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shadowtraveled · 5 months

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what TMA entities would you assign the dungeon lords, esp mithrun? was discussing this (bc marcille is sooo End) and consulting your Seminal Mithrun Meta when i remembered you also went here!

anon i want you to know i was thinking about this nonstop like two weeks ago oh my god. i’d love to hear your thoughts on this if you’re so inclined 👁‍🗨 (and wheeze thank you i don’t know about seminal but i’m glad it passed peer review)

putting a readmore here for spoilers

to preface this, i understand the fears aren’t really separate and it’s all just fear etc but they function as distinct in the way the demons do and in the sense that they each had to mark jon to come into the world. so. distinctive facets of a unified whole. anyway i have two criteria for assigning someone a tma entity: it has to be something they deeply fear, and it has to be something they choose anyway.

and with that being said, marcille is SO end-aligned in a very gentle and chill way i think fits the end so nicely… her intense fear of death is sort of a fear of loss, which would typically be considered the desolation’s domain, especially when coupled with her aptitude for explosion/fire magic and the part of her arc where she tries to expand the dungeon, but she wasn't choosing destruction or hopelessness in either of those cases—there’s something to be said for the carnage she was willing to leave in her wake, but at the end of the day she was trying to eliminate loss. she's fundamentally incompatible with the desolation because she continually rejects it, and the loss itself doesn't form the core of her fear. the inevitability of death, though, does, and she accepts it when she gives up the dungeon and lets falin go. absolutely the end.

i think thistle is another easy designation. he clings to control to the point it corrupts him, and he creates an environment that forbids death, but his desire is not for control and his fear is not of death or loss—those are delgal's. instead, his fear that he won't be able to measure up to the too-large too-heavy responsibility placed on his shoulders is what drives him, and because we know it drives him, we know that he takes it on anyway. he even brings melini underground. extremely the buried.

laios, meanwhile. is difficult for me to assign. his fears (rejection, ostracism, that he isn't able to connect with people, that he hates people) feel very lonely, and he does withdraw from people a fair amount, but he has connections he does not and would not choose to sever. you could make an argument for the hunt (he's drawn to not only monsters but the concept of the food chain itself and his place on it as a part of the natural world, and he ends the series with the object of his fascination out of his reach), but i don't think there's enough fear there. in laios' case, the lack of strict definition between fears and the idea that they're all just muddled subcategories of a singular thing is actually really helpful, because i think i'm assigning him to the vast. it was said at some point that the vast and the lonely aren't too dissimilar—you won't realize how alone you are without distance, and that sort of mental/emotional distance and disconnect is what has haunted laios his entire life. and i think that's, in part, what makes the cosmic insignificance of seeing yourself as just another part of your environment so comforting to him. his choices... definitely make him cosmically significant lmfao but even though he chooses to be the one to go up against Infinity Itself and its endless hunger and even though he chooses to be king, he fits himself right back into the position of being a single piece of a much larger puzzle. he became lord of the dungeon to become a part of the food chain that would stand a chance to preserve it (via eating the demon's hunger). he's king because there was a gap that needed to be filled. even then, he wants his body to be scattered after death, so that he can be devoured like any other living thing would be. god i love this manga. anyway, tentative but i think the vast is the only thing i can justify at this time. actually, accepting the hunger of the infinite could itself be seen as accepting the vast into himself…….

and finally, mithrun! surprising absolutely nobody given my take on his backstory, i'd give him to the lonely, with the caveat that he does eventually sever his connection to it. prior to becoming lord of a dungeon, we know he thought the worst of people (and again i think this was intentional of him), but we also know he put up a front that was undeniably kind. milsiril says that everyone loved him for the front, but its very existence acted as a barrier between himself and others: milsiril had no idea how miserable he was, and neither did anyone else. he'd already begun choosing isolation, and he chose it ultimately when he became lord of a dungeon, literally cutting himself off from everyone in a pocket dimension where he surrounded himself with facsimiles of people he loved until... they dwindled. and they did, until he was alone again, with only the demon and the unresponsive chimera construction of the person he considered to be the one he loved. after he was eaten, we see themes of emptiness typical of the lonely coupled with his disconnection from his team—in one of the extras it says they don't really know how to approach him, and i think it shows. so in a way, he ends up back where he started: surrounded by people who care about him and who he ostensibly cares about in return, but emotionally alone. as for fear, i think a lot of his are tied up in the concept of insignificance, but that insignificance isn't cosmic—it's personal. that's why watching himself be replaced was so unbearable for him and why the thought of being left unfinished was so horrific.

