#listen. i grew up (and still live with) a huge braves fan

[ethn11winter24]

Native American Caricatures in Sports

by Melissa Thomas

Sports need mascots.  Apparently.  A team name is rarely enough; the team needs a face, an easily marketable object that won’t change as frequently as the players.  It’s usually associated with the team name, of course, and this is fairly easy when you have teams named after animals – the Cardinals, the Diamondbacks, the Hornets (hi).  But what about when you have a team… named after a group of people?

Throughout the decades of organized sports, names and mascots have come and gone.  Teams move, get renamed, or even get dissolved.  And yet, through all of that, team names like the Washington Redskins and the Cleveland Indians survived for years amidst controversy and urging for their removal.  Both of these names have been successfully changed, but only in the last few years – the teams retired their appropriative logos in 2019, with official name changes occurring at the start of each team’s 2022 season.  The use of Native American caricatures as team names and mascots is not new, nor is it over.

In 1968, the National Congress of American Indians (NCAI) began its push to abolish these mascots as appropriation of Native American culture and negative stereotyping.  At this point, the Cleveland Indians had been using their name for fifty-three years – it would be another fifty-four before that change would finally come.  The NCAI had multiple other attempts in the intervening years, including resolutions in 1993 and 2005.  In 2005, the American Psychological Association (APA; yes, as in the citation style) called for the immediate retirement of all Native American caricature mascots across all American sports – from the high school level to the professional – as well as other non-sports organizations.  The APA declared that research had shown the negative effects of the use of these mascots on both people of indigenous descent and those not of indigenous descent, coloring their perspective on Native Americans and their culture.

All of these efforts have led to incomplete successes across the United States.  The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) officially banned the use of Native American caricature in college-level sports in 2005, with the support of the NCAI.  The only teams who remain are those with special permission from the NCAI and their ‘namesake’ tribes.  The Washington Redskins finally removed their name and logo in 2019, being known simply as the ‘Washington Football Team’ until their new name of the Washington Commanders was introduced in 2022.  Similarly, the Cleveland Indians discontinued their use of their old mascot, ‘Chief Wahoo’ (yeesh), in 2019, with an official name change to the Cleveland Guardians occurring in 2022.

These changes have not been without their pushbacks, and not every team with Native American name origins has jumped on board.  The Cleveland Guardians received a ton of public backlash for their proposed name change, despite a general outpouring of support from their actual fans – the new name was actually chosen by popular vote, with zero Native American stereotypes or connections.  The Atlanta Braves, on the other hand, have largely refused to change their name (being a reference to ‘Indian braves’ or warriors) or their tomahawk branding.  The Braves do, however, regularly work with their closest tribe, the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians, who support them – though, most people stand with the official stance of the NCAI, that, at the very least, the ‘tomahawk chop’ chant needs to go.

This is still happening. This is still a process. But putting all of this in the public eye is, frankly, the only way this is going to get changed.

Sources:

“APA Resolution Recommending the Immediate Retirement of American Indian Mascots, Symbols, Images, and Personalities by Schools, Colleges, Universities, Athletic Teams, and Organizations.” APA.org. apa.org/pi/oema/resources/indian-mascots

Dunbar-Ortiz, Roxanne, and Dina Gilio-Whitaker. “All the Real Indians Died off”: And 20 Other Myths about Native Americans. Beacon Press, 2016.

Fryberg, Stephanie A., et al. “Of Warrior Chiefs and Indian Princesses: The Psychological Consequences of American Indian Mascots.” Psychology Press, 2008. https://doi.org/10.1080/01973530802375003 (http://www.indianmascots.com/fryberg--web-psychological_.pdf)

[lixzey]

Letters

info: mentions of blood, car accident, foster home, and death

The Eleventh Letter

Timothée Chalamet is one of the most loved actors in the world. He had girls all over the world who love him. But there's one girl, the most special in his eyes. Not that he's biased—or maybe he is, but Y/N made him feel things no other girl ever had. Timothée had dated his fair share of women: Madonna's daughter: Lourdes, Johnny Depp's daughter: Lily-Rose, hell he even dated Kylie Jenner. But none of them compare to Y/N L/N. 

Yes, she was hurting—he couldn't deny that she was broken but Timothée hoped that she was alright and still breathing the same air as him. He wanted to help her or whatever it was she wanted. He didn't understand it, she was just another fan in the eyes of everyone else. Yet, here he was flying half across the continent to find her even if he had no clue whether she was at the address his Private Investigator found or not. It was a huge leap of faith, but he didn't mind. He needed to find her, he needed to let her know that he was listening, he needed to be there for her during her battles. But, what would happen when he finally sees her? Would she be happy?

Would he be devastated? Timothée looked at her picture again. Her beautiful smile, he could've sworn her laugh could light up the whole room. He wanted to run his fingers through her long hair—which made him feel like a creep for wanting to do that to a girl who he'll meet for the very first time. He wondered what it would feel like to have her in his arms. Y/N looked delicate like a flower—and if he'd wrap her in his arms, she would break. But deep down, Timothée knew that wasn't the case. Y/N was strong and brave, like a soldier going into war. Though, he still wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything would be alright and soon daylight will come. 

Timothée closed his wallet and put it back in his pocket. He then reached for the eight unopened letters in his carry on backpack. He took the eleventh letter from the stack, and put the rest back. Timothée gently ripped open the envelope, it was dated August 5th, 2023. 

Dear Timothée, 

Can you keep a secret?

I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you everything so badly, I want you to understand who I am, who I was, and who I'm going to be. 

Well, here it goes. I hope you don't 'betray' me. Who am I kidding? Anyways….

I was ten. I was ten fucking years old when life decided to fuck me up. My parents died in a car accident. I was in that accident, unfortunately, I survived. My mother used her body as a shield to protect me. I was crying loud because I was scared—what kid wouldn't be scared? My mother was bleeding, my father was unconscious, and still my mother was whispering softly in my ear that everything was going to be okay. Everything else was a blur, that's all that I remembered. The next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital—alone and confused. 

I always ask myself, “Why did it have to be me?” I used to be this happy kid, with a happy family. And now? I'm this broken girl who doesn't know what else to do with her life. 

You might as now call me The Girl Who Lived. Yeah, yeah, I know I quoted Harry Potter.

My parents couldn't have any children. My mother had been told that it was nearly impossible for her to bear a child, but then after years of trying, I was born. 

I was a miracle, their little miracle. I was almost named Miracle, you know. My parents said I brought light into their lives. I made everything in their lives brighter and full of meaning. I was the gift they waited so long for. 

My life was full of love and happiness. I grew up seeing my parents be in love. I always wanted to fall in love like how my parents did, as a kid I thought of their love story as something that came out of a fairytale book. It's kinda cliché, but I loved it. They started out in college as pen pals, it was random really, because my father wasn't supposed to get my mother's letters because they were for someone else, who had the same name as my father. They exchanged letters without my mother knowing that the one who's replying to her letters wasn't the one she really intended. But they fell in love. Yeah, my mom did get mad at my dad for lying, but dad was persistent. He apologized every day for that until they graduated college. After college, they met again at a café where mom worked. Sparks flew, and after two years they got married. After six years, they had me. Ten years later, they died. 

I wish I had died in that accident too. I wouldn't have spent the past eleven years in complete misery. Two days after my parents' funeral, I was sent to a foster home, until my aunt from my father's side could pick me up.

The day my aunt picked me up, my life became hell.

I can't write anymore Tim, fuck. I'm sorry, I just can't write anymore—tears are clouding my vision. I'll tell you more in my next letter, I promise. 

All my love, 

Y/N, The Girl Who Should've Died. 

p.s: sorry for the tear stains.

Timothée stared at the tear stains at the end of the paper—he could feel her pain just by looking at how much her tears stained the paper. He let out a shaky breath, before tucking the letter back in its envelope. He then looked at the remaining seven letters, waiting to be read. Timothée wanted to just teleport to where this girl was, if she was okay or not—he really wanted to hug her tight. This girl, Y/N, went through so much at a young age. He thought about what could possibly have happened when she started to live with her aunt. He assumed that her aunt mistreated her, and he felt a surge of anger course through his veins. How could someone hurt a child who had lost her parents? He wanted to hurt them, hell he wanted to punch someone right then and there on the plane. He was fuming, he was having trouble calming down. If he didn't he'd get arrested, and that won't be good. Timothée took a deep breath and opened his wallet again. The sight of Y/N's smile calmed him down. 

“Y/N, oh Y/N. Why do you make me feel like this?” Timothée muttered, the pad of his thumb caressing the photo as if he was trying to wipe her tears away. Timothée wanted nothing more than to be there for her right now. Before Y/N's letters, he was a normal guy—a normal actor, technically—but Y/N made him travel across the country just to find her, or even get a glimpse of her. There was something, and that something was pulling him in deep—deeper than he had ever been before. 

Who would've thought that Timothée Chalamet would fall in love with a girl who wrote him letters?

@helens3amstuff @gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @lovemelikecrazyiloveyoucrazy @bobthe-turmpetman29

[nanamin-nah-nanamine]

HI ANGEL god i love this okay so i’d love a matchup with someone from jjk, please. i do have a favourite, and i do have a type…so i’m curious to see who i’m matched with. i’m a leo stellium — leo sun/rising/mercury/mars w/ a pisces moon and a virgo venus. i’m also an enfp. i’m a bit of a firecracker. passionate and intense, feisty and emotional, spoiled and demanding, principled and loyal and incredibly romantic. i’d like to think i’m brave. i’m not afraid to fight for what i believe in. i’m also the eldest daughter, and a bit of a perfectionist. i’m a huge city girl, and i enjoy reading, writing, shopping, and curating hyper-specific Spotify playlists. i also love doing my skincare and makeup, and have an extensive shower and self-care routine that gives me almost the same benefits as therapy does. i adore late night drives, sunny but cold weather, the mountains, and the city lights. i grew up amongst skyscrapers, and i couldn’t live without them. my favourite way to spend a night out is with my girlfriends, going from one swanky bar to the next, exploring new restaurants, giggling and gossiping the entire time. i’m not a big fan of the outdoors, or of bugs, lizards, amphibians, stinginess, and indecision. i talk a lot, i love talking. i suppose it’s why i tend to gravitate to people opposite from me. i get along best with them, i think. my best friends are both introverts and i’ve always had a thing for quieter men (especially those of the darker-haired, slightly brooding variety). i’m still discovering my style but i know i like stuff that’s bolder, a little glamorous, and i’m a huge bootcut jeans girl. perhaps a little y2k inspired? i only really wear gold jewellery, but i’m trying to mix metals at the moment. i’m plus-sized and just started working out! thank you so much. x

Baby girl what a lovely day because you’re getting matched with….🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Geto Suguru!!🥴

You didn’t even have to say you had a type, I read the first few lines and I was already thinking about mister Sugs🤭

This man adores you, we all know he tends to go for someone on the more extroverted spectrum and there’s nothing more our little Aquarius needs than a fire sign to keep him on his toes. He LOVES how passionate you get when you’re standing up for what you believe in, he’s also not above ticking you off on purpose just to hear your voice if he’s feeling particularly needy.

Who are we kidding, homies first love was a clan member so we know he loves a MATERIAL GWORL

Don’t even THINK about pulling your card out when you’re with him. He’s paying for everything + your girlfriends things because he got it like that(especially in his cult leader era😩)

He’s the type to let you do your own thing but to walk behind you and glare like the big guard dog he is. But if you say come, he’s by your side within seconds.

Treats you like his queen and practically worships you, doesn’t make any big decisions without asking you first.

I’m pretty sure he’s an only child meaning he’s a little used to things being his way, but if you want something it’s yes ma’am and no questions.

Basically whatever you want is yours baby💖

Activists you two do together….

• walks late at night when the earth is still

• beach trips

• have picnics and listen to music

[xxoxobree]

hi angel, i’ve been really into matchups recently — a coping mechanism for how stressed uni has me. i’d love a matchup with one of the jjk men please? i do have a favourite, and i do have a type…so i’m curious to see who i’d be matched with. i’m a leo stellium — leo sun/rising/mercury/mars w/ a pisces moon and a virgo venus. i’m also an enfp. i’m a bit of a firecracker. passionate and intense, feisty and emotional, spoiled and demanding, principled and loyal and incredibly romantic. i’d like to think i’m brave. i’m not afraid to fight for what i believe in. i’m also the eldest daughter, and a bit of a perfectionist. i’m a huge city girl, and i enjoy reading, writing, shopping, and curating hyper-specific Spotify playlists. i also love doing my skincare and makeup, and have an extensive shower and self-care routine that gives me almost the same benefits as therapy does. i adore late night drives, sunny but cold weather, the mountains, and the city lights. i grew up amongst skyscrapers, and i couldn’t live without them. my favourite way to spend a night out is with my girlfriends, going from one swanky bar to the next, exploring new restaurants, giggling and gossiping the entire time. i’m not a big fan of the outdoors, or of bugs, lizards, amphibians, stinginess, and indecision. i talk a lot, i love talking. i suppose it’s why i tend to gravitate to people opposite from me. my best friends are both introverts and i’ve always had a thing for quieter men. i’m still discovering my style but i know i like stuff that’s bolder and a little glamorous. i’m a huge bootcut jeans girl. i only really wear gold jewellery, but i’m trying to mix metals at the moment. thank you so much. x

Oh girl 🫢😭 I wanna be your friend, you seem sooo fun..

It’s Giving Princess Satoru

Gossip sessions with him could you imagine his input ? 😂😂😂

Spoiled and demanding ? No problem anything you want it’s yours. Maybe he’ll make you beg just a little bit for the fun of it.

Gojo is a Sagittarius tho (Sag gang ♐️🤪) so it’d be interesting to see two fire signs together, maybe you two would burn each other out ?

Cherishes your loyalty and appreciates you so much for being there for him. Rewards you for it (Geto ptsd.)

Let’s you do skin care on him, will remind you to do the skin care routine on him.

Will walk with you to see the city lights, loves the, too.

Loves that you have a good moral compass and sense of self, will ask you your opinion on everything before he makes big decisions. Ask your opinion on random stuff to just to make sure what he thinks is normal.

Will put in effort and go the extra miles when it comes to dates. It’s an ego stroke when you tell him how great the night was.

Probably doesn’t listen to a lot of music so he does take your suggestions on songs will talk to you about the songs after he’s listened.

He WILL, be one of the girls and go bar hopping with you if you let him, but he’s fun so no one minds that he’s there

[onlyfreds]

Hugs and Kisses | F.W.

Title: Hugs and Kisses

Requested: Yes/No

Summary: Y/N is not a big fan of physical contact and Fred finds out why.

Warning/s: mentions of abuse, violence, mentions of physical abuse in the past, mention of a gun, bruises

Flashbacks are in italics.

Like everyone else, I have a pet peeve.

Mine was physical contact. Not that I didn’t like touching others, I was fine if someone rested their elbow on my shoulder, but hugging, holding hands, putting an arm around someone’s shoulder/waist. No thanks.

I was walking out of the library with Angelina when I suddenly felt an elbow rest on my right shoulder.

I breathed in the familiar scent of cinnamon and firework powder.

“Hey Freddie.” I said, turning to ginger by my side.

“Hey Princess.” He said, keeping his elbow on my shoulder as George appeared next to Angelina and the four of us started to head towards the common room.

Butterflies flew around in my stomach at the nickname, hopefully the blush on my cheeks wasn’t that visible.

“You guys remember the first time Fred attempted to put an arm around Y/N?” George asked, out of the blue, causing Angelina, Fred and I to laugh.

“Oh yeah.” Angelina said, “That was so hilarious.”

Snow lightly dropped down from the heavens. Painting the ground white and letting out a small chill into the air.

The twins and I were building a snowman outside, very innocent and calm from the usual chaos and havoc we caused, but who doesn’t enjoy building a snowman?

But that peaceful atmosphere was soon destroyed when George threw a snowball at Fred. Thus, the peaceful activity of building a snowman soon transitioned into a huge chaotic snowball fight.

“Oi!” I scolded as a poorly aimed snowball from Fred hit my shoulder.

I scooped up some snow, it was time to join the fun.

--

“Okay! Okay! I give up!” George said, both hands up in mock surrender as he came out from behind the tree he was hiding.

A smirk grew on Fred’s lips, “See? You can’t beat the dream team.” He teased as he put an arm around my shoulder.

Out of instinct, I immediately pulled away, looking up to see Fred and George both taken aback.

“Sorry.” Fred immediately apologized, “Did I make you uncomfortable or anything?”

I shook my head, “No. You could never make me uncomfortable. It’s just, I’m not a huge fan of physical contact.”

The twins looked at each other, probably using their twin telepathy to communicate.

“Any type of physical contact?” George asked.

