Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.3
[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4][Pt.5][Pt.6][Pt.7]
“Aquaman.” Batman swept into the room, beelining straight for the suddenly apprehensive Atlantean king.
“Batman. What can I do for you?”
“Phantom. Does he pay taxes?”
“Pardon?”
Batman makes a low noise that had Aquaman’s danger senses buzzing.
“Does Phantom have to pay taxes. Towards Atlantis.”
“No…? Why?”
“He wanted money, in exchange for… information, of a delicate sort,” Batman said, diplomatically avoiding the topic of Phantom bargaining for the identities of corpses in exchange for a measly $100 dollars per identity. Like a flea market dealer, that one was.
“You encountered Phantom again?” Aquaman perked up.
“Yes. Gotham’s bay is… polluted.” Batman paused. “With victims. Of murder.”
The entire area quieted as heads turned towards the Dark Knight.
“Yes, I am… distantly aware of Gotham’s waters.” By that, Aquaman gets green around the gills whenever he turns his awareness in that direction. There’s a reason he doesn’t enter Gotham, and the Dark Knight’s ban is only half of that reason. “Ah, but you’re correct. For what purpose would Phantom need mortal currency?”
“Hn.”
“Maybe he needs some stuff?” Flash zipped to a stop next to Batman, feet tapping as he dug into the pile of snacks cradled in his arms. “Us mortals are always coming up with new things, maybe he wants to try some games or something?”
Batman tilted his head down, seriously considering Flash’s suggestion. “It’s plausible.”
“Barry, Barry, Barry. He’s old as hell, right? He probably wants to try the new booze!”
“Hal, my man!” Flash fist bumped Green Lantern, who came up. “You’re back! What happened to John?”
“Dunno. He got called somewhere that way,” Green Lantern waved a vague hand towards the left. “Had to deal with a politician or something from that area.” He shrugged, swinging an arm over Barry’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and stealing a chip.
“Huh. Anyways, would our mortal alcohol even work on a demi-god or something?”
“We should ask!” Hal turned towards Batman. “You should ask if he wants to go for a drink, spooky!”
“He’s a child.”
“He’s been around for more than a millennia, Bats.”
“Informational gathering, right, Hal?” Flashgot out of the headlock, quickly munching on his snacks to stop Green Lantern from stealing them.
“Totally. Yup.”
“…Fine.”
“Wait, are we just gonna ignore that Gotham’s waters are full of bodies?”
“Yes.”
——
“What?” Danny asked, mind half on the bags he’s dragging out of the water and the other half on the essay he has to submit in about four hours.
“Green Lantern wanted to invite you out for a drink.”
Danny turned to the stoic Gotham knight, who had his wrist computer out to log the bodies’ info the moment Danny gave him the information. Some of them even told Danny who murdered them, so Batman could start building cases with solid leads.
Danny’s only twenty. He’s not legal yet but he doesn’t want to give any clues to who he is. How is he supposed to…
Ah!
“Can’t.” Danny shrugged. “I’m not legal. I died when I was fourteen so…” Danny trailed off, speechless at the drowned puppy face Batman was giving him. What the fuck.
“Anyways, fork over my payment.”
Batman wordlessly hands him a wad of hundreds.
“What do you need cash for?” Batman suddenly asked.
“Huh? Isn’t it obvious?” Danny tucked it in. “Material things, obviously. I need a blanket,” because holy shit, Gotham is damn cold this time of year. “Anyways, see you same time next week, litterer.”
“I don’t litter.”
“Tell that to the batarangs I found under the water,” Danny grumbled. “But I’ll stop calling you that if you get a signature from Poison Ivy. I have a friend who loves her.”
“An alive friend?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?”
Danny snickered and disappeared. He’s gotta cram that essay.
——
“There’s a possibility Phantom might be homeless.”
“Batman, I mean this in the nicest way, but for the love of Atlantis, please stop giving me headaches. It’s time like these I wish I stayed a lighthouse keeper.”
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The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2
(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous
But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code
And Have You Dead To Rights*)
(*Maybe)
***
Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off.
Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse?
Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended
In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB--
Proem
A dark theater. The rustling of the audience: clothes, breathing, whispers of anticipation. The lights come up. A man enters, stage left. He is a magician—a master magician—and he performs for you a magic trick so good and so subtle... that you don’t even notice you’ve seen it.
You know there must have been a trick—after all, you came to the theater to see a trick performed, didn’t you? And he claims to be a magician. So there had to be a trick somewhere. There had to be.
But maybe there wasn’t. Maybe there was just a man on a stage, talking to you, telling you a story with a strangely unsatisfying ending you didn’t quite understand.
I know. This is a weird beginning to an analysis essay. But hear me out, because I have to explain the mechanisms of the stage before I can show you what the trick was, where the trapdoor was hidden, and how Neil Gaiman pulled the whole thing off so gently and elegantly that you didn’t notice a thing. Ready? Here we go.
The Facts As We Know Them
Let us begin by establishing a baseline—some fundamental, logical assumptions that underpin the magic trick. These will seem obvious as soon as I say them, which is precisely the point: They are self-evident, loadbearing foundations for my entire argument, and if I don’t point them out, I’m going to sound like a crackpot conspiracy theorist. (Which! To be fair, I might be. I could easily be wrong about all this—but I don’t think I am.)
Our baseline, loadbearing assumptions that preface my Grand Unified Theory of Season 2:
1. Neil Gaiman is extremely good at his job.
2. Neil Gaiman loves these characters and wants with all his heart to do them justice; likewise, he has a great deal of respect, love, and admiration for Terry Pratchett and is striving VERY HARD to write the show the way Terry would have been happy with.
3. The devil, as they say, is in the details: Neil Gaiman and the entire Good Omens cast/crew are fully capable of doing extremely subtle detail work, as conclusively proven in Season 1 Ep 6, specifically the whole sequence of the body-swap scenes.
With me so far? Great.
The Elephant In The Room
Season 2 was... odd. It was odd, wasn’t it. This isn’t a matter of whether you loved it or hated it—there was just something odd going on.
I spent the entirety of my first viewing very much enjoying myself and being very happy to be back with these characters and this world, but I was also liveblogging to my groupchat as I went, and a theme soon began emerging:
“Neil, what are you doing? Where are you going with this?”
“What in god’s name is going on here? I’m so lost lmao.”
“What is going on with the music situation?”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE NEIL”
“zombies, ok, I trust u to pull this all together in the end, Neil, but I still don't know what you're up to”
“What is going on LOL”
“Incredibly what is going on here”
“NEIL! WHAT IS HAPPENING!”
“Literally what is happening”
“Neil Gaiman why have you constructed a regency au for mystery VIBES reasons”
“just????????? lesbians????????? dancing what's HAPPENING. just all the background characters are gay here ok sure sure sure NEIL GAIMAN WHAT IS HAPPENING--”
“mmmmmmm neil what u doin”
All these are copied verbatim from my liveblogging, and apparently I am not the only one to have this reaction. And to be clear, I was having a good time! I came out to this theater to see a magic trick, and this Neil Gaiman guy on stage is a master magician—but I didn’t see the trick, even though there must have been a trick.
At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the season. I wanted to like it! Indeed, there were many things that I liked about it! But I felt a bit muddled and jumbled up and confused—I felt like there was something I didn’t understand about it, and so I couldn’t yet understand how I felt about it either.
I started chewing on this question in a friend’s DMs: Why is season 2 so fucking odd? What is going on here, Neil? What are you up to? The matter of whether he was up to something was never in question. I knew that he had to be up to something. Writers are always up to something, and as I watched season 2, it was as if I was watching Neil scamper around the room with a mischievous expression as he messed with things here and there and made little tweaks and adjustments to the arrangement of all the Chekov’s guns he’s stockpiling on the mantelpiece.
You see, Season 2 has some very bad writing in it. HANG ON, DON’T ARGUE WITH ME YET! THIS IS NOT A JUDGMENT CALL!! This is the rug that the trick’s secret mechanism is hidden under!!! This is the hidden mirror that makes the trick work!!!!! This is the trapdoor in the stage!
Yes, of course I will explain myself.
