#listened to i bet on losing dogs by mitski while making her

[lotuswhim]

juana ‎♡🩰✧

[s1ckh1mb0]

You know who you’d meet at a mitski concert? Fucking rich boy! Armin. You’d be listening to once more to see you when someone had pushed armin into you (did all see the video of those girls fucking yelling at a mitski concert? No etiquette fr). He felt so bad cause the white flared pants you wore got all messed up. He could see the disappointment in your face cause the girl also spilled her drink on you. All without even a damn apology. He helped you up and you both ended up chatting about how much a bitch the girl was. He gave you his sweater since he has a shirt under and the two of you stuck together for the rest of the concert. He brought you up to the front row where he was and you two ended up bonding over loving the song abbey and real men.

At the end of the concert he gave you a ride home. As wary as you should have been you two just clocked, that and your friends had your location so you weren’t as worried. You two talked your heads off until he got to your house. Even when you got the two of you stayed in front of your house, he even showed you some of the lyrics from Francis forvever tattooed on his ribs. You two were just vibin until around 3 in the morning. He left giving you his number and making plans which you happily obliged to. As soon as you got in the house you happily told you friends all about it, sending the pictures that you two took together. Imagine your surprise when they send you his insta. Armin Arlert, the fucking model. You didn’t even know he was famous, it was just your luck. While on the phone your phone went off with a ding.

Minny: “So when are you free again?”

[nemesyaaa]

a house in nebraska ! rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary ; you were the reason he won't come home but you still call home. this story is based on the song of ethel cain.

warnings : it's angst. fully angst. it's about toxic relationship. so violence, arguing and fighting, sick behavior, daddy and mommy issues, the urge of love and being loved, mentions of drugs, the feeling of being misunderstood and unsteady. home is used as a metaphor of relationship. it's about inner rage too. slight of smut but very little. both rafe and reader being fucked up. southern goth/small town coded.

author's note : it's my first time writing angst so be easy one me please ! as i said, it's based on " a house in nebraska" by ethel cain (because she's my favorite artist and my muse.) and a lot of her songs make me think of rafe, but i also take inspo of her others songs like crush, strangers, and hard times. also a hint of bet on losing dogs by mitski.

i dont know how many words are in this works, but i think around 3k ? it's a one-shot ! BETTER TO READ IT WHILE LISTENING TO A SAD SONG. (a house in nebraska (live version)or anything else)

you lived in the nebraska with rafe, he was your man and you were his girl. it was a small town that allowed you to be just him and you against the world, to be safe from the rest. but the ugly truth was that your house had become a raging mess. the mattresses had become dirty, the silence too comfortable, the night too long, the emptiness too deep, the love too absent and the violence too present. everyone was angry here, even demons and the silence.

rafe was a storm, and every time you tried to calm it, you became further worse. no, you weren't becoming like him, you were becoming him, the mirror of his emotions, full of rage and inexpressible feelings. like a bomb, you needed it to come out, to scream and explode. like a bomb, you needed to hurt, and destroy everything in your way.

you had built this house together, when he still worked with his hands, oh god, how much you loved those big and strong hands, the dirt and bruises on his skin. the softness of his palms when he touched you, the pulsating veins engraved. they were made to love you, to caging you. they were always rushed with blood and wounds because of his work, but despite how dirty they were when he came home, they were always pure and clean on your body. but you also were so in love with his messy sweaty hair, caressing by the wind. he was tall and handsome, the kind of man who worked all day, and drunk at night, some whiskey or bourbon. but never missed to please the needs of his girl.

when he smoked his red marlboros on the porch, you were sitting on his lap like a sleepy girl to take a nap on his heavy arms that managed to hug your body. when he took a sip of his cold beer, while you had nothing to do but being his own pretty girl. when he allowed you to bathe him, cleaning the mess and the sweat. when you used to learn him how to play some classic music on the old piano, and he was just turned on by the way you used so damn well your fingers, and making you sit on the board, and fuck you right there, even if the windows were wide open.

at this time, you would have die for him.

when he still listened to what you said, when he still answered your calls and did not make you sick by his silence, when you laughed every time he came home . but now you were starting to hate the fact that he was coming.

how did the man who was supposed to make you so happy manage to break you so easily? but you weren't an angel either, oh far from it, you had neither wings nor halo on your head, you didn't even have god in your heart. you made him, like all men, your enemy.

it was four in the morning, it was still dark, you were waiting in the living room.

the tv wasn't on. rafe had broken it during an argument. that wasn’t the only thing he shattered, you had to be the hardest thing he does. not even with his fists, with just the force of his words, the way they were murderous, the way they had the force to tear your heart open and crushed it into pieces.

most people would say that this man was not the type to cry, that a man doesn't cry, but rafe cried. and you had seen him a couple of times, and the first time you saw him burst into tears, you knew straight away that it was the real him. that behind all this hatred, this anger, there was a hurted little boy. and who grew up with an open wound, a wound impossible to heal, even with all the love in the world.

rafe was the kind of man who screamed, who cried, who bled, a fallen angel who had lost god along the way, who had been ignored, but mostly, never heard.

when he opened the door to the house, you hated the strong smell of alcohol, but also of blood. you never asked him for anything, the only thing you wanted was for him to come home on time for dinner, to go to bed with you. but no one, absolutely, no one tamed a dog like him. and you rathered not bet on losing dogs.

“where were you ?? ” you had already started shouting due to lack of patience, getting up from the chair to confront him.

you had seen him sigh, making that bored face, like you had no reason to be upset, that face that made all women become even worse.

“if you had the same energy to scream when we fuck, we would have a fantastic sex life.”

“seriously, rafe? you want to play the asshole, right now ? ”

“ it will suit your bitch behavior, so why not ?”

you slapped him very hard in the face. what obviously rafe didn't find this very amusing, he crushed you in the wall, pinned your hands above your head.

“ don't you dare slapping me again. you want to be mean, sweetheart ? i can be meaner. let's see....oh this is the necklace that your mom offered to you before leaving ? how sweet. maybe, i can sell it for a good price. ”

“ rafe. don't. ”

he shushed you, by putting his other hand on your mouth. “ you're not allowed to talk right now. you had your turn for, now, it's my fucking turn. and i will do whatever the fuck i want ! it's my house, my rules. ”

he unhooked the necklace, as you tried to break away from his grip but he closed his fingers tighter against your wrists.

“I'm going to kill you, no matter what you do, i'm going to kill you. ”

“murder me” he said with a louder voice. “i’m asking you to murder me! it’s probably the only good thing you’ll have done well in your life. you know even if i die tonight, i will die yours. even if you kill me, i will always be here.”

he released you, and you exploded. “you have exceeded the limits, rafe! ”

” since when are there boundaries between us, sugar? we're freaks, remember? ”

you threw away the first object you found, it was an empty coffee cup. you threw it at his face. but he had dodged it with a sick smile. your jaw clenched, eyes blazing with fury, you were out of control. you were what he wanted you to be every time he came home late

” oh you can do better than that baby. i'm sure i taught you how to shoot better than this when i showed you how to kill? do you remember? ”

“ this, this fucking attitude, rafe is why everybody leaves you ! ”

“ yes. and do i fucking care, y/n ? do i fucking care ? i grew up in a family where nobody loved me, nobody reached after me, nobody looked after me, nobody dared to pay attention to me and you tell me i have to care about everyone leaving me ? no, it's not fucking fair ! so do you understand ? i don't care. if you want to leave, you know better than me that the door is open because you're the only one to be stucking in front, waiting like a fucking dog that i come come. ”

“ fine. i leave ! ”

you took the keys of the car, even if rafe hated that you drove, especially at midnight. but you were too upset, too mad.

your man wasn't done with you. he stood in front of the car you were driving.

