#love that he frames this as doing us a favor lol okay buddy

[howtosingit]

someone teach Tim Minear how to properly write a 43-minute episode of television please and thank you 

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[omgrachwrites]

Ocean Avenue (Bucky Barnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC

Summary: When Darcie Baker - the daughter of a police officer -  breaks her misfit friend’s heart at 16 she regrets it everyday even  after she graduates though she knows she can’t go back and change what  happened. Everything changes when over 10 years later she meets the  gorgeous mechanic.

Warnings: little bit of fluff, angst, possible trigger warning: illness

Words: 2370

A/N: So sorry for all the angst! Also, I’m getting serious Hal Carter vibes from Bucky in this lol! I hope you guys enjoy this part and please let me know what you think! I love you all very much! xxx

Twelve years later

Bucky Barnes attempted to blink the sweat out of his eyes, cursing when instead the salty liquid dribbled down into his tear ducts, making his eyes burn incessantly. Pulling himself out from underneath the hood of the car that he was working on he rubbed the sweat out of his eyes, probably smearing grease all over his face in the process. He spotted his bottle of water on his cluttered desk and gulped a lot of it down to try and relieve himself from the blazing summer sun. The water was warm and it tasted a little dirty but it was enough, Bucky poured the rest of the water over himself, sighing in relief as he pushed his damp hair out of his face.

“Y’know,” Steve started, snickering as he leaned against the door frame, one foot crossed over the other, “you really shouldn’t do that whole routine with the water when your fan club is watching intently,” he smirked, discreetly jerking his thumb to point at the house across the street.

Bucky turned to look over at the house and sure enough Gemma – a pretty girl who was going into her final year of college – and her mom were sitting on their front porch gawking at Bucky. Though, Bucky didn’t mind, it helped to boost his ego, not that it needed much boosting if he was being honest with himself.

Both Bucky and Steve lived in New York City since they left the army but they started up their car repair shop in the suburbs just outside of the city, thinking they’d get more business. They had been right, business was booming, they were doing extremely well for themselves.

Bucky rolled his eyes at his best friend, “I think that Gemma’s mom is more into you than she is into me,” he chuckled when Steve’s eyes grew comically wide. Bucky plastered on his charming winning smile, thick dark strands falling in front of his eyes as he raised his hand in a wave at the two women, “hey there ladies!” he fought back a smirk when they visibly swooned. Bucky was used to that – even though it was extremely arrogant for him to admit it and he knew it.

Gemma took Bucky’s greeting as a signal to walk over the road to the garage, an ice cold glass of lemonade in her hand, Bucky noticed there was just one lone glass, “oh, here we go,” Bucky muttered to Steve out of the corner of his mouth. Gemma was a sweet girl but she was too full on at times.

“Bucky! Hey!” she grinned, blushing as she sauntered over, “my mom and I thought that you might be thirsty, it’s a hot day,” she handed the glass over and Bucky took a tentative sip of it, it was sweet, delicious and refreshing.

“This is really good, I’ll be sure to share it with Steve, thank you,” he teased but Gemma still looked embarrassed as she played with the ends of her ginger hair.

“There’s something that I wanted to ask you,” she paused, gnawing on her bottom lip as she collected her thoughts, “I go back to college soon and I was just wondering whether you would like to go see a movie sometime?” she asked hopefully, shrugging as her cheeks almost glowed with the intensity of her blush.

Bucky opened his mouth but no sound came out of it as his mind went blank, he didn’t think that it was a good idea but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. He sighed, looking her in the eyes, “Gemma I,” thankfully he was cut off by the bell ringing in the garage signalling that someone was waiting in the shop, “I have to go and get that.”

Steve stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder, “don’t you worry buddy, I’ll go and get it for you, you two talk,” he smirked at him as Bucky shot Steve the filthiest look that he could muster before he turned back to the young woman in front of him.

“Look, Gemma, I think that you’re really great but I don’t think the two of us going on a date is such a good idea. We’re much better off as friends don’t you think?” he put it as delicately as he could because he could see that her eyes were getting teary and the hopeful look on her face quickly turned into a disappointed one, “besides, I’m sure that there are guys in college that could make you very happy.”

