#listen to the lyrics and just try to tell me that I’m wrong

[turtleblogatlast]

I’m gonna cause many people some psychic damage by saying that the beginning song of Chicken Little, called One Little Slip, is an entirely accurate representation of the Rise movie.

[alwaysonthemend]

Author's Note: Inspired by this wonderful post. Thank you so much @tripthelightfandomtastic for some incredibly sexy dialogue and @edgingthedarkness for calling it to my attention 🤭

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. Jake x fem!reader / rough sex / sir kink / unprotected p in v sex / digital penetration / oral / brief overstimulation / use of gag / some name calling (brat, slut) / minor cock warming at the end / begging / possessiveness (nothing too major) / please let me know if I missed anything.

Apologies for any typos/ spelling mistakes.

Enjoy <3

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I think I need to sleep for at least 12 hours tonight.” Jake tells his twin, patting his pockets for his wallet to pay the bill. “I’m exhausted.” 

“Oh is that why you were being so pissy today?” Josh’s grin is smug as he finds his own wallet first and fishes his card out and tosses it onto the waiting bill before Jake can. “Makes sense.”

Jake’s eyes narrow and you fight a tiny smile, trying not to let your amusement show. Jake can be a little moody when he’s tired. And just… in general. 

“I’m the pissy one?” Jake counters, flicking Josh’s card off the bill and placing his own there instead. “I seem to be remembering things a little differently.” 

Jake’s tone is snarky – just a tiny bit more accusing than Josh’s had been. You already know that Jake had a… rough day today. He’d told you about it in the car – Josh had been demanding retake after retake and Sam had quote on quote, “disagreed with every fucking thing I said just for the hell of it.” In all honesty, knowing the Kiszkas, it had probably been all three of them being more difficult than necessary while Danny had to play mediator… Not that you’d said that to Jake. God, no. You’d only listened, allowing him to vent; nodded and frowned at the right moments. Clearly, tonight’s meal and a few drinks with Josh had done little to help Jake’s temper. 

Josh opens his mouth to retort but you interrupt. “I’m going to run to the restroom.” Both sets of matching eyes flash to you as you speak. Josh grins and Jake nods, sliding out of the booth to allow you to exit.  

In addition to his sour mood, Jake has been jittery the whole night. You’d noticed from the moment the two of you stepped into the bar that he had other things on his mind – whether it was a new song or riff or lyrics you couldn’t quite tell. But he was distracted. You know already how common it is that he grows restless, as if there’s so much energy buzzing beneath his skin that he’s hardly able to stand still. At first, it had almost been hard to be around when he got like this. His restlessness so palpable you could practically feel it coating your skin. At first, you would simply move to another room, allow him to sort himself out on his own. But after a little while, it became easier to tune him out – to still navigate around him when he gets like this. His aura has gravity of its own, you’ve come to discover. It’s hard to be apart from him for too long. 

He’ll deny it if you ask him if something is wrong. He’ll say he’s fine – that he’s not upset about today anymore and that he’s acting perfectly normal. So you don’t bother asking. Instead, you simply allow his energy to wash over you as you watch him interact with his twin at the booth. 

By the time you return, they seem to have momentarily put their little dispute on hold as they both turn to look at you as you approach the booth. 

“Are you ready, love?” Jake’s voice is smooth – neutral. Betraying nothing of the chaos that you know lies within. “We paid the bill while you were gone.” 

“Halfsies.” Josh supplies and Jake’s eyes cut to him for a moment before landing back on you. You nod, smiling at the two of them as they exit the booth in almost complete unison, each twin now holding himself in the exact same manner as the other as they prepare to leave. “It was nice actually getting to see you.” Josh continues as the three of you walk through the restaurant and to the door. “Jake always keeps you to himself when we’re home.”

Josh is teasing; you can tell by the slight dimple that has appeared on his left cheek as he speaks. But Jake tenses ever so slightly beside his twin as you all come to a stop on the sidewalk outside. The night air is warm – humid enough that it makes your skin feel sticky. The joys of a Tennessee summer. 

“He can be just a little selfish, I suppose.” You answer back, thinking nothing of it. But again, that energy around Jake seems to increase, his chocolate eyes flashing in the light spilling out into the air from inside the bar. 

“Am I not allowed to miss her when we leave?” Jake queries, slipping a heavy arm around your waist in such a way that it almost feels possessive. “Plus, I’m always stuck with you.” He says to his twin, grinning a little. “Who would blame me for wanting her to myself when we are home?”

Josh’s brow raises, a knowing glance shot towards you before he regards his twin. He senses Jake’s energy – the restlessness; senses that he could easily poke the bear and start a senseless argument that would no doubt descend into an actual fight. But he holds himself back, metaphorically biting his tongue as he gives Jake a little grin. 

“Can’t blame you at all, brother. Not at all.” His grin turns a little wicked. “But maybe you should share her more often – she was my friend first, afterall.”

So perhaps he hadn’t decided against poking the bear afterall. You fight the smile that threatens to overtake you, realizing that now might not be the time to pick sides by agreeing with Josh. He had been the one to know you first. He’d been the one to introduce you to Jake, even. But Jake needs no reminder of that little fact right now. 

“I see you plenty.” You offer, feeling the pointed squeeze of Jake’s fingers into your hip, “Plus, you constantly blow my phone up with texts. We talk plenty, Joshua.” 

Josh grins and shrugs his shoulders, looking pleased anyway. 

“Great seeing you.” Jake offers. “But I’m sick of you already.” 

Josh laughs, completely unaffected by his brother’s words. He’s used to it. He knows deep down Jake doesn’t mean them… too much.  

“Love you too, Jakey.” Josh grins at you – the exact same grin that Jake gave him just a moment ago. “Lovely to see you as always, Y/n. Hopefully someone lets me see you again before we leave.”

“I hope so, too.” You answer him, laughing just a little despite your best efforts.

Josh gives a theatrical sweeping bow before turning on his heel and disappearing to his Jeep, laughing the whole way. Jake scowls and tugs you away towards his own vehicle, that heavy arm still pointedly around your waist. 

He opens your door for you, a soft “Princess” leaving his lips as he dips his head a little. You grin and climb into the car and he closes the door behind you. 

Jake playing guitar is sinful. But Jake behind the wheel of a car? It’s downright indecent – something that no matter how many times you see it, it still gets you just a little. The thick muscles of his forearm twitch and move beneath his newly tan skin (thank you Europe tour) and the clench of his jaw as he watches the road has you clenching your thighs. To your credit, you only stare a little bit as he drives the two of you back to his house (His house, not yours. Something that once again feels pointed.) Neither of you speak much, the silence between the two of you just as comfortable as idle chit chat. Fleet Foxes flow softly from the speakers, filling the air between the two of you that seems to grow thicker and thicker with each passing moment. 

“See something you like?” 

You startle, eyes cutting up to see the curve of Jake’s lips as he continues staring out at the road ahead. Apparently you had been staring too much – enough for him to notice, anyway. Cheeks flushing, you shake your head in denial. 

“Just thinking.” 

His brow raises and it does nothing to quell the heat pooling in your lower belly.  “About?” He urges you on, tilting his head as if to hear you better.  You open your mouth to give a bullshit answer but he interrupts. “And don’t say work or the weather. I already know what you’re thinking.” Your jaw snaps shut. The fucker.  

“If you know, then why did you ask?” Your tone comes out a little brattier than you meant it to and Jake’s fingers tighten on the wheel. Seems that Josh isn’t the only one who’s going to poke the bear tonight. 

“Because I wanted to hear you say it.”

“Say what?”

A sharp exhale is the only evidence you have that Jake heard you. Refusing to give you a response, he flicks on the blinker to turn onto his street in a way that somehow seems snarky. It doesn’t take long before he’s pulling into his driveway and putting the car in park. Dark eyes turn to you, looking almost black in the dim light of the car. 

“Get out.” 

His tone leaves no space for arguing and you quickly unbuckle and stumble out of the car. Jake doesn’t wait on you – crossing the driveway to the front door in long strides, fishing for his key from his pocket. As you follow, you admire the broadness of his shoulders, the dominance within his gait alone, and yet another thrill of anticipation curls down your spine and settles between your thighs. He opens the door, not even sparing a glance backwards at you. He knows you’re following, knows you’ll follow him into the very depths of Hell if he asked. 

You expect him to pounce as the door closes. But instead, he merely slips his shoes off and places them neatly by the door. His keys and wallet are placed on the foyer table. Your shoes join his by the door. Then your purse on the hook. You walk deeper into the house, making your way into the kitchen – one eye on Jake as he moves about the space, orbiting you but not yet taking the step to touch you. It puts you on edge in an odd, delicious sort of way. He’s like a shark who’s scented blood; not yet going in for the kill, but instead waiting for the right moment to strike. You grab a glass from the cabinet and pour yourself a glass of water from the sink. The cool liquid doesn’t at all soothe the fire running through your veins. 

Not a second after you place the glass on the counter, you finally feel the heat of him pressing up against your back. His arms circle your waist and his lips hover over the sensitive skin of your ear. 

“I don’t mean to be so possessive.” He murmurs, his lips brushing against your skin. “Or pissy. ‘m sorry.” He mumbles, voice low. The heat in your belly simmers just a little, easing into something softer for a moment. 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” You answer him, tilting your head to the side as his kisses trail softly down your neck. 

Using his grip around your waist, Jake pulls you tighter against him. You tilt your head back towards him and he kisses you – soft but urgent. His hands caress your sides, your hips, then come up to cup your jaw as his tongue slips through your parted lips. He’s thorough, kissing you as if he’s savoring a meal. 

“Why are you being so sweet?” You’d been fully expecting a night of Jake using you to get all his frustration and energy out – an occurrence that you were more than looking forward to. His sweetness is a welcome surprise, though not at all how you saw this night going. 

He kisses along your jaw before seizing your earlobe between his teeth, nipping delicately before his mouth trails lower. His hips press into you and there’s no hiding the hard line of him in his pants, hot and pulsing against you. 

“I just want you to know how much I love you,” He whispers against your neck, giving you more kisses, “and how much I respect you,” another kiss. “because I'm gonna fuck you like I hate you.” 

All the air leaves your lungs and your heart feels like it might beat out of your chest. The earnestness and simplicity with which he utters such vulgarity is the sexiest thing you’ve ever experienced, leaving your brain empty of anything beyond your desire for him. But he’s taking too long now, his sweet kisses no longer enough and leaving you hollow and aching for him to fulfill the promise of his warning. The words slip out from your lips unbidden. 

“Why don’t you get the fuck on with it, then?”

His body goes rigid for one beat, maybe two, and then he spins you impossibly fast, a hand against your stomach, pressing you back into the wall. He captures your wrists with the other, holding them prisoner above your head. 

“Fuckin’ brat.” He groans against your mouth and the rough timbre of his voice floods your veins with a wave of primal need for him. “This is the thanks I get for trying to be sweet to you?” His shoulders are tense, the muscles taut with pent up energy and frustration. You aren’t sure what it is that’s got him in such a state but you want to replace it all with lust. You want him to take it out on you – to give you the overwhelming pleasure that you know he’s capable of delivering. “Well?”

“Fuck me.” You demand in lieu of answering him and his eyes seem to come alive as his nostrils flare at your tone. “Sir.” You add, the word dripping with sarcasm, making a mockery of the title that he’s more than earned in the bedroom. 

His breathing changes and there’s a war in his eyes that you’re determined to win. He leans down, his face only inches from yours. “I don't think you know what you’re asking for, Princess.” The nickname, the growl of his words rumbles up through his chest and every nerve ending in your body flares to life. 

His mouth collides with yours in a kiss – a rough, demanding thing as he plunges his tongue between your lips, seizing your mouth as his. Lust strokes down your spine and wetness floods your panties as he takes your ass in his hands and hauls you up against his hips. Your back presses into the wall as you use it for leverage to get closer to him. You lock your legs around his waist as your hands settle on his shoulders, the muscles quivering beneath your touch. 

Heat floods your body in an addictive rush, setting every inch of you aflame as his lips trail down the column of your throat, nipping and biting as he goes. But they aren’t gentle as they had been before – no, the sting of his teeth lets you know that your neck will be a mess in the morning, a painting of swirling purples and reds that will stand as testament to how far you pushed him tonight. The hedonistic, lecherous part of you is only excited further by the thought.

With your legs still wrapped around his waist, Jake walks backwards and turns you. Before you can even open your mouth to ask him where he’s going, your back hits the kitchen table. He hadn’t used as much force as you know he could have, but Jake had placed you hard enough onto the wooden surface that the breath in your lungs freezes for a moment as you glance up at his looming figure above you. He presses in close, roughly gripping your knees and shoving them apart so that he can walk forward and take up the space between them. 

“Hands above your head.” The words are rough – more of a growl than anything and you instantly comply, suddenly feeling unable to do anything other than what he asks of you. His fingers trail down your torso, his touch searing your skin even through the fabric of your blouse. His fingers trail underneath, slipping up your stomach and then behind your back. He tugs the blouse off you and onto the floor. With impressive skill, he then unhooks your bra behind your back and tosses it away as well, eyes now trained on the hard peaks of your nipples as you lay there exposed for him. He pauses, as if drinking in the sight of you, and impatience has you speaking before thinking once again. 

“You just going to stand there and stare?” As soon as the question leaves your mouth you know that you’ve really done it now. Jake’s gaze turns wicked, his grin devilish, as he shakes his head at you. 

“Y’know you’re lucky,” He begins, stepping back from you and unbuckling his belt. His fingers work slowly to pull it from his belt loops. When he at last gets it free, he reaches down and grips your hands where they rest obediently above your head, “that you’re so pretty. Otherwise I wouldn’t put up with that fucking mouth of yours.” Slowly, teasingly, he wraps the leather of his belt around your wrists and then cinches it tight, securing your wrists tightly together and then placing them back down onto the table above your head. 

Your body tingles with sinful pleasure and excitement at the feeling of being bound, at being kept where he wants you. Despite your mouth saying things before you can think them through, you desperately want to please the man above you. You want to worship him, to give him anything and everything he could ever ask of you. You begin to respond to him but he silences you with a heavy hand over your mouth. 

“Careful, Princess. Before I make you shut up with my cock, yeah?” Eyes wide, you nod and Jake lifts his hand with a satisfied nod. “What do you say to me?”

“Yes sir.” The words are shaky, thick with lust. It takes all your focus to make your brain form the words, to make your lips form the correct sounds. You can hardly think beyond the lust swirling inside your head. 

Jake doesn’t reward you with praise for your compliance as he normally would and disappointment trickles through you for the briefest of moments. But then his mouth is on your nipple, his fingers digging into your hips to hold you still. He bites down and you whimper, core pulsing as his tongue swirls around the hard bud to soothe the sting. Then he’s trailing lower, searing kisses working their way down your belly until he reaches the waistband of your skirt. Jake bunches the fabric up around your hips, exposing your damp panties for him to admire. You wish desperately that he would take the damn skirt off completely but you know that you’re in no position to be making requests. 

“Look at you.” His words are honey sweet, dripping with thinly veiled desire. You can feel his hot breath on your clothed heat, his white teeth flashing as he grins up at you smugly. “You’ve ruined these poor things, haven’t you?”

You whimper as he trails the pad of his finger over your clothed clit, causing your hips to jump up towards his hand. Jake hooks his fingers in your panties with his left hand, shoving the fabric to the side – clearly unwilling to even take the time to pull them all the way off you. Then his other hand is hovering over your center, fingers running through your slick as he hums in approval. Without any more warning, he plunges a finger inside of you, curling upwards deliciously and instantly finding that spot inside of you that drives you crazy. 

You cry out, back arching up off the wooden table. Your hands lift up off the table and then slam back downwards, anything else feeling uncomfortable thanks to Jake’s belt keeping them bound.

“So responsive.” Jake shows no mercy, quickly sinking another finger inside of you. Distantly, your foggy mind realizes that – even though he promised to fuck you like he hates you, you know that he would never do anything without properly prepping you first. If you were able to focus on anything other than his fingers, you might have thanked him. Instead, all you can do is moan as he works you masterfully with his fingers. 

“Jake.” You plead as he abuses your sweet spot over and over, keeping you hovering over the edge of release. “Jake, please.” You beg again as he gives no indication that he’s heard you other than grinning devilishly. “Jake, I can’t- I need-” The words won’t form right no matter how hard you try, the agonizing pleasure proving to be too much. 

“I know exactly what you need.” Jake answers darkly, “But you’re not asking nicely, are you?”

Eyes clenched shut, you shake your head frantically. “Please, sir?” You try instead, hips bucking forward to try and find some sort of friction. “Please make me cum? Please, please, sir.” Even to your own ears you sound pathetic but you can’t be bothered to care. All you can think about is how badly you need to cum, how incredible his fingers feel. All you can think about is Jake. “Sir, please-” 

“Enough.” Jake’s fingers leave you, and you whimper loudly in protest. But you’re silenced as Jake suddenly tugs even harder on your panties. The fabric digs harshly into your skin, and then you hear the sound of fabric tearing. Jake rips them from you, and then he’s shoving the ruined fabric into your gaping mouth, silencing you as the taste of your own arousal floods your tongue. Wide-eyed, all you can do is stare at him. 

Jake, looking entirely too smug and pleased with himself, eases his fingers back into your aching cunt and has you back to the edge in mere seconds, your whimpers and cries muffled by the panties shoved between your lips. Finally, Jake’s mouth descends onto your clit, his fingers never once slowing or faltering as he sucks your clit mercilessly. Your orgasm swoops in – quick, overwhelming, the pleasure white hot as it rocks through your body. Muscles quivering, you scream through your make-shift gag as Jake moans into your pussy, his eyes closing as if the taste of you is a gourmet meal. 

When at last he pulls away, you're left there in a daze – aching for more of him already. Clearly just as desperate to feel you fully, Jake grips your hips and brings your ass to the edge of the table. With impressive speed Jake rips his shirt off over his head and then even quicker has his trousers off and discarded to the floor.

His cock – achingly hard and the head glistening with precum, has your mouth watering. He steps between your legs once more and instinctively your legs wrap around his waist, bringing your slick pussy to rsst his beautiful cock. Jake hikes your skirt up higher to your belly and then his left hand finds your hip – his grip bruising. Gripping his length in the other, Jake runs his cock through your folds, gathering your slick before nudging the blunt head against your entrance. 

“Fuckin’ take it.” He growls, sheathing himself fully inside of you at last. Jake groans deeply and you moan the best you can through your gag. Giving you no time at all to adjust, Jake’s pace is immediately brutal. After three hard thrusts, his cock brushing against your sweet spot each time thanks to the angle of your hips, the sting of him quickly bleeds into pleasure. The table creaks and groans beneath you, the legs screeching against the kitchen floor as Jake pounds into you.

"Such a slut." Jake groans, but somehow he makes the word seem like a compliment. The wet squelching sound coming from between your legs would be embrassing if Jake didn't look like he could fall apart already. "You like it when I treat you like this?"

You nod frantically in answer, loving every second and still wanting more.

"'Course you do." The words escape through gritted teeth, his voice shaky despite the hard persona he's putting on. "Shit, Y/n."

Jake’s gaze falls down between the two of you, eyes trained on where he moves in and out of you, his skin growing shiny with sweat. His hair sticks to his temples and the side of his neck, his necklaces swinging and clinking in the air between the two of you. “Look so fucking good stretched around my cock.” 

You can’t answer, the feel of him moving inside of you too perfect to think of anything else. Jake’s hips slap against yours, his impressive stamina allowing his pace to remain fast, mercilessly, without faltering for even a second. It doesn’t take long for the heat simmering in your lower belly to rise, your body plummeting once again, head first, towards your second orgasm. Jake’s mouth is open, his brows furrowing as his own release draws nearer and nearer. His hand reaches up and pulls your ruined panties from your mouth at last and instantly your cries – once muffled, echo throughout the room along with the sound of Jake’s skin slapping against yours.  

“Say my name when you cum.” Jake orders, his thumb finding your clit and circling the swollen bud. His touch isn’t gentle – the pace just as brutal as the pace of his hips slamming into yours. Your orgasm hits you like a freight train and you scream Jake’s name, the muscles in your body convulsing violently. 

“Oh fuck. Fuck, Y/n.” Jake’s pace finally begins to falter as your walls clench around him. Jake’s left hand braces against the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white from the force of his grip. A litany of curses and groans fills the air as Jake spills inside of you, the feeling of his hot release making your eyes roll back. Your body burns with pleasure – pleasure that is dangerously close to bleeding into hot agony from overstimulation. 

Finally, Jake stills, his cock softening inside of you as he breathes out shakily, one hand coming up to wipe the sweat from his forehead. Still staying inside of you, the feeling of him there somehow comforting, Jake reaches up and unbinds your wrists. He brings each one to his lips in turn, kissing the red skin where the leather had been digging into you. 

“I love you.” He offers, his brown eyes now regarding you with a soft, almost sympathetic look. “My princess.” His fingers gently trace over your lips, his touch reverent.

