#makes one wonder if maybe it isnt practical =3=

[autism-corner]

levi in my autism-fit =w=bb

[jeonitopia]

BABY TIME

🪐 bts x f! pregnant! reader (separate)

🪐 headcanons // fluff+angst

☆ warnings: none except maybe no beta read !

a/n: potential part 2 for when the baby is born? depends on if people like this.. also just short hcs bcuz well.. i overdid myself and did all 7 in one post... sigh (i made tis longer than it was supposed to be wtf)

☆KIM SEOKJIN

"Aishh! you already had chocolate earlier!"

constantly watching your diet, making sure all your vitamin and certain intakes are proper

"Jin I'm craving ramyeon with milk mixed in.." "WHAT"

catching him ask his mom what she needed and what she wouldve done if she got pregnant again (he has no shame)

he's an absolute prince in your child's eyes

when he has to leave, he calls you at least every 2 hours and if he can't, he messages you!! (asking for pics of you and the baby)

in love with role-playing with the child, wether it be king and princess, or knights and bandits (you're the damsel in distress)

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆MIN YOONGI

honestly, he was terrified of being a father because of his experience with his own father

once he realized the whole weight of the situation, he understood that he WILL be a good (and supportive) father because you are with him

learning that your child also has a thing for music

absolutely bringing your baby to the studio and letting him have his own crib next to his producing set-up

has noise cancelling headphones for the baby if he has to record something or when he's going to fully focus on producing

(of course has the volume on his headphones a medium volume so he can hear if the baby wakes up)

made a joke about how in daechwita, you'd be his empress and the baby is the heir

cue him posting a photo of the three of you in traditional hanbok (yoongi in daechwita outfit, without the long hair because baby will be upset)

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆JUNG HOSEOK

always taking photos of your progress

"look here!"

he always tries to keep you active

massages all day everydayyy

you got him to chill with the dance practices so that he both doesnt overwork himself AND you get to spend more time with him

absolutely doing the silliest things to entertain the baby

it's obvious who the favorite is 😐

showing dance moves to the baby and doing silly faces

has a picture of the three of you in hope world, he loves staring at it and just being grateful for his family

he's j-hope, you're bae-hope, baby is mini/baby-hope

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆KIM NAMJOON

songs containing references and metaphors that relate to you and the baby (not that he DIDNT do this before)

maybe even a whole mini-album dedicated to your journey into parenthood, each song created throughout your progress till your due date

he did his thorough research on pregnancy and things related to it and constantly gives you advice

when the baby is old enough for long distance rides, family trips are a common thing

loves cradling the baby and blabbering about an art piece they're standing in front of

you're so in love? help???

he has 3 lil plants, the 3rd plant being a new sprout that he likes to say is the baby (it sprouted the day the baby was born?? omg???)

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆PARK JIMIN

you became an absolute princess the moment he found out you were pregnant

wonders if the baby would grow up to have the same fingers as his papa mochi

already planning to convince the baby to try a martial art or a type of dancing so he and his papa can have multiple ways of bonding

dropping hints about the baby mochi on some of his lives

one time he asked if he can try your breastmilk

😐😑😐

teasing him about how when the baby holds his fingers, they look the same

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆KIM TAEHYUNG

honestly you'd have around 2-3 kids

but this is your first one, taehyung is honestly nervous

absolutely SURE he wants to be a father but more worried on if he'd be a good one

at this point, he'd also be another baby

"Ack, my feet hurt quite a bit.." "AREYOUALRIGHT?DOYOUNEEDTOGOTOTHEHOSPITAL??ILLCALLDOCTORPARK"

you personally think he might be the one more stressed even when he isnt the one carrying the baby

2nd questioner of wifey's breast milk taste

yeontan and the baby being bestfriends

yeontan has super instincts and starts going wild when he feels the baby is about to start crying

☆ | 🪐 | ☆

☆JEON JUNGKOOK

he watched the movie Up with taehyung and they googled why the old couple had a miscarriage, he learned it was from lead exposure

so now he keeps you away from drying walls and dusty areas and even has a small baggy filled with masks and cleansing tissue

he calls it "baby protection protocal"

surprisingly very calm and responsible! (hes trying to win your trust so that he can spoil your child rotten)

absolutely DROPS the fact that he is having a child and dragged you into the view of the live

3rd questioner of wifey's breast milk taste

baby plays with daddy's lip ring because he finds it really cool

baby also thinks daddy's sleeve tattoo is cool and always wants to slobber his saliva on it

baby wants to ride on bam's back??? 😭😭😭😭

[wonbin-truther]

˚⊹ ᰔೀ dream boyfriend: incoming ˚⊹ ᰔೀ ╰┈➤ kissing the homies

"hey. thank you for coming," you slid into the passengers seat of marks beat up 2005 toyota carolla. "its what a good fake boyfriend would do," mark gave you a smile as he pulled out of his parking spot in front of your dorm building. you were quick to pull out your phone to send a quick text to your group of friends along with somi's address to mark for the gps.

"do you want aux? its that white wire," mark asked, eyes focused on the road. "yea sure." you connected your phone and pulled out your spotify. self control by frank ocean echoed through the speakers of the car. as soon as the first note hit, mark reached over to turn up the volume of the radio, "dude i love this song. frank ocean has been my favorite singer since forever." you let out a laugh, "he's definitely one of my top 3 artists." "tell me the other two."

you thought for a minute, "cigarettes after sex is number one. and for number three i think the cranberries." mark gasped, "no way i love cigarettes after sex. i think fate brought us together for real."

mark glanced at the gps as he drove up the block your cousins lived on, "these houses are huge." "both of her parents are attorneys. they make crazy money. they kinda hate us because my dads a fisherman," you explained to mark. you had tried to fill him in with as much family lore as you could after the wedding but had left out some small things you had forgotten to mention. "no wonder shes so stuck up. is this it?"

"unfortunately," you sighed. you shot a text to your dad that you were here as mark parked the car. "my dad isnt gonna be here supposedly so its just us." mark turned off the car and turned to face you, "an hour and we leave? i can make hyuck fake an emergency." you stared at him with a small smile on your face, "maybe half an hour."

mark grabbed the keys and stepped out of the car, running around to open your door before you had the chance to. "why thank you kind sir," you joked as you took his extended hand in yours. he closed the door behind you, keeping your hand in his, "anything m'lady." he gave you a wink as you two walked up the stairs.

before you could even ring the bell, the door was thrown open by the younger of the three sisters. "you didnt say you were bringing mark," somi practically yelled at you. you gave her a confused look, "why wouldnt i bring him? he's my boyfriend." you had to hold back a shit eating grin as somi gave you a nasty look at the word 'boyfriend'. she turned on her heel, walking into the house and yelling to her parents that you were here with your boyfriend. "the fun starts," mark nudged your shoulder, noticing the down look on your face as soon as you went to open the door. you squeezed the hand that was in his as you both walked in.

"and who is this fine man?" your aunt walked up to both of you, taking mark in for a hug and only sparing you a glance. "my boyfri-," you couldnt finish your sentence due to your aunts loud and dramatic gasp. "my god. boyfriend? yours?" she looked between the two of you before her attention turned fully to mark again. "her? honey you could do so much better. i dont know if this is charity work or something but ..." she trailed off mid sentence. you shifted uncomfortably but mark pulled you closer to his side, arm practically around your waist. "nah. she's perfect. i think i prefer real over someone fake," mark shrugged. you almost laughed at the irony of his statement.

"well. if you wake up and realize your worth, my somi is single," your aunt let out a laugh that sounded like nails on a chalkboard. mark shook his head, "sorry but im good." "suit yourself. yn show him to the kitchen. your cousins are there," your aunt glanced at you up and down before walking away. "now i see where they get it from," mark whispered to you. you couldnt process his words to you as you were internally trying to block out hers. mark seemed to notice your discomfort because he gave your hand a squeeze, "remember. hyuck's a drama major and extremely dramatic. if you wanna leave i can make it seem like the dorm burnt down." the comment got a small laugh at out you, making mark smile. "im fine. lets just power through this."

the kitchen was huge. the three girls sat at the island, glued to their phones. somi seemed to notice you as soon as you walked in, rolling her eyes and letting out an audible groan. garam looked up from her phone at somi's reaction and saw you standing there with mark. she was quick to move to great him. "come sit," she tried to pull him to the chair next to her but he stayed still next to you. you pulled a chair around to the other side so you could sit across from them. "where do you want to sit?" you asked, looking up at him. he ruffled your hair, making you whine about him messing it up, "next to you of course."

there wasnt much talk with your cousins, most of their attention being glued to the boy next to you. mark shot down all of their advances, complimenting you whenever he could in the conversation. he would try to bring you in the best he could, but you were more than happy not talking to the three girls in front of you.

you checked the time on your phone and hyuna narrowed her eyes at you. "yn thats very rude. are we not fitting into your empty schedule?" before you could speak, mark started first. "well actually i asked her to keep an eye on the time so we can get back before dark due to my early classes tomorrow." hyuna gasped as she turned to mark, "god i didnt know it was for you. im so sorry." mark said nothing as she aimed her apologies to him.

it was getting dark and you two had got through dinner. some more comments were thrown your way but you ignored them. mark looked at the time on his phone and stood up, "thank you for the meal but we have to leave. have a good night." mark gave a polite bow and you heard your aunt whisper to somi something about how she would love to have him as a son-in-law. you bid a small goodbye to your family as hyuna showed you both to the door.

as soon as you got into marks car you let out a huge sigh, "fuck i hate them." you felt tears welling in your eyes. "theyre all assholes. god i would love to meet the man who procreated with that witch," mark said as he put the address to the dorms into the gps. you laughed, "my uncle is actually really nice. can we find a different spot to discuss? i can feel them watching us." "oh yea?" mark glanced behind you and smiled when he saw hyuna and garam at the glass door as somi with her mom peaking through the windows. you furrowed your eyebrows as mark rolled down your window, "mark what are you-" you were cut off mid sentence when mark crashed his lips into yours, hands finding their way to the back of your neck to pull you closer to him.

previous - main - next

synopsis! it wasnt your fault mark was the first profile to appear on your instagram! and it was most definitely not your fault when you told your annoying older cousins that mark lee, the captain of your unis soccer team, was your boyfriend and somehow got him invited to the next family reunion...

tags! @haedgaf @onlyhyunjin @yumjsss @mmjhh1998 @nctrawberries @multifandomania @hyuoonp @kittydollzz @bathilda @413ktz @alethea-moon @meowmarkie @dojaejunging @morkiee @urlocalbeaner5 @nanaxwi @lvrholic @sunghoonsgfreal @jakeshuneybby @nosungluv @evilsailorsenshi @calumsfringe @candied-czennie @haesungie @tommina @woonagi-lemon @jovialdelusionbouquet @soheendo @vantxx95

[smallestapplin]

So I found out Arlecchino and Lynette aren't the biggest fans of heavy seasonings. Maybe the house's new "Mother" practices making less-seasoned portions in secret and does some snooping to figure out where their limits are by trying recipes and restaurants they like. Naturally, Arlecchino finds out eventually, but how would she respond?

Elder Emo

I cannot express the infodumping I want to do about the whole seasoning things and why is so common, but I will do so in fic form for you :3

-

-

Being hired as the hearths 'Mother' was terrifying for the first year, everyone testing you seeing how far they could push you, or how lenient you are when 'Father' isnt around.

It's learned quickly that while you are more emotionally available than Arlecchino, and offer more paternal affections and help, you won't drop a single rule while 'Father' is away.

For the most part things have been fine, even growing closer to the family and feeling truly apart of it, there is always just one issue.

Dinner.

Of course with so many kids and adults, dinner will be choas, and with so many different texture issues, likes and dislikes, it's nearly impossible to make one main dish, but you refuse to let anyone go hungry!

There is just a secondary issue with that.

Arlecchino and Lynette.

Both of them openly hating heavily seasoned food.

Lynette claims the seasonings are too strong or that something is too spicy.

Then Arlecchino repeats a myth over and over again "If it's high quailty food then it doesnt need seasoning."

If she wasn't your boss (or lover) you would've whacked her for such sensless blabbering! You want to tell her that is just a dumb myth made for the wealthy so they couldn't be eating like the poor.

But you sigh, needing to think of something.

Freminet and Lyney are easy to feed, both accepting nearly anything you set in front of them, the rest are picky, with Lynette and Arlecchino even pickier, so you had to work slowy.

You made at least a dozen meals a day, but each time you had one goal in mind.

Getting this house use to flavor. It's not anyone's fault Arlecchino can't cook, she refuses to get out of what she's use to, so it's up to you. Each night you add just a dash more seasoning to your meals.

