#malec angst

[sky-neverending]

read and kudos it here

warning: MCD (not graphic)

Alec wasn’t able to scream before he hit the ground. He felt the moment the blade lodged itself into his side, piercing through the skin. He felt his balance slipping from him, the rocks under his feet sending him onto his stomach. But no words left his mouth, not until it was too late. 

Magnus must have noticed the sound of footsteps behind him grow quieter, because he shouted as he got further and further away. “Run!” he yelled, looking over his shoulder. 

He froze. And the next thing Alec knew, everything around him was exploding, and the person chasing them screamed in agony. 

As Magnus ran toward him, the uncontrollable gleam of his cat-eyes faded from the exertion of his power moments before. “Alexander,” he called, falling to his knees. “Alec, are you alright?”

Alec wanted to lie. He wanted to say that he was fine, that all was well. But he couldn’t. “No,” he choked out instead, hissing as the wind blew across the area he was injured. “Help.”

Magnus furrowed his eyebrows, raising his hands above Alec’s body to try and heal the wound quickly. But the more he tried, the worse it got, and Alex shrieked in pain. 

“I-” Magnus began, tears forming in his eyes. “I'm so sorry, Alec. It seems the blade was laced with some sort of poison.” Pausing, he placed a gentle hand on Alec’s cheek, lifting his head upwards. “I… I don’t know if I can do anything in time.”

With a nod, Alec sniffed. “Hey, Magnus?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” 

The words felt bitter on his tongue, not because he didn’t mean them, but because this was the way he had to confess his feelings. Bleeding on a pile of pebbles, poison slowly killing him from the inside out. 

Magnus shook his head. “Don’t say that,” he said. “I’m going to get you help.” He started to pull away, to stand up and look around for anything that could be useful. 

But Alec only pressed his lips together, weakly pulling Magnus back toward him. “I love you,” he repeated. 

Fully crying now, Magnus looked frantic. “No. No, I won’t lose you.”

“Just give up, Magnus.” 

“I won’t,” the warlock sobbed. “I won’t let you leave me.”

Alec frowned. “Do you love me?”

There was a pause. “Of course I love you.” Magnus said softly. 

Nodding, Alec pulled himself upward, lacing his fingers together behind Magnus’s neck. “Then let me go.”

And Magnus did, hand brushing over Alec’s cheek to give him a painless death. “I love you so much, Alexander.” 

Alec died with a smile on his lips, holding the words close to his chest.

[dani-dabbles]

The Difficult Task (a Malec fic)

READ ON AO3

It is easy to go down into hell; night and day the gates of dark death stand wide; but to climb back up again, to retrace one's steps to the open air; there lies the problem, the difficult task.

Virgil, The Aeneid

[ NOW ]

He shouldn’t have noticed it. This crumbling, burnt piece of paper he now held in his hand.

Magnus had breezed into his love’s office via portal hoping to find him and drag him away from reports long enough to escape to the Napa Valley for dinner at one of their favorite wineries. But the office was oddly silent except for the soft but consistent pinging of message notifications coming from the tablet on Alec’s desk - sure sign that Alec did indeed need a break from a job that never gives him adequate rest. Now if he could only find the man that was noticeably absent.

Doing a final cursory sweep of the room before seeking out his dashing Shadowhunter, Magnus had noticed the paper at the edge of the fireplace, slightly smoldering. He had only meant to move it to prevent a fire hazard but that was before he saw the words written hastily across its surface that gave him pause. The blackened edges and minor holes did little to censor its content.

Just like the Clave

…come to resent you

…best just isn’t good enough…

why are you still here…

…selfish and naive

embarrassed us all

Followed by repetitive lines of

Not good enough

Not good enough

Not good enough

Not good enough

Not good enough

Until they trailed off in a mess of blotted, smeared ink.

More notifications annoyingly ping from Alec’s desk and Magnus fights the urge to shatter the device with a flick of his wrist. Because fuck the Clave and their ever growing list of demands and pressure on the young Head of the New York Institute. And fuck the Shadowhunter’s standard of perfection, of looking the other goddamned way when one of their own is crumbling under the pressure.

And fuck this ugly piece of paper for taunting him with all the evidence that he is failing his Shadowhunter. Again .

Alec has been so much better these past few months. After the incident back in October. After Magnus had to bring his love back from the brink of utter self-destruction.

He chokes back on the anger and disgust that climbs like sour bile up his throat. His magic responds to his tumultuous emotions as if he’s in physical danger. Blue flames flicker and jump down his arms ready to snap out at any unexpected threat.

Magnus resists the urge to throw the damned thing back in the fire and let the heat destroy every accursed word. But now is not the time for a magical fit of rage.

Instead he tucks the paper into his pocket.

A reminder.

A promise.

But right now he needs to find Alexander.

Magnus flicks his hand and the office door explodes open banging against the wall. Paintings fall but Magnus is already down the hall before they hit the floor.

///////////////////////////////////////

[ LAST OCTOBER ]

He needs you.

The text comes through and Magnus doesn’t hesitate. He immediately stands from his seat, one hand already flicking to open a portal, “I’m sorry. I must go.”

In different circumstances, Magnus might be more bothered at his lack of manners abruptly leaving a meeting with other High Warlocks without explanation. But there is not a universe in existance where those ten letters won’t take precedence over everything else.

Seconds later the portal snaps closed behind him and the silence of the New York Institute greets him. Standing in the middle of the ops center, Magnus feels like the only soul in the building. Tracks of ichor in various boot tread patterns stain the typically pristine floors, angelic weapons are strewn about as if dropped and forgotten, and the only light comes from the monitors glowing with various maps and statistics. Magnus decides right then he’d have rather entered into chaos with alarms sounding and Shadowhunters running about.

Because this silence holds the weight of tragedies already past.

“Oh thank the angel you’re here.”

The soft words have barely made it to his ears before arms are thrown around him from behind.

Magnus detaches the rune marked arms from his torso just long enough to turn around and better embrace Isabelle Lightwood.

“Where is he?”

Isabelle sniffles, her face still firmly pressed against Magnus’ chest. “The roof.”

They give each other a quick squeeze of comfort and understanding, but either want him to linger. Magnus needs to find Alexander. Quickly

The autumn wind is harsher on the Institute’s roof, spearing sharply through the material of Magnus’ wool coat. Even though dawn is fast approaching, the roof of the Institute is a shadowed haven for his reclusive archer. But like a moth to a flame, Magnus zeroes in on the lone figure sitting precariously on the ledge, so close the slightest movement could tip them over the edge.

He approaches cautiously but with heavy footfalls so his presence is known.

“Alexander?”

The already taunt shoulders, tighten even more. It's the only reaction to indicate Alec heard him.

Now at the edge with him, Magnus slowly lowers himself to sit next to Alexander, his movements slow and unhurried because of the fight or flight energy radiating from the distressed man. They have been here before. Magnus knows Alexander well enough to know that when he is overwhelmed or upset he will either lash out or refuse to acknowledge the issue all together. Both are fine by Magnus. He can withstand a potential verbal onslaught if that’s what Alec needs, and he can just as easily sit here all night offering his company in silence.

