#me and my dog by boy genius was the most me song as well but then my dog died so i couldnt listen to that one for a long time as well lol

[faunandfloraas]

Wait you're a Phoebe fan too?! 😳

Omg yeah 🥰

[dontlikeadam]

Updated Song Interpretations

******

Track 1: Fortnight

Nothing overly specific or notable.

Could also just be referencing the fact that he now lives mostly in the US it appears. Between LA and NYC most likely.

Or when he started working with Jack and showed up in “her backyard”

"I love you, it’s ruining my life" could have also been something Matty said to her, or her to him. Would work either way.

For the music video- just a side by side photo comparing her music video to parts of his "Part of The Band" music video and his tour. 

The main notable thing being she was the white queen and he was the black king. She also included a dog like his black dog (who is hilariously named Mayhem)

Also the music video copying her old music video for Style.

Also a possible reference/ play on words to Mattys love of building forts, discussed later.

--------

Track 2: The Tortured Poets Dept

Pretty clear cut song, but some info.

Matty has mentioned his love of typewriters multiple times.

Matty is known for self-sabotaging and has admitted it multiple times.

Possibly brought up specifically him eating chocolate to relate back to his song chocolate.

“You awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head” Matty suffers from terrible nightmares and migraines, which he has talked about multiple times.

Lucy being Lucy Daccus from “Boy Genius” - who notably told him to F off after he tried to make a tweet about her, after the break-up

Him moving a ring from her middle finger to her ring finger just seems like such a Matty play to me lol. I can’t tell if that is just his MO and something he does or if that was truly sincere. He is too bipolar for me to stand by him on that one hahahah

"You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith. This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots". Jack Kerouac commonly stayed at the Chelsea hotel, as did Bob Dylan, Leonard Cohen and William Burroughs (who Matty mentions a lot as well). Sex pistols Nancy, from Sid and Nancy died there.

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Track 3: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

"But you should have seen him when he first got me" All I can think of is Matty at most of the shows from his birthday 2023 till when they went public in Nashville. He was beaming almost every single night on stage and seemed so content at a lot of those shows.

“There was a litany of reasons why, we could have played for keeps this time” relating back to them going back and forth since 2014

“I’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me” him always leaving to “save her”

“Just say when, I’d play again” —— uh oh lol

“My best friend” also maybe throwing back to the best friend line in her song about him, Maroon.

“He took me out of my box” - a reference to the box and also do being a doll he plays with

“Told me i’m better off”- still leaving to save her

"Put me back on the shelf, but first, pull the string and I'll tell you that he runs because he loves me" - Taylor being a doll who keeps giving him the excuse that he leaves to save her.

Overall addition. Her take is that they are insanely similar and they were perfect together, which freaked him out. She felt like they knew each other better than anyone else. They couldn't hide things from each other, because they are essentially playing the same game and doing the same art. They know all each others plays. So, where she really enjoyed that part of it, it was too "real" for him, so he left/ ruined it.

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Track 4: Down Bad

"Did you really beam me up. In a cloud of sparkling dust" Just to do experiments on?" I am thinking Matty's lab from his videos. Which she also has in the fortnight MV.  Matty during that entire lab coat phase. This was the part of him switching from his childish “Truman Black” personality to his “Matty” lab coat.

"I'll build you a fort on some planet. Where they can all understand it. How dare you think it's romantic, leaving me safe and stranded". Reference to Matty's fort. Taylor saying she could figure out a way where they could have their love and his fort and she could make people understand. Him instead leaving her stranded to "save her".

“All your indecent exposures, how dare you say that it’s…..” OVER. Taylor not even being able to say it. Referring to all of Matty's shit talking, especially on podcasts.....

"Like I lost my twin" returning to the reference that they are essentially very similar people, which from what we know is pretty accurate, especially as artists and performers.

------

Track 5: So Long, London

Truly a song for London as the main plot. After like 5-6 English boyfriends that never worked, she is done with the city. Matty was the last one......

"I saw in my mind fairy lights threw the mist" Possibly reference to Matty's fairy lights in his fort.

"I didn't opt in to be your odd man out" reference back to Bejeweled and not being in his top 5 (Joe)

"I founded the club she has heard great things about" Taylor saying the girls are only interested in him because of her. She put him on the map/ founded the club.

"I stopped CPR, after all, its no use" A line relating back to her final song to Joe "You're losing me"

"Two Graves, One Gun" I think songs really relates to pieces of both Joe and Matty and the city. Possibly relating to the two gunshots in Smallest Man on ERA's tour.

---------

Track 6: But Daddy I Love Him

A song about the fans that dragged/attacked him and was sending him and his family death threats, trying to put her in a conservatorship etc.

"They slammed the door on my whole world. The one thing I wanted" She was finally happy and she had professed that before playing the secret song Question? while Matty was at the show. She said she was the happiest she had ever been and everything made sense for her. But instead of being happy for her, they slammed the door in her face and ruined it.

"I'm having his baby, No I'm not, but you should see your faces" A very funny line, thats a little unusual for her. Trying to make a funnier album then Mattys album? He prides himself on being funny in his lyrics, but especially for BFIAFL

“Tendrils tucked into a woven braid” - We always felt the braid was there as a call out to Matty, so this is just funny to me. She was always trying to show him she wanted him back, which we delusional guessed but thought we were truly crazy.

"We came back when the heat died down. Went to my parents and they came around". Referring to when they tried to date in 2014/2015/2016 And then coming back around in 2023? Or referencing when we assume they broke up in early July- then the rumors they were still trying to work something out after that.

“Even my daddy just loves him” Matty was seen with her dad at most of the shows, never her mom lol

New theory going around is that the end of this song switches to Travis. If you do that theory:

Travis would start after the line "but fuck 'em its over"

That would make the following lyrics Travis-

"Now I'm dressing in my dress in the sun, and even my daddy just loves him"

and

"Time doesn't it give some perspective? And no, you can't come to the wedding"

Then it just repeats the verse.

My argument would be that the second line about the wedding doesn't really fit to me. Everyone was always fine with her and Travis. And Travis is essentially her just dating the exact person all the people who were mad about Matty, would want her to date.

-----------

Track 7: Fresh Out the Slammer

Confirmation that Matty and T were something prior to her and Joe being completely finished.

"Splintered back in winter, silent dinners, bitter". Winter of 2021 or 2022?

"He was with her in dreams" Joe wasn't happy either and was thinking about someone else

"Camera Flashes, Welcome Bashes. Get the matches, toss the ashes off the ledge" - She was ready to go public and knew it would get negative attention. She was fine with burning it all down.

"Starting Line” reference, which is one of Mattys favorite old bands and he sang them during his tour while they were dating.

"As I said in my letters" - possible link back to the letters link between her and Matty?

"At the park where we used to sit on children's swings, wearing imaginary rings" - Back to the wedding/marriage plans

Track 8: Florida

Florida was the first Eras tour she did after her breakup with Joe was announced. Otherwise nothing major here I noticed yet. I am sure we are missing something though. I wonder if this song is something personal to them. Also the song could truly be one of the random songs she just throws on. Overall theme is just how everyone eventually ends up "running away" and moving to Florida.

--------

Track 9: Guilty as Sin

Song about wanting to be with Matty while still with Joe. How to be as close to him as possible without actually cheating.

Backing track is almost identical to Mattys "About You"

"Downtown Lights” reference, one of Mattys favorites. Sent to her while she was still with Joe and "bored and caged".

"I keep these longings locked, in lowercase, inside a vault" - clue of some sort? referring to imgonnagetyouback ? 1975 songs? fallingforyou, lostmyhead. Reputation vault tracks?

"I'm seeing visions, am I bad? or mad? or wise?" just reminds me of Matty saying you can't be wise and in love in his interview.

"Why does it feel like a vow we will both uphold some how" wedding/ marriage reference again.

""If long suffering propriety is what they want from me, they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly. I choose you and me, religiously" - They want her to be good and proper, but they have no idea how much she has always wanted to be with him.

"One slip and falling back into the hedge maze" AKA a Labyrinth/ which is a Matty coded Midnights track.

---------

Track 10: Who's Afraid of Little Ole Me

A song partially to Matty, about how she was about to lay all this out. The rest I think is about her fans/ the press.

She is tried of everyone thinking she is too prim and proper and PC to ever fight back.

"If you wanted me dead, you should have just said" - a reference to smallest man and her asking if he was sent by someone who wanted her dead? Also the press/fans

“The scandal was contained, the bullet had just grazed” Her covering his scandals. The Ice Spice collab for sure. That was a terrible collaboration thrown together last minute to cover for him.

"You don't get to tell me you feel bad" - possibly Matty saying he felt bad for everything that happened or was happening.

“Is it a wonder I broke? Let’s hear one more joke” A reference to Matty always trying to make a joke out of everything or the press/media always making jokes about her misfortunes.

---------

Track 11: I Can Fix Him

"They shake their heads saying god help her when I tell them he's my man" - funny line about Matty

“The dopamine races through his brain. On a six-lane Texas highway” “Roadkill" reference most likely.

"His hands so calloused from his pistol, softly traces hearts on my face" Reference to his callouses from playing the guitar and his pistol being his songs?

Honestly I need a good guy with "I can fix her, no really I can" energy. Where is that? I need someone like that.....

-----------

Track 12: loml

Her chicago secret song ( I don’t want to live forever) and her crying during "did I dodge a bullet or just lose the love of my life” right around when the breakup was announced

"Mr. Steal Your Girl" besides the pop culture reference, Matty's MO lately has been winning over taken women.

“You cinephile in black and white” - A reference to Mattys love of black and white art/ movies

"You shit talked me under the table” - He IS a huge shit talker in general lol

"I wish I could un-recall how we almost had it all" - A reference back to Me and You Together Song and About You

“Oh what a valiant roar, What a bland goodbye. The coward claimed he was a lion. I'm combing through the braids of lies” - He came in hot. Fighting for her. Doing everything to get her and then bailed. Also the braid again.

“I’ll never leave, Never mind" also a reference to his song Change of Heart which he focused on all tour.

"Your arson’s match, your somber eyes” - His self-sabotage again and his sad eyes.

------------

Track 13: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

I love this goofy little song so much.

Her doing the Chicago shows and beyond after him leaving. Also maybe a slight at the fact he was breaking down on stage off and on his entire tour, but she was trucking along.

“Lights, Camera, Bitch Smile” - is one of my favorite lines on this album in general.

"I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday". Another funny line.

“I cry a lot, but I am so productive” She was destroyed, but she was touring and getting this entire album together.

"I keep finding his things in drawers. Crucial evidence, I didn't imagine the whole thing" The Damn Beatles Shirt of his she kept showing up in not long after they broke up.

“All the pieces of me shattered, As the crowd was chanting More!" "as the crowd cheers for an overdose", a Matty lyric from the song Paris. And obviously she has a song Paris too.

---------------

Track 14: The Smallest Man

The sigh........ A very similar sigh to how she started "Your losing me" her main song for Joe after their break up.

"They just ghosted you, now you know what it feels like" Oh Matty….. the king of ghosting women. He is a true child….. This is sort of referenced again in Stevie's poem saying that "He didn't say goodbye"

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years will all this be declassified?" Taylors confusion about if it was real or just a "bit". Reminding me of the Radio 1 performance and Matty mentioning the possibility of “is it a bit, or is it sincere" in his lab coat. Referencing back to her wondering if it was all an experiment. But that is something Matty says and comments on all the time…... About what is real and what is not, so also sort of just a fascination he has had his entire career. Also reference to the fact he says he has been sort of writing a book/ movie/ documentary for ages and its never gotten done.

"You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars" Matty's MO of finding random girls to date. Finding them on instagram, following them and then showing up with them a few weeks later.

"You crashed my party and your rental car" Reference to him crashing his rental car in LA after returning from Malaysia. No idea why I find it so funny that she knew about this.

"You said normal girls were boring, but you were gone by morning" Referencing that the “normal” instagram girls like Meredith, Ana and Charlotte were boring. The girls who weren’t really “famous" or artists.

"You kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing" - reference to the fact that no one can tell when he is performing or when he is being real. He's not on stage, but he's performing.

Overall just a very standard pissed off/ scorned women song. Very overdramatized and a representation of how pissed/hurt she was at the time.

------------------

Track 15: The Alchemy

Song about Travis with the quirky goofy football lines.

“These chemicals hit me like white wine” A reference to Travis being white wine after Matty (and his known love of red wine) He switched to Whisky from red wine on the tour after Taylor. He has a line in his song “Give yourself a try” about growing up and how “whisky never starts to taste nice”.

"The hospital was a drag" - The perceived psych hospital she was in after Matty

"I haven't been around in so long, but I am making a comeback to where I below" Referencing dating an American again?

"He said its Heroin, but this time with an "e"” Travis talking about her being his Heroine instead of Matty talking about his struggle with Heroin. A wordplay used in multiple songs by emo/punk bands. ie: Boys Like Girls. Silverstein. Also hilarious because I was at the Boys Like Girls show when they sang Sweet Caroline into Oh Caroline. And she would have just been working with Martin again for 1989 TV……. Also the main reason I can't listen to this song. Such a low blow and so unnecessary. Either she is just story telling, or her and Travis are making fun of Matty's addiction... either way. Not needed. This song and reference bothers me more than any of the shit in smallest man.

A second option:

The Alchemy: If also about Matty

Why this would work:

It would essentially make all of Poets about Matty, except for the random songs that are about Taylor or about a generic concept. Thats pretty standard for her. This would fit the same style album as Lover and how it was for Joe. The anthology album would then be considered separate.

This would also work since she has the Stevie poem at the start, which would link the album clearly to Matty.

For what it's worth when asked his favorite song between The Alchemy and The Man, Travis chose "The Man"

Wine reference

"What if I told you I'm back" - coming back to Matty

"The hospital was a drag" - being with Joe and his depression etc.

"I circled you on a map. I haven't come around in so long" - her having her eye on him from the start and not seeing him in a while.

"Touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team" - Plane touching down. Joe was a big rugby fan, so maybe added the sports references as a dig at him or possibly since Matty is a soccer fan?

"Ditch the clowns, get the crown, baby I'm the one to beat" - crown reference

'Cause the sign on your heart said its still reserved for me" - didn't fit with Travis, would work for Matty

"Honestly, whoa are we to fight the alchemy?" - who are they to fight fate? love? Chemistry? Alchemy and Matty's lab?

"Hey you, what if I tell you were cool. That child's play back in school is forgiven under my rule" - Saying that she let it go, she doesn't care, they were just kids.

"But I'm making a comeback to where I belong" - going back to him"

"He jokes that it's Heroin but this time with a "e" " Would fit with Matty's jokes and the common emo theme of using similar lyrics.

Then it goes into the strong sports verse, which I can't really decipher the point of... unless it was added later as a red herring?

"Shirts off, and your friends lift you up over their heads. Beer sticking to the floor, cheers chanted 'cause they said There was no chance, tryna be the greatest in the league. Where's the trophy? He just comes running over to me"

"These blokes warm the benches, we been on a winning streak" blokes would be English not American...

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Track 16: Clara Bow:

Song mostly about fame and maybe Travis, but layered with Matty/ 75 items

"Breath of fresh air thru the smoke rings" Travis verse Matty "Stevie Nicks/ 75"

"Half moonshine, a full eclipse" Reference back to Question? and "Half moon eyes/ big surprise” being Matty

"Beauty and the Beast” awwwwww lord

"You look like Taylor Swift" "You've got edge she never did. The futures bright. Dazzling" Back to "The old Taylor can't come to the phone right now, because she's dead" and lead into Rep. Reference back to Bejeweled and "The Band". Also possibly a reference to Olivia Rodrigo and the fact she would have more edge than Taylor and was always considered the one coming up after her.

“The futures bright, dazzling” Referring to how Matty was the who made her bejeweled after Joe… now she is “Dazzling” with Travis.

The crown mentioned again…..

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The Black Dog:

The Black Dog - Bar in London - Or just a name she used to reference and to correlate with Mayhem. Also possibly a bar Joe used to go to a lot, so may have been used to ruin his favorite bar.

"You shared your secrets with and your location" Is anyone else shocked Matty would share his location with his girlfriend? I was shook lol

"When someone plays the Starting Line and you jump up. But she's too young to know this song, that was intertwined in the magic fabric of our dreaming." "Old habits die screaming" Matty returned to dating girls decently younger than him, who wouldn't know his references. Reminded of him mentioning how hard it finds it to relate to Gen Z anymore.

More references to him "acting" in real life.

"Six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke" - this was seemingly written around 6 weeks after they broke up based on some photos by Jack.

"And remember, how my rain-soaked body was shaking" Most likely referencing after the Nashville rain show or the Gillette rain show, both were pretty cool temperature wise.

"Were you making fun of me with some esoteric joke?" Back to radio 1 and Matty saying is it real or is it all a bit? Or just him in general always joking about serious things.

"Now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes" Burning down the lover house from tour? New part or Era's tour? New outfits?

Update: We did get TTPD and New outfits, but Lover house is still just burning away

----------

The Albatross

I really didn't know where this song was going, but I did see a theory on twitter that it may be about how dating her almost ruined Matty's career and I could totally see that.

"They tried to warn you about me. Cross your thoughtless heart" Him going into their relationship even though he was probably warned it wouldn't go well

"She's the death you chose, you're in terrible danger" see imgonnagetyouback and idea that she is going to kill him either way.

"and when that sky rains fire on you and you're persona non grata, I'll tell you how I've been there too and that none of it matters" Referencing when the hate started piling on, and her saying she can relate because its happened to her too. Also persona non grata possibly relating to him going back to Europe ( even though it was for shows) when the hate was really bad.

"Wise men once read fake news and they believed it." Everyone believing whatever they read about Matty

"You were sleeping soundly when they dragged you from your bed. And I tried to warn you about them" Taylor probably giving him a heads up that them dating wouldn't go well with her fans.

"So I crossed my thoughtless heart, spread my wings like a parachute. I'm the albatross, I swept in at the rescue" Her trying to cover for him (ie the awful and rushed Ice Spice collab) also, depending on how you think this album went she could be referring to putting out this album to clap back at her fans that acted insane before.

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The Manuscript:

After further review this song seems 100% like John Mayer.

"He said, Im not a donor but..." I AM OFFENDED - for those who are new I work in Lung Transplant lol

"I'm not a donor but I'd give you my heart if you needed it. She rolled her eyes and said 'You're a professional" John Mayer has always been known as a sort of professional play boy.

"In the age of him she wished she was thirty" at the time they dated, Taylor was 19 and John was 31.

"Afterward she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mothers bed" her going from wanting to be older to regressing to a child after they broke up.

"Then she dated boys who were her own age with dartboards on the backs of their doors" After John she dated a college student at Belmont and Taylor Lautner, both were closer to her age.

"She thought about how he said , since she was so wise beyond her years everything had been above board. She wasn't sure." Him trying to cover for their age gap. She has been very vocal on how she felt this age gap was never OK and that he shouldn't have dated her. See Would've Could've Should've

"The professor said to write what you know" she would have felt like John was the teacher at the time. He was significantly older than her and had been known as a top song writer for ages.

---------

The Bolter:

-----------

The Anthology- to note these could have been recorded and written much later, as they do not have vinyls or any hard hard copies that would have needed to be prepped.

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imgonnagetyouback: --- all lowercase

I am going to get you back, and I am going to get you back for hurting me (double meaning) Her trying to figure out if she is gonna keep fighting for them or lash out at him.

Intro is almost identical to Looking for Somebody to Love

This song also makes me think "uh oh" lol The same uh oh I felt when the 1975 started working with Jack. hahahah

"Whether I'm gonna be your wife or gonna smash your bike, I haven't decided yet" reference to falling for you and Matty mentioning all he needs is her gynormous house and his bike. - Not a song about Taylor, but a song he would dedicate to her.

"Flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party" her leaving him next time instead of vice versa

"Act like I don't care what you did" could be any of the million things Matty did/ said between them in 2014 and now.

"I'm an Aston Martin that you steered straight into the ditch, then ran and hid" Another ghosting reference.

"Pick your poison babe, I'm poison either way" saying he could either come back or stay away, she was going to "kill"/ruin him either way.

------------

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus:

"Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness, Named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus and I just watched it happen". The fact Matty was out with all sorts of other people and she just watched.

"And you saw my bones out with somebody new, who seemed like they would've bullied you in school and you just watched it happen" - The fact she was with Travis and he didn't do anything or say anything. She was still giving Matty signs (ie Beatles shirt, Griff song) via posts even after start of Travis, so she was initially still hoping he would stop her.

"I changed into goddesses, villains and fools. Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you. And you just watched it" Taylor re-arranged her life for him. Broke all her own "rules" for him and he let her (all to ghost her in the end)

"If you want to tear my world apart, just say you've always wondered". When Matty and her re-connected he must have said he always wondered what they could be if they tried again (or something along those lines). Then he tore her world apart.

"And if you have some kids with an internet starlet, will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon" A throwback to Maroon being about Matty. A song she played over and over as her "secret song" for Era's. She also played Maroon in LA. When Slut! was apparently supposed to have been released.

"cooler in theory, but not if you force it to be" The fact they most romanticized their relationship, but they couldn't force it to work.

"Will I always wonder" Because he ghosted and she never got closure. -----------

Peter:

Decently Straight Forward. This song was the one that made me cry on first listen.

Throwback to Cardigan and the line "Peter losing Wendy"

"Forgive me Peter, my lost fearless leader" - reference back to him telling her she needed a brave man, "then proceeded to play one"

"Lost to the Lost Boys chapter of your life. Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried". He never did grow up. She was tired of waiting.

Overall, more references to him making big promises and breaking them.

------------

How Did it End?

Most likely Joe? I could argue it either way, but Joe fits a little better.

"He was a hothouse flower to my outdoorsman" He was a total introvert and she is obviously not.

"and so a touch that was my birthright became foreign" a familiar touch that she assumed she would have forever becoming unfamiliar.

"We'll tell no one, except all of our friends" - telling no one that they had broken up, when it initially happened, except for all of their friends.

"We were blind to unforced circumstances" - depression? Covid? Lockdown?

"and fell victim to interlopers glances" - She was obviously interested in at least Matty, she has noted in earlier songs Joe was thinking of other people too

"Didn't you hear they called it all off? One gasp, and then. How did it end?" The shock everyone felt that they had broken up.

--------------

I Look in Peoples Windows

Train reference. Always headed in different directions.

"I'm afflicted by the not knowing" Always wanting to know what they could be

"What if your eyes looked up and met mine, one more time" Always wanting to give it another chance

"I tried searching faces on streets, what are the chances you'd be downtown" She was always looking for him, wherever she went

"Does it feel alright to not know me. I'm addicted to the 'if only'" Asking if he does OK when they are apart, because she never stops thinking about what they could be

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The Prophecy:

"Hand on the throttle, thought I caught lightning in a bottle, oh, but its gone again" She thought they were finally going to be able to be together.

"I guess a lesser woman would've lost hope" relates to the fact she has spent the last 10 years hoping it would work out.

"don't want money, just someone who wants my company. Let it once be me, who do I speak to about if they can re-do the prophecy" - she has everything else, but just wants someone to love her.

Song overall also referring to the fact she feels like she can not get anyone to commit to her, no matter how hard she tries. The fact that she has all the money in the world, but no partner.

"Poison blood from the wound of the pricked hand. Oh, still I dream of him" still wanting Matty.

"No sign of soulmates" "I'm afraid I sealed my fate. No sign of soulmates" I think she truly thought Matty was always her soulmate. No matter who she was with, she kept faith they could always still work out. Now she truly feels she has nothing left to hold onto.

