#literally cannot point at the screen hard enough and say THIS IS WHAT THEY ARE TELLING US WITH WORDS

[pinkeoni]

Continuation of a continuation but it’s crazy how much Will has powers implications are made in an episode that Will isn’t even in.

Nancy says not one but two implicating lines regarding Will—

—and in the very same episode they introduce a device that can supress powers.

They tell us that Will has powers and then answer the question as to why we haven’t seen them in one go.

[bindeds]

⊹・° ｡ㅤ BOYFRIEND VOX / LUCIFER / ALASTOR X FEM READER HEADCANONS ! — now i know alastor is aroace so i am once again making a post that acknowledges that as much as possible, meaning his headcanons can also be seen as platonic and his nsfw section doesn’t involve him engaging in the act of sex. i also made an aroace friendly headcanons post on alastor if you wanna check that out!

contains nsfw (+18) and it will be in a separate section <3 please credit me if you use these gifs!

mlist. request status.

VOX.

this man pampers the SHIT out of you and you cannot tell me otherwise. if you’re out walking in the streets of hell and you so much as look at a branded purse for a second longer than usual, it’s in your hands within the next five seconds. same goes for literally anything—clothes, shoes, sunglasses, books, anything you could want that isn’t a gadget, because he already gives you his latest models—only the finest for his girl.

he teleports to your phone screen whenever you ignore him, and you don’t tell him that you find it particularly endearing. the way he’s just so whiny for your attention that he’d act all petty and crash all your apps so you’re forced to look him in the face.

has the most funniest fucking pet names for you i just KNOW IT HAHA like think shrek’s prince charming. i just know that when you call him from a different room he’d definitely say shit like “just a second honey kisses!” like HAHAH I CAN’T GET THIS OUT OF MY HEAD

DEFINITELY loves having you sit on his lap while he works. i just know this man is a thigh grabber.

he loves when you dress in sweater vests, preferably in brighter colors but it’s cute when you use more muted colors as well.

relating back to my first point, this man loves taking you to extravagant AND I MEAN extravagant dates. i imagine one of them would be getting the both of you a literal floating table in the red skies of hell so you can see the entire pentagram from where you dine. he would have the food freshly delivered from the finest chefs he knows but he also seems like the type who would forget your favorite food, then demand that the food switched out with a snap of his fingers.

i’m judging this purely off of ‘stayed gone’ but he has a TON of terrible jokes up his sleeves, and they border on dad jokes at this point. you simply roll your eyes and kiss him for being so silly.

i just know this man comes home to you and WHINES. like, no matter what it is, he’ll always have something to complain about from work and you’re happy to listen to him bitch and moan about the smallest things ever. he also lays down on your lap and you to rub his shoulders and console him, whatever it is. you know he appreciates it because he usually always responds with something along the lines of “you’re right, baby, i do push myself too hard!” and you coo at him while continuing to console him further.

VOX NSFW !

i know he definitely gets irritated when someone interrupts his work but would be so into having sex on the job, and even loves ignoring calls from the vees for you. but of course doing it one too many times has its consequences, and he laughs nervously the one time he backs out. i can just imagine him going, “oh, haha, uh—sorry baby, i uh—listen i know we usually—it’s—FUCK um—just—just five minutes okay baby?”

i know this man’s hickeys feel like tiny zaps on your skin, and the marks reflect that instead of bruises

regarding the ‘sitting on his lap’ thing … you tried riding his thigh once and he DID NOT like that. seconds after you were sitting on his cock, crying his name from how he was just pumping into you mercilessly.

“still wanna tease me on my own fucking thigh, sweetie?” he clicks his tongue and grunts right after, his hands on your waist was enough to leave bruises.

that being said, he makes sure valentino never catches sight of you. the things you do to this man is beyond anything he could have thought and somehow, he feels uneasy at the fact that the way you have sex with him was DEFINITELY porn worthy and the thought of you being on camera in that way makes him want to wrap all of himself around you like a blanket to cover you from all of hell.

LUCIFER.

ironically, this man does NOT give you the world. instead, he gives you casual nights out turned into nights where you share all your secrets with him, and he tells you everything might not be okay now, or ever, but whatever it is, he’ll be right there with you. think going to your favorite diners, cruising and carpooling along the quieter side of hell, screaming at the top of your lungs. this man is all about authenticity. he wants the bond, not the experience.

that doesn’t mean he doesn’t spoil you every now and then—he definitely does research on the best bars in the ring and takes you out every month during your monthsaries and gets you at least 10 different gifts—half of which are little trinkets you and him picked up from your little adventures together.

unironically so fucking good at picking out jewelry for you. you don’t know how he does it, but every time you both visit a jewelry store, you always pick out necklaces and rings and he always comes to you with pieces that just look way more stunning on you. he always insists on being the one to slip the rings onto your fingers or chain the necklaces at the back of your neck, and he always flies up to do it.

he sometimes visits you as a bird and flies through your window. you like stroking his little cheek and it always causes him to transform suddenly which catches you off guard, and he uses this opportunity to kiss you.

he makes rubber duckies modeled after you!! all of them have different outfits from all the times you spend together.

forehead touches. so important for him, he does it so often and it’s nothing short of endearing.

this man COOKS and he COOKS WELL. every now and then when you both stay home he always whips up five-star restaurant grade steak for you, same goes for his carbonara, fish and chips, ramen, fried rice, stew—whatever it is, he loves making it with his own two hands and loves cooking for you.

lucifer makes his own clothes seeing as his hat has a gold snake and an apple on it which only really related to him, and he also has a unique circus vibe to his clothing. he made his clothes out of magic but after meeting you he wanted to get into sewing to make you something from scratch.

LUCIFER NSFW !

i absolutely agree with a lot of lucifer stans on him being a definite switch BUT i just know that if this man tops, he tops HARD. i mean, we’re talking about the angel who successfully seduced not just the FIRST WOMAN to ever exist, but the SECOND TOO. WHILE SHE WAS LOYAL TO ADAM. I FEEL LIKE THAT SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

he’d definitely do a multitude of things while trying out a few kinks to see just what kind of top flusters you. if you like service tops, he found out when he insisted on fingering you right after he’d brought you to orgasm with his tongue. dominant top? he found out when he crawled on top of you and said, “take it off for me, lovely.” all while leaving a trail of hickeys all from your jaw all the way down to your collarbone. the list goes on.

no matter if he tops or bottoms, this man begs, and its especially orgasm-worthy when he does it as a bottom. you’re riding him to your own climax and he’s close too and he goes, “ohhh god fuck please let me cum honey—let me cum please fuck! can i cum can i cum my love? i won’t until you say so oh fuck please baby—”

he knows when you’re pent up. apparently you give of a certain set of cues through body language only he sees and he’s observed it from you in all sorts of situations; going out with friends, sitting in bed with a book, tapping a pencil to your lip—it doesn’t matter what you’re doing. he can tell. and he never tells you how.

seeing as he usually has to fly up to kiss you on the lips, he takes every opportunity he has in bed just to kiss you. he could be going so damn rough on you that the neighbors can hear and he’d still be making out with you so damn hard.

definitely prides himself on cunnilingus. i know everyone mentions this because of the v he made to his lips but it just makes sense for him to do that if he’s good at it! he becomes a grunting, begging, whimpering mess when you suck him off but when he eats you out? you compare it to how restaurants have a signature dish—lucifer’s is whatever miracles he can perform with his tongue.

ALASTOR.

i think this is obvious because he literally hosts possibly the most famous radio broadcast in the entire ring, but this man has a way with words.

“to put it simply my dear, i just never thought the stars could walk on dirty streets, let alone ones that belong in hell,” he sighs with an almost dreamy tone to it as he rested chin on his knuckles, leaning closer to you from the other side of the table with his elbow propped up on it. “but it seems you’re living proof of that.”

you took that as his way of explaining his aromanticism and asexuality to you, even if he isn’t fully aware of those terms yet.

“how did a lovely thing like you end up with a gruesome animal such as myself?”

nonetheless, you and him are partners and he owns it, even if he’ll never admit that it is daunting for someone who has never felt this way about anyone else before. someone who has never liked anyone romantically before. he owns it because he doesn’t want the one person he’s ever loved to slip from his grasp. not when he was just so used to getting what he wants using his own bare hands.

seeing as he is aroace, he doesn’t kiss you directly on the lips but hugs you all the time and maybe kisses cheek-to-cheek.

he listens to your gossip and even arranges dates for you both to properly get together and just dish. he gossips back sometimes too, but not too much as he feels like that would be like treating you like the other friends he has. he’d rather spend this time he has with you focusing on, well, you, not other people’s foolish mistakes. but he sees how excited you are to tell him these things sometimes so, he listens still.

regularly slow dances with you, especially to old romantic songs the both of you like. it’s one of the rare times physical contact doesn’t feel foreign to him as he’s danced with many women, and he actually finds it endearing when you press your head on his chest. it shows that you feel safe around him, and that’s the best thing that could happen for him when you’re dating one of the most feared and powerful overlords in hell.

always does house chores with you even though he could use his powers to just speed up the process. something about cleaning up together just feels so intimate to him compared to physical touch.

