#me/cfs ramblings

[koyaildoesstuff]

So I may have overdone it, and by I overdid it, I mean my stress over-did it…

I feel like I’m going to collapse if I continue to walk around and while I’m currently sitting, I have to get up in a bit to grab some stuff.

This week has been so exhausting, and ap physics hasn’t even happened yet. And I have weight lifting right before the final.

This is fine

🔥🐨🔥

Then on Friday I can’t even rest because i have dress rehearsal, and on Saturday is the dance recital

It’s times like these where I really struggle with my disability. My fatigue started in October of 2023 out of nowhere and my life was turned on its head because I no longer have the energy for the things I have done for years. I have regained most of my “normalcy,” but am still hindered by it. Not as bad as it used to be, until stuff like this happens. Human bodies are fun, am I right?

But hey, it’s French club tomorrow after the final. French club is code for “let’s eat Francophone food during class,” and we are finally having crepes, after it had previously gotten canceled due to snow day

[koyaildoesstuff]

This is why I came back to this world when everything got hard. I’m American, and it was after the orange was re-elected in 2024. I felt so powerless, as I was still 17 at the time, and couldn’t vote. Middle earth was my home, and now, as I still come to terms with life with a chronic illness, around a year later, I find home in those same words. In that same fandom. We aren’t insignificant, we have our voices-even if they seem like they don’t work. Always keep fighting. Borahae peeps

Once again thinking about the “Tolkien elves are physically superior to humans in every way” thing as a disability parallel

[vampiresblog]

to me, the universal trust in doctors from people who haven't experienced medical mistreatment/neglect is akin to the trust that upper middle class and white people have in the police. they haven't experienced the mistreatment themselves so they assume it doesn't exist. they assume that every doctor or police officer is only in it for protecting people. they assume that the people who made the rules for these organisations are somehow all-knowing and know the truth about what is morally correct for society. the difference is that there actually is such thing as a good doctor, while there is no such thing as a good cop.

[unfilteredrealities]

Hey Google , how to not beat yourself up for being chronically ill and how to still be compassionate with yourself when it’s very hard to do so? 😭

[written-aurora]

I think.... its time for me to actually consider getting a wheelchair.

[koyaildoesstuff]

Oh I know. All too well

Part: 162/?

[watercooler-raptors]

At that awkward point in the journey of being disabled where I've done the whole five-stages re coming to terms with and accepting my identity as a disabled person with a chronic illness, and now have reached stage Anger 2.0.

This is where the anger is not directed at myself or my illness, but at society, because I am so aware of ways in which life could be easier for me and millions like me but the government just... Won't. Do. It.

(screaming crying throwing up etc)

[quinnception]

Me when the disability disables me disabeldly - ah, yes, I am a fundamentally bad and evil person and I deserve this (this is absolute truth)

[onthegreatsea]

after the incredibly stupid mistake that was 'exercising regularly' in january, last year, i think i've finally actually really truly recovered from the crash that followed

i've been doing the best to pace myself properly and have actually been relatively lucid the past two(three?) months and not constantly bed bound (woah)

[calamari-inari]

Me drawing a crack ship that I like and is scared of being perceived: I must accept that I'm drawing this for me alone and no one will understand them as I much as I do

A day after posting: *somehow converts people to crackship religion*

[koyaildoesstuff]

Welcome to my archive!

Archive summer hours

The musings of a slightly distinguished silly goose with a tea addiction

This is a place for me to get down my thoughts, whether those be fanfics, or things I don’t want to forget. There may be random ramblings about the most random stuff. Who knows!