Alec doesn’t look over or acknowledge Magnus. Instead, the Head of the New York Institute sits, hunched over his lap, limbs slightly trembling. Magnus can tell his hands are working against one another, digging, pinching at one another - a terrible tick that Magnus made note of a long time ago. So he asks, “Darling, what can I do? What do you need?” There was no use in asking him if he’s okay or if something was wrong, because the answer to both questions was glaringly obvious.

Alec only offers a subtle shake of his head.

Magnus can’t hold himself back any longer. The desperate need to comfort his lover has him prying the man’s hands from where they are fidgeting in his lap. It's not until he is interlacing his left hand with Alec’s right that he notices the wetness of their grip.

He holds Alec’s hand up for closer inspection.

Blood.

In the limited light of the night it looks black against Alec’s alabaster skin as it coats his hand and trails down his wrist beyond the sleeves of his leather jacket.

Still not looking at Magnus, Alec whispers, “I’m fine.”

Magnus turns the hand and finds a deep wound across Alec’s palm. A horrific cut slices diagonally from finger to wrist, edges ragged and torn. The tendons are exposed and quite possibly damaged but Magnus can’t tell through the mess of dark blood which still sluggishly pulses from the wound.

An iratze. That is Magnus’ first thought. He should have used an iratze rune by now. But why-

Magnus knows why. He knows Alec’s ways of coping. Throwing punches at the bag in the gym until his knuckles bleed. Letting arrows fly until blood trails between his fingers. Staying awake for over 36 hours because he has to do whatever task the Clave has assigned him to perfection.

But this it's different. This isn’t a superficial wound that can be easily remedied. This could be debilitating. The mobility of his dominant hand is at risk.

This borders on self-inflicted torture.

With dawning horror and an overwhelming need to be sick, Magnus reaches for Alec’s left hand still hidden in his lap. Alec flinches and ducks lower like he’s trying to fold up on himself and disappear entirely.

Magnus chokes back the bile as he sees blood coating his lover’s fingertips and thumb.

The image of Alec digging into the wound of his right hand is so vivid and horrific in Magnus’s mind that he has to look away for a moment. He shuts his eyes against the truth of the situation he’s found his Shadowhunter in.

When he looks back to Alexander, he sees the city lights reflect off the teardrops falling from the man’s down turned face onto his black clothes.

Magnus can’t disguise his own pain, woundedly saying, “Alexander-”

“It’s never enough, you know, I- I am never enough.”

Alec’s confession slips into the dark night and strikes Magnus in the gut stealing the oxygen from his lungs, rendering him speechless.

Because the thought of Alec thinking he is not enough is the most ludicrous idea Magnus has ever heard. Because to Magnus, Alexander is everything. Magnus would never even say Alec was enough for him. That would imply that he met the most minimal of Magnus’ standards. In truth, Alexander exceeded every quality, every standard Magnus had ever looked for in another soul. Hundreds of years and thousands of lovers but it's this man next to him who finally fits perfectly. Alec isn’t just enough for him, Magnus is fairly certain his heart had to expand to even attempt to contain his love for this man.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood would always be incredibly and exceedingly more than just “enough.”

Magnus is finally shaking off his shock and finding the wits to tell Alec exactly this when Alec croaks out, broken and small, “I- I didn’t save them. They all died- died because I wasn’t good enough, Magnus. I failed them all. Me. Magnus. There are children dead because of me .”

Magnus wants to press and ask what exactly happened tonight but his immediate concern is the short, quickened breaths Alec is now struggling to take. His lungs appear to exert themselves trying to take in even the smallest amount of air.

“Alexander, hey. Hey, look at me.” Magnus ducks to catch his eye and is forced to take Alec by the shoulders and make him turn to face him. Magnus places Alec’s blood soaked hand on his chest. He feels the wetness saturate the silk of his shirt, but he doesn’t care. He grabs Alec’s chin to make him look up. “Breathe with me. Match my breathing, darling.” Alec’s eyes are wild and bloodshot, begging for relief; but he does as told and holds Magnus stare. “Please, just breathe. Focus on me, focus on the movement of my chest. Try to match it okay, darling?”

Magnus steadies his own heart rate and evens out his own breathing, exaggerating his efforts in order for Alec to follow his rhythmic inhale and exhale

He quietly instructs, “In, 1,2,3,…Out, 1,2,3…”

Still struggling, Alec shakes his head and stutters through his labored breathing, “If I can't- can’t save and protect them then- then what’s the point? Why am I here?”

“Shhhhh. Breathe darling. Just breathe with me,” Magnus encourages.

“Maybe, maybe…” Alec manages a deep inhale of air before continuing, “maybe I just sh-shouldn’t be here. Maybe that- that would be better.”

It takes several beats before the desolate confession registers with Magnus’ brain. I’m not strong enough, it's his first thought. He is not strong enough to carry the knowledge that his Alexander thinks the world would be better off without him. It is too much. It’s too big a thing. And it threatens to crush Magnus beneath its oppressive weight.

And Alexander, his Alexander, has been bearing the burden of this for Edom knows how long.

He thinks of Alec laughing and smiling just this morning over breakfast and wanders if these thoughts were clamoring around in his head then. If he had only been pretending at happy and content while silently, and totally unbeknownst to Magnus, questioning the value of his existence.

Alec’s confession continues to hang between, an obstructive bubble of tense silence.

Magnus moves to hold Alec’s face in his hands. His fingers smear Alec’s own blood across his cheeks and jaw.

Magnus’ own despair dismantles his typically solid grasp on his glamor. His panic-stricken cat eyes rove hastily over the young face before him, studying it for a visible, tangible wound that he can heal and fix all of this. But it’s not that easy, no matter how much he wishes.

He takes in the pale skin smudged and stained with crimson. The greens and golds of his hazel eyes amplified through the glassiness of gathered tears. The usually pink lips, now pale and downturned. It’s haunting. Beautiful - because Alec can’t be anything other than beautiful to Magnus - but wholly heart shattering. He’ll live with it for as long as he lives. He will never forget the look of his Shadowhunter at his lowest, soul-crushing point. And it will haunt Magnus every day for the rest of his life, wondering what he could have done to prevent them from ending up here.

Magnus finally finds his words, “Listen to me, Alexander, you are more caring than any Shadowhunter I have come across in all my hundreds of years. You wake up every day willing to work yourself to utter exhaustion to protect this city of millions. But you can’t protect everyone, Alexander. They are not all your responsibility. And I know that goes against every thread woven into your character, but you are only one person. That burden does not belong solely on your shoulders. And I will happily condemn anyone who tries to convince you otherwise to the depths of my father’s realm.”

Magnus’ tears finally spill over and his voice becomes broken, bordering on pleading. “Alexander, no world exists that would be improved by your absence. Do you hear me? There are possibly millions of alternate universes beyond this one and I can guarantee you that each and every one is improved by the existence of Alexander Gideon Lightwood in it. So don’t you dare think that we would be better off without you. This world needs you, this city needs you, your family needs you. I need you . We need your compassion, your vision, determination, your smile and your unconditional love. So you can’t leave us, okay?”

Still shaking with the effects of his panic attack, Alec squeezes his eyes shut, his face collapsing in agony. Fresh tears begin to stream. They mix with the blood and cut a red-tinged trail down his face.

