#little does dave know that the server is what it says it is

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

TT: Yep, that looks about right.

--- timaeusTestified [TT] sent an attachment. ---

TG: reggie the rat 18+ rp sex server

TT: Sometimes you just get bored of normal server names.

[bottlehawk]

hs kids' first day on the earth c minecraft survival server

jake: starts digging straight down as soon as he spawns. keeps digging. keeps digging. keeps digging. no one ever sees him again

jane: enters ready to get everyone organized. half the server immediately runs off doing their own thing. stops the remaining crew before they wander off so they can start building a base before it turns to night. gives everyone roles and then has to go afk because she was on her lunch break and is actually playing minecraft on her company computer. comes back hours later and finds the entire server on fire.

karkat: gets a stone hoe and some wheat seeds thrown at him and is told to set up a wheat farm. nods even though he's never played minecraft before and doesn't know how. clicks the ground with the hoe and it seems to do something so he does that for a while. dave comes over and asks him why he's been just plowing the ground in one really long straight line. tells him to fuck off so he does. wishes he hadn't when he realizes he could've asked him for help. figures out that if you click on the ground with the seed it plants it and decides he's actually a minecraft genius and doesn't need anybody's help at all. dusts his hands off proud of the work he's done and then goes to try to find kanaya.

kanaya: is given a stone axe and is told to chop down some wood for the houses. does and gives roxy some stacks and goes to chop down some more wood because she honestly finds it kind of therapeutic. ends up clearing an entire mountain. night comes and mobs start sprouting up and she chops them down too. is surrounded by fields of floating rotten flesh and bones and cursed armor when suddenly she sees flames in the distance near the base. starts marching down there with the grim resolution of an executioner, ready to now start chopping some necks.

terezi: learns how to craft a flint and steel and discovers the magic of fire. laughs maniacally as she starts burning cows she runs into and laughs even more when she discovers they drop cooked meat. wants to find more things to burn. finds a raider's base and the sound of the wood torching up into flames does something to her and she starts setting fire to the entire forest. stumbles across the base. sets fire to one of the buildings. karkat comes over and yells and asks what the fuck she's doing. sets karkat on fire. laughs as she watches him run in circles not knowing how to stop the flames. suddenly gets murked by kanaya who's sneaked up behind her, and continues being hunted down by her as she respawns for the rest of the night.

jade: wanders off and finds a cute little village. decides that she's adopting it now. places some flowers she's picked along the way around to make it look nice and pretty. tames and places some cats around the perimeter and puts some torches nearby to keep away mobs. builds a water fountain in the middle of the town square. waves goodbye to go find some wolves to tame and promises that she'll be back.

dave: builds elaborately detailed dirt penises all over the farm while karkat works and negs him. karkat tells him to fuck off and go do something useful. fucks off accordingly and finds jade's village. raids everything from the chests and all the crops. puts dirt dicks all over the place. kills the cats for string and free exp. kills some sheep and creates beds and pushes some of the villagers inside a shitty little acacia building he made with a sign on it saying "breeding pen". throws some potatoes at them and then blocks up the entrance. turns around and immediately gets blown up by a creeper.

calliope: is the only one given op privileges as she is the only one that everyone can trust to have it. decides she wants to build a big cool glass castle in the sky. has just finished building the base when jade types in chat that whoever destroyed her village is going to pay. types "oh no!!!" in the chat. gets a dm from dave asking her for sanctuary because jade is going to KILL him. remembers that he's made NFTs. sends jade screenshots of the exact incriminating parts in the server log and happily continues building her castle.

rose: has debug screen turned on. immediately crafts several stone axes. runs off to the nearby desert and finds a desert temple and raids it, crafting an iron bucket. fills it with water and goes to a lava pool and builds a nether portal. enters the nether. speed bridges over to a nether fortress and makes a wither skeleton farm and proceeds to grind for ~3-4 hours. collects enough wither skulls. readies her bow and summons the wither and starts using its detonating blasts to mine down for ancient debris.

roxy: tried to convince everybody at the beginning to download 727378282 mods to make the server "more FUN!!". was unsuccessful. gets told to make some houses and beds for the base so she does. looks for other things to do and finds karkat's wheat farm and is flabbergasted. why is it in one long straight line. there isn't even any water. where is the water? tells john to go get her some redstone while she fixes it up so she can automate it.

john: not sure what to do. roxy tells him to start mining for redstone ("its red and shiny lol you wont have to dig that far"). digs straight down into a cave. realizes he forgot to get wood but decides to go on anyway. uses up all his stone pickaxes mining copper because he doesn't know what it is and it looks cool. hits a slime and it divides into more slimes and he freaks out and runs away with two hearts. keeps running and finds a door in the side of the cave wall. opens it. wanders around in a cool maze and then enters a weird room with some yellow and green chest like boxes. suddenly gets attacked by a little bug making a screechy sound and panics and dies.

dirk: rounds up some animals into pens for the base and then busts out a boat and a fishing pole to try to get them a book of mending. is chilling in the middle of the ocean and then sees that dave gets blown up by a creeper in chat. asks if he's okay and if he needs someone to come over. sees that karkat got killed by terezi. sees that terezi got killed by kanaya. asks what is going on. is now rowing back towards base. jade types that her village has been destroyed. jane has logged on and is asking why the entire base is on fire. is crafting buckets and filling them with water. sees that rose got an achievement for summoning the wither. texts her "Dude did you just summon the Wither???". rose ominously replies "I've got it handled." sees john got killed by a silverfish and roxy asking when the hell john found the stronghold. jake gets a cheating death with a totem of undying achievement. proceeds to have a total aneurysm.

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

Ropes (Valentine's Day Exchange)

Pairing: Dave York x f!reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: shibari (rope play, restraints), dom/sub undertones, PIV sex, squirting, use of vibrators, competence kink, mentions of edging/overstimulation, knives (but no knife play!!), mention of butt plugs, soft!Dave gets his own warning

Summary: “What are these for?” you ask, examining the hook. Dave’s smile is a sly one. “For the ropes.”

A/N: Happy Valentine's Day, @honestly-shite!!!!!!!!!! Please have some naughty AND soft Dave York who has a secret kink hidden away in his closet........ Created for the Valentine's Day exchange in the Discord server. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE MY LITERAL VALENTINE NOW.

Masterlist

“D-Dave!”

“That’s it, baby. Tell me.” Dave grits out roughly, his voice uneven from the force of his thrusts. He adjusts his grip on your ass, pulling you up even more so that your ankles are resting on his shoulders as he pounds into you.

“It’s–gonna make me–”

“I know.” Dave smirks. You know he knows–knows exactly what this position does to you. His cock is hammering right on your g-spot, causing pressure to build inside of you. You can feel it coming already, each time he hits the same spot over and over. It’s more powerful than an orgasm, it’s–

“Fuck!” you squeak as the dam suddenly breaks and wetness bursts out around Dave’s cock.

He chuckles darkly, pulling out abruptly just to watch the little stream of liquid splash out of you. He rubs your clit, admiring the way it runs down his fingers as you whimper and come down from the powerful sensation. 

Suddenly, he sheathes himself within you again and you shriek at the overstimulation, but Dave only laughs again, spurred on by your protests. 

“Fucking perfect,” he murmurs as he starts to chase his own end. “So fucking pretty.”

“Dave,” you moan, seemingly only capable of his name as he takes you apart. “Dave.”

“Say it again,” Dave orders through clenched teeth.

“Dave, Dave, Dave–”

He fucks up into you one last time as he cums, hitting something so deep it’s almost painful. You clutch at his shoulders, both of you breathing heavily as you recover. Eventually, he raises his head and looks down at you with a soft smile–and a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

You laugh in surprise. “Wait, wait–was that my gift?”

“I was supposed to get you something?”

You giggle again and slap Dave’s chest playfully. “You ass.”

“I’ll get you something,” he murmurs. “What do you want?”

“Wait, you really didn’t?”

Dave shoots you a withering look. “What do you think?”

“Um–”

“Of course I did. But it’s on back-order, so you’re going to have to be patient for a couple more days."

"What is it?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." He slips out of you with a soft grunt and gets out of bed, searching on the floor for his underwear. 

You stretch languidly and get up too, grimacing at the way the sheets stick to your legs. 

“Let me throw these in the washer,” you tell Dave as you throw on one of his t-shirts, laughing to yourself. “We really do a number on the sheets.”

Dave huffs a little laugh himself. “You weren’t complaining earlier.”

You crinkle your nose as you crumple the top sheet and throw it on the floor. “They’re soaking wet.”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Yours.”

“How do you figure?” Dave snorts.

“You made me do it.” You yank the fitted sheet off of the last corner of Dave’s king-size bed, and a little black strap with a carabiner clip at the end falls out between the mattress and the box spring. You frown, cocking your head to the side. 

You glance over at Dave questioningly. He’s watching you intently; the intensity in his eyes betrays his relaxed stance. No, he’s highly interested in your reaction.

“What are these for?” you ask, examining the hook. 

Dave’s smile is a sly one. “For the ropes.”

“The ropes,” you parrot dumbly. 

Your heart in your throat, you cross to the other side of the bed and stick your hand between the two mattresses, finding a matching strap and another carabiner. 

“Dave,” you scold playfully. “When were you going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?” 

“That you were into some fifty shades shit,” you elaborate, grabbing the dirty sheets and carrying them through to Dave’s laundry room, dumping them in the washer. You shriek in surprise as Dave sneaks up behind you and presses you into the appliance, crowding you in. 

“Don’t bring up that fucking book in this house,” Dave growls into your neck. 

You giggle. “Or what?”

“Or you’ll find out exactly how I am not like that book,” Dave rumbles.

“So you’ve read it, then,” you tease.

“No,” Dave replies, sounding affronted. 

“Then how do you know how you’re not like it?” you point out. 

“Educated guess.” 

You sigh as the weight of his body leaves you, and he rummages in the linen closet for a spare set of sheets. 

“Okay, I’ll bite,” you say. “How are you not like that book?”

“I actually give a shit about consent,” Dave says with a smirk, “and I have about twenty years of experience with tying knots.”

“Show me,” you demand, sticking out your chin.

Dave raises his eyebrows. “Show you?”

“Show me. How would you tie me up?”

“Oh, sweetheart,” Dave begins, his tone a mixture of affection and condescension, “I’d tie you up in hundreds of different ways.”

You locate the third strap underneath the mattress–on your side of the bed–and examine it with curiosity. 

“What kind of rope?” you ask. Your core is tingling with excitement. You knew Dave was intense in the bedroom, but this is as-of-yet unexplored territory between you. 

You watch Dave go to his closet and come back with a box, which he sets on the bed. 

“So instead of a sex dungeon, you have a sex… cardboard box?” you say sardonically. 

“Knock it off, or the first thing you get is this,” Dave mumbles. He pulls out not a rope, but a little black leather paddle, and you feel your stomach drop somewhere down near your feet.

Oh. Shit.

Stunned into silence, you don’t have any more sarcastic remarks as you approach Dave and examine the contents of the box with him. 

As it turns out, there are several different types of rope: some made of soft silk, some that’s thicker and coarser, and a couple of different types of ties and cuffs. And that’s not the only thing in the box, either. Underneath the rope, you spy a Hitachi magic wand, which makes your eyes widen. There’s another flogger–this one with little braided tassels–and a somewhat intimidating-looking butt plug. 

“Still want me to show you?” Dave asks softly.

You don’t have to deliberate on your answer. “Yes,” you whisper. 

Even though you’d just cum enough to justify changing the sheets, you can feel more wetness pooling between your thighs as you picture Dave using all of this stuff on you. 

“Lie down on the bed,” Dave instructs softly. 

You comply immediately, scrambling to the center of the bed and looking back at Dave with a giddy, expectant smile.

Dave smirks. “Jesus. Should have done this ages ago.” He grabs a coil of soft, red silk rope and crawls over your body. “Look at how eager you are.” He takes one end of the rope and slowly drags it down your cheek, making you whimper softly. 

“I’m going to check in regularly,” Dave tells you as he drags the tip of the rope down your neck and to your chest, “to make sure everything feels good, but I still need you to tell me if anything hurts or is uncomfortable at all. Clear?”

You nod. “Clear.”

“I’m very good at this,” Dave says, with no hint of arrogance, “but in the unlikely event that anything tingles or loses feeling, you tell me immediately.”

“Yes,” you nod breathlessly.

“This is for emergencies,” Dave says, reaching for the knife he keeps in his bedside drawer and flicking it open, showing it to you. “If anything feels numb, or you just need out immediately, I cut the ropes. Understand?”

You jump slightly as the blade clicks into place. 

Dave smirks at your reaction. “Don’t worry. I’m very good with this, too.”

“Do I need a safeword?” you ask, gazing up at him with wide eyes.

“‘Stop’ is just fine, honey,” Dave says, giving the tip of your nose a kiss. 

His fingers trail from your shoulder down to your wrist. “I think I’m going to tie your wrists to those little hooks you discovered. Get them out of the way.” He moves to sit next to you on the side of the bed, taking your wrist in his hands and winding the rope around it several times, creating a series of loops that extend past your palm.

“That’s pretty,” you murmur, watching him work. 

“Chain stitch, single column,” Dave explains. He takes the other end of the rope and secures it to one of the hooks underneath the mattress, pulling your arm out straight. He slowly removes the slack, until your arm is immobile on the bed, before tying it securely in place. “Are you comfortable?” he asks, looking over at you expectantly. 

“Yes,” you answer, nodding. Even with just the one arm restrained, your heart is already pounding with anticipation.

“Good girl,” Dave murmurs. “Next one.” He grabs another short rope and repeats the same simple tie on the other hand. Your arms stretch wide as Dave slowly pulls the rope tight, and your upper body is unable to move. 

“It should be snug, but not unbearably tight,” Dave tells you. “Completely immobile, but not painful.”

“It’s perfect,” you say. 

Dave’s fingers trail down your face and throat. You can hear the soft, low growl in his chest. “This is what I like to see,” he rasps. “My girl, helpless and tied to the bed. I could do anything, you know that, right?”

“I trust you,” you whisper.