I think she may think she sealed her fate with her fame. She made herself so famous that a relationship with her is intolerable to most people.

---------------

So High School:

Travis.

"You know how to ball, I know Aristotle"

Also this song is soooooo bad. I can't survive a Travis album if this is going to be a vibe. I may tap out.

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I Hate it Here:

I have no real thoughts on this song.

---------

ThanK you aIMee:

Kim K

---------

Cassandra:

Taylor

Most likely referring to a lot of situations (Scott B, Scooter, Kim/Kanye) where she tried to warn people and no one listened to her and instead would either try to silence her or try to ruin her.

----------

Robin:

For Aarons son, Robin?

[noro-noro-noro]

nap dreams?

- first some kind of live action dnd thin. you got to walk around in areas and had the option to like get into character or you could just investigate & be yourself. there were various props and stuff like the magiquest at Great Wolf Lodge that wpulr react and all

- I was there with a love interest ...? were we exes? there was some kind of tension but our charavyers had to be together which trabslated to we had to be close. my dad was also there voicing some of the NPCs. most notable was an imp named bleego who I wanted to see if I could kill and the answer was no & he rolled a 10d12 attack against me. the attack rolled an 11 & I rolled a 14 on "oven" and blocked the move with oven. then we "reloaded".

- some kinda gimmick where you could get achievement items and they had their own space on the map that they went to. a big field divided up by an invisible grid that went up to 100. sometims the achievement space was intentionally glitchy - item 48 did not exist and instead teleported the party to the central of the achievement map. my sister was here now there was a hole in the map where you could see people who bought the live action bg3 rescuiny astarion from a secret cave. the live action was actually p neat you moved your character around on a board aboveground and a very realistic hologram of them would walk around and interact with the environment. astarion himself was an animatronic. the guy narrating the event (a real guy) was also down there. my dad was also down there fishing with a magical lure. there was something sparkling in the water

- my sister lowered me down and I got my dad's attention and he fished up the magical item. it glowed purple. the narrator guy did not allow me to take it he was like ahahaha this is a um. parallel universe. you can't take thet back but I applaud your genius and trnscity.

- then we went into bleego's house and he had a big sweet dog and then into the gift shop gift shop had a lot of shit. don't remember too much.

- after going back to bleego housebleego was confused why the dog didn't attack me bf apparently tjr chweacters o was plasing had celestial blood. didn't know that.

2

- hanginf out with some friends in the bonus room of my mom's house.andtheir kid brother . sister there is well

- eventually.y fate takes me outside and this briefly turns into "the widely hated final Simpsons episode ending" where homer is knee deep in like an acid sludge and the fates show up wearing swim caps and shove him all the way in, but he recognizes their hats and covers his brain and instead of dying becomes a spirit but his body is gone and the sludge drains away. all that's left is a naked woman's corpse and a blanket twisted up on the ground and homer Simpson invisible spirit. one of the kids sees the outside reports back to morge who thought I was cheating on her and ran away. I couldn't interact and they fpulent see me but I promised to haunt my kifs forever and made a heart it it plaudough for the bwby.. thr bwbt knew j was s there.

- cut back to human time with friends. one of them humming along to a song I like that does not exist in the real world. we planned to leave for somewhere and the kid bro randomly tookhis pants off whd I was like boy put those back

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 19/08/2023 (Olivia Rodrigo, Fred again../Obongjayar, casso/RAYE/D-Block Europe)

Content warning: In-depth discussion of mostly right-wing US politics, including references to Epstein, anti-Semitism, suicide, etc. and brief mention of prostitution

ACR hits, taking Dave and Cench off their throne as Billie grabs her first week with her second #1 on the UK Singles Chart, “What Was I Made For?” from the Barbie soundtrack. I am absolutely not complaining with this one - probably one of my favourite songs on the chart altogether, if not my absolute favourite - but regardless, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

“Sprinter” is at #10… by the way, but what we always start off with are our notable dropouts, which are songs exiting from the UK Top 75 after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, we say farewell to yet another premature ZAYN single with “Love Like This” - I told you when it debuted that the cycle would repeat - as well as “Nothing Compares 2 U” by the late Sinéad O’Connor, “Super Shy” by NewJeans, “Toxic Trait” by Stormzy and Fredo, “Don’t Say Love” by Leigh-Anne, “Tattoo” by Loreen, “Boy’s a liar” by PinkPantheress and “Escapism.” by RAYE featuring 070 Shake.

As for our returns, I guess we see a second viral resurgence of “Dog Days are Over” by Florence + the Machine at #67, but what are infinitely more interesting are our few gains, those being “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac at #65, Luke Combs’ cover of “Fast Car” at #39, “Bittersweet Goodbye” by Issey Cross at #38, “Asking” by Sonny Fodera and MK featuring Clementine Douglas at #31 and off of the debut, “Paint the Town Red” by Doja Cat at #15. Yeah, I’m glad this seems like it’s going to stick around.

Our top five on the UK Singles Chart this week consists of “(It Goes Like) Nanana” by Peggy Gou at #5, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift at #4, “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo at #3, “Dance the Night” by Dua Lipa at #2 and finally, of course, “What Was I Made For?” at the very top. Now for our assorted range of new songs, and they, uh, sure are something.

NEW ARRIVALS

#66 - “Feel It” - Jazzy

Produced by D.O.D and Hannah Laing

You could not possibly comprehend how excited I was to see that Irish singer Jazzy had finally ditched Belters Only. “Giving Me” had grown on me in a hypnosis kind of way, but mostly because of Jazzy’s vocals, so I was very glad to see her team up with D.O.D and Hannah Laing, two much more talented and interesting producers. I’m assuming there’s an extended version of this song that the general public does not yet have access to, because on Spotify, the only version available is a “club edit”, and on Genius, the lyrics are described as snippets. Regardless, this is obviously a marked improvement. Jazzy actually has some room to get expressive - well, she had the room but never the reason to - whilst the hardcore kicks and punchier, almost factory-esque percussion from our much-preferred production duo lead to a very busy two minutes. It almost doesn’t function that well as a club track honestly as a result, instead just feeling like a complete mantra, but not at all a mindless one, and the final drop absolutely would go hard at a party with that infectious cheap, bouncy lead synth. This is not exactly all that innovative, and lyrically, there’s almost literally nothing to it, but with those two on production, it’s at least guaranteed to be a greatly-composed tune and for the two minutes it has to impress me, it sounds good. Call me a fan of this one, I’m interested to see where Jazzy goes next.

#64 - “Rich Men North of Richmond” - Oliver Anthony Music

Produced by Oliver Anthony

It’s not too hard to understand how we got here. Firstly, it was viral marketing - YouTube, for the most part, isn’t region-locked. If we can understand the language, chances are we’ll check it out. Secondly, the stars align trend-wise. We’re in a cost-of-living crisis under a government full of scandalised MPs, the level of political polarisation as well as general “I’m fed up with this crap” sentiment is on a similar level here as in the US, and hey, country’s on the rise, Combs is in the top 40. This entering our charts, and presumably not for long, makes sense. For a moment, let’s ignore just about everything else we know about this song apart from the song itself. Let’s ignore that it’s been propped up if not directly funded by alt- and far-right figures in America, let’s ignore that John Rich has latched onto this grift, let’s presume Anthony’s entire persona and backstory is true, and we can even dismiss that he’s a fan of videos claiming Israelis did 9/11. Let’s just listen to the song, and honestly, it’s pretty good. Now I don’t agree with everything in the song, and to be completely honest, the professional vocal recording and repetitive writing does not make this seem authentic. Let’s start with the positives though - the performance is fantastic, as Anthony still has that youthful crack to him, leading to some really frustrated and powerful vocal takes, whilst also taking some smokier, wiser inflections that really accentuate the idea of “living in the New World with an old soul”. The guitar work is fantastic in terms of its jumbled twang, and the stripped-back format makes Anthony’s paranoia regarding government elites seem very palpable as honestly, it is, because a good-faith interpretation of this could very much see this as a more centrist commentary, wherein Anthony shares opinions that a lot of rural American men have currently, as they reasonably feel left in the dust by the political system as it currently functions. It can leave you thinking that you don’t have many individual freedoms, and I’d very much argue he’s right about that. There are some “dogwhistle”-esque lyrics, sure, that imply a right-wing perspective, but unlike Jason Aldean, wherein due to the incredibly inauthentic presentation, it isn’t difficult to stamp those as such, I would argue that Anthony could very well be much more genuine than a lot of people are willing to believe. He’s anti-taxation, he mocks the welfare queen stereotype, although not in a way that I think is outright aggressive towards that type of person instead of the type of government that produces it, and “north of Richmond” has its... connotations. Sure, but I’m pretty sure we can agree that elite politicians, including those who love this song, are out-of-touch, right? People work too much for low pay, the average man is taxed unfairly when you consider how much large corporations are taxed, there is increased surveillance of individual freedoms that can make people feel unsafe, politicians should be looking out for low-income and hazardous jobs including mining, it’s sad that young men are killing themselves because they can’t find work or good self-esteem, and I’m pretty sure we can all agree that our public figures, regardless of party or country, should not be cozying up with Epstein, oh, and you know, homelessness is bad! These are pretty non-partisan, general ideas that aren’t exactly signs of a plant propped up by the alt-right, even if it were song long-time 4D-chess-game grifter. Hey, maybe I’ll be proved wrong eventually, but for once, put away your bad-faith interpretations. See what you can agree with on “the other side” when it comes to average people expressing their frustrations, and I’m still holding out for hope that this is what that is, and maybe you’ll realise we’re all on the same side in the first place.

#61 - “Quarter Past 3” - Fredo featuring Eric IV

Produced by Show n Prove

Well, we have two UK rap songs in a row here, starting with a track from Fredo’s newest album, Unfinished Business, which debuted at #9 on this week’s albums chart. I haven’t really been all that impressed by Fredo in a while, and it’s unlikely a guitar-led lovey-dovey track, wherein the guitar sounds more meancing than romantic, is likely to improve that. Rappers can obviously write love songs, but Fredo’s airy, sometimes on-the-nose delivery sounds really jammed-in when placed against content about girls, especially given the nasal, low-effort hook from Eric IV and a beat that doesn’t sound romantic at all. Maybe that’s the point, I mean, he says in the second verse possibly the saddest line I’ve heard him deliver: “I don’t even think I know what love involves.” Jesus, man. Otherwise, there really isn’t much to this.

#55 - “Facade” - Digga D and Potter Payper

Produced by ???

Digga D, come on, man. It takes five seconds to say who produced your beat. Oh, and also, don’t stab prostitutes, but that’s a tad late for that advice now it’s already in the first verse. This beat is even less remarkable than Fredo’s, with a choppy sample that plays for way too long uninterrupted in the intro, even if it’s at least a bit worth it for the intensity of the scurrying drums that eventually drop onto it and a pretty good verse from Digga D finally, even if his content is rote and his delivery is obnoxious as always, nothing against the guy but I can’t really find much enjoyment in his on-the-nose toxicity, it doesn’t feel all that transgressive when he’s just rapping like any British rapper. Potter Payper was only recently freed from detainment, which may explain in part the mixing on his vocals, but as expected, he’s much more unhinged flow-wise, whilst giving more detail in his content and sounding… genuinely menacing. I think I actually like this guy nowadays, just because he goes so relentlessly hard regardless of anything around him or what lyrics he’s delivering. A third verse from Digga wasn’t really necessary though, it just elongates what is otherwise a pretty okay track. At least there’s more energy to it.

#32 - “Prada” - casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe

Produced by casso

No umlauts allowed. Alright, so you remember “Ferrari Horses”? I’m not sure if I maintain that it’s DBE’s best song, but it definitely was my favourite at the point of its release, and a lot of that is due to RAYE’s involvement, with her ghostly riffing and backing harmonies that would turn your average DBE song into a pretty spooky affair, but given the hypnotising, transforming beat accentuated with a gloomy strings section and reverb-drenched vocals from Adz, as well as Dirtbike Lb delivering his signature despair as always, in a way that actually plays off RAYE a lot better than you’d expect. My favourite moment is still Adz’s falsetto branching into RAYE’s silky pre-chorus. Now who would hear that and think they should make a trance remix? Genuinely, why would that ever occur to you? You have to speed up the song, so you rid it of its atmosphere, and then casso just places it against an otherwise perfectly serviceable jerky and fun trance beat, that I probably would like in any other situation, but it’s way too bubbly for anything about this song. Just… why would you ruin a perfectly good trance beat and a perfectly good trap song? It makes hypothetical sense as a mashup, like I could see this uploaded by a 50-subscriber YouTube account, but a streaming release? Why? Just baffling.

#12 - “adore u” - Fred again.. and Obongjayar

Produced by Fred again.., Four Tet, PARISI and Tobias Wincorn

This is a pretty high debut for Fred again.. as he links up with his typical co-producers, including Four Tet who I feel adds a lot to their recent collaborative material, as well as Obongjayar, a Nigerian musician I know mostly from their work with Danny Brown and Little Simz. Of course, like many of Fred’s tracks, this is actually a rework of an existing song by his guest star, this case being Obongjayar’s 2022 song “I Wish it Was Me”, which is a genuinely adorable song that explores how proud he is of his brother’s success on stage, whilst also acknowledging the negative thoughts of low self-esteem and envy that come with having someone so talented in your family. Its minimal, wonky synth composition and the intimate vocals really help sell it so once again, I have a lot of questions about how this will end up in an EDM context, alongside a sample of 80s comedy rap trio the Fat Boys. No, really. The answer is… pretty awkwardly as once again, we have these atmospheric vocals being isolated and sped up onto a goofy house beat with bubbly synths. Why is that something that happened consecutively? Why would you speed his vocals up like that? The lyrics don’t really get any changed context with this extra backing, and the 90s house pianos sound less stock than usual, but still don’t justify their existence. And why are the Fat Boys here, in a muffled refrain - or bridge? What’s going on? Freddo Frog here ends up placing the Fat Boys sample in the front of the mix against some synthwave bass before strings and a stray vocal sample come in for no reasonable reason, just kind of throwing stuff at the mix with little atmospheric justification. This is bizarre… and it doesn’t even go off! I do think that the “I adore you” refrain and even the Fat Boys sample have a lot of potential, and I’d actually oddly like to say that I’d love to see what the Chainsmokers could do with this material, but I think I’ll stick to the original, once again..

#6 - “bad idea right?” - Olivia Rodrigo

Produced by Dan Nigro

Sigh… you have the door opening sound effect, the whispered hey that finds itself into the composition, the very typical post-punk revival riff, the faux-rapping, the teen-pop harmonies in the refrain placed over an instrumental that wants nothing to do with them, the predictable development of the intensity in the pre-chorus… it’s all just, expected, isn’t it? Even when we get to the “blast” in the chorus, the cathartic release, it’s just a bratty staccato refrain. To be completely fair, I like elements of this song - the writing is much more interesting than “vampire” and she’s developed a great narrative voice, and the chopping of the “ah” vocal in the second refrain is pretty genius, actually, and I’m not going to complain about a solo or this level of feedback being in the top 10. Yet for a song that should be this full-of-regret mosh, everything just falls too cleanly into place, to the point that the song even fades out instead of bothering to formulate an emotionally effective outro. It hits all the right chords, for the most part, but so neatly that it fails to serve the purpose of its sound or its messy post-breakup content. Also, it cannot be a coincidence that Paramore released a post-punk revival just a few months before this. It’s not a direct interpolation like “good 4 u” and it’s a different approach but, come on - the connection’s already inherently there, it doesn’t need emphasising.

Conclusion

Well, that was, uh… a week, though not one I feel is actually worth much analysis in the short-term - some of this I do think will stick around for longer, and some of these - for better or for worse - will be indicative of trends to come, at least I’d predict so. As for the Best of the Week… alright, call me far-right, whatever, but ultimately I do this because I’m a fan of music, and I mean, the man has music in his stagename. Oliver Anthony Music grabs the Best of the Week for “Rich Men North of Richmond”, with Jazzy of all people snabbing the Honourable Mention with “Feel It”. That is a bizarre choice considering what my taste typically is in this series, but I mean, the rest of our songs aren’t exactly a lovely little basket of apples to pick from. Olivia Rodrigo just gets Worst of the Week for “bad idea right?” - I really hope there’s more to like on GUTS than what the singles are indicating - and the Dishonourable Mention could really go to anyone, but Fredo and Eric IV are the most boring so it goes to “Quarter Past 3”. That “Ferrari Horses” remix still perplexes me though. As for what’s on the horizon, who cares? Thanks for reading, rest in peace to DJ Casper and Magoo, and I’ll see you next week.

[hoonhrt]

EMBRASSE-MOI

: pairing — student! jay x tutor! reader

: genre — fluff, crack 

: song recc. — L’amour by Miel De Montagne 

: a/n — this lowkey sucks but I've been wanting to get work out so I'm sorry if this isn't the best :(( also I'm still learning french so if some of it is wrong pls lmk so i can fix it!! 

Jay was your school’s resident bad boy. blond hair, all-black outfits, cuts class and yells at kids that look his way. you know? the usual. You on the other hand were the complete opposite. straight-A student. A quiet kid who didn’t dare look the ways of Jay Park and his Clique™. So imagine the shock that was felt when the boy you avoided at all costs, walks up to you in the middle of the cafeteria asking for French lessons. 

“You want me to do what?” He rolls his eyes, tired of this conversation already. 

“Can you not hear? I’m failing French and I need to pass or else my parents won’t let me move to France.” He speaks as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“And you’re asking me why?” He rolls his eyes again for what felt like the 100th time. You’re just confused about how he even knows of your existence.

“Listen, all I know that you’re in my French class and that you pay attention, I’ll even pay you I just need to get my mark up.” You perk up to the sound of money. You don’t really need but it’s still nice to have some. Doing this will get you good Karma right? 

“Fine. Meet me at the library every Monday and Wednesday after class, got it?” Jay stares at you with annoyance. He really does not want to be wasting his senior year on stupid lessons but, here we are. He reluctantly agrees and watches you walk away, struggling to hold your books in your arms. He turns around and lets out a deep sigh, wondering if the hot chicks and fancy baguettes in France are really worth this

Minutes turned into hours as you waited for Jay to show up. You waited patiently for hours just for this kid to not show up. Annoyed, you start to pack up your books. You don’t know why you’d think someone like Jay would actually show up to a voluntary tutor session. You were just about to make your way out of the library when you see someone running towards you almost like the flash. As the figure got closer to your still body, you realize it was Jay. Now, bent over in front of you gasping for air with his tongue out like a dog. You stared at his limped-over figure with confusion and slight disgust. 

“s-s-sorry i was… late, i f-forgot about… this.” he manages to speak out with the little air he has in him. He stands up and evens out his breath. 

“what makes you think i’m gonna tutor you now? you wasted my time Park, i have a life too you know.” you snap at him. He stares at you for a brief second before letting out a hearty laugh, throwing his head back and slapping his leg. He sees your serious expression, your eyes glaring at him like an eagle and awkwardly stops laughing. 

“Look, i’m paying you and this is only gonna last for a little while. i just need to pass, that’s it.” His eyes shine with a hopeful gleam, a look that is extremely rare to see from Jay Park. He looked a little cute. You dramatically sigh and start walking into the library, Jay following behind you. 

You settle at the table you sat at prior, re-opening your book bag to pull out your notes. He just watches you do that, not making an effort to even bring out a pencil. 

“Okay, so how much french do you even know?” 

He stares into space, a little hesitant to continue. “Um, i can ask if i can go to the bathroom?” You stare at him with disbelief. You’ve been in this class with him for months and that’s all he knows. 

“THAT’S IT?” 

“Oh and i can say good morning!” you let out a loud groan that catches the attention of others around, causing them to loudly shush at you. Feeling annoyed again, you contemplate if the money was really worth it. You sigh out and start looking for your notes from the beginning of the semester. This was gonna take a LONG time. 

“... and that’s how you conjugate verbs in the past tense, aka passé composé!” You finish off the session with joy. Jay on the other hand has gone completely blank, not remembering a single word you just told him. He stares down at his notes, then at you, then back down at his notes. You can see the struggle on his face and he hasn’t said a word yet. 

“I’m never gonna pass french. This is it. I can kiss France goodbye.” he claims with despair. This already too hard for him and he barely has learned anything. He sets his head on the table and mumbles to himself about how he will never be happy if he doesn’t live his youthful 20’s in France. You sat across from him irritated with his discouraging behaviour and a little sad that you weren’t able to teach him well. Until you come up with a plan that might help him improve much quicker.  

“What if… we hang out this weekend? We can do something and we’ll only speak in French! Of course I’ll help you and all that. But like, maybe? Only if you want to of course you probably don’t wanna spend your weekend with me i dont know you know its just a plan.” you ramble on and on without stopping and Jay simply just watches you. He smirks a little before nodding. 

“How about you put your number in my phone and then I’ll text you when I’m free hm?” he slides his phone across the table towards you and eyes you typing it in. He catches a glimpse of your rose-coloured cheeks and smirks a little more. 

“Okay, uh there’s my number! Just um, text me you know, when you’re free!” you manage to stutter out. Jay just nods at you and again, watches you walk away. This time a slight smile across his face. 

A sudden notification pulls you away from your thoughts. An unknown number that you had a feeling belonged to a particular boy you didn’t think would actually text you. 

042-002-1130: bonjour 

042-002-1130: was that even right

042-002-1130: anyways I’m free on saturday if you wanna hang ig 

042-002-1130: samedi is saturday right 

042-002-1130: it is wow im such a genius 

You let out a snort at his cocky behaviour and reply back, letting him know that you were free yourself and to meet you at the school grounds at 2 pm. 

Saturday shows up as you wait outside the school gates, a picnic basket in hand. An all-black car with dark tinted windows zooms up to you. The window is pulled down and alas, the handsome boy sits in the driver’s seat, ushering you to get into the car with his hand. 

“Woah a picnic basket? Listen y/n you’re cool and all but this isn’t a date,” he speaks and notices you roll your eyes. A smug smile tugging his lips. 

“No you asshole, I have a plan with this.” 

“Tell me,” Jay begins to drive away from the school. The destination is unknown to you but extremely familiar to the boy next to you. 

“In here there is a bunch of food, in order for you to eat, you’re gonna have to say the name of the food in french.” He turns his head to see you looking back at him, a sweet smile places on your face. Jay has always known of you. You sat in the back of the classroom, handed in all your work on time and never skipped a class. You had very few friends and always seemed to be lost in a dream world when you weren’t working. Jay had never been able to speak to you personally as you always avoided him but know he has the chance to actually talk to you, and he doesn’t wanna mess it up. 

The car stopped at the edge of a giant grassy field. The greenery going miles ahead. Trees surrounding the two of you. Jay like a gentleman runs out of the car to open the door for you. You blush at his actions, thanking him silently by smiling at him. 

He directs you to a small spot under a tree. You lay out a blanket for you to sit on while Jay leans up against the tree. You tell him to sit down next to you as you bring out all the little snacks to share with him. He thinks that he could get used to this. 

“D’accord, commençons! Qu'est-ce que ç'est?” (okay, lets start! What is this?) 

You pick up a grape. He thinks for a little bit before answering. “Un raisin.” (a grape) You clap with glee and hand him over the grape. A silence falls between you both, unaware of how to keep going. He picks up a strawberry and brings it to your face. “Tu aime les fraises?” (do you like strawberries?) You eye him for a second, for someone who said he only knows how to ask how to go the bathroom in french, he knows quite a bit. You nod a little, opening your mouth and letting him feed you the sweet fruit. Your face matches the colour of the strawberry and he giggles. You pull out a sandwich and ask him to describe what’s in it. 

