#me pretending to be okay but I'm not because everyone and their aunt and uncle and cousins got a reply from lewis EXCEPT FOR ME

[lewishamiltonstuff]

[ravencoloredroses]

Left Alone

Nyx x Reader

Summary: While the Inner Circle goes for a night out at Rita’s, Nyx and Y/N stay back home. 

Warnings: none :) (let me know if I missed anything)

Word Count: 990

A/N: I hope you like my first ever post! I don’t really see a lot of Nyx x reader fics on here so I figured this would be a good first for me! It's kinda short because I'm just testing the waters lmao. Please let me know what you think! <3 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“How many times do you want me to say I’m sorry?” I cry out in between giggles as Nyx climbs on top of me.

“Hhm, probably at least three more.” Nyx laughs as he continues tickling me. “Maybe after that I’ll think about accepting your apology.” He tries his best to hide that beautiful smile.

I squeeze my eyes shut causing a few tears to drip down my cheeks. “Okay, okay! I promise it won’t happen again-” 

Nyx kisses away my tears. “You’re damn right it won’t, or else.”

“Or else what?” Nyx and I both whip our heads to the stairs to see his dad and the rest of the Inner Circle staring fondly at us. 

“Uh oh Rhys, looks like we walked in on something.” Cassian sends me a wink while Nyx sits us up on the couch. 

“Why aren’t you guys ready to leave yet?” Mor asks with hurt in her eyes. They are going out to Rita’s for the night and the plan was for us to join them, but-

“Because they’re not going,” Nesta says, strolling past everyone towards the front door. 

“I’m sorry Aunt Mor, but Y/N isn’t feeling well and I need to stay back with them” Nyx looks over at me pleading for me to back him up.

“*cough* *cough* Yeah, I don’t feel so good. Sorry guys.” 

“I don’t know what you guys are up to, but I know I don’t like it.” Rhys says with a smirk. He walks over and puts an arm around Feyre. “We’ll only be gone for a couple of hours. Please for the love of the mother, stay here and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do-” 

“Woah, don’t give them any ideas” Cassian cuts him off. “Just be sure to use protection. Oh and Y/N, I don’t know if Nyx showed you, but if you scratch right about here on his wing it-”

“OKAY, thank you for that Cas” Azriel butts in before Cassian can finish his demonstration. “But seriously, if you want me to leave a shadow here, I’ll be more than happy to”

“That’s okay uncle Az.” Nyx says as he scoops me up into his lap. “I think we’ll be okay.” After a nod from Rhys and one more wink from Cassian, they finally walk out the door.

“Do I still have to pretend to be sick?” I laugh, looking over at Nyx as soon as the door closes. He shakes his head and smiles at me for a few seconds before he's pushing me off to the side so he can get up. I watch him go up the stairs and disappear down the hallway into his bedroom. A minute later he reappears with a book in his hand.

“How about we read together? I was just about to start this one. Do you want me to read or do you?” He grabs my favorite pillow as he walks back over to the couch.

“Can you? All this talk of me being sick has me feeling sick.” 

Nyx throws his head back laughing. “Aw baby, let me take care of you.” He gestures for me to stand and then lays us down. I snuggle myself between his legs with my head on his chest. His heartbeat is a steady drum in my ears as he wraps his wings around me.Nyx clears his throat and flips to the first chapter. “Once upon a time, a very handsome and charming heir of the Night Court-”

“That is not how it starts!” I try to look up to see his face which I can tell is smiling ear to ear.

“How would you know? Have you read this one already?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Twice! Now start over.” Nyx laughs and rubs a soothing hand up my back as he actually begins to read the story. His baritone voice is lulling me to sleep no matter how hard I try to stay awake. It’s not often Nyx and I get time completely to ourselves, so I try to savor every moment that we do. 

About an hour into the book, I’m just drifting off as Nyx leans down to drop the book on the floor. He shuffles down lower onto the couch and threads his fingers in my hair. “I love you so much, goodnight my love.” He places a kiss on my cheek and I snuggle more into his chest. 

----------

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire existence.” A loud whisper fills my ears.

“Shhhh Cas! Don’t wake them up” 

“But Az, look! Tell me that’s not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your entire existence. Rhys! Come look at your son and tell me that’s not-”

Nyx places his hand over my ear to muffle the sounds. “Uncle Cas. Please be quiet. I don’t want them to wake up.”

“It’s a little too late for that” I mumble as I peek my eyes open. Cassian is sitting on the couch across from us with his hands on his chin, staring with a now shocked face.

Feyre comes over and pulls Cassian to his feet. “We’re sorry dear. We’ll leave you two alone now.” With that the rest of the crew file up the stairs. Feyre looks back one more time, probably visualizing this scene as a painting. Rhys stops on the bottom stair and a look of fondness flashes in his eyes. 

“Dad-”

“Alright, goodnight you two.” 

Nyx continues playing with my hair and places a kiss into my hairline. “I’m sorry they woke you up honey.” I hum and kiss the back of his hand in response. Nyx chuckles. “If you want, I can tell you that story about the handsome and charming heir of th-”

“You know what? That’s okay baby, maybe some other time.” I feel Nyx’s chest shaking with laughter. 

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

[ecoamerica]

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[russellsppttemplates]

How much of their struggle to have a babies did y/n and Lance's families know? Like, did they keep things more between themselves, or did they share with few people( like y/n mom or Choe)?

Tw: infertility, IVF treatments

"Do you want me to go with you?", Lance wondered, "you wouldn't mind?", you replied, "of course not, sweetheart. We're in this together", he kissed your knuckles, "besides, your mother texted me yesterday saying that she had baked those little cakes I love", he smirked.

"Mom", you called, "remind me again of what happened when aunt and uncle were trying to have a baby", you asked. Having someone in the family with a similar diagnosis to yours meant that the baby questions were somewhat carefully thought through before someone asked them, so asking your mum, you figured, would be safe.

"Oh, well, they tried for a really long time, she took some hormones to help with her ovulation, because she had a low egg count", she said, "at the time, they also saw a specialist but the treatments were not an option for her, but around a year, a year and a half later, your cousin arrived", she finished, "something on your mind?".

"We've been doing the whole calendar thing and ovulation sticks, but it's yet to work", you admitted, "we both have healthy counts, so it's something else, but this really sucks, you know?", you blurted, feeling her hug you to her side, "I'm sorry, darling, but it will all work for the best, I'm sure of it", she kissed your forehead, "besides, it doesn't look like it's a job to try, you know? You have a very handsome looking husband", she smirked as you swatted her hand, "besides, as long as there is love between you two, you'll be good".

.

As much as you didn't feel like shouting out to everyone in the world that you would be undergoing fertility treatments to start building your family, you knew you and Lance needed support. Not because you were ashamed or embarrassed, but it was still a personal matter that involved your families, and having their support would be good to fall back on.

When you arrived at your parents' house, your father was quick to get some drinks out while your mother made some tea and got the little cakes to the coffee table, "so, Lance, everything fine at work?", you dad began, "yes, it's been going really well, actually", he smiled talking about a few new topics and some they had discussed the previous visit you had payed them.

"You're a bit quiet, darling, is everything okay?", your mother noticed, rubbing your thigh from her seat by your side, "Actually, I've been meaning to tell you something, we have, actually", you gulped, "We have been to Dr. Marlin's office again because we've been having trouble with trying for a baby, and as it turns out, it's a blocked fallopian tube, so things aren't ending up where they should end up and it makes the whole thing pretty much impossible this way",

"Oh, Y/N, I'm sorry", she got up to hug you before your dad gestured the sign you've had since you were little. You sometimes got scared when going to school, so whenever you were already inside the gate and he couldn't give you another hug after dropping you off, he would slightly cross his arms on his chest as if he was hugging you and you would do the same before stretching out your pointer finger as he did the same, pretending you were touching his. It had become a silly thing when you were little, but it quickly became your thing.

"We are going to begin the treatments soon, hopefully", Lance took over, "Dr. Marlin just needs to get the cycle up to speed and sorted out, and then we begin them when Y/N is comfortable enough", Lance noted, absentmindedly grabbed your hand in his, his thumb rubbing the skin.

"Honey, if there is anything we can help you, help you both", your father said, "let us know. You're not going through this alone", he smiled.

.

"How are you doing with all of it?", Chloe asked her younger brother as she bounced her little one in her arms. Scotty and Chloe had finally felt okay enough to welcome visitors to meet the new addition to the Stroll-James family and you and Lance also found the time to vist them between both of your schedules.

"I've been good. I think now that we know what is happening, we know how to deal with it. We kept trying and it wasn't working, so to know why it wasn't working and that there is a way to help it's comforting", he admitted, "Y/N has been good, too, I think. I've made sure she's telling me how she feels and whenever things get too much so we can work it out together, like a team", he smiled, stretching his arm and softly touching his nephew's cheek.

"I was so scared to invite you because I didn't want Y/N to feel bad about it. I know it's stupid to try and put myself in her position when I've never had issues, but I didn't want either of you feeling bad", Chloe added, "thanks for your consideration, but I think it's fine", Lance smiled as he heard Scotty's footsteps and your giggles coming their way.

"I'm proud of you, Lance", his sister complimented, "of the man you've become. I'm not saying I doubted you'd be like this, but it's a pleasure to see you like this", she nudged him, seeing her husband and you walking into the living room.

"Hey, look who's up!", you cooed at the little bow, "can Auntie Y/N have a cuddle? It's okay if it's not, though", you checked with your sister in-law, "of course it's okay, it gives me time to go to the bathroom!", she cheered, passing her son to your arms, "hello, sweet boy, you're wide awake now, aren't you?", you smiled, touching his soft cheek and seeing his light coloured eyes now open, "here", you heard Lance call you, arranging the space next to him on the sofa so you could sit next to him, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, "are you feeling good?", he wondered, checking in as you smiled at him, "yes, I am. Thank you for checking in", you kissed his cheek, "and this is good practice, isn't it? Isn't it, gorgeous boy? Yes, it is", you cooed at your nephew, hoping that this was a practice moment for what was to come.

(Thank you for submitting an ask 🤍)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for letting my younger cousins and younger brother beat my other younger cousin at a game?

This is an old story, so I (Jenny, 18F at the time) will refer to everyone by the ages they were when it had happened. + false names.

For some context, my younger cousin Andy (9M) is adopted. He was abandoned by his parents when he was young and was neglected by the orphanage he lived in. As a result, my aunt and uncle decided to spoil him after taking him in. They gave him everything he wanted. But that did not do anything to help with his behavioral problems. When Andy doesn't get his way, he screams and will bite. I have been on the receiving end of this before.