ALASTOR NSFW !

he hates being touched, no question about that—but he also doesn’t like to see you pent up. he understands that everyone has their own desires, however filthy they might be—but your own are as good as sacred. you’re the one thing he treasures beyond all others and just as you can’t change the fact that he’s aroace, he can’t change the fact that you have needs.

so he comes up with something just for you; he asks if it would help if he talked you through it. praising or degrading you, whichever you prefer. telling you how much he misses having your hands on his, feeling you close to him. when he says this, he imagines you both dancing as you usually do, but of course, as you masturbate, you’re thinking of something else. this happens when he’s not in the room but he leaves his mic behind to act as a phone for the both of you.

“are you close, love? will you finish for me?” “y-yes …” “good girl.”

i imagine after a while of being with him, he would have seen you naked a few times on accident but he brushes it off well because there’s never anything sexual tied to it. so, when he is in the room while you get off, he’d use his powers to have a glowing green chain around your neck as he pulls your face closer to his.

“do you like it when i do this to you, hm? tell me just how much you relish being my good girl.”

[littencloud9]

prompts. um. let's see., feel free to not do all of them but i couldn't pick just one ship sdfghjkjk

"are you flirting with me?" + souheki

"pay attention to me" + kuniranzai

"kiss me" + chuuran

i Will do them all because i love them and they are forever rattling around my head <3

"...Are you flirting with me?" Dazai asks, and the question is so bizzare that Ranpo takes a moment to realise he's being serious. Ranpo sits up from where he was previously laying on Dazai's lap, tracing random shapes against his shirt, because yes they were flirting, what the fuck, giving Dazai a judgemental look. "...Wow. What gave it away?" "Oh, shut up!" he groans, shoving them lightly. "It's hard to tell with you!" "I literally told you I wanted to bite your—" Ranpo is cut off by Dazai slapping a hand over his mouth. They lick his palm in retaliation, but Dazai somehow braves through it and doesn't budge an inch. When Ranpo looks at him properly, they realise that he's blushing. It's such a surprising image, for Dazai almost never gets flustered. He grins under the hand over his lips, and Dazai gives them a warning look. Ranpo grabs his wrist, pulling his hand off their face. They bring Dazai's fingers to their mouth, tongue darting out to lick at his middle finger, and Dazai shrieks, snatching his hand away. 'You're so weird!" he cries. The blush on his cheeks only darken. Ranpo shrugs. "I think you're into it." "I think you should shut the fuck up!" They snort, crawling towards him while Dazai shuffles away until he cannot anymore, pressed up against the armrest of the couch. Ranpo won't say it out loud, but Dazai looks adorable underneath him, eyes blown wide and cheeks a ruddy red. Leaning down, Ranpo kisses him, enjoying the way he succumbs easily.

the ada girlboyfriends!! real and true

"Pay attention to me!" Ranpo whines. He's already invited himself on Kunikida's desk and has been pestering both him and Dazai for the past ten minutes, poking them with either their finger or their cane. Dazai is taking a nap on his desk, grumbling whenever Ranpo nudges him. "I scheduled you a kiss in forty seven minutes," Kunikida replies, not tearing his eyes away from the screen. What the hell does this client want? "You can wait." Ranpo groans, pouting like a petulant child. They give up, hopping off Kunikida's desk. The moment of relief is short, for Dazai's head shoots up a few seconds later. "Don't," Dazai calls, pointing an accusatory finger behind Kunikida's back. When Kunikida turns around, he's baffled to see Ranpo's hand inches away from Yosano's locker. "Yosano-sensei will kill you if you touch her wine collection," Dazai continues. Kunikida sighs, standing up. Ranpo remains unmoving until he reaches them, grabbing them by their hand and dragging them back to his desk. He supposes he could rearrange his schedule a little bit. He cups Ranpo's cheeks, giving him a brief, fleeting kiss. Then he turns back to his work while Ranpo whines about how it's not enough. "Go kiss Dazai. But do not makeout. This is the office." "No promises!" Ranpo says, throwing himself on Dazai's desk. They do, in fact, start making out, and Kunikida forces them to leave the office so he can focus on his work. They each place a kiss on his cheek on their way out, giggling to themselves, and Kunikida simply sighs.

you 🤝 ela: sending chuuran kiss prompts hjfdhfd. real and true!!

"Kiss me," Chuuya demands. Ranpo raises an eyebrow at their firm voice. "Say please." "Fuck you!" "Fuck me yourself," Ranpo says without missing a beat. Chuuya promptly explodes. Ranpo finds himself pushed up against the wall of the bedroom, blazing brown eyes burning into him. Still, he can't find it in himself to be intimidated. In fact— "I'm flattered. I didn't know you wanted me so bad," Ranpo says with a grin. Chuuya digs their fingers in Ranpo's shoulder blades. "Don't give me that bullshit right now. You know what you're doing." Funnily enough, Ranpo isn't doing anything. Sure, he placed them in this book, and maybe he tormented Chuuya on purpose, and perhaps he loosened the tie he's wearing with intent, but it's not his fault he's so kissable! That's purely Chuuya's problem. "Come on. Has no one ever taught you manners?" Ranpo taunts. "I don't have all day, really. There's a hoard of murderers out there who want to kill us." "Not if I get to you first," Chuuya hisses. They jump at the sound of a gunshot piercing through the air, followed by a theatrical scream and a loud thump of a body. "...Fine. Please." Ranpo will admit, that sent his ego soaring. "If you insist, darling."

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Non BL Fan watches Only Friends

Hey. Yeah so I'm still on this. So when Only Friends ended, it left kinda of a bitter taste in my mouth. I liked a lot of things about it but by the end it really didn’t leave a good impression. There’s been a lot written about it, about expectations, and branded pairs, and how fandom may have played a role in this, and how the writing maybe because of that kinda took a turn midway through the show. And it kept bugging me that these opinions were also rooted in our understanding of this type of media, and everything that comes with it. Be it branded pairs, all the bls that came before or the industry as a whole. But I couldn't really have any perspective because I'm part of the problem. I'm too close. So, the only way for me to kinda get over this was to get someone far removed from this to watch it. And here is where my friend Neely comes in. They're not a bl watcher. The only bl they ever watched was Choco Milk Shake which I think we can all agree would not influence their viewing of Only Friends. They are however the only person who I talk to about bl, or the only person who has the patience to listen to me, whenever I’m feeling particularly annoyed about something or just wanna share a good moment. I immediately sent them the olive oil scene (with only a tiny bit of context) because it was so beautiful that I needed to scream with someone about it. So anyway, I asked them to watch the show. They knew a couple of things about it, because I complained to them about it at the time, but they has no reference for it so, I don’t think that I influenced the viewing that much. Also they're pretty unbiased about everything.

So last night they watched the first 4 episodes and I’d like to share their thoughts with everyone who like me might be curious. Because they're the best person ever, he wrote a whole text about it so I could share. Also we're almost at the end of the year and this might be the thing that finally closes this chapter for me. This is what they had to say after watching the first 4 episodes.

(I'll be adding my own thoughts in purple)

After 4 episodes, mostly I think it's really predictable plot wise for anyone who's watched a general TV western series, like a Netflix production, which I was maybe surprised. The ways to cause drama and plot advancement are very similar. Of cpurse this is me saying this based on the other BL I watched (Choco Milk Shake) which felt much more out of the expected canon.

Just to get this out of the way: they're all toxic and terrible people, to the extent I find it very hard to connect to any of them. Just in the exposure parts of ep1 there's all of them being horrible to Ray for being drunk – even though they also are? - and to top it up later on they're all drunk, and the woman (sorry I should know her name but it's not like they're giving her any storyline or screen time (aside from, I almost forgot, randomly spraining her ankle 😂) for me to remember) I thought that the fact that this was obvious to them from the beginning was very interesting because I maybe gave them more rope in the beginning to expand on her because I thought she was gonna get more later. she's even drunker it seems but they all fall on Ray only; they literally complain he wants another drink and judgementally go "ewww more drinks don't you think it's enough" and dig into his drinking, he leaves, and then they continue drinking? This got even darker to me when the suicide attempt is revealed, and from then it became really hard to consider them friends? Maybe Mew and Ray but the dynamics of that are anyway weird. This is something I myself struggled with all through the show, like how are these people even friends? and I understand the point illustrated by @bengiyo in this post but I still couldn’t get over that. And maybe that’s just the way I see friendships that these people looked even worse in my eyes. Like I cannot compute them treating Ray like that, even if they're done of his drinking, when they know where he's at emotionally. It also doesn't feel they ever tried to help him so I don't think they have the right to be done, just feels like they don't care.