“Love you more.” You murmur tiredly,

“Impossible.”

<fin>

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[sh4wty18]

song about me.

VERY loosely inspired by 'song about me' by tv girl.

pairing: johnnie guilbert x reader

summary: over a month after your breakup, johnnie writes a song about you. upon listening to it, you decide to confront him.

cw: angst, fluff, language

word count: 1.9k + edited

---

Your best friend eagerly asks, “Have you heard it?” over the phone, to which you reply, “have I heard what, exactly?”

“Johnnie’s new song… it’s totally about you!” she clarifies.

You scoff, “There’s no way it’s about me, girl.”

You had broken up with Johnnie over a month ago. After nearly a year and a half of dating, you’d finally grown tired of his constant workload. It wasn’t his being busy that bothered you, it was the excuses he used. Every time you’d ask to hang out, he’d surely have some type of excuse as to why he couldn’t. Your entire relationship hadn’t been like this, either, which made his sudden change in behavior even more confusing and frustrating. The excuses and avoidance had only begun in the final three months of your relationship. You had tried to communicate with him, you’d asked him countless times what was wrong, if you’d done something to upset him, or how you could help him if he was struggling. He never opened up. He’d offer you one of his recycled excuses each time, “Nothing’s wrong babe, I just need to be alone tonight.” or “Not tonight, I’m too tired.” or “I’ve been busy all day, I can’t handle company right now.” Same excuse, different wording. 

After three months of this constant battle, and an inability to get through to him, you finally decided to break things off. At least you couldn’t say you didn’t try. You had tried more than anything to make it work with Johnnie. When you’d first gotten together, you were sure he was the one. Evidently, things changed, although you hadn’t wanted them to. 

“No girl, it’s definitely about you. Like… he’s down bad. You need to listen to it right now.” your best friend continues, “don’t you still miss him?”

“Ha! No. But I’ll listen to it and let you know what I think,” you lie through your teeth. Of course you still missed him. You loved him more than anyone, and breaking up with him was the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But it was necessary, and it was the right thing to do. The relationship was becoming unhealthy– for both of you. You loved Johnnie, and still do, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t need to grow as a person. You figured you needed to grow too. 

You had told him the day you broke up with him that you’d always appreciate your time together, and that if the two of you were meant to be, you trusted the universe to bring you back together. He had only nodded, as silent tears dampened his cheeks. That was the last thing you’d said to him. You left him there, alone in his bedroom after that. It was your biggest regret.

He hadn’t reached out since then, so you assumed he’d moved on, and you were trying to do the same. It wasn’t working. Nothing did. You missed him. You missed him like the sun misses the moon, like how the sea longs for the sand, you missed him day and night. You missed him at work, at the bar with your friends, you missed him in your dreams. It was an all encompassing heartbreak. You hoped you hid it well. 

“You totally miss him…” your best friend said knowingly. “It’s okay, I get it. You thought he was the love of your life, it sucks! And it’s only been a month! No one, like, expects you to be fine.” 

You exhale, “Thanks…” not knowing what else to say, “I’ll talk to you later.” 

After hanging up, you click on the Spotify icon and type Johnnie’s name into the search bar. 

LATEST RELEASE:

Losing You ⏺ Single

You press play, and are instantly met with a soft melody, most likely played on his acoustic guitar, with some added background instrumentals. Upon listening to the lyrics, you can tell the song is definitely about you.

And I understand why you left, it was for the best.

But did you even care? Or was I just too much to bare?

I’m standing at the edge of a cliff, will we ever heal the rift?

Now I’m stitching up my wounds, but what I really need is you.

Hot tears sting your eyes. The song was beautiful, but hurt you. Suddenly you realize that you can’t keep pretending to be fine anymore. Maybe, you decided, it was time to go talk to him.

—

You knock on Jake, Johnnie, and Carrington’s door, half expecting one of the other two to answer, but you noticed upon arrival that Jake’s car was absent from the driveway. At least you could have some privacy during your confrontation, you supposed. 

To your surprise, Johnnie answered on the second knock. 

He jolts back a couple inches, shock washing over his face, “Hi…” 

“Hi. Can I come in?” You ask.

He hesitates, taking all of you in, eyes wandering up and down your body. He hasn’t seen you in over a month, and he wanted to refresh his memory of every curve, every freckle, every loose strand of hair. He had missed your body, but more than anything, he missed you. All of you. “Yeah, sure, of course,” he responds. 

“Thanks,” you mumble. 

You step inside, taking him in as well. His tattoos, some of which you didn’t recognize, his hair swept in front of his face, his makeup, everything. He looked good, you’d almost forgotten how handsome he was. You also took in the house that you knew so well. Being inside it again was like visiting your own grave. 

“Can we go upstairs?” You ask.

“Sure…” Johnnie responds, furrowing his eyebrows nervously. You hated seeing him like this, nervous and unsure of himself. You wanted to make him feel good again, you hoped it wasn’t too late, (even though you were kind of mad at him too).

You both sit awkwardly on the edge of his bed after he closes and locks his door to offer you both some privacy. 

“So… what’s up?” He asks.

“What do you think is up, Johnnie?” You ask, trying to maintain your composure. “You wrote a song about me, without asking. You aired our dirty laundry out for EVERYONE to hear. You made it seem like I left you stranded?! What the fuck?” 

“You DID leave me stranded! It just wasn’t your fault! I was in a super dark place during the last bit of our relationship. Those last three months were hell. I was going through it, like super depressed and shit. But instead of being a grown ass adult and confiding in you like a normal boyfriend would, I pushed you away. Our breakup was all my fault. You left me stranded because I gave you no choice.” 

“I’m so sorry that you were going through that alone, Johnnie. But it wasn’t my responsibility to save you. And believe me, I tried.” 

“I never said it was.” Johnnie says with a hurt look on his face. 

“Yeah, but you pushed me away so much, you made me feel like you didn’t love me anymore. And it’s so hard watching the person you love most suffer and knowing there’s nothing you can do to save them. Knowing that no matter what I did, you’d refuse me. ME. The one person you’re supposed to trust more than anyone. It was fucking exhausting Johnnie. Emotionally and physically. I couldn’t fucking eat, I couldn’t sleep, all I did was worry about you. And deep down I knew you needed to do it alone. Even though it hurt me more than anything to leave you.” 

“I'm so sorry I put you through that. I know I was shit. I am shit. But I’m trying, y/n. I’m really fucking trying. I’m seeing a therapist again, trying to get out more. I wrote that song because it was cathartic. I’m sorry I crossed a line.” 

“Thank you, Johnnie, but you’re not shit. You’re actually one of the best people I’ve ever met. That’s why it hurts so badly to see you like that. You deserve better, you deserve happiness and love and everything you’ve ever wanted. You’re worth it. And the song was really pretty by the way… I love it. Yeah, I was pissed you wrote it without my permission but I think it was just ‘cause I knew everything you said in it was true. It’s beautiful,” You respond, standing up and pulling him up by his hand. You wrap your arms around his waist in the biggest, tightest hug you’ve ever given him. You missed the way his body molded into yours. He held your body against his, neither of you wanting to let go. 

Johnnie is the first to break away, but only to gaze down at you lovingly. 

“What is it?” You ask, as it’s evident he has something he wants to say. “You know you can still tell me anything, right?”

“It’s just… I didn’t just write the song for catharsis. I wrote it because I couldn’t wait for the universe anymore,” he says, avoiding eye contact with you.

“What?” You ask, slightly caught off guard. Of course, you knew exactly what he was referring to, but you wanted to hear him say it. 

“The day you broke up with me, the last thing you said to me was that if we were meant to be you trusted the universe to bring us back together. I don’t need the universe to tell me you’re the love of my life, I already know it. Y/n, I would die for you. I would lose everything for you. You’re the one. I took you for granted before and I never, ever wanna put you through that again. You deserve the world, and I fucked everything up. I totally understand if you walk out that door and never look back but I couldn’t let you leave without telling you that you’re the person I think about every night as I’m falling to sleep and every morning when I wake up. It’s always gonna be you for me.” He stops, gazing into your eyes. Your expression is unreadable, mostly because you’re too stunned to say anything back. “Say something please, or I’m gonna-”

You cut him off, pressing your lips to his on your tiptoes. He pulls you in tighter by your waist, while your hands fly up to tangle in his hair. He rotates your bodies and pushes you back onto the bed, before straddling you, your kiss getting messier by the second. 

Johnnie breaks away, tears staining his cheeks, “I’m sorry.” He whispers.

You caress his cheek with your palm, drying his tears, “It’s okay, baby.” 

He gently presses his lips to your forehead, cheeks, jaw, neck, hands, anywhere he can reach, breathing out, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” between each kiss. 

You pull his head up to gaze up at him, and he still looks indescribably pained. “Hey,” you pull his head to yours to kiss his forehead, “I never stopped loving you, and I never will. You mean everything to me. Whatever comes next, promise me you’ll always confide in me. Even when you’re scared. Even when you feel like shit. Even when it’s hard. We can’t promise to never hurt each other again, because that’s bound to happen. But can we promise to always communicate with each other?”

“Of course, baby. God, you’re so fucking good to me.” He lays down next to you and holds your neck with one hand, tilting your head towards his. Your noses brush together and you both exhale a sigh of relief. You’d never leave each other again.

---

as always i hope you enjoyed and likes & reblogs are always appreciated! <3

[ferrstappen]

loving him is red l Charles Leclerc Imagine

a/n: it’s been YEARS since I've written something but I have too many ideas and time so I'll give it a try again <3 any feedback is appreciated and than you for reading <3

also, of course the only song I could think of is Red by Taylor Swift (taylor’s version ofc)... I mean... how could I not?

genre: fluff.

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x female singer!reader.

summary: Charles’ girlfriend receives her first Grammy for Song of the Year, sadly enough the inspiration behind the song isn’t able to make it to the ceremony.

“This feels so wrong, I should be there to support you... You’re always here for races and shit” Charles said while watching her get ready on a fancy hotel room, meanwhile he was stuck in Maranello. 

“Please don’t, it’s pre-season and all that, you know they needed you there today. Plus, I'll be home by tomorrow so we can celebrate... or you can console me since I'm probably losing anyway.” (Y/N) quietly said the last part while sipping some expensive sparkling wine her assistant brought to the room. 

“You are not losing! Babe, how many times do I need to tell you that?” Charles sounded truly exasperated with his girlfriend, like he truly had told her many many times. 

Truth be told, she never thought she would be considerate at all. Yes, her label had submitted her second album and the first single of the record, but they were almost obligated to do so, it was an unspoken rule in the music industry that you just had to do the entire “for your Grammy consideration” portfolio if you wanted to be taken seriously, but (Y/N) never really thought the song she first released from her album would be such a hit. 

Honestly, they just were words her heart could think of whenever she saw Charles, because he truly was red... In the way he wore the color so proudly, from the way his car was always a shiny red even when he was driving it in the driest of the deserts, to the way he loved her so passionately, fearlessly and undoubtedly... He was red. 

It never made sense to her that millions around the world would mix her lyrics on Ferrari t-shirts or that fans would wait for Charles on the stands with bright red lyrics of the song. 

He loved it, by the way. He would flush a bright red whenever someone on the grid teased him about it, pretended he was shy about everyone knowing those words were for him, but his heart would sing a little every single time he listened or read the verses meant for him, just as he would make sure the camera would capture your cute face over FaceTime when he got a podium and you couldn’t be here, or how he made sure to tell you his best joke when you’d arrive to the paddock holding hands, loving the way the photographers captured your laugh and the glint in his eyes just by being the reason of your smile. 

He had the superior relationship and he just knew it, and he made sure the rest of the word knew it as well. 

“So, are you finally going to show me the dress?” Charles said while putting his headphones on to ignore the world outside of his driver’s room.

She cheekily smiled. “No, not really” She told him, earning a dissatisfied groan from him.

“Then when do you want me to see it? On TV like the rest of the world?” He argued, his accent getting thicker.

“Actually yes, that’s exactly what I was thinking.” (Y/N) was going to keep talking, but her assistant let her know the dress had just arrived and they needed her full attention. 

“No, I heard that! You can mute me and I’ll just watch over here!” Charles pleaded, earning a heartily laugh from her girlfriend. 

“I’m so sorry, bebé. I have to go, but you can watch me on TV though!”

Charles sighed, unable to hide his grin. “You know I'll be glued, I don’t care about the time or anything,” even through his noise-cancelling headphones he could hear a big commotion outside his room, meaning someone would come knocking on his door soon. He took a deep breath before focusing his eyes on his muse again. “I love you so much, chérie. I’m so proud of you and whatever happens tonight doesn’t change that. Please whatever you need I'll have my phone at all times, I’m capable of stoping the car in the middle of nowhere and you know it,” they both laughed. “I’m right there with you, I love you.”

She repeated the same words over and over again, feeling a bit numb as several people helped her fitting the red Maison Valentino dress to perfection. It was a whirlwind from there, the last glance she took of herself in the mirror was to make sure the small prancing horse shaped stud earrings, a nod to her man watching on tv.

As if writing a Grammy nominated song and almost an entire album about him wasn’t enough...

Her hands couldn’t help the tingling on the palm of her hands, her body knowing she was missing her other half; he always needed to fix his tie or style a stubborn strand of hair, and it always calmed her nerves to take care of him. 

Back in Italy, Charles was anxiously watching the TV in front of him, some friends, including Carlos, were sitting around the living room, mindlessly chatting about some of the artists performing on the Grammys, what were the plans for the night, the next Real Madrid game...

But Charles eyes were trained on his girl smiling in front of the TV, feeling giddy as she gracefully walked down the carpet on her silky red dress, eyes shining and smile intoxicating. 

The night flew by and Charles swore he could feel your hand squeezing his as they announced the category he had been waiting for. Harry Styles was on the stage with the envelope.

Everything went by so quickly, Charles didn’t notice his friends had shut up and were with their eyes trained on the TV. They all collectively gasped when the brit announced Red by (Y/N) as the song of the year. 

Then it was just noise; from the TV, from people cheering on the theatre as she hid her face on the palm on her hands, to the living room where Charles had rose to his feet hugging everyone around him.

To anyone on the outside it would’ve seemed like their country had won the World Cup. 

“God, I don’t know how to begin,” She shakily said while holding the gramophone. “I know I’m supposed to say that this is for my fans and my label and everyone who believed in me, and it is but...” She smiled to herself. “This is for you, the inspiration behind every word, every verse, every note. My incredible boyfriend who makes my heart sing and my life happy. They haven’t invented the words to tell you how much I love you,” She could feel tears building on the corner of her eyes, until she saw a stage producer informing she only had ten seconds left to wrap up her speech. “God, just ten seconds? Thank you so much to everyone, Char I love you with my entire heart, and thank you to everyone for this I’ll always have this moment in my heart, even after I’m gone I’m sure this is gonna be engraved. Thank you!”

The camera captured her glistening eyes as she smiled through the lens. Charles had unshed tears as his heart was beating loudly. Only seconds passed until his phone was vibrating with an incoming FaceTime call. 

“So... Did you like the red dress?” She joked and he laughed through the unshed proud tears. He never knew he could feel so much pride and love for another person. 

He chuckled. “I loved it, and I love you so much words cannot explain. Fuck, how come I wasn’t there?”

Their love was red.

[whyse7vn]

WORM -

[ jung hoseok x reader ]

HOSEOK ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

hoseok: wyd

y/n: can you talk to me like you love me pls

hoseok: there was sm love in that wyd i don’t what ur talking about actually

y/n: it felt like i was whore number 32

hoseok: ur literally whore 12???

y/n: you barely know 7 people let alone 12

hoseok: you literally said ur whore 32 so clearly i know more than 12 people

y/n: i said that it FELT like i was whore 32 not that i was

hoseok: let’s have sex

y/n: no

i’m listening to butterfly rn

ur interrupting

IS IT TRUEEEEE IS IT TRUEEEEEEEEEE

hoseok: no that’s actually so crazy cuz i wrote that song for you babe

y/n: ???

hoseok: and if you translate it the lyrics into hyroglifics it actually about why we should fuck rn

y/n: that is not true at all

also you did NOT write it according to my spotify

see

hoseok: i wrote it in my heart

y/n: ok

hoseok: do you like me

y/n: no not when ur wasting my time like rn

hoseok: maybe i just want to talk to you

y/n: ur boring

hoseok: wait why ur spotify in english ☠️☠️

this bitch can’t speak korean ohmygod 🤣💯😭🤦🏻‍♂️

y/n: and ur trying to fuck???

hoseok: i love you

y/n: i love you more

hoseoki: call me daddy

y/n: NO

hoseok: WHY ☹️

y/n: how many times do we need to go through this

you have thrown up BOTH times i’ve called you it

hoseok: what if i’ve changed

y/n: stop talking to me

hoseok: :p

maybe you need to encourage me more

a hoseokssi fighting~🥺🙏🏼💘

before you say it and i might not throw up

y/n: stop talking about it

hoseok: fine 😒

y/n: btw do you know where my pink hat is

cant find her i’m real upset

hoseok: btw i have not one clue where it is!!!

sorry to hear ur upset

don’t cry pretty

y/n: so ur telling me you don’t have it rn

hoseok: i don’t

y/n: answer the ft then

hoseok: i don’t want to

y/n: what if i’m naked

hoseok: are you?

y/n: no

hoseok: i’m not answering then

y/n: you have my hat hobi

hoseok: that is not true

babe ur like going insane i think

not good

let’s get you to a doctor

y/n: bring my hat home rn

hoseok: what hat?

y/n: i will NOT let you gaslight ur way out of this

hoseok: gaslighting isn’t real ur just insane

telling you we need to see a doctor asap no newjeans

y/n: don’t lose my hat pls

hoseok: why would i lose it

y/n: so you do have it

hoseok: whaaaatttttt

y/n: whatever just don’t lose it

hoseok: ok 😁

babe?

y/n: yeah

hoseok: miss you

y/n: is that why you took my hat?

hoseok: say you miss me back ohmygod

y/n: i miss you back

is that why you took my hat?

hoseok: wait babe ur spitting 🔥🗣️

y/n: i don’t spit

hoseok: no ur right

ur a good girl and swallow

y/n: ok bye

hoseok: ok i’m sorry come back 😢

i just want to fuck

y/n: ur life story at this point

hoseok: not true

there are times i don’t want to fuck

y/n: times like????

hoseok: i don’t have my thinking cap on rn

but if i did

i could name you times i didn’t want to

y/n: sure

hoseok: sure

y/n: sure.

hoseok: shorts tight as hell rn

y/n: shorts???

are you not cold

why are you wearing shorts rn it’s still cold outside

hoseok: my dick just THAT big i fear

y/n: jung hoseok

hoseok: ok i’m sorry this time i’m fr sorry

like actually babe

y/n: i prefer when you don’t lie to me

hoseok: my fault

did you believe i was sorry tho

y/n: no

hoseok: damn fr???

ur saying i’m not built for this kdrama life

y/n: you barely built for this one

hoseok: LMAOOOO

no

that wasn’t funny

if you thought i laughed ur wrong

don’t say things like that

i’m upset now

y/n: sorry babe

hoseok: it’s ok i forgive you

y/n: thx >_<

hoseok: is this you finally admitting ur in love with me

y/n: only a little

ur ego it’s getting a bit much these days

hoseok: always knew you loved me 💘😍

y/n: loved

hoseok: ?

y/n: past tense

hoseok: love

y/n: i didn’t say to change it

my love you in the past fr fr

hoseok: fr??

y/n: for real man

hoseok: man

y/n: yup

hoseok: remember when we were just friends

y/n: remember when we didn’t even know each other

hoseok: lowkey

take me back 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

y/n: that was my joke

you nasty little thief

hoseok: i’m not joking

y/n: if we breakup one day

ur gonna think back to this moment

and be like man

i was off my head

this was all my fault

why would i say some fucked up shit like this man

hoseok: you were gonna say the same thing tho?

y/n: but i didn’t

hoseok: ok

would you love me as a worm tho

y/n: i don’t even love you as you are rn

hoseok: OK WHAT

SWITCH UP IS CRAZY

LIKE CRAZY

NO JIMIN

you said you love me

y/n: LOVED

get it right

hoseok: ok wtf man

y/n: you wouldn’t love me as a worm

hoseok: who said that???

not me

ask me the question

y/n: would you still love me as a worm?

hoseok: no!!

y/n: kys

hoseok: my sweetheart ❤️

—

nah someone tell hoseok to let the daddy agenda go omg bf so crazy guys 🤦🏽‍♀️😂‼️

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @threeopossumsinacoat @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp @socksfirstalways @knjlvr06 @lailaisarmy @thvkives @xstfudaisyx @xxxanimangxxx @solstice34 @ml8dy @hoeforseoks

just realised joon was supposed to be next my fault LMAO

[gentaro-kinniecom]

“Oh you haven’t kissed anyone yet? Neither have I, maybe we could..?”

