#listen to disabled people

[cy-cyborg]

Limb difference vs amputee

I've been seeing a rise in people using the term limb difference and also rise in (what I think are well meaning) folks shouting "Amputee is not a dirty word, stop talking over disabled people, just say amputee" and while I love the energy, that's not what's going on here lol.

Amputee refers to anyone who has lost a limb or was born without one/multiple of their limbs.

Limb difference is a broader umbrella term to refer to anyone with a physical disability the effects the person's limbs specifically, usually (but not always) in ways that are visible to others to some degree. It can refer to amputees, but also people with single-limb paralysis, people who's limbs didn't develop properly (even if it's not severe enough to be considered an amputation) and more!

All amputees have a type of limb difference, but not everyone with a limb difference is an amputee.

As far as I'm aware, the term actually started in congenital amputee circles (people who were born without a limb) because they felt the word amputee didn't really fit them properly. amputee implies they had the limb but it was removed, but they never had it to begin with. It eventually spread to become an umbrella term, but it was created by and for disabled people.

I do understand some people's hesitation with the word, it does sound kind of similar to "differently abled" but I promise, it's not.

[settlercolonialismisbad]

Change your brain to stop reaching for ableist language to describe your world

D*mb, st*pid, cr*zy, ins*ne, and many many more ableist words and phrases still dot our daily conversation landscape. This Disability Pride Month, show you’re listening by doing the work to use language that doesn’t perpetuate ableist culture.

This is a non-exhaustive curated list of terms and suggestions for replacing them in your vocabulary, as well as accompanying notes.

[scribefindegil]

When you encounter a person who does not do something that you consider normative, you need to understand that they could be either stating a barrier or expressing a boundary. A barrier is "I would like to partake of the normative activity, but I can't due to other factors." A boundary is "I have made a decision not to participate in the normative activity."

Many people do not believe that boundaries actually exist! This is why it's so common to give a clear "No" on an issue and get inundated with people saying "But have you tried-" They can't conceptualize that anyone might actually want to avoid X thing, so they assume that you totally want to do X and you would love X so much if only they could figure out a way around whatever pesky obstacle is getting in your way. But humanity contains multitudes, and for any given experience you consider vital for happiness I promise there are people who are Just Not Interested.

If someone is stating a boundary, do NOT talk about how sad their life must be, and do NOT try to push them! Just accept that their life experience is very different from your own, and isn't that a beautiful thing?

Barriers are different. Barriers suck. With boundaries, the only problem is other people being dicks. With barriers, the problem is the barrier itself . . . and probably, additionally, people being dicks. There's really not a way to win in the people being dicks department when you don't do something that other people have decided is Necessary For Humaning.

If someone is talking about a barrier they face, still don't talk about how sad their life must be, although it's fine to commiserate with a friend if they're complaining. It's hard! Some barriers are pretty insurmountable; the person might not ever get to do X even though they want to. And a lot of people don't believe that this kind of barrier exists either; we're very much taught that you can do anything if you try hard enough, when that is simply not true. If someone tells you that they can't do something, listen to them and respect that.

The only reason for not doing X that people really acknowledge as real are the surmountable barriers. And these are real, but even in these cases you should always assume that the person knows themself best and not give advice unless they've specifically asked for it. But if they have asked, it's chill to try to brainstorm solutions with them.

As someone who has both things going on, it really sucks that people tend to assume that everything is a) a barrier issue and b) that they personally have the solution to it. Don't do this.

The only way you can tell if something is a boundary or a barrier is to listen to people and believe them.

Example:

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "No thanks . . . I haven't really found anything that I like yet," (barrier, potentially surmountable) it is probably cool to ask them if they're open to trying something new, and if they say yes ask about their tastes to try to find a drink they would enjoy! They might like it or they might not.

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I can't, it interacts with my meds," (barrier, insurmountable) you can say, "Aw, that sucks!" and offer them something nonalcoholic.

If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I don't drink," (BOUNDARY) you should give them a mocktail and shut the fuck up.

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[consider-your-potatoes-mashed]

Why the fuck is it so hard for able bodied people to get their heads around the fact that specifically physically disabled people are not actually accommodated most of the time?

Whether it be the inaccessibility of a building due to stairs, heavy non auto doors, ramps that are too steep, broken elevators or just non existent elevators, etc the list goes on and on. Or now public spaces that let’s say are otherwise perfectly accessible are now inaccessible to so many people because so many people refuse to wear a fucking mask when it would cause then no harm (maybe just a bit of sweat) to wear one.

The fact that abled people don’t see just how fucked up and inaccessible the world is blows my fucking mind. Just because someone “can” do something or go somewhere doesn’t mean they should have to do that or that it’s safe for them to do so. Like sure I can do stairs but holy shit by the time I’m at the top I’m in so much pain and I feel like I’m gonna pass the fuck out man.

