#maybe ill do a post where u guys can ask me questions about it but idk if therell be a demand for that

[emberz7]

DAY 31 : FEAR 1/3 2/3 3/3

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

[safe-from-sharp-teeth]

Ayo! I haven't answered asks in FOREVER, so it's time for some spring cleaning :) Also answering other stuff, like what I've been up to.

If you sent an ask and it's not here, sorry! I may have deleted it because the prompt required too much work of me and I wasn't feeling it, or I was uncomfortable.

Let's gooooo !

Firstly - where have I been? Work REALLY picked up in a way I wasn't expecting over the last...4 months? I was working double and often triple the hours I was used to. With work, vacations, random illnesses, and many video games I got a bit too obsessed with, this blog took a backseat. Plus, sometimes I get disinterested in vore when obsessed with something else. Sometimes, that lasts months, and it did this time.

But now I can confirm that work will FINALLY chill for a long period of time. I'm free! And more motivated than ever! Wahoo! Thanks for your support ALWAYS.

Next big question - when am I going to do more of my story? The one with Asyr? AHHHHHGHHGHH this story has consumed my life. I think about it daily. I dream about it. And yet I'm not as comfortable writing as I am drawing, so writing is a slow process that my perfectionist ass struggles with. I can assure you that there is a story in the works - and I am working on it at a snail's pace.

Okay, ask time...

@ponyluvesonic09 AYO maybe I'll make a full ghost pred pros/con list for you, because that sounds awesome! Kir//by is one of the silliest canon preds out there. Honestly getting eaten by him would be like getting vored by a vacuum, LOL. Galaxy tummy!! Imagine a prey floating around in one of those item bubbles all grumpy. Thank u for the ask, this is good stuff.

no. ( /・・)ノ

UWAGHHHHH I LIKE HER!!! Never played O/verwat/ch but what a gem!! I have a random fondness for centaur-like preds nowadays. She looks so cozy. THANK U I LOVE HER!!!

@tiger9o0 I have not played r//ain w//orld or know what it's about, LOL. Looks like a platformer? Man, I'm terrrriiiiibblleee at those. But whoever this is on the cover, I LIKE EM. A+. (That might not answer ur question shdjbghkjg SORRY)

@heimkoheimkofan LOVE THAT I GOT THE ROBOT ENJOYERS AFTER THAT ONE POST....YES yall are so right and I'm so wrong for just hard metal robot tums. I will rectify my mistake soon I PROMISE. Also oh! You were the one asking about stomachs other than elemental ones! IVE HAD THAT IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER IM SORRY AHHHH. I REALLY love your imagination with tums and you've inspired me to think of some awesome environments! THANKS

@fastfur07 BWAH?? Ugh I'm all over the place when it comes to art. Some pieces take 30 min (like the zangooc I drew at the top of this post), most take 2 days. Some really hard drawings like my wolf bat creechur from a few months ago and my shrimp from last year took a month. THANK U??

We're going back so far that I think this is about my naga oc (which I'm in the midst of redesigning cough cough). For him, he would never tolerate being prey, extremely unwilling bahaha. In general, I haven't thought much about naga or snake prey! I get the appeal of slurping up a noodle, but I just prefer human prey :)

@fastfur07 you fiend, you always give me the best drawing ideas. UNFORTUNATELY, I didn't have time to draw something for this one. BUTTTT....

(i've had this next one in my drafts for forever)

then i had a silly comic. I'll post the wip here because I won't finish it, so enjoy bahaha.

@blizzaria123-blog THANK U im rapidly melting into a puddle from ur words

@mrpotatomanversionsix relevant. i will continue drawing them 4 u

?!??!!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!? how dare u enter my ask box with this blasphemy

@sfwsillynoms WAH!!! you!!! I'm currently redesigning my naga oc but when I finish I'll tag you, if you're still around! And he can 100% be drawn with ur preysona :)

@mystorl i am SO late to this, but SMART. I like it. I shall give my lil guy this friend. I just want to let u know that I see this and it's wonderful and I will do something abt it.

I remember this ask made me laugh a ton when I first got it. thank u. idk why I find this so funny

@sillylilprey IM CRYING RIGHT BACK AHHHH this is an ancient ask, but thank u! hope you're still enjoying!

@terrytheinsane finally, the last ask in my askbox. I love it. You have been wronged with how long it took me to answer you. I have gained knowledge from your ask. THANKS

AND THAT'S IT!! Thanks guys, I hope to make you proud! Feel free to send more asks, and hopefully I will answer in a TIMELY manner.

Goodnight! And remember: Nice Vore ᕕ༼⌐■-■༽ᕗ

[dettiqueen]

School Day Series day 4!!<33

(((Warning long post, so if you dont rly care abt my life i completely understand😋 but hopefully ill see u on another post!!<33)))

today was substantially better than the previous ones!! i think me and that girl in my english class are starting to become sorta friends! we also presented an “about me” sorta thing where we interview a partner and introduce eachother to the class, and the girl was my partner! i told everyone i liked comics and was an artist and they asked a ton of questions which felt super nice!! i think im also the youngest in that class since its a grade above mine 😬 but maybe theyll be nicer to me?💀 wishful thinking Dettiqueen. anyways, i made a friend with a girl who knew some of my friends !! and i have 3 classes with her so im no longer alone. I was rlly scared abt dressing out for PE but i just.. didnt do it. and thry didnt tell me anything, i nean what are they fonna do? MAKE ME CHANGE?? 💀😭 sure theyll fail me but wtv ive been thru worse. AND ALSO I GOT TICKETS TO MY FAV BAND TODAY!! so that rlly made everything super happy! i thibk my friend cant hang out on saturday like we planned but its ok, hopefully ill see her another time💔

if u actually read this and care, ily bc thats so sweet. and i promise u guys can always yap to me if you want so js lmk!!! ILY SO MUCH BYEE!!<33

[ren-054]

Hey! Sorry, but I'm curious and I would like to ask u something. I've already asked the same question to another blog but I decided to gather different opinions/feedbacks, out of curiosity.

Do you think Sun, Moon and Eclipse, canon-wise, are a good representation of a system?

I know that many people see them differently, everyone has their own hcs and I do too, but if they were a system would it be accurate in terms of shifting/fronting etc?

I apologize if this question sounds weird or if I come off as offensive, it was not my intention. I don't know a lot about DID, I'm still studying, so feel free to correct me or to simply ignore this ask.

Oooh this question! Hrmmm

Also it’s all good, I love answering questions that have to do with pulling from my experiences :] I don’t mind at all!

TL;DR because I’m very wordy— I think the DCA’s a decent rep of the idea of a system but it still ends up with a lot of the pitfalls of current system rep (like alters framed as evil vs good since it’s a horror game and Moon is an enemy + Sun and Moon’s inner conflict being resolved either through a fusion into Eclipse or simply letting a more stable alter front with little further elaboration on the matter)

So the DCA definitely feel like a system that could exist, but it still reads like that awkward middle stage of media rep where there’s still a dependence on shock factor and spectacle over them just being a system that exists, but they’re overall fine.

I think viewing them as a system is very neat and I love how validating/relatable a lot of the fan works can be when tackling the DCA’s dynamic with each other :] I see little issue with viewing them as a system, if that’s part of the question

Long answer below pfpf

Where do I start…

I think I’m a bit torn? Their canon switch from SB, if we are viewing them as a hypothetical system, definitely felt dramatized because it’s a horror game (but maybe some people experience switches like this! I wouldn’t know)

Also the fact the horror effect is likely coming from having an overall benign doormat of a guy suddenly becoming unsafe post-switch feels a bit iffy to me since it feeds into that othering/demonizing narrative of mentally ill + neurodivergent folk, but Sun’s panic about Moon fronting is still a mood, to be fair. I have my own paranoia about certain alters getting triggered out ajhdks

As for fronting, the DCA don’t really get to express how that works for them, so I can’t say. The only thing I could glean is that,

1, Sun was aware a switch occurred that allowed Moon out but, for whatever reason, was upset enough to still kick Gregory out the daycare knowing he could still be in danger so there’s not much info there, and

2, Ruin Eclipse seemed to have less memories than Sun or Moon given he acted like he just met Cassie when he fronted, sort of reminiscent of either an alter coming back after a long period of dormancy or a much more generally dissociated alter. Sun still talked after Eclipse came back so he’s still in there, and presumably Moon too.

For me, I think I have a lot of internal communication and rarely have hard switches (a switch where there’s only one alter fronting with little interference from any other part) so I can’t say too much about hard switches like what seems to happen with the DCA. Sun and Moon were in a terrible rapid switching and/or fighting-for-front situation in Ruin though, and I feel for them. I’ve been through it and it’s not fun.

I was actually surprised at how much more.. system-coded the DCA were in Ruin but I always had a bit of an issues with it for one reason

There wasn’t a lot of closure for Sun and Moon specifically (only implied through Ruin Eclipse’s calm and more child-friendly nature) so I’d feel a bit weird to say that the DCA as we know them at this point is a great.. summary for systems as a whole? Like you gotta do what you gotta do to heal yknow so this isnt judging how they need to help themselves, but I’m looking at the bigger picture of system rep and the preconceptions of a layman audience.

I know not every system likes the idea of their parts being ignored/shunted in favor of a more “complete” fused hypothetical version of themselves, including myself. But for the DCA, as Sun strongly implies, this is the best solution for them in the moment in order to stabilize so really I can’t judge them.

Sun said thank you, though, so I hope that means them and Moon are getting some well deserved rest away from front. I do hope to see things from them feeling better in the future, but I don’t have much faith that we’d be given that.

[stonyponyofficial]

violer ive always wondered & ur the best person to ask. is there transphobic jokes in adam sandler jack and jill

hello io!!!! you've activated my "she talks about adam sandler for way too long" cutscene so i hope ur ready for that! this is going to lead me to rewatch Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler, just so i can give u the full answer bc my Adam scholarship needs to be THOROUGH do u understand???? i hope u can live with the knowledge that uve made me do thjs. also i forgive u. this is a pride month post now btw.

Adam Analysis beneath the cut. tl;dr umm probably not as much as u would imagine like it could be So much worse but its. kinda okay at points too? Theres Nuance.

so even if u havent seen all of Adams many films like i have, maybe ur the average person whos probably only seen 10 or 20 of them who knows. u could probably imagine the kinds of jokes he tells. just general mean spirited ribbing towards anyone who isnt adam or like adam right? standard fare for mainstream movie comedy. so when it comes to Jokes Adam Tells About Women, we basically get two categories: jokes for women adam wants to have sex with, and jokes for women who Adam thinks are undesirable and does not want to have sex with.

when it comes to jokes about trans women, or the closest depiction of trans women an adam sandler film is going to get, they more closely align with the ugly woman jokes, except they arent really seen as women, so the joke is just kind of "ur a man!" when its literally a male friend of adam's in a dress pretending to be a trans woman, u know? not fun (btw friend of adam is the new horrible slang for id'ing other gay people tell everyone u know). there are only a feeew instances from what i remember of a stock crossdresser/trans woman joke character even being in a Sandler film, and usually u can like feel the disgust everyone has for these characters for like the 10 secodns theyre on screen to be joked at.

in Jack and Jill however, theres like.. kinda none of that. like shes jacks twin sister at the end of the day and everyone gets along with her because shes family even if shes loud and annoys people. spoilers for... jack and jill... but the whole plot is jack learning to love his sister again and not be annoyed by her very presence, learning the importance of family along the way. the jokes are mostly "god i hate my loud and annoying twin sister" more than anything. from what I remember anyway (this is before my rewatch btw this is just preliminary info jeez), the jokes are more aligned with undesirable women jokes toward jill than flat out transphobia (say, "ur even manlier than ur brother wow!" vs "u are a man") anyway i will now be watching Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler so ill be right back.

okay hi. so they definitely characterize jill as being i guess the larger presence of the two, like they show a home movie montage of the two growing up and thats continually the joke in those clips that shes just "more than" jack. hairier, fartier, stronger, but also more emotional and familial, as in wanting to be close with her twin brother than he would like to be with her. in these ways shes made to be both more masculine and more feminine than jack. although shes made to be more masculine, as the film defines it, it then has many moments where its like "yeah despite her just being adam sandler in a dress, shes 'actually a woman'" like, if anything these moments are transphobic in that they ask "is Jill a guy?" and usually the answer is "no of course not shes a real woman not some man in a dress!" not said with such explicit terms but it's then implied by asking the question that it would be worse if the answer was yes. the first of these woman affirming instances is the honestly the best, so i will describe it for u thus, because youre here for analysis that is also just plot summary Goddamn It.

so theyre all in a movie theater when jill gets a call and starts talking really loudly, annoying everyone as the film has her do. jack calls her a psycho and she starts crying and runs out of the theater. one theatergoer remarks "way to make a chick cry, dude." and another inquires, "that was a chick?" and as jack runs to get jill he pours his popcorn on the guy and shuts him down like "yeah that was a chick!" like in one light its just the film reminding us and affirming and that she is in fact a real, normal cisgendered woman through adam owning this guy epically, but if ur absolutely insane you could see this as the biggest Adam Sandler Trans Ally W if there were to ever be one. just. compared to everywhere else that couldve gone, its. good? to see adam actually defending the "man in a dress" comedic character for once. even if it had to be him in the dress while being 100% cis, actually, for him to cool it with the transphobic remarks.

another moment is when jill is lifted by her soccer team to celebrate her helping win a match... yeah dont worry the context wont help... so as shes being lifted someone looks under her dress and is like "yeah shes not a guy" and gives another guy money like they made a bet? probably the weirdest example. but then she also makes sure to mention later that she does have periods so we all know the character of Jill Sadelstein played by Adam Sandler from Jack and Jill (2011) starring Adam Sandler twice, is in fact a real woman. idk like its playing into the comedy of this just being adam sandler saying that and like "haha hes not a woman" but idk if i would call that transphobic, one could perhaps say hes doing drag for this movie and like drag performers play with that all the time right?

idk it feels like the movie hairspray where the role of the mom is played by a man in a dress where that's just kinda the joke about it the whole time but it's still drag and kinda taken seriously?is that transphobic? eh probably a little. if anythjng it just feels like a drag performance in kinda poor taste where ur waiting for him to say the things he's said before about man in dress characters and then. he just doesn't?. uhhh llike later on theres a part where jack dresses as jill to try and fool al pacino who is in love with jill btw. al pacino is in love with jill but she doesnt like him back so she wont go meet him. anyway jack is getting changed in the bathroom and theres an attendant there who sees him come out full jillmoding. he proceeds to grope jacks fake melon boobs to adjust them and gives an approving italian hand smooch 🤌 mwah u know. its a little okay. i like it.

um there is also a moment where the joke is that pretransition caitlyn jenner is there, but its 2011 so she hadn't come out yet. its jarring and feels very transphobic bc they deadname her, but it was before she came out so that was... just her name at the time. so its okay, but feels wrong. a very strange coincidence for some of the only transphobia coming from this movie when it could have it fucking everywhere to be completely unintended and the result of someone just transitioning after the movie was done being made.... didnt know where to put this observation but it had to be known.

All Of This being said tho, u kinda need to have adam-vision like me to have a tolerance for his... we'll call them antics. only after many other sandler films did i get to this one and be like "oh wow that wasn't that bad given what i was expecting!" its still not a good movie, but compared to every single other one hes made or been in, its like. definitely in the middle of the pack. if we can take adam sandler acting in drag being the kinda silent joke for an hour and a half its. an okay watch. best watched with friends so u can talk about it/over it if u want. i would perhaps even call it camp at times if i had worse judgement. it definitely could have been worse! then again maybe i truly am numb to adam and i just didnt see anything wrong with it who knows! i am possibly completely full of shit. hope this helps 👍

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[connorqtie]

Hi hello ! What are ur thoughts on college au for harbor as a request? And/or dealing with long distance relationship with him? (If this isnt to ur liking, no worries, u can just ignore this!)

Thank u for ur time, i really appreciate all of ur writing, its super fun to read <3

i’d be happy to do so! ill post the long distance relationship one seperately but heres the college au! (sorry if its a little odd, this is my first college au!)

also sorry if this is short, i’ll try making a part 2 perhaps? not so sure!

warnings: none other than not being proofread, sorry!

content summary: little college au headcanons for the dear waterboy, harbor (gn reader, has no mention of body type or race for the reader)

- harbor would definitely take a history course.

- if you guys don’t have conflicting schedules and live in different places, he’d love to study with you in a place where you both can focus (mostly libraries, some hole in the wall cafe, and other stuff. anyone’s home or apartment are kinda avoided because he’s worried you both would get distracted somehow)

- definitely the kind to go to the gym time to time if he ever has it. would have you come along if you’d like! would tell you how it can take out the stress of.. having to cram last minute for certain activities.

- i would assume he’d have some extracurricular activities on the side but they would often lead to him being exhausted. if you guys live as roommates in a dorm then you’d probably witness a sleepy varun on the couch, with an open laptop on the desk, and a half finished cup of tea nearby.

- the kind to be visibly annoyed by minor subjects (who wouldn’t be ngl) and would complain about it, especially since he still puts quite a bit of effort in minor subjects for the sake of not failing.

- he likes having those kinds of reviews where one asks a question and the other must identify, finds it especially fun if you help him out by reading out his reviewers as questions.

- generally expect him to sleep quite a lot, or just be exhausted. maybe you could do him a specific “favor” to be able to relax. (wink wonk)

- but also randomly wakes up to review or read something, oddly enough.

A bit of a bonus:

“varun, please tell me you’re not reading the communist manifesto at like, 3am.”

“my mind works at the worst times.. sorry, mere pyaar. (dear)”

[n3ssier]

HELLO im bacc >;)))

So I keep lookin at your introduction post and fsr I CANT DECIDE WHAT TO PICK- I just wanted to ask like, can ya write a headcanon, but it has both Crypto from Apex and Ppl from r6? Im so super grateful that you didnt mind the emount of characters I requested last time 😭😭 i hope its bot a burden if I request again cause i kinda simp for all of the. 💀

You can just tell me if u dont wanna do this, or just scratch sum characters if its too many :)))))

Can you pleease write a ff (or headcanons, ehatevs ya wnat) where female reader LOVES hugs and is a generally super chill yet chirpy friend and as soon as she gets recruited, she becomes all friendly and tries to befriedn them and after like 1st day of meeting, she alredy sees them as her bestfriend and hugs them from behind as a goodmorning the next day-

Chars: Crypto, Echo, Vigil, Kapkan, Glaz, Jäger (Ik its all the same characters but I cant help my simping, also as i said you can not include whoever you want)

Ik its confusing and as I said before, you aint gotta write this at all💀🤚

ALSO- MOOTS? Saw that you needed friends so we can be bfs >:DD

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG :( ive had a lot going on and ive also got a job now so i have been short on time but finally got round to writing again!! i hope ya dont mind me doing some hcs and also only doing 4 out of 6 sexy men, bc i worry that if i do fanfics with them all then this will be a v long post bc ill get lowkey carried away😞 (also bc im feeling lazy rn, out here getting up 4am sleeping 12pm😭best lifestyle)

crypto

∙you two first meet on your second day on the job, and he is taken aback by how talkative you are (not in a bad way tho dwdw :)

∙the other legends don’t rlly talk to him outside of the gunfights/workplace so he just doesn’t talk to them either, which is why he was so surprised when you came up to him and tried to befriend him as soon as you’d met him

∙the pride he feels when you start asking about his gadgets goes unmatched, he tries to explain them as easily as possible but gets carried away quickly, leaving you a confused mess and him an embarrassed one as he realises how distracted he got

∙the next morning he’s making breakfast in the break room when he feels you hug him from behind, and he honestly is so tempted to put his hands on yours and stay there but he wants to play it off cool ofc so he just greets you and continues preparing his food

∙this is the EXACT moment he fell for ya

glaz

∙he never expected you to be so talkative or cheery when you joined, but he was happy nonetheless

∙will intently listen to you while smiling and give you facts if he knows any on whatever you’re talking about

∙you guys end up talking for like 3 hours just about anything, he’s kinda curious about you, and ends up asking you a bit about your life in general 

∙would make a lot of effort to help and teach you things, seen as you’re new to r6

∙when you come up to him and hug him as a good morning he chuckles before turning around to hug you back quickly and loosely

∙he could get used to this tho

kapkan

∙ngl he is annoyed at first when you talk to him for the first time, he finds the chat pointless, but after an hour or so he lets his guard down

∙he never realised that chatting with people was so fun until this day, or maybe it was just something about you specifically that gave him the good time, who knows !?

∙he honestly thinks ur pretty cute talking about all the random topics that peak your interest, asking him about 1000 questions aswell

∙when he feels your arms around him the next morning he freaks out

∙tries to push you off, as much as he enjoys it sadly he is too flustered and also not used to physical contact

∙he slowly stops pushing you away the more you come up to him and the more you are hanging round with him

jäger

∙when he first meets you he thinks you’re cool asf, especially when you strike a conversation with him

∙similar to crypto, he feels so much pride when you ask about his gadgets, its like a huge ego boost

∙you guys are sooooo chatty, talking about anything and everything, but make the cutest duo

∙you listen to his rambling and he will listen intently to you back

∙there is NEVER a dull moment between you two😭

∙the other gsg9 members are just happy that he has got someone to listen to him so that they don’t have to LMAO

∙when he feels you hug him from behind the next morning he is a little bit confused but happily hugs you back in return, he definitely thinks about it for the rest of the day tho

[lil-melody-moon]

Thank you @lovely-menza for tagging me <3 This is the first time I'm doing such a post, as in, answering for questions in the post, without it being an ask game, so let's roll with it!

Are you named after anyone? Nope, my mom just heard the name on a party one day and she loved it ever since. And that's why I am named how I am named

When was the last time you cried? In the last year, quite a few months ago. It was connected with being laughed at by a close person due to him being after one beer and him not being able to drink at his age. And let's leave it at that

Do you have kids? Nope, but I would like to, if I find a good guy. I mean, I don't want a random weirdo or a creep in my life. I'm either getting a good guy or I'm living alone, without a care - I mean I have music...

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Only when i'm joking. Other than that, I'm brutally honest

What's the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes or smile. It's usually the eyes though. You can fake a smile, be more kinder with it, if you intend to do so. But eyes? You can't hide anything behind them. If you have bad intentions, it is shown in the way you look at someone. I usually am looking in the eyes when speaking to someone and when they speak to me I do the same. Let me tell you one thing - you can get scared shitless when you hear kind words and the person's eyes shine in a very bad way and you know they have bad intentions. I like to know if I'm safe or not

What's your eye colour? They are hazel. Once blue, the other time green, some other time gray blue or gray entirely or kinda white if I feel ill. Mom says that I usually have gray eyes when I'm very sleepy

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings. I like to see the adventure presented in the media I'm watching have a good ending. Additional point if I like the characters! Then it's double the fun to see them happy at the very end

Any special talents? Maybe it's not a special talent, but I can hear wrong notes in a song very often, catch the rhythm of the song - oh boy, if it's changing during the song then I have so much fun with listening to it! - and memorize the entire melody if I hear the song a lot of times. I literally sometimes sit and play the entire song in my head if it's too quiet. I did that on the last test on statistics! Hehe, silence in class and I was listening to Scars on Broadway in my head while counting - got an A, that proves something XD

Where were you born? Poland! I'm still living there and I don't plan on moving somewhere else - maybe to another city, but then again I don't wanna leave my parents behind so yeah (a little bit of babbling :3)

What are your hobbies? Listening to music, playing on guitar - I started playing in July in 2022, I'm not very good at it yet, but I have a lot of fun! - and maybe writing from time to time some fanfiction. I like creating ocs ^u^

Have you any pets? Yes, a female canary. She's my lovely orb of feathers, who has almost the same music taste as mine - oh GOD, I played "Alabama Song (Whisky Bar)" by The Doors yesterday on my phone to quickly clean and come back to watching a tv series. The feathery orb sung so loudly along with Jim Morrison and the rest! I wasn't expecting her to give such a bright concert ;u;

What sports do you play/have played? None, I am the person who hated sports XD

How tall are you? 162/164 cm I believe? I am fairly short

Favourite subject in school? Polish lessons. They were fun, despite that some of the school readings were boring. But I could listen to so much stories about the society in the past ages. This was interesting!

Dream job? Working in a library - I'm working hard to get to that goal

Tag 15 people... Let's see if I have so much mutuals XD @furiousbirdballoon @juliearchery107 @jimmysdragonsuit13 @malakianwhvre @explodingegg123 @itsdareeeh @cantag-curtis @diedeadenovgh @circle-bircle @w0rldl0ngg0ne That's all I can think of at the moment. If anyone stumbles upon this post and wants to join, feel free <3 The rest of tagged people? Join the fun if you want :3

[penguin--person]

you love milgram in a way i trust deeply i love you ok?

hehee i love you too boss!!!! m. ... speaking of milgram... i told u i'd make an oc to replace prisoner number nine ya?? well ive made one!! hehehe... sorta... ive made a Concept... n i'm using this ask as an excuse to share her!!! i do gotta warn u tho! warning for suicidal stuff! so dont read if u dont wanna see that n no preassure to read it my lad!!! love you!!!

so! i first gotta say what i perceive milgram to be. to me its not real in the way that, to the characters, its like a dream, yea? its not a real place in their universe. they just. like. muu says that she woke up at milgram moments after commiting her murder, yea? with no recollection of how she got there. other characters have said this too i think, maybe, but maybe not, who knows... not me... but! thats what milgram is to me, just a mind thing. like once the three trials are over, the ten participants will just return to where they were before they woke up at milgram. because. they still gotta learn to fucking. Live after that. theyre not going to get executed, is my theory, if they get 'guilty' one too many times - they're juts going to return to the world, with now more thoughts on their murder(s) than they had before, and. god. theyre gonna have to learn with themselves! theyre gonna have to deal with it, yea? idk if that makes sense . with that out of the way, lets talk about aiko, prisoner number nine! aiko's murder is, umm. hehe. heres where the suicidal stuff comes in. her murder is suicide! 'but, penguin!' i hear you say, 'If shes dead, how come shes at milgram?' my dear reader, an excellent question!a aiko is only Half dead! the exact method she used to end her life was, slashing her throat, So, when enough blood bled out of her that one of her hands was being hold (though, not for much longer) by life, and the other was just taken by death, when both life and death were holding her, she got transported to milgram:3 'but, penguin! how is aiko going to learn how to live after milgram, as you said thats whats going to happen after it ends, if she dies?' no shes gonna jsut be. fucked. shes gonna be fucked dude. in milgram shes gonna talk to the prisoners and shes gonna find pals (sorta? ill expand on that in a bit) n shes gonna find that joy in life. but she'll be like, happy about it - she thiniks that milgramis the 'afterlife' . purgatory. that if es decides that shes forgivable, she'll go to heaven, but if they'll say she's unforgivable, she'll go to hell !! so. so. she can die happy or sad. or maybe she like, has a phone near her irl that she can then use to call an ambulance or smth idk i ahvent thought upon her that much . pretty fucked up, yea? heres my concept for her

this is like, the barest concept ever. i made concept notes when drawing her: headband + pigtals (hard to see but theyre there believe me) = childish, new to adulthood and does not like it - wants to be a child still maybe? coping through the pigtails/belt around neck covering sui wound, slit throat/ribcage sorta, skeleton = dead/long sleeves = depression/funeral sorta dress/Lace maybe? and this isnt there but her waist belt is fallign off bc shes hanging on by a fucking thread man. shes OFF the thread ctually she lost the thread everyone around her would be like "no whaddahell were not dead freak" . so she'd go to shidou (HATE this guy. id expand on this but this isnt a shidou hate post its an aiko appreciation post) n be like "Hi doctor. i think im Dead can you check my pulse n all" n hed go "Haha silly aiko youre not dead" n then she'd just, i dont know. i rlly want to project through her and have her dislike shidou. man she'd be besties with amane. because i like amane. basically shes friends with characters i like n hates on all the others❤️ personality wise shes like, a goofball, silly.. very much like a creepy little creature... creeps people out:3 shes silly like that... if u have any questions on her feel free to ask hehehoho! shes not that developed yet shes just a silly goofy idea

[kingexplosionfucker]

Late night thoughts that I have to post somewhere because the stress of everything is just eating me alive at this point.

My lease ends is a little over a month. I have no idea how the hell I am going to be able to move everything out of my apartment by myself. I can barely afford a U-Haul and a storage unit, so hiring movers is absolutely out of the question. I helped some friends move around a year ago, so I initially planned on asking them to help me, but now I feel like I’d just be burdening them. They’re both really busy with work and family stuff, and I don’t want to be another thing that they’d have to deal with. Besides, I kinda feel like if I can’t handle this by myself, then I’m a weak person. I should be able to handle everything by myself. And that’s what I’ve been doing. But I can feel myself cracking under all the pressure. I haven’t taken a day off work since February, and that wasn’t even by choice, so I wasn’t even really taking a break because I was stressed out the whole time about not working.

I wish I could talk to somebody about this but then I’d just be the guy who complains all the damn time, and nobody fucking likes that guy, you know? I don’t want to burden people with my shit. We’re all dealing with our own shit. Besides, no one would really get it anyway. Most of my friends don’t know what it’s like to have no backup plan, living paycheck to paycheck and still barely getting by. Most of them have parents who would take them in or help them out financially if things fell through. Meanwhile I’m the one providing for my mentally ill mother who doesn’t have a job, and my dad is in his fucking mansion patting himself on the back for cutting off his failure oldest child.

I think the worst part about this is I never had to worry about money before this year. I grew up rich. Yes, I’m gonna say rich and not upper middle class or whatever because if you’re making more than 7 figures, you’re rich, plain and simple. I didn’t know how good I had it. I mean, sure, my dad’s a dickhead but at least I never had to worry about where my next meal was coming from.

I’m half-tempted to come crawling back to him and begging him for money, but I know there’s a very slim chance of him actually helping me. He’d just tell me that he was right about me all along and that I’m nothing more than a pathetic college dropout, destined for a life of failure.

Maybe he is right. If I had just been more responsible, maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation. Maybe I could’ve been heartless like him and left my mother to become homeless. Maybe if I was comfortable with stepping on other people to get what I want like he is, maybe I would be rich like he is. But I’m not like him. But I do have his anger. And I think that’s what I hate most about myself.

I’ve always been so quick to anger, even over stupid petty shit. I’ve almost lost friendships over it. I’ve almost gotten shot over it. The constant stress I’m under is only making my anger issues worse. The rare moments I’m not angry, I just feel empty and despondent, like anger is the only spark I have anymore and when its been used up, my engine stalls and so does my body.

So yeah, I don’t really know what to do but I guess I’ll have to figure it out tomorrow. Because as much as I would love to off myself and save myself the pain and suffering of existing, I can’t. Because then I would be leaving my mom and my dog to die on the streets, and I can’t do that to them. They don’t deserve that.

So the horrors persist but so do I. That’s the saying that’s been keeping me going. Fake it til you make it except I know I’m never going to make it. I’m never going to be financially stable unless I get really fucking lucky. Or my dad decides he doesn’t hate me anymore and he dies and puts me back in his will, but I think I have a better chance at winning the lottery.

[hansolmates]

busted in busan 

summary; you’re snowbound at the airport, when the only thing you want is to be homebound. your anxieties heighten as the snow rises, worried that you won’t make it in time for christmas where your fiancé and his parents expect you—picture perfect. when all flights are cancelled due to a massive storm, you have to turn to the hands of an unlikely, hard-headed hero who knows the fastest way out of busan (and into your heart) pairing; jungkook x (f) reader genre/warnings; a christmas detour!au, fluff, angst, slice of life, strangers to lovers, enemies to lovers, pining, this is a total romcom, hallmark movie galore! tw–microcheating (or not however you look at it) mentions of sex, making out, profanity w/c; 10k   a/n; for @suhdays​ holiday hallmark event! this event was totally up my lane, i couldn’t wait to post it! a huge thank u for @eerieedits​ for making this wonderful fic banner! this is totally unedited, i’ll to go back to it tonight but pls enjoy! for those of u who need a little more christmas charm this year, this is for u

if you loved this icy couple, please consider giving it a like n’share!⛄⛄⛄

“The Korean Air 1102 flight from Gimhae International Airport to Incheon International Airport will be delayed six hours due to the intense weather conditions. Please be on standby for any further updates.” 

You’re twitching, fighting the urge to nibble on your nails because you’ve just got them done for Christmas. They’re a sleek champagne gold, because your fiancé insisted that they’re far more mature than your usual red and brown reindeer art. This is awful, and is only going to get progressively worse as the snow builds and builds. Right now the weather isn’t that bad, the snow isn’t even sticking to the ground and—oh. 

Gnawing at your lip, your fingers brush over the cold window, a clear view of the landing strip you should currently be boarding. The touch is icy, and the pads of your fingers are enveloped in little rings of fog at the sudden warmth nudging the glass. Upon closer inspection and a squint of your eyes reveal that in fact, the snow is now sticking to the ground. Big, fat clumps are covering the freeway and destroying your Christmas plans. 

Your fiancé will understand if you’re a little late for their Christmas Eve party, but you’re not sure if his parents will. You’ve been on livewire all week, wanting to at least spend the morning of Christmas Eve with your family back home. Knowing that your fiancé’s Christmas Eve party would run until very late, you booked a noon flight with enough time to get ready and impress his parents. Evidently, it was an ill-prepared idea. 

Immediately falling into your terminal’s line, you hope that you can talk with the receptionist in hopes they could put you at ease. 

“How soon will you announce our flight’s departure?” A sad smile. 

“Is there any way you can put me on the next possible flight?” A shake of the head. 

“Will the weather let up?” A frown. 

Every bit of rejection weighs you down, and you’ve run out of questions to ask. For a receptionist, she’s not very receptive. 

“C’mon lady, you’re holding up the line,” a voice tugs you from behind, “you’re not the only one who’s gotta get down to the city on Christmas.” 

You fight the urge to roll your eyes, wanting to slap the rudeness off this man’s face. Instead of falling back in line, you move to the side to glare at him. He’s unfortunately attractive, albeit in a rugged sort-of way—nothing like your fiancé. The leather jacket that he carries tall is worn and crackly at the collar. Wavy dark hair he constantly has to hold back, a gesture that looks flirtatious and to your chagrin the receptionist is definitely recepting to him. 

“Your refund should be processed in about two to four business days, Mr. Jeon,” the receptionist murmurs, the simultaneously sultry and chirpy voice making you twitch in your spot. Maybe if you drank a cup of tall, dark and handsome you’d be getting the same kind of treatment. 

“Thanks,” he replies shortly, and it’s then you notice the extremely large luggage next to him. It’s the size of you, and despite the broad shoulders under the baggy jacket, he lugs it with careful force, making sure not to bump into anyone as he wheels it away from the counter. 

It seems that your trainers have a mind of your own as you follow him down the terminal. He side eyes you as your feet pick up the pace to match his long legs, but he waits for you to say something first. 

“Why did you ask for a refund?” you ask, frowning at him, “the flight is only delayed.” 

He scoffs, “Do you see the snow? They’re just saying it’s delayed so they can hold onto your money a little longer. Besides, it’s a win-win. I get my refund sooner and some other poor sap can take the ticket and wait until five in the morning.” 

“Five A.M.,” you exhale to yourself, slowing down. 

It would be too late by then, far too late. Your shoulders slump, people start to bump into you without a care. 

“Besides,” you hear his voice say from your stricken form, “I had a backup plan.” 

That’s when your feet start to burn up, and you whip around to pump your legs, catching up with the man who’s already far down the hall. “What kind of backup plan?” you blurt, raising your voice because the crowds are starting to get noisier and deeper the further you follow him. 

He hooks his lips into a confused frown, “You’re awfully nosy.” 

“I’m in a pinch, my fiancé’s parents will kill me if I don’t show up to their party tonight.” 

“Your fiancé’s parents… will kill you?” 

“That’s an exaggeration,” you cough, immediately feeling self-conscious, “they’d kill me with their eyes. They’re really big, really pretty corporate people. They have high expectations for their future in-law.” 

“Ah, and you're the country pumpkin who managed to sweep the rich guy off his feet?” 

“Something like that,” you reply, rocking on your heels, “my dad was his dad’s former secretary, and we grew up together.” 

The stranger with a plan stops in front of a long line. It’s so long that you’re not entirely sure where it leads to. People are piling out the door two at a time, and you can see they’re trying to get through the process as fast as possible. The window leading outside is blurry and caked in white ice. He hooks one leg over his luggage, the metal and plastic case is so high that his feet barely touch the ground. Like a kid with a flat scooter, he wheels himself through the line. 

“These lines are for busses going in the direction of our flight,” he jabs a finger out the door, “if the flight got cancelled I was just going to ride one of these,” out of his pocket he pulls out two tickets, flicking it in front of your face.

“Are there any tickets left?” your eyes bug, and you immediately pull out your phone to reserve a spot. 

“Nah, been booked since last month.” 

It’s then that your eyes zero in on the second ticket he has in hand. Both tickets are addressed to the same name. You lower your phone in your pocket, narrowing your eyes. “Why do you have two for yourself?” 

He pats his luggage as a response. 

“That’s not fair!” 

“It is when you buy it, sweetheart.” 

“A literal human could be in that spot, wanting to go home for Christmas!”

“You’re just salty you don’t have a ticket, don’t take it out on my luggage,” he feigns a pout, rubbing the handle of the heavy container, “you’re hurting it’s feelings.” 

It doesn’t take long for you and the stranger to reach the end of the line. To others in line the two of you look like two companions bickering good-naturedly, but in reality the only thing you want to do is slap that smug smile off his face. 

“You want my ticket,” he states. 

“I want your luggage’s ticket,” you bite back, staring petulantly at where he sits comfortably between the handle. 

Unbeknownst to you, the man’s face morphs into a teasing grin upon seeing you glare a little too hard at the silver and black case. It just so happens that your eyes gravitate to the middle of the luggage, at the apex between his long legs leading up to a pair of black sweats. Despite the soft, baggy fabric you can see how the bulge of his thighs outline the thin cotton, looking large and inviting which—

Fuck. You’re engaged. Why are you checking out some stranger’s thighs? Your fiancé also has nice thighs, think about those! 

“How much do you want for it?” you cough, crossing your arms and turning to the side to hide your flaming cheeks. 

“Who said I was offering?” 

“I’ll pay that and then some.”

“With your rich-boy’s money?” 

If your hands were not digging into your elbows and you weren’t so concerned about your gold-foiled manicure, you’d deck him. Do the holidays normally make this person so snappy? He simply flips his hair, and you catch the shaved ends of his sides. 

“Three-hundred,” he says easily, and if he notices you staring he doesn’t say anything, “including any extra fees for my luggage.”

“Done,” you hold out your hand for him to shake. 

“I’m Jungkook, if you care,” the man named Jungkook adds wryly, practically swallowing your small hand with his larger one. You shortly reply with your name, and he merely nods, “a thank you would suffice.” 

“Thanks,” and it’s then that you manage a scarily pretty smile, one that Jungkook finds both alarming and amusing. It’s a catered smile, one that you’ve trained yourself to accomplish after hours in the mirror in fear of your fiancé’s parents seeing right through you. It’s the smile you give during work when you don’t give a shit but you need to suck it up. It’s a 9/10 success rate. 

“Scary,” he shivers, and then you realize he’s the 1/10. 

The only bus for you two to pile on is one of the smallest. Probably half the size of a regular coach bus, but at this rate you don’t care. You’ll fly by hot air balloon if the weather wasn’t so crappy. 

“Taehyung!” you startle at Jungkook’s sudden belt, and he does a big, beefy-chested bro-hug to the driver. Ah, so he has connections. You watch the two interact from your corner, pulling up your hood to stop the rapidfire snowflakes from pelting your eyes. 

The driver is a classically handsome thing, dark eyes and dark fluffy hair. His paperbag pants look absolutely frigid however, and his teeth are chattering as he regards Jungkook with annoyed eyes. 

“Listen, so plans have changed—”

“As always, Kook.” 

“—and I need you to do me another solid. Do you have room in the compartment for my babies?” 

“The answer is, and always no. That’s why you bought two tickets.” 

“I know but,” he gestures to you with a jab of his thumb, “like I said, plans have changed.” 

“Jungkook,” Taehyung frowns, “trying to do some Christmas miracles? In this snowstorm?” Taehyung shakes his head, eyes flickering to the running bus. Most of the ticket holders are already on it. “I can save you two a three-seater, but there’s no room in the compartment. It’ll be a tight fight but—” 

“It’s perfect. You’re dynamite, Tae,” Jungkook even has the audacity to reach his hands out and squish the driver’s cheeks, much to his distain. 

The two of you are ushered quickly into the bus, leaving you in the very front diagonal to where Taehyung is sitting. The three seats are tiny, it probably barely fits Jungkook’s thighs with the large luggage nestled in the other two seats. The two of you suggest to put the luggage out in the aisle and take turns holding it, but Taehyung interjects that the luggage is a fire hazard. 

“But not a human,” Jungkook decides, and he gestures for you to sit down in the available seat. You’re practically shoved against the window as Jungkook manages to squeeze his gargantuan luggage in the other two seats. He’s tall enough to grab the metal rungs of the bus, steeling himself in the middle of the aisle.

Taehyung doesn’t fight with that, and finally puts the bus into drive. Pulling out of the airport feels akin to leaving the eye of the storm. It’s going to be a long journey, and it makes you worry as to whether you’re going to make it on time or not. 

Your favorite pastime is watching the window on a long car ride, especially when the snowflakes crystalize and melt away through the warmth of the vehicle. However, you’re irked. You thought Jungkook was a bit of a wank, a little too full of himself and far too mysterious for your own good. 

Exhibit A, the luggage that’s currently threatening to wheel over and crush you against the glass. You wonder what’s so special about this luggage that Jungkook so desperately wants to protect, even so far as to buy its own seat. Sneakily, you lean over to smell the zipper. Surprisingly, it smells a little vinegary, the fumes getting you a little lightheaded within seconds. Your eyes dart to Jungkook, who’s currently engaged in conversation with Taehyung. You tilt your head and sniff again, confirming the slightly rancid smell. 

It’s then you take in Jungkook’s form once more. He dresses a little schlubby, his clothes are old, his eyes are sunken in, and his luggage is filled with weird-smelling things. 

Oh no. Is Jungkook a drug dealer? 

Your fiancé’s parents would surely have a fit if this man gets arrested and you come up in the report as an accused accomplice. It makes sense, he would want to make sure that his goods are in his view at all times, and it explains why he so easily gave you his ticket for triple the actual price. 

A giggle interrupts your thoughts. Yes, a tired, yet bubbly giggle. Jungkook’s face is pressed against his bicep, and you catch the fluttering of his eyes as he tries to keep up with Taehyung’s rambling. His grip is starting to loosen on the metal bars, and you’re worried that he might accidentally slip, or not hold tight enough in the event the car takes a sharp turn or slips on black ice. 

“J-Jungkook,” it’s the first time you’re saying his name out loud, tasting it on your tongue as you regard him steadily, “why don’t we take turns sitting? I don’t mind standing for an hour while you sleep.” 

He regards you with a sleepy smirk, shaking his head against the fabric of his jacket. “You’ll be flung in two seconds, besides can you even reach the handles?” 

Good point, but Jungkook is far more muscular and if he does end up flying he’ll crash through the window and further hinder your commute. It’s why you choose your next words carefully, and you convince yourself it’s the only reason as to why you propose your solution. 

“I’ll sit on your lap,” and since it sounds super weird coming out of your mouth, you tack on, “I’ll put your jacket over your lap as a barrier.” 

He slacks, regarding you with a scrunched face. “Is the jacket supposed to make that situation any better? I’m fine standing like this.” 

“This ride is going to take hours and you’re barely on your own two feet,” your point is made when the bus topples over a speed bump, and Jungkook looks awfully small as he moves to grapple the top bar with both hands, “my fiancé doesn’t get jealous, I’ve sat in plenty of friend’s laps before.” 

“We’re not friends,” he blurts with a raise of his brows.

“Yes, I know that,” you’re a little insulted by the curt reply, but he still looks rather horrified that you’re proposing the following, “I don’t like it either, but I’m sitting in your seat and now I’m feeling guilty as hell.” 

It’s a lot of shuffling and shifting after that. You try not to laugh as Jungkook rips off his leather jacket, folding it into a perfect square, ironing out the corners of the crinkly fabric as he gestures for you to take a seat. You try not to take note of how sturdy his thighs are, or how the muscle stretches across the seat so well that there’s no way for you to fall between the cracks. 

“You’re going to sleep anyway,” you try to assure him, side eying him as he presses his forehead against the window, “it’ll be like being with a dead body.” 

“Didn’t know you were into necrophilia, but whatever floats your boat,” Jungkook mumbles, eyes immediately fluttering shut. 

At first it was easy, ignoring the fact that you’re sitting on top of a human. The drive seems endless however, Taehyung driving further and further into a sea of white ice. You force yourself to thread your fingers together, sitting on the very edge of his knees with your back ramrod straight. Eventually, you tire out and relax against Jungkook’s lax body. Your face is centimeters away from Jungkook’s. Long, dark lashes, and a strand of equally dark hair falls in front of his eyes. His cheeks are flushed from the blaring heater, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. 

Hm, for a drug dealer, he smells pretty. 

Despite the weird-smelling luggage that looms over the two of you, the white long-sleeved shirt he wears is soft to the touch and smells fresh. 

You huff, and shift in your seat. 

“Stop,” Jungkook mumbles into your shoulder, and you don’t have the heart to look at him. 

“I’m sorry, it’s cramped,” you reply. 

“I get that, but you don’t have to—hike yourself so far up here,” he sounds almost embarrassed saying it, and his hand shuffles to adjust his belt. “Literally can’t sleep because you’re making me pop a boner.” 

“Why, I’m engaged!” 

“God, I know. It’s like your personality trait or something,” Jungkook retorts, “just because you’re engaged doesn’t stop my body from reacting. I’m sure your fiancé has reacted like this, stop acting like a blushing virgin.” 

You tense, your eyes glued to the window in front of you. How do you even make a comeback to that? Wringing your hands in your lap, you feel your palms sweat with nerves the longer it takes for you to reply. This causes the gears to run in Jungkook’s mind. 

“Holy fuck, have you two not—” 

“Shut up,” you hiss, turning your body around to slap him in the chest, “shut up shut upupupshutup!” 

You make seething, burning eye contact with Jungkook. You expect him to have a shit-eating grin on his face, teasing you for your relationship. Instead, Jungkook is wide-eyed, mouth parted open like a confused guppy and his big bug-eyes looking stricken. He says nothing. 

The road starts to get bumpier, and the drive swerves from time to time to avoid black ice. Neither of you are relaxed. Combined with the heart of the storm, your heart is currently wrung on electrical wire, pumping blood with a fervor you cannot stifle. 

“I’m going to put my arms around your waist,” Jungkook murmurs softly, and you lift your arms slightly to see him lace his fingers over your belly button. “Like a seatbelt.” 

You sigh, relaxing in his hold. Now it’s awkward. He feels compelled to hold you to keep you safe, even though he clearly finds it awkward you’ve already put him in this position. 

Jungkook isn’t so bad, you think as you let your gaze linger on his hands. They anchor you to his lap, making sure you’re not jostling during the ride. He may have a razor sharp tongue and gets under your nerves just for the heck of it, but he’s kind of nice. Under the prickly leather jacket, there’s a softness to him you can’t help but gravitate to. 

It’s dark outside, save for the speedily descending flakes and the dim lights of the highway. You’re sitting on the lap of a total stranger, yet it’s a stranger who’s holding your waist like he’s a seatbelt, a stranger who’s making you feel safe to say the words that have been haunting you for the past few months. 

“I’ve tried to initiate sex,” you finally say. “I don’t know why he doesn’t want me, it’s already been two years.” 

Your eyes turn red with bloody horror. Your vision blurred by the insanity of what you’ve just blurted out to this surprisingly kind stranger who’s offered his seat (both times) to you. 

“I didn’t mean to word vomit like that. Forget I said anything—” 

“Must be his loss,” Jungkook cuts you off, and when he says it doesn’t feel impolite at all. However, Jungkook doesn’t continue on, doesn’t give you rhyme or reason, just lets you linger on his reply like a madwoman. 

Maybe it’s because you’re so touch starved, maybe you’re just seeing things, but for some reason Jungkook’s fingers feel more apparent against the seam of your jacket. They tighten a fraction, drum around the metal zipper that holds the thick fabric together. Your palms feel like a fountain, and you try to ignore the burn between your legs, the liquid heat betraying the commitment that sits on your finger. 

You’re engaged to be married, you chastise yourself. All eighteen carats that symbolize that bond glare at you, bright and eager to make you feel guilty. The whole reason why you’re on this cramped bus ride is to get to your soon-to-be husband. Some pretty stranger with strong hands won’t change that. 

“We’re here! Finally!” Taehyung cheers, and you realize now that you’re parked into a tunnel surrounded by other buses. 

Jungkook and you wait until everyone steps off the bus. The pads of Jungkook’s fingers play an unsung tune, absentmindedly drumming to a song you can’t put your mind to. 

“God, you can’t just pay the extra money for someone to take care of this?” Taehyung hauls the large luggage in the aisle seat, and you feel like you’re being revealed under a curtain, doing something you’re not supposed to be doing. 

You hop off his lap, scoop your backpack in your arm and scramble off the bus. The cold, winter air bites into every available pore in your body, replacing the warmth that Jungkook gave in the tiny bus. You hike the collar of your oversized turtleneck higher up your chin, prickling in shivers as you wait for Jungkook. 

“I don’t remember Seoul being this, empty,” you say to yourself, frowning at the lack of humans past the bus station. You peer curiously at the dark, dark road off the terminal. There’s no flicker of light, or a skyline filled with bustling sounds and flickering head beams. 

“That’s because we’re only halfway there,” Jungkook walks past you, luggage in tow. 

“What?” you pull out your phone, it’s already 4PM and it’s pitch dark outside. 

The snow is beating down as you two speed walk out of the hangar, reaching a nearly vacant parking lot save for a pure white minivan. You barely notice the vehicle with all the snow, blending in perfectly as wave after wave of ice beats down on it. The pops of rust by the tires, gaudy orange stripes is the only thing you can focus on as you try to make it to the car as fast as possible. 

“Get in and start the car,” Jungkook practically shoves the keys in your hands, gesturing for you to take the passenger seat. 

When you enter his car, you’re hit with a scent scarily identical to the one in Jungkook’s luggage. You nearly gag when you inhale too much, and your eyes flicker over to the lemon air freshener attached to the exhaust, trying its best to mask the smell. You vaguely remember all the warning stories your parents told you as a kid—never enter the white van. 

Ohmygod, you’re in a white van and all of Jungkook’s drugs are in the back. 

You shake your head, willing the car to start as you arch your back over the console to start it up. You’ve been around your fiancé’s parents too long, letting them fill your head with judgemental gab and crazy assumptions only rich people have about people lesser than them. 

Once the car spurs to life, soft holiday music plays from a pop station. The front window of the car is absolutely covered in snow, you can’t even budge the windshield wipers to scrape the layer of ice off. 

Suddenly, a blanket of ice slides off the window, swept to the concrete. You’re met with Jungkook’s toothy smile and horror-esque stare, and you have this jerk reaction to nervously laugh and jump in your seat. Your nails dig into the cheap fabric of your seat as Jungkook’s scary expression melts into a more softened one, as if happy to have gotten you to laugh in such sucky times. Jungkook continues to brush your windows, meticulously making sure no ice can cause any damage as you two go into the night. 

“Alright, let’s get this show on the road!” Jungkook whips the door open, throwing the snow brush at the space between your feet. 

As soon as he shuts the door, your stomachs growl simultaneously. 

The two of you break into a quick laugh, giggles that overlap the twinkly holiday chimes and the packed snow crunching under Jungkook’s boots. 

“After McDonalds,” Jungkook declares, setting up the GPS for a quick pitstop to the nearest fast food joint. 

Ten minutes into the drive, you pull into a generic food joint, too starved to find gourmet McDonalds. You make it a point to flick your card and lean over his body to meet the cashier, telling him you’re spotting the meal. Jungkook doesn’t complain, and tells the cashier to add in a vanilla sundae for good measure. 

Color yourself impressed, but you can’t help but gawk as Jungkook expertly sets up his food on the dashboard like a five-star meal, with fries in the cupholder and a burger unwrapped perfectly to catch any spills and to keep his fingers from getting greased up. For such a terrible snowstorm, he pulls out of the joint gracefully, a brief intermission in your long journey. 

“So, is my fiancé’s place far from where you need to be?” 

Jungkook shrugs, a stray fry hanging from his mouth. “It’s not far, not close either. I don’t mind, I like driving.” 

“Do you drive around a lot?” 

“Yeah, for work. It’s a little annoying that I have to spend Christmas alone, but it is what it is.” 

Pausing on your speculation, you take a big bite of your burger. You were hoping that your conversation would spur on a little more detail about his drug-esque job. However, all you start to feel is the heaviness of your fast food meal, stemming from your chest and filling your grease-filled stomach. 

“You’re spending Christmas alone?” you say, and you don’t mean to sound so sad saying it, but the thought of him being alone tonight makes you feel pinched with pain. 

“I can practically feel your puppy-eyes,” Jungkook shakes his head, not even needing to look at you as he focuses on the road. “I’m fine, don’t you worry.” 

“Do you wanna come to the party?” you offer, trying to sound as neutral as possible as you throw the suggestion on the dash.

“Not my thing,” Jungkook scrunches his nose, “with my line of work, I prefer to lay low.” 

Trying not to feel a hurt by the sudden (but expected) rejection, you practically eat your burger whole, eyes glaring on the road. You surmise it’s a valid excuse, drug dealers aren’t exactly one for highly-populated areas and with your fiancé’s reputation, you’re sure his parents would smell Jungkook’s reputation in a micro-minute. 

The drive isn’t anything special. You’re sure if it were spring, the foliage would be pretty and the sun would be setting into melty orange hues by now. It’s all black and white, boring shades that are aggressively pelting at the van and hindering your evening. 

“So, what other character traits do you have?” Jungkook cuts through your semi-brooding, as easily as one slices through butter, “other than the obvious that you’re engaged, and that you’re getting married. And oh yeah, you have a fiancé!” 

You scoff at his cheesy joke, folding your arms together. “I like spending time with my family. Watching movies under a weighted blanket. Plants.” 

His stare dips away from the road for a fraction, enough for you to catch that he’s rolling his eyes, “Fascinating. Not a plant person myself. I like those cute little succulents though. Had a bunch of those in college.” 

“I am also a ramen connoisseur,” you say pointedly, turning up your nose. 

“Ah, are you?” you smile a little when you see Jungkook’s eyes light up at the mention of food, “what’s the criteria for good ramen?” 

“Deep, creamy broth. Also, the egg. Gotta look like a custard-y, eggy sunset. It’s just,” you smack your lips together, mimicking a chef’s kiss, “perfect.” 

He chuckles, and goes on to tell you a story about a ramen shop he’s visited on his travels. It’s one he declares that you need to visit, one he still dreams about often. It takes a ferry and it’s a bit of a trek, but he says it’s worth it, and the eggs are as custard-y and sunset-y as you’d like. 

It’s between pockets of his story and pulling yourself out of this little bubble of a van you realize:  are you flirting with Jungkook? 

The longer this trip goes, the more your stares linger. They linger like the snow that sticks to the ground, unable to do nothing but cling. Layer after layer of confusing feelings, building up to a blizzard that you’re unable to quell. 

“So, your family’s also going to be at your fiancé’s party?” Jungkook asks, poking at yet another one of your personal facets. He’s being blatantly nosy, yet neither of you seem to mind. 

“Oh, no,” you shove your hands in your pockets, “they wanted to stay back in our hometown with the extended family. Y’know, the older members can’t really travel as much as they used to.” 

“Ah, so you’re splitting up your time,” Jungkook drums his hands on the wheel, eyes drooped slightly as he continues along the monotonous road, “your fiancé couldn’t make it?” 

“Couldn’t,” you reply lightly, “just, y’know, work.” 

“Been there, done that,” Jungkook replies, “I’m sure he missed out though. What’s your family like? Are they the type to bake cookies until 3 A.M.? Oh, or do they get wine drunk and talk shit about their annoying cousins—” 

“Jungkook,” the words fly out of your mouth before you can even think, “I’m engaged.” 

The weight of your words holds differently now. A whole day has passed with this man, and you’ve developed an attachment that simultaneously scares and thrills you. Not an hour goes by that you have to think to yourself that you’re taken, to the point that you can’t even tell what’s in your head and what’s being spoken out in the air. 

Instead of a snippy comment, a snarky retort of, “I know, I know!” like you anticipate, Jungkook stops the car. 

There’s no human trace for miles, so it doesn’t scare you when he slows down and pulls off to the side. He gears the car into park, roughly pulling the handle. He lays his arm over the steering wheel, turning his body so he can face you fully. The heat in the car suddenly feels too cloying, and you shrink in the seat as he leans in on you. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks, and from the looks of it, he’s genuinely hurt. 

“I—Jungkook,” you plant your feet on the ground, trying to find some power in this situation, “I mean I, we—you just can’t keep doing this.” 

“Do you feel like I’m trying to steal you away? Or, seduce you or something?” Jungkook is starting to talk himself into a stupor, eyes flickering from the window, to you, to behind you, and back to you. It’s almost jarring, seeing how self-conscious he starts to get without the presence of an audience. Gone is the smooth talker that you met at the terminal, willing to haggle it all for your cash. “Are you uncomfortable? Is it weird I have a crush on you?” 

“Wait, you have a crush on me?” 

He reels back, nearly pressing his head against the window. Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, exhaling deep from his lungs. “Adults still get crushes, y’know.” 

“Yeah, but not to people you met eight hours ago.” 

Jungkook arches a brow, “People fall for people in the most unlikely of ways.” 

That singular statement hits you, hard. 

Jungkook looks like he wants to get out of the van. He seems stuffy, and he unzips his coat and shoves it under his legs. 

“You’re cute,” he echoes the statement like he can’t believe that in a short amount of time, he’s attached to you, “you seem to have good taste, you love family, and your personality isn’t half bad,” the last bit is meant to be teasing, a lighthearted way to end his bout of emotion, but it only makes you ache further, “And it makes me upset knowing that you have to keep convincing yourself that you’re in a relationship that isn’t as fulfilling as you hope. This whole drive, you’ve been anxious about going to his parents, worrying that you’re not going to make it on time instead of relaxing with your family. Where you actually want to be.” 

“I also want to be with Jimin,” you say weakly, a half-hearted attempt to defend yourself. 

You never mentioned your fiancé’s name until this point. It makes Jungkook stiffen a little, finally putting a name to the man that’s supposed to have your heart. It makes the relationship concrete, palpable. 

“I’m sure you do,” Jungkook smacks his lips, evidently sealing the conversation to suffocate under the snow. 

Jungkook puts the car into drive, sliding back into your current route. 

“And to answer your question, Jungkook. No, you having a crush on me is not weird,” and smaller, quieter, you reply, “because it’s weird that I might have a crush on you, too.”

You know that Jungkook catches your statement, because he cranks the volume of the radio harder, effectively shutting you out.  

The first thing Jungkook says when you finally reach the Park’s house is: “Wow.” 

His van looks completely out of place, parked on the side as limos and Escalades drop off more and more people into the large estate. It’s pouring with elegant piano music, and the large window in the middle of their home reveals a century-old chandelier, crystals beaming and winking against the hundreds of guests that lie underneath. 

The rest of the way driving was almost painfully fast. After that awkward wave of emotion, neither of you said anything. Well, you didn’t at least. Jungkook attempted to clear the air by singing along to the Christmas songs on the radio, but it only further attracted you because to your chagrin—Jungkook’s a pretty good singer. 

The estate isn’t in Seoul persay, it’s a sizable plot of land that definitely comes from old money. It’s decked up like the North Pole, lit up and tiny crystal lines dotting the expanse of the rooftops. The snow certainly adds to it, and many guests are outside taking pictures of the picture-perfect holiday show. The blizzard has finally subsided, leaving a clean blanket of snow across their yard.

You scoff to yourself. What they find to be a Christmas miracle only derailed yours. 

Jungkook stares at you while you send a quick text to Jimin. You tell him he needs to come fast, because you don’t want his parents to see you all sweaty and dressed like you’ve been traveling for hours. 

“Oh, uh,” you finally take a look at him, and you immediately regret it because you’re getting sucked into his gaze, “I think you put my bag in the trunk?” 

“Right,” he shakes his head, “follow me.” 

He tilts his head down when he’s outside, as if the snow’s going to start back up and drown him. Your thumb scratches the ring on your finger as you hop out of the van, effectively popping the bubble the two of you have been sealed in for the better half of the evening. Is this going to be it? Is the last you’ll see of Jeon Jungkook? 

All those thoughts evaporate when Jungkook opens the trunk. 

There’s no drugs. 

In fact, you don’t even know what to think. The van is absolutely filled, wall-to-wall art supplies and canvas carefully lined up like Tetris blocks to avoid damage. The floor of the van seems to receive the brunt of the messes, and you catch recent paint stains and spray cans stacked to the side. It explains the smell. 

There’s some clear cases in a corner, protecting completed prints that are already framed. Your eyes cling to a vibrant hyacinth, coral and satin blue petals bunching in the middle of a black background. It’s absolutely gorgeous, if it wasn’t for all the paint lying around, you’d think it’s real. 

Jungkook’s an artist. 

“Holy shit, I thought you were a drug dealer,” you blurt, and you want to smack yourself in the face. 

 “Excuse me?” Jungkook jerks his head towards you, “did you think I was a drug dealer this whole time?” 

“N-no,” you frown petulantly, letting Jungkook loop your arms through the straps of your backpack. “Maybe. You were very shady.” 

He laughs, a genuine laugh. It confuses you, the way he tucks his hands in his pockets and bends his back over to look up at you through his dark lashes. It’s like nothing’s wrong, like he’s trying to erase the past eight hours and leave with no qualms. You don’t know if that comforts you or terrifies you. 

“So, you were willing to let a potentially dangerous man be your travel partner for eight hours so you can make it to your fiancé’s party?” Jungkook’s eyes flicker over to the front door, “you must really love him.” 

“I do,” you say the phrase like it’s second nature. Rehearsed. Practiced. 

“Merry Christmas,” Jungkook pulls out his hand, and you don’t hesitate to grasp it. 

Liquid heat sparks through your skin, one that tingles from where his large palm encases yours, all the way to your heart. 

“Merry Christmas,” you echo, and your feet feel like lead as you back away from him. 

Jungkook waits until you go inside the house, even though the valet is side eyeing him and mentally telling him to leave already. Turning your back to him is rough, like you’re without snowshoes and you’re trudging through snow. 

The goodbye feels rushed. Your heart is cold and heavy. Unfortunately, by the time you realize you haven’t paid Jungkook for his bus ticket and the ride, it’s too late. Jimin has already pulled you in his awaiting arms, and Jungkook has peeled out of the driveway. 

“You look awful,” Jimin coddles you, dusting the invisible dirt off your jacket. You know Jimin means well by the statement, but you can’t help but feel a little unsupported by his words. You did all you could to make it to Jimin in time for this party full of faceless, nameless people. And yet, Jimin inadvertently manages to put you down for finally making it. 

The hallway is relatively empty, save for one staff member who cleans the wet linoleum floors whenever someone with snow steps in. You can easily make out where the heart of the party is, the tinkly holiday music playing from the speakers, along with all the bodies huddled by the extra large Christmas tree that is brimming with presents. 

You do feel like a wet noodle, in comparison to Jimin and Namjoon’s complementary pinstripe suits. Jimin’s deep burgundy suit pops in the endless hallway of marble and light wood as he quickly leads you upstairs to a spare room for you to change. Namjoon’s more muted grey still looks stunning on him, cutting his tall figure nicely. You think it’s cute that Jimin made an effort to match with his assistant, not making him feel out of place in this big party. 

“I hope you don’t mind,” Namjoon interjects softly, gesturing to the garment bag hanging on the boudoir, “I picked out your dress.” 

“I’m sure whatever you bought is beautiful,” you assure softly, stepping fully into the room. It’s an extra bedroom, you’re assuming it might be yours. 

“We’ll give you some time to freshen up and get ready,” Jimin squeezes your arm, a touch you can barely feel due to the puffiness of your down jacket. It’s just an awkward escape of air to you, a sssttt that you catch Namjoon hiding his smile for, “we’ll walk around a bit and bring you some food.” 

“I want cupcakes,” you blurt impulsively, and the two of them laugh on their way out the door. 

Once you’re finally alone, you strip yourself bare. Jacket, shirt, socks, underwear. You make quick work of taking a hot, damp towel to wash your arms and legs, scrubbing your face of any oil and dirt from the day. You wrap yourself in an indulgent fluffy robe, the plush material comforting you as you flop on the bed. 

It’s been a day. 

You take a five minute cat nap, the weight of the day taking its toll on you. When you finally flutter your eyes open however, you see him. 

It’s not exactly him, it’s his art. It’s mounted right atop the headboard, a large blown up painting of a tiger lily. The orange and gold flecks flicker and go perfectly with the decor of the room. The piece is longing, aching for you to go back to two hours ago when you could’ve phrased your words better, balm the situation into something to salvage. This must be a sign, you think. Upon closer look, you see the signature Jeon JK etched in silver in the corner. Who knew the Parks were buying Jeon Jungkook’s work, the world is smaller than you’d originally thought. 

It ignites you. You rip the zipper of the garment bag, pulling on the slinky glittery gold dress Namjoon picked out for you. It’s gorgeous, and you don’t know how he managed to find your proportions, but you figure an assistant of his caliber has access to many things. You don’t have much time, so you slap on some light makeup and swipe some highlights across your eyes. By the time Jimin returns, you’re pulling your hair up and out of your face. 

Jimin walks to the bed with a pretty red velvet cupcake, “You look beautiful,” he says immediately, and you follow to sit with him at the foot of the bed. 

You don’t hesitate to grab the cupcake from his tea plate, nearly shoving it in your mouth. You definitely need a rush, something to curb you over for the plans you have tonight. “Sugar sugar,” you chant like a mantra, and you don’t care that your lipgloss is smudged and crumbs cling to your cheeks. 

Jimin just rubs circles onto your thigh, letting you eat and relax. He knows you’re not a fan of these kinds of parties, preferring to wallflower it, preferably at  a wall closest to the buffet. His touch is comforting, and you chew slower in order to prolong the inevitable. It takes a beat for you to finish your cupcake. 

“I need to talk to you,” the two of you blurt at the same time, and you point and giggle at each other like you’re still five year olds tinkering in the sandbox. 

Jimin pouts, “Can I go first? Mine’s kind of important.” 

“Mine’s also really important,” you don’t mean to invalidate Jimin, but you really need to get this out. “I might explode if I don’t say this now.” 

The blonde scrunches his nose, obviously weak to your unusual distress, “I guess I wouldn’t want that.” 

You clutch his hand, the hand that holds the plain wedding band he picked out for himself two years ago. Your eyes flicker to how your ring kisses his, “Jimin. I love you, like really love you. I can’t imagine my life without you, you’ve been my best friend since we could crawl. But as I traveled down here, I realized that even though I love you, I think I’m not in love,” you wince at how cheesy that sounds, “I don’t want you to feel like you’re not good enough, but the whole trip down here made me realize I don’t think I can commit to this.” 

“Oh, thank fuck,” you gasp, watching relief wash over Jimin’s features. You’re not even done with your whole spiel and he’s already unbuttoning his blouse, “this makes what I’m about to say a whole lot easier.” 

“Jimin,” you trail off, squeezing his palm, “what do you mean?” 

“I mean, I think I’m in love.” 

Your jaw slackens slightly, seeing the sweat that lines Jimin’s slicked back hair. He must’ve been thinking about this all night, waiting for you to tell you this. Your chest aches, weighing in on all the sudden facts. “Who is it?” you ask. 

Jimin shrugs, “The man who does my taxes and makes sure I sleep at least seven hours a night.” 

“Namjoon,” you conclude, eyes moving to the sealed door. You think Namjoon is waiting out there right now, silently supporting you two as you go through this. Of course, Jimin’s parents would be livid if anything would tarnish his reputation. A broken engagement would be sticky to cover up, and Jimin falling for his assistant is a headline right for the books. 

“I’m sorry,” Jimin whispers, despite the room being vacant he feels the need to keep his words short, “You came all this way to hear this. But I guess we’re on the same page, huh?” His soft fingers make a beeline for your ring finger, removing the diamond band, “And by the way, I love you too. Which is why we’re going to come clean in the morning and work this out with my parents, together. I’m sorry if you felt obligated to follow me all this time just because our parents did.” 

“Hey, like you said, we’re in this together. Both in and out,” you chastise, pulling your engagement ring from his grasp and holding it to the light. “Can I keep this? Instead of an engagement band, it can be our best friend band. I’ll even get it re-sized so it can go on another finger.” 

Jimin pulls you into his arms, crushing you. The silky material of your dress bunches and rides, but you don’t care. The two of  you can’t help but be a little crybaby-ish about it, feeling much like your younger-selves when you had to pull each other out of trouble. 

The two of you walk out of the bedroom hand-in-hand, and Namjoon is leaning against the banister in the hallway, a soft smile melting on his tanned skin. 

“I’m so happy for you,” you gush, hugging Namjoon tightly. You’ve only known the man for a few months, but you can tell he’s taking care of Jimin and that’s enough for you. 

“I… really thought you’d be more upset.” Namjoon marvels, patting your back. 

Jimin interjects, “I think she’s found someone hotter than me.” 

“Impossible!” 

You could stay at this party, lay low until you and Jimin have to confront his parents in the morning. They suggest to get all the food they need and sneak out to the home theatre. The three of you hustle it down the stairs to another part of the house, in order for you to make your getaway and avoid Jimin’s family. 

“Hey,” you stop in front of another painting, pulling the two men to a stop. Your eyes lock on a framed droopy peony, tipped with pink dye. You realize you can’t stay here, not when someone’s home alone tonight. “Namjoon, I need you to locate someone for me.” 

Jungkook does not expect to see you at his front door. 

You’re stunning, and look as breathless as he feels. The liquid champagne number that hugs your frame does things to him, and he’s strangely attracted to the fact that you paired this expensive dress with your snow-drenched trainers. 

You showing up at the wee hours of the morning was the last thing Jungkook thought would happen. It’s nothing short of a holiday event, you look like you’ve just walked out of a gala and then ran a marathon to reach him. 

He thought when he said goodbye, it would be the last time you’d cross paths. At first, he was okay with that. After all, feelings come and go, and spontaneity only works a percentage of the time. Seeing you presently however, throws all those half-hearted concedings out the window. 

“Hi,” you finally say, drinking from the fact that you actually found him. 

“Hey,” Jungkook breathes, “you look, beautiful.” 

“Thanks,” you smile. 

“So, is this about you not paying me back for the ticket?” Jungkook suddenly feels guilty, having dipped out of Jimin’s manor once he saw him appear at the door. It was unrightful jealousy, and because of that he needed to drive away as fast as possible. “Because honestly, it was me messing with you. I really don’t need the money.” 

“I figured, from the fact that I had to take the elevator up to the penthouse of the building.” 

“So then why are you here?” Jungkook wobbles on the balls of his feet, unsure of what to do with himself. 

“My ex-fiancé is in love with someone else,” you lay your cards out just like that, and Jungkook’s unprepared to deal.  

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry—” 

“Let me finish,” you cut in gently, “my ex-fiancé is in love with someone else, and that’s okay. We’ve been best friends since we were little, and we want nothing but happiness for each other. And for me? Happiness is right in front of me.” 

You bite your lip, and Jungkook fights down the urge to run up and pull you into his arms. You must be so cold, running out without a jacket and rushing to his home. However, he lets you finish, and he holds himself down by clutching the door frame as casually as possible. 

“I also have a big, fat crush on you,” you say boldly, “and I had to tell you as soon as I could. It took a twenty-minute phone call and some serious leverage from Jimin’s company to figure out where you lived. That receptionist is definitely not letting me use my frequent flyer miles next flight.” 

“You harassed an airport receptionist just for me?” he smiles wanly, placing a hand on his chest, “I’m touched.” 

“You make me excited to try new things, to be spontaneous and do things for myself,” with every statement you take a step further, and soon enough you’re in his dimly lit apartment. The plush couch in his living room looks awfully warm and comfy, and the light music that plays from his speakers is soft and soothing. “So, let’s spend the holidays together and see where this goes. And go to your art gallery tomorrow, because I did research you on the drive and found out you had to rush here because of a big show.” 

“So you’re actually a stalker?” Jungkook teases, tugging you over to the couch. 

He takes the lead, plopping himself on the couch first and inviting you to sit next to him. You take a detour and plant your body atop of him, and with an ‘oof’ the two of you are sinking. 

“A stalker and a potential drug dealer does sound like a promising pair,” Jungkook jests, his hand palming the silky material of your ruched up ball gown. 

“I’m sorry,” you pout, wrapping your fingers around the long tresses of his hair, “can you please stop bringing that up? It was judgemental of me.” 

“I like when you’re judgemental,” he pokes your puppy-faced cheeks, ruddied with embarrassment. “I like picking fights with you and getting you all riled up.” 

“Will you rile me up now?” 

Sexy, he thinks. He figures a vixen has been hidden under you, one suppressed by a complicated engagement and many other factors he’d love to learn about in the near future. The situation at hand however, is far more pressing. Your body is finally warming up, and Jungkook tries to ignore the weight your body is causing, re-igniting an ache he felt hours ago when you two were squished against each other in the coach bus.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” you declare, and you look a little frustrated that Jungkook is taking so long to process this information, “and I hope I take your breath away.” 

You taste like sugar and the softness that comes with the holidays. It’s tender and oh-so comforting, and Jungkook can’t help but squeeze your hips closer as your lips brush fervently against his. The feeling is both new and old, and Jungkook figures you’ve finally uncoiled a flame that you can no longer quell. 

Soon enough your kisses turn hungry, and Jungkook has to remind himself that you two have only known each other for a total of twelve hours, and he isn’t sure of what’s appropriate to jump to due to the speed of your relationship. Once he feels the first roll of your hips, a liquid heat that Jungkook can’t help but return back, he pulls away from your soft lips. Not too far, but a few centimeters apart so that Jungkook and you can catch your breath. 

“We should take this slow,” he starts, trying to make a reasonable impression now that you’re a guest at his home and finally settled from their long trip. “I really, really want to get to know you. And you’re so beautiful and I really do want to have sex but—” 

“Jungkook, I have not had sex with someone in two years,” you speak with a depraved tone, as if it’s been centuries since you’ve been touched. He can’t help but throw his head back and laugh, “a night full of sex sounds like the best last-minute present ever.” 

You bring his hand over to your core, the shiny glassy material of your gown doing nothing to hide the glimpses of pleasure you’re minutes away from experiencing. You whine desperately at the thought, and Jungkook’s a goner. 

“Well, I guess I’m about to pull a Christmas miracle,” he murmurs against your lips, ready to work his magic. 

[matchamabs]

I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good. 

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys 

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier 

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me 

[zeldahime]

r/Relationship_Advice

this is my gift to @omgpurplefattie​ for the Eat Rocks,Troll! Xiyao exchange! The ao3 link will be in the first reblog, and a transcript can be found under the readmore!

r/Relationship_Advice

Trying to Make Sworn Brotherhood Work - posted by u/throwRAthirdbrother

This is an unusual situation, but I really want to make this work.

Me (20M), my close friend Blue (20M), and his friend & my former boss Green (22M) swore ourselves to each other in a sacred ceremony to bring our families closer together. I went into this hoping that it would bring the three of us closer together too -- Green and I had a bit of a spat about two years ago, and he still harbors resentment from the incident. 

Green still sometimes treats me like I'm his employee, while also expecting me to be able to reverse my father's decisions. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it, but suffice to say Green should know I have no influence over what he or his company does. Regardless, it's best to appease him. Green has a disorder that makes emotional regulation difficult; even with his medication, he is prone to fits of rage or paranoia, which often cast me as the "bad guy." I know that based on just this information, many of you will tell me to dump him; that is not an option I want to pursue at the moment. I want to explore every option to overcome our problems, not dispose of them.

This situation is putting pressure on my relationship with Blue as well -- he's a wonderful, kind, generous man who I admire greatly, and I don't wish for all our time together to be spent talking about Green. Currently, he is teaching me the qin, and how to play the song Green's psychiatrist has recommended playing to help calm him; it is going well, and I wish to continue these lessons once I have learned the song. However -- we're both very busy, and have limited time together. I'm afraid that when all our interactions revolve around Green, I am not as able to savor it as much as I would like. 

I seek advice about how to better manage Green, so that his fits do not escalate, and to repair our relationship. I truly do want to come to a better place with him, where we can interact on a more even footing; in the meantime, I need to remain safe. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I welcome your guidance especially. 

Thank you very much in advance.

Replies: u/AnOriginalCharacter: okay question: are you married to them? it sounds like you're married to them. anyway. you should probably divorce green. 

u/TheManWithTheFan: SAN-GE! dont worry i wont tell da-ge ;) but hes being a big jerk about the whole xue yang thing & probably give him a day or two to calm down before you come back to our house? anyway. hed be a lot calmer if you just kissed him i think. ill give him some books to explain his Big Emotions (in his heart, and other places). and dont worry about er-ge! hes definitely going to keep giving you.... "private lessons" wink wink

u/throwRAthirdbrother: Don't you dare.

u/TheManWithTheFan: ;) ;) ;)

u/throwRAthirdbrother: You already gave him the books, didn't you.

u/JiangYanli: This is certainly a complicated situation! DH's brother is going through something similar. I think a good first step would be to sit down with Green and have a conversation about the incident from two years ago -- and crucially, to apologize for whatever parts of it caused the most hurt. I know that is the hardest part, but it also needs to happen in order for your relationship to begin to heal. I also hope that you know that your friends and family are there to support you -- don't hesitate to reach out to them! I would be honored if my BIL trusted me enough to ask for my help, and I am sure there are people in your life for whom this is true as well. Best wishes, Yanli.

u/throwRAthirdbrother: Thank you for your advice. I am sure your brother-in-law appreciates your kindness. ^_^

u/Xiyao_troll:  YTA for letting a toxic relationship go on for so long. You should break up with both of them before everything inevitably collapses, move away, and never talk to either of them again so that they can both move on. Maybe marry a nice girl who isn't your half sister.

u/yiling-laozu: wrong sub, fuck off

u/AnOriginalCharacter: woah dude harsh??? just because him and green don't get along doesn't mean he needs to burn everything to the ground smdh. & what are you talking about with the sister thing? he literally did not mention any girls at all?

u/yiling-laozu: oh shit dude! i'm going through the same thing kind of, like the guy i'm in love with hates my guts, so anyway i solved this issue by moving to the outskirts of a village in the middle of nowhere and not answering my phone for five months. it's kind of miserable to eat nothing but top ramen while we wait for our vegetable harvest but you know what, it's better than seeing him every day knowing he hates me? i don't recommend it but i don't not recommend it ykwim

u/throwRAthirdbrother: Our situations are not the same at all.

[kinksvt]

let me watch (m)

→ pairing: jeonghan x reader, wonwoo x reader, mingyu x reader, soonyoung x reader

♕ summary: when your coworkers come over for drinks, the night takes a not so unexpected turn.

✱ genre/warnings: overstimulation, degradation, dirty talk, rough sex, anal, double penetration, little bit of boy kissing boy action (not much)

✱ word count: 6.8k+

a/n: hello everyone!! so sorry it took me forever to post so hopefully this very long (and very sinful) smut makes up for it!! enjoy! :D

Today went by oddly slow for you. At your job, not very many people had come in to cash checks, open an account, etc. You sighed as you checked the time to see you still had over half an hour left until you could go home. Outside of your office you could see only one person talking your coworker at the front desk.

"Hey Y/N, you got a minute?" A voice said suddenly, when you shut your eyes for a quick second. It was your coworker and one of the first people you made friends with when you started working.

"Hey Mingyu! What's up?"

He walked inside of your office, "I was wondering if you wanted to come with me and a few other of my friends for drinks tonight? Since today's been really slow?"

"Sure! Who else is coming?" You replied, grinning.

"Just Wonwoo, and Soonyoung," Mingyu flashed a smile. "We can meet in the lot after work?"

"Sounds like a plan." You returned a smile to Mingyu as he left your office.

You were close with Mingyu and you only talked to Soonyoung once or twice for information on some accounts you were closing. You hadn't met Wonwoo yet and you were a bit nervous to. You pulled your phone out to text your boyfriend, Jeonghan.

[5:26 pm] You: hey baby! im gonna get some drinks with some friends after work, is that alright?

You and Jeonghan never really had an exactly "strict" relationship, per se. You weren't in a poly relationship, but not exactly a monogamous one either. Jeonghan didn't mind if guys looked, or touched, because he knew at the end of the day, you would still be his. He trusted you with his entire being and you never took advantage of that.

[5:27 pm] Jeonghan: girls or guys?

[5:27 pm] You: guys

[5:27 pm] Jeonghan: of course

[5:28 pm] Jeonghan: or

[5:28 pm] Jeonghan: you could bring the drinks to them?

[5:28 pm] You: what do you mean?

[5:29 pm] Jeonghan: invite them over, i wanna meet them

[5:29 pm] You: jeonghan dont be gay

[5:30 pm] Jeonghan: shut up haha, just come back home with them. plus i already miss you and i dont wanna spend anymore time alone

[5:30 pm] You: hmm, alright we'll see..

[5:31 pm] Jeonghan: heh, i love you baby

[5:31 pm] You: i love you too jeong, ill see you soon

It was finally closing time and you gathered your things, heading to the back towards the parking lot. You said goodbye to familiar faces and pushed the heavy door open. Just as Mingyu said, he and his two friends were waiting. You recognized Soonyoung but Wonwoo, was much more attractive than you were imagining. His hair was dark and slightly curly, round glasses sat on the bridge of his nose. Wonwoo was unbelievably handsome and you couldn't help but silently admire his looks.

"Oh, there she is- Y/N!" Mingyu said, snapping you out of your daze.

You blushed faintly as you walked towards them, looking down at the ground—missing the way Wonwoo scanned over your body. "Hi," you spoke shyly.

"Y/N, this is Soonyoung," Mingyu gestured towards the latter as you two bowed your heads politely. "And this is Wonwoo."

You nervously bowed at Wonwoo also while he did the same.

"So, should we head to Lee's Bar downtown?" Soonyoung questioned, rubbing his hands together.

"A-Actually! Uhm, I was wondering if we could make a change of plans?" You interrupted. You continued when all three of the men looked at you, "I-I was thinking that we could just, head to my house? And drink there?"

The men all glanced at each other curiously. "How come?" Mingyu asked.

"Well, we wouldn't have to pay-"

"I'm in," Wonwoo said, earning a laugh from the other two—and a slight giggle from you.

"Let's go!" Soonyoung said, skipping happily to his car.

...

The guys followed your car as you drove home, which gave you plenty of time to call Jeonghan and let him know that you four were on the way.

"Are they cute?"

You rolled your eyes as your boyfriend's laughter played in the background.

"C'mon, it's been so long since we had others join. Don't you think it'd be fun, kitten?"

"Jeonghan!" You exclaimed.

You heard Jeonghan laugh from the other line. "I'll see you at the house, kitten." Jeonghan ended the phone call, leaving you to internally, and not so internally, curse.

Damn him for turning you on.

...

"Wow, what a nice house!" Soonyoung shouted, closing his car door.

You forced a slight laugh, "Thanks." You headed up to the front door, fumbling to get your keys out.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Wonwoo asked, putting his hand on your shoulder.

Before you could respond, the door unlocked and opened, revealing your boyfriend with a big smile on his face. "Hello!"

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Soonyoung had confused looks on their faces as they all looked at you.

"Uh, guys, this is Jeonghan, my boyfriend."

You all walked inside the house and introduced them all. Jeonghan guided everyone to the kitchen where he began getting out different assorted drinks you two had in your cabinets.

Mingyu pulled you to the side, "Is it okay for us to be here? I mean like- is your boyfriend okay with it?"

"Oh yeah! He actually, uh, suggested it. He wanted to meet you all."

"Oh? Okay, I was just making sure." Mingyu smiled, showing off his canines which made you internally gush.

You and Mingyu joined the rest, who were laughing and seemed comfortable already. Everyone sat around the island, some drinking beer, some drinking wine.

"So how long have you and Y/N been dating?" Wonwoo asked Jeonghan.

Jeonghan looked at you, smiling. "Two years."

You nodded as Wonwoo's eyes flickered between the both of you. What neither of you knew though, was how hot of a couple Wonwoo thought you two were.

...

As the night progressed, everyone got more relaxed and loose. Soonyoung got more giggly, Wonwoo more flirty, Mingyu more shy and Jeonghan more suggestive. And you? You just knew something was bound to happen.

"Alright! Let's play 21 questions!" Jeonghan slurred slightly, opening up another can of beer.

"I didn't know we were back in grade school." You joked. "We might as well play Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven while we're at it."

Jeonghan smirked, his hand wrapping around your waist. "Well, the night is still young."

The guys drunkenly laughed as Soonyoung grabbed an empty bottle of wine you all had finished earlier. "Okay," he said as he spun the bottle.

"Wait, are we playing spin the bottle or 21 questions?" Wonwoo asked, confused.

"21 questions dumb dumb!" Jeonghan shouted, followed by a giggle.

"Alright, alright I'm sorry." Wonwoo held his hand up in defense, downing a shot of vodka.

"I'll spin first!" Jeonghan leaned over the island and spun the wine bottle, landing on Mingyu. "Hm, Mingyu." He said, pausing. "How many people have you slept with?"

Mingyu's eyes widened. He stuttered, glancing between Jeonghan and you. "U-Uhm, I, I-I don't-"

"Jeonghan! We didn't say this was going to be dirty!" You punched his shoulder, making him wince.

"C'mon Mingyu, how many?" Jeonghan poked, taking a sip of his beer.

Mingyu hummed before answering a quiet "3."

"Aw, so cute Mingyu!" Wonwoo threw his arm around Mingyu's shoulder, kissing the top of his head as he struggled to get out of his grip.

Mingyu's cheeks blushed while he spun the bottle landing on you. "Uh, Y/N, ahem, are you, a virgin?"

You smiled amusedly, curious to why Mingyu thought you were.

"She was before she met me." Jeonghan informed, winking at Mingyu.

You pursed your lips into a thin line, as you took a large chug of wine and spun in return. "Soonyoung, have you ever had a wet dream?"

Soonyoung coughed loudly, his drink going down the wrong pipe. He held his chest as Mingyu patted his back harshly. You smirked as you finished off your drink, feeling as confident and suggestive as your boyfriend. "I-I, I don't know? Maybe?"

You smiled deviously, succeeding in making him flustered. Soonyoung spun the bottle, trying to hide the warmth that spread across his face. "Uhm, Jeonghan." Soonyoung hesitated before continuing, "Where's the craziest place you've, done it?"

Jeonghan couldn't help but smile whilst thinking of the place.

It was during the summertime last year when you and Jeonghan stayed with one of his friends.

You wore an outfit that was slightly revealing, knowing it would mess with Jeonghan.

What you didn't know though, was that it would end up with him dragging you into the bathroom and fucking you on the sink. He held his hand over your mouth because you two had to be quiet, which only turned the both of you on even more. His friend was just in the kitchen, feet away.

Jeonghan could still hear you cries of pleasure in his mind, your whimpers and whines trying their best to stay silent.

He remembered the day vividly—a little too vividly.  "A-Anyway!" Jeonghan said, twirling the bottle and feeling his pants get tight.

"But Jeonghan you didn't-" Soonyoung started.

"I SAID ANYWAY." Jeonghan retorted back as Soonyoung shrunk in his seat. The neck of the bottle pointed at you and Jeonghan smirked. "Y/N," he began.

Uh oh. You had a bad feeling about this.

"If you had to fuck anyone here, who would it be?"

The room fell silent. The guests' hearts felt as if they stopped.

Why would Jeonghan ask such a question?

Even if they thought it wasn't appropriate for Jeonghan to ask, they all still found themselves on edge for your answer. They all desperately wanted it to be them.

Your cheeks felt as if they were on fire, you probably looked like a tomato in front of your friends, and your douchebag, horny boyfriend. "I don't want to answer that." Was all you could manage to get out as you looked into your glass and took a drink, avoiding eye contact with any of the boys.

You wanted to absolutely vanish into thin air right then and there. You knew Jeonghan didn't have any shame in you confessing who you wish to have sex with. But having to choose between three of your friends? In front of them?

"C'mon babe, I know that you find at least one of them attractive in that way." Jeonghan stated, eyeing each of the boys.

"Jeonghan, you are seriously making me feel uncomfortable. I can only imagine how they must feel." You refused to make eye contact with anything breathing until you were alone.

"I wanna know.." You looked up, meeting Wonwoo's gaze. He was looking at you, like he had been this entire night.

Wonwoo thought it was adorable how confident you were just minutes ago compared to how flustered and shy you are now. "Come on Y/N, don't be nervous. We all wanna know."

With that, everyone else's confidence was restored and they all waited on your answer.

"I-I don't know," you stuttered.

It's not that you didn't know. Hell, it wasn't even because you didn't want to answer. It was just, how were you supposed to choose only one? How were you supposed to confess that you'd screw everyone here?

"We won't be offended." Mingyu said, raising his eyebrow whilst speaking.

"Okay," you sighed. You closed your eyes and nervously breathed in. "I don't know how to choose." You simply said and the boys all looked at each other.

"Well, like Mingyu said, we won't be offended." Soonyoung mentioned.

"It's not that," you paused and took another breath in. "I just can't pick only one of you."

Soonyoung, Wonwoo and Mingyu's ears all perked up.

"Huh?" Mingyu made a noise.

Jeonghan smirked as his plan started to come together.

"Uhm, w-what I'm saying is that I'd-"

"She's saying she'd fuck all of you guys, okay?" Jeonghan stated, nonchalantly—opening yet another can of beer.

The room was still silent, aside from Jeonghan's slurping noises from next to you. You were actually kind of turned on, and so were the rest of the guys.

Jeonghan knew what everyone in the room wanted and he wasted no time in saying so. "Are we gonna all fuck or what? I'm getting kinda hard over here." You felt your cheeks getting warm at his question. Jeonghan took a few more sips and he exhaled loudly, standing up. "Come here kitten." He said, making your eyes widen in embarrassment.

"Jeonghan-" you began but he cut you off before you could finish. You were so flustered and for some strange reason, it turned you on. Jeonghan grabbed your wrist, taking you to the living room and the boys watched you two with their eyes.

Wonwoo turned to the other boys and mouthed, "Kitten?"

The two shrugged in response, looking back to you and Jeonghan.

"Jeonghan, what are you doing?" You hissed as he glanced over to the boys. They all looked at you both intensely, watching your every move and waiting for the next.

Smirking, he leaned down in your ear and whispered. "We're gonna give them a show." Jeonghan grabbed your chin and pulled your head closer to him, trapping your lips in a kiss. He held your jaw as you gasped in surprise. It felt wrong doing this in front of others, even though you've done it before. So, why did it feel so different now? How will things be after this? Will it be normal? Will things be awkward at work now?

All of those thoughts flew out of your mind when Jeonghan pushed his tongue into your mouth, making you moan softly. The boys all heard it and gulped, blood rushing down to all of their cocks. They watched as you and Jeonghan made out, seeing the different roles being played. You, of course, were the submissive and the fact it was so obvious how much power Jeonghan had over you, was—to say the least—extremely hot. Jeonghan had your face in his hand, him leading the kiss and you melting over it, following his steps. He grabbed your waist with his other hand and pulled you closer, making you feel his cock press against you. The others didn't know what to do, watching with drooling mouths and desperate eyes.

After you two made out for, what seemed like hours, Jeonghan pulled away. Both of your lips dark pink, glistening with each other's saliva. Jeonghan chuckled, "Get on your knees." You swallowed, his words affecting you to no end and you obeyed his command. Keeping eye contact, you lowered yourself to the ground and waited. "Watch and learn boys. Soon, you'll be able to be in this position. If you want to, of course." Jeonghan said to your audience. He began to unbutton his pants when midway he motioned his head to toward them to come closer.

Mingyu, Wonwoo and Soonyoung looked at one another, hesitantly standing up awkwardly. With their cocks hardening quickly, they moved slowly to the couch that was a couple feet behind you.

Jeonghan spoke to you in a hushed voice, "Look at how hard they all are already kitten." His eyebrow was raised, looking at the three and he shuffled out of his pants.

You looked back at them, noting the slight blush on their cheeks and—just as Jeonghan said—their stiff cocks, straining against their jeans. You bit your lip and took a leap of faith. "You guys can take those off if you want," you whispered, giving them all an innocent look.

Wonwoo was the first to move, smirking at you and undoing his belt. The others followed suit, making you smile to yourself. Jeonghan grabbed your chin and made you face him. He had his underwear on still, his hard cock evident against it. Jeonghan gave you a look, silently telling you to get going. "How about you show your little friends what that pretty mouth can do, hm?"

Nodding, you looked up at him as you slid your fingers underneath the waistband, beginning to drag them down his legs. Jeonghan's cock sprung out and you didn't hesitate to shuffle closer, kissing his head.

He hummed, running his fingers through your hair and gathering it all in a ponytail. Jeonghan mumbled, "Come on kitten, don't tease me."

You felt yourself blushing once more at Jeonghan using your pet name on you. You felt exposed now that they all knew you liked being called that. Doing as he said, you took Jeonghan's length in your hand and wrapped your lips around it. Jeonghan threw his head back, moaning and guiding your head slowly with his hand that held all of your hair. You stroked the part of his cock that you couldn't take, knowing already how to get Jeonghan close to the edge in minutes.

The others merely stared at you in awe. They all wondered how it must feel to be sucked off by you; from the way Jeonghan is moaning and groaning, it has be good. Mingyu bit his lip, swallowing and holding back his moans. Soonyoung was teasing the head of his cock, imagining he was Jeonghan instead and his hand was yours. Wonwoo stroked himself languidly, the tip an angry red; he's never been this turned on before in a long time. They all enjoyed watching you, the only noise filling the room being the pornographic sucking and gagging noises.

"Does it feel good?" Soonyoung asked quietly.

Jeonghan opened his eyes, looking at Soonyoung with half-lidded eyes. "God, yes. She always does." He took his lip between his teeth, looking back down at you.

You bobbed your head quick on Jeonghan's cock, slowing down when you started pulling off. An advantage of Jeonghan being completely whipped for you? Being able to get him off quicker than the average man because he enjoys what you do to him that much.

Jeonghan's moans started getting higher and more frequent, signaling that he was getting close. You took your hand and gently played with his balls, making him moan loudly. As best as you could, you took all of him in your mouth until his length hit the back of your throat. "Kitten," he rasped. "I'm gonna cum." Jeonghan threw his head back and his mouth opened, releasing a long, loud whine—cumming in your mouth.

You released his length with a pop noise and swallowed his cum, knowing it would please him even more. Jeonghan said and ran his fingers through your hair. "Such a good kitten for me." He smirked and leaned down to kiss you.

You whimpered as Jeonghan bit your lip and stood up straight, looking at the boys who were pleasing themselves. He walked over beside the couch they were on, in all of his naked glory. "How does another show sound, guys?"

They all glanced over at him.

"Another show?" Soonyoung questioned.

Jeonghan gave you a look and you nodded, knowing what he meant.

You unbuttoned your pants, slowly moving them down your legs. You thanked the Gods that you had shaved only a day beforehand. Making sure to keep eye contact with each of them for a few seconds, you stripped yourself of your clothes. Wonwoo kept stroking himself, feeling his cock get even harder as each piece of clothing landed on the floor. Mingyu wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he's had the biggest crush on you since you began working. And he's always admired the way you looked, even in work clothes. But seeing you like this, would be something he wouldn't forget for a very long time.

After you had stripped yourself of your clothes, you stood there only in your undergarments. You crossed your arms, feeling slightly self conscious in front of everyone.

"Can I touch her, Jeonghan?" Wonwoo asked suddenly.

"Yes, you can. You guys can do whatever you want with her, I know she'll enjoy it. Isn't that right, kitten?"

You gulped and hummed an approval, feeling like just a toy for them all to play with yet also a piece of art for them to worship. It made you feel a bit powerful also knowing that all of them were hard because of you and wanted to touch you, use you.

Wonwoo stood up, his cock against his stomach. You couldn't help but stare for a while, take note of the veins, length and his girth—which surprised you. "You like what you see, babygirl?" Wonwoo's voice sent a shiver up your spine and back down to your core. You crossed your legs, giving yourself a bit of friction between your thighs. He noticed and smirked, "Is that a yes?"

Wonwoo walked closer to you, intimidating you with his piercing eyes and dark stare. You nodded and he put his hand behind your neck, his mouth by your ear. "That's not an answer, sweetheart." His breath fanned your ear and neck, making you moan quietly. "She's easily flustered, yeah?" Wonwoo asked Jeonghan, yet still facing you.

"Oh yeah, definitely. Little kitten gets so shy whenever anyone does anything to her."

Wonwoo trailed his fingertip along your body, down your arm and down the front of your chest, creating goosebumps in its wake. "Is that so?"

"Wonwoo," you breathed out. "Please touch me." Your body was screaming and so was your pussy. You ached and wanted to be touched, badly. You weren't sure how much longer you could last without bursting.

"Needy, babygirl?" Wonwoo smirked and walked even closer to you that you could feel his hard-on pressing against your core.

You whined, slightly moving your hips to create more friction.

"Did your little pussy get wet from sucking off Jeonghan?" Before you could respond, Wonwoo's hand dipped between the two of you, between your thighs. His middle finger ran between your clothed folds, and he hummed. "You're soaked babygirl, you ruined your pretty underwear."

You whimpered at the feeling of Wonwoo's light touch, and also the way he talked to you—as if this wasn't his first time doing this with you. He seemed so natural and nonchalant about it all.

"You like it when your boyfriend watches other boys touch you?" His finger began rubbing you, stimulating your swollen clit. Wonwoo lowered his voice so only you were able to hear him, "Makes you feel like a slut, right?" Your eyebrows furrowed and you had to hold onto Wonwoo's shoulder. Lust clouded your mind and your knees grew weak, making him smirk at your reaction. "Go sit on the couch, babygirl."

You did, and it was then when you realized just how intently the other guys were looking at you. Mingyu's hair stuck to his forehead, Soonyoung's face was flushed and Jeonghan was, Jeonghan. All of the head of their cocks were red and you took a quick moment to admire the size difference, and girth difference. You were excited to say the least.

"Can you guys get on with it please? My boner is starting to hurt." Mingyu suddenly blurted out.

Wonwoo pushed you down on the couch, making you lay down. "Come join us then, little Gyu," he teased. Wonwoo's fingers hooked the band of your underwear and slowly pulled them down your legs.

"Fuck you." The latter retorted back while walking towards the both of you.

Wonwoo stood up, discarding your stained, damp underwear on the floor. "I mean, if you really want to." He got closer to Mingyu's face, challenging him.

Your clit throbbed at the scene. Wonwoo was more cocky and confident then you ever thought he was capable of, despite Mingyu having a couple inches on him. They both stared each other down, before Mingyu grabbed the side of Wonwoo's neck and slammed their lips together.

"Oh shit," You heard Soonyoung say on the side. Everyone's eyes widened as the two began making out roughly.

