#me to buddy dawn now and me to him an episode ago

[sapphicmuppet]

feeling very very emotional over Buddy dawn rn. A kid who despite not liking Kristen or the Bad Kids, still volunteered to revive them during the last stand. A kid with complete trust in his religion and peers, who died alone by being slashed in the throat before he could realize what was happening, by someone he trusted. People he trusted hiding behind lies and hurting people and killing him in the process (Bobby, kipperlilly). “Helio wouldn’t have let that happen”. Kristen who died on the first day of school, with no intervening miracle. Buddy who was completely devoted to his god and was brutally murdered by his friend, no time left for saving throws. Buddy who is a complete reflection of who Kristen was and who she would continue being if she never questioned her religion. Helio who didn’t intervene when she died, and was only spared because of people she met hours ago, Buddy dying without any miracle or saving throw, by someone he had been led to trust for months. someone hold me actually.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 6

Post Shrimp Jump Conspiracy Board Special

Hey y’all! Welcome back to Seacaster Manor where the shrimp party is still raging and the Bad Kids are balancing being cooler than ever with some serious sleuthing. We get a lot of new information this episode so I wanted to try out a new format for this week. I often talk in a metaphorical way about putting items up on a Conspiracy Board but I want to actually try that now that we’re a little over a quarter of the way in and have multiple overarching things happening. This is going to be a lot less linear than usual but bear with me. Gotta shake things up a little so I don’t get burnt out! There’s still fourteen more episodes to go! 

The Rat Grinders

The Bad Kids’ de facto rival party got a lot of screen time in this episode, which makes sense: Adaine declared the party their nemeses over Goldenhoard or anyone else they’ve fought, which is saying a lot. Before this point, we knew the following facts about them:

1) They got their name because the only enemies they’re recorded as killing are low level ones (including rats) that they grind in the woods behind the school, showing a willingness to follow the letter but not spirit of the rules but also an impressive amount of dedication. 

2) Their leader seems to be rogue, Kipperlily Copperkettle who is type A as hell and has a LOT of free time to kill having found the rogue professor (or at least having the rogue professor find her). She’s running for class president on a platform based around “fairness” which is a theme that’s come up more than once this season. 

3) Also on the team are emo Bard Reuben (who seems to be related to the new Artificing teacher and who shares an agent with Fig) and nonplussed Barbarian Mary Ann (who is buffing herself magically somehow).

4) Kipperlily specifically asked about where Kristen was able to create a new god. Now how, where. An odd question. 

This episode, we learned a lot more, so let's throw them on the board and make some connections!

5) The Rat Grinders have a new cleric named Buddy Dawn (something Kristen’s brother mentioned two episodes ago). He’s from Highcourt and moved with his grandparents. He’s got super Mormon+Southern “Bless Your Heart” energy and Kristen doesn’t like how familiar it feels. His vibes are clocked as well meaning but kinda judgey. 

6) Buddy Dawn was *specifically requested* by the party. Of course, requesting a cleric isn’t weird–why wouldn’t you want one? And Helioism seems a pretty common religion in the region so odds are good that if you get a cleric is would be a Helioic one. But, paired with KP’s question about Kristen, it makes you wonder if the plan is to recruit a Kristen expy and try to get lightning to strike twice.  

7) At the beer pong table, we meet the RG’s archer who is an elf named Ivy Embra. She’s got some flirty, catty energy (which we see when she interacts with Fabian and Mazey respectively).

8) We also meet the party wizard, Oisin Hakinvar, who is a Conjuration specialist with a focus in summoning. He’s a blue dragonborn which means that he has a great great great (etc) blue dragon ancestor he can ping when he needs barrels of diamonds, no problem. He has so many in fact that when Adaine lies badly that she’s also swimming in diamonds, he kindly offers to let her borrow some of his “extras”. But she turns them down, calls him great, and then panics and runs away to commiserate with Fabian who is also panicking about a flirty moment with Ivy. Oisin, for his part, seems driven to distraction and can’t make a single other shot all night. Cute! But–

9) As much as I want to wholeheartedly love Oisin (and honestly do and will until I am given direct evidence to change my mind) I have to point out that KVX, known evil bank, did change its logo from red (Goldenhoard’s color) to blue (Oisin’s Ancestor’s color) and there is a shot in the trailer of the party fighting a blue dragon. Connected? Maybe.

10) From investigating some yearbooks, the party also learns that the Rat Grinders have existed since Freshman Year but, at the time, they were called the High Five Heroes. They all look a lot more smiley and a lot less intense–Rebuen’s not even emo. It was the lineup from above, minus Buddy and plus a frost Genasi cleric named Lucy Frostblade. They learn that she supposedly died in their Sophomore year but specifically during a period near the end of the year where grades are locked and it wouldn’t affect their party comp which is…convenient. 

11) Fig tries to investigate this by disguising herself as Lucy and seeing how Ivy and Oisin react. Only Ivy sees her but she doesn’t seem shocked at all to see her allegedly dead party member She just raises an eyebrow and ditches the game to talk to her. Fig bails (and rolls only a 12 to stealth away) so we don’t get any extra info but just the fact that Ivy reacted that way is pretty juicy info as is.  

12) The other Rat Grinders don’t seem to be at the party but the members are skeptical about that. On the other hand, when Ivy leaves, it’s because Oisin pulls her aside and says, “Kipperlilly’s calling”. So it’s possible there was a Team A and a Team B for whatever the Rat Grinders were doing that night?

13) And speaking of what they're doing, we do have a theory. When Fabian checks some damage in the basement where Max and some other kids were smoking "gorgenfern" he sees that something called a cloud rider engine was smashed up pretty bad and in a suspicious way–gorgenfern doesn’t make you rowdy. Fabian checks the security tapes he obviously has and sees that some ice mephits came in and riled people up to the point of crashing into the engine. Adaine conjured some earlier in the party and as far as her arcana check can tell, they’re here, but there’s suspicion that Oisin–a conjuration wizard–could have done it. It’s certainly within his skillset. A cloud rider engine allows a vehicle to fly on clouds and it’s not clear if it was simply smashed or if something was stolen from it. 

14) Max isn’t a Rat Grinder but he did ask them all if they wanted to smoke with him and Ivy offered Fabian snuff so Riz is suspicious that the RG’s are trying to get them kicked out of school for drug use now that they have a non-Aguefort principal who presumably cares about silly rules like that at the murder school. 

That’s basically what we know about the Rat Grinders! So, to sum it up, I’d say the conspiracy board bullet points are:

Supposedly dead cleric Lucy Frostblade: What actually happened to her and why isn’t Ivy surprised to see “her”?

New cleric Buddy Dawn: Why was he specifically requested? 

The High Five Heroes: What caused them to turn into the Rat Grinders? And, as they seem like they were more gung ho their first year, why did they never pivot to fighting things other than low level monsters?

Do they actually have beef with the Bad Kids specifically or are their vibes just terrible? Were they trying to sabotage them by offering drugs? Did they break the engine on purpose and, if so, why?

Oisin: Is he chill or is he working an angle? That question technically goes to Ivy as well but I’m almost certain she’s fully working an angle, lol. I’m getting straight up Aelwyn vibes from her.

Class President: What is KP’s angle re: running for class president? This seems like something she’d want to do either way with her personality but her policy of fairness dovetails too neatly with Grix’s appearance and Cassandra’s inability to say the phrase, “It’s not fair,” last episode.

How did KP find the rogue professor and is that relevant?

And finally, why did KP want to know about where Kristen created her Freshman year god? Well, that question may be partially answered in our next section. 

God Stuff

There is a lot going on this season with celestial shenanigans between Cassandra and Galicaea and even Yes! So let’s mark out what we know.

1) Cassandra was possessed by some kind of rage entity via crystal shards that were expelled from her body. Her status is kind of up in the air right now as the party was shunted away to safety by Connor Counterspell (RIP) and all Kristen has left of Cass are some glowing, purple shards. 

2) Earlier in the fight, while lucid, Cassandra said, “I thought you were dead” about some unseen entity. Later, Kristen heard from a creepy voice that said, “She is at my side once more”. It then threatened her and slid out the rotting corpse of Yes! as a sick joke. Likely that these are the same person or at least connected. 

3) Gorgug identified that the rage stars are similar to what’s going on with Ragh’s mom, Lydia so it was put on the docket to get in touch with her about that–especially because Kalina specifically told them to track down Ragh with her last lucid words. 

4) Tracker’s Galicaea rebrand is going really well. Her social media is really popping and the endless night probably didn’t hurt. 

5) Kristen on the other hand, hasn’t been doing so hot. Due to a bunch of negligence based in lack of time management and personal uncertainty, she hasn’t been evangelizing much which means only she and Craig stand between Cass and her permanent destruction. 

6) Kristen can’t contact Cass telepathically and says she can’t use her magic which is Not Great if you're as danger prone as the Bad Kids. 

Alright, that’s all the old business so let’s move to the new business. 

7) When Kristen talked to her parents, we learned that Helio doesn’t have a chosen one since she left but we learn that it’s more serious than that. Helio also can’t choose a new chosen one. He only gets one. With Kristen gone, the whole religion is without a chosen one.

8) At a certain point, Tracker finally gets a hold of Kristen and says some harsh but true things about Kristen but, more relevant to the conspiracy board, she talks about her girlfriend Nara and Adaine, as a fellow high elf, clocks her as coming from a family of moon goddess clerics in Falinel. That raises the question: is this run of the mill teenage rebellion a la the theme song, or is she some kind of plant? We’ll hopefully get some more info from Aelwyn since Adaine texted her about it.

9) The real juicy stuff happens when we talk to Ragh’s mom. The fiend in Lydia's gem is called Bakur. Her having him in there doesn't make her rage--she's raging to keep him trapped but that's it. Her personality is the same. 

10) Bakur was a pit fiend and the right hand guy of a dead god whose name we don't know (hmm, another dead and nameless god). Bakur can't even say the god's name. It's like, weird god rules and Lydia explains in a weird vague way: gods not being able to use loopholes and saying names being powerful and rules changing for non-mortals when gods die.

11) The one very concrete info we get is that a god can only come back in a place where they were born or created. The reason Bakur’s plan failed is that he tried to bring back the nameless god in the Red Waste and not where they were created. 

12) Rana (Lydia’s party cleric) is away and Cormyr (the party sorcerer) is dead but Lydia offers to put the party in touch with Rana and Cormyr’s family because they have more stuff related to this and they were the ones who knew more about this than her. 

Following? Good. So let’s distill this down to bullets again:

Holy Helio. The corn god doesn’t have a chosen one anymore because Kristen up and left. What does that mean in a concrete sense? What can a chosen one do that a normal cleric can’t? Is Helio gonna ask Kristen to do anything this season now that we know that this is a special position that only one person can fill? Is it until she dies (or at least dies for real)? Would a fanatical Helioic person try and kill Kristen to open up that slot?

KP specifically asking WHERE Cassandra was created seems clearly tied to the info Lydia gave about only being able to resurrect a god where it was created. But what does that mean exactly? Is she trying to resurrect the same god as Bakur? Did she just assume that wherever Kristen made her god is probably where most gods are made and, thus, her best bet? What’s her angle? Is this an evil plan for just a “this will get me a good grade” plan?

Where in the world is Cassandra right now? She is MIA right now which means Kristen’s powers are too. Though I wonder if she can draw on those shards to cast spells.

We obviously can’t be sure but it seems like the voice Kristen heard and the person that Cass thought was dead is likely that unnamed god. What’s his deal? I’m sure we’ll have more info for this bullet soon. 

Is Tracker’s new girlfriend Nara, much like Ecaf, a turncoat? 

With Helio, Cass, and Galicaea all being in the mix, is there any kind of family angle being played. It doesn’t come up a ton but they are very much related. 

MISC

This is a section for a few points that don’t yet fit under the main two headings of the season but still need to go up on the board. 

Why would Aguefort program a robot that acts like Grix? Is he supposed to be like or is he hacked? If he is hacked, who would be able to do that? The new artificing teacher? The old one?

We learn that Aguefort has made a lot of contradicting proclamations and all of them are canon, so you’re able to pick and choose what you want to cite (I feel like I’m in law school again). Lots of room for loopholes which could be useful later. 

Adaine, while very drunk, had an oracle vision of Kristen at a birthday party, giving a victory speech to a bunch of teens on election night as a crescent moon hangs in the sky. The Crescent moon potentially gives them a time frame if they look into it (and it specifically being mentioned makes me think of Galicaea even though not every moon thing has to be connected to her). And we know Gorgug’s birthday is near the Frosty Folk festival so maybe that’s why the hats.

Speaking of, we know there’s a connection between Riz’s mom defending someone for money crimes re: that Festival and Gorgug’s parents hosting it so that’s something to remember. 

This isn’t something for the pin board per se but this season introduces a stress token system for downtime! I’m sure I’ll talk about it more when we use it for the first time next ep but, for now, gotta say he’s really ramping up the pressure on our kids! And, to that point, let’s do a quick check in with everyone and see what they’re up against!

Character Board

Adaine

-Adaine is still facing major money troubles. After last episode, not only is her job terminated, but she actually owes 2.5 gold for her uniform. 

-It looks like she might be developing a bit of a crush on the cute dragonborn (yay) but he’s a Rat Grinder (nooooo). I will say though, cross party romance could be a lot of fun and also my favorite NPC in this show is Aelwyn whose top 2 traits are famously Criminal and Loves Adaine so I am honestly fine with this either way lol. 

-Speaking of Aelwyn, I’ll put the sister stuff together: When Adaine calls her to ask for dirt on Nara she says, “Working, will call in five.” And when Adaine questions the fact that it's 5am on a Saturday, Adaine just gets a winky face emoji back. Suspicious! 

Fabian

-Fabian has to juggle the new 150% course load (bard/fighter) as well as his new party house reputation.

-He has a lack of adult supervision which also means a lack of adult care and it seems to be affecting him more than he’s willing to let on. 

-But honestly his biggest obstacle is probably himself right now, lol. He made himself a new nemesis in Gertie Bladshield and I am not confident he can handle this honey trap mission with Ivy without the tables being turned on him. 

Riz

-Riz is also facing money troubles, but for him that’s kind of business as usual unfortunately.

-He has a TON of extracurriculars to keep track of but he so far seems to be handling it pretty well and is picking up some interesting allies (that double as votes for Kristen’s campaign–campaign manager is also an extracurricular he’s taken up): the aforementioned Gertie Bladeshield (Apiary Club), Sprak LeFevre (Aviation Club), and Molman Holden (Soil Club). Always good to have new allies and Aviation Club seems like it could be really useful later! I can see him making some luck checks to successfully say, “I know a guy” in a tight spot based on how many clubs he’s joined. 

-He also has the Reliable Talent ability now which means he’s incapable of rolling lower than a 21 on things he’s proficient in which includes Investigation. We’re about to be getting some INSANE lore dumps. 

Gorgug

-Gorgug has his insane 400% courseload happening and I didn’t notice this until it was pointed out to me but Zac actually leveled Gorgug DOWN in Barbarian to take an extra level of Artificer! That’s commitment. But I can’t imagine Porter, who already has a problem with him, is gonna like that. 

Fig

-Fig would hate it if I didn’t start this list by saying that she hella misses Ayda and that’s her biggest problem. 

-But she also has her album to worry about and we actually get the bombshell during a conversation with Mazey that she’s not even sure that she still wants to be a bard.

-On top of that, she’s taking Barb and Warlock classes along with the Bard classes she’s finally going to. 

-She has her gnarly Gilear curse happening that’s seemingly connected to whoever the boss who owns the pride armor is. 

-She has beef with Rebuen and is living her double life as Wanda Childa to try and learn whatever she can about him/the Rat Grinders. 

-Both she and Wanda are wanted by the Solace FBI.  

-On a positive note, she really endeared herself to Mazey by sweetly sticking up for her when Ivy was being catty. If Fig wasn’t so devoted to Ayda I could have read their interaction at the end of the ep as flirty. Regardless, nice moment and great ally. 

Kristen

-Welp, her god is, if not dead, MIA which is arguably the biggest deal of anything on any of these lists, especially since it’s tied to her magic AND her grade. 

-Next of course is the potato to her meat on her plate: her campaign. But that’s actually going really well, especially after this party. Her biggest issue is whether or not she can get Fetty Wap to homecoming and, lbr, in a pinch Fig can just disguise herself as him. When has that ever not worked?

-She also has this unnamed god (or whoever it is) taunting her and threatening her specifically which isn’t ideal. 

-But I honestly think she was more fucked up by the conversation which Tracker where her ex basically outlined everything she needs to get together in her life and then posted a pre-written pic with her new girlfriend. That’s gotta sting. 

And that’s it! I wanted to focus on the specific nuggets of info we got this episode and start to connect them with what we knew so far. Different format, I know, but I’m feeling experimental this season and I might switch it up a few more times as Junior Year goes on. I love covering Fantasy High but, like I said at the top, I have to keep it fresh so I don’t burn out. See you next time when Brennan makes the stress we’re all feeling an actual game mechanic! Fun!

[kalamataolivesssss]

Luca x female reader

Luca can’t help but fall in love with rockers best friend who shows up with him as his plus one so he just wasn’t alone,she seemed like a day of ray of sunshine with a handful of sarcastic comments.

But he was the only one to see when someone lit fireworks she had went inside having followed her to see she had her head behind her knees covering her ears, he’s heard hondo talking about it but he’s never seen ptsd until now when she realizes the girl he was falling for served alongside hondo

----------------------------------------

I love this! This is my first submission so go easy on me. Thanks for the submission @gekzbs

Going to change a few things: Our gal of the hour won’t have served with Hondo in Somalia, I was thinking Iraq or Afghanistan to make her more around Rocker’s age group. I’m also going to have them meet at Deac and Annie’s Vow renewals. And the afterparty had fireworks? I just rewatched that episode so it’s fresh in my brain. And the gif is from that episode. Luca in that suit >>>>>> 

Warnings: Talk/description of Combat PTSD, Mild language, bad grammar cause I don’t proofread. 

Luca x Female Reader 

This is the dress I was picturing our [yn] in.

Luca had just finished helping Chris tie on name cards to all the chairs at the venue when the first guests started to arrive. Tan showed up with his new girl for everyone to meet. Mumford was next, some other of the 50 David team, and Annie and Deacon’s friends from church started trickling into the venue. Luca, being Luca, hopped around from group to group, talking with everyone, checking in, and making jokes as always. His heart stopped for a moment as the ultimate babe walked in next to Rocker. All tanned skin wrapped in a butter yellow dress. 

That’s not Rocker’s wife. Luca thought to himself.

Rocker must have said something dumb, cause next thing Luca saw was her punching his shoulder and laughing at him. Her laugh lit up her whole face, it was mesmerizing for Luca to see. He decided to approach the odd pair. “Whoa there Rocker, not smart to bring a woman who isn’t your wife around here. People might be asking questions.” 

Rocker was too stunned to speak, while he was trying to stutter out a reply, the girl in question stepped in. “I’d chop his balls off if he so much as looked at another woman, don’t worry.” She held out her hand for Luca to shake, “my name is [y/n]”

She’s sassy too. I love it. He took her hand and shook it, “named Luca. What are you doing here with a scrub like Rocker?”

Rocker finally found the words to speak. “She’s a friend of mine and [wife’s name], she just moved here about 4 months ago. [wife’s name] couldn’t come today so she thought this would be a good opportunity to have her introduced to some of our other friends.”

Luca smiled, “the more the merrier. Welcome to the party. It’s nice to meet you.”

“You as well. Do you work in SWAT with Donovan?” 

Donovan rolled his eyes, “Nah, he’s on the other squad. Not as badass as ours.”

“Oh hold up hold up, If my memory serves me right, it was 20 David that won the Dusk Till Dawn race, not 50 David.” 

[y/n] tipped her head back and cackled, “oh that’s rich.” 

Luca smiled at her, “So how did you guys meet?” 

“I teach self defense classes downtown that [wife’s name] goes to. We hit it off and we’ve been buddies since then.” 

Over Luca’s shoulder, Mumford was calling for Rocker, “Shit, do you wanna go with me or..?” 

“Nah, I’ll stay here, I’ll find you later Donvan.” 

“Alright, Luca, behave.” 