The words seem to wipe Dave’s teasing, smug expression right off of his face. His eyebrows pull upwards slightly in surprise, his eyes widening for just a moment, in awe of the gift you’re giving him. 

“I know,” he murmurs, before he clears his throat. “Put your leg up, like this.” He grasps your ankle and guides your leg so that your foot is resting near your butt, your knee up in the air. “Good girl.”

Dave takes another length of rope and starts to bind your leg in this position with a series of loops and knots that secure you in a ‘frog’ position.’ You watch his hands with interest, fascinated by his apparent knowledge of knots. The competency is making you weak in the knees almost as much as the actual ropes are. 

“Spiral futomomo,” Dave says, meeting your eyes with a little smirk. “Knew you were going to ask.”

Dave takes the end of the rope, which trails from your ankle, and ties it to the restraint under the mattress, keeping your leg open for him. 

“How are you feeling?” Dave asks, checking in. “Comfortable? Calm?”

“Calm?” you repeat, cocking your head to the side in confusion. 

“Some people, if they aren’t prepared, can get overwhelmed at the feeling of being completely restrained, and panic,” Dave explains. “Want to make sure you’re not feeling short of breath, lightheaded, anything like that.”

“I feel great,” you say, smiling. “I think I like this.”

Dave chuckles low in his throat. “Good girl.”

He ties your other leg with the same intricate knots, then secures it to the last hook, so you’re splayed out on the bed with your knees bent, completely incapable of moving. 

“Oh, I think I know what I want to do with you,” Dave growls, reaching for the box. “You couldn’t keep your eyes off of this earlier, don’t think I didn’t notice,” he says, pulling out the Hitachi wand. “One of these days, I’ll tie this, too, so it stays. Make you cum until you can’t fucking breathe.”

“Dave,” you sigh, wiggling slightly back and forth–the only movement you’re capable of. 

“But look at this little pussy,” Dave says. “It’s wrecked already; it’s all red and it’s covered in me.” He dips his finger into your slit and collects what’s left of his spend, then rubs it over your lips, smiling at the sight. “I just want to see you cum like this once, and then we’re done.”

He switches on the wand and touches it gently to your clit.

Dave was right–you’re already puffy and pink, deliciously sore after a long evening with Dave’s insatiable appetite for making you scream–and the high-frequency vibrations cause you to arch slightly, straining off of the bed but held steady by the ropes. The tight loops dig into your thighs, causing a little hint of pain to travel its way up your nervous system, but you find that it only adds to the pleasure. 

It’s different, not being able to move while Dave does this. He’s teased you before, with that little bullet vibrator that you keep in that drawer, and with that suction thing that you were too embarrassed to tell him about at first. He’s made you cum until you were crying; or, when he’s feeling a bit more sadistic, kept you suspended on the edge for endless minutes until you’re begging him to let you. You should have known he was into ropes; you’re at his mercy, unable to move away from the wand or shift your hips toward it to try and create more friction. 

You whine and strain against the ropes, trying fruitlessly to wiggle back and forth as Dave uses the wand to do whatever he wants to you.

Chuckling Darkly, Dave says, “You know that struggling isn’t going to make any difference, right?”

“Maybe I like to do it,” you respond coyly, and Dave raises one eyebrow.

“Is that right? Struggle all you want, sweetheart. There’s no way you’re getting out of this.”

You let out a lewd moan at his words, and it only serves to spur him on.

“I could leave you like this,” Dave suggests, pretending to mull it over. “I could put the wand down just inches from your pussy and walk away to let you try to reach it. Or,” he says with a smirk, “I could get another rope and tie it right here–” he presses the wand harder on your clit, making you keen for him. “–turn this thing on high, and leave.”

“Dave, no–” you whimper pitifully.

“Mmhmm,” he hums. “Go make myself a cup of coffee, listening to your screams from the bedroom.”

“Please.”

You aren’t sure if you’re pleading for it, or against it. 

“Maybe some other time,” Dave says with a wicked smile. “Right now, I want to see you cum.”

You’re already close, but when he turns the vibrator on high, you quickly arrive at your end, and you do scream as you fall apart. Your body convulses of its own volition, causing the rope to dig painfully into your arms and legs, and some deep part of your lizard brain very unhelpfully kicks in, and all you can focus on, even as you pulse with aftershocks, is that you can’t move.

“Dave. Dave. Dave–” you murmur, your voice slightly shaky. 

In a flash, the knife is in his hand, cutting through the ropes on one of your legs like butter. 

“Talk to me,” Dave rumbles as he calmly continues to slice through the knots.. “What day is it?”

You frown in confusion at the odd question. “Tuesday?”

“Be more specific,” he instructs as he frees your other leg.

“February 14th.”

“And?” He cuts the two ropes holding your wrists firmly against the bed above your head. 

“...Valentine’s Day?”

Dave hums his approval as he takes one wrist in his large hands and gently starts to massage it. You hadn’t been panicking, not really, but you suddenly realize that just the simple act of answering a couple of questions had distracted you from any remaining nerves. 

“Told you,” he remarks, not unkindly. “It can be overwhelming.”

“Thanks,” you say lazily as Dave stretches your legs back down onto the bed and runs his hands up and down your thighs. 

“Good girl,” he murmurs. “Anything hurting?”

You shake your head. “I liked it,” you admit with a giddy smile. 

“Did you,” Dave drawls, the lackadaisical tone covering up the much more earnest undercurrent of wanting to know. 

“I like it when you do pretty much anything,” you tease. 

Dave pauses for a split second, genuine surprise and delight written all over his face before he schools his expression back into ‘easy confidence.’

“Well then,” he says, smirking as he reaches back into the cardboard box and pulls out the large plug. “Why don’t we do this next?”

You gulp, eyes flitting from his face, to the object in his hand, and back to his face again with obvious trepidation. 

“Kidding,” he says. “Unless…?”

You giggle nervously, and Dave shakes his head in amusement, tossing the plug back into the box. “Next Valentine’s Day, perhaps.”

It’s your turn to stare at him in surprise. “N-Next?” The two of you have been dating seriously for a few months now, but you’ve never blatantly discussed future plans. Not like this. 

Realizing he’d just put the two of you in unexplored territory, Dave looks off to the side, seemingly searching for something to say to find his way out of the awkward conversation. 

“I’d like that,” you say softly. 

Dave’s eyes flick to yours, and the two of you look at each other for a few heavy seconds before you twist your features into a coy smile. 

“We could try it sooner than that,” you tease.

“Naughty and impatient,” Dave remarks, but his eyes are twinkling. “But first, you’re going to need to add something else to your Valentine’s gift to me.”

“I do?” you ask, laughing. “Like what?”

“I need some more rope.”

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp 15/5

@manorinthewoods submitted: I believe I got confused about the omnipotence thing because I'd talked about it in some Discord server or other. My interpretation of the confusing usage of 'omnipotent' is that it specifically refers to any individual with the ability to exert unlimited power upon at least one individual. This allows for a system where one omnipotent can be more powerful than another, such as a Horrorterror being stronger than a First Guardian. [...] That's all I wanted to say.

The problem is that I don't really understand what it means to exert 'unlimited power' over someone.

Does it mean that you have full control over that person's actions? Or perhaps, the ability to change their nature in any way imaginable? Neither of these traits apply to First Guardians - their powers are centered around controlling space, not people.

Doc Scratch exerts power over Vriska, but his influence isn't absolute. If it was, she wouldn't have been able to use the cueball behind his back. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding what you mean by unlimited power.

Probably! There are already a lot of human/troll interactions going on, so their relationships will inevitably evolve.

I recommended a few webcomics last year. They're all decent theory-fodder, particularly Paranatural.

That said, none of them are as good as Homestuck at doing what Homestuck does. This is a very unique story, and I'm also not sure what, if anything, I'll liveblog after this is done. I'm certainly enjoying liveblogging, so there probably will be a next project - and I remain open to suggestions.

Dang it. Well, I'm still showing up in search, so at least I'm not shadowbanned this time. Maybe a glitch on your end?

I don't think you're wrong, exactly - but to be honest, there seems to be a bigger issue here than unreliable narration. I still have trouble understanding how any kismesissitude can be healthy.

The prophecy is true!

It's kind of cool that the kids' entire fortune is likely seeded from John's original stockpile. All that Grist we picked up in Act 2 actually went somewhere!

Oh, nice! I feel like there'd be too many combinations to effectively crowdsource, though, unless the pool of alchemy ingredients was extremely small. If you really wanted to implement alchemy in a game, it'd probably have to be at least partially procedural.

To be fair, I have to give credit to John on this one. Some of his funniest moments are when he's not trying to be a jokester.

I know! I probably wasn't clear enough about my question.

My question is whether the phrase 'the numerals of the blind prophets' is a reference all on its own. The phrase is a little out of left field, and the comic itself hasn't explained it.

Pretty sure John's has already been explained - he needs to wake his Denizen and save his fireflies!

As for Jade's, it's indeed hard to say. I thought they'd all be about terraforming, but Dave's seems to break this pattern. Maybe his Quest isn't what it seems - or maybe I was just wrong, and a Quest can be just about anything.

I don't think I'll be able to guess Jade's, since it'll involve the features of a Land we haven't yet seen. All I can say for sure is that it'll have something to do with Space.

Hell yes! This blog's hidden objective - to plug The Locked Tomb - is finally bearing fruit.

It's easy for Aradia to do what she does, because she ''knows'' that she could never have done anything else. 'Understanding' this lets her be reckless.

Once you can convince someone their choices don't matter, you can convince them to do whatever you want.

I prefer Prospit's aesthetics, but Derse's vibes. The Horrorterrors are a better suspicious patron than Skaia - at least they'll help me break the game.

That said, the official quiz assigned me Prospit. Maybe I misunderstand the moons - but from where I'm currently sitting, Derse is the better choice.

The question isn't whether Sburb would screw them over - it's how it would.

I like the idea that Sburb started with only Sprites, and slowly assimilated its victors into its later iterations.

Each Sburb species represents a video game trope, so I could see an aggressive species like the trolls as a border patrol. They're angry, aggressive NPCs who fly their warships around the Veil, making sure Players don't leave the session's boundaries. You're meant to avoid them, not fight them, and they're the bane of any Player who tries to get creative with the Furthest Ring.

Now, what kind of NPC would the humans be?

I'm not a fan of jumpscare horror, but psychological horror can be very interesting indeed.

I didn't expect the comedy meme man to be that good at instilling a sense of dread - but I shouldn't have been surprised. Horror and comedy tread a very fine line.

Thank you!!

This frame in particular is pretty unsettling. Jack never usually shows this much emotion, and you have to wonder if the Ring has gone to his head a little.

Anyway, if we're talking about aesthetics, my favorite area so far is the Battlefield. It's like a chessboard mixed with a Windows XP background, and it's gorgeous in Rise Up.

Neither have been used in the comic, so I'm just going with lusi for convenience's sake!

[tenaciouschronicler]

July 17 2024 2009

Allergies as killing me but not as much as Rose killed that landing.

Back to Dave and I gotta question his smarts a bit. As we established the projectile sword broke two panes of glass. How does he hope to fix that with gaffer tape? When you close the window later Surprise!, another hole!!

At least we get to talk with GG. I got a little tripped up at first because it says they started chatting at 18:36, which is 6:36. But we are in the past so how can that be? Simple. Dave is located two timezones ahead of John and the time is shown accordingly. This will help narrow down where Cool Kid might be located region wise.

Some notes about GG from their chat:

GG potentially uses more than one modus (kinda like John but on purpose)

precognitive abilites (???), knew John was gonna lose the server disc

has a pet named Bec, a 'devilbeast' according to Dave

does Not have a sister, has a grandfather throwing off the symmetry

After theyre done Dave grabs his phone (i=8).

Absolutely majestic.

FINALLY we get to see our boy JOHN!! I missed him so.

His room has become an even bigger mess witht he sheer amount of oil pooled on the floor, his bed seems to be a hotspot for whatever these things are.

Dave and John also get to have a conversation. Its... pretty enlightening...

TG: youre in some weird evil monster dimension come on

TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes

Didnt think Id see Dave as the voice of reason regarding the current situation.

EB: i just don't know why you think it's cool.

EB: his ventriloquist rapping thing.

TG: oh lil cal? no man

TG: lil cal is the shit

EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.

...im sorry. Bro does what??? Honey. Sweetie. Bless your heart, you cannot actually think rapping ventriloquism is legitimately cool. HOW do you even make that seem cool? I have a burning need to see this puppet named Lil Cal AND Daves Bro. Sir there are several levels of questions here and Im too high on allergy meds to unravel them.

Also what the hell is this thing?? And why is it dressed like a jester??

[rainbowspinch]

Things my partner and I have said about CTC characters, an ongoing draft

“Bill Danton is baby girl”

“Norman would love Disney Princesses”

“Jacob probably does many forms of art that most wouldn’t associate with him. Like he could design a house really well but people would go ‘that’s not a Jacob thing’”

“Jacob does sculpting. His housewarming gift to Norman when he moved next door was a middle finger statue.”

“When Norman went into his new house for the first time, he found all the statues Jacob had been storing in there of himself.”

“Tom’s got a touch of the ‘tism. Another one for the pit.”

“They’ve all got autism. In our world, autism is the default and you have to prove you’re allistic.”

“I like that he is a little fucked up.” (About the Ink Demon)

“Jane has slight shaken baby(adult?) syndrome. Bill shakes her with passion”

“It’s the discord kitten in him.” (About Bill Danton)

“I LOVE HOW MAN HE IS” (about someone else’s interpretation of Sammy)

“Certified boy holder” (about someone else’s interpretation of Sammy)

“The babies. He is So Ugly<3” (about the Tom plush)

“Allison would be a crystal girl in modern days. Susie would be one of the ones with a super complex skin-care routine”

“Do you think big Bendy accepts Sammy’s weird behaviour because he gives good tummy scratches”

“Susie would hate mullets. A lot of them would. Not Jacob.”

“Norman would fucking love the song Piano Man. He would sing that shit with heart.”

“Do you think Abby helped Richie through dealing with Dave’s death?”