Characters: Adonis Otogari, Tatsumi Kazehaya, Yuzuru Fushimi, Tsumugi Aoba, Kanata Shinkai, Leo Tsukinaga, Mika Kagehira, Hinata Aoi, Mao Isara and Niki Shina

Cw: fluff! Silly kisses and flustered (?) characters, Keito being mom coded in Mao’s part HELPP, idk what else to say except that..I really enjoyed writing this

A/n: Hi guys! I went missing for like 2 months (school has been absolutely brutal) but anyways, I hope y’all enjoy this silly post, also the reader is the one who tells them that, not the character towards the reader (i hope it made sense 😓)

Adonis Otogari

“Huh?” what the first thing Adonis replied to when he heard your question. He seriously thought he’d heard wrong and blushed a bit as he ran the words over and over again in his head, he really wanted to kiss you. Especially since he’s had a crush on you for a while, so Adonis gently brings you closer and kisses you. He apologizes later on even, if you didn’t mind the kiss and he’ll try to properly court you afterwards.

-“Can we go on a date? I insist, you’re a wonderful person to be around with”

Tatsumi Kazehaya

Tatsumi gets embarrassed at the suggestion, he didn’t expect such a bold statement coming from you. He’ll decline the offer, saying that it would be ‘unpleasant’ to kiss if you’re not in a relationship…Tatsumi changes his mind when you suggest trying things out as a couple. Going on dates and listening to his rants about..anything really. He doesn’t want to admit how badly he wants to kiss you, so he does, with no hesitation.

-“Now that we’re together..I suppose you don’t mind me showing you my affection, hm?”

Yuzuru Fushimi

Nearly drops his tray of tea when you said that. You noticed the change in his attitude, a bit flustered and shy as he offered you some tea. Tori was out to visit Eichi and Wataru was practicing for another show, meaning it was the given moment to spend time with Yuzuru. As much as he wanted to leave, he couldn’t help but want to kiss you. Yuzuru was now grabbing your chin softly and leaning in, parting away as he smiled.

-“It seems a date is in order? I would be delighted to show you some of the best sights in the city”

Tsumugi Aoba

Similar to Yuzuru except, he dropped the books he was holding and quickly got down to get them back. Yet, you were helping him, and he got more nervous and shy. However, Tsumugi grabbed your hand, whisking you away to a more secluded area to kiss you. He confessed that he liked you since the day you’ve met and it all felt like a dream when you asked him that.

-“I would’ve never guessed that a day like today..we would kiss in the library, but, I’m definitely not complaining..”

Kanata Shinkai

His face remained puzzled as he asked you to repeat the question again. Kanata smiled as he heard it once more, pulling you towards the waves of the ocean as he wrapped his arms around you. It was usual for him to be so affectionate with you..but as his lips neared yours, you felt your breath hitch. Your clothes were wet by the time you both left the fountain; Kanata was now holding your hand softly while kissing you

-“Hehe~ I like ‘spending’ time with you..do you want to go on a ‘date’ with me~?”

Leo Tsukinaga

He straight up just laughs and begins writing on the notebook you gifted him a while back for his birthday. Soon holding it up for you as you read the lyrics of a song Leo had thought of the moment you told him that. Suddenly, you felt him kiss your hand before moving to kiss you softly. He moved his hands to your face, still kissing you while smiling and parting away for air, wishing that moment lasted forever.

-“I was hoping you’d say that sometime, you give me so much inspiration~! I’ll make sure to dedicate you even more songs from now on!”

Mika Kagehira

Mika was sewing quietly when he heard your suggestion. Hands shaky as he stopped what he was crafting. He was lucky Shu had gone to deliver some important outfits, meaning he wasn’t returning until a long time. Mika then looked your way, admiring your features as he then got up. Grabbing your face with both hands as he leaned in, kissing you dearly.

-“I..sorry, I really like you Y/n, and..well..I want to spend time with you..anywhere”

Hinata Aoi

It all started like a joke to him, he couldn’t believe you were serious about it afterwards, his brother found out and listened in to what he thought about it. Hinata had a crush on you since ever, everything about you was so perfect in his eyes. He felt at comfort for the way you knew who he was and not confuse him with his brother often. After thinking about it he accepted the offer, taking you to the roof and kissing you softly. Smiling as he admired your features

- “I’m glad I met you, you’re so wonderful I…I get speechless whenever I’m around you”

Mao Isara

Keito coughed a bit, making his presence noticeable in the student council’s room as Mao blushed, he heard it even if you whispered it? Keito just sighed and left the room, warning Isara not to do anything..out of the ordinary while he was gone. But, he just allowed that to happen.. Mao saw as you sat down beside him, grabbing his hand as he smiled; he nodded while leaning forward, you kissed him quickly before Mao then pulled you back for another one.

-“I know we shouldn’t kiss here but..what’s one small kiss going to change? I have the perfect place for our lunch, if you want to join me afterwards”

Niki Shiina

His brain kinda just..stopped (?) working the moment you spoke, the food that he was making nearly burned as he quickly turned the stove off since it was already done. Niki couldn’t help but wonder if he heard right. He noticed how you looked around the kitchen, smiling and helping him prep the food for his unit-mates. After being alone, he thought about it for sometime, grabbing your hand softly and bringing you back to the kitchen to kiss you softly against the counter

-“You’re so cute when you help me around, we should bake together sometime..”

[skzdust]

Happy Father's Day, or:

7 times Chan took care of SKZ and 1 time they took care of him

This fic was a request from @bangchans-peach! I wrote it super fast but I loved the idea and I thought it would be a perfect little fic since it's Father's Day! I hope you enjoy it and I hope you all have had lovely Father's Days, whatever that looks like for you <3

Summary: Pretty much exactly the title :)

Pairing: None, platonic skz

Includes: Fatherly(ish) Chan and tooth-rotting fluff!

Word Count: 900

Taglist: @weirdowithaphone, @caught-in-the-afterglow, @palindrome969, @skzstan12345

Reblogs, likes, comments all appreciated!!! Thank you!!!

Masterlist

----

One:

Jisung lays in bed, messing with his hands and trying to keep his mind on anything but the performance they have coming up. His phone dings with Chan’s tone.

Hey, everything alright? If you need to talk I’m here!

He hums in confusion.

What?

Chan responds in matter of seconds.

Was just listening through a couple of your demos and some of the lyrics were kinda intense, thought I’d check in

Yeah, if you have a minute, I would actually really like to talk

He smiles softly as a notification for Chan’s incoming call pops up on screen. The other members are there for him, too, but Chan can always tell when something’s up.

Two:

“No.” Hyunjin groans, resting his head on the table. “It’s bad.”

“It is not bad, Hyunjin.” Chan pauses the track. “I do think it needs some work, but I don’t think it’s bad.”

“There’s a reason I’m not a part of 3Racha, I’m not good at writing.” Hyunjin forces a laugh for his non-joke.

“That’s not true. Look at me.”

Hyunjin tilts his head sideways. Chan’s horizontal face looks reassuring.

“We’re gonna get this song, alright? We’ll kill it. We always do.”

“Mhm.”

Chan can tell it’s not helping. “Wanna take a break? I’ll get us ice cream.”

Hyunjin perks up. “Ice cream?”

Three:

“Go away.” Minho mumbles into his pillow.

The knock at his door gets louder.

“Go away!”

“I’m coming in.” He can hear the door opening, and feels the mattress dip under the weight of someone sitting by his feet.

He peeks out to see who it is.

Chan is looking at him.

“Was it something with that girl?”

Minho buries his face. “No.”

Chan sighs. “For some strange reason, I don’t believe you.”

“Believe me.”

“C’mon, Minho. Don’t be obstinate.”

Minho loosens his grip on his pillow. “You won’t make fun of me, will you?”

“Only if you deserve it.” He teases.

Minho groans, pushing his head down.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. What’s wrong?”

Four:

Seungmin places his chin on Bang Chan’s shoulder. “Channie, can we do something interesting?”

“We’re learning choreography.” Chan shrugs him off. “That’s interesting!”

“No, it’s not.”

“Shh, Minho might kill you.” He looks at Minho, who’s fixing Jisung’s pose for what might be the thousandth time, judging from the slightly murderous look on his face.

“I wanna do something else.”

Chan somehow always knows just what he means. “You want to play baseball.”

Seungmin nods. “I want to play baseball.”

Chan looks across the room to where Jeongin and Changbin are against the wall, looking entirely too bored, and Seungmin can see the cogs turning in his head. “I think we can recruit a team.”

Five:

“Old man?” Chan raises an eyebrow. “Oh, yes, of course, old man Bang Chan, on his deathbed.”

“Yeah.” Changbin laughs. “Ancient, decrepit Chan.”

“I may be an old man, but I’m your old man.” Chan points to each of them in turn. “And I say video game rights revoked.”

Everyone groans, and Jisung dissolves into giggles.

“But tonight is Mario Kart night!” Changbin whines.

“Nope, you’re the reason I’ve made this rule in the first place, my son.” Chan claps him on the shoulder. “Your brothers only have you to thank.”

“Uh oh, I’d better find a police station, I think I have six assassins on my tail now.”

Six:

“Chaaaaan!” Jeongin slides into the kitchen in sock feet, where Chan is cutting vegetables.

“What?” Chan glances over his shoulder.

“Felix beat me at Mario Kart and now he says he gets to sing my solo at the awards show next week.”

Felix runs into the room, skidding to a stop beside Jeongin. “I won! I do!”

“And you’re coming to me with this… why?” Chan finishes chopping a carrot, scraping it off the cutting board into a pot.

“Because you’re good at talking Felix into sense!”

“Felix… you know you can’t sing the solo.”

“I can!” Felix clears his throat, getting out only the first note of the part before Jeongin elbows him in the stomach and he doubles over with an “oof!”

Chan ignores this. “Besides, you know the publicists would get mad.”

“They would.” Felix grumbles as Jeongin cackles.

Seven:

“Felix!”

Felix turns around, pulling out an earbud. “Hm?”

Chan holds up his phone. “Here, I have a song I need you to listen to. It’s by this American group, The Flaming Lips.”

Felix queues it up. “Okay, this is cool.”

“I thought you might like it. It seemed like a sound you’d like.” Chan returns his phone to his pocket. “And they have more music too, but that one stuck out to me.”

Felix smiles. “I’ll check ‘em out!”

Plus one time they took care of him:

“Can I open my eyes?” Chan asks, holding his arms in front of him like Frankenstein’s creature, feeling around for anything in front of him.

Felix removes the blindfold. “Now.”

Chan opens his eyes as everyone shouts, “Happy Father’s Day!” The dining room has been transformed with streamers, balloons, and a handmade banner, and a cake on the table reads “For Our Old Man Chan!” in messy icing.

It’s all Chan can do to keep from tearing up. “You guys shouldn’t’ve!”

“It’s really the least we can do!” Jeongin smiles from behind the cake. “You’re so good to us, Chan, we’re very lucky to have you!”

Chan smiles, a big, real smile. “I’m the lucky one.”

[justanerd1234]

Ok, so I’m not new to Tumblr but this is only my second time posting so I apologize if I do something wrong, but I need to rant.

I was doing my work in my world history class the other day. My teacher likes to play music, and she had it on some country station. Now, I like country music, that’s not the problem.

However, one song in particular came on, and I’d never heard it before. It’s probably actually a really popular song and I’ve just been living under a rock my whole life, but anyway, the more I listened to it and its lyrics, the more I began to hate it.

The song is “Friends Don’t” by Maddie and Tae. It showcases a lovely chorus that goes:

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night Couldn't even tell you why They just felt like saying hi Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys Finding reasons not to leave Trying to hide their chemistry Drive a little too slow (slow), take the long way home (home) Get a little too close (close) We do, but friends don't

And ok, I get the point of the song. I know it’s just supposed to be a sweet cheesy love song. But it just makes me think of how high romantic relationships are held above platonic ones in our society, and songs like this do nothing but inflate that disparity.

For someone who’s Aroace like me, friendships are all I have. And maybe it’s selfish, but I’m really damn tired of everybody telling me I’ll find someone eventually. I’m tired of people seeing all my friendships as second-rate. As less than. They can’t see that maybe my “someone” is found in all my friends that I get to spend life with. In a society that only really cares about romance and sex, people who aren’t constantly seeking those things are left forgotten. And it hurts. A lot.

I’m scared for what the future holds. I worry about how long it will take for all my friends to eventually leave me. How long will it be until my only source of companionship leaves me for something “better”.

I don’t want to be the second choice. I want somebody I can talk to about everything and do silly stuff with and everything. But society doesn’t care. They still see platonic relationships as less than.

They see me as less than.

Sorry for the rant, I just really needed to get this out.

[bookshelf-dust]

how people can change

steve harrington x gn!byers!reader

word count: 4,427

warnings: swearing, like one use of y/n, mentions of season one steve's bullshit, mentions of death, enemies to friends to more type beat

a/n: my very first *full* steve fic. look at us. who woulda thought? not me. i've been working on this since february. don't look at me, i know. i know. but i think i've gotten some sort of hold on how i'd like to write steve. some of the dialogue (season 2) isn’t mine. (also the title is a lyric from strange by celeste!) let me know what you think, okay? i love you. steve loves you. don't tell me if it's bad.

————

November 1984

The door slams behind you with a deafening thud, and you take the extra five seconds to lock it. You know, that action no one else in your family seems to be capable of performing. 

The house is quiet, and you step over the map of Hawkins sprawling over the hardwoods, careful not to damage Will’s work.

Your keys clang against the table, knocking into your mother’s ashtray. It’s dead quiet again, and you freeze at a subtle interruption in the silence. There’s a muffled sound coming from somewhere else in your home, and frankly you’ve had enough of everything the last couple of days. Which is why Joyce sent you home to get some sleep, to clear your head. 

There’s no denying that you have a soft spot for Will. He’s always been your buddy. And you love Jonathan, you do, and he’s got this sick ability to know what you’re thinking or feeling before you do, but he doesn’t need your protection like Will does. 

Will is your best friend. And he’s got one hell of a support system with you, Jonathan and your mom behind him. He deserves the world. You’ve always thought that. 

You quickly infer that it’s a walkie making the sound, based on the staticky crackle, the slightly muffled voice of whoever’s trying to get through from the other side.

Yours is off—you know it is—so it has to be Will’s. Jonathan was too good for a walkie-talkie.

You step down the hallway, pushing your younger brother’s bedroom door the rest of the way open. You scan the small area for it, listening.

“Code red! This is a code red! I repeat, this is a good red! Shit, is anyone there?”

You snatch up the device, extending the antenna.

“Dustin? Is that you?”

“Jesus christ! Where have you been?” Dustin exclaims, and you swear you can hear someone else interfering with his words.

“Sorry! I wasn’t home. What’s wrong?” You sit on the edge of Will’s bed. It’s so much comfier than yours. 

“It’s Dart! He’s, he’s just…you know what? It’s a long story. Where are you right now?”

This time you definitely hear another voice, and maybe even music.

“Dart? You kept him, right? I fucking knew it, Henderson! You’re so not a good liar.”

“That’s for sure.” You can’t place the voice, not over the walkie and over Dustin’s rambling, but you do catch that and it’s enough to leave you curious. 

The boy starts to argue back, but you cut him off. “Dustin, who are you with?”

“Uh,” he coughs, “Well you see, um…Steve Harrington. I’m with Steve Harrington.”

Dustin gets a severe eye roll from said partner-in-crime, but he brushes it off. 

“What?” You’re so confused. How did that even happen?

“I know! But everyone’s been MIA!”

“Oh my god,” you say, and Dustin can practically see you face-palming.

“Look,” he shoves a handful of rogue curls back under the brim of his hat. “Can you just meet up with us? The old junkyard?”

You push off of Will’s bed, and start walking through the house again, retrieving your things. So much for a nap or eating anything other than hospital Jell-O. What are you gonna say? Fuck no? 

“Yeah, yeah, I'll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thank god,” Dustin breathes. “See you then. Over.”

You make sure to check the batteries in Will’s walkie before you go, and then you’re back in your car again, backing out just as aggressively as your mother (something you said you’d never do). 

————

“Yeah, Farrah Fawcett. You tell anyone I just told you that, and your ass is grass you’re dead, Henderson. Do you understand?” 

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

Dustin goes quiet for a minute, watching each step he takes. The train tracks are old, and there are one too many loose nails for his liking. “So what’s Y/N got against you, man?”

Steve adjusts one of the gloves he’s wearing, trying not to think about the fact that he’s gonna smell like raw meat for who knows how long. “Uh, I don’t know, exactly. Never really talked to them before. But I’d assume it’s the–”

“The assholery?” Dustin interrupts. 

“Dude.”

“What? It’s true.”

“No, yeah, you’re right.” 

Dustin catches the slip in Steve’s attitude almost immediately. “Hey, they’re good, okay? I don’t think you’re a total dick, if that means anything. You’re trying and that’s what matters, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, we will. Thanks, Henderson.”

Dustin gives Steve a winning smile. This kid could rule the world, he thinks. 

“Anytime,” Harrington. He lifts his hand up, awaiting a fist bump that Steve returns without a second thought. 

————

You wander down the trail of raw meat you’ve found, not bothering to even question what's happening or where the meat came from. Frankly, you don’t really want to know. 

At the end of your path, you catch a glimpse of familiar curls, even if they are crushed under the red brim of a hat. 

“Dustin?”

The boy practically gives himself whiplash turning around to face you. 

“Holy shit, I’m so glad you’re here. It’ll be nice to have someone older than me who’s not a total pain in the ass.”

“Hey, I heard that.” 

The voice pulls your attention away from Dustin. When you look up, Steve Harrington is walking out of the biggest vehicle in this abandoned lot: a school bus. He’s wiping his hands on his jeans and pushing the ends of his sleeves up.

Dustin looks at you. “You guys have to be acquaintances at the least, right?”

You nod at him, feeling your face burn. If there’s a word for a less-than-acquaintance, you don’t know it. But that’s probably where your relationship with this boy lies. King Steve isn’t really someone you just miss. 

But yeah, you know him. You know he’s a dick. 

“Hi.” Steve pushes his sunglasses up into his hair and crosses his arms. 

“Hi.”

You only look at him for a moment before your eyes are back on Dustin. The younger boy notices the tension radiating from you, and honestly, he gets it. Steve Harrington wasn’t exactly the person he’d planned on spending his day with, but here he was. Desperate times call for desperate measures or whatever.

“So what are we doing?” You ask.

Dustin puts his thumbs underneath the straps of his backpack, bouncing on the balls of his feet a little. “It’s a long story. Best if we talk while we work.”

You roll your eyes at him, but follow the thirteen-year-old wherever he wants to go. You’re not sure you could deny Dustin Henderson anything. 

————

You watch as Max, a young girl you’ve just met, stomps up the steps of the ladder you’ve rigged inside the mess of a bus that you’re camped out in. 

Your chest aches because what Dustin just said to her was rude, it was rude, and you can’t believe the two of them. You sit, arms crossed and leg shaking up and down, glaring at Steve.

You find it hard to believe that after everything you’ve learned tonight, about Dart, about Mews—which you’re never going to get over because you only visit Dustin’s house for his cat, never him—that this is what they’re doing now.

“That’s good,” Steve says. “Just show her you don’t care.” 

Dustin is pacing, hands deep in his pockets. “I don’t,” he breathes.

Steve winks. Watching the two of them is like watching a tennis match. You don’t even like tennis.

“Why are you winking, Steve?” 

You drag your hand down your face, sick of hearing this stupid ass conversation. When Dustin sits, the constant clink of metal where Steve keeps flicking his lighter open over and over starts to give you a headache. 

“Fuck, Steve, would you quit it already?” 

He scoffs, snapping the lid to his Zippo closed harder than he had been before. “What’s your problem?”

“You’re pissing me off, that’s my problem.”

Steve’s brow furrows. He doesn’t really understand the sudden need for aggression. 

“Is this really the time for you to be yelling at me?”

“Is this really the time for you to be a dick?”

Dustin jerks the antenna on his walkie down, clearly sick of the two of you. “Would you children stop bickering? This is a life or death situation we have going on here.”

“I’d prefer death,” you proclaim. 

Dustin glares at you. “I can arrange that if you’d really rather die, than act civil for one evening.”

“I think all of the civility,” you gesture vaguely with your hands, “went out the window when you asked me to come help fight demo-dogs.”

Steve snorts at your words, and you glare at him, an “oh, is that funny?” look on your face. 

Dustin rearranges the hat on his head, stuffing his curls underneath it once again. “Alright. I’m gonna go check on our status, you two…work shit out, okay?”

“Dude,” Steve starts, “I’m older than you. I don’t have to listen to your instructions.” He gestures vaguely with his hands.

Dustin flips him off, and that’s the only response Steve receives, leaving the two of you alone in the bus.

You remain quiet, hoping that if you do you might just disappear or dissolve into the cracked leather of the seat you're sitting on. Then there really wouldn’t be any form of confrontation.

Steve starts flipping the lid to his Zippo open and shut repeatedly again, but this time it doesn’t annoy you. In fact, it gives you something to focus on, and you know that if you had one you’d be doing the same exact thing. 

