#listen if youve never seen this show YOU DONT EVEN KNOW….. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW INSANE THIS IS

[demadogs]

we are the glitch. the glitch in the matrix.

Dark 1.01 | 3.01

[yesimwriting]

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

[sniper-spider]

BUCKY BARNES X MALE READER

summary: Y/n doesn’t know about The Winter Soldier and he finds out.

a/n: this is kinda based on another fic i read that i cant find but if youve read something like this, dont think i’m tryna steal it i just rly liked the idea and wanted to kinda make it my own. also this is kinda set during Civil War when Bucky was getting framed for things he didn’t do.

Bucky had gone to the grocery store to get something and you turned on the TV. It was on the news and you got ready to switch it to the Game Show Network when you saw something you hadn’t expected. It was… Bucky? There was a picture of him but in the picture he was... choking someone with a mechanical arm.

Why would Bucky choke someone? Your stomach dropped thinking about it. You turned up the volume. You listened to every word the news reporter said.

“James Buchanan Barnes, who was presumed dead in an accident in 1943 was confirmed alive 2 years ago as an assassin for the organization HYDRA calling himself The Winter Soldier. Thought to have stopped his murder spree, the man was seen this afternoon choking someone in the street with 3 dead bodies near him, presumably murdered by him. Barnes got away when the police came. The bodies have been identified as-”

You switched the TV off. You couldn’t believe what you had just heard. Bucky was The Winter Soldier? And he’d never told you? What if he was only with you to eventually kill you or recruit you to HYDRA? What was going on? How could you have been so stupid to fall for his tricks? You felt such betrayal.

-time skip-

Bucky sorted through his keys and finally settled on the one to the apartment that you and him shared. He slid the key into the keyhole and then turned it, pulling the key back out and sliding the keyring in his pocket. He opened the door and saw you on the couch, dried tears on your face. He looked at you concerned. You only muttered one thing.

“How could you?”

Bucky’s mind immediately went to worrying you’d found out about The Winter Soldier. Just in case, he asked what you meant nervously. You stood up and walked closer to him as you spoke.

“What do I mean?” You asked. “What do I mean? do you do enough bad things that you have to ask me what I mean? Is that what this is?”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He could tell that you knew. There was a moment of silence.

“Why?” You asked.

“Why what?” Bucky asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

It took Bucky a moment to answer.

“I was afraid of how you would react. Like what you’re doing now…”

“Why are you dating me? Is HYDRA having you do it? Am I just your next victim? Hm?” You asked. “I saw the news. Saw what you did to those people.”

“No, (Y/N), you don’t understand. I-” Bucky started.

“No, I understand fine. You won’t even confess either. I can’t believe I fell for this,” you said.

“(Y/N), I-” Bucky started, sounding a little desperate which surprised you a bit.

“I trusted you, Bucky. I trusted you. Do you know how hard that is for me? I’ve never trusted someone in my life. And then there was you. I should have known better,” you said, a few tears brimming your eyes.

“(Y/N), please listen to me,” Bucky said.

“No. You know what? Get out,” you said.

Bucky didn’t move, he just looked at you, hurt.

“Out!” You said more forcefully this time.

Bucky slowly and silently started to leave, opening the door, starting to go through it. You couldn’t bear to see him this way. Even with what had happened, you still loved him.

“Wait,” you said.

Bucky stopped and turned around, looking at you. You walked towards him. You wanted to believe him. He seemed to genuine when he denied. You were afraid, but you hugged him. He was all that you had. You decided to allow him to explain himself. He looked at you confused, before gently wrapping his arms around you. After a moment, you pulled away, looking at him.

“Bucky, I wanna believe you. I don’t understand what’s going on, and I know I said I did, but I don’t and I wanna hear what you have to say,” you said, rambling a little.

Bucky agreed and you both sat down on the couch next to each other as he explained. As he got deeper into talking about HYDRA, he started to have more trouble talking about it, his voice breaking a little.

“And I killed-I killed so many people and-” Bucky started to say, starting to shake a little, seeming like he was going to cry.

Bucky’s eyes looked wet, starting to brim with tears. You couldn’t help yourself. Before he could finish that sentence, you gently wrapped your arms around him and pulled him towards you, his head resting under your chin.

“It wasn’t you, sweetheart. It was HYDRA, okay? I‘m so sorry I blamed you. It wasn’t you at all. You would never do that,” you comforted.

“It was so-It was so hard on me,” Bucky struggled out.

Bucky pulled away as soon as you felt a small drop of liquid on your chest. You saw that he was crying a little bit. Bucky turned away from you, his body shaking. He tried hard to stop himself from crying. You leaned over and cupped his cheek, gently pulling him to look at you. He looked embarrassed.

“It’s okay, Bucky. It’s okay to cry. You can trust me, sweetheart. I’m here for you, okay?” You said gently.

Bucky nodded and then slowly went back to the position he was in before. After a moment he began to cry harder. You felt so bad for him, finding out what had been done to him. He was drenching you in tears, but you didn’t mind one bit.

“Hey, I love you, okay? If there’s anything I can do, just let me know, yeah?” You asked.

Bucky nodded softly and then spoke quietly, a slight whine in his voice.

“J-Just hold me…” Bucky said.

You could tell it was a bit difficult for him to admit that he wanted physical touch, but you were glad to give it to him.

“Of course, sweetheart. Anything you want.”

Bucky cried for a while after that, screaming a little bit at one point. He got more and more comfortable with you as time progressed. Bucky felt much better afterwords now that he’d finally let some of that go since he’d been holding it in for so long.

el end.

[areswethereyet]

To fall in love <3 Part one

Iwaizumi x Reader

a/n not beta read

Warnings: none!

Genre: light angst, with fluff

part one of two, to fall in love the thirty day bet

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love, had always been a odd thing in your eyes.

Giving someone your heart, and vulnerability, just for the outcome of heartbreak. Seemed like a waste of time to you.

When ever you told your friends this, they always laughed and tell you you were crazy.

of course,

You listened to your friends endless love stories, and then watched them cry over the loss of the lover, before running head first into another relationship.

and thats how it was for a while, many people confessed their undying love for you and you’d turn them down, and distance yourself a little more each day, or at least tried to

Your friends thought it was a bright idea when ever they got a new partner, they tried hooking you up with their friends, just to even get you on a date. They failed miserably each time, and one point just stopped trying

Your last day of high school came around, and you had not fallen in love once. Part of you was grateful, while the other felt like you missed out on somethings.

You had ended up attending a local university in Tokyo with your close friend (f/n). After a long 2 weeks of packing, you were finally able to move into your shared apartment.

Life was pretty quiet, for the first few months. You and f/n mainly focused on your studies, and maintaining extra circulars.

Of course silence doesnt last forever, f/n eventually started to date. A lot of them were nothing serious so you never met them.

That was until, she brought home Oikawa Toru. The schools volleyball mvp. He definitely had a presence, but he was nice and treated them well.

At one point it had been accustomed to seeing him everyday in the apartment, he was a cleanly person and payed for groceries he ate so there was no problem.

At least, till he came with him.

“Y/n, this is my best friend Iwaizumi Hajime!” He said cheerily, gesturing his friends to the dark haired man in-front of you. He gave a small wave and a smile, and you felt your face grow warm.

“Hi, as shittykawa said im Iwaizumi” he said holding his hand out, for you to shake.

“hi.. im Y/n, nice to meet you iwaizumi” you said, shaking his hand a small smile of your own forming on your face.

Oikawa watched the exchange between you two, though iwaizumi looked fine, you on the other hand look starstruck. He formed a devious smile on his face, and whipped around to his lover.

“F/n~chan! you ready to go? I have a date planned out for us~” he sung sending a wink their way.

“Wha- oikawa I thought we had plans tonight?” iwaizumi started but was cut off

“sorry iwa, it’s important, and im sure y/n here would be fine keeping you company yeah?” he said, looking dead into your eyes.

“Yeah y/n! it’ll be good for you!! and Iwas a good guy, please for me” f/n with puppy dog eyess.

“fine, only if you cook dinner for the next week” you sighed. She nodded, and grabbed oikawas hand.

“see you later!!” they said, and left.

leaving you and iwaizumi awkwardly staring at each other.

“im sorry about him, he can be a bit much a times” he said rubbing he neck shyly

“Its alright!!” you said, walking into your kitchen.

“would you like anything to drink?” you said looking at him

“we have water, soda, beer” you continued searching through your fridge

“hm, beers fine” Iwaizumi responded, taking a seat at the counter.

After a couple beers, you were tipsy, and iwaizumi seemed just like he did before.

“you know, love is weird. I dont get why people do it, just to end up in pain” you slurred slightly

“hm? i don’t understand” he responded, looking at you.

“its just, ive seen my friends go through countless heartbreaks because of it. I just done understand why” you said, meeting his gaze.

“hm, so youve never been in love” be asked, taking a swig of his drink

“no” you responded.

“well, why dont you give me 30 days to make you fall in love with me, to show you it isnt all that bad” he said a smirk forming on his face

you dont know where the surge of confidence came

from, weather it be from the alcohol you drank, or the fact that theres a fine ass man sitting in front of you

but you said yes

[shunsuiken]

hc’s for Kuroo and Bokuto with a fem!s/o that DOES NOT STOP TALKING!!EVER!!! like she seems quiet and calm at first, but then she surprises them; please 🥺🥺 xo

due to my illiteracy i read kuroo and kenma sdsjdksj i still wrote bokutos hcs tho so dw! thank u for this request<3

kuroo, kenma and bokuto having a talkative fem s/o.

—kuroo tetsurou.

so when you and kuroo first started dating

you guys were kinda nervous at first but thats natural for a new couple

after a few weeks though, you guys began opening up quicker and more comfortably with each other

communicating became much easier as well when you both learned each others love languages through lots of trial and error 💀

then came this time where

it was as if

your soul had switched with someone elses

because kuroo knew the type of person you were and what you were like

but that was not what he felt when he saw you excitedly chatting away with your friends regarding some movie that came out last week

(you guys are also laughing HYSTERICALLY with each other and omg kuroo has never seen that big of a smile on your face EVER)

kenma had to poke his sides to bring him back to earth cus dude was just that shocked

“KENMA WHAT WAS THAT FOR??-?-?-?1?1”

“you’ve been staring at y/n for a socially unacceptable amount of time, you look like a creep.”

“OH! HEY KUROO YOU’RE ON LUNCH BREAK”

oh my god. kuroo would think at first. who WERE you???

he realised that maybe all this time, the reserved and quiet you may have just been the first layer of your personality, maybe you just needed the time to adapt to the changes?

and so will kuroo lmao

“KUROO KUROO HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NEW MOVIE” “WE SHOULD WATCH IT” “ITS ACTUALLY REALLY NICE AND”

“y/N??? DO YOU NORMALLY SPEAK FHIS MUCH???” he was so used to seeing your calm and relaxed composure

and now that you looked like the epitome of chaos, he felt so cheated that he wasn’t able to get you to be like this in the first few weeks of the relationship

“YEAH!!! but MAYBE im on a SUGAR RUSH right now IM NOT ENTIRELT SURE BUT”

kuroo is just watching you speak, this dumb smile on his face as the truest form of you flourishes in front of him

he’ll start acting like a parent at some point because YOU ARE CRAZY MAAM

“y/n stop yappin’ and EAT” “WAIT WAIT LOOK AT THIS TEASER FOR THAT NE-”

he’d deadass shove a whole onigiri in your mouth just to tease you for a bit

he also likes that he can make jokes and make you laugh louder than before

hes just so happy to see this side of you 🥺

—kozume kenma.

kenma is going to be SO SHOCKED

ngl he’d probably look at u with his brows like >:0 “where did u take my girlfriend!!! where is my girlfriend!!!”

and you’d be in this happy mood so you are PEAK chatty right now so you’re laughing at kenma’s face cus 💀

were your two personalities really just that different 💀💀

kenma will have to get used to your sudden outbursts of excitement conversations every now and then

boy has NO idea what triggered you into switching personalities

but i guess kuroo helps him connect the dots and hes like oh and then hes like oh :D because its a good thing that you willingly act like this in front of him

esp without feeling embarassed or anything hes happy you’re comfortable

its also really cute when you suddenly feel like youre rambling too much

your arm would cling around kenma’s and he’d listen to you ramble about this new netflix show that was released a few weeks ago but it was totally cliche so you told him how the entire internet made fun of it

then when you turn your head to look at kenma, hes just looking forward and you’re like “sorry, rambling arent i?”

“its not a bother,” he’ll say, sliding his fingers to wrap around yours. “if you want we could watch it together for the fun of it”

and thats literally what yall did and oml is kenma glad to see the chaos unfold in front of him

(you were not wrong when you said it was cliche, kenma almost puked at how cliche it was lmfao)

he’ll defs poke fun at the way youre loud just around him and your closest friends but when youre with other people youre just crickets

sometimes when hes playing, you’ll watch his screen and suddenly start braiding his hair

and boy does he have some silky locks despite all the bleaching

then theres another situation where hes playing and you’ll be right beside him, commenting and yelling when they’re in a danger zone

“KENMA IF YOU STAY THERE YOURE-” “I KNOW I KNOW IM TRYING TO GET OUT” “QUICK!! YOUVE ONLY GOT 10 SECONDS LEFT”

“pft kenma you got your girl over or sth? we can hear her” an online friend is gonna say and kenma’s JUST BLUSHING AND STUTTERING, TRYING TO EXPLAIN

you can hear kuroo’s hyena laughter through kenma’s headphones 💀

and since you got to see kenma stumble all over his words and act like a nervous trainwreck, it was overall a very enjoyable experience for you

“sooo when are you gonna play again?”

