#maybe i'll post the other stuff later

[6okuto]

i was thinking about oikawa and i just KNOW that he LOVES to be babied. that's just him, yk? like that's totally him and i would love to read about 30 year old professional volleyball player oikawa tooru being babied by his wife

(timeskip, fem!reader) he's just like me fr. i actually wrote something different but there wasn't enough babying so here u go 🥹🙆🏻‍♀️

tooru is one of if not the hardest worker you know, never losing sight of his ambitions and passion. determination lines his veins, and late nights of practice and analysis have seeped into the cartilage between his bones, gluing together what makes tooru oikawa, #17, setter for club athletico san juan.

but it's not oikawa, it's tooru, the boy you met in high school who stumbled down the steps after using a cheesy pick-up line on you and whines when you try to leave his arms for the washroom, who's your husband.

"long day?"

tooru groans and buries himself deeper into the crook of your neck, arms wrapped snug around your middle. he didn't really need to answer—the lit street lights and dim sky outside were answer enough.

holding back a laugh, you comb your fingers through his hair, the familiar scent of jasmine and vanilla dancing its way to you. "proud of you, baby."

your husband's voice is quiet, "thank you."

"you want me to run a bath for you?"

"...maybe later?"

"m'kay. you wanna stay here for a while?"

"yeah." his fingers trace hearts across your back, and when he pouts, you feel it against your skin. "i'm so tired."

pouting too in response, you press a kiss to his head and rub his back. "i know, baby, at least you're home now."

"but then i have to leave you tomorrow."

"and then you come back to me again tomorrow."

"but then i leave again—oh my god, what kind of sick world do we live in?" he whines, letting out a noise that could be described as a choked sob.

and this time, you let yourself laugh. "aw, my poor tooru,"—you cradle his head against you —"the horrors of a job have caught you."

"what if we worked somewhere together?" he lifts his head to look at you.

you raise a brow. "i love you, you're the light of my life, but you are not getting me on that court."

he gapes. "betrayal from my own wife?"

"okay, then come to my job."

"...well—"

"betrayal from my own husband?" you gasp and tooru pouts again—though at this point you're not sure if the original pout ever left to begin with.

it's still just as endearing, and your expression softens. "you'll be fine, 'ru. i'll baby you as much as you want every time you come home."

his pout pulls even more at his lips, and you mirror it. bringing your hands up, you hold his face and squish his cheeks with your words— "i, tooru oikawa, love my wife and my job, and i'm a strong, independent guy who can do anything."

"d'you rilly hafta hol' m'face?"

"it's for the effect and affirmations," you tease, before your amusement softens to something else. "how long are you out tomorrow?"

tooru's jaw drops as much as it can with you holding him in place. "why would you—9 hours!"

and before the dread of leaving you can fully take hold, you kiss his forehead. the apple of his left cheek, the right, then his eyes, his nose, both sides of his jaw, his lips—all with a resounding mwah!

tooru's arms cling tighter, and he leans into each kiss, always chasing your affection though he doesn't have to. you smile at the flush dappled across his face. "see? a kiss for each hour."

he opens his mouth to answer, but then the pout comes back. "each half hour at least. each 15 minutes—"

"tooru." you snort. "what is that, like, 36 kisses?"

"okay, a kiss for each minute."

"babe—"

"you know how hard i train, i know you watched my interview."

and you really don't think you'll make it to 100, much less 500 kisses, but you'll try anyway, even if after the first one, tooru says, "one."

you snicker as you place the next four, and he counts them before pointing out, "you know, kissing your husband is way easier than doing rdl's."

"yes, yes, i know, honey." you softly laugh and press another to the spot between his brows. "i'm not complaining."

he counts again—six, seven, eight, nine—and you remember the determination and patience of oikawa was never separate from tooru, especially not when it came to you.