Neil Gaiman is a master magician, but I am a pretty damn good magician myself—I’m a professional fantasy author who has published nine books, and I teach workshops for apprentice writers online and at universities—and if there is one thing I have learned about the process of achieving mastery of your craft, it is this:
Regardless of what medium they’re working in, the apprentice artist is concerned primarily with achieving realism via an expansion of their control—control of their brush strokes as they paint a photorealistic eye; control of their deck of cards, the mechanisms of their magic tricks, and where the audience’s attention is being directed; control of all the little factors of voice, plot, character, setting, suspense and surprise that go into writing a good story. However, the master artist has achieved that control—so much so that it often looks effortless to an untrained eye—and sometimes the master artist returns to a messy, amateurish style simply because they have control even over this too.
As an example, consider Picasso and his entire body of work. He begins as an apprentice focused on achieving control, doing portraits of people that look like people—like what we expect a portrait of a person to look like. Then, as he grows in skill and gradually achieves mastery, he pulls away from realism. He develops a style, he experiments with faces that don’t look like any human alive colored in ways that do not appear in nature. He expands his control. His work becomes abstract. Towards the end of his life, he starts experimenting with what’s called “Naive art”, something that a 5 year old could theoretically draw... but you have to achieve mastery before you can do it on purpose and have it look good.
On one hand, Neil Gaiman is extremely good at his job. On the other hand, Season 2 has bad writing in it.
What does that tell us?
Well, we know from our Baseline Assumptions that Neil Gaiman is simply too good of a writer to fuck up through garden-variety clumsiness and lack-of-control the way an apprentice writer would. Additionally, he cannot fuck up by accident in this case because I am positive that the man is scrutinizing his work on Good Omens far too closely to let anything slide—for Crowley and Aziraphale’s sakes, for David and Michael’s sakes, and especially for Terry’s sake. The stakes are sky-high, and he cares too much to write a weird, kind of “bad” season by accident.
Which leaves only one option: He did it on purpose.
(Am I sounding like a crackpot conspiracy theorist? Baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. I’m gonna get SO MUCH MORE CRACKPOT.)
If he did it on purpose, then the natural question to ask is: WHY!?!?!??
It’s a great question. Not “Why?” in terms of why he as an individual person with emotions would decide to do that, mind you. More like, “What purpose does this serve for the structure of the narrative?” There is a story he is intending to tell, and out of all the choices he could have possibly made, for some reason this one was necessary and correct in order to achieve that end goal—so what was that reason?
See? Intentionality. He knows exactly what details he left in, and he did it on purpose. (Editing! It’s important!)
So there has to be a reason. It’s like when a master magician “casually” rubs an itch on his nose—why did he do that? What is he sneakily slipping into his mouth by hiding it under the excuse of this little gesture that does not even register to you as meaningful? (If you haven’t watched enough stage magic to know what I mean, watch this.)
This question is, of course, impossible to simply answer out of thin air without any further evidence. It is a dead end—so we must adjust the question and come at it from a different angle.
The one I settled on when I was chewing on this was: Well, okay, what do I mean when I say “bad writing”? What is it about S2 that makes it feel so goddamn odd?
The Pledge, The Turn, and... The Conspicuous, Expectant Silence
There are three parts to a magic trick: Pledge, Turn, Prestige.
First, the Pledge: You show the audience something ordinary.
Second, the Turn: You make that ordinary thing do something extraordinary, like vanish.
Third, the Prestige: You bring the ordinary thing back.
To quote the 2006 film The Prestige just after its explanation of the first two parts: “You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet, because making something disappear isn’t enough. You have to bring it back.”
You have to bring it back.
When I teach apprentice writers, I call this a “setup-payoff cycle”. Achieving control and dexterity with this tool is crucial, because the setup-payoff cycle is the engine of the story—it’s what makes the story run. You can have a setup-payoff cycle at any scale—I have read ones that were a single sentence long; I’ve read ones that were two books long. Additionally, all jokes, no matter how long they are, are structured on a setup/payoff cycle. These cycles work precisely the same way a magic trick does:
You set up the audience’s expectations.
(Optional but generally considered stylish and elegant: You give those expectations a firm jolt to throw the audience off-balance.)
You pay off the audience’s expectations in a way they weren’t expecting, while saying “TA DA!!!!” really loud with your arms flung wide.