HES GOING TO PINCH YOUR CHEEKS AS A PUNISHMENT

but you like it cus kenma does this cute nose scrunch whenever he pinches your cheeks

and ever since you’ve shown kenma this side of you, the teases between you and him have been endless

you both make sure never to go too far with the jokes tho! so alls good :)

—bokuto koutarou.

bo would prolly be so confused at first like yall know that one ep where hes up against karasuno for that summer training camp and hes just (°_°) YEAH

he’d be like that for the first five seconds before shit clicks

“Y/N!!! Y/N!!!!” “KOU!!! KOUTAROU!!!!” and cue the big couple hug

and every other third year is like 💆🏻‍♀️ here they go AGAIN

and akaashi is literally holding bokuto’s hotdog he literally threw in the air

“A- AKAASHI DO YOU SEE THIS” “yes, bokuto-san, please lower your voice”

bokuto is just 🤩 @ you and he can’t seem to take his eyes off your lips, he loves the way they move

sometimes when yall are in the same class, everyone purposely puts you two on each end of the class

just so that your vibes dont mix and end up causing an explosion

but distance makes the heart grow fonder 🥴

SO THERES LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE

but even if you two become a lil too loud for everyones liking, they still enjoy the atmosphere you two bring

also loves to invite you and akaashi to walk home together because 🥺 the energy is just so nice

hes also glad that his girl and his best friend can speak comfortably

also rip akaashi’s ears whenever you two start laughing or yelling about some stupid puns you read out loud on the way home

now, during practises after school

the entire fukurodani vbc has to constantly remind you guys to tone down your noise levels

no, not those noise levels

but the way both of you can speak so passionately when talking about things you both have mutual interest in

there’ll be lots of jumping around and always expect the unconscious hand-holding, bo just really likes to hold hands with you

“Y/N YOU LIKE THIS MOVIE??1?2?1?-?1?” “YEAH IVE LOVED IT SINCE LIKE,,, FOREVER!!”

and obvi bokuto’s gonna bring up and ask you why and how you suddenly have so much more energy than before

and you’re just like “i’m only like that for a while 🥺” and you tell him you only start showing the way you actually act when you’re fully comfy w the person

his face softens, relieved that he can make you feel safe in his presence

hes happy that you’ve come to feel that way

so he becomes clingy for the rest of the afternoon you’re not complaining

[wastelandcrown]

logan lark’s adventures in trying to appease his parents

CHAPTER 3: i am actively trying to throw away my shot but it isn’t fucking working

Summary: Logan Lark is a fairly average high school student. By all means, he should be impressing his parents on all grounds. Except...he doesn’t exactly have a social life. So after his parents give him puppy dog eyes, he decides to join the local theatre's youth production. Good grief...His life is about to get weird isn’t it?

Warnings: Potential ooc behavior, Roman is a theatre brat to the highest degree (Sorry Roman stans), Remus being Remus, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Talks of anxiety/medication, Throwing up (Not detailed)

Notes: This fic is based off an idea from @under-the-blue-moonlight. If you wanna be tagged in chapters, please dm me!! This chapter has a lot of anxiety and anxiety talk, so if you’re sensitive to that please be mindful!! Also lots of Logan and Virgil being friends, which I enjoyed writing! I also apologize for the delay, I ended up hating chapters 4-6 after I wrote them and have just rewritten them! Much more to come dw! 

Pairings: Eventual Intrulogical, Eventual Rociet, Eventual One-Sided Logicality, Platonic Analogical, Platonic DRLAMP

Word Count: 2994

Tagslist: @under-the-blue-moonlight @why-should-i-tell-youu2

By almost all accounts, the next week got easier each day that passed. As Logan got acclimated to the chaos and worked on his notebook, things got much better. Part of this could be attributed to his time spent in the tech booth with Virgil. 

Their goal for the week was to pick their audition song and perfect it so that by Friday they could perform and Thomas could quickly and efficiently cast the show. Their performance was in November, which was absolutely way too soon for Logan but Janus had assured him that it was more than enough time to put on an adequate performance. He took Virgil’s lifeline offer surprisingly often. Sitting in the booth and quietly practicing his audition worked out some of the stress in him. Sometimes Virgil would look up from his switch and make a comment on his performance or suggest something is changed, but aside from that, they were quietly comfortable with each other’s presence amongst all of the chaos that was the rest of the theatre. 

When he left the booth, he was nearly swarmed by the others. It became routine. In the morning, he would spend time with Virgil, Patton, and their friend Emile. Oftentimes conversation was light, and the commentary was helpful and constructive. At lunch, he and Virgil would move to the tech booth and eat there together to get some peace and quiet in before inevitably being bombarded in the afternoon. After lunch, someone (usually Remus) would make their way up to the tech booth and drag them out to the boy’s dressing room. Virgil would sit in the corner and occasionally mess with one of the twins, or hiss at Janus in greeting, and Logan would be worked to the bone. He had decided to audition with Hamilton’s rap from My Shot; Doing the first and second halves, but cutting out the middle. Janus was extremely dedicated to being sure Logan’s performance would make an impression. Logan wanted the opposite, but he couldn’t argue with Janus’ dedication to making the entire show perfect. 

Though, Roman’s attitude didn’t really change that much. For four days, he stayed at a zero. By Friday morning, he actually enjoyed his routine in part. Aside from Roman. Actually, Logan thinks if Roman was completely removed from the situation he may actually be happy with his current predicament. All this has just been practice though. When Friday afternoon rolls around and his audition is getting closer and closer, he tries to focus on the other performers. When it’s Roman’s turn, he pays special attention. Now he sees why Roman has an ego about these things. His audition was very good, and he felt natural on the stage. He would make a wonderful Hamilton, and he really looked the part. Despite him and Remus being technically identical, he looked worlds different. His clothes were ironed perfectly, and he had obviously dressed a bit historically today. His wavy hair was combed to let his face shine through in the stage light, and he was...dear lord, was he wearing eyeliner? Logan shook it from his mind and listened to him sing. Just like the days he’d seen him practice, he was very good. Obviously star material. If he didn’t get Hamilton, Logan would eat a page from his notebook. Figuratively, of course. That would be bad for his digestive system. 

On either side of him are Patton and Virgil. He’s not really focusing on auditions until Roman’s, and after he phases back into his overthinking. He’s not nervous, he would never be nervous. Logically, there is no reason for him to be nervous. He’s just being vigilant. That’s it.

Virgil nudges him, “I can practically hear your thinking. You okay?”

“Oh-Uhm-Yes,” Logan says quietly, staring up at the performer on stage, “I’ll be fine.”

Virgil digs into his pocket and pulls out a little cube, he hands it to Logan with a kind expression, “See if that helps your anxiety.”

“I’m not anxious, there’s no reason for me to be anxious.” Logan scoffs, taking the little cube and running his thumb over the side with a small silver ball. The movement does make him feel a little better. 

Virgil smirks, and flicks his shoulder, “You’re smarter than that, Logan. C’mon.”

He’s right, and Logan knows it. Anxious feelings can be totally irrational and are oftentimes a result of doing something new or stressful. 

If he bombed this, it could be very stressful indeed. Janus would certainly not be happy after he put all that work into helping him. Roman would probably laugh, or make some comment about how he knew this would happen. Why did he even care anyway? He didn’t. He was simply falling victim to a very stupid bout of anxiety. When his name is called, he hands Virgil back his cube and makes his way up to the stage. He takes a deep breath, says he is auditioning for no one in particular, and then is cued in. He performs how he was coached, completely ignoring his anxiety and doing the best he possibly could. When he’s finished, Thomas looks very pleased as the crowd claps. Someone even wolf whistles and Logan is fairly certain it’s Remus. He sits quietly for the rest of the auditions, Virgil passes him back the cube. 

The cast list won’t be out until Monday, so all the kids have the weekend to spend enjoying their summer. Well, if they don’t enjoy theatre. Logan managed to be very productive on his days off. His chart was filled and he indulged in sleeping in on Saturday. For two days he was not checkmated by social interaction at all, and it was a paradise. He managed to burn through four books from the local library, and was working his way through the fifth when his phone went off. He picked it up, not expecting a text from Virgil. 

‘hey. logan i just saw the cast list and...god i really hope you dont get straight-up murdered.’

This had confused him heavily, and then he realized what Virgil might mean and he felt anxiety bubble up into his stomach. 

‘How did you see the cast list? Isn’t that classified until tomorrow?’

‘joan and i are tight, they let me see it.’

That makes sense, Virgil seemed close to Joan and Thomas. Closer than he was, at least.

‘Are you willing to tell me who I am playing?’

‘you have to act shocked tomorrow if i do.’

He started to panic, and he looked up at the sky as if pleading with God to make this a dream or a prank. 

‘Okay? Please tell me I didn’t get Hamilton.’

‘...sorry…’

His phone goes off a number of times after this, but he had to put it down. The lead? He was playing Hamilton? Alexander Hamilton, the leading man of the hit Broadway musical Hamilton?

The bubble of anxiety in his chest welled up and made him so nauseous that he couldn’t speak for fear of throwing up. 

He didn’t expect this, he didn’t even want this. He had been so anxious at the audition, and now he was the lead? What was he going to do? He couldn’t perform half as well as Roman! Why did Thomas choose him in the first place!? The idea of standing on that stage performing with an ensemble made him queasy, but Alexander Hamilton had solos. Songs where he stood alone and faced a crowd of eyes just pouring into him, staring at him. Staring into his soul and seeing that he was just a fake. A hack. The lights would be so bright that he would be able to see into the audience and make out faces. Then, after the audience decided they hated him, he would disappoint Thomas who had picked him to be the lead despite first hearing the songs on Monday. He would be hated by the other performers, a wildly untalented newcomer coming in and taking Roman’s spot as lead-And oh god, how would Roman feel? Virgil was right, Roman was going to kill him. It would be righteous too, Roman deserved it. He’d stolen away the lead role in a show he was passionate about. Why couldn’t the production have been something like Shakespeare? Or, even better, there should have been no production at all!

He manages to stumble his way to his bathroom before he throws up, and he hopes his mother didn’t hear him. His hands are still shaky as he cleans himself up and tries not to think about the play. He still feels nauseous and panicked. He spends thirty minutes calming himself down. His heart rate and breathing had risen substantially, and when he had finally calmed he realized he had even been crying. Managing to pick up his phone again, he looked at Virgil’s messages.

‘logan?’

Then a minute later, ‘logan are you okay?’

A few minutes later, ‘shit are you panicking?’ 

And a minute ago ‘text me back asap’ 

It’s nice to know it was concerning behaviour to Virgil as well. As he thought about his strange spiral of thoughts and forced himself not to think about them all at once, he realized what had just happened. What would continue to happen. 

‘I am okay. I believe I just had a panic attack. I haven’t had one in years.’

‘youve had one before?’ Ah, right. He hadn’t discussed this with Virgil. He hadn’t discussed a lot of his past with Virgil. 

‘When I was in middle school I had joined debate team, but I realized that public speaking gave me terrible anxiety. I used to take medication to help, as the panic attacks happened semi-regularly. Eventually, I stopped doing debate, and I stopped taking the medication as I thought that would be the end of it. I suppose that was reckless thinking, as it may just be a form of performance anxiety overall.’

‘why then, pray tell, are you fucking doing theatre?’ Logan smiles a little at that, he wondered too.

‘I thought it would go away.’ Logan can almost see Virgil rolling his eyes at the comment, ‘I will speak to my mother and get more medication.’

Then he thinks of Virgil's behaviour and asks, ‘Also, and I apologize if I am overstepping, do you not have an anxiety disorder?’

‘yeah ive got regular anxiety and social anxiety. its a bunch of bullshit. why do you think im on tech?’ He feels a little bad for Virgil now, anxiety disorders are not very pleasant. He only has bouts of anxiety situationally, he can’t imagine it being near-constant. 

‘I assumed it was because you enjoyed it. I will go and speak with my mother immediately.’

‘was being sarcastic L. anyway, tell me how it goes.’ Logan stops when he reads this. Tell him how it goes? That is an invitation to message him regularly, right? It sounds like it, or at least to tell him about a problem that has been irking him. That...that is a thing meant for friends right?

‘Are you sure? I was under the impression that our speaking was reserved for the theatre.’

‘i mean, it can be. but we can be out-of-theatre friends too. if you want. no pressure.’

This...this was a very welcome surprise. He supposed that despite his rebound into performance anxiety, making one of his first friends in a very long time could prove enjoyable. Scheduling conflicts aside. 

‘I would enjoy that. I will update you.’

When he asks his mother about going back on his anxiety medication, she immediately jumps into a very motherly mode. She pulls him into a hug, and pets his hair, asking if anything is wrong, if he’s okay, the whole nine yards. As much as any teenager would hate to admit it, he loved his mother very dearly. This affection was...a lot, yes, but he could endure it for her. She was only showing her care. It was late afternoon, so the doctor was still open. Out of some insane luck, they managed to get an appointment that afternoon and he had his medication by later that night. 

‘Virgil, I am happy to inform you that I am now in possession of medication for my anxiety again!’

‘that was super quick, congrats, im happy for you L.’

They talked for much longer, and Logan felt pleased by his gain in mood. Surprisingly, he was even able to talk about the books he had read with Virgil. If Sunday was on his chart, Logan is certain Virgil would get a twelve for today. Even if that broke his scale. 

He made it a point to ask his father to stop and get coffee the next morning. Partially for him, yes. The medication was new to his system again and had made him slightly groggy when it started taking effect. Though it was partially to get a “thank you” gift for Virgil. He had asked what kind of coffee he liked the previous night when they had talked, and ordered his favourite. He offered to pay for his and Virgil’s coffee, but his father simply shrugged.

“You’ve had a hard week, I’ll buy it for you.”

He smiled softly, appreciating his father’s kind gesture more than he would ever say out loud. When they arrived he even gave him a hug, which was hard with two coffee cups but he made it work. 

Before entering the auditorium he took a deep breath, and reminded himself that everything was going to work out. Which may be a lie, but he would have to enter to find out wouldn’t he? With a push, he made his way in. He regretted it almost instantly. He could hear Roman yelling backstage, probably having seen the cast list. To be fair, Logan didn’t know who Roman was cast as, but he hopes it wasn’t all too bad. Quickly, he manages to avoid any kids who are in the auditorium seats and slinks his way up into the tech booth. 

“Good morning, Virgil.” He says, setting down Virgil’s coffee in front of him. 

Virgil looks surprised, “Morning, is this for me?” 

“Who else would it be for?” Logan asks, making Virgil smirk. 

“Thanks, you should hurry down and look at the cast list though. Roman might rip it to pieces.” 

Logan nods and hurries out, but makes the decision to leave his drink with Virgil in case of any...emergency. 