as an aside, i did also consider the corruption. the idea of leftovers abandoned carries the connotation of rot and i love the concept of 'the rot within you' etc. it gets me every time, and i think there's something to be said about that with regard to the way mithrun views the person he once was. furthermore, the... eating... scene... is framed as sexual and extremely invasive (and, as a result of the combination, is very evocative of disgust) in a way we see most often with the corruption (though imo tma would never see something like this as it toes the line of jonny's "no sexual trauma horror" rule too closely), and we have to remember that for all that it terrified mithrun, he was trying to get it to happen again. but i don't think disgust is enough of a factor for him. most of his disgust is aimed at himself, and while he doesn't shy away from it, he isn't really drawn to it either. rather, i think his dialogue in the extra comic in the complete edition of the adventurer's bible ("there's nothing so kind as a demon. suddenly losing that kind of love opens a hole in your heart[...]") goes a long way in terms of defining what being eaten meant to him. the corruption focuses on a feeling of belonging and community. mithrun wanted to disappear forever knowing that in the last moment he lived he was loved. ultimately, the fear of being abandoned coupled with his attraction to being unknown and eventually entirely gone read as lonely-aligned to me.

anyway i'd LOVE to hear where you're at with this please come chat literally whenever this is the most excited i’ve ever been about anything

#anon #ask #dungeon meshi spoilers #the magnus archives spoilers #tma spoilers #dungeon meshi #marcille donato #thistle #laios touden #mithrun #mithrun got an entire extra paragraph but in my defense this does say 'especially mithrun' and i do play favorites #and the corruption is just fun to talk about

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thefangirlfever · 7 months

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I needed to make a post about this because...well, the title says everything.

First of all I would like to say that I'm feeling a bit anxious sharing my thoughts about this. I don't know if I'm the most qualified to talk about this but it has been bugging me.

I know a lot of people have already discussed the way Miguel, a POC and a latino man out of all people, has been oversexualized to a point that it feels fetishy and a bit concerning sometimes. I think we can all acknowledge this and that already gives us a lot to think about.

But what I think is really interesting is that not only is Miguel an intentional thirst-trap, he is a thirst-trap created mainly by a team of male producers/ writers. From what I read, the people in charge of his character design were men (I want to say that I am by no mean attacking anyone who worked on this movie. They did an amazing job and I am just sharing my thoughts, not saying they are bad people for this choise or anything. Thank you).

And I find this very telling. Because when I first saw this headline, I thought "Oh finally, women have been given the chance to freely thirst over a male character the same way men do." And I think it was a big mistake from me to think this way. (First of all, there are also men and non-binary simping over him). Because, let's be real for one second there, do we really want to thirst over characters the way men do? I have been an anime fan for years and let me tell you, the way a lot of men/ fanboys view female characters is simply gross (I know, I know, not all men). It's also something I noticed in comics and video games. Like, have you seen the outrage when a video game studio wants to propose female characters who do not look like what some p*rn addicts imagines women are?

My point is that Miguel has been created not with the female gaze in mind, but with the male gaze (and it hurts to say this). That's what I got from reading the part of the interview. The emphasis on his butt, the overly masculine, muscular body... Miguel was created not by following what women like in men but by what men imagine that women like in men.

This is also something we can see a lot in various medias over the last years, especially in the romance genre. The way some "desirable" men are depicted do not fit what women seek in a partner but what men imagine women want (ofc every woman has different criteria when it comes to this). I think it's very blatant when you compare medias written by and for women like Shonda Rhimes's shows, Bridgerton, Outlander... and medias written by men. So, in the end, I think that Miguel has been created with that in mind "Let's make a big, tall, dark and broody, muscular matcho man. That's what the female public wants." (ofc it's never as simple as that but you get the idea).

So... does this mean that it's bad to simp/ thirst over this character? Surprisingly I'm going to say no and I even think that it's important that the women in this fandom keep making content around Miguel! Because when we write fanfictions, draw fanarts of him... we are now picturing him with a real female gaze and that's what brings even more complexity and depth to this character.

