#me: (takes lethal psychic damage)

[powpowhammer]

faded blue house portrait hanging on the wall at the local urgentcare

[farragoofwires]

don' dweeblog

Just got back from shabbat and checked into the group chat to find a bunch of Jews being incorrect about basic facts about christianity and then saying "man I wish I knew less about christianity"

Congratulations I guess!!!!!!

[furbygoblinxiv]

Ok now to be annoying about a completely different flavor of Zelda: That cartoon from the 80s that has aged so poorly I take psychic damage every time I watch it (which has been multiple times (I have problems)). A few months ago when rewatching and being sick of the Link's personality from the show (his best feature is how funny the "Well excuuuuse me, princess" line is) I was like "I wish the quiet kid from the games/art was here instead" and accidentally thought too hard and made an au/rewrite of the cartoon lmao.

Anyways Zelda cartoon au where cryptid boy Link saves the post apocalyptic Hyrule of loz 1 and chills in the castle with cartoon Zelda to defend the triforce pieces that they have while trying to find the last piece before Ganon can find it, stumbling across the sleeping loz 2 Zelda along the way lol. Hijinks ensue as he teaches Zelda the brawns to back up her girlboss and he gets an adventure buddy because its dangerous to go alone and Zelda with her boomerang and crossbow goes hard. I think a monster of the week style plot works for the earlier Zelda games, but an overarching plot could coexist with that since that is kinda how games work lol.

As per usual here are a bunch of slapdash barely related sketches of my ideas with my expanded thoughts below bc I think it'd be fun to share:

I look at the official art of Link being a quiet determined little dude with a backpack of tools and wish that that was represented more. Like look at him! What a guy! Imagine giving a quiet puzzle solving 14 year old a sword, lethal magical weapons, and a wasteland to explore! I would love a show about that! In terms of other characters, swap out that annoying fairy character, put in a Navi clone, at least Navi didn't have a crush on Link🤮. Ganon can stay the same so long as he was always a demon pig and was never a Gerudo man because unlike Nintendo, I do not want to imply that the only prominent man of color in the series has only one big braincell thats just screaming "EVIL" on loop. But! Keep Zelda the same, I love her so much in the cartoon, she's obnoxious in a slay girlboss way, maximum vibes. By virtue of not having a paper thin plot, most other characters that were fine get fixed by proxy.

I think plot wise? It takes place a few years after the first game. Initially, Link saved the royal family and they started rebuilding that area of Hyrule, and Link traveled around to help people. One day, Ganon's minions start making attacks on the castle to steal the triforce pieces back to revive him fully, and a Zelda who greatly admires Links steps up to defend the place. Eventually, Zelda requests Link return to help defend the castle while they search for the mysterious hidden third triforce piece in order to combine the full thing and wish for peace in Hyrule. Link agrees and the hyjinks begin.

IIRC the og Link backstory was that he was the son of the hyrulean queen and the elf king or smth? In the manga? I didn't want him to be hylian royalty but I wanted to keep that cryptid vibe, hence why I have him related instead to the great fairy and the kokiri. He just leaves the forest/cave one day with literally nothing to go save Hyrule, what a chad. I think it'd be funny if people describe Zelda as feral due to how boisterous and headstrong she is, especially out on the field, but Link is the quiet version of wild that you don't notice at first. She is openly intelligent and snarky in comparison to "says 3 lines a day, bombs first and asks questions later, explore under every rock and bush" forest kid Link.

It would be fun though if "rushes into danger" Zelda resonated more with the triforce of power and "solves dungeon puzzles for funsies" Link with the triforce of wisdom, then they both resonated with the triforce of courage upon finding it. idk tho lol

I also think two different young Zeldas coexisting with each other after one awoke from a cursed slumber would be really funny. Like that's gotta be so awkward, especially if one has the fighter girlboss slay up to 11 and the other just woke up from a coma to her family gone and her kingdom destroyed and just kinda wants to read books and drink tea in peace. Imagine being the same age or older than your great (great?) aunt. Or imagine if the old lady Impa nursemaid to Zelda 1 Zelda was the young Impa nursemaid to the Zelda 2 Zelda. Wild.

If I wasn't incapable of remembering to finish writing wips I'd write that series lol. Alas, this is all I can pull for now.