So onto the main story. We were having a party at my house. My cousin Danny (13M), cousin Ben (11M), and younger brother George (14M) wanted to play some games on the Wii. Andy saw them playing and wanted to join them. Andy's parents pulled Danny, Ben, and George aside and asked them to let him play with them, for them to go easy on him, and let him win every match they played. The three didn't want to, but agreed to because Andy almost threw a fit when they said they didn't want to play with them. Ben protested against it the most because he did not think he was fair that they had to lose on purpose. Then Andy's parents asked me to watch them, but I could not play with them so that Andy could play instead. Babysitting duty as always for me. :')

Andy's parents went off to have some drinks with the other parents.

The four of them ended up playing some Wii sports games together with Andy winning every game because Danny, Ben, and George had to pretend to suck at every game. They were getting annoyed with this though. Why? Because every time Andy "beat" them, he would start bragging and saying things like: "Haha! You suck, you losers!" , "You're so bad at these games!" , "Loser loser!" , "I'm better than you!"

So when Andy went to the restroom for a break. Danny, Ben, and George asked if they could just start playing seriously the next games because they did not like having Andy constantly belittling them for losing. I said that they could.

When Andy returned, the three of them played their hardest and took 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place in the next game. Andy flipped out. He started screaming his lungs off and bawling his eyes out. All the parents came over to see what had happened. Andy's parents were upset at Danny, Ben, and George for "not going easy" on Andy and said that they were being terrible older cousins for that. They ended leaving the party early.

Danny and Ben's parents asked us what happened and they told them. My great aunt said that I should not have told them that it was okay to beat Andy because "you know he has issues. You should have told them no because now he is going to think you all hate him." And Ben, not so helpfully, goes "But I do hate him." He got scolded for that of course.

Even though that has long passed, my great aunt still brings it up saying that I was the asshole for giving them the okay to beat Andy in the game, and that I should have told them to just endure it for longer instead.

So AITA for giving the three of them the okay to win against him?

What are these acronyms?

[evening-rose-309]

I'M GLAD YOU AGREE WITH BILL. I LITERALLY SHIP HIM AND RYAN LIKE CRAZY

I mean, like,

Okay. So we know how Ryan is kinda some way about relationships. He's like "I like you but you're too much work but I'm not gonna tell you that because then you'll leave me and sometimes I want to leave you but I'm not gonna because then I'd be lonely and a loser so I'm not gonna tell you anything so you'll stay and I'll pretend to like you always in the best way I can even" about people and ends up an asshole most occasions. He's genuine multiple times but not enough and to not enough people in his self imposed rolodex and you can see that in the games and the book, and it's not just Diane or Cohen. He's like that with Sullivan, who I think he cares for, but because he can't understand Sullivan all of the time and wishes he would stop being Sullivan on some occasions, he ends up undermining and underestimating his judgement. And it hurts him when Sully dies, you know, or at least that's what I gather from the book; whether that's a blow to his pride that the rolodex is thinning out or because of actual genuine emotional attachment is up in the air, but the blow is a blow.

Bill is the same. Bill, maybe Greavy too before he died. Ryan likes Bill a hell of a lot more than almost everyone else. Bill's death is the same clinical detachment as all other deaths in the games with Ryan, but in the book, well. Karlosky says it best:

He didn't see Bill die, like he didn't with Sullivan, but this time it was voluntary. This is more than a blow to pride. Bill was like his safe space, in some instances. Like in the dinner scene at Kashmir at the start, when he isn't thinking about going off to Jasmine, he's wishing Bill were there at the table and is even elated when he gets called away, presuming Bill is already on top of the situation.

(also in this scene is the tidbit where Ryan laments on having already been married and "Never again," is his end to that narration, and nobody talks about that I am chewing through drywall—)

Bill is the closest thing Ryan has to a friend, which is still a long ass stretch. Ryan likes Bill, but Ryan is Ryan, and that is the entire tragedy on the matter. No matter how much he's gone and loved, gotten himself attached, genuinely feels for a person, pride comes first. Pride, not even Rapture, not even the ghosts he was running from from the outside world, he doesn't even care when he becomes the very monster that killed his aunt and uncle on that train platform and forced him and his father into hiding, if only under a different name, which is entirely too fitting. Bill, Diane, Greavy, Sullivan, Jasmine, and even Cohen, presumably, end up dying because Andrew Ryan is a man who does not buckle, does not compromise even when he should.

You would wonder if he were a different man, maybe the sort who would build a city under the ocean not to run from taxes, but from the biased and alienist regimes of the government above, who didn't value capitalism over humanity, who actually lived up to the whole "no gods, no kings" bit, if we could have had him and Bill in that office where Bill quietly admits to himself that Ryan is lovely when he's just sitting at his desk with his glasses lost in work, if he would have let go of Diane and didn't hang her on a string, if he listened to Sullivan about the plasmids and Fontaine and Culpeper.

But that is the tragedy of Rapture, and I'm a sucker for tragedies and alternate timelines where things are different and Ryan reads fairytales to Jack in his native tongue and tells him about the things he will never have to face ever so long as Ryan is alive as he falls asleep, whilst Bill watches from the door, reminiscing on how far they've come.

Or alternatively where he meets a stranded Robert House in 1933 and gets his ass handed to him by an apocalypse approved civil engineer and Rapture looks like an art deco reef instead of just New York on green filter.

Or he's a vessel for some kind of Cthulu and Bill has to handle that and Fontaine is freaking out because the feds didn't tell him this op has eldritch monsters peeking in from the windows and half of everyone is stuck here under Ryan's dead eyes being slowly fattened up to feed to some kind of monster lurking just under Persephone and who's like "alright yes you can have the plumber and all these others for yourselves pet, but remember you have to feed the slugs." and the little sisters once turned become his children. you know. usual shenanigans.

TLDR; yes, I love the lion and plumber ship because the lion is just a big awkward nervous housecat when the plumber walks in the room and the plumber is surprisingly territorial like wow Bill, chill, Cohen's like this with everyone, hold your wrenches—

[rayshippouuchiha]

Okay so, feel free to not answer this one, it's,, kinda heavy, i think? and a bit long. also, sorry about just dropping this here, it's just been weighting on me for at least a couple of years?

So, i'm 21, and like, a big lurker in fandom spaces, and with the ships I ship I sometimes see the "these kind of ships are only okay if you're a csa survivor" stuff, which,, bullshit, but always makes me go "is that,, me? does what happened to me count?" and like, i'm aware that just needing to ask that probably means the answer to that is yes, but I've always shied from thinking about myself that way? The term survivor feels heavy, i guess, like it needs to cross a threshold before the thing counts? Which, logically I know is not how that works, but still

It was just like, this one time I was staying at my great aunt's with my parents for like the 1000th time, I loved going over there, she and her husband had dogs and we'd have breakfast together and hang out doing stuff in the garden. But then this one time when I was like,, 13?? I was pretending to be asleep to read fanfic under the covers after bedtime (I was sleeping in a pullout couch in the living room) and my aunt's husband,, kinda groped me? I don't think he realized I was awake, but I froze and just did my best to pull away quietly and then he stopped and left, and I just,, never mentioned it to anyone in my family because I didn't want anyone to fight?? I've been very nervous about raised voices since I was little

After the fact we just left and anytime my parents mentioned visiting I'd try my best to get out of it, by coming up with like reports or homework I had to do over the weekend, and if I couldn't get out of going I'd just stay put in the room I usually slept in or go out with my parents just to have minimum contact with my uncle, which meant like, hugging him hello and goodbye when we got there and when we left, and sometimes accompanying him to gather wood for the fireplace

Anyways, for unrelated motives my parents and I moved to another entire continent right after I turned 16, and then a while later he got sick and died, and hearing everyone lamenting his death and saying that he was such a good man stung like a bitch, even though I*know* i specifically didn't mention it to anyone in my family to avoid any tension. Sometimes I wish I did say something? But like, we moved away *and* he's dead and nobody's even mentioned him in a long time so I don't really see the point? It's a weird thing, and I don't want my parents to ask why I didn't say anything earlier bc they'd get sad, i think

I do have a couple of people to talk to. My friends have gotten really angry on my behalf a few times now, and I love them. Still, it's a weird thing where I don't really want to think about it but also I know it's a thing that really affected me? Still, the term 'csa survivor' feels like it should go for,, heavier things, worse things

Sorry again for just,, dropping this here, just.. talking about it helps a bit, i think?

Oh darling this is a heavy one indeed.

Look, I'm going to be real with you.

What you feel about this uncle is valid. It doesn't matter that it was only once, it doesn't matter that it was "just a grope", it doesn't matter that it didn't progress, it doesn't matter that you were able to avoid him afterward.

He assaulted you. Point blank. He was an adult family member you should have been able to trust and he touched you in a way he should have never even thought to touch you.

I am so grateful that it never progressed, that you were able to stay away from him as much as possible and that he never touched you like that again but the fact remains that you should have never had to deal with that. The burden, the fear, of that kind of thing should have never been placed on you. He broke a trust with you and in you that could never be replaced and that is and will always be on him.

The title of survivor does feel heavy and I can understand why you wouldn't feel comfortable carrying it. In the end that's your choice and your choice is and should always be what matters most.

I also understand being reluctant to tell your parents, especially since he's dead now. I do have to ask if there were any other children or teenagers he might have also attempted to prey on besides you?

Either way I'm glad you have a support system, I'm glad you have friends you can talk to about it.

[moved-to-cinnamon-phrog]

rank dhmis characters from favorite to least favorite?

:D Gladly! Sorry I took awhile my laptop was having a tantrum and didn't want to cooperate

O A T S

I love him so much he is the most complex and 5 dimensional character in the entire DHMIS series I loved that bit where he saved those orphans from a burning building.

2. Yellow Guy

Look at him. He is exquisite. He's made of nothing but sunshine and lemon easter peeps and his brain is made of candy-floss.

Fr he is my favourite, for multiple reasons which are very intricate and personal to my being and if I said them all you'd be reading for about five hours.

The main reason is because he's one of my favourite tropes concentrate.

I'm an absolute sucker for the type of charater that tries to make the best out of dark situations. He... tries. Maybe he's the way he is because he's just too stupid to understand, but I choose to beleive that he knows but... pretends he doesn't. At least a little bit.

Also his design is gorgeous. I never liked the colour yellow but now it's my favourite ^-^

Anyways he is litterally my Blorbo

3. Duck

My favourite lil' bitch. Skrunkly thang. Bastard.

What I like abt Duck is he's so widespread in his character.

Their like everyone's grumpy grandad, little old lady that knits you scarves for the winter, goofy uncle that lives in the woods with a shotgun and a bottle of whisky, sassy wine aunt, dad that reads the paper in the morning and has rthe worst dance moves ever, housewife mum from the fifties, little brother that wants you to look at his planes and moody big sister that wants you to gtfo of her room rn she's talking to Braydon shut up Braydons on the phone all in one.

He genuinely, desprately wants others to like him, to look up to him and see him as a friend. But they can never quite get there.

That's why they love anybody and everybody who loves them back, because not many do.