Magnus gathers Alexander against him, mindful of the damaged hand now cradled between them. He pulls his love into his lap and manages to maneuver them a little farther from the edge of the roof. Alec sobs broken and gasping against his chest. Magnus holds him tight, rocking them both slightly, his cheek resting on Alec’s head pillowed by his dark hair and comforted by the smell of their sandalwood shampoo. His own tears fall silently.

///////////////////////////////////////

[ NOW ]

Magnus storms through the Institute, radiating anxious don’t dare stop me vibes that has Shadowhunters ducking out of his path.

He turns quickly into the training room to find Clary and Jace sparing.

“Where is he?”

Jace pauses mid-punch to look at Magnus in uncertainty. “Who Alec?” At Magnus’ dangerous look Jace glances at Clary and back before saying, “I- I think he went on a run? Why? What’s the matter?”

“I need to find him.”

Magnus whirls out of the room, Jace still calling after him in confusion.

Magnus strides through the converted church searching. Alec’s bedroom, the roof and the ops center are devoid of Alec as well. Heading toward the entrance, Magnus is preparing himself to track Alexander when the front door opens.

Headphones in and staring down at his phone, Alec meanders through the door dressed in loose training pants, a sweat splotched shirt and running shoes. He looks up and sees Magnus standing there staring at him. A smile breaks across his face, his eyes alight as he exclaims, “Magnus! What are you doing here?”

Magnus continues to blink at him as Alec closes the distance and gives him a quick kiss. “Sorry, I’m all gross. I went for a run. I wish I had known you were coming, I would have stuck around.”

Magnus quickly inspects the man before him, even grabbing for his hands ensuring there are no injuries to his person.

Alec huffs in both amusement and exasperation, “What are you doing?”

“Are you okay?” Magnus can’t disguise his anxiousness.

“I’m fine. What brought this on, babe?”

“I was in your office. I came to surprise you but- but I found this in the fireplace and I got worried.” He pulls the burnt piece of paper from his pocket.

Alec looks down at it and frowns, “Oh. Um. I- I can explain that. But not here, if that’s okay? Let's go back to my office.”

Alec leads Magnus back through the Institute, his hand a comforting, guiding pressure on Magnus lower back.

After the office door clicks shut behind them, Magnus turns abruptly to face Alec. “Are you sure you're okay? You aren’t lying to me?”

Hesitating slightly, Alec nods, “I’m mostly okay. I promise. I had a…moment earlier.”

Magnus continues to give him a worried look.

Alec sighs, “That” he points to the paper still in Magnus’ grip, “is something - a, uh, technique - I read about to deal with you know…” He trails off fully aware that Magnus knows the mental health issues he’s referring to. “I read somewhere on the internet that when you’re having negative thoughts to write them down. Some people then write something positive for each or scratch the words out or physically destroy the paper. I, uh, struggled with the positive thoughts method.” Alec shuffles his feet, looking down and frowning a little. He then looks back up at Magnus and gives him a small side smile, “But mutilating those negatives thought has been surprisingly therapeutic.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I didn’t tell you I was doing it. It feels a little silly so I didn’t want to say anything until I’d tried it a few times.” Alec shrugs. Gesturing at his clothing, “I also read that some sort of exercise can be good. So I try to go for a run afterward as well. If I can fit it into my day, at least.”

Magnus smiles closed-lipped but warm and genuine, “I’m so proud of you, darling.”

Alec rubs at the back of his neck, blushing. “Thanks. I’m- I’m trying, Magnus.”

And Magnus knows that. These past few months Alec has been more vocal about the dark episodes he finds himself in; more forthcoming in expressing his feelings, his fears and his doubts. There are still days when he comes home to the loft with bruised and battered hands, but they are fewer and farther between. And he always allows Magnus to heal and comfort him in those low moments.

Magnus steps up to Alec and pulls him forward by the elbows to kiss him sweet and gentle. After a moment Alec pulls back smiling, fiddling with the newly placed ring on his finger. While it might not be entirely appropriate because of the anxiety it represents, the new habit makes Magnus smile just a bit. Shadows hide in the depths of Alec’s eyes still. But the happiness radiating from the array of brilliant colors diminishes their presence.

Magnus turns toward the fireplace and strides over to it. He drops the scrap of paper back into the ashes and flicks his wrist. Flames engulf it, promptly turning it to dust.

If Alexander doesn’t want to hang onto these words, then neither will Magnus. Because Alec is healing and trying his best to move forward into a less haunted existence. And Magnus doesn’t want to be left behind still clinging onto old burdens. He wants to be right there at Alexander’s side supporting him in his pursuit of a more positive life.

He turns back to Alec, “Hungry?”

Alec laughs, “Starving.”

Without breaking their gaze, Magnus twirls his right hand to open a portal and extends his left hand out to Alec, “Then come along, darling.”

Alec takes Magnus’ hand with a gentle squeeze and follows him through the portal.

[chrasilla]

"fuck you" is basic. "i hope there's a major character death in your favorite ao3 fanfic after 56 chapters and 148k words" is smart. it's possible. it's terrifying.

[alesardesign]

Not so gentle reminder that Alec said this in City of Ashes while he was going to rescue Jace because he thought that since he was gay he wouldn’t deserve to be buried there like other shadowhunters. He probably thought he was going to be buried somewhere at an intersection. Excuse me while I go cry.

[wisefoxluminary]

As someone who loves to get immersed in fanfiction, I always feel drawn towards mlm ships because of the angst they bring to the table. I like male characters who are vulnerable. The way we just see them struggle with their feelings for each other and try to get past their emotional walls is just so compelling to me. It's like taking the red pill from the Matrix but it's two male characters who feel out of place in the narrative of the societal norm they've been put in and how they find that one person that gives them meaning. Men are stubborn when it comes to confessing what they truly want and that makes the drama just hit harder. I like healthy relationships but I want to see m/m relationships who are bad at feelings and who have to go through a boatload of pain before anything gets better. Because that is what paves the way for happiness and love in the future. Call me masochistic but I just love angst and pain with all my heart. I could read fanfics like that for hours and never get bored.

[la-muerta]

this is the nonsense of love || MINDY NETTIFEE

The truth is this: My love for you is the only empire I will ever build. When it falls, as all empires do, my career in empire building will be over. I will retreat to an island. I will dabble in the vacation-hut industry. I will skulk about the private libraries and public parks. I will fold the clean clothes. I will wash the dishes. I will never again dream of having the whole world.

[lawsofchaos1]

Malec Promptlet: Royal AU

Asmodeus is the High King of Edom, a brutal and immoral overlord.

Edom conquered Idris two years ago after a long and protracted war, ended by the public execution of the King and Queen, Robert and Maryse Lightwood.

Alexander Lightwood, the Crown Prince and High General, is spared by Asmodeus, but only with the intention of having him serve as a living symbol of Idris' defeat by becoming the personal servant of Edom's own Crown Prince, Magnus Bane.

Prior to the war's end, Alec was able to send his siblings to safety in a neutral country across the sea, DuMort, even though he had to all but beg his sister and his shield-brother, Jace, to go. Alec had known that they were losing, the magic of Edom too powerful to fight much longer, and he'd played every emotional trick he could to make sure Jace and Izzy left their country and him behind. Max would need both of them with him to survive as a legitimate blood heir of a fallen kingdom.