“Sammy+Susie: the mean girls

Jack: the cat kid”

“Norman finally exercising his ice cream rights” (about a video of a man on a game show eating an entire pint of ice cream and then feeling sick afterwards)

“High school mean girls Susie and Sammy definitely practiced kissing together”

“Me: where would Jacob be from?

Rat: Ohio probably. Look at him”

“Me: Sammy. Is he British?

Rat: yes. He tries not to be”

“I literally spent $50 on this shirt because I looked at it and went “OOooOu Norman!””

“No arguments, Nice is a people pleaser. She wants to be Alice’s best pal ever, even if that means she has to commit to atrocious crimes” (about Malice Angel’s two different voices)

“Norman goes to a thrift shop and goes “ooooo for me”. Jacob goes to a thirft shop and goes “ooooo for Norman”. Strange gay things for a strange gay man”

“Got shoved in a locker for being a nerd” (about Grant)

“I can’t explain how, but the way you’re typing is Tom like” (about me calling crabs Big Boys, Tiny Boys, and then struggling to spell anemone, followed by “how the fuck do I spell this shit”)

“He loves almonds. Nut boy. Nut boy.” (About Norman)

“Kismesis. Mmm. Regret regret regret regret” (me regretting referring to something Homestuck related while talking about Prophet Sammy and Malice)

“Do u think Tom Boris cleans people. Like lick lick.”

“What’s more powerful then being nothing AND A WOMAN AT THE SAME TIME” (conceptualising nonbinary transfem Bertie)

“He looks like a Mangle” (about Bendy-Bot)

“Old Men that make Unexpectedly Nice Poetry” (about Henry and Norman)

“Bertie: You want meeee to come put of retirement to work on your silly little project? Do I get anything out if it?

Joey: I can give you a kiss-?

Bertie: *unimpressed*

Joey: I could get on my hands and knees and start crying

Bertie: that’d be a start” (Rat’s genius)

“His boyfriends wedding, he deserves that cake” (about Wally eating Tom and Allison’s wedding cake)

“Tom wouldn’t say blimey. ..I lie. I’m sorry.”

“Sammy Lawrence is Michael Bublé”

“Pfft- love his handbag” (about a picture of Sammy holding a light from BATDS)

“Richie has discord server mod vibes”

“Rosalia is not a discord kitten. She’s the actual mod, Richie just talks too much”

“Norman is a discord kitty for many many people to turn a profit”

“And Bill and Jane look like they eat humans and get away with it. But In a Endearing tumblr sexy man Sammy way”

“What the fuck is her” (about Slicer)

“Jack is catish”

“You know he’s ready to grab things and “what if you went in my mouth”” (about Ink Demon)

“Grant is autism.

He verbally stims (tick tick tick)

He enjoys math

Canonically He can’t understand when people don’t do things for money which I assume our Grant doesn’t get it either

Bad social skills

Resting bitch face

I say so???? So??? You can’t say I’m wrong???”

“I bet he’s never heard of a social cue in his life” (about Grant)

“Grant’s ‘Strange Money’ tape. He sounds like a self conscious southern 20-something year old that really doesn’t want to be southern. He sounds divorced. He sounds like his ex-wife is a lesbian.”

““Simmons I left something in the Hell Dimension can you get it for me” that’s on brand” (about Joey)

“Henry come on, respect your parents” (about Henry telling Abby to ‘get a better name’)

“Do you think their whole group has a thing for photos, Joey’s photo book, Carol hangs some up and Simmons just has them stuffed into random places, cup holder, under the seats, in his pillow, with the spoons”

“The moment you’re in Simmons’ house you’re walking on eggshells. There could be a jumpscare anywhere”

“Joey - a list of ways he handles the studio, to emphasise that he’s trying his best

Carol - a list of ways she handles being a secretary and a front desk lady, to emphasise that she’s good at her job

Simmons - what the fuck? What is he even doing here?”

“He/him (in the gay way)” (about Simmons)

“She’s actually 12 sea mines in a turtleneck sweater” (about Susie)

“Bald Sammy Lawrence and Skin Eyes Jacob”

“Fuck you [romantic]” (about Joey’s letter to Henry)

“Sammy keeping inky handprints from PJ on his overalls” (based on a picture of a cat leaving wet paw prints on a boot and calling it a little accessory)

“Enemies to lovers [obliviously]” (about Sammy and Susie)

“Do you think even as teenage mean girls beefing it out, Sammy and Susie were still crushing on each other”

“No idea who Eugene is but fuck Chef Buck”

“He is Brazilian I’ve decided, and Sally will be Greek” (about Andre and Sally Newt, when I was designing them)

“Rat: why does 30 years make my eyes green?

Me: Tism does that

Rat: Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman, Norman-“

“Bill is what happens when you forget about a middle child”

Edit: “Jacob and Norman definitely do drugs. Anything they can grow, they will take.”

“[scary[hot]]” (about Malice)

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Rose Lalonde

Act 5, page 2682

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

EB: hey rose!

TT: Hi.

EB: how are you doing? i don't even remember the last time we talked.

EB: i have been so busy.

EB: and it looks like you have been too.

EB: i mean, hopy shit!

EB: my house is HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

TT: Actually, building up your house has been one of the more trivial ways I've passed the time.

TT: Great swaths of the structure may be copied and pasted with little architectural consideration.

TT: I've only bothered to do so while in contemplation.

TT: It's relaxing.

EB: oh.

EB: well, it must have cost a fortune!

TT: We have a lot of grist.

EB: how much?

TT: I don't recall any hard figures off hand.

TT: Last I checked, more than a million units of several different types.

TT: Torrented between the three of us.

EB: torrented?

TT: Shared, through an application.

TT: I unlocked the disc from your registry, and deployed it.

TT: I convinced your nanna to install it on your computer.

TT: Before an imp threw it out the window, that is.

EB: you got her to do that? but she's an old lady! also, a ghost.

TT: My methods of persuasion have been improving.

EB: also, she is really tricky, and plays lots of pranks.

EB: did she try to prank you?

TT: No.

EB: huh.

EB: i guess you enjoyed the prankster's gambit on that exchange then.

TT: ?

EB: oh yeah...

EB: what's up with the alchemiter?

EB: it looks weird.

TT: Upgrades.

EB: did you get nanna to do that too?

TT: No, your consorts were utilized for that.

EB: the salamanders??

TT: Yes. They seem eager to receive simple instruction.

TT: I'm guessing they find their way back to your house to allow the client player to remain productive while the server player is away.

EB: they aren't very smart...

TT: No, they aren't.

EB: i'm surprised they even understand what to do.

TT: Like I said.

TT: Coercion hasn't been much of a problem.

EB: yeah...

EB: uh...

EB: what exactly does that mean?

EB: what have you been doing this whole time???

TT: Why don't you tell me what you've been up to first?

TT: I've been curious, but too preoccupied to inquire.

EB: well,

EB: i have been talking to a lot of trolls, for one thing.

EB: they sure are a talkative bunch!

TT: I've noticed.

EB: and then i cloned some slime babies in the veil.

TT: Did you?

EB: yes. um...

EB: ok, long story short is, jade is my slime clone sister, and dave is your slime clone brother, and we were all born today!

TT: Yes.

EB: yes?

TT: I figured that out.

EB: oh.

TT: Anything else?

EB: umm...

EB: then i fell asleep, and woke up on the battlefield.

EB: oh!

EB: rose, i am fairly sure i saw your mom!

TT: You did?

TT: Are you sure it was her?

EB: well, it was a nice and proper looking lady, with a pink scarf, so...

EB: i dunno, who else would that be!

TT: That was likely her.

TT: How was she?

EB: fine, i guess...

EB: she was with my dad.

TT: That's interesting.

EB: yeah!

TT: Did she seem happy?

EB: happy?

EB: wow, i dunno.

EB: i don't really know her well enough to say, i guess?

EB: plus, i was a little distracted.

EB: maybe i will find out next time i go to sleep.

TT: Fair enough.

EB: now stop being so spookily mysterious and tell me what you've been doing!

TT: Investigating, mostly.

EB: investigating what?

TT: Everything there is to investigate.

TT: Information hidden in the lore of our lands, concealed in ruins and riddles.

TT: I'm looking for whatever there is to discover about the game, and more importantly, whatever exceeds its boundaries.

TT: The cloaked traces of myth beyond its scope.

EB: its scope?

EB: oh, rose, did you know that we are supposed to be creating a universe with this game?

TT: Yes.

EB: i think that's pretty neat!

TT: It is, in principle.

TT: But it won't happen.

EB: so you believe the trolls then?

TT: It's not a matter of believing them.

TT: The writing is on the wall. Literally.

EB: it is?

TT: This session was never meant to bear fruit.

TT: It's barren, so to speak.

EB: that's a bit of a bummer!

EB: i am still skeptical about that, though.

TT: That's why you're our leader, John.

EB: huh?

TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is a defect not everyone is lucky enough to be cursed with.

EB: that's stupid.

EB: i'm not your leader, i am your FRIEND, there is a BIG difference!

TT: Statements like that are also why you're our leader.

EB: pff.

EB: laaaaaaaame.

TT: Yes, kind of.

EB: so, if you're sure that we are going to fail...

EB: what is the point of everything we're doing?

TT: Simple.

TT: The objective is no longer to win.

EB: um...

EB: i mean, what are we actually shooting for here?

TT: To do as much damage to the game as possible.

TT: To rip its stitches and pry answers from the seams.

TT: We will snatch purpose from the jaws of futility.

TT: Are you ready to wreak some havoc, John?

EB: i suddenly don't understand anything.

[mari-ocs]

Jamie/Jules Thoughts :D

Okay, so I picked Jules' birthday based on the date I first posted about her on Discord, which was 22nd July last year. I just remembered, that according to the really crappy-looking official art that's Jamie's driver's licence, his birthday is 2nd July. That means Jules' birthday would take place during the show's timeline!

I did a little bit of maths, and found that her birthday would take place during an episode, that episode being Episode 7 (T Minus/14 Days To Go). That's the episode where they find Layla and Frankie, meaning it's probably the best episode for Jules' birthday angst-wise.

Here are some of my thoughts, copied from the Mat Discord server!

So, I was thinking that with everything going on, what if… Jamie forgets what day it is?

Jules doesn't really blame him. Everything is so hectic, especially with finally tracking down Layla and Frankie. A silly thing like a birthday doesn't seem like it means much in times like this. That's why she doesn't say anything about it; well, that and she doesn't want him to feel bad for forgetting it.

In any other situation, she'd say something about it. Jules isn't afraid to talk about her feelings with Jamie, but she's got some Layla based insecurities. Layla’s presence terrifies her, makes her think of how she could lose Jamie at any moment.

Jules knows that all Jamie wants is to find out the truth, which she completely understands. If she were in his shoes, she'd want the exact same thing. But in the back of her mind, she's worrying; what if Jamie realises that he still loves Layla? The impending apocalypse is already bad enough without losing her husband.

All of her fears get worse when Jamie and Layla go off to have their talk. Dave and Jules stay behind to watch Frankie, and Dave can tell that Jules is in pain. Though she insists that she's fine, he manages to get the truth out of her. Jules breaks down as she tells Dave about everything that's worrying her, ending the list with the fact that it's her birthday and Jamie doesn't even remember.

Dave hugs her as she cries, and tells her that everything (at least with Jamie) is going to be okay. He knows that Jamie loves her, and only her. He never would have moved on from Layla if he didn't adore her beyond everything. Dave even spills Jamie's secret - that he'd been planning on proposing to her on his birthday. Of course that doesn't really matter now, since they got married on a whim in Scotland, but it does help alleviate her anxiety a bit. Still, she's scared.

It gets later, and Dave and Jules try to distract themselves by playing with Frankie. She's a wonderful kid, and she manages to keep Jules' mind off everything else that's worrying her. They're not expecting it when Ariel shows up. He knocks Dave out first, he never sees it coming. Jules puts up a bit more of a fight, not wanting to be responsible for her stepdaughter - she supposed that's what Frankie was now, right? - getting taken by her husband's insane brother.

But Ariel overpowers her and knocks her out too. Frankie's gone and there's nothing that Jules or Dave can do about it.

Jamie and Layla don't get back until morning, when they find Dave and Jules badly injured, with Frankie nowhere in sight.

I guess after that, everything goes like it does in that drabble I wrote, where Jamie (unknowingly) performs a miracle and saves Jules' life, except maybe he realises right then that it's her birthday and he missed it? Idk.

I'll have to also post that drabble that I mentioned, for context!!

[absurdthirst]

Home Invasion {Dave York x F!Reader x Marcus Pike}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: DUB-CON/NON-CON role play, guns, threats of violence/murder, forced sexual situation, fuck or die, oral sex (male receiving), fingering, vaginal sex, humiliation, derogatory language, anal fingering, anal sex, mlm sex, threesomes, oral sex (female receiving), cream pie, aftercare, use of daddy (like two times playfully)

Comments: An at home date turns into a nightmare when Marcus answers the door to find a gun in his face. Sent to kill a name on the list, Dave York toys with you to see if you can give him something he would want more than your boyfriend’s life. 

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

DEAD DOVE - DO NOT EAT : This work does contain subjects that might be disturbing to some. Please read and head warnings. As with all media, if it’s not to your taste, please bypass. 

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Nights in are magical, just you and Marcus that allow you to just focus on one another. There is not pausing conversation while the server brings courses or refills wine glasses. The music is always fitting the mood that you are crafting. It’s a wonderful way to wind down at the end of a stressful week. You and your lover, a nice meal with candles, a bottle of wine and the sexy little number that you were wearing under your dress for him to unwrap later on.

“Have I told you how good you look?” Marcus asks you, snagging you by the waist as you move to set the wine down, making you hum as you smile and lean in to press your lips to his. “Not in the past hour, but I want to hear it.” You tell him with a grin. He smirks back at you, knowing that it won’t be long until the two of you are heading upstairs to make love.

The doorbell rings, making you jump slightly in surprise. You weren’t expecting anyone, although you know that Mrs. Zimmerman next door would occasionally come by to ask ‘Markie’ if he would be so kind as to look at her toilet, it was running again. Always a slipped chain and the elderly widow was extremely grateful for a man’s help without having to call a handyman. “Go.” You kiss him one last time and pull away. “I’ll get the wine glasses.” You murmur, setting the bottle on the coffee table and walking into the kitchen. 

