#like. listen i went through a brief period at the start of last year after i first got into cats where i hyperfixated

[kaijudyke]

i did know beforehand that seeing cats live was probably gonna do something to me. did i know it was gonna do this? no i did not

[romanarose]

Santi with reader on her period

Santiago Garcia x fem!reader

Summary: You wake up to find you not only bled all over yourself, but your new boyfriend and his bed.

A/N I am on my period I literally just wanted to write this self indulgent shit

WARNINGS: lots of talk about blood, period, embarrassment, like,,,,, so much blood talk.

**************

When Santiago Garcia woke up that morning, the first thing he registered was you on top on him. You two hadn’t been dating for very long, a few months at most, but had quickly started staying the night at his place. He knew sometimes you got nightmares or struggled to sleep, and he would sometimes find self underneath you. He had insisted you could wake him if you were scared or couldn’t sleep, but inturn, you had insisted that all you needed was to snuggle up to him. One or the other had happened last night, as you were laying on his chest, your leg bent and spread over him in the shorts and tank top you went to bed in. 

The next thing he registered was that he was wet. Brain still foggy from sleep, he wondered if he had a wet dream, but the source seemed to come from you. Was it possible for you to get that wet from a sex dream? Were you rutting against his thigh in your sleep? He didn’t know if even that could get how soaked he felt. Was it on the bed? Fuck, he should’ve paid more attention in health class. Ah, who was he kidding, they didn’t teach this in health. Too sleep addled to think further, he pulled back the blanket, and suddenly everything made sense. 

“Sweetheart, hey” He carefully woke you.

A tired smile greeted him as you gazed up at his face. “Morning, Santi… what-” you started to register what he had.

“You started your period-”

“OH MY GOD” You sat up in horror looking at the red sheets and his stained shorts. “Fuck fuck fuck! Im so sorry!” 

“Honey it’s okay, it’s just blood” Not the first time Santi had blood on him, not the last.

Your face was beat red, humiliation burned out your skin. You couldn’t even look at your new boyfriend as you scrambled off his bed, trying not to get anything more on his blankets. “I’ll do the laundry, I’ll get the blood out, I’m so sorry”

“It’s fi-” he tried to calm you, but you weren’t listening

“Oh my god it’s early, I don’t even have any emergency shit! Fuck!” You feel a fresh wave come out, brought on by your angst and sudden blood is dripping down your legs. You burst into tears, running into his bathroom and slamming it behind you as you sat on the toilet, crying. He was going to think you were disgusting, he was never going to let you stay over again, if he didn't break up with you completely. This is the kind of thing you could get away with after a few years of dating, but a few months? Surely he was texting his friends right now, and they were all laughing at you, and he’d make fun of you for this for the short remainder of your relationship and-

Knock, knock

“Honey? You okay?”

You take a deep breath, trying not to sound too pathetic, but your voice is wobbly anyway. “No, I just bled all over you. I’m going to fucking killself, this was my 13th goddamn reason, your probably making fun of me with Benny right now and I don’t even have any pads or clothes and I have blood everywhere on me-”

“Can I come in?”

“No, I’m embarrassed enough”

“Okay” you hear a rustling at the door.“Here’s some clothes and some towels. Take a shower, get dressed. brought you boxer briefs and a washcloth, if you get done before I’m back, just use the washcloth as a pad. Or take a hot bath, whichever.” A pause. “And baby, I’m not making fun of you to Benny. You know how times I woke up covered in my own bodily fluids after a night of heavy drinking? This is nothing.”

You shut your eyes tightly. He was so goddamn sweet it fucking hurt. “Where are you going”

“I’m gonna run to the corner store, get you what you need, okay?” His voice is soft through the door.

“Yeah, okay. My purse is on the counter, my pin is-”

“Aht, no, I’m getting it”

“Santi-”  you begin to protest.

“Can’t hear you! Hamper is outside the door.” he began to walk away. You smile a bit, despite your humiliation. When you hear him leave, you clean up enough to allow you to take off the clothes. It had spread up your torso and down your legs, you looked like Carrie. You open the door to find a hamper and clothes as promised. You toss the bloody mess in, and get into the shower where you prompt break down crying again, thoughts still spiraling in embarrassment.

Despite it being in walking distance, he drove his car to the closest convenience store, wanting to get back before you were done to save you any more embarrassment if he could. He had called Frankie, knowing he could give him what he needed to know, while being discreet. “Hypothetical situation”

“Pope it’s 10 am on a sunday”

“I know, I know. But let’s say, maybe, possibly, your lady was on her period and she didn’t bring anything and you needed to get her what she needed”

“Ah. I see. Well, hypothetically, pads and tampons of course.”

“What kind?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“No, she was too busy crying in the bathroom for bleeding on me”

“Oh jeez. Yeah I’d probably cry over that too. Well, in general, anything with work in a pinch. Where are you?”

“7/eleven”

“Not a lot of options anyway. Unless she has an allergy or sensitive skin, whatever they have will work for today.”

”Why does walmart need a whole aisle?”

“Well different brands, but also sizes for different flows. Also some people got sensitive skin and need organic, or the big ones for overnights.”

“You certainly know your way around a vagina”

Fish chuckled. “Yeah, I do. That’s what happens when you date a girl for more than a month, ese”

“Hey! I’ve been with her for three now!” Santi said defensively.

“Ohhh, three months, I’ll reserve a church for the wedding”

“I’m serious about her, Fish” Santi got a bit more stern. “I want her to stay. She’s different.”

“I know, I know you’re serious. Listen, I’ll go to the store with you sometime this week and help you get shit girls need so you can be prepared, make a good impression. But for now, get snacks and motrin”

When he got home, you were showering, bloody clothes tossed in the hamper. Perfect, he thought. He was able to throw your clothes, his dirty ones that you bled on, and his sheets and blankets in the wash so you didn’t have to worry about them, Fish texting him laundry tips on blood removal. When he heard the shower turn off, he dashed over to the door. “Baby, I got the pads and tampons” Santi made a conscious effort to name them, trying his best to show he wasn’t grossed out by the idea of periods. “They’ll be by the door, I’ll be in the kitchen.” He gave you privacy to do what you needed.

When you emerged, it was clear you had been crying. “I’m sorry” You whimper.

Santiago speeds over to where you’re lip is quivering, taking you in his strong arms. “Don’t be embarrassed, please. I got everything washing, it was time for me to clean my sheets anyway.” A lie. He washed them yesterday because he knew you were coming over and he wanted to impress you with clean sheets.. “You don’t work today right?”

“No, I’m off”

“Great, I am too. Do you wanna… do you wanna stay the day? I’ll take you home in the morning so you can get ready for work”

You feel emotional again. “You want me to sleep over again? On my period?”

Santiago kissed your forehead. “I literally want you here all the time, no matter what, even if you’re on your period or you're sick.”

You pause, then mumble, dodging his eyes. “We can’t have sex”

Santi nods. “I know, that’s fine. We don’t have to have sex every time we see each other”

You are still unsure what to make of him. Santiago Garcia has been a mystery to you from day one, and each piece you learn only serves to further complicate him. “You want to just… hang out with me?”

Santi pulled back to look at you, concern on his face. “Of course I do. Baby I lo-” Santi stopped himself, realizing what he was about you say. He had never said I love you, he never stayed around long enough to do more than play house or hook up. He had never seen a future with anyone before you, no one mattered like you did… love was a big word, but when he saw the look on your face as he almost said it, he knew he couldn’t take the look of disappointment if he backed out. He swallowed all his nerves, and spoke again, holding both your hands. “I love you. And I don’t know what kind of guys you have been around, but I want to spend time with you with or without sex. You are just… you are everything to me.”

You face back tears on this high emotion day, and nod your head frantically, smiling. “I love you too, Santi, so much” and kissed him, feeling significantly less humiliated and significantly more infatuated with him.

Santi spent the day taking care of you, downloading instacart just to order the supplements you needed and pizza rolls you said were essential. He cuddled up next to you, rubbing your bloated tummy and pretending not to hear when you got gas, and rubbing lotion on your lower back and stomach where you cramped, bringing out the heating pad he used when his back bothered him. When you went to bed that night, thoroughly impressed that he had gotten you overnight pads AND regular, you decidedly had kept space between the two of you.

“Baby?” Santi spoke as he turned off the lights. “It’s fine if you don’t feel like cuddling but-”

“I’m trying to not bleed on you again” you blurt out

Santi grabs you, making you squeal as he pulls you towards him “If getting blood on me is what it takes to fall asleep like this every night, I won’t hesitate to choose this”

***********

[probono10]

I created a secret account so no one can find me, but here’s my story.

When I was 12, I was raped and molested by my step father. This caused me to do SH and developed an ED. I struggled with this for a long time until I had kids in high school. It didn’t last long with the recovering period. I gained a lot of weight from my starting weight at 123. I was up to 212. Lucky, I breast fed and I lost most of the weight and got down to 140. When my youngest was 10 months, I started back up again. My kids are 17 months apart, so that kind of tells you how long the briefing period was. But I started back up again.

I became so unhappy with my body, being a teenager, and having loose skin and deep stretch marks, I lost my mind. I unintentionally stopped when I thought I found the one after my divorce. My family made me get married at 16 when I was pregnant because it was a super religious household, we separated when I hit 20. At 24, my boyfriend at the time had been lying to me for years, he cheated and the girl was pregnant. He told me it was his and he left me. I was so devised. I lost myself and attempted to take everything away. I survived, after my heart stopped and the hospital resuscitated me after the OD. I willingly went to the hospital because I regretted my decision 2 days later from the pain and sickness. But it doesn’t stop here..

Close to a year later, my boyfriend and I still lived with each other. He confessed that he lied about the whole thing because he started to hate me. I still don’t believe anything he said. I had the photos of her and him together, kicker she is married. But denied any sex. Even though I cleaned show car and I found the stains in the back. To this day he won’t tell me or talk about it even though it eats me alive. During that year, I had to get an abortion because I didn’t want him to have too much pressure on him raising kid number 6. I was just so broken, and so lost myself, but faked a smile so he wouldn’t see the pain I felt every moment of my life. In that year he changed. He became nicer to me, and made me feel loved. I begged for that for months, and I was always rejected. When I stopped loving him he started to love me. It took a while before I could say I love you back.

We just started dating after asking me out that April. But it took so much to even start to forgive. I was just so broken and betrayed.

Two years later, I thought I was cleared of my ED, after fighting it through the OD and heartbreak. But I started getting sick. I thought this had to be my ED again. But it never stopped, I wasn’t vomiting myself anymore, I wasn’t starving myself anymore. I was diagnosed with gastroparesis. My stomach doesn’t work anymore, and doctors say it’s from an unknown cause. I think it’s because I’ve had Ana and Mia in my life for over 15 years now.

I can no longer eat without vomiting, and I don’t have an appetite. I have a port for the past couple of years for TPN, hydrationand medication due to not being able to hold anything in my stomach. Last year this illness put me in a coma, and it’s so hard to stay a float for myself or my family.

I feel like I’m in the same boat as I was when it took over my life. Mentally I have an eating disorder now, because my body can’t tolerate anything going in my body. I have a new outlook on relationship with food. I feel so lost and I don’t have anyone to turn to after this. Because now both illness have taken over my life. I don’t want to lose weight and I don’t want to gain it, I don’t want to be where I’m at today because I’m no longer normal. But will never be the same.

So I downloaded this app to watch from both stand points of handling eating disorders and chronic medical conditions, because now they’re a grey area. If anyone needs to talk or wants to know more, I’m an open book. I don’t have anything to hide. We all fight our own battles. We all have different stories, but we all need someone to listen and understand with no judgment attached.

[areallybadwriter]

9/24

found the will to provide an update. got inspired whilst reading through my past posts and decided it would do me some good. and jesus christ, the last couple of posts have a lot of run-ons. i need some more practice obviously.

the city is doing me quite well at the moment. i had a brief stint of absolute disdain for my everyday life when i was unemployed and still adjusting to one of the biggest life changes a human being can experience. there was this period of feeling terrible about my self (physicality-wise) which im presuming is because its a new territory full of new people - a lot more people at that. a lot more people that i shouldn't value their passerby opinions but i do anyways. im getting over it now and am starting to like myself again but boy did i slip for a minute. ive been exploring new places, whether it be food or entertainment, which has provided me a sense of understanding of this place i live in. my friend and i were actually discussing how the city still felt a little weird to reside in, still enough foreignness to give off warning signs at times. we decided we hadn't sat at enough coffeeshops by ourselves yet, or we hadn't gotten enough groceries. i try to remember what moving from my hometown to my college town felt like but i don't recall the same amount of difficulty to adjust. i think in time i will feel better about it, maybe when the weather or just the general business of this place has chewed me up and spit me out a bit. i do hope that the winter is kind.

i had this past weekend off of work so i decided to take the train to this cute lakeside town where my very best friend (who ive known since i was 15) who now lives thousands of miles away was visiting her family's cottage. the train was gorgeous and ive never felt such excitement at the chance of listening to my music, sketching a little, and sitting in my own two seater on a train taking me to the beach. i thought of it as something so valuable i think i would only take someone who i truly love on there. to show them. they kicked us off halfway through to exit the train and board a bus to resume the rest of the trip because there was construction on the tracks. that part wasn't as fun, but i quickly arrived at my destination and had a wonderful less-than-24-hours with my best friend. the cottage her family owns has been in the family for many, many years and they've kept it pretty much the same. its an untouched but well-lived part of history and i basically foam at the mouth with adoration every time im there. its all lace and florals and carved wooden floors. we had a bonfire on the beach the night i arrived and all shared barbecue chicken pizza from this place down the road. her and i split a bottle of chianti and got a little tipsy, while her family talked and laughed amongst themselves. being away from home and familiarity for awhile, it felt really good to stretch out on the beach with all of them. it really filled the void of loneliness and missing my family. we took the train back into the city the next day after we drank coffee and ate breakfast casserole on the beach as the sailboats went by. it was a gorgeous little break and im glad i got to see her at the beginning and end of her trip. we plan on me visiting her next or both of us meeting somewhere in the middle.

one of my other best friends from high school (who is in the same friend group as the girl mentioned above) had a psychotic episode this past week and is most likely in an inpatient mental facility currently. she was my roommate up until i moved to the city and she is still living in our college town, now with her little sister and another bestie from that friend group. while we lived together throughout the years, she definitely had episodes and mentally ill tendencies (honestly, we all did) and it had gotten worse in the recent years. she had finally found some good therapy and some good meds that seemed to be doing wonders for her but i believe she went off of them, thus entering another episode. she was texting complete nonsense to a few of us in an aged group chat and from what i heard, didn't recognize her own sister and ended up calling the cops on herself. i hate being far away and not being able to help more and not being more informed on the situation. i just hope that she gets the inpatient help that she's needed for quite a long time and can get to the bottom of some of these issues. i think its interesting how many of us in the friend group have had psychotic episodes. i don't think i have personally experienced an episode exactly like that but there's something to be said about people forming friend groups around shared feelings and similar mental states.

wyoming is coming to visit me in a couple weeks. we are going to a late-night concert and then hopefully hanging out for awhile the next day. he has not been to my place in the city yet, which i think he will enjoy. the last time we were in the city together it ushered in a new era of how we interacted with each other (in a very positive light imo) so i hope this trip will provide us the same. there's something to be said about neither of us knowing many places or people up here. it lacks years of memories like our hometown so we are rid of burdens and guilt we may have experienced otherwise. maybe our purest forms. ive had a couple revelations about him recently as i haven't seen him in person in awhile and can think more clearly without constant thoughts of how our last time seeing each other was or something. the latest one was that i think i like him a lot more than he likes me. it absolutely stewed the last few days and it was hard to even talk to him over the phone because i kept reminding myself of the heartbreak. we had a conversation weeks ago about being able to love things or people and how both of us were scared that we had never actually done that. talked about how maybe every relationship up until this point had felt faked at times. we both related on these things, but he never clarified whether these feelings applied to our relationship as well. for me, unsurprisingly, it has been the most genuine connection ive ever had and there's never been a need or feeling to fake anything. and i know for a fact i love him. can just tell, and honestly ive felt it from sixteen and on. its something that freaked me out years ago but so much time has wilted the panic of it all. what scares me now is the investment of care ive put into it all, and with that comes certain moments of absolute uncertainty on whether he feels the same at all (especially if we've recently had a conversation about being able to love other people or he's in one of his distant periods). i think seeing him in person and spending that amount of alone time with him will mend some things and hopefully give me insight on how to proceed with the relationship. although at the end of the day, i know he will always be around somehow.

saved this is drafts and forgot what i was going to say next so to post it goes.

xoxo anonymous

[royalsweetteaa]

Sweet red velvet

Soft!Ransom Drysdale x menstruating!reader

WARNING - the following contains: heavy menstruation, mention of period blood/cramps/pain, brief vomit episode, Ransom being a bit of an asshole — but he redeems himself, soft!Ransom, adult themes, suggestion/mention of sex, brief talk about pregnancy, angst, comfort, fluff.

Summary: You go through your period for the first time in yours and Ransom’s relationship.

“Hey, darling. I’m home.” You heard your boyfriend of 9 months calling after you as soon as he entered the house. He had been gone for about two days at Harlan’s to work on their collaboration for a book as Ransom had gained interest in writing. It was all thanks to you really, as you had encouraged him after he had shared you a few novels he had written out of boredom.

You could hear from the tone of his voice that he was very enthusiastic. You couldn’t say it was easy to match his energy however as you unfortunately had a current visit from Aunt Flo since yesterday evening. And it was terrible to say the least.

Still, you didn’t want to ruin the mood as you were internally very happy for your boyfriend’s behalf, and so you greeted him as he undressed his coat and scarf. You shared a longing hug and a quick kiss on the mouth before he began telling you how well it went cooperating with Harlan. You tried to ignore the painful cramps below your stomach as you listened in on what he had to tell you.

“— I think I impressed him with the many ideas I had. He even switched up a part of his initial story line to go along with my -! Sweetheart, are you even listening?” Ransom had to ask as he noticed you were aimlessly staring in one direction.

“Huh? Oh - yes of course, I am. You said he wanted to use some of your ideas to the book? That’s great!” You quickly said with a gleeful smile, trying your best to cover up your hazed state.

He narrowed his brow with suspicion, but he seemed convinced enough to continue his story telling.

Later, you ate dinner together and got yourselves ready for bed. You were about to take a pain killer in the bathroom before Ransom came behind you, holding you around your waist as he kissed the top of your head and had a lustful gaze you could see through the mirror.

“I’ve missed you…” He whispered huskily into your ear as his hands roamed around your body and he planted kisses on your neck that soon became rougher as he sucked the soft skin.

You knew where he wanted to go with this.

It always started with a little foreplay from Ransom before you were off to have hardcore sex in your shared bed, and you were always down for it because you loved it, and he knew you loved it.

The thought of having sex now though made you feel ill as it sounded like the least pleasant activity to do, especially with how you only wanted to rest and not have another thing stabbing inside of you.

“Ransom, I’m not in the mood…” you grumbled, and pushed him away from continuing his little attack of bruising kisses alongside your neck. He frowned at your action, not understanding what was the matter.

“What has gotten your panties in a twist, kitten? Don’t you want me to make you feel good? It’s been forever since last time…”

Forever was an exaggeration on Ransom’s part. It had only been two days since you’ve had sex, but you knew how needy he was of having sexual intimacy. While you couldn’t say you were any less needy for it, you definitely wished he could pay more attention to giving affectionate gestures as it was what you needed the most in times like this.

“I know, but now is not the right time…” you muttered, and went past him. You heard him huff out of frustration behind you, but you could only ignore it for now.

Somehow you didn’t have it in you to tell him you were on your period. You have been on birth control pills for almost a year in the duration of yours and Ransom’s relationship, but after being at the doctor’s, they recommended you to try and regulate your period for hormonal balance as the break had taken a toll on both your physical and mental state.

You were a little afraid of confessing you had started menstruating to Ransom as he was admittedly an honest man who would tell people to their face if there was something that he didn’t remotely like about them.

Surely being the grown man he is knew what a period was, and you hated that you were playing into stigmatizing having a period as it is a biological aspect of having a uterus and one should be anything but ashamed of it. Still, you were feeling too vulnerable to even risk receiving a disgusted glare from Ransom if you were to confess.

So you resolved into ignoring him. Just vaguely whenever you felt Ransom’s sexual desires were on the rise. Whenever he would come from behind you and stroke your hips while you were either preparing food or washing the dishes — which was quite frequent — you would make an excuse to remove yourself from him. Even the very first night after Ransom had returned, you went to bed early and pretended to sleep so he wouldn’t try to pursue you into having intercourse.

The end of the day after was when Ransom seemed to have had enough with your distancing and he snapped when you once again moved away when he was touching your thighs while you were on the couch watching TV.

“Okay, honestly Y/N, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you pushing me away?”

You stared at him, contemplating on what to say.

“I just need some space. I hope you can respect that the same way I always respect your need for space after a shitty family event.” You responded, not meaning to sound spiteful but you were getting annoyed by Ransom’s nagging.

He scoffed. “No need to be a bitch about it. What, you on your period or something?” He joked.

Now that hit a nerve. You were feeling borderline rage now. You rarely felt rage, but with your mood swings and on top of all the pain you’ve had to bear, you had just about enough.

Fuck it, you thought to yourself, as you stood up to make yourself taller and glared down at his sitting form.

“As a matter of fact — yes, I am on my period. And it’s been hell, Ransom. It’s my first period of the year and it’s like my uterus has been building up all the pain and is giving it to me now in one go. I’ve bled so much and I constantly feel nauseated and have physical inner pain all the time - it’s making me sick. So I’m sorry if I’m not as keen on having sex when I already have something stabbing my fucking ovaries! The last thing I need is your dick in there to add the pressure! But of course, it’s not like you’d ever understand any of it, because your only worry is wether or not you’ll get your dick wet!” You spat, and stormed out of the living room.

Ransom followed you with widened eyes as you hastily rushed upstairs. He had picked up the way your voice had cracked at the end of your sentence, and he knew he had made you deeply upset.

“Well shit…” He cursed under his breath.

You had cried yourself to sleep for the rest of the evening, and you wouldn’t notice Ransom stepping into your shared bedroom and joining you in bed when it was getting close to midnight. You were holding your pillow tight to your chest and only facing the outer side of the bed, completely shielding yourself away from Ransom’s side. When he laid down under the covers, he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, disappointed in himself that he wasn’t able to pick up on your situation earlier on.

He had never been in a relationship long enough to be with a woman who was on her period. The thought of your behavior changing due to you menstruating didn’t cross his mind once. It worried him when you were continuously backing away from his touches, and he genuinely thought you were fed up of him.

While it was a relief it wasn’t the case, he was left to feel like the biggest asshole in the world. After you had gone upstairs by your own, he decided to educate himself on periods by searching up on the internet. He was horrified when he learned about the many side effects that came with periods. Even what was considered ‘minor’ side effects sounded terrible to him.

Abdominal cramps….constipation….joint pain…

— what the actual fuck?

He felt incredibly guilty of how much you had — and still have to endure while he was waltzing around, complaining how he couldn’t do anything about his blue balls as only you could properly satisfy him.

While he was at it, he searched for things that could help you feel a little better. Ransom promised himself that he would wake up early in the morning and buy all these things to make it up to you. He wanted nothing more but to take care of the love of his life as you were in immense pain.

He stared at your sleeping form and stroked your back a few times before he turned to go to sleep as well. He didn’t want to accidentally disrupt your sleep as he had also read sleeping was a common trouble due to the menstrual cramps, and that only certain positions could help ease the pain. It made sense why you had a pillow between your thighs and one held tight to your chest.

A couple of hours later - still very early in the morning, you abruptly woke up from being hit with nausea. This time it was stronger than ever, and you immediately shot up from bed and ran to the bathroom which was right across the room. Ransom’s eyes flickered open at the sudden weight of your side lifting the bed, and he raised his head to see what was going on.

“Y/N….?” He murmured your name as he rubbed his eyes awake.

His blood ran cold when he heard the sound of gagging and fluid meeting the toilet water. He looked straight ahead and saw you were kneeling down with your face in the toilet as you were quite obviously throwing up. You didn’t even have time to close the bathroom door. He quickly climbed off the bed and rushed over to you.

“Fucking hell, are you okay? What the hell happened?” Ransom asked in full panic as he crouched down to your level.

You coughed a couple of times before wiping your mouth, and you hid your face from him in shame.

“P-Please go…I don’t want you to see me like this…” you said with a raspy voice as you broke into sobs.

Your voice alone and the way he said it broke his fucking heart.

“Breathe, darling...I’m here. I’m not leaving you in this awful condition. Fuck, is it because of your period? Should I get some cold water for you? Do you have any pain killers?” Ransom asked, a little stressed out as he caressed your back with comforting strokes.

You reluctantly nodded. “Some water would be nice, yeah….I don’t think I have any pain killers left though. I forgot to buy more.” You murmured and sniffed as tears began to stream down your eyes.

“It’s okay, I’ll buy some for you at the store. But first, I’ll go get a cold glass of water from the kitchen. You stay right here. Don’t go anywhere.” He ordered, and he marched out on his way to the kitchen. When he returned, he gave you the glass and you took careful sips as you leaned your body against the bathroom wall. Ransom sat down with you and continued to give you slow strokes on your shoulder to show support as you regained your energy.

“You scared the living shit out of me, kitten…I didn’t know it could get this bad. Should I call the doctor?” Ransom asked for reassurance.

“No, no…..this is normal. I just….need to take it easy for the day. I’m calling my workplace to let them know I’m staying at home.” You said weakly.

“Of fucking course. You aren’t going to be doing anything other than rest, kitten. I’ll take care of the shopping, you just stay at home and relax…”

Ransom took you to the couch in the living room where you rather wanted to be and gave you some blankets before he went out to get essentials. He bought a new package of pain killers and Belgium chocolate, known as the world’s best chocolate — plus another sweet surprise, just for you.