You wonder if he’s nervous. Or just bored. 

Your knee begins to bounce when you realize that he’s looking at you, that he’s stopped messing with the lighter. But you refuse to look back, staring instead at the way the moonlight glints off of the metal in between his fingers. 

“So what’s your problem with me?”

The way Steve says those words is so unlike the way he’s spoken the rest of the day, the way he’s behaved with Dustin, that you feel a pang in your chest. 

He sounds like he used to. 

“Did you even hear that? How conceded you just sounded? Like it’s funny that I might have a problem with you, king Steve?”

Obviously the use of his nickname hits a nerve. He shoves the lighter back into his pocket and sits up, tucking his hands under his knees. 

“Would you just cut the shit and tell me what your problem is then?”

You sit up, matching his stance. There’s a part of you that wants to piss him off. You ache for it. 

“You’re a dick, that’s my problem.”

Steve scoffs. 

“That’s it? Like I don’t already know that?”

You roll your eyes, oblivious to the fact that all three of the younger kids you’re with have their heads hung over the escape latch in the top of the bus, listening eagerly. 

“You think I’m just gonna put up with you, Harrington? I’m sorry, did you forget the slut shaming you and your shitty friends did publicly last fall? Because I sure as hell didn’t. I didn’t forget that you walk around like you fucking own the entirety of Hawkins because you’re swimming in daddy’s money. I didn’t forget that your girlfriend took my best friend away from me.”

You stop, and Steve just looks at you. You realize how heavy you’re breathing and subconsciously watch the steady movement of his chest, trying to match the pace and calm down. You hadn’t meant to get worked up like that. But sometimes…sometimes shit just happens. 

Steve sighs. Honestly he feels a little sick. And he could argue with you some more, say that you don’t know what you’re talking about, that that’s the past, that he’s getting better. But that feels shallow. It feels meaningless. Because he knows it’s true. That in worrying about only himself or getting the girl or impressing whoever, he hurt loads more people than he realized. 

It’s such bullshit, he thinks. This life he’s been living.

“You know, I’ve gotten plenty of earfuls about my actions from Dustin, I promise you that much. He can be very mean.” 

You snort, considering there’s absolutely no denying that. “He’s a smart kid.” 

Steve nods. He’s trying to think of a way to respond. He’s not good with words. 

“Look, I-I know I’m a dick, okay?” he starts. You decide to be brave and look at him. He seems to like that. The eye contact. It’s like it lets him know you’re paying attention. He doesn’t get a lot of that, not away from school. 

“The thing with Nancy,” he gestures with his hands, looking away from you and at the wall of the bus, like it hurts him to talk about or something. “I don’t know. My solution to not getting what I wanted was apparently to take it out on her. Tommy H. proposed the idea, and I didn’t stop it.”

“You know I cleaned it off, right?” he continues. 

You uncross your arms and sit up, criss crossing your legs instead. “No. I didn’t know that.”

“It’s okay. It’s not like I broadcasted the information across Hawkins. Tommy and Carol don’t even know.”

Oh. The fact that they didn’t know tells you that he did it without needed recognition. He did it because he wanted to.

“I just—she saw it. And then there was the whole thing…”

You start to grin before you catch yourself, but he sees it. 

“It’s okay, you can laugh. I got the shit beat out of me.”

“You deserved it.”

He can’t argue with that. He won’t argue with it. “You’re right. I did. I said and did a lot that day that I regret.”

You nod, and then you’re both just looking at one another. It’s quiet out here, the same quiet you get at home, where you can hear the crickets, where you know there will be lightning bugs in the warmer months, free to roam uninterrupted by human activity. 

Steve pushes his hair from his forehead, and though he sees you track the movement of his hand, he doesn’t point it out.

“What did you mean about your friend?”

If you’re being honest with yourself, you hadn’t intended for that to come out, but being in such close proximity to Steve in this moment had just made everything spill out. 

You try to wave him off. “That was a whole thing. I didn’t mean to spill my guts like that.”

“No, it’s okay, I want to know. If you want to tell me, that is.”

You nod, chewing at your thumb nail now. Steve has the urge to reach forward and pull it free so you won’t hurt yourself, but he doesn’t. Instead he stays still and quiet, watching you contemplate a while. 

Eventually he decides to keep going. 

“I’m trying, you know,” he tells you. You look up and it gives him that little push to continue speaking. “To be better. I know you think I’m a total dick, and you’re not wrong, I know that, but I really am trying to be better. To be a good influence on those little shits.” He quirks his head upwards where he knows all three of his charges are eavesdropping, without a doubt. 

You take a second and look at him. Really look at him. He seems to carry himself differently, though it’s not something you’d notice if you weren’t looking. He’s not dressed like his mommy picked out his outfit. He looks messy. The mess draws you in. 

“I believe you. And I-I know I shouldn’t stereotype you, but it’s just—”

“I am a walking stereotype,” Steve grins. So do you.

“Yeah. I guess so. But I believe that you’re working on it. I suppose some people don’t remain assholes forever.”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, though a little distracted. You still haven’t told you what you meant, but that’s not what’s really bugging him. 

There’s this pull inside him. This longing for a friend. A real friend. Not someone he knows just because their dads were up each other's asses, or someone he just sits with at lunch because they’re of the same status quo. 

And he just feels so alone right now. What with Nancy, this girl he thought he was in love with and everything, but clearly she doesn’t feel the same. What’s he even supposed to do with that? Did he ever actually know anything about her? 

It doesn’t matter. 

What matters is that he’s sitting here with you, hanging out with thirteen-year-olds and hiding from creatures Steve’s brain can’t even begin to decipher. 

“Barb,” you say. Steve panicked a little internally at the mention of her name, considering. But he keeps his eyes on you, focused on each word that leaves your mouth. “She was my best friend, in middle school that is.”

He nods. Oh. Oh. 

“We were still close when we got to high school, had a little group and everything, right? And even though high school kinda fucks everything up, I didn’t want to believe that would happen to our little partnership, you know?” 

He nods again, trying his best to pay attention. He’s trying harder than he ever has in school. He probably shouldn’t ever say that out loud.

“Anyways, she was my best friend. She was all I knew, and then we got to lovely Hawkins High, and she met Nancy. Nancy and I never really clicked, even when we tried. I guess it’s because I’ve always thought she was a pretentious bitch—sorry, Steve—but I don’t know. We just fell apart after that.”

“So Barb had Nancy and I had…no one. And the way my brain saw it was Nancy took my best friend from me, and then Nancy started seeing you, and so I saw those two from across the cafeteria, lounging with the popular kids. With you. And then she died.”

Steve is looking at you in a way he’s never looked at you before. Like he’s in awe of you. And it’s not anything negative. It’s warm. Understanding. Like something you’ve said has straightened something out in his brain, sorted something he couldn’t figure out on his own. 

“S-so it was like we took her from you, in a way?” he asks. 

“Yeah. And you didn’t. God, you didn’t. But it just felt like this…” you trail off, searching for the right words.

“Domino effect?”

“Yeah! Yeah. Exactly. And it’s not your fault, not at all. But I guess I already saw you as some dickish rich kid and that gave me another reason to stay the fuck away from you. And now that I’m saying it out loud I realize how awful it sounds because people change, you know?”

“No, I get it. I’ve been an asshole, and I’m sure I still am—Dustin can attest to that—but there are rich assholes that don’t change or probably won’t ever change. I know a few of them.”

You go quiet again. Steve doesn’t want you to stop talking. He’s starting to think he likes the sound of your voice. 

“It’s good that you’re changing, Steve. I’m sorry I said you were such a dick.”

A breathy laugh leaves his throat. “It’s okay, I promise. I’m sorry for…everything.”

“Maybe we can make a truce or something. Start over. It’s not like we really know each other that well anyhow.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s cool. Whatever you want.” He means that. He thinks he’d do whatever you wanted him to. 

“Okay. Maybe we can just try and figure it out.”

“I’d like that,” Steve says. He stops himself from proclaiming that he wants to try and fix this with you. Because you’re listening to him. You’re not mad. He doesn’t want you to disappear on him after this. 

You give him a small smile and he swears he might cry. Not that that feeling lasts. 

“Hey!” Dustin is leaning down into the bus, hands clasped together. “I’m so glad we’ve got this handled, but we’ve got a code red, so let’s get this show on the road, yeah?”

————

June 1985

The door to the back room swings open, a frazzled boy rushing in. You drop your candy wrapper on the table, and Robin keeps talking about the girl that you missed coming in this morning. She was “such a babe.”  

“Hello?” Steve stands in front of the both of you, hands on his hips. You have to fight back a laugh. 

Your eyes find Steve’s immediately, and you swear they soften, but maybe you’re imagining it. You nudge Robin’s leg where your foot is propped up on one of the supports under her chair. 

She stops flailing and looks up, seeing Steve’s hand raised where he’d been about to snap to get her attention. She quirks a brow. “Don’t you snap at me, Harrington! This is important shit.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Could you two come and help me? I’m dying out here!”

It’s one of the hottest days of the year, and Scoops has had a line since it opened at ten. 

You look at your watch. “My shift doesn’t start for…fifteen minutes.” He rolls his eyes at you, though the gesture is void of any malice it could possibly hold. 

“Yeah, well this is supposed to be my break, so get out there, Buckley!”

She stands, though she’s pouting. “Come on.”

“You took the job,” he says, shoving her through the door. Robin gives him a look that you can’t see, but you can practically feel it from across the small room. 

Steve lets out an exaggerated sigh, ripping off the hat he’s been wearing and throwing it on the table in front of you. 

You watch him rummage through a bag before he emerges from its depths with a banana and throws himself down in the chair across from you, lifting your leg up from where you’d moved it to occupy the seat Robin had abandoned. His hand is warm on the bare skin of your calf, and he shifts the chair some, laying your leg across both of his. 

“Steve.”

“Huh?” He peels the banana, aggressively fast actually, and rips off a chunk, popping it into his mouth. 

“Why do you have a banana?” 

He meets your eyes. “Snack, duh.” He chews, and then gestures at the closed window. “Been working up a sweat out there I think I deserve a break.”

You grin at him, and he feels like he might hit the floor. 

“Want some?” Steve pulls off a chunk and holds it out to you. 

“Did you wash your hands?”

He gasps, mid-chew, and forces himself to swallow. “D-did I—yes, I washed my hands, mom, I’m not four.”

“Eh,” Robin’s voice breaks your little bubble. She’s pulled the window open–that way she can eavesdrop– propping herself up on her elbows. 

That makes you laugh, and when you smile your cheek is full of banana and Steve swears something is breaking inside of him. 

“Gang up on me then why don’t you,” he says, handing you the last piece he’s got left. He tosses the peel in the trash, “what do you want anyhow, Robin?” 

“Your break is up, and her shift has started. Let’s get to slinging ice cream, shitheads!”

You wipe your hands on your shorts and hop up. Steve doesn’t move, just looks at you. 

“C’mon, Steven. It’ll be lunch sooner than later.”

He grins. His eyes look tired and you wonder if he slept any last night. He told you once recently that he doesn’t always sleep well, that sometimes he has to listen to tapes in order to keep his head from being so busy, to keep the thoughts from being so loud. 

Steve has told you a lot since last fall. There’s a significant bit more that you know that’s more than what he’s given Robin, but you know he’ll let her in. He just needs the time. 

Though sometimes you think he might be giving you everything. The parts of himself he’s never shown anyone else. Because you’ve been such a good listener, and Steve’s never really had that before. 

He wishes he had the balls to tell you more. But he can’t fuck it up this time. Not with you. You’re too good.

Steve is your best friend now. You know that. He knows it.

If yourself from a year ago could see you now, she’d probably knock your fucking teeth in. But he’s just so much more than you thought. You’re not sure you’ll ever forgive yourself for not thinking there could be more in him, though he’s told you not to be upset. You’ve told him the same when he berates himself for not having paid you more attention in school.

It’s the past. You can’t live there. And today, you’re scooping ice cream for pre-sticky kids, for shitty pay, but it doesn’t matter because you have him. You have Robin. 

You stick out your hand, and Steve takes it without a second thought. His palm engulfs yours, skin warm and a little calloused. 

“We can watch whatever you want tonight.”

He squeezes your hand. You and Robin are supposed to have a sleepover with him tonight. He suggested he sleep in a guest room and you two have his bed, but Robin said she needs to be cuddled. You said you’re not letting him sleep anywhere but his bed. 

“I thought you wanted to watch Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”

“I always wanna watch that. But you can pick first, Stevie.”

Stevie. His stomach flips at that. You don’t let it out often, but when you do it’s like Steve might just die right there. 

He straightens, deal clearly made, and you pull him up–not that you need to. 

You push through the door with him, and immediately regret it. It’s like the soccer moms can smell your fear, and you know it. 

“Breathe,” Steve says. “Dustin’s here.”

He is. The entire party. That you can deal with. 

You think you could deal with an absurd line and angry mothers for the rest of your life if it meant assembling Dustin and Lucas’ weird orders. Even if you have to endure Will’s questioning looks and his pleas that you bring some ice cream home. If you have to listen to Robin’s word vomit.

If it meant spending time with Steve, you’d do it. 

God, how shit changes.

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

[saylor-twift]

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people…”

genshin characters i feel would be swifties!!

if you think i’m wrong, i do not care. 🩷

warnings: none (idk how this tag stuff works)

#1: Navia (obviously)

• One of my favorite parts of Fontaine’s release is how everyone went nuts when she came out especially on tiktok bc she gives such Taylor vibes. Navia Swift fr.

• The type of girlie who stays up till midnight whenever a new album is released so she can listen the second it comes out

• She def gives fearless and 1989 vibes, i firmly believe they are her favorite

• Her favorite songs are Style and You Belong With Me. You cannot tell me she doesn’t freak tf out whenever they play on the radio.

• She would absolutely have a taylor baking playlist for while she makes her signature macarons

#2: Nilou

• Listen to me when I say all dancers are inherently swifties (i’m joking plz calm down)

• As a former competitive dancer:

taylor swift across the floor is >>>

• She absolutely loves dancing to taylor!!

• I feel like she’s be a speak now and 1989 girlie. also definitely appreciates midnights! (i might only feel this way because she was released roughly the same time as midnights was and i just associate two and two together?? anyways..)

• If they went, I just know her and Navia would have the most gorgeous fits for the eras tour

• the type of girl to stay in the studio after rehearsal is over, just practicing and dancing for fun. she loves to improv and make combos, especially to taylor. (imagine her dancing to epiphany??? like?? absolutely stunning)

#3: Xingqiu

• just stay with me now- i don’t feel like he listens to her a ton, but since he’s such a little bookworm i feel like he loves her songs and lyrics with deeper meaning to them

• 100% a folklore/evermore/tortured poets kinda guy

• he’s the type of person who hyper analyzes the lyrics and deciphers all of the hidden meanings.

• he is no singer, but he has definitely tried his hand at writing taylor-esque lyrics in his free time.

• HUUUUGE fan of the folklore teenage love triangle

• #1 john mayer hater

• also definitely stans any songs that make fun of her exes

#4: Barbara

• now i would just be crazy if i didn’t put her here

• taylor was definitely one of her big inspirations for starting to sing

• makes covers of her favorite songs and likes to perform them along with her own originals

• i feel like she’d really be a fan of taylor’s older albums, specifically fearless and red (her fav song is 100% all too well 10 minute version)

• imagine jean and barbara sister bonding time while they do each others hair and listen to their favorite songs together! ughhhh so cute

• i also feel like jean is a taylor appreciator, but doesn’t talk about it much because she feels as the acting grand master she doesn’t really have the time for things like that

#5: Ayaka

• Similar to Xingqiu, I don’t feel like she’s an avid listener, but we know that Ayaka also enjoys poetry so i feel like she would really enjoy taylor’s lyricism

• loves songs like the archer and this is me trying (probably doesn’t tell anyone because sweetie is embarrassed, but i think she really likes some of the songs that are a little more sultry or flirtatious like dress and false god)

• after a long day of wearing her mask and presenting herself as inazuma’s noble lady like everyone expects, she loves to just relax in her room and listen to her faves :)

• yk those tiktok’s that are like: you’re pretty, pretty like (insert song)? she gives me that vibe but wildest dreams

Bonus: Itto

hard to say if he’s actually a swiftie or not, but i just think it’s funny because he reminds me of those videos of post malone dancing on stage with guilty as sin? in the background and he would totally do that 💀 i have a whole collection saved they are so funny to me

[ohdorothea]

If you’d like to send in interpretations or propaganda for a specific song you can send them to my inbox! All interpretations are welcome and let’s be open and kind in response to all interpretations <3

This tournament is being run by and for queer fans so please keep that in mind! Homophobes will be blocked on sight <3 More polls here and more info and lyrics for the songs under the cut!

The question is which song is queerer to you! Queerer can mean whatever you want it to mean; you might consider a song queer because you think it was written that way, or because of Swiftian lore. It might be queer to you because of how you relate it to your own life. Maybe you think from a purely literary standpoint the lyrics have queer themes; maybe you're just thinking about vibes

🫶🫶🫶

A Place In This World lyrics

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me

'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out

Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking

Trying to see through the rain coming down

Even though I'm not the only one

Who feels the way I do

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know

I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on

Oh, I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans

And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve

Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine

Could you tell me what more do I need

And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah

But that's OK

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know

I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on

Oh, I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission

But I'm ready to fly

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know

I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on

Oh I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know

Oh I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in this world

Oh I'm just a girl

Oh I'm just a girl, oh, oh

Oh I'm just a girl

I’m Only Me When I'm With You lyrics

Friday night beneath the stars

In a field behind your yard

You and I are paintin' pictures in the sky

And sometimes we don't say a thing

Just listen to the crickets sing

Everything I need is right here by my side

And I know everything about you

I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only tryna let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl

Livin' in a crazy world

Tryna figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears

My secrets or my deepest fears

Through it all nobody gets me like you do

And you know everything about me

You say that you can't live without me

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only tryna let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

When I'm with anybody else

It's so hard to be myself

And only you can tell

...That I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only tryna let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me

Who I wanna be

Well, I'm only me when I'm with you

With you

[h3xa413a]

Songs i think certain Genshin characters would listen to / fit them !! hcs

(this is assuming they have access to modern day music) includes links to the songs! formatting is probably weird bc I’m on mobile :(

a/n: this whole post is just semi comprehensive rambling

Furina 🍰:

Okay I’m gonna give her two just because I love her. 1st one “Chocolate Love” by Girls Generation. I’m sorry I just see her as a kpop girlie 😭 I can’t really describe why I think she’d like the song besides the fact it has ‘chocolate’ in the name. (also ik what the actual lyrics mean by idc!!) And the 2nd one is “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper. My reasoning behind this is because Furina just wants to have fun!! And if anyone disagrees that she wouldn’t like it… ur wrong!! /hj

Lyney 🪄:

Okay I KNOW the popular choice is “Circus” by Britney Spears. But personally whenever I listen to “The Magic” by Lola Blanc, I think of him. This is not to say the first song doesn’t fit him, because it does but the second song is terribly underrated and i really want to see edits of him to “The Magic” ☹️

Neuvillette 🦦:

“The World We Knew” by Frank Sinatra. Look this is the song was mainly chosen because it makes me think of Neuvfuri and because every single classical song has like 20 words in the title 🤬 Anyways I’d like to think Neuvi plays 30s-60s music while relaxing and doing paperwork, along with classical music too of course. Old man vibes 👴🏻

Xinyan 🎸:

“Bring Me To Life” by Evanescence. I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE LOVES EVANESCENCE !!! Xinyan loves rock n roll, but you wanna know what she loves more??? A female fronted band. Xinyan for president ‼️🗳️ She would would definitely try and learn all their songs on her guitar. Tbh i think she would like 99% of their discography. I just chose the most popular song 💀

Dottore 💉:

“Puttin’ on the ritz” by Taco. Hear me out, he would totally play this song and dance a little while moving around in his laboratory. Sometimes when he’s feeling particularly good/excited he’ll sing along when he’s torturing experimenting on someone. Lmao imagine him torturing someone and he tells them to stop screaming so he can hear the song 😭

[iovetooru]

Part 8 - fucked up

m.list

now playing “rosa pastel” by belanova..

The music was loud, and the house was packed with people. The place was full of familiar faces and laughter. It felt like old times, and you were glad to see everyone again.

Makki was the first to greet you guys , pulling both of you into a hug. "Hey you two! It’s been so long"

“Way too long” you agreed with a smile, feeling a wave of nostalgia.

The night went on, and you found yourself having a good time. You talked with friends, caught up on life, and shared memories from high school. It was nice to be back with people who knew you so well.

Oikawa stayed close, and you felt comfortable with him. And for a moment, everything felt just right.

You were talking to Iwaizumi and some others. The conversation was light, full of jokes and memories.

"You and Oikawa seem to be doing well" Iwaizumi observed with a smile.

Y/N shrugged, feeling a warmth spread through you. "We’re trying, It’s nice to be back in touch you know?"