[gunthermunch]

[Transcript under the cut]

Max: this one? Hugo: you just called it flashy three minutes ago Max: well it is but i’m running out of options, might as well go like this Luna: …i think i wore something similar to prom, actually David: Kids? There’a… young Munch at the door. Max: david you’re kidding David: should i tell him you’re not available? Max: NO- just—hold up UGH

Lucas: hi Max Max: hey Lucas: i was just passing by and- i like your glasses Max: my- ah, shit Lucas: giggles they suit you! Max: do you want something Lucas? you literally never visit Lucas: oh, um. Pierce told me you’re going to prom Max: and you’re going with him Lucas: i wanted to tell you! really! Max: it's okay i uh- i’m… going with Elsa Lucas: oh that's exciting! i guess we're all going now Max: yeah… sigh Lucas- Luna: hii Lucas! up here! Lucas: Luna! hello! Luna: do you want to stay for dinner? Hugo: you’re gonna embarrass him Lucas: ah-! i would love to but i have stuff to do at home, sorry! Max: ACTUALLY YEAH. ME. TOO. Lucas: sorry for the… what's the word. abrupt! visit, Max. Lucas: i wanted to see you at least for a couple of minutes, y’know? Max: mhm Lucas: well… will you be wearing a suit? Max: no Lucas, i'm going like this Lucas: hm! You’d look look cute anyways. Lucas: Bye Max!! Max: i am going to kill myself in front of both of you Hugo: sorry! Luna: i actually wanted him to stay.

[legendofrhythm]

Ok back to splatoon posting yayy

Saw some people doing relationship charts for their agents so I wanted to do one for mine just because I thought it would be fun :) (it's kinda messy but oh well)

First, names and single word descriptions, and then relationship stuff

There's one missing, but it's clearly the most important one of all:

So true, girls

[yukipri]

Thought you'd like to know I rotate The Prime Override around in my head a minimum of three times a week

I know this ask is from months ago, but thank you so much!!

It really truly is an incredible feeling to know that people think about my work, that I've provided enough substance for people to think over. I feel like as someone coming from a heavily art background in fandom, it's just such a refreshing experience to hear people's thoughts and to know that my work means more than a fleeting 5 seconds of "pretty picture"!

I also wanted to let you, specifically, know that I truly adore the comments you leave! (assuming you're the person with the same icon and similar username on AO3!) I do my best to respond to all comments, and I recognize and am so happy to see people who keep coming back. So thank you—for being one of the reasons why I can find the motivation to continue updating!

As of last night, I completed writing Chapter 63, which is the last chapter of the Early War era. Part of me was unsure I'd ever get there, but somehow I did! So again, thank you, to you and all my readers!

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

something a little silly

(he's not actually angry at the "drugs" thing, just busy trying not to die)

oh i almost forgot

transcript of my bad handwriting:

Page 1 Panel 1: 2013, 1:38 pm (sfx: DING DING DING)

Panel 2: 9th period, 1:40 pm

Peter's internal thought bubble: "Oh shit my meds"

Panel 3:

Student 1: Hi, Mr. Parker!

Peter: mm-hm

Panel 4:

Student 1: Mr. Parker? Hello?

(Student 2: Huh?)

Panel 5:

Peter: Hm?

Student 1: What are those, tic tacs?

Student 2: No, he's doing drugs!!! (In class!)

Text pointing to Peter's hand holding his pills says "PTSD medication"

Peter: HKFGH (choking noise)

Page 2:

Panel 1:

Student 1: Are you okay?!

(Student 2: oh fuck)

Peter: COUGH COUGH

Panel 2:

(sfx: WHEEZE)

Peter: It's not DRUGS!

Panel 3, Peter cont.: Well, I mean, it is drugs, but it's prescription—it's medication. OK?

[raiiny-bay]

mission "draw other people's OCs" is going surprisingly well

[veliseraptor]

picture: me, in the grocery store, rocking a little bit to "deliver us" from the prince of egypt soundtrack

[cyellolemon]

Happy tdov look at some of my trans art ^w^

[scoliosisgoblin]

Peter redesign but you can't see it cause of the framing

[longagoitwastuesday]

I'm three interactions away from spreading my Ijichi/Gojo agenda

[medicinemane]

Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them

Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening

It's all I really ask

[iwakuraz]

new oc!!!!! again

[infriga]

I watched a video talking about Returnal and the story, and it got me theorizing again about the story and what it meant because watching someone else summarize the elements and posit their own theory of what happened got my mind churning and cleared a few things up that I was previously unsure about regarding certain aspects of the plot

I could write a lot about how I think the death loop in part represents the cycle of generational trauma and neglect, but this is already going to be long and that part is a bit more obvious in the game anyway so I'll spare you that stuff (for now at least lol).