Alec hadn't expected to survive himself.

But, when Asmodeus demands he bend the knee in the same room as his parent's bodies, Alec understands the trade at hand - his dignity for his remaining people's survival.

It's an easy decision for Alec to make.

The journey from Idris to Edom is hard, but Alec holds fast and eventually they make it to Edom's capital and he is thrown to the mercy of the Crown Prince's household. Every so often Asmodeus trots Alec out for some public humiliation, to prove Edom's superiority in front of visiting rulers wondering whether to take the offered treaty terms or risk negotiation, but for the most part everything is ... fine.

Magnus, as it turns out, is a kind master and Alec has no complaints.

As the seasons turn and begin to repeat, Magnus and Alec grow to be friends, confidantes even, though Alec is never truly able to forget the precariousness of his situation. Magnus desperately wants to be more, but he also knows that Alec doesn't have the power to say no, so he contents himself as they are. 

Magnus dreams of Alec being confident enough in their firm friendship and trust to perhaps want to be together as well, dreams even more secretly of the two of them ruling one day together as fully equal partners.

(Alec refuses to admit, even to himself, that he often dreams of similar tidings.) 

One night, however, Asmodeus calls Alec to serve him in his private rooms with a group of counselors and visiting officials from their southern neighbor. Magnus sadly watches Alec go, knowing exactly why Asmodeus wants Alec tonight of all nights. Negotiation begins tomorrow on a trade treaty, and watching Idris' fallen prince kneel to an enemy king is a powerful reminder of what it can cost to refuse Asmodeus' wishes.

Magnus goes to sleep, wishing futilely he was able to help without making things infinitely worse, hoping Alec will be well and whole in the morning.

It seems like his head has just touched the pillow when Magnus is woken up, suddenly and shockingly, the embers of the previous evening's fire providing just enough light to see by. Jolting up, heart racing, Magnus' mouth drops open to see Alec kneeling prostrate at the side of his bed.

Alec is frantic, broken apologies mixing in with barely intelligible explanations of something Magnus can't even begin to understand, so frantic and terrified is his friend. Magnus doesn't know what to do because Alec is shaking and trembling, and, even in those first days when Alec had thought he was to be executed and his people punished at the first mistake he'd made, he'd never been like this.

Magnus tries to comfort him, making calming sounds and promising that everything will be okay, but Alec doesn't seem to hear him. Alec won't rise and Magnus hates it because this is how servants react to his father, so he slips to his knees at Alec's side.

Thanking all the gods that Alec doesn't flinch at his touch - Magnus doesn't know what he would do if Alec did - the story finally comes tumbling out, Alec still refusing to meet his eyes.

Asmodeus and his retinue had been drunk, but Alec is well enough used to that. The casual slurs and violence they throw his way are what Alec has come to expect when he is called to serve the King.

(Magnus is livid at this unthinking confirmation. Alec is too quiet, too resigned to complain, has never mentioned this to him before - though Magnus had certainly suspected - and Magnus can do nothing but seethe helplessly as Alec mentions it as though it is nothing.)

But something had changed midway through the evening - there'd been a new horror lurking in the glint of Asmodeus' eyes. He'd grabbed Alec the next time he'd been close enough and forced him on his lap, laughing and wondering to the crowd exactly how well the Crown Prince of Idris would warm his bed.

Alec had panicked.

He keeps apologizing to Magnus and Magnus has a sudden, horrified image of Alec having grabbed a knife and slit his father's throat and the two of them having to run to escape charges of attempted regicide (because obviously Magnus isn't letting Alec run away by himself), but Alec keeps going and finally Magnus understands what had happened.

Alec claimed himself to be Magnus' bed slave instead- the only thing the King would have accepted as a reason for Alec to say no. Alec has no rights of his own in Edom. Only if Alec already belonged to Magnus, a possession that would irritate Magnus if someone else used it, could he refuse.

But Asmodeus won't hide this.

Asmodeus will think it hilarious, and Magnus heart stutters in his chest because he can't deny it without condemning Alec to the executioner's block now that it's been said.

Everyone will believe that Magnus cares not for consent and has chosen to use a former Prince and defeated enemy in the basest way possible.

And he cannot deny it.

But Magnus swallows his horror and holds Alec to his chest, running his hand soothingly across Alec's back until the trembling subsides and his exhausted friend is nearly falling asleep in his arms.

Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days of Magnus' life, but he will do anything to spare Alec from his father.

Anything.

[Insert Happy Malec Ending]

[professionalfanatic]

It's been two hundred years since Magnus Bane lost his husband. Two hundred years since he'd lost the love of his life, Alexander Gideon Lightwood.

Magnus stood, looking out at the starry lights of the busy New York City. The streets were brimming with life, and the sounds were deafening as always. The horns of the cars, the screeches of the brakes, the low hum of people talking, they were all just the same as they had been two hundred years ago.

Strange how everything had changed and remained unchanged at the same time.

Magnus cradled his half filled wine glass lovingly. Once upon a time he would have done that to Alec's face, and would have pressed a kiss to his forehead. But now Alec was gone.

He looked down at the letter on the table. He wanted to read it, and throw it away, both at the same time. Magnus closed his eyes, feeling the familiar prickling behind his eyes. He bit his lip hard, almost drawing blood.

Did he have the courage to read the last letter Alec had left him?

Before Alec had died, he'd given Magnus a huge bundle of letters. He'd been on his deathbed at the time, the Brothers having declared that there was nothing they could do to save Alec's life. Alec had smiled at Magnus, and had told him to open the second drawer of his bedside cabinet. Once Magnus had discovered the letters there, Alec had whispered that he hoped the letters to help. And then he had closed his beautiful blue eyes forever, leaving Magnus with a bundle of letters and a lifetime of wonderful memories.

He'd gone, leaving Magnus to grieve for eternity.

Magnus's throat burned, and he inhaled sharply. Alec's death still hurt like a sword stabbed through his heart.

He'd read the first letter, the one with the simple sentence on the envelope saying when you miss me.

He had been missing Alec so much that he had been almost suffocating with the pain. His heart had been aching, as if someone was twisting the invisible knife in his chest. He was almost gasping for breath and he wanted nothing more than to die, to end this numbing pain.

And then he'd read Alec's letter.

" My dear,

My own Magnus, " it had read, "This letter is for you when you miss me. Miss me dreadfully.

Your heart must be wrenching with pain, and it must be difficult for you to breathe. The pain must be intense, and you'd surely be wanting to die, and just end everything. That's what I felt when Jace died.

But, Magnus, I haven't left you. I'm still here, I'm still here with you. And do you know how you could see me? Close your eyes, Magnus, and whisper my name. You'll see me then. Because you see, I didn’t leave you. I'm still alive, in your heart, and in all the memories we made together. "

At the end of the letter Magnus had sobbed his heart out, clutching the letter so hard that it had ripped in half. His heart felt as if it had splintered into a million smithereens.

But he had felt a little better. The ache of not seeing Alec would never go away, but it had lessened. Enough for him to go on living at least.

And the letters had helped. Alec had written one for every occasion.