“Dans le sandwich, il y a du jambon, du beurre, et de la tomate.” (in the sandwich there is some ham, some butter, and some tomato.) He speaks confidently. 

“Trés bien Jay! Tu es bon en parler francias!” (very good Jay! You are really good at speaking French!) 

“Merci, mon Cheri.” (Thank you, my dear.) you blush even more before and shy away from Jay’s gaze. Jay being the very bold guy that he is, placing his hand underneath your jaw, forcing you to meet his eyes. You both just stare at each other as the sun sets behind you. Was Jay always this beautiful? His eyes scan over your face seeking for any discomfort, none is to be found. So he makes the move and starts to lean in. You already have your eyes closed and lips puckered out, ready to embrace a feeling you’ve never felt before.

His breath fans over your lips and just before he kisses you he asks “je peux t’embrasser? (can I kiss you?) you eagerly nod and whisper out “embrasse-moi.” (kiss me.) Jay finally places his lips on yours and everything feels right. Your hands find their way to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. You stay in this position with him for a little while before you pull back for air. Both his hands cradle your face, his thumb rubbing across the apples of your cheeks.

“I still have a lot to learn y’know?” Jay breaks the silence. You laugh out loud, falling into his lap. 

“Same time next week then yeah?” He lets out a ‘hmm’ and watches you rest your head against his thigh, playing with the ends of your hair. ‘Maybe France could wait a little’ he thought. 

[sortasirius]

“Inherit the Earth” and the Fakeout

Absolutely genius.  Amazing, iconic, legendary, something only our showrunner Andrew Dabb can pull off.

"But Lilly, the episode was so bad!  It was just the brothers, they didn’t look for Cas and Eileen!”

YES.  THAT IS EXACTLY THE POINT.  THIS WAS A FAKE ENDING, THE END OF THE SEASON, NOT OF THE SERIES.

Let’s get into it.

An empty world.  No one left but Sam, Dean, and Jack.

So Dean ran, he somehow managed to pick himself up off the floor of the dungeon and meet up with Sam and Jack.  That jacket was this silent reminder.  Remember what I’ve been saying, Cas has occupied the negative space all season, this is no exception.

Dean can’t look either of them in the face, he’s doing that thing, where his eyes move everywhere BUT where he should look. 

“I couldn’t save anybody.”

Sam couldn’t save the world and Dean couldn’t save the one person that means the world to him.

“Where’s Cas?”

“Dean?”

I think it’s there, in that pause where Dean tries to push down the emotions, continue the fight, not think about the memories he left in the bunker, that Jack realizes what must have happened. Jack is the only one that knows about the deal, he has to know what Cas not being there must mean.

“He saved me.  Billie was coming after us.  Cas summoned the Empty.  It took her...and took him.  Cas is gone.”

This may shock you, but I am GLAD they didn’t talk about Cas, especially with what happens at the end of the episode.  Cas is allowed to just take up unsaid space.  It’s obvious he’s missing with the way they blocked things, obvious he’s missing here.  This whole “oh well they don’t care about Cas because they didn’t talk about him”?  Malarkey.

“Jack I’m sorry.”

Guilt.  Regret.  Pain.  Dean will carry this with him for the rest of his life.  Not only that he lost Cas, but that Sam lost Cas, that Jack lost Cas.

That SHOT, with the distance between Jack and Sam where Cas is SUPPOSED TO BE, and then a zoom out to...THE WORLD.

Okay, as usual, Bucklemming has the subtlety of a sledgehammer lmao.

Jack crying???  Praying to Cas????  Bruh?????

Also it’s just straight-up frightening for everything around my boy to die he is my baby son.

Also not to point out the incredibly obvious, but Dean starts drinking immediately, and continues drinking throughout the whole episode.  Grief arc 2.0 babey.

“We can what, Dean?  There’s no one left to save!  Everybody’s gone!”

“You can’t just give up.”

“What other choice do we have!”

Idk why, but for Sam, who’s the constant, the one who’s always had hope, through everything, through all these years, when he finally says this, when he finally loses his hope?  It hits the hardest.  Sam is the leader, so not only is he grieving the loss of Eileen, he is a general grieving the loss of his soldiers, his friends, the world that he feels the duty to save.

When they go to meet Chuck, I just can’t get that image of Dean, leaning against the car, handprint still on his jacket, staring at the ground out of my head.  It takes him a few seconds to catch up to Sam, like he’s pulled out of thoughts like deep dark water.  Remember friends, it doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.

Chuck wearing BLACK?  FEAR.

“That’s right, the whole Cain and Abel thing.  Us dead, whatever.  I’ll kill Sam, Sam’ll kill me, we’ll kill each other.  Okay, you pick.  But first?  You gotta put everything back the way it was.  The people, the birds...Cas.  You gotta bring him back.”

Willing to kill his brother.  Willing to die.  Tears in his eyes, begging God to bring Cas back.

And Chuck?  Chuck doesn’t care about their surrender, he knows he’s already got them beaten.  He cares about their pain, he cares about them suffering, because to him?  That’s the entertainment.  He’s not entertained by their found family, by their happiness, by their joy.  He wants them to suffer, all of them.

“Eternal shame.  Suffering.  And loneliness.”

And he leaves them with just that.  No hope, no family, just the three of them, broken, alone.  Jack locked in his bedroom, Sam trying desperately to make life “normal” again.  And Dean.  Dean who drank so much he passed out on the floor.

He doesn’t feel terrific, he feels like shit, because not only is he dealing with the shame of an empty planet, he’s dealing with the guilt of being back in the place where the Empty took Cas.

This whole thing with the dog was just absolutely heartwrenching shit and if I didn’t hate Chuck before, him snapping Miracle right in front of an already fragile Dean would seal that deal.

I just want everyone to know that this is a Jake Abel stan account.

“Daddy’s boy” is a big insult for my boy Dean to use considering his own past with his trash abusive father but I’ll allow it.

I do think it’s interesting, ending of his arc aside, that Michael is willing to help them now.  What changed?  Sure, he ended up trying to help Chuck, running back to his father, but why get back in the game?  I wonder if it has anything to do with the loss of Adam.  It’s an interesting parallel, a man loses his angel while an angel loses his human.

Everything is so DARK in the Bunker now too, even the lighting is loud.

When I tell you I lost my shit when I saw Cas was calling Dean, when I heard Misha’s voice??  I knew it didn’t make any sense but I didn’t care, I would’ve been one step behind Dean as he sprinted towards the door.

Fuck you, Eugenie.

I mean it’s torture not only to Dean, who looks beyond fucking crushed when it’s damn Lucifer at the door, but for us too.  Who the FUCK wanted Lucifer back?  And to tease Cas???  Garbage.

I mean...fam.  Listen, we know who’s writing this episode, this whole Betty thing is just like blatantly unnecessary but again, Eugenie loves Lucifer, gotta distract her with a shiny toy lmao.

It was cool to see Michael and Lucifer onscreen together.  It was a cool dynamic that we rarely got to see.

The whole episode is just twist after twist.  Listen, it’s their last episode so I guess they needed to fit in a season worth of twists in one episode.

Bye Lucifer.  We know Eugenie can’t bring him back.  Blessings to all.

This scene with Adam is the FOURTH scene where Dean is drinking...big yikes to my guy’s liver.

Here’s the thing about Michael.  He’s a mirror for Dean in season 5.  Loyal to an absent father.  He has never changed, but Dean has.  Dean is able to acknowledge now, the trauma that his father put him through, he was able to move past the need for pleasing him at any cost.  Michael and Chuck?  Are John and Dean, if Dean had never been allowed to grow.  And Chuck proves, like John did, that he would always put his wants (in John’s case “the mission”) over his children.

Also not to beat a dead horse but Michael’s death was also peak Eugenie.

Sam getting to punch Chuck in the face?  Thank you, he deserves that.

Obviously I don’t love any scene of my boys getting brutally beaten.  But what I love, what I will always love about them, is what Chuck hates about them:  they won’t ever give up.  They know they won’t win against him, they don’t even land any hits, but that’s not what matters.  What matters is their controller doesn’t control them anymore, that they really are free.  No matter how hard they get hit, the get back up.  It is their choice to stand up to him, no matter the cost.

The moment where Sam and Dean are supporting each other, covered in blood, and they look God in the face, and they laugh.  That is why I will love them unconditionally for the rest of my life.  That is who they are, they will never cow to the villain, whether that’s Azazel or Alastair or Zachariah or Lucifer or Amara or Death or Metatron or Cain or God.  They will always choose to stand up.

“Why are you smiling?”

“Because.  You lose.”

Chills.  What a line.

And Chuck is left, small, human, no longer a villain, no longer anything.

Gotta be real, woulda been nice to, idk, not see all this essential plot in a flashback, but I know I can only ask so much of Bucklemming.

For Dean to walk away from killing Chuck, right after he’s called him “the ultimate killer” is quite simply the most beautifully heartwrenching thing I could ever ask for.  Because that’s who Dean was under Chuck, that’s who Chuck wanted him to be.

And he would have before:

But he’s heard some things since then, heard some things about how others see him.  Not as the killer, not as a monster, not as angry and broken or his daddy’s blunt instrument:

I’m not saying that Dean doesn’t kill Chuck for Cas.  He doesn’t kill Chuck because he doesn’t think he has to anymore, he doesn’t kill Chuck because he listened to Cas, he took Cas’ words to heart.  He made the choice not to be the killer.

“See that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are.”

And Chuck is angry, because he thought, after everything, even after losing, that he would still know Dean well enough to know that he would kill him.  But Chuck has never really known Dean, he has never understood where he’s really come from.  Cas understood, Sam and Jack understand, but Chuck never did, and writing off Dean as angry and broken is his biggest mistake, because that’s never been Dean.

“It’s not his power anymore.”

And it’s not just his physical power, it’s his power over the story, over the boys that’s the real power taken from him.

For Jack to be the one to bring everyone back, for him to be the hero of the story?  That’s poetic right there.  Now, I will say, I don’t think this story ends with him as God, because for him, the child, to take on this burden, it doesn’t make a ton of sense to me for his arc, but we shall see next week.  It felt pretty tied up, but there’s one major loose end: and that’s Jack seeing Cas again.

“Just you and me, going wherever the story takes us.  Just us.”

“Finally free.”

This doesn’t feel triumphant to me, it doesn’t feel like relief.  It feels like they’ve settled, like this is the best they’re going to get, so they might as well make the best of it, at least they have each other.

For Cas and Jack to be carved into the table?  I cry.

And for the montage, very similar to “Swan Song” to be set to “Runnin on Empty”?  Sorry but that’s just too sus to be ignored.

They packaged this episode as an ending, because for many, it might be.  The season’s story, the season about fighting Chuck is over.  So, you might be asking (or, well, screaming, judging by my replies lol), what’s left?  And that’s a good question, Chuck has been defeated, so what is left?  What’s left is what’s really mattered all season: the relationships that have been crafted over the years.  Dean and Sam’s unhappiness at the end of the episode, where “just you and me” sounded more of a grudging acceptance than anything else, is one of the clues that has to be looked at.  Why didn’t Sam find Eileen, why didn’t Jack bring back Cas?  Those two characters specifically are the ones we need to watch out for.  As I’ve said over and over again, peace, contentment, satisfaction, those don’t come from Sam and Dean on the open road together anymore.  They have a family, more of a family than they did when they started hunting together all those years ago, and that family is what holds them together.  They need each other, of course, but each other isn’t enough anymore.  Sam needs Eileen, Dean needs Cas.  That is where they will find their peace.

This episode, as many written by Bucklemming was sloppy, rushed, packed full of shit, and had little gems that we can talk about forever, but that was the end of the season, and next week?  Andrew Dabb brings us home, where Dean and Sam will finally be able to choose what they want for themselves, and that, my friends, is Eileen and Cas.

[yourlocalfictionalenthusiast]

IN LIFE, IN DEATH...

Part One

Luke Patterson x Fem!reader

Summary: All you wanted was to play the biggest gig of your life with your best friends, but you just might get more than you bargained for.

Warnings: death and some swearing (I don’t think there is anything else but if there is, let me know!)

…

May 1994

“Shit.”

You whispered to yourself as you stared at the old clock on the diner’s wall.

It had only been half an hour since your shift started, but you were already anxious for it to be over.

Cece’s diner was normally one of your favorite places in the world. It was a small, poorly lit building in a boring part of L.A. It didn’t see much business since it wasn’t easy to find. But the air always smelled like fresh coffee and cinnamon.

You loved working there, but it was not where you wanted to be right now.

“You okay, (Y/n)?” A voice asked from behind the counter. You turned to see your boss Cece, a petite middle-aged woman who was eyeing the dirty table in front of you that you were supposed to be cleaning.

“Yeah, sorry. My mind is somewhere else.” You admitted, throwing the empty plates in the tray and carrying them to the kitchen.

Cece shook her head and let out a laugh as she followed. “On a certain guitarist, perhaps?”

Your cheeks flushed and Cece laughed again, grabbing the rag off her shoulder and smacking it against your arm lightly.

She was one of the few people who knew about your feelings for Luke Patterson. One of your best friends, childhood crush, and most recently, your bandmate.

“And for your information, I’m thinking about all of the band because we’re practicing tonight.”

“Uh-huh.” Cece hummed, a sly smile on her face.

She always pretended to be annoyed with your ramblings since you joined sunset curve, saying that a sixteen-year-old girl had no business being in a rock band. But you had caught her bragging about you to the few regulars you had multiple times.

She had a son living a few states away, but they weren’t close. So she treated you like her daughter. Which meant she wasn't the biggest fan of you constantly hanging around a bunch of teenage boys. But eventually, she warmed up to them. Especially Alex;  he was her favorite.

Luke, on the other hand, annoyed her to no end.

You ran the dishes under hot water and pressed a kiss to Cece’s cheek as you walked past her and back into the main room.

“Besides, Luke doesn’t like me like that.”

Cece rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak but the shrill ring of the phone cut her off. You let out a sigh, grateful for the distraction. She meant well, but when it came to your situation with Luke, you were more than happy to live in denial and ignoring it altogether.

He was your best friend. That’s all that mattered right now.

You shook the thoughts from your head and grabbed the phone’s receiver. “Cece’s Diner. How can I help you?”

“How much do you love me?”

Speak of the devil.

Your heart raced at the sound of Luke’s voice rang through your ears. His choice of words definitely not helping to calm you down. You shook your head, mentally scolding yourself.

“Luke?” You asked which prompted Cece to raise an eyebrow from the other side of the room.

“Hey. I’m sorry for calling you at work but I can’t finish this song and it’s driving me nuts. I need you and your genius brain to come help me.”

Despite your protests, the tap dance in your chest continued. It was ridiculous that after knowing Luke all your life, you were still shocked when he complimented you like that.

“I don’t get off until six, but I’ll come after.” You said, trying not to smile when you heard him cheer in victory. “And before Reggie asks, yes, I’ll bring coffee.”

Luke laughed before singing into the phone. “Get me a large with extra whipped cream and cinnamon.”

“I hate you.” You sang back, making a mental note to wipe off the smirk you could practically hear in his voice before the line went dead. You sighed as you put the phone back on the hook, holding a finger out to Cece.

“Not a word.”

A few hours later, you walked into Bobby’s garage, carrying a cardboard tray in each arm.

You sighed as you looked around the room. Every surface was covered in discarded paper balls and empty fast-food wrappers. You had expected to hear some form of music or at least some talking but the room was dead silent.

In the center of the mess, Alex and Reggie sat on the floor. Alex was trying to balance his drumsticks on his nose, and Reggie was mindlessly strumming his bass. Luke was sitting back on the couch, his eyebrows tightly knitted together as he frantically scribbled into his notebook.

“Your savior is here, and I come bearing coffee.”

All three heads whipped in your direction and within seconds, Reggie was excitedly bouncing his way towards you. He reached out to swipe a cup from the tray in your left hand. You swatted his arm away.

"Not that one. That’s Al’s.”

You set the rest of the drinks on the table in front of you and walked up to Alex. You handed him the cup and he gave you an appreciative smile. You always made sure to get him hot chocolate or tea, since you learned the hard way that caffeine can sometimes make his anxiety worse. He told you he didn’t want to admit that to the guys. So you were happy covering for him.

“Why does he get his own special one?” Reggie pouted as he grabbed another cup and strolled over to Luke, plopping down next to him on the couch. “And why is she the only one who can call you ‘Al’?”

“Because I’m his favorite.” You said, poking Reggie’s cheek as you passed him and took the other seat on the couch next to Luke. Alex just nodded, trying to hold back a smile.

“I thought you didn’t get off for another hour.” Luke said, looking up from his songbook for the first time since you got there.

“Cece knew it was important band stuff so she let me off early.” You shrugged.

“Oh no, she’s not mad at me, is she?” Luke shivered, thinking of all the times Cece had chewed him out for being a ‘bad influence’ on you or made him wipe down some tables for accidentally making you late for a shift. “You know I can’t stand when that woman is mad at me.”

“I also know that all you have to do is give her your little puppy-dog look and she’ll instantly forgive you.”

“Yeah, you guys are alike that way.” Luke teased, sticking his bottom lip out and batting his eyes dramatically.

“Yeah, yeah. So, what have you got so far?” You said as you bumped his shoulder with yours. He grinned and started translating his messy handwriting for all of you.

The four of you sat there for an hour putting all the words in the right places and by the time Bobby got there, you all felt confident that it was finally finished. You took your place behind your microphone and nodded.

“Okay, Al. Count us down.”

Alex twirled his drumsticks. “1…2…3…4!”

June, 1995

“Don’t look down.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you sang the song you had written a year ago. Your feet bouncing on the stage, the thin layer of sweat on your forehead.

To your left, Luke raised his arms, trying to hype up the non-existent crowd. Alex clashed his drumsticks together to the beat as all your voices came together.

“Cause we’re still rising up right now.”

You clapped along to the song, the energy coursing through your veins. Luke was in the middle of throwing his guitar behind his back. You rolled your eyes at him and he flashed you a small bashful smile before turning his head.

Your heart fluttered but you forced yourself to turn the other way, singing with Reggie just as the song transferred out of the bridge. The fog machines cued the ending chorus and you gripped your microphone with both hands.

“And even if we hit the ground, we’ll still fly.

Keep dreaming like we’ll live forever.

But living like it’s now or never.“

The other boy's voices dropped out until it was just you and Luke singing the chorus. You looked over at him, but his eyes were glued to the front of the room. Normally, you would share a mic for this part or at least stand close together, but he seemed determined to avoid you.

Just like he had been for the last six months.

You ignored the gaping pit in your stomach and poured all your focus into the song.

“Like it’s now or never!

It’s now or never!“

The final riff sounded and you let out an exhausted but proud sigh. There were a few scattered claps from the staff in the venue. But a curly-haired girl behind the counter was cheering especially loud. Reggie winked at her and leaned into his mic.

“Thank you! We’re Sunset Curve. Tell your friends.”

You rolled your eyes at him and pulled his arm, dragging him to the center of the stage. Alex came from his drum set and you gave him a high five.

“Al, you were amazing!”

“Yeah, dude, you were smoking.” Reggie agreed.

Alex blushed. “Nah, man. I was just warming up. You guys were the ones on fire.”

Reggie rolled his eyes. “Can you just own your awesomeness for once?”

Bobby and Luke nodded in agreement and you raised your eyebrows at Alex, nudging him until he finally smiled. “Okay, I was killing it!”

“I’m thinking we should fuel up before the show. Street dogs?” Luke asked. Alex and Reggie hummed in agreement but you wrinkled your nose.

“I think I’m gonna pass.” You said, jumping off the stage. It wasn’t that you had anything against street dogs, but as far as pre-gig activities go, it didn’t make your top ten list. 

Bobby landed next to you and started jogging towards the counter. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair and approached the girl wiping tables.

“Oh no.” You said. “Bobby, leave that poor girl alone.”

Bobby turned around just enough to give you a glare as you both reached the counter. The rest of the boys weren’t far behind. You felt Luke slip behind you and throw an arm on Bobby’s shoulder.

Bobby told the girl some line about being a vegetarian. But she shook it off, looking over all of you.

“You guys are really good.”

You smiled proudly. “Thank you.”

She returned your smile. “I’ve seen a lot of bands. Even been in a couple myself. I was really feeling it.”

Luke was practically beaming. The whole band contributed with the songs, of course, but you and Luke were the main writers, so it was always nice to hear people compliment your words. “That’s what we do this for. I’m Luke, by the way.”

“Hey, I’m Reggie.”

“Alex.”

“Bobby.”

“And I’m (Y/n).”

“Nice to meet you guys. I’m Rose.” She said, turning to you. “You have a great voice, by the way. It’s always cool to see a girl lead vocalist.”

Bobby snorted. You elbowed him and Luke gave him a wet-willy. “Oh, thank you. But I’m just co-lead.”

She opened her mouth to say something else but Reggie reached in his back pocket and pulled out a C.D and a t-shirt, handing them to her. “Here’s our demo, and a T-shirt, size beautiful.”

As if on cue, you and Alex rolled your eyes. You sent Rose an apologetic look as she held the shirt up to her body.

“Thanks, I’ll try not to wipe down the tables with this one.”

Alex nodded. “Good call! When they get wet, they kind of fall apart in your hands.”

Bobby glared at all of you. “Don’t you guys have to go get hot dogs?”

Luke pushed Bobby back and leaned on the counter with both arms. “Yeah, he had a hamburger for lunch.”

The boys started going towards the exit but stopped when Alex noticed you hesitating. “You coming?”

You really didn’t want hotdogs, but you also didn’t want to stay and listen to Bobby attempt to flirt with Rose. So you nodded and followed Alex to the door.

“Hey, (Y/n)!” Rose called out and you turned around. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

You gave her a warm smile before walking out into the alley. The night air hit your skin and you shivered slightly. It wasn’t cold, but it was definitely a change from the sweaty stage. You wrapped your jacket around your shoulders.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Luke whooped as he jumped through the doors and into the alleyway.

Alex gestured around, wrinkling his nose. “The smell of Sunset Boulevard?”

Luke shoved his shoulder. “No.”

You jumped out of the way as Luke splashed in a puddle. “It’s what that girl said in there. About our music.”

His eyes flickered to you when he said ‘our’ but quickly looked away. It was practically the first time he had acknowledged your presence all night.

“It connects us with people, you know? They can feel us when we play.” He said excitedly, slowing his walking until the rest of you caught up with him.

He reached each arm up and pulled Reggie to his side with one arm and despite being right next to you, he pulled Alex to his other side. You turned your head forward to hide the confused look on your face but you knew Alex saw it.

Other than Cece, he was the only person who knew about your feelings for Luke. You could tell from the look on his face that he was just as confused with Luke’s recent behavior as you were, but he didn’t say anything.

“I want that connection with everybody.”

“Then we’re gonna need more T-shirts.” You heard Reggie say as you reached the end of the alley. You pulled up the hood of your jacket and turned your head away from the line in front of the venue.

You didn't mean to walk so fast, but you were the first one at the alleyway a few blocks away from the Orpheum. You made your hotdog and made small talk with the vendor for a few minutes before the guys caught up.

“You trying to ditch us, (Y/n)?” Reggie asked, putting ingredients on his hotdog.