They're voice smells good also ^-^

4. Red Guy

He's only this far down bc he looks like a used tampon to me and I can't unsee it, so the other two I hold at a slightly higher pedastal bc of it.

He's the cool guy, laid back and sad, and I like his swag.

But he canonically hunts wales for sport and I don't have much to say about him really, I like Red but he's certainly not my favourite. That doesn'y mean I don't like him though.

5. Roy

Roy :) Worlds Worst Father. He has a cheese puff for a nose. He has contacted absolutely every sexually transmitted disease onto his person.

6. Colin

Con da puter ^^^^^^^^^

My favourite teacher methinks. He's much more goofy and I love that abt him. Unlike the others he just seems to want the trio to have fun, if in his odd little twisted way.

He's just a little narccisistic kid really. That nerd that had pokemon cards that thought he was fresh af for having all the shinys.

7. Tony

I love him sm I made a poem 'bout him:

Tony Tony

Macaroni

Pepperoni Pizzer

He likes traumatizing kids

I hope he never meets ya

8. Sketchbook

The gg scenecore Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Creepypasta loving brony.

9. Shrignold.

I hate to love him and I love to hate him >:3

10. Train

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ train

11. Lamp

This drunkard really just stumbled in absolutely piss-faced and got the teching job bc nobody could get rid of him.

12. Furry Boy and his crab <3

13. Steak

My friend calls him Meaty Gusteau.

14. Spinach can

I ran out of funny words I just think she's cool.

15. Bread Boy

Look at this face. This is the cutest lil thang. Look at his drums. He exeeds talent.

16. Fridge

Fridgy <33333 get away from me <333333333 ur scary <3333333333333

17. Micheal

Mah boy just needs some love :o'(

18. This Tree

19. This Stick

20. Wow look a piechart!

21. DIGITAL STYLE

22. DO A DIGITAL DANCING, AIN'T THIS JUST FUN?!?!?!?!

23. This bargraph I have no emotion for whatsoever.

Why do you exist.

24. Paula

25. Mean Steve.

Mean Steve is a fucking cunt he pissed on my fucking wife-

26. THIS FUCKING THING

Okay I love all the other characters but tHIS. This HEATHEN. I hate him. He invokes so much hatred in me you have no idea. I want to stomp on him. I want to set him on fire. I want both sides of his pillow to be warm.

Honorable mentions:

Shriggy's Lovecult, Mrs. Grenalds and the other weirdos in Clayhill, twin goblins Scaraboosh and Scaramoochie, The Pirate King, and whoever the fuck Jason is.

[deathsbestgirl]

y'all okay. i just saw my mom's side of the family for our yearly reunion and i've been so tired with work after going seven days straight, i haven't even been thinking about it. but these are the people i grew up with, who were there when my dad was sick, who were there when we lost him. (and obviously my dad's family too, but they had their own grief and my mom's family held us together)

and i have to talk about the x files — my best friends were also there so it's allowed. and christine, who's been my best friend since we were born, our parents are best friends (our moms since they were teens) and i used to torture her, making her watch x files. i assume it was when her family moved to live near us. so we're 8 years old, she's scared out of her mind and i'm laughing. like. i love bringing it up around her because whatever description she gave was definitely a combination of three different episodes, so clearly, i made her watch it a lot lol

and my cousin kelly, who's only a year younger than me, also comes out and says "oh yeah. i think about you and i think x files" and i cannot emphasize enough the way i don't remember ever talking about the x files with her or making her watch it. but clearly i did. we were always camping together or at the jersey shore. and i remember watching 10 things i hate about you and bring it on over & over every summer for years lol but not x files and i haven't gotten to see her in so long (college, pandemic, life)

and anyway. i cried in the first five minutes i saw everyone. i've been a terrible niece and i haven't even called aunt debbie who had breast cancer because i just. couldn't. now my uncle kevin has cancer...and i can't. and so i love everyone from a distance. which seems to work for everyone a lot more than they pretend, because they don't know what to do with me <3

[adoriels-tears-if]

Hey! I just finished the demo and have a lot of emotions because this was so good.  This is going to be just me rambling. Full on angst and a lot of words ahead. English isn't my first language, so this may sound strange. Sorry in advance! Just please shut me down if I'm overstepping and making you uncomfortable. The whole emotional turmoil the little Tear can have in your story. No matter how mature or smart a kid can be, they're still going to process so many emotions in not the most healthy way.  They are told that the world is out to get them, that you can't trust anybody, that nobody will like who you really are. The biggest source of love is the one who controls it. Your mother isolates you, hides your family relations. And you love her, you do! This is okay. But you don't even know what a normal parent-child relationship looks like. Your aunt loves you, but you're not her priority. And that's okay! This is okay. She has her own life, after all. You just know she won't stay. And then your uncle. He doesn't try to control you despite loving you. He leaves, but never for long, and wants to be a part of your life. You love him, he's your favorite person in the whole world! But then he takes a pupil. The boy took your place! It hurts, but still, your uncle is yours when he visits, right? This is okay. He brought the boy into your home. The only place you felt safe, the only place you could pretend to be normal. He wants you to befriend this boy. You can't even choose your own friends, huh? Then he tells you that he chose this boy as his student because it is more convenient for him. You're too difficult to teach and interact with. You're too difficult to love.  This isn't okay anymore. You don't need any more people to care for you. You don't need this boy to like you. You know how this will end. He will become your friend and will start to control you for your safety. Or he will realize that there are people more convenient to love and leave. Or else he'll find out who you are and will rat you out. The only people you ever know either control you, leave you for someone easier to deal with, or are too dangerous to be around in the first place.  You don't need it anymore. This will only lead to more pain for you. You can't control your life fully, but you can control something else. Kill any relationship before it causes you harm. Everyone will leave anyway, so what's the point of prolonging it? You don't need them, you don't need love. You push Arthur into the well.

Urggg I cry !

This is so valid !!!

Thank you Anon ! I feel so moved that you are so moved!

[ghostjelliess]

My proudest moment of 2023:

I went back to MI for my cousin's wedding in November (we'll call her cousin A). I was supposed to go back in the summer but a surgery got moved up, so I couldn't go back until the post-op check-up, and that got moved at the last minute to the day before my flight, and involved a small but unexpected procedure. So I trudged back to a place I left immediately at 18 with a whole bag of drugs (amox and Ibuprofen mostly).

I knew I was going back as a kind of personal test. I've worked a lot on myself in the past few years and I hadn't seen my family in a while. I talk to my sisters all the time, but only one of us gets along with our parents. My older sister came home with me and all us sisters stayed at a sister's house. It was a sister party!

My fiance did not come with me, because I wanted to see how well I've recovered, and because he had work stuff, and we made a fun list of reasons he didn't come for the wedding reception. He has great taste and helped me, who is normally at my desk in flannels and a hoodie, hair in a bun, pick out the baddiest of baddie mafia chic outfits. It was a country wedding at the gun club I've been to a million times, and I flew in from Boston in strappy heels, a silk bustier top, and the perfect black pantsuit. I got so many drunk compliments from aunts and uncles that I really look like an East Coast girl now, I genuinely looked like I walked out of a Pinterest cover pin for some Wattpad GL story. My favorite part was when I told them my fiance picked out the outfit and the aunts got jealous cus their husbands would NEVER and the favorite uncles gave that approving nod cus they already liked him (we're going in 13 years), or my sister whining that I'm not allowed to out bi- her when I'm already engaged.

Okay, you've got the scene. I'm chatting with sisters and their girlfriends/husbands, and cousins, and we get sent to the home-made buffet line. One of my younger sisters is in front of me, I'm signing the guest book with her and her quiet husband, talking about hockey. We're squished in the narrow space between the long banquet tables and the guest book table, waiting our turn to enter the narrow doorway into the next room with the buffet. From the other end of the hall, cousin B begins walking our way.

Cousin B is the brother of cousin A, the only grandson out of 15 grandkids. He is my mother's godson. He [sa] @ssaulted me when I was 14 and I found out two years later that he @ssaulted my sister as well (the one standing in front of me). My family handled it poorly as parents (great as siblings, tbh). My dad holds a quiet grudge, my mom and everyone else in that family pretends nothing happened. When my fiance first met my mom's family, cousin B still tried to talk to me. I was like a deer in headlights. I was taking MMA classes and I was judging whether I could take him, we're a football family, but it was my Dziadzia's birthday. My fiance offered to punch him in the parking lot if I wanted (honestly, the sweetest thing he could have said at the time, and when I said no, he dropped it and offered to take me to another restaurant instead, what a guy). In college freshman year, my mom, fully aware of the assaults, was supposed to pick me up, but cancelled last minute and said Cousin B was on his way home from his own school and would be passing through to pick me up. I didn't speak a word, I was livid. Cousin A has said she thought my sister was being dramatic about the past, and when my sister invited cousin A and B to her wedding, she called me to explain that it was her choice and that she saw her forgiveness as a freedom, but she still got choked up and I think my mom convinced her. When I told her I am more spiteful and not inviting them to mine, she said "good." When cousin B tried speaking to me at the bar at her wedding, I was still trapped in those convenient social expectations and I didn't want to make a scene, I took my wines and left, but I felt sick. Shameless, all of them. I hated the pretending.

I knew cousin B was going to be there, with his wife and kids, the favorite because he was the only male in a traditional Midwest country family. I knew and my fiance knew, and I was dressed for the moment. Cousin B was walking toward us, that stupid plastic pretender smile on his face, empty cup in hand, and my sister's shy husband did the cutest thing. He stepped back just a few inches, so she was directly beside him, no longer in the direct line of sight, I dunno, it was cute. I don't see them much, so those little things mean a lot.

Unsmiling, I looked directly at cousin B, up, down, unimpressed. I didn't mean to, this was not a planned encounter, but apparently my expression was scary, like a dare my sister said, a psycho challenge, the "manifestation of the thumbs down emoji" according to another sister. I was disgusted and I did not hide it. I no longer belonged to the pretenders.

Cousin B stopped in his tracks, shuffled back a step, looked at his cup, back at me still staring, down at his cup, then turned and walked back to the dark side of the room, weaving awkwardly between the long empty tables with no excuses. I was not pretending, so he had no power. There was no shame in his face, but there was a hint of fear, and all I thought was good.

I told my fiance later that night, so proud of all the ways I no longer fit there, even though some were uncomfortable and others were sad. He said that's why it's called a power suit, and also that's why sometimes I'm scary to strangers. It's not always because I studied dead people, sometimes it's because I look like I could kill them and get away with it if I didn't hate having sticky hands so much. That's more or less a direct quote, and also one of many reasons why he is my fiance even though I think weddings are dumb.