“There are,” she admitted as she nodded sadly, “but none of them are you,” she chewed her lip again, “but I respect your decision, thank you for not being an asshole about it. I just wanted to ask so I’d know for sure how you felt.”

Bucky was about to apologise but he was cut off by a girlish giggle and a voice that he kind of recognised but he couldn’t place where he had heard it before.

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t recognise you Steve! You just look a lot different now compared to what you looked like back in high school,” the woman was saying. Steve let out a deep chuckle and Bucky turned to see who had accompanied Steve into the garage.

Bucky’s blood ran cold and his eyes nearly popped out of his head when he realised who the woman was with Steve. He barely registered it when Gemma bade him goodbye and she walked back home. She wasn’t blonde anymore – that was the first thing that Bucky noticed – where her hair used to be golden blonde it was now a slight reddish brown. It reminded Bucky of the gorgeous vibrant colour the leaves changed to in the fall.

Her ice grey eyes were soft and full of warm laughter as she spoke to Steve. However, something changed in them when her gaze landed on Bucky, it was surprise mixed with another emotion that Bucky couldn’t quite decipher. Maybe it was regret. Her strawberry tinted lips opened just a fraction as her eyes looked Bucky up and down. They had both come a long way from hanging out secretly at the beach.

She didn’t really look much different, maybe she was even more beautiful but Bucky pushed that thought to the back of his mind. Just the memory of him putting his whole heart into kissing her when she couldn’t care less left a bitter taste in the back of his throat.

“Look who it is Buck,” Steve said somewhat nervously as he gestured at Darcie who was wearing doctor’s scrubs.

“Hey Bucky,” she smiled warmly at him, moving a lock of hair out of her face, “you’re looking well, it’s good to see you,” her voice was soft and kind but Bucky wasn’t letting her off that easy.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded, crossing his arms over his chest, ignoring the looks of shock and hurt that flashed across her face.

“My friend came here to get spare tires and he did me a favor by putting my car in to be repaired, he said that this was the best place. It’s a red Audi,” she bit her lip nervously; “I didn’t know that this was your shop, if I did then I wouldn’t have come here.”

Bucky ignored the sting that her words gave him and he turned away from her, walking to the other side of the garage, “it’s not finished yet, I’ve been busy. You’re not my only customer you know,” he was just being petty now; he’d finished working on her car. He’d finished it a couple of days ago in fact.

He turned back to face her, scrubbing a hand through his hair, “so you’re a doctor now?” he gestured at her scrubs, “was all that sacrificed worth it?” he asked viciously, “it seems like it was; you even have a new hair colour and everything.”

“Bucky, I’m sorry, I really am sorry but what happened between us happened twelve years ago, we were just kids! Please can we just let it go?” she pleaded with him, “I know that I hurt you,” she finished quietly.

“Pah, you didn’t hurt me! I saw it coming,” he was much too proud to admit how hurt he had felt, how hurt he still was, “how’s your dear old dad by the way? Is he still an asshole?” Bucky’s smirk faltered just a little bit as Darcie’s eyes got glassy and he was in the frame of mind to apologise to her.

“Buck,” Steve started in a warning tone, Darcie smiled at him, laying a hand on his bicep.

“It’s okay Steve, you can’t pick your friends I guess,” she shrugged, “I’m surprised that you’re competent enough to run your own business Barnes. I always thought that you were a good for noth-“

“Right! Darc, I’m giving you a ride back to the hospital since you have no car,” Steve clapped his hands, effectively cutting her off; it was obvious that he was hating the conflict.

“Your car will be ready on the fourteenth of never!” Bucky childishly shouted after Darcie’s retreating back, he needed to get the last word in.

“Bucky!” came Steve’s angry reply.

It was like it was a completion to see who could hurt who the most.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

After Steve had dropped Darcie back off at the hospital she walked into the locker room to pull off her scrubs and get changed for dinner with her parents. Steve was just as sweet as he had been in high school; she made a mental note to introduce him to her friend Peggy. Darcie’s mom had called her earlier in the day to tell her that her dad was having another one of his bad days and to think twice about going over there for dinner. However, Darcie ignored this advice; she really wanted to see her dad.

