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#make whatever art or commentary you want to make but just make sure you mean what you say
kaurwreck · 6 months
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please note that Rosie the Riveter is American WW2 propaganda urging women to work in factories and shipyards during World War II, often to produce munitions and war supplies. and yosano akiko lived just long enough to see the first American air raid on japan.
(for reference, later in the war, a single American air raid would destroy 42% of the city of Yokohama, killing an estimated 7,000-8,000 people, mostly civilians. in total, American air raids on japan killed hundreds of thousands of civilians and rendered many more wounded or homeless. )
i also think it's important to acknowledge that in the last ten years of her life, yosano akiko became more militaristic and nationalistic despite decades of pacificism; she praised japanese imperialism and supported war with China, the US, and the UK. it's dark and ugly and discordant with her taisho anti-war poetry, but nevertheless, it's a part of her legacy.
bsd is fictional work, but it's steeped in and draws inspiration from multiple world wars and eras marked by militarism, nationalism, and imperialism. some stuff is going to be more obscure depending on your cultural context, but for prolific and well documented material like war propaganda, it's worth engaging with mindfully and with intention.
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snorlaxlovesme · 1 month
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if my heart was a compass, you'd be north
Asymmetry is Death the Kid’s main weakness, and Black Star knows it. When he sees Kid’s arm get blown off by Noah in Baba Yaga’s Castle, he knows that Kid won’t be able to fight back. Jumping between them is easier than breathing, and getting trapped in the Book of Eibon is something he believes he can endure. And maybe he can, so long as he believes rescue is coming. But what happens when no one at the DWMA seems to find Black Star’s rescue mission as important as Kid does? Pairings: Death the Kid / Black Star Warnings: violence, suicide ideation, panic attacks, depression Ao3 link: [x] Partners' artwork: @drowsystarlight Neeks [x] @vin420 Vin [x] Happy Chibiverb '24!! In the spirit of signing up for a cute and fun mini-bang in the fandom, my dumb ass wrote 23k words 💀But that's because I had such wonderful partners, with fantastic ideas and even more fantastic art! Make sure to like and reblog their work as well! If for some reason you want to read the whole thing in one insanely long tumblr post, here it is! If not, please use the the ao3 link above
prologue
Inanely, the first thing Black Star thinks as he watches Mifune fall to the ground is this should feel better.
He doesn’t even fully know what he means by that. But when he looks at his adversary, his rival, dead on the ground before him, he expects a sense of completion to wash over him that never comes. Will it ever come?
Tsubaki transforms, holding Black Star by the shoulders as she gently lowers him to the ground. His wounds must look worse than they are, because concern paints her features as she looks him over, like she can’t quite decide which injury to treat first. Luckily, Sid is close by. The bastard was probably watching the whole fight and doing dumb commentary like he did when Black Star fought Kid last. He doesn’t say anything, no congratulations or kind words, just gives him a once over with his dead zombie eyes before holding out his knife and letting Nygus transform. She gets to work bandaging him immediately.
“You okay?” she asks kindly. She’s probably worried about how he would feel after taking out Mifune. And sure, that’s part of it, but not all of it.
Black Star can’t help instinctually posturing. “Of course, I’m okay, why wouldn’t I be?” he asks. He can’t see Nygus’s full face beneath the mask of bandages she wears, but he sees her expression shift when she sees his petulant frown. She has the decency not to comment on it, at least.
Sure, it’s a very loose definition of “okay.” The slice on his foot hurts like a motherfucker, and his eye and cheek are starting to swell up from Mifune’s onslaught of attacks. The wounds on his arms are mostly superficial, but Nygus finishes wrapping them with care before reaching into her medipack for a cold compress for his head. He’s probably not concussed, but whatever.
Tsubaki crouches down and gives Black Star that good natured-smile she always does when she can tell he’s lying to himself. “Of course you are,” she says. Then her tone shifts ever so slightly. A little bit more serious. This question isn’t one she wants answered with a lie. “But are you satisfied?”
That is a better question. And the answer is simple: no.
Will he ever be?
“Tsubaki,” Black Star says quietly, turning to look at where Mifune lays. “Do you think I’m closer to beating God, now?”
She lays a hand on his shoulder, right next to the slash mark through his tattoo.
“You’ve never been closer,” she says matter-of-factly.
That may be so.
But that’s not good enough.
He can still remember the crater in the ground, the rubber heel of a leather shoe crushing him into the concrete.
He looks at Tsubaki, his good eye blazing with determination.
There’s one more person Black Star still has to face.
---
“Where do you think he’d be?” Black Star asks as he races through Baba Yaga’s Castle.
It was easier than he thought to slip away from Sid and Nygus. For all their care, they were never the most observant guardians, and with the battle raging on around them it was easy to wait for them to focus on their comms so Tsubaki and Black Star could slip away.
“I don’t know,” Tsubaki says from her ninja sword form. Her wavelength is equal parts supportive and worried. She knows that Black Star needs this closure, but she’s still concerned about his injuries. Before she transformed, she offered to carry Black Star at least until they got inside the castle, but he laughed right in her face. Injury or not, the great Black Star doesn’t need to be carried.
He still has adrenaline pumping through him from his fight with Mifune. He might be limping a bit from the wound on his foot, but he’s still capable of moving on his own, and most of the grunts in Baba Yaga’s Castle look like they’ve been taken care of already. He sees dark clothed mounds lying on the ground in every corridor he takes, so at least he knows the rest of the teams were doing something while he crushed every other fighter outside.
“Sid mentioned that they still needed to destroy the moral manipulation machine,” Tsubaki says from her weapon form. “If I had to guess, that’s probably where Kid is heading.”
Black Star has no idea where that might be. He never bothered to look at those maps and blueprints that Sid and Nygus had scattered between them. Black Star was a big man, he didn’t need some stupid map.
Soul Perception would be nice in this moment, but that was like the one meister ability that Black Star didn’t have. Not that he needed it. He had his ninja intuition, which some might say was better than Soul Perception anyway.
“Kid’s a god, right? And gods don’t mess around with mini bosses. There’s no way he’s dicking around in one of these spindly spider legs. If he’s anywhere, he’s going to the heart.”
My heart is different than a human heart, Black Star. Maybe shinigamis just feel differently than humans do.
“Black Star?”
Black Star blinks. Without even realizing, he had skidded to a halt.
“Sorry,” he says, breaking into a run again. “Like I said, he’s probably in the heart of the castle.”
Whatever, Black Star thinks, shaking the memory from mind like it was one of the cobwebs that covered every corner of this castle. That stuff was in the past, and this was the present. He’d prove to Kid now just how big of a man he’d become, even with his stupid human heart.
He gets to the heart faster than he would have thought. The corridor he’s been running through opens up into a large room, and at the center sits a complicated looking machine.
“You think that’s it?” Black Star asks Tsubaki.
She doesn’t get the chance to answer, because at that second Black Star hears Kid’s voice, coming from one of the other hallways leading to this giant room.
“Who are you?” Kid asks, and he sounds…scared? That can’t be right. But he sounds rattled, and that is enough to put Black Star back on high alert. He’s been in battle with Kid enough times to know that he’s an extremely even-tempered fighter.
Black Star almost charges ahead, but a sharp feeling from Tsubaki slows him down. He can feel through her wavelength that she’s still nervous about his injuries. And if this person is strong enough to make Kid sound like that, Black Star needs to tread lightly.
It’s not Black Star’s style, and he wants to object, but he’s leaving bloody footprints behind from where the bandage on his foot has already been soaked through. His right eye is almost entirely swollen shut now.
He reluctantly blends in with the shadows, erasing his breath.
“My name isn’t important,” comes a deep voice. “But I know yours, Death the Kid.”
From Black Star’s vantage point, he can see Kid’s expression tense. It’s not unrealistic that someone would know of Kid, he’s the son of Lord Death, but something about this man’s tone doesn’t sound like he knows Kid superficially.
A hand reaches out, and that’s about all Black Star sees before one of Kid’s arms is blown clean off.
Black Star freezes.
In all their training together, Black Star has barely been able to lay a hand on Kid. This man ripped his arm off like he was flicking lint off Kid’s suit.
“Death the Kid,” the man says as Kid falls to the ground, gasping. Black Star can hear the tinny echoes of Liz and Patti calling out for him in their weapon forms. Kid doesn’t move from where he lays.
His adversary finally comes into view. A tall, dark-skinned man with a knowing smile on his face steps from the shadows and looks down his nose at Kid.
“I know all about you, little fragment,” he says smugly. He kicks Kid roughly, flipping him onto his back with his boot. Kid is still immobile, eyes glued to where his arm used to be, hardly breathing. “I know that you value order more than anything. And that all it takes is someone ruining your symmetry to render you incapacitated.”
Liz and Patti’s cries get louder.
“Tsubaki,” Black Star hisses through gritted teeth.
“He could kill you,” Tsubaki whispers back. She sounds terrified. “You have to call for back-up.”
But she knows Black Star would never do that. And even if he did, there’d be no time. This guy could kill Kid. And he might do it now.
“Shuriken mode,” he hisses again, barely able to stop a yell from ripping out of him.
“Black Star, no.”
There’s the shuffling sound of movement and voices coming from the corridor Black Star took to get here. It’s faint, but it could be allies approaching.
But Kid still isn’t moving. His breathing is getting loud and reedy, and his eyes are wide with panic. It’s written all over his face. His symmetry. His symmetry. His symmetry. He’s not going to fight back, and right now there’s no one else around to fight for him.
The mage holds up his hand again, and when Black Star sees a glint of metal, he knows he doesn’t have time to wait.
“Black Star don’t do this—” comes from behind him, because Black Star has dropped Tsubaki to the ground.
It almost feels like he’s seeing himself from outside his body. Black Star leaps from the shadows, red-soaked bandages trailing behind him as he skids between Kid and the enemy. His arm is already cocked back, prepared to punch this asshole in the face—
But something happens. The man seems to register the situation at hand in record time. His eyes flick to the far corridor, then Black Star, then Kid, and within the span of an instant makes a choice. Lightning fast, his grip locks around Black Star’s wrist, catching his punch before he’s even finished his wind-up. Black Star hears Tsubaki scream and flinches, waiting for the pain of his own arm being blown away, but instead a shackle locks onto him.
“What the—”
The other wrist. The metal clamps down and within seconds of Black Star’s approach he’s been neatly detained. He doesn’t even have a moment to process the situation before the man holds up a piece of paper.
A symbol in the center of it glows brightly.
That’s the last thing Black Star sees before he disappears.
-
-
-
-
2. death the kid
The time that passes by feels like an eternity.
DWMA medics approach, immediately working on wrapping up Kid and preparing to ship him back the academy for surgery.
Eternity.
Kid opening his eyes post-operation, seeing Liz and Patti sitting beside him.
Eternity.
Black Star officially being declared missing in action.
Eternity.
-
If Kid had to describe the mood of the scene before him, he’d describe it, bafflingly, as cheerful.
DWMA students whoop and holler in the gym as the impromptu sparring tournament wages on, the losers propped up against the wall with bloody noses and cold compresses pressed to their faces while the remaining contestants re-wrap their fingers.
In one swift kick, Patti drops another adversary, Kim falling flat on her back. Patti presses a knee into her chest and grins down at her like the devil.
“Okay, okay!” Kim wheezes, still struggling to take in a full breath. “I give, God! Get off me!”
Kid can tell from her expression that Patti hoped Kim would last longer. For making it this many rounds she seemed to give up remarkably easy.
“Who’s next?!” she shouts triumphantly, which only makes the crowd gathered around the ring roar louder.
Kid slinks farther back into the crowd, lest someone ask him to participate.
He hasn’t sparred with anyone one-on-one since his last fight with Black Star. Somehow it doesn’t feel right to participate in this kind of playful tomfoolery when he thinks about the condition Black Star could be in right now.
It’s been two weeks since the attack on Baba Yaga’s Castle. Kid only got to see Black Star for but a moment, his shadow casting down on Kid as he leapt in between Kid and the mage who had blown off his arm. Kid saw the determined arch of his back, the fist he had been prepared to throw, the bloodied bandages trailing behind him like scarves, and then in the space between breaths—
He was gone.
Kid picks up the pace, leaving the gym and heading straight for the Death Room.
Lord Death has been cagey about the investigation at best. Not like Kid expected anything different from him, but for this particular case it feels especially egregious. Black Star was already so injured from his fight with Mifune. When he disappeared all he left behind was bloodied footprints in the corridors and Tsubaki’s anguished cries.
He could be anywhere right now, and everyone else is having fun?
The sound of Tsubaki’s voice causes Kid to jump a little, so caught in his own reverie he hadn’t noticed he was passing by the DWMA infirmary.
“Come on, Angela. You have to eat your food, not just play with it,” she says softly.
The adolescent witch Mifune had been guarding is now being protected by the DWMA. Every day it feels like the world is tipping a little further on its axis. Kid used to be able to keep up with these kind of changes, but now it feels like the world continues to spin while Kid is stuck in place.
“I’m saving some for Mifune!” he hears Angela call from her bed. “Will he be here soon?”
Tsubaki doesn’t miss a beat. “He won’t be coming ‘til later, so you have to eat your food by yourself, okay?”
The academy decided it was best to forego telling Angela about Mifune’s fate. With her being so young, the pull of madness caused by her magic was still a very real possibility, and telling her traumatic news like that without a safeguard prepared was too dangerous, especially considering all the other issues the DWMA was dealing with for the moment.
Angela, in all her innocence, doesn’t miss a beat.
“Should we save some for Black Star?”
Ice flows through Kid’s veins.
It takes a lot longer for Tsubaki’s response this time. Quiet and choked, she murmurs. “Your food will get cold if you wait for him. Eat what you can, okay?”
Tsubaki politely excuses herself for a moment, and Kid doesn’t have time to pull himself together before Tsubaki is hurrying out of the Infirmary and almost crashing into him.
She stops short, stumbling backwards.
Kid looks at her.
Tsubaki looks at him.
For a few moments, neither of them seem to be able to speak. Kid feels his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, struggling to put together words that he’s had two weeks to tell her and still hasn’t had the guts to. Tsubaki’s blank stare is carefully constructed, not a single bit of emotion finding its way through.
Tsubaki quietly passes him, leaving just as quickly as she came.
Shame burns through Kid. He continues walking.
He gets to the Death Room just as his father appears to be finishing up a briefing. Professor Stein and Miss Marie have returned from wherever the hell they’ve been, and in true Lord Death fashion, it seems like he’s forgiven their transgressions instantly.
Kid silently slinks into the room, taking his spot on the throne-like chair Lord Death had constructed for him for a birthday not long ago. Kid felt he needed something regal to suit his position as a shinigami. He cringes now as he sits down upon it.
They finish their briefing, believing that Justin Law is the culprit who killed Joe Butataki, a meister who had a unique Soul Perception ability that made him a human lie detector.
“We believe Justin killed BJ to prevent the DWMA from being able to interrogate captured enemies,” Stein says clinically as he lights up a cigarette. “We also believe that other meisters with similar Soul Perception abilities will become targets for Justin and the Clowns moving forward.”
“Like who?” Lord Death says, cocking his head to the side playfully.
“Me, probably,” Stein says, though he hardly looks concerned. “Maka Albarn.” Death Scythe leaps from his seat at that. “And Kid too, no doubt.”
The hollow eyes of Lord Death’s mask do not betray his emotions, if he feels anything at all.
“Well,” he says seriously, taking a breath. Kid thinks for a moment that he might actually be showing some sort of concern or serious decorum, but within an instant his voice has switched back to bright and zany. “I guess we’ll just have to be on high alert!”
Kid scoffs.
“Stein, you and Marie will remain on the case to continue looking for Justin and find out what he’s up to. Spirit, let me know if you find anymore information about Medusa’s research or the whereabouts of the Demon Sword. That will be all! Dismissed!”
They all nod and file out solemnly, leaving Kid alone with his father, who has pointedly ignored his flabbergasted expression.
“That’s it?” Kid asks, heated.
Lord Death turns to face him. “Kid! You’re so quiet I hardly noticed you come in! What is it?”
“What do you mean ‘what is it’? Are you not even looking for that mage?”
Lord Death nods solemnly like he understands where Kid is coming from. “I’m no less upset than you are about the man who hurt you, Kid, but there will be a time and a place for you take out your frustrations.”
“I don’t care about me!” Kid shouts. He waves his arms in the air to prove it. The reattachment of his arm was a success, and being a shinigami means that it was completely healed within a few days. “That man took Black Star with him! Are you even looking for him?”
Lord Death fixes him with that blank stare again. Kid expects another stupid mood shift, but for once his voice remains even.
“Like I said, Kid. There will be a time and place.”
-
Time and place, his ass.
It’s been a month and a half, and progress on Black Star’s case is as slow as it’s ever been.
Be reasonable, a part of Kid thinks. The DWMA has about fifty different cases open right now. The Kishin is out there somewhere, amplifying the madness of the world just with his presence alone. Medusa has escaped DWMA custody once more after taking over Arachne’s corpse. Crona is still missing. Justin Law is still at large after killing BJ. Black Star’s case is just one of many, and there’s only so many directions the academy can focus its attention without spreading its forces too thin.
But the larger part of Kid thinks FUCK reasonable.
He tears through the academy library like the perpetrator lies within the pages of the dusty books lining the shelves. Black Star’s condition is still unknown. He could be anywhere. They could be doing anything to him. That’s if he’s even alive. He rips more books from the shelves of the restricted sections and throws them on the oak desk he’s been occupying for the past several weeks.
He hates this. He could be out there searching for Black Star, doing something to help him since no one else seems to give a damn. But he doesn’t know where to look. The mage that captured him is unknown to the academy, so now here Kid is, another night at the library attacking precarious stacks of books before him like he has an agenda against them specifically.
If he could just find some iota of helpful information, he could jumpstart the investigation. But most of the witches within these texts are long dead, and any material on Medusa or Arachne is surely being safeguarded by Sid right now, as he spearheads every other mission possible besides the one to save his foster son. Kid clenches his fists, struggling against the urge to sweep all the books off the desk and scream.
He hisses through his teeth and lets his fingers creep in front of him until they collide with a disposable paper coffee cup. He takes a long drink of the tepid contents inside. It was an offering from Liz and Patti, who are allergic to quiet, stuffy libraries but wanted to show their support in his efforts. The seat across from him was occupied by Maka a few hours ago, but she had to leave to go train with Soul, probably practicing their new Death Scythe techniques.
If this was a normal day, it would be Black Star would be sitting across from him. He was always somehow finding Kid when he was in the middle of studying and doing everything humanly possible to get him to stop. He’d crunch loudly on a snack not suited for library consumption and swipe sips of Kid’s coffee when he thought he wasn’t looking. Pencil tapping, idle humming, leg jittering, he’d last maybe ten minutes before loudly complaining that whatever Kid was learning in his textbook Black Star could teach him with his fists twice as fast.
“Soul Theory: A Study of Resonance Through the Ages?” Kid asked, one of the last time Black Star found him at this very desk. “You can teach me that with fighting?”
“Pff, sure I can,” Black Star said dismissively. He’d probably never opened that textbook in his life. “All that soul theory is junk anyway. Resonance is all about trusting your partner. You don’t need to read a book to know that, right?”
And, somehow, that worked. Kid found himself being dragged from the library by the wrist, Black Star cackling like a maniac for winning the war on Kid’s studies yet again (he was currently undefeated). They ended up in the weight room wailing on one of the more heavy-duty punching bags, then switching to bare-handed combination work when Nygus yelled at them to stop damaging the equipment.
Kid threw a punch at Black Star, hard enough to slice the air. It probably would have killed a normal human, but Black Star braced himself and caught Kid’s fist, holding tightly and absorbing the impact.
“Jeez, Kid, I had no idea you were that strong!” Kilik called from the corner of the gym.
Kid ducked under one of Black Star’s swings and glanced in Kilik’s direction, where he was examining the bag that would have to be re-stuffed sometime later.
Black Star dropped his hands, turning an ugly face to Kilik. “Um, hello? Your god is right here. Where’s Black Star’s praise?”
Kilik waved him off dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, we know you’re strong. But I didn’t know Kid was so good at hand-to-hand! Why don’t you do more close combat fighting, Kid? I know the Thompsons are guns, but if you wanted, you could practice with Fire and Thunder for a bit, just to see how it feels.”
Kid didn’t know what to say. He’d never trade in his partners for someone else’s, but he appreciated Kilik’s compliment and his offer. He was about to tell him so when Black Star butted in.
“You wanna know why Kid doesn’t do close combat? I’ll show ya.”
In a blink he was at Kid’s side. Kid put up his fists to block, so focused on an oncoming attack he wasn’t mentally prepared for Black Star pinching the sleeve of his shirt at the elbow and neatly ripping it off in one swift motion.
Kid fell to the floor instantly, eyes full of tears.
Black Star cackled.
“See? When Kid gets in close with an enemy, he runs the risk of getting his symmetry all screwed up.”
“Ohhh, so that’s why he fights with Liz and Patti.”
“That’s why he has me,” Black Star said confidently. “I do all the dirty work so Kid can focus on the battle. It’s simple stuff, really.” Black Star rubbed his nose smugly.
Kilik nodded. “I guess when you put it like that, you guys make a pretty good Resonance Team.”
Black Star snorted. “’Course we do. Any team with me on it is the best, after all.” He turned to Kid, who hadn’t stopped weeping in the fetal position during the entire exchange. “You wanna go get lunch? I’m starved.”
Kid’s crying continued.
Black Star rolled his eyes. He bent down and grabbed the other sleeve, ripping it more carefully to ensure it matched the first.
Kid’s crying stopped.
“Lunch?” Black Star asked again, standing up to his full height and reaching a grabby hand towards Kid.
Kid can still remember the warmth of that hand, and the warmth of that statement.
It’s simple stuff, really.
But it wasn’t. Kid was the most powerful meister at the DWMA. He didn’t advertise that he had such a glaringly obvious weakness. In fact, he’d gone so far as to never articulate it, which made it all the more meaningful that Black Star had so easily clocked it and always covered Kid without a second thought. Even during their battle for Brew, when Mosquito came barreling towards Kid, Black Star was there in an instant, taking the brunt of the damage. He’d pushed himself to the limit with the Uncanny Sword, all to keep Mosquito’s eyes on him. When Kid launched that final attack, it felt like a victory for both of them, with Kid emerging unscathed while Black Star could hardly stand.