I'd love to call this propaganda to go watch the show but maybe don't because its yikes. This is moreso propaganda for someone to make a Zelda cartoon show instead of the movie that I sense Nintendo is plotting to make. Also, if you've read this far, I should mention I also will probably be posting art from some of my actual long term Zelda aus beyond just expanding on the cartoon, though I may continue to do that if my train of thought continues on these tracks.

[noyoucannotpushthevoid]

Raven Cycle characters as Things People I know have Said (basically Henry/K Edition)

“What’s up chuckle fucks?” - Ronan “Bigger is bigger” - Ronan “I summon thee, [Chainsaw]” - Henry “Taking lethal levels of psychic damage at age 7 isn’t good for development” - about Ronan “Bitch” (about a crying child) - Ronan “When a fish and a woman love each other very much…” - Henry, no explanation “He’s deceptively smart for his appearance” - Henry about Ronan “Hi, I’d like to buy one mayoral office please?” - Henry joking about Gansey’s parents “I’ve been told I make a good distraction” - Henry “We’re all fucking lemmings here” - Blue pointing out they’d all do anything Gansey asked them to “The magic sex wizard put them in the same body” - Henry “‘[D]o a superhero landing’ (Ronan) ‘I was just going to ask if I [could] do a superhero landing[!]’ (Noah)” “I have no context for lemmings” - Ronan “That’s alright Captain, we can buff out those scratches” - Ronan after absolutely wrecking the pig beyond repair “[Gansey] and [Ronan] couple moment” - Henry “Raisinify your bucket hat” - Matthew scrunching up his bucket hat when nervous “How can [Gansey] be depressed with that much cake?” - Henry “There’s pee on your key?” - Declan after finding bird poop on the Barns’ spare key and confronting Ronan about it “God’s eepiest soldier” - about Adam "'...his hair's not doing to well' (Gansey describing their new latin teacher) 'I was going to ask if he was a dilf, but that answers my question' (Henry)"  "The man [in the BMW] said the password was 'go fuck yourself'" - Adam to Declan after Declan asked what the new passcode at the Barns was "Oh, I died...oopsie" - Gansey dying for the eleven millionth time "They're uncivilized, they don't know what vodka is" - Kavinsky "May I history?" - Gansey asking to lore dump on any of his friends "If I can't clean my wounds with it, then I don't want to drink it!" - Kavinsky "Need a fire starter? Just buy Everclear" - Also Kavinsky “Your rat friend … he’s not your friend” - Gansey about Kavinsky “Oh damn he livin” - Everyone about Noah before they found his body “The fucking hot tub? Why not the regular one?” - Henry, like my DM, thinks he’s funny (he is) “Does anyone have a blanket? Just swaddle me like a fucking baby” - Ronan while sick “Can I roll insight on something? … does he think I'm a child?” - Blue anytime she meets another Raven boy “[she]’s normally small, not cursed to be small” - Ronan explaining the difference in small vibes between Opal and Blue “Who would win: some dumbass flying lizard or 50 action express?” - Ronan to Adam at 2am “‘I forget what color phosphorus burns so I'm going to say purple’ (Gansey)  ‘The answer is hot’ (Adam)”

[kitausuret]

Know Your Venom

A handy guide to differentiating all those spider-y symbols! (Part 1 of 2)

(Venom #150 "Malled!"; Michelinie, Lim)

Hey there, true believer! Are you tired of looking at comics with your favorite black-and-white wicked webslinger and not knowing who's beneath the goo? Fortunately for you, I'm here to help! We'll take a look through the years and hopefully give you some pointers on how to tell who's who. This isn't a foolproof guide by any means, but I hope it's helpful!

So, let's start at the beginning.

(Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #7-8; Shooter, Zeck)

It's very important to me that people understand that the original black suit costume came from Spider-Woman (Julia Carpenter)! That's why I often, and will for the rest of this guide, refer to it as the Carpenter Symbol. Know your roots!

For the most part though, we see this design used as a mockery of Spider-Man by the first Venom, Eddie Brock.

(Amazing Spider-Man #299, #331, and #362, by Michelinie and McFarlane, Larsen, and Bagley respectively)

The earliest artists for Venom all drew the Carpenter Symbol very close to how it originally was designed. You see this continued pretty much to this day, and so if you see a stocky guy in this look with biceps the size of his head - that's probably Eddie.

Early comics are easy, because the only other person to bear this symbol is Anne Weying, and her She-Venom look is. Well. Distinctive.

