#maybe...going back to school is closer than i thought. i would certainly like to

[farlooms]

tbh these past couple weeks have been really...peaceful. i feel a sense of levity and im a lot more calm typically. i feel really lax and free-feeling now. maybe its just because i love winter, and with things getting consistently cold here i dont have to worry about thermoregulating as much. maybe its my internship. maybe its because things at home have been....moderately normal. its still not great, and far from perfect, and i want out the second i can, but its the closest to normal its ever been. im the closest to normal ive ever been.

[pedantic-poison]

Delicious | LN4

pairing: fem sainz!reader x lando norris

genre: SMUTTTTT, 18+ MINORS DNI, p in v, fingering, light choking, use of pet names (darling, baby, sweetheart, good girl, etc), cream pie, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it y'all!!!!), language, hold the moan vibes, dirty talk, Lando being a hoe

requested: yes!

word count: 3.9k

author's note: i LOVE me some brother's best friend trope

When your older brother first joined McLaren, you were unbelievably proud of him, so, naturally, you moved heaven and earth to make it to his first race with the team. Meeting Lando, you finally understood why all of Carlos' stories from before the season started were about his new teammate, and how much he made him laugh. He was friendly to you, and kind, and had a knack for making sure you never felt out of place. He also made your chest go a little tight, but you chose to ignore that feeling. Best not to complicate things for your brother.

It's been years since you first met Lando, and you can't quite use that excuse to convince yourself you need to avoid Lando. You still try, certainly, but it doesn't really carry the weight it used to, not with Carlos at Ferrari now. Would it still be messy? Maybe. Would it be a complete shit show? ...Probably not, right?

That little tendril of doubt created just enough space for that weird feeling Lando elicited to bloom. And now, with the Summer break giving Carlos time off, he's invited Lando to your family's home, for an entire week.

"Morning," the sound of Lando's voice snapped you out of your thoughts. As if it wasn't already bad enough that he was staying in your house, now Lando had the audacity to show up in the kitchen, voice gravely from sleep, with a pair of gray sweatpants hanging low enough on his hips to show the V-line of his muscles there. Your eyes trailed up his torso, allowing yourself to indulge in his tan skin and taut muscles for just a moment, before your gaze met his. A knowing look danced across his face, eyes glinting with mischief, as he smirked at you over his mug of coffee.

"Oh, um, good morning," you coughed out, embarrassed at having been caught. "How'd you sleep?" you managed to force out.

Lando took his time, finishing his sip of coffee before answering, "Slept alright. Couldn't fall asleep for a while, for some reason, though." You couldn't quite decipher the look on his face while he said it, but he didn't give you enough time to overthink it. "You?"

Your face heated immediately at the reminder of what exactly you'd been doing last night, instead of sleeping. "F-fine, thanks." It had been four long days where Lando had made himself seemingly unavoidable. Even at night, when you could close your door to the rest of the house, and lock yourself away, your thoughts strayed back to Lando no matter what you did. Last night, the ache in your core had gotten so unbearable that you'd touched yourself to the thought of him. It seemed that even the walls of your room couldn't quite keep Lando out.

"What's got you thinking so hard over there, Sainz?"

You schooled your expression, refusing to let him throw you off balance again. "Wouldn't you like to know, Norris." The coffee mug in your hands hid your face rather well as you lifted it to take a sip, leveling him with a look that you hoped seemed like a challenge.

Pushing off the counter he'd been leaning against, Lando took a step closer to you. "I really, really would, actually."

You allowed yourself to lean in for just a moment, inhaling the smell of him, before pulling back. "Too bad." Chair legs scraping against the floor as you pushed away from the table, standing and taking your mug and book with you.

"Oh, come on! You're really gonna tease me like that?" he whined, shouting at your back as you headed up the stairs.

"Gotta make you work for it, Norris!" you called back, retreating into your room once again, giddier than you'd care to admit, and telling yourself that you'd only left because you had work to do. Certainly not because you weren't sure how much longer you'd be able to hold on with Lando under the same roof.

Just three more days.

The loud splashes and laughter from outside drew your attention away from your book, for what felt like the hundredth time in two minutes. Sighing exasperatedly, you rolled over on your bed, craning your neck up to look out of your window.

Carlos and Lando were in the pool in the backyard below you, squealing like little kids as they hit each other with water balloons. You rolled your eyes at the childish behavior, even as you fought (and failed) to keep a smile off of your lips. You heard your father's voice ring throughout the house, and Carlos and Lando must've heard it too, because they quickly dropped their makeshift weapons at the call that they needed to get cleaned up for dinner. Your parents weren't terribly strict, but even they preferred for everyone at their dinner table to be fully clothed and not dripping everywhere.

Just as you'd made your way out of your room to head downstairs, you froze, finding a sopping wet Lando Norris in the hallway. Even after you (accidentally) ogled him this morning, you couldn't manage to keep your eyes on his as you watched the way the droplets of water fell off the ridges of his chiseled chest and torso. You hadn't quite noticed how close you'd come to running into each other, barely a foot of space between you, that seemed to shrink more and more the longer you stared. And you weren't the only one. The sundress you wore hung off your body in a way that made Lando want to memorize every line and curve of it himself. Looking wasn't enough - he'd always been more of a hands-on learner, anyways. And the way the gentle breeze swirled the skirt of it around your hips and legs made him want to find out if you were wearing anything underneath it. Made him want to rip anything he found there off with his teeth.

"Hermanita! Lando! Dinner in twenty minutes!" Carlos shouted up, from the sound of it in the kitchen, most likely helping your parents like the doting son he was. Helping, unlike you. Standing in the hallway, now only inches from Lando, chest rising and falling erratically as you tried to convince yourself that you should not fuck your brother's friend and former teammate in your parents' house with your entire family downstairs.

"Twenty minutes," Lando breathed, barely above a whisper. He took a final step forward, mouth painfully close to touching yours as his spread into a mischievous grin. "I can work with that."

His lips crashed into yours, hands gripping your face delicately as he did so, moving only after yours landed in his hair. Lando finally, finally, got his hands on those hips that had been torturing him, tempting him, for years, squeezing as he pulled you into him. Your fingers raked through his curls, tugging gently as you pushed him backwards into your room. He went willingly, grinning into the kiss at your enthusiasm as you kicked the door shut behind you, letting you take charge for the time being and falling to the bed when the backs of his knees hit it, hands dragging down your thighs as he went. For a moment, you paused, taking in the way Lando was looking up at you. Adoring. Reverent. Hungry.

His hands on your thighs urged you forward to straddle him, sliding his grip up your back to pull your torso flush with his. "God, these fucking tits," he groaned, squeezing you harder into his chest before sliding his hands around to your front, cupping them harshly. Through lidded eyes, you watched his hands, large, nimble, and veiny, knead your breasts while he hummed appreciatively, unable to look away from your chest for even a moment. "Been waiting to get my hands on you for so long, sweetheart," he heaved, speaking into your skin as his lips trailed over your exposed chest, just under your collarbone, punctuating the statement with a final, firm squeeze of your tits.

Before you could finish the whine building in you at the loss of his hands, Lando had yanked down the flimsy straps of your sundress, allowing your tits to spill out over the neckline. Lando swears he could come from that sight alone. "You're so gorgeous," he muttered, more to himself than to you, before looking back into your eyes, "so fucking gorgeous." His lips found yours again, stealing your breath as one hand reached up to ghost over your nipple, already sensitive and hardening from the cool air in your room, while the other lowered to rest on your waist, gently urging you to rock your hips against him at your own pace. "So," his kisses now landed on your jaw, "so," your neck, "beautiful. I think it might actually kill me," gently nipping at your pulse point before soothing the tender skin with his tongue.

Your breath had grown shallow from the attention he paid to your neck and chest, hitching as he tweaked your nipple just right, almost harsh enough to be painful but light enough to make you crave more. But what caused your breath to quicken was the feeling of Lando under you. Those strong, muscled thighs, bracketed by your own, felt so firm you couldn't stop your mind from wondering how they would feel if you ground yourself against them. The way they tensed as he moved, or restrained himself from moving as he tried to let you set the pace, felt so delicious against your thighs and through layers of fabric, you can't imagine how they would feel flexing against your core. Delicious as those thoughts were, they would have to wait for another time, because nothing was more tempting than the press of his hard cock against you, straining at the material of his swim trunks, the remaining water of the pool dampening your already wet panties.

"Shh, sweetheart, we've got to be careful," Lando startles you, the hand that had been on your tits gently closing over your mouth, and only then did you realize just how much noise you'd been making. Your cheeks heated at the realization, feeling your breath catching in your throat, rapid and uneven, whimpers and whines and a whole host of other, embarrassing sounds trapped beneath the firm press of Lando's large hand. You were so worked up that even that thought, the sheer size of his palm against you, how those thick, nimble fingers would feel between your thighs, made you whine louder, hips speeding up as you sought some kind of friction. Lando's eyes darkened as you ground yourself onto him, harder, faster, hand tightening around your waist and thighs flexing underneath you. He was holding back, you could tell, his restraint hanging by a thread, and every move you made threatened to fray that thread to its breaking point.

You wanted to make him snap.

There would be another time to savor this, to take your time, to memorize every inch of him, later.

You raised one of your hands from his broad shoulders, gripping the hand that covered your mouth and tapping twice. Immediately, Lando removed his hand, eyes filling with concern that he'd done something wrong, but before he could ask you were already whining again.

"Please, Lan," you begged, hips pressing down as harshly as you could manage. "Need you so bad, please, please," your voice was thin and breathy, and if you weren't nearly delirious from finally having this, having him, within your grasp, you might've been embarrassed by it. "Don't tease me, I c - can't take it."

Lando's head fell back with a groan, making no effort to silence himself as he did with you. "Fuck, darling, you want me that much, huh?" You nodded eagerly, hips continuing their grind as you felt Lando's cock twitch beneath you. "Such a desperate little thing, aren't you?" he asked, latching his mouth on the flesh of your breast, sucking a harsh mark into the delicate skin. Low enough that your family wouldn't be able to see, you realized, but dark enough that you'd have a reminder of him on your skin for the next few days. The thought made you flush with heat. The sudden bite of Lando's teeth on your tit shocked you out of your haze. "I asked you a question, sweetheart."

You blinked down at him, bleary eyed, "W-what?"

His grin was wicked as he looked up at you, "Aw, poor baby's already going cock dumb and I haven't even fucked you yet." Your cheeks heated, and he didn't give you the time to gather yourself enough to formulate a comeback. "I asked if you were a desperate little thing for me? You desperate for me to fuck you stupid, darling?"

A whine escaped your lips, unbidden, at his words, and the look in his eyes told you he wouldn't let you deny its cause. "God, yes, Lan, yes I'm so desperate for you, want you to fuck me so bad, I - fuck -"

The sensation of his fingers sliding your thong to the side scrambled your brains again, scattering any thoughts you'd managed to gather. The rough, calloused pad of his thumb brushed over your clit, and your body rocked violently into his hold, chasing the pleasure. "Keep talking to me, sweetheart, tell me what you want. Tell me all the filthy things my pretty little girl wants me to do to her," he whispered into your ear, lips going back to attacking your neck.

"W-want - want you to - ah- fuck me with your fingers, think about those p-perfect hands all the - fuck - t-time, want your thick fingers in me before you fuck me, Lando," you moaned out, pushing through even though your whines threatened to interrupt you.

"Good girl," he purred, sliding his middle finger through your folds, moaning into your neck at the feel of you. "So fucking wet f'me, darling, fuck," his left hand tweaked your nipple, as his right slowly sank a finger into you. The sound he let out was almost animalistic as he felt you clenching around him, reacting to the stretch that even one of his fingers made you feel. "Holy shit, you're so tight, baby," he lifted his head to be level with yours, wanting to watch your face as he touched you. "How am I gonna fit my cock into this tight little pussy of yours if you can barely take one of my fingers?"

The only answer you could give him was a needy moan, one that had his left hand going back up, not to cover your mouth, but to rest on your throat. "Shh, remember, sweetheart, you don't want your parents to hear us, do you?"

You shook your head fiercely, but immediately lost your train of thought again as Lando began to pump his finger in and out of you, slowly to let you adjust. His thumb landed firmly back on your clit, and the way he curled his long, thick fingers had him reaching a spot inside of you you'd never managed to reach before.

"What else do you want me to do, darling? Don't tell me you've already gone brainless? I've barely gotten started with you."

"Want more, Lan, want you to stretch me with your fingers so you can fuck me, want to feel you - oh, god," you barely managed to catch yourself before you screamed at the feeling of Lando pushing another finger into you. Even though he was aided by your wetness, Lando slowed his pace as he let you adjust again, easing into you as gently as possible as he maintained his circles on your clit.

"Want to feel me what, sweetheart?" he encouraged, curling his fingers to that same spot, this time hitting it hit his index and middle fingers and making your brain short circuit.

"Want to - Lan - w-want, I, fuck," you babbled, head falling to the crook of Lando's shoulder as you struggled for words.

"Come on, now, darling, be a good girl and tell me what you want. You do want to be a good girl f'me, don't you?" He chuckled lightly at how quickly you nodded, head staying buried in his neck.

"I- I want t-to feel you in me, feel your cock in me, feel you stretch me out with it, f-feel you fill me up - stuff me full with you, with your cum, leave me dripping with it."

The hand on your throat tightened harshly, briefly, before both of Lando's hands were off you and working on his swim trunks. "Jesus christ, baby, you've got a dirty little mouth on you. Such a perfect fucking girl for me, darling, such a dirty little thing, god you're perfect," he mumbled the praises into your mouth, stopping every so often to kiss you tenderly, hungrily, as his hands made quick work of the tie on his swim trunks, pulling them down enough to let his cock spring free. Your eyes widened involuntarily at the sight of it slapping against his stomach, the hard muscles of his abs and the red, leaking tip of his cock mesmerizing you.

You lifted your hips, allowing Lando to yank you closer to him until you hovered just over his cock, both of your hands bracing against his shoulders as one of his went under your dress to guide his cock through your folds.

"You want me to fuck you, sweetheart?"

"Yes, please Lan, please, ple-"

You had to cover your mouth with your own hand this time, the stretch of his cock making your eyes water, tears springing from them. Lando stared straight into your eyes as he sank you down onto his cock, bottom lip trapped between his teeth in a feeble attempt to silence himself. Both of his hands landed on your hips, gripping harshly as he held himself back from fucking up into you right away.

"God, baby you're so tight, you have such a perfect little cunt," he panted, eyes fixed on yours, not wanting to miss a single expression on your face. Finally, he bottomed out, the slow glide of his cock in you heavenly, fingers flexing against you as he forced himself to be patient.

A weak whimper left you despite the hand over your mouth as you slowly rose up, dropping harshly back onto Lando's cock and digging in your fingers at the sensation.

"Fuuuuuuuck," Lando ground out, hips bucking slightly up into you as you sank back down on him again.

It didn't take long for your legs to begin to shake, pace faltering as you grew tired. "Lando," you breathed out, head nestled in the crook of his neck again.

"Yes, darling?" His voice was thin, reedy, telling you he was just as affected as you were, even if he was better at hiding it.

"Can't - can't," your own gasp interrupted you as the head of Lando's cock hit a particularly sensitive spot inside you. "Too tired, need you to - god."

Lando chuckled, chest rumbling underneath your forehead, "You need me to do it for you, baby? You already too fucked out to move?"

"Please," you whined, unable to muster any embarrassment at the desperation in your voice. He knew he did this to you. Why bother trying to hide it?

Something in your neediness got to him, hands sliding up to your waist and squeezing as he gave himself a better hold on you. "That's a good girl. Don't worry, sweetheart, I've got you."

He lifted you off his cock, before slamming you back down onto him, hips fucking up into you harshly. The feeling of him manhandling you with ease was nearly enough to make you come on its own, but that combined with the way he kept hitting that spot inside of you, over, and over, and over again? You were so close you felt like you were going to explode.

And Lando knew it, too. Could tell from the way your hands scrabbled for purchase on his muscular shoulders, the way your head went limp on his shoulder as you gave him complete control over your body, from the way you clenched around him, and when he dropped one of his hands to graze a thumb over your clit as he fucked up into you, you were helpless to do anything but collapse into his embrace as you rode out your high.

Lando continued to hold you up by your waist, limbs sluggish and heavy, as he chased his own high, spurred on by your whimpers of overstimulation. But what finally pushed him over the edge was the sound of your voice, wrecked and fucked out, whispering weakly in his ear, "Please, Lando, please fill me up."

He came with a groan that he tried to bury in your neck, nipping lightly at the skin as he came down, chest heaving and moving you with it since you still hadn't managed to regain control of your own body just yet. The feeling of him painting your walls made you whimper, unintentionally clenching around him again, which elicited a deep groan from him.

"You keep squeezing me like that, darling, and you're gonna get me hard again."

You giggled, which earned you a playful swat on the ass from Lando, chuckling along with you as he stroked your cheek tenderly, admiring you in your post-orgasm haze.

"Lan-"

"Dinner is ready! Hurry up and get down here, we're starving!" The sound of your brother's voice jolted both of you out of your stupor, matching looks of panic on your faces.

Before you could say anything else, Lando whispers, "We're talking about this later tonight, sweetheart." Placing a kiss on your cheek, Lando lifts you off of him, hissing at the feeling, and setting you on your bed next to him before getting up and running across the hall to his room.

After you managed to muster the strength to move, you quickly fixed your dress, trying to make sure that your face and hair weren't dead giveaways for just having had the best sex of your life. You rushed downstairs, blaming your breathlessness on having run to dispel your mother's concern, and sat down quickly, trying to avoid any questions about what had taken you so long.

A few seconds later, Lando joined you, sitting across from you, eyes burning into you in a way that made you shift in your seat. That turned out to be a huge mistake, because just as your brother passed you the salad, Lando's cum leaked out of you as you realized belatedly that not only had you not cleaned up, but you hadn't even put your panties back on. You froze, quickly shifting back and squeezing your thighs together in an effort to stop him from seeping out of you, and miraculously, none of your family seemed to notice.

But the way your eyes widened told Lando exactly what had happened.

When your parents asked how the dinner was, you stammered out some poor excuse of a response, not really knowing how to speak to your family with Lando's cum dripping out of you.

Lando shot you a wicked grin, winking quickly enough that no one else saw it, and stared right into your eyes as he answered.

"Delicious."

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Silent Treatment

SUMMARY: How would they react to you giving them the Silent Treatment?

CHARACTERS: Demon Brothers (Lucifer; Mammon; Leviathan; Satan; Asmodeus; Beelzebub & Belphegor)

TAGS: Fluff; GN Reader 

WORD COUNT: An average of 540 words per character.

COMMENTS: I remember I had this idea after reading that Mammon had stolen and sold something from MC. MC used STAY on him, but if he did that to me I would be so upset that I would want him to suffer more than that. And I thought about the silent treatment, which would certainly be his worst nightmare. And that's why I thought of making this post. Beel's part is the shortest, but you'll see why.

I hope you enjoy 🤫

CONTEXT: This takes place in the Original timeline and not Nightbringer. So, to make matters worse for them/him, you live with them in the House of Lamentation.

Your argument was probably about Lucifer working too much and you wanting to give him a break. But his stress mixed with pride made him deny this offer in a rather mean and perhaps even disrespectful way.

Does he not want you to bother him? Very well then. What if you never bother him again?

At home, you ignore him. He tries to talk to you, but seeing how stubborn you are he ends up giving up. But this is already bothering him a lot.

At school, if necessary, you will talk to him about importante matters related to RAD as if he were any other student at school. And that's it. Anything else outside of that, you will continue to ignore it.

And that just makes everything worse for him. To have YOU of all people talk to him like he was just any student?! Not only does this hurt his pride, but this small sample of conversation with you makes him miss you more and more. But he will continue to hide it.

The last straw will be at home, when he asks you something directly and you ask one of his brothers to answer for you. Bonus if it's someone from the Anti-Lucifer League. But he must have lasted two or three days without talking to you.

He will lure you to his office, where it all started. Maybe he'll tell you to go get some important papers. You won't see him inside, but as soon as you're close to the desk you'll hear the door closing and locking. And that's when you see him calmly walking down the office stairs to meet you.

“So you decided to give me the silent treatment.” Lucifer says as he walks down the stairs.

“Didn't you want me to leave you alone?” You say, still not looking at him.

“I never said that and you are perfectly aware of that.” He finishes down the stairs and walks over to you. “I just didn't want to rest because I needed to finish that.” You don't answer him again. He already knows what you think about that. Your back is to him and he stops right behind you. “*Sigh* I'm sorry. I know you only want me well. I was just... I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I promise that next time I will consider the break.”

His voice is sad, so you know he was being sincere. But you wanted to see how much he missed you, so you remained silent and with your back turned to him. And he knows you. He knows what you want. He sighs again, more deeply, as if you're making him admit something that hurts his pride.

“Please... I miss you...” You haven't turned around yet. That wasn't enough and it bothers him. You had his desk in front of you.

He rests his hand on the table, leaning on it, and leans in to bring his face closer to yours. “Now you're just teasing me, aren't you?” He was now with that smug on his face. And he sees you give a little smile, which was the sign he understood to move forward. He holds your chin and makes you face him. “You missed me too, didn't you?” he whispers near your lips “You little tease.” And he kisses you passionately and provocatively.

Mammon probably sold something of yours. Or maybe another things of yours. Of course, you hate it when he does that. So you decide to give him the silent treatment, because you know, you know perfectly well that he won't handle it. There is nothing else you can be so sure about as this.

The moment he realizes what you are doing, he collapses. The day wasn't even over yet. In fact, you were on break from classes.

He even gets kicked out of class for constantly trying to talk to you.

You know how much he hates being ignored and being ignored by you breaks his heart into pieces.

He wants to resolve this as quickly as possible, but not in front of his brothers. He waits for you to be alone in your room.

You hear a knock on your door and you ask who it is.

“It's me, the Great Mammon. I got your stuff back. All of them. Open the door and see.”

You decide to open the door, even if it was just out of curiosity and you see Mammon holding so many things that you can barely see his face. You can see your stuff that he sold and some gifts like a teddy bear, chocolates, clothes, accessories, your favourite nerd/geek/otako related stuff, etc... You let him in and put all that on top of your bed.

“I got it all back! But, um, you don't mind if some of them are new right? I also bought you more things. These are your favourite chocolates, right? And you really wanted this plush, didn't you?”

You remain silent, looking at him with your arms crossed. This already happened once and he sold your things again.

“I won't sell your stuff again, I promise. You can hit me with your stay if I ever do it again.”

You turn your back on him and go do something, like homework for example. You went back to ignoring him because he used that excuse before.

“Please hang me upside down like Lucifer, use your stay on me at full power, but please stop ignoring me.” he sounds desperate.

You sit at the table you have in the room behind the bed. Continuing to ignore him. The next scene you see is him kneeling next to you, his head at the same level as your thighs, and looking at you like a puppy with tears starting to come out of his eyes.

“Please. I never thought this was so bad. I can't stand not having you anymore. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. Damn it, I miss you yelling at me.” He places his chin on your thigh, looking at you. “Please, talk to me again~”

You can't take so much cuteness anymore. “Don't sell my stuff again! You hear me, you idiot?!”

His face lights up. "Am I forgiven?"

“Yes, for now you are.”

He gets up and hugs you, showering you with kisses. He won't leave you alone for the rest of the day.

Levi would hardly do anything that deserved the silent treatment. He practically idolizes you, he would never do anything to hurt you. So, something like this would definitely have been an accident.

He had arranged a date with you. But then an Ruri-chan's event came up and he ended up going to it instead of going to you. He got the dates wrong and thought the date with you was the next day.

And he only realized this mistake when the next day he sent you a message asking where you were and if you had forgotten about the date, and you replied that he was the one who forgot that the date had been the day before.

After that, you are bombarded with messages apologizing and saying how much of a complete idiot he is and doesn't deserve you. You don't respond anymore, which leaves him in a dilemma to decide whether to go to you or never see you again because you don't deserve to hear the excuses of someone as pathetic as him.

But he has to do it! He has to apologize to you in person! Even if it means you telling him to his face that you never want to see him again. He would deserve it anyway.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door. The moment you open the door, Levi kneels down and places his forehead on the floor.

“I am so sorry! I'm an embarrassment of a partner. I don't even deserve your forgiveness. But I needed to show you my regret.”

Maybe you were already feeling a little bad for him, but you were also curious to know how far your silence could take him. You turned away from the door, gesturing for him to enter your room.

He enters with mixed feelings, on the one hand he was afraid of what you could do if you wanted to punish him. On the other hand... wasn't he kinda into those things?

But no, you just sit on the bed and use your cell phone to send a message to Levi, asking why he missed the date the day before. You still needed to talk to him, but not yet with your voice that he loves so much. When he happily tells you that it was because of Ruri-chan's event, you look even more upset.

“N-N-N-N-NO WAIT! I'm so sorry! Exchanging you for anyone else, even Ruri-chan is unforgivable! I should have warned you. I wanted to tell you, but it was all so short notice.”

You still didn't say anything and even crossed your arms with a sulky expression. He kneels at your feet and gets so close to your legs that he could even hug them.

“I know that what I did was a complete betrayal, and a wretch like me doesn't deserve another opportunity, but please, just let me hear your voice one last time, even if it's to say that you hate me.”

And you finally break. You know he didn't do it out of spite and you've already punished him enough. You know you're practically torturing him at this point.

Regardless of how you say or show that you forgive him, he will praise you, maybe even cry and if you let him hug you, he will cling to you desperately.

Satan was probably on a bad day. A really bad day. That kind of day where anything irritates him, even you trying to calm him down. And he ended up saying what he would regret the moment you left his side: He told you to shut up.

And that's what you did, but for longer than he was expecting. He realized you were giving him the silent treatment when he came up to you to ask if the two of you could talk alone, so he could apologize to you, and you acted like he wasn't there. He was upset at first, but soon after he realized that that was exactly what led to this situation.

He won't try to talk to you in public again. He's prideful too. He'll wait until you two get home, and you are alone in your room.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door. When you open it, you see Satan with a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. Either they're your favourite flowers, or your favourite colour or anything he knows you would like.

“Would you allow me to speak to you, please?” He wasn't angry, he was sorry and you could see it in his eyes.

You don't answer, but you let him into your room. If you pick up the flowers, he'll be a little more relieved. But if not, he'll put them on the table and get a little more worried.

“I'm so sorry. I should never talk to you like that. I regretted my words the moment you walked out the door. I realize what you are doing, you are doing what I asked you to do, and it tears me apart. I'm not mad at what you're doing to me, I deserve it and worse.” He kneels in front of you and bows his head. “But please tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me. Because no words can mend the ones I used.”

If those words weren't enough for you and you're feeling like he deserves to "suffer" a little more for the way he treated you, you send him a message (he still doesn't deserve to hear your voice) saying that if he's really sorry about that, he could be your cat butler for a day.

He lifts his head and looks at you, blushing slightly. “With a condition: It will be for your eyes and your eyes alone! No making me go to the kitchen or something while any of my brothers is there!”

And if you agree, he will do it. Any request he will fulfill. If you tell him to end his sentences with "Nya" he will do it, partially embarrassed but partially enjoying it.