Writing is linked below. Ramblings and reblogs have tags, and you can find the posts by clicking on the tag you want

Asks are open, however I have temporarily disabled anonymous ones

I never give permission for my writing to be put into ai

Divider made by @sweetmelodygraphics

Tolkien

Tags:

- #silmarillion

- #lord of the rings

- #the hobbit

- #roleplay

- #Tolkien hall of fame

Character list

My roleplay character

Incorrect quotes pt 1

Pt 2

Pt 3 - Gil-galad edition

Silm shitposts (the masterlist)

Roleplay:

My Uruk Family 🖤🐈‍⬛🐨🐝 (tried to get it into chronological order. I messed up the # but don’t want to fix it rn)

Pt 1, pt 1.5, pt 2, pt 2.5, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8 (unfinished), Migraines in Mordor (unfinished)

Fanfiction:

I write for mainly trans masc or gender neutral, however my ao3 will have all three versions for you to choose from, once they find there way over there. Fics on ao3 will be denoted with *

(trans masc reader 💙, gn reader 💜, femme reader 💕, smut 🔥)

Gil-Galad

Scars to your beautiful 💙 (hurt/comfort, panic attack)

We’re stars and we’re beautiful 💙🔥 (pt two of scars, smut) (original version, currently being rewritten, but I will leave this one up after I post the new one. It isn’t going anywhere. This is an archive lol.)

I’ve got you 💙 (part of Cozy Cuddle week 2025, reader with chronic fatigue overworks himself and cuddles and tickles ensue)*

Celebrimbor

Órenya 💙 (panic attack, hurt/comfort)

Warm water 💙 (sensory overstimulation, hurt/comfort)

Sailor song 💙🔥 (smut, chronic pain comfort)

Silence 💜 (trauma response hurt/comfort)

Panic that burns 💜 (cel has a panic attack/flashback, injuries reader, and reader helps him through it)

Elrond

Rest your weary soul 💜 (panic attack/comfort)

That time of the month 💙 (cozy cuddle week 2025, period comfort)*

Maedhros

Elincënáro 💜 (cozy cuddle week, nightmare comfort cuddles)*

Fëanor, Curufin, Celebrimbor

Lavender tea 💜 (cozy cuddle week, takes place the day after Elincënáro, reader gets caught outside, and used as a proxy to get c squared to relax)*

Angbang (Melkor/Mairon)

Cat on his lap (cozy cuddle week, Tevildo helps Melkor relax)*

Celebrimbor/Elrond

Cloaks (cozy cuddle week 2025, Elrond is cold and Cele won’t stand for that)*

Wisconsin

My home state- tagged with #wisconsin

Cemetery (Wisconsin gothic)

Ramblings

My thoughts. #ramblings has all of these posts, whereas the mental health and chronic illness are under these tags

- #anxiety ramblings

- #depression ramblings

- #me/cfs ramblings

- #migraine ramblings

There is also the hall of fame, posts I want to highlight and never forget

- #hall of fame posts

And

My name’s meaning

Ruby the Goose (a kids story I wrote for my women’s history class)

Norse Paganism

Tags

- #norse pagan

[crows-of-buckets]

Fire emblem three houses is so funny like why are all the knights so irresponsible about their students. "Oh we though Monica ran away to home-" NOBODY CHECKED??? THE OCHS FAMILY IS MENTIONED BY SEVERAL OTHER CHARACTERS DID NO ONE WRITE A LETTER. WHAT.

[its-coda]

All of the ghost trick merch i made for myself!!

[unfilteredrealities]

Struggling with Psoriasis since I am 2 years old is a different kind of hell I do not wish upon anyone not even to my enemies.

Each goddamn year when winter season hits my body decides to go BRRR in Flare.

Each summer my body partially decides ok let’s be sort of ok and let’s heal but not completely so she can’t wear short pants in summer due to deep rooted shame.

I got bullied in school being called a “contagious Monster” due to my Autoimmune Disorder.

I have trauma still from that to the point I can’t wear short pants because I’m too ashamed and scared that people would not want to be around me anymore.

I see people stare at my legs whenever I wear flowy pants in summer that when a gust of wind blows it reveals my legs and they will stare.

Im chronic in pain and agony and fatigued due to my body constantly fighting against itself against its own skin. Its 24/7 growing too much skin as if it feels pressured to change my whole skin layer not every 7 years but faster 😭

Be kind to people who have skin issues they can’t control.

Be nicer. Don’t be an ass.

[written-aurora]

Ah.... nothing i like more than instant Chicken ramen. Barely flavoured hot noodle soup 🙃

[watercooler-raptors]

Me: I'm gonna get 12 hours sleep tonight and maybe be vaguely rested tomorrow.

My fibromyalgia: hahaha you're funny (double leg flare)