She pulled open her locker door to grab her clothes and she chanced a glance at her reflection in the mirror. She released her hair from its ponytail, letting it cascade around her shoulders in messy curls. Her eyes looked more tired today because she didn’t even have the time to put just a little bit of makeup on. Also, her surprise run in with Bucky didn’t help either; she hated how good he looked.

She sighed at her reflection, pinching her cheeks to bring some colour back into her skin before slamming her locker door shut and she left the locker room.

“Home girl, is that you?” Darcie heard a yelling coming from the corridor behind her and she turned at the sound of the loud voice, grinning when she saw who it was.

“Sam, hey!” he giggled as she threw her arms around her best friend, “good to see that you made the transfer okay!”

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I’m super stoked to be working in the same hospital as you; you look great by the way. Are you going on a date?” he smirked wiggling his eyebrows and she burst out laughing at how stupid he looked.

“I’m having dinner at my parents place tonight.”

Sam’s face fell at her words and he looked a little bit regretful, “sorry honey. How is your dad?” he asked, “is he okay?”

Darcie shrugged before she replied, trying to keep the mood light, “no not really but he’s getting there,” she really hoped the words that she spoke was true.

When Darcie walked into her parent’s living room she grinned at the sight of her dad sitting in his favourite chair, the one he always used to sit in when he read to her when she was a kid and perched on his lap. He looked well; she didn’t know what her mom was talking about when she said that he was having one of his bad days.

“Hey dad!” she bent down to kiss his stubbly cheek, “you look great today, how are you feeling?” her bright smile faltered when her dad looked up at her with a blank expression.

“Who are you?”

She willed herself not to cry, she hated crying especially since her dad had gotten ill, it felt like she was always crying, “it’s me Darcie dad, your daughter.”

“But, I don’t have a daughter,” he simply said, Darcie’s mom who had been watching this interaction shot Darcie an ‘I told you so’ look.

Dinner was nice that evening, Darcie’s dad seemed quite relaxed; he was talking about his day. Ever since he had got Alzheimer’s he thought that he still worked on the police force, the doctors said that it was a good sign that he had still retained those memories. Though, he couldn’t remember his own daughter.

Everyone was happy until Darcie’s mom spoke up, “I heard that Bucky Barnes recently came back to town, started up a car repair shop and everything. Really turned himself around.”

At the mention of Bucky’s name her dad’s face soured, “he’s trouble that Bucky Barnes. People should stay away from that boy.”

Darcie’s heart lurched in her chest and she placed her fork down on the table, not feeling very hungry anymore, “you remember Bucky dad?” she asked, it was painful to know that he didn’t remember her today but he remembered Bucky.

“He’s hard to forget.”

Later on, the fire was blazing even though it was the height of summer, Darcie’s dad was sitting in his chair and she was reading to him. She was reading a passage from his favourite book, ‘A Clash of Kings,’ the book that the second season of Game of Thrones was based upon. Her dad was really enjoying it though he had forgotten that it was his favourite, he liked being read to. Darcie stopped in her reading when her dad gave her an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry that I don’t know who you are. Sometimes I forget things,” he shook his head sadly, looking down at the fluffy cream carpet.

Darcie’s bottom lip wobbled as she leaned forward and took her dad’s hands in hers and kissed his knuckles, “I know dad, its okay. I love you.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------- 

@void-imaginations @marvelellie @theonelittleone @dreamacoholic @thesswintersoldier @harryngtonewithyourshit @iamariotgrrl

[yoi-secret-valentines2017]

Debater AU

For @apollosukulele!

Yuuri was staring at the Facebook page, his jaw on the floor. This couldn’t be happening. But there was the notification in clear black text. “Viktor Nikiforov is attending your event” This couldn’t be real, this had to be fake. There was probably some other Viktor Nikiforov who decided to rsvp as a joke. That was it. That was the only logical explanation. “Earth to Yuuri!” Phichit waved a hand in front of his best buddy’s face and the elder looked up, still utterly dazed, unsure how long he had been staring. He gestured weakly at the computer screen. Phichit, quirking an eyebrow, leaned over Yuuri’s shoulder to read the incriminating words. “Oh, that? i knew Viktor was coming. He set his registration fee to me last night. He and Yuri Plisetsky are going together. Exciting right?” “Exciting?” Yuuri croaked out, placing his computer to the side to grab Phichit’s hands. “I think exciting is the understatement of the year!!! The Viktor Nikiforov is coming to our debate tournament, our rinky dink “hey lol come to Detroit in February even though we have no money and it’s cold as balls here” debate tournament!“ Phichit squeezed Yuuri’s hands in response. “Guess that means these rinky dink tournament directors have to step their game up.” Yuuri groaned in response, thinking of how many phone calls there were still left and all the possible things that could go wrong. But…he chanced a look at Viktor’s profile picture. His idol triumphantly holding a trophy from his victory at Nationals this past year. Seeing Viktor’s happiness up close and personal would be worth it. –