“if you think i'm afraid of killing you, when you were the one who taught me how to do that, you're wrong. ”

" yes ? then show me how well i did my job. kill me. ”

“ rafe, i’m not kidding. ”

“ perfect, we are both serious then. ”

you moved the car forward, pressing the pedal with your feet. you hitted him with the car. it was strong but not violent either.

you got out of the car quickly to check on him. but he was smiling, a little blood on his face.

“are you sick!? ”

“ i raised you well, i fear. now, lick this face. i can see in your eyes how pretty you find me covered with blood, so please yourself, lick it all. ”

“ wait, i will find some tis….”

“ no, with your tongue. clean my whole face with your tongue. don't waste anything. i want to be able to kiss you right after, and recognize the taste of my blood all over your mouth. you want to be sick ? make me feel sick too. ”

maybe you were too young to realize that some loves could be bad. but this relationship was toxic. you had both destroyed each other, and it was complicated when you saw this world, this universe only through your union. you felt like you had lost a lot, like you had lost everything, like you had failed. maybe, you were the failure, and rafe, the problem. but also, maybe, he was the failure and you, the problem.

and you hated not knowing what was going on in rafe's head, you hated that no one on this earth could figure it out, and that even rafe himself didn't know it. he was crazy, he was sick but that wasn't all, it couldn't be just that.

you gave up the fight, going to the bathroom to take a bath. you needed some peace because the house didn't feel like a home anymore.

sometimes wheezie would call you to see if you were okay, she had grown up, and you lied to her all the time. because it hurt so much to be two in a relationship, but not feel like you were a part of it anymore. and the worst part of it all was that you could kill yourself for just one minute of affection, just one second of happiness, just one moment in the past when everything was okay. where rafe was still the sweet little boy you knew. but the stories were not meant to have a happy ending.

it was hard this feeling, this lack when he still lived with you in this terrible house. but one day you'll be the reason he won't come home again. but you would always call home. you promised yourself. because it would always be yours.

rafe had joined you in the bathtub. and you could tell by his red and empty eyes, his blank stare that he had been crying. he cried and he was not the drugs, he was you, only you.

and you didn't mention it. you didn't say anything. you preferred to stay smart and not start another fight.

“the walls could break down with so much screams. ” you said, laughing slightly.

“maybe we should sell the house. ”

“i like this house. i feel at home here. i have nowhere to go. ” you lied for the two first, but not for the last.

and it was true. you had built everything, paved everything here. you had remade a world. you couldn't leave, you couldn't leave anything. and above all, you were too tired to leave.

it would be a lie to say that you didn't had sex in the bathtub, that you didn't feel his tears on your shoulder, that you didn't feel his thrusts get harder each time a sob broke out his empty eyes, that you didn't feel how much he was breaking every time you took pleasure. because, it was hard for him to seeing you being happy. because it was so hard to take care of you. because it was so hard to feel loved and being loved. you were both too young, too stupid, too sick for love.

and rafe wanted to make you happy without sex, without all this selfish sex. no, he wanted to make you happy by some casual things. but sometimes, you pissed him off so bad to the point, he wanted to leave. but how can a man who hoped to be loved can leave the woman who promised to cherish him ? it was too tired, too angry, and too unsteady to leave. you broke him too. and it was sad for him, because you were the only one he was not scared to tell it hurts.

but at six in the morning you were fighting again as if it were a ritual, a need, a desire to destroy each other, as if sometimes love needed to be violent and destructive to work. actually, for freaks like you, surely.

“why did you throw my fucking drugs down the toilet?! ”

“because you don’t need that!” ”

“you don’t know what i need, you barely know what i want! you had no fucking right to do that. ”

“ don't be a crybaby ! ”

“ repeat. i dare you to repeat. ”

“crybaby! you're a fucking crybaby, rafe! your new personality changes nothing about the boy you were and will always be! what, you don't like the truth ? bad for you, i'm about to tell you what everyone doesn't want to tell you. because i'm not scared at all of you ! you're a fucking crybaby ! ”

“ but you're still here, you're still fucking here. because you know what ? i'm maybe a crybaby, but i'm a river worth wading. and this is why, you're standing in front of me with all this confidence. you wanted a broken man, you wanted someone to fix ? then come on baby, i'm here, i'm watching you, i'm listening, i'm literally at your feets, fix me ! fix the little boy you wanted, make him better. ”

“ rafe…”

“no, i'm asking you now who do you think you are? do you think that because you have this attitude, it doesn't make you a little girl who needs her daddy? because damn, yes, you need him. but i fear daddy was the only one who didn't need you because guess what ? he left. and you make all the men leave around you ! but the difference between us is that you care. when i fucking dont care.”

“ you're sick, a sick asshole. and don't touch me ! ” you pushed him away, but he came back, his hand on your throat. “ but you're the sick one who loves me, remember that ?” he answered.

“ but do you think i still love you ? ” you said with a smirk, taking pleasure to see his widen eyes. “ i'm asking you right now, do you think i still love you, and if one day, someone will like you like i do ? it would be so hard for you to find happiness after me, i can promise you this. you will fight a lot. because ? can you see ? can you see i can breathe without you, i can live without you ? but you, can you do this ? yes, you can fight, you can scream and shout but what else ? ”

“ it doesn't hurt, y/n. it doesn't hurt. and you can't break me, as you can't fix me. ”

“ then why are you crying, big boy ? why are those tears for, if not for me ? ”

“ i built a home for you, i did everything for you. ”

“ and then what ? ”

“ don't make me regret it, y/n. don't make me regret the only good thing i've made well in my life, just don't make me regret...this. you don't understand. why did every house i'm in never felt like home ? ”

“ you destroy everything, rafe. but me too, i guess. the difference is that you have an excuse, a reason for being like that. your dad fucked up with you. and i hate him for that. if he had loved you correctly, you would have known and learned how to love people, how to be attached to them. but you don't know any of that, you don't know what it is to love, and to be loved. everything i do for you, you could call it love, even when i'm mean. but it's false, love is tender, it's beautiful. but you know, i think i'm sick because i also like the way you love me, this violence, this rage, this impulsiveness, it drives me crazy but it makes me alive. so, do you think you could do it again? ”

“ why you didn't leave, why you never leave ? ”

“ because it's our house. we're stuck in forever. this is our house in nebraska, our only heaven. now be a good boy and cry a little for me, i think i'm going away a little...” you said, taking him in your arms, your hand placed on his back, and your hand pressed to his cheek. “don’t worry, i cry a lot too. all the time, even when you make me happy. ” you shushed him, bursted in tears in the hug.

you kissed him on the corner of his lips, your mouth meeting his tears, before he joined you in this kiss, you felt his sad and salty tongue against yours, his hands came squeeze your waist.

but now in the present, you were alone. the house still existed but it was just you.

you weren't sleeping anymore, because you kept hoping that he would come home, you were hoping that he would come home late at night.

but you were alone in a dirty and cold mattress. and you prayed for him hoping he was okay. the phone was broken but you were hoping to hear it ring, the door was open and you were waiting for a sign.

nothing was right, everything was wrong. you just wanted to say to rafe that he had you, that he had a house, and his home missed him, like nobody ever does in his life.

you didn't realize that you had been lying all this time, and that you were silently dying. but at least you died, only his.

[toomuchracket]

queen of hearts (birthday party!matty x reader fluff)

penultimate day of valentine's week. this is a short and sweet one about you appearing at a signing with matty for the first time, a couple of months into dating. enjoy <3

“i really don't know what to wear today.”

matty leans round the doorframe, toothbrush hanging from his mouth exactly the same way a cigarette usually does. “just wear whatever,” he shrugs, voice muffled by toothpaste; he disappears to spit, and smirks at you when he returns. “go like that, even.”

