#maybe I was fifteen

[mike-wheeler-hater]

Fun fact

This made me ship Byler and it made me go to Byler tumblr 😀✌🏾

[simonlynch]

"self insert is cringe and bad because its disrespectful towards the source material" blah blah blah oh yeah well it was disrespectful towards ME when the creators didnt add me and my fo having a whirlwind torrid romance culminating in us kissing sloppy style in front of everyone else, so just jot that down for starters

pr*ship c*mship neutral etc dni

[artzy-ari]

Keanu Reeves voicing Shadow

[starmaker-astral]

I JUST REALIZED

HELP

I always had troubles figuring out how the stuttering from Aziraphale could say "I can't-" or whatever and some people made fun how the "aga-" sounded so I just thought it was a weird sound but nvm.

Then I randomly rewatched the last 15 minutes remembering that his look meant "do it again"

BUT NO. NOT JUST HIS LOOK BUT HIS STUTTERING TOO???

"Ag-" AGAIN ???????

AZIRAPHALE WHAT

I CAN HEAR IT NOW

Why am I so late 💀 I saw no one talking about it im confused

[thesherrinfordfacility]

just when i thought i'd watched every frame of this bloody scene and noticed everything that was there to notice -

im putting this as a video because shitty gif quality will not do this justice at all. so aziraphale starts hovering his hands over crowley's back, right? and then as the cut occurs he actually places them on him? well, my dudes, ive slowed it down, and-

in between, crowley gives the tiniest nod. now, this could just be a small micro-movement on dt's part (and honestly? can't blame him, smashing your whole face against someone else's in a demon's vague approximation of a snog probably would mean any actor needs to regain purchase, right)

but im choosing to believe this was a crowley-ism, an acting/narrative choice; that crowley gave aziraphale permission.

[edsbacktattoo]

watching ofmd on streaming and being able to go straight from season 1 to season 2 is so odd to me because the distance between the two doesn’t feel grand enough. like don’t they know what we went through? the months and months of silence. tearing apart bts images for a single pixel of new info. the near-daily clownery. “trailer today? 🤡” like hasn’t anyone told them about the fucking shareholders meeting we sat through? what do you mean i can seamlessly transition from 1x10 to 2x01?? blood sweat and tears went into that break put some respect on her name

[whathorselegs]

Shirase being the one to find and approach Chuuya.

Shirase being the one to shelter Chuuya from the rain.

Shirase being the one who held out his hand to Chuuya.

Shirase literally taking Chuuya under his wing.

Shirase's arm around Chuuya's shoulders being the first warmth and security Chuuya felt in so long.

Shirase was Chuuya's friend once, Shirase took him in, Shirase taught him what it meant to be a Sheep, the cost of being wanted.

And Shirase failed Chuuya.

Shirase is the one who stuck the knife in his back.

I'M GOING TO BE SICK

[sskk-manifesto]

Atsushi Nakajima – Bungou Stray Dogs Season 1 (ŏ _ ŏ ;)

[variousqueerthings]

the appeal for nine and rose for me, is that nine gets to reconnect with the wonders of the universe by seeing it through this young woman's eyes and rose gets to have a fantasy of being taken out of everyday life and see the wonders of the universe, as a simple fairytale/(re)introduction to the world for the audience

the appeal for ten and rose for me, is that they double-down on this premise because it's inevitably going to end and is constantly ticking down to that end throughout this story, and the only way for them to move through life now is to pretend that nothing ever ends which makes them increasingly detached from reality, and is in and of itself a tragedy

the appeal for ten and martha for me, is that ten is spiralling and martha is a doctor to her core, and both of them want to fix everything for everyone else except themselves and so they're mirrors of a similar self-destructive sacrificial drive that makes them orient around each other in an unhealthy coping-mechanism kind of way that martha eventually has to detach herself from, even though there were the wonders...

the appeal for ten and donna for me, is that donna is actually very level-headed, and in many ways very capable, even though she doesn't believe in herself she can make decisions that are healthier than either rose or martha could, and the doctor initially through wanting her to believe in herself forces themself outside of their bubble of despair, which somewhat breaks the cycle of the previous companions (although, not properly until a very long time later)

[kyouka-supremacy]

BSD Official Guidebook Tenkaroku - characters profiles

Profiles from the season 3 guidebook. I heavily relied on automatic translators for this, so if you notice any mistake, please feel free to bring it to my attention. I'll be posting the Japanese original text in reblogs not to make this post too long. Other guidebooks profiles: Shinkaroku; DEAD APPLE; Gongeroku.