I shrugged, “Not all. I suppose that there are exceptions.”

Fred then stepped forward, cautiously resting his elbow on my shoulder, “Is this okay?”

I nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay.”

“Fred’s face was absolutely priceless.” George said, aiming a teasing smile at his twin, “He looked he’d been given an electric shock.”

“Maybe he couldn’t believe that the prettiest girl he ever laid eyes on would react like that.” Angelina added.

I rolled my eyes at the both of them, “Piss off you two before I smother you two with the nearest deadly object I find.”

Angelina scoffed, “What? Don’t tell me you don’t agree.”

I tried to stop the blush that was rising up to my cheeks, “Oh for Merlin’s sake, give me a break Angie.”

--

I sat on the couch by the common room fire, the clock had struck one a few minutes ago but I can’t seem to put down the book I was holding.

The quiet rustling of the page being turned mixed in perfectly with the soft cackling of the fireplace.

Just as the climax was put in motion, the tension between the two lovers was growing with each passing moment, and just as if Merlin had a grudge against me, the book was suddenly snatched out of my hands.

“Hey!” I complained, looking up at the culprit to see the grinning face of a certain Weasley.

“Fred!” I whined, crossing my arms over my chest, “Why?”

He chuckled, taking a seat next to me as he took the bookmark from my hands and placed it on the page I was reading before closing the book and placing on the table next to the couch, “It’s already one in the morning and you’re still reading.”

“So?” I huffed, “Just because you have never read a book in a day of your life doesn’t mean I can’t.”

He laughed, “Shouldn’t you be sleeping instead of waiting for the two lovers to just suck it up and kiss at the ungodly hours of the morning?”

I smiled, “That’s because I need answers. Besides, I could ask you the same thing, shouldn’t you be sleeping instead of bothering me?”

Fred laughed, playing with my hair, “When did I bother you?”

I shrugged teasingly, “I don’t know. Perhaps now.”

The two of us laughed before falling into comfortable silence, his hands still playing with my hair.

“Darling, can I ask you a question?” Fred suddenly said, breaking through the silence.

I looked up at him, “Sure.”

He combed his hand through his hair, “This might be kinda sensitive. But why aren’t you a big fan of physical contact?”

I bit my lip, avoiding his gaze, contemplating whether I should tell Fred the truth or not.

The smashing of glass that came from the kitchen could be heard even from the closed door of my bedroom.

The yelling from another one of my parents’ argument echoed through the walls of the house.

Then there was a thud, causing me to wince. He must’ve hit her again; it’s being going on for years. He made her promise not tell, he swore that if she did, he would kill me.

So, she never told anyone. She covered every single evidence up with makeup and kept a smile on her lips at every family gathering we attended. No matter how many times she told me that it was okay, I knew that she wasn’t.

I took in a shaky breath as I heard nothing but silence. I slowly opened the door of my bedroom, the creak probably being the loudest sound in the house.

I was about to head to the kitchen when I was that the door to my parents’ bedroom was opened ajar, I took a peek to see my mum stuffing her clothes into a gym bag.

Her shirt was riding up a bit, exposing the almost-black bruises that was littered across her back and, as far as I knew, the rest of her body.

“Mummy?” I said, the fear inside me growing with every passing minute.

She turned to face me, quickly wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Hey sweetie.” She said, her voice a little hoarse as she stooped down to my height, “I want you to pack every important belonging you have. Okay honey? Just like we practiced.”

I nodded, running back to my room as I took the small gym bag I hid under my bed and stuffed every essential thing I could.

My mum held my hand tightly as we tiptoed through the living room, our freedom from this nightmare was just around the corner.

I looked around the living room, it looked like a storm had just passed by. Shards of glass was shattered everywhere, random things that have been thrown laid on the floor. Picture frames that once hang on the walls rested on the cement floor, shattered, broken, just like their promise of forever.

What once was a place of comfort and safety, a home, turned into a place of fear and pain, turned into hell.

Mum was just about to reach for the door handle, the only thing separating us from freedom.

“Where do you two think you’re going?” A cold, furious voice asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mum asked, turning to face my father as she clutched my hand tighter, “We’re leaving.”

My father gave a humorless chuckle, “Acting all tough now huh? What if I don’t let you.”

Mum stepped in front of me protectively, shielding me from my father, “I don’t give a damn on what you think anymore! I had enough and we’re leaving whether you like it or not!”

Before mum could reach the handle, my father pulled her away by the back of her shirt then smacked her across the face. The force had been enough to knock her over to the coffee table.

I stood there, frozen in fear, thinking for a moment that the force was enough to kill her. Once I realized that she was alright, I immediately ran to her side.

I shot my father a death glare, and did what I thought was pretty brave (or stupid) for a toddler, I ran towards him and tried to push him away. Which, obviously, had no effect.

He looked down at me with burning rage, pulling me by the hair as tears started to stream down my cheeks. Next thing I knew, a gun was pointed to my temple.

“I dare you. Walk out that door.” He threatened, tightening his grip on me, “I promise you that your daughter won’t ever be able to see another light of day.”

“Darling?” Fred’s voice pulled me out of my flashback, “Are you okay?”

I looked back at him, not realizing the tears that were dripping down my cheeks.

Without a word, he was about to put his arm around me when he stopped in his tracks. He looked at me for a moment, silently asking me for permission.

I nodded, scooting closer to him as I rested my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat.

I hated physical contact. But Fred was an exemption to that rule, or at least for now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly.

I sniffed, wiping away the remaining tears from my eyes, “My dad used to physically abuse my mum. Whenever she made a mistake or talked back to him, he would hit her brutally. He made her swore not to tell anyone or else he’ll kill me. One day, my mum had enough so the two of us were supposed to escape but he caught us. He hit my mum then pointed a gun at my head. I really thought that I was going to die. Luckily for us, our neighbor suspected that something was wrong and called the police. They arrested him then my mum and I lived at my grandma’s house. Since that day, I knew that I hated physical contact.”

Fred rubbed my back comfortingly, stunned with my confession, “I’m your best friend and I didn’t know that you went through all that.”

I sniffed, “No one did.”

“But,” Fred continued, “Not every physical contact would hurt you. If you want, I can show you.”

I gave him a hesitant smile, “I don’t know Freddie.”

“Look, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. But, if you want, let’s try it for a week. If it still makes you uneasy, then just say the word and we’ll stop.” He offered.

I licked my lips, “Okay. Let’s try it.”

--

It was a Saturday morning, Angelina, Alicia and I were eating breakfast while discussing Alicia’s recent date with Ravenclaw keeper, Roger Davies.

“He is just absolutely amazing.” Alicia said, obviously swooning over the guy.

“I call dibs on the maid of honor!” Angelina suddenly said.

“Hey!” I complained, taking a sip of pumpkin juice, “You already called dibs on maid of honor for my wedding you can’t call dibs on Alicia’s wedding too!”

I then pointed a finger at Alicia, “I call dibs on maid of honor.”

“What’s all this talk about weddings?” George asked with a teasing grin as he sat down next to Angelina.

“Oh nothing.” I said as the older twin took a seat next to me, “We were just planning Alicia’s future wedding.”

“Wedding huh?” Fred teased, putting an arm around my shoulder, causing me to tense up at first before relaxing into his touch, “Didn’t think of you three as wedding planners.”

No answer or retort came as George, Angelina and Alicia stared at Fred’s arm that was around my shoulder, their mouths slightly agape.

“Fred.” George tried to say, thinking his twin had done it accidentally.

“Don’t you remember?” Angelina and Alicia said at the same time.

He gave them a small, reassuring smile, “Don’t worry guys. Y/N and I talked last night and she willing to give this whole thing a try.”

I nodded, “I told him the reason why I wasn’t a big fan of physical contact and he offered to show how good it is.”

“So, what’s the reason?” Alicia asked.

Fred and I exchanged a look, then he said, “I think that would be a secret between Y/N and I for now.”

His answer was met with the overlapping chatter of the group.

“What?”

“That’s no fair.”

“Why does Fred get to know but we don’t?”

Fred put both his hands up, palms facing outwards, commanding silence, “Look, I’m sure that she’ll tell you the whole story once she’s ready. But for now, we should respect her decision.”

The group nodded in agreement.

Fred clapped his hands together with a small smile, “Great! Now going back to Alicia’s wedding planning, who’s the groom?”

--

Fred and I were hanging out by the courtyard, watching the sunset, his arm resting across my waist.

For the rest of the day since breakfast, Fred would frequently put an arm around my shoulder or waist.

At first, it felt a bit weird to feel his arm around me but by the afternoon I was used to it.

I had to admit, it felt nice.

“You okay?” He asked.

I nodded, giving him a small smile, “Yeah.”

“Are you sure your fine with this arrangement? Because if your uncomfortable we can stop.” He said.

I giggled, “Honestly Freddie, I’m fine. It actually feels better than I expected.”

He grinned, “Oh darling, just wait until I spoil you with hugs.”

His tone then turned serious, “Thank you for trusting me with your secret.”

I smiled up at him, “I’d trust you with my life Freddie.”

--

Over the next few weeks, Fred every physical contact as possible.

He was right, not every touch would hurt me.

I enjoyed every single one of his hugs, whenever he would place his arm around my shoulders or waist. He always seemed to find an excuse just to hold me close to him. I had to admit, there was something comforting about being so close to him, that I regretted not trying this out sooner.

“Penny for your thoughts darling?” Fred asked, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I turned around to face him, “Nothing much.”

“So, how does you feel about physical contact now?” He asked with a sly smile.

“I’m loving it.” I said returning the smile, “Thank you so much for showing me how good it is.”

He laughed, “Well I think that there is another form of physical contact you might like.”

I raised a brow at him, “Oh yeah? What is it?”

He slowly leaned forward and connected our lips together in a hungry and desperate kiss, all those years of pent-up feelings being poured into that kiss.

His hands rested on my waist as I cupped his cheeks in my hands.

Even if it was happening right in the moment, I still couldn’t believe that my best friend, my crush ever since first year was kissing me.

We pulled away for a minute before he reconnected our lips together again, this time it was slow and sloppy but full with passion.

Once we pulled away, Fred rested his forehand against mine, both of us breathless and cheeks painted a deep shade of red.

“I liked you for such a long time.” He whispered, “I have never met anyone so cute, so stunning, so intelligent, so funny and so damn hot and sexy. I have never been so in love and wanted anyone more than you. So, will you be my girlfriend?”

I smiled, “Please tell me that I’m not dreaming.”

He chuckled, tracing a finger over my arm, watching the goosebumps erupt from it, “I’m positive that you’re not dreaming.”

I giggled, “Then I would absolutely love to be yours. I would love to be able to hug you, hold your hand and kiss you. Thank you for showing me how it feels to be loved by someone so perfect.”

𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝:

@lumosandnoxwriting​​ @gostupid-godumb​​ @fandomhideout @nova-darling @gaycatlord-stuff​​  @pandaxnienke @escapingrealitybyreading​​ @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts​​​ (Send a Message/Ask or fill out my taglist form if you want to be added!)

[hekatekun]

hiii i really really love the way you write and the themes you touch on in your posts id love to hear if theres any books/media that influenced your writing style + the things you focus on in your analyses !

omg hiiii thank you<3 this got annoying so lemme put it under cut lol

This is actually really hard for me to pin down I've been racking my brains over this one. I tend to be a little bit of everywhere, just whatever catches my interest at the time. Most of my personal reading is nonfiction within the realm of philosophy/theology + history + english criticism; whatever fiction I do get around to tends to be horror and/or satire. House of Leaves by MZD actually has just about everything that tickles my fancy. Finally read it beginning of 2021 and I truly haven't been the same since. That's definitely a big one.

But to give you an idea here's the pile of books I'm looking at on my desk as I type this is: an anthology of John Wesley's sermons (founder of Methodism), House of Leaves, an anthology of Percy Shelley's poetry + prose, "The Sphinx in the City" essays on urban living + feminism, the communist manifesto, a dissertation on the influence of Hermann Hesse in Japan, "Thank God for the Atom Bomb" essays by a "conservative cultural critic", and how could i forget the 70pgs of the unabomber's manifesto i printed out.

Currently been slowly making my way through "Romanticism and Consciousness" which are essays on the historical/political background influencing Romantic literature. More often than not I tend to look for essays and critical readings of works before I actually do read said work proper. I don't recommend this btw I just never listen to my own advice. But like, this book inspired me to buy the Shelley anthology. And some of the essays in the Shelley anthology analyzing him I actually found online weeks prior and added them to my digital library. I'd rather read them physically, as I tend to highlight my books. I find highlighting + margin notes really help me stay focused otherwise simply Sitting And Reading makes me go a lil nutz unless the book really is that good. I backed an artist's first comic book that had me ensnared recently. Independent comics tend to do a number on me. Yes I'm still a huge homestuck fan. Will be going 8 years strong.

I reread Brave New World late 2020 after, somehow, getting my hands on it in middle school. Comparing the way the protagonist kills himself at the end vs trying to read Huxley's theological pieces, he should've stuck to the racist satire. I'm still gonna try to finish the Perennial Philosophy, though. All this rambling has me realizing the childhood series I grew up on was A Series of Unfortunate Events, so I think I'm starting to notice a trend.

But actually the biggest media type I consume is games I fucking love video games. I think I cried playing Disco Elysium. I wish more games understood its medium as well as DE. I think that's really what you have to find is stuff that understands its medium. Ososan is a show that is really fucking good at being a tv show, and I think it helps because it doesn't necessarily draw from anything prior because it's such a different beast from osokun (the ososan manga actually came out like a few months after it aired I learned recently).

I don't watch many movies or shows, and the ones I do make me really wanna read the original source material just so I could compare (A Clockwork Orange, American Psycho). I just last watched the Belladonna of Sadness and I think that's an animated movie that understands it's an animated movie. Why go for realism when you've got watercolors?

My other main criteria for any piece of work is that it makes me want to pick up smoking. I don't think I could explain this further if you asked.

Aside from. Any of whatever I just said. My writing background is largely academic with some journalistic experience. It makes media analysis really easy. It also helps that there's technically no wrong answer when it comes to critical readings, just like any school essay you just have to be able to back up your claims with evidence and articulate the connections you see. Prose is a new beast that I am attempting to tame but I think 1. You need to have fun with the learning process and I do in fact enjoy learning. This includes a willingness to examine and reexamine your own words even after you're done working on a piece and analyzing what you can/need to improve on. 2. I really enjoy being able to construct a sentence in a million different ways and I will always have a tab open for the Merriam-Webster dictionary-thesaurus while writing ANYTHING. 3. Did I mention having fun? I really have fun writing I love writing as a hobbyist. 4. Consume and question everything in equal measure. This will eventually produce something.

[shipmistress9]

D E F G H I J K L M N O P, Q R S T U V, W X Y and Z 😇😉. I sung the alphabet while writing this as well 😂. You don’t have to answer all of them though, just pick which ones you want 😊.

🤣🤣🤣

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

My fandom life would be easier if I liked Heathstrid at least a little bit... But I can’t and I don’t really want to, either...

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

The oneshots Spin The Bottle and Pick Me Up.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

Given that I only learned about the existence of fandom as a concept in late 2016, the longest I’ve ever been in a fandom is roughly 4,5 years.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Many! Currently it’s Hiccstrid and Hicretstrid. And maybe a little Zelink. But thinking back, I think my very first OTP was when I was around five years old. From the Captain Tsubasa anime series, Tsubasa and... I don’t even know her name... 🤣 There was this girl who always cheered him on and was his no.1 fan. ANd in hindsight, I think I also shipped Tsubasa... with nearly all other players, mainly, Taro Misaki, Jun Misugi, and Kojiro Hyuga. 🤣

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

TV-shows, mostly. I prefer the visuals over books and I prefer the slower development over those in movies.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Not caused me to stop liking them. But in some cases (ATLA and TDP, to name two) it raised my expectations so high that, when I finally got to dip into them, I was rather underwhelmed. It also didn’t help that I already knew the ending and some major plot points. If there’s one sure way to dampen my excitement it’s spoilers.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Supernatural. Pretty much all other fandoms I dip into occasionally, I knew at least a little before. But literally everything I know about Supernatural is from seeing posts here. 🤣

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

I can’t think of an individual character right now, but in general an arc I like is someone (re-)learning to trust.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

Snotlout has a great relationship with his dragon. Valka, too. Gobber and the twins are always fun, in their own ways.

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Already answered before.

Hmm... First, I wanted to say Astrid. And I'd enjoy having her as a friend, as someone to challenges me to be more active, to work on my skills and someone to talk.

But I think, I'd enjoy being friends with Hiccup, too. I'd like to brainstorm ideas, ponder over inventions and exchange ideas. Geek out about dragons!