Bottom line, the world is really fucking inaccessible and that needs to be fixed. Physically disabled people’s voices need to be listened to and not talked over by ableds who think they know what’s best for us or who think the world is perfect as it is

[eriklehnsherrific]

in case you need to hear this

workout because its good for your heart, lungs, releases endorphins, and you want to get stronger. not because it’ll make you skinny or make your body look a certain way.

wear sunscreen every day in order to protect yourself from easily preventable and deadly skin cancer, not with the goal of preventing aging (there is nothing wrong with aging or wrinkles; it is a natural part of life and reflection of the life you live).

eat more vegetables because you need the fiber to make you more regular, they help lower your risk of eye and digestive problems, and they help in nutrient re-uptake. not because eating only carbs is “bad” for you. you need a combination of carbs, fruit/veg, protein, fiber, fat, etc for a full balanced diet. 

cut out dairy from your diet if it makes you shit your brains out every single time without fail, not because it will “make you fat”.

drink more water because, despite how annoying it is to be told “just drink water”, it does actually make you feel better if you’re anxious or your head hurts or you don’t have any energy. not because it’ll “flush out your immune system uwu” or it will make your skin clear.

drink green tea because its delicious, not because it’s a “natural detox”. ( “detoxes” aren’t real. your kidneys detoxify your blood for you)

not everything “natural” is automatically healthy for you. not everything “unnatural” is automatically unhealthy/dangerous

cutting out whole food groups and labeling them as “bad for you” in any form is restrictive. if you aren’t allergic to gluten, you don’t need to cut gluten from your diet in order to be healthy. if you were not specifically instructed by a doctor to go keto in order to aid treatment for a disease (such as cancer or epilepsy), you do not and should not go keto. 

do “healthy” things because you deserve to live a long, healthy life. yes, you. your weight doesn’t matter and it has never mattered. you deserve to keep yourself safe. 

[liminalweirdo]

[swordsonnet]

lately, i've seen more people in the online autistic community acknowledging the struggles of people with higher support needs, which is of course an important development. but for some, that seems to come with the implicit assumption that low needs autistics "have it easy" or experience no stigma at all, which is just wrong??? people with low support needs are still disabled by their autism and still face discrimination because of it. sure, they are impaired to a lesser degree than those with higher support needs, but that doesn't mean you can just erase their struggles, y'know?

[muzzlemouths]

not to sound desperate on main but since it's disability pride month it'd be really nice to see some art or fics with disabled Y/Ns.

[settlercolonialismisbad]

y’know, posts that have alt text and video transcripts/captions are 1000% more likely to be shared when they come across my dashboard.

*finger guns*

[ursie]

Ok just saw a tweet that said Ashton deserves their chronic pain (among other ableist ones) for upsetting Fearne and being “selfish” so new rule if you’re not PHYSICALLY DISABLED you no longer get to talk about Ashton unless you personally pay every cripple you know five dollars-if you don’t know any cripples? Never speak again. I’m not joking I’m taking him away from y’all until you learn to behave.

[uncanny-tranny]

I'm still thinking about how ashamed I was (and am) with being open about my pain because I am so young. It's so hard to feel worthy of having your pain taken seriously when the people around you insist that young bodies are always in pristine, untouched condition and that you must earn your pain through aging. Never is it considered that young people aren't lying or being a hypochondriac for expressing their pain.

Young people can be in life-altering pain. Young people can have debilitating pain. It doesn't matter what age it happens because pain doesn't discriminate. Complaining about pain and doing things to prevent needless pain aren't something you have to "earn" through aging.

If you want young people to be in less or lesser pain, then encourage them to do whatever they can to minimize it. Don't downplay what they're experiencing. Not everything is a lie, not every experience that is different than yours is exaggeration or deceit.

[wxrmeaterz]

Something I need abled people to understand (ESPECIALLY able-bodied people)

We are not "erasing" you or "forgetting" you if we say something is for disabled people.

For example and to help me explain:

When we explain that a feature is for accessibility to folks who are physically disabled and may use mobility aids, I don't need to hear about how unhelpful YOU think it is

You never need to go: "Oh but it's also (this)! Don't forget (this)!"

We will never forget you or erase you because you are everwhere. We are too, but unlike a disabled person, you are automatically seen, heard, and taken into account.

So next time a disabled person says "oh this is for disabled people"... Just shut up please.

[talkethtothehandeth]

To the people who think that doctors will start treating you better if your symptoms get worse and you get sicker:

They won’t, hope that helps ❤️

[iamnotafishokay]

if one more person tells me to stretch or go on a walk as if its some amazing cure for pain i will scream

like bro its not a cramp im disabled

[rebellum]

I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.

Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.

Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.