But in turn, that memory always bumped into an uglier one. Not a sleeve, but an arm ripped from its socket, laying limp on the cobbled castle floor before him. It must have hurt, but Kid couldn’t even recall the pain. It was the asymmetry. The imbalance had him spiraling. It wasn’t a sleeve that time. He couldn’t be re-balanced in that moment, and he was going to be killed. Kid had been so certain of it, lying there on the ground, watching that menacing hand reach for him.
See? When Kid gets in close with an enemy, he runs the risk of getting his symmetry all screwed up.
It was going to be the end of him, and that’s all there was to it. It’s simple stuff, really. The trait that made him Death the Kid going to be his downfall, and in a way that seemed fitting.
In his shock, he barely saw Black Star leap between him and the mage. Kid only saw Black Star’s battered silhouette for one heart-stopping moment before he was gone.
And now Kid sits here, in the quiet library, waiting for someone to disturb his peace like always. But Black Star isn’t here.
Kid hangs his head low, the text on the dusty book before him beginning to blur. He rubs his eyes and slams the book shut.
-
This one-man search is running Kid ragged. He’s been at it for days—weeks, even—and his search is yielding no results.
If Kid thought sleep would help, it doesn’t. Probably because sleep hardly comes. He lays in his bed at the Gallows Mansion and stares at the ceiling bitterly, waiting for rest to wash over him, but his eyes stay stubbornly open.
It’s not like it would do him much good anyway. His dreams are often occupied by Black Star. Finding him too late, dead. Finding him on time, but he’s angry at Kid. Seeing the curl of his lip as he looks at Kid, just like the last time he saw him, the last proper time, when Black Star had come up to him and picked a fight with him in the DWMA courtyard after defiling the academy’s symmetry once again. There was a darkness growing within Black Star that Kid had been pointedly ignoring for some time, and when it all came to a hilt Kid pounded him into the ground, which only seemed to make matters worse.
Kid dreams of that too.
It seems unfair that, as a shinigami, he isn’t able to use his godly powers to control the narrative of his dreams. What’s the point of having all this power if he can’t even will his unconscious mind to draw up Black Star’s smile?
He gives up. There’s no point in lying here if nothing is going to happen. He leaps off his bed, stalking to the corner of the room and flicking the light switch, letting the ornate chandelier in the center of the room illuminate the endless night. Liz and Patti are in their rooms down the hall, so he doesn’t bother waking them. Someone around here should get some rest, even if it can’t be him.
His father won’t be home, but he doesn’t expect him to be. It’s a rare occasion to see Lord Death hover down the halls of the Gallows Mansion, and frankly it’s kind of creepy when he does. Kid can’t remember the last time he’s seen his father sleep. Has he ever slept? Would Kid know if he had?
It doesn’t matter.
He goes to his backpack and pulls out one of the offending books from the library. He has a clearer head now, exhausted as he feels. He was just reading up on Eibon, the magic user Kid and his friends saw during the Battle for Brew. He’s one of the few recorded mages in history powerful enough capture an Ancient One, someone like Lord Death, and imprison them in a place where they would be undetected. Lord Death claims Eibon has been dead for hundreds of years, but maybe someone is using one of his techniques to remain hidden from the DWMA?
Kid rubs his eyes, and jots down frantic notes about Eibon to ask his father the next time he sees him. He looks at the clock. Three a.m. He wonders what horrible dream will await him when he finally falls asleep. A good memory, he pleads with his brain as he feels his eyelids begin to droop. He folds his arms on his desk for a moment and rests his head on them. He turns his face and looks at his bed, blinking slowly. He knows he should get up, walk the couple feet to his mattress and fall into the nothingness, but his eyes linger on the edge of his bedframe.
It was the last place he saw Black Star smile, before everything turned to shit…
-
“Me and Tsubaki were thinking about leaving for a bit,” Black Star said seriously. Kid stopped his meticulous work and snapped his head to attention. “Taking a trip to Japan, maybe.”
It was a typical night for the two of them. Tsubaki and the Thompsons were having a Girls Night back at Black Star’s apartment, leaving the boys to themselves at the Gallows Mansion. Boys Night was supposed to be serious. Kid and Black Star had an upcoming Meister Exam they should’ve been studying for, and Kid had gravely promised to tutor Black Star. They’d donned their pajamas, Black Star in a muscle tank and shorts, and Kid in a silk black matched button-down set, and cracked open their books for all of 15 seconds before Kid saw Black Star’s dog-eared and crumpled book and promptly had a meltdown about it.
So there they were, Black Star was doing 800 elevated one-armed push-ups, while Kid had pulled the binding from Black Star’s textbook and was now painstakingly ironing each of the pages with a steamer. He placed each leaf of paper under a towel on the ironing board before him and pressed the iron down on them, then delicately stacked them beside him.
Kid looked at Black Star, where he hadn’t stopped working out, lowering his body to the floor in even, measured reps.
“You’re leaving?” Kid asked, doing his best to sound curious instead of concerned. “What, like on a sabbatical?”
“What? No. Just like, a vacation. Kind of. So we can learn more about her weapon form.”
Kid rolled his eyes. “Black Star, you just described a sabbatical.”
“Whatever, man.”
Kid nodded. He felt a little better, knowing there was a reason behind Black Star’s sudden decision to leave. He’d felt…off lately. The past couple battles they’d been in had resulted in losses. Kid had read Black Star’s file before, he knew that he and Tsubaki only had a handful of souls to their names, but for some reason those recent losses seemed to have been weighing on Black Star more heavily than others.
Kid picked up another page of Black Star’s textbook and placed it under the towel. “Are you going to Japan to meet Tsubaki’s family?” He clicked the steam button several times.
Black Star slowed down his reps slightly. “Yeah. Figured they might be able to help. She says they’re good people. They might know something about the Uncanny Sword that we don’t. Maybe it’ll help me conquer it.”
“Seems like a good idea to me,” Kid said, lifting a corner of the towel to peek at the page. Still a tad wrinkled. He also took a peek at Black Star, whose expression was similarly crumpled. “So why do you seem nervous?”
“Who says I’m nervous?” Black Star snapped defensively, lip curled.
Kid’s eyebrows shot up.
When Black Star saw his expression, he looked apologetic. He pulled his feet from the edge of the mattress and sat on the floor against the bedframe. “Fine. Maybe I’m feeling off.” He scratched the back of his head and looked at the floor. “The last time Tsubaki and I went to Japan didn’t go well. The Star Clan wreaked a lot of havoc there. They’re not exactly my biggest fans.”
The fingers of his left hand crawled up his right arm, unconsciously covering his tattoo.
“It feels like everything I do is attached to him, somehow. Like even when I do good things, it doesn’t make up for what he did.”
Kid would never say it aloud, but he liked this side of Black Star. It didn’t come out often, and normally when it did, he was in a bad mood, but there was something intriguing about quiet, pensive Black Star. Kid had never needed to ask Black Star his feelings before. Any other day he’d already be scaling a building to shout them to the entire world. But the dip in his eyebrows were a foreign language that Kid longed to be fluent in. At that moment, he could only guess what thoughts were swirling through Black Star’s head.
“You want your good deeds to balance out his bad ones? That sounds—”
Black Star groaned.  “Don’t say ‘like symmetry—’”
Kid met his eyes. “I was going to say ‘unfair.’”
That stopped Black Star short.
Kid put down his iron and sat on the floor by Black Star. The pages could wait.
“You aren’t your father, Black Star. You shouldn’t compare yourself to him.”
Black Star scoffed. “Like you don’t?”
Kid opened his mouth, then closed it.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. It doesn’t matter if your parents are gods or murderers. People look at you and can’t help but think of them. Of what you should be.”
Kid understood. He’d spent his whole life being “Lord Death’s son.” Human adults looked at him reverently, knowing the power he held despite his youthful appearance. The students at the DWMA looked at him with envy, seeing how accomplished he was as a meister while hardly trying. Even when Black Star first met him, his first thought was to attack him and test his strength.
“It’s different for me, though,” Kid said. “No one wants you to be like your father. For me, people don’t just want me to be like mine, it’s expected.” This wasn’t where he anticipated this conversation to go, but once it came out, he surprised himself with the emotion packed in the statement. “I will be Lord Death one day. And everyone assumes I’ll be just like him. But I’m not.”
He spun a skull shaped ring on his right index finger. Then the one on his left.
“No one understands my need for balance. They think I’ll grow out of it one day, and maybe I will. But I don’t want to. It feels like what I was made for, somehow.”
He clasped his hands together tightly.
“But no one understands it.”
“Well, can’t you just be a shinigami that focuses on balance? That doesn’t sound so bad.”
Kid stopped the tremor that threatened to run through him at how much he wanted it. How much he craved to be allowed to act the way he desired without being shamed for it. It was a thought no one ever allowed him to entertain. It was always stop being so neurotic, Kid. Pull yourself together, Kid. You’ll never be anything if you keep acting this way, Kid. Black Star might have been one of the few people that didn’t talk to him that way, in fact.
But it didn’t change who he was.
Kid slumped heavily against the bedframe beside Black Star. “I can long for order all I want. But when it comes down to it, my name is Death too.”
Black Star matched his pose, staring forlornly at the ceiling. “Guess we’re both fucked, then.”
Kid closed his eyes and let a breath out of his nose, close to a laugh.
There was something comforting about Black Star relating to his shinigami problems. Or, perhaps more specifically, being related to at all. Kid thought he’d gotten so used to being separate from humanity. For the majority of his life, he’d been told that he wasn’t like the people he would be serving one day. Being able to relate to Black Star proved that Kid might not be as “other” as he had been led to believe.
Kid thought about how otherworldly Lord Death—his own father— felt, even to him, and cringed at the thought that this moment might one day feel like a distant memory. Being shoulder to shoulder with Black Star in their pajamas, commiserating about their parents like two teenage boys afraid of growing up. What would it feel like, when he’s Lord Death one day? Would Black Star feel further away? Would it feel like that moment minutes ago, when Black Star said he’d be leaving? His stomach swooped again at the thought of it.
He wanted to revel in it. This closeness. He leaned heavily to his left, knocking shoulders with Black Star. The warmth of his skin against Kid’s was comforting. The contact was familiar.
“I’m sure the others feel like that too. Maka feels pressure because of her parents, surely.”
Black Star bore the weight of Kid easily, not bothering to push him away.
“Yeah, but the difference is Maka loves her parents, despite how she acts.” Black Star said matter-of-factly. Kid felt inclined to agree.
How Black Star felt about his father went without saying. He turned a little to face Kid. “Do you love your old man?”
It stopped Kid short. Kid chewed on the question for a while. He wasn’t sure.
They weren’t particularly affectionate with one another. He’d hardly even felt the desire to spend time with his father as of late. Maybe it was just because he finally had other friends. He had Liz and Patti, partners who loved him and complemented him better than anyone else in the world. He had Soul and Maka, who always treated him so warmly, inviting him to their apartment for tea and gossip like any other student. He had Stein and Miss Marie and Sid, authority figures that treated him like a child instead of a prince. And he had…
He looked at Black Star quickly, then looked away.
“I don’t know,” he said, answering Black Star’s question. “Maybe shinigamis love differently than humans do. He always feels so far away. I can never guess what he’s feeling.”
“Well,” Black Star said softly, shifting a little. His fingers twitched, brushing against Kid’s. “That sounds pretty human to me.”
Maybe that’s what this feeling was. Humanity. Kid didn’t want to let go of it. The comfort of being surrounded by humans, of being treated as fallible. Of being protected. Of being loved. As a shinigami, he was taught not to expect any of these things, and Kid was afraid of going back to that kind of coldness.
His fingers gripped Black Star’s, a hand almost as familiar to Kid as his own partners’.
This is what I want to hold on to, he thought. This is the sort of feeling that doesn’t require balance.
When he turned and leaned in to Black Star, he expected to see surprise on his face, but it wasn’t there. The look in his eyes was inviting and calm, that quiet part of Black Star that so few got to see. His soul was spiking nervously, but Kid imagined that in this moment his probably looked the same. It didn’t stop him from leaning in. Kid tilted his face to the side, nose brushing up against Black Star’s, feeling his breath on his cheek and marveling at how good it felt. He didn’t want to rush it, but he couldn’t think of anything else he’d rather do. Their lips just barely grazed each other when—
Black Star jerked away like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him.
Kid leaned back, panting.
The moment felt peaceful just a second ago, but now Black Star was skittering away on the floor before leaping to his feet and pacing across the room.
“Is something wrong?” Kid asked, stupidly. Clearly something was wrong, but he didn’t know what.
“No,” Black Star said, clearly lying. “I mean. It’s just—I can’t—” He folded his arms behind his head and turned away. Kid couldn’t see his face, but at that moment, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.
Black Star took a shaky breath. “It’s just too much, you know?”
Rejection washed through Kid, cold and sharp. It was not usual for him to feel like he was too much. Plenty of people couldn’t handle Kid; they’d even told him to his face. He just never expected one of those people to be Black Star.
His fingers felt numb as he twisted the ring on his right index finger, then the one on the left.
“Right,” he agreed quietly. “As I said, my heart is different. Maybe shinigamis just feel differently than humans do.”
-
Kid wakes with a sudden start.
Of course, his mind would conjure up the worst sort of dream.  He hadn’t thought about that for months. It was too painful to think about the sweetness of that moment, the bright hopefulness Kid felt as he’d leaned in toward Black Star, right before he pulled away. Black Star had left not long after that, and something about Kid’s room has felt haunted with the memory ever since.
Kid gets up, dresses in his suit, and leaves the Gallows Mansion. He can’t stay here, not with that memory lingering in his mind, not with the hollow silence of the mansion pressing down on him. Death City is most alive at nighttime, so Kid walks toward the city, hoping the bustling sound of night life will help clear his head.
Clubs boom with bass-heavy music, and Kid side-steps around tipsy humans stumbling down the street. It’s the sort of fun he’s never been familiar with, but the people look happy all the same. Humans put their bodies through so much just for a few hours of forgetfulness, and in this moment, Kid can’t blame them.
Unconsciously, his body marches him right toward Death Weapon Meister Academy. Even when he’s trying to avoid harsh memories, he seems to lead himself right to them.
Kid sighs and begins to climb the staircase.
The academy has always been like a second home to him. Being Lord Death’s son means the DWMA was always his playground. He’s roamed this campus more than all the students and teachers combined. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when his father told him of his duty to one day take over as the world’s Lord Death, that Kid had stopped stalking the halls of the academy and confined himself to the Death Room with his father. He’d had that silly throne built, convinced that he needed a proper place to perch for when he eventually ruled over death. He’d sat and observed his father’s actions for years, until the day he’d watched an extra lesson with a group of students almost get them killed.
Kid shakes his head.
God, it was always Black Star. His mind couldn’t conjure up anything else lately. Even from the beginning, the idea to join the academy at all was because he’d seen Stein use his wavelength to electrocute Black Star. The cruelty of the supposed “lesson” had Kid leaping to his feet, ready to break through the mirror and help him. It had always been Black Star.
Even if he didn’t feel the same way.
Kid reaches the top of the colossal staircase. The last place he’d spoken to Black Star.
After Black Star left that night, Kid had no idea where he went. He thought of using his Soul Perception to look for him in the city, but had respected Black Star’s need for space. He let him leave the Gallows Mansion in a frustrated huff. As much as Kid wanted to try and smooth things over somehow, he wouldn’t have known what to say. That he was sorry? That he took it back?
If Kid had a choice, he probably would have spent the next week avoiding eye contact with Black Star after his failed attempt at connection. But Black Star never did what people wanted him to do.
He cornered Kid in one of the classrooms the following day, a mean glint in his eye that had left Kid reeling when he commanded Kid to come outside. Kid followed him soundlessly, expecting perhaps a second round of rejection, and instead witnessed Black Star lightly walk to the end of that right spike and slam his fist down. Kid watched the spike crash down into the courtyard below, not understanding what was going on until Black Star challenged him to a fight.
And maybe Kid had been too harsh. But the hurt that had built up inside him over the past day was making his fists itch, and if Black Star wanted a way to take out his problems, Kid wasn’t going to make it that easy for him. It’s not like Black Star cared if he hurt him, so why should Kid give a shit?
It was symmetry, obviously. For every painful pulse of Kid’s heart, he laid into Black Star, not caring about his turmoil. Even when the fight was decidedly over, Kid placed a foot on the back of his head and smashed him into the ground, a crater forming around them both from the impact.
Weak.
None of Kid’s blows would have had a lasting effect on Black Star. But that one word would.
It was petty, and maybe a little mean, but it worked. Kid had won the fight, and he felt no better than he did when the day had started.
And yet somehow, when all the chips were down, it was Black Star who saved him from that mage in Baba Yaga’s Castle. The unsteady beating of Kid’s heart quickens at the thought of it. His arm, lying in a pool of blood in front of him. His body, frozen in place from the imbalance. That hand, reaching for him, to capture him, to kill him, to prove Kid’s glaring weakness would always be his downfall.
And somehow, Black Star was there. Kid didn’t even know he’d returned from Japan, but suddenly he was in front of him, saving him when Kid had been nothing but cruel to him the last time they spoke.
It’s simple stuff, really. Black Star had once said.
That’s why he has me.
Kid’s vision blurs as he looks at that spike. From where he stands, no one would ever be able to tell that a ninja had destroyed it.
Weak.
The only weak person here is Kid.
-
Kid’s equilibrium has always been impeccable. That’s not the reason he’s swaying right now, as he takes slow and measured steps to the edge of the red spike. It’s not the height either, though the courtyard at the summit of the DWMA’s colossal staircase lies 50 feet below him. But he feels himself swaying all the same, the heavy mallet in his grip pulsing like its alive. It’s a dead thing, a normal inanimate tool, but the potential destruction lying within it is the same as any weapon student at this academy.
As the sun rises, Kid walks toward the tip of the decorative spike. Through his blurred vision he can just make out the heavy duty bolts he had hammered into it but a few months ago. The neat lines of melted solder is his handiwork as well, bringing out a soldering gun Kid purchased with his own funds to reattach the spike that Black Star had cruelly destroyed for a second time.
Maybe symmetry had always been Kid’s problem. If this was the one way he could prove to himself that he didn’t need it, maybe it would change something. Maybe Black Star’s investigation would finally become important, maybe Kid’s research would finally be fruitful, maybe the hollow feeling in his chest would finally stop gaping wider and wider, the guilt clawing at the edges of the cavity painfully.
Kid raises the mallet.
Symmetry doesn’t matter. Order isn’t important. Kid is a god, he will not be held down—held back­—by such insignificant notions anymore. He rears the mallet back, not acknowledging how his hands shake, how his eyes sting, because that doesn’t matter. He will destroy this stupid, decorative spike and prove once and for all that he isn’t a liability.
It’s simple stuff, really.
It’s not. He doesn’t need protection, he doesn’t to be saved. He’s Death the fucking Kid, he just needs to bring this stupid mallet down—
His breath hitches high, his shoulders going numb.
He just needs to bring this stupid mallet down—
He just needs to—
He just—
“Kid?”
Kid hauls in a gasp. The spike shakes, the even vibrations of footsteps quickly approaching. Someone is pulling the mallet gently from his grip, fingers closing around his shoulders and pulling him back toward solid ground. Kid can hardly see through his tears.
“Kid?” Tsubaki says again.
“I’m sorry,” he lets out, before falling to pieces.
-
He’s not sure how long he cries for. Tsubaki, in all her gentle patience, holds him through all of it, pressing his face into her shoulder, though she must loathe him. Kid sure does, so he can’t see why Tsubaki wouldn’t. It makes him cry harder, to think that in all of this he hasn’t thought of her feelings. He’s been so caught up in his own grief he’s barely had time to think about how hard these last few months has been on her, how the soul she was so intrinsically connected to is gone.
But she holds him tightly, her arms a warm and comforting embrace, her fingers gently combing through his hair as his sobs taper off into pathetic hiccups.
“I’m sorry,” he tries again, but it’s just as weak as before.
“What are you sorry for?” she asks earnestly. “And what were you even doing up there?”
Kid tries his best to explain. Between stuttering breaths and continuously swallowing down the lump in his throat, Kid tells her how this whole thing, this whole stupid mess is his fault. How he tried to fix it, tried to fix him, by intentionally destroying.
Tsubaki looks shocked at that. “You were destroying the symmetry of the academy? Why would you punish yourself like that?”
Kid has nothing to say to that. The answer is clear.
“Kid? Kid look at me.” With effort, Kid does. It’s the most eye contact he’s made with her in months. The cavern in his heart grows wider.
She lays a hand on his cheek. “This isn’t your fault.”
Kid jerks away bitterly. “Even you don’t believe that.”
It takes a moment before she responds again. Tsubaki takes a deep breath.
“You’re right.”
Kid’s eyes cut to hers.
Tsubaki’s gaze doesn’t waver. “You’re right. Part of me thinks it’s your fault. I haven’t been able to speak to you this whole time because I didn’t want to say it.”
Kid nods. It’s what he deserves to hear. He lets his heart crumble, the emptiness feeling all consuming—
But Tsubaki grips his hands in hers, hard.
“But Black Star doesn’t think that.”
Kid’s voice is small. “What?”
Tsubaki rubs her thumbs over Kid’s knuckles. “I know my partner better than anyone. Black Star would never for a second blame you for the predicament he’s in now. It was his choice to jump between you and that man. And he didn’t do it because you were too weak,” Tsubaki says with a sad smile. “He did it because he’s Black Star. He’d never willingly stand aside if you were going to be hurt. That’s just the kind of person he is.”
The pressure inside of Kid lightens, just a little bit.
“He’s an idiot,” Kid says, mirroring Tsubaki’s sad smile.
A little laugh escapes her. “I know that better than anyone, too.” She swings their hands between them gently. “So, if you can forgive my partner for being an idiot and getting himself into trouble, you can forgive yourself too, right? Neither of you can help who you are.”
The smile stays on Kid’s face until that last part. But what she said has helped him. He’s made his mind up.
“You’re right, Tsubaki,” he says, feeling more sure of himself than he has all day.
He can’t help who he is.
-
Kid marches into the Death Room, set on finally having an honest talk with his father. He’s waited long enough for the nebulous “time and place” to rescue Black Star. If Lord Death himself wasn’t going to spearhead the search, Kid would do it himself.
At least, that was the conversation he planned on having. But instead of finding his father sitting idly at his tea table, when Kid enters the Death Room, he sees, of all things, a party.