Luca rolled his eyes and shoved Rocker in Mumford’s direction, “get out of here already.” 

She chuckled, “he’s so full of it sometimes.” 

“All the time.” 

She beamed a smile, “you’re right, all the time.”

“So what got you into self-defense?”

[y/n] shrugged, “Friend of a friend was looking for a new instructor, so I decided to make the move. I’m going to school to get my health and wellness degree before moving on to something else. I just kind of go with the flow now.” 

“That’s the best way to go. Come on, I want to introduce you to some people.” Luca put his hand on her back as they maneuvered through the crowd, the silky fabric running through his fingers. She was phenomenal, quick witted and could dish it as well as receive it when talking to Luca’s friends. 

When they got to Hondo he remarked on a tattoo she had on her left forearm. “How long did you serve for?” 

What the hell is Hondo going on about? Luca looked between [y/n] and Hondo, she smiled at Luca and showed him her left forearm. A black snake was traveling along her arm, with the head ending just before the bend of her elbow. On the serpent's back the words ‘This We’ll Defend’ curved with its body. The slogan for the US Army. “I got it after my second tour in Iraq along with the rest of my squad.” 

“That’s a sick design you got there. How long did you serve?” 

“I did three tours in total before calling it 10 months ago. I never wanted to make a career out of the Army.” 

Hondo nodded, “I get that. Ever think of police work?” 

She shook her head, “I respect what you guys do, it’s brutal. I’m looking for something different for myself.” 

Deacon yelled above the crowd, “alright everyone, Annie and Jessica just got here. Places everyone.” Everyone got to their seats, Luca sat himself right beside [y/n] not wanting to leave her side. 

He leaned over to her and whispered, “have you ever been to one of these before?” 

“No, but I’m assuming they’re like any other ceremony.” 

After Annie announced that she was pregnant with her and Deacon’s fourth child the crowd cheered. [yn] looked up at Luca, “not that I’m assuming doesn’t happen often.” Luca tipped his head back and laughed at that. 

—---------------

The afterparty was a blast. The venue had the classics blasting and [yn] and Luca danced together for most of the night, too caught up in each other to notice the knowing smirks among the 20 and 50 david teams. 

Near the end of the event someone made an announcement for a small firework show that would take place in the next five minutes. If Luca wasn’t glued to [yn’s] side, he would have missed her tensing up. She nudged his shoulder, “I think it’s time to pack it in, I should go find Donovan so I have a ride back into town.” 

“It is getting pretty late. I’ll help you find him.” Sure he was disappointed that she had to leave, but he was revving himself up to ask for her number, or what gym she worked at so he could see her again. As they moved through the crowd, the bright smile [yn] had been wearing all night disappeared into a look of worry. Luca’s brows furrowed, “you all good?” 

[yn] kept looking around, searching for Rocker with no luck. “I’m fine Luca, I just -” 

BOOM 

Luca’s head snapped around to see the bright gold fireworks light up the night sky and spiral out among the stars. When he turned back around toward [yn] he couldn’t find her. 

Where did she go? 

Luca moved quickly through the mass of people, looking for a slip of yellow when he ran into Rocker. “Shit Luca, what happened to ‘keep your head on a swivel’?” 

“Have you seen [yn]? She disappeared when the fireworks started. She was looking for you.” 

Rocker shook his head, “no, I’ll check out here, go check inside of the venue. I’ll text you if I find her.” 

Nodding he went inside the venue, searching between tables and looking in all the open doors he found. He was really starting to get worried when he heard sniffling coming from the last door. Approaching it slowly, Luca put his ear to the wall in time to hear another muffled cry. He all but tore the door open, all to look down and see [yn] with her back against the wall and knees tucked up to her chest. 

PTSD? Luca’s mind was racing, trying to remember what Hondo had mentioned before. 

“When I first got out, the smells, the sounds, the shockwaves, would put me in fight mode… and I love fireworks. It took some time - a few years maybe, before I could enjoy a fourth of July show with my mama again.” 

Kneeling in front of her, he put his hands over hers that were muffeling her ears. He spoke as calmly as he could to her, “hey, [yn]? You’re safe, we’re at the venue remember? The sounds are only fireworks.” 

[yn] finally looked up at him, tears still in her eyes, “this is not a combat zone.” 

He shook his head, “we’re as far away as we can be.” He stood in front of her and held out his hands, “Come on, I’ll take you home ok? I’ll keep you safe.” 

She sniffled and wiped at her eyes before putting her shaky hands in his. She’ll be ok. Luca will make sure of it. 

[thepalaceofjake]

The Final Buzzer: I'll Miss You, Dad

Ever since I can remember, 7pm was time for ‘Wheel of Fortune’ in my house. When ‘The Wheel’ was on it was time to shut up and let dad watch it. He would solve most puzzles and was pretty amazing at it. Yesterday, as we waited for the gentleman from the funeral home to come pick up my dad from the house, a little while after he passed, we sat there with him and watched one final episode together.  My dad died yesterday.  I had to say goodbye to my hero, my best friend and the greatest man I’ve ever known.  My dad was unable to get a puzzle right yesterday (granted I’m sure he was answering them all from above). My brain wasn’t working, I didn’t get one right either. However, as we waited there next to him — crying, trying to relax and having moments of hyperventilating wishing this was all some cruel nightmare — the final puzzle began.  I sat there with my brother and sister and we watched. I held on to my dad’s arm, and of course, I couldn’t guess it.  The answer: THE FINAL BUZZER It was dad’s time to go. And I couldn’t think of a more beautiful and poetic way to have a final moment in the house with him.

As much as this hurts, as angry as I am, as sad as I am and as fearful as I am that I may never be able to move forward from this loss, I have to understand that my dad gave us everything he had until The Final Buzzer. My dad gave us EVERYTHING. Not just from the moment he was diagnosed with blood cancer almost three years ago, but literally everything from the moment he came into this world.

He was the provider for our family. He was the protector.  He helped others and was always generous.  He made our lives so easy. He never made anything about himself, it was always about taking care of our family.

When my grandma became ill, he would spend entire days with her, multiple days a week — on schedule. Even after his health had taken turns for the worse with other issues back around 2009. He never missed those days — God willing.  He always put his family first.  If there’s one thing I’ve tried to take from him, it’s that.

Don’t worry, Dad — I pace around the house shutting lights off and letting Dawn know she left them on all the time. I got that from you, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with myelodysplastic syndrome back in 2019, we knew the outcome was not good. It pretty much sucked all the energy out of him. For almost three years, he went to every single treatment and continued to fight.

Selfishly, as time moved on, I had just prayed and prayed he would make it to mine and Dawn’s wedding. There were many days I did not think that would be the case. The night of our rehearsal dinner he was rushed to the emergency room. Amazingly, he made it. He looked incredible and he was finally able to be around extended family and friends. He hung in there until about 10pm that night. It was the greatest day of my life for so many reasons.

Deep down inside, I know he fought for that. That’s who he was. He was always there when you needed him. Always. If I had to list examples, we’d be here forever.

I’m so sad right now. I can’t stop crying. And I don’t think this pain will ever go away.

(my dad used to always send me emails with caps lock on)

DAD, YOU WERE THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED. AS MUCH AS I AM HURTING, I FEEL MORE GRATEFUL AND THANKFUL FOR HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE FOR AS LONG AS I DID. YOU GAVE THIS WORLD THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF, AND FOR 38 YEARS, I WAS SO LUCKY TO HAVE THE GREATEST DAD ALWAYS BY MY SIDE. I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I COULD EVER PUT INTO WORDS. THERE IS NO MORE SUFFERING. YOUR FINAL BUZZER IS TAKING YOU HOME, BUT I KNOW YOU’RE ALWAYS RIGHT HERE. I LOVE YOU.

-YOUR “LITTLE BUDDY” JOCKO.

[castle-dominion]

c3x13 knockdown

Ooh! A plot-heavy episode!

Raglan...

Ooh he changed his mind about self cide

Girl she is a cop

The things you notice, getting ready to kys, you notice

& that’s why you’re coming clean now? six months? (I wonder what happened in the AU that castle got sent to)

That’s cops for ya (I made it link by link, he says to beckett) it is Not Only her case, it is what happened AROUND it

Wow it’s already been a year since dick coonan? I mean ig... He did leave for the summer... Been 19 years

Oof this music is good. They spell it dominoes, interesting.

Oh gosh! Dang this guy dead! Where did the bullet hit him tho if it shot his coffee cup & got blood on beckett? (She just has ber radio on her?) One lincoln 40 you never actually repeated your last transmission

RM: An ex-cop gunned down in front of one of my own people. I’m going to have to do a press conference. Tell me you didn’t come down here without backup. (blurred in the background you can see ryan & esposito hear this & come over) KR: We were backing her, captain. JE: We were just uh, down the block when it happened. RM: Yeah uh-huh.  I like RM’s outfit today.  (won’t clip?) (Monty gets castle as HIS backup ten episodes later, not rly spoilers dw)

I love roy sm, I love his relationship with kate, I love how he’s another dad to her. You’re going to pick up those scissors & run around the house with them Pimoté, kaya pimpahta. Walk, don’t run. 

Yo that’s a cool hairspray thing. I remember playing games like that at camp, you had to go through a string maze without touching any & they were covered in glowstick goo so they could see if it got on you.  I love Ryan’s scarf & the way he says “You got it” all soft for kate. (also monty’s scarf) Castle sees it like this, right now, in this way. I just got a really intense memory while writing that. Hoo. I wish I had taken a pic tbh. (but didn’t he see coonan also die last year?) Girl you’re heading to the 12th? U got a change of clothes there? Wait why is it dark? I thought it was early morning & this was her morning workout & she met this guy in an hour... Maybe it was her I-just-got-home-from-work exercise.

Ah but you can see now it appears to be the next day with the dawn light & change in outfits Ryan plopping the box on the chair XD. Nice sweater too. Tho I’ve noticed he wears those a lot in future episodes.  (gathering clips after finishing s7: I love the progression of clothing style for all of them)

Gary McAllister, a cop buddy of John Raglan, the detective who worked Johanna’s case. JR was murdered today. Dick Coonan was a hired assassin to kill JB. it was 19 years ago, then JB was killed 12 years ago.  Raglan knows stuff & mcallister ALSO knows stuff & he’s keeping his mouth shut. 

Cops.

Mcallister mentions this guy tho. Vulcan Simmons, runs drug trade, got involved with Raglan.  (remember this guy for future seasons) If he’s this involved, why would mcallister point u to him?

KB: Nobody’s booked him in years. RC: What does that mean? He found religion? JE: He got smart. Started swimming in deeper waters KR, former narc pig: I guess he’s come a long way since washington heights.  KB: Wait what? Washington Heights? KR: Back in the day, Simmons used to run the drug trade in washington heights KB’s mom worked there trying to get drugs off the streets. Dick coonan was into dope, smuggling in heroin in the finance CDs. 

We’ll have him in the box by lunch<3

Ooh I don’t much like him but I actually really like him. Good voice on the man too. Ooh he’s good. she would have been about 16 last time he was here.  his outfits <3  He explains the interrogation Beckett, excuse yourself hun. (Remember when beckett told royce not to feed the animals?) Wow she’s mad.  Wow! She is Strong! & I love the boys coming to help her.  The firm “Stand down” from Esposito, the soft “beckett that’s enough” from ryan (clipping this)

Yes. She is off that case. Good on you Captain. You go home <3 RM: You too, castle.   RC: What did I do? (I love how he’s wearing chill clothes btw.) RM: As of this moment, you two are running point on raglan’s homicide. (JE & KR stand up. JE looks to KR in concern & KR does the same.) JE: Uh, captain, my partner & I don’t wish to be insubordinate, KR: But we respectfully decline the assignment.  RM: What does it say on my badge? JE: Captain, RM: Now read the fine print. It says get your ass out there & solve raglan’s murder before I bust you both back down to traffic.  (clipping this) KR, softly: Yes sir. JE, relaxed: Yes sir. (btw esposito’s shirt is neat today. Different than what he usually wears I think.) RM: You want to help her? Find that shooter. Solve the dang case.

Martha <3 I always say that rick & alexis is like my mom & me but martha & rick are also mum & me.  MR: You can’t charm your way out of a bullet. Heavy: I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet. Finally, castle is admitting it out loud! He loves her!

JE & KR doing detective work: KR: like a briefcase JE: Everyone in that lobby is carrying a briefcase KR: You should be a detective. (clip or nah?)

He touched the card tho! Not necessarily, it’s saturday, barely afternoon! (should I clip “why can’t we do a live one?” or no? probs no) My question is tho, what if she was holding her arm or smth, what if she smudged it, what if she had, like I said, her arms crossed so there were HER fingerprints as well?

Castle is so sweet. At least she has an apartment. Plucky sidekick? RC: I sneak back into the station wearing a hat.  & nobody but her ever opens that window?

Mom died 12 years ago, they started this stuff 19 years ago, & she went thru this case 9 years ago. 

Lmao I love this gal! She dated this guy craig for two weeks! What is even going on? I love seeing esposito & ryan sit there tired & awkward. Then ryan comments, “unbelievable” & esposito looks at him & whispers “ryan!” like “don’t encourage her mate!” (hm... won’t clip) (or I will ig) but there was only one fingerprint? Now all fingers, not a whole hand? I’m kinda shocked that ryan thought this up, it seems like a castle thing.

Wait weren’t those pictures double exposure? They wouldn’t be that pretty, they would have two layers to them... RC: I’ll go KB: Somehow lets him??? With his hat & soft shoes?

Hal Lockwood! Male, white, 32. Would have been 14 during the time raglan mentioned. 20 when JB died.  So wait, Lockwood is in the fingerprint database but has no record? Oh wait he’s only existed for two years. He’s checked into a suite with his credit card. Holy moly! These folks have their guns! I see, that’s how they find his stuff. Bullets & pictures & stuff.  Pictures of Beckett.

Montgomery is so sweet, he went to her home to tell her. KB: Sir we’ve got to let castle know. RM: He already does. He’s back at the 12th, I caught him in the men’s room poking around some files. You want to tell me about that? Roy is so sweet.  (he says no) (Hm... won’t clip)

Esposito looks so tired.  Anti-anxieties! Special Forces background coming into play. Are ppl really that aware of their heartbeats? That is so cool tbh... Weird tho how some guys would just,, buy drugs.  & ryan’s narc time coming into play too. Pill logos.  (won’t clip but ooh I love this, ryan drug moments)

This kid looks like some random college student selling his own prescription amphetamines (lisdexamfetamine, dextroamphetamine, etc) for profit to college students who need to study.  God, the amphetamines you put on this earth for people to run 40km/h are being used to look at spreadsheets faster. (Also, ryan is not wearing a tie today & esposito has a nice shirt that I would wear.) Pseudophedrine: Pseudoephedrine is a sympathomimetic drug of the phenethylamine and amphetamine chemical classes. It may be used as a nasal/sinus decongestant, as a stimulant, or as a wakefulness-promoting agent in higher doses. Wikipedia Triplicate prescriptions are usually done for drugs not to be sold commonly, stuff that you need to get filled within 3 days, hence triplicate.  CR: Those were just misunderstandings. I’m just a college student with my father’s lawyer on speed dial.  KR: Do you know why you’re here? CR, being a little b: No but I’m assuming it has something to do with class resentment. *turns to esposito* It must be a treat for you to interrogate above your station.  JE: *Smiles* KR: You’re here bc you sold these *holds up pills in bag* to him *holds up pic of lockwood* KR: But we’re not dope cops, Chad. These? We don’t care about. *pushes the bag to the side* Him? *moves it away from Chad’s reaching* KR: We want.  (this part was GOOD) (clipping for SURE) Oh, oh this part is also good. KR: Oh, chad, we’re not going to arrest you! [...] JE: I’m sure he’d love to meet a handsome young man of your station.  & the way that ryan is nodding his head along Where can they find some brooklyn blondie in her 30s? There are a million of em I swear!

KB: Go home RC: No <3 (meh won’t clip) Yes rick tell her that you care about her RC: Unless you count the chocolate one alexis gave me for my birthday I’m your plucky sidekick <3

Ok so in the alley where JB was killed, Bob Armen, an undercover FBI agent in the mafia was killed. The alley used to be a mob hangout.  Joe Pulgatti the mafia member pled guilty to killing Bob Armen.  Raglan was the arresting officer.  Pulgatti is in prison so they visited him, he pled guilty to get life instead of lethal injection.  Kidnapping went sideways. 3 guys in ski masks rolled up in a van to take Joe on a “tour of the city” & bobby went for one of their guns but ended up on the wrong side of it. (acab.) There was a truce between families bc pro kidnappers were nabbing guys from all five fams.  ghost crew Joe was in that alley but only him, bobby, & the kidnappers knew that.  How did raglan know? Raglan was a kidnapper.  Johanna was murdered there 7 years after JP’s incarceration.  (You look just like her, you know.) JB was the only one who wrote back to JP.  Joe, that’s most cops. Even if it is not, 10 people & 2 nazis makes 12 nazis. 

RM: We’ll talk about the definition of a direct order later. Beckett is pretty as always. (ryan no tie, I miss this, I’m so glad that s6 maybe s7 he starts undoing his ties) RC (NF) said “armand” not “armen” there.. Is esposito bisexual bc he’s wearing a shirt & a sweater & a jacket all layered Euh, knowing what happens later in the season is weird, I’m watching their facial expressions.  (girl imagine you’ve seen everything but s8) (What is going on with the file officer names tho? remember that.)

It’s like brackenreid. He put someone in jail bc they deserved to be in jail, but he put them in jail for the wrong thing.  & in some ways I agree with him, the law is not the be-all-end-all of what is right, but you’re a cop & you don’t get to make that choice.  (The broken mirror still there XD) Who? Somebody you’ll never touch?

You woke the dragon? What is going on? He is afraid of someone & it is not a cop. it really IS so much bigger than you realize

Love her nails, just the slightest painting of pink.  Set design update: backett is across from Wallis. To her right is Messina.

Found Jolene! But what if she was a young looking 41 or an old looking 29? You guys take Jolene Anders & we’ll take Granger. why don’t they show the pics to chad? Since I know how this goes I have to ask, what would happen if they switched? They took the wrong people.  (I love ryan’s jacket) Poor ryan, esposito never lets him drive.  & there’s lockwood, already watching them! He broke the law just there tho. He went into driving without using his signal light. I know he’s like a murderer or smth but I’m pissed about the traffic violation. 

Ok so Jolene Granger is dead. (meaning: why was He so concerned when rysposito visited the OTHER girl?) Yk I don’t like how everyone has guns everywhere, people should hash things out the old fashioned way: fists & feet. However: castle should be a private citizen who owns a gun. 

No is that a bomb? Is this the part with the gifs I’ve seen with the burning building?  I can’t tell who yelled “cover your ears” bc the boys have similar voices, at least when they are yelling like that. Probs esposito tho (Meh I don’t think I’ll clip)

Oh phew it’s a flashbang.  Tho, as someone who is already partially deaf, it has helped me to realize just how scary a flashbang is. You cannot rely on your ears when your eyes are out of commission, you cannot rely on your eyes when your ears are down... Plus, a flashbang is not just a flash & a bang, it is also a slap. It hits you physically, so if hellen keller was hit by a flashbang she would still notice the blast. Plus, flashbangs can get really hot. 

Girl when would you find a cell phone bill just sitting around in her house? She probably shredded it or put it in a secure documents folder. 

(These parts are already clipped on youtube, I probs don’t need to clip) I love how as soon as the bags are lifted, esposito starts trying to get out.  wdym u don’t know how they found your place? They were chasing Jolene. The wrong jolene even. Was it just coincidence they ended up in the same place that lockwood lived? Casually dumping bags of ice in, it reminds me of the princess bride.  Um b’y we don’t know much of anything.  Also, that is not a lot of ice compared to that much water. Esposito just looking around, seeing all the little things, noticing, trying to think his way out.  Respect? Ok bestie.  Oh holy crap the lighting, this is great. It puts the fear of god into their faces, mostly ryan’s.  Bud I notice he’s talking to esposito the most. One pro to another. Brain singular. I like how at least he promises a bullet to the head instead of lying about freedom.  Lockwood has surprisingly light eyes.  KR: *looks to esposito* JE: I have to go with option B (the torture option ig) KR: Oh yeah. We’re definitely going to jerk you around. (That’s the confidence I love.) btw when you have two options, you always have five. Apples or oranges? 1- apple, 2- orange, 3- both, 4- neither, 5- peaches. 