It was still a rough trip. I found lots of cracks to fix. Coming back to Boston, I was all moody for three weeks, acclimating back to the direct communication and struggling against the ease of reading midwesterners so used to pretending. I still have a habit of hiding instead of pretending, but damn if that unmasking didn't feel good. Here's to more moments of uncomfortable authenticity in 2024, use those expressions, be the thumbs down emoji, boo people in public when they're mean, don't smile when you don't want to. I don't want to punch my cousin anymore, because laughing in his face was so much better, but I wouldn't hesitate to do it if he showed up at my wedding uninvited or walked toward my sister like that again. I may be balancing on the high road for now, but when you take away that pretender barricade, it's pretty easy to jump over the edge, slide down the ravine, and uppercut a loser still reliving his HS football glory days, and that's the kind of freedom and power I'm bringing into this year.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being Tenzin's eldest daughter and dating Bolin which Tenzin isn't very pleased with. So Tenzin makes it his mission to keep you and Bolin apart which just means the two of you find sneakier ways to be together.

Part Two here

Tenzin got back to his house and for once it was quiet, confused where the small army he shared his house with was he approached his second eldest daughter Jinora. "Where's korra?" Tenzin asked. "With Asami". "And Ikki and Meelo?". "With uncle Boomi". “And your mother?”. “Out with Aunt Kya”. Tenzin smiled everyone was taken care of and he could finally relax. "And y/n and Bolin?" Tenzin asked relaxing into his chair. "They'e in y/n's room" Jinora shrugged and Tenzin jumped up "with the door closed? Y/n" he bellowed pushing the door open with air bending. "Okay okay im sorry" he heard you yell and Tenzin sighed having your boyfriend stay here was making him age faster.

You and Bolin were in your room relaxing on the bed preparing to watch a movie. For once you didn’t have to babysit your younger siblings or train so had rushed off for some privacy with Bolin and your dad almost kicked the door down. Your dad was insanely worried about leaving you and Bolin alone despite the fact you were dating and Bolin was the sweetest guy in the world. Bolin had been trying to show you the mover he was in for week but you never had a spare moment where you could be alone with him. So when your dad had gone out and left you and Bolin with no task it seemed like the perfect time. You were determined your dad wouldn’t stop another one of your dates but of course he managed to. When your door flew open you sighed and called back you’d leave it open as per your dad’s many rules about you and Bolin. You looked to Bolin worried this would ruin the date but Bolin didn’t seem to mind. The movie started and you moved closer to Bolin to lean against him and he accomodated you hugging you against him. You and Bolin were just getting into the movie, despite the noise your family was making throughout the house when your father knocked on the open door and walked in. "Y/n its getting late, i think you and Bolin should get ready to go to sleep soon so he should go do that in his room soon". You nodded at your dad in reply so engrossed in the film you didn’t realise he hadn’t left. Tenzin coughed and you both looked up to see he didn't look impressed. "Ow you mean now?" Bolin asked and Tenzin nodded "well yes i think that'd be best". You blushed as Tenzin stood waiting glaring at Bolin. Bolin jumped up obediently while you pouted annoyed. Bolin paused the film and gathered his things and smiled "we can finish the movie tomorrow". You nodded "i suppose" and Bolin went to step towards you when Tenzin actually growled. A literal noise escaped his throat at Bolin daring to step closer to you. You sighed but Bolin just smirked and left shooting you a smile. Tenzin watched him go staring into his back and then turned to your door and fixed two bells around the door handle. "Dad!" You cried "what is that?". "Nothing just a decoration...". "You're doing it so you’ll know if i leave my room! Do you not trust me?". "I trust you y/n but i do not trust teenage boys! And i have to do my duty as your father! Having your boyfriend under the same roof..i have to take precautions". "But you didn't do this for Mako and Korra!". "Yes well Korra is older than you and Mako is more responsible than Bolin". You groaned and Tenzin coughed "you weren’t going to break the rules so this shouldn’t be an issue for you". You rolled your eyes "fine whatever...can i go to sleep now?". Tenzin nodded "i am only doing it because i love you y/n, if you have children you’ll understand". You huffed and Tenzin frowned "well goodnight y/n". "Goodnight dad" you said exasperatedly as the door closed but you didn’t plan on sleeping. Your dad hadn’t put bells on your window so as soon as you heard him go to bed you got ready. You gathered what you needed and climbed out of your window before airbending onto the roof. You carefully climbed across the roof to Bolin’s room and landed outside his window. You knocked on Bolin’s window film projector in hand and saw the curtains swing aside as Bolin realised it was you. "Y/n" Bolin grinned hanging out of his window "what are you doing here?". "Well we didn't get to finish the movie because of my dad so i figured we could now without him knowing?". Bolin hesitated for two seconds before grinning "yes come on it!". It had only been lightly raining but Bolin still wrapped a blanket around you before bringing you back to your prefered spot on the bed. He bustled around getting the movie ready and the secret snacks Tenzin didnt know about before jumping down next to you.

The film finished and Bolin looked at you anxiously "so what did you think...i wasn't sure if it was too far fetched and could you tell i couldn’t do my stunts properly and i didn’t look that great in that scene with the royal guards...". "Bolin" you said grabbing his shoulders "it was great! You were great in it, your stunts were amazing, your acting was really good and you looked well..." you trailed off blushing "basically it was amazing and i really enjoyed it!". "Really?" Bolin asked and you nodded. Bolin seized you in a hug and it made you blush he valued your opinion so much. "Im so glad you like it" he smiled putting you back down "your opinion means a lot to me" he blushed and you smiled. "Yours too Bolin" you told him "you're one of the most important people to me". Bolin's blush grew and he looked down his eyes slightly glazed. Bolin smiled and took your hand "you're pretty important to me too y/n" and kissed you softly. Bolin was always so caring and affectionate he just always made you feel loved and safe. He never pressured or rushed you, he was the best man you'd ever met. You broke away blushing and smiled at him before sighing "i should probably go". Bolin frowned "are you sure i mean it's not even that late...plus it's raining really heavily outside you could get a cold or get blown off the roof! Or lost". "Lost? My rooms practically across from yours!" you smirked but Bolin shrugged "i still don’t think you should risk it". You smirked "so what i stay here until the rain stops...that could be all night". Bolin shrugged "i just think it’d be safer it probably won’t be all night" he argued but his tone told you he hoped it would be. You smirked and nodded "fine..i guess i can stay for a bit longer and see if it stops". Bolin grinned "that's a very good decision y/n i must say". "Stop it" you pushed him before blushing as he grabbed your hand. You smiled and leant into him "i might nap while im here for a bit, if that's okay?". Bolin nodded "of course" and gathered even more blankets to keep you warm. You smiled getting into the blankets and Bolin got in beside you. With a bolt of lightning the rain came down ever harder. You noticed and Bolin pretended to look away. "i didn’t do anything!" he said when he felt you looking at him. "Mh hmmm?" You asked laying beside him but you were smiling. "Promise" Bolin smiled putting an arm around you. Bolin was so broad you fitted against him easily and curled up against his side. Bolin wrapped his large arm around you and you felt do safe and warm with the rain pounding against the window. "Goodnight y/n" Bolin smiled kissing your forehead and you smiled closing your eyes. "Goodnight Bolin".

You vaguely heard voices and groaned trying to sunk further into the warmth and Bolin. You buried your head against his chest and fell back to sleep when suddenly Bolin’s door was thrown open. "Y/n" Tenzin screetched and you and Bolin jolted awake. Bolin let out a yelp as Tenzin stared his eyes bulging. "You didn’t put bells on my windows?" you offered and your father turned even more red. "I’ll be putting bars on your window young lady if you dont stay in your assigned room!" He yelled and to your dismay others flocked to the room. "Did you find her?" Asami asked before smirking "ow...i see". "She's in here?" Mako asked "but thats Bolins room" before trailing off as Korra stumbled in too. "Well you did want Y/N to help rebuild the air nation" Korra smirked before she halted as Tenzin spun on her making the avatar gulp. "Is there something funny about my little girl growing up?" Tenzin yelled at them "no? Didn’t think so! Y/n get out of there right now and march yourself to your room this instance". You distangled yourself from Bolin and all the blankets and stood up red faced. "Sir it wasnt y/ns fault..." Bolin tried but Tenzin silenced him with a look. "You are grounded young lady and if i ever find you in his room again i'll...i'll take away your bison!". "Dad...." you groaned but he shook his head "no buts now to your room". You rolled your eyes but did as he said.

Later you sat in your room avoiding your dad's wrath when you heard someone near your window and opened your suprisingly still unlocked window to see Pabu. "Pabu?" You asked as he scampered in and dropped something on your bed. You grinned to see it was a note from Bolin with a wild flower attached "so guess you're our go between huh Pabu" You asked the fire ferret as you fed him a treat as payment. Pabu made a happy noise and you smiled before turning to Bolin’s note. "Sorry i got you in trouble but it was worth it" he wrote "think your dads gonna have us under surveillance for a while but i'm sure we can work around it. I'm game if you are and next time we wont get caught. Love Bolin". You smiled hiding your note and wrote a quick reply before handing it to Pabu who ran off to give it Bolin. You picked up the flower Pabu had also brought and smirked, you had the best boyfriend ever. Father be damned you’d find a way to see him.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[strip-weathers]

𝑰'𝒎 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖❦︎*˙.๑˖˙❦︎

A lot of things have been happening lately. Both on the track and in normal life. And on Strip it had quite a big impact and he was stressed out because of it all and he felt that he had to manage everything perfectly but one day..

,,No! No longer! I've had enough!” Strip yelled

,,Strip..please calm down..” Lynda begged him

,,How can I be calm when the people around us are constantly throwing dirt on our family?! Huh?! I can't do it anymore! It's too much!” he yelled again.

,,Enough! I know, how you feel! We have it anyway! I can't do it either and I don't understand why people do it! But yelling won't help!” she yelled

,,Really?! And what do you think I should do?! I've been ignoring it all these years and pretending! But I don't want to anymore!”

,,Enough! Stop!”

At that moment, Strip couldn't take it anymore and didn't even realize what he was saying, ,,Leave me alone! Everyone!” He yelled and took the keys to his Plymouth and ran out of their house.

,,Strip stop! Where are you going?!” Lynda tried to follow him, but it was too late because Strip was already on the main street of the street and the engine spun really loudly and drove off.

Lynda just watched and cried ,,What should I do..” she sobbed softly

At that moment, Cal woke up because he was startled by the roar of the engine and ran quickly. When he came on the front porch, he saw only Lynda crying and leaning against the porch pillar.

,,Aunt..! What happened..?” he ran to his aunt quickly.

,,Your uncle went somewhere ..but I don't know where..” she cried softly.

Cal pulled her into his arms and Lynda accepted it because she really needed it. Cal put his arms around his aunt and held her tight.

,,Nothing will happen here..don't worry...” he whispered.

,,A-and what if yes..? What if he hurts...the two of us know very well how he drives when he's stressed...” she sobbed softly

,,Yes. But we have to hope that nothing will happen. Not every day have to happen bad things..” he whispered, ,,Uncle probably needs to be alone and calm down..you know that..”