Raucous music thumps through the chamber. There are three scantily clad Chupa Cabra’s employees distributing booze to Spirit Albarn, Professor Stein, and Miss Marie. Even his father holds a cup, liquid sloshing over the side as he raises his arm with the others in a hearty cheer. For some reason, Maka and Soul are here too, standing a few paces back, looking just as baffled as Kid and Tsubaki.
Kid feels like he walked into another dimension.
“What the hell is going on here?”
Lord Death tips his head back to look around Spirit, whose tie is wound around his head like a headband.
“Kid! Perfect timing! Come join the party!”
The party.
The
party.
The low-hanging misty clouds in the Death Room start to darken.
“Kid?”
His father’s silly voice comes out confused. Like he couldn’t possibly gather why this joyous celebration of life might not be appropriate, given the situation. All of the situations.
“Is now really the time, Father?” Kid asks, voice low.
“Come, sit down, have some food! I was just going to tell—”
“No,” Kid says.
Thunder claps loudly. The whole room flinches. Kid doesn’t care.
“I’m going to tell you something. Your nonchalance for the past few months has been shameful. One of your students was kidnapped on one of your missions, and you’ve done nothing for him. And now you audaciously throw a party when the GOD OF MADNESS is bringing the world to ruin, something else that YOU CAUSED—”
The thunder bellows again, and when lightning flashes across the Death Room, all the inhabitants instinctively duck.
Lord Death stands up and hovers over Kid at his full height, the soulless eyes of his mask looking down at him intimidatingly.
“Kid, stop.”
And for once, he doesn’t use his silly voice.
Kid doesn’t back down, but he takes a deep, slow breath. The clouds in the Death Room dissipate, and the room slowly starts to brighten. Kid looks at his father.
Lord Death’s voice is calm. He reaches a large, gloved hand backwards. Maka steps forward gingerly and places a thick white book in his over-sized palm.
“We were celebrating because—” he holds the book out to Kid “—we found him.”
Kid gasps.
Like flicking on a light, the Chupa Cabra employee’s souls light up, powerful magic radiating from them. Kid blinks at the realization. They’ve released Soul Protect. They’re witches.
None of the other meisters in the room look surprised. Stein and Sid watch the women carefully, and Maka’s eyes are on the book in Lord Death’s hands, guilt clouding her expression.
Lord Death ignores everyone else’s reactions, eyes boring into Kid’s and Kid’s only.
“We found Black Star. Extraction begins tomorrow.”
-
-
-
-
3. black star
It takes Black Star longer than it probably should to realize what’s happened to him.
He remembers Baba Yaga’s Castle. He remembers Kid’s panic, his arm splattering to the floor, a few feet from the rest of him. He remembers a menacing hand, reaching for him once more, this time with the intent to do much worse than remove an arm. He remembers running. And then--?
He shakes his head a little, the movement causing a loud clanking sound above his head. The sound stirs his memory a bit more, and as his thoughts start to clear his senses return to him. There’s an awkward stretch to his arms, his shoulders rotated uncomfortably. His pulse pounds in his ears. And he feels heavy.
Finally, Black Star peels his eyes open.
This doesn’t look like Baba Yaga’s Castle.
It’s darker than he expected. He’s in a large room, or at least he assumes it’s a room. Beneath his feet is a dusty black and white tiled floor, and before him he sees an ornate table and a matching set of chairs. When he cranes his neck he can see a high vaulted ceiling above him, but even when he squints into the darkness beyond the table set, he can’t make out the opposing wall that must be there. The only light in the room comes from somewhere behind him. A stained-glass window shines a colored pattern on the tiled floor.
Black Star himself seems to be suspended in the middle of the room. The shackles that were slapped on his wrists moments ago (when was that? Minutes ago? Hours? How long was he out?) are still on him, now attached to a long chain hanging from the ceiling. Black Star’s arms have been yanked above his head, so here he hangs, his bare and bandaged feet just barely able to touch the floor. How the hell did he get here?
“Hello?” Black Star croaks into the empty air. He grimaces at the sound of his own voice, clears his throat and tries again. “HELLO?”
Nothing.
Where the hell is he? How long was he out?
“HELLOOOOO? ANYBODY HOME?” he shouts, his voice stretching and echoing in the dimly lit chamber.
A hard blow to his back, right between his shoulder blades, alerts Black Star that he is not alone in this room. The breath he just sucked in to prepare for another shout is abruptly punched out of him. Black Star flounders for a moment before pulling in a gasp.
“Silence, captive! You’re disturbing Noah-sama’s peace!” his assailant says, squeaky and irritated.
“Who the fuck are you?” Black Star growls.
A boy not much older than Black Star, with slicked back hair and an impressive frown comes into view.
“My name is no concern of yours, captive,” he says.
A much more intimidating voice speaks next. “So your name is of no concern, but you dare to speak mine?”
The boy shivers, his upper half snapping downward into a deep bow.
“I deeply apologize, Noah-sama!”
A dark hand reaches out and strikes the boy abruptly on the back of the head. His bow deepens. It’s that hand that has Black Star on alert. This is the man who hurt Kid with a single touch. He twists in his restraints, pulling his hands apart and testing the strength of the iron when—
“AUGHH!!!”
A shock like a bolt of lightning runs through Black Star.
He hangs limply for a moment, panting. The pain surprised him so much that he doesn’t have the energy to cower when Noah steps into his line of sight. Through the haze of pain Black Star eyes him, a tall, dark-skinned man in a military cap and black jacket. His clothing doesn’t hold Black Star’s attention though. All he can fixate on is the smug grin on his face.
“Do you like your restraints? I made them myself.”
Black Star grits his teeth.
“No? A shame. They’re a fine creation. A bona fide Magic Tool worthy of Eibon himself.” He paces around Black Star, just out of his line of vision. Try as he might to twist his neck to look over his shoulder, the angle of Black Star’s arms above his head limits his range of moment. Noah’s deep voice continues to speak somewhere behind him. “Unfortunately, those cuffs were not meant for you. You’re an unexpected complication to my plans.”
Black Star doesn’t like the sound of that. An “unexpected complication” sounds a lot like “collateral damage.” He can’t see the man’s hands. He has no way to block him if Noah touches him.
“You see,” he continues calmly. “There was a certain person I was expecting to add to my collection. A god, if you will.”
Kid.
Black Star twists again, trying to track Noah’s movements.
“And I was this close to having him in my grasp. That is until someone—”
Suddenly he’s in front of Black Star, fist rearing back. Black Star lifts his legs up, forcing himself to hang heavily from his restraints to protect himself, but Noah reacquaints Black Star with his superhuman speed, easily connecting his fist to Black Star’s stomach before his knees can guard his core. The blow is so much worse than his servant’s last hit. Black Star swings back on his restraints, almost perpendicular with the ground, before heavily flopping back down, his full weight snapping against the place where his wrists touch the cuffs.
“—decided to take his place. It was very rude of you to ruin my plans, boy.”
It takes a moment for Black Star to even remember how to cough, much less breathe. He rasps out a dry breath, surprising himself that he hasn’t thrown up. His restraints clank together loudly for several long moments, until Black Star finally stops swinging.
Noah looks down his nose at Black Star like he’s an insect needing to be squashed.
“Now I have to decide what to do with you.”
“Kill him, Noah-sama. We have no need for him,” the younger boy calls petulantly.
“Silence, Gopher,” Noah snaps, rearing back to look at the boy. Gopher cowers in fear yet again.
Noah turns his attention back to Black Star. “My insulant servant makes a point,” he says to Black Star, continuing his slow pacing once more. “I have no need for humans in my collection. I’m aiming my attention much higher.”
Black Star’s blood boils at the insinuation of his own weakness. Against his better judgement, he speaks up. “You think I’m not worth keeping around? I’m not just a human. I’m the man who will defeat GOD,” he says with his whole chest.
Noah’s eyebrows rise in surprise, hidden under the shadow of his cap. “Oh?”
He rears back his fist again. Black Star knew speaking out of turn would have consequences, but if this man was going to kill him anyway, the least Black Star could do was not be a fucking wimp about it. He braces himself for the blow—
But it never comes.
Noah’s fist stops centimeters from his face, the veins popping in his arms from restraint.
He lowers his arm slowly. “You think you will defeat God?”
Black Star spits at his feet, a small bit of blood mixed into his saliva. “I know I will.”
Noah appraises him. His silence is just as intimidating as his yelling. Black Star does his best not to wince or tense just feeling Noah’s gaze fall on him. Something in Noah’s expression changes, like the flip of a switch, from intensity to calm neutrality.
A small flame lights inside of Black Star. Maybe this man won’t kill him.
Suddenly, that all-encompassing electric current runs through his body again, a cobra strike of unadulterated pain.
Black Star screams. It only lasts a moment, but it’s just as powerful as the first time, and just as surprising. All of Black Star’s nerve endings feel fried.
Black Star cracks open an eyelid he barely remembers closing, and when his vision clears, he sees Noah’s face, directly in front of his.
“You think you will defeat God.” A smug grin splits his face in two as he watches Black Star tremble. Black Star can feel Noah’s breath on his face as whispers with a vindictive kind of glee. “You can’t even get yourself out of those cuffs.”
Black Star lunges at him, but is stopped short by his restraints.
When the shock rips through his body this time, he expects it.
-
Black Star is left alive, but only just.
He’s not sure where he is, but it doesn’t seem like the reality he’s used to. He hasn’t had a crumb of food or a drop to water in what feels like days, but somehow, he’s still kicking.
And kicking he is, aiming a wild shot at Gopher, the servant boy who seems to have been tasked with watching over him while Noah is away. Black Star isn’t close enough to make contact unless he swings back on his cuffs to give him more leverage. His wrists have been rubbed raw a long time ago, and it hurts like a motherfucker to do so, but Black Star opts to swing anyway.
He clips him with his foot, probably not hard enough to hurt, but he rocks back a little in surprise. It makes him mad, which is the real goal.
“Quit it!” he shouts, sounding like a child trying to appeal to an older sibling to stop bullying him. All of his tough-guy bravado seems to evaporate the second Noah leaves, which is interesting, since he’s a submissive little bitch the second Noah opens his mouth around him anyway.
“Make me,” Black Star says with a laugh. It’s easier to feel optimistic when the freak mage is away. Noah has opted not to kill Black Star—for now—saying that he’s using him as experimentation for the cuffs. All’s well for Black Star, who spends his time optimistically tormenting his guard. He doesn’t have to figure out the cuffs. That sounds like a Maka job, maybe a Stein one. His mind skirts off Kid’s name and swoops away from it, not wanting to think about Kid too hard. Last time Black Star saw him he was down one arm. Even if they did manage to patch Kid up to make him ready for a rescue mission, the last time they spoke to each other…
Whatever. Black Star elects not to think about it. He taunts Gopher in the meantime, knowing rescue will come soon.
A shock wave hits his body again, hard and fast. Black Star grits his teeth, shaking his arms in frustration. The chains above him clang together, taunting him.
“Ha!” Gopher mocks gleefully, now a safe distance away from Black Star. He sits on the table and stares at Black Star. “Not so cocky now, are you?”
The pain doesn’t go away once the cuffs stop shocking him. His whole body retains the sting. Every skin cell, every strand of hair, every muscle, every bone. It takes more effort than he’d like to admit to appear unaffected, but Black Star tries. He won’t let this coward see him down.
“Don’t have to be cocky to know I’m stronger than you,” Black Star says, his voice hoarse. His vocal chords get fried too, and god forbid these people give him water. “That’s not ego talking; it’s a fact.”
Black Star doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone frown so aggressively. Maybe Kid, when Soul sacrificed the Gallows Mansion décor as punishment during a game of pick-up basketball. When Soul said they’d move all the picture frames 2 centimeters if their team lost, Kid looked like he’d been shot. But even that hilarious expression has nothing on this guy.
Gopher stands up suddenly—on top of the table, of all places—and holds his arms out wide. Before Black Star can ask what the hell he’s doing, Gopher is jumping high, and inky black wings are shooting from his back and gliding him right towards Black Star. He gets a fist to his face for his smart mouth, and in one smooth motion Gopher has glided back to the table and landed lightly on his feet.
The whole thing lasted maybe 3 seconds.
His frown is replaced by a cocky grin, which looks wrong on his face, like his facial muscles aren’t used to turning his mouth upwards.
“Impressed now, captive?”
Finally, some entertainment.
Black Star spits out a bit of blood.
“Not even a little bit.”
-
It goes on like that for a while. Black Star taunting Gopher, Gopher taking out his inadequate fighting prowess on Black Star, rinse, repeat. Maybe Black Star shouldn’t be goading the enemy on, but he’s fought toddlers stronger than this guy, and it keeps things interesting. It’s better than hanging here, alone with his thoughts.
That’s a much more dangerous game. Because then his mind begins to wander.
How many days has it been?
How long until someone comes looking for him?
Is Tsubaki doing okay without him?
How is Kid’s arm? Is he recovering okay?
Has the search party already started?
Are they mad at him for getting caught?
Is anyone taking care of Angela?
Does Kid still hate him because of their last fight?
When will help come?
It’s exhausting. Black Star doesn’t like wallowing in his self-pity, but being stuck here has given him plenty of wallowing time. Just when he thought he was getting over that hump, passing through the storm that had been raging in his mind, he finds himself kidnapped and waiting for rescue. Another feather to add to the Black Star dunce cap.
It’s not that he hasn’t tried freeing himself. Gopher isn’t always around, and he hasn’t seen Noah since that first day. (How many days has it been?) When Black Star isn’t being watched by that brat he goes to work, using all the strength he can muster to twist his hands back and forth in their shackles, to push and pull and push and pull like he might be wriggle out or weaken his bonds somehow.
But whenever Black Star feels he’s making progress, his sweaty hand dipping a little lower in the cuff or the metal groaning a tiny bit under his force, a blast of electric energy ripples through his entire body, like it’s a lightning bolt designated to strike right when Black Star’s hope is at its peak.
The shock always takes him out, losing his concentration in escape and sometimes just making him lose consciousness altogether.
When he comes to, he’s back where he started, hanging limply in the dim light of the room, with dark thoughts rolling in.
-
It’s hard to know how long he’s been here. After this long, Black Star has at least been able to deduce that it’s not the same reality he’s used to. Enough time has passed for Black Star to either be dead from starvation or dehydration, and yet neither have done him in. He also notes that injuries don’t seem to heal wherever he is, or if they do, it’s much slower.
The bandages Nygus carefully wove around his head and feet fell away ages ago, and Black Star has watched the blood steadily pool beneath his feet for what feels like centuries. He watches the slow drips spatter into dark pools on the tile below him and invents meaning for the different shapes to pass the time.
A fist that looks oddly like Fire or Thunder.
A swoop that sort of resembles Soul’s scythe form.
A skull shape that looks the rings Kid wears on each index finger.
It’s not the most entertaining way to pass the time, but it’s a change in scenery. Sometime Black Star wakes up from another round of shocking and the blood is gone. It’s hard to tell if it’s the logic of this strange place that eliminates it or if Gopher has come and cleaned it up. Black Star hopes it’s the latter, if only for the hilarious image he has in his head of Gopher crawling beneath him with a cloth, mopping up his blood and cowering every time Black Star so much as twitches, fearing a kick to the head.
At this point he should have bled out, too. Probably.
But still he lives.
“Having fun in your imprisonment, little Star Clan boy?” Gopher says as he practically skips into view.
Black Star, tracing a pattern of blood on the floor resembling a cat, looks up suddenly at that.
“What did you just say?”
Gopher sneers. “I thought that might get a reaction. Noah-sama is very thorough in researching what’s being kept in his collection.” He sits down on the table and again and crosses his legs primly. He lifts up a clipboard he’s been carrying and reads robotically. “Black Star. Former Star Clan member. Collected by DWMA at age one and monitored regularly by head of the intelligence division. Weapons specialist. Assassin-in-training.”
Black Star rolls his eyes. Well, the one eye that isn’t swollen. “I’m not an ‘assassin-in-training.’ Just an assassin. Period. And what the hell do you mean, ‘monitored’?” Sid and Nygus were his foster parents, not some guard dogs.
Gopher flips through the pages idly. “You didn’t really think the DWMA would just let a Star Clan member run around off-leash, did you?”
“I’m not a Star Clan member. Those idiots were reaped when I was just a brat.”
“And you were the one that wasn’t reaped. Makes sense why they had to keep a close eye on you. Didn’t you just say you were an assassin?”
“It’s not the same thing,” Black Star growls. “I’m not like them.”
Gopher crosses his arms behind his back and smiles. “Sounds the same to me.”
Black Star wants nothing more than to wipe that stupid smirk off his face. He wants to kick him in the nuts and pound his stupid face until it’s black and blue. He wants rip his stupid oily hair out of his stupid oily head and hit him with his Soul Force—
A bolt of electricity rips through his body, shocking him from fingertips to feet.
“FUCK,” Black Star shouts. “God. Fuck.”
Gopher looks exceedingly pleased.
Black Star hangs heavily, ignoring Gopher and focusing on the pain, the way his whole body trembles from it.
This should be the easy part. The pain. Black Star has taken a lot of hits in his life, he thought he was accustomed to the feel of it. He was Star Clan after all. A double-edged sword destined to slice himself up at every opportunity. He had inherited the power and skill of his namesake, which made him dangerous, but not the morals, which made him an enigma. People didn’t know how to act around the boy who should have been reaped. He could tell since he was just a brat that every second of his life he would be forced to prove himself, and that motivated him when it would have made others crumble.
Black Star took it in stride. The scrutiny, the apprehension, the fear that he’d turn out like the demon that gave him life. He didn’t care why they were looking, all that was important was that all eyes were on him. Gathering adoring fans was that much easier when he already had an audience. He’d make sure that no one would be able to associate him with the Star Clan, because every time they heard the name Black Star it would be laced with greatness.
So he trained. He got stronger, faster, louder, bolder, and it really felt like it was working. He partnered with Tsubaki, the most versatile weapon in DWMA history, to further prove the point that he was the fucking best, and no one was able to dispute it. Except—
“Another mission and no souls?” Sid propped his head on his fist and looked at Black Star from across the table. “You botched it again, didn’t you?”
“Did I ask for the color commentary?” Black Star asked around a mouthful of dinner, glaring at Sid over his plate.
“No, but as a teacher I feel like I have the right to give it,” Sid said evenly.
“We’ll get one, just give it a rest already,” Black Star said, but he was deflecting, and they both knew it. He had the skill to collect souls. He had the drive, but—
He rolled his arm in its socket, his left hand gripping his right shoulder tightly.
Sid watched his motions carefully, eyes tracing Black Star’s tattoo. “If you’re still feeling self-conscious about it, the DWMA has name changing forms in the front office. No one would associate you with him anymore.”
But Black Star hated that idea. Changing his name was as good as giving up. He’d carry the weight of his father’s sins and rise above it, the way he always had—
Gopher’s bitchy little fingers snap sharply, the sound echoing in empty expanse of the dark room.
“Are you even listening to me?” Gopher barks, right up in Black Star’s face.
Black Star blinks.
No, he wasn’t. He doesn’t even remember zoning out, but somewhere along the way he got lost in a memory. The longer he stays here, the harder it is to focus on the here and now.
Gopher does his best to taunt him further, but Black Star’s mind is still back at that dinner table with Sid, wondering if collecting a soul would have made difference either way. Everyone already knew he was the strongest meister at the academy. He could have made Tsubaki a Death Scythe in no time at all if he really put his mind to it.
But there was just something about Black Star, son of White Star, collecting souls…
-
It was Death the Kid who brought things into focus for Black Star.
Sure, Black Star was strong, anyone with eyes could see that. But proving that he was the best was hard when people like Maka and Soul were so easily besting him in the soul-collecting department. And as much as Maka liked to trot around and act like she was better than everyone for being such a model student, Black Star could see through her shtick. He wasn’t aiming to be a teacher’s pet, he was aiming to be the biggest, strongest guy around. Killing small-fry kishin to rack up 99 souls might have been a quantifiable way to prove greatness, but where was the quality?
Enter: Death the Kid.
Black Star couldn’t have planned anything more perfect. A shinigami was coming to study at the academy. A living, breathing god.
Fuck soul-collecting. Black Star had a new goal. “The man who would defeat God” had a much nicer ring to it than “strongest kid in school,” after all.
Kid was everything he expected a shinigami to be. Powerful, capable, precise. A perfect match-up for someone like Black Star to test his skills on. Except—
Well, he also wasn’t anything like Black Star expected. Neurotic to the point of it being almost embarrassing, Kid dropped like a brick whenever his symmetry was disturbed. Black Star and Soul narrowly won their fight against him on his first day of school, a victory Black Star loved lording over him, but in the long-run it didn’t feel like it meant much. Black Star wanted a proper fight with Kid, and he wanted to win.
After that, Black Star measured himself against Kid at every available opportunity. In height, Kid was 2 centimeters taller than him. In meister skills, Kid had Soul Perception and an unwavering trust between him and his partners that made his power output explosive and deadly. In basketball, he had a killer jump shot.
“Are you just good at everything?” Black Star asked one day, smacking the ball out of his hands after the last play. Kid only smirked at him, which was all the more annoying.
But he was also such a weirdo. The first time they spent together by themselves was their mission to find Excalibur. Black Star couldn’t not go, after finding out his rival was searching to find the strongest weapon in the world, Black Star had to get to it first. To wield it himself or prevent Kid from getting to it, he wasn’t sure. What he didn’t anticipate was carrying Kid piggyback after he refused to walk through a few inches of water, worried about the hems of his suit pants getting damp. Black Star could hardly remember how negotiations went for that, just that suddenly his archrival was seated on his back, his legs looped tightly around Black Star’s waist like he was nervous he’d let him go. Black Star couldn’t make sense of it.
And maybe after that it was a little easier to tolerate him. He was fun to mess with, fucking around with things in the Gallows Mansion just to watch Kid blow a gasket trying to return everything to its proper place. He’d partner with Kid in the gym and show off his strength like it was nothing, only for Kid to make a comment about his superior pinky strength that would send Black Star into a tailspin. They made Patti measure their pinky widths with measuring tape (Kid’s was slightly bigger), and then they both spent the next hour trying to do pull-ups from their pinkies alone.
He was funny, with a wry sense of a humor hidden behind a prim and proper exterior. A sly comment coming from Kid always felt like a gift somehow, an exclusive moment the two of them shared.
And he was strong. Black Star, Maka, and their partners found themselves on Kid’s Resonance Team, and when their souls reached out for one another for the first time, Black Star’s connected with Kid’s with no complications: two Lego bricks clicking together like they were meant to be connected, while Black Star and Maka repelled each other like water and oil, despite being friends since they were little.