Iwaizumi nodded “I’m happy for you guys”

-

As the night went on, you started to feel tired. You decided it was time to leave. Excusing yourself from the conversation, You went to find Oikawa.

Wandering through the house, you spotted Oikawa in the living room, but he wasn’t alone. A girl was with him, laughing and touching his arm in a way that seemed too close.

Your heart sank, and a knot formed in your stomach. For a moment, you just stood there, staring, unable to believe what you were seeing.

Oikawa noticed you were watching and quickly stepped away from the girl, a look of surprise on his face. But you turned and walked away, heading outside.

-

The night air was cool, but you barely noticed. Your mind was racing with thoughts and emotions. Oikawa soon followed, looking concerned.

“Y/N wait” Oikawa called out, catching up

You stopped, turning to face him with frustration and hurt clear in your eyes. “What the fuck was that oikawa?”

“It’s not what it looked like” Oikawa said quickly, trying to explain. “She’s just a friend.”

“Just a friend?” disbelief in your voice. “It sure as hell didn’t look like that.”

Oikawa sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I promise it was nothing. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

You shook your head, anger boiling over. “You know, this is exactly the kind of shit I was afraid of. I didn’t want to go through this again.”

“Y/N please just listen” Oikawa pleaded, desperation in his voice.

“No, I’m done listening to excuses” you shot back, your voice rising with emotion. “I thought things were different now, but I was wrong.”

Oikawa took a step closer, trying to reach out, but you pulled back. “I’m sorry okay? I messed up, but it didn’t mean anything. I should’ve been more careful.”

You looked away, feeling tears prick in your eyes. “This is why we broke up in the first place oikawa. I can’t keep doing this.”

Oikawa’s expression softened, regret written all over his face. “I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Well, you should’ve thought of that before” you said, your voice wavering.

The argument hung heavy in the air, both of them standing there, unsure of what to say next. Finally, you turned away, unable to face him any longer.

“I need some space” you muttered, walking away into the night.

Oikawa watched you go, feeling the weight of his mistakes pressing down on him. The night had taken a turn neither of you guys expected, you guys no longer had a future.

• “todo acabo no queda mas” — “And it’s all over, there’s nothing left” “Seremos dos extraños” — “We’ll be two strangers” “Yo te olvidaré me olvidarás” — “I’ll forget you and you’ll forget me” “Hasta nunca” — “Until never”

•that’s the translation for the lyrics shown :)

•another angst part!! 🥳

•I just love angst as you can tell

•but can someone give me a round of a applause for the amazing song choice??

•rosa pastel you will always be popular

taglist: @phoenix-eclipses @gsyche @jaynawayna @jojo-buttercup @staygoldsquatchling02

[bellrocsgf]

Random Jason hcs

Random Jason Headcanons

Disclaimers: rawr

Doesn’t sleep. Jason needs sleep yes but no, he will stay awake until his body physically cannot take anymore and passes out. He is v work oriented and when he’s focused on something you cannot take him off it. Sometimes his friends try to forcefully make him sleep but Jason’s a biter (the little rascal innit)

He is TERRIFIED of dogs, FR if he sees a dog he pretends to be calm but walks away very quickly however if the dog chases him… ZOOMMMM- Jason will climb a tree, jump on a car, whatever the f—k to get away from that short legged dinosaur. Never seen a child murderer beg for forgiveness quicker gadayummmm. He avoids smile dog like the plague ✌️

LJ, Candy Pop, Nathan The Nobody and Puppeteer are like his chosen family. LJ is the only person Jason feels could ever understand him. Nathan and Pup like the brothers he never had and Candy Pop is one of his biggest inspirations when he has art block (i’m a sucker for family wholesem stuff 😭)

Jason listens to Lana Del Rey (cannot tell me i’m wrong), Melanie Martinez and Mother Mother mainly, he also has a secret love for Jazmin Bean. He loves light sounding songs that have really messed up meanings, like it sounds like a lullaby but the lyrics would be so horrible (in a sad way) it makes you physically uncomfortable.

Happy Tree Friends, he loves it… if you know you know 😊

Jason surprisingly doesn’t like sweet food that much, almost all sweets or pastry’s are just too sickly for him, he’s a very picky eater

Jason is the biggest gossip every omg, if one person knows something somehow he knows to and now everyone knows. could not be caught dead with his nose in the right place. Your secrets are not safe, Jason is always the drama babes

[trblsvt]

★ my favorite lyrics + seventeen

pairing | ot13 x fem!reader genre | angst, hurt comfort (?), fluff (if you squint?) warnings | references to sex/suggestive, swearing, situationships! ALSDKJ, toxic relationships, actual breakups, heartbreak, and relationship angst, cheating/infidelity (?) in one section (it’s a first date, but someone gets distracted), alcohol consumption min | lowercase intended. and honestly i say fem!reader but i don’t think i used any pronouns that indicate gender identity. (keeping the tag to stay safe). some (most if not all) of these songs came from my top 100 songs of last year. and most of these are kind of sad... sorry

choi seungcheol “you're scared to be lonely, 'specially in the night. i'm scared that i'll miss you, happens every time” - die for you by the weeknd

you just didn’t get it, he thought to himself. you were looking for something that he couldn’t give you, or something he didn’t know how to give you. he couldn’t stop thinking about the way your eyes were welling up after he told you that he wasn’t trying to gain anything else from the relationship. 

“so this is all i mean to you? just a thing to use when you’re bored?” you asked, quietly. it appeared that had taken every ounce of fire out of you. 

of course not, he thought. i’d do anything for you.

“yes,” he confirmed. why did i say that? he thought again.

“get out of my house, choi seungcheol.”

ouch. you knew he hated being called his full name, especially by you. he remembered when you did it jokingly and he held that stupid pout on his lips for almost two hours. (that is until you went over to him and planted kisses all over his face). 

he didn’t understand what was so wrong with what the two of you had going on. he thought you were happy. it worked out great. together, but not actually together. after the first time he spent the night, he realized how strong his feelings for you were. they were so far beyond anything he had ever felt before. now how was he supposed to explain that to you. 

“no,” he said simply. 

“i don’t want to see you anymore, seungcheol, so leave!” you yelled at him. “i’ve wanted more from you ever since i met you, but now i can see that’s something you’ve never wanted.”

“that’s not true.”

“then tell me, seungcheol! what am i missing? because you just told me i’ve been nothing but your plaything while i was putting my heart in your hands.”

“i’m scared that i’ll miss you too much.”

you froze.

“i’m so scared that if i give myself to you, the way you deserve, it’ll just hurt more when you realize that i’m not the one for you. i can barely think when i’m away from you. i don’t think i’ll be able to breathe if i’m actually with you. i miss you so much just when i leave after every night. i don’t know how to give you what you want. i don’t even know where to start. i’m sorry.” he didn’t know when he started crying, but he was. he diverted his gaze to the floor. his heart wouldn’t only hurt more if he looked at you. his heart would hurt and he’d only miss you more when you told him to leave again. so he was surprised when he felt your hands come up and wipe his tears away. “then try,” you mumbled softly. “try.”

yoon jeonghan “and the funny thing is i would've married you if you'd have stuck around” - doomsday by lizzy mcalpine

there you were. as beautiful as the day when he last saw you. you were just sitting there reading at a table in the local cafe the two of you frequented when you were together. “jeonghan?” you asked, standing up from your place.

shit. was he staring?

“hi, ___,” he finally responded. 

“i knew you looked familiar,” you laughed, and he wished he could keep it forever. “i see that you’re growing your hair out again, it looks nice.” 

“thanks.” he would never change his hairstyle ever again. 

“come sit, it’s been a while.”

so he sat.

he sat and he listened as you talked. how you finished your degree. how you finally bought an apartment that you actually liked. how you got that dog you always wanted. how you got promoted at work. and how you had a great new boyfriend, and that said boyfriend was meeting you in the next fifteen to twenty minutes. “so what about you, jeonghan? how’s work? how’s joshua? i bet you have all the ladies after you,” you joked.

he could say it. he could say that he was still so deeply in love with you. he could say “i love you” over and over again to make up for the times when he didn’t. he could say that he wanted you to break up with your boyfriend. he could say that he hasn’t been able to find someone else without comparing them to you in every way possible. he could even say that he wished every night that he was the one in your dreams in the same way you were in his. 

yet, he didn’t, not after what he did. it would be wildly inappropriate to tell you that, especially when you seemed so happy without him. so all he said was, “oh you know me, pretty average. it was really nice to catch up with you.”

you gave him a look, and he somehow knew he was busted. “i don’t hate you for what you did, jeonghan. know that, alright? we were both a bit too immature for one another. i would’ve married you in heartbeat though, even if it meant you left me with all your broken pieces,” you sighed. “i loved you, jeonghan.”

loved.

“and i’m certain you will find someone who loves you as much as i did you.”

but i love you.

“thank you, ___. truly,” was all he said, but wasn’t what he wanted to say. 

hong joshua “and i'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all i've ever had. yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back. do you love me, want me, hate me?” - 1 step forward, 3 steps back by olivia rodrigo

“clearly i’ve wasted my time my time on you,” you finally said. that shut him up. “you can’t possibly mean that,” he stammered, but the blank look on your face told him otherwise.

“i can’t be the only person invested in this relationship, joshua!” you sighed.

“who said you were?” you scoffed at that. joshua had been wildly absent from your relationship, opting to hang out with friends playing basketball, eating out, watching movies. really doing anything except be with you. “well it sure fucking feels like, joshua,” you grumbled.

“what did you say?” he sounded angry, but the look on his face looked more confused than anything. damn his face. damn that perfect smile. damn those kind eyes that kept you crawling back to him even if he stood you up for the third time that week. “i said it feels like i’m the only person putting anything into this relationship. when you told me that you wanted to go beyond just fucking i really believed you, and i was actually excited about getting to put an actual label on whatever we had. but now, i don’t fucking know how to act around you. you stood me up at least three times last week, and i-”

“what do you want from me, ___? i showed up tuesday night and we watched all the movies you wanted, didn’t we?” he interrupted. 

unbelievable.

“yeah, and then when you said we could hang out on friday night you suddenly ditched me. not only that, seungcheol told me you guys went to play basketball on friday and proceeded to go out to dinner afterwards,” you huffed. “it’s like we make some sort of progress in this - this - whatever this is - and then you do something that sets us back!”

“god, do you need to be with me all the fucking time. you’re so clingy,” he grumbled under his breath, but you heard him.

“clingy? i’m only upset because you said you were going to be there. you said you were free and that you wanted to hang out. i’m upset because you don’t even give me the simple courtesy of saying ‘oh hey i’m sorry something came up’ or ‘i actually can’t, i had plans with the guys.’ but no, i don’t hear anything from you. to think i actually love you. fuck you, hong,” you spat, grabbing your things and heading out his door before he could stop you. 

“wait! love? you love me? ___!” he called after you, but you were over it. despite how much it hurt your heart to leave behind his stupid laugh, his stupid music taste, and his stupid eyes that you’re quite sure you probably won’t get over. 

ironically enough, that was the first time you said “i love you,” and probably the last.

wen junhui 请快回来 想听你说说你还在 “please come back quickly, i want to hear from you that you are still there” - unbreakable love by eric chou

he knew you were sick of waiting around for him. work was hard and so was maintaining a relationship. a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. when he began going away for extended periods of time you always called or texted when you were about to go to sleep or when you woke up in the morning. 

then he started going away more. 

he was around less.

couldn’t call you back as often as he once did.

then you started contacting him less. 

the messages that held the run-downs about your days became infrequent and then rare. he reached out too, but calls and messages were brief. he began wondering what he was even trying for anymore. his friend, minghao, began to notice this. he noticed jun frowning at his phone more, or he looked more anxious by the end of the day like he was running late to something.

he knew you were probably busy. he couldn’t expect you to wait around for his calls, but his brain told him otherwise. it told him that maybe you were tired of waiting around for him. 

he was sitting in minghao’s hotel room eating some lame takeout for the nth time this week. minghao could tell that jun was not focused on his meal or in the conversation they were having. “you should probably just call ___,” minghao suggested.

“what if, what if it’s a bad time?” jun countered, a weak defense.

“just call, wimp. worst case scenario: leave a voicemail,” minghao shrugged. 

“fine. see you tomorrow.”

“you owe me for the food.”

“yeah, yeah.”

jun made his way back to his own hotel room and pulled up your contact. “just do it,” he grumbled and pressed call. he sat down on his bed as he listened to the ringing. on the fifth ring you picked up. there was loud music in the back with muffled voices. “jun? hey, babe,” you yelled.

“hi, ___. i was just checking in to see how you’re doing. i’m coming back home next week,” he sighed, feeling a bit more at ease.

“that’s great, junnie! i’m looking forward to it.” you sounded absentminded. “am i interrupting something?” he asked.

“oh, well, it’s my friend’s birthday party and she’s going a bit off the rails. can i call you back later?” you explained as lightly as possible. you knew how he got about this kind of stuff. “oh yeah, totally. you should’ve told me earlier, i don’t want to interrupt your fun. have fun,” he said pulling the phone down from his ear, not hearing how you paused and tried to call out to him.

so you do have better things to be doing. he understood. you were your own person, but it had been so long since he had even spoken to you. maybe you didn’t want to wait around anymore. then he saw all the posts that you shared of you out having fun, without him. you looked happier. he dwelled on it for longer than he should’ve. 

he dwelled on it for another three hours and then his phone rang. he picked it up without looking at the caller id. “hello?” he answered.

“jun, are you okay? you hung up so abruptly back there. i just got back home,” you asked, you sounded concerned. 

“do you still want to be with me?” 

“what - yes. why would you ask?” you sputtered. never once did you have a doubt in your relationship with jun. you understood that it was hard, with him being away and all, but you would always be around to wait for him. “i don’t want to make you feel like you’re waiting for nothing. i leave for weeks, come back for one, and leave for three more,” he sighed. “i don’t want to weigh you down.” 

“do you think a little distance is going to break us, jun?” you chuckled.

“i don’t know! just either be there when i get home or tell me you can’t wait around any longer,” he cried. it was disheartening to hear him like this. you never wanted anything more than him. the type of love you had with jun was beautiful and it would cross seas if necessary. 

“i’ll be here for as long as you want me, jun. now, come home quickly. i miss you.” 

kwon soonyoung “you only call me on the weekend. you only love me when we freakin'” - the weekend by bibi

you were trying to slip out unnoticed. soonyoung had passed out essentially right after the two of you cleaned up. he had insisted that you should stay the night. you tried to refuse, but the way he looked so tired and sweet when he basically begged you to lie down in his arms. 

and you were weak, so you did.

except, when he fell asleep in the crook of your neck you were still wide awake. you heard his phone going off and being nosy you looked to see notification after notification from his other hookups, and you were suddenly reminded why you were in the first place. you needed to leave.

 you tried your best to maneuver your way out of his grasp. you were slipping on your socks when he stirred. “where are you going?” his voice worn.

“i have an early day tomorrow, i need to get back to my place,” you lied.

“liar.”

“excuse me?” how in the world could he possibly call you on something when he was half asleep?

“you’re running. just stay the night. it can’t hurt.” oh, but it could. the question was: would it hurt more to tell him or to just keep the arrangement as is? before you could weigh your options, your mouth had already taken over. “it would hurt,” you said. “it already hurts.”

“what hurts? did i- did i do something wrong?” he asked, sitting up suddenly interested. you knew what he was thinking. “not in the way you’re thinking, soonyoung,” you smiled. “it hurts because throughout this whole agreement i accidentally caught feelings for you and it fucking sucks. because while you’re out hooking up with other people, i can’t even bring myself to hookup with another person because i think you’ve ruined me.”

“___-” he began, he looked apprehensive.

“i know. i know this wasn’t what we agreed on, and i know you’re not looking for anything right now. i just like you so much, and every time i look at you, i just wonder why you can’t just like me back. i’ll just go. i can’t do this anymore, soonyoung. i’m sorry.” you sighed.

“i am too,” he replied quietly, and he genuinely was. 

jeon wonwoo “one day i will stop falling in love with you. some day someone will like me like i like you” -  let you break my heart again by laufey

you often borrowed wonwoo’s things. from hats to jackets to random necklaces you found around his apartment, everything was fair game. sometimes you would forget to return them and wear them out. wonwoo never complained or tried to steal the clothes back from you. he liked them better on you anyway.

one day his friends noticed. it was just a house party where you had been teasing wonwoo all night about his less than average kart rider skills. you had taken his glasses off and placed them on your nose. “look at me i’m wonwoo and i suck at kart rider,” you imitated his voice puffing out your chest and bumping into his shoulder. 

“hey, i need those,” he chuckled, squinting at the tv in front of him. 

“yeah, yeah, i know. they look better on you anyway,” you grumbled, delicately placing the glasses back on his nose. “i’m going to get a drink, you want anything?” he shook his head, and you got up.

“wonwoo, isn’t that your coat?” mingyu casually asked as he sat down next to wonwoo on the couch. wonwoo didn’t even really process what mingyu was asking, but answered, “oh, the one ___’s wearing? yeah.”

“so, does this mean you two are finally together?” mingyu pressed. 

“uh, no. it just means i like sharing.”

“just like how you like sharing your glasses,” mingyu scoffed. “bullshit.”

mingyu got up and walked over to where you were chatting with some of your friends. wonwoo wanted to act like he was paying attention to seungcheol absolutely demolishing him and chan at kart rider, but he was only focused on you. 

he knew he didn’t stand a chance against the other guys you had been going out with for the past few months. he knew that you were probably better off with a guy like mingyu or something, and when he saw you chatting with mingyu he knew he couldn’t even begin to compete. in your eyes, he was just your cute best friend that did you favors all the time.

“you know, i think you should really un-friendzone wonwoo,” your friend giggled.

“i agree,” mingyu piped in.

“please, wonwoo’s just my friend,” you chuckled, glancing over at the dark haired man sitting on the couch. “plus, i already have a date this weekend.”

it was true. you did have a date lined up. it was about the fourth new guy this month. none of the people you’ve been meeting had actually clicked after the first date. which was a bit disheartening since you’ve been trying to date for a while. 

the only constant in your life was wonwoo. he’s been with you since high school, and the two of you quickly rented an apartment together when you two decided to attend the same college. it was a nice set up, and you appreciated his companionship. he was there for every high and low of life, and didn’t complain if you were a mess most of the time. he was just there. a great friend.

as wonwoo and you walked home, he admired the way you looked at everything around you. the stars in the sky or the flowers that lined the windows of some apartments. it was comfortable with you. “you have a date later this weekend?” he asked quietly. you hummed in response. 

you were a little too busy watching your surroundings to see wonwoo’s face fall a bit. he would watch you go off on these dates every so often, and nothing came to fruition for most of them. if they did, they were quite short lived. although it broke his heart every time you overlooked his hinting gestures, he would always be there to help you get ready and pick up any broken pieces. he’d be there at your door with a cup of coffee for you in the morning or he’d give you the space you needed if you asked. whatever you asked of him, he would do because he’d let you break his heart as many times as you wanted and he’d still come back. after all, he was your best friend. 

he just wished that someday he would finally leave the feelings he harbored for you behind, and he could find someone who loved him the same way that he loved you. even if it wasn’t you.

lee jihoon “feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine now” - the exit by conan gray

jihoon was jihoon. you were you. there wasn’t any way around it. you had met him at a bad time, that’s all you could say about it. it probably wasn’t the best idea to start hanging out as much as you did. you knew that, and so did he. yet, you two did, and it was nice while it lasted.

“i just thought- i just thought we could continue seeing each other,” you grumbled. you weren’t sure what you were expecting out of jihoon. he was always a bit, emotionally reserved. 

“i mean, why would we?” he asked, blinking slowly at you. of course he would ask that. “you didn’t think we were actually like dating, right?” he asked. 

well no. 

you and jihoon had established a mutual distaste towards labels, but now you regretted not putting one on what you had with jihoon. “i mean, i didn’t. i just thought-” you trailed off. what did you think? that maybe by the time he figured out his shit, you would have figured yours out too. or maybe that he would’ve noticed your growing feelings towards him. 

“look, ___. you have been a greater help than i could’ve ever asked for. i was, well you know, just out of a long term relationship that ended well, badly. you were with me through every step of the healing process, and i will forever be grateful for you,” he said, taking a step closer to you.

“yeah, you- you really helped me too,” you mumbled, you couldn’t help the tears that were forming in your eyes.

“___? why are you crying?” he asked.