Later that day, Yuuri was zoning out during his break between classes when he saw something pop up on his phone. Phichit has added Otabek Altin and Katsuki Yuuri to his group. Phichit has named the group “Debate Committee to Find Men” Yuuri rolled his eyes. What was Phichit up to now??? Yuuri: Phichit what the heck is this why is this and who is Otabek this is like your 5th random group chat in a month. Phichit: this group chat is different though Yuuri: how Phichit: because we’re gonna get shit done Yuuri: well the committee is to find men And we are men So low bar Phichit: That’s not what I mean And you know it. Anyway We all know our debate tournament is this weekend On Valentine’s Day And we are all hopelessly single So I think we should do something about it Otabek: I agree Yuuri: I’m sorry Otabek, but have we met before? Phichit: rude Yuuri: im sorry!!! I didn’t mean that to be rude I just don’t recognize your name!! Otabek: it’s okay. I’m from a small college in Michigan. I’m going to be debating this weekend. I’m the equity officer. To ensure equity. Yuuri: oh awesome super glad to have you But how’d you get roped into Phichits shenanigans? Phichit: well since you’re thirsty for Viktor Nikiforov and Otabek has a crush on the Russian tiger I thought you guys could work together!!! Yuuri: wat Otabek. I’m down Yuuri put down his phone out of confusion and frustration at Phichit. How was a ridiculous group chat going to get the man of his dreams to notice him? It was bad enough that Phichit was going overboard with the Valentine’s Day theme, deciding to give sweethearts to the best four teams and a giant pink stuffed bear to the best speaker.

(Yuuri flashbacks to when they were at Costco and Phichit had spotted IT. Wide eyed and deliriously happy he proclaimed,. “Now that is aggressively romantic!”.) Yuuri was just afraid that someone as serious about debate and talented as Viktor would find everything a bit gimmicky. But he didn’t have the headspace to worry too much about that given he still needed to confirm his orders with the caterers. Yuuri was calming himself down from his anxious thoughts when his phone lit up again. "Is it from Otabek? Hope he doesn’t think I seriously have advice for him!” Unknown Number: hello this is katsuki Yuuri right? Unknown Number: I wanted to talk to you about the tournament ‘Oh just someone who wants to know about the tournament.“ Yuuri typed up a quick response. Yuuri: yeah what’s up?

Unknown Number: Awesome! This is Viktor Nikiforov. Unfortunately, our hotel reservation got cancelled and my partner Yuri P. and I will need a place to stay!

At the realization that /Viktor Nikiforov/ was casually texting him like it was nothing, Yuuri went into auto-pilot mode, responding before he could really think of what exactly he was saying.

Yuuri: Not a problem! I made sure not to sign up to host anybody in case emergencies like this arose. You and Yuri P. are more than welcome to stay with me.

Unknown Number: Yay~! Can’t wait to meet you Yuuuri <3

The Japanese man looked down at his phone and was near ready to have a heart attack. The yay, the heart, the sentiment… did Viktor know what kind of power he had??

He clutched his chest, thinking of how utterly embarrassed he was by his response. Viktor? Housing with him? He may have to hide that framed photo of him on his desk….

Unknown Number: One last thing! Very important

Yuuri audibly gulped.

Unknown Number: Is the prize for top speaker really a giant fluffy teddy bear???? <3 <3 <3

What?

Yuuri stared at his phone for a bit, blinked, and then blinked again as he was walking back to his apartment, very nearly colliding into a fellow passerby.

Yuuri: Yeah. Phichit’s idea.