,,Yes, I know...but I'm worried about him...”

,,Me too...me too..”

They stayed in the hug for a long time, and after a while Cal felt his aunt shake ,,We should go inside. It's really cold.”

,,I can't..! I have to go look for him..!”

,,No, aunt...he needs to be alone..” Cal held her firmly

Lynda just sank into Cal's chest because she is smaller than him and her husband. She was so glad Cal was here. He can calm her down just like her husband and she is always happy that her lovely little nephew is nearby.

,,Shh..it'll be good aunt..believe it..” he whispered calmly, ,,he'll be back okay..” he rubbed her back gently.

,,I hope..” Lynda whispered

,,Let's go inside...” Cal whispered

,,O-okay..” she sobbed softly

As they walked in, Lynda sat down on the living room couch and Cal went to the kitchen to make herbal tea. Lynda looked at the wall in front of her where photo of her and Strip was onto the TV and she was thinking what she can do. She wants this all to end. She wants the media to stop throwing dirt on her family. She wants the people to stop making fun of Cal. It was all really hard and hard to hear. Strip pretended a lot of time because he didn't want to make trouble, but this was too much for him. At that time, Cal came with two cups of herbal tea and sat down next to his aunt.

,,Here” he gave her herbal tea

,,Thank you” she took it and drank a bit of it

Meanwhile, Cal brought a blanket and covered his aunt carefully. Lynda smiled softly and watched her nephew take care of her. After that Cal sat down again and drank his tea, Lynda pulled him close and Cal hugged him.

,,Thank you again” she whispered

,,It's nothing, aunt.” he smiled softly

Lynda smiled and kissed him gently on the forehead. Cal smiled shyly and looked away. Lynda laughed softly and pulled him to her. Cal looked at her.

,,In this case, you're just like your uncle.”

,,Haha funny.” Cal rolled his eyes playfully

Lynda laughed softly and leaned on Cal's shoulder and closed her eyes. Cal smiled softly, holding his aunt and they both literally fell asleep because they were really exhausted.

Hello guys. Here's my another fanfiction. This is first part. It'll be more parts of this fanfiction and I hope second part will be soon. I can tell you that I'm working on it already. I wrote this from my feelings and how I fight stress and puls I was writing something similar with another cars fan. I hope y'all like it.

🚫It's humanized for comfort!!🚫

[imbackmrstark]

《——————》

• l e m o n b o y •

It was the kid from next door. Brown, curly hair and those sweet, thin lips. His eyes, God, his eyes, Tony could stare into them for hours. He was barely 15 years old, the boy, maybe 16, Tony had never asked and never intended to. Talking, that was the problem. Tony never had a word with the boy, not even at the welcome party; the boy's family, the Parkers – he knew that from the door sign – only moved here a few months ago, Tony had fallen in love immediately. He couldn't take his eyes off the smaller one all day long, staring at him like a hungry lion at its prey, but instead of attacking the teenager, he just smiled insecurely every now and then. He looked like an angry hamster – a sweet, angry hamster. You couldn't take him seriously, he was far too cute. Tony was head over heels in love with the boy next door. And so it began that Anthony E. Stark watched the younger one from his room window every day as he built and hammered on something outside, curious what it would be.

One day – Tony just came out of his bathroom, hair freshly washed and with a towel around his waist – he saw a small booth with a sign on it saying "lemonade $2". A smile played around his lips and he completely forgot to put something on and comb his hair, far too distracted by the sunshine down on the street, which at that moment took some lemons and pressed them into a lemonade. That's when Tony started calling him 'lemon boy', whether in his head or when he talked to his parents about the Parkers boy.

He supported his elbow on the windowsill and leaned his chin on the palm of his hand while watching the neighbor. To live across from such a beauty is a curse and a blessing in equal measure. Tony thought that even a blind man would see how much he was in love and that scared him. He couldn't–.. to be honest, he didn't even try to talk his way out of it, he had no chance, he knew he had lost to this disgusting love. Pah, who needs love! The teenager pulled a face, he needed love. Oh dammit.

He let his gaze wander back to the street and only noticed too late that Little Parker had looked up at him. A sweet smile adorned his face and he raised his hand briefly to wave sweetly. Tony's eyes widened in shock before he threw back a quick smile and jumped away from the window, getting tangled up in the blanket and falling to the floor. A soft laugh was heard from the street and the older one puffed offended.

Tony wondered why the boy had just opened his shop at the beginning of his school days. Every day from 8am to 3pm at school and then up to two hours of homework and studying. How is he supposed to find time for his lemonade? Talking about school: The teenager was sitting right now in the school bus on his way to personal hell, while Parker was once again being brought fine by Auntie. Aunt... Tony had heard that the boy's parents had died and that he was now living with his aunt and uncle. Even though he loved them, he felt bad for him. The brown-haired teen got up and grabbed his bag when the bus came to a halt, then left it to find his friends with a quick glance. That was the less difficult task, but getting there first... almost impossible.

"Tonyy!" A girl with brown hair waved at him before she ran to him with her bouncing boobs to give him a cheerful hug. "How was the holiday, big boy? You're fine?"

"Sorry, but who were you again?" Faces and names, not Tony's domain at all, especially when he sees so many of them a day. Most popular boy in school problem.

The girl made an offended expression on her face and was about to start complaining when she was harshly interrupted.

"Stark. Why don't you stop flirting and join us? We've been waiting here forever." That voice... That fucking voice. It could only come from one lady, and you better not fuck with her. A request was a request and she never took no for an answer, never ever.

"Natasha, darling... Of course, I'm on my way," he replied instantly, looking forward to having his peace and quiet from all the annoying students, because one thing was made clear on the first day of school: James Barnes hates people and will beat up anyone who didn't get official permission to stay near him. Even Steve, an old best friend, now just a friend, to get him into the group took days and now... now the two of them can't be separated anymore. They are one of the favorite couples at this school.

"Hey man," Steve grinned at him slightly, his typical greeting after the holidays, just to get warm again. They parted quarrelling back then - Tony had caught him sleeping with his girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, Pepper, and instead of an apology he only got to hear that she was a slut and he just wanted to show him that she was wrong. It took years to stand so close to him again without Tony wanting to punch him in the face.

"What's up?" He wasn't a real speaker, he hated this job most in everyday life anyway. He listened to his friends most of the time and answered everyone only the most necessary questions. Only with some of them he could come out a bit more. For example his best friend Rhodey and maybe even a little bit with Natasha.

The happy expression on his face when the bell rang couldn't go unnoticed by his friends, which is why a little grin crept across Rhodey's face before he put his hand on Tony's shoulder and went to class with him. The hours stretched like chewing gum and the teenager became so bored that he voluntarily started talking to the people around him. Sometimes a little word with the girl next to him and sometimes a few sentences with a buddy of his named Thor. They got along well, even if Thor wasn't the brightest candle on the chandelier. It was always funny to listen to the boy, how he put up crazy theories. Weirdo. After the English lesson they walked together through the corridors to their lockers, which happened to be close together. On the way there, the paths of Tony and the Lemon Boy crossed, who smiled softly, then immediately looked down at the floor again. At school Tony wore the pants, here he was braver and here he could stand his looks and smiles. At home then rather less, the boy made him weak.

"Earth to Stark," Thor curiously waved his hand in front of his face to regain the attention he was currently giving the sugar sweet boy. And by "giving" he meant staring at the boy like a stalker, so that even he noticed it and speeded up his walking with red cheeks. Maybe Tony was creepy, yes, maybe, but it was all due to stupid love. If it didn't exist, none of this would've happened. He puffed, glanced back up at Thor, who raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Why don't you ask him out?"

"Just shut up, you have no idea." He grumbled discontentedly and turned back around to see Bucky leaning against Tony's locker, smiling knowingly. Of course he knew what was going on in Tony's head. He'd been through the whole thing himself. With Steve, in fact. He shook his head, his hair falling unintentionally into his face, so Steve's hand slid towards him instantly and brushed a strand of hair out of his face. Of course the blond guy was not far away from his lover, always at his side, that asshole. Tony rolled his eyes, stood right in front of them and showed with a quick movement of his head that he wanted to get to his locker.

"What do you want, idiot? Ohh, your locker. Ah sorry, but I am standing here right now, find yourself another place, will you?" Bucky replied with wagging eyebrows and a smirk on his lips.

"Fuck off or I'll punch you in the face, idiot." Tony's nerves were shot to shit. First the beautiful boy who gave him a smile and now a fucking bastard who interrupted his daydreams. "Come on, just say what you're getting at. Come on, one word and I'll show you some respect, you little pain in the ass."

"I haven't heard so many words from you in a long time, you little bitch." He laughed happily, like this was all some sort of game to him. Being a bit annoying to his friends, his favorite hobby, it seems. Not to Steve, apparently, because his body showed something quite different. He was tense and his hands were clenched in fists as if he was about to intervene any second to protect his lover, even if he could do it well himself.

"Okay big boys, that's enough." The redhead who almost always got Tony out of difficult situations, intervened again. "There's a real tense atmosphere here, don't you think?"

"Completely agree with you," confirmed Thor, who was a little tense himself. It wouldn't be the first time that Bucky and Tony would fight, it happened almost every month, but it hasn't been as bad as today for a long time.

"The motherfucker's in love, totally, and he knows that I know and he knows that I know who it is and that... that scares him." That grin on his face and those eyes that radiated such joy, like he thought he'd won. Tony couldn't help himself. He swung and punched the asshole right in the face.

"Tony!!!"

"Gee, I've already apologized. He's just a little drama queen, we all know that." Tony paced the hallway outside the hospital room trying desperately to talk his way out. Meanwhile, Thor sat in the far too small chair and watched him pacing as if it was even remotely exciting.

"Holy shit, you broke his fucking nose!" Clint, another friend of Tony's, or rather Natasha's, interfered and threw the facts back on the table. Tony shrugged his shoulders.

"He provoked me. He always provokes me. I hope this has taught him a lesson."

"Absolutely, motherfucker," Bucky muttered sarcastically as he came out of the hospital room with Steve holding his hand and his face in pain. He had a white bandage on his nose and some blood on his upper lip. Tony leaned against the opposite wall and crossed his arms in front of his chest, raised one eyebrow while trying not to look as if he was actually worried. "Don't pretend, you son of a bitch, I know you love me and you're really, really sorry. And you know what? I forgive you, okay? Because I love you too, pal."

"Dude, what? I don't love you, man. That's totally gay, stop fucking around. Damn, now I've wasted my time with all this shit too. I'll see you guys tomorrow, you little pesky kids." He shook his head with a sigh before he pushed himself off the wall and walked down the corridor to the exit. It was already 4pm, he had wasted a whole hour.