He'd written one for when Magnus is so angry he wanted to burn the world down. A letter filled with the soothing love which always made Magnus calm down. Magnus thought he heard Alec's soft voice when he read it, easing his boiling anger, just how a lullaby would comfort a toddler.

Alec had written one for when he is so sad that he couldn’t function. When he fell into a black hole and couldn’t find his way out at all. Alec's letter cheered him just the way Alec had always did. How he always reminded him that there were always good things in this world.

And there was another letter. A letter full of reassurance when Magnus depreciated himself, hated everything about his existence. Hated his demon eyes, hated his magic, and felt that no one could ever love a filthy Downworlder like him. Alec swept those misgivings away with his loving and caring letter, just like he'd done when he had been alive.

Another one for the time he'd first smiled after Alec's death. He'd seeked comfort in Alec's letter after feeling unbelievably guilty for enjoying something without Alec. For being happy without his Alec. Being happy after the man he loved died. Alec's letter filled with joy and laughter lighted up Magnus's bleak life.

And so the letters had gone on.

Magnus had read them over the past two centuries, reminding himself again and again as to why he'd fallen in love with the blue eyed Shadowhunter.

But when he'd woken up that morning, he had closed his eyes, and had tried to imagine his Alec, he hadn't been able to. He still lived in his heart, but the image wasn't clear. It was hazy, a sort of warm feeling you keep close to your heart. You remember the gist, but the fine details have faded.

Magnus remembered how Alec had laughed when he was with Jace and Isabelle, but he couldn’t clearly recall how deep his laugh was. He knew Alec smelled wonderful, but what he exactly smelled like, he couldn’t bring to memory. He knew he loved the way Alec kissed him, but he couldn’t remember exactly how Alec did so. Whether he leaned in first, or stroked a thumb across his cheek first. He knew Alec tasted sweet, but like what, he didn’t remember.

And he knew Alec had the bluest eyes possible, bluer than the ocean, than the sky, and even more than his magic, but Magnus couldn’t remember the exact shade.

He had sat on his bed, shocked and shaken to the core, scared that if he would forget these details, small ones, yes, but the ones which made Alec, well, Alec, he'd forget something else. Something important. And, this hurt him more than anything, that Alec would finally fade into a distant memory, a warm and welcome one he'd think only on his hard days.

And Alec, his dear sweet Alec, he knew that this would happen eventually. So he'd left a letter, his very last letter addressed with a simple when you forget the exact shade of my eyes.

Magnus had never really believed that he'd forget Alec's eyes. Their exact colour and shape. He had believed himself to have a better memory, that he'd remember those gems which had attracted him to Alec in the first place. But he'd forgotten. It had taken him two hundred years, but yes. He'd forgotten.

Taking a deep breathe, Magnus took the letter with shaking hands. He ran a light finger over the cursive writing on the envelope, reliving the way Alec looped his ys with a sad smile. He tore open the envelope and pulled the letter out, a much bigger one than the others, and began to read it.

Magnus had expected it to be a letter with sad reproachings. But he was wrong, of course he was wrong. How could he have thought that his Alec would ever even think of hurting him?

Alec's letter was filled with joy, happiness and warmth, just like him. Magnus felt his lips tugging into a teary smile seeing the pictures Alec had enclosed in his letter. The first one they'd taken together as a couple. Alec was clutching Magnus's hand with a determined smile, a glint in those blue eyes of his, challenging anyone who'd dare say anything against him. Magnus had been incredibly proud of Alec, his boyfriend for standing up against all the prejudices of the Nephilium.

The next picture was the one they'd taken in India. The one where Magnus had worn a saree. Alec had laughed so hard that tears had escaped from his eyes. He had looked at Magnus, his blue eyes crinkled and his mouth open in a little gasp. He had looked absolutely stunning, and for the first time in centuries Magnus had felt his heart skip a beat. And that had been the moment he had realised that there was no going back. He'd fallen for this man so hard that he hadn't realised it until he hit rock bottom.

Magnus choked back a sob when he looked at the picture of them cuddling Max together. Alec was holding him close to his chest, caring for their most precious treasure. Max was smiling up at Alec, waving his tiny blue arms. Alec's eyes were filled with the warmth and wonder at seeing Max, their Max, their baby smile at him.

And then all that was left was the last picture. With trembling hands Magnus picked it up and stared at it.

It was a picture of their wedding.

Underneath it, Alec had written one small sentence.

The happiest day of my life.

Magnus stared at it until he couldn’t see clearly,  making him realise that tears were flowing from his eyes.

Alec.

His husband Alec.

Magnus remembered how nervous Alec had been when he'd proposed to him. He had twisted and turned his hands so much that Magnus had been afraid of him actually breaking a bone. He'd bitten his lip, drawing blood, and had let out a series of shaky breaths.

But when he'd finally pushed the question forward, Magnus had searched Alec's eyes, and those blue orbs had shone with nothing but certainty and conviction.

It had taken Magnus less than a second to say yes.

And the wedding, Magnus looked at the picture, looking at how handsome Alec was, wearing a black tuxedo with gold and blue lining. Gold to symbolise Nephilium, and blue for Magnus's warlock lineage.

The wedding of the century, they'd called it. The union of a Nephilium and a Downworlder, of an Angel and Demon, but above all, the union of two souls who loved each other with all their hearts.

As a tear slipped down his cheek, Magnus read the last part of Alec's letter.

And one day, again, you'll fall for someone else. Love someone with that beautiful heart of yours. And that should happen, Magnus. For you're an extraordinary man, and it has always been my greatest privilege and joy to love and to be loved by a man like you. The best gift Raziel ever bestowed on me.

And when you fall for someone else, love another, give them your entire heart. Fall in love again, and again, and never close of your heart.

Don't fear betraying me, love, and never think our story will be forgotten. It shall forever be written in the stars, and most importantly your heart.

I'm happy to have been part of your life, Magnus.

Tear drops decorated the letter when Magnus finished reading. Drawing a trembling breathe in, he collected all the letters Alec had ever left him, and cuddled them to his chest, pretending that it was Alec he was holding close to him. And in a way, he was. Alec had poured his entire soul into those letter.

Of course their story would forever be remembered. Even when Alec faded into a distant memory, a warm yet unreachable one, he'd live forever in Magnus's heart.

After all, how could he forget the man who taught him to love again?

                                                   -----------------

My first ever fanfic! Wrote this when I was obsessed with Malec. Just some thoughts of Magnus after Alec's death. :)

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Hello! For the prompt thing can you write something fluffy about malec and the kids when they went to st barth's in SoBH. I know you have a fic and I love it and I want more of that softness

When The Stars Go Blue is my first ever fic and if it hadn't been that, I would have never discovered my love for writing tbh.

I tried writing the prompt that you asked for but WTSGB seemed complete to me, so instead of that, I wrote a one-shot on a small vacation LB's went to after Mina gets kidnapped (and found) in SOBH.

______________________________________________________________

“If someone interrupts our vacation this time, I am filing for divorce,” Alec mutters as he unpacks his bag.

Magnus being Magnus, unpacked his with the flick of a finger an hour ago. Alec likes to do a few tasks on his own, and so does he wants for the boys which is why he made Rafael and Max unpack their own, glaring at Magnus when he was about to snap his finger.

“On what grounds?” Magnus raises an eyebrow.