Anyway, to the meat of it: I like to think that in the secret ending the one who escapes the car and rises to the surface is supposed to be Helios, escaping the cycle of trauma, abandonment, and neglect, because Selene is finally able to confront her own issues and memories and come to terms with being a mother for Helios's sake. It looks like Selene is the one swimming to the surface based on the jacket sleeves, but she says Helios's name as she surfaces, and throughout the story it's implied that the roles of mother and child are interchangeable in the flashbacks and house sequences since it's a cycle that Selene is repeating from her past. Selene is both the mother and the child in this story, and thus symbolically she is also both Theia and Helios. In saving and freeing Helios from the cycle she in turn saves and frees herself. There's even a xenoglyph, the second to last in the game, that says "Helios lies shattered and I must put him back together."

In the secret ending we see that Selene is the one in the astronaut suit which causes the accident. There are 3 test xenoglyphs in the game, the first, tenth, and thousandth tests, which refer to Selene's story alone from the beginning at any translation stage rather than the Sentients, and are much more abstract and fragmented even when fully translated with each segment being accompanied by a question mark. I think the name of these xenoglyphs is referring to how the crash is in a sense a "test" for Selene as a mother.

The final test xenoglyph says "stand turn and flinch? The triggering event?" presumably referring to how Selene as the astronaut triggers the accident, but I think it also refers to how the original accident with her mother when she was a child was in her eyes the triggering event that resulted in her relationship with her mother worsening. The first test xenoglyph also refers to returning to the house (which I think represents her memories) as a "final visitation", while the second glyph refers to witnessing the memory as a "final unbrooked retribution" and the astronaut as a "warning to end the return". They also mention a death without purity behind a broken sun (Helios is likely the "broken sun"), as well as the astronaut dying for the first time, and claims that remembrance of an accident is seeking absolution from the white shadow. So remembrance is both retribution and absolution, as well as a final visitation, and the astronaut dies for the first time behind a broken sun. The astronaut is also a warning to end the return.

My theory: there were two accidents. One where Theia is driving and crashes with Selene but both survive with Theia being permanently disabled while Selene is uninjured, and one where Selene crashes while driving with Helios. It's possible that Selene caused both crashes, the first time by distracting her mother unintentionally, the second time by not paying enough attention to the road and then swerving to avoid a sudden obstacle causing her to drive off the bridge into the river. During the second accident Selene considers abandoning Helios to save herself and escape motherhood which she feels trapped by. In that moment Selene is forced to confront her memories of the original accident which lead to the toxic relationship with her mother which see sees as abandonment as a result of her mother's resentment towards her for living the life Theia wanted by becoming an astronaut. Theia may even have expressed the wish that Selene had died in the crash, or never been born at all, at some point. These memories are painful to address and always have been, but they put into perspective her own treatment and feelings towards Helios and how she's doing to her own child what was once done to her. It serves as a warning of what will happen if she holds on to her own resentment and repeats that toxic cycle of neglect and abandonment, and in confronting that part of herself and her own past she seeks absolution for the ways she's already neglected Helios due to her own hangups and regrets.

The result is Selene undergoing an ego death and subsequent rebirth, letting go of her resentment towards her own mother, her child, and herself, allowing her to save Helios, and thus herself, so they can both escape the sunken car and reach the surface. This ends the "return", ends the loop, ends the cycle, and prevents the destruction of Helios.