Ducking into the backstage area, he finds Patton trying to calm down Roman, who is very very angry. Remus is laughing again, but Logan doesn’t know what is so funny about his imminent demise. Janus is the first to notice his presence and gives him a sympathetic nod. 

“Patton, he hadn’t even heard of Hamilton until a week ago! What kind of lead even is that!?”

“Look, I don’t understand it either, but when Thomas gets here you can talk to him! I’m sure Logan is going to be shocked when he gets…” Patton had noticed him and was now staring, “here…”

Roman notices and turns on him and shoves the cast list into his face, “Look at this, Logan! You! You are playing Hamilton! Are you happy!?”

Logan sighs deeply, taking the list and looking it over, “Not in the slightest if that makes you feel any better.”

“That actually somehow makes me feel worse!” Roman shouts then sits down in one of the backstage chairs to pout. 

Janus holds back his laughter, “Wow Logan, this is totally not hilarious at all, Roman should totally be pouting like a little kid and throwing a fit.”

“Guys! Seriously! It’s not a bad thing! Logan’s audition was amazing!” Patton says as cheerfully as usual and walks closer to Logan to point at the cast list, “Look, I’m playing Eliza! That’s super awesome! We’ll be doing a lot of scenes together so I hope we can become better friends!”

Logan just nods, going back to reading. Him as Hamilton, with Roman as his understudy. Along with being his understudy, Roman was going to play George Washington. Logan liked George Washington’s part, and though he didn’t understand his being Hamilton, he’s glad Roman got a large role. Janus would be playing Aaron Burr, which made a lot of sense. Janus would be wonderful as Burr. Patton, as he already said, would be playing Eliza. This was...a bit of a problem, the more Logan thought about it. Patton would be playing his love interest. He...he would think about that when it mattered more. Remus would be playing King George, which Logan was glad about. Remus seemed to really want to play the villain. Though Remus’ name was next to another character’s name as well. Maria Reynolds. Remus Grimm playing King George and Maria Reynolds. He would be in a scene where Remus would have to actively seduce him. 

Just as he started to wrap his head around this, Remus slung an arm over his shoulder. 

“Ain’t it just great that I get to be a monarch and a whore!? I, personally, couldn’t be happier. Make money, get dick, I always say!” Remus says excitedly. 

Logan chokes on his own spit, and has to cough a bit before he can reply, “I can see how the seduction angle appeals to you.”

“It won’t appeal to me if you get sick and Roman ends up Hamilton!”

Logan visibly cringes and Remus chuckles, “So you better not drop out or something, dork! I can do a lot of gross shit but acting out the seduction of my twin brother is way too gross.”

Thinking for a second, Logan turns to look at Remus, who is smiling at him. His teeth are so sharp. His eye shadow is bright violet and a mess. He really does look like he had recently been at a rave. 

“I’ll be sure not to disappoint you, Remus.”

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

I’ve never watched it, so i can’t say much but after those screenshots i doubt i will lol.

absolute screeching at the idea of desi tony the tiger, thank you for that mental image. honestly i feel like most brown people would like to be blissfully ignorant to the idea that queer Indians exist which is honestly sometimes nicer than hearing homophobic/transphobic shit.

haha i mean it kind of makes sense that you weren’t at your parents wedding where premarital sex is a big no-no. but I’ve only been to like three weddings and yeah, they always make comments when the bride even ever do slight sticks up for herself :/

also indian weddings are where a lot of the gossip happens lmao

me too, i absolutely love Hindu myths and arjun is a favorite of mine. draupadi is also high on my list; she raises so many valid points in the original texts about women and misogyny, plus i watched a tv show about the Mahabharata and the actress who played her was really pretty.... so potential childhood gay crush lol

it wasn’t by any means accepting, but kind of acknowledged that queer people existed. also the idea of lgbt heroes makes my heart really happy..

i don’t and i don’t think I’ve heard of it, but it sounds rlly cool! i don’t watch a lot of telugu shows, but sometimes i listen to bits in the background cause my parents watch a lot of dhee :)

every time i send you a super long anon, i feel like i’m writing a letter to a long lost friend. so *dips quill in ink* i hope that the weather is treating you well and you have plenty good harvest

with a casual shoulder bump

- indi <3

who needs a desi tony the tiger when we have the tide ads like "aVoKaYyArA?????" those will never fail to make me lose my mind. i do agree that its nice to just be ignored rather than blatantly hated, but its kinda... pick your poison, yk?

lmao yeah, i was born a year after they got married, and ive been to three or four weddings but they were all a while ago and im the most mature and usually the oldest relative who has the time to care for the kids so im always just wrangling twenty to thirty kids at the lowest lmao. one time i actually made and brought one of those ropes with hairbands on them for kids to put their hands in so they walk in a straight line in schools? that was much easier but i wasnt allowed to bring it again :(

sooo true ive discovered so many scandals in my family through weddings, sometimes i have to pinch myself to make sure i havent dropped into a weird dream where im in an indian serial bc its so dramatic

Draupadi is awesome, yes!!! idk if youve heard of it but theres a book series called the Pandava Quintet, starting with Aru Shah and the End of Time, and its basically the Pandavas reincarnated as middle school girls, and its really good, i love it, and the reincarnation of Draupadi is referred to as wifey once they know who it is and its honestly hilarious.

i read the Mahabharata when i was really young in telugu, i dont know if i'll be able to do that again, but at some point i'll find an english translated version and read it, bc i remember most of the stories, but it'll be nice to have it all put together.

i havent seen dhee whats it about? but you should watch dancee+, the host talks forever but its mostly fun and it's super cool to see such talented dancers do takes on popular songs, and im gay crushing on two of them 😌 plus they like to stir up drama between the judges for shits and giggles so you have a little bit of everything (and kids are adorbable i want to adopt them 🥺)

no but it feels exactly like that for me!! im a sucker for writing letters so this is actually awesome, so *taps quill on well to get rid of excess ink* the weather is as kind as it desires, and its desires are as fleeting as the wind, and strawberries, grapes, and other fruits have been plentiful and eaten, but blueberries have been stolen away by thieves in feathered cloaks. i wish you plenty in return, and hope the world is kinder to you than ever. (signed, the dark prince of the night)

*bumps your shoulder back like besties in a hallway*

i love you indi <3

[poptod]

hey there! hope i’m not bothering u. maybe a snafu x reader after the war where he tries to impress them at a bar with war stories but y/n was an air force pilot and it turns into a debate of who was more badass during the war? sweet at the end maybe? i’m addicted to ur writing lmao. thanks again for always answering my requests!

notes: not a problem at all :) unfortunately the power has been out at my house for a day or two so this is a tad late, but youve got fun ideas so i dont mind writing them at all. hope you like this one too

It had to be past midnight – somehow despite that fact, you were still wide awake. Maybe it was the fact that you hadn't taken your sleeping pills, or the pounding loud shouts of the bar's drunken patrons, but you did not lag behind your friend. She'd dragged you there, saying something about getting free drinks since she was banging the bartender. Before either of you knew it, she was off flirting with another man (which the bartender did not like), and you were ordering your third drink. Not the most you'd drunk in one night, not even close, but it was enough to give you a pleasant buzz, allowing you to relax against the bar counter and look out across the crowd.

Within the next several hours most of the crowd had filed out, making way for a new wave of soldiers, ones that had just arrived home and were celebrating their life still belonging to themselves. You were once part of that menagerie; the only difference was you had become a marine before the war ever started, and while you were there for the beginnings of the war, your contract with the marine corps ended soon after. It left you feeling apart from both citizens and soldiers – someone who didn't know the horrors of war, but who was traumatized enough that society didn't care to love them anymore.

Unlike many returning soldiers, you did not turn to alcohol to fix your issues. For the most part you distracted yourself with work, working and working till there was nothing in your head but work – there was little else in your life besides work now, the one exception being your friend, Penny. She made sure you ate, made sure you got outside and had human contact. For that you will always be grateful.

Your attention wavers from her only when one of the returning soldiers stands right beside you at the bar, ordering a bottle of beer before noticing you, his posture suddenly changing as he does so. His back straightens out a little, his hips a little more forward, elbows on the bar behind him so as to show off toned forearms and a skinny waist. He stares for a little while – you pay him no mind. When he gets his drink, that's when he actually speaks to you.

"What's a doll like you doin' here?" He says, and you almost roll your eyes. What a typical start.

"Keepin' a friend company," you answer him quietly, taking a swig of your own drink. It's not entirely a lie, although you feel you're keeping less and less of her company the more she drifts off to the side, caught up in the stare of a rather handsome man with a fair amount of scruff.

"Really? You come here often? I'm - jus' curious. I've never been here before," he says, clarifying that he isn't that stupid so as to use that specific line, a clarification you appreciate.

"This is my first time. My friend though, she comes here often, says she likes the atmosphere," you tell him, nodding in the direction of Penny, who is currently in a corner with the stranger. "You're a soldier, right?"

"Yessir," he says with a proud nod, "just returnin', actually."

You nod absently, looking out across the general crowd before you at last meet his eye. In the neon red lights you can barely see him, the shape of his face against the black mass of people, the color of his eyes against long eyelashes that flutter when he scans you up and down. All you can tell about him is his voice – rough and deep, drawling his words and humming his thoughts.

"You meet many marines?" He asks, and you can already tell he's gearing up to tell you some horrid stories of the war. Unfortunately, you don't know him well enough yet to know if he's going to tell you the truth, and a small part of you hopes he doesn't tell the truth. The truth is gorey and dangerous and heartbreaking, and you're not ready to live out such memories and tales again. Not yet.

"I've met a few," you say vaguely, watching the way a grin cracks across his face as he chuckles smooth and low.

"All I gotta say is you're lucky I ain't no army kid, those assholes are weak as all hell," he says, something you fully agree with, and something that has a sweet giggle coming involuntarily out of you. He smiles even bigger when he watches the way you laugh.

"My father was a marine," you say, coming down from your high. "He said the same thing."

"He's right, y' know... me n' my troop, we was out on that godforsaken island in the Pacific, hot as hell every day – humid, too. We saw hell n' back, shootin' at Japs n' gettin' shot at, sitting in all those damn trenches, up to ya knees in mud, and there go the fuckin' army soldiers, prancing around like goddamn deer. Funniest shit I ever seen, though to be fair, I don't think any a' us had much to eat that day," he recalls fondly, but you can tell he's suppressing the worse memories. You don't ask on that – it'd be rude, and it's not a subject you want to talk about. Nonetheless, he continues. "An you know, you're sittin' in mud all day n' night, you're gonna get pretty dirty, right?"

You nod attentively. If there's one thing you're still good at after your time in the marine corps, it's listening well.

"So we're all covered in mud, and they come by in a neat row, with their freshly washed hair and white as all hell skin – I made a bet with this one fella, Burgie, a' said they'd get so sunburnt after a week on that island, they'd be cryin'. I was right, of course," he says, motioning with his hands as he told the story. At the end he rubs his nose and turns back to you, watching for your reaction, and loving the way you still manage to enjoy his story.

"So you're tellin' war stories now?" You ask, leaning in closer and smirking imperceptibly when his breath catches in his throat. "What's your best story, then?"

He doesn't skip a beat, another one of those sweetly impure smiles coming across him as he starts.

"Hell, there's a lot to choose from. I do remember though," his hand comes up to his shirt collar, unconsciously toying with it, "this one Jap snuck into our camp, still don't know how, but he was one a' those damn kamikaze soldiers, the radical ones. He shouted somethin', don't remember what, but everyone went for their guns – I did too, an' we all pointed at his chest, cause it's easier to aim that way, y'know? But the bombs were tied to his chest, so a' aimed at the head. Shot him dead center between his eyes," he tells you with an air of pride and a hint of disgust. You don't blame him.

"That's a good story," you say with a small smile.

Anticipation creeps up on you as you wait till he's done prattling off little details, just waiting till you can watch the light die in his eyes as you tell him your own war story.

"I think my best marine story would have to be when I was flyin' over this active war field, there's fighter pilots everywhere in the sky, and sometimes it's hard to tell which jet belongs to which side in the moment. Everythin' goes by fast, but I saw this Jap flagged plane drop a bomb the size of a whole person. Immediate reaction was to shoot at the bomb, and I got pretty lucky – it blew up midair, and I was far enough it didn't hurt me," you say, unable to stop a grin from coming to you when the man slowly realizes that he's talking to another marine.

"Oh, you're a marine too, ain't you?" He says, but it's not a question – no, it sounds more like a challenge, and one you're completely willing to participate in. "Where you stationed?"

"I was in Hawaii at first," you say quietly, and he immediately gets the implication. Although you both now know what you saw, and the topic is in your heads, neither of you explore that further. "Later got stationed at some place in the Pacific. Like you. Though, I was on the ocean, not an island."

"What's your kill count?" He asks, and he leans forward just a little bit, drawing closer to you.

"Does it really matter?" You ask in return.

"'Course it does. You gonna be out here tellin' me you didn't count?"

"I didn't," you say truthfully. "A bit hard to see how many y' kill from a thousand feet in the air."

"Y'ever do parachute drops?"

"Once," you say. "Did you?"

"Nah, parachute drops ain't nothin' compared to the shit I did," he says, dismissing the notion as if it wasn't important. Now he's trying to impress you – again.

"Really?" You ask, almost sarcastic, but you manage to hold that part back. "What is it that you did then that was so much more terrifying and dangerous than freefalling through the atmosphere?"

"Try carryin' mortars on ya back in searing heat, n' all the while you n' ya company's out takin' a little hike 'cross a whole island filled with Japs," he says cockily, angling his chin upwards in a motion that accentuates his already sharp-as-hell jawline.

"Wow, a whole island," you say sarcastically, but he sees the humor behind it.

"Hey, Japan's an island too an' they big enough that they got the whole nation in uproar," he points out.

"Whatever makes you feel better," you say, taking a sip of your drink.

"What's your rank anyway?" He asks as he puts his drink on the counter, crossing his arms.

"I'm a major," you say, and once again the light dies in his eyes. You almost want to spare him the embarrassment of telling you his own rank, but you are curious, and it's just too fun to let him off. "What's your rank?"

"... corporal," he answers quietly, and you have to hold back a laugh. You try really hard, you really do, just so hard not to laugh, but you end up snorting anyway, and you can't even begin to work on your smile.

