your agents had caught back up to you and you swore you heard them mumbling about how “cool” you were. It was cute.

You saw your husband standing leisurely on the boat. You guess he had no reason to disguise himself considering he was already about to leave. You immediately smiled and climbed onto the boat with his help.

“I guess you were immediately notified of what happened, weren’t you?” You teased. 

“Of course,” he went along with your tone. “I am always aware of what hindrances may plague my spouse.” You hummed in acknowledgment as you watched the Fatui prepare to set off.

“You know, this whole trip, I’ve been thinking something stupid.”

“No thought from you could be stupid. Do tell.”

“I’ve been thinking… that I love you so much that it may begin to physically hurt me when you’re not around.” Dottore seemed amused.

“Is that so?”

“Yes, really! All those times when you left me alone in the lab, I swear I started developing some side effects!” You pouted as Dottore found himself laughing at your pain.

“Well, not to worry. I am a doctor, after all, I know very well how to treat this ailment.” Dottore ran his fingers up and down your neck, leaving behind a tingling sensation.

“Oh, do you? Well, go ahead, doctor. Make me feel better.”

“I would be delighted to but, the treatment is a little… hands-on,” his deep voice made your heart race with excitement.

“Aren’t you the one who always gets mad at me for trying to skip my medicine? I see no reason to hesitate.” You smiled boldly.

“As you wish. But don’t say I didn’t warn you…” Dottore then pressed you against the railing of the boat, holding you down so you wouldn’t tip over, and then began to lean into your lips.

(The Fatui agents kept their heads turned the whole time.)

—

That had happened years before the Traveler defeated the Doctor, and consequently killed you in the process. Sometimes they wonder if things could have turned out differently. Especially since some of the other Harbingers were certainly not pleased with them when they finally fought, namely the Third, but she too eventually met her demise. But what’s done is done.

The Traveler thought that would be the last they ever saw of you and the Doctor, but they were wrong. As one would expect, Dottore was connected with many of the events in Teyvat, and so he popped up here and there again throughout the rest of the Traveler’s journey.

But one thing they did not expect was to see you and Dottore again. Where? The Ley Lines had somehow shown them people from the past, as they once did with the Shogun. 

It was… strange. Strange to see the two of you just be normal. Normal people, normal students before it all changed. You, a stark contrast to the person they saw before - energetic, bubbly, handling your weapon with ease as you protected Zandik from any possible danger. Zandik, a lot more grouchy and less suave, morally ambiguous but not quite evil yet. Two people who were alone and found company in each other’s likeness. It created a sort of… understanding for the Traveler. Not forgiveness. Understanding.

So when they finally left Teyvat, they decided to fulfill that favor you had asked them. To find you in another universe. It was also to satisfy a sort of curiosity they had themselves. Would you two truly be happy in another world? They would find out as long as they continued to journey with their sibling. So they traveled and traveled and met many new people, and went on many new adventures, your request lingering in the back of their mind every time they visited a new planet.

Admittedly, it was actually kind of… sad to see your fates in the other universes. In many universes, you died, or he died, leaving the other all alone unable to come to terms with their fate. In some universes, you were ill again. You did not survive. In others the relationship did not last, breaking it off due to numerous reasons out of your or Zandik’s control. And maybe the worst fate of them all… you two never crossed paths. Never able to give the other a chance at love.

If the Traveler had a Mora for every time fate divided you two, they might be as rich as Pantalone. They wondered if your request would ever be finished. So when the Traveler entered the next universe, they weren’t expecting much. 

This world was a bit different from the others. It had no supernatural powers, but it had great technology. Things like “internet” and “phones” and “computers.” But they had gotten accustomed to it quickly, as they always had. Right now they were at an outdoor cafe, waiting for their sibling when they heard a familiar voice.

“Ugh, I swear, as soon as the term ends, I will be running to give that guy a scalding rating!” The voice spoke with annoyance and a slam followed soon after, presumably textbooks dumped onto the table. This cafe was frequented by students, so this was no surprise for the Traveler. Cheap, yummy, and a good study spot is what they heard from passersby. 

“I told you not to take him,” another grouchy voice replied. “You brought this on yourself.”

“You know that he was my only option! I literally got the last seat in the class,” you whined back, the chairs dragging across the concrete. “Besides, I don’t want to hear that from you when you complain about your professors every single day, Zandik.” That name nearly made the Traveler choke on their drink.

Zandik? Did they hear that right…? They turned around, hoping not to arouse attention, and then their eyes widened as they looked at the pair that just arrived.

They were the spitting image of the [Name] and Dottore from Teyvat, although these people were dressed in different clothes that were normal for this planet. There were a few minor differences that the Traveler only recognized because they were familiar with Teyvat’s version of you, but there was no doubt about it.

These two people were this planet’s version of you and Dottore. But the question was, were you two happy together? The Traveler needed to find out, and this position wasn’t good for spying so they moved to another inconspicuous location.

Zandik only rolled his eyes at your defiant quip before opening his heavy textbook, which you soon followed suit. The friendly banter between the two of you flowed naturally. When the food came, you tried feeding him the piece of cake which Zandik tried shooing your hand away, but had to give in after a while with slightly red cheeks. Your hands occasionally brushed against each other, but neither of you pulled away. Interesting, very interesting. Could this be the universe…?

After you two left the cafe, the Traveler decided to follow. This was probably a bit stalkerish, but they just needed to confirm. (Good thing they had skill in this area.) 

In the busy public streets, your shoulders only brushed, but when it became more deserted, you reached out to hold hands with Zandik. He huffed and mumbled something to you, which the blonde could not hear, though you only responded with a laugh as you squeezed his hand tighter. But then your attention was diverted by something else.

“Oh, look there Zandik! Do you see that?” You whisper-yelled, drawing his attention to a tree branch. “It’s a raven and a sparrow! Together! The thing is on top of the other’s head!” You couldn’t contain your amusement. “Isn’t that really strange? Don’t ravens eat sparrows sometimes?”

“Yes, and the sparrow must be rather stupid for allowing itself to get so close to something that can kill it,” Zandik said bluntly.

“That’s not nice,” you poked him for that comment. “Just because they’re different doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. Just like us, Zandik!”

“The world is not that nice, [Name],” he sighed, your optimism causing him great headaches sometimes.

“Yeah, I know thatttt~. But you never know! Hehe, you know, this reminds me of the time a few months back when a butterfly landed on your nose. You looked so cute! Ah, I’m so glad I got a picture.” Zandik immediately scowled, because you set the bloody thing as your wallpaper, so anyone who looked at your phone’s home screen could see the embarrassing moment. Ajax and his wretched finance and theater friends did not let him hear the end of it. Your boyfriend then started walking much faster, dragging you along as you yelped at the increased speed.

“Stop babbling and hurry up, otherwise I’ll leave you behind.”

“Okay, okay! Just slow down!!”

Soon, the two of you reached your newly rented apartment. Both of you had only recently moved out of the dorms, but it had been a lot of fun decorating and growing accustomed to this new life. The Traveler watched as you disappeared into the building, and then noticed your figure again through a window near the upper level. You were cradling an animal, a cat actually, and kissed it gently. Zandik then made his way over, uncharacteristically scratching its chin as well, before saying something to you. (Perhaps scolding you for giving your pet too much attention. A very Zandik way of saying he himself wanted more attention too.) You only shook your head with mirth before pressing a kiss to your lover’s lips, and the two of you moved away from the window, now out of sight.

Well, the Traveler’s job was done now. You and Zandik were happy. Maybe not in Teyvat, maybe not in any other world but… you two were happy in this one. And that was all you wished for.