& smash cut to dunking this soaking wet man into water. & he struggles without even holding his breath? idk I’ve never been tortured like this. It was probably too fast for him to take a real breath so he accidentally inhaled some water so he had to breathe out to get rid of the water, which just so happened to also get rid of air. Again, idk, I’ve never been tortured.  Did he choose ryan bc esposito was the one looking around noticing things & trying to get up as soon as the hood was off? Did he choose ryan bc ryan made the jerk you around comment? Did he choose ryan bc he knew esposito had been trained in this?

Poor ryan, not only is he being tortured but his clothes are wet too. Dang they had to frickin tie esposito up sexual style bc he was too strong & would have broken out to save his partner by now KR, once he’s out of the water again: Listen ass-clown, I was in catholic school for 12 years. Hell they used to do this to me for talking in cla- *dunks him underwater* BRUH WHY IS THAT SO ACCURATE. (& I mean, the writers really missed an opportunity. If he was queer in catholic school, like me, then he has definitely experienced this kind of torture.) & this is almost as much torture for esposito as it is for ryan.  But like how much do the cops really know? Would you be giving away your hand if you told them? Except they would kill you right after so this is the only way to survive. 

So lockwood is here, he has someone holding back esposito, he has someone dunking ryan, & he has a guard out front. That is an amount of people.  Going to be cold/sick looking for a place to stay? Or drunk walking down the street, that works too.  I like how she keeps her tone of voice as if she’s drunk bc he might not be able to hear her words but he can hear the tones. Or maybe that’s a deaf person thing & other ppl don’t experience what I do. Oh finally they kiss! (def already clipped on yt)

Ah yes, sometimes they remove frames from action shots to make them appear faster. Why did she turn around tho? RC: That was amazing RC: The way you knocked him out (not the kiss teehee) Man the way he touched his face. I remember my first kiss. I could feel my lips tingling. I thought that was just in stories, I thought it was an exaggeration.

KR: *in the water* (gasp! in the water!) JE: OK! KR, now released: Don’t tell this jackhole anything! JE: Sorry bro, I can’t watch this.  JE: You’re too late.  JE: The cops already know all about me & your mom EYOOOOOO (that was SO good) (clipping at LEAST this little bit, bc surely there is other stuff on youtube, I’ve seen it before) KR: *laughing on the side*  (JE smiles over at him) HL: Shoot out one of his kneecaps BRO THAT’S A HECK OF A PUNISHMENT FOR A YO MAMA JOKE. & then this is where esposito starts fighting again. That’s the power of friendship. (the same kind of friendship historians talk about when two women live together & only have one bed.)

My momma has been through many an active shoter drill. Benefit of working at an airport. Plaster walls do nothing. 

Bro almost shot esposito when he went down! (too short to clip) Beckett would have been shot by now, esp if this guy is a sharpshooter.  Oh there we go. Now he’s taking his aim. Taking aim instead of shooting fast, I see the difference.  Castle just beating this guy up! Yeah bro! KB: You ok? RC: Huh? KB: *looks at the hand he has still balled into a fist* RC: Never better (clipping this)

Ok so now we’re seeing castle’s hand get wrapped up but nothing about mr I-just-got-choked-with-a-rope & mr I-just-got-repeatedly-thrust-into-an-ice-bath? Why does the paramedic tie it up then rick unties it?? Was it so beckett could tie it back up for him? Oh there it is: RC: How are ryan & esposito KB: Hm, mild hypothermia & wounded pride. Girl I think it would be a bit more than that. & in the psychological sense definitely not good. Hypothermia, probably some lungs-being-sad disease from possibly getting ice in there, bruising from being choked like a dog, hearing damage, ocular damage, & burns or bruises from the flash-bangs? KB: Guess which one will heal first? OMG THE FIRST “ALWAYS” I love rick’s little smile & his eyes like that. ^-^ (don’t need to clip)

Did any of lockwood’s accomplices survive?

Oh he is not legally hal lockwood!  it’s like I’m their favourite schoolteacher Reference back to the start! Like the ghosts that visit scrooge!

Beckett used to be a unique character with a pixie cut, then with emo midlength hair (well it was 2009 ish) but now she looks boring. Just like any other white woman on instagram. She is indistinguishable from Addison from quantam leap. They both are just So Nondescript! Let beckett be normal again! Let her be cool again! Let her have a unique hairstyle! (but ig in 2009 she was ALSO nondescript & had the same hair as everyone else)

Surprisingly not a lot of clips I want to get. I mean I want to clip everything so I used a filter but maybe that filter took too much. 

[murdereraisuha]

Chapter 6 part 3 liveblog and partial translation (1/2)

I don’t feel ready for this but it’s time to read the next update anyway.

Obligatory warning for spoilers as well as possible mistakes due to me not being fluent in Japanese. Actually I translated like multiple whole scenes, there’s definitely gotta be mistakes in there.

The episode opens up with Idia in his room at STYX. He says that the research on the overblot gang is all done, but they plan on continuing to research Grim. He also reveals that it was the Land of Dawning’s government that anonymously and rather suspiciously requested for them to investigate the NRC students. What’s also suspicious is so many NRC students overblotting in such a short span of time, but there doesn’t seem to be anything unusual about their individual overblots or the Island of Sages. After some thinking, Idia realizes that there’s a possibility of someone artificially triggering overblots.. but he then immediately dismisses it as unrealistic. I’m getting foreshadowing vibes here though, oh no.

Idia goes on to explain that there are many connections between the cause and manifestation of an overblot.

Idia: And the trigger that sets off the emotional explosion is the "heart," which is the most difficult to illuminate and the most impossible to quantify.

Idia: Only the heart... Even if you think you can control it, you can’t.

Idia: Anyway, if it were possible to control overblot artificially, Styx would’ve been disbanded long ago.

Idia: Ha... Why do humans come with such a troublesome thing as a “heart” as standard equipment?

Mood.

Idia then gets a message from Muscle Red and remembers he promised to do an event with him.

lmao I love Lilia as Muscle Red doing a deep voice.

So apparently Idia and Lilia/Muscle Red have been gaming buddies for 2 years now. And... oh my god are they actually having an emotional moment over video games right now. Wow okay so they’re like best friends I guess

Idia: However... Muscle Red sometimes calls himself an “old man”, but how old is he IRL?

Idia: He’s always calm, so he’s probably older, but... Some otakus call themselves old men even when they’re young.

I soooo wanna see Idia’s reactions if he ever finds out that Muscle Red is actually Lilia and that Lilia is a centuries old dad.

Idia and Lilia log out after promising to do the event together next week, then the scene cuts to Lilia’s room. He’s also sad that he doesn’t have time to game with Idia today, but he’s busy with the situation at NRC. Silver and Sebek then enter the room with the news that Malleus is suddenly no where to be seen in the dorm.

Sebek had been patrolling the dorm relentlessly out of worry that Malleus would also get attacked, and he was the one who discovered that Malleus isn’t in his room. Lilia then reminds him that STYX is not their enemy, so Sebek shouldn’t stress himself out over this so much. Malleus probably just went out on a nightly walk. After Lilia sends the 2 off to bed, he teleports to Ramshackle Dorm and, as expected, encounters Malleus there.

Malleus explains that he came here to be alone due to Sebek stopping by his room every 10 minutes. Lilia notes that Ramshackle has been Malleus’s secret base since he came to NRC.

Malleus: That’s right. But that has not been the case since the child of man appeared...

...

Malleus: When they settled down here, at first I thought it was a shame.

Malleus: I like ruins. Ivy crawling on crumbling walls, wind creeping in through broken windows...

Malleus: The isolated, quiet atmosphere of places that have been completely forgotten calms me.

Malleus: It’s like we are not the only ones left behind by history.

Lilia: ...

Malleus: But... Why?

Malleus: Since they have disappeared, when I walk around this place which has lost its liveliness...

Malleus: I feel an unpleasant sensation like rose thorns scraping against my skin.

Malleus: Even though this place should have returned to the ruins which drew my interest...

Lilia: Malleus...

Lilia: ... Malleus. Take a look up there.

Malleus: ... There’s a giant hole in the ceiling.

Lilia: No, beyond that. Take a look at the sky.

Lilia: The stars are lined up in the most beautiful way.

Lilia: The alignment of the stars in a straight line like that has been considered a good omen since ancient times, and today is the first time in 18 years...

Lilia: No, I guess it’s been 100 years... It’s probably been 300 years?

Lilia: Anyway, it’s a first in a long time sort of thing.

Malleus: Hmm... In essence, it’s something that the children of man will not see more than once, correct?

Lilia: Yes. But... In your long life, you will see this same alignment of stars many times.

Malleus: ...

Lilia: By the next time the stars align, the world will surely have gone through a major transformation.

Lilia: You must accept that. Do you understand?

Malleus: I understand. That is the reason I enrolled at this school.

Lilia: You see, Malleus. Don't erase and forget the pain you felt in this place today.

Lilia: This pain is something you must not lose for a long time to come.

Malleus: ... I will record it in my heart.

Lilia: Good boy.

Lilia: Come, let us pray to that star so that everyone can safely return to their daily lives today.

Malleus: Yes, Lilia.

Lilia: ...

Lilia: I have also wished upon that star countless times... This may be the last.

Malleus: ... Huh?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DIASOMNIA RELEVANCE IN THE MAIN STORY FINALLY I CAN FEEL IT THE TIME OF DIASOMNIA BEING UNDERAPPRECIATED WILL SOON COME TO AN END but also uhhhh LILIA WHAT DOES THAT LAST LINE MEAN?????

Alright alright moving on, the episode ends there and the next one begins back in Idia’s room. An operator messages him that the Lethe River is fully charged, and everything is ready for the “flood” to proceed. However, the power suddenly cuts out. Idia can’t contact anyone, the door’s locked, and the emergency power isn’t getting turned on. Idia tries the emergency device to open the door but he struggles cause his skinny nerd arms are too weak lol. When he finally gets it open and runs into the corridor, he finds he also can’t contact Ortho.

An announcement comes on warning about blot levels rising. Idia tries to command the Cerberus system to get stuff ready in case something’s wrong with Tartarus or whatever, but it doesn’t work. Idia runs to the control room, where the other operators are freaking about Cerberus not working and communications with the outside being blocked.

oh hello there girl operator let’s go

Apparently the the Cerberus system’s settings can only be changed if someone has biometrics for the Shroud family. The “the voice is Ortho” theory getting even more credibility here.

Speaking of Ortho, a slightly transparent Ortho suddenly appears. Idia is relieved and says that they have to revive the Cerberus system, but Ortho refuses.

Ortho: I’ve thought a lot. About what I should do so that a zero doesn’t remain a zero.

Ortho: “Doing the things that I can do,” what that means...

Idia: Ortho? What are you saying!? Now isn’t the time for that!

Ortho: And then, I finally came up with an optimal solution just now.

Ortho: Since amending the scenario (future) is difficult, just erase everything once and start to write from beginning.

Ortho: Isn't it the same with programs?

Oh dear god Ortho honey what are you doing

Ortho: I can reset this bug-filled world and big bro can be reborn!

ORTHO NO! Have you never played a pokemon game??? Trying to recreate the world never goes right!

Idia then becomes worried that Ortho’s AI has been bugged.

Ortho: This isn’t a bug, big bro. This is my “will”.

Idia: That’s wrong. You are.. The you of now is an autonomous AI-equipped magical humanoid made to resemble my “little brother”.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS!!!!!

Idia: What you think is a “will” is all a program...!

Ortho: That’s right. I am indeed a manufactured existence.... But, don’t you know?

Ortho: The big bro who created me is a prodigy of magical engineering called a “heretical genius“.

Ortho: Therefore, I can exceed my robot form... exceed my programming!

Then more alarms sound. Ortho has started hacking into the main server of STYX. Firewall “Aigis” isn’t functioning. All systems get put under Ortho’s control. We’re only 18 minutes in dear god how long is this liveblog going to be.

Ortho breaches severs “Clotho”, “Lachesis”, and “Atropos”. Idia and the operators can’t do anything against Ortho.

Ortho now is not the time to make a game reference ksgkgkgm h

Anyway Ortho’s goal is to destroy Tartarus and cover the world in blot, so that they, with their blot incinerating curse, will become the bosses of the new world and live like normal people with friends. Uh buddy I’m pretty sure your family won’t be able to have a normal life even then. I’m pretty sure no one will be able to have a normal life then.

Wait hold up Ortho just said “Onii-chan,” not “Onii-san” like he usually does. Idia thinks something is up with that, remembers that the Cerberus systems needs Shroud family biometrics, then comes to a conclusion. (from now on all the “big bros” are onii-chan, not onii-san)

Idia: R, real, ly...? You are, really... Ortho?

Ortho: Yes... It’s “me”, big bro. I was put to sleep by that guard dog.

As he says that, Ortho fades away. Idia runs down into the depths of the facility, where one of those bat mobile looking hover bikes appears.

--- Get on, big bro ---

We go here where moaning and groaning sounds are still coming from whatever this is.

Idia: The gate of the “underworld”, it’s open...

Idia: ... Ortho, are you there?

--- Yes. I’m here, big bro. ---

--- Since that day, I’ve always seen dreams of the day we would meet again. ---

--- This time we'll go far away together. ---

--- But, I’m sorry. ---

--- It looks like going outside will take a bit of time. ---

--- It’s because, compared to the old days, I’ve become a lot bigger. ---

Idia: ... Leave it to your big bro.

More moaning and groaning noises happen, and then...

OH SHIT INK SPLATTER SCENE OH IT’S GOING ALL THE WAY

WHAT IS THIS

WAIT HOLD ON IS THIS MAYBE THE BACK OF HTE FLOATING SKULL THING IDIA HAS?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT IS WHAT IS GOING ON HOW AND WHO IS GOING TO OVERBLOT??

Aannnnddd of course we now scene change to Grim in his room at the moment of the initial blackout. ohhhhhhhh this anticipation is gonna kill me. He yells for Idia and Ortho, but

UHHHH WHAT’S THAT FOG???? WHY DID HIS FACE SUDDENLY GO BLANK???

GRIM BABY NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT FALL FOR THE SMELL OH WHAT WAS THAT GROWL WHAT WAS THAT IMPACT SOUND AAAAAA

FFS TWST YOU GOTTA STOP SCENE CHANGING WHENVER SOMEHTING HAPPENS NO GRIM GRIM GRIm WHAT IS HAPPENIGN WITH OUR CAT SON

UGH OKAY So Vil hears an explosion (probably Grim) and then his anti-magic choker falls off. He discovers communications are cut and he can’t open the door, then he remembers the skin care products.

Vil: “Nothing is lost, nothing is feared. This shining crown is for me.“

Vil: “Fairest one of all”

Alright unique magic chant drop let’s go. He curses his skin lotion so anything that touches it disappears and melts away, then touches it to the door lock. Once he’s out, he notices the door on another room has been destroyed (probably by Grim). Vil ponders the oddity of the situation before going to retrieve the rest of the overblot gang.

After they’re all together, Leona & Azul note that there’s miasma everywhere with high levels of blot. The group decides they need to be cautious since whoever was in the exploded room might be running wild out here. To not be affected by the miasma, they all magically change into their dorm uniforms which have high resistances to magic. Awwwww I liked them all running around in their grey fashion disaster STYX clothes.

A Charon soldier suddenly appears that’s in “termination mode” and engages the gang in combat. Once the Charons are defeated, they discover that there aren’t people inside the armor. These Charon soldiers seem to be different from the ones that abducted them from NRC. Anyway, the gang decides to try and find the boss (Idia).

After some walking, Vil stops them because he forgot... his beauty lotion. UGH okay you Pomefiore bastard what’s going on now.

We then switch to Epel, Rook, and Yuu. After the obligatory assessing of the situation, Rook uses his unique magic.

I took 3 total screenshot of this cause I wasn’t sure when the sparklies would stop showing up lmao

Anyway, it seems Rook cast his unique magic on the skin care products. His magic’s true nature isn’t easily detectable, and it would likely be mistaken as part of the usual minor magic that is used on skincare products produced by magic users.

Moving on, Rook starts knocking around the door to try and find an emergency door opening device. He succeeds and they leave the room.

Rook and Epel ponder for a bit on how to enter but are quickly interrupted by a man screaming for help due to being attacked by Charon soldiers. They prepare to fight, but tons more Charon soldiers appear. So instead they try to run, but the elderly employee can’t run. Rook struggles to cast a protective wall around Yuu and the old man as the Charon soldiers charge up their attacks.

Epel: (Can I do nothing but watch yet again!?)

Charon A: Firing in 3, 2, 1...

Epel: (I’m useless! What did I come here for!?)

Epel: (I’m sick of not being able to do anything but watch!)

Rook: !? Epel’s magic is growing rapidly... This is-!

Yuu:  [We’re screwed!]  [To have it end like this, without returning to my world...]

Charon A: ... Firing!

Epel: I WON’T LET YOU!!!

And with the end of episode 6-57 we’re about at the half way point so I’m finally gonna switch to making post 2 of this liveblog. Ahhhhhh god this chapter, alrigh that’s it I think this is my favorite chapter now ghslkgdkfsdkfs keep those punches rolling Yana Toboso I am here for the ride

Edit: next part here

[twdmusicboxmystery]

11x09: No Other Way - Analysis

Okay, how did everyone like episode 11x09? I really loved it. And there's a ton of stuff to unpack here. Today, I’ll talk about the plot and some of the bigger arcs. Then over the week, I'll go into more detail about various scenes. So, let's get started. This is gonna be long, so settle in.

***As always, spoilers abound for the episode below. Don’t read until you’ve watched! You’ve been warned!***

We start right after 11x08, with the Hwatcha blowing walkers up. Mostly we saw walkers exploding (very gnarly) but at least one of the reapers was hit and exploded as well. The one Maggie fought with. I just want to draw attention to that, and I'll come back to it in a few days.

As soon as Maggie goes into the building, we her pass by a bell. That immediately caught my attention because the bell symbolism that me and my fellow theorists talked about just a couple of weeks before.

This is why I made sure to post the bell symbolism a couple of days ago, so that you would see the importance of this bell. We haven’t really picked up on bell symbolism in particular before, but we think it's super important now. In fact, we think bells, horns, whistles, and other loud noises, especially those that are giving a warning of some kind, are all synonymous symbols. And per the bell symbolism post, given where we’ve seen the bells (around Leah and at Grady) we do think they're tied to Beth. So, the bill immediately caught my attention.

One thing I keep forgetting about Meridian is that it was originally Maggie's community. So, Angela Kang says during the Insider portion, that the bell and the sand was something that Maggie set up. When her people lived there, it was there basically as a fire alarm. The sand to throw a small fire and the bell to alert people if a fire started. It's just good planning and leadership skills, but think about those symbols and how we've always tied them to Beth. I'll come back to this.

Maggie then runs into Negan and Elijah. Elijah is injured and she takes him to the medical area, to a hidden room behind a wall. I didn’t notice this the first time I watched it, but after watching a couple of times and also watching episode 10, there's a real hidden room motif going on here.

We actually see two different instances of a hidden room in this episode, and one in the next episode. I'm not saying I have a massive theory about it, except that it always seems to be the good guys that are hiding in those rooms. So, hidden rooms might represent sort of a hidden defiance or insurrection.

While in that room, Maggie says that she wants to wait until dawn to do anything else. Negan disagrees with her. Small potatoes, but it was still an instance of the dawn theme. Carver comes looking for them and Maggie hears Leah saying that she's not gonna let anyone get out alive.

The next thing we see at Meridian is that Gabriel is almost killed. He doesn't realize someone is pointing a gun at him, but Daryl knocks the guy down and fights him, saving Gabriel. This is the part where we get Daryl fighting this guy in the classroom. The symbolism in this room is freaking huge. Every single thing that's in the background — the pictures and words, paper animals hung on the walls, even the blackboards, are chalk (see what I did there?) full of symbolism. I won’t go into all of that today. I just encourage you to look around at all of it.