Top, toxic from day one with this challenge attitude towards fucking the virgin; and the gross way he speaks about it with Boston. It's a big no from me to both of them. It's not even them hooking up for me, Top is just kinda sleazy, manipulative, hyper entitled, I do not take anything he says as truth because he just feels so double faced to me. Even just these episodes he's already shown so many cracks: hiding the hook up with Boston (which I'm beginning to feel was more than a hook up?), the whole random drug dealing thing, how he objectifies Mew like a virgin-trophy when talking to Boston, how he manipulates him and also his weird jealousy and control. Ok, this is where I admit I was completely wrong. I thought that way of seeing Top was very influenced by the promotional material and the way the crew and actors talked about the character. And yet, without any prior knowledge he immediately disliked him. I was not expecting that to be honest. And in this case maybe I just wanted the character to go in a different direction so I kept not seeing the pretty obvious red flags. I mean I saw them but tried really hard to look behind them. My bad. Although we could both agree that he’s gorgeous.

I don't like Mew, but I don't think it's the characters fault or how it's written. It's just the troupe of character writing, especially in gay shows, that I can't stand. It's kinda cancer vibes (astrology lol). A bit not necessarily overt but a general sense of holier than thou cause he's a virgin and "has standards". I don't think he's leading Ray on, I think he actually kinda communicates well he just wants friendship. He could be clearer but also this is TV, so we need slight unclearness for drama purposes lol, but I'm not mad about that. Miss communication is the bane of my existence but it apparently makes for compelling television. Or not.

But generally this hot fuck everyone guy falling for the kinda dorky virgin is so dull to me, this virgin is always this weird insert of purity, more often than not an insert where the writer in one way or another projects himself into, to be able to judge the rest of the community, the moral compass (read: normative in terms of society expectations, also kinda mildly Christian coded, like girl next door in the village), and I do always find it a bit queerphobic. I'm not saying there aren't queers like that and that they shouldn't be represented, but the very intense and obvious writing decisions to position him as this moral center (also visually he's always wearing whites and pastels? Virgin mew, Virgin Mary! Lol) that makes all the other characters, often queer, seem kinda dirty and mean and unprincipled. I have nothing to add here because I agree with them on most of this, and I also think that it was never a coincidence to have a virgin in the middle of this group, to serve as the barometer of right and wrong. Cause he's the pure one so he must know what's right. I disliked mew almost instantly when the show started, because I always thought he was just a terrible friend and that’s the greatest sin of all. A small note that I think it's hilariously dumb that he's been protecting his Virginity for all this time and so like "omg it's hard for me, omg I go slow, omg I have a check list" and then it's like "you drop coke I drop pants", virginity done lol. This was just funny and accurate.

I am not talking about Boston right now cause I hate him. And I also hate that they wrote the slut in such a cliche but I do think they did. I remember you saying something people attacking him too much and him being slut-shamed, but he's written as villain quite clearly. Lol I think he's leading mobile phone shop guy on, it's very player manipulation vibe to be always giving him just a bit more to keep him going and the promise of something more open, when we know he just wants to fuck, and especially fuck when he's butt hurt about Top and Mew. And the way he's treating Mew, terrible friend; and also the advances on Top are far from boundary and consent-based lol. But also Top doesn't feel very interested in getting out, he just weirdly stands there silent being licked in the neck, so I blame both on that whole thing. I have to say that I never really read the shower scene like others might have, like obviously Boston was being terrible to Mew in that moment and not respecting Top's boundaries, but I also didn't see Top as helpless in this moment.

I think the only pair that gets away with actually being cute and not toxic and manipulative is Sand and Ray, they're my faves. Yey!! I find them very endearing and with so much chemistry. They're the only characters who honestly genuinely said sorry to each other and had some accountability when they fucked up with each other.

Even tho I'd like a bit more from Sand about the whole "burden to society" comments at the start - they annoyed me so much. The others it's manipulation after manipulation for me, and it doesn't allow me to get into them so it feels like deep lack of chemistry. Top and Mew's relationship feels really really really meh to me. And I don't know why they're friends, also cause very little of them as friends gets shown after ep1. Well they have the school project that keeps them together but other than that really, why? As I explained above I really struggled with the friendship aspect of all this.

But generally, I feel like the editing and writing are very like Mew is amazing and the others are horrible, and we do just get scenes of everyone being shit and Mew not being great but being naive and cutesy with a hint of superiority. Also you're a virgin your not a thumb stone, give your boyfriend a kiss sometimes. I thought this comment was hilarious but also obviously from a non bl watcher because that didn’t register to me, because I’m so used to boyfriends being so shy around kissing in bl that it didn't even cross my mind.

I think I'm slightly meh by all of them but partly is maybe my expectations too - I knew this one specifically was a bit westernized, but I was nurturing this little idea that it would feel a bit different, that some of the ways things were explored would feel different because of the cultural differences, but I do think you could sub all of the actors for white us-americans and the script would fly, you could probably even set it in a progressive state in the us and wouldn't have to re-write much.

So, I might totally be talking out of my ass, but what I'm left thinking is: is there really no culturally specificity to queer community there? is really all queerness and promiscuity in Thailand this performance of the west? Maybe it is, because of different social rules and expectations and freedoms, I really am not knowledgeable enough, but I'm just wondering if it's that or if it's just being made to be more palatable to me. And I think that's fine as a choice for them to know target audience, but I'm left wondering how the actual scene is in Thailand, what the social pressures are there and how they navigate them, specifically at this nexus of queerness and promiscuity. I also don’t know enough about the culture in Thailand to speak about it but I do agree with the point that this show could be made in us tv and they really wouldn’t need to change much. Without knowing anything about the creators of ofts, aside from the fact that they’re queer, they said later that they would compare it to something that Ryan Murphy could produce.

_

After I read this I had a chance to video chat with them briefly , and there were a couple more things that came up that I thought were really interesting. they were asking me about the actors and how well known they were, etc. Because they thought that the characters were purposefully being shown as really flat, and just bad with no redeemable characteristics and that maybe because the fandom already knew them and already liked them, they could do that without needing to waste time making us care for them, by giving us their good sides. Which I never really considered, but as with most things, our prior knowledge might play a part in this too. I know at least for me, I'm not gonna lie, the fact that I like Khaotung definitely made me care for Ray from the start in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally have.

Anyway, they'll continue to watch it and I'll probably post more of thoughts in the future. I also started to rewatch it slowly so I'll definitely keep thinking about this. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. 💜

[homosociallyyours]

This is a post for one of my best friends who's been going through a lot for the past few years. I'll go into more details below, but here's the heart of the matter: My friend has a serious auto-immune condition resulting from the long term after effects of cancer treatments (worsened now by the addition of long COVID to her long list of diagnoses). Over the past few years, she's gotten sicker and sicker and has been forced to change her diet from a vegetarian anti-cancer diet (she's a breast cancer survivor, and fought HARD for her health) to one that's become more and more limited as her body becomes allergic to every food one by one. She's now reached a point where one of the last 2 foods that she was able to eat safely, chicken, is causing an allergic reaction; she has to eat it anyway to survive, so is now very sick all the time.

What can you do?

One of the last hopes that she has to turn things around is something called a fecal microbiome transplant, which has worked miracles for other people with similar issues, but cannot currently be accessed through medical channels in the US for any but one (unrelated) condition. It's really easy to do as a DIY treatment though, it's just hard to find a donor: so we are putting it out there to see if one of you might be able and willing to be that person, or know someone who could do it.

Here is what she has to say about the ask:

Finding the right person to do this is difficult, but actually doing the helping is extremely easy and quick if someone was that person! If you live in the continental US and are fortunate enough to have both physical and mental good health (or know someone or have a child who fit the criteria) and are willing, you might be able to change my life! Please consider clicking through to read more and maybe even come aboard...  (For clarity: this isn't a medical procedure or anything, it is literally just donating poop, there are a few specifics but it is very much from the comfort of your home on your own time.)

You can click here to fill out a google form to see if you might be able to be a donor. The questionaire is detailed: fecal transplant is a bizarre and magical thing in which the patient sometimes can even end up acquiring personal preferences from the donor- the gut microbiome (sometimes called the second brain) is incredible! But this means that any illness, chronic issues, or risk factors you carry may also be transferred to the recipient so while it may feel invasive, getting detailed info in very necessary; I am just too sick already to take on any more problems.

A note- yes, it is possible to buy screened and processed treatments even in the US: unfortunately the cost (~$2k per round of treatment) is way outside my reach, particularly given that it isn't really any better than just getting poop directly from a good candidate (proven via studies), and that often it takes trying a couple donors/ rounds to find a match that gets results. If anyone wants to just buy me that stuff, I sure wouldn't say no to that, but given the severity of my situation (medical and financial; I cannot work due to disability) it is likely I will need to do medical fundraising at some point and I am trying to save that for an even worse point. Also if you have that kind of money to help out honestly it would be better spent on specialists or my astronomical food costs. I will cover all costs associated with this process if I find someone though, of course!