Maybe a pinch more garlic salt, maybe a dash more paprika, maybe a hint of lemon and pepper seasoning, never adding too much, just adding little by little each time you make dinner to get them use to it.

And every day you hear Lynette purring about how good your food his, everyday you hear the kids asking for seconds, even in private Arlecchino tells you that you are doing a wonderful job, and she might have to make your 'Mother' status permanent.

You do this for months, nearly a year of you adding more and more flavor to the dishes you make, and never hearing a single complaint or not even getting the slightest feeling that something was wrong.

You were wrong to think she didn't know, how could you have ever thought you could sneak anything passed her? She knows everything that happens in the house, nothing ever escapes her.

The house is quiet, all the kids having left for a mission of some kind, leaving just you and Arlecchino. You wouldve thought your evening would be different, usually it's rare you two get alone time so it's used wisely.

You didn't imagine you'd be in her office, sitting on the other side of it as she stares at you from across it.

"I'm impressed, even though you were hiding it you hid it so well. Perhaps I should send you on missions too."

"Arlecchino, please, I wasn't poisoning anyone, and I made so nobody would be allergic to anything I was making or adding."

Her pointed look makes you snap your mouth shut.

"You hide the seasoning so well, I actually had quite a time trying to find everything you were using. How did you manage to keep it under wraps?"

"I wasn't hurting anyone, I just wanted everyone to actually enjoy their food. Bland food with just salt and pepper is so....depressing, there is no joy, no love, so fulfillment with such things."

She hums, taking a moment to think about what you've said. Leaning back in her chair, she takes a slow breath before seemingly coming to a choice.

"Consider this your first warning. You have been doing well, and since this isn't something major I will look passed it. But, it is a warning as you still lied and hid things from me, which is strictly prohibited."

"Sooo you don't want my 'marry me' chicken anymore?"

"....I never said that. Anyway, come now, the children will be home shortly and you still haven't prepared anything."

She stands up, walking with you to the kitchen, easily helping you gather the ingredients you ask for. She's not at all a good cook,, but she is one of your best kitchen aids when she has time.

[sansxfuckyou]

Compact Confessional

Summary: Mysterion is holding something from the rest of the Freedom Pals. They should respect his privacy, they really should- but they only take it as a challenge.

Warnings: Suggestive themes, privacy breach, betrayal of trust, swearing, feral behavior (in Kite), the authors attempt at humor, heavy guilt, interrogation, it gets worse but then it gets better guys, I promise

Authors Note: hurgh K2, with the additional flavor of kitesterion because I went batshit over the AU to an insane degree. I have no clue when the Ao3 port is dropping. Sorry if some of the colored text, isnt colored. And fair warning, this badboy levels around 10K words, tumblr starts to lag around 7.5K for anyone curious. it is almost 3 AM (do artists ever stay up insanely late to finish big projects and get so sleepy they forget the hotkey for the eraser tool? I wouldn't know, but somewhere along the line I kept trying to write segue way with a Q because I was fucking disoriented) I need to go to sleep right the fuck now

Mysterion is keeping something from the Freedom Pals, he's keeping something from all of them. Maybe if he was willing to talk about it with someone everyone wouldn't find it so intriguing. Maybe then everyone wouldn't want to know what it is that's so fucking important that no one is allowed to know about it.

Super Craig tries to act like it's nothing super big, aware that if everybody paid no mind to it that it might come out faster. Tupperware followed suite with the idea, Wonder Tweek tagging in as well. Other members of their franchise were a lot less… subtle, about their interest in Mysterions secret, whatever it is. The Coon is practically begging him every single day to tell him what it is, Call Girl even joins in. Toolshed is pretty sure the both of them are just making things worse it they want Mysterion to come clean.

Human Kite is the only one that refuses to meddle at all, even Doctor Timothy has tried getting a peek in Mysterions mind. The alien is the only one that sits there and listens to him bitch about how annoying they are. The only one that pauses to look and listen and take in every visual and audible cue because that's what he's known to do since he first landed way back when. It tells him a lot about his teammates if nothing else.

Still.

Mysterion- no, Kenny McCormick is hiding something from his friends. And given the fact that it's barely coming out even when he's in a state of delirium or terribly wounded, it must be something big.

It's starting to piss off Kyle a little bit.

-/-/-/-

"Thanks for letting me hang out for a bit man," Kenny said as he pulled on his orange parka. He opted to leave his bleached cargo shorts and purple everything else in a pile on Kyles bedroom floor. It was easy to do that when the alien offered to wash them, "Chilling with Cartman all the time definitely does not do wonders for ones mental health."

Kyle gives a laugh, the kind that leaves teeth too sharp on full display. "Totally, I swear to fuck that asshole needs therapy," He stills his tail from wagging like he's a little kid, except, when he was a little kid he tied his tail up so it wouldn't be exposed in an all too human world. An extremely uncaring world for anything different then what they know as normalcy.

"He needs so much therapy," Kenny answered with, "See you tomorrow?"

"On our patrol, I'll make sure your suit is washed," Kyle said, throwing an arm to the side, an invitation for a hug. He wouldn't be sad if Kenny didn't take it, but he still can't help the way his heart skips several beats when he gets one. An anchoring tightness enveloping him, squeezing a comfortable amount on his rib cage that would hurt if he was human.

"Thanks Kyle," Kenny said quietly, head propped near Kyles shoulder but not quite tall enough to rest it on top. He pushes himself on his tippy toes to press the top of his head to the bottom of Kyles chin. He takes a dramatic step back and maybe Kyles tail is swaying a little bit with a silky soft comfort residing on his skin. He clasps his hands together, "Tomorrow."

"Yeah man, see you then," Kyle said, the instant he realized his tail was doing the thing he stilled it entirely. He felt a slight singe of cyan embarrassment. Stupid alien anatomy. Giving away how he feels.

Kenny pivots on his heel and gives a wave, "See ya man!" His steps are light and Kyle is watching with maybe a little bit too much intent.

He has zero legal rights to do so, but emotional and psychological rights? He has plenty. The first one being that he might've imprinted on Kenny the second his family landed on earth. He might've latched onto both Mysterion and Kenny like an orphan duckling in his childhood era of existing- so much so that he couldn't help the absolute giddiness when he learned they were the same. Maybe he got a little bit too attached to Kenny compared to everyone else in a human sense. But in an alien sense, in his instinctual sense, he was the perfect amount of attached considering how he thought of Kenny.

The second reason he stared was because Kenny had an undeniably amazing ass. That wasn't just personal opinion either, they held a vote after a particularly odd argument in the Freedom Pals lair. Kenny won by an absolute fucking landslide in the votes and voter fraud having taken place can't be confirmed or denied by anyone.

Except for Doctor Timothy of course.

And if there is a god, Kyle is praying everyday that the human one makes sure that Doctor Timothy doesn't look into the legitimacy of the votes.

Kyle barely drags himself back from his thoughts, he's been told he can get lost in them sometimes. His tail is wagging again, the multicolored diamond-like frills undulate a little bit. He swings the front door shut reluctantly when he can't see Kenny anymore. He tugs off his gloves and tosses them in a pile alongside his hat, letting the splotchy cyan coloration of his skin show. He makes his way up to his bedroom, but he finds his impossibly human little brother standing in his doorway.

"Ike, get out of the way," Kyle said sternly, giving a bit of a growl under his voice. His adoptive brother just quirks a brow in that annoying manner he learned from the humans.

Ike clears his throat, "No."

"Well why not?" Kyle questioned, growl snuffed and replaced with something louder and more resonant, it vibrated in his brothers flesh. It was something that Ike long since lost the ability to be intimidated by.

"When are you gonna stop inviting over your little posse of partners eh?" Ike asked, crossing one arm over the other. His tone was nothing but accusatory, Kyle saw through it.

"Are you jealous?" Came Kyles instant reaction.

"No," Ike responded with far too fast to be true.

"I'll play some video games with you on Thursday," Kyle offered.

Ike moved out of the way, "Enjoy wallowing in your disgusting room bud."

Kyle ignored him with nothing more than an eye roll, he made a point of slamming his door shut. He kicked aside a small heap of whatever, a mix of something or other he'd been intending to clean up. He gently picks up a small stack of comics Kenny had lent him and places them on his desk. Right beside the Mysterion charm. And the Mysterion action figure. And the other pieces of shitty Mysterion merchandise he had bought.

Okay, yeah, maybe he had a little bit too much Mysterion merchandise. He was just trying to put some extra cash into Kenny's pocket for when money is tight around the house. He just wanted to make sure his best friend was living a decent life, it wouldn't be enough to give him the life Kyle knew Kenny deserved, but it would help.

He takes hold of Kennys outfit and empties the contents of the pockets into a small bin. Loose change, granola bar wrappers, pocket knife, lock pick, the usual stuff he carried around for hero duties and then some. Kyle shakes the hood loose of any twigs or leaves and something large enough to clatter as it hits the metal netting of the bin falls out. His pointed ear gives a flick at the noise, he's dropping to the ground and pulling it out in a second.

He's completely enveloped in the mystery of what was hidden in Kennys hood because A: fucking genius hiding spot, and B: this could be what Kenny was hiding. It could be exactly what Kenny was trying so hard to keep under the radar, what he successfully kept hidden from everyone's prying eyes.

He came up with a tape, jet black, scratched plastic and a cracked see through window bit. There are silver markings across the black, seemingly unpredictable and laid out with either sharpie ink or a paint pen. The paper label is coffee stained and reads the date, recorded last month (why it's still on Kennys person is odd). The log number is left blank, presumably stated in the recording.

It was a jackpot and somewhere in the back of Kyles mind he knew he should ignore it. He knew this was shattering every rule in the book and that he'd be shattering his friendship with Kenny, Mysterion and Human Kite would probably stop being a dynamic duo at that.

But, he needed to know.

He absolutely fucking needed to know.

He wouldn't dare speak it too anyone ever, and he'd return it to the hood right afterwards. He wouldn't even tell Kenny that he listened to it, he'd just sleep at night knowing exactly what Kennys secret is. And that would be more than good enough for Kyle, he wouldn't need anything else.

He reaches blindly for his cassette player, the one he's held onto since he was young. One of his earliest earthly possessions, one he still cherished and used every day. He popped out the cassette already inside and gently placed the pilfered audio into it. He eagerly grabs his earbuds before pressing play.

Professor Chaos is pretty fucking sure doing this shit is helping out my mental state or whatever He doesn't know what he's dealing with He doesn't know that he's playing with fire trying to get me to spill my guts on his fancy therapy chair But, here I am, sitting on top of the police station fully decked out in my Mysterion persona just chatting it up with myself again

I already know exactly what the problem here is Chaos, the center of this massive shitfuck that even paid therapy couldn't fix!

I've probably said that a million times in every one of these stupid fucking recordings... shit I forgot to do that log date ha!

Ahem, log three, topic. Whatever comes out of my fucking mouth.

Kyle presses pause hesitantly.

Oh god.

This is an audio diary, just for spilling Kennys guts.

And he's listening to it.

He should stop. He really, truly, should.

But he doesn't.

Instead he presses play.

Where were we? Right, right, just saying whatever shit that comes to my mind . . . I'm pretty sure that Kyle thinks I can't see him stare at me whenever I fucking bend over or walk away I'm not complaining, I'm flattered really But jeez man just say it outright if you think I have a hot ass

The pause button is slammed this time.

Kyles face is burning up because Kenny knew apparently, he knew that Kyle stared at him at every chance he gets. He feels his stomach twist a bit because oh man, he got caught staring and Kenny didn't even mention. The usage of 'you' makes Kyle feel even more called out on the matter.

He could drop out now, maybe that's the secret, that Kenny knows he stares. He could sleep at night saying that's the thing he's keeping hidden.

I can't talk much if you put everything into consideration But still! Human Kite himself staring at my ass . . . That's fucking awesome if I'm being honest I would hope I'm being honest cause who else is gonna listen to the truth aside from this stupid tape

Like, I'm just doing whatever and I can feel it He is staring holes into me, somedays it's like he's hitting me with those fucking laser eyes! That'd be hilarious actually One second I'm loading a dishwasher and the next my ass is on fire because he couldn't help but stare The Coon would be laughing about that till he's dead

So would Toolshed

And Call Girl

And Mosquito

We'd all get a good laugh out of it

Except for Human Kite

I think he would die of embarrassment if he lit my ass on fire It'd be adorable Bright blue face, ears drooping the slightest bit, maybe his tail would do something I don't know He'd probably say sorry a lot All I know is that after I'm done putting out the fire I'd say "it's fine!" And then I'd think about how cute he looks for weeks on end

Fuck he's absolutely amazing in every sense of the word God, I'm supposed to use these to rant about my shitty family Not gush about my partner in heroics . Oh well

He's perfect! I swear on my mothers grave he is everything That grin he gets whenever he's about to blow someone sky high I can see almost all of his fangs when he does it, which are fucking scary by the way But I'll be damned if it isn't a little bit hot to think about He could kill me and I'll love him He could do absolutely anything to me and I'd still want him so fucking much

And!