“no reason, jihoon,” you sniffed. there was a perfectly good reason why you crying, it was just a bit too embarrassing to tell him when he obviously didn’t reciprocate your feelings. maybe you got attached to jihoon to easily, someone who was obviously emotionally unavailable. maybe you had a type. 

things had ended badly with your ex, and you feared that things would end horribly with jihoon before they could even begin. 

maybe he would say you were too clingy, too needy, too this that and the other thing. was wanting to be loved such a bad thing?

all you really wanted was for him to notice you, but it appeared as though he was too focused on healing himself that he had left you behind without as much as a band-aid. 

lee seokmin “and though it's fading with time, i remember the warm nights with love in your eyes. passing the days, watching rains as it dries, staring at your eyes i know it's the time” - less and less by matt maltese 

a ball of sunshine. that’s how you described lee seokmin. you always grabbed his face in your hands and just looked at him, and he’d let you. then he’d giggle or something and you’d smile while you memorized every aspect of his face. 

but now, but now, he couldn’t even look you in the eye, not after he heard that you didn’t really care to see him anymore. it was weird to overhear from one of his friends who still kept in touch with you. apparently he would be too much of a distraction or something to that effect. he knew the chances of reconciliation were already slim, but just knowing you didn’t really want to see him at all hurt. it wasn’t necessarily a bad or messy break up either.

a mutual friend of the two of you had just gotten engaged, and they were having a celebratory dinner. seokmin had the feeling that you were going to be there, but he couldn’t skip out on this just because his ex would be there. that would be - sad.

you were chatting casually with one of the other dinner guests, and you looked as beautiful as ever. “seokmin? are you even listening to me?” soonyoung whined next to him.

“you’re drunk, soonyoung. i probably shouldn’t listen to anything you say,” seokmin chuckled, pushing on his obviously drunk friend. soonyoung whined and threw his head back against the wall that was behind his chair. “___ looks nice tonight,” he commented. seokmin nodded in agreement. 

he stole another glance at you, and that was when he met your eyes. god, those eyes. the same kind ones that he looked into every night before you said your goodnights and i love yous. you offered him a small smile and he reciprocated it as best as he could without it hurting his chest too much. 

he found himself stealing glances at you when you didn’t even bother to look over. he wished he could sit next to you and hold your hand. kiss your cheek like he used to. should he profess his undying love for you even though you had broken his heart over six months ago? would that be appropriate?

by the end of the dinner, seokmin had slung soonyoung over his shoulder and was bringing him out to his car parked nearby the restaurant. “seokmin, why don’t you ask ___ out again?” he grumbled as seokmin dragged him into the passenger seat. the smell of alcohol reeked on his breath as seokmin buckled his pouting friend in. soonyoung continued, “you two were so good together. so cute. you were so down bad for ___.” seokmin sighed. he knew that already. 

he looked at you like you hung the moon, and he genuinely believed that you did. your soft kisses on his cheeks and warm hands around his were nice, but they weren’t enough. as much as he wanted them to be, they just couldn’t be enough. 

“seokmin?” he heard your familiar voice float into his ears and shot up instantly, hitting his head on his car as he tried to escape the clutches of soonyoung. “oh, are you okay?” you giggled. 

“yeah,” he said, standing upright and rubbing the back of his head. and there the two of you stood in silence. oddly enough, it wasn’t as awkward as he thought it was going to be. there was a dull pain in his chest when he looked at you. “look, i just wanted to say it was nice seeing you tonight,” you said. his heart soared, but the pain hurt. “it was nice seeing you too,” was all he seemed to muster before he turned around to check on soonyoung. 

you must’ve thought he was trying to get out of the conversation because the next words you said sounded rushed. “i want you to know that i don’t hate you,” you said.

he froze. 

“i mean, i know you heard about what i said about not wanting to see you. that’s not what i meant,” you sighed. 

he nodded dumbly.

“i just- i know we didn’t end things badly at all. it was actually quite nice. i said that after we broke up and i was still a bit upset, i guess. i thought that if i saw you, i would just hurt all over again. i just wanted to stop hurting. i should’ve considered that you might hear about it and misunderstand, and i’m sorry about that.”

silence.

“i’ll always want you in my life, seokmin.”

“i’ll always want you in mine too,” he finally said, and he felt like he truly meant it. he knew that he wouldn’t be in your life like the two of you had planned, but just hearing that you wanted him - needed him - to just be there was enough. 

he had all those times that you looked at him with such love and affection that he didn’t care how he was in your life. he just needed to be in it. he had the memories how you kissed him. how you hummed songs while lounging around the house. how you would wrap your arms around him while he was cooking. how you held his hand when your car broke down in the rain.

you would remember the way he just admired you at a distance. how he cried when he forgot to water your plant when you left town for a trip. how he brought you flowers when he knew the ones you had were dying. how he sang in the shower. how he laughed at all of your jokes. how he grabbed your hand and kissed it just because. 

now you stood so close to him, but so far. he wanted to hold you close to him, feel your hands on his face, hear your laugh, kiss your lips, anything and everything. all it would take would be a couple of strides and he would be close enough to smell the perfume you put on for the evening.

but something in him kept him from doing that. he looked at you. the look in your eyes wasn’t the same as when the two of you were together. something else was there. admiration, respect, unconditional love. something in your eyes told him it was time to let you go. he would always remember you and all the moments you shared, but he needed to let go of what he had. let it fade until all that remained was the dull ache in his heart. 

“i’ve missed you, ___,” he said meeting your gaze. 

you smiled, “i’ve missed you too. please don’t be a stranger.”

“i won’t.”

the pain in his chest was still there as he watched you leave, but he supposed that it would always be there.

kim mingyu so i can't love you even though i do 밀어내 봐도 난 너를 못이겨 “so i can't love you, even though i do. i try to push you away but i can't beat you” - invu by taeyeon

this was wrong. he knew it. you knew it. he was on a first date with mutual of one of his friends, and he only agreed because he needed to get his mind off of everything, off of you. it should be easy, nice laid back dinner date. it had been a while since he had been on first date, but he couldn’t be that bad at this whole first date thing.

apparently he was pretty bad at it. 

“mingyu,” you gasped, as he grabbed onto your waist. “where are you taking me?” he didn’t say a word. something in his blood boiled when he saw you sitting with your friends at the same restaurant he was at. he quickly excused himself from the table and made his way to your table. your table was conveniently located on the way to the bathroom. he turned his head to make sure his date wasn’t looking, luckily his date’s chair was facing the other way, so he could get away with snatching you away from your friends.

you barely had time to process what had happened. you sensed someone rushing toward you, but you figured it was just a waiter. suddenly you were pulled out of your seat and there was a familiar arm wrapped around your waist. “mingyu, what are you doing?” you demanded as he pulled you into the single-bathroom and locked the door. “i was having dinner with my friends.”

“and i was having dinner with a date, but here we are,” he scoffed.

“you’re on a date, and you dragged me in here!” you yelled. “mingyu, you’re unbelievable. you should be on your date. this is incredibly rude of-” 

“do you miss me?” 

“what?”

“do you miss me?”

“not in the way you want me to.”

that seemed to do it for him. he pressed you against the bathroom wall and kissed you in the way that took your breath away. “mingyu,” you gasped in between his kisses. you felt the way he was holding onto you, it was pure need. “mingyu, we- we can’t. your date,” you breathed as your hands found purchase on his shoulders.

“fuck my date. i’m only on that date to stop thinking about you,” he admitted.

“mingyu-” you began to pull away from him.

“stop calling me that,” he pulled away and looked you dead in the eye.

“what? your name? it’s your name, mingyu. what else am i supposed to call you?”

“please, ___. you know.” it sounded pathetic and you practically melted. “gyu,” you caved. he didn’t realize how much he missed you until this moment. well, he had been missing you since the two of you parted ways several months ago, but now that he had you so close to him, that he had just kissed you, he missed you more than ever. you were so close. he could just go back to kissing you. he really wanted to go back to kissing you. 

you don’t know how you could let this happen. mingyu was always very nice to you. he was sweet, caring, attentive, all the things you could want in a boyfriend, but you just weren’t ready for the type of commitment you knew he craved. 

he wanted to move in, settle down, get married, live life. it was all too real to you, so you ran.

sure it hurt to break up with him. to tell him that you didn’t want to move that fast, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever marry at all. it was all just too confusing. but now, that you were here with him, you knew that you had made a mistake.

but you had missed your chance.

he tried to move back in to kiss you again.

“gyu, stop,” you whispered. he did, but he didn’t back away. “go back to your date, gyu,” you sighed. “it isn’t fair to your date. it isn’t fair to you.”

“what do you mean, ___? i want you. i’ve only ever wanted you,” he complained, he couldn’t let you leave again. “i’ll wait for you, for as long as it takes for you to realize that it’ll always be you. that you’re the only one for me,” he rushed.

“don’t say that stuff, gyu,” you smiled at him resting your palm on his cheek. “i missed my chance with you. you deserve someone who will appreciate you from the start. you don’t deserve someone who makes you wait around.” 

and with that, you pulled away from him, took a quick glance in the mirror and fixed your hair, and left.

and he had no choice but to let you. 

xu minghao “oh, simple thing, where have you gone? i'm getting old, and i need something to rely on. so, tell me when you're gonna let me in. i'm getting tired, and i need somewhere to begin” - somewhere only we know by keane

“what do you want?” you asked, leaning against your door. 

“can i, uh, get some books that i left here?” minghao asked not meeting your gaze. you squinted your eyes at him. this was so not minghao behavior. even though the two of you stopped hooking up a couple months ago there was still some sort of tension that made you want to claw your hair out. “yeah, i have work soon, so, uh, make it quick,” you mumbled, moving out of the way of the door. he nodded and quickly brushed past you. 

your apartment was small and you knew what books he was looking for. they had been sitting on your coffee table for the past months. it wasn’t like you took time to read all five of them in his absence. it wasn’t like you ranked them by how much you thought he would like them. it wasn’t like you knew the book with the green cover would be his least favorite. but you knew you were never going to tell him that. 

you picked up the stack of books and handed them to him. he took them and glanced around your apartment. he noticed that the painting the two of you made together as a joke was still hanging out by the window, and he couldn’t help be smile at that. 

now there the two of you stood. saying nothing. being with minhao was always quiet, but never this type of quiet. this was stale and somewhat raw, you missed the times of soft comfortable silence. 

“well, thank you for holding on to these,” he finally said.

“of course, i mean i’m not a monster who throws away books,” you chuckled. he laughed. you loved it when he laughed, especially since it took you ages to get him to stop stifling it around you. 

“before i go, ___, i just need you to know that i don’t regret the things we had, and i don’t regret how things ended. i just need to know why.”

if you thought the air was stale before, you were not prepared for that. “i- i swear it has nothing to do with you,” you said. all he did was nod. “i don’t know,” you resigned yourself. 

“yes, you do,” he shrugged. you stared at him, dumbfounded. yes you knew, but you were barely ready to admit it to yourself, how were you supposed to admit it to him? 

“i understand that you’re lost, i am too. maybe you can’t tell me right now for whatever reason, maybe you don’t even know yourself, but i can’t stand not being around you,” he said finally.

you just looked at him. he wanted to be around you? after you broke up with him? he still wanted to be around you. 

“look, i know it’s weird, but i’ve spent a lot of my time with you. i’ve genuinely enjoyed all the things we’ve done together, and i’m just at a loss for what to do. you were a huge part of my life and now that we’re not together i-” he rambled

“don’t know where to start again,” you finished for him. his eyes flickered between you and the ground. 

you would be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same. leaving minghao had left some sort of void in your life that you weren’t prepared for. he had been a huge part of your life and then he was just gone. “i guess we could try to be friends again,” you suggested. “just to start again.”

he nodded.

deep down you knew you couldn’t just be friends with him, and he knew that too. yet, he agreed. he needed somewhere to begin again, and you did too. so like you always did, you would always come running back to each other even if it meant leaving each other for good in the future.

“hey, hao,” you called after him. he turned on his heel and looked at you expectantly. “don’t read the book with the green cover. you won’t like it,” you warned. he glanced down at the books he was carrying and back up at you. “noted,” he smiled. “i guess you’ll have to recommend me a different one next time.”

boo seungkwan “if i were a mountain, i'd stand my ground, and maybe i'd never listen. but if i were a mountain, i'd close my mouth and maybe i'd be forgiving” - i’m not a mountain by sarah kinsley

seungkwan tried. he tried his hardest. he gave his everything in every aspect of his life. he gave his all to you, yet for some reason it wasn’t enough. sure, he knew this wasn’t an official thing, but he still treated it as though it was.

“i just- i don’t understand,” he stammered. the look in your eyes was not one of malice or hatred, just sorrow. “i’m moving, kwan,” you sighed. “i can’t- i can’t make you wait for me. we can hardly make it when you make your trips.” 

that was true. he needed you like oxygen and his job wasn’t necessarily very forgiving towards the health of his... friendships. “don’t you think we can work it out?” he questioned. “is everything we’ve done together mean nothing?”

“that’s the thing! everything we’ve done means everything to me,” you cried. “please just let me go. maybe if we meet again, it’ll be meant to be.”

he paused. 

it meant everything? did that mean...

“i can’t just let you go. we are meant to be. us, here. right now. this is right. why can’t you see that?” 

from his perspective, it was his fault.

did he not show you enough love? did he not text or call enough when he was away? was he not a nice enough friend for you to stay?

 if he was stronger he would’ve stopped you, even though he knew you were right. some people say that couples who are meant to be together can last the test of time and distance, but that was the issue. you and seungkwan were meant to be together, physically, mentally, emotionally.

“seungkwan, please just - i’m sorry. i can’t play this game anymore.”

“then let’s stop playing, i’ll give you everything!”

“but i can’t give you everything.”

that would be fine, as long as you’re with me, he thought.

“i’m sorry, seungkwan. i- do like you, a lot. more than i should. and it isn’t fair to you to wait for someone like me who can’t love you in the way you deserve,” you sighed, making your way to the door.

if seungkwan was stronger, he would kiss you. he would hold you in his arms and tell you that you are the only person he’ll ever need or want. he would tell you that he loves you. he would ignore the things you said about leaving and make you stay. make you see that you were his world. 

if seungkwan was stronger, he would stand there and forgive you for all the times you couldn’t give him your all. he would forgive you for ghosting him occasionally. he would forgive you for breaking his heart. 

but seungkwan, wasn’t strong enough to do that. he was upset that you could walk away. he was upset that you were crying about this. he was upset that he couldn’t do anything about it. his facade was in shambles, and his world was crumbling around him. 

instead of standing up and protesting anymore, he shut his mouth and bowed his head. tears were dotting the floor as he heard you make your way to the door. “i’m sorry, seungkwan. i love you,” you whispered.

he heard.

“i love you too,” he said as the door clicked shut.

choi vernon 어느 날 우연히 마주치면그건 우연이 아닐지 몰라 “if we meet by chance one day, maybe it’s not a coincidence” - one day by chance by ailee

“you have to meet him!” your friend giggled. “he’s so your type!”

“type? and what would that be exactly?” you entertained the notion. 

“im not sure, but he’s for sure your type!” you rolled your eyes. you hadn’t dated anyone since high school, and even then it wasn’t that serious. “and what if he isn’t my so-called type?” you questioned.

“then you get to hang out with me at an awesome party,” she stated.

you didn’t even like going to parties, but you only went to entertain her (and to be her ride home). when you finally arrived at the party she slipped way saying that she was off to find the guy. you sighed and made your way the kitchen to find the bottled water. it was most likely going to be a long night and you were-

“oh hey, sorry,” the guy you just bumped shoulders with apologized instantly.  

“no worries, i wasn’t watching-” you paused. “- where i was going.”

“___.”

“vernon.” 

“there you are! oh! look you found him before i did!” your friend exclaimed a cup already in her hand. 

right. this was the only person in high school that you had a relationship with and thought it was mildly serious. “you were looking for me?” he cocked an eyebrow at you.

“no.”

“yes! i think ___ is just your type!” you friend practically screeched. 

“is that so?”

“i’m afraid not. i’ll be outside,” you grumbled to your now confused friend as you walked out the back door. you heard your friend calling after you, but you couldn’t be bothered. it wasn’t like you held a grudge towards vernon, but he was the first guy to break your heart. you knew it was just a stupid high school relationship, but there was something about him. something that was so charmingly awkward that you couldn’t help but enjoy his lame jokes and not as lame music tastes. you didn’t even announce to your friends that you were dating, you didn’t really announce it to yourselves either. it just started. and it just sort of ended. maybe the reason it hurt so much to see him here was simply because there wasn’t any screaming or crying or fighting when it all ended. just zero effort or care was behind the ending.

then something just happened and the two of you just stopped hanging out as much. you knew you couldn’t completely blame it on him. he started hanging out with a different crowd, as did you. and suddenly, it wasn’t. the breakup was as quiet as the get together. but it didn’t hurt any less to see him with his arm around someone else at lunch. 

after high school you tried your best to move as far away from your hometown. you largely succeeded. new friends, new places, new experiences. you had it all while avoiding any contact from your previous life. but there was always that thought lurking in the back of your mind about what could’ve been. 

it was just a stupid high school thing. then why was your heart beating so much?

you were too lost in thought to notice that vernon had joined you on the porch. “long time no see,” he said, taking a drink from his cup. you scoffed, but not so much in an unfriendly way. just a “that was such a you thing to say” scoff. he laughed taking a sip of his drink. and there you sat in silence. it was comfortable until it wasn’t. 

“why’d we stop talking,” you asked suddenly. he shrugged. “not an answer, vernon,” you groaned. 

“we grew a part, i guess.” the conversation topic obviously irked him. it was weird, because you had dreamt of this moment for as long as you could remember. reuniting with your high school boyfriend. it seemed far fetched, yet here you were. you were never one to believe in that metaphysical stuff, but maybe this meant something. maybe this was the universe saying something. no. it couldn’t. it was too good to be true. 

“did you feel anything for me? i mean, back then at least,” you asked finally. 

“yes,” he said, with a sort of certainty that scared you. 

“okay, good.” you turned and you were about to go back inside as you muttered to yourself, “at least now i can move on.”

“what if i don’t want you to?” he called.

“excuse me?” you turned on your heel to stare at him.

“what if i don’t want you to move on?” he repeated. 

“then you should’ve tried.”

lee chan “got to get it in my head, i'll never be 16 again. i'm waiting to live, and waiting to love” - when by dodie

some things never lasted, and that was a tough pill to swallow. an especially tough one for chan. he moved away, but he had his phone and your number (and address if he needed to resort to letters). there shouldn’t have been a problem. he promised he’d call or text at least once a day, as did you.

and for a while. it worked. things were just the same as they were. almost as if he had never even left. 

yet as time passed, he wasn’t expecting to be so busy with his new neighborhood, school, and friends. so, he forgot to text and call quite often actually. just sporadic texts for holidays, funny things, “hellos” and “goodnights.” nothing like what you two were like before. and soon, that became the new normal - for the next four years. 

that is until one day when he suddenly remembered the deal the two of you had. he felt guilty. every day turned into every two weeks to once every month, and even less frequent than that. he had promised you the bare minimum, after all, you two were best friends. 

however, when he looked at your contact and messages, he realized that you never reached out that much either. just the same “happy winter break!” or “aren’t you so glad summer break is here?” or “we should visit each other soon.” those plans never came to be. 

maybe if he had just told you how he felt before he left, the remnants of your relationship wouldn’t be in such shambles. you would have a reason to text and call him. you would have a reason to come and see him and vice versa. except, he didn’t. you two were better off as friends anyway.

and he thoroughly believed that himself. he really believed it when it was the summer and he wanted to visit his grandparents who happened to live a little outside your childhood town. he still loved you even if he couldn’t call you every day to show it. who knows, maybe he could pass through, see you, and finally get to tell you how he felt after all these years. just because you guys didn’t talk as much didn’t mean things would be awkward or weird, right? and it definitely wouldn’t be weird if he just confessed his feelings he had been harboring for you since the seventh grade, right? the feelings he concealed and tucked away just in case you didn’t feel the same. the feelings he didn’t want to risk a friendship over. the feelings that still made him dream of you. 

so as he drove through his small hometown he parked along the street where the two of you would walk and window shop. he got out and strolled around greeting some of the older store owners who “oohed” and “ahhed” at him. he was finishing up his conversation with the baker when he heard it. 

the undeniable sound of sunshine. the laugh he grew accustomed to throughout your entire elementary and middle school years. he bid farewell, and went searching for it. he walked down the street and looked for it, for you. then he came to the end of the sidewalk and saw you. you were sitting on a bench with some ice cream. you looked beautiful. your eyes bright and smile wide. so bright and wide that he almost missed the guy who was wrapping you up in his arms and kissing your forehead. 

oh. 

so things did change. chan didn’t recognize the guy, but he knew this guy was more than a friend. his heart was sinking to the bottom of his stomach. and it sunk even further when he realize he needed to walk right by you to get to his car. 

shit. 

just tear off the band-aid fast. maybe you wouldn’t recognize him. maybe you would be too immersed in the conversation you were having the guy to notice. he didn’t know what he would say to you. confessing wasn’t exactly appropriate now, not that it ever was. would he be awkward? oh please don’t be awkward, he pleaded with himself. 

so he just went. he just walked. looked around at his surroundings. acted nonchalant. he was the closest to you he’d been in years, and he couldn’t even bring himself to wave at you, let alone look you in the eye. he ducked his head when he got closer to passing the bench where you sat. he kept his eyes to the ground and successfully made it past your table. there was approximately five beats of his heart when it dropped again. “chan? is that you?” you called after him, he heard you get up from the bench. he looked over his shoulder slightly, but he couldn’t bring himself to fully turn around. you stood in the middle of the sidewalk, ice cream melting down your hand, and your presumed boyfriend staying off to the side. he turned back around to keep walking to his car. “god, chan!” you shouted. “get back here! why didn’t you tell me you were going to be in town?”