[Name] and Zandik were happy.

And that’s the perfect ending for a fairy tale, right?

[gassyandnasty]

The Jock Formula

Andrew was a nerd with all the stereotypes: glasses, slicked back hair, and looked like his mother dressed him everyday. He wanted to change but his arms were to frail to heavy lift, and his chicken legs barely supported his weight.

His friends shared the same problem, since they were the only guys Andrew could hang out. The jocks, popular girls, even the 'woke' group ignored them, they were sick and tired that the high grades and even helping people with exams wasn't paying off.

"What I like to call the "Jock Formula" is ready. I had to sneak into the locker room after P.E yesterday to collect the last ingredient: a drop of the nastiest sweat. I almost got beaten off by Josh, but I managed to collect one." Said George.

Andrew wasn't a top tier nerd cause George existed. Slicked back hair, glasses, braces, and his mother ACTUALLY dressed him. But Andrew was very interested in the topic this time.

"The only thing is that I didn't test yet" George states.

"We can clearly see." Jokes Andrew, getting some laugh by his other friends.

"Always making jokes, Andrew, but this time I think we can get some real results, the only thing is that this flasc contains the amount of ingredients needed only for one person. But its too risky." George says calculating.

"I see, well... you should stop with those experiments, I can only see that flasc giving you explosive diarrhea." Andrew states, getting more laugh.

"Give me some credit, Andrew, what if it works?" George ignores the joke and continues "This experiment could change lives."

"I believe in your potions, only that I don't want anyone turning into frogs. Leave that here so I can help you with the research, so that we don't leave any risk." Andrew says.

"You are right, two heads think better than one." George says, leaving the flasc with Andrew.

All came to plan. Andrew knew that George was brilliant enough to create something like that, but only for one person? He couldn't lose the chance, the ingredients were too hard to find, and what could ensure him that George would drink that first and leave them alone after? The first test should be him, and ignoring all risks, Andrew chugged it down with no remorse, nothing could be worse as being doomed as a whimp his whole life.

Indeed, that flasc got him feeling ill, and he passed out.

Waking up the next day, Andrew thought that all was a fevre dream, and felt guilty of ruining George's work by drinking it, but when he looked in the mirror, shock covered his face:

He got taller, stronger and manlier. Big biceps pumped as he flexed, his pectorals were now defined, his abs covered his ex-skinny tummy, followed by huge muscular thighs, and when he turned around: BAM! A toned and plump ass to go with it.

"Wow... it worked!" Andrew exclaimed and got surprised that even his voice was deeper now, he couldn't wait to get to the campus and show the results!

His clothes weren't fitting now, but all he needed was his pair of large blue shirts he had, that were not so large right now, since it outlined every curve of his legs now. Now that any shirt fit him, he decided to go without it, and display his huge pecs to everyone.

This time, everybody was looking at him, people that never glanced an eye before were now oogling at his muscles, and the first guys to greet him today were not his group of nerds, but the members of the manliest frat on the campus.

"Hey, dude, are you new here?" asked Josh, while Andre was too stunned to speak.

"Y-yeah...I" Andrew was about to answer when he was cut by George exclaming: "ANDREW?"

"Andrew? Why is that guy referring to you? Are you going to hang out with those losers?" Josh asks.

And something shifted on Andrew, now he had a reputation, the team's captain greeting him, chicks trying to sneak their numbers on his backpack. Josh was right, he couldn't hang out with those losers anymore.

"Who the hell is Andrew, whimp?" he asks with his now booming and intimidating voice.

George shakes and say "It worked, Andrew! Why don't you-"

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRPRRPRPRPPPPPPPP

As George was speaking, Andrew decided to cut him with a nasty and loud belch, it roared out of his mouth, right on George's face.

Josh and his friend high-fived Andrew, while George gagged with the manly smell.

"It's Drew now, loser" the new jock worked up a huge wad of spit and fired on George's face, while he looked up at him with betrayal on his eyes, almost crying.

"Nice, dude! You owned him" Josh says. "Don't you want to sign up to the frat?"

"Damn right" Drew said as his belly rumbled. "Wait, one more thing." He grabbed the back of George's head and shoved into his ass, he lifted one leg to put on a show, and managed to rip a loud and very deep fart on his face.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

That made everyone around laugh and clap to the new 'alpha' of the campus, as they left the nerd there gagging for fresh air.

[brianwashere]

hello!! saw your writing today in my tags and got interested, read some more and you seem really cool :D i got one fic stuck in my head though, the one you posted earlier today with the 7 foot spider reader! it was really cool but i kind of thought about a follow up (and I made sure to check your rules before this)

i was thinking, m/n is really big, intimidating and generally a badass- however. in bed (nsfw) he’s inexperienced, shy af, and ends up just being really submissive (you actually didn’t specify if you prefer dom or sub reader, i assumed you mind neither, but if u don’t feel comfortable with this then just ignore)

thank you, and keep up your great works so far :D

Anon, you’re officially my favorite fucking person ever. Oh my god. This req. warmed my heart. Idek what. It just did. Thank you for reading my other fics too. Wow. I’m reeling rn.

Also you didn’t specify who with so I just did HCs for Noir and Miguel

Pls req again soon! You’re so sweet

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from marvel or sony **

Summary: look at req

Tw: explicit activities ehehehehe, language

-Miguel-

The first time you two try anything he’s expecting you to be all dominant and get his ass blasted

Y’all two are making out and he’s ready to take it to the next level

And you’re nervous cause you know he’s expecting you to be this super experienced “knows how to make you scream immediately” kinda guy

The truth is you haven’t had much experience because while people may be into the whole “huge man” thing they’re too scared to actually come up to you and even have a conversation

And you’re also scared of hurting your partner

Just a mix of things that led you to little experience

It doesn’t take long for Miguel to figure it out

As soon as you glanced at his face nervously he knew something was up

At first Miguel is surprised bcc he would’ve expected men and women to practically be hanging from you

Once he recovers from the initial shock he’s down with topping and showing you the ropes

It’s a bit of a boost to his ego, not to mention a massive turn on for him

He never lets you shy away from him/cover your face. He loves seeing you. He knows he’s not stronger than you but he’ll still pull your hands away/pull you closer

But sometimes he does wanna be on bottom

Queue very erotic teaching sessions

When you do something he likes he’ll definitely over exaggerate so you’ll know

He also loves marking you up in more…intense ways because he knows it won’t really hurt you

Clawing your back. He’ll claw the SHIT out of your back.

Biting you too. Sometimes he just can’t help it

He finds out you have god tier stamina and impecable recovery time and will definitely use that to his advantage

*cough cough* Overstimulation and denial *cough cough*

He’s down to do whatever you’re comfortable with but sometimes he really needs some stress relief i.e. getting a blowjob or just fucking you senseless

He won’t admit it but he likes when he’s the little spoon after you two are done

~Noir~

You got nervous and told him the first make out session that you had practically no experience

He was a little taken aback, again, you’re so big and so hot how could people not be lining up for a piece of you

It makes him feel even more lucky to be with you though

“Oh…that’s ok, dear. We’ll take it slow, then.”