I have seen so many interpretations of this character since I joined this fandom and a lot of them were really cool/ beautiful, showing just how much people love this character. When you think about it, it's crazy that a character who only got 15 minutes of screen time can have such a strong effect on a fandom, meaning that he is more than just a thirst trap. I genuinely think that the content created by the fans gives this character his humanity back (because, yes, being sexualized to no end deshumanizes a person. Go argue with a wall, thank you very much). I've seen so many tender, soft but also funny depictions of him making him more than just some ass shots on the big screen. And even on the NSFW corner of the fandom, some people out there are really making him more than just this "feral beast" that we have been sold by giving him back his tenderness, his sensuality...

So, yeah, take this headline with care and think what you want of it. Those were just my thoughts. Feel free to disagree, tell me if I got something wrong or just leave your thoughts under this post because I'm genuinely curious of seeing other fan's opinions. I apologize for the mess of this take.

And now I'm going back to sleep.

#miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099 #across the spiderverse #atsv #spiderverse #we need to talk about this #gender critical #female gaze #male gaze #look at me not writing my college essays but writing this

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igglemouse · 2 months

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As sunlight streams through a few kitchen windows on an ordinary Tuesday morning, I find myself in my zone, right in front of a stove and preparing what hopes to be a delectable breakfast.

Today, my craving calls for a special oatmeal creation that only a chef's touch can perfect because I plan to fold in a generous amount of berries and a few swirls of cream, maybe even a sprinkle of cinnamon? Who knows, sometimes when it comes to cooking its more about a feel and a whim to create a symphony of flavors that will get my taste buds dancing and singing.

As for Pascal, he was busy working out. Always working out. That is one dedicated man but that is one of the main reasons I'm attracted to him. I do love a man that has a goal, that has something driving him and Pascal definitely fits that criteria.

After my breakfast and after his workout we meet up on the couch.

"I'm so happy that you've been staying over,” he starts. “You know, you can stay over as long as you like, right?”

"I think you've said that before,” I reply, but I do like hearing him say it again.

"Well, it's true! I don't mind you being over here. There are many pros and I can’t think of any cons but I guess there might be a few.”

"Oh? A few cons, really?" I challenge.

"Nah, just kidding, no cons at all now that I think of it."

"The pros then?"

"The food is always amazing and the company is somehow better than the food."

"And by company you mean?” He gets just a little closer as I ask, close enough that our shoulders brush up against each other and he puts aside his patience and brings me in for a kiss...

And he kissed until somehow some way my clothes were off...

After our little romp I was reminded that I'll be needing clean clothes for the week and for some reason the man doesn't have a washer or dryer. I think he mentioned that he relies on the equipment manager at the stadium or something? For a professional athlete, he sure does live modestly, I’m not sure if financially this is a good or a bad thing but lets go with bad since it leaves me here washing my own clothes in a bucket of water under the hot Oasis Springs sun.

Being filthy rich was never my goal and I don't want to just tie myself to him in the hopes that his next contract will be the thing that makes him wealthy but...it wouldn't be so bad, would it?

At least there would be a washer and dryer.

Right after handling my laundry I receive a text from Irene. She's asking if she can come over to hang out. It is a good idea since I don't have much planned for today, so it would be great to catch up with her and spend some time together.

But that won't be till later as right now is about lunch.

The enticing aroma of tamales drags Pascal from presumably whatever workout he was in the middle of and right into the kitchen. A big goofy grin on his face contradicts the accusatory look of his eyes, directed right at me, or rather, past me and at the stove. "Actually, this is definitely one of the cons."

"Didn't you say earlier that my cooking was a pro,” I say, playfully desperate to defend myself but thankfully my tamales are ready to go to help in my defense.

"Yes, but your cooking will make me fat and slow. I'll be cut from the team in a few months!"

"Pascal! You told me you didn't want salads so-"

"Cut in a year, Frida, think about that..."

I just laugh because no way this guy is going to put on weight with how much time he spends on the treadmill and working out.

Right as I finish my lunch I’m pulled to the door by a gentle knock which I correctly assume is Irene. Seeing her does put a smile on my face and I hurry to wrap her into a hug because I feel like there is an instant connection between us.

Instead of inviting her inside I led her to the side of the house as the weather really was too perfect to stay inside.

Irene was eager to talk about my food or more specifically, the tacos I had for sale.

"I absolutely adored them!" she tells me but I could tell just by the look in her eyes. “Just a very classic taste and texture to them and-”

"Some foods just don’t need much experimentation," I offer because its true. I don’t try to reinvent the wheel with my dishes I simply try to make the car go faster.