He came back as quickly as possible, relieved when he saw you were doing alright curled up in the blankets as you were watching a TV show.

“Hey, sweetheart…got those pain killers you wanted. You go take one right now, alright?” He threw the package over to you and you caught it. You swallowed the pill and drank the leftover water from your cup. Ransom returned from the kitchen with a proper serving of something.

“I bought you sweets too. Some chocolate and a red velvet cake because I thought it fit the occasion…”

Suddenly you burst out laughing, “wow, that’s creative…a cake that will remind me of the red coming out between my legs. How thoughtful.”

He rolled his eyes as he placed plates onto the table with the cake. “Shut up. Be thankful I even brought a cake. It wasn’t on my list initially.” Ransom grumbled and slouched into the couch.

You crawled over and leaned your head on his shoulder, murmuring a sweet ‘thank you’. He gestured you to seat yourself on his lap with your thighs around his waist as he wanted to hold you close.

“I’m sorry I called you a bitch and all that yesterday.…I assumed you were tired of me and that it was the reason why you didn’t want to fuck. I thought maybe you wanted to break up.”

You smiled at him and kissed his cheek. “I forgive you….and of course that was never the case, Ran. I love you despite how you much of an annoying brat you are sometimes, and I would never think of breaking up with you.”

He chuckled lightheartedly by your way of declaring your love. “I love you too, darling…wanna be like this for the rest of the week if it makes you feel better.” He purred and kissed your nose. “Why didn’t you tell me you were on your period? I would have laid off trying to seduce you and stopped bothering you right away.”

You fiddled with your fingers nervously before you said, “I guess I was worried you’d be grossed out…I mean, period blood is still blood and it’s fair to think that’s unappealing but I don’t know… — I didn’t know how you’d react.”

“Well, perhaps a time before I met you, I would have been immaturely grossed out by it. But I’ve learned a lot by having a serious relationship with the perfect woman.” He said as he lifted up your chin to meet his eyes. “You’re so fucking strong for having to deal with this for days every month. Like to me that sounds like absolute torture, and I don’t see how it’s not deserving of respect when it’s just the way Mother Nature created you.”

You felt like tearing up at that moment because you found it to be so romantic of him to say all of that. “I really appreciate that, Ransom….I really do.” You said, feeling emotional from Ransom’s care.

The sweet moment became disrupted as you felt the cramps returning, though it wasn’t as bad as before. “Uuughh, I still feel it….” You groaned.

You nuzzled closer against his body, trying to gain some warmth radiating from him. “Sometimes I feel like those pain killers aren’t doing their job because the pain is still so alive.”

He laughed at what probably wasn’t intended to be a joke and stroked your back gently. “Maybe I should put a baby in you and then you get another 9 months break from your period. How ‘bout that?” Ransom suggested with a toothy grin.

You gasped and rose your head to meet his eyes again. “ — Hugh Ransom Drysdale is suggesting of starting a family? Who are you and what have you done to Ransom?” You squeezed his cheeks together playfully.

“Hey, hey, whatever’s happened to me is because of none other than you. You’ve made me soft, kitten. Though I can’t say I mind….” He said, before his eyes darted to your lips. He wanted nothing more but to kiss them with his own. You seemed to pick up on what he wanted, and you were going to give it to him.

You shared a sweet make out session before your focus turned to the cake that was to your current craving. You concluded Ransom was the best boyfriend one could ever ask for when having a period. Surprisingly and pleasantly so.

N/A: wrote this while I’m on my period and I consider this self care.

>> Also, everything I’ve written of the reader’s experience with menstruation is based on my irl experience and idk if it’s relatable but if it isn’t to you personally, please don’t discredit my period experience as something over the top dramatic. I’ve had so many people tell me I exaggerate it when it’s not true, and it’s so disheartening to me. Keep in mind everyone experiences it differently! Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed!

Hearts & Reblogs are appreciated! <3

[queenshelby]

THE SECRET - part one of three

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Virgin!Reader

Summary: You are a new cast member, playing Tommy Shelby’s love interest. During filming, you fall for your co-star Cillian Murphy.

Words: 6,556

Warning: Smut, Age Gap

Notes: For the purpose of this fic, Cillian is single.

Tag List: @lilymurphy03 @deefigs

@chrisevanshoeeee @desperate-and-broken

@weepingstudentfishhorse  @fookingshelby  @livinginfantaxy

@atomicsoulcollecto  @datewithgianni @mariapaiva13

The Scene

You were nervous. This was your first role in a popular TV show.

You had been on small production TV shows in your home country of France. But this was different. The show had international success and you couldn’t believe that the producers of the show had chosen you for the role of 27-year-old Yvette L’mare for the series’ final Season.

You spoke fluent French and English and had experience in scenes with extensive dialogue due to your theatrical experience since you were 12.

But, you were by no means as experienced as some of the other candidates they had casted. After all, you were only 19.

You read the scripts over and over again after your successful audition and made yourself small rehearsal cards for each scene. The dialogue heavy scenes didn’t concern you. But, there were some scenes which were out of your comfort zone.

Your script included two intimate scenes with the actor who played the main character of the show, Thomas Shelby.

The first scene was simple enough, not much more than a kiss. The second scene, however, was to be filmed under closed set. Neither of you were going to be clothed in more than underpants, which meant that only the director, one assistant and the camara man would be present.

Before the audition, you watched the last two seasons of Peaky Blinders and you re-watched them just a week ago as part of your preparation and to give you an idea what the director will look for when filming these kinds of scenes.

Before that, you hadn’t paid much attention to the show.

From watching some of the series, it was obvious to you that your co-star was experienced. He portrayed Thomas Shelby impressively well which was something that made you even more nervous.

Will you live up to the standards of the director? Or will you fail miserably with these challenging scenes?

It didn’t matter. It was all too late now. You signed the Contract and were on your way to England.

You arrived a day before filming started in order to settle into your apartment.

The apartment was located within a hotel residence that was booked out for the cast for the entire period of production.

You shared a small two-bedroom apartment with another new cast member named Emma. Emma was from France as well and, ironically, portrayed your sister in the show. Emma was 24, slightly older than you and quite attractive. You immediately got along. She was focused, didn’t care much about partying and was down to earth.

For the first evening, after everyone arrived, the producers organised a dinner to introduce the new cast and crew members to everyone. This was when you first got to meet your co-star, Cillian.

Since you had several scenes together, the director of the show took the time to personally introduce you to Cillian.

Cillian greeted you with a big smile and you knew immediately why so many women were smitten by him. You recalled that, when you told friends and family about your audition, they wouldn’t stop talking about Thomas Shelby and how insanely attractive he was.

They were not wrong. But, what impressed you the most about Cillian was that he was so easy going and funny.

You talked to him for a while, about the most random topics, ignoring everyone else for at least 20 minutes until it was time for you to meet the other cast members.

‘Looks like you two have a lot to talk about?’ Anthony said jokingly.

‘Talking about wine’ you smiled, rather shyly.

‘Yeah, I got carried away talking about the wine production in the province. Did you know that Y/N’s parents own Bessiux Wines?’ Cillian asked, catching Anthony by surprise. ‘His sister got married at your parents’ estate last August’ Cillian added, causing Anthony to nod.

You talked about your parents’ winery for a little longer before Anthony asked you to meet the other cast members.

‘I am looking forward to working with you Cillian’ you said as you walked away and he responded with a smile and comforting ‘Likewise’.

After your encounter with Cillian you were introduced to Finn Cole and Natasha O’Keefe. You heard about Finn from your new roommate but only just then realised that he portrays Michael Grey.

You talked to both Finn and Natasha for a while and, whilst you enjoyed their company, you wished that you had some more time to talk to Cillian. Unfortunately for you, he left rather early that evening.

The next day, you picked up your schedule for the week and noticed that the scenes you prepared for were to be shot completely out of order.

In fact, your most intimate scene was scheduled for 10am on Day 2 of Production. You couldn’t believe it. You were by no means prepared for that.

Your first day on set went well and the director of the show complimented your work on several occasions. But, when filming was finished for the day, your nervousness sat in.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Emma asked as you were picking on your salad and looked at tomorrow’s scripts.

‘Yeah, just a bit nervous’ you sighed.

Emma looked over your shoulder to read your script.

‘Wow, they are throwing you right into the deep end’ she giggled.

‘Yes, they are’ you said with a shy smile before listening to some advice from Emma, who had more experience than you acting on screen.

That night, after reading your scripts at least ten more times and letting it play out in your head, you could not sleep and your lack of sleep was evident on set the next day.

‘Are you alright Y/N?’ Cillian asked concerned, noticing your yawning and your hands shivering slightly.

‘Yes, I am fine. I am just trying to think how to act the next scene. From reading this, it isn’t very clear to me what exactly I need to do’ you said concerned.

‘These scenes are scripted in a way to allow for improvisation. From experience, actors often fail to act these kinds of scenes directly to script, that’s why’ Cillian laughed.

‘Right, so the script is lacking the details on purpose?’ you asked.

‘Correct’ Cillian said. ‘John and Anthony will tell us what to do and in which direction to face so that you are covered. You don’t need to worry’ Cillian said reassuringly, causing you to giggle.

‘I am not worried about anyone seeing my breasts or something. I just don’t know what do, where to put my hands, my face, any of that’ you explained with total embarrassment.

‘Well, I suppose you just pretend to do what you would normally do when you are getting down to business’ Cillian said with a chuckle, not knowing how else to explain it.

‘Well, my experience in this department is limited. So, I apologise in advance for any awkwardness’ you said, your cheeks flushing even through the dense make up.

‘Y/N, these scenes are awkward even for the most experienced actors. If it gets too uncomfortable, we can postpone it, alright’ Cillian said, keeping a relaxed approach.

‘Alright. Thanks Cillian’ you said just before it was time for you to get changed into your gown.

The next time you would see Cillian was on the closed set, pretending to make love to him on the large cedar bed.

Just as you were getting undressed in the change room and put on the skin-coloured panties and robe you were given by the set assistant, you topped up your perfume.

You were going to be so close to each other, at least you wanted to smell nice.

After you were done, the set assistant applied some more lipstick and fixed up your hair before you sat down on the large bed. You were nervous, your heart pounding.

Cillian was much more relaxed sitting next to you in black Clavin Klein briefs. There was no need for a robe, his intimate parts were well covered, unlike yours.

His freckled skin was highlighted by the light which had not yet been adjusted and you couldn’t help but look at him while you made an effort to keep your small breasts covered from him at this point.

The cameraman was angling the camera while the director discussed the scene with you and Cillian.

You knew that this was going to be a disaster. The issue wasn’t so much that you were naked in front of the camera and the director, but more the fac that, as part of the scene, another man who you felt somewhat attracted to was about to see you like this, completely vulnerable. He was about to touch your naked skin and kiss you, but not out of his own accord. It felt absurd to you, yet you knew this was part of the job.

Finally, after the director gave his instructions, you got yourself into position.

With some embarrassment you handed the set assistant your robe and lied down on the bed.

You were waiting for some kind of joke from Cillian to lighten up the mood, but Cillian was very professional.

He sat down right next to you and you could tell that he was trying very hard to look away from your breasts.

Before he climbed over you to get into position, he gave you a warning. Regardless of the warning, you stopped breathing for a minute as he positioned himself on top of you.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked as he could see the nervousness on your face.

‘Yes’ you nodded, taking in a deep breath. He was so close that you could smell his skin and the scent of his aftershave.

‘Sink down a bit on the left forearm Cillian, we want to keep the rating below R18’ the director said with a laugh because your breasts were fully visible on camera.

‘We do?’ Cillian chuckled, causing you to laugh just before Cillian adjusted his position as instructed. For a short moment, his chest brushed against your left breast.

‘I am sorry’ he said politely.

‘It’s alright Cilly’ you said.

‘I think we are good now guys, I will count to three and we start the first part of the scene’ the director said.

It felt like an eternity with Cillian on top of you by the time the director called action.

In this scene, Tommy and Yvette were having sex. It was to start with a kiss followed by the obvious act.

There was no practice for a scene like this and, as soon as you heard the word action, Cillian’s lips slowly met yours. You closed your eyes and caressed his face with your hands as you let him take the lead. The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity until he pulled away from you.

His body was soon grinding against yours, but without your most intimate parts touching. He made sure of that. Regardless of this, you could feel his legs in between yours and his chest brushing against your breasts. The sensation sent shivers down your body and small little goosebumps began to cover your chest. How embarrassing you thought and, unfortunately for you, your embarrassment was evident on your face and the cut was called.

You attempted the scene again several times. You kissed over and over again and your hands moved from his face to his arms and chest, exploring his skin while his body was grinding against you.

But, this wasn’t enough for the director who picked up that the movement of your hands and the expressions on your face weren’t giving the viewers the impression that this was real. Your biggest problem was that you were attracted to Cillian and you realised this more than ever during this scene and tried very hard to hide it, making you look nervous and embarrassed.

After a few more takes, the director suggested a break.

‘I am so sorry Cillian’ you said as you sat next to him in your dressing gown.

‘Don’t be. You are doing fine. These scenes can be tricky and really shouldn’t be scheduled for the second day of filming’ he said with a warm smile before excusing himself.

He was gone for about ten minutes while you had some water and waited for further instructions from the team.

When he returned, he informed you that he agreed with the director that the scene be postponed.

‘Cillian, I can do this, really’ you said upset about the postponement.

‘I know you can, but like I said, it’s the second day of filming and it would probably be easier once we had a few more scenes together’ Cillian suggested.

‘Is that not going to be a problem with the set up?’ you asked.

‘No, the prop can stay here for another month and one of the perks of being a producer is that I get a say in this stuff’ Cillian smiled.

‘I feel like such a failure’ you said embarrassed.

‘You are not Y/N, you are doing great, really’ Cillian said, his hands touching your arms.

‘Common, time to get ready for more scenes’ he said with a warm smile and you followed him to get changed, separately of course.

Mr Matchmaker

Later that night, some of the cast members were heading to the pub for dinner and you sat down next to Natasha and Emma when you arrived.

You told Natasha and Emma about what happened on set. You were still upset about it.

‘Oh gosh, don’t worry Y/N. Cillian is very easy going and Anthony is very impressed with your scenes from the first day so you have nothing to worry about. I remember my first sex scene with Cillian and it took nine takes and a lot of laughter to get it right’ Natasha said.

‘How do you know when it’s right though? It’s extremely awkward’ you said.

‘If it looks like you are having sex then it’s right’ Natasha laughed. ‘I actually think about the man in my life and just switch off throughout the scene. So, if you have a boyfriend, think about him. That might help with the comfort level’ Natasha said.

‘I am happily single’ you said with a smile just as Cillian arrived at the table.

‘You are late’ Natasha said, noticing the frustration on his face.

‘Sorry’ Cillian said as he sat down next to you.

‘Still dramas with Nadine?’ Natasha asked, causing you to wonder who Nadine was.

‘Yes’ he responded just before he ordered himself a drink.

Throughout the conversation you learned that Nadine was Cillian’s ex-girlfriend with whom he broke up as little as six weeks ago. Him and Nadine were together for three years and shared a house in Dublin until recently.

Your group was soon joined by some more cast members, including Finn Cole and everyone seemed in a pretty good mood.

You talked to Finn for a while until you excused yourself to get another drink.  

As you walked to the bar, you noticed Cillian following you and engaged in a conversation with him.

‘Just in case you haven’t noticed, Finn seems to like you’ Cillian said as he stood next to you at the bar.

‘Oh, what makes you say that?’ you asked.

‘I just know. My matchmaking abilities are impeccable’ he joked.

Whilst you felt flattered, you weren’t interested in Finn and little did Cillian know that he was the one you had your eye on.

‘Really?’ you asked.

‘Yes, really. You should probably consider him. He is a nice guy, down to earth, good looking, the right age’ Cillian said cheekily.

‘I have my eyes on someone else Cillian, but thank you for your efforts’ you said with slight embarrassment and a hint of humour.

‘Now I am intrigued. Who is it? Someone on set?’ Cillian asked.

‘None of your business Mr Matchmaker’ you laughed.

‘Well, if you ever require my services, you know where to find me’ Cillian said, causing you to raise your eyebrows.

‘Services as in setting you up with someone from the crew, discreetly of course’ Cillian laughed, realising that his comment may have been received by you in the wrong way.

‘Right, you got me excited there for a moment’ you said jokingly.

‘Did I?’ Cillian joked. ‘Now that makes me feel good at my age’ Cillian added.

You knew how old he was. You googled him, just before you came to the pub, because you were curious about him, his background, things he doesn’t talk about. But, to your surprise, the fact that he was nearing 45, didn’t bother you the slightest and it certainly didn’t dampen the attraction you felt towards him.

You also knew that, being 19 years old, you would have no chance with him. He wasn’t the type of actor who was chasing young models like many other celebrities his age.

You and Cillian talked and joked for another 20 minutes before he excused himself. He had a busy day filming ahead of him and needed to get some rest.

Over the next few days, Cillian and you had several scenes together and spent some of your breaks together. You enjoyed his company and he clearly also enjoyed yours.

On Day 9 of Production, you even went as far and asked Cillian whether he wanted to watch the Liverpool game with you and Emma.

He accepted your invitation and you were quite excited. Emma was confused as to why you invited him over but didn’t think much about it until there was a knock on the door and she opened it.

To both of your surprise, Cillian had invited Finn along. Was he really so oblivious to the fact that you were attracted to him that he had to bring a sidekick, you thought?

The evening went rather slow and with you sitting in between Finn and Emma, you felt somewhat uncomfortable.

The next day, on Day 10 of Production, you had another somewhat intimate scene with Cillian. It wasn’t more than a kiss and some touching. Regardless, you were nervous but not nervous enough to first ask him why he invited Finn.

‘He invited himself when I told him about it’ Cillian chuckled. ‘I told you, he likes you’ he added.

‘That’s just great because now Emma thinks that I have a thing for him’ you said laughing.

‘These Rumours. You got to love them. Sometimes I seriously feel like I am back at school working here’ Cillian laughed.

This conversation led to an interesting question from Cillian. After you had time to talk about your days at school, he brought up your upcoming birthday. You seemed to have referred to school as a recent event, so he couldn’t help but ask how old you were turning.

‘I am turning 20’ you responded, causing Cillian to look at you almost like he had seen a ghost.

‘You are 19?’ he asked.

‘You seem surprised. How old did you think I was?’ you asked.

‘Not sure, mid or late twenties maybe?’ Cillian said just as the set assistant called you both to the scene.

Your nervousness set back in as you took your position in Thomas Shelby’s office.

The scene started of with a dialogue between Thomas Shelby and Yvette which went smoothly, as expected. The next part of the scene involved Thomas lifting Yvette onto his desk and kiss her passionately while running his hands over the back of her body.

The first attempt resulted in Cillian and you both laughing as he lifted you up. It was awkward and it didn’t help that you were ticklish.

The next take went smoothly. Cillian lifted you on to the desk gently before his hands ran down your back while he kissed you. Your hands caressed his face as he did and the director had to call the cut on the kiss.

You enjoyed it, and to his surprise, so did Cillian. He felt uncomfortable about enjoying kissing you or even spending time with you outside of work. Not only were you a co-worker but you were also much younger than him.

A sense of guilt ran through his mind right after the scene now that he knew your age. Kissing you shouldn’t feel good, it was wrong.

The director was happy with the scene and you hopped back off the table before asking Cillian whether he wanted to have lunch with you.

Little did you know that your lunch date was going to be your last with him for while as Cillian was trying hard to keep his distance from you thereafter.

Birthday Surprise

But this all changed another week later, on your birthday, which was Day 17 of Production.

By that point, filming was getting to you and you were tired and, therefore, declined the offer from Natasha to organise a birthday party for you.

Instead, you and some of the crew and cast went for dinner at a nearby restaurant.

The food was amazing and you spent two hours at the restaurant after a rather long day of filming. By about 8.30pm half of the crew and cast had left and it was only you, Cillian, Emma, Sam and Finn who stayed.

Finn was going to meet some friends at a nearby pub at 9pm and invited you all to join him. Whilst Emma and Sam agreed, you and Cillian weren’t keen and made your way back to the apartment complex.

‘Would you like a glass of wine?’ you blurted out all of a sudden just as you were both getting into the elevator. This question took all of your courage after Cillian had been avoiding to spend time with you.

‘I think the hotel bar is closed already’ Cillian said.

‘Well, as it happens, I am holding a bottle of red wine in my hand’ you said cheekily holding up the birthday present from Natasha.

‘I am not sure Y/N, we have to be up early’ Cillian said.

‘Common, it’s my birthday’ you said convincingly, causing Cillian to laugh.

‘Alright, I suppose why not’ Cillian said as followed you down the hallway.

‘Your place. Emma is determined to pick up a date at the pub’ you laughed.

‘Yeah, I don’t want to be there for that’ Cillian joked as you walked further down the hallway. Your apartments were on the same floor.

You walked into Cillian’s apartment and took off your jacket before sitting down on the small lounge.

Just after Cillian poured two glasses of red wine and sat down next to you, his phone rang.

The display showed ‘Incoming Call from Nadine’ and he turned his phone to silent.

‘You should let me pick it up, it might solve all your problems’ you joked.

‘It just might’ Cillian laughed as he pressed the ‘Ignore’ button and put the phone down.

Just after the short interruption, Cillian and you began to talk about your work, travelling and some other things until he brought up an uncomfortable topic.

‘Do you remember two weeks ago when I tried to talk you into going out with Finn?’ Cillian asked.

‘Yes, Mr Matchmaker, I remember. Why?’ you said.

‘You said that you had your eyes on someone else…who is it?’ Cillian asked with a laugh, causing you to take a deep breath.

‘Oh god, are you still going on with this?’ you said with a laugh. This was the fourth time Cillian had asked you this question since you mentioned it to him.

‘Common, I have been pondering about this for weeks now. Tell me’ Cillian said.

‘No’ you giggled.

‘I promise I won’t tell anyone’ Cillian said.

‘Stop it’ you responded.

‘Alright, I will take a guess’ Cillian said before taking a pause. ‘Harry?’ Cillian asked, causing you to shake your head.

‘Daryl?’ he asked, causing you to shake your head again.

‘I don’t know then. That’s literally everyone who is around your age’ Cillian laughed.

‘Who said he’s around my age?’ you asked, causing Cillian to raise his eyebrow.

‘Paul?’ he then asked, causing you to shake your head again. Was he really that oblivious?

‘Everyone else is married, I think’ Cillian said.

‘You are not’ you said shyly after taking in a deep breath.

‘Me?’ he asked after taking a deep breath while his blue eyes looked at you, full of questions.

Your heart was pounding, your hand shaking again. There was no turning back now.

‘Yes, you’ you said nervously, looking at him almost fearful about his response.

He drew another deep breath while, in his mind, he was thinking about what to say.

‘Y/N, I feel humbled and it’s not that you aren’t a beautiful and smart woman, but I am more than twice your age’ he said.

‘Ignore the age difference for a minute and tell me that you don’t feel the same, that you don’t want me’ you said.

‘It is irrelevant what I feel and what I want, it still doesn’t make it right’ he responded.

‘But, are you attracted to me? It’s a simple question’ you asked nervously and, after drawing another deep breath, Cillian responded.

‘I’ve been trying very hard not to be...unsuccessfully so’ he sighed, causing you to smile.

‘Alright’ you said with the biggest grin on your face.

‘Alright?’ Cillian asked surprised by your response. This didn’t mean that he was going to give into you just like this and ignore his concerns, or did it?

‘So, what do you propose we do now? This will make things very awkward on set’ he said concerned.  

‘This’ you said as you leaned in and pressed your lips onto his. His lips were just as soft as the last time you kissed on set, but this time there was an intensity and urgency between you.

He gave into the kiss as if there had never been any doubt and, unlike previous kisses you shared in a professional capacity, this time, when his lips parted, you could feel his tongue slip in between your lips and it wasn’t long until your tongues moved in sync with each other.

The kiss lasted for what felt like an eternity and you wanted so much more than taste his lips.

‘This is wrong Y/N’ Cillian said as your lips finally drifted apart.

‘Do you want me to leave?’ you asked, caressing his face, staring at all of the freckles which covered him.

‘No’ he said, earning him a smile from you just as he reached beneath your shirt and pressed his lips back onto yours.

His warm hands ran over the sides of your abdomen, up and down, until he lifted your t-shirt over your head.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t seen you like this before, but it felt different. His eyes didn’t have to shy away from your breasts and the rest of your body this time.

With his hands cupping your breasts, which were still covered by your black lace bra, the kiss intensified. It became more urgent and more passionate.

Your hands soon found their way beneath Cillian’s t-shirt also and, this time, touching his skin didn’t feel awkward or inappropriate.

Within seconds, his t-shirt landed on the floor next to yours just before Cillian’s fingers had found the clip of your bra.

It didn’t take his skilled fingers long to unclip it and let it join the rest of the clothes which you had already gotten rid of.

He took a moment to look at your breasts, right there in front of him yet again.

‘What’s wrong?’ you asked concerned as you noticed him stare at them.

‘Nothing, just taking in the beautiful view without feeling guilty about it’ Cillian smirked.

‘You checked out my breasts when we were filming, didn’t you?’ you said sheepishly.

‘Of course not’ he said with a laugh before he guided you backwards and down onto your bed.

You both were quick to remove your jeans and, moments later, there you were again, on the bed together wearing nothing but underpants. Just this time, there were no cameras. You were free to touch and kiss each other the way you pleased. It didn’t feel awkward. To the contrary. It felt right.

Hoovering over you again Cillian began to gently kiss your neck while one of his hands ran over your firm breasts. Finally, he was able to touch them, feel every inch of them.