Then he finds out your submissive too and he’s pretty sure he has a heart attack

Now he was pretty vanilla at first but then he found the internet and stumbled upon some kinks and did some…research

Behind. He loves seeing your back muscles move and twist under him

He likes tying your wrists together with some of his webbing

It’s strong enough that it could actually hold you if you tried resisting, maybe not for very long, but it wouldn’t snap like thread at the slightest pressure

He loves praising you. Praise. All the time. Always praise. You could breathe and he’d be on his knees for you

Every time he does something new he asks if you’re ok with it

He’ll be gentle if that’s what you want but he figures out that’s usually not the case

Usually you want everything he’s got, as much as he’ll provide you

He does love soft romantic nights with you though

Where he gets to enjoy your large beautiful frame and your contrasting shyness

When he gets to slow down and drink in ALL of you

The noises you make, the small movements, your incoherent mumbling

He loves ALL of it

He’s so down bad for you not even a joke

A little guilty pleasure for him is kissing you senseless

He loves being the big spoon for you, even if it just feels like a backpack is attached to you

[dolliehina]

Oh wow fem twst is top tier

Whoever’s your fav character you should indulge on (and if you’ve already done them how about fem Riddle 🌹)

OMGGGG FEM RIDDLE (JOKES ON YOU, FEM RIDDLE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES)

♡ Reader is gn!, probably some mentions of girls with daddy issues, ONE SINGULAIR MENTION OF SMOKING AND PREMARITAL SEX♡

~°•♡•°~

*Ahem*

♡- If I'm being completely honest, I think dating fem Riddle would be so much worse than dating normal Riddle. She's much more brainwashed by Papa and is probably much for prone to fits or being spoiled. She's daddy's princess but with some emotional abuse sprinkled in. (Maybe more than a sprinkle)

♡- I think after she overblots, though, she's much better. She is much less emotional and calmer for sure (until she gets her period, have fun with that). But Fem Riddle is really trying to get better.. please be patient. She just wants love :(

♡- SMALL GF SMALL GF SMALL GF!!!

♡- Fem Riddle is very cute, like a baby rosebud or strawberry! If you call her by the name "My Rose" or "Darling," she just melts. A good way to calm her down actually is to just be affectionate. She melts and immediately just calms down. Also, FAVORITISM, obvious fucking FAVORITISM. If you're dating this ruling queen, she will absolutely have favoritism towards you. You broke a rule? She gives you a warning. You ate one of her tarts? That's fine, you're her darling. She was going to share with you anyway!! (If you listen carefully, you can hear Ace and Deuce screaming in the background with collars on-)

♡- Fem Riddle has never gone shopping before. Her dad would always buy things for her, including her clothes. If you take her on a shopping date, she'll be confused af. There's so much?? What rules apply here?? What can you touch??? HELP HER- But if you are patient enough to help her, she absolutely adores shopping dates or window shopping. Mostly prefers the bakery, but she will refuse if you offer because of Papa... (Buy her one as a surprise. She'll be sobbing and eat it in a heartbeat when you're not around.)

♡- She's a very feminine girlfriend, she's into roses, high heels, beautiful dresses. Makeup, however? Zero experience. If you aren't good at makeup either, then she'll just drop the subject all together and move on. However, if you're good? She'll definitely ask, but with a red flustered expression because baby is shy.

♡- If you can't handle the amount of feminine and woman she is when she IS in charge??? If you can't handle that level of girlboss?? Leave. FUCKING LEAVE. As I said, favoritism, but don't abuse that, if you do, she can tell. She's shy, not stupid. She is seen as little miss perfect, so if you are dating her, don't expect her to do anything rebellious like sneaking out, smoking, or having sex before marriage. She's probably insecure about being seen as boring because of it, but just reassure her, and she'll kiss you! ♡

♡- Overall?? 7/10 girlfriend. Perfect for any gender, so don't worry, boys or girls. But she has many issues to work through and is kind of like a baby, so needy, and she expects to be pampered a bit. But if you're fine with that?? Cool. She knows the basic etiquette to being a lovely girlfriend once the healing is over.

[oneatlatime]

The Headband

I don't care how dormant a volcano supposedly is. Living in the maw of one would absolutely freak me out.

Zuko out for his nightly constitutional lurking practice.

I want this snuggy cape.

No better disguise than a cloud 1.2 metres from the ground. That's where all clouds hand out. Cool puffins though.

Enemy puffins approve of new fluffy Sokka.

Did Sokka just dive headfirst into rock?

I do not like this angle. Looks like his head's on backwards.

This episode is three minutes in and already I'm loving the comic tone.

Wow Katara, with the enthusiasm you're showing for stealing those clothes, they must belong to pirates.

These are some top tier nonsense sound effects. Far too few of those in recent episodes.

Beat up Sokka quota fulfilled!

Toph has by far the best outfit. Love the gold accents.

We've had two seasons of blatantly blue Katara not being identified by the Fire Nation as a Water Tribe person. I think the necklace can stay.

His headband is an airbender arrow. So much for disguising himself.

I would love it if linguistic drift meant that Aang was going around tossing out slurs completely unaware.

WHAT is this face

"Just slob is fine." I ADORE characters that are so secure in themselves and in their belief in the decency of others that all attempts at ridicule slide off like water off a duck's back.

He does it again! "Wow. Are you a bully? This is so exciting! I've always wanted to meet a bully!"

Onji - get better taste in men. Why are you even dating this prick? Did you have any say in becoming his girlfriend? Blink twice if you need help.

These Fire Nation kids are all so mild. Contrast them with Zuko and they might as well be a different species.

What is Hide and Explode?

Sokka is showing a mastery of slapstick that I haven't seen since The Fortune Teller. Glad to have it back.

Is this the first time someone has recognised Zuko by his scar? About time.

Was it really necessary to beat up the guard? Seems a bit much. Zuko could have just asked nicely. That usually works for Iroh.

Speaking of: Iroh! Hi Iroh! Didn't think you'd still be alive.

Noodle Ozai. Did Aang get put in preschool by accident?

Those hippies should do a song about Secret Rivers.

Tired of spending three years talking to Zuko without making any progress, Iroh decides to attempt a new technique and deploys the silent treatment. It works just as well as three years of talking.

Colour me completely unsurprised that the Fire Nation has a pledge of Allegiance.

This school must have some gnarly punishments if questioning the teacher garners this reaction.

This man's head is alarming.

This man is also surprisingly nice for a fascist agent of the state bent on suppressing personal expression.

Movements? Aang you were showing her MOVEMENTS! GASP! FILTHY!

I love this fight. It's been a while (maybe back to season 1) since Aang's preferred fighting style was 'Nope'.

They haven't committed to the bit this hard since Bonzu Pippinpadalopsicopoulous, the Third!

It's funny how we spent two whole seasons haunted by nothing but threatening shadows of the Fire Lord, and then an episode after his face is finally revealed they turn him into part of the decor. He even gets a noodle version.

Play Spot the Firelord with this episode. I count four.

Sokka is having way too much fun with this.

Just going to sneak a reference to child labour in there. Gnarly punishments indeed.

Local Emos Experience Happiness for the First Time; Immediately Implode.

I'm sorry but Mai's cloak has such Santa vibes.

That is some serious side eye.

"You get to be normal all the time." Aang is pulling no punches today.

Where did they get this many candles? Actually, where did they get that many matches? They don't even have a Firebender on staff.

Poor kid is objectively correct. I guarantee your parents don't want you dancing in a cave. It will be good for you though! just don't lick the walls.

No wonder the Fire Nation got rid of dancing. Those moves are awful.

Zuko! "I brought you this food that I know you don't like because I need your help." Buddy. Why.

I could do without the heavy-handed Katara and Aang romance. Also, when exactly did Katara learn advanced gymnastics and choreograph a whole routine with Aang?

I hate this twerp so much!

That song the band is playing right as the adults bust in is better than the songs featured earlier in the dance montage.

I love this guy.

i know that the soundtrack probably went from diegetic to non-diegetic as soon as the chase started, but I love the idea that the school band provided theme music for searching for Aang.