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

Acceptance, respect, and some common sense. But that’s not just fandom...

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

My very long list of favoured songs randomly gave me 9 Crimes by Damien Rice. There once was an absolutly stunning AMV with this song about the TV-show The Legend Of The Seeker, The Sword Of Truth (based on the books by Terry Goodkind). I was deeply in love with Richard’s and Kahlan’s relationship, and with Cara on a general level. That AMV featured them all, and I loved it!

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

Oh, oh, oh, oh! I just thought about this modern meet-cute AU for Hiccstrid a few days back, might as well write it down here. (And will also copy it over into an individual post, I think...)

Hiccup is a single father of a three-years-old daughter. One day, he meets Astrid in a supermarket; she’s in front of him at the check-out and when he hears her voice, he’s stunned. Because he knows her voice, hears it every day. Because she lend her voice to one of these talking toys for toddlers.His daughter’s favourite toy.

Hiccup always liked that toy best, too, because it didn’t sound as annoying as most others. Pleasant even. When he sees and hears Astrid, he recognises her voice in an instant. He jokingly thanks her for making his days more bearable. She’s confused, who is this weirdo? So he tries to explain. “The toy. My daughter’s toy. It’s your voice. A pleasant voice. I listen to it every day.” He keeps getting weirder, stammers, turns red like a tomato, until he eventually just flees, wishing a hole would open up to swallow him, that was so embarrassing.

Meanwhile, Astrid is touched. Knowing that there is at least one little girl who likes the toy she helped create. And her father, apparently. Who had been cute. In how shy he’d been. And how excited. She’s sorry he left before she was able to talk to him and thank him.

Over the next days, Hiccup would think of her a lot. Every time he hears her voice again, he’d think of her. Her face. Her smile. Until they, eventually, meet again... ^^

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Answered before

None, really. There are several fandoms I grew out of, like Sailor Moon or Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne. But I wouldn't say I abandoned them. I still enjoy seeing content about them.

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Those of the rider with their dragons. Hiccup&Toothless. Astrid&Stormfly.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Pretty much all of my headcanons are about Hiccstrid in one way or combination. One of my personal favourites is that Astrid has a tiny birthmark on the back of her neck. She doesn’t even know it’s there, she can’t see it and it’s almost always covered by her hair anyway. But Hiccup knows it’s there. And he loves to place a kiss on it. It tickles and would always make her giggle. And she smells so nice.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

*snorts* No. If there are people who don’t share my headcanons, then... they don’t have to? I can live and be friends with people regardless of whether we share the same headcanons or not. And if people keep attacking me for mine, I’ll just block them and walk away. Arguing about something like that is not worth my time.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Astrid. HTTYD.

erm...

uh...

I really have difficulties thinking of favourites from any other fandoms here! xD

uhm...

Princess Zelda from Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Kaladin Stormblessed from the Stormlight Archives.

I might have a type here. Brave, strong, not always easy to deal with. Fiercely loyal. Stubborn. Proud. Honourable. that’s all three of them. ^^

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Same answer as the above, mostly. I think I already wrote a long answer to a similar question once. 🤔 I relate to Astrid in many ways. Loyal and reliable, not always easy to approach, often prefers to deal with her problems on her own instead of asking for help.

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

Anything jealously, especially it being portrayed as a sign of love or dedication. But also love triangles. Unnecessary.

Another thing I don’t like is when there’s a misunderstanding and they argue about it and get angry and yell and have a huge falling-out... when it all just boils down to them not listening.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Answered before.

Forbidden Romance. In any form. I just love the angsty tension it brings without the characters fighting or arguing about misunderstandings.

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?

Supernatural, ATLA, TDP, MCU.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

With all the critical thinking that’s encouraged in fandom culture, I wish more people would remember Ratatouille and this quote by Anton Ego.

“In many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves to our judgment. We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so.”

-- Anton Ego (Ratatouille)

Or at least respect it. It’s called entertainment and not lecture about every little detail that is wrong with other people’s opinions. I get why it’s important to look deeper and question meanings and intentions, I really do. But sometimes, I’d prefer to at least occasionally just enjoy something without getting lectured by others for it.

_____

Thank you! 😘💜

[youngdreamer3214]

Too Late

Disclaimer- I don't own anything.

Jason is former thief, Red X (because I like the thought of Jason being the anti-hero).

The story is set in the future.

It was drizzling ever so lightly, raindrops rested like dew on blades of grass and new washed leaves. Light winds were blowing and the day gave a comforting vibe. The huge glass dome built by Cyborg kept the rain out but gave the view of the beautiful scenery around them.

A hero formerly known as Robin, now Nightwing was adjusting his bow tie and fidgeting in his seat. "Dude, stop fidgeting, it is becoming annoying." Beastboy groaned from sitting right next to him. Nightwing sighed and stilled.

His unmasked eyes held sadness; he looked ahead and saw a handsome man, with broad shoulders and lean body standing in a black tuxedo and an amethyst bow tie and a white boutonniere. His sea green eyes complemented his tanned features. His jet black hair with a lock of white was combed back and the white of his hair made him look a little dangerous, he was Nightwing's adoptive brother, Jason.

A former thief and newly minted hero or for a better term- an ally of the heroes, all thanks to the bride.

Jason looked happy, a smile never leaving his face but his eyes also held a little bit of nervousness. Nightwing looked around and saw his mentor, but right now their father, Bruce Wayne also sitting in the front row with a content smile on his face, clearly happy for his son.

A few other members of the Justice league were also in attendance with all the Titan community present. Beastboy noticed his sad gaze and sighed "I know how you feel…but you know what happened…"

Nightwing sighed and nodded. After a couple of minutes the wedding band started to play and the bridesmaids walked with their respective escorts. Jinx and Bee were the bridesmaids sporting a mid thigh violet dress and a beautiful flower piece in their hair.

Soon after the maid of honor, Starfire walked in wearing the same dress but with different colored flowers in her hair, she was beaming, clearly happy for her best friend. They all took their respective positions near the end of the alter.

Jason and Nightwing's eyes were glued to the entrance; Jason looked happy and ecstatic with a tinge on nervousness in his eyes while Nightwing's eyes held regret. After a couple of moments the bride entered and everyone got up.

Raven looked absolutely stunning; she was wearing a beautiful white mermaid gown, which trailed after her as she walked, the dress was sleeveless and was covering her neck. Above her chest and till the beginning of her neck there was white lace. There was an intricate design decorating the gown. She was wearing emerald ear rings and her hair was curled and pulled up in a voluminous bun. A lock of hair was stylishly pulled out, which was framing her fore head. And a veil was drawn over her mid night blue hair. Lastly her face had a light blush on her cheeks and some make up to enhance her beautiful amethyst eyes. She was smiling brightly and that just made her look more beautiful.

Everything about her anatomy was breath taking; she was holding a blue and green bouquet of flowers while her big brother, Cyborg escorted her down the aisle.

Nightwing saw her wide smile and remembered the time when that smile was directed towards him and him only. And now it was for another man and the worst part was that, that man was his brother.

He saw her giving Cyborg a kiss on his cheek and then accepting Jason's out stretched hand and stood parallel to him, in front of the priest.

Nightwing zoned out and remembered his times with the empath. Them forming the team together in Jump City, him becoming her best friend, watching the sunrise together before everyone else woke up, sharing their fears with each other, their bond, saving her from Slade, learning the truth about her past, giving her hope, working with his nemesis at the end of the world, braving hell to find her and her hugging him in happiness.

And over the years they had only grown closer and had shared many moments together. When one day-

Robin had woken up early as usual and had headed to the roof. Every day without fail he and Raven had spent time together on the roof, talking about themselves or something that was disturbing them or sometimes they sat in comfortable silence just relishing each other's comforting presence.

Today as he opened the door, he was met with absence of the empath. This was weird; she always was the first one up and on the roof. He waited for a while but she didn't turn up, he panicked and headed towards her room, he knocked but was met with silence, and no other sound could be heard from the room.

His worry was increasing by the second, everyone else was still asleep. He tracked her communicator and found her on the edge of the Titan Island, sitting on a rock. He walked towards her and said calmly "Morning Rae."

Without turning around she said in her old monotone "Morning." He sat on a boulder near her and asked with concern "What's wrong Rae?"

She sighed sadly and said "What am I to you Richard?" this question caught him off guard and he looked at her with confusion and asked her "What does that mean? You are my best friend Raven."

She finally turned to look at him and said "Is that all I am to you after all this time and after all we have been through."

"What are you saying?" Raven took a deep breath and said "I like you Richard…a lot and more than a friend."

They were silent for a while, her confession hanging in the air between them. He looked at her and said "I can't believe it…and no matter what we cannot be in a relationship. It won't work out…this thing which we have between us is the only good thing in my life right now and I couldn't bear to lose this."

"You know what the sad part is." She said after a long pause, "That you won't even give it a chance."

He snapped out of his thoughts when the priest turned to Jason and said "Your vows."

Jason took Raven's hands in his and said with love radiating his entire being "Raven, I look at you and think that how can someone as beautiful, smart and compassionate as you could ever love me. You make me want to be a better person. I lived my life thinking that nobody wanted me…and then a few years ago I met you, you found my heart and I let you in…and that's where you'll stay. I vow to honor and defend you and yours above all others. I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, regardless of where life takes us. I will share in your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need. All that I have is yours and from this moment on I give you my heart, my love as I give you myself for as long as we both shall live."

A tear fell down from her eyes, and her smile just grew wider. Nightwing grimaced and prepared himself to listen to the girl of his dreams vow to love his brother forever.

The priest turned towards the empath and said "Raven, your vows."

Raven smiled warmly at the man in front of her and said "Jason, you make me feel loved and wanted. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. Every day with you is an adventure and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you…I pledge to bring you solace in time of need, to be your comfort, your sanctuary and to be your family. I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams, to honor and respect you, to laugh and cry with you. I vow to love you, unconditionally. I give you my heart, my love as I give you myself for as long as we both shall live."

Her vows brought a tear of happiness in Jason's eyes and sadness in Nightwing's.

The priest said to Jason "Do you Jason Todd take this woman, Raven Roth to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health till death do you apart?"

Jason smiled widely and said without hesitation "I do,"

The priest then turned to the empath and said "Do you Raven Roth take this man, Jason Todd to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health till death do you apart?"

This was it, the moment where Raven would be taken away from his forever. In a couple of second Nightwing flashbacked again, he thought back to the time after Raven's confession.

Robin had started to date random fan girls and had changed his alias to Nightwing, to erase the thought of Raven from his mind. Not knowing the pain that he was causing her, he did everything he could to get his mind off the empath.

After a half a year Raven brought Jason with her to the tower, so that the team could meet him. They had been dating for three months then and she looked happy and really in love.

The team except their fearless leader really liked him and he genuinely seemed in love with the dark beauty, Nightwing confronted Raven about it. She just shrugged and said simply "I moved on Richard…and maybe you were right we wouldn't have worked out anyway."

In that moment he realized what he had lost and said to her "I am sorry Rae, please give me a chance. We-"

Raven interrupted him and said "I tried to give it a chance, but you were too stubborn…and do you know how much you hurt me in these past few months when you started dating other girls…we are perhaps best at just remaining friends."

As he saw her walking away, he realized that in these past few months the time he spent getting her out of his mind; she had been doing the same. The only difference was that she had succeeded even with the pain he had caused her.

But he was now haunted by her confession and his feelings for her. In these past few months she had drawn away from him and towards another man.

"I do" Raven said lovingly and that snapped Nightwing out of his thoughts. Jason beamed at her. The priest smiled and said "Then by the power vested in me…I now pronounce you man and wife *he looked at Jason* you may kiss the bride."

Jason lifted her veil, showing her beautiful smiling face. He caressed her face lightly before giving her a loving kiss. Every one cheered and clapped, a few wiped the wedding tears away and hooted for the newlywed couple.

A tiny voice inside Nightwing's head said as he watched the couple embrace "Too late."

They pulled away with huge smiles on their faces and walked out of the hall hand in hand towards their reception party.

At the party, Raven was having her first dance with her new husband. They both were glowing and there was closeness about them, which wasn't there even when they were dating.

They stole kisses from each other in between, after their first dance. Raven was approached by her new father-in-law to dance with her while Jason danced with Selina, Bruce Wayne's long time partner.

Nightwing couldn't take this anymore, he chugged down the drink in his hand and went to the balcony silently, hoping to get some time away from the party.

He leaned by the railing, thinking that if he maybe would have realized his feelings sooner then he would have been the one getting married to her today. This would have been their party then and she would be his.

After a while the balcony doors opened, Richard's highly alert senses caught this and he turned around, hoping that it would be the dark beauty who sought him out.

He turned and saw the stoic expression of his adoptive father, Bruce. Richard sighed and turned around, looking at the city again. Bruce stepped beside him and said to the young hero "You made your choice Richard; you have to let her go."

Of course he would know about his feelings for the dark beauty, he was not called the world's greatest detective for nothing, realizing that there was no point in hiding he said "I can't help but think that if I had realized my feelings sooner then maybe-"

Bruce interrupted him and said "Don't plague your mind with ifs, what is done is done…you cannot change it. So be happy for the couple."

Nightwing turned around and looked at the party through the glass doors, Raven had just giggled over something Jason had said to her in her ear. She turned to look at her husband and gave him a kiss.

He surprised his mentor when she said "She is good for him…after everything that happened to him, he deserves someone as amazing as Raven." Bruce followed his gaze and smiled softly at the couple and said nodding "Yeah, she is. And she gets along with the family also. She did make him a better man."

With that they made their way back to the party, the couple was just about to cut their extravagant wedding cake. The cut the cake and fed each other a piece happily, later they all were seated for dinner.

Nightwing knew that he had to talk to Raven once at least in private. He found her near the bar talking happily to Jinx while Jason was talking to the boys. After a couple of minutes Jinx left and Nightwing took this chance to speak to the empath.

Raven looked at him and smiled politely, she offered him a glass of strawberry champagne and said "Hey Richard."

He took the glass from her and said "Rae, I need to ask you something."

Raven nodded and urged him to continue, he took a deep breath and said "Are you happy with him?" Raven was taken aback with this question; her empathetic abilities sensed his feelings. She sighed and said "I thought we were over this, it's been two years."

"Just answer it one last time." He pleaded.

"…I love him more than anything, he makes me happy. The happiest I have ever been." Richard tried to smile and said "Then that's all I want, you to be happy…even if it's not with me."

At that moment Jason came up to them and kissed Raven on the cheek lovingly, he slid his arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. Richard was filled with sadness but he masked it well and smiled at the couple.

"Mon amour, it's time for us to leave." Jason said with a warm smile to Raven. She returned his smile and nodded.

Jason then noticed his adoptive brother standing in front him and said "Hey Grayson, having fun?"

Nightwing just forced a smile at his brother. Raven excused herself and went away, the two brothers watched her leave, both filled with love for the young lady. The difference being that one was happy while the other was regretful.

"She is an amazing lady Jason…keep her happy." Nightwing said seriously to the man in front of him.

Jason looked at Nightwing and studied him carefully; he knew everything that happened between him and Raven. He turned to the hero and said seriously "I promise that I will keep her happy."

Nightwing nodded, after a few more minutes Raven emerged she was wearing a white cocktail dress. Jason smiled and walked up to her, he kissed her temple and whispered to his wife "Let's get out of here…I am sick of sharing you with others." And he kissed her temple.

With that the couple headed outside, towards their black limousine. Raven's arm was interlaced with Jason's as they walked, his eyes watching her with love and happiness. Jason opened the car door for her, before getting in Raven tossed her bouquet backwards.

Much to everyone's amusement Wally caught the bouquet, he looked nervous while his girlfriend, Jinx looked happy. They all laughed a little, Raven just waved at her friends and got in the car with her husband.

They all cheered and wished them.

"Have the nice moon of the honey friends." Starfire shouted. "Safe travels." Bruce waved. "Have fun." Cyborg and Beastboy cheered.

Only Nightwing was silent, his mind chanting only one thing as he watched the girl of his dreams drive off with another man, the man she loves towards their future. You are too late.

[yunaffie]

Brave Little Girl

A treat fic for @siverwrites, written as part of @fyeahghosttrick‘s Ghost Swap exchange. Prompt: “ Jowd and Kamila father-daughter bonding time “

Happy Ghost Swap! I hope this gift is to your liking.

Crossposted on AO3 here.

Even in the shade of the parasol, fanned by a light breeze, it felt pleasantly warm. Lying down on a beach towel, cap partially covering his closed eyes, listening to the sound of waves crashing onto sand, Jowd was filled with contentment. He rarely got the chance to just lie down and bask in the sunny weather like this. Even better, he had his family here with him, but of course. It wouldn't be the same without them. Every moment he shared with them was so utterly precious and he never forgot that. 