Cillian soon worked his way to the lobe of your ear, playing with it using his tongue. Lightly sucking on it as his hand moved to your other breast, squeezing your nipple gently.

You didn't want this to end, and with a soft moan, you signaled Cillian to continue exploring your body. And so he did. You had never been with a man before, but in the moment, this felt comfortable, felt right.

As he continued to cast his spell on you and work his magic, your body responded. Your lace panties were soaking and your muscles began to vibrate with an unfamiliar feeling.

As Cillian’s lips moved back to your mouth for another passionate kiss, one of his hands wandered further down your body. But he was in no hurry, taking his time explore all of your body.

Cillian’s tongue began to gently drift between your lips and you responded with yours. Your arms wrapped around him, pulling him even closer to you as his hand reached the top of your lace panties.

Pushing your panties aside slightly, he ran his fingers over your wet entrance, slowly and gently while his lips never left yours.

You moaned into the kiss just as the tip of one of his fingers dipped into you slightly.

You took in a deep breath and broke the kiss for a brief moment.

‘Cillian, I never had sex with anyone’ you said, causing him to remove his hand from your wet mound.

‘It’s alright. We won’t go that far until you are ready’ he said reassuringly.

‘That’s so embarrassing, I am sorry’ you said.

‘What is?’ Cillian asked, slightly confused.

‘I am 20, it’s weird don’t you think?’ you said shyly, your face flushed.

‘Don’t be silly Y/N. There is no rush’ Cillian said as he ran his hand over your cheek. ‘If it is any consolation to you, I didn’t expect any of this, tonight, with you and I am enjoying every moment of it even if we don’t have sex’ he added.

‘So am I Cillian’ you smiled.

‘Good’ Cillian said before kissing you again gently.

The kiss soon became heated again but Cillian wasn’t taking it further, giving you the chance to set the pace at which you were willing to move.

But, you enjoyed him playing with you, teasing your most intimate parts and, after several more minutes of passionate kisses, you guided his hand back in between your legs.

Your actions earned you a chuckle from him as his lips moved from your lips down to your breasts slowly.

As Cillian was gently trailing kisses over your breasts, your hand made it’s way in between your bodies where it found the elastic of his Calvin Klein briefs.

Cillian moaned briefly against your breasts as you slipped your hand beneath the elastic, gently taking hold of his erection.

His cock was warm and firm and his tip slightly lubricated from the precum that had pooled there.

You moved your hand up and down his shaft, stroking him gently while his fingers began to circle over your clit, making you moan loudly.

Your panties were getting wetter and wetter with each stroke of his fingers and you were grinding against his hand, wanting more.

You were panting and moaning in pleasure as he kept stimulating you with his fingers, until, all of a sudden, me removed his hand making you squirm in protest.

His mouth soon wandered from your breasts down to your stomach, forcing you to let go of his hard cock.

But, as your body responded beneath his, your mind couldn't catch up to the events unfolding between the two of you.

You surrendered and let him take control and it wasn’t long until his lips had reached the top of your panties.

‘Oh god’ you moaned in anticipation just as Cillian took hold of both sides of your panties before slipping them down.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ he asked, unsure about your reaction.

‘No, please don’t’ you said, your hands falling onto the top of your head.

Admiring the view, Cillian let his fingers run up and down your slit slowly and gently, taking the juices leaking from it and spreading them up to the hood over your clit.

You moaned loudly at the sensation as, suddenly, you could feel Cillian’s tongue join his fingers, playfully darting closer to your opening, but not quite getting there.

‘Cillian, fuck’ you moaned as energy was coursing through your body, wanting to release, but not quite getting there. He apparently had received a masters degree in how to play your body.

Suddenly his tongue was there, licking up the sides of each of your lips. Inspecting the crevices.

Your head began to thrash, your hands flew out and grabbed the bedding.

‘Let me know if I hurt you’ was the next thing you heard but didn’t pay much attention to as you felt one of his fingers enter you.

With the mildest of discomfort, you arched your back while moan after moan left your mouth.

For several minutes, his finger went in and out of you gently while his tongue was licking you, circling over your clit.

He wasn’t sure whether or not to add another finger, but he decided to try his luck after reminding you to tell him if he hurts you in any way.

Moments later, he inserted a second finger while continuing to circle your clit with his tongue.

‘Oh fuck’ you moaned. There was a slight discomfort but it didn’t last very long before you felt nothing but pure pleasure.

Cillian’s fingers began rubbing inside of you as he placed his mouth around the hood of your clit and began to suck.

‘Holy Shit Cillian’ you moaned. You could feel him smile against your mound.

You began to squirm but he would not let up and your body began its final ascent.

Waves of electricity were crashing through you and your hips were grinding and bucking under his direct tutelage as your orgasm washed over you.

You were a shaking mess by the time he was done and, when you finally came down from your high, Cillian moved up and gave you a passionate kiss.

You could taste your juices on his lips and it was possibly the most erotic moment you had ever experienced.

‘Your turn’ you smirked before pushing Cillian onto his back against the stash of pillows.

You comment caused Cillian to chuckle just before you leaned over him to kiss him.

‘You know you don’t have to Y/N. There is no rush’ he said, running his hand over your cheek as your lips drifted apart.

‘But I want to’ you said with determination. ‘I might just need a little guidance’ you said shyly before descending down on his body, trailing gentle kisses over his chest and all the way down to his stomach.

You adored his body, it was perfect. He was the most attractive man you ever met.

As you were gently kissing his stomach, your hands moved beneath the rim of his briefs before pulling them down.

His erection sprung up almost instantly as soon as the briefs cam down and you couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment.

‘I think I will just go for it and you tell me if I do something wrong’ you said with a smile as you pinned back your hair into a bun with the hairband that was wrapped around your wrist.

Your comment made Cillian laugh for a moment until he could feel your warm lips on the tip of his cock, at which point the word ‘fuck’ was all that left his mouth.

Moans soon began to escape him as you used your hands to stroke him, up and down, while the head of his cock lolled uneasily on the top of your tongue.

You took him deeper into your mouth with every stroke and, as the third inch made its way into your mouth, your lips were being stretched.

You soon managed to take him in all the way, although it was a struggle.

‘Fuck, Y/N’ Cillian moaned as his length disappeared in your mouth.

His comment made you stop and ask whether something was wrong.

‘No, you are doing it perfectly’ Cillian reassured you just before you returned your attention to his very hard cock.

By this time precum had pooled on the tip as you took him back into your mouth. It tasted sweet but yet salty at the same time.

Your tongue began circling around him and then up and down his shaft before returning to the bopping motions.

Cillian leaned back and relaxed as you improved your technique minute by minute.

Each stroke of your tongue was now driving him crazy.

Looking up at him occasionally, you could see that he was enjoying whatever you were doing.

Your tongue was moving like a snake, coating every inch of his velvety soft, yet hard cock with a fine patina of sweet, warm saliva.

It wasn’t long until you could feel Cillian’s cock throb inside your mouth and his breathing was becoming laboured.

His hand was tangled up inside your hair as you continued to bop your head up and down firmly.

‘Y/N, I am close, you might want to stop’ Cillian said, trying hard to hold back.

‘Come in my mouth’ you said confidently before you continued your movements.

Your comment caught Cillian by surprise but he didn’t dare to argue and let go.

Just as your mouth bopped down on his hard shaft again, you could feel him pulsate inside your mouth and, with one loud groan, his warm cum spurted on the back of your tongue.

You continued to bop your head and collect all of his cum until he began to relax.

‘Did you just?’ Cillian asked, and before he could finish his question, you interrupted.

‘Swallow? Yes, what else do you normally do with it?’ you asked with a smirk.

‘I hate sleeping on dirty sheets and I was planning to stay the night, so that seemed like the best option’ you laughed before laid beside Cillian, his arms gently wrapping around you.

‘Hey, I am not complaining’ he laughed as he ran his hands gently over your arms.

‘Didn’t think so’ you said before kissing him again gently.

You fell asleep pretty soon afterwards, curled up against Cillian’s chest.

You both slept well and deep until, at 6am, Cillian’s alarm went off.

‘Oh goddam, what’s the time?’ you asked.

‘6am, why?’ Cillian said as you jumped out of the bed and collected your clothes, trying to put them on as quickly as you can.

‘Y/N, we don’t have a scene until 7am. There is plenty of time’ he said.

‘Yes, but Emma starts at 6.30am. She will notice me not being there’ you explained.

[i-am-distressed]

The one that (almost) got away

Character: Noritoshi Kamo x reader

Warnings: MILDLY SUGGESTIVE THEMES, not really cause I don’t write NSFW, but I did put a lil spice for tension and plot reasons, it’s really more just mentions of making out, fighting/sparring, mentions of injuries, exes to enemies to lovers, both parties being mean, Exchange Event Arc spoilers!!, I wrote this on a whim and very early in the morning, LONG

“Hey, L/n, you’re participating this year too? I thought the 3rd years were suspended?” You sighed as Maki’s face held her questioning gaze. “Well, since they did whatever it is that got them suspended while I was elsewhere on a mission, I got left out of the punishment. I’m here for the exchange event if you’ll have me.” The second years nodded, Maki and Panda giving you high fives while Inumaki gave you a thumbs up and a ‘salmon!’ Fushiguro giving you a little bow that you returned.

You, Y/n L/n, are a 3rd year student at Tokyo Jujutsu High, you’re also a semi-first grade sorcerer. You yourself didn’t come from an impressive lineage, but your cursed technique was nothing short of useful, and you had become a master at using it.

You briefed Fushiguro on your technique and you all decided which group you would be fighting in (it was decided you’d join Fushiguro and Maki) while you waited for the other school to show up. Not long after you came, Nobara arrived, and as she had her scuffle with Panda, Mai’s voice cut through the air. “You guys actually came to greet us? How lame.” You turned to see the rest of the Kyoto Jujutsu High second and third years walked up the stone staircase, naturally filing into a sort of line that stood parallel to your own group, you finding yourself towards the back.

“Hello, Y/n. It’s been awhile.” You felt your face heat up at his voice, you sucking in a quick breath before plastering a fake smile on your face, “Hello, Noritoshi.” Maki’s eyebrow raised as she looked between you and the Kyoto 3rd year, and it didn’t take a genius to see that there was an obvious tension between the two of you, she just had no clue what. “Do you two know each other?” Your gaze never left Noritoshi’s, his dark gray gaze never leaving yours as you found yourselves in the middle of an intense stare down. “We’re acquainted.” You watched as Noritoshi huffed, to most it would’ve been a trivial gesture, a simple sign of irritation. But you knew much better than that, you knew him much better than that. “Quite well, isn’t that right, Y/n?” You narrowed your eyes at the tone he used, he was testing you, you knew that, and you knew exactly what he was referring to.

Before you could respond, Gojo came barreling in, with a...box? He stopped between the two groups of students. Seeing as how you were ignoring the young clan head and he kept stealing glances at you, Gojo knew you two had interacted, and by the puzzled look he saw on Maki’s face, he figured it had gone poorly. ‘Poor kids...these stupid higher ups just don’t know when to quit..c’mon guys, I know you’re both smarter than this..’ Frowning for a moment Gojo shook it off, as a teacher and a passionate one at that, seeing his student (and someone he’s known for a fair amount of years) obviously suffering really rubbed him the wrong way but...there was nothing he could do. They’d have to fix it themselves.

After the...surprise of Yuji Itadori A.K.A Sukuna’s Vessel being alive was revealed, Y/n took a glance over to Noritoshi, seeing the obvious surprise on his face, she knew he was with the higher ups on this one, that Itadori shouldn’t be alive, that he shouldn’t count as a real person. It stung how much he had changed in a short period of time, and it stung even more knowing he was far too stubborn to listen to anything you had to say. Which, now that you think of it, isn’t all that different from you declining his calls..

You groaned as you splashed the cold water on your face. Shortly after the reveal of Itadori, the two schools had a good 3 hours of free time before the event, some students used it to train, others to socialize. You had already determined your role with the others, so while they sorted things out with Itadori you took your leave to the bathrooms to have some peace and quiet, and to try and snap yourself out of the headspace seeing Noritoshi had put you in. Getting a bunch of paper towels you thoroughly dried your face off, taking a deep breath before walking out of the bathroom and into the hall, but the minute you exited the bathroom you were met with none other than the man of the hour himself, Noritoshi Kamo.

You attempted to walk past him, go back to the room where your classmates were and avoid a confrontation all together. But before you could get far, Noritoshi had grasped hold of your forearm, forcing you to turn to face him before he (albeit reluctantly) let your arm go as his own returned to his side. “We should talk, we haven’t spoken since the fight and it’s clearly not doing either of us any good.” You crossed your arms over your chest, more out of unease rather than out of sassiness. “Is there anything to talk about? I thought we made it clear how we both felt the last time we talked.” Noritoshi frowned, leaning against the opposite wall as his arms mirrored yours as they crossed over his chest.

It was silent between you two, neither one knowing exactly what to say, it was funny really. You both have spent the last 3 months wanting nothing more than to talk things through, but now that the opportunity is here neither one of you have the courage to say the thoughts that have been plaguing both of your minds. “I just- I don’t know what you want me to say...you know how I feel about..everything..you know why I feel that way. And there’s nothing we can do about it anyways.” Noritoshi wanted to correct you, tell you that you were wrong, that there was something you both could do to get around the pressure of the higher ups, but there really wasn’t.

Well, there was, but that was out of the question. He couldn’t just up and tell his family they were wrong and he disagreed with them, not now anyway. 3 months ago, Y/n and Noritoshi’s relationship was very different. At the beginning of their second years, they had both been placed for promotion to semi-first grade, and to solidify their ranks they would be ‘interning’ with a grade 1. Usually they would do their ‘internships’ separately, since they were a fair amount of distance apart, but when the summer came both of them were sent to a sort of summer training camp to train together under the same roof.

Despite being different in personality and different in background, the two got along really well, and somewhere between exorcising curses through the day and training together at night, the two found themselves growing feelings for the other. And after a specific practice when one of them let a confession slip from their lips, the two found themselves becoming the Romeo and Juliet of the Jujutsu world. They started dating, dating in secret because neither of their families would be thrilled about it. Even after summer ended and the two returned to their respective schools, they kept their relationship intact.

They’d make trips to meet half way between Kyoto and Tokyo, one would drop in on the other if their mission was nearby, and they kept in constant contact. And they had managed to keep it a secret, neither one telling anyone about it and keeping their affections private and out of the watching eyes of the higher ups and other sorcerers. All was going well, until a certain first year student by the name of ‘Yuji Itadori’ became Sukuna’s vessel, and you and Noritoshi found yourselves on very different sides of the argument.

“I just don’t see why you can’t understand this Y/n, he’s dangerous. Sukuna’s vessel needs to be taken care of, how can you not agree with this?!” Your hands came up to rub at your eyes, you sighing with frustration before returning your hands to your hips. You and your boyfriend, Noritoshi, had been arguing for almost half an hour. You had been in a meeting with your teachers, Gojo and Utahime, when Gojo brought up his new student Itadori, and the power and potential Itadori held. You, after hearing he could control Sukuna, was all for Itadori joining Jujutsu High. I mean, Gojo would be watching over him, and his situation really wasn’t all that different from Yuta’s. But Noritoshi didn’t agree, he saw it as the higher ups saw it, he saw it as his family wanted him to see it. That’s what started the argument.

“What is there to understand about wanting him dead! He’s 15!” You two stood across from each other, both of you were breathing heavily, and your emotions were running wild. You didn’t want to fight, you didn’t want to damage your relationship, but with how sure both of you were in your decisions on where you stood, it was clear you weren’t reaching a compromise, not this time. He was frustrated because you weren’t looking at it objectively, you were upset because he was acting like the higher ups. And neither of you was willing to back down from your convictions, both of you being just a little too stubborn to put this disagreement to rest and move on.

“Then what does that mean for us? It’s clear we’re not reaching any sort of agreement, why can’t you just accept this when you clearly don’t know what’s best.” You shook your head in disbelief, a bitter chuckle cutting through as a few tears had begun to fall. “Good question Noritoshi, Are you going to ask your family what to decide on this one too?” Too far, you knew you had crossed a line, you knew his family was a touchy subject, but rationality had been thrown out awhile ago. His lips pursed in a straight line, his steel eyes narrowed and his gaze became cold, “I don’t have to confide in them, I think we both know what’s best for both of us.” It went silent, you were crying and he was seething, there was no rational thinking, you both were acting out of emotion and quite frankly not like yourselves. You shakily sighed, wiping the tears that had fallen while you shook your head, “...fine...goodbye Noritoshi..we should’ve known it wouldn’t work.” With that, you turned around and left, both of you wishing you had stayed and fixed it.

In the end, a petty argument was what ultimately drove the two of you apart. A stupid argument neither one of you were personally involved in, but the politics and ideals behind it were what drove you both to your wits end. You weren’t even mad at Noritoshi, you were more upset that you both let some stupid conflict be the reason you two broke up! I mean, words were said on both sides, but you were both rational people, you knew neither one of you meant it. And you both really just missed each other on top of all of that.

But like I said, it was a messy situation, and in order to make any progress, you’d both have to let go of your pride first and foremost. And as of right now, neither one of you really wanted to do that. Your stare down was interrupted by the sounds of Miwa and Mechamaru walking down the hallway, you both looking away from each other when the two second years rounded the corner. “Oh, L/n, Kamo! I was looking for you both, but if we’re interrupting, we can always come back later…” As they spoke, you both watched as a few more of the first and second years rounded the corner. “It’s fine,” Noritoshi briefly looked at you as he spoke, a silent ‘we’ll finish this later’ to which you covertly rolled your eyes before turning to your underclassmen with a smile. “We were finished talking anyways, what do you need?”

Miwa looked to you both, “Me and a few others wanted to get stronger with weapons we don’t usually use, me and Kugisaki wanted to try a bo staff so we asked Mai’s older sister but she said to ask you two, since you trained a lot together using them.” Your eyes widened as you stole a brief glance at Noritoshi before returning your gaze to the younger students. “So, if you don’t mind, could we observe a sparring session? Maybe get some pointers on how we can improve?”

“I don’t see why not, that is unless Kamo has a problem with it?” His eyebrow twitched at how you said his name, becoming that more irritated since he knew you knew it ticked him off. Nonetheless, he never was one to turn down a challenge, and especially not when you were the one really putting it up to him. “Don’t complain too much when you lose, L/n.”

And that’s how you found yourself in a man made ring in one of the training rooms, most of the underclassmen sitting on the sidelines as the two of you got into your stances, both of you trying not to acknowledge just how nice and nostalgic it felt to be in that position again. Panda acted as ref, reminding you and Noritoshi of the ‘rules’ before stepping back and yelling ‘start!’ Noritoshi attacked first, you blocking him and ducking to move to the side. You charged him next, him barely getting out of the way in time before spinning around and hitting you right on your backside, smirking when he saw how your jaw dropped before you spun around and caught him in his side.

“That’s pretty unbefitting behavior for the future Kamo Clan head, don’t you think?” He scoffed, and at this point the tension between you two had gotten so obvious even the most clueless were starting to get an inkling as to how exactly you two had known each other beforehand, and why you weren’t friendly to each other. “Ghosting me and blocking my number wasn’t exactly proper either.” You jumped just in time to avoid him sweeping your legs out from under you, but you weren’t expecting him to then use his staff to knock yours out of your hands. Not one to give up, you kept sparring without the staff, both of you slowly becoming oblivious to the watching eyes that were still very much engaged watching this all go down.

You narrowed your eyes at his last comment, and you used your legs to first kick his staff out of the way, and second to sweep his legs out from under him and straddle his middle. You both sat there, breathing heavily as you looked at each other intensely. In a low voice, not quite a whisper, but not too loud either, Noritoshi spoke. “Well this is new, I recall the last time we were in this position, our roles were reversed. Can’t say i’m complaining.” You felt your eyes widen as your cheeks heated, leaving you vulnerable to him flipping you over and aiming the staff at your neck.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “I specifically remember you telling me off for using underhanded tactics, a little hypocritical don’t you think?” Noritoshi feined a look of innocence, setting the staff to the side as he stood, “I don’t know what you could be referring to, I was talking about our sparring sessions, don’t tell me you were thinking of something else?” You hated how fast your heart started beating, you trying to hide how flustered you were by standing up only to freeze when you remembered why you two were sparring in the first place..and that your underclassmen had just saw and heard that all happen.

“Okay~ well as much as I love a good old enemies to lovers, we’ve got about 30 minutes until the event so both schools need to split up and talk tactics!” You and Noritoshi both tensed up at the voice of Gojo standing in the doorway, Panda and Mai both respectfully snickering at the two of you as you both went your separate ways.

It was time for the event, both sides had taken the time to strategize and figure out how they would work together to win. You would be going with Maki and Megumi when the group split, which was fine with you. You may have been a semi-first grade, but you weren’t keen on fighting Todo one-on-one. After Gojo had embarrassed poor Utahime, the buzzer sounded, signaling the start of the event.

When the group was interrupted by the arrival of Todo, you ran off with Maki and Megumi as planned. You jumped backwards when Miwa took on Maki, eyes widening when you saw Megumi get stopped by Noritoshi. “I’ll be fine, you go help Megumi.” You nodded as you ran ahead, only to be stopped by a grade 2 cursed spirit. It wasn’t super powerful, but it most certainly wasn’t weak either. You took a glance ahead of you to see Megumi and Noritoshi fighting, you grimaced, knowing his intentions behind going after Megumi were no doubt clan-influenced. Shaking your head free of distractions, you focused your efforts on taking down this pesky cursed spirit.

Unsurprisingly, your weapon of choice was a bo staff, you had found yourself falling in love with it (amongst other things) during the summer you and Noritoshi had spent together. Using a mix of strength and cursed energy you knocked the cursed spirit a fair amount of distance away from you, using the time the spirit took to charge you to cover your staff in cursed energy. And with one final swing you had successfully exorcised the curse. Unfortunately, the four that were fighting had all gone off to fight other places. Bringing your staff to your shoulder you continued to walk through the woods, searching for cursed spirits as well as your fellow classmates. You hadn’t gotten too far when you noticed the sky had started to get darker, your eyes narrowed as you looked up, watching as what you guessed was a veil slowly started to cover the sky. You continued walking, feeling a sick feeling in your stomach start to form which was only amplified by the yellow hue that coated your surroundings.

You continued walking along what seemed to be a path when ‘isn’t that Miwa…?’ you picked up your pace, and after finding out that, she’s just sleeping, you picked her up and carried her on your back, keeping on your so called path while you continued your search for others. Not long after that you ran into Mai and Nobara, who were unfortunately as clueless as you were. Continuing on you all managed to stumble upon Utahime, who was about to face off with some...guy? Thankfully the veil dropped, and the 5 of you were able to get back with the others.

You were now walking down to the infirmary with a still unconscious Miwa sleeping while you piggybacked her to Shoko. “Hey, have room for one more? We’re pretty sure she’s just sleeping but, Utahime wanted to be sure.” Shoko sighed as she nodded, leading you to the room where the medical beds were. “You can set her down on one of these.” You nodded and carefully setting her down and getting her situated. After Shoko did a quick check and yes, she was just sleeping, you walked back out to the main part. “Uhm, who else got hurt?” Shoko looked to you, “Well, Fushiguro got hit with some kind of bud but I was able to remove it, Maki got impaled in her shoulder but it didn’t do any lasting damage, Inumaki went over his limit, and Kamo hit his head really hard, there was some minor fracturing but he should be okay.” You already felt nauseous hearing about your classmates and friends, but hearing about the man you were still very much in love with included in that group made it all so much worse.

You gulped, hands shaking as you took in a shaky breath. “Is- is he- are they okay?” She gave you a sad smile, nodding as she picked up her clip board. “They’ll be okay, he’ll be okay. If you want I can tell you when he wakes up?” You nodded, showing your nervousness with how quickly you responded. “Y-yes please.”

And that’s how you found yourself sitting in one of the chairs waiting outside the room Noritoshi had been put in after his surgery, heart racing as your mind went through the ‘what ifs’ and ‘why didn’t you’s’. Dread consumed you as you thought of the worst case scenarios. Realistically you knew he wasn’t going to die, he had a minor concussion and a few broken bones, but he was going to make a full recovery. But it was the unrealistic part of you that was in control right now. The part of you who was berating yourself for never picking up his calls, the part of you who was yelling at yourself for ever walking away from him, the part of yourself that hated how things ended between you and Noritoshi. The part of yourself that knew just how in love with him you still were.

“Y/n? He’s awake. You can go in now.” You sniffed, wiping the tears that had fallen before standing up, thanking Shoko as you entered the dimly lit room. You crossed your arms over your chest as your heart raced and you felt your breathing get labored. You had spent the past 4 hours wanting nothing more than to see him, but now that you were walking towards him, your legs itched to turn around and run back to your room. But thankfully for both of you, that unrealistic part of you was still very much in control. You walked further into the room when you saw Noritoshi, sitting up in his bed, with bandages wrapped almost all of the way around his head, one of his eyes completely covered while his own remained closed. You sucked in a quick breath, but continued to walk closer to him.

“How are you feeling?” Noritoshi looked towards you, a tired smile appearing on his face as he watched you come beside his bed and sit down in one of the chairs. “All things considered, not too bad. Apparently my injuries were minor compared to Fushiguro and Maki.” You hummed, “I don’t see any of their heads wrapped in bandages Noritoshi. You always have to be an overachiever, huh?” He chuckled at that, shaking his head as you smiled, desperately trying to blink away tears before they could fall. “...” it was quiet, for maybe only 30 seconds but it felt like eternity.