And, and, and There's this little thing he does whenever he gets happy Where the weird bits on his tail like, shake? They move, his tail also wags But the frills don't move unless he's actually happy He can fake the wag but he can't fake the frills moving

It's so fucking cute and weird and different I love it

Anyways! This is South Parks number one worst superhero coming to you live from the top of the police station!

. . .

Shit I think someone heard me

Kyle is paralyzed as the tape ends, letting every single word soak into his brain. His tail is doing the thing, it's wagging. Every nerve in his body is alight and he feels his stomach twisting into knots. His claws are digging into the plastic of the tape player as he just stares. His eyes end up resting on his desk, his laptop, with all of his external attachments.

There's a rush to his movements as he grabs it and the oddest, most useless, thing he owns. A reverse recorder of sorts, a simple thing he crafted but never thought he'd have a chance to use. He flips open the top and jams the plug into it's socket before sliding the cassette as gently as possible into the gadget. He should not be doing this, he really shouldn't be doing this.

But he can't keep the cassette to keep hold of the audio, he needs too extract it if he ever wants to hear it again. Which is wrong, and bad, and he absolutely needs to stop but he isn't. He's clicking 'extract' and watching that loading bar fill up gratingly slow.

He places down his laptop gently and balls up the fabrics before leaving. There's a twist of wrong in his gut, but he ignores it as he swings open the washing machine door. He knows how fucking wretched this is, that he'll be absolutely ruined if anyone finds out. He won't be able to live down the shame of having anyone catch word that he knows the secret. That he knows what it is that's keeping Kenny wound up so tightly.

He'll just keep his mouth shut.

Real easy.

Real simple.

-/-/-/-

Kyle might be abusing the knowledge he garnered from the tape, maybe a little bit. He might be curling up next Kenny a little bit more than often, hunched under a flowing purple cape like a cougar despite the height difference. Just maybe he's resting his head atop Kenny's a little bit more than usual, purring a little bit louder whenever he comes into contact with Kenny.

He really doesn't care though, maybe there's a twisted sense of catharsis he gets from the knowledge that yes, it's reciprocated, despite doing nothing to change it. Being awkward homies acting like there's nothing going on below the surface is entirely acceptable and everything that he's wanted from Kenny the second his family landed. Definitely. Absolutely. He didn't imprint. He absolutely did not imprint. He killed off that instinct way back in fourth grade.

Right after he met Kenny.

One second too late. And he is one hundred percent sure everyone in his family can see it, even Ike! Except, the little shit will hold it over him if he gets a chance. Taunting and teasing that Kyle imprinted on his best friend instead of literally anyone else. Of course, the asshole knows better what with every member of his family sporting claws made to rend flesh.

"Kyle!"

The Broflovski perks up a bit at his name being called. Stan sits down across from him, sliding his safety glasses off as he does so.

"You good man?" Stan asked, Kyle nodded.

"I'm great, amazing even," Kyle said, he gestured vaguely as he spoke.

Stan stayed silent for a moment.

Kyle heaved a heavy sigh, "I think I fucked up the first day I landed."

"That was years ago, and just now it's affecting you?" Stan asked. He kicked up his feet to rest on the table.

"Yeah, and Kenny's sort of being an ass. He can trust us, he can trust us more than anyone else in this fucking town!" There's an exasperated exhale as he comes down from the near shout, "How come he's not telling us?"

Stan shrugged, "That's his business, if he doesn't want to tell us, just respect that."

"But-"

"Respect it," Stan pressed, "He might fess up to you first if you just give him time."

"I doubt it," Kyle muttered, barely loud enough for Stan to hear. His tail is snaking around his waist tightly. Tight enough he can feel it sting just a bit.

"Dude. Firstly, calm down," Stan said, Kyle glared at him. The ravenette simply gestured to the prehensile appendage squeezing the air from Kyle's lungs. He drops it, "Secondly, you're his best friend. If he's telling anyone it'll be you."

Kyle gave a hesitant nod, "Yeah, that makes sense."

Stan gave him a grin, comforting, grounding. He dropped down his feet and leaned over the table, holding out a hand. Kyle placed his atop Stan's, his hand was larger. Cyan tinted fingertips tapping along an open palm, "It's fine man, he'll tell us soon enough. It's not like he can keep a secret forever."

"No, you're right man. He can't keep a secret from us forever," Kyle said, a small grin on his face as Stan tightened his grip.

"Now stop stressing so much," Stan said, "Go get some calamari or whatever."

-/-/-/-

Kyle finds the next tape in a vent on top of Unplanned Parenthood while he's on a mission. He's quick to slide it into his pocket before Mysterion can notice. He can't just, jeopardize this discovery, he isn't even sure if he can call it a discovery if he's sure of what it is.

A shoulder collides with him and he stumbles just a bit. His arms are quick to push Mysterion right back up again. There's a crack down his lips and he looks to Kyle, "Get your head in the game, Kite!"

A blast of something or other comes straight at them and there's a brief second of hesitation before Mysterion is tossed out of the way and Kyle is ducking. The blonde is easily caught again and placed down, "Gladly," He takes Mysterion's hand, "Show me how?"

There's a smirk, bone chilling to many but it only makes Kyle's stomach flutter. Mysterion tightens his grip briefly, "Let's go then."

He's quick to launch Kyle forward with a running start, the alien tackling down whichever thug is on them now. Claws detract and tear through silver hued gloves as he snarls, easily dwarfing the goon. They're shaking as Kyle bares his fangs, tail thrashing about and body hunched in a predatory stance. Is he snarling? He is, he's proud of it too as he brings himself to be face to face.

He rears back on his knees, clawed hand raised and ready to slash. He goes to tear open their throat, but a grasp at the back of his collar prevents him. It short circuits him a little bit as the fabric of gloves press against cool skin.

"My friend here isn't exactly human," Mysterion said calmly as he released Kyle's costume. He stayed still and glanced up to Mysterion.

There's a shaky nod from the thug.

"Now, you have two options," Mysterion said. His tongue briefly slid between lips to capture the blood seeping from the crack. He circled around the dropped person a bit more, "Number one, you leave. You run to Canada, and never bother us again."

No response.

"Number two, Human Kite kills you. Right here," Mysterion snaps his fingers and as practiced Kyle gnashes his fangs with a growl, "Right now."

"I'll run! I'll leave!" The convict practically screamed.

"Fine, Kite?" Mysterion said. Claws come down atop the goons eye, deep enough to scar and maybe to go blind in one eye. Kyle stands up, red contrasting the cyan of his fingertips, he watches them run and revels in it.

Once they're far off, darting down staircases and running through the streets, does Mysterion take a seat. He drops down on the roof and Kyle takes a seat beside him, frilled tail wrapping around Mysterion's waist. A hand comes to push back the hood and he leans his head on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude, being a hero is so sucky," Kenny said with a light laugh, "I just wanna get killed sometimes."

Kyle gives a hum.

"I just come back anyways, but we seriously haven't faced anyone actually dangerous in years," Kenny said, gesturing vaguely as he spoke to drive in the point.

"Definitely," Kyle said, Kenny dropped down onto his back. Kyle leans back to meet him in eye contact.

"I miss when this shit was fun," Kenny said, a sigh on his voice as he spoke.

"I think that most of us do," Kyle answered with. His tongue, forked, flickered out for a brief second.

"You're just like a snake man," Kenny said.

Cyan rose to Kyle's face, "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Like, your tongue. It looks like a snakes, forked," Kenny said, he did the spock thing with his hands as if to display forked. He stuck out his tongue at the same time, "It's really fucking cool. You got some scales right? And those weird little ridges on your back? All of those are snake-y things, Kyle."

"Yeah, cause I'm a freakish little dude," Kyle said extravagantly, as if to make his point he gave a set jazz hands, gloves off to expose to smallest bit of cyan webbing. He sticks out his tongue between too sharp teeth, "Absolutely monstrous."

"I'd hardly say 'little' is the word for you, ya six foot monster," Kenny taunted back, "And I love ya for that man."

Kyle barely beats down the intensifying flush on his face, "Well, won't stop me from being at least a little bit snake like. It's more fun to be a weird creature than a human anyways," He drops down and nudges Kenny's shoulder with his head until he sits up and nudges off the silvery cape. A hand rests in a tangle of red curls for a brief moment before the alien curls around Kenny's back.

"You're also very... Cat. Very feline. Very not human," Kenny said, words teasing but loving nonetheless.

He rested his hand on top of Kyle's head, gently sifting through a sea of red. He leaned back on his friends torso a little bit as he brought a second hand to run through Kyle's hair. He shifted around a bit to rest almost on his knees, facing Kyle just a bit more. His side pressed to Kyle's lower rib cage, his hands didn't leave the redheads hair for a second. He slid down his friends face just a bit, callused thumbs briefly brushing over the ever sensitive auricle fins he had. Were they fins? Not quite, just cyan flares at the base of pointed ears.

He let his fingers scritch just past the back of Kyle's ears, resting atop the buzzed patch of hair. Olive green eyes fluttered shut as Kenny just rubbed right there, the sweet spot. He slumps into Kenny's hands, chin resting at the heel of his palm (he can't see the gentle smile on Kenny's face).

The blonde nearly explodes when Kyle starts to purr. It starts soft, but it slowly grows, shaking Kenny down to his core with his side pressed against Kyle's diaphragm. Or his lungs. Or his whatever it is that makes that wonderful rumbling sound giving Kenny enough serotonin to live forever. He already will, but this is making that eternity sound a lot more bearable. Then he hears a thudding- three, soft thumps before it resets and happens again. His tail is wagging, Kyle really likes being scratched behind the ears apparently.

Kenny's pretty sure he's falling asleep with the pads of his finger, despite being rough and scratchy, gently rubbing behind his ears. He lifts his fingers for a second too long and Kyle opens up his eyes, "Why'd you stop?" He sounds groggy and disappointed, he stops purring.

Kenny picks up the motions, "You were falling asleep," He tosses his cape over Kyle's form.

Kyle lazily blinks, one eye, then the other. He shrugs the best he can, "And?"

"Good point," Kenny said on a hum as he twirls a finger through curls, a light tug.

Kyle's tail starts to thud again and he's sure the afterglow of this will never fade.

-/-/-/-

Kyle's feeling a little bit guilty about tuning into this tape.

Not nearly enough to make him stop though.

He drops down on his bed comfortably, he doesn't even bother to put in his earbuds. His parents are out for the weekend, his brother is at Kenny's to hang out with Karen, presumably fishing. He knows that he's bound to get a call from Ike sometime in the night for a ride, for Ike, Karen, and maybe even Kenny if it's really rough. But, he'll have enough time to listen to the entirety of it.

He presses play.

I think shits getting worse I'm not using these things properly I should be using these for literally anything else! I could talk about how much I worry about my sister, or my money problems, or whatever!

But I'm still using these tapes for just a few little things

Mostly talking about Kite Not gonna use his actual name this time cause someone heard me last week I'm pretty sure I ran them out of town For good

Do I feel bad about that?

Absolutely not

Gotta protect a mans privacy, even if that means blood and intimidation Which uh, I swear it didn't involve blood This time at least

Now, log number... nine? I'm pretty sure this is number nine I would go back and check 'em all out again, but I lost one of them No clue where the little fucker went But it's gone

Kyle pauses the tape. There's missing ones- he needs to find it before Kenny does. He can just put it back later, like he'll do with this one after he's done thoroughly listening to it. He put back the last one, slid it back into the hidden pocket and acted like it never happened.

Of course, since then he's always checked the hidden pocket whenever he got a chance to do so. But, he's been unlucky in terms of finding any up until this one which leaves him with the idea that the rest have been planted around town. He shuts off his rampant train of thought- he is not going to try and sleuth out all of the tapes. He still has some respect for Kenny's privacy, he still has some intention to keep their friendship intact, and most importantly, he still has full intention of never acting on any of what he hears in said tapes.

That would give away that he's been listening to them, a risk he can't take. He clicks the button again.

Look, I always knew Kite was a weird one Everyone does The guys alien, so we cut him some slack on human things that go mostly unspoken

Conversational subtext, call frequency, having beer on ice- simple shit

And in turn, we also try to learn a bit about his species culture I don't even know if species is the right word Does that make me racist? Are aliens even a race to be racist against? Could I even discriminate if only... Three, exist on earth?