Fifteen arc

Osamu Dazai Age: 15 years old Height: 155cm Weight: 51kg Impression when he met Chuuya for the first time: “I'll never feel positively about him again” Places he would like to visit if he went travelling: Famous suicide (by drowning) spots What are the qualities of a “king”?: The ones of people like Mori-san

Chuuya Nakahara Age: 15 years old Height: 150cm Weight: 53kg Impression when he met Dazai for the first time: “There's trash all around” Places he would like to visit if he went travelling: I want to go to a trip overseas with my friends What are the qualities of a “king”?: Being strong

Arthur Rimbaud Age: 27 years old Height: 185cm Weight: 68kg What he believes are his strengths and weaknesses: Strength: having a useful ability / Weaknesses: being sensitive to cold Favourite type: A woman who can warm him up Motto: Always put the mission above everything else Something he wants right now: His lost memories of the past

Canon

Osamu Dazai Something they've been into recently: Showing everyone the footage of Kunikida going insane because of Q's ability Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Since Ranpo-san is here, there can't be a “can't lose to anyone” What they want to overcome: Nothing at all

Atsushi Nakajima Something they've been into recently: Checking the bankbook page with his salary Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: He doesn't have any confidence in himself, so there's no such thing. What they want to overcome: I want to learn to have the common sense of and behave like a member of society.

Kyouka Izumi Something they've been into recently: Research on cooking for Atsushi Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Gratitude towards Atsushi and the Detective Agency What they want to overcome: I want to become less startled by thunders.

Doppo Kunikida Something they've been into recently: Education for the increased number of new employees Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Ability to plan, and passion to carry it out perfectly What they want to overcome: My own imperfections that sometimes prevent me from carrying out my plans

Junichirou Tanizaki Something they've been into recently: Visiting western pastries shops with Naomi Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: I'm embarrassed to say it, but supporting and protecting a certain woman. What they want to overcome: My indecisiveness

Kenji Miyazawa Something they've been into recently: Teaching farming to the members of destroyed gangs Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Love for nature What they want to overcome: I want to be able to use a computer

Ranpo Edogawa Something they've been into recently: Initiating Kyouka to the deliciousness of cheap candies Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: I can't lose to anyone in anything What they want to overcome: I am perfect like I am now

Yukichi Fukuzawa Something they've been into recently: Showing up at a Go club Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Excellence of subordinates What they want to overcome: The mistakes of the assassin from the past

Akiko Yosano Something they've been into recently: Collecting photos of dissected patients' internal organs Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Human body dismemberment skills What they want to overcome: If possible, I want to save patients who have no choice but to die.

Chuuya Nakahara Something they've been into recently: Enriching his wine cellar assortment at home Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Hatred towards Dazai What they want to overcome: When buying a big motorcycle, I want to stop checking whether my feet can touch the ground

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa Something they've been into recently: Searching for Dazai's house Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: I would rather have something that no one can beat. What they want to overcome: My nemesis, the man-tiger.

Ougai Mori Something they've been into recently: Coming up with new strategies to recruit Dazai Something at which they think they can't lose to anyone: Organization management techniques that request rationality and logic What they want to overcome: Buying too many clothes for Elise

Fyodor Dostoyevsky Age: Unknown Height: Unknown Weight: Unknown What he believes are his strengths and weaknesses: Strength: wishing for world happiness / Weakness: low blood pressure Favourite type: He loves all human beings equally Motto: Happiness in this world Something he wants right now: Someone to talk with who has the same brain as him

Katai Tayama Age: 23 years old Height: 175cm Weight: 53kg What he believes are his strengths and weaknesses: Strength: his life is not expensive (no expenses for transportation and socialization) / Weakness: if left to himself, he won't change his clothes Favourite type: A refined, dignified and gentle woman Motto: There are many dangers outside the house Something he wants right now: Faster communication networks