You took a look at him, and even though he was here, he was fine, he was okay, the only thoughts that were getting through were ‘if you had lost him, what would you have done?’. Noritoshi’s eyes widened as he watched the tears fall down your face, your body fighting sobs as your elbows rested on your knees and your hands clutched at your eyes, water flowing down your cheeks and arms. “Y/n? Y/n it’s alright, i’m oka-” “It’s not! This- this isn’t about that it’s just- I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had...you had- I can’t lose you Noritoshi!” He shut his mouth as you continued to cry, his stomach churning at the sight of your tear soaked face as you tried to stop them from coming.

You sat up, looking up to the ceiling as you tried to regain your composure. “I just- there’s still so much I need to say to you- a-and too much...too much I have to fix,” “Y/n,” “A-and what if you were gone? A-and I couldn’t say goodbye?I ignored you for months, I can never forgive m-myself for tha-at,” “Y/n,” “I would’ve hated myself, cause I never got to tell you I still love you and I don’t hate you and-” “Y/n” You looked down to see Noritoshi leaning to the side of his bed, watching as his hands guided your face towards his, you still very much delirious as he gave you a half-smile, thumbs wiping the tears from your face as your sobs died down.

“Y-yes?” You choked out, he leaned in, thumb brushing your bottom lip as he whispered, close enough that you could feel his breath fanning your lips, “Stop talking.” You nodded, taking a deep breath as your hands came up to hold his, his forehead now resting against yours as your cries effectively died down. “I was never going to leave you, and certainly not without making sure you didn’t believe any of that. We both made mistakes and did things we regret. We let a silly argument get between us, and I didn’t let myself see it from your perspective. I’m sorry.” You shook your head, “I should be the one who’s sorry, I walked away and avoided you because I was too scared to fix things...i’m sorry Noritoshi.”

He smiled, “We’re both sorry, but I think it’s time we fix this too...I’ve hated not having you with me these past few months.” You laughed as you nodded, “Yeah, me too...but you’re going to have to put your number in my phone, I deleted your contact…” He pulled away, eyebrows furrowed, “You deleted my contact?! I can accept you blocking me but deleting my number?!” You laughed, “I wasn’t thinking straight! I was mad and I didn’t handle it well...but don’t act like you’re innocent after humiliating me this afternoon...all those inappropriate things and in front of our underclassmen...you should be ashamed.”

He smirked as he shook his head, “Absolutely not, I was simply telling the truth, you’re the one who made it promiscuous.” You rolled your eyes, and for the first time in awhile it wasn’t condescending, but rather endearing. “Whatever, I know what you meant.” He smiled, his smile coy and sly, a perfect display of the mischievous part of Noritoshi not many people got to see. “Y’know...it really hurt having you ignore me like that for months...and now that I know you deleted my contact and avoided me, i’m rather hurt by your actions…” You narrowed your eyes as you could hear the teasing tone he held in his voice.

“...What are you up to Kamo?” He shook his head, leaning back in closer to you, his closeness causing your neck and face to heat up as your heart beat started to pick up its pace. His lips grazed your own before they slid to your cheek, all the while his hand dropped to your side where you had haphazardly left your phone when you sat down. “Getting my number back in your phone.” Your eyes widened as your face got impossibly hotter, watching as he tried and failed to suppress his smirk as he did what he ‘intended to’ and re-entered his contact. “There, all better.” He handed you your phone, you shaking your head as embarrassment started to set in.

“Well, now that you’re obviously feeling better, I’m going to go check on the others.” You didn’t get far before his hand had caught your wrist, and instead of letting go, he pulled you towards him, lips crashing on yours as his other hand steadied your waist. One of your hands wrapped around his neck while your knee propped itself up on his bed, his hand that was on your wrist now sat securely on your hip. He kissed you with what seemed to be the most love-filled and intense kiss the two of you had ever shared, and there had been quite a few kisses shared between the two of you. You moved to sit more on the bed as he pulled you closer, your kisses becoming more intense as the moments passed, and your surroundings began to blur.

“Well this is interesting.” You gasped as your head whipped around, finding not only Gojo, but half of the Kyoto school, Panda, Maki, and all 3 of the 1st years standing crowded in the door way watching with round shocked eyes at seeing two of the most respected and potential filled students making out like their lives depended on it. You felt your face get hot with more embarrassment when you heard Maki yell “ahA! I told you! Fork over the 20 Megumi!” You gave Noritoshi one last smile as you stepped down from his bed, bowing to everyone as you walked out and to your room. “I’ll see you all later, bye everyone, bye Noritoshi.” Before you made your way to your room to scream into your pillow, your steps increased as you heard the parade of ‘nice one y/n!’ and ‘lock the door next time!’.

You got to your room and fell face-first onto your bed. To say you were exhausted would be an understatement. Eventually you got up and did your nightly routine, changing into some comfortable pj’s before getting under the covers of your bed and setting your phone to charge. Just as you set your phone down, it dinged with a notification. Furrowing your eyebrows you picked you phone up to see it was a text, picking it up you read it. ‘Sorry for the interruption, but don’t worry, apparently we get the day off tomorrow so we can talk things out then ;)’ you laughed at Noritoshi’s use of an emoji, remembering that it was you who had taught him to use them in the first place.

You wrote out and sent your response, smiling uncontrollably at the ‘goodnight❤’ he sent before returning it and going to set your phone down. You paused when you noticed he had also put his ‘name’ into your phone. ‘Boyfriend’. You turned your phone off and screamed into your pillow, knowing it would be awhile before you could sleep with your head and heart filled to the brim with the one that (almost) got away.

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

I never expected you guys to like demon Senjuro so much lol I’m really happy to see that like it was such a random impulse thought but the au has a lot of room for growth

In this post Im gonna establish a few things about what happened to Senjuro and Kyojuro in the events between Senjuro’s “death” and the pillar meeting. I will only cover their relationship and a little bit of Senjuro’s relationship with Tanjiro. The others can come at a different post cause this post is gonna be long lol so I put it under cut cause no one really wants a post to flood their dash

TW: Mentions of death (some are children), mentions of cannibalism (If you’ve seen even the first episode of demon slayer and had no problem, you’re fine with this post. This post is slightly not anime only friendly as I make references to an upper moon and I show a manga only panel as of posting this) Shnjuro gets really depressed but luckily there is no attempted suicide

Senjuro Rengoku

- His class was at the bottom floor and they were cleaning the school (I heard thats a thing in Japan if someone has a better idea on what they’re doing feel free to shoot an ask) when they got attacked

- In canon we dont know his age but I’m gonna guess like 12-14 but in the au he is 13 so he was 12 when he became a demon. A rogue demon attacked Senjuro’s class and Senjuro ran to get help and was fatally injured but still managed run to get help as he was given a nichirin sword and even if it didnt change color he must have known breathing techniques at the very least on a basic level and the demon was too preoccupied with some of the teachers and others trying to kill the demon, of course unaware of what it was except for Senjuro

- Upper moon 4 was sneaking around when he saw the all but dead body of Senjuro and demons really dont have standards for turning people into demons so when he noticed he was alive, turned him into a demon mostly so that if he did find any “evil people” (demon slayers) he could use him as his meat shield alongside his personalities

- When Senjuro woke up as a demon (cause even if he was a breath user he was very inexperienced so Hantengu had no problem making him a demon), he had no memory of his life as a human and looked around trying to find a human to satiate his hunger and saw a human in the distance with someone and began to run to them to satiate his hunger when he felt himself being held back. 

- The spirit of Ruka Rengoku gently held her son back and instructed him to not eat humans as that’s not something he should do and even if Senjuro couldn’t recognize the woman holding him back, he found himself obeying her and running to go to a place to hide from the sun

- From that moment on for a few day he would hop from place to place whether underneath homes, in caves or any place he could find to avoid being seen and to be shielded from the sun and found himself growing sleepy so in the cave he hid in, far away from the place he was last in, he closed his eyes and fell asleep for a year

- When he woke up, he had unwittingly burnt away Muzan’s control of him and was unsure on what to do when Ruka’s spirit appeared again telling him that he needs to find his way home. Senjuro wasn’t actually listening to a lot of what she said except one thing stuck to him. 

- “Senjuro”, he didn’t know what his name was as a demon but the name seem to stick to him and he figured this must be his name (he would of course be correct)

- When he found himself staying with the Kamaboko squad, having been spared despite being a demon due to him not having any form of aggression to them (something they all noticed due to his general demeanor and their enhanced sense) and Tanjiro could smell he hadnt eaten one human and he invited him to join them. He joined Nezuko in her box (she can grow really really tiny if she wants or is tired)

Reference: 

Kny chapter 85

- He joined for two reasons: One, he was really scared of people and demon slayers especially so when Tanjiro offered him the chance to be able to be safe and hide he took it. Secondly, he wasn’t sure but the smile Tanjiro gave and his warm reassurance reminded of him of someone, when he thought hard he only saw blurry shadows and got a headache so didn’t try to push it

- Tanjiro did ask him in the wisteria house while Zenitsu was chatting with Nezuko and Inosuke was off being Inosuke about his past and Senjuro told him about his brief meetings with a woman with black hair and asks if they’ve met before as he feels familiar

- This is where he gets the idea that the woman with black hair (Ruka) is his mother and Tanjiro guesses that the person that he thinks is Tanjiro must be his father (right on the first part Tanjiro but wrong on the second lol, you tried)

- He wears a cyan yukata with a new hakama pants as the clothes he was previously wearing was the same bloodstained clothes he wore after turning into a demon and Tanjiro didnt want to leave him in that. Tanjiro thought to get him a gag but the idea made Senjuro uncomfortable so Tanjiro made him swear to never eat a single human

- In Mount Nagatumo, he was too scared to jump out to protect Tanjiro like Nezuko but when she gets sliced up he leaves the box to watch her while Tanjiro fights Rui, unfortunately he is caught in Rui’s webs like Nezuko and was saved from it by Nezuko flames (though it did burn him a fair bit, Nezuko would apologize to him for this later)

- Giyuu doesn’t kill Senjuro cause his resemblance to Kyojuro despite the different clothes and demon eyes is clear to anyone who can see and Shinobu also finds herself hesitating but shakes those feelings off as Kyojuro deserves better than to see his little brother as a demon. Luckily Giyuu stops him and Senjuro runs with Nezuko and Tanjiro but is later taken back to the demon slyer corps by a Kakushi who put him and Nezuko back in their box

- When Sanemi stabbed the box, he moved to try and protect Nezuko but the box was too cramped and they both got stabbed despite his efforts. Later when he tries to bait him with his marechi blood, he’s too focused on resisting the blood and on Nezuko who he had grown to see as a sister to care about the wide eyed looks the pillars were giving him.

Kyojuro Rengoku (I am so sorry in advance Kyojuro simps I put this man THROUGH IT)

- He had just finished a mission and was going to get another mission when a crow he hadn’t seen work in years came flying to him, obviously panicked telling him how Senjuro’s school was attacked and how no one can find Senjuro among the bodies. The crow was Shinjuro’s

- When he hears that, all the kakushi and other demon slayers present would say they had never seen the flame pillar run so frantically, he only stopped to apologize briefly if he bumped into someone while running but the only thing racing in his mind was his little brother who had no weapon to defend himself with. He forced the image of his brother being nothing but a corpse away only thinking about saving Senjuro

- When he reached the school, he forced himself to calm down. Panicking isn’t going to magically bring Senjuro to him so he needs to keep himself in check because with so many people dead, he’s not the only one concerned over the kids

- There were no survivors on the area that was attacked, the police were there investigating the deaths of the many children and teachers, Kyojuro had to spend time convincing the police he was with them and to be allowed to investigate as well

- With no survivors, he heard from the police that there was a blood trail when they got there and he went to find the trail, when he reached the end of it where there were no traces of Senjuro but since the people there were untrained civilians, Senjuro was the only possible person to have been there

- He spent multiple days searching, Mitsuri was at one point sent to check on him and it was clear he was pushing himself, as days passed by, his composure and bright demeanor were crumbling and he started latching onto any lead to at the very least find the body of Senjuro to take back home but it was becoming clear that he would never find it and a kakushi had to be the one to tell him that his body was likely eaten to the bone or eaten and discarded to either rot away or eaten by someone else

- Kyojuro took a week off, not just because of the grief he felt at that moment but because he needed to check on his father and make sure he would be okay, the man didn’t even face Kyojuro when he came in to visit, he forced himself to not cry in front of his father as he tried to talk to the man who couldn’t even say a word and just drank away even as his eldest son tried to talk to him

- Servants were hired to monitor Shinjuro by Kyojuro as he was concerned about his health both physically and mentally but he did notice how Shinjuro never resisted to being taken care of by the people he hired. They reported to him he could be heard muttering Senjuro’s name and even stares at his room for extended periods of time

- When he made his return, he apologized to the pillars for his behavior the past two weeks (even though no one blamed the man, some even said it was okay if he needed more time, they wouldn’t judge) but whenever he was told that he said he had to be strong to protect the weak so he could be someone that could stop families from ending up like his own

- He was far more determined in killing demons, demon attacks had become personal to him now, whenever he saw a demon eating people he found himself wondering what they must’ve thought in the afterlife as the demon desecrated their bodies

- In the pillar meeting, when he was informed of a swordsman who travelled with not one but two demons, he felt disgust as who knows how many humans they could eat. On the way to the meeting, he couldn’t help but notice Shinobu deliberately avoiding him a bit, Giyuu was doing the same but the man never really talked with them much to begin with

- When he saw Senjuro go out of the box with Nezuko, he felt the smile on his face drop and his heart practically sunk to the core of the earth as he saw the unmistakable hair of a Rengoku and the face was so clearly Senjuro’s despite his eyes having a black sclera and his iris and pupil becoming cat like, the pillars had all turned to see if the flame pillar was alright and he could hear Himejima mutter prayers and Mitsuri was on the verge of tears seeing Senjuro alive but as a demon

- He found himself going into denial until Tanjiro, who had been freed as Obanai left to comfort the distressed love pillar, ran and yelled Senjuro’s name and told him to resist his hunger

- “My sister and the other demon with us are different! They would never eat a human!”

- Senjuro was a good kid, he was innocent, kind and a bit on the timid side. He had helped raise him, he knew Senjuro would never want to harrm a fellow human even when threatened. 

[flyingkiki]

We played dangerously (1/?)

Because we need more stories that show us just how much of a dirty boi Timbo is. The more smtty #TimRae the better. So excited for this story and delve heavily into their drama and dirty deeds. Strap yourselves in, bbs. it's a steamy one.

