[0:12] 'you have... one new message'
*beep*
"hey! it's me... chan. um, i just- well, i wanted to tell you- uh... did- did you know that i was jealous of you when we first met? crazy, right? it felt like we were from two completely different worlds. y-you were from this world that was just full of people and i was in like, a realm of silence.
i was jealous cuz you... you seemed to brighten up whatever room you entered, and i was... i was so envious of that. the light you emitted seemed so dangerously... real? if that makes sense? i don't know, but then, i got to know you.
you- you approached me and struck up a conversation first. it honestly scared me. why would someone like you want to have anything to do with me? but you were sweet to me, so kind and so... caring. and- and as we grew closer, i found myself subconsciously looking forward to the classes we had together, like who looks forward to first period AP Lang? i did, because of you.
i started to wonder like 'hm, i wonder what kind of jokes they'll make today'. i don't know if you ever noticed, but i started to fall asleep in class less too... heh i bet mr. davis would've loved that.
and... in a world full of darkness, you became my light, so, i guess i just wanted to say thank you? i mean it's not a question but it's like- i mean, i guess? wait no- sigh
what i mean is... thank you for showing me what happiness is and what true friendship is like. thank you... for keeping your promises and always bringing a smile to my face.
... and thank you for loving me. whether it was romantic, platonic, or whatever other kind of love there is in the world, thank you.
and... i'm not sure if you still have my number saved, hell, you might've changed your phone number for all i know. oh my god if you're a random stranger and you're listening to me ramble, i'm so sorry, i'm sure this isn't how you wanted to spend the first few minutes of the new year listening to some drunk, lovesick dude ramble to his first love. but i'm not drunk! i've sobered up and i've had plenty of water to drink... just like you told me to do back in college....
.... but if this is your number, you're probably out with friends right now, or maybe with a special person. regardless, i- i hope you're happy. i'm doing fine, so you don't have to worry about me. i've already taken a couple tries to record this message, but i won't pressure you to respond or anything. i just had to get this off my chest.
happy new year [name]."
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Prompt 131
Okay, so first of all Dan would like to say it’s not his fault. Ellie was the one to bring some unknown object into the speeder and Jazz was the one driving. Or had Sam been driving- didn’t matter! It wasn’t his fault, he wasn’t the one shooting at them, he wasn’t the one to break whatever, he was not the one to open a stupid portal, and so it wasn’t his fault!
So why is he now like, five years old, and why is the speeder crashed in some sort of corn field. Why is everyone- except for Jazz whose now like six- also like three at most?! And- oh fuck the door just opened and… okay that’s a kid. Like, nine at most.
A kid and an adult, who he hadn’t noticed at first so again, it’s not his fault if he hissed at them and tried to hide his not-siblings behind him. It’s also not fair they’re apparently stuck to ghost speak for who knows how long, but at least they can understand the people.
“Martha, get some blankets, it’s happened again!”
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was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.
and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.
because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"
and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.
and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.
and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.
so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.
and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?
and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3
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I don't normally throw prayer requests into the tumblr void but...
A year or so ago an old college prof of mine shared on FB that his wife's cancer had returned. A few months ago, they decided that, since the treatments had been ineffective, the best course of action was to discontinue them and for her to move to hospice. He shared today that over the last two weeks she had taken a definite turn for the worse. They don't think she'll be long for this world.
Please pray for A, his wife R, and their two young kids. Though there is some comfort in knowing that R is going home to her Savior, this holiday season is still going to be a rough one.
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