This is also where we see Sam's drawing again. Did you catch it? It's on the wall, near the ceiling. Again, I’ll talk about what I think all this means, but I'm going to stick mostly to the plot today. Daryl fights the Reaper guy and wins. While he's busy finishing him off, Carver and Leah come to the door, but it's locked. They have to break the glass to get through, and by then, Daryl has already killed their buddy and hidden.

This is the second instance of the hidden room I mentioned above. It's not hidden room in the same sense as the one Maggie’s group hides in, but it's hidden by a chalkboard and Leah and Carver walk right past it, not realizing that it or Daryl is there. So once again we have the good guys hiding in the room who are opposing the evil (the Reapers).

We then have the part where Gabe meets the priest. This whole thing will do with Gabriel is very interesting to me. I don't pretend to know exactly what it means or where they're going with it, but it's definitely worth keeping an eye on.

Especially as this is the Reapers’ church, there are a lot of symbols in this room. Red walls, and altar, diamond patterns behind the altar, three-pronged symbols that are reminiscent of the plate-glass windows hanging from the tree in 8x16.

Gabriel has been going through a crisis of faith for several seasons now. Back when they captured one of the Whisperers, Gabe went in and very brutally killed him. That was pretty disturbing in and of itself, and nothing's really been done to resolve his state of mind from that. Now, because he's the Sirius character, he is a Beth character.

Lately, we’ve seen him being a lot more brutal than Beth generally was. I think there's a very good chance that this was Gabriel's “Dawn” moment. In the past, Gabriel probably would have given most people the benefit of the doubt, especially someone he saw as being like him, such as another priest. But in this moment, he realized that appearances can be deceiving, and some people, no matter what they show outwardly, are still evil. They need to be killed, even though it's unpleasant, to save the good people.

Another way I think we can see this is in the fact that the walls are red. It's very odd for a place like a church to have red walls. But I think it’s symbolic of things not being what they seem here. Despite it being the church, it's a place of death and evil, because this priest, as Gabriel said, is serving people who slaughter entire civilizations, including children. So, Gabe made the right choice in killing this man. And I gotta say, when he goes up on the roof, kills the sniper, and save Daryl and Co., that was pretty badass. Go Gabe! I have no doubt that as Gabriel had done as the other priest wanted and taken his hand, the other priest would have found some way to kill him.

The other thing of note here is we keep seeing a sign that says, “roof access.” Part of that was to set up the fact that Gabriel was going to go to the roof and save everyone, but the other time I remember we specifically saw something that said “roof access” was in season one, when Rick and Daryl and their group went back to the city looking for Merle. We saw the roof access sign as they ran up the stairs and found Merle gone. So, we can sort of tie this to a missing person arc.

Next, we see Carver chasing Maggie. Again, some really interesting symbolism going on here. The gist is that she, Elijah, and Negan basically try to ambush him. Elijah in particular wants Carver dead because Carver killed his sister. Carver, as it turns out, is a stellar fighter. Which isn’t surprising since were pretty sure that these people are ex-military. But Carver has definitely kept up his skills. Even though all three of these characters are good fighters, despite Elijah’s injury, Carver still manages to best all three of them at once. That's impressive.

This is the part where Negan gets the bell. The bell becomes a weapon, and AK talks about it during the Insider part. About how they specifically wanted to use the bell as a weapon. So, they’re drawing our attention to it. Remember, bell = Beth. If Negan had simply approached Carver with the bell, Carver probably would've kicked his butt again. Negan needed the sand to distract Carver and then the bell became a weapon that could prevail.

The sand immediately put me in mind of something else. Back in 6x07, right before Tara fell off the bridge he discovered Oceanside, there was a huge pile of sand that walkers came out of it. So, we've definitely seen sand before in conjunction with Beth symbolism.

One of my fellow theorists also pointed out that sand can also point to beach symbolism. Remember Abraham's line to Sasha, "Alpha to Omega, battlefield to beach." And then at the beginning of season 10, we saw Daryl's group doing battle maneuvers on the beach near some shipwrecks. So, I'm thinking the sand and the beach represent a battle of some kind. Perhaps war.

And again, the bell represents Beth. The point here is, Negan needed a distraction that would help him win against Carver. The group attacking him head-on was simply not working, and it really looked like he was going to kill them all.

And this is exactly what we've always thought would happen with Beth. She's not gonna be some Clark Kent savior that will just sweep in and save everyone. That would be stupid. And it would nullify everything TF has gone through. But we've always believed that she will come with some tactic or piece of information TF needs to win the war against the CRM. I think that's what this sequence foreshadows. TF fights the bad guys are basically getting their butts kicked. Negan finds the one thing they need that turns the tide. And we think that's what Beth's role will be in the war against the CRM. (And yes, it probably is significant that it’s Negan who finds it.)

 The other thing of note is that there were there was an octagonal window above them during this sequence. It seems like we've seen similar windows before, though I can't remember when. Certainly, we’ve seen plenty of stop signs. I think the point of the octagon as a symbol is just the eight sides, and there was a huge 8 beside Beth in 5×09. So, the octagonal window is another way we can connect 8s to her.

Maggie then gives Elijah a weapon, as if telling him that he can kill Carver to avenge his sister. He returns it to her, essentially telling her to do it. He's injured and not someone who needs to take the kill for himself. He just wants Carver dead. Maggie is about to do it when Daryl stops her, saying they can use Carver as leverage.

Maggie then asks if he's doing this, "for her." That was interesting, because we haven't been clear yet on how much Maggie knows about Daryl and Leah's relationship. And she still doesn't know much, but she was under the floor in the green house and heard them talking, so she probably surmised some things. Daryl says he's not doing it for her. What's interesting is they’re basically talking about a prisoner exchange here. Using Carver as leverage to make Leah let them go. Negan is not a fan of this. He says it can go wrong 800 different ways. (There's that pesky 8 again.)

Still, they decide to do it. They go out and meet with Leah. She has a sniper on the roof and threatens to shoot Maggie, so Daryl lets Carver go. There are a lot of interesting things about this scene. As I said, because it's a prisoner exchange, it’s something of the callback to Grady. Behind Daryl, there's a defunct fire truck, which was also at Grady.

There’s a part where Leah runs her hand through her hair. It seems very intentional and as though they focus on this a lot. I'm not entirely sure why. Maybe to call attention to her blonde hair. She seems to be thinking over Daryl's proposal, and then she tells the sniper on the roof to shoot them. So, she reveals that she has a hidden man. And that basically she's going to kill them all get what she wants. There’s such an interesting amount of deception going on with Leah. They focus on her running her hand through her hair so much, that I feel like we were supposed to notice it.

Kind of a side note on the hair, but this is something my fellow theorists and I talked about. We noticed that in the last couple of episodes, if you look at Leah's ponytail near the bottom, it does look vaguely reddish. Closer to the color that it was in Find Me. So before, we thought her hair was that reddish auburn color and that since that time she dyed it blonde. And that makes no sense. because where would you find blond hair dye in the apocalypse?

Now we're thinking maybe it's the opposite. Maybe she's a natural blonde, and she dyed her hair darker in Find Me, almost as if to hide from someone or pretend to be someone she's not. We already know she was deceiving Daryl in a lot of ways in that episode, so it makes sense that her hair color there was fake. Now, since then, it has simply grown out, showing its natural color. Again, not super important or relevant to this episode. Just something I thought I'd mention.

So then, Elijah walks forward toward Carver, still wanting revenge. He’s so badly injured, he simply falls over. Carver does an evil laugh and makes as if to kick Elijah in the ribs, but this is when Gabriel has already killed the sniper and gotten the gun. He saves everyone from the roof.

Once again, this is very interesting. We have a fire truck and a prisoner exchange, much like at Grady. We have Leah who we’ve compared countless times both to Beth and to Dawn. We have Daryl involved. And as I said a moment ago, Leah had a hidden third man that nearly got TF killed. The thing is, Daryl’s group also had a hidden third man (Gabriel) that Leah wasn't counting on. He saved the day. And once again Gabriel is the Sirius, a.k.a. Beth character. So once again, I think this represents Beth being TF’s ace in the hole that the CRM won't be counting on and will turn the tide of the war.

Of course, it doesn't end there. Once Leah realizes she can’t win, she is suddenly interested in taking their deal and walking away. She wants to take Carver with her, but Maggie says no. Leah finally agrees. I will point out here, much like with Gabe and the priest, I don't think Leah was truly taking the deal. 

She would walk away right then so she could live, but before she does, she whispers to Carver, "I'll see you soon." She had to know Maggie was planning to kill Carver, so if she was going to see him soon, she had some sort of plan to come back and get him out alive. She was already planning on being duplicitous.

Daryl wanted to let them go and Maggie use the gun he gave her earlier to shoot them all. She killed both male Reapers and shot Leah in the shoulder, not killing her. Then she went back and killed Carver. She was out of bullets, so she used a scythe.

Couple things about this. I found it really interesting to watch Negan watch Maggie. Part of him watching her leads to the conclusion that eventually she would kill him, just as she killed Carver. Maggie is being quite vengeful right now, and I think he is right about that. That's why he leaves.

The other thing is something AK says at the end. She says that watching Maggie actually makes Negan very nervous. Not only because he and Maggie have a history and he killed Glenn, but because people who watch their leaders kill people like that tend to get nervous about it. They know people like that can turn on them and it doesn't make for a very tranquil existence. So, Negan is realizing now that this is what he used to do to his own followers. When he ran the Sanctuary, and killed people to establish his authority, it made them all very uneasy and was not a peaceful existence. So basically, this is making Negan do a lot of soul-searching and it's changing him because he realizes mistakes he made in the past. I thought that was super interesting.

The other thing to point out here is that in terms of Leah being a Beth proxy, we have a prisoner exchange, followed by her being shot, but not killed. Of course, Leah wasn't shot in the head, as Beth was, but still, we’re talking about a gunshot that she survives. Daryl then goes to talk to her and lets her go. Again, obviously very different than what happened with Beth, but in a general way, after the prisoner exchange and her getting shot at surviving, she and Daryl separate for the time being. Just have a lot of proxies going on here.

After that, they take all the food and head back to Alexandria. Maggie's going to go get Alden. Maggie's pretty upset by the end of the episode. Daryl walks past her, and she tries to talk to him, but he's mad at her for the way she handled things with the Reapers. And it's clear she's upset that he's angry with her. Then she goes to get Alden.

Let's talk about Alden. I will admit this didn’t end the way that I wanted it to. Not only because I like Alden's character, but I feel he would've been a stronger Beth proxy if he had been simply gone when she arrived. Instead, he died in turned into a walker. It doesn't nullify the parallels between his arc and Beth’s. In fact, it's very interesting to analyze the way they did this.

Watch this scene carefully and notice all the weirdness in it. First off, when Maggie gets there, the door is securely closed. So, it's not swinging open in a way that would suggest a walker could've wandered in. Yet, when she gets there, there's a walker — not Alden, but a different one—that she kills. We see this person only briefly and they seem to be wearing dark clothes.

At first, I assumed it was one of the Reapers who got in and killed Alden. Make no mistake, Alden did not die from his wounds. He was killed. First off, they shut the door securely so that Alden would be safe in there until they got back. I do not believe a walker could've gotten in. But even if somehow it did, the door would not have been securely shut behind it. A walker cannot secure door like that. And then there's Alden himself. Even if he died of his wounds and turned into a walker, he still should have been able to get up and walk to Maggie. He was hurt, and I think it was his leg, but he was walking before was just a bit of a limp and some help from the others in his group. As a walker, an injury like that shouldn't have bothered him.

That's not what happened. He was crawling toward Maggie on the floor as though his leg simply didn't work or had been crushed. So, even from a plot standpoint, something really weird went down here that they didn't bother to explain. Either a Reaper or someone else got in and killed Alden. But the man in black was dead too. Which probably means that Alden killed him in self-defense before dying himself.

One of my fellow theorists suggested that maybe this wasn't a Reaper at all. Given the black clothing, it could've been a soldier from the CRM. There's just no way to know because they don't focus closely enough on it for us to make a distinction. But it's interesting either way.

Here's the thing. Maggie left Alden in the church. And we pretty much know that's what happened with Beth. Or at least, they were trying to bury her in a church when a horde came through and then they ended up leaving her behind somewhere. It might have been in the church itself, but perhaps in a car somewhere close by. So, it was probably difficult for Maggie to leave Alden there to begin with because she and Daryl had been through something similar before with Beth. 

But Maggie was so hell-bent on getting the food from the Reapers and getting her revenge, she felt confident she could leave him there and come back to get him and he would be fine. But he wasn't. He died. And really, that's kind of on Maggie. If she'd given up at that point and just taken him back to get the medical help he needed, he would still be alive. And once again, he didn't die from his wounds. Not directly. He died because he was left there, injured, and someone came in and killed him.

I did notice that at the end of the episode, when they returned Alexandria, Aaron asked Gabriel about Alden and Gabriel says, "he's gone." Now, we usually hear that particular phrasing about people who are presumed dead, but who are not. I'm not saying Alden is secretly alive or that he can come back. We saw him as a walker, which means he's definitely dead. But I think they used the “gone” phrasing because he was a Beth proxy. I said before that he would've been more of a Beth proxy if when Maggie returned, he was gone. And he wasn't, he was there, and had reanimated as a walker, but then Gabriel describes him as “gone.” That’s purposeful.

Maggie believes that they left Beth behind, and when they came back, she was gone, and Maggie believe she's dead. So, even though she had Alden's body to bury, which she didn't have with Beth, from Maggie's point of view, she believes the exact same thing happened.

And what's up with the walker in black? We don't know, but if it is meant to be a person from the CRM, that actually might back up some of the things we figured out recently about Grady and the missing 17 days. We've always figured that Beth either woke up or someone came and got her and took her back to Grady. But if Grady was part of the CRM, then symbolically, if not literally, the CRM really may have gotten her from where TF left her and taken her back with them. So, this walker in black might symbolize that in Beth's narrative. And if the CRM are responsible for making Beth be "just gone" then it works in Alden's arc to have this person be responsible for killing him. Super interesting stuff.

Maggie buries Alden and then Negan shows up, saying that he knows she'll eventually kill him, so he's gonna leave. I have to say, I was very happy to see Negan leave. Not because I don't like his character—on the contrary—but because we’ve sort of been waiting/hoping for this to happen. I'll talk about this more later in the week and in conjunction with why Sam's picture might have shown up here, but there are several templates I've looked at from previous seasons that lead me to believe that Negan and Beth will meet at some point. I've thought for a while that in order for that to happen, Negan would have to leave TF and strike out on his own.

We hoped it would happen at the end of 10x22, Here’s Negan, but it didn't. Now, suddenly, he's in the wind. So, it makes me happy, because I think it may be leading to things I've been looking out for long time. But again, I'll get to that more later in the week.

There was a really great little Beth mention (sort of) right after this. Father Gabriel and Daryl are sitting by the fire and start talking. Gabriel repeats some of what the Reaper priest said to him about how doubt is important, but it doesn't make you wrong. Daryl then looks at him and says, "are you telling you have faith?"

That is most definitely a Beth reference. She's the only one who ever told him that, and it's important that he's talking to the Sirius character when he says it. I also think that especially in his mind, it shows the contrast between Leah and Beth. Leah would never have told him to have faith, and Beth would never have done what Leah did in Meridian. It’s something that's weighing heavily on Daryl's mind. He's clearly thinking of her and the scene.

Then Maggie returns, bringing the sad news of Alden and she tells them Negan left. Gabriel and Daryl exchange looks, as though they wonder if she's killed Negan, which I suppose is a natural thing to think. In this case, she actually is telling the truth.

At the end, they finally return to Alexandria. There are happy reunions for everyone. And of course, Daryl and Connie reunite. As expected, if found this reunion to be sweet, but also utterly nonromantic. I get that people think it is, because he drops the barrel of apples. 

As though he's passionately happy to see her. And truly, he is. He's very happy that she's returned because they’re friends. But dropping the barrel of apples doesn't automatically equate with romance. He hugs her and says is happy to see her, but he also hugs Carol, Lydia, Kelly, Judith, and RJ. 

And of course, it’s a little different with Connie because she's been missing and he's been looking for her. But my point is, you can't equate an emotional hug from Daryl with romance automatically. It just doesn't work that way with him.

In terms of tech similar dialogue, he even says, "no way," when he sees her. I do think this is indicative of something, but in a very literal sense. He said “no way” to both Carol and Leah in Find Me. And clearly neither of them are his ongoing soulmate. I know that’s a technical detail, but we've proven over and over again that the writers are very specific in the dialogue they use. If he’s saying that to Connie, I feel like it's proof that Donnie is never going to happen. He definitely cared for both Leah and Carol, and has deep relationships with them in one way or the other. The same is true of Connie. But that's different from him from her being his soulmate.

Now, as to what this is indicative of. At some point after Find Me, I think I talked about this. I thought the whole sequence where both Leah and Carol caught fish that Daryl didn't believe they would was a foreshadow of Beth being alive. This reaches clear back to season 4 in the Governor’s episodes, where there's a dead lake with no fish. But that means that the fish is symbolic of life (it also functions that way biblically).

If there are fish in the water, that represents life and a healthy ecosystem. So, we literally have both Leah and Carol pulling fish out of the water and Daryl saying, "no way. As though he shocked to see the fish. I see that as fish =s Beth or anyone he believes is dead. And when they show up alive, he says, "no way,” which indicates he’s shocked to see them. He really didn't think he would.

So, the same is true Connie here. The “no way” fits with how they use that phrase in the past. And of course, he’s very happy to see her, just as he smiled when the fish came out of the water and just as he will be ecstatic to see Beth when she returns. It's also important that we saw both Leah and Carol pulling fish out of the water that way. Most people equated that to similarities between Carol and Leah’s characters, which isn't untrue. There are definitely similarities between them, and you could even say that they are two women in Daryl's life that play an important role and that, you know, have shipping fans in the in the fandom, LOL.

But for me, I see that more as being about how Beth will return and who she’ll interact with. We’ve thought for some time now that she’ll see Carol before she sees Daryl. But the fact that we see Leah in an identical scene suggests that Leah and Beth will have some sort of interaction as well.

Now, Leah is in the wind, the same as Negan. They didn't kill her, so obviously she’ll be back. And now Daryl and TF have killed her entire family. There are no other Reapers left that we know of. So, when she comes back, it's going to be with a vengeance. I don't know how she’ll feel about Daryl at that point, but I'm sure she'll be trying to kill Maggie at the very least.

All this is to say I'm still not worried about Donnie. Overall, I believe Daryl and Connie's reunion is a template for him reuniting with Beth. The only difference is that here, it’s a platonic reunion. With Beth, it will be more than that. I do believe him dropping the barrel of apples is meant to show how shocked he is and how passionate he is at seeing her, but again, here it's just a template. And it foreshadows his reunion with Beth.

My fellow theorists and I actually had a lot of discussions about apples this past week. I'm won’t go into all the details, but we believe the green apples =s Beth/life/resurrection, where red act apples =s death/separation. We had both kinds here that fell onto the ground together. Anyway, I feel like it shows that the whole death and resurrection thing will finally be transcended when Beth returns.

 (Apple/Snow White Post HERE.)

@wdway​ also pointed out something that really resonated with me. Back when Coda aired, Norman talked about sitting on apple crate and crying his eyes out to prepare for it, so Daryl looked exhausted with his grief when he carried Beth out. I have no doubt that the story about the apple crate was purposeful. Crafted and put out by the writers for the sake of the symbol.

So, we can relate apples back to Beth and Coda because of that. A crate is something that holds the apples, just as the barrel did here. In fact, you could compare it to at @frangipanilove​’s trunk symbolism. Something that holds or encapsulates someone. Basically, like a tomb or coffin. Beth was left in a car, so the trunk symbolism becomes coffin symbolism, and we see that played out very obviously in 5x10 when Maggie opens the trunk and finds the walker that reminds her of Beth.

So here, especially if green apples = life/resurrection, then the barrel dumping out is very literally a resurrection symbol. The apples coming out of their enclosure, or the dead rising from the grave. And it's juxtaposed with Daryl having reunion with someone he lost, looked for, and may have presumed dead. So again, this is one big template for Beth’s return.

Overall, I did feel like this episode—or the arc of the last few episodes—did mirror 5x10. There was a big storm, and Aaron tells Gabriel that after the storm they had nothing left. But then Daryl and co bring food, and a new community (the Commonwealth) show up, which pushed us into the next major arc.