So many questions, so little time

Of course, there isn't exactly a lot about his kind I doubt there's a lot of his kind His mom keeps making quips about how all of them would come to earth if it was easier to integrate But honestly? If you just got rid of the alien extremities I would not be able to tell that Kite isn't human

Same with his parents The lot of them blend in perfectly Don't know why she stresses so much And even if they didn't, they have a human to vouch for them A bunch of humans actually

There's a brief pause where Kyle let's himself think about that for a moment. He's never had a chance to think about it before. He doesn't really dwell on it for longer than a minute, flipping himself onto his stomach. His tail lazily sways back and forth as he listens/

I think I got off point there

Allow me to relocate and get back to what I was supposed to be talking about

. . .

There is a fucking line, Kite! You stay on your side of the line! You can't just walk over to my side! Just waltz on over like you own the fucking place! And just, act like it's no big deal! You just sit down right next to me. Like. Right next to me, are thighs are fucking pressed against each other and you lean into me! You just, push your head up against my shoulder like a fucking cat until I give you attention

Which I always do I'm weak

And then you start purring, and your tail does a dumb little wag! And I'm sitting there, begging and pleading, that I don't do something dumb You're putty in my fucking hands Asking me to just shower you in attention! I do, I always do- I always sit there and give you attention

Whatever it is you want I'd give it to you I'd do it for you Anything, for you

The voice softens just a bit, lowering itself. He sounded so very, very mad. Not even mad, just agitated. His voice is heady, wrapped into the narrative he's spinning so accurately. Kyle feels his stomach flip at the words droning so deeply into his skull. The notions made his skin tingle, heart pulsating so very fast he wouldn't be shocked if it exploded all at once.

But no! I stay on my side of the line Like a good boy

Because I don't wanna freak him out Or scare him off

I feel like such a fucking perv And I am a bit pervy I am fully aware of the fact that I am known to stare if someone fine is walking by

But.

To stare at Kite? To want Kite?

It definitely caught me off guard

And he isn't human He doesn't get it I touch him I feel like I'm dirtying him Even if it's just a high five! I have too much on mind for this shit

I see that idiot and you know what I wanna to do?

Do you even wanna to know what I want do to him?

Kyle slams the pause button, he can feel his nerves shoot up in shock. His tail has went from lazily thumping back and forth to wagging like that of a dogs. The minute ridges on his back are shaking, just a bit. He may be mildly cold-blooded, but right now he really can't tell.

He looks down at his hands and they're entirely cyan, normally just a little bit at the tips. The hue shoots up his forearms. He can practically hear his heartbeat pounding in his chest, the sound bangs back and forth in his skull.

Oh.

Oh he's opened up a massive can of worms with this tape.

He keeps listening

I'd just

.

I would-

.

Fuck man I can't even say it out loud I don't know what I was thinking!

I'm sitting on top of city hall and I was about to go off about how I'd fuck him!

Could I even fuck him? Are the species compatible? Do aliens even have reproductive organs?

They must They totally do How else do they, how do they reproduce? Eggs?

. . . Nasty

But I would fucking worship him I would do whatever he asked me too Even if he's too unversed in human reproduction to ask me too fuck him up I'd still do what he asks me too

You wanna go out at that new pizza place that charges by the minute? Let's go darling

You wanna go check out the newest arcade cabinet? Baby, the cars already running

You want me to get your logo as a tramp stamp? I might not do that one actually . That's a lie I'd do anything for him

. . .

God, I'm such a mess I need real therapy

Kyle has long since buried his face in a pillow to muffle his screams (although they're closer to high pitched squeals) and cover his ears. He feels like he's running a fever, a really, really bad fever. Every square inch of his body is on fire and he can't care much that he's clawing into his pillow, downy soft feathers spilling from gouges.

He's drawing a blank.

A complete and utter blank.

He hears the click signalling it's over and he feels his stomach twist in regret.

It's a lot easier to hide that you know something if said something isn't... that, whole thing that just happened. His ears are ringing a little bit as the words ping around the sides of his head, like a game of Pong. The pillow is still keeping his face covered as he rolls onto his back, then his side, then his front, and his side again, knees pressed flush against the wall. Fuck, he feels like he's sixteen all over again, and that was just three years ago! He's too young to be having moments like this.

He mechanizes his breathing, eyes wide open as he stares at the darkness of the space themed pillow case in front of him. Sheer darkness with the occasional blip of a lighter hue. His tail is still thrashing, whipping back and forth madly, he's sure it would scuff the wall if it hit it.

He has to come down from his safe space eventually. Even if that safe space is merely a pillow pressed to his face.

He tosses aside the pillow and rolls onto his back and just stares at the ceiling.

His entire existence has officially been flipped on it's head.

He hears his cell phone ring and he reaches for it, answering before even checking whose calling. He gives a cracked, "Hello?"

"Dude are you good? You sound like you've just been crying," Came Kenny's voice, concern laid on thick.

Kyle nearly hangs upon the spot but instead he bites his tongue and doesn't say a word.

"Look man, dads being a bit of an ass, and Ike was wondering if you could come pick him up for the umpteenth time," Kenny said. He gave a hum, "Could Karen tag along?"

"Totally man," Kyle answered with as he sat up, trying so hard to still his tail. It swiped back and forth atop the blankets, he felt a little bit wrong about not telling Kenny what he knew right now. But, this is a bad time to do that, any Kyle can lie his way out of it again. He hesitates before adding, "You need an escape too?"

"It'd be nice, but you already sound tired. Did I catch you at a bad time? Were you perhaps 'jacking it', my fine, alien friend?" Kenny asked tauntingly, his smugness was palatable.

Kyle wished he could just say 'yeah' and move on instead of carefully think over his next words. Life would much simpler if his head didn't catch on the usage of 'fine' in referral to himself. His mouth felt dry but he choked out some words anyways. "Dude, what makes you think I even have a dick? I got that weird ass alien biology, don't I?""

There's a laugh on the other side, "Hey man, not all of my shots are gonna be spot on. But really, if you don't want me over I won't come," There's an tenderness to his voice and the contrast to the almost gritty and desperate tone he had on the tape gives Kyle whiplash.

"You can if you want too, but I'll probably pass out pretty fast," Kyle lied. He'd just lay in bed, wide awake, for potentially hours with Kenny on the floor beside him. That's how it usually went at least.

"Going full on feral like you did earlier takes a lot out of you, doesn't it?" Kenny asked.

Silence.

"Silent treatment, did I strike a nerve bud? Regardless, we'll be out front in ten," Kenny said, "I can make you some hot coco if you'd like."

"That'd be nice," Was Kyle's weak response.

-/-/-/-

The night was a lot more tense than either of them wanted it to be.

They usually shared a hug before actually getting into bed and trying to pass out. And if not that then Kyle would subtly demand some time to just, co-exist, in very close proximity to each other. In even more minimal situations, they would just share some words of 'love you bro' and call it a night.

None of that transpired.

"I can just go home man," Kenny offered at the break of two AM.

Kyle rolled over to the edge of his bed, leaning over it just a bit, "It's fine."

"Is something wrong? Cause like, you've just been acting... off, lately," Kenny said gently as he propped himself on his elbows, both resting on his pillow.

"Nothings wrong," Kyle said, he crossed his arms and rested his chin on them, "I am gonna ask my parents some questions when they get back."

"About what?" Kenny asked quietly, as though he were afraid of shattering the night if he spoke too loud. The navy walls cast deep blue across the room, reflecting the moonlight in a comfortable darkness.

Kyle stayed silent.

"Alien stuff?" Kenny asked.

Kyle nodded, "Yeah, alien stuff."

"Fun," Kenny answered with a scoff. He dropped back down again and turned to face Kyle, Kyle's bed frame at least, "But for real, you're just- somethings going on in your head. I can tell."

Kyle shrugged, "It's stupid."

"I won't judge man, you're my best friend," Kenny said. And he said it in such a way that for a brief second Kyle forgot about the tapes entirely.

"How are you supposed to talk to someone about something you don't want too?" Kyle asked, trying to withhold and give equal amounts of information.

Kenny paused, "Work out the words in your head. Practice once or twice, maybe even record it. Figure out what needs to be reworked. Write it out if you must- just get it out of your head."

Kyle nodded.

"Trust me man, the second it's out of your head and off your shoulders, life will be easier," Kenny explained reassuringly, "Even if it's only for a second or two."

"Thanks bro," Kyle said quietly.

"Least I can do," Kenny said.

There's a beat of hesitance, "Love you man."

"Love you too," And then Kenny turns away from him, tugging the blanket up to his shoulders.

-/-/-/-

Kyle's pretty sure that Kenny is onto him at this rate, but, he tries to ignore the terrible slithering sensation that he's been caught.

He just focuses on whatever comes next.

This time it's none other than The Coon himself deciding he needs to bring something up with Kyle. Silence drenches the room in the worst way possible as he sits across from the hybrid. Furred ears are swiveled to face Kyle and it makes him feel impossibly nervous, he knows that Cartman can hear his heartbeat. Can it hear pick up speed when Stan sits down beside him, even more so when Wendy joins.

And then Clyde, Timothy, Jimmy- all on one side of Cartman.

Tweek and Craig sit down on the side with Wendy and Stan, Scott as well.

"We know you figured it out, Kyle," Cartman said calmly, tone frigid in a way that makes Kyle feel paralyzed. The hybrid clasps his hands together in front of himself on the table.

"Figured what out?" Kyle snaps back with, trying his hardest to muster the usual snarkiness he has around Cartman. Bute he fails, miserably at that. He just sounds pathetic, grasping at straws if nothing else.

"Don't play dumb," Wendy said, she sounded sharp. She may be tough as nails, and normally Kyle respects that, admires it even, but when it's directed towards him? He gets why people run from Call Girl.

"Why in the cosmos should I tell the likes of you?" Kyle answered with, feebly trying to defend Kenny's privacy.

A privacy that he had already thoroughly breached and ravaged, alongside the unspoken trust they had. He had wrecked it, ruined it, destroyed it- but he could salvage it from the fact Kenny didn't know that Kyle knew.

"You can trust us, Kyle. We're your best friends," Clyde said. And he was right, he was so right.

Kyle's tail snaked itself around the chair leg, "Really guys, I don't know what you're talking about-"

"His secret, Kyle," Cartman said, "Tell us."

"I," He hesitated, "I can't."

"You've already fucked up your relationship with him enough, Kyle. I got Wendy to do a deep dive on your species, and of the few things she could find, she discovered this," Cartman said. He raised a folder, an awful beige and orange hue, and slid it over to Kyle.

The alien hesitantly took it. It was three pages thick, presumably doubled sided. He opened it and skimmed through the headings, he knew every single trait in and out. He paused at the highlighted one, "You're joking."

"This is serious man," Stan said, "We wouldn't just accuse you of imprinting of Kenny without any basis."

"That's stupid. He's my best friend. That's all, that's our dynamic- the kind of dynamic that rakes in loads of cash," Kyle defended with, hoping that pressing on Cartman's one pressure point would make him let up. He slammed the folder shut and slid it back, "Even if I did imprint on him, it would ruin the franchise and never be reciprocated."

"Then tell us what the secret is, you have nothing to lose, no? Just a friend, they come and go on earth," Cartman said. He was calling Kyle's bluff, did he even realize it? He probably did, or if he didn't, he'd snoop until he did.

"Ask Professor Chaos instead, he knows more," Kyle said, trying so, so hard to deflect. The tension pooling everywhere under his skin was agonizing. He needed an out so bad, he needed an escape so, so fucking bad.

Cartman scoffs, "Already done, he said he was sworn to some oath of secrecy, sent us to you."

Kyle stays silent, forcing eye contact with the sleaze in front of the him. The trash eater himself, scraping tactics from the bottom of the barrel.

"Just tell us, no harm will come from it," Cartman said sternly.

"It'll destroy my friendship with Kenny," Kyle snarled out.

"No new harm will come from it, we all know the damage has been done my friend, it's just yet to be discovered," Cartman said, words cutting into Kyle like a knife.

He bites his tongue, Cartman's right, "Give me a week to collect more information on the subject, then I'll report back with the news."

There's a smug and satisfied grin on Cartman's face as he leans back, "See? That wasn't so hard, was now?"

Kyle stands up and pushes away from the table, "I'm going."

"Don't forget about your patrol with Mysterion tomorrow evening, Kite!" Cartman calls out, head leaned back on his chairs backrest.

Kyle's tail is swaying angrily, "Fuck off."