"Jowd?" At the sound of his name, he lifted his cap and blinked against the sudden light, just able to make out someone standing over him. Alma was hunched over, resting her hands on her knees. A gentle breeze lightly tugged at her purple locks, blowing them around her shoulders. He blinked, focusing his eyes on her. 

"Mm? What is it?" 

"Cabanela and I are going for a swim. I suppose you don't feel like joining us?"

Jowd responded with a dry laugh. "What do you think?" 

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Alma straightened herself. "Well, just letting you know. You can keep an eye on Kamila while we're gone."

"Sure. Enjoy your swim." Jowd sat up and watched Alma's and Cabanela's figures get smaller as they walked away. The sea itself looked calm, its deep blue surface glittering vividly in the light of the sun, but that dazzling exterior only served to remind him of the empty, endless depths beneath. 

Tearing his gaze from the sea, he turned his attention to Kamila, who was sitting a few feet away and working laboriously on a sandcastle. From where he was, it was certainly looking pretty elaborate and he wouldn't expect any less from his daughter. Deciding to get a better look, Jowd rose up and walked over to join her.

"Wow." Looking up close, Jowd was awed by how magnificent the sandcastle looked, with several pointed turrets clustered together. A long pathway ran down from the topmost tower, spiralling down to where it met the gate in the walls of the sandcastle. Outside of the wall, a deep moat had been dug into the sand with a bridge spanning the gap. "That's the most impressive sandcastle I've ever seen."

"You think so?" Kamila peeped up at him from beneath the brim of her straw hat. She was picking up damp sand and packing it into the wall, fortifying the castle's defences. "It's a shame I don't have a flag for the castle, but I suppose it's good enough."

"You've done a fantastic job." To think Kamila could have built such a majestic sandcastle in such a short time, she really was so skilled with her hands. If only they had thought to bring a camera with them. Jowd sat down. "Are you going to make anything else?"

"I don't know yet." Kamila's brow furrowed as she thought about it. "Maybe I could do something like an animal, or a shellfish. Maybe it could be the castle's guardian."

"That's a good idea. So what are you thinking of, a big fire breathing dragon?"

Kamila put a hand to her cheek. "I don't know. I don't think I would be able to make the wings stay on. Sand breaks easily, you know? It should be something simple, like, maybe a giant crab."

"Mmm, a giant crab." Jowd smiled. "Hopefully the people living in the castle don't get hungry and decide to make themselves crab sandwiches."

Kamila's face fell. "Would they really do that to the nice crab who's supposed to be guarding the castle?"

"Don't worry, they wouldn't even be able to break such a huge shell in the first place. The crab would be fine."

"But the crab would be very angry if the people tried to kill it. It might smash down the walls and come after them."

"Well, it would serve them right, wouldn't it?" Jowd chuckled. "Maybe it could be a tortoise or a turtle. They are nice, docile creatures. They would just withdraw into their shell and then act as if nothing had happened. I do hear turtle soup is a delicacy though."

"Huh. Is it?" Kamila's eyes widened. "But wait, if it just hides in its shell and doesn't care what's going on, then it's no good as a guardian, is it?"

"Hmm, I suppose not." Jowd lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "Anyway, it could be anything you want, couldn't it? You could make up some fictional animal. I doubt the people of the castle have to worry anyway, that wall looks quite strong and that's a very deep moat you have there."

"There's alligators in the moat. Big, scary alligators. They will snap up anyone who tries to cross the bridge without permission. And nobody will be able to try and eat them either. Wait, do people eat alligators?"

"In some countries, yes."

"I see. But it would be very dangerous, wouldn't it?" Kamila slapped more sand against the wall of the castle. "I don't think the people in the castle would try it." She put her hands on her knees and sighed. "All that talking about food has made me start to feel hungry."

"Has it?" Jowd was beginning to feel a bit peckish himself too. Now he really fancied a crab sandwich, but that wasn't exactly feasible at this point. "There's an ice cream van nearby, would you like me to get you something?"

"Yeah!" Kamila beamed. "Can I have a whipped ice cream cone with a Flake, please?"

"Sure." Jowd picked up a bag of coins and made his way to the ice cream van, where he purchased two ice cream cones. When he returned, Kamila was sitting on one of the blankets in the shade. "Here you go," he said, handing her a cone before sitting next to her. "Had enough of playing in the sand?"

"It's hot." Kamila reached up to wipe sweat from her sticky brow. "I'm a bit tired of it." She lapped at the white spiral of ice cream. "Mm."

"Ice cream is the best thing after you've been sitting in the sun on a hot day, isn't it?" Jowd took a bite of ice cream and swallowed. It was wonderfully cold and silky smooth as it slid down his throat.

"Uh huh." Kamila nodded eagerly. She quietly consumed her ice cream, occasionally taking out the Flake and biting chunks off it along with globs of ice cream. "Mom and Uncle Cabanela are still swimming, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Jowd scanned the sea with his gaze, eventually spotting a flash of purple with a blob of brown not far behind it. "Look, there they are."

Following the direction of Jowd's pointed arm, Kamila soon spotted them. "Oh, I can see them now." She shoved the remnants of the cone into her mouth and swallowed, wiping the sticky traces of ice cream from her mouth.

"You didn't want to go into the sea with them, did you?" Of course, Jowd knew well enough that Kamila couldn't swim, and she had never really shown any interest in learning so far. Seeing Kamila shake her head, he continued. "I'm not really that fond of the sea either."

"I can't even swim anyway." Kamila pulled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Can you?"

"Well, sure, I've swam in pools before. It's just the sea I'm not so keen on. It's very rough, you know, all those waves. Not really the same as being in a pool."

"Hmm." Kamila rested her chin on her knees. "I think the sea is kind of scary."

Jowd glanced at her, his brow furrowing in mild concern. Could this sentiment of hers be the result of experiences in another timeline? It was hard to say. As a baby, Kamila hadn't minded being taken into the sea and trips to the beach had been so few that he wasn't sure when this change might have taken place. Anyway, it wasn't so strange that she might have developed an aversion to the sea as she grew up, he supposed. "Why do you think so?"

"The sea is huge, and it's so deep and so dark, once you go deep enough, you can't even see the sunlight anymore." Kamila met Jowd's gaze, seeming slightly disturbed. "It just kind of scares me a bit. If you were lost in the sea, nobody would be able to find you."

Jowd pulled his gaze from her, looking back at the sea. "Yes, it does sound quite scary when you put it that way. But you don't need to be scared. You've got me, haven't you?" 

"Huh? Yeah, I guess I do, don't I?" The anxiety vanished from Kamila's face, replaced by a smile. "You'll always come and save me whenever I'm in trouble, right, Dad?"

"Of course I will." Jowd glanced at her, returning the smile. He returned to staring at the sea. "Say, why don't we go for a paddle in the sea?"

"Huh?" Kamila sounded startled by the suggestion. Jowd looked at her, seeing her brow furrowed with worry.

"Don't worry, our feet will be on the ground the whole time, and I'll hold your hand. Let's give it a try, shall we? I quite fancy a dip myself. How about it?" Jowd stood up, offering his hand.

Kamila looked at him uncertainly for a few seconds then nodded, taking his hand. He helped her to her feet and they set off toward the sea.

"Well then," Jowd said, as their feet touched the wet sand just mere feet from the receding tide. "Here we go. Are you ready?"

Kamila took a deep breath and nodded. "Uh-huh."

The tide came back in, lapping around their ankles. They started forward, matching their steps and gradually moving further into the sea. Jowd kept an eye on Kamila. Her hand was tightly gripping his and she had a tense look in her face.

"That's it, you're doing great." Jowd kept taking slow, cautious steps forward, ensuring that Kamila took another step before he did. He didn't want to rush her. Eventually, they were deep enough that the water was above her waist. "Well done, you're doing brilliantly."

"I'm really... in the sea." There was a slight wobble to Kamila's voice. She looked up at him. "I'm trying really hard not to be scared."

"And you're doing great." Jowd flashed her an encouraging smile. "You are a very brave little girl."

"Hey!" Cabanela's voice floated toward them on the breeze. Jowd looked over and caught sight of him bobbing up and down in the water with Alma at his side. "You joinin' us for a swim after all, baby?"

"Actually, we're just having a little paddle, that's all," Jowd called back. "Kamila is being very brave."

"Well done, Kamila!" Alma called out.

"You're doin' great, baby, keep it up!"

Kamila gazed in their direction, a look of determination forming on her face. "I'm going to try walking by myself." Jowd relaxed his grip and she slowly extracted her hand from his before taking a hesitant step forward. Then she took another, and another, moving forward with slow, careful steps. Jowd kept going as well, keeping his steps in sync with hers.

Watching his daughter brave the sea, Jowd felt a swell of pride inside of him. The sea made him feel uneasy enough but his fear was probably nothing compared to Kamila's and yet here she was, walking in the sea. She really was such a determined and brave young girl. 

The water had risen up to Kamila's chest when she stopped abruptly and shook her head. "I... I don't want to go any further... I can't..." She clung to her father, her breath coming out in shaky gasps.

"Don't worry about it, you've done so well already." Jowd took her hand in his and waved at Alma and Cabanela. "We're going back now."

With the sound of clapping hands and exclaimed words of praise behind them, Jowd and Kamila went back the way they came. 

"Ahh." Jowd sighed as they sank down onto the towels. "What a relief it is to be back on dry land, eh?" He picked up a couple of dry towels, tossing one to Kamila and using the other to start drying himself off.

Kamila used the towel to rub her body dry before wrapping herself up in it. She scooted closer to Jowd and leaned into him. Jowd put an arm around her body, enfolding her in a hug. "The sea is really big. It was pretty scary standing in the water."

"It was, wasn't it?"

"But you were with me so I was able to do it."

"You really are such a brave and strong little girl." Jowd kissed the top of her head. "I'm very proud of you."

"You are?" Kamila raised her head.

"Of course."

A smile broke out on Kamila's face. "You know, I want to be super tough someday. So tough that I won't be afraid of anything."

"Well, good luck with that. I'll be rooting for you" Jowd studied his daughter's radiant face for a moment before speaking again. "But, you know, everyone has fears. It's normal. Even I have fears."

Kamila's mouth formed a circle. "Huh, really? Wait, are you afraid of the sea too?"

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of the sea exactly. It does make me a bit uncomfortable though. I would rather avoid it if I can."

"Huh. But you were the one who suggested we go in there." Kamila thought about it for a moment. "Wait, was it because you wanted to get me in there?"

"That's right. I thought I'd help you face your fear. It worked, didn't it? You were able to walk in the sea."

Kamila nodded. "Thank you, Dad. It was scary, but I'm really glad I did it. Hmm, so you don't like going in the sea. What are some other fears you have?"

"Hmm." Jowd rubbed his chin, his brow creasing. "Let's see. Expensive bills. Having to clean up. Running out of ketchup."

"Dad." Kamila drew out the word as she spoke, her expression turning to one of mild frustration. "You're just being silly, aren't you?"

"Oh no, those are real fears." Jowd's face was completely straight with not the slightest hint of mirth as he looked at her. "I assure you."

"Okay." The tone of Kamila's voice suggested that she wasn't entirely convinced however. Tearing her gaze away, she looked to the sea. "Still, you're a detective so that means you have to be really tough, and Uncle Cabanela and Lynne too, right?"

"Yes."

"You're heroes, after all. So you have to be tough and cool. Like all those superheroes on TV." Kamila bunched up her fists. "So you can beat up all the bad guys."

Jowd chuckled softly. "Yes, just like them, though you're not going to find us wearing capes or jumping off tall buildings, I'm afraid."

"Right, it's not like you have superpowers. But even if you don't, you're all still pretty cool." Kamila crossed her arms and tilted her head. "I wonder why detectives don't wear capes though."

"Well, because we would look silly, wouldn't we?" Jowd thought for a moment about what it would be like going about his job wearing a cape. He imagined it would be quite a hassle. What if it got caught in something? Someone like Cabanela wouldn't have to worry though. 

"I guess so." Kamila leaned forward, putting her arms around her legs and using her knees to support her chin. "What about Uncle Cabanela though, he looks and acts pretty silly sometimes, doesn't he?"

Only sometimes? Now that was quite the understatement, Jowd thought as he shrugged. "Yeah, well, he doesn't really care."

A seagull cawed, fluttering down to land a few feet away. Kamila watched it waddle across the sand. "I don't think it's a bad thing anyway, he's a funny man and I think he's fine the way he is. Like, it would be so weird if he stopped dancing all the time. Don't you think so too, Dad?"

Jowd's lips cracked into a wry smile. "Yes, that would be very weird indeed."  He couldn't help but be reminded of the time he thought Cabanela had changed. Oh, how wrong he had been. 

Someone came walking along the beach, their presence startling the seagull. Kamila shielded her eyes as she watched the seagull take flight, becoming a tiny speck in the sky. When it was done, she dropped her hand and returned to staring at the sea. "The superheroes on TV never get scared or worried about anything. They always catch the bad guys in the end. But it's different in real life, isn't it?"

Jowd gazed at her in silent contemplation. It would be nice to spin a lie, let her believe life was that simple, but she wasn't that naive. Why, one of these days, she might even realise something was strange about their eternal kitten. "Oh, it's very different. Things don't always go the way you want them to."

"You all must have moments when you get sad or scared, and maybe you don't always get the bad guys, but you're still out there fighting for justice." Kamila turned her head, showing him a smile. "I think that makes you all even cooler than the superheroes on TV."

"Is that so?" Jowd let out a chuckle. "Thank you. I'm happy to hear such high praise from my daughter."

"Ah." Kamila let out an exclamation as she looked back to the sea. "Mom and Uncle Cabanela are coming back now. Gosh, they were swimming for ages."

Jowd looked up to see the two striding across the beach toward them. "Ah, here they come. I expect we'll be getting off home soon. Did you have a good time today?"

"Yeah. It was really fun." Kamila nodded eagerly. "Next time we come, I'll build an even bigger and better sandcastle, and it will have flags. And I'll go into the sea again, but only as long as you do too, so we'll definitely do that together, right?"

"Sure we will." Jowd patted Kamila's back. His feelings of unease toward the sea might not have changed, but he was willing to brave it if it helped his daughter in any way. Still, submarines were very definitely off limits and he doubted Kamila would ever express the desire to go on one. Well, he hoped so anyway.

"Okay, it's a promise, Dad!" Kamila declared, with a cheerful smile.

How heartening it felt to see that smile, Jowd thought, feeling a rush of warmth. Kamila's happiness was the most important thing after all. No matter what, he would always do his best to ensure that his little girl kept on smiling.

[hotchocolatefanfics]

Reboot PoTA Couple Theme Songs and their Meanings

Boy did this take me a while to finish! This is something I’ve been working on almost all of 2019 and I’ve finally finished it (2019 was not nice to me-my classes were, but everything else was a blur of getting sick and going from no anxiety to anxiety attacks happening daily. It was just a mess!)

Like the title says, it’s a theme song list for our favorite Planet of The Apes shippings and couples (I only did a few to save time but if this gets popular enough, I could do another involving any shippings and couples that aren’t present here (such as Will X Caroline or Malcolm x Ellie)).

Each couple have their own five theme songs (because one isn’t enough to tell their full story) and each song represents something unique about the couple dynamic or how the shipping can be interpreted and will include a description underneath (some may be longer than others (the more I know on that shipping/more I have to say, the more I write about them)-I apologize in advance for that!). If there’s any information that is missing or details that I overlooked (or even if you disagree with the description) please feel free to share! 

Please note that you are not obligated to listen to these songs and you are completely and totally free to add a song to these couple lists. Part of the reason why I made this was in hopes that maybe it would spark a conversation amongst us PoTA fans about our favorite PoTA shippings/couple and explore other shippings. 

Also, I didn’t include OC relations here but feel free to add them in your reblogs(you may also re-use songs that are already on these lists if you feel they could describe your OC x Canon shipping)! All love stories are welcomed on this post! (the only rule is there can’t be any underage or huge age difference couples).

My information sources are:

All three Reboot movies, Firestorm, Revelations, The Planet of The Apes Fandom Wikia and also reading a couple of stuff/peaking around on AO3, FanFiction.net, DeviantArt, and Wattpad.

With that said, enjoy the theme songs!

Caesar x Cornelia 

Stand by you - Rachel Platten

Better Together - Jack Johnson 

Say Something (I’m giving up on you) - A Great Big World

Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down 

The Call - Regina Spektor

Description: 

As this is a couples list, it only makes sense to start it with the king and queen themselves!

I think it’s more than safe to say that these two loved each other very much. 