The start of the game and each loop where you abandon the ship represents both Theia's abandonment and neglect of Selene following the first crash as well as Selene's neglect and intent to abandon Helios and save herself after the second crash, which culminates in the end of act 1 where she believes she escapes the planet and views the loss of Helios as the price for escape from the trappings of motherhood she feels bound by, which are largely coloured by her feelings towards her own mother. But in the end her thoughts would always return to that moment, she would never forget abandoning Helios and would forever be tormented by those memories alongside her memories of Theia as retribution for what she did, for continuing the cycle of neglect. She will always return to the crash no matter how much time passes. Even if sometimes for a while she's able to leave it behind and convince herself that she's free and happy, in the end she will never escape that moment and will always remember it in an endless loop of madness and suffering, and Helios would continue to lay broken, abandoned and decaying. So she returns to the crash site, both physically and mentally. She falls further into the void of the Abyss, dives deeper into the water, returning to the sunken car at the bottom of the river and seeks absolution through ego death by defeating the creator/destroyer, which represents herself as a reflection of her own mother, and removes the final barrier preventing her from going back for her child. She's no longer abandoning Helios but instead fighting to save Helios. Selene's history and relationship with her mother, represented by the astronaut, is the warning sign for what she's been doing, and what could happen to Helios if she continued, hence why it grants a second chance at life and thus a second chance at preventing the return: it's a wakeup call. And like how the first crash is the triggering event for the deterioration of her relationship with her mother, the second crash is the triggering event for Selene to wake up and change her ways in order to prevent a repeat of the past and end the cycle. Only then does she finally stop abandoning Helios.

[pillowenvelopchair]

Hey guys!! this is just my insane ramble on Still Waters Run Deep that's made by the lovely @un-local. I've had so so sooooo many thoughts about this fic and I decided to try and put it all coherently in a post :)

Probably not a lot of new insights, just many, many rambles

Magdalene analysis and her view on Rogier + some other stuff

Magdalene, at the start of the story, is aimless and refuses to follow any line of Grace, putting off whatever it leads to and going in the opposite direction. Yet Grace is fickle, and it all eventually converges, so she gives in. (aaaand a life-changing partnership ensues)

She wants out of the competition of becoming Elden Lord, and she wants nothing to do with it. Someone else to take lordship is what she wants. Magdalene, in her eyes, is not worthy to take the throne. But Rogier on the other hand…

Rogier is, quite literally, built different. He thinks differently compared to Magdalene (a STR vs INT user difference lol). He’s able to pick out all the details that she would miss. Be able to extrapolate and examine it all and be able to learn from it. Magdalene can't do that.

It's basically:

Rogier: says some fun facts about the most random thing in the room, saying all the history behind it, and what the tiny details could mean Magdalene: yeah, that's a rock.

So instead, she becomes a tool for Rogier to be able to use, because that's the least she can do for him.

“She can already feel the faint grin forming on her lips at the thought. She never wanted to be Elden Lord. She’d finally picked up and followed grace to... to get away, with no idea what it called her to do. When Melina told her where it led her, she felt only dread. But Rogier... To save Those Who Live in Death... Two birds, one stone. She meets his eyes, and doesn’t look away. In them, she doesn’t see pride, or avarice. She doesn't see a man who wants to rule the world. Not at all. The path forward is clear now.” -Chapter 22

For once, she really sees a light from the dark future she sees. She's hopeful that she won't have to take the throne, that Rogier can burden it instead of her. He's worthy in her eyes and because of that, she devotes herself to him with all she can do. (Ah but… I believe Rogier wants her to be Elden Lord? Not sure but her not wanting to be Elden Lord doesn’t quite fit with what he has planned)

Magdalene really holds onto Rogier, and his guidance (a comfort wizard, if you will). And so the idea that he won’t make it… that she’ll be left alone with Grace again, forced to join back into the competition for lordship... It's sickening to her. So she really clings to him, desperate to not be left alone with a destiny that she despises.

Magdalene is always pulled into different directions. Grace pulls her to one but she pulls herself to the opposite one. Fia and D are both on extreme sides of the spectrum on Rogier's survival, and Magdalene is caught right in the middle of it.

But for her, Rogier will survive, he has to survive otherwise... that light, that small hope she has will all fade into obscurity.

Ghosts from the past (Lorens and Ida)

I absolutely love how something, or rather, someone haunts both of them.