His fangs are grinding against each other as he storms off, if it weren't for the fact he was in suit he would punt the closest chihuahua like a football. Or do something else just as dumb. Maybe kick a fire hydrant and hope it doesn't dent, or punch a tree. Something to make the tense feeling uncoil, to let himself just relax for one second.

He doesn't deserve that though.

He's been uprooting the very foundations of his friendship with Kenny, all because of some morbid curiosity. And Kenny doesn't even fucking know. Kyle is just getting away with it cause he's being awfully slick with how careful he is to put everything back exactly where he found it.

The worst part is how long it's taken for him to feel genuine guilt about it if nothing else. He's such a fucking snake, biting onto his relationship with Kenny and refusing to let go. Sinking fangs deeper and deeper, searching for more even though it's cannibalizing itself. And the first taste is all that it takes to get someone hooked, shame that the thing he got a taste of was metaphorical guts. Kenny just hasn't realized he's stuck in this ouroboros of a relationship.

Despite that, a really twisted and messed up part of him persists in wondering when he'll find the next tape.

-/-/-/-

He finds the next tape almost a week after the interrogation.

Although, we're using the term 'find' rather loosely here. Instead it sort of, fell directly into his lap. And despite knowing better and not wanting to go any further, he still held onto it and didn't let go.

"Thanks for washing my gear man," Kenny said as he stood at the door, Kyle held the bundle of purple fabrics in hand.

He gave a smile, as convincing as he could manage, "No problem man, least I can do."

"See ya tomorrow bro," Kenny said before pivoting on a heel to leave which struck Kyle as odd. The blonde usually loitered for a little bit, chatted casually about whatevers on his head. But none of that came today.

Still, Kyle closed the door and walked down to the luandry room before shaking out the purple. There was that clatter, plastic against unfinished flooring, it was just concrete at the moment. He tossed in the clothing and flipped on the spin cycle with a bit of lavender scented soap. He slid down the front of the washing machine and stared at the tape.

He shouldn't.

He really shouldn't.

He does.

He grips the tape and slams it into the player and hits the play button before he can further question his actions.

I know you're hearing this, Kyle I don't know how long you've been listening to my diary for But it's you It has to be you

Kyle swears his heart stops dead in its tracks. He barely registers that the grit Kenny forces when he's acting out Mysterion has disappeared. That this is just Kenny now.

Who else would be messing with my tapes They're never just right when you put them back You leave scuff marks on the plastic I can fingerprint things, Kyle

I planted this one And log number twelve The rest though? I don't know how many of those you've heard

I'll admit I never meant for number three to fall into your hands I just thought you'd be kind enough to not listen in

. . . How wrong I was

And it's a real shame too You better not have told the rest of the team, Kyle I will make you regret every single breath you've taken if you have

But, that's only if I can get that intel from the gang Do be warned that Cartman is very easy to persuade It won't take me much longer than ten minutes to make him crack

The rest will go even faster Although, I'd give Wendy much longer Craig? He'll be shattering in seven minutes, tops Tweek? Three, maybe four Stan? He trusts me more than you'd expect, he won't even fight

I hope I was right about you being smart, Kyle

Kyle's blood turns to ice.

He is so fucked.

At least he didn't tell Cartman.

You already know my big secret And you have two options, Kyle

Option one: Meet me at Starks Pond tonight to confirm how you feel about the contents of these logs. I'm probably sitting there right now

Option two: Don't. This horrible relationship limbo can remain just like this, on my end I've been stuck here for years

Look, Kyle, what you've done here You're forcing my hand I don't have any other options

Do what you want

I clearly can't stop you

The tape is flung from the cassette player to the other side of the room, it hits the wall and cracks. A thousand regrets pool in the pit of Kyle's stomach and he wants to vomit. He also wants to curl up in a ball and die. Or live in Cartman's basement instead, those are all good options.

But in the same breath...

He's being given a choice when he was sure this whole thing he had with Kenny would simply implode, collapse in on itself and die. He has one chance to make this better than it is. He'll never be able to make this right, but, he can at least try and reinforce the breaking pieces before it's entirely broken.

He picks himself up off the ground and starts on his way up the stairs. He freezes at the door, is he gonna do this? Is he gonna go out to Starks Pond and talk like he should've far too long ago?

Yeah, yeah he fucking is.

The real question is if he's actually gonna say whats been fueling his co-dependency with Kenny for so long.

He isn't sure if he'll manage to fess up to the stupidest biological function he has. He'll try, he'll make an attempt to explain exactly what's been conspiring inside of his head without him even realizing for so many years. He'll at the very least get out a couple words to explain the dumbest thing he's been roped into by his own genetics and unfortunate timing.

-/-/-/-

The ever-present snow and ice crunches under Kyle's boots, but that's the last thing he's focusing on. His eyes are trained ahead of hi as he walks along the edge of Starks Pond. His tail is still, a very rare occurrence.

When he reaches the edge of the pond that Kenny's standing at he's lost his words. The blonde is just staring at him, looking for tells. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his orange jacket, bright orange, pumpkin orange. Kyle can't focus on anything.

"It worked, you nosy little shit," Kenny said, words weaponized with ease.

"Yeah, it worked," Kyle said. He took a step closer, "I'm sorry," and then another, "For everything really," A third step and Kenny tenses, flinching back just a bit. In turn Kyle steps back.

"For what? Did you tell them?" Kenny asked defensively. He sounded scared more than anything else.

"I know better than that Kenny, they did interrogate me though," Kyle explained stiffly.

Kenny gives a hum, "That gets that problem out of the way."

Kyle nods, "Yeah, that it does."

"So, you listened to three, nine, twelve, and seven, right?" Kenny asked.

"Sorry," Kyle said.

"At least have the decency to dignify me with an answer man, you just fucking ruined me. I had to record that final tape five times before it was good enough to use. I swear to god, normally I'd cut you some slack and now you know why, but not this time," Kenny spat sharply, "So, you listened to those tapes, right?"

"Yep, the four that you listed," Kyle said, his attempt to stay professional just made him sound stiff and disjointed.

This time Kenny faltered before speaking, "And your opinions on them?"

"Positive," Kyle answered with faster than a bullet. His tail flicked as he spoke.

"Anything else?" Kenny asked, desperation heavy on his voice. Thick like molasses.

"I think I imprinted on you- which means something different then it does for the ducks!" Kyle was quick to backtrack on his words, Kenny just looked intrigued, "My species has a 'thats the one' instinct. If we find the right person, it activates, and according to my parents at least, it's usually subliminal. When we landed, I imprinted on you- so, to me, you're the one. And for all I know, unless you die and stay dead, that stupid ass hormonal flux won't go down."

Kenny stayed silent.

"I'm stuck fixating on you until one of us dies, my kind mates for life, and unless I submit myself to experimental science the animal part of my brain is gonna keep screaming that you're mine. Which is kind of annoying, and dumb, and gets in the way- and I didn't even realize it until I found that first tape. I've just been infatuated with you since grade four and I don't know how to make it stop," Kyle spilled, some words meshing together in a blend of syllables. Cyan progressively rose to his face the entire time he spoke. He dropped down to the ground, facing away from Kenny and towards the water, "I'm so fucking sorry Kenny."

Kenny took a few tentative steps closer to where Kyle sat, his tail lay curled around him yet limp on the ground. His ears were drooping a bit and he looked ashamed of himself, a little bit distraught at that. "I'm not gonna disown you, Kyle. That'd just be fucking stupid."

"I didn't mean to ruin your life man, you could've been scoring. God, I probably scared off so many people without even realizing it," Kyle choked out weakly. He pressed his nails into the heel of his palm, "I swear I didn't mean to imprint on you. I swear man- I can try and suppress it."

"It's fine, Kyle," Kenny said as he crouched down beside Kyle. He bumped their shoulders together.

No response.

Okay, that was worrying. It struck a particular chord in the depths of Kenny's chest. One very, very similar to the 'my sister is hurt' chord, which unlocks a specific subset of reactions. Those reactions include:

A: Unbridled violence on whoever caused this B: Giving tried and true advice C: Terrible jokes and playful punches D: Just listening with or without a glass of warm milk

None of those options seem optimal, so Kenny improvises.

"I mean, the whole 'imprint' thing doesn't bother me," Kenny said as he sat down behind Kyle. His knees were bent and he rested his head on Kyle's shoulder.

"Dude I fucking ruined your life," Kyle got out quietly, his tail snapped to punctuate his sentence. It wrapped itself around Kenny's thigh, just above his knee.

"Beg to differ," Kenny said as he slowly raised his hands up. He gently placed them at the base of Kyle's skull, he tensed but didn't move. Kenny slowly rubbed circles in just behind Kyle's ears in the hopes it would calm him down.

Kyle leaned back into Kenny a bit, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"Half of those tapes were me going off about how much I adore you and want you, Kyle. I know you have a brain in there, put it to some use," Kenny said, a small grin on his face as he spoke. He could feel Kyle start to purr, "Just think about it."

Kyle paused for a moment, to just let all of the data sink in. He felt like a total idiot when the conclusion formed in his head, "Oh."

"Yeah," Kenny answered with, "Good thing."

"I'm such a fucking idiot," Kyle said with a laugh on his voice. He squeezed a bit tighter around Kenny's leg, constricting, like a snake, "Can't wait to confirm my families suspicions."

"Do they think we're a thing?" Kenny asked as he combed his fingers through Kyle's hair.

Kyle nodded, "Probably, apparently I've been signalling some very, very vulgar and subtle things to you with my tail for the past six years. I didn't even notice my tail was moving half the time, but it was- mom and dad had to explain that to me which was fun."

"Did you stop?" Kenny asked.

"Naw, definitely not," Kyle answered with smugly, "You never knew anyways."

Kenny gives a hum, "I would say I was giving some vulgar signs myself, but humans don't have a good way to do that discretely."

"I've noticed," Kyle said, "I can read half of you like books with all the tells each of you have."

"Guess Ill have to be even more mysterious so the guys don't catch on," Kenny said as Kyle started to purr, the vibrations rapidly picking up in volume. It felt nice.

"They aren't idiots dude," Kyle said, "They'll catch on soon enough."

"Or we could just walk in there holding hands one day, wait for someone to point it out and go 'yeah we're dating now' and just act like nothing has changed," Kenny said, "Even if we don't go to the movies or eat out at restaurants- that'd be funny."

"We'll see what happens first," Kyle answered with. He holds his breath for a beat, "Love you, Kenny," There's a veritable depth to the words now.

"Love you, Kyle," Kenny answered with the same as he always has, Kyle just never noticed the subtext. He presses a brief kiss to Kyle's forehead.

-/-/-/-

Stan is the first one too notice that Kyle and Kenny are different. A good different though. They're more synced up on the field, better at silent communication, just predicting each other in general. It definitely benefits the team as a whole for the crime-fighting, but whether or not the development is good for the franchise is a whole other story.

He's the first one to ask around about it too.

"Hey Wendy, Kyle and Kenny-"

"Are acting off? I noticed," Wendy said, cutting Stan short with ease. She glanced up from her phone, "I'm already scouring about for details."

"Anything actually come up?" Stan asked.

Wendy shook her head, "Nope, you'd assume that there'd be something; but most searches are coming up dry."

"Worth a shot," Stan said with a sigh.

"You should go ask Craig, he's pretty close to Kenny," Wendy offered up and before she could finish her sentence Stan was looking for Craig.

He was sitting at his desk as usual, cruddy costume and all.

"Craig whats up with Kyle and Kenny?" Stan asked.

And without skipping a beat Craig answered with, "They're homosexuals, Stan."

"What?" Came Stan's dead response, words hollow and in disbelief.

Craig nodded to the aforementioned duo walking in, "Go ask why they're holding hands."

Stan faltered.

"Listen, if you're afraid I'm right you should've asked out Kyle sooner to avoid it," Craig blatantly accused, the words forced the air from Stan's lungs like a sucker punch.

Now aware that Craig is going to keep mentally gut punching him, Stan just heads on off to Kyle and Kenny. They are indeed holding hands, and Kyle's tail is wrapped around Kenny's thigh, just above his knee.

"Look, you two," Stan began with.

"Yeah man, what's up?" Kyle asked, and he's hiding a grin poorly. He's sure that it adds to the confusion Stan is displaying.

Kenny was right.

This is pretty fucking funny.

"How come you guys are holding hands?" Stan asked quietly.

"Kyle imprinted on me," Kenny said bluntly, "We're dating now."

"How long has this been going on for?" Stan asked.

Kyle shrugged, "A month, we were waiting for you guys to notice."

Craig gives a smug, "Told you so!" from his desk.

"Were you guys betting on what was happening?" Kenny asked, an undertone of a snicker to his voice.

"No, even if we did Craig would've won," Stan said spitefully.