“sorry, i- i have to get to my grandparents’ place by dinner. it was nice running into you, ___,” he mumbled, blinking his eyes to stop the tears from falling. 

“chan, come on, it’ll be quick.” you were getting closer to him. he couldn’t let that happen.

“no, ___. i can’t. i have to go.” i don’t know what i was thinking. “i’m sorry. just text me or something.” 

he really should’ve told you how he felt when he was sixteen.

min | mmmm sad foolish people in love.... i wanted to do one with ceilings but i already did doomsday so i didn’t want to go overboard with lizzy... it’s been a while since i wrote angst ALKDJ leave so feedback in the comments or in the tags (they’re all greatly appreciated) not proofread 

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey ; Chapter 8 -

♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics - (TS) Slut! (1989TV!) ;  “You’re not sayin’ you’re in love with me, but you’re going to, half awake taking your chance it’s a big mistake, it might blow up in your pretty face I’m not saying do it anyway, but you’re going to”  ♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡ ♡ Summary: Carm + Winnie have an evening in together. They get wine drunk and have slightly spiritual talk over pizza. Winnie talks Carm through a nightmare. Carm gets some much needed rest, Some angsty sex ensues. ♡ W/C: 8,902 ♡ Posted Date: 02/20/24 ♡ A/N: (Kinda TL Don't have to read) Hayy besties!! I’ve been lookin' over the fic & judging what y'all like by the chapter likes- ok smut and Soft Dom Carm!! I’m leaning towards Soft Dom Carmy being the main trope for this fic & based on the likes y’all love it too!! He needs to build into it though for sure, Like- i'm not great at writing things close to canon- but what is canon is a pivotal part of what makes up Carmen - which is being severely emotionally underdeveloped in regards to relationships - also sexually. BUT don’t get me wrong- that man is a DOM he just needs a partner who will find that and pull it out of him. Like- y’all I am ALL for the fully anger management therapy version of Carmy tthat'swritten in to one shots here like I THIRST for it- I just want to try and flesh out the journey in between because I find it interesting. But it WILL happen in this fic- as you can tell this fic is a slow burn, its gonna be long, and I know its gonna end with Carmen being fully sexually comfortable (at least with Winnie) so expect some dirty dirty filth, carm is just growin rn okay!! I also find it fun to write kinda virgin! Carmy- I believe its canon he’s never had a gf- but I believe he’d had to have blown off steam some way in NY and hooking up on tinder since it was that time would be popular. Anyhow, enjoy this chapter!  ♡ Warnings for BTC: Minimally edited, talks of spiritualism, vomiting, talks of PTSD/Panic Attacks, Sad!Carm, Fluff, (Kinda asshole) But mostly insecure!Carm, Smut! (Talks of it- oral (m) , kissing, etc just slutty shit) 

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

The pizza had gotten there pretty quickly but considering the time of night, that was to be expected. Carmen had been sure to order Pepperoni with extra cheese per my request, and by the time the delivery driver had knocked on the door, we had already finished off my entire bottle of wine and I was in the kitchen opening another. He returns to where we had set up in the living room, putting the steaming pizza box on the coffee table. “No way- you need to finish that story, you can't just answer ‘why do you believe in angels’ with ‘I met a guy when I worked at Dunkin’ Donuts and we had breakfast every day until he died’ and that’s just… the end of the story,” he said and I laughed, coming back with 2 very full glasses of Rose and setting them down. 

“That is the whole story, you mean you want the long detailed version?” I set down the 2 paper plates and paper towel roll I was holding under my arm. “Yes.. Please- how was this man an angel?” he snorted, his face flush from the alcohol as I could easily assume mine was. “Okay… his name was Harold, he came in every day, and one day, well” I took a bite of my pizza. “Like I said - my parents, they were never married. My Mom was a twin, but her sister died when they were babies- anyhow” I took another bite, realizing he was listening intently.

“Um.. yeah..” I swallow “So, my dad like- wanted nothing to do with us really, I mean- we met him a few times but… we were just like I dunno, puppies or something? Like, my dad didn’t want us, but my mom was all religious- anyway… wait- what was I saying?” I asked and he started laughing, “Fuckin, Dunkin Donuts man, Harold?” He said and I nodded, catching my breath from laughing at my own drunk rambles. “Yess! Okay, so that's why- we had no money! And with Chris and all his appointments and everything, my mom had even less money, so when I was 14 I got a job to be able to buy stuff, so anyway, I was working a shift.” I took another bite of my pizza before a large sip of my wine.

“And the angel… flew in to buy his coffee?” he teased and I nudged him with my foot. “Shut up! He’s actually the coolest person ever just listen!” I said and he nodded, going in for his second slice of pizza. “I was working a shift, and this man comes in… he looked really sick and he was like ‘ oh can I get something to eat I don’t have any money’ or whatever so I didn’t have any money to spare obviously and so I got my manager thinking this is a huge fuckin’ company - yanno being an idiot teen - and my manager was like ‘oh sorry dude can’t help you’ and so…” I took another sip of my wine before continuing.

“I took my 4.25 that I was gonna use for lunch, I figured whatever, cause this dude needs it- he looked really sick, and that he needed to eat. and I remembered, my mom always said you do things when you can cause when the lord sends his angels to test you they aren't in a suit” I shrug and his eyebrows raised. “You gave him your lunch money?” he said and I shrugged “Mmhmm, anyway- not the point this is the point, Carm, so he leaves, right? Harold comes in, he gets his regular black coffee. Goes and sits down at one of the tables by himself, he drinks it all like he usually does, just watching- waiting almost, and before he goes to leave, he comes up to the counter, and guess what he does?” I asked and he shrugs, waiting for me to continue.

“He hands me, four fucking dollars, and twenty-five cents” I exaggerate each number and his eyes widen, “what the fuck” he muttered. “And I’m like ‘ Harold, why are you given’ me this?’ And he’s like ‘Oh I don’t know honey, I just figured you can use a pick me up today’ “ I took another bite of my pizza and he stopped chewing. “That… is fucking nuts,” he said and chuckled a bit and shook his head.

“And then, every day, we’d sit on my first break and he’d tell me stories about his life, the wars he’d been in, his daughters, his wife before she died, and when he stopped comin’ his daughter came in - she told me that he told her to tell me that he wasn’t doing well and that’s why he hadn’t been by- so I went and visited him in the hospital, got to say goodbye, he was so awesome, and he would do that sort of thing all the time- whenever someone needed something Harold was just… there ya know? It’s like God..or something sent him in at a different time every morning to help someone out even in the smallest ways, He was an angel” I said and Carm nodded, putting his plate down and finishing off his own wine. 

“Well, now that you didn’t make it sufferingly short, I see why you think that. I’d probably believe in angels too if somethin’ like that happened” He said and I dusted my hands over my empty plate before setting it down on the table. “So you’ve never had an experience like that?” He shrugged looking up while he thinks before shaking his head. 

“Nope. Maybe you’re just magical” he pokes my nose causing me to giggle. “I think you” I poke his nose back “are drunk, and we both need to go to bed. Cmon those blankets I put in the dryer went off a few minutes ago. Let's brush our teeth before they get cold” I got up and grabbed our glasses and he took the trash “At least let me help you a little” he said and I smiled. “Such the gentleman.” I teased and he followed me into the kitchen. 

I pointed to show him where the ziplocks were and put the cups in the dishwasher, taking the  box to the entryway and leaving it to bring to the recycling in the morning. “Oh uhhh…I sleep…with the um-“ I started “rain sounds?” He chuckled a bit, stretching his back. “Mmhmm…” I nodded. “So uh…is that ok?” I asked and he nods “no problem for me”

I turn around and head in the bathroom turning on the light “I assume you didn’t bring a toothbrush, or are we that close already?” I teased and he snorts. “No…I did not. Got an extra?” He asks and I open my bathroom closet “you’re in luck, Sadie’s soon to be sister in law is a dental hygienist” I pull out 2 from my thick stack Sadie had put on me when she came over since she had so many laying around her house. 

“Are you a green or blue boy?” I asked and he pouted playfully “no Spider-Man?” He jokes and I giggle. “Blue it is” I put the green one back and popped open the blue one, handing it to him and turning on the sink, wetting my pink electric toothbrush. I put on my anti-cavity toothpaste and handed it over to him, he did the same putting some on his brush. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll time you” I said and he raised his eyebrow “what?” He asked and I turned on my toothbrush, giving him a smug smile before popping the brush in my mouth. Every 30 seconds I mumbled ‘next quadrant!’ With a small smile until the 2 minutes was up, spitting my toothpaste out and brushing my tongue as he did the same before rinsing my mouth and shutting off the water. 

By the time we got in bed and shut the light off, Persephone had well found her spot between my legs, purring softly as she groomed herself for the night and I opened my phone, going to tik tok. Carm spoons me from behind, nuzzling his face in my shoulder with his arm wrapped around my waist. “What’re we watchin’ babe?” He mumbled and I smile. 

“My nightly dose of giggles” I said and scrolled down my for you page, stopping on a video from ‘Secret Brittany’ and my eyes locking on the screen. 

Okay guys, lock in alright? This is the plan - the military planning for the next 2-4 months of my life 

Carm lets out a snort in to my neck, his hand traveling up and down my ribs as he watches with me. 

I’m not going to move to Ireland- yet. I’m going to purchase bumble premium in Ireland, and I’m going to march with Irish men who want me - caveat, they want me, then, I’m going to move, and live my faerie dream 

I giggled, “me” I said quietly to myself and he pinches my waist gently causing me to giggle more “you?! You’re not goin’ anywhere I dunno’ what you’re talkin’ about” he held me tighter, nuzzling his nose deeper in to the crook of my neck. “Is someone whiny and jealous? I’m sure with my red hair and thick hips I’d have guys lining up for me” I teased and laced my fingers with his. 

He let out a bratty huff “I know that’s why you aren’t allowed to go” he muttered into my skin, causing me to smirk as I scrolled on to the next nonsense video. I gasped as I realized I had forgotten about getting to the next part of my absurd series about some woman divorcing her lying husband and looked up her account and Carm leans in a little closer. 

“Wait…” he muttered softly as I scroll through, trying to find the last video I left on. “Who the fuck did I marry…52 parts Winnie?!” He snorts and I giggle “Carmen- shut up, shhh your brain. Get engrossed.” I said and went all the way back to the first part and I glance down at him. 

“You know I’ve watched 23 parts but I’ll rewatch- cause you have to see this, and know-“ I lean in so our foreheads were touching and giggle a bit. “I’m scared” he said playfully causing me to laugh more. “Know Carmen -whatever your middle name is- Berzatto, I will always sniff out a lie- I will do my diligence- hear me?” I huff a laugh and he kisses my lips tenderly. 

“I would never dream of lying to you” he said honestly before continuing. “I may not tell you everything at once, but I’ll never misguide you, yeah?” He said softly and gently cups the back of my head with his warm hand. I nodded softly against him. “Yeah…” I whisper and kiss his forehead. “My middle names Anthony” he said with a small smile. “Mines - basic. Ok, Now listen to this bullshit” I giggle a bit and turn back around, hitting play. 

It was about 3 parts (30 minutes) of Carmen softly gasping, playing with the hem of my shirt in anticipation, and humming in confusion before I heard the first snore come from his lips. I hit pause on the video, putting on my rain asmr sounds on Spotify and gently plugged my phone in, setting my alarms before drifting off into a peaceful, relaxed sleep. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..

I woke up to the sounds of violent retching in my bathroom, I rubbed my eyes, confused for a moment before remembering that Carmen had slept over. I padded out to the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing my brita jug, before opening my cabinet and grabbing one of the many different glasses that fit a bamboo lid and glass straw, this certain one adorned with cherries. I gently pushed the cup under the ice dispenser, letting a few cubes drop in before filling the cup with chilled water. 

I pushed the lid and straw on, popping the Brita back in the fridge before padding back to the bathroom, where I heard dry heaving from outside the slightly cracked door. “Carmy?” I mutter softly, pushing the door further open to see him crouched over the toilet, elbows supporting him as he gagged over the bowl. 

“S-sorry.” He muttered, coughing a bit before sitting up and trying to catch his breath. “No- no. Carmen, don’t apologize” I knelt down next to him, gently rubbing his back. “I’m not feeling sick.. so was it a nightmare?” I asked softly, extending the water to him. He sat back on the floor, extending his legs in front of him and sighing deeply. 

“I really didn’t mean t’wake you, Winnie. It’s fine…really they happen like every night” he mumbled, taking the glass from my hands. “I have them too! It’s ok, it's ok. S’just a bad dream” I said softly and gently brushed his curls off his forehead that were damp with sweat. He takes a big few gulps of water from the straw, sighing relieved before leaning back and resting on the cold tub. 

“Did you…did you wanna talk about it?” I sat next to him, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my cheek on my knee, glancing at him through the moonlight coming through the window. It was hard to see him without my glasses or contacts, but his striking blue eyes were still impossible to miss. “It’s…” he looked at his hands, holding the glass. “Stupid” he said finally. “So..so stupid. I used to..” he sighs, his head dropping back and eyes squeezing back in thought. 

“Throw up?” He said like a question, shaking his head quickly. “Like” he looked at me “before I’d…see my boss” in the dim light I could still see his cheeks reddening. I bit my lip gently, leaning over and hugging him silently, my head resting on his chest. “I’m sorry” I said softly and he sighed, setting his water glass down and curling his arm around my frame, rubbing gently. “No.. no that’s not- don’t feel bad” he said softly, his thumb rubbing soothing strokes in to the middle of my back. 

I gently shook my head against his chest. “Carmen…” I said softly. “This… this monster…” I said softly and looked up at him, cupping his cheek honestly. “He makes you sick Carmen…what…what he did to you- whatever he did…he creates a panic response in you, baby.” I rub my thumb along the stubble of his jaw that was already peaking out before first light. 

He swallows thickly, drinking in every word I was saying. “He…he…” I look at the floor, trying to find my words. “He instilled that voice in you” I said, my lip quivering slightly and he put his thumb to my lips gently to stop the motion. “What? What voice, honey?” He asked softly. 

I giggled into his finger, still slightly wine-drunk. “Your inner-saboteur. Just like Ru-Paul says” I gently nibble his finger, causing him to really laugh. “My inner-saboteur” he repeated with a smile. “Yes” I said gently and kissed his forehead. “Let him go, Carm, fuck that guy! Fuck your inner-saboteur. I’m still a tad bit drunk, but c’mon- brush your nasty throw-up teeth” I said teasingly and giggle, resting my forehead on his and gazing into his icy blue eyes. 

“And come back to bed, I’ll introduce you to Drag Race tomorrow”  I said softly, pecking his lips tenderly. “Okay?” I gaze into his eyes, looking for agreement. “Okay…” he said softly, a smirk adorning his lips. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..

I wake up to the feeling of Persephone jetting off my right thigh like an Olympic-launching pad at the sound of my alarm going off, soothing chirping birds filling the bedroom from my hatch alarm clock Sadie’s Parents had gotten me as a housewarming gift. I groan softly at the reverberating pain in my thigh muscle from her sudden attack, reaching down and soothing the ache with a slow rub from my hand. 

Carmen was draped around me, his arm tucked protectively around my waist and his prominent nose nuzzled in my neck, the feeling of short, hot breaths hitting my shoulder at an even pace. I gently leaned over, tapping the top of the clock that was slowly getting brighter, so it stopped its cry of awakening, 

I rubbed my face tiredly before I gently pried Carmys sleeping fingers off of my waist, slowly getting up off of the mattress, so as to not wake him. My t-shirt brushed just below my lower cheeks, goosebumps crawling up my legs from the chilly apartment air. I nuzzled my feet into my pink bear-claw slippers, and quietly shuffled out to the kitchen, silently pulling the bedroom door shut behind me.

 I sighed tiredly, stretching my back and arms just at the end of the hall, moaning softly at the blood rushing to my muscles at the action. “Mmhmm” I mumbled at Sephy hungry cries, scratching my scalp in a sleepy haze. 

“Comin’ babygirl” I muttered softly, shuffling out to the kitchen and opening the cabinet, I pulled out a tin full of wet food and cracked it open with my forefinger, taking out a spoon from the drawer. She meowed impatiently, causing my tired eyes to roll up involuntarily.

“Persephone” I muttered, tired but stern. “Jesus Christ should I call ASPCA?” I joked, taking a spoon out of the draw and nudging it closed with my hip quickly before spooning half the can in the bowl and chopping it up half-hazardly, before setting it on the floor with a clink. She dove in, eating like she’d been starved. 

I put a pod in my Nespresso machine, and rested my chin in my hand as my latte brewed, scrolling through my ‘For You’ page, sending a few videos to Sadie that made me stifle a laugh so as to not wake Carm. I opened my fridge, pouring some half and half in to my cup that I’d already filled with ice before pouring my espresso over the top and mixing it up before sealing the lid. 

I shuffled over to the couch, sitting down and continuing to scroll through videos as I sipped my latte. By the time I’d finished it, Persephone was sitting on the cat tree grooming herself in the morning light and the clock read 8:32. I got up, going over to my record player and shuffled through my selection of records, settling on Ctrl by SZA that Syd had gotten me. I bit my lip gently, thinking of her. 

I really hope she wasn’t mad at me…for too long. Thinking back on the conversations she had with us about her ‘boss’ who I now knew was Carm, he could be a serious asshole and he…emotionally led her on in a way? And they never explicitly mentioned their feelings but it sounds like there definitely was feelings..My thoughts are broken by the static of the record as it switches to the next song and Love Galore starts playing. 

I did my usual routine of walking around, pulling open my blinds to let the light in before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. I washed Sephys bowl and set it on the small drying rack before setting a pan on the stove to heat. I opened the fridge, resting my hands on my hips, and realizing I have no idea what Carmen eats- if he eats breakfast. It’s a Saturday though…I settle on the safe options of eggs and toast. 

I popped 4 pieces of bread into the toaster, humming along to Doves in The Wind while I cracked 4 eggs into a glass measuring cup and whisking them with a fork. I added a little bit of garlic salt and pepper, mixing it again before dropping some butter in the pan and letting it melt. I got out 2 of my pink heart shaped plates and set them down in preparation, before pouring the eggs in the pan. It was quick to scramble so I put the toaster down, and I was shuffling over to the table just as the bedroom door opened. 

Carm genuinely looked refreshed. The bags under his eyes were mostly gone, and his eyes didn’t look red and exhausted. I look over at the clock, 9:22. “Good Morning, Chef. I hope scrambled eggs and butter toast is acceptable? With jelly of course” I went over, clicking off my record player that had stopped spinning a few minutes prior.  “You made breakfast?” He asked, looking over to the table. 

It took all of my strength to keep a casual face at his deep, husky morning voice. “Mmhmm!” I hum and come back to the table and he followed. “Coffee?” I ask and he nods “thank you- wow. I can’t remember the last time I.. actually ate in the morning. What time?-“ he looks over to the stove and his eyebrows raise. “Shit.” He snorts. “I guess your bed was comfortable” he sits. 

I smirk proudly “well I’m glad you’ve enjoyed your stay so far at Winnie’s bed and breakfast” I said and went to the kitchen, opening my cabinet and smiling wide at the perfect mug for him to use. I set it down on the counter, “cream?” I asked opening the fridge. “Yes, What are you cheesin’ about?” He teased and I giggle “somethin’ - just wait” I took out the cream and set it on the counter and popped in an americano pod. 

“Oh! Forks! Sorry. Forgot my meds this morning. Let me go do that” he chuckles as I quickly shuffled off. I go in to the bathroom and took my medications with a handful of sink water before coming back and seeing his coffee was done. “Perfect!” I took it out, putting cream in. “Sugar?” I asked and he shook his head “no” he said and I stirred the coffee, putting the spoon in the sink. 

I carefully come over, covering the art on the mug until I set it down in front of him with a giggle. “A Bear mug for Bear and it has a cute, true saying, ‘A hug a day keeps the lonelies away’ “ I giggled. “See that one’s me,” I point to the smaller one, “and that’s you,” I pointed to the bigger one “cause’ you give teddy-bear hugs” I smiled. He looks up at me, his blue eyes sparkling in the morning light, an adorable smirk on his face. 

“You…” he starts and shakes his head, pulling me into his lap and I giggle, wrapping my arms around his neck loosely to steady myself. He kisses all over my face, causing giggles to involuntarily fall from my lips and my eyes to squeeze shut at the quick short pecks that tickled like butterflies, my heart fluttering the same way in my chest. “Are so fucking cute” he hugs me close and I giggled, wrapping my arms around him. 