Marcus grins as he opens the door, excited to be spending time with you like this. You’ve both been so busy with work, he is excited to get you into bed. It’s been too long since he was able to make love to you, to take all night making you moan his name over and over again. As soon as Marcus opens the door, his smile falls. “Can I help you?” He asks the man standing at the door. 

“Yeah you can. Get the fuck inside and do not scream otherwise I’m gonna blow your brain out here and now.” Dave orders, gun aimed towards Marcus. “Inside. No sounds.” He orders, stepping into the house and closing the door behind him, flicking the lock with expert stealth.

“Babe? Who was it?” You come back through the door to the kitchen, holding two red wine glasses that fall from your hands and shatter on the hardwood floors when you see a man with a gun pointed in Marcus’s face. “Oh my god!” You gasp, instantly putting your hands up like Marcus has his, eyes widening in fright.

"Don't scream sweetheart. I will kill him and you would have to clean up parts of his brain. You don't want to do that, do you?" Dave tilts his head. 

You shake your head. "N-no." You are shaking and Dave smirks. 

"So here's what is gonna happen. I've been watching you have your little romantic night in, and I gotta admit it's sweet. Your boyfriend here though...he's in someone's bad books. They want him dead and they hired me to do that. Now, I am a reasonable man. The guy who hired me...he's a bit cheap. So I am prepared to bargain if you are, you can bargain for your lives. Now...what are you ready to offer me?" Dave asks calmly.

You are already trembling, trying to wrack your brain. “I- I have a f-few thousand in savings.” You offer. “My-my j-jewelry.” You will do anything, give him anything to make sure that both of you survived tonight. “Take it. I- I’ll transfer the money wherever you want.”

Dave scoffs, "money? I don't need money, baby. I have money. Besides, the hit on your pretty boyfriend here is for a lot more than a few thousand dollars and some trinkets. No...you're gonna have to do better than that." 

Marcus closes his eyes, "what about my house? My watch? I will - I will give it all to you. Don't do this. I- I am with the FBI. They will know I am missing if I'm dead and they will find you." Marcus threatens softly. 

"Hush." Dave growls, pushing the barrel of his gun against the other man's head. "I don't want your fucking house. I have a house, and as for the FBI? They would never be able to trace me. Now...what else can you offer me?"

The smirk on his face and the glint in the man’s eyes makes your blood run cold. You know what he means and you glance over at Marcus, lip trembling as you realize that you were probably going to die tonight. Or have to do something you have never imagined before. “Me!” You shout when he presses the silencer against your boyfriend’s temple just a bit harder and moves his head to the side. “You can have me.” You choke out.

Dave hums, keeping his gun pressed against Marcus’s head. “I guess you can try and make me change my mind about killing your boyfriend. Strip. Show me what you got and then I’ll decide if that’s a worthwhile trade.” Dave orders, tilting his gun towards you for a second. “I said strip.” He growls, turning the gun back on Marcus.

“B-both o-of us?” You squeal out, terrified and nearly about to faint. You had expected him to deny your offer outright but he wasn’t.

Dave shakes his head. “Just you, doll face. Don’t keep me waiting. I am not a patient man. I’ve already spent too much time here. I should’ve just sprayed your boyfriend's brains over the wall and been gone but you are too pretty to turn down. Strip and I won’t blow his brains out…yet.” Dave smirks.

You nod quickly, reaching back for the zipper of your dress to pull it down. “Baby, no-“ Marcus chokes out but the assassin growls, shoving the gun harder into his head. 

“Shut up or I will kill you now.” He hisses, making Marcus clamp his lips together but he looks at you with devastated eyes, telling you that you don’t have to do this. 

“I-I can’t let him kill you.” You explain, pulling the dress down and letting it pool at your feet to reveal the skimpy lingerie you had worn for Marcus.

Dave smirks, his dark eyes trailing down your barely covered body. “Was this for your little boyfriend? Oh honey. What a waste. Tell me…has he ever fucked you so hard you could barely walk the next day?” Dave asks and before you can respond, he continues. “Of course he hasn’t. He seems like the ‘love making type.’ Now…take the rest of it off. I want to see all of you.” He orders.

Your cheeks burn and your entire body heats up, but you reach behind you to unclasp your bra and let the straps slide down your arms as you free your breasts. Marcus inhales sharply, like he always does when he sees your tits and you try to concentrate on him rather than the man forcing you to do this. “All of it.” He insists, making you drop the bra and hook your fingers into your panties to peel them down your thighs.

Dave's dark eyes trail down your body, his cock hardening in his pants. "You're a lucky son of a bitch. I hope you eat that pretty little pussy every night like it deserves. Now sweetheart. Where's the bedroom? I want to see you spread out.”

You glance at the stairs. “U-up there.” You tell him, watching as he takes the gun off Marcus for a second and your heart hammers in your chest even harder as he points it at you. 

“Go on, and don’t think about running for any guns or a phone or your sweet little boyfriend here is just another unfortunate death.” He sends you a mockingly sympathetic look. “Damn crime rates are getting bad.” He huffs. “Go on.” He motions with the gun towards the stairs while keeping a grip on Marcus’s arm. “We are right behind you.”

Dave follows Marcus into the bedroom, seeing you standing there. Unsure of what to do. Dave soon solves that, pushing Marcus towards the chair in the corner. "You move. You die." He warns. Those dark eyes turn back towards you, and you whimper. "Now...you are going to be a good girl, and you are going to get down on your knees to suck my cock." Dave orders.

You actually feel a little relieved at that. Just a blow job? You can do that. Slowly walking towards him, you keep your eyes on the gun in his hand as he unbuckles his belt and flicks the button of his black tactical pants open. “No biting.” He warns you, dark eyes promising you wouldn’t like the consequences if you tried anything. 

“I w-won’t.” You promise, kneeling down in front of him and reaching for the zipper.

He watches you take his cock out, and he chuckles at the way your eyes widen. "You think you can take that?" He asks, chuckling at the tinge of fear in your eyes. You nod, knowing you have no choice, and you lean forward to wrap your lips around the head. He hisses at the feel of your hot mouth while you engulf him, and he looks over at Marcus. "Your girl is sucking my cock to save your life...better say thank you." Dave orders.

Marcus squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, nearly about to cry and opens them to watch you take this man’s cock deeper into your mouth. “I’m s-so s-sorry baby.“ He gasps out. “Thank you, you-I love you.” He assures you, wanting you to know that he won’t feel any differently about you after this. He’s kicking himself for having locked his gun away, from being caught so unaware that you are now in this position. Also trying to not focus on how scandalously erotic it is to watch, much to his horror and shame.

Dave groans, looking down at you as you take his cock deeper into your mouth. "She is a champ. Taking my cock like a good girl. Might just save your life...but maybe not. Unless you let me fuck her. I want to cum inside of her." Dave says as he reaches down with his gloved hand to squeeze your tit. "She's too cute to just let her swallow my cum. Want to feel how tight that little cunt is around my cock while you watch me fill her up."

“No.” Marcus shakes his head. “Don’t, please.” He begs. “There has to be something else.” He doesn’t want you to have to do that. Not for him, he’s not worth you letting this man violate you. He also knows that a dirty little secret of his would be revealed if that happened. He’s thought about you fucking another guy while he watched but never under these circumstances.

You pull off of his cock, shaking your head. “Please don’t. I don’t - I’ll do anything but don’t make me do that.” You plead. Dave huffs, clicking the safety of his gun and aiming it towards Marcus. “You want to rethink that princess? Otherwise his head is gonna be blown off in five…four…three…two…-” 

You scream, “I’ll do it! I’ll do it. Just don’t - please don’t hurt him.” You beg. 

“Good girl. Now…go lay down and let me fuck you.” He orders, clicking the safety but not lowering the gun.

You shake your head when Marcus goes to jump up from the chair and the man who is holding you hostage wings his gun back towards you and thunders, “take a step and I put a bullet in her head and make you watch me fuck her corpse.” Marcus freezes and smirking, the assassin chuckles as he raises a brow at you. “Looks like your boyfriend wants you to live for now, princess.” He coos, turning around to Marcus and narrows his eyes at him. “Come over here, I want you to get a good view of how you should be fucking this woman.” 

Marcus nods, shaking slightly as he makes his way over to the bed. Dave smacks your ass as you kneel on the bed. “You want it from behind, sweetheart?” He chuckles, reaching down to cup your cunt, humming in appreciation at the wetness that drips into his palm. “Oh. Bad news for you, pal. She fucking loves this.”

You gasp when he roughly shoves two fingers inside you, making your hips lurch forward and you bite down on your lip to try to keep from crying out. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction, even though your cunt is loving the way that he’s touching you. Squeezing down around him and heat floods your core, soaking him with another wave of arousal to make the slide of his fingers even easier. You clench your eyes closed, not wanting to see the heartbreak on your boyfriend’s face. 

Marcus watches, both in horror and rapture. His cock twitching in his briefs and he knows it’s so wrong to be turned on by this. His adrenaline is high, blood pumping, and he watches Dave withdraw his fingers. He shoves them into his mouth, groaning at how you taste. “Fuck baby. You taste good, almost too good to kill you.” He grips his cock with his saliva soaked gloved hand. Guiding himself to your cunt, he watches Marcus’s face as he pushes inside of you, stretching your tight little cunt.

You can’t help the small whimper that escapes your lips. He’s thicker than Marcus, stretching you out with a slight pinch and your shoulders round and your head drops. Gripping him tight and pulling him in deeper when your walls constrict around his cock. You shouldn’t be reacting this way, you should be sobbing and trying to reject him but your body is accepting him easily, taking him to the hilt until you feel the sharp poke of his belt buckle against your ass. 

Dave grins, loving how tight you are around him, and he turns to look at Marcus. “Look at your girl. Taking my cock to save your life. I’m gonna fuck her so hard she won’t be able to walk. If you don’t behave, she won’t have to worry about walking tomorrow.” Dave promises, bringing his gun up to press it against your temple. “Fuck yourself on my cock, pretty girl. I know you want to. I can feel how fucking wet you are.”

The moan you make is loud, lusty and you are thoroughly ashamed of it as your ass slaps back against his pelvis, grinding back on his cock and feeling the rough texture of his pants against the back of your thighs. You swear that you can smell a whiff of gunpowder from the silencer pressed against your throbbing temple. Had he killed someone before coming here? Was Marcus just one on a list of people he was supposed to murder before the night was over? You know you have to make sure he is satisfied, otherwise you and your boyfriend might not survive. 

Dave grunts, his free hand gripping your hip, helping you rock back onto his cock. “She’s loving this. How does that make you feel Marcus?” Dave asks, his eyes dipping down to the tent in Marcus’s pants, his cheeks bright red with embarrassment that he’s turned on by this. “Oh he likes it. Look how hard your boyfriend is, sweetheart. He loves seeing you get fucked by another man.” Dave chuckles, slamming his cock into you when you rock forward.

You cry out, half in surprise at the notion that Marcus is turned on and half because the man inside you punches deep, hitting a spot inside you that makes your toes curl even as a flash of pain sweeps through your system. “Strip off.” He orders Marcus. “Show your girlfriend how painfully hard your cock is from watching her get fucked under duress.”

Marcus hesitates, beyond mortified, but as soon as Dave pushes the gun against your head even more, Marcus is shifting off of the bed so he can strip off his clothes. His hard cock bounces as he kicks his pants aside, and you whimper, wanting to reach out and help him but you dare not move when Dave has his gun pressed against your head still. “Mmm someone is enjoying watching you get fucked by another man.”

The way that his skin blushes hotly, flushing his chest and you seem him worry his bottom lip. He’s embarrassed and you want to tell him that you can talk about it later, but you don’t, not certain if you have a later to worry about. He chuckles, watching the way Marcus tries to cover his hard cock with his hands. “Don’t hide it.” He tells him. “I want to see the precum drip as a fuck your girl.” 

Dave smacks you on the ass, telling you to move again. "Come on, baby. Make yourself cum on my cock. I know you want to. Your boyfriend wants that too. Come on. Cum for him." Dave orders, thrusting deep, and he watches Marcus give in when he wraps his hand around his hard cock.

You try to keep your eyes on Marcus, on the way that his hand is moving over his cock and you imagine that he’s inside you. Rocking your hips back and letting out a small moan when you clench around the cock inside you and he twitches against that special little spot inside you. “Fuck.” You whisper, wondering why you aren’t more disgusting with yourself and your boyfriend. 

Dave groans when you clamp down on his cock, soaking him with your cum. He gasps when your cum splatters on his thighs, and he grins. "Well look at that. She fucking squirted. She loved it. Loves being fucked by her killer." Dave chuckles and you barely notice his choice of words. Marcus groans, pre-cum dribbling onto his fingers, and Dave notices. "You are turned on by this. So you're going to suck my cock, suck her cum off of it. Otherwise I am going to shoot you." Dave threatens, pulling out of you.

You whine when he pulls out of you, collapsing forward on the bed and Marcus shuffles forward, his face red and he reluctantly sinks down to his knees in front of the man. Glaring up at him for the hell he is putting both of you through. “Just kill me if you’re going to do it.” Marcus growls. “Just don’t kill her.”

Dave tuts, lifting Marcus's chin with the barrel of the gun. "Now now. Don't make me decide just yet. You might be able to save yourselves if you please me. I am a reasonable man. Be a good boy and suck my cock. Then I might decide to not kill you or the princess over there." Dave hums, gripping his cock and guiding it to Marcus's mouth.

Dave hisses at the feeling, looking down at Marcus as he takes Dave's cock even deeper into his mouth. "Jesus." Dave hisses, "you sucking cock in the FBI locker room, Marcus? You know what you're doing. Fuck sweetheart." His dark eyes flick up to look at you, "your boyfriend knows what he's doing. He has definitely sucked a cock before. Hell, he's enjoying it." Dave chuckles breathlessly, pressing his boot onto Marcus's hard cock.