Kyle grins a bit, "No need to be sour man, you can still break the news to Cartman, I'm sure it'll be hysterical to see his reaction."

"Dude. Let's go find Cartman," Kenny said eagerly, he was practically vibrating where he stood. Hes grinning that gap tooth grin, "I need to see his reaction right now."

"Wanna tag along?" Kyle asked, holding out a hand to Stan.

He refrained from taking it, "Totally man."

Craig sidles up beside the three of them, "I got a camera to record it."

[taki118]

IruClarAzz Master Post Part 9

Just collecting all of the cuteness of the Love Trio and adding my commentary. Spoilers ahead very current with the manga but with ch 308 I just HAD to post. (Also warning I may make jabs at the IruAmeri ship here and there just small comparisons showing why I don’t like it as much, no hate but if you don’t like your ship being talked about even slightly negatively probably look away.)

If you didn’t see it Part 1 is here, Part 2 is here, Part 3 here Part 4 here  Part 5 here Part 6 here Part 7 here Part 8 here Bonus here

So Iruma wants to go to super important demon ball but Opera says no after heartbreaker incident so he asked for outside help in persuading them and his choice says a lot

SO he asks Azz, but the thing is Iruma’s mind when he hits this Opera sized wall and thinks about who can rely on. Thing is you gotta wonder why it wasn’t his super capable upperclassman who invited him in the first place, Ameri? put a pin in that

Opera acknowledges Azz abilities and his short comings

Which is why his mom is also watching over them. Now to the question I asked earlier you could say this is the reason however Ameri’s dad is also one of the 13 crowns and if you think from a purely practical standpoint you’d consider the guy who’s basically in charge of the police first wouldn’t you? 

But Iruma asks Azz for help because time and time again Azz has been a consistent place of knowledge and support when he’s in need of help this is where he looks to. You could say “well Ameri’s dad hates Iruma of course he wouldn’t seek him for help” however Iruma never considered Amu that was Azz’s thought he swallowed his pride and asked him mom to help them out. (and if that ain’t love I don’t know what is) So again I ask why Azz? Why did Iruma’s mind immediately go to Azz when it could have just as easily been Ameri? and this is more so if Ameri is the intended love interest wouldn’t you want more reason for the two to interact? Just some food for thought.

Why does this look like boyfriend telling girlfriend he can’t make date night? cause it does

Clara asks to go with them but they know she can’t (side bar I am actually sad we didn’t get a training montage of Clara maybe another time)

Iruma describes the difficulty he had to go through and I just adore how Clara offers comfort

Iruma says that even though its tough he doesnt regret his choice and wants to see things through and aww look at Clara I love how they just let her do this and move to support her.

I hate that we don’t get love trio but of my god the softness of this yeah its totally drawn like a platonic scene yup what are you talking about there’s no romantic implication here.

But they both say how they have been thinking of Clara all this time making her captain of the magitools club for the work of the festival since they can’t be there.

Iruma compliments Clara on how easily she’s able to connect with others, and our girl sure haas come far like cause her development isn’t as flashy people tend to ignore it.

Azz even agrees that she really is the most suitable for this even though he teases her. 

Once more the trio are front and center

Side thing Iruma has a dream of those close to him becoming like kalego but whats interesting is that an Ameri fluff isnt here

Hes actually a little disappointed

So at the ball while Iruma does escort Ameri in the two only dance briefly before being pulled apart by the other grandsons in fact Iruma spends more time dancing with him than her. I think he’s also implying here that Iruma goes both ways which facts dude

Making small talk Iruma is asked about demons he’s close with and he once more first goes to Azz and Clara their descriptions top tier.

It almost looks like Azz is holding his hand

Shit goes down and these two just insync working together

I just find this spreads placement interesting 

And again gotta question why just Iruma and Azz like Iruma I get but once more I need to question if Ameri is usppose to be the love interest why is she not here?

So Kirrio shows up separates Azz from Iruma and as he’s taunting Iruma with the knowledge he has Azz looses it enough to break through the barrier just saying very much a romantic lead move

And thats a hell of a statement (not sure Ameri could handle that if she were to date Iruma just sayin)

Azz asks a very.....normal question again I wonder why it wasn’t Clara along with Azz, also I don’t tend to sniff my friends and notice how they smell.

Kirrio threatens to reveal Iruma’s humanity to Azz and he’s so desperate to keep his secret and tell him and clara (Specifically he wants to tell them) on his terms he’s ready to kill Kirrio

And oh my god you don’t know how happy this made me cause I knew I just knew

It was Clara, and oh I was missing her, to me at least there was Clara sized hole that couldnt be filled when Iruma is just with Azz. But also I’ve noticed this trend of Clara seems to pop up just when she’s needed.

She fills Iruma in on whats happening with the club cause she thought the ball was over and her small words set Iruma back to normal.

She brought him back to normal so much that Kirrio is now disappointed. 

I like the thought that she tells her siblings stories about Iruma and Azz Coughfuturebrotherscough

So after returning and recovering We get our trio back together and oh my god this chapter healed my heart

I like that Clara went to get Azz first before Iruma you can either see this as A: Azzs house is on the way to Irumas from hers, B: she talked to iruma already and wanted to see Azz or C: she wants to keep things even so she got Azz first. No matter what its cute

So this is something I’ve noticed for a while, I’ve seen people question what CLara brings to the trio and this is it. 

Clara out of all of them has the best empathy she sees Iruma and instantly knows something is wrong and so she figures out a way to help him deal with it and Opera understands that

This is what Clara brings to the trio Azz and Iruma are not good at expressing themselves but Clara is 

She turns them into kids and puts them in a place all alone so they can say the things that are bothering them and not feel bad about it. Like both Azz and Ameri either can’t read people the way Clara does or can’t push like she does and Iruma (and Azz) need that. 

Like had she been at the ball the other crown wouldn’t have needed to step up and while she did help its obvious Clara wouldve helped better

Not only does Iruma let it all out Azz does too. 

And Clara gets angry for them and its all so sweet

Iruma confesses that he has a secret he wants to tell them but isn’t ready

Not only do they tell him its ok they both confess they have something their keeping too. (my guesses Azz its his bloodline magic and Claras is something with her wings)

Awwww they proceed to play to their hearts content 

Opera does as asked and sees the bond the three share, and again yeah this is a totally platonic scene. yup just friends snuggling each other and hold hands in a not at all intimate way yup. Anyway I’m dead I needed to do this as soon as I saw it but once more we gotta wait.

[thecoolcatstuff]

Today I will present my thesis on why I think Juleka and Adrien should have been best friends.

1.They have(platonic) chemistry

Most of times good compatibility isnt about characters having the same traits, but having traits that cumpliment eachother. Complementary traits often result in good dynamics, fun to watch. Now, miraculous have some pretty fun character dynamics like Chat/Ladybug, Marinette/Kagami, Adrien/Plagg but I believe Adrien/Juleka has the potential to be one of the best among them. Hear me out.

Adrien is an extroverted person molded by his father into a polite and pristine façade never being allowed out or having indeoendent thoughts.

Juleka is the daughter of a pirate rockstar(Anarka) who was born with all the freedom she could want, but has a shy and introverted personality despite that.

Besides loving the "extrovert adopts introvert" trope, I belive their interaction would be beneficial for their development, with Adrien helping Juleka to come out of her shell by teatching her his dorkish ways and Juleka showing Adrien what freedom really means( I am 100% certain Juleka would convince Adrien to do a Tattoo, paint his hair, pierce his nose or some shit only to flip out Gabriel). They could really understant eachother, help eachoter overcome their fears and give support.

(it is important to say that when I meant they have good chemistry, i do not mean romantic chemistry. Characters of opposite sex are allowed to interact and have good relations without it necessarily meant to be romantic. That is a taboo on animation and would also be pretty cool to chalenge.)

2.Juleka wants to model

Juleka's dream being revealed as someone who wants to model professionally, her having a best friend who is a literal supermodel would be the ideal setup to give her a "in" into the fashion world, and would also give Adrien someone on his corner in the industry, maybe someone to give him advice and support when dealing with the wheight of his schedule, or when being pushed around left and right by Lila or his dad.

3.It would explain things story wise

It was always weird to me how Adrien always shows up at the boat for Kitty Section practice. I mean I guess he is around since Juleka invites the whole class to show up, but its never actually a reason to why HE should show up. People are always wondering "hey where is adrien?" even when other people like Kim or Nathaniel are also not there. Adrien bring juleka's bff would make this more plausible because "cmon he is my bestie where the fuck is he?".

4.Chat Noir and Purple Tigress

The dynamic of Chat Noir and Purple Tigress was cute. Chat being carefree and flirty and Juleka being kind of stiff and awkward and fumbling against his extroverted approach all while being a lowkey girlboss on the side just gave a whole new fun to the dynamic. I can just picture Juleka awkwardly trying to make a cat pun and Chat being lit on fire by it.

5. Adrien might have gotten a home at the boat

Ive seen hundreds of post-hawkmoth defeat fics, and almost all of them we have something in common: Adrien gets adopted by the dupain-chengs and go live with them. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, Sabine and Tom are great and they would definitly help Adrien in a moment of need but the imolications of this... it really striked me odd. living with your girlfriend's parents? Sneaking into her room every night to cuddle at 15 and they being ok with it? really? Thats just weird bro.

Now, Adrien at the boat makes sense. Methinks Anarka would be more the willing to adopt Adrien on the spot. She is carefree, doesnt seem to be caugh up by details and seems to be fairly ok with a bunch of teens hanging around her deck all day. Adrien is a musician and fairly polite, so he checks out all the boxes to be her son. Besides, imagine how Adrien's chacracter would develop given the chance to live freely like Juleka and Luka does. He could develop more his "wild side" and learn how to be more confortable with himself.

6. Get to see Adrien wingmaning Julerose

Now, we all know Adrien Chat Noir is our resident dork in town. However, I feel we dont get to see it much. I imagine him trying to help Juleka woo Rose or giving tips to flirt would be very funny and amusing to see, and give him much more characterization. Besides, Juleka and Rose's relationship would be way more spicy. I mean they are cute but the whole "lowkey supportive gf" thing they always have going on gets stale pretty fast, and dont five much insight on how their relationship is really like. LET THEM FLIRT FOR GODS SAKE!

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 12

I KNEW THIS WAS HOW HIKARI WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT MAHIRU BUT STILL AKJHDFKJH

bitch

ok ok karens a nice! miguel akjhsdf

i love you karennnnn

junna obv in on the supporting gf

OK I COULD IGNORE THEM REVISITING THE OTHER BEACHES BUT GOING BACK TO HOKKAIDO AKJSHDF THAT ISNT A LONG DAY TRIP AKJHF

mahiwu....

mahiru rlly is the best at deciding what she needs to do after her one revue with karen. she def has the mostt.....mmmm perspective? of her own flaws and willingness to deal with them

ohoho

i love sharp n pointed mahiru

also i like that even tho mahiru is getting her revenge on nana she's also like 'we have to do this together'

yeah mahiru's not wrong that nana's own lines as alejandro are ...well maybe not Better than amemiya's but more true to nana's own interpretation

lol movie imagery

GOD. I LOVE MEAN MAHIRU

MAHIRU STRAIGHT UP PICKED NANA UP AND TOSSED HER INTO THE FUCKING OCEAN IM CRYING

oo and amemiya is independently starting over production on her own this time instead of masai dragging her along bc obv. nana lines nana

interesting....the twilight theatre lights didnt kick in on full force yet

soggy

how drenched do you have to be to Still be dripping wet on the way back from hokkaido to tokyo. the shortest trip is like 3 hours by plane. was mahiru just sitting next to her on the flight back dumping water on her periodically. or did they get back to seisho and mahiru picked her up again and dropped her into the pond in the courtyard

soggy nana bursting into the class-b revue akjshdjfh

soggy nana but also in alejandros outfit bursting into it. but oooo an alejandro that KNOWS what his father is doing.....that's very fun

ajkhf i just cannot get over mahiru chucking nana in the ocean

snort

i do kinda like that its making nana go Back to being 'everyone's banana' while mahiru is soundly rejecting the supportive role she's played til now

like nana has always had her fingers in every pie and doin everything to the best of her ability. even if that ability was holding everyone else back

mahiru meanwhile has never truly managed to prioritize Herself. she's gotten better at it. but needs to toss it nana to the side ocean

the fuck is that flavor masai

ah no ghosties this time and yet goddammit let masai finish her thought

mahiru n nana just in the rehearsal room

mahiru's really good at cheerful scariness lol

nana n mahiru practicing way too hard go girlies

butter cheese stew ramen is Not Good apparently

mm i never like how mahiru talks about having to be careful about not overreating when in a role like girl just eat the same u normally do or things will be too big

nana oh my god

tfw u spend 60+ years in a self-inflicted time loop obsessed with One girl

nana dont fall asleep at the table they havent even busted out the sleeping bags

mahiru is Not a model student she was gonna break back into the dorms carrying nana akjfh

nana the fuck you mean 'here' there's NO WAY youve never slept over at school with class b

snort mahiru sibs have to sleep around their big sis like a pack of dogs

futaba on a train? oh and mahiru n maya

ah no wonder the new national trio is together

god fuck dammit image limit

<<part 11 part 13>>

[pokestudentjune]

I haven’t checked in on your blog in a bit, how have things been with the team? :0

Hey ! Welcome back to the blog <3

Also the team has been good! For now, I’ve switched out Jade with my drampa, Bonsai! This is pretty routine stuff actually, I like to give my many pokemon chances to go out with me considering i have quite a few under my name. Overall though, they’re getting along fine :D

Scout and I have been considering practicing mega evolution one more time, though we still have yet to set aside actual time to put it into practice, we’ve been training up like crazy! Mega evolution is more than just work put on the pokemons part, you gotta make sure you’re healthy as well! Both mentally and physically :o

Grim has been a cutie as per usual! Once coming home he had the chance to spend time with my larvesta, Satin. I think he has a crush on her hehe ><

Harlequin has been a great help for stress and emotion management, whenever i get too stressed or overwhelmed, he eats up any bad emotions ! Though, I’ve always personally wondered if having a pokemon eat up your negative emotions all the time was healthy? Y’know because its important to know how to manage your emotions and stuff on your own and not be dependent on a pokemon… but thats just random shower thoughts!