Audiences really like this. A setup-payoff cycle executed just right makes the audience’s brains light up like Times Square and hammers on their mental “reward” buttons like nothing else. It’s like you’ve personally handed them a cookie and a gold star. They go wild for this.
Here’s an example of a setup-payoff cycle, though it’s not a perfect one—and you’ve probably heard it before, so you’re not going to be throwing chairs and tearing down the theater from sheer glee:
The Setup: Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who?
The Jolt: (the joke starts over and repeats several times without reaching the payoff (aka the prestige) while the audience grows more and more annoyed and frustrated about the unfulfilled expectations, until finally...) Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who?
The Payoff: ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA?
Good Omens Season 2 feels so fucking odd because the setup-payoff cycles are incomplete—nearly all of them are, and the ones that do close the loop do so in really weird ways which, as a professional author, make me feel kind of, “Bwuh?????? But where’s my cookie? Excuse me??? Sir???? Neil????? My cookie, tho???”
When I realized this, when I finally put my finger on why the whole season was giving me some uncanny valley heebie-jeebies, a chill ran down my spine.
(The rest is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ I’M GOING TO GO STARE INTO THE ABYSS NOW BYE)
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careful what you wish for | alex albon social media au
pairing: alex albon x fem norris!reader
be careful what you wish for because sometimes childhood dreams come true (not the way you think though)
MASTERLIST | BROTHER'S BFF MASTERLIST | TIP JAR
yourusername
liked by alexalbon, landonorris and 453,096 others
yourusername: it's sweet treat hour in the paddock
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user1: oh to be a person in the f1 paddock getting a sweet treat
user2: ummm actually i think i deserve one more than any of the guys on the grid
yourusername: probably true lol
georgerussell63: BLASPHEMY
landonorris: blood is CLEARLY not thicker than water 🤨
maxverstappen1: i can't believe this betrayal
charles_leclerc: puppy play date is OFF
yourusername: not you people proving them right within 0.5 seconds.
user3: y/n really is god's strongest soldier these fools must be so annoying
alexalbon: not me tho
landonorris: nuh uh 😐
alexalbon: sorry to burst your bubble lando but on the scale of least annoying (me) to most annoying (carlos) ... well marketing love carlando for a reason
landonorris: Y/N TELL HIM TO STOP BEING MEAN TO ME
yourusername: i'm not your mum, defend yourself
landonorris: ???
carlossainz55: THERE IS NO WAY I'M THE MOST ANNOYING ON THE GRID? Y/N TELL HIM THAT
yourusername: keep your car away from oscar and maybe
oscarpiastri: thank you grid mum 🫶🏻
carlossainz55: grid mum clearly showing favourites 🤨 does my sleepovers at the norris household mean anything?
yourusername: your old ass does not need a grid mum be fucking for real
carlossainz55: GASP!
alexalbon: nevermind what ever the fuck that was... the sweet treats slapped, thank you very much
yourusername: see this is why you're my favourite
oscarpiastri: i am right here
logansargent: :(((((
yourusername: NOOO MY LITTLE DUCKLINGS I LOVE YOU
user4: the way y/n has taken to oscar and logan makes my heart so warm
user5: her missing a lot of the start of the 2023 season and logan saying he started to feel less lonely when she was back coming to races as she went out of her way to support him
user6: her and alex going to miami a week early and acting more like parents than logan's actual parents
user7: it's like the older drivers are her grid kids but she only goes full mama bear for oscar and logan
user8: i'm gonna need this friends to lovers arc for alex and y/n
landonorris: do you people ever shut up
yourusername: LANDO ???
landonorris: sorry you have to die single sorry i don't make the rules
f1
liked by yourusername, georgerussell63 and 1,405,788 others
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f1: ALBON P5!!! now that's why lando had a poster of him in his childhood bedroom
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user9: i know lando forever regrets bringing that up all those years ago
user10: since we know how close alex and y/n are... i'd bet a lot of money y/n brings it up at any opportunity
yourusername: LET'S FUCKING GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alexalbon: always knew you were my biggest fan
yourusername: it must be a norris thing
landonorris: alex the literal f1 account is making fun of me and you're SAYING SHE IS YOUR BIGGEST FAN
alexalbon: okay buddy lets calm it down
landonorris: don't put me in time out you're not my grid dad
alexalbon: am i not?