We saw Caesar and Cornelia’s relationship grow from Rise, Firestorm, Dawn, Revelations, to War and during that time, we’ve seen them grow closer (I actually think that, as their relationship progressed, Cornelia made Caesar a better leader-as she pointed things out to Caesar that he either ignored/didn’t realize/know in Firestorm). 

When I personally think about this couple, I think about Caesar: The life he grew up with, the family he left behind when he chose to stay in the forest with the apes, the hardships he had to face in the earlier days/years of freedom and I think about all the stress and the anxiety that he had to have felt during those times. He had to have felt that he had to show strength in the presence of his followers-that would have meant not thinking/talking about Will, Charles or Caroline or letting it be known if he missed them at all. 

Then I think about Cornelia. As his wife, she had to have known everything about Caesar. From his childhood to anything and everything he feared and worried about as king and leader. If there was anyone in the whole colony that Caesar could have shown that side to him, that uncertain, missing his family side to him, it would have been Cornelia, and I would imagine that she understood that he missed his human home. That she listened to his worries and comforted him-possibly reassured him if he needed it.

I didn’t know if it’s talked about very much but, as king and queen they’re very similar in personality: Both being compassionate and kind, but also fiercely protective of both the colony and of their friends and as parents, both are (also) protective and loving towards Blue Eyes and Cornelius (examples being Caesar protecting Blue Eyes from the bear and later protecting both sons from Carver in Dawn and Cornelia keeping Cornelius safe in Revelations). 

This couple is featured in nearly every fanfic out there and every Planet of The Apes role-play that Tumblr has but I feel like we don’t talk about it enough. In War, Caesar was more than devastated by Cornelia’s death (and by the death of Blue Eyes) as he became vengeful, murderous and (pretty much) ready to kill because of it (remember that man with the wood at the oyster farm where they found Nova?). 

If you really want to go there, it says a lot about his and Cornelia’s relationship during the war. That (maybe) the war took such a tool on Caesar (mentally and emotionally) that she became his strength. That (maybe) Caesar was already on the verge of losing it well before the attack on that hill (like having a breakdown or panic attack)-and I wouldn’t be surprised, as he was betrayed by Koba, then by Red and other followers of Koba, and his apes were being attacked, threatened and/or killed by the soldiers.

Maybe Cornelia kept him grounded, reminded him of who he was and what was important and when the Colonel killed her, it broke something in Caesar and when he lost her, he lost part of himself and may have forgotten who he was (only remembering when he realized he couldn’t kill the Colonel). 

Blue Eyes x Lake 

Kiss The Girl - Ashley Tisdale 

Love Story - Taylor Swift 

Colors - Halsey 

It’s all coming back to me now - Meet loaf

When you’re Gone - Avril Lavigne

Description: 

Blue Eyes and Lake clearly loved each other in War. We know they grew up together and played with each other as children though their (romantic) feelings for each other likely came later (around the time of Dawn/Revelations). 

We didn’t get to see much of their relationship (due to Blue Eyes dying and/or being sent away in Revelations) but, considering that Blue Eyes was protective of his friends and family (and openly affectionate towards them in War), I think it can be assumed that he would have been a loving husband to Lake and would have protected her if she were in danger. 

Lake appeared to love children, so it is reasonable to imagine they would have had children together and she would have, more than likely, been a wonderful mother to them. Lake was also brave (as seen when she defended Caesar in War), which makes it likely she could have assisted Blue Eyes as his queen (if he had lived to become king). 

And now, the Fan-Made couples!!! 

Caesar x Koba (aka: ‘Caba’)

Little Do You Know - Alex & Sierra

Hold On - Chord Overstreet

A Moment Like This - Kelly Clarkson 

Breathless - Shayne Ward

Teddy Bear - Melanie Martinez

Description: 

Yes, I absolutely had to start with this one as it’s, if I’m not mistaken, the most common shipping in the fandom (and it’s also my favorite too!).

Caesar and Koba were obviously very close in Dawn (as best friends and honorary brothers) as Koba saved Caesar from that bear in the beginning and Caesar later gifted the pelt to him. This relationship was created when Caesar rescued Koba and other apes from Gen-Sys and continued in Firestorm.

I can’t remember if I got this far into Caesar’s Story, but I wanna say there was a part in the book where it talked about Koba having feelings for/falling in love with Caesar(?)(Please correct me if I’m wrong).

It all came crashing down when the humans showed up and Koba’s hatred of them was reborn and it became clear to him that Caesar still ‘loved’ humans (when Koba said “Caesar loves humans more than apes” he may have actually believed that-it is also possible he may have thought Caesar loved humans more than him). 

It eventually leads to Koba shooting him (which means he, essentially, abandoned his love for Caesar in favor of his hate for humans) and then declaring war on the humans-and later, resulted in Caesar having to kill him. Koba’s betrayal deeply hurt Caesar and so did killing him (let’s not forget that Koba’s ghost haunted him in War). 

What I’ve noticed with this shipping is it’s all about the vulnerable and damaged side of Koba’s personality and about Caesar’s protective and compassionate heart. 

Fanfics of this shipping sometimes follows the story of Dawn (with Pope as the bad guy or with Koba’s betrayal being deeper than just about revenge on the humans) and other times it’s completely different (nodding at the ‘Caesar and The Bonobo’ Beauty and The Beast AU on FanFiction and all other Caba one-shots(all deserve a read!)) but in all fanfics and fan arts of this shipping, there’s always a sense of heartache for the couple (either due to how Koba suffered before Rise or knowing how their relationship ended in Dawn).

Everything about this shipping is tragic and (when well-written out) heartbreaking but at the same time, it can be adorable and beautiful (I’m also tempted to call it irresistible for many fans-seriously, look on AO3, DeviantArt Wattpad, FanFiction.net-literally all of these sites has three or more fanfics/one-shots of this shipping (though I would advise you all to be careful as some of them may be, let’s say, ‘Rated R’)!).

I have not found any role-plays of this shipping on Tumblr (yet!) so I wouldn’t know how the shipping is portrayed in that category (Seriously, are there any role-plays of this? Cause I’d like to know!).

Koba x Stone 

I Still Love You - Josh Jenkins 

Yours to Hold - Skillet 

Grenade - Bruno Mars 

Hero - Enrique Iglesias

Immortal - Evanescence 

Description: 

I’ve, sadly, only seen this shipping on role-play blogs here on Tumblr so much of this is guessed (if anyone reading this has role-played this shipping before or have more experience with it, please correct me if I’m wrong!) 

Stone was one of Koba’s friends and first followers in Dawn (aside from Grey) but his motives for following Koba are never talked about (also in Revelations, it says he’s dead but he’s clearly seen alive in War…Does he have superpowers or did he just disappear and showed up again for War?) 

(Here’s my guess) Stone likely disagreed with Caesar’s role (to some extent but I doubt he was as extreme about it as Koba was) but what if, his main reason for following Koba had more to do with him having secret feelings for the bonobo than anything else? What if Stone saw and knew that Koba was still haunted by his past and comforted him when no one else would? And by the time the humans reappeared in Dawn, Stone developed his own hatred for the species that had hurt his love?

Meanwhile, Koba, who likely doesn’t feel comfortable talking about his past with anyone and felt betrayed and angered when Caesar disregarded his hatred of humans, probably would have resisted Stone’s affection for a long time before he finally let him in and fully accepted the comfort and love from the chimp (it is also possible Koba used that very sympathy to manipulate Stone into doing his bidding but I’m not sure if he would have needed to as, again, Stone would have already hated humans for torturing Koba in the past anyway).

Now about Stone’s death/survival: Let’s say that Stone survived Dawn (as seen in War). If he really did have feelings for Koba, it’s likely he would have felt guilty and somewhat responsible for his love’s death as he had chosen to agree with him that the apes should go to war with humans instead of talking Koba out of it (to be fair I’m not sure if Koba could have been convinced otherwise after the fight with Caesar in the dam but I think Stone would have had a better chance of reasoning with him anyone else).

Now let’s say Stone had actually died and Koba wasn’t defeated by Caesar. I think it’s more than safe to say Koba would be screwed if he was the one to have to go to war with the Colonel in War instead of Caesar (and it may be reasonable to suspect he may eventually realize the gravity of what he did and would regret it all as the war continues) but if this war took Stone early on, and if Stone and Koba were romantically involved, it’s also reasonable to assume Koba would have regretted that most of all-seeing Stone as the last (and by the time of War, the only) to love him and care about him and feeling lost and alone without him.

All in all, this shipping has a love lost and a sort of ‘dam(sel) in distress’ feel to it.

Koba x Cornelia

Sk8ter Boi - Avril Laringe 

When I was Your Man - Bruno Mars

Uptown Girl - Billy Joel

Bad Boy - Cascada 

Dear in The Headlights - Owl City 

Description:

I have the same problem here-total guesswork! 

Based on what little I know of this shipping so far, it reminds me of the ‘outcast falls in love with popular person’ scenario that is sometimes seen in high school movies. But this shipping could seriously work as a love triangle story! 

Koba and Cornelia have little to no interaction in the books (the ones I’ve read so far anyway!) or in the movies but it is known that they see each other as honorary brother and sister (due to Caesar and Koba being honorary brothers). It’s reasonable to assume they had mutual respect for each other and that Cornelia was just as betrayed by Koba’s actions as Caesar was. 

However, it is never revealed what Koba’s plans would have been for Cornelia had Caesar truly died (there is a chance he could have forced her into marrying him but I also think there's a chance she would have rebelled against him and Koba could have decided to kill her (or kill Cornelius as punishment and then kill her? I dunno know)). 

Also, what if Koba had wanted Cornelia as his wife all along and only decided to kill Caesar when he did because the humans ‘conveniently’ showed up (unlikely but maybe)? I think this shipping was born from the idea that Koba always had a secret crush on Cornelia but kept it a secret because she married Caesar and knew he had no chance with her.

Another thought (and this is highly unlikely but still): In the wild, chimps would have multiple mates (Rocket in Rise for example) so there's also a (tiny) chance that Caesar could (in theory) be married to both Cornelia AND Koba-I have never heard of this particular thing happening and I’m not sure if the Caba and/or the Koba x Cornelia shippings are popular enough to warrant that sort of dynamic but it would make an interesting fanfic. 

Koba x Pope 

Issues - Julia Michaels

Battles Scars - Guy Sebastian Ft. Lupe Fiasco

Love the Way you Lie - Eminem Ft. Rhianna

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

Courage - Superchick

Description:

For those who don’t know, Pope is the main villain from the Dawn comics. He’s very similar to Koba (as they’re both apes that came from labs) but worse as he enslaved primitive apes and saw them as lesser beings-going as far as calling them ‘stupid animals’. 

Anyway, me and a friend made this one up a while back in our discussions and, from what I remember, we had two or three(?) different scenarios for this shipping. 

One being that since they were both abused and tortured by humans, they may find comfort in each other (finding it easy to show vulnerability to someone who’s equally damaged) and fall in love from their shared experiences. 

In the comic, Pope’s past is only hinted by Koba when he says: “He was like me…A lab ape. Bad Things, maybe worse.” and then his past is never mentioned of again however, Pope does say: “Never show weakness.” after the killing of a human later in the comic. Based on that, it’s reasonable to suspect that Pope may harbor a similar hatred to humans as Koba does and may suffer from demons of his own but keeps it well hidden from other apes.

Two being more about their personalities: Both Koba and Pope are capable of hurting people (as seen when Koba killed Ash and shot Caesar and Maurice in Dawn and when Pope killed the alpha, killed Fifer and Cora and enslaved all the primitive apes in the comic) and both are described by the PoTA Fandom Wiki as ‘cruel and tyrannical’ (with Koba being described as ‘belittling’, ‘unstable’ and ‘manipulative’ and Pope as ‘immoral’, ‘arrogant’ and ‘egomaniacal’). 

Considering these traits, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine one of them to perceive the other’s vulnerability as ‘weakness’ and actually abuse the other (like Pope abusing Koba or Koba abusing Pope). Based on their personalities, it’s possible the kind of abuse they’d inflict on each other would likely be physical, emotional, or mental abuse (or all three).

Third (and this is more of continuation of the second one!), even if Koba and Pope weren’t abusing each other, their relationship would likely be argumentative, unhealthy, troubling, rough and just very dysfunctional. 

These are two very damaged apes with traumas that were not properly dealt with or given help for and full of pent up rage and hate towards humans (plus Pope hated Caesar and disrespected his rule). If they were to be a couple, their own traumas and hatred would feed off of each other and may, inadvertently, make it worse (this would likely not be a problem if Pope and Koba were with other people as a person who doesn’t have the same experiences or resentment as them would likely help ‘heal’ them). Maybe their relationship could work but they may need therapy (psychotherapy and/or couple therapy) before it gets there.

Red x Winter 

Sorry - Halsey 

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk

Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows

Secrets - OneRepublic

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

Description:

Eeeeeek! This one is my second favorite! I can’t wait to share this dynamic! :D 

Both gorillas are first seen in Revelations. Red being manipulative, defiant, aggressive and violent (as shown when he manipulated Grey, lead the soldiers to the building where the colony was hiding in, tried to kill Cornelia (twice and one being while she was trying to help another female ape give birth!) and also when he slapped Cedar) and Winter being fearful and timid (as seen when he faced the wall after the building next to the colony’s hiding place was blown up and when he failed to kill Cornelia (which Red manipulated him into trying to do anyway)). Both are seen again in War, where Winter proves himself as a coward and Red a traitor. 

Needless to say, both of these gorillas have very different personality types. The interactions they had both in Revelations and in War weren’t enough to say they were friends (let alone romantically involved) however, Red clearly knew Winter was easy to control. Why else would he consistently manipulate him? And Winter appeared to be afraid of Red. This could be because Red was more aggressive than him and Winter feared confrontation. 

However, there’s a lot about the two gorillas that were never revealed (backstory wise. I actually do have a backstory theory for Red but that’s a post for another day). For example, Red was shown to have a lot of anger built up in him and while it is believed to be due to Caesar killing Koba, it feels much deeper than that. 

Koba was only leader for a day and or two (or less, my math isn’t great) and Red was willing to kill Cornelia, manipulate and endanger other apes and betray the colony over that? No, this anger didn’t develop overnight. It had to have been there BEFORE Dawn (and it somehow has something to do with Caesar)!

Then there’s Winter. We know his father died before he was born but we don’t know how or what his relationship was/the whereabouts of his mother (this does open the door for speculation of whether or not the circumstances of his father’s death and the relationship he had with his mother could have anything to do with Winter’s fearfulness).

Finally, their relationship: What if Red’s anger and hate was all a mask? What if, deep down inside, he was actually a very hurt, troubled and damaged person and only knew how to show it through anger? And what if Winter’s greatest flaw was actually his strength? Winter was more open about his feelings in both Revelation and in War (whether it be fear, shock, or worry) while Red was very closed off. 

What if that difference was what originally attracted Winter to Red? What if Winter, despite being intimidated by Red, viewed him as mysterious and was drawn to him by that. Meanwhile, what if Red was secretly jealous of Winter being so open about his vulnerabilities-even if he knew others would look down on him for it.

With all that said (sorry it was that long!), Red and Winter’s relationship would be built on shared (either expressed or hidden) vulnerabilities and traumatic experiences. Both have flaws and neither of them are weak. They just depend on each other for strength and (in one-shots where they survive War) for belonging as they have no one else.

Blue Eyes x Ash 

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Dark Paradise - Lana Del Ray 

Perfect - P!nk

Complicated - Avril Lavigne 

Count on Me - Bruno Mars

Description:

This is another shipping I’ve only seen briefly-I’m not sure if there are any role-plays of it on Tumblr (but then again I never really looked either!) but there is a fanfic or two out there of this pairing (again, if I miss something a detail regarding this shipping, please let me know!).

Ash is first seen in Dawn when he and Blue Eyes are fishing together. Right away, it’s pretty clear these two are close friends and likely grew up together (which would make sense as their fathers are so close). Based on the interactions between him and Blue Eyes in that scene and the council meeting scene, Ash can be described as humorous (such as when he poked at Blue Eyes) and confident in himself (like when he was teasing Blue Eyes over the bear incident) and Blue Eyes, is protective of him as he (presumably) protected him from Carver before Rocket and the other apes intervened. 

Blue Eyes is left devastated and deeply hurt after Ash’s death and, throughout Revelations, thinks about him constantly and later having a dream about him. 

Since I don’t know that much about this pairing, this is where the guesswork comes in: As these two grew up together, it’s more than likely they also knew each other on a deeper level than their parents did-for example, Blue Eyes could have told Ash all his secrets, whatever worries or fears he had, maybe ranted to him about his anger and frustrations with his father or about being prince. 