The history between them ran deep and long, mostly unspoken, messy, and painfully raw. Years later, here they are - older and carrying just a little bit more baggage than necessary. Tim and Raven reflect on their dangerous history and sift through the extra baggage they acquired.

~~~~

“You’re quitting?”

Raven frowned and crossed her arms defensively. She steeled herself as Red Robin stared at her, a look of total disbelief on his face as he processed what she just told him. She ignored how a heavy feeling settled low in her stomach.

“I’m taking a sabbatical,” she said levelly.

“For an undefined period of time,” continued Tim, his voice strained as he drew his eyebrows together trying to process what he just heard five minutes ago. “That sounds like quitting to me,”

She pressed her lips together as she tried to ignore the harsh press of Tim’s emotions against her. She watched him stare at her from across the briefing room, the sound of their computer working on data broke the heavy silence between them. “It’s my life, of course it’s indefinite,”

Tim blinked and followed her stance, crossing his arms as he studied her intently. “I’m not trying to take control of your life, Raven,” he bristled.

Raven tilted her head in challenge. For whatever reason she felt annoyance crawl under her skin. “It sounds like you are,”

“I’m not,” Tim pressed, sighing loudly. With a huff he pulled off his mask and threw it on the briefing table. Raven watched it slide on the flat surface before looking back up at Tim’s confused blue eyes. “Look, I don’t want to fight. You can do whatever you want, Raven. You’re right, it’s your life. I’m sorry if I sounded controlling,”

Raven hummed in acknowledgement. She knew he meant well. She knew Tim well enough that he wanted to understand the situation at hand. She shifted under his gaze and ignored how her stomach gnawed painfully. “When are you leaving?” Tim asked, his tone softer as he slid into the seat across from her. Raven watched him grab his mask and fiddle with it absently. The atmosphere shifted and her stomach churned painfully.

“In two weeks,” Raven replied and sat down in front of him. She watched Tim press his lips together and frown at the news. “I got into a special program. School starts early in August,”

Tim swallowed and threw her a torn look. “I’m glad you’re going off to university,” he began. He paused to inhale as he tried to think. “And this is not something you could do, like part-time online or something?”

Raven frowned at the way he tried to find ways to make her stay. “No,” she said. “Our work is a tight schedule as it is,”

Tim nodded in agreement. He gave a halfhearted smile. “At least I tried,”

Her stomach lurched without her consent and she ignored the jumble of emotions in the room. Her decision was final. This conversation made the move incredibly real. Pain settled low in her stomach. She needed to pack and get things going. “I want a life outside of the Titans, Tim,” she said. “Most of you have lives outside of the Tower. Gar does his stupid acting. Jaime has his family and volunteer work. You run WE, Tim. You all get to do something outside of our uniform. I just want something as close to normal as I can get, whatever that is for Rachel Roth, even if it’s just for a while.”

Tim sighed. The tension was palpable as Tim frowned. His brows furrowed and he nodded. “Yeah, I respect that, Rae,” he said, voice low. Running his hand through his hair, Tim leaned back into his chair with a huff. “Yeah, okay. Yeah,” he breathed and looked deep in thought. She felt the faint press of his carefully controlled emotions. “We’ll make some preparations for your transition and make sure that everything is in order. I’ll let the Justice League know,”

There was a beat of silence between them. Raven was surprised how methodological the conversation was. Then again, was she really expecting an argument for her to stay? There was an inexplicable pin-like pain in her chest she could not shake off. Wasn’t this what she wanted? Sighing softly, she assumed their conversation was done and stood up. Tim probably had to file a report to the JL. She had to pack up and get going with her life – they all did. Raven swallowed a thought.

“Well, thanks,” she said and turned to leave the room. She heard Tim stand up.

“Hey,” Tim called, voice slightly strained. Raven paused and turned back around, eyeing him curiously. Tim swallowed and his brows pressed together and there was a cautious look on his face. “This is not about –”

“No,” Raven cut him off sharply. “It’s not.”

Tim sighed and his shoulders lowered slightly. He caught her blue eyes and Raven watched an expression she cannot quite place cross his face. He offered her a tentative smile and nodded, his brows still furrowed and still looking torn. “Okay,” he breathed. “Yeah, good.” He paused before continuing. “We’ll tell the team after dinner tonight.”

Raven nodded. Her stomach felt heavy, she had enough of this conversation. It was done. “I’m going to start packing up stuff,” she said and made her way towards the door.

“Everyone’s going to miss you, Raven,” Tim said as she opened the door.

She paused at the door, hand resting at the metal doorframe. Her finger tapped the frame thoughtfully as a few stray thoughts ran through her mind, before turning to look over her shoulder, catching Tim’s piercing blue eyes. She sent him a tight smile and buried whatever errant emotions tickled her heart. “Yeah, I’ll miss everyone too. I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

She did not come back anytime soon.

~~

Tim forgot when he was last in the Gotham Public Library – perhaps back when he was still in high school, 11 years ago? He wasn’t all too sure. His high school memories were blurry, given how his vigilante life was far more exciting than high school calculus.

But he was sure that the Gotham Public Library did not look this modern or dazzling since he last stepped into it when he was 15. The large library atrium was cleared out from its usual chairs and tables and instead filled with cocktail tables, round tables with sparkling black and gold table settings, buffet tables lined the walls, upbeat jazz music and heavy conversations filled the usual quiet halls, and every single one of the Gotham’s elite was dressed to the nines.

It was a charity dinner with plates going for the thousands. There was a silent auction too, some collectors’ books were up for grabs. The library was launching a new exhibit with some new codex they found out of Gotham. Wayne Foundation was funding most of the research and restoration work that went with it, and tonight’s event was supposed to help cover costs for the library’s expansion projects.

He idly listened to some politicians talk to Bruce and his siblings, Damian and Cass. Jason had moseyed off somewhere (likely browsing through the bookshelves or bidding on some of the collectibles in the silent auction) – lucky for the asshole. Tim wasn’t really paying attention. There was a lot going on, Tim barely kept up if he was being honest. A business merger was keeping his mind preoccupied, he was flying out to Japan tomorrow morning, and tonight’s dinner was the last place he honestly wanted to be at – but press as CEO of WE was important, Bruce liked to constantly remind him.

“So I was saying to him, ‘Johnny, son, if you don’t pull your pants up, that’s gonna be a lawsuit waiting to happen,’,” said the old man, assistant city treasurer – or whatever – to their small group. The old man heartily laughed, wheezing into his champagne glass. Bruce looked like he just swallowed bad caviar and cleared his throat while Damian and Cass made no effort to hide their bewildered faces. Tim sighed.

“Well, it does sound like a lawsuit waiting to happen, Mr. Peters,” Tim absently fiddled with his scotch glass and wondered if he should get anything stronger to get him through the night.

The man made a wounded sound and said something before slinking off. Bruce and Tim shared an exasperated look. Damian clicked his tongue, absently tapping his glass of orange juice. “This party is terrible, father,” he sniffed and icily scanned the crowd. “May we leave early?”

Bruce eyed his teenage son blandly. “We came here together, we leave together,” he said.

“Tt,” Damian frowned and took a sip from his orange juice.

Tim glanced at Damian, mildly feeling sorry for the 16-year-old gremlin. He remembered how he felt over these galas when he was younger. Internally grimacing at the galas when he first became CEO back when he was 17, Tim hid his displeasure behind his scotch glass while taking a sip.

They milled around more, talking to investors and guests from Gotham’s elite and academe. Tim smiled politely and held conversations where necessary, idly wondering when the night would be over. The crowd soon gathered in the middle of the atrium at the soft chime of a bell, signaling the start of another round of speeches from the library. Tim and his siblings slowly followed Bruce and the rest of the crowd towards the atrium. Tim caught Damian and Cass sharing bored glances.

“We’d like to thank everyone for being with us tonight,” said the Gotham Public Library Head Librarian, a well-dressed elderly man. The man went on with library expansion updates and the latest figures on tonight funds that were raised. Tim barely listed as he checked his phone for his flight details Tam sent him earlier. Ignoring the polite applause that filled the room, Tim continued to discreetly scroll through his itinerary.

“Tonight we’re also delighted to announce the opening of our exhibit, the Life Codex: Ancient Celebrations of Life. The library is honored to house this latest discovery and carry out the research, restoration, and preservation work of these recent discoveries,” the librarian droned on about ancient documents and the restoration work involved. Tim felt Cass nudge him and he blinked, looking up from his briefer. He stared at her quizzically.

“Attention,” she whispered. Tim offered her a sheepish look and pocketed his phone. They both turned their attention back to the stage. He caught sight of Jason’s large built shuffle in next to them, looking utterly bored. Since Jason was ‘legally alive’ again, they had roped him into attending a few events once in a while – much to the older man’s displeasure.

Mr. Tompkins, the Head Librarian, went on to discuss the project details that had gone underway since last month. Documents from Africa had been flown in and the research team had been working on restoring paper and decoding the codex. Tim barely listened as the elderly man droned on and silently wondered if he could still catch some sleep before his flight in the morning. His phone vibrated and he pointedly ignored Cass' look as he pulled out his phone to check an update from Tam.

"Doctor Collins, Dean of Gotham University's history and anthropology department is leading this project and she has built an excellent team for this project. Doctor Collins?" The head librarian welcomed an elderly woman with salt and pepper hair up on stage. Tim drowned out the speech as Dr. Collins started talking about the project, briefly looking at his phone and going through the project document for tomorrow's meeting with the Japanese tech firm. Tim wondered if he could at least get some good sushi while in Tokyo. Perhaps he could ask Tam to squeeze that into his schedule, they could --

"Hey, isn't that…" Jason paused and squinted at the stage. "Huh."

"Tim, look,"

Tim closed his phone and glanced at Cass curiously before turning his attention to the stage. Tim stopped short at what he saw.

Dressed in a flowing halter gown with a modest v-neck and a teasingly stylish slit up her right leg, a strikingly familiar woman walked up on the small platform offering the crowd a tentative smile and a modest wave. Tim watched the small woman carefully shuffle across the platform as a few more members of the research team were introduced. He blinked and stared at the violet-black haired woman and felt his throat tighten.

As if sensing his stare, dark blue eyes caught his light blue ones from across the hall. They zeroed in on him, easily catching him in a sea of hundreds.

There was an inexplicable tightness that seized his chest briefly, as Tim stared back at the woman, watching transfixed as emotions flickered across her face before quickly slipping back into a small pleasant smile and keeping her gaze briefly at him before turning to her colleagues and chuckling at something they were whispering to each other on stage. Tim watched and stared at her, schooling the surprise on his face, and just drinking in every familiar slopes and planes of her face because it had been what? Five? Six? Years since he last saw her.

"That's -"

"Rachel," Tim cut off Cass, blinking away his brief surprise and instead stared intently at his (former?) teammate.

"Rachel Roth leads our research team. Is there anything you'd like to say, dear?" Dr. Collins asked, turning to the group on stage. Rachel looked surprised before shaking her head and waving her hand in decline. "Ms. Roth does excellent work in ancient runes and languages, and restoration work. It's a pleasure to have her on the team. She's a guest lecturer at Gotham U, so if you're lucky, you best sign up for her special lecture series on ancient runes."

Tim watched as Rachel blushed at the praise, ducking her head briefly before chuckling at something a blonde haired woman next to her said. The group on stage shared a laugh and Tim watched curiously at the familiar sight of Raven smiling. There were few more pleasantries on stage before the group had their photo taken

“If we could invite Mr. Bruce Wayne, Mr. Lucius Fox, and Mr. Tim Wayne, to come up on stage for a quick photo with the rest of the team? After which we can proceed with our evening, and hopefully get your support in our library’s expansion work,” the head librarian called.

Tim blinked as Cass nudged him and pulled him out of his thoughts. Clearing his throat, he handed Cass his drink and quickly walked up the stage, following Bruce and Lucius up the small steps. Pulling on his practiced Tim Wayne-CEO-of-WE-smile, he dutifully shook hands with Dr. Collins and the head librarian. He briefly caught Raven’s stare as he moved across the stage to shake hands with people on the stage. Their gaze briefly met and her lips quirked into a small smile before quickly turning away and shuffling to the end of the line and out of reach for any other contact without attracting too much attention on them. Photos were taken swiftly and before Tim knew it everyone was ushered off the stage and he was wrapped up in a rather lengthy conversation on library work and the ongoing renovation projects.

Tim discreetly tried to look over his shoulder, barely catching a glimpse of the familiar slope of Raven’s shoulder disappearing into the crowd.

“Bruce Wayne,” Dr. Collins walked up to them just as the head librarian excused himself. The elderly woman beamed and quickly shook Bruce’s hand.

“Julia, it’s nice to see you again,” Bruce smiled warmly. “You know my son, Tim,”

Tim smiled and shook her hand. “Dr. Collins, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said, easily pulling himself out of his thoughts of trying to find Raven in the crowd.

“Mr. Wayne,” The elderly woman beamed and regarded both men in front of her.

Tim chuckled. “Just Tim, please,”

“I worked with you parents, Jack and Janet, many years ago on a few of their archaeological digs, back in their early years. I met you when you were a little boy once or twice. I must say I am impressed at what a successful grown man you've become, Tim,” praised Dr. Collins. The elderly woman hummed and smiled. “CEO of Wayne Enterprises,”

Tim chuckled, pulling on his best boardroom smile. “Thank you,”

“Also, this makes me realize that time certainly flies when the young boy you last saw in diapers has become the CEO of the world’s most successful conglomerate,” Dr. Collins chuckled, beaming up at Bruce with a mischievous smile. “That does make me feel old,”

Bruce chuckled as Tim politely made a face and their small group fell into an easy conversation. “The last eight years with Tim as CEO have been the best years for the company,”

Tim grinned playfully over his scotch. “Careful, is that praise I hear?”

The small group fell into an easy conversation discussing work and the research project. Tim quickly gathered that Dr. Collins was an old family friend of the Waynes, particularly of Bruce’s parents. He kept rapt attention to the conversation, nodding and chiming in where necessary, while occasionally glancing around the room for even a hint of purple or black.

Feeling distracted by tonight’s discovery of Raven, Tim was ready to excuse himself from the conversation and pretend to make a phone call. That seemed to be the best way to try to look around and catch Raven.

“There you are,” Dr. Collins glanced over Bruce’s shoulder and beamed. She beckoned for whoever was behind Bruce to come closer.

“I was looking for you,”

Despite the years that passed, Tim recognized the familiar voice in a heartbeat. He watched as Raven appeared from behind Bruce. He schooled his face, trying to fight away any signs of recognition and familiarity towards the black haired woman. Tim watched in a mix of curiosity and internal surprise as Raven smiled softly at their group and confidently walked up to them. From the slopes of her shoulder, the elegant movements of her hands, to her black-violet hair, deep stormy blue eyes, and that achingly familiar errant dusting of a few freckles just around the hollows of her neck, Raven looked exactly like how he remembered her. Tim blinked and absently tapped his scotch glass as he stared openly at her, a sight he had not seen in years.

“Rachel, please meet Bruce Wayne and his son, Tim. As you know Wayne Enterprises provides extensive funding for our work,” Dr. Collins said, waiving at both men in front of them.

“Mr. Wayne,” Raven began, moving her champagne glass into her left hand and went to shake Bruce’s hand. A smile appeared on her face as she and Bruce exchanged pleasantries. There was no air of familiarity between them, despite the schooled smiles that stretched across both of their lips. Tim knew that practiced look from all the undercover missions he had seen, been with, her. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for all your support,”

Raven turned to Tim and he watched as her smile immediately curled up just a tiny bit more in that familiar teasing way he had not seen in the last six years. There was that achingly familiar twinkle in her eyes he often saw back in the day, reserved for rare occasions, and Tim found himself smiling back at Raven and eagerly drinking in her familiar presence. “Mr. Wayne,” she said to him, a small quiver in her voice that no one but him seemed to pick up. She reached out and shook his hand.

Tim gave her hand a brief squeeze and he was pleased to see how the corner of her lips curled into a familiar amused smile he remembered. “Just Tim,”

Raven hummed and nodded, pulling her hand back. “Thank you again for supporting the research and restoration project,”

“What were you busy with before joining this project?” Bruce asked curiously. There were little updates from Raven throughout the years as she left the team for university and eventually work. While in the early years of her sabbatical Tim kept some updates on her, these eventually became less up to date as Raven eventually seemed to do her own thing.

“I was in Iceland,” Raven supplied and explained that she worked on an ancient runes translation project with the local university for six months.

Tim felt a distant memory tickle the back of his mind and he ignored the tight feeling that accompanied those distinct memories. He ignored the whisps of memories that teased his mind. Dark blue eyes briefly caught his stare and he watched that familiar curl in the corner of Raven’s lips appear. Tim smiled in return. “Iceland is a beautiful country,” he commented.

Raven stared at him, dark blue eyes intense as he remembered them. “It is,”

“We’re glad that Rachel has joined our project. She’s a fine addition to our team,” commented Dr. Collins. The elderly woman smiled teasingly. “And we’re definitely hoping she’ll considering staying in Gotham after the project ends,”

Raven rolled her eyes in amusement. “We’re just two weeks into the project. We have a long way to go,”

Tim looked at her curiously. How could he have missed her entering Gotham?. “You’ve been here for two weeks?”

Raven looked at him as if catching the slight jump in his emotions at this little discovery. “Three actually, if you count my moving in week,” she shrugged in amusement.

Three weeks. Tim stored that information for later, for a later conversation, and ignored how it settled uncomfortably in his stomach. He instead smiled at her and titled his head curiously. “I hope the transfer into Gotham wasn’t too difficult,”

Raven made a face. “It’s been interesting,” she said and Tim easily caught her familiar teasing lilt in her voice.

“Let us know if you need any assistance getting you settled, I’m sure we can send over someone to help you with your apartment,” Bruce offered, smiling charmingly at Raven.

Raven waved him off. “It’s just a few more boxes, nothing really major,”

Tim watched as a young woman tentatively approached them and offered the group an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said to the group and quickly turned to Raven. With a quick tilt of her head towards the right, she made a face. “The University Press wants to talk to you,”

Raven made a face. “Oh, Why?”

“Just stuff about the project and the lecture,” supplied the young woman. She offered Raven a wry smile and made a face. “Also one of them asked if you were single,”

Raven rolled her eyes before smiling tightly at Bruce and Tim. “I’m sorry, if you’d excuse me. It was really nice to meet you. Thank you again for all your support. I hope you’ll visit the library again and we could show you around our work,” she said. Quickly turning to Dr. Collins, she nodded politely. “I’ll see you later, Julia,”

Smiling at Bruce and Tim, she tilted her head and there was an amused glint in her eyes as she stared at them. “Gentlemen,” she then turned on her heels, casually drank the rest of her champagne with just a little bit more purpose and seemingly bracing herself for what was about to happen next. Standing a little taller and squaring her shoulders, Raven followed the young assistant towards the press. “So, what did you tell them?” she asked, amusement lacing her voice.

As the conversation between Dr. Collins and Bruce resumed, Tim took a long sip of his scotch and stared at Raven’s retreating form. A million thoughts ran through his mind and he silently wondered just how fast he could get through his business trip in Tokyo. Sushi would have to wait for another time.

[chudleycanonficfest]

you belong with me

Day 11, story #1 is by @accio-broom

Title: you belong with me Author/Artist: accio-broom Pairing: Arthur Weasley / Molly Prewett Prompt:  Soulmate AU Rating: T Trigger Warning(s) (if any): None, unless Arthur Weasley trying to enjoy his birthday offends you.

When Arthur Weasley woke on the morning of the 6th February, nothing was out of the ordinary. He took his time, easing out of sleep like a man with nothing to do. He stretched out his body with a loud yawn, then pulled back the curtains of the four-poster bed, ignoring the attack of the winter air that filled the dorm room.

He was going to have a perfect day.

Wiggling his toes on the plush rug next to his bed, he greeted his fellow dorm mates.

“Morning, Ry.” Arthur tipped his head towards the Gryffindor on the bed opposite him. “How’s it hanging?”

Ryan was not a morning person, and he grumbled at Arthur before snuggling further under the duvet. Arthur chuckled and joined in the conversation about the latest Quidditch scores, trying his best to not lament too long on the disappointing Cannons scores. He gathered his wash bag, and made sure he had clean briefs with his uniform, then waved a cheery goodbye as he wandered off to the bathroom, whistling as he moved.

Today was Arthur Weasley’s birthday, and the day he came of age, although the notion was rather peculiar to him. He didn’t feel all that more responsible than he did yesterday, but according to Wizarding Law, he could now leave school, get a real job and get married, should he wish.

He scoffed as the thought of getting married flitted into his head, disappearing as quickly as it came. That would mean actually landing himself a girlfriend, something he hadn’t yet achieved during his six years at Hogwarts. He hadn’t even come close.

As he showered, Arthur mapped out his day in his head. If it all went to plan, he’d enjoy a big breakfast with the rest of his school friends. His classes today were straight forward—double Muggle Studies this morning, then Potions this afternoon. Between these would be lunch, and a free period, where hopefully, he’d be able to go for a fly, if the weather was okay.

If he survived the day, then he and his friends were planning a night of wizard chess, birthday cake and butterbeer, which hopefully Ryan was going to sneak from the kitchens for them.

Shower done, he dried himself off in front of one of the mirrors. As he did, he examined his body. He didn’t look any older than yesterday, there were no new lines or hairs on his body. He was still the same gangly lad with violent red hair and far too many freckles to count.

Arthur settled his glasses on his face, then loosened his towel. Without warning, a soft femine voice filled his head, taking him by surprise.

Merlin, I hate red hair.

Tightening the towel around his waist, he looked around the bathroom for the source of the sound. 

“H-hello?” he called out, but the only reply came from the echo of his greeting bouncing off the tiles. “I-is anyone there?”

I wish I were blonde or a brunette—anything but this. Nobody fancies redheads. 

His heart pounding, he checked all the nooks and crannies in the room, only to find that he was the only one there. The tips of his ears turned bright pink as he turned his attention back to his reflection. Dark circles sat under his eyes, and a frown covered his face. He was tired. It was the only explanation for the voice that was still filling Arthur’s ears with insecurities. There had been a few late nights in the library recently, as well as some early morning Quidditch practices. They must be catching up on him.

He’s no spring chicken, after all.

Hurriedly pulling on his uniform, he combed his hair then carried on whistling, hoping to block out the now persistent voice in his head.

⁂

The girl’s commentary didn’t stop whilst Arthur ate his breakfast. It filled his ears, dragging his shoulders down with negative thoughts and observations.

Everything is so greasy here, the voice wailed. No wonder I’m putting on weight. I’ll get spots if I carry on eating like this. I wish Mary wouldn’t wear so much perfume. It makes me feel sick.

The negativity depressed Arthur and was the last thing he needed on his birthday. He’d hoped for a nice day, full of presents, and easy lessons and time spent with his friends, but instead, Negative Nancy was ruining his time. He didn’t even fancy opening his gifts, which had been delivered by owl mail just as he sat down for breakfast.

Glancing down the table, he tried to work out the source of the interference in his brain, but the Gryffindor table was full of people, and conversations flew around them from every angle. He sniffed, wondering if Mary’s perfume could lead him in the right direction, but all he could smell was baked beans.

With a sigh, he shoved his second sausage into his mouth, letting the taste of his favourite breakfast food cheer him up, even if it was only a little bit.

Muggle studies was Arthur’s favourite topic, but he found it hard to concentrate as his head filled with arithmancy. He hated the subject, there was a reason he didn’t choose to continue the subject after their O.W.L.’s, so it irritated him greatly that the thoughts were disrupting learning more about muggle bridges. They were such beautiful contraptions, too.

Lunch was just as bad. Although the voice was annoying, Arthur was starting to get used to it. However, what was infuriating him was how familiar the voice sounded, yet he couldn’t work out who it belonged to. Whenever it filled his mind, it brought warm feelings and stirred something new deep inside his belly. Whatever was happening to him, he felt awkward that he was getting a very up close and personal look into someone else’s thoughts. Throughout the morning, he’d experienced such a vast range of emotions, and he felt like he might explode.

His birthday was going downhill rapidly.

By the time Potions came around, Arthur was exhausted. He arrived at class before the rest of his peers, and as soon as he settled into his usual seat, he folded his arms and rested his head on them. He was about to drop off to sleep when…

“Good afternoon, Arthur. Are you enjoying your birthday?”

Arthur’s ears pricked up. It was the same damn voice he’d been hearing all day, but this time it was loud and happening outside his head. Peeking over his arms, he watched as Molly Prewett sat down next to him and gave him a warm smile.

It was her, the voice inside his head. How had he not realised this before now?

Although he and Molly weren’t best friends, she had been his potions partner since their first year, and they often found themselves sharing a table in the library late at night. Could she hear his thoughts the same way he could listen to hers? Or was this all one-sided?

“Oh, yes, it’s fine,” he said, finally lifting his head from the desk. “Perfectly spiffing.”

Perfectly spiffing? He’s never spoken like that before, and definitely not to Molly Prewett. He usually chooses his words carefully around her, not wanting to look like an imbecile.

She giggled, and Arthur goggled at her. Was she only laughing at his choice of words, or was his internal commentary amusing her. His pulse started to quicken. There had been many thoughts throughout the day, some that would mortify him if anyone else heard.

Arthur checked on Slughorn, who was distracted writing today’s recipe on the board. Summoning the courage, Arthur took a deep breath then reached out with his mind. He crossed all his fingers and toes that this would work as he thought hard.

“Hello? Molly?”

All of a sudden, Molly sat upright in her seat. Her face turned towards him, and even through the smoke from their cauldron, Arthur could see that her eyes were wide, and her jaw was almost reaching the desk.

“Arthur? Oh Merlin, is that really you? Is it your voice I’ve heard all day?”

“Yes? I mean, I think so. I’ve been hearing your voice since I woke up, and I was curious to see if you could hear the same.”

A red blush crept from Molly’s neck and onto her cheeks, and Arthur was sure it wasn’t from their cauldron or the heat of the dungeons.

“How much did you hear?” Molly averted her gaze from him.

Arthur paused, weighing up his options. Should he lie and protect Molly from inevitable humiliation? Or should he tell her the truth? It was a difficult choice, and both came with a list of pros and cons. But Arthur wasn’t a dishonest man, and if this problem continued for much longer, Molly deserved to know what she was exposing him to.

Plus, if she was experiencing it too, then she probably had a good idea of what he’d heard.

Reaching a decision, he flexed his mind again. “All of it. I’m sorry, Molly. I tried my best to ignore it all, but it’s all I can hear.”

“What’s going on? Do you think we should go and see Madam Pomfrey?”

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle. The mind-reading was not an illness or spell damage, and they hadn’t been near each other recently, save for right now. 

It’s no coincidence that this started on the morning of his seventeenth birthday, and his brothers had mentioned something similar happening to them, although at the time, Arthur put it down to them yanking his wand. They often liked to tease him, as older brothers do.

It was Percival who’d mentioned it, while they were tinkering with a Muggle car in their father’s garage last summer.

“So, this school year is going to be fun for you, Arthur,” he’d said, a smile on his face. “Coming of age, you’re allowed to go to Hogsmeade without supervision, you’ll hopefully get your apparition licence too.”

Arthur had smiled, his stomach lurching with excited nerves. “If I pass.”

Bilius had piped up. “The family record is five attempts.”

“And Dad has never grown his eyebrows back.” Percival smirked at his brothers.

Arthur joined in with the laughter, relishing getting to spend time with Percival and Bilius. Percival had married almost straight out of school, and although Bilius remained single, he was always away on secret missions for the Order of the Phoenix.

Grinning at Arthur, Pervial spoke again. “Of course, apparition isn’t the hardest thing you’ll have to deal with. If the voices start, you’re in for a treat.”

“Voices?” Arthur fumbled with his screwdriver as a frown appeared on his face.

“Yeah, don’t you know?” Percival continued, adding oil to the engine. “When Weasley men come of age, they have a special way of finding their one true love.”

“What? No, you’re making this up. This is all fairy tale nonsense, surely? Bilius hasn’t met anyone!”

“How do think Perce landed his wife so quickly?” Bilius laughed. “Wasn’t his charm or good looks, that’s for sure.”

Percival and Bilius had erupted into giggles again. The tips of Arthur’s ears burned pink. There was no way this sort of thing happened, they were just having him on. But still, the thought had appealed to him. He was so unlucky in love, that the thought of being able to automatically identify his future wife had piqued his interest for sure.

Would he be like Percival or Bilius? Only time would tell.

⁂

Arthur hadn’t thought back on that conversation since it had happened. But if what his brothers had told him was true, then there were worse women in the world to be hearing in his head. Molly was kind and pretty. He’d always had a soft spot for her, but he’d never acted on it for fear of being rejected. Now, he probably didn’t have a choice.

Taking a huge breath, he reached for Molly’s hand and squeezed it. His grip trembled but felt it pertinent for him to try and be brave, given the enormity of what they were facing. In an attempt to distract himself from her internal panic, he wet his lips before finally whispering in a low voice, 

“What do you know about soulmates?”

[angelicmichael]

What if Xavier had a kid he didn't know about and he meets them for the first time after he's already a ghost? Maybe there's a kindergarten group that takes a trip to the camp, and he just has this spirit intuition as soon as he sees them and KNOWS it's his child. Do you think you could expand on this idea? I'd love to see what you come up with!

A/N: This was so fun, thank you for this idea dear anon!! I'm sorry it's late but hopefully u like it 😶. Also, I apologize this is so dark and heavy- I didnt intend for it.. it just, kinda happened lmfao. I turned this into a 'x reader' and it starts with Xaviers POV and ends with readers perspective!! First few paragraphs are pretty dark and then the rest is weird.. angst fluff LOL.Hope yall enjoy 💖💖💖

Warnings: First few paragraphs discuss Xavier's thots about dying SO, it highkey gets dark yall I'm so sorry, mentions of anger?? issues, mentions of murder, stops getting dark roughly around paragraph 6 if u wanna skip all that, MAJOR ANGST, reuniting, very brief Xantana reference 😈, mention of kids, bit of fluff.. think that's it :)

In Xaviers eyes; the worst part of being killed in a desolate camp and having to reside there for the rest of eternity; wasnt the fact that he would have to handle Richard Rameriez and tolerate his peers for eons to come. Sure, both of those things required an adjustment period but.. the realization that his life with you was abruptly cut short, was what truly broke him.

It took him being stripped from everything he once knew to truly appreciate how heavenly life once was before Camp Redwood. He had a steady job, good friends, and a relationship with a actual living, breathing person.. Not to shade Montana or anything, of course. However he had taken all of those things for fucking granted; moving to Camp Redwood definetly had made him become humble- at the very least. He was now nothing but a mere shell of the person he once was; nothing to bring him out of this absolute living nightmare he found himself in.. At first this mindset nearly consumed him, it drove him to kill multiple times.

There was no point in trying to conceal the anger he felt, no way of trying to channel it out into a more socially appropriate way and at this point.. there really was no point in trying to do so. Out here in the forest, espically after he was killed, life outside of the forest soon seemed as if it was some type of myth or fairytale- something not real or attainable. Time in the redwood forest felt different- days quickly bled and melted into weeks, and then months.. trying to guess the date was something Xavier gave up on doing after about the first week.

As much as he tried to deny it, being dead and becoming trapped here had completly made him lose his grip on reality and his previous life. Soon enough, the thought that life even fully existed outside of the camp and that there was actual fucking laws against killing (something which was now a leisurely hobby) had completly slipped his mind momentarily in the beginning as well. Out here in the forest, nothing felt real execpt for his anger that he held onto so tightly.

It was really the only thing he had left; atleast for a while.

The pain of losing his partner, (y/n), still remained but letting that grief not consume him was easily the hardest battle he had fought in his life. Xavier realized he still had his friends - and if he really was going to live for eternity, he sure wasnt going to spend it angry.

After so many years of being 'cursed' to spend forever in this forest, keeping track of the time was something Xavier rarely bothered with, but - it was obvious by the suns posistion, and even the slight mist that made the grass wet that it was just starting to cut into morning. Xavier walked through the forest alone, nowhere in particular to go or to necessarily do, only a sudden need to go and be alone. Almost a beckoning, for him to go and be somewhere else. To witness something.

His days were more often than not purely mundane; he had absolutely no excuse to not listen to this odd and sudden attraction he felt toward a very particular spot in the camp.. so, that's what brought him to where he stood now. Close to the road that brought visitors (a nice word for victims) into Camp Redwood, right next to the mess hall which was rarely used close by.

Xavier felt wildly uncomfortable standing so close to the place which previously held so much trauma - and honestly still did.. The place where Chef Bertie died. Xavier paused, about to just say 'fuck it' and just give up and go back to where his friends resided (or atleast Montana) when.. he heard it.

His sign, the thing that seemingly enticed him in the first place.

It first sounded like the old, familar sounds of tires coming across a gravel road - Xaviers mind immeadietly jumped to perhaps this could be new people.. new vistors.. new victims.

His blood ran cold when he heard something else; an eerie ringing of chains hitting against the ground. Something that was mostly a associated with buses.. and hauntingly familar. He had little to no time to think or even act on his suspicion when he noticed that a yellow school bus full, and nearly combusting with children was pulling into the camp.

Xavier wasnt exactly certain the bounds that ghosts had when it came to certain bodily functions like vomiting, but hes sure that under normal circumstances he would certainly be sick by now. Nevertheless he could feel his body tense up and the other natural symptoms associated with anxiety also kicked in. Urging him to clumsily get out of vision; he stumbled behind a few trees that poorly blocked him from sight. He continued to watch in complete and utter horror as the bus came to a stop, and it didnt take long for kids to start pouring out of the bus. Xavier felt his heart drop and his blood run cold every time a kid exited the bus and stepped on the dirt soil of Camp Redwood.

Xavier whipped his head around; scanning the surrounding area to make sure no other ghosts were here to bear witness to this.. Xavier was nearly always down to commit murder, it was really the only thing that kept him from fully going insane from pure fucking boredom but - kids? There was no fucking way he would let anyone touch them.

While he thoroughly scanned the area, he noticed a few adults leave the bus out of his periphery vision. He thought nothing of it, chaperones were to be expected on elementary field trips but.. the strange beckoning feeling he felt ealier visited him again, urging him to turn his head fully and look at one of the chaperones more closely. Instantaneously, he then automatically realized why he felt so compelled to come to this spot.. Why he was meant to be here at this exact moment.. It was you.