Marcus whines and his hips lift, shamelessly seeking the friction the other man is offering with his foot. He knows you are probably shocked and disgusted, but he can’t care right now. Trying to do whatever this man wants to hopefully keep you alive. Even if you might leave him after this. Marcus takes a breath, pushing the thick cock down his throat to demonstrate his lack of gag reflex. 

Dave groans, loving how wrecked Marcus looks. His brown eyes water, and Dave cups his cheek. "You look so handsome with my cock in your mouth. I want more though. I want to fuck your ass while you lick that pretty girl's pussy. I want you both to have some pleasure before I...if I kill you." Dave amends, pulling his cock out of Marcus's mouth.

Your eyes widen, noticing that Marcus isn’t putting up much of a protest. Your cunt clenches at you feel guilty at the thrill of arousal that shoots through you at the idea of watching Marcus get fucked. “Th-there’s lube in the nightstand.” You offer, knowing that it would be painful if he doesn’t use it. “No gun in there.” You promise, knowing he would be wary of a trick. 

Dave gestures for you to get the lube, aiming his gun at you. “Come on. Hands and knees, pretty boy.” Dave orders, and Marcus shuffles onto all fours. Dave takes the lube from you, squirting it onto his gloved hand, and he rubs Marcus’s puckered hole. “Fuck.” Marcus hisses, his eyes closing before they open to meet yours. Dave slowly pushes one finger into Marcus, feeling how tight he is already. 

“Oh I’m gonna enjoy fucking you.” Dave chuckles.

You bite your lip, watching Marcus’s eyes go slightly glassy and his mouth drops open on a small moan. “Watch your boyfriend take my cock.” The man orders you, not like you would be able to take your eyes off the sight. He pulls his fingers out of Marcus after a few moments and slaps his ass before he shuffles closer, pressing the mushroomed tip of his cock against your boyfriend’s asshole.

Marcus groans, pushing back against Dave’s cock. “Jesus.” He hisses, unable to believe how full he feels. His cock twitching, and Dave looks at you. “Lay down, pretty girl. Let him eat you out or fuck you. I want to watch your face when you cum again.” He orders, thrusting deep into Marcus’s ass.

It’s a little shameful how eagerly you obey the order, laying down in front of Marcus’s face and wiggling down so he can fuck you. Your legs draped over his thighs and Dave grabs your calves and pulls you down farther. “Eager little slut.” He mocks. “This isn’t your boyfriend’s first time taking a cock. He’s not whining and crying in pain.” He tells you as he thrusts deep into Marcus again, pulling another loud moan out of him as a drop of precum splatters over your belly. “Bet you didn’t know that.”

Marcus whines, “fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” He groans, his cock twitching against your stomach. You reach down and grip his cock, positioning him at your folds, and he pushes inside of you with a grunt. He can’t believe how he feels, full of Dave’s cock, and he thrusts into you in time with Dave’s thrusts into your boyfriend. “Oh he loves it. Look at him. Fucking loves this.” Dave chuckles breathlessly.

You moan, looking up into his face, watching the way his expression is purely blissed out. Reaching up, you caress his neck and his dark eyes open up, looking down at you and groaning again when the man behind him pushes deep and grinds him into you. Your walls flutter and you feel the assassin's hands on your knees, gripping them and using them as leverage to get even deeper. “Oh fuck.” You whimper, Marcus twitching inside you.

“Tell me it feels good.” Dave orders, thrusting his hips, and Marcus whines, “feels - fuck - feels so good. So damn good.” He admits, hating that this feels so incredible. The man has threatened to kill him and yet here he is balls deep inside of him. 

“Oh fuck.” You moan, watching the other man’s face as he thrusts, neck muscles strained.

There is a delicious wickedness to this. Marcus looks like he’s about to combust, his own face strained and eyes fluttering closed in pleasure while the man who had forced his way into your house at gunpoint pushes against his prostate. “I love you.” You promise Marcus, reaching up to caress his face. You don’t want to miss an opportunity to tell him if things don’t go right afterwards. 

Marcus leans down to press his lips against yours, murmuring ‘I love you’ before he slides his tongue into your mouth. He’s desperate to show you how much he loves you. He doesn’t know what is going to happen next, if the assassin will kill him. He mentally prepared for that. He doesn’t want you to be killed because of him. He’s accepted his fate. Marcus is going to focus on you, on making you feel good, and for him to feel good. “Fuck.” He hisses, rocking back onto Dave as he pulls out of you.

Whining has Marcus shushing you. “I want to eat your pussy.” He begs, making you scramble up to where he can lean down and devour your cunt while the man behind him continues to rock into him steadily. Crying out at the first swipe of his tongue through your folds, your fingers bury themselves into his short hair and you tilt your head back in pleasure. “Oh fuck, oh fuck baby.” You close your eyes and pretend that it’s just the two of you. Your boyfriend is eating you out like he would have no doubt done if he hadn’t answered the door. 

Dave grabs the back of Marcus’s head, pushing him further into your folds, and he clenches his jaw, getting close to his orgasm. “I’m gonna cum. Gonna fill your little boyfriend up with my cum, and then I’m gonna watch it drip from his ass while he makes you cum.” Dave chuckles breathlessly, exhaling sharply through his nose, and it only takes a half dozen thrusts before he cums, burying his cock deep and filling Marcus up.

Your cunt absorbs the delicious moan that Marcus breathes into it. Making you keen as you watch the man’s eyes flutter closed and his own groan breaks out over the room. Marcus laps into you, eager to make you cum and you feel him whine when a hand is wrapped around his cock and starts jerking him off, the killer’s cock still buried inside him as he leans over his back. 

"Cum for me pretty boy, want you to cum over your sheets like the greedy little slut you are." Dave orders, twisting his wrist as he jerks Marcus's cock. "That's it. Lick that little cunt and cum for me." Dave growls, biting down on Marcus's shoulder. You whine, rocking your hips up as Marcus sucks on your clit, and he is so damn close.

Your fingers rip at his hair and your hips buck up as you cum. Crying out so loud it rings in your ears, your body lurches in pleasure as hot waves crash over you at the sucking of his mouth on your clit. “Marcus!”

When Marcus hears you cum, he can't help but find his own release. He cums, his seed spurting over your calves and the sheets, his own stomach. It's a lot. He lets out a choke, unable to believe how incredible this feels. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He pants, resting his head on your lower stomach.

You barely have a moment to relax in the bliss of your orgasm before you open your eyes, hearing Marcus cry out softly. The cock buried deep inside him being pulled out and the man who has threatened your lives staring at both of you, his eyes roaming over the way that Marcus is still on display, his seed dripping out of him.

Dave caresses Marcus’s ass, impressed by his willingness to do what it takes to save his life. “Close your eyes.” Dave orders. 

“What?” Marcus almost slurs, so overwhelmed with pleasure. 

“Close your fucking eyes.” Dave orders. You close them, following his demand and Marcus soon follows, closing his eyes. Dave shuffles off of the bed, tucking himself back into his pants. He disappears into the bathroom and comes back a few moments later with two wet washcloths. He taps your shoulder, holding one out towards you. “Here you go, sweetheart. Time to clean up before you sleep.” Dave offers.

You smile up at Dave, beckoning to come down and press his lips to yours softly. You slip your tongue into his mouth and deepen the kiss for a moment before you pull away. “Thank you, baby.” You murmur, not just for the washcloth but for indulging in this little roleplay. “Take care of our boy.” You smirk over at where Marcus is still on his knees and resting his head on your hip. “I think he’s wanting some aftercare.” 

Dave walks over and bends down to kiss Marcus’s shoulder. He grabs the other wash cloth and gently cleans him up, helping him to lay down on his back. “You did so good, baby.” Dave murmurs, kissing Marcus softly.

Marcus chuckles, reaching up and running his fingers through Dave’s hair. “You did good.” He tells him. “It was hot, seeing you like that. We didn’t even need the safewords.” He knows that Dave has done things, but it was different seeing the man that the two of you love look at you like you are strangers. “Strip and lay down with us.”

Dave shuffles off of the bed, quickly stripping out of his black clothings, kicking his boots aside, and he groans as he lays down on the bed, pulling Marcus into his side before he turns his head so he can press his lips to yours. “Love you both so much.” He murmurs, caressing your cheek.

You quickly curl into his side, reaching over his chest and caressing Marcus’s shoulder. The three of you tangled together is exactly where you like to be. “Love you too, baby.” You turn your head and kiss an old wound on his chest as you giggle. “Murder daddy.” You coo, playfully. “That’s what I was thinking when I walked into the living room.” You tell him. Marcus snorts in amusement at your comment. 

“You enjoyed it then?” He asks, and Marcus nods. 

“Loved it, baby.” He murmurs, caressing his cheek, and leans forward to peck Dave’s lips. 

“I still want to fuck you later.” Dave tells you, and you giggle. 

“Okay daddy.” You tease and he growls. 

“Next time…I want to role play an FBI raid.” Marcus smirks, wanting to be in control. 

“Next time, baby. Next time.” Dave promises, knowing that this is going to be a reoccurring thing. He can’t wait.

MasterList

[the-bau-quinjet]

Secret's Out

Summary: Request! Reid and Y/N are secretly dating, but their business doesn't stay their business for long.

Warnings: Criminal Minds level violence

Word Count: 2974

a/n: Thank you for the request! I hope you like it :)

Sorry this took forever! It took me a while to think of case details that I liked and then I kept rewriting parts. I think I'm finally happy with it though!

Masterlist

"Spencer!" You pushed him away. "The doors could open at any moment! How are we supposed to keep this a secret if Morgan walks in on us kissing in the elevator?" You raised a brow at him.

"On average, elevators travel at a speed of 200 ft/min or about 4 seconds per floor. Being on the fifth floor means we have about 20 seconds to ourselves." He smiled triumphantly.

"Yeah, until someone surprises us on floor 3." You rolled your eyes, stepping out of the doors once they opened.

"I can't help it. I'm just... really happy with you." He whispered softly.

"I'm really happy too." You smiled at him. You were about to lean in when the elevator doors opened once again to reveal JJ and Emily.

"Hey guys, ready for another case?" Emily glanced between you suspiciously, but thankfully didn't ask any prying questions.

"Yep, let's go!" You turned quickly, walking into the round table room without so much as a glance back at the three agents by the elevator.

"What's with her?" JJ questioned.

"Said she didn't sleep well last night. Must be all the caffeine." He held his own cup off coffee up in solidarity before also walking to the round table room.

"Alright, we've got 3 dead in Billings, Montana. All three were law enforcement, and all three were found this morning around the city." You listened as Penelope introduced the details of the case.

"Could be someone who feels the police didn't do a good enough job protecting a loved one?" You threw out a theory.

"Or someone who feels wronged by the criminal justice system as a whole." Rossi added on.

"Either way, they likely won't stop until we catch them. Wheels up in 20." Hotch rose from his seat as he spoke, wasting no time in preparing for take off.

You all dispersed briefly to grab your go bags, meeting back at the SUVs to head to the jet.

Once boarded, it didn't take long for the conversation to start up again.

"When we land, L/N go to the morgue. Dave, Prentiss take the first and second crime scenes, they're only a mile apart. Morgan and Reid, check out the third scene. I'll head to the precinct with JJ."

With Hotch's instructions set, you took what little time you had left on the flight to go over the causes of death.

-

"Anything stand out to you on the bodies?" You asked the ME after going over the blunt force trauma and bullet wounds.

"There's tape residue and bruising on the wrists and ankles. Based on the state of bruising, they were likely held for about 3 days before they were killed."

"Thank you for your help." You shook hands, pulling out your phone to call Hotch.

"Hotchner."

"Hotch, they were held for days before they were killed. How did nobody notice they were missing?" There was nothing in the reports that indicated the victims were reported missing prior to being found.

"We just found the same pattern. They all used vacation days for various reasons in the days leading up to their deaths. Meet us back at the precinct and Reid can explain the whole pattern."

"Okay, I'm leaving now." You hung up just as you reached the SUV. Throughout the drive, you couldn't stop thinking that something wasn't adding up.

The victims were taken in the same day. It didn't make sense for the unsub not to escalate. So, why aren't any officers unaccounted for?

Suddenly, a truck crashed into your SUV, sending you flying off the road. A figure dressed in black opened the door and dragged you from the car.

"Agent L/N, it's so good to see you again." A male voice spoke, but you couldn't place it.

He hit you over the head with a handgun before dragging you to his own vehicle.

-

"Where's L/N?" Emily questioned when her and Rossi returned from the second dumpsite.

"On her way back from the ME." Hotch answered. "Did you find anything useful?"

"They truly are dumpsites. Both bodies were found by dumpsters, sending a pretty clear message." Dave replied.

"Same for the third site." Derek added on.

"All three victims were single and took time off leading up to their death. Nobody would've notice that they were missing until it was too late." Reid supplied the final bit of information gathered.

Hotch's phone rang before anyone else could comment. The frantic sound of Garcia's nails clicking against her keyboard echoed through the phone. She was talking before anyone could greet her.

"You need to see this, check your tablets."

Confused glances were exchanged as everyone, barring Reid, opened their tablets. Reid glanced over Morgan's shoulder to observe as well.

A seemingly live video that Garcia received a link to was streaming to the tablets.

A single woman sitting in a chair could be seen in the frame. Her wrists and ankles were bound to the chair with thick, gray tape and a bag was over her head.

"Garcia, what is this?" Hotch asked almost immediately.

"I was emailed the link just now. It's not streaming anywhere else online." Her reply came quickly, the sound of typing still filling in the silence.

"Can you trace it?" Rossi questioned.

"I'm trying, but it's being routed through multiple proxy servers."

"Did the email say anything?" Emily chimed in.

"No, it was just the link- Wait. I just got another email." She paused as the new email loaded. "It's addressed to Reid."

Every set of eyes in the room turned to Reid.

"What does it say?" He felt the nerves beginning to grow waiting for Garcia to read the words aloud.

"Dr. Reid,

I hope you remember me. What am I saying, of course you do. I've got something of yours that you might want back. You see Dr. Reid, you and your team ruined me. My family, my career, all of it, just gone. I thought I'd return the favor. A person's phone can be so informative. Tell me, does your team know about your girlfriend? I've so enjoyed getting reacquainted with her.