Lotus has heen stuck to my side as per usual, her and Bonsai have been spending a lot of time together— which isnt surprising at all :3c both of them are very laid back and easygoing pokemon, and are super connected with the outdoors on like, an emotional level.

Jasper has been standoffish as per usual, but…! Hes been sweeter lately. Asking for pets in subtle ways. I dont know why, maybe it’s him slowly opening up? Considering his past, this is a great step in the right direction <3

Thats all with the team for now! They’re all enjoying the summer foster island a ton, and are all growing in different ways because of it ><

[steveharrington]

hi sarah! if it’s not too much trouble can you give starter horror recommendations for a guy who feels some trepidation about the genre because i think it’s like, very cool and interesting and have been thinking about writing some horror stories but i’m also the easily frightened type so i was wondering if there’s a way i can ease myself in before working up to the super duper scary stuff?

yes!!! i will try to give you some variety of subgenres/subject matter but if you have like a specific type you’re looking for i can also add more recs based on that! but just in general:

•cloverfield (2008) is one of my all time favs and i think it walks the line of being scary but not like….disturbing. it’s not shield your eyes and grit your teeth type horror, it’s more like adrenaline and putting yourselves in the protagonists shoes and wondering what you would do in their situation. it’s found footage (it may or may not give you motion sickness so if you’re sensitive to rapidly moving camera work maybe watch it on a small screen or skip it) and i get full body chills when i watch it every single time because of how real it feels. despite all that, there’s very little up close shots of the monster and pretty minimal blood/gore.

•scream (1996) due to it being satirical and self-aware, a lot of the scary tense parts are cut by comedic moments and i think that helps a lot. i honestly think the scariest part is the opening sequence, so if you get past that feeling okay you’re probably gonna be fine throughout. there’s definitely injuries and blood but nothing i’d constitute as body horror, and again the movie likes to make little wink wink jokes which makes the tone pretty tame

•the cabin in the woods (2011) basically see above it’s also very self referential and subversive and also just like if you’re interested in horror such an amazing take on the genre, but it’s a little more intense than scream with the gore in certain parts

•poltergeist (1982) is considered a family friendly horror movie and i agree with that assessment <3 the silly little 80s practical effects make it hard to get scared despite the child actors absolutely slaying, and i think as far as horror creatures (villains?) go, ghosts and poltergeists and spirits are pretty chill

•the blair witch project (1999) is very iconic and like laid the groundwork for other found footage films, and luckily it is not very scary until the last like 2 minutes <3 and when it is scary, nothing gory/graphic is shown! for me the real horror of blair witch isnt even the witch, its the thought of being lost in the woods with no way out and the movie is just so realistic that i always start to panic a little on behalf of the characters. some people think its boring though! i dont i love it <3

coherence (2013) is not very well known but its (to me) the coolest fucking movie in the world. i think it has such a brilliant and original premise, and i’d categorize it as horror even though i consulted my mom and she thinks it’s more of a thriller. either way i highly recommend and there’s no blood or gore or anything like.....in your face scary? its more like a sense of dread that builds up over the course of the movie

they live (1988) is john carpenter <3333 and it’s pretty tame compared to other john carpenter movies. it’s horror but it’s also scathing social commentary and kinda action and again it has those 80s special effects so the scary little faces are less scary and more like...party city masks. its also referenced in a surprising number of other things (free guy feat. joe keery for one) and i think its a prime example of how horror can communicate such a wide variety of themes

and you probably already know about this but in case you dont: doesthedogdie.com has a comprehensive crowd-sourced list of potential triggers for every movie. the site does a great job including phobias/triggers that aren’t necessarily common and warning you if a movie has those, so it’s a great resource if you want to avoid certain subjects all together. happy horror watching <3

[darlinguistics]

hey guys happy holidayss~ i know a rambley lil impromptu post-festivities inebriated post isnt very studyblrcore of me but i hope you guys see me not just as a studyblr but as a cool older cousin type, or if youre older than me, then as an angel sent to heal your inner child with nonserious-serious vibes and nihilistic optimism <3

speaking of new years i wonder if i might end up making this blog a bit more langblr-y next semesterrr, i think im about decent enough in korean to feel okay making more content about/in it. or if im not then im gonna start aiming for it more lol!!

im hoping to make my korean studying more consistent and almost mundane or like low pressure, so that instead of cramming and hyperfocusing on it a lot and forgetting my other classes i can just make studying habits part of my routine and a constant so i can have better focus when i work on other things, if that makes sense idk if i explained that well. but i also reallyyyy love learning korean so the hyperfocusing will still happen lol

i really wanna write more this year both personal journaling and practice/hobby journaling for korean plus my academic/intellectual thoughts?? i never like really write those down and i wonder why not. i also want to be off line more and i feel like getting better at irl communications helps that a lot even if its just personal journaling no one else reads. its a good to remind myself that i can articulate myself if i try lol

ooh and i want to become really good at pilates idk, somethings been awoken in me this last month about it, and its been too long since i had a hobby that was physically active like that so i am restless lol. so ig it doesnt have to be pilates if i get bored and try smth else thats cool too

hm what else. idk i just kinda wanna be more expressive yknow, in minor and major ways. i have a lot a of thoughts on this idk. or maybe its an unmasking journey im on. oh shit no im def on a trauma-reprocessing journey i forgot thatll be a doozy lol. but! im growing so much~ did u know that avoiding discomfort is actually not the point of life? and that sometimes good things and right things that have to or should happen, are uncomfy? and that doesnt mean theyre bad or wrong? did you know pain ends and believing yourself to be able to survive painful things is actually so fucking important? im trying to learn those things lately. that tragedies are still worth telling.

alright. ill shut up now ty for humoring me. whether or not you celebrate things this time of year i hope you are comfy, i hope you find moments of peace and joy however small or private, i hope you reach out to people or the universe or whatever it is you need. ive been really grateful for my experieces w this blog this year <3 rest well and take care everyone!

[luniise-kel]

I finished playing YTTD this weekend and would love to hear any of your Headcannons / ideas for this AU! :)

thanks for the ask ^^

ooooh boy i do have a few however it has been like almost year since i played the game (never finished tho TT) so forgive any mistakes i make, i am replaying tho so maybe ill drop another list of hc once i finish ^^

also this au is not a 1:1 ratio, its like vaguely that but also not

oki for starters akiren is the protag, he’s the one being stalked and while hanging out with ryuji gets kidnapped :(

same green key puzzle etc etc

Akiren had his cat mona with him but when he wakes up he realizes the kidnappers took his cat

Futaba is Kanna in this au :3

Sojiro fills the role of Kanna’s sister……so um dead…..rip

Futaba has ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*trauma✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Kamoshida is here and appeared with Ann

Everyone is like Wow sir. you sure are a Mega Creep

Akechi Goro is still an ace detective! A celebrity! and still works under Shido

Shido is also here

Akechi and Shido appeared together and Akechi is trying to not so subtly kill him

during the Russian roulette game in the blue room Akechi is trying to convince everyone that he is Very Good at a gun and No He Does Not Want To Kill Anyone

ofc everyone is like “um look mr. celebrity you tweet about pancakes all day lets let DIFFERENT HIGH SCHOOLER SHOOT ^^”

jk Iwai is there and vouchs that he taught Akiren how to shoot very realistic but fake guns and hes Decent at it

Anyways Akechi is Mega Pissed that he didnt get to “”accidentally”” shoot Shido

during the practice trial (i forgot the name rip. the one in the pink room) akechi tries to convince akiren to vote for Shido and while Shido gets two votes ultimately almost everyone votes for Kamoshida

Akechi watching Kamoshida die: that could have been Shido

Ann watching Kamoshida die: im not sad but i am traumaized

Anyways Ryuji is the replacement for Joe! isnt that great :)

idk who Akechi would be but Futaba def gets manipulated by someone

idk where Yusuke would fit so for now hes just there

everyone, freaking out, becoming traumatized:

Yusuke: holy shit i wonder how this experience can help me find motivation to create ART

during the first trial Akechi is fighting for his life, everyone is like dude u mega sus

During the first trial Ryuji unfortunately leaves with 1.5 gallons less blood (dead rip)

Akiren is also ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*traumatized✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Akiren crying in the bedroom bc hes misses his bestie:

Akechi trying to comfort his crush new friend: my mother died of suicide

Akiren, still bawling his eyes out: cowabummer

anyways thats all of my current headcannons / ideas for this au bc thats also where i stopped playing in my og playthru lol

[creacherkeeper]

hi there, sorry if this is weird to ask? and do not feel obligated to answer this or anything, feel free to delete/ignore or anything. just, i really really love the concept for your haunting rpg? and i've been keeping an eye on the kickstarter, but i don't have the means to contribute rn. with the end coming so soon, i was wondering if there are other ways to support? or maybe what happens if and it doesn't make the goal? sorry if that's weird. i wish you so much luck with the last few days <3

no worries at all anon, i really appreciate this question actually <3

the best thing you can do for the kickstarter is spread the word in whatever ways youre comfortable. i know the subject of the game is pretty sensitive so that can be hard sometimes, but if you can reblog or make a post on tumblr, post on other social medias (like ttrpg subreddits etc), or even just word of mouth tell people you know about it. i genuinely started this with. no mailing list, which is a big no no. just kind of to see how much traction i could get for a project like this. and looking back there's definitely things i would do differently, but the first try is always for practice!

if we don't meet the funding goal, the game will still be published. i will take extra time to study and source all the material that's in the game right now. i wanted another professional set of eyes on it, but i am a social worker myself as well, with a good amount of experience working in trauma care, as well as personal experience with trauma recovery and post traumatic growth, so i feel very confident that even just me working on it myself it is still a game that can help people. i will publish it under the disclaimer that i was the sole member of this team working on it and am only working with my own knowledge and learning. but its a game i really believe in and i want it to get into the hands of the people who need it

i will publish it for sale but i am going to keep community copies (free copies on itch) stocked as much as possible because i think mental health resources need to be more accessible. part of the funding on the kickstarter was paying myself for the dozens of hours i've sunk into this already, but once the game is published this really isnt one that im like. trying to use for profit. this is something i believe in and i want to get into the hands of the people who need it

i hope that answers your questions, but if not feel free to send in another ask or message me privately. im completely open to answering whatever i can about this project or this topic. i really appreciate your interest and i hope you have a lovely day <3

[grapecaseschoices]

hi!! 9, 15 & 18 for Alana & Josnel from the oc asks? <3

9) How easily does your oc make friends? Do they have difficulty talking to new people? Why?

Alana: I think Alana makes acquaintances easier than she makes friends. Or at least close friends. I think outside of the band, most of her friends came through Seven and many left in the aftermath.

Lana is very sweet and pretty so she attracts people to her like flies. Her aesthetic is warm and her vibe is friendly. So even grumpy/jerky souls want to either be near her or see if they can push her buttons. However, she can be easy to take advantage of and she also is the Smile Through The Pain sort. She doesn't want people to worry about her. So that can be hard to form a true connection with, in either direction.