The idea of Kid being Black Star’s rival wasn’t at the forefront of his mind anymore, and he didn’t really care. They’d go into a battle together, and Black Star would jump into the fray with the reckless abandon of a man who knew his back was covered. Sometimes he came out a little more battered than necessary, but if it meant keeping his teammates out of harm’s way, Black Star didn’t mind much. Having all eyes on him was more his speed, and the glowing pair of gold ones that always seemed to be following him didn’t hurt, either.
But then things started to shift. Then Kishin was revived. The Uncanny Sword was getting harder to use. Then Black Star lost to Mifune. Then to Mosquito. Loss after loss after loss was piling up on Black Star’s heart, and the pressure was starting to hurt. Why could he not win anymore? He thought he was getting stronger, but all of a sudden every step he took had him backsliding further. Black Star could feel it affecting him, corroding his insides with every passing day. Something needed to change.
“We could go see my family?” Tsubaki said after finally cornering Black Star into confessing what was blackening his mood.
Black Star slammed his open palm into the swinging punching bag before him, not using Soul Force on it this time because Nygus kept harping on him and Kid for “damaging the equipment.”
“What does your family have to do with anything?” he asked crossly.
Tsubaki was more patient with him than he deserved. She always took his dark moods in stride. She smiled politely and caught the bag on an upswing, absorbing the momentum of it and lowering it to a still position carefully.
“They might be able to teach us more about the Uncanny Sword. Don’t you think the Nakatsukasa Clan would be the perfect people to ask?”
Black Star had always assumed every problem could be solved through force of will alone. But it was starting to become clearer that he needed help. He nodded, and Tsubaki let him know she would make the arrangements soon. It might not be enough to make a difference, but it was worth trying. Nothing at the DWMA seemed to be helping, anyway.
Going to Japan again was concerning, but Black Star would get through it the same way he always had. White Star’s mistakes were his to bear now. The hatred he received would fade when the people of Japan bore witness to Black Star’s greatness. Probably.
Kid saw through him easily when he told him about it. Black Star shouldn’t have been surprised. Kid had Soul Perception, so he probably just took a peek in Black Star’s chest and saw how erratic he was feeling. (Though Black Star knew deep down that wasn’t it. That Kid knew him. Better than most, in fact. Kid was always surprising him with how much he knew about Black Star, or how much he could tell just from his silence.) Black Star did what he always ended up doing around Kid: opening up. He wasn’t sure how an over-powered shinigami with a symmetry obsession had that kind of effect on him, but somewhere down the line Black Star had gotten closer to Kid than he ever thought possible.
But something about that closeness felt…wrong.
Getting close to Kid, in that moment, was too much of a mindfuck. Black Star could feel himself teetering on the edge of a dark precipice, and somehow Kid was beside him, talking about how similar they were. They both had issues comparing themselves to their fathers, they both held themselves to higher esteems than other people, and their perfectionism got the best of them. He framed it like it was a good thing, like they were equals, and it made Black Star want to scream.
Because they couldn’t be equals. Not then. Black Star was supposed to defeat God, and now here he was, leaving the academy with his tail between his legs to go find some outside source to help him regain his strength. Kid wasn’t allowed to be this low. He wasn’t supposed to be a fallible person with similar wants and fears. He was a god Black Star was supposed to fucking crush, so why did it feel like a black hole was swallowing him up instead? He wanted to hold Kid’s hand and tell him it would be alright. He wanted to feel the gentle press of Kid’s lips as his face lingered closer and closer, but nothing about Black Star felt gentle in that moment. He was on the verge of shaking apart. It was too fucking much.
He left the Gallows Mansion early that night, pacing the streets of Death City and trying to formulate a plan. The foundation of his soul felt shakier than ever, and he needed a way to stabilize his fragile wavelength. So, fuck it. He’d prove how much stronger he’d gotten. He’d prove it to himself, to Kid, to the whole fucking academy that he was indisputably the strongest. He’d leave the academy on a high, then go master the Uncanny Sword with Tsubaki.
The feeling of his head getting ground into the asphalt under Kid’s rubber sole was the final straw.
Weak.
Black Star was a man who contained multitudes, but he couldn’t take that final loss. He pulled himself from the crater in the DWMA’s courtyard and left without a word. He and Tsubaki were on a flight to Japan the very next day.
He hadn’t spoken to Kid since.
All that training, all that growing and healing he’d done in Japan, and Kid never got to see any of it. He’d meant to come back to the academy and surprise Kid with his newfound maturity and purpose. He’d apologize for the way he acted back then, and maybe, if Kid forgave him—
But that didn’t happen. Instead, Black Star hangs from the shackles in this mysterious, otherworldly realm, soundly defeated by one man and a pair of magic handcuffs.
Maybe he was weak.
-
“You are the great and powerful Black Star, and you will not give up.”
Black Star chants it like a mantra. Never when Gopher is around, God no, he’d never let him live it down. But when the shadows of the expansive room start creeping in, Black Star sometimes needs a reminder that he’s no quitter. That someone will come for him. He’ll get a small shock from the cuffs, who seemingly hate any time he tries to have a positive thought of any kind, but he keeps chanting it regardless.
Great and powerful. Don’t give up.
Gopher hasn’t been around much lately. Off doing minion things, or perched dutifully at Noah’s feet like the pathetic lapdog he is, maybe. It’s weird, though, not being guarded. Do they think Black Star doesn’t need a guard anymore? That he has no chance of escape?
It twists something in Black Star’s gut to think the enemy thinks he’s given up. That isn’t something he can accept. So during one of those long stretches of time that Gopher is gone, Black Star goes back to trying to free himself.
It’s slow work. He doesn’t have any tools, and the deep black shackles fit on his wrist almost to the skin. He’s tried slipping a hand out before, but the space is too narrow. Black Star focuses on the second means of escape: breaking the shackles.
He was the strongest student at the DWMA, it shouldn’t be hard. He can punch through walls and climb mountains without equipment, how difficult can it be to shatter some handcuffs?
He gathers all the mental strength he can muster, breathing in deeply, then starts pulling his wrists apart. Sweat and blood run down his face as the metal cuts into his skin. He just needs—to snap—the cuffs—apart—
Black Star cries out when electricity rips through his body.
God, every time. Every fucking time it feels like he’s making progress, the magic in the cuffs electrifies him like he’s metal rod in and open field. Black Star growls low in his throat, the frustration building like it always does. He can’t try again yet, forced to sit and stew while tremors wrack his frame.
“You are the great and powerful Black Star, and you will not give up,” his hoarse voice reminds him. It’s not as convincing as he wants it to be.
He waits for the shaking to subside, for the tingling in his spine to return to the same constant ache, then mentally readies himself for another attempt.
That’s what Black Star is doing when Justin Law suddenly appears before him
A piece of paper like a ripped-out page from a book, flicks into existence in front of Black Star, burning at the edges. Black Star stares at it curiously, watching the orange tinted border creep closer and closer to the center, then a bright flash of light like a portal opens up, and the youngest Death Scythe ever created was walking though.
Black Star can’t believe his eyes.
Finally. After who knows how long, help has arrived. Black Star will get to go home. He’s so struck he’s almost speechless from it.
That only lasts a minute before Black Star is screaming his head off.
“HEY! HEY! OVER HERE!” He wriggles his whole body, rattling his chains together as loudly as possible to get Justin’s attention.
He doesn’t care if Gopher or Noah shows up at this point. He just needs to get out.
It takes a while to get his attention. Black Star can’t fathom what he’d be looking at; the only things in this room are a table and Black Star. And the giant stained-glass window behind him. Justin’s eyes seem to scan right over Black Star, fixating on the large circular window for a long time. Black Star shakes even harder.
“JUSTIN FUCKING LAW. STOP LOOKING AT THE STUPID WINDOW AND HELP.”
Justin’s blue eyes finally flick to Black Star, his expression carefully neutral.
Black Star tries not to let his anger get the best of him. “Finally, jeez. I’m right here. You wanna get to work or what?” He shakes his arms again. “You’re a guillotine aren’t you? I’m sure you could make pretty quick work of these.”
But Justin is still looking at Black Star carefully, not saying anything.
“Helloooooo, Mr. Priest. Can you hear me? What kind of shitty rescuer are you?”
Justin smirks and taps a piece of plastic in his ears. His stupid headphones. He’s wearing them, even now.
“Don’t worry, I can read lips just fine,” he says evenly, though there’s the barest hint of amusement in his voice.
“Then GET TO WORK,” Black Star says, emotion rising within him. What the hell is this guy waiting on?
But Justin is looking behind him again, like Black Star suddenly isn’t the most important thing in this room. Then the hair on the back of his neck raises just a bit. He may be a captive, but he’s still a ninja. He senses that someone else is in the room. Multiple people, even.
He can’t imagine anyone else it could be, so he yells “Justin, RUN!” to an extremely unflappable Justin Law. He doesn’t run, but instead tracks the movement of their two extra guests as they step into view: Gopher, and worse, Noah.
“Good catch,” he says calmly, and it takes a second for Black Star to realize that Justin is talking to Noah, about him. “Taking away the Star Clan member weakens them considerably.”
“It wasn’t intentional,” Noah says seriously, still looking at Black Star like he’s scum. Black Star is still blinking, looking at the man he knows is a DWMA staff member, talking to Noah like they’re best friends.
Another person walks into view, and Black Star really doesn’t know what’s going on. Giriko, one of Arachne’s lackeys, strolls in front of him and stalks toward the table, a beer bottle hanging loosely from his fingers. He sits at one of the chairs, legs spread wide. “I don’t see the point in keeping him alive for this long, Noah. You should have killed him ages ago.”
“Noah-sama,” Gopher squeaks from a corner.
They all ignore Gopher, like they should, and impossibly, Justin goes and takes a seat next to Giriko.
“Yo, what the fuck is going on?” Black hears someone voice his exact sentiment and realizes that the question is coming from himself. “Justin, what are you doing?”
All of the men look at Black Star with different degrees of incredulity, like they’re surprised he had the audacity to speak, given his position. Black Star himself is shocked too, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing.
“You’re from the DWMA, man. You work for Lord Death,” he says desperately. “You fought with us in the battle for Brew.” He nods his head towards Giriko, who hasn’t stopped scowling. “Against him.” He swallows down the burning in his throat. He can’t say the last part. I thought you were here to save me.
Justin is nonplussed as ever. “The only god I serve is Kishin-sama.”
Black Star’s stomach fills with concrete. A person from the DWMA has finally found him but isn’t here to rescue him. And now instead of inhabiting this prison cell with one minion, he’s surrounded by three killers.
“So what are you keeping the brat for?” Giriko asks, pointing his bottle to Black Star, who can do nothing. If they harm him, he can’t fight back. If they decide to kill him, that’ll be it.
Black Star flinches instinctively when Noah looks at him.
“He’d be good bait,” Justin says evenly. “The students and teachers care for him. Use him to draw them out.”
Giriko picks at his teeth. “As if. If he’s been here since the battle at the castle and they haven’t come looking for him yet, what’s the point?” He rolls his neck in slow loops, sighing at the popping sounds it makes. “They probably think he’s dead anyway.”
Black Star does his best not to react to that. As if it hasn’t been a constant thought in the back of his mind this whole fucking time.
But Giriko keeps talking, as if to spite him. He looks directly in his eyes and smiles. “After all, it’s been months.”
Months?
That can’t be right. There’s no way he could have been gone that long, without a whisper of chance at rescue.
But he eyes Justin, the first DWMA member he’s seen this whole time, a man who has no interest in freeing him.
…Months?
No, Black Star thinks. Kid wouldn’t give up on me. He’d know I haven’t given up yet.
Noah ignores Giriko, looking to Justin. “We don’t need bait to draw out the academy’s child soldiers. They prance about in public without any prompting at all.”
Gopher jumps in excitedly. “I found some just last week! Flying through the canyons. The Soul Perception girl and her scythe.” Black Star breathes a little heavier. She and Soul must have been out looking for him, right? Hope flutters like a small bird in his ribcage.
The cuffs zap it out of him, a quick and painful zip. Black Star grits his teeth.
Gopher keeps talking, unaware of Black Star’s pain, or perhaps just not interested in it. “They didn’t even notice my presence at first. Fools. I was able to stalk them as they goofed off for ages before they noticed. I’m sick of all of them. Flying around that canyon in their merriment. Like they’re untouchable.”
Wait, Gopher found them? Goofed off? Bitterness rolls over Black Star in waves. It’s nice to know they’re able to have such a fun time together. He’s been shackled here for months and they’re goofing off—
“Silence!”
Everyone in the room snaps to attention at Noah’s commanding voice.
“What I do with my collection is my business alone,” he says darkly. He stalks up to Black Star, who can’t help but shrink away. It’s no use, he has nowhere to hide, so when Noah stops in front of him, he’s just as vulnerable as ever. “If I want to leave him here to rot, that’s my decision.”
There’s something dead in his eyes, in the way he smiles. A haunting look passes over his face as he reaches above Black Star, grabbing the chain he’s hanging from to pull Black Star closer and swing him directly into Noah’s waiting fist.
“If I wish him harm, that’s my decision.”
Black Star gurgles out a cough at the hit. Noah is making a show of hurting him, just for the amusement of his guests, and Black Star starts to reach a boiling point. After all, he’s been here for months, and no one is coming for him. Now might be his last opportunity to bite back.
Using what little strength he has, he grabs for Noah’s hand, inches above his shackled ones, and releases his Soul Force, as powerful as he can make it. He’ll cook the fuck out of both of them if that’s what it takes. He’ll make Noah regret every taking him in the first place. He’ll—
A light shock leaves his hands, sparking into Noah’s. Barely hotter than bug zapper.
Black Star’s eyes widen in shock. That was barely anything. He can’t even muster up the strength use his own wavelength?
A shadow passes over Black Star. Noah’s stony face has transformed into one of wrath.
“You dare try to harm me?”
He grabs Black Star brutally by the hand, lifting him up until his feet aren’t even touching the ground. The sharp pain in his shoulders mixed with the rawness of his wrist being gripped has him screaming.
That haunting look has returned to his eye, and without warning he’s gripping Black Star’s hand and wrist in both hands and squeezing. Black Star thought he was in agony before, but the white-hot sensation of bones cracking has him choking for breath.
He barely holds onto consciousness when Noah drops him roughly back down, his shattered hand colliding with his shackles.
Black Star pants and shakes. His throat is raw from screaming, lungs paper dry. Tears stream down his face from just the slightest movement of his hand.
Noah looks satisfied.
He turns to the rest of his guests. Black Star’s eyes focus on the floor below them, not interested in their stupid meeting any longer.
Noah’s voice is smug.
“No one is coming for him. If I want to keep him here until he’s begging to be killed, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.”
-
They leave him alone, after that. A guard isn’t necessary, because Black Star isn’t trying to escape.
-
-
-
-
4. two souls connect
“One more chapter and we’ll finally have Black Star back!” Patti hollers encouragingly, wrapping an arm around Tsubaki, who offers up a tense smile.
Kid notes her expression. He feels the same. Traversing through the Book of Eibon hasn’t been at all like how he expected it. When the Chupa Cabra witches (with the help of a captive Eruka the frog) transported Spartoi into the Book, Kid expected to be greeted with another castle, like Baba Yaga’s. Or, at least, a prison. A fortress strong enough to keep Black Star contained, to have apparently kept an Ancient One contained at some point in time.
Instead, he was transformed into a female.
Everyone in their party seemed to have swapped physical sexes, bodies changing to forms opposite their own. It felt like a gag, as his friends guffawed at each other’s new body parts and outfits, almost immediately forgetting their main mission in favor of laughing at each other’s bewildered expressions.
The breasts that hung heavily from Kid’s chest only lasted a few brief minutes, a minor inconvenience that he paid no real mind to, seemingly the only one focused on the mission at hand. It took Kid a while to realize that each of the Chapters was centered around one of the Seven Deadly Sins, each of the new realms designed to ensnare any intruders in their own personal demons. It was an effective way to distract them from their main goal, each chapter they entered making it harder and harder to remember that their purpose was Black Star.  
It didn’t help ease Kid’s mind that he couldn’t feel Black Star’s wavelength. Even now, as the group had gotten separated, Maka and Soul getting swept away to the Envy Chapter without the rest of the group, he could still distantly feel their presence, their wavelengths glowing dimly in Kid’s mind like lanterns through a thick fog.
But he can’t feel Black Star’s wavelength at all.
Even now, with one Chapter supposedly to go, Black Star’s boisterous wavelength isn’t something Kid can feel with his Soul Perception, and it’s making him nervous.
They were so sure he was here. When Maka and Soul had fought the boy named Gopher in the canyons, she recognized the symbol on the piece of paper he had jumped into to disappear. It was the same symbol on the Book of Eibon manuscript she had stolen ages ago from the restricted section of the library. The memory boils Kid’s blood a little, to think he was so close to a solution, but the book in question was hiding in Soul and Maka’s apartment under their couch.
Through the witches’ magic, they were able to see the last people who had access to the real Book of Eibon, and both Kid and Tsubaki were able to positively identify that the mage who’d kidnapped Black Star was among them.
So, it stands to reason that Black Star must be in this Book as well, right?
So why couldn’t Kid feel him?
The worry claws at his insides as he follows behind his partners, falling into step with Tsubaki.
“Once we find him, we’ll contact Kim to retrieve us right away,” Kid says, voice low. He hoists his pack a little higher on his shoulders, filled to the brim with medical supplies. “Soul and Maka can handle themselves. They know our first priority is finding Black Star.”
It seems harsh even to his own ears. They lost Maka and Soul chapters ago and haven’t been able to contact them since. The last thing Spartoi needs is more members going missing. He should be stopping them, calling Index to make them go back. They should be doing this together.
But he thinks of Black Star’s bandages, trailing behind him like red ribbons. The desperate way he jumped between Kid and the mage’s outstretched hand, right before he disappeared.
Kid surges forward.
Black Star is his priority—their priority.
The bridge they walk on feels endless. It seems the nature of the book is that a setting will go on for as long as it requires to feel narratively appropriate, not for any logical reason. Perhaps they’ll be able to move on to the next Chapter when a decision is made?
“What do you think the book wants from us?” Tsubaki asks the group.
Kid nods approvingly, happy that she came to the same conclusion. She’s more clever than most give her credit for, given her quiet nature.
Liz arches a brow. “Doesn’t Index just show up when it wants to, to whisk us away?”
Kid itches at the thought of just waiting. Anything could be happening to Black Star at this very moment, and they were just going to stand around? What if he was hurt? What if something worse was happening to him? Did anyone else even care about Black Star? Or were they just ready to finally leave the book? The more he spirals the more he feels the distance between him and the others growing.
Kid almost doesn’t notice when the wooden plank in front of him disappears. He snaps back into focus, stumbling forward and catching himself on the other side of the gap.
“Hey! I think something is happening—”
The girls are gone.
Kid turns around. Surely he didn’t pass them just now? But they’re not there either.
In fact, when Kid turns around to face forward, the planks in the distance all begin to fall away. One by one, more and more, like dominos, dropping from their fastenings and getting closer and closer to Kid with every second.
“Liz? Patti? Tsubaki? What’s going on?” Kid cries, backing up as fast as he can. But the wooden planks are falling away faster than he can move, and without Beelzebub he has no way to fly. The final board beneath his feet falls away, and Kid feels a moment of weightlessness before plunging into the abyss below.
-
The falling only lasts a moment.
The same sensation from travelling to a new Chapter swallows Kid up. Like air being punched from lungs. Like paper grazing skin. And within seconds, Kid is standing in an entirely new Chapter of the Book of Eibon. He looks around curiously. They were on their way Greed, but Index wasn’t the one who guided him here. Could this be a different part of the book?
Kid looks above him, but the bridge is long gone, in favor of a vaulted ceiling, tall white columns, and an enormous circular stained-glass window that stops Kid short.
He’s never seen a window so marvelous before. The intricate design, the array of colors! The symmetry! It’s so breathtaking, Kid is completely captivated by it. He approaches it reverently, ready to bask in its symmetrical brilliance indefinitely, when a wounded moan from beneath it snaps him out of it.
There doesn’t appear to be any light here other than the rays streaming through the stained glass, meaning the figure hanging from chains before him is just a silhouette against the colorful light behind him.
But Kid would know that silhouette anywhere. It was the last thing Kid saw, in fact, before he disappeared all those months ago.
Black Star.
Kid’s heart skips a beat. The pain of not knowing Black Star’s condition for the past two months pales in comparison to seeing him now, because it’s so much worse than he imagined.
Hanging limply from a pair of heavy iron-clad shackles, Black Star looks like he’s barely clinging to life. Loose bandages swirl around his neck and legs, having fallen away ages ago, leaving his wounds exposed. His skin is adorned with cuts and bruises, one eye swollen almost completely shut. His right hand doesn’t look broken, it looks mangled, the fingers twisted at odd angles, knuckles swollen and dark.
It takes everything in him to not scream his name. Kid has no idea where Black Star’s captors may be, especially with the rules of this Book being so fickle. The last thing he wants to do is draw attention to himself.
But there doesn’t appear to be anyone else around. Black Star stands alone, bandaged feet just barely grazing the ground as he hangs there.
Kid can hardly bare it. Tossing aside caution, Kid sprints to Black Star.
“Black Star?”
He doesn’t stir. Hanging there limply in the multi-colored light, the shadows distorting his face, he looks like a corpse. A captive long-forgotten, left to rot in his confines.
It’s at that moment Kid finally notices what feels so wrong. Black Star’s soul. He still can’t feel it.
Panic ignites in Kid’s chest, heart beating in triple time. He can’t be, he can’t be—
No, Kid reminds himself as he skids to a halt at Black Star’s side. He heard a noise earlier. The only person in this room is Black Star.
That doesn’t stop Kid’s hand from trembling as he reaches towards him. He’s not even sure where he can touch him without hurting him more. Kid settles for gently tipping Black Star’s chin upwards, bringing his face into the light.
Kid’s eyes flutter close for a moment. His skin is still warm.
Gathering up his nerves, Kid cradles Black Star’s head gently.
“Black Star, can you hear me?”
It takes a while, far too long if Kid has anything to say about it, but Black Star cracks open his one good eye, blinking it a few times before his vision comes into focus.
“Kid?”
His heart pounds loudly in his chest in relief. “Yes,” he breathes, “Black Star, it’s me. We’re here to rescue you.”