Happy hunting."

Spencer's face went white as he looked at Morgan's tablet again. His thoughts were racing. How did he not recognize you before? Even with the bag over your head, he should've known it was you.

"It's her." His words were barely a whisper.

"This is your girlfriend?" Morgan gestured to the screen again. Spencer could only nod in reply, his mind unable to focus on anything except you.

"Reid, listen to me. You've got to tell us everything you know about her. We'll have to split up. You can go back to Quantico with Emily and Morgan, the rest of us will stay here to work on our current case." Hotch was already devising a strategy to work both cases.

"There's no need." His words made sense to him, but sounded cryptic to the rest of the team.

"Kid, of course there is. We'll help you get her back." Morgan placed a hand on his shoulder, effectively shocking him back to the present situation.

"There's no need to split up because she's here. She's in Montana." Before he could continue, everyone was asking questions.

"Give me a phone number and I'll get you a location." Garcia was already typing away again.

"Are you sure she's here?" JJ's brows furrowed. She did her best to hide the hurt of her best friend hiding his girlfriend from her, again.

"Why would she be here?" Rossi added.

"How did she get here? Maybe we can track the transportation and figure out means of abduction." Emily was the only one thinking about the case.

Like ripping off a bandaid, Spencer blurted out the truth.

"It's Y/N."

He was met with silence in the room as everyone absorbed the information.

Garcia caught up first, a sudden gasp sounding through the phone.

"So, then that's Y/N... in the video..." Her voice wavered.

As if a switch was flipped, the team was back on the case.

"Garcia, get me a list of anyone who would have a grievance with the team." Hotch ordered.

"Go through anyone who was falsely accused. Start with cases in or around Montana. He would want to keep this close to home." Rossi specified.

"We've only had one case in Montana since Y/N joined the team." Reid supplied the knowledge as it came to him. "A name, I need a name." He muttered to himself, pulling his hair as he roughly ran his hands through it and over his face. "Garcia, look into Jameson Braddock."

"Got it." She immediately began a background check, searching through case files and news articles for additional information. "i'll get back to you with locations." With that, she hung up.

"Fill us in, kid. Who is Jameson Braddock." Morgan lead Reid to a chair, gently easing him into it.

"Our last case in Montana, Emily and I went to interview a witness." Emily nodded, the memories slowly coming back to her.

"He wasn't very forthcoming, and then he tried to run." She added on.

"Exactly, except he didn't make it very fair. We arrested him, but it turned out he was only guilty of selling alcohol to minors. When word of his arrest got out, the whole town thought it was for the serial rapes and murders we were investigating even though it was never confirmed."

"By the time we corrected the media, it was too late." JJ supplied, also remembering the man.

"So, he killed three officers just to draw us out back out here?" Morgan refocused the conversation on the current case.

"It looks that way now. The media knew we were coming, so he must have as well." Emily theororized. "If he followed us from the airport, he would've seen Y/N leave by herself."

"He likely didn't know about your relationship until he abducted her and went through her phone." Hotch paced the room.

"He's flaunting his power over us." Rossi chimed in just as Hotch's phone rang again.

"Garcia, what've you got?"

"Three addresses in Billings, Montana. Jameson Braddock has been on a downward spiral since your last trip there. His entire life fell apart, like he said. Divorced, his wife moved to Nebraska with their two kids. He lost his job at the high school, and was evicted from his house when he could no longer pay the bills." She listed the information quickly.

"He has ties to three addresses. Nobody has moved into his previous house, so it's vacant. He's got a small apartment in the northern part of the city which he pays for through working odd hours at Taco Bell. Finally, he briefly worked security at a now abandoned warehouse."

"An apartment wouldn't be enough space to hold her without the chance of someone hearing. She's not there." Rossi eliminated the location as an option.

"We'll split up to cover the warehouse and the house-" Hotch began, but Reid cut him off.

"No, we shouldn't split up. She's got to be at the house. The warehouse has no connection to his previous life. He wants revenge for our perceived wrongdoing, he wouldn't make his last stand at a new location." Reid was already putting on a bullet proof vest. Despite how his mind was racing, he refused to show how afraid he was.

"You're sure?" Morgan asked, on the fence about committing to one location.

"Absolutely." With that, Reid was out the door heading for the SUVs.

-

"Rossi, Emily head around back. I'll take the front with Reid. JJ and Morgan, the side door." Hotch instructed the team to split up upon arrival at the house.

Reid wasted no time in approaching the house. He was confident you were inside, but he didn't know what was happening to you.

The main floor was cleared quickly. Again, the team split up to cover the upper level and the basement.

Knowing you were likely downstairs, Reid immediately started that direction, JJ and Hotch following him.

It wasn't hard for him to find you. You were still tied to the chair in the middle of the room, bag over your head.

Before anyone could stop him, Reid lowered his gun and ran to you. He gently maneuvered the bag off your head, stopping his movements only when he felt something press into his back.

"Dr. Reid. So kind of you to join us." Braddock spoke maniacally, pressing the gun against Reid's head.

"Drop your weapon." Hotch commanded, but the man only cackled in response.

'Y/N... Y/N." Reid gently shook you in an attempt to wake you up.

"She can't hear you." Braddock singsonged.

"What did you do?" Reid tried to turn to him only to feel the gun press further into his head.

"Like I said in my email, you people ruined my life. They took everything from me, so I thought I'd try to return the favor." During his short speech, Braddock shifted just enough for JJ to get a clean shot.

He fell to the ground, gun clattering across the floor.

Reid moved quickly to remove the tape binding you to the chair while Hotch called for a medic in the basement.

The entire team watched as you were wheeled into the ambulance, still unconscious, none more scared than Spencer.

-

"She's going to be fine, Spence." JJ tried to reassure him, nonetheless his pacing continued.

"You don't know that. We don't even know what he did to her." He had one hand anxiously running through his hair, the other pinching the bridge of his nose in distress.

Just then, a doctor emerged from behind closed doors.

"F/N L/N." She called into the waiting room, slightly taken aback when the group of agents rushed to her.

"It was touch and go for a while, but she got here just in time." It was visible to even the least qualified profiler how relieved the team felt. Their previously tense shoulders relaxed, frowns turned to small smiles, wide eyes and raised brows pinched together with joy.

"What happened?" Emily posed the question everyone was thinking.

"In short, she was drugged. It's not clear what exactly was used, but it was likely a mix of drugs that attempted to stop her heart."

"Can we see her?" Morgan spoke next, cautiously eyeing Reid.

"You may, follow me." The doctor lead them through a series of hallways to your room. "She should be waking up soon."

With that the doctor left, allowing the team to file into the room. You looked strangely peaceful for someone who almost died.

"So..." JJ glanced between you and Spencer. "Girlfriend, huh?"

His eyes went wide. Instinctively, he turned to you for help, but you were still asleep. He opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out.

"Relax, kid." Morgan grinned. "We're happy as long as you two are happy."

Spencer smiled gratefully, looking at you with an adoring gaze. "We are happy."

"How long?' Emily gestured to your joined hands. Just before Spencer could answer, you groaned.

"I want to hear your guesses first." Your voice was raspy, but there was a clear smile on your face. "Also, what happened?"

The quickly explained the email Garcia received and the events that followed.

"Now that that's cleared up, do tell us how long you think we've been together. I know you've got a bet going." You narrowed your eyes, playfully glaring at each team member.

"4 months." Hotch begrudgingly admitted. JJ followed with 3 months, Derek and Rossi both betting 10 weeks, and Emily going with 6 weeks.

"Ha, you're all wrong." You smiled triumphantly, leaning closer to Spencer.

"Wait, we haven't heard from Garcia." Derek smirked as he rung her on speaker phone.

"Oh, my beautiful crime fighters. Y/N, are you okay?" Your smile widened at the concern in her voice.

"I am indeed, but I have a very important question for you." You glanced as Spencer briefly before continuing. "How long do you think Spence and I have been together?"

"Oh, I know this one!" Her excitement caught everyone but you off guard. "7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days."

Spencer's jaw dropped as he stuttered out, "that's exactly right..."

"How'd you figure it out?" The group of profilers wore matching expressions of surprise as Penelope explained.

"Well, we had just finished testifying in the Bigelow trial. The whole team went out for drinks, and I could just see it in Y/N's eyes the next day that something wonderful happened. At first I just thought that she got some, but then I saw her and the good doctor in the kitchen getting coffee and I knew." Penelope's voice held a mixture of smugness and pure excitement.

"Babygirl, you didn't tell me?" Derek sounded genuinely offended.

"Y/N asked me not to." Even though you couldn't see her, you knew she punctuated the statement with a shrug.

"You knew, she knew?" Spencer turned to you in shock.

You nodded. "I could see it on her face the second I walked out of the kitchen. But she promised not to tell, so I didn't either."

"The two of you, thick as thieves." Rossi lamented.

"I love you so much." Spencer whispered into your ear as he pulled you in for a hug.

"I love you too." You whispered right back.

"Honestly, I'm glad the secret's out." You smiled at Spencer before looking at the rest of the team. "Although, I wish I didn't have to be kidnapped to tell you."

You spent a few more hours in the hospital before being cleared to go back to the hotel.

The next morning, you smiled to yourself as you were finally able to cuddle with Spencer during the flight home.

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

Criminal Minds taglist:

@mac99martin

@goldeng1rl8

@measure-in-pain

[sequinsmile-x]

CONGRATS ON 300!! You and your writing can only be described as sunshine. No questions asked!!!

I have a head canon that Emily taught Aaron explicit phrases in French but I also want to see a “are you jealous” fanfic from the prompt list. Maybe a combo?

Thank you!! <3

I also had another anon for "Are you jealous" so this is also for you!

Words: 830

Warnings: cursing, Aaron speaking in French (I feel like this deserves a warning label) suggestive language (if you translate the French haha)

Disclaimer - I did use an online translator for the French, so I apologise in advance for any inaccuracies!!

Emily knew she was being unreasonable. She trusted Aaron wholeheartedly, she knew he only had eyes for her. That he was so ridiculously in love with her he probably didn’t even realise that the pretty blonde server from the catering company Dave had hired was flirting with him. He wouldn’t notice the way her hand unnecessarily touched his arm as he took an appetiser from the tray she was holding, or the way she laughed at everything he said.

It was unreasonable, but she was furious.

He was hers. They loved each other. They owned a house together. They were engaged.

Emily hears the laugh of the server in question from across the room and narrows her eyes, grasping her glass of champagne a little tighter as she uses all of her self control to not walk over and hit the pretty blonde girl in the face. Specifically with her left hand so her ring left a mark.

“You’re going to grind your teeth down if you keep that up.”

She turns to see Dave standing next to her, a grin on his face that makes her roll her eyes at him, taking a sip of her drink as she does so.

“Don’t you have guests to entertain?” She asks, completely disregarding that he had spoken at all.

“What? And leave my own free entertainment here?” He replies, smirking at her.

“Shut the fuck up, Dave.” Emily says, knocking back the rest of her champagne and putting the empty glass down.

“You know he probably hasn’t even realised she’s flirting with him right?”

Both of them look back over at Aaron, and they see how his gaze flits over to Emily, a smile on his face as their eyes meet.

“I do know that.” Emily says, not missing the slightly petulant tone in her own voice. She turns back to look at Dave. “I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it though. You do know this is your fault, right?”

Dave frowns. “And why is that?”

“You made this thing black tie,” she replies, gesturing around the ballroom, everyone dressed to impress, “he looks great in a tux.”

Dave smirks at her again, but before she can tell him off for it she feels a familiar arm wrap around her waist from behind, his large palm resting over her stomach and hip.

“You look amazing tonight too, sweetheart.” Aaron says, his lips against her temple for a kiss. She turns her head to look at him, her smile wide as she leans up to kiss him properly, her palm against his cheek.

“I think I preferred it when you guys were pretending you didn’t love each other.” Dave quips, making them pull apart and look over at him. “At least then I didn’t have to watch this all the time.” He winks at them and picks up his drink, walking away to leave them alone.

“So,” Aaron says, turning her so she was facing him, his hands firm at her lower back, “why were you looking like you were planning that poor girl’s murder from across the room?” He smiles at her. “Are you jealous?”

“No.” She says too quickly, sighing when he raises an eyebrow at her. “Yes.” Emily rolls her eyes at his obliviousness, and she hooks her arms around his neck, her nails scratching at his hairline. “She was flirting with you, Aaron.”

“No she wasn’t.” He replies, his eyebrows creased in a way that would drive her crazy if she didn’t find it so adorable.

“She was.” She grumbles, looking over his shoulder to see if she could still see the woman in question before she looks back at Aaron.

He stares at her for a moment before he smiles. It was her favourite one, the one specifically for her, and it immediately makes her chest tighten, her stomach flip. He leans down and whispers in her ear.

“Tu es la seule femme que je vois.” He says, his breath against the shell of her ear. The deep timbre of his voice speaking French did exactly what it always did to her, her cheeks flushing almost immediately, her lungs constricting. “Je veux te baiser.”

Emily almost moans out loud, but covers it with a cough when Derek walks past them, an intrigued look on his face, and she’s grateful for the background music that thus far she had found an annoyance. Aaron laughs at her, and she narrows her eyes.

“Teaching you French was both the best and worst idea I’ve ever had.” She replies when she’s managed to gather herself slightly. “Si tu veux me baiser, qu'est-ce que tu attends?”

He smiles, and leans down to whisper in her ear again. “Partons d'ici mon amour.”

Emily nods, and lets herself be dragged out of the ballroom and to the, very expensive, hotel room waiting for them upstairs.

She doesn’t even care when Dave watches them leave, a knowing look on his face.

[thewertsearch]

GG: that reminds me since im setting the game up with dave to be his server you are going to need to do the same thing for me

We're starting to set up the four-way relay that this configuration always sort of implied. Jade is gearing up to bring Dave in, despite my speculations to the contrary. 

EB: wait, how did you know my dad's car fell down here? GG: johhhhn will you stop trying to trap me!!! GG: you TOLD me the car fell remember? GG: jeeeez EB: jeeeeeeeeeeez! GG: JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!