Thank you for reading/boosting/etc, please consider sending the link to possible healthy friends or family who might be a fit, or consider whether you have a child fitting the bill you might be willing to enlist- young microbiomes are the best ones, as children's systems have had less time to be ravaged by the effects of the modern world or the simple deterioration of age.

[stuffingprize]

Why ship Agon & Yoichi? It’s not just because they’re both devious geniuses who get each other somewhat—making them compatible enough that they don’t need explicit instruction from each other. It’s also that they have a long history filled with changing dynamics & drama. And because, by & large, Yoichi has a tremendous influence over Agon’s choices throughout the story. For a prideful & super talented villain like Agon, I think that’s highly meaningful!

~~Part 1~~

AGON KONGO’S EARLY DAYS - Aww man it sure is hard to be so talented

Agon is a boy with an ability that cannot be trained - his Godspeed reaction time. On top of that, he is quick to take up any physically & mentally arduous activity, has great looks, & is naturally strong as hell. And he achieves it all without much effort~ 

His early days were therefore filled with praise, admiration & envy from everyone around him, including with the one significant relationship during this moment: his twin brother, Unsui. 

Too smart for his own good, Unsui resigns himself quite early on, taking the loss as “an average athlete” and tries only to improve Agon’s prospects rather than his own.

Unsui: Then all my effort will have paid off.

Agon: Shut up. That's my plan anyway.

For Agon Kongo during this time, he probably felt there wasn’t anyone he could call an equal.. 

~

YOICHI HIRUMA’S EARLY DAYS - I’m going to that fun place now

Yoichi Hiruma as a child feels bored and understimulated. Bright but devious by nature, he one day decides to shake up his humdrum by sneaking into an American Army base at age 10, where he spends his days honing his skills in provocation and intimidation while playing poker with men much older than him. 

It is quite apparent that lying and coercion were natural skills to him.

This is also the place where he picks on the habit of carrying guns, speak in foul English, & learns all about American football. By the time Yoichi enters middle school, he’s gone through quite a transformation of looks:

Though at first, Yoichi does not consider himself suitable to playing the game himself, there is no denying he is immensely attracted to the strategic angle of it, spending hours drafting formations in his spare time.

For Yoichi Hiruma during this time, perhaps he only dreams of one day commanding a team with players of his own choosing..

~

AND THEN THEY MEET …wait, who, what, when, where, how??

So how did these two terrors meet? Unfortunately we’re not shown. It is unclear when or how they meet, but we know that it happens before Yoichi decides to play football in Middle School. 

Here’s a headcanon: The “book of threats” was likely an idea Yoichi developed long before, just never had a big enough reason to make one yet. Until he needed to. Until he found something he really wanted to pursue with a lot of obstacles in the way: American football (the man already had used cell phone collection boxes placed around..)

Thanks to a series of events in which Ryokan convinces him to play the game, Yoichi sets out to make his infamous book of threats. For that, he calls on an acquaintance for help! That acquaintance was none other than Agon.

↑This is seriously their earliest known on-screen interaction & we’re presented with this dynamic about them: Yoichi calls, Agon fetches. I know Yoichi isn’t one for pleasantries, but he doesn’t even introduce much context, he merely points to a place & Agon gets to work.

SO WHAT WE KNOW:

They meet somewhere during middle school.

They meet outside of school (no shared school)

Coincidentally Agon also goes through a transformation of looks.

Look, look.. I think it’s quite telling that out of ALL places Agon could’ve been during this very early interaction, he’s at a HAIR SALON. Like, he really really could’ve been doing anything else, or be literally anywhere else. But here we are:

The last one, he says… so they’ve already been at this!

Just IMAGINE! From the moment they meet, however or wherever that was, Agon & Yoichi clearly vibe well enough to exchange contact information & then… Agon forgoes his natural blond hair in exchange for dark dreads.

What could it be? He already wore sunglasses, is liked well & is superbly popular. But perhaps upon meeting this young man with pierced ears & bleached hair, Agon got the idea that he wanted a more intimidating look as well?

Why not? Afterall, he becomes Hiruma’s on-demand thug.

Yoichi influences Agon: +10 points! (Agon gets dreads)

And so, for the next two to three years, Yoichi & Agon apparently spend HOURS running around doing this stuff:

Agon beats people for money, Yoichi gets the blackmail. 

Ahhh yes bonding through filming naked dudes, errr.. Blackmailing, I mean. Hah? Totally normal

Yoichi influences Agon: +10 points! (Agon spends his days as Yoichi’s thug)

If their acquaintanceship formed before Ryokan meddled into Yoichi’s life, then Yoichi has a longer history with Agon than with his friends from Maou. Outside of family relationships, theirs is one of the longest-standing relationships in the series. And with long histories come moments of drama. With Ryokan Kurita in the picture, things begin to go sour.

~

I was never your friend but I thought you were mine.. a.k.a. AGON’S JEALOUSY OF RYOKAN KURITA

One of the strongest proof for me that a proud man like Agon is in fact very desperately thirsty for Yoichi’s attention is the evidence showing that he views Ryokan as an obstacle. Ryokan.. whom he would openly say is miles beneath him in terms of talent, looks, brains.. You get the picture.

It’s not “I’m glad I kicked you & your loser friends.” Was perhaps Agon expecting or hoping Yoichi would choose to drop Ryokan & still apply for Shinryuji himself? Afterall, there wasn’t anything stopping Yoichi from doing so except friendship.

These are instances where Agon isn’t insulting Yoichi. His beef is with the people Yoichi chooses to associate himself with, most prominently Ryokan & later Sena (more on Sena in part 2!!)

But why the antagonism toward Ryokan specifically? Wasn’t Gen (Musashi) also around? If Agon Kongo were a genius of interpersonal relationships, he might've figured it out. Because the truth is no one in this story changed Yoichi more than Ryokan.

Ryokan is the reason Yoichi starts playing football & why we get to the Deimon Devil Bats & the story of underdog Eyeshield 21. And while we have evidence that Unsui also plays football in middle school, that doesn’t mean Agon had any interest in it. An interaction from Riko’s interview gives us a hint:

Which suggests that when Agon found Yoichi suddenly immersed in the sport, it was something that must’ve surprised him. Meanwhile Yoichi’s comment suggests Agon followed the same “stunt” afterwards.

In fact, for Agon, the decision happened here:

Was it a mere coincidence that Agon was at this particular scene? Maybe he & Yoichi had plans to meet up later but Agon happened to arrive earlier by chance. Or maybe Agon was here on purpose..

Genius Agon who is feared, admired, & envied by all.... who is good at any sport, who has the looks & talent to potentially get anyone he wants, being put aside by someone he kinda somewhat valued..

I mean, given the time they spent together, it’s reasonable to assume Agon enjoyed hanging out with Yoichi. So this scene where Yoichi is having fun with people who have nothing to do with him, Ryokan in a Shinryuji Uniform especially, must've affected his sense of security on a subconscious level. We aren’t shown any other source of antagonism for his messing up with Yoichi's plans. The thing is, deep down, Yoichi is the closest he could consider an equal. Not like he knew it at the time.

Also, while the panel above paints Agon in a clearly antagonistic light, the original magazine run of that panel was actually juicier:

Really, it wouldn’t be far-fetched to interpret this as anger, envy, maybe even betrayal.

Yoichi influences Agon: +20 points! (Agon enters Shinryuji High School. Agon joins a football team)

And so, Agon sets out to destroy what he saw that day so badly that he really decides to attend an all-boys buddhist high school despite being a giant womanizer. And when Yoichi confronts him to try to remedy his dick move, Agon decides to cut him off as well, effectively ruining whatever sort of friendship they had.

Alas, their version of a breakup... I've also talked about Yoichi's choice of outfit in this post, heheh!

ALL TO PLAY A SPORT HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE!! Now that's some serious malevolent & jealous-driven commitment!

→Continue to Part 2→

Where I explore Agon's disinterest in Football when it doesn't involve Yoichi, his newfound beef with Sena, Deimon vs Shinryuji & beyond~

[ace-touya]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

OH NO it’s gonna be so hard to pick just ten- I think I’ll have to just do anime ones so I can narrow it down for myself

Dabi/Touya Todoroki

I have several analyses on this man so if you want my full thoughts look for those I cannot talk about every reason I adore this man right now. Bottom line? He’s incredibly relatable to me and also I feel so many things whenever he is on screen.