"You're right about that you know but I've been trying to spice things up, you know? Fusion tacos, trying to mix things up and create a signature dish."

"Oh, hows that been going? What about that man ummm...your boss?" Remember him, Martin Lucena? He tried to hire me and was very very upset when I told him no?

"Yeaaaa, he's not much for experimentation," she says with a laugh and I think more about my run in with the man just last night. Hard to imagine ever working for him. "But you know, I do it on my own time. One day I'll be on my own, like you are, and having a signature dish or two will help me stand out."

"Hmmm," she has a point there. I could use a signature dish myself. After all, a flying car must be better than one that just goes faster, right?

It was nice to spend more time with Irene but the day grew late and left me with Pascal who was at this time making love to his treadmill once again. I decided to bother him and annoy him a little because why not? He was having none of it though and decided to use the art of telling corny jokes to fend me off.

"Why did the striker bring string to the game?" he asked. I froze in pure fear of what the answer might be, pleading with a look for him to not continue. "He wanted to tie the game!"

I cringe, already throwing in the white flag. "Okay Pascal, I don't-”

"How does a player stay cool during the game?"

"Water?"

"No, they stand near the fans!" He said, jubilant, as if he had scored a championship winning goal.

"Why does-"

"Noope! You enjoy your workout!" I get out of there just in time.

So yeah, I really am enjoying my time over here...

Frida Varela Index ~ Next 5.2

#The Sims #The Sims 4 #ts4 #Sims #Sims 4 #sims legacy #my sims #generation 1 #soot #sims of our time #frida varela #irene tasis #pascal alcocer

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yeehaw6996 · 6 months

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How absolutely kind of Israel to let Palestinians know when their homes are gonna be bombed. Maybe if Israel wasn’t a terrorist state hamas wouldn’t exist. If during the process of “eliminating” Hamas you are bombing and orphaning children you’re creating so many more Hamas members

the victims of october seventh weren’t as lucky. if there’s any terrorist state it’s the ‘state’ of palestine, considering they actually commit acts of terror. walking into cafes with bomb vests, constantly raining rockets onto civilian targets, the like.

israel is the most successful landback movement in history. if you look up the international criteria for ‘indigenous people’, the jewish people fit, and the palestinians don’t. the arabs colonized the area a long time ago and no matter how hard the various colonizers tried, they were unable to remove a jewish presence from the region. israel is a small space. it’s about the size of new jersey. what confuses me is why the ‘palestinians’, a cultural identity that did not emerge until after the ‘67 war, can’t be absorbed into the other arab nations in the region - oh, wait, they antagonized them all by overthrowing two governments (jordanian and lebanese).

the palestinians are the most privileged refugees in the world. they’re also the most entitled. they are the only group to have received generational refugee status. they receive the most aid in the world per capita, much of which is from israel, the people they terrorize. however, i saw a palestinian man on twitter film a video and post it to tiktok complaining about the mre he’d gotten - keep in mind, that’s the food that american service members eat? it’s a higher quality food package than typical disaster relief food?? the fuck??

now they insist the indigenous people move aside? automatically forgive the past century, past milennia, of terror and oppression, just so some overprivileged people who refuse to assimilate anywhere and demand land that doesn’t belong to them can get away with mass rape, terror, and hypocrisy?

let me ask you this - what exactly do you think the gazans would do with an airport?

don’t get me wrong, i’m not jewish. no need to throw slurs or accusations at me. i’m american, not israeli. i came into this conflict with little to no knowledge of the region and, after extensive research, came out a zionist. i leaned left before this. however these days, on this issue specifically, ben shapiro makes more sense than hasan. do you know how much that pisses me off? i hate the right! fuck republicanism in general! why do i have to agree with them? once the left starts making sense again i’ll come back, but it’s been made abundantly clear that leftists want the destruction of the jewish people like every fascist group before them.

regarding making new hamas members - i get where you’re coming from. however you underestimate the effect that a peaceful protest movement could have on the people of israel. these are not awful people, and believing such is antisemitic - and their government listens to them. why do you think they’re bombing gaza instead of extensive ground operations? they don’t want to lose soldiers and deal with their families voting against them. the jewish people can absolutely be convinced into palestinian statehood, you just need to convince them, instead of killing them. what’s the incentive for them to create another enemy state in the region?

do your own research and stop listening to the people around you. look into the jewish religion and their connection to the land. i know it’s easy to get sucked into what others think of an issue, but it’s your responsibility to form opinions for yourself. benny morris has some good books. a concise history of a nation reborn by daniel gordis is also a good one. rise above the hate around you and see the situation for what it is, and don’t shrink your historical knowledge to the past century - learn about the land if you insist on wasting the oxygen necessary for life, why don’t you.