BESTIES.

I should hope it goes without saying that while I’m not commenting on every sweet moment between these kids, they're absolutely there.  

GG: i mean i know lots of things but im really serious its no more information than what you have access to

Access, yes. Once John wakes up, Skaia is his to use. But will he be able to make as much use of it as you do?

GG: i wont have to be so coy with you anymore because im pretty sure most of the stuff that was supposed to happen has already happened GG: i couldnt tell you about it because it would have messed it up!

I was right about Jade wanting to preserve causality, but something doesn’t sit right about this exchange.

Why doesn’t Jade need to be coy anymore? She’s constantly receiving information about the future. If she’s worried about the timeline, that should be an ongoing problem, and there’s no reason for it to stop. 

The only way this makes sense is if Jade’s stopped receiving information about the future, or is about to. Does your access to Prospit shut off once you enter? That can’t be it, otherwise John wouldn’t have been able to have his little nap earlier, so I’m stumped.

[thefanficmonster]

You Never Notice

Sykkuno x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Summary: The center of someone’s world is never aware of their importance even when everyone else is in the know. People are hard to understand, no denying, but if we all spilled our truth like how Y/N admitted her feelings to Sykkuno, mutual understanding would be achieved a lot more easily. JK, she needed an eternity and maybe a thousand pushes. What’s important is the result though, right?

Requested by Anon. You are my first Sykkuno request and I wish I could thank you with a tag. Instead, I’m gonna thank you with a fic in which I put my all. Thank you for the request, hope the final product doesn’t let you down. 🥰

Here we go again. Sykkuno’s love life is brought up. This time it’s more frustrating cause I can’t shout how wrong he is about himself and the effect he has on the people around him. He has no room to speak, he hasn’t experienced what I have - one of your best friends living in your head rent-free because you’re just that whipped by them. That’s right kids, some of us never grow past the middle school crushes - they are a constant for some. That can be a good or a bad thing, it completely depends on how you view it.

Currently, him and Rae are addressing some dating rumors that started spreading about them earlier this week while Felix, Sean and I are kicking each other’s butts in Party Animals. We’re not all playing together, actually, we were all playing different games when we hopped into the call and just grouped together after playing solo got boring. Rae and Sykkuno are playing Among Us on a random server, her being the only person who’s streaming right now. She said she just wanted to clear up the dating rumors cause they were annoying to see popping up on her feed on every social media platform she’s active on.

“It’s ridiculous, really. People just look for online personalities to put in imaginary relationships. Are they that bored? I know quarantine is getting to everyone, but damn“ Rae says, laughing a bit to take the edge off her words but I know she’s bothered by this ordeal more than she’s letting on. I know how much it bothers her when people ship random youtubers and streamers together, even when she’s not involved. 

And I agree. Ever since I started streaming I’ve been shipped with my friends left and right. First Corpse, then Dave, Joel...you name them. It gets kinda gross cause these people are legit like siblings to me. Unlike Rae, though, I don’t waste my breath trying to clear those ‘talks of the net’ up. I don’t know if it’s for better of for worse that I remain silent on the issue when I’m involved but am willing to stand up for my friends when they find themselves in a similar situation. Some people think the reason I don’t share my thoughts is because the rumors are true, but the hint is most often taken, resulting in the ship ending. Well, that ship ending, there’s always a new one popping up. As Rae said, it’s ridiculous.

“Why does everyone think I am ever dating anyone? I’ve already commented on this: no one would date me.“ Sykkuno says through a sigh-like laugh.

“Why are you so sure?“ I blurt out without as much as a second thought

My eyes widen just a bit, just a bit. I’m not too surprised with myself. I am slowly losing control of my raging emotions and I’m afraid of what I’ll turn into when all my restraints snap. A mess, that’s the most likely answer.

“Well....“ Sykkuno trails off, clearly more than a little nervous, “I don’t have a girlfriend right now, and I haven’t had one in a while...Nor has a girl shown any interest to be more than friends with me in what feels like forever.“

“I’m sure you just don’t notice the hints girls drop. We can be pretty subtle.“ I try to sound as nonchalant as possible while I’m still in my panicked animal mode. And by animal I mean a cub. A scared cub that is now showing confidence but will run and hide right afterwards. I silently thank the universe that I’m not streaming right now. I can feel the heat on my neck and cheeks which is pure embarrassment and would have been more than evident on-camera.

“Yeah Y/N’s right, Sykkuno. Girls can be very subtle, but they will always let you know if they like you, even through the smallest of gestures. You gotta keep your eyes open.“ Rae backs me up reassuringly.

“Guys never notice anything.“ I say, rolling my eyes. I feel the pressure lessen thanks to Rae’s involvement in the conversation.

“That’s not true.“ Sean protests, “We pay close attention, especially to girls we are attracted to.“

“Yeah!“ Sykkuno pipes in again, “I’m pretty sure I would notice if a girl was dropping signals that she likes me.“

Now that stings. That legit makes me wince and cringe as though his voice delivered an actual physical hit to my chest and stomach. It’s really unpleasant, painful even.

“You never notice.“ There’s something about this triple opportunity - proving him wrong that he’d catch onto a girl’s signals; proving him wrong that girls aren’t attracted to him; coming clean about the biggest emotional struggle I’ve experienced in recent years; - that snaps my last emotional restraints. I will totally regret this later, but after the regret comes the relief which is 100% worth it. 

“What?“ He sounds very puzzled. I can just about imagine him frowning as he tries to wrap his brain around something even I can’t wrap mine around.

“You say you’d notice a girl’s hints of attraction. OK.“ I nonchalantly throw Felix off the submarine in Party Animals while I keep talking, “Would you notice if a girl purposely doesn’t kill you in Among Us when she’s impostor? Or would you notice that a girl always sends you links to videos she finds funny? Or that she always shares music and movie recommendations with you and you only?“ 

Dead silence ensues. I feel like they have all glitched, considering Sean didn’t even try to put up a fight when I lifted him and threw him in the ocean as I previously did with Felix’s avatar.

Maybe I was a tad too specific and made the whole situation hit a little too close to home for me. 

Sykkuno and I have become really close friends and we chat and play games regularly. As I mentioned, I give him movie and music recommendations and I only recently started acknowledging the fact that I’ve never killed him in Among Us. Natural instinct I guess. In fact, I feel the need for vengeance when he’s killed. I refuse to even vote for him unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Now that I think about it, it’s not his fault he has no clue. I just don’t know how to properly drop hints.  

“Um...I mean, I guess I would notice but I’d never think they are that type of hints.“ He finally replies.

On point there, dear. On damn point.

“What does it take for you to be convinced that a girl is into you?“ Who cares that a bunch of people are about to witness this outpour? It’ll make it more real, yes, but it will also help me believe that it happened so I don’t try to crawl back to the point where return is an option. No return now. You’ve already passed two thirds of the way. The last one will set you and your mind free. 

“The only way I can be sure is if she tells me, really.“ He sounds so nervous and shy, like he’s trying to draw as little attention as possible.

He doesn’t have to worry. I’m about to pull all the attention on me.

“Well in that case....you leave me no other choice.“ My screen displays me as the winner of this round of Party Animals - an easy one considering my friends are glitched in real life. “I like you, Sykkuno. I like you a lot. And I know you will see it from every context except the one its meant to be in so I’ll be even more head-on - I’ve liked you, as more than a friend for quite some time now, but buddy, you can be sooo oblivious sometimes. Anyway...“ Here’s that regret I was talking about, it’s already creeping in. “Don’t feel the need to say it back. I don’t wanna hear it if you don’t mean it. And Rae,“ I can’t help but laugh at the thought, “Sorry for making your chat go crazy. Peace!“

And I disconnect from the Discord call.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?“ I say out loud, staring at my desktop. “The cat’s out of the bag and you can move on now.“

I push myself to get some work done in order to get my mind off the mess I’ve created. I’m afraid of thinking about it, I know I’ll get too upset to do anything with the rest of my day if I do.

Suddenly, just as I’m about to open my email, my phone chimes. My brain doesn’t bother to stop my arm from automatically reaching out and checking the notification. A message.

From Sykkuno.

~ I knew you didn’t suggest me ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’ for no reason

Me ~ So...?

~ So, I’m not the only oblivious one here, Y/N

Me ~ Wait WHAT?

~ ‘Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist’?

Me ~ Oooohhhh...I see

It takes him a few seconds to reply, the bubble with the three bouncing dots popping up and disappearing a few times now. I just now feel my heart banging against the inside of my ribcage, my pulse echoing in my ears.

He did seem a little too eager for me to watch that movie...

~ So, movie date?

I laugh, wholeheartedly and honestly. Genuine joy running through my veins.

Me ~ So it is.

The grin that is now decorating my features promises to stay there for the rest of the day. I bite my bottom lip at the thought that pops into my head.

Me ~ Phew, I can stop sparing you in Among Us from now on

He sends me three cry-laughing emojis in return, but I don’t need those. I can just imagine him laughing as he usually does with one hand covering his mouth. And here I thought my grin couldn’t grow wider.

 Imagining him happy makes me smile. His happiness makes me happy. He makes me happy.

Even better...

I think the feeling’s mutual.

[cherrylight]

HIHI OK

da daveally minecraft lore :D

this is so insanely long i am so sorry oh my glob

(this is just touching the surface too crying)

ok !! 

so, the start of the lore goes like this

john wants to play minecraft with his friends, he literally URGES them to play minecraft with him because he found like a cool server and he wants them all to join

(note: i so hate to admit this, but i was writing this and they are all like 10! uh, it makes me safer actually e)

ANYWAY!

john urges them and daves down, because im pretty sure he plays minecraft like his life depends on it. also the fact thats its something *else* than like every other skateboarding game around is probably another reason 

jade complies and urges rose to join with, dave also urges her to join with because if not shes a killjoy and rose joins out of spite from that *alone*

they join the server and jade immediately jumps into the survival with john because they play the game legitimately for some reason or they follow the basic game rules and dave ends up in parkour central

(dave seems like the type to find parkour so fun but so bad at it that hes good)

rose follows with dave because she wants to see him literally suck at it

this sounds so ooc but i promise my brain knows everything and the fact rose would make snarky comments at how horrible dave is at literally jumping block to block that he has to tell her in like 20 words to shut up

now that you know what everyone would be doing (trust me that is important), dave would notice jade talking to someone (that someone is ally!) in the minecraft chat, of course he doesnt pay a lot of attention to it and jumping from block to block but he does get distracted halfway through their conversation from how they type! because of this, he messes up a thousand times.

jade then introduces ally to john and the trio begins talking in the mc chat. they talk about the server and everything and ally mentions the sever is very sweet!! the community is very nice :D cause shes been on it a lot longer than them (giggling, kicking my feet)

thennnnn john decides its best if ally meets dave and rose (a great idea!!!) and ally is super duper excited about it because shes making friends!! she tends to play on the server by herself without interacting with anyone, she has a few times, however, but they werent like.. Long Term Friends

anyway, jade warps back to spawn and john mentions it to ally and they both do the same. jade asks where dave and rose are, and rose mentions the parkour course since dave is far too distracted by the CHAT ALONE on his screen to even word things properly 

i love the thought of him finding ally so unique even by just how she types?? that hes like unsure how to even WORD THINGS PROPERLYYYY???

or its me throwing in the fact that i love soulmates and them being soulmates makes me soft :(

continuing on

ally, jade, and john all reach where rose and dave are located.

rose introduces herself to ally, the two have a chat, and rose just feels like she has an intimidating aura with her at all times, so yes, ally is a bit wary of her and a little bit on edge with her because of how she acts and i swear john would definitely help to defuse that as well as jade! possibly.

HOWEVER ! this is a long waited thing to say:

dave is last for introductions. ally greets him sweetly and so upbeat! also, shes very excited to meet new friends, or at least she HOPES she can make these four her friends (spoiler: she does)

anyway, dave introduces himself after realising that ally is literally talking to him. the two actually have a really good interaction!!! of course they do duh!! she even mentions that this parkour course is really difficult for her (she has tried it numerous of times just because) and asked if he could help her with it (even though dave cannot do parkour while being distracted by a minecraft catgirl skin) (and yes allys skin is a mc catgirl skin)

dave, however agrees, because he will not take up the opportunity to say no (besides itll make them talk to each other a lot more!! and like get to know each other too!!)

also!!! i feel after that interaction, it makes dave seem a bit more excited to play minecraft with her or enter the server, because it means hell see her!! however, im pretty sure hed try to suppress that excitement though 

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Rose Lalonde, Jade Harley

Act 4, page 1399-1403

TG: do you think like the pulitzer committee is secretly scouring the dregs of the gamefaq archives or something

TG: damn

TG: i cant read this shit im sorry

TT: Hold please.

TG: hold what

TG: i see you at your computer typing

TG: what are you doing

TG: dang

TG: hold on

TG: no seriously stop talking to me for a second it looks like jade is dropping the doomsday tube thingy in my room

TG: brb gotta make sure she doesnt break all my shit

TG: hey wait

GG: these darn birds are in the way!

GG: what are they doing in your apartment anyway!!!

GG: also they are adorable

TG: i always keep birds in here its sort of my thing

GG: ohhhhhhh

GG: kind of like all those silly naked puppets are your bros thing?

TG: no no thats irony this is like

TG: sincere honest to god psychosis

TG: im training to be a lame gothy supervillain

GG: also i think i cant put it down because of the wires on the floor.....

TG: ok

TG: well maybe you should take the opportunity to put it somewhere that isnt stone cold retarded

GG: i wish i played more games

GG: this is hard!!!!

TG: no its not

GG: :P

TT: Jade is connected with you?

TT: Where did she get the discs?

TG: i dont know how does she do any of the loopy batshit nonsense she does

TG: maybe she pulled them out of the volcano over there on bloodmonkey mountain

TT: Wait.

TT: So you mean to tell me she was able to connect with you in a timely fashion, without waiting until you were on the brink of annihilation?

TG: we went over this

TG: i was a little bogged down

TG: in the epic swaddle of legendary puppet taint

TT: I've done nothing but wait for boys to play this game with me all day.

TT: First John lollygagging with the client, and then you with the server, downright filibustering my existence with unending fraternal melee.