“Not my fault you guys are slow.” You stuck your tongue at him and he squinted at you. Alex groaned. You looked over at him to see him trying to put a pickle on his tray.

“Man, I can’t wait until the day we can eat someplace where the condiments aren’t served out of the back of an Oldsmobile.”

As he apologized to the vendor for getting pickle juice on his battery cables, you, Luke, and Reggie made your way to one of the old couches. They both sat down, leaving one open space next to Luke.

You made a point of sitting on the arm of the couch, letting your feet dangle on the seat. If Luke was going to avoid you, then you were going to avoid him right back. You also avoided the questioning look Reggie gave you before Alex sat down.

Luke didn’t seem to notice. He was bouncing his leg and couldn’t seem to stop smiling, it was obvious that he was still buzzing with energy from the soundcheck.

“This is awesome, you guys.” He said as he made himself comfortable between Reggie and Alex. “We’re playing the Orpheum! Do you know how many bands that played here ended up being huge?”

You rolled your eyes and smiled while the boys chuckled. You were all used to seeing the intense side of Luke, but he had been an even bigger ball of excited energy ever since you booked the Orpheum gig. It could be a little much for the guys sometimes, but the way his eyes lit up when he talked about music never failed to make you smile.

“I’m serious.” Luke insisted as he leaned forward and raised his hotdog in a toast. “Eat up, guys. Because after tonight, everything changes.”

You all toasted and then started to eat. Usually, street dogs weren’t half bad. But this time there was a burnt, nasty flavor that made it hard to swallow. Alex saw your face and nodded in agreement.

Even Luke, who had a super-human stomach, made a face. But his hunger must’ve won out cause he took another big bite.

“That’s a new flavor.” Alex said with his mouth full.

“Relax, man. Street dogs haven’t killed us yet.” Reggie told him as he took another bite. You still didn’t feel one hundred percent confident about it but you shrugged and kept eating.

It all happened so fast.

At first, it felt like you were dreaming. Like maybe you had just fallen asleep and would eventually wake up and realize that everything was just a nightmare.

But then the outline of Los Angeles floated away in a haze of grey and you were left in the dark. There was nothing but silence until you heard a voice somewhere in front of you.

It was the sound of Alex’s frantic ranting.

You could feel Reggie and Luke next to you, but they didn’t say anything. You didn’t either.

But you didn’t really need to. It was glaringly obvious what happened, you could feel it in your bones.

You were dead.

Alex’s ranting slowly turned into crying, which made you cry. Luke heard your quiet sniffles and for the first time in months, he touched you.

He reached out and intertwined your fingers loosely in his, gently swiping his thumb across your knuckles. You closed your eyes, trying to soak up the feeling. This was the closest to him you had been in since that night in the studio.

It seemed like so long ago, but at the same time, it was all too familiar. You knew that if you stayed in this moment with him any longer, you would fall apart completely.

So you turned away from him and buried your head in Alex’s shoulder. It seemed like hours passed before the silence was broken and the opening of Now or Never filled the air.

“Is that…?” You started, but before you could finish, the floor disappeared from under you.

You hit the ground with a painful groan and blinked at the sudden flood of bright light. You felt movement next to you and saw Reggie struggling to get up.

You hauled yourself up and turned around to realize you were back in Bobby’s garage. It looked so different that you almost didn’t recognize it. There was a new grand piano and flowers on every table. The room was free of any trash or discarded flannels.

But the biggest change by far, was the girl standing in front of you.

She was about your age with brown hair tied in a ponytail, in a bright yellow shirt, and furry slippers. She was staring at the four of you with wide eyes and a terrified look on her face.

“How did we get back here?” Luke said as he scanned the studio.

The girl screamed, which made the boys scream and cling to each other. Reggie threw himself against Luke and pulled you behind him.

They all screamed for a few more seconds before the girl ran out of the garage doors. You cautiously walked out from behind Reggie and towards the middle of the room, spinning in a full circle.

The boys started talking but you were still mesmerized by all the changes made to the studio.

You looked up towards the ceiling and saw that there were chairs hanging by the loft and countless tiny plants by the windows but you could still see the nail polish-stain you had made on the carpet and the dents in the beams from all the times Luke had messed up his guitar throw.

Carefully, you reached towards the piano and tried to touch a vase of flowers but they passed right through your fingers. Your entire hand went numb then a tingly feeling spread throughout your body.

Well, two things were for sure.

You were definitely back, but you were definitely dead.

[wandering-travesty]

Call Me By Your Name

    You weren’t sleezy. That was just a word idiots used to try and pull you down to their level. Yes, your hair was slicked back. Yes, your eyeshadow was dark as the night. Yes, your suit jacket barely covered your chest. Yes, your nails were painted black and sharp as daggers. But, no, you weren’t sleezy. You were dressed for your job. What was your job? Well, that was a bit more complicated….

 “I need you to get close to him.” Erwin said coolly, stubble covered chin resting on his strong hands.

 “I’m sorry?” You asked, genuinely hoping you had too much wax lodged in your ear canals.

 “You heard him.” You met the glare of the midget standing behind your boss.

 “Okay, smartass, I did. But you can’t be serious, boss! He’s beyond dangerous. Shouldn’t someone like,” you gestured in Levi’s direction, “one of the Ackermans take care of this? I’m not discounting myself or anything, but fucking with a Yeager is basically a suicide mission.” You were actually shocked Erwin asked you to do something so important. More so, dangerous. You weren’t exaggerating when you said it was a death sentence. You’d lost enough comrades to know that.

 “Listen, he’s the key to taking down the Marlian Syndicate.” You knew that, but still, this seemed out of left field. “The Ackermans are strong, yes, but they lack a certain…”

 “They’re not ready to whore themselves out. Just say that, Smith.” You understood now. The Ackermans were cold blooded killers ready to strike at any moment. However, they were awkward and completely inept at things like lust and heated and frankly revolting rendezvous. That was how he wanted you to get information for him.

 Erwin wanted you to fuck the leader of the Marlian Syndicate.

 “I wouldn’t use that wording exactly, but your assumption is correct.” Levi couldn’t seem to meet your gaze, but Erwin continued to stare straight into your soul. He was the leader of La Peste Eldienne (The Eldian Plague) for a reason. Strong, debonair, charming, and slightly insane. He could down a beer in one swig, sip a martini all night long, or abstain from alcohol completely. Whatever he needed to do, he did. He murdered, sent the idiotic young and the hopeless old to their deaths just the same, and could absolutely wine and dine a stranger until their clothes practically flew off their body if it was for the cause. You needed to be like that. Especially at a time like this.

 “I’ll do it. And I’ll do it well.” You assured your boss and his partner. Yeah, this would be easy. You could go low as the scum you were about to completely fuck over. You had been climbing up the ranks as of late, so this would be easy as pie.

Before going on your little date: you made a mental note of the main players you would have to deal with. The list you had went something like this:

Porco Galliard: Complete idiot. All brawn, no brain. Basically a bouncer with a fancier jacket and a higher salary. No worries about him doing anything funny.

Pieck Finger: The sweet little thing they kept around for good reason. Part of you wished you had to deal with her instead. She was witty and had a surprising amount of control over the shipments of cocaine and ammunition that went on about the city. Her pretty face and calm demeanor hid her true genius. She was one of the more concerning figures at tonight’s gig, but also one of the one’s more willing to hear you out before killing you.

Colt Grice: Basically a smarter but weaker version of Galliard. He was really only part of the Syndicate to learn from the best and become a great mafioso one day. You had high hopes for him, despite yourself.

Bertholdt Hoover: A freakishly tall mix of the last three members of the gang. So sweaty and shaky he wasn’t allowed to handle guns under any circumstance. That told you all you needed to know about his threat level.

Annie Leonhardt: Tiny, quiet ball of rage and skill. Could murder you in an instant, but would only do so if ordered. Not a concern unless someone else found you out, or you didn’t like being glared at all night.

Reiner Braun: His personality changed with the passing minutes. Could be calm and almost kind, or could snap your neck like a twig in his giant ass hand. He was a wildcard, and a dangerous one. Though he was obsessed with following orders and being the perfect little soldier boy, so you didn’t need to worry about him if no one told him to start shooting.

Yelena: Even more freakishly tall than Hoover. Also freakishly obsessed with the gang leader and his “master plan”, whatever the hell that was. Maybe you would find out tonight. Anyways, she would only do anything if you threatened the boss in any way. If you did your job right, that wouldn’t be an issue.

Eren Yeager: Easily the most brash and idiotic member of the gang. His problem was that he was trigger happy. In this business, trigger happy meant dozens of dead innocents piled up on the club floor in an instant. You had to be careful around him. Unlike most of the others, he would kill you without thinking.

And the top dog. The man of the hour. The man you had to seduce:

Zeke Yeager: Think Erwin but with more wit and charm. Not to mention more of a sadistic mindset. His favorite game was cat and mouse, seeing how long it took before he had a good excuse to have someone drawn and quartered. His expertise was slow torture that the victim didn’t even really know was happening before the barrel of the gun was already pointed to their temple. And you had to fuck him so stupid he leaked confidential information.

 The only other issue with Zeke was his habit of sleeping around. Yes, he was a tramp by most standards. A harlot with exotic tastes. You had heard stories of him seducing women and men alike, and god only knew what they did once he succeeded. What that meant for you was he would be hard to impress.

 So, you were here to beat him at his own game. And if you were found out, his younger brother would most likely shoot you on the spot. That was, if one of the others did it first. Or even worse, Zeke decided to be a tried and true asshole and torture you to death. The options were endless, and you hated them all.

 So there you sat, ass perched on a bar stool, sipping on a gin rickey and waiting for your opportunity. The room smelled strongly of tobacco, rum, and cinnamon. At least you would die surrounded by what you loved, you thought, laughing grimly to yourself. Men and women danced to slow songs you faintly recognized. The air buzzed with haughty laughter and upper class small talk. You barely had any idea how to interact with high society shitheads as high and mighty as the ones Yeager surrounded himself with. You weren’t often sent out to jobs like this. You were like Levi, born in the slums and never taught how to properly behave. You knew what you had to, much like your knowledge of the goings on of La Peste Eldienne. You knew your gang traded drugs, ammunition, and whatever else was a hot commodity at the time, but nothing other than that. You were actually quite glad to know nothing, since that made you a pretty unimportant person to rival gangs. Not as many death threats and kidnapping attempts came your way, unlike the ones Erwin, Hange, and Levi got every day. You were quickly pulled out of your thoughts on the gang hierarchy.

 “Excuse me, miss. The boss wants to chat with ya’ real quick.” A man with greasy hair and green, catlike eyes softly gripped your shoulder. Considering what you knew of Galliard, you figured that grip wouldn’t be soft for much longer if you didn’t do as he suggested.

 “Oh, alright. Did he happen to mention why?” You were genuinely curious. Porco didn’t offer you any solid answer, but there was a reasonable explanation.

 Zeke wanted to get his rocks off. Parties could be interesting, with the right people, of course. The right people hadn’t happened to show up that night. You, on the other hand, seemed interesting. To be frank, you were gorgeous. Even from a distance, he could tell there was something behind your eyes that spelled trouble. He loved people like you. Vicious, cunning, witty, all hidden behind an uninterested and bored demeanor. Those were the people he wanted around him. The best examples were Pieck, and surprisingly, Levi. They seemed to be completely different people than the ones hiding behind their eyes, and Zeke loved to see how long it took to break them down. Well, he was a bit kinder to Pieck, but you and Ackerman got the rough treatment.

 “Zeke, what the hell’re you doin’?” Eren pulled him out of his rather disgusting thoughts of…things better left unsaid.

 “I’m going to talk to a woman, Eren. What does it seem like I’m doing?” Zeke had a sharp tongue and quick wit, which he didn’t spare even his brother from.

 “I get that, but why that one? She seems…shady t’me. I wouldn’t let ‘er get too close, y’know?”

 “Eren, please be rational.” Zeke held a palm out in front of Eren, as if to physically stop his train of thought. “You and Yelena will shoot at the first sign of danger, so inviting this lovely woman to join us for a harmless chat isn’t a danger in the slightest.” Zeke reassured his brother, neglecting to tell him his true intentions. He was sure that would just make him more upset and skittish, which was dangerous for everyone there.

 “’Kay, boss. Got the dame ya’ asked for.” Porco trudged to the brothers’ secluded table with you in tow. He had kept one hand on your shoulder and the other right above your ass. The two main reasons being: one, he didn’t want someone so seemingly important to escape his grip, and two, you had a nice ass.

 “Ah, thank you Galliard…you can let her go now.” He gave Porco a knowing smirk. He let you go immediately and walked away, cheeks slightly reddened. Zeke didn’t want someone else touching his new toy.

 “I’m sorry if this comes off as rude, but did you need something from me? That man made me leave my gin at the bar and I would like to finish it at some point.” Oh, Zeke was going to love you. You weren’t flighty or scared in the slightest. He knew you had seen some serious shit. Not to mention how you cared more about your alcohol than a dangerous mafia boss and his younger brother ordering you over to their table. You were attractive and relatable. What a catch.

 “My apologies, Galliard tends to be a bit, how do you say, brutish. Feel free to order something new and sit down with us.” He gave you a smile that told you it wasn’t a suggestion. This guy was already just as bad as everyone had told you. He hailed a waiter over to the table. You knew that wasn’t some kind gesture, rather a show of how much power he had over everyone there. His long, thick fingers and suave smile also showed you how easily swayed you could be by dashing looks and raw power.

 He held himself like a king but talked like a philosopher. At the same time, he was down to earth yet still slightly condescending. You never knew where you stood with him, and he liked it that way. His flaxen hair was parted down the middle, and unlike most of the men there along with yourself with their hair hardened with pomade, it was fluffy and moved as he gestured wildly when he spoke. He tended to talk with his hands, once again drawing attention to just how attractive they were. His face was indescribably beautiful. His eyes were like stormy oceans cascading with passion and intrigue. His lips looked soft and plush with a wonderful roseate hue. His beard was well groomed and framed his sharp jaw perfectly. His gold rimmed glasses had a habit of hiding his eyes when thrown into direct light, which often happened with how he talked with his whole body. The way he constantly made direct eye contact with you had you lost in a daze of desire and fear. Was this all some sick ploy to get you to slip up and get everyone you loved killed along with yourself? Or was he seriously that interested in you?

 Eren was quiet most of the time, unless Zeke spoke to him. He didn’t like you. You were too similar to Zeke for his tastes.

 “Say, Eren, could you pass me a smoke?”

 “Oh, so you do have vices. See, you never ordered a drink for yourself, so I assumed you were a man above pleasures of the flesh.” You flashed a toothy grin at him, signaling that it was just playful banter. You two were both rather good at that.

 “My dear, the more you get to know me, the better you will understand just how enthralled with earthly pleasures I am.” He winked, and it sent you to the moon with want. How could a man be so gorgeous, charming, dangerous, and sadistic all at the same time? And why did you have to deal with it? You needed him out of his right mind, but it seemed like that could never happen. Whether it came from alcohol, drugs, or sex. You planned to use a mixture of all three. As you continued your playful jabs and taunts at each other, you found your opportunity to seal the deal. One sniff of the white stuff and he was putty in your hands.

 “Now you know, Mr. Yeager, gin isn’t my only vice.” You kept your usual sly tone.

 “Oh really? That is quite the interesting thing to say.” He matched your energy perfectly. This was too good.

 “Have you ever happened to try, well, what do they call it these days? Well, I tend to call it blow. Snow, stardust, snort, sugar, crack, whichever you prefer, I suppose.” Oh, how brave of you to mention your own trade to your top competitor.

 “Why, yes, I have indeed partook in snorting blow. Is there any reason as to why you’re asking me that right now, darling?” You wished he would stop with the pet names. Or rather, you wished you would stop loving them so much. It felt dirty to enjoy your enemy’s company to this extent.

 “Well, I was wondering if you might like to sneak off and try some of my personal mix.” You leaned in close, covering the side of you mouth with your hand. Eren wasn’t a bad kid or anything, but he’d mess with your plan, and you couldn’t have that. Especially not with his slippery ass trigger finger.

 “Your own personal mix, eh? Don’t tell me you’re involved in the trade, now.” He leaned in just shy of touching your lips. “That wouldn’t be very good for either of us, sweetheart.” That’s it, you were fucking this man if it was part of your plan or not. The entire thing could go south, and you’d still want this man’s dick in your mouth. You didn’t really care anymore. He was too hot to handle, and you were this close to cracking under the pressure. Zeke was right, you were fun to play with.

 “Not at all, I just happen to know the right people.” You grinned at him, knowing you technically weren’t lying. It was your own little inside joke, or so you thought.

 The next thing you knew you were in Zeke’s penthouse, smashed up against the wall with a hand around your neck. By all accounts, this is what you wanted, but it was also quite the opposite.

 “Dearest, I find it insulting that you think I would fall for that pitiful act.” He had you figured out from the moment you walked in. Zeke Yeager never forgot a pretty face. He’d wanted to have you naked in his bed for months, and here you were, all helpless and needy. You were adorable, thinking you could get whatever you wanted from him.

 “Smith was a fool to send anyone, let alone a little minx like you.” You hated how good being insulted by this bitch felt. How did he make it so that your panties got wetter every time he called you a different synonym for whore? It was so awful and so amazing.

 “I’m the slut, yet you’re the one actively trying to fuck me? Do I have that right?” You quipped the best you could from under the pressure of his strong hand.

 “Alright then, we’re both sluts. But the difference between us is that I admit it, yet you pretend to be this perfect little princess in order to fuck powerful men like me.” His grip on your neck tightened as if to add injury to insult.

 “Don’t insult me,” you had to catch your breath between each word, “I fuck men ten times more powerful than you.” But, god was it worth it. You figured he might slap you or otherwise reprimand you, but no, the bastard just smiled wide. What a fucking asshole.

 “Maybe to you.” He widened his cheshire grin. “Maybe you think Erwin’s more powerful. That he has a bigger cock and sucking it will get you further in life.” He pushed you further into the wall. “Or maybe letting Ackerman smack your ass will earn you some cash. Or having Zacharius sniff around your cunt instead of your neck will rise you up the ranks, hmm?” You just grimaced at him, knowing none of it was true. “Or maybe,” he let out a chuckle, “letting Zoe do whatever the hell they’re into will get you more coke and gin.” He was mocking you, ruthlessly, with no signs of stopping, and without letting you get a word in. You were starting to see black spots in your line of vision.

 “Well, fucking with me will get you much more, angel.” He finally let your neck go, letting you fall to the ground, left to look up at the devil in front of you.

 “You fucking suck.” You glared at him, not necessarily trying to hide how much you were enjoying this. As it happened, you weren’t some innocent angel. No, you weren’t a sadistic maniac like Zeke, but you knew what you wanted, and it wasn’t necessarily vanilla. As if reading your earlier thoughts, he bent down to your place on the floor.

 He slapped you, and it wasn’t gentle.

 “You’re a sloppy whore on your best days, now get up and strip.” Well if worst came to worst, you could say that you got him where you wanted him…just not exactly how you wanted him, or with a guarantee you would get what you wanted out of him. Honestly, you felt kind of flattered by his attention and apparent need to fuck you.

 “God, do I have to do everything for you, sweetheart?” Apparently you had been standing around catching your breath too long for his liking. He had made quick work of his own jacket, shirt, and dress pants, leaving him in a black pair of boxers. You hated admitting how magnificent he looked. He was muscular, but not in the same way someone like Reiner or Erwin was. Every single limb on him was lengthy and wiry, thus the bruise marks forming on your neck. While on the subject of length, from what you could see, it applied to his cock as much as it did his other appendages. If it looked that good through the black fabric, you couldn’t even dream of what it would look like out in the open, slapping against his defined v-line and abs.

 You hadn’t even noticed him getting closer to you, completely forgetting about his earlier demand turned complaint.

 “Not only are you a harlot, you’re a useless one, as well.” He came close enough for you to smell the hints of smoke, pine, and black tea that wafted off of him. He started playing with the collar of your shirt. “But damn if you aren’t a pretty one…” He said that more to himself than you, clearly not being comfortable complimenting you. He saw you as a toy, a pawn in his game of chess he was playing with the rest of the world.

 You decided that would be your last deep thought as he began to undress you. Nimbly moving his fingers down each button of your dress shirt, until it came completely undone and bore your chest to him. You were by no means flat, which seemed to entertain the man in front of you.

 “I knew you’d be the perfect slut for me.” He groped your breasts through your bra, hands greedy with the clear goal of making you yearn for him. “Perfect tits, soft skin, pretty face, nice ass, strong will. Yeah, you’ll be fun to break.” He gave you one of his signature smirks, making you want to crush his windpipe and deepthroat his dick at the same time.

 You shrugged your top off your shoulders and let him snake his arms around your chest to undo your bra and expose your tits to the cool air of the room. He didn’t waste time kissing your filthy mouth, and instead skipped straight to your sensitive neck. He slowly dragged his soft lips down your throat, kissing his way over to both sides and under your jaw. He licked and sucked at any area that made you gasp or let out some embarrassing little noise you tried to desperately to hide. He hated how you hid, he needed you to need him, to want him at a level beyond human comprehension. He wanted to destroy you, do break you down to your most animalistic and pitiful form. You were strong, that was for damn sure, but he wanted to fix that.

 He took all this into account as he began nipping at the tops of your breasts. He moved from one to the other with no clear pattern. He dragged his tongue down to your right nipple, only touching the tip of his tongue to it, making you shiver in anticipation and let out a small whine. Yes, that was the progress he wanted to see from you. He swirled his tongue around it, slowly making his way to the center, harshly sucking it into his mouth. He pulled his sinful mouth away from you, leaving a trail of saliva connecting him to you. He quickly made his way to your other nipple, doing the same and driving you just as wild.

 “You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to make more noise, darling.” He teased, sounding genuinely annoyed with you.

 “Well, maybe if you did a better job, I would be louder.” You had discovered your talent of keeping up with his smart mouth, and you used it to your advantage. You wanted to rile him up; to get a rise out of him. As previously stated, you didn’t want a vanilla little love making session, you wanted to fuck.

 “Alright then, if you’re so keen on keeping quiet,” he put his rough hands on your bare shoulders, pushing you back onto the ground, this time on your knees, “how about I stuff that mouth?” You hated how good he was at turning you on.

 He pulled his dick out right in front of your face, letting it lay on his toned abs, just as you had envisioned it. It was easily 10 inches long, 5 inches thick, with a slight upturn that could drive you insane if it hit the right spots, which it would. It was flushed pink and dripping pre-cum; it was pretty.

 “Well, are you just going to gawk at it or are you going to make yourself useful, slut?” The sweet pet names were out the window, swiftly replaced with the most debasing insults he could think of. To avoid any more of his smart ass remarks, you took his thick cock in your hands. You slowly stroked it, taking in exactly how big it was. You moved your plush lips closer, giving it a few small kitten licks to test the waters. You kissed the head and gave longer licks up the side, earning a grunt or two from the man above you. As you began to swirl your tongue around his tip, his strong hand came down and pushed on the back of your head. It wasn’t gentle, forcing you to take him down your throat. Considering his size, it was no shock that you choked on it at first, but he kept his hand on your hair, forcing you to stay on him.

 “That’s it, sweetheart, keep that dirty mouth on fat cock.” Tears starting pooling in your eyes as you struggled to breath around his length. “Aww, are you actually crying?” He cooed, taking sick pleasure in mocking you. “How pathetic of you, darling.” His words send shockwaves of shame and pleasure down to your core. You abhorred how badly you needed him inside of you. As he let out a low moan, he pulled you off his cock, tugging your hair just enough to make you even wetter.