#war in israel #israel palestine conflict #israel #i/p #i/p conflict #i/p war #anti zionisim #zionism #jumblr #landback #republicans #democracy #democrats #hasanabi

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maireadralph · 2 years

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Entrapdak Zine 5 - “Nostalgia” is now open for submissions!!

Did you know this issue will mark two years of this Entrapdak Zine? I’m just as surprised as you!

Right let’s down to business!

The deadline for this issue will be Saturday JULY 1st 2021 at 9AM GMT.

What’s that in your timezone? Go here for a Handy Dandy Countdown -> https://www.timeanddate.com/countdown/wfh?iso=20230701T09&p0=136&msg=Entrapdak+Zine+5+Deadline&font=hand&csz=1

I am flexible on this Deadline so anything that arrives on this date or by my 9am the next day July 2nd is allowed (I’m in the GMT timezone BTW)

I am LESS flexible on the Extension Deadline (see FAQs Section for more information on that)

The Zine will be out mid July the actual date is flexible and dependant on when all the Submissions come in and my own personal work schedule.

So most of this is the same as the last few - really if it ain��t broke don’t fit it! Also a polite reminder I am only one person running this and I am a part time Barista. It may take me a little time to reply to emails/comments especially after the Deadline time (when I have the most amount of work to do on this project) so please be patient with me.

Our basic guidelines are the same as last issue. This is:

A Digital pdf Zine containing content created by the fans for the fans

A 100% Free Zine

Preferred Language is English

SFW content suitable for a Y7-PG13 age range (same as the show’s age rating)

You may notice I run this different to other zines as there is no sign up period, just submit work before the deadline - I’d rather people have more time to work on their pieces

Anyone can submit regardless of age or skill level - this is not a job application - just follow the guidelines and email in your work

Submission can be Fan Writing (poems, fan fiction, character analysis, eassys etc), Fan Art, or even photos of your Entrapdak IRL content (cosplays, fancrafts etc)! You can submit an older work that you have published online previously if you wish - or even update a work you submitted to the last Zine! Just have fun!

Guidelines applicable to all work:

Content Age Rating:

Like the show this Zine will contain content rated Y7 and PG13 rated - so please no swearing

There WILL BE NO NSFW or 18+ content - where possible let’s keep this suitable for all ages please

Sub note on character minimum clothing requirements:

for male presenting characters to be speedos/underpants

for female presenting characters to be a bikini/bra and underpants

if not sure please use the female presenting criteria

Theme:

This issue’s theme if you wish to use it is:

“Nostalgia”

This theme is a suggestion and if you’d rather make an Entrapdak piece without this theme please feel free to do so. I want you to have fun!

Allowed Characters:

As long as both Entrapta and Hordak are the main focus and the piece follows Age Rating it will be allowed.

Other allowed characters in the Entrapdak family include Emily, Imp and the Clones (also known as Spacebats)…yes weirdly this also includes Horde Prime.

Other She-Ra characters will be allowed but Entrapdak is to be the core element.

Phew that’s a lotta text sorry about that - now on to the fun stuff! What sort of stuff is allowed?

Sex Swap AU, Species Swap AU, Furry AU, Toony AU, Anime AU, Fankid AU, Coffee Shop AU, married AU, Spacebat AU, just besties AU just to name the few that pop into my head! Oh yeah Canon Lab Partners Entrapdak too…hehe nearly forgot about that one XD. Make something Entrapdak related that’s PG13 rated and have fun!!

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This includes fan fiction, analysis eassys, poetry or whatever else you’d like to write about. I would ask this content to be between 1k-10k words in length, it’s not a big deal if the writing is over 10k or even if it’s 20k - write whatever your story needs. If you’d like to write Chapters then please do!

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Fan art can include rough sketches, screencap redraws, comics (appox 1-10 pages length), coloured sketches or full colour pieces.

Fan art can be in the digital or traditional medium.

Traditional fan art can either be submitted as a photo or scanned, which ever you prefer.