Delightfully eerie. and also very Spartacus.

Actually with the guards starting to dance, it WAS the school band providing a soundtrack for the Aang hunt.

Is Momo at the reins?

How is this assassin good at keeping secrets and not being followed? He creaks and clanks.

Final Thoughts

I loved this. This type of episode is when Avatar is at its best: heaps of goof, a side helping of heart, subtle and not-so-subtle critiques organically incorporated, tonally contrasting storylines that combine to form a whole greater than its parts, and even one-note characters who are given depth.

Aang was in his element as a normal kid; Sokka was having a great time being super agent / team dad; poor Katara and Toph got like two lines each but still had fun with what they did get. Even Momo got some sight gags.

Aang is so personable. I think it's the combination of great social skills from a good peripatetic upbringing and being a peacetime child.

I think Zuko experienced every possible human emotion this episode. I loved seeing him snark with Mai (those two are way too good together), but his scenes with/revolving around Iroh were confusing and intense. Which is probably how Zuko would describe them too. Seems he's speedrunning his season 1 bad decisions arc.

I'm not fond of this new silent treatment approach from Iroh, but I have to admit that talking to Zuko didn't work for years, so what else is there to try?

I wasn't expecting a Footloose homage and a Spartacus reference in Avatar of all places. But it works. And it works if you don't catch the references too.

I am severely disappointed in Fire Nation fashion. I was expecting gloriously eye-searing red/gold/yellow outfits. I got black/tan/brown with dull red edging. It's probably a visual commentary on what imperialism does to its own people. And the price of dyes. But I was really looking forward to reds and golds! At least I have Toph's outfit.

I loved the liberal use of sound effects in the Gaang's plot. I love comic sound effects on their own, but they really enhanced the contast between Zuko and the Gaang's plots.

There was lots of heavy stuff under the surface this episode, what with the squashing of the self and the discrimination against colonials and the propaganda and the revisionist history and the assassin. But I feel like being silly today, so I'm not going to dig into it. That's one of the great things about this show. Not all, but many episodes are structured so that you can choose your level of engagement and consequent angst.

This episode was funny, and fun. A much-needed palette cleanser after the drudge of the season opener. The last time there was an episode this unapologetically silly was probably Avatar Day. In other words, it's been far too long. Definitely going on my rewatch list.

I really want Zuko's snuggy cape.

[ashwhowrites]

If you are still taking requests, could I please request 9 from the fluff prompts “. . . sorry, I talked too much” “No no no not at all. Keep talking” with Eddie. Maybe he's rambling on about one of his passions and he is so used to people shutting him down but the reader is absolutely enamored?

Your writing fills me with pure delight and I keep trying to sneak reading it at work.💙

I am for sure still taking requests! And flattery works well on me so you will definitely get your request written with a sweet message like that!! I am so happy to hear you like to read my work and it fills you with delight. I will make sure to make this extra fluffly for you.

“… sorry, I talked too much” “No no no not at all. Keep talking”

Eddie was heading to his deal after school, walking and sitting at his usual bench. He rolled his eyes as Jason sat in front of him. "Let's make this fast." Eddie huffed out, opening his lunch box. Eddie was measuring out the weed when Jason spoke up, "So what exactly is a hellfire club?" Eddie looked up, silently puzzled. Why was he asking him about hellfire? Jason never cared. All he wanted was to make his life hell. Eddie glared as he answered with a stiff tone. "We don’t need to do small talk. This is about $30." Eddie handed over the bag filled with weed. He was thrown off by Jason's expression. He almost looked genuine. Eddie always had a soft heart, thanks to Wayne. "It's a DnD club; my friends and I play. It's a fantasy game. We form an adventuring party and explore fantasy worlds together as we embark on epic quests and level up in experience. We each have our own personalities. I'm-" But he was cut off when Jason laughed; the genuine expression was gone. "Wow, those theater classes are paying off. You truly thought I gave a shit about your freak club. " He scoffed and threw the money on the table. And with that, he walked off back to the school grounds. Eddie's shoulders slumped. He knew that not many people understood DnD and thought it was dumb. But that was one of the places he felt himself. Those kids looked up to him, and it made him feel good. He's so used to people looking down on him. It was something he knew so much about he could talk about it for hours, but no one ever wanted to listen. With a slightly worse mood than he showed up with, he went to his van to head home. ~~~~~~~ The next time Eddie got passionate about talking about a topic was with Steve. Eddie was in the middle of a rant about how horror films were truly works of art. Steve believed romance was the top tier. "Listen man, chicks dig horror films. It gets them horny or some shit." Eddie's main point was that he believed nothing got a girl fired up faster than a horror film. Eddie was not one to give up during an argument, so he started stating his facts. He goes into full detail to back up his theory. He was feeling proud of how much information he was able to bring up, but once again that feeling in his gut returned when Steve spoke up, "Okay, I got it, damn you didn't have to keep talking for so long." and he went to help a customer. Eddie felt embarrassed. He knew he got too into his conversations and would go over the top. But the feeling of someone telling you they aren't interested in talking with you or listening to you always hurts. ~~~~~~~ Eddie tried not to talk too much about things. That feeling that had turned his mood sour was something he didn't want to experience again. But once again, he couldn't stop himself in class when the topic of music was brought up. He proudly stated how he played guitar and was in a band. He was working in a group, and they had to create a song with chords. Eddie decided to take the role of the group, as his sweetheart had taught him well. The group had to share their work with the class. Eddie was passionately stating how his mind came up with certain parts of the song. He felt confident and, for the first time, smart about how well he understood the material. But then that feeling was running down his throat and landing in his stomach when a voice spoke up. 