Lorens had been the catalyst of all of what Rogier does now. Why he’s so desperate to save those who live in death. He's literally devoted his body and mind to Lorens just to see him alive (maybe Rogier's devoting all of himself to finding a solution to death because he wants it to come back to the old times when it was just him and Lorens in the Rise, or maybe not!! I'm just rambling lol).

Every thought of Lorens is painted with a sort of bittersweetness to it. From Rogier's perspective, at the very least (I'm super curious as to how Lorens would view Rogier but we'll probably never get it because... you know...). He's almost obsessed with him, and it's all pretty unhealthy lol.

Magdalene, who’s haunted by Ida who's probably a sort of lover that hadn't been fully brought to fruition. Different opinions on what they have had made Magdalene leave with (from what I have seen at least, we have scrapes of her, people! I can't wait to see more of Ida though)

Now with Ida... Magdalene absolutely shakes herself out of every thought she has about Ida. Spurning every single thought or imagination she has of that woman.

"Nausea comes in waves. Fever. She can feel delirium taking her—she’s convinced she’s submerged in the very waters of creation, for a while. She vividly feels herself sinking deeper and deeper into a current; cold and dark and inescapable. As it pulls her down, she’s overcome with the instinct to breathe it in— Against her temple she feels a hand, with gentle fingers dragging softly through her hair. Suddenly, every layer of the dream collapses in on itself, and she jolts awake with a gasp.  Here, in Liurnia, she hauls herself up, rubbing at her face. Even the��memory is a shock of cold water to her. She’s a woman haunted." -Chapter 23

(I just really love this part- I can't help it)

I think it's also really interesting how Magdalene leaves Ida due to their differences in what they have (?) while Rogier just absolutely hangs onto Lorens no matter what, despite him being... er... him. Not so sure about his personality with the small flashbacks we get of him but he’s probably not good for Rogier.

In short, Rogier venerates Lorens, while Magdalene absolutely rejects Ida. (Opposites!)

Rogier’s overthinking

Also found it interesting that when Rogier thinks he really thinks. He's a professional overthinker, even in the past

"He thinks of the labyrinthian etiquette, the way he’d triple-check every sentence for a double meaning. The secrets, the ruthless political schemes. It all felt like a spider’s web to him. He’d learned the game, and he played it well, but it had been nothing but paranoia and misery for him. Just like it was for everyone else." -Chapter 17

It's what's kept him alive (Ch. 17), and what's been able to pave the way for his findings Yet, it’s also his curse. He tries to pick out every detail that he can and think of every possible reason or motivation. Every single outcome he just needs to know so that he won't get caught by surprise again. He needs to be in control of the situation, he needs to be the master of the chessboard.

Oh and once this guy spirals, he really spirals. He starts thinking and looking at details, rewinding every single thing, every interaction, and trying to label a reason for every little thing. Yet... something emotional seems to break the surface of the water.

I personally think that he was raised to overthink. He was a noble after all, and he dealt with politics. He truly needed to check, double check, triple check, every single sentence and word in case it would have a double meaning. "He’d learned the game, and he played it well" (Ch. 17) . Getting worse after Lorens' death, being fooled by "Only a cut." (Ch. 25) and seeing the aftermath of it.

He can't not do it because if he doesn't, and he gets surprised it would break him (or at the very least, freak him out).

ALSO!! Rogier hating on "saccharine conversations" (Ch. 17) good lord. This guy cannot be real with anyone. Rogier refuses to show vulnerability because:

1. He was raised like that (the whole attachment theory thing) 2. He will absolutely break if he does

Do you guys remember when Fia tells Magdalene that "dear Rogier began to weep as he spoke" (Ch.14)? Fia saw through Rogier's walls through the cracks and he just absolutely breaks down. (Get yourself a man who, after "embracing" tells you all about this thing he's obsessed about and then cries because of it)

It's a mortifying ordeal, that someone's able to see through the walls you've meticulously put up. It hits something deep within that he’s tried to bury.

Despite the walls he puts up people other than Fia see through them. Magdalene (Ch.7) was able to see through the small cracks that have broken, and Roderika... hoo she really hit a nerve didn’t she? (But it also hit one of her nerves too, Rogier vs Roderika am I right?)