“On grounds that my husband is too kind and is always ready to help others,” Alec says seriously.

Magnus chuckles softly, “Those are not valid reasons for divorce.”

“I changed the law for you once. I can do it again,” Alec comments as he places the last of his weapons inside the cupboard.

Strong arms snake around his waist and Alec smiles, leaning against the lithe body. Magnus kisses his neck, making him sigh softly.

“What happened to ‘You wouldn't be the person I fell in love with if you didn't drop everything to help other people’, huh?” Magnus whispers in his ears.

Alec rolls his eyes and turns in Magnus’s arms, “I can stand by it and still be a petty bitch about it.”

The warlock snorts at the words as Alec wraps his arms around his neck. Magnus smiles at him sweetly and asks, “How are you doing, sweetheart?”

He pauses until he hears a loud bang from outside, signalling that Max and Rafael are up to something before replying, “I’m okay. You?”

“I just need them close to me for a few days,” Magnus admits and Alec nods because he gets it—he feels it too.

The need to have Rafe and Max close to them at all times after the Mina incident.

Alec cannot imagine what Jem and Tessa must have gone through when Mina was missing because just the thought of his kids missing has shaken the two of them, which is why, now that Mina is back, Alec took a few days off to be close to his family--away from the shadow world.

“Me too,” Alec whispers against his mouth before closing the distance.

It's a few hours later, he stretches his back slightly, even though what he really wants is to shake his legs which have gone numb because Rafael’s been sitting on them but Alec doesn’t want to move the boy. He can deal with numb legs for his kid.

“Daddy, pick a card,” Rafe whines as Alec keeps pretending to pick a card, only to stick out his tongue to Rafael in the end, who has been trying to show Alec his magic tricks for the past thirty minutes.

“Alright, alright. I will pick out a card,” he picks out a card and hands it to Rafe, who bites his lips as a thoughtful expression covers his face.

“What’s happening here?” Magnus enters the room with Max on top of his shoulders, making weird noises just because he can.

“I am doing magic, Bapak,” Rafael explains. “Like you.”

“Are you as magical as Bapak?” Alec gives Magnus a teasing smile as he asks the question and his husband rolls his eyes with affection.

“No one is as magical as Bapak,” Max comments as he jumps from Magnus’s shoulder onto the couch and Alec’s heart skips as the warlock boy stumbles a little but Magnus catches him easily, rolling him onto the couch, making him giggle.

“Max, careful.”

Magnus tickles Max and the boy lets out a screech, yelling for Alec.

“Daddy, Daddy!!!” Max shouts and jumps on Alec, who groans loudly.

“You two are going to kill me,” He groans. “I’m old.

“You are not even thirty,” Magnus rolls his eyes before a teasing smirk appears on his face and he bends down to whisper close to his husband’s face, “Maybe we should have used a stamina rune this morning.”

Alec’s cheeks turn red and he glares at his husband. “Magnus!”.

“Bapak stop trying to kiss daddy, I am showing him my magic trick,” Rafe reprimands.

Magnus scoffs indignantly, “He was flirting with me first.”

“Daddy is always doing that,” Rafe replies.

Alec just shrugs his shoulder because it's true—he’s always trying to flirt with Magnus.

“Okay, now tell me, what card did I pick?” Alec questioning Rafe seriously.

Rafael hums thoughtfully before he exchanges a look with Magnus. Then, he picks out a card and shows it to Alec.

Eight of spades.

“This.”

Alec chuckles inwardly but pretends to widen his eyes in surprise, “Rafe! How did you do that?”

Rafe’s face lights up and his smile widens, “I can do magic.”

“Rafe can’t do magic,” Max remarks.

“I can. Bapak taught me.”

Alec can see a fight coming from ten miles away so he pulls the brake on it, “Okay, okay. If Rafe says he can do magic, then he can do magic.”

“Like I be a shadowhunter?”

Alec and Magnus exchange a look before nodding, “Yeah. Just like that.”

“Alright, it’s time to for you two monsters to go to bed.”

Rafe and Max might not agree to anything but they both are on the same page when it comes to hating bedtimes.

They groan some more and Alec as usual relents, letting them stay up for another half an hour before eventually putting them to bed.

“So, is it time to use the stamina rune?” Magnus smirks as they get done with the second round, Alec falling onto his chest with a groan.

Alec grins at the words. “I don’t need the stamina rune. I can do this all night,” he says as he bites Magnus’s shoulder, pulling a soft gasp out of him.

“Really now?” Magnus has a mischievous smile on his face. “Let’s do it then.”

He arches a brow at his husband before relenting, “Okay. I might need a stamina rune.”

“I thought so,” Magnus chuckles as he kisses his sweaty hair.

Alec rolls his eyes, turning his so that Magnus can wrap him from behind, pulling him close against his chest. “As if you could have gone another round without some magic.”

“Stamina rune should be considered cheating,” Magnus comments.

“Says the man who is raising our son to be a cheater,” Alec points out. “You think I didn’t see that magic trick of yours.”

“I know you did. And I’m not raising him to be a cheater, I’m raising Rafael to be a con-man,” Magnus jokes lightly.

“Oh. That’s fine then,” Alec chuckles. “Con-man works.”

Magnus snorts and kisses Alec’s lips before snapping his fingers to get them clothed—perks of having children is that they do not have the luxury of sleeping naked.

He threads his fingers with Magnus’s on his stomach and they fall asleep wrapped around each other.

A few hours later, there’s a gentle touch on his shoulder that shakes him from his sleep. Alec runs his eyes gently to find his son looking scared.

“Rafe?”

“Daddy—“

Rafe’s teary-eyed which immediately shakes him out of his sleep.

“Hey, my baby. What’s going on?” Alec asks in the gentlest of voice as he shifts backwards so that Rafe can climb onto the bed with them.

Magnus rouses from his sleep as well and they both try to calm him down.

“Bapak—“ Rafe cries and Alec picks up and places their son between the two of them.

Rafe clutches onto his sweater and sobs against his chest, breaking Alec’s heart a little. He sends a worrying glance across Magnus.

The shadowhunter boy has a history of nightmares and they’re used to it but they happen significantly less now. It’s been a while since he had one.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Magnus whispers in the quiet room.

Rafael hiccups but eventually looks up into his eyes.

“Who took Mina?”

Alec’s eyes widen at the question.

“Rafe—“

“Did you find them?” Rafael asks before turning to Magnus. “Bapak?”

“We don’t know,” Alec replies honestly because Rafael knows more about things than most kids and he doesn't like lying to his son ever.

Rafael looks down with a worried face before hiding his face against Alec’s chest again. Alec cards his fingers through Rafael’s hair in worry.

“Mina is fine now, Rafe. She’s back home with aunt Tessa and uncle Jem and Kit,” Magnus says in a soothing voice. “Is that what you were worried about, love?”

Rafael hesitates before replying, “What if they take me next? Away from you?”

Alec feels a pit deep inside his stomach at the question. It’s a worry that has been plaguing his own mind since Mina’s incident.

To see his baby worried about that makes his heart hurt even more.

He looks up at Magnus in question, hoping for an answer.

Alec sits up and takes Rafael in his arms and Magnus shifts closer to them, a hand around Alec’s back and the other on Rafael’s.