When he opened the glass door and went outside, he saw an all-too-familiar brunette sitting there on a small wall with his arms wrapped around his backpack and fear in his eyes. Tony curled his eyebrows. What was Parker still doing here? He didn't want to, but he had to. He gathered up all his courage and walked towards the boy, who noticed his neighbour much too late and quickly looked up with big eyes.

"Hey, lemon boy," murmured Tony softly, avoiding eye contact most of the time, but when the boy didn't answer, he raised his head. "What are you still doing here?"

"You're Tony S-Stark, right? The boy next door.. right?" The smaller one wiggled his legs unsteadily around and bit his lower lip.

"Yes, I am, but that wasn't my question." He shifted his weight to one leg, tried to look a little cooler and also tried not to stare at the kid the whole time.

"Oh, yeah, right, sorry. I... um... Ben, my uncle... he was gonna pick me up, but he doesn't answer, and, yeah, so..-"

Tony took a deep breath before he just let his question shoot out of him. "Will you walk home with me? Then we won't be alone and I don't have to feel bad about leaving you here. I'll have to walk anyway."

"I, um... Sure, why not. I'm Peter, by the way, I'm not sure if you knew that yet. So, um, yeah..." He bounced off the wall and shouldered his bag before he walked down the street beside Tony. He was glad he was asked, he would never have dared to walk alone along the main road and then across country roads while it was already getting dark.

"To be honest, I didn't know, sorry." The older one gripped the straps of his backpack tighter so his ankles turned white. He looked down, barely daring to look at the smaller one, but he was so incredibly beautiful, how could he not?

Tony had to admit that his idea to ask Peter to come along was really good, considering the long way in darkness. Living in a village two hours away from the nearest school and then having to walk across country isn't the yellow of the egg, but Tony was used to it. He grew up in this house and even his parents always had to go this way back then, so he couldn't complain. As long as you caught the bus that ran twice before and after school, everything was fine. If you got detention or missed it, you were just unlucky and had to walk or to ask someone to pick you up. When Tony looked at the boy, he shivered under the cold of the night and he couldn't help but take off his jacket and put it over his shoulder, even if he was freezing to death himself. Peter looked up in surprise, then smiled thankfully and squeezed himself a little more by Tony's side.

"Are you afraid? I mean, in the dark?", asked the taller one quietly after a short time, while he was about to protect the boy with his arm.

"When I'm alone, sometimes." muttered Peter uncertainly, then looked up with his round eyes. Tony just wanted to bend down and kiss him, but he didn't. He'd talked to the boy for the first time today, so he couldn't ambush him with a kiss.

"And now? Are you afraid?", the older one asked after a long time of silence, just looking straight and avoiding trembling. This cold was killing him and the sweet boy with the far too big jacket next to him as well. Tony's jacket was like a blanket for Peter, his fingertips could barely be seen and then there was this magical smile on his lips.

The next moment the little one shook his head to answer the question that was asked a few minutes ago. "Somehow, no. This jacket makes me feel safe, I don't know... Thanks again.", mumbled Peter and crawled a little more into the fabric.

"Just the jacket?" He squinted his eyes over to Peter, suppressed his grin when he noticed the red cheeks.

"No, because of you too, my hero." Peter raised his arm and pointed to the first houses they saw after two hours walking. "Almost there!"

"Finally. My feet are killing me and I'm hungry, too. It's all Bucky's fault."

"Who's Bucky? Ah, wait, is that the boy with the long hair? The one you punched in the face?" They turned into a street and walked a few more blocks until they were in front of their homes and they were still standing outside to continued their talk. "Why did you hit him, anyway?"

"Not so important. He was an asshole again, and he was begging for it." Tony shrugged and walked towards Peter's house like it was normal, leaving him stunned. "You coming? I'll take you home like a gentleman."

"Oh, yeah, yeah... thanks, um, sorry, I'm coming." Peter hurried to get to Tony and smiled thankfully at him, while he was already knocking at the door. It was opened by a young woman with long brown hair who looked surprised and then tore Peter into her arms with relief.

"Oh God Peter! I was so worried! Ben feels so bad, he had to work late and his phone... and... and..."

"May, breathe! It's all fine, Tony brought me home, nothing happened." Peter slowly separated from his aunt and looked over his shoulder, smiling, at Tony, who only raised his hand briefly.

"Thank you, Tony... How can we ever repay you? You know what... You come over for dinner tomorrow and Ben takes you back after school, no buts."

A smile was on Tony's face and he quickly thanked her. "See you tomorrow, lemon boy."

It was until late in the evening - Tony was sitting up in his room, on his bed, thinking about what happened today - when he noticed that Peter still had his jacket. He sighed and looked over his shoulder out of the window to look into the boy's room. Apparently he was already asleep; the light was off and the curtains drawn. He just hoped that the younger one would give him his jacket back tomorrow.

Being back at school the next day and standing next to Bucky was more than uncomfortable for him. The teachers had all put a few more eyes on him and he felt like he was being watched almost the whole time. While he listened to the others talking, he kept an eye out for the boy he saw after a few minutes with another boy and a girl. And what took his breath away was that Peter was wearing his much too big jacket and looked outrageously cute. Without thinking about it, Tony walked up to the boy, ignoring that his friends were silent and watched him. After a short time Peter looked up and smiled softly, raised his hand and waved briefly before Tony stood right in front of him.

First he just stared at the little one, then opened his mouth and closed it again until he remembered why he came here. "My jacket."

"O-oh, yeah, right, sorry about that." Peter was about to take them off when Tony took the hem of the jacket in his hands and tightened it more.

"No, don't. It looks really good on you, makes you even sweeter," murmured Tony softly, just looking at his chest.

"Um... Thanks? I can give them back to you after dinner tonight, though. I mean-" When Tony looked up, he saw Peter biting his lower lip uncomfortably.

"You can keep them." The teenager smiled slightly, then nodded again, let his hands slide off the jacket, turned around and went back to his idiot friends, who all grinned at him knowingly. "One word and the next nose's broken."

"Since when?" Steve asked quietly, nodding towards Peter, who was giggling around with his friends.

"Since when what? Since when am I in love? Since when do I want to turn my whole life upside down for this one person? Since when would I do anything for that one person? Holy shit!" Tony angrily ran his fingers into his hair and ripped it. "I've been so fucking in love and I have been ever since I first saw him..." Unintentionally a tear of desperation rolled down his cheek as he squeezed his eyes to avoid the glances of his friends.

"Actually, I was going to ask you, since when are you into guys too, but it's probably not important. Come here." Steve then opened his arms and pulled his old friend into them, then held him tight. Tony put his head on Steve's shoulder and sighed deeply.

"It's okay, Stark," mumbled Bucky after a short while, before carefully putting his hand on Tony's back.

Tony then tore himself away from them, straightened his clothes, wiped away his tears and put on a smile. "Whatever, boys. Class is about to start, we should go inside, don't you think?" He didn't even wait for an answer, he immediately went into the school and to his locker to get his new books. As he turned around and walked on, a small figure suddenly stood in front of him, looking worried.

"Are you okay, Tony? I just.. saw you.. with the blond guy. You looked sad. Is it because of the jacket? Does it mean anything to you? Do you want it back?" Peter's eyes radiated such warmth and such concern for nothing. Tony felt bad that Peter thought it was his fault. Even if it was, but he didn't want him to think it was. He shook his head.

"No. It makes me happy that you're wearing mine. It's just... nothing." The taller one leaned his side against the lockers, looking down with a would-be cool look at the boy, who pressed his lips together, shook his head and flinched slightly when the bell rang. "Don't you want to go to class?"

"I'd rather talk to you. You're not well, something makes you sad...", Peter said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and panting discontentedly.

In the corner of his eye, Tony noticed Bucky and Steve walking past him, smiling softly and winking at him. They really could never stop. Deep inside, Tony wanted to prove something to them, just kiss the boy, but when he looked into the dark brown round eyes, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Shall we go to the library? Talk?", asked the younger one quietly, pulled gently on his sleeve and then went with his neighbour into the room of books. Once there, Peter sat down with Tony at a table that was a bit more private and then looked at him gently. "I haven't known you long. In fact, yesterday was the first time we spoke. But... I feel like I've known you for years, it's weird. And I just want you to be happy... that you know that you can talk to me when something's wrong.. And you can even come over to me anytime.. We could sit in my room and do something. Play games or talk or just lie on my bed and... It sounds crazy, sorry."

"It doesn't sound crazy at all, it's rather nice. I'd love to come to your house sometimes and do stuff like that. Or invite you over to my place. You know, Peter, I like you. I really like you a lot and that scares me a bit," confessed Tony with an insecure smile on his lips. Peter struggled with himself for a few seconds, but then smiled and nodded in agreement at him.

"If you're coming for dinner tonight, we can go to my room afterwards.. if you want?"

Tony nodded quickly, maybe even a bit too quickly.

Tony smiled slightly at the unfamiliar man as he took off his backpack and put it on his lap as he sat in the Parkers' car. His friends, who were waiting for the bus as usual, looked at him in confusion and then grinned a little. He couldn't even remember when the last time was when he was picked up from school in a car and apparently you could see it in his face because Peter, who was sitting next to him, was smiling happily at him and if Tony was honest, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"So, Tony, I heard you're coming over for dinner later?", asked Mr. Parker him after a short time in which Tony and the boy were just looking at each other smiling.

The teenager looked up quickly and nodded at the man. "Yes sir, that's right. Um... thanks again for picking me up and, of course, for the dinner later."

"Wow, easy, boy. No problem. I'd really do anything to thank you for bringing my boy home. I still can't forgive myself." With clenched lips, the man kept driving, only looking back through the rearview mirror once in a while.

"Ben it wasn't your fault, okay? Your boss was giving you trouble again, you couldn't help it. I was safe with Tony, he even gave me his jacket." Peter talked about Tony as if he was head over heels in love with him, as if he wasn't even there right now and Tony only noticed much too late that he was grinning up to his ears.

"You're welcome, little lemon," muttered he with a smile, placing his hand delicately on Peter's knee, who widened his eyes a little, but then wrapped both his hands around Tony's wrist and smiled sweetly at him.

"'Little lemon,' sweet... Look, Pete, he even has a nickname for you already. I think you're gonna be great friends," said Ben as he rounded the last corner and pulled into the Parkers' parking lot. "All right, guys, get out and get in. May should have dinner ready by now."

"Oh eat already? I was counting on tonight... um, yeah, okay, well, then now." Tony scratched the back of his head slightly, then got out of the car with Peter and Ben and went into the house behind them, where it already smelled wonderfully of food.

"We're more like those people who eat lunch instead of dinner, so don't be surprised. I hope you don't mind," Peter asked the taller one quietly, looked up at him and seemed a bit anxious. He was apparently panicking that Tony maybe leave because he might not be hungry.

"And we talk about dinner all the time." Tony laughed briefly, then put his arm around Peter's shoulder and walked into the dining room with him. "No, that's okay, I'm hungry anyway."