Tomura Shigaraki/Tenko Shimura

Shoutout to my sister because I don’t think he’d be this high if not for her love for him tbh. I do adore him tho he is literally everything to me (can’t beat Dabi tho) I just want to give him a hug

Megumi Fushiguro

Another really relatable one for me, he gets bonus points because he’s similar to Dabi (I’m working on a Venn diagram) but he’s so sweet and nobody understands him like I do. I’m more obsessed with Megumi than Sukuna is

Satoru Gojo

AKBDKSNDKSNDKSBX. The wounds are fresh with this man bc I just watched JJK 0. I had mixed feelings about him when I started JJK but I started loving him rlly fast. He’s incredibly relatable also. He’s lower than the others just because I do not understand this guy for the life of me. I love that about him tho, he’s such a weird dude

Himiko Toga

This girl deserves the world. I’d like to formally apologise on behalf of all anime girls that this is the first one on my list and she’s so far down, I’m ashamed of myself. She’s like top 3 for MHA tho so it’s okay. I think. ANYWAY I think the idea of people not understanding the way that you love is just so real and it makes me want to cry.

Katsuki Bakugo

His character development is literally?? So good?? And again there’s a lot of relatability with him. He’s similar to Dabi so that’s bonus points and he’s one of my friends’ faves so that’s also bonus points. I hate to admit that he’s lower down because of the fandom more than anything else

Ochaco Uraraka

SHE IS THE WORLD. Ochaco they could never make me hate you, I’m an Ochaco defender for life because I don’t care what anyone says, she is an incredibly well-written and fleshed out character and she is not just ‘In love with Izuku’ and I’m saying that as someone who ships Izuocha

Kyouka Jiro

Most of my love for her comes from my headcanons because we simply don’t get enough of her in canon. But she reminds me a lot of my best friend which probably plays a role in my adoration of her and everything she does.

Junpei Yoshino

In such a short amount of time this baby stole my heart. I’ve never fallen in love with a character in such a little amount of content. But I relate to him immensely and he deserves so much better than what he got.

The way this is just JJK and MHA- I promise I have watched other anime I just haven’t hyperfixated on them as much as JJK and MHA

This was impossible for me so here are some honourable mentions: Yuji Itadori, Ai Enma, Momo Yaoyorozu, Rin Okumura, Suguru Geto, Kazuho Haneyama, Hizashi Yamada, Oboro Shirakumo, Maki Zenin, Toge Inumaki, Hodaka Morishima, Mitsuha Miyamizu, Taki Tachibana, Hina Amano

[ladylooch]

Oh can we get Nico and Lexi's reactions to finding out about the pregnancies of each of their grandkids??

This got a little long beacause it's basically three blurbs, but I love how different each one of these reactions is!

Stella:

I want to say they are surprised, but that isn’t really the right word. Nico and Lexi are very aware of how hot and heavy Lucie and Connor are. But, they assumed they were being smart and careful about their sessions. Obviously, with this news, not as much as they thought. But when they look at Lucie’s face over the phone, even with the thousands of miles between them, they can both see that Lucie is scared and trying to put on a brave face. 

“Connor, can we have a second with our daughter.” Nico murmurs. 

“Um.” He looks over at Lucie. “Sure.” He nods, then leaves the frame. Lucie looks back at her parents when he is gone.

“Are you okay?” Nico asks. She nods, but big tears are forming in her eyes. “Sweets, it’s okay if you’re not.” Lucie swallows hard.

“I’m fine. I’m just really emotional. It’s been hard for us since we found out.” 

“Is this why you two broke up a few weeks ago? Is he not supportive?” Lexi chimes in.

“No! He is! Um, I just.. think we bit off more than we can chew.”

“Oh.” Lexi asks. “Are you saying this was planned?”

“Kind of. But then it wasn’t. And then it still happened.” Then Lucie begins to cry hard. “I know, I know. I’m stupid. You’re so disappointed in me.”

“LuLu…” Nico sighs reaching out for the phone screen, trying to wipe her tears off there. “We love you so much. Mama and I are right here for you. Do you want us to come?”

“Yes. Both of you. Please. And Soph.”

“Okay, we will look at flights tonight and get out to you soon.” Lucie nods. Then looks away to get herself more together.

“Don’t be mad at Connor. He is being so good to me. To both of us…” She trails off. 

“As long as he keeps doing that, him and us are good.” 

Winnie: 

Excitement! Tons and tons of excitement! Stella being a big sister! Another baby joining the family! Lucie and Connor are literally floating on cloud nine when they tell her parents. The joy is palpable and they spend the rest of Nico and Lexi’s U.S. trip dreaming about the newest addition to the family. They cannot stop talking about how blessed they are to be having another grand-baby to spoil. It is Lexi who reminds Nico that they have to be careful about showing enough attention to Stella. She has a feeling big sis may be excited now, but when that baby comes, so much of her life is going to change…

Baby Carlson: 

SHOCK. SHOOK. THE EARTH IS SHAKING. WHAT DID MACK JUST SAY?! 

“You’re…. Kidding?” Nico asks, looking over at his wife quickly. She shakes her head no like, this is a shock to me too.

“I know this is probably surprising because we said we weren’t having kids. But we changed our minds and I’m pregnant. Completely planned. I did not follow in Lucie’s footsteps.” Mack smirks. 

“Hey! Technically… both were kinda planned.” Lucie points from across the room. Then cringes. She looks over at Connor. “We were so dumb.”

“So stupid.” Connor agrees and chuckles. “Best, dumbest thing we have ever done.” He pulls her into his lap, kissing her hard, not caring about their audience. 

“Oh wow.” Lexi sighs, tears in her eyes. “Wow, wow, wow, wow!!!” She claps her hands together excitedly. “Another baby! We are so happy for you two.” Lexi clutches both David and Mack in her arms. “Nico get over here.”

“You aren’t kidding huh?” He jokes with an incredulous laugh. “Mackenzie Hischier is gonna have a kid.” His electric grin could be seen from space.

[hudson-whorenet]

Random Cars thoughts I think about all the time pt.1

It’s currently fairly late (early?) and I can’t sleep so imma talk about things in the cars universe that I think about near constantly. Ok 1 2 3 GO

Mater private eye

Dude I think about this short all the fucking time man, but do you know what the best part about it is imo?

This character design RIGHT here. DUDEEEEE ok this might just be my sheer adoration of classic/vintage cars but this bitch showed up and I went feral a bit. First of I cannot believe they created such a bomb ass character for this five minute short and he’s just never seen again but dude it fits the 1920’s theme so perfectly, the way they’ve exaggerated the front fenders to resemble the turned up collar of a trench coat, the way his roof resembles a flat cap like it’s literally so COOL MAN. I actually can’t stress enough how excited my pathetic little monkey brain got when I saw this design for the first time. The fact (In my opinion) that they were trying to mirror the car seen in peaky blinders (1927 Bentley 6.5 litre) is also extremely cool as you can see the whole gangster element really come through in the character before he’s even properly introduced RAHHHH. I’m so incredibly biased about this because this design alone hits like three of my hyper fixations at once but RAHAHRBHAHAHSBS HES SO FUCKING COOL I NEED TO OWN HIS DIE CAST AHHH

The Thomasville racers

I would just like to state my love for the thomasville racers. YES I know they play a moderate role in the third film and get plenty of screen time I guess but in my humble opinion THEY DESERVE MORE. Do you have ANY idea how hard a prequel movie/series would go (I KNOW ITS EXTREMELY UNLIKELY AND KINDA IMPOSSIBLE) I would give a kidney to see these characters in their prime, just from the flash backs of their races I just know it would be so much fun to watch. Seeing them interact with Doc would be an absolute highlight, being able to gauge their own personal relationships with him, Louise’s feelings towards him (fucking pop off babe love her) it would all be so interesting to see and I would start backflipping irl if Pixar EVER announced they were going to expand on them as characters. Also river is the best I didn’t talk abt him here because I don’t have any immediate thoughts but be’s silly and I enjoy him.

Car biology

Now there is one thing that comes to mind in this fucking fandom when you talk about car biology, and that is the obvious how the fuck do they reproduce. DOESN’T MATTER I HAVE A BIGGER QUESTION. Are their eyes wet. Hear me out here ok, cars cry, we see it happen and there’s implications at multiple different points throughout the franchise that they have tears. Does this mean their eyes are wet??? Or are they crying wiper fluid or something? I feel like that would make sense but the line between what are bodily fluids and what are yummy delicious beverages is so painfully blurred that It wouldn’t surprise me if they’re chugging wiper fluid too. The eyes are wet argument is overall kinda silly because we see lifeless car wrecks in some of the shorts and the windshield is still intact! So this presents something worse than eyes are wet, it implies that the car itself is like an exoskeleton and all the meaty important parts are on the inside! Yay! I only say this because we know they have brains obviously and it’s mentioned in some official book that I can’t remember the name of right now but it’s CANON they have brains. So are the brains MEAT? Because if the brains are meat then the eyes are probably squishy too!! But if they have windshields and we think about the exoskeleton thing are their eyes just freakish gelatinous cubes smushed behind the windshield? BUT IF THATS THE CASE WHY DO THEY NEED EYELIDS? I’m aware that this is all highly stupid and trivial but Pixar made too many decisions with absolutely no was to explain them in a child-friendly way and ultimately backed themselves into a corner about stuff like this and now there’s sleep deprived neurodivergents on tumblr dot com trying to pick up the pieces.