At first he thought he was merely hallucinating; you definetly looked significantly different from the last time he had saw you but.. he knew it was you, his partner that he had before his life completly went to shit (minus the catastrophe that occured with Blake, of course). He knew instantly, it was your eyes, your stature and just.. your overall warm and familiar aura that gave your identity away. He couldnt believe that the person he had so fucking desperately wanted to see more than anyone or anything was only a few feet away - and now, that you were finally here... All he wanted for you to do was to leave.

As soon as he saw you he felt a sudden tightness posses his chest and throat which accompanied the formation of tears burning his eyes; hastily blurring his vision. He had to physically restrain himself from sobbing outloud; trying his best to just swallow down his tears. His whole body felt as if it was on fire with anxiety, but he chose to continue to stand still behind a few dainty trees - trying to pull himself together so he could actually have the chance to think critically and choose what the ever living fuck he was going to do next.

While he waited for his blurry vision to clear, he chose to focus on the semi distant figure that he knew was you. He took in the little details; like how the sun highlighted the colors in your hair and your simple but charming outfit. It took him several moments to think of why you would even be here in the first place, with a school bus- and thats when another dreadful realization hit him.

Only parents were mainly chaperones when it came to elementary field trips.. meaning-

No other thought crossed Xaviers mind as his eyes flicked down inhumanely fast to the child where (y/n) stood next too.. and immeadietly he knew.

The features the child shared of both you and Xavier were partially a giveaway, but most importantly.. it was the feeling he had that confirmed his belief. The initial anxiety he felt of the kids arriving still remained but was significantly muted and mostly replaced with a overwhelming sense of pure love. The feeling spread to every fiber of his being, and so did a odd urge to protect this small being which he knew was his.

Not ever in his entire life had he felt this way about someone (execpt for perhaps, you). He felt himself taking a few steps forward, at first completly involuntary but he knew he had to talk to you. Just the idea of reuniting tasted so fucking good but, he knew he couldnt get too greedy if he was going to talk to you. He knew confronting you had to be solely done in order to save you and his child, he couldnt get carried away. He wouldnt.

He tried his best to appear casual as he submerged from behind the trees, his hands held behind his back - the only way he could get them to stop shaking. He tried to relax his shoulders and appear confident as he strided up to you; your back turned toward him. He continued until he was directly behind you, he wanted to tap your shoulder but - touching you seemed out of the question. That would confirm everything, it would make it seem actually real and not like this just some torturous dream.

"(Y/n)"? He spoke.

Xaviers breath hitched as he watched you whip around to face him. He studied your features as you went from looking utterly confused to surprised beyond belief.

"Xavier, what-"

"We need to talk".

Xavier quickly grabbed your hand, leading you away from herd of kids and the few sparse chaperones that were amongst them. A few of them gave you two a few odd looks but neither you or Xavier particularly cared, after all this was the first time in years you two had seen eachother. You hastily followed his lead, feeling slightly embarrassed that it was obvious how nervous and simply caught off guard you currently were. Your palms (one of which was still holding onto Xaviers hand) were starting to moisten with sweat. These feelings only amplified once Xavier turned around to face you. The intensity that was in his eyes put you on edge - never in your time of dating or knowing him did he ever look so serious with you.

"What are you doing here"? Xavier spoke, his voice was still in a higher pitch, slightly breaking.

"What"?

After years of not being able to see you, in fact; years of you not even knowing where he went - this was how he chose to greet you?? Automatically your blood ran cold with the sudden realization that something was wrong. Seriously wrong.. but the feeling didnt just apply to your ex boyfriend. It was the entire camp.

"Its not safe here, you need to take the kids and leave". Xaviers voice more visibly shook this time as he spoke; as if his words physically pained him.

Your heart skipped a beat, the sudden pain and anguish starting to fully settle in. You couldnt believe it; after years of not seeing you - this was all he had to say? Was he fucking joking?

"What? A-are you kidding? Xavier, I havent seen you in years- I didnt even know you would be here-"

"I'm sorry (y/n). I'm so sorry but you have no idea what this place is like. You just need to go, and the kids. And promise me you wont come back".

It was torturous to watch tears gather in Xaviers eyes, and watch as they streaked down his cheeks. The sadness you previously felt was now washed away with red, hot rage. The feeling spread throughout your body like a wildfire that he was seemingly rejecting you.. but you knew now this wasnt some pathetic excuse. Something was seriously wrong here; and now it was starting to become too obvious to ignore.

Xavier looked hauntingly the exact same from the last time you saw him. He forever, looked as if he was still stuck in the same moment of time - like in the summer of 1984, which was when you last saw him.

You didnt realize you were still holding onto one of his hands until you reflexively tried to move it to brush away his tears that were still staining his cheeks; but awkwardly.. you chose to do so with your other hand. Squeezing the one hand you were still holding onto a bit tighter.

He winced as you touched him, and as much you tried your damn best to hold it together - you could feel tears starting to burn your eyes as well.

"I cant promise I wont ever come back, Xavier. I need to see you again, and what about-" you said softly, about to reference the child you two shared together.

"No, you'll see me again (y/n). I promise.. okay"?

He brought your hand up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles; the tears you trying so desperately to hold in were now sliding down your cheeks. Your breathing was now horribly choppy. You were on the brink of full on sobbing but you held yourself back - it was nearly time for you to go.

The fact you would have to go back to go the others and make up some bullshit excuse to leave, put a bitter taste in your mouth.. but your sure Xavier had a valid reason for ushering you to leave. Even if he didnt want to tell you right now; you trusted him with your life.

"Okay.. Fine. I'm coming back though, and I'm sorry I couldnt find you sooner". You admitted.

You dropped his hand that you were still holding in order to wrap your arms around him. To get one final touch to remember him by. You were desperate to fully touch him and to be wrapped in his embrace, something you had desperately and madly missed. As he held you; you tried to soak in his scent, his aura.. just the fact that he was even here seriously with you, in this moment.

You previously assumed Xavier had passed away; that was easier to come to terms with rather than thinking he willingly ran away or.. that something else more sinister had happened. A part of you wanted to be frustrated that you were leaving with more questions than answers but.. you didnt care. Your heart didnt care. You were just happy you were able to see your boyfriend.. no matter the circumstance or conditions it came with. Even though you were stupidly happy, your thoughts kept annoyingly circling back to the same question - how was Xavier here with you, living.. breathing.. in the flesh. How was this possible? You were about to speak your thoughts outloud when you first felt Xavier break away from you. You didnt get as much as a second glance just when you felt something soft on your cheek. Perhaps a goodbye kiss? and then.. just like he wasnt there at all, he was gone. Almost as if he completly disintegrated into the fresh, morning sky.

You felt your entire body stiffen as you realized he was gone.. again. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly how you felt. It was a nasty mix of both grief and anger that left you completly speechless and deathly still. You took a step back to combat the feeling, and attempted to look casual (and not like the person whom you were just hugging had completly fucking vanished). Sheepishly taking a look at the group you had arrived with and making sure none of them noticed your.. odd behavior.

Sure enough, none of them did. They all stood, and continued on conversing just like they were before you had broke away from them. Smiling and laughing as if nothing was wrong; just like they didnt have a care in the world - just as if the love of their life wasnt ripped away from them for a second time.

Even though Xavier was now gone, that odd, unsettling feeling still lingered with you. Like something was terribly wrong here, in Camp Redwood. The feeling wasn't entirely bad though; sure - the overall air in this place reeked of something terrible but.. now you felt something else mixed into it. A comforting essence of safety; Xaviers presence. You knew he wasnt directly beside you anymore but he was somewhere.. lurking. Watching you, as you begrudgingly walked over to the group you came with. Making up a bullshit excuse in your head so you could escape whatever this place was pretending to be.

Taglist: @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @instincts-baby let me know if u would like to be added!! :)

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 18, second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Hey OP where’s the funny header gif for this post? Sorry, it was murdered by an angst demon and the framing of these shots.

My Found Family Came to Find Me

Continuing our flashback from last time, we see Baby Wei Ying up a tree, refusing to come down because he's afraid there are dogs. Eventually he falls out of the tree, like a dumbass a child, and Yanli tries but fails to catch him. 

Unlike his grownup counterpart, Baby Wei Ying doesn't pretend he's unhurt when he is hurt. I'd like to put the change at Yu Ziyuan's door, but actually he admits to being hurt during his Gusu summer - he mimics Lan Zhan's stoicism when they're getting beaten, but it doesn't come naturally to him, and he whines a lot afterwards. 

By the time of the Animatronic Dog incident, however, he's laughing off obvious injuries that have secret trauma behind them. By the time he comes back, coreless, from the burial mounds, he won't confide in anyone about his hurts any more, except possibly Wen Qing.

Yanli carries Wei Ying, in a sequence that will be echoed much later in his life when Lan Zhan carries him (gifset here). While they head back, she tells him that Jiang Cheng has a bad temper and to ignore whatever mean things he says. This will also be echoed in the future, when Wei Wuxian says it to Lan Zhan after their argument with Jiang Cheng in the shrine.

Yanli also explains that Jiang Cheng loved his dogs and that he's been very sad since Jiang Fengmian sent them away, demonstrating once again that Jiang Fengmian is a terrible father. Yanli says that Jiang Cheng will be happy to have a friend with him, though. This kind of makes Wei Wuxian's role in Jiang Cheng's life "replacement dog."

Jiang Cheng, after getting over this particular snit, got worried about Wei Wuxian and woke up Yanli to find him, and then went wandering around in the dark like a dumbass a child, and is banged up and crying when the other two find him. Yanli encourages him to apologize to Wei Wuxian and he does, which will not happen again until the very end of the show.  

They all smile and laugh together, as Wei Ying looks to Yanli to guide him through the insanity that his life has suddenly become. 

(more behind the cut!)

They head back to Lotus Pier in a sweet montage of walking and smiling together, with Jiang Cheng carrying the world's most beautiful candle holder with the world's most wind-resistant candle in it, to light their way back. Back in the present day for a brief moment, Jiang Cheng pretends to sleep and listens to his sister insisting that the three of them should always stay together, while a single tear rolls down the side of his face.

Soup is Love, Chapter 1 of 1000

Then we head to the past again. In Jiang Cheng & Wei Ying's now-shared room, Wei Ying sits on the bed trying to figure out how to deal with his grumpy new roommate.

Wei Ying is unsure what to do when confronted with pajama game this strong. Tiny Jiang Cheng is already a fashion king. 

Then he tells Jiang Cheng he's not going to narc him out to the clan leader, since it was his own fault that he hurt his leg. This is all Jiang Cheng needs to hear to decide Wei Ying is all right, and he says that he will help Wei Ying chase away dogs in the future.  In fact, Wei Wuxian will protect Jiang Cheng from punishment basically forever, while Jiang Cheng will continue to threaten Wei Wuxian with dogs...forever.

They shake hands on their new understanding and then jump up and down laughing, Wei Ying's leg being all better now, apparently.  When Yanli arrives (carrying a tray of...can you guess? I'll let you guess), they stop jumping. Wei Ying dives in to give Jiang Cheng a little tickle/embrace in an adorable moment that would have me saying "oh, my ovaries!" if I hadn't surgically sent my ovaries to hell a few years ago.

Yanli introduces Wei Ying to the emotional and gustatorial miracle that is her lotus and ribs soup. He hesitates a long time before tucking in because he's so unused to being fed.

Consent? I Don’t Even Know Her

The flashback wraps up with Yanli conked out on the table from the drugs in the incense burner, while Wei Wuxian, who is somehow unaffected despite sitting almost as close to the smoke as she was, checks on her. Jiang Cheng and his Uggs period-appropriate sock thingies get out of bed to come stand with Wei Wuxian, and have feelings about sending Yanli away after she JUST said she doesn't want to be parted from them.

Wei Wuxian: If she didn't want us to do this, she shouldn't have signed that blanket consent-to-medical-treatment form.   Jiang Cheng: Wen Qing made me sign one of those plus a durable power of attorney, is that bad?

This episode is all about people overriding each others' agency and making massively important decisions without the consent of the people who will be affected. But in a feudal context, it's not a violation, no matter how it feels to the person being controlled. In feudal life, your body belongs to your lord -- your sect leader, in the world of CQL. Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng's choices are overridden by their clan leader's final command to Wei Wuxian.  Wei Wuxian's core is arguably Jiang Fengmian's property--Wei Wuxian certainly sees it that way, just as his hand was Yu Ziyuan's to take if she wished.  

The brothers tenderly tuck Yanli into bed in the rolly cart and hand her off to Song Lan. They talk about how important it is to get her to Lanling and that she's probably going to be mad, as they thank Song Lan for helping them. 

Yanli listens while she sleeps and, in what is becoming a trademark Jiang move, lets a single tear roll down the side of her face. Jiang Cheng points out that Yanli never gets mad at Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian is like, true dat.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

Song Lan is always so emotional about every damn thing, I love him. Here he's like OH GOD NO DON'T FORMALLY THANK ME! STOP!!!

Then he starts to ask Wei Wuxian to pass a message to Song Xingchen for him, but then decides not to say anything, making it super obvious that they fought and aren't together. 

Wei Wuxian reacts to this with confusion and distress, probably because he doesn't want to imagine ever having a breakup with his own soulmate. Which he soon will be having.  But possibly he's just upset that his OTP broke up.

After Song Lan takes off, Jiang Cheng gives Wen Qing a rude & perfunctory thank-you bow, turning away before she can return it. Wei Wuxian tells her not to take it to heart - basically everyone who deals with Jiang Cheng gets a version of the "ignore what he says" speech. She says she understands and that in his place she would have behaved worse, which is so totally not true.  

Then she asks Wei Wuxian if he's sure about the core transfer (not in so many words, because the script is being kind of being vague about it, without actually hiding what's happening). His reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.

Then he and Jiang Cheng walk off, with Jiang Cheng giving us a rear view that had me googling Wang Zhuocheng's fashion shoots to determine if that wagon he's draggin’ is really as delightful as this belt makes it look. Alas, there is not a wealth of photographic evidence for this research, as compared to, for example, photos of Xiao Zhan's outstanding ass.

Wen Qing and Wen Ning see them off, with Wen Qing wishing they valued their lives more. Although, what she and Wen Ning are doing is massive treason, so their lives will be pretty much forfeit if they're caught, so...

The Sunshot Campaign of Like 60 Dudes

Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng walk up the mountain for the whole beginning of the Sunshot campaign, which...okay. Maybe it's like Dunkirk or The Witcher where they intercut stuff that is happening in different timeframes, which is one of my least favorite new film style thingies.

You know, for a guy Wei Wuxian constantly calls "peacock," Jin Ziyuan really doesn't wear a lot of adornment; just some subtle metalwork on his belt with no dangly bits at all, and a single reasonably-sized hair crown. Compared to the extremely fancy Lan Wangji he's almost plain. We already know that Wei Wuxian is a massive hypocrite when it comes to his idea of a perfect boy, however.

So, this is the Lanling Jin army, which consists of literally 60 guys, including the ones on the stairs and Jin Zixuan and Douchebag Dad. How are they going to fight a war with this tiny group? Why do they have such a big plaza? Hasn't anybody on this production learned CGI cloning?

That’s better.

Nie Mingjue and his best bitch Baxia make quick work of the 4 Wen guys who were assigned to hold the Unclean Realm. 

Hello, Daddy Da-Ge!

Squeeee, it's Lan Wangji! He's taking back Cloud Recesses! Ooooohhh we've missed you Lan Wangji.

Look guys he's here! Look how beautiful he is. He's looking at the gate of cloud recesses and thinking thoughts that Lan Xichen or Wei Wuxian could probably see in his bewitching eyes if they were here to see him, which they aren't. But at least he is here!

....and now he's gone again. *cries*

Hares On The Mountains

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian continue roaming prettily around this pretty mountainside. The locations in this show are such eye candy. 

Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains  Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains  If I was a young lass I’d soon go a hunting

Jiang Cheng starts to have doubts about the whole Baoshan Sanren thing. Wei Wuxian's reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.  

Then we have just the tenderest blindfolding scene, (more gifs here), which is fodder for your ChengXian dreams, if you have those.

Here's a good place for a sidebar about what is and isn't incest. Whee! In the CDrama context, relationships tend to be more clearly defined than in western media. The mechanism of confession & acceptance means that people either are or are not in a romantic relationship, with few grey areas. So a character can literally say "we grew up as brother and sister, but now we are dating" and when someone looks startled they just say "there's no blood relation" and everyone is like "cool cool" and that's the new definition of the relationship.

For a strong example of this, the extremely wonderful Go Ahead is about a contemporary family in which a girl and two boys, who are not blood relatives, are all raised together, and call each other brother and sister. When they become adults, they and everyone around them expect the girl (now a woman) to marry one of the two men who have been her brothers, while whichever one she doesn't choose will carry on as her sibling. It's treated as the most natural, logical thing in the world; the only question is whether she wants to make that transition, and with whom.

Looked at through this lens, Wei Wuxian's relationships with his adoptive siblings have just as much potential to turn into romances as his relationships with his friends do, and there's nothing creepy about it. As such you can expect my meta to always get into ChengXian moments without treating it as a wrong or forbidden love. Hopeless, of course, because Jiang Cheng is such a prick the power of WangXian is stronger, but that's a different matter.

What is wrong is wearing this fantastic hat & veil combination when the most fashionable person on the mountain is blindfolded and can't see it.

In the course of this blindfolded encounter with Wen Qing, Jiang Cheng gets to kneel before a powerful woman, be led along by a length of silk that's placed in his hand, and then knocked the fuck out and operated on. He'll wake up in a hotel room in a tub full of ice with "we took your kidney" written on the mirror in lipstick, and he'll love every minute of it.  

Soundtrack: 1. Still Fighting it, by Ben Folds 2. Hares on the Mountain, by Steeleye Span

Writing Prompt: The NEXT time somebody blindfolds Jiang Cheng

[prettyboyreid]

can you read to me? (III)

(part one) (part two)

Even after a silly fight, the reader can’t seem to go to sleep without Matthew next to her.

College!Matthew Gray Gubler x Reader

Warnings: language, angst

Word Count: 3681

The next few days seemed to drone on and on. 

Finals.  Lunch.  Finals.  Studying. 

It was an endless cycle that felt like it would never end for you.  Thankfully, on Friday, you had a ticket back home for Christmas break, which had just been delayed two days due to the snowy, icy New York weather.  The bad part was that it was only Wednesday.

You hadn’t talked to Matthew since Monday.  The second time you had seen him in almost a month, and you had fought yet again.  You wanted to talk to him again - you could hardly sleep without listening to him talk - but God you didn’t know if you could handle another argument. 

You were in the middle of reviewing for your chemistry final (thankfully, the last science class you might ever need to take) when the door to your dorm creaked open slowly and steadily.  Your roommate, Mia, peeked her head through the crack in the door, giving you a soft smile once she saw you look up from the laptop.

“Hey,” she said in a gentle voice, stepping fully into the room once you returned the smile.  “The end of the semester party is tonight.  Do you want to go with me?” she asked you, folding her arms over her chest as she leaned back against the door.

You gave her a simple shrug, closing the laptop as you turned your full attention to her.  “I don’t know, I have to study for my final,” you began to explain, letting out a huff of breath at the thought of studying stoichiometry or the periodic table for another second.  She frowned, moving to sit on the edge of your bed before resting her hand on your duvet-covered leg.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” she asked, giving you a sympathetic look.  It wasn’t too hard for her to figure out that it had something to do with Matthew; he had been in our room practically every day since we started dating freshman year, and now she hadn’t seen him in three weeks.  You used to not be able to shut up about him and any of his weird quirks; you had hardly spoken, especially since Monday.  She was good at reading people - there was no question about that - but it didn’t take a genius to figure out your heart was slowly breaking during what was supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year. 

You sighed heavily, pushing away from your small, cluttered desk and rubbing at your eyes with the heels of your hands.  “He, uh… we got into a fight,” you told her, looking down at your lap a bit as she rested a comforting hand on top of yours.  “He got pissed at me for hanging out with Jack a couple weeks back, and I got pissed about him hanging out with Lydia, so we hadn’t talked in two weeks.  I, uh, couldn’t sleep Sunday night and I went down to his room, and it seemed fine, then when I went to talk to him later…” you chewed on the inside of your cheek, hesitant to talk about one of the people that irked you the worst in the world.  “... Lydia was in his room, and he told me she tried to kiss him when we weren’t talking,” you told her softly, your voice trailing off a bit as you thought more and more about it.

The past few days, you pushed it to the back of your mind.  You didn’t want to think about either of them, the way Lydia made you second-guess every second Matthew went back to his room and went back home for break, and the way Matthew used to make you feel, the same things that used to give you butterflies now making you want to vomit at the first thought of him. 

“Shit, I’m… I’m sorry, Y/N,” was all your roommate managed out after a few silent moments.   You didn’t think Mia would know much about this sort of thing - she had never  been one for relationships, especially ones that lasted as long as yours and Matthew’s.  But, to your surprise, she was always able to make you feel better about anything that happened in your relationship.  This, as you had suspected, was no different. 

“How about we get you out of the dorm tonight.  You’re almost done with your finals, and you leave in two days.  You could use a little down time,” she coaxed, nudging your shoulder playfully with a wide grin.  

The thought was tempting.  You didn’t want to spend one of your last winters at New York University wallowing in self-pity; it wasn’t exactly your first choice of past times.

“Fine,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair.  “But we have to be back before one; my last final is at ten A.M. tomorrow and I can’t be late for it,” you told her, and her face lit up with a smile.  

“Great!  That’s perfect.  I’ll stay sober so you can let loose a little bit.  God knows you deserve it,” she said, winking at you before standing up from her chair.  “Wear that red shirt that makes your boobs look good!” she called to you from the doorway, presumably going down the hall to get ready with some of her friends.  You laughed softly but nodded, giving her a soft smile as she turned to head out the door. 

-

The second you made your way through the threshold of the fraternity house that hosted the party, a drink was thrusted into your hand.  Mia took hers happily, handing it over to you.  “You need it more than me,” she grinned, dumping the blue tinted liquid into your solo cup before tossing the empty cup into a nearby garbage can. 

You looked around the packed room for a moment, shoving your free hand in the back pocket of your jeans while Mia began talking with the first person that she noticed who came into her peripheral vision.  You couldn’t say you were too surprised with this - she was much more social than you were.  

You found yourself wandering around the first floor of the house, tapping your fingertips against your leg to the beat of whatever song was blaring through the speakers.  The longer you stood meandering through the packed house, however, the more you realized this really was the last place that you wanted to be. 

You still sipped from the drink as you made your way up the steps of the house, hoping to find a bit of solitude from the sleazy frat boys and the girls who were only being nice because they were intoxicated.  You sat down on the top step of the carpeted staircase, taking a long sip of your drink before you practically felt yourself jumping out of your skin at the sound of a familiar voice.

“Y/N?”

You turned around, probably much quicker than you should have, only to see Matthew towering over you.  The bags under his eyes had returned, and he had a cup in his hand that looked much more empty than your own.  You stood up a bit and chewed on the inside of your cheek, wondering whether or not the best place to talk was in the middle of a sweaty and loud fraternity house.  

“Hey, Matthew,” you said softly, scratching at the back of your neck somewhat anxiously.  You didn’t know what you were supposed to say to him - it felt like it was wrong to even be in the same house as him right now. 

He looked down into his cup when you spoke to him, as if he was trying to avoid the situation at hand.  But you knew Matthew Gubler better than anyone else, and you knew he definitely wanted to fix things right now. 

“I-I’m really sorry about everything that happened with Lydia,” he said honestly, though it came out so quickly you were sure you had misheard him at first.  You just nodded in response, taking another sip of your drink as you tried to turn your focus to anyone - anything - else that you could see. 

You saw him frown a little bit at that, and he looked down to his feet again.  You followed his gaze for a brief moment, and fought back the urge to smile when you noticed his mix-matched socks - one of them red with black stripes, the other purple with blue polka dots sprayed all over them. 

“I know you are,” you told him after a few silent moments, still keeping your concentration on the ground in front of you.  For some reason, now it felt almost too nerve-wracking to even look at him, like you had never known him.  Was it a bit dramatic?  Maybe, but the Matthew that you knew wouldn’t have acted the way he had the past few weeks. 

You didn’t even want to think about it more than you have been the past two nights.  

He stayed silent for a few more minutes, dragging his fingertips and nails across the grooves embedded in the plastic solo cup in his hand. He looked to you again when he finally found the words that he needed, running his hand back through his hair.  “Do you want to… do you want to go back and talk about it a bit?” he asked softly, swirling his drink around in his cup a bit.  

Right now, the last place you wanted to be was where Lydia had been.  But at the same time, it was the only place you really wanted to be, like it was the only place you thought you would be okay.  

You just nodded after a few moments and set your cup down on the thick wooden banister, shoving your hands into your pockets before walking down the steps, assuming Matthew was hardy two steps behind you.

The walk back to the dorm building was almost eerily quiet.  The only sound you could hear, or probably just register, was the loud crunching of the freshly fallen snow beneath yours and Matthew’s feet.  You didn’t really need to look back to him to make sure he was following you, you just knew he was.  

You flashed your school ID card over the scanner before walking into the building, heading up towards the elevator and pressing the button to go up.  Once you stepped into the elevator cart, everything seemed to get  even quieter.  You could swear you could hear your heart beating in your chest, the cart moving much slower than usual.

Floor one.

Floor two.

Floor three.

Floor four. 

Floor five. 

With a short ding, the large metal doors finally peeled apart, and you let out a heavy sigh.  The ride up felt like a chore, and you could practically feel yourself getting claustrophobic trying not to look or speak to Matthew.  

You led him down to the end of the hall, opposite of his dorm, and pulled your keys out of your pocket.  You felt his eyes on you - not in a weird way, though it gave you butterflies when that was the last thing you wanted to feel at that moment. 

You unlocked the door and pushed it open, hanging your keys up on a hook beside your door and flicking on the lights.  It looked much more empty than it usually did, given you and your roommate were mostly packed up to go home for a month.  You had duffel bags and suitcases scattered around the room, along with a few grocery bags so none of your snacks would expire while you were gone. 

After a few moments of silence, you turned back to Matthew with your arms folded across your chest.  “What?  What did you have to say?” you asked him, your words coming off much more harsher than you really intended them to be.

You watched a twitch of a frown flash across his lips before his lips pressed into a flat line, sitting down on Mia’s bed, across from where you were standing at the moment.  He looked like he was mulling over every single possible word he could say to you in his head, but he didn’t know which was best.  He looked up at you after a few moments, wring his hands out in his lap as he took a deep intake of breath.

“I’m really sorry.”

Your nose twitched a bit as you listened to him, letting out a heavy breath through your nose.  You had heard him say he was sorry before, why was this time supposed to be any different?  

“Sorry?” you asked with a bit of a scoff.  “You’re sorry that you kissed another girl while you thought we were still together?” 

“I didn’t kiss her first!” he defended himself, running his hands down his dark blue jeans as he shook his head a bit.  “I don’t know what else you want me to say about it, I am sorry.  I didn’t want to kiss her,” he told you, the words rolling off of his tongue as if each syllable took a weight off his shoulders. 

You huffed out again and kicked off your shoes, shoving them under your bed as you listened to him.  “Why would you invite her over if she kissed you, then?” you asked, sitting down on your bed and folding your hands together in your lap.  You weren’t sure whether or not you really wanted the answer to that question, but you looked to him expectantly and waited for his excuse for your question. 

As you expected, he was silent for a few moments.  Much longer than you would’ve liked, in fact.  But eventually, he quietly spoke up with the same answer you had heard before.  “I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t,” you frowned, looking over at your desk where you still had a picture of the two of you framed in the far corner of it.  

“I’m sorry, okay?  It was stupid.  I shouldn’t have even talked to her after that.  I shouldn’t have let her into my room and I should’ve just let her be after she kissed me.  I don’t know what else I can do to make this better,” he told you, running his hands back through his hair and tugging a bit on the ends of it.  

You looked down at your socks as you listened to him, trying to shake the thought of everything that had happened.  You didn’t want to forgive him, and you really shouldn’t, but you knew he pushed her off.  

But he also let her in afterwards.

“I’m sorry.  She asked how everything was going with you, and I wanted to tell her what was happening since we were going to lunch, and she just… she kind of made her way in, I guess?” he tried to explain, letting his hands do some of the talking as he tried to clear the situation.  

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, checking the time on your alarm clock before sighing, going over to one of your duffel bags and pulling out a pair of sweatpants.  You changed out of your jeans and into the sweats quickly, pulling your hair up into a loose ponytail before pulling the comforter on your bed back and looking over to him.  “Come on,” you said softly, nodding towards the bed.  

He furrowed his eyebrows together as he watched her, but still slowly stood up and made his way over to her.  “You… you’re not mad?” he asked, kicking off his Converse shoes before carefully climbing into the small bed.  

“I don’t know what I am right now,” you confessed, getting in the bed next to him.  “But I haven’t slept well in over two weeks, and I know you haven’t either, and I’d rather get one good sleep before I go home than spend the night arguing,” you told him, flicking off the light next to your bed before resting your head on his chest.

He nodded softly, sinking down a bit so he was lying flat on his back so the two of you could be more comfortable.  “What do you want me to read to you?” he asked quietly, looking up at the ceiling as he waited silently and patiently for your response. 

“Can you read Annabel Lee again?” you asked quietly, letting your eyes adjust slowly to the darkness around you as he cleared his throat a bit, knowing he was focusing on the ceiling so he wouldn’t forget anything. 

“It was many and many a year ago,

In a kingdom by the sea,

That a maiden there lived whom you may know

By the name of Annabel Lee;

And this maiden she lived with no other thought

Than to love and be loved by me…”

You let your eyes slowly close as his voice slowly lulled you to sleep, worried you wouldn’t even be able to stay up for the rest of the poem.

 “I was a child and she was a child,

In this kingdom by the sea,

But we loved with a love that was more than love—

I and my Annabel Lee—

With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven

Coveted her and me.

 “And this was the reason that, long ago,

In this kingdom by the sea,

A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling

My beautiful Annabel Lee;

So that her highborn kinsmen came

And bore her away from me,

To shut her up in a sepulchre

In this kingdom by the sea.”

His long, slender fingers eventually found their way to your hair, pushing some loose, fallen strands from your face as he spoke.  The words rolled easily off his tongue, like he didn’t even have to think about them.  

 “The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,

Went envying her and me—

Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,

In this kingdom by the sea)

That the wind came out of the cloud by night,

Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

 “But our love it was stronger by far than the love

Of those who were older than we—

Of many far wiser than we—

And neither the angels in Heaven above

Nor the demons down under the sea

Can ever dissever my soul from the soul

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;”

His voice was much more rigid and stoic than the last time he recited the poem to you, like he was reading from the pages the first time he read it to you.  Like he was detached, like he almost… didn’t care as much as he used to. 

“For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes

Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side

Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,

In her sepulchre there by the sea—

In her tomb by the sounding sea.”

You looked carefully up at him, making sure not to disturb him, before frowning a bit.  His face was focused on your ceiling, almost looking bored, like he had better places to be.  You sighed and rested your head on his chest, slowly but surely falling into another slumber.  

 -

By the time you woke up a few hours later, you couldn’t help but frown at the lack of warmth surrounding you.  You rubbed tiredly at your eyes as you looked around the empty room, seeing your roommate had already cleared out for break. 

You looked to your side, seeing an empty bed that differed from what you saw last night.  You sat up and leaned back against your pillows, before you caught sight of a loose piece of paper on your desk. 

You reached over and grabbed it, smiling sadly when you saw the scrawled, curly handwriting that spelled out your name on the front of it.  You carefully unfolded it, your smile quirking down into a glower when you saw what the letter wrote.

“Y/N,

I love you.  I really, really do.  

But now isn’t a great time for either of us.  

I can’t put you through what you’ve gone through the past two weeks over all of Christmas break.  I don’t want to make you have to deal with all of that again. 

I’m sorry I left without saying anything, but my flight was early and I couldn’t miss it; my mom wanted me home tonight for a big family dinner.

If you want to talk over break, you know my number, and you can call me whenever.  I’ll always answer.  

I love you, my Annabel Lee. 

(In the totally not necrophiliac way)

     Matthew <3”

You couldn’t help but frown as you read it, but shoved the flimsy paper into your back pocket.  You didn’t want to think about what he had written, or even think about him at all.  You just packed up the last of your clothes that you would need for the month, pushing down the pictures of you and Matthew, or just Matthew, whenever you came across them in your room.  

When you finally packed up, you grabbed all of your bags and brought them out into the hall, setting them down on the ground as you locked up.  As you did, however, you couldn’t help but frown as you found yourself looking down towards the other end of the hall, hoping to see Matthew coming out of his dorm all of a sudden, laughing and being happy like he usually was. 

But instead, you were met with a dark hall, piles of snow mounted on the windows darkening the hallways.  It almost made you feel sick, the way the light seemed to drain out of your entire life the second Matthew was gone.  

As you walked down the hall to the elevators, you silently wished that you could go back and change everything, make it all right. 

But you knew it was too late. 

------

taglist: @spencerreid-mgg​

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[pillowfluffs]