[fearandhatred]

instead of taking the fact that they only showed certain parts of the metatron and aziraphale talking to mean that aziraphale is omitting information. consider that those scenes are there instead to support what aziraphale is saying and prove that he's telling the truth. u feel me

[sentientsky]

fun fact! contrary to popular belief, the “Final Fifteen” is actually a misnomer, considering the fact that it’s consumed the last five fuckign months of my singular, finite life :)

[justplaggin]

— you are you. —

phase 19 raws (source)

[sachart]

Snug as a bug

[foe-paw]

I CAN FIX ANYTHING!

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Q's Relevance and Parallels to Double Black

I had a sudden brainwave of thoughts (read: I only got three hours of sleep last night) and needed to share. I've thought this for awhile but I really think Q will be returning to the series at some point.

First of all, there's just too much ambiguity there and I want to know more about Q in general. What happened to Q to spawn an ability like that? Why does Dazai speak about them like they're the devil incarnate? What was the incident that led to so many Mafia deaths in an effort to lock Q up? Is there any significance to Q's unusual eyes (remember that most characters tend to have fairly normal eyes, and this is a series where the eyes carry symbolic weight)? What's with Q being strung up in this position that is eerily similar to a crucifixion, shortly before Steinbeck has a conversation about God existing but not loving them?

There's a lot there. I've spoken about this before in the meta I did about Dazai's change in approach after the Q chapter, which was genuinely an unexpected event he did not anticipate. But there's something fascinating about the way Chuuya reacts to Q as well. In fact, both Dazai and Chuuya are almost uncharacteristically murderous towards this kid, and that's real interesting, seeing as many aspects of Q mirror aspects of their younger selves.

Now I understand you might be thinking: uncharacteristically murderous? Story, they have both literally killed many, many people before. Yes, but context is important here.

Dazai doesn't have strong violent urges - not even in the Mafia, where he was considered terrifying more so due to his apathy in killing than anything. I can't remember a scene where Dazai is described as radiating bloodlust like Kyouka or Mori. Dazai is scary because of his indifferent hollowness at his worst points. Odasaku was described similarly in Untold Origins - there was no real desire to kill, just a listless cold follow-through. Dazai's sadistic methods, brought up by Higuchi in Chapter 25, are acknowledged as a means to an end, a method, not something done out of any strong desire or enjoyment. So when Dazai makes death threats or appears visibly angered - that's something worth taking note of. For him to make a promise to Q to pluck out their heart - holy shit. That is not typical Dazai behaviour. He doesn't even make that kind of threat towards Fyodor. Whatever happened in the past clearly shook him, enough for this moment to change his approach in the series and send him back to using darker methods again.

As for Chuuya, while he has and does kill quite readily, this is mostly in the heat of a fight. For him to give the go-ahead for murdering an unconscious child - it's unusually cold-blooded for him, and I can't think of another instance where he's down with lethal intent outside of combat and direct orders. I've seen some people talk about his reaction to Dazai suggesting he'll kill Q as proof that he's gotten darker since we saw him last in Stormbringer, from someone who would plead for the lives of the Sheep to be spared ("They're just kids") to being ready and willing to kill a defenseless child. While I think it's likely true that he's gone darker since that point - Chuuya appears to be more cynical in the present as well as having darker eyes with a smaller central pinprick of light than in Fifteen and Stormbringer - that's not the only thing going on here.

Thing is, Chuuya has always been fairly ruthless. He’s a very vengeance oriented character, right down to his fighting style (rebounding attacks and bullets). Hurt him or someone he cares about and he hurts back - and that threat will be destroyed. Parallel to this is how he is seemingly unable to turn his back on people who have helped him. Help him and he will remain loyal and protective even if that person goes on to stab him in the back. He has a very “give and take” mentality. Chuuya operates on the reciprocity principle.