Unknown Number: I love it! Best idea ever. )))))

Maybe this was all just a really weird dream.

–

“So let me get this straight,” Phichit started, eyebrow quirked in its familiar position. “You’re asking me to get you out of providing housing for the man you’ve been in love with since freshman year.”

“Yes,”

“Despite the fact that this is the perfect opportunity to spend the night with him and tell him how you feel,”

“Yes,”

“And maybe if you’re lucky after you confess your undying love, he’ll take you into his arms and you’ll be moaning his name…”

“PHICHIT!”

“Sorry, sorry. I don’t want to imagine that either. But still, I don’t understand the problem.”

Yuuri thought about that for a bit because he knew it was irrational. Tears appeared at the edges of Yuuri’s eyes as he looked down. “I’m just….I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid that if I spend too much time with him, I’ll get my hopes just to be told that I’m not good enough,”

Phichit looked sympathetic, wrapping Yuuri in a familiar hug. “Viktor’s not going to say that to you, and if he does than I’ll push him down a small set of stairs.”

Yuuri put his head of Phichit’s shoulder, the smallest smile appearing on his lips, as he decided to play along. “That’s too obvious and I don’t want you to get in trouble. You ought trip him instead.”

Phichit laughed. “This is why I need you, Yuuri. You’re the clever one,”

“You know it.”

—

Finally it was the day of the tournament. Yuuri swallowed down his nerves, giving everyone who entered the main gathering area a friendly greeting. Phichit was running around, being personable as always, and some of the freshmen were giving directions.

Yuuri knew this tournament was going to go well. He had calculated for every chance of failure, prepared for worst and best case scenarios…

He heard the doors open and looked upward in response, ready to give his automatic response when the words froze on his lips. It was Viktor and Yuri P.

Viktor looked stunning as always in a designer beige coat that went down to his knees, while Yuri P. skulked next to him in his tiger print jacket.

“h-h-hi,” Yuuri managed.

“Where do we go to check in?” Viktor asked politely, removing his Gucci sunglasses. (Which were completely unnecessary but Viktor and his #aesthetic).

“You can check in with me,” Yuuri replied. “Looks like the two of you are here. Nice, that’s good, thanks.”

“You seem awfully nervous,” Viktor leaned forward, gazing into Yuuri’s eyes. Viktor’s eyes were such a beautiful blue, Yuuri noted. “Anything I can do to help?”

Yurio picked up on what was happening.

“Tch I didn’t come here to watch you flirt with the tournament director,” Yuri grumbled, “I’m gonna go find a vending machine,”

Yuuri, on the other hand, was still in denial. Viktor was just teasing him in hopes of getting good scores this weekend, he decided. But that didn’t stop the blush from spreading to the tips of his ears.

“Well I-I could use some help picking up the coffee containers from across campus,”

Viktor pulled back and Yuuri felt , a tinge of disappointment that was immediately replaced by his heart racing once more when Viktor took his hands. “Let’s go then!”

Phichit gave a wayward wink, before returning to talk to someone Yuuri didn’t know all too well–Seung Gil Lee, maybe?

–

The errand had gone well enough, despite Viktor’s flirty demeanor that was driving Yuuri crazy.

Of course, Viktor insisted on walking as close as possible to him as they traveled down campus, insisting he would get lost otherwise.

Of course, he let their hands brush as Yuuri reached down to pick up one of the coffee jugs with the excuse of “I didn’t know you were grabbing that one!”

Of course, Viktor leaned down in front of Yuuri to pick up an adjacent coffee jug, so that he got an eyeful of the elder’s ass.

Was Viktor this flirty with everyone?? Yuuri could feel his jealousy flaring up. I want to be the only one who sees this side of him.

Yuuri was embarrassed by the ferocity of that thought as Ciao Ciao rushed into the room. “Time for round one!”

Thank god Celestino didn’t read minds…

….shit.

Celestino was coming right towards him and Yuuri was ready for chastisement when Celestino instead patted him on the back.

“Have fun judging that round!”

Yuuri looked up at the names on the screen.

He was judging Viktor and Yuri.

Great.