 “Alright, angel. I’m not a big fan of blowjobs, so we’ll leave it at that.” You coughed a little as he bent down to your heaving form.

 “Really? That’s a shock.” That was your genuine reaction. You were far too fucked out to be a smart ass at this point.

 “Yeah, you’re not the first to make that observation.” Much to your surprise, he picked you up bridal style, barely breaking a sweat in the process of getting you to his bedroom. Though the lights were on, you couldn’t take in many details, your cock drunk state making it difficult to process anything other than the warm, bare skin of the monster you tried so hard to vanquish.

 “Now, lets get these cute little panties off, hmm?” You had forgotten him taking off your pants in the heat of the moment. His menacing figure loomed overtop of you, slowly sinking down to your thighs. He placed licks and kisses all over them, leaving a few bite marks along with them. You moaned louder than before, feeling too blissed out to care about your pride. You felt large, tepid fingers hooking themselves between your legs and into your panties. He pulled them to the side, wanting to really take you in. Despite his lust for power and dominance, he much preferred giving head to receiving it, especially when it came to women and their soft, tender pussies. You were no exception to this rule.

 “Goddamn you’re fucking wet.” You looked up at you, making you lean your head back to avoid his gaze. “You must like me more than you care to admit, sweetie.” Just after saying this, he ran one long finger up your dripping slit, coating his fingertip in your slick. He looked at it shimmering in the low light of the room, grinning before taking it into his mouth and tasting what your cunt had to offer.

 “You taste like heaven. Surprising, considering what a nasty girl you are.” Unlike you, he could keep that smartass act up for hours on end, no matter how lost in your sex he was. He landed a chaste kiss to your throbbing heat before flattening his tongue to lick a fat stripe up the middle. He began to devour you, making the lewdest noises you had ever heard in the process. You felt amazing, and disgusting, and just about every other emotion you had ever felt in your life. He was a god at eating your pussy, feeling no remorse in having his lips and beard dripping with your juices. To hell with the burn marks he left on your thighs and the burning sense of guilt you had for moaning so loud and creaming all over the face of your greatest enemy. Shame and guilt were for foolish children with no place in the world, Zeke wanted to enjoy every last second of destroying you.

 As he continued to lick and suck at your most sensitive spots, you began to feel your stomach tighten, signaling your closeness. Zeke noticed as well, taking note of your erupting moans and groans and tugs at his silky hair. He moaned on your clit, the vibrations sending you over the edge. You came all over his face, arching your back of the soft sheets and making you scream his name. He kept his lips attached to your clit as you came down from your high, keeping you ensnared in his trap of bliss.

 “God, you moan like a fucking whore, you know that?” The way he insulted you felt disgustingly good, especially coming from such a obnoxiously handsome man.

 “And you eat pussy like a god.” The veil of hatred came off in one foul swoop. You couldn’t hold back how you truly felt about Zeke Yeager. You were in love with the way he treated you, and spoke to you, and ate you, and soon enough, fucked you. He was so damn good, and you just hated to love and loved to hate him.

 “Oh, do I now?” He let out a low chuckle, taking pride in how helpless and stupid he had made you. “Does that make me your god, pet?” It wasn’t a real question. He knew the answer, and he loved that answer: yes.

 “Now, how about I partake in some earthly pleasures and fuck your brains out, sweetheart?” He questioned, moving his arms up to rest on both sides of your head. His face was right above yours, lips hovering over your breathless, panting ones.

 “Yes, please.” Your eyebrows scrunched together as you grew impatient and needy as all hell. Zeke had a sinister idea. God was a nice term, but he could think of a better one.

 “How about you beg daddy for it?” He was such a disgusting pervert, and he relished in it. You mustered all the strength you could in order to speak.

 “Please fuck my pussy, daddy.” That was all he needed to push himself inside your tight heat. Your walls clenched as he thrusted balls deep inside of you, not caring if you needed to adjust or not. Luckily, you didn’t, despite his size.

 “Fuck yes, angel. You’re so goddamn tight.” He thrusted into you with reckless abandon, using you more than making love to you, which is exactly what you both wanted. Your walls clenched and throbbed as he brought you to orgasm once again.

 “Cumming all over my cock, sweetheart? Such a dirty whore.” He teased, continuing his motions, hitting your g-spot over and over again without much issue. His dick was perfect, reaching every inch of you that made you scream out in pleasure and overstimulated bliss. All of this for a few bags of cocaine and bullets. You weren’t even thinking of that as he pounded into you, getting rougher and sloppier than before. He was getting close to his own high just as you were about to reach your third. No one had ever made you feel like this. You never wanted to let him go. Fuck everyone you cared about, this was too damn good to throw away.

 “Where do you want my cum, slut?” He asked seconds before climaxing.

 “Wherever you want it, daddy.” That was exactly what he wanted to hear. You had been molded into the perfect toy for him, even if it was just for the moment. He had debased and perverted you, like putty in his hands. You thought you could just waltz in there and take what you wanted from him. But no, instead you were writhing around on his bed with his fat cock filling up your pussy while you screamed for your daddy. You were filthy, slutty perfection. He quickly pulled out of you and shot his cum on your stomach and chest. Noticing you were still squirming around, he pushed his thumb to your clit and rubbed circles as two of his fingers entered you and hit your sweet spot.

 “Come on, slutty girl, cum for daddy.” This time felt different than the others. You were completely out of your mind with pleasure and lust, and he was hitting just the right spots. You came around his fingers, squirting your juices and ruining his sheets. As if he could sense it, he had moved his face down just in time for it to reach his mouth, coating yet another layer of your cum on his beard. He licked his lips, savoring you taste and the blissed out, fuck drunk look on your face. He wished he could keep you like this forever. No, he would make sure to keep you like this forever. You were going to be his for the rest of time, no matter what it took. Even if he had to play the long game and pretend you had a choice in the matter.

 “Well, sweetheart, I’m afraid you have to go home empty handed. I’m sure those tarts will just pat you on the head and congratulate you for trying your best. That’s why they’ll never surpass me, and that’s why you will come crawling back to me.” You couldn’t respond, too disappointed and drained to say a word.

 “I have a shower that I recommend you use.” He looked down at you, your eyes hazy and barely focused on him. You were completely exposed to him. You looked beautiful. “In an act of civility, I’ll let you sleep here tonight. On a different bed, of course, considering the damage you’ve done.” You laughed at that, and he followed suite.

 “You know Zeke, for a monster, you’re not too bad.” You looked at him, admiration clear in your eyes.

 “You’re not too unbearable either.”

[willyoulovemeinthemorning]

The Prodigal Daughter Chapter 3/?

Story Summary: As the secret daughter of Jason Gideon, you’ve always had a certain proclivity towards profiling. After finishing the Academy, you finally have your chance in the BAU- only months after your dad’s passing. Will it all be too much? Will you find yourself sharing another proclivity with your father for a certain genius with big puppy dog eyes? A/N: Thank you all for the continued responses to this story! I’m so happy I’m finally just forcing myself to write for the first time in a decade. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! special call out to @candlesandsoftrain for being an especially awesome beta for this one- her suggestions are always amazing! Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader
 Category: Fluff/mild anxiety driven angst Content Warning: So much tension, a very anxious Y/N, sexually charged moments. Later chapters will include NSFW Word Count: 3500+

Previous Chapter

Chapter 3

After a night of drinking more than you, well, probably ever had, you woke up with a horrible hangover. You rubbed your eyes and stretched, before suddenly becoming aware of another human being behind you on your bed. You searched your mind for what happened the night prior, only kind of panicking at the idea that you could have… did you?

Said person in your bed made a sound, and you chanced a look without moving too much. “I feel like I’ve been hit by an 18 wheeler.” You heard Emily moan grumpily, which made you giggle lightly. You’d forgotten that she asked for a sleepover. You were so wrapped up in everything Reid, which was absolutely all you dreamed about last night. His hands, his voice, his hair, how he smelled like books and the forest…

“Me too…” you agreed. “Reid said he was going to come and get us this morning, but I have no idea what time it is or even when he’s coming. He said he’d text you.” Emily reached over to her side of the bed blindly, almost knocking her phone off as she tried to grab it. “Are you going to need to go to your place or do you want to borrow some more of my clothes. You seem to fit my PJs pretty well.”

Emily made a noncommittal noise as she put her phone to her face. “Hey Spencer, what time do you thi- You’re five minutes away? Cool cool no of course we’re up and ready to go. No we are not still in bed shut up.” You could assume she was talking to Spencer, and you panicked again, looking down at yourself and imagining what your face and hair looked like right now. Fuck. “Y/N, what’s the apartment number so he knows what number to buzz up to?”

“Um… 364.” You responded, and when she looked at you, she gave you a questioning gaze.

“Yeah, see you in a few, thanks Spencer.” She hung up the phone and stared at you, waiting for you to explain your face.

“I look like a mess!” You shouted, making her wince. You got up and started running around, your own hangover a thing of the past in favor of trying to clean up whatever you could. Your two cats who had been asleep on your feet made some very disgruntled sounds at your dislodging them, and they ran for the hills when you started running around like a crazy person. You imagined that you looked like a hungover hurricane. “He can’t see me like this! I’m in my pjs and my hair is gross and greasy and my makeup is probably smeared all over my face and my head is pounding and I bet I smell and- ugh!” You ran into the bathroom and turned on the shower. You didn’t have long, but you could make a lot happen in five minutes if you tried. “Grab whatever you want to wear!” You screamed, leaving Emily in the dust as you hopped in the shower.

You heard her follow in after you had closed the curtain, fumbling around with your drawers, finding what she wanted apparently. Her hand reached in and handed you what you figured she’d been looking for- a makeup wipe. You took it gladly, scrubbing your face clean with it. “You know, he’s not really like that- shallow, I mean. He’s probably the least shallow person I’ve ever known. And even with smudged makeup and PJs, you’re still bangin’, he’d be blind not to notice. And trust me, he’s noticed that you’re bangin’.” Her voice filled the room.

She was rustling through your drawers again, and you could hear your makeup rattling around as she sifted through it. “I… I’m sure that’s true, Emily, but I still… he doesn’t know me yet. I… I just want to make a good impression. He’s just…” You paused, suddenly remembering that you’d literally just met this woman and you were about to pour your heart out to her. “He’s just… he’s a new coworker and it’s different with men in the workplace. I don’t mind you seeing me a certain way, but I don’t want Morgan or Hotchner or Rossi or Reid to see me anything less than professional.” You finished, knowing she saw right through you, hoping she wouldn’t comment on it.

“Yeah, sure, you want Reid to only see you in a professional light. Sure. Professional.” Emily snickered. “You absolutely don’t want him bending you over a desk in the middle of a classroom while he’s wearing tweed and ramming you until you see stars-”

“Emily!” You would have blushed if you hadn’t already been completely red from the hot water. Even though it was embarrassing that she saw right through you, you laughed. You knew she was teasing and she meant no harm. It was nice to feel so at ease with her already.

“Did you know that he’s a professor in his off hours? Like a real one. At a college. With students.” She continued, and you could almost hear the shit eating grin on her face.

“Oh my god go away!” You laughed, trying to ignore the warmth spreading low in your belly. That image was… incredibly attractive. How were you supposed to get through the rest of the day without picturing everything Emily just described?

“Oh yeah, sure, I’ll go, so you can have some alone time.” Just in time too, because the buzzer went off in your apartment. “I’ll go get it, miss Y/N, enjoy the rest of your shower time.” She sing-songed as she headed to your door. You tried to focus on finishing in the shower and not on the fact that Spencer was on his way up to your apartment right now. While you were naked in your shower, possibly thinking about him in a professor look fucking you over his desk in his classroom…

“You are my favorite person in the whole world, have I ever told you that?” You heard Emily squeal. “Y/N is in the shower, but I’m sure she’ll say the same once she sees.” You were curious, but you needed to finish getting ready.

Spencer laughed softly. The sound excited you, happy to hear it coming from inside your home. A few minutes later, you finished up and stepped out of the shower, only to realize you’d forgotten a towel. “Em? Can you grab me a towel from the closet in my room please?!” You called out to her from the opening in the door. You heard some shuffling outside the door, waiting wet and cold until a towel appeared through the slot in the door. You grabbed it and wrapped it around your body, revelling in the heat of it. “Thanks, Em, I appreciate it-” You opened the door and found a very non-Emily person standing in front of you. “S-Spencer! Oh! I-I thought you were Emily- oh my god!” You squeaked, realizing you were standing in front of him looking like a wet rat, covered in only a towel. You didn’t get a chance to see the dark look on his face as he stared at you, taking you in head to toe, because you slammed the door in his face. He made a noise of disapproval. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know- I asked Em and then it was you-”

“It’s okay, Y/N, I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. Emily was in the middle of putting herself together something to eat and she asked me to help you.” His voice came from the other side of the door, soft, unsure, and lower than you remembered it from yesterday. “I’ll leave you alone to get ready, I’m sorry.”

After a moment of silence, he walked away, his feet shuffling on your carpet. You cursed yourself for making him uncomfortable. But the towel wrapped around you barely covered anything. He’d seen you soaking wet and you were so mortified. No one ever wanted cute boys to see them less than perfect.

You cursed yourself inwardly, moving quickly to get ready- hair, a touch of makeup- only to realize you hadn’t grabbed an outfit before running in a panic to shower. Sighing, you put your PJs pack on to make the trip back to your room, just a tank top and a little pair of shorts- you hated being too covered up at night, so you preferred minimal clothing to sleep in.

While you were bent over and moving things around in your drawers to find yourself a bra and underwear, you heard a sound from behind you- a sharp intake of breath.

“S-Sorry! Sorry I-I just wanted to l-look at your books! I didn’t- I was sure you’d be finishing in the bathroom I am so sorry!” He said, putting his hands over his eyes. You wanted to be horrified- your shorts were SO short and he had definitely just seen a lot of you… but he looked so cute, like a little kid who saw something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Spencer, it’s fine, really. I’m clothed this time, so it’s… it’s fine, I swear.” He peeked at you through his fingers, making you cover your mouth to contain the laugh that wanted to come out. His eyes fell right to your chest, which you realized was only covered by your thin white tank top- oh. You wanted to cover up pretty badly, but you also didn’t want to make him feel even more guilty. You looked around your room and tried to see if you’d left anything inappropriate out, but couldn’t find anything.

“You just… you have so many books, and Emily said you had even more in your room and I wanted to see- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded. This is such an invasion of privacy wow-” He was now looking everywhere but at you, and you kind of missed the way his gaze warmed your insides up and made you shiver. You should have been mad that he was in your room uninvited, but… you liked how he looked in here. It made you feel alive- to have this man here looking at your most private space, looking at your collection of books and belongings.

You stepped towards him, which made his gaze rise to your face, where he found a soft smile. “Spencer, it’s okay. I… would like some privacy to get ready, though? You’re welcome to take in my book collection some other time, if you want. I never get rid of a book. I’d love to know if you think I’m missing anything that I should own.” You said, playing with the end of your tank top.

Spencer smiled at you, shy and adorable. “I’d… like that.” You both stood there for another moment, your eyes avoiding his as he looked at you. The air in the room felt thick and tense, and your heart kept getting faster as he stared at you. After what felt like hours and no time at all, Spencer seemed to pull himself together and walk out of the room to give you your privacy, and you were finally able to take your first breath since you saw him. You looked at yourself in the mirror and took stock of yourself- your chest was flushed pink, your hands were curled into the bottom of your thin tank top that was leaving- very little to the imagination. You never noticed how revealing it was until now, under his scrutiny. You… didn’t mind, though. You liked how he looked at you like you were something beautiful.

Getting dressed in a daze, you finished up and took a deep breath. Time to face the music. Emily and Spencer were on the couch whispering, Spencer's brows creased together. “Hey guys. Sorry I took so long.” They broke apart, both looking at you.

Emily was the first to speak, Reid averting his eyes from you, a rosy color painting his cheeks. “Hey hot stuff. Reid got us caffeine!” She pointed to what you assumed was yours on the coffee table- an energy drink, and somehow, your favorite brand and flavor.

Your face broke out in a huge grin, and you bounced your way over to it. “Thanks so much, Spencer!” You said, opening the can and downing a few gulps. You moaned in delight. “Oh that’s good. Thank god for chemicals that make my brain think it’s awake.” Emily bumped shoulders with Spencer and made him look up at you. He smiled and shrugged, though that tension that you’d had in your bedroom seemed to come back in spades. Would it be inappropriate to jump your brand new coworker within 24 hours of meeting them in front of your other new coworker that you also just met within the last 24 hours? Because you were seriously considering it, your eyes having been staring at his lips for… well, too long at this point. You shook yourself out of it, your face turning a light pick as you caught his eye and he looked a little… damn, did he look smug? Fuck, smug looked good on him.

“What did I miss, guys?” You were desperate to ease the feeling in the room that was making your stomach twist hotly.

Emily smiled at you like she knew all your secrets and took a sip of her coffee, staring you in the eye the whole time. “You know… just talking. You about ready? You took so long in there.” She accused, blinking at you slowly and teasingly.

“Yeah, well, I forgot a towel and then clothes for the day and it just… took a few extra minutes.” She snickered like she knew there was more, but she didn’t press you. “Thanks for coming to get us, Spencer, we really appreciate it. You guys ready to go?”

You turned from them because if you spent one more second looking at that man on your couch, you were going to explode. Or implode. Chances were pretty split on that at the moment. You heard them both get up behind you, and you took the chance to take a breath as you put your shoes on and slipped your jacket on. You really needed to get yourself under control. You worked with the best profilers in the world- there was no way they couldn’t all see through you.

The ride to Quantico was mostly quiet, your head leaning on the window, only answering Emily or Spencer when they directly spoke to you. You were steeling yourself- you were in the process of pulling yourself together. You couldn’t jump your new coworkers bones. You could not continue to fawn all over him. You didn’t join the BAU to get a boyfriend. You joined the BAU to start the career of your dreams, and that was the focus you needed to let drive you. For your dad.

You arrived at Quantico and Spencer parked your car. You all got out relatively quietly, and started heading in, but he put his hand on your elbow and held you back from Emily gently so you two were just out of ear shot. “Y/N… are you okay?” He asked, eyes searching your face.

You couldn’t meet his eyes, but nodded and started walking into the building, hands playing with your bag. “Yeah, of course. Just… excited for day two. Maybe a little nervous. I’ll be okay.” You deflected, pursing your lips. He didn’t look like he believed you, but he didn’t press.

“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, Y/N.” He started, his voice small and his eyes on the ground as he walked beside you. “I didn’t mean to intrude this morning, I just thought- I thought…” He looked at you, and you pretended not to notice. You couldn’t do this right now. You had a job to do, and you couldn’t have… feelings.

You both had stopped walking, and you turned and looked at him, giving him a sad smile. “Spencer, I’m not mad, or even upset. I just… I think I’m a little overwhelmed. Yesterday was my first day, and then everyone was so nice and then they got me drunk and you are just so-” Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath. Your hands were shaking a little, your anxiety making it hard to breathe. You felt his hand take yours, just like last night, and playing with his fingers brought you back down to Earth and made it a little easier to take air into your lungs. “I’m just trying to survive all of this new stuff. It’s all too much and I just… my anxiety can barely take it.”

The sadness in Spencer's beautiful eyes belied his smile. You hated puting that look there. “That’s more than understandable, Y/N. Based on a survey from the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, while only 9% of individuals are living with a diagnosed anxiety disorder, 40% experience ongoing stress or anxiety in their daily lives. It’s completely normal. And being a new person on a team like ours… well, I can’t imagine that helps. T-Take your time. You have friends here and we’ll help you through this transition, okay?”

You smiled, looking at him with relief. “Thank you, Spencer.” You met his eyes then, and the pull you felt from the moment you met him surged through the air, tugging you to him, desperate to close the gap between you. But you fought it, forcing yourself to pull away from him completely and drop his hand. “Come on, let’s go. Day two begins now!” You didn’t have to pretend to be excited, because you definitely were. You walked into the bullpen with Reid, only to be greeted immediately by a mildly grumpy and hungover Garcia.

“Genius boy, new girl, we have a case. Pretty butts to the round table, please.” She said, gesturing for you two to follow her. You did, and the rest of the team followed suit. An hour later, the team were all headed to the plane, you behind everyone else. You didn't know where to sit, because everyone paired off--Morgan with Rossi and Hotch to go over theories and ideas, Emily and JJ talking about the case and clearly gossiping too as they sat beside each other. Only Reid sat alone. You nervously stood there, trying to figure out what to do, when Reid looked up and smiled at you, gesturing to the spot by him.

The plane ride went by smoothly after that, you and Reid working together easily- you already had a base geographical profile to work off of by the time you landed. The team was impressed, and you were both proud of your accomplishments. The case was long and hard… the cases with kids were always the hardest for you to hear about when you were young, And this one was incredibly difficult to live through- three little girls lost, and you had only found him after he’d made a mistake and left one alive- just barely, but alive, where he dumped her. She was only 7.

The jet ride home was quiet, everyone dealing with the case in their own way. You sat in your own corner across from Reid, shaking and holding on to your go bag tightly, one hand inside it, your hand on your dad’s journal. You dug your nails into it, trying to find something to ground you. You couldn’t get the images out of your head. The images of those girls…

Suddenly, a note fell upon your lap, and when you looked up, you saw a messy scrawl on a ripped piece of paper. “Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them. - Leo Tolstoy” You ran your fingers over the letters, memorizing how his letters looped, how he pressed his pen in differently with each word.

You looked up at him and gave him a small smile, sadness in your eyes. You held your hand out, gesturing for his notebook. He handed it to you along with his pen wordlessly.

“We are imperfect mortal beings, aware of that mortality even as we push it away, failed by our very complication, so wired that when we mourn our losses we also mourn, for better or for worse, ourselves. As we were. As we are no longer. As we will one day not be at all. - Joan Didion” You handed it back to him, tears in your eyes.

He scribbled back quickly. “There is no grief like the grief that does not speak. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow… The first one’s always the hardest, I’m here if you wanted to talk. I’m also here if you just want to sit in silence,” the note read.

You took a moment and thought about it, looking up at him and smiling softly before writing back. “Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than the silence. – Spanish Proverb” His smile in response was absolutely breathtaking, but in the best way- he understood completely. For in this moment, the comfortable silence between the two of you that was everything you needed.

The notebook appeared on your lap again, Spencer not looking at you as you looked at him in wonder. “In the flush of love's light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. - Maya Angelou”

Next Chapter

taglist:

@rexorangecouny​ @asomers603​ @green-intervention @averyhotchner

[notmymainblog]

Can you do a young sirius black x reader fic where the reader and sirius are dating and the reader has really bad depression and he finds out about

⭐I most certainly can! I hope you’re doing well, love. Mental health is a vital part of our lives. Regulating our emotions and coping in healthy ways is super important. For a list of ways to cope with mental illness(s), please see this Post.⭐

Master list

InteractiveFics

To use: Download obvi. Click the icon (upper right by the search bar) in the first box enter your name. If you did it correctly, y/n should read as your actual name. Under that, it will say something along the lines of “need to change something other than “y/n?” there you can change anything you want. ”y/h/c” and “y/h” don't work together, so please enter “y/ho” if you're inputting your Hogwarts house.

I’ll be using y/f/s as your favorite song, so please add that to InteractiveFics

Writing prompts for writer's block: “I’m begging you, please don’t lock yourself in your room.” & “You’d better put that knife down.”