"Alright, corporal," you say, still trying not to laugh. Placing your own drink down on one of the bar coasters you turn to him, curling his loose tie around one of your hands and pulling him forward, practically devouring his nervous delight. "Y' really wanna play this game?"

"I'm the one who started it, ain't I?" He says, and you admire his tenacity to talk back to a superior officer.

"What's your full name and title, Corporal?"

"Corporal Merriel Shelton," he answers softly, his eyes suddenly stuck on the words that form on your blushing lips. "Ma' friends jus' call me Snafu, though."

"Mmm," you hum, looking him up and down much like he'd done to you earlier, "the hell you do to earn that kind a' name?"

"Oh, I'm just reckless, baby," he says with a smirk, gaining the confidence needed to lean into your touch more. You can feel his hips almost pressed against yours, the feeling doing nothing but making you pull his tie even more, a smile beginning to tug at the edges of your lips.

"Mind showin' me?"

"Not at all," he says in the impossibly low voice of his, and with that you're his, if only for the evening.

[synchlora]

More trans mcr songs!! More trans mcr songs!!

BRO!! hell yeah more trans mcr songs!!!

this time featuring: burn bright!!

"so give me all youve got, i can take it. we walked alone in your city lights." this line feels spiteful, like the speaker is challenging a person who hurt them or even just society as a whole. saying they can take whatever they've got to throw at them, they're stronger now and can deal with it no matter what. the city lights line is in past tense, "walked alone" like the speaker was once alone but has since found others. "we" seems to refer to those others in this situation, other trans people and just in general the idea of a community. the city lights seeming like spotlights to every individual person, every trans person under the scrutiny of "your" city lights, but that's in the past and it's no longer individual. people are together now.

"did you make it? we lit the fire and it's burning bright." okay, so i feel like this switches who it's addressing for a moment. it sounds more sincere, like the speaker is asking the listener personally if they've made it, if they made it through the city lights to everyone beyond. and the line abt fire sounds like a beacon almost. like not only is it an act of rebellion to catch a fire like that, it's also a massive symbol to let everyone know, hey, we're here, you can still make it, don't be afraid.

"did you take it? kissed all the boys in your city lights." this is. a line abt sexuality, being out in the open under the "city lights." clearly showing who you are for all to see. being open abt who you are even under the scrutiny of others.

"did you make it? left all the stars in your city nights." this line is abt sacrifice. leaving behind the stars for city nights where you can't see them anymore. moving on in a way, making a new life somewhere that you know nothing abt.

"can you fake it? i lost my way in your city lights." this line sounds desperate, afraid to be found out and blinded by the lights in a way. too afraid to be open for the very real fear of harm. this line is for those who are still unable to be themselves.

"not ashamed of what i am. i took the pills for those empty nights cause it makes me who i am." alright this is just. so fucking trans oh my god. obviously, the speaker isn't ashamed of who they are, they may be afraid and feel alone but they're proud. pills could refer to a million things here from anti depressants to hormones so take that line as you will. i personally interpret it as both, like something to stabilize your mental health would make you who you are but so would taking hormones if transitioning would make you closer to who you really are. idk, this line is just. so fucking trans....

"they always told me that 'youll never get to heaven' with a love like yours. and if you're lost little boy, the cameras pull you right back down, yeah." farquad pointing meme TRANS. so this line obviously goes along the idea of never being good enough, never being able to go to heaven because of who/how you love and exist. which. gay and trans here. this is also the first time the speaker gets outright gendered by whoever "they" are here. and that makes me think it's even more trans bc gerard tends to write trans songs from the perspective of a transfeminine/gnc person (pls do not smite me for this, i am simply stating this reccuring theme). so the outsiders seeing the speaker as a "lost little boy" ties so much into this being a narrative abt a transfeminine person trying to be themself. AND THE CAMERA LINE. that shit is abt self-perception and image. showing the speaker what they rly look like just to rub in like hey youll never be who you want to be. which, god, that line. hurts :))))

"it's like a chemical burn. im peeling off your skin, yeah. and when you see your face youll never be the same again." this seems to be back from the speakers point of view, but also referring to themself in the second person. they're burned from all the shit people say, all the norms they're meant to fit in to be cis when they're not. and they're peeling all that fear and all that hatred away to show their true self. and they know that once they discover who they truly are, there's no turning back. they'll know who they are and they'll know they're trans. and they'll have to deal with it, they'll never be the same.

"cause if you just stop breathing, i'll stop, i'll stop my heart. i'll stop breathing too." this is once again the speaker in second person talking abt being trans. having that sort of disconnect w who you are and who the world sees you as. these lines are saying that if they "kill" their true self, then the person they've pretended to be will die with that. they can't stop the breathing of their actual self because it'll kill who everyone perceives them as. they're one in the same, their trans thoughts (for lack of a better word) and themself.

"i confess that i can't wait until it's gone. no, i mean this every single day." this feels like wishing for your old identity to disappear. wanting who you were to never have existed and wishing that you could've always been yourself the whole time. but instead you have to deal with knowing that's still how some people perceive and will continue to perceive you. the speaker "confesses" that yeah, they wish they could be perceived differently and to never have been seen as the person they weren't.

"don't go if you've got more to say cause the world don't need another hopeless cause." dont give up and don't be silent. let yourself be who you are while you still can and let the world fuckin know it. there's no need for more hopeless causes when you can do something about it. don't ever let them silence you or anyone else and don't ever let them turn another person's life into misery.

"be afraid of what i am." the world is afraid of what you are and yeah let them be. let them be afraid to see people being themselves, let them be afraid to be bigoted, let them feel the fear that you felt.

"i burned it all but im doing fine cause i'll never fade away. i'll steal the fire from your city nights." the speaker is burning through it all, destroying everything that held them back. and they're not going away, they're not stopping at just that. they're taking away the fire from others who are hurting people like them, burning bright to help them as well.

GOD this is just SUCH a good angry trans song and i will fucking die on that hill <33 like the more i read into the lyrics the more i fucking lose it this is so godamn trans

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

hi💕 did you get my ask yesterday? anyway it’s okay if you didn’t, i just got another idea because i’m feeling shitty today, what about chris and you liking each other but you don’t want to say anything because you don’t feel worthy of him so when he insinuates you just dismiss him and he thinks you don’t like him like super angsty but happy ending?

This one was fun, I hope I got that bit of angsty feel to it, while keeping it light hearted. If he ever told me he had feelings for me, I would be all adkfjakldfjqier HOT MESS. Lol. If you like this kind of theme, @jtargaryen18 has a great chapter one with this feel called Jealous Guy with Chris x Reader. Its so good! 

You looked at Chris as you popped open his fridge, and stuck your head in. “Buddy, if you are out of beer before this bbq even begins, can we even call it a bbq?” Straightening and looking at the thread bare shelves, you arch a brow. Did he even eat?

“Its out in the garage Y/N, trust me I know better then not to have beer.” He rolls his eyes at you, making burger patties and setting them on a platter, a splash of Worcester sauce, salt, pepper. Yea good enough. You make your way to the garage through the kitchens side door and grab two bottles. Okay, thats better. He had a full fridge in the garage, as well as the extras to bring out into the back yard when they go to set up.

Going back in, you make sure the door is firmly shut, outside was sweltering already, and you considered the idea that you all maybe should have extra ice on hand. “Yes I got plenty of ice to” Chris says with a grin as he rips off some saran wrap and covers the burgers before handing you the platter to place into his fridge.

“I promise, I only asked you here to hang out. I got all the rest covered." Chris moved to wash his hands and you hip check the fridge shut.

"Okay! Okay! I give! I'm here.... Only as a guest...."

He paused, knowing it was coming.

".... Who feels like she should help you get ready."

That earned you a hand towel being chucked at you, the two of you laughing as you both headed out to his patio, calling Dodger to join you two, and Chris snagged his sunglasses while waiting for his pup to join you two.

The two of you has been best friends for many years, it was an easy going, no expectation kinda deal. There we're times, you wanted to take it further, you knew those little over the top things he did privately for his girlfriend's, after all you had helped him brainstorm a few of them. But they were never for you, always the best friend, you weren't complaining. You valued this, but you wondered what it could have been like.

You were out of his league anyways, you knew that, he knew that. Life is what it is. These were your thoughts on the subject.

But the past year he pulled back from that scene. Seemed to focus on himself, what he wanted to accomplish after his Marvel stint. You had asked him a couple times if he was seeing anyone. Chris would just kind of shrug, become elusive in his answers. "He, I'm to busy"

Somehow you would never catch his glance your way when you would go back to what you were doing. He was not to busy, he was conflicted.

You were his best friend. He didn't want to ruin one of his most valued relationships by asking for more. Even if it could be the best thing in his life.

"When's everyone supposed to get here?" You ask, as you move over to sit on the edge of his in ground pool. Kicking off your flip flops and lowering to dip your toes in, and sinking your leg in as you sat down, careful with the glass bottle. He loped over next to you, already barefoot, he lowered next to you and took a drag before he set it next to yours.

"Couple hours yet, although Scott and Zach will probably be by sooner."

"They are so damn cute" you remarked, having just met Scotts boyfriend a few weeks ago when you were invited to a party they were throwing

Chris chuckled softly, watching Dodger on the other side of the pool, rubbing himself in the freshly cut grass, staining his white fur green. "They really are, and Scotts so happy, probably the happiest ive seen him in a long time." You picked up on that wistful note, glancing over at him and let your shoulder nudge him. "Did I just hear a note of longing Christopher, Mr. I like being a bachelor?"

You were only teasing, but he looked thoughtful at you, blue eyes scanning over your face, and you felt that all familiar tingle flushing the tops of your cheeks. Damn it y/n, check yourself woman.

"Well maybe, yea. I would like something more then the occasional fling, and just sex. But I'm not sure she be interested in me like that. We've never discussed it, and shes never necessarily hinted in more then what we got."

You, so completely not picking up on what he was really saying, cause in your mind, he couldn't ever be into you. "Well doofus, you have to tell her. Come on, your a catch Chris. Any woman would be happy with you, and with luck, she will make you happy to." You tipped back your bottle, the icy cold beer tingling your lips in that delicious way, your tongue would swipe along your bottom lip, Chris trying to keep himself from getting to distracted.

Playing with the neck of his bottle, he sloshed it a bit, and then set it aside before taking a drink from it. “Okay, I will. Y/N, what do you say, would you like to go out on a date with me?” You just about choked on your beer, sputtering and he reached over to tap his hand against your back. “Jesus Christ woman, breath!”

“You-you want to go out, with me? why in the world would you want to...?” Your voice drifted off, and Chris arched his brows, reaching out to take your hand, which you let him. Still shocked at his question.

“Really Y/N? You cant really be questioning why? Ive known you for years. We have fun together, you already know about all the risks that come to dating me. Youve never, wondered about what it would be like for us? Cause I have many times.”

“Well yea Chris, I mean... ive noticed, dont get me wrong. But im me... your you, it just...” You gave a shrug, not really wanting to say those words. Chris tilted his head, blue eyes searching for what you werent exactly spitting out, and shook his head.

“I dont get what you mean Y/N, what does that have to do with anything?”

“Come on Chris”pulling back your hand, you splashed your leg a bit while drawing it out, and wrapping your arm around it as you bent it, watching the water run down to the tips of your toes, suddenly they were fascinating, you could really just watch those droplets race away all day then to answer Chris’s question. But he wasnt backing down, and you could feel his incredibly blue in the sunshine, im innocent but also know what Im doing to you babes, eyes fucking staring at you. “You are so out of my league, Ive seen the woman youve dated in the past.”

Taken aback, his brows furrowed in frustration. “Thats bullshit Y/N, you think I would think anyone wouldnt deserve me cause I happen to make movies?” He went silent, contemplating what he wanted to say next. The fact that you felt that way about yourself just proved that he was going to have to show you how incredible you were. “Just a chance Y/N, if you have any feelings for me. Its all I ask for.” Turning back to you, he dipped his head to hover near yours.

Waiting for you to give an answer, your heart race cause he was that close. You could feel the soft breaths of air coming from his soft breaths and your eyes darted to those full lips, making your own throb with wanting to brush against them. But hes your friend, your mind screams and then a soft whisper. But he can be so much more.

It was all interrupted when Scott called from inside the house, and you pulled away, scooting back and moving to a stand, grabbing the emptied beer bottles. It was an excuse to get away from what you actually wanted to say. “Let me grab us another!” Racing away to go greet Scott, Chris lets his head falls into his hands, groaning. I was so close, and scared you away.

Scott busted through the door to find Chris pulling himself to a stand, catching the drawn look he had, he tilted his head “Out with it, I know that look, and thats the one you use when something is bugging you.”

“Nothing is wrong Scott” Chris lied, Dodger promptly coming over to greet his “uncle”, in which Scott immediately ruffled his ears. Not to be distracted though, he gave another spill it motion.

“Okay, if you MUST know Scott, I might have told Y/N I had feelings for her.”

Scotts eyes widened, and he grinned. “Well its about damn time Chris! You two have been dancing around each other for a year. Even Zach said we should just push you two together to kiss.”

“Yea well, it didnt go as I hoped.” His hand went up to the back of his neck, rubbing it. “She feels shes not in the same league? How is that even a worry.”

Scott shrugged and loped his arm over his brothers shoulder. “Hey, shes probably just nervous and caught her by surprise. Talk to her again after the party, and relax bro. Trust in your gut.” Chris wrinkled his brow as he listened to Scott, he made some good points. It was unexpected after all. He had certainly never hinted it before at you that he had any real interests. “Come on, let go see what those two are up to and finish setting up.”

Inside, you and Zach were dicing up some fruit they had brought for a fruit salad, having avoided bringing Chris that second beer, and Chris didnt remark on it once they came back inside. He smiled over at you and you glanced down right quick, moving to drop the strawberries in. Was it going to be awkward? Fuck you hoped not. But to your relief, there was no change. Everyone fell into an easy chatter, Chris went and started his grill, and before you all knew it, the party was underway with people showing up, bringing more food, games were played and most likely to much beer got consumed.

The evening started winding down, and you bid your goodbyes, touching Chris’s arm “So im going to head out, it was a great time, dont forget to drink some water before bed though. You will wake up with a headache.” A frown plays on his lips.