And at the end of the day, when you finally let him hear your voice again saying that you forgive him, but that you hope it doesn't happen again, he smiles, kiss your hands like a gentleman and asks permission to hug and kiss you again, after so long.

There's a good chance you decided to do this because you started seeing Asmo with more and more succubuses and incubuses.

Well, if he likes being with them so much instead of you, let's see what happens if you prefer to talk to the other brothers instead of him.

He starts the day with no idea what you've decided to do, so he compliments everyone, especially you. And the moment you don't greet him back he knows something is very wrong.

He cannot, nor does he want to, hide how devastated he already is. Of all the demon brothers he is the one who loves attention the most and not getting it from YOU is the worst thing that could happen to him.

In return, you will have ALL his attention. He won't leave you for a second. He needs to know what happened, even if he has to make a dramatic spectacle at your feet.

He will speak to you in the sweetest of voices, calling you all the affectionate names he knows of, even if he has to do so in other languages. Hon, honey, love, darling, Mon cher, mon amour, mi amor, amore mio...

If you just want to talk to him at the House of Lamentation, you'll have to ask the other brothers to basically be your bodyguards. Which will only make the situation worse for Asmo. And more fun for his brothers.

When you get home you tell one of the brothers to tell Asmo that when you are available to talk to him you will send him a message.

You were alone in your room when you sent the message to Asmo saying that you could "talk" in your room. Not a second had passed when he knocked on your door, almost as if he had been waiting in the hallway that entire time.

He’ll walk in like a happy puppy whose owner has finally opened the door for him. He will try to hug you, but you can't give in. You stray, cross your arms and looks in any direction other than at him.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” he asks in that cute, sad voice. “What could someone as cute as me have done to deserve this?”

To continue guarding your voice until he deserves to hear it, you write and send him a message. In it you talk about the succubuses and incubuses with whom he took a ton of photos and posted a bunch of stories, and it started to be much more than normal.

“Aww, my little sheep is jealous, that's so cute!” You turn your back to him. “HA! NO! Wait! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I thought you knew that you are the one I love the most in all three worlds. I love you almost as much as I love myself. I couldn't say no to my fans. Oh, I know! What if we spend a whole day together? What if we went on a special date? I can prepare everything! I'll reserve a table at your favorite restaurant. I can even buy you new clothes if you want.” You turned back to him, but still didn't say anything. “Pwease, talk to me again~ I'm sowwy~”

If you accept his apology and tell him so with your voice, he will hug you and kiss you al over your face. “Ahhh! I missed you so much~!”

Honestly, I can't imagine a single scenario where Beel would do something that would deserve the silent treatment. He's the type to apologize even if it's not his fault. Even if he ate something of yours, he would apologize in the next second.

So, most likely, you and Belphie were just curious to know how Beel would react. And this would probably happen after you had done this to everyone else but him and his brothers wanted to know how he would react.

At breakfast he greets everyone, but you're the only one who doesn't greet him back. And you already feel horrible because you can feel his sad gaze on you.

"(Y/N)? Is everything okay?" he asks in an already apologetic voice. You still don't answer him, and that hurts so much, poor thing.

The other brothers tell Beel to start eating otherwise everyone will be late. But he says he doesn't want to. And everyone looks at him in amazement, except you. He is looking at you and only you, no one else matters, not even the food.

“Are you angry with me? I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did this time, but I'm sorry. Did I eat something that was yours?” You still don't respond but you're almost at your breaking point. “(Y/N)?” He says your name in the cutest regretful voice that only he could do and you break down.

You turn to him and hug him, apologizing. You explain that he didn't do anything and explain that everything is fine. If you offer him the rest of your breakfast he will be very happy.

But he will be much closer to you for the rest of the day. It hurt him a lot and he just wants to make sure that everything was really okay. He will really like it if you two cuddle a little when your back home.

What could he do to make you mad at him? *cough* Lesson 16 *cough*. Anyway. There's a good chance he's been a little more selfish lately. Always wanting your free time to be spent with him, and try to convince you to fall into the temptation of laziness and exchange your responsibilities for him.

He needed to learn a lesson. He needed to value you more and realize that you are not a guarantee. Let's see what happens if he no longer has you.

He realizes something is wrong when you don't respond to him.

He tries to convince you to talk to him by being cute. That younger brother cuteness that he always uses against his brothers.

When he realizes that this isn't going to work, he isn't exactly going to give up. He will stop trying to convince you with words, yes. But he won't leave your side. He will be almost like a ghost behind you. At least until you all get home.

You'll have to lose him or convince his brothers to help you if you don't want him to follow you to your room the moment you get to the House of Lamentation.

If you manage to do this, you will be bombarded with messages until you finally respond saying he can come talk to you in your room.

He knocks on your bedroom door like he normally does. As soon as you let him in and close the door he will get extremely close to you, but he won't hug you no matter how much he wants to. He knows that could make the situation worse.

“So, what happened?” he asks close to your ear and in his calm voice. “Why are you upset with me?”

You poke your head in a gesture.

“Do you want me to think? To guess? *Sigh* Fine...” he says pouting sadly. “Um... I know you get upset because I make you late with your work. Sorry. I promise I'll stop being so pushy about that. But, you know I want to be with you.”

That was a good start, but it still wasn't enough for you. You had your back turned to him without speaking.

“You know, it really hurts to see you mad at me like this. I miss you.” and then it hits him. “Oh... that’s it, I miss you. I don’t think anyone likes to be seen as a guarantee, right? I'm sorry, for being so selfish with you. You always try to make me happy by giving in to my whims, I should do the same for you more often... I mean, I will do the same for you more often. I promise.” You turn to him, but still don't say anything. “um... What if... tomorrow, I have to give in to whatever whims you have? But go easy on me, okay?”

You accept the deal, and tell him so. He laughs, saying that he already missed hearing your voice so much. And if you let him, he'll hug you.

“We still have a lot of time until dinner, and I miss your cuddles. You're not going to say you didn't miss me too, right? Come on, just a few minutes. I promise I'll spoil you more than you spoil me, he he.”

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[sl-ut]

you should probably leave

pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x fem!reader

description: joel is enamoured by his new neighbour, but old patterns will always be his downfall.

warnings: UNEDITED, slight age gap, slight smut, implied unprotected piv, protected piv, swearing, alcohol consumption, insecurity, angst, reader is given a birthday (she's a sag like me)

words: 10.8K (my longest fic to date)

date posted: 14/03/23

part two

(inspired by you should probably leave by chris stapleton)

OCTOBER 12, 1998

The weather was something that she was unsure if she could ever get used to. For her entire life, she had spent the entirety of the late autumn months dreading the first snowfall of the season before lugging out her extensive collection of knitted sweaters and fur-lined boots. Instead, her little archive of winter clothing was left in a cardboard box in her childhood bedroom, along with the majority of her other belongings that she had not brought with her on her grand adventure–if you could even call it that. 

The University of Texas at Austin had not been her first choice of school, or her second, or third; she actually had never even imagined going to school any further than a few hours from her hometown in Pennsylvania, and yet there she was, standing in front of her brand-new home, sweltering under the harsh Texan sun as she struggled to unload her packed car all on her own. Well, to call it her home would be a pretty tight stretch, as well as to label it as “brand-new.” 

The small bungalow-style house had caught her eye on a flyer in the grocery store, a listing for one female roommate in a cul-de-sac not too far from the city. It wasn’t exactly her dream home by any means, with an ugly yellow exterior and a kitchen that could certainly use an updating, but it she had recently been forced out of her own apartment due to her previous roommate preferring her boyfriend to live their with her instead and it was the nicest of the few places within her price range that would also accommodate the mutt she’d rescued during her first year. All things considered, it was quite literally perfect for her situation–plus her new roommate seemed to have been at least more considerate of her boundaries than the last, which gave her some hope that things might actually work out. 

Y/n grunted at the weight of the box, cursing herself internally for enrolling in school and owning so many textbooks as she lugged it up the front steps, dropping it just inside the door. She couldn’t help but grimace as she glanced up, meeting the watchful gaze of Manny, his furry little head tilting curiously–likely wondering why she was making so much ruckus and interrupting his nap. 

“Lazy ass,” she muttered under her breath at him, kicking the box to the side before trudging back out the door.

The next few boxes were filled with clothes and shoes, fortunately for her spine. She hauled several out, dropping each of them to the pavement of the driveway carelessly as she wiped at her sweaty forehead, apparently too enthralled in the work to notice the beat up truck as it turned into the neighbouring driveway.

“Hey there,” she turned to find a young man, his hair combed back to expose his effortlessly charming face to her, “You need a hand?”

She glanced down at the boxes at her feet, “I wouldn’t wanna bother you.”

A young girl appeared at his side, wide eyes peering over at the older female curiously. The man shrugged, puffing out his broad chest as he moved. Y/n almost laughed at how obvious he was being, only seconds after meeting her. The man gave off the impression that he had always thought fairly highly of himself, probably the quarterback of the high school football team, maybe even involved in the armed forces–the navy, she was betting. He crossed the barrier between the two driveways in two long strides, extending his hand out to her as he came closer. 

“I’m Tommy,” he flashed her a grin, his accent coming out thicker than it probably would have normally. He glanced over his shoulder, motioning for the young girl to follow him into the neighbouring yard, “This is my niece Sarah.”

Y/n smiled politely, shaking his hand lightly, “Hi, I’m Y/n. I guess it’s nice to meet some of my new neighbours.”

“Well, Sarah, here, is your neighbour. Me, I live–”

“What happened to Stephanie?” Sarah interrupted, “I didn’t know she was moving.”

Y/n turned her attention to the young girl, “She isn’t, we’re just living together now.”

Sarah’s mouth formed an ‘o’, the gears visibly turning in her head as she formulated her next question, “Are you guys dating?”

“Sarah!” Tommy choked on his spit, “I’m sorry–”

“It’s okay,” Y/n chuckled at his response before turning back to the young girl, “No, we’re not. I guess she just didn’t wanna be living here all on her own anymore.”

Tommy’s shoulders relaxed, the mortified expression leaving his features in favour of one that she might have even considered relief. He shook his head at his niece, giving her a hard stare, “I’m sorry about her. I figured that she would have some better manners by now–my mistake.”

Sarah swatted at him, a pout appearing on her lips as her brows furrowed. The girl didn’t quite understand how the question may have been taken with offence by some, and was quite miffed by her uncle’s insult. 

“No, no, it’s okay,” Y/n affirmed, “I think it’s actually a good thing that she knows about that kinda stuff.”

Tommy glanced down at the boxes, clear discomfort appearing on his features, “Alrighty then, how about these boxes?”

Y/n gave in, offering Tommy one of the heavier of the three boxes, while shifting the smallest and lightest to the young girl, who had been adamant in helping out. She instructed them to just drop the boxes to the floor by the door, not looking to take up much more of their time. 

A loud gasp escaped Sarah, her wide eyes falling on the mutt, who had appeared to have been equally as excited to see her as he rushed over, tongue lolling out of his mouth and tail flapping wildly. Sarah squealed when he barrelled into her, a fit of giggles leaving her mouth as he brought her to the ground and began to cover her face in slobbery kisses.

“Manny!” Y/n groaned, grasping the dog’s collar and pulling away enough for Sarah to sit up off of the floor, “Sorry, he’s just convinced that everyone wants to be his friend.”

“I’ll be his friend!” Sarah beamed, reaching out and squishing the dog’s face in between her palms, “I mean… Can I?”

Y/n shrugged, “As long as it’s okay with your…” She glanced at Tommy for help, unsure about Sarah’s parentage situation. He’d already made it clear that he did not live next door, but had never explicitly stated who did.

“You’ll have to ask your dad, Sarah,” He chastised her, “Anyway, we should get out of your hair now, let you settle in.”

Y/n nodded, “Yeah, thank you for the help, though.”

“No problem, ma’am,” He winked, southern charm on full display as he stepped out onto the front step, “Anytime for a pretty girl like you. C’mon, Sar.”

Sarah begrudgingly offered the needy pup one more affectionate squeeze before following after her uncle, leaping off of the step and bounding across to her own front yard. Tommy paused, hand resting on the railing of the step and giving it a firm shake. His lips pursed into a line as he let out a small huh as the bannister shifted out of its place, then back in under the pressure. 

“Yeah, Steph said there were all kinds of little things wrong with the place,” Y/n noted, “But hey, if it’s got four walls and a roof, it’s good enough for me.”

He chuckled at her, shaking his head, “You know, my brother and I are contractors, we could come over and help you fix things up if you guys wanted.”

She hummed, “I’ll mention it to Steph. Wouldn’t wanna just start making changes to her house while she’s not here, would I?”

Tommy hummed, “‘Spose that’s true. Anyway, I should go see where she ran off to, but I sure hope I’ll be seeing you around.” He shot her a cheeky wink before jogging back over to the neighbouring yard, leaving her and Manny among the mess of boxes in the entryway. 

Y/n huffed, glancing around at the mess, then at the furry little beast at her feet, who waited patiently for her to begin offering him her love and attention. She rested her hands on her hips, shaking her head softly, “Well, let’s just get this done, boy.”

– – –

Joel grunted as he clambered in through the side door of his home, sighing in relief as he slipped out of his heavy work boots and dropped the armload of groceries onto the kitchen counter. He could hear the TV on in the living room, drowned out by Sarah’s yell of a greeting. He rushed to put away the groceries, sticking the brown paper bags in the recycling before stepping into the dimly lit sitting area. 

Tommy was reclined on the couch, slumped into the worn leather like a pile of mashed potatoes as he balanced his can of Budweiser on his bent knee. He nodded to his brother briefly as he lifted the beer to his lips, hardly taking his eyes off of the football game on the screen as Joel plopped down next to him. The older brother leaned forward, pressing a small kiss to Sarah’s head so as to not disturb her as she worked on her homework on the coffee table in front of the couch before finally copying his brother’s position.

“The hell took you so long? You left the site the same time I did, and I had to go pick this shithead up from school,” he playfully kicked at Sarah’s leg, “plus I helped your new neighbour move in.”

“Supermarket was a zoo,” Joel moaned as he ran his palm flat over his face, then furrowed his brow, “What new neighbour?”

Tommy nodded his head back in the direction of the mustard yellow house, “Chick next door got a new roommate.”

“Uncle Tommy was flirting with her,” Sarah chimed in, not taking her eyes off of the math textbook in front of her.

Joel rolled his eyes, “Now tell me why I’m not surprised.”

Tommy shook his head, taking another large gulp of beer, “I know what you’re thinking, but this girl’s different. She’s not from ‘round here. Not sure where, but she’s got an accent. Canada, maybe.”

“You know what a Canadian accent sounds like?” Joel scoffed, knowing that his brother was prone to drawing his own conclusions. 

“Well, no,” Tommy frowned, “But I imagine it might sound like that. Doesn’t matter, I think I’m gonna ask her out.”

Joel grunted in response, turning his eyes to the game on the screen.

“She wasn’t flirting back,” Sarah grinned up at the two men, her eyes lighting up at the sight of her father’s growing smirk and giggling as his own laughter came tumbling out. Tommy kicked her again, only this time with a little more force, “What? You invited yourself over there and were all,” She puffed her chest out and deepened her voice, “Anything for a pretty girl like you.”

Joel rested a palm on his belly as he shook with laughter, his other hand landing on the top of his daughter’s head affectionately as Tommy crossed his arms, sulking. 

“I think she was flirting back,” he argued.

“She wasn’t,” Sarah reaffirmed.

Tommy leaned forward, “Now how the hell would you know anything about flirting, huh? You been doin’ a lot of it at school?”

Her face burned in embarrassment, sputtering for a response, “No, that’s gross!”

Joel frowned at her, shaking his head in feign sternness, “You better not be. Otherwise I might need to break out grandpa’s old hunting rifle.”

She didn’t utter another word, simply gathering her things in her arms and rushing off to her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her as the laughter of her father and uncle followed her every step.

OCTOBER 17, 1998

Just under a week had passed since he’d first caught wind of his new neighbour, and Joel had yet to even see this woman. He’d noticed the new car in the driveway, and he’d picked up on the presence of the dog fairly quickly, especially after he’d caught Sarah tossing some of the vegetables from her dinner over the fence for him. Joel hadn’t paid it much mind, he was far too busy to be concerned with some young girl who didn’t seem to be causing much issues. 

He’d had words with Stephanie several times in the past; once for blatantly smoking pot on 

her front step when they were heading out for the day, then for leaving her garbage bin too close to his driveway, causing him to back into it and scratch the paint on his truck, and then once more when she’d had a little get together that ended up lasting until 4am, when the police arrived. He would normally have called himself a narc for having the party shut down, but it was keeping Sarah awake and the door had been shut in his face when he went over to ask politely. 

The day had been long, and normally he would have refused Tommy’s invitation to head over to one of the local dive bars, but after dealing with the shit-show that had gone on at the job site that day, he really needed a drink. Sarah was out of the house, anyway, having slept over at a friend’s house, so there was quite literally nothing keeping him away.

“Brother’s night, my ass,” Joel grumbled into his glass, glancing over to the corner booth, where his brother had joined a pretty brunette, leaving Joel to himself at the barside. He waved at the bartender, motioning for another top-up of his whiskey. 

A figure appeared at his side, leaning onto the bartop to call out to the bartender. Joel glanced over, his eyes raking over her radiant side profile in awe. He shot his gaze back to the glass of amber liquid in front of him, then briefly over to the girl once more. His eyes narrowed in on her pursed lips, noting how her brows furrowed in frustration as the bartender migrated to the other side of the bar. She turned to him suddenly, and Joel whipped his head back around to ensure that he wouldn’t appear to be some creep–though he was positive he certainly had been.

“Is it always like this here?” She asked him, tilting her head. “I swear, I’ve gone to three different spots along this bar, and buddy keeps looking in the other direction.”

He cleared his throat, “You not from around here?”

She smiled sheepishly, “Is it that obvious?”

Joel chuckled, “Just a little. You gotta get his attention, be firm. Here,” he tucked his index finger and thumb into his mouth and let out a loud whistle, nodding at the bartender as he rushed over. 

“Two vodka crans, please,” The girl smiled prettily at the bartender, then scoffed as he turned to begin pouring the drinks, “Shit, I guess I could stand to learn a thing or two.”

“It comes with time,” He frowned, realising that he may have implied that he was at the bar every other night, “I mean, not that I’m–”

She touched his arm softly, electricity running through her fingertips and into his bicep, “Hey, I’m not here to judge you if you’re not here to judge me, heh?”

He nodded, opening his mouth to speak once more when another figure appeared at her side. His smile dropped, taking in the sight of his next door neighbour, probably one of the last people he wanted to see on his night off.

“What the fuck is taking you so long–oh,” Stephanie narrowed her eyes at the older man, who simply turned and took another long swig of his whiskey, “Hello, Joel.”

“Stephanie,” he drawled, “How you doin’ tonight?”

She smirked at him maliciously, “Fine. Y/n, this is the guy I was telling you about.”

Oh, this is Y/n, he thought to himself, suddenly understanding Tommy’s instant interest in the girl. 

“All good things, I hope,” he sighed into his glass.

She shook her head, “Oh, just that you’re the neighbour from hell, and that you’re a narc.”

Y/n tucked her bottom lip in between her teeth, visibly uncomfortable at the confrontation. His eyes fell to her mouth at the movement, wondering what it might feel like to take that same lip in between his own teeth. 

“You keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night, Steph,” he huffed, praying to any god that would listen that she hadn’t completely turned Y/n against him.

Stephanie sneered at him, grasping one of the drinks from the bartop and stomping off, leaving a thick tension over the remaining two. Joel met Y/n’s gaze once again, noting the visible embarrassment on her face as she began to laugh slowly.

“Sorry about her,” She laughed nervously, “For the record, I know that she’s a little dramatic.”

“‘T’s fine,” Joel grumbled, swallowing the last gulp of whiskey, “You ain’t gotta apologise for her, she can feel however she wants about me.”

Y/n chuckled, a genuine one this time and Joel couldn’t help but carve the melodious sound into his memory, “I’m Y/n, by the way.”

He nodded, accepting the soft handshake that she offered, “So I’ve heard.” He noticed the slight furrow of her brow before he clarified, “I’m Sarah’s dad.”

Realisation crossed her face, “Oh, Sarah! She’s a real sweetheart.”

“Yeah, she is,” he smiled softly at the complement, “She sure likes you, and I’m assuming that it’s your pup that I’ve caught her feeding her broccoli to?”

Y/n giggled at him, “Huh, I’d noticed that he was especially gassy lately. Here I was thinking it was something in the water.”

Joel let out a loud laugh, then realised that he had not actually introduced himself, “Shit. Sorry, I just–” he coughed, “I’m Joel.”

“So I’ve heard.” She repeated to him, clearing her throat before turning to gaze at him through her lashes with a soft smile, “So Joel, is this seat taken?”

– – –

Y/n had not expected to have enjoyed herself quite so much when Stephanie forced her to go to the grubby little saloon, feeling incredibly out of place among all of the southerners. She had been hesitant to leave Manny on his own so soon after moving in, but the last thing that she had wanted to do was get on Stephanie’s bad side so early on. Then, she’d stumbled upon the devastatingly handsome man sitting all on his own at the bar, and her tune changed drastically. 

She sat on that stool for the better part of two hours after Stephanie had fucked off, leaving them to become acquainted with one another. Joel had offered her another drink, which she accepted under the terms that she would buy the next round, and against his better judgement, he found himself doing a shot of tequila with her as well. She smirked to herself when she took note of the flush that had crawled into his cheeks, and how cheerful his dark chocolate eyes looked under the dim lighting of the bar. 

Y/n had noticed Tommy in the corner booth, and how he had been blatantly pressing his southern charm onto the brunette under his arm in the very same way that he had to her, which made her feel much better knowing that he couldn’t possibly be that upset about her doing the exact same to his brother. 

Her hand had come to rest on his knee, leaning across to invade his personal space animatedly as she spoke, her own cheeks flushing each time that he grinned or laughed at her words, and she had lost count of the amount of times that she had rubbed her thighs together or considered smashing her lips to his. 

Tommy appeared at his side, clutching his shoulder in his firm grasp, “Hey Joel, you think you’re ready–oh, hey, Y/n.” His cheeks had turned red, one hand self-consciously rising to rub at his cheek, where the stark red lipstick stain had once acted as a trophy and was now an admission of guilt. Tommy pursed his lips, “Wasn’t expecting to see you here tonight.”

She shrugged, “Steph forced me out.”

He nodded awkwardly, unsure of how to save himself in this situation. 

Y/n turned her head, catching sight of her roommate’s drunken attempt to seduce the bouncer before turning her attention back to the older of the two brothers, squeezing his knee once before sliding off of the stool, “Speaking of, I should probably leave, she’s gonna get us banned from here any minute now. It’s been nice, talking to you, Joel. See you, Tommy.”

Both men watched as she disappeared into the crowd, eyes trailing after her figure longingly.

Tommy huffed, “You think I still got a chance?”

Joel’s shoulders shook in a drunken fit of giggles, lifting his own hand to proudly show off the nine digits that had been marked into his skin, “Nope.”

Tommy’s jaw dropped, clear disappointment on his features before it was quickly replaced by pride, “Well fuck, brother. Didn’t think you had it in you.”

OCTOBER 31, 1998

Y/n wiped at the sweat on her brow, breathing picking up in delight as she turned the corner and the blinding yellow house came into sight. The sun had already begun to set by the time that she and Manny had set out on their evening walk, now settling low on the horizon and casting a golden hue to the world below it as Manny tugged on his leash, obviously also desperate to escape the heat. 

A loud honk sounded from behind her, muffled slightly by the music playing over her bulky headphones, drawing her attention to the dark pickup truck as it sped past, Sarah hanging out the back window with a grin on her face as she waved dramatically. Y/n chuckled at the young girl, allowing Manny to lead her into a faster pace as they grew closer to their house.

She slid the headphones down to rest around her neck, pressing pause on her walkman as Sarah rushed towards them. The girl paid very little mind to the woman holding the leash, instead dropping to her knees and reaching out for the excited dog’s face, laughing as he began to lick enthusiastically at her cheek. 

“Hi,” her gaze rose to find Joel as he rounded the bed of the truck, hand resting on the top of the tailgate as he tried his best to look casual, “sorry, this one never shuts up about that dog.”

Y/n smiled at him, warmth flooding through her cheeks. She’d only actually spoken to Joel a handful of times since that night at the bar, mostly simple greetings while Sarah occupied herself with Manny. Joel was too awkward of a person to try anything with Sarah present, and Y/n was too compassionate to question him about why he hadn’t bothered to call yet in front of his daughter. 

Y/n shrugged, “To be fair, he never shuts up about her, either.”

“Oh did he tell you that?” The man asked, brows raised playfully, “I didn’t know you spoke dog.”

“There are many things you don’t know about me yet, Joel,” She smirked at him, “Oh, happy Halloween, by the way.”

“Right,” Joel raised one hand to stroke his hairy chin, “Yeah, you too.”

Sarah glanced up from Manny’s pleading brown eyes, “Dad forgot.

Joel sent a sharp glare to his daughter, then smiled sheepishly at her, “Not too concerned about a holiday that’s got nothing to do with me, anyway–this one decided she’s too cool for trick-or-treating with dad this year.”

“Oh don’t feel too discouraged, I gave my dad the boot when I was even younger.”

“See?” Sarah pressed, glancing back at her father, “You don’t even like Halloween, I don’t get why you’re mad.”

Y/n widened her eyes and clutched her chest dramatically, “What do you mean, you don’t like Halloween? It’s like, one of the best holidays!”

Joel rolled his eyes, “Oh don’t tell me you’re one of those people.”

She pursed her lips, “And just when I was starting to like you, Miller.”

His eyes met hers, curiosity pooling into the dark mocha irises as he considered her words. He almost appeared apologetic; could he feel guilty about not calling her? Y/n did her best to not appear too shaken by his lack of contact–she hadn’t expected anything from him the next day, but after two weeks and still no call? She’d taken that as a sign that he’d been a tad too drunk when he had been so shamelessly flirting with her, and that he had no intentions of ever pursuing anything. 

Y/n was thankful when Sarah interrupted the pair, preventing her from spiralling into a nervous breakdown from her own inner monologue, “What are you dressing up as?”

The woman shook her head with a mischievous smirk on her lips, “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see when you come knocking at my door, huh?”

“No big plans?” Joel tilted his head, “I figured that roommate of yours would have you out on the town.”

She shrugged, “Steph’s out of town. Something about the drinks and the guys being stronger. Looks like it’s just gonna be me and my little guy here,” she gently clapped a hand against Manny’s side, “Well, us and a selection of horror movies.”

Sarah stood up, leaning into her dad’s side with her elbow, “How convenient, my dad will also be home alone tonight.”

Joel dropped his head in embarrassment–just leave it to Sarah to blatantly play the role of her father’s wingwoman. He refused to meet Y/n’s amused gaze, ears burning as Sarah continued.

“And he totally loves horror movies. He watches them all the time.”

“Oh really?” Y/n did her best not to burst out laughing, enjoying the sight of both Joel’s embarrassment and how confidently Sarah was trying to talk up her own father. She crossed her arms over her chest, doing her best to not make it too obvious how much she actually wanted to invite him to join her, but she didn’t want to display too much interest in him if he genuinely had none in her, “Well then maybe he should head to Blockbuster before all of the good ones are rented.” 