TT: And yet a girl, one who didn't even own the game, was able to connect with you minutes after you connected with me.

TG: whoa wait

TG: what the hell is she doing

TG: shes taking my bed what the hell

TT: And there she goes.

TT: She HAS the karma.

TG: so seriously what were you doing just now

TT: I was talking to someone.

TG: who

TT: You remember the trolls?

TG: yeah

TT: One of them messaged me, so I indulged him/her/it for a moment.

TG: oh i see you opted to chat up one of those dbags instead of talk to the guy who saved you from a swirling shitstorm of angry flaming wizards

TG: i was worried your priorities might have been out of whack but no i was dead wrong

TT: I also took a moment to check on John.

TG: how is he

TT: I can't see him anymore. Just his empty house.

TT: But I did talk to him briefly.

TG: i should probably text him soon

TG: see whats up

TG: because

TG: i love him

TT: I know.

TG: so this place youre at now

TG: its the same place hes at right

TT: It's hard to say for certain.

TT: But I think I like it here.

[harley-style]

DREAM SMP Swap AU

Dream = Wilbur : Dream comes into the server to help these two kids who are trying to stir shit up -- why not, right? He's got a fondness for chaos but also very protective and caring over his friends. VERY FOND OF TUBBO. To the point of.. well, brotherhood. Wilbur = Dream : He had a vision, to create a place where people could emancipate -- he's not above being the bad guy to keep that ideal in place. He's charming and self-confident and isn't afraid to use blackmail or get all up in your business. Has dirt on everyone but Dream. Constantly threatens secrets but subtle, yanno? Again, very charming, very persuasive.

Tubbo = Tommy : Still very sweet, but Big Crime often comes out to play more often than not. Also a huge trouble magnet, tried to start a...Honey smuggling empire? For some fucking reason, despite its innocent sounding plan, is a threat to Wilbur's land but no one has any idea why. Tommy = Tubbo : Tommy has an innate fucking fixation on music discs. He's got Cat and Mellohi personally. He dreams of starting up a music cafe/music area...? He and Dream get along swimmingly, Dream actually gifts Tommy a few music discs too, but also pins Tommy with the name discount Dave Strider.

Fundy = Eret : Was convinced earlier on by Wilbur to continue his 'legacy' and ideals. Fundy further grows into a neutral party, doing things only when it benefits him. Is the traitor from the first war. Eret = Fundy : Gets far too involved with stuff and the only way out is if he wiggles through the restraints on him. Yes that's metaphorical.

JSchlatt = Technoblade : Assists through uses of contracts and business deals. Like, hello, Tubbo's Honey smuggling business? He and Dream make an agreement, he supplies Dream and Tubbo with shit, and Dream does favors for Schlatt. Technoblade = Jschlatt : Anarchy lmfao. Was actually brought on by Wilbur in secret. Acted as a benefactor for Dream before turning around and causing chaos in the land Dream Tubbo and Tommy built. Blood for the blood god, only the strongest gets to the top kind of government. There's always fucking pitfights. Oops.

Philza = Callahan : Largely uninvolved in the events, mostly just there to supervise Wilbur, Tommy and Techno. Duh. Callahan = Philza : Has personal history with Dream, tries to convince him not to do the thing that could hurt everyone else. Minimally succeeds.

Alyssa = Niki : Ready to defend her home and her family. Niki = Alyssa : Neutral, but ready to back Wilbur up if need be.

Sapnap = Bad : Arsonist, goes around and burns shit whenever he wants to. His base is a Nether inspired fortress. Also, he has to deal with a Nether problem in reference to the Red Vine problem from the original SMP. Hotlands? LMFAO Bad = Sapnap : Helps when asked. Started out on Wilbur's side, as a favor, but slowly shifts neutral due to the conflict between factions.

Karl = Skeppy : Gets held hostage? That's what preoccupies Sapnap's time. He suddenly disappeears or gets trapped in a cell. Skeppy = Karl : Runs around doing supply runs. Gets his friends into various stints to try and settle the conflict through friendly rivalry and competition. It doesn't always work.

George = Ranboo : Unlike original Ranboo, George is highly unsympathetic and needs concrete fucking facts before he acts, and that kind of backfires on him in the end. As a favor to Dream (how many favors is Dream involved in honestly) he runs messages back and forth from Tubbo to Tommy. Ranboo = George : Largely uninvolved in the conflict, like Niki, but unlike OG George, is not absent. He's just there to assist. One of the most innocent and purest people on the SMP, knows when to keep his head down. When his house burns down, he doesn't really believe its Tubbo who did it -- he knows the kid has been framed because he'd been WITH him at the time, but Wilbur pressures him to admit it.

Quackity = Punz : Wilbur's loyal paid henchman. Quackity will cause shit for the appropriate price, he's not exceptionally picky. That stunt he did as Mexican Dream was great and everyone in L'Manberg loved it. Punz = Quackity : One of the best fighters under Techno. Has more morals, but keeps them secretly. Very good at hiding his true intentions/feelings.

(sorry about the other characters not being on here, i dont know them enough to make swaps, or dont know who they'd make a good swap with. Swap who you wanna swap though! i'd like to hear your take on this matter! HEADCANONS ACCEPTED TOO AT THIS POINT EVERYTHING HERE IS FROM WHAT I REMEMBER AND MY HEADCANONS)

PLOT

-Wilbur starts the SMP with Niki, slowly invites others like Ranboo, Tommy, and Tubbo.

-Tubbo expresses a desire to Fuck Shit Up and Tommy says they can get Dream, he's an expert at getting away.

-Dream is extremely protective of them both. Tubbo more than Tommy but that's fine because Tommy is largely independent.

-Tubbo gets in the weirdest shit but Tommy can roll with the punches really quickly.

-Wilbur gets tired of their crap and burns down Tubbo's establishment. It's like the Disc Wars except it's the Great Honey War. Bee War? Basically he's tired of Tubbo hogging all the Honey related expenditures.

-Dream gets the idea to make a honey smuggling empire, as a joke, but Tubbo is Big Crime and he's going with it. Tommy just wants chaos, and he was getting bored tbh.

-Eventually the Honey thing turns into Resource management, so Tubbo Dream and Tommy have a hold on all major supplies

-Shit happens and Dream, Tubbo, Tommy, Eret, Sam, Fundy and Alyssa establish an independent nation. Dunno what to call it bc the server is called the L'manberg SMP so....

-The fight for indepencence still happens. Instead of 'Green boy' Wilbur is named 'E-boy'. Dream still says "WE HAVE NO MERCY FOR YOU" when Wil calls for a ceasefire negotiation, but Wilbur does threaten the nation saying  "If there is no white flag by tomorrow, then you can kiss your sorry little arses good bye. That's my final warning."

-Turns out Fundy's been secretly funneling information to Wilbur in exchange for the safety of his friends, and also because Wilbur's his dad....uhm. Also! He and Dream are circling each other and others are like "OH MY GOD YOU GUYS ARE DEAD RINGERS FOR QUEERPLATONIC MATES JUST MARRY ALREADY" bc I like FundyWasTaken but others might not and its okay, we'll label it as platonic, but can be read otherwise depending on your tastes. But for this, it's very close platonic.

-Wilbur goads Tommy into a fight, as brothers do, but Tubbo steps in and Wilbur fucking jumps at the chance.

-This is the start of Dream's descent into madness. No one fucking threatens or pulls one of his friends like that. Denied. It's still subtle though, so he's okay for now.

-Tubbo and Wilbur face off. When Tubbo pulls back bc he genuinely doesn't want to hurt anyone, Wilbur takes the chance and beats him.

-Tubbo, however, makes a deal. Let their nation stand on its own, and he'll give up the Resource Empire he started. Wilbur accepts, with the condition that they unify their alliance with a...marriage? So basically, political marriage between Wilbur's heir, Fundy, and Dream, the leader of the revolution.

-YEAH I WENT THERE THIS IS VALID

-They're strained at first, but Dream and Fundy slowly mend their relationship post-betrayal.

-Fast forward a few months later. The Nation doesn't really have a leader, as per the agreement, but it does have a representative. All decisions are made via majority votes, and that decision is voiced by the rep and sub-rep, Dream and Tubbo respectively. Tommy's just there to have a good time and causes chaos as per usual.

-Enter Technoblade. He's been called in by Wilbur to...ah. Dismantle a little...nation. Sounds right up his alley. But he asks Wilbur to wait and see what happens.

-Tommy and Dream get the idea to hold a tournament to celebrate their independence, an all out brawl for everyone to kick back and relieve stress. There. That's where Techno comes in.

-He gets Punz to join him after like, being paid (ofc) and they fucking dominate the tournament. Dream's about to congratulate them but Techno turns the fuck around and declares his right to rule the nation. If anyone wants to fight him for the title, they're welcome to try.

-Dream loses another life to Techno trying and failing to fight it. He and a few others lost their first life sometime elsewhere? I guess? Probably by being blown up by Wilbur, idk.

-Tubbo and Dream are chased out by people who reluctantly follow Techno's orders, and Tommy, torn between his friends and his brothers, stays behind. Oh jeezus.

-Since Techno is a fighting GOD, no one's able to usurp him to make things turn back to normal. But Dream is smart, and knows Wilbur's 100% behind this. Fundy kind of knew but didn't do shit about it, which is why Dream rejects Fundy's offer of sanctuary. He can't be sure his husband will stay on his side, after all. It's nothing personal.

-Dream and Tubbo hide away somewhere, probably not a ravine but?? A mountain or something? They manage to get Sam away enough to ask him to build a super cool Redstone contraption thing that opens for them. ooooo.

-I'm not good at names but for the sake of jokes I'm gonna call their land the 'Bee's Knees' bc at some point Tubbo finds a fuckton of Hives hanging from Trees. Bee Mountain if Dream's feeling especially salty.

-SPEAKING OF DREAM. his insanity is on course now, it's slowly eating away at him and in fear of hurting Tubbo he's slowly distancing himself away. Tubbo's like what's wrong but Dream can't answer -- he doesn't know what's wrong with himself either.

-Tubbo and Dream need to go back and confront Techno, but they can't wait for long else Techno's going to obliterate everyone and their extra lives. They call Schlatt in.

-Schlatt's a pure business man and draws up a contract. He'll aid them in terms of supplies, but most of the revolution is on them. They agree.

-Tommy is actually really fucking good at lying and skirting around what he reveals to Dream and tubbo as a spy that Techno would have believed him if he didnt' know his brother. and Wilbur's warnings, of course. That results in Techno just being fucking done with Tommy's bullshit and plans his execution in another tournament? I guess?

-It doesn't go like the festival. First of all, Schlatt can't fight for shit, so why would Techno call him up the stage? No, Schlatt fights dirty. techno doesn't set much rules so theres no rule against poisoning Tommy quick and easy before the fight. Tommy loses another life and is on his last. Tubbo is spitting mad, but Schlatt points out that nothing in the contract covered this, so he's free to do as necessary. Tubbo is stopped by Dream who, at this point, is just overtaken by the need to one-up Techno.

-Also, Wilbur's been slowly persuading Dream to just. Let go. Let the monster inside of him free, he 'deserves it'. By the end of it all, Dream does. He snaps and lets loose the monster crying for blood inside him.

-Callahan is left to convince his old friend not to do it. In a moment of clarity, Dream stares on in horror of what he'd done. In his rage he managed to deplete ALL of Techno's lives (not really but shhhh), cause massive bloodshed, and terrified everyone in the process. He asks Callahan to kill him. Callahan does.

-Yes we'll get to Ghost Dream eventually.

-Anyway, Schlatt still does the Wither plan, because, uh, Drunken Rage. He was so stressed out from the ensuing conflict that he's like "LETS JUST FINISH THE REST OF YOU. THERE WILL BE NO CONFLICT IF YOU ARENT THERE TO FIGHT."

-and then he uses the line from the Lego movie on Tubbo like "Oh, Tubbster. It's nothing personal. It's just Business(tm)".

-Schlatt still dies of stroke. He does come back as a ghost though, that's one main difference.

-After everything's said and done, and the dust has settled, everyone decides to disband the nation, and just live their lives. like, they're done, wilbur, they get your point, jfc, let them rest.

-but uhhhh someone frames tubbo for setting fire to ranboo's (the server sweetheart) house. wilbur immediately decides to exile tubbo in 'anger'. acutally, he wants tommy and tubbo separated.

-tommy's not standing for it though, he fucking fights his way until wilbur threatens him and tubbo's like YES FINE OKAY I'LL AGREE TO BEING EXILED STOP THREATENING YOUR BROTHER

-tubbo's exile arc is not as sad as tommy's, but rather very tense because wilbur keeps riling tubbo up and taunting him. he still keeps contact with tommy though because they arent going to be separated just like that. no way. tubbo just gets a little more mad and gets short tempered like a lot.

-ranboo's not even that mad about it, he knows tubbo would never burn his house, there was a conspiracy on board and even if there wasn't he's like "arent yall overreacting its just a house, didnt you all do this like before the first war even began, what even (also, ranboo was WITH tubbo at the time of his house allegedly being set on fire. Not that he'll admit to it, because he and tubbo made that agreement long before)

-eventually he finds out that wilbur just wanted to pin the blame on tubbo to make him leave, and ranboo's like "IM DONE WITH YOUR CRAP WILLBUR STOP HURTING THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT" and leaves

-with the nation gone, people started to solidify their groups. sapnap and karl deal with their own thing, quackity still runs errands for wilbur, george is the main person ferrying messages from tubbo to tommy back and forth, etc.

-there's a funeral for dream, ofc, fundy arranged it. all of dream's shit was hidden because fundy doesnt want wilbur to get it.

-niki's still there managing her bakeshop but doubles as an informant for wilbur because she's well liked within the server

-ghost dream is present and he's a chaotic troll who mostly hangs around tommy. he's really hyper active and is always on the move, you can never catch him sitting still for like, 5 minutes

THAT"S ALL I HAVE FOR MY SMP SWAP AU PLEASE BE GENTLE I DONT HAVE TIME TO GET ALL THE FACTS STRAIGHT FROM THE OG SMP qwq