So, about Q, here’s the thing: Q is a part of the Mafia, that's true. But Q has never helped them, only hurt indiscriminately. Mafia philosophy says “protect your own and follow the boss' wishes no matter what”. But Chuuya’s philosophy is saying “neutralize the threat”. And interestingly, Chuuya’s philosophy won here. If Dazai had've killed Q, Chuuya would’ve defied Mori’s orders in favour of his own judgement, which is extra intriguing because it emphasizes Chuuya’s loyalty to the people within the Mafia, not the Mafia as an organization itself. This is in full contrast to people like Tachihara and Hirotsu, who prioritize the organization and orders above all.

And about Q being a child: I don’t think this is such a big change in his character if I'm being honest. Chuuya knows full well how dangerous a child can be - he was that dangerous child. People underestimated him as a teenager and paid for it dearly; do you really think he'd make that same mistake? He also has a very warped view on the responsibilities and ways a child should be treated… while I do believe he probably is protective of those younger than him, he also equally understands that a child can be just as much of a threat as anyone else. For Chuuya, it’s always a matter of what wins out: the person or the threat? In this case, it was the latter.

The thing is, it's interesting the way they react when you look at the way Q eerily parallels aspects of their younger selves - as well as some things that carry over to the present.

Dazai and Q share central themes of control.

Q's mind control ability is actually referenced by Dazai as being essentially the worst kind of ability there is, and I know I've mentioned before how he seems to react poorly to those people who attempt to mentally control others, placing them on a heightened level of danger (think Fyodor, Mori). I don't think I need to get into Dazai's control freak tendencies - and what's more, after Q's introduction, after he says that mind control is the worst kind of ability there is - he ramps up his masterminding and enacts as much control as he can over the proceedings of the events that follow. Q's ability is interesting in the sense that it allows them control over others, implying Q came from a background of little control. I have also hypothesized that Dazai, with his need for situational control, similarly came from a background of little control. It's also likely they both were hurt by others - Q's ability turns any pain inflicted on them back around, giving them a way to fight back, while Dazai can level the playing field of any unfair advantages by nullifying abilities.

Q's small segment in Fifteen is also interesting: they're near completely zoned out, just staring off into the distance without responding to their environment until Dazai gets directly in their face. Then Q suddenly flips a switch and becomes all cheerful and playful. It reminds me of young Dazai's quick switches between faux cheerfulness and emptiness earlier in that same book.

They also both have quite interesting relations to pain. Q wonders why cruel things always hurt them, but Q makes this a foregone conclusion by purposely arranging others to hurt them so they have an excuse to hurt those people back. Q's pain becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: they hate it, but the only means of control they know in interactions with others requires it. Dazai similarly hates pain - his pain loop, however, is more emotional than physical. Dazai feels isolated and alienated from others, but his attempts to exert control require him to distance himself and rely on his mind over all else. He also leans into his inhuman side when it becomes apparent pain is unavoidable (I think often of his reactions throughout Dark Era to Ango's betrayal) - again, this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will not find anything. He will continue to be separate from humanity if this cycle continues. That was why it was imperative that Odasaku break him out of it. Self-sabotage behaviours and unhealthy cycles, physical and emotional, are apparent with these two.

For bonus points: both have injured right arms.

On a more superficial level too, Q and Dazai both have "creepy child" energy, with emphasis on the child part - they are both legitimately disturbing at times but also have moments where they show childlike interest and behaviour. (I encourage people to check out Q's mayoi cards for this - I know it's not super canon or anything but it emphasizes their "kiddishness".)

Also I'm unsure if this is significant, but there's this detail too:

Q has a very unusual right eye with a star in the center. The right eye is also the one Dazai kept covered in the Mafia. Notably also, Q's right eye is frequently obscured by their hair in key scenes.

...Does it mean something? I have no idea. But it's potentially interesting so I thought I'd add it.

Meanwhile, Chuuya and Q share themes of loss of control.

For Q, this is quite obvious. They are literally locked up; imprisoned within the Mafia and unable to exert control over their circumstances. For Chuuya, it's a little more subtle but still present, I believe: I invite people to look at his character song and mayoi (particularly aquarium) for direct references to feelings of being trapped. However, looking at Fifteen and Stormbringer, there are a few mentions of freedom that are intriguing in relation to Chuuya's character. In Fifteen, both Dazai and Shirase mention Chuuya's "freedom"... but this is almost a mockery of what's really going on. A party to celebrate Chuuya's freedom is really an elaborate set up for a trap. Shirase telling Chuuya that he should have the freedom to act on his own wishes is really a cover up for a betrayal. In both instances, Chuuya's freedom is a lie. Stormbringer, at the very least, instates a sense of agency where he at least has the freedom to make choices about his own actions - that's the whole point of his hat; it's a symbol of autonomy (also anti-mind control; more on that in a bit). However, Stormbringer also systematically strips away the start of any alternate path Chuuya could've taken - he cannot be the child he was, he never got to hear the pitch on living in the light. He feels genuine gratitude towards those in the Mafia - they have his back, which is more than he could say before, but at the same time, the Mafia is kind of the last option available there if he wants not to be alone... and Chuuya does not want to be alone. (Seriously. His character song. Please look at it. Also Stormbringer.)

Now, onto their abilities, which also parallel in the sense that they are both used to "get back" at people. Chuuya rebounds attacks - bullets shot at him ricochet back at the people who fired, and Q hurts people who hurt them. There's a very reciprocal relation to the way they use their abilities, and it is absolutely to induce fear and intimidation in others, but there's a key difference. Namely, Chuuya fights only against enemies or people who strike first. Q, on the other hand, intentionally makes "enemies" out of even innocent bystanders just to have a reason to hurt them back. A lot of this is due to Q's misanthropic nature - I doubt Q has ever had a positive bond with another person, and so Q sees the whole world as their enemy - a world which, to them, does not want them in it. Chuuya, on the other hand, has had people who care about him, and he cares about them in turn. He's a bit jaded but he doesn't hate humanity, far from it.

In that sense, Q parallels Verlaine in a sense, right down to being kept in a special secret room in the Mafia, hehe. Though again, there's differences. Verlaine chooses to stay in that room, first of all, while Q doesn't have a choice. Verlaine's angst is internal identity based while Q's is more external situation based. In response to their pain, Verlaine chooses to relinquish control of himself (Brutalization), and Q chooses to have everyone else lose control of themselves (Dogra Magra). Verlaine says "look at how monstrous I am and how I hate and hurt because of it" and Q says "look at how monstrous you all are and how I hate and hurt because of it".

Chuuya is not so far on either extreme that he emulates this - but he could've ended up like Verlaine, and he admits it in Stormbringer. He could've maybe ended up something like Q too, if he'd remained trapped as a lab rat. But see here's the key with Chuuya: his hat makes it so the choice to lose control of himself is his alone, and moreover, that losing control doesn't mean he goes out of control. He trusts that he can lose control for a bit, place it in someone else's hands for awhile before it goes too far. Trusts that the choice to lose himself will be followed by the keeping of a promise to bring him back to himself. Chuuya has bonds, and that's the key difference.

But uh. Going back to parallels... about the scene where Q gets tortured... and the scene where Chuuya gets tortured...

Is this significant...?

...is... is this...

...

.............

Um. I may be delusional. But. Well. *gestures at all of this*

So, where does this leave us? Well, we have Dazai, who sees a manipulative, mind-controlling kid that he calls a "walking disaster", and we have Chuuya, who sees a dangerous ability user that is too big of a potential threat to not be dealt with, so the two decide the best course of action is to kill them about it. The reason Dazai did not follow through is likely a mix of his stated reason (the Mafia cannot harm Dazai so long as he is needed to stop Q), and probably also that he isn't really supposed to be directly killing anymore.

Nice, guys. Really clear and consciously held self-concepts you got there.

Considering everything, it's maddening that all we have on the dynamic between these three is: Q joins in Fifteen at the same time as the other two and is assigned to Dazai since he can stop their ability. Mori doesn't know what it is at that point but assumes whatever it is will be manageable because Dazai can just nullify it. It... clearly wasn't.

I feel like there has to be something here and that we're going to be coming back to it. Q, the old Boss, how Mori got so close as an underground physician in such a short time... there's so much about the Mafia we don't know so I'm assuming the story will shift to focus on these points again... someday. Hopefully.