She raised her brow at him, signalling to him that it was his turn to make a move, as she would not be making any more. He nodded at her, red flooding his cheeks as he tried to muster up the courage to discuss the clear tension between them. 

Y/n smiled politely at them both, then glanced down at the heavily panting dog at her feet, “Well, I better get this guy out of this heat. See you guys in a bit, then?” She led the dog past them, glancing back over her shoulder, her lips pursed as she watched Sarah poke at her father’s side sharply. 

The young girl smirked at her dad knowingly, remaining silent, though the expression on her face made her thoughts very clear to the man. She scowled at him, crossing her arms over her chest, “Christina’s sister is so right; all boys are stupid.”

The man scowled at his daughter, watching in silence as she moved around him without another word, disappearing through the front door without so much as another glance. Joel scoffed, shaking his head at her, and wondering how the hell his nine year old could be so goddamn right about the situation. 

– – –

Joel wiped his hands anxiously across the expanse of his thighs, attempting to rid himself of the nervous sweat that had collected in his palms as he stood on Y/n’s front step, mustering up the courage to finally knock. 

“The fuck am I doing,” He cursed to himself, shaking his head as he ran a hand over his face. 

Y/n was younger than him; not by a lot, but they were still in very different stages of their lives. He wasn’t willing to admit that he genuinely did like her, and considering that she was still a young woman and still in college, he wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking for with him. Was it just some quick fuck that she wanted? Joel wouldn’t be opposed–hell, he was ashamed that he’d imagined such a thing more than a few times since meeting her–but he wasn’t sure if he could jump into bed with her and then move on with his life, nor could he expect her to be willing to just pick up the role of step-mother to his little girl. 

Joel had woken up on October 17, hungover as hell and struggling to recall any of his memories from the night before. He’d forced himself out of bed much earlier than he would have liked, needing to pick Sarah up before her soccer game. The man had stumbled his way into the shower, blindly going through the motions of bathing himself as the warm water slowly began to remove the fog from his mind. It was then, as he had reached out for his bottle of body wash that he noticed the smudge of blue ink on his skin, and then jumping in surprise at the memory of the beautiful woman who had given him her phone number–the woman who had him laughing like he hadn’t in so long and blushing harder than he thought possible–the woman who he hoped was now lying peacefully in her bed next door, preferably all on her own. 

The few times that he had seen her since then, he had thought about apologising for not calling and telling her the truth of what had happened, despite his embarrassment. He wanted to ask for it again, but every time, Sarah was there, making a fuss over the little pooch that never seemed to leave Y/n’s side. He wished that he were more confident in himself, more willing to speak to other women even if his daughter was there, but he simply would never be able to look at the young girl again if Y/n were to reject him. 

“Shit,” He swore loudly as he turned to rush off of the step, instead booting one of the carefully carved jack-o-lanterns onto the pavement of the driveway and watching in horror as it shattered on impact. 

“Joel?” He froze at the sound of the door creaking open behind him, smiling bashfully at the young woman as he did his best to not appear too guilty. Her eyes fell from his flushed face to the mess of orange at his feet, a surprised chuckle leaving her lips, “Damn, you really do hate Halloween, huh? Enough to come over here and start destroying my decorations, anyway.”

He sputtered for an answer, “I–it was an accident, I just knocked it off by accident on my way out–”

“Your way out?” She questioned, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the doorframe, “So what, you were just loitering on my front step?”

He scoffed at her, “I was actually on my way to apologise, but if you’d rather I just get lost…”

Y/n raised a brow inquisitively, “I’m listening.”

“I just–I’m sorry for not calling,” Joel admitted with a sigh, debating whether or not it would be best to explain exactly why, “For what it’s worth, I would have if I hadn’t washed it off by accident.”

An amused expression crossed her features as she mulled over his explanation, “You…washed it off?”

He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, “I did.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, as if she were trying to decipher whether or not he was being truthful, “Okay.”

His gaze shifted from side to side, uncertain as to what she meant, “Okay?”

“Okay,” She affirmed, “So what time did you wanna come over tonight?”

Joel swallowed the lump in his throat, “Tonight?”

Y/n shrugged nonchalantly, ignoring the butterflies that slammed at the lining of her stomach and threatened to erupt, “Tonight. You said it yourself, Sarah’s gonna be gone all night, so would  you rather be home alone or come over? Otherwise, I’ll just be here by myself, scared and in need of a devastatingly handsome cowboy to protect me from Michael Myers.”

Blush spread across his cheeks, his hands coming up to rest on his hips, “I don’t know about ‘devastatingly handsome’, but I think I could handle some asshole in a mask.”

She grinned at him wickedly, “That’s what everyone thinks, but I guess we’ll see tonight, around eight?”

“Eight.” He confirmed, then glanced down at the mess at his feet, “And sorry about your pumpkin.”

“It’s alright,” Y/n smirked, “You’ll just have to work extra hard to make it up to me.”

– – –

Joel anxiously adjusted his shirt, frowning at himself in the window of her front door. Despite dismissing Sarah’s teasing by claiming that this was in fact, not a date, he’d taken her advice in showering the moment that he had gotten into the house. 

He was aware that she was flirting with him, but until he had gotten out of the shower, towel sitting low around his waist as he wiped the steam away from the mirror and took in his shaggy appearance, he had not been at all concerned about what activities the night might lead to. Staring at his own reflection, nervousness quickly began to settle into his bones.

He had made quick work with the clipper, shortening the length of his facial hair after several weeks of negligence and leaving his lower face to be covered by a light stubble. He put a little more effort into his hair than usual, running a thin layer of gel through it while noting to himself that it was probably time for a haircut. He even took things a step further, dabbing a few drops of some woodsy cologne onto his skin; the bottle had gone untouched for two years, having been a Christmas present from his mother.

“Are you wearing cologne?” Sarah asked as she appeared at his side, face painted to resemble a circus clown, “I knew this was a date.”

“It’s not a date,” He argued, doing his best not to jump in fright at her appearance, “Shouldn’t you be out on the town by now, Ronald McDonald?”

“You showered, put on cologne, and you’re bringing candy? It’s a date.” Sarah listed, “And I’m Pennywise, by the way. Christina’s sister is coming to pick me up soon. She says that guys always dress up when she goes out with them because they want her–”

Joel grunted, glaring at his daughter, “I want you to stop hanging around Christina’s sister.”

Sarah ignored his comment, “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Joel glanced down at his outfit–a clean pair of jeans and an old t-shirt that he’d probably gotten out of a beer box or something, “What’s wrong with this?”

“What’s right with it?” 

Joel considered his parenting style for a moment, wondering if he would be free of this headache if he had spanked his daughter once or twice in her life. Sometimes he forgot that the girl was only nine years old with how intelligent she was and how much more mature she seemed in comparison to other kids her age. 

“It’s not a date, Sarah.”

She rolled her eyes, “It could be. Come on.”

Sarah rushed past him, leading him into his own bedroom as she began to dig through his closet. She frowned with almost every piece that she picked out, tossing them behind her recklessly and ignoring her father’s scolding for the mess that she had quickly created. 

“Hah!” The girl pulled out an egg-plant button down and shoved it into his grasp, “I knew you had to have something that wasn’t that ugly.”

He grunted at her, but didn’t reply out of respect for her brutal honesty as he quickly shed himself of the worn t-shirt he’d previously been wearing in favour of the one that Sarah had chosen. Now, as he stood at her front door and internally decided for himself that this was a date, he couldn’t help but thank God for his daughter’s awareness.

Finally, after tugging at the hem of his shirt, he raised a fist and knocked heavily on the door. Joel choked on his own saliva when she appeared in the window, smiling sweetly at him when she pulled the door open. She had already changed into a pair of black yoga pants and a sky blue shirt that exposed just a tasteful amount of her midriff. 

“Hi, again,” she breathed, a smile forming on her face, “You look nice, purple is definitely your colour.”

Joel burned, “I–thank you. Sarah picked it out.”

Y/n turned to the girl, who had already ushered the dog up onto the sofa with her, “Well she has a clear eye for style.”

“She definitely thinks so, that girl damn near harrasses me about my clothes everyday.” Y/n laughed out loud, Joel’s ears tingling at the melodious sound, “You look great, too.”

Y/n beamed down at her outfit, shrugging to herself, “Thanks, I thought about keeping my costume on but I wasn’t entirely sure how much you would be into Strawberry Shortcake.”

Joel chuckled at her, glancing down at the object in his hand, “I brought beer, by the way. Wasn’t sure if I should bring anything, or if you even like–”

Y/n reached out, snatching the six pack from his grasp, “Ever the gentleman, cowboy. So, you coming in?”

– – –

The house was filled with laughter, both having nearly finished their first beer as they shared stories freely. Halloween played quietly in the background, though neither of them paid too much attention. Y/n did her best not to physically melt when she felt Joel’s arm drape across the back of the sofa behind her, resisting the urge to tease him for attempting to cover it up by faking a dramatic yawn. 

She brushed her fingers along the top of his thigh, smirking to herself as she watched his leg slowly shift closer to her, though he didn’t address the affectionate touch. He spoke to her softly, and made an effort to hold eye contact with her as he did to–she was starting to feel some guilt about the conclusion that he’d drawn about him after he’d failed to call her. Her own gaze continuously fell to his lips as he spoke, and she was sure that he had noticed by the way that his lips began to curl confidently. Her heart hammered in her chest, wondering how much longer she would need to wait before he finally made a move.

Joel, however, was wondering exactly how he possibly could make a move. While feeling confident around her, there was no way to escape the fact that he hadn’t been on a date in at least a year, and he could count the amount of women he’d slept with since Sarah’s mother on one hand. At various points throughout the night, he had considered leaning in to kiss her, but had successfully siked himself out each time. The first time, he’d been interrupted by the pooch who had been jealous of his owner’s attention being focused elsewhere, though he could only blame every other time on his own insecurity.

“Do you want another beer?” Y/n asked as he swallowed the last gulp out of his can, “Or I have wine and pop?”

“Pop,” he scoffed, chest rumbling with quiet laughter.

She raised her hand and slapped his pec as she stood up from the couch, “Fine, you don’t get anything.”

He laughed, watching as she disappeared into the kitchen and shamelessly admiring the shape of her backside in the darkness of the dimly lit living room. He sat there for a few moments, staring at the movie in discontent, sighing as he ran his hand over his face and murmured a nearly silent fuck it, and following after her. 

“Is it too late to apologise and get that beer?” 

She glanced over her shoulder at him, smirking as she shrugged coyly as she turned and leaned her back against the front of the refrigerator and holding the perspiring can out in front of her, “You’ll have to come get it yourself.”

Joel crossed the small room in two long strides, stopping as the can met his chest, though he paid it little mind as she stepped away from the fridge, pressing a fleeting kiss to his lips. He froze for a second, stomach clenching at the soft touch. 

“Sorry,” Y/n whispered, though her tone betrayed how unapologetic she truly was, “Was that okay?”

He didn’t respond, quickly taking the beer out of her grasp and tossing it onto the counter as he cupped her face, capturing her lips with his and pressing her back against the fridge once more. She smiled against his lips, fingers bunching in the material of his plum coloured shirt and tugging him even closer. 

His lips were chapped against her own, the telltale sign of a busy man who hadn’t been too concerned with his physical appearance up until now, though she could not picture another kiss that she had received in the last several years that would even compare to Joel’s. 

One of his hands fell, fingers splaying around her waist as he pressed even closer, parting his lips as he felt the tip of her tongue prod at the seam and allowing her to seek out his own. He moaned at her taste, fingers wandering to her hip and hesitating, almost as if he had been asking for her permission to move even lower. She grasped his hand, guiding it around to cup her bottom.

Pulling away for air, she giggled softly and fluttered her eyelids open to find him already staring at her with blown pupils. One of her hands slid up his chest, tugging at the collar of his shirt before her fingers trailed over his patchy beard affectionately, “I don’t know if this is too soon, but do you wanna move to my bedroom?”

Joel chuckled at her, squeezing her cheek through her yoga pants, “Lead the way.”

– – –

Joel worried that he might have gone into cardiac arrest as he struggled to catch his breath, back slouched against the headboard as Y/n slumped flush against his chest. The cotton sheets pooled around her hips as she continued to move softly, working them both through the aftershocks of their climaxes. The man sighed in appreciation as her lips continued to slide against his jawline and leave gentle kisses in their wake, her fingers still lost in his dark curls.

Joel’s own hands squeezed her hips as she finally slowed to a stop, helping her slide off of him and smirking to himself at the whine she let out at the loss of contact. She shifted, moving out of his lap and curling into the cool sheets on the bed next to him.

“How was that?” He panted, “Have I done enough to make up for lost time?”

She grinned at him, her own chest rising and falling with her slowing breaths, “I think I recall doing most of the work, actually.”

“Bein’ on top doesn’t mean you were doing any work, sweetheart, I think we both know that.” His eyes fell on the digital alarm clock on her bedside table, grunting to himself as he took note of the late hour, “Shit–how the hell is it ten-thirty already?”

She glanced over to the clock briefly, then back at him, “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

Staring down at her nude form, guilt began to eat away at him as he began to slide off of the mattress and begin gathering his clothes that had been scattered around the room. 

“Are you leaving?” His back was turned to her as he pulled on his jeans, though he could only imagine the look on her face from the emotion that dripped from her voice; she was disappointed, facing the reality that she would be abandoned after doing something so intimate. 

“I mean…” Joel coughed, “Yeah, I should probably leave. Gotta work early tomorrow, and Sarah’s got soccer practice, and–”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” She sat up, hugging her knees to her chest in an attempt to regain her modesty, “I get it.”

Joel couldn’t help but wonder how many times she’d done this. She seemed disheartened, but not entirely surprised at his decision to head out, as if she was expecting this time to be different from the others–as if she was expecting Joel to be any different from the other shitty guys she’d met since moving to Austin.

“Darlin’,” Joel cooed, coming to sit at the edge of the mattress and cupping her face in his large palms, “It’s not like that. I want nothing more than to stay the night, but I know that I won’t sleep a wink tonight if I do.” His thumb stroked her bottom lip as her mouth slanted into a small, saddened smile. He leaned in, pressing three kisses to her lips, each one longer than the last before pulling back, “Can I get your number? I promise I won’t ask for a third time.”

Y/n smiled at him, kissing him once more before snatching a pen off of the bedside table and scribbling on his hand, “You won’t get it if you ask for a third time, Miller.”

MARCH 12, 1999

Y/n sighed blissfully, gnawing at her lip to prevent any moans of pleasure as Joel worked himself into her over and over, his hips meeting hers with slow, meaningful movements as he did his best to keep both of them quiet. Joel wasn’t normally one for booty calls, though he had hardly seen her in the past few days and couldn’t resist when his mind had wandered while in the shower–and for the first time in what felt like decades, he could rely on the help of soft, feminine touches rather than his own fast and rough tugs. 

Her thighs shook, teeth biting into the pillow beneath her face as she pressed her hips back against him and arched her spine in pleasure. She met his thrusts enthusiastically, fingers winding into the sheets tightly. 

“Shit,” She gasped, “Joel, I’m gonna–”

“I know,” He rasped, “Shhh baby. Let go, I’ve got you.”

She didn’t hold back, allowing the white hot pleasure to run through her veins, muffling her cries in the plushness of the pillow. Her walls clenched around him, gripping him for everything that she could manage as he fucked her through it, head rolled back in pleasure as his own orgasm teetered over the edge. His fingers tightened around her hips, hauling her back against him a few more times before his seed painted the inside of the condom. 

His hands slid up from her hips, one pressing on her back to force her to lay flat against the mattress while the other cupped the soft flesh of her belly to roll her over. Joel took in her figure, eyes scanning her face for any signs of discomfort before dropping to her breasts; the man was absolutely entranced by the shape of her breasts, eagerly pawing at them during makeout sessions and suckling at them with the utmost love and desire as he fucked her. She smiled at him tiredly, hooded eyes admiring his own figure as he slipped out of her, sliding off of the bed and disappearing into the ensuite. 

When he returned, he wore a pair of black boxers and carried a maroon washcloth in his hand, carefully parting her legs and sliding the cloth through her folds, puffy and sore from his touch. He whispered an entirely disingenuous apology as he pressed lightly against her abused clit, chuckling to himself as she jumped. Tossing the cloth aside, he settled into the mattress next to her, sliding an arm around her waist and tugging her into his side, sighing in relief at the physical contact. 

The rising sun had slowly begun to peek through the blinds, filling the room with a soft glow in the aftermath of the third round. Y/n glanced at the clock on the far wall, sighing to herself as reality settled into her bones. She hadn’t intended on staying so long, especially after how eagerly the both of them had initiated the first round, having allowed herself to remain at his side until she felt his member begin to grow against her thigh once more. Now, after taking him inside of her three times over the past six hours, she knew that she would eventually need to get up and leave–a habit that they both had and hated when they were finished. 

She pressed careful kisses into his flesh, lips moulding to the sweaty skin of his shoulder and neck affectionately while her palm rubbed circles into his firm chest. Joel nuzzled his head into her hair, his own lips pressing to the crown of her head as he, too, appreciated the afterglow. 

Y/n’s body and heart screamed at her as she finally pulled herself away from him, hopping out of the bed and collecting her clothing from the floor. Joel watched her with sunken eyes, his attempt to remain stoic as he easily recognised what she was doing proving fruitless.

“You don’t–you don’t gotta go just yet,” he called to her, desperation lacing his voice, “Don’t gotta be at the site till eleven tomorrow–”

“Today,” she corrected, “And that’s in seven hours. Besides, I don’t wanna fall asleep and risk having to run into Sarah. I should probably leave.” 

He nodded slowly, continuing to watch her as she dressed and fixed her appearance, preparing herself mentally and physically for her four A.M. walk of shame. Joel wanted to call her back to bed again, to convince her to stay with him and promise breakfast in the morning, but instead watched helplessly as she disappeared into the dark hallway, and closed his eyes disappointedly at the sound of the front door closing behind her.

JUNE 2, 1999

Golden rays of sun peeked through the blinds, trailing up the length of the bed with each passing moment before finally gracing over the soft skin of the woman next to him. Joel laid in his bed as still as possible, one arm around her shoulders to keep her flush against his chest, savouring the intimate, domestic moment before it would eventually come to an end–it always did.

The alarm clock flashed the time tauntingly at him, as if mocking him for wanting to keep her there for much longer than he knew he could. This was undoubtedly the latest she had stayed in his bed; it was nearing six A.M. and she had yet to stir from her deep slumber. 

His eyes trailed the length of her bare back, his fingers pressing gently at the indent of her spine as he pushed her body impossibly closer to her and bathing himself in the feeling of her nude body against his own. Joel resisted the urge to shake the growing ache out of his leg as pins and needles crawled up the length of his limb, too afraid to move and wake her–he knew what would come once her eyes had opened, as she had done it countless times now. 

It was the twitch of her fingers against the soft flesh of his belly that alerted him to her growing consciousness, nails following the pattern of hair that covered his abdomen softly, drawing a quiet moan of delight from the man beneath her. He felt the curve of her lips against his shoulder, turning his head to meet her eyes as they fluttered open.

“Morning, cowboy,” Her throat was dry and her voice was scratchy, but her words still held the power of causing an eruption of butterflies in his gut. 

“Morning,” He leaned closer, the tips of his nose brushing her own before she swatted him away, covering her mouth self-consciously and mumbling something about morning breath. Joel chuckled at her, moving her hand away and planting a soft, closed-mouth kiss against her lips. 

Her smile grew, hazy vision flickering around the sun-lit bedroom as realisation dawned on her, “What time is it?”

Joel’s own smile faltered as he cleared his throat, glancing over at the alarm clock again, “Five-to-six.”

“Shit,” She groaned, a hand settling on her forehead, “I should probably leave. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” 

Joel shook his head at her, “You ain’t got nothing to apologise for. I like having you here.”

She pecked his lips again, fondness creeping through her at the man’s admission, “I like being here. But I should go before Sarah wakes up.”

Joel caught her arm as she moved to crawl out of the bed, “Stay.”

“What?”

“Sarah knows you’ve been coming around and leaving early in the morning.” He told her, thumb smoothing circles against her wrist, “She says she’s happy for me, but she said that she won’t approve until you start bringing that damn dog of yours over here when you come.”

Y/n chuckled, her eyes growing a thin red rim along her waterline, “What are you saying?”

“I’m asking you to stay. Every damn night you spend here, you go rushing out like this is just a quick fuck, but I think we both know that it’s a lot more than that. Just come back to bed, please.”

Y/n shook her head at him, glancing over at the rising sun through the blinds in contemplation before she finally shrugged, crawling back into the bed and settling against his naked form with a sigh, her hand resting on his chest as she massaged small circles into his sweaty flesh. Both of them relaxed into one another, enjoying the silence of the early morning and dreading the unavoidable fate of the alarm going off in the coming hour.

NOVEMBER 27, 1999

Y/n tapped her nails against the hardwood of the tabletop rhythmically, doing her best not to make her dissociation too clear as her friends and family chattered back and forth. Her mother was busy on her left hand side, sharing dozens of her favourite childhood photographs to Y/n’s friends with a fondness that only a mother could have, while the seat to her left was empty. The watch that she’d received as a gift from her parents sat on her wrist, the time ticking away as grief settled in her stomach, the realisation that he simply wasn’t coming eating away at her pride.

Her birthday was not something that she generally liked to celebrate, but knowing that her parents, siblings, and a few members of her extended family had orchestrated a trip to visit and celebrate with her had her counting down the days, especially after she had convinced her unofficial boyfriend to join them for dinner at one of the nicest wallet-friendly restaurants in Austin. Now, as she sat silently and watched as her friends laughed and cooed over possibly the most embarrassing photos of her while picking at their slices of birthday cake, her mind only wandered to where exactly he was, and how much more fun she would be having if she were warding him off of any of those photographs–especially all of the ones from her junior high years. 

She hadn’t had the chance to speak to him at all that day, having woken up after he had already left for work and dropped Sarah off at school. At the time, Y/n had smiled to herself, thanking him mentally for allowing her to sleep in on her birthday, though she was beginning to wonder if she should have taken the lack of birthday wishes as a sign. 

She actively avoided Stephanie’s gaze, wanting to escape the oncoming I told you so, and made as little eye contact as possible with her mother, who watched her sympathetically, and her father, who silently raged over the presence of the empty chair. Y/n now felt embarrassed over how much she’d actually gushed over the man to her family before dinner, wondering if maybe she was more invested in him than he was in her. After all, he had yet to officially ask her to be his girlfriend, despite the fact that she and Manny had taken up residence in his home at least four nights a week and that she had been included in more recent movie nights with him and Sarah. 

Maybe she was reading into it too much–something must have happened. Something happened to Sarah, or maybe Tommy had been locked up again. There was no way that Joel had forgotten her birthday, there was simply no way.

– – –

Joel’s feet ached, crying out in pain with every step and sighing in relief as he finally kicked off his heavy boots. The crew that he’d brought on for his most recent and highest paying job to date had given him hell that day, leaving him aching for nothing more than a hot shower and a peaceful night at home with his best girls. He hated having to tack on extra hours to his day, but not arriving home until after ten was something that he would have to deal with in order to finish the job, and he was hoping to save up to take Y/n and Sarah on a little getaway for a weekend in the near future. 

The kitchen was dim when he stepped in, and he was somewhat surprised when he discovered no plate of food left for him in the microwave, nor was there a pan of leftovers in the fridge. Instead, there was a single empty carton of a microwavable dinner on the counter along with an empty can of Pepsi. Not wanting to seem ungrateful, he shrugged it off, though he had grown accustomed to Y/n bringing dinner over and making sure that it was ready for him on days that he worked late. 

Soft footsteps rushed down the stairs, Sarah rounding the corner with a wide grin on her face as she held a small piece of paper in her hands. 

“Hey babygirl,” Joel kissed her head softly as he moved into the living room, even more confused when he did not find Y/n curled up on the couch with a stack of her textbooks, as she so often did while waiting for him to return. 

“Hi dad,” Sarah’s smile dropped, glancing back into the entryway in confusion, “Where’s Y/n? I made this card at school today but I figured I’d wait until after you guys came back to give it to her.”

The blood in Joel’s veins ran cold, his heart skipping a beat at the sudden realisation of why his house appeared to be so void of his girlfriend, “Fuck.”

“Dad?” Sarah’s wide eyes narrowed, all too used to her father’s undiagnosed case of short-term memory loss, though he had never ever forgotten something like this before.

“Shit,” He swore again, snatching his keys off of the counter and rushing to jam his feet back into his uncomfortable boots, “Sarah, go to bed. I’ll be back later tonight.”

The girl watched helplessly as her father raced out the door, tears welling in her eyes as she stared down at the happy picture she had pasted into the card and frowning as she feared the worst.

– – –

Joel arrived at the restaurant just before eleven. He knew it was a long shot, as the reservation was for seven-thirty, which he had purposefully written down and stuck to the fridge so that he would not forget. The few remaining staff inside shook their heads in pity at the man, quickly coming to understand his situation as he rushed inside, asking about the reservation with a bouquet of flowers in his grasp. 

His shoulders slumped as he parked in his driveway, trudging across the lawn into the neighbouring yard and knocking firmly on the door. He waited a few moments, cursing quietly as he got no response and knocking again. 

His frown deepened when the door swung open, a fuming Stephanie standing in his way. Her face burned scarlet, fists clenched at her side as she took in Joel’s pitiful appearance. She took a step forward, joining Joel on the front step and closing the door behind her. 

“The fuck do you want?” 

“Where’s Y/n?” He asked, ignoring her bluntness.

“She doesn’t wanna talk to you,” the girl sneered at him. “It’s one thing to stand someone up, even to forget their birthday, but to embarrass her like that in front of her family?” She scoffed, “you know, I warned her about you, but I took no pleasure in being right. You should have seen her tonight, barely spoke at all.”

The metaphorical knife in Joel’s gut twisted at her words, the fist clenching the bouquet tightening even further around the stems. He could picture her; all dolled up, chatting with her family as she eagerly awaited his arrival, her pretty smile dampening as time passed and eventual tears in her eyes as she realised the truth–he had forgotten about her. 

“Just let me talk to her,” he begged, “Please.”

Stephanie shook her head, “I think it’s best if you never show your face on my property again, Miller.”

“Joel?” Both of their eyes turned at the sound of Y/n’s voice, finding her peeking around the door curiously. “Steph, can you give us a minute?”

The woman sent Joel one final glare, patting her roommate on the shoulder before slipping back into the house. 

If the knowledge of what he’d done hadn’t been enough, Y/n’s appearance was the final blow to his gut. Her eyes were bloodshot, cheeks swollen and marked with visible remnants of tears. She wrung her fingers together anxiously, keeping her gaze lowered in shame as she closed the door behind her and turned to face him.

“Baby–” 

“Don’t.” Y/n interrupted, “Just explain.”

He sniffled, “I can’t explain it, or excuse it. We got held up at work, and I really need this job to be done and over with already. I’m so sorry, baby.”

She shook her head, lifting her sleeve to wipe at the underside of her nose, “You didn’t even say goodbye before you left this morning. Did you even remember at all?”