“Thank you” he kissed my neck sweetly before releasing me and I got up. “Wow, an ambush, I do take payment in kisses but warn me so I can count!” I joked, sitting down in my seat and he rolled his eyes playfully, a pink blush adorning his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. “Forks!” I said and he laughed, shaking his head again. 

“Does that happen all the time?” He asked and I nod, heading over to the drawer and grabbing 2 forks. “Yup. It’s worse if I don’t have my meds” I put his fork in front of him. “Hope it’s ok” I said and sit down “no- this is…this is great Winnie, thank you really” he said taking a bite and nodding. “5 stars Chef” he said and I laughed before taking a bite of mine. 

“Mmhmm totally I’m coming for your spot! Better get worried these eggs’ll put you out of business” I joked and he snorted, taking a sip of his coffee. “Mm- I think Starbucks should be a little scared” he teased and I giggle a bit, nibbling on my toast. “That’s all Nespresso that thing is amazing” 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·...·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..

When we finished breakfast, Carm takes our plates and his mug over to the sink and starts washing them, along with the pan I’d used. “Wow…he cooks and cleans? You sure you aren’t taken already?” I joked, wiping down the table with a Lysol wipe. He chuckled “nope, haven’t gotten any serious offers” he joked back with a smile. 

“Did you wanna see my little library craft room thing?” I asked, throwing the wipe away in the garbage. He puts the now clean dishes on the drying rack. “Course, what do you…craft?” He asked, following me to the second bedroom and I opened the door. “Oh..lots of things. I sew,crochet,read, make jewelry, I paint sometimes” I shrugged and he looked around at all the half finished projects. 

“This is cute” he hummed, picking up a half finished star and moon granny square blanket off the back of my pink desk chair. “Oh! That’s for Syd’s birthday!! She’s such an astrology girl, it's one of those things we can talk about forever.” I smiled and he nods a bit. “Why haven’t you ever come around more? The uh- the restaurant” He asked as he looked over the intricate stitches and I shrugged, picking up stray crochet needles scattered on my desk and putting them in the little drawer where they belonged. 

“Oh.. well Sadie and I - it’s kinda fancy for one thing, and umm..we don’t like people and it’s been busy for months “ I laugh a bit “fancy huh?” He teased, setting the blanket back down and walking over to the wall of pictures I had next to my overflowing bookshelf. “It has been pretty busy” he said as he gazed over the different memories of girls trips Sadie and I had taken as well as pictures of nights out with Syd. 

“Also as you can probably tell- Sadie and I do not belong in a cool fancy place like that” I giggled and he shook his head rolling his eyes playfully with a smile. “I don’t either but it’s what brings the business right?” He looked over the books. “Damn, you read a lot” he said and I giggled. “Mmhmm! Work at a bookstore” I said and he pulled one of my most well loved books out, “this one of your slutty books?” He teased and I roll my eyes. 

“Ha.ha. No- this is an amazing book, you’re saying you’ve never read this book?” I took it from his hands. “My brother gave it to me” I said and flipped to the second blank page where ‘From Chris To Twinnie’ was scribbled in his chicken scratch handwriting. His eyebrows raised. “Oh…no- no. Never heard of it.” He said and my jaw dropped. “Never heard of The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane” I scoff a big smile coming to my face. 

“Okay, so, now I see” I nod, holding the book to my chest with a teasing smirk on my face. “See what?” He asked “I see why you…I dunno” I shrug. “Don’t like to have fun “ I poke his chest and he scoffs. “I have fun I am totally fun!! Are you saying I’m boring?” He asks, slightly offended and I laugh. “No! I’m saying that… the whole point of this book is that life, our journey to self discovery is useless if you have no intention of loving or being loved.” He raised his eyebrows before starting to laugh. 

“A rabbit said that?” He questioned and I shook my head “no he learned it. C’mon let me do skincare on you and read it you’ll love it” I said and he blushed a bit. “Why do I have bad skin?” He joked with a teasing smile. “No you have nice skin but let me take care of it” I said and led him to the bathroom by his hand, getting out my face wash “wash your face with this” I said and turned the water on warm, and grabbed a clean face towel from the cabinet with embroidered strawberries on the hem. “dry your face with this” I instructed. 

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I gently put on the sparkly under eye patches under Carm’s eyes and he scrunched his nose adorably. “The fuckin’ hell why do you do this” he muttered “feels like a slug” he said causing me to giggle “oh my god such a boy. This will make your pretty blue eyes much more noticeable without all the darkness from never sleeping” I gently smoothed them out, booping his nose with the tip of my finger when I was done. 

“Mm whatever you say this is Winnie’s Salon after all” he says and I tut “no! This is Winnie’s beauty parlor. I'm not cutting your hair today” I said and his eyes fluttered open, looking up at me with a small smile. “They look pretty on you” he said, causing me to blush. “You’re a big flirt” I gently played with his hair and his eyes fluttered back shut, humming softly in satisfaction. “Did you want me to read to you?” I asked and his smile grew. 

“Please. It’s been a long time actually, I’m excited to hear about this rabbit” he said and I grab the book from next to us, opening to the first page and starting. 

“Chapter One” 

By the end of the first page, he was glancing up at me, watching me speak each word and smiling slightly when I did slightly different voices for each character. At the end of the first chapter, I close the book and he pouts a bit. “What? No keep going, that was getting cute…she loves that bunny” he said and I giggle. “Yes she does, if you want to hear the next chapter you have to come see me again. Plus, I’m getting hungry” 

I peeled his eye patches off, gently rubbing in the remnants with my ring fingers and he smiled softly. “Mm…you cook breakfast, pamper me, and read to me? I think this is my new hang-out spot for Saturdays” he jokes and I giggle a bit. “Good, so next Saturday you’ll get to see what happens in the next chapter.” I said and he sat up, sitting against the headboard next to me. 

“Sounds like a steal for me” he smiled adorably, his skin still glowing from the serum I’d applied. I looked at his lips, then back at his eyes before straddling his hips and kissing him deeply. He hesitantly moves his hands to my hips and rubs with his thumbs gently. I kiss down his jaw over his stubble to his neck, nipping gently and he groans softly “Winnie” he said, gripping my hip a bit tighter. I gently tug on his ear with my teeth. “I think it’s hot you’re such a talented chef and like when I cook for you” I said softly in his ear, gently tangling his curls in my fingers as I continue to kiss and nip his neck. 

I grind my hips on his and he moaned softly “Winnie.” He said softly, moving his hand to my back “I-i…” he swallowed thickly and I stopped, sitting up and looking at him. “What? Did I..did I do something wrong?” I asked. He shook his head, refusing to meet my eyes. “I-I don’t…we shouldn’t” he rubs over his chin, thinking. 

“Do you…regret last night?” I asked, getting off his lap and sitting crisscross beside him on the bed. He shook his head again “no- god no that was fuckin’ amazing Winnie I-“ he blushed, looking down at his lap. “I’ve uh never…” he cleared his throat, his eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment. “I- I’m surprised I lasted that long with you- a-and…I’ve never done that before..what we did in the shower and I’m still- I’m thinkin’ about it” he swallowed thickly, finally looking at me and I nodded slowly. 

“Okay…I think we should talk more about our sexual experiences” I said and bit my lip. His face goes pale, his mouth opening and closing a few times like he was trying to find the words. “Uh- I” he stuttered. “I’ll go first…what uh- what do you wanna know?” I asked casually and play with the hem of my shirt. “Uh- well..that’s- I don’t… I don’t know a lot” he said quietly, clearly embarrassed by the way his eyes darted away from mine again. 

“Okay so…how about this then. I’ve slept with 24 people, including you. But most of the bulk of those were back home, I’ve slept with you and one other person since I’ve been here, how many have you been with?” I asked and his eyes widen. “Twenty four?” He repeats, his mouth dropping slightly. I scoff “what so guys can sleep with 100 women by the time their 24 but I can’t sleep with 2 people a year over the course of nearly 10 years?!” I asked my tone laced with annoyance. 

He shook his head quickly “no-n-no Winnie no…I’ve….ive slept with less then 8 people…I’ve had sex like…maybe…” he took a deep breath, looking away and swallowing thickly “I don’t- I don’t like this game anymore or- or questions. Or whatever” he said his cheeks going red. I bite back a laugh at the irony of him being so insecure by holding my tongue between my teeth and I gently touch his bicep. “Look at me” I said softly and he shook his head inching away from my touch a bit. 

“Carmen. When I said no one has made me cum like that- I mean it. I was fully seeing stars bro I was shaking Carm.” I laughed and he looked over, eyebrows raising. “You really meant that?” He asked and I roll my eyes playfully. “I wasn’t even gonna fuck you a second ago I was gonna suck your dick because I’m sore. Literally yes you’re amazing Carmen you’re so fucking hot.” I said and he bit his lip, looking at his lap. 

“But I can’t…like- when…when we were in the shower” he muttered “that was-“ he swallowed thickly “I’ve never…I’ve never had sex in the shower before and-“ he sighs deeply. “I don’t want to get attached.” He looks at me finally, and I was silent for a moment, my brain filing through all the possible things he could mean. I settled on the safest response that would have the least possible chance of rejection. “Like- you don’t want tooo…” I questioned and he raised his eyebrows waiting for me to continue. 

“To get attatched to fucking me on your days off?” I question and he rolls his eyes, shaking his head. “Winnie” he muttered, slightly annoyed. “That’s not what I mean Y’know that” he said and I bit my lip. “Tell me what you mean then, Carmen” I said and he looked up at me. He stared at me for what felt like forever, studying me, my features, I tried my best to decipher what was going on behind his eyes but only a week of knowing each other I was rolling blanks. 

“I don’t want to get attached to this. Winnie, to you. I don’t want to do this, we can’t do this.” He shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest and the small change in body language felt like an ocean of distance was suddenly created between us emotionally. My mouth suddenly felt dry, and my throat was growing an enormous lump. “Why” I finally choke out and he looks back at me. “Because I told you, Winnie, I’m not boyfriend material. What this” he motions between the 2 of us “Is, can’t keep going like this. Fuckin’ cuddling and shit..” 

I felt like I wanted to burst out into tears, not more than 20 minutes ago he was dreamily looking up at me while I read to him and now he was telling me that he won’t allow himself to be around me, and relax. “Oh” I scoff, my eyes narrowing and crossing my arms over my own chest. 

“You are such a little baby,” I said and his eyebrows furrow, “what?” He asked. “A little fucking. Baby.” I repeat myself and he blinks a few times, “What the fuck do you mean?” He asked and I got up. “You are an angry baby, because you realize that I have more experience in the bedroom!” I laugh dryly. “Carmen. You knew what you were getting yourself into. You want this. Look at me, and tell me the last fucking time you relaxed on your day off? Hm?” I raise my eyebrows, shrugging and waiting for an answer. 

“You don’t fucking know me, Winnie” he scoffs. “I don’t- I don’t give a fuck that you have more experience than I do. Clearly, it wasn’t with anyone good! Per your fuckin statement 5 minutes ago.” I shook my head. “You’re right! You’re right Carmen. I was begging for your cock- and you wanna know something? You loved it. You were pussy drunk, Carmen, you- you are just so fucking obsessed with depriving yourself of joy, of pleasure that instead of allowing yourself to fuck me you’d rather be in your apartment all alone and cum in your hand? Fine. Have fun” I shrugged, motioning to the bedroom door. 

He sat there, jaw dropped. “You-“ he closed his eyes in shock, shaking his head as he digested what I just said to him. “You are so-“ he sighed, looking at me and his eyes flicker to my chest. I smirk, “fuck. Im gonna fucking hate myself this week. C’mere” he said and I knelt on the bed, straddling him once more and kissing him deeply. I pushed him back on the bed roughly. “Tell me you don’t want me” I said and peel off my shirt, exposing my breasts and already peaked nipples shining with their little black studs, already hardened due the adrenaline coursing through me. 

“Fuck off Winnie you know I fucking want you” he grabs my breast, playing with my nipple gently and I bit my lip. “I haven’t even showed you half of what I can do- and you’re gonna throw the towel so soon?” I rest my palms on his shoulders for leverage as I ground into his hips, the friction causing his eyes to flutter shut and his head to fall back onto the pillow in a low whimper. 

“N-no- no you’re right. You’re right Winnie fuck” he moaned, gently tugging at my jewelry causing me to gasp in pleasure. I kiss him hard, circling my hips into his at a torturously slow pace causing him to whimper and groan into my mouth which made a small smile come to my lips. I pulled away slightly, our lips barely an inch away. 

“Do you want me to suck your cock?” My eyes flutter to his, my hips completely still. His breath quivers “yes” he said barely above a whisper. “Tell me, say it, Carmy. What do you want?” I ask and kiss his neck tenderly. “I-I want you t-to” he swallows thickly when I nip at the tender spot below his ear. “I want you to suck my cock” he said, eyes fluttering shut and cheeks going red. I smirk, happy with the admission, but still unsatisfied with the way he was denying himself. 

“Okay baby, since you asked so nice, like such a good boy” I said, his lip tugging between his teeth and

I kissed down his chest, his abs tightening when I made my way over them, my tongue dragging slowly down the divot in the middle. He watches me with hooded eyes, hands gripping the sheets so tightly his knuckles were turning white, his chest raising up and down deeply at a quick rate as he watches me worship him. 

I straddle his calves, gently rubbing his fully hardened length through his sweatpants and he whines softly “please-please Winnie” he breathed impatiently. I smirked, my hands rubbing long teasing strokes up and down his thighs. “Do you really want me to suck your cock, Carmen?” I asked and he swallows thickly. “Winnie” he wined, looking away and his cheeks heating. 

I stopped touching him and my hands raised to my breasts, gently palming and squeezing them before playing with my hard nipples and my head dropping back as I moaned. “You don’t want me, baby?” I asked and his hand traveled to his pants and I stopped him, grabbing his wrist. “Do you want me Carmen?” I asked, taking his hand and putting his forefinger and ring finger in my mouth, my tongue swirling around them and hollowing my cheeks at the base of his hand. 

He bit his lip harshly as I did so. “So so fucking bad.” He said softly, I pulled off his fingers with a ‘pop’ and tugged him out of his boxers, leaning down and spitting the puddle of saliva I had collected in my mouth while sucking on his fingers and pump his length with the wetness, twisting and getting it all wet. “Holy fucking shit” he mumbled, a moan falling from his lips and his head falling back momentarily but he was quick to put his eyes back on me. 

“Does that feel good baby?” I ask sweetly, my thumb brushing over his tip. He nods “shit- yes s-so good baby” his abs clenched in pleasure as I slowly dragged my thumb over his slit teasingly. “Mmm the noises you make are so sexy baby I love it” my other hand dances around his stomach, my nails brushing the toned skin causing him to shiver slightly. 

“Oh you adorable thing” I said and leaned down, kissing his tip gently and his head drops back, a breathy moan falling from his lips, his knee jerking slightly under me. I stuck out my tongue, slowly licking his tip from the back of my throat all the way to the tip of my tongue, flicking it teasingly causing him to whimper beautifully. “You have such a nice cock baby” I praised, pumping him slowly, twisting my hand how I knew he liked based on the way his stomach would tense when I did it repeatedly. 

I look up at him, his cheeks, bright red, curls stuck to his forehead in sweat, “do you like it when I tug harder” I did so and he whines “or softer?” I went back to my original firmness and he breathed out, I could tell no one had really ever given him this kind of attention during a blow job before- so I was relishing in the fact that no matter if he did claim to hate himself this week, every time he came after a long day it would be at the thought of me. So I’m pulling out every stop, every theatric - I’m going to make this magical. 

I was already fucking him dumb and I had barely used my mouth yet. We had a lot of work to do, to mold him into the kind of partner I knew he yearned to be. And whether we continued to pretend to be ‘friends with benefits’ while he learned, or he decided he wanted more- I didn’t care. Because I knew this man wanted to dominate, and I was dedicated to getting it out of him. 

When I got no verbal response my hand stopped moving and I gently tap the head of his cock against my tongue getting his attention. “Words.” I said softly, smiling sweetly as I waited for a response. “Hard. H-hard. Please.” He said and I continued as he requested and he grunts “fuck yes…mmm twist baby like-“ he moans louder when I oblige. “Yes. Yes.” he breathed and I smirked, moving my hand faster. 

“Good boy, I love it when you tell me what feels good” I said and my hand that was on his stomach travels to his v-line, my forefinger soothingly stroking as I took his tip in my mouth, he lets out the hottest noise between a moan and a cry that I’d heard a man make, before I heard the sounds of the fabric beginning to give beneath his death grip. I pulled my lips off and stopped my hand from jacking him off, taking my hand off his stomach and pulling my hair out of the bun it was in. 

His eyes shot open as soon as I stopped, a small gasp tumbling from his lips as my tight curly bangs fell over my forehead, when they were blown out they were the 80s look I loved to achieve with my hair- but my bangs were extra curly naturally since they weren’t weighed down like the rest of my hair and I’d gotten it wet last night. I pushed it off my shoulders, taking his hand and putting it on my head. “Go as hard as you want. I’ll squeeze you twice if it’s too much.” I said and started again before he could reply. 

He whined hotly as I took him down inch by inch until he was lightly hitting the back of my throat, he was mostly just stroking the back of my head but when he felt me swallow around his tip it was like something in him flicked on. He grips the back of my hair “f-fuck- god do that again- fuck do it again Winnie” he said, pushing my head down gently. I closed my eyes, saying a silent and quick prayer to every god ever that I’d fully digested my breakfast, and that my gag reflex had gotten much better since trying to train it with my toothbrush before bed the past few years. 

I took a deep breath, before fully relaxing my throat and pushing his tip past my tastebuds and I gently stroke his thighs, more to soothe myself that I could do it, before pushing deeper. He cries out, moaning what sounded more like a pleasured growl, his fingers tugging my hair lightly. I knew I had to stop pushing before I either hurt myself or actually gag and embarrass myself. I swallowed around him slowly, my throat fluttering around him for a few moments. 

I feel his muscles all tense beneath me, his abs tightened, stomach clenched, fingers digging into my scalp, eyes screwed shut, veins protruding in his neck. He would be cumming in the next few seconds so - I stopped. I pull off, sitting up, a string of saliva pulling from his cock to my lips as I did so. My lips swollen, jaw sore, chin and neck slick with saliva. I smirked as he gasps, his orgasm flowing away like dandelion seeds in the breeze and he looked at me, his pupils blown with lust. 

“W-why. Why did you stop?” He asked, he almost sounded angry. I shrug, “do you deserve to cum, Carm? You you deserve to feel good?” My fingers dance around his stomach and v line causing goosebumps to appear on his skin and his cock twitches, aching to be touched. “Please Winnie, fucking- let me finish” he grumbled, looking at the ceiling. 

“Let you” I scoff. “Do you even think you deserve that. Carmen? Hm? Put enough hours in this week? Plan enough new catering orders?” I taunt, goading him into showing me any thread of dominance in him I could tug on. He looks at me, his eyes darkening “suck my fucking cock. Winnie.” he ordered and I smirk. “Ooo, making demands now, I only serve those who deserve it” I drag my forefinger from his balls to his tip, smiling at the reaction of his stomach clenching and cock jumping in a twitch. 

“I deserve it” he grumbled, not meeting my eyes. “Hm?” I hum, ghosting my hand around his cock but not gripping it. “I said I fucking deserve it” he looks into my eyes as he said it. I lean down taking him back in my mouth and he sighs in relief, I pump the bottom half of his length as I take him back into my throat. It was barely 2 minutes of him spilling profanity, muttering my name, whines and moans, and only swallowing around him 2 times before I felt him fully tense up again, and an enormous load shot down the back of my throat, so much that I had to swallow 2 times after pulling off of him to get it all down.  

“Holy shit” I laugh taking a deep breath and he was laid there, trying to catch his breath “sorry” he said between breaths, eyes blissfully shut and cheeks flushed as well as his chest from his release. “No its…it’s fine just. Holy shit. You just dumped a generation down my throat” I joked and he laughs lightly.  

I quickly fix his boxers and laid next to him after pulling my shirt back on. “How the fuck did you do that?” He asked and I shrug a bit, pushing my hair behind my shoulders. “Dunno. Just tried it. Glad you like it though. How’d it feel?” I asked and he blushed, averting my gaze shyly. “Uh…” he furrows his eyebrows thinking. “Kinda like…your pussy but … like way tighter, and harder if that makes sense.” He looked back at me and I giggle. 

“Hm…ok. It was kinda cool, also really hot, also pretty freaky- when I went to wipe my chin, my hand touched my throat and I felt your dick like…” I giggle, covering my mouth at his shocked expression. “Holy fuck that’s hot” he said and I nod. “Felt weird. I’ll have you feel it next time” I said and yawned a bit, sitting up. 

“I’m gonna brush my teeth then you wanna nap?” I asked and he nodded “I’m not sure why- we’ve done basically nothing but I’m exhausted.” He said and rubs his face. I shrugged, “just your body catching up while it can on rest. I’ll be back.” I said and padded off to the bathroom. 

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