Warnings: Swearing, lol, mentions of restricting (non-eating disordered), self-harm, depression, & anxiety.

Genre: Fluff (it’s not under sad because the ending is happy💕).

“The path out of hell is through misery. By refusing to accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you fall back into hell.” -Marsha Linehan

   “y/n,” Sirius groaned, “for Merlin’s sake, come to dinner,”

     A soft “no” could be heard through the thick oak door of your y/ho dorm. It was met with an exasperated sigh from the other side.

     “y/n, please. I don’t think I’ve seen you out of your dorm all weekend,” Sirius said.

     “I don’t feel well, Siri, just go eat without me,” you said.

     You weren’t exactly sure what spurred your depression, but it’s here now, and it was seriously (hehe, siriusly) fucking with you. Sleeping seemed to be your only hobby besides homework and wallowing in self-loathing. Dinner was scarce. It was hard to take care of yourself. 

     Brushing your teeth was hard, showering was hard, brushing your hair was hard, trying not to breakdown in a room full of people you just knew were looking and talking about you was hard. Not thinking you were worth anything was hard. Watching Sirius talking to other, prettier girls even just for a moment was really hard. It always made you doubt. 

     Life was pretty fucking shitty. ‘‘Fuck’’ was a pretty big word in your vocabulary. “fuck this shit,” “fuck you,” “fuck off,” and “fuck life” were some of your favorites.

     It didn’t take a genius to recognize that you were down in the dumps, so Sirius spent most of his time trying to cheer you up. His efforts mostly consisted of dying Dumbledore’s beard, listening to your favorite songs, or just touching you any chance he got. Laying his head on your shoulder, holding hands, or crossing his foot under yours during dinner.

     It was sweet that he wanted to help, and he was really giving it his all, but being around him just meant that you plastered on a grin and told him you were feeling “much better.”    

     “You’re magically sick every weekend y/n, just come with me. It’ll be quick, but you need to eat, babe,” he pleaded.

     And so, you begrudgingly went down to dinner. The great hall was bright and noisy, the complete opposite of your dim, quiet room. 

     “y/n!” James grinned, “you came out of your cave!”

     Remus elbowed him, “we’re happy to see you y/n.” he smiled.

You sat down and took a plate, putting whatever was in front of you on it and forcing the food down your throat. Your body was thankful, and you had forgotten how nice it was to eat and laugh with friends. Unfortunately, you felt like you were hit by a bus about two minutes later.

     It’s too loud, too bright, you’re too tired, too anxious, they’re all looking at you, all trying to talk to you, and it’s overwhelming. You feel a hand on your arm, and it pushes you over the edge.

     “I really, just can’t, um, I’m just,” you stuttered, “um yeah sorry, sick. Bye,”

    You walked away quickly, nearly jogging. 

     “Jesus Christ, Sirius, what’d you do to her,” James said.

     “What do you mean? It’s just her period,” he shrugged, “every year for a month,” 

     Remus put his head in his hands, “it’s once a month for a week. She’s depressed, Sirius. Are you that thick?”

     James nodded along with Remus. He didn’t know anything about periods except that Lily punched him a lot more when she had hers.

     Sirius looked up at Remus, “what do you mean depressed? She always says she feels better when we hang out,” he smiled triumphantly, “and she always smiles around me,” 

     “She’s faking it, Siri. She just doesn’t want you to worry. I’ll go comfort her, don’t worry about it,” Remus replied, getting up.

      “No, no, no! I wanna do it! I’m her boyfriend, it’s my job to...to...what exactly should I do?” he trailed off.

     It wasn’t that Sirius didn’t struggle with depression; it was that he had never had someone to comfort him. He couldn’t even imagine what he would need, let alone you.

     As much as Remus wanted to tell Sirius to back off while he took care of it, he tried to help.

     “fine,” Remus sighed and sat back down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Twenty minutes later and it was back to square one.

     “y/n open up! Please?” he said.

     “No! Just go away!” you responded in-between small sobs.

      “I’m begging you, please don’t lock yourself in your room.” he pleaded.

     He heard shuffling before you slowly opened the door. Your eyes were puffy and watery, your sleeves were rolled up, and a knife was in your hand.

     “What?” you mumbled.

     He pushed the door open with little resistance. You stood to the side, looking down. Your room was pretty clean except for a pile of letters on your desk, a very messy bed, and your clothes were thrown everywhere.

     He turned around to look at you. You were gorgeous. You were wearing the dress he loved. You braided your hair and put on some makeup. Next, he saw the letters piled on your desk. He looked over at you again as you sniffled.

     His eyes watered, “oh my god, y/n. You were gonna...”

     “Why do you care,” you interrupted, “nobody cares,”

     “Honey, why would you think that?”

     “I dunno... I just know,” you said, fiddling with the knife in your hands.

     He sighed, “y/n you’d better put that knife down.” he threatened.

     “Why?!” you shouted, “Why should I stay?!” your tears were hot. They blurred your vision.

     “Because we need you y/n,” he said, “because we fucking love you and need you. What the fuck would we do without you y/n? Think about James and Lily and Remus (fuck Peter, my homies, and I hate Peter). Think about your mom and dad. Think about me. The wedding we wouldn’t get to have. I’d say kids, but you’ve made it very clear that childbirth isn’t for you,” he smiled weakly.

     “and we can get a house. and a cat cause we already have a dog,” he said

     “No, we don’t?” you said, confused.

      “It’s me y/n I’m the dog,” he laughed, “you always call me ‘dog boy’ when you’re pissed off,”

     He inched closer and eased the knife from your hands.

     “There we go, honey, it’s okay now,” he soothed, “let’s get this out of here, huh?” he tucked it in his pocket, “we’re gonna put it away, and we’re not gonna hurt ourselves. we’re gonna stay nice and safe,” he stroked your cheek before giving you a soft kiss.

     “That’s it. That’s my girl. It’s alright now, honey,” he wrapped his arms around you.

     He hummed softly and led you over to the bed.

     “You’re humming y/f/s?” you whispered.

     He nodded, “I know it’s your favorite, princess,”

     He muttered some spells as his wand traced your cuts. It felt like warm water washed over them. It kind of burned. His arms wrapped around you, and he pulled you to his chest.

     “shh, that’s it, sweetie, just relax. Just lay with me,” he kissed the top of your head, “I am so proud of you for eating today.”

     The praise made the corners of your lips turn up in a small smile.

     “There’s a pretty smile, love,” he whispered, “there’s my y/n. You’re so perfect, honey. I love you so much y/n,” he said.

     The next few weeks were spent slowly working your way up to eating at least two meals, brushing your teeth at least once, letting Sirius brush your hair (he loves brushing your hair so much oml), and talking to the four of them again. At first, it was just one of them every so often and then two, and before you knew it, you were comfortable having all four of them sat in your dorm.

     And then you started heading down to the common room, to the marauders’ dorms, until you were sitting around the fire in the common room, laughing. You had been in the pit. You were sitting at the bottom of it, flipping off everyone who called down to you and wanted to help. It was hot in the pit. The ladder was hot.

     So you decided to stay in the pit until one day, Sirius Black threw down a pair of oven mitts. This metaphorical pit was extremely real to you, and the ladder was really fucking hot, but the oven mitts helped, and when you climbed out of the pit, it was a beautiful sunny day.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As you may have noticed, y/n’s depression seems mild at first, and that's what happens irl. It's fine until you break open; it’s intense. So I tried to capture that.

[shinidamachu]

What are some of your favorite InuYasha fanfiction stories? 😙

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE THE VERY FIRST PERSON TO ASK ME THIS QUESTION! PLEASE, CLICK ON THE FOLLOWING LINKS TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE:

Light Me a Lantern by @inuyashasforest: a lot of feelings for this one. It was the first Inukag multichapter fanfic I have ever read and boy am I glad I did. It’s a must read. I don’t know how Hanyo no Yashahime will fall into the Inuyasha universe, but if it turns out to be garbage, I’m more than happy to accept Light Me a Lantern as canon instead. Send tweet.

Little by Little by @little-known-artist: cutest post-canon fanfic in all land! It will make you smile. It will make you laugh. It will make you a little horny. That being said, it will also make you cry, but trust me: you’re gonna be grateful for it.

You Rescued Me by @keichanz: this fic it’s a party and I’m the piñata, there’s no other way to put it. Heather is a storytelling master, like... she could post her grocery shopping list and I’d be reading the hell out of it!

The Captain and the Hanyo by @goshinote: I love the whole premise of this fic and how much effort Jane puts in every detail. It’s like I’m living in it and I wish I was. It’s the story I’m currently reading and it’s so, so sweet and exciting!

Cruel Summer by @akitokihojo: you know shit is about to go down when Angie drops a Taylor Swift song titled fic. Now that Folklore is out I’m honestly scared for my life.

Pennies and Dimes by @witchygirl99:  SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN THIS INTO A MOVIE PLEASE AND THANK YOU! (part one)

Delicate by @akitokihojo: SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TURN THIS INTO A MOVIE PLEASE AND THANK YOU! (part two)

A Night to Remember by @angelhartsblog: I want you to close your eyes. Now I want you to think about the perfect Inukag first time. Open your eyes. Did you think about A Night To Remember? No? That’s because you haven’t read it yet, pal. What are you waiting for?

The Gorgon and the Dog Demon by @cstormsinukagblog​: I’m in too deep HELP!

Mating Fever by @clearwillow: let’s face it, this one is a classic already! The concept of this story was executed so well. Nothing was held back. You can tell Carra had as much fun writing it as we had reading it.

Pretending To Pretend by splendentgoddess: IF BOTH THE LAST HARD COPY OF THIS FIC AND MY COUSIN WERE ON FIRE... I’d still save my cousin but only because I reread Pretending to Pretend so many times I could probably write it down again myself, word for word. Also, my mom would never let me hear the end of it. But, like... it’s still a close one.

Bakin’ Cakes/Patty-Cake by @artistefish​: if I had two lives to give to Bloodhound and Kitten then two lives I’d give them.

Risks by @stoatsandweasels: THE CHARACTERIZATION, THE DIALOGUES, THE SMUT... Definition of *chef’s kiss*. The stars really aligned for this one, let me tell ya. Good. Fucking. Food.

Cam You See Me? by @keichanz​: Smut Queen at her best. LONG LIVE!

Inuyasha: Prince of Thieves by @starlingchildgazingatthestars: I feel like this fic should be written on a very big, very old, hard covered book. And someone should read it to me every night before I go to sleep. Every new chapter deepens the plot and the character so much. I’m hooked.

Belief/Resist by @dangerouspompadour​: my first thought on it was “man, I wish I could leave a thousand kudos” because it’s one of my favorite tropes ever and the story was told with such delicacy and honesty. Nailed their personalities to their cores.

Freak Attraction/Freak Attraction: Seven-Man Circus by @artistefish: this fic is the epitome of galaxy brain. How do someone eve come up with something so incredible? The world building is so fucking good, are you kidding me?

Oblivion by @meggz0rz: this one needs no comments... But I’m gonna comment anyway: talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spetacular, never-the-same, totally unique.

Beautiful Stranger by splendentgoddess: WHAT A RIDE, MY FRIENDS! BUCKLE THE FUCK UP!

Missing by @ajoy3fanfics: it’s called ‘missing’ because after you finish the whole thing you just miss it so fucking much! I remember how obsessed with it I became, refreshing the page for updates. I was a woman possessed. I spent about 80% of my time talking about this fic, and the other 20% of the time, I was praying for someone else to bring it up so I could talk about it more.

The Delinquent Boyfriend by @artistefish: book one of Inukag Holy Bible.

Out Of The Woods by @dyaz-stories: okay so there are only two chapters so far but the plot it’s captivating as hell! And the writing it’s flawless. If you haven’t read it yet, please do and tell Dya I sent you and I miss her ass.

Guardian by @ruddcatha​: my nerdy ass feels seen and represented.

Knit and Lace by @doginabirdcage: if you’re part of the Inukag fandom you’re legally obligated to read this fanfic. This is not even a joke. Do you know someone who hasn’t read it? No! And you shouldn’t because it’s fucking awesome.

Call You Mine by @lavendertwilight89​: every word on this is a drop of dopamine I swear.

Enchanted by @akitokihojo: I was in the middle of studying for one of the most important tests of my life when Enchanted came around. Was it insane of me to drop everything to read it? Yes. Would I do it again? Yes.

The Half Breed’s Wife by @gypsin: I’m gonna be honest here, this better update before I die otherwise I’m simply not going. RIP to everyone who will pass away without knowing how The Half Breed’s Wife ends but I’m different.

The It Couple by @meggz0rz: OH, YEAH,THE COOL KID OF FANFICS! *Vogue by Madonna starts playing*

It's About Time by @akitokihojo: first fic by Angie I have ever read! Flashback to two-years-ago me picking her chin off the floor. I still can believe I could read this for free? It feels wrong that I could, but also, like: thank God!

The Maid and the Bodyguard by @dyaz-stories: this is the fic you want to take home to your mama. You’d get on one knee for this fic. You’d buy it a diamond ring. You’d profess my undying love for it and you’d spend the rest of your life trying to prove to this fic I’m worthy of it.

Something Real by Angelica Pierce: so this is one of the best oneshots I have ever read in my entire life. It is also the one and only work signed by this author known to mankind. Which I take as a personal offense. To me. Personally.

Mars and Venus by @doginabirdcage: have you ever read something so clever you’re mad about it? Like HOW DARE YOU BE SO SMART? Genius, really. I read it so long ago and it blows me away to this day.

I Knew You Before I Met You by @keichanz: book two of Inukag Holy Bible.

House Mates by honeybee31: “and they were roommates.” “OH MY GOD, THEY WERE ROOMMATES!” Domestic Inukag? In my fic rec? It’s more likely than you think.

The Language He Speaks by @akitokihojo​: if I was half as beautiful as this fic... I’d be kissing so many mouths... The possibilities...

Fingertips by @shinjiteflorana: this is the level of writing I aspire to achieve someday.

PS: I could never, in a billion years, rank these fanfiction, so please keep in mind they are in no way ordered by personal preference. I just love them all. Also, I’m messy.

PS²: believe it or not, I really tried to narrow this down. If I were to tag every Inuyasha fanfiction I love ever, it would get insane huge. This is a not exhaustive, very humble list of my favorites as requested above and I had to draw the line somewhere, otherwise I’d just keep going forever.

PS³: I’ll never get tired of saying that this fandom is crazy talented! Making this fic rec was so hard because there are so many awesome creators out there putting out new content for us every single day. I would like you to know that, even if I had to leave some works out, I appreciate and support each one of them. Thank you so much for keeping the Inuyasha fandom alive!

PS⁴: if you’re reading this, feel free to recommend or tag me in Inuyasha fanfics. Add some of your favorites to this post. Give the authors some love!

[song-tam]

The Prince and the Thief - Chapter One: That Fateful Bag of Gold - Tam x Keefe

A/N: Yes it is back, I am back with the series, I’m finally publishing the first official chapter and not just the prologue. I’m way too excited for this and I can’t believe I actually finished the chapter, it dragged on forever. Oh, and yes, the girl in the glasses is Sophie, even though they don’t know it yet, and she will come into play later on in the series, so be prepared for that. 

Word Count: 1.3K

Warnings: minor curse words, being disinherited, mentions of and attempts at stealing, Tam’s a little bit angsty, being pinned down, mentions of being tied up, mentions of Cassius Sencen—I think I got them all, but tell me if there are any other warnings I should add!

Prologue | Series Masterlist

“Did you hear about King Cassius disinheriting the young prince? His own son!”

Crown Prince Keefe Sencen—or just regular Keefe now, he supposed—stiffened at the gossip from the passerby. He didn’t particularly enjoy being reminded that he’d been stripped of his royal title, his crown, everything he’d ever known. He’d never liked his father, sure, Keefe was glad to be away from him, but life in the palace… that was all he knew. He didn’t know how the outside world worked. He didn’t know how to survive on the streets. He didn’t know any skills that might actually be useful. And yet here he was—no protection, having only the clothes on his back and a small bag of gold. 

Here, without a crown, Keefe was about as wanted and important as a dead rat.

Keefe sighed and started making his way down the street, anxious to get away from it all, figuring he’d find a tavern to stay the night and figure it out from there. He had enough gold for that, right? Problem was, Keefe had no idea where the hell he would find a tavern, or really where anything was in the kingdom.

Keefe groaned softly, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m doomed.”

         ༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺   ༻✧༺　༻✦༺  ༻✧༺

Tam Song had found a new target--and boy, was this one going to be easy.

The boy could have barely been older than Tam, maybe sixteen, seventeen at most. He was tall, blond, and completely out of place out on the streets. From the crisp white tunic and and clueless expression on his face, Tam could easily tell that he was a highborn. Maybe a count’s son, or even a duke’s.

What a member of high society would be doing in one of the worst parts of Erisdell, Tam had no idea, but so long as he got his money, he didn’t give a shit.

The boy had a bag--probably filled with some silver, if Tam was lucky, gold--strapped to his belt. He wasn’t bothering to protect it or even put up his guard. Typical.

“Highborns like you are just asking to get robbed in the slums,” Tam muttered as he started maneuvering through a crowd, flexing his fingers, ready to grab the loot and sneak away before the boy even noticed it was missing.

Tam reached for the bag, wrapping his hand around it, and--

“Oof!” A girl with blond hair suddenly bumped into Tam, who went flying into the boy and all three of them were sprawled into a pile on the ground.

“Watch it,” Tam hissed at the blonde, who nodded clumsily and started feeling around for her glasses, which had flown off her face when they’d all collided.

“I am so, so sorry,” the girl squeaked out as she scrambled to her feet, and promptly ran away.

Muttering to himself, Tam started dusting his pants and getting ready to make a narrow escape. The girl had complicated things, but he could still steal the money and get out of there. He’d be one step closer to getting Linh back.

A hand grabbed his wrist and Tam jumped, sure it was one of the kingdom patrols in charge of wrangling up Erisdell’s thieves. Tam was good at what he did and he knew how not to get caught, but he’d still had a few encounters with patrols and he wasn’t looking for one now.

But it was only the boy, still on the ground, but glaring at Tam and glancing at the bag in his hand. “That’s mine,” he said gruffly. “You’re a thief.”

Tam rolled his eyes. This was getting more complicated than Tam wanted, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. If he timed it right, he could still get out of here--and worst case, he probably could take this highborn, though throwing hands would draw more attention than wanted. “Obviously, I’m a thief.”

The boy seemed taken aback that Tam had admitted to it, but nodded curtly. “Well, now that I’ve caught you, you can’t steal my gold anymore. So give me my bag and go pickpocket someone else.”

Oh my God, if he stays here in the slums, he’ll be dead within the week.

Tam didn’t care, though. Whether this boy lived or died didn’t matter to him. It may have been a coldhearted mindset, but it kept him alive. He couldn’t afford to worry about anyone but himself--he was just trying to survive, and maybe if just kept going, he’d find someplace better than this. He’d get out of the slums, if he was lucky out of Erisdell, and he’d make a new life for himself. Leave his past behind and get a better future than the present he was living in.

He’d find Linh again.

But for all of that to happen, he’d need money. And that bag was one step closer to everything he wanted.

Besides, a highborn like this boy didn’t know how to appreciate money. Tam stealing his gold might reflect badly on him, but at the end of the day, what did he care? Daddy probably had a vault full of gold somewhere in a fancy manor. This was barely a dent in his fortune.

“You’ve got plenty of money,” Tam muttered, trying to worm out of the boy’s grasp. “I need this more than you.”

“This is all I have left,” the boy replied, his eyes narrowing.

“You expect me to believe that? This time next year, you’ll probably be inheriting a fortune, a dukedom. This bag of gold is worthless--”

“It’s not worthless to me. I need it. It’s all I have left,” The boy wrenched the bag of gold from Tam’s grip, getting to his feet and glowering even harder.

Tam blinked--it had been a while since someone had gotten the better of him--but quickly regained his senses and dodged for the bag. The boy moved out of the way, and they kept at this dance for a minute or so, Tam trying to steal and the boy trying to avoid being stolen from.

Is this really worth it? A voice inside Tam’s head whispered. There are other pockets to pick. This’ll attract unwanted attention.

Yes. Tam gritted his teeth. Nobles like the boy, they didn’t show up in the slums often. Money like this, in this part of Erisdell… it was scarce. But if Tam had a chance to get his hands on some gold, no matter how small the amount, he sure as hell was going to take it.

Whatever it took.

         ༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺   ༻✧༺　༻✦༺  ༻✧༺

Keefe wondered why this guy was so adamant about stealing from him.

He understood the dude was a thief, but surely there were easier targets?

Then again, after living in the palace and being coddled for so long with no survival skills, he was easy a target as any.

Could he make a run for it? Or the patrols! There were many patrols that had been placed in the slum sectors of Erisdell, specifically to catch thieves and keep everything in order as much as possible. Problem was, there didn’t seem to be any patrols around.

“I--” Keefe started to say, but he was suddenly pinned to the ground. He thought it might’ve somehow been the boy, but Keefe turned his head to the side and noticed the boy was also on the ground, scowling.

“Who the hell are you?” the boy snapped.

Keefe heard someone cluck their tongue behind him, though he couldn’t see their face. “Now, that is no way to talk to your former boss, is it, Tam?”

All color drained from the boy’s--Tam’s--face. “You,” he hissed. “I told you I was done stealing for you, and I won’t do it again, not after--”

“Calm down,” the voice said relaxedly. “I wouldn’t take you back anyway. I’m just going to give you a warning--my targets are mine and mine alone. You can still scavenge like the street dog you were before I made you something, but those big targets… you don’t get to go anywhere near them.”

“Tie them up,” the voice commanded to whoever was holding Keefe and Tam down. “Leave them in an alley. If they’re lucky, someone will find them.”

“And if they aren’t, well… problem solved.”