I don’t know if Ash had any issues with his parents (as he and Rocket appeared to be very close as father and son-and we don’t really see Ash interacting with Tinker) but if he ever had a bad day, he’d likely talk to Blue Eyes about it just like Blue Eyes would. 

This relationship would be founded on childhood friendship, turned best friends, into lovers. Likely turning into a ‘you’re the only person I trust with my secrets’ kind of relationship while also being a very supportive and protective kind of relationship too.

McCullough x Caesar

I Hate Everything - Three Days Grace 

Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne 

Hold Me Down - Halsey 

You Don’t Own Me - Grace Ft. G-Eazy

Hellfire - The Hunchback of Notre Dam

Description:

I dabbled on this one in my Whumptober one-shots but if anyone’s interested in more of this shipping, there’s a few on AO3 (it’s easily the black sheep of this list but I think it deserves a place here for clarification as to what this shipping could be versus what it sounds like). It’s a weird pairing but it’s worth checking out! 

I think we all know Colonel McCullough as the most evil human in the reboot movies (as he is willing to kill apes and any human who is infected with the virus-his own son for example) and seeing how he treated Caesar in War (chaining him up, forcing him and the ape colony to work, having him whipped and tied to a cross with no food or water for days, killing Cornelia and Blue Eyes) it’s easy to see why this shipping would raise eyebrows but it all depends on how one looks at it. 

For example, I see the shipping as a possible twist on War: As the war between the apes and AO soldiers unfold, McCullough’s desire to capture and/or kill Caesar turns into something else. He becomes obsessed with the Ape King and decides the best way to defeat him and get rid of the apes would be to destroy Caesar’s life. So he deliberately kills Cornelia and Blue Eyes knowing it will provoke Caesar to go after him and later in the base when McCullough has Red and Preacher bring Caesar to his office, he blackmails Caesar into marrying him (saying that he’ll let the colony live if he agrees).

As a result of it, Caesar becomes McCullough’s “chimp-wife” and is a prisoner in this forced marriage, the ape colony thinks he’s abandoned and/or betrayed them, the AO soldiers and the Donkeys are confused by the whole thing and Red and Preacher (who witnessed the Colonel’s blackmailing marriage proposal to Caesar) are thinking “WTF is happening here?”.

Another way one could see this shipping would be as something funny. Yes, it’s dysfunctional but that could be the point! If one wanted to make a fanfic of this shipping, they could use the dysfunctional aspects of the relationship and make it funny. Think Marge and Homer Simpson for example.

For those who have an issue with this shipping, I 100% agree this relationship would be doomed from the start (if we decide to take it seriously). If McCullough and Caesar were to be married, I can picture the Colonel being abusive and predigest towards Caesar and his species, blaming him for all things wrong in the world (such as the virus, the fall of the human race), likely never showing any love or affection towards Caesar, and poor Caesar would become depressed and miserable from this awful marriage. 

Bon x Pope (from the Dawn comics!)

Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis 

Follow Him - Peggy March 

I would Do Anything For You - Foster The People 

Just The Girl - Click Five

All You Wanted - Michelle Branch

Description:

To be honest, I’m not sure if Bon was really this close to Pope as he only appeared once or twice in the Dawn comics BUT! he was one of his loyal followers and while it is possible he only disagreed with Caesar’s rule, there’s another chance that he may have had feelings for Pope (much like my description of the Stone x Koba shipping).

For those who didn’t read the comics, let me sum up the interactions between these two: Bon was one of Pope’s followers and is seen returning back to the zoo after (unsuccessfully) searching for an ape named Fifer who escaped them and informs Pope that there are humans nearby. Bon also took part in the battle between Pope and Koba and was later banished along with Pope’s followers while the primitive apes followed Koba back to the Ape Village. 

As this shipping, almost no leg to stand on (and is more made up than the others on this list) allow me to explain it here: Much like Grey and Stone towards Koba, Bon (and a gorilla named Rex) followed Pope-presumably because they also disliked Caesar and/or his rule. As Pope didn’t actually plan on killing Caesar until later in the comics and didn’t realize there were primitive apes, in the beginning, I don’t think there was any manipulation going on from him.

Now let’s look at Pope for a second: Pope was an ape who looked down upon anyone who showed weakness or was primitive and had no problem with enslaving, torturing, endangering or murdering other apes. Like I said in my description for the Koba x Pope shipping, Pope was also a lab ape (with fishnet scars on the left side of his face, shoulder and chest giving us a hint as to what he was put through-though it’s never actually discussed) so it is reasonable to imagine he may have his own demons and traumas, much like Koba does (unsurprisingly, Pope also hates humans). 

The thing about Pope that I’m curious about is if he is traumatized from what had been done to him at the hands of humans, does he show it? He likely doesn’t as he appears to dislike seeing it and other apes showing weakness but that would mean that, much like Koba, he’s holding things back, probably much more than Koba was (as Koba is seen in Dawn talking (briefly) about what he went through with humans to Caesar). 

Now looking at Pope and Bon, it makes me wonder if Bon could have picked up on that. Like what if Bon saw the pain that Pope was covering up and reached out to him? 

That, and it is also possible Bon was into the ‘bad boy’ type.

Phew, glad that’s over! XD

[2old4kpop]

15 Underrated Girly Kpop Songs That Make Me Go Absolutely Feral

When it comes to girl groups, more than anything I am a Blackjack and Blink. I like to listen to girl songs that make me want to murder men (and believe me, that blog post is in the works). But I’m also a ONCE, as TWICE are my sweet darling babies, but they’re about as girly as I can tolerate. I’m not one for the super girly concepts. I mean, did you guys ever see MINX? Occasionally I ironically jam to Shakey Love Shakey Shakey Shakey Shakey Love, but it was an absolute blessing from the K-pop gods to rebrand them as Dreamcatcher. It’s really only the A-list girly songs I tolerate, like GFriend or Oh My Girl. Everything else below them just seems really cringy.

Except for a few chosen few that are so good that they make me absolutely lose all of my shits. And I’m talking about songs that nobody seems to know like at all. Either these songs came out when the groups were still under the radar, before they had their big smash hits, or they just never seemed to rise to the top. But they are still valid and important. Videos are linked in the song names, since Tumblr won’t let me add more than five videos, but here we go.

15. April- Dream Candy

April is one of those rare groups that pull off the girly concept so well but don’t ever seem forced, like they are just truly naturally sweet and pure and precious. Honestly all of their songs are great, and it’s tragic that they haven’t had a comeback in 2019. But their debut, Dream Candy, is the one that really gets deep in my soul to that animal part of my brain that makes me scream this god damn chorus. But only really at the end. I never really listened to this song until it came on shuffle one day when I was walking home in the rain, and thought, why not listen to this awkward girly song, and then the last chorus hit and OH MY GOD. It’s a good one guys.

14. Momoland- Jjan! Koong! Kwang!

So this song comes out by some unknown group called uh, Momoland?, with a title that is just a bunch of sounds that don’t exist in English, and I felt like I was the only one on Earth that was like, “This is fine.” I was honestly in some I Am Legend universe where instead of me being the only living person on Earth, I was the only one that liked Momoland’s debut. As time went on Momoland started putting out what is pretty much some of the worst K-Pop that exists (I mean, have you SEEN the video for Wonderful Love? Try not to cringe challenge) and sadly enough this group just faded into obscurity and never had any huge, Earth shattering hits or anything. 

13. DIA- My Friend’s Boyfriend

On paper this song is awful. I mean it’s a song about being a petty bitch who has decided to steal their friend’s boyfriend, hence the title. Also the song ads cute little quirks like *squints eyes to read this metaphorical paper closer* coughing. Also the video has an unnecessarily long intro. But believe me when I tell you that this is an absolute slapper.

12. Gugudan- Wonderland

It’s a crime that Gugudan has never really hit it off, even with two I.O.I members. Their debut has this amazing Little Mermaid concept and believe me when I tell you that this chorus is best when screamed at the top of your lungs. After all the screaming I am basically in a manic state by the la la la’s.

11. LOONA 1/3- Love&Live

You’ll notice that the main theme of this list is that the choruses are absolute fire. But this one comes in and basically knocks the wind out of me with sweetness, like some kind of aegyo Kool-Aid man. It’s really the music that does it for me in this one, along with the melody, along with Heejin’s perfect high note. If this song doesn’t make you smile then you are a robot, like ViVi. 

10. Shannon Williams- Why Why

If Ant and/or Dec were here, they would hear this song and definitely say that Britain’s Got Talent. Shannon is the British IU,hands down, undeniably, I will not be taking questions at this time. But it’s very sad that her career was nonexistent after this came out. Was it the fact that this features a sixteen-year-old grinding against faceless boys? Or that this video widely revolves around her intensely stalking someone? It can’t be the song because that is perfect. 

9. AOA- Bingle Bangle

Okay so some history for those non-Elvises out there. AOA was THE HOTTEST girl group for a good minute, with so many timeless collaborations with the Brave Brothers that really changed the shape of female K-Pop for a while. And then ChoA left the group. And without the only member who could actually sing the face of the group, AOA kind of went quiet, save for a few Jimin solo songs. Then AOA came back with a new sound, and while everyone else thought it was terrible, I thought it was a bop! And I love the video and the concept! And the dance for this is so fun. Bingle Bangle is a real yes for me dawg. It’s only too bad that they lost yet another member and their concept was handed off to FNC’s new girl group. Speaking of which...

8. Cherry Bullet- Really Really

Yeah so they literally gave this entire “girls in a video game but it’s fun and cute” concept to Cherry Bullet, and they hit the ground running with it. This comeback in particular is my favorite of theirs because it hits one of my favorite pop music tropes: Having A Funky Instrumental Chorus, Only At The End To Put Words Over The Music. It ticks all my boxes.

7. Rainbow- Whoo

If you ever wanted to hear a song that made you scream “RAAAAIIINBOOW AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” then this is it. At this point in this list we start to hear the songs that make me truly insane, and this song absolutely destroys me. It’s really sad, however, that this is basically Rainbow’s swan song, as it was their last song before disbandment. 

6. Matilda- Macarena

I bet you haven’t even HEARD of Matilda. I bet you didn’t even KNOW that MATILDA just DISBANDED a FEW MONTHS AGO because ALL THEIR SONGS WERE BAD except for THIS ONE which is just full of CHAOTIC GOOD ENERGY and if you don’t ENJOY THIS then GET OFF MY LAWN. 

5. Berry Good- Angel

Berry Good was destined to be one of those girl groups, like Matilda, that came from a tiny company and was just given bad songs and were set up to fail. So they crowdfunded, and somehow made two incredible comebacks, Don’t Believe (which is a whole other story that we won’t get into today, but it’s an amazing song that you should check out) and prior to that, Angel. I don’t even know where to begin with this song because it literally makes me forget who I am and why I exist. It’s a banger?? This song starts off so soft and pure and jumps right into a chorus that makes you bang your head and scream “I TAKE A CHANCE, YOU NEVER KNOW” as loud as possible. And right when you think you can’t take it anymore, that you are gasping for air because you are drowning in perfection, THEY GO EVEN HARDER. Like, girls, you did not need to go that hard. Holy shit. They go full IU in Good Day. I don’t know why we were blessed with this, especially since after this all their other songs have been garbage, and they’ve been so unsuccessful that they lost their strongest member and they’re heading for disbandment. But we have this gem, and I’m thankful for it.

4. 4Minute- Heart To Heart

Back when 4Minute was just another 2NE1 clone, trying to compete in the market of “Girls Who Look Tough But Are Actually Sweet” 4Minute, aka The HyunA Group, put out this. Third Geners, this is what Second Gen was all about. This is the meaning of Christmas, Charlie Brown. This song is everything. It’s perfect. And it’s too bad that 4Minute didn’t really stick with this sound, but also not, since with their more mature concept they wound up getting pretty famous once Park Bom... I mean, we’re not gonna talk about it. 

3. Hyolyn- Bae

Okay so I know that Hyolyn as an entity is not technically considered underrated, but her entire solo career is being slept on and I don’t understand. With Sistar gone, and now Red Velvet carrying the torch for summer anthems, Hyolyn doesn’t necessarily have to give us one of the best summer songs of all time but she did. Every second of this song to me is perfect. And yeah okay I’ll admit it, I am a Gay, I am attracted to women, and Hyolyn is a lot of. A lot of wow. She and HyunA are exactly my type, and this video is a lot. But the SONG you guys. It’s so much that I told even regular people who listen to English music to listen to this song. They didn’t, of course, because the world doesn’t appreciate Hyolyn like I would, I mean like I do as a fan and nothing else. This song was my summer anthem in 2018, Power Up wishes it was this good.

2. BESTie- Thank U Very Much

One of the things that really got me into K-Pop during the Second Gen was that it sounded so much like pop music from my youth. This is gonna sound weird, but I grew up in a Wiccan Neo-Pagan household where 90% of the music we listened to was traditional Celtic or New Age, and if it was ever anything else it was like The Beatles (my Mom and her sisters were one of those screaming and fainting Beatles fans, the trait that was clearly passed down to me, based on what happened when I saw G-Dragon live, but that’s another story) or ABBA, or any kind of British/European pop/rock from the 70s or 80s. So once I was old enough to really find out what kind of music I liked, I dived deep into cheesy pop songs like S Club 7, Britney Spears, and the like. But I always had a soft spot for ABBA. The melodies, the music, the strange lyrics that didn’t really make sense or weren’t quite grammatically correct but it worked. I feel like that love for obscure pop, along with the 90s and early 2000s bubblegum pop, pushed me right into the K-Pop scene. And this song is the best example of that kind of weird melody with oddly used English words, but it works in the best way. The chorus of this song sounds like it was written by ABBA. The ending of this song is transcendent. Tell me you can’t picture a Korean Meryl Streep in overalls singing the ending of this song while dancing on a beach. This song makes me lose all my shits. But I do have to say that this video is uh, Not Good, especially compared with how amazing the song is. But these underrated bottom of the barrel groups don’t have much to work with in the first place, so we can’t really fault them. This song holds up, and is going to hold up for a very long time. I stan.

1. Laboum- Shooting Love

So like I said before, I don’t typically like the super sugary, super tacky, super girly girl concepts. BUT I LOVE LABOUM. ALL their girly sweet songs are AMAZING. They somehow get everything right, in their own unique way. They’re not at all like “Oh, they’re like GFriend”, “Oh, that’s like Lovelyz” or anything, if you get what I’m saying. Laboum had their own cheesy yet perfect style of girly. Aalow Aalow: A CLASSIC. Journey To Atlantis: A CLASSIC. Hwi Hwi: A CLASSIC. Only U: YES YOU GUESS IT, CLASSIC. Sugar Sugar: DON’T MAKE ME SAY IT AGAIN. I could have made this whole list with just Laboum songs. So I made myself pick one by listening to as many old Laboum songs as I could before I would become an absolutely menace to society, as I am not responsible for my actions after listening to so much girly perfectlon at once. If I was arrested and went to court for I dunno, causing distress and mayhem to the citizens of my city, my lawyer would call it “the Laboum defense.” “You see, Your Honor, my client listened to a lot of Laboum songs, and lost control of themselves and became an entity, a ball of energy, a comet destroying everything in its path while screaming cheesy Korean lyrics.” And I would be set free, of course, because who wouldn’t lose themselves completely to the power of Laboum? But anyway I picked Shooting Love, as it puts me in a manic state from the very intro until the last second. And let me just say now that I deeply mourn this old Laboum, as they came back in 2018 with a new concept that makes them sound lobotomized compared to their old sound. Like slow R&B is fine, but compared to this it’s drab and slow and dull and I hate it. I Hate It. Bring back cute Laboum in 2020, or at least study Apink if you want to see how to properly change an aging cute group into a mature group. I could go on, but now I have the urge to listen to more Laboum. You’ll see me on the evening news tonight, I’m sure.

anyway 안녕

[illegiblewords]

Some Greek Mythology Hades + Persephone Notes

It’s been funny to me, having this story cropping up in FFXIV stuff lately lol. The myth of Hades and Persephone has been a huge part of my life since I was a little girl. My mom used to read different versions of it to me (among other things) in beautifully illustrated treasuries. I remember even then it made a big impression. One of my favorites.

In high school, I tried to retell the story. And I did an absolute BUTTLOAD of research for it. I read not just the Homeric Hymn to Demeter, Ovid’s iteration, the more recent accounts in Bullfinches and Edith Hamilton’s Mythology. I listened to Monteverdi’s L’Orfeo and read the libretto. I found Claudian’s version. I went to Hesiod’s Theogony so I would understand where the gods came from before discovering their callings.

At the time I wasn’t ready. As a writer, I wasn’t at the level I needed to be and my trying to be historically authentic wasn’t the right road given what resonated for me personally. I do think I’m about ready now, just need to sort some stuff out.