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alexalbon: i wouldn't claim you dummy
landonorris: i saw that ............. interesting
user11: the way this is the biggest hint for y/n x alex we've ever gotten but lando is not putting 2 and 2 together
yourusername: i've never had to try to keep a secret from lando i've always had to spell it out for him we're safe
landonorris: who is we?
user11: i see what you mean
georgerussell63: good lord, will i ever get out of the alex DRS train?
alexalbon: NEVER MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
georgerussell63: have you already started drinking?
alexalbon: maybe, you know y/n can't mix drinks for shit
yourusername: P5 in a williams calls for a throwback college tequila punch
maxverstappen1: college tequila punch without me THE FAVOURITISM HAS GOTTEN OUT OF HAND
yourusername: you AND I QUOTE said "never talk to me again, i don't want to see you with any kind of receptacle that a person could drink out of, i never want to see a bottle of tequila ever again i feel like this is a hangover that will be passed on as some kind of generational curse"
maxverstappen1: now you say that i do recall saying something similar
user12: the way oscar and logan were so happy for alex, that's a grid dad for real
logansargent: we knew all of our drinks would been on his tab 🤞🏻
oscarpiastri: and he brought our kebabs!!
user13: how do i get this kind of treatment on my nights out?
logansargent: you have to third wheel alex and y/n when they're insufferably cute 👍🏻
this comment was deleted
user14: i'm on to yall
alexalbon
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alexalbon: post night out munch with my favourites
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user15: oh i can smell the arguments coming
yourusername: no one die i'm putting my phone on do not disturb
user16: so real
georgerussell63: HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE SANCTITY OF OUR FRIENDSHIPS I THOUGHT WE WERE PLATONIC SOULMATES OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER SEWN INTO THE VERY FABRIC OF OUR BEING
alexalbon: well damn
georgerussell63: well damn? WELL DAMN? THAT'S IT YOU ARE NOT INVITED ON MY ANNUAL EASTER SUNDAY WALK AND BOUTIQUE EASTER EGG HUNT
landonorris: wow that'll really show him george
georgerussell63: LANDO WHAT THE FUCK WE NEED A UNITED FRONT
yourusername: babe this isn't trench warfare
georgerussell63: i thought you weren't getting involved this is a GALEX DISCUSSION
charles_leclerc: i thought this was a twitch quartet dicussion?
georgerussell63: maybe if you people MADE YOURSELF USEFUL IT WOULD BE
charles_leclerc: you know what i don't like your tone. i am very secure in my friendship with alex and am happy he has other thriving friendships especially with those who have recently joined the team and need the extra comfort
alexalbon: finally a normal person
user17: what is happening
user18: i think this is what the kids call losing your shit
user19: kinda feels like it's ended prematurely
alexalbon: he's at my door
user20: oh? should we like maybe be afraid?
yourusername: WHY AM I LIVING IN THE SHINING RIGHT NOW DOES HE HAVE AN AXE?
landonorris: hold on .... why are you there?
yourusername: george russell is at the door screaming for justice potentially wielding a weapon and that's what you took from that?
landonorris: ummm yes? there's something weird going on here
oscarpiastri: i'm also here
logansargent: me too (PLEASE SEND HELP)
user21: well wasn't that just ... delightful
landonorris
liked by maxverstappen1, alexalbon and 903,788 others
tagged: oscarpiastri & yourusername
landonorris: this whole grid kid thins has gotten out of control why is this kid being treated better than ME in my OWN HOME
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user24: how could lando be angry look how pookie oscar is
oscarpiastri: this is what i'm sayingggggg
yourusername: so fuck me i guess
user24: babe that's alex's job
yourusername: you right
user25: HOLD ON PEOPLE IS THAT Y/N/ALEX CRUMBS ???
user26: quick add it to the spreadsheet
alexalbon: there's a spreadsheet?