“No one is going to take you away from us, Rafe. We won’t let them,” Alec assures him with utmost sincerity.

Rafe doesn’t look fully satisfied. “What if they still do? I don’t want to be away from you,” he admits in a shy voice.

Magnus brushes Rafe’s hair behind his ears and smiles at him. He takes Rafael’s small hand in his and kisses it softly, “If that ever happens, remember that daddy found you once. He can do it again.”

Alec blushes at the words, at the deep love he feels for the man.

“Rafe, look what I made—“ Max comes running inside their room and jumps on the bed.

“Blueberry, why are you up this late?” Magnus asks the small boy, who doesn’t seem sleepy in the slightest.

“Rafe had a nightmare. So, I made him this,” Max answers.

“Made what?”

Max pushes his hands together, as deep blue magic circles around his hand and a few seconds later, a small blue butterfly appears.

Rafael’s eyes widen as he sees this and a huge grin appears on his face.

“That is wonderful, Blueberry,” Magnus states and kisses the top of Max’s head.

Max pauses for a second before turning to Rafael. “Did Bapak and Daddy made it better?”

Rafael glances at the two of them before nodding.

Alec smiles before placing a soft kiss on Rafael’s nose.

“Come on. Time to sleep or we’re sending you two to stay with Grandma for the rest of the trip.”

“NOOOO.”

[rain-bowxx]

i need specific malec fics i want fics with angst that take place around s01/book 1 when jace and izzy go.around running around with clary leaving bigass mess and alec has to deal with it and him just being sick of it and snapping at them amd trying to make them see reason please please anyone?????

[kasper-tag]

✨It's time for a sneak peek of my new fic!✨

Title: Meow and Forever

Pairing: Malec

Rating: Mature

No archive warnings apply

Word Count: 3,000+ (still writing and editing)

About: post-canon, magical accidents, cats, fluff, comedy, immortality, soft malec

First chapter coming soon! 🖤

[alexanderlightweight]

Malec prompt idea - misunderstanding angst. Probably Magnus thinking Alec is still in love with Jace

Thank you for the prompt! This is angst. There’s some recklessness. Mentions of canon typical: violence, self-harm, and canonical death and events. I hope you like it

—

Magnus loathes Jace with the fervor of a dying realm, and yet Alexander never seems to notice.

When Magnus is returned — has torn himself from Edom — he tries to stifle his instincts, but he fails.

But Alexander never pushes. He stays quiet, but steadfast in encouraging the trust that Magnus also inspires.

It’s hard, sometimes, interpreting the depth of Alexander’s emotions. And often, Magnus wants to ask, but also doesn’t want to hear the answer.

The fallout comes — though he doesn’t know it— when Jace is injured, again.

He’s been increasingly more reckless ever since Clary lost her memories and left, and it’s shown in how often Jace ends up in the infirmary.

Magnus has had a very, very long week and an even longer day and so as he steels himself to become exhausted in his efforts, he wonders bitterly, just who Alec loves more.

He feels both selfish and hollow, because Alexander came to Edom for Magnus, but the part that Camille tore out of him never healed. And it festers and is more painful every time Magnus lets himself wonder just how much his husband loves him.

Magnus reaches out a hand, magic beginning to gather and the magic dissipates as familiar fingers thread through his own.

Alexander is looking up at him, tired, but clearly relieved to see him. The bitterness Magnus feels is both confused and taunted and Magnus swallows down the whirlwind of emotions inside him.

Because Alexander almost looks worse than Jace, who is hooked up to so many tubes and IV’s and is a battered mess of bandages and bruises.

“I need you to do something for me.” Alec says softly, and Magnus sighs internally, but his hand is gentle as he cups Alexander’s face.

“Whatever you need.” Magnus murmurs and hopes he has the strength to follow through.

To his confusion, Alexander doesn’t seem pleased by his promise. If anything he looks more devastated.

“I, Magnus you can— no, okay,” Alec pauses. He swallows heavily and closes his eyes before opening them. His gaze is locked in on Magnus’. “I need you to portal us both back to the loft. Right now. And I need you not to ask questions until you’re done.”

Magnus is, quite frankly, both shocked and a little unnerved. But he pulls himself together and before anything else can surprise him, has them both in the loft. Magnus wanted to take them to their bed, but something tells him this is not a conversation to have in bed.

“What’s going on? Do you need me to go back to heal Jace?” Because Alexander looks like he’s about to break apart and Magnus sits in confusion as Alexander shakes his head.

“He’s healing and has been adequately treated. I called you after he was looked over by a Silent Brother.”

Magnus blinks in surprised confusion and Alexander makes a pained noise as he kneels in front of Magnus rather than sit next to him.

“You called me after Jace was treated?” Magnus doesn’t know why he feels so confused, but he is.

Alexander leans his head on Magnus' knee and plays with the rings on Magnus' hand.

“You know how to heal, but it’s not something your magic specializes in. I knew it exhausted you, but I didn’t realize it was because your magic specializes in other things until I read that baby warlock book to Madzie. If we wanted an emergency healer, we should have been petitioning Catarina and found a backup healer as well. Not that you haven’t done perfectly every time you were called.”

Something inside of him preens a little at the praise. Especially because Alexander is correct, and even though Magnus can heal, the bloodline of Asmodeus was never meant to soothe wounds, only to create them.

Not that Magnus has ever let his father’s legacy stop himself from succeeding the impossible.

“Magnus, you are my husband. You are Jace and Izzy’s brother by bonding. You are the partner of the highest ranked shadowhunter in New York. You are not my siblings or the Institute's personal warlock liaison. And you’re not Jace's personal healer, especially when he’s being so reckless on purpose. That you even deign to heal us is a gift.”

Magnus feels something in him crack open, the things he’s been burying — trying so hard not to upset the balance in the life he and Alexander are building together— flooding out.

Alexander is still talking, so sweetly. Earnest as he holds Magnus hands and Magnus, Magnus loves him so dearly and for once Magnus doesn’t feel like he doesn’t know who Alexander loves more.

“And, and even we really did need you. We would pay both an advanced healing fee and an emergency priority fee! As we should have been doing this entire time.” Alexander heaves in an unsteady, shaky breath and then continues.

“Magnus, do you have any idea how shocked I was when I asked Underhill if our budget for your services needed to be raised and he said there wasn’t one anymore! That it hadn’t been used since you crashed that stupid wedding so eventually they wrote it off!”

Alexander sounds heartbroken and quite frankly, Magnus is both too stunned to soothe him and some hidden part of himself needs to hear this. Magnus needs to hear how upset Alexander is on his behalf, and Magnus knows he deserves to.

“I thought.” And Magnus realizes he doesn’t actually know what he thought. He was so busy chasing Alexander while trying to still protect himself and also trying to figure out how to keep his people alive in back to back terrorism and wars.

“I couldn’t handle losing you.” Magnus finally admits, “and after I drove you away. I became that much more desperate to keep close to you.” Magnus takes a deep breath and then admits, “it’s why I broke so badly when you left me.”

Alexander lets out a wounded noise and kisses Magnus’ knuckles in fervent apology. Magnus is never happy that Alexander is in pain, but it soothes him every time he’s given proof that Alexander broke both their hearts that awful, awful night.