But I have a few thoughts I’m going to include under a cut. This was a little inspired by another post on my dash, and it started with me being a bigass nerd nitpicking a detail lol. And I was side-eyeing myself all “don’t be that guy, it’s a good post”. And then I just got to thinking about the characters again a bit, and I still have a lot of affection and thoughts, so in the end I decided to just collect the bunch and plop ‘em here.

The nitpick thing comes from The Theogony.

Something that really stunned me when I first realized it--the original six children of the titans Cronos and Rhea had no assigned roles or tasks. They were, effectively, just people. Just gods. No elements, no affiliations.

Hestia, goddess of the hearth and home, a virgin, was the eldest. Not the eldest daughter only--of her, Demeter, Hera, Hades, Poseidon, and Zeus, she was first. Hades was the eldest son. Zeus, of all of them, was youngest while Hera was the youngest daughter only.

For a long time I’ve thought there was something kind of lonely, sad, interesting, and kind about Hestia and Hades. They both kept to themselves for the most part. Both avoided the drama and extreme punishments/squabbles of the other gods.

Each of the original six except for Zeus was consumed by their own father.

Being gods, they continued to grow and learn and survived even so. But it’s something I think about, and the idea that every one of them who went through the experience faced it alone is something I think about too.

Zeus was only able to escape because Rhea hid him. I wonder if she’d tried to hide the others only to be thwarted every time. I wonder if she stopped wanting to have children because she knew what would happen to them. There may have been a time she loved her husband, but if I remember correctly she helped her children slay him in the end. I wonder if she grew to truly hate him or if any love that remained was just outweighed by her horror.

Zeus had to be suspended from the trees in a cradle. If he’d been on the ground, the sky, or the sea alone then Cronos would have found and consumed him. His formative years would have been ruled by the fear that with one misstep, he’d be discovered and eaten as well. I think about that sometimes too, given he was so afraid of the prophecy that any offspring with Metis would outstrip the father in power that he literally ate his lover before she could give birth. When Athena was born anyway, bursting from her father’s skull in full armor, I wonder if he realized that he’d become the most horrifying embodiment of his father. I wonder what conversations followed between him and Athena that led to her becoming honored and beloved by him instead of feared. And I find it interesting that for all the love and pride Zeus felt for his goddess of war who outstripped him, he only ever felt scorn for Ares--the god of war and his only son with Hera.

But anyway.

Rescued by Zeus, the original six made alliances with their uncles the Cyclopes, the Hecatoncheires/the Hundred Handed Ones. And from them, the sons each received gifts to help them do war against the titans who would see them destroyed. Zeus received the lightning bolt. Poseidon, the trident. And Hades was gifted a helm of invisibility. Again, at that point none had any kingdoms or callings.

When the Olympians won, the brothers drew lots among themselves. I actually think the order might have been detailed too. Before they made their selections, I wonder if they were more afraid or hopeful. One of them would be the king of all the gods, ruler of the heavens. One of them would be banished from their midst to dwell only with the dead for the rest of his years.

Hades went first. Hades got what was, in many ways, a sentence to isolation. An exile. He’d done nothing to deserve it except be brave and be willing to accept the risk of that office. Maybe there was a reason for that, and only the one willing to risk shouldering that weight could receive it

I think about how Poseidon went next, and when he was given dominion over the seas I remember reading a little about him essentially throwing a tantrum/small war. Because he wanted to rule. I think about how Hades probably watched that furious reaction. I wonder how he felt and if he and Zeus spoke at all before parting.

Hades, before Persephone, experienced fear at the onslaught from Typhon, Gaia’s son born to Tartarus as revenge upon the gods for killing her titan children. He wasn’t the only one. All the other deities became animals and fled. Zeus was caught and mutilated. Those who remained had to band together and save him.

And I think about how, despite all the wars and squabbles, Hades seemed to appreciate the gravity of his position. He honored the dead he watched over. And it was only when, stricken by Eros’ arrow at the power-hungry Aphrodite’s behest, that his loneliness and need overwhelmed him.

He must have been repressing that for a long time.

In Claudian’s version, Persephone is shown falling in love with the King of the Dead. In L’Orfeo, when Orpheus comes to plead for his wife Persephone makes clear that she does in fact love her husband and considers herself fortunate to be beside him. I think about how Persephone was both goddess of spring (birth and rebirth, the renewal of life) and the Iron Queen whose name mortals feared to speak. I wonder if nature, red in tooth and claw was part of how she reconciled these truths in herself.  I wonder what the process was like as they came to know each other and if it was difficult. I wonder what point it became clear that Hades didn’t simply need Persephone to be any companionship, any light among the dead--but as herself. As his equal and consort, who could and sometimes did challenge his decisions.

I really like the idea that their process of falling in love--Persephone, having always lived in the shadow of her mother without any opportunity to discover who she was for herself, Hades having sacrificed himself to duty to the point that it drove him mad--required both of them to help each other stand on their feet and reclaim their own identities from the circumstances smothering them. I adore the idea that they came to truly love each other after coming to know and love themselves too.

At some point I really am going to write my take on all of this as a proper story. Probably sometime soon. But it’s been nice to see the different ways pieces of Greek mythology get referenced in FFXIV, and when the specific Hades/Persephone story gets brought up by fans I remember this stuff.

[ilovetuds]

So I'd like to write my opinion towards the so waited last movie of the loved franchise How to Train your Dragon, the post will contain Spoilers so if you didn't watch it yet I recommend not reading this post. I was quite disappointed with the movie but there were also parts I really enjoyed, like I said at the beginning its my opinion and I just want to share the cons and pros of that animated movie (AGAIN IN MY PERSPECTIVE), I just felt like it had more potential than what we got and it left a lot of unsweared things about the plot of the whole dragon universe created by them and felt a little lazy.

CONS:

1- This one made me feel uncomfortable, the whole snoutloud and valka ( Hiccup's mother) kinda romance, he was clearly into her and fighting to get her attention. Common if that's not at least a little bit disturbing? It's like one of your friends start to hit on your mom, its just weird. In the end of the movie we are not sure if they will have something or not, she praises him and he gets all lovey dovey. (FOR THOR NO, PLEASE NO) 2- OKAY THIS ONE IS THE THING THAT I WAS PASEKAEOSAKOEA (really annoyed), for me the last villain, the so called 'Night Fury' killer, the one who everyone was afraid of and said he was some master of the hunt, he was pretty shallow and dumb. His character was not really detailed and his reason to kill all Night Furys was even worse. He tells Hiccup when he killed his first Night Fury his whole tribe cheered because of that, so he just decided he wanted to kill all of them, I mean that's a good reason for a villain, pride or whatever you want to call it but not for the "ultimate villain", it's just really weak and lazy plot. Maybe I should put topics here about him, I watched the whole series and read the books so I might get a little into them now:

a. He doesn't look scary at all! I mean common when we had villains like Drago who had a really cool concept, a tough looking guy who called himself Dragon God or Dargo Bloody Fist, and the guy is 50 old! The guy enslaved dragons, controlled na Alpha dragon and he even rode Toothless. He was a hell of a villain he was really a madman. Now let's talk about Krogan, if you watched the netflix series you know him. The man is fucking awesome and you can actually fear him, he has a hell of a dragon as a 'partner', has a cool scar and a tough face, he's brave and fiercefoul, you don't want to mess with that dude. He ran to every fight with his dragon or without, let's not forget he captured a titan dragon! And his plans were smart too, it was a character that had knowledge and was a really amazing. We shall not forget about Viggo Grimborn, for me one of the best character in the series, you never know if you can trust him or not, he is the Crime Lord his whole appearence on the series was amazing, you saw him grow as a character and he had a lot of good plans and traps agaisnt the raiders. And we shall not forget about Johann, the man used the vikings for years and never revealed his true intentions, he was a master mind really good villain and a big plot twist in the whole universe. I could mention some other small villains here and there but my point is, all of them were really smart and were challanging for the gang to beat, with the so called "Night Fury Killer" was really dumb and he felt not so special, he had no good plan or a good reason for you to like, hate or fear him, he was just there because they needed to show the guy almost wiped all the little toothless off the earth. His character was really dissapointing to me.

b. We wanted to see new dragons, and especially new 'bad dragons' and we got some cool scorpion like dragons, nothing super creative and new, because we had the Triple Stryke already, (which is na awesome dragon). He had to drug those dragons to obbey him, which doesnt explain how they would listen to just him it made no sense at all. They were strong yea, but they were also dumb. Toothless got rid of 5 or 6 of them so easily it felt stupid. Like no challange whatsoever. 

c. His poison darts were na idea we seen in the whole franchise a lot, so nothing new, I know it is a movie for kids but his darts could be deadly, like when he shot the dragon who charged after him, it would add a lot more to his character as evil and na asshole if he killed the dragon instead of putting it to sleep, just looked really overused to me. d. Overrall it was a really wasted character, the movie felt way too rushed and we didn't have time to see and develop anything for him. It was just a waste of animation and plot. 3- The light fury, I know a lot of people must be loving her concept, desing and etc etc, after all she is Toothless's mate, but her character at least for me wasn't much likeable. It seemed like she was just put there to end the story and to show the whole thing about growing up, because you will start to get distant of a lot of your friends and things change, because it is real life, that's true and we get it, but she as a character, she has no story, no explanation and we don't even get to know more about her. Again it felt really rushed. Don't get me wrong, I know it would be a lot of things to cover in a movie, but the whole franchise was always about giving and learning about dragons and how they react and their characteristics, so when we get nothing explained or the whole let's study this dragon or Fishleg's thirst for knowledge ( I do know he tried to draw her but he gave up too easily and didn't really seemed that interested) is dissapointing... It was finally someone Toothless could relate to and not be the end of his species, the way they should've dealt with it should've been different. There was more promo than plot. FISHLEGS DIDN’T EVEN CARE TO NAME HER, THATS HOW SPECIAL SHE WAS.

4- Hiccup's friends, his friends weren't really that important and funny, I get this whole movie is supposed to be more grown up, but we grew up with them, it felt like they were more like background characters than secondary. I think there were less dialogs and interactions between all of them, kinda sad.

5- Again the movie felt really rushed I don't think they covered things that were important for the end of the plot and focused on shallow and stupid things.

6- The hidden world, I wanted to learn and to see more of the hidden world, how it worked, the new species there, something, anything. Instead we just got a grumpy toothless going back to the new Berk with Hiccup and a stupid chase. I found something really strange too, with that many dragons, there should've been an Alpha, another dragon other than Toothless, but it's too convenient that we learn that Toothless is also Alpha in the Hidden World, and not just that suddenly all the dragons see him as a superior. AGAIN RUSHED and lazy, IT WAS THE FUCKING HIDDEN WORLD OF THE LEGENDS....

7- If you watched the trailer you watched the movie. I dont know whats going on with some trailers nowadays, but they are showing too much and basically you can tell everything that it's going to happen. I think it's really dumb and disrespectful to the watchers. 

8- I know maybe you guys don't care but I really wanted to buy a new Toothless toy to put as a display on my computer, but the toys that were created for this movie, were really terrible looking and bad quality. And the new toothless (The huge one) is just the same as the other one from 2014, disapointing. 

9- They said all the dragons disappeared and bla bla, but we seen that there were dragons in the sea, in some islands really far far away and hidden caves all around the world. Maybe the dragons near Berk were gone, near the vikings but not all the dragons in the world. 

10- Where in the hell is Heather? Just that lol Where is Heather. Her dragon is sound and safe and didn't go to the hidden world. Neither did her brother's. Again a big flaw in the plot.

PROS 1- Okay I really liked the cinematography of this movie, you can tell how much they invested in it and how much they evolved, the animations, landscapes the dragons, the reflection on Toothless eyes were breathtaking. Amazing.

2- Toothless and Hiccup friendship, it is beautiful till the end, we love their friendship and how they interact with each other, theres no complain. Maybe we hate to see them getting apart because we realize that its what we are going to experience in some point of our lives, I thought I'd always see my friends from school and my friends that I had for more than 19 years, but time and life get in the way, friends will still be friends but you will likely see them less, which somehow make us sad. 

3- Astrid and Hiccup marriage, it was touching and cute, I did feel like it was more for fan service but it's alright, it was cute and they deserved each other. 4- Astrid Growth, she had na amazing develop as a character and being always there to help Hiccup was really a big plus for her. 

5- 'Mini meatlug' IT WAS ADORABLE ENOUGH SAID.

6- Hiccup realizing he had potential and with or without Toothless he would be a great leader, that is a really special moment in the movie and it's touching too, learning to believe in yourself and being independent.

7- Hiccup mother's appeared a lot during the movie, she had no super special scene but it was nice to see her and her adorable dragon. 

8- The new 'elk dragon' I'm sorry I don't know his name in english yet and I just wanted to write this fast cuz I mainly don't really have anyone who's a fan to talk about and I'm excited! Anyways, he is just so cuteee! 

9- The riders armors, it was a really cool idea and cool looking I approve that.

10- Toothless Babies, I really thought they would look cuter lol but I guess that's alright and we can't complain we got to see a nightlight fury babies for the first time so cuteee! Okaaaay if you guys want to add more points to my list or disccus about some feeel free! I want to talk about the moviee lol

[catalinaswift13]

Dear @taylorswift

I’m a 100% you won’t even reas this, but I don’t lose anything trying.

You’ve been a huge inspiration for me, I used to envy you for a lot of dumb things when I was younger but the I grew up, and realise I envied you because you were everything I wanted to be (you remain that role model today)

I became a fan of yours a little late, on 2014, but your story truly inspired me. A year before I became a fan, I was 12/13 years old, and I was being bullied at school, so I started writing songs because I found as a way to do catharsis. My best friend was a huge fan of you, and she wanted to be a successful singer and songwriter like you, and to be honest, I followed her steps, because music has been always a hige part of my life. So I started songwriting at the age of 14.

Now is 2019, I’m 18 (I’ll be turning 19 in September oh my god) and I have more than a 100 songs written, thanks to the motivation I’ve been getting from you, always telling me to never give up. I admire you so much. All of the qualities you have, are the the qualities look up to have one day, kind, brave, smart, talented, beautiful inside out.

I almost gave music up. But I drop out of college of a career I wasn’t enjoying to change to study musical production, qnd maybe one day make my own music. I want to thank you for reminding me and millions of girls that dreaming big is always something that we should allow ourselves to do. People has tried to drown you and ashamed you but you stepped up for yourself and fight for you reputation (see what I did there?) and gave us one the best pop albums of the 21st century.

Everytime I hear your Grammy speech from 2016 in which you speak about people taking credit for your own successes, how little girls and young woman should never give up on their dreams regardless who are willing to drag them down, and when the finally achieve their dream that they’ve been chasing, that moment is going to be magical and it’sgoing to be theirs

(okay I’m about to cry, I put the video of the speech to remember specifically what you said and my eyes filled with tears, the power you have omg)

I still think you’ll never read this, but if you do, I want to thank you. I choose music, I choose to write songs, I choose to sing, and Everytime I doubt myself because people are always telling me to have a dream that is more “down to earth”, more “achievable” more “real” I know you’ll be there to remind me, to do the contrary, dream big. Thank you so much for everything, and thank you for fighting for the woman in the music industry

(maybe one day I’ll part of it and I’ll enjoy all this rights and fair, equal treatment because you fought for it)

I’m so sorry what has happened to you in regards to your songs. But Taylor, you’ve been through a lot worse, and you made it through, because you’re strong, brave, smart, powerful and a successful woman, who never let’s anyone step on her. So I know you’ll get your songs back, because they’re 13 years of work that belong to you, and justice we’ll be made, I promise. ;

(Also, thank you for bless us with three beautiful singles, I attached my cover of “The Archer” so maybe you’ll see this post easier) I can’t wait to hear Lover💘

I can’t wait for this album, even though I know I won’t be seeing you live because even if you came to Argentina I wouldn’t be able to afford it, I would listen to this album, and I will be there seeng videos of everyone of your concerts, I would enjoy every song knowing how hard you’ve work on everyone of them and I’ll keep making my covers hoping someday I get to be a singer like you because you always believe in us, believe in me, and sometimes I feel you’re the only one, because I don’t even believe in myself.

I will pray to anything so you would read this and know how you’ve change my life. I admire you so much, and you need to know that no matter how hard life is on you, there’ll be millions of us, of fans, who’ll catch when you fall.

The best people in life are free.

I love you,

Thank you for being who you are, Taylor❤️

@taylornation @taylorswift

[poorlittleklainer]

Day Five: Exclude

Set during the summer that Kurt and Rachel move to NY after the original story ends.