“Wait, your really leaving? I thought we could talk.” His eyes flashed hopeful at you, and honestly right now it was all more then you wanted to get into.

“Yea, I got an early morning and stuff I need to take care of.” White lies werent harmful, right?

“How about I come over tomorrow then?” He was still trying, one thing about Chris, once he set his mind to something, he rarely backed down.

“Text you, I promise!” You say a bit overly cheerfully and dart out the door, leaving him on his own once more. Digging out your keys, you escape to your car and pull out of his drive. Driving around, you ended up going nowhere near home, instead you drove around, trying to process your thoughts.

Why couldnt you Y/N? Dont you deserve some kind of happiness and youve always been attracted to him. Just always putting yourself down, you did that with your ex to. Here Chris was saying he had feelings beyond just friends and you ducked out the door before telling him that you might have as well for years.

This was how it went for a couple hours, getting dark you turned on your head lights, and before you realized where you were, your car pulled into Chris’s driveway, tapping your fingers on the wheel. His lights were still on, but everyones cars were gone. Were you really going to do this? Yes... Yes you are. Y/N, you have someone who wants to see if you two are meant to be something more, someone you actually care for as well. Stop holding back.

Going up the front steps, you consider letting yourself in, but you simply knock instead, twisting your fingers together. Dodgers bark emits, and you can hear Chris on the other side. “Hush boy, its okay. Back up buddy.” And then the click, he opened his door and a quirk of a smile folds up the corner of his mouth. “Hey.... “ You take a deep breath and step up to him, grasping his face in your hands, and sweep up to your toes to reach him. Why he have to be ridiculously tall? The sharp taste of beer and him flooded your senses, and his arm tilted around to brace you in close, holding back enough so you could control this kiss, it was yours, and he wasnt about to scare you off again.

Pulling back, you smooth your hands down to his shoulders, clearing your throat. “First of all, Chris you know I dont want to loose our friendship, second I want to see how good we could be. And third...”

Suddenly Scott appeared in the background, grinning wide. Apparently he didnt leave. “ITS ABOUT TIME YOU TWO!!!”

Cats out of the bag, you and Chris were going to see where this would go.

[mysteryofren]

Im Sorry

part 13 of So Happy Together

12: https://mysteryofren.tumblr.com/post/616079953974444032/nice-to-see-youve-made-a-friend

  “My love, trust me had i known they were here, i wouldn't have brought you.” you felt like passing out. 

“Why would she not want to see her own mother and father?” you heard your mother's voice. It sickened you. 

 All you saw was your grandfather yelling as he fought with your parents. You couldn't move. You couldn't speak. You felt as if you weren't even really there. 

“Stop.” it only came out as a whisper as they kept yelling.

“Stop.” it was a bit louder. You watched as Ben got up from the table and walked towards you and Matt. they were still fighting. 

“STOP.” you screamed out. Just then everyone turned to you. The tears poured down your face as you looked at your grandfather. Ben stood on the other side of you. He put an arm around your shoulder to try and calm you down. 

“NO dont FUCKING touch me.” you yelled in his face. You were crying so hard Matt proceeded to hold your hand again. He said nothing knowing you needed to let it out. 

“I’m so sick and tired of you trying to be nice in front of everyone so they think you're nice.” you turned to the room. “Newsflash he's an asshole, and a giant one too. He acts like we're friends, but we're not. Me and Matt are friends.” 

They all stared at you like you were crazy, but you didn't care. You were sick of everything. 

“Y/N you're embarrassing us stop it right now.” you're mother said from her seat. You turned to her. 

“No. You don't get to step in and parent when it benefits you. BOTH of you. It's not fair that you ignore me and act like you hate me, but when we're in front of your friends you act like I'm everything to you two. This isn't even embarrassing. you wanna see embarrassing? I'll show it to you!”

 You let go of Matt and walked further into the dining area. “These two assholes haven't seen me in three years. They ignored every call, every text, and every single fucking attempt i made to have a connection with them. We’re not a family we’re a fucking joke. The only person who cares is pop pop! He raised me, but they won't tell you that. You know why?”

Everyone was silent. Now they were looking at your parents who looked nervous. 

“They won't tell you that he raised me, because they want you to think they did. They want you to think I turned out great with them as parents. If I were being honest though they didn't have shit to do with me. I work my ass off to get the grades I get. I work my ass off to help with charities, and fundraisers at school and in my personal life.” 

You turned to your father who made his way over to your mother. 

“The worst part is I can't even hate you. I want you both to love me so bad, but i know it will never happen. It's okay though. I don't need you guys. I have pop pop and my friends. It's you guys who are losing out on something great, not me.” there was nothing but silence. Deep down you were screaming at yourself for what you had just done, but you needed this. You walked over to your grandfather and hugged him. You whispered an apology before running off. You heard your name being called by everyone, but you didn't care. You wanted to get away. You ran right out the door and just kept running. It was cold, but you couldn't feel it. It was about 5 minutes before you realized you didn't know where you were going. In your weird anxious haze you left your phone back at the Skywalker house. That's when it all hit you. What were they saying about you? Were they laughing at you? You kept running, you stayed running for a while. 

About 30 minutes out you got tired and decided to just walk. At this point you had no clue where you were. You didn't want to go back so you kept following the road you were one. It was getting cold. Too cold. You needed to get inside somehow. You recognized nothing around you. Eventually you just walked up to a random door, and knocked hoping whoever was inside would open. After about a minute the door opened, and you saw a woman on the other side. She was Tall, and had a small frame. She had kind looking eyes, and hair that looked like it had some purple fading out of it.

“Excuse, “ you said in the gentlest voice you could. “Im very lost and have no clue where i am. I left my phone at someones house, and was wondering if i could use yours to call someone.”

“Of course you can come in.” she opened the door wider and moved so you could come in. 

“I'm so sorry about this, i've been walking for a while, and had no idea where i was going.” 

“Its absolutely no problem. Do you know the number of the person you need to call?” 

“Yes ma’am.” she handed you her phone, and you dialed the only number you knew by heart.

‘Elaine? Its Y/N.’

‘Stars Y/N where are you? Matt said you ran off and left all your stuff at his house’

‘I don't want to talk about it. Do you think you can come get me? I can't go back there.’

‘Of course, can you send me the address?’

‘Yeah. thank you El’

‘I'll be leaving as soon as you send it. I love you. Be safe.’

 She hung up and you turned to the woman and asked if she could send the address to Elaine. She took the phone and typed it out quick before handing it back. 

“Thank you so much ma’am i really appreciate it. I'm going to go ahead and wait outside for my friend.” 

“In that cold? Over my dead body you're staying in here where it's warm.” for the first time in the night you smiled. She led you into her living room and motioned for you to sit on the couch.

“Im Y/N.” you held your hand out to her. 

“Hello Y/N, im Amilyn. Amilyn Holdo.” she took your hand and shook it.

“Amilyn. That's a beautiful name.”

“Thank you dear, can i get you anything? A drink maybe? Something warm to get your body temp up?” 

“Some teas would be wonderful.” she stood up and walked out of the room. You looked around and took in your surroundings. The living room was beautifully decorated. It had a modern look to it, everything was black or white. She had a few photos on the wall. One of her and a man, another of the man, and one of her in a military uniform. You stood up and went over to study it more. She was younger in the photo. Much younger. Maybe her 20’s. You through the other photos, and saw in some she was older. You looked and saw her getting the tea ready and you called out to her. 

“You were in the military?”

“Yes, right out of high school. It's all I had ever wanted to do.”

“How long?” 

“About 20 years. I was an admiral when I was medically discharged.”

“That's amazing. Do you mind if i ask what you do now?”

“Let me get your tea ready, and i'll tell you a story.” 

You sat on the couch once more and a couple of seconds later she walked in and handed you a mug. She sat next to you and told you everything. She had met her husband when she had first started in the military. They both knew it was love at first sight and got married almost as soon as they started dating. They had saved up all their money so that once they retired they could open a small bakery together. She told you about how they had made so many plans for it. They had the name, logo, and decor set up for the whole thing. Then one day they were both stationed out somewhere. She didn't want to talk about exactly what happened, but she got hurt. He died. She was discharged and she moved here. She used the life insurance to buy a small space to open the bakery up, and made their dream come true. It was heartbreaking. the way she talked about him. You could tell she still loved him. A lot. 

“How long has the bakery been around now?” 

“About 3 years. It's not much, but I have a lot of loyal customers, and I love what I do.”

“What's the name?”

“The Huts. It was an inside joke between me and my husband so naming it that felt right.”

 You two stayed talking for an hour before there was a knock at her door. She stood and opened it. 

“I'm sorry. Is my friend here, her name is Y/N.”

“Yes, come in dear.” she moved 

 You watched as Elaine scooted past Amilyn and rushed over to you. 

“Thank god you're okay! C’mon Matt is meeting us at the dorms to give your things back.” you got up and Amilyn walked over to take the mug from your hands. 

“Amilyn, i can't tell you how much i appreciate what you did.”

“Listen darling, i know what it's like to be scared and alone. I'm glad you knocked on my door. Some other people in the neighborhood may not have been as kind.” She put the mug down and grabbed a pen and paper and scribbled something on it. 

“If you ever need anything feel free to call, or stop by the bakery. I'm always happy to help.”  she handed the paper over, and on it was 2 numbers and 2 addresses. You figured one was the bakeries address and number with the other being her personal ones. You hugged her and she hugged back. She gave good hugs too. It was a warm, and comforting hug. You walked out with El as you thanked her again. You got in her car and you two drove in silence. You didn't want to talk, and she knew. It was about an hour later you saw the lights of the campus in the distance. 

“You almost gave us a heart attack. When Matt called he was in a panic he didn't know where you were.” you could hear she was about to cry. “I got scared. When you never went back I thought something had happened to you.”

“Hey,” you put your hand on her shoulder as she drove. “I'm ok. I'll tell you everything when we get there.” she nodded her head and you both stayed silent as she pulled into the school parking lot. You saw Matt, Hux, and Phasma standing near your dorm. As they saw the Car pull in they ran over. You took a deep breath and stepped out as they got closer. Phas was the first to get to you. She hugged you tight as everyone else stood around. When she let go they all looked up and down your body as if examining it for anything wrong. Finally Matt broke the silence. 

“I grabbed your things from my room.” he held out your bag. 

“Thanks. I'm sorry about everything that happened. I have no clue what got into me. I just. Lost it”

“Hey you have every right to.” he assured you. “My parents didn't know about them, all they knew was that you and Obi-Wan hadn't seen them in a while. They thought it would be a nice surprise. My mom wants you to know that had she known she would have never done it.” 

“It's not their fault. Nobody really knows about us. I'm just sorry I ruined their dinner and embarrassed myself.”

“If it helps, my dad said he's proud of you for doing it.” you laughed. It helped a little. You all decided to head inside the dorm. Elaine unlocked the door and let you in. Apparently when they heard what happened Hux and Phasma had ordered a pizza for you guys and took it in the room. You all sat around as you and Matt told them about what happened that night. You told them about the rage you felt inside you. How you couldn't handle everything happening around you at the time. Matt told you about how after you stormed off your grandfather continued to scold them, and yell at them. He told you about how they thought you would be back after you cooled off, and about the panic that happened when 30 minutes passed and you still had not returned. That's when Leia sent Ben and Matt to look for you. Once you left Matt had texted Elaine about it. When you didnt come back he immediately called her and found out she was already on her way to you.

“He wanted to come too. I know seeing him is the last thing you want to do right now though.”

“Thanks. Was my grandfather okay when I left?”

“He was worried, but when i told him you were safe, and Elaine was getting you he eased up. He also continued yelling at your parents.” that sounded like him. They all stayed with you for a bit before deciding to go. Everyone hugged you and told you how happy they were that you were safe. Elaine went to bed almost as soon as they were gone. You sent a text to your grandfather letting him know you were safe, and that you were sorry. You put your phone on its charger and laid out. You were exhausted. You were just about to drift away when you heard your phone vibrate. You looked at the text you had gotten.

‘I'm glad you're safe. Im sorry.’

 It was from Ben.

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Bittersweet events. Part one

A/N. Uhh this is longer than i thought it would be oops. This idea came to me in a dream and i love it so muchhhh. I love Stain hes my baby uughnnn. Enjoy! THANK YOU FOR READING.

He was not sure how he got here really. He had to break in ofcourse . He had locked the only entrance into the tiny depressing room. White walls , white curtains , white bed. The only sound was a heart monitor .

One year ago his life changed forever , like it was thrown out of left field and hit him right in the face. Hero Killer Stain was what he went by, and purging heroes was what he did best. The Pros never caught him , his quirk was to powerful for most . One night , this one particular night everything changed. Villains were out causing terror in the streets, fires were started and were spreading . Cries for help and laughter filled his ears as he watched perched up on a roof top . All these Pros... fakes. These villains killing just to kill... fakes. He wanted to fix this world.

Stain jumped down from his rooftop after observing for awhile , a news van had sped onto the scene as well. He did not bother with most villains who were running around causing a ruckus. The Pros were trying to keep the news crew at a safe distance but they pushed and tried to get the scene on film. One woman had snuck away once she saw the Hero Killer dissapear into the shadows of a alleyway . Stain stopped halfway in when he heard heels clicking towards him , they sounded staggered and offbeat. He turned his head watching the shadow grow larger as she got closer. The woman sounded like she was catching her breath and fumbling with something. She clicked a button and held her arm out speaking with a shaky voice.

“Hero Killer Sssstain!!! Did you start this ?!? This run of crime this city has been faced with recently ? These fires? These deaths?”

He turned , he could not really see her in the dark except for her shadow. He stepped over to her finally being able to see her . A small woman with a blond ponytail and black glasses in a grey business jacket and long skirt. She was holding a voice recorder in her shaky hand. She gazed up at this tall dangerous man , she maybe came up to his chest even if he was hunched over. His bandanna and bandages blew in the wind along with his hair.

“I may have kindled the flame but i did not spread it, these villains, they might have fed off my actions.”

“But.. but!!! They all idolize you !! They want to join you , be like you!”

He hunched down getting almost eye level with her , she was shaking but she did not run . This interested him. “These villains are fakes... these Pros you love are fakes. Wanting fame, money. They should all die” he stepped back but the woman stepped forward.