The room wasn't really large, but therefore totally cosy and the brown, long table that was standing there seemed to have already gone through some moves. The chairs seemed to be comfortable, Peter also immediately dropped on one and knocked on the chair next to him, indicating to Tony to sit down as well, which he did directly. After a short time the woman from last night entered the room with a pot in her hands, which she placed on the table in front of Peter and Tony. May smiled happily at Tony, greeted him very briefly and then sat down on the chairs opposite of them with Ben.

"So Tony, how you doing, my boy? Why don't you get something to eat, come on. Have as much as you want." May took the big spoon and filled Tony's plate so that he thanked her overburdened and looked at Peter, who also put something on his own and started eating.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking." Tony smiled broadly, kept peeking over at Peter, eating carefully and full of manners.

Suddenly it became quiet in the room and the two boys looked up in wonder. May had a satisfied smile on her lips, exchanged a few glances with her husband, who nodded knowingly and shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth.

"Peter, my boy... Tony look at you like you're his entire world..", recognized she warmly, as warmly as Tony's cheeks after he had noticed how he had been staring at the boy the whole time.

"T-That's not true at all!" Tony tried to talk his way out, his cheeks should be as red as strawberries.

Peter's eyes fell on Tony's plate and he hesitated briefly before opening his mouth and quietly asked if he was finished and if they wanted to go to his room. He nodded quickly, apologized to the adults and then went upstairs behind Peter.

Tony tensed as he sat unsteadily on the edge of Peter's bed. The boy himself, meanwhile, grabbed all his dirty laundry off the floor and tossed it into some corner before scratching the back of his head in shame.

"I'm sorry.. about.. you know. I forgot to clean up..." Peter shyly clasped his hands in front of him and rocked back and forth unsteadily while he smiled slightly.

"That's okay. At least your room can still be considered as a room." A soft laugh escaped his throat and a moment later two brown eyes looked at him, squinted a bit because he had to grin too.

"Yours that bad?" The boy asked, tilting his head and grinning broadly.

"Oh darling, you have no idea. My room resembles a jungle and to be honest, I don't really feel like changing anything about it." Tony shrugged his shoulders indifferently, before he slid a little to the side to make room for the other, who now wanted to sit down on the bed as well. Unlike Tony, however, he crawled back to the wall, against he leaned with a smile.

"You don't have to sit there like that... Come here." Peter lightly tapped the mattress beside him with the flat of his hand, and after a moment's hesitation, the older one took a seat beside him.

He made himself a little more comfortable before looking down at the boy with a smile. Just a little, they were almost at eye level as they sat there like that. Peter bit his lower lip briefly and batted his eyelashes quickly as he tried to tear his gaze away from the other. Silence fell between them and when Tony realized that Peter would not be looking at him anytime soon, he gently took his chin with two fingers and delicately turned his head in his direction. His smile fell easily, so captivated was he by the eyes in front of him.

"So.. You gonna kiss me.. or?" Peter murmured softly as he got closer and closer to the teenager. Along the way, he tried to read the other's body language so as not to have misinterpreted anything.

"So you want me to kiss you?" Tony asked in a somber voice before carefully sliding his hand up Peter's leg to his hip to pull him even closer. "I mean.. we're both boys and..–"

"I don't care. Doesn't matter. I want it, kiss me." He took it in his own hands now and pulled Tony close so he could feel the other's breath on his lip. "Kiss me..."

Tony opened his mouth in surprise, clawing deeper with his fingers into flesh beneath him before making a tortured sound and placing his lips on Peter's. He wasn't sure if that had been the boy's first kiss, but instead of asking, he just pressed his lips to the ones in front of him again. Peter ran his delicate fingers into Tony's hair and tugged lightly on them, so he was separated from the younger one with parted lips.

"Wow..."

"Wow....."

"Um. Can we just... lie here a bit now? And do nothing? While Holding hands?"

"Yes.. Yes we can."

• T H E E N D •

Thank u for reading c:

[thehonestbanana]

I don't think some people (therapists included) understand that most peoples problems may be their families substance abuse. It's very traumatic for someone to live and grow up in an environment where one or both parents struggle with substance abuse and the same goes if they have an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or even cousin that exposes them to their substance abuse. In fact, it happens so often that it's normalized. Like smoking cigarettes for example, most people probably don't think its substance abuse, but yes it is. Especially if you're smoking around small children in a closed environment like right next to them or inside the house. However, smoking cigarettes is so normalized now that some people may not even stop and think "gee is this the same like guzzling down alcohol?" Or "is it okay to be somewhere with poor ventilation or where my small child will breathe or see it?". I worked at a gas station and besides it being so fucking dangerous to smoke there, people still smoked, especially in their cars with children in the back seat after buying 5 cartons of cigarettes (that was the limit and Idk how but the register was programmed not to let people use their card for more than 5 cartons and we weren't allowed to accept cash if they wanted to change the method of payment). Children are still growing, your damaging their bodies with 2nd hand smoke, and they see an adult doing it and odds are they will want to do it too. I remember being in elementary and kids use to pretend to fake smoke or do fake shots with small cups and juice. Like jesus, I remember a classmate mentioning that shit they learned in one of their classes and me all laughing nervously because my repressed memories of kids in elementary pretending to do that shit freaked me out. Ugh, sorry for the rant. I'm no therapist and i wouldn't like to be, but just the fact i know most people struggle with trauma of their families substance abuse always hits me the wrong way when people try brushing it off and saying shit cause people to to therapy.

Oh no no it’s fine anon I get it. I don’t think I have family members who have substance abuse problems? Maybe two but I don’t see them often, but I do hear other family members stories from when they dealt with them and they’re just so annoyed. Again that’s THEM. They don’t see these family members on a dail, so they aren’t super super effected but kinda. But I know how devastating and how harmful it can be first hand, seeing it everyday all day. Therapists SHOULD understand that too, that’s basic knowledge. It happens a lot and it’s upsetting :( substance abuse hurts everyone involved

The smoking thing pissed me off too. Like your kids can’t consent to that shit, they’re still babies and growing stop smoking in the car with them. That’s fucking terrible for them. This isn’t the 20��s anymore, we know smoking is bad for kids.

[thelastspeecher]

Hi! So like five months ago I sent you an ask about applying to grad school and you gave me a super amazing answer. And I'm back now because holy shit I got into grad school (CalArts for Creative Writing) and in the last one you said there was a whole 'nothing list of tips if you actually get into grad school? And I got in and I'm curious what the tips are? If there's anything you've learned in the last few months that changed your perspective on grad school? Thank you so much!

First off, congrats!  That’s a big accomplishment!  Grad schools in general are competitive, and big names like CalArts even more so.

So, you want my advice, eh?  Okay.  Let’s do this.

First step is getting organized.  You start in the fall (I’m assuming), so you have plenty of time.  Find out where important locations are on campus, familiarize yourself with the area you’ll be spending most of your time in (I’d focus on figuring out where the closest bathrooms and places to get food are, personally), and invest in a planner.  Keep that planner handy.  Use it.  It’s easier to stay organized if you start the semester that way than it is to try to organize yourself halfway through the semester.  Make a monthly budget.  Decide “I will spend X amount on groceries every time I go shopping”.  Keep track of the money in your bank account (a lot of banks have mobile apps that make this very easy).  Put some of your paycheck into a savings account every time.  You never know when you might need a nest egg.  Stay up to date on your medical needs (prescriptions, flu shots [for the love of god, get a flu shot], dentist appointments, yearly physicals).  You can definitely find resources at your school to help you with some of these tasks.  There is no doubt in my mind that you will be able to find a workshop on keeping a budget or other adult skills.  Attend workshops for new grad students.

Second, look into different support systems for students.  That means student-led organizations, departments that exist to keep the university complying with federal non-discrimination laws, and general resources.  Get a support system set up right away, particularly if you are going to be far from family.

Student-led organizations will be able to help you adjust and provide you a sense of community (particularly if you belong to a minority community).  Other grad students will be able to offer advice faculty or staff might not be able to.  Don’t isolate yourself!  That’s what I’ve been doing and it sucks!  The only reason I haven’t driven myself completely insane is because I have a roommate who happens to be my best friend.  If I could start over, I wouldn’t do what I did and avoid everyone because I was intimidated.  I would stroll into rooms with purpose and confidence that I am the baddest b*tch there.  Confidence gets you far in life, particularly in grad school.

“Departments that exist to keep the university complying with federal non-discrimination laws” is a very wordy way of saying the Title IX office, disability services, offices for students of color (schools typically have different offices for different racial minorities; find out which one is best suited for you), the LGBT resource center, and the like.  If you are part of a demographic minority, find out where you can locate help immediately.  If something goes wrong related to your status as a minority, you need to nip it in the bud RIGHT AWAY.

General resources are things like mental health services, university health services, survivor services, etc etc.  If you have any history of mental health issues or have been in therapy at any point in your life, I recommend jumping into counseling immediately, even if you feel like you don’t need it.  Just talking to a neutral party will help you more than you think.  Most schools offer free counseling for students, too.  If they don’t, then that’s really fucking weird, but they should be able to help you figure out a method for you to adjust smoothly without it being too much of a drain on your wallet.

Third, learn from my mistakes.  Good lord, learn from my mistakes.  I had a disastrous first semester at grad school.  I was overwhelmed, completely out of my depth, and the one thing I thought I was doing right I discovered I was actually completely fucking up.  I entered my second semester on academic probation and probation as a TA.  How do you learn from my mistakes?  A few ways.

The first time you TA (most grad students TA at some point), insist on someone observing you.  The department should automatically observe all TAs, particularly new ones, but it’s possible to slip through the cracks.  That happened to me.  The head TA was too busy to observe TAs my first semester, and I didn’t find out that I was a shitty TA until I was in a meeting with department and university head honchos, who were effectively accusing me of hating my students and hating being a TA and sucking in general.  That’s paraphrasing, and definitely not completely accurate, but that’s how the meeting felt to me.  I got by only because I explained to them “I am autistic, I struggle with new social situations”.  The extenuating circumstances in my situation allowed me to try to TA again, but this time with some accommodations and outside assistance.

Related: If you are disabled, disclose it to the department.  Disclose it to the higher-ups and the professor who will act as your advisor.  You don’t need to disclose it to anyone else, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to tell the people you will be working for.  Even if you have amazing coping skills, disclose it.  I’m damn good at pretending to be abled.  But my disabilities still bit me in the ass.  New situations and stress have a tendency of exacerbating symptoms.  You can’t expect everything to go smoothly.  And you can’t expect the department to hold your hand or even recognize what’s going on with you.  I’m the first diagnosed autistic grad student my department has ever had.  They had no clue how to handle that.  You’ll be going into a field that tends to be a bit more liberal than STEM (like my area of study), so you might not run into the issue of “uh we don’t know how to help you, please talk to some people at the office of equity”, but it’s best to find out sooner rather than later.