—

Yuuri calmed himself down by the time he entered his assigned room, figuring it was all going to be okay. Viktor was debating against an unknown school, and he and Yuri P. were favored to win the tournament by a long shot. Yuuri wouldn’t be seen as hopelessly biased.

He went through the familiar motions as the participants filtered into the room, a small boy named Minami, ready to present the case. (Was this Minami really a college student? Yuuri couldn’t believe it.)

As the round continued on, Yuuri found the ideas presented to be interesting enough, and let his mind be blank except for what he was writing on the notepad situated in front of him.

But then he began to realize something, as he drew lines in between each argument and its response.

Viktor and Yuri were losing.

Yuuri wanted to stand up and point at the paper, to where Minami’s one big argument was circled in bold red ink.

You haven’t responded to this, idiots!

But it was in vain, he knew better than interfering as a judge.

When the time came for adjudication, Yuuri wanted to run away from this wretched decision he’d had to make. He knew it was the right one, but he was afraid his resolve would fade at any sort of confrontation.

Viktor……lost.

–

But Yuuri had to disclose his decision to the participants, so he focused on the ground while doing so, ignoring Minami’s triumphant whoops.

Viktor was understanding, when Yuuri finally looked up, his mouth a firm line, and his eyes unreadable, but thoughtfully and quietly mulling the decision over. “Thank you for your adjudication and thorough explanation,” He made a motion to leave.

Yuri on the other hand was screaming, all fire and rage. “Thank you??? The bloody pig made the wrong decision and you’re letting him get away with it!” He gave one wayward glare at Yuuri before storming off after his partner.

Yuuri spent a few minutes more in that room, wondering if he had just irrevocably ruined his chances with Viktor.

–

“Yo, whatsyourname, you’re an equity officer right? I kinda zoned out of your presentation earlier but I remember you saying you accepted equity complaints and I have a complaint to make,” Yuri’s first stop was to accost a calm Otabek, who was snacking on some chips.

“Otabek and yes?”

“The pig is out to get Viktor and I and made us lose.”

“Who is the pig?”

“Yuuri Katsuki,”

“Why are you calling him that?”

“Because…” Yuri threw up his hands in the air. “I don’t know. His background picture on Facebook is of a pork cutlet bowl and he has the same name as me which is annoying,”

Otabek ‘hmm’d. “Alright. And you think he deliberately made the decision to make you and Viktor lose, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, based on discriminatory reasons?”

Yuri hesitated again, anger losing its hold on his voice. “Well…he seemed really conflicted about the decision and he gave a lot of detail about the reasoning, and when you put it that way Viktor and I did get complacent…”

The final result was the Russian pouting. “I guess he did make the right call,”

Otabek nodded. “That’s good. I think a soldier like you wouldn’t waste his time on frivolous complaints.”

Yuri looked intrigued, “A soldier?” he tasted the word in his mouth. It sounded a lot more intimidating than the “Ice Kitten of Russia” moniker that Viktor constantly used.

“You don’t see the look in your eyes when you debate. It’s like a man who is ready to go to war,”

Yuri really liked this Otabek guy.

—

The rest of the tournament dragged on, and despite Phichit’s attempts to comfort him throughout the day, Yuuri still felt horrible about his earlier decision.

After the last round of the day, Phichit made the announcement about the party that was ~definitely not happening~ and the room began to buzz with plans to get absolutely trashed.

Yuuri was scrolling through FB on his phone, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Can I drop my stuff at your place before the party?” Viktor asked innocently.

Yuuri nodded. “Shouldn’t we wait for Yuri P.?”

“Nawh, he made a friend who he wants to hang out with.”

“Oh, okay,”

Truth be told the interaction was a lot more volatile than that.

–

“There’s no way I’m going to third wheel you and Katsuki for an entire night,”

“Yura! It’s not third wheeling, Yuuri doesn’t even like me that way!”

“Are you blind??? He’s been ogling you since you walked in through the door.”

“That’s….Well where are you staying then?”

“…Otabek said he lives nearby and I could stay over and hang out instead of going to the dumbass party.”

“Ooooo~ so you’re the one deserting me for a man?”

“Shut up Viktor or I’m taking the van back and leaving you here.”

Would that really be all that bad? “Alright, alright I’ll tell Yuuri.”