Taglist: @stardustanddaffodils @dreaminq-out-loud @sunset-telepath @summer-waves9764 @thoserainyrainboots@thatonewhalewatcher @jenniecrushed @jaxtheshade @beautifuldaysahead​ @bianavacker-is-bi-as-hell @real-smooth@scribblesnsketches05 @the-sky-isnt-blueee@spreadyourwingsandfly @cadence-talle @linhamon2​ @xonar-verse​ @an-absolute-travesty​ @hershis-kotlc​ @turquoise-skyyyy​ @blxckh0les42​ @completekeefitztrash​ @gay-paladin-of-etheria​ @the-robins-chronicles​ @the-genius-behind-the-mask​ @the-angel-of-all-storms​ @bluemallowmelt​ 

[cvmercns]

hi  my  loves  !  i  just  got  out  of  work  so  i’m  sry  this  is  late  &  rushed  but  tbh  that’s  pretty  on  brand  for  me  so  (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞  .  anyways  i’m  nia  ,  she  /  her  pronouns  ,  and  this  is  luca  and  he’s  a  garbage  boi  so  here  we  go  !

luca cameron was spotted in the fashion district adorning vltn combat boots , with some airpod pros on . they’re most likely listening to daywalker! by machine gun kelly . you may know them as @lewcuh or as that dylan minnette lookalike . their twenty-third birthday just passed . while living in tribeca , they’ve gained a bit of a reputation . they’re known to be vagarious but on the other hand innovative . wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines . ( cismale / he / him )

NAME :  luca  anthony  cameron

AGE :  twenty - three

DATE  OF  BIRTH:  december 13th ,  1997

ZODIAC :   sagittarius  

PLACE  OF  BIRTH / HOMETOWN :  jersey  city  ,  new  jersey

GENDER :  cismale

PRONOUNS :  he  /  him

ORIENTATION :  pansexual 

PARENTS :  elliott  cameron  &  cassandra  scott

SIBLINGS :  xavier  cameron

CAREER :  musician  (  the  neighbourhood  career  claim  )

MUSE  PARALLELS  :  steve  -  o  (  slc  punk  ) ,  stu  (  scream  )  ,  patrick  verona  (  10  things  i  hate  about  you  )  ,  richie  tozier  (  it  )  ,  cliff  pantone  (  bring  it  on )  ,  jd  (  heathers  )

BACKSTORY

luca  was  born  in  jersey  city  on  a  cold  ass  ,  snowy  december  day 

his  parents  ,  at  the  time  ,  were  thrilled  to  add  another  member  to  their  small  family  after  trying  to  get  pregnant  for  years  after  giving  birth  to  their  first  son

from  what  luca  remembers  of  the  first  ten  years  of  his  life  ,  it  was  pretty  normal  ,  pretty  happy  aside  from  his  older  brother  doing  older  brother  things  to  make  his  life  hell

he  was  in  fifth  grade  was  when  he  started  to  notice  a  change  in  his  family  --  his  dad  seemed  to  work  a  lot  ,  slept  on  the  couch  often  ,  he  could  hear  arguing  coming  from  their  room  at  all  hours  of  the  day

his  brother  ,  about  fourteen  at  the  time  ,  would  distract  him  with  video  games  and  skateboarding  lessons  because  he  was  old  enough  to  know  what  was  going  on

the  next  year  was  when  his  parents  filed  for  divorce  ,  and  of  course  at  the  time  he  didn’t  know  it  was  because  his  dad  had  been  cheating  on  his  mom  but  he  did  get  remarried  awfully  quick  so  it  didn’t  take  a  genius  to  figure  it  out

his  mom  had  family  in  new  york  so  that’s  where  she  moved  them  ,  close  enough  that  they  could  spend  their  mandatory  weekends  with  their  dad  ,  although  once  his  new  wife  got  pregnant  those  visits  dwindled  down  to  nothing

and  when  he  was  fourteen  his  mom  got  remarried  too  ,  the  same  year  his  brother  left  for  college  ,  leaving  luca  to  deal  with  them  alone

so  high  school  was  rough  for  him  .  he  was  in  detention  a  lot  ,  one  of  those  kids  that  you  just  expected  to  get  in  trouble  on  any  day  ending  in  a  y

he’s  done  it  all  --  smoked  cigarettes  behind  the  bleachers  ,  spiked  the  punch  at  dances  ,  graffitied  any  available  surface  ,  argued  with  teachers  over  the  smallest  things

he’s  generally  not  a  dick  ,  so  the  therapists  his  stepdad  sent  him  to  said  he  did  it  for  attention  and  also  probably  because  he  has  add  (  he  just  sold  whatever  they  prescribed  him  so  joke’s  on  them  )

his  stepdad  wasn’t  terrible  ,  but  obviously  not  the  paternal  type  ,  always  acting  like  luca  was  some  cat  that  he  just  had  to  make  sure  to  leave  food  out  for

but  jeez  was  he  rich  ,  some  soulless  businessman  type  that  liked  to  make  money  but  liked  to  spend  it  even  more  ,  always  flying  his  mom  out  to  tropical  vacations  and  buying  luca  whatever  new  iphone  or  playstation  just  came  out  ,  probably  just  to  keep  him  from  bitching  too  much

his  mom  ,  though  he  loves  her  to  death  and  knows  she  was  just  trying  to  give  him  the  best  possible  life  ,  was  easily  won  over  by  the  money  ;  she  loved  the  nights  spent  at  expensive  restaurants  and  hotels  ,  loved  going  to  broadway  shows  and  spending  thousands  on  a  single  shopping  trip

so  she  wasn’t  around  much  either  ,  but  luca  kept  his  mouth  shut  because  he  figured  she  deserved  it  after  dealing  with  his  dad  for  all  those  years

and  luca  figured  he’d  make  the  best  out  of  the  situation  ,  asking  his  stepdad  for  music  lessons  and  drum  sets  and  guitars  because  he  had  always  been  interested  in  learning  to  play

he  met  his  best  friends  and  bandmates  through  school  --  at  first  they  were  just  fucking  around  and  jamming  in  one  of  their  garages  ,  and  when  the  idea  of  making  a  band  came  up  he  just  went  with  it  ,  never  having  been  all  that  interested  in  academics  anyways

one  of  them  had  a  family  member  in  the  music  business  which  is  how  their  first  ep  got  made  when  luca  was  eighteen  ,  and  unexpectedly  shot  them  into  the  spotlight  when  their  song  sweater  weather  blew  up  (  the  neighbourhood  is  his  career  claim  --  lead  vocals  anyways  --  and  as  of  rn  they’ve  put  out  the  albums  i  love  you  ,  wiped  out  ,  and  the  neighbourhood  )

PERSONALITY

luca  is  ...  for  sure  a  sagittarius  askdflj

he  loves  change  ,  loves  switching  things  up  constantly  because  he  gets  bored  faster  than  the  flash  can  run  a  mile

for  that  reason  ,  he’s  kind  of  a  terrible  boyfriend  .  not  that  he’d  cheat  or  anything  ,  but  it’s  hard  to  hold  his  attention  and  keep  him  in  one  place

he  does  try  because  he’s  a  very  loyal  person  ,  like  will  for  sure  go  to  jail  for  you  if  he  loves  you  ,  but  it  does  take  a  lot  of  dedication  to  become  someone  important  to  him

he’s  a  super  fun  person  to  be  around  ,  always  up  for  anything  ,  doesn’t  stay  in  a  bad  mood  for  too  long  (  partly  because  he  has  a  shit  memory  but  oh  well  )

but  he  does  have  his  mood  swings  here  and  there  ,  you  never  rly  know  what’s  gonna  set  him  off  ,  he  could  be  laughing  one  minute  and  then  throwing  things  at  a  wall  the  next

should  probably  go  to  therapy  again  but  he’d  sooner  eat  glass

might  have  a  partying  problem  but   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  he  got  super  famous  at  eighteen  what  else  can  you  expect

probably  high  99%  of  the  time

he  likes  to  think  he’s  a  bad  boy  but  he’s  a  fucking  sweetheart  ,  11/10  cries  at  tiktoks  of  dogs

speaking  of  which  ,  he  has  an  alaskian  malamute  named  squidward

idk  what  else  to  add  here  ,  the  backstory  was  pretty  long  so  i’ll  give  y’all  a  break  <3

so  that’s  it  !  if  u  wanna  plot  (  which  i  would  luv  )  u  can  like  this  &  i’ll  come  message  u  ,  or  u  can  dm  me  here  or  on  discord  𝔡𝔯. 𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔰 𝔱𝔬𝔟𝔬𝔤𝔤𝔞𝔫#9874  .  can’t  wait  to  rp  with  all  u  cuties   ❤️

[metalandmagi]

Summer 2019 Anime Worth Watching

Summer is here, and with it brings another new season of anime! In case you’re feeling lost and want to find some new shows to pass the time, here’s some of the anime I think are worth checking out...because some really good shows tend to fly under the radar. I think there’s some genuinely interesting stuff this season, so hopefully you’ll find something you like too. 

I also have a Winter list and a Spring list and a fall list now!

And here’s my master list for 2020

New Shows!

Given: A *cough* BL *cough* romance anime in which tsundere highschool guitarist Ritsuka Uenoyama is on the verge of losing his passion for music when he stumbles upon the sleepy-eyed Mafuyu Sato who constantly carries a guitar around that he doesn’t know how to play. Drama and musical shenanigans ensue. This was by far my most anticipated show of the season, because I happen to have read a few chapters of this manga and liked it a lot. The only reason I stopped was because I wanted to hear the music in this music oriented story...so naturally the anime makes me very happy. Not only is it sweet and cute with great animation, but it’s also hilarious. Sato is also basically a human incarnation of a lost puppy, and you just help but fall in love with him and the other characters! AND NOW WE HAVE TWO GAY MUSIC SHOWS THIS SEASON! 

Dr. STONE: An action adventure anime that takes place 3,700 years in the future after the world is struck with a mysterious phenomenon that turns the entire human race to stone. Our protagonists: the genius, scientific minded Senku Ishigami and the muscle-y comic relief Taiju Oki, must find a way to rebuild civilization and turn humanity back to normal using the POWER OF SCIENCE! It’s fun, good looking, and way more interesting than I thought it would be. I’m not very attached to the main characters yet, although it’s still early. I’m mainly sticking around for the plot, the comedy, and the answers to the crazy amount of questions I have after watching the first episode!

Fire Force: An action/drama where super powered fire fighters must protect Tokyo from people who are spontaneously combusting while our hero Shinra must find out who started the fire that killed his mother. More than anything, I’d say this show is definitely worth watching for the cinematography and action because almost every second has been high flying dynamic animation that really grips you. It reminds me a lot of Soul Eater, the story and characters have a lot of potential, and you know an anime will be good when the girls have muscles too!

If it’s for My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord: Can you tell it’s based on a light novel? A slice of life set in a fantasy world where an adventurer named Dale stumbles upon an adorable lost little girl in the woods, who happens to be branded as a criminal. So of course Dale basically adopts her and tries to find out how she came to be with him. It’s basically fantasy School Babysitters without the tragic depth to it (but there’s room for potential). Yes, this is definitely the most wholesome show of the season, but it’s to be expected considering it’s basically Japan’s latest attempt to get people to have more babies. Personally, the most interesting aspect of this show is the fact that Dale and his “daughter” can’t speak the same language. Unfortunately, the light novel ends up pulling a Bunny Drop...so I sincerely hope the anime doesn’t try the creepy romance factor. So for now, if you feel like puking up some rainbows, give this one a try. 

To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts: An action drama where, during a civil war, one side used “forbidden technology” to enhance their soldiers and basically turn them into badass monsters. The only problem: the soldiers who were turned start to lose their humanity and end up killing humans for the fun of it. Now our protagonist must hunt down his fellow soldiers and kill them before it’s too late. Honestly, this show has some pacing issues and can be a bit stilted in terms of its character interactions, but what kept me watching was the last 5 minutes of the first episode. I was so not prepared for the roller coaster that was the first episode’s ending, and now I’m extremely intrigued. Besides it’s made by MAPPA so I would at least give it a couple episodes to see if it’s for you.   

Vinland Saga: The story of a young boy named Thorfinn’s journey to become a great warrior and while the adults deal with going to war. IT’S THE ONE WITH THE VIKINGS!!! It basically feels like a darker, grittier viking version of Moana. I’ve heard literally nothing but praise for this manga for so many years that my hopes skyrocketed as soon as I heard Wit was doing the adaption. And it has definitely lived up to the hype so far! It’s a great action historical drama to fill the void after Dororo. The only problem is no one will watch it because it’s on Amazon Prime.

Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga: A fun brightly colored historical anime about the famous warlord Nobunaga when he was a young teenager. I honestly don’t know what the tone of this anime is going to be from here on out, because it’s going to go from “fun thieving shenanigans with pretty boys” to leading people into battle, but it got me interested. I know putting Nobunaga in an anime isn’t exactly original, but this one seems like a fun ride...and it looks gay as fuck. 

And I have to shout out some that haven’t premiered yet...just in case...

Try Knights: This one doesn’t come out until the end of July, but you bet your ass I’m going to be watching it because it’s an original anime about PRETTY BOYS PLAYING RUGBY! And I have a feeling it’s going to be very... different from the other resident rugby anime All Out. 

Yokai Ningen BEM (Humanoid Monster BEM): Okay, this one’s not out yet either, but the trailer had a really cool vibe to it, so I’m including it anyway. It’s a remake of the 1968 anime in which a group of yokai who look like humans fight crime in the big city. If nothing else, the music is cool, and it’s made by Production I.G, so why not?

*UPDATE* The first episode finally dropped, and holy crap I’m so into this. It’s basically Durarara mixed with Psycho Pass mixed with Bungo Stray Dogs. The first episode has me completely hooked!

Next seasons and continuations!

As always there are some leftovers from the spring season that are continuing into the summer that I highly suggest!

Carole and Tuesday: The musical sci-fi anime directed by Shinichiro Watanabe wherein a rich runaway named Tuesday meets a streetwise girl named Carole, and the two decide to start a band together. Now Carole and Tuesday must rise to stardom in a world dominated by android created music. It was by far my favorite new show of the spring, and if you can find a way to watch it (because it’s still not available legally anywhere aside from Japanese Netflix apparently) I wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s got the best and most diverse music I’ve seen in an anime in a long time, an interesting setting (apparently it takes place in the Cowboy Bebop universe!?), and very well rounded fun characters. And I'm dying for a soundtrack release with all the songs!!!!

Fruits Basket 2019: Yes, the remake of the classic 2001 anime in which a girl moves in with a family who can turn into animals from the zodiac is getting a full run. And thank God because I just can’t say goodbye to it after only 12 episodes. It is so stunningly beautiful in both animation and story subjects that I don’t know what I would do without it. The characters feel so much more fleshed out, and I feel like I learn a lesson about life each week even though I already know most of what’s going to happen. If you never watched the original because thought you were too “cool” to watch a shoujo anime, give it a chance. Because if you think it’s just a generic love triangle romance show, you couldn’t be more wrong. The reboot is so good at portraying different kinds of love and how the presence of love and family can change lives AND IT’S JUST SO FREAKING GOOD! 

Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba: In case you missed Ufotable’s newest project, this is a shounen anime that follows a young boy named Tanjiro and his sister Nezuko who has been possessed by a demon and their journey to turn Nezuko back to normal while fighting demons along the way. I still feel like this is a pretty basic shounen anime story wise, but I really like the characters, especially the villains. It has some of the coolest fighting/power mechanics I’ve seen in awhile, and the animation is very cool and different!

Ace of Diamond act 2: Our favorite shounen baseball anime is continuing into the summer. And I have very mixed feelings about this season so far. We are getting some fun new characters and some great scenes with the team, but the games are very...choppy and rushed. Apparently this is how it goes down in the manga, and we’re in for some good Sawamura development...but it’s still touch and go for me personally.  

That’s it for now. Most of these are available on Crunchyroll, except Vinland Saga, Carole and Tuesday, and Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga. Since Try Knights and Yokai Ningen BEM aren’t out yet, I don’t know where they will be available legally. 

See you next season!

[hecohansen31]

Hey There Delilah

Ivar x Slightly Deaf! Reader

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

This is a special reward for @xbellaxcarolinax​​ for having bought me a Ko-Fi!

I thoroughly apprecciate your support with every small cells in my body and I hope that you’ll at least enjoy this! It is rather a small thought for your nice gesture, but I hope that I was able to convey what you asked me to write!

Have a lovely reading!

SUMMARY: Faced with a concert of his brother, Ivar is soon forced to face much more than he thought to find.

WORDS: 2,7 K

WARNINGS: Talk of Disability, Use of The Word ‘Cripple’, My Scarse Knowledge About Classical Music, Insecurities, Brotherly Feuds.

Ivar really hated Sigurd.

So, being brought to an exhibition that actually was made to honor his brother made him particularly nervous and annoyed, enough that he had tried to fake anything to avoid it.

But in the end he couldn’t say much.

His mother and more importantly Ubbe simply wanted a nice family day, where they could enjoy Sigurd’s talent, without risking Ivar attacking him to stop his ‘annoying sound’ (what Ivar called Sigurd’s songs).

Still this didn’t mean he had to avoid complaining constantly about everything, starting from the fact that they had had to split up in two cars and he hadn’t been able to take the one with the ramp that’d help him to lower himself down without creating a great fuss.

And the seats of the auditorium weren’t in the slightest comfortable, although his mother had warned the place a week before about his needs, to make sure they reserved some extra space for Ivar’s legs, meanwhile the most they had tried to do was to change his place with one in the front row, away from his family.

And eventually he had set himself up with Ubbe obliging Hvitserk to give up his seat which was on the start of the row to allow him more space on his side, although it undoubtedly was still uncomfortable.

He had wanted desperately to throw a tantrum, but he had soon realized that he was already dosed with the embarrass of everyone looking at Sigurd’s little crippled brother.

He already didn’t like the attention on him, eventually settling on disappearing on his seats, halfway through opening his phone to check out a few songs that he truly liked.

But as quickly as he had gotten it out, Aslaug had taken it and thrown it in her clutch, with a seraphic smile on her face and an obvious suggestion of ‘just enjoying the show’ to Ivar, meanwhile the presenter finally announced the start of the musical event.

It started with the youngest classes, moving to the true talents, divided in classical music, modern music and techno music, the only category for which Ivar was curious.

He didn’t have a very musical ear, unlike Sigurd, something for which he admired and hated his brother, at the same time.

Whereas Ivar had always been recognized for something like his battered legs, Sigurd had always had his music and as much as he continued on complaining about how much he was ‘the forgotten’ son of the family, Ivar knew that Aslaug appreciated his soft sound, stopping herself a few moments to enjoy her son’s songs, outside of his door, whenever he played.

Sigurd had talent.

Ivar only a shit ton of flaws.

That was why he had been so against going to his brother’s concert, but in the end, he was there so he could just enjoy it, and although some weren’t the absolute best he had ever heard, he certainly enjoyed a few, his brother included when he presented himself.

Thankfully after Sigurd’s exhibition, which had gone quite well from the uproar of applauses that had started at the end of the performance (although Ivar would have joked, later, with him that it wasn’t anything but gratefulness for having finished playing that damned instrument), was one of the last ones.

It was followed by a small girl, probably just a bit younger than Sigurd and her violin, looking sober in a black dress with thin straps and an updo that showed up her lovely neck, adorned by a few golden chains, thin and elegant.

You looked, determined in your stare and graceful as you bowed softly to the audience, before adjusting the violin, and as much as Ivar had observed you attentively, he hadn’t expected the musical piece to actually involve him or interest him, thinking that it would have just sounded like something expensive he couldn’t understand.

But he couldn’t deny that you got him hooked from the first note of the song, and the elegant movements of your wrist, as the attach was a tempestuous storm, slowly dissolving in a light sound of calmness, completely numbing Ivar’s mind as he felt like he was basically following a story of some kind.

Delving into the darkness and then slowly bringing itself to the light till it reached it, in a shining ending that caught him completely off-guard and he found himself clapping eagerly at the exhibition, much before of all his brothers, who sent him a look as if to say ‘what the heck?’.

But he ignored them, hiding his emotional face away from them.

After everything ended they were supposed to spend a bit of time at the small reception, and although Aslaug suggested that she and Ivar simply take off, the main reason why they had taken two cars, Ivar muttered that he could withstand the torture a bit more, surprising everyone almost as if he had said the Apocalypse would be soon coming.

But truly, he wanted to catch a few glimpses of you, as the classical assemble was supposed to accompany the small refreshment after the musical event and although your music was lightly shadowed by the other instruments he could still enjoy it, meanwhile Sigurd came to get the compliments, being surprised by the fact that Ivar was still there.

‘… I thought you’d have already come home, listening to whatever metal you like’ he had commented, but Ivar, on whose soul your music had somehow operated a change, just scoffed at the suggestion, but did tell Sigurd that his music had been ‘bearable’.

Although his stare was sneakily focused on you.

He had preferred it much more when you had played solo, not because you were any less talented, but somehow the other instruments shadowed your talent, obliging you to keep yourself caged in a soft sound, barely hearable over the mundane chatter and clinking of glasses.

He really didn’t want to sound like a stalker, but he hadn’t ever been one for classical music, so the fact that you could enchant him like that was quite surprising for him, so he just wanted to catch the secret of that music.

And you were quite the nice spectacle to watch, he wouldn’t have denied it.

But all his alarms started ringing when he saw Sigurd coming closer to you, as you finished your exhibition, a DJ in your place, the blonde boy exchanging  small talk with you, as you adjusted the violin back into its protective case, brushing your hands through your updo, lightly messed up by the movements of your arms.

You turned for a moment, as Sigurd probably told you that he had his family alongside him, watching them carefully, as you half-listened to what Sigurd said and for a moment Ivar thought you were his girlfriend.

Which was utter shitty luck.

But had Ivar ever been lucky?

And then you simply turned towards the classic group, excusing yourself, in an obvious rejection that showed up for a moment on Sigurd’s face, the boy clearly a bit annoyed by that but mostly saddened, and then he moved to meet his own group.

And then they had to leave,

And when Ivar looked out again for you, it seemed like you were gone.

Had you been a pretty mirage?

He got the answer when Sigurd excitedly talked about it over dinner, speaking about how cool it had been to performance with so many people, and explaining that they had even had an exchange student from Europe.

‘A true genius of the violin!’ he commented and Ivar’s ears raised up as ones of a dog hearing the steps of the postman ‘… (Y/N) (L/N) she is a professional at such a young age, Ivar’s age!’.

‘Are you implying something?’ Ivar had stroked the banter, eager after he had heard your name, glad to put a name to a face and have something to search up on Wikipedia.

He had said he wasn’t a stalker, but he might have to reconsider that.

Gosh, you were also an exchange student which meant you probably wouldn’t have stayed for much and if you had rejected Sigurd, who did look like an hurt mouse but with functioning legs, he certainly had zero chances for you.

Did it help his mind?

Certainly no.

The multitude of Youtube videos he had found of you playing, instead were nice and he even managed to catch a small interview, in which you looked quite younger, but your face held a strong determination and even more importantly a melancholy that certainly was showcased in your music.

And then he discovered the reason behind your excellent music.

‘… I am slowly going deaf’ you explained softly at the interviewer ‘… a problematic sickness from birth, and although I do know that playing an instrument request desperately a good ear, I don’t have the luxury of it, so I train the hardest to do my best’.

The fact that you had also a disability like him certainly made him reason why you played music so brilliantly and why he could understand it so well, although he hadn’t a single musical knowledge in his mind.

He could relate to your music.

And he fell asleep with one last song in his ears.

With all probability he was in for quite the horrid crush, one where he would have been left utterly broken on the ground, because he shouldn’t have crushed on somebody that had barely acknowledged him and was much more successful than him and that he wouldn’t have ever seen again.

But strangely… Destiny had a mysterious way of fooling us all.

The day after he had been sent by Aslaug outside for a few errands, mostly some at Floki’s shop, since he needed some new pieces for a new tech project and his mother preferred he went by myself, mostly because she wasn’t expert in that.

Floki worked mostly in the boat business, but he had actually opened a small technology shop to support himself when he couldn’t sail or when his boats had to be built, something that mostly his wife took care of, when he was with his boats.

He had been slumping in, having chosen a time where he knew the shop would be desert, entering inside quickly and greeting Helga with a soft smile, as the woman welcomed him warmly.

He passed her the list of what he needed and soon she disappeared in the back, to grab a few things that were in the magazine, suggesting that Ivar handled the shop in her absence, although not many clients would have come for sure, since it was lunch time and nobody…

… and then the door was opened.

And as if summoned by his mind, you walked in.

You didn’t wear the elegant dress you had worn at the musical event, but you still had some kind of grace in your ripped hoodie and giant sweatpants, evidently also not expecting to find anybody at the shop.

The whole concept was simply reinforced by the fact that you wore thick sunglasses.

And Ivar had a fanboy moment.

He honestly wished he could have come to you and congratulated with you, but not only it would have sounded creepy, but Ivar already had trouble with normal girls, think about the cute and talented musician, who made music that spoke to his soul…

He prayed Helga would be back, soon.