-
“Here,” Kid says, digging through the pack all the Spartoi members were required to bring with them on the mission. It’s a survival pack, filled with a first aid kit, food, and other essentials that could keep them alive depending on how long they were going to be inside the Book. Kid has used none of his supplies, intent on saving it all for the person who really needed them.
Kid pulls out a roll of bandages and some pain medication. He knocks a couple pills into his palm. Then he looks to Black Star’s broken frame and tips out a few more.
“Don’t bother,” Black Star says. His voice is rough. Kid can’t tell if it’s from lack of use or from using it too much. He tries not think about it too hard. Black Star clears his throat. “Wounds don’t really heal here, so there’s no point.”
Maybe it’s the roughness of his voice, but something about the way he’s speaking sounds so foreign to Kid, it’s almost like he’s talking to another person altogether. He eyes Black Star’s injuries again. If what Black Star is saying is true, it means that the injuries currently dripping blood into a small pool beneath him might not even be current. Some of these could have been from his fight with Mifune.
It does something horrible to his heart, to think that Black Star has been in pain for that long. He looks at the supplies before him. The gauze and bandages won’t do much good right now, but he can still try to help the pain subside.
“I don’t care,” Kid says, swallowing the lump in his throat. He brings the palm of pills to Black Star’s mouth, cupping his hand right in front of him until Black Star relents. He accepts the pills and allows Kid to hold a water bottle to his lips to flush them down. Black Star drinks greedily. Kid can’t help but wonder about the last time Black Star had something to drink.
“Now,” Kid says, looking around the large, bare room. Or, at least, he assumes it’s large. The Book only shows you what you need to see, so the farther he looks in the distance, the more the ink fades to cross-hatching nothingness. “Where are the people that took you?”
“Dunno,” Black Star says, eyes on the floor. He’s barely looked at Kid the whole time he’s been here, now that Kid thinks about it. “They stopped coming.”
Maybe that’s a good thing. It means Kid might have more time to liberate Black Star from his shackles. Maybe he can get him out before his captors even know Kid was here.
But they way Black Star said it…
How long has he been alone?
Kid shakes his head.
“It doesn’t matter. You’ll be out of here quickly enough,” Kid says, though he’s not sure who he’s trying to convince: himself or Black Star.
But if Kid thought that the hard part was finding Black Star, he neglected to think about how difficult freeing him would be. Why didn’t it occur to him that the force that was keeping Black Star imprisoned would have to be stronger than Black Star himself?
He eyes the cuffs skeptically. There has to be something about them that’s keeping Black Star detained.
He reaches for one of the cuffs to get a better look. Black Star flinches violently. “Don’t—"
The second Kid’s fingers graze the iron shackles a shock runs through his whole body, frying all his nerves.
Kid cries out before he can stop himself, wrenching his hand away and panting.
“What the hell was that?” Kid asks.
Black Star is panting just as hard. Kid realizes through the haze of pain that he didn’t just shock himself.
“Yeah, those do that. Magic or s’mthin’, I dunno,” Black Star says around gritted teeth.
“I’m sorry,” Kid says quickly, sick with the thought of putting Black Star through more pain. “I won’t do it again.”
His skin tingles from the pain, even after the shock itself has ended. There’s something almost familiar about it, somehow, but Kid can’t quite place it. He can’t focus too long on it, though. He has to find a different way to help Black Star without touching the cuffs.
He looks around the parts of the room he can see. “Is there a key, perhaps?”
“I’ve never seen one if there was,” Black Star says dejectedly, still looking down.
“Maybe if I just look around—”
“Kid,” Black Star says emphatically. It’s the most passion he’s put in his voice the whole time Kid’s been here.
Kid freezes. When Black Star’s face rises to look at his, Kid sees an unrecognizable expression on his face.
“There’s no fucking key, okay?” Black Star says. “There’s no key or magic password or hidden tool that will open these up. You can’t get them off. I’m stuck here.”
Kid blinks.
Black Star curls his lip at Kid’s bewildered expression. “You shouldn’t have come. If Noah finds you, he’ll kill you. Or worse, he’ll lock you up in one of these,” he wriggles a bit, so the shackles binding his wrists jangle together loudly. He shouldn’t have bothered with the demonstration; it just causes his face to twist up in pain. “And then you’ll be stuck here too. Just go.”
Something curdles in Kid’s gut. That’s what’s so unfamiliar here.
Black Star has given up.
“I’m not leaving you here, Black Star,” Kid says sternly, hoping to cover up any other unsavory emotions bubbling up. “I came here to retrieve you and that’s what I intend to do.” Retrieve. That makes it sound so clinical. Rescue. Repent? The semantics don’t matter.
“So you say,” Black Star mutters.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Black Star doesn’t respond. “Black Star?”
Black Star shifts a little, causing his mangled hand to twitch a tiny bit. His whole face crumbles in pain. Kid reaches out a hand—to do what, he’s not sure. To help, to soothe, to make things better.
But Black Star flinches. Kid’s hand stops.
He’s been doing his best to force his thoughts away from what Black Star’s been through while he’s been trapped here. To avoid thinking about the way those people hurt him. The physical injuries are plain to see, but it’s clear his wounds are deeper than that. Kid can’t stand it any longer.
“I’m sorry.”
Black Star opens his eyes. “What?”
He can’t hold it back anymore. The guilt that’s been clawing at his chest for the entire time Black Star has been gone is now threatening to swallow him whole. He looks at Black Star’s broken body miserably. Human bodies are so fragile.
“It should have been me.”
It’s the thing he’s been wanting to say this whole time. Tsubaki knew it. Kid knew it. Black Star surely knew it. Those cuffs were made for him. Black Star is feeling this hopeless because of him.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Black Star asks, all the bitterness gone from his voice, replaced by pure confusion.
“Don’t play dumb,” Kid says. Now he sounds like the bitter one. Except his voice is sounding thick, his throat tightening with emotion. “You’re not who they meant to capture.”
“So?”
“So, this is all my fault!”
“Wait, this?” Black Star looks down at himself, indirectly pointing out his injuries. “Or this?” He wriggles his shoulders, jangling the heavy chains attached to his cuffs.
Kid can hardly bear to look at it. “Either. Both. All of it.”
“You’re so stupid,” Black Star says. Somehow, it’s this statement that makes him sound the most like himself. Or, himself before.
But his eye. His hand. The cuts ribboning his arms and torso. He’s never looked more human to Kid. More fragile.
“You can’t beat yourself up about things you literally didn’t do to me, idiot.” Black Star says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “If you want to apologize for curb stomping me in the academy courtyard, I’ll accept that.”
That’s so unexpected, Kid finds himself actually snorting. He shouldn’t, he genuinely needs to apologize for that, but somehow he finds his lips curling up instead.
“There,” Black Star says. “Got you smiling. No one should be frowning when looking at the great Black Star.”
It does make Kid feel marginally better. Which is ultimately still frustrating, that the boy dangling in the center of the room in chains is the one doing the comforting. Some rescuer Kid is.
Because, despite everything, Kid still seeks Black Star for comfort. He wants to reach out to him, to feel his warmth and be reminded of those feelings, but refrains. He still remembers that flinch.
He sobers himself. “We’re wasting time. I need to get you out of here.”
It sobers Black Star too. Kid doesn’t even think he realizes it, but every mention of escape has him shrinking into himself.  
“Well, like I said. There’s no key,” Black Star says, trying to retain the same cadence to his voice as before, and failing.
Kid steps into Black Star’s space carefully. Black Star’s eyes meet his nervously. “I won’t touch them, I promise.”
He circles Black Star slowly, looking at the cuffs. There’s no keyhole. There doesn’t even appear to be a hinge or a seam. The cuffs circle Black Star’s brutal-looking wrists completely, one continuous iron circle. It must be the magic in them, like Black Star said. Kid could try to wrench them apart, but he doesn’t think he can do that without hurting Black Star, or without causing that horrible shocking. He twists the rings on his fingers idly as he wracks his brain for a solution, and jumps back suddenly when a visible bolt of electricity zips from the cuffs, shaking Black Star.
“Fuck,” Black Star cries out.
Kid panics. “I swear, I didn’t touch—”
“I know you didn’t,” Black Star rasps. He huffs out a few shallow breaths. “That’s not what causes it, usually.”
Kid pauses. “It isn’t?”
“I don’t know what causes the shocks. They just kind of happen at random.”
Kid turns this over in his head. That sort of magic doesn’t sound like Noah’s style. Based on how battered Black Star is, Kid assumed the man was seriously sadistic. Programming the shackles to zap at random doesn’t seem cruel enough. Not from a person who would who kept Black Star strung up here for months, purely to test them.
“Can you think of any of the times went off, specifically?”
Black Star looks like he wants to reply with something snarky, but he sees the expression on Kid’s face and stops himself. Kid might be on to something.
Black Star takes a moment to really think.
“When I was mad, mostly.” Black Star says, discovering a pattern. “When Gopher would say something to piss me off, I’d get zapped.”
“Maybe that means—”
“Well, no. That wasn’t the only time. Sometimes when I was by myself, I’d get shocked too. When I was—"Black Star stops short, like he doesn’t want to say it. There’s something about how he looks right now. A vulnerability that reminds Kid of just how young Black Star is. “When I’d be trying to escape. They’d shock me whenever things started looking up.”
Kid wishes he could feel Black Star’s wavelength right now. It would help him decipher what the pinched-up expression on Black Star’s face could mean. Shame, maybe? It’s been so long since he’s been able to decode Black Star. Has he forgotten how?
Wait, Kid thinks. He freezes so suddenly even Black Star flinches a bit from it.
“Black Star,” he says seriously. “What were you thinking just now, when the cuffs electrocuted you?”
Black Star’s eyebrows raise. Is he nervous? Kid realizes he can’t tell. Black Star is standing right in front of him, alive as can be, but he still can’t sense his wavelength.
“Nothing,” Black Star says, but it comes out so defensively, Kid is positive he’s lying.
Kid doesn’t care what the reasoning was, not really. He’s caught up in the thrill of almost having an answer. “Shift your wrists for me, please? I need to be able to see the inside of the shackles.”
Black Star grumbles something unintelligible. Kid only hears something that sounds like “no damn sense…” But he pulls his wrists apart as best has he can manage, so the insides of his wrists aren’t flush with the metal of the cuffs. Kid looks at them closely, watching little shimmers of colorful light bounce off the smooth inner edge.
“Black Star, it’s a mirror.”
“Huh?”
“The magic from the cuffs. It doesn’t send of off a signal to shock you at random intervals, it’s reflecting your wavelength.” Kid is so pleased with this discovery, he can hardly sit still. “That’s why I can’t feel you with my Soul Perception.”
Black Star looks completely lost.
“Look,” Kid says, trying to keep his voice even. “You know how when a witch uses Soul Protect, it prevents her from projecting her magical wavelength out past her body?” Black Star nods. Thank God some of their studying stuck. “The cuffs work the same way. Every time your soul wavelength spikes, the cuffs reflect it back at you in the form of electricity. It’s a mirror.”
Understanding begins to bloom on Black Star’s face. He looks up at the offending restraints, straining his neck backwards to stare at them.
“So you’re telling me, I’ve been holding myself captive this hold time? I’m hurting me?”
Kid nods emphatically, so pleased with himself for solving the mystery that he doesn’t immediately notice that Black Star isn’t sharing in his excitement.
Black Star lets out a single, hollow laugh.
Kid’s happiness simmers down. “Black Star?”
But Black Star just shakes himself a little. “No, that makes sense.” He clears his throat. “So how does that help me get out? I can’t exactly turn off my soul wavelength.”
Another idea pops into Kid’s mind. “We don’t have to turn it off, per se. We just have to neutralize it.” He steps closer to Black Star, craning his neck to look at the chains. “You know how Professor Stein would fight? How he’d appraise someone’s wavelength and adjust his so it was the opposite of his opponent’s?” He meets Black Star’s eyes. “If we use that method, we could cancel out your wavelength so it doesn’t hurt you. Then all we’d have to do is shatter the cuffs.”
“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Black Star says, but something about his expression isn’t right. Just moments ago, Black Star told Kid the electricity would spike whenever he felt close to an escape, but right now Black Star’s wavelength doesn’t appear to be giving the cuffs any juice.
“What’s wrong?” Kid asks.
Black Star shakes his head sullenly and tries to perk up. “Not important. Let’s just spring me, okay? I’m sick of hanging here.”
Kid wants to press him, but Black Star is right. He shouldn’t force Black Star to hang here in pain longer than necessary. They’ll have time to talk after all this is over.
He takes another half-step towards Black Star, minimizing the space between them. Nervousness possesses him suddenly.
“This would be easier with our weapon partners here,” Kid says quietly. Weapons were conduits for meisters’ souls, after all. Resonating with Black Star without Tsubaki or the Thompsons here might be tricky. Doubt creeps in even more. What if he hurts Black Star? “I’ve never done this technique before. It might not be as easy as Stein makes it look—”
“Kid,” Black Star interrupts. He meets Kid’s eyes. “You’re good. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”
Kid tries not to look taken aback but such Black Star’s insistent vote of confidence.
He clears his throat. “Okay. I’m going to need you to activate the cuffs. I need a bit your wavelength to resonate with.”
Black Star nods gravely.
Kid slips out of his jacket, then holds it in front of them and rips off one of the sleeves. He holds it in front of Black Star’s face. “Here, this might help.”
Black Star understands easily, opening his mouth and biting down on the sleeve.
Kid breathes out slowly. Black Star mirrors him, exhaling loudly through his nose.
Kid hovers close to Black Star once more. “Okay,” he says gently. “Whenever you’re ready.”
It takes Black Star a few more beats, closing his eyes. It takes incredibly courage, Kid thinks, to actively hurt yourself like this. He gives Black Star as long as he needs.
At last, Black Star opens his eyes, determination blazing behind them. Then, he activates his Soul Force.
The electricity ripples through him. Kid closes his eyes, blocking out Black Star’s pained sounds as he screams through gritted teeth, and zeroes in on his wavelength.
The symmetry of this project would have pleased him if this could have involved anything else but hurting Black Star intentionally. Changing his soul wavelength to reflect Black Star’s is the ultimate act of symmetry. He changes the shape of his soul like crafting a key to a lock. For every spike, Kid becomes a valley. For every over-powered attack in Black Star’s soul, Kid is a graceful block. For every ounce of boundless confidence, Kid projects subtle humility. For every loud, joyous laugh, Kid is restraint.
Kid opens his eyes and steps back.
Black Star stops shocking himself, spitting out the jacket sleeve and panting heavily.
“Did it—” his voice breaks. He swallows and starts over. “Did it work?”
It would have. Kid could tell. If he had continued picking apart Black Star’s soul and molding his own soul to be equal and opposite, he’d have neutralized Black Star’s wavelength.
But he can’t do it.
“No.”
Black Star’s expression is shattered. “No?”
Kid shakes his head. “I can’t do this.”
Black Star starts to tremble, hard. “What do you mean? I’m gonna be stuck here? I thought it was working!” His eyes blaze with panic. “You’re Death the Kid, you can do anything. You can’t tell me you can’t do it. I can’t—” His breath hitches high.
Kid’s heart is breaking. He reaches forward, damning the cuffs, damning Noah, damning Black Star himself for making Black Star feel this way. His hands cup Black Star’s face, before he can fall deeper into a spiral.
“Black Star, we will get you out of here,” he assures steadily. “But it won’t be me freeing you.”
Black Star falters. “You--?”
“You’re going to do it.”
Kid can’t free Black Star this way. Doing so would mean that the key to freeing Black Star from himself is to be everything he’s not. A wavelength that’s mild-mannered. Agreeable. Quiet. Small.
During his captivity, Black Star had been conditioned to believe that every trait that was fundamentally him would get him hurt. Kid can’t stand to think that that’s the key to his freedom as well.
“Kid, I can’t. I—I’m too—”
“Weak?”
Black Star’s mouth snaps shut. He doesn’t answer.
That’s what Kid was afraid of. Kid damns himself most of all.
“Black Star, you could not be further from weak.”
But he can tell that Black Star doesn’t believe him. After months of being alone, stewing on the most hurtful thing Kid has ever said to him, while unable to free himself from his captivity, it’s no wonder Black Star believes it wholeheartedly.
Kid can’t stand it.
“You wanna know the reason why you’re here right now?” Kid says, almost angrily.
Black Star looks taken aback by Kid’s sudden change in attitude.
“You’re here because you made the choice to jump between me and someone who could have killed me with one touch. With no idea what the outcome would be, you sacrificed yourself. There’s nothing weak about that.”
“You’re spinning it to be better than it was,” Black Star insists.
“No. I’m not,” Kid says. “Because that’s how you always are. Fighting for the sake of others. Protecting people.” He swallows. “Protecting me.”
“Kid—”
“You’ve been stuck here this long because your heart is too big, Black Star. Your soul is too powerful to be contained. They weren’t preying on your weakness when they put these shackles on you.” He squeezes Black Star’s face, putting everything he has into the next statement so Black Star will fucking understand. “They were using your strength against you.”
Black Star opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. The wounded expression he’s been wearing has transformed into bewilderment. Kid hopes that means he’s coming around.
“So, no,  I will not be neutralizing your wavelength. The great and powerful Black Star that I know would never let himself be dimmed like that,” he says with conviction.
Black Star finds his voice, quiet though it may be. “I am a big star, after all.”
Kid’s soul warms at the sound of it.
He beams back at Black Star.
“The biggest.”
-
It’s different this time. They both know it will hurt, but instead of fear, both Kid and Black Star are looking at each other with certainty.
Kid’s places a hand on Black Star’s chest, warm and solid, right over his heart.
“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Black Star assures once more, though Kid knows it’s only a formality. “You don’t have to feel it, too.”
Kid rolls his eyes. “Now who’s being stupid?”
The edges of Black Star’s mouth curl up, just a little.
Kid breathes in deeply, centering himself. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Black Star nods. It takes less time than before, for Black Star to rev up his soul wavelength. The electric current rushes through both of them now, and it hits Kid again just how awful these past few months must have been for Black Star. Electricity rips up and down Kid’s spine, but he grits his teeth and focuses on his job.
His soul grabs onto Black Star’s wavelength, same as before, but this time Kid doesn’t work on countering it, he focuses on supporting it.
His eyes are closed, but Kid can tell without looking how hard Black Star is concentrating, because he can feel it. Despite their lack of weapon partners, Kid and Black Star’s connection remains steady and strong. He can feel how hard Black Star is pushing his wavelength outwards, harder than he’s tried to the entire time he’s been trapped here.
Kid grits his teeth through the hot stabs of pain and simply believes. Believes in Black Star, who’s never given up on anything in his life. The Black Star who’s all obnoxious laughs and cocky grins. The Black Star who shouts to the whole world that he’s the best, and then strives every moment of every day to prove it.
Every time the electricity lets up, the pain starts to fade, Kid’s soul pushes up against Black Star’s insistently, urgently reminding him that giving up is not his nature, and he won’t let it start now.
“C’mon,” Kid says, through gritted teeth. He leans forward, knocking his forehead into Black Star’s. “You can do this. If anyone can, it’s you.”
The pain gets worse, fire blazing all of Kid’s cells. One of them is shaking, or maybe both of them are, and Black Star lets out a roar—
Come on, Black Star. Kid prays. He’s so close. Come on come on come on—
The shaking gets stronger, and Kid knows now that it’s not coming from him. He cracks open one eye, peering above them, where Black Star’s wrists are straining and straining—
Kid shoots all the encouragement he can through his wavelength, hoping it reaches him, hoping he knows—
“YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!”
Quick as a heart attack, the shackles snap, the heavy metal separating and crashing to the ground.
Black Star and Kid come crashing down too. Kid can hardly think through the pain, but instinctually his arms wrap around Black Star and twists, so Kid absorbs most of the impact as they land on the checkered tile in a heap.
Neither of them can speak right away. Black Star lays on Kid’s chest, breathing heavily. They’re both probably fried to hell, but Kid can’t even focus on that. His whole body feels lighter than air. He’s never been so happy to hear one of Black Star’s obnoxious “yahoo”s before.
He sits up after a while, knowing full well that Black Star is in no condition to be supporting himself right now. Thankfully, Kid is always here to help with that.
He props himself up on his elbows, looking down at the length of his body, where Black Star is still covering most of him. Through all the blood and bruises—and looking more than a little fried around the edges—Black Star is smiling brilliantly.
And his wavelength. Kid can finally sense it again. He didn’t know he could miss the feeling of someone’s soul as much as this. He never wants to part from it again.
When Black Star starts to laugh, Kid can’t help but laugh with him.
“We did it,” Black Star says giddily.
Kid shakes his head. “You did it. I knew you could.”
Black Star shuffles a bit, struggling to pull himself up into a sitting position. He tries to move his arms and just ends up wincing. Kid helps, sitting up the rest of the way and pulling Black Star up with him.
Black Star leans on Kid heavily. Kid bares the weight of him easily; he’ll never do anything to push him away again.
“Kid?” Black Star asks.
Kid turns to look at him. “Hm?”
And Black Star kisses him.
It’s short and sweet, over before Kid can even respond, but when Black Star pulls away, Kid’s mouth remembers the warmth of it.
“Thank you,” he says simply.
Kid blinks owlishly. He can feel it. He wants to revel in it, he really does, but he needs to know. “Was that—is that just a thank you kiss?” He feels stupid to even ask, but he can’t misinterpret this again. “Or was it…?”
It’s not encouraging that Black Star has to think about it for a moment.
“That can be a thank you kiss, sure,” Black Star says thoughtfully.
Kid tries not to deflate. He’s so busy schooling his expression he isn’t prepared for when Black Star ducks in and brushes his lips to Kid’s again. He leans back to look Kid in the eyes. “And that was an ‘I’m sorry’ kiss.”
When he leans in a third time, Kid is ready for it. He captures Black Star’s mouth with his, making sure he kisses back with equal fervor.
Black Star pulls back, looking dazed and happy.
“And that one is just because I wanted to,” Black Star says contently.
Kid’s heart is a bird, soaring through blue skies.
Part of him never wants to leave this moment. Sitting in this magic prison, his pantleg soaked through from the puddle of blood they’re sitting in, with Black Star warm in his arms, kissing him just because he wants to. They’ll leave soon, and find help, and finally get out of this stupid Book once and for all. But for a moment Kid wants just this.
He twists the ring on his right index finger, then the one on his left. Black Star watches the action, his soul overflowing with affection.
“What?” Kid asks.
“I love it, when you do that,” he says like it’s the most natural thing in the world. “You always make sure to twist both.”