Joel bit his lip, “I’m sorry. Let me–”

“Joel,” Her voice cracked, “I love you.” His heart soared as she spoke those words for the first time, then shattered as she continued, “I understand that I’m not your first priority–that’ll always be Sarah and I can’t blame you for that. But, fuck, you suggested the restaurant, Joel. You spoke to my mom over the phone and promised her the best steak in town, and she sure seemed to like it, but you weren’t even there. I won’t ever be your first priority, but I can’t be your last, either.”

“Y/n–”

“I think my cousins liked it, you know.” She continued, wiping at her cheeks, “They’re the type to pray for your downfall, and I’m sure they were loving every second of the dinner once everyone realised that you weren’t coming. Hell, all I did all night was talk about how amazing you were, and then–” Y/n cut herself off with a quiet sob.  “You should probably leave.” 

“Don’t do this,” Joel cupped her face, dropping the flowers to the deck recklessly as he wiped the tears away from her cheeks with his thumbs, “Tell me what to do. Hit me, yell at me, do something, but don’t ask me to walk away.”

She looked into his eyes, and for a moment, Joel felt hopeful that she might actually listen to him, though all hope was quickly diminished as he removed herself from his grasp, reaffirming her statement as she stepped back into the house.

“You should probably leave.”

[mypoisonedvine]

Possessive Eddie, maybe around Rick or after a party

ps. LOVE YOU GUYS <3

GETTING TO THIS LATE but it's cuteeee omg

eddie's possessive in a sweet way in this, not dark or controlling! but warnings for implied smut, insecurities, mentions of smoking and drinking, and mentions of semi-public sex lol

You noticed that he was acting different after you tagged along to a run to Rick's; but you liked the extra attention, so you didn't say anything.

You noticed, too, the way he would get extra touchy and affectionate when you mentioned hanging out with Steve or catching up with the guys you used to share your crayons with in elementary school. Still, you didn't say anything, and you didn't quite notice the connection.

But he was all over you during Steve's party. It started the second he saw you-- he said you looked hot, which you certainly appreciated, but then it's like he couldn't keep his hands off you. You couldn't even go get a drink or take a smoke break without him clinging to you like crazy.

"What's gotten into you, barnacle?" you giggled as Eddie nuzzled into your neck from behind, mumbling something about if you were wearing new perfume or if you just smelled better than he remembered.

"Barnacle?" he repeated.

"You're all up on my stern!" you explained, and Eddie laughed a little as he wrapped his arms around you.

"Well sorr-yyy," he whined, "just wanna touch my girl, s'that a crime?"

"No," you replied, "but you always get like this when we go out anywhere. Steve may not invite us to parties anymore if I keep wearing you to them."

"So? Then we can just stay home and I can touch you even more," he purred, leaning in to kiss your face, but you pushed him back slightly as you knitted your brows together.

"What's your deal, Munson? Do you think if somebody sees me alone for a half-second they're gonna think I'm single and ask me out or something?" you wondered.

Eddie got really quiet, which was always a sign of trouble, and your eyes went wide.

"Oh, shit-- did I really get it on the first guess?" you realized.

"It's-- it's not that! Uh, not exactly..." he mumbled, looking away.

"You know I would totally shut down anybody who tried to come onto me, right?" you assured. "Just because someone thought I was single wouldn't mean--"

"No, no, I know," he shook his head, "s'not that I don't trust you. I'm just.... I'm so proud of you, y'know? And yeah, it drives me a little crazy when other guys look at you, I like reminding them they don't stand a chance-- 'cause you've got me. And I wanna remind you of that, too."

You smirked. "I'm not really at any risk of forgetting that, Ed, especially with you on me like white on rice all night."

"I'm not trying to smother you," he promised, "just want everybody in Hawkins to know you're my girl. Shit, I want everybody in the whole world to know! I bet most of 'em still couldn't believe it, that a loser like me got a girl like you."

"Please," you rolled your eyes incredulously.

"No, I'm serious!" he laughed. "Everyone already thought I was doing witchcraft before, but now that I've got you?"

He didn't even finish the thought fully, but you laughed, too, and pulled him closer by the shirt to kiss his cheek. "Okay, stud, you really want everyone to know I'm yours?" you challenged, seeing one of his eyebrows raise. "How about you take me to one of the Harringtons' half-dozen guest bathrooms and make me say your name loud enough for this whole party to hear?"

He purred as he pulled you closer at the hips. "Sounds like a deal."

[f0point5]

With all the posts about Max’s first win I can’t stop thinking about how Y/N was feeling because it was still their feud era 🥺

do you have any headcanons about it?

I always had a rough idea of what happened after he won, I think it’s mentioned in the smau but I actually had some more detailed thoughts when I saw the reel on Max’s insta so…

Enjoy 🧡

Ps. Please ignore slight inaccuracies, I didn’t check the layout of the track’s parc fermé before writing this lol

**************************

It’s your dad who drags you to yet another race under the guise of actually seeing you for more than thirty minutes at an airport. You hardly bother being upset. The kid he wishes was his is entering his first race for Red Bull Racing, you weren’t expect him to spend the whole weekend with you while that was happening.

Of course Max goes and wins it.

The moment he takes the chequered flag and the garage erupts into noise that can’t even be softened by your headphones, you want to roll your eyes, but you can’t. You’re not sure why your heart is thundering in your chest and you’re lightheaded, but you can’t think straight to figure it out. You don’t even like the guy.

Later, you’ll realise it’s because for all the dislike, awkwardness, and misunderstanding, there’s one thing you know about Max Verstappen, and it’s that he deserves this. He’s deserved it since he was racing around on his stupid little quad bike right over your foot. He deserved it after every win and every rare loss. Every time you watched him load his kart into that battered van when his dad wouldn’t let anyone help him, every time he turned away from anyone who might notice he was crying after Jos spoke to him, every time he stood on that top step looking not happy, just relieved.

You don’t even realise you’re crying until Geri Horner hands you a tissue with a soft smile before she runs off to join her husband. You follow her out to parc fermé where Max is already out of the car, mobbed by people. Barriers aren’t keeping anyone away from F1’s story of the decade.

You’re making your way through the throngs of people without any clear idea of why. You’re not even sure you’re breathing. Your brain certainly feels short of oxygen. Max has his back to you as he talks to one of his pit crew, gesticulating wildly as the guy shakes him by the shoulder.

It takes pretty much all the courage you’ve ever had to tap him on the shoulder. Something in you is surprised he turns to look at you.

“Congratulations,” you say, past a lump in your throat.

He doesn’t say anything. His smile doesn’t fall, but his eyebrows raise, like in this sea of people congratulating him he’s surprised that you did.

“Uh, thanks,” he says squeezing the back of his flushed neck. Even with a grin he can’t dull, he manages to look so damn awkward, and he can’t meet your eyes. “It was a good race, huh?” He snorts out a chuckle like he’s just one a 100 metre dash at a school sports day.

“Oh, fucking hell, Max,” you scoff as you take hold of his wrist and pull him into a hug, one he returns so quickly it makes you laugh, shaking against him.

You squeeze him tighter and he responds in kind. You laugh again, and this time you feel him laughing, too. Maybe something in his sweat transmits his adrenaline, or the heady atmosphere of success just takes over and you lose your mind, because you find yourself wondering what would happen if you just never let him go.

It’s Jos who pulls you apart, giving his son one more hug before pushing him off to where the team is waiting to celebrate with him again. He even turns to you and gives a squeeze around the shoulder and a kiss to the crown of your head, which feels a little like being kissed by the pope.

You shrink back into the crowd of people as photographers move past you to get closer for more pictures. Max doesn’t even seem to notice them, talking to Helmut Marko and his dad, looking like he’s walking on air. You imagine he must feel weightless. You know that for some reason, you do.

“He’s phenomenal,” your dad says beside you. It’s a dig at you, but you don’t even care.

“Yeah,” you agree, watching Max hugging his race engineer, “he is.”

He may be an arrogant dick, but his talent is something you see once in a lifetime if you’re lucky, and today you feel lucky. Your dad may never forgive you for not having talent like that but right then you promise to stop hating Max just because he does.

You’ll never be friends. You’ll never have more in common than a childhood that shattered you and made him invincible. You’ll probably never stop wondering what it’s like to be him.

But when you see him stand on that top step for what you know won’t be the last time, you cheer.

[riley-writes]

Damaged Goods (Dhawan!Master x GN!Reader)

Hi! It’s been soooo long. Grad school will be the death of me. Enjoy this fic that I wrote instead of studying for an exam I’ll take in less than 36 hours that determines whether I graduate or not. This was more fun though. Please excuse any typos I proofread this once and now I have to go study to prove that I can be a professional at hearing people's worst memories while helping them be okay

Dhawan!Master x GN!Reader

You’ve accepted your fate on a planet you don’t even know the name of after being left behind. The last person you expect to see is your ex-friend’s best enemy.

Notes: So reader is gender neutral but there’s a throwaway line that more aligns with the queer/trans experience, but could probably read as anyone who is an outsider or struggled to feel accepted. Enjoy babes!

Warnings: Reference to torture, brief SI language but no followthrough, angst, abandonment. The works.

This certainly wasn’t the way you’d expected to die. Well, that might not be exactly true. You had expected some kind of trouble that you and the fam got into would end in your demise, but foolishly you’d thought that maybe it would be quick.

This was not quick.

While on some godforsaken planet that you couldn’t remember the name of, the Doctor had managed to piss off another alien race, leading to you all fleeing to the TARDIS under heavy fire. And only you hadn’t made it on time.

At first, you’d been confident that the Doctor would come back and rescue you. But the first day passed, and then the second, and then the third, and then before you knew it, you’d been being tortured for… well, you didn’t know anymore. Hard to keep track when you have no clue how long you’ve been passed out for after getting the shit beaten out of you for not knowing where the Doctor had run off to. 

You weren’t really sure when you’d started resenting her for it–for leaving you behind. She and the fam had taken you in when no one else was there for you, when no one would accept you for who you were. You had no one back on Earth. And now you had no one period. It hurt. To be left behind and forgotten like a toy that had been broken and discarded.

And that’s what you were. Broken. You’d held onto your spirit for so long, but as you heard the barred door down the hall swing open, you realized that you just wanted it all to end. You just couldn’t take it anymore.

You didn’t look up as the door to your cell opened and someone was shoved to the ground, followed by the door slamming shut and locking once more.

“Oh come on boys, it was all in good fun!” said a familiar voice, causing your blood to run cold. You snuck a quick glance, and confirmed– yes, the Master had just been thrown into your cell. Unfortunately, your movement didn’t go unnoticed, and his head snapped in your direction. You quickly diverted your eyes, but the damage was done. You heard him tut and wander towards you, and your entire body tensed. 

“Now what is one of the Doctor’s little pets doing in a place like this? Lost, love?” he asked cruelly. You didn’t respond or look up, still curled in on yourself. He stepped closer and your body got impossibly more tense. Your lack of response encouraged him. “Waiting on your precious Doctor to come and save you?”

You couldn’t help but let out a quiet scoff at that, which egged him on further. “How long has she left you here to rot?” He made an irritated sound when you didn’t respond. “I asked you a ques–,” you saw him reaching for you.

“Don’t touch me!” you shouted, vaulting yourself away from him across the cell. You could feel yourself start to hyperventilate, breaths coming quicker and quicker. Yep, this was it. You were dying. The Master was frozen in place, an unreadable look on his face.

The only sound was your quick breathing. He took a step forward, and you pushed yourself into the corner as far as you could.

“Don’t…” you sobbed, terrified. The Master held his hands up and took another step forward as if he were approaching a wild animal. “Please,” you whispered.” He hesitated.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said after a moment. There was some emotion on his face that you couldn’t quite place– though that was reasonable, being that you hadn’t been in contact with anyone that had shown you anything but disgust and anger. Still, you didn’t relax.

“You need to breathe or you’re going to pass out. You humans are pathetic like that, only having one respiratory system,” he said with jest, and you let out a short laugh in shock. He took this as a good sign, because he slowly approached and knelt down next to you. He seemed to not quite know what to do, but settled on a gentle hand on your back as you steadied your breathing.

“Now. I’m going to go destroy every other being on this planet, and then we’ll leave. Consider this my good deed of this regeneration. Can’t be ruining my reputation now, can I?” he said quietly. You looked up in surprise, and were met with an intense gaze. You nodded, throwing your trust to someone who’d never shown you anything but disdain up until this moment. What did you have to lose?

And as you got on the Master’s TARDIS, you couldn’t help but wonder what life had in store for you next.

[milliewrtes]

Mine | l.mark

Summary

in which your boyfriend saves you from unwanted, horrible flirting

Warnings

reader is kind of implied to be a girl, reader wears a skirt, protective mark, university au, an asshole trying to flirt, a few kisses here and there

the restaurant i was in was bustling with dozens of people. almost every table was packed with groups of friends drinking, laughing, most presumably drunk. 

i wasn't in a bar per say; although it certainly wasn't a place parents would bring their young children to at night. 

loud music, wasted people laughing, and dim led lights isn't really a place for family gatherings. 

it was around 9 o'clock in the evening and i was having drinks with friends from university. well, i'm not actually drinking, i wasn't much of a drinker. i just had a shot of soju and called it a night (for drinking at least.)

i was waiting for my boyfriend, Mark, to join us. he got off class late and wanted to head back to his apartment first to wash up before coming here. 

"so Y/n. where's your boyfriend." a voice slurred, making me snap out of my inner dialogue. 

it was his voice. Junho's voice. i wasn't really friends with him. he was just a friend of a friend that they brought along. 

he was a huge flirt. flirted with any girl and every girl, even if she had a significant other already. he was kind of a dick if you'd ask me. 

i gave him an annoyed smile before giving my reply; "oh, he's on his way. he just texted me; he's just around the corner." 

i smoothed my skirt and my hair, already uncomfortable interacting with someone i wasn't acquainted well enough with.

"you know, if he doesn't show, maybe we could hang out after this. you and me." He said cockily, giving me a presumably flirty wink.

before i had the chance to respond, a hand touched my shoulder. 

"well thank God i arrived just in time." my boyfriend, ever so in time, said."

he turned to me, sat in the seat next to me and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips." hey baby," he pulled away while dragging my chair closer to his and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, "sorry i'm late."

i smiled, gratitude filled me as i was being saved from any more interaction with Junho. "you're fine. it's fine" i whispered, leaning closer to him. 

he gave me another peck on the forehead before turning to Junho in front of us. 

"asking my girl on a date, huh Junho?" He tutted, while running his fingers over my arm. "you should know better than to ask out someone knowing they're already taken. especially Y/n"

the stare he gave Junho was chilling. it wasn't exactly a glare, but you couldn't call it an innocent stare. 

"look man," Junho laughed nervously, he started fidgeting in his chair, "it was a joke, right Y/n? we were only joking."

not wanting to cause a scene in the restaurant, in front of my friends i simply nodded; i didn't want to waste my time on him anymore. 

Mark finally took his gaze away from the poor excuse of a human being in front of me, turning all his attention on me. 

finally, i cuddled in closer to his lean torso, i hadn't seen him in hours, i missed so much. our school schedules never really aligned. 

"you ok?" he asked, his fingers continued to run up and down my arm, lulling me to sleep. 

"mhmm." i replied, starting to doze off. 

"wanna get outta here?" he said, he had noticed me falling asleep like the attentive boyfriend he is. 

"but you haven't eaten anything." i protested, i didn't want him starving after a long day. 

"i would rather get food delivery, cuddle in my apartment, watching some poor cheesy comedy than to hang out here with other people." he said. 

i thought about it before nodding, that did sound inviting. 

flashing me a grin, he stood up and began gathering my things. 

"hey everyone, Y/n and i are going to head out, it's been a long day." he announced. 

he took one last glance at Junho and smirked. "see you around Junho."

he didn't wait for a reply as he turned around, wrapping a protective arm around my waist. 

he pressed his lips to my temple. "let's get outta here, babe. you're mine for the rest of the night."

question: do you prefer reading in first or second POV for fanfics?

[kittenjammer]

Hi! So I was going through your snape tag (btw sorry for the million notifications you probably got), and I noticed you weren’t very much a fan way back on the early days of your blog. Feel free to completely ignore this if you don’t feel like answering (it is truly none of my business), but I’m always fond of hearing people’s “how I came to like this character” or “why I changed my mind about this character” stories and I was wondering what yours was :)

Hiii! Thanks for the ask! (No worries on the notification spam lol) and I appreciate that you reached out!

Yes! I think he was one of the characters I had the most difficulty empathizing with because I had such a strong, emotional reaction to him. Especially after OotP forward. He's divisive! (Also looking back through my Snape tag has me internally cringing a bit with how little grace I extended to the poor guy...ah well. With age/maturity comes wisdom...? D: )

I'm ngl, after reviewing some of the earlier posts, my immediate reaction is to delete them as my opinions have definitely changed, but maybe it's good to leave it as a record of my evolving mindset towards the character? lol

Ok, so what changed?

Well, it certainly helps I'm now closer to adult Snape's age from Book 1 than Harry's age when I was first reading the HP series as it was being published. I didn't give much thought to Snape beyond he was a mean teacher and a bully, for the first four books at least.

I got into the HP fandom around when GoF had been released so I was discovering plenty of fanfic and fan meta. Snape was one of the more ... well ... fans reactions to him that liked him or even wrote him sexually with the cast confused middle-school me, to be honest. I was more interested in the child characters than the adults, so I was vaguely aware of how he was portrayed in fandom but didn't really engage.

This changed after OotP was released, and we finally got some explicit Severus Snape backstory and history with the Occlumency lessons. I had a really an emotional reaction to SWM and some of the memories we got a glimpse of. I was empathetic and not completely surprised to learn Snape was from an abusive home, that he had possible trauma and issues that explained his actions and why he was so cold and angry. Like Harry, I was really disappointed in how his father and Sirius treated Snape. There's just no excuse for how they sought him out to pick on him for fun. I was on Harry's side with confronting Sirius and Lupin about how his dad and they acted.

Also, I read everything with shipper eyes, and immediately felt there was more to Severus and Lily's relationship beyond her just coming over and reacting to James actions lol. They called Jily a crack!ship but it looks like they were validated in the end lol.

However what really made me emotionally react with anger was that we are basically being shown that Severus knows what it's like to be a scared child being abused and tormented by authority figures and other children, but he does it to his students?? I could not understand his actions at a time but I would get genuinely angry when I did think about it. To child me, this felt like a betrayal, both for a fictional character and when actual people did this. Looking back I was reacting so strongly due to my own personal experience with trauma in the home and with authority figures abusing children.

I recall not caring much about him in HBP or DH. I was much more upset with Sirius' death than Dumbledore's, so Snape's "betrayal" was just not something I recall reacting emotionally to. In DH, I definitely remember reading his memories and just feeling irritated with him. To me, he was a guy with trauma and emotional issues, sure, but I felt his behavior towards Harry, Hermione, and Neville was not excused for me. At most I felt begrudging respect for him and acknowledged he was not a completely terrible person. Harry naming one of his son's after him felt so bizarre, and I just could not understand why Harry wanted to honor him. Forgive him, sure I could understand Harry doing that, but naming his child after Snape just left me feeling confused. I could not understand how Snape could have loved Lily so much, but treated her son like he did.

I know I'm basically rambling, but it really has been a journey. :P

When I grew out of HP and the fandom after DH was published, I never gave much thought to him or his circumstances until I (unexpectedly) returned to the HP fandom last summer. I reread all of the books as an adult and I had the life experience and maturity to understand that:

A) Snape was funny! A lot funnier than I remember.

B) His actions throughout the book were too subtle for teenage me, but they made me really question my previous feelings for the character.

C) Everyone Dumbledore was kind of terrible to him!

I read a lot of really well written meta on the characters and HP. Specifically I think it was @pet-genius posts on reddit I found that really helped me put my thoughts and feelings regarding HP, primarily Harry, in order. And I can't help but compare and contrast Harry and Severus as characters and how they each approach their trauma and grief.

@ashesandhackles metas on Snape was also really helpful in highlighting the examples in the text that showed how Snape's actions sometimes directly contradict with what he said, especially to Harry. He's always presenting himself as this cold and controlled person, disparaging emotional reactions and connections. Yet he's one of the most emotionally reactive characters in the series next to Harry!

I was able to see clearer a lot of things I liked about him. That he's an incredibly skilled and hardworking person. That he cares very deeply for people he does allow himself to have feelings for and connections to. That he was scared, so scared, probably all the time after Voldemort's return to power, but he never wavered in his determination to continue to show up and fulfill his duty. Him making the Vow with Narcissa to try to protect Draco. The incredible pain he must have been in when he used the Killing Curse on Dumbledore, the one person left that knew everything about him and still valued him. That he dies keeping silent about the Elder Wand ownership, protecting Draco from becoming Voldemort's next target.

I also viewed his relationship with Lily as so much more complex than unrequited love. There's a meta out there (I will edit this post and link it if I find it again) that argues Snape wasn't really in love with Lily, and that "Always" quote is so much deeper than a romantic, or sexual, type of feelings for her. I think it argues that Snape elevated Lily to a symbol of Good, or at least used her memory to guide him on morality. I felt so much more respect for the guy that he had dedicated his life as penance, basically, for betraying his once-best friend once more.

This is getting long, I hope this wasn't too much. I have changed my feelings on how Severus treated Harry and the other kids close to him in that year's class. Looking at how he acts to others and comparing to how he acts with Harry, I now now I feel Harry was a very specific trigger for Severus and he showed Harry and Harry's potions class a side of him that he generally did not show to anyone else. This is just my personal interpretation based on how other adults, from Dumbledore to even Lupin, and kids speak of Snape as a professor and seem to think Harry is just exaggerating that Snape hates him. When, no, Snape really is projecting his hate and rage and grief about James and Lily onto Harry and he does actually hate the kid. Which, it's probably easier for Severus to think he hates Harry rather than hates himself.

I could keep going but I will stop here for now. I hope that answers the question? But feel free to chat more :) I hope you don't mind I responded with a blog post, I can take it down if you would rather it be answered privately lol.

I suppose the tl;dr version is that Snape makes me angry because he makes me feel things about myself that I don't like, but with age and reading other people's thoughts on the character has definitely made me come around to they guy!

[lucyandthepen]

a lesson on style - vi . [ ljn | njm ]

pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv., pt. v, pt. vi

you’ve always been content with being associated with one word and one word only: average. average in looks, academics and social skills, you’re just looking to graduate high school without causing disasters you’ll have to live with until you kick the bucket. when you’re paired with school king lee jeno for the semester-long physics thesis, you can’t help but think the entire situation has pretty much set itself up for failure. that is, until you strike a deal with your partner. 

alternatively: an au tale involving lessons in popularity, eleven consecutive B­ minuses, a secretly sensitive, chess­-loving jock, and an amateur sex tape.

pairing: jeno x fem!reader, jaemin x fem!reader verse: high school au { jocks!nomin ft. a super cute whiny ap physics genius renjun } rating: M chapter warnings: none word count: 8.1k

author’s note: this was actually supposed to go on for a lot longer but... it might've reached a solid 13-15k and i just thought it would be better to split it into half-ish, so nothing major happens, although i definitely enjoyed yet another mc/jaemin real talk session that i also hope you enjoy! :^)

tagging: @justalildumpling, @spiderrenjunfics (no longer available, please give me your new url if you're still interested!)

You think now is as good a time as any for you to say something that’ll easily impact the trajectory of your life forever; after all, Jeno’s essentially given you the floor after such a strange and honestly shocking turn of events. You’re aware of the fact that his thumb is still traveling across your cheek, more idle as an action than anything else, but you seem to be experiencing the feeling as something closer to an out-of-body experience than an actual first-hand one; the tingles they send to your heart are weird and blurry, like your body can’t process his touch well enough to understand it fully. You suppose it’s because of your confusion at what he’s saying, which leads to your second option: asking him what he means. 

There’s little to interpret at face value, but what his words do is essentially unlock a torrent of other weird questions in your head. For instance: how long had he known that you liked him? Had he known this entire time? Did something you did make it painfully obvious? If he wants you to like him — and, as he says, only him — does that mean he’s essentially accepting your feelings? Does this mean… he likes you back? 

You assume this is one of those moments where, because your mind is going a million miles a minute, a lot of time feels like it’s passed even though it’s just been a small handful of seconds. This assumption is quickly broken by Jeno’s expression of concern. 

“_______________? Say… something.”

“Um,” you start before you can even figure out what you want to say. The easiest answer comes to mind: It’s always only been you. But that’s weird, and this isn’t a 90’s Western movie, and if it were, you certainly wouldn’t be the eloquent main romance interest, even if Jeno’s gaze could easily fool you into thinking that. You think about making a joke, but you’re befuddled and also fresh from tears that — if Jeno’s abrupt story is actually true — were totally useless and unfounded in nature. 

Also, you’re really not that funny to begin with.  

“I just…” you try again, and his eyebrows raise slightly in anticipation for your next words. Nothing else comes out after a few seconds, though, and he realizes this is just another false start, his hand falling onto your shoulder (maybe he’s tired of trying to coax it out of you with the thumb-on-cheek method, which admittedly had you clamping up more than anything else). 

“You can just tell me how you really f—”

“I think I have to go.” 

No. No. Why would you say that? The surprise on his face quickly morphs into something that looks almost crestfallen, an expression you’d never imagine seeing on bright, confident Lee Jeno, let alone ever be the cause of. His hand slips from your shoulder quickly, like he’s now worried touching you will electrocute him. 

“Oh. I’m sorry — I didn’t… mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m… I’m not.” You’re not, are you? “Maybe a little, but it isn’t really you —”

“Something I said, then—?”

“No, I…” Your fingernail digs into the pad of your thumb, with you trying to use the sting of the pain to jolt you out of this nervous, inarticulate state. “I just don’t think… I have anything of value to say right now.”

“What makes you think that?” 

“Because…” Grappling for words is like trying to break through the surface of water; you’re almost there, but somehow you’re still floundering, and that only seems to be making it much worse. “Because I never really thought about what I’d do… if you really found out I liked you.” 

When you say it, it suddenly makes sense. For some reason, you’d always lived your life shuttling between point A (liking Jeno quietly in the comfort of your own mind palace) and point Z (fantasizing about your life with him where you live in a quaint townhouse with a cute mailbox and three kids), but you’d never really given much thought to all the points in between, especially not one that contains a scenario in which he’d find out and seemingly be okay with it, which, based on the current conversation, somehow seems like a reasonable thing to assume about him. 

You’ve always wanted it — him knowing, him accepting it, maybe even him liking you back —  but it kind of felt like, deep down, you hadn’t really believed it would ever happen. 

And you were kind of content with that, because you wouldn’t ever really have to deal with the complications of it. Right now, you’re feeling unprepared and a little exposed, weirdly vulnerable to his gaze. It once again, for the hundredth time tonight, it seems, triggers some kind of flight instinct in you that has you looking anywhere but at him all of a sudden. 

“You can think about it… now,” he suggests carefully. Being put on the spot doesn’t really ever bring out the best in you — a fact that might be known to people who were actually paying attention to your failed impromptu speech about whale hunting in your sixth grade English class — so you just pretend that the silhouette of Jaemin’s front yard tree is supremely interesting to you all of a sudden, never mind the fact that it’s about a few inches from Jeno’s ear from your vantage point. You don’t really want to see his expression right now, especially if that means it’ll only fluster you back into speechlessness. 