"Yo freak, I don't care about how you made the song. Quit talking, we have other stuff to do." Defeated Eddie headed to his seat in the back of the class, with his curly head down.

~~~~~~

Eddie was forcing books into his dirty locker that really needed to be cleaned out when a soft and gentle voice came from next to him. "Excuse me?" Eddie looked over and saw the most gorgeous person he had ever seen. Their eyes were big and sparkled. Their hair was styled to perfection. And a big smile was stretched across their faces. Eddie felt his heart literally skip a few beats. He then realized he had not answered. "Oh yes, Hi." He fumbled out with a shy smile. They laughed, and the smile got even bigger.

"I'm new and was wondering if you could help me out." Eddie's ears were attentively listening to them. It was like their voice were his new favorite sounds.

Eddie nodded quickly and put out his hand. "I'm Eddie." "I'm Y/N" They shook his hand with a soft grip. His stomach did flips at the contact. Eddie spent the rest of the day showing Y/N around, helping them get to classes, showing them the nearest bathrooms, and even asking Y/N to join his lunch table, to which they happily agreed. Eddie and Y/N were getting closer as the days passed. They shared many classes, sat at lunch together, and Eddie lied and said he studied at the library on Fridays, just to have Y/N alone at least once a week. And tonight, Eddie was finally going to ask Y/N out. He had no idea if they were even interested, but he had to take the chance. "So Y/N, any plans for this evening?" Eddie asked as Y/N hopped into his van. Y/N quickly answered with a no. Eddie felt relieved at the fact that they didn't have plans. "Would you maybe want to go out tonight? To like, dinner or something? on a date? " Y/N was caught off guard by the question. There was definitely a crush growing on the metalhead they spent all their time with. They felt a blush heat their cheeks and a smile form. "I'd love to." they answered, and they had never seen Eddie smile bigger than today. Eddie decided on a diner. Granted, he couldn't afford an expensive place, but he hoped a diner would be a good choice. "Don't worry Eddie, I've loved diners ever since I was young. This is a great choice. " Eddie felt himself smile at that and was pleased that this date was going in a good direction.

As the date went on, the conversations flowed effortlessly. His cheeks hurt from how much he was smiling and laughing. He could feel the crush growing more and more. He tried to steer the direction of things he knew he'd go over the top with. He really liked Y/N and did not want to annoy them with his constant ramblings. The date ended and he brought them home. He sealed the date with a kiss and a new hope in his chest. He felt like he was on cloud nine the whole way home. Smiling to himself and fist bumping, he was proud that he didn't get carried away in conversation. Maybe he was getting better at keeping himself composed. ~~~~ Y/N loved spending time with Eddie in the last few weeks. He was sweet, caring, and hilarious. But something kept nagging in their minds. It felt like he was walking on eggshells when they spoke. Y/N wasn't sure if they were intimating or boring. But Eddie is honest. He'd say something, wouldn't he? Y/N and Eddie were cuddling on his couch, in his small and cozy trailer. Y/N's hand was delicately rubbing Eddie's chest over his hellfire shirt. "So what is hellfire?" They asked softly. Eddie went stiff. His mind went back to Jason, and that sickening feeling arose in his stomach. He tried to stay clear of hellfire and DnD conversation because he knew he couldn't stay quiet about it. "Just a club." He mumbled with a shrug. "What's the club about?" Y/N asked as they looked up at him. They could see the anxiety in Eddie's eyes. They just didn't understand why he was so distant and scared. "Its DnD." His answers were short and quick. They weren't giving up on him. "What's DnD? I'm not sure I've heard about it.” Eddie made eye contact and he could see the curiosity in their eyes. Y/N was different from Jason. Eddie shouldn't treat them so badly. He sighed and began to describe the events of DnD.

Eddie was lost in his rant when he looked at the clock. His eyes went huge when he realized he had been talking Y/N's ear off for 20 minutes straight of just DnD. He quickly shut his mouth, mid-explanation. He reasoned that since Y/N had already zoned out, they wouldn't even notice his thought was incomplete.

But to his surprise, Y/N looked up at him, confused, "Why did you stop? Did Dustin defeat Vecna? " Eddie was lost for words. Not only were they listening the whole time, but they were asking him to continue. "Oh, I'm sorry. I talked too much, so I didn't want to bore you. " His words made their heart hurt. How could he think that they didn't want to listen to him? He never talks too much. This was the most they had gotten to hear him speak in weeks. They smiled encouragingly, "No, not at all. Keep talking. I need to know how it ends. I love how passionate you sound. " Eddie swears he fell in love right there. His chest felt like it was going to explode. He felt accepted and understood. For once, someone wanted to listen to him. Someone cared. And he vowed not to mess this up.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

medialog may 2k24

not me being on time...

watched

the pilot of star trek: deep space nine - i normally would not list a single episode of television here but (1) it's almost two fucking hours long and (2) i watched this in some ways as one might watch a movie, i.e. at a friend's behalf without any expectation of continuing. i'm not sure that i will continue because as we all know i'm not the biggest fan of space, but i will say that my friend had been on me for ages about this and i truly could not imagine what he thought the appeal might be and then it turned out to be literally about colonialism and trauma so i was like.... okay..... points were made......

i saw the TV glow - on letterboxd i called this "beautiful, aching, strange," which i think sums it up. the visual look of this movie has really stayed with me, as have certain scenes (the neck-drawing scene - one of the most intimate, tender, & vulnerable moments i've ever seen in a movie), as has the way that i didn't really know how to watch it or what it was doing until the very end, which made it sort of curious in the moment but felt right in the end because it's about people who don't know what story they're in (made me think a little, weirdly, of the green knight, which i had a similar experience with). i also just appreciated its loving fidelity, even as that affection is complicated by the text itself, for the aesthetics of the first nickelodeon generation, and the fact that one of the things it's about is the idea of being life-changingly obsessed with something that's objectively kind of stupid.

challengers - "is this movie good" wrong question. right question is "does this movie fuck" and the answer is ABSOLUTELY. i'm gonna say something very controversial which is the more i think about it the more i think the movie was correct to include no real actual sex scenes and that in this specific case i truly believe if there was more fucking it would be less horny. last moment maybe the most purely elation-producing thing i have seen in a movie all year.

thief - i continue to be so glad to have been gently michael mann pilled by @power-chords; he is such an incredibly reliable filmmaker for making movies that are incredibly entertaining and well-made scene-to-scene but always manage to be so much meatier and more interesting in their writing & execution than the plot summary might lead you to assume. like, every time i watch one of his movies about white guys doing crimes, something people make a zillion movies about each year, i'm like, how come they don't all just do it like this guy? this one doesn't quite have the kick-it-to-eleven-something-extra to land it in top-tier mann territory for me personally, but it's still great, with a killer lead performance. it really brought home for me how much his movies are driven by a firm belief in the fact that people have personal philosophies that matter to them in a real way, and that one thing that makes him interesting and distinct is his insistence (here as in heat & blackhat) that that applies not just equally but possibly more so to people who have been incarcerated, and in fact his insistence on viewing incarceration itself as a situation which forces people to develop and articulate their personal philosophies as a matter of psychological survival (while obviously influencing what that philosophy is).

trouble in paradise - my letterboxd review of this was "siri play cowboy like me" and i stand by that: girl and boy meet cute in a classic scammer4scammer relationship, things get complicated on a later trick but ultimately they'll be loyal to each other and no one else until the end. i liked that but lubitsch is also a filmmaker who has turned out a bunch of kick-it-to-eleven movies that really wowed me and this felt a little light compared to the deranged battle-of-the-sexes fantasia bluebeard's eighth wife, the unbelievably dark and unbelievably funny WWII farce to be or not to be, or the OG MMF threesome celebration design for living. this one is just a very nice time, although i do need to stress that if it had been my first lubitsch i probably would have been more impressed, and the highs against which i am measuring it are EXTREMELY high

the bourne identity - did you know that brian cox and julia stiles are both in this movie? think about that for a minute. anyway this is decently fun

the bourne supremacy - kicks like 200% more ass than the first one, much more concerned with delivering awesome set pieces happening as frequently as possible. crazy to watch the shaky-cam action scenes in this after 7 million incoherent shitty shaky-cam action scenes and really savor the fact that even though it FEELS out of control and wild, actually you can tell what is going on with perfect clarity the entire time!