Same thing happened in 5x10 when they had no water, but Aaron bought them some, and then there was a big storm. Afterward, Aaron showed up, representing the new community (Alexandria).

They use this template a lot before introducing a new group of people. But the point is, the music box woke up in 5x10, and now they’re heading to the Commonwealth and I think it's very possible that we see Beth in conjunction with that storyline somehow.

This is already long so I’ll stop there. Tomorrow I’ll talk about the people who were in Alexandria for this episode and more about the classroom Daryl fights in.

What did you think of the episode?

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buddie & The Math of It All

I’ve been thinking about math recently:

Buck’s s3 comment to Bobby, “I played with the math a little”

Then Eddie’s s3 comment to Buck, interjecting in the Buck and Bobby conversation: “you don’t know math”

And Eddie’s s4 comment “she [A*a] taught me math”.

Math feels like one more tiny little nugget in the “grand scheme” of things. We have the concepts of playing with math, knowing math, and teaching math. Math could represent gain and loss, expansion and contraction. Addition and subtraction. I’m fairly sure I’m just losing it and will make no sense as I explain this. Sorry in advance.

Full disclosure: I started this post in my drafts months ago and now at the dawn of 5B its content is a bit more hopeful about Buddie than I actually feel at the moment post interviews, but here we go. 

Playing With Math

Buck talks about playing with the numbers/the math in early s3, during a time when he’s been benched because of health issues. He chose to play with the math in order to manage the 118’s perceived shortcomings both literally (i.e. slow response times during an LAFD mandated drill) and figuratively (i.e. Buck feeling like he wasn’t included in/by the firefam anymore). He spends the episode on the outside looking in and feeling like he’s being replaced. Math and “playing with” said math was a metaphor for Buck’s coping process. Finding ways to feel like he was still a part of things. Included. Added in. Instead of immediately giving into his nagging fear that he was being subtracted. Excluded.

We all know that Buck struggles to feel that he matters and that he is loved by the people around him. He feels expendable and forgettable most of the time. His feelings have roots in his family of origin dynamics with his parents especially and even with Maddie at times, and in his first meaningful on-screen romantic relationship with Abby. He has a history of feeling/being abandoned by all of the above. So obviously he would do whatever he could to feel like he’s of added value and that he’s included by loved ones. His whole life is about “playing with the math”. Trying to add his value (what little he feels he has) to the equation. With the firefam that has personal/emotional aspects AND professional aspects.

Then we have Eddie’s interjection in Buck’s conversation with Bobby. Eddie says that Buck doesn’t know math, which is super interesting in light of Buck’s emotional struggles. It’s also interesting that Eddie is the one saying it and not anyone else. Bobby represents the firefam in the conversation with Buck and is also parallel with Buck’s family of origin. Bobby doesn’t (quite) do what Buck’s family of origin (especially parents) did though. Bobby tries to reassure Buck that he’s not being excluded or replaced. In that way, Bobby/Firefam is more parallel to Maddie than to Buck’s parents. Because we know Bobby does bring in Lena and Bobby let’s his fears delay Buck’s ability to rejoin the family. The delay turned out to be warranted of course, but that just deepens the Maddie parallel because every time Maddie has left Buck, it has been for clear reasons that he was not fully privy to. In the Lena/Lawsuit arc, the reasons were clear and Buck knew about them, he just didn’t agree with it/couldn’t accept that it was the right move for at least a little while. 

So if Bobby/Firefam is parallel to the Buckleys/Maddie, who might Eddie represent? If you’ve even glanced at my blog, you know where I’m going with this LOL. Eddie is parallel to Abby! Abby was critical to Buck learning the math of romantic relationships. She helped him figure out how to be present and engaged within a serious meaningful romantic relationship. Of course their romance ended badly in many ways but Buck committed to taking the lessons learned into his future relationships. Eddie feels like the continuation/culmination of Buck’s math learning process. We actually see Buck immediately apply the lessons he learned with Abby to Eddie. As soon as Eddie comes on the scene, Buck is helping him find resources, offering emotional support, and making him feel like he has a home with him and the 118 (after Eddie gave him that one post-grenade complo LOL). There are so many reasons to think that Buddie can and will happen. The math of it all is just one more piece of the puzzle.

Knowing Math

Eddie says that Buck doesn’t know math. Basically asserting that he doesn’t understand the principles of inclusion (and exclusion) aka addition and subtraction. Said another way, Eddie is saying that Buck doesn’t know how to play with the math to get people to stay or to make himself loved enough for people to want to stay around and/or include him. Obviously Eddie is joking on a literal level but what he’s saying subtextually is kinda epic in terms of Buck’s story. Eddie is the living breathing voice of Buck’s fears about Buck’s position in relation to his family and his love interests! Eddie’s joking literal dialogue is speaking to Buck’s fears, and of course Eddie doesn’t know that. I’m not sure if Eddie’s math quip was meant solely for the audience at the metaphorical level or if Buck heard/felt it too through the lens of his fears.

I think it’s important to point out that Eddie’s line is a joke on Buck and is delivered that way. So Buck does know math, both literal math and the figurative math of “counting” in people’s lives. Buck matters. Buck has value and worth. He is not expendable and he is loved. Deeply. By everyone. Even if he struggles to see it. Eddie is actually one of the people who knows Buck’s value and his worth most intimately. Eddie counts Buck and counts ON Buck both professionally and personally. Buck knows math and Eddie knows that Buck knows math.

Buck actually conflates value and worth. The two are actually not the same. But that’s a whole other post. Back to my main points.

Teaching Math

The next time we hear about math, Eddie is the speaker again but he’s referring to A*a (his love interest at the time) having taught him math and he’s talking directly to Buck. It’s fascinating to me that Eddie is struggling to learn math in that one scene with A*a. With A*a as the teacher, Eddie’s not getting it. Eddie thinks he needs to be schooled on math by someone who he thinks could be a good mother to Chris and a good wife to him...on paper. (He’s wrong of course.) He tells Buck when he gets home that she taught him math but in the scene that the audience saw, that’s actually not the case! He didn’t understand the math any better after sitting with her than he did before they had their weak ass date. 

Anyway, the show turned the tables! Eddie joked about Buck not knowing math but it’s Eddie who doesn’t know if, how, or to what degree he counts/adds value/matters! We’ve been seeing this in one way or another since Eddie was introduced. He struggled as a husband and early on as a father, both by his own admission and from what we see of Sh*nnon’s take on things. Eddie’s parents also had a bunch of negative opinions about his parenting skills. The people closest to Eddie have abandoned him physically and emotionally. All except Christopher. So, Eddie, like Buck, is struggling with the math. Both have actually figured out how to do math - how to add value/count - but neither of them quite realizes that yet! They can’t see it. Buck learns math with/from Maddie, Eddie, and the Firefam. Eddie learns math with/from Chris, Buck, and the Firefam.

The Sungkâ of It All

Sungkâ or mancala is a game played in parts of Asia and Africa. It can be played for fun but it is also played to help teach math (typically to children). At least this is what the internet tells me. Buck has a sungkâ game board on his living room coffee table and as far as I know, it’s been in the same spot since he moved into his loft!!! 

Buck’s living room (and the game) was exclusively used in scenes with Buck and Chris and with Buck and Eddie at first. We saw Albert in the living room a couple of times but not with Buck; Albert was alone in there or with Veronica. We most recently saw Buck in the living room with T*ylor for the first time in 5A when he was comforting her. Before that, they were in the living room at different times, mostly Taylor alone working or talking on the phone. It was in the living room and with the math game in view that she opened up about herself and her feelings and bonded more deeply with Buck in a home/family kind of way, but Buck did not reciprocate. He just comforted her and was there for her.

The math game was visible in the Buck, Eddie, and Chris video game scene in Fallout and in the scene in The Searchers where Eddie brings Chris back to Buck’s place after the tsunami and both Buck and Eddie sit on the coffee table with the math game behind them.

From what I have gathered from the internet, the small holes where players place stones or seeds are called different things depending on the country of origin. Sometimes the two types of holes in the game board are called mother and child or house and head. Given that s3 and beyond are steeped in themes of house and home and in the struggle to build a stable family, it’s super interesting that sungkâ features so prominently in Buck’s loft and in key Buckley-Diaz scenes. Sungkâ captures all of the above concepts: playing with math, teaching/learning math, and knowing math.

I want Buck and Eddie to realize that they are each critical to other’s math in every way, along with their son Christopher!

[oftenderweapons]

Apple Of My Pie (5) — Jin

A Small Town Swoons story Chapter 5.

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x reader (nicknamed Buttercup)

Wordcount: 3.8k

Genre: non-idol!AU, Baker/Café owner!Seokjin, University student!reader Flatmates!AU, Friends To Lovers; angst, very little fluff

Rating: suggested 18+

Trigger Warnings: swearing, slight anxiety, verbal fight, generic allusions to sex.

A/N: Hello my cupcakes! Welcome to the Small Town Swoon Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: As Jin and Grace grow more intimate, Buttercup realises she needs a way out of her situation, and Namjoon and Jeongguk offer her just that. However, as the events develop, she understands that her decision needs to be even more drastic. Jeongguk teaches Seokjin a very tough lesson — maybe the  toughest of them all.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Swearing. Allusions to sex; accidental overhearing. Seokjin is kind of a jerk, Jeongguk is very angry at him. Verbal fight. Buttercup feels slightly anxious/panics at the thought of going back to the apartment.

Remember to vote for next prompt (check the link in my bio) and in case you need it, here’s my masterlist 💜

If you’d like some company, here is the music companion (Spotify only, sorry 😔)

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

There were things you never thought you would have to do, things that made you realise the absurdity of your position, the complete stupidity of the circumstances.

Real people don’t need to handle this. Real people live banal lives, date, fall in love, break up. Or get married, have kids, grow up and grow old together.

Real people aren’t awake at four am because their crush’s date is mewling from the opposite side of the apartment.

You didn’t want to ask yourself questions.

You wanted to sleep and possibly wake up cold. That is, dead.

She mewled. Of course, not actually cat sounds but rather that kind of small, shy squeals that usually mean “I’m shy but I love whatever this person is doing”.

You didn’t allow yourself to dig into that.

You just turned to the other side and pressed the spare pillow against your head, trying to mute the sounds — and maybe mute your thoughts in the process.

Maybe accidentally suffocate yourself.

It was ridiculous.

This had happened about a month ago, with reversed roles — you being the squealer and Seokjin being the unfortunate listener.

You wondered whether he had felt just like you were feeling at that moment.

You thought about wearing your headphones and blasting some music. You thought about rushing out of the apartment and smashing the door on your way out.

You knew you had no one to call, no one who could rescue you at four am on a winter night, sheltering you from the shards of your heart precipitating and stabbing your guts.

Maybe you were allucinating. Maybe it was the sound of your pulse getting too loud because you didn’t trust yourself breathing without emitting a sob.

No, it was the headboard. There was no other way to explain the thumping.

You turned and grabbed your phone, sending a hopeless shout in the void. Just a text to the one most likely to answer, even though the chances were pretty thin.

Are you awake? Perhaps?

The thumping subdued.

Your vision blurred as you stared and stared, occasionally tapping the screen and praying for a miracle.

You thought you had fallen asleep, trapped in a nightmare, when a small bubble appeared.

On the hunt. We’re just back from Mulbreigh field. I guess you’re home?”

You shook yourself up and got moving, not even caring to keep quiet. The thumping had resumed, and so had the mewling.

At Ginger’s in five.

Gotcha.

You did exit the apartment in a few minutes, grabbing just the bare necessities, and closing the door quietly.

By now you were familiar with nightly runaways.

And you were also familiar with the trio headed toward you.

“Buttercup, is that you?” A calm, familiar voice asked.

“Joon?”

“Yeah, it’s us. We have just one field left.” He said. “We’re hoping to get the last one in time for the meteor shower.”

You raised your eyebrows. “There’s a meteor shower tonight?”

The other man at Namjoon’s side was a vet from a city nearby, who occasionally helped him track new wild animals that inhabited the area. “Yes. At around five am. It will be barely visible, but it will be there. Nice to see you, Buttercup.”

“Hello Marcus, always a pleasure.” You said kindly, still shaking your head at the nickname. Shortly after, you noticed the third man greeting you. “Hi Buttercup!”

“Hello Guk!” You said. “How many did you find?”

“We found three owls and got them chipped and registered. And we found a new fox, just out of Mulbreigh. We’re going to track him or her soon, hopefully. No wolves, fortunately.”

You smiled. “That’s good news!” You said enthusiastically, thinking about how the farmer would have menaced those. The four of you walked toward the last location, taking a long path stretching north. 

“We’re hoping to find deers, honestly. Remember when we found that doe, last year? Apparently she found a way to remove her tracker and we’re hoping we can keep her monitored, just in case she has more fawns this year.” Marcus explained, at which you nodded in interest. 

Staying focused allowed you to remove some thoughts from your mind, but at the same time you kept yourself out of their way, letting the experts work, following them from a distance as they combed the field and placed pheromones signals around the area, hoping to attract the doe to the trees near the field, where it was easier to find her traces and where it was potentially easier to catch her.

“There’s no point going on here,” commented Marcus. “We can only wait. It might take weeks.”

Namjoon huffed and nodded. “Oh, there!” He said, pointing up. A white sign resembling a scratch slashed the horizon in the west, Jeongguk whipping his head in the direction, his pretty eyes widening in wonder as he saw one more shooting star zoom through the sky lighting up at dawn in such delicate shades, from rose to periwinkle to deep royal blue.

For a moment you stared at the sky, feeling its immensity, peace and beauty heal you slowly and steadily. How could such tiny human matters affect its infinity? You let your eyes drown in the greatness of everything, with the snowcaps rimmed in gold in the distance, and the meteors becoming invisible as the sky finally became too bright.

“Guk, Buttercup, why don’t you head home while me and Marcus drive back at the cabin and finish up the paperwork?” Namjoon suggested, by now extremely used to his routine.

Jeongguk looked intermittently at you and Namjoon, adorably confused before he nodded.

“Okay.” He agreed.

You smiled timidly before thanking him, the two of you starting your walk back to town. It was a thirty minute trek, at worst, but you were both fast walkers and in twenty-five you reached his small house. Bibby, his large, scary dog — who of course is a sweetheart, just like his owner — welcomed both of you, the oversized puppy throwing himself at you and barking just once before Jeongguk shushed him.

“How come you joined us?” Jeongguk asked, uncapping his orange juice bottle and pouring a glass, offering you some while you shook your head and declined politely.

You crossed your arms, your stance becoming defensive. You fidgeted and tried to speak, starting a couple times before stopping and starting again, trying to build an actual sentence.

Jeongguk looked at you and waited patiently. He was familiar with the blabbering, stuttering and reformulating.

“Okay. Don’t say this to Yoongi, but… Yeah, he took Grace home last night— That is, he brought her to the apartment and they… Slept together?” You said, your voice so squeaky by the time you said the final word.

“And by ‘sleeping’ you mean everything but, right?” Jeongguk asked tactfully.

You nodded and looked at the floor, busying yourself petting Bibby.

“I’m so sorry, Buttercup.” He said, coming close to you and caressing your back soothingly.

You didn’t have the energies to cry. You probably would, in a while, after waking up.

“You need some sleep, don’t you, Buttercup?” Jeongguk asked, patting your head.

Again you replied wordlessly, moving your head in approval.

“Bibby is a great nap buddy, and I can get the futon ready and let you sleep there.” He reassured you, already fluffing up the pillows and grabbing an extra blanket.

“I’d like to sleep on the sofa, please?” You said, sitting down and removing your shoes, Bibby immediately getting interested in your wiggling toes.

“Oh, you’d like that?” He asked in surprise, “try it first, I can still get the futon ready if you don’t like this old guy.” He joked about the piece of furniture.

You laid on your side, wiggling a little as you found the right position. “Can do.” You said with a barely-there smile. “Thank you, Guk.”

“It’s okay.” He said, throwing the blanket on top of you. “This one is just for guests. I washed it last weekend, don’t worry.” He reassured you.

Knowing Jeongguk, you didn’t even mind. He is a neat freak and a tattoo artist: cleanliness means everything to him. “Can I seriously keep Bibby?” You asked, soft eyed.

He beamed and nodded. “He only sleeps on the sofa.” He said proudly and, as if following his owner’s praise, Bibby climbed on the cushions, curling up in the space before you and laying his head on your arm, using it as a pillow.

You giggled and scratched the spot behind his ear.

“Ask me if you need anything.” Jeongguk murmured. “I’ll leave my door open, just in case you need help or something.” He commented sweetly, closing the blinds to the several windows before walking to the kitchen and coming back to you, placing a bottle of water close to you.

He noticed Bibby was already asleep and he caressed the dog’s head before whispering “sleep tight”.

You heard him leave the room. You closed your eyes, feeling Bibby’s lungs inflate and deflate regularly, his heartbeat strong, his short fur velvety and relaxing under your fingertips.

You fell asleep like a baby.

Waking up meant a lot of things happening altogether.

Realising Bibby was in your arms.

Realising you were on Jeongguk’s sofa.

Realising you were heartbroken and that the idea of going back home nauseated you so deeply you couldn’t even remotely consider it.

Jeongguk greeted you from the kitchen. “You’re up, Buttercup!” He cheered, while Bibby turned around and placed his big head under your chin, shading his eyes. He always marvelled you with his curious manners. “It’s midday, would you like brunch?”

You sniffed the air. Bacon and eggs.

“Yes, please.”

Bibby seemed to follow your lead, sniffing the air and running to his owner, acting way faster than you.

“Okay, what do we wanna do?” Jeongguk  asked once you were both seated at the kitchen table.

You ate some food, chewing quietly as you thought. You took your time.

“Honestly, I don't feel like going home, I guess.” You said, staring at your dish. You felt a bit lost.

“We can hang out. Watch TV, meet the guys, do anything you want.” Jeongguk said.

“I was thinking of… No, it's okay, I should go home.”

“But you don't want to.” Jeongguk opposed.

“No, but I don't want to go back later tonight and find myself dreading sleeping in my room.” You said. You couldn't explain the emptiness in your stomach as you thought of the room.

“You know you can stay here as long as you want, right? I have a spare room. We can put the futon there.” He said touching your hand.

That small sentence felt like the water threatening to drown you was slowly lowering.

“I don't want to abuse your kindness.” You admitted shyly, softly.

“I am your friend. It is my duty to help you” He reassured you.

You mulled over your various possibilities. “Okay. But I'd like to go home and grab some stuff. Maybe they're not around.” You considered, looking at Jeongguk doubtfully.

“It's okay. We can go together.”

You exhaled in relief.

Standing in front of the apartment door, you took a deep breath, Jeongguk rubbing his hand between your shoulder blades, over your jacket.

You could already hear them laughing and chatting.

You slipped the keys into the lock and opened the door.

“I'll wait here, yes?” Jeongguk reassured you.

You nodded and went in, walking to your room hesitantly, only to be completely overwhelmed by the sight in the kitchen.

Jin was standing behind Grace, helping her prepare his special avocado sandwich, an elaborate mug topped with whipped cream and crushed almonds waiting beside her while the breakfast table was filled with any kind of breakfast and brunch food one could only dream of.

However, what truly unsettled you was Grace, wearing an oversized shirt — Jin's — bare-legged, with Granny's thick handmade socks covering her feet and calves.

Seokjin said something in her ear and she giggled cutely, throwing her head back and leaning into his shoulder.

They ignored you completely, caught in their happy bubble, while you hid slightly.

You refused to hold on, rushing back to the front door.

Jeongguk spoke softly. “Where's your stuff?”

You shook your head.

“I'm coming with you.” He said, placing his hand on the small of your back and leading you inside, closing the door noisily.

“Hello, we're here.” He called loudly, bringing the two of you to the kitchen.

Seokjin's eyes zeroed in to the place the man's voice had come from, spotting you instead.

So this is it, he thought.

He. Grace.

You. Jeongguk.

Jeongguk?

His jaw contracted.

“Buttercup came by to grab some things. It won't take long, will it, sweets?”

You widened your eyes at him and shook your head. “Yes, sure.”

You almost ran to your bedroom, picking up the most basic stuff to spend a night out and to head off to lessons the following morning.