Pregnancy | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jaehyun X Reader (female) 

Genre: fluffy, domestic! 

Author’s Note: v long! Also, thank you @dreamyclown​ aka @sunboikyo00​ for helping me write this ah ha ha 

Warnings: pregnancy! Child birth! 

This was it

You were going to be a mother with the man you loved and married, Jung Jaehyun

It all felt so exciting and you felt closer than ever to him knowing you were going to be bringing a life into this world as a symbol of your and Jaehyun’s love

It made you really nervous thinking about starting a family, but there was nothing to big or small he wasn’t able to soothe or help walk you through

God he loved you so much

You two were entering a new chapter in your lives and it was going to be nine to ten months long

And he told you he was going to be by your side the best he could

A bit after you two had spent a long night together, making sweet love, you waited to see if your period would appear or not

To your avail, it didn’t but to be extra sure, you went to the doctors a little more than a week after your period was supposed to end

He knew you would be going to the doctor’s at one point instead of using a pregnancy test and he hoped to go with you, but you wanted it to be a surprise. But you didn’t tell him you were going, only telling him you were running errands while he was at work

Soon, you were happily able to leave the doctor’s office with confirmation of your successful pregnancy and now you could surprise Jaehyun

To start, you prepared dinner with his favorite foods but only a few dishes so it wasn’t obvious that you had good news

You went to the grocery store to pick up a few crabs so you could make crab meat fried rice, one of his favorite dishes as well as the things you needed to prepare takoyaki

When he came home was a challenge for you since you couldn’t contain your excitement to see how he would react

Jaehyun had asked you about having kids before and he expressed how he would love to start a family one day with you

There was no one else he could ask for in life and no one else he would start a family with

You welcomed him home with your usual voice, restricting yourself from throwing your arms around him

He came from behind while you were cooking one of the few last dishes, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you cooked, complimenting how delicious everything looked

With that said, he took a shower as you finished the final meals so when he came down, he had his feast awaiting for him

It was so hard to keep it in and you so desperately had to tell someone so you messaged your best friend about news you had. You couldn’t contain the smile on your face as you texted, you didn’t even notice Jaehyun as he leaned in the entranceway of the kitchen

When you looked up, he was already looking at you, admiring your smile, the one he fell in love with many moons ago and he still loved every time he saw it

“What is it?” He asked with his dimple on his cheek as he sat across from you in the kitchen

“Uh, I’ll tell you about it later,” you composed yourself as the two of you began to eat. “How was work?” You changed the subject

“It was pretty okay. Pretty normal as usual. How was your day? Did you finish your errands?” He asked as he shoved one of your mouth watering takoyaki into his mouth, savoring the flavors you were able to create while cooking

“I finished my errands,” you smiled, bubblier and a smile never leaving your face which made Jaehyun suspect something was up but he didn’t know what

He listened intently while the two of you spoke about your days and just talking about things in general and the thought of something being up with you soon drifted out of his mind, getting lost in the sound of your voice and words

After dinner, the two of you did the dishes together, settling into the living room to relax for the rest of the night

“Hey, Jae,” you peered to him as he relaxed against the back of the couch, turning his eyes down to you

He had his arm around your shoulder as you leaned onto his body, your head on his shoulder, your hands holding his

“Hm?”

“I love you,” your heart racing and your entire being, elated

And there it was again, his sweet dimple on his cheek as he smiled as he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your forehead

“I love you too,” he mumbled with his lips to your skin, his arm rubbing your shoulder, giving you a brief squeeze

“I’ll be right back,” you said as you stood from your comfy spot to which he nodded and latched his eyes to the screen

You went upstairs to the bedroom and pulled out the little gift you picked up from a store after your errands and brought the wrapped gift back down to him

Sitting beside him, he saw the simple, well wrapped gift, curious what it was and what was happening

“For you,” you said, simply handing the gift in his lap. He sat straighter, confused as what this could be. It wasn’t his birthday nor was it your anniversary anytime soon since it had passed last month

“What is it?” He asked holding the strange object in his lap

“Just open it,” you smiled. He did as you were told and unwrapped the wrapping paper, revealing the cover to his favorite childhood story. He had told you once about how he wished to find a copy but it unfortunately was hard to find and expensive for one to be in good condition

“Oh my god, where did you find this?” He asked as he looked at the front and back, his mind not believing he was finally seeing this book again after so many years and in decent condition too

his childhood memories of his father or mother reading this to him flooding his mind, nostalgia filling him

“I have my ways, but there’s one more thing. Open the cover,” you said as you but your lip, unable to contain anything, feeling your heart pounding in your chest

He flipped open the front cover finding your handwriting on a note you had attacked to the slightly worn cover

“To Jae. You can reminisce in your childhood and read this to our...” his voice died off as he read the remaining in his mind, unable to process, looking up to you with his eyes wide, his hand covering his mouth

“Read it!” Your eyes sparkled

“To our future child,” his voice shook as it felt like his world was suddenly stopping and suddenly accelerating

“Are you serious?” His heart beginning to race faster in his chest, the tiredness he felt from work suddenly gone

“Yes,” you nodded, finally letting all the happiness out. Jaehyun suddenly went stiff from his spot, and took you into his arms when you stood as well. He took you into his embrace and spun you around the spacious living room, his thoughts so sporadic, he was unable to formulate any sentences

“When did you find out?” He asked as he held your hands, finally able to speak properly with his eyes watering, his hand shaking just the slightest bit from all the exhilaration he was feeling in his body

“Today,” you laughed as you reached your thumb up to wipe a tear that escaped from his eyes. “I went to the doctors to check on my errand trip.”

The night was spent in high spirits. Jaehyun let his emotions show as he held you closely all night, pressing kisses to you every now and then

On his day off on Thursday, two days since you had told him you were pregnant, he took you to your parents’ place and then his own, spreading the joyous news. Both parents were ecstatic and overjoyed, finally knowing they’ll have a grandchild. the day filled with being smothered in kisses and hugs, delicious foods, and love

Throughout the day, Jaehyun’s hand found yours, holding it dearly beneath the table, while he drove and he just couldn’t keep his hands off of you. Your family was growing, starting in your belly and his dream was now beginning to come true

You began to feel more tired and nauseous at night than usual and feeling more bloated as weeks went by, especially after eating any meal even though you still looked the same physically

Some mornings, however, you woke with morning sickness making you stumble out of bed to the bathroom. A few mornings, however, were very bad

Jaehyun did his best when he could if he hadn’t left for work yet. He got out of bed and squatted down behind you, holding your hair back and rubbing your back knowing this was the process you would be having to go through throughout childbirth but that process would be changing through the months to come

But it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle

He brought home snacks you liked hoping it would lift your mood, which it did, distracting you from the sickness you were feeling. holding you close when the two of you slept with his hands resting on your stomach as usual

He began to come home a bit earlier from work so the two of you could make dinner so it wasn’t just you. He took the doctor’s words seriously and he really hoped nothing would happen to you or the baby

His love for you was amplified. He wished he could stay home with you and just spend time with you with nothing to worry about or nothing on his mind but you, but work was a must

If he worked hard now, this meant in the future things would be easier financially and life would just be simpler  

Some nights when he came home early enough and dinner wasn’t too long, the two of you went out on walks under the sky as it changed colors right above your heads

He took pictures of you when you weren’t looking, keeping the memories to see you before your bump was to show

But most of the nights, he came home late

He worked longer and ahead, sure to call you when he could and let you know if he wouldn’t make it for dinner

Exhaustion began to take its toll on Jaehyun as well, going to sleep earlier, waking up but a bit earlier so he could maximize how much work he was getting done throughout the day

Mornings, he left before the sun was peeking over the horizon to avoid traffic and anything that could slow him down

So far since you found out when you were pregnant, the two of you made a trip to the doctors to check on the growth of the baby, which went by smoothly with nothing wrong so far but the doctor warned to not tire yourself too much

Now that you were within your fifth to sixth week, it was time for your first ultrasound even though you hadn’t even begun showing yet but it was scheduled by your doctor

You were laid on the cool leathery chair, leaned back at an angle with Jaehyun sitting beside you, the two of you talking about random things, how you were feeling. His hand never left yours

Everything went smoothly and the two of you finally got to see your baby in you even though it was the size of a bean

Weeks began to fly by as if they were nothing. Your symptoms were normal, you began to sleep more, eating smaller meals but more frequently since it felt like there was a hunger that was never going away

One morning, as you looked in the mirror, you stood in front of the mirror, looking at your stomach. You saw a tiny noticeable difference in the size of your stomach but you couldn’t tell if it was from weight gain or if you were finally beginning to show

But it was also roughly around your 16th week so there was a possibility

“Breakfast is ready,” Jaehyun peeked his head into the bathroom as you stood facing him, looking at your side in the mirror. “Is something wrong?” He asked stepping in, trying to read your face as you held your stomach

“No, I was just looking at myself,” you said, eyes still on your stomach

“You look beautiful,” he said as he stood behind you, now looking at you through the mirror. “My lovely wife,” his voice deep and rich in your ears with the faintest smell of coffee in his breath

“I mean,” you smiled. “I don’t know If this little bump is me staring to show or if it’s just the weight I gained from eating,” you said as you placed your hands on your stomach

“I guess we’ll find out in few time,” he said, his lips ghosting over your skin as the sun shined warmly through the skylight of the bathroom

But as jaehyun said, as time passed, you got your answer- you really began to show. You could see the faintest of marks appearing at the bottom of your stomach as your bump grew

During dinner, whenever you found yourself focusing on something whether it be reading or watching something, you found your hand on your own stomach though it wasn’t too big of a bump

Around your eighteenth week, you went back to the doctors with Jaehyun for your checkup, the first one before you would be returning back next month

The doctor spread the lubricant on your stomach before bringing the ultrasound transducer to your stomach and there it was

Your child was already about five inches long in your tummy

“Would you like to know the gender of your baby?” The doctor asked

“You can already tell?” You asked, surprised since the abby was only so small in your tummy

“Yep, and if you see here,” she pointed to something you couldn’t make out since it was a strange shape. “These are its ears so at this point, if you would like, you could talk to it. By doing so, they will help your newborn feel comforted and recognize your voice after delivery.”

“Oh, wow,” you said. You had heard of this before from your mother. She told you to talk to the baby as soon as you could but you honestly never thought it would work

Especially since the baby was inside of you

“So would you like the gender?” The doctor asked once again, making the two of you look at each other but you two had already discussed this

“Could we get it in an envelope?”

The two of you left together with an envelope that had the gender of your unborn child that was to be given to your best friend for they were to set up a gender reveal party

Your families were all eager to find out the gender themselves as soon as you guys found out so they could prepare their gifts and welcome the newest member of the family

After dropping off the invitation, the three of you sat down and planned to all meet two weeks from now on Sunday.  He gathering was close friends and family and a barbecue dinner for the main event

For the rest of the time and week, Jaehyun spent all his time with you, taking a few days off to spend some time with you

He brought you to a park for a picnic, making the two of you feel like you two were sweethearts still dating

He packed delicious meals he prepared without your knowing and brought you to one of the first places he took you after the two of you got together

He brought you to the park where he fell in love with who you were, where he fell in love with your soul and how easy you made it feel like he was floating on clouds being with you

His mind strayed to you, the way your eyes looked into his, how soft some of your features were, how strong others were. He wanted to see them again, to see you again

He wanted to feel the fresh air in his lungs when you were in his arms, how steady you could calm the storms of his life

Laid in his arms as the two of you looked up to the vast blue sky, a comfy silence fell upon the two of you

A breeze blew by, blowing through the branches of the trees, shaking their branches. All you could feel was Jaehyun and his fingers dancing along your skin

“Why do you want a daughter?” You asked. The two of you wandered about the topic about genders briefly but it soon strayed to other topics like how to decorate the nursery and items the two of you needed to shop for soon

“‘Cause, she’ll hopefully get her lovely mother’s features and personality,” he smiled down at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “And then I would have my girl and my little girl,” he voice fruity in your ear

Jaehyun’s list of reasons were endless. He hoped the baby would be like you and he could smother it with all his love he felt for you and hopefully her

“How about you? Why do you want a son?” He asked, nudging your shoulder with the hand he wrapped around your shoulders

“Like your reasons, I hope he’d have your dimples,” you smiled lovingly into his gaze as you reached up and poked his dimple. “And he’d have your soft locks. And also like you said, I would have my boys.” He pressed another kiss to your forehead

But all in all, the two of you didn’t care what gender the baby would come out as. It was the fact that you two were bringing a new life into this world that was your biggest care

For the rest of this day, the two of you did whatever you two wished, going with the flow of life and then came to bed after a calm day together

Jaehyun reminisced in his feelings for you, remembering how he fell for you, why he fell for you, and everything in between and beyond as if it was yesterday

With the moon high in the sky, you lay awake on your side waiting for your usual sleep to overcome you, your mind calm, mind pleasantly filled with thoughts about the future. Jaehyun’s hand was draped loosely over your waist as he slept fast asleep

But then you felt it

“Oh my god,” you instantly sat up, suddenly wide awake with your hand over your stomach

“What, what is it?” Jaehyun suddenly woke from his sleep at your exclamation, worried you were hurt or something happened. “Are you hurt?’

“No, I’m sorry,” you said with a smile on your face with no signs of hurt or worry. “I just felt the baby move, Jae,” you said, unable to contain the smile on your face despite it being nearly pitch black in the bedroom

You covered your hand over his, bringing it over your small belly. The two of you sat still, waiting, hoping it would move again until it did, right under the palm of his hand

For the rest of the night, you slept with your face buried in his chest, legs tangled beneath the blanket, his soft breath on your head while yours tickled his chest

Over the next two weeks, it was finally time for the reveal. The house was filled with friends and family all congratulating you more, spreading hugs, making small talk

Everyone was having a good time while coming in and out of the house, enjoying food until it was finally time. Jaehyun and you gathered in front of everyone who were anticipating the great reveal. Your best friend handed the two of you a large black balloon that contained confetti that you finally reveal your gender

As everyone counted down, recording from all angles you could imagine, the two of you simultaneously popped the large balloon, with pink confetti showering down over the two of you

Everyone was overjoyed that a daughter was being brought into your family. Jaehyun was ecstatic as he enveloped you in his arms, spinning you in circles

You spoke softly to your tummy as if you were conversing with yourself but it was really to your soon to be daughter

Jaehyun adored it whenever he came home late, finding you laid in bed talking to your unborn daughter about anything- the day, the things you wanted to do, the trips you wanted to go on in the future, everything as a family

His heart swelled hearing how excited you were when you spoke in a hushed tone as if you were sharing a secret. He was determined to make these wishes come true no matter what- even if it meant working even longer and harder

Your second trimester rolled by, bump getting bigger but so did your cravings and your emotions felt like they were being amplified. Fortunately, your cravings weren’t for things too out of the ordinary- nothing gross

One night it was cheese pizza, another night it was pasta. Jaehyun and you switched back and forth around this time between buying delivery and also taking the time to make things

He was happy to comply with your needs with ease, not letting you worry too much about anything. He was patient through your mood swings, cravings, and also your urge to use the bathroom ever so frequently at night, shifting the bed whenever you got up and back in

But he knew it was only natural. It was all part in the process in having a baby

Your wardrobe began to change, wearing more of your baggier clothes as normal clothes but you knew soon that you would have to go shopping for maternity clothes

You made your trips to the doctor as usual every four weeks with Jaehyun, spending the time together more and more

At the end of your second trimester, your bump was significantly different compared to the beginning. To help with your emotions, you opted to wear Jaehyun’s oversized shirts which looked like a mini dress with your bump barely peeking

With your baby girl growing inside of you and your stomach growing even larger, Jaehyun’s hands always rested on your stomach whenever you two slept, his hand able to feel the subtle movements she made as the space in your womb got smaller while she grew bigger

She was almost here and it was affecting your body. Your back began to ache but this was only the beginning cause you knew the soreness you would feel in your third trimester would be on a completely different level

Jaehyun’s mother came to visit, spending time with you, taking care of you and cooking meals for you knowing you were home alone while Jaehyun diligently worked. She talked about how overjoyed she was about her granddaughter coming soon

You couldn’t wait either since it meant Jaehyun’ and your dream was that much closer to coming true

Whenever you were alone, you found yourself talking a lot easier to your future daughter about anything, humming to her, singing to her, tearing up as excitement welled up inside of you, excited to meet her

Stepping through the door, he was met with the dark house, assuming you were already asleep. He let out a sigh kicking off his shoes, finally being in the comfort of home and knowing he would soon be able to feel you by his side

As he went upstairs, he heard the faint sound of your voice coming from the new nursery you two, mostly he, were in the middle of renovating

Peeking his head around the corner, he looked through the open doorway finding you sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the white room beside a little bookshelf, the crib still in the unopened box

He leaned against the open door soundlessly as you were focused on reading the fairy tale picture book in your lap. It was when you got to the end did you finally notice him and a soft look on his features, the corners of his lips pulled upwards

You set the book back and rocked in the chair when you finished, reaching your hand out to him to which he happily took, kneeling down beside you

“You didn’t read her the book you got me?” He asked pressing a kiss to your knuckles, rubbing his thumb over your fingers

“I figured you would want to read it to her,” you said. “It was your childhood book, after all.”  

“I can read it to the two of you,” he said as he stood, his hand still holding yours. “I’ll read it after I take a quick shower,” he said quietly, the house still as the night as he grabbed the book from the shelf and led you back to the bedroom

You laid comfortably in bed beside him, the warmth of his body seeping into yours along with the smell of his aftershave fresh in your nose. With the lights on the headboard behind you two being the only source of light in the room, you laid on your side hugging his arm, your leg tangled with his

You listened to the story as he read it, his voice low yet also filled with exhaustion. You began to notice the bags slowly forming under his eyes getting bigger, telling him to take things easier only for him to insist he was fine

You had only heard the story a few times growing up, faintly remembering it but you began to realize why he loved it so much. It reminded him of his childhood and it was able to make you feel as if you were a child once again. It was filled with magic and adventure though it was short and sweet

It was able to make any child have imaginative dreams, letting their mind wonder what happened beyond the end

He rubbed slow circles over your tummy, feeling the occasional movement of your daughter. As he read on, you could feel yourself getting sleepier listening to his voice, your imagination filled with various images and creatures you’ve never seen before

By the time he got to the end, he looked over to find you asleep against his shoulder. Setting the book down on the stand beside him, he pressed a kiss to your temple, joining you in sleep

Entering your third trimester, Jaehyun’s oversized shirts were unable to fit without it being too roomy. Your back began to ache more, your hormones crazier than when you were on your period, and your cravings a bit wackier

Walking through the mall hand in hand, you noticed eyes of strangers on you, mostly smiling while others just glanced which felt weird since you weren’t so used to such attention

After trying on multiple maternity clothes, you opted to simply buy oversized mens clothes instead which also meant for Jaehyun to buy some new things for himself as well

You found yourself out of breath faster, discomfort in your body as the baby moved about, walking a bit slower, using the bathroom a lot more but jaehyun didn’t mind too much

Every now and then, he paused from his walking or purposefully walked even slower to catch more pictures of you but he noticed another thing about you he absolutely adored: your pregnancy waddle

He couldn’t control the smile spreading on his face as he looked at you. It reminded him of when he was first falling for you- you made his head spin with how you were able to make him feel so bubbly inside

While at the grocery store, you picked out the things you wanted but like the mall, you noticed eyes on you, making you feel a little nervous as well as people moving out of the way so they don’t bump into you

You weren’t too shy but having all these eyes on you especially when you felt so big made you feel insecure. Your hand found the bottom of Jaehyun’s shirt and you held onto it, following him around the store like a child

You couldn’t wait to go home and just wear one of the new shirts you got

At night, you began to sleep with a pillow in between your legs but sleep also began to become a hassle as your daughter relentlessly kicked or elbowed, making you hiss in sharp pain

Instead of seeing the doctor every four weeks, you began to see the doctor every two weeks but Jaehyun was unable to accompany you to each one so your mother or his mother accompanied you instead

You weren’t going to lie. As you frequented the doctor more often without feelingJaehyun’s touch lingering on your body or hands as he sat beside you or as he left for work and stayed even longer, you grew lonely

You were only able to feel him at night at times where you were already fast asleep or when you woke up in pain, he would be fast asleep

Time felt like it wasn’t slowing down at all. You were already in your third trimester. Your daughter’s movements were occurring more frequently, pain in your abdomen pretty common now but this also made you emotional since you couldn’t do much except go through it all

The worst part was being alone

As low rumbles of thunder sounded outside your home, you laid in bed in the darkness buried beneath all the pillows and blankets

Your phone died long ago but you had no will to recharge it and no matter what you ate, your emotions got the best of you

When one tear fell, another one followed in suit and the cycle repeated until you were crying in bed, letting your thoughts getting the best of you

You knew it was pregnancy that made your body this big but you couldn’t help the feeling on insecurity flooding you from the inside out

The eyes on you whenever the two of you went on walks or out to run errands got to you. You didn’t like being watched but the thought of after giving birth scared you

What if you didn’t lose the weight you gained? What if you remained this big? What if this made Jaehyun lose his love for you?

“You’re not the same anymore… I can’t love you anymore…” You could hear his voice, hearing these words falling from his lips as he walks away from you, out of your life too easily

It made you whimper sadly into the sheets as rain bounced off the roof of the house

Then another horrible thought appeared in your mind

What if Jaehyun was getting tired of you? What if he was tired of working? What if he changed his mind about having a family with you and he thought it was all a mistake?

You never wanted to be a burden to anyone, especially to Jaehyun

It made you feel sick

You didn’t want to burden Jaehyun being pregnant which made him work even harder than he had to

Guilt flooded you as you thought back to how annoying you must’ve been to him these past months. How clingy you were, calling him when he was working so hard when he probably didn’t want to in the first place

But it was all the opposite. Jaehyun loved you unconditionally and there was nothing to change that

As he rushed home a bit earlier than he had to, he called and messaged your number repeatedly only for his calls to go straight to voicemail

Panic began to flood him

He felt disconnected and it didn’t sit well with him that he couldn’t reach you, especially when you were a couple of weeks away before your daughter was predicted to be born

His mind went to the worst case scenarios

What if she came earlier than expected? What if you were in pain and he couldn’t help you? What if something happened to you?

He couldn’t bear the thoughts and tried his best to suppress them as he drove through the storm

Your pillow had a wet spot from how many tears you shed, your sobs muffled into the pillow beneath the blanket, unable to contain anything anymore

He attempted to call you repeatedly throughout the entire trip back home, only for nothing to go through. Everything went straight to voicemail and the panic was intensifying

He rushed out of the car in the pouring rain as soon as he parked it outside the house, frantically getting his keys out and calling for your name

“Y/N? Are you here?” He called out, hearing nothing in the dark house

“Y/N?” He called louder as he rushed upstairs, skipping them

He opened the door with his heart beating rapidly in worry in his chest

His heart dropped and a chill ran down his spine hearing your cries from the bed

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? Is the baby coming?” Concern was plastered all over his features as he removed the blanket to find you crying into your pillows

Seeing him, you tried to sat up as fast as you could, only for you to feel his grasp on your shoulders, slowing you down and also helping you up

“Are you okay?” He asked once more, trying to get through to you but all you could do was weep from all the emotions that was being released

“I’m sorry, Jae, please don’t leave me,” you sobbed into his shoulder, your voice cracking as you wrapped your arms around him the best you could with your stomach and all in between

You didn’t even care or feel how cold his suit was from the downpour outside

“Y/N, wait. You need to tell me: Are you hurt? Is the baby coming?” He asked holding your shoulders

“No and the baby isn’t due yet,” your lip quivered as you spoke through the hard lump growing in your throat. You reached back for his form and he let you, taking you in his arms as well as relief washed over him like a cold bucket of water on a hot summer day

“Why are you crying?” He asked as he stroked your back. “And what do you mean leave you?”

“I’ve been annoying you so much lately with everything and you work so hard. You leave so early in the mornings and come home so late because of me and you always seem so tired. I’m sorry, Jae,” you bawled. “And I’m scared you won’t love me anymore if I don’t lose the weight I’ve gained. Please don’t leave,” you pleaded

A warmness spread in Jaehyun’s chest, a smile tickling his lips

“Silly~” he chimed. He held your face in his hands. Yours wrapped over his immediately, finding comfort in his hands as his thumbs brushed your tears away

“Don’t cry~” he cooed. “I’m working so hard for our family in the future, Y/N. You’re not forcing me to do anything and you’re not annoying me, okay?” He asked, his voice light and playful even

“And there’s nothing that could happen to your body that would change how I feel for you, alright?” He bent his head down meeting yours when they fell to your lap

“We got married and I vowed to be with you in sickness and in health, til death do we part, but even then, I’ll never leave you. You’re my best friend and wife, so don’t cry, it only makes me sad,” he gave you a kind smile

“Let’s take a bath, hm?” He asked. He was home early and he had the rest of the weekend off. He was going to smother you in his love so all your doubts and insecurities would feel like a distant memory

Dimming the lights, Jaehyun adjusted the water to the perfect temperature- not too cold but on the warm side. Bubbles covered the surface and he held your hand, careful as you sat in between his spread legs

He pulled you back into his chest, your head resting on his shoulder with his cheek squished a little on your head with his hands resting on your stomach. You covered his hands with your own, listening to the sound bouncing off the skylight

“You really won’t leave me?” You asked, still a bit emotional

“I couldn’t and wouldn’t even if I had to. You’re my other half, Y/N,” he pressed a long kiss to your temple

The two of you took this moment to forget about the world beyond the door: all there was in this time, in this world right now was the three of you and nothing could change that

Nothing could change the fact that you were Jaehyun’s world, his everything

In the later half of your trimester, Jaehyun took off from work on early maternity leave so he could take care of you, spending as much time as he could with you so you wouldn’t be alone, suffering through the pain your body was going through

The two of you went on small walks, cooked and made things together, watched movies

He insisted on taking pictures of you, the urge to capture you in the moment being irresistible. His photo gallery was filled with you and how ethereal you looked when the sun hit you through the bedroom window

His favorite was when he was able to capture the look on your face as you laughed holding your belly after he drew a smiley face on your tummy one night (with a vegan marker, safe for skin)

The two of you worked on the nursery, finishing it with the help of his father while your mother and you sat on the side, watching while upbeat music played softly from the side

Though you also felt heartburns every now and then, the usual hard jab of your daughter wiggling about inside of you, the urge to use the bathroom almost constant at this point

In your final weeks, headaches and backaches became the norm and you were ready for it to all be over as soon as she was born. Jaehyun massaged your scalp when he could which was quite often when you laid your head in his lap after dinner

Before he had his hand resting on your stomach but now it was almost always attached to your lower back as you waddled when you walked. He was cautious behind you when you walked up stairs and in front of you when you walked down, taking things slow

One night, laying in bed, you felt a sharp pain in your lower abdomen that started in your back, making you yelp

Jaehyun was quick to turn on the lights, asking if it was finally happening on instinct

It felt like something was tightening and slowly loosening up every now and then, making you unable to fall back asleep. You recalled what the doctor had said at your last visit of what would occur when you’re going to go into labor soon: contractions

You took deep breaths through it, sitting up on the edge of the bed, breathing through the things your body was going through

But it couldn’t have been time yet, so for now, you waited it out as Jaehyun sat beside you on the phone with a nurse at the hospital nearby

He began to time your contractions but so far, the only one that came was the initial one. It slowly felt like as your lower abdomen was relaxing, it was going away

To be safe and relax even more, the nurse suggested light exercise. You didn’t want to feel stuffed up in the house so the two of you went out on a walk

The night was cool and to be sure not to go too far, he slowly walked with you around the block, phone and car keys in hand, the hospital bag you were advised to pack already in the back seat

After a successful walk together in the cool night, Jaehyun and you returned home. You laid on your side after Jaehyun grabbed some of your pillows from upstairs as you slept on his lap

Throughout the night, Jaehyun slept lightly. His hand constantly massaged your scalp and played with your hair as you slept. In case anything were to happen, he would be ready

But as it got later and later, he eased into sleep when nothing seemed to be happening

The two of you slept in the living room, filling the spacious room with your slow deep breaths, his touch never leaving you

However, just as the sun was about to rise, the sharp pain returned, waking the two of you. The words from the nurse came back to Jaehyun’s mind as he timed between each one, holding your hand

You breathed deeper but the pain felt sharper this time and surely after one, another one came a couple of minutes later

He kept track of it, one after the other until it was a lot for you to take. It hurt a lot before the contraction relaxed back down, only to start again with the time in between each of them decreasing

He walked you to the car and strapped you in and drove off in the dark early morning, the roads still empty

He drove carefully with one hand while you gripped his other hand wearing nothing but your oversized shirt. You two were halfway there when you water broke

But you almost didn’t notice it over the pain of the contraction

Arriving at the hospital, Jaehyun ran in to call nurses and others who came out, carrying you out of the car and into a wheelchair

They hooked you up to things to check the baby’s heart rate and everything passed by in a blur. After checking, they confirmed that you were going into labor. They changed you into a hospital gown and you couldn’t remember much. All you could do was feel your contractions and the pain of them

Suddenly in a new moment, you did as the doctor instructed and pushed, your body being drained of your energy at a rapid pace, squeezing Jaehyun’s hand as he stood beside you, giving you words of encouragement to ignore your crushing grip

Your hair stuck to your sweaty forehead, feeling so tired but everyone kept urging you. It was all so much all around you

“Just a little more, Y/N, you can do it,” Jaehyun’s voice was calm like the sun shining through a hurricane. “You’re almost there,” he encouraged, looking into your teary eyes. “She’s almost here.”

You mustered up all the energy you had left and pushed as hard as you could, not giving a care to the tears falling from your eyes, how you filled the room with the sound of your voice

“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Jung. It’s a baby girl,” the doctor announced to the two of you, holding her up as the nurses cut the umbilical cord and took her away

“You did it,” Jaehyun smiled, tears escaping his own eyes as he pressed a kiss to your temple

A different level of exhaustion took over you. You slept like a log as soon as you could, Jaehyun sat by your side the entire time with his hands holding yours, occasionally pressing a kiss to your knuckles

You woke to a strange sound from beside you, waking up to the dimmed lighting in the room, the sky painted various colors as the sun set beyond the horizon

Eyes still heavy and filled with sleep, you looked to your side to see Jaehyun cradling your newborn in his arms, his smile never leaving his lips as he looked down to her with such adoration in his eyes

“Is that her?” you broke the silence feeling tears well up in your eyes once again. Overfilled with joy, Jaehyun handed her to you gently, weeping himself, his heart swelled with the love he felt for the both of you  

“She’s so precious,” he whispered, wiping his own tears away with the back of his hand

“She’s ours, Jae,” you looked up to him sobbing. You couldn’t control your cries, finally holding her after carrying her for nine months. She was finally here

“Hi, baby,” you cooed, your lips trembling as you spoke so quietly, feeling her chubby cheeks gently with your knuckle. “You’re so small, but we’re your parents,” your voice waved as you rested your head on Jaehyun’s shoulder

“You’ll be able to meet your grandparents soon, too,” Jaehyun added

“They’re coming?” You asked, looking up to him, your heart skipping a beat in excitement

“Of course, I called them while you were asleep to tell them. They should be here soon,” he said as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear

There was something different about Jaehyun’s eyes as he looked into yours. You couldn’t tell if it was because you were tired or not but you could feel the love radiating from his persona, oozing into the room

It felt like the first breath of air after being stuck inside for so long. It made everything feel light and nice when you felt quite the opposite laying in your hospital gown

It felt like he was on cloud nine

There were now two things Jaehyun loved unconditionally in this world and it was you and your daughter. His little family and nothing could change that. No amount of work he would have to do, no matter how much sleep he lost could change these feelings

He felt like he had found a complimentary puzzle piece when the two of you fell in love but now he truly understood what it meant to feel to have a complete picture now that he had the two of you

He couldn’t have asked for a better life than the one he was spending with you. Even in the next life, he wanted to always find you and be connected

“Thank you,” he spoke into your head. “For being the best dream that came true.”