“ wait!!! I... i want to know more.. “ she retracted her hand fumbling with her jacket pulling a card from her pocket. “If you want to talk more on...way life should be come to this address. Im home most days after 5 o clock.”

My my my...

He swiped the card from her startling her, she had to fix her glasses. Stain held the card up to the light reading it. Suki. Journalist. He memorized her address and shoved the card in his pants pocket fleeing the scene leaving the woman there all shooken up. She pressed the button on her recorder again and letting out a long sigh of relief. “Phew...”

It was a friday night when he showed up at her window staring in till she noticed. Suki nearly jumped in her skin when she saw his silhouette staring at her upside down. Suki ran over opening her window panicking.

“What are you doing?!? Use the door you’ll fall!!!”

“Do you really think they would let me in if i went to the door of this complex?” He asked genuinely curious.

Suki pushed her long hair from her face rubbing her eyes. “Well.. now that you say that.” She backed away and the villain let himself in looking around the room. Nothing fancy it looked like. Just a bed and dresser with a lamp on it. Suki was feeling around the dresser for her glasses, she had heard him come in but she did not say anything. She was a little nervous , was he going to kill her?

“Im here because you wanted to know more about my ways.” He said watching her feel around her dresser. Suki had hit her lamp making it stagger around, she mumbled under her breath trying to steady it. The lamp had suddenly stopped rolling around and Suki heard a heavy slam. The lamp was steady now and she felt him behind her. “Yes.. i just need my glasses.” She was scared now.. he was really close. She felt the heat on her back from him and the clicking of his kives made her skin jump. Stain looked over the long dresser spotting them, he picked them up and dropped them in her shaky hands. Suki gasped putting them on and turning around.

“ uhm thank you.. we can talk in the kitchen..”

Stain looked for the door and Suki lead him to it going to her kitchen. She had a lot of books everywhere , journalist books and newspapers seemed to cover her floor and tables. Stain sat down in the squeaky chair putting his knives on the table so he could sit comfortably. Suki came over sitting down, she pushed some newspapers to the side trying to hide the headlines . He had already seen them though, they were all about him. She placed her recorder on the table in the middle and pressed the button.

“ okay.. uhm.. why . What brought you to this lifestyle?”

“When i was in highschool, i overheard my classmates talking about how they wanted to be heroes for the money. Thats not what a hero is. “

“What is a hero?”

“"Hero is a title reserved for those who perform truly great feats! Too many are undeserving... Just money worshipers playing hero! Until this society wakes up and rectifies itself... I will continue to do my work”

“... the work ?”

“The purge of these fakes.”

Suki did not know what to make of all this information. It was a twisted way of thinking , sure some Pros were money hungry but... but what? She watched him thinking it over. Stain did not have much .. expression in his face . His eyes burned holes into her.

“You.. didint kill me when i found you”

“You didint run”

“... what is youre name?”

“Chizome.”

“I dont have anymore questions right now Ch..Chizome..”

He got up gathering his knives, he also turned the recorder off and leaned over the table staring down at this nervous woman.

“Suki.”

“Y..yyyes?!”

“ will you have more questions at a later date?”

“I uh.. most likely will yes”

“Then ill be back”

Stain went back to her room leaving the same way he came in. And thats how it started. Stain returned for more interviews on his lifestyle, his killings, his outlook of the world. Suki was growing more comfortable around this man , even laughing when they talked. Every interview she began to understand more and more his way of life and his way of seeing the Pros. They got closer too. The interviews would move to the couch and she would even offer him something to drink. She even called him by his name now.

During one interview Stain was talking about purges and how they made him feel nothing for his victims. Suki had placed her hand on his knee . “Chizome, they were wrong in they’re ways. Its okay to not feel some kind of remorse.” He looked down at her little hand then up at her. She was moving closer to him , crawling on the couch. Stain grabbed her arm pulling her ontop of him.

Stain came over regulary after that one night . Spending the night and leaving in the morning , he always came back though . Telling her all about his day full of righting the wrong. This went on for months , the two were very much in love with each other . No one could find out though, for Suki’s safety . The two also had a little surprise on the way as well.

“I hope its a girl. We can name her Shifuku” Suki said full of eagerness.

A child was new to Stain, he did not know what to make of the situation, when Suki told him he just stared at her . “A baby? “ he asked a few times. Suki would giggle and place her hand on her stomach. Eventually, he got use to it . But he was still unsure of what to do. The pregnancy was not easy and Suki faced many complications . The doctors told her that her body could not handle a baby . She did not listen . Stain was growing angry with each visit she made to the doctors . Why arent they helping her? Do they know its his? Why .. arent.. they.. helping her..

The day finally came when Suki’s water broke, she called an ambulamce and Stain followed from the rooftops . He looked in every window till he found her room. He could hear her crying and her struggling . He could not take it anymore and rushed in through the window scaring everyone. He paid the doctor no mind and went right to Suki. She screamed and cried till the baby was finally born. Little cries filled the room and the baby was given to Suki. The doctor had run out of the room and Stain locked the door.

“ oh Chizome its a little girl... i...” Suki was losing her grip on her baby and her knees touched. The heart monitor started to spazz and Stain looked all around the room in a panic. What could he do?!

“Chizome...”

He turned his focus to Suki.

“ can you hold Shifuku .. im a little tired.. im eh.. a little scared if i go to sleep i wont wake up though”

“Suki , youre alright . Everything-“ she grabbed his arm stopping him. “Take care of Shifuku .. i love you both so much.”

“No im not leaving you here! Suki!!”

“I know you wont.. theres a pretty flower field . Im sure youve seen it. In the graveyard.”

“ i have. .. i have. Suki..”

“I love you Chizome.”

“I .. i love you Suki.”

The heart monitor went flat sending a irritating buzz throughout the room. Shifuku was fussing in Stains arms and he was just staring at the body of the woman he loved.

[swampgallows]

i got distracted earlier and forgot to post but im thankful for my mutuals who have helped me time and again, even if it’s in ways you may not know. i appreciate you all so much and i am so grateful for the friends i’ve made here and the small but intimate community cultivated through tumblr. 

zbfc and wch, thank you for everything. @zeyan i love you with all my heart and i’m so fucking thankful i could have funny airbnb time with you and @aeiroki grimlock hunterpunter. you make me laugh every single day and i always want the best for you both (and jack!!! and PARKER!!!)

@lokaror thank you for letting me share my love of rexxar and bears with you. we’ve shared a lot of fantastic laughs together, some very fun stuff and some very deep shit too. i treasure every one of our convos together, and your playlists too!

@reglei thankful i finally got to beat you into submission at blizzcon. youre a sweetheart and a sleepyhead. thanks for listening to me ramble late into the night. i appreciate all the times youve had my back, whether it was creepy dudes or spoilers or w/e. you shoulda killed me w gorehowl when you had the chance

I LOVE @amarysue i miss you when you work long hours but i’m always so happy when we get to play games together. i hope you can leave the mcdonalds playplace soon. also i dont get to say it much but i love talking about academic stuff with you. i know i rib you about dark leafy greens but you are very educated in a lot of amazing fields and i love when you share your knowledge with me!!! i love amary!!!!

@theabsolutevoid i know youre the void but youre a golden human being of radiant light. you are so spectacular, we are all always in amazement of your passion and creativity and constant flow of ideas, and your compassion seems boundless. i am so grateful to know such a special person and spent many late nights laughing to tears with you

@perce the dynamic duo... im thankful daygo got me into ladybug so i could hear all of your amazing takes on it as they are equally as hilarious as your wow takes. i admire your resilience, though that might be weird to say, and though i know i’m an old crone youre definitely a role model for me taking command of my own life and establishing boundaries to become the person i want to be. i’m so grateful we got to spend blizzcon together again!! and thank you for getting me the long-forgotten hippogryph. its a very important memory to me.

refugees i know i dont pop in much but i still love you all dearly. im embarrassed actually because you are all functional adults and i’m not but when i get a job and reenter society i want to be able to come back and say i’m a big kid now

thrainosh squad @irenthel @wckhamm etc thank you for letting me indulge my interests without ridicule or judgment. @fitzefitcher i dunno you changed my life SORRY there is not a less fucked up way to say that. no pressure

@sithisis & crew thank you for so many incredible hots games and wonderful memories and all of your sweetness and fun times!!! sith you have inspired and supported so much of my writing and my ideas and i am in awe that you are getting so many amazing opportunities working in games journalism!!! i know theres a lot of grunt work but at the end of the day it seems like youre really doing something you genuinely love (and are good at!!) and i’m so happy for you. you work hard and you deserve it. im love skitty w a gun 

@steblynkaagain your art is such an inspiration to me, and i’m amazed by your cosplay too! i’m thankful that even across language barriers we can enjoy thraina and silly modern AUs together. i am so impressed by your intelligence and achievements. your comic where you pledge yourself to Thrall’s Horde is still so important to me, and every day i think about your mechanic garrosh..... and doctor drek’thar, and doctor thrall, and SHAMAN GARROSH....... (sob)

@captainkaprozyx and @sdei ... i am so thankful for all of your artwork and your amazing gifts. i am working on getting them framed, and your zine was amazing! you are a great team and I love your collaborations. also sdei’s birthday gift is still my discord icon. we just really love a big guy huh....... cannot express how inspiring your artwork is. the detail, the colors... it brings me to tears, i am so stunned. you are both so incredibly talented!

@omnifariousness bro i dont even know where to start. many good dog times and we can strike up the late night jawin again soon i hope. shit has been scattered and i know youve been dippin back n forth on the road but i hope the shit evens out soon for you. excited for you to see tool in feb and damn dude every DAY i think about the reading you treated me to of the 40k stuff for your reel. god man i want that VA shit to work out for you bad. your diction is impeccable and you so deserve it

@darnjam i know you guys dont read this but i love you so much and every day i’m so thankful we’re all still friends. @daygloow thank you for being like the sole source and catalyst for my personal development for like the last 3 years, im so proud of you and everything youve worked so hard to achieve and i’m so glad youre getting the recognition you deserve. thank you for always picking me up (vehicular and emotional) and for watching cartoons n playin vidya with me. god whens the next GOOD rave? i need to make you proud and actually dj so i can play banana

@bluntcrusher every day i’m like god when will king tori take the throne... im so thankful that youre in a good spot finally and that youre getting the love you deserve. and plus a sweet pucci mane. my blogs a mess but im glad youre still stickin around for it haha. always happy to see youre safe and THRIVING

@swarnpert love you dude thank you for lettin me harass you w 420 snaps. bro when you sent me those sabaton snaps i was in line for the haunted mansion at disneyland during blizzcon and it was just like... my heart was so full, it meant so much to me ALSO HOLY SHIT i love your art please NEVER STOP drawing

@nelfs i love your blog and your art and your FEELINGS like I dunno how to word it in a not-weird way. i think you are a very bright person with a good heart, and i’m thankful to know someone like that, even tangentially. it is fortifying also to see someone stand up for the things they love, whether it’s just a cartoon show or something of serious concern like animal welfare. i admire your healthy relationship to yourself and your strong integrity.

@neophyte-redglare i think about bead world garrosh every fucking day of my life. cannot thank you enough. i treasure it

@redpandalori THIS IS THE MVP RIGHT HERE. i dunno when you started sending me floods of kittums but every day i look forward to it and every single one means so much to me. i wear the kandi you handcrafted for me every single day and i show it off constantly to my friends because it’s just mindblowing. you are so sweet and thoughtful and i love sendin you snaps and it’s just incredible how the internet is. thank you for sending me rain snaps and kito & harley/ears & lilith pics all the time

@hungwy i dunno WHAT you get outta my blog but i’m thankful for the reams of sweet animal pics and interesting linguistic and anthropology posts on your blog. you’re a very positive force on my dash and you seem a wonderful person irl too!

@ubersaur im so happy we’re still mutuals after all this time lmao. you were one of the first aces id ever known so we’ll always have that solidarity and i’ll always be thankful. and i have to seriously catch up on magus bride haha. thank you for all of your love and support after all this time, i hope i offer the same to you!!

@18milliondeadplebs the rare and beautiful nexus of my two sole interests... warcraft and raving. dude just thank you for existing man LMAO i hope we can go ravin together some day

@kontextmaschine what a strange long fuckin trip it’s been dude. super surreal to have raved with you and had you come all the way down for burst but i knew i’d be remiss if youd missed it. you definitely deserved a potent taste of the 90s. thank you for the usb sticks, im still waiting on a worthy recipient for the other two. the majority of your blog is practically in hieroglyphics to me but man when the posts hit... they fuckin hit. i know you dont need me to tell you, but youve got a great talent and weirdass fuckin eye. a very very particular eye. love you man. please kiss badger for me.

@ironbull thank you for suffering in wisdom tooth hell with me. i am glad you had a good time at disney world and im hoping we can both be free of all of our tooth woes soon. thank you also for your advice and support in my personal stuff too!!

@kittensceilidh thank you for your sweet messages! every one of your hugs means a lot to me!!! it is nice to feel seen when i am in dark places.

@dimedog warcraft and foggy forests... hell yeah dude

@tim-official man sometimes it really is as simple as just laughing at the same funny shit, but youve reached out to me too and i appreciate it!!!

@peanotbotter thank you for all of the laughs and the kind words! thank you for caring about me, i care about you too!! i hope we can play hots again or wow together soon!!! 

wow this got long but i love a bunch of people. there are more of you that i love and are very special to me and i apologize if i didnt get to you. i hope you all had a nice holiday, if you celebrated. thank you for believing in me

[breanime]

Heartworm (Part One)

Guess who got her internet baaccccck! This gal! So @songtoyou sent me this request and I IMMEDIATELY started getting ideas. This could be up to or past 5 parts, I don’t even know! It all depends if you guys like it and want more! This is kind of a soft re-imagining of season 2.

Request:  How about instead of Billy going to his stupid psychiatrists place to seek refuge, he goes to the home of a girl who he was in a serious relationship with. Like, this girl is the only person Billy could ever see himself settling down with. However, once he got money, status, and power from Rawlins he pushed her to the side and eventually dropped her from his life. But once she sees the state Billy is in and how sad, scared and alone he is she wants to help him.