Related: If you are disabled, get your ass down to the disability services office and get accommodations.  Immediately.  Start the process over the summer.  Larger schools might have a more complicated process to get accommodations than smaller schools, so you need to get the ball rolling right away.  Even if you haven’t felt like you needed accommodations recently, get the ones you had in the past.  Don’t assume you’ll be fine without extra help.

Don’t take too many classes your first semester.  And make sure the ones you do take aren’t all super difficult.  I fucked up my first semester, bc I took three upper-level classes, two of them in chemistry.  Yeah, three doesn’t sound like much.  But when you’re juggling adjusting to grad school, starting up your thesis, and being a TA, three classes is a huge fucking amount of work.  I’d recommend two classes, maybe one of them difficult, the other one sort of medium difficulty.  Of course, you have to talk to your advisor for what works best for you, but I highly HIGHLY recommend starting off with a light class load your first semester.

When things start going south, bc they probably will at some point, don’t just keep your head down and try to force yourself through it.  Talk to the family members you are closest to (I’m very close with my parents, so I talk to them when I’m having issues, but it could be a sibling or an aunt or uncle or cousin).  Talk to friends.  Talk to a counselor (PLEASE get a counselor your first semester).  Talk to your advisor.  Talk to the other grad students in your department.  You should be able to find at least one shoulder to cry on, if not a whole bunch.

I said this before, but don’t isolate yourself.  Please don’t.  It’s easy to avoid people when you’re stressed.  Don’t do that.  Reach out to other grad students in your department.  Make friends.  Go with them to coffee shops.  I wouldn’t recommend starting out by going to bars, bc that can be a slippery slope, and you shouldn’t have friends who only have fun while they’re drinking (that’s not a healthy behavior).   My grad school has a really nasty drinking culture that contributed to my avoidance of other grad students, but hopefully yours doesn’t.  And even if it does, you should be able to find someone who won’t want to always go to the bar.

Fourth, be confident.  I said that before, but like the “don’t isolate” thing, it’s important.  I’ve always been a confident person.  I took a huge blow to my confidence when I started grad school, bc I felt like I was surrounded by people with more experience (which is an objective fact, but doesn’t always have to be a bad thing) and more knowledge and more accomplishments and who had their lives together.  I was intimidated, for one of the first times in my life!  I’ve always been a top-tier person, cream of the crop, A+ honors student, go-getter, award-winner.  But in grad school, literally everyone else is that, too.  And that’s not a bad thing!  Sure, some people might be braggy, but other people will be more humble.  Having all this experience in one location is good, bc it means you have more help.  You have people you can talk to who have connections, who have run into problems you might run into, who can offer a unique perspective on things.  That is SO GOOD.  And if you’re still intimidated, think of it like this: You got there, too.  You’re just as good as the other grad students, otherwise you wouldn’t be there.  You have just as much potential, even if you don’t have as much life experience.  You have something unique to offer to the school.  If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have been accepted.  And it’s not like everyone else actually has it together.  Some people might, but most of the other students will be as lost and nervous as you (esp other first year students).

Fifth, toot your own horn.  It’s related to being confident, but not quite the same.  Talk about your accomplishments.  Tell people what you’ve done.  Try not to come off too braggy, but don’t hide your light under a bushel.  You have to promote yourself if you want to get anywhere.  You’ve already succeeded at it once, since you got into grad school.  Keep it up!  Oh, and don’t be afraid to toot your own horn when someone else is making you feel intimidated.  I was at a thing where one guy kept going on and on about how he’d been to this country, and that country, and tried this wine and that food and yadda yadda yadda.  I got sick of it, so I cocked my head and stopped him in his tracks by asking him if he’d ever been to Kosovo.  He hadn’t.  He’d been to a million places, but there was one that I had him beaten on.  That was a huge confidence booster.  You have your unique experiences.  Share them.  And don’t be afraid to use them to stop a braggart from controlling a conversation.

Sixth, stay healthy.  Mentally and physically.  Walk most places (that’s how I get my exercise), bike, do yoga, jog, whatever.  Get some exercise.  Eat well.  Make your own meals, keep track of whether you’ve had a vegetable today.  See a counselor, vent to friends, write in a journal.  Most schools offer wellness workshops where students can learn how to keep themselves healthy.  Look into that, particularly if you struggle to eat well or keep stress down.

Seventh, take a short break if you need to.  Grad school culture is intense.  People work way too long for way too little recognition.  Stress kills.  Burn out can make you question your path.  Say no to a third side project your advisor wants you to do.  Take a day off, or an afternoon.  Take a long weekend.  Make sure that things won’t fall apart while you’re gone (in my case, I would get lab work done the day before), let your advisor know you won’t be coming in today for health reasons (you can keep it vague), and then spend your day doing anything but work on your thesis.  Don’t give in to stress and burn out.  It will wreck you.

Eighth, enjoy yourself!  Grad school can be hell, but it can also be fun!  You’re here to learn and gain experience and, hopefully, not hate every second of it.  My own grad school experience has been roughly 92% hell and 8% fun, but I wasn’t prepared when I came.  I did the opposite of hit the ground running.  I tripped and skinned my knees and my face and I’m still trying to catch up with everyone else.  Being prepared, reaching out to people who can help you adjust, those things will ensure your grad school experience goes more smoothly than mine.  Just don’t expect everything to go perfectly right off the bat.  It’ll take some time before you feel like you truly can enjoy yourself.

…That ended on a weird note, but I hope it was helpful.

You’ve got this!  Best of luck!

[sunnystark]

do you have any marvel fics that you'd recommend i'm kind of running out of fics to read, thanks :)

 YAY fic recs are so fun to make honestly thank you! also, i’m pretty much stevetony and specifically tony stark trash so these fics are either superfamily tony stark centric or stevetony. Some are gonna be tumblr format and others are on AO3, if the author is physically linked through a tag that means it’s tumblr format.

For the Tony Centric fics, I’ve put the ship (If it has one) in the summary section, but if it’s in the tony centric area the ship isn’t reeeally that explicit, like it’s either implied, hardly mentioned, or not the main theme of the fic.

for fics that are tumblr posts and don’t have a title I’ve put my favorite line (or just a line that pretty much describes the fic) as the title. 

Platonic Superfamily fics

“You’re Supposed to Be Better Than Me” || by @itsallavengers

“It was just a party,” Peter mumbled, “it’s not like you can talk. Everyone knows what you were like. So why the fuck are y-”

“Because you’re supposed to be better than me!” 

Dating 101 as Described by Tony Stark || by @itsallavengers

“I got a date!” Peter finally got a word in, saying the words a little loudly and then immediately pulling his head up, trying to hear if Aunt May had been woken up from it. The walls were fairly thin, after all.

“I got a date,” he whispered again, when he was sure his Aunt hadn’t been disturbed, “but… I don’t know anything about dating, and I’ve been sat here trying to think about how to go about it for about seven hours now and-”

“I’m sorry,” Tony said, sounding irritated, “are you saying that you called me, at 2 in the morning, to ask me how to take someone on a date?”

“Suck It, Howard Stark” || by @orbingarrow

“No, you don’t have to do that, Dr. Stark.  It’s– I know you’re busy,” Peter says.  "It’s not really that important.“Tony knows a lie when he hears one.  Peter’s lying his ass off.“Yeah, I am busy,” Tony agrees.  "Which is why you should use this time wisely and fess up quickly.  What’s the help?“

Friends Protect Each Other || by @transpeter

Flash swears at Ned, but Ned just punches Flash and tells him in a really low voice to “leave Peter alone” and that…. just shakes Peter. Nobody besides his aunt and uncle have called him Peter yet, everyone else deadnames him. It’s almost surreal to be hearing somebody else call him Peter, especially someone he’s never really spoken to.

Just a Spiderman Sickfic || by @toosicktoocare

When Ned fails to get Peter to rest, he goes to the one person he knows will get Peter to listen: Tony Stark.

Stevetony Fics

Touch || by @cptxrogers

Once the team succeeds in bringing Tony back from the magical dimension he’s been trapped in, Steve can’t stop touching him. He doesn’t even notice he’s doing it at first, the way he places a friendly hand on Tony’s shoulder when they’re going through a briefing, or how he’ll bump their elbows together when they’re walking the corridors of the tower.

I’m Hot Like the Prodigal Son || by @ironmanned

*over a grocery store PA*will the owner of the jet black maserati please fuck me

Taking Matters Into One’s Own Hands || by @cptxrogers

Steve just really loves jerking off.

For the “kink: masturbation” square on my stony bingo card.

“You Are Precious, Tony, Hush.” || @itsallavengers

steve always sleeps on the side of the bed facing the door “bECAUSE YOU ARE PRECIOUS TONY HUSH” okay but one if one night while they were asleep baddies did break in to try and snatch tony but were met with 240 pounds of kickass 

The Jar || by Sineala

The Avengers are ridiculously competitive people, and what starts out as a silly late-night team discussion quickly becomes a contest: their names. Not the code names – the nicknames. Who can go the longest without using them? They pledge to spend a week not nicknaming each other, and they’ll pay up every time they mess up. This hits Tony the hardest, and not just financially. Tony’s got a lot of nicknames for everyone, but most of all for Steve – and when Tony can’t use the names he’s already got, the names he uses reveal feelings he had no idea he had.

Love the Sin, Love the Sinner || by silkspectred

It keeps happening. Not often, just once or twice a month, but it keeps happening. Always in the same way: it’s unplanned, sudden, unexpected, Steve is surprised and eager, his dick goes from zero to one hundred in two seconds, Tony’s touch is electric, everything he does drives Steve crazy, but he never lets Steve kiss him, he very rarely looks Steve in the eye, he never talks, never makes a sound when he comes, never mentions it later.

Tony Centric

“He Was Home.” || by @rowantreewrites (insp. original post by @kayvsworld

Every time Tony Stark smiles, a star is formed to make the night sky brighter.

And the Stars are Too Much || by @magpiewords

“Oh no.” Tony managed to mumble before everything seemed to fade away. Like his body went offline, he couldn’t move, couldn’t look away. He knew the stars weren’t getting closer, knew the wide expanse of space wasn’t somehow closing in on him. No matter how much he knew, logical was useless against this.

**steve/tony

Hide a Heart of War || by RayShippouUchiha

“You’ve got war in your heart boy,” Howard sneers, “don’t ever try and pretend to be anything but what you are.”

Tony feels the familiar burn of a flower mark being etched into his skin but he doesn’t look, doesn’t try and check to see what it is. Instead he keeps his eyes on Howard and his hands cupped around his bleeding mouth and nose.

**steve/tony/bucky

[sidenote: if anyone knows of any more tony stark centric fics that either don’t have ships or the ship isn’t a main element of the fic, PLEEEASE let me know dude those fics are SUCH GOOD SHIT honestly they’re my favorites. like even if u write them, they could be 100 word long ficlets tAG ME IN THAT SHIT]