~~~~~ Masterlist for more! Thank you for reading! Do not repost anywhere else!

[durmstrange]

It’s A Date - Fred Weasley

Welcome to another Fred blurb!  This takes place post war.  Hope you enjoy!

Word count:  1,605

Truthfully, you had always been rather content with your life.  During your schooling, you weren’t unpopular, but you weren’t popular.  People gravitated towards you, but you never became attached to anyone.  You weren’t ever the one to seek other out, but you were there for when others needed you.  In fact, if no one had sought you out, you would have spent your school years alone, and you were content with that.  

When you graduated, you started working at a muggle flower shop in London, where you rather sneakily used magic to make your flowers the most beautiful in the area.  When the war came around two years later, you didn’t hesitate a moment to fight at your old school.  The battle was hectic and you met many new faces and a few familiar, including your partner during the first half of the battle, Fred Weasley.  He had gotten separated from his brother, and you arrived alone, so there was an unspoken agreement to stick together.

Fred and you worked well together, even in school.  He was your partner on occasion during Potions class, and you quite enjoyed his jokes and company.  Throughout the battle, you and Fred saved each other on multiple occasions, both of you barely avoiding the cold grasp of death.  During it all, a small bit of rubble had hit you as well, leaving a rather ugly cut across the side of your face.  Fred broke his leg when wall collapsed and you blasted as much away from him as you could.  During the calm period, you helped Fred to the Great Hall, where his family took care of him, and you left to finish the battle.  That was the last you saw of Fred.  

After the war ended, you returned to your quiet life, coming to work each morning with a small scar you wore on your face with pride.  Day in and day out, you worked and went back to your flat, to your books and to your cat, which had become your best and one of your few friends.  

One particular Monday, on your day off, you decided to go to your old stomping grounds.  You hadn’t been in Diagon Alley in years.  In fact, you hadn’t been in touch with any sort of magical shop in almost two years, since the battle and since the war drew to an end. 

You entered through the Leaky Cauldron, dipping your head to the patrons you faintly recognized.  As you entered Diagon Alley, a nostalgic feeling washed over you.  Last time you had been there, most of the shops were closed and it was rather drab and dreary, but now it was like when you were a kid.  Bright, bustling, and beautiful.  There were so many witches and wizards, dressed how you used to dress, in cloaks and colorful clothing, pointy hats and odd animals on their shoulders.  Music played loudly from a nearby shop, which you recognized to be the Weird Sisters.  Memories of the Yule Ball faded into your mind and a faint smile formed on your lips as you wandered up the alley. 

You felt out of place, wearing your tight jeans and black band t-shirt, containing a muggle band you were sure few people in the alley around you knew of.  But the wand tucked into the waist of your jeans made you feel like part of them.  As you wandered up the alley, your eyes landed on the one shop you had never been in.  Weasley Wizard Wheezes. 

It was an incredibly fun looking store, one you were sure you would enjoy, but before the war, you only ever came to Diagon Alley when you absolutely needed to, and your time there was short with no time for stops like this.  Now, however, you had all the time in the world.

When you stepped into the shop, it smelled of fireworks and sweets and there were various sounds and flashing lights all around.  It was August still, so there were copious amounts of young students bustling around and laughing at everything around.  Your smile grew as you ran your hand along a display, looking at the bottled love potions and Puking Pastilles, to other products you truly couldn’t have thought up in your most wild dreams. 

As you picked up an odd looking package, you felt someone brush by you and you ignored it, accrediting it to the busy shop, but as you turned over the package in your hand, a voice brought stole your focus.  “Well, hello,” a voice you recognized greeted, causing you to turn to the Weasley twin.  “Here I thought I’d never see you again.”

Fred smiled at you, but held a confused look on his face.  “Loonar Loop Luminators?” you asked him with a small laugh in your voice.  You wondered in the back of your mind what he meant by his words, but you brushed it off for the moment.

Fred glanced down to the package in your hand, as he had not noticed it sooner as his eyes focused on your face.  “A sort of firework,” he answered proudly and took the product from your hand.  “A demonstration, maybe?” 

Shrugging lightly, you followed Fred as he led you to the center of the store.  “All right, you lot, listen up!”  His voice boomed through the store, silencing the many students and grown ups alike.  “I’ll be doing a quick demonstration of our Loonar Loop Luminators, so stand clear,” he continued as he opened the package.  He placed a small blue tube on the ground, using his wand to light the end of it. 

After a few mere seconds, sparks of various colors exploded from the product, reaching the ceiling of the shop and popping into more sparkles.  You clapped, along with the rest of the store, as the fireworks exploded beautifully.  Fred smiled proudly, his arms crossed over his chest, and waited until the last of the sparks faded to speak once more.  “Loonar Loop Luminators can be found over here to the left, in the front of the store,” he finished and swooped down, picking up the expired product.  Fred stepped back over to you, an expectant look on his face.  “What’d you think?” 

“Absolutely brilliant,” you answered with a laugh.  

Fred beamed at your words.  “You see, if you do it in an open area, and not indoors, it will be a much more grand show.  Sparks will fly to the moon, hence the name,” he explained proudly and flashed the box to you, which held a rather smiley moon.

You hummed, a bright look in your eyes.  “I reckon that’s quite the sight.  I might have to leave here with a few myself.”

Fred smirked, glancing at the box in his hand once more.  “Take as many as you want.  I couldn’t bear to charge the person who saved my life,” he explained as he led you to the counter, where he tossed the box in a waste bin.  

With a small laugh, you shrugged and leaned against the counter as his brother, who was two years younger than you, rung up the many guests.  “Well, you saved mine as well, so I had assumed we were even.”  

Fred scoffed, checking his watch for a moment before glancing at his brother.  “Man the shop for a minute, mate?” 

Ron glanced at you and nodded, a smile on his lips.  “Take your time.”

“Got a moment?”  Fred asked you as he nodded towards the door of his shop. 

You glanced at your own watch, pretending to contemplate his words, but shrugged.  “I suppose so.” 

Fred smirked and led you through the shop, out into Diagon Alley.  “I thought you died, you know?”  His voice was a little shaky as he spoke, his hands in the pockets of his colorful suit. 

“Well, here I am,” you replied lamely, giving him a gentle smile and a small shrug.  

With an incredulous look on his face, Fred shook his head at you.  “I mourned you, you know?” 

Your smile fell at his words, causing you to feel oddly guilty.  “Why would you mourn someone you didn’t know to be dead?  Someone you barely know?”  The words came out a little harsher than you intended, but as Fred led you up Diagon Alley, walking slowly through the crowd, you were sure he understood. 

“I want to know you,” Fred said suddenly, his voice insistent.  Your mouth fell open, rather surprised by his words, and waited for him to continue.  “I always have.  That’s why I always convinced others to let me be your partner in class, why I spoke to you as much as I could without bothering you, why I wanted to stay by your side during the battle.”  Your face felt warm at his confession and for a moment, you were at a loss for words.  

With a gentle blush on your face, you ducked your head and smiled to yourself. “Well, here I am,” you repeated the words you said moments before and glanced up at Fred.

Fred smiled widely at your words, raising his eyebrows.  “Will you let me take you to dinner, then?” 

For a moment, you bit your lip and pretended to consider his offer.  After a brief pause, you spoke softly, “I suppose so.”

“Brilliant,” Fred smirked and stood with his hands in his pockets.  “Meet you here at the shop tomorrow?  Say seven?” 

Nodding gently, you fought the wide grin forming on your lips.  “It’s a date.”

[mimisempai]

I will always wait for you

Summary:

Sometimes to work out his nightmares, Sam goes flying and Bucky waits for him, knowing that he will always come home.

🌈 Happy Pride month ! 🌈

To celebrate, 1 day, 1 story.

Be ready for smiles, laugh, fluff, tooth rotthing fluff, positive vibes and a lot of love!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31925692

1719 words - Rating G

As Bucky slowly awoke from his sleep, he became aware of three things. The first was the absence of a warm body next to him, the second was the morning light streaming in through the open window, and the third was a small post-it note, lit by the ray of sunlight and lying on the pillow where Sam was not.

He took the post-it and read what Sam had written. It was short, and exactly what Bucky had expected.

Bucky,

I had a bad night. I needed to go flying.

I love you,

Sam

Taking a quick look around the room, he saw the briefcase that contained Sam's armor opened which confirmed what Sam had written to him. Shuri had done a good job of allowing the armor to have multiple appearance options, so Sam regularly went flying just for fun or often to clear his head, as it was now the case.

Bucky quickly understood that it was not because Sam didn't want to see him or couldn't stand his presence. Sometimes Sam just needed that to feel better, to fly free, without purpose or mission, to exorcise the demons that haunted him. Bucky better than anyone could understand that.

Bucky decided it was time to start his day.

After making the bed and changing into a casual outfit, he headed for the kitchen, stopping to look at the pictures that filled the hallway wall.

There were family photos there, both blood-related and not, many of them taken by Sam. He ran his fingertip along the frame of a photo taken on their wedding day. A rather cute photo that the photographer had been desperate to take, Sam smiling, his face framed by Sarah and Joaquin kissing him on both cheeks, each on one side. Sam's sister Sarah had welcomed Bucky into their family, no questions asked, and Joaquin, Sam's teammate had become like a little brother to Bucky.

Bucky, who had been alone for so long, had found happiness with this family, he was bound to them with a bond stronger than blood.

He couldn't help but smile when he saw this picture and the one next to it where he and Sam were supposed to be looking at the camera, but were looking at each other. Bucky was happy to see Sam's smile immortalized in this picture. But his throat tightened every time he saw his own face in that picture. He looked so happy.

A happiness that at one time in his life he never thought he would have.

Sam was everywhere in their house.

When Bucky arrived in the kitchen, he saw his breakfast tray ready, as they had always done for years, the first one to get up would prepare it for the other. This morning there was a can of coffee he didn't know about. Bucky removed the post-it note stuck to the can to read it.

Carlos said that your coffee hasn't been delivered yet, but I found one that tastes almost the same. Try it. Or throw it away and get a Starbucks if you're not happy.

Love.

He put the post-it note in his pocket with the first one he'd found on the pillow.

When Sam had become Captain America ten years ago, knowing that Bucky had chosen to stay in Delacroix most of the time unless there was an urgent mission that required his skills, they knew they would have complicated schedules. Sam would regularly have to leave unexpectedly, without them necessarily having a chance to say goodbye.

So Sam had started leaving post-it notes, and Bucky was responding to them. Over the years, this has become an essential part of their relationship. Not just for urgent matters, but also for general messages, and sometimes just a gentle thought written down for the other to find later.

Bucky sipped his coffee, which he had to admit was not bad at all. He looked at the calendar hanging on the wall with scribbled events and Sam's work schedule for the week hanging next to it. He saw that Sam would have to leave for periods of several days, lots of events and press conferences. He was disappointed for a brief moment, as they would not see each other for several days. Some might say that he had got used to it, but for him it meant that after ten years the attachment was the same if the thought of Sam's absence had that effect on him.

But he wanted to make their lives more pleasant, as Sam did, so he went to get the ingredients for some muffins. Chocolate chip muffins were Sam's favourite. Bucky had discovered a passion for cooking. Well, especially when it came to cooking for Sam. The others...

He took one for himself, then packed the others in a plastic box, and stuck a post-it on it telling Sam that he would be of no use to anyone if he starved.

After folding the laundry he decided to sit in the living room and read, today was a day of rest for both of them after all so he was going to enjoy it.

After two hours of reading, Sam wasn't home yet, but it wasn't nearly long enough to start worrying. Maybe he had decided to visit friends or family. But it was more likely that he was flying high in the sky. He had once told Bucky that there were only two things that made him forget his nightmares: flying and Bucky's arms. Too bad he didn't wake Bucky up and let him help him with the second.

Looking for something to distract his mind, he took the small notebook that Sam had given him the other day. He had seen that the previous one was full. Sam had given him the first notebook 10 years ago, to replace Steve's. He told him that since this was a new life, he should have a new notebook to fill with positive things. Since then, Bucky had been writing down things he wanted to do, visit, eat, listen to. This was his second notebook. As he flipped through it, he found a new little post-it note

I took the liberty of adding a few lines... I hope you won't mind.

I love you (so much more than 10 years ago and less than tomorrow.)

Bucky smiled, feeling moved, and ran his fingers over the notebook, tracing the familiar curves of Sam's writing.

Then he went to the last page where Sam had written something.

-Listening to Trouble Man (You stubborn old man)

-Trying a new delicious recipe for Sam (though nothing outdoes your muffins)

-Being nice to Redwing (jealous of a bot, how cute of you)

Shaking his head and laughing, he put the notebook back in its place.

He continued to walk around the living room. He found himself in front of the fireplace. Winters were not cold, so a fireplace was not common in Louisiana homes. And yet it was Sam who had wanted it when they built their house after Bucky had confided in him that what haunted him most in his nightmares was the cold. The memory of his cryogenic sleeps.

So when the roles were reversed and Bucky needed warmth after a nightmare. When he didn't want to disturb Sam or when Sam wasn't there, He would light the fire and sit in front of it until the heat made him forget his nightmares.

The way their relationship had started, who would have thought they would have come to this. Certainly not him. But they were perfect together in a way Bucky would never have dared to dream.

Bucky figured Sam's nightmare must have been particularly hard on him, to keep him out there for so long, but he trusted him to tell him about it when he needed to.

In the meantime, he picked up an old record and headed for the record player. Another present from Sam when Bucky had told him he missed the sound of old records.

I hadn't anyone till you.

Bucky remembered when this song had come out. As he listened to the lyrics now, he thought they were prescient.

I hadn't anyone

Till you

I was the lonely one

Till you

I used to lie awake and wonder

If there could be

A someone in this wide world

Just made for me

His eyes fell on another post-it note on the record cover.

Bucky, you little sap, I'm sure you think this song is written for you. The someone just made for you, you think that's me right?

Well you're right and it's mutual.

With love from your fool in love.

He read it several times and put it in his pocket with the others. The little piece of paper may not have been warm, but Bucky felt a familiar warmth spread through him.

Music filled the room and Bucky opened the living room window to let the breeze in.

He lay down on the couch, the book he had started this morning in his hand, resting his head on one armrest and his feet on the other. He quickly became absorbed in his reading, absentmindedly humming the song. When he got to the part Sam mentioned in his little note, Bucky began to sing out loud as well, and as his voice faded with the music, he heard the door open behind him.

Bucky sat up and turned his head, Sam was home.

"Stay where you are, love."

Sam came to join him, kissed him gently before sitting against him, Bucky closed his arm around him.

"Hi," Sam said softly, a half smile on his face. "I missed you."

"Hi," Bucky replied, pressing a kiss to Sam's head. "I missed you too. Did you have a good time?"

"Yes, I did," Sam replied. "Did you have a good time too? I'm sorry I wasn't there most of the day."

"Of course you were there," Bucky replied. It was the truth. Sam was always there, even when he wasn't physically there. Bucky could see him everywhere. There were traces of him, of them, everywhere. And when he left, he always came home. In Bucky's arms.

He tightened his embrace and whispered softly, "You are here. And I will always wait for you. Always."

_____ I think the sappy one is me but well...

I hope you enjoyed it 🥰

Not beta'd