Anyway that’s it for this one I might post more of these in the future because it’s fun to just rant about ridiculous shit for no reason lmao

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Things I Noticed While Writing Light The Fuse: Part 4, Episode 2

Time for episode 2!

Two weeks ago according to Ethan later on, since he probably didn't waste too much time in Detroit, he's wearing the same outfit after all so he more than likely bailed that night

Ethan really is a sweet pea and I love him but god do I love writing that temper of his, I don't do it often enough yet between all the fun and smut and heartbreak and angst

I went to rewatch this bit for any details he might've filled in but nope, whole page is empty ;w; thanks Reprisal. Also laughing at Ethan literally leaving everything behind apart from this outfit and a single bar of chocolate. I love the detail that Horn makes its way into pretty much every title, it's a reoccurring bit

Again I was so not paying attention to anything when Johnson wasn't on screen that first watch that I completely missed that she gave him this front and center 🙃 what a jackass I am

I need to know what this means. It was never brought up again, not even when they met up. My guess is that it's supposed to be like 'look at this and feel reassured that I'll get you out' but the take that it could also mean 'show this to someone and they'll help you' is also interesting, but it's probably the former since everyone thinks she's dead and I doubt she has any friends left considering they think she started a war oop

He will be getting rid of this eventually and that's a promise

This is unforgiveable. It's also funny to me that both Ethan and Matty cry but Johnson, the man played by David 'He's Workin' Those Eyes' Dastmalchian, doesn't. Do you know how hard it is to write scenes where he's sad but doesn't cry cause he's Johnson? Extremely.

It's been pointed out before but Johnson is just straight up gone and Ethan is in his place lol like at least get him a stand-in if David had to be gone for the far shots

I still cannot believe that Bash made me imagine this. This line is so fuckin wild

Even Matty got worried when Bash started doing his thing he was not ready for a fight here

lmao Gary in his sunglasses trying to look intimidating, imagine Johnson trying that, it's not working for you bud

This one's a double, cause not only does this say that Doris taught Ethan how to come down from his panic attacks (which makes me cry) but it's also the super rare time that any amount of time is mentioned. It was so incredibly difficult to work out my timeline for this show that I had to grab the one single date shown (ep4) and move entirely around that based on what everyone says, when the boys go on a run since it takes 11 days (ep5), and when their outfits change

This isn't a detail or anything I just wanna say I love writing their scenes since it lets me really get into Ethan's head while he's hearing her actively push away everything he's saying. I kinda made him way more self-aware in my fic because of that, but having him be aware but still trusting her enough to rationalize her actions in real-time is a lot more fun to me than blind trust

I love this line so much lmao there's so many lines I passed over because I watched without the subs, like I just thought Bru was eating the ham pie like that because he liked it but nope he gets them 'runny' so he can 😂 I also like the detail how they had Ethan order four, so either one is for Johnson or Matty's having two lol

That's the one thing that lets me down in this show, Johnson keeps disappearing for no reason ;w; he should always be by Matty's side even without me knowing they're dating so let's just imagine he ducked inside to grab more drinks or he's using the bathroom and he'll just be right back, hence the fourth pie 👍

Can everyone please stop hitting Matty 😭

Matty just going 'mm' and then getting back to eating lmao he's so fuckin cute he doesn't even care, there's also no reason for him to be sitting on the table and hunched over his food like a gremlin he's gunna make me kiss him what who said that

Well I reached my limit trying to talk about their last scene so I guess I'll see you tomorrow to wrap up ep2, who would've thought such a short amount of scenes would need two posts? 💛💙

[ccaptain]

I have expanded on the fact that H:SR Kaeya is extremely hard to make an enemy out of, which can be found in this post, and I will expand due to some more thinking that I did.

Aside from physically, it's extremely hard to hurt Kaeya emotionally.

As a being of the Enigmata, it's implied that he has lived for a much longer lifespan than an average human. He has seen universe change and crumble and develope again, and along with them, he has seen some of the worst scum among normal human beings. He has seen these people perform heinous acts and later laugh about it, and carry on like normal with their life. And I'm not talking about the simple act of killing- but much darker stuff. Kaeya has seen people with not a single moral in their code continue existing after causing severe consequences for people around them, or the environment. He has watched all this and then more, quietly forming opinions and posing questions to himself in the shadows.

An ancient being having witnessed all of that, there's very few things that make him do more than educately bat his lashes in confusion. 

In this long time he has existed, Kaeya has developed a logic of steel, accurate-as-those-can-be analyzing skills, and spent a lot of time people-watching. He rarely interferes- just observed, with his head slighty tilted, and absorbs. And when he absorbs a behavior, the logical thinking kicks in, and by the time he's done sectioning and picking apart why the person acted the way they did, he will have a better understanding of them. Even the most nonsensical behaviors have a pattern that comes to light, with time and by being with them long enough.

There are actions that are familiar to him, patterns in someone's actions that he finds himself predicting with comfortable ease, and loyal Pathstriders who prioritize walking down the road they personally picked, or was picked for them by their Aeon. In their complexity, people's reasonings come simple to Kaeya.

If it's comforting or unnerving or both, it's always a 50/50. It's either ''ah, what a relief! i don't have to explain myself'' or a ''[chuckles nervously] what the fuck'' kind of situation.

Due to his long history with humanity and their logic, it's difficult to manipulate him. The best someone can get is him playing along because he wants to analyze them better, or because he finds the entire elaborated rouse funny. I'd say the only thing he's weak to is physical touch and intimacy- but to reach this point, there would need to be a degree of trust already built, thus making the situation relatively safer.

This also goes for any emotional damage inflicted on him- cutting ties with him with one-sided bad terms makes it far more likely that the person wanting to break his tranquility has already been ensnared and will gravitate back around Kaeya almost naturally- or on purpose. They have already been forgiven and he'll hope to see them again. Words and situations cannot harm him, not in the way a person hopes.

When I said that Kaeya's character is addicting, I fully meant that he's able to stay in people's minds and worm his way into a corner of their mind. He accidentally turns people fond of him, and I mean this literally.

His complexity and kind demeanor attracts people to him like a magnet- and it's a phenomenon he isn't aware of, funnily enough. 100% a muse encountering him enough times or spending time with him will eventually feel an unexplicable fondness for him, and I'm completely on board with that, snickering behind my screen.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Having a difficult time lately. I’ve never wanted to recover more than I do now but at the same time I know I don’t need to or deserve it so I’m pushing it off. I don’t know what I want my body to look like or what I want to do beyond my disordered habits. I thought I was getting better but no amount of love and attention has been enough. My disorder is labeled as severe and has been for fourteen years but I’ve never even been below overweight.

At this point I’m sure that they’re lying to me. I don’t have a disorder, I’ve gotta just be too fat and making them feel bad for me. I want to leave everyone because I know they can’t love me at this weight. I don’t think I’ll ever deserve anything if I don’t become underweight.

Hi anon! I'm wondering why you say you don't "need to" or "deserve to" recover. You want to recover badly, and you're trapped in the pattern of feeling undeserving/unworthy...literally these are symptoms of having an eating disorder, and of the underlying mental discomfort that drives the eating disorder. So you do qualify as having a disorder that is "bad enough" to require recovery. Especially if you've been suffering for fourteen years!

You're right that love and attention aren't enough. Although it can be very helpful to have the love and support of those around you, they cannot love you better all by themselves. It's gotta be driven by internal healing, and from the way you talk about yourself, it sounds like you're still really struggling with that.

If you have access to counseling, maybe that's where you can address some of these internal challenges. Why do you think you have to be underweight to deserve love? Why do you feel you need to be sick? Why do you correlate you being thin with being deserving and you perceiving yourself as fat with being undeserving? These are some things you can keep pushing to address?

I know this is hard to hear, anon, but I think you know this logically even if your disorder won't let you embrace it fully. As long as you associate being undeserving with being "too fat" you will never address the root of what actually keeps you trapped in feeling undeserving, struggling to connect with others in a healthy way ect. You will always keep moving the goalposts in your mind of what constitutes "thin enough." You will lose weight but you will continue to feel undeserving, and you will tell yourself that it's because it's still not thin enough, and this cycle will repeat without ever addressing this root problem. You've gotta practice telling yourself you are worthy of healing now, no matter where you're at and what mistakes you have made, and you are worth investing in yourself and bringing yourself up. If you keep treating yourself like you know you're unlovable and unworthy, this will manifest in your external behavior. But you are worthy of getting better.