(Venom: Sinner Takes All #3; Hama, Luzniak & Palmiotti - Venom: Along Came a Spider #3; Hama, St. Pierre)

A few artists will draw the legs of the spider-symbol either much, much closer together (sometimes if the shot is tiny enough they'll just look like a solid mass), but others like Ron Lim will at times draw them further apart. For the most part it's pretty consistent though.

(Venom: Lethal Protector [1993] #5; Michelinie, Lim)

And then... we get into the 00s.

(Venom [2003] #16-17; Way, Skottie Young)

The above looks are pretty unique to how Skottie Young does Venom. And even then, Young's Venom nowadays looks less... like that. I'm not going to share a lot from this series, but we start to get a beefier-looking Venom. This would continue into Spectacular Spider-Man (2003) by Paul Jenkins and Humberto Ramos.

(Spectacular Spider-Man (2003) #3, #5; Jenkins, Ramos)

In some ways, you can kind of explain the inconsistency in the symbol by the fact that Eddie and the Symbiote's symbiosis was crumbling - but it's also just. Not that well-written as a Venom story.

And then we get into other hosts.

I feel obligated to point out that Trish Robertson was the first host of the Venom clone that would eventually become Mania - she literally only appears in Venom (2003) but she's almost indistinguishable from Venom.

(Venom [2003] #16; #18. I'm not going to describe what's happening in these panels, I took too much psychic damage just gathering them.)

Best I can give you is; Trish!clone!Venom is slightly more grey-purple and that's all I'm gonna give you on this topic.

Angelo Forunato was only alive for 2 issues, and he has one look:

(Marvel Knights: Spider-Man [2004] #7-8; Millar, Dodson)

He's the first Venom we see fully deviate from the Carpenter Symbol. He also has really distinctive eyespots and the first instance of seeing an actual eyeball in the spot. The legs of the spider-symbol are fully separated from each other, and even extend down to the thighs.

The symbiote, displeased with Angelo (and having thrown him off a roof), next went to Mac Gargan, arguably the third or fourth most important Venom to carry the name.

(Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #10-11; Millar, Dodson)

Beyond! is an interesting case in that it's the first time we see Mac!Venom with the Scorpion tail, which we don't really see again. It's an odd duck of a series overall, but it is kinda fun to see Mac utilizing some of the shapeshifting abilities. But, more to the point of this guide, you can always tell him apart by the white spider-legs going over the shoulders and up the arms.

(Beyond! #5; McDuffie, Kolins)

Thunderbolts is when you really start to see deviations from the original Mac look. This series especially leans into a very grotesque-looking Venom, but usually there's still some semblance of the original symbol. That's what to look for. But if you see a chonky boy and it's in that mid-2000s art style? You're probably looking at Mac.

You also get variations on the way the spider-legs are drawn. Some artists make them a little skinnier.

(Thunderbolts #114; Ellis, Deodato Jr. - Thunderbolts #122; Gage, Blanco - Amazing Spider-Man #570; Slott, Romita Jr.)

Here's where it gets tricky.

During Dark Avengers, Mac adopts the Carpenter Symbol (and a slimmer look) at Osborn's behest, and immediately starts looking anywhere between your classic Black Suit Spider-Man and Eddie's look as Venom. Your best bet during this era is to use context clues. Based on the art style for this era, if you're thinking "that's probably not Eddie", you're right. Eddie's running around as Anti-Venom.

(Dark Avengers [2009] #1; Bendis, Deodato)

And, yes, that means that this scene... is Mac Gargan. No other Venom would let Norman Osborn boss them around. Please, for the love of God, get this one right.

(New Avengers Annual #3; Bendis, Mayhew)

Mac keeps this look all the way up until he and the symbiote are separated, which leads us to...

Flash Thompson, AKA Agent Venom.

(Coming in Part 2!)