“I don’t really know if I can,” you admit. From your peripheral vision, you see what seems like a flash of discomfort pass across Jeno’s face; you’re sure you just imagined it, considering you’ve never imagined cool, aloof, king of your heart Lee Jeno as exuding anything other than utmost confidence. Still, his next words do make you question that notion twice over. 

“Did I… misunderstand something? Is it that you don’t have feelings for me?” 

“No, I… you know. I… yeah, I do, but I just —”

“You’re seeing someone else?” 

“No,” you say more fiercely, and for a brief moment, you’re so appalled at the thought that your eyes flicker to his, which ends up being a terrible mistake because the confusion in his gaze is so profound that the guilt in you swells tenfold. 

“Because I thought… maybe the reason Renjun and you —”

“He’s — honest to God — he’s just my friend.” 

“And Jaemin is…?”

“My… next door neighbor?” You blink rapidly at the lights still coming from his house, wondering now what Jaemin has to do with all of this in the first place. For someone who seems like he would be extremely uninvolved in this general progress of events, he seems to crop up time and again, weirdly always around when you need someone. Maybe it’s a neighbor thing, or maybe he’s a little nosier than you thought. But thinking about another element in this situation is starting to give you a headache, and you’re way past the time you’re usually already in bed avoiding homework and watching shitty dating reality shows instead. “I don’t really understand what he has to do with this either. I just don’t think I’m prepared to have this conversation at all.”

“But you like me, don’t you?” 

It’s weird, actually, now that you think about it — why does he have to confirm the fact time and time again? It’s almost like he’s worried, although you can’t imagine why he would be. More than anything, you’d kind of assumed that he would find that information pretty repellent, but with the way he’s asking in earnest, it almost seems like he wants to keep the knowledge of that like a talisman. 

“I do,” you admit, mostly because it’s out in the open, but also partially because you’ve made the mistake of looking at him again, and you start wondering how he could even wonder when everyone seems to like him (you, perhaps, to a somewhat unhealthy degree). 

“More than them?” 

“I—” Your brow furrows, another wave of confusion washing over you. But his eyes are much too honest in their questioning, and you speak before anything else can come to mind. “More than anyone, Jeno.”

What looks oddly like relief settles on his face, and you notice only then that his shoulders have been tensed up because he seems to relax them all of a sudden. “Oh. Good. Great. So listen, now that we’re on the same page, I—”

Jeno’s interrupted by one of the guys in a university sweater calling out to him from across the two lawns, voice booming to a degree that sets off a few annoyed dogs in your area. Jeno raises a hand to signal him to wait, his mouth still open on whatever words he wanted to complete his sentence with, but the sounds he was trying to make quickly die into silence anyway, drowned out by a huge crash inside Jaemin’s house. 

You’re not entirely certain of what he wants to say — on the bright side, he could have been ramping up to a point that could easily make all your dreams from middle school to now a perfect reality, but he also could have been setting you up for some kind of grand, embarrassing failure — not by his design or by malice but just by the pointing out of the fact that you two lead different lives and things would likely never work out, anyway, but it’d be cool that you liked him in your own time, and he’d allow it as long as you didn’t get drool all over his notebook in class. 

Either way, you don’t think now, with a bunch of inebriated college people shouting profanities on Jaemin’s lawn and a gaggle of high school kids panicking about what sounds to be a broken table and a whole bunch of pizza on the floor, is the best time to be processing those things.

“I actually,” Jeno turns his gaze to you again, strangely alert, like you’d just whistled for a dog’s attention. You’ve never seen him like this, and it’s weird to think that, at this awkward moment, you can still find him painfully endearing. You have to shake yourself out of the grip of the already beckoning force that tells you to sigh dreamily about how adorable he is. “Think I should really be heading inside. Looks like they also need you for some kind of damage control, anyway.”

The same college kid calls for Jeno again, dragging out the vowels of his name kind of annoyingly. Jeno sighs, nodding slowly enough for you to know he’s caught on — this probably isn’t the right time to have such a weirdly heavy conversation.

“Yeah. I probably need to help clean up, anyway. No one’s going to want to do it, and Jaemin’s already chewed me out for bailing on mop duty a few times.”

“Why’d you bail?” 

“Just… got busy, personally.” He looks sheepish, and it doesn’t take a bunch of lightbulbs going off for you to cotton on as well. Now, you’re just wishing you hadn’t asked, so you didn’t ever have to imagine it. Still, what’s done is done. You have to focus on keeping the discomfort out of your face this time. “Um… that’s not important, though. Anyway —I’ll talk to you soon, okay, ________________? Like… maybe we can catch up at school? You know, talk about our thing — the project, I mean — and like… et cetera?”

“Yeah, for sure.” Your smile’s weak, and so is your joke, but you should at least try to hold up casual pretenses as much as he does, even though he’s obviously much better at it. “I’ll tell on you to Hwang if you don’t, you know.” 

His laugh is soft, but it at least sounds genuine; his smile still reaches his eyes, which already makes your heart feel a little lighter. But instead of trekking off immediately, he lingers, strangely, until his grin winnows down into just the ghost of a smile on his lips. Even weirder are his hands, slightly outstretched towards your waist, like he’s trying to cross the gap between you (even if it’s admittedly very minimal) but suddenly decides not to. The result is him looking strangely stiff and uncharacteristically hesitant, but you chalk it up to him simply not knowing how to end such a weirdly situated conversation. You know you’d have an even worse time doing it if it were up to you, so you can’t really blame him. 

In the end, he closes the dialogue with ‘see you around, ________________,’ and a quick pat on the shoulder, which, if you think about it, seems a little disappointingly different from when he’d had his hand against your cheek a few minutes ago. Then again, you’re not sure you could handle something like that again, anyway. 

You watch him walk off back towards Jaemin’s house, and some pitiful, pathetic part of you is expecting him to look back, say one last goodbye to you, or something, but the university guy that had belted his name out so vigilantly just swings an arm around Jeno’s neck and drags him to a corner where a bunch of other similarly dressed people, to whom Jeno starts talking to almost immediately. 

Cutting this conversation short was probably for the best, anyway; you have no idea what he would have said, but you’re very sure you wouldn’t have been prepared for it either way. You trudge into your house and up into your room, already mentally prepared to spend the rest of the night obsessively mulling over what it all meant and what he had really been planning to say at the end. The process starts some time in the shower, while you’re shampooing your hair and you embarrassingly remember the feeling of Jeno’s hand tangled in it. The moony expression that the thought of it leaves on your face is present up until you see how stupid it looks in the fogged up bathroom mirror. 

Renjun still hasn’t texted you, which is honestly starting to be a source of mild anxiety because you can’t be sure if he’s dead in a ditch somewhere or just ignoring you for some unknown reason. Whatever it is, you leave like three messages wondering where he’s at and asking him to call you. You’re on your fourth message, which is asking to confirm about tomorrow’s movie (something you’d almost forgotten about save for the fact that you’d remembered this would be a point of argument for you both once again if you spaced on it) when a notification pops up that once again gives you a heart attack. 

Lee Jeno: u looked pretty tonight, btw :) 

You: oh!! thank you…!

You: you looked great tonight too…! :) 

Lee Jeno: haha… cute :) 

Lee Jeno: goodnight, ____________ :) 

This is the most emojis you’ve ever seen used in a single brief conversation, and you can’t help but feel like it might be a little juvenile, but it doesn’t even matter because Lee freaking Jeno called you pretty and cute in the span of five minutes. Your thumbs are shaking as you type back a typo-laden goodnight that takes you a full other minute just to edit before waiting a little more, but nothing else comes. Maybe he’s driving home, or something. You toss your phone onto your bed, away from easy reach, before you can start overthinking what this silence means again. 

Your reflection in your window mirrors the same scene you’d encountered in the bathroom: you, hair bundled up in a wet towel, bare-faced with a stupid grin across it. You’re so caught up in the act of reeling from Jeno’s three texts that you belatedly notice a square of light beyond your bedroom window. You almost duck out of sight when you see a shadow there, thinking about crying bloody murder, until you realize it’s Jaemin, who’s watching the ridiculous expression on your face with a curious gaze from a distance. He’s still in the same clothes he’d worn to the party, but you can see, even from this far away, that there’s this dark patch on it that looks suspiciously close to the way your shirt had on the day his coke had emptied itself out on your back. That must’ve been from the crash earlier, you deduce. 

You think he’s just zoning out facing in your direction, and you find there’s no need to meet his gaze, but there’s still something a little unsettling about having someone spacing out in your general direction, so you reach up to pull your blinds down. Your hand almost reaches the string, but Jaemin’s hand suddenly starts going up too, like it’s trying to follow you, and you freeze in your movements. His keeps going, though, up until it’s close to his face, and suddenly, he’s moving it side to side, in some weird regular pattern.

He’s waving, your tired, overworked brain tells you belatedly. The string of your blinds tickles the tip of your fingers. 

Unsure and a little self-conscious, you wave back, hoping he doesn’t notice that you were about two strong pulls away from drawing yourself out of sight. This is clearly the right response, because even from this distance, you can see the brilliant white of his teeth as he smiles, fully and unabashedly, at you. 

The first thing you do when you wake up the following morning is check your phone. You’re not even really sure what you’re looking for — maybe a text from Jeno, who, if you think about it now, probably has nothing to say in response to your boring ‘goodnight’ anyway (but you can still dream), or maybe a missed call or two from Renjun, who should at least be offering you some explanation as to why he was completely out of sight after parting ways with you and Mark Lee last night. 

Unfortunately, there’s nothing on your screen, apart from the stupid 번장 notification that tells you the pocket punch board you’ve been wanting for no good reason has been discounted by the seller to a price you still can’t reasonably afford anyway. 

You certainly can’t do anything about Jeno’s lack of contact, and to be completely honest with yourself, you’re not even really that sure if you want to. Something about yesterday’s conversation, while not exactly a train wreck, makes you very nervous to have a full conversation with him, and you’d much rather it stick to very basic, kindergarten-level things, like ‘you look cute’ and ‘haha’ and ‘:)’, but since that isn’t completely in your control, you decide you simply don’t want to do anything about it.

Renjun, however, is a completely different matter. You don’t understand why he’s ignoring you if he is, considering you had spent the better part of the night (at least, the parts during which you weren’t crying on your lawn) looking for him, so this silence, if deliberate, doesn’t seem fair or even reasonable. You decide that it’s much too early to be getting an earful from you in the end, so you just send a very emphatic ‘WRU?????????????????’ through both text message, KakaoTalk, and Facebook Messenger to him, hoping the repetition of both sentiment and punctuation mark through multiple platforms is enough to faux-yell to him what you’d otherwise be real-yelling to him over the line. You can’t tell if it gives you any sense of comfort to see he hasn’t been online and active for the last 15 hours. 

All the tossing and turning of last night, courtesy of the endless loop replay of “I want you to like me — just me” Lee Jeno edition, had consequently left you worse for wear; you’d gotten up at the rising of the sun (something you’d sworn never to do during the weekend) and had opted to just stay in bed for another hour, trying so hard to get over the feeling of his fingers against your skin that you end up committing it to long-term memory. The sunlight peeking through your blinds is what gets you to throw off your covers and admit defeat to the fact that sleep would never come back at this rate, and you decide to just head down, rubbing the lethargy out of your eyes before you make a poor man’s breakfast. You’re halfway through the jelly slice of your sandwich when your sister comes through the doorway, yawning loud to announce her presence. 

“G’morning, bedhead baby,” she greets, and you use the non-knife-holding hand you have free to rake through your hair. “Big rager last night, huh?” 

“Yeah — wait, how’d you know?” 

“We live a door down from Jaemin oppa’s house? Na Jaemin? Our next door neighbor and his whole family? We can see out the window into his lawn? Sometimes we get our sidewalk trash cans mixed up with theirs? Hello?” Sooyeon smirks, albeit a little sluggishly, as you wave her grating words away. “I saw you out there with him, you know.”

“With who? Where? Who?” You demand, your jelly-laden knife freezing in mid-air, the grape blobs slipping dangerously off the edge onto the middle of your bread.

“You. And Jaemin oppa,” she says each syllable slowly. “In front of our house.” 

“Oh.” 

“So usually how these conversations go is: I bring up a juicy piece of information pertaining to you, and because you experienced it first hand, you have to then expound on the piece of information, thereby making it juicier. ‘Oh’ doesn’t cut it. Not by a long shot.” 

“There’s not much to tell.” You wonder, briefly, if you’re now obligated to bring up the Jeno aspect of the night — which, for all intents and purposes, honestly felt like more of a big deal than anything else — but you quickly decide against it, chickening out when she approaches you at the counter and starts unscrewing the lid of the peanut butter jar. That might be giving too much away, considering she didn’t even seem to notice that you’d been bawling when you’d crossed the property line. “He just walked me back here.”

“Oh, yeah, because that’s what people who live next to each other in a not-so-close-knit community do: walk each other two steps home, to keep the baddies away.” 

“He’s just a naturally nice person, I think. Most people are, aren’t they?”

“I thought you guys were close. Didn’t he give you his varsity jacket? That sounds like a closeness thing.” She knots her index and middle finger together, and you slap it away. 

“We’re close only in the same way as you are.” When she gives you a quizzical look, you sigh. “Proximity-wise.” 

“Still doesn’t explain why he was out there, caressing your hair lovingly.”

You freeze, as opposed to Sooyeon’s comically relaxed posture as she scrapes the peanut butter across your other slice of bread. “He… was not. Caressing me. My hair. Lovingly.”

“I have eyes for the sake of seeing.”

“There was just something in it. In my hair. A leaf.” 

You’re not sure why you lie; the largest part of the reason is that you don’t want to have to go into the horrifyingly awkward details of your emotional state last night, but there’s something oddly nagging at you that you can’t quite place. It takes a minute of staring at your sister spreading the peanut butter evenly across the bread and humming to herself while closing the sandwich up that you realize that you don’t want her getting the wrong impression about anything.

Which is weird, because there’s nothing to misunderstand. 

Jaemin, albeit the fact that he’s been chattier to you as of late, more so than any other time in your life, is still just your neighbor. Maybe he’s graduated from being your sort-of acquaintance to something that vaguely resembles an arm-distance-ish friend, but the notion that you’re anything closer than that makes you feel a bit strange — almost like it… scares you, which is extra weird to think about, because there’s actually nothing inherently harmful about being casual buddies with some guy who lives close enough to wave at you from his window. 

Maybe it’s because it’s Jaemin, and that’s what might be tripping you up the most. He’s not just Jeno’s friend; he’s practically some kind of counterpart to him, and it feels weirdly like a line you can’t cross. Or maybe it’s because… Jeno had asked you about him last night, which had made you feel even stranger. Like he’d been worried about something — like Jaemin was a no-go zone for him, specifically. 

As you dully watch your sister take a bite off of your breakfast, it dawns on you: maybe you just don’t want people to think you like anyone other than Jeno. 

“Okay, well, you know better than I do,” she singsongs in a tone that tells you that you actually don’t. Sooyeon doesn’t press, but she also doesn’t make you feel like the conversation is over — even if she trills I’m going back up; thanks for the sandwich in that same voice before leaving you alone in the kitchen with half of it on the plate. 

Because the truth is that you don’t really know; you don’t know what’s so unsettling about being associated with Jaemin. Your sister’s not aware of the intricate ins and outs of your (delusional) relationship with Jeno, apart from your (apparently evident to everyone) crush on him, but you also know she’s not really deeply invested in where your heart lies; all she does is make conversation, as is her personality, as a form of bonding you’ve never really quite been able to navigate well. 

You just don’t get why the mention of Jaemin, now, makes you feel… something. What that is, you’d rather not dwell on. So you just won’t. 

You’re walking out of the kitchen, cheeks filled with peanut butter and jelly, when you see block letters on cloth, spelling out a familiar last name: Na. 

You still haven’t given back Jaemin’s stupid jacket. 

Today is the day, you decide. This seems to have started the whole conversation to begin with: the jacket that somehow brought Jaemin two steps closer into your life, the article of clothing that had opened the door to what shouldn’t even be a talking point between you and anyone else. 

This should be the proverbial swan song for this whole topic; you snatch up his jacket (and immediately regret doing so in such a brutish manner, noticing you’ve got a few specks of breadcrumbs on the lettering) and head out of your house, your bedroom slippers absorbing morning dew as you march yourself over to your neighbor’s. You should’ve done this earlier, really; there was no reason for you to hold on to it. 

Honestly, you’d just forgotten, given that you were more preoccupied with things that started with L and ended with ee Jeno, but you’d rather not extend any more misunderstandings. 

And even if Jeno isn’t here to see this grand closing gesture, maybe, just maybe, this will help you stop feeling so cagey about everything he’d asked last night. 

I want you to like me — just me. 

Because why would he even think you liked Jaemin at all? Or make it sound like he thought you did? Ridiculous. Unfounded. Kind of alarming. 

There’s noise in the air the closer you get to the Na household porch; it sounds a bit muffled, like it’s fighting the breeze, but you realize thereafter that it’s music coming from a tiny speaker sitting on the hand railing. It’s playing Dongbangshinki’s Here I Am, and something about that song stirs your stomach into swooping ten miles down as you approach. 

Your initial plan was to ring the doorbell and pray that Jaemin was still knocked out cold on a Saturday morning so you could pass the jacket off to one of his parents and be done with it, but you’ve no such luck; it seems like he’s an early riser, considering how he’s seated right there, on a wicker chair by his door, hunched over a half-played chess board. There’s no one across him to block his view of you coming up the steps, and he looks up the moment he hears the creaks of the wood under your feet. 

“Hey, ______________,” he doesn’t look surprised; in fact, he looks a bit relieved, for some inexplicable reason. “Didn’t think you’d be up so early.”

“Could say the same for you.” You have no idea what causes heat to flush across your cheeks; has Na Jaemin’s gaze always been this intense? “Um. Good morning?”

“Morning.” His laugh is an easy one; it always has been, and it kind of suits him, you note, before you realize how weird it is to think that. “What’ve you got there? Gift for me?” 

“Wha — oh, yeah, I mean — no, but it is for you.” You hold up his jacket, hooked on your forefinger, to reveal it to him. “Sorry it took so long to give it back.”

This time, he actually looks a bit taken aback. “Did you stop needing it?” 

“Um… I haven’t really used it, if I’m being honest.”

“Oh. Well, there wasn’t any rush. You could’ve kept it for as long as you needed. No pressure, or anything. I’ve got others.”

“You don’t need it at practice, or anything like that?”

“No; most guys don’t even keep theirs. They give them away, for… you know. So it’s no big deal.”

You fall silent; for some reason, his tone makes it seem like he wants you to keep it, which is just preposterous. You instead hang the jacket onto the back of the wicker chair opposite him and step back, like you’ve just set up a land mine you’re afraid of detonating. 

“Well, thank you all the same. I really… appreciate your help. That day. You know.” You’re not sure why you can’t form any sentences long enough to signify you do actually belong in the same year level as him, but he at least doesn’t comment on your ineloquence.

Instead, he just stares for a bit, at the jacket and your retreating hand, before piping up over his music. 

“You wanna play a round?” 

“What? Oh, I’m…” You wave your hands aimlessly. “I’m not good at chess. Actually, I barely know the rules. Plus, you seem kind of busy playing against… your imaginary friend?”

He chuckles again. “Just playing myself.”

“Trying to outfox the old fox?”

“Sometimes it helps to know how you’d get out of a sticky situation you made by your own doing. Helps you see what your opponent sees when it all boils down to it.” He gestures again at the chair across him. “Humor me a little. It’s not as fun just talking to yourself.”

You hesitate for a second; you came here to return the jacket, and that much was done easily, albeit a little more awkwardly than you ever wanted to. Jaemin’s aura is laid back and friendly, but you’re not sure why you’re teetering on the edge of panic again. Jeno’s words seem to be echoing in your head.

And Jaemin is…?

Jaemin is your next-door neighbor, it’s true, but you can’t say that’s really your only point of connection; if it were, he wouldn’t be expectantly waiting for you to take the seat across from him. And when you look at his hand now, idle against the chessboard, you can’t say you aren’t thinking of the way it patted your hair soothingly the night before. All that does is make you wonder the exact same thing Jeno asked you. 

What is Jaemin to you? A friend, perhaps, and definitely a nice person — nice enough to help you out, keep you company during a few low points. He’s a person willing to listen to you, funny enough to lift your spirits, and genial enough to not break your fingers for returning his things way too late (a low bar, but a good one nonetheless). Na Jaemin is a good individual, with pretty good music taste (based on the fact that his playlist, trudging on next to him, is now playing H.O.T.’s Happiness), and a good disposition about him that seems to make no small amount of people gravitate towards him. 

But you don’t really want to dwell on what Jaemin is to you; more than that, you can only really be reminded of what he isn’t. 

He isn’t Jeno. 

And Jeno knows you like him; he’s not only noticed it but confirmed it multiple times in a single conversation. Surely, then, nothing else should matter to him — or, for that matter, to you. 

You swallow down the refusal and nod, trying not to read into the fact that Jaemin’s face lights up when you pull the chair back and settle down on it. 

“So let me get this straight; you don’t know how to play chess?”

“I know a couple of pieces go in weird directions,” you admit. “That’s about it.” 

“Perfect.” His long fingers drum against the wood of the table. “I’m going to whip you into competitive chess-playing shape, my young pupil.” 

What starts off as a casual, humor-filled lesson on the roles of each chess piece suddenly becomes an actual lecture; you’re not sure if Jaemin is getting a kick out of instructing a rookie like you on the different plays — which are infinite, a fact he’s drilled into you several times — or if he’s really just enthusiastic about the game (no, sorry, sport, since he’s chastised you about three times on this terminology already), but whatever the reason is, you have chess pounded into your brain for the better part of an hour. By the time he asks you to actually start playing against him, the sun’s fully up in the air and you’ve had to tie your hair up to keep it from sticking to your neck. 

“I’m glad you got home safe last night,” he hums, pushing his black pawn to meet yours in the middle of the board. The Italian Game, he called it — not to be confused with serenading someone over pasta, a different kind of Italian game. That had gotten a long laugh out of you. Your hands flit over the white pieces, unsure of your memory. You only respond when you’ve moved your bishop to the same row. 

“Well, it was a very long and tumultuous journey, but I managed, with some help.” 

His knight comes out next, smoothly and quickly; you pause, rubbing the back of your neck. Surely, there was something else he’d taught you? 

“What a chivalrous, ah, knight, that person must’ve been.” He raps a knuckle onto the table, starting you out of the act of racking your brain. “Perfect joke. Well-timed. Excellent chess pun. I think I deserve an award.”

“Does whooping my ass two moves into the game count as a prize?”

“I don’t want to rob you of the feeling of hope this early in the match. Take your time,” he chuckles, leaning back against the throw cushion behind him. He fiddles with the speaker, and the songs skip one by one, until he lands on a song you don’t know — some Japanese track that sounds suspiciously like an animation opening. It’s lively and admittedly a bit loud, and Jaemin hums to the guitar riffs with surprising accuracy. “Anything interesting happen when I left?”

You freeze for a moment, your fingers still hovering over your own knight in hesitation. You know what he’s asking, and for some reason, you’re tempted to tell him — then you remember that it actually isn’t really his business, and you don’t want to embarrass yourself. 

“Not really.” You feign casual disinterest as you move your knight above your pawn line; from here on out, you have no clue what to do. Jaemin, on the other hand, is so sure-footed about his own skills (which are infinitely more advanced than yours) that he doesn’t even take his eyes off you to look at the board as he moves his next piece. You’re stuck thinking about what to do again — in the game, that is. Not about his gaze, which you try to avoid. “Just, you know. Talked with Jeno for a bit. Nothing major.”

Nothing major to him, you remind yourself. To you, your entire world had just been flipped over onto its belly.

Jaemin hums again, this time in understanding, but you notice (from your very surreptitious glances of him) that this time, it seems like he’s choosing what to do. You think it’s for the game, but when he counteracts your own (poorly planned) move with a swift response from his own pieces, you get the odd feeling he’s trying to choose his words carefully. 

“Was it a conversation where you all got along?”

You hadn’t argued, but you’d never really thought about the whole stint long enough to classify it as good or bad. You supposed it wasn’t anything horrible in the end, although the fact that it had robbed you of precious hours of sleep wasn’t exactly the best outcome. But Jaemin’s not watching your expression now; he’s intently looking at the board, even if he’s not the one about to make the next move. 

You get the feeling he’s suddenly avoiding eye contact too, which is weird, because he’s never been one to shy away from looking you straight in the eye. For some reason, that makes you feel like he doesn’t want to hear an answer. 

“It was fine. Nothing… bad happened.” You know that’s true, but somehow you feel like it’s still not truth. “He explained… stuff. Who she was. Why it happened. Totally understandable stuff, I think.” 

You choose not to mention anything apart from that — that he’d asked you to like him, nor that he’d asked you about your relationship with Jaemin. More than deciding it wasn’t going to be anything contributive to the conversation at hand, you also just didn’t want to. 

Jaemin stays silent for a while; he moves his piece, then taps his queen — for some reason, he’s letting you know something about his next move. What it is, you haven’t puzzled out; it’s not like you know which direction he’d be taking, and even if you did, you’d surely not know how to respond to it, anyway. You guess he’s just throwing you a bone, but why he would, you also just don’t see the reason for. 

You’re pushing your pawn hesitantly diagonal to capture one of his when he speaks up again. 

“Did he tell you how it ended? With the two of them, I mean.”

He says it so calmly, capturing your bishop with his queen in the process, that you feel like you’re just talking about the weather and who won yesterday’s league basketball match. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, clearing your throat, but you only actually manage to shake your head. 

“She cheated on him. Some college guy that she met during her orientation; you know she’s older than him, right? He’s never dated seriously since then. I think he was really hung up on her for a while — until recently, that is. I think. He hasn’t been that close to many girls.” 

“That’s… that’s awful.” You’re not sure why Jaemin’s telling you this; it honestly feels illegal to know. “I didn’t think… anyone would. Cheat on him, I mean.” 

“Even good-looking bastards like him can have rotten luck.” Jaemin’s smile borders on wry. “I don’t know why she showed up, honestly. Word probably got around… but she probably just wanted to know what would happen if she stirred something up with him one last time. He likely didn’t see it coming.” 

You stare at the board, unsure of what to say. It makes sense, but something doesn’t really sit right with you either — why Jeno would let her come close to him at all, let alone allow her to completely eliminate the distance between his mouth and hers for longer than a second. Even thinking about it makes you want to throw up all over again. 

“But deep down, I don’t know if Jeno completely got over her.” Jaemin continues, snapping you out of your short trance. “For a while after, they kept in touch. I think they even tried to work it out, but… obviously, it wasn’t easy. Until now… I’m not really sure.” 

“Why,” you swallow hard. “Why… are you… why should I…”

“It’s not easy to be a player when you don’t know much about the game, is it?” He’s still staring at the board, but you get the sense that he isn’t just talking about chess. “Like I said, Jeno’s a pretty complicated guy. It’s not really my place to say anything, but…” Jaemin’s eyes flit upward for a second, and he offers you a small, almost pitying smile. “I think you need to know anyway.” 

“But it has nothing to do with me. His life… I mean, his ex, and stuff.”