I'm curious, too, anon - have you ever been diagnosed with any mental illnesses aside from your eating disorder? Dual diagnosis is not uncommon in people with EDs, and you have a much better chance of healing if you're getting comorbid mental illnesses treated in your ED recovery as these can be huge triggers for ED behavior. I can't diagnose you from through the screen, anon, but it's probably worth looking into. No matter what you have or how long you've struggled, you deserve to have hope and find the right tools to live a life that feels positive for you.

[lingeringscars]

couple gris.haverse (primarily alina) things

big fan of nikolai and alina as a friendship. i did not particularly care for nikolai in s&s (or r&r but i still cried at everything related to him and like props to leigh for that) but i did love the fact that alina had someone else that they could talk to. i still think about them linking arms At All Times. It's not a hard & fast no romantic them for me, i guess, but it would definitely depend on the nikolai writer

Alina is never queen <3 hope that helps <3 i understand the show direction here but alina never wanted to be queen and her saying no to nikolai in the end was sooo important. she has given enough.

alina is not ?? selfish ?? or stupid ?? for being like hey i cannot physically or mentally give anything else right now and i need to go

alina is well aware that there are people that are better equipped for this particular role and it was never something they wanted to begin with. they took on as much as they could. they died for it. they couldn't come back from what happened in destroying the fold and Be A Leader.

sainthood definitely plays into this. alina is so much more than a grisha, so much more than a person. alina will never be fully grisha or fully otkazat'sya. that in between is really something that no one else can understand, either.

i do keep alina losing her powers because i personally thought it was powerful and showcased the fact that she literally gave everything to ravka. it also felt like the apt conclusion to her search for the amplifiers, the warnings about what possessing them would do, and in general the passing of them to otkazat'sya was A lot. following, alina is already hounded by sun saint people ( pls i'm forgetting the names for the groups rn ) and that constant reminder of losing her powers is gutting, and it's another reason that they can't just Go Back

alina doesn't stop caring about ravka? or grisha? the fight just looks different for her now

Also putting out there that alina is In Love With genya & Has Complicated Feelings re Zoya

also complicated feelings about the darkling but i have less than 0 interest in exploring anything romantic between them ever

mal has complicated feelings re nikolai thank u <3

it's actually not that unreasonable that mal would need to adjust to alina being grisha and also that he would have to react to his own trauma. i know this is an extreme take.

mal deserted the army for alina, mal would follow alina, but mal also Good at what he did. he was vital. he was a tracker and was useful and he lost that in part. he got to live despite this, in part because of alina, and there is a part of mal that wishes that they had treated him like any deserter

does mal fuck up? yes. is show!mal somehow better than book!mal because he isn't as traumatized? no? he needs to adjust to everything that has happened, and eventually he needs to adjust to him actually dying (+ also to alina killing him even if he was adamant that it needed to happen). it's part of why i'm very okay with his ending in the show because i do think that he needs to find a purpose and explore without his tracking abilities. this is more complicated with Misha because mal is extremely protective of him, but i think alina going back to keramzin with him helps him. at this point he can also better recognize that he can't just go back and it wouldn't be fair to either of them (or himself)

i honestly do not think inej's trauma has been erased. i definitely understand the gripe with tante heleen being killed off screen and the s1 reaction. inej freezing is very important to me. but so is the fact that inej tells kaz that she struggles too.

inej and kaz have different reactions to touch. inej had to adapt to touch in a way kaz also has not needed to on account of their different circumstances. this is not me saying that kaz would have been able to or any of that, but inej in order to survive DID. kaz became the bastard of the barrel but inej became the wraith. able to disappear in a moment, even if not physically.

inej canonly has to spell out that she struggles even when jesper and nina touch her. idk maybe i'm being too kind but i do think that amita showed hesitation in many cases. we're not in their heads so we need those little context clues; inej hesitating before initiating anything, rarely initiating but responding to the people close to her. the point is just inej is accustomed to swallowing that fear, but that does not mean it is not there. it just presents itself differently! and that's okay! something i care a LOT about in this series is that they show the different manners in which trauma manifests because it is not the same for everyone

i think inej would take issue with nina making a show to turn leoni and adrik into saints

i also think leoni does not particularly like this, she just understands and agreed with the reasoning. however, she was dedicated to the mission in fjerda and thinks that more good could have come if her cover had not been blown, making her and adrik unsafe

she does not resent nina for this and does believe much good comes from it. she chooses to focus on that. they helped people who needed help, and that is worth it in her eyes.

it is a choice, though. leoni chooses to be optimistic. she chooses to see the good. she was saved by someone who was willing to die to save her, who took on the poisons herself so that leoni could live, and she chooses to honor this every day. she was blessed in more ways than one.

she also needs to see the greater good because she knows that she is helping create things that are killing people. this is something that she can struggle with a lot. she needs to believe that the cause is just and that it will end with less suffering overall.

[arcplaysgames]

HUGE fan of Naoto's shadow. The childishness of it, the big chunky ray guys, the jet wings, the racing stripes.

Naoto keeps being told he's so mature for his age, and it's very obvious that it comes from taking every youthful impulse and crushing it down into a little box until it reaches critical mass and explodes.

Also, this fight was pitifully easy lmao. Either I'm overleveled or the game was not prepared for me to bring in Kanji, who hits like a motherfucking truck. Also Yosuke now dodges like 90% of attacks and I have no idea how he's doing that but it's great.

hoooooly shit this is so affecting. gold star performance form the VA. the sniffly loneliness of the shadow is so good. i want to hug them.

KANJI THAT'S SWEET OF YOU BUT HE'S GOT A POINT, OKAY?

Naoto's gender is "detective" basically.

asldkjflskdf OMG THE PERSONA IS SO TINY EEEEEEEEEEEE ITS SO CUTE uwu

I KNEW IT WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN YOU LIL SHIT

also god i really need to contend with how to refer to Naoto. so far i just don't know enough about how they feel about their gender to just swap to "she", and BELIEVE ME, the way the game is doing it is giving me fucking agida, since I am looking through my screencaps and lemme tell you, Naoto doesn't indicate that's cool with them.

So yeah, I think I answered my own question there. Naoto is gonna be "them" in my mental narrative until further notice. Certainly until I know more about how they feel about all this.

I'm just saying, dude, if being a girl is a prison and being a boy is a slow poison, maybe opt out of both? That's what I'd do, pal.

back home, Adachi is drunk???? Why are you here. Why are you drunk? I spoke to him on the way to find Naoto and he didn't seem terribly concerned about the disappearance.

oh so dojima knows too. I wonder what his motivation is for not speaking up. He also, upon our return from Iwatodai, asked Reverie to befriend Naoto and indicated things were rough for them. So he's sympathetic to the ace detective's ideas about the case too.

(man even writing "them" is really hard. this whole situation sucks lmao. thanks persona. I might use they/he? nothing fits right.)

I wish I could record clips because. There is something about this line read that made me stop and just stare at the screen for a bit... Adachi really really does give me Ryoji vibes, as in intense "I cannot trust you" vibes. But I'll get into that some more next post, as I did hit Rank 6 on his SLink, which is apparently the final rank????

ALSO THERE IS A WEIRD MOMENT THAT I LITERALLY CANNOT CATCH WITH A SCREENCAP. While Dojima is in the room, Adachi is doing the swaying drunkenly thing that Yukiko and Rise did too when they were "drunk" at the party. But like the moment Dojima leaves?

He stops swaying.

/lifts eyebrow

WITH THAT, I FINISHED NAOTO'S DUNGEON ON THE FIRST DAY. I gave the fox so much yen and just kept powering thru. SINCE THEN, I HAVE MAXED OUT KANJI AND YUKIKO! And I made a lot of progress on others. I'll summarize that later, it is almost midnight.

[doctorofmagic]

I know this wasn't the point of the Wanda post but I feel like this should be said: Introducing things from the movies into the comics is not always a bad thing like how Blade wasn't half vampire until after the film trilogy and everything that happened with comic 616 Nick Fury. But I could be wrong and those are actually terrible examples.

I agree with you! I don't think adaptations and new concepts are bad, but it really depends on every circumstance.

Cloud!Galactus will forever haunt the second FF movie. Let alone that *points at Victor von Doom as a whole*

On the other hand, some concepts are super welcome, like what they did with the Eternals, making most of their personalities waaaay more interesting (I suppose my only exception is Sersi. Comics!Sersi is/was so full of sass and I missed that. But Ikaris? Makkari? Druig? *chef's kiss*)

Nick Fury, imo, is a very unique concept because he only exists thanks to the Ultimates artist who used Samuel L. Jackson for his design. The actor saw that and wanted to be part of the MCU, which turned him into a very popular character, leading Ult!Fury to the 616, while 616!Fury is currently *whatever happened to him in Slott's FF run idrc* (correct me if I'm wrong on this, I read that info a long time ago)

Oh, and I can't say much about Blade because I'm just starting to read his chronology. But I think it's cool that he's a daywalker, as far as I know.