user26: we don't fuck around about your hypothetical relationship with y/n
alexalbon: that much is clear (send it my way asap)
yourusername: talking about favouritism in the norris household as if i have not lived with this for MY ENTIRE LIFE
landonorris: booooooo let me complain (did you or did you not get your weird kids from my career favouritism in the family)
yourusername: don't weaponise my children against me
landonorris: but they're so annoying oscar is eating all of the ROAST POTATOES THIS IS THE NORRIS FAMILY DINNER EVERYONE KNOWS THE ROASTIES ARE MINE
oscarpiastri: not anymore :P
landonorris: choke
oscarpiastri: don't make me call my dad
landonorris: call him up i'll beat his ass at this point I CAN SEE YOU TAKING ANOTHER POTATO
oscarpiastri: @alexalbon :(
alexalbon: keep my kid's name out your fucking mouth
landonorris: excuse me?
yourusername: ugh that's so hot
landonorris: EXCUSE ME?
user27: well .... add it to the spreadsheet?
landonorris: i'm so close to blocking all of you
yourusername: i thought you loved alex :(
landonorris: not that much
alexalbon: i see....
landonorris: NO I'M SORRY I TAKE IT BACK I LOVE YOU ALEX (YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAGGING MY SISTER HYPOTHETICAL OR NOT)
yourusername
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tagged: landonorris
yourusername: silverstone babyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i hope my home treats my boys right
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user28: i would give a kidney to be there for real
user29: you might have to the prices at that race are INSANE
landonorris: finally the home race which means you actually have to root for me
yourusername: ehhhhhhh
landonorris: girl i did not get much sleep last night wtf do you mean EHHHHH
yourusername: alex is a london boy
georgerussell63: once again fuck george i guess
yourusername: you didn't give me time !!!!
georgerussell63: were you actually going to say it?
yourusername: no ❤️
landonorris: right george i think it's time to unionise against y/n and alex
yourusername: the fuck do you (do we?) know about unionisation babe our family are the capitalist machine
user30: so like when are we getting the full albon pets meetup with sausage?
alexalbon: you always treat me right
yourusername: only the bestest for you
alexalbon: oh wow i'm blushing
yourusername: i can make you do a lot more than that
landonorris: do you mind?
yourusername: LET ME FLIRT IN PEACE GOD I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING
alexalbon: yeah let y/n flirt with me in peace
logansargent: he's giggling and swinging his feet - we might even get a skip away
alexalbon: sue me
user31: alex and y/n being so tired of lando is so true
oscarpiastri: they match each other's freak and they really need to let that freak flag fly
logansargent: as they should i need to post some of the cute pictures of them my phone storage is suffering
landonorris: i'm throwing my phone out of the window
user32: confirmation? CONFIRMATION?
alexalbon
liked by georgerussell63, maxverstappen1 and 1,359,086 others
tagged: yourusername
alexalbon: bro my nurse is hot as fuck
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user32: bro nearly died and THIS IS WHAT HE POSTS
user33: is it insensitive for me to celebrate that they're together on a post just hours after he was in a massive crash
yourusername: probably but we'll take the compliment regardless
georgerussell63: let it be known i'm annoyed that this is how i found out about this relationship but i'm so glad you're okay and that you had your person with you as support
alexalbon: my person awwwww georgie you're such as softie, but thank you i'm all good
yourusername: i knew you loved me really georgie
georgerussell63: i'll come round to this i guess
yourusername: so no more morning visits with weapons
georgerussell63: THERE WERE NO WEAPONS
alexalbon: you called me many mean words and sometimes words are our biggest weapons
georgerussell63: shut the fuck up
yourusername: that's not very peace, love and kindness he nearly died russell change up your tone
user34: YESSSSSSSSS WE CAN FINALLY SEE THE TRUE POWER OF THE ALEX/Y/N SASS
user34: also obviously very happy alex is okay
user35: i fear we as a fandom do not have our priorities in check
landonorris: i wouldn't leave the hospital if i were you
alexalbon: is that a threat?
landonorris: very much so
maxverstappen1: he's serious i'm literally holding him back (it's not hard he's like a gremlin)
landonorris: A GREMLIN WHO HAS BEEN GIVEN WATER
yourusername: but i thought you loved alex? surely this is the least offensive option on the grid?
alexalbon: awwwwww babe
maxverstappen1: i'm really not sure thats the compliment you think...