“in my underwear?” you scoff. “who are we? kimye?”

your boyfriend laughs. “i love you.”

you sigh. “if you really did, you'd help me pick out an outfit.”

“baby, it's just an album signing, it's not fashion week. but alright,” matty stands behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, scrutinising the contents of the two weekend bags you've emptied onto his bed. “i like that skirt there,” he points at a long satin black and white swirly thing. “you could wear it with one of my t-shirts, if you wanted?”

his voice sounds so tender you can't help but smile, leaning round to kiss his cheek. “would you want me to wear one of your t-shirts with it, darling?”

“yeah,” matty nuzzles his face into your neck. “maybe that my bloody valentine top you've secretly had your eye on for years.”

“i have not!”

“liar,” he pinches your bare hip, kissing your neck when you yelp before letting go of you to rifle through his wardrobe. “here,” he returns with the t-shirt. “arms up, sweetheart.”

“m’not a baby, you know,” you grumble, as matty puts the top on for you.

“yeah, you are,” he beams when your face reappears from the fabric, taking it in his hands and kissing all over it. “my baby, my baby.”

“betting on losing dogs, are we?”

“hmm? wait, don’t tell me, i know this one, i do,” your boyfriend closes his eyes, reopening them and squinting in anticipation. “... mitski?”

you cheer, kissing him. “yes!”

he grins. “i listened to that album. liked it.”

“it's a good one,” you pull your skirt on and slip into your shoes; matty automatically kneels to help you lace them. “i think - oh, thanks, babe - yeah, i think i might see if i can buy it on vinyl today, actually.”

“dunno if you'll be able to, darling,” matty kisses your thigh through your skirt. “the amount of fans who've asked me if you're coming today? i reckon you'll be bombarded the whole time.”

“really?”

“yeah. people love you!” your boyfriend stands, kissing you deeply. “but not as much as i do. obv.”

“love you,” you kiss him again. “even when you're being delusional about how popular i am amongst your fanbase.”

“i'm right.”

“whatever you say, baby.”

as much as it pains you to admit it, when you begin to near the record shop in the car, it's clear that he really is. while you're in the middle of a conversation (interrogation, really) with ross about the mutual acquaintance of yours he’s started seeing - a travel photographer you know from condé nast meetings - matty elbows you in the ribs. “sorry, darling, i didn't mean to do that so hard. just got excited,” he grins, gesturing with his head to something on the street outside the window. “look at that girl's tote bag.”

grumbling, rubbing your sore chest, you squint to see what he means; when you do, your jaw drops. “fuck off. is that me?”

“yeah! as one of those saint candles!” matty laughs. “wonder where she got it. i want one. i'm gonna ask,” when the car stops, traffic gridlocked, he opens the window and leans out, while you facepalm and ross winces. “yo! love the tote bag! where'd you get it?”

“i made it!” a voice calls back, barely audible amidst the shrieks of the people around it. “i can make you one, too, matty!”

“would you? oh, thank you, darling. you're coming to the signing, yeah?”

“yeah!”

“alright. we'll talk then. see you!”

“tell your girlfriend i love her!”

matty laughs. “she's right here, she heard!”

the shrieks get even louder. your jaw drops, and ross laughs. “maybe you should wave to them, mate.”

“this is fucking insane,” you mutter in disbelief, undoing your seatbelt and shuffling to sit on matty's lap; his hands make their way around your waist on instinct, and you lean out the window somewhat nervously. “um. hi, guys?”

the scream you get in response is almost deafening - the six girls, none of whom look older than nineteen, look totally ecstatic to see you, squealing your name and waving so excitedly you can't quite comprehend it. you grin, and laugh when the one with the tote bag brandishes it towards you with a cry. “my patron saint!”

“oh, bless you,” you wink, and matty kisses your shoulder (out of sight of the audience) as they all laugh. “how are you guys, anyway? excited?”

the chatter restarts, but the smallest girl piques your attention first. “yeah! this is my first 75 album signing. i'm hyped!”

“is it?” matty pokes his head out, at the exact same time you say “mine too”. he kisses your cheek. “aww, that's cute. i mean, i've been going to your book signings for years, but,” he exaggeratedly rolls his eyes, and ross laughs from the other side of the car. “whatever.”

you sigh, turning to the girls. “what my darling boyfriend failed to mention is that i'd send him a signed copy - with a personal message, mind you - of everything i published, as pr, and he'd still show up and buy another one and make me sign it,” you ruffle his hair. “matty healy tree murderer confirmed.”

“but that's so sweet,” one of the girls sighs.

matty points at her. “exactly! and,” he looks at you adoringly. “i just like hearing you talk. that's why i came to all the events.”

this isn't news to you, but it melts your heart nonetheless. still, you can't resist - “simp”.

“says the woman who spent three hours watching tiktok edits of me yesterday.”

the girls cackle, collapsing into each other giggling in the unique way only young women do. “real,” one of them shouts, laughing even harder when you salute to her. “oh my god, i love you!”

matty turns to you, smug. “see?” he turns back to the window. “she didn't believe me earlier, when i told her you guys were hoping she'd come with me today. underestimated how much you love her.”

“yeah, yeah,” you rest your head against his. “he’s right, though - this is surprising to me. but very lovely, you guys are sweet.”

“and you guys are perfect,” tote bag girl grins. “seriously. it's so good to see you both so happy. please don't break up, ever, it would be worse for me than my actual parents’ divorce.”

you gasp out an “oh my god”, while matty giggles. “nah, no need to worry,” he looks at you with such tenderness you could cry. “she's it for me, the love of my life; if she leaves me, i'm going with her.”

“as if i'd ever leave you. love you too much to do that,” you scoff, tugging him into you for a hug. a retching noise from the other side of the car breaks your little reverie, and you giggle. “sorry for making you sit through the sappiness, ross.”

“wait, ross is here too?!”

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

tsc thoughts while reading (beware of spoilers) starting with -

david wymack my fucking beloved

also i never rlly liked/cared for thea but her scene with jean and her nickname for him was cute

chapter 3 thoughts:

jeremy being in awe of neil and the foxes is giving me life

fanfics with alvarez in them gonna go crazy now that we actually have a first name for her (and don’t have to invent one)

oh they rich rich (in reference to jeremy’s family butler?!)

jerejean first interaction!!!!

chapter 4:

omg sunshine court mentioned

having the sudden realisation that i can never read fanfics that have jean’s perspective or anything about the how the ravens work, raven!neil/aftermath of the kings men in the same way again

my neighbours are having a party and while i’m loving the music and absolutely jealous i’m not there, it’s really distracting me from reading

ngl i rlly miss neil and andrew and the foxes please let me see my family soon

‘ what you hold onto is less important than the act of holding on itself’ nora sakavic shut the fuck up you philosophical genius i’m gonna cry this is so real to me

renee i love u

WIT WTF JEAN IS NINETEEN I DIDNT KNOW THAT OH MY GOD BABY HE JOINED THE RAVEN LINEUP AT SIXTEEN WTF

i’m drinking red wine while reading and i think that’s appropriate… also i’m listening to that jean moreau playlist someone made and it’s mega depressing https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5zlPt63Ap0AjJQ1Ff5OKrd?si=75oEzLE8SO-bfJwewM8Evw&pi=a-ge04jIlVTJGY

this is so funny to only me but i’ve been hyperfixating on one direction again and zayn just dropped new music so everytime i read about jean’s raven roomate zane i think of one direction and confused myself a bit about what fandom i’m reading rn

fuck riko u sick fucking fuck u put jean into a box with a singular hole for air and left him to die u fucking cunt

KEVIN ASKING JEAN TO PROMISE NOT TO KILL HIMSELF AFTER NORA WROTE COUNTLESS DRAFTS IN WHICH JEAN KILLED HIMSELF WHILE ON THE PHONE TO KEVIN AND THE ONLY TIME SHE DIDNT KILL JEAN OFF IS THE VERSION SHE PUBLISHED AND THE REASON WE GET TO HEAR HIS STORY TODAY IM SO BROKEN

jean’s ‘gift’ from the ravens with his broken magnets, blacked out postcards and angry letters is making me cry he deserves so much better

slowly realising that this book is gonna be super triggering lol whoops

a cool evening breeze 🥲

THAT CREEPY LITTLE GOALKEEPER IS MY FAVOURITE GUY OK

‘kevin saw nothingn but the court, but jean had stopped hoping for more than that years ago’ shut the fuckkkk uppppp i cant do this anymore kevin/jean relationship is so deeply important to me (i say this about everything)

chapter 5:

SECOND NEIL/ JEAN INTERACTION OF THE BOOK IM SO FUCKING EXCITED

‘of course it’d be you, you tedious malcontent’ ‘good morning to you too’ is so ‘morning sunshine’ ‘fuck you’ coded (neil and matt bromance confirmed)

the amount of mitski on this jean playlist is making me sick

FUCKING SCREAMING OMFG THIS IS THE JEAN/NEIL CONTENT I YEARN FOR

‘abominable cockroach’ aww jean u say the sweetest things 🥰❤️ neil loves u too babe

literally devouring every last scrap of information jean feeds us about neil - his slow, hungry, hateful smile and the madness in his eyes (neil baby i love u never change)

oh jean don’t diss aaron, do u know how many fanfics have been written about u two

tsc is confirmation that jean moreau will come into ur house and judge u based on the contents of ur fridge (and then throw out ur stash of lollies)

‘to have a real match as a palate cleanser’ jean is really trying to win my favour by borrowing neil’s sassiness huh (no wonder i love them so much together) ((and yes i know he’s BEEN sassy ok))

jean reaching for the tv screen as if he could save neil and describing andrew running for neil as if hell was on his heels is making me absolutely giddy idk whether to scream or cry i’m doing both and i’m giggling

I bet on losing dogs is so jean moreau coded omg

holy fuck nora, the moments after the raven/fox match when riko tries to kill neil is fucking amazingly written. reading from jean’s perspective as he watches the game on tv, the tension, the breathless anxiety and confusion of the scene is palpable i coukd fucking taste it, my chest is tight just reading it

JEAN SAYING ANDREW WILL BE COURT IS IMMACULATE

[spaghettiddy]

For tonight and everything

♡ Eddie Munson x reader ♡

Summary: Eddie needs your help to wash his precious hair after a tumultuos night out.

C/W: fluff, hurt/comfort, Eddie feels a little insecure and needs reassurance, alcohl, tipsiness, gn!reader.

A/N: I wasn’t expecting this to be sad but I did listen to I bet on losing dogs by Mitski on repeat writing it. Enjoy :)

Eddie hasn't drunk to the point of needing to be physically supported, but he does need supervision, so you follow him from a few steps behind as he shuffles down the suburban streets after leaving Steve's house. You watch with a tired smile as he makes grabby hands to a cat and proceeds to flip it off beacuse, understandably, it ran away from him.

Robin really shouldn't have tried to climb on top of that table while holding her beer. Clumsy as she is, she lost her balance when Blondie came on and spilled half of the can on Eddie. Who of course was an accomplice, cheering her on and offering his head as a support for Robin's climb.

Now half of his curls are smushed and dripping beer and at least two of the layers of his signature metal attire are damp and smell of booze.

As soon as the trailer door closes behind you Eddie goes for his bed, planning to fall asleep as soon as his head misses the pillow and hits anything soft. But you stop him before he can get to his room grabbing him by the shoulders and redirecting him to the bathroom.

"No no no. You have to at least wash your hair and get into something more comfortable and less wet before we get in bed," you explain, once again following him from behind with your hands still on his shoulders.

He groans reluctant and turns around. You can really see the tipsiness in his big eyes turning into tiredness.

"Ok. But you do it," he says weakly poking your chest with his index.

"What? Wash your hair?" His hair is a sacred thing. He has his routine and products and permission is needed to touch them so this is a surprise to you.

"Yeah. 'm too tired." He was already kicking off his shoes and taking off his shirt.

"Oh... okay. But it's going to be just shampoo and conditioner. You can do your usual stuff in the morning."

He kneels next to the green bathtub and adjust himself so that his his dark hair falls inside of it, it's so lo g the tips brush the bottom. He answers giving a thumbs up and waits for you to turn the water on.

You grab the shower head and adjust the water temperature then start washing Eddie's hair.

The curls get heavier like his eyelids and looser like his shoulders. Despite the uncomfortable position, thanks to your sweet touches sleepiness is really getting to him.

You can hear his little moans and grunts over the water, even a little "Yes, right there" as you massage the shampoo onto his scalp. White suds cover his head and the sweet smell of green apple fills the air of the small bathroom of the same color.

By the time your spreading the conditioner on his lengths you think he has fallen asleep if it wasn't for the warm hand rubbing up and down your leg.

Once you're done Eddie doesn't even open his eyes while you wrap a towel around his head, still lost in the blissful state he fell in with you taking care of him. Mutual touches and familiar scents grounding him at the end of an eventful night.

When he finally opens them he sees your tired expression and suddenly feels guilty. You're back and legs must be sore from bending over him and you can't hold back a yawn as you stand to tidy up.

Mixed feelings of adoration and guilt wash over him. He reaches for your leg and nudges you to move closer to him, still sat on the cold tiles. When you're close enough he rests his forehead on your thigh.

"That tired huh?" you ask. "Come on Eddie, get up. You're getting my pants wet"

"I'm sorry," he mutters in your leg.

"It's nothing just-'

When he finally looks up at you through his eyelashes his expression worries you.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. "I'm sorry for your pants and for tonight and everything -his tone gets louder and more frustrated - I'm sorry for alway stinking up the room and your clothes with my cigarettes, for the loud music, the stupid hobbies. Im sorry for people looking at you weird when we hold hands and I'm sorry you have to be here in this stupid bathroom with an idiot covered in beer and-and..."

"Oh no no Eddie, don't say that. Where is all this sadness coming from?" You're the one sounding distressed now.

He cranes his head up, just then realizing how tight he was olding onto you. An unconscious attempt to keeping you close or bracw himself during the unexpected ramble. He's already regretting what he said, already sorry again.

"Hey, hey. Look at me." You lower yourself to be next to him and take his face in your hands. He feels so solid under your touch: light skin, familiar little scars, the opposite of how he's feeling.

His eyes don't lose yours for a second from the moment they open, anxiously waiting as if you could have something horrible to tell him in response.

"Eddie," you begin in a soft voice, "you know you have nothing to be sorry for." You take a deep breath.

"It's nothing. My pants, the music, the smoke, the beer, nothing. And Eddie, those people looking. I don't care, I can't or I would do half the things I really want to do. I want to hold your hand. I want to wash your hair because you had a bit too much fun with our friends - a chuckle escapes you as you recall the image of everyone laughing and having a deserved night of fun and you can feel some of the tension leaving him, probably thinking of the same thing - and I want to be here."

"You do?"

"Yes. Here. In this stupid bathroom."

"But why?" He scoffs and you have to shake his sarcastic smile by holding his cheeks with more conviction.

"Because you're here Eddie"

He doesn't even really know what to say. He feels like even "I love you" is nothing compared to what you're trying to tell him. That you just want to be where he his, despite the smoke, the hobbies, despite the beer, stupid people. Despite everything, you want to be on the cold bathroom floor with his forehead pressed against yours and his hair dripping on you, with water this time.

So he doesn't say anything for once. He takes your hands in his and smiles, no sarcasm, no smugness.

Seeing him feeling better you kiss him on the cheek where your hand was and get up.

You reach your hands out to him to help him up and once he's up he pulls you in a tight hug and showers you in the warmest and softest kisses. Eddie’s best version of a “thank you”

[merowkittie]

My mind is literally.. everywhere rn. Here’s what I was listening to while writing this >

My baby — Carl Grimes

Warnings: Major Character death / parents death / talk about corpses / Lori. / Spoilers for season 7 or 8 I forgot / Kind of Proof read

Summary: You reminisce about the boy you once loved.

He smelled of wood and the pages of a new book, your baby. He was the prettiest boy you’ve ever met in your life. The last boy you’d ever even think of loving. He had you wrapped around his finger tips, ready to use and be for his disposal.

Carl was your light. Overused yea but he got you through the darkness of the undead. He was the reason you were still were alive and not a mindless creature in the shell of who you once were. You wouldn’t be here without him. You wouldn’t be, it’s true.

He found you in a ditch laying with parents corpses. Just laying there buried in your daddy’s arms and your mothers head supported by your shoulder. You were softly crying, praying to a god you knew would not answer.

He was walking with his own mother and father, until he looked into the ditch and saw you. You two made eye contact and he pulled his mother to show her the once small girl in the ditch with her dead parents.

“Oh my god, Rick!” The lady called out to who she could only believe was the father.. Rick.

“What’s wrong Lori? Talk to me.” Lori.. that was her name.

She pointed to your still body in the ditch, keeping your breath steady. Maybe if they thought you were dead they’d leave you alone.

Nope.

Carl wanted you out of there. “Mom, what if she’s still alive?! She doesn’t look like one of those things! Look at her dad!” He tugged harder onto his fathers sleeve.

Your once soft silent cries only got louder as you finally given up on trying to stay quiet. Your emotions were everywhere. You did not know what to do. Who are these people? Why is this boy so persistent on saving you?

The ditch wasn’t too deep. Rick jumped into it finally giving In to the Pleas of his son. He slowly walked over to you, reaching out a hand. You were hesitant, with every right to be.

This man whom you did not know could easily be here to hurt you or do even worse.

“Hey.. it’s alright honey.. we ain’ here to hurt you. I wanna help you. You just gotta take my hand now, yea?” He spoke in such a gentle tone. Far different than the other men you met whilst this war of humans against undead started.

Your eyes stayed on his eyes as you placed your much smaller hands on his and he slowly pulled you up from underneath your mothers corpse. He checked you over for bite marks before boosting you up out of the ditch and jumping out himself.

The boy who’s name you did not know yet just stared at you with wonder. With curiosity. Who knew you’d eventually also be the last thing he looked at like that huh?

Years pass and you two were still as close as ever.

“My baby..” is what you whispered to each other every night as the sky grew darker and the nights got cold.

Huddled in each others arms and kissing skin that was visible for your lips and your lips only. The difference between your chapped and his soft sent shivers down your spine sometimes. His hands and his eyes.

His eyes.

They were so.. cold when you looked into them. Life less. Your baby.. buried now along side your other family.

His eyes used to shine so bright and had such a pretty blue. The way they looked at you with every emotion known to man. You knew just by making eye contact with him what he’d be feeling in that very moment.

He was your everything. Your fucking everything. You wanted nothing more than to be with him. To proclaim your love to him once again. To look into his eyes filled with so much love and life. To hold him. To hear him call you his. To call you baby.

“NO! NO! HE- HES ALIVE RICK! PLEASE!” Your voice felt like it’d give out at any moment. You were distraught.

Daryl was holding you back from trying to attack Rick. You didn’t mean to hit him, you don’t mean to scream at him. It’s just.. what’s a world without Carl Grimes? I mean what’s the point of waking up the next day without his warmth or the sheriff hat that hides his beautiful cerulean irises from you.

“He’s- He’s gone Y/n.. He’s gone.” Rick cried softly. His own eyes filled with the same sorrow as yours.

“Oh.. no no no no!” A hoarse scream left your throat as Daryl pulled you closer to his chest trying to console you.

He wasn’t any good at it but it felt nice. Your sobs only got louder as the sheriff hat was handed to you by Rick and a little Judith. You took it and pulled it to your chest. Holding it as tight has possible.

Carl didn’t get a proper funeral, there were no last words exchanged between you two besides an I love you but his letter sufficed.

Y/n

I’m sorry I’m breaking my promise to you. I know we said we’d love and live with each other forever even though we both knew how foolish that was. There’s no marriage in the apocalypse. No proper future. Baby, the only future I want is where your safe. Where Judith is safe. Where everyone is safe. We’ve already lost so much and here I am writing this letter to you with a nasty bite on my side. I want this war over. Now. I want my dad and Negan to stop fighting. It’ll only hurt them both more. Maybe my death would stop that. Im not sure. I should’ve told you, but I knew how you’d react. I didn’t want you panicking, didn’t want you crying. I bet you are now though yea? You were always a cry baby.. but you were my cry baby. I’m gonna give you all the affection I can while I’m still here. We can cuddle and talk about crappy movies you remember when you were younger. Kiss and make a mess in the kitchen since Dad and Michonne ain’t here. I just want to see you smile. I love you so much, and I only hope you still feel the same too. All I can think about is you right now. Stay strong for me ok? You stay here for me. You’ll love me forever like we promised right? I know you will. Take care of Judith and my dad for me.

- Love Carl

Carl.. Carl Carl Carl. The only thing going on In your mind right now was him. You held the Polaroid of you two together close and never let go. You wished that you could’ve said it back. That you left hilltop and went back to Carl before all of this shit went down. You were there to help care for Maggie and her baby with Enid but fuck!

Carl was gone and you couldn’t prevent that.

You lost the only thing that mattered to you. Everything was gone now. Everything.

[beatlebug987]

My CD Collection! (As Of 4/22/24)

I wanted to share my current CD collection since collecting them is something I enjoy and I thought it'd be fitting to post it here! I currently have seven CDs in my collection and I'll be listing them in the order I got them in with pictures and stuff!

The first in my collection was PORTALS by Melanie Martinez. (BTW, I know the controversy, so I'm not listening to her as much anymore, but she was my favorite artist for a long time and I loved this album when it came out.)

It has a disc (ofc) and a little booklet. No lyrics, just pictures of them in their pink alien form. I got it off Amazon when the album first came out.

My favorite tracks are NYMPHOLOGY, VOID, EVIL, and BATTLE OF THE LARYNX.

The second one I got was GUTS by Olivia Rodrigo.

It came with a lyric booklet with pictures, the disc and another booklet with the lyrics in other languages. This one was from Amazon as well but it came from Japan.

My favorite tracks are vampire, all American bitch, making the bed, teenage dream and lacy. (I honestly like all the songs on this album, but those are my favorites.)

Next is Bewitched by Laufey.

It came with the disc and a booklet with lyrics and pictures. This one was from Amazon as well.

My favorite tracks are From The Start, Lovesick, While You Were Sleeping, Letter To My 13 Year Old Self, and Promise.

Here's my first Mitski CD; Puberty 2.

This one only came with the disc, but it opens up and has the lyrics on the inside of the case. This is also from Amazon.

My favorite tracks are Happy, Dan the Dancer, Your Best American Girl, and I Bet On Losing Dogs. (I love pretty much all of them though.)

Recently I went to Barnes and Noble and got two new ones. The first one I got was Found Heaven by Conan Gray.

It came with a lyric booklet with photos and the disc.

My favorite tracks are Found Heaven, Alley Rose, Never Ending Song, Boys & Girls, Lonely Dancers, and Winner. (It's SUCH a good album and I like all the songs, these are just my favorites at the moment.)

The second one from B&N is Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers.

It came with the disc and a lyric booklet with really cool illustrations inside. The one in the picture is for Kyoto.

My favorite tracks are Garden Song, Kyoto, I Know The End, ICU, Savior Complex and Moon Song. (I love all of them LOL.)

The latest one I got (and my current favorite as well as the most special one in my collection) was The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappell Roan.

OKAY THIS ONE IS SO SO SO SPECIAL TO ME BECAUSE IT CAME WITH A SIGNED PHOTO CARD!!! YIPPEEE!!! It also came with the disc and a lyric map type thing with a dedication letter inside as well. This one came from Ebay since the signed ones were sold out on her store.

My favorite tracks are Casual, Red Wine Supernova, HOT TO GO!, Pink Pony Club, My Kink Is Karma, Femininomenon, and Picture You. (I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ALL THE SONGS ON THIS ALBUM but these are just some of my main picks.)

And that is my collection currently!! Thanks for reading this far lol, this post was fun to put together! I'll probably post updates when my collection expands! :D

[tdoong15]

a toddler dubchaeng request incoming for the heart, dubs and chaeng go to the park with there mommies (2yeong) but end up getting distracted and go bug catching with a tiny plastic bag chae had weridly in her back pocket and when they end up showing it to there mommys all proud and stuff nayeon starts screaming and hiding while jeong tells them they need to release them back to there homes because its not nice to kidnap bugs from there familys/homes

This is so wholesome I love it so much!!! Also sorry for the late response I've been busy with college and work

Little!DubChaeng. Cg!2yeon

Warnings: none

Collecting bugs

Dahyun and Chaeyoung were both at the door, jumping up and down excitedly as well as rattling the door handle to indicate that they wanted to leave. “Mama, Mommy! Come on, we wanna go to the park!” Chaeyoung complains because of the fact that Jeongyeon and Nayeon were taking a long time to get ready. “We'll be there soon, Mama is just being fussy over what jacket she wants to wear.” Jeongyeon replies which earned her a scowl coming from Nayeon.

Dahyun was not pleased with the fact that her mama was taking way too long picking out a jacket, especially since it was eating into her park time, so she took it upon herself to march over to where her mommy and mama stood and she had a very serious look on her face. “Mama, yous being wayyyy too picky and dats not nice for me and Chae.” Dahyun put extra emphasis on the word ‘way’ to show how diabolical she thought Nayeon was being.

Jeongyeon stifles a snicker and she nudges Nayeon. “Well that's your warning.” She whispers to the older girl. Nayeon stood there in complete shock that she got told off by Dahyun, but she listened to her by grabbing a random jacket even if it was one that she didn't feel like matched her outfit.

When the three of them made it to the door, Chaeyoung was impatiently looking at them whilst tapping her foot on the ground. “FINALLY! I was gonna leave without you guys.” Chaeyoung sighs heavily and she shakes her head in disappointment. Both Nayeon and Jeongyeon tried to apologize but they found it hard to take it seriously, thankfully they were able to control their laughter and they gave a short yet sincere apology to the two regressed girls.

Once the door was unlocked by Jeongyeon, Dahyun and Chaeyoung ran outside and straight to the park because they really wanted to have fun at the park. Nayeon and Jeongyeon quickly followed since they wanted nothing bad to happen to the girls since they're both very protective over them.

When they reached the park, Dahyun was already busy with the slide by going up and down on it via the slide itself instead of using the steps to go up, Chaeyoung was busy with making sandcastles with a random bucket and spade she found in the sand pit. Dahyun eventually got bored with the slide and Chaeyoung did with making sandcastles, so Dahyun organized a meeting with Chaeyoung, underneath the slide.

“Do you wanna go on the swings, Chae?” Dahyun questions which makes Chaeyoung think for a second and as soon as she was going to say yes, she spot something next to them. “Dubs, look! It's an ant.” Chaeyoung points at the bug on the floor. Dahyun gasps loudly and she grins. “Dat means there is more bugs around here!” Dahyun concluded. So with that in mind the original swing idea went out of the window and it was now replaced with a hunt for the small creatures.

There was one specific spot that the duo had found which was basically a hotel for bugs of all shapes and sizes. Chaeyoung then whipped out two plastic bags from her coat pocket and she hands one over to Dahyun, who looked surprised yet thankful. “Who just carries plastic baggies in their coat?” Dahyun questions while she picks up a beatle and places it in her bag. “Me, duh.” Chaeyoung counteracts, thankfully it didn't escalate since they were too focused on collecting the bugs.

“What do you have, Dubs?” Chaeyoung asks since both of their bags were around halfway full. Dahyun clears her throat before listing them off. “I've got like a lot of spiders, a dis one which I dunno what it's called but I will say dat it is a weird bug, and… and I have a beatle!” Dahyun smiles widely at her collection before continuing “What do you have, Chae?” Dahyun waits eagerly to see what Chaeyoung caught. “Well, ahem, I got a stick-bug, beatles, some ants and spiders.” Chaeyoung lists them off proudly.

After 10 minutes, Nayeon went over to check up on the regressed girls. “Oooo, what are you two doing over here?” Nayeon's voice was full of warmth and happiness while she moved closer. “We've got bugs, mama!” Dahyun and Chaeyoung yelled loudly out of pure joy, they even showed Nayeon the bags of bugs that they had.

Nayeon's face quickly changed from a smile to one of fear, she quickly ran as far away from the bugs as possible whilst screaming loudly in the process. Meanwhile, Dahyun and Chaeyoung found it hilarious, in fact they decided to chase their mama around the park until she slipped and ended up behind Jeongyeon, who was now confused on why Nayeon was running away from DubChaeng.

“Woah! What's going on here?” Jeongyeon controls the situation so everyone is somewhat calm, mainly Nayeon though since Dahyun and Chaeyoung looked at their mommy with the most innocent look on their faces. “Nothing, mommy. Me and dubs just showed mama our bugs.” Chaeyoung says casually, she and Dahyun then both showed their bug bags to Jeongyeon.

Nayeon glared at Jeongyeon as if to say ‘Do something about it because I'm not having bugs in our house.’ Jeongyeon nodded and she looked back at DubChaeng. “Okay, I know that the bugs look really cool, but these guys have their homes to get to and they don't want to be away from their family.” Jeongyeon says softly so she wouldn't get a negative response from the littles.

Dahyun and Chaeyoung thought for a second before they gasped loudly at what they had done. “We're gonna take dem back to their families now, mommy!” Dahyun and Chaeyoung then ran to where the spot was and they dumped out the contents of the bags and placed the bugs with their respective families. They then scurried back to 2yeon where the four of them walked home peacefully without any bugs to scare Nayeon.

Hello, I hope everyone has a good day/evening/night. And I hope that you guys enjoyed reading.

[ataraxiaspainting]

F A Q.

masterlist: it's in the works but not at the moment!

posting days: i'm trying to work on a more stable posting schedule for stories but i will most likely be answering inbox messages on tuesdays, fridays, saturdays, and sundays! mostly saturdays though.

tagging: feel free to tag me in anything! as long as the post in question does not do harm to me or others, of course.

writing history: ever since i was little, i've pretty much always had a love for making up stories and saving them on my laptop. i got into x reader works when i was in middle school i think... still am just as much into them now as i was back then.

art history: i've always loved to draw/sculpt too! i may not be the best at making art myself, but i have always loved looking at other people's works, especially paintings. my current pfp is actually a painting of ophelia from shakespeare's hamlet, done by alexandre cabanel.

music taste: i really only listen to classical and k-pop/j-pop, along with game osts. though my queen mitski breaks her way into my on repeat playlist multiple times a day. my favorite songs from her are buffalo replaced, i bet on losing dogs, i will, francis forever, my love mine all mine, i want you, stay soft, class of 2013, townie and last words of a shooting star. non-mitski songs are often either by red velvet, twice, king gnu, or kenshi yonezu.

book recommendations: i read a lot on days i'm not so busy, mostly reading thriller/horror stories. my main recommendations are notes from the underground by fyodor dostoevsky, i have no mouth, and i must scream by harlan elison, the cask of amontillado by edgar allan poe, the stranger by albert camus, the metamorphosis by franz kafka, uzumaki by junji ito, the talented mr. ripley by patricia highsmith, the collector by john fowles, misery by stephen king, coraline by neil gaiman.

favorite tropes: lovers to enemies, enemies to lovers, the reluctant hero, paying the price for victory, the mysterious neighbor next door, a deal with the devil, the unhappy ending, cults and religious extremists, mysterious things are happening, seducing an archenemy for an opportunity.

other fun facts:

-> i'm a criminology major.

-> i played a lot of instruments and sang a lot when i was younger. i'm trying to get back into it now. my favorite instrument to play was the electric violin and my favorite type of music to sing was choir-like osts like mourning from nier automata, lacrimosa from the one and only mozart, and song of the ancients from nier replicant.

-> i'm a huge animal lover. i often watch streams of horror movies, listen to video essays, or write while snuggling up with one of my dogs. i also often volunteer in community service, with most of it being either being at a shelter/adoption event or some sort of event involving a fundraiser in schools. i once happened to do an adoption event that happened to be fundraising more resources for schoolchildren, and it was one of the best moments of my life. got to pet a lot of animals too, and that made the time like ten times better.

CURRENT ANONS -> childe anon

this post will be edited/added to as life goes on.

[entiretorridaffair]

okay and now for the fun bit!!! (song + book recs)

song rec: thick skull by paramore

literally one of my favorite songs of alllll time its so everything <333 i love paramore so i had to give you one of their songs, but what i reallyyy like about this song is the layering AND hayley william's vocals are stunning <3 the lyrics are also rly gripping and poetic too imo <3

(also, for a less in depth recommendation, i bet on losing dogs by mitski. not even one of my favorite mitski songs but ive been looping it all afternoon so <33)

book rec: gideon the ninth by tamsyn muir!

YOUVE PROBABLY SEEN ME GOING INSANE ABOUT THE LOCKED TOMB (series, gtn is the first book) ON THE DASH BUT. I CANT NOTTTT REC IT <3 i love the locked tomb so so so much it is a series that is about love and grief and identity and also lesbians in space with necromancy and swords and also really bad jokes that WILL make you laugh and also imperialism. its really good overall NO ONEEE is safe. for a more serious synopysis, we follow gideon in a post apocalyptic sci-fi world 10,000 years in the future, who is trying to gain her freedom from the ninth house, the planet that brought her up and that she is indentured to. unfortunately, harrow, the heir of the ninth house, foils her latest escape attempt, only to counter it with a new offer: to accompany her offworld (!!!!!) as she attempts to become one of god's new saints. its sooooooo insane the characters are EVERYTHINGGGG to me adn also very fleshed out and nuanced and none of them are "good people" but i love them all so much. the writing is GORGEOUS im literally in love with tamsyn muir's metaphors andddd the plot is FUN it takes a while to get into the swing of things but it is so good. warning however tamsyn muir is so dedicated to not knowing shit nor fuck (ESPECIALLY as you get into harrow the ninth and to a lesser extent nona the ninth) but it is still very enjoyable and you will get it eventually. warning if you dont like gore then i would unfortunately recommend steering away as a lot of the book is Bones. and Gore. its veryyyyy good though aaaand i rambled more than i expected to DFGHKSLFJA . but in conclusion <333

GOOD LUCK WITH PHYSICS!!!

listening to thick skull right now!!!! growing up i was never a paramore girl just because my friends never listened to them but this song is making me think i really missed out!! do you have any other paramore recs??

and omg! i’ve heard of gideon the ninth in passing but i’ve never had anyone set up the book in such a compelling way! just placed it on hold at my library, i was buzzing just reading your description im so excited to get it!!!!

AND THANK YOU!!!! and i’m going to take a shower, wipe the tears away, and start my homework again!!

[artefactvm]

〔 débora nascimento, thirty-two, cis woman, she/her/hers ) claudia pinheiro de carvalho was seen listening to i bet on losing dogs by mitski. claudia is a hairdresser and known to be decisive & impatient. ( eli, twenty-two, mst, he/him/his )

statistics

full name: claudia pinheiro de carvalho (first name, mother’s last name, father’s last name)

nicknames: dia

age: thirty-two

zodiac: aquarius sun, sagittarius moon, leo rising

gender: cis woman

pronouns: she/her/hers

orientation: bi

religion: roman catholic

past

one of the last children in her family, even extended family

so you can tell what she’s like just from that

she was the kind of kid that wanted to do everything when she grew up - a firefighter, a handyman, a doctor, a beautician, a fashion designer…. you get the point

eventually, she became a hairdresser and has been hopping around salons. she has not gone out on her own. a part of her wants to create her own business from it, but also no! too much work.

present

always up to offer advice & listen to drama while you’re in the chair getting your hair done.

outside of the salon, there really isn’t much to her. she tends to be alone - and even lives alone! it’s probably because her job is so social.

making no plans on stepping out & creating her own salon. like said before… too much work. no thanks.

[alovesongforu]

Playlist

If you wanna listen to some music while reading this fic, here’s a playlist I’ve made based on the protagonist I created with so much love. Just search for her name on Spotify ;)

Beatrice D’Agostino

1. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

2. LABOUR - the cacophony - Paris Paloma

3.  I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

4. BLAME ON THE KIDS - AViVA

5. this is me trying - Taylor Swift

6. Cry Baby - Melanie Martinez

7. Centuries - Fall out Boy

8. Run Boy Run - Woodkid

9. Warriors - Imagine Dragons

10. Legends Never Die - League of Legends

11. Family Line - Conan Gray

12. Matilda - Harry Syles

13. Francis Forever - Mitski

14. Bet on Losing Dogs - Mitski

15.  jealousy, jealousy - Olivia Rodrigo

16. Control - Halsey

17. You're on your own, kid - Taylor Swift

18. Ovelha Negra - Rita Lee

19. Nobody's Soldier - Hozier

Before it all starts, I wanna say that I'm sorry for any grammatical mistake I make. English isn't my first language, but I'm hoping that it will get better as I continue writing. Also, in this AU, demigods can use cell phones and don't attract monsters using them. I know there is an explanation for this, but I believe that, nowadays, it is not possible to do anything without a cell phone. Even my school needs them to hand in assignments, that's why I made this change. Thank you so much for choosing to read ‘Disease Bringer - Cursed Village’ and have a good reading time. :)

[lady-of-the-spirit]

ummmm hm for the song thing,, i bet on losing dogs by mitski and alien blues by vundabar sorry these are just what im listening to lately

I Bet on Losing Dogs is so Ryoko, my girl will still love people she knows are bad for her no matter what they do to prove they don't deserve it. if you earn her heart you have it forever, no matter what, to her own detriment. she will also always get attached to people she knows she'll lose or have no chance getting out of this alive. she says she doesn't and she tries so hard not to but literally every version of her character I've developed over the years has this same weak spot.

Alien Blues is a Rose AND a Ten song. Both in the sense that they can both relate to the song's lyrics in the "I don't fit in, I'm frustrated with the world" sense, and in the sense that I could see them both sitting angrily in their rooms with headphones on and blasting this song on loop for a while.

Send me a song and I'll tell you what OC it makes me think of and why.

[x-avantgarde-x]

In your arms I’m found - Levi Ackerman.

Summary: Levi comforts when you are not feeling your best.

Warnings: slight mentions of mental health issues, but nothing to serious. Slight angst to fluff.

Songs to listen to: I Bet on Losing Dogs by Mitski.

This piece was mainly written as a form of self comfort and to help myself, but I’ve decided to post it in case anyone was needing something like this too.

(I want you to know that no matter what you are going through my DM’s are always open for us to talk and I’ll try to help you as much as I can♥️).

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The clock ticks echo in the room, a deafening silence has taken over the small bedroom as if the only person inside it was trying for it to swallow her as if by it the voices in her head that only seemed to grow louder would finally cease their chant.

It is past dusk, and a certain raven haired man feels his heart threatening with escaping from his chest by how fast it is beating as he aims to enter the room. Levi’s hand rises to the doorknob, a knot in his stomach because he fears what he may he find once he opens that door; ‘Ironic’ he thinks, ironic how, being humanity’s strongest soldiers, he doesn’t flinch back at the sight of a human devouring beast but he cowers up when it comes to confronting his significant other mental state.

To be fair with himself, neither is he used to it; he has had to face titans enough times to get used to it, he has memorized the movements, the strategies, in the battle field he sometimes resorts to his most primal instincts to face the situation, but when it comes to you he can’t act the same. It’s usually him the one that finds himself needing to be comforted, and you are always so gentle, so sweet and thoughtful, that he knows that he has to somehow let both his rational mind emotional side to guide him if he wants to help you.

And once he resolves into this, he opens the door without another second thought.

Levi looks around the room and easily spots you curled up in a ball lying on your shared bed, the covers up to your head. He lets out a gentle sigh as he moves towards the window to open them, he doubts you’ve been taking much fresh air lately. “Leave them like that. I like them closed”.

Your soft and tired voice stops him before he got to open put his hands on the window, he sakes his head, heart clenching at how drained and live-less your voice sounds. “You need the fresh air, though...” he tries to argue with you, but you don’t answer him back, not even moving slightly from your positions.

Once again he sighs, now in defeat as he gives up on the issue of the air for the time being, and makes his way to your spot on the bed.

Levi sits next to you, silver eyes looking at you with the most honest look of utter pain and worry, as he places on of his hands over the curve of your hip and traces small circles with his thumb. Levi’s not used to this, he believed that after the years together and having being taken care of by you for even longer he would have learnt how to mimic you but instead he felt like he was walking on very thin as, as I a wrong movement or wrong word was all it would take for you to disappear in front of his eyes.

Swallowing the gulp on his throat the man grew all the strength he could before saying “You know... You know I’m not good at this” he tried not to stutter with his words while speaking “But I want you to know that I will do whatever you need me to to make it better”. Levi felt you move against his palm, and retracted it with care, hoping he hadn’t worsened the situation.

You rose from behind the covers, eyes puffed and lips chapped from crying, dark eye bags decorated your face as a sing of your lack of sleep, pale skin making it all contrast much more. Levi wanted nothing but to take the pain way, to lift whatever burden that was making you feel so miserable from your shoulders and be him the one bearing it if it meant to have the usual cheerful and radiant you back. Placing his right hand over your cheek he saw you nozzle yourself against his palm, as if trying to take all the comfort you could from him from this simple touch.

You lifted your eyes to look at your boyfriend’s for the first time in there, and what you saw in them broke your heart into a million pieces. Sadness, worry, fear, and a thousand other emotions where visible in your lover’s eyes. You cleared your throat, in order to be able to speak, “For now just... hold me. Please”.

He complied at once, gently nodding his head as a sing of having listened to your petition.

And hold you he did. Cuddled up with you, arms encircling your waist as his head rested over the crown of your head, as you laid on his chest as you gently played with the hem of the cravat around his neck, was how you spent the rest of the night, until you both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

[foxstride]

Okay okay but songs that give me hawkivy vibes but it’s hard to find songs specific to my headcanons but uuhhh:

You Couldn’t Teach Me Integrity - crywank (hawk pov?)

Monsters - All Time Low ft. blackbear

I Bet on Losing Dogs - Mitski (Ivy pov)

She Don’t Want To Live - I Hate Myself Because (hawk pov)

Texas Reznikoff - Mitski (ivy pov)

After Dark - Mr. Kitty (hawk pov)

Looking Out for You - Joy Again (hawk pov)

Song for a Guilty Sadist - Crywank (not exactly accurate to the lyrics, but, hawk pov on ivy and the whole dark forest training thing)

Bad Idea! - Girl in Red (ivy pov)

OK SO I FINALLY GOT TO LISTEN TO THESE. Some thoughts while I was listening to them...

You Couldn't Teach Me Integrity - Crywank Hawk in the early days of training Ivy, recognising the pattern he has with obsessing over people, trying to make a change, knowing the impossibilities of this love, questioning if it even IS love

Monsters - All Time Low ft. blackbear & Demi Lovato Hawk knowing that he's putting not only himself at risk but mostly Ivy at risk, and Ivy (thinking she knows) knowing what she's getting into but still going back each night

I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski Ivy staying with the Dark Forest and knowing they're going to lose but not wanting to lose a single second she can spend with Hawkfrost. Potential evil!Ivy AU where she gets further down but still knows she's doing Bad. But also AU where Ivy dies in the final battle and Hawkfrost takes her spirit back to the Dark Forest to get lost together

She Don't Want To Live - I Hate Myself Because Hawkfrost trying to convince Ivy to leave the Dark Forest because he wants her to live but she won't leave. Possibly connected into the above. Like. He's begging her to live for them. Bonus if it's a ghost!kits AU too ;)

Texas Reznikoff - Mitski Hawk telling Ivy about the Old Forest <3 Ivy wanting to go back there together, but Hawk doesn't know if he can even leave the Dark Forest long enough to go there, so they dream of this life where they could travel back and return to the forest to be together, just the two of them

After Dark - Mr. Kitty I get both vibes for this, like. Ivy going to the Dark Forest one last time to have one last night with Hawk, trying to draw out the moment as long as she can to be with him. Hawk thinking about her during the day and how he can possibly ask her to be with him, swirling in his head

Looking Out For You - Joy Again Canon-Compliant HawkIvy?? Hawk seeing Ivy pull away from the Dark Forest, maybe seeing her acting as spy and reporting back to the others, but he doesn't do anything about it. And he can't tell her about his feelings. He just can't. He wants to so bad, and they just keep filling time with training, or talking about other things, but mostly anything but talking about themselves

Song for a Guilty Sadist - Crywank I rly like this for Hawk's POV, they're fighting and she wants to keep going and he feels guilty but he holds back his feelings to give her what she wants. They're struggling. Hawk wants to show her love but he doesn't know how to. Ivy wants to keep getting stronger, and that he can give her. They could be soft. But they can't. Not here

bad idea! - girl in red god. yeah. Ivy's regrets, Ivy knowing she should stop, knowing she needs to pull away, knowing this is bad and it's a bad idea but she just keeps going back for more.

thank you for the song recs <3 i have. SO. SO. SO many HawkIvy feels right now