perfect blue - this is like the most incredible movie i have seen in my entire life holy shit????? just an incredible exploration of celebrity, identity, projection, parasocial relationships, the viciousness and dehumanization women in the public eye experience within the entertainment industry and without, often from people who identify as their biggest fans... also one of the only movies (seriously it's like... this and eighth grade? what else is there?) to make meaningful use of the affective/psychological/metaphorical dimension of the internet (in a way that makes clear that with the internet it's hard to suss those three apart), despite the fact that it came out in 1997 and features a scene of someone explaining to the protagonist how to go online. like it came out THAT early and ALSO: features a scene where our constantly dissociating heroine whose grasp on reality is dissolving reads a blog an obsessive stalker has been writing in her voice and uses it to identify what she did that day... like satoshi kon (RIP) your mind... this is also probably the animated movie i've seen that makes the most interesting use of the fact that "real" and "fake" can plausibly look identical in animation. it's a dark and viscerally disturbing watch with some deeply cynical observations and yet ultimately feels very humane and not wholly depressing... it's a miracle to me this movie exists i really can't believe how good it was. everything i've ever wanted happening at once.

furiosa: a mad max saga - i'm so glad chris hemsworth got to be australian in a movie that rocked... darker and slower than fury road, both by design, but i really liked its heaviness, offset (and this is like fury road) by a core humanity that feels like a real commitment. but also it is filled with many scenes that whip unholy amounts of ass.

ball of fire - THIS MOVIE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay this is a screwball romcom from 1941 and the premise is: "stuffy but sweet grammarian currently serving as the only hot member of an eight-person team of encyclopedists realizes after a chance encounter with a loquacious garbageman seeking trivia help that his entry on slang is hopelessly outdated and ventures out of project headquarters to learn the language of the people on the streets, where he also finds a nightclub singer with a smart mouth who unbeknownst to him is a gangster's moll tangled in a web of her own." IS THAT NOT THE BEST IDEA FOR A MOVIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE???? everything about this movie is SO delightful. gary cooper is so funny and so cute and sweet blushing his way through a belated sexual awakening, barbara stanwyck is charismatic and sharp winning over both him and the seven old nerds who are silly and cartoonish in the best way (but also one of whom gets a monologue that is genuinely moving but whose obscenity is so thinly veiled i TRULY could not believe the board let it through in '41 lmao). this was screening as part of some partnership with the academy where different branches choose movies to highlight and it was selected by the writers, which makes sense because the screenplay is INCREDIBLE, both structurally and line by line. it's somehow both gonzo and intimate, weaving a goofy gangster plot that in the screwball setting reads almost like a parody of noir (the chief goon is named "pastrami" lmao) in at the edges of a genuinely tender love story of the very very best kind, which is two people who surprise each other and consequently themselves, who mutually change each other but not in a way that suggests either of them ever needed to be fixed... and the way this happens is largely through LANGUAGE!! the script is sooo in love with language itself, seeing poetry both in fast-talking street-corner patter and in a line from richard iii that appears in a scene that remains hilarious even as it's also so heart-rending that it elicited not one but two vocal oh's from the person behind me. like, it's so crucial that cooper's character's attitude towards all the slang he's missed while holed up with his books is the excitement of a botanist discovering a new species of fern, totally devoid of condescension or scorn (there's a scene where he tries to understand the meaning of "corny".... it's just so good). this movie felt like a magic trick!!! i just coudn't get over it!!! i was floating on air!!! i was thinking about it all day!!! love yourself and watch it as soon as you're able!!!

ONGOING: interview with the vampire season 2 - Finally Some Good Fucking Food

read

andy greenwald, nothing feels good: punk rock, teenagers, and emo - when i was working on the taylor post i asked nick if the starting line qualified as emo and he responded by pulling this book off the shelf and seeing if they were mentioned (they are, several times). i flipped through it for some additional context and decided to read it for real because i was in the mood for some light nonfiction and it seemed fun and also i know andy greenwald as half of one of the ringer podcasts (the watch, which discusses TV; i had no idea he used to be a music guy). anyway i liked this more than i expected to honestly! you can tell that greenwald genuinely admires the work of many of the bands mentioned, both in emo's hardcore antecedents and in the scene/movement/trend itself (and he devotes a lot of space to the ways emo is all three of those in different ways or sometimes all at once), but you also get the sense that he's approaching this more as a journalist than as a critic, and his primary interest is less the music than the experience of the bands and especially of the fans; it's an oversimplification to say that his argument about emo is that it brings the catharsis of punk to uncool normie teens (given the origin point of my journey with this book, yes, i did constantly find myself stumbling across sentences that sounded like things a person could write about taylor swift lmao), but that's kind of the idea, and crucial here is that greenwald thinks it's good and special that these kids have something that means so much to them, and that's true regardless of the music's artistic merits, which obviously appeals a lot to me, a person whose now deleted perblog had a running tag called #avril lavigne was my kathleen hanna. the sections where he interviews actual teenagers made me choke up... multiple times. i was also kind of pleasantly surprised by how well most of the musicians he interviews come off. a lot of attention is given to chris carrabba of dashboard confessional (not really "of," apparently it's like the mountain goats where the name refers to A Guy and other people also appear variously...) who comes across as sincere and also sincerely actually kind of tormented and unwell to the extent that i found myself like concerned about his mental health, which was not an emotion i expected to ever feel... also the final two chapters are about the internet and the last chapter specifically is about livejournal and as someone who got on liveournal as a teenager the year this book came out, greenwald is more astute about the draw of blogging for young people with many feelings than basically anyone i read pontificating on the topic in high school and maybe anyone since - i'm really hard-pressed to come up with something About The Internet i've read that made me feel "yes! this is true and resonant to my experience of Online!" as much as this did.

courtney summers, the project - summers is one of a handful of authors i actively follow, and this is the first of two books of hers i've missed while having several off-years for reading. like a special gift for me personally, it's about cults, and she nails it; the book has two timelines, one in the present and one in the past, each following one of a pair of sisters drawn into the cult at a different time, in a different way, for different reasons - but to horrifying ends just the same. summers has talked in interviews and in her newsletter about wanting to write books that push at the empathy gap for imperfect victims, and this one pushes it as far as she's ever gone; i just think it's so, so, so great that she asks the reader to watch two different vulnerable people fall for manipulation she knows the reader will be able to spot a mile away and refuses to judge her characters for being manipulated. (also as someone with Some Interest In Cults, but no personal experience... for what it's worth, i think she really nailed the organization, which she says is inspired primarily by the people's temple but will ring familiar to others as well because on a certain level all these places are the same, as well as the charismatic figure at its center. and i thought it was kinda baller to make it an explicitly christian cult.) it's also her plottiest book yet, even more so than sadie, but still retains her knife-sharp interiority. at one point in this book a character who's a journalist says something like "the closer to the bone you get, the less you can be denied," which is an apt a mission statement as she's ever written for herself, and a pretty good one if you're on the market.

listened

dula lipa, radical optimism - dua lipa is to me the living embodiment of that line from the other two, "thank you, john legend! another b-plus!" and, indeed, this album is: Fine