It makes Kid flush, to think about someone would be paying attention to the little things he does like that. Though, he did just spend the last couple minutes beaming into Black Star’s soul all the little things he loves about him. Maybe love goes both ways like that.
Symmetrical, Kid thinks.
He doesn’t say it though. He doesn’t need to.
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annabelle--cane · 3 months
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Sorry if this is weird but I’m working on this book that feels like my first substantial foray into literature, and I’m really proud of it. But it’s also a lot of work and my life is…life, so I get into motivational slumps a lot.
Lately I’ve been like “But think of the random thoughtful tumblr posts (by people like you) where they realize something I was trying to say, or reveal some new way to read the text entirely!” and it gets me through the slumps.
If you published a work with a lot of hidden messages and metaphors, would you want to tell people what you meant? Would you correct people if they got it wrong?
I used to think I would tell everyone EXACTLY what things meant. It has always been frustrating to me when authors are vague as hell about their meanings behind things. But now writing this story, I kinda want to see how much people catch on to. If I write it well enough, they’ll get all the main ones. But maybe some of them will only get one or two! And there’s like a puzzle network of understanding in your audience!
I think I’d correct them if their interpretations were somehow harmful, but that would also mostly be about figuring out how those messages came out of the text so it doesn’t happen again.
saur. my answer to these questions are layered, and I'm going to answer them kind of out of order.
as an audience member, about 70% of the time I really enjoy hearing what authors have to say about their work. it can often point me to areas of consideration that I hadn't really been focusing on before, and creators usually care a lot about their text and have paid great attention to it and so their opinions are often well-informed and consider all angles. and then that other 30% of the time I hear what an author has to say about their work and it's like we're discussing completely different things, and I'm sure they meant to write their work to come off a certain way, but something appears to have gotten hideously lost in translation because that is Not what I read. and I sit there like 😬 you don't know him (this story you wrote) like I do 😬 .
as an english lit student, I could not care less what authors have to say about their work. the text is the text, the book is in my hand, and sure, I might look into what commentary an author has made, but that is ultimately superfluous to my analysis and I'll treat it with exactly the same weight as any other interpretation I come across. if I can back up my argument with evidence and criticism then no one can tell me I'm wrong, including the author. overall I don't think someone can actually be "wrong" about their interpretation of an art work as long as they have sufficient supporting evidence. if a meaning has been successfully put into the text then it's there and I will be able to find it, and if it hasn't then no amount of creator commentary will insert it post hoc.
as a creative writer, this is one of the main things that I think peer review and workshopping is really useful for. as a little story time, I took a creative writing class last year and submitted a piece for workshop that I thought was truly just an embarrassingly unsubtle fairytale-esque allegory for addiction, where the protagonist is in a toxic but thrilling relationship with a tricksy fairy named poppy who will bring them to intoxicating magical ballrooms out in the woods, but only at the cost of all their human relationships and, eventually, their own physical wellbeing. only one person in the class got the metaphor, and this told me that a) wow my experiences are not universal, and b) during revisions I should focus on making the story substantial enough on its own that readers can enjoy it even if they don't twig anything about the fairy literally being named poppy.
a lot of other people in that class got feedback on their work about interpretations they didn't intend, and depending on how wildly a reading varied from their intention they would then try and remove whatever made that reading possible in subsequent edits and emphasize what they actually meant. of course, you can't write for your hypothetical worst audience who will actively disinterpret your work as much as possible, but if you've got a workshop group or just a few friends that you think are reasonable readers then I'd recommend sharing what you've got with them and hearing what they're getting from it.
as a person in fandom, oh my god do I not want to touch anything with a ten foot pole if the author goes around correcting audience interpretation, because that makes for an absolutely insufferable fan environment. even when authors are aware of fan culture and try to phrase their gripes with their work's reception as inoffensively as possible, it can still shut down a lot of creative spirit and galvanize fandom hall monitors into taking matters into their own hands. and most authors aren't even that nice about it.
to sum up what I would do (might eventually do? depending on how my life works out?) were I to publish something for wide release, I think I would want to do fairly regular peer review to double check that what I'm writing isn't completely out of alignment with what I want it to be, and I'd probably write some of my own interpretation of my work but keep it out of the way enough that it's clearly not meant to be taken as part of the work itself, and be very clear that my relation and reaction to the text is based on my own mind and life experiences and may not line up with others', and that's fine.
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visionoasis · 3 months
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One of my Sonic fanfiction romance icks is cheating stories.
It’s not the act of cheating itself that’s the problem for me. It’s everything around the cheating. I feel like the writing is often weak, the characters almost never feel like themselves, and I think the Sonic franchise is not suited for it. At all.
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And I’m not even talking about the act of the cheat for the characters feeling out of character. I mean yeah. That’s obviously part of it. But the personalities are often so… out of character that I just don’t buy it. For example: a lot of sonamy vs sonally stories the characters get venomous so fast! This happens in a lot of Sonadow cheat stories too! I’m sure it’s across the board. (A lot of people pick the same few “victims” too. Which is an interesting commentary in itself.)
I’m not blind. There are certainly some examples of the behavior in “canon”. Like in the Archie Comics. I like to think I’m not closed minded either. I like crackships. I like AUs, canon x OC, gay, weird scenarios, whatever. You don’t have to stick to the canon guideline. I dare say it’s better if you loosen up and do your own thing. I do.
But I feel like in addition the writing is often very bare bones reasoning as to why the cheating happened? The motivation is almost always the same across works. “New person hot, I’m attracted”. And while this is a very real reason people cheat it often comes with weak character writing. People often sacrifice character depth for the drama of the cheat. Especially for the person being cheated on, they’re often a blank slate because the obvious focus is the ship they wanted to write.
Which that… works... that’s fine. Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn’t make the story compelling either. Especially in long form. It reminds me of the other irks I have with the trope too. Like the victim killing themselves or the victim secretly being an abusive asshole all along to justify the actions, etc etc. For me it’s not fun to read. They’re narrative shortcuts to write the happily ever after of the ship and I think ruins the point. I tend to like stuff that embraces the messiness and characters that own they aren’t being nice. It should be messy because they made a messy choice.
Don’t confuse these as judgements. These are blatant preferences of mine. Not every fanfiction has to be a grandiose art piece that we will tell tales of for eons to come. You should write what you like. And undeniably people clearly like reading it, as that’s why there’s so much of it. You damn well shouldn’t be writing to make people like me happy. I am so obviously not your demographic and that’s very okay for both parties!
But I can still have thoughts on it and reflect why it doesn’t bring me enjoyment. If that bothers you; write more fanfiction about it for the real ones. I respect that.
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siryouarebeingmocked · 5 months
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So there's this web novel called Worm.
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[art source]
 It's about a dark and edgy world that's full of superpowered folks, and which is, therefore, about three steps away from dystopian collapse. Many places are already there.
The story is about a teenage bullying victim who gains powers, and uses them to become a very dangerous supervillain, despite her best efforts.
And anyone familiar with the RWBY fandom may have just gone "wait, this sounds familiar. Are there a lot of fics where a main character gets an alternate power set?"
Yes, yes there are.
In this fanfic I'm about to complain about, Taylor gets an already existing power that's already broken.
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Canon has "Path to Victory", which is almost literally just an "I WIN" button. It tells "Contessa" what she needs to do to succeed at almost any goal she wants. She's a big blindspot for people who can see the future.
Some powerful entities can't be accurately predicted, she can't predict how people will "trigger" and get their powers, and she's terrible in space.
Taylor has the darker, edgier little brother. Which is just an "I WIN" button, with no “almost”. It means she gets to do whatever she wants, and she’s a borderline sociopath.
Someone tries to mind-whammy taylor? Nope, doesn't work.
Contessa tries to use PTV.on Taylor? Doesn't work.
Look, this is obviously, transparently a stompfic. And there two ways to go with that.
ROFLSTOMP, or take it seriously.
Make it a humour fic, or focus on how the protagonist seems strange to those around them, and how they see everyone else as strange in return. Also how the protagonists actions affect various people and the system. 
If you want challenge just give them mutually contradictory goals. The power can't do x without risking or losing y and certainly can't take care of z at the same time.
I read a Harry potter story which gave Snape the path to victory and the last published chapter was snape sitting in a bar trying to figure out what he wanted to do next. Looking back, that was probably meant to represent the author.
You can tell a good dramatic story with an OP protagonist. You just have to work harder.
This story mostly worked hard on setting up literally contrived situations so Taylor can kill someone in amusing fashion. And people's amusing reactions. That's the main selling point.
And of course the author and Taylor say that she has no more moral issues with killing. Because ROFLSTOMP.
In fact, one of the first things she does is literally stomp Sophia to death.
Taylor will still go after hard drug dealers because they hurt people, but she'll leave soft drug dealers alone. And of course she hates the local Nazi gang.
In short, she's a very selective sociopath.
So the story tries to mix both types, including with Sociopolitical Commentary™. It doesn't work very well.
At one point Taylor cracks a joke about tech Bros. 
Fun fact: Worm  takes place in an alternate universe where there is a very slim chance that they would develop that particular slang. A universe that is culturally very different from our own. In fact, I'm pretty sure the original webnovel ended before "tech bro" was even really a phrase.
And when Taylor kills the local Injustice League, she gets the bounty, and decides to donate it to the city. Specifically, she announces, the general public. 
And in case anyone was wondering why it can’t be given to businesses directly, she says trickle down economics doesn't work.
Let's ignore whether that's true or not. Trickle down economics usually refers to tax cuts. Not handouts and bailouts. Also the phrase was popularized mainly with Ronald Reagan's tax cuts.
Note that superheroes and villains started appearing on record in 1984. Reagan's first tax cuts were in 1981. His second were in 86. By 1985 in the worm universe, the breakfast club came out with Nic cage as bender. Superheroes didn't go public until 1987.
So it's possible that the phrase could still exist in the worm universe.
But it does seem strange that a teenager with little interest in politics happens to use it. In fact it seems a lot more like something an adult writer from our universe would use.*
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And besides all that, it's just getting one note. No char development. Even the people reacting to Taylor do it the same way.
I mean I knew this was going to be self indulgent Mary Sue nonsense from the jump, so I really have nobody to blame but myself.
*To be fair, precedent does exist in canon. There's a character called Nice Guy. He can make himself appear to be a non threat, or even socially invisible, even when people are actively trying to find him or he's slitting a throat. Which sounds a lot like the 2000s  internet feminist stereotype of a nice guy. Ironically, the character concept was originally for a girl.
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chameleonspell · 2 months
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HTDC commentary - 1: numb
[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]
chapter text: 1: numb
This chapter has had the most edits over time, as my writing skills increased, and I got ever more annoyed at the state of the opening, which ought not to be the worst writing in the fic, if I wanted anyone to stick around. It still needs work, but I was not made of infinite energy. I largely just tried to improve what was already there, rather than do what I really ought to have done, which is do some proper scene-setting. None of the early chapters have much in the way of description, especially of places. I was very much working on the principle that it was fanfic, and the whole point of fanfic was that I didn't need to do that. My assumed reader was intimately familiar with Seyda Neen, because my assumed reader was myself. I was absolutely writing only the bits I enjoyed writing, which was dialogue.
I'm still torn on the first paragraph, because in trying to make it more interesting, I mostly only succeeded in making it florid and purple. The reason I let it stand is because of a favourite excuse of mine for slightly ridiculous writing - it accurately reflects the mental state of the protagonist, i.e. tangled and confused. I will use this excuse again.
(See, maybe there's no description because Iriel's really out of it, and can't register anything! Bad writing is diegetic if the characters are having a bad time!)
Iriel was dragged
Not the exact wording of the original first-draft opening line, but I edited it in for symmetry, after I wrote the last words of the last chapter ("Iriel moved forwards").  Which was, according to an email I sent at the time, in June 2015, so less than three months after I wrote the first words? That seems crazy. I do remember writing a first draft of the ending chapter quite early on, but... that early? Gosh.
When I say I wrote the ending three months after the beginning, I mean that I ONLY wrote the ending. I then spent two more years, filling in the 198 chapters in between.
The contrasting significance of the beginning and ending lines was expanded from something Philip Pullman said about making sure the first and last words of His Dark Materials were both "Lyra", because it's her story, and she encompasses it.
the guard had seized the elf by his bony wrist
A running theme of Iriel's physical trauma triggers: grab him by the wrist and he's liable to shut down completely. A jail thing, of course - make sure the magic user can't cast spells.
His bare toes snagged between the planks of the jetty
Every time I read this, I flinch, and feel the exact sensation, because it is such a terrible, terrible sensation. I know I do worse things to Iriel later, but I might hate this one the most.
Oh gods. Come on, Ire.
Many people have told me they found they were pronouncing Iriel wrong, when they read him sound it phonetically in chapter 90: "Iriel. Eye-ree-el." I can see their point, but in that case, I want to know how they were pronouncing "Ire", the shortening he gives, right at the start! Which is an English word, pronounced like the Ire in Ireland, so I hoped that implied the pronunciation of Iriel
Regarding Iriel's name: I chose it because it was visually short, having a lot of long, thin letters in it, and I liked the symmetry of the capital I and the lower-case L at the end. The shortened version, Ire, is even more featherweight, barely more than a pronoun. This is a real boon for a protagonist name that's gonna turn up in almost every sentence - you can throw it in a lot, for clarity, and it doesn't look awkward. 
I think I found it in a name list on uesp.net, and I don't think it was specifically feminine-coded at the time? ESO was only just out, so I refuse to be blamed for things it added to canon, such as two female NPCs called Iriel. My personal headcanon is that it's a unisex Altmeri name and the first i is pronounced short when it's feminine, and long when it's masculine. In his not-strictly-canon tumblr bookclub with @quickchangeartist's OC Moraelyn, Iriel says of his name:
P.S. i rolled my eyes gently at your “dear little bird” bit, but did you actually know my name is avian-derived, or was that an adorable accident? an iriel is a very pretty but sadly extinct type of finch (I am less pretty, but also less dead, a condition with which i am (on good days) content.) My mother selected the name in order to make me more matrimoniably palatable to her bird-mad noble friend. So mercenary
Iriel’s eyes jittered from surface to surface. “I was in the hold! I didn’t see anything! I don’t know anything about boats! I mean, the sail’s clearly square-rigged, but a brig should have at least two masts, I really have no idea what you’d call it, I didn’t get a chance to examine, I… I was in the hold. I don’t know anything.
In draft one, all Ire said was that he didn't know anything about boats. Then I reread it later, when it had been established that Iriel's dad was a fisherman, Iriel knows how to sail a simple boat, has absorbed a fair amount of nautical terminology, and, in general, KNOWS ABOUT BOATS! Which, I have to warn you, from a writer's perspective, is a fucking terrible thing to have your character know about. The research is a nightmare. Never have a character know anything about boats!
Anyway, I decided it was much funnier if he reeled off a bunch of technical stuff about boats, while still claiming he didn't know anything about them, because... he's just that confused? His reflexive paranoid guilt makes him deny knowledge under questioning on general principle? He doesn't think of himself as someone who knows about boats, in comparison to his dad? Yes.
someone a head taller than he was
I forget at what point I established Iriel's precise height. He's 6'4", which is below average, for an Altmer, but tall for Morrowind, a shift of identity and perspective he never quite adjusts to.
“Oh. Well… my name is Iriel of Lillandril. Which is far too many Is and Ls in one name, and really, you’d think my parents would’ve known better. We Altmer use loconymics, as I’m sure you know, so–”
Again, I chose Lillandril more or less at random from the Summerset map, based on it having a lot of Is and Ls, which felt right, all tall and Altmery, and a little bit ridiculous. Say it three times fast and you're basically yodelling. Later, I established Lillandril as Fantasy Wales, accent-wise, which made it even better.
ESO might have since established something different with Altmer surnames, lore-wise, but I don't know or care. Loconymics (being named for the place you come from) seem the norm for Altmer in Morrowind, and I like that.
I made up "loconymic", though googling now, there are other uses. I probably should have used toponym, as loconym is a greek-latin mix, which is bad practice. But I wanted a word for "named after a place" where the meaning was easily inferrable, without knowing either Greek or Latin, and "locus" is more familiar from words like "location" than "topos" is. I was trying to keep my linguistic technobabble vaguely intelligible!
In the very first draft, Iriel claimed he was a foundling in this line mentioning his parents, which was my attempt to stick to the exact terms of the whole Morrowind "uncertain parentage" thing. But I very quickly retconned it, realising there was far more mileage in having Iriel know he was connected by blood to his parents, and all the Altmeri angst he has over that. Only the first of many, many in-game "facts" I decided to bend or outright contradict! But it took me a while to realise I was allowed to do that, now, that I didn't have to keep to canon, as long as everything hangs together. In this case, I justified it later, by saying that the Empire had recorded Iriel as having unknown parents, because that's what he told them when he was arrested, in a futile attempt to prevent his family finding out.
pale-gold Altmer face, amber eyes and soft brown hair.
I had read something that advised writers to give hot, fiery angry characters warm colouration, and cold, reserved characters cool colouration, and I thought that was stupid. Iriel's not exactly cold (just numb), but Altmer in general are seen as cold, especially in contrast to fire-themed Dunmer, and... anyway, I wanted a warm-toned Altmer, because why not? Amber eyes is pretty, but not extravagantly so. I didn't want him to be exceptional, in any way - he's someone who can easily vanish from sight and memory, after all. So, he gets the most "boring" hair colour, mouse brown, which I have a soft spot for.
@Sinilakki sent me a picture very soon after I posted this chapter, and I was delighted, because clearly my limited physical description had worked - it was perfect. My first ever picture of Iriel, and it's still one of my absolute favourites.
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“You are male, aren’t you? Hard to tell with you elves.” Ire racked his addled brain for the sort of lacerating response he would have given to that, in better days, but failed miserably.
The first thing to produce an actual spark of defiance in Iriel, even if he doesn't manage to act on it. Ire's experiences of Imperials having offensive ideas about elven gender will reoccur, once he's in a fit state to lecture about it.
Ire squeaked, and shifted as best he could, stumbling towards the door and struggling with the handle until it finally obeyed him.
All this is so early Pratchett, isn't it? Rincewind, but younger and gayer. Make a wet, nervous wizard and give him problems.
previous: 0: intro next: 2: labels
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writtenatdawn · 11 months
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Mistranslation
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Word count: 482 words
I fixed my eyes on the painting in front of me. The confluence of colors makes up a picture of people gathering in a grand ballroom, beautifully framed in wood that has been intricately carved and lacquered gold. It doesn’t require an art degree to agree that the painting is breathtakingly stunning.
“It’s … people,” said a voice from my right, weak—just enough for me to hear. “But don’t get me wrong, the painting is clearly very great. I mean … turning blues and reds into a realistic painting of people? The painter must be madly talented.”
I chuckled, amused by Jaehyun’s commentary. “Exactly my thoughts, too.” He smiled upon hearing my remark.
“Right,” he then mumbled. “Sorry, I have my shortcomings with words.”
“No, no, that’s fine! I imagine I can’t even start to describe any of the artworks here for our report, not if I want to give them justice,” I quickly blurted. Jaehyun was going to burst into a fit of laughter, but decided to hold back.
“There goes our A, I guess.” Both of us giggled sneakily.
Him and I walked side-to-side to the next display. It consisted of two transparent guitar cases, one filled with cigarette butts and the other with capsules. The surface is covered with people singing and playing instruments—line art style. 
“It’s filled with cigarette butts,” Jaehyun elaborated matter-of-factly, unintentionally mimicking a news anchor reading their script. 
“And the other one is filled with capsules,” I chimed in. In an attempt to suppress my laughter, I settled for a smile.
I saw Jaehyun breaking into a smile himself, following in my footsteps. He raised his palm to put it on the back of his head. He fixed his eyes on the guitar cases in front of us, trying to decipher the meaning of the art.
“I’m quite sure it’s a critique on today’s music scene, but it’s hard for me to read beyond that,” Jaehyun sighed in defeat. “If you squint, I think it’s also an indirect barb at our campus’ band members who seemed to smoke all the time. Ah, whatever. What do I know anyway?”
“Don’t worry, your opinion is valid,” I assured him. While I meant every word, the manner in which I framed it was deceptive. Jaehyun laughed, most certainly due to his misinterpretation of what I said.
We continued our tour of the museum to look at numerous thought-provoking art pieces. Our brain is constantly aroused to contemplate and ponder in an effort to make sense of the art, but we constantly fall short. Perhaps the fault is in our limited vocabulary and understanding of all the finer things in life, or perhaps it’s the quiet talks of other visitors. However, my inner self suspected that Jaehyun’s disconcerting presence was to blame.
There’s only one thing that I know for sure. If it ever comes to it, I know I can attest to the last one.
[Republished to fit the updated blog post format]
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crimsonxe · 11 months
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Rant below:
Dumbass on YT who has a record shitting on the RWBY has decided to do a vid where he says the community is responsible for the delay of greenlighting; because y'know people don't support AU's (and I doubt he means the good ones, instead likely thinking of "Ruining RWBY" type that are an insult to the show) or don't support sexualizing of characters or straight-washing characters. I guess everyone should continue to blindly support those people cause "fandom", instead of going "nooooooope".
Also while giving Miles credit for his voice work, making sure to put in a backhand to everyone else likely the female VA's; because ofc a piece of shit incel/neckbeard is going to do that. Which shouldn't be shocking cause iirc this neckbeard asshole has already taken shots at Barb and Arryn in the past.
The moron also thinks that rich vs. poor is a wrong concept probably in general but he's talking about the Atlas arc; y'know where it was repeatedly shown that such divide existed. But as usual this crowd doesn't care about that, just whatever bullshit they think matters or doesn't. And this jackass gives off the exact vibes one would think of from someone that takes issue with a commentary about poor vs. rich as a concept. Also directly mentioning Celtic thus confirming that the likely AU was "Ruining RWBY"-'s bullshit.
Keep in mind Ruining RWBY did:
faunus heat cycles
putting in shipping push for Velvet/Cardin
inserted in fanservice sauna scenes
brought back Roman in an asspull fashion and put him with Ozpin, even though there's not a shred of commonality between them
had Ruby blush towards Roman
Blake join what amounts to a police squad against other faunus (like people want to take issue with the show proper for its WF arc, this is an actual OOF on that front)
side-lined the main female characters to boost up male characters
fucking tries to redeem and boost up Cardin aka Mr. White Supremacist Douchebag
Like nah, fuck that shit. I'll keep shitting on that and any other disgusting ass fan-work that does certain things till the cows come home. I won't support a fan artist that makes wlw art, yet doesn't believe in irl same-sex rights; I won't support a racist, homophobic, sexist, and overall disgusting piece of shit like Celtic; or anyone else for the sake of "being a good fan" and "part of the community". Community isn't an accepting all thing and instead good ones root out the bad.