Chapter 17 analysis

Also, while we’re on the topic of Roderika, let's talk about chapter 17! Seems I have a lot to talk about.

I absolutely love this chapter so much, it gives us so much insight into Rogier's backstory and the way he thinks. His noble background really shines through here, with how he acts with Roderika who is a fellow ex-noble too.

"His grin is wide and carefree, but it rather feels like he's baring his teeth.  There’s no room for your pity here." -Chapter 17

This guy cannot accept any sign of sympathy/compassion with anyone. It's all pity to him, and he absolutely hates pity. Once Roderika starts to console him too it sickens him and it makes him bare his teeth like an animal, his baser instinct showing just a little bit.

He’s probably bore his teeth to other nobles in the court, or whatever meetings they have with one another. Small threats that get the message across by a vicious smile, is something he is all too familiar with.

I also think that it's a little bit funny how he gives advice to Roderika but then is also a little bit of a hypocrite about it

“It’s hard, to leave it behind. But the old world will keep its claws in you, if you let it.” -Chapter 17

Rogier while it's not his past life that he's stuck but rather, he is stuck on Lorens. Even though Rogier is no longer Lorens' student, even though Lorens is dead, he still has his claws on Rogier. It's his entire motivation, why he's in a "pathetic" state now. He isn't letting those claws go, he lets them dig deeper within him, and they dig in deep.

“You already have it within you," he says. "They were only trying to bury it.” -Chapter 17

Rogier immediately buries his own emotions in this interaction when Roderika tries to console him lol. Just based off of him being an ex-noble and his whole family thing, it's well established that he is very much used to burying it all down his gullet. I mean, is it really Rogier without emotional suppression?

Also Rogier tends to close off all the matters that relate to what he feels in his dialogue both in game and in SWRD. This guy cannot let out just a slight moment of vulnerability

A Color Theory Thing on my read on Rogier's garb:

Rogier, with his background being grounded in nobility has suppressed his baser desires in exchange for meaningless political schemes that have only brought him misery. Yet after coming to these lands, he finds himself with Lorens.

He wears a Raya Lucarian Robe and it has red on it. It's a sign of baser instincts being shown for once. He has grown an infatuation with Lorens despite being his student.

Yet, Rogier is still mostly blue, and he still suppresses that baser desire that he’s developed, that infatuation for Lorens. He never once builds up the courage to be able to tell Lorens what he feels. He would always bury those feelings down, and as a result he can't let go of it. It's far too deep to be buried back up.

But once Lorens has died, Rogier changes too.

He exchanges those garbs for yellow and turquoise (I think?). He's a mix of colors and beliefs.

He still has the blue in the turquoise, which symbolizes calm, intelligence, and emotional control (you can’t spell Rogier without emotional control) But turquoise isn't just blue, it also has green.

Green represents growth, life, and new beginnings. This is a new beginning for Rogier, who's set out for a new goal, to be able to save those who live in death (and perhaps give them life? Not so sure on that but in SWRD that seems to be the case with Lorens).

It's balanced by yellow. Creativity and originality, he's almost the only person we meet who wants to save TWLID. Not only that but yellow also symbolizes illness, which could be a foreshadowing of what happens to him later in his life.

It's not just sickness though, yellow also symbolizes deception. Rogier lies, but I necessarily think he's someone who is always deceptive. He's more like the type of guy who would lie so that an encounter would go well or not hurt someone else's feelings. I think he's like that from that whole ex-nobility thing he's got going on. Political schemes and lying through a smile is something that he's familiar with. (It also doesn't help that he keeps being emotionally suppressed too lol)

Cowardice is another. Rogier is scared to tell anyone about his emotions, to take that risk of being honest with someone. His background in nobility and his family definitely doesn't help either.

Rogier had been too scared to be true to Lorens and tell him his feelings, and because of that, he would never be able to. I feel like he's avoided it even more afterward. He refuses to take that jump of being honest with someone, whether it's about his emotions or his ideals, he doesn't let them go.

But when he does? With D, it completely breaks off everything they've had. Everything that they could have been.

"Beguiled fool. A rotten, sick bastard. Fouled by them. A wicked, two-faced user. Heartless. Loathsome parasite. How could he? Were they not supposed to set this crooked world straight? Profane. A perversion of honor. A madman." -Chapter 5

“Get out of my sight.” “I’m sorry.” He’d said, and he was. But Darian’s lips curled back, and he jerked his head away and locked his eyes on the horizon. His jaw twitched, in the moment he took to reply.  “Don’t talk to me.” There was nothing he could do to fix this. To undo his mistakes, to spare Darian his intentions." -Chapter 5

It's all gone because he had been honest about his goals (presumably). This experience probably strengthened that emotional suppression so as to not be hurt/caught by surprise.

So when Magdalene, someone who wholeheartedly accepts his ideals and sees his side for once, he's cautious. He can't believe that someone can genuinely agree with him because all the times that he has been honest, he's been punished for it. (though, he reminds himself that she's not like that)

In short, this guy's a mixed bag. A mixed bag with problems

(basing this off of the Elden Ring color theory video, it was an absolute joy to watch)

[EDIT]: idk what to call this section but he seems to seek out some form of approval. Lets see how that ties in with his grief!

"He still doesn’t understand why. What did he do, specifically? Or was he just past his usefulness? Deemed unfit to rule? He never truly wanted to rule as Lord, but to be cast aside so indifferently—it had shaken him.  Every now and then he fumbles with this, again and again, but he knows. He does. He knows that grace has forsaken him for good reason. He’s a heretic. An apostate. He who does not obediently bow before a faltering, decrepit Order, so ill-equipped to handle the world as it is. " -Chapter 5

"All these years. Couldn’t change a thing. Rather pathetic, I’d say—what a fool, thinking that this crooked world could be made right by mortal hands. Sure, deathblight. Truly, a fitting end for a worthless, rotten bastard." -Chapter 12

Now, speaking from some personal experience, being raised in a family that's of nobility and expects so much out of you from a young age definitely breeds some kind of self-worth issues that really stick with you. Especially if you haven't had anyone to truly support you.

Because of that, I believe that Rogier, in a way, is trying to prove his worth. But not to the Order, I think that he's in some way trying to please Lorens. Even in death.

He puts everything into his studies of Death, searching and scouring for scraps of information just to give him a single lead on anything, and for what?

"Its fulfillment will be a selfish act of altruism. These crooked lands will set right, by his hands, for a reward of nothing at all. But make no mistake: he needs another day. And another after that, and another after that. He needs his questions answered with questions, he needs his notes corrected in an unreadable hand, he needs to hear one more “Well—” followed by the most opaque, convoluted tangle of sentences ever constructed. There’s no reward he seeks, but the warm smile of cold gray eyes and a scoff about just what he’s wearing nowadays. " -Chapter 19

Rogier devotes himself to saving TWLID (saving Lorens, in reality), but it's not because it's all for selfless reasons, he seems to want things to go back to the way things used to be. Back at the Rise, with just him and Lorens once more.

I don't think Rogier ever accepted Lorens' death. He's determined to bring back Lorens, desperately trying to find a solution to bring him back no matter what.

And it’s quite hypocritical isnt it? That Rogier wants to change the Order to be able to sort of… revive Lorens from Death. To go back to the old times that they both had had.

This guy refuses to grieve and is searching (desperately) for a solution for a dead man who's probably not even good for him. Get this man some therapy

This entire post's summary is just me going:

Anyway, that's all for my crazy rambles! I can't wait to see how SWRD will progress, and how everyone will intermingle and grow with one another (Rogier and Mags)!!!! :0)

Have some doodles + a WIP that I'll probably never finish as a treat for reading this! (Mag's torso was wayyy too long on the second one oops)

(bonus boggart because I love him)

[noirandchocolate]

Me: *listening to my big shamisen playlist while I work at home reading cases* Hehe strings go twang nicely for my braincells

Spotify: *hits me in the face with “Blue” by Aun J-Classic Orchestra again*

Me: I am going to die. ToT

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <3