#maybe they’ll come to my city on the next tour and life won’t be putting me through hell so

[coffeesforclosers13]

now that 2ourdust is in a week, i just want to say that i really loved living vicariously through everyone’s experiences at tourdust and can’t wait to do it all over again with you all. i love when you all post updates and do livestreams, share your in-the-moment thoughts and reactions, and post pictures and videos from your shows. thank you for doing that. it makes the people like me who can’t go feel like we’re actually there 😊

[unmaskedagain]

Sorry, it’s reserved

  Honestly neither Marinette nor Chloe had been surprised when Bustier caved to Alya’s insistent requests that the two girls not be allowed to go on the class trip to New York City. Lila had been subtly hinting about how much friendly better thing would be if they weren’t there.

           Mostly because just two weeks ago, Marinette had presented her class trip idea presentation; complete with a potential itinerary, pictures of the grand hotel could stay at, the fantastic tours they could go on, and exciting places they could eat. The class had been suitable wow’d.

           What was surprising was when, after Bustier announced in front of the class that Marinette and Chloe couldn’t go to New York much to the smug faces of the students, Adrien said, “Cool. Then I’ll skip the class trip too.” He then turned to his two best friends. “What do you two want to do instead?” Adrien was sick and tired of the other students in the class. He had been trying to get them to believe Lila was a liar for months but no one, not even Nino, would listen to him.

           Instead, they turned on the two most awesome girls in the class. Well, Adrien wasn’t going to deal with it anymore.

           The look of horror on Lila’s face was priceless. However, there was no backtracking now. The dream of a romantic trip to New York, walking hand in hand with Adrien, burst into flames and was now nothing more than ashes.

“Yeah, I won’t go either,” Nathaniel stated. “Doesn’t seem fair. Marinette worked really hard on the idea for the trip.” He never bought Lila’s crap, and he never understood how anyone else did.

           Marinette smirked, “I’m up for whatever.” She shrugged. “I’m actually looking forward to now having to organize the trip. Or fundraise for it. And to think I was going to start working this weekend.” The bluenette made sure to look directly at Bustier and Alya, her ex-friend when she said this. “Its only October but believe me, you’ll want to start making reservations fast. Nothing was done but the presentation; which you can have by the way. And just a reminder, a lot of places do require a down payment. Also, don’t forget approval from the school board.”

“Which takes like three months btw,” Chloe said with a vicious smile on her face. She was the last class president. She knew exactly how hard getting a fabulous trip approved of was. “Paperwork has to be filled out in triplicates and if you mess up on even one form, they’ll make you fill out the entire thing again.” She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text. “I just let Daddy know that he won’t have to make his annual donation this year for the trip. If you don’t want us there you obviously don’t need it. And to think, he usually funds thirty percent of it. But I’m sure you already knew that.”

           By the looks on the other students’ faces, it was clear that they didn’t know that. However, pride wouldn’t let them back down. Besides, Alya thought, they had the moral high ground. Who wanted to hang with bullies anyway?

           To the other students’ credit, they did manage to raise enough money for the trip to New York. Granted, it wasn’t nearly as much as they usually did. Alya, the new class president, also forgot to make most of the reservations until the last minute, and it was hard to find a fancy hotel willing to accommodate an entire class of rowdy teenagers at the last minute. So they would stay at a Holiday Inn just outside of New York City. The glasses-wearing girl wished Lila had been so busy with her charity work so she would’ve had time to help and maybe they could’ve gotten a much better trip.

           By the end, the class trip the class would be getting wasn’t nearly as were or amazing as the one Marinette had presented at the beginning of the year. However, most were just happy to be going to New York.

           Lila shot four exiled students a victorious look as she bragged about all the things and people she’d get to see in New York. She had spent months trying to get Adrien to agree to go on the trip but he wouldn’t budge.

She sighed dramatically, “I love New York. The only bad part are the superheroes. Last time I was there Robin and Speedy practically got into a fistfight over who’d take me on a date. I hate getting in the way of friendships.”  Marinette snorted. “We leave for New York in three weeks. What will you three be doing then?”

“Waiting for a house to fall on you,” Marinette said easily.

           Adrien chuckled, “We leave for L.A in two days.”

           That got the classes’ attention.

“Sorry, What?” Alya asked; suddenly getting a bad feeling in her stomach.

           Chloe leaned back in her seat, “L.A. It was my idea. We decided since we couldn’t go on your trip we’d go on our own. Let's see… our first stop in L.A, we’ll be there for about a week; we’ll tour some movie studios, go on set for the Star Trek movie that filming. Attending the movie premiere of the newest Marvel movie. Then leave for Indio; it's not that far from L.A, I think. But who cares. We have to be at Coachella, even if only for two days. Then we go to Metropolis. And I can’t remember… Marinette what did you plan for us to do? It was her idea to go there.” She told the class who had looks of sheer dismay on their faces that got worse and worse as the four described the trip.

           Marinette smiled, “Tour of LexCorp, a tour of Daily Planet, reservations for the grand opening of Gordon Ramsey’s new restaurant, we got backstage passes for a 5 seconds of Summer concert-” She was cut off

“Why couldn’t we go see Selena Gomez again?” Adrien frowned.

           Marinette rolled her eyes, “Because you couldn’t beat Chloe in an arm-wrestling contest.”

“She is freakishly strong,” Adrien protested. “And she plays mind games!”

           Chloe blew a raspberry at the other blond.

“We’ll be in Metropolis for about a week,” Marinette continued, as her two friends bickered and Adrien declared he would have his vengeance. “Then Adrien got to pick where we next.”

“Disney World!” The blond shouted. It was his biggest childhood dream and it was becoming a reality. “We’re going to Florida to Disney World, and then Universal Studios; where we’ll get to see the Magical World of Harry Potter.”

“Geek!” Chloe sniped.

“Slytherin!” Adrien hissed back at her.

“And proud,” Chloe crossed her arms. “But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Hufflepuff?” She said the Hogwarts’ house like it was a dirty word. “Most notable thing a Hufflepuff ever did was die. And then somehow ended up in Twilight.”

           Adrien stood up angrily, “You take that back!”

“Make me!”

           Adrien looked at Nathaniel, “Ravenclaw, do something!” Their two houses went together like PB&J.

           Nathaniel put down his pencil, “No.” And went back to writing. “Make the Gryffindor do it!” He motioned to Marinette.

           Marinette just looked up at the ceiling, praying to gods’ for patience.

           Adrien, she was suddenly reminded, was loyal enough to help hide a body.

           Nathaniel was smart enough to have already come up with an alibi.

           Chloe as conning enough to ensure they got away it, after goading Marinette into doing it in the first place.

           Marinette would eventually snap and kill Lila. She would need them. “We’ll be in Florida for about four days; enough to see both amusement parks. Then all four of us agreed to go to New York next. First, stop Gotham; we’ll be touring Wayne Industries and attending one of the Wayne family annual galas.”

“Then we go directly to New York City,” Chloe said examining her nails. “Mama arranged us a tour of Vogue and Mode. We’ll be going to a few of the runways for Fashion Week. Adrien’s father arranged for us to go see Hamilton on Broadway.”

           It had taken a lot of time, effort, threats of going to the police, press, and CPS regarding child labor laws broken concerning Adrien to get Gabriel Agreste to agree to let his son go on the trip (as well as allow him to actually have a childhood). But there had been several conditions; mostly to do with security and proper supervision; which all the parents had, though not to Gabriel’s extremeness.

           Still, the four kids agreed to the terms.

“We’re going to a baseball game!” Adrien added excitedly. “A real one. I’m going to eat a hot dog the size of my arm. And cotton candy the size of my head.”

           Marinette nodded slowly, already picturing herself patting Adrien’s back as he whined about as stomach ache from eating too much.

           Chloe frown, picturing the same. She had lost a pair of Jimmy Choos after one disastrous trip to the carnival that involved way too much greasy food and rollercoaster with two loops. She shook the nightmarish memory away, “Thanks to Marinette, we’ll be touring the Stark Industries and the Avengers tower. All the hotels we’ll be staying at are 5 stars. Also, we’re going to three, three Michelin star restaurants. I can imagine what would’ve happened if she had made the reservations late. We might have ended up in some god awful Inn.”

“Come to think of it,” Marinette paused thoughtfully, “We should get to New York about the same time you do. What are your plans? No! Don’t tell me. I’m sure they’re amazing and I don’t want to be jealous. I mean you kicked us off the trip so you had to have something out of this world lined up.”

           Alya’s mouth was dry. She tried to come up with something to say; something to brag about but she knew that come September she’d have to pony up the pics. Because Pics or it didn’t happen. Chloe was active on social media; she’d be updating on a daily basis and scooping out her competition. She’d know instantly if they were lying and they’d never live it down.

           Lila fought the urge to throw the biggest tantrum of her life. At the beginning of the year, after Marinette’s trip presentation, she thought getting the bluenette and Blondie off the trip was the perfect plan; even when Adrien said he wouldn’t go. However, it was soon clear that Alya and the other students were in way over their hands. The dream trip that Marinette had spun them would be realized as only a dream as it was clear they wouldn’t manage it without Marinette’s organizational skills and Chloe’s funding.

           The trip they got was the standard tourist one. A look around the city, the statue of liberty, Time Square, and a museum or two. Honestly, Lila took better trips with her grandmother.

           Maybe there was still a way to save things…

“You know,” Lila smiled sweetly. “Since we’re all going to be in New York anyway, we should do everything together-“

“Can’t,” Marinette stated firmly. “Reservations are reservations for a reason. Tickets were bought. You know how it is.”

           Bustier frowned. This had ended the way she thought it would. When Alya and the other students beseeched her to disallow Marinette and Chloe from the school trip, she thought it was for the best. Chloe had always had a hostile attitude that Marinette seemed to have developed as well. It left the rest of the class with negative energy that wasn’t helpful for nurturing their growth.

           However, she couldn’t have predicted just how badly things would go. Alya had come crying to her several times about having to fill out and re-fill out multiple forms for the school board. She seemed to get something wrong every time.

           The children could barely raise enough money for the trip. And it wasn’t nearly as wonderful as the one Marinette had come up with at the beginning of the year. Still, they were going to New York which was what counted. Most classes wouldn’t even have gotten that far, She thought smugly. It would be a good trip. (Caline had dreamed about accidentally running into Steve Rogers or Thor and being swept off her feet. And she thought that dream wouldn’t even be possible if she was too busy trying to reign in her to most troublesome students which were one of her reason her telling the two they couldn’t go.) However, even that trip paled in comparison to the one the bluenette had planned for her and her two friends. 5-star hotels, trips to galas, fashion week, going to the Avengers Towers, possibly meeting Captain America, Thor, and the rest! It all sounded too good to be true.

“There must be something you can do,” Bustier said. “It would be nice if all my students were together.”

           The other students looked at the tour with hope clear in their eyes.

           Adrien, Marinette, and Chloe just looked at the teacher like she was dumb. Each fought the urge to remind the teacher that she was just fine with the three not going less than ten minutes ago.

           Adrien rolled his eyes, “There isn’t. Everything was bought and paid for. They are only expecting four kids which is why we get to go to so many places. Turns out, not many hotels and restaurants want to deal with a bunch of teens at the last minute.”

Marinette nodded, “Besides you wouldn’t want us crashing your trip anyway. We’d hate to get in the way. We know you guys wanted a drama-free trip.” She through the term back in their faces. “But I wouldn’t mind meeting up one day. You guys are doing time square right. Let us know when and we’ll see if we can do it the same day.”

“If we can fit in our schedules,” Chloe snapped. “It's pretty packed.”

“Not as packed as theirs, I’m sure,” Marinette smiled kindly, though inside she was doing a victory dance worthy of a champion. “I can’t wait to see the pictures.”

           The four left that Friday. By Sunday, the social medias were filled with dozens of pictures of beautiful hotel rooms. The next three weeks were the worst in the class’s entire lives. The other students in the class tried their best not to look but it was hard. Particularly when the picture of Marinette, Adrien, and Chloe on the red carpet started to make waves. Pictures of the four meeting various celebrities like Lex Luther and Chris Pine, superheroes like Superman and Batman, of them at Disney World and Coachella had left more than a bit of envy in their hearts.

           Their own trip had started out terribly. Alya hadn’t book enough rooms so they had to triple bunk, with some people having to sleep on a cot. And it turned out that the only tours she had secured was to Elis Island and the New York Art Museum; nothing nearly as exciting as they hoped. So they had been mostly left on their own for sight-seeing.

           Still, it wasn’t a terrible trip. They ate great good and saw the normal New York tourist attractions.

           However, when the time came for them to go to Time Square and meet up with Adrien, Alya, Chloe, and Marinette, Bustier was ready to pull her hair out.

           Bustier never had trouble on any of the previous trips, as they were always organized to the minute, but this one had so much free time the kids didn’t know what to do with themselves which resulted in chaos. And being threatened with being kicked out of the hotel. She didn’t understand what was different. The students were usually so well behaved.

           Sure on previous trips, there had been two more chaperones but Bustier always thought they were unnecessary. Her students were the best and most well behaved in school for the most part. She was positive that they only needed their teacher to watch out for them.

           She was wrong.

           And Bustier was very surprised to see Mendeleiev there with her four wayward students, looking very much like the Cat that got the Canary.

“Demetria,” Bustier greeted politely. “What are you doing here?”

           Mendeleev didn’t bother to hide her smirk. “I was invited as a chaperone. It just me and Gorilla. Between the two of us we keep the delinquents in check,” She said Delinquents at the four who playfully hissed at her. Each of the four wore a black shirt with a different Hogwarts house on it.“Best decision I ever made. I was reluctant at first as it’s not school-related and I wouldn’t be paid for it. But Agreste and Bourgeois are paying me nine times my usual amount an hour to watch the kids like a hawk. Luckily their goods kids. What about you? How is your class trip going?”

           Bustier forced herself to smile, and not bite out angrily that it was driving her insane. The kids were driving her completely up the wall. And Caline was more than a little aware of how amazing her four students trip was and to think Mendeleiev had gotten to do it all with them made her blood boil and her eyes practically turn green with jealousy. “Extremely well. We are having… the time of our lives.”

“I’m sure,” Mendeleiev said. She and the rest of the teachers had never been happy with how Bustier ran her class. Or just how much she and Damocles got away with. However, it didn’t matter. Come September, things would change. Damocles had already gotten fired for taking bribes, breaking procedure, and being a complete idiot.

           Bustier, while technically, hadn’t done anything wrong would still have to listen to the school board tell her everything that was wrong with her class. And there was a lot.

“Have you gone to the Avengers tower yet?” Bustier asked, not subtly at all. She still hoped that if there was time she and her class could tag along.

“We have,” Mendeleiev told her, bursting the bubble of hope that had sprung in Caline. “It was quite wonderful. I had a wonderful debate with Doctor Banner; it turns out he’s read several of my papers and me, his. While the kids are at the baseball game tomorrow, the two of us will be having a lunch date and going over our scientific hypothesis tomorrow.”

“Get it, Ms. Mendeleiev,” Chloe laughed.

           Mendeleiev shot her a stern look but her mouth twitched as she fought a smile.

“Perhaps my class could go with?”

“Sorry, we have a reserved seats.”

Envy flared in Caline Bustier more than ever before in her entire life. If they had been still in Paris, Hawkmoth would’ve had a field day. “Oh but what about watching the kids. Won’t they need you? What would their parents say about this?” A vicious smirk appeared on Bustier’s face. She always thought Mendeleiev needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

Mendeleiev didn’t bat an eye, “Already covered. Already cleared with their parents. After all who’s going to say no to Captain America and Iron Man babysitting their kids. Steve hadn’t been to a game a while and he really wanted to take his son Peter and the rest of Tony’s interns. The kids should have a blast.”

Adrien shot a bright smile at his bodyguard, “Natasha is going too! I still don’t understand how you two know each other.”

Gorilla’s face burned a red color but he remained silent. He wore the bright yellow and black Hufflepuff scarf Adrien had begged him to wear as a show of support, particularly when Mendeleiev revealed herself to be a Ravenclaw (So did Bruce Banner). Captain America and the Winter Soldier high-fived Marinette over being Gryffindors. And Pepper Potts, Iron Man, and the Black Widow introduced themselves as Slytherin alumni.

Where was the Hufflepuff love?

Adrien had looked at Hawkeye with hope but Clint had shrugged and said, “Gryffindor.”

The blond boy huffed and pouted (the pout was how he got Gorilla to wear the scarf). He bet Thor was a Hufflepuff.

           The rest of Bustier’s class still steer clear away from the four; out of pride and envy. Lila had attempted to go near Adrien but was stopped by Alya who didn’t want to risk her bestie getting bullied by the meanest girls in school.

           Alya had decided after seeing the pictures of the four with Superman, The Avengers, Batman, and THE LOIS LANE that life just wasn’t fair. If it was Marinette and Chloe (Maybe even Nathaniel) would be stuck in Paris, crying their eyes out over not being allowed on the trip. It was what they deserved for being such bullies.

           The preplanned tour of Times Square, which was mostly just the kids walking around and awing at the pretty lights. It was actually a bit boring, once the excitement wore off. They found themselves on the highest building there, looking over New York City in its entirety, along with a bunch of other tourists.

           Suddenly all the electronic billboards and every ounce of electricity turned off. Crowds up people looked around confused.

           The giant monitors blurred and a face appeared, “Greetings citizens of New York, I. AM. THE. Electrocutioner!” Lights were centered on the highest building there, and it was clear the villain stood on top of the building. The building of Bustier’s class was on.

           One thought echoed in the minds of each Parisian citizen, “Fuck.”

           Before any of the Paris heroes’ could figure out if they should act or not, another team of heroes arrived.

           The evil-doer had with him a dozen or so henchmen, each more menacing the last.

           The sight of Kid Flash zooming up the side of the building was incredible. Seeing Young Justice kick butt left Marinette a little breathless.

Was this what it was like, she wondered, seeing Ladybug fight.

           When some of the henchmen were ordered to take hostages; Marinette, Chloe, Nathaniel, Adrien, Gorilla, and Mendeleiev fighting back much to the shock of Bustier and her class. Chloe rolled her eyes as she, and the other three pulled out miniature pens from their pockets; did they really not know how often New York is attacked by Super Villians. Seriously.

           With a click of the button, the pen turns into a long whip. Chloe refused to be taken without a fight. Her and Marinette, who now wielded a fighting staff, nodded at each other. The blonde snorted when she looked at Adrien, “A shield, really?”

“I don’t want to hurt people too much,” Adrien defended.

“This is why you’re a Hufflepuff.”

           Nathaniel spun his trident around. It worked like a Taser and could shock people. Luckily only the villain had electricity powers.

Marinette didn’t know how it happened but suddenly she was fighting back to back with Robin.

“Nice moves,” Robin said after Marinette knocked out a henchman with a high kick. He knocked out a henchman with his staff.

“Not too bad yourself.”

           Nathaniel nearly had a heart attack when Aqualad jumped in to help him protect several tourists. When biggest henchmen came rushing at him, the redhead fired up his trident and within seconds the underling was down for the count.

           Kaldur paused, “…Can I borrow that?”

           Chloe used the whip with ease and grace. She has been practicing with it ever since she saw Shadow Hunters for the first time. Isabelle Lightwood was an icon.

The blonde didn’t know how it happened. But one minute she was fighting off two lame minions then she saw an Arrow guy fighting and then falling off the roof, and the next thing she knows she’s jumping after him. Then they both were dangling off the roof with only Chloe’s whip for support.

“You call this a rescue?” Arrow guy snorted.

“You call yourself a hero?” Chloe snapped.

“Meow!”

           Chloe didn’t see how he did it but one moment she was hanging there; the next Arrow guy was swinging her up back onto the roof.

           He smirked at her, “You’re a pretty one.”

           She waved him off, “Oh go save someone!”

           When Superboy crashed down next to him after taking a brutal hit, Adrien gripped his shield and stood in front of him. Adrien was able to block most of the attempts of the underlings to reach the boy of steel. But it wasn’t long until they had them surrounded. Just when Adrien thought he was a goner, red lasers blasted the henchman back.

           Superboy stood up, “Thanks for the assist.” He smiled at the blond boy. “Nice shield.”

           Gorilla and Mendeleiev handled their own really well. After seeing Gorilla fight, Adrien started to have some serious suspicions about just how his bodyguard knew the Black Widow.

           When the fight was over, and the villains detained, the small group stood with the rest of the civilians until the all-clear was given.

The Bustier and her class stared in awe as the members of Young Justice walked over to the six with large smiles. The heroes didn’t even spare the class a glance. Not even when Alya pushed Lila to the front but Robin and Arsenal never even noticed her.

Dick Grayson, Robin, smiled at the pretty bluenette with bluest eyes he’d ever seen and did his best to ignore Batman in his ear about bringing in the Heroes Ladybug, Chat Noir, Queen Bee, and Bright Roar in to Watch Tower stat. He knew all about Ladybug and, thanks to Batman, knew her civilian identity. But to see her in person was a whole different experience.

No, there was a time and place for everything. And right now the time was to flirt with the Gorgeous Superhero who a skintight red suit.

“You’re amazing,” He told her honestly. “What are you doing for the rest of my life?”

“I swear to god if you propose!” Batman hissed in his ear.

           Marinette blushed a bright red.

           Kaldur handed the trident back to Nathaniel, “This is an amazing weapon. You use it well.” He told the redhead. This must be the new Hero Bright Roar “I wish for one just like it.”

           Nathaniel flushed but handed the weapon back to Kaldur, “Keep it. I’m not that good with it.”

           Kaldur smiled, “Then perhaps you will let me teach you one day. One on one sessions.”

“Really Kaldur,” Aquaman chastised. “This is a mission, not a dating show.”

           Aqualad ignored him.

           Superboy nodded at Adrien, “You’re good,” he told the smaller blond boy. Though from the reports he read about Chat Noir, he was only a year younger than him. “Cool shirt by the way. It's nice to meet a fellow Hufflepuff.” He said and then suddenly his arms were full of a blond boy thanking him for existing.

“Breathe,” Superman chuckled in his ear. “Just breathe, Connor.”

“For such good finders, we’re so hard to find,” Adrien said. “I could kiss you!”

           Superboy turned the brightest shade of red anyone had ever seen.

           Arsenal eyed the hot blond girl, “At least you know how to stay out of the way.”

           Chloe glared at him, “Next time, I’ll just let you die.”

“Then who be the man of your dreams.”

“Freddie Kruger would probably take his job back,” Chloe said with a hand on her hip. “Though his face isn’t as terrifying as yours.”

“That girl will eat you alive,” Oliver warned in his ear.

“So you admit you dream about me,” Roy stepped forward.

           Chloe huffed, “Get real!”

“Hey,” Alya called. “Robin, Speedy, don’t you want to say hi to Lila Rossi.” She motioned to the Italian girl who had gone pale.

“It’s Arsenal now,” Roy corrected.

           Dick nodded, “And who’s Lila?”

           Marinette smiled, “Oh I’d totally marry you now!”

           Robin grinned and raised his arms in victory.

           Batman cursed in his ear.

            Robin, Arsenal, Aqualad, and Superboy kept their attention on the on the four. No matter how much their superhero mentors protested. No matter how much Bustier’s tried to intervene.

              No, their attentions’ were reserved

[cerastes]

Imagine W's ultimate show of trust to the Doc, if she ever decides to bring herself to that point somehow., being inviting them to share a ration with her out in the field. Or sort out some munitions over a chat about the places she's been. Or, as you said, indulging in the peace of just peeling some potatoes. I blame you for infecting me with W enlightenment.

! Yo. That’s some actual 200% Trust stuff right there.

W vaguely, casually inviting Doc out for a walk, telling them that if they decide to come, to give word that he’ll come back later. Doc says they’ve got a lot of work to do. W insists that Kal’tsit won’t give ‘em hell since she’ll explain. Never once has Doc seen Kal’tsit actually reprimand W, or W fail to finesse her way out of a lecture, so sure, why not? W’s reply is simply a smile, one that looks infinitely similar to her usual mocking smirk, but somehow, this time, it reaches her ears, and yet, it feels like it could deflate any time. Doc has seen this emotion before, and while they can’t put a name to it, they know it to be mutually exclusive with joy.

The ensuing chat is meaningless, but not unwelcome. Something about the Penguin Logistics girls being really good in a brawl for mailwomen and tour guides, something about the music room being quite lively, what with Vigna, Courier and Blue Poison habitually going there to play the guitar, with the “kiddos”, as she calls them, looked with admiration, Frostleaf trying to mimic them with her air guitar as Ifrit headbanged, something about how it was funny to see Aak and Warfarin wheel a very unwilling Fang into the infamous Doctor Blood’s lab, right before Dobermann and Kal’tsit caught them red-handed and dole out the appropriate pay docks and, worse still, lectures that seem unending as they are redundant, but ah, see, that’s the thing with Kal’tsit, she may say the same thing for the course of 3 hours, but she somehow keeps using different words, never sounding too redundant, it’s just like that time years ago when Kal’tsit caught raiding the pantry in the wee hours of the morning. How could Doctor not remember that one, it was a classic in Babel! A legendary pursuit that lasted two hours and was followed by four of lectur--

And then W stops.

That’s meaningless. 

They don’t remember that funny anecdote.

And if they did? Then she surely wouldn’t be walking down memory lane with the “Doctor”. She surely wouldn’t be here right now. 

It’s because they’ve lost all of that, that they have gained this little space, away from the mobile city, in the middle of nowhere, where they can talk.

They sit down across from each other, with the camp’s fire between them, on boxes tastefully labelled “Doctor” and “Me” with black paint. W throws Doctor a potato and a knife. There’s no Gummy or Matterhorn here, buster. You want food? Better get peeling while the water comes to a boil.

So they peel in relative silence. Potatoes. Onions. Dicing some carrots. Uncorking some cheap Kazdel ‘vintage’, if unused sewer lines from long-devastated cities could be considered casks, but hey, it’s got a nice kick and you can pick it right up after wandering back into an old campsite if you leave it fermenting before departing for the next battlefield. Just one of those nomad’s secrets, wink wink. Or do they call them “lifehacks” now? Reunion didn’t exactly have the latest in lingo, W laments.

Throughout all of this, Doctor cannot help but feel a certain tightness in their chest and a hollow pit in their stomach. It’s a feeling Doctor has heard others describe, but they’ve never been able to put a name to it, but they know it to be strange bedfellows with joy. Was this the same pain holding a tight grip on W’s smile before?

“Have we done this before? You know, before.”

But W only chuckles. “Maybe we did. Maybe we sat right here, maybe we had the very same cheap liquor, left to ferment in the same circumstances. Maybe we fixed the very same stew, maybe that knife feels oddly comfortable because that was the one we’d lend you.”

She stresses the plural, and the Doctor, too, stresses. She continues.

“Maybe you earned our trust, maybe you were just the way you are... Superficially, at least. Maybe that’s still something exclusively superficial. Maybe I’m intentionally tripping on the same stone twice, and if that’s the case, this time, it’ll cost me less than before, as it’ll be only one life.”

“As opposed to how many?” the Doctor doesn’t ask, doesn’t dare ask.

“This stew is perfect: Cheap, easy to prepare, nutritious, filling, and the pot is easy to clean afterwards. We make this stew a lot since it reminds us of ourselves as Sarkaz mercenaries... Convenient, gets the job done, and then you can just move on with your life after disposing of it. You used to love this stew.”

W gets real close to the Doctor, face to face, potato and knife gripped still, close enough that her warmth permeates through their mask, breathing audible, blood a frenzied mix of boiling and frigid.

“Do you still love this stew, Doctor?”

W’s explosive charges are less loaded than this question. Agonize, they did, trying to find the right way to diffuse this situation, but she doesn’t give them time to respond, fortunately. A dud, perhaps?

“If you still like the stew, then perhaps we can’t be friends, but... If you don’t find it to your liking, perhaps I can show you other rations and dishes we make out here, ones more nuanced, ones packed with a little more care, you know?”

Instead of sitting on a box across the fire from Doctor, W sits next to them now, finally abandoning the Doctor’s personal space.

“I’ve just been thinking very seriously about this, see? You really... And if I’m wrong about this, heh, shame on me, but you really don’t seem like the kind of person that likes that stew anymore. Just something I’ve learned from watching. Watching you. Watching the new blood. Watching the trust they place in you, the affection, the laugh and cajolery and jocosity of it all. And in the center of it all, what is it that you do? You reciprocate, and it drives me crazy.”

The Sarkaz’ voice raises just for a second.

“Because this could be much simpler, this could be as easy as click click boom, you know? Hit the switch, have a laugh, carry on, but no, you’ve made this far more complicated than it had to be. If you had remembered the anecdote, I could’ve just hit the button half an hour ago, and by now, I would be done picking up whatever was left of you, hiding it in an abandoned sewer line and then sealing it, and I’d be on my way to Columbia right about now. I hear they got some nice new settlement for Infected there now. If only you had remembered.”

But the Doctor did not remember. Not about the time when Kal’tsit lectured W for hours on end, nor about the time they disposed of the leftover stew. Not about a damn thing. The bombs in the box labelled “Doctor” were almost comically redundant, for whatever firepower they could hold, they’d never compare to the edge of Doctor’s conscience, twisting from within. 

“...I heard you carried that FrostNova girl’s body. Thanks for that,” carried on W. “And for that, in addition to everything else, I’ve decided that maybe we ought to eat more than crummy stew next time. Which side of you is the real one? I guess I’ll -- we’ll -- find out soon enough.”

After that, no more words were traded. Peel, they did, and eventually, dinner was ready. The stew was somehow bitter and bland. Doctor couldn’t be happier, and was already anticipating what they were going to make next.

Maybe they’ll have anecdotes the both of them remember to fill the silence while peeling potatoes next time. Not that silence is unwelcome. Silence is meaningful, and a surprising amount of times, what unveils the truth behind someone’s heart.

[ggreactionsandscenarios]

Hiii I hope ur doing well ! 🥰 can I ask for prompt 21 with Heejin? Thank you!! Have an amazing day <3

Heejin x Reader

Prompt n°21 : Artist

“Let me paint you in all those places you want to visit ?”

France, Lyon

Ah Paris ! That's what most people would say while visiting France for the first time but not you.

When offered the opportunity to go to France for a week you didn't wanted to be one of the typical tourist, so you decided to go to the newly considered second best city in the world, Lyon.

To be honest you didn't ever heard about Lyon before this magazine talked about it. Everybody just rather talk about Paris, the city of love. You learned that Lyon was for a long time a more important city then Paris, the fact that people only knew about Paris nowadays was unfair.

You were decided to change that, 

You had just arrived in the city and even though you were tired, you wanted to make the most of your time here. You settled to go to the hotel you were staying in before going for a walk around town.

Fast enough you got to the starting point of your visit, The Bellecour square with its famous statue representing King Louis XIV on his horse. He actually only came to Lyon once and he decided to own this square just because he felt like it, ‘what a King’ you thought when you learned the story behind this place.

No wonder he got beheaded.

However it was only the start of your visit, you went up on the Republic’s street, a well known street, appreciated for her numerous clothing’s stores. Contrary to those people looking for new clothes to spend money on, you were looking for something else.

Yet you had a hard time finding it, the street you were looking for, seemed not to be anywhere. Your foreigner self didn’t wanted to ask someone so you settled on looking where it was once you’ll get back at the hotel and go there only the day after. Not finding this street made you stop your tour, prefering to go rest for the next day to come, you had a lot to see and no time to waist.

As soon as you woke up the next day, you got breakfast and went straight for the hidden street. This time you had a map and were ready to see the famous "Passage de l'Argue". The street wasn't actually that famous, most people didn't really knew about its history but you had the chance to have had a online visit on the plane.

The documentary wasn't that good pretty boring actually but when they talked about this street, they explained how it had been first mentioned on a map of the 18th century and had never completly disappeared even when people destroyed it. The people at the time seemed to be attached to this street, they rebuild it over and over again until it became what it was today, a street full of luxurious shops and art galleries.

That's what brought you here in the first place, not shops but art. Of course there were museums in Lyon but as much as you loved them, they were often full of people and regulated with a limited time.

Here you had all the time in the world and not a single soul around because of the bad weather. Well that's what you thought until someone grabbed forcefully one of the painting you were looking at, off the wall where it was exhibited.

You brows furrowed, the girl in question didn't seemed to work in the gallery and you were wondering if she had the right to do that.

"Excuse me ? I don't think you're allowed to put it down."

When you pat the stranger's shoulder, she looked back at you angrily.

"I'm not stealing it if that's what you think I'm doing."

You took sometimes to observe her before answering, seeing how she had gloves over her hands and paint on her white shirt. For sure she was an artist but why would an artist and maybe the one who did the painting in the first would want to get it back ?

"And what exactly are you doing then ?"

She proceeded to put the painting in a tote bag before facing you completely and answering.

"Getting back what was stolen from me."

So she did made the painting, you thought.

"Isn't it good that you're painting is in an art gallery though ?"

The way she rolled her eyes and sighed showed you how she was annoyed to have to explain anything to a stranger but she chose to do it anyway. She probably didn't wanted you to call the police or tell anybody else.

She took a glance over her shoulder before looking at you again.

"Can we like get out of here before I'll tell you ?"

You probably shouldn't have agreed but for some reasons, that girl looked like an honest person and you couldn't help but trust her. 

“Lead the way, stranger.”

“Heejin.”

“Then lead the way, Heejin.”

As said, she led you towards a small bench in a small park nearby. There you two sat and she was finally able to explain you her terrible story. She told you about how she was due to give the gallery two paintings a week for a year and how lately she couldn’t beecause she was facing a uninspired time right now. She wasn’t able to paint so they took paintings that she didn’t anted to expose anyway.

Listening to Heejin, you knew you had to do something, you had to help her. 

“Did you get back all the paintings they stole ?”

Heejin thought for a moment before noding.

“But they’ll take them back, won’t they ?”

“Then help me find inspiration again before they do.”

You were stunned, someone you barely knew wanted you to help her in the most abstract way ever existing.”

“How do I do that ?”

“Let me paint you in all those places you want to visit ?”

You were hesitating but what were you risking anyway, it was a win-win situation, she’ll get her paintings and you’ll have a private guide of the city. 

That’s how Heejin and you started to spend all your days together and soon enough it wasn’t just a win-win situation anymore that brought you to see her but rather a need. 

She brought you to the nicest places of Lyon, you had visited more historical places than ever before and enjoyed every seconds of it.

Today was your last day together, since your flight was planned for tomorrow. Heejin gave you rendez-vous at a parc near what french people call ‘Croix-Rousse’ which was the name of the montaigne. Heejin was waiting for you on the bench, facing the horizon.

“Hey, did you wait for me long ?”

She turned her head to you, smiling.

“Toute ma vie...”

You frown, Heejin rarely talked french, mostly because she knew you couldn’t understand it.

“What does it mean ?”

“It means that don’t want to let you go.”

“Heejin, we already talked about this....”

You did talked about it a few days before but Heejin didn’t tell you how much it was breaking her heart to have to let you go. She grew attached to you, you spent all your time together of course she did. But most importantly you gave her back inspiration when nothing could.

It was hard for her to let you go and hard for you to leave.

That night after the memorable afternoon Heejin gave you, she brought you back to your hotel and runaway before you could say goodbye.

You almost didn’t took your plane the day after feeling too sad, you wished you had had proper goodbyes before parting away but she decided to let you go on your own.

Back home, your life had became pointless, no one was there to tell you about that painter who ate paint or about that curious drawing of a girl spiting flowers. You were feeling worst than ever, Heejin wasn’t responding at any of your texts and you believed it was because she found someone else after two months it was probable.

A knock on the door force you to leave the couch that became your bed since you returned. Opening the door, you got blinded by the light that had left your room since a long time and it took you some time before recognizing who was at the door.

“I must be dreaming..”

Heejin chuckled before putting in a tight hug.

“I knew you dream of me.”

Realization hit you like a truck.

“Ho..HOW ?! Why are you here ?”

“My contract with the gallery expired two weeks ago, I had to quarantine for a week but here I am now. Thought you could get rid of me ? I don’t think so.”

Hey here is the request, hope you’ll like it. Thanks for taking this prompt by the way, did you think it would be like that ? Did you thought about something else ? Tell me while giving me feedback. -Ael

[evermorehaikyuu]

Day 17

Title: Love vs. Exertion

Note: I’m not going to lie to you, it’s like my brain got worn out and started sleeping in the middle of the whole thing. So I apologize if it’s wack (it is), it’s very, very, VERY lighthearted angst, it’s not going to tear your heart apart.

˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

Love versus work was something that people from every industry. Most people choose a job that would be easy for them to maintain and head back home to their family at night, maybe even spend a weekend with them. There was, however, one industry which was utterly difficult to balance home life and their work life without the press coming for them. The entertainment industry, so hard to get into and so easy to get kicked out.

Semi Eita had chosen this career field even with that idea in his mind. Every single day, he came back, exhausted from all of the work he had done on that day in the studio. Y/N was always waiting for him at the door without fail. Already having cooked his favorite meal, she quickly led him inside and watched as he collapsed on the couch, chuckling softly. “Bad day?”

“My producers are reviewing the song I wrote.” Semi mumbled into the pillow. “I tried my hand at it but I think it’s better if someone else wrote the songs.”

“It can’t be that bad, they’ll probably fix a few parts up and try to make it, well, as you as possible.” Y/N said, walking over and rubbing his back slowly. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Semi muttered, turning over and pulling her down with him. Hugging her close to his chest, he let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes. This was the only moment he had waited for everyday, he wanted to stay like that as long as possible. It was just a moment for both of them to forget everything else, but the other.

As much as he wished he could stay like that, it was out of the question. His work was difficult and it was already hard enough to keep the fact that Y/N was his lover. If the press discovered that, they’d ruin her life. 

He had already told himself never to let anything or anyone ruin her life.

~ 

“......And if you sign this contract, they can make you bigger than ever. You’d be going to other famous places, there’s no way that your career won’t be influenced by this.” Semi’s agent told him, a placid expression over his face, but his tone said everything. He wanted Semi to take the deal. His agent would be taking 15% of the endorsement, mainly the reason why he was subconsciously pushing Semi the “right” way.

“Only if Y/N can come with me. I’m not going anywhere without her.” Semi said stubbornly. This was the reason why he had rarely taken these opportunities: if Y/N wasn’t coming, it was a straight no. She was the only thing grounding him to reality and leaving without her? Not an option.

His agent sighed, already having gone over this millions of times with him. “Semi, we have discussed this, she can’t come.”

“Why not? She’s not even going to be doing anything, she’s just going to be there for me. Don’t you ever think I get tired of having to smile and wave?” 

His agent thought about it for a while, making Semi apply more points to his argument. “Just let her come. She won’t bother anyone, she’ll just stay in one room. I’ve told her that I’ve only left like seven times in my whole career and the next time she’d come--”

“No.” The agent looked at him sternly, crossing his arms. “She’s not part of the team. She’s not a stage designer or part of your prep team. She’d be extra weight. Either take the deal or find another agent.”

Semi clenched his fists. So here it was. Here was the point where he’d have to choose between what he’d have his career and his love. He knew it’d destroy Y/N if he left when he had promised last time that he wouldn’t go anywhere farther than Japan without her. 

“Fine. I’ll leave her behind.”

~

Y/N had happily opened the door for him, the aroma of food wafting through the air. He immediately felt guilty at the news he’d have to tell her. It felt like a punishment to even admit that he’d choose money over love. Then again, he was doing it for the both of them. Right?

“How’d today go?” Y/N said nonchalantly.

He hesitated for a second. “Fine.”

She shook her head, glancing at him. “If you think you’re fooling me, you’re wrong. Something’s up, tell me.” She guided him over to the couch, sitting him down and staring at him. “Was it the studio again?”

“They offered me...another opportunity.” He mumbled, almost inaudibly, but enough so that Y/N could hear him. “It’s a good one too, it’s out of the country and it could probably take my career a step further.”

Her eyes lit up at the thought of going with him to foreign places and watch him rise up as he rightfully should have. “What did they say? Can I come with you? Where are you going? How long are you going?”

Just the sound of her happiness broke him inside. He didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news but here he was, about to do it anyways. “They told me….they told me you can’t come. We’re heading to the major cities. I don’t know how long I’m doing it for, they didn’t give me an exact date.”

It was a domino effect. Y/N frowned at him and said monotonously, “But you promised that I’d be going with you next time.”

“I know, but they told me I couldn’t--”

“Wait. Did you already take the job?” 

Semi couldn’t look at her as he said his next word. “Yes.”

Y/N stared at him, not believing that he had made a promise and not kept it. Then again, what could she have expected? With a job like his, it was difficult to make sure their love life was under wraps, much less give up a great opportunity. However, it was different when Y/N was on the receiving end of this whole ordeal. Trying to keep her emotions under control, she kept speaking. “So you’re leaving for, what, the eighth time?”

He could visibly see her battling her rage internally. But along with that rage, he could see something else in her eyes that made him falter. Heartache. Both of them had been together since their third year in Shiratorizawa and she had happily obliged to be with him every step of the way, even though he was taking this career field. Never had she broken her own promises, but she was understandably pissed off at him. However, it didn’t mean that he was going to let this once-in-a-lifetime chance pass by. “I have to take it.”

Y/N took a deep breath. “So let me get this straight. I have to sit down and watch you go to other places without you thinking about me at all and before you say anything, you’re just like the rest of them. They say, ‘Oh, I’ll never forget about you, you’re the love of my life!’ But never once do they choose the right thing.”

“Oh? The right thing is choosing love over money? You do realize I’m doing this for the both of us.” Semi uttered, his anger bubbling. Why couldn’t she understand? “I have to go and do this!”

“Then go! You certainly don’t seem to need me at all, why even stick around when you’re gonna choose something else! What about me?”

“What about you?” He said, snark laced in his voice. “You’re practically nothing next to me. Compared to other musicians I could’ve been with, I chose you. Out of pity.”

Y/N took a step back, staring at him with her eyes wide. “This isn’t you that’s talking. The Semi I know wouldn’t say stuff like this. You aren’t the man I fell in love with anymore.”

“I never fell in love with you.” Semi spat. The words sunk in, a stunned silence breaking in between them. Once they were out in the open, the wound had been struck, there was no taking them back anymore. “Wait, Y/N--”

Too late. She had turned around and walked out of the house without anything. Semi had half a mind to go after her but after what he said, it’d take a miracle for Y/N not to run away from him. 

~

Months later, coming back from his tour, he had hoped that Y/N had it in her heart to welcome him back in her arms. It was something of a stretch when he knocked on the door and someone else had opened it. A complete stranger. Semi’s eyes widened as he stammered, “S-Sorry, wrong address” and quickly went onto the street, calling Y/N.

The wrong number picked up. He ended the call as soon as he started it and started panicking, looking around. He could only think of one person that he could stay with while he tried to find Y/N. “Kawanishi!”

“Hey, Semi, what’s wrong?”

“I-I--” Semi had just seen Y/N walking down the street, chatting animatedly with another man who he had never seen in his life before. She stared at him and with a shadow over her face ignored him. 

Kawanishi asked, “What’s wrong? Semi? Semi, answer me!” 

Semi dropped his phone and his chest felt like it was folding in on itself. There was no way Y/N would’ve taken him back and he knew it. And yet, watching him find another man during the time that he was gone. He sat down on the curb, grabbing the phone and putting it to his ear, his voice cracking. “I lost her…”

“What?”

“I lost Y/N...all because I was stupid enough to say something that wasn’t true and now--” He hiccupped, shutting his eyes tightly to try and hold back his own tears. He tried to speak, but a small cry came out of him. He dissolved into hysterical tears right then and there, burying his face in his knees as the pain started arriving in intervals. He stayed on the phone, sobbing his eyes out.

Y/N watched him from afar, tears falling from her own eyes. The man she had been walking with was an old friend and he meant nothing to her. Watching Semi Eita break down in the middle of the street was the last thing she wanted to cause. Even then, she couldn’t go back to him. Not even as she almost reached out for him.

Nothing stayed forever and with the job that he did, it was bound to happen. Y/N was the only thing keeping him from becoming like the other celebrities. Now he was crawling into the dark place and there was nothing stopping him. Y/N had not stayed. It was useless.

I wish I could give you all you deserved, I wish you stayed with me, I wish so many things, none of them come true.

~

Taglist: @skyguy-peach​ @jovialnoise​ @versatilewindow​ @tsukiibaka​ @jaegersblogh​ @kodzuken-pie​​ @kara-grayson04​​ @attixca​ @volleybloop​ @selca11​ @osterfield-hollandwriter @seiijixcia​ @sunareii​

[calumcest]

‘cause all of the stars are fading away (just try not to worry you’ll see them someday)

so i wrote this a while ago while looping stop crying your heart out with meg and sat on it for a bit bc i wasn’t sure whether i wanted to post it or not but y’know what. absolutely fuck it also i think? this is my first ever cashton fic that isnt a drabble like my first ever proper fic? isnt that exciting

@kaleidoscopeminds​ i think you know everything about this fic that you need to know already and i can’t be in sappy hours in the a/ns so all i’m going to say is in case you were under any illusions this is for you in every which way

Growing up isn’t easy. 

Nobody ever told him it would be. You’ll get hurt, his mum would say, eyes big and sad, and he’d shrug and say that’s life, not really understanding what she meant because he was yet to spend three nights in a row staring up at his ceiling, drunk and high and so miserable it somehow felt like everything and nothing at the same time. It’ll be difficult, his manager had warned, when they got their first tour with One Direction, and Ashton had shrugged and said isn’t everything?, not realising that what ‘difficult’ meant was sacrifice; his sleep, his home, his self, everything torn out at the roots and tossed aside for him to gather back into his arms again. 

The hardest part of growing up, though, isn’t when things happen to him, when someone breaks up with him or wakes him up two hours after he’s gone to bed or puts him on another plane six hours after he’s just got off one. The hardest part of growing up is when he looks around him and realises I’m not happy. 

It doesn’t hit him like a train, full-force to the face and leaving him no room for doubt. It comes piecemeal, comes in late-night conversations with Luke where he exhausts himself just to make sure Luke’s going to be okay until the morning, comes in brief flickers of clarity when he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks I don’t know who you are, comes in a moment where he walks past someone who smells like home and his heart, which he’d almost forgotten was still nestled somewhere in his chest, clenches and constricts. I’m overthinking it, he’ll tell himself, forcing down the panic that rises in his chest, or sometimes it’s just because I’m tired, or high, or on a comedown. It’ll pass. And it does, passes from his heart to his veins, from his veins to his lungs, but never strays any further from his core than that. 

So he just tries not to think about it, and most of the time, it works. Most of the time, he’s too drunk or high or tired to really think about it, for it to do anything more than thrum dully in his veins, buzzing below the surface. He tries to dampen it - never says no to a party, always says yes to a drink - but even when he’s laughing and dancing and grinning up at the ceiling of some dark, grimy nightclub in fuck knows where, it’s there with him, prickling at his skin like it’s trying to find a way to build a home under it. 

Being the oldest doesn’t help, either. It’s Ashton Luke turns to on a dark night, three lines deep and somehow still somewhere between a high and a comedown, and it’s Ashton Michael turns to after three nights with no sleep, exhausted and delirious and muttering I’m not worth it, I don’t deserve it nonsensically under his breath. Ashton has to shelve it, then, has to sit Luke down and let him use Ashton to counterbalance the coke, has to open his arms for Michael to crawl into and let him use Ashton to counterbalance the lack of sleep. He wonders whether Luke and Michael hear the deep breaths he takes to steady himself before he does, whether they know he’s using the air in his lungs to quell his own feelings, push himself down until he barely even remembers who he is besides their counterbalance. He wonders, if they know, whether they even care, whether what he needs matters to them at all.

Calum’s the only one who seems to get it, sort of. He never says anything, never offers any advice or commiseration or consolation, just sits next to Ashton wordlessly as he gets another line up his nose, or stands outside on the balcony at four in the morning while Ashton smokes all of Calum’s cigarettes, or lies next to him in bed while Ashton’s staring at the ceiling, fingers brushing against Ashton’s just to let him know he’s there. It’s something, Ashton thinks, as he’s relishing the bitter drip of the cocaine down his throat, or staring out at a city that isn’t home, or willing himself to cry while it’s still dark in the hotel room but unable to patch enough emotions together to form a single tear. It’s something, but it’s not quite enough to make Ashton feel like the pieces of himself will ever slot together in a way that fits.

And realistically, Ashton knows he can’t carry on like that indefinitely, can’t carry on catching brief glimpses of himself in shop windows and car doors and in Luke’s eyes and thinking I don’t know who that is, but what else is he supposed to do? Luke needs him, Michael needs him, and neither of them particularly seem to care what they’re doing to him. When Luke’s talking quietly, miserably, about missing home and his family and the fucking servo they used to hang out at when they had no money, and Ashton strokes his hair soothingly and says I know, and I’m sorry, he thinks what about me? D’you not think I miss home, my family, the fucking servo we used to hang out at when we had no money? When Michael’s mumbling incoherently into Ashton’s chest, something about not good enough and worthless, and Ashton presses a kiss to the top of his head and says you’re enough, Mike, you’re enough, he thinks what about me? Am I enough? They’ll smile at him brightly the next morning, throw him a quick sorry about last night, restored by all the energy Ashton’s given them, bleeding himself dry for just a few hours of their happiness, but they’ll never do anything more than that. It’s easy for them, easy to drain Ashton and hang around on the sidelines, bored, while he struggles to replenish himself only for them to get impatient and siphon off whatever he’s managed to get back again. But what else is Ashton supposed to do, leave them parched and gasping? 

What Luke and Michael don’t - or maybe won’t - see, Calum does. He sees the way Ashton zones out of conversations, the way he slumps on the sofa, the way he’ll close his eyes for a moment before plastering a smile on his face and cracking a joke. He always sighs, and usually gets that little crease between his eyes, but he says nothing.

He’d tried, once. You’re exhausting yourself, he’d said, passing his half-smoked cigarette to Ashton. Ashton had taken it, looked out at the light-polluted sky in front of them, and shrugged. Yeah, he’d thought, edged with bitterness. Who else is going to? 

See, that’s the thing about growing up. Ashton doesn’t have his mum seeing him exhausted and upset anymore, doesn’t have her around to march to his friends’ houses and tell their parents exactly what she thinks about how their kid is treating her son. He doesn’t have anyone to cradle him at night while he cries, no more home-cooked dinners brought to him in bed, no more trips to the supermarket for three tubs of ice cream. Nobody’s there to pick him up or to put him back together again, or to tell him when enough is enough. Nobody pulls the strings anymore; they were cut long ago, and Ashton’s only just starting to see the fraying threads. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Ashton blurts to Calum one night, chain-smoking Calum’s cigarettes on the balcony of their hotel room. Calum doesn’t say anything at first, just hands him his next cigarette. “I can’t.” He doesn’t know whether Calum’s going to know what he means, doesn’t even know whether he wants to be saying it, but the words claw their way up his throat and out of his mouth before he has a chance to force them back down, a well-worn little dance between his head and what’s left of his heart. 

“You don’t have to,” Calum says, after a minute. He doesn’t, it’s true. It’s in Ashton’s hands, the decision to step away, to hold his hands up and say I’m not strong enough for this. But that would mean taking his life into his own hands, and Ashton’s not strong enough for that either. 

“Yeah, I do,” Ashton says, and Calum just sighs, and hands him the lighter. 

It’s not until Ashton’s almost finished the next cigarette that Calum speaks again. 

“What do you need?” 

It’s such a simple question, but it stops Ashton in his tracks. He spends all his time thinking I don’t want this, I need something else, there’s something missing, there’s something wrong, but when Calum picks up the other end of that thread of thoughts and asks what do you need? What can I give you? Ashton realises he doesn’t know.

He doesn’t know what he needs, he just knows that he needs something, something that isn’t this. And he doesn’t know what he wants, either, just knows that he wants something, something that isn’t this. He doesn’t fucking know anything, because he barely even knows who he is anymore, doesn’t know the hazel eyes that blink back at him in the mirror every morning, doesn’t know the curly hair he catches in the window of a passing bus. How is he supposed to know what will stitch the disparate parts of himself that he still has a hold of back together into something resembling Ashton Irwin when he doesn’t even know who Ashton Irwin is? 

“I don’t know,” he says eventually, and Calum hums, like he’s mulling the answer over in his mind. 

“Alright,” he says after a moment, like it’s okay that Ashton’s falling apart in front of him into too many shards to ever fit back together again, and hands Ashton another cigarette - there are only two more left, now - passing him the lighter along with it. Michael would probably frown at him if he knew, Ashton thinks, as he puts the cigarette between his lips, and Luke would whine and bitch and try and steal one of them off him, but Calum gets it. He gets that Ashton’s relishing the way his lungs are hot and burning from it, the way he’s choking from the inside out, revelling in the feeling of choking on something that isn’t himself, for once. He doesn’t like it - Ashton can see that in the way his lips are slightly down-turned, the glances he keeps sending Ashton out of the corner of his eyes - but he gets it. He always gets it, always knows when Ashton needs to be alone and when he needs to be with someone and when he needs to be high and when he needs to be sober, and Ashton’s never really thought too hard about it, but now he can’t help but wonder whether Calum gets it because he understands.

“Do you ever feel it?” Ashton asks. Calum looks at him for a moment, a little calculating, like he’s trying to work out just what Ashton means by that and how honest of an answer he should give, then looks out at whatever fucking city they’re in today, and shrugs. 

“Yeah, sometimes,” he says. 

“What do you do?” Calum shrugs again. 

“Let myself feel it,” he says. Ashton takes another drag of his cigarette, lets the words sink in with the nicotine. 

“Why?” Calum throws Ashton a look. 

“There’s nothing else I can do.” Ashton exhales heavily, watches the cloud of smoke as it turns from a plume into a mist between the two of them. He knows what Calum’s doing. He’s telling Ashton, as gently as he can, that it’s okay. And, Ashton thinks, he’s testing Ashton, challenging him to say you could repress it like me, seeing whether in the darkness and a few pints down he’ll admit to it. 

(But the city’s still lit up in front of them, and Ashton’s barely even tipsy.) 

“D’you think it’ll always be like this?” Ashton’s not even entirely sure what he’s asking. Will life always be this crazy, maybe, or will I always feel this way? 

“No,” Calum says, reaching for the pack of cigarettes again as Ashton stubs out the one he’s been smoking, and holds his hand out for another. He sounds so sure, so certain that things are going to get better somehow, and it makes the scraps of Ashton’s heart ache. 

“Are you just saying that to try and make me feel better?” Calum huffs out a laugh. 

“No,” he says again, a smile playing at his lips. “I’m saying it because it’s what you need to hear.” 

“What’s the difference?” 

“It’s not going to make you feel any better.” 

He’s right. It sort of makes Ashton’s stomach clench, the thought that things aren’t always going to be this way, because it means something’s got to change, and nothing will change until Ashton changes it. It’s comforting, in a way, knowing that he’s not always going to feel like this, but it’s equally as frightening as it is reassuring, because it means Ashton’s going to have to take a deep breath and step off the precipice he’s been hovering on for years, eyes wide open and still no idea where he’s going. 

But, Ashton realises, although his stomach is constricting and his heart has skipped a beat or two, he doesn’t feel any different. He doesn’t feel any more afraid, any more overwhelmed, doesn’t feel unsettled or like the weight pressing down on his chest has got any heavier. He doesn’t feel better, but he doesn’t feel worse, and that’s more than he’s ever had when allowing himself a peek into this abyss.

It doesn’t quite hit him so much as it nudges at him, knocking politely and waiting for him to answer the door. Ashton hadn’t known what he needed - still doesn’t know what he needs, doesn’t even know what he wants or where he wants to end up - but Calum had. Calum had found the right words, known exactly how to balance comfort and honesty, known where to draw the line and where to step over it. 

Ashton takes another long drag of the cigarette in his hands, watches it as it burns almost all the way down to the filter, and then stubs it out, lays the butt in the middle of his frankly impressive collection, and moves to the edge of the balcony, letting his forearms rest on the railing and his hands hang in the cool night air. Calum seems to sense that it’s a silent invitation, and steps forward to join him, arm pressing against Ashton’s when he leans forward over the balcony. 

Calum holds out the last cigarette, digs around in his pocket for the lighter Ashton had handed back to him after his last cigarette, that silent this might be my last after lighting every one that neither of them believed anyway, and holds it out in the palm of his hand for Ashton to take. Ashton puts the cigarette between his lips, but hesitates with his hand halfway to Calum’s. His lungs feel full, now, smoke and tar and something else, something Ashton can’t quite place but knows he doesn’t mind. 

Instead of pulling the lighter out of Calum’s hand, Ashton brings his fingers up and links them with Calum’s, squeezing their hands together. It’s a little uncomfortable, the lighter hard and still warm between the two of them, but Ashton doesn’t mind. It’s sort of grounding, in a way. 

What do you need? Calum had asked. 

You, Ashton’s saying, hand tightening around Calum’s. When Calum’s fingers curl around his own, warm and soft, thumb stroking gently over Ashton’s, Ashton knows what he’s saying. 

Okay. 

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[let-it-raines]

CS JJ Day 13: The Spectacular Ms. Swan (1/1)

1959. New York City.

Women aren’t supposed to have their own voices and opinions, and they certainly aren’t supposed to be funny. Emma Swan, however, has a lot of opinions and is damn funny. She also doesn’t care what anyone thinks. 

Except maybe Killian Jones, a comic who has been her supporter since the day she bailed him out of jail after one of his comedy routines. 

Rating: Teen (language mostly)

a/n: I wrote this one-shot last month after watching the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and told @shireness-says that I was determined to get it finished before my baby showed up, and she said that baby girl would probably show up early out of spite. She didn’t and @shireness-says doesn’t get bragging powers about being prophetic or something. ❤️

Thanks to the admin at @csjanuaryjoy for keeping this GREAT event running!

Found on AO3 | Here |

-/-

It started on accident.

Really, most things in her life do.

There was the getting pregnant at seventeen and then having to get married because it was 1952 and all sins could be forgiven if she was married to the man she slept with.

“He’s a good man,” her mother had said. “A wealthy man. You’ll never have to work a day in your life. Think about the child. Think about your reputation.”

Then there was being a mother and learning that she actually liked it even if she did have things she wanted to do with her life beside spend her days cooking and cleaning and reading every book in existence to Henry until she had to begin making up her own stories to fuel her son’s seemingly never-ending creativity and imagination.

There’s nothing and no one in the world who Emma loves more than Henry, and that will never change.

But he certainly wasn’t in her plan.

Neither was actually falling in love with Neal or enjoying their life together, at least for the first few years. Because, well, he wanted her to be a housewife who always wore heels and measured her waist and her thighs every day to ensure she didn’t gain weight, and Emma much preferred wearing flat shoes and eating a hot dog at a Yankees game instead of a salad at home or some overpriced restaurant. So, of course, like any man who had a wife who didn’t fit into his carefully drawn out lines, Neal wandered away with woman after woman and always came back…to his secretary.

Emma saw them in her bed in the middle of the day, and as much as she had turned a blind eye in the past, she couldn’t do that anymore. She didn’t say anything that day. What she did, instead, was drop Henry off at her parents’ apartment, go to the Rabbit Hole downtown, get drunk off her ass, and then get on stage and tell a room full of strangers the very intimate details of her life.

They laughed.

And laughed and laughed, and a woman sitting in the back of the room came up to Emma with a business card in hand and said to call her tomorrow when she was the slightest bit more sober because she thought Emma had a career in comedy.

So Emma called.

And now, three years later her son is seven, she’s divorced (thank goodness, she thinks, even if her mother is still disappointed in her), and Emma is traveling around the United States as the opening comedic act for the singer Sky Manhattan, which might be the most ridiculous stage name Emma has ever heard.

But she doesn’t care. Not at all. She doesn’t care about stage names or what kind of airplane or train she’s traveling on. She doesn’t care if she’s wearing the newest brand of shoes (she is) or the most on trend dresses (she’s got those too) with a fabulous collection of hats. All she cares about is that she has this thing that’s hers and hers alone. No one can take it from her or threaten to take her to court over it (well, actually they can, but not if she watches her language while on stage) and it’s hers. It’s not because of her parents or her shitty ex-husband who dumped his secretary for a woman who works at the Revlon counter or anyone else.

It’s because she’s damn funny, and she’s accidentally made a career of it.

She’s not making much money and still can’t afford her own place, but it’s a start. Who cares what anyone else thinks?

Oh, she cares about Henry. That’s the one thing she cares about most of all, and if he asked her to give it all up, she would. He’s the only one she’d do that for, and he’s also the only one who wouldn’t ask. Her mother thinks this is worse than getting pregnant out of wedlock, her father happened to walk into a show where she made a joke about her parents’ sex life, and the both of them have repeatedly asked her why she’s doing this and to stop doing this.

Now, they support her, but they also don’t understand. They both come from wealthy families, her mother the heiress to an oil fortune and her father a lawyer, and they’ve never understood why she’d want to go up on stage and tell crude jokes for a living.

(They’re not all crude, but it does happen sometimes. Okay, most of the time. It depends on the venue. But she’s gotten smart about that because jail is not something that appeals to her.)

But this is what she does, and when she’s finished touring, she’s going to fly back to New York, settle into her parent’s five-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, and spend all of the time that she can with her son. Neal never wants to watch him anyway despite his custody threats, so Henry’s always with her parents when she’s gone.

(“It’s not the man’s job to watch his child,” Neal says. “I’ll take him for a beer when he’s old enough.”)

The only bad thing about her job is leaving Henry, but they talk on the phone every night. She’s doing this so she can be happy, like she wants him to be happy when he gets older and is chasing his own dreams, and so maybe one day she can have a little something for herself that she didn’t have handed to her.

“Emma,” Ruby yells out, “be ready in five minutes. And remember today is a clean show, and what’s our number one rule for clean shows?”

“Don’t say ‘fuck.’”

“And our second rule?”

“Don’t say ‘fuck.’”

“You’re a genius, darling,” Ruby sighs, blowing Emma a kiss before walking out of the room with her heels clacking behind her. “And I’m the best manager on the planet.”

That quip was for Sky’s manager to hear, and Emma has to bite her lip to keep from laughing. Whale will kill her if she laughs at that. Or cut her set time in half. Emma would prefer neither, but she guesses dying won’t really be that bad.

-/-

She only says fuck once during her set, it’s a complete accident, and only two people walked out of the restaurant.

Emma would call that a success.

-/-

“With olives please,” Emma tells the bartender, holding up two fingers.

“You know, you can simply order a bowl of olives, and they’ll bring it to you.”

A smile creeps up on Emma’s face, and she swivels in her chair at the sound of a familiar and far too cheeky British accent. “Killian Jones, as I live and breathe.”

“Emma Swan, as I breathe to live.”

“Oof, not one of your best jokes.”

“Wasn’t meant to be.” He leans in to press his lips against her cheek, one side and then the other. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“At a bar in a hotel in Miami? The better question is what are you doing here?”

Killian scoffs and settles down on the barstool next to her, shrugging his suit jacket off and handing it to her. When she raises her brow, he nods down at her lack of sleeves on her dress and all of her pebbled goosebumps. “You’re chilled, and I don’t think your boy will take it well if you freeze to death on my watch.”

“It’s Florida in May. I’m not going to freeze to death. But aren’t you a gentleman?”

“I’m always a gentleman.” He turns away from her quickly and holds up a finger to get the bartender’s attention. “Can you get me a glass of whatever your best rum is and a bowl of olives? And put her drinks on my tab.”

“You are not paying, Jones.”

“I am paying. It’s not often that I see my favorite comedian.”

“You’re full of shit if you say I’m your favorite comedian.”

“Well, if we’re being technical, I’m my own favorite comedian, but I felt that was a little too much to say. I’m trying to be less of an asshole.”

Emma leans her head back and laughs before tugging Killian’s suit jacket around her shoulders. This bar is cold, probably to combat the sweltering heat outside, but she’d never admit that to him.

“I don’t think you can be less of an asshole. Being an asshole is who you are.” The bartender puts their drinks and a bowl of olives in front of them, and Emma immediately pulls the olives off the toothpick in her martini. “I’m the opening act for Sky Manhattan. That’s why I’m here. We’re on tour.”

“What kind of name is Sky Manhattan?”

“It’s his stage name.”

“Fucking dumb stage name.”

“You’re so eloquent with words.”

Killian winks. “That’s why they pay me to talk on television.”

“They pay you to talk on television because you’re funny and you look like a man in every catalog on the shelf at Bergdorf.”

“You flatter me.”

“I try. I want your ego to become so big that your head explodes and you can no longer pop up in random places.” She takes another sip of her drink and leans over to gently push his shoulder. “Seriously. What are you doing in Florida? You live in Manhattan in a fancy apartment.”

“Says the trust fund baby who lives with her parents in their fancy apartment.”

“Hey.”

Killian holds his hands up in mock apology all the while his grin reaches from ear to ear so that his eyes crinkle and the blue of his eyes shines under the dim light of the bar. “I’m working on a show here. It’s only temporary. My contract is up at the end of June, and I’ve had this lovely place to call home for a month already.”

“You’re staying here?”

“Aye.”

“In the land of pastels and peppy waitstaff? Where the bathrooms are pink?”

“It’s a nice change of pace, and since I’m not paying for it, I don’t give a damn.”

“That’s more like you,” Emma laughs, twisting a little further on her stool and leaning into his space. “I’m going to be here for two weeks. Why don’t you come to a show? I think you’ll really like my routine and the guy singing after me is pretty good too.”

“Is that all you have to convince me?”

Her heart picks up its pace as Killian’s hand brushes over her thigh, a light and fleeting touch. “I can get you a free drink and all of the shrimp cocktails you want.”

“I was going to say no, but the shrimp cocktails really do it for me.” He leans in, closer now, and Emma very nearly closes her eyes in anticipation. Of what? She knows, but she won’t even let her mind go there. “I have to run to work. Why don’t you meet me here Saturday night? I’ll take you to dinner and show.”

“I’m working Saturday night.”

“We’ll go after.”

And with that, Killian Jones is throwing cash onto the bar top for a tip and then walking away, leaving his jacket with her.

Damn, she missed him.

-/-

“How was your last day of school, kid?”

“We had cupcakes, and I had two.”

“Two?”

“I wanted three, but Mrs. Horowitz wouldn’t let me have another one.”

“I bet she didn’t want you to spoil your dinner.”

“Cupcakes could have been dinner.”

Emma laughs and stands from her bed, pulling the cord on her phone with her. “Cupcakes are not dinner. Has Grandpa been feeding you cupcakes for dinner?”

“Nope. But he does give me chocolate.”

“Ah, of course he does. I’m going to be home to see you next week before we go to the Catskills for a few days and then I go to Vegas. Are you excited?” There’s no answer on the other end of the line, just a bit of static. “Henry? Kid? Kid?”

“His friend Avery is here, Mrs. Cassidy,” Ashely says over the phone. “He went to play.”

“It’s Swan, Ashley,” Emma huffs. She doesn’t want to snap at Ashely because she’s a sweet girl and helps with Henry far more than she should as her parents’ housekeeper. “Neal and I are divorced, and I changed my last name to my middle name.”

“I have to go, Mrs. Cassidy,” Ashely mumbles. “The boys are climbing on your father’s bookshelves.”

At that, there’s no one on the other end of the line, and Emma doesn’t get the chance to speak to her parents or tell Henry she loves him.

This is her life.

-/-

“Ruby Lucas, I am not going on a date with someone you met today.”

“Why not? He’s from New York, is here on a trip, and he’s cute. I think it could be a good match, and it’s been so long since you dated, which is different than sex, mind you.” “I’ve been divorced for two years and on the road for most of that. I don’t think many men want to date a divorced mother who is a stand-up comedian. Half of them think I’m a witch.”

“That’s because men are idiots.” “And yet you want me to date one?”

“One date,” Ruby sighs, slipping on her heels and smoothing out her skirt. “He’s got money, and he knows people who can sponsor you. Think of it as a business dinner and not a date.” “Well, I can do business dinners, but I can’t tonight. I’ve got plans after the show.”

“The dinner is before the show. What the hell do you have going on after the show? I don’t have anything booked for you.”

Emma turns from Ruby and fixes her blouse, tucking it in before raising her finger and brushing away the red lipstick that’s strayed to her skin. “Killian Jones is in town. He’s taking me to dinner.”

“Ah.”

“What?”

“Well, if you’d told me the man you were sleeping with was in town, I would have changed the date of your dinner with Walsh despite me thinking you need to go on more actual dates and not just sexual rendezvous.”

“I am not sleeping with Killian.” “Please. You can lie to me about a lot of things, but I know when you’re fucking someone.”

“I have never slept with him.” She turns around so Ruby can see her eyeroll. “He’s a friend. He helps me with my routines when we’re in the same city, and he sends Henry an absolutely useless gift at least three times a year. So we’re going to dinner to catch up, and maybe I’ll get some new material for you.”

“I wouldn’t care about new material if you’d fuck Jones.”

“I’m going to fire you as my manager.”

“Never, darling. Now, tits up. You’re meeting Walsh Osbourne in the bar at six. Sweet talk him until you get a meeting for some commercial auditions.”

“I’m doing this for commercial auditions?” “We’re doing this to get our foot in the door for television. You can’t hop straight to one of the variety shows your lover Jones is on.”

“I will stab you with my heel.”

-/-

“Yeah, my son is really into baseball. I got him some tickets to the batting cage and a new bat for Christmas. He – ”

“You’re not funny,” Walsh mumbles after interrupting her in the middle of her answer to his question about what her son is interested in. “I thought you were supposed to be funny. What’s the point of dating you if you’re not funny? I knew women couldn’t be comedians and that you were just a nice piece of ass and a good pair of tits.”

It takes two seconds for Emma to pick up her glass of wine and slosh it across the table at Walsh. She’s been sitting at this table for fifteen minutes, and she doesn’t plan on sitting here any longer.

“Fuck you.”

“You’re also apparently a bitch,” Walsh spits out as she stands. “I have connections, and you can say goodbye to all of them.”

“I don’t need the connections of a sexist pig who doesn’t think women are capable of being funny. I can guarantee you, Mr. Osbourne, that we are, and if you take offense to women not laughing at your jokes or not telling their own jokes all the time, maybe you should look in the mirror and figure out that you’re the one who couldn’t tell a joke to save his life.” “Fuck you. I hope your performance is a failure tonight.” “It’ll certainly be better than yours.”

-/-

She kills it in her set. She’s fucking spectacular and funny, and everyone who thinks otherwise can screw themselves.

Everyone who thinks she has to spend her days only being funny and coming up with jokes can screw themselves as well.

-/-

She sees Killian slip out right before she closes and introduces Sky.

-/-

“Was I funny?” Emma asks, tugging Killian’s suit jacket around her shoulders. She was going to give it back to him tonight, but it’s chilly again. Plus, he’s wearing a different fitted black suit tonight, and he doesn’t need it back right now.

“Pardon?” “How’d you like my set? I know you were watching.” “Was I?” he ponders, tapping his finger against his lips. “I wouldn’t know.”

“You’re being an ass, and you said you were trying to stop that.”

His brows move across his forehead, that same cheeky smile still on his lips. “I may have been there.”

“And what’d you think?”

“Buy me dinner first, and then I’ll tell you.”

They go to a restaurant that doesn’t seem to believe in white-colored light bulbs or volume limits, and Emma loves it. A band is constantly playing, dancers moving around the floor, and the steak she has is quite possibly the best steak she’s ever had.

Killian Jones has always known how to plan an evening and pick out a restaurant.

“Shall we dance?” he questions as Emma leans back into her chair, absolutely full even if she feels lighter than she has in quite some time.

“What?”

“Dance with me, Swan.”

“I don’t dance.”

Killian stands and holds his hand out for her, blue eyes sparkling even under all of the colored lights. “All you need is a partner who knows what he’s doing.” “And you do?”

“Of course, love. I’m an expert in…movements.”

Emma rolls her eyes, but she takes his hand anyway and melts into the warmth of him as his fingers curl around her palm. “That wasn’t your best work. You’re slacking lately.”

If he responds, she has no idea. The music is too loud already, and it gets louder when they move closer to the band. The songs have been fast and upbeat all night, and yet the moment they start to dance, it changes into something soft, slow. It’s probably for the best. Emma really doesn’t know how to dance (or sing) despite everything asking her why she isn’t a dancer when she tells them she’s a comedian, and she’s pretty much got two left feet out here. So she places one hand more firmly in Killian’s, another around his neck, and they sway back and forth.

It’s not proper how close they are, body pressed tightly against body, but she’s never cared for proper.

She’s never cared for rules and expectations, and while that stung when Neal told her that was one of the reasons he strayed from their marriage, she knows that nothing he says is anything she should listen to.

It’s okay if he strays from the conventional path sleeping with her without them being married and going off and fucking his secretary, but the moment she doesn’t want to cook a ham every night, she’s the one who’s too wild.

He never thought she was funny either. That should have been the first sign.

“I’ve been thinking, love.” “I never like when you do that.”

“Yes, yes you do.”

Killian hums and turns them in a circle, his hand sliding lower on her back. “What were you thinking, Jones?”

“You’ve made comments about my jokes being off, and I don’t know…I suppose I don’t feel the need to be funny around you, and it’s nice. There’s not all that – ”

“Pressure? Expectation? The need to always be thinking two steps ahead?”

“Exactly. As much as I like bantering with you and coming up with new material, I like that I can talk about whatever the hell I want without worrying that I’m being too boring.”

Emma looks up at him and sees his soft smile and blue eyes she finds more charming by the minute. “I like that I don’t have to be funny with you, too.”

“Good.”

-/-

“So, quite the nice night.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s five in the morning.”

“Ah, well,” Killian sighs, waving his hand out to the ocean and the few boats moving over it. The sun isn’t rising, not quite yet, and she can still see the stars twinkling in the sky. “We haven’t gone to bed yet, so I still consider it night.” “Well, if you consider it to be night, how can I deny that?”

“You can’t. Where’s your room?”

“Fifth floor. Where’s yours?”

“Seventh.”

They walk in companionable silence until they find the outdoor staircase that leads to their rooms. Emma’s heels are in her hand, have been for the past few hours, but her feet still ache. She should have changed into her flats after the show, but she didn’t stop to think before heading to meet Killian at the bar. Suddenly, they’re standing on the fifth floor, two doors down from her room, and then they’re there standing on either side of her hotel door.

Killian blinks, and Emma blinks back, not sure whether to speak or to search for her keys. She might be too tired to think coherent thoughts. She also might not want this night to end. It’s the first time in a long time where she hasn’t spent hours trying to impress someone, and if she goes to bed, that’ll be over.

(She doesn’t want it to be over.)

(She wants just this one thing, this one night.)

“You’re staring.” “So are you.”

“Well, I do have a particularly pretty face, love.”

She scoffs and rolls her eyes, leaning against the wall and closer to Killian. “Are you going to tell me what you thought of my act now?”

Leaning closer, Killian brushes his hand over her forearm and up her shoulder until he’s tucking her hair behind her ear. A shiver runs down her spine, working its way into her bones, and her skin pebbles. “You were fucking spectacular, Ms. Swan.”

Emma’s cheek blush, and since she can’t look into the ridiculous blue of Killian’s eyes, she digs for her keys in her clutch and pulls it out, sticking it into the lock. The door swings open, the bed immediately in sight, and Emma feels Killian’s intake of breath. She also feels him stepping away.

It’d be so easy to ask him to come inside and ask him to unzip her dress and untie his tie until they’re both undressed and panting against each other, but it’s also just as easy to step inside without him, right?

Right.

(Maybe not just this one thing on this one night.)

“Goodnight, love,” Killian tells her. “I’ll ring you when I’m back in New York.”

“Henry and I will both be waiting.”

-/-

Neal calls her when she’s in Las Vegas two weeks later to tell her that she’s a horrible mother.

He’s seen his son once (for an hour) in the past month, and he lives ten minutes from him.

Emma has seen Henry three times, one of which was for four days in the Catskills, and she’s traveling the country on tour.

She is not a horrible mother, and she will not let Neal’s voice get in her head. Not anymore.

One more month of this, and then she’s home for two months before they go to Europe for the rest of the tour. She can do two weeks in Las Vegas and two more in Palm Springs.

She can.

-/-

Killian sends her a postcard from New York in the beginning of July.

I’m back in New York. Your boy has already convinced me to take him to a Yankees game. I’m sure we’ll be on our fourth visit by the time you get this.

I promise I’ll try not to corrupt him while you’re gone.

Killian’s an asshole.

But a good asshole.

(And maybe he’s not really an asshole at all.)

-/-

“Ah, that sweet smell of urine and concrete,” Ruby sighs as their taxi pulls in front of Emma’s apartment building. “I’ve missed you.”

“There’s been urine and concrete in all of the places we’ve been.”

“It’s not the same, and you know it.”

“I know, I know.” Emma leans over and kisses Ruby’s cheeks. “It’s been fun, my friend, but I don’t want to see your face for at least a week, okay?”

“I don’t want to see your face for two weeks.”

“Then we have an agreement.”

Emma laughs as she exists the car and motions for the doormen to come and get her bags. She definitely has far too many of them for as much as she doesn’t care about clothes, hers seem to keep expanding. She takes one suitcase and a hatbox and quickly walks into the building and to the elevator, and the operator hits the button for her floor. She’s bouncing with excitement, her feet nearly coming out of her shoes, and she’s so close to Henry she might buzz right out of her skin.

“Mom,” he yells when she opens the apartment door. Emma drops her bag and her box and bends down until Henry is running into her arms. “You’re home.”

“Yeah, kid,” she whispers, cupping the back of his head. “I’m home.”

-/-

“My mother wants me to meet a man.”

“Excuse me?”

Emma brushes past Killian into his apartment, and she lets out the low whistle she always lets out every time she’s here. Whereas her apartment is filled with antiques and furniture that can’t be sat on (thanks Mom and Dad), Killian’s apartment is sleek and modern. It’s all clean lines and black and white decorations with little pops of blue. It’s a man’s apartment, and she’s always loved it.

Plus, the view of the Hudson is spectacular.

“I never wanted to be a woman whose entire life revolved around cooking, cleaning, and waiting for their husband to get home to not acknowledge any of that,” Emma rants, kicking off her shoes and immediately walking to his liquor cabinet. She can’t reach the shelf with all of his good stuff, but there’s a cheap bottle of rum just within her reach. “My mom seems to think that I need a husband to rein me in from my ‘rebellious’ phase.”

“You had a husband. You hated being married.”

“I didn’t hate being married. I hated being married to him.” “Ah.” “What?”

“Well, there’s a difference?”

“Yes, there’s a difference! I imagine being married doesn’t suck if you like the person you’re married to and if he doesn’t sleep with every woman he meets.” She pours both she and Killian a tumbler of rum and hands him his glass. He eyes her but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he tilts the glass to his lips and takes a large gulp. “I just…I don’t know why my mom thinks it’s imperative for me to get married again.”

She walks over the couch and curls her legs underneath her while Killian sits in on the other side, propping his feet up on the coffee table. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-five.”

Killian clicks his tongue again, and she’s never noticed how much ginger is in his beard before now. “Well, you’re basically an old maid.”

Emma kicks her foot out at him. “You’re the worst.”

His lips curl into a smirk. “I am undeniably the greatest. And look, your mum is old-fashioned. She doesn’t get why you wouldn’t want to marry just anyone or why you want to spend your days traveling around the world making dick jokes. The one about his dick being so big it was a Richard was inspired, by the way, even if I did know that it was inspired by me.”

“I will stain your white rug with my drink.”

“I’ve got a very nice woman named Greta who knows just how to get that out.”

“Who knew being crude on late night television paid so well as to have a Greta?”

“You did, Swan,” he laughs, taking another sip of his drink before placing it on a coaster. “But back to your mother.” Emma rolls her eyes, but Killian pays her no attention. “She thinks the way to happiness is being married to a nice man and having him provide for you. You have to let her know that you don’t want another Neal or someone you’re only with because it’s proper. You want someone who you love and who lights that fire in your soul that you don’t want to be put out.”

“Someone who I don’t feel the need to be funny around.”

“Yeah,” Killian says slowly, a red blush dusting his cheeks, “someone who you don’t feel the need to be funny with, someone you don’t have to put on an act around.”

There’s always been something about Killian Jones that has unsettled her and yet made her feel comfortable. The night they met she had to bail him out of jail because one of his performances was deemed too crude by the police presence in the bar, and they’ve been circling around each other ever since. He’s wormed his way into her life, and she never really noticed. It’s been in short conversations and trading jokes at a bar, but then it was getting together for dinner and him taking Henry to Yankees games. It was dancing in clubs and almost, almost, almost asking him to come into her hotel room.

It was having him know her better than anyone else knows her.

Slowly, Emma rises from her spot on the couch and walks over to Killian, pressing down and placing her knees on either side of his thighs before she raises her hand and thumbs at the scar on his cheek while her other hand brushes his hair back. Killian blinks up at her, his mouth no longer smirking. Instead, he’s softly smiling at her, and Emma feels a long-forgotten flurry in her stomach.

“Emma – ” She leans forward until her forehead presses against his and until her nose is nudging against his. Killian’s hands are warm against her waist, and she feels it all the way down to her bones, seeping deep within her. “What do you think you’re doing, sweetheart?”

“Being with someone I want to be with, someone who I don’t have to put on an act with.”

His lips are soft and gentle, a fluttering of a movement against her own, and it’s the exact opposite of what she thought kissing Killian would be like. She thought, if anything, they’d be drunk and stumbling across the room, clothes falling to the ground and lips not marking their intended target. She thought her mind would be too fuzzy to think.

That’s not at all what’s happening.

All she can think about is how much she’s wanted this, even if she didn’t realize it but in fleeting moments after nights of alcohol, and how natural it feels to have his scruff burn her chin and to have his lips caress hers.

This is good.

This is a fire she would never want to put out.

“You’re not going to regret that and talk about it in your act, are you?” Killian chuckles while kissing the corner of her cheek and then her jaw, his lips like magic.

“Regret it? No. Put it in my act? Absolutely. I’m not sure how I’m going to make it funny, though,” she sighs, pressing herself further into him, “because there’s nothing funny about this.”

“No, love, I don’t think there is.”

-/-

She wakes up the next morning to Killian kissing her bare skin and whispering words to her that have chills running down her spine.

They go to a Yankees game with Henry, and Killian buys far too much ice cream, not that Henry would complain. Not the Emma would either. She’s too damn happy for any of that.

And he doesn’t judge her for eating a hot dog.

-/-

All Killian wants for Emma is to be happy and live life how she’s always dreamed of living her life, not by whatever standards are expected for her.

Oh, and to keep on being the spectacular Ms. Swan.

(It’s Mrs. Jones now, but the stage name of Ms. Swan has a nice ring to it.)

(She keeps on being damn funny.)

-/-

-/-

Tag list: @csjanuaryjoy​ @stahlop @shardminds @carpedzem @captainsjedi  @galaxyzxstark @thejollyroger-writer @kmomof4 @tiganasummertree @xellewoods @idristardis @karenfrommisthaven @shireness-says @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @ultimiflos @jamif @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke  @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @spartanguard @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious (because we talked about it yesterday...let Lenny live 😉)

[bibliothesoph]

despondency

Henry shakes his head, trying to push the tears back down. If he stays strong, everything will be okay. They always told him to remain calm in these sorts of situations. They said it would make everything better––fear can kill. So he’s trying to be calm and be the voice of reason here. He’s doing everything they told him to when they prepared him for this sort of thing. Clearly, they didn’t prepare him well enough because he thinks he’s losing his fucking mind. It’s easier when you’re the one on the ground, isn’t it? All his life, he never thought he’d be in this position––the position where he has to bite his lip to keep himself from sobbing as he does everything he can to keep him alive or, at least, alive enough until someone finds them and gets him proper medical attention.

“Attention,” Alex says, his voice loud and probably supposed to be demanding. “The car is here and if you’re not out there in with me in two minutes, I’m leaving your ass here.”

Henry laughs and kisses him, rolling his eyes as he starts to drag his suitcase out of the house.

It’s a clear, cloudless morning in New York. There’s a bit of wind, but it’s not too bad. New York has seen colder springtimes than this one, and it’s due to clear up in a day or two, anyway. Alex and Henry won’t be here to see it, though, since they’re currently on their way to vacation in Mexico for a week. It’s taken quite a bit of schedule wrangling and annoying phone calls with their respective PPO teams to get this arranged, but it’s all finally worked out down to the last detail. A whole week in Mexico with absolutely nothing to do but tan by the sea and go to all of the places Alex has written down to show Henry. Alex may think that this is some sort of compromise––that Henry is only going to Mexico because Alex asked for it––but Henry might be more excited about this than Alex is, honestly. It’ll be a way for Henry to see the world through Alex’s eyes––to see everything Alex loves about it from his perspective. And Henry could not be more thrilled to have the opportunity.

As soon as they’re both in the car and driving to the airstrip, Henry feels a hand in his own, squeezing it.

There’s a hand upon his own, squeezing it. As if Henry’s the one that needs the reassurance right now, not the other way around. He shakes his head again because it’s all too much for him right now––the blood and the thoughts racing through his head. It’s all getting managed up and twisted inside of him and he fears that soon and without warning, he might explode with all of the emotions he’s feeling right now. He should have insisted that Cash or Shaan come along. He shouldn’t have let this happen. He shouldn’t have suggested a walk to the café around the corner for a cup of coffee like it was something they could just do like normal people.

“People are going to stare at us, aren’t they,” Henry says in the air.

Alex rolls his eyes. “Don’t they always?”

“Yes, but…I don’t know. Do you think it’ll be better or worse in another country? You know, one that our families aren’t in charge of?”

Alex shrugs and cozies up next to him, his socked feet landing on top of Henry’s. “Hard to say,” he sighs. “But I do know that if anyone’s staring at you, it’ll be because you look so fucking good in a swimsuit.”

Henry smiles, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Mm, is that so? Even when I inevitably burn myself to a crisp?”

“Mm, you won’t burn. I mean, isn’t sunscreen just an excuse for me to touch you in public?”

Henry laughs and kisses Alex’s cheek before pulling out his book––some beach read that June gave him.

The flight isn’t long compared to some of the other journeys they’ve had together, so when they touch down in sunny Mexico, they feel ready to drop their things at the hotel and start exploring. They’ve got two hotels planned out for the week. The first one, the one they’ll be staying in now, is in Mexico City. The second is on an island off the coast––something secluded and secretive and made for people like them. Though Henry is, of course, excited for the practically private island and all of the amenities it has to offer, he’s more excited about the first part of their vacation in Mexico City. He knows how dear this place is to Alex––how he has so many fond memories here. The idea of Alex playing tour guide is, for some reason, absolutely thrilling to him. Maybe he’ll get him a hat or something. Make him wear a uniform. When he thinks about it, it sounds nice. Would Alex be into that sort of thing?

“You’re thinking too hard,” Alex hums, slinking an arm around his waist as they stand in their hotel room.

“You’re…thinking,” Alex tells him, “too hard.”

Henry tries to laugh but he’s incapable right now. Alex is, as he usually is, right about this. Henry is thinking too much. “I’m not,” he tries to assure him.

Alex, even in this state, doesn’t buy it for even a moment. Instead, he reached up and smooths the lines of worry between Henry’s eyebrows with the pad of his thumb. Henry doesn’t even think about the blood he might be leaving there––it’s not important right now. “Henry, I wan––”

Henry shakes his head again and sniffs the tears away, pushing them down to be dealt with later. He puts more pressure on the bleeding wound even though he knows it’ll do no good. “No,” he says, voice shaking. “None of that.”

Alex’s pale, sweaty face smiles slightly up at him, the corner of his mouth rising slightly. “Plea––”

“You’re going to be fine,” Henry says, cutting him off again. “Do you hear me? Fine.”

“Fine,” Henry groans, rolling his eyes. It’s seven in the morning on their second day in Mexico and, for some reason, they’re both awake. Alex wants coffee though, given how much he’s fidgeting, Henry doesn’t think he really needs it.

“There’s a cool place on the corner,” Alex tells him as they get dressed. “I can call Shaan––”

“What if we didn’t? What if we…snuck out?”

Alex raises an eyebrow at him, clearly intrigued. “Oh? You mean to tell me that you want to sneak out without the chaperones? How scandalous! What would the Queen say?”

Henry lovingly rolls his eyes. “It’s just a coffee. We’ll be gone for, what? Twenty minutes? I’m sure we can manage walking down the street. Plus, hardly anyone’s even looked our way upon arriving here.”

Henry starts to leave but Alex tugs him back, slipping something into his hand. “Almost forgot this,” Alex tells him. Henry looks and sees that Alex has just handed him his phone.

“I suppose even vacation can’t really let us get away entirely, can it?”

Alex hums and reaches up to kiss him softly, wrapping his arms around his waist. “You’ll thank me later.”

“Mm, will I? And why’s that?”

“Because you love me,” he says with a smile, “and if you don’t, you won’t get to see me in the special suit I picked out just for you. First you gotta admit that I'm the smart one, though.”

Henry kisses him again with a smile on his face. “I never said you weren't smart. Even when you're being a complete tease and a menace, you're still one of the smartest people I know.”

Alex is smart, though. Always has been. He knows that Henry can’t know that for certain. “Stop it,” Alex groans as Henry presses down more.

Afraid that he’s hurting him, Henry pulls away.

“I meant stop shutting…me up,” Alex says. He chuckles which turns into a cough which morphs into a bit of blood staining his lips.

Henry closes his eyes for a moment, unable to stand the sight of it. He wipes the blood away with his fingers so Alex doesn’t have to feel it anymore. Or maybe so Henry doesn’t have to see it. There’s already so much––his once white shirt is completely red with it. “I just don’t want you to be a pessimist.”

Alex scoffs. “A pessimist? Henry, I’m dying.”

“Henry,” Alex groans, “I’m dying. You’ve embarrassed me to the point of no return.”

Henry rolls his eyes. “Come on, it wasn’t all that bad.”

“You said you were learning Spanish!”

“I am learning Spanish, Alex. I just…I messed up my words!”

Alex nearly doubles over in laughter. “How? Seriously, tell me how you confused the two? They sound completely different!”

Henry opens his mouth but closes it again, not really knowing how to win this battle. “Maybe I should give up entirely. Clearly all that tutoring isn’t very helpful.”

Alex rolls his eyes, nudging him with his shoulder. “Oh, come on. Don’t be such a pessimist.”

“I’m not being a pessimist,” Henry huffs. “I’m just––I’m acknowledging that it’s hopeless.”

Alex shakes his head and reaches up, kissing the underside of his jaw. “Sweetheart, that’s exactly what a pessimist would say.”

“That’s exactly what a pessimist would say,” Henry argues. He picks up his phone again, texting Shaan. He asks how far they are––how much longer does he have to keep this up? He’s losing his mind; he’s certain of it. All he can see is Alex and the blood. All he can feel is this numbing fear that there’s not a thing he can do to help him right now and that the agents won’t get here in time. If Alex dies now, in his fucking arms, how will he be able to live with himself? They were supposed to have won the battle––they were supposed to have a long, happy life together. Alex has survived a lot of terrible things, and this should be no different. It should take more than some random drunk guy with a gun to kill him.

“Henry, if I…say something…” Alex says, his words getting slurred together, “can you just…l-listen?”

“Can you just listen?” Henry begs, trying to hold Alex back.

There’s a man across the street, completely drunk. This part of the city is completely quiet and dead save for him and his stumbling mess of incoherent Spanish that Henry can’t make out. It sounds threatening, though.

Alex’s face pales as soon as he listens to him. “Shit, Henry, we need to go.”

He starts pulling Henry away, but Henry stands his ground for a moment. “Why? What’s he saying?”

“He’s––shit, he’s coming over here. Just––don’t move, okay? He’s––fuck, H, he’s got a gun just––“

Terrified, he squeezes Alex’s hand and nods.

Henry nods and brushes the tears off of Alex’s cheeks. He leans down and kisses them away for good measure. “Yes. I promise.”

Alex smiles weakly. “I’m sorry,” he begins. “And I know…we didn’t p-plan this…but it’s…it’s okay.”

Henry is trying his fucking hardest to keep the tears from falling down his cheeks. His lip quivers.

“I love you. So…fucking much. More…than you could…know.”

“I do know,” Henry promises him, his tears still threatening to spill over. He holds Alex’s face in his free hand, rubbing his thumb over the skin there. “I know and I love you more than anything. You’re not going to die, you hear me? We’re––you’ll get through this, love. You have to. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

Alex’s eyes start to roll back but Henry shakes him, trying to keep him awake. “No, no,” Henry begs, “don’t fall asleep. Just––keep talking to me, yeah? Insult me. I know you’re good at that.”

Normally, Alex would laugh. He would find it amusing. Now, all he does is look up at Henry. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t say a word.

This is when the fear really takes a hold of Henry. It bubbles up inside of him––everything he’s been trying to push down comes up to the surface. He’s alone, he’s terrified, and it doesn’t look like Alex is breathing anymore. There’s blood on his lips. His eyes are dull and glossed over.

“Alex,” Henry says, shaking him. “Alex!”

But Alex doesn’t respond.

Henry feels Alex’s stillness in every cell in his body. It’s the worst kind of pain––there’s nothing he can do to stop it. He screams and doubles over, collapsing on top of Alex with his head on Alex’s chest.

He can’t––he can’t just lose Alex. Alex can’t just leave. It’s not what they agreed on––it’s not something that should happen. He’s so angry that he feels like he’s being set on fire. It pulses in his fingertips, making his fists clench uncontrollably. The tears escape his eyes, flowing freely and violently down his face. He tastes them in his mouth. How is this possible? How can Alex be––

He won’t survive this. There’s no way he’ll survive this. Alex has his heart completely. And now that Alex is gone…what is he supposed to do? How is he supposed to get through this? He’s lost two of the most important people in his life now––he can’t…

There’s a hand on his shoulder.

Alex puts his hand on his shoulder before launching himself in front of Henry, taking the bullet shooting out of the man’s gun. The man sees Alex fall to the ground, drops the gun, and runs away. Somehow sober now.

Henry sinks to his knees––the world is falling apart around him.

His world is falling into pieces around him.

It’s Shaan. He’s saying something that Henry can’t hear. Maybe he doesn’t want to hear it. He can't bring himself to hear any voice that isn’t Alex’s. Alex told him––he said everything would be okay, didn’t he? That this would be fun. That nothing would happen. It was just a short walk––the corner and back again. This wasn’t…this isn’t right.

Someone––Zahra, he thinks––pulls Henry off of him, physically restraining him as he fights them to make his way back to Alex. Everything’s muted. There’s a ringing in his ear. He watches as Shaan and Cash huddle around Alex’s body, doing something.

“Don’t touch him!” Henry screams. “Get away from him!”

“They’re helping, Henry,” Zahra says behind him.

Suddenly, there’s a gasp and a rush of movement. Shaan and Cash move away, rushing to both sides of Alex’s body and propping it up. Through his tears, Henry tries to see what’s going on.

“Told you I wasn’t being a fucking pessimist,” Alex croaks with a shit-eating grin on his face.

Henry frees himself from Zahra’s grasp and rushes over, pulling Alex into a hug. He pulls back a moment later, knowing that he’s probably just hurting him.

“I love you,” Alex mumbles into Henry’s hair.

Henry laughs wetly and kisses him. “If you ever do that to me again…”

“What?” Alex challenges. “You’ll kill me?”

Henry shakes his head as more tears spill over, kissing Alex again. It’s only been a few minutes, but God did he miss these lips.

[abundanceofsoph]

SkyFire 2: Chapter 8

Louis in NYC: June 2016

Word count: 2.5k

SkyFire 2 MASTERLIST

The song Louis and Rori write in this chapter is Leave a Light On by Tom Walker. I decided really early on in this fic that this song was going to be one of Aurora’s and I just think it’s beautiful

>Instagram posts

The night after Niall left, Aurora woke with a start, sweat beading across her forehead and her left arm aching. She laid still in the darkness, staring up towards the ceiling as her chest heaved with every laboured breath. After a while she began to calm but after looking at the clock and seeing that it was around 4 in the morning she groaned, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep. She grabbed her phone off the bedside table and opened WhatsApp.

◊Aurora: Are you free?

◊Harry: I am. What are you doing up so early?

Instead of replying, she hit the call button at the top of the screen, waiting as the dial tone rang for a brief moment.

“What’s wrong love?” Harry asked.

“Sorry,” Aurora murmured. “Are you sure I’m not interrupting anything?”

“Not at all. We’re just broke for an early lunch,” Harry said. “Now tell me what’s got awake at 4am?”

Aurora sighed heavily, her heart already settling back into its normal rhythm, soothed by the familiar cadence of Harry’s voice. “Nightmare’s again.”

“Thought you said they were getting better?” he asked, concern thick in his voice and she could picture the way his brows would be lowered over his eyes.

“They were,” she sighed. “I think having Niall around all the time helped.”

“He went home yesterday?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Saw you two went out on the town,” he chuckled. “Looked like fun.”

“It was. Felt like old times.”

“I’m glad you had fun…” his voice trailed off, struggling to keep up the light-hearted mood in the wake of his concern for her.

“I’ll be alright H. Just missing you.”

“I’ll be home before you know it,” he promised and she smiled softly, happy to hear him referring to the tower as home.

“Enough about me,” she said. “Tell me all about being a big movie star.”

He chuckled but told her all about being on set and how he was getting along with his co-stars. “Baby, I gotta get back to work,” he said after a while. “You gonna be able to sleep now?”

“Probably not,” she sighed. “Might just go downstairs and paint for a while.”

“Ok. I love you.”

“And I love you Harry.”

xXx

Aurora was in the kitchen a few days after her early morning talk with Harry. She was making a cup of tea, her back to the rest of the room where the open plan kitchen looked out across the large living room. She heard the elevator doors slide open over in the far corner of the room, paying it no mind, assuming it was one of the towers residence coming or going as they often did. She added a splash of milk to her mug and returned the carton to the fridge, almost dropping the bottle when a familiar voice yelled out. “Oi Oi!”

She spun around, her face already lighting up with a grin the moment her eyes landed on him. “Louis!” she screamed, running across the room to throw herself into his arms. “What are you doing here?” she asked as he spun her around, his bags forgotten at his feet.

“Missed you love,” he replied. “Got jealous that you spent 3 weeks straight with Irish and I had to come get my own quality time with ya.”

“Harry called, didn’t he?” she asked.

“He was just worried about you getting a bit lonely without him,” Louis explained, finally putting her back on her feet. “Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m not mad,” Aurora argued. Louis laughed as she followed him into the living room, sitting down next to her on the sofa, folding his leg underneath him to turn and face her completely. “I’m not. I just wish everything would go back to normal. It’s not like I can be angry at him or my parents treating me like I’m broken. They’re not wrong.”

“You’re fine,” Louis scoffed. “There’s nothing wrong with needing to have people around you who care about you. H didn’t ask me to be here with you because he thinks you’ll fall apart on your own, he wanted me here because he feels guilty that he left right after the surgery.”

“I know he feels guilty not being here,” she said. “I think I worried him when I called him the night after Niall left.”

“Why’s that?” Louis asked, his hand resting on her knee.

“I have nightmares when I’m alone at night,” she explained. “Most nights that Niall was here I ended up crashing in his room because I didn’t want to be on my own.”

“Sounds like we’re gonna have plenty of sleepovers then,” Louis joked.

“I really am glad that you’re here, but I’m surprised you’re not out in California with Freddie.”

“I was,” he replied, “but my little sister needed me.”

“Thanks Lou.”

“Anytime, love.”

“He’s beautiful by the way,” Aurora added, happy to change the subject to something happier.

“Wanna see some more photos?” Louis asked, already pulling out his phone.

“Of course,” Rori laughed, leaning in to see Louis and the little baby on his screen. They spent the rest of the afternoon talking about Louis son and what the first few months of fatherhood had been like for him. Steve and Tony were both happy to find the pair in the living room when they arrived home in the early evening, having noticed the change in Rori’s mood since Niall had left the previous week.  They had JARVIS order pizza and the rest of the crew made their way up to the penthouse for dinner. Aurora really was glad to have Louis there and was grateful that Harry had called him. Over the years Louis had taken on the roll of older brother in her life and she had missed him in the months since the band had gone their separate ways.

Eventually it started to get late and slowly everyone excused themselves, heading off to bed one by one. Louis didn’t even pretend that he would be staying in one of the many guest rooms, and instead headed straight for Aurora’s room and dropped his bag at the end of the bed. Rori took her pyjamas into the bathroom to change and by the time she came back out, Louis had changed and was lying on Harry’s side of the bed. She climbed in next to him, a respectful distance between them which caused Louis to laugh.

“Get over here and give us a cuddle,” he said, opening his arms out as he turned on his side to face her. “You know Harold won’t mind.”

She let out her own chuckle, remembering how many times the two of them had fallen asleep on the tour bus or on green room couches together. Harry had of course never had a problem with it, knowing that there was nothing romantic about it and that they were just comfortable around each other. She scooted over towards the centre of the bed, letting Louis wrap his arms around her and she snuggled in against his chest. She fell asleep quickly, sleeping better than she had in weeks.

xXx

As was always the case when the two of them were together, Aurora and Louis spent more time goofing around and having fun than they did actually working. Even so they still managed to pull together a couple of songs they were happy with.

“Wanna take another pass at that house on the hill song we were messing with the other day?” Louis asked.

“Yeah sure thing,” Rori smiled back. “Take it from the second verse?”

Louis nodded and began strumming away on the guitar, Aurora joining in with her lyrics a few beats later.

Tell me what's been happening, what's been on your mind Lately, you've been searching for a darker place to hide That's alright But if you carry on spiralling, they'll be robbed from us I refuse to lose another friend to guns Just come home, don't let go

If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill Guidin' like a lighthouse To a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace 'Cause we've all made mistakes If you've lost your way

I will leave the light on

If you look into the distance, there's a house upon the hill Guidin' like a lighthouse It's a place where you'll be safe to feel our grace And if you've lost your way, if you've lost your way I will leave the light on And I know you're down and out now, but I need you to be brave Hidin' from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay I see your pain If you don't feel our grace and you've lost your way

I will leave the light on

“I’m thinking we should add a piano track,” Aurora suggested when she finished singing. She moved over to the upright piano and started putting together the right hand of the melody.

“Maybe go up here in the bridge,” Louis suggested. He nodded when Aurora tried it. “Yeah that’s better, kinda cuts through the melody nicely.”

“I like it,” Aurora agreed.

“Think you want to keep this one?” he asked when they finished.

“Nah, I still don’t really see myself doing the whole solo thing. You want it?”

“No thanks love,” Louis replied. “Don’t think it’s the direction I wanna head in.”

“Any idea what that is?” she asked.

“Not yet,” he sighed. “I know the others are chomping at it to get out there on their own, but I think I wanna ease it into.”

“I get that,” Rori said.

“Think you’re probably the only one that does get it. Everyone else is on my ass about writing and getting a solo album out as quick as possible.”

“Tell ‘em to fuck off, Lou.”

Louis let out a loud peel of laughter in response, rolling backwards where he was sitting on the floor. “Jesus I really did miss hanging out with you,” he finally said when he pulled himself together.

xXx

They were up on the roof one night, the hot summer air still hanging over the city even though the sun had set hours ago and they both lay on their backs staring up at the sky. Aurora’s head was cushioned on Louis chest, and she toed off her shoes, the hem of her dress covering her thighs.

“Hey Rors?” Louis asked, breaking the stillness of the evening. The sound of traffic below them floated up but given how high they were above the streets it was more of a soft background noise than it would have been down below.

“Yeah?” she replied, turning her head to the side, only able to see the underside of his chin as he continued looking up at the hint of stars above them.

“I never really asked you about the shooting because I didn’t want to upset you, but I was wondering if you ever wanted to talk about it?”

“For a while I kept trying to pretend it never happened,” she said, turning back to look at the darkness spread out above them. “I know that probably sounds ridiculous given that my hand was held together by metal plates and my shoulder was in pieces, but I couldn’t think about it at first. Then I started talking to Sam and it helped, so I started talking to Harry. I’m not ready to talk to the press or anything, but I think it helps to talk with the people around me.”

“What was it like?” Louis asked.

“Terrifying.” His hand lifted to comb through her hair while she spoke. “I was confused at first, but then once we all realised what was happening, we got under the tables and I had JARVIS send out an S.O.S.” She paused for a moment, thinking back to that day in the library. “I remember the bullets feeling hot, like a hot iron poker. I think I went into shock pretty quick and my head was spinning. I remember Pops lifting me up. His face is what I see in my nightmares most nights. The fear in his eyes was what made me realise I was dying. By the time I got to the hospital I’d lost consciousness, but they said I lost so much blood that it was close. And then I woke up and I couldn’t really believe I was alive, but my dads were there and so was Harry.”

“I hate that that happened to you,” Louis whispered. “When we found out what happened and they were trying to get Harry on a plane and cancel the show, we saw that photo of you in Steve’s arms and I kept thinking; what are we gonna do if you die?”

“I’m sorry, Lou. I forget that it wasn’t just me that went through hell that day.”

“Don’t ever apologise,” he told her. “I’m just glad you’re still here.”

“Me too.”

They both let the conversation drop, the silence wrapping back around them as they lay out in the summer night. Over the past few months, Aurora had found herself resenting how much Harry, Steve and Tony were hovering over her. She’d hated the way they watched her constantly as if afraid that the moment they turned away she would fall apart. She’d thought they saw her as weak and resented their pity. It was only now, lying in the darkness with Louis that she realised that everything they’d done was just their way of loving her and trying to protect her. So much focus was on her injuries, both physical and mental, that she often forgot how traumatising the shooting had been on all of them. How could she possibly blame them for being overprotective of her when they had so very nearly lost her. It wasn’t that she wasn’t able to look after herself, it was more that they wanted to help her in any way they could. She felt stupid for not realising any of this sooner considering how painfully obvious it now seemed.

“I can hear you thinking,” Louis muttered. “Care to share with the class?”

“Just thinking about how much you all love me,” Rori replied. “You’d really do anything to make sure I’m ok.”

“You best believe it,” he said, his hand resting on her shoulder, squeezing gently. “So, stop complaining and just let us help you.”

“I love you Lou,” she murmured, sitting up to look at him in the soft light. “Growing up I always wanted a brother and I’m so grateful I got the best one.”

“Love you too Rors.” He also sat up, pulling her into a tight hug. “I think we all blame ourselves for not being able to protect you. I know it’s not rational because how could anyone of us have stopped what happened, but seeing you hurting kills us. Please don’t feel like you need to put on a brave face around any of us, because we would walk through fire for you.”

Aurora didn’t say anything, still clinging to Louis and he let the silence once again fall around them, glad that he’d finally said everything that had been gnawing away at him for months and happy that she finally understood why her family was hovering over her.

NEXT CHAPTER

OR CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[mushyjellybeans]

AHHHHH so like I love you obviously with my whole heart. Part 2 of another time????????????????

I love you too with my whole heart 😭😭💜💜💜

Another Time Part 2

a/n: so uhhh I kinda rambled on and on here huh? 😂 I'm writing from my phone too so I can't insert a read more line *sighs* this definitely isn't a drabble!

Bucky wasted no time getting down to the garage and mounting his precious Harley bike, ignoring the constant calls of his name from the trio responsible for your departure.

Bucky didn't like bullies, he thought they were cowards and pathetic.

He kicked the kickstand up with his boot after opening the garage doors and set off to the location Friday had kindly sent him.

You didn't go too far, you were in the city with your backpack looking for a hotel for the night. You wanted nothing more than to be accepted by the whole team, but when you're bullied not by one, or two but three of them, it really takes a toll on your mental health. Degrading thoughts about yourself were eating their way in your brain. Was there something about you that made you an easy target?

You sauntered into a nearby cafe, ordering a large latte with a muffin and sat down on one of the tables in the corner by the window, onlooking the crowds of people walking past going about their daily business. You often felt a pang of jealously - living your life like them, getting a job to pay your rent and bills.

The waitress breaks your crazy daydream and puts your order down in front of you.

You quickly get stuck in to the muffin, sugaring your coffee as your chewing the delicious chocolate cake.

The bell above the cafe doll dings and a set of heavy footsteps echo through the tiny space.

"Welcome sir, can I get you anyth-" the waitress asks, Bucky puts his hand up to stop her talking any further when he spots your form in the corner, with chocolate crumbs on your chin, stirring your hot drink.

You were still close to the compound, making his job of finding you that much easier and thanks to Fridays consistent help, he knew exactly where you were.

He quietens his steps walking over to your table and pulls a chair out. Screeching it across the tiled floor.

"It's take... Bucky?" You begin to say, looking up at the man with his black leather jacket, and his cap on backwards with his blue tinted sunglasses, noticing who it was instantly. "How the hell did you find me? And so quickly? Did you fly here?" You ask at once.

Bucky shakes his head. And sits down opposite you anyway, removing his sunglasses and putting them down next to him, resting his forearms on the table in front of him and interlacing his fingers together.

You take a long sip of your hot coffee, your mouth and throat feeling unusually dry all of a sudden.

"Your phone has GPS tracking and Friday assisted me." He says casually, "I wanted to find ya doll. Didn't wanna leave you in this big city by yourself." He smiles slightly, his intense gaze is making you feel hot.

"You didn't have to. I don't know what I did wrong."

"Y/N..." He reaches for your hand, and holds it firmly in his. "You did absolutely nothing wrong. They are a bunch of pathetic idiots and they will be very sorry for how they've treated you. I guarantee you that. Look, just come back with me tonight and I promise-"

"No." You shake your head firmly. "I just want one night away from that place." You lock eyes and he nods his head understanding.

"Alright. I know a place. Drink up." He smiles, apprehensive about what he has planned.

It took you a lot of convincing to get on the back of his bike, but once you did you never felt so much freedom from the wind blowing in your face and the sun beating down on you. It's the most free you've felt since you joined the avengers.

Bucky didn't tell you where he was taking you, he just asked you to trust him that he would never endanger you and he was probably the only person you trusted with your life. But you could tell he was riding you out of the city and that made you excited.

He rode up a long dirt path, a cabin in the distance and you gasp at the large lake surrounding it. He stopped his bike, kicking his kickstand down and hopping off. He helped you off since your legs were so wobbly and you were awestruck at the gorgeous scenery.

"What is this place?" You ask looking around. Just the sounds of birds chirping, and the ripples of the water.

"It's my cabin. I come here when I need a break." He says shyly. "C'mon, let me show you 'round doll." He takes your hand in his pulling you towards the door, he unlocks it and let's you in.

The inside is just as gorgeous as the outside, decorated completely to Bucky's style. He has an old vintage record player in the corner of the room with a stack of vinyls, a bookshelf on the other side full of old vintage books.

"It's gorgeous Buck."

"Stay for as long as you want." He smiles. His eyes glistening as he looks at you. "lemme give you a tour." He breaks the silence, showing you around his one bedroom cabin.

You're outside sitting on the swing seat that's overlooking the lake, watching the sunset with a cold beer in your hand when the screen slams shut behind you, turning your head to look over your shoulder slightly you smile as the super soldier walks towards the swing, also with a cold beer.

He takes a seat next to you - the hinges groaning under his weight, causing a small chuckle to escape from your lips. Bucky smiles at the adorable sound.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to have me Buck."

Bucky takes a swig of his beer, turning his head towards you as his feet press against the ground swinging you both slightly.

"They'll never say or do anything to you again for as long as I'm around doll." You nod your head appreciating the protection from him.

"You know. In another time, another dimension I'd never want to leave here." You say sadly, watching the orange sky in awe.

"So don't. Stay here with me." Bucky whispers.

"What?"

He chuckles nervously, "I really wanna retire. I'm old doll, I'm tired of war. Wanna settle down, maybe have some kids, y'know?"

"I don't know what to say to that." You giggle nervously, not expecting the conversation to turn out like this.

"I really like ya doll. I was more than ready to rip some heads off earlier." He grins.

You and Bucky stayed quiet on the seat, his words sinking in. Retiring and living out here with Bucky didn't seem like a bad idea, after all you were ready to leave it behind just hours ago. But it's his words about having children that really threw you off and he said he liked you? No no, he really liked you. Did he really see a future like that with you?

For Bucky, he absolutely did. He's never found the right time to express his feelings for you, that's why he always feels the need to protect you, and stand up for you when he knows you won't because you're too nice.

He vowed from this day forward to protect you from the world.

Drabble tags: @valkyriesryde @sebbbystaaan @stuckonjbbarnes @this-kitten-is-smitten @chloerinebarnes @stateoflovinged

[eve-mega-theory]

My theory on Eve’s MVs, from Sister to Raison D’etre

People have asked, and since no one else has yet (and since I’ve always wanted to do it), I’ve went and put together a theory that connects all of Eve’s MVs into a single large narrative about the cycle of depression. Since I go over every song in-depth, and each song is filled with detail and complexity, it’s long. I actually had to skip over a lot of little details making this, because if I did the length would just get out of hand. Also keep in mind that I’m not assuming my theory to be the “one true meaning.” I just took a lot of personal meaning from this series, and its portrayal of depression and how to overcome it has helped me immensely. I want to do these videos, which are clearly labors of love, some justice.

*I’m going to put time stamps for the other songs to make things easier to follow. It's not required, but I recommend that you rewatch the previous songs as you read.

**Each of the early videos have a dominant color to them, which is often used in later MVs to subtly reference them, which I’ve listed next to the title.

Sister (Red):

The first Eve MV released was Demon Dance Tokyo, but I believe the 1st, and arguably most important video in the timeline is Sister. The MC suffers from severe depression throughout the series, and this is where it originated from. His sister died in an accident while he was young, and he was overcome with guilt that he was so distant from her while she was alive. He felt like this happened because he was rotten to the core, with him declaring that even if he went back in time, he still would've made the same mistakes, because that's just the kind of person he is. He ends up repressing those memories to deal with the guilt, and he becomes distant from people. The video's expressed entirely through notebook paper and paper mache because as a child, the MC was fond of drawing and sketching, and used this to cope with these difficult times and express himself.

Chocolate Town (Brown):

This song’s pretty easy to miss, as it’s under the account of the artist “Sou,” who did many collaborations with Eve in the past. It’s sung by Sou, but written by Eve, and it shares too many similarities with his city-scape series to be ignored. It fits perfectly in between “Sister” and “Demon Dance Tokyo.” There’s a large time skip between the two songs, in which the MC goes from grief-stricken child to selfish teenager, and this song fills in that gap, making for a more seamless transition. His appearance here is more similar to that of “Sister” (0:15), as he tries to live the way he used to. The world is no longer a rose-tinted explosion of color, but a uniform chocolate brown, more sickening and suffocating than sweet (0:51). He doesn’t experience new things anymore, he just stays in his comfort zone and drowns himself in the things he knows, as he’s locked in place by a vague apprehension that eats away at him (0:21). He’s suppressed the memory of his sister, but the guilt remains. That guilt leaves him unable to connect with people the way he used to, out of fear of hurting or being hurt. The ‘book of spells’ from Nonsense Literature is referenced, as the MC keeps the deeper parts of his heart locked away (1:30). As he grows distant, his friends do the same (“Mason does seem quite superstitious,” which you could take to mean the MC’s real name is Mason) [0:32].  He tries to just ignore it and go with the flow (0:36), but it’s not enough. The tries to drown himself in desire to ignore the pain he’s feeling (1:10). Deep down he knows it’s wrong, but the guilt he feels keeps him trapped (1:15). 

In the second half of the song, it’s revealed that after Ano Ko Secret, the MC successfully worked up the courage to talk to the blue haired girl, and a friendship formed (2:00). As shown in later MVs, the two would play on the playground together, and we see here that even during this difficult time, the MC felt complete when he was with her. Even so, here she’s obscured in chocolate, showing that the MC is unable to see outside his own problems. Because of his selfishness, he’s unable to connect and they grow apart (2:08). Losing her hurts him, as he lost the only real friend he had left, so all that’s left to him is his suffocating city of chocolate (2:30). He tries to just keep enjoying his little comforts and joys (2:45), but it’s not enough as his “heart is destitute” (3:08). His pain and guilt continues to eat away at him from the inside. Being alone isn’t enough for him, and he won’t let himself truly connect with other people. Combine that with his focus on simple pleasures, and it’s no surprise that he turns to being on top of the ‘social heirarchy’ as a teenager in “Demon Dance Tokyo.” 

Demon Dance Tokyo (Green):

This song depicts 3 people touring around Tokyo, dressed in the finest clothes and dining on the finest food. In actuality, this city is in the MC's head, and is a metaphorical manifestation of his psyche. That's the style and layout of this series, they all take place in the MC's head, and almost all are in a city that changes from song to song to reflect his mental state. In this case, he sees this touristy, trendy world because he's like a desperate tourist, trying to run away from his problems by flying off somewhere else and drowning in the superficial; food, parties, clothes, women, etc. Since he repressed his guilt over his sister's death, this is how he chases happiness; by running away from that guilt and chasing materialistic fulfillment. Relationships to him are the same way. He just chases after people who look trendy and beautiful to him, and puts on a fake mask to appear cool. That greed is personified by his crocodile form dining on the women and the massive Godzilla towering over the city. He wants to be above everyone. At 2:40 of that song, his undercurrent of loneliness takes over, as it often does, because those kinds of relationships never last. At 2:57, that loneliness overcomes him, making him desperate. He's still selfish and bad at relationships, but he swears to one girl that he'll be her everything on matter what. This leads into the next song....

Nonsense Literature (Black):

This is where things really get bad for the MC. Out of desperate loneliness, he tries to get into a serious relationship with this girl (maybe one of the girls from the last song), but he doesn’t really know how to connect with people anymore, putting thick mental walls between them. Despite regularly meeting with the girl, he doesn't really know her at all,which is why she has a cone on her head throughout the video. As a result, their relationship is no more than "becoming idiots, dancing on air," so it doesn't take long for them to start fighting and disagreeing, at 1:16. Since he refuses to open up to her, he starts to feel trapped and bitter around her, becoming paranoid at 1:29, and eventually believing she's taking advantage of him and lying to him, that she doesn't understand him at all, that he doesn't even understand himself, that he might be going a bit crazy, but they keep hanging out, during 1:42. At 2:00, he can't take it anymore. "I lost my composure when you laughed at me in scorn;" either he was genuinely betrayed by her or he just misunderstood. Either way, that betrayal severely damages him, and depression takes over hard. While you see many tiny dancing demons throughout these MVs, the main face of his depression is the mysterious cloaked One-Eyed Man. He essentially acts as the devil on his shoulder, feeding him all the worst ideas, telling him to protect only himself, morality be damned, and believing that he's doing it for his sake, that he's protecting him. In this case, he uses this moment of weakness after his betrayal to take control of the MC. He rips his guts out, opens up his head, and stuffs it with books. It’s the same as whispering into his ear "you don't need people, they'll only hurt you. You don’t need this world, it will only hurt you. I’m all you need. Use this sharpened blade of words to ensure no one will ever do this to you again." The MC, smiling, gratefully accepts. He cuts ties with that girl, as well as the rest of the world. He's become a monster: safe, but empty.

Dramaturgy (Light Blue):

This one is basically "depression the song." This time the world is like a stage play, with the MC being an actor. After shutting himself out from the world, he's lonelier than ever before, his self esteem skyrocketed down, and his life has come to a screeching halt. He no longer even feels human. Every day is a struggle just to keep on living. By making the whole world into the enemy, he's incapable of revealing any of himself to them, disassociating to the point that he might as well be just an actor wearing a mask. He's trapped even within the safety of his own mind. If you act only how everyone wants you to act all the time, eventually you feel like there are actual physical walls all around you. It's exhausting to keep up, and you start to forget who you are. He’s also developed an inferiority complex, and a fear of other people. He just doesn’t want to be betrayed again. At 2:13, he wants to reach a climax where he breaks out of these walls around him, but he can't do it, because he NEEDS them, they’re there to protect him. The One-Eyed Man makes sure he never forgets this. At 3:28, we get a kaleidoscope zoom-in to the MC's psyche, which stops at a floating white cube. These cubes contain him at his deepest level, his fundamental perception of himself. His hopelessness, and the One-Eyed Man's words have reached to his very core and torn him apart at the deepest level. At 3:48, he's lost himself. He likely becomes a shut-in at this point as well, only doing the most basic necessities and heading straight to his room when he gets the chance.

As You Like It (Yellow):

You might’ve noticed that although yellow’s the most prevalent, this MV has plenty more color to offer. It's probably the most colorful so far even. Not only that, the pacing's way faster, the music more upbeat. Why would this come immediately after the most depressing and hopeless song yet? That's because this song is in the MC's imagination, like a daydream. While he's lost almost all hope, trapped in his own head and unable to move forward, he's still able to cling to hope by escaping reality into this fantasy. In this escapist world, he's cooler, a popular musical artist, singing his heart out to a big crowd. And he's able to conquer his fears, deal with his stresses, and connect with a girl the way he wishes he could. After all, while he doesn’t let himself connect with others out of fear, whether he realizes it or not,he just wants to be loved and understood. So he makes up this ideal fantasy girl with perfect fashion taste (0:03), who can do that for him. In the song, he represses his true self in the form of the Glove-Mask Man so that he can deal with life’s stresses (which hit him one after the other at 0:35, and are symbolized by the rocket taking off at 0:22), and he disassociates, literally splitting into two people. He starts to struggle against him (1:33) so that his honest self can reach her, and he finally pulls it off at the end, her responding with a wholehearted smile (3:26). A perfect conclusion. Thing is, his ideal girl is a reflection of reality as well. The playground at 0:28, where he wishes he could go back to his childhood memories, partly shows that he’s letting his past drag him down, but he also describes talking with this girl in memories of old, because he had a real-life friend when he was young that he would talk with at a similar playground. She is his goal in these dreams, because he never forgot those times they had together, and he has subconsciously idealized her as a result. On a sadder note, this fantasy also confirms that he’s become a shut-in in reality, as we see him lock himself away in his room (1:02). That’s what he wishes he could escape from. Regardless of the truth behind the scenes, this dream of his gives him hope that he’ll get through this difficult time.

Outsider:

Now we leave the escapism and return to the MC’s mind he’s trapped in. All the past colors come into play here, as we see that the only color in his world comes from these past scars and experiences. He can’t see anything else, he’s painted by them. The test tubes everywhere (0:59) show that he's genuinely trying to deal with his pain by organizing and compartmentalizing it, and by grasping onto hope with his fantasy, he's able to get by. But he's not at all perfect at it, with his little demon-monsters knocking over test-tubes and purposely painting each other. The pipes everywhere all lead to his brain, with each of them pumping these experiences and memories into him. It’s like they’re in his blood stream, a part of him. These pipes also nourish past monsters, like the Godzilla monster depicting his narcissism. He’s come to hate these less desirable parts of himself, so at 1:30 he tries to just break the tubes to sever that part of him, but that just breaks the overall flow, flooding his brain with black, bringing him back to square one. You can’t just get angry at yourself and remove all your flaws. It takes immense time and dedication. This accidental overflow causes some of the monsters to transform into even worse forms. At 3:02 he's sitting next to an especially nasty-looking demon, shaded black and red. This demon is a reminder that his refusal to confront his guilt toward his sister is at the heart of all of this. He keeps struggling with himself, hating himself, and he won’t tackle the fundamental problems. But at least he’s fighting. The last lyric "because this tiny bit of courage will ignite the fire in my heart," shows that just by being aware of the struggle, he's trying to change and improve, he's not giving up.

Tokyo Ghetto:

This song takes place after a lot of time has passed. His cityscape is more dilapidated and volatile. Now, instead of the One-Eyed Man, the prime demon in control is the blue robot with the teeth mask. The robot symbolizes anxiety, a primal, damn near uncontrollable feeling which desires to keep him here by any means. He’s always watching, and he’s not afraid to get physical against the MC when push comes to shove. The shady-looking people in the town are extensions of that anxiety, individual worries and fears. This is why the town is more colorful, yet somehow more harsh and uninviting. All this time has allowed the anxiety to get in his head, to drive his imagination wild and fill his heart with more and more worries. He wants to believe these worries are on his side, but they just want the easiest path(1:41), they don’t give a damn about his wishes. The MC makes meager attempts to escape from the hell of his own mind, always being swiftly pulled back into a never-ending cycle (0:40). After a long while of this, he meets a girl who he sees much of himself in, and he reaches out to someone for the first time in a long while, in the hopes of maybe being saved by her (1:02). Problem is, she acts the same way he used to back in Tokyo Dance, and he winds up getting a taste of his own medicine. Every time he tries to get close to her, she just pushes him away. Like him, she’s actually hiding pain from the past too; she just refuses to show it (2:01, “it was sentimental, though it wasn’t like you at all) . At 2:40, we get a full glimpse into her mind. Many pairs of her shoes are bound together all around her, symbolizing that day after day she ties herself down, and the holy statue behind her symbolizes her holier-than-thou attitude. At 2:55, she happily bites into one of those shoes, drawing her own blood. She hasn’t yet learned that her self-destructive lifestyle isn’t the right way to go. At 2:59, we see their two psyches summed up perfectly. The girl, shrouded in darkness, putting up a cool front and slowly losing herself, standing confidently all the while. The MC, aware that he’s in a bad place, but desperately groveling, searching for any kind of escape at all. Without being able to find solace in the girl, shadows grow, the town floods, monsters come out of the sewers, the Blue Robot gathers his power (2:55). The MC’s anxiety is bubbling up as his desperation to find an escape increases. He’s pinned down by the water (symbolizing stress and struggle to change), and with the girl out of his reach, merely electing to watch him crumble, the Blue Robot is free to strike with all his might, revealing his true, monstrous form (3:48). The MC, in his weakened state, is torn to bits, reduced to trash (4:01). He’s back to square one, and the cycle begins again. He remains trapped in the Tokyo Ghetto.

Ambivalent:

After being trapped in that cycle for so long, the MC decides that he needs to do some serious soul searching. He looks deep into his subconscious, deeper than any song that’s come before. He peers all the way into his basic, fundamental outlook on life, to try to get to the heart of the problem. Keep in mind that he’s not trying to commit to any real action; he’s just introspecting, trying to take a look at his core values. This world is split in two sectors: the safe pink room, where his heart and memories lie, and the planet, which symbolizes change and reality, or rather his perception of it. He’s been resting in the pink room, stagnant, for so long that everything is overgrown, and his heart is weak, without motivation. Even resting is exhausting for him, something he’s only able to do thanks to his yellow wheelchair representing his hopes (As You Like It). The MC wants to understand why he can’t venture out onto that planet. Every time he tries, it’s a labyrinth of endless signs all telling him to stop and turn back. The plants themselves attack and hurt him. It’s a volatile world full of unknowns and hostiles. The source of this hostility is the disagreement between him and the cat, who's with him at all times here (1:26). Believe it or not, this cat is the One-Eyed Man’s true form. He doesn’t appear mysterious or “all-seeing” because the MC is self-aware of the One-Eyed Man’s influence, and he’s just thinking in the safety of his room; the One-Eyed Man has no power without perceived danger. He’s a cat because he represents the primal part of us from long before humanity developed complicated cognitive ability and intelligence. He only cares about the MC's safety and desires, and doesn’t give a damn about anything or anyone else. He was always watching, acting as the hidden voice behind every decision. When the MC wanted to run away from the pain of his sister's death (Sister), he helped him. When the MC desired safety from the world above all else (Nonsense Literature), he granted it to him. When he struggled with depression (Dramaturgy), deep down that desire never actually left. When that desire became the core of his being, the cat even created the Blue Robot as a sort of "hired muscle" to keep the MC in check for his own good. Despite the awfulness of the One-Eyed Man's actions, he’s just granting the MC's wishes. He genuinely cares about the MC and wants what’s best for him; that’s why he’s so cute and small. But the MC has been blaming him for all of his problems, without understanding his own responsibility in the matter, leaving them at an impasse (1:26). They both come to understand their disagreement with the words: “when I was a kid, I picture myself as a main protagonist in this world. I started to get embarrassed so I turned my eyes away.” (1:36). He's finally come to accept and understand his share of the blame, rather than just blaming the cat. His hair being green here could also show that he never truly grew past his selfishness after all this time. He begins to recall all the things he’s taken for granted and ignored in his life, and he realizes he wants to protect them (1:48). He doesn’t want to just be selfish, he wants to live for their sakes and be useful to them. Now that they’re talking on even terms, the cat can understand his desire for selflessness and gives him a match. They've agreed to stop letting memories of fear and pain that have long since passed guide their every move, so they burn them away (2:00). Those times won’t disappear, but it doesn’t mean they can’t move beyond them. The cat now realizes he was being overprotective, and that the MC can make his own decisions, so he decides to try and get out of his way (2:15). The MC's world is no longer centered around his own desire; he can see the 'bigger picture' (2:24). But while the cat is taking a more reserved role in his life, he didn't completely disappear (2:55). After all, desire is what gives our lives meaning. The difference is that the two are now a pair bringing out the best in one another, a balanced mix of selflessness and desire. Now that they’re in agreement, a world of possibilities is open to them, and the MC is ready to reach out and grab them, and begin his life again (3:01).

Last Dance:

The MC has now returned to the outer layers of his mind, and he wants to turn his newfound paradigm shift into action. Due to this shift, the city’s layout has gotten more realistic, lively, elegant, and inviting, far closer to the real world. He and his demons are hiding from it all at the center of his mind, a small, comfy room resting above a black center (2:32). This is to show that the MC is aware that the real world wasn't the problem; his own outlook was. His nails are being painted red by a demon to show how long he’s been letting these memories paint him without fighting back (0:22). He doesn’t blame them though, he understands himself and how this all came to be, so he gives one of his demons a hug (0:25). The room is more organized and homey to reflect his understanding. But he sees how small his world has been, and he wants to try and get out. He’s decided what he wants to do, but still easily comes apart when trying to move (0:37). He's put back together, revived by the support of the One-Eyed Man, who's lost his overbearing, omnipresent appearance, and learned to keep his dark side more under control (0:41). It's possible he's even taken on 3 different forms simultaneously, to reflect how both he and the MC now understand his multifaceted nature (0:47, 1:00, and 1:03). So the MC is spiritually strong, but he still unravels in the face of anxiety. At 0:33, he says “with different values, that guy who I hate put on a ridiculous sneer," referring to the Blue Robot, his main enemy. Even though the One-Eyed Man created the Blue Robot, it was never in his control. Anxiety doesn't think for itself; it's a raw, unfiltered emotion that carries out its objective long after its needed. The MC can't beat it alone, even with the One-Eyed Man's help. He realizes he absolutely needs the support of others if he’s going to move forward, and he needs a goal to get him moving in the short-term. He recalls the thing that’s given him hope for all this time, the person who was at the center of all his hopes for tomorrow, and the person he wants to protect most (1:52). It was a girl who spent time with him back when his sister first died. He was in a dark place and full of guilt, and that girl’s kindness gave him hope. But he drifted apart from her due to feeling guilty that he didn’t deserve to be around someone like her, that he would only get in her way. But he always idealized her, and those memories kept him going long after they stopped meeting. The elegant woman dancing is his perception of that memory (1:52). She’s also the girl from As You Like It, but that version of her was only a fantasy he himself didn’t even realize was based on her. She’s here because he only now consciously realized this, and he wants to reach out to her again and start over, without being selfish or afraid. Now fully motivated, he vows to be like “the melancholic patients who chose tomorrow,” and venture out into the world in spite of fear (2:12). He’s taking a leap of faith, venturing on a thin balance beam along with all his demons (3:02-3:32). Obviously they won’t really leave, since they’re a part of his psyche now. He has to understand and accept them, thereby rendering them harmless, or at least manageable. He reaches the girl (3:36), but before this point, he realized something about her. Notice that her hair is painted a light blue, the color of Dramaturgy? This means that throughout the song, upon examining his memories of her more closely, he realizes that she wasn’t as perfect as he was choosing to remember her. In reality, she was suffering too, and the reason they drifted apart so easily was because they both felt undeserving of each other. Deep down a part of him always knew, but when he gets a taste of the blue paint, (2:14) it's the first time he consciously considers the idea. When she tears off her hair and he gently caresses it, he accepts that her pain was real (3:15). He's finally taken the physical journey out of his mind, and he gives her a gentle, honest smile; a far cry from his actions in Demon Dance Tokyo (3:35). At 3:58, the One-Eyed Man gives the MC a book from Nonsense Literature, this time as an honest offering. The One-Eyed Man will help him through this new chapter as a partner, rather than a controlling force.

We’re Still Underground (Orange):

Now it’s time for the grand finale, We’re Still Underground, in which everything finally comes together in the most stunning video so far. This video marks the first time the MC has ever accepted the real physical world in the entire series. After Last Dance, he’s finally venturing outside of his room and moving forward again. As a result, this video is the real world mixed together with his mind. It’s almost like a fantasy world, filled with weird and unknown things. After all, in Last Dance he said “I will not understand everything right now,” but he’s still going to move forward. The camera shows reality, then pans down to the MC’s perception of things. His mind is now jaw-droppingly beautiful and full of color and life. The crows from Tokyo Ghetto are now beautiful pink birds, and big flying ‘monsters’ personify his newfound hope and optimism (0:14). The world is filled with vegetation and vines, similar to the blue planet from Ambivalent. Again, this is all new and uncertain to him, so it’s covered with the same vegetation. At 0:20, we see that much of the city is flooded, calling back to the water from Tokyo Ghetto. He’s moving forward, but much of the world is closed off to him due to that stress and worry. At 0:28, cloth being hung like laundry symbolizes how the MC is more collected and calm than before. We zoom into the house he’s spent so much time in, and it’s dark, overcrowded, and filled with masks symbolizing his mental journey (0:35). As an added bonus, his hair is orange, which is the color we’d often see in Outsider when all the colors were mixed together. He finally ventures out to fulfill a basic task, buying from a gas station, but even that proves to be a little too much. The people around him are shifty looking like in Tokyo Ghetto, and eventually a big octopus busts in and forces him to leave and settle for a vending machine (0:40). Both in the gas station and vending machine, you see the eye from the One-Eyed Man marking various items and signs, symbolizing that he’s using desire for the end goal and new things drive him forward (0:41, 0:43, and 0:46). The lyrics here are him wondering if he’s good enough for the girl he’s going to try and meet again, and deciding that if she’s hurting so much, then he needs to help her through it. Meanwhile, we finally learn who this girl he looks up to actually is. She looks very different from any version the MC had in his mind, dressing quite plain and modest, and having both blue hair and blue eyes, perhaps to symbolize her Dramaturgy-type depression. We learn that that song sums her up pretty well, but her depression still takes a somewhat different form from the MC. She’s not afraid to go out, but the life she’s living is completely dictated by other people. She’s afraid to do anything for herself. This is why she receives texts from the One-Eyed Man, and her world looks so realistic, dark, and rainy. She believes this is the only possible road for her, that THIS is reality. She’s like the opposite of the MC; she’s TOO selfless, and her One-Eyed Man, her desires, have taken on the form of everyone around her, as it believes that’s the safest route for her. She herself is empty. At 0:53, the playground is fenced off; no playtime allowed, your childhood doesn’t matter, your memories don’t matter, those times you played with the MC as kids (As You Like It) don’t matter. At 0:54, she sits in her house, dejected, the zombie poster behind her a good description for her mental state, and there’s a constant hue of water all around her. She always feels like she’s drowning, anxious that something about this isn’t right, that she’s about to lose herself. Meanwhile, MC is biking over to meet her (0:59), but they both end up falling into water (1:06), drowning in anxiety right at the moment before they both meet. Once they meet, they each see an answer in each other, a person to rely on in this difficult stage of their life. The two of them are then seen running toward a sort of junkyard of gold (1:26). Now that they see hope in one another, they are able to catch a glimpse of all the good things in life that they had taken for granted, ignored, treated as trash. Upon seeing it, they decide they want to move forward, and bite into an apple, symbolizing rebirth like Adam and Eve. They’re accepting this new chapter, and all the sin and desire and change that comes with it. For a moment, at 1:40, the girl sees the world the way MC does, with the beautiful monsters and rising bubbles everywhere. She’s inspired by his hope, and realizes she’s “still underground;” something needs to change.

At 1:44, the camera pans underground to show us a web of complex piping and overgrowth. It’s meant to call back to Outsider, and I think to show that while he’s moving on and changing, he still has an undercurrent of guilt with him. At 1:49, we see the girl surrounded by posters of people. They all have one eye; she doesn’t just feel oppressed and subservient to her loved ones, she also feels like she must be obedient to society’s whims as well. The lyrics here are calling back to everything that the MC went through in the past, especially Tokyo Ghetto at 1:55, where he remembers that giving up made him feel at ease, and that he feels helpless because of it. But his hopes and dreams (2:06) kept him believing in tomorrow. We see more shots of the duality between the two of them. At 2:15 we see the girl skateboarding on a bright green skateboard, rather out of place and spontaneous, hinting that she’s playing at embracing her individuality and optimism again. (Also, at 2:20 we see a poster of an apple with the One-Eye on it. This could further imply that rebirth and upheaval are what she truly desires deep down). The line at 2:22 “I’m not saying this as a joke, but everyone mocked me,” could imply that either his selfish, fake self of old would never be listened to by others, or that the demon residents of his mind aren’t going to help him (again calling back to Tokyo Ghetto). At 2:21, both characters’ strong desires for change finally manifest in a Matrix-style “red pill, blue pill” choice. They now have to take a true leap of faith, and accept that their lives are going to change irreversibly from this point on. We don’t see them choose, but the line “It’s goodbye to this town,” speaks for itself. At 2:26, we get a badass shot of the pair as two halves of the same whole, perfectly in agreement on what must be done. They’ll support each other through what happens next. At 2:28 we see a massive protest from the less agreeable parts of his mind, likely people from Tokyo Ghetto and on the far left the glove man from As You Like It. The billboards say “No,” and “Give Up,” and some have the One-Eye on them, perhaps a plea for the One-Eyed Man to return to their side. At 2:31, the MC and girl are seen spraying graffiti in direct rebellion to everyone, perhaps a last burst of courage before making the big choice. At 2:35 we see the MC abandon his bike in a carnival, perhaps a last goodbye to his naive childhood and an acceptance of adulthood. At 2:36 we see the girl with an umbrella in the rain, which is meant to further connect her to As You Like It. At 2:45, the pair has made their choice, and the town begins its massive upheaval. At 2:51, the two are back in the playground they used to play at, swinging way up in a leap of faith, looking toward the skies. At 3:00, “there will be no rerun,” this is the moment. At 3:08, he vows not to avert his eyes anymore, to accept whatever life throws at him without running away. At 3:13, the pair move up toward the future, toward the skies. The line at 3:18 is extremely important, as the MC directly calls back to when the two were young at the playground. He remembers how the guilt they both felt kept them from relying on one another, and while he treasures the friendship they had, he wants to make sure they never grow apart like that again. 3:23 is them coming to fully understand where they went wrong at that playground, and where they went wrong after they drifted apart. The MC’s mind is filled with symbolism; books from Nonsense Literature, birds for his greed and overactive mind, board game pieces for his attempts to distract himself and shun other people, every-day appliances for his focus on basic survival rather than true living, the list goes on. The girl, however, is completely empty, just an empty husk with no will of her own. They vow that while they’ll always be imperfect, they never want to return to this state of being. They cast aside these fake, improper forms they’ve made for themselves. At 3:36, we get to see VCR tape footage, a clear sign that this is in the past, showing sketches the two shared at that playground as kids. This calls directly back to Sister’s paper notebook style. Sketching was how the MC expressed himself as a kid, so it was deeply personal for him, and it looks like for the girl too. The images of a monster boy and a magical girl with horns come across as cries for help and a desire to escape, but neither of them realized the other’s suffering. This was where it all began, at a time where neither of them really understood what was happening to them; they were just kids. The VCR tape then shuts off, we see flashes of the town, and a messy drawing of the MC saying “goodbye.” He’s finally made peace with himself, he accepts the mistakes he made, he’s saying goodbye to that naive child that was behind every decision of his, and moving on. At 3:51, the two are played in reverse, undoing the damage they’ve been causing to themselves. This is a goodbye to their self-destructive tendencies. The line “wait for the 1, 2 signal,” directly calls back to As You Like It, and how once they get the ball rolling, things are going to happen really damn fast, and they need to be ready for it. 4:03 is the epic climax, where the Blue Robot, anxiety, once again appears in a last-ditch effort to stop the two. He’s not in control anymore, and he knows this, so he reveals his true form: a massive, feral, insane, uncontrolled mess of fear that wrecks havoc all across the city, almost like it’s willing to destroy the whole thing if it has to. The two are prepared, and together they run with everything they’ve got. At 4:14, we see masses of planes dropping hellfire on the beast in an attempt to quell it. Perhaps this is the One-Eyed Man, dropping in one last bit of support for the two. Maybe it’s a show that the pair now has more control over their minds, and are finally able to fight back against the entities that used to control them. Whichever it is, it’s enough to save them, and at 4:21 the sun rises, the two safe and sound overlooking the now destroyed city. At 4:23, the cube from Dramaturgy, their core, is perfectly fine, showing that they’ll get through this massive upheaval intact. At 4:25, we see that amidst the destruction, a massive tree has sprouted up, symbolizing rebirth. Perhaps this tree was able to sprout up from the piping underneath, meaning that the two making peace with themselves allowed their pasts to finally stop clogging up their brains. Finally, the video rewinds to before their upheaval, and we see the MC’s room, this time in the real world, no strings attached. We’ve finally been shown the real life setting for the vast majority of the MVs. Not long after, the MC pukes up darkness, which is a little nod to the fact that while the world itself wasn’t technically real, the pain and struggle he was going through certainly was.

This World To You:

This song is like the epilogue of the MC’s journey. He’s overcome his inner cycle which has kept him trapped for all this time, learned to empathize and think things through (2:07), and he’s now able to confront the feelings that were at the core of this struggle all along: his guilt toward his sister. During a beautiful purple sunset, he’s bicycling through the vivid new world open to him, grieving for her and accepting that “her tomorrow’s never coming” (0:48). This acceptance hurts him (0:31), and at first it even feels like he’d rather things just remain the way they are, (0:37) but it’s the only way he can learn from his mistakes and become someone she’d be proud of. He thinks from the newly found perspective he has, and seeing things more objectively, more selflessly, he wonders how similar her life was to his (1:11). He’s seeing his sister not as a vague, hazy image built up in his head made up of his worries, anxieties, and guilt, but as a normal person, with their own worries, feelings, problems, and dreams. By empathizing with his sister, coming to terms with the improper image of her he built up in his head, he’s able to move on, and empathize with other people in a similar way. By doing this, he no longer has reason to be afraid of the world out there, and he can start to reach other people’s hearts, learning from the mistakes he made in the past. Instead of wallowing in remorse over his sister, he can be someone she’d be proud of, and help other people who are hurting in the way he couldn’t with her. This spurs him on, and although the fact that she died so early is a fact he’ll always carry with him (1:52), he’s found a hope for tomorrow he’s needed all his life (2:14). However, he also accepts that death and pain is always a possibility (2:20), and that things won’t always go his way. But instead of fall into despair, he’s able to believe that things will get better, and that he has the power to make them better, reflected in the beautiful vista filled with sea creatures swimming in the sky (2:38). The creature at 2:39 is elegant, beautiful, a sight to behold, vividly painted by all sorts of colors, a callback to Underground. Its face also looks similar to the girl he’s managed to reach, symbolizing that reaching her is one of the cores of his hope. Throughout the video, we see the city to change to reflect the MC’s stream of consciousness. At (0:02), the MC is recovering from the wreckage after the mental battle in Underground, and he’s dealing with the grief of his sister, and as he comes to terms with it, the buildings gradually get cleaner and more structured, eventually colored with lights of his empathy and understanding. At (1:51), he continues to change toward hope and acceptance, and he moves toward an industrial zone, reflecting how the city is moving forward, springing back from this change stronger than ever, rebuilding and even adding new zones and structure. At (2:12), we see the sign “think it through,” as a reminder that the one-eyed man, once a force he saw as evil, is now a friend, working with him to overcome his anxieties and fears. The signs throughout the city spatter negativity like “arrogant” and “pathetic” and “regret,” but are now mixed in with “hope” and “future” and “I would put a flag here.” Then at (2:37), his hope is stronger than ever.  Then finally, the MC’s empathy and selflessness is made manifest in a way it never has been before. At  (3:01), the MC’s city seamlessly transitions into the perspective of the girl, and at (3:20) it beautifully changes into the girl’s more realistic view of the city. By empathizing with and reaching her, part of her perspective has now become his, as he’s able to learn from her and see things more objectively. He’s come to terms with his guilt, and allowed himself to truly connect with someone. By doing this, the world has opened up to him, and he’s finally able to become a part of society. He has made it.

Baumkuchen End:

At this point the MC has managed to enter society and step into the real world without running away (0:09 and 0:16). Rather than monsters of anxiety and fear, everyone he sees are normal people just like him. However, things aren’t going quite how he thought they would. He’s not afraid anymore (0:46), but he feels surprisingly empty. The world is a little less vivid than Underground, and the MC’s hair has been colored white, blank and aimless. He’s realized that things are more complicated than he expected. He went through so much to overcome his mental hangups, and now that he’s succeeded, life is still going forward. He’s struggled with that mental cycle (symbolized by the orange and blue swirl at 0:57) for so long, that he’s having a hard time seeing past it, and he feels unsure what to do with himself now that the cycle which defined him for so long is gone (0:45, “there’s nothing left to do”). In Tokyo Ghetto, the reason he couldn’t escape from himself was that deep down, he didn’t really want to leave. Part of him wants to go back to that time where things made sense, and he could comfortably wallow in hopelessness and self-pity (0:30). It’s like he hoped that once he reached this point, the credits would roll and everyone would live happily ever after (0:34, “there seems to be no ‘critical hit,’” and 0:37, “I was expecting an answer,” and we see the MC’s many paths disappear in front of him, leaving a blank wall of vague white). Not only that, but the MC is having a harder time with empathy than he expected. He wants to see beyond himself, but his own limitations are getting in the way of that. His ego has swelled somewhat after his victory (0:41), against his better judgment. Whether he likes it or not, he’s not an omniscient being that can just teleport into other people’s perspectives and points of view; he’s a human being, with their own emotions and biases and egos, and he can only see other people through the cage of his own skin. At 0:24, he vents over this struggle, lamenting “it’s all about me,” feeling both “disgusted and separated.” He hates these limitations and how he’s growing apart from the girl he reached out to. He’s afraid of getting trapped in a never-changing rut in which he can’t reach anyone, never changes, and slowly loses himself again (symbolized by the optical illusion triangle surrounded by orange inside the MC. It’s a cycle, always moving further inward, never changing.) However, things are far from hopeless. The MC isn’t the kind to give up anymore. He’s grown, and he’s more self-aware of his predicament. Throughout the video he’s introspecting, thinking to himself (0:48) and refusing to look away from the problem (0:43, 0:29, 0:38, 0:46, all throughout the video). To deal with these newfound problems, rather than get complacent and give up, he’s decided to ‘go back to school’ (0:41 and 0:58) and accept that he still has a lot to learn, that he needs to keep improving. And this time he has plenty of help. All the sides of his mind that were once his enemies: the one-eyed man’s multiple sides, the black blob of terror, the anxiety bot, and the bull-faced man (which is a japanese symbol of young people’s perspective of society); now that he’s managed to reign them in and keep them in check, he understands that they’re a part of him and they’re not going away. So instead of shunning and hating them, he’s decided to teach them how to work together (0:58). And since they’ve always wanted to help him, they eagerly accept. Through this teacher-student relationship, he’s realizing that there’s a lot he can learn from them, and they can actually help him in positive ways, like a paradigm shift. They actually have more sides and depth to them than he realized, and by shunning and fighting them, he was suppressing important parts of himself needed to improve. For example, the MC let desire aimlessly control him for so long (1:10, a strong callback to the brown of Chocolate Town), that for the longest time he ran from and shunned it (1:12). However, that desire is actually needed to motivate oneself to learn and change. That’s why the MC’s other sides are now wearing brown (0:47), because they’re all painted by the MC’s personal desire to improve. Understanding this, at 1:15 the anxiety bot makes a “no” motion, to tell him that he shouldn’t run from it. Speaking of the anxiety bot, his appearance has changed; he looks more inviting and friendly, and isn’t defined by the blue of depression anymore. “Anxiety bot” isn’t really the right name anymore, now he should be called “Motivation bot” instead. Because of the MC’s paradigm shift, the bot isn’t focused on instilling fear anymore. It’s instead focused on giving the MC a desire to improve. Because he needs a little fear to put things into perspective and keep from getting caught in a rut. He needs that reminder that time is limited, and that if he doesn’t do something, he may very well end up lost and alone. They both believe in him and know he’s strong enough to manage, so they use that fear as drive to move forward. Anxiety’s been symbolized by water throughout these MVs, and we need water to survive, so the MC keeps it under control and make sure he only takes it in in small doses (symbolized by the water bottle at 0:44).

Now that all of this is in place, the MC can start to really confront and understand the problem. He decides that the main thing he wants motivating him is the fear that the girl is suffering, with him unable to reach her or help, basically a repeat of what happened all those years ago (1:16). He’s not going to let that happen, and we see him twirling a yellow key (1:23). This is a callback to the fantasy he dreamed up in As You Like It, and how he realizes the fight isn’t over, he still needs to make that dream real. He defiantly declares “I don’t care if it’s a lie” (1:24). He’s going to make it real. At 1:25 his other sides all proudly take the stage. This calls back to Dramaturgy, but now he’s not afraid of the stage, he embraces it confidently. Now, after deciding his next move (1:30), he takes action. His first step is to hear the girl’s perspective for himself, to ensure he doesn’t create a convenient image of her in his head like he did with his sister. At 1:33 he talks to her with the support of his other sides. He opens up to her, sharing his worries and fears (“when he gets annoyed with his daily routine, he wants to break it down”). He talks in the third person because he’s starting to look at himself without being as clouded by emotion. In response, she confides in him. She tells him that she’s still having a hard time, she’s not sure if she can manage through the day-to-day, desperately gripping the rails (1:42). At 1:45 we see a shot of stairs, symbolizing that she’s suffering an uphill battle, unable to see her destination. Not too different from the MC’s situation. The girl is in a hospital gown connected to an IV, calling back to the hospital theme of Last Dance. Whereas before she was an elegant light as he struggled sick in bed, now she’s the one who needs his help. He processes what she said (1:48), and realizes that of course just reaching out to her isn’t enough. She needs to be helped through her predicament. If anyone here’s played Persona, think social links. Just wanting to help isn’t enough. He needs to regularly make time for her, teach himself how to properly talk to her, and gain life experiences. Basically, before he can tell her how to improve her life, he needs to work to improve his OWN life, turn himself into someone she can look up to, instead of just wallowing in his uselessness. This snaps him back to reality, gets him out of his doldrum (1:52 “I was attacked by this helpless dizzy night”), and we even see him reading a self-help book. A little bonus detail, in the background of the train as the MC is fighting to improve himself, we see the girl from Tokyo Ghetto, wallowing in self-pity. Turns out letting herself be consumed by her bad habits didn’t work out so well, and now she’s all alone. It could also be the MC’s old self from Tokyo Ghetto, as a visual reminder of how far he’s come. Back on track, we see the MC visiting a bakery, and ordering a strange ring cake, a Baumkuchen (1:55). This cake appears throughout the MV, and is a visual metaphor for the MC’s current actions, and how his perspective has changed. The cake is visually similar to a tree trunk, and a tree is a symbol of strength. It lives for up to entire centuries, and almost nothing can bring it down. This is possible because of its incredibly sturdy trunk and roots dug deep into the ground. A tree has rings in its trunk as a marking of its age, and the more rings it has, the longer it’s lived. This means that the stronger and wiser a tree is, the more rings it will have. Quoting a Japanese chef who specializes in Baumkuchen, “The appeal of the cake is in its many layers. The layers represent the accumulation of happiness, making it a strong icon of luck.” Sound similar? So by purchasing this cake, he’s moved beyond the As You Like It fantasy in which he does one big thing and the credits roll. Now he understands that the story’s never really over. To keep himself from falling back into his old ways, he has to create a sturdy trunk out of many small rings. This means taking on positive habits and responsibilities that he continues constantly throughout his life; working a job, going to school, scheduling his time, learning to cook, reading books to learn. He seeks to keep getting more rings, making more roots, and never getting too set in his routine. He now understands that the battle is never truly over, and he can always improve more. That’s why he’s willing to jump off the building for the cake at 2:05, because he comes to accept its importance. Once he does that, everything clicks, and he sees the light again. At 2:08, the girl’s IV is juxtaposed against the beauty of the sky. At 2:15, the Motivation Bot acts as a sort of gatekeeper. He hears the MC’s newfound purpose, and allows him to move beyond his little apartment from 0:25. At 2:18, he becomes more self-aware. He sees the enormity of the world, and how much he has to learn, and he realizes that if he keeps assuming he’s done all he can then he won’t be able to keep up. At the same time, it’s beautiful, and full of opportunity. At 2:28, the other selves watch him with pride, and once things have sunk in, they’re there to calm him down and snap him back into reality. Now the MC’s learning from them. They listen intently, (2:33) and once he’s ready to fight to get his life together and reach the girl, the Motivation Bot gives him a big hearty throw to get him started (2:42). At 2:47 we see the chairs the MC had been resting on, painted orange and blue to symbolize his previous cycle of guilt and self-destruction. They’re now empty, as proof that the MC is finally setting himself up to move beyond that cycle. At 2:45 the girl’s anxiety and hopelessness coalesces into a teddy bear, a callback to Ano Ko Secret. This is a final challenge to the MC’s selfishness and childishness, something he must overcome to finally reach others. Since her pain is a reflection of his, he’s essentially fighting himself too, and the bear attacks him with a laser at 2:53, tearing down part of the red tower from Demon Dance Tokyo. If you remember, in that song the tower was a symbol of the MC’s memory of his sister. Now, it’s being damaged because if the MC can’t grow beyond his past mistakes, he won’t learn from the mistakes he made with his sister, and he won’t be doing her life justice. 2:54 calls back to the MC’s fall at the beginning of As You Like It, a symbol of his frustration and hopelessness toward his situation, but now when he hits the ground (2:59), he takes it in stride, grits his teeth, and keeps running. At 3:04, he uses everything to fight to reach the girl; the memory of his sister, the help of his other selves, his positive habits and drive to improve. At 3:14, for the first time, the girl’s eye is colored with orange, meaning the MC’s efforts have truly touched her. At 3:16, the MC successfully reaches the girl, with the help of all his other sides supporting him. He’s made it,  and at 3:20 the glove man from As You Like It gives him a round of applause. He’s sitting in the orange-blue chair, he’s nothing more than a dream. The MC has accepted that the battle doesn’t just end, made his dream real, and the glove man is proud of him for that. At the beginning of the video, at 0:19, the explosion from As You Like It rocked the MC and girl’s world, but this time he was ready for it, looked straight ahead, and overcame that trial he feared so much. The MC’s journey will continue, and he’ll be ready for whatever comes.

Raison D'etre: 

 The MC reached the girl, and that's deeply affected her. The MC realized he could only help her after helping himself. By being a living example of what she wishes to be, she not only knows she isn't alone, she's also starting to understand what she needs to do. This video is the first time we see solely in the girl's mind rather than the MC. Her outlook's changed from the pure blue of sadness to a mix of the black of discontent and the yellow of hope. As she leaves her now messy room, going about her daily routine, she starts to get lost in introspective thought, likely something she hasn't done in a long time. Her falling into the underground of her mind, it looks similar to Ambivalent. That's because we're looking deep in her subconscious mind, seeing her fundamental outlook. It's like the mind of a child; pieces of an amusement park, a mess of toys and blocks. Our previous looks at her were almost barren of imagination; grey, lifeless, mundane. But here it's full of color and life. This shows all her deeper emotions and hopes were buried deep down inside her, and she kept from becoming totally empty by making sadness her purpose, her identity. Atop it all, we see the queen of this place, an alternate version of her with her old all-blue color scheme. An imposing crescent moon presides over the entire city, and the blue girl wears a similar crescent as a mask. A crescent moon is merely the first stage of the moon's cycle. It's perpetually a crescent moon here because the girl never moves forward, she's always waiting for something to change things for her, and this mentality blinds her. We even see that her leg is chained by blue as further proof. We can see by all the toys and such that she's being childish, she's emotionally immature. She's elected not to think and to just assume things will get better, letting her hopes come to her. If you look closely, her robot-arm things look like distorted, stylized power outlets. We see in her irl room that she's constantly plugged in, a little too exposed to technology. Nowadays our perception of the world is all too skewed by our biases via the internet. We believe what we want to believe, and there will always be a group of people online to confirm it. This girl is no different, the internet is keeping her that much more locked down. We see irl that as she walks around, the uniform grey people around her flicker like a computer glitch. She's not seeing people as they really are, the internet is skewing her perception. When we see her in the subconscious world, she's cloaked in black and red. The red is used to symbolize the girl looking to her past. For the male MC, red was almost always negative until Baumkuchen End, as guilt toward his sister was holding him back. But with the girl, the past is actually a source of hope, as she remembers the good times she had with the MC as a small child. She sees who he was, and who he's become through nothing more than his own strength. She also spins her past regret into something positive, as her failure to see outside herself and reach out to him more back then has turned into a vow to do better now. So her past frustrations and memories are coming at odds with her present blue self who expects others to come and fix things for her. At the 1:30 mark, she wakes up after this realization, horrified, having a bit of a quarter-life crisis. She finally sees things for what they really are, and she knows this can't continue. We then see the irl city surrounded by red, in the windows, street lights, cones. She had the opposite problem of the MC. While he looked to the past too much, she didn't do it enough. She needs to remember the past to remember who she is, to be able to make her own decisions. At 1:40 we see a sort of medical blockade, to show that she's put a much needed temporary stop to things so she can think about where her life's going. As she walks along, moving up stairs rather than down, she sees her black and red reflection. It scares her, because it can't be ignored at all anymore, it's pervading her real life as well. Essentially, there's no going back to her old way of life now that she's seen the truth. In her subconscious, the mental bedrock supporting the irl city fails, and her world turns upside down. Turns out her "realistic" view of the city wasn't any less a delusion than the MC's. She fights with her present self, doing markedly better, and forces her out of the subconscious and into the real world. She can't hide anymore. Now that her present self has been brought into reality, she really starts to see the truth of things. At 2:38, she sees her current path for the barren, ruined wasteland it is, and screams out in discontent. At 2:41, she realizes she'd been drowning in stress and fear the entire time, choosing not to notice. At 2:45, she's in the fetal position surrounded by a cocoon of introspection, a symbol of rebirth. At 2:48, she sees her present self in a beautiful field of reeds, as she comes to understand her. Finally, at 2:57, Her present self is flanked on both sides by red cones. She clearly sees who her enemy is, there's no doubt in her mind anymore. The two fight, her present self almost like that of an omnipresent goddess, what with her blue rays and power of flight. Yet the red girl is still able to reach her, breaking her mask of wait in the process. When she sees her face, she's almost dumbstruck, realizing her present self isn't just her enemy, she's a part of her. The two meet in the middle, coming to an understanding, similar to what the MC did in Ambivalent. The red of the past lifts away, reverting back to the yellow of the future, as the two are ready to move forward. The girl then wakes up with a smile. Like the MC, she's not going to wait on a miracle to come and rescue her anymore. From here on out, she's going to make her own choices, and decide for herself who she wants to be.

*If you’ve read this far, then thank you so much. I’ve really enjoyed making this, and these MVs have felt like looking into a mirror. Whenever I wouldn’t understand what a video means, I would just think in terms of my own struggles and experiences and everything would quickly come together. I doubt any of this was even what Eve and his animators intended, but that’s the beauty of art. Regardless of what an artist intends when making something, its messages can sometimes resonate with its viewers in ways even they didn’t expect. These MVs have impacted me so deeply that I had to get this out there, and if it reaches even one person and helps them a little, then posting this will be worth it.

Bonus Song:

Ano Ko Secret (EVERY color):

I was having a lot of trouble deciding where this song could fit, as it’s just so damn colorful and happy. In a tale about depression and guilt, why would the MC have such a fun romantic comedy amidst it all? He already has a daydream in the form of As You Like It, he doesn’t need another one. And then it seemed obvious. This song is at the beginning, before everything got out of control after the MC’s sister died. The MC and blue-haired girl have their true hair colors, because they’re both real (0:43). They’re both quite young, but because the MC is a standard happy-go-lucky kid (with an overactive mind and a touch of narcissism), he FEELS like a grown-up. When he sees the blue-haired girl, he’s infatuated with her at first sight, so she’s pretty and mysterious, also a grown-up (0:52). The MC is constantly experiencing new things, symbolized by the multi-colored bears popping out of the gacha machines en masse (0:11). He has no idea what the future might hold, but he’s eager to see it all. He even has a good friend in the form of the especially large orange bear (1:22). As orange is what we see when all colors are mixed together, this shows that the MC is able to confide in his friend and be totally honest around him. The fact that he’s a bear instead of a person could also symbolize how the MC literally sees himself as the ‘Main Character’ of his life, and others are background characters. Again, a little on the narcissistic side. But he’s so interested in the girl, that she looks different from everyone else. Because of that interest, he’s afraid to talk to her, so he enlists the help of his friend (1:03). Even together, he can’t gather up the courage, so his friend consoles him (1:19). When he finally does manage to talk to her, (albeit only through texts), all she seems to care about is his friend (1:37). He likely had a crush on her too, so with all her interest centered on the friend, asking her on a date is out of the question. He feels left out, betrayed by his best friend (1:54). But, angered, he refuses to give up, and he pushes past his fear to reach out to her anyway (2:05). Despite his best efforts, his anxiety wins out (symbolized by the black bears shooting down the white bears), and he stops just short of reaching her (2:18). However, he sees the girl reject his friend from the sidelines (2:47), and he rushes over, looking past his feelings of betrayal to console him (3:01). He doesn’t meet the girl, but when he saw her reject his friend, for a moment he saw a bit of himself in her, symbolized by them both exploring the same bear shop at 2:41. It’s a feeling he doesn’t fully understand, but he’s not afraid of her anymore, and he later works up the courage to talk to her off-screen, as proven by later songs. Neither of them truly realizes how similar they are to one another, and how their fates will be later intertwined, but their friendship will be a source of hope for them in the coming years.

[izzy-b-hands]

London By Night, Chapter One

The sequel to You Send Me! Freddie and our FtM trans reader finally home in London, with a bit of time to spend before the 1979 European tour begins!

And yes, another Sam Cooke song as the title. I’ve got a theme going now lol. 

NSFW right away in this one, just a moment of it. There’ll be more later, I promise lol.

A note that I did touch on a sore point in my own life, re: alcohol for comfort around family. It’s just a brief short paragraph, but I wanted to note it so it doesn’t come as a triggering surprise for anyone (even writing it made me want a drink, tbh, but I’m trying really hard not to lean on drinking rn for comfort of any kind.) 

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“So?” 

Despite the long, turbulent flight, Freddie was smiling at you. 

“I like it.” 

He laughed, and motioned for you to follow him down the airport halls. “Just from here, you’re certain?” 

You nodded. “It’s...busy. Really busy. Busy enough no one seems to give a shit who we are or what we’re doing. I never got that back at home.” 

“No, certainly not,” Freddie tutted, and you knew he was thinking on how the trip back to your home town had been less than ideal. He’d been recognized more than once, and not always treated kindly as a result. It had made an already not fun trip even harder to deal with, and now it made you all the happier to finally be in London. 

“I am sorry about all that mess,” you sighed as you tried to keep up with Freddie, slipping around crowds of people, ignoring the heads that turned at hearing Freddie’s voice. “They could have at least made Christmas and Boxing Day decent...” 

“Don’t even think on Christmas again; we don’t need to remember that,” Freddie said, reaching back to tug you through a particularly rough thicket of people. “As far as I’m concerned, our memories were fortunately wiped of that day. We know they existed, and that we lived through them, and that’s all we need to know.” 

You nodded. “That’s probably for the best.” 

It had been a shit show, frankly. You grandparents had certainly not been sick to death, only struggling through some difficult colds, and couldn’t figure out why your mother had demanded you home. As fantastic as it had been to know they were fine, it meant the holiday had gone as “usual” for your family, which meant tears, tantrums, complaining, at least one person stomping off mid-way through present-opening, and you working to drink yourself into a stupor to get through it. 

If it hadn’t been for Freddie, you might have drank yourself blind, but thanks to his bright idea of getting away from it all under the guise of ‘showing him about town’, there was some escape. 

“I do want to remember the park,” you said as you followed him to a waiting car. “That was a good few hours, and at least the day we spent in New Orleans was lovely.” 

That had been your last day in the States, and where you had flown out from to London. It hadn’t been nearly long enough, but for a moment of refreshment and happiness, it had been good. 

He smiled. “Those parts we should remember. Everything else, forget it. And if my family asks-” 

“We had a perfectly fine holiday and my family are definitely not the weirdest near-psychopaths you’ve ever met,” you chirped as you tried to arrange yourself and your luggage in the backseat of the car. 

He rolled his eyes as he joined you. “I don’t know about psychopaths...manipulative and self-centered, for sure.” 

“Either way, your parents don’t need to know about that,” you said, and started to lean in for a kiss, then stopped. 

The driver watched you both via the rear view mirror, a scowl on his face. 

“Just a random driver hired,” Freddie whispered, shooting you a glance that read ‘be careful.’ “Not one of our usual employ.” 

You nodded, and sat back in your seat, watching the scenery of the city flash by as the driver sped down the streets. 

“Still like it?” 

“I do,” you replied. “I’ve always wanted to live in a bigger city. I can’t wait to go out and see it, any of it. Even just your garden!” 

“No garden yet, unfortunately,” he sighed. “But soon. I’ve got my eyes on a few nicer places, and now that I have the money-” 

He shrugged. “Why put off living somewhere decent, hm? Not that there’s anything wrong with a flat, I mean, only-” 

“Not everyone wants to live in a flat forever,” you interrupted. “I know I wouldn’t. And how long have you all been struggling to find and afford nicer housing? You deserve it, all of you, to be in something better. You’ve worked hard for it.” 

“You’ll still find the current flat impressive?” 

“As long as it’s yours, yes, I will,” you giggled. “Am I to assume mine is just as good?” 

“Of course,” he said. “With all the room a one bedroom can give you.” 

“In other words...” 

“Don’t have too much stuff, and don’t ever actually look at how ‘big’ it is,” Freddie sighed. “If you can manage that, you can pretend you don’t feel like an insect trapped in a jar.” 

The car pulled up in front of a frankly beautiful building, and you followed Freddie out of it and to one of the doors into it. 

“Now, I should let you know,” Freddie started. “We’re actually still waiting on the current tenants to finish moving out of your place, apparently. I don’t know all what happened, John has more details since wrangling this all went through our office, but in the meantime I thought you could...” 

He stopped, and for a minute you saw one of his other sides, the shy Freddie that hung back at times during parties, happy to stick to you and the rest of the guys and be open and fun with you, but less interested in immediately pulling any spotlight towards him. 

“If you want to, I should say. I mean, I don’t know where else you’d go, and I really should have told you this sooner, and I apologize for not doing that and-” 

“Love?” you interrupted him. “If what you’re trying to say is that I’m staying with you, then I’m thrilled.” 

He grinned. “Good. It’s a bit tight, of course, since it’s usually just me. But it’s a roof over your head, at least.” 

It was small, but it was beautiful. Decorated gorgeously, with various bits and pieces you were sure Freddie had picked up in the market. Despite how little time there would be to spend there before the next tour would start, it felt like a home. 

“Mary is just nearby us as well,” he said. “We’ll have to pay her a visit in the time we’ve got.” 

“It goes fast, doesn’t it?” 

He nodded grimly, taking your luggage from you, only to toss it by his in the bedroom. “We’ve got till...ah, I should check and make sure I’m remembering right. Seventeenth of January, I think?” 

“Think that’s it,” you mumbled, walking back to the bedroom to search your bags for your copy of the upcoming itinerary. 

“You’re the first one I’ve brought in here that hasn’t immediately started snooping around like you own the place,” Freddie was behind you suddenly, and you turned from your bag to look up his long legs. “And the first one I didn’t have to prompt to take off your shoes in the house. I appreciate that.” 

“You know my family some now,” you said. “They don’t let shoes on in the house either. I’m in no rush to pick up wearing them in as a habit either. And this is your room, I’m just crashing here. It would be wrong of me to start...god, just going through your things? What is wrong with people?”

He shrugged. “I’ve asked the ones that did rifle about my wardrobe and closet, but none have ever had a good answer for that.” 

“Well,” you said, and stood up, draping your arms around his shoulders. “I won’t be doing anything of the sort. If I should need to find something, I will be asking you, thank you very much.” 

“Your mother raised such a polite boy,” Freddie sighed. “Shame she isn’t more proud of that.” 

You winced, as the memory of your mother’s cold reception of you and Freddie during your time home came rushing back. “Let’s not think of her anymore. Not now. Not until the next American tour, maybe.” 

“As you wish, my prince,” he said, and grinned at your blush. “I think I’m going to keep calling you that. Look at you!” 

The nickname had come about after a long night in your hometown, trying to be quiet after you’d sneaked into the guest room your mother had insisted Freddie stay in. You had talked long about how the chance to move finally, and with him to London no less, made you feel like a prince in a fairy tale. Finally found by the rest of the kingdom, ready to take your proper place on the throne. Even if, in this case, the throne was merely being able to be with Freddie and continuing to work for Queen. 

“You can’t call me that in front of the guys,” you giggled. “They’ll have a field day with it.” 

“No, I won’t use it in front of them,” Freddie agreed. “But that’s because it’s just for us.” 

“I like that.” 

“As do I,” Freddie said softly. “Now, what if we show you around the place a bit?” 

You frowned slightly. “I mean...I don’t want to be rude, Freddie. But from stepping in, you can see-” 

“You’ve not had a tour of the bed yet,” Freddie interrupted with a cheeky smile. “Or should I make you wait for that? Shall I create more stops on the tour first? Maybe we ought to head out to a pub first, wander around and let you explore. Then, if we have time, we could tour the bed.” 

You pressed yourself against him, and kissed him hard. To make up for the interrupted kiss in the car, for the many kisses you had to hold back while in your home town. 

He kissed you back just as hard, but he let you down gentle onto the bed, and watched you yawn. “You should sleep.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You say that now, but have you ever traveled out of the States?” 

You shook your head. 

“Your body needs to catch up to the time change,” Freddie said. “So tell you what. We’ll save the in-depth tour for sometime tomorrow. For now, let me give you the quick tour of the bed.” 

You watched as he stripped off his shirt, unbuttoned his trousers and tossed them in a corner of the room once they were off. His eyes followed your hands as you undressed yourself, and you wanted to yell at yourself for being as tired as you had tried to pretend you weren’t. 

“Here,” he murmured, and motioned for you to lay back on the bed. “Rest.” 

Your hands roamed his shoulders, taut and strong, as he moved over you, then against you, his lips at your neck.

And then a yawn. 

“Is my tour guide going to fall asleep on me, literally?” you giggled. 

He pressed his forehead against your shoulder. “Possibly.” 

You moved gently, until you were both laying side by side, hips close, legs intertwined. Your head rested against his shoulder, and you begged your eyes to stay open. 

But it was as if the chance to finally rest, to not be traveling, running, doing, constantly had flipped a switch. There was no fighting it, especially as you listened to the slowing of Freddie’s breath, his arms around you dead weight as he slept. 

You stared down the clock for a bit, just visible on the bedside table when you looked past Freddie, until your eyes shut again. 

[aosficnet2]

Thank you for your participation and enthusiasm for the Agents of SHIELD Smut Week!

The AoS Smut Week Collection has 39 new stories (for 13 unique relationships!) in addition to gorgeous mood boards and Tumblr posts!

Meta

Philinda + Intimacy by @queen-of-love-and-beauty (Philinda)

Fanart/Moodboards

Set It Up AU by @accio-the-force (Fitzsimmons) 

The Breakfast Nook by @eclecticmuses (Fitzsimmons)

In the Field by @soulofevil (Quakerider)

Death, Conquest, and War by @creationsbyscarlet (Legacy Quakerider)

Stress Relief by @creationsbyscarlet (Quakerider)

I pick you. And you by @soulofevil (Legacy Quakerider)

Soulmate by @soulofevil (Quakerider)

Legacyrider Moodboard and Drabble by @soulofevil (Legacyrider)

Fanfiction 

(under the cut) Please read the warnings and tags on AO3. 

G Rated Fics

we made these memories for ourselves by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly (May/Daisy, 3.6K)  Halley-verse. Halley is moving into her own home before starting residency, and Daisy wants to give her a gift. Unfortunately, it brings up some not-so-great memories.

This Magic Moment by @acerobbiereyes (Jemma/Robbie, 559 words)  Jemma has her family, and that makes all the difference

making memories and messes by @agentmmayy (Phil/May & Daisy, 4K)  Melinda and Daisy try to make their favorite dessert no matter how messy it may be.

Vindictive by @acerobbiereyes (Robbie/Daisy, 482K)  Daisy and Robbie are rival trainers, most of the time.

T Rated Fics

there’s a space in my heart just for you by @agentmmayy (May/Hunter, 4.1K)  Melinda May has a mission and 25,000 credits. Lance Hunter is in need of both of those things.

the sea and the city by @bobbimorseisbisexual (Fitz/Simmons, 6.6K)  Maggie Fitzsimmons is seventeen years old and starting her first year at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s SciTech Academy. Her parents aren’t prepared for what happens next.

Duck, Duck, Goose by TomatoBookworm (Fitz/Simmons, Hunter/Bobbi, Lincoln/Daisy, 4.4K)  Everyone knows a soulmate goose is a wise, and not benevolent, guide to finding true love. Whenever the goose shows up, just let it push you towards your soulmate, kiss and profess your feelings, and you will have your happily ever after.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder by @florchis (May/Daisy, 667 words)  Undressing in front of someone new never stops being uncomfortable. Daisy lets May know she has no reasons to be embarrassed.

i know it's gonna get me in trouble (just as long as you know you got me) by  @loved-the-stars-too-fondly (May/Daisy, 1.5K)  AU meeting prompt: "There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll f-ck off?"

Kisses In The Snow by @ready-to-kick-some-ass (Fitz/Hunter, 1.1K)  Hunter really misses their bed.

when the clock strikes zero by @apathbacktoyou (Kasius/Sinara, 401 words)  some people are born with countdowns on their wrists. no one knows what they mean. kasius is sure his is counting the seconds until he will meet his soulmate. 

A Taste of Scotland by @agentofship (Fitz/Simmons, 3.7K)  Jemma is spending her vacations in Edinburgh with her friend Daisy before going back for a new year at Oxford University. Being a smart, sophisticated woman, Jemma prides herself in her taste for the beautiful museums and natural sights Edinburgh has to offer, and if she'd been spending quite a lot of time on High Street watching a certain bagpiper play his instrument, it's only, of course, because he's a wonderful musician.

all at once everything looks different (now that i see you) by  @loved-the-stars-too-fondly (May/Daisy, 1.3K)  Soulmate AU: the one where you only see color once you meet your soulmate (so you don’t know them until you see them), and it goes away when they die.

sunkissed by  @loved-the-stars-too-fondly (Bobbi/Daisy/Jemma, 3.6K, WIP)  Bobbi Morse spends her summers away from college on a beach in the middle of nowhere, because her parents think internships are overrated and family time is more important. She’d be more inclined to agree if her parents actually spent time with her, but that’s neither here nor there. Bobbi spends all of her time on the beach, and begins to notice two girls hanging around who she’s never seen before. At a bonfire night she learns their names are Jemma and Daisy – and they both like girls. Summer romance blooms between the three, and all Bobbi can think through the sunkissed days and moonlit nights is that she never wants it to end.

M rated Fics

Seven Days of Daisy and May by @carlyraeswift (May/Daisy, 3.2K)  Daisy has a huge crush on Melinda May and it's starting to get awkward. Or is it the start of something beautiful?

You’re On My To-Do List by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly  (May/Daisy, 385 words)   May just got back from a mission. Skye's been waiting for a chance to surprise her.

clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose by @agentmmayy (Coulson & Daisy, 1K)  Lincoln wasn't the only one Daisy lost.

over and done with by @rathxritter (Fitz/Simmons, 4.1K)  Leopold James Fitz and Jemma Anne Simmons are known by the public as FitzSimmons. Their relationship is unpindownable and undeniably strong: they're sort of best friends, sort of soulmates, sort of lovers. And now Jemma is back for good.

until you believe it, or maybe remember it by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly (May/Daisy, 1.8K)  Daisy takes May on a tour of the life they have outside the Framework, a life May doesn't remember

i’m fine, maybe in time by @everythinghappens-love (Fitz/Daisy/Jemma, 767 words)  prompt: cuddling + skimmons

When We Meet Again by @ready-to-kick-some-ass (Fitz/Simmons, 4.3K)  1945. War is over. While people are celebrating on the street, Jemma feels nothing but exhaustion and sadness. Since she stopped receiving letters of her boyfriend Fitz, she's sure he's dead. Still, when there's a train announced which is about to bring surviving soldiers home, she goes there too. At the railway station, a surprise is waiting for her. 

longing to share the lot by @meanderings0ul (Lincoln/Daisy, 866 words)  The lid came off.

keep coming back for more by @meanderings0ul (May/Andrew, 1.1K)  It turned into their secret though, that she'd forgotten and he remembered, that she'd ask without expecting the answer and he'd tease her.

Wake Up by @quakeitbreakit (Robbie/Daisy, 150 words)  Robbie Reyes discovers it isn't a nightmare Daisy Johnson is having when he wakes up to her moans.

E rated Fics 

Tie Me Up by @agentofship (Fitz/Simmons, 7.1K)  After a promising start of day rudely interrupted by a phone call from their boss, Jemma cannot seem to get what she wants from her boyfriend all day. Maybe she just has to tie him up to make sure he doesn't go anywhere.

stress relief by @apathbacktoyou (Kasius/Sinara, Sinara/OC(f), Kasius/Sinara/OC(f), 12.8K)  Sinara's lovers have an unfortunate proclivity to disappear from the Lighthouse. Replacing them is becoming tedious and then she notices the one thing they all have in common: Kasius' signature on the paperwork.

Purple by @meanderings0ul (Phil/May, 1.4K)  The first time he’d knelt down to her looking like this, her knees almost gave out. 

work hard, play harder by @agentmmayy (May/Hunter, 5.5K)  There's nothing quite like fucking on company time, but Melinda and Hunter accidentally take it to the extreme when there's a medical mix-up.

now I’m covered in colors, pulled apart at the seams by @agentmmayy (May/Hunter, 6.8K)  When Melinda May's ex-fling hires her to produce art for a fund-raising auction, sparks- and paint splatters- fly between her and one of the models. Lance Hunter is talkative, a little brazen, and has a body Melinda enjoys painting. When he invites her back to the dressing rooms after the event, Melinda hesitates, but then again, she's never been a firm believer of "do not touch the art." 

Horny Nerds by @agentofship (Fitz/Simmons, 5.9K)  Jemma goes to a sci-fi convention in the hope of getting a picture and autograph of her favorite Doctor but things don't go exactly as planned. Instead, she meets another fan and ends up having a much better time than she could have hoped for.

Explosive by @libbyweasley (Fitz/Simmons, 3.5K)  Things sizzle between Fitz and Jemma after they accidentally blow up an algae bio-fuel hydrogen cell. 

An Actress Walks Into A Bar by @sunalsolove (Bobbi/Hunter, 3.2K)  AU. Hunter’s working at Downtown Alley pouring drinks when A-List star Bobbi Morse makes an appearance. He’s seen her there before but hasn’t done anything more than pour her a margarita. Bobbi has had a terrible day and when the cute bartender offers to listen, she finds it’s not just his ear she wants.

since I came here (felt the joy and the fear) by @abrusfanfics (Fitz/Simmons, 4.4K) Leopold Fitz is one of the oldest souls in existence. Jemma Simmons is a brand new soul. Somehow, against all odds, Fitz's soul is matched to hers. He gets to love, honor, and protect Jemma Simmons until they die, and do it all again when they're reborn. He just has to work up the courage to actually kiss her.

lovin' it up when i'm goin' down by @agentmmayy (Phil/May, 1.9K)  Worked up from dancing, Melinda and Phil steal a few moments to themselves in the elevator. 

Sparks by @sunalsolove (Fitz/Simmons, 4.4K)  AU. Jemma is a top researcher in the field of Soulmate biology but needs a better way to collect the sparks that fly around Soulmates. She could also use a lot more samples. Fitz might be able to help with both.

only a call away by @agentmmayy (Phil/May, 3.3K)  Lonely and bored, Melinda video calls Phil. It turns into a call she wasn't- or maybe was- expecting.

Solo Ride by @soulofevil (Robbie/Daisy, 684 words)  Robbie enjoys the parting view of Quake and puts it to use on his drive home.

can someone send a runner (for the feeling that I lost today) by @abrusfanfics (Fitz/Simmons, 2.3K)  Jemma jumps off a plane, an act which understandably causes her to rethink her life choices. 

(Not) Alone Time by @sunalsolove (Fitz/Simmons, 3K)  S1 AU. Jemma needs some alone time. Fitz needs to discuss his latest idea with her. 

If I missed you, it was an unintentional error on my part ( @sunalsolove), please let me know ASAP, badges will be going out shortly. 

Thank you to everyone for making this a wonderful week! 

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company Part 2

Chapter Seventeen:

The One Where Violet, Klaus, and Olaf Take a Tour of the Squalors’ Penthouse

As Esme and Jerome entered the room, Jerome gave Olaf a confused look. For a second Klaus and Violet were very hopeful that Jerome had recognized Olaf from the Wanted Posters or The Daily Punctilio. “Who is this man?”

“Jerome, I told you Gunther was coming over today, and that he might need to hide behind the curtains,” Esme replied rolling her eyes.

“Oh, yes! It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance,”

“Hello, please,” Olaf responded. “ I am Gunther. I hope you’ll forgive the way I am talking, but I am, please, a foreigner.”

Violet and Klaus rolled their eyes. Violet opened her mouth to say something but Klaus shot her a desperate look begging her to just listen to Olaf. Violet watched Olaf smirk as he continued to talk to Esme and Jerome.

“It is very nice to meet the husband of pretty lady Esme and two hideous children,” Gunther said in his annoying fake foreign accent. “Is ‘hideous’ the right word for what it is I am trying to say?”

“Isn’t he so foreign, so in! ” Esme squealed.

“ In sane,” Klaus muttered.

Violet smiled as she got an idea. “So... Gunther ...you say you’re foreign. What country are you from?” she asked.

Olaf glared at her. “I’m from a very faraway land, please.”

“What faraway land is that?” Klaus asked seeing what Violet was doing.

Olaf glared at him. “Very...very...faraway.” he hissed. “Enough about me, please.”

“You’re right, Gunther,” Klaus said.

“Let’s talk about Count Olaf,” Violet suggested. “And how he won’t get away with this. Not with the law closing in,” she glared at the villain who simply sighed angrily knowing full well what Violet was doing.

“Oh, yes, please.” Gunther replied to Violet. “Let’s talk, please, about the Quaggie twins and the little baby, please. The newspaper says, please, that they’re in his clutches, please.”

“They’re triplets!” Klaus shouted.

“In my foreign land, please.” Gunther replied glaring darkly at Violet and Klaus. “Kidnapped children, please, get tortured, please when they’re kidnappers are in very bad moods, please.”

Klaus’ face became pale as he looked to Violet, who continued to glare at Gunther.

“Oh! Let’s not talk about depressing things like others being kidnapped,” she whined. “I'd rather talk about exciting things...that are happening to me! Like the In Auction Gunther and I are planning.”

“Ah!” Jerome said happily.

“What’s the In Auction?” Klaus asked confused.

Esme rolled her eyes. “The In Auction is happening on the innest day, which is in a couple of days, at the innest auction house, Veblen Hall, and is being hosted by the innest auctioneer that I could find. This foreign man named Gunther!”

Gunther took a bow even though no one was clapping for him.

“Just look, look, look, look. Just look at this glossy but classy catalog!” Esme said holding up a glossy catalog. “This auction is going to be so fashionable that people are going to have heart attacks and die!”

Violet and Klaus could tell by how she spoke and presented the In Auction that fashion was definitely one of her main interests which annoyed the kids. They weren’t very big on trends because they both found it mundane and vapid. But they kept their opinions to themselves, not entirely out of respect for Esme and her passion but because they hoped that even if she found their passions unfashionable she’d let them enjoy what they liked in the same respect that they let her. So they both gave her a small smile as she info dumped about her In Auction.

“Of course, all the money goes to a good cause,” Esme said.

“Aw. Which good cause?” Jerome asked smiling, happy to hear that Esme was giving to charity.

“Me!”

“Me,” Gunther replied.

“Me.” Esme countered sternly.

“Me,”

“Every last penny goes to me, ” Esme said annoyed, softly glaring at Gunther.

“Yes, but there will be auctioneer’s fees and incidentals, please.” Gunther replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Shouldn’t we give the proceeds to those who need it? Perhaps those starving people we were reading about?” Jerome suggested meekly.

“Starving people can’t eat money,” Esme replied. “Besides if we give money to poor people, they won’t be poor, and we won’t have anyone to feel sorry for.”

“Aw. poor people,” Gunther agreed. He glanced at Klaus and Violet. “Which reminds me, you poor wealthy orphans, go far away, please. Pretty lady Esme and I have to talk big fat business!”

“Yes, yes, yes, yes. I don’t need children distracting me from my job or my In Auction.” Esme said as sweetly as she could. “Jerome. I need you to put the children into pinstripe suits before anyone sees them in those hideous clothes and my life is ruined,” she ordered as she and Gunther left the living room to a different room to discuss more details of the In Auction.

Jerome sighed. “Well, maybe I can convince her to give the proceeds to charity,” he muttered.

“Jerome,” Violet said turning her head to make sure that Olaf wasn’t around any longer. “There’s something we need to tell you,”

“Violet...are you sure?” Klaus whispered. “He’ll hurt them,”

“Yes, Violet,”

Klaus walked up to the window quickly looking down. “Wow! What a spectacular view! Don’t you agree, Jerome?” he asked. Jerome smiled as he walked towards the window. Violet sent Klaus an annoyed glare. Violet walked over to the window, too. It was as if they were looking out on a tiny, tiny city with matchboxes instead of buildings and bookmarks instead of streets. They could see tiny colored shapes that looked like various insects but ere really all the cars and carriages in town, driving along the bookmarks until they reached the matchboxes where the tiny dots of people lived or worked. Klaus could see the neighborhood where he and Sunny had lived with their parents while Violet could see the street where she and her father had recently lived on. Both children refusing to look in the direction of where the burnt remains of their former homes were. Klaus noticed a faint blue strip far, far away, he realized almost immediately that it was the beach where he and Sunny received the terrible news that begun all of their misfortune. He slowly turned his head to look at Violet, he felt bad when he saw that her face was just as sad as he was.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it,” Jerome said. “It’s very expensive to live in a penthouse apartment, but I think it’s worth it for a view like this. Look, they’re already cutting down those awful trees that made our street so dark.”

Esme ran back into the room to grab her catalog. “Well, of course, they’re cutting them down,” she said. “Regular light is in, as in as aqueous martinis, pinstripes, and orphans.” She gave the kids a strange smile as she ran back out of the room, giving them a slight wave as she exited.

Violet and Klaus looked straight down and saw that Jerome was right. Those strange trees that had blocked out the sunlight on Dark Avenue, looking no taller than paper clips from such a great height, were being chopped down by little gardener dots. Even though the trees had made the street seem so gloomy, it seemed a shame to tear them all down, leaving bare stumps that, from the penthouse window, looked like thumbtacks. The two half-siblings looked at one another uneasy and then back down to Dark Avenue. Those trees were no longer in, so the gardeners were getting rid of them. Violet and Klaus did not like to think of what would happen when orphans were no longer in, either.

After a few silent minutes, Jerome ushered them to follow him through the penthouse. “Come this way.”

As they passed by rooms, Jerome pointed at one. “Believe it or not, but the Duchess of Winnipeg once stayed in this very room,” he stated. He then turned his head to the other side of the hallway. “Or maybe it was this one.”

“How many rooms are there?” Violet asked as she began tying her hair up.

“Seventy-one, I think. I don’t know what’s in half of them. The other day, I found a kitchen I’d never seen before. The omelet was really good.”

“So the penthouse has lots of places to hide?” she asked.

“Oh, I love hide and seek!” he replied happily. “But the house is so big. Children could get lost in this penthouse for ages.”

Jerome stopped at two doors. “Now, I wasn’t aware that you two were siblings. If I knew that I would’ve probably set up a room for you two share. But I did pick out two rooms right next to each other so you two wouldn’t have to wander off far if you guys wanted to hang out. I even set up a room for…” he began before he saw Klaus’ face change.  Jerome sighed and knelt down in front of Klaus putting a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “They’ll find her…” he said frowning. “And when they do, she is more than welcome to live with us.” he turned to Violet. “The Quagmires, too. I don’t see you guys as fashionable accessories and I’m sure Esme doesn’t mean to come off that way…” he sighed again. “When the authorities find Sunny and the Quagmire triplets. They can live right here with us.”

Klaus gave Jerome a hopeful smile. “Thank you,” he whimpered. “I appreciate you making Sunny her own room...but if they…”

“ When,” Jerome corrected. “Not ‘if’. Don’t lose faith,”

“But when they find her...I’d prefer if she shared a room with me,” Klaus said.

“Perfectly fine,” Jerome said smiling. “I mean if you guys want to share a room, you are more than welcome. Again, I wasn’t aware that you guys were related.”

“No, you’re fine,” Violet replied. “We appreciate everything you’ve done for us, Jerome.”

Jerome smiled at Violet. “I hope you guys find some peace and happiness here,” he said as he stood back up. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes to change. Your pinstripe suits are on your beds,” he informed them. “Violet, your room is on the left and Klaus, yours is on the right.”

Violet and Klaus watched as Jerome disappeared down the hallway after taking a left turn passed several doors. Violet turned to Klaus. “Do you want to share a room?” she asked.

“I’m sure this is fine,” he replied meekly. “Our rooms are right next to each other,”

Violet nodded. “Why didn’t you let me tell Jerome Gunther’s true identity when we were alone,”

“He may not believe us. No one ever listens.”

“And what if Jerome is different?”

“Okay? What if he confronts Olaf and Olaf somehow manages to get out of it. He’ll hurt Sunny and the Quagmires!” Klaus replied. “I can’t...I can’t let that happen...this is already my fault…”

“This is Olaf’s fault,”

“It’s mine,” Klaus argued. “I’m the one who let you guys risk your lives,”

“No, that was me and the Quagmires,” Violet pointed out. “We didn’t listen to you, remember. So if you’re blaming yourself you might as well blame all of us.”

“Violet, this is my fault,” Klaus reiterated.

Violet sighed but dropped the subject entirely. She walked into her room and closed the door. Klaus stared regretfully at Violet’s door for a few seconds before walking into his own bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Both siblings changed in silence wrestling with their thoughts. Violet couldn’t stop thinking about what Olaf had said about wealthy orphans being in arm’s reach and what Jerome said about people being able to get lost in this penthouse. Had Olaf found a way to hide them in the penthouse without the Squalors’ knowledge? Klaus was thinking about what Olaf said when he stated that Klaus and Sunny had reversed roles and that Sunny wasn’t as brave and tough as she seemed. He thought about what Olaf said about Sunny needing to be punished and taught a lesson and that he knows how to make a puppy obedient. Klaus also couldn’t get the thoughts of Sunny and the Quagmires never being found if Olaf is sent to jail. He knew that he and Violet would have to find and rescue them first and then worry about bringing Count Olaf to justice.

The siblings had changed into the ridiculous pinstriped suits that Esme had bought for them.  They were really surprised that Esme had guessed their sizes perfectly. Maybe it was a skill she learned while being obsessed with fashion.

Klaus frowned to Violet. “I knew he’d be back but I can't believe he found us so quickly. “

“Same here. It’s troubling to know that he could be one step ahead of us. But it also means the Quagmires and Sunny are close. He said they were in arm’s reach because the manhunt forestalled him.”

“Actually, the dumbass said the manhunt foreshadowed him,” Klaus corrected giving a small smirk as Violet chuckled.

“I was thinking what if he’s hiding them in this apartment?”

“Wouldn’t the Squalors know if there were three kidnapped victims in their apartment?”

“Maybe not,” Violet countered. “Jerome said he doesn’t even know what’s in every room. I doubt that Esme would, either. She doesn’t seem like she’d have the patience to memorize all of that.”

“And that children could get lost for ages,” Klaus added. “You know Esme invited Gunther here. Do you think they’re working together?”

“Esme’s already rich. She doesn’t need our inheritance.” Violet argued.

“Yeah, but she seems to be falling for Olaf,” Klaus replied. “Could that be apart of his plan?”

“Well, what did he do to your previous guardians?”

Klaus closed his eyes and remembered that dreadful morning where he had woken up and made his way across the reptile room to find Uncle Monty’s corpse. It was like he was teleported back to that creepily quiet morning where the world felt like it had stopped once again. He flashed to the early morning hours outside in the middle of Lake Lachrymose surrounded by harsh, post-hurricane breeze and hungry, irritated leeches. He heard Josephine’s shrill screams and pleads as he can hear his and Sunny’s desperate cries for a guardian who was willing to trade her life for their own. He then transported to the lumbermill, his vision in this memory was blurry but he can hear everything. His ears being overstimulated from Olaf’s yells and demands, the clank of a sword colliding with one of his baby sister’s teeth, the whirring of the chainsaw that was nearly outmatched by the desperate screams of Charles. Klaus can see a blurry silhouette of a man who looks like Sir but doesn’t feel like Sir. His cloud of smoke was oddly green and he was taller. And he cared. He shouted at Klaus causing the boy’s vision to slowly normalize. He could hear the loud argument between this man and Olaf. His vision still isn’t clear but the man looked familiar. He knew this man by many names, Kronk, Steve, Lemony, or Violet’s father. The peaceful vision of this man subsides, Klaus blinks his eyes once and the man has caught fire. He screaming and pleading and slowly dying in agony.

Klaus sighed as he looked at Violet. “He murdered them,” Klaus whispered.

“Maybe he’s trying to distract Esme in hopes of killing her and Jerome?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,”

“Then we can’t let him get the chance to murder the Squalors,” Violet explained.

“How are we going to do that?”

“By taking matters into our own hands,” Violet explained as she began tying her hair up.

“I’m sorry I don’t follow,”

“I have a plan,” Violet said finally. “But I don’t think you’re going to like it very much,”

Klaus’ eyes widened. “Why?”

“Do you think you can distract him?” Violet posed.

“ Distract him? How?!”

“I don’t know. Think of something book boy,”

“Why aren’t we distracting him?” Klaus asked. “I don’t like the idea of separating or being by myself with him.”

“First off, we can’t distract him because I’m going to search for the Quagmires and Sunny,” Violet explained. “Secondly, you will not allow yourself alone with him. Do you understand me? You will stay with Jerome or Esme.”

“I don’t like this,” Klaus whined.

“If I thought you would be good at sneaking around the penthouse, I’d trade places with you. But you’re not,”

“Violet...he’s….unpredictable,”

“You’ll be fine,” Violet promised.

“If he has Sunny, he doesn’t need me,”

Violet gave her brother a small smile. “That’s why you are to stay with the Squalors until I get back,”

Klaus merely nodded although Violet can tell by his face that he was not too happy with this plan at all. Violet and Klaus walked down the hall to where they could hear Jerome, Esme, and Gunther. Violet gave Klaus a quick hug as she backtracked down the hall, and turn right after passing by several doors. Klaus took a deep breath and walk into the room that the adults were in. Olaf was swinging his cane around and trying to entertain Esme and Jerome. Esme only looked half interested probably because she did not find Gunther’s performance in and Klaus couldn’t tell if Jerome was actually amused or pretending to spare Gunther’s feeling. Klaus.

“Would pretty lady Esme and und husband like to see party trick?” Gunther asked.

“Yes,” Jerome replied giddily.

Gunther smiled at Jerome. “Come, come. Right here,” he said glancing up making sure he was directing Jerome in the right spot. He pressed the button located on the top of his cane. As he showed off a small stiletto knife. He began waving his cane around again. Gunther gave a sly grin towards Klaus as he aimed for a cord that was holding a chandelier directly above Jerome.

Klaus’ eyes widened. “ No!” He yelled as he lunged himself for Jerome pushing him out of the way before Olaf could kill him.

Esme screamed. “This sofa belonged to the King of Arizona. You don’t recline on it!” she yelled at Klaus.

“Oh, sorry darling,” Jerome replied quickly standing up.

“But Gunther...and the chandelier,” Klaus tried.

“Gunther was just showing us cane tricks that earned him a bronze medal for his country’s non-trademark-violating version of the Olympics.”

“In my country, children do not interrupt married couple and foreign man turning tricks,” Gunther responded angrily towards Klaus.

“Let’s forgive him just this once, seeing as he’s finally put on an in suit,”

Gunther glared at Klaus. “Where is the other one, please?”

“Wh-what other one?”

Gunther stepped closer to Klaus. “The girl orphan,”

“What girl orphan?”

“The little brat with the big mouth,” Gunther replied gritting his teeth.

“Where is Violet?” Jerome asked worriedly.

Klaus turned to reply to Jerome, he could feel Olaf’s glare intensely staring at him attempting to stare into his soul. “M-my sister’s exploring,” Klaus answered. “She said she wants to see every inch of this penthouse,” Klaus smirked towards Gunther who silently glared back at him.

“I do hope she’s careful,” Jerome explained. “Without a system, a person could get lost.”

Klaus continued to smirk towards Gunther. “My sister’s very resourceful,” Klaus said. “And if I’m being honest, I’d like to see the rest of the apartment,”

Gunther snuck a death glare towards Klaus as he protested. “No, no. Please. I do not approve of small orphan browsing penthouse,” He said.

“It shouldn’t take long,” Klaus countered “This penthouse has, I’m guessing, up to ten rooms?”

Esme rushed up in defensive shock. “Up to ten rooms?” she laughed, looking detestably at Klaus. “ Up to ten rooms?” she rolled her eyes as she stood in front of Klaus. “Step this way, orphan, boy, and prepare to be so dazzled your eyes will turn black!”

Jerome chuckled as he followed, giving Klaus a small chuckle.

Klaus tried to follow as he felt a spidery hand grip his shoulder. The feel of the man’s grip brought him back to one of the worst nights in his life. He closed his eyes and whimpered for a second. “I know what Snicket is up to,” Olaf hissed in Klaus’ ear. “If you don’t think Sunny is going to pay for you two not listening?”

“Y-you said we couldn’t t-tell the Squ-squalors your tru-true identity,” Klaus pointed out. “You never said we couldn’t…look for them…”

Olaf gripped the boys’ shoulder tighter. “I would think you of all people would know that playing with me is a very bad idea.”

“Don’t hurt them...please,” Klaus whimpered. “I’ll surrender for their release. You could take me now...Violet’s not around,’

“You’re not the one I want,” Gunther hissed causing Klaus to tremble. “But don’t worry I have plans for you…your little orphan life is safe... for now.”

“Y-you won’t get away with this,” Klaus informed the villain.

Gunther laughed. “Really? Have you seen my press clippings,” he asked poking the boys’ chest. “I could get away with murder... again. ” He released Klaus’ shoulder and pushed the young child to follow Esme and Jerome.

Klaus hurriedly caught up to Jerome and Esme, he stood next to Jerome glancing behind him every so often to make sure Olaf hadn’t snuck away.

“This is the formal dining room,” Esme announced.

“I love these vases, don’t you?” Jerome asked.

“Mmm, sturdy enough to cause a fatal concussion, no?”  Gunther replied gently tapping his cane on one of the vases looking directly at Klaus.

“This is the semi-formal dining room.”

“These vases are cute, too.”

“Yeah, but still heavy enough for a good whacking,” Gunther pointed out. “Ain’t that right, orphan boy?”

Klaus gulped but didn’t respond to Gunther’s question.

“This is the informal dining room.”

“Tiny vase can shatter into a million pieces and hit your eye,”

“This is the games room,” Esme said as she opened doors to her penthouse. The group walked through the room rather quickly. Olaf noticed a white chalk mark on the doorframe to the game room. He looked around angrily. He didn’t see Violet anywhere. He gave a low growl as he rubbed the chalk mark away smirking at himself like he has outsmarted the kids.

. “Bowling alley,” she said happily. Olaf noticed again that there was a white chalk mark, he rubbed this one away, too. Making sure that Klaus didn’t notice what he was doing.

“My powder room,” she said soothingly.

“I’m not allowed in here,” Jerome added.

“That’s right, darling.” Esme agreed. “No one is allowed in here,”

Esme led the boys out of her powder room, although Olaf had stayed behind to glance over his disguise in the mirror. He glared intensely towards the mirror. Something felt odd about the room but he couldn’t put his finger on it. After picking his teeth for around half a minute, he turned to leave. He glanced at a small table near the bathroom that sad an incomplete tea set. Olaf rolled his eyes when he realized what tea set that was. Noticing the few sugar cubes that sat on the table next to a teacup.

He caught up to the tour as Esme showed Klaus, Olaf, and Jerome a number of rooms where she displays her most expensive, most in objects. Including an enormous basket of rutabagas, the innest root vegetable, her collection of extremely long rubber bands. And Spain’s largest handkerchief.

Gunther groaned in annoyance. “This looks large enough for, how do you say, suffocating rich person?”

“What was that?” Jerome asked as Klaus looked worriedly at Gunther.

“I said...achoo,” he faked.

“Oh bless you,” Esme responded.

“Thank you, pretty lady,” Gunther said. “I’m allergic to something in this room that is not large handkerchief or you two adult  people,”

Esme frowned. She looked pointedly at Klaus. “The orphan, perhaps?”

Gunther gasped stepping away from Klaus. “He’s an orphan? Que Pasa! ” he shouted. “Yes, I’m allergic to orphans,”

“Is it his dust?” Esme asked as if she were agreeing with Gunther.

“Yes, yes, or his ashes,” Gunther replied mockingly. “This clogs up my whole...what is the word for it?”

“Glands?” Jerome guessed.

Gunther sighed loudly. “ Life. ”

__________________________________________________________

Jacquelyn couldn’t help but stare in amazement as Olivia Caliban angrily read The Daily Punctilio aloud to her incredibly incompetent boss. Poe simply stood there at his desk barely paying any attention to the concerned librarian. “Not only are several facts in this newspaper,” Olivia stated. ‘Do you have any idea how many orphaned students from Prufrock are ending up in the hands of very dreadful people,”

“The matter of the Baudelaires and Quagmires does not concern you,” Mr. Poe explained after a fit of coughing.

“You’re partially right,” Olivia stated. “It shouldn’t concern me, it should concern you but you don’t look the least bit concerned.”

“What should I be concerned about?” Poe asked.

“How about the parade of tsuris that has plagued the Baudelaires, the Quagmires, the Snickets and who know what other orphans, whose affairs you are supposed to be vice president of. ‘Tsuris’ means trouble in Yiddish,” Olivia explained.

“I’m aware of what ‘tsuris’ means,”

“I have taken an unpaid sabbatical from my job as a school librarian to come to the city and investigate.” Olivia set the book in between herself and Poe. Jacquelyn gave wide eyes when she realized just what book Olivia was holding. “Frankly, the more I read, the more confused and upset I become,”

“The same thing happens when I read,”

“Shocker,” Jacquelyn muttered, rolling her eyes.

“It’s why my wife and I prefer to curl up on the sofa and watch a few episodes of streaming television.”

“Your domestic life doesn’t amuse me,” Olivia stated. “I have discovered startling facts and developed a number of disturbing theories. If you have a few minutes…”

“I’m afraid I don’t. If you’ve ever had to postpone a helicopter ride, you’d know how grumpy the pilot seems to get,”

“I don’t give a fuck about grumpy pilots!” Olivia shouted. “The Quagmires and Sunny Baudelaire must be found! Klaus Baudelaire and Violet Snicket must be rescued before something dreadful happens to them as well. And Olaf must be brought to justice,” Olivia explained desperately. “Mr. Poe, please. I haven’t anywhere else to turn,”

“That’s nice,” Mr. Poe responded before turning to his secretary. “Jacquelyn, could you bring the helicopter safety harness?”

Both Olivia and Jacquelyn rolled their eyes. Olivia grunted angrily and turned to leave.

“In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one’s principles,” Jacquelyn recited.

“What did you say?” Olivia asked the beautiful secretary.

“In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance,” Jacquelyn began.

“It can be difficult to stay true to one’s principles,” Olivia finished as Jacquelyn smiled at her. “I’ve heard that a lot recently,”

“There’s a lot of cause to say it,” Jacquelyn replied. “Let me call you a taxi,”

“Oh no, I can’t afford a taxi on an unpaid sabbatical. I should take the trolley back to Prufrock and beg for my job back,”

Jacquelyn already had the phone to her ear. She smiled at Olivia as she held her index finger up indicating for Olivia to give Jacquelyn a second.

Olivia looked down at her watch. “The trolley!” she said panicked as she realized she was about to miss her ride back home. She ran out of the bank rather quickly. Jacquelyn watched worriedly as Olivia ran from her. “Come back!’ she called desperately. She wished that Jacques would hurry up and answer the damn phone. Finally, he answered.

“The world is quiet here,” he recited.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jacquelyn replied hurriedly. “Snicket?”

“Jacquelyn?”

“I need to arrange a pickup,”

“What sort?”

“There’s a person armed with curiosity and well-defined morals indicated by a concern for orphaned children who could be of benefit to the world were she pointed in the direction of its most sinister secrets instead of taking the trolley,” Jacquelyn explained.

“A recruit?”

“Yes,”

“Got it.  Where can I find her?”  Jacques asked. “What does she look like?”

“Trolley stop, northwest kitty-corner from Mulctuary Money Management. Bright-eyed beautiful woman with an annotated copy of The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations.”

“Got it,” Jacques said hanging up, speeding down a few blocks to reach the exact location. Anyone who knew the three Snicket siblings, They would have thought that Kit was the one driving. He was driving like a maniac that he nearly hit the woman he was told to pick up.

“You almost hit me!”

“A thousand pardons. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jacques explained. “You leaving town?”

“I interviewed an ice cream vendor, saw twenty minutes of a confusing movie about zombies, and ran into a dead-end at a bank. I don’t know where I can go except home in defeat,” she admitted defeat.

“Maybe this story’s not over. Need a ride?” Jacques asked.

Olivia scoffed. “It’s my first day in the city, but its not my first day in the city. You can’t expect me to hop into the car of a total stranger.”

“That is how taxis work.” Jacques pointed out, gesturing to his taxi. When Olivia still looked back at him with a face full of doubt. He sighed. “It’s troubling to think about orphans who lost their home and parents in a fire only to be kidnapped from Prufrock.”

“How did you know I was searching for…”

“Look, my taxi is just a day gig. I am also a member of an organization,” he explained getting right to the point.

“A secret organization?”

“If you know about it, maybe it’s not a secret.”

“I have been reading,”

“That’s usually the first step,”

“You’re a volunteer,” she said happily.

“Jacques Snicket,” he said extending his hand.

Her face fell. “Snicket...as in…”

“Yes,” he said sadly. “Violet Snicket is my niece and she’s in grave danger.”

“I’m so sorry,” Olivia said frowning. “The name’s Olivia Caliban,” she said shaking his hand.

“Hop in, Miss Caliban. The world is quiet here,” he said to her as she hopped into the passenger seat of his taxi.

_______________________________________________________

Violet Snicket looked down the hallway that she stood in the middle of. Trying to decide which direction to go first. She stood in the hallway, taking a deep breath. She knew she had to be quiet but diligent. She couldn’t leave Klaus alone with Olaf for too long but she had to make absolutely sure that each room she searched did not have the Quagmires or Sunny hidden in there. She began to tie her hair up as she closed her eyes. She took a piece of chalk out of her pocket and marked the doorframe of the first door she decided to go into.

For the next several rooms, this was Violet’s routine. Mark it with her chalk, enter and search the room entirely, and then exit to the next room. She could hear approaching voices, she was currently in the informal dining room as she could hear Esme call it. She ran under the table, hiding behind the cloth that laid across the table long enough to reach the ground. She could hear Olaf vaguely threatening her brother, it made her want to rush out of her hiding place and kick his ass. But she stayed calm. He’s with the Squalors, Olaf won’t do anything to him if there are witnesses. She listened carefully to make sure that she could hear all four people exit the room. She continued to listen for their voices to make sure she didn’t stumble into the room they were currently in.

She reached the games room, she looked around cautiously as she marked the door frame and quickly ran out when she could hear Esme’s loud voice from the hallway. She quickly ran into a bathroom. She glanced around quickly, noticing that Esme had a tea set stationed right next to a rather nice looking bathtub. She noticed that sugar cubes laid on the table and not in a sugar bowl. She gave a simple shrug of her shoulders as she could hear Esme approaching. Fuck! Shit! She thought as she ran behind Esme’s full-length mirror. For some reason, she was unsure why exactly but the air around her got colder and the tension that plagued the room became thicker. She held her breath. She didn’t know where he was but she could tell that even though Esme, Jerome, and Klaus had left the room, Olaf was still in there. She closed her eyes nervously, standing completely still. Then suddenly she could hear the sound of his boots as they walked out of Esme’s powder room and made his way back to the tour.  Violet waited until she couldn’t hear his footsteps any longer, she walked from behind the mirror, giving Esme’s strange incomplete tea set one last glance. She marked the door frame and continued her search for the Quagmires and Sunny.

Along the way, she noticed a few white smudge marks. She glared and remarked the door. She once again could hear Esme approaching so she picked a random door to hide behind keeping it ajar so to be able to check on her brother. He seemed fine. He looked slightly scared but he was physically alright. Olaf hadn’t hurt him in any way, yet. Accidentally, Violet appeared in the hallway as Jerome and Klaus were passing by. She frowned when Jerome announced her presence. “Ah! We found Violet!” Jerome said happily. Olaf turned around and glared at the young girl who simply glared back at him.

“How was the tour?” Klaus whispered.

“It was thorough,” Violet noted.

“And?” Klaus asked

“We’re back where we started,” Violet replied.

“Don’t be silly. We started in the dining room. Speaking of dining, I am so hungry, I could chew off your arm,” she said to Violet. “Now if you children will excuse Gunther and I...we have an in auction to plan. I hope you liked the tour of your new home,” she said as she stood up smiling at the two children while Gunther merely glared at them.

Violet and Klaus looked at one another both rather unhappy that Violet's search through the penthouse was unsuccessful. They both knew that Olaf was serious when he said that the Quamgires and Sunny were in arm’s reach. But they were in the dark about where they were. They watched Gunther and Esme walk out of the room and they both wondered the same question. Where in the world did Olaf hide Sunny and the Quagmires?

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Give Love a Try

Summary: Third Point of View from Seungmin about Jeongin and (Y/n)’s relationship

Jeongin X Reader

Oneshot

Talking to them self collapsing on the bed, the words, “He don’t love me” spilling from their lips. While in the adjacent room, a sigh slipping out of his mouth, “I fucking love them… I can’t get them out of my head. Everything I see reminds me of them… Everything I touch, shit I’m whipped for them… Damn I wish they loved me back” and into his phone, his friend groans at him, telling him to suck it up and ask them out. Seungmin getting sick of hearing Jeongin patronizing himself over this person. “Just ask them out, and get it over with” Seungmin tells him harshly, hanging up the phone. Jeongin sighs, fiddling with his phone, looking around his small apartment. These are the days he wishes he could simply crawl into his bed and not face his feelings. But if he doesn’t tell them, what did he have to lose? Everything, because he pulled a stupid stunt today, that he shouldn’t have. They had come up to him, and was talking about something, but since he had been frustrated about his voice cracking which may have destroyed his final grade. He growled out, “I don’t love you, can’t you get that through your head?” They gasped, with a pivot they stormed away. His heart broke immediately, realizing what he had said. He beat himself up for it internally, Seungmin was pissed to say the least.

Seungmin had every right to hang up the phone and act like Jeongin didn’t exist. After all that was Seungmin’s best friend. There was no way he wasn’t going to side with them. Jeongin deserved the treatment he was getting, he has to make things right he screams to himself. Rushing out the door, locking it, running down the apartment steps to ride his bike to the nearest store. He was going to make this right, and no one could stop him. He is more than his frustrations, he can’t let his frustrations ruin his relationship, goddamn he loved you. And he would be stupid to not go after, you fix things up, he didn’t mean anything he said. It was not going to be like any other time he messed up in love. He had ruined his first serious relationship, by being forgetful of important dates such as their birthday and their anniversary. They broke it off, the next time he fell in love, his friends made a bet to ask them out, the person found out and immediately broke it off. This was not going to be like all those other times; like never speaking to his first love again, after they had an argument. He was going to make this right if it was the last thing he would do.

With a cautious knock, he knocks on their door. They look at, “(Y/n), before you slam the door on me, please let me apologize…”

“Why would you apologize to someone you don’t love?”

“Because-Because… I messed up, and I messed up big. I’ve been in love with you since Seungmin introduced me to you… It was wrong for me to have said such a thing to you-”

“You got that right-”

“Yeah I know, so that’s why I want to make things right… I may not be able to take back what I said to you, but I hope I can rewrite my wrongs.” He holds out a bouquet of white tulips, purple hyacinths, and daffodils, “My grandmother would beat my ass if I didn’t accept such a sincere apology… But I’m not sure I should trust you again.” They carefully take the flowers from his hands, putting them in a vase near the entrance of the apartment. “Can I take you out on a date to prove to you that I’m in utter love with you. That my frustrations spoke for me, and not what my heart wanted me to say to you. Please?” They sigh before telling them they need to put on their shoes, and they’ll be ready to go.

Unlike every time he messed up in the past, he made up for them with this last date. When the two of them reached their apartments, he got to kiss them goodnight. He made a promise from there on, to not let this love slip through his fingers. He is going to do his damnedest to make sure he does everything right. Maybe, they won’t say yes to being his for a while, but that’s better than nothing. Maybe soon, maybe he can make them see him in the same light again. Because during that date, they revealed that they had liked him, but because of that outburst directed at them, they weren’t so sure if they were ready to be with him. Their feelings got locked up, they still loved him, but put a wall up to not get hurt before falling for him again. It had hurt to hear that, but he was going to make that wall fall down, and let his heart and their heart meet again.

It was three months before they said yes to him, and he didn’t forget one date, when their birthday came around, he woke them to breakfast in bed. Their anniversary he took them to a drive in movie. Yeah there was little fights here and there, no relationship is perfect. But the two of them work it out together. (Y/n) supporting him in his dreams to be a musician, while (Y/n) finally opened up that florist shop they were waiting to open for the longest time. They moved in together, a year after they started officially dating. What took Jeongin almost another loss at love, ended up to be a gain, since he took the time to fix it up. Whenever the days seem to make him want to curl up in their bed and never come out, (Y/n) was there sitting up and reading a book, running their fingers through his hair. He made it big just like (Y/n) preached to him he would. Every night that (Y/n) was scared their business was never going to take off and make them more money than what they paid for, for the building to have the shop in. It hit a big surge of customers, Jeongin would never tell but every gig he played he would tell people to go to his gorgeous lover’s flower shop. That they have the freshest flowers, and no one could beat their prices. And if they were unsure of something, his lover could tell them everything about it. (Y/n) wouldn’t tell Jeongin, but every time a customer came in, they would tell them to check out their lover’s music, and how proud they were of him.

The night they both made it big, they were sitting in the bed just cuddling together, in utter joy. Both of their dreams came true, the two of them unstoppable team. He became one of the biggest singers, blowing up and receiving awards left and right. (Y/n) no longer had to manage their stores, being able to go on tour with Jeongin, as they opened a new flower shop every place they stopped for his gigs basically. The last place they stopped, on his fourth tour, they decided to settle, adopting a few dogs and cats. Growing a garden with Jeongin was a blast, because he was always curious, and (Y/n) was always ready to rely information. As he taught them to play guitar, they taught him how to grow tomatoes so they turn out red and ripe. No one could have guessed that start off their romantic relationship on the wrong foot. Because he fixed up his mistake, and refused to repeat it.

One of the biggest superstars, with the biggest flower grower CEO, make a team. Although they don’t see most of the money they make since it’s donated to charity. And they like it that way, after all who needs a billion? When they are happy with their lives, and can live perfectly fine with a hundred thousand monthly income, with their combined salaries. They moved into a quaint town, and it was absolutely perfect for the two of them. Even though they could leave the town whenever they wanted, it felt silly. When everything they needed was right there, the garden the two of them grow together became a community garden with (Y/n) and Jeongin teaching them how to keep care of them. Everything about the town was perfect, everyone so friendly they weren’t used to it at first but, they were so glad to settle down there as opposed to their fast life they were living in the city. The slow life perfect for the two of them, they fit into the town so easy with their kind hearts. Seungmin lived in the city, and he would visit every once in awhile when he had time to spare from his family. Or the two of them would visit and see the little Seungmin's and Jinho’s running around.

It’s hard to have a perfect fairy tale love, but it seems those two made it. Because they tried, they followed their dreams, supporting each other every step of the way. Watching these two in love, is sickening, but it’s a nice sickening like when you’re watching a kissing scene with your parents after you learn what kissing means.

Sincerely, Seungmin who knows the details of their relationship like the back of his hand. Having to hear it every time they are over, you just give up and write it down, so if my kids ask I can tell them. But I think my love story is a lot better, after all it’s my love story. But I guess I’ll tell that some other time.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Weekend Picks: 2/21-2/23

Big Head Todd and the Monsters

BY JORDAN MAINZER

There were no live picks for yesterday, but plenty for the weekend!

2/21: Objekt, Smartbar

Here’s what we wrote about Objekt’s Cocoon Crush when we named it our #6 album of 2018:

“An artist solidly known for his bold exploration of techno, Objekt now takes a plunge into a new kind of ethereal beauty on Cocoon Crush. A foray into ambient music, Objekt subverts a lot of what we have come to expect from him. The line between digital and analog is smeared. Tracks are ungrounded, punctuated still by percussion and synthesizers, but in patterns and textures that materialize in mysterious ways. And just as they appear, they stutter and morph in ways unexpected to the listener. The cold machinations of the dancefloor are still present; they are just stretched and masked in exciting and rewarding ways.”

Darwin and Flower Flood open.

2/21: Knuckle Puck, Beat Kitchen

We previewed Knuckle Puck’s set at Durty Nellie’s two years ago:

“Covering last year’s Riot Fest, I found Knuckle Puck the worst set of the festival, though I did remark that the band’s new, unreleased material had the crowd’s attention as much as their released material. As it turns out, the album versions of the songs are pretty good. Shapeshifter, released about a month later in October, was exemplary of what Knuckle Puck do best–write catchy songs with powerful melodies and hooks, enough to showcase the band’s more-than-capable instrumental prowess while avoiding the try-hard singing that plagues so many of today’s emo bands.”

Cleveland power poppers Heart Attack Man and Wilkes Barre hardcore band One Step Closer open.

Objekt; Photo by Kasia Zacharko

2/21: James McMurtry, Old Town School of Folk Music

We previewed James McMurtry’s show at FitzGerald’s two years ago:

“James McMurtry plays tonight as part of the 37th Annual American Music Festival at Fitzgerald’s, still touring strong off of Complicated Game (one of our favorite albums of 2015) like he was when it first came out. When we caught up with him last November, he said of new songs, 'I’ve jotted them down on my phone as I’ve gone along. That whole record was written on an iPhone3. Unfortunately, I dropped that phone, I don’t have the cool Notes app anymore.' Well, either he’s got a new phone or doesn’t need one, because late last year, he released 'State of the Union', a trademark jab at fascism and racism. It might not be as succinct as him telling us 'There never been a good Nazi a day on this earth dead or alive,' but at least there’s hope for more new material.”

2/21: Raphael Saadiq & Jamila Woods, Vic Theatre

Last year, Raphael Saadiq released his first album in 8 years (since the great Stone Rollin’). Jimmy Lee is named after, inspired by, and partially about his brother who died of heroin overdose after contracting HIV many years ago. As such, whether singing or inhabiting the character of his brother, Saadiq is at times uncharacteristically somber. He’s at the other end of a barrel of a gun on “Sinners Prayer”, reflecting on his wrongs, wondering whether it’s too late: “When a sinner is praying, God, will you hear it?” He wears a heavy burden on the funky, stomping “Something Keeps Calling Me”, the song’s wailing guitar solo in the bridge a mirror to his emotions. Saadiq calls out society, too, just as much as himself. “The people are mad,” he sings on “This World is Drunk”. The one-two punch of anti-mass incarceration jams “Rikers Island” and “Rikers Island Redux” presents the issue as simply as it should be put: “Too many n***as in Rikers Island / Why must it be / Set them free.” The former expresses its anger with upbeat piano and a simple refrain, the latter with spoken word over gentle guitar strums.

Best, though, are the reflections of grace that rise above the despair. On “I’m Feeling Love”, over a slower, more warbling funk, Saadiq, singing as his brother, is thankful for the little that he has. And on the skittering, rolling “Glory To The Veins”, he again distills his brother’s death to what matters: “I lost a brother to AIDS / Still, he laughed every day.” We’re lucky that as he gets older, reflecting on his life, and playing live reflecting on his career in Tony! Toni! Toné! and all the legendary artists like D’Angelo and Solange that he’s produced, Saadiq is willing to impart his wisdom.

Jamila Woods’ LEGACY! LEGACY! was one of our favorite albums of last year:

“Yes, Jamila Woods’ stunning LEGACY! LEGACY! is a tribute to important artists of color. What makes it stand out among other tributes, however, is the remarkable way Woods is able to present how each figure has guided her. Take opener 'BETTY', about funk artist Betty Davis, a woman married to a far more famous jazz trumpeter who gets his own song later on. Woods explores the gender and power dynamic in the relationship and uses it to make a personal and universal plea: 'Let me be, I’m trying to fly.' Fly, she does. On 'ZORA', over a hip hop beat, Woods succinctly declares in an all-time line, 'My weaponry is my energy', the drive and desire the catalyst in the noble goal to make her mark on the world as a black woman as opposed to while being a black woman. In various interviews surrounding the album release, Woods spoke about being inspired by black artists who perform and make art truly for themselves independent and often in spite of the race of the end consumers. 'Motherfuckers won’t shut up,' beings 'MUDDY', referencing Muddy Waters adoption of electric guitar because white audiences would talk over his sets; 'Shut up, motherfucker,' she sings inversely on 'MILES', 'I don’t take requests.' But the percussive, jazzy 'EARTHA' best encapsulates her aims of self-love and ultimate pride. 'I used to be afraid of myself,' Woods admits before stating, 'I don’t wanna compromise.' Ultimately, the refrain of, 'Who’s gonna share my love for me with me?' is the mindset by which Woods approaches relationships throughout the record and then life itself. You can be a part of it, but she comes first.”

DJ Duggz also opens.

2/21: The Wailers, SPACE

We previewed The Wailers’ set at Old Town School of Folk Music last year:

“Bob Marley might not be around, but his original band, containing many of the original members and their children, continues to play his songs. Seeing them in a venue as small as this is rare.”

Tonight at SPACE--an even smaller venue--they play two shows, an early and late one.

Joe Henry

2/22: Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Vic Theatre

We previewed Big Head Todd & The Monsters’ show at the Vic Theatre two years ago:

“The Colorado jam band that saw mainstream success in the 90′s is touring fresh off of last year’s heavy New World Arisin’. In 2016, as Big Head Blues Club (the band’s project with a wide array of blues legends like Cedric Burnside and Charlie Musselwhite), they released Way Down Inside. But for the full potential of Big Head Todd and the Monsters, go a few years back and try 2014′s Black Beehive, a rawer, more diverse blues record than you’d expect from the band who recorded 'Bittersweet'. What’s for sure is that live, they’ll lean heavily on the new material while not forgoing their more beloved classics.”

They haven’t released a new album since then but have released a new song every month as part of a series. They should play some of these live, including gospel piano ballad “Hard Times Come No More” and the funky, rollicking “Train of Storms”.

Nashville band Los Colognes open.

2/22: Todd Barry, Thalia Hall

We previewed Todd Barry’s sets at SPACE two years ago:

“So, this isn’t exactly music, but deadpan comedian Todd Barry is performing 2 stand-up sets in one night at SPACE. Commemorating his 30 years of being a comedian, he’s going on another crowd work-only tour like the one documented in his 2014 special Todd Barry: The Crowd Work Tour. From watching that and his most recent Netflix special Spicy Honey, Barry’s dry observational humor is effortlessly tailored to specific crowds and cities, making this one of the must-see comedy events of the year.”

Even if tonight isn’t crowd work-only, he should do some of his specialty.

Chicago-based stand-up comic Chelsea Hood opens.

Hot Snakes

2/22: Joe Henry, Old Town School of Folk Music

Since we last saw Joe Henry five years ago, he’s done quite a bit of production work and released two albums, 2017′s Thrum, and last year’s The Gospel According to Water. In between the two, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer; considering that, the latter takes on weight. It’s, first and foremost, raw, from the guitar playing on “Famine Walk” to the title track. But Gospel sports moments of beauty, too, as on the woodwind of “Mule” and rich vocal harmonies of “In Time For Tomorrow” and “The Fact of Love”.

Americana duo Birds of Chicago open.

Pissed Jeans; Photo by Ebru Yildiz

2/22: Tim and Eric, Chicago Theatre

Who knows what Tim and Eric will bring to their Chicago stop of their Mandatory Attendance tour, other than their purported "brand new spoofs, goofs and insanity” and “special surprises.” The last time I saw them, Dr. Steve Brule showed up and almost married Jan Skylar!

2/22: Hot Snakes, Pissed Jeans, & HIDE, Empty Bottle

Music Frozen Dancing is upon us again, with suggested donations benefiting the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless! Go and donate!

We last listened to Hot Snakes from the medical tent at September’s Riot Fest. Since then, they’ve released the first two of four seasonal 7-inch singles leading up to the next LP: the burner “Checkmate” and wonderfully plodding laziness anthem “I Shall Be Free”. (The latter’s 7-inch has “A Place in the Sun” as an exclusive.)

Hot Snakes also play Sunday night at the Bottle with an opening set from post punk band Pink Avalanche.

Allentown hardcore band Pissed Jeans haven’t released anything since 2017′s Why Love Now, but they’re thankfully back to warm your pants before Hot Snakes. Maybe they’ll have some new songs to play?

Local industrial duo HIDE (artist Heather Gabel and percussionist Seth Sher) released their second album last year, the raw, disgusting Hell is Here. The drum programming and screaming is just as cringingly visceral as the recorded sounds of vomit hitting a toilet that end opening track “Chainsaw”.

Synth band Crash Course in Science, arty The Hecks, and local punk band Hitter also open.