–

“Well let’s go then,” Yuuri wrapped himself tightly in his coat as the two went outside again in the blustery Detroit winter.

The walk was long, but they finally made it back to Yuuri’s place. Viktor unceremoniously dumped his stuff in the living room, and Yuuri went back to his room, giving the framed picture of Viktor a wistful look before slamming it face down on his desk.

“Can you give me a tour?” Viktor asked, eyes bright.

Yuuri rolled his eyes as he reentered the living room. “This apartment isn’t that big. You’re in the living room, the kitchen’s over there, and Phichit and I have our own rooms.”

There were a few beats of silence between them, before Viktor finally spoke up. “I know you still feel bad about earlier Yuuri, and you don’t have to. You made the right decision,”

Yuuri chanced a glance at Viktor, but didn’t say anything.

“I know I don’t,” he responded tentatively.

“But you still do,”

Yuuri shrugged, knowing Viktor was absolutely correct. So, he changed the subject. “Viktor, do you want to head to the party?”

“Not yet,” Viktor took a deep breath, unzipping his bag. “I want to unwind first,” he pulled out a flask of vodka. “Want a shot?”

“I don’t drink during tournaments,”

“Wise decision,” Viktor took a swig, before setting the vodka down and screwing back on the top. He stood up, brushing his hand against Yuuri’s cheek. “I really meant it when I said I was so excited to meet you,”

Yuuri flushed, wanting to back away and lean into the touch simultaneously. “How do you even know who I am?”

Something resembling alarm and confusion flashed in Viktor’s eyes, but he swallowed it down. “I heard about you at Nationals last year, Yuuri. You were phenomenal,”

“I only made it to Quarters, you won,”

“Yeah, because I didn’t have to debate you,” Viktor laughed. “You would have exposed all my weaknesses,”

“What weaknesses?” Yuuri scoffed.

“Well, one is a particular inability to think around guys named Yuuri Katsuki.” Viktor brushed a few strands of black hair. “One that’s affecting me pretty strongly right now,”

This is so fucking cheesy, was Yuuri’s first thought. His second thought, was, oh no, he’s hot while saying this cheesy nonsense.

Yuuri shyly forced himself to look up at Viktor, and wondered what Phichit would do in this situation.

Kiss him you idiot, said the Phichit voice in his head.

Usually, Yuuri made a habit of not listening to the Phichit voice in his head, because it often also advocated taking four shots of tequila and taking pole dancing lessons while being drunk off his ass.

But…the Phichit voice was just saying what he wanted.

Why was he so scared?

Viktor didn’t have to be this close to him! He didn’t have to be saying such flirty things!

Which meant…maybe he wanted this too?

So Yuuri leaned in to close the gap between them, and Viktor moved backwards, stunned. Alarm bells began to ring in Yuuri’s head.

Oh no I messed up, he was just platonically caressing my face and actually has a girlfriend back in Russia and has -2% interest in me.

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Viktor purred, but his bright red face portrayed his kindred embarrassment.

Yuuri took a few moments to let it all sink in.

I just kissed living legend Viktor Nikiforov…

I just kissed living legend Viktor Nikiforov…..

I am apparently currently kissing Viktor Nikiforov.

Yuuri had no intention of going to the party that night.

–

Phichit sat next to Seung Gil, as the two of them played one of Phichit’s favorite games–a fighting game that was just glorified button mashing.

“Thanks for having me over,” Phichit smiled brightly at Seung Gil, before landing a particularly devastating move. “I wanted the two love birds to be alone,”

“Love birds?” Seung Gil questioned, dodging Phichit’s repetitive “A” attacks.

“Yuuri’s been in love with Viktor since freshman year, and I figured he’d never do anything if I was around tonight, so I had to remove myself from the picture. I called the hotel to cancel Viktor’s reservation earlier this week, so I had a lot riding on this.”

“Since freshman year…” Seung Gil repeated contemplatively, choosing shrewedly to ignore Phichit’s antics. “That’s a long time to be in love with someone,”

Phichit rolled his eyes. “I know right? Yuuri’s so extra sometimes. If I liked someone I’d definitely tell them a hell of a lot sooner,”

Seung Gil nodded sagely. “Same here,”

The two shared a knowing look before returning to the video game.