But then you quickly came to check out what you had gotten, a couple of batteries, your eyes moving awkwardly around yourself, not moving in any way to meet Ivar till he found himself doing the usual gestures of registering the purchase, since he knew how to do having worked there during the summer.

‘It’ll be 10, 99’ he found himself barely able to mutter, thankful for having basically memorized all the prices and avoiding to stutter and immediately gaining your attention, as your eyes, behind your sunglasses raised to meet Ivar’s.

He thought that you might have been shocked by the hefty price and was halfway through suggesting a cheaper type, although he was surprised you had money problems, but it wasn’t his job to judge…

“… excuse me can you repeat it pronouncing it slowly?” your voice was unsure a bit too high on some notes, clearly reminding Ivar of what he had heard on the interview, the fact that you had slowly been going deaf.

“Oh yeah, sorry!” he commented shyly, realizing a few minutes that he had rambled, but you simply smiled at him “… the price of the batteries is 10, 99”.

You nodded softly, getting your wallet out of your sweatpants.

“… sorry for the inconvenience…” your hands moved nervously in your pockets, probably because you were rushing to sign “… my stupid hearing aid device stopped working this morning, and apparently one can never pack too many batteries…”.

“Oh, don’t worry” ‘and please, for fuck’s sake, Ivar don’t mention that you admire her, she is in incognito mode and wouldn’t let to get recognized so make sure to stop your mind from speaking’…’ “… I am a fan of yours, actually”.

The fuck.

Thankfully you didn’t straight up run away, but instead a small smirk appeared on your face, as you pushed slightly down your glasses to show your eyes.

“… didn’t know that I had cute guys as my fans” you shot, making him blush as his eyes set up on the cash desk trying to remember the code, and his hands then moved to actually accept the money and give you back your change “… but it’s a nice discovery”.

He simply smirked tight-lipped, definitely trying not to say anything else.

But his mouth was too big for that.

And he was too stubborn even for himself.

“I was at the auditorium… my brother, Sigurd, you must know him… he plays at the school” ok Ivar, slow down your words and breath or you’ll pass out in front of her and it’ll be awkward “… I just… I think you are pretty amazing, I am not an expert, but…”.

“It’s always nice to have power of being able to convert people on the light side of music” you replied and he couldn’t help but appreciate the ‘Star Wars’ reference, showing definitely that you had much more than classic taste in your mind “… want to take a selfie together?”.

Ok, you must have totally thought him to be a crazy fan.

“… ah no, like no offense, but… I just…I am not the type” he muttered “… just wanted you to know that although I might sound creepy, I do feel like I can understand perfectly your music and I admire you a lot”.

Your smile became much more relaxed and genuine, almost as if you weren’t the magical musician, but simply a person talking with another.

Which is the way Ivar wanted people to treat him.

“… first of all, thank you for avoiding me the selfie, I am obviously in no shape for it” Ivar would have honestly disagreed, but again… just the strict necessary out “… and second of all, that is what I aim to do with my music and my story. I am glad it was inspiring”.

“It was” and although they were simple words, they were enough for him to express his utter emotion and you straight up smiled back at him, showing him that you had understood what he truly meant.

And in that moment, Helga appeared from the bag, just as he was handing her back her batteries, ready to wish her a good day and avoid thinking anymore about the fact that he had just met an amazing human being.

Helga looked confused but he simply explained that he was taking care of the cashier desk, the woman pushing what he had taken in a box, as if to leave the two youngsters a bit of privacy, and although Ivar’s soul was slowly readying himself for the ‘goodbye’s, you suddenly moved up and said:

“Do you happen to know a nice coffee shop in town? I have been here for three days and I haven’t been able to explore much”.

Now had it been said to any of his brothers, it would have been obvious you had meant to flirt.

But with Ivar…

… one might never know if it was out of pity.

Although he had to admit that she hadn’t seen his legs.

Which was a thing that he preferred to keep this way.

“… ahh there are a few ones, it mostly depends on how much you want to spend and what you prefer…”.

“There is ‘Princess Diana’ right down the road” commented tightly Helga, surprising them both, although you sent her a seraphic look of thankfulness.

“Oh right” added Ivar, not totally sending Helga an annoyed look, knowing that that coffee shop was his favorite for the vintage aesthetic and the enormous milkshakes, but knowing as well that his ‘aunt’ was trying to set him up with the pretty girl in front of him.

Who was way out of his league.

“… then I do think that I’ll pay it a visit but…” and your eyes twinkled over to Ivar “… would you mind accompanying me? I wouldn’t want to get lost!”.

It was obvious now that you were flirting with him.

Although Ivar saw no reason on why a talented and beautiful musician like you might be interested in a cripple like him.

A very rude cripple.

A very rude cripple who couldn’t take a hint.

“… ahem… I have to actually bring these things at home…” he tried the excuse, but Helga, who almost smacked his bum to make him reconsider his wording, moved to chip in sweetly.

“I can set them up on the side for Hvitserk to pick them up when he comes for a new videogame later this afternoon” she explained, as Ivar took in a quick look at the new pieces that he had chosen, insisting on at least paying, meanwhile you told him that you’d be waiting for him outside.

‘Gotta readjust the hearing aid’ you explained, with a bright smile that made Ivar blush.

And when you were gone, he turned to Helga, looking at her in her light eyes and uttering.

“I can’t do this” and then looking at the backdoor “… I need to escape”.

But right as he was moving for the door, Helga literally stopped him with her tiny but strong body.

“Ivar Lothbrock don’t make me slap you across the face” she reprimanded him, looking at him in the eyes to make him understand better what she was saying “… a cute guy that you obviously like, from that idiotic smile on your face, just asked you out and you won’t back off on my watch, understood?”.

“She literally doesn’t know me! And I don’t know her! She might be a psycho!” retorted Ivar, getting an eye-roll from Helga, who breathed out a loud huff “… and she is too much for me”.

“… that is something that she can solely decide” replied Helga, her tone quietening itself “… and you won’t ruin a chance simply for your own self-esteem issues, at least not on my watch, understood?”.

And he couldn’t help but nod.

Although inside he couldn’t help but want to riot completely.

And turn away and run.

But he managed to finally get out of the shop, with one last look at Helga, who held up both her thumbs.

Not reassuring at all.

But he still reached out to you, who had set down on the sidewalk, adjusting a small external hearing aid, in a way that told him that you were used to it as much as your braces.

The first thing that you noticed, as you turned around to him, coming to face with them.

He expected some comment about a problem having come up or probing for more info about them.

Once somebody had asked him if it was ‘infectious’.

But you surprised him again, getting up quickly, without sparing another look at his legs, making him almost confused, as he considered whether you would have run away or…

“… so, where is this ‘Princess Diana’?” you simply asked, a strange excitement coated with embarrassment in your eyes.

And maybe… just maybe he had the chance of making his own music, for once.

---

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Everything Taglist:

@maggiescarborough​​​

Ivar Taglist:

@youbloodymadgenius​​​​, @alexhandersenx​​​​, @lonewolf471​​​​, @flowers-in-your-hayr​​​​, @a-mess-of-fandoms​​​ @xbellaxcarolinax​​​ (I also did yours, and it’ll be out soon too!) @peaceisadirtyword​

[calpalirwin]

Little Star

Summary: Ashton isn’t the only one wrapped around his little girl’s finger. 

A/N: My brain child with @creator-appreciator​ grows. 

Word Count: 2.9k

__

Part 1

“I want about 6. 8. I’m gonna go hard,” Ashton’s voice said through Sam’s phone. From on the other side of the couch, Ashton’s real voice asked, “Why are you watching that interview? It’s like… 2, 3 years ago.”

“6 or 8 kids, huh?” Sam asked in lieu of answering him.

Ashton shrugged. “I mean, I dunno. Be nice I suppose. But also I was just being stupid.”

“So, like 1 would be fine for the time being?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Are you saying you want to have a baby? Like now?”

“Well… not now now. But like 9-ish months now? How would you feel about that?”

“A-are you saying what I think you’re saying? Are you pregnant? Are we having a baby?”

“I have an appointment tomorrow to confirm. But yeah. Pretty sure.”

“I-” he started, but launched himself across the couch to give her a hard kiss instead. “What time is your appointment?”

“You want to come with me?”

“Of course I want to come with you! We’re having a baby!”

“Fletch, you’re crying,” Sam said, wiping her thumb across her husband’s cheek.

“Good tears,” he sniffed, his hands rubbing along her stomach. “Oh, I can’t wait to meet you.”

~~~

Ashton’s hand tightened its grip on Sam as they heard the rapid “swwwoooop swwwoooop swwwoooop” of their baby’s heartbeat on the monitor. “You okay?” Sam chuckled, flexing her hand.

“Terrified,” he whispered back in awe. He crooked his index finger at the screen in a little wave. “Hey, sweetheart. I’m your daddy.”

Sam swallowed thickly, tears forming in her eyes. “You are already so loved, little one,” she choked out.

~~~

The wait to 12 weeks to break the news to everyone was nothing short of torture for everyone all around as Ashton and Sam didn’t trust themselves to be around their friends without blurting out the news. So when Ashton finally corralled everyone over, Calum hugged Sam tightly before slugging Ashton in the arm as hard as he could, Luke and Michael following suit, the girls much nicer in just giving the couple both a hug hello

“Ow!” Ashton hissed through his teeth, rubbing his arm. “The fuck was that for?”

“Haven’t seen you guys in like a month. So what the fuck is going on?” Calum demanded, getting straight to the point.

“Sit down. We have presents for you all to make up for being shitty friends these last few weeks,” Sam said, gesturing for them to have a seat.

“You’re not a shitty friend, princess,” Calum told her.

“Gee thanks…” Ashton rolled his eyes. 

Michael laughed. “Seriously what Cal said. You guys just got married. Of course you’re gonna fall out of contact for a while.”

“Will you two shut up? If they feel bad and want to give us presents, let them give us presents!” Luke put in.

“Oh relax, you’ll get your present, partner,” Sam chuckled. “Fletch?”

“Yep, on it.” Ashton gave each couple a small little box. “They’re couple gifts, so sorry about that part. But we’re pretty sure you’ll love it.”

“Do we all open them together or?” Calum questioned.

“Yeah, you can open them all together,” Sam suggested, sitting back, excitement coursing through both her and Ashton as they awaited their friends’ reactions.

There was a sharp intake of breath as the lids popped open and the sonograms fell into laps. Then, “DIBS ON GODFATHER!” Calum, Luke, and Michael all shouted at once.

“What?! No! Fuck you guys! I’m godfather!” Calum claimed.

“Fuck you, Crystal and I are actually married too. We should be godparents.”

“Sierra and I are engaged! That should count!” Luke protested.

“No! I’m godfather. I’m original bub. Em’s is Sam’s childhood best friend. I officiated their fuckin’ wedding! I should be godfather! It makes the most sense,” Calum kept defending his stance.

“Would you three shut up?” Emily asked with an eye roll. “They’re having a fuckin’ baby!”

“Yeah, we’re supposed to be congratulating them,” Sierra put in.

“Oh, a baby!” Crystal beamed, her eyes watering. “Michael isn’t that great?!”

“See?!” Calum pointed a finger at Michael. “Your wife wants a baby! You can’t have a baby and be godfather to Ash and Sam’s baby, you greedy fuck.”

“Okay, but if Crystal and I have a baby then we should definitely be godparents because we’d be actual fuckin’ parents,” Michael pointed out. 

“I want to be godfather!” Luke pouted.

“You can all be godfather,” Ashton and Sam compromised.

“Unacceptable!” the guys screeched, rising to their feet. “There’s only one way to settle this,” Calum decided. “Godfather Olympics. Diaper changing. Feeding. Taking care of one of those robot babies,” he ticked each idea off on his fingers. “And… something else. We need at least 4 in the event of a tie. Oh! Best lullaby to soothe the baby with.”

“Someone get me a tortilla, and a bottle of mustard and ketchup,” Michael said, seeming to agree with Calum’s demands. “Gotta put it in writing.”

To give them all fair enough time to write a lullaby, the events were spread out over a course of the next four months. The problem ended up being that Calum won diaper changing, Michael won feeding, and then they both tied with the robot baby. The lullaby was supposed to be the tie-breaker, but Luke pulled through for his first victory- after literally crying to Ashton to help him win at least one event.

“Well, Mike and I are still tied for first, so good job to Luke, I guess. But he still lost,” Calum said, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah, that’s nice,” Sam said, not really paying attention because Duke was curled up on her swollen abdomen. “Yeah, you love your baby, don’t you Dukey?” she asked, scratching the dog’s ears. Blue was too big to lay on Sam, but the pup’s ears perked up at the word “baby” and her nose came up to nuzzle into Sam’s ribs. “Oh, yes, Blue, that’s your baby too, I know,” Sam told her, petting Blue’s head with her other hand. 

“Looks like the dogs are better godparents than the actual humans,” Ashton giggled.

Sam gasped, “Fletch! That’s a great idea! What do you think, Dukey? You wanna be the baby’s godfather?”

“What?!” Luke cried in outrage. “You’re gonna pick the dogs?!”

“You lost!” Calum and Michael told him.

“So, why aren’t you angry?!”

Michael shrugged, “Honestly, it sounds like something we’d do.”

“Yeah,” Calum admitted with a sigh of defeat. “No one gets their feelings hurt this way.”

“Okay, but it’s still kinda unfair to me because I only have 1 dog,” Luke chimed back in.

“So do I,” Calum told him.

Michael snorted, “Yeah right. Blue is basically your dog like Duke is, Cal. Leaving me and you tied again at 2 a piece, and Luke with his sad 1 point.”

“Okay, but they’re dogs. They’re not gonna know the difference,” Calum said.

“So, why don’t we all just share being godfather?” Luke suggested.

Ashton shared an eye roll with Sam before going, “Genius idea, Luke! Can’t believe we didn’t think of that before.”

“I sense sarcasm.”

“Whatever,” Calum said, moving past the Godfather Olympics that declared no real winner. “Now, that we’ve decided we’re all gonna be godfather, can we know what our godkid’s name is?”

“Well, we don’t want to know the gender because Sam-” Ashton started to explain but Sam cut him off.

“Because gender is a social construct. So we’re doing it old-school and waiting.”

“Okay but do you have name ideas at least?”

Ashton smiled sheepishly, shaking his head. “We’re still figuring that out. Sorry guys.”

“A nursery theme then?”

“Space,” they both answered.

The guys nodded in agreement. “Alright, we can work with that.”

~~~

As Operation Starry Night Nursery went underway, Ashton brought up the topic of names. “We only got a couple more months until this little one makes their appearance. They kinda need a name, baby.”

“I know,” Sam said with a weary sigh. “I kinda like the name Stella if it’s a girl.”

“Stella? That’s not even your favorite All Time Low song.”

Sam laughed, smacking his chest lightly. “Not after an All Time Low song! It means ‘star.’ Like how the nursery is spaced-themed.”

“Well her middle name can’t be Rosa because I don’t want people thinking I named my daughter after a beer.”

Sam gave out another snort of laughter. “No! Jesus, Fletch. Stella Grace.”

“Oh! Yeah, that’s really pretty. But what if we have a boy?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. And I don’t know if it’s because I just don’t like my ideas. Or if it’s because I don’t think we’ll need a boy name.”

“Weeeeeelllllll…” Ashton said slowly, drawing out the word, his gaze flickering over to the nightstand littered with sonogram pictures and an envelope that held the gender. “We could find out. If you want.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “You really wanna know, huh?”

“I really do,” Ashton told her, pulling the puppy dog face. “Like so fuckin’ bad. And I know I shouldn’t. But… yeah.”

“Oh, thank God!” Sam laughed in relief. “I want to know too. Gimme the damn envelope!”

Ashton quickly gave it to her, drumming his hands on his thighs for a drum roll, adding to the effect by beatboxing a drum beat to go with it, while Sam tore into the envelope. “Baby Irwin is… a girl! We’re having a girl!” she cheered with a gleeful laugh.

Ashton let out a choked giggle, a tear sliding down his cheek as his hands flew to Sam’s stomach. “Is that what you are? Huh? Are you my little star, Stella?”

There was a ripple of movement underneath his hands that had him and Sam both giggling more. “Yeah? You like that name? Oh, there are so many people waiting to meet you, Stella. People who love you more than you’ll ever know.”

~~~

“Twinkle twinkle, little star,” Ashton sang softly as he danced slowly around the room with Stella in his arms.

“Ashton Irwin, professional rock musician, singing lullabies in a hospital room,” Sam teased lightly. “Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming.”

“If it is a dream, let me sleep,” he answered. “I don’t ever wanna wake up from this.”

“Well, get your time in now. You know once the guys get her, you’re never getting her back. Shit, Calum and Emily might move in if we’re not careful.”

Ashton chuckled at the thought. “Might just all move into Mike’s. He’s got enough rooms.”

“While that’s not half bad, I’d rather not raise my baby in a mansion. She’s gonna be spoiled enough as is. Would like her to have some semblance of normal.”

“When have we ever been normal?”

Sam laughed, “Yeah, I suppose your right. But you guys did work hard on the nursery. So we probably shouldn’t move.”

“Yeah, plus I kinda like our house.”

“Me too.”

“Knock, knock,” Calum announced softly, rapping his knuckles against the open door, Emily behind him.

“Hey,” Sam greeted with a smile. “Where’s everyone else?”

“We didn’t wanna crowd you guys, so we’re taking turns. Michael and I played Rock, Paper, Scissors for first slot.”

“And what about Luke?” Ashton asked with a giggle.

“He cheated at Godfather Olympics so he was disqualified. You’ll see him last. Now gimme da baby.” He made grabby hands before taking the bundle from Ashton, cradling the infant carefully to him. “Oh, hey there, little one. I’m your Uncle Cal. And this is your Auntie Emily.”

“Can you say hi to them, Stella?” Ashton asked in a quiet, but higher pitched tone, the type of voice one adopts around newborns.

“Stella?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow at Sam. “That’s not your favorite All Time Low song.”

Sam facepalmed herself. “I did not name my daughter after an All Time Low song. I gave her that name because her father loves space and her name means ‘star.’ Jesus…”

“Her middle name isn’t Rosa, is it?”

“Jesus, it’s like you two are twins…” Sam said with an eye roll as Ashton busted up in a fit of giggles. “No. It’s Grace. Stella Grace.”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful little girl,” Emily commented. “Now gimme that baby.”

“Fine, fine,” Calum huffed, handing over Stella. “Oh, Mike said he had news. Won’t tell us what. Said he wanted to tell you guys first.

“Oh?” Ashton and Sam asked.

Calum shrugged. “No idea. But he seems excited.”

The rest of the short visit passed in silence aside from the cooed voices at Stella, asking her if she knew that she was the cutest little girl. At the fifteen minute mark, Michael appeared in the doorway with Crystal and a teddy bear. “Time’s up, Cal,” Michael said with a knowing smirk.

“Kiss ass,” Calum scoffed, jerking his chin at the teddy bear.

“It’s not from us,” Michael answered innocently.

“Whatever,” Calum rolled his eyes playfully. He crossed the room to give Sam a kiss on the cheek. “Congratulations, princess. She’s gorgeous just like her momma.”

“Thanks, bub. Em. See you guys later?”

“Yeah, we’ll all visit again when you guys get settled back home,” Emily promised.

“So who’s this?” Michael asked, taking Stella from Calum in a gentle manner and Calum and Emily made their exit.

“This is Stella Grace. And Stella, this is your Uncle Mike and Auntie Crystal,” Ashton introduced.

“Oh, well aren’t you precious!” Crystal exclaimed, tears brimming in her eyes. “Isn’t she the sweetest, Michael?”

“Yeah, she’s a cutie,” Michael agreed. “Hey, Stella, we brought you a present. Only it’s not from us. It’s from a friend of yours, actually.”

“Yeah, Cal said you had news? Is that tied to the bear?” Sam prompted.

“Yeah. So, when you guys announced you were pregnant, Crystal and I got to talking. And we didn’t want to feel like we were trying to upstage you guys or anything, so we kept talking. But then talking got carried away. And… well, I'm sure you can guess.”

“Pregnant?” Sam croaked at Crystal.

Crystal nodded shyly. “Yeah. Just passed the three month mark.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Ashton said with a big smile, clapping Michael on the shoulder, before giving Crystal a tight hug.

“Oh, congratulations, guys!” Sam told them. “Another little one, Fletch, can you believe it? Stella, you’re getting a cousin!”

Stella opened her mouth in a tiny yawn, making Michael giggle with glee. “Yeah, that’s right! We’re getting a friend just for you. They won’t be here for a bit to say hello, so they asked if we could give you this teddy bear for now. Is that okay? Can the teddy bear be your friend until your real friend gets here?”

“That’s fuckin’ awesome, Mike. I’m so happy for you guys,” Ashton said, his cheeks sore from his grin.

“Thanks, mate.” Michael gave Stella over to Crystal, and then sat down on the hospital bed next to Sam, pulling her towards him in a side hug. “I think I officially won on the nicknames, queen. You got quite the princess over there.”

Sam laughed in agreement, “Yeah, I think you did too. Just don’t tell Cal.”

He held up a pinky for her to interlock hers with. “It’ll be our little secret.”

“Is it my turn yet?” Luke’s voice piped up.

“Get in here,” Ashton beckoned, wrapping an arm around Luke’s shoulder. “Come meet Stella.”

“Aw, cuz she’s a star!” Sierra connected the dots.

“Huh, I thought it was cuz of All Time Low.” Michael shrugged. “Oh well.”

“Jack Barakat from All Time Low?” Luke asked with a dumb grin.

“Oh, shit!” Ashton said, clapping a hand to his back pocket for his phone. “That reminds me I have people to call. Fuck, Mum’s gonna be so pissed I spaced… I’ll be right back. Baby, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Fletch.”

When Crystal handed Stella to Luke, he made big eyes over at Sierra. “Oh! Can we have one?!” he pleaded.

“Funny story,” Michael coughed.

Sierra tore her eyes away from Stella to shoot Crystal a look. “Are you pregnant?!”

“13 weeks tomorrow,” Crystal confirmed.

Luke broke down sobbing, and from the hallway they heard an angry, “Oh, come on!” from Calum before the man appeared in the room. “Luke found out before me?! Luke?!” he whisper-shouted at Michael.

“What were you doing in the hallway?” was the deflection.

“Well, after you came in here, I went to the gift shop since how someone broke the no gift rule. And when I went to the waiting room, Luke was gone, so I figured he was here.”

“Wait, we were allowed to bring gifts?” Luke asked in confusion, passing Stella to Sierra. “Damn it! No one tells me anything!”

“You’re telling me! Mike, seriously? Luke?!”

“We were planning on telling everyone later on. With the exception of Ash and Sam of course,” Crystal explained. “But Luke just asked Sierra for a baby, so it slipped out.”

“I guess that’s fair…” Calum huffed.

“Wait, so are we allowed to bring gifts or not?” Luke repeated his question.

“No,” Calum and Michael told him. “Mike and Crystal broke the rule on a technicality. Their gift to Stella is really from their baby. And the gift shop sucks. Can find better shit online for half the price,” Calum furthered explained. “Where’d Ash go?”

“I stepped out to call my Mum,” Ashton said from behind Calum. “She wants pictures. Sam, you up for that?”

“Yeah, I’m good, Fletch.”

“Alright, family photo time. Get in,” Ashton directed and set up his camera, before sitting on the other side of Sam and taking Stella from Sierra. “Say ‘twinkle twinkle little star.’”

“Twinkle twinkle, little star!” everyone grinned as the camera went off in a series of little spurts.

__

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