However, though she is a bit on the more reserved/shy side, she is all right with new people because she is determined to be kind.

BJ: Bethany Josnel is kind of the flip. Because he isn't-- it isn't that he would rather not ever talk to new people, but ... he would be okay if it was ... less. He isn't bad about approaching people or people approaching him, but it tends to be yhe other way around. While Seven is why people stuck around for Alana, for Josnel he is why they approached. BJ dresses like a prep meets a college professor off stage and he can come off looking stern.

Though he is very serious and is the Dad Friend, he is responsible and actually rather warm. He has a good head on his shoulders and is MatureTM, so people WANT to have him around. He's also at that age where people around him are starting to value knowing someone like him, where when he was younger it got him teased.

15) What is your oc’s favourite time of day? Why is this? Do they have a daily practice during this time?

BJ: I think though he prefers early morning: because he can wake up early, write, and practice the piano without being disturbed -- I feel he has a soft spot for late afternoon. The sunset time. Maybe he is just partial to the times of day when the suns rays are less intense, but I feel he just finds sunset time to be soothing and relaxing. Especially during spring/early summer and fall. I imagine he goes for walks - when he has the time for it - in his cardigan like the old man he is. Actually, I do wonder if he does make a point to having break time around those hours. It will be interesting to see that interrupted with the show.

Alana: She is also an early riser. But I feel she enjoys 10-11am time. She probably feels like it is a good shopping time and it leads up to lunch. I feel she also she also likes the night time, mostly when it's starry out. NY will be disappointing vecause you can't see the stars but I also feel she will be wowed by the twinkle of the signs and NYC vibrancy at night time.

I imagine she likes to stay up reading or watching films with loved ones. I bet she also has like a creative activity. Not sure what yet. Maybe sewing?

18) How does your oc fare in an emergency situation? Do they panic, do they freeze, do they take charge?

BJ: dad. friend. Man is a walking fanny pack. Where did that water bottle come from? His hands were empty before! Nvm that, takena stick of gum to calm your nerves. He has all the right numbers written down in his wallet AND on his phone, even a few memorized. He has plans! I feel when he meets a situation that doesn't fit his preconceived plans, he gets a bit flustered. But as long as he has someone to care for -- he is okay. The issue is when he's on his own, I imagine ...

Lana: She actually has a rather good head. It is isnt that she doesn't momentarily have moments of Concern - about the situation or her abilities [she is my other V. Insecure babe] - but something just take over her. She doesn't let it control her in yhe moment. Maybe its part of that suppress so others don't worry thing. She doesn't take charge but she cab if she has to; more so as she grows more confident. She is here to be a clear headed follower and support.

Thanks for the ask hun 🥰

[horce-divorce]

I have hard boundaries for myself about how I use social media that I've followed for the last few years. Ever since I briefly left tumblr and tried twitter, I took so much psychic damage from that experience that I had to make new rules about how I use the internet. Setting app timers did nothing for me, so I compromised: im allowed to use social media daily to my heart's content (which I found isnt actually all that much)- as long as isn't the FIRST thing I open when I wake up.

For YEARS it was my habit to crack open my eyes and click into FB or Twitter or Insta before I even got out of bed. It was like this compulsive Need to Know What's Going On Out There. what did I miss while I was asleep? Never much, but always some new drama, some new political blunder, some new Person of the Day everyone was dunking on. I hated it, but I COULDN'T stop. I physically couldn't resist.

So lately I've tried to replace that habit with, just, something else. Anytime I feel the urge to click into social media, I try using another app instead. Usually it's a game (dvc has been great for me bc of the social feature, but just as often I'll open up my coloring book, wordscapes, or any other game that keeps me busy for 2 seconds and fulfills the "click button get dopamine" urge). Especially first thing in the morning. My brain needs a solid 2-3 hours of consciousness before I can handle social media.

A cool life hack I learned recently is that it's easier to get up in the morning if you do something you actually LIKE to do first thing in the day. it's done wonders for my mental health. I went from "ugh, morning again? It was literally morning yesterday," to feeling like Spongebob hopping out of bed going "IM READY!" every day. Clicking into social media was NOT something I was doing because I liked it. Gaming is something I do because I love it. I love checking on my dragons, it makes me feel HAPPY to have looked at them, i make new friends playing games bc we already have something in common (ive rarely made new friends on social media. I used to make friends ALL THE TIME playing games like neopets, roleplaying and posting on forums, and building little websites and things- ive even made a bunch of friends on tumblr. Never on FB, though). It's a world of difference getting up and checking on my animal crossing villagers, who fill me with glee and delight, vs looking at FB first thing in the morning and feeling bitter about all the people I know who aren't paying attention to me.

So anyway, this has worked SHOCKINGLY well for me? Usually just clicking another app and looking at it for a minute fulfills the urge to have clicked the FB button, or whatever, which then goes away- and I have sated my craving without pissing myself off, and without creating additional urges by going on social media. I have been using social media SO MUCH LESS since I started doing this and I've been feeling amazing for it. And it's not always games. I also use more practical apps like Bearable and Habitica. Sometimes I'll even click thru my photos or notes instead of clicking the social app.

This morning, I broke my habit. For the first time in weeks or maybe even months, I woke up and clicked FB and Insta first thing. I shared a post or two lately and I was hoping my friends had seen it, but I knew they hadn't even before I looked. 2 likes, no comments. I clicked into Instagram and saw a Reel from Kevin James Thornton, a comedian and whole media personality who has over 600k follows on Instagram alone, pleading with his existing fans to choose to check up on him and to sign up for his email list instead, because the algorithm only wants to hook new followers. The 600k existing ones aren't good enough. Gotta have that exponential growth or else our shareholders will be very cross with us!

I realized this morning what it is about FB that makes me so irate, the thing that creates additional urges to post my whole ass and pick fights and be as annoying as possible: because I hate feeling like I'm being ignored. And this is a feeling social media manufactures for you CONSTANTLY. You log on and ONLY see posts that are already popular, posts that are already "getting engagement." Everyone else is clearly online commenting and interacting with all this other stuff except for yours. Why aren't you good enough? Don't they like YOUR posts? Why are they ignoring you? What did you do wrong?

You can KNOW wholeheartedly that Facebook gives incentives to certain posts/posters and that it does the opposite with certain topics, especially socio-political ones. You can know that it's the algorithm refusing to show your posts, and not your friends ignoring you. But still, you have a page, people know how to find you- can't they come to your page to check? Did they forget you exist? Do they just not care? You can SEE they're online, and they can see YOU'RE online, so what's not clicking???

In me, at least, this WILDLY increases the urge to post something dramatic, incendiary, or outrageous just to get a response. OH, you guys don't like me when im being polite and quiet? You'll really hate me when I decide to be annoying on purpose!

Which then increases engagement, providing you with positive reinforcement for posting "controvertial" things, starting fights, posts that provoke people into responding... If you wont choose to interact with my posts? Fine. I'll make the urge fucking irresistible. A positive reinforcement for fighting and doing other unpleasant things we don't like, and supposedly don't want to use social media for, and yet.

It's not merely that posting misinformation and getting in fights is profitable to these platforms. Why is it profitable? Because the more you engage with (read: fight) random strangers, the more other, new people are also exposed to your inflammatory conversations, which in turn sparks a response in them, and so and so forth.

If we all just gained 600k followers and then stopped, and we all saw every update they made, and we all just hung out in our own corners and minded our own business? Sure, that would be lucrative for the creators with all those followers, but Instagram wouldn't be experiencing exponential growth- they need MORE new users, MORE old users spending MORE time on the app, following MORE people, leaving MORE comments, SEEING MORE ADS, because they need more and more and more for their shareholders. Influences are the product just as much as regular users.

I'm thinking about that post that talks about how, as income inequality gets worse and the middle class shrinks, advertising gets more and more aggressive, despite people's ability to spend shrinking with each new day. This feels similar somehow? Like, people are starting to get wise to the fact that social media makes us feel like crap, and that the excuse of "I have to use it to stay connected to everyone else" falls flat when you're not actually connecting with those people. Even as the internet continues to shrink, more and more people are getting fed up with social media and using it less, or leaving outright, because it's becoming less and less usable, more ad-ridden than ever. And yet it reinforces the need for those platforms to get more aggressive, to bring in more users to replace the ones they're losing. It's a never ending cycle of "we have to cause you psychic damage! in the interest of roping in more people to damage psychically :)" and we all know we're doing it, and we all hate them for it, and yet we can't stop.

Once again I have to mention that absolutely fucking BIZARRE interaction my bf had the other day. Someone he knew "liked" a comment that was spreading misinformation and a very anti-treatment sentiment about DBT. He messaged this friend privately to ask if they really thought that. They told him, "I dont know what DBT is. I just click 'like' on any comment someone I think is cool makes." When my bf pressed them further, along the lines of, "why would you do that?" They said "for engagement." This was not an influencer, this is not a brand or a page or a business account they were using. It was a personal account w a few hundred friends. I just CANNOT get over this. Clicking buttons just because they're there, "for engagement" lmao. Engagement for whom, my good bitch? They might be interacting with your posts, but this is not "your" platform. The engagement isn't for you, sweaty. But ok.

I dont have a conclusion or any suggestions here. Just an observation. What a fucking mess. Social media demanded that we all make ourselves available 24/7, trained us to React instead of to care, convinced us all that we are each some kind of personal brand that requires social marketing to maintain, got us to pick fights with each other constantly as a result, made the internet a miserable place to be, and we have thanked them for the privilege.

Anyway. No more letting the algorithm tell you what to care about today. Contact me thru a series of intricate rituals or not at all. If it's really that important you can send me a Neomail 👍

[toerrishumansodontbeone]

.

Everywhere else seems too shameful to share(though I did anyway) & elaborate on, because those places are full of legitimate knowledgeable pros/artists, but uhhhh,

so I think I want to become a tattoo artist?

But seeing as I am the person that I am, living in the place that I am, knowing the language as badly as I do and having the anxiety that I do that makes it appear even more basic, I don't think I really can go the traditional route of studio apprenticeships.

And the loud majority of studio tattooers will of course tell you to never ever how even dare you try to do ANY tattooing on your own!!!! To the point of actively discouraging even buying a machine at all, even just for practice skins. Just draw a lot and go spend 1-3 years in an unpaid grueling apprenticeship where maybe they'll let u do something in a year or so uwu (tho there are also ppl fighting the gatekeeping) ( n some apprentices Ive seen whove started doing serious practice within a few months)

But yea so,,, thats why tbh it feels embarrassing to even mention me wanting to, even though on the other hand thats also.... the way to put any sort of attention on you, to garner interest from prospective mentors and amass future clients....... but also god its nerve wrecking thinking some local pro is looking at my stuff with disdain and mockery.

It just sucks how much language is a barrier for me. I'm not confident enough to just barge in talking in english even if they prob know the language fine enough.

Ontop of that its kinda sad I had all this sustained motivation for several days in a row but then I made the mistake of posting some little designs online. Because I was excited about it I of course expected excitement back. A response! A showering of praise and acceptance!

But the need for social validation is a poisonous pit and it never gives back quite what you give it. I knew it would not give me the validation and would ruin things and make me doubt myself and still I was hopeful and wanted it to be different and maybe a little bit more like the old times,,,

Its so hard to keep up my own confidence, as essential as it is to human psychology. I cant even create those little wins to sustain any real growth in myself. I just keep regressing and becoming worse. Im a hermit but one that doesnt even have any real community to turn to even online..........ughhhhhhh.

This is a very unstructured ramble, but its felt so fruitless having all these thoughts clogging my brain and nobody to talk to about them.

I dont know. Now I suddenly got back into writing and making more significant progress on my story/possibly novella.

and inbetween I thought more and more of how tattoo artist is the antithesis of me. I cannot pull my own clients, I cannot talk to people and make them want to keep coming back for my company, I could not do the receptionist duties for an apprenticeship, I do not even have an appropriate space to tattoo if it ever came to that AND renting even v small offices is stupid expensive at first glance. So I could not start doing that without already having a steady stream of clients.

Tattooing feels like a level of responsibility I could handle, it feels like it would be an interesting new craft to explore, w techniques to master, a different kind of self expression........ but thats all idyllic theory. No career path really fits me and it comes back down again to me being so unable to change my social ineptitude. Its such a waste how I had some modicum of comfort and progress in that sphere my last few years in Latvia,, and it fell apart just because it was so unsustainable financially......... N now that Ive been comfortably settled for a while in austria, just being financially stable and comfortable isnt enough...

Insanely Ive been wondering if the economy has evened out some in LV that I could come back.......but theres no way I would even physically *survive* through some unpaid apprenticeship there.....