[the pack has been captured by Gerard]
Stiles: Well. Since we're all gonna die, there's one more secret I want to share with you.
Stiles: I did not care for The Godfather.
Boyd: What?!
Stiles: Didn't care for it.
Lydia: How can you even say that?
Stiles: I just didn't like it.
Isaac: Stiles, it's so good--
Stiles: --didn't like it--
Isaac: --it's like the perfect movie!
Stiles: This is what everyone says. Whenever, I bring it up, they're always like, "oh--"
Erica: Robert De Niro! Al Pacino! I mean, Robert Duvall!
Stiles: I know, listen, fine actor, fine actor, but I did not like the movie.
Derek: Why not?
Stiles: I did not-- I couldn't get into it.
Derek: Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it.
Stiles: It-- it insists upon itself, Derek.
Lydia: What? What does that even mean?
Stiles: It insists upon itself.
Isaac: Because it has a valid point to make! It's insisting something important!
Stiles: It takes forever getting in, and you spend, like, six and a half hours, and then, you know, I can't even finish the movies. I've never even finished the movie.
Boyd: You've never seen the ending?!
Kira: How can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?
Erica: I agree with Kira, it's not really fair.
Isaac: Outrageous.
Stiles: I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on their easy chairs--
Lydia: Yeah, it's a great scene, I love that scene.
Stiles: But it's not a great scene!
Boyd: It's been noted in every annal.
Stiles: I have no idea what they're talking about, it's like they're speaking a different language, that's when I lose interest.
Derek: You know what, Stiles--
Isaac: THEY'RE SPEAKING ITALIAN!
Derek: --the language they're speaking is a language of subtlety, something you don't understand.
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teen wolf as b99 quotes
*lydia’s party in s2*
lydia: why is no one having a good time? i specifically requested it.
***
isaac, to lydia: derek told me not to let him get hurt tonight, so i’ll keep him away from you.
later
stiles: have you seen lydia?
isaac: lydia died eight years ago.
***
derek: oh, are you and allison no longer…
scott: smushing booties?
derek: …yes that’s exactly how i was going to phrase my sentence, scott.
***
stiles: we gotta get to hospital and we gotta get there fast.
jackson: then i should drive.
scott: why you?
jackson: i have nothing to live for and i drive like it.
stiles: …okay, let’s do it.
***
stiles: all right, give me your hair-dryer.
allison: what?
stiles: don’t you carry one in your purse?
allison: have you ever met a human woman?
stiles: …*calls lydia*
lydia: hey, stiles.
stiles: hey. do you carry a hair-dryer in your purse?
lydia: of course. i’m not an animal.
***
stiles: you think you can just bully people, but you can’t. it’s not okay.
stiles: i’m the bully around here. ask anyone.
***
erica: i’m not a stone cold bitch.
erica: i’m a natural, beautiful presence.
***
stiles: do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have the same personality as me?
***
peter: we can go to my apartment. no one knows where i live.
derek: i thought you had stiles over once.
peter: yeah, it was fun. i moved the next day.
peter: he would way too easily use that information against me.
stiles: he’s right, i would.
***
scott: stiles, i screwed up, big time.
stiles: scott, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
***
kira: ‘writing things down’ is nerdy!? what do you do?
malia: i just forget stuff like a cool person.
***
allison: you are disturbingly good at this.
lydia: i grew up forging report cards.
lydia: if people knew how smart i was, it would have been harder to control them.
***
stiles: are you a minor? how old are you?
liam: i’m 610. i’m a highlander.
stiles: okay, you know what? i’m gonna put that in there.
stiles: and then you’re gonna be tried as an adult highlander, and they’re gonna cut your head off.
***
erica: what do you look for in a guy?
stiles: i don’t know, real stuff. shape of his ass.
erica: yeah that tracks
***
scott: i straight up drove him off, big screw up on my part.
derek:
scott: i’m trying this new thing, where i just own my mistakes. i like it, do you?
derek: i did. until you bragged about it.
***
boyd: you searched for ‘cheapest date possible’.
stiles: and i wear that search like a badge of honor.
***
scott: wow, your handshake is quite firm.
kira: i took a seminar.
scott: where?
***
stiles: a parsec is actually a measure of distance. that’s one of the many inaccuracies in the ‘Star Wars’ universe.
malia: and what’s ‘Star Wars’?
stiles: oh boy.
***
scott: okay- no big deal, five days is nothing. i’m not afraid to be alone with my own thoughts.
scott: my thoughts are awesome. die hard 6 on a cruise ship… pizza bagel restaurant…
scott: my father never loved me, i’m gonna die alone.
scott: oh boy, that escalated quick.
***
stiles: well, remember when you told me not to burn down the precinct?
sheriff stilinski: you burned down the precinct??
stiles: no, i had the fire put out almost immediately. this is a success story!
***
stiles: peter, this isn’t High School Musical.
scott: yeah, peter, this isn’t High School Musical 2.
stiles: yeah, and it isn’t High School Musical 3: Senior Year.
***
boyd: i’m fine at parties.
boyd: i just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.
***
derek: i only feel one emotion, and it’s anger.
isaac: last night you drunk-texted the whole pack a bunch of heart emojis.
derek: …out of anger.
***
stiles, to jackson: no hard feelings. but i hate you.
stiles: not joking. bye.
***
lydia: give me the ring.
stiles: ha, you sound like Gollum.
lydia: that means nothing to me.
lydia: i don’t see those movies, i’m too pretty.
***
stiles, walking out after a pack meeting ends: sexy train is leaving the station.
stiles: check out this caboose! later, sluts.
***
scott: look at me. do not blow this for us.
random dog that allison hit with her car:
***
peter: i really miss these people, the whole pack. stiles, scott…
peter: …i forget all their other names.
derek: *judgemental eyebrow raise*
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random teen wolf headcanons
PAIRING : none, general hc
CONTENT : fluff
stiles and issac are the resident stoners and when theyre having a sesh is the only time they get along
noah and melissa had a phase of hooking up when the boys were younger as a way to get put frustration after the mccall’s divorce and claudia's death.
scott and stiles played tball and soccer when they were young
stiles is an avid old school gamer and plays tf out of the og zelda games
lydia believes in astrology + stiles makes fun of her for it
parrish got into legal trouble for hacking when he was a teenager
stiles’ love language is words of affirmation and scott’s is physical touch
scott and issac love to race each other through the preserve like little kids sometimes derek joins in
derek is VERY protective over his betas and will square up w a human teenager over them
derek bought a apartment complex for all the betas to live in + offers one to theo when they find out he's homeless
theo LOVES romcoms but will threaten to kill u if u ever tell anyone
liam has been prone to breaking bones by falling out of trees and dirt biking when he was younger
erica really loves photo albums and takes polaroids of the pack (derek acts like he hates it but hes so grateful for his lil family)
boyd is the only one who can beat stiles at chess and it kills stiles
boyd helps erica with her hair when she has little to no energy
malia really likes being read to, and falls asleep easier if shes read to
derek tries really hard to bond with malia and bring her into the family
scott hosts pack nights where all the shifters + others get together and they order food and have a movie / game night bc he wants everyone to get along
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