billie eilish, hit me hard and soft - i really wanted to adore this the way i adored happier than ever, which totally blew me away, but i didn't - it's a little too polished, a little too respectable as Well Crafted Pop (as opposed to happier than ever which sort of flirted with respectability vis a vis its subject matter and the oldies influence on its several slower tracks, but which as a project was so eclectic and brimming with ambition that it still felt really electric). but, i mean, it's still good - i really think eilish is top-tier as a songwriter and her lyricism remains distinctive (who else would open her sweetest and most joyful love song yet with a verse saying essentially "kill me if you're gone because i would have no reason to live"?),, and finneas's glossy sheen is never anything less than pleasant to lsiten to - and obviously one of the most famous figures in pop right now putting out a single about how she loves eating pussy and spoiling the shit out of her girlfriend is an unmitigated win. my favorite track is probably the after-album release of the extended cut of the bizarre eurotrash song tucked into the last two minutes of some other normal song, which makes no sense to exist but delights me.

[littleseasalt]

the thing is that like we see the eggs as kids so like in our pov it's like. wow man there's CHILDREN being made/cloned/experimented on/whatever by this organization and they're treated like that so the Islanders can't escape but this is extremely cruel to the children themselves so like. of course we are going to be pissed at the codes organization for being top tier child murders. but at the same time from the pov of a normal person it's like. the everybody hates chris episode where the teacher gives everyone eggs and rochelle makes chris treat the egg like an actual baby and chris goes insane because realistically who tf treats an egg like a kid OWNCIENFIENFOEJ

[ineffablelunatic]

The Great British Bakeoff but it's Ghosts

This is going to be a longer post but here goes: (if you're British like me you'll understand this, if not you'll probably be confused)

Signature:

Pat - does something simple but wonderful that links back to his Yorkshire roots. (I feel like he would be a good baker.) He gets the Paul Hollywood handshake and immediately befriends the comedian hosts.

Mary - burns it.

Captain - does something from the time of rationing. He makes a very small cake with minimal ingredients, but for what it is it's quite good.

Fanny - makes something old fashioned, such as fruit cake or figgy pudding. It doesn't taste of much and she gets very offended when the judges say so.

Thomas - pours his heart and soul into the cake. Starts crying halfway through and has to take a break. He probably makes something fancy with pineapples or other unusual ingredients, just because he can.

Julian - brandy. He puts lots of brandy in the cake. He must have luck on his side, because it turns out surprisingly well. Maybe he bribed the judges.

Kitty - does something cute and pink and heart shaped. It's not that tasty but the judges don't want to be mean to her, and so they say it's delicious.

Humphrey - fairly average. He makes a two tier cake, and the top tier keeps falling off. At one point he leaves his head in the freezer.

Robin - Doesn't really know how to make cake, but he tries his best. He gets excited about the oven and messes with it just enough that the cake comes out perfectly cooked.

Technical:

1st place: Captain. Unsurprising, given he's good at following (and giving) orders.

2nd place: Humphrey. A little more unusual, but he seems to have a knack for baking now that he's reattached his head.

3rd place: Julian. Bribery, probably.

Last place: Mary. She burnt it.

Showstopper:

Pat - makes a scouts themed cake with marshmallows and chocolate. It's very tasty.

Mary - crème brulée. It's quite good, possibly because it's actually supposed to be burned.

Captain - makes Havers's favourite cake. Gets sad but won't tell anyone why. At least he didn't bury any explosives in it.

Fanny - very extravagant tiered cake. It has a replica of Button House on top, and it looks a little like a wedding cake. One of the windows keeps falling off. Strange, given it's the one she was pushed out of.

Thomas - Red velvet cake. He writes his poetry on the sides in food dye. It's decorated with small chocolate beads that look surprisingly like musket balls.

Julian - adds more alcohol. In fact, he spends so much time adding alcohol (and drinking it) that he runs out of time and isn't able to ice the bottom half of the cake.

Kitty - it's heart shaped again, and it has tiny fondant dolls on top that she made. They depict her, Alison, all of the ghosts, her father, and her sister - herself and the people she loves (even if not all of them deserve it).

Humphrey - he makes a french cake. It's very nice and all, but the instructions that his wife used to use are in french, and once again the top layer keeps falling off. Couldn't think why.

Robin - blows everyone away with an incredible Moonah Ston cake. It's very accurate, and there's something almost... electrical about the flavour. It's also perfectly cooked thanks to his fiddling with the oven.

Star baker:

Robin! Despite having no prior experience, he really managed to wow everyone with his showstopper. To celebrate he blows all of the fuses in the tent.

[sidgeno-ficrecs]

emphatically so by @goodnightpuckbunny

sidgeno (2019, explicit, 3k)

They had done some things, but they hadn't fucked. Not properly. Of course, he likes Geno, but it's still Geno. It's weird to have sex with your friend and teammate of over a decade.

"That?" Sid jerks his thumb at the wall. "That is not top-tier fucking. Absolutely not."

Geno snorts and puts two cards in the crib. "Yes, we can do better."

Heat sweeps over the back of Sid's neck. He hadn't meant to turn it into a competition. "No."

"No?"

"I mean, no don't—of course we can do better." He hasn't even looked at his hand yet. 

Geno raises his eyebrows. "So?"

i've never played cribbage. the only frame of reference i have to it is this fic. so i'm sorry, @goodnightpuckbunny, but i'm going to have to disagree with your end note—to me, cribbage is insanely sexy, and the only person to blame for my impression of it is you!

wow. what a mouthwatering morsel this fic is. the descriptions of geno through sid's eyes paint an absolutely irresistible picture, and there's something so special about developing relationship stories—they're together, sure, but there's still so much tension in the air, and that drips through every word of this fic.

the premise—trying to relax on a roadie while your next-door neighbor has obnoxiously-loud sex—is just perfect for a hockey fic, and i loved how sid reflects on how the change in their relationship is pretty fucking important...until he gets distracted by more pertinent things!

geno is an absolute delight in this. he's smooth, which can be so hard to write in a way that's not cheesy or cringey, but there's not an ounce of that here—just geno, goading sid on, and when sid doesn't take the bait fast enough, taking control of the situation himself.

this fic is full of lush descriptions and visceral physicality. the way sid experiences geno's body against his, the way they fit together, and the moment of humor partway through, all speak to a very well-known and well-loved relationship, albeit one that's changed recently, and it's suffused with genuine, palpable affection.

something else i really love about this story is how unabashedly horny they both are. geno wants to get laid, and sid is more than happy to go along for the ride. his eagerness to dive right in and get geno good, and his unabashed enjoyment when geno returns the favor after, is so deliciously sexy. they're very much two guys who like each other a lot, but also really, really want to get off, and the fic seamlessly blends the importance of the growing relationship with the 'i need to come right now' urgency.

and, can we talk about the rimming? there is simply not enough of it in this pairing, and that's a damn shame because have you seen the pictures of these two?? this is such a good use of it that whenever that's what i'm in the mood for reading, this is what i return to every time—and i suspect you will too.

read it here on ao3!

and don't forget to leave a comment!

[lakesbian]

Got curious because people kept trying to prove that not all Wormfic sucks with the, so solicited good Wormfic on my blog, and wow, you were not lying, that Wormfic really can suck. - jewish-skitter

theyre just genuinely not good. like theyre straight up not good. we are in a dire situation where my no effort undersiders shitpost fic for a headcanon i don't even like is like. top tier. not because its particularly good just because i win by everything else being so much fucking worse. the worst part is that whereas infinity train fanfiction is usually bad in a funny way worm fanfiction is primarily bad in a boring spacebattles way and also 180k words long. also the fandom is so small that i can't get 3 feet into complaining about any of it without tripping into someone whose written it. and there's not even enough bad alec fic to make a bad alec fic bingo. but i digress. it's not good. that said shoutout to the all time funniest fandom experience of:

i read a fic which portrays alec as an abusive piece of shit aisha literally has to defenestrate herself to escape from

i do not like it. to put it lightly. because it's not nicey to my boy, who sucks, but not like that. and then also later i notice the author is following me on tumblr and reblogging all of my alec essays

like 2 months later they send me an ask informing me that my alec essays are good and also they were inspired to write a new fanfiction

i read the new fanfiction and it's about aisha and alec hanging out together and having a generally functional relationship

My Fucking Power. my Influence. my Success At Being Alec Vasil's Lawyer

[imunbreakabledude]

gielinor games s4 premiere... such great entertainment, hyped to watch it as it comes out this year but also bummed I can't binge because i crave the drama!

reactions/spoilers below