“I’m not too sure about that. If you like him that much… doesn’t that just mean you want to be part of his life?” He topples a pawn of yours, but you barely register the clattering noise or the fact that he drags it unceremoniously off the board. “I think you should at least know what you’re getting into. Jeno hasn’t liked someone seriously for a while, but you seem… to be the opposite. How much do you actually know about what he’s like?”

You don’t know why that kind of hurts your feelings; maybe it’s just because you have to face some kind of truth about how you don’t know much about Jeno’s private life, as badly as you want to. You even have to hear about it from someone else — someone easily kicking your ass in a dumb chess match. 

“I think everyone has baggage,” you say slowly, pushing your rook forward. You realize it’s trapped behind two different pawns, so you’ve essentially backed the piece into its own corner. Jaemin doesn’t seem to care; he’s too busy executing what clearly is a ten-stage strategic win on the other side of the board. You don’t really care.

“That’s true,” he concedes, toppling your knight. “But some more than others, I think.” 

“If he wanted me to know, he would’ve told me, right? Yesterday, I mean.”

“That’s may also be true, although I can’t say that with absolute certainty.” He looks thoughtful, and the pause gives you a bit of reprieve — enough to make a bad move that you instantly regret the moment you put your one remaining bishop on a square. Something like amusement flickers across Jaemin’s face, but he doesn’t make a move immediately. “Do you know what makes chess such a great game? In my opinion, anyway.” 

“No?” The uncertainty in your voice is from a lack of understanding at the sudden shift in topic. 

“Whenever you play someone, you get to see what they’re like — what their priorities are, you know?” His finger lands on a rook, inching it back and forth with idle intent. “You see how their mind works, what they’re like when they’re winning or losing, and what they think of you. Check, by the way.” 

You’re silent as his rook captures your bishop, and he picks your fallen piece up and sets it aside with his growing pile of white. 

“I’ve actually asked Jeno to play with me a few times, just for the fun of it. Sore loser,” he laughs lightly, one hand reaching out to lower the volume of his music. You notice the opening bars of Winner’s Really Really come through moments before it’s toned down. “Doesn’t really know or care about the rules, but he really likes to win. That’s kind of what makes him the star player on the team, actually. He really hates being backed into a corner, but all that focus on winning kind of tunnels his vision sometimes. Leaves him open to some attacks from another angle. He really hates that — which is probably why we barely play chess together in the first place. Apart from the fact that he thinks it’s boring.” 

You’re staring at your pieces, now very pitifully winnowed down in number, and you feel stuck. You’re not sure what to do, but you’re pretty sure any move is going to make you look dumb in front of Jaemin, who’s clearly a pro — so much so that he seems to know what you’re going to do before you even decide yourself. 

“You know what I like about your playing style, though?” He interrupts your train of thought again. You look up from the board, bemused; you’ve just been struggling to humor him since your first move, and it obviously isn’t working, since he seems more invested in the conversation than in the game. “You’re just trying your best, even if you’re new at this — even if you think you’re going to lose.” 

“I just don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten everything you just said,” you respond, smiling weakly. 

“You can’t always predict what’s going to happen in a game, even if you know the pattern anyway. Isn’t that just natural about anything in life?”

“You seem to know, though,” you grumble, tugging on your ponytail. You throw in the only option you have left: pushing your queen in front of your king as a last line of defense. “You’re barely paying attention to the board.”

“It’s just constant practice — a lot of hard work on my part. I don’t mind the grind of it, if it gets me somewhere good in the end.” 

“So is that the kind of player you are? Just… a hard worker?” 

“Maybe. I like to look at things from every possible angle. I guess that’s why I like chess when most people find it a headache.” He picks up his queen, rolling it in his palm. “Although, I guess Jeno and I have one thing in common — as players, that is.”

“What’s that?”

“I also really hate to lose.” 

His queen knocks over your own with a pitiful clatter, taking its place on the board. When he picks up your piece, instead of adding it to his knockout count, he offers it to you. You take it gingerly, opting to focus more on it than on the soft smile that’s now playing on Jaemin’s lips. 

“Checkmate,” he announces lightly. “Good game, _____________. You’ve got the makings of a star player.” 

“You’re patronizing me, aren’t you?” You sigh as the two of you start resetting the board; you have to watch Jaemin’s pieces get rearranged to position your own. 

“Only a little bit. I see a lot of quiet drive in you.” 

You place the last of your pawns in a neat row; the board looks like it hadn’t even been touched. “Jaemin, how did you and Jeno become this close? You seem… I don’t know.”

“Yeah, we’ve definitely got our unique quirks,” he chuckles softly. “But Jeno and I… we just go way back, I think. When you’re friends with someone from a young age, you tend to grow with them. He’s a good dude, really, even if our personalities are different, and it’s always a fun event so long as he’s around. Well — mostly. I’d say a good ninety-nine percent of the time.” 

You pointedly ignore the sheepish smile he throws your way. 

“You said before that you’re not the type to… you know, share your feelings, and all that. Then how do you… like what do you guys even talk about?”

“What do you and Renjun usually talk about?” Jaemin grins. “Anything and everything, really. Movies, games, why the jerk from Yongsan International gets on our nerves when he chews his gum. We just… have a tendency to be interested in the same things, no matter if our perspectives are different.” 

While talking to Jaemin is fun, you can’t help but feel like he has a tendency to speak in riddles. You still don’t really see any strong similarities in their approaches to their interests, similar as they may be, but what do you know, anyway? It isn’t like you and Renjun are exactly peas in a pod on paper.

His eyes lose focus for a second, hitting somewhere behind your ear before they quickly turn back to you. You have no idea why this makes you feel a little put on the spot. 

“Hey, you want to have brunch here? My mom makes a mean soybean paste stew.”

“Oh,” you press your hand against your stomach, wondering if the swooping feeling in it is from hunger or something unrelated. “No, I actually just ha—”

“_____________?” 

You swivel around in the chair, and your heart stops; you're not the least bit prepared to see Lee Jeno standing at the foot of Jaemin’s porch steps, a quizzical look very clearly etched on his sharp features.

[kyskaisen]

reflections; maki x reader

:not evil

:master list

note: I swear my writing gets better </3

Thunder rolled through, filling the air with boom after boom with a storm coming in from the cold front shown on the weather forecast. Rain drops tattered against the window, racing down the glass in a vicious attempt to claim victory over the other droplets.

Naoya sat in a room with the head of the clan, discussing important business and not even drinking the tea that was prepared for him. He refused, he didn't like red tea, he liked green tea with a drop of honey, just like how you used to make it for him whenever he requested on days he felt simple. He rested his chin in his palm, keeping a bored expression on his face as the Head kept running his mouth, words going in one ear and out the other as Naoya was halfheartedly listening.

"By the way, when's that Hatake coming back? I still haven't heard news of that meek little girl being found dead yet."

"I don't know, I haven't thought about communication," Naoya answers bluntly before he spares a glance outside the small window in the room to get a look at the outside. It was certainly more interesting than the meeting between the two men.

The Head frowned, his already wrinkled forehead creasing as his eyebrows knit closer together and his nose crinkled. "Go find them, damnit. And tell them to hurry up."

Naoya sighed, pausing for a moment before getting up from his spot. He shuffled to the door, sliding it open and stepping out of the room. The open hallway showed the greenery outside which was getting rained on, it looked beautiful in his eyes, though he'd never admit it.

He rushed to his room, speeding past any other wandering clan members and servants. Sometimes he would glance at the people coming and going, and he'd see a small glimpse of you every time. It was safe to say he got a little attached, though if anyone pointed it out he would kill them.

Naoya looked around for something black, since it was almost dark out, and he couldn't just waltz onto campus, even when it's in the evening. There's barriers around the school, Gojo, and the principal. Sneaking in almost sounds impossible if there wasn't such a short staff. There's only so much a handful of sorcerers could do for such a large campus.

On said campus, you were busy in the cafeteria with your newfound friends and friend with benefits, celebrating your birthday.

"SHUSH! THEY'RE GONNA HEAR!" Gojo practically screeched to Toge and Panda who were making comments on what you and Maki might be doing while she led you to the cafeteria, blindfolded. You heard his echo through the hallway, and it already gave away what was going on, not that your birthday being marked and circled in red on the calendar in the training room wasn't enough. Everyone else was acting weird, or maybe special, since you weren't really used to all the affection yet. You knew it was your birthday, every year Naoya would make a comment on it then go about his business.

"You're loud enough!" Panda shot back before Gojo was ushering the other boys behind the corner of the cafeteria. Yours and Maki's footsteps echoed through the hallway as she was guiding you by your hand.

"Those idiots probably ruined the whole idea of a surprise party," Maki grumbles, rolling her eyes as the two of you got closer to the cafeteria. You hummed as you shrugged behind her, "I'll just pretend I had no idea."

"That'll be even worse, Gojo's just gonna get more excited," Maki chuckles as you two turn the corner, finally walking in and turning on the lights. She lifted the blindfold from your eyes, revealing a very over-decorated cafeteria with streamers covering all the walls and balloons around almost every table.

"SURPRISE!!"

"Happy birthday, Y/n!!"

You deadpanned your expression at the loud cheering in your ear. A large cake sat on one of the tables with candles on it, and if the candle wish thing did come true, it really would just be you and Maki right now. You walked over to the table, ignoring the others as you sat down, taking a fork and digging in all by yourself.

Everyone else looked at you like you're crazy, watching you eat away at the cake. Eventually you felt everyone's eyes boring holes into your head, so you turned around and found everyone staring.

"What? It's my cake anyways."

"You could at least share with your precious sensei?!"

"As much as I'd like to thank you for the cake, Gojo, it's still my first celebrated birthday, I get to eat the cake however I please," you remarked as you took another fork from the table. "Don't just stand there, Maki."

"WHAT?! How come she gets some?!"

"Because I didn't overreact like you guys did!"

"It's your birthday, of course we're gonna be excited!"

You rolled your eyes as Maki sat down next to you, taking the fork and eating away at your cake. "Damn, this is good," she comments with a smirk, taking another bite. "I got good taste."

"Wait, you picked it out?"

"Yeah, Gojo took me to the bakery and asked me to pick one out, so I went with the one I thought you might like best."

"Considerate," you chuckle, looking beyond the cake and at her with a glint in your eyes. She blushed a bit, grinning back at you as she took yet another bite.

"You're really getting into that cake, huh."

"It's really good. Now I kinda wish it was my birthday."

"Too bad," you grin a bit, shuffling in your spot. Outside the window, across the entire campus for that matter, Naoya had to pay close attention to where his feet went on the dirt. If he'd stepped on even one twig it would alert Gojo of his presence, and frankly he wasn't in the mood to deal with him.

Sneaking through the forest at Jujutsu Tech is not how he imagined spending his evening: careful not to step on a twig or brush against a bush, lightening his footsteps and not breathing so loud. If any one of the those things were to go sideways he risked getting caught, and his senses were at their highest, so he really was not hoping to fail.

When Naoya saw light eventually coming from the main building, which was a long walk away from the cafeteria where you were sitting, a weight left his shoulders and he began to relax a bit. He knew it was around 11 p.m, so he wouldn't have to wait long before the lights went out and he'd have to be on stealth mode again, turning off his channel of cursed energy temporarily just so he won't be noticed sneaking around looking for you.

When the lights did go out, he immediately hopped out from the bush he was hiding in and slowly opened the front door, sneaking in and looking around to see if anyone was still out. He almost bumped into the wall so many times because of how dark it was, but he couldn't exactly turn on a light unless he wanted to get himself caught.

He finally made it to the girls side of the dorms, hastily looking around for yours. People's names were in a plaster on the front of the door so looking for your special last name written in bold. There weren't very many since Jujutsu sorcerers are such a minority, so he didn't have to look for much until he was stuck between two doors. One of them, which had a light coming through the bottom crack of the room behind it, and another one, dark. His whole body warmed up as he ultimately went with the one where he would be least likely to get caught, and went with the latter option.

He carefully slid open the door, narrowing his eyes as he was immediately met with a pitch black. The only exception was the minuscule light coming from across the hall which wasn't even enough to form his own silhouette. He tiptoed into what he made out to be your room when he glanced at the bold name on the plaster, eyes zipping around for any sign of you now that he adjusted to the darkness. Nothing.

He heard voices coming from across the hall, and he quickly but quietly slid your door closed, hiding next to the dresser right next to your doorway as he waited for you to open it up again. When he does hear the door slide open with a crisp sound, he tenses, hearing your footsteps slowly pitter patter against the hardwood floor. His arm carefully reached around the dresser, flipping on the light switch and turning on the light.

You whipped around, almost screaming when you saw him standing there before he rushed over and pressed his hand against your mouth.

He took his hood off from his head and took off his mask, revealing hid all too familiar smug looking face that now looked a bit annoyed. He held up his finger to his mouth as he twitched his head back to suggest to whoever was across the hall.

"What're you doing here?!" you whisper yelled once he removed his hand, frowning as you scolded him. He rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, looking around the messy room. "Naobito sent me, said he's getting impatient."

"That's just too damn bad, isn't it?" you remarked quietly, stepping away from Naoya and shutting your bathroom door. He pauses for a moment before lifting a brow, "What the hell does that mean?"

"You really think I give a shit if he's impatient? What's gonna happen again if I don't kill Maki? Execution? How's he gonna do that? I'm all the way up here and he's stuck being Head of the clan."

"You're hesitating?" he snarls, stepping closer with a frown. You scrunch up your face and lightly push him back a bit, "If I am?"

Naoya clicked his tongue as he looked around the room- at anything other than you. He tapped his foot angrily against the floor, causing a light clacking from the bottom of his shoe. "You know you're supposed to kill her and be done with it, right?"

"What happens if you find out I ditched it? What, you gonna snitch on me to Naobito about it?"

"I should!" He whispered, getting closer as his scowl worsened. His eyebrows were fiercely knit together and his nose was scrunched up and rippled, and his eyes were narrowed. You stared right back at him with a daring face, your own eyes narrowed as you pursed your lips.

"I should snitch to him," he echoed, huffing before scratching the back of his neck. You lift an eyebrow at him, emphasizing for him to continue.

"But I'm not going to." he sighed, stepping back a bit. Your lifted brow raised even higher at his behavior, because this is not how Naoya would normally act. The smug, annoying son of a bitch is the one who's going lie straight to the Head's face just to make sure nothing happens to you because that's just how much he really cares, not that he would do it for just anyone else. Naoya Zenin, the unlovable asshole, lying to protect you, his longtime servant. Now that's a surprise if you've ever seen one.

What the hell was he even doing? You and him both know he could get in trouble for it if the Head ever found out about the lying, yet Naoya's still here, telling you he won't snitch.

"Why?" you ask curtly, frowning as you bite the inside of your cheek. He looks at you with hooded eyes and a stern expression, his usually fixed hair now matted, casting a small shadow on his face. "You know why."

"No, I don't know why. Just tell me, stop making it so hard," you rush, folding your arms and tapping your foot impatiently against the ground. He sees how haste you're getting, by the sharp glint in your eye and your squared shoulders. He sighs again out of annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment.

"Because I don't want to mess up your birthday," he lied after removing his hand from his nose. You gave him a look of disbelief, incredulity, as you scoffed. "You expect me to believe that? Since when did you care about my birthday?"

"I'm not evil," he glares at you, waiting for a moment for a response before he steps towards the door, placing a hand on it for a moment. You don't even spare him a quarter turn, and he can tell, he can't feel your hateful gaze boring holes into his skull. He huffs, his breath slightly hitching as he slowly slides open the door, being careful of the light that still seeps under the crack across the hall. He closes the door behind him, tiptoeing back down the hallway.

You stand there for a moment, in the middle of your own room, feeling out of place for what seemed to be for the rest of this perpetual hour. It hadn't even turned midnight, it was still your sweet sixteen and Naoya had to come and ruin it. You were used to things along the lines of that, like someone ruining your day of peace.

You shake your head, rolling your eyes as you do before deciding you didn't need to be in here, not after Naoya. So you decided to go across the hall, back to Maki's room where you'd just previously been.

You knock on her door gently, waiting for another moment before the door slides open. "Back already? I would've thought you're already getting tired of me."

"No," you reply bluntly, stepping past her and shuffling around her messy room, eventually plopping down on Maki's bed. Her gaze averted from the door to you, sliding it closed and strolling back over to you with a blank face. "So...whatcha doin' back here?"

"I didn't wanna be alone tonight," you confess, lying flat on your back, staring at the ceiling with your own hands intertwined on your chest. Your eyebrows knit, making a crease on your nose as you sit in silence. Maki's bed dips to your right as she got in next to you, lying flat on her back as well.

The two of you sat in silence, simply staring at the ceiling fan as it went round and round at a speed your eyes couldn't even keep up with. You thought it would make you dizzy enough to make you fall asleep, but it didn't work. Maki's presence lingers right next to you, just inches away from you, filling your senses to the brim.

"So you didn't wanna be alone, huh?" she repeats, eventually turning her head to face you after what seemed like 5 minutes of uncomfortable silence. You nod wordlessly, feeling your heart pound in your chest as you let out a deep exhale. Maki lifted a concerned brow as her eyes read your clearly stressed expression. "What's got you worked up?"

"I'm not worked up," you glance at her with rough eyes, catching a glimpse of Naoya right outside the window as he was starting to sneak off campus. Your breath almost gets stuck in your throat before Maki does the favor of breaking the silence. "That's a lie. Any blind man can see you're tense."

"I'm not," you grumble looking back up at the ceiling and pretending you never saw Naoya. Maki hummed incredulously, crossing her arms and turning on her side to face you. "I don't believe you. Tell me what's wrong."

"I don't care if you don't believe me, nothing's wrong."

"Y/n, no one just randomly comes into their friend with benefits' room at 11:30 at night just because they didn't wanna be alone."

"That's a valid reason."

"Not when you look like that."

"Rude," you mumble, turning on your side nonetheless to face her, resting your hands under her pillow. Maki lifted a brow when she saw you fully, letting out an exhale. "So, what's wrong?"

"I already told you, nothing's wrong," you frowned as you mumbled through your otherwise pursed lips. Her face remained unfazed, like she didn't even hear you as her lifted brow stayed raised.

"That's bullshit," she grunts, finally changing her expression and frowning to herself. Her sharp gaze looked like it was piercing right through your facade, and your mind conjured up the idea that she already knew Naoya had dropped a visit. Your jaw clenched on its own, your teeth gritting against the other row as you sat there, having an undeclared staring contest as the time passed, carefully listening to the raindrops tattering against the window.

She'll find out eventually, one way or another, you think to yourself as the staring contest doesn't falter. It'd been silent for so long that you were beginning to think you said that out loud.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready," you grumble, frowning even more as you scoot closer to her unexpectedly warm embrace. Maki's cheeks flush red as the blood rushes to them, feeling your arms wrap around her as you snuggle your face into her chest and your hands come around to play with her hair. "For now, just let me be."

Maki sighed, letting her chest rise and cave for a moment while her hands came up to cradle your head, laying in a fetal position. The fan spinning around in her room did nothing to help the heat in her cheeks, ears and neck, and it was only getting worse the longer the two of you stayed like that.

Eventually the silence was slowly lulling you to sleep out of comfort, and soon enough your eyes were drooping until you fell asleep in her chest. Maki's eyes glanced over at the clock behind you which read 1:01 in the morning, and she almost scoffed at herself until she listened to your even breathing, and then she realized you'd fallen asleep. She sighs quietly before gently reaching across to turn off her lamp and finally let herself fall asleep.

[ladykailitha]

All My Roads Lead Back to You Part 10

My posting schedule went a tad skiwampus with the First Kiss fic and with it being Memorial Day tomorrow and all that entails with my family I’ll be too busy to post. So...you get this today!

Dustin tells Eddie what really went down with Steve’s last partner Andy. Edie and Harri are beyond thrilled about their dads friendship blossoming. And Steve’s views on fantasy novels are the author’s own (no hate in the comments and tags please).

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

***

Band practice rolled around again and Steve was finally able to use Dustin’s new ear plugs. The little twerp was right. They fit snugly in the ear without feeling like he was under water. He sat in the front room reading, nearby the garage in case they needed anything.

There was a knock on the door and Steve looked up to see Eddie smiling at him.

“Eddie!” he said with a smile. He scrambled to take out the plugs and put back in his hearing aid. “Are they done already?” He looked at his watch, but it read barely after eight.

Eddie grinned back. “Nah, just wanted to say hi. I got done with my stuff early and figured it would be fun to spend it with company.”

Steve pulled off his glasses and put them away. He was about to set the book next them when it was snatched out his hands.

“Good Omens?” Eddie asked, with a raised eyebrow.

Steve laughed. “Jeff lent it to me. It’s not bad.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “Not bad? You are calling on of the best fantasy novels of our generation ‘not bad’.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s not my thing I guess.”

Eddie pressed his fingers into his eye frustration. “You’re going to finish it, at least, I hope.”

Steve smiled up at him. “Sure. It’s not like I hate it or anything. I’m enjoying it, I’m just not...um...” He pursed his lips together.

“No, please go on,” Eddie said in that teasing tone Steve missed.

“Freaking out over it?” Steve finished with a grimace.

Eddie laughed. “God, man. Do you ever change?”

Steve rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I think we both know that I’ve changed a lot since high school.”

Eddie threw himself next to Steve on the sofa. “Nah. You would call Tommy H. and Carol off all the time. I think you just realized you didn’t have to pretend to be something you weren’t.”

Steve blushed. “Thanks, man. But I’m only a barely reformed mean girl.”

Eddie laughed. “Okay, maybe a little.”

They sat there talking about the fantasy books that Steve had read and what his favorites were.

“I enjoyed the ‘Incarnations of Immortality’ by Piers Anthony up until the last one,” Steve admitted.

“Evil was soo good,” Eddie agreed, “it was hard to come with a finale that came close to that brilliance.”

“Exactly!” Steve replied excitedly. “Time was a little weird.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “And boring too. Who would have thought that someone living backwards could be so uninteresting!”

Steve laughed.

And it was then that Edie and Harri came into the room.

Eddie looked over at his son with a smile. “You guys done?”

Harri nodded. “Yeah. I’m ready to go whenever you are.”

Eddie patted Steve on the knee and then used it to help him stand. “See you around, Harrington.” He winked.

Steve grinned back. “Laters, Munson.”

After Harri and Eddie left Edie turned to her dad and raised an eyebrow. “That was certainly interesting.”

“What?” Steve asked as he put on his glasses to go back to his book.

“You looked friendly.”

Steve looked up at her over his glasses. “I’m not sure you’re aware of this, but we were friends at one point.”

“You know you keep saying that,” Edie said, flopping on the sofa next to him. “But like how?”

“Turns out that we had more in common than we thought,” he said, setting the book aside. He knew he wasn’t going to get back to it at this point.

“Like what?” she asked, curling up to his side.

Steve put his arm around her and pulled her in close. “Our music tastes, for one. He thought I would be like Aunt Nancy and like pop and synth. But I was closer to Robin’s tastes with bands like The Cure, Depech Mode, and REM. Which aligned closer to his tastes of Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Dio...the list goes on. I opened up his mind to other genres of music and he helped find metal that wouldn’t make head hurt.”

“That’s so cool,” Edie said.

“I got him into mysteries and he got me into fantasy books,” Steve continued, softly stroking her hair. “Uncle Dusty kept trying to push fantasy on me. But not Eddie. He’d listen to my tastes and found books he’d thought I’d like.”

“Sounds like a good guy,” Edie murmured, almost asleep.

“He was,” Steve said. “After your mother and I finalized the divorce, I tried reaching out. But it wasn’t a good time. They were in the middle of the surrogacy of Harri and I was in a bad place. Jeff told me that Jay was good for Eddie and wait until after the baby was born if I still wanted to be friends.”

“And did you want to be friends?” she slurred, seconds from sleep.

“No, honey,” Steve said as she drifted off to sleep. “I was more in love with him than I’d ever been.”

*

Edie woke up on sofa, her pillow under her head and her blanket over her body. When she was little Steve would carry her to bed, but she had long outgrew his ability to do so. But he always went out of his way to make her comfortable.

She got ready for school and kissed him goodbye. He had an early meeting at work and she had drive herself again. She didn’t mind driving, but she missed their talks on the way to and from school.

When she got to school Harri was waiting for her. “Hey, Miss Thing!”

Edie fist bumped him. “H-man! To what do I owe the pleasure of your company on this fine Thursday in hell?”

Harri laughed. “You know, it wasn’t until our dads met that I realized how much you remind me of mine.”

Edie giggled. “Is he an over the top nerd with dramatic tendencies, too?”

Harri looked her in the eye and said, “Yes.”

Edie’s giggle turned into a full on belly laugh. “Duly noted.”

“So...our dads were looking pretty cozy on your couch last night,” he said, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Edie rolled her eyes. “I know, right? Dad swears that they were just catching up.”

“Same,” Harri said. “But my dad is smiling more in the last week then he has the five years since my Papa died.”

Eddie waved her hand dramatically. “My dad was singing Judas fucking Priest in the kitchen. I didn’t even know he knew what metal even was!”

“That is incredible,” Harri said. “Judas Priest is one of my dad’s favorite bands.”

Edie scoffed. “Color me not surprised.”

“I think they’ve got too many hangups with each other to get together,” Harri said, pushing his finger tips against each other, “like a couple. But it would be cool if they became friends again.”

“Yeah.”

*

Steve walked into his meeting with Dustin and his top two techs with a whistle on his lips and spring in his step.

“Dude!” Dustin said with grin. “Looking good, Steve-o. What’s got you in such a good mood?”

Steve just shrugged and winked.

“So I hear Eddie’s back in town,” Dustin said, aiming for casual and missed by a mile.

Steve barked out a laugh. “Like you didn’t know that before I did. But yes, I’ve seen him...um...three times now?”

Dustin’s eyes went wide and huffed a laugh. “Three? I thought Edie only had her band practice on Wednesday. That’s twice, Steve. When did you see him the third time?”

“Wait...” Steve said. “Who said anything about seeing him at Edie’s band practice?”

Dustin rolled his eyes. “Eddie did. When he asked for you number?”

Steve huffed. “Right.” He turned to the other two techs. “So what have you got for me?”

Dustin eyed him suspiciously. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you deflecting the question, Steve. I will get it out of you later.”

Steve grinned. “You could try. Or you could ask Eddie. He seems more willing to talk about it then I am.”

“I wonder why that is,” Dustin said.  

Steve shrugged, but the meeting continued without a hitch. All the while Dustin kept glancing over at Steve, a knowing look in his eye.

Steve would just duck his head to hide his smile and Dustin would be forced to go back to paying attention to the meeting.

After Steve left, Dustin pulled out his phone and called Eddie. “You know, when I told you to stop running away from Steve, I wasn’t expecting you to run toward him.”

Eddie laughed. “Blame Harri and Edie for that one. I got told by Harri that if I broke up their band he would release my baby pictures online for everyone to see.”

Dustin blinked and then shrugged. “Yeah, okay. So you decided to what? Befriend Steve?”

“Right in one, Dusty-bun,” Eddie agreed.

Dustin rolled his eyes. “I hate that my mom taught you that.”

“Hey, hey,” Eddie said all seriousness. “We do not disrespect Claudia Henderson, not ever.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dustin grumped. “So, the reason I’m calling is to ask you not to fuck this up. And I’m going to asking Steve, too, just so you know this isn’t pick on Eddie day. You two were the closest things I had to older brothers and it killed me when you guys tore each other apart. I just want to see you be friends again.”