landonorris: NO I DO LOVE ALEX BUT NOT LIKE THIS
yourusername: it could be worse, you're besties with alex - i could've gotten with carlos or pierre!
carlossainz55: excuse me?
pierregasly: what did i ever do to you?
yourusername: whores ❤️
landonorris: true they are whores
alexalbon: and i'm a big ol family man
landonorris: you keep that to yourself
oscarpiastri: get well soon dad
logansargent: we love you !!!
yourusername: don't think we've forgotten about you exposing our relationship....
alexalbon: but we love you anyway
yourusername
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tagged: alexalbon
yourusername: f1 cars are too dangerous actuallyyyyyyyyyyy you're all BANNED
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user36: finally some good fucking food
user37: i feel like we've been waiting for this relationship for so long i expect a wedding invitation at this point
alexalbon: yeah soz only the girl with the spreadsheet is getting an invite
user26: SCORE
alexalbon: well aren't we just the cutest couple in the world
yourusername: i fear we are
yourusername: and if any of you hoes try and comment any dumb shit like "us erasure" i'll break your toes
georgerussell63: oh! okay...
maxverstappen1: sure i guess so...
charles_leclerc: i'll let you have your moment for now
landonorris: i'm single but i want to be involved
user38: the lipstick print... i'm weak
user39: they already made me feel lonely before we got confirmation i think i might need to redownload hinge
landonorris: ugh i guess you guys are kind of cute
yourusername: of course we are one of us is a norris
landonorris: TRUE 💅🏻
alexalbon: ??? so you don't want to kill me anymore?
landonorris: no i guess not
landonorris: also max put a bell on my chain and my fingers are too fat to open the clasp so i can't sneak out to kick your ass
maxverstappen1: he really is an overgrown toddler
alexalbon: also your 5'2 ass is not beating mine
landonorris: i am NOT 5'2 i am 5'10 at the least
yourusername: girl you're maybe 5'5 and i WILL be getting my lick in if you fight alex - revenge for all those hair pulls all those years ago
landonorris: i'd say stop defending alex but you've always done that... i should've known
user40: so y/n really wasn't lying when she said she didn't have to hide anything from lando cause he doesn't pick up on anything 😭
landonorris: sorry i'm not actively looking for clues about my sister's sex life
alexalbon: bro i am in love with your sister lets frame this better
yourusername: hehehheheeehehhehe
landonorris
liked by maxverstappen1, logansargent and 1,874,036 others
tagged: alexalbon & yourusername
landonorris: i guess i always did say that i wanted alex as a bigger brother, be careful for what you wish for kids
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user41: FINALLLLY
logansargent: you're telling me we've BEEN waiting
oscarpiastri: i kinda miss having a secret like what do i hold over lando now?
landonorris: DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH PIASTRI
oscapiastri: okay babe
landonorris: you really take after your mum and it scares me
yourusername: you shouldn't have such good friends that i just can't help falling in love with so really this is your fault
landonorris: sure.... but you have a good point, i'm very happy it's alex of all people
yourusername: you've really come round fast since you realised that we'll pay for your stuff whenever we go out
landonorris: what can i say stuff tastes better when it's free
alexalbon: you literally make double what y/n and i make
landonorris: and i'm the younger sibling so you should TREAT ME BETTER
user42: yeah we all knew lando was the younger sibling but he's giving massive annoying baby brother vibes
alexalbon: and he wonders why we prefer oscar and logan
landonorris: i'm just going to pretend i didn't see that
alexalbon: but for real lando, thanks for being the most annoying norris and having such a lovely and cool (and smoking hot) sister - i appreciate it!
yourusername: i love you too babe
alexalbon: don't worry you'll get to drop the last name soon
yourusername: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
yourusername: i can't wait to be mrs. albon
landonorris: blocked.
user43: i can't believe we got the conclusion to the lando alex poster storyline
landonorris: it wasn't exactly the conclusion i thought it would be but i'll take it
yourusername: you love us really
alexalbon: really you were just manifesting this for like ten years
fin.
note: here's a wee post from brother's bff before the race because i need somehtign to distract me from my horrible NERVES - ENJOY!
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