In short, it's okay if the movies introduce something cool to the character.

But back to Wanda... (and I know you didn't mention her, this is just me ranting, so please feel free to ignore that part, I'm just seizing this opportunity)

Nothing about her MCU characterization added good things to her comic book version. She was whitewashed, worked for Hydra, had a terrible storyline about grief and mental health (tipically stereotyped and twice as problematic since she's a woman) and finally had the "woman goes crazy with power" trope. She was never able to control her powers (as seen in Civil War) and let her emotions warp reality to fit her fantasies while being manipulated by both people and her own emotions (again, women are often called overly emotional, and I'm not excusing Bendis here because he did the same in comics). She became a villain during HoM and the times she was possessed by Chthon, but she was never meant to be *THAT* scary and evil. There's altruism in her essence (this is why the narrative of killing a teenager is just so off to me).

Wanda is a brown romani woman who was often persecuted due to her ethnicity, religion and skin color, as well as her mutant genes. And yes, the many reboots that tried to erase her identity. Even in modern day, she still has to deal with ill-intended writers who ignored the implications of her character as a hero of color and the double effort she has to perform in order to be accepted as an Avenger, (former) mutant and overall hero. Not only that, the fans have to BEG to artists to make sure she isn't whitewashed, while 0ls3n stans will mock and diminish those who ask for representation.

This is why it's so problematic for Wanda to be like that. Her entire characterization is made to please a toxic fanbase and use her as a symbol to promote their racism (as seen on my previous post).

In short, they don't like Wanda. They just idolize 0ls3n because she's white and plays a derranged woman filled with power. And that's kinda enough for them.

Don't get me wrong, I do love my fair share of female villains (I'm literally in 300 different fandoms). But Wanda was not meant to be that, especially knowing that there are so few female heroes of color on screen (it gets even worse when we only count phase 1, 2 and 3).

In any case, my point is, fans cannot accept the influence of MCU!Wanda to be translated to comics because it's erasure of her identity and plain racism. The new team is working very hard to portray a woman of color as she was supposed to be ever since her roma heritage was established in comics, and it's infuriating that people will turn a blind eye to all that.

Like, this kind of shit keeps happening over and over.

Even when Wanda is a brown woman like she's supposed to be, they still find a way to erase her through 0ls3n's whiteness. This is not different from those derranged people who pick white actors and photoshop them over Black Panther's characters (I've seen one just yesterday).

Sure many minorities were poorly portrayed back then, often depicting problematic characterizations, but here's an excellent case of how comic books allow room for growth (I was talking about HP and JK but it also fits this post)

Agatha was just the last bit of bad influence from that accursed TV show. She was deaged, which is absurdly ageist. There are so many few elderly and middle-aged women in the Marvel universe. There's less now because women can't be old (ask me about the anons that stated Charlize was too old to play Clea and watch me burn in rage).

Anyways, I wanted to make this about Wanda again because it's not just a case of bad adaptation. It's a political statement -- and a bad one. And I don't want ANY OF THAT in a media that is so political and means so much to minorities. I feel like it's important for us to talk about this ALWAYS. So yeah. I don't know how to end this post. Representation matters. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[thats-it-im-fallingdown]

Here are my thoughts from my first viewing of Revenge of the Sith (as I watched it) after having seen the clone wars!

-there are heroes on both sides? really? lux left the separatists at the end of the onderon arc, and he’s the only good separatist we see

-oh boy, the kidnapping of palpatine sure sounds exciting! wish we got to see it on screen. i am not even done with the title crawl and things aren’t going well.

-hell yeah, action! I’m usually not fond of big cgi fights because it’s hard to feel a sense of scale, but this one is working for me. i wonder if it’s because cgi like this was more cutting edge and done by professional artists rather than it’s-technically-not-a-sweatshop labor.

-Hayden Christensen is.. so good as anakin. the guy voicing him on clone wars was great done get me wrong, but there’s no beating the og

-I wasn’t even alive when the prequels came out, so i can’t say for sure, but tcw is retroactively doing a lot of heavy lifting here. I’m coming into this emotionally invested in the clones and having watched anakin be nudged further and further into unhealthy attachment. See: obi wan putting the mission to save palpatine over himself and anakin putting his friend above the mission despite obi wan reprimanding him

-even when he’s “captured” palpatine is incapable of not looking like a stuffy old man. he’s shackled to a space throne

-that flip was not necessary. dooku is extra and it’s great

-obi wan is so confident that he’ll be able to take dooku like I haven’t watched him an anakin get the run around from him more than once in tcw

-the cgi of the platform falling on obi wan was. odd looking.

-I’m loving how palpatine is in full on shameless villain mode

-the fluctuations in tone are really funny to me in a way I don’t think they’re intended to be. going from dooku’s execution to “wait a minute we’re smarter than this” is giving me whiplash

-i literally can’t go for more than a minute without spotting a memed line. prequelmemes unstoppable

-about the you’re so beautiful scene between padme and anakin on the balcony.. I’m not a very advanced actor, but I do have enough experience to say that this is what poor directing looks like imo. Lucas, buddy, you have got to give them more direction. even the best of actors can���t fly by the seat of their pants for two hours

-the pearl strands on padmes nightgown look so uncomfortable to sleep in

-people tend to misunderstand why the Jedi forbid attachments, and some of it is western fans not understanding Buddhism, but I think it’s mostly the fault of scenes like the one where anakin goes to yoda about his premonition of padme dying in childbirth. it’s just… not said in a way that makes it clear that attachment should be seen as similar to possessiveness

-asking anakin to spy on palpatine, who he is close to, right when his opinion of the council is at an all time low is just.. really foolish. yes, palpatine is getting to the dictator zone at this point. yes, he’s a concern. but don’t you have someone else you could pick? he was just abducted, and if we count tcw, not even for the first time. giving him a full time Jedi bodyguard wouldn’t be unreasonable, and then you could spy on him!

-the window view cityscapes of coruscant have a beauty to them. it’s a contrast to the concrete brutalism in Andor

-that line about darth plagueis being able to create life— is he just referring to prolonging life, or is there an implication that that was how anakin was conceived?

-I’m a sucker for treehouse architecture, I can’t help but love kashyyyk’s design

-Utapau, good to see you and your wildlife fully rendered!

-getting to know all these Jedi in tcw makes seeing order 66 so much more tragic to watch. I’ve learned who aayla secura is, who plo koon is, who the clones are, so it’s so much worse watching it unfold :(

-yoda being carried by chewbacca.. a) yoda cannot resist a piggyback ride b) him being the size of a child taps into the part of my brain that fantasizes about settling down with a nice girl and having her baby with ivf. what maternal juice drugs is in that species

-tcw was often bad at portraying women (the overly sexualized costume designs, for one), but women did get more agency. I’m an hour and a half deep in this movie and padme has done next to nothing to affect the story. by agency i mean acting upon the plot. padme does not act upon the plot. she is acted upon by the other characters. hope that makes sense!

-the dialogue on mustafar is. uh. not to my liking, i have to say, but towards the end of his one on one with padme when obi wan steps out is when I could begin to see darth Vader as we know him in the original trilogy. yeah, we’ve seen how anakin is being pulled to the dark side, but he tells the council that palpatine is the sith lord. he’s friends with obi wan, practically brothers. here is when i can really connect the two in my mind

-the infamous only a sith deals in absolutes line, which is in itself an absolute. the prequels could have been incredible if only there’d been a script advisor capable of saying no to George Lucas

-the grampas are fightinggg

-the anakin obi wan fight choreography seems okay, so why is it being shot like they don’t want us to see it? only getting to see the lightsabers flashing around like a siren light makes it look like they were trying to fix a sloppy action scene in post when it looks perfectly fine

-palpatine thrown ass over teakettle onto his spinny chair. i love this movie and i wish I watched it when i was high on pain meds after getting my wisdom teeth taken out

-if yoda and obi wan had stuck together, they probably could have taken out palpatine and then vader if it was 2 on 1 for both fights. the only explanation for why they had to split up is that it had to happen for the original trilogy to still work. which isn’t all that satisfying for me

-yeaahhhh lava and volcanoes baby!!

-if i had a dollar for every time obi wan cut off a sith’s legs instead of killing them creating a nemesis with so many Problems…

-allow me to take a moment to appreciate ewan mcgregor’s acting chops throughout this whole trilogy

-the way padme and anakin parallel each other in how she’s creating life while dying and his life is saved by becoming a machine/less alive

-it makes sense to me, because of tcw season 6 finale, but qui gon being to one to rediscover becoming a force ghost must have been such a curveball when this movie first came out

-it’s not just coruscant the sky is absurdly lovely on tattooine as well??

-beru gets handed a baby out of nowhere and is like :)

hey! i did it. I’ve finally watched all of the main prequel era content. thank you for reading this far, making these posts has been fun for me. next up is going to be seeing Star Wars rebels for the first time!