Eddie let out a shuddering sigh. “I know. I’m sorry I kept forcing you to pick sides. That wasn’t fair. You were helping him with his hearing and I was being a little bitch.”

Dustin sighed. “Maybe just a little one.”

“I’m not going to date him,” Eddie swore into the resulting silence. “I can’t put myself out there like that.”

Dustin sighed again. “I doubt you’d get him to even try if you wanted to.”

“Edie said his last partner cheated on him,” Eddie said softly.

Dustin flopped into his desk chair and threw his head back. “It was more than that. Edie doesn’t know and the only reason I do, is because I was with Steve when it happened.”

“What did happened?” Eddie asked, a frown evident in his voice. “How bad could it possibly be?”

“Like walking in on your partner participating in a gang bang, him and two other guys banging some chick in your bed, levels of bad.”

“Fuck!”

“That’s certainly what they were doing, yes,” Dustin said. “It broke Steve. Like really bad.”

Eddie’s breath became ragged as he fought down his temper. “He didn’t deserve that.”

Dustin choked back tears. “No he didn’t. I can’t go into more than that. But, fuck, man. He was a wreck.”

“And so he swore off dating?” Eddie asked, his voice cracking with emotion.

“Yeah,” Dustin whispered. “So be gentle. Go slow. And of course I’ll tell Steve the same about you. But I just wanted to let you know why.”

Eddie sighed. “Yeah. Of course. Thanks for telling me.”

“Bye Eddie.”

***

Part 11  Part 12  Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16 Part 17  Part 18  Epilogue

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[man11c]

Xavier x Reader - Maybe a few more lessons. Pt 2.

Plot - During second term, you join Nevermore academy. One of the first things you do is join the archery club, and from there you get to know Xavier Thorpe. At first he seems head over heels for Wednesday, but maybe at some point he'll see something in you? In school, you go through many dilemmas which you need to solve.

Part 2

───♡───

Spending the afternoon with Xavier, it turns out he was pretty funny. He was nice to he around, even if it was to help you with archery. Thought a lot of the time all be spoke about was Wednesday, it was sort of annoying. Whatever we spoke about, the subject changed to Wednesday. Wednesday this, Wednesday that. God was he obsessed with her. It was once sided however.

You were adjusting fine to the new school and the new environment. You made a fair share of freinds, Bianca and her freinds and then again you occasionally spoke to Wednesday.

"You know Xavier is madly inlove with you." You told Wednesday the obvious as you sat next to her. Of couse she gave no reaction, just looked at you with a vacant expression. "Well he needs to get the hint I don't reciprocate those feelings." You laughed at her straight forward answer with her dull eyes. Though, Wednesday didn't see what was funny about it. "He talks about you all the time you know, I've seen his drawings." You mused to Wednesday as he budged your shoulder againts hers. "I've seen them too. And I dread looking at myself. He's wasting his talent." You gave up and sighed to yourself. "Why don't you try him out?" You asked the question. "(Y/n) the last man I actually tried things out with turned out to be a psychopath. I'm not doing that again." Wednesday stood up abruptly and looked down at you. Defeated, you decided to leave. "Yeah yeah okay." You're voice trailed into silence as you left the dorm room.

Walking down the dark plank walls, walking back outside. You snuffed the cold air up your nose. It was chilly out, more than usual. Not many people were out, but with no fail you see Xavier. He stands at a wall as he paints one of the walls. Curious on what he's doing, you walk over to him. Creeping up from behind. He hates it, but you secretly adore making him jump. Again you stand behind him, peering your eyes past him as you look at his painting. All you do is stand and gaze at the painting. You get lost in thought. "I like the colours." You decide to speak up, making Xaviers shoulders jump as he almost drops his paint brush. "You need to stop doing that." Xavier said as he turned to look down at you. His eyes met yours. "Are you not cold painting outside like this?" You ask as you walk buy him to take a closer look at the painting. Just to see the detail up close. Though Wednesday didn't appreciate his art, you certainly did. Xavier now behind you, shook his head as he continued to look at you. His eyes followed as you moved closer to the painting. "No, not really. My hands are cold but that's about it." His knuckles now a dusty red along with his fingers tips and nose. You turn back to look. "You make really nice drawings Xavier." You totally ignored what he say and come back with your own comment. The comment seemed to make him fluster and shake his head. "Thank you (y/n) at least some appreciate my art. Unlike others..." He was talking about Wednesday. You laugh at his comment as you averted your gaze from his, looking over to the open space were the crows of people had thinned out. "Maybe its best if you go inside now. If your hands freeze and fall off, you won't be able to paint." You say as you shrug your shoulders nonchalantly and walk past him, heading inside. Even you were cold, and would much rather be inside than in the nipping colds. Xavier glanced down at his hands and internally agreed with what you said. Quickly packing up to catch up to your side. He held his equipment under his arm as he now walked by your side. "I never asked why you ended up at this school. Or really, what I'm asking is what's your ability?" Xavier tried to find the right words to not offend you when he asked the question. From the corner of his eyes he looked at you, waiting momentarily for your reply. You paused, and didn't know if you should tell him. With your ability you were always deemed untrustworthy and manipulative. But Xavier would know better than to think that. Right?

"I can...do stuff with minds. I can look into a person's mind and see what they think, and all sorts of things." You tried to explain as you walked into the warmer interior of the academy. "So... you can manipulate minds?" Xavier shorted what you said. His tone curious. You hated the way he worded it but he was right. "Well I wouldn't say it like that, but yes I suppose that's what it is. But since you asked the question, what can you do?" You brushed past the topic trying to bring the focus onto something else. Xavier glanced at his artsy things in his hold. "I bring drawings to life." He said with a smile on his face. And you looked at him, his hair pulled away from his face into a man bun with exra hair hanging down his neck ; that was angled down to look at you. "Wow, that's really cool actually. That makes sense now actually. I bet you can pull lots of pranks with that." He did look like the devious type. With a smirk on his face, he gave a halfassed laugh. "Well yeah I suppose I can." Xavier shrugged his shoulders. You took a step back away from him. "Anyway, bye. I'll see you at archery tomorrow... its too cold today." You didn't give Xavier a chance to reply as you had already turned around to leave. Walking in the direction of your dorm section. "Aww that's a shame, I was looking forward to seeing you." You heard from behind as Xavier teased as he too turned away to go up to his dorm room. A smile hinted on your lips at his humor.

Arriving at your dorm, Bianca was sat on her bed on her phone as you walked in. She took a moment to register that you walked in. "Oh hey (y/n) where were you?" She placed her phone faced down and raised her head to watch you as you placed your bag down before you sluggishly got into the warmth of your bed. "I was with Wednesday, and then pumped into Xavier." Biancas expression dimmed. "Oh well." She said picking her phone back up. You took this opportunity to ask why she always seemed like this. "Hey Bianca, whats up with you and Xavier, I mean you always seem to get annoyed whenever he's mentioned." You enquired as you strighted your posture to look at her and analyse her face. Silence lingred in the air. The two of you just sitting there waiting for somsone to speak. "He's my ex. He broke up with me and accused me of using my siren powers on him to manipulate him." Bianca replied bluntly. Her words catching you off guard for a moment. "Oh I'm sorry." You replied not knowing how to sympathise with her. "Well I understand now, I would be bitter too if he did that." Your head lowered away from her as you looked down at your hands that were all red from the cold. "If that wasn't worse enough. He lets Wednesday walk all over him no problem." Bianca processed to mutter under her breath but you still caught onto what she said. You decided to ignore it.

Either way, your phone vibrated in your pocket. Reaching for it to go see what it was. It was a text.

A text reading : 'Hey (y/n) it's xavier. ' How the hell did he get your number. You didn't recall giving it to him. Glancing up from the text and Bianca. You decided to answer. (Y/n) - 'Care to explain HOW you got my number?' Xavier replied only a few moments later. Xavier - 'that's you don't need to know. But that's one way to say hi back.'

You rolled your eyes and continued to reply. The two of you exchanged a few texts here and there, but most of the time you took ages to reply to him. But it wad mutual.

What a strange guy you thought to yourself. As you looked over his number before placing your phone down next to you. You pulled out homework for your herbology class, the new teacher really put a lot of homework In the first week for you. Now that you think of you... she mentioned an assignment.

───────────────────────

Let's go I got part 2 out quite fast, but whatever. But I'm alresdy thinking of ideas for the next one 💔

Part three out now ❗️

Word count : 1460

[lackadaisy-headcanon-supply-unit]

Hi👋♡.

May I request one-shots Serafine Savoy and Nico Savoy with teen fem!Reader (Platonic) the Reader is a delivery girl she helps them all the time and of course they have to get her something for her hard work she do for them.

[ money maybe?]

{Love your blog by the way♡}.

Don't know how this turned into a spin-off, cat episode of something that feels straight out of Peaky Blinders, but here you go!

Get a job, Mother said. The world is changing and girls need to pull their weight, just how I did during the Great War.

However, when Y/N finally got one of course she wasn't too happy.

"An unpaid delivery girl? You could have aimed slightly higher, especially with that mind of yours."

Well, perhaps she wouldn't have been so picky if she realized her daughter didn't have much of a choice in the matter. No one accidentally ran into a criminals hunting ground and got out completely unscathed, in reputation or otherwise. Her own price to pay was becoming an uncompensated errand girl for a couple of no good kitties with sharp gazes, smiles and knives. A lot of knives, and guns too.

The option to refuse wasn't really on the table. That was a couple of months ago now.

Maybe Y/N should have realized sooner something about her job was shadier than she first thought. At first there seem to be nothing amiss. Y/N was asked to post letters, carry tattered and lightly but suspiciously stained clothes to and from the tailors. Small things she had no problem doing for free. They weren't too out of the way either; most of the shops and post boxes were on her way to school.

Her suspicions only really started when she was sent to pick up a suspicious-looking package from a derelict riverside cafe. It was just the one, and she delivered it without a hitch. Looking back she probably should have failed to do so; it would have certainly avoided the fear and stress that came when she was sent on a similar errand the week after.

Then it became every three days and sometimes even twice in one.

Mother was right: Y/N had a good head on her shoulders. She didn't need to peek into the boxes to know what she was carrying was less than legal. She was also well aware that if anything happened to the cargo inside she'd be dead, but she was also smart enough to know she could hand it over to the cops at any time. Who knows, she could end up taking down a major crime ring in St. Louis. She could become a hero!

Or…

She could beat her generously-loaded employers at their own game.

Y/N burst into the hotel suite, waving the letter high in her hand. "Delivery!"

The cloud of smoke hanging around the divans parted, and a carefully manicured, clawed hand beckoned her closer. "Merci, now give it here, cher."

For once, Y/N stayed put. "No."

"No?" The hand cleared the rest of the fog, and Miss Savoy's amber eye watched her, widening.

Those stares didn't scare Y/N anymore, not after working for them for months. She even took a step back. "No."

"Elle se prend pour qui?" Miss Savoy's brother growled, raising himself up from his seat. His cigarette hung limply from the corner of his mouth.

"Nico, laisse-la," Miss Savoy tutted. "Elle a du culot, c'est presque impressionnant."

"I'd like it if you didn't talk behind my back," Y/N bit out.

"And we'd like it if you hand over the letter like the good girl we know you can be."

Again, Y/N held it out of reach. "And I'd like to be compensated."

"Your compensation is us not killin' you for messin' up our gig," Nico pointed out.

"You gangstas might want to think of marking your territory better so a teenager doesn't fuck you up."

"She swears too."

They seemed almost surprised. Y/N decided to skip the rest of the pleasantries.

"Money."

"What?"

"I want money."

Nico and Serafine looked at each other. Then, he smirked. She grinned. They both fell about laughing, leaving a confused Y/N to ping-pong between them and scowl.

"What's so funny?"

They only replied to each other in quick snippets of French she couldn't understand.

"What is it?" she repeated.

"T'as perdu, c'est toi qui paye," Serafine smirked to her brother, again ignoring Y/N's questions.

Nico rolled his eyes and rummaged around in a nearby tin. "Bien joué…"

He held out a wad of cash—and by god it was more than she had ever seen in her life! He was essentially offering her her own small fortune, most of it likely made of blood money.

She didn't take it right away. "What's all this about?"

Nico shook the money in front of her eyes. "Bettin' to see how long it'd take you to man up and ask."

Y/N was dumbfounded. "Ask?"

"For payment."

So, they were saying everything she had done for free, every risk and every broken law…

"All I had to do was ask?!"

Nico cracked a sickening grin. "Yes, cher."

Yes. That was all he said, the only confirmation. She wanted to scream, she wanted to shout, she wanted to take that rifle off the wall and—

She snatched up the money with a frown, shooting daggers from her eyes. She handed over the letter. "I hate you both."

Nico's grin softened. "Hate you too," he said with no real conviction or the previous bit she knew he could give.

Almost as if he was trying to be her friend.

They could try all they liked, but they wouldn't get far.

Not now.

[ravendruid]

Be In My Eyes - Chapter 30

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Here we are, folks. One year later, Part I of BIME comes to an end. I will return with Part II soon because these chucklefucks still have much to suffer. Content warning: Panic attack. Summary: Finals week is hell, but at least it brings Keyleth and Vax closer... but for how long?

Vax was glad that finals were almost over. The week had been horribly stressful between handing out final essays, studying for exams, and giving final presentations. Vax barely had any time left to do fun activities with his sister and friends, not just during the week, but the entire month. All his professors became even stricter than usual, often forgetting their class wasn’t the only subject the students had, passing mountains of homework and scheduling essays and other projects they had to deliver and present within a tight deadline. The only good thing about that was that the final evaluation for those subjects was divided between the final exam and the projects, so even if Vax had a bad grade on a final essay, he could still make up during the exam. On Conthsen night, Vax was anxiously counting the hours left until Keyleth’s last exam the next day, not just because he missed spending time with her—fun time, not study time—but because that was the sign that exams week would be officially over in apartment 7B and that was all Scanlan would need to open the case of beer they had saved in the fridge and turn on the music.

Vax remembered Keyleth was still in class and that she would probably get home exhausted and go straight to studying without eating, so he closed his book and flicked the light off. He would make her dinner and keep her company while she ate, and then they could study together if she wanted, even though Vax wanted nothing more than to have Keyleth curled against his side on the couch while they watched a movie and he played with her hair. Vax loved taking care of Keyleth, especially by doing small gestures like making sure she ate. It didn’t bother him to cook a different meal for her or to leave a serving from dinner in the fridge. He did it because he loved her and wanted to care for her. So Vax made a fresh batch of miso soup that Keyleth could eat anytime and prepared tofu, eggs and vegetables so that he only had to add noodles to the soup base when she got home. It would be warm and full of nutrients for her.

In hindsight, Vax should have noticed the first sign that something wasn’t right when Keyleth slammed the door and slid her back against it. But Vax was so distracted finishing Keyleth’s dinner that he thought she was just tired, and he certainly didn’t think anything else of her tight hug when she entered the kitchen. Keyleth was usually quiet on days she got home late from school, too socially exhausted to hold a full conversation, so Vax sat by her side at the table while she ate and let her fumble with his fingers on her lap.

The second sign came when Vax asked her if she wanted company to study and she said no. He still didn’t think anything of it because Keyleth sometimes asked him to study alone, which Vax understood. He could be quite distracting. So he kissed her forehead and headed back to his room, letting her know the door was unlocked if she needed anything.

Vax finally realized something was wrong when Percy and Vex returned. They were talking in hushed voices as they stepped into the room, and when Vax heard Keyleth’s name, he turned on his chair to look at his sister and his roommate.

“What’s wrong with Keyleth?” Vax asked. Vex’ahlia was still holding Trinket’s leash, even though the massive shaggy dog was nowhere to be seen.

“She’s acting weird. She barely acknowledged our presence.” Percy answered instead. “Do you know if something happened?”

“She was fine when she got home. Maybe she’s tired. Finals week has been hard on all of us.”

“Keep an eye on her, brother,” Vex said. She crossed the room to kiss the crown of his head, then gave Percy a peck on the lips and left.

Vax didn’t need to be told twice to keep an eye on Keyleth, especially when he looked at the clock and saw how late it was. He knew her classes started early the following morning and that if someone didn’t force Keyleth to close her books, she would stay up all night studying. Again, it didn’t bother him to go out of his way to make sure Keyleth got some rest. Everything he did was for her own good, even if it meant he would have to stay up until late.

Vax wasn’t surprised when he saw the mess on the kitchen table. Books were spread open, notes were scattered, a colorful rainbow of highlighters littered on top of papers, and an empty mug of coffee sat on the table. Everyone else had some level of stress before exams—even Grog and Scanlan—but no one beat Keyleth’s anxiety.

“Keeks?” Keyleth wasn’t at the table anymore.

In hindsight, things should have gone differently. Vax should have seen the signs, but he didn’t, so he was naturally concerned when he saw Keyleth sitting on the floor, her back against the wall and arms wrapped around her knees with her head hiding between them, rocking back and forth with shallow, rapid breaths giving way to sobs, and then chokes.

“Keyleth?” Vax called again, kneeling in front of her. When Keyleth didn’t answer, Vax softly placed his hands on her head and lifted it, seeing tears falling down her cheeks and the panic in her eyes. “Kiki, what’s wrong?” He asked. Keyleth didn’t react to him, as if she hadn’t noticed Vax in front of her. Instead, she tried to put her head back between her knees, but Vax held her steady. He knew what was going on: Keyleth was having a panic attack. He had helped Vex’ahlia through them after Saundor and Syldor, and he had forced himself out of a few himself, so he knew what to do.

“Deep breaths,” Vax cooed. Keyleth was still panting and choking, so Vax cradled her cheeks and asked her again, more firmly this time, to take deep breaths. The touch of skin-to-skin seemed to be enough to bring Keyleth out of it at least a bit, just enough for her to start mumbling incomprehensible words.

“What’s wrong, Kiki? I can’t understand,” Vax tried again. Keyleth was still rocking back and forth, still breathing hard, her arms still tight around her knees. She mumbled something again, and, this time, Vax made up the words “can’t” and “it.”

“You’re safe, Keyleth. Take a deep breath in through your nose,” Vax said, demonstrating. Keyleth stared at him, finally stopping her rocking. “And then out,” he exhaled.

“I–can’t,” Keyleth mumbled. She brought her hands to her chest and throat, leaving her legs free.

“You can’t breathe?” Vax asked, concerned. Keyleth had enough strength to nod, so he extended her legs in front of her and straddled them.

“Yes, you can. Breathe with me,” Vax whispered, placing her hands on top of his heart inside his shirt. Keyleth’s hands were burning, but her fingertips were freezing. “In–” Vax took a deep breath in, which Keyleth finally copied. “–and out…” They both exhaled. “Let’s go again.” Vax kept whispering and rubbing his thumbs across Keyleth’s cheeks. One of his hands slid to the loose hair behind her ears, where he started rubbing reassuringly, always making sure to breathe slowly and guide her.

“You’re doing great,” Vax whispered when Keyleth let out a soft sob. It was an improvement from the raspy chokes that made Vax fear for her life. The hand left on her cheek lowered to her neck, where he found her pulse point and remained guiding her breathing. After a while, Keyleth’s sobs lessened enough that Vax felt comfortable to try something different.

“Can you speak?” Vax asked. Keyleth mumbled a ‘yes’ with a ragged voice. “That’s good. Can you tell me five things that you see?”

“You, the floor, chairs, the table, and the trash can,” Keyleth enumerated. Vax nodded with each word, keeping his breath steady to guide her.

“Very good, Kiki. Keep breathing with me, okay? Now, tell me four things you can touch.”

Keyleth moved her frozen fingertips on Vax’s chest. “You, the floor, the wall…” Keyleth paused. She grabbed Vax’s hand on her hair and brought it to her chest, setting it right atop her heart, and said, “And your hand.” She finished with a long exhale.

“You’re doing great, Kiki,” Vax whispered lovingly. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her forehead and then rested his brows against hers. “How about three things you can hear?”

“Your heart,” Keyleth said without hesitation. Vax smiled at that. She must have been truly focused on his heartbeat, which was good. “Your breathing and the fridge.” Keyleth’s breaths were slower now, almost back to normal, but Vax knew he had to finish the exercise before he could let her go.

“Good job. Can you tell me two things you can smell?”

“You…”

“And?”

“Just you. All of you,” Keyleth replied bashfully. Vax chuckled but accepted the answer since he was so close to her.

“Last one. What can you taste?” Vax asked, but before Keyleth could answer, he kissed her deeply, and against his expectations, Keyleth’s tongue found his. She hummed and pulled away, leaning her forehead against Vax’s again. Her body relaxed, shoulders sagging with relief, but her hand still remained on Vax’s chest, now fully warm.

“Home,” Keyleth answered. With her breathing and heartbeat back to normal, Vax allowed himself to relax and remove the hand on her neck (although he kept the hand on her chest). “Thank you.”

“Come here,” Vax pulled in closer and wrapped both arms around her, bringing her head to his shoulder. Keyleth leaned into his embrace and sighed deeply. “What happened?”

“I can’t do it. I’m so exhausted,” Keyleth admitted.

“You only have one exam left tomorrow, right?” Keyleth nodded in response. “You need to sleep. You’ve been studying non-stop for a month, Kiki. You’re more than ready. And if you’re not, it’s not the end. You can make up for it in a few weeks.”

“I can’t. I have to go home,” Vax’s heart leaped in his chest. It’s not that he forgot that all his roommates were leaving, but it hadn’t dawned on him that Keyleth would also be going home for an entire month. “I don’t think I can pass the exam tomorrow.”

“You will,” Vax whispered against her hair. The knot on his throat was so tight he couldn’t breathe from what Vax knew was a sign of anxiety for being alone, of not having Keyleth close to him. “I believe in you, Kiki. You’re going to ace it. But you need sleep, and I won’t take a no for an answer, so you’re coming with me.” Vax pulled away and raised to his feet. He helped Keyleth up and started leading her out of the kitchen, but she stopped. “Don’t look at the table, just follow me.” He said. He waited for a sign of acknowledgment, which came in the form of a silent nod, and led her by the hand toward his bedroom door.

“I—Percy,” Keyleth tried to stop him, but Vax shook his head as he opened the door.

“It’s okay,” Vax mouthed, bringing her inside with him. Keyleth looked at him confused and at Percy’s empty bed. “He’s in the shower,” Vax explained, seeing her look. He closed the bedroom door behind him and opened his wardrobe to grab a wrinkled T-shirt.

“Put this on,” Vax handed Keyleth the shirt. She nodded and started stripping out of her clothes, which made Vax take a step back. He stammered an apology and turned, not before he saw the soft white fabric of her bra.

“It’s okay,” Keyleth said, half amused, half tired. Vax heard the rustling of clothes and then her soft, “You can turn now,” and when he looked, she had also removed her pants and was standing in just his t-shirt that fell just at the top of her hips. Vax’s face heated, but he tried to play it cool and gestured at his bed. Keyleth didn’t wait to be told twice. She pulled back his blankets and laid with her back to the wall.

“Good girl,” Vax smirked. Keyleth blushed slightly at that. “I’ll be right back.”

Vax returned a few minutes later, after finding Percy and letting him and Vex know what happened with Keyleth. She was still awake, lying on her side with her knees pulled high to her stomach, but she didn’t speak, nor did she move when Vax started undressing with no reservations.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen me shirtless before,” Vax said, dropping his shirt in the hamper. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants but looked at Keyleth before he took them off. “Don’t get any funny ideas,” He dropped his pants to his ankles and took them off, then added, “You need to sleep.”

“Can you stay like that?” Keyleth asked bashfully. Vax cocked his head inquisitively, and she explained, “Skin-to-skin contact helps me calm. Can we do that?”

“If you’re comfortable with that,” Vax replied, lying next to Keyleth, wearing only his boxers. Keyleth covered him and then sat up on the bed. Vax tried to keep his gaze away while she undressed, but he could still see her from the corner of his eyes.

“Will you hold me?” Keyleth asked in a whisper once she was lying back on the bed. Vax swallowed hard and nodded, opening his arms. “Come here.” Keyleth laid her head on his shoulder and nuzzled her nose against him. The rest of her body was pressed against Vax’s, their legs entangled. Vax kissed the tip of her head as he wrapped an arm around her waist, doing his best to avoid thinking about the fact that they were touching from head to toe.

“Does this help?” He asked. Keyleth nodded. “Okay. Get some sleep. I’m right here.”

Keyleth was fast asleep within three heartbeats, but Vax remained awake for a while longer, watching the soft movement of her shoulders rise and fall against his chest, taking in her warmth and the softness of her skin against his body. His heart was both happy and sad. Sad because Keyleth was suffering so much from finals, but happy that she trusted him enough to let him in. In her panic-filled mind, Keyleth saw him and held onto him like a lifeline. She trusted Vax to bring her back because she knew he wouldn’t rest until she was safe.

—

Keyleth woke up confused, not knowing if what she remembered from the previous night had been a dream or real. The first thing that allowed her to discern reality was the headache that always appeared after a panic attack; the second thing was the fact that she had an arm wrapped around her waist with a hand splayed on her stomach and a warm breath on her nape. The final proof Keyleth needed was the fact that she was half-naked in someone’s bed—a man, from the pressure she felt on her behind. A small moment of panic made her turn around in bed, but then she sighed in relief when she saw raven-colored hair half-covering the tanned face of Vax’ildan, who, she realized, was also half-naked. The panic eased when Keyleth remembered everything that had happened. Even though she still had some gaps in her memory, at least she knew she had asked Vax to stay like that and remembered taking off the t-shirt he had given her. 

It didn’t matter that her underwear didn’t match (or that Vax saw her bare like that). Vax had seen her at her worst last night and hadn’t been scared like everyone else. Keyleth still remembered the times her panic attacks drove people away. She still heard what people called her and told her that day when she had to get dragged to the hospital by the school’s director. From that moment on, Keyleth refused to let anyone else see that vulnerable side of her, including her father (especially her father). Korrin had more things to worry about than her stupid crisis.

But Vax found her curled on the floor and helped her. The way he guided her through the panic attack with breathing and exercises made her want to cry from gratitude. No one had ever bothered to learn those to help her before, and if they knew those exercises, no one spared a second glance her way when she started choking on her breathing. The fact that Vax did that for her and forced her to rest when he knew she would drive herself to an early grave because of exams meant more than Keyleth could describe. 

Everything was easier with Vax. Coming home after late classes and finding dinner ready; having company for late-night study sessions, but at the same time someone who would remind her—and force her—to take breaks and take care of her needs; having someone to relax with, to laugh and talk and cry over her problems. Someone who would hug her and take her in no matter what or how bad her moods were. Vax was patient with her, always willing to listen, to wait, to care for her. He never once asked for more than Keyleth was willing to give and never took without asking first. Every kiss they shared was either initiated by her or after Keyleth gave her consent; every hug was respectful, and even the previous night, when Keyleth undressed without saying anything, Vax had looked away out of respect. Keyleth was the luckiest woman in the world for having Vax as her friend, and she would be even luckier if she had him as her boyfriend.