Gulping, you couldn't wait any longer and began touching yourself. You ran a finger up your folds, gathering your wetness and slowly inserting one inside of you. You bit your lip as you watched Mingyu and Wonwoo as best as you could before your eyes fluttered shut.

"Here, let me help you," a voice whispered next to you.

"Please," you mewled, whining, needing to cum soon.

Soonyoung grabbed your hips and turned you. He sat on the floor in front of your legs and lifted them over his shoulders. Without warning, Soonyoung's tongue entered you, making your back arch and cry out his name. He moaned against you, sending vibrations up your body. "Fuck angel, you taste so good." Soonyoung's tongue thrusted in and out of you, curling and poking. He sucked on your clit expertly and all you could do was spill out curses and chants of his name.

Wonwoo and Mingyu had stopped their harsh kissing once they heard you. Jeonghan, still sitting on the opposite couch, had his cock in his fist. He slowly stroked his length while watching how your face contorted and mouth open from how good Soonyoung ate you out. It turned him on to no end seeing all of them enjoy you so much. That was his girl.

Mingyu sat on the couch next to you and he couldn't help but smile darkly. You looked like a mess—a pretty mess, to him. He leaned in and kissed you, muffling your cries of pleasure. Mingyu sucked on your lower lip as a request of entrance and you accepted. His and your tongues rolled together in a way that had both of your heads spinning. You tried focusing on his tongue in your mouth but failed, only paying attention to Soonyoung's tongue in your heat.

Wonwoo felt left out and joined the three of you, sitting on the opposite side of you and beginning to massage your breasts through your bra. You moaned inside of Mingyu's mouth loudly, feeling Wonwoo's fingers slip into your bra and pinch your nipples.

"F-Fuck, I'm gonna cum." You gasped when you pulled away from Mingyu.

"Go ahead princess," Mingyu said, pausing, "let go." He whispered in your ear, sending a tingle down your back and throwing you off the edge. You came on Soonyoung's tongue with a shout that had your back arching off the couch and mouth dropping open.

Soonyoung looked up at you from between your legs. "Good girl." He gave you a kiss on your clit, making you jolt.

You laid on the couch, your core feeling numb and mind clouded.

"Hey," Mingyu said, bringing you out of your ecstasy filled trance. "Think you can help me out now?"

Giggling slightly, you nodded and stood up. "You want me to ride you, Mingyu?"

"Fuck yeah." He gasped, gripping your hips tightly and bringing you closer to him.

Fulfilling his wish, you held onto his shoulders and balanced yourself, getting ready to straddle him. He laid down on the couch and you climbed on top of him.

Mingyu moaned when you rubbed your folds against his cock. "Oh my god, t-that feels so good," he purred. He placed his arms behind his head, watching your movements on his dick. You and Mingyu's moans mixed together in harmony along with the sounds of how wet you were.

"You two look so good," Jeonghan teased, walking towards the couch.

You looked back at him, hips still moving. "Do we?" Humming, you smirked at him and gave him a look.

Jeonghan bent his knee, leaning into the couch while his other leg stood planted on the ground. He tugged your hair back, "Yes you do, kitten. Are you enjoying the boys?"

You gulped as you looked up at him. "I-I am," you replied.

He hummed in response and let go of your hair, letting his hand wrap around your throat. "Ride him now kitten, stop torturing him."

Mingyu smirked, looking at the scene unfold above him while you nodded and did as Jeonghan ordered. Jeonghan kept his hand around your throat as you grabbed Mingyu's length and lined it up at your entrance. You moved his head against your pussy, making the both of you moan. Finally, you sank onto Mingyu's cock while Jeonghan watched from behind you. Mingyu groaned at the feeling of your walls around him. "Y-You're so tight," he said breathlessly.

You whimpered, "You're so big." Your hips began moving against his slowly. Mingyu was big. Bigger than Jeonghan and definitely the thickest among the group.

"Yeah? Is my cock filling you up, princess?" You moaned at Mingyu's dirty words—you always loved it when Jeonghan talked like that, but hearing it from Mingyu's mouth turned you on even more. "You like that, don't you princess? I felt your little pussy clench around my dick when I said that."

"M-Mingyu," your loins felt like they were on fire. Mingyu's words were so lewd and uncensored—and you fucking loved it. You didn't want him to stop at any moment. Pleading, you gripped his shoulders tight—fingernails beginning to dig into his skin.

"What's wrong, princess?" Mingyu asked when you started whimpering over and over again.

Your walls hugged his cock, the sounds of you riding him present throughout the room. You felt Jeonghan's weight on the couch disappear and be replaced. A hand pushed your back down, making you hunch over Mingyu's chest. That same hand trailed up your neck and his finger slid into your mouth. You sucked on it, muffling your whines as it swirled around, gathering your saliva.

"Good girl," the voice whispered by your ear. Suddenly, that finger prodded at your hole, pulling a yelp out of you.

"Soonyoung," you gasped as his finger entered you and you halted your movements on Mingyu's cock.

He laughed slightly, "Jeonghan told me you don't mind this, is that right?" You turned to find your boyfriend sitting on the couch, his cock in his hand and a shit-eating grin on his face. As you were about to respond, Soonyoung thrusted his finger deeper in you, cutting off your sentence with a loud moan. "I said, is that right?"

You nodded, your mouth agape as Mingyu slowly fucked up into your pussy. "Oh my god," you breathed shakily. "Y-Yes, i-it's true." That ball in your stomach began to heat up, feeling Soonyoung's finger curl in you and Mingyu's cock hit the deepest parts of you and stretching you out in the most delicious way.

"You better not cum yet, princess." Mingyu growled from under you.

"Please," you begged. Soonyoung added another finger inside you, making you yell that you were sure the neighbor's would hear.

Whilst trying your best to hold back your orgasm, Mingyu snapped his hips up in you. You screamed and accidentally came around him. Your thighs and body shook as your hands desperately grasped onto Mingyu so that you didn't fall on top of him. Your eyes rolled back, pleasure overtaking every single vein in your body.

Mingyu tsked, "Bad princess." He suddenly spanked you and fucked into you again, not giving you anytime to come down from your high. You moaned loudly as Soonyoung smirked and began fucking your ass whilst Mingyu abused your walls.

You couldn't even process what was happening, your mind elsewhere while you were merely getting fucked in each holes. You couldn't speak at all, even if you tried only pathetic whines would come out. Jeonghan and Wonwoo cooed at you, enjoying your desperate cries as you were being overstimulated.

"She's okay, right?" Wonwoo whispered to the older male.

He nodded his head, "She's had worse done to her." Jeonghan winked at Wonwoo and they both turned their attention back towards you, touching themselves.

"What's wrong, angel? Can't handle being stuffed so much?" Soonyoung teased, making fun of you—not caring that you weren't prepared to cum again.

You felt another orgasm gearing up quickly and you warned the two.

Mingyu caught Soonyoung's eye and inaudibly told him to stop when he said so without your knowledge. When he felt your walls pulse around him a second time, he looked at Soonyoung. Before you were able to release, both of the men stopped. Soonyoung's fingers slipped out of you while Mingyu stilled.

"W-Why did you stop?" You whined. Neither of them answered. You turned around to see Soonyoung dripping lube from a small bottle onto his cock. Gulping, you mentally prepared for Soonyoung to fuck you from behind while Mingyu fucked your pussy. The thought of having both of their cocks in you at once had your head spinning.

"Ready, angel?" Soonyoung asked you, holding onto your shoulder with one hand while his other guided his length. When you nodded, he slowly but surely eased his cock inside of you. You winced at the feeling and told Soonyoung to wait.

Rather than feeling Soonyoung move, Mingyu began to slide his cock in your heat to distract you and help you relax. When Soonyoung thought you were okay enough, he pulled out of you almost all the way and slid back in a bit quicker. "God, you feel so fucking good." Soonyoung hissed. He grabbed your hips and began to fasten his pace. The three of you all moaned in sync, when Soonyoung pulled back, Mingyu thrusted his hips up into you.

"I'm close," Mingyu said, moans gradually getting higher. He sped up his thrusts as Soonyoung kept his pace.

You felt your orgasm quickly approaching once again, the pleasure mixed with the pain of being stretched out made it all too much for you. You couldn't remember the last time you had experienced such euphoria coursing through your body and you loved it; you wanted more and more. You threw your head back, shamelessly moaning out both of the men's names.

Mingyu bit his lip, as he pushed his head back into the couch. With a loud, long moan, he came inside you, triggering your own orgasm. The both of you came while Soonyoung slowed down slightly. Mingyu smirked as he pulled out of you and watched his cum began to seep out as well. He shuffled from under you, moving to stand next to Wonwoo and Jeonghan.

"My turn?" Wonwoo questioned.

"She's all yours," Jeonghan replied, moaning slightly as he stroked himself quicker.

Wonwoo smiled as he sprinted over to you and Soonyoung. "Hey babygirl, ready to give me a hand?" He said, bent over to look at you face to face.

You merely nodded, whining every time Soonyoung thrusted all the way inside of you. You turned your head and opened your mouth, waiting for Wonwoo's cock.

"Tongue out." He ordered, touching himself as he got closer to you.

With your tongue out—as told—you waited and closed your eyes, feeling Wonwoo's length finally make contact with your mouth. Wonwoo ran his fingers through your hair, pushing you further onto himself. He groaned lowly, biting his lip and watching you from above.

"Don't forget I'm here too, angel," Soonyoung said from behind you. He gripped your shoulder and held your hip, fastening his pace.

You moaned around Wonwoo before releasing him, "I-I don't think I'd be able to," you replied.

"Yeah? Does it feel good, angel?" Soonyoung licked his lips, feeling himself getting close.

You hummed before continuing to suck off Wonwoo. You took as much as you could, the tip of his cock brushing the back of your throat, making you gag slightly and pull off. A trail of saliva connecting your mouth to the head of his cock.

"You're so good at this, babygirl," he leaned in closer to your ear. "How many cocks you think have been in that slutty mouth of yours? Hm?"

Soonyoung hissed when he felt you clench around him, capturing Wonwoo's attention. "You like being degraded, babygirl?"

You looked up at him with an innocent look. Hell yes.

Wonwoo stroked your cheek, pulling a piece of loose hair behind your ear before grabbing your face. "You like being treated a bit rough, don't you?"

Gulping, you nodded. You cried out when you heard a loud smack and felt a sharp sting on your ass. You glanced behind you, seeing Soonyoung staring you down, his eyes the darkest they've ever been.

"I asked you a question," Wonwoo said in a serious tone. He made you look at him in the eyes.

"Y-Yes I do. I-I like being degraded a-and treated rough," you managed to get out, holding back your moans in between your words.

"Good girl," he petted your hair. "Now, you're gonna take Soonyoung like a good slut while you suck me off. Okay?" Wonwoo informed you, feigning a soft voice, despite having entire control over you.

"Okay," you breathed.

Wonwoo's mouth opened, signaling you to do the same. He slid his cock back inside of your mouth the second you followed his action. He bit his lip and pushed your head all the way onto his dick, holding you in place.

Your eyes squeezed shut, tears pricking the corners as you tried to relax your throat and breathe through your nose. You looked up at Wonwoo, making him laugh mercilessly. "What's the matter? Can't take all of my cock in that little mouth of yours?"

Your clit pulsed with pleasure, his words flipping your stomach and making your pussy wet with need.

Soonyoung's cock twitched inside of you, getting turned on by how slutty you really are for every one of them. He looked at what was happening in front of him, building his orgasm up quickly. "You look so pretty with your mouth stuffed, angel." He cooed.

Wonwoo finally released his grip on the back of your hair again, and you pulled back, gasping for air. You coughed slightly, spit dripping down the corner of your mouth and a teardrop rolling down your cheek. "Such a good whore for us, aren't you, babygirl?" He purred, wiping away your stray tear with his thumb.

You quivered, feeling your own orgasm beginning to approach. "I'm gonna cum soon," you shuddered.

"Me too," Soonyoung panted, his breath hitching in his throat as he began to fuck into you faster than before.

"S-Soonyoung, fuck!" You cried out, gripping the arm of the couch and letting your body fall onto the cushion.

He slipped his hand between your thighs and found your clit, rubbing it harshly.

A moan ripped out of you, your back arching. You whined over and over again, feeling overstimulated but at the same time desperate for your release.

"Come on," Soonyoung huffed. "Cum for me angel." He slipped two of his fingers inside of you and began curling them, scavenging for your sweet spot.

You began to cry from how overstimulated you were, the ball in your stomach unraveling all over the place. You came hard on Soonyoung's fingers, eventually squirting onto—not only his fingers, but the couch as well. You screamed as Soonyoung halted, cumming inside of you shortly after.

The three watching stood silently, mouths agape as they witnessed you squirt.

"I haven't seen her cum like that in a long time," Jeonghan rasped.

Soonyoung pulled his cock out of you, his cum dripping out and down the back of your leg.

You laid there, ass in the air and completely sensitive and worn out.

"Wonwoo, did you cum in her yet?" Mingyu asked suddenly.

"No, but, I think I'll give her a break." Wonwoo replied. "Maybe next time."

"Next time?" Jeonghan quirked his eyebrow. "You think I'm just gonna let you fuck my girlfriend again?" He said sternly.

"Well, I quite enjoyed my time here. I know they did and I'm certain she did as well. So, I'm only assuming we can make another arrangement sometime soon."

Jeonghan looked over towards you. You got up from the couch, limping to the group of men. "I would love to do this again. Please Jeonghan?" You cooed, pursing your bottom lip and holding onto his bicep.

He growled slightly, "Anything for my kitten." He kissed the top of your head. "Alright boys, you had your fun. Get your clothes and go, I gotta clean her up."

The other boys slightly cheered, happy there will be another time. They all took turns going in and out of your bathroom, cleaning up and pulling their clothes back on

Eventually, one by one, they all left you and Jeonghan's house, leaving the two of you to clean up.

...

Jeonghan ran a hot shower for both of you, allowing you to enter first. You moaned as the water hit your back.

"Have fun tonight, kitten?" Jeonghan asked, stepping in behind you.

You let out a soft "mhm," giving him a big grin.

"I'm glad, you were very good for all of them." He pulled you close to him, giving you a tight hug.

You giggled into his chest, "But Jeonghan, you didn't get to cum in me." You pouted.

Jeonghan chuckled, "Who said I wasn't going to?" He pushed you against the wall and grabbed your legs.

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they’re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone