#me: there is no permanent state of being me 2 seconds later: but if i cant do this bcus of my sanity i may as well die

[imustbenuts]

theres a few ??? thing going on in trigun stampede that's explicitly japanese/sino-ish in culture but im entirely not sure what to make of it. 3 things.

Knives' birthname being settled as Kni/Nai,

JuLai's emblem symbolism,

and the Buddha Thread??? thing in ep 11 10

Knives' birthname is Kni and hm! ...無い?

this is specifically a stampede thing. nightow didnt give him this Kni name in his work, so i can only chalk this up to the stampede staff's deliberate decision. if you render it into japanese, it'd be Nai, and the immediate word i can think of is... 無い. meaning, Nothing, or Without.

it fits rather well considering stampede has officially placed an emphasis on his obsessive love towards his brother on his bio on their official site:

my TL:

Vash's twin brother. Possesses a cold and merciless personality. Filled with a hatred for humans, he masterminds an organization with a plan to massacre the entire human species. With abilities beyond human understanding, he has the power to destroy entire planets. He greatly loves his only younger twin brother, Vash to an obsessive degree.

interestingly, the word used for the obsessive love here specifically is 執着 shuuchaku, which has roots/association with the word Abhinivesha. from what i understand it is a mental state, a fear of death, and a desperation to cling onto life so much one becomes ignorant and causes their own suffering. and ignorance is another big core of what makes Knives' character tick.

so i feel like this has some pointers towards Knives, or even child Kni being nothing without his younger brother. (or it could just be a simpler play on the word naive lmao)

meanwhile for Vash there's not really anything japanese that jumps out at me, but some have pointed out his name sounds like the french word Vashe, used for female cattle. extremely passive and born for consumption and theres a lot to dissect in that direction but im not going there! his name is Knife and his brother is a cattle there's catholicism may your brain go brr.

theres more to the nothingness concept in buddhism that doesnt put it squarely in a negative category but lets talk about buddhism later. next:

JuLai's emblem

stared at this for a few seconds and yelled fuck me. this represents the twins, AND its the broken yin yang symbol:

:). hey look at that female thing popping up again--

Knives is evidently the light Yang, and Vash is the dark Yin. ngl this daoist thing is somewhat sexist but lets brush that over 2 thousand year old aspect aside for this post. for stampede's case we can clearly see what theming is going on especially for those in the know of the original work.

Knives is hella assertive to the point of echoing fascist eugenics nonsense, and Vash has that nurturing instinct that seems to pop in whenever there's a human child or people who needs help.

interestingly the planet No Man's Land has too much fugging sun and is too hostile for human life. to survive people have to live in the shade and turn to plants for counters to the harsh, hot celestial sun. so here if Knives is being the sun, hes also being hostile to human life, and meanwhile the feminine looking plants and Vash's personality plus actions are the only thing giving these people at chance at life. (also vash has the power of Dark Matter or something)

obviously, just like JuLai's broken symbol, the balance is completely and utterly out of whack. in daoism a broken balance is thought to cause a lot of suffering. in the finale, Vash doesnt have a single speck of white on him, and Knives doesn't have a single speck of black. this means there isn't a balance and they cant come to an agreement at all.

im gonna also point out here that vash's idea of co-existence even if accepted wouldnt be a permanent solution due to the dependents having limited lifespan. so through this lens, stampede seems to be saying that neither twin's ideas are really effective long term solution, tho Knives is completely unacceptable due to obvious genocidal reasons.

Buddha Thread

studio orange whaaat are you guys cooking over there... ok so. in ep 11, Knives drops Vash into the uhhh The Hell Pool, and Vash tries to get out of it with his wire and hangs for a bit. then we get a scene like this:

Knives proceeds to cut Vash's thread and he drops into The Hell Pool. and then the metaphorical SA scene happens.

i call it Buddha Thread but this can also be known as The Spider's Thread. there exists a story of The Spider's Thread that's very Japanese-Buddhist and well known over there.

the gist of this story is that Buddha lowers a single spider thread to a sinner in the deepest hell as a lifeline to get out, bc this heavy sinner had done a singular good deed of saving a spider he was about to crush with his foot. however, the thread is broken as a result of the sinner's selfishness yelling for the other sinners below him to let go, claiming this thread was his and his alone. the sinner having climbed halfway upwards the thread after great effort plunges back into the pits of hell. buddha having watched all of this reacts with sadness, and the days in paradise carry on as per usual.

and. digest that for a second. and then refer back to Knives and The Fall and this scene that plays later, when Vash's mind wipe begins proper:

fuck. me. knives is framed as a self proclaimed god in the loudest ways on multiple levels.

while these 3 aspect i just broke down explaining do not exist at least overtly in the original trigun, i thought it would be interesting to chew on in light of the overwhelming catholicism existing in the story.

there's some themes im also picking up from the original trigun that might be rooted in either buddhsim or japanese culture such as: the undeniable truth that yearning and hunger is part of the human living experience and to deny it is to deny living. but im not sure what to make of it bc A) not explicitly framed or explored as a buddhsim/japanese idea thing and B) catholicsm obv is the overwhelming theme of the entire work

idk what the heck studio orange is cooking exactly but. hm.

[wangxianficrecs]

Rewind 2023 - Follower Recs

WangxianFicRecs - Rewind 2023

For our Rewind 2023, our dear followers were also able to submit Follower Recs of their favourite stories published in 2023 for you to enjoy! Thank you to everyone who shared their recs and make sure to give the authors some love!

~*~

Lovely fic, the worldbuilding really got me hook, it is background but absolutely fascinating. -Anon

The Lines of your Soul

by athena_crikey

M, 24k, Wangxian & Nielan

Summary: At this point he just wants to get Lan Zhan horizontal so he can sleep off the drugs that are making him make little confused snuffling noises and ask questions like “How soft is purple?” and “Where did the moon go?” and “Why does Wei Ying smile all the time?” Lan Zhan under the influence is cute, and it makes Wei Wuxian genuinely angry because he cannot appreciate it. This is not something Lan Zhan chose, this is not even an accident, this is an intentional violation and none of the sounds or questions or wide-eyed glances Lan Zhan is giving him are his choice.

~*~

Not an easy read, there is a lot of hurt there, but how lwj and wwx behaved in such an awful situation really got to me. -Anon

swallowing rocks, swallowing peach skins

by AvoOwO

M, 24k, Wangxian

Summary: There is an indescribable rage boiling within Lan Wangji's chest. Lan Wangji has often heard stories of unsuspecting travelers being taken from their camp within the night, held against their wills only to be somehow found weeks later, dead and in the most horrid of states. Stories are hard enough to read about. It is worse, he thinks, when it is Wei Ying he is here with, gagged and bound in the same way. They walk, and walk, and walk, and they do not stop.

~*~

Lwj and wwx are just. such disasters. and I loved their jobs, especially lwj. it was a very enjoyable read. -Anon

To See You (Again)

by FrameofMind (@frameofmind6), Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle)

E, 84k, Wangxian

Part of Bottomji Big Bang 2023

Summary: A new job brings Wei Ying to London, and back into Lan Zhan's life. Many things have changed since their time in boarding school (Lan Zhan is out of the closet, arranges charcuterie boards, stocks a fine bar…), but their friendship slots right back into place like no time has passed. Wei Ying is a little perplexed by the fact that Lan Zhan apparently doesn't have any interest in dating anyone despite being an obvious catch—but hey, at least that means he doesn't have to fight anyone for Lan Zhan's time and attention. And besides, it's not like Wei Ying is in any big rush to find himself a girlfriend either. It’s all working out great!

~*~

This story is a ton of fun and such a different and interesting concept. @danegen

Pairfire

by PaidSubscription

E, 65k, Wangxian

Part of Bottomji Big Bang 2023

Summary: Welcome, young cultivators, to the most important event of your lives: your Coming of Age Symposium. At dawn tomorrow, you will be assigned to your pairmate. You will then complete the following courses together. Week 1: Love Languages (core course) Week 2: Conflict Resolution (core course) Week 3: Guided Gender Selection (core course, ongoing) Week 4: Caring for Your Pairmate in Distress (elective) Week 5: Heat Week (elective) On your final day you will choose which permanent A/B/O gender is right for you. We will provide guidance as you try each of them in the coming weeks. Good luck. OR: WangXian are unexpectedly paired for a relationship course. Shenanigans, pining, gender feels and horniness ensues. With art by Beanie.

~*~

This series was so much fun, especially watching Lan Wangji's lust for Wei Wuxian from Su She's POV. And I'm grateful the author included a second part so we can see all the bits we missed and how wangxian got together. Also lwj's competency kink for wwx's brilliance was gold. @gentil-minou

💙 The epic college romance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan

by KizuKatana (@kizukatana)

E, WIP, Series, 57k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary part one: The (bitter) third party pov of the epic college romance between Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, as told from the pettiest NPC to ever exist. - - - - - A new student transferred into the university in their second year, and Su She was gleeful to see how much Lan Zhan was irritated by him from the very first day that the student (Wei something) showed up late for class with a ratty hoodie pulled up over his head and proceeded to sleep through lecture. Finally, someone else would be the butt of everyone’s jokes as they watched Wei Ying constantly try and fail to get Lan Zhan’s attention. When midterm grades came out, Su She was expecting the guy to be humiliated. That was… not what happened. Worse still, Lan Zhan was now actually turning his head to look at the guy when he spoke. And... wait, was Lan Zhan… putting his hand on the guy’s ass?! No. Su She does not accept this.

~*~

I love historical aus and Greaser!WWX with GoldenBoy!LWJ is one we know well, butI love this fic for all the heart it has and the way it covers setting-typical homophobia. Wangxian get a happy ending and then the epilogue at the end really just made me feel all kinds of feelings about being queer. @gentil-minou

Mad about the Boy

by TriviasFolly (@triviasfolly)

M, 62k, Wangxian

Summary: It's 1954, and Lan Zhan's life would be going well if it wasn't for the charming Wei Ying. Did he say charming? He meant annyoing. If it wasn't for that smile Lan Zhan could accept the future planned for him, the job as Cheif Surgeon who returned home to a demure wife who'd cook him dinner and asking him about his day. Instead, he finds himself dreaming about something more. So when Wei Ying offers him a deal, one that would get him out of Lan Zhan's life he took it. When the evening goes wrong, Lan Zhan expects his life to be over. Instead, he finds it's just the start of a new chapter.

~*~

The way this author made the story of the Scarlet Pumpenel fit in mdzs is, in my opinion, masterful. The arranged marriage is built on devastating misunderstanding after devastating misunderstanding, but the identity shenanigans are so fun! Other highlights include Jiang sect love and wangxian adopting not only A-Yuan but MXY as well. So much fun and an epic adventure! @gentil-minou

The Scarlet Lotus

by rainbowninja167 (@rainbowtitania)

M, 137k, Wangxian

Summary: In the years following the Sunshot Campaign, the mysterious, masked cultivator who’d defeated Wen Ruohan took on many identities: the Yiling Patriarch, leader of the Wen rebels, enemy of the Jin Sect, practitioner of wicked tricks. His true name was shrouded in mystery. He always wore a mask. He carried no sword; wore no clan colors or insignia. Clouds of resentful energy clung to him as he walked. But there was one thing that absolutely everyone agreed on: the Yiling Patriarch could not possibly be from the Jiang Sect. Or: a Scarlet Pimpernel-inspired fix-it featuring Wei Wuxian in disguise, Lan Wangji determined to bring the nefarious Yiling Patriarch to justice, and the hijinks that ensue when you accidentally marry your greatest enemy/love of your life.

~*~

Another fun and sexy fic built on misunderstandings but I love the tone of this one! There's a lot of heart in this fic along with some real world issues along with just lots of wwx love, which makes this fic something i reread again and again! @gentil-minou

With No Particular Affection

by Chrononautical (@chrononautintraining)

E, 92k, Wangxian

Summary: A prominent physicist and professor, Wei Ying has built a life for himself in Chicago. He's safe, he's happy, and he has plans for his future. Unfortunately, those plans are derailed the moment he finds out his brother is in trouble. To save the family business, it will have to be Wei Ying's life on the line. He has to marry his old high school crush, Lan Zhan.

~*~

wangxian exploring their sexuality while getting to act their age in cloud recesses is such a wonderful premise, and I love the way this fic lets them not being good at it. Also the little excerpts from the book throughout were such fun and always made me giggle! @gentil-minou

Fentao-laoshi's Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures

by occultings (microcomets) (@microcomets)

E, 31k, Wangxian

Part of the good place server exchange 2023

Summary: Lan Wangji says, “I am also looking to . . . gain practical experience. It seemed mutually advantageous.” “Mutually advantageous,” Wei Wuxian echoes. “Wait. Do you mean I’d get to . . . ?” Lan Wangji stares at him. “Practice — on you?” Wei Wuxian finishes, his eyes round with disbelief. — During a shared summer studying in the Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian diligently pursue an informed sexual education. What could possibly be the harm in some mutual learning?

~*~

the most heartbreaking, angsty, canon setting arranged marriage au i've read so far, in the best way. We get to see things from LWJ's pov and while his actions make sense, it's still so devastating as we watch WWX be affected by it all. The happy ending makes the hurt all the better too! @gentil-minou

💙 Concord

by Deastar (@youhideastar)

T, 41k, Wangxian | Kay's Rec

Summary: Lan Wangji hopes, somewhat frivolously, that his betrothed might find him an acceptable companion. Neither he nor Wei Wuxian are able to bear children, so there will be no need to share a marital bed; that should make it easier for the two of them to reach a natural, comfortable equilibrium. Two strings played in harmony: this is Lan Wangji’s quiet hope, as he arranges the Jingshi to accommodate a second inhabitant. Perhaps, he thinks, they might even become friends.

~*~

MothXian and WitchJi!!!!! The art for this au is always so lovely, and this fic fits it perfectly! The author has this gorgeous, dreamy prose that really enhances the setting and the sweetness of wangxian in this is so beautiful. @gentil-minou

light a lantern (and guide me home)

by xuanxuanwo (ostentatiouslyrealistic) (@xuanxuanwo)

T, 63k, Wangxian

Summary: At first, he thinks he’s caught a bird; it’s the size of one of his palms and wrapped fully in damp feathers. As he shuffles toward the beam of light that streams through the open window, he wonders how it managed to fly into his lantern, shut the door, and latch it against the wild gales of the wind. Then, he takes a closer look, thumbing across its feathers, and realizes that they’re not feathers at all. They’re leaves. Startled, Lan Zhan shifts as gently as possible and, using the tip of his finger, parts them to reveal a body, complete with tiny limbs and a small face, all of it wrapped in the dress made from peony petals. “Oh,” Lan Zhan breathes softly, heart clenching. “Oh, what are you?” -- A thunderstorm brings tea master and herbalist Lan Zhan a companion he never knew he needed. A tale of love, loss, and letting go.

~*~

Rockstar!WWX and Bookseller!LWJ and they are just the cutest. Notting Hill is a classic romcom and this fic fits the romcom vibe perfectly. @gentil-minou

When the Lights Come Up

by brooklinegirl

E, 50k, Wangxian

Summary: Lan Zhan's brother draws to a halt next to him, staring at the man on the other side of the counter. "Oh, it is you, isn't it?" The man, still propped against the counter on his elbow, gives Lan Huan a grin, then directs it at Lan Zhan again. "I don't know," he says. "Is it? Am I?" "You are." Lan Huan is hurrying around to the other side of the counter, a wide smile on his face, while Lan Zhan looks on, feeling more and more perplexed, like he's stepped into some alternate universe where absolutely nobody is making any sense at all. "Wei Wuxian! Lan Zhan, do you know who this is? It's Wei Wuxian!" Lan Huan is reaching for the man's hand, and he pushes himself lazily to standing, shaking Lan Huan's hand warmly. "In the flesh," he says. "You caught me." "My goodness." Lan Huan is staring at him like he's never seen a human being before in his life. "What on earth are you doing here, of all places?

~*~

magical wangxian who adopt mo xuanyu in a setting that's written so vividly, the whole place comes alive! it's part of a larger series but it can be read alone, but most importantly the characters are so patient and kind with such great moments between them all @gentil-minou

quiet, blooming hours

by Sanguis (@bel-ennui)

T, 13k, Wangxian

Summary: Fingers push through the earth, and a long lost boy takes the first gasping breath of his second life. The house of buried things has a new surprise for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji.

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for these hard-working authors if you like – or think others might like – these stories.)

[grave-z-boy]

Right so I love your writing and just need more mx m cause fuck I'm tired of imaging dead me .

I'm a Trans man..I think ( female to male ??) So I was hoping for a fic somewhat like that . Arthur and reader meet when they're female but 2 years later or so they meet again and arthur doesnt recognize y/n (because they transitioned) I just want some fluff and acceptance of that . I know back then homosexuality was a big no no and being trans is unheard of so it'll be fun to see where you take it.

Arthur Morgan x Trans!Male!Reader

Summary: You’ve felt stuck and unhappy for years, so, in pursuit of your own happiness you leave everyone and everything you’ve even known behind. Including your currently out of state lover, Arthur Morgan.

Word count: 6,011

Warnings: reader is a bartender, reader steals, readers sister and mother are mentioned, implied past sex between Arthur and reader, drinking and alcoholism mentioned (not reader or Arthur), y/n and his guns, guns mentioned, shooting mentioned, abandonment, hurt comfort, reader being One Of The Guys™️, sleep deprived Arthur, Tilly being helpful, reader get misgendered and deadnamed a lot but it’s before they knew he was trans, reader cries really fucking hard at one point Arthur being sleep deprived, sleep deprive Arthur being really gay for Reader, not mentioned in the story but the reason Arthur is so tired is because about half way though his second trip to town his horse bucked him off for pushing her too hard and he had to walk the rest of the way, worlds longest warning list damn

Sept. 15, 18XX

My Dear Arthur Morgan

It’s been thirteen months since I saw you last. The time has passed slowly for me- sometimes it felt as though I was standing still for days at a time. Like everyone and everything around me was moving forward- but for me, and only me, time stood still. In the months since you’ve left it seems my joy, as well as a my love for my home town, has dwindled to nothing. Staying here, the way I am, it pains my heart. I know I said I would be here, that I would wait for you to return. But I need to change and the change that I need cannot be achieved here. The people here know me, they’ve known me my whole life, and no matter what I do I will always be that same little girl to them.

I’m heading up to a little town in Nevada, maybe I can start over there.

Always yours, D/n.

Arthur received your final letter months ago. In the time since he’s read it hundreds of times, mulling over every little detail. The crumbles in the paper, the unevenness of your writing, the all too familiar tear stains that permanently warped small circles on the page, the way your name ripped through the paper, as though you’d traced it dozens of times before sending it off.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever understand what happened, why after all this time of waiting, all this time of writing him dozens of love letters, why you decided to say goodbye, he understood change. Arthur has seen people change, he’s changed, and if it was change you needed he’d do it again. But you left. If he really wanted to, he could find you, ride day and night, ask everyone he saw if they’d seen the beautiful woman that he loved more than anything. But…

You didn’t want that. You didn’t want to be hunted down, you didn’t need to be convinced. You needed change, not a reason to stay the same. So he let you go and even when the following days were filled with the nothing but pain and confusion and the complete desolation your decision brought, he still let you go.

The gang knew he was hurting, he was withdrawn, went off on his own for a couple of days. They figured he went to find you, but when he returned, without you and in a severely worse state, they knew not to press him on it.

You weren’t much better.

This was your decision and you were going to live with it. You yearned for Arthur, every day and every night, it was different from waiting for him in your hometown, he was the one who’d left then, but you knew he’d come back to you one day. Now you were the one leaving, and you could never go back to him.

You needed to move on, you sold every piece of clothing you had to a local tailor, it was almost funny to see some of your nicer dresses displayed in the window the next morning, early on, your new wardrobe came from various drunk men. You’d be surprised just how much you could find in an alley next to a bar. After you had an outfit, a proper male outfit, you were able to assimilate.

You lived above a tavern. The owner was far too old and far too tired to run it anymore, and he wanted to live in his own house for the first time in decades, so he offered you the place for a little over a hundred bucks. You worked at the bar at night, while you handled various chores and other responsibilities during the day. The pay wasn’t great, but you had a permanent place to stay and spare food from the bar to eat, and it was more than enough.

You’d taken up a new name, y/n, you thought about it for a long time before you left. A good name, the name of a proud man with no connection to who you were before. No one ever questioned you. You were just a man to them. They teased you, in the earlier days, called you feminine, pointed out your hand, your cheeks, and your hips among other things, but in the end it was just teasing, they didn’t know why you were like that, and they didn’t question when you put in an effort to change or hide your more feminine aspects. Maybe they were just too drunk to care.

You loved this life, you were just the friendly bartender.

But even with this new life, you found yourself missing aspects of you’re old one.

Your old friends, your old family, your old lover. They wouldn’t take you back, not like this, they’d think something was wrong, they’d try to change you, try force you back into the box you clawed yourself out of.

But still you dreamed of them, your sisters cooking, the way she was effortlessly graceful even when she was teasing you, your friends, the girls you’ve know since you were in diapers, singing, making flower crowns, getting into trouble. Arthur…

You dreamed of Arthur the most. Your days and nights were filled with thoughts of him. You think back to your last night together, the way he held you so tightly, you swore you could still feel his hands there. The praises he muttered, the love he confessed through out the night, every move he made, the way he left and the hole that was left in your chest after.

You dreamed of him, like one day you’d wake up and he’d be beside you. And he tell you that he loved you, not d/n, not the girl from before, but you, y/n, as your truest self.

But just like yesterday, and the days before that, he wasn’t there when you opened your eyes.

The sun was just coming up. But the sliver of light that did shine through the window seemed to magically be angled at your eyes. Making the rest you so desperately wanted impossible.

You pushed yourself up with a groan, your elbow popping the moment you were upright, your eyes were just barely open, you scratched your chest and let out a long yawn.

Your room was still dark for the most part, but you were still able to pull on some pants and fasten a belt so you could head downstairs. The tavern was empty, you cleaned up good last night and you wouldn’t have to worry about really opening until later. Still, you unlocked the front door and flipped the wooden sign in the window to say open, the people here knew you weren’t really open to serve, you were just open to the chatty people that passed through in the morning, locals coming to say hi, or travelers in need of direction, others came to sit with their friends and get out of the violent Nevada sun. Either way, you’d be polite enough to them, but they weren’t welcome for a drink for another couple of hours.

Stepping into the backyard you picked the laundry off the line and into a basket. You heard the bell up on top of the front door ring a couple of times. As you got closer to the back door you could hear the faint chatter of two people inside, Doctor Mayer, one of three doctors in town, and Anita, a house wife. She was in here more often than her husband was, but you always figured that she just needed something to do while he worked considering you’ve only ever seen her drink a handful of times in the past year.

When you came through the back door she let out an excited yelp,

“Y/n!” She shouted, like she hadn’t seen you the night before.

“Mrs. Matthews.” You said with a respectful nod. “How’s you’re husband?”

She groaned, “paranoid.”

Setting the basket down on the bar, in between the upturned stools, you turned back to her.

“He used to be a farmer, farmers are always paranoid.”

“He was not a damn farmer, don’t let that man fool you, he was a farm hand, it’s different,”

Dr. Mayer piped in, his voice low and tired, though that just how he always sounded, “the bastard smells like one…”

“It’s getting warmer out there.” You responded, leaning against the bar.

“Doesn’t mean he has to walk around smelling like a damn animal!”

You laughed, turning back to Anita, “what does your husband do anyway?”

“He’s a banker, which is why he’s so damn paranoid in the first place.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well..” she stated, adjusting herself in her chair, “one of his colleague’s brother-in-law told his colleague that he saw a gang ‘a outlaws heading up this way, but here’s the kicker, Johnny, the colleague, is a notorious liar. Lies left and right like his life depends on it.”

“Johnny Flores?” You asked.

She smacked the table, “That’s the bastard!”

“Yeah, he comes in here every Wednesday like clockwork, telling the boys his stories. It’s a surprise the whole town hasn’t heard about this..”

“Well, it isn’t Wednesday yet, is it? It’ll make it’s way into you’re bar, don’t worry”

You laughed again, grabbing the basket off the table you said, “Alright, I’ll be back in a minute, got a few more thing to settle.”

You weren’t too worried about the rumors, there wasn’t much in the town anyways, no sheriff either so if they did come and make noise, it’d be a free for all and they’d leave with less than they came with. Everybody had a gun, hell- you had two, a shotgun the last owner had given you, and a pistol Arthur had given you a few weeks before he left, one was under the bar on a shelf, the other was under your bed, you’ve never really had a need for either, but if Johnny was being truthful for once in his life, which you doubted, you figured it was good to have them.

That night, when the bar did open, a few unfamiliar faces strode in, though none were to shady. A couple of working girls took to them quick and they were gone after being chatted up by for a bit. Outside of that, it was a normal night.

You closed late, shooing out the last drunk nearly two hours later than usual. Wiping down the tables, flipping the chairs and stools on them, washing the glasses, sweeping, mopping and making sure the front and back door was locked before heading upstairs. You scrubbed yourself down at your washstand. Of all things you missed from your old home, your bathtub was one of the bigger ones. Your mother had invested in it early on, and now you were saving to have one installed here too. What you wouldn’t do for a hot bath after a long day. You were almost there, another fifty dollars and you’d have all the money you needed. That’s were a good portion of your money went, you didn’t mind, after all you’ve sacrificed you deserve something nice.

——-

A couple of weeks later, Wednesday afternoon, Johnny Flores and a couple of his friend decided to take over the seats directly in front of the bar. Again, he told stories of bandits headed your way, but he was “serious” this time.

“I swear, I know what I saw, Dutch’s boys, just like the damn posters! I saw them coming from the east, clear as day.”

Before one of his friend could respond you asked, “and what the hell were you doing in the east, huh?”

“Well-“ he straightened himself out, “I was out with my lady friend-“

“The prostitute-“ his friend, Oscar, interrupted.

“-Not a prostitute, she's a-”

“-escort-” both Johnny and his three friends said together, they've heard that one before.

“Isnt that the same thing?” you asked.

“He doesn't think so!” Oscar said.

“They almost knocked our carriage over!” Johnny shouted, getting the conversation on track.

“Sure they did..” you said, drying the glass in your hand before setting it back down. “Bet they stuck you up too, only let you live cuz you're so pretty.”

“Go to hell, y/n.”

“I'll go where ever your lying, drunk ass ain't.”

“Im not lying, and I’m not drunk either, so get me another whiskey, asshole!”

“Hey now,” Daniel, who was also a regular, piped up, “careful how you talk to him, he might shoot ya’”

You set the glass down in front of him, he snatched it quickly, gulping it down.

“Or I might just piss in your whiskey.”

He choked hard, luckily the drink went down his throat instead of all over your counter, then you would have shot him. His face morphed to one of irritation, but his friend's laughter was infectious and he found himself laughing along with them.

The night ended with you carrying a passed out Johnny to the alley, you cleaned up, scrubbed yourself down, and went to bed just as you always did.

The next morning a delivery was made to the bar, food and alcohol, you kept your meats and some of your more expensive liquor in the ice box and things like bread and supplies were kept on the shelf. Food wasn't ordered commonly in the tavern, but there were those who ate here nearly every night because they had no skill for cooking and no one else to do it for them. You enjoyed those people, and you think they enjoyed you too, especially since the last owner would drive them out if they tried to come in for more than three days in a row. He thought that they were stealing food from other customers, but you didn't, You knew they were just hungry and needed to eat, and they couldn't be stealing because they always paid.

After that, your day was pretty normal- other than what you consider to be one the best things to happen to you in a long time- your bathtub, your beautiful porcelain bathtub with golden feet and faucet, was done. Fully installed and in perfect working order. You weren't going to pretend to understand how the man you paid did it, but he did. And finally, after what felt like years, you were able to take a hot bath.

It was weird, staring down at your distorted body as you soaked. Usually, when you scrubbed yourself down at the washstand all you could think of was how desperately you wanted this to be over. Your mind was clear, but that clarity only lasted so long though, as it did most nights, your mind wander to Arthur.

Saying you missed him was redundant, it was meaningless, it was stupid. You know, but you did. Letting out a long sigh, the last time you saw Arthur was like a dream, you spent an entire day together, you woke up together, ate together, bathed together, dressed together- everything you did, every little move you made reminded you of that day. And with Johnny spreading rumors about the Dutch’s gang, you heard his name more and more. You let yourself sink into the water, your eyes clenched shut as warm water covered your face. You stayed there longer that you should have, when you finally sat up, you were nearly gasping for air.

You got out few minutes later, you were tired, dressing yourself halfway before collapsing into bed.

You didn’t dream that night, your mind either too tired or too pained to show you your usual fantasies.

——-

Arthur swore he wouldn’t look for you, he swore it to you and to himself that he’d let you be free. But it seemed unavoidable now. Dutch had settled the gang in a large clearing in Nevada, the gang was mostly hidden by a small chain of mountains, and there was a streak of towns and settlements all within a couple dozen miles from each other.

There weren’t many cities in Nevada, it was dry and damn near impossible to farm out here if you didn’t know what you were doing, and if that wasn’t enough, the heat would be.

You were out there somewhere.

Dealing with the heat, with the drought, and with the shitty crops. And you still didn’t go back home. He’s been to your home. He's gone back dozens of times, you were never there, whatever you wanted to do, whatever changes you made, you succeded. He was happy for you, you were happy, God he hoped you were happy- he doesn't know what he'd do if he found out you weren't. If you were somewhere miserable and sulking, all this time, when you could have been with him.

He pushed those thoughts back- you were happy, you had to be.

When Arthur mentioned he was riding into the nearest town, he got a few odd looks. It wasn't a secret that you'd run off to Nevada, not even close. Most didn't say much, maybe a quick good luck, or a request for something from town. Some didn't say anything, but Dutch did. Dutch warned him, warned him about you and how some changes weren't good, and if Arthur did see you that he needed to be careful.

Arthur wasn't one to ignore advice, and he didn't ignore it, he thought about it as he road through the desert lands of Nevada, but whatever changes you made, he could handle it. He wasn't a child, he didn't need have his hand held. There wasn't even a guarantee that you'd been in this town, or the next one. So for all he knew he'd never have to face you're changes.

The town was bustling with life. The people went about their business. The town was…normal. Small, busy, and normal. He road in unbothered, no one here seemed to care enough to even look when the man when he trotted by.

Hitching his horse to a sturdy pole he set off to one of the small shops nearby, after picking up some extra oat cakes and apples for the horse, he tried to find the sheriff’s office, only to find that this town didn't have one after asking a mildly disheveled yet nicely dressed man for directions, no government either. The town was its own unit outside of the occasional trading.

“Danny Hikman used to be the law here, well, not really, but he kept people on the right track. Encouraged them to do right- and get guns, he used to run a bar a little down the way, gave it to his nephew or something-” the man said, laughing slightly.

“‘ bar any good?” he asked, only half listening to the man.

“The best, fresh food, cold whiskey- bartenders a good guy too, won't hesitate to throw your ass out though.”

“I’ll bet- which way’s that bar, again?”

———

You started serving earlier than usual today, mostly so you could close earlier without complaint. The familiar chime of the bell above the door called your attention for a less than a second, you recognized Johnny, then looked back down at the glasses you were cleaning.

“Changing your schedule on me, Johnny? I thought you were a Wednesday man?”

He let out a short laugh, sitting in the spot directly in front of you, “just showing a friend around.”

“You’re friends are all alcoholics, I doubt they need help finding a bar.”

“Hey now, I’ve got a new friend. Mr. Uhh-“

“Arthur.”

You felt like you’d just jumped out of your skin, the glass in your hand clattered against the floor, ever so sturdy. Landing thankful one piece. Staring at the man in front of you, standing just behind Johnny, Arthur Morgan, right there, looking just the way he did when he left, just the way you remember him.

He glanced at Johnny, then back at you- it felt like he looked right through you. Looking at you with none of the love or adoration from before. Because he loved d/n, not y/n. Y/n was just a bartender to him, an awful one who apparently couldn’t even hold a damn glass.

Your heart felt like it was collapsing in on itself, your chest was tight and you could feel your throat start to close as tears weld in your eyes. Quickly, you broke eye contact with Arthur, ducking down under the bar to grab the glass, using the sleeves of your shirt to wipe the forming tears in your eyes before standing up.

“Sorry boys,” you muttered, “you’re, uh, friend startled me is all.”

Taking off his hat and setting down on the counter, Arthur took a seat on one of the stools.

“Sorry, your friend here talked you up quite a bit, had to see for myself if what he said was true.”

You let out a laugh, forced and almost nervous, setting the glass down with the rest of the dirty glasses, you said, “Trust me, it’s true, what you looking for Mr. Arthur?”

“Just Arthur, and whiskey, thanks.”

You nodded to the man before heading to the storage room, you’d hate to admit it, but you wanted to run, straight passed the storage room and out the back door. But that would make Arthur think something was wrong, and yes, something was wrong, but he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t recognize you, and that was okay, it was supposed to be okay, you left so you wouldn’t be recognized, you left to start over. But he’s out there, and you were hiding in the storage room so you wouldn’t have to face him. You gave yourself a moment, for your throat to release and for your heart to stop pounding and aching. Only the pounding stopped. You needed to work, you couldn’t let them know anything was wrong.

Grabbing a bit of higher quality whiskey out of the icebox, feeling the frosty glass sting your hand as you carried it out of the storage room. Without looking up at the man you grabbed one of the clean glasses and poured him about half a glass. You remember Arthur complaining about it once, only getting serviced the tiniest amount of alcohol, no matter the price. Capping the bottle you gave a short wordless nod before setting it under the counter. Arthur grabbed the glass, before he could speak you were on the other side of the bar, serving somebody else.

Johnny didn’t stay long, he had other things to do on a Thursday afternoon, but Arthur stayed, you poured him a couple more glasses before cutting him off, at least from your expensive whiskey.

“How much do I owe you?” He ask, his speech a bit slurred as he sat unsteadily in his seat.

“Nothing, I’ll put it on Johnny’s tab, come Wednesday he won’t notice it.”

“Thank you kindly-“

“Y/n-“

“Thank you, y/n.”

“You have a good night Mr. Morgan.”

You crawled into bed that night, still in your day clothes, feeling like your heart had been torn out of your chest. And you cried, you cried until the sun came up, until your body couldn't cry anymore and every sound you made was a rough heaving sob. And when you had no more energy left to sob, you stared at your open window, watching the sunrise, listening to the people.

You were supposed to open today, unlocking the door and flipping the sign, staring out the window, at the people, at Mrs. Matthews waiting across the street for you to open your doors.

You flipped the sign back, you stated at the word “OPEN” facing you, then at Mrs. Matthews's face fell as the word “CLOSED” faced her.

————

Sitting on his cot, journal on his lap, Arthur stared at the picture he drew. It wasn't perfect, considering he was half drunk when he drew it, but it was something. The bartender from last night. He was…something. A nervous something. Arthur felt bad for him when he dropped the glass, then he just…stared at him, long enough for Arthur to get a spark of familiarity when he saw his face. Arthur tried to get his attention as the night went on, ordering drinks, asking questions, trying to get the man to stay close, be he'd walk away the moment he'd answered or served him.

He wasn't like that with other patrons, he laughed, he joked- then he kicked everyone out.

He heard him say he was closing early, but let him stay until he finished his last drink. Arthur thought about the name he'd given. Y/n.

“I see you're drawing d/n again, did you catch her in town?”

Looking up he saw Tilly standing next to him with a kind smile on her face.

“No, it's not d/n, some bartender in town, he looks so familiar.”

Tilly hummed, sitting on the cot with Arthur and taking the book out of his lap. She flipped through the pages quickly before finding a drawing of d/n, with your final letter stuck right next to it.

“Needs a change, huh? Maybe she skipped town and became a bartender, you never know.”

“A bartender and a man?”

“You never know Arthur. Maybe that's why she left, couldn't make a change like that where people know you. They would've hunted her down.”

“Tilly..”

“Maybe you should talk to the bartender, if it's not her then it's not her, but if it is, are you really going to miss seeing her again because you won't take a chance?”

Handing the journal back to him she said, “Just think about it, at least.” Then she walked away.

————

You heard the slam of the front door behind you as you sat the freshly cleaned glasses on the rack. If you were going to sulk and lock yourself in the bar then you were going to clean while you did it.

“We’re closed..” you said, your tone not exactly customer friendly.

You had a list of things you needed to do, you've already mopped the floor, scrubbed the tables and walls, washed every glass, plate, and utensil, did your laundry, scrubbed your tub, cleaned your room-

“D/n..?”

You paused, then glanced over your shoulder. You knew it was him, you already knew, you knew his voice too well to ever mistake it. Taking a breath, you hands shaking and heart pounding, you turned around.

“Arthur, I-” you breathed out, but you didn't know what to say. “How did you-”

“Lucky guess..”

Taking slow steps towards the bar, you heard him sigh.

“Are you…okay?” he asked, unsure.

You nodded, “Yeah, yeah I'm okay.”

“We should talk-”

“Yes, we should-”

You stepped from behind the counter, still unsure as to what could happen next. Then, without warning, you were pulled into a tight hug, Arthurs's body practically enveloping yours. You stood there, holding him as tightly as you could until your arms started to burn from the strain.

You didn't know what to say, or how to explain what happened, the realization you went through while he was gone, why you left.

When you pulled away you still didn’t know what to say, you opened your mouth to talk but no words came out. You kept your face glued to the ground for a long moment.

“You look different, I didn’t recognize you yesterday..”

You pulled out one of the stools.

“I told you I needed change.”

He pulled another out beside you.

“I know, I just don’t know what I was expecting.”

“This must be so confusing.”

“It is, but I’m betting it was more confusing for you that it could be for anybody else.”

Leaning on the counter, you looked up at him.

“I guess so. In my home town I figured that they’d be a little more angry than confused so I left..” you stopped, taking a breath, “I didn’t want to leave you, Arthur.”

Arthur sat there silently, his eyes turned towards the counter.

You couldn’t help but stare, you haven’t seen him in so long, his eyebrows were slightly scrunched downward, his pretty blue eyes focused on nothing as his mind raced. His fingers tapped against the counter every few seconds. You tried not to let that anxious feeling in your chest build, but the longer he was silent, the harder it got to push down.

“You said you aren't happy anymore..”

You blinked.

“I wasn't.”

“How about now? Are you happy now?”

“I'm.. I have more good days than I did before, so…yeah, I'm happy.”

He stayed silent for another moment. You figured he was just trying to find his words.

Then, when he did speak,

“I still love you.”

You sighed, “I still love you, too, Arthur.”

Another long silence passed. It was odd, you've dreamed of seeing him again, all the damn time. And now that he's here you didn't know what to say. Your relationship, how ever strong it was before, was dying. Even though you loved him and he loved you.

Arthur was having similar thoughts, he didn't care how much you changed, he wanted you to be happy. That's all he wanted for you. But he wants to be with you, he doesn't care that your a man, it doesn't matter to him, he doesn't think it's ever mattered. He's never thought too hard about it. But now, with you sitting there looking the way you did. Looking so different, so muchlike yourself, so much more at peace even though you were being confronted, he thought, ‘yeah, I could be with a man.’

Before he could, you took a chance.

“How long you thinking of staying in town for, Arthur?”

———-

You laughed, he missed your laugh.

“You can't just go around taking people's clothes off!”

“I needed clothes and they were so drunk they wouldn't miss them!” you argued.

“How have you not been caught yet?”

“I bought new clothes!”

“Why couldn't you do that first?”

“I needed to avoid suspicion.”

“Avoid suspicious by stealing clothes..”

You laughed again.

You and Arthur had found your way upstairs, both of you sat on the floor, leaning back against the wall. He asked you how you ended up here, it was funny, explaining to Arthur, a known outlaw, the various ways you broke the law, and having him lecture you.

“I will not take this from an outlaw!”

“You're an outlaw too, now, Clothes Bandit.”

“Oh that's awful, why couldn't I get something good?”

“‘Good’ like what?”

“I don't know, you're better at naming things than I am.”

He looked over at you a small smile on his face.

“Really now, Mr. Y/n, how’d you come up with that anyways?”

“Well I found a baby naming book.”

He sat up, giving you a look.

“Are you serious?”

You looked at him for a second, a stren expression on your face, then slowly a smile broke out on your face.

“You're an ass.”

“You really think I got Y/n for a baby naming book?”

“You could have!”

“But I didn't-”

Eventually, after showing him your room and the various aspects of your new life that you adored (yes, the tub too), you headed back down to the bar, only to see Daniel, one of Johnny’s friends, behind the bar serving himself.

“Daniel, I'm going to kill you, how many drinks have you had?” you said, rushing over to him, snatching both the glass and bottle from his hand.

“One-” you gave him a look, he caved quickly with a sigh, “five.”

“Goddamnit.”

“‘M sorry, you are closed, your never closed!”

“I wouldn't be serving drinks this early anyways!”

He laughed, walking around to the other side of the bar, “I'm special though right? Won't get shot or banned or nothing?” he practically pleaded, but formed it like a question.

“No, you're not banned, but you still need to leave.”

He sighed, dragging himself out the door.

Sighing yourself, you turned to Arthur, “See what I have to deal with?”

“‘Seems like a handful.”

“Daniel is harmless, he's just an alcoholic.”

“Never met a harmless alcoholic.”

“He's harmless now, he doesn't want to risk almost getting shot again.”

Arthur laughed, sitting at the bar, just like had yesterday, “Who shot at him?”

You stared at him for a moment.

“You?”

“I gave him plenty of warning, see that hole in the wall that there—” you pointed to the very back wall of the tavern, between two tables was a loosely patched hole, “- warning shot, missed him by an inch.”

“Who the hell taught you how to shoot?”

“I taught myself, maybe I could teach you sometime.”

“Very funny, y/n, I wouldn't mind seeing you shoot sometime though.”

“There's a range in the next town, I could take you there sometime.”

The two of you talked until the sun had fully set and the town had gone quiet. The bar made you feel more open somehow, it always did. Arthur helped too, you guess. You missed him, you missed being like this, so normal with him. You were surprised his quickly things settled back in place, like neither of you had ever left. It was clear that you were different, but Arthur seemed to accept this change flawlessly. He never messed up, seemingly having ingrained every aspect of your new life into his mind.

Y/n, Mr.Y/n, Sir, he even called you handsome, you swear you nearly fell over when he did.

By midnight, you both were tired, and despite what he planned before, which was bringing you- if it was you, back to camp with him. But that plan never fell through, you ended up pulling him into the bathroom with you. You thought you'd be uncomfortable at first, but you figured if he was going to be back in your life you should get used to him seeing you naked again. But it wasn't, it was calm, comforting. You were thankful for your massive bath, the both of you fit well, you sat behind him, his hat tossed in on top of the heap of clothes you two had left, you ran your fingers through his hair, water from your hands running down his face. He hummed in contempt. He didn't speak much at first, simply enjoying you and your presence. It wasn't until the water had begun to cool and the cold air of the Nevada night started to seep in did he pressed himself closer to you, muttering something quietly.

It wasn't until you got out, long after the water cooled, we're you able to figure out what he was saying. You had some clothes you figured might fit Arthur, something you'd bought impulsively without actually checking to see if you could fit it.

“You have…nice arms-” he muttered.

You were pulling your pants up over your waist when he spoke, you turned to look at him, one hand holding your unbuttoned pants up, you asked, “Arthur, are you drunk?”

“No, no I'm just…real tired.”

“Didn't get much sleep?”

“I didn't sleep, I kept thinking of you.”

“When was the last time you slept?”

He groaned, “Tuesday, I was on watch Wednesday, I was pre occupied by your ass on Thursday, and now here we are.”

“Fucking Christ, go to sleep.”

“I want to look at you, I missed you-”

“I'll be here in the morning Arthur.”

He didn't respond for a long moment, you figured he dozed off finally, until you decided to switch shirts, shoving the one you had on into your drawer and pulling out another.

“You have a nice back too-”

“Good night, Arthur.”

Your night ended with you curling up around Arthur, your arms nearly wrapped completely around him. You didn't dream again tonight, your usual fantasies of seeing Arthur were deemed useless now and we're thrown out with the rest of today's mental trash.

[b4tasquad]

can you write a pov with Aj forgetting your birthday and then making up for it?

BIRTHDAY: AJ SHABEEL

Authors note: finally something for my boy Aj.. I can’t believe I haven’t written something properly for him…. So disgusting of me honestly😒😒 but here it is. Also it’s more of a sad one because I feel like I only write happy things🤷‍♀️

Warnings: mention of shitty parenting, reader being emotional, Aj shabeel being overly sweet

…

A feeling of deep hurt had permanently taken refuge in the pit of your stomach. Your mind was working on memory, as you went about your day, as if it was just like any other. Every few seconds, a notification sound would pop up on your phone, causing you to snap your head in the device’s direction, hoping with everything in you that it was him.

But no. Every single time, the same sound of sheer sorrow left your lips as you tried shaking away the disappointment of being forgotten. It wasn’t unusual really. All your life you had become accustomed to being insignificant, in your household, during your years at school, and even amongst some of your friends. Your restricted personality alongside anxious habits you’d caught, making it easy for people to just disregard you.

Aj had never made you feel like a background character, someone who simply existed to feed into someone else’s needs. He always made you feel like the brightest star, and the sole attention in any room you stepped in. Through Aj Shabeel, you had learned to not settle for only being in the corners, but daring to step into the center at times too.

It was funny how the person that had made you feel the most special was also the reason you carried yourself with such indifference on your birthday. For the 2 birthdays of yours the two of you had been friends, he had been the first to congratulate and treat you, but the year you’re finally his? He completely ignores you as if he couldn’t care less about this unimportant day.

You felt stupid for how you had spent your early hours of the morning, expecting something, anything, to come from him. During your breakfast, you made sure to check, double-check, and even triple-check for a new message, but there was nothing. Radio silence. As you moved from the morning into work, there was no time for you to even be on your phone. You could vividly remember feeling awful as you did your work on the computer, hand itching to reply to a call or even a message you knew would be there.

When lunch had finally approached, you had turned down a lunch offer from your friends as they were in a rush, and you were sure you’d have to call Aj to thank him. How stupid you felt, checking every app for anything. In a last attempt, you had even opened Instagram, an app you never even communicated on, only to come to the same two conclusions.

He had either not woken up or forgotten. How you hoped it was the former.

But doubt turned into confirmation once you saw him post on Instagram hours later. He had even texted you after your shift, simply informing you he’d come over to yours after he was done with work. But there was no mention of your birthday, and now you were completely sure your boyfriend had missed it.

Even in your angry state, you could never have it in your heart to believe he just didn’t care enough to mention it. That wasn’t like him.

Usually, you would be ecstatic to know your boyfriend was coming over straight after work, that meant him telling you about everything he did which was something that fascinated your mind. His lifestyle and work were something that you’d always loved, Aj creativity and passion for it fuelling your interest. But now, you walked home with such dread, shoulders slumped in defeat.

You knew you should’ve made the best out of your day even without Aj, but it was just so hard to look past the fact that the most important person in your life had just neglected you like that and continue with your day. Your closest friends had gratulated you and you answered with the same faux tone of happiness. Even Aj’s family members, those you had met because of him, sent you countless nice messages.

Currently, you were just moping around, watching a rerun of a romantic movie that played on your tv every night. A bowl of popcorn was laid in your lap and you occasionally threw one in your mouth. It didn’t matter how many times you watched this movie, every time you were left flabbergasted at the plot twist. It was just that dramatic.

A notification sound on your phone interrupted your little movie night, and you hated yourself for how quickly you grabbed it, thinking it was Aj.

Anna:

What you doing tonight?

You knew where this was going, and a part of you wanted to lie your way out of the obvious plans about to be made. Another part of you felt bad though, here your best friend was, trying to show you how loved you were on your birthday and you were just gonna lie your way out.

You:

Nothing much, why?

It doesn’t take more than 20 seconds from when your message is sent for your best friend to reply.

Anna:

I’ll be at yours in 30, get ready!

And there wasn’t much you could do after that. In just an hour you found yourself seated at a fancy restaurant, Anna sat across from you. You had came with a slightly dampened mood, ready to not enjoy the evening and go home still feeling down. But that was not the case. There was just something so beautiful about Anna that made everyone around her smile. From the way she laughed to the way she talked, Anna had everything it took to get a laugh out of you.

There was the occasional glance at the phone, but other than that you spent 2 nice hours chatting away with Anna as you ate the luxurious food. You were extremely thankful for her and made sure to thank her extra on the ride home.

“I’m your best friend. Now stop thanking me!”

Opening the door to your flat, you had been ready to take off your makeup and outfit and just spend a lazy night in bed. It was 10 pm on a Friday, and as a woman in her early twenties, this should not have been what you were doing. The door closes with a thud behind you as you’re too eager to throw off your heels, but a set of other shoes alongside yours catches your attention.

“Why are you dressed up?” Aj asks from the doorway, his voice simply curious. You don’t even spare him a glance as you finally get rid of your shoes and shrug the jacket off. At the rejection, Aj looks at you weirdly, noticing how off you seemed. As you try to walk past him, he stops you by stepping in front of you.”

“Babe, what’s wrong?” A part of you breaks at the fact that he genuinely didn’t even know. Your boyfriend is confused, eyebrows furrowed until you look at him with disappointment and suddenly it’s everything he can think about. By his eyes widening, you can tell he finally remembers.

Scoffing, you just step away from both him and the conversation, feeling as if you might’ve cried if you stood in front of him any longer. As a child, your parents had made it a regular thing to forget about your birthdays. Claiming they didn’t forget, but simply planned something good. Being the gullible kid you were, you always believed them, waiting for that big surprise. It was finally after your 10th birthday you realized it was their fucked up way of trying to make their nagging child shut up. There was no such thing as a ‘big surprise’.

Fair to say you never asked, but just took the love you got on rare occasions.

As Aj walked behind you to the bedroom, muttering apologies and excuses, you felt like a child again, hearing the same words from your parents. Seeing how you were making your way to the connected bathroom, Aj took hold of you, afraid you’d lock yourself in there and refuse to talk to him. You’d never do that, but he was stressing and thinking of every possible outcome.

You don’t pull away from his hold on you as he sits you down on your bed. He’s stood over you, hands on his hips as he tries to think of a way to make it sound less… wrong?

“Y/n, I genuinely don’t even know how it managed to slip my mind. I just woke up late and was rushing to get to the studio to film, and it ran later than I thought. It’s no excuse because I’m your boyfriend, and I shouldn’t prioritize work over something so important like your birthday- oh my fucking God, I can’t believe I forgot your birthday.” Rambling was one thing Aj did once nervous. He had done it when the two of you knew each other as friends and continued to do so far into your romantic relationship. Usually, you found it cute, but right now you didn’t have words to describe it.

His genuineness softened the pain and by the way his eyes lightened up, you could tell he saw the change in your behavior. Even with the slight empathy for his situation, there was still a feeling of neglect that you couldn’t shake off. You don’t know when, but somewhere during the speech, tears you’d kept in all day, quietly started to slip down your cheeks.

When your boyfriend notices, his voice wavers, truly seeing how much he had messed with your whole mood. Aj was the petty type, one to stay mad and drag things out for far too long. You were a clear contrast from him with your forgiving tendencies, and not being able to hold a grudge.

The fact that you were sitting on the edge of your bed, crying your eyes out on your birthday said something about how much you had been hurt. “Baby, no please don’t cry.” Aj pleads with you, but you’re far too gone to stop crying. When your sniffling gets louder, he crouches in between your legs, pulling your hands away from your face.

You don’t fight his grip but simply gaze at him. Aj kisses the palm of your hand in his hold, holding it against his cheek in a way of showing affection. “I’m so sorry, please don’t cry.” He wipes at your eyes. “ I love you so much, I’m sorry for being such a shit boyfriend. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me, genuinely, I don’t know what I would do without you. Please just don’t cry.”

Too deep in your feeling, you don’t think twice about wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s shoulder, needing comfort even if he was the one to hurt you, to begin with. Being an over-sensitive person, you weren’t always too in touch with your emotions. They sometimes got too much to bear on your own, and therefore you found it easier to process them with the help of Aj.

With just a comforting touch or a few reassuring words from him, you always managed to feel better. And right now, as funny as it sounded, Aj was the only one you wanted to comfort you.

“I felt so alone.”

Your words are like daggers being thrown into his heart, twisting and digging an even bigger wound in his already vulnerable state. He knew he had no right to feel gutted like he was feeling now, but hearing your broken whispers and knowing he was the cause of your defeated words was a hard pill to swallow.

“You’re not alone.” Aj takes a seat beside you on the edge of the bed his hold on your hands never faltering. In a futile attempt to show you the reality of his words, he opens his arms. You fall into his hold holding him as close to you as you possibly can.

The warmth he supplies you is a unique thing you’ve only felt in the arms of your boyfriend and you can’t help but snuggle closer to get more of it.

Aj wipes your tears, holding your cheek to make you look at him. A faint smile appears on your lips as you hold eye contact. The faint feeling of hurt is still present, and there’s no way you’re just letting it go. But all you want to spend the last moments of your birthday doing is be in his hold. In his protection. With a soft peck to your slightly tear-coated lips, Aj speaks. “Happy birthday, beautiful.”

[autumnwhistles]

To those who don't know – I'm currently writing a Last Life musical (first song here!). This is an excerpt from Song 2 (Corners of the World), which establishes the world, some alliances, and Martyn's worldview, as he's the central figure of this. Some lyrics will be below.

As said, more audition info will be coming later this week (I just need to iron a few things out in terms of describing the atmosphere for the soloist's songs), along with the audition form. In the meantime, here's an excerpt of Song 2 (up to the first half of the first chorus), played back on NotePerformer. This song is mainly sung by Martyn – Lizzie, Bdubs, Etho, Joel, Scott and Pearl do show up later, but in the parts you hear they haven't yet.

This is the second main atmosphere I'm going for for songs – more dramatic, important, server-wide or Watcher-related events will be more in the style of Middle of Nowhere (the first, posted, song), but while exploring and delving into the players' lives this will be more prevalent (the exceptions to this are some members of Team BEST, mainly Tango but to some extent Bdubs, whose songs can be more jazzy). I headcanon the state of development of the Last Life world as late medieval, so with the music here (especially the intro) I've tried to evoke a similar atmosphere to the background soundtrack of a typical 'peasant' village.

As said, I don't have the full lyrics yet but here's verse 2 and the chorus (the second half which isn't included in the extract because it's not orchestrated yet):

Walls, corners, edges, I’ve been this way before. You’ll be cornered in the corners, and on edge in many more; And walls you’ll build and walls you’ll raise and walls will fall in war, And in the end, it’ll be a void you’re fighting for. So corner to corner, I’ll keep wandering on, Border to border, through woods, through caves, through spawn, The seasons shift and the people change, there’s night for every dawn Don’t place your faith in fleeting snows*, and keep on wandering (wandering, wandering) on.

(And yep a lot of this – namely title and the second verse – was inspired by Martyn's speech to Ren after he beheaded him in 3rd Life ("You took me in when I was a lowly traveller, going across the lands, searching the four corners of this world. I learned there was nothing in this world for me. Nothing but walls, corners, edges. But you know what, you showed me life. As much as I've taken it from you, you gave it back to me in bucketsfulls") hehehe... except now it's back to being Walls Corners and Edges again because of 3rd Life turning out the way it did and them starting anew (and also 'Ren's death made c!Martyn permanently more selfish' my beloved).)

*I may change this if it's too on the nose/sounds too unnatural, but that's how it is for now.

[generalhumancloudalmond]

Hello! Thank you for your request. The work turned out to be surprisingly big, so I divided it into two parts. And I really hope you don't mind.

...

Part 2: Freedom

Four walls

Platonic!Yandere!Decay of angels x Child!Male!Reader

You never told your father that you knew about the coffin in which the great and terrible Bram Stoker lay. As a child you tried to keep your distance with the vampire and even tried to forget this unplanned meeting, but curiosity and loneliness brought you to him again and again. So, these meetings became almost permanent, as soon as Fukuchi left on a missions, you rushed to the basement with burning eyes.

"Silly child..."

You're a teenager now, but Bram kept calling you that. You guess you'll always be a silly child compared to him. However, Stoker was right, you were probably too silly and naive for your age.

"You live within four walls and aren't interested in what is beyond them..."

"I can't go outside, you know that yourself, or maybe you forgot..."

"You're being chased by a dangerous ability user, I remember, but isn't that too convenient an excuse, and shouldn't you have been found in that case. You live in one place and never move..."

Bram's words made sense, even though he was yawning and with his whole appearance, showing how bored he was with talking about such primitive things with you. But he didn't take his eyes off you. Recently, he has been calling you to run away more and more often. The vampire understood that there were too many holes in this situation and the story of the dangerous ability user, and most likely you are a tool just like him. But unlike him, you had legs and the opportunity to try to leave.

"Silly child, listen..."

"Damn it! Father is coming back today! Sorry, Bram..."

Without wasting a second, you hurriedly began to close the coffin. Bram only sighed.

"Until the next mission. Good night, Bram."

"Good night... Y/n..."

Closing his eyes and falling back into an instant sleep, the vampire began to hope for your soon new meeting. Lately, he had been hoping more and more often that it would happen...

Two hours later, Fukuchi returned, he spoke loudly and confidently enough, but you could see that something was wrong. Fukuchi... No, your foster father was obviously upset about something.

"Y/n, I know you're still underage, but it would be a great honor for me to have at least a glass good alcohol with you this evening."

Not to say that this proposal caught you by surprise. After all, he has repeatedly told you about his intention to get you drunk closer to adulthood. You didn't refuse, even though it was still far from evening.

"Well, in the meantime, it's still day, I suggest we play a few rounds of cards."

"Father, aren't you going to change your clothes?"

"No, I still have some unresolved mission tonight."

"Then what's the point of drinking this evening?"

"Well this... For my relaxation!"

Seeing your completely unimpressed face and skeptically raised eyebrow, Fukuchi patted you on the head and lifted you up. It was unexpected for both of you. And as a result you both fell.

"Looks like I've clearly become stronger."

"I don't think that if you held me in your arms for two seconds longer in a sober state than in an intoxicated state, then this is a positive indicator of an increase in your strength."

"Ugh... Y/n, don't act like Juono..."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter."

Your day went exactly as you planned. Playing cards, Fukuchi told you stories from the missions. You listened attentively and imagining how you would follow in his footsteps. And during your alcohol test, you even told your desire, but Fukuchi just laughed at that.

"Y/n, you are my only son and I tried to give you everything I could. And believe me, you're already doing your job and follow my footsteps."

"Me?"

The leader of hunting dogs gulped down the remaining alcohol in the bottle and laughed out loud. How will he even go on a mission in this state? In any case, seeing that your dad started to get drunk, you left the table and went to get ready for bed, leaving him alone...

Fukuchi came into your room when you were already peacefully snoring. He smelled strongly of alcohol and he had to hurry, but he came up to you anyway. He sat down on the very edge of the bed and, clenching his jaw with all his might, still gently hugged you, mourning you.

"Forgive me, Y/n, I hope that when you get to a better world you will be able to understand me. After all, in order to build a better world without wars and violence, I will have to get my hands dirty even in your blood..."

For several years, the agency has been holding and mocking the child of important politicians, in order to then publicly kill you for the sake of general panic and terror, burning down the dilapidated house in which you were being held...

This is what is roughly written on the torn page of the book, and what should have been fulfilled...

However, that day, the devil himself prayed for your life.

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Okay so yesterday I binged a bunch of movies that were free on YT, including Kung Fu Pandas 1 and 2 (3 wasn't free so I didn't go looking for it) and I just gotta talk about something interesting, being

Tai Lung wasn't actually a villain?

He was an antagonist sure, but he didn't actually do anything particularly evil.

Walk with me.

So, from what we see in the movie, Tai Lung's first ever act of violence or aggression in about 18, maybe 20 years is the attack on the Valley. Sure, he decapitated a few training dummies leading up to this but yknow so does every member of the Five, so...

What's interesting about this is two things. One, we don't know if he actually killed anybody. We see him chasing people, and properties are on fire, but we don't know if he took any lives. In fact, throughout the entire movie, we don't see him kill anyone. I even looked it up to check and everybody seems to be in concensus that he didn't kill anybody.

And two. Oogway takes Tai Lung down in one move. A four-point nerve strike.

This is interesting because not only did he send Shifu first (to fight his own son no less) but he also waited up in the Jade Palace for Tai Lung to come to them instead of going down and doing that in order to save the people from his rampage. All to protect an empty scroll that Oogway knows is empty because he made it!

After this, Tai lung is locked in the prison. Made especially for him. He sits, on his knees, in a pit. Above him are giant crossbows, archers, and stalactites with bombs attached specifically to crush him to death if perceived necessary.

Pinning him down are chains. The cuffs of these chains are explicitly stated in the second movie to tighten the more the prisoner moves, and at the end of these chains are large boulders weighing him down to the floor.

He also wears a custom-made turtle shell with jade dragon head pins to suppress his chi, cause I guess Oogway's got a mean sense of humor. On top of all this, he is also shown to experience abuse from the guards, as we see one intentionally step in Tai Lung's tail and mock him.

When Tai Lung escapes the prison, he noticeably doesn't kill or even go out of his way or even in his way to kill anybody. We see him given the opportunity to kill and he uses it to just punch a guard back and continue to flee. All of the destruction is caused by the guards trying to prevent his escape. The only particularly violent thing we see him do is throw the bombs at the army of guards to get past them, and they may look dead for dramatic effect but they are actually noticeably alive, we even hear one or two groan.

And on top of all of this, there's on thing that really bothers me. The Wuxi finger hold. We first see it used by Shifu, and then later by Po, after Tai Lung tries to paralyze him out of anger. It is quite safe to assume that Oogway knew this hold (and might've used it to defeat Kai?). Knowing this, why the fuck didn't Oogway use it on Tai Lung when he defeated him??

They are preparing for the Dragon Warrior to very specifically "put a final end to Tai Lung" and I just don't understand why Oogway didn't do it then and there when he used the nerve attack.

There he has Tai Lung, unconscious (or at least immobile) on the floor. Instead of using that moment to take him out permanently, he puts him into a very inhumane, quite torturous prison for about 20 years while he has Shifu train a bunch of guys to kill him only after he breaks out and causes some more chaos.

Moral of the story: Oogway what the fuck.

[meowza315]

i am OBSESSEDDDDD with your avatar au is there any way you can give us more hcs?? (idgaf if its a dangerous question ill listen for hours bbg)

WOAH THERE alrighty

of course I can give more headcanons / canon info!!! I love rambling about the AU :) I don’t have many headcanons since I can just.. make them canon to the story 💀💀💀

We can start off with more plot centered stuff (? kinda) and then work into more minor details

- Their first meeting together was similar to Jake and Neytiri’s from the original Avatar movie except they both get attacked by viperwolves and get pretty injured in the process. They both have some permanent scars from it, most noticeably a scar on Will’s left hip/side (same location as in Stranger Things when he’s burnt by Nancy in S2, yk)

- Mike’s training took about 18 months and he failed a lot of the rites of passage the first time, but ended up learning and successfully completing them on the second try (ex: Ikran taming. He was thrown off a Cliff similarly to Lo’ak in the graphic novels)

- Mike ended up falling in love first, about 5 months into training. He got pretty depressed due to it because he fell in love with an alien, another species. So he has this guilt of being a human and using a false body pretty much every day in order to see Will. William ended up falling in love 4 or so months later. (I have a timeline.. I’ll put that as like the last thing on here)

- Will kept pushing back Mike’s Dream Hunt in fear that Mike would be killed in the process (its a really intense rite of passage and Na’vi have a chance of dying during it). But, Mike survived and everybody cheered!!!

- Their first kiss later that night (after his dream hunt) was really emotional for both of them, but more or less Mike (for reasons stated previously)

- They both sleep in hammocks together from time to time

- Will’s songcord has a lock of Mike’s hair and a heart shaped river stone that Mike found for 1: Tsaheylu / the bond they make, and 2: their confession / first kiss. Mike’s has a drop of Will’s blood in amber to represent their bond and a bead that Will carved for their confession

- Will’s ikran is yellow and blue/teal while Mike’s ikran is blue (although I haven’t really given them full designs)

- Mike has scars on his hands from carving gifts for Will

- After tsaheylu they end up getting a lot closer, like they weren’t already. They started getting more comfortable in Home Tree and people noticed.. so rumors spread that they mated (but they didn’t! they just created the bond).

- Will calls Mike a “skxawng” (moron in Na’vi), but Mike hits him back with the “But I’m your skxawng” ☹️

- They have a tendency to go out into the forest to do stuff together and hopefully not get killed by a Thanator while kissing or something idk. that would be a way to go 💀

Long story short the AU is very detailed and there’s too much information for me to fit into one post so ‼️

plus the timeline!!! other questions about the AU are welcome 🔥🔥

[5and3nevermind]

Sorry, I'm lost. I heard that Nervermind's tattoo is from a Nirvana song.

Why would Jimin tattoo Nirvana's nevermind song? He's already mentioned this song as one of his favorites? (I'm new to the fandom, sorry if you've already answered that question).

And my God! how much noise just because of a tattoo, what madness! Why are they so mad about it? LOL

Hi anon! Welcome!

Nirvana’s Nevermind isn’t a song; it’s their second album, which was released in 1991.

Jimin has never talked about his tattoo and what it is referencing, but I am not aware of any evidence to suggest that it has to do with the Nirvana album, nor have I ever heard Jimin talk about that album being special to him. (Of course, it’s possible I missed something. If so, please feel free to send it my way.) Anyone stating definitively that the tattoo is about the album is speculating (and working really hard to disconnect the tattoo from Yoongi’s song).

Anything is possible, but we have to weigh the evidence we do have regarding the tattoo (and of course all of these things come from official content, meaning Jimin shared this knowingly)…

1. Jimin wore “nevermind” henna during a BTS performance in 2014. If the henna was about the Nirvana album rather than foreshadowing of an upcoming BTS song, why would he do that? Why combine that henna with another henna that said “HYYH” and was absolutely BTS foreshadowing? To me, it seems more likely that the henna is about Yoongi’s song than about the Nirvana album, in this context. ☑️

2. Less than a year later, in Nov 2015, Intro: Never Mind was released. In the book Beyond the Story (2022), the song was discussed and Yoongi stated that it was very specific to his motorcycle accident in which he injured his shoulder years ago.

3. Jimin got a tattoo in late 2018 that looked almost exactly like the 2014 henna, to the point that many fans at first assumed it was henna again. However, as time went by, it became clear that Jimin had gotten a permanent tattoo. So, we can assume that the meaning of “nevermind” in 2018 was the same as it was in 2014, right? A new meaning would likely lead to a new look/style of tattoo. If it was unlikely for Jimin to reference the Nirvana album in 2014, it would still be unlikely later. ☑️

4. Jimin has mentioned his preference for Intro: Never Mind. He has also said it’s the one song that most reminds him of Yoongi. ☑️

5. When Yoongi discussed writing Intro: Never Mind at Festa 2021, Jimin smiled and pointed to his tattoo. This indicates to me a connection between the tattoo and the song. ☑️

6. In the SMF pt 2 music video, Jimin wore a shirt with a cut-out/hole strategically placed so that his tattoo was visible. SMF pt 2 was titled in such a way because Yoongi had released a song called Set Me Free in 2020. So, we have the tattoo that’s the title of Yoongi’s 2015 song in a music video named after Yoongi’s 2020 song? Imagine the coincidence if the tattoo was about the Nirvana album instead. What would the odds be of that? Astronomical, I’d say. ☑️

7. In the SGMB music video, released just a few months ago, we see the Never Mind references continue with the inclusion of a blue butterfly. (A blue butterfly appeared in the HYYH Never Mind comeback trailer, released in 2015). We also see two birth flowers in the music video: one for October (Jimin) and one for March (Yoongi). ☑️

Part of the reason some people get so upset about a tattoo is because deep down they know the significance of this. There are some people in the fandom who can’t even admit that Jimin and Yoongi are close, that they’re friends. So, Jimin holding a special place in his heart for Yoongi’s song—which he wrote, produced, and performed—is contradictory to their beliefs.

[thispatternismine]

ATLA live action impressions part 2

Following on from last night's post, here are my impressions of eps 5-8

Still really loved it. Gonna be tarred & feathered for this but I actually like it better than the animated show

Highlights:

Ozai giving Zuko credit for finding the Avatar. There's this weird idea in the fandom that Ozai never intended to take Zuko back. Even though we saw him do exactly that at the beginning of Book 3. Yes he set an impossible task, but when Zuko (apparently) achieved it, he was like 'ok yeah cool - you have met my standards'. Sure, there's no way Zuko would have continued to meet those standards if he'd stuck around, but Ozai did actually keep his word. The fact that he does it to make sure Azula knows she's overstepped & remind her she's replaceable, is an especially nice touch

Getting to see how Azula is treated by her father. I've seen way too many people try to claim Azula was never abused because she wasn't literally set on fire like he was. Never mind that she avoided that fate only because she was able to meet his standards. And having to constantly strive to meet the standards set by someone who thinks 'find a guy who's been missing for a century' is a suitable task to set his kid is abuse.

Another annoying tendency of the fandom is to flanderise Ozai into some diabolical caricature who spends all his time thinking up new ways to torment poor Zuzu, so having that scene of him banishing Zuko was a nice touch. He genuinely believes he is being a good dad & raising his kid to be strong (note: This isn't me saying Ozai is right - I'm saying he thinks he's right.)

The 41st Division 😭

Iroh & Ozai interacting with each other

Gyatso!

I spy some female soldiers! A problem with the animated show was that it's all well & good deciding that the Fire Nation has female soldiers, but bias is a thing & 99.9% of the time if you ask someone to draw a soldier it'll be a man. Yeah sure they all stayed to guard the Fire Nation that's why we didn't see any till Book 3 suuure

"Anything you need." "It has to do with Koh." "Anything but that." DYING

Aang's whole speech to Zuko about how helpful his notebook was (let's be real Iroh probably sighed & told him it was a waste of time so this was the first time he heard 'Hey good job on the Avatar research!') & the way they bonded before he unwittingly set Zuko off

"Quit it before they think there's something wrong with you. More than there already is."

"The Firelord deems your performance... below average." OOF. Pretty sure that's the worst thing you can possibly say to Azula. She'd much rather be told she sucked outright than just 'meh'

Waterbender Yue

Non-arsehole Hahn

Using Kuruk lore from the Kyoshi books!

I like the changes to the NWT siege. Having the spirits' mortality be an occasional, temporary thing to gain an appreciation of life that occurs during a full moon when the powers of those who will protect them in that state are at their peak, makes more sense than permanent vulnerability that relies on nobody finding out. Also never made sense that a naval officer was stationed in a fucking desert & was able to just take time off to go through a spirit library, so having Zhao find his info from the Fire Sages works better IMO. I do hope we'll still get the spirit library though

Ozai's lil eyetwitch when Azula backtalked him like if you agree

Haven't mentioned yet but I love the costumes in this

Also never mentioned Momo, the Real Hero of ATLA

Sokka continues to be awesome

Lowlights:

June calling Iroh cute & fawning over him. Normally I'd think it's unfair for the live action version of a character to be held accountable for what the animated version did, but this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like og!Iroh's groping of June being treated like a joke has been called out many times so they fucking had to know what they were doing

Why isn't Azula's fire blue? We got like 1 second of it & that's it. Maybe consistent blue flames are a power up she'll obtain later idk

[airi-p4]

Pretend boyfriend - Chapter 2

Chapter 1 | Ch2 | Ch3 ____________________

Summary:

Chat Noir tells Ladybug in a spaz that he has a boyfriend and asks Luka to pretend and fill in for the role for a double date with her and her boyfriend. The problem is he's trying to make Ladybug jealous… and Luka is caught in the middle of it when he's also the spotted hero's date.

AO3

________________________

Chapter 2: Later, that night...

That night, when things had finally calmed down, Ladybug visited Luka's house. She had heard his music by the back of the ship, so she landed there quietly, sneakily. 

"G-goodnight Luka…"

"Ladybug?"

She nodded. "I wanted to apologize for today… I admit nothing went as I planned. Nothing ever goes as I plan when it involves confessing to boys I like…" She shrugged, laughing awkwardly. "I don't want you to think that I lied to you. I really wanted to talk about strategy before. But then Chat was- well, being Chat- and everything got messed up."

Luka hummed, but said nothing.

"In truth, I wanted to ask you to be a permanent miraculous holder." He gasped at her offer. "Well, only if you want to, of course."

She took the Snake Miraculous out of her yoyo and offered it to him. Eyes open wide, he stared at it, and then at Ladybug, who spoke again.

"I won't insist or pressure you with my feelings, so that won't be a problem. I know too well what it is like to be forced or pressured after my experience with Chat, so I can guarantee that... But I'm afraid I can't speak for him. I'm sorry if he becomes a nuisance for you. I'll understand if you don't want to take this burden." She pointed at the Snake Miraculous with her eyes.

"I'll take it."

"You will?" She beamed.

"Yes, but with one condition."

"Hm? What is it?"

"I want a chance to correct myself," he stated.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

He stood up, approached closer to her and clasped her hand and the Snake Miraculous between his hands, while staring firmly at her eyes. She blushed.

"I want to take back my rejection to your feelings." He smiled softly. 

"Eh!? What?" She jolted. "B-but- didn't you say you were in love with M-Marinette!?"

He chuckled. "Do you really want to play this game, now?" 

He didn't need to say more; his softened expression spoke for him. That's how Ladybug realized it.

"You know…" She gasped.

"Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" He smiled tenderly. "The beautiful hair and eyes, the sweet voice, the lovely freckles that peek under the mask… and the unforgettable melody I could never get tired of…" He rubbed the back of her hand as he talked. Her blush deepened. "What I want to ask you is: did you mean it? Do you feel the same about me? The same I feel about you?" 

"I truly meant it," she said, her heart drumming fast, but convinced. "I love you. I have for a while now…"

He beamed. "Would you ask me again, then? Or shall I do it instead?" He approached, foreheads almost touching.

"I'll do it." She decided. 

Luka separated, leaving her enough space to take a deep breath. Her free hand set on his hand over hers, clasping it with care. She noticed Luka's eyes on hers, but she wasn't nervous. No, Luka always managed to bring calm to her, and she loved that about him. She took a second deep breath before she spoke, looking directly at his expectant, dazzling eyes.

"I love you, Luka. Would you be my boyfriend?" 

"Absolutely. I would love to be your boyfriend." His smile was brighter than ever. "I love you, Marinette."

She beamed at him, relief and shared happiness engulfing her. She removed her hand from Luka's to wipe a happy tear that escaped her. He leaned in and kissed it, on her cheekbone, making her warmer. 

She giggled happily, to his delight. 

"I guess I'm taking this, then," Luka said, finally taking the Snake Miraculous and placing it into his pocket. "I'll be honored to help you keep Paris safe. And my girlfriend, too, of course." He winked and she blushed.

"Girlfriend!" She squeaked. "I think I still need some more time to process it!"

He laughed. 

"Well, at least you can't say you aren't able to confess your feelings to boys anymore. The curse is broken, isn't it?" 

"Well… I don't care. I don't plan to confess my feelings to any other boy ever again so…" She would panic later. "All I want to do from now on is to tell you 'I love you' many many times, so I hope you don't ever get tired of it because I don't plan to stop and-"

It was his turn to blush.

"That makes me very happy…" He cupped her face with his hands and jolted a bit when his face approached, only to rest his forehead on hers. She was happy, but maybe she expected a bit more. She wanted to-

"May I kiss you?" he asked.

"Yes, please!" That's what she secretly wanted. 

He let one of his hands slide down to her shoulder, while the other one remained in place, to steady her for the upcoming contact. She tilted her face up, and he angled his to kiss her properly. Her heart was beating fast as the awaited contact arrived. And it wasn't how she expected it, no- it was better. Because the love she felt in that kiss would never be able to be conveyed with words or even music. Her arms surrounded his neck, pushing closer and deepening the kiss. She didn't want it to end, and he didn't seem to disagree with her. Sweet, loving, passionate- but the need of air, sadly, broke them apart. 

Foreheads touching, wide grins never left their faces as they giggled while panting. She squeaked when Luka bent to hold her closer in a tight hug. She immediately reciprocated it happily. 

"I'm so happy," he whispered in her ear. 

She noticed her face felt flushed. "I'm very happy, too. The happiest." She nuzzled her face between his shoulder and his neck, hugging him even tighter. 

But then, a long minute later, after pulling apart, he reminded her, with a question, that they still had something left to deal with. "What should we do about Chat?"

Right. The damn cat. The cat who couldn't take a NO for an answer and who would keep trying until he succeeded… that cat. 

She sighed.

From previous experience, telling him they were dating wouldn't change a thing. Besides, it could compromise her secret identity. And he knew about Luka's superhero identity, too... 

"I think we should keep it a secret. At least until Hawkmoth is defeated," she said. "Besides, telling him would-"

"-compromise your secret identity, I get it." Gosh- she loved the way he could follow her way of thinking. "I think that's the wisest option, too."

"I'm glad you agree, even if it pains me…" She smiled, bittersweet. "At least we can hang out or even secretly date you as myself, while I can see you whenever you help us with superhero stuff. I can live with that."

"Having more excuses to hang out with my cute girlfriend? I can totally live with that, too." He winked with a teasing smile.

"Lukaaa!!" She blushed. "I'm still not used to it!" 

He chuckled at her cute reaction. "Let's get more and more used to it then?" He caressed her cheek again, his eyes begging her for a permission she happily granted. Their second kiss was as long and as perfect as their first. And their third. And their fourth. And their- they eventually had to stop due to their tardiness, the full moon over the Notre Dame served as a reminder for them of how it was past midnight and they had school tomorrow. 

After a few- "last one," "one more?" "Last one, I promise!" "One more…? Please..?" "I could kiss you forever…" "good night…" they shared a final short goodnight kiss before she eventually, and very reluctantly (the feeling was mutual), left.

Next morning, she was going to find a "good morning" message on her phone from her boyfriend (boyfriend!!), proof and relief enough for her that, to her delight, it hadn't been a dream. Somehow, though, she convinced herself and her boyfriend that she still needed more time (and kisses) to process it properly. He would gladly help with that.

[ambersgems]

Bonded - Epilogue - Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Soulmate AU where you can feel your soulmate's emotions. When you meet, usually their name appears on your wrist.

A/N: Finally here! So sorry this took SO long to get out. I've been kinda drained. Any feedback is appreciated! I also would love requests for anything Dean, Chris Evans characters, or Sebastian Stan characters! It can be blurbs, drabbles, or longer!

Word Count: 2.4K

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

P.S. I know that this is not in line with the timeline of the show, but for the purposes of this fic the boys already have the Bunker. 

8 months later.

Reader POV

Waking up was different now. You woke up every morning with at least one of Dean’s arms wrapped around you and there was usually a leg wrapped around you too. Today was no different. Your eyes opened lazily as you woke up in your usual spot, halfway on top of Dean with one of his arms around your back and his thigh in between the two of yours. Your head was always laid on his chest. You didn’t even know why you had your own pillow on the bed, you never used it. Dean never allowed you to.

His other arm moved up and brushed some hair out of your face, signaling that he was also awake, causing you to lift your head and look up at him. His bright green eyes were wide open, staring down at you with the same adoration he had every morning. 

If Dean was known for not being an early riser, you were notorious for it. You realized he had probably been awake for a little while now, but he didn’t want to wake you, so he had been holding you while you slept. It was things like this that made your heart clench in your chest, in a good way. 

“G’Morning, gorgeous,” you hear him murmur, his voice was husky and deep with sleep, causing your cheeks to burn.

“How long have you been up?” you ask shyly, biting your lip as your eyes slide over his face and down his chest, admiring the freckles that littered his body. They were everywhere and so uniquely him.

“‘Bout an hour, but I didn’t wanna wake you. S’beautiful when you sleep on my chest like this. Reminds me of a little baby, my little baby,” he says, a smile tugging at his lips. His fingertips slide up and down your back, before he leans his head up to give your forehead a kiss.

A smile breaks across your face. Dean was incredibly soft with you. He could be quite harsh with everyone else, but the moment you were in his presence he softened. It shocked the hell out of Sam the first time he had ever seen it. He was gnashing teeth and barking orders, but the second you came up to him, placing your small hand against his chest, he immediately calmed and apologized to you and was saying he hoped he hadn’t scared you. It threw Sam for a loop, but it became something he took note of, now knowing how to reign in his older brother when necessary.

You shake your head and giggle slightly at Dean’s affectionate words and stare, rolling your eyes playfully. “You should have woken me up. You don’t have to just lay here because I’m asleep,” you say sincerely, feeling a little guilty he had been up for so long.

“First of all, I don’t have to do anything. I think I have proved to you that no one makes me do anything I don’t want to do - and you know that I absolutely love spending any time with you alone that I can, even if you are just sleeping on me.” he states plainly, “Second of all, I would never wake up the birthday girl before she’s ready!” he adds with a huge grin spreading across his cheeks, causing the lines beside his eyes to form. You just knew one day those lines were going to become a more permanent feature on his face, and you loved it. It was just another thing that made him Dean.

Before you could protest, Dean was yelling loudly. “Sammy! She’s awake!”

Sam came bursting through the door, balloons in hand as well as a tray full of all of your favorite breakfast foods. 

“Happy Birthday, Y/N/N!” he cheered as he set the tray down on the foot of the bed.

You quickly sat up in the bed, your cheeks heated due to your lack of clothes. The only thing you were wearing was one of Dean’s old Led Zeppelin t-shirts. Thankfully, it fit more like a dress than anything. 

“Thank you so much. You didn’t have to go to all of this trouble,” you smiled at Sam gratefully. You honestly weren’t sure how your birthday was going to go this year. There were still a lot of things left to learn about the Winchesters, but Dean and Sam had already made you feel like you were family.

“Well, I’d love to take the credit, but this was all Dean. Dean always makes the Winchesters’ birthdays special, always made sure mine was special, too, growing up,” he says with a fond smile. 

Your eyes snap open, “You think I’m a Winchester?” you ask in shock, turning slightly to look between the two brothers.

“You think you’re not?” Dean asks, a frown forming on his face.

“Well, I don’t know. It’s not like we’re married or anything. It’s not like we can even get married, with you being wanted by the FBI and all,” you say with a shrug.

“Sweetheart, you’re my soulmate. My bonded soulmate. You are just as a part of this family as Sam or I am. You’re a Winchester as far as we’re concerned. Hell, if you want to change your name, nothing in the world would make me prouder than for you to have my last name. You haven’t been caught with us yet, you could simply change your name with no questions asked,” Dean rambles, his hand reaching out to grasp your own.

“Really?” You ask quietly, your heart racing in your chest, eyes darting back and forth between Dean and Sam, seeing both men nod their heads rapidly.

You leap forward, arms wrapping around Dean’s neck as you kiss his cheek. You giggle as he wraps his arms around you, sliding his hands up and down your back, pulling you to sit in his lap. 

Your giggles stop for a moment as you blink your eyes a couple of times, feeling a bit lightheaded. Dean can feel you getting weak almost instantly. Immediately he snaps into overprotective mode. 

“Y/N? Y/N what’s wrong, talk to me, baby,” he says urgently, concern evident in his voice. 

You shake your head, giving him another laugh. “Dean, calm down. Just got lightheaded for a second there. I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure? I could feel you getting weak,” he says, clearly not taking what you stated as truth. 

“I’m fine. Let’s just eat breakfast. I need coffee!” you say, bouncing in his lap with a smile, feeling his arms wrap tighter around you. You knew he was still feeling protective. You could literally feel the stress from him.

His serious face finally cracks and he lets a smile show, “alright, sweetheart, let’s have breakfast,” he relents. “But just know, my real breakfast starts when Sammy leaves,” he smirks.

“Oh, gross!”

—-----------------------

After breakfast, Dean’s second breakfast, and getting ready for the day (with a lot of Dean distractions in between), you had finally managed to make it to the library to read a bit. 

Ever since Dean had told you about the world that he was a part of, you had become fascinated with everything that had to do with lore. Dean liked to brag on you and say that his girl was a genius, but you knew he was just being silly. You were just hyper observant. Plus, it wasn’t all that hard to read him as your soulmate. 

You quite liked reading up on all of the mythology, though, and you had become very well acquainted with it all in such a short period of time. Sam claimed by the time you were 3 months in with them that you already knew just as much as he did, if not more. Your retention of information astounded both Dean and Sam. 

It still worried you to no end to let Dean go out on hunts. How could it not? Dean was literally one half of your soul, and you had to sit and wait at the bunker while he went to go fight the evil of the world. 

“He’s a lot more cautious now that he’s met you,” rang in your ears. It was one of the first things Sam said to you after you waited at the bunker for him to come home from his first hunt since you had met. Sometimes that rang in your head over and over again. You hoped that it was true. You don’t know how you’d survive without Dean.

You loved the library so much that Dean had a couch put in there especially for you to curl up on. He knew how much you liked to curl up with a blanket while you read, so he wanted you to be as comfortable as possible while you researched leads for one of their cases. Even though Dean had forbade you from ever going out into “the field” for cases, he allowed you to help with the research, so as long as you stayed in the bunker while he worked on a case. 

You curled up to your spot on the couch, pulling your fuzzy blanket up your legs and cracking open your book. Dean was taking his shower, since you denied allowing him to take his with you this morning, otherwise he would likely be sat behind you while you read your book.

You noticed that same lightheaded feeling again, as your eyes scanned over the pages. You shook your head, trying your best to have it go away. Suddenly a wave of nausea hit you, but you remained seated as you tried to steady yourself. You didn’t want to alert Dean. He was already so overprotective of you. You knew he would stress out if he thought you were even remotely sick. 

You could feel the weakness in your body. You really hoped that you weren’t coming down with something. This was the first time you’d actually ever enjoyed your birthday.

You heard the wet slaps of feet hitting the concrete floor coming down the hallway before you saw a soaking wet Dean with a towel loosely hanging on his hips. He rushed towards you on the couch, kneeling down beside you. His hands instinctively made their way to the sides of your face, holding your head up for you.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. I got you. I got you - I’m here, baby,” he whispers, looking into your weak eyes.

You couldn’t explain the way you were feeling. The nausea was overwhelming, and you felt so dizzy you thought you might pass out. At first, you thought it might be the bond, like what happened the first time, but this felt different. It didn’t feel as connected to Dean as before.

Before you could ask Dean what was happening, your eyes rolled into the back of your head and things went black.

—---------------------

Dean’s POV

He was in the middle of his shower, rinsing his hair as he felt it. Something was wrong. He could feel you getting sick, just like he had earlier. Something was off. You were weak this morning, weak right now. He knew you were about to get sick.

Quickly, he jumped out of the shower, grabbing a towel off the rack and wrapping it around his waist before taking off down the hall to the library. He didn’t care that he was soaking wet as he ran to find you. Panic was starting to settle into his veins as he felt you getting weaker.

As soon as he reached you he knelt down in front of you, placing his hands on the sides of your face. He knew he had to help keep your face up, as he could feel the strength leaving your body.

“It’s alright, sweetheart. I got you. I got you - I’m here, baby,” he whispers, looking into your weak eyes, knowing you were about to pass out.

He caught you as you fell, making sure to lay you down gently on the couch. 

“Oh, sweet girl, it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay,” he whispered softly, knowing you couldn’t hear him.

He had started connecting dots over the past couple of days. You were different. You weren’t eating the same. Your sleep was off. He could feel how tired you were. He could feel the exhaustion. Now with the nausea, weakness, and passing out? Dean prided himself on knowing you and this was all coinciding with a date that he would never forget. 

—--------------------

He smiled down at you as he gently brushed your hair from your face, feeling you stir underneath his touch. 

“Are you back with me, sweetheart?” he asks you gently, watching you intently as your eyes slowly open.

“What happened?” he hears you ask him blearily, feeling your fear begin to spark.

His smile widens as his eyes take you in with adoration. 

“You remember second breakfast on Labor Day weekend, baby girl?” he asks with a smirk, pride swelling in his chest.

Your brows furrow, and he chuckles at the sight.

“Yes?” you reply, not understanding why he would reference something at a time like this.

“You also know how we told you you’re part of the Winchester family? And you ought to go and change your name?” he asks, smirking again at your confusion.

“Yes?” you respond again, still swimming in unknown thoughts.

“Well, sweetheart, we’re expanding that family by one more now, and you damn sure better be giving them our last name,” he grins, his smile crinkling at his eyes.

He could feel the love swelling in your chest and see both the shock and excitement on your face. He could hardly contain his own.

“You’re serious? We- we’re having a baby?” you ask, tears filling your eyes.

“Yes, we’re having a baby, baby!” he replies, placing a hand on your lower stomach. 

“We can go to change my name tomorrow,” you grin.

“I think it’s very fitting that we found out today, actually,” he says, his hand gently rubbing your stomach.

“Today, you’ve reached the Age of Choice. You’ve chosen to be with me, and now we’ve found out that the two of us have created the ultimate bond. A baby. One soul, that is quite literally half you and half me,” he announces, tears beginning to fill his own eyes. 

Your eyes light up as you place your hand on top of his, smiling as you say,

“Bonded. Forever.”

Tagged by Request: @imaginedreamwrite @suckitands33 @chase-porter @hobby27 @sarahgracej @deansbxtchboy @globetrotter28 @lindalouh

[ghostwav64]

I’ll always share my Spotify wrapped because I think it’s neat as hell to see what everyone listened to this year. I didn’t get L to the OG to the top like I wanted, my commitment to the bit waned unfortunately.

2023 my music listening habits were very different than they normally are, I spent less time keeping up with new releases and wayyy more time exploring artists and genres that I previously hadn’t really listened to.

That being said there were still a few projects from this year that I really loved that I figured I’d take the time to write a little about now.

5. Actual Life 3 Piano EP (January 1-September 9,2022)- Fred again..

Really inspiring EP for me, it’s a quiet reflective audio journal featuring some ambient sounds, some really cool samples, and some pretty piano playing throughout it’s a lot more lowkey than his album last year but I really enjoy that.

Favorite track: Nathan (Varner Road)

4. Quaranta by Danny Brown.

While I really enjoyed Danny’s work with JPEGMafia this year, I ultimately prefer this solo release from him this year. It’s a follow up to his album XXX, on that album Danny was a 30 year old struggling to make it as a rapper, now a decade later he’s obtained the success he once wanted so badly and he finds himself reflecting on where he was and where he is now. While financially Danny is better off than he was a decade ago,mentally he is still hurting and struggling as much as he was then. It’s a raw and vulnerable album with some excellent production throughout and some of the best verses of Danny’s career in my opinion.

Favorite Track: Down Wit It

3. Census Designated by Jane Remover

On Census Designated Jane Remover moves away from the hyperpop and digicore influences of her last album and leans more into rock and shoegaze, although there a certainly still a ton of fun little glitchy and stuttering effects throughout. If you like Ethel Cain I’d highly recommend this album.

Favorite Track: Cage Girl/ Camgirl

2. Wallsocket by underscores

A really wonderful pop rock concept album filled to the brim with infectious hooks, creative sampling and a lot of fun vocal manipulation throughout. There are no skips on this thing, every song is bursting with this really great creative energy. There are only few songs that I fell in love with this year more than You don’t know who I am.

Favorite track: You don’t know who I am.

1. 10,000 gecs by 100 gecs

The second I hit play on this album and I heard the THX logo sound followed by gunshots and the sick main riff on Dumbest Girl Alive, I knew this was going to be my favorite album of the year.

Here the gecs expand on their sound from the first album, refining it and fine tuning it, while still maintaining the playful energy that made the first album so exciting. Every song on the album has at least one or two lines that have permanently burrowed their way into my brain like the best ear worms do.

This album really flexes the duos skills at genre blending as they take from nu-metal, rap, pop, rock and ska and fuse them all into this wild album. It’s an unpredictable and fun listen one second they’ll be singing about struggling to make it in Hollywood, and little later you’ll get a song about having a tooth removed.

There’s a playful rebelliousness to all of their songs that I just can’t get enough of.

Favorite track: Dumbest Girl Alive (duh it’s my most listened to song this year) but I also wanna shoutout Most Wanted Person in The United States, that song fucking rules.

What’d you like this year?

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy Re-watch: S2E7 (part 2)

Lie to me

A vampire stealing a book? And one of Giles' at that. Nothing good will come of this.

Dru talking to a dead bird because she wants it to sing for her. Yeah, you're supposed to feed your pets, if you can't then get someone to do it for you. But it really just adds to her insanity.

Spike is jealous of Angel. We will understand later why because of the second half of this season and in the season 5 episode 'Destiny'.

Spike is very loving and gentle towards Dru. He might be harsh with her at times, but after seeing how he upset Dru, he immediately apologises and wanted to to make her feel better.

Then Ford shows up out of nowhere. You just can't get the staff these days Spike. Probably because you don't pay them.

Ford has seen too many movies. Cool it dude.

Politeness is always a win, even from Angel.

It is for Buffy to decide if she loves you and trusts you, Angel. You can't make the decision for her, that's not how relationships work. She needs to know the truth about Dru as she is just as much of a threat as Spike is.

Angel, back in his most evil days tormented Dru, stalked her, killed the people around her, her family, then after escaping to a convent and taking her vows, he turned her. He turned her insane. Because before she was turned and Angel began his campaign of terror against her, she was a normal person, and he destroyed her, for fun. Because he could. That is completely fucked up. And Drusilla is probably not the first person he has done this sort of thing to, she is just the one he kept along side him.

Do the people in the club just hang out there all the time? Do they not have homes, jobs, lives to go to?

Buffy works it out fairly quickly when she arrives in the club.

Ford's plan is a good one, it's just sad he has to offer up his former friend to escape his fate.

The Buffy Wiki page for this episode says that Ford has brain cancer. I understand why he wants to be a vampire. It's better than dying to a terminal disease at a young age that will ravage his body and mind, because there's something that can keep him young and make him immortal. I've seen first hand what cancer can do to someone and it was one of the most difficult periods in my life that I'm still dealing with years later. For Ford, it is better to be undead and live as a demon, which he isn't deluded about, unlike the others in the club. His greatest fear is being permanently dead at 17/18 years old, which is why he is willing to do all of this. He's supposed to have his whole life ahead of him, but that's been taken away from him and it makes him desperate to hold on to the world because he's not done with it.

Buffy, despite being traded to a vampire that wants to kill her, still feels sorry for him and what he having to go through. She can't understand his pain, but still feels for him. Buffy's ability to sympathise and empathise makes her not just a good hero, but a good person.

Oh shit, I forgot to add this point in to the part where it happened. So earlier in the episode Drusilla talks to Angel about being covered in Buffy because he is in love with her, and this is mirrored later in 'Fool for Love' with Spike when they are in South America, when they have the flashback showing how Dru leaves him for the Chaos Demon. My bad for not putting it in the first part for this episode, I had it in my notes around this point when re-watching the episode and forgot to add it to the beginning. Could I edit the first part to include this point, yes. Am I going to? No. Why? Because I show my fumbles and make myself laugh them when I realise it.

Dru in her weakened state is always going to be a liability to Spike's plan.

Even Drusilla looked pissed off at Ford for his audacity to ask for his reward after the cock up that just happened.

'For the body.' Damn that is cold from Buffy.

Again, vampires attending the Toph school of metal bending to get out of the bunker.

Spike was right, he didn't see him living forever.

Growing up sucks and navigating it and the world and your emotions is difficult. It doesn't get much easier as you get older. the best you can do is keep asking for help and to keep trying.

Buffy says the thing again ( the title of the episode, I mean).

Then Giles tells a grieving Buffy a fairy tail to console her.

One last point, this will not be the last time we see 'Chanterelle' our girly vampire wannabe. She appears in the season 3 opener with a new name, Lily, then she appears in Angel after taking Buffy's alias working at a homeless shelter, the same one Gunn goes to on his last day in the final episode of Angel.

That's it for this episode, tomorrow we delve in to Giles' dark history with a second appearance from Ethan Rayne.

[perkwunos]

I’m returning to an article I can remember reading and trying to seriously think through a few years ago—back around 2019. The article is Sandra Rosenthal’s “Continuity, Contingency, and Time: The Divergent Intuitions of Whitehead and Pragmatism,” published in the Transactions of the Charles S. Peirce Society in 1996. In the article, Rosenthal argued that there is “a fundamental chasm” separating what she calls “Whiteheadian and pragmatic process philosophies” (542). This separation derives from “different intuitions of the nature of time” that are then “inextricably intertwined with diverse perceptions of the nature and interrelation of continuity, discreteness, and contingency” (ibid.). This initial article actually incited a reply by Lewis Ford the next year, to which Rosenthal then wrote a reply of her own, and then Chris van Haeften wrote what was essentially a follow-up to those previous discussions in 2001. So from a certain perspective the whole thing was quite productive.

Reading through it now, though, I’m struck by just how poor the level of argument is—but then I’m also not especially surprised. Lately I’ve really been coming to the assessment that the scholarship on Whitehead is, in general, extremely poor. Maybe I’m being harsh, and in general you’re not bound to find that much legitimately good scholarship on any philosophy, especially more marginal philosophers from older time periods.

Rosenthal states, early on in the article, that “the philosophical search for the security of fixity, the fully definite, as well as the a-temporal, has survived surprisingly well in Whitehead's philosophy” (542-543). This is, in fact, true in a rather mundane and obvious way, so that Rosenthal has no warrant for appending “surprisingly” to her sentence. Whitehead always made it clear that his philosophy included both (1) entities that are fully definite and determinate (in many of the distinct ways we could importantly define either of those two terms) and (2) permanent entities, including even entities that are a-temporal (which, again, could apply given at least a couple distinct ways of defining a-temporality).

Whitehead does, after all, include something called “eternal objects” in his category of entities. Or, if we want to turn to one of his more poetic (and thus, on an initial read, more memorable) phrasings, take how, in Process and Reality, he cites these lines from a hymn:

Abide with me; Fast falls the eventide.

He then writes, “Here the first line expresses the permanences, ‘abide,’ ‘me’ and the ‘Being’ addressed; and the second line sets these permanences amid the inescapable flux. Here at length we find formulated the complete problem of meta­physics. Those philosophers who start with the first line have given us the metaphysics of ‘substance’; and those who start with the second line have developed the metaphysics of ‘flux.’ But, in truth, the two lines cannot be tom apart in this way” (209). Later in the book Whitehead will refer back to these lines, and state his point again: “Ideals fashion themselves round these two notions, permanence and flux. In the inescapable flux, there is something that abides; in the overwhelming permanence, there is an element that escapes into flux. Permanence can be snatched only out of flux; and the passing moment can find its adequate intensity only by its submission to permanence. Those who would disjoin the two elements can find no interpretation of patent facts��� (338).

So Rosenthal is not wrong to state that Whitehead retains a place for “fixity, the fully definite, as well as the a-temporal”, no matter her moralizing over it—and it’s a common feature running through this paper that she uses moralizing terms like the “security” above while discussing what are really pretty mundane things. So Rosenthal is also correct in noting that actual occasions, upon coming into existence, “do not change, do not alter while maintaining an identity” (543). Thus there is, as she put it, “a fully fixed, unchanging past” (ibid.). She seems to want this to be somehow shocking to the reader. She later criticizes Whitehead’s philosophy for the way in which “potentiality and actuality are fundamentally isolated, for becoming actual is a process of achieving definiteness, and the moment of attaining full actuality and perishing is at once the attaining of absolute definiteness. There can be no residue of potentiality in the fully actual or it would not be fully actual, fully definite” (552). She characterizes this as actuality and potentiality being “strangely separated from each other” (ibid.). Her characterization again uses moral terminology—“isolated” and “separated”—in the process of characterizing what seems, rather, to be the mundane and common sense position, and perhaps even the semantically tautologous position. A process that may possibly occur many different ways will, when it occurs, occur in just one definite way: it will be actualized, and once it is actualized, there is no longer any potential for it to go any other way: it is now in the past. That's, semantically, the difference between saying it's merely possible but not actual, and saying it's actual. None of this seems, in itself, at all shocking. There surely could be metaphysical premises accepted for one reason or another that contradict this and thus motivate us to not agree with Whitehead, but those are not obvious and the position in itself is certainly not “strange.”

This problem of possibility and actuality is in general treated in a confusing manner by Rosenthal. Take, for example, this passage:

Because of this absolute fixity of the past, Whitehead's system requires eternal objects to account for novelty. For, if the past provided everything for the present, then nothing new could appear; the apparently new would be merely a configuration of the old. Since the past is fixed and final, novelty is possible only by the intervention of something eternal or a-temporal; the future exists as possible in the form of inert, fixed, objective real possibilities. The ingression of eternal objects into events is Whitehead's way of getting contingency from a fixed, fully determinate past that cannot itself adequately allow for contingency and emergence. Every actual occasion introduces novelty into the world by prehending and newly integrating what the past sends to it, and it does this via a "lure" directed to the future through its prehension of eternal objects. (544)

What Rosenthal is discussing is the distinction between forms that may possibly characterize future actual occasions, and the actual characterization of actual occasions by such forms. Thus, in Whitehead’s philosophy, we may assert that it is possible for an actual occasion to be P—with some definite identity to the predicate P—before any such actual occasion characterized by P comes into being. Furthermore, from one occasion to the next, this characteristic P is identifiably that same characteristic. That is to say, the characteristic P is necessarily P—it has a definite identity independent of any realization in spatiotemporal events and thus can’t be said to come into being at some point in spacetime, so that it is eternal (hence, it’s an “eternal object” in Whitehead’s terminology). But the actual characterization of an event as P is itself contingent: it might occur, and it might not.

So, when a new actual occasion comes into being it will be feeling a given actual world, consisting of already satisfied actual occasions that will all have their own characteristics: the past is determinately of one character and not another. You can’t change what’s already happened. The new actual occasion is capable of realizing forms of activity not already actualized in this world, due to the nature of eternal objects described above whereby they have their identity as forms of possible activity independently of any actual activity. This is the basic gist of it, but it formulates the position in a hopefully less confusing manner than Rosenthal’s language (though, to be fair to Rosenthal, Whitehead was himself confusing). She barely really touches on the actual premises to be argued over, one way or another.

But ultimately the worst features of the paper come through with the discussion of Whitehead’s theory of extension. There, Rosenthal does not appropriately distinguish between two entirely separate (though certainly related) aspects of creativity: (1) extension as a feature of the physical prehensions of the actual occasion, and (2) the linear succession of actual occasions through the creative advance (and, similarly, the linear succession of prehensions within phases of the concrescence of one actual occasion). Thus, she argues that time, in Whitehead’s philosophy, “is ultimately understood in terms of discreteness. Time is a result of the succession of actual occasions, and hence though time seems continuous to the observer, it is actually atomic in its development” (543). But the above is certainly not true of time as temporalized extension. She further argues: “Actual occasions, then, are temporal atoms or temporal building blocks, but are not themselves temporal. Each one is an indivisible epoch having no internal temporal phase” (543). Here, however, she is again producing paradox where it is not necessary, by not distinguishing between different senses of time. Whitehead argued that temporal extension is only one feature of the concrescence, whereas Rosenthal was discussing time’s arrow and the fundamental asymmetry of becoming, something not explicable in terms of temporal extension. In the same way that actual occasions relate to each other in an asymmetrical, linear manner, so too do prehensions: this is entirely distinct from extension, which is a characteristic of physical prehensions (i.e., relations between actual occasions).

I won’t bother arguing any further with the text, as I’m well aware that I’m entering the point where basically no one is familiar with what Whitehead’s really doing here—and that’s including Whitehead scholars--so that I'd need to write a lot to really unpack what I'm saying. What I'm most interested in, now, is distinguishing the formal properties of how actual occasions, as atomic unities, aggregate into nexuus, from the formal properties of extension as that characterizes a specific type of relationship said actual occasions enter into. This would be, I believe, the difference between a mereology not reducible to topology (i.e., a mereology where the relation of parthood is not reducible to topological enclosure), and a mereology that is so reducible to topology (i.e., the mereology of Part IV of Process and Reality).

[2tiredgal]

18+ Cult of the Lamb Roleplay! No one under 18 allowed!! Looking for someone to play as Baal, Aym, Narinder (The One Who Waits), Heket, Leshy, Kallamar, Shamura, or possibly an OC. All being cis male! All characters will either be hybrids (human with animal ears, tails, horns if they have them) or a demon (Leshy, Heket, Kallamar, Shamura). If this interests you (you cam be active and do at least 2+ paragraphs in response) message me on my discord 2tiredgal

I have been far too into the game lately and my brain has been spouting off different ideas. This will be an au, your character will be the leader of the cult (most likely the god of it instead of the vessel) while the lamb is their partner / lover and second in command. This won't be smut the entire time, but in the beginning there will be it. The idea is the lamb goes out on a crusade only to end up badly injured and having to cut it short. Cue him coming back in said state this is where we will start. If you wish to play as multiple characters be my guest, I am open to a polyship.

Now the Lamb's name will be Lazarus. His age is unknown, but he looks to be in his twenties. He was the very first follower of yours cult. He was an outcast, he did not have a flock to call his own. This being his situation meant he had to survive all on his own which has left his body battered with many old battle scars, long jagged nasty things littering his entire body. There is three claw marks covering his right eye and side of his face. His eyesight is gone in that eye, but it doesn't hold him back. Lazarus is short and small, but by now it is know his looks are quite deceiving. He reaches to be 5'3 to 5'4. His eyes are a beautiful chocolate brown color, his right one being lighter and milky looking due to it being blind. His skin is a darker tone, I would say it is an espresso tone. His hair is still pure white. It's short, fluffy, and curly. He has the lamb ears that are the same color as his skin tone (they replace human ears) and a pure white fluffy lamb tail at the base of his spine.

Lamb Reference Pic (yes I made it myself)

https://imgur.com/gallery/1jw8YRt

Necklace he is wearing;

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTQOsZTupKRdg-vPQtm_YxQPQVJd8yorCTiBo0AMJJiQpkrciiaYUUQ25l5emDNee-blWDVFIE&usqp=CAc

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From the very beginning of his life, it had not been easy. His parents had been shunned from their flock and casted out, left to suffer and rot. He never knew the reason why. They never spoke of their past to him. They were loving parents either way, and his childhood was decent until they stepped into unknown territory. His parents were killed a few days after. He had only been fifteen years old. This left poor Lazarus to flee with his body littered with horrible wounds. Somehow, he managed to survive all of that. He didn't know how, but he did. When his wounds were healed enough he escaped the territory and kept as far as from it. Now this began his new life, a very lonely and pain filled one. It was only years later he was captured and dragged back to that place. He was to be killed to keep some sort of prophecy from coming true. His arms had been bounded behind his back and he was forced to his knees. His eyes squeezed shut and he awaited for the pain to come. It never did.

There were sounds around him, loud and chilling. Screams came from his capturers, they were yelling to one another about attacking something. Suddenly everything went silent and a chill settled in the air. What the hell had happened? Well, *he* had come. *He* was the enemy of those who had ordered the slaughter of his entire species. That day he had been rescued and given a new life. One that was amazing. He was no longer alone, he now had a permanent home. The dangers of the world seemed so far now since he had joined the other. Though, he never imagined he would ever join a cult but here he was. A few years later and helping run one with the same man that had saved him. The same man he long had fallen in love with and now was in a relationship with. The past Lazarus would find all of this insane and he couldn't blame him.

Now, his duties consisted of many things. One of them was venturing within the enemy's territories. Whether it was rescuing new members for the cult, gathering supplies, or just defeating creatures. He did it all and typically Lazarus never had any trouble. At least until today. He didn't know where or what went wrong, but something did! Multiple creatures surrounded him, fast and strong ones. Intense pain rocked through his body in waves. The pain came from the many injuries scattered across his body. Variety of claw marks, bites wounds, slashes from swords and daggers. He wasn't going to make it home at this rate if stayed put. Cursing, he pulled all the power he could before releasing the freezing curse. Knocking the creatures back a good distance and freezing them temporarily. His free hand shakily reached up, grasping tightly onto the necklace his partner had given him. Calling upon their power he teleported himself back to the base.

His body immediately collapsed onto the platform, causing all eyes to lock onto him. Cries of shock and panicked shouts came from the members of the cult. The last thing he heard was footsteps rushing towards him. Lazarus truly did not know how long it had been before he was rising back to consciousness. The lamb hybrid was no longer outside, he could tell from what he was laying on alone. A soft bed it was which meant he was in his and his partner's private quarters. Grimacing in pain, he forced his eyes to open. He didn't need to look around at all, his lover was right next to the bed. A slightly larger hand gripping his own tightly but gently. Weakly he gave their hand a small squeeze, "Hello, love." He rasped out with a weak smile.