[safesthavenoutsideofexistence]

"They Call Me The Unrivaled Chun-Li" Affirmations

I'm centillions of undefeated Chun-Lis combined. They can never guess my moves from quadrillions light years away I stay surprising them with endless unrivaled tricks up my sleeves. They call me the most insanest Formidable spiritual warrior out of all warriors that have ever existed in humanity and in all planets across infinite galaxies. My Kikoken and Centillions Lightning Kicks Utterly Blows Them All Out Of The Water In The Psychic Realm. My Aerial Centillions Of Infinities Lightning Kicks releases a barrage of the Universe's debilitating blows to enemies ensuring they're utterly vanquished before they even come up with a way or plan to beat me. In the spiritual realm my Spinning Bird Kick is too deadly I effortlessly close the distance on enemies in a flash and in a mf zeptosecond and effortlessly make my way past all projectiles, they know I'm the Final Boss out of all Ultimate Final Bosses so those who "play it safe" with me are utterly and laughably eradicated. My lethally brutally Hazanshu move stay effectively and efficaciously going in for the kill with such unrivaled rapidity and speed so they don't even have time to block my moves. My deeply-revered Tensho Kicks take out incoming aerial enemies as well as finish off combos with an endless series of painful upwards kicks so they can never lock me down. Chun-Li wishes she could be me 'cause my Kikosho lets out a large orb of energy in front of me that hits inumberable and immeasurable times for severely great damage and utterly vanquishes my enemies faster than they can take in a breath. My Kikosho has the longest range so no one has ever survived my Kikosho and lived to tell about it. My Aerial Kikosho makes them effortlessly obey me as they see I'm the most insanest force to be reckoned with. My Hoyoku-sen can never be blocked and I use it mercilessly to punish those who even dared to inconvenience me, whether currently or just from memory. My savage use of Soten Ranka 25/8 in the spiritual realm intentionally weakens those who are already weakened and is looking for that last hope as I crush out all of their hopes for even thinking of making me their enemy.

MY SWIFT THRUST IS CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY HAKKEI IS CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY WATER LOTUS FIST CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY YOKUSEN KICK CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY FALLING CRANE CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY YOSU KICK CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY WALL JUMP CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY SOARING EAGLE CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY SERENITY STREAM CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY ORCHID PALM CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY SNAKE STRIKE CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY LOTUS FIST CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY FORWARD STRIKE CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY SENPU KICK CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

MY TENKU KICK CENTILLIONS TIMES MORE POTENTLY ADVANCED THAN THE MOST POWERFUL VERSION OF CHUN-LI'S.

[lynchiangf]

literally me after taking a lethal amount of psychic damage from spending approximately 15 minutes on linkedin

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Damage Control - 2x05 Simon Said

Ellen sounded urgent on the phone, and Dean’s learned never to disregard her requests, so he puts his foot down on the Impala’s gas pedal and makes her eat asphalt. The rainy landscape swooshes past the windows, and Sam, worn out by his vision headaches and getting conked on the head, quickly dozes off in the passenger seat. 

Dean, however, is wide awake. He can’t shake a feeling of deep-rooted unease. It’s fueled not only by Ellen’s ominous call, but also by his lingering dread about Sam. What had happened in Guthrie with Andy and his evil twin only confirms that something big is coming. Whatever the yellow-eyed demon set in motion is unfolding, Sam smack in the middle of it, and John Winchester’s final words ricochet in Dean’s head: “You have to save Sam. And if you can’t save him, you’ll have to kill him.”

Looking at Sammy’s snub-nosed profile, so innocent in his sleep, Dean cannot believe that his brother would ever turn evil. But they’d both seen what Andy’s twin brother had turned into, and how his psychic abilities had become lethal weapons that made him nearly unstoppable. How Andy himself would turn out after everything that had happened was still up in the air. And there had been that other psychic kid, Max, who’d killed himself.

So far, nothing good had come out of Sam’s and the others’ strange abilities, and although Dean trusts his brother, a nagging fear remains, along with the weight of keeping his father’s warning a secret. Dean’s almost bursting with it, but he’s afraid that, if he shared Dad’s final words with Sam now, his little brother would flip. No, this is his burden to carry, and his alone, no matter how much it drags him down.

With a sudden, choked snore, Sam jerks awake. Limbs askew, his hazel eyes land on Dean.

“You good, Miss Piggy?” Dean asks good-naturedly.

Sam wipes drool from his mouth and sits up straight. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just… weird dream.”

Dean frowns. “Dream or vision?” 

He’d really hoped this would stop once they left the case and Andy behind. Sam’s visions still freak him out.

“Dream. I think.”

“You think? Could you be a little more specific?” Dean doesn’t want to sound anxious, but he can’t quite help it.

“Dean…” Sam wipes sleep from his eyes. “I don’t exactly have a manual for this. I’m not-... I think it was just a dream. I don’t have a headache. I usually do. And Dad was in it, but he’s dead, so…” He shrugs. “Can’t have been a vision, right?”

Pursing his lips, Dean studies Sammy before he trains his eyes back on the road. The rain is still coming down hard, and the sky is dark and heavy with more.

“How’s that melon of yours, anyway?” Dean asks. “You up for grabbing some lunch? I’m hungry.” 

Sam gingerly palpates the back of his head. A bruise runs down all the way to his neck. But he nods.

“Yeah, okay. I think I could eat.”

“No nausea?” The EMT had checked Sam for a concussion, but Dean wants to make sure.

“No, just a little sore. I’m fine.” 

Once more, Dean searches his brother’s face for the typical Winchester bravado, but Sam’s neither pale nor sporting that lip-kneading nose scrunch that usually gives him away. He really does look fine, and it makes Dean’s heart feel a little lighter.

“Good! I saw a sign advertising some bistro thing coming up in the next town. I’m pretty sure they have some rabbit food for you.”

Sam arches an eyebrow. “No burger barn?”

“Only the best for you today, Vision Boy.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Freak of the Week?”

“No!”

“Mr. Mind Control?”

“Shut up!” Sam punches Dean’s upper arm, but a smirk mixes into his annoyance. Dean takes that as a win.

Sam squints through the sheets of rain sloshing down the windows. “Where are we, anyway?”

“Coming up on Salina.”

“Kansas?”

“No, the moon, dufus!” Dean side-eyes his brother. “You sure you don’t have a concussion?”

“Give me a minute to wake up, alright?” Sam grumbles back.

And there it is again: Dean’s fear. As happy as he is to be reunited with Sam, worrying about him seems to be all he’s doing lately. He’d forgotten about that, in the years without Sam. Had forgotten how it feels to be constantly afraid that something might happen to his little brother, to feel responsible and vigilant all the fucking time. That fear of failing to protect Sammy - even from the things that are beyond his control - it’s exhausting. 

“And didn’t Ellen say we should hurry?” Sam frowns at Dean. “Maybe we should just get something quick to go and not waste any time.”

Sam’s remark is enough to let Dean’s pent-up fear bubble into anger.

“I’m hungry, okay?”, he says too loudly. “ ‘bout five minutes from getting hangry, in fact, and you don’t want that to happen. I need to pee. And I need a break before facing Ellen, whatever it is that has her so pissed off. It’s been a day, alright? I got my head screwed with, I almost lost my car, and I nearly shot myself with my own rifle. And you? You…” He flaps his hand at Sam, not finding words. “I think we deserve a goddamn lunch break.”

“Alright, alright!” Sam lifts his hands. “Whatever you need.”

Dean grunts, internally kicking himself. He knows his mood is all over the place. What Sam needs now is reassurance and not Dean’s temper flaring up. Maybe food will help. 

Fifteen miles later, they roll up to a little restaurant with the Eiffel tower painted on a peeling sign above the door. It looks cozy from the outside and not too fancy or expensive. A look at the menu confirms it’s affordable, and they have a selection of salads for Sam and even a burger for Dean. 

Seated at a small table by the window, waiting for their food, Sam gazes at the cloud-hung sky outside and then at Dean. “Do you think Andy will be alright?”

Dean sighs, fighting down a new surge of anger and worry.

“He’ll be fine, Sam. He’s not a bad guy. And he knows we’ll be back if he does something stupid.” He scrubs a hand across his face. He really needs a shave. “Look, can we just eat now?”

Sam shifts awkwardly in his chair. He’s radiating discomfort, insecurity in his eyes, but Dean can’t assuage it any further than he’s already tried. Things are what they are at the moment. Something’s coming, and they don’t know what. All they can do is keep their heads down and try not to freak out. 

Their food arrives, and,  hungry and grateful for the distraction, Dean digs in. Sam hesitates, apparently still needing to get something off his chest, but eventually he picks up his fork and starts eating as well. 

Fifteen silent minutes later, they’re back on the road, and while Dean’s no longer hungry, his stomach is still in knots. 

The Damage Control Series - Masterlist

Read the whole series on AO3 here:

[strixhaven]

i can’t take that aoba redraw meme like this is dealing lethal levels of psychic damage to me

[rars]

you invite me to your dinner party and have to kick me out because i keep calling the food "the licious" and taking a bite of the food and going "um nyum nyum nyum num num" and it's causing lethal amounts of psychic damage + radiation poisoning to the guests every time i pull these freakish stunts

[heckolve]

if you draw sans like this you go to hell 

[thecreaturecodex]

Sorrowsworn, the Lost

Image by Cory Trego-Erdner, © Wizards of the Coast. Accessed at the artist’s ArtStation gallery here

[I feel like there’s more thematic overlap between the Lonely and the Lost than there is between the other sorrowsworn. It’s worth noting that this is the sorrowsworn that has the most artistic representation online, in the form of fanart for Critical Role. It’s still somewhat remarkable to me how much of D&D’s public face comes from Critical Role.]

Sorrowsworn, the Lost CR 7 NE Aberration This creature appears like a gaunt humanoid, its face twisted into a wide eyed expression of shock and worry. Its torso is lumpy and asymmetrical, and it has five arms, each ending in a long blade.

The Lost sorrowsworn are anxiety embodied. They jump at shadows, overreact to loud noises, and respond to any stimulus from a stranger with lethal violence. Their mantis like claws grasp and clutch at enemies, and anyone held in their embrace has the Lost’s mental state of perpetual fear imposed on it. Worse yet, if the Lost is injured while it holds its prey, the damage is transmitted psychically to the grappled creature as well. In mixed groups, Lost sorrowsworn are near the bottom of the pecking order, easily bullied by their peers. Lost and Lonely sorrowsworn feed off of each other’s negative emotional states, driving each other to frenzies of panic and despair.

The Lost               CR 7 XP 3,200 NE Medium aberration (extraplanar. sorrowsworn) Init +2; Senses darkvision 120 ft., Perception +9, see in darkness Defense AC 20, touch 13, flat-footed 17 (+2 Dex, +1 dodge, +7 natural) hp 78 (12d8+24) Fort +6, Ref +8, Will +8 Immune hit point damage from mind-influencing abilities; Resist cold 10, electricity 10, fire 10 Defensive Abilities cushioning shadow, harvester of sorrow Weakness lingering dread Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee 5 claws +12 (1d6+3 plus grab) Special Attacks clutching fear, psychic embrace Statistics Str 17, Dex 15, Con 15, Int 6, Wis 10, Cha 12 Base Atk +9; CMB +12 (+16 grapple); CMD 26 Feats Defensive Combat Training, Dodge, Improved Critical (claw), Lightning Reflexes, Lunge, Power Attack Skills Climb +12, Perception +9, Stealth +11, Swim +12 Languages Common, Shadowtongue Ecology Environment any land or underground (Plane of Shadow) Organization solitary or gang (2-7 mixed sorrowsworn) Treasure incidental Special Abilities Clutching Fear (Su) A creature grappled by a Lost sorrowsworn must succeed a DC 17 Will save or be frightened for as long as it is grappled and for 1d4 rounds thereafter. A creature that passes its save is immune to the clutching fear of that Lost for the next 24 hours. This is a mind influencing fear effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Cushioning Darkness (Su) In areas of dim light or darkness, a Lost sorrowsworn gains DR 3/- . Harvester of Sorrow (Su) A Lost sorrowsworn heals as a result of the suffering of others. It gains fast healing 12 if at least one creature within 15 feet has one or more of the following conditions: confused, cowering, dying, exhausted, fatigued, frightened, nauseated, panicked, shaken, sickened, staggered, or stunned. Lingering Dread (Ex) Any fear effect that a Lost sorrowsworn suffers from has double its normal duration. Psychic Embrace (Su) Whenever a Lost sorrowsworn takes damage while grappling an opponent, the opponent must succeed a DC 17 Will save or take the same amount of damage. This is a mind influencing effect, and the save DC is Charisma based.

[natjennie]

ok ok no because us wwdits girlies all have an episode from season 3 we cant stop fucking thinking about and mine is wellness center. because nandor was genuinely the victim of a lethal cult and barely escaped alive and we just. aren't talking about it. the fact that we got NOTHING between wellness center and superslumber deals me psychic damage. I need answers. I need recovery. I need nandor telling someone what happened. even if its not guillermo I need him to be able to talk about it. and make peace with it.

because he was manipulated by a dangerous pathological liar and performed self-mutilation rituals every night, and was actively taught foreign behavior in efforts to work toward an unattainable goal. he was never going to be human. it's impossible. it's a delusion. and I need him to really sit down and process that. he ripped his fangs out every night. we saw the members prepare human food, which makes vampires sick, and never saw any blood at all. was he entirely food deprived and actively ingesting foods that his body rejected for a month. did he get his soil. we didnt see them sleep. there certainly weren't coffins and who knows if he remembered to bring his ancestral soil with him. are you telling me nandor was deprived of food and sleep and had his brain inundated with human sensory overload for a month straight.

and then, out of nowhere, he sees guillermo again. the living, human embodiment of his past life and his goal, his hopes and dreams and prison at the same time. his mind is racing he knows guillermo brought stakes he knows this is gonna end in violence and he's so afraid for his new friends and doesnt want anyone to get hurt, and he can't protect himself because everything that made him feel powerful was vampire-based. now he's running through the complex with guillermo taking the lead and he has no idea what he wants and then he's flung into a silver seatbelt and wrangled into a silver cage. he's in pain and he's confused and no one has any answers and now he's stuck in this limbo, not human enough to die and not vampire enough to really live.

like!!! it's tragic! I need answers I need closure I need to absolutely beat jan's ass I need guillermo to snap her neck I need nandor to be ok.

[magicitemsrus]

Pen of Putrid Prose

Pen of Putrid Prose

“Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.” ~ The arcane writings of one dread wizard Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, supposed creator of The Pen of Putrid Prose

Magic Item/Minor Artifact/Misc.

The Pen of Putrid Prose is a magic pen that causes all words written by the user to appear painful and cringey to everyone who reads them. As a memetic agent item, it is very powerful in keeping secrets written in plain sight.

Painful Prose When someone reads a document written by a user of the Pen of Putrid Prose, they must make a Will save of DC 30.

Critical Success: The reader takes no damage and can read the document plainly

Success: The reader takes half damage and can read the document with some difficulty (GM Fiat)

Failure: The reader takes 5d6 lethal psychic damage and cannot stomach reading the document

Critical Failure: The reader takes 10d6 lethal psychic damage and cannot stand reading the document.

Scrollery with the Pen of Putrid Prose

Any creature with the ability to write scrolls may use the Pen of Putrid Prose to write a scroll. They are able to read the scroll and use it as scrolls are used in-game. However, any other creature who attempts to use the scroll will yield no results. They also must make the save as mentioned above or face the consequences as listed.

Illiteracy Saves

Any creature who does not meet a language requirement for reading the scroll is immune from it's effects. For example, if the writing is in draconic and the creature cannot read draconic, they are immune to the effects. However, any spell or ability that translates the scroll, magically or not, will cause the affected creature to suffer the consequences as listed above.

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Brain Mole

CR 1

Neutral Tiny Magical Beast

Pathfinder Bestiary 5, pg. 46

These nasty little beasts are what happens when colonies of naked mole rats are exposed to ma-- oh they’re actually a creation of a mad mage--oh wait no are they creatures from beyond the stars who--No? Really? They’re just part of the natural world? They evolved naturally like that?

Huh. Golarion wildlife is weird, and it takes a lot to make me say that.

Living underground in colonial nests of up to a half-dozen individuals like the naked mole rats they resemble, Brain Moles feed on magic and intelligence itself, erupting from the earth in groups to eat their fill from any creature that crosses their path. While capable of feeding on the mental energy of any living creature, Brain Moles are nourished by magical energy above all other forms, feeding with equal voracity on Arcane, Divine, Psychic, or Primal magic. Their Second Sight grants them 60ft of Blindsight against any creature capable of casting spells, and will prioritize such creatures above all others.

With only 2 Intelligence, below the threshold of sapience, Brain Moles work via instinct alone. Their usual tactic is to rush up to an enemy--enchanting themselves with Expeditious Retreat as needed--and leap at them with their toothy maws facing outwards. Due to their size, their bite is incapable of dealing lethal damage unless the target is already basically unconcious, victims of this savaging taking 1d3-3 damage. The danger is in their automatic attach, sticking fast to foes vastly larger than themselves and sucking out their brain juice with Brain Drain.

Brain Drain is notable for being completely irresistible; there’s no saving throw you can make to prevent it, unless you count the Mole’s initial bite. With +10 to its grapple checks, they have a fairly good chance to maintain their hold, subjecting their victim to their hungers. A creature unable to detach the creature before its next turn takes automatic bite damage, spellcasters immediately losing one of their spell slots, while non-casters take 1 point of damage to each of their mental ability scores. Each time they successfully Brain Drain a victim, they gain 1 point of psychic energy back if they’ve lost any and become increasingly nourished.

Side note: While the book states they’re not the dine-and-dash type and will in fact continue to feed until their victim falls unconscious, I personally think that’s rather silly and would state they become full after only 4 levels-worth of spells or 4 points of ability score damage, to put them in line with their fellow stat-damage scourges of low-level parties, the Stirge. Feeding beyond this threshold can have... interesting consequences.

Anyway, back on topic: they have 12 points of psychic energy at base that they can use to fuel their psionic abilities, each of their psychic spells taking only 1 point of energy from this pool. As mentioned before, they can use Expeditious Retreat to vastly accelerate their movement to either get into our out of a bad situation, but they also interestingly have Silent Image available to them... And Mind Thrust I, which does 2d8 mental damage to any target (half on a successful Will save) within 35ft of the hungry Mole. A cluster of Brain Moles can cause some serious damage just by using Mind Thrust I over and over, and any prey that proves to be too much for them may simply be psionically battered into submission and then fed upon while they’re unconscious, all but spelling their deaths in Golarion’s wilderness.

I personally think it’s interesting that Brain Moles have Silent Image as one of their psionic spells, despite lacking the sapience needed to use the spell creatively. It’s possible they may simply use it to form false walls in their subterranean nests, or form sudden visages of fearsome predators to ward off creatures coming to feed upon the tiny rodents. More likely, however, is that Silent Image is there to be used by the mole’s master. Yes, any caster that has reached 5th level and whose alignment is within one step of Neutral can take one of these parasites as a Familiar! And lets be honest, who wouldn’t want to wake up to that nightmare lamprey face every morning?

You can read more about them here.

[thirdtofifth]

Harpoon Spider Large aberration, chaotic evil Armor Class 16 (natural armor) Hit Points 114 (12d10 + 48) Speed 40 ft., climb 20 ft. Str 17, Dex 19, Con 18, Int 14, Wis 12, Cha 9 Saving Throws Dex +7 Skills Perception +4, Stealth +7 Senses darkvision 120 ft., passive Perception 14 Languages Common, Undercommon Challenge 5 (1800 XP) Harpoons. The harpoon spider has two harpoon fangs attached to long filaments. The filament can be attacked (AC 20; 10 hit points; immunity to poison and psychic damage). Destroying the harpoon filament deals no damage to the harpoon spider. It takes the harpoon spider 1 week to regrow all of its lost harpoons and filaments. Spines. Whenever a creature makes a melee attack against the harpoon spider while within 5 feet of it, that creature takes 4 (1d8) piercing damage. Actions Multiattack. The harpoon spider makes one harpoon fang attack, then one bite attack. Harpoon Fang. Ranged Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, range 30 ft., one creature. Hit: 11 (2d6+4) piercing damage. If the target is a Large or smaller creature, it must succeed on a DC 14 Strength saving throw or be pulled into an unoccupied space within 5 feet of the harpoon spider. A creature that fails its save is also grappled by the harpoon spider (escape DC 14). Until this grapple ends, the harpoon spider can't use the same harpoon fang on another target. Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 8 (1d8+4) piercing damage. If the target is a creature, it must succeed on a DC 14 Constitution saving throw or take an additional 14 (4d6) poison damage.

These subterranean monsters often lurk in the Underdark, though there are rumors of variants that lurk on the surface. They hide among the rocks, shooting out a harpoon fang attached to a long fleshy tendon they can quickly retract, dragging their foe to them so they can deliver a lethal venomous bite. It hunts in a large territory around its lair, where it brings incapacitated foes after impaling them on its spines. A cruel creature, it often has fun playing with its captured prey before consuming it. These creatures can also be found in the company of ettercaps and giant spiders. A harpoon spider is around 8 feet long and weighs about 1400 pounds. 

Originally from the Monster Manual III. An anonymous request.  If there is a monster from 3.5 or Pathfinder that you want to see converted to 5e, feel free to send me a message or submit a monster request on the submit page. I have gotten to many requests, many are works in progress and are completed but simply need workshopping before release.