Part One is based on Halsey’s Without Me, particularly these lyrics:  

Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me

*gif not mine* (I gotta stop using this gif lol)

You stood frozen in your living room, eyes glued on the TV. The news was saying that Billy, your Billy, was a murderous traitor and a danger to society. You watched as they showed footage of Billy’s apartment up in flames. They said he bombed it himself after killing a handful of Homeland Security agents, they also said that he hired mercenaries for his Anvil staff. The government seized his assets. He shot Curtis in the shoulder. He knew about Frank’s family. He set them up to be killed. Billy. Your Billy.

Except he wasn’t your Billy anymore; he hadn’t been your Billy for three years. You sat down on the couch, legs numb with shock, as you took in what the newscaster was saying about your ex-boyfriend, the only man you’ve ever loved. They flashed a picture of him on the screen. The caption read: “Armed and Dangerous, Do Not Approach”. The newscaster was saying something about Homeland and Frank going after Billy, but it was all starting to sound like white noise to you. Your mind said to get out of town and run until it was all over, but your heart wanted to reminisce, wanted to remind you why you even cared in the first place.

“…and I’m gonna have a Rolls Royce,” Billy said, one arm behind his head and the other wrapped around your waist, “I’m gonna drive it to meetings, rich assholes love a power play.”

You smiled up at Billy, you loved listening to his grand plans for the future. “Are you gonna be a pocket square kind of rich asshole or a ‘Maureen, hold my calls’ kind of rich asshole?”

“Mm,” Billy pulled you closer to his naked chest, “I’m gonna be a pocket square kind of asshole,” he answered, “that’s the best way to run a business.”

“Of course,” you agreed, snuggling up against him, “you’re gonna be a big shot. And I’m gonna have to make an appointment with Maureen just to see you.”

Billy tsked and put a finger on your chin, lifting your face so you were eye-to-eye. “That ain’t never gonna happen,” his dark eyes bore into yours, “I’ll always have time for you.”

You smiled and pressed your lips against his. You felt Billy’s arms tighten around you, lifting you up until you were laying on top of him. You kissed him again, slowly parting your lips, inviting his tongue into your waiting mouth. His eyes were heavy-lidded with lust when you pulled back. You rubbed your nose against his. “I love you.”

His smile made your chest heave with adoration. “I love you too, Y/N.” He kissed you again. “I promise I’m gonna make you proud one day, baby. I’m gonna get us outta this shit hole and out you somewhere nice, where you belong.”

You shrugged. Money and status meant a lot to Billy, meant success, but you were happy enough where you were. Yeah, your apartment was kind of small, and yeah, the heat stopped working every few months, but you’d lived in worst places. Besides, you had Billy. He made you so unbelievably happy; you could have lived in a cave—as long as Billy was with you, you’d be fine. “You know I’m already proud of you,” you told him, “You’ve accomplished so much already.”

“Mm,” Billy kissed the top of your head, “I can do more.” He kissed your nose. “I’m gonna get this security shit together.” He kissed your right eyelid. “I’m gonna get us a place uptown.” He kissed your left eyelid. “And I’m gonna make it so you don’t ever have to work again.” You sighed as he kissed your cheek next. “I ain’t gonna let anyone look down on us anymore.” He kissed your other cheek. “I’m gonna make you so happy, baby.” You felt yourself melt when he finally kissed you on the lips. “I’m gonna take care of us…

…I’m gonna take care of you.”

You turned the TV off, cradling the remote to your chest. You felt your breath getting shallower and casually recognized your erratic heartbeat. You didn’t know what to do. You believed the news—you weren’t sure about the details, but you knew Billy well enough to know that he would do anything for power. You had seen the change that money bought him firsthand, and you didn’t like it at all. You thought about calling Curtis, but you didn’t want to bother him. He was probably up to his neck in cops and paperwork and…Homeland Security, apparently. You wondered how it came to this. Frank was alive. Billy was a wanted man. Curtis was wounded. And you…were alone.

You spent the night on the couch, too numb and confused to get up. You dreamt of Billy and woke up shivering. You got up and made yourself a cup of coffee. Your phone was on the counter, and you frowned as you picked it up. You had missed calls from your mom, your best friend, your boss, and your sister. You had no desire to speak to any of them. You also had a call and voicemail message from an unknown number. Hitting the speaker button, you played the message.

“You’re gonna hear some things on the news.” Billy. “They’re true. I…I did all those things they say I have. By the time you get this message, I’m either gonna be on the run or dead.” It sounded like he took a breath before continuing. “I wanted to see you before I go, but…that’s not gonna happen. So just… Just know that I…” A sigh. “…I think about you all the time. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, a lot of bad choices, done a lot of shitty things, but… I only regret one thing: letting you go. I wish… I should have fought for you more. I should have…” There was some shuffling, and you thought Billy might have put the phone down for a moment. “Listen, they’re gonna say a lot of things about me, and people are gonna try to tell you that I’m heartless and evil, but I want you to remember…You loved me once. You’re the only one I could ever be honest with, the only person in this world who knows who I am. Just… Remember that. And… I’m sorry, Y/N. Goodbye.”

You stood in your kitchen and listened to Billy’s message for at least another 30 minutes. By the time you went back to the couch and turned the TV on, Billy was pronounced near-death and was being kept under constant surveillance at the hospital. Frank Castle was said to be ‘in the wind’ and Anvil was being torn down and all the profits split up. The news interviewed a medical professional about the chances of Billy making any kind of recovery. They predicted he would be dead in six months.

You turned the TV off and wept.

It had been nearly a year since everything went down with Billy. The coverage for Billy’s case had pretty much stopped after a month, and people were onto the next scandal now. Curtis had stopped by your place and told you that Frank left town. The visit had been brief, but he told you what Billy had done—confirming what you’d heard on the news—and said that his orders had come from someone named Rawlins. Rawlins, you understood, was dead. Curtis had word from Frank to tell you that he had been given a new identity by the government and was going to hit the road for a while. When you asked why he’d want you to know that, Curtis had just said: “you needed to know it was over”. You should have felt anger, or pity or sadness but… you felt nothing. You had been operating on auto-pilot, swimming in a thick fog of numbness, since Billy had been arrested. The last thing you could remember feeling, really feeling, was a deep and intense sorrow when you listened to Billy’s message. He had broken your heart, left you, and then revealed himself to be a monster and you…You were just tired.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” Billy’s back was to you. You had barged into his office at Anvil, demanding to see him, but now that you were there… The way he was talking to you was cold and detached. His stance was rigid, his focus was on the recruits below him, not on you. This Billy—CEO Billy—was not what you had signed up for.

“I want you to say you’re sorry,” you said, “I want you to say you care.” Billy didn’t say anything. You clenched your fists. “Look at me, Billy.”

He turned. He was wearing an expensive three-piece suit and his hair was impeccably cut. His eyes, the eyes you loved, the eyes that looked at you with such care and affection, were hollow.

“What happened to you?” You asked, looking him up and down with disgust. “You never come home, you barely spend any time with me—”

“What do you want, Y/N?” He said, irritation clear in his voice. “I’m busy. I’m working. I’m trying to afford the penthouse we live in and the car you drive.”

“I bought my own car,” you reminded him, eyes narrowed as you glared at him, “And I work, too, but I make time for the people I love.”

Billy sighed, rolling his shoulders. “I told you, you don’t have to work.”

You sighed then. He was missing the point. “Billy,” you tried again, “I’m tired of this. I can’t keep being an afterthought for you. I need you.” You tried to look in his eyes, but he avoided your gaze. “I miss you.”

Billy walked over to you and put a hand on your waist. He pulled you towards him and kissed you. “I miss you, too,” his voice was husky as he moved his lips to your neck, “I know I’ve been working a lot lately, but we’re so close…”

You closed your eyes. You wanted to have a conversation, but it was hard to think of words—let alone form any—with his mouth on your skin. “Will you come home tonight?” You asked, breath short and voice heavy with lust.

“Mm hmm,” his hand slid to your ass as he kissed you again, “I’m gonna be all yours tonight.” He licked into your mouth and smiled when you moaned.

You felt his hardness pressing against your front and you deepened the kiss. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” you whispered.

Billy chuckled and released you from his grip. You glared as you watched him walk over to his desk. He pressed a button on his phone and leaned over to speak. “Hold all my calls,” he ordered, smirking over at you, “I don’t want any calls or interruptions for the next hour.” He walked past you and you heard him lock the door behind you. His eyes were gleaming when he turned back to you and he looked like himself, like your Billy, again. His smile made your heart skip a beat. “Take your clothes off, baby. I want to spend some time with you.”

You sat up with a start. It had been months since you’d last dreamt of Billy. You looked around you and cursed under your breath. You had fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder you were off. You hadn’t been able to have a full night’s rest without sleep aids since…since Billy had left that message on your phone. If you didn’t take a pill before you went to bed, you would dream about Billy. You didn’t want to dream about him, you wanted to ignore the ache in your chest and the emptiness in your life and just… Get over it. Get over him. You felt a headache coming on, so you shuffled to the bathroom for a quick shower before bed.

Your mind kept going back to Billy as you got ready for bed; you remembered the strain in his voice in the message he left you, how he used to laugh when you stuck your cold feet on his back, the way he stared down at you as he shifted inside you, driving you wild. You could see his eyes, dark and expressive and so full of love when he looked at you, every time you closed your eyes. You gave up on sleep and went back to the couch, deciding to just spend the night watching horrible night time TV until you could get Billy out of your head.

You were finally getting into the Real Housewives marathon you had been watching when you heard a knock on your door. You glanced at your phone: it was 11 pm. Who the hell would be at your door at this time? You grabbed your phone in case you needed to call the police and stood on your tip-toes to look into the peephole. Your mouth fell open at the same time your phone hit the floor with a dull thump.

Billy Russo was standing in the hallway of your apartment. And he was covered in blood.

*************************************************************************************

I have the next two parts locked and loaded! Pleaaase comment and let me know if you want the rest. The more feedback I get, the more I update! Thanks for reading, and may Billian be with you.

BTW, I got the title from this “emotion that’s hard to describe word”:  Heartworm: a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

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[popatochisssp]

So your recent chapter in snips and snails has had me thinking. How would other skellies react if their bro started falling for their SO? Would they all be up for polyamory or would some tell their bro to get over it, or they break up with SO as to push them toward their brother. This information is important for my daydreaming

Anonymous: Heyo! Are you doing hc’s right now? If so, what are your ideas for a polyamorous relationship with sans/so/papyrus? I know you mentioned it with FGTC, but how would the other boys do? Thank you and ilysm!!             

Well, the short version of these questions seems to be– “Can I make it work if I want to smooch both brothers?”

And the answer to that question as far as I’m concerned is yes! Ultimately, all skeles would be down for this kind of relationship!

…But some of them are going to have an easier road than others.

Yes, it’s the ‘fells that are on the Struggle Bus, of course it is, those boys have issues.

Undertale:

They’re a great combo!

They already know each other so well and love/respect one another that looping you into their relationship as a romantic branch is the easiest thing in the world.

They both balance the other out really well, to the point that dating them both might even make for a more harmonious relationship than choosing just one: Papyrus won’t shy away from lecturing Sans when his laziness may be letting you down, and Sans knows how to gently point out when Papyrus might be unintentionally talking over you or pushing too hard at something.

There’s no jealousy between them and you’re all grown, mature adults more than capable of navigating a three-person relationship.

Underswap:

Another great choice!

Much like the classic Sans-Papyrus pair, the Sky-Paps match-up isn’t just functional, it’s hyper-functional.

Their brotherly relationship is strong and they’re great at meeting and handling situations as a team, and you’re no different. Most of your time with them will be spent as a trio rather than duos with an odd man out since that’s what they do anyway– you’re just along for the ride! When one-on-one time does come around, they’ll pass you off to the other without hesitation, no jealousy to be found and just a nuzzle on your cheek and an encouragement to have fun.

Even the usually clingy Sky doesn’t mind giving you and Paps space when you want it since there’s no one he trusts and loves more than his (big) little brother, and Paps might actually feel a little more driven to impress and woo you when he sees the lengths Sky regularly goes to. Maybe he can’t one-up his big brother’s efforts, but it reminds him that you’re special and deserving of the attention and he’ll show you so in his own, more understated way.

They balance each other out in so many ways that it won’t ever feel like you’re trying to juggle them to make things work. As long as you love them, they’ll love you right back and your relationship is practically self-sustaining!

Underfell:

You must not be shy of challenges, because you’ve gotten yourself into some rocky waters with this one.

They’ll both agree to this pretty quickly without much fuss– sharing a datemate with their brother, the only person who always had their back underground and would die for them, and vice versa? Of course, there’s no one they’d rather trust you with than their own brother!

They say that, and for the most part they do mean it, but… there are some very well-buried landmines here and you will find at least one of them in the course of this relationship.

For Jasper, it’s bitterness: here’s yet another thing in his life that he’s giving up for his brother’s sake. It’s not Pyre he resents but the situation and how exceedingly unfair the circumstances of his life have been so far. He lost his childhood to raising and protecting Pyre while he was young, and then he had to play his toady and listen to barked orders and snapped insults so Pyre could maintain a fearsome reputation and neither of them would get too severely messed with. And then now here’s this, a datemate he can’t even keep all to himself because you love his baby brother, too. It stings, but he’ll try to quash it down since he loves you and Pyre too deeply to ever want to cause problems for you.

Meanwhile Pyre is masking his own issues, namely jealous insecurity. He loves Jasper, too, and he deeply respects the sacrifices his big brother made for him Underground both in adolescence and adulthood, but…well, it’s not as if he had it easy! Jasper’s initially low HP meant that no matter how strong a fighter he was, there’d always be somebody who saw him as easy EXP, somebody trying to kill them both because they could– that was why he worked his way up to Captain of the Royal Guard and trained so hard to become an efficient, deadly soldier, so that he could be intimidating enough that most monsters wouldn’t even want to try attacking him or somebody under his command. That’s why he had to distance himself from everyone else, even the brother he was trying to protect, just in case someone tried to take advantage of a social connection. He was completely emotionally isolated for a long time, with a lot weighing on his shoulders: his duties, his brother’s safety, his own safety, and Jasper…

Jasper didn’t have to shoulder any of that once Pyre took responsibility.

Pyre knows, intellectually, that Jasper suffered at least as bad for a long time, but emotionally it hurt and made Pyre a little angry to see him socializing freely with the lowlifes at Grillby’s and sleeping openly at his illegal hot-dog stands. Jasper couldn’t have been totally carefree, no one could be underground, but he had the luxury of being very close to it thanks to Pyre’s status, which Pyre maintained at his own expense. And now, it feels like Jasper is taking advantage of him again, casually charming his way into your good graces and seducing you away from him.

He’s fairly certain he’s going to lose you, actually, since he knows that his older brother is the more personable of the two of them and he hates the waiting, he kinda wants to just end it himself and let Jasper have you…

But, same as Jasper, Pyre loves both of you dearly and he knows that abruptly breaking up with you would hurt you, and that Jasper would figure out why he did it and be even more hurt plus guilty over it, so he bites his tongue.

They’re both going to stew in silence over it and are fully committed to doing so for the rest of your natural lives– you’re going to have to mediate this if you want to have any hope of a healthy relationship.

It won’t be too hard to figure out what’s going on with them individually, they’re both very salty skeletons that can mostly keep quiet about the things bugging them, but there’s a lot of snide and bitter quips muttered under their breath that you’re usually close enough to hear and draw conclusions from. At that point, you need to sit down with them and force a discussion; play whatever hard-ball you must to get them to talk, this is too important to sweep under the rug just because it’s awkward and painful.

They’ll be stilted at first and need a lot of prodding to keep going, embarrassed that their datemate is playing counselor for them, but soon enough they’ll start talking on their own. Yelling on their own. Screaming at each other and breaking shit on their own.

They’ve been repressing a lot of emotions for a long time and now that they’re flowing it’s like a tsunami, one you should probably get out of the splash zone of while they get it all out.

You don’t have to worry about them actually hurting each other, there’s far too much love between them for that and once the anger and bitterness is out there in the open, they realize that, too. There’s gonna be tears and broken sobs and fierce hugging and that’s your cue to get back on in there and take care of your boys– they love each other, they love you, and you love them right back, it doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.

Once the dust is settled, you’re theirs for life, no take-backs. You came into their home, showed them love and affection, and helped them get their brother back after years of tension and walking on eggshells: if you think they’re ever going to let you go now, you’re dead-wrong.

There’s going to be days when you almost regret emotionally reconciling them because when they’re not bickering over petty nonsense or competing with each other, they are the most terrifyingly efficient team you’ve ever seen. They’ll casually join forces against you whenever it suits them and you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell. They love and respect you of course, they’d never hurt or take advantage of you, but the combined force of Jasper’s rough charm and Pyre’s slick cunning means that you’re not often going to find yourself ‘winning’ in your relationship.

On the bright side, your romantic life is positively scorching between these two fiery personalities and the loving passion they have for you is more than enough of a balm on any wounds you might take to your pride. ;3

Swapfell:

Deceptively easy.

At first, they’re both very excited and on-board for this. As far as they’re concerned, there’s no one better in the world to share their datemate with than their own brother, someone trustworthy that they love unconditionally and don’t have to worry about losing you to, since they obviously wouldn’t try to steal you from each other.

And that’s true, because if there’s a problem it won’t be something they did, it’ll be what you did. Or maybe more accurately, what you didn’t do.

There’s really only one way to screw this up, but it’s a hard and fast death sentence for the relationship if you start neglecting Rus or playing favorites with Mal instead.

Rus is a needy guy, not too prone to jealousy but very prone to insecurity when the conditions are right, and Mal is one of the hardest (albeit unintentional) hitter of those buttons. His big brother, the one who’s taken care of him his whole life, protected him and sacrificed for him, Rus thinks Mal is a really cool guy. He’s not surprised at all that you want to date him, but he is surprised that you want to date Mal’s living disaster of a brother, too.

If you’re not careful and spend too much time with Mal or side with him all the time or do anything that could indicate you have a significant preference for one brother over the other, Rus is probably gonna jump to some conclusions and now it makes sense to him why you’re not just dating his brother– it’s ‘cause it’s a pity thing…isn’t it?

Mal is the one you really want  but you or Mal or maybe both of you noticed his pathetic interest in you and decided to toss him a bone. To make him feel better. Yaaaay.

His aversion to conflict means that he’s definitely never going to say anything to either of you, ever, but his 'realization’ (whether it’s true or not, almost certainly not) is painful and he won’t be able to help sulking and shying away from your affection for awhile.

That, for Mal, is as good as an actual, physical red flag. He’s sharp and knows his brother well enough to piece together everything that’s happened in Rus’ self-deprecating skull and as far as he’s concerned, there’s only one course of action from here: he’s gonna try to wriggle himself out of the relationship entirely and push you towards Rus.

Mal loves his baby brother fiercely and since he already blames his failings as a pseudo-parent for the anxiety and insecurity he struggles with, the absolute last thing he wants to do is hurt him by taking his datemate away. It’s a no-brainer to remove himself from the situation if he’s distracting you from Rus, but once it’s progressed to this point, there’s no positive outcome for anyone.

Rus is now convinced he’s the pity-boyfriend and feels awful that you don’t get to be with Mal anymore because he couldn’t hide his dumb feelings better. Mal is upset that he can’t be with you, and a little upset with you for not loving his little brother enough to begin with and making this choice necessary. And of course, you’re gonna be hurting, too, because one of your boyfriends thinks he’s your consolation prize and the other isn’t even your boyfriend anymore.

But of course, that’s the Worst Case Scenario.

To make this work, you just need to be fair about sharing your time and affection, which in healthy polyamory, you should probably already be doing! But if for some reason, you can’t do that, skew slightly in Rus’ favor. Mal can be jealous and selfish but he’s more than willing to make room for his brother’s happiness, and he knows that he’s welcome to edge into yours and Rus’ time together if he really wants– Rus has no problems sharing, he just gets a little upset if he thinks he’s the second choice.

If you put in the time and effort to assure Rus that you’re dating him because you care about him, this actually becomes one of the easiest bro-combos possible. Mal and Rus have a less contentious relationship than the other ‘fell brothers and with less buried anger and bitterness between them their bond is already strong and relatively healthy when you enter the mix.

Your integration is like finding the perfect centerpiece to tie an already-stylish room together. Mal plans all the dates and budgets your time between them in the most efficient way possible, while Rus makes sure you and him still get some time to relax and screw around at home. They work very well together as brothers and as your co-boyfriends with about equal importance placed on each role, so you’ll feel nothing but cherished and wanted between the two of them. Make sure to return the favor!

Horrortale:

Yes, a fantastic idea!

They’re both delighted that you asked and agree to share you pretty much immediately, without even a little fuss.

Slate and Papy are arguably the most codependent of the brothers (understandably, considering their shared trauma of the famine) and they’re also probably the most emotionally open with one another as a result, so if a poly relationship seems like it’s becoming a possibility with you, they’re going to get everything talked out and openly agreed upon for a very smooth transition.

It’s actually…kind of an ideal situation for both of them, in a way? Their issues and insecurities are…well, there’s a good deal of them and they’re both a tad concerned that the weight of it might be too much for you alone. They don’t want to overwhelm you or put too much pressure on you just because they’re a little… ‘broken’ is the wrong word for it, but they’re far from undamaged, either!

But with the other brother in the mix, the same one who’s always been there to support his sibling even before you came along, so much of that pressure is taken off.

Slate doesn’t worry that you’re going to suffer from his dissociation and memory problems because he knows Papy is there with his sharp mind and attention to detail to pick up the slack. Likewise, Papy doesn’t worry quite so much on his bad days that you’re secretly unhappy or would be better off without him because Slate is around, who even with a hole in his skull is naturally charming and very skilled at reading people– if you had any complaints, Slate would know and pass them along so they could make you as content as possible!

The end result is that they both relax and don’t psych themselves out quite as much as they might without their brother, and you get to see them as close to their old, pre-horror selves as they can get. Papy is a little more confident and Slate jokes around more and they both treat you like you make the sun rise every morning because you’re the one that loves them both enough to let this relationship be a thing they can have and that’s so cool.

There’s not a drop of jealousy over you from either of them, especially when they can see first-hand that you’re making their brother as happy as you make them, so this is a pretty harmonious and loving match-up, with a lot of potential for success!

[dauntless-dragayn]

liveblogging She ra s3 reactions part 2

time for pain babay!

[ part one ┊ part two ]

episode 4

Oh Boy i can already feel the tonal shift

“The Moment of Truth” WHAT a title

Hordak youre assuming your general will give a fuck

CATRAS BACK

Entrapta: “Ooh you have a wip now?” THE ENTIRE FANDOM WHEN CLIPS WERE DROPPED

this isnt related to anything but Angela’s wings are so pretty 🤩

Oh shit Glimmer just called her out big time

The mural in the background of this scene is pretty

Adora needs a chance to fuck Hordak up and not just rant at him That was satisfying tho Her angry voice / growl, yunno?

no dont go to SHADOWBITCH for help

Why is she lounging in her ‘prison’ wtf

“Let me out.” Ive never heard of a WORSE idea

Uh oh Shadowbitch knows exactly how to appeal to Glimmer

NO

Tag yourself im Bow shaking his head in the background

Oh finally Entrapta finds out the truth, this has bothered me for a while

“Catra was my friend too, but she makes bad decisions!” okay honestly this is a little too relatable - having to watch your friends fuck up their own life because they wont listen to you or reason

YEAHH PRINCESS SQUAD

Mermista telling Shadowbitch to shut the fuck up is iconic

Angela flying through the hallways :0

Fuck im worried about this I dont trust Shadowbitch

Wait “her”? Froggo person is a her? Aiight

I see the Princesses are now occupied and wont be in the way during thematically relevant scenes

CATRA 

BOW!! NO DONT LEAVE HIM BEHIND

i dont like.. Glimmer and Shadowbitch working together but I must admit theyre a force to be reckoned with

I do feel bad for Catra tho The last thing she needs is more lies from Shadowbitch

This connection is hurting Glimmer!! >:U

CATRA SHOVING SCORPIA ASIDE JFC

Catra unhinging, thats what we’re watching

The significance of Catra using a taser rn is that thats what she uses to tase Adora when she first defects

So i guess that Catastrophic Event just happened huh

episode 5

wh.. what

HUH?

bitch you did not dream that shit things are NOT perfect

But at the same time its.. so nice to see Catra and Adora getting along

Their flirting .. 💕

“Do you have a concussion or something?” or something..

 Lonnie’s voice is so cute ive forgotten omg

“I cant believe you like me, thats so embarrassing for you!” AHH SKDNFJ CUTE

This is like. Fanfic material

Too good to be true tho and also too terrible bc Adora is still trapped in the Horde

Does Regelio just never talk I love them

Shadowbitch treating Catra well? Them not hating each other??? Fake news 

“Everything is perfect.” Theres that phrase again

IS THIS FORCE CAPTAIN ORIENTATION

“I do not. Like you.” AT LEAST SCORPIA IS HONEST

“And what kind of name is Adora anyway?” KEHFJFJ IM PRETTY SURE THATS THE FIRST IN-SHOW ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF IT

Who tf is this lizard person with hair in the background

Adora is remembering shit!

this would be so scary i feel rlly bad for Adora

Dissociation be like-

“Everything’s perfect.” STOP SAYING THAT

“Everything will be perfect as long as we stay together.” :(((

This is INSANE

“Its like time and space arent working right” you dont say..

Why is Scorpia the only other person to act like they remember? Besides Catra in that one moment ,,?

“Just go with it okay?” Yeah like thats what youve been doing..

Gonna reiterate: this is insane!

Hahaha Adora and Catra are alone in a closet kiss- Sorry this is all just So Much i needed to break the tension

ADORA JUST TASERED CATRA I- I mean Payback i suppose

She took her with her to the woods aw

“As much as I wish things could be the way they used to be, we can’t go back!” hey im Feeling things

“Dont you get it? Im NEVER going with you!”

FUCK 

softly but with lots of emotion: fuck

Why does this old witch lady function in the au

“This happened before with Mara!” o- oh.

Im so confused

This is intense as all fuck “Bow and Glimmer! I need to find them!” love will save the world

CATRA IS ALIVE?! Catra is.. oh god. Oh what the fuck

episode 6

Oh Glimmer and her mom getting along.. havent seen that in a while

OH HE GLIMMER’S DAD IS ALIVE IN THIS WORLD?? OHHHHH

Bow is.. scholarly

Well at least theyre still friends

“Woah you look different than your mural..” lol

Where do I recognize Micah’s voice from??

EKDHFJ THEY STILL DONT HAVE A PRISON IN THIS AU

Glimmer’s outfit is a little different and I dont like it

Adora talking up her friends to prove she knows them is everything

BOW GRABS HIS SHIRT WHEN HE SAYS “THIS ISNT RIGHT”

okay Angela looks fierce as fuck here

How.. lucky that they just warped to Entrapta’s side

Trapped between realities.. uh oh

Whos gonna die in the portal

“That portal is centered on you!” FUCK?

MARA IN THE FLESH KINDA

ADORA CANT SACriFICE HERSELF BITCH

her friends monologuing about her- BEFORE THEY DISAPPEAR I- //WIPES TEAR

i was LITERALLY about to say ‘where’s Catra. this is the perfect time for her to show up.’ Lol. I was right!

HEY ADORA demon version 😬

Catra this is all YOUR fault fuckin hoe

All their past battle spots..

THIS IS INSANE

“I didnt break the world. But I am gonna fix it. You made your choice. Now live with it!” i have. no words

watching Catra disappear still hurt me .

.. ANGELA! Wait Wait Angela No

She cant go

Glimmer would be an orphan

“And now I chose to be brave. Take care of each other.” Im not crying you are Im not crying Adora is I am

That glare at Catra, holy shit

Glimmer didnt even get to say goodbye to her mother. Their last talk was a fight.

Bow pickin up Glimmer!

im gonna cry AGAIN

//whispering/ does that mean Glimmer is queen?

Oh fuck Big Baddie found Etheria

FUCK!

FUCK ME UP.

I was not prepared for this at all

anyway UH. if any of yall wanna yell with me feel free to respond or send an ask or a message or whatever. lets suffer together