Anyway point is if you do searches on YT, ignore the one with Anime in the channel name.
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Hello there,
Welcome to my blog.
I’m Redley. Relatively new to Tumblr still, but I’ve been finding that I’m comfy here. Though it still feels awkward (thanks, dysphoria), I prefer she/her pronouns. I don’t mind they/them, but… meh. Note that Redley is neither my legal or chosen name; it is solely a handle, and I will only tell you my chosen name if I feel comfortable with you. If I extend that trust, please treat it with respect. If you don’t, I will remember.
Here’s the main stuff I’m comfortable sharing or want you to know about me:
1) I’m transfem, but haven’t had an opportunity to do much actual transitioning yet. Dislike my voice, adore my hair. My luscious, glorious, flowing hair.
1.5) I am likely pansexual, but I haven’t done enough research to know for sure. All I know is, people are… well, people are hot.
2) I live in Florida, but was not raised here. The climate and scenery are nice; the local government sucks ass though. Also, I miss snow.
3) I’m a diagnosed autistic, falling somewhere on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. I’m on prescribed antidepressants, but have not been able to find a psychologist/psychiatrist yet because it’s fucking Florida.
4) There are a lot of things and people I don’t understand, but I’m always open to learning. Trying new food is a special passion of mine, and I’ve met some quite fascinating new people since starting this blog. (*eoughck* @potentially-a-poser *aucghk* @analogue-system *ahem*)
5) I will not tolerate hateful behavior. You will be immediately blocked for shit like denying any of the shades of aro/ace individuals as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you see me spreading misinformation or saying something that excludes members of the community, please tell me. I’ll research the matter, as well as review any sources you send me.
5.5) okay so I think I’m demiromantic
6) I do not mind being tagged or sent asks or otherwise brought into conversations. People who abuse that will likely get blocked, but whatever your social anxiety is telling you probably comes nowhere near ‘abuse’ in my book. Anonymous asks are enabled, but that can likewise change if the feature is abused. Hate asks will be blocked, naturally.
7) I would prefer being asked before you directly message me. If you don’t, there is a possibility you’ll be blocked, but it’s not a guarantee. I don’t want me and my friends’ conversations getting buried by anything.
8) If you consistently and frequently post tiktok/reddit memes with little to no commentary, I may block you simply out of annoyance should you repeatedly show up on my dash. It’s not personal. If something about you makes me suspicious or uncomfortable, but not outright offended, I’ll most likely notify you of my reason before I block you.
9) Age: pick a number between 1 and 100 because it’s none of your fucking business. None of you are entitled to any of my personal information, regardless of the reason. I will share only what I want.
My Behaviors
There are certain things I gravitate towards or away from on this site. Here’s some:
1) I am most likely to follow people who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, are mentally ill, or are dealing with some variety of personality disorder. This is mostly just due to the fact that I find the most common ground with those people. But even those who I have little common ground with, I’ll tend to find very interesting.
2) I don’t mind things like roleplay and hornyposting on my dash, but will almost certainly not interact myself, or make original posts in that category. More extreme examples won’t necessarily get you blocked or unfollowed, but… well, my filtered tags list may grow.
3) I don’t always tag reblogs. This may mean that my followers will see random things that caught my interest. It could be art, shitposting, tender affirmations, politics, or just goofy-ass Tumblr shit. If something I regularly reblog/post about bothers you and isn’t properly tagged, let me know.
4) I am discovering that maybe, I might, perhaps, be a little bit nosy. When I see someone receiving hate or suffering and stressed, I am likely to take it upon myself to do or say something to try to make them feel better. If I bother you with this, I will not be hurt or offended if you block me. In general, I will do my best to be respectful of it when people draw boundaries, so don’t hesitate to draw any you feel necessary.
5) If your intentions are pure, you will likely find that I try to be forgiving and/or understanding of your mistakes, at least in regards to interacting with me. (The /or is a very important distinction.)
6) I will often be attracted to dark, tragic, or dystopic works of art/fiction. I get a form of catharsis from such media, and some of my writing will reflect that.
That’s about it.
That’s all the important stuff I can think of, aside from tags which are at the end. Still, this post may be updated or rewritten in the future. In general, just be kind and open-minded, and we’ll get along fine. Even if you disagree with me, as long as you are civil and rational about things, I’ll likely have no problem interacting with you.
Be safe, and be yourself! <3
🇵🇸🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈
My Tags:
#redley’s playlist - Some of my favorite songs!
#redley’s photos - Photos taken by/of me!
#writing - Writing related things and occasionally stuff I’ve made! (#poetry will also contain some of my work)
#let me just frame this one - My personal favorite posts by others. Put that right up on the wall!
#cw/tw: [content] - I will tag posts that I recognize may be disturbing to others with content warnings and/or trigger warnings. This way, you can filter content that may be harmful to your mental health to view. If a post is missing an important one, let me know.
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mymarifae · 29 days
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sorry about that :((((
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https://www.tumblr.com/shiftythrifting/759635562114236416/big-metal-kiwi-though-i-think-still-smaller-than?source=share
here's a picture of a kiwi i found! also, could you give me a pitch for honkai star rail :0?
ohhh what an excellent fellow... i wish he could be in my house. weighing down my papers and such things
when you say Pitch do you mean like, a recommendation of sorts? okay!!!! so first off it's a gacha game, so it's bad-
😭 GDSJBHNKJFBNKF umm for all my criticisms of the game (which i'd be happy to go into another time, but not now, not while i'm still veryvery very very sad) i just find it... compelling! there are always moments in every update where i'm like "ok so i wouldn't have done it that way" but the overall direction and execution of the story is. it's just fun idk!!!! the penacony arc lost a bit of its momentum towards the end but i genuinely think that portion of the game especially was really well put together and it makes for a fun video game experience. even if you don't end up connecting with the story and characters as strongly as I did, the art, music, environments, boss fights, tension points, etc etc etc add up to a pretty good time. penacony's the shining star so far, but i think this sentiment applies to most parts of the game 🤔 most......
characters though!!!! that's the other thing that really got me stuck in the hsr hole. lots and lots of lovely characters. many of their designs may kill me, but i am soooooo drawn to the personalities and archetypes and development arcs and their interactions with each other and their world and THEMSELVES and and and and and . ough i love Character..
also, the game has a lot of surprisingly insightful commentary and philosophies interwoven in its narrative? not to mention penacony again but actually yes to mention penacony again because this game is still a baby game and we only have so many arcs to talk about and it's the best one thus far , PENACONY had a lot to say. especially about society/capitalism and the significance/INsignificance of life (especially when you consider the inevitability of death). very thoughtful, i found. many pieces of the story made me put everything down and just Think for a while. i always like when stories make me do that :)
ummm one last thing! gameplay. personally i adore the gameplay asdgkjngndjb i live for this kind of turn-based combat where you can think your way through it. sure there's the "meta" that's "better" and "easier" but you can very much just ignore it and develop your own understanding of each character's combat style and do whatever you want. <3 also like. all my character design gripes aside, the animations are a ton of fun imo... so even if the combat can get repetitive at times it's like "look at my guys go :)"
and there's a lot of maps and a lot of space to run around in, but exploration is kind of limited due to the fact that you cannot jump or climb in this game. they make up for this by hiding all sorts of easter eggs and random hidden side quests (?) everywhere and also the game design is just very pretty so i still have a lot of fun just Looking, but if you're expecting something more like genshin you're. not getting that 👍🏾
in conclusion it's not good except for when it decides to be the best thing ever and i'm having the time of my life and now i've gone and gotten myself extremely attached to 60% of the cast so even if i wasn't having the time of my life i'd be stuck here anyway
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inventors-fair · 11 months
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Two-Faced Runners-up of the Halloween 2023 contest! ~
Congrats to @horsecrash, @real-aspen-hours, and @snugz as our runners-up for this week!
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@horsecrash — Morphic Trickster
I'll be honest: there were two faerie-oriented cards in this pool, and I knew that one of them was gonna get up there and one of them was gonna also be praised, and I just think it's funny that we had two faerie transformation cards. Not surprised, but—well, to be honest, a little surprised. Let's take a look at this aspect! It's certainly a little more mean-spirited, but there's nothing wrong with some jerk faeries. The flavor text is spot-on for sure, and wow, Insects? That's a great choice.
The multikicker and the ability that comes from it is a great choice to really sink mana late-game or just make one problem creature a little pest, OR to give yourself some extra aerial advantage later when you gotta swing for it. The multikicker wording seemed odd at first but you used the right wording for that. With the changing part of it, Eccentric Apprentice says you can drop the "gain" off that ability. I think overall this is a fun, versatile card that plays into some mischievous aspects of its color/type that aren't super easy to capture. Unlike Steve, the Recently-TF'd Insect.
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@real-aspen-hours — Amoeboid Gift
There are two main wording tweaks for this card. Firstly, I would make this an "as it enters" rather than "when," although I couldn't tell you precisely why. I suppose just for reaction's sake. Secondly, Arachnoform tells us that Embrace can be worded: "Enchanted creature gets +3/+3, has trample, and is every creature type." And also Reject should have "loses all creature types" after but whatever—those are some weird ones. The concept: solid. The card: really strong in limited and would probably be a bulk rare. The feeling: genuinely horrific.
I know that you wanted this to have the creature lose all abilities, and you know what, that would've made it a much stronger rare, but I want to focus on the strengths of this card. Besides being a slammin' good time for combat tricks and aggro Simic strategies, you nailed the art description and nailed something I wouldn't have thought about this card otherwise. I would've said that this was more of an actual-Simic card without knowing the thoughtless annexation of the amoeboid in question. I can see the gunk-drowned scream frozen on the soldier's face beneath the translucent body that is soon to become their body forever. It's grotesque and, like you said, deeply unsettling. Great show of transformation's complexities on a solid body of a card!
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@snugz — Brazen Banner
Doesn't it feel good to go back to basics? This card's a pain in the butt and thank goodness it's not common. These days, you never know, but still. I think this card shows a little historicity and a return to Magic without being nostalgia-bait or pandering. Flagbearing is a pretty complex pseudo-mechanic as it stands. You gotta start somewhere, though, and the target is right there. The ability to block stuff implying that this thing sits back and takes the hits is kind of sad for it, actually. I feel bad for a creature that doesn't even exist yet.
And I would've liked to see more flavor here, honestly. Not necessarily flavor text, but: where do you imagine this card taking place? What do you see happening to this determined soldier? Are they proud to carry the banner? Does the banner stand unfurling in the wind? To be honest, I thought about the Tarkir banners, and a young warrior with their hands gripped around a pole so ancient that the wood is indented with other finger-marks of generations past. But it could be a makeshift rebel flag just as much, a hooligan's mark running through the city. What's it to you? What's the line between nobility and novelty? I'd like more of that—from every card that ever gets submitted, for sure, but here especially where the resonance feels just on the cusp.
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Commentary's a-comin'! @abelzumi
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madraleen · 7 months
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Bungo Stray Dogs - Season 5 A Laughably Long Commentary but how could i not! how could i possibly not!
-'m very excited to start s5, but also not so excited because it's the last one for now -.-
-i'm sorry, kunikida lost his hands?! i wasn't expecting repercussions. oh wait, we have yosano, nvm
-AHAHAH nikolai wants to kill fyodor?? amazing
-the human exceeding the gifted is ranpo, isn't it. i love you, dazai
-IF THIS IS AN EXCELLENT DETECTIVE WOULD HE PUT HIMSELF IN THE WANTED LIST, RANPO I LOVE YOU
-ranpo looks like a pleased cat
-bb atsushi crying at seeing the agency, my heart
-i want the agency to go feral, to fuck shit up after all they've been put through. fuck up the decay of angels
-oh no, we're getting too campy, too whimsical, too light-hearted, i'm scared for the flip
-no. NO. NO SAY IT ISN'T SO, SAY KAMUI ISN'T FUKUCHI! FUCK YOU BUNGO STRAY DOGS
-ATSUSHI, DON'T STAND AND CHAT, FUCKING RUN!
-AKUTAGAWAAAA, OUR MAN, GO HELP TIGER BOYYY. not port mafia always saving our asses, lol <3
-side note, i think this is a wonderful way to let ranpo make a mistake without compromising at all his detective capabilities. it fits his personality, trusting fukuzawa so blindly and naturally that he wouldn't question fukuzawa's loyalties - after all, throughout all of their time together, look at the people fukuzawa has trusted; they're nothing but stellar. but fukuzawa isn't a do-no-wrong deductive genius, so his lack of knowledge becomes ranpo's oversight, and fukuzawa serves as his blind spot. wonderful framing.
-AKUTAGAWA AND DAZAI PAST BREADCRUMBS! i beg, where's that backstory?
-i really like that atsushi and akutagawa run very differently, lol
-FOR FUCK'S SAKE, AKU-KUN, DAZAI HAS ALREADY APPROVED YOU
-eh? EH?! aku is ill?! how short of a time are we talking about?! and i was thinking of that recently, what happened with that cough that he used to have. wait, can we fix him? yosano?
-let me say that i am not expecting ANYONE to die at any point, not for real, so if aku-kun is dead, i'll have a proper freak-out
-AHAHA BRAM. the "vampires" part of the fukuchi movies was true then! i half didn't believe it
-aku-kun will be a vampire?! what does that mean?! well, i guess there's his lung diseased fixed, yay?
-"i know what you are, senpai." "say it. out loud."
-oh okay. aku-kun is vampire-eating people now. that might as well happen. i'm not scared at all, what do you mean
-this is such a mess, on every level, what are we gonna do, it keeps building up
-i hate it when i rely on mori-san, but damn is he reliable
-YES, TACHIHARA, GO WILD (and be careful)
-you know, as far time-traveling mindfuckery goes, which i'm never fond of, they explain it very clearly
-yes okay ranpo my love, we're saving the agency, but also our bros in port mafia too, right?
-tanizaki has a "O_O" expression in this meeting, and you know what, i feel him
-i believe in jouno, he's a bastard, but i believe in him :"(
-...i mean, good for me for believing in jouno, but things ain't looking good for disintegration boy
-as far as i know, the bsd manga isn't ending any time soon, so it's amazing to me that the enemies are so damn tough and the stakes so widespread
-EVERYONE HAS VISIONS OF DAZAI in their darkest moments, this man haunts them!
-holy shit, something dazai ACTUALLY didn't expect. i'm scared (*getting teleported out of his bubble) 
-i think character designs are subjective, and whatever you vibe with, you vibe, and i personally really really like the bsd art. there's just something compelling about all of the characters
-i hate everything about nikolai's escape plan! i don't like us risking dazai's life and i'm sure fyodor won't die! well, dazai won't either, but I DON'T LIKE THIS. i am sigma and sigma is me in this situation
-why are bram and aya so sweet omg 
-sigma is a newborn in a word of demons (yes, i am including dazai in the demons, how could you not)
-imagine being sigma and being pointed at by dazai. you lose your shit, on the spot.
-yes, dazai, protect sigma please?
-NO! NO! CHUUYA IS A VAMPIRE?! NO!!! why?! NO! DAMN YOU! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ASKJSFKS
-there's me watching bsd like a normal person, and then there's me rewatching dazai's scenes a couple times just to REALLY see them, you know.
-i really like the use of dimensions, even if it's frustrating when antagonists use them.
-kenji-kun <3
-tetchou and jouno though
-dazai at sigma: "you're pretty sharp for a three-year-old" LMFAO DAZAI NO
-oooh, he's THE ATSUSHI-TYPE, that's why i like sigma! that makes sense
-aha. i mean. dazai is communicating with ango by manipulating his heart rate through a sensor. and ango communicates with dazai via the frequency and duration of miss stopping time. and dazai/ango/miss stopped time presumably after the nikolai incident, so that dazai could pop out to incapacitate the guards and change the passcodes. okay. does poor ango ever sleep? i mean, it makes sense! it does! but you also gotta roll with it a little.
-a demon. a menace. that's dazai.
-AKUTAGAWA APPEARING AMONG THE AGENCY MEMBERS IN ATSUSHI'S VISION, ARGH <3
-you know what's stupid, dazai has a way of making everyone 80% more interesting than they'd be otherwise
-yes, fyodor, i'm also interested in dazai's "shallowness of bond with the gravity manipulator," i think there's more to that part.
-i love seeing dazai not have an answer or not having calculated something, even if it's for a second (and it’s usually just for a second).
-i hate fyodor so much but i love that. he's an excellent villain and foil to dazai. i don't want him gone but also i REALLY WANT HIM GONE, but also really not.
-i thought dazai would fucking kiss sigma to give him air wth
-we're taking sigma to the agency after this, right? if he wants.
-oh wait, dazai has bandages over his ankles too?
-ahahaha, atsushi going "akutagawa, it's me, don't you recognize me," as though aku-kun hasn't tried to kill him fifty times. oh atsu-kun <3
-i'm sorry what, dazai's leg's broken? and he's bleeding? no no no that's not the deal, DAZAI DOESN'T GET HURT, REMEMBER, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS, REMEMBER
-"dazai wins control over me" sigma, once again we're the one and the same
-i'm sorry, fyodor just stabbed sigma and i'm like, i love fyodor. i hate fyodor, but i love him, he's so VILLAIN, he's so good as a villain
-WDYM "our fate isn't to be done here" DAZAI, YOU LITERALLY LET CHUUYA DROWN!
-OKAY, story time. when ep 10 aired, my twitter feed was swarming with distraught bsd fans, which was odd, because i wasn't following or liking anything related to bsd. at the time, i was very emotionally fragile fandom-wise, and i knew i'd eventually watch bsd, and the collective meltdown of the fandom scared me so much that i was like "NO! NO I CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN, I NEED TO BE PREPARED! I NEED TO KNOW IF DAZAI DIES!" note, i had no idea who dazai was, i just liked his face. so i clicked on a few posts. my takeaways then: 1) at the time i thought chuuya and dazai WERE the agency and was like, "wait, chuuya is a bad guy?" 2) i saw atsushi and kunikida and  i was like "wait, there's protags in this show other than dazai and chuuya?!" 3) people having a major meltdown 4) people saying "there's no way they're dead" and 5) and i remember this comment very clearly, it said "aren't they immortal at this point?" and clueless me thought, "they're actually immortal? what are the stakes then?" to be clear, i went into the anime thinking they're immortal or would become immortal at some point. so. yes. i knew about this and i also knew they survive. but nothing more, no context. just the collective relief that followed. only, i actually remember seeing pics of atsushi and kukinida dead, which... it never happened, why do i have this memory? i probably mixed it all together at some point.
-FUKUZAWA, WHAT A CHAMP
-dazai-kun: has a stupidly convoluted plan to communicate with the outside. fyodor: i have accomplishes :3 eeeh, i don’t know. i don’t trust that he JUST had accomplices. It’s too easy compared to foil dazai, and also does it even make sense, and also would he even trust nikolai with such vital information
-LMFAO DAZAI WITH A LEG CAST and with clean face and bandages and clothes. WHEN. HOW. okay, hubbie, sure. this season is so deranged and preposterous and over the top, i love it
-bram would treat aya better than her own father, lbr
-CHUUYA ISN'T A VAMPIRE AND HE WAS WORKING WITH DAZAI ALL ALONG, HELP, HELP ME I LOVE THEM, HELP! THOSE IDIOTS! HELP!
-is someone actually dead? fyodor? and we'll never learn his ability?? idk idk, a hand doesn't make a corpse, and we did leave him with nikolai... iii don't buy it...
-DUDE the ending! the fukuzawa-fukuchi stuff, so sad, it got me, and then two hours later un-vamped aku-kun and atsushi fighting a new enemy?? who the fuck is that, what happened WITHIN TWO HOURS?! damn! i guess i'm migrating to the manga! good ending though, both a conclusion and a beginning.
-i'm so excited for all the material i've yet to discover though, like reading the manga and the spin-offs and so on, and eventually rewatching the show without the ASFKNKSLSG stress of the first watch. i'm excited.
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doom-nerdo-666 · 1 year
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When thinking of writing a post about why people tend to dislike Midnight, i had a bit of a thought: Just like SgtMarkIV/Brutal Doom, the hate can come from people that are usually uninformed.
A way to see Midnight is that he's more of a "side effect" and represents things that aren't unique to him (Specially if you look at other Doom related channels and see similarities).
I've seen him compared to MrBossFTW as if Midnight is the Doom equivalent to that.
He seems like a clickbait channel trying to exploit people that know less about Doom than he already does.
A recent example being him doing a video about Lilith PK3 and how his observation (If it's legit) can be comparable to that of how game journos (The group that Doom fans supposedly hate) talk about Doom mods.
(Because i don't think he even knows about the weird drama about that mod at all)
It's why DoomKid making a video correcting Midnight was a bit of a shocker: Both could be seen as representing opposite sides related to "Doom fandom".
But in general, a way to better understand this is by looking at 3 big points:
The Doom community and its history
I already made certain points in different posts, like differences between older and newer fans or aspects of certain activities etc.
You can read some of it here:
Random observations about the Doom community.
A specific Brutal Doom post.
Things that may've not exist if not for the fans.
Nerd/geek/fandom/whatever-you-call-it culture
I'm sure people are aware of nerd stereotypes in pop culture: The smart but socially awkward skinny guy with glasses with weird speech patterns and interests in pop culture, that gets bullied.
While they are exaggerated, they do have some truth in them (To the point some even say this outcast nerd aspect is what inspired Peter Parker, Spiderman).
So the "Funko Pop crowd" image seems different from nerds that get picky over how their favorite media is handled.
Might come from a place of what if means to love something so much: 100% blind love that you like anything associated with it or wanting "the best" for it that you tend to have standards like a parent wishing their kids get a better future and don't throw it all away.
Of course, some nerds will still have silly complaints over stuff but it also seems like some people find it easier to be nerdy in the "blind loyalty" way than making interesting stuff out of their passion.
Some also argue whether or not "nerd culture" is that obscure because something like Star Wars was always massive.
But it's still interesting to learn how subcultures change because it's not just a matter of newcomers but even the old guard can change too.
Internet content
When people discuss why "content creator" is a bad term, they usually include the angle from the corporations: How they treat artists and their art.
Be it corporations labelling different art forms as "content" or treating it badly even if the art itself is good and gave them some revenue.