Despite being able to drive out with Rachel and me to move into our loft, Blaine had to leave pretty soon afterwards on his next tour, which would take him to the areas of the country that he hadn't been able to get to during his tour last summer. During that time, even though I was finally in New York, it was just the same as this last year. Our only interactions were through our cell phones or computer screens. However, one of the things I continued to do was watch his interviews. It always was a joy to see him on the television, talking about his album or his tour or what's next in his life.

"Kurt, the commercial break's almost over!" Rachel calls out from the couch. I turn back to our living room to see the current commercial ending and the intro music to the talk show Blaine was doing start. I grab the two tea mugs I had been making and carry both of them to the couch, handing Rachel hers and sitting down next to her. We both turn to look as the interviewers start to introduce Blaine.

"He's just won a Grammy for Best New Artist, and is currently traveling across the country on his tour, Blaine Anderson Dreams. He has recently released his third album, Dreams, available on iTunes and stores everywhere. Please join us in welcoming teen singing sensation Blaine Anderson!" The crowd breaks out into loud applause as Blaine walks out, his usual charming dapper self as he waves to the audience. He kisses the cheek of the interviewer, it surprises me with how much I watch these talk shows that I have no idea who any of these people are. They sit down, and it takes a couple seconds for the audience to die down.

"Hello, Blaine. How are you doing?" She asks. Blaine grins widely, and to anyone that doesn't know him, he looks completely at ease. But I can tell, behind his put together demeanor, he's exhausted.

"I'm doing great! How are you?" He says.

"I'm good, I'm good. Um, so you're currently on your second national tour. How's that going?" She quickly gets started on asking about the tour.

"It's great, it's really been such a blast. I get to go to all these different states and see all these different people and do what I love doing and that's singing. If you think about it, I'm getting paid to do the thing I normally do all the time at home," the audience laughs at Blaine's comment, and I can't help but chuckle along at how true those words are.

"How often would you say you just suddenly break into song?" She asks. Blaine laughs at her question, and it takes him no time at all to answer back.

"All the time. I'll be cooking dinner and I'm singing along to the radio. I'll be getting dressed and suddenly start humming along to whatever tune pops into my head. I probably spend more time singing than I do talking which can sometimes annoy everybody who's around me," Blaine answers.

"Do you ever like, start singing something and realize that you're singing a song of yours that hasn't been released yet or a tune that you think, 'hey, that'd be a really cool chorus?'" Blaine takes a second to think, but I don't need to even think about that answer.

"All the time," I whisper, causing Rachel to laugh next to me.

"Sometimes, I think. I don't even remember much of what I sing normally, my boyfriend would probably have a much different answer than I do," Blaine says. Rachel and I laugh at Blaine's truthful statement, and I'm already pulling out my phone to text him, knowing his phone is in his dressing room.

"Speaking of your boyfriend, you guys kind of jumped into public life pretty quickly last year. Your Grammy appearance for example and after that you've had both positive and also some negative feedback, am I correct?" Blaine nods, bringing the microphone back up to his face quickly.

"Yeah, it's definitely, kind of surreal when I stop and think about it because I grew up with people trying to keep me in the closet. And so when I came out to my close friends and family, it was a completely different experience than when I came out publicly during my first tour. And so now, when I get messages from fans saying 'oh you're so brave for doing what you're doing' and hearing the stories of their own experiences it completely shocks me. So when I mention my boyfriend or I'm out with him, and there's so many positive messages, and yeah there are some negatives messages, but the overwhelming majority of people's support is positive, sometimes it just, blows my mind," Blaine answers. I listen on with a smile, knowing from experience the kind of messages people send Blaine, having read the few that he keeps in his little recording room in the penthouse that impact him the most personally.

"Because a lot of people view you guys as a kind of role model, are there ever times when you wish that you hadn't introduced your relationship to the public and excluded your private live from your public life?" Blaine takes another minute to think about his answer, and I have to admit, I'm curious about it too. Sure, sometimes the public aspect of our relationship sucks, the fact that there are rumors and things of that nature that constantly pop up that we try to ignore is a good example, but I wouldn't really change anything.

"I'd be lying if I said there weren't times when I thought that," Blaine begins, "but at the same time, he has become such a huge part of my life, knowing him he's probably watching this right now back in New York," Rachel and I laugh, and I pull out my phone to text him guilty as charged, of course I'm watching you idiot while he continues. "I think that we have a chance to reach more people by being so open about our relationship and ourselves. We're able to show not only young gay kids but also anybody else who identifies as different and gets picked on because of it that it will get better in the future. And that's so important to both of us, to show that while things may not look so good right now, they get so much better down the road," he finishes. The audience applauds his last answer, and I smile proudly at the image of him on the screen, knowing that he means every single word he just said, and I'm immensely proud to be able to say he's mine.

"That's all the time that we have right now. Blaine will be preforming tonight, details are on our website right now, along with his schedule so if you can't make his performance tonight, maybe you can make another one in the future. Blaine, it was so nice to have you."

"Thank you for letting me on the show," he quickly says. The interviewer smiles and looks back at the camera.

"After the break, we will be talking with-" Rachel turns the television off, and I turn to her, still smiling.

"I will be sleeping with my noise cancelling headphones on because last time he gave an interview like that, you two kept me up half the night making noises I don't want to know my best friend makes. So, that said, goodnight," she gets up and heads towards her bedroom while I blush. I take my mug of tea into my bedroom and pull the curtain around, grabbing my laptop and headphones before I send a text to Blaine.

Hurry up and get onto Skype.

[queermequeeryou]

chapter one

Leo was arranging all the papers on her desk and just preparing for the next lecture as usual. Nothing has changed in her life recently. University work, evenings with her brother and few drinks with him and his boyfriend during the weekends as well. She really enjoyed this way of living. She would never come back to Spain. However, thinking about mother was still making her feel indifferent. They were never really close but it was strange to her when she was realizing that she doesn’t have anybody in the country where she has grown up. Anyway, life goes on, everything changes. Why should she bother? She was quite tend to reflect on life and dozens of other things so it was kinda unavoidable. She opened the window to let some fresh air inside the room.

“Good morning, Professor” said few students who just came into the class and started unpacking their notebooks.

She leaned her head as usual and checked if she has all literature that she needed for today. When she realized that Paris Burton has arrived in a company of the other student named Rebecca Bray, Leo immediately focused her look on the notes. She didn’t like to catch her glance today. This was all very strange. Leo would never do the first step or even show any kind of unusual interest towards a student. She has always considered herself a professional so it was beyond consideration. Although, when Paris started to come to her in extra hours to ask about helping with Spanish grammar, she knew that something is on. She couldn’t resist her. That was very straightforward and it was impossible to read it the other way. Paris was very brave and reckless with her flirt and eventually, Leo replied for her gestures. She couldn’t say without hesitation  that she regretted it. Paris was great lover and they enjoyed each others companion but Leo couldn’t stop blaming herself and tried to distance. Although, it was really hard as they were seeing each others three times a week at university. Sometimes even more, when they accidentally met on the corridors or somewhere between other lectures. Paris was really hot and had this very tempting vibe that one couldn’t neglect. Leo didn’t know what to do but she decided not to go crazy on this. If the principal will find it, she’ll find it. No need to further concerns. Nevertheless, personal second-thoughts can sometimes be harder punishment than others opinions.

“Buenos dias estudiantes” said Leo when the time was right and all students gathered in the room. “Today we’re going to review the Pretérito Indefinido.”

*

After one and a half hour of practicing Spanish grammar with the students, Mad thanked them for the time spent together on learning and started to pack her things as this was the last lecture for today. People started to flow out of the room as it was also finish of their study day because Spanish course was an extra thing they could choose if they had enough points from grades and also enough motivation to stay and learn after hours. Mad took her case bag and closed the window.

Leo?” she heard Paris’ voice behind and immediately felt cautious as she wasn’t sure if everybody else’s out so they could speak that openly to each other. “Could you give me a ride?”

Mad gave her a look and started to think about the excuses. It was quite pointless as she figured out quickly.

“Yep. Come on. I’ll be waiting in the car. Hurry up, please” she replied and sped up her walk a little bit.

Nothing unusual. She was working at university. Nobody cared. She opened the door to her Ford Lincoln Continental from 60s that she really admired as it was not only a good car but also looked like a piece of art - matching her everyday elegant suit that she wore almost all time. Mad loved old cars. She could have dozens of them if she would be a billionaire. She lit a cigarette and waited not more than two minutes. Paris was there.

“Sorry, had to buy cigarettes but this fuckin gas station near uni is already closed” she said putting on the safety belt.

“You can have mine” replied Mad and gave her a cigarette.

“Mind helping me with the fire?”

Mad took a look around. Nobody near her car or in the close sight. She lit her cigarette as well also trying hard to glance too hard on her lips.

“You look gorgeous” said Mad when she started the ignition and they headed to the highway.

Paris put a hand on her knee.

“Maybe I can have a drink at your place? I’m not alone at the flat today” she suggested with a smile.

“Ok, sure” Mad took Paris’ hand from her knee and kissed it gently.

*

Paris took a nap while Mad was simply laying down and smoking. Trying to thing about anything else but self-blame. She was mature. Why blaming? She just didn’t want to lose the work she loved the most. Paris woke up and smiled then lied closer to Mad and let her arm embrace her.

“I love you” said Paris while looking at smoke.

Leo tried to not show her real reaction. She just kissed her on the cheek and rubbed her arm gently. That was all she could do. Although, inside she was panicking.

*

Mad really didn’t see that coming. Of course, she knew how much admiration Paris has been showing towards her from the first lecture and throughout their affair but love declaration wasn’t what she expected. She didn’t know what to do. She was the worst when it comes to stable relationships and she wasn’t into starting anything serious with 24-year-old girl. She shouldn’t let this happen. She really liked her, found her an intelligent, talented woman and she also found her very attractive although she didn’t consider declarations. It was something like friends with benefits for Mad. She was thinking about what has happened yesterday while she was on the steps at university. She came earlier today because she wanted to look through the library and work a bit on editing her book on Botswana she has finished writing recently. There was a sophisticated, classy looking women sitting in the main corridor. She seemed to wait for somebody. Leo met her glance for a second and she stare into her eyes while also straightening her dress a little bit. Mad went to the library and started work. After a while, she forgot about this incident because she focused on work she really loved. Leo went into the flow that always helped her to forget about the problems. She loved teaching Spanish, working and writing about Africa. She felt strong urge to go there again soon. Maybe there’s going to be a good idea. She thought she fancy some coffee so she decided to do a break after an hour or so. Went out of the library therefore. She saw that an elegant older woman was still walking around and looking onto her phone, then again around. Mad went closer.

“Excuse me, I’m a lecturer here. Maybe I might help? Are you looking for somebody?” she asked the elegant woman.

She stare at her for a longer moment.

“Yes, my niece was said to finish at 11:00 AM because she had only one lecture but she’s still not there. I’m worried”

“Mind if I’ll ask which major and year? Maybe I know more about that”

“Linguistics.Third year.” she replied with the worried voice.

Mad smiled a bit.

“Oh, they have two lectures more because they had them cancelled last week so professor Morgan decided to use the time for it so they won’t be forced to do it in the future and stay late at night” she replied kinda proud that she know it.

Paris has studied linguistics so she knew everything as she told her yesterday.

“Oh, so I have plenty of time. I might have a latte first and probably I’ll come later. Thank you. Do you know if there a café’or something?” said the lady.

Leo smiled again.

“Yes, I do. I am also heading there so I can lead you”

“Yes, please” replied the lady and followed Leo’s path.

“So, what do you teach?” she asked accidentally.

“Spanish. I was born in States but actually grew up in Spain so I’m well prepared to that” Mad was thinking if it’s not too much information but at this point, she just wanted to keep interest for a while. This woman was very fierce and she wanted to meet her a little bit more.

“Oh, that’s fascinating. I was in Spain hundreds of times. Mostly, because of gigs I used to have in the 80s”

Mad looked at her again and then she realized why her face seems familiar.

“I though I knew you somehow”.

“Oh, you don’t have to lie. I was really a one hit wonder. Nobody knows me anymore except old people like me” her reaction was kinda sweet but she said it in a really cold tone. Like most of what she said it was meant to be careless. Even if she used polite words it was all with a sense of privilege in her voice although, Mad didn’t mind it. She found it seducing.

“I’m not that young and besides that, I listen to 80s music mostly so I’m really not lying. LaToya Johnson. Your hit’s song name is Glance of love, right?”

She probably blushed a little bit and focused her gaze in the opposite direction.

“That’s correct. But I hope you’re not listening to this kind of cheesy music too much.

“Honestly speaking, no. I’m not a huge fan of music by artists like Jennifer Rush, Dionne Warwick or I don’t know... Celine Dion but I heard their hits few times and I can say which one is whose. Although, I know you’re more like Taylor Dayne than Whiney Houston but I hear the song and I enjoy in some kind of strange way” said Mad while trying to examine the older lady with her glance.

She didn’t reply. The coffee was ready so Leo stood up and brought both. Their hands touched, of course not accidentally as she gave LaToya her cup. Mad took off her suit jacket and put it on the back of the chair. Rolled her sleeves a little and then tried the coffee.

“It’s been so hot there, isn’t it?” said LaToya giving her a look above the cup and then, she focused on her drink.

Leo felt the tension from the first moment but this time it was quite different. The woman was approximately half her age older and she was very classy. She didn’t want to read her signs too far or too fast. LaToya put her leg on the another in a very sophisticated gesture but she also jogged Mad’s ankle. Leo wasn’t looking for another affair as she decided to focus on work after this thing that happened with Paris but the woman was really hard to resist.

“What’s your name?” asked LaToya quite out of the blue.

“Leo” she replied without further explanation.

LaToya didn’t ask about the details. She accepted that;s her name even if she obviously knew that it’s not a birth name for a woman.

“Leo, what really interests you?” it was another question that made her really intrigued.

She was thinking for a moment. What was the point of giving her the answer?

“Besides languages. Africa. I wrote quite a few books on this topic. Just finished one on Botswana. I was living in Gaborone for eleven months also in other little villages nearby. I was teaching English there. Honestly, I can’t wait to get back to Africa. It’s quite addicting” she told LaToya getting comfortable with her immediately.

“So, why are you there?”

“I have father and brother and the rest of my family in the States. Most of them, in NYC. Mother was from Spain, we were living there. She was adopted and her parents where weirdos, so they were not in touch. And she died last year. So, I’m here. I love it there but also I will go to Africa for few months again soon, that’s for sure” said Leo and took a sip of her coffee.”What interests you, LaToya?”

Mad hestitated a little before asking that straightly. She didn’t even know if she can call her that informally but it was the best way to try it out.

She put her coffee back on the table and played a little with her ring.

“I have a book publishing. I really like meeting interesting people.Not only because of my job.In general.I guess that I’m just interested in people the most. Considering my background, it’s quite surprising I’m still that into others but that’s, I suppose, the best answer to that” as usual Mad heard some coldness in her voice.

She was very closed. Phone notification has interrupted their talk. Mad apologized and looked onto her mobile screen. That was the mail from the staff telling her she has two lectures canceled because of the exams.

“All’s right?”

“Yes. I’m sorry for just staring into my phone silent that long.Just got the message from administration and have cancelled lectures. They need to occupy the language room for the exams” she explained to LaToya.

“Oh, I see. Do you mind having a short stroll and telling me more about your books?” asked LaToya in a very sophisticated manner.

“Sure, that’s an interesting idea” Mad took her suit jacket and they went out.

They were walking for half and our or so. That was very interesting conversation. Leo couldn’t recall the time when she was talking with somebody who had that much knowledge on some subject but still made her feel good in their presence, without much distance. Maybe, it was because she found LaToya’s coldness attractive because most of the people felt annoyed or bothered. She liked that game. First, she tried to act like she’s not realizing that at all and was just normally pleasant but she also has started to play a little bit. LaToya seemed to enjoy it but the older lady always stopped that in a moment she felt it was right. Like she wanted to control the situation. After another joke, she just suggested:

“Ok, Mrs. Africa. How would you find talking again? That’s my business card. Call me, we’ll discuss again and maybe, I will publish your new book” LaToya smiled for the first time not ironically but it was really quick.

She passed her the card but also held it for a moment giving her a short but deep glance.

Mad has put the card in the inner pocket of her jacket.

“See you soon, LaToya” said Mad and went to her old, elegant car.

LaToya were observing her for a while smoking a thin cigarette. Leo met her glance when she was about to come into the car. She put the jacket on the backseat and drove away.

Older Lady spent few minutes just smoking and thinking.

“Auntie? I hope you got my message. We got more lectures today” that was Paris Burton looking as good as everyday when Mad was meeting her at Spanish course and also after hours.

“No worries, honey. I was working nearby. Come on, I have my car on the opposite site of the road. How was the day?” replied LaToya while stubbing out her cigarette.