V the Victim? more like V the VILLAIN am i right? nah but even tho it's fun that it looks like he's shaping up for an early villain arc, I gotta say, i feel like most people would've made similar choices to him. getting put in the banning in the first ep and finding out on the spot that you pick your own opponent? you got no time to strategize about the value of diff choices, or to gague your own picks against what other people have done... and you look like a cocky fool if you pick someone who's better than you and get knocked out so the only logical thing is to pick someone you think you have a good shot at beating in any sort of challenge... and... no offense to her but based on today's ep and also generally what I know of the other players (some of the newcomers I'm not so familiar with)... she was the obvious choice. it's kinda on Soup too for throwing someone with so much less experience than everyone else in there... not trying to blame him lol it's still good content but it wasn't like there was a group of top tier "don't pick" players and then a group of more easily beatable players, everyone in there this year is pretty intimidating, like there's not even like a j1mmy or tanzoo or virtoso type in there of like someone who's solidly competent all around but definitely less "serious" and competitive than the ppl like b0aty/solo/etc... I guess the one other thing V could've done that probably would've come off less harsh would be to pick one of the newcomers who's mainly a PVPer and just hope it's not a PVP challenge since 1st ep rarely is, but that's risky, cuz if it IS, that just sucks. so yeah, idk why you wouldn't pick the person who openly said "i've never played on a maxed account" lol and I feel bad I would've liked to see if she could go far and score some upsets, sure, tbh I really wish there were more women in the games/in top osrs creators in general but also... in honesty, she stuck out among the bunch. all hopes for the fairer sex on zoepancakes now lol

also the amulet of choice is really interesting, removing the possibility of getting FULL immunity shakes things up, makes it tougher for someone to survive for a long time when constantly getting put in bannings but also there's probably less likelihood of ppl getting put in week after week anyway without mass voting and alliances putting the same people in yknow? and if the tribunal is always shifting and usually made up of strong players, you have to be careful which other strong players you put in, cuz they might come for you in return. (side note: them announcing their individual votes publicly is interesting, i wonder what would happen if they refused to reach consensus and each insisted on picking 3 diff people, or if they had 'consensus' but the one person changed their vote at the last minute solely to look like they didn't want to vote for that person lol). but i get why Victim picked the Sabotage choice, it plays into the villain narrative but he probably was gonna have that/have a target on his back for winning last year anyway, and that's the only one that really helps him bc protection from being picked as a banning opponent is not really attractive since people presumably wouldn't WANT to go against him as a strong competitor.

also, I have to say, it's a lot more fun to watch now that I've played a lot more in the past year and I'm more familiar with some of the content firsthand, like I had never really done DKs before this year and I might've been looking at that banning like "oh wow idk who has it here, he looks cocky, that's such cheap gear, and she's definitely better equipped" but having done them myself and brainstorming what gear I would bring in my head for this challenge (i was envisioning basically what Victim brought but just a couple more expensive swaps in the mix)... as soon as i saw the gear reveals I was like, yup he wins. The only way he could've lost was if he got too sloppy with the prayer flicking and tanked a 50 from prime and a big hit from supreme at the same time but like... he's clearly confident if he's doing it like that (i mean he's a high level pvmer so i'm sure for anyone who has done enough inferno/raids flicking 2 dks doesn't feel risky) and even if he did mess up once... he can spam eat all his food... it's not that hard to not die at DKs for ONE kill.

and i get she was nervous and didn't want to go too cheap and then die, but i was like girl, if you mainly play iron... you should know how to do DKs in some scuffed gear, right? why the hell are you bringing 2 full barrows sets and a dfs, no way you had a dfs before doing DKs first time on an iron right??? you know it's not necessary. why are you bringing a fury which is barely better than a glory and over 100x the price? lol I know it is so easy to criticize watching it at home and not under pressure but I was like, cmon, have a LITTLE confidence in yourself

lowkey bummed we didn't get to see that challenge with 2 very confident players because that "cheapest fire cape" challenge was so interesting before (tho it also had the speed element) so it would've been interesting to see if it was V up against someone like solomission or framed and they both knew the other was gonna go super low so they had to consider like... cheapest possible food, downgrading shield slot, stuff like that, leading to some genuine risk. ah well maybe there'll be another similar challenge later

anyways. feel bad for her, definitely that surprise rule change was rough for inexperienced players (wouldn't be surprised if the other newcomers are the next targets for ban partners) but it's gonna be a fun dramatic season for sure.

hoping for zoepancakes to get far at least and idk if i'm truly rooting for anyone in particular to win but tbh I love this secret alliance between skillspecs and torvesta so I hope they get far and screw with the other people lol

oh also the main challenge for this episode was awesome i loved it such a fun twist on game knowledge/mind games/memory/speed and the way it got harder each round... i do have to admit settled's strategy was super big brained... who thinks of that in the moment?? lol

[hxhhasmysoul]

the yuuji is seen stupid talk is so much applying the stereotype that only maths makes you smart. it's done to gon too. even though these characters are very quick learners and smart and knowledgeable in non math related ways. it is done in universe as well, this kind of belief that there’s only a specific way to be smart. if i remember correctly, there are cultural reasons for this, rooted in classism sexism, racism and ableism. but even in the more leftist fandom circles it’s still quite pervasive. i guess it’s one of those transparent biases so ingrained in us that we don’t even think about them.

for example in both these cases they have very high emotional intelligence, when someone like gojou or megumi don’t. killua actually has pretty high emotional intelligence, he’s a more balanced character, like gon.

and i think in both cases, gon and yuuji, it’s because of the surface level comments other characters make.

killua calls gon dumb and gon can’t do maths and it’s like well it’s settled. but also killua admires gon like a lot, he respects gon’s skill implicitly, he relies on gon’s abilities. maybe because killua is there to infodump about the world sometimes and gon’s upbringing was more sheltered, the fandom believes that killua is smarter. which really isn’t the case. and killua is actually quite stupid in some ways, he over relies on his supposed knowledge and loses a lot of their money. sigh.

if one treats intelligence and smarts holistically gon and killua are really well and closely matched.

with yuuji it’s kind of more upsetting. because for example gojou may be a top tier cursed energy user and he can aquire knowledge really fast due to his cursed technique but he’s irresponsible af, he’s a very bad teacher, his plan of changing the jujutsu world is a nothing burger and not like he’d advanced it very far before kenjaku sealed him. and kenjaku outsmarted him with not much pushback from gojou. and his emotional intelligence is in single digits.

megumi is not much better either. his life philosophy is not very smart. it kinda feels like he read one philosophy book and internalised it to repeat it. he’s so enamoured with it that he needs to be shocked into thinking deeply about what he actually believes in. he may have a lot of knowledge but that makes him good at school. he had no idea how to go about his cursed technique, he only started advancing in it once sukuna pushed him and yuuji’s advancement shamed him. and his emotional intelligence is mediocre, i mean he’s better than gojou but that bar is on the floor.

when it comes to intelligence and smarts yuuji is kinda on average evenly matched with someone like gojou because gojou breaks the chart in one category and barely has anything in others.

but compared to megumi? yuuji comes out on top imo. megumi’s development was in the gutter before yuuji showed up and later megumi piggybacked on yuuji’s advancement a lot. and yuuji feels far more adaptive than megumi, he is also more level headed in dangerous situations. megumi still does well in fights and figures out stuff but when you compare the experience and knowledge about jujutsu he has to yuuji’s, things he does kind of lose their wow factor. it’s like, well it’d be embarrassing if couldn’t do it, you know, especially with how highly he thinks of himself.

and megumi uses hard words and jargon, and is eloquent, and also speaks in a decisive way. he projects certain and expertise that imo he shouldn’t feel that entitled to. but it impresses and intimidates yuuji because he’s not bookish. also spewing jargon is kind of cringe, like when it’s no in an insular nerd on nerd situation it kinda signals insecurity more than intelligence.

it’s kinda irritating that in world characters are annoyed at yuuji’s lack of knowledge. it kinda shows that they aren’t very smart themselves because they expect a person with no prior experience or education in jujutsu to have the knowledge they’ve been gathering for years. again, this reflects on them not on yuuji.