But there's at least 2 angles we shouldn't forget:
The "creators" themselves because for all the talented people that deserve better, there's always those with crappy stuff or zero talent that somehow get to win at times.
And the audiences because some people tend to have really bad taste and in massive scales.
Youtube is a good example when you look at its popular videos and "personalities": A bunch of people with no actual talent or charisma "gamefying"/taking advantage of a system and the clueless audiences that watch them because they don't know better.
It reminds me of why a medium like animation got less popular:
First, there's specific rules from Youtube such as the 10 minute mark and how it relates to income, which was something animators barely could handle.
Then there's the fact that people like to play videos while they do something else as if they're background noise (This doesn't apply to just podcasts or commentaries).
It's probably not a surprise that some people who worked on more creative mediums end up doing podcasts or LP channels.
And then you have smaller channels doing the "don't forget to like, subscribe and hit the bell" etc part because YT essentially became a race of success and less about passion or effort into quality content.
Some say YT became more about personalities than content but even then, you can tell that James Rolfe still has a more interesting personality than Logan Paul.
One can argue that some people do rely on YT for the sake of money so "clickbait is needed" but i also assume that anyone who's super into Doom could just discover content on their own.
Another thing about modern internet is chasing trends or when everyone has to talk about what's currently popular, leaving little room for novel topics or creativity.
Anyway
Each of these 3 sections could've been better but i brought up some points that serve as food for thought, so any more interesting observations/opinions/even trivia could be reached from reading this, hopefully.
I doubt Midnight would ever find this blog and read this post... but at least he'd have more interesting material to use for his videos i guess.
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innsjovide · 1 year
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some misc thoughts about modern horror (especially indie horror video games & internet horror [such as args and whatnot])
tw for discussion of horror topics obv and also my very biased opinions
[please note that my interests are usually peripheral to this stuff and I don't actually consume almost any of it, but I still have opinions on it bc I am an opinionated bitch]
rant under cut
it seems to me that a lot of modern popular horror media follows the same general trends and themes & that this has been happening for the past decade or so
those themes in question being 'sick and twisted horror under the guise of innocence'
this has always been an element of horror obv its not like fnaf invented the idea of making a children's thing creepy but its definitely had a rise in popularity in the past few years
in part bc of fnaf
and now you see it everywhere, its the most prevailing theme in modern horror media.
its in horrible steam games called 'bimbaps playtime' its in every new arg that comes out its in fucking yandere simulator its in everything you see and because its in everything you see there's nothing else interesting
and yes there are interesting things to do with this concept but when its all that's being done then the amount of things you can do with horror based on children's media
like I genuinely thing having horror based on children's media and this pretense of innocence limits the depth of theme you can actually go into bc ur limited by the aesthetics of 'childrens media but with blood'
bc even when you're twisting it into something dark and evil and horrific its still in some capacity got the trappings of children's media. it's limited by the fact its pretending to be something else and that's ugly
and its not like this sort of theme cant work well I mean. religious horror (which I am a huge fan of always) typically does the same thing but with jesus instead of chuckie cheese but idk it works better IMO there's more u can do
its like. we get it. the children's thing is secretly fucked up bc of whatever reason its seems like theres nothing there its just lame
also body horror gets extremely more lame when its a plush/puppet/toy/whatever instead of an actual human being with actual guts. miss me with all that symbolism shit it just doesn't pack the same punch
the inside of a build-a-bear will never illicit the same visceral reaction as actual legit intestines
[little side note obv horror doesnt need to be gory to be effective but theres something to be said about how the lack of actual violence against humans tones down the horror]
[little side note 2 I am mostly referencing the welcome home arg with this point and also fnaf and those are 2 separate things bc I'm pretty sure that imitation gore is not what the wh creator is trying to do with their story (their project actually seems pretty well written for this genre) and ik fnaf has actual gore but its lame and all kinda the same concept IMO (machine stabs u or whatever) also I hate fnaf and all the terrible things its done to this genre]
these projects seem to be lacking some of the things that make horror such an evocative genre. things such as themes. and social commentary. and things that are actually scary instead of just jumpscares
it all just seems so vacant and stupid and I also hate the culture around having to dig around for the actual secrets of a story. arg culture has done a lot for internet culture and unfortunately that is one of the annoying things. the actual plot of ur thing should not be hidden in ASCII art in the code of ur development blog
idk man I guess I just cant take ur horror concept seriously when the thing I'm supposed to be afraid of looks like a funko pop
the genre just seems so confining rn and I know that's bc this sort of stuff is extremely popular bc it appeals to people who want lighthearted stuff in addition to horror content but its just so fucking. lame.
horror for children is lame and bad. its too violent for children and too simple for adults (at least adults who enjoy actually thought out stories) and all the horror that's really popular rn is. pretty much just horror for children
TLDR
cj innsjovide is pissed off bc modern horror/horror for children lacks themes and stories bc its. for children. also fnaf still sucks
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chameleonspell · 6 days
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HTDC commentary - 17: VCDRKAA & 18: language & 19: knowledge & 20: again
[Looking back at HTDC after nearly ten years: comments on lore, character notes, influences, art, whatever. May contain spoilers for later chapters.]
chapter text: 17: VCDRKAA & 18: language & 19: knowledge & 20: again
I hope no one was expecting a line-by line complex exegesis of chapter 17, because I generated a wall of TEXTSLOP. It was never intended to mean anything specific, although I did edit it selectively, for poetry and interest. I didn't really expect anyone to read it, I just wanted them to open the chapter and go "what the fuck is this shit??"
I think I used this page to generate it, which must be twenty years old, at the absolute minimum, and the code is from the 1990s. It's beyond irritating that Markov chain text generators, along with other venerable methods of cut-up and creative mixology, are probably now tarred with the same brush as bullshit like chatGPT. Anyway, you could call it a Small Language Model, in that it only uses the text you put into it, doesn't steal it to do plagiarism, and doesn't require the energy and water usage of a small country to run.
I... had totally forgotten which texts I put into it, and had to spend way too long cross-checking fragments. All I remembered was that the nonsense-title of the chapter was taken from the title-letters of the input books, and it was supposed to be things Iriel had recently encountered, to represent a chaotic vomiting of his subconscious.
I think it's this:
V = 36 Lessons of Vivec
C = Chimarvamidium
D = The Book of Dawn and Dusk
R = A Less Rude Song
K = The Ruins of Kemel-Ze
A = Song of the Alchemists
A = Words of Clan Mother Ahnissi
...but I'm pretty sure there's also Special Flora of Tamriel there, in an uncredited role. I don't think that, or Song of the Alchemists is mentioned as something Iriel reads in-fic, but since Ire's an alchemist, I shovelled them into the word-hopper, too. I suspect I never noticed at the time that Song of the Alchemists is not an alchemical textbook, but silly Marobar Sul doggerel, and not exactly something Iriel would read.
Anyway, please do go ahead and cancel me for "writing fic with AI".
Playlist pick: Of Montreal - Heimdalsgate Like A Promethean Curse. For when you really, really need the drugs to work. Or something to work. Anything. It's all just chemicals, right? C'MON, CHEMICALS!
Once we're done with the psychedelic breakdown, we have a temptation scene, specifically, Iriel wakes up in a wizard's bed, and barely resists intellectual seduction by House Telvanni.
The mage laid the book across the bed and opened it, revealing page after page of writing in Dwemer script.
Neither of them can read it yet, but the book is Divine Metaphysics, one of the three books you need to solve Trebonius' Dwemer mystery quest.
He sighed, and turned another page, revealing a complicated diagram of… Iriel wasn’t sure, but he was interested enough to sit up fully, and examine it. “Chimarvamidium,” he said, eventually.
Iriel is reacting to the diagram in the book of an anthropoid Dwemer construct, a theme that also occurs in Chimarvamidium. The picture under his nose is almost certainly Numidium, something he should be at least theoretically aware of. Tiber Septim used it to conquer Summerset in the Second Era, within living memory of older Altmer, and if Ire wasn't concentrating in history class, he was fourteen years old at the time of The Warp in The West. Admittedly, the giant robot was stomping about in Daggerfall, by then (so no trying to claim it had any weird effects on Ire's developing psyche!), and perhaps even a Dragon Break was barely a blip on his radar, compared to the horrors of being a teenager in Lillandril. Either way, Ire misses the obvious fact about the picture, and makes a more remote connection, something Baladas takes as evidence of a subtler, more esoteric intellectual approach, when it's actually far more to do with:
“I’m sorry. I think I’m still sssomewhat under the effects of an Imperial fuckton of skooma.
Iriel was previously only ever doing moon sugar. Skooma is much, much stronger, more addictive, and, for a magic-sensitive Altmer, extremely psychoactive and hallucination-inducing. He also drank two bottles, straight. Skooma is a liquid, and can be drunk, but is more commonly smoked (inhaled as a vapour?) through a pipe. I am assuming that smoking is the preferred method because the effects are slow and gentle, whereas drinking it is extremely neither of those things.
Yes, fine, the line about skooma being like "eight hundred orgasms tied to a brick" is an echo of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy description of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster cocktail as being "like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick". NO that is NOT a pop culture reference, that's just me stealing shit, which is totally different okay?
“Was that a Daedroth back there?”
Baladas keep a pet Daedroth. Wait... is it a pet? Are they sentient? Some of them are named, and have relationships to other characters that could imply they were intelligent. But... hmm. Dangerous tangent. Let's assume it's just a pet, yeah?
“It’s adorable! What’s its name?” Ire poked it, giggling in delight as it contracted its metal limbs back into its shell.
Again. Please let the record show that the first time Iriel interacted closely with a non-hostile Dwemer automaton, he was overcome with nothing more lascivious or sinister than childlike glee and wonder. You filthy animals.
Poor little centurion, does your daddy not even care enough to–”
He did indirectly call a Telvanni wizard "daddy", though. I can't really defend him from that one, since I'm pretty sure he knew exactly what he was doing*. And so did Baladas, because he shut that bullshit down FAST.
(* exactly what he was doing = being very silly and no-filter. Iriel is not actually looking to get "mentored" by a much older wizard, even if he could find one more interested in doing it.)
“The miners report that a screaming, semi-transparent Altmer, covered in weeds and soaking wet, broke into the eggmine from the lower levels.
This whole bit is confusing, and I don't like it. It's not funny, and it really doesn't matter about the stupid route Iriel took to end up with the book on Baladas' doorstep. But yes, you can get into the Gnisis eggmine via the riverbed outside town, and from there, into the Dwemer ruin and back. If he knew, Iriel would feel smug about the fact Edwinna would have tried to make him go there, on purpose, later, if she hadn't expelled him by then.
“Auri-El, what did you do to them?” Ire had heard about Telvanni methods.
While he hasn't encountered many Telvanni in Morrowind, he would have read things like this, in which Telvanni mages are notorious for being fans of inventive magical torture.
Iriel knew the score. Baladas Demnevanni was a serious Dwemer scholar, [...] He could make far better use of it than Ire ever would. And yet, something in Iriel resisted.
Iriel does know the score, and part of the score that he knows is: while Baladas is much older and more powerful, he's not technically Iriel's senior. Because Ire's not in House Telvanni, or any other structure that makes him Demnevanni's subordinate. Which Ire leaves free to resist. Sure, Baladas could take the book by magical force, but Iriel has enough pride to want to force him to do that, to not capitulate based purely on academic bluster. (Yes, of course Iriel can have a powerful and resilient scholarly ego, while simultaneously having zero self esteem. You've met academics, right?)
“It’s mine,” he said. “I found it. And I never asked you to take care of me.”
Saying this feels good. It's true: he didn't ask to be taken care of. And Baladas' reasons for doing so are cleanly self-interested, and make perfect sense to Ire. There's no messy pity involved, no need to spare the feelings of someone who thought they were being a good person, when you're too bitter and damaged to be grateful. This whole conversation is, in many ways, Iriel's ideal type of social interaction.
I will give you information about the location of Dwemer ruins on Vvardenfell, and in return, you will bring me any more books that you find there.”
The location of known Dwemer ruins on Vvardenfell is not, at this point in time, especially secret information, so Baladas is rather getting the better end of this deal. But if he wasn't, he wouldn't be making it, would he?
The only people qualified are my fellow mages, but Telvanni do not co-operate. Anything they found, they would keep for themselves.
His reasoning checks out, though, so Iriel is inclined to trust him. I really did think Ire would take him the other books at some point, and Ire himself intended to at various points, but... in the end, things got complicated. Iriel comes back to Gnisis, but not to Arvs Drelen, and he keeps all his findings to himself.
“Sweet Mara, no. I just want to be left alone to read.”
“You have just spoken the unofficial motto of House Telvanni.
The problem, I suppose, is that Ire is entirely too Telvanni at heart. It was always touch-and-go, as to whether he'd find an excuse to join the House. After all, he's perfect for it... but that's exactly why he resisted.
Iriel knows he's an obsessive, isolationist weirdo, who's probably going to end up alone in a tower, reading esoterically taboo books all day. Surrounded by robots and summoned Daedra, because that's the only level of social contact he's capable of tolerating. He knows all that, he knows exactly the sort of person he is. He just doesn't like that person. And when Telvanni start tempting him to fully embrace weird hermit mage life, he's forcefully reminded of what Telvanni are known for, and how isolating yourself with only Daedra for company makes you lose all contact with pedestrian concepts like "morality", and "not torturing people to death with lightning spells".
Clearly, Ire's being ridiculous to think his own morality is so fragile, but after the day he's had, he's feeling fragile in all sorts of ways, and unwilling to trust his own limits.
each mage seeks only solitude and freedom to continue his or her work.” [...] “Knowledge may be power,” he was declaiming, “but for some of us, it is enough that knowledge is knowledge.
And Ire's right to question the actual content of Baladas' rhetorical  flourishes: freedom to do what? Power to do what? Knowledge of what? Doesn't it matter? The Telvanni answer certainly seems to be "no". But Ire's experiences with education have left him questioning the value of the "knowledge" he obtained. Certainly, if he was supposed to convert it into power, he appears to have missed a crucial step in the process. He's not sure he wants Telvanni instruction, for taking that step.
He stood up, and began to concentrate a sphere of magicka between his hands. “Where should I send you?”
I have a question about teleportation. What are the rules? Guild guides only transport people to other guild halls, but is that restriction due to rules, or ability? UESP says that guides "maintain magical contact with their counterparts in other branches", but I can't find an ingame source for this. If true, that would explain the restriction, but I'm not sure I buy it. It's possible for a guild guide to send you into a guildhall where the "receiving" guild guide is no longer there, for example during this quest. And the mage who sends you to Mournhold in the Tribunal expansion isn't a guild guide, but sends you as a favour, since she's a "powerful mage".
So: my theory is that it's totally possible for a skilled mage to teleport people to other locations without another linked mage "catching" them, but the right location helps. Receiving chambers are magically set up in guildhalls to act as teleportation beacons, and that's the focus, rather than the other guide. This fits with how Divine and Almsivi Intervention work, not to mention Mark and Recall. Guild guides are trained to be specially attuned to these beacons, but any sufficiently powerful Mysticism expert can sling people into them, as Baladas does, here. Really powerful ones might not even need beacons, though I imagine there are exponential risks to the subject, as the location gets more distant and/or unfamiliar.
So, because it's theoretically possible, if difficult, I also think there are strict rules about where guild guides can send people, just like you can't ask the bus driver to take you anywhere you want, even if he technically could. Because teleportation would have to be a highly regulated skill! You can't just send people anywhere, that could cause all sorts of trouble.
As an aside, every guild guide in Morrowind is a beautiful woman. There's something a bit retro air stewardess about that, isn't there? Male game devs thinking women should be in travel service roles, or something? Hmm.
“Um… Ald'ruhn, please. The Mages’ Guild, for preference, but as long as you don’t teleport me inside a wall, I’ll be happy.”
Iriel's not keen to launch into his Queer Coded Villain arc, yet. So despite Baladas' blandishments, it's back to the loving arms of the Mages' Guild, for now.
“I want you to know,” Edwinna was saying, “that this is not about the Dwemer tube.
...Ah. Never mind.
“Whilst you were gone, some disturbing information came to light. When I agreed to mentor you, I was unaware of the crimes for which you were convicted in Cyrodiil. I’m sure you understand why the theft of magical artifacts is not something I can simply ignore.”
I realised something really funny just now, which is that if Edwinna has been digging into Iriel's background check, presumably through a contact at the Arcane University, then she must know Iriel is also supposed to have straight-up murdered one of his professors. But that's not what's bothering her at all!
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“In addition, there is the matter of your drug abuse.
I can only assume that when Iriel took a little too long returning with the Dwemer tube, she couldn't resist the temptation to go through his bedroom. In her ensuing freak-out at finding DRUGS, it emerged that no one had ever actually looked into the squirrelly-looking Altmer's claim on application that he'd studied at the Arcane University.
Ire stopped recasting the Paralyze spell on himself
I was determined to try and find creative ways to use Illusion spells, and to some extent, that was the motive for this whole scene.
He had fully expected to burst into tears as soon as he was alone, possibly sooner, but instead, he found himself gripped by a cold fury.
So, I had planned to get Iriel expelled for a while, and originally I, like Iriel himself,  assumed that he would be devastated, because the number of times he's got himself kicked out of magical institutions is ridiculous at this point. But coming right off the conversation with Baladas, that wasn't where his head was at, at all. He was furious, and when a character gives you the gift of an unexpected emotional reaction, you always gotta lean into it, because it's one of my favourite things about writing. Iriel's vitriolic contempt for the Mages' Guild (and Edwinna Elbert in particular) gave him the motivation to do all sorts of fun things later, and really channel that "I'll show those fools at the institute!" energy. Even if he never did join House Telvanni.
At the last minute, he stopped, turned back, and retrieved Vivec’s Sermon 14 from under the bed.
On the one hand, yes, I am making fun of Iriel for considering porn* an essential, but also... not entirely? At the risk of getting too brutally real about mental illness, masturbation can be a key hammer in the mental toolbox, albeit one that tends not to get included on cute little listicles of harm-reduction coping techniques like taking bubble baths or snapping an elastic on your wrist. For people who spend their lives trying to manipulate their brains into staying above the line marked "basic functionality", orgasm can occasionally seem like the brief boost of feel-good chemicals that might kick it over that line. It is, at any rate, cheaper and safer than many alternatives, and while it's not nearly as effective as skooma, at least you don't have to fight smugglers in a cave for it. Or worse, interact with Tsiya.
*Iriel's current opinion of said text. We can make fun of him for this one.
“I’m sorry, Iriel.” Erranil shook her head, primly. “I’m no longer authorised to transport you.
It is the stupidest fucking thing that you don't have to be a member of the Mages Guild to use guild guide transportation, but if you've been expelled from the guild, they put you on a permanent no-fly list! This was often extremely annoying, ingame.
That said, it was funny to be playing the opposite of a "proper" Morrowind character, who ends up head of all the factions, including being Pope of two different religions at once. Iriel, by contrast, got expelled while still Apprentice rank in the Mages, never got past the early ranks in Thieves, and while he got one or two Imperial Cult ranks, he stopped once it wasn't going to get him laid any more.
But yes, I did get Iriel ingame-mechanically-expelled from the Mages' Guild on purpose (possibly by stealing a spoon?). For immersion. Method gamer, y'know.
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next: 21: refinement & 22: fragile previous: 13: legs & 14: plan & 15: claws & 16: door
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jeff-from-marketing · 2 years
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Oh hey this blog exists!
So Paizo just introduced a new ruling for Pathfinder 2e that allows players to effectively completely decouple stat bonuses from ancestries, letting players do whatever. Personally I think this is a great change for a variety of reasons, but this has brought up an argument that doesn’t sit right with me. Never has.
In short, it’s the argument of “stop bringing real world politics into my games!”
I understand where this is coming from, the world is a scary place sometimes and it’s nice to have a space to escape it all entirely. Though unfortunately this argument is often used by those who simply aren’t the greatest kind of people, and often have some level of bigotry or general bias against certain groups of people. But I’m not here to talk about that, not now at least.
No, what I want to talk about is the idea that media just simply should not have any form of politics in it what-so-ever. Now ignoring the fact that this stifles out so much potential for storytelling for a moment, you cannot have media without politics. Well, you can, but you’re probably playing Solitaire. And I’m sure there’s some cultural context there that I’m unaware of that someone could bring up and prove me wrong on that front. 
See, the thing is: art and media are made by people. People have political views on things. People will often put those views into their work, most often subconsciously without fully realising, but also sometimes very much intentionally. People tend to create (and go to) media that aligns with their own ideologies. You’re not going to find someone that’s gay producing media that puts something like conversion therapy in a positive light for example. The thing is, media never became political, nor did it ever stop being political. People just don’t want politics that don’t align with their own politics being involved.
To rattle off a few examples (and probably preach to the choir a little)
Lancer, an RPG that heavily condemns capitalism, the concept of “infinite growth,” war, etc. But also heavily promotes full autonomy of your body, being allowed to do whatever you’d like with it. Including becoming a catgirl. This is canon.
Cyberpunk, both the genre and the Mike Pondsmith setting. I shouldn’t even have to elaborate on this, but it’s absolutely an indictment on capitalism and rampant consumerism, as well as being a warning as to what happens when corporations and the rich get too much power. Not to mention topics of transhumanism and the sense of self.
Star Trek, again I should not have to elaborate on this one. From the very beginning it’s been absolutely filled to the brim with politics covering so many different topics.
His Dark Materials, absolutely contains commentary against organised religion.
Metal Gear Solid and Metal Gear Rising, hell the former is all about espionage for fuck’s sake, and the latter has the main antagonist being a US senator who wants to Make America Great Again through war profiteering, and is again absolutely a statement on the military industrial complex.
Dungeons & Dragons, has one hell of a loaded political history if you look into it (satanic panic, anyone?) to say nothing of more recent controversies.
Fallout, do people really think the saying “War. War never changes.” is just there to sound cool? Seriously, not even going to question the world coming to an end through nuclear war? No?
Baldur’s Gate 3, has a whole thing involving an encampment of druids and tiefling refugees seeking asylum. 
Divinity: Original Sin 2, once again going against organised religion.
The Witcher, I should really only need to bring up the elves to make my point here, but there’s a lot more than just that.
I’m going to stop there for the safety of my own sanity, but hopefully you get the idea. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but even just this small list spans roughly 60 years, I probably could go a lot further back if I took the effort to do so. Media didn’t suddenly start becoming political, and media won’t stop being political. Because all media is political. To truly think that should not be the case, is to say we should not have art.
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