“In my rather ardent courtship of you, I didn’t really focus on anything but using any opportunity to see you. If it meant doing a little work pro-bono—“ and Magnus can’t help the cheeky wink he sends Alexander. It gets him a flustered huff and a pouting glare that disappears as Alexander kisses Magnus knuckles again. “Well, for me your company and well-being has always been my payment. And I considered it time and energy well spent.”

“Like I wasn’t constantly asking for you to come by for the same reason.” His Alexander mutters quietly. Magnus watches red trails up Alexander’s neck and ears and realizes in delight that his shadowhunter is embarrassed.

It’s adorable.

Magnus holds back a delighted titter because that will only pull Alexander into himself. And Magnus is enjoying this sudden honesty and introspection.

Alexander gives Magnus an almost snotty look — the same way he looked when he used to quote “the law is hard but it’s the law”— and continues with, “the difference is that I thought you were being paid at the same time. I didn’t realize the Clave was trying to extort you by pimping me out.”

Magnus can’t help the delighted and shocked laugh he lets out.

Alexander once complained to Magnus about how uncivilized the streets of mundane New York are. Apparently all shadowhunters are meant to have a crash course in the city they're stationed in, so as Head and Commander of the Institute, Alexander had to do research. Which meant finding out about pimps and mundane sex workers.

Before that, Alexander had only ever known about the Seelie, vampire and warlock pleasure houses. Which are completely different and in Alexander’s words at the time, “on an entirely different moral and ethical standard compared to mundanes.”

Every time Alexander and Cat have a little too much wine, they both start disparaging the mundane system and lament how much better it would be if mundanes treated pleasure and sex specialists with the respect they deserved.

So to hear Alexander so frustrated as to compare the situation with the Clave as similar to mundane pimps, was hilarious.

Alexander is smiling at him when Magnus finally gets a hold of himself. But there’s something sad under his smile and Magnus widens his legs and hooks his calves around Alexander’s back, pulling him closer.

“My heart, what’s wrong?”

“I want you to value yourself as much as I do, but then I found out about these things and I realized maybe you don’t know how much you mean to me.”

Magnus’ heart stutters in his chest.

“Alexander.” Is all he can murmur, breathless at the depth of Alexander’s words.

“When Jocelyn died. When I stood there and watched Clary grieve and thought that I’d murdered Jace’s mother. My orphaned parabatai who was given hope and I stole that, orphaning him again. When I could still feel her blood on my hand and the beat of her heart in my palm as we released her soul to Raziel. I didn’t pray to Raziel. I prayed to you.”

Alexander gives a bitter little chuckle and presses harder against where he’s cradled by Magnus’ legs.

“I didn’t even realize it at first. And it’s not an excuse. But it didn’t occur to me how much it could cost you to go to Edom. Because I didn’t think you would risk yourself so greatly, when I needed and wanted you so much.”

Magnus lets the confession rest between the two of them and then he greedily accepts it. Presses Alexander’s words to the still raw bits of himself that never fully healed when he went to Edom… because of Jace, but for Alexander.

“Jace is a part of my soul, Magnus, but he’s not the one who soothes and heals it. And a lot of the time he’s even the one who hurts it. So please, please say no. For yourself, and also for me. Because I’m too selfish, Magnus and we’ve both already given up too much. I lost you because I wasn’t selfish enough, and I never want to make that mistake again.”

Magnus knows how to set boundaries. He just didn’t… because he wanted too much to risk it by being careful.

Letting Alexander in, letting himself fall for a shadowhunter, it’s been the most painful but also the most rewarding, but from the moment Magnus let himself want; it has always been a risk.

But it’s always been a risk that Magnus felt was worth it.

“There is no one among my people that I can guarantee will prioritize both of our wellbeing. Not even in my family. I hate seeing you tired and when you’re in pain, I feel my soul aching, even worse than when I share Jace’s injuries.”

“Part of the reason I’ve never declined healing him, is because I don’t want you in pain.” Magnus tells his husband and he’s given a sad, weary but understanding smile.

“I know. But Jace isn’t going to stop. And I can’t keep letting him manipulate us both into lessening the consequences. I doubt he’s doing it consciously. But either way it’s not helping anyone.” Alexander takes a deep, steadying breath and murmurs. “I blocked our connection through the rune. I won’t feel his pain, and he’ll still heal, just slower than when you healed him.”

Magnus is more than shocked. “I thought you never wanted to block or numb the bond after the… last time.”

Alexander shrugs, a small gesture for the impact of his next words.

“This is hurting you. That’s more important.”

And Magnus. Magnus can’t take it and pulls Alexander up. His husband gasps in surprise and Magnus claims his mouth with a searing kiss.

They can finish the conversation later. Magnus and undoubtedly Alexander will both ensure it. It’s too important to not continue. But what’s also important is Magnus not spending another second not kissing Alexander.

Because Magnus knows now just how important he is to his husband, and he’s never felt more loved, or more powerful.

[lurafita]

Pondering Mini-Malec

AU Malec who met in kindergarten and have been inseparable since. Their relationship is super uncomplicated to boot. No pining, no "He doesn't feel the same way as I do", no misunderstandings that could be easily resolved by just talking to and being honest with each other. Being together and being there for and loving each other is the easiest thing for them. Everything else around them might at times be complicated, but Magnus and Alec never are a problem for each other.

They did long distance during college years, as their different interests were best suited for different universities. They talked on the phone, texted each other, and vistited whenever they could. While it wasn't a great time in their lives, it wasn't a horrible time either. Pretty much every challenge that other couples have to struggle through or are broken apart by, Malec just took in stride and mastered like champs. Their biggest fight was when they were 12. They couldn't decide on the family pet they would later have. Magnus wanted a cat, Alec wanted a dog. The fight lasted 5 minutes, and they compromised to get both.

[chrasilla]

you know it's a good fic when you wish there were fanfics for that fanfic and that there were movie/show adaptations of it 😔

[oriionours]

Ghost Of You

Here's my entry for the Malec discord server's 2023 mini bang !

Firstly, I'd like to thank my beta from the bottom of my heart. Cate, you were incredible. Despite my lack of communication from time to time, you've been exemplary, patient and I've loved every second of working with you.

My artist, Molly, who has done me the honour of illustrating part of this fiction with this magnificent piece of work

Then, a big shout out to the whole team behind this year's mini bang. The Malec discord wouldn't be the same without you.

Finally, thank you all for paying a little attention to this story. I sincerely hope you enjoy it !

I'd like to add that there are currently 4 chapters missing. They'll be arriving later today, I just need to finish rereading them!

Here I'm waking up

Still can't sleep on your side

If I can dream long enough

You'd tell me I'll be just fine

But I know better now

So I drown it out

[carelessflower]

Alec huffed, "You're an idiot."

Magnus felt the weirdest sense of deja vu.

"Is that why you're here with me? Because I'm an idiot?"

"Yes- I mean no, fuck-" Alec hid his face between his palm and then looked down at the place where he was holding Magnus's injured hand in his calloused palm, continuing with his work. "Yes, you're an idiot. And no, that's not the reason, believe it or not, I want to make sure you're okay."

@onetimetwotimesthreetimess @dustandducks place your bet if im gonna finish this (and more importantly what is this lol)