Keyleth turned in bed, facing Vax, who was still sound asleep. Even with the curtains closed, she could tell dawn would break soon, which meant she didn’t have much time left in the comfortable warmth of Vax’s bed. Vax’s bed. The idea of sharing a bed with Vax didn’t scare her, nor did the sight of his body pressed hard against hers underneath the blankets. Truth be told, thinking of Vax as more than a friend made Keyleth feel butterflies in her stomach, but more than that, Keyleth felt like she needed that, the easiness of not having to remind herself that she couldn’t kiss Vax willy-nilly, that she needed a reason to hold his hand (which wasn’t actually true). Keyleth wanted all of him, especially after knowing he wasn’t scared of her panic attacks, and this time, she was sure Vax felt the same way.

Even though Keyleth had only shared a bed (and a couch) with Vax a handful of times, she loved waking up before him and seeing him sleep. Vax had told her he often had nightmares, but every time they slept together, Vax was always relaxed. Keyleth never thought much of it, but considering that sleeping at Vax’s side eased her own nightmares, maybe her being there also did the same for him. Yet another sign that dating Vax could be a good thing.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Vax grumbled as a way of greeting. Keyleth turned her head to see a smile that made her melt in place. Vax’s eyes were still half-closed and crusted with sleep, his voice was hoarse, and his hair completely disheveled on his pillow (someone forgot to braid his hair the previous night). 

“Good morning,” Keyleth greeted, turning to kiss the tip of his nose. Vax opened his eyes, giving her a look and a smile that made her toes curl. He slid his hand up to the middle of her back, underneath the band of her bra, and pulled her closer to him, kissing the tip of her nose, then one cheek, the other, and, when he was about to pull away, Keyleth brought his face in to kiss him slowly on the lips.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?” Vax asked, rubbing his nose against hers. Keyleth shrugged, “I just felt like it.”

“Did you sleep well?” Vax asked her, scratching his nails up and down her spine. Keyleth squirmed with the feeling, getting closer to him, and nodded. “Me too,” He said. 

“I don’t want to get up, but I have to study before the exam today.”

“No studying, Kiki. You’ve done all you could. Studying today will not help any more than the rest of the month.”

“I need to review every—”

“No,” Vax stopped Keyleth by turning her on her back and straddling her hips. “Absolutely not. I’m going to make sure you do nothing but relax until your exam later, even if I have to stay up here all day.”

Keyleth’s entire body flushed red. She could feel him pressing against her like this, even more when he supported his weight on his hands at each side of her head and bent over to bring his face close to hers. They were painfully close and in a very suggestive position.

“What’s it going to be, Kiki? Are you going to do as I say, or do I have to make sure you—” Vax leaned further down, supporting himself on his elbows now. “—don’t go anywhere?”

“I–I don’t know,” Keyleth mumbled softly. Two could play the game. “I really need to study.” Just as she intended, Vax fully lowered himself on top of her, completely locking her in place. Keyleth couldn’t even move her hands as they were pinned to her sides by his arms.

“Keyleth…” Keyleth’s body turned gooseflesh with Vax’s sultry voice and look. Her cheeks were burning and her chest was as red as a tomato.

“C–can I at least go to classes?”

Vax glared at her for a moment, then sat up straight and said, “Only if you promise you will not study anymore.”

As much as it hurt her, Keyleth knew Vax was right. A few more hours of studying wouldn’t make a difference, so she might as well try to relax. “I promise.”

Vax nodded, seemingly satisfied with it, and started to get up, but, as he did, he turned his head over his shoulder to look at Keyleth and said, “If you’re a good girl and keep your promise, I’ll reward you after dinner.”

Maybe it was because they slept so close and bare, or maybe it was the wink that Vax gave her, but Keyleth felt her entire body burn like it was about to combust into fire, and before Vax gave her a second glance, she was hiding underneath the covers, trying to keep herself from squealing.

Vax was very keen on making sure Keyleth kept her promise, either by walking her to class or meeting her at lunchtime. Keyleth knew he didn’t do it because he didn’t trust her but because Vax wanted to make sure she wasn’t overexerting herself (and also because he wanted to spend time with her). They sat at an isolated table in the cafeteria, watching the snow falling outside as they ate in silence. Keyleth almost grabbed her books out of her backpack by instinct once she was done eating her sandwich, but she stopped herself and grabbed her laptop instead.

“When are you going home?” Vax asked, looking at Keyleth above the screen of her computer.

“My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon,” Keyleth still had to pack when she got home. She somehow had to find time to do it during the party Scanlan wanted to throw before they broke for the holidays.

“I’ll take you to the airport,” Vax said nonchalantly.

Keyleth stopped typing to stare in shock at Vax. “You don’t have to. I can take a taxi.”

“I want to spend as much time as I can with you before I have to lose you for an entire month.”

Valid argument. Keyleth blushed. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“It’s still going to be torture,” Vax sighed. He leaned back on his chair, staring her in the eyes. Keyleth kept her gaze locked on his. Ever since their date to the botanical garden, Vax had been more open about his feelings, not thinking twice or measuring his words of affection towards her. The only thing he avoided saying was the three words Keyleth was starved to hear, but, to his defense, she had been pretty clear about not being ready, and Vax was nothing if not respectful.

“I’ll call you every day. You’re going to be so tired of me, you’ll end up blocking my number,” Keyleth joked. She looked at the clock and groaned. She finished typing the edits and delivered her last essay due later. 

“I’m never going to be tired of you, Kiki,” Vax said, getting up and standing behind her chair. Keyleth put her laptop back in her backpack and got to her feet, being immediately swept by an arm around her waist and a kiss on her cheek. “The day I grow tired of you is the day I die.”

Keyleth melted into his chest. Her heart was racing with an aching need to say what was on her mind, of what she almost blurted, but it wasn’t the right time, and it certainly wasn’t the right place. “I have something to tell you later,” She mustered. Vax looked at her in concern and tensed. Keyleth knew he was running every bad scenario in his mind because she certainly would be if he had told her that. “It’s nothing bad, relax,” She reassured him. Vax’s shoulders slumped and he finally let go of her waist.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Kiki.” Vax pulled away. They started heading out, not before Keyleth joked, “For my sake, I sure hope not.”

—

The party was blasting in the living room, but Keyleth took a moment of distraction from her friends to sneak back into her bedroom. Her suitcase was open on her bed, clothes strewn on every empty spot on the blanket. Most of her late autumn and early winter clothes were already packed and ready, but Keyleth still had a few things to sort through. Winter in Emon was harsher than she expected, and some of her clothes weren’t warm enough for the winter, but she had to decide if they would be good enough for Spring. She had been rummaging through her clean laundry basket for clothes to pack when she found something that didn’t belong and knew it wasn’t hers from the color alone: Vax’s black hoodie, the one with the silver wings on the back and the three daggers on the sleeve. Keyleth would recognize the sweatshirt anywhere just by the smell of the twins’ laundry detergent.

Even though black was not her color—or any color at all, in Keyleth’s opinion—and that common sense dictated that she shouldn’t steal her roommate’s clothes, the urge to put on Vax’s hoodie was stronger than any argument Keyleth could come up with, so, instead of setting the hoodie aside to give it back to its rightful owner, Keyleth pulled it over her head. 

The sweatshirt was soft and comfortable, and the familiar smell made Keyleth feel like she was burrowing into Vax’s embrace, which brought back memories from the nights they shared together. Blush crept up her cheek when Keyleth imagined it was Vax’s arms that were holding her and not her own, and that it was his chest she was nuzzling, and not the neckline of the hoodie. Keyleth felt so cozy and safe that she knew she could easily fall asleep wearing the sweatshirt, no matter where she was.

Keyleth was so entranced in the feeling that she didn’t hear the door to her bedroom open and close and the sound of footsteps approaching.

“Kiki?” Vax called her. Keyleth jumped in place, realizing she hadn’t heard Vax walk in. The music and voices in the living room were still loud enough to let her know everyone else was still partying.

“Vax!”

“Are you wearing my hoodie?” Vax asked with a smirk. Keyleth’s eyes widened and she took a step back, nervously playing with the strings of the hoodie.

“I–Maybe?”

“It looks good on you,” Vax cocked his head. 

“I’m sorry. It was in my laundry and I–” Keyleth looked down, trying to hide her embarrassment. “It smelled like you and it’s so cozy.”

Vax closed the distance between them, asking, “Do you want it?”

Yes. Keyleth wanted to say. When she looked up at him, she saw the same look in his eyes he always had when he wanted nothing more but to kiss her. “No,” Keyleth replied instead. She knew Vax didn’t have many clothes and she felt bad for taking his only—and favorite—hoodie. She could not take something so important from him when he had already given her so much of himself.

“Are you sure? I can buy another one.” Vax insisted, grabbing at the fabric of the pocket on her stomach. 

No, you can’t. Keyleth thought. The twins’ finances were getting worse and worse by the day. Vax had told her that he and Vex would have to work the entire winter break to save up some money for the next semester. Vax could not afford another hoodie, and to be honest, Keyleth wasn’t sure if he could find one. The one she was wearing already looked like one of its kind. “I’m sure,” She said, smiling lovingly at him. 

“You can borrow it then. Just make sure you bring it back when you return,” Vax offered. He tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I promise it’s okay if you change your mind.”

“I won’t,” Keyleth answered quickly. Vax merely smirked and winked at her knowingly. 

“You said you had something to tell me?”

Keyleth bit her lip. She had wanted to tell him her feelings, but now that time had finally come, she was shaking with fear that it would be too late. “I–I’ve been thinking,” Keyleth said shakily. “About what you told me that day… that you l–”

Vax smiled at her hesitation and finished her thought, “That I love you, yes.”

“Yeah,” Keyleth’s face felt too warm, her chest was too tight and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. 

“Keyleth, breathe,” Vax reminded her. Keyleth’s eyes were wide open in his direction. He brought her hand to his chest, under his shirt like he had done the previous night, and started taking long, slow breaths for her to follow. Keyleth did, and when her heart rate decreased enough that she could breathe normally again, Vax reassured her, “No matter what you have to tell me, I’m not going anywhere Kiki. I’m right here. I promise I’m not leaving.”

“I know,” Keyleth replied, still shakily. Some tears appeared in the corners of her eyes, but Vax wiped them with his thumbs. “I love you, Vax. I have never felt so safe with anyone before. I’ve never felt so sure of my feelings. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Last night, you showed me you weren’t scared of me and my existential crisis like everyone else is. You didn’t run away like everyone… you stayed and helped me. I don’t want to go through all that alone ever again.”

“You won’t have to, Kiki. I’ll always be with you,” Vax said, hugging her tightly. “I love you so much, Keyleth. I just want to make you happy, even if that means we’ll remain as friends.”

Keyleth pulled away to look Vax in the eyes and said, “I don’t want to be just your friend anymore.” This time, it was Keyleth’s turn to wipe the tears forming in the corner of Vax’s eyes. “Unless you changed your mind about—”

“Shut up,” He interrupted her with a kiss. Keyleth chuckled against his lips, then returned the kiss. 

“Can we keep it between us until I tell my dad?” Keyleth asked when she pulled away.

“I can try, but I’m pretty sure my sister will smell it a mile away.” Keyleth snorted and turned back to her suitcase, resuming her packing. Vax waited, hemming and hawing at something and biting his lip until he finally blurted out, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight? Just sleep, I promise.”

Percy had left for the airport soon after Keyleth got home, having waited only long enough to say goodbye to her. She had cried a bit on his shoulder for already missing her best friend, but she understood his need to go home to his younger sister as soon as he could, but not before Percy promised Keyleth to bring her something from Whitestone. Sleeping with Vax would not be a problem without Percy to worry about, and, to be honest, Keyleth knew if she slept on her bed, she would probably stay awake all night, tossing and turning with anxiety. Really there were more pros about the invitation than cons. 

“Just sleep?” Keyleth asked. Vax nodded, biting his lip nervously. “I think that’s a good idea. I sleep better when I’m with you and I need to rest for the flight tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course. That’s the only reason why I asked…” Vax teased, wrapping his arms around her waist from the back. 

“Mhm. You’re so concerned about me, aren’t you?” Keyleth teased back, looking over her shoulder. Vax smirked at her, gave her a soft peck on the lips, and said, “Of course. It has nothing to do with the fact that I just want to sleep with my girlfriend.”

Keyleth turned around in Vax’s arms and wrapped hers around his neck. Her smile was so big her cheeks hurt. “Call me that again, please.”

“Girlfriend,” Vax whispered against her lips and kissed her. Keyleth hummed, still smiling as they kissed, and when they broke apart, she pushed Vax away with a chuckle and said, “Alright. You need to leave because I have to finish packing.”

“But–” Vax pouted, trying to grab her again.

“No buts,” Keyleth put her hand on Vax’s shoulders, turned him away and guided him to her bedroom door. “You are a very yummy distraction, but the faster I pack, the faster I’ll go back to the party.” Vax stood outside Keyleth’s bedroom door, staring agape at her. Keyleth blew him a kiss before she closed the door and returned to her packing with the biggest smile and feeling of lightness she had ever felt in her life.

Vax was her boyfriend.

—

Vax was an idiot. A fool in love. And against all odds, the one he loved loved him back. For most of his life, Vax had heard all about how useless he was, how he would never amount to anything, how no one would ever love him, so much so that he believed it with his own heart. Vax never thought he would be in this situation when he started having feelings for Keyleth, he never thought he was deserving of anyone’s love, much less hers, but here he was, lying in bed with a halo of wildfire hair spread on his pillow, Keyleth’s cheek pressing warmly against his chest, and her long and nimble fingers spread out on his bare stomach. Vax was a selfish man because even though he had to wake Keyleth up soon, he wanted to steal these last moments of quiet and safety with her. The early hours of the rest of the morning would be reserved for silent breakfasts and last-minute packing and double-checking of luggage, then they would both catch a taxi to the airport, where Vax would finally let Keyleth go. 

No. Vax would steal these last precious moments with his girlfriend. But because all good things must come to an end, the alarm clock destroyed those final moments. Keyleth sat up on the bed, still half-asleep, but already half-anxious. The blankets pooled on her lap revealed the soft blue workout bra she had picked for the night and the flight (Vax hadn’t complained when Keyleth started taking her clothes off and dove under his blankets, and he certainly didn’t complain when he followed her in just his underwear. She was right, after all. Skin-to-skin contact was more relaxing than just cuddling), and when Keyleth pulled them away, Vax mustered all his self-control to not follow the lines of her back down to where her hips raised from the bed as Keyleth crawled over his legs.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Keyleth swore as she started putting on the clothes she left prepared on Percy’s bed. Vax remained in bed, lying on his side, watching her flutter around the room with a smile. “I still have to pack all my toiletries and brush my hair. I forgot to put it in a braid last night–” Vax didn’t say anything. Keyleth was mostly talking to herself rather than with him, and he let her be. It helped her to go through her to-do list out loud.

“Ugh. My hair is a mess,” Keyleth cried, combing her fingers through her locks, getting them tangled in the knots. She turned to Vax, who was still smiling fondly, and cocked her head to one side. “What are you smiling about?”

“You,” Vax said, sitting up. He stretched his arms high above his head and saw the way Keyleth’s eyes dropped from his face to his torso. “You’re adorable. You still have plenty of time. Grab your hairbrush and come here.” Vax said, leaning back against his headboard and patting the blanket between his legs. Keyleth rolled her eyes but did as he said, so Vax started combing and braiding her hair for her. When he finished tying the braid with an elastic, he pulled it softly and kissed Keyleth’s neck. 

“Stop it,” she scolded him playfully but turned away to face him and kiss him passionately. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, my love.” 

“I’m going to finish packing now,” Keyleth said, giving him a sad look before she got up and headed out of the bedroom. Vax stretched again (it didn’t feel as satisfying without Keyleth ogling him) and started getting dressed. He knew Keyleth wouldn’t make herself anything to eat before her flight, so he headed into the kitchen where he brewed a pot of coffee (which surely all his other roommates would be happy for since most of them were leaving, too), and prepared Keyleth and himself a quick breakfast. By the time Keyleth arrived in the kitchen with her fully packed suitcase and backpack, Vax was leaning against the counter, stirring a bowl of apple, cinnamon oatmeal with honey and walnuts.

“I made you breakfast,” He announced. Keyleth grimaced, but Vax said he wouldn’t take a no for an answer before she opened her mouth to reject the meal. They ate in silence, sitting next to each other at the table. Vax’s free hand rested on Keyleth’s knee the entire time, rubbing circles with his thumb with the intent to help her relax. Keyleth was wearing his hoodie (which Vax was trying to ignore because it made him want to hold her hostage and not let her go back home), but it was missing something. 

“Kiki, can you take that off?” He asked her. Keyleth gave him a look as if to say there’s no way I’m taking this sweater off ever in my life, but Vax insisted, wiggling his fingers, “Please? I’ll bring it right back.” She finally complied, so Vax ran to his bedroom, where he sprayed it with his cologne, and ran back to the kitchen, handing it back to Keyleth.

“Here, I think you’ll like it better,” He said as Keyleth put the sweatshirt back on. He was right because Keyleth buried deeper into it with a pleased smile. 

“Thank you,” Keyleth said, getting up. She fumbled slightly with the strings, hesitating for a moment, then finally found the courage to pull Vax by the opening of his jacket and kiss him. “This will make it slightly more bearable.”

“I figured it would,” Vax said, brushing her cheek. “We have to go. Are you ready?” Keyleth nodded. Vax placed the dirty dishes in the sink to wash later and helped Keyleth with her suitcase and backpack. 

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much traffic on the way to the airport, so the ride was short. Vax kept Keyleth’s hand in his the entire ride, only letting go of it when they arrived so she could pay for the taxi and when she checked into her flight. They still had a few minutes before she had to go through security, which Vax decided to spend glued to his girlfriend. 

“I’ll call you every day,” Keyleth promised. Vax nodded. He tried to keep his sadness down, but it was hard. This was the first time he and Keyleth would be apart for so long, and it was especially hard because they hadn’t had the chance to be boyfriend and girlfriend for long. 

“I’ll call you if you don’t call me. And I’m going to text you all the time so you don’t forget me.” Vax teased her.

“Oh, please. You’re unforgettable,” Keyleth teased back and kissed him, but then her smile faded. “Unless you’re the one who’s going to forget me…”

“Do you really think so?” Keyleth shook her head, but she still bit her lip nervously. “Of course not. I’m going to be here when you come back. In fact, I might stay and sleep at the airport to make sure I’m here on time for when you return.” 

Keyleth laughed. They both knew there was some truth behind the joke. Vax really would do something like that. “I’ll be back before you know it,” She said, hugging him tightly. Vax squeezed her as hard as his heart was breaking. His eyes were warming with tears, his throat was closing, he couldn’t swallow anymore, and his vision started darkening. Vax wasn’t ready to let go of Keyleth yet, not when he had just finally gotten her. The week they were apart as friends had already been horrible for both, and Vax knew this time would only be worse. 

“I already miss you,” He confessed. “You’ve been my girlfriend for twelve hours and I already have to say goodbye to you… it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” Keyleth swallowed hard. Vax saw she was suffering just as much as he was. “I’ve had this trip booked since the beginning of the semester, otherwise I would stay with you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just grumpy.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my ass,” Keyleth’s eyes were starting to fill with tears, but Vax wiped them before they could fall. 

“I would have waited all my life. I will wait all my life for you, Keyleth, and if I die without you by my side, then I will wait in the afterlife for as long as it takes until we’re finally together.”

“Vax–”

“I love you, my sunshine.”

“I love you too, my grumpy raven,” Keyleth whispered against Vax’s lips before she kissed him longingly. “I have to go now,” She said, adjusting the straps on her shoulder.”

“Text me when you land?”

“Of course. I’ll miss you.”

“I’m right here with you,” Vax pulled the drawstrings of her hoodie. “I’ll always be with you, love.” Keyleth nodded. Neither could stop their tears from falling anymore, no matter how much they wiped at their eyes. 

“I’ll always be with you, too, Vax. I’m yours, forever and ever, and always.”

“And I’m yours, Keyleth. Forever and ever, and always.”

In hindsight, Vax should have known it would be the last time he kissed his girlfriend for a while, and Keyleth should have taken the five extra minutes to savor the taste of Vax’s tongue on hers. In retrospect, things could have been so much different than they were, had either of them known what would be waiting on the other side. But something deep inside Vax, a dark pitch that he had been trying to escape for years and that he finally thought he had gotten rid of with the help of Keyleth, crept closer and closer until, eventually, it swallowed Vax’ildan whole.

That is the problem with last kisses. Opposite of first kisses, last kisses aren’t usually memorable because one doesn’t always know it happened until it’s too late, and when one is finally faced with the truth, one can’t stop wishing they had just five more minutes of it. 

Just five more minutes with her. Just five more minutes with him.

Wishing they had just five more minutes together.

[mypoisonedvine]

i’m obsessed with the love bites verse! i loved jealous eddie but know all i can think of is jealous reader when she sees some girl hitting on eddie and then goes feral, just wearing his jacket and then riding him on his van to remind him that she might belong to him but he definitely belongs to her too 😌

You really, really wanted to like her. She seemed nice, she had great style, she just... she really needed to keep her hands to herself. Or, at least, off of your man.

Gale Penbrook made quite a splash at Hawkins High with her grunge look, dyed-black hair and smudged eyeliner and ripped tights. Even more than that, she got attention for her constant antics, getting dress coded just about daily and talking back to teachers.

She certainly got the attention of your boyfriend, who was always looking for kindred spirits and troublemakers to bond with. Still, did they have to bond like this?

"Oh my god!" she laughed loudly, grabbing his arm through the sleeve of his denim jacket. He was laughing, too, and looking at her-- fuck, it made your blood boil just as much as it made your heart sting. You weren't sure if he knew, but she was coming onto him... strongly, too.

He said something else, you couldn't hear exactly what, and she laughed even harder, tossing her head back. Jesus, she was laying it on thick, like she didn't even care that you were watching from across the cafeteria.

You hadn't even gotten all your food yet, but you darted out of the line with your tray just so you could storm over to the table. The one day you forget to pack your own lunch and it's the day you needed most not to leave those two alone at the Hellfire table...

You slammed your food down, seeming to startle them. "Hi!" you said sharply.

"Hey, babe," Eddie replied. "We were just talking about--"

"So, Gale," you turned to her, "must be hard at a new school and all, trying to adjust and meet all the new people. Maybe I should help you find a guy!"

A guy that isn't already taken, maybe...

Gale cleared her throat, leaning away from Eddie slightly. "Uh, honestly, I haven't thought about getting a boyfriend yet..."

"Well, maybe you should," you cooed, leaning forward onto the table and propping your chin up with your fists. "I mean, new school, new town-- lots of new boys to go out with!"

Eddie gave you a confused look.

And then there was the next day, when you told Eddie you were chilly while walking into school together, just to wear his jacket all day. You'd been hoping that would be enough to stake your claim, but when you exited into the hallway after class, you found her there with him by his locker, checking out his rings.

Feeling rage bubble up in the back of your throat, you stormed across the hall and grabbed him by his shirt, slamming him into a sudden kiss.

"H-hey," he mumbled into it, hesitating for just a second before resting his hands on your waist, pulling your body closer to his.

"Missed you," you replied, pulling back just enough to smirk as you looked up at him and his wide-eyed gaze before moving your lips with his once more.

You caught Gale in the corner of your eye, before you shut them, looking a little uncomfortable. Good! It's the least she deserved, after making you feel like a third wheel in your own relationship.

You licked across his tongue just before you broke away again, and fought the urge to smile when you saw him slowly blink his eyes open. He looked totally dumbfounded, spellbound, obsessed... just the way you liked him. "Can we... um, go somewhere?" you whispered to him, blinking up at him shyly and biting your lip.

"R-right now?" he stammered. "The bell's about to ring, and I was just talking to Gale--"

"Skip your next class," you instructed, "come talk to me... I need you, Ed."

He took in a breath before nodding, squeezing your waist a little. "Okay, let's... let's go to, uh... let's go somewhere."

As soon as he had you up on that bathroom counter, you couldn't stop pulling him closer, you couldn't stop kissing him deeper, you needed more-- you needed everything.

"Baby, baby," he soothed with a smile, "slow down--"

"Fuck me," you pleaded. "God, Ed, please? Please, right now-- need you right now--"

"Sweetheart," he sighed, holding your shoulders and stroking them gently. "What's gotten into you lately? I mean, I'm not exactly complaining, but... you've been all over me. And it's great, it just doesn't... I dunno, it doesn't feel right. Is something wrong?"

You bit your lip, sighing and looking away. "I... it's complicated."

"Are you sure it's complicated," he whispered, tilting his head to try to meet your gaze, "or are you just afraid to tell me? Because babe, I promise you can tell me anything."

You looked down, too afraid to look at him when you said it. "It's Gale."

"...Gale?" he repeated. "Gale makes you want to throw yourself all over me?"

"No! Well, yeah, kinda," you mumbled. "Uh, she's just been hanging around you a lot. And she's nice, but she's... she's so..."

"What?" he pressed.

"She's your type!" you blurted out, continuing when you caught his confused stare. "You know, the grunge stuff-- she wears shirts for the bands you like, she acts out just like you do. She's so cool and she's obviously into you--"

"Babe," he interjected, reaching up to hold your cheek in his hand and guide you to look at him. "Are you... jealous? Of Gale?"

You sighed shakily. "I'm just worried that... that since you and her have more in common--"

"Woah, hey," he soothed, leaning in to kiss your forehead. "I love you, but you sound insane right now."

You whined, rolling your eyes. "Eddie--"

"No, really listen to me," he demanded. "I'm not into cheerleaders."

You looked up at him, wrinkling your eyebrows together, feeling your heart sting. Could this be the beginning of the end?

"I'm not into punk chicks either," he replied. "I'm into you. You're my girl. Gale's cool, don't get me wrong, and I like her look-- but I love everything about you. I love that you listen to The Smiths and Madonna. I love your uniform and I love that when you're not wearing it, you look like you're going to Sunday school or something. And it's not because I've always dreamed of having a preppy girlfriend or something. I just want you!"

He shook your shoulders a little bit at the last part, for emphasis, and you couldn't help but smile.

"I can't believe I'm having to tell you this but--" he sighed, and got very serious-- "I have no interest in Gale, of... that variety. She's a friend. And if she makes you uncomfortable, she won't be a friend anymore. I love you, okay?"

You nodded shyly, looking down at your hands in your lap, swinging your legs where they dangled off the bathroom counter.

"Say it back," he pleaded gently.

"I love you too," you smiled, meeting his stare again. "It's okay if you're still friends with her-- but she needs to stop touching you, it drives me fucking crazy--"

"Okay, honey," he cooed, leaning in and kissing your temple. "You trust me, don't you? You know I only want you?"

You nodded again. "Yeah, Eddie, I know."

He kissed down the side of your face, stepping up closer to the counter to press himself up against you. "Aaaaand you know I'm really digging the way you look in my jacket, don't you?" he purred, and you bit your lip.

"Yeah," you smiled. "I think tonight you should come over and see how you dig seeing me in just your jacket."

He groaned through his teeth, his fingers digging into your waist. "That's... I like that idea, yeah."

"And, I was thinking," you continued, walking your fingers up his chest teasingly, "you could... take some pictures? You know, for safekeeping."

"God," he laughed thinly, grabbing your hips and pulling them to the edge of the counter so you could feel his erection pressed up to your core, "I can't believe you ever thought I could want anybody else, babe."