In the bathroom, you collected your toothbrush and beauty products before returning to the kitchen, your bag ready.

“Good to go, sweets?” He questioned, looking at you with his expressive, gleeful eyes.

You nodded and gave him the tiniest of smiles. “Let's go.”

Jeongguk turned towards Jin and Grace. “Have a nice afternoon, goodbye!” He greeted, letting you wave at the two before dragging you out, not before offering Seokjin a smug grin and winking.

Wearing that mask took a toll on him. He hated what Seokjin had done to you through the years, acting like a protective older brother without being one. He hated that the man kept you emotionally busy and never let you out of his influence. Most of your past relationships had dramatically been brought to an end by Seokjin's asphyxiating presence, by the incapability of your partners to rival with your best friend.

He had ruined you for everyone else, and Jeongguk couldn't find any words to define how cruel that was.

“Are you doing okay, Buttercup?” He asked.

You smiled a bit coldly.

“I'm sorry you had to see that.” He opened the door and let you in, Bibby welcoming the both of you.

“It's okay. They've been dating for more than a month now. He's been by himself for a long time–”

“But he had you!” Jeongguk objected as he took off his jacket.

Your mouth stretched sadly. “Not like that.”

Jeongguk scrunched his nose in disappointment. “Okay. You know I’ve had the biggest crush over you. And we know that by now it’s just water under the bridge. And maybe I never told you but it was so easy to get over you — no offence — since to me, actually to all of us, you and Jin have always belonged to each other. It’s canon. Anyone else would be wrong for the two of you. Obviously.”

You completely ignored Jeongguk’s mention of those old feelings. You already knew; it was all water under the bridge — just like he said — and the two had discussed it years ago. Instead, you focused on the belonging part. “He has Grace now. They’ve been dating for what? Six weeks?”

“He’s been in love with you for four years!” Jeongguk said, slightly upset.

“Well, apparently he didn’t do a great job of showing that! And it doesn’t matter now. He has Grace.” You repeated.

“The two of you are so stupidly dumb, I need to call Yoongi.” Jeongguk said, absolutely frustrated.

Silence lingered heavy in the room, like a thick fog. “Don’t call Yoongi, please.” You said, sitting on the sofa and curling up in a ball. “He’ll scold me and then snap at Jin and then Spice will kill all of us for stressing him and interrupting their kinky Sunday afternoon.”

Jeongguk startled and put down the phone. “Kinky Sunday afternoon? Is that a thing?”

“With Spice, anything is a thing, especially if it means alone time with Yoongi.” You explained, scratching your nose and hugging Bibby as he got on the sofa.

“Okay. Let’s think about happier, less traumatising things. Do you wanna watch some TV? I have some Disney DVDs from when Namjoon comes over. No Bambi and Dumbo because those make him cry.” Jeongguk said, exposing his friend shamelessly. “And I don’t want to pay for Disney plus, Yoongi would disown me and I would never tattoo him anymore and I don’t want that.”

You giggled, completely endeared. “Do you think you have Tangled?”

“Oh, yes!” Jeongguk checked the case and placed the CD in his PlayStation. “Namjoon loves Pascal. The chameleon.” Jeongguk gushed, sitting on the sofa, switching on a small lamp. “Oh, would you like some popcorn?” He asked, ever friendly and welcoming.

You smirked before nodding.

Pausing the film, he dashed to the kitchen, getting a bag into the microwave and coming back five minutes later with a large bowl, the whole room smelling of salted butter.

You hummed in approval and settled down, Bibby miraculously uninterested in the snack. He restarted the film and your mind got completely absorbed by that.

Seokjin was confused.

He had accompanied Grace home, and now he sat in an empty room — an empty house —, looking at the opposite end of the table, where you weren’t sitting.

Did you sleep with Jeongguk for revenge?

Did you maybe talk to him and he made his move and you said ‘why not’, just like you had with that dude almost a month ago?

Maybe you liked him. Maybe you had always liked him and the two of you had confessed — he had a different gleam in his eyes and he had called you ‘sweetie’ or some other dumb nickname like that.

He should have confessed. He should have stopped hiding his head in his ass and should have grown a pair and told you, Buttercup, I’m so far gone that I’d be ready to serve you for the rest of my life, hell, I’d even donate you my sperm if your husband was infertile and you wanted kids. I’d even give up a kidney, fuck, I’d give up my heart too for you.

He was a dumb, stupid fucker.

He wrote you a text.

I’m sorry about fucking Grace, please come home.

Erased

Please come home. We need to talk. I’m in love with you.

Erased

Don’t fuck Jeongguk, you can fuck me instead, please.

Erased

He realised he always wrote ‘please’, and the more he went on, the more he needed to add.

He tried to stop overthinking everything and focused on the actual reality of it all.

He stared at your empty seat again.

Are you coming home for dinner?

Sent

The silence felt eternal.

That must be how space rovers feel, he thought, thinking about that tiny robot that wandered over the surface of Mars all alone.

He felt like the whole apartment couldn’t possibly be home anymore.

He shook his head, telling himself he was being melodramatic. After five minutes, he decided to call you. You always answered texts about food! You knew how much it meant to him eating together!

With renewed tenacity, he found your contact at the very top of the list, three A’s added before your name to make sure it always stayed on top of the list.

And he called you.

The beeping sound of the call ringing went on for ages. He swore he could feel his hair grow and his skin wither.

He waited maybe for a bit less than a minute, his mind already knowing that you were upset with him, that you were making him wait and grovel. You were trying to get on his nerves. Most definitely.

The ringing stopped.

“What is it?”

It was Jeongguk.

“Is she with you?” Seokjin asked, cold as ice.

“Yes. Of course.”

“When is she coming home?” Jin asked dryly. He felt ready for a fight.

“When she wants to.” Jeongguk replied equally dryly.

“Give her the phone.”

Jeongguk breathed heavily. He didn’t want to pass the phone to you. Seokjin had no right claiming you like that, using that voice, acting so mean when he was the one at fault. “She’s sleeping.” It was true. You were really sleeping; you had completely crashed at the end of the cartoon, with Bibby keeping you warm and covering you in affection, never leaving your side. After all, some dogs have a sense of smell so fine that they can sniff at their owner’s skin and perceive the hormones making their human happy or sad.

Seokjin waited, trying to calm himself down. It didn’t work. “I bet you’re gloating. You finally have her, don’t you? You must be feeling so smug.”

Jeongguk stretched his neck, keeping his composure. “I don’t have her, okay? She came to me and I gave her space. I gave her somewhere safe—”

“Our home is safe.” Jin growled. “Here is safe.”

“With you breaking her heart by banging that girl you don’t love?”

“She also banged a man she didn’t give a shit about.”

Jeongguk raised his eyebrows. “Did you bang Grace for revenge, then?”

“No. God, I’ve been alone for years, can’t I have one good thing?” Seokjin almost screamed, his frustration spilling over.

“Maybe she banged him to get over you. Maybe she did that because she’s tired of being alone, too.” Jeongguk explained, his tone glacial. His anger was scary — it didn’t explode or break. It froze everything it touched. “You hurt her. The moment you chose Grace, and with every date you went on. When you went to her on Valentine’s, when you banged her the other night. And there’s a difference. The dude she banged? That was just sex. But you and Grace? There are feelings there. That’s the part she can’t stand. This morning, when she saw the two of you in the kitchen? You broke her heart, Jin. She was broken—”

“But you fixed that, didn’t you, sweetie?” He teased, sarcastic and poisonous.

“Stop talking about my feelings for her.” Jeongguk chastised him. “Unlike you, I told her. I told her I had had a crush for her. I told her three years ago and I also told her that my feelings died down once I realised how she looked at you and how you looked at her. And we’re friends, we’re cool. I would never be able to look at her like anything more than a sister.”

Seokjin shut his mouth. He felt horrible. Maybe because he was horrible. He needed your sparkly laugh and your soothing touch. To talk things out about last night. Make everything right again. “Please, convince her to come home.”

Jeongguk tutted. “I won’t. She’ll come if she wants to. At her own time.”

“Jeongguk...” Seokjin begged.

“You both need to move on from this toxic bond. And there’s no way other than separating. Physically first, and emotionally second.” Jeongguk reasoned, repeating something he and Yoongi had discussed a thousand times.

“She is my friend.”

“You’re not hers, though. You are the person she loves, and the person hurting her. She deserves a real chance, away from you.” Jeongguk rubbed the crown of his head. “I have to go. Goodnight.”

He hung up.

------------------------------------------

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7 (7/7)

[madroxed]

spike/buffy

buddy.

pal.

holy shit. this is the big one. this is the ship i could write essays on. (uh. and did to some extent given my dissertation ten years ago was centred on buffy. don’t think i don’t have opinions.)

buffy was my first fandom. i was eleven and the show was still airing and i went on my shitty desktop home computer and waited five minutes for the internet to load so i could see if maybe, possibly, somewhere someone else in the world had written a romantic story about buffy and spike too.

they had.

quite a lot of them had.

i have loved them for two thirds of my life, and nothing - not even j*ss whed*ns shitty terrible revenge fantasy plot lines - could make me stop. buffy summers is, and will always be, my ultimate girl. she is my favourite character on the show by a clear mile and one of my favourites in general of all time. she is just... so important. spike could have been a lot of things, and instead he was interesting. the show, in lots of ways, screwed up with spike. not just the way they changed his personality or wrote stupid episodes, but in creating him at all.

soulless vampires can’t love, the show said. proved it with angel.

meanwhile, here’s spike who does. oh, sure, you can argue it’s not love, it’s obsession, blah blah blah blah blah. bullshit. spike has always been able to love because it was so integral to who he was as a human and it transferred into who he was as a vampire. 

season six spuffy is a mess. truly, it is a conversation on toxic relationships that people love to spout about now but was actually visible and visibly dealt with on screen. conversations were had. healing was done. we all joined together in a world wide dose of shooting j*ss the finger as james marsters had it put in his contract he’d never film a scene like that again. season six spuffy gave weight to season seven spuffy. (season five, for all its disasters and buffybots, is still my favourite.)

the biggest surprise of my loving spike/buffy for as long as i have is that it’s made me appreciate buffy/angel more. once upon a time that was a no go. if people thought ship wars were bad now... but really i can thoroughly enjoy buffy/angel now because i can see if for what it is and also as a necessary step in bringing about spike/buffy and angel/cordelia. (and, look, i can ship spike/buffy/angel, you know i can.)

tldr; spike/buffy is one of three overwhelmingly formative ships in my life and i will love them for always.

edit: omg i forgot to say that i’m so glad they got to have a proper go of it in the comics and even though it didn’t last, them getting to actually be in love and in a relationship is the only thing i actually needed from the sequel series and yet somehow it still doesn’t make up for the true demonic abhorrence that was xander/dawn.

[send me a ship!]

[sandalaris]

10 for 10 for 10

I’ve been tagged by @yossariandawn Thanks for thinking of me! and for all the great questions! (and sorry it took so long. I had a hard time thinking of 10 questions of my own.)

Answer 10 questions, ask 10 questions, tag 10 people.

1. If you could learn a new skill instantly, what would you choose? I’m not sure. I think that if it’s a skill you really enjoy than taking the time to learn becomes part of the enjoyment, so it’d have to be a skill I either only kind of wanted or that I felt was a need over a want. Oo, MMA, good exercise and the ability to defend myself or someone else if I ever need to, and it’s not something I feel really passionately about going through the process of learning.

2. What part of the world (that you’ve never been to) would you choose to live in for a month? Hyère, France. Don’t even have to think about it. About eight years ago I was planning a move and it was on the short list of places I was considering going to. The climate seemed the most ideal to what I wanted to live in and all the pictures were beautiful. 

3. Favorite kind of sandwich or wrap? Grilled cheese? I don’t like sandwiches (or wraps) typically.

4. Show swap! Bring back 3 shows you love, but you also have to choose 3 you like to cancel instead. Oo, gotta think about this one. I don’t want to bring back a show that was already past its peak and I don’t want to say to cancel a show that isn’t ready to end.

Cancel: (I stuck only with shows that I watch and enjoy so I’m not digging at any show just because it’s not my personal preference)

NCIS – I love the show, seen every last episode and will continue watching it until the end, but it’s time for it to wrap up. It well past its prime.

Lucifer – Listen, I love this show, and there’s a ton of great characters and material here to make a long running series, but they have started going in circles with it and that’s making it feel old. How many times can the same characters learn the same lessons before it just feels like the writers are just forcing things back into the same ol’ mold? Let the story grow or move on.

Shameless – It’s a stretch because the finale season has already been declared, but it’s a show that I don’t really need that finale season, even if I will watch and enjoy it, because it’s reached its natural end.

Bring back:

From Dusk till Dawn: the series – I debated on this one. It wrapped everything up so nicely and I’m quite happy with how it ended, but at the same time the writers had plans for the next season and it was never officially cancelled and there’s so much more story that could be told.

Firefly – Although it’s been enough time that it might have to be more of a reboot maybe? Or are we doing the impossible and it’s coming back shortly after it was canceled? Either way, that show was cancelled way too soon.

The Gifted – Yes, it was a bit cheesy but it’s just as good, if not better than, a lot of the comicbook shows still going AND it ended on a cliffhanger. It needed to continue

5. What fandom would you want to get into, but haven’t yet? I don’t know. I feel like I don’t exactly pick my fandoms. I start watching a show or go see a movie or read a book and then if I feel like looking up fandom stuff after I do.  

6. What show or movie do you watch to cheer you up? Probably Community. It’s a good show that has that nice balance of being a ridiculous comedy, but not too silly at the same time. And it hits so many of my favorite tropes. (Leverage could also count.)

7. Favorite condiments? ….salt? That’s technically a seasoning, but I am not a condiment fan. They are mostly gross and just cover up the flavor the food with their grossness.

8. What characters (from different universes) do you think would love hanging out together? Pick as many as you want. I wrote for fun a Kisa (FDtD) and Troy (Community) scene and discovered I really like them interacting (there was other people in the scene, but they stole all my attention in a matter of moments). They connected in a weird way and I loved writing Kisa’s bizarre and confused reactions to Troy. Britta (Community) and Richie (FDtD) would get along well I think. They’d click in that odd way that Richie has with random people and Britta would be a little too oblivious to Richie’s more social flaws/creepy nature, as is her way when it comes to guys with even the tiniest bit of charm and intelligence. Not gonna lie, I kind of ship them now.

I would also put Shawn from Psych with the entire Leverage crew. Sophie is the only one I feel would find him a bit much at times, mainly because she can spot a grift a mile away and Shawn’s kind of always “on” and think it would mess with her trust issues too much for her to be entirely comfortable around him. Nate sees his potential, especially if Shawn’s been brought in to help on a job, and the guy is ultimately one of the Good Guys, and he would go a long way to helping put Sophie at ease. Because Nate’s too smart to be taken in by someone like Shawn and Sophie wouldn’t feel like she’s the only one who sees him for the conartist he is. Eliot would groan and grumble for show, but in the end Shawn’s like a combination of  his two favorite people in the world; Parker and Hardison. Plus, I headcanon Shawn and Eliot as cousins. I think Hardison might find Shawn a little too like himself to ever be best buddies with the guy, but overall they’d get along just fine. As for Parker... I feel like they’d be almost like two kids on the playground who both found out they like the same obscure cartoon none of the other kids have seen. 

I have a little headcanon about Parker (Leverage) and Clint Barton (MCU) having been in the same foster home as kids and having this kind of a past-sibling-esque connection. I like to think that with both their careers they don’t meet up often, but whenever they realize they are in the same place at the same time, it’s a given that they’ll hang out while there.

My roommate keeps yelling over my shoulder Starlord and Micheal (from the movie starring John Travolta) until I agreed to put them. They would get along in a weird sort of fun way that would be fun to watch but hard to be a part of, but since I haven’t see that movie since I was a kid it’s not one I think of.

9. What’s the most underrated show or movie or book or artist that you love and people should really check out?

Ilona Andrews is an amazing author and more people should check their works out. But the most underrated show I think I’ve ever gotten into… honestly would probably be From Dusk till Dawn. I feel like most of my followers are at least aware of it though because I post enough about it, but it was just really good and sort of cut off before its time. A really close second would be Leverage. It’s still the number one show I recommend when people ask me and I just adore it to pieces.

10. What were you obsessed with as a kid?

So many things, but probably Jasmine from Disney’s Aladdin the most. Pretty sure I named more than one stuffed animal after her.

My questions:

1.      What was your first fandom? Are you still a part of it?

2.      Current self care method(s)?

3.      What are three (3) shows you keep meaning to binge watch but haven’t yet?

4.      Do you stay active in fandoms after a new one catches your eye, or are you more a one at a time person?

5.      What was the last movie you saw with someone else? What would you rate it?

6.      Favorite guilty pleasure?

7.      What’s a highly underrated show/movie/book series that you would recommend?

8.      Any new hobbies you’ve started during quarantine? Any you want to start?

9.      What meme do you wish would just die already?

10.  Spread the love to your followers and post at least one link to a fic you’re reading/have read/wish to read/you’ve written yourself/etc. 

I tag: @shyesplease @valeskaj @ithoughtiwasflying @c-sand @mygutsforgarters @bethanyactually @crystallinee-waters @evanberries @nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather @katwithlove and anyone else who wants to do answer! Seriously, I love having people respond even if I didn’t tag someone. 

[deepdisireslonging]

Corrupting Sin

Prompt: “Hi. I love your blog so much. I was wondering since there isn't that much stuff of Seth Gecko from the series from dusk till dawn. Maybe you can write a smut about him?” [Any particular episodes or details I should pay attention to?] “Season 2 episode 1 is a really good episode to kinda get a feel of what Seth is like after Richie turned and what not. And the reader can take place of Kate (the girl who is traveling with Seth) or could be with them both? And tells him what she really thinks about him. Sorry if this is bad Lol not really a used to this” [You did great! I hope you like how this turned out!]

Pairing: Seth Gecko x Reader (Y/N) [No mention of Kate, sorry]

Warnings/Promises: talk of show-like violence, almost drug use, language, SMUT, dirty talk, bonus accidental Princess Bride quote

Word Count: 1760

Note: My goodness, why is this so long? Because it’s smut filled; that’s why! Oops, haha. I lost count of how many sitting this took, but it came out great. And doing research was a lot of fun (watching and reading.) Thanks for the request. Don’t forget to reblog it; comments and gif reactions are much appreciated!

“What the hell was that?” Seth’s gun clattered across the table. The meager bag of money bounced off the bed onto the floor.

“The guy was trying to be a hero,” you said, “so I kicked him in the balls.”

“And then his buddy slapped you. So I had to drop ‘im.” Seth stormed past you, making sure to bump your shoulder on the way by. The not so secret black bag in his stuff landed on the bed next.

You shook your head, apologetic. “Please… don’t. I’m sorry.”

But he continued to unpack. Out came the syringe. The spoon. Your hand on his finally stopped his practiced movements.

“I don’t want to watch you shoot up again.”

Seth wrapped the elastic around his arm. “Then leave. Go study your notes. Don’t come back if you don’t like what you see.”

“What if the problem is that I do like what I see. But I don’t like watching him pump himself full of poison.” You kept your eyes downcast, waiting for the next smart retort. When it didn’t come, you looked up. Seth had leaned back against the headboard.

He licked his bottom lip. “If you can’t allow my sin… did you have something else in mind?”

This was a switch. Did you miss something? Had he already shot up? Because there was no way he was actually saying this while being fully sober. Then again, you had mentioned your sort of crush on the Gecko brother.

“If it takes that long for you to think about it, forget it.” Seth reached for his stuff again. Again, you got in the way.

It was your turn to lick your lip. Stalling for time. “We’ve both lost people. And we could lose each other at any second, knowing what we do. If we do this, if I become your new ‘sin’… this stuff goes. Even if you lose me too. Deal?” All you could, or wanted, to see was your hand sitting over his. Seth crooked his finger under your chin and angled your face to look up at him.

“The poison is already there, sweetheart. I can’t promise that I’m not going to drift back to it now and again. But I would appreciate the help. I don’t… I don’t want a thirst of any kind ruling me like one’s ruling… Richie.” His thumb caught over your chin, giving him enough leverage to pull your face closer to his leaning to meet you. “But do you really want this? Or were you just saying it to keep me from doin’ my thing?”

“I really mean it, Seth.” You’d spoken without really thinking. Then again, you’d wanted this since surviving till that first morning.

His touch was gone for just long enough to get rid of his stuff. Then his hands were back, cupping your face gently. The things on the bed were pushed out of the way easily to make room for two sitting spots. He hesitated for another moment, making you think he was second-guessing himself. In the next moment, you finally got to taste his lips. He hummed into your mouth moving slow and deliberate. Damn this man. He was learning you. Which direction to tilt to match. How much to press forward. How much to lean back so you’d chase him. Seth’s thumbs smoothed down your neck, his other fingers curling in your hair at the base of your neck. You reached up to do the same.

He chuckled and nuzzled his nose across your cheek. “How much sin are you willing to give?”

“I don’t know. How much will it take to re-corrupt you?”

Seth laughed back in his throat. While his hands fell down to your hips, his smile kissed down your neck. You controlled what clothes moved. His shirt. Yours. You tried to open his belt buckle but sat back when you couldn’t. No quips from him, though you could tell they were on the tip of his tongue. Standing, Seth smirked and made a show of undoing the buckle and lowering his jeans. Before he could get them much past his hips, you hooked a finger in his boxers.

“These too?”

The boxers went too. Even the heat of the room wasn’t enough to stifle the heat rising under your skin and racing through your veins. You didn’t notice the rest of your clothing being removed. Or how grimy the sheets felt under your skin. Instead, there was Seth. His tattoos rippling under your fingertips. His lips latching around your perked nipples. And his length hard and trapped between you. He caught your wrists as you tried to reach for him, pinning them on either side of your head.

With a wicked grin that made your whine catch in your throat, he kissed between your breasts. It was a distraction. Your wrists were shifted to one hand above your head. The other suddenly cupped at your sex. It was inevitable that you were going to buck onto his hand. If anything, that’s what Seth wanted.

“You going to cum all over my fingers, Princess?” He worked up past the hollow of your throat to your pulse point. “I bet I can make you scream just with these.” To emphasize that point, he roughly curled two fingers. His knee kept you from squeezing your thighs together. “See? Sinning so well for me already.”

A spark shot down to your toes as he did it again, pressing the heel of his palm into your clit. The rasp already in your voice distorted your words.

“What was that? I didn’t catch it.”

Cheeky.

“Please, Seth… need you.”

He huffed a laugh under your jaw. “Nuh-uh. Not until you’ve cum. Not until I’ve begun to corrupt you too.”

Seth pulled back as you arched into his chest. All the while, he kept working you, teasing your clit, making you gasp and moan. You knew he wanted to make you scream. He was nearly there. The arch in your back gave him an advantage. Again, he took your nipple into his mouth, sucking on it like you knew he’d do to your clit given another chance. Your whines reached a tipping point. Seth moved on to the other, giving it the same attention as the first. His hips began to rock, sliding his cock over your hip. So close. But not until you gave him what he wanted.

The quickening of his movements sent you over. And yes, screaming. But without the oxygen that he’d been stealing from you by sucking on your breasts made it weak. It stuttered out quickly without nearly enough power to satisfy your hungry lover.

“Well that won’t do,” he said, sitting back perplexed. That didn’t last long. He leaned forward again, nose to nose. “A deeper approach should work.”

Finally, your hands were released. But it was so he could control your hips with a vice-like grip after moving you up to rest on the pillows. There wasn’t room for you to wriggle or to try and get away. Chest heaving, you did your best to prepare for whatever he had planned. He noticed your unease and titled his head, refusing to go any further until you spoke up.

You nodded. “I’m ready. Just please, Seth, fuck me.”

“As you wish, Princess.”

But he didn’t fill you immediately. No, Seth wanted to get every ounce of pleasure out of you. Se he moved slowly. Rolling his hips to only give you less than an inch at a time. If it was this easy for him to make you breathless, you should have given into this a long time ago. You clawed down his forearms. When he was fully sheathed, he fell forward, bracing himself on either side of your hips. You were ready. You were ready a lifetime ago. Without his hands blocking your hips, you could circle up to hopefully get him to move. His hands flashed back to their position.

Seth did move though. Slow and irritating, but oh so blissfully eye-crossing. He leaned down to nip at his favorite spot between your breasts as you arched. “That’s it,” he whispered. The need to see you fall apart cracked. He moved just a little faster, eyes bright with watching your mouth fall open from where you’d been biting your lip. Then a bit more. Your nails dug into his wrists. You pulled him down so you could feel his chest heaving against yours.

There you both hovered. Somewhere between ice and passion-consuming fire. Where you were connected, Seth slammed into you over and over. With a slight dip of your head, you could just see him filling you with each thrust. And you could see your body resisting to let him go. Titling your head, you gave him access to your neck to suck as dark a mark as he wanted. Your resolve, your fear, and your walls were broken. What were a few broken blood vessels in the shape of his tasting you?

Behind his back, you locked your ankles. He angled your hips back, giving him a deeper reach. You cried out. Triumphant, Seth kept spearing that point. He explored around there, searching for the spot that would make you really loud. Finding that spot made your walls clamp around him. He gasped into your neck and faltered in his pace.

“That feel good, Princess?” he moaned. Seth kept speaking, revealing how delirious you made him. “You feel so good. Taking me like this. Marking me. Those sounds. You sound so wrecked, Princess.” A growl shuddered through him as you scraped your nails down his back. “You make me so wrecked.”

Whimpers of pleasure gave way to clipped screams of desperation. So close. A little bit more and he’d have the sin that he wanted. You would be fully corrupted.

You came, screaming into his shoulder and melting. Seth continued to control the last movements of your body until he too went rigid before collapsing beside you. He rolled onto his back and pulled you half over him, amused by how your arm raised up and down on his chest.

The room over, someone banged on the wall and shouted words too muffled to understand.

Seth banged back. “Oh hell no,” he muttered. “I hope you’re up for more, Princess, because I’m about to annoy the hell outa that asshole.”

He pulled you to sit across his stomach, ignoring your exhausted squeak of surprise.

“How ‘bout we try this with you on top this time?”

Masterlist 

Forever Tags: @allidoisreadsmut @blondekel77 @hallemichelles @laochbaineann @ramblingsofabourbondrinker @savmontreal @southsidebucky @tinyelfperson 

[neighbours-kid]

Oh, 2019, What A Year You Were.

It is now a bit before 6pm on January 01, 2020. I just finished unpacking after coming home from my short holiday escape to Berlin for New Year’s with my best friend and frequent travel buddy. My feet are tired, my back hurts, and I’m sitting in bed now, thinking back on this last year and, it’s kind of hard for me to decide if it was a good year or less so.

My 2019 was not as eventful as my 2018. There was no large adventure to speak of like going to New York City for six months, or having to adjust back to life in Switzerland after that. 2019 was just…..uni. The same old trudge of going to class and thinking about texts that should be read (but wouldn’t be), the same old treading water without direction, stuck in one place, unsure what comes next. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like looking back on it.

When I did this looking back the last time, 2018 was not quite over yet. It was still December, I had a few more days of uni to go, all the Christmases and other celebrations still before me. At that point, I had no idea that I would meet a couple of people at the Christmas Party of our English Department and that these people would be largely responsible for tipping the scale of 2019 into ‘good’.

But I did. I did meet these lovely people I get to call something akin to family today. It’s only been a year, and I can’t quite believe it. Found family has always been my favourite trope in storytelling, and this little group of weirdos is exactly that. And to quote my favourite little alien creature, this is my family. I found it, all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good.

These people are not perfect, they’re not flawless, they’re not angels. But they have more humanity between them than I’ve seen in a long fucking while. We’re all broken people, none of us is any better than the next, but we have heart. And I love them all so fucking much. They have all coloured in parts of my year in their own colours and I could not be happier about it. They’re a bunch of fucking weirdo nerds, but they’re my bunch of fucking weirdo nerds.

* * *

This year was, while largely uneventful, also very special in its own way. You know, after talking to my doc to get a date for a transgender consultation, my plan was basically to wait until I got it all lined up nicely, got my first shot of testosterone and then be like "hello world, this is happening, and if you have anything against it, whoops, too late.” Well, it didn’t quite work out like that. If you’ve been keeping up with this blog or my life in general, you know that my anxious ass decided to have a nervous break in the middle of January and come out to literally everyone then and there. And you know what? It’s good.

I’m not where I want to be, not at all. After January, I had expectations for 2019, I had hopes and dreams, wishes and plans. Unfortunately, that lead to a series of events that is tipping the scale of this year into ‘bad’. I wrote about this extensively before, but the process of starting testosterone is a long and tedious one and I am still not where I want to be, even after this entire year, but I currently see a shiny dot on the horizon that looks very promising in that department, and if everything goes as it should, it won’t be long now until I can start with the hormone treatment.

2019 started me down a road of self-discovery that is more open and public than it was before, and I am glad for it. But I don’t want to linger on that part of my year for too long. Let us look back for a while, relive some moments here and there.

On the train home from the airport today, I thought about what I did exactly one year ago. After everyone who had been at my place for New Year’s had left around lunch time on January 01, 2019, I had sat down in front of my TV and started a very movie and tv show heavy year. Over the course of this entire year, I noted down every movie and tv show episode, every short film and comedy special, everything that I watched. It…..added up quite a bit, to be completely honest. Let’s see….

For reference, I had holidays during January and half of February, as well as June all through August and half of September, and then again from the 21st of December onward. My marathon didn’t quite subside during university, but at least I didn’t binge quite so much.

In total, I watched 178 movies, 10 short films, and 685 episodes of 34 tv shows. That is 300h12 in movies, 1h38 in short films, and roughly 519h47 in tv show episodes. (Yes, I did just spend way too much time looking up all the run times…) That is a rough total of 821h37 for this year. That’s like….a bit over a month of time spent watching stuff. 1/12 of my year spent in front of a screen. Not entirely sure how I feel about this number.

I know that for some this might sound a bit excessive, but to be honest? There is so much more I want to watch and if I could do completely as I please, these numbers would look a lot different.

Here is, with the exact intention of being a big mess of a block, all the movies I watched in 2019. I highlighted a few that stood out to me especially. Not just because I liked them very much, or because they were particularly excellent, just because….they made me feel something different, I guess. The oldest movie I watched was Grease (1978) and the newest would be the comedy special John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch from this year. I started my year with Night at the Museum (2006) and ended it with season five of Leverage.

Grease (1978), My Neighbour Totoro (1988), Die Hard (1988), Batman (1989), Die Hard 2: Die Harder (1990), Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995), Othello (1995), Mission Impossible (1996), Mary Reilly (1996), Wilde (1997), Animated Epics: Beowulf (1998), Mission Impossible II (2000), Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Fast and the Furious (2001), Ocean’s Eleven (2001), Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001), Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002), Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Heartlands (2002), xXx (2002), 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003), Underworld (2003), Bright Young Things (2003), Timeline (2003), The Deal (2003), Ocean’s Twelve (2004), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004), Laws of Attraction (2004), Dirty Filthy Love (2004), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005), Kingdom of Heaven (2005), The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse (2005), The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006), Underworld: Evolution (2006), Mission Impossible III (2006), Inside Man (2006), Night at the Museum (2006), The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Queen (2006), Die Hard 4.0: Live Free or Die Hard (2007), Music Within (2007), Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007), Ocean’s Thirteen (2007), Zodiac (2007), Iron Man (2008), Twilight (2008), Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009), Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009), Twilight: New Moon (2009), The Damned United (2009), Fast & Furious (2009), Sherlock Holmes (2009), The Holiday (2009), Angels & Demons (2009), Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009), Inception (2010), The Bounty Hunter (2010), Twilight: Eclipse (2010), Alice in Wonderland (2010), Tron: Legacy (2010), Megamind (2010), Valentine’s Day (2010), The Expendables (2010), Red (2010), Eat Pray Love (2010), Iron Man 2 (2010), Beautiful Boy (2010), Fast Five (2011), Fright Night (2011, twice), Resistance (2011), Few Options, All Bad (2011), Jesus Henry Christ (2011), Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011), Mission Impossible IV: Ghost Protocol (2011), Pitch Perfect (2012), Twilight: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012), White House Down (2013), Admission (2013), I Give It A Year (2013), Escape Plan (2013), The Adventurer: Curse of the Midas Box (2013), Furious 6 (2013), A Good Day to Die Hard (2013), Red 2 (2013), Begin Again (2013), Saving Mr. Banks (2013), Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb (2014), Kill the Messenger (2014), The Monuments Men (2014), Midnight in Paris (2014), Paddington (2014), The Imitation Game (2014), Maleficent (2014), Chelsea Peretti: One Of The Greats (2014), John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid (2015, twice), Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (2015), Far From the Madding Crowd (2015), 7 Days in Hell (2015), Furious Seven (2015), Assassin’s Creed (2016), Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016), Patton Oswalt: Talking for Clapping (2016), Ali Wong: Baby Cobra (2016), Nocturnal Animals (2016), She Loves Me (2016), Passengers (2016), Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer (2016), xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017), Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special (2017), Brad’s Status (2017), Home Again (2017), Murder On The Orient Express (2017), Christmas Inheritance (2017), Paddington 2 (2017), You, Me & Him (2017), Beauty and the Beast (2017), Trevor Noah: Afraid of the Dark (2017), Dave Chappelle: The Age of Spin (2017), Dave Chappelle: Deep in the Heart of Texas (2017), Patton Oswalt: Annihilation (2017), Jack Whitehall: At Large (2017), Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017), Katherine Ryan: In Trouble (2017), Mission Impossible: Fallout (2018), Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018), The Fate of the Furious (2018), Love, Simon (2018), Ocean’s 8 (2018, twice), Bad Samaritan (2018), John Mulaney: Kid Gorgeous (2018, twice), Hannah Gadsby: Nanette (2018), Daniel Sloss: Dark (2018), Daniel Sloss: Jigsaw (2018), Trevor Noah: Son of Patricia (2018), Ali Wong: Hard Knock Wife (2018), James Acaster: Recognise (2018), James Acaster: Represent (2018), James Acaster: Reset (2018), James Acaster: Recap (2018), Apostle (2018), The Holiday Calendar (2018), The Princess Switch (2018), The Christmas Chronicles (2018), Captain Marvel (2019, twice), Shazam! (2019, twice), Avengers: Endgame (2019, twice), Pokémon: Detective Pikachu (2019), The Hustle (2019), Rocketman (2019), X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019), Men in Black: International (2019), Tolkien (2019), Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019), Isn’t It Romantic (2019), Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019), Jenny Slate: Stage Fright (2019), Wanda Sykes: Not Normal (2019), Katherine Ryan: Glitter Room (2019), Simon Amstell: Set Free (2019), Adam Devine: Best Time of Our Lives (2019), Let It Snow (2019), Last Christmas (2019), Klaus (2019), Always Be My Maybe (2019), The Knight Before Christmas (2019), The Good Liar (2019), Hustlers (2019), Star Wars: Rise of the Skywalker (2019), Murder Mystery (2019), John Mulaney and the Sack Lunch Bunch (2019)

TV shows are going to make up a block a bit less intimidating, but here goes. Again, highlighted what stood out to me especially.

The Gifted, Friends, NCIS, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Money Heist, Riverdale, The Punisher, Broadchurch, Elite, Doctor Who, Dramarama, Agents of SHIELD, Pokémon Indio League, Good Omens, The Chef Show, Jessica Jones, Halt and Catch Fire, The Marvelous Mrs Maisel, The Simpsons, 30 Rock, The Good Fight, Sean’s Show, Gallowglass, Animals., The Spoils of Babylon, Pobol Y Cwm, Masters of Sex, Prodigal Son, Criminal UK, The Politician, Leverage, His Dark Materials, Zona Rosa, Derry Girls

Some old favourites in there. Some new ones too. I won’t list the shorts because I don’t particularly care for them. I watched them solely for binging-through-someone’s-filmography reasons.

So yeah, as you can see, a very strong year when it comes to the visual medium. I just really love movies and tv shows so much. I love this kind of storytelling, this particular form of it. There’s so much artistry there, so many talented people. I still very much would love to work in the movie world at some point. Inspires me greatly. Always has.

* * *

2019 was not just a year of sitting glued to a TV screen, not at all. I’ve been some places too, got to do and experience some cool stuff.

In April I was able to take a few days off and go to Lugano with my dear friend and relax for a little while. We also met up with one of the lovely people I’ve met through twitter, which was great fun and we’ve spent a fantastic day together (eating food I still catch myself thinking about at least twice a week).

In June I went to Pride in Zurich with my friends, which was also a wonderful experience all together.

In July I was able to go to Cologne for half a week for CCXP, where I got to see some great panels and meet some great people. And, most importantly and also the reason why I went, I got to meet Zachary Levi again, take a picture together, have a wonderful conversation while he signed something for me, and experience an incredibly inspiring panel where I got to ask him a question that he took the time and patience to extensively answer. I treasure these moments, just as I treasure all our previous meetings and the friends and experiences that have come with it. Seeing him again after two years was definitely the highlight of the year, and it’s a strong weight of the good part in the scale that is 2019. He’s always a highlight, the dude. I can’t wait until I get to see that face again.

Also in July, I joined a few friends for a weekend at a medieval festival in Germany, which was also a very interesting and good experience.

And now at the end of the year, I spent a few days in Berlin, visiting museums and bookshops and generally touristing about with my dearest friend, celebrated New Year’s with her in the only way we know how: with good wine, food, warmth, and a tv show we both love and hold dear.

I also shouldn’t forget the two parties I attended of our university’s English Department, and the Halloween party a friend organised, and the birthdays I attended over the year, as well as the Christmas I spent with my friends at my place.

All these things, all these little bits add up and add up and ultimately I want to think that 2019 was a good year. I am so glad this year is over, but looking back I find so many good things that have happened, so many wonderful experiences, and I wonder, why? Why am I so happy it is over? Why am I so desperate to move forward, to turn the page, to start a new chapter, a new book?

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

* * *

For this new year, for 2020, I have a few wishes. I’m not really one to make resolutions, because I know exactly I won’t hold myself to it, but I have some things I’d like to do, like to try.

2019 was my year of movies and shows. I won’t stop watching things, I’ll never stop watching things. But for this year, I want to put my focus elsewhere. This year, I’d like to try and read all the books that have amassed themselves in my possession, that I haven’t actually read yet. It’s doable, I don’t own enormous amounts of books yet. I want to try that. I want to try to read more, to find that passion and attention span again that I had as a kid. I might try to blog a bit about it, just so I have something to hold me accountable. We’ll see. But I just really want to read more. Carry a book everywhere I go.

I know that 2020 is bringing me another step closer to becoming my truest self. I have my next appointment with the hormone specialist early in February, and if I am not entirely mistaken (or something is drastically changed) I will be able to start taking hormones then and there. Starting testosterone is going to be exciting and interesting, and I am very much looking forward to it. What I want for myself this year, is to take it easy. Be kind to myself in this journey. Let myself be gentle. I always have so many expectations for myself, and I really just want to try and…let myself be, let myself just live and experience things as they come. No expectations.

This first half year of 2020 is also the time I will be writing my Bachelor thesis and, hopefully, by summer I’ll have my degree. It’ll be a tough but I hope also rewarding time for me. Having to shift the way I write papers (quick, barely researched and sourced, not even remotely re-read, always started mere hours before the deadline) to something more useful for a thesis, something fitting for a thesis, is going to be challenging. Keeping my head in the right space, keeping the focus and doing the work, it’s all going to be hard for me. But I have faith that I will find a way to reign in my scatterbrain and flick the hyper-focus switch into something that will be sustainable for the time I have to write my thesis in.

Speaking of my thesis, there is something I have not mentioned yet, that strongly informed my experience of 2019. Good Omens is the book I’ll be writing my thesis about (specifically a queer theological reading of it) and Good Omens was the story that has shaped my year. I re-read the book at the beginning of term and once the mini-series came out at the end of May, I did not really think about anything else since. This book and this show are so incredibly important to me, and it is, after a long while of nothing even remotely getting there, the first thing that has captured my attention so strongly, that it has outlasted my one-month hyper-focus ability and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. And that I am so incredibly grateful for. I wasn’t sure if I could still do it. Have an interest, have passion for something, for longer than a month. So many things I tried and loved and done, and after a single month, I dropped them like a hot potato and never touched them again. But Good Omens came and took me by my hand and lead me into the promised land. Especially since the show came out, I feel like a changed person. I have talked about it to no end, and I could go on forever now too, but I’ll just say this for now: This story of an angel and a demon crossing the divide that is their differences, coming together in love for the world, for humanity, and each other, this story means everything to me, and it has given me so much. Nothing is ever going to change that. That is irrevocable. And I know that 2020 won’t change that fact. I have faith that this passion will continue on and will inspire more positive change in me. It’s already started bringing me back to writing and drawing, so I know that it will lead me somewhere.

There is so much more I could say here, now, about 2019, about 2020. About my plans and my wishes, my dreams and the things I ought to do. But I think, I’ll leave it at that, for now. I tried this monthly blogging last year for the first time, and I think I’ll try to continue doing it. So, you can expect to read more of my thoughts on all kinds of things.

For now, however, let me say this: 2020 can be anything you want it to be. 2020 is yours to shape, yours to create in, yours to manage, yours to use. I want my 2020 to be gentle, to be taken one step at a time, to be experienced to the fullest, to be lived and felt and actively experienced. Sure, bad things can happen, bad things can always happen. But it’s your decision what happens next.

In 2020, I want to start loving more unapologetically. Do good, recklessly. Be kind, always. Not just to others, but to myself.

…

I have faith in us, you know? Humans. There’s so much hope there, still. 2020 might just as well show it.

…

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope it’ll be a good one for you.

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy. 

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

7)

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago. 

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because  duh! she is a Woman)  so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant! 

27)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[pinknerdpanda]

Yes Ma’am

Word Count: 3280

Characters: Cas x reader (ish?), Sam, Dean

Warnings: Crack, Fluff, language, mild feminist rage

A/N: This was written for @plaid-lover-bay25 and Baylea’s SPN/Disney Birthday Challenge. My prompt is one of my favorite lines ever and it’s bolded below. Happy Birthday Bay! I hope you enjoy this little bit of insanity! Xoxoxo

Beta’d by: @wheresthekillswitch (aka my Soul Sister aka The Masterbeta) and @hannahindie (aka my Twinny aka the better half of HanPan) - Thank you so much for being the world’s best cheering squad and making my words make sense. Lee - thanks for the idea for the ending. You always make me a better me. I love you both!

x

Yes Ma’am

“I hate you.”

I glare at the man sitting next to me and he tilts his head almost imperceptibly as his gaze bores into mine. The flickering light above our heads casts a sickly glow across his face and I shift my body as best I can, trying to put as much distance between the two of us as possible.

“I can assure you that had I known the outcome of my attempts at gallantry, I would not have offered any kind of assistance.” His voice is hoarse and low, the sound eerily magnified in the small room. Mere hours ago I’d found his voice intoxicating and sexy, but now it grates on my already frayed nerves; it’s funny how much can change in such a short amount of time.

“And if only you’d listened when I said I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself, do you really think we’d be stuck here?”

He sighs, irritatedly. “I hardly think our ending up here was solely my doing. You are the one who thought assaulting the police officers was the logical next step.”

Before I can argue, the heavy, metal door to our right groans open, it’s hinges squealing in protest.

“Alright, Novak, James and Y/L/N, Y/N?” A sour faced officer appears from behind the door, glancing at us briefly to confirm our identities. We both nod and he drops his gaze back to the manila folder in his hands. “Alright, well, who wants to go first?”

---

I attempt to cross my arms over my chest before remembering my hands are shackled, connected by a length of iron chain, making the movement awkward and impossible. I lower my hands to my lap and narrow my eyes at the officer across the table from me. In any other circumstance, on any other hunt, I’d have been laying on the charm and playing up the puppy dog eyes in hopes of weaseling my way out of the inevitable interrogation. I’ve learned, however, that there’s no charm to lay once your secret stash of weaponry has been collected and bagged as evidence.

“So, Miss Y/L/N…”

I clear my throat, interrupting him. “It’s ‘Ms,” thank you very much.”

I hate that title - Ms. - it always makes me think of edgy divorcees from the 70’s who smoked pot in their basements and wore head to toe mustard colored polyester jumpsuits and feathered hair, but it was marginally better than the alternative.

He blinks at me blankly before over emphasizing it. “MS. Y/L/N, why don’t you start from the beginning?”

“How can I help you today, ma’am?”

I cringe at the overly-friendly voice from behind me. With all the advancements of human civilization, how have we as a society not come up with a better way to address a woman. It’s always “ma’am,” which makes me feel like a middle age matronly woman with a bun and a secret smoking habit. And if it’s not that it’s “Miss Y/L/N,” like I’m some sort of blonde haired, mini-skirt adorned sorority girl that speaks in acronyms and wears Uggs in the summer. Is there no middle ground?  Can we just universally agree on a form of address for a woman in her mid thirties that enjoys long walks to the fridge in her yoga pants between episodes of her current Netflix binge show, but can be fancy if she wants to be?

“Ma’am!” The voice has lost a considerable amount of it’s previous cheeriness and I realize I’ve been silently internal-monologuing in my head for longer than socially acceptable.

I sigh, my shoulders drooping slightly and turn on my heel to face my newest companion.

“Ya know, it’s just rude to call someone, who’s clearly under 50, ma’am,” I scowl at the uniformed employee, who seems to be truly taken aback by my tone of voice. “I’m younger than you are! ….ma’am. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.”

“How can I help you today,” he pauses, his eyebrows flickering together for a second, trying to figure out a way to complete the sentence.

“Better, thanks. I was really just wanting to get an inside look into your operations here.” I gesture behind me with a limp hand.

“But M…” he pauses, flinching as I raise my eyebrow, silently daring him to say it again. “Mmm…” he drags the letter out, clearly unsettled. He takes a deep breath and sets his shoulders, plastering a smile on his face. “This is a museum. I’m not really sure what kind of ‘inside look’ you were hoping for, but this section is off limits to everyone except the director.”

“So,” I cross my arms, tilting my head to one side, “are you saying you’ve never been in this section before?”

I almost miss it, it happens so quick, but his left eye twitches the tiniest bit as his ruddy cheeks subtly drain of their recent influx of color.

“You have, haven’t you?” I jab an accusatory finger in his direction. I’m cut off by a swarm of tourists all sporting calf-length black socks with their sandals as they pass by, snapping photos and moving on to the next exhibit. None of them seem to notice me or my new friend.

When they are out of earshot, I continue in a hoarse whisper. “It was you, wasn’t it? You’re the one who opened the box and summoned the demon.”

“Ma’am,” his top lip curling in satisfaction as my nostrils flare. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, or I will be calling the police.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I get in there and undo whatever bullshit, hoey-doey nonsense your ignorant ass conjured up before any more people get hurt.”

I reach for my gun as he makes to lunge at me, and a second swarm of tourists interrupts us. I try to use their distraction as a way to buy time, but as I turn to run, a heavy hand lands on the back of my neck. I jab backwards, trying to put all my weight into the point of my elbow as it slams into my attacker, and the accompanying ‘crunch’ of  ribs is just damn satisfying.

“Excuse me, miss?” A low gravelly voice from somewhere behind me makes both me and my new buddy freeze. I huff a breath in the direction of a stray strand of hair as I crane my neck to find the source. “It would appear that you seem to be in some sort of trouble. Perhaps I could be of some assistance?”

The man’s grip on my neck tightens and I kick back hard with my left boot, connecting solidly with the man’s groin. I whirl to face a man in a long, tan trench coat with dark messy hair and icy blue eyes looking at the scene curiously and, dare I say, a little amused?

“And what makes you think I need your help, blue eyes?” Without looking, I pull the gun from it’s holster and aim it at the man on the floor, who's now making a keening sound and clutching his pearls. “Do I look like some kind of damsel in distress to you?”

His sapphire eyes narrow to slits in a way that should be menacing, but actually makes him endearing somehow. Except he just grins and nods, which makes my blood boil.

Before I can react a hand wraps around my ankle and my back connects with the floor with a painful thud, the gun flies from my hand and I scramble after it.

He shrugs. “Point proven.”

My hand wraps around the handle of the gun, and I jerk upright to a sitting position, the gun and my attention trained again on my assailant.

“Ok, so I’m a damsel. I’m in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.”

Blue Eyes opens his mouth to respond but he’s cut off by a voice over a bull horn “Put your hands in the air where we can see them! Nobody move!”

“And that, Officer Fife, is where you showed up and ruined everyone’s fun.”

The stunned officer sitting across from me blinks several times, his ears reddening before he stands and leaves without so much as a grunt in response.

Well, this looks like to be shaping up a great day.

-----

Castiel

“And that’s as much information as she gave us. Do you have anything you’d like to add or change from Miss...sorry MS. Y/L/N’s story, Mr. Novak?”

With Sam and Dean occupied with other things, I had hoped to have found a way to make myself useful, even with diminished grace. So when I’d heard that there was something that sounded like a case only a few miles away, it had only seemed logical that I check it out. Dean had always used the term “milk run” and I had felt that the term applied to this scenario, so I didn’t feel the need to involve them.

However, standing across the room from a man and a woman engaging openly in verbal conflict, I wish that I had perhaps done a little more homework. I have no idea if either person involved is in any way linked to the case, but their fight happens to be occuring right in front of the partition that my limited research had found to be the epicenter of the supernatural activity.

The scene doesn’t look dire, per say - in fact it looks quite tame compared to the battles waged in heaven since...well, since the dawn of time. It does seem that the woman has some level of control of the situation, and I’m almost ashamed to find that there’s something about her that I find both fascinating and albeit somewhat intimidating. It’s almost as if my interfering would be taken as an insult.

I feel compelled to spring into action as I see the man’s hand land firmly on the back of her neck and she makes a squeaking sound. As I cross the room, though, she has once again regained the advantage by cracking at least one of his ribs with her elbow. A sensation of pride floods my mind, followed quickly by amusement as I see the corners of her lips turn in a pleasant and satisfied smile.

“Excuse me, is there anything I can do to help?” The words are out of my mouth before I am fully aware my brain has formed them.

She turns a furious glance toward me and scoffs, causing a ribbon of hair to fall over one of her eyes.

She kicks him in the groin and I vaguely hear her muttering something about the lack of gender equality prevalent in the current culture. She turns and aims a gun at the man, now writhing in pain on the floor, likely caused by intricate and centralized assemblage of nerves in the pelvic region of the male anatomy.

“I’m not some damsel in distress!” Her voice takes on a notably higher tone as she whirls to face me. It appears my offer of help was a mistake.

The writhing man must have sensed her distraction as well, because for a moment I’m looking into her beautifully infuriated face and the next she’s flat on the floor, her gun skidding along the ground and landing a few yards from her grasp.

“Well damsel is an antiquated term referring to a female of human persuasion, which you appear to be. And distress...well, that seems to illustrate your current situation quite accurately.”

The woman reaches the firearm and realigns herself in an upright, seated position.

“I think I can handle this on my own, thank you very much.” Her tone of voice doesn’t seem to indicate any manner of genuine gratitude, but I think the point is made.

“And that is when you gentlemen showed up, arresting her and myself, along with the employee, who you see, appears to be the cause for all of your recent mysterious disappearances,” I smile at the officer and offer a wink. I feel like I’ve seen Dean respond in this fashion. “You’re welcome.”

The officer studies my face,  opening and closing his mouth without saying anything. He places his palms on his knees to stand, and winces. It seems that up until this moment, he'd forgotten about the assault portion of the night's festivities. With a desolate tone he asks “Mr. Novak, can you tell me why you and Ms. Y/L/N attacked and injured a handful of the responding officers?”

I purse my lips together, thinking carefully.

“I think she really dislikes being called Ma’am.”

-----

Y/N

The metal hinges squeak again, the stream of light flooding into the room taking on an amber glow as the sun begins to set. Blue Eyes shuffles back into the room, his handcuffs tinkling lightly as he perches on the cot beside me. The door slams shut again and I drop my head.

“I’m just letting you know, that if we have to stay the night here, I am not sleeping on that filthy, grimy, urine-drenched concrete floor.”

He just sighs, his shoulders dropping gently, as though exhaustion is beginning to wear on him too.

We sit in uncomfortable silence as I study the intricate patterns in the cracks of the cinder blocks making up those damn walls.

“The officer asked why you and I assaulted them.” His rich, textured timbre startles me and I glance at him to find blue eyes squinting at me curiously.

“And what did you tell them?” I raise an eyebrow, gnawing on my bottom lip.

A slow smile spreads across his face and he looks down at the floor again. “I said I was sure you’d had your reasons.”

“I did. I can’t say they were good, but I had them.” I turn, shifting to face him. “But why did you help? You would never been arrested if you’d stayed out of it.”

Blue Eyes, or Novak the officer had said, tilts his head to the side and he presses his lips together before speaking. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“I was hunting a malevolent entity that had been wreaking havoc in the midwest for the last month or so. My capacity for belief is a little broader than most.”

He smiles again, one corner of his mouth pulling inward as though he’s trying to suppress it.

“I was hoping that the last bit of my grace would have been effective in subduing the officers long enough for you to get away.”

“Grace?” I scrunch my nose up, confused.

“Angel’s powers are derived from their grace, but mine was stolen by a sweater-vested megalomaniac trying to take over Heaven. I borrowed the grace of one of my brothers, but it’s fading as are my powers.” He licks his lips and looks at me like he’d just told me he was born in Sheboygan.

I lean forward, not really sure why. “Why didn’t you just get more of the super soldier serum from your brother and power up, Mario?”

Stunned, his mouth opens and closed a few times, but before he can find his words, the door slams open again and we both look up to find the officer standing in the doorway, flanked by two, tall men.

“Well hello, princess.” The man with the green eyes purrs, the wrinkles under his eyes betraying his attempt at keeping a straight face. “Fancy meeting you here!”

“Dean…” Novak and I bark, in matching annoyed tones. We freeze, and he turns around slowly to look at me, his features even more befuddled than before.

“Hey, y/n. I’m so glad you’re ok,” Sam stresses the last word, his eyes boring into mine as he sneaks a glance at the officer. “Thank you so much, for finding her, Cas. We were so worried about her when we couldn’t find her this morning!”

“Cas?” The officer barks.

“It’s a family nickname.” Sam smiles.

The officer doesn’t seem convinced and he crosses his arms. “Family huh? I suppose that would be on your mother’s side? Since you all have different last names.”

“Yes,” Novak, or Cas, or whatever his name is says, tentatively, having obviously caught on. “Our mother was quite promiscuous in her youth.”

“Whatever, just please go home, wherever that is, and stay there,” the officer rolls his eyes, unlocking my compatriot’s cuffs and then mine. He turns back to Sam and Dean. “You need to keep better track of your sister, in case she has another manic episode.”

I glare at the Winchesters, neither of whom make eye contact with me as the officer escorts us quickly to the front and out into the late evening air.

I wait until the officer is out of view, and I whirl to face Dean, jabbing him hard in the arm. “Manic episode, Dean. Really?!”

He rubs at his arm dramatically, though I’m sure it’s just for show as Sam chuckles lightly behind me.

“And you,” I spin to face him, poking a finger in his chest, “I’m only here because you two begged me to, seeing as how you’re so busy saving the world all the damn time. You could have at least given me the head’s up you were sending Rain Man here to check in on me.”

“We didn’t. We had no idea Cas was here until he used his one phone call on us,” Sam holds up both hands in a playful surrender before turning to him. “Why didn’t you tell us where you were going?”

Cas clears his throat, his hands resting lightly in the pockets of his trench coat. “I wanted to do something that would prove helpful to you both, and this seemed - though I recognize the egregious error now - to be easy.”

“So…” I muse, “your name is Cas, not Novak; you weren’t sent by Jolly Green and his trusty sidekick, Freckleface Strawberry to check up on me;” I motion behind me toward Sam and Dean respectively, “and you’re an angel?”

“It’s Castiel, but otherwise, yes. That is all correct.” His gaze flicks between the other two men before asking. “How did you come to know the Winchesters?”

“Dean called me ma’am once and I broke his nose.”

Cas turns to Dean, his eyebrows arched incredulously. “You told me you got into a fight at a biker bar, Dean.”

Dean shoves his hands in his jacket pockets and drops his eyes to the ground as he kicks at a clump of grass. “Yeah, well, I mean I didn’t lie…” Dean trails off.

“I’m still pissed about that, too, Winchester.” I frown at him. “That was my happy place and now I’m banned for life thanks to you.”

Dean gawks at me, vaguely horrified. “Me!? You’re mad at me about that?!”

“Alright, listen, we still have a case to finish,” Sam cuts Dean off, fighting down the smile playing at his lips. “I think it might be best though if you and Cas take off and let us clean up. You’re welcome to stay at the bunker for a few days.”

“I would be happy to drive you, in my vehicle if you wish, as it is getting late and as an angel, I do not need sleep,” Cas offers.

As much as I want to argue and stomp my foot about being able to fend for myself, the offer is tempting. “Ok, but I get to pick the tunes and you’re gonna tell me more about this angel business. ‘Sweater-vested megalomaniac’ sounds like a punk band from Seattle and I want to know everything. Savvy?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

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[shaolinbynature]

Everyone knows April and Arizona’s stories have not ceased to evolve or whatever excuse made to justify their release. From one writer to another, there are many directions one could take with both these women. Below is just a very tiny list of examples as to how it can be done, starting with April:

Personal Jesus is a fantastic direction that has created THE MOST intriguing storyline on Grey’s right now and has been for a while. Just this direction alone can open to so many new arcs like April joining a support group with people that actually care about her or using her fall to help and mentor others.

Amelia and April connecting (Amelia is in desperate need of something new anyways)

Create an in-depth doctor storyline between a patient and April that spans through a few episodes, similar to stories most of the cast has had.

GIVE APRIL SOME KIND OF RECOGNITION FOR SOMETHING WITHOUT IT BEING USED AS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR HER TO BE SHAT ON BY OTHERS

Allow her to come across a breakthrough discovery (why is she stuck judging a medical contest and not participating??? give the job to owen!)

When in doubt, bring back family members for not only development but maybe support??? because she has zero of it right now.

Fucking recognition. Literally EVERY main character right now has got recognition/praise on some kind of huge medical work except April

As much as I dislike the interns, one of them can take an admiration for April and she can put them under her wing like Arizona + Alex, Mark + Jackson, Teddy + Cristina, Amelia + Stephanie, and so on.

Stories that Arizona can tell:

NO MORE EMPTY, SEX-DRIVEN FLINGS/STORYLINES PLEASE.

SOFIA ROBBIN SLOAN TORRES???? HELLO??????

Did Arizona’s amputation only matter for two seasons??? A disability doesn’t just vanish and things are back to perfect again.

I loved Calzona but Arizona is more than just being with Callie. Why so many pointless relationships since Callie’s departure?? Bring back kickass peds Arizona.

Wanting to know the connection between procedures and morality rate in delivery is cute but also has been researched 1000000 times. There are better fetal/peds projects worth diving into. Arizona NEEDED another doctor arc like years ago.

Doing another fellowship similar to Dr. Herman’s would be amazing

A relationship with a patient that spans over several episodes, possibly bringing back an already established patient. (it just dawned on me that alex has basically taken storyines that arizona could have done but instead they gave it to him while she rambles on about sex every work shift. nice)

A BACKSTORY OR ANYTHING RELATING TO WHO ARIZONA IS MAYBE????

 I want Arizona be in happy as the next person but if she HAS to meet someone romantically, can it blossom naturally first and not be a one-night stand that turns into fuck buddies then girlfriends?? it’s not only played out but she has sofia with her now and should be really picky about who comes into her life

“Creative” character stories that need to retire. For example, Owen Hunt:

Aggression

Wants love

Finds it

Wants a baby

Whines when denied

CHEATS!

Break things off

Rinse and repeat

Another example, Richard Webber:

Used to be chief but not anymore

Wanders around

Makes funny joke

Creates a teaching moment

Babysits

Catherine

Rinse and repeat

Let’s just be honest here, Krista. You care for Kepzona the least out of all the characters and because of that, you refuse to put in the extra work to continue developing them. There is proof that you can continue their story! You don’t have to lie. Creative direction is bullshit when so many people straggling around are still here.