Preferred sizing for Digital art is as follows, my aim to to have everything on International (UK) A4 paper sizing where possible*

2480px x 3508pm DPI 132

Portrait layout is preferred**

PNG is preferred but I will understand if you only wish to send a workable JPEG

The aspect ratio (width:height) of A4 paper is 1:1.4142 (1:√2)

If you need a template here’s one -> Here’s a prepared A4 Canvas PSD File (2480pm x 3508px 300DPI) if you’d like to download it and use it <- Template

Notes:

*Images outside these sizings are still okay but may end up with a white border on the edges due to the PDF publishing settings.

**Images in the landscape layout will get boarders when posted on a portrait page due to the PDF publishing settings, however if I receive landscape art I will make some extra pages at the end of the Zine and attempt to turn landscape art into a two page spread (which does look awesome!).

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Make your content and email it to entrapdakzineisluvd[at]gmail.com by JULY 1st 2023

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Please note I DO NOT KEEP any records of anyone’s email addresses. When the Zine is out I batch delete all emails sent to the email address (this is usually done a week after the Zine is out) and I keep no further records of these address. I respect your email privacy at all times.

The only records I keep on Zine applications is a private Google Sheet that has the following details: Submitter’s name, rough description of the item submitted and their social media contacts. I’m the only person with access to this Google Sheet as I use this as a Master List reference when compiling the Zine

FAQs:

Why no Application form?

I don’t want anyone to feel like they are applying for a job here, this is supposed to be fun.

Will there be Guest Artists or Guest Writers?

If they apply sure, I’m not advertising who applies to be a part of this Zine until it’s ready to be published. I don’t want anyone to feel intimidated just because a certain person has chosen to participate.

Can I submit more than one piece?

If you’d like to certainly! If you’d like to submit up to three pieces of art and 3 fan writings, sure go for it! I’m certainly not going to stop anyone having a good time

May I post a preview of my work to my Followers?

Sure! Bonus points if you link them to this post so that they can take part if they wish

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I would ask if you could please wait until the issue featuring your work is published. Of course this does not apply if you are chosen to submit and older work - in this case may I ask that you edit or add to said post to mention the work was also used in the Zine?

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Nope, this is for anyone who wants to take part. I only ask for a social media contact so that others who like you work for the Zine may follow you on your preferred social media platform.

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Of course! Just let me know which piece you want to use and I’ll update on my end

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Of course that’s not a problem!

Ah I can’t get this done before the deadline - it’s almost ready!!! I need another day!!!!

Contact me, either through the submitting email over via my Tumblr or Twitter DMs or just emailing the email address. There is extra time scheduled as an extension for anyone who needs it with no questions asked to why it is needed. Just get in contact, I'll put you name on the Extension List and that extra time is yours. Once all names come in (or the deadline is reached) I will finish up my work and get the zine out. I will not be sending out a further reminder (because I’ll forget sorry 😅).

Why don’t you make the Extension List time public?

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More Entrapdak Zines??

Sure why not? If the community still wants them I’ll keep compiling them ever three or so months. I’ve seen what us nerds can do!

Where can I find the finished Zine?

All finished Zines are all hosted on a shared Google Drive free folder -> https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1My_hDY8NmOWV7v6z0sYi0TSvxv07WowX

Oh you made it to the end of this Wall of Text…someone actually read all of this? I mean it’s mostly the same as the last two times… uh here’s a picture of my Son Smudge because I should really pay my Cat Tax with toe beans:

#spop #entrapdak #entrapta #hordak #shera #zine #fanzine #fandom event #upcoming event #free zine #free fanzine #fanfic #fanart #cat tax

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drowninginredink · 8 months

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Hi! It's me, autistic Chosen anon.

Firstly, I appreciate it that you took the time to share more of your experiences with me. I've actually read your reply multiple times now, and I have to say, it's very sobering. Especially in the sense that I recognise so much of it.

Just one(1) personal example, the part where you talk about already fixating on delusional thought processes as a kid. I did that too! Except in my case it developed into mood and anxiety disorders as I got older, instead of overt psychosis. Look, I already had compassion for psychotic people of all types, because life simply dealt you a very difficult hand. But it also felt like something distant from me. And it really isn't. You were right. We're not that different at all. ALSO, as we're seeing more and more of these overlaps and interconnections between all kinds of diagnoses, I think there's A LOT to be said about the approach of the psychiatric field as well as the neurodivergency and mental illness communities...

That being said, cheers to you, my fellow in neurodivergency, and thanks again!

Oh Jesus, do not get me started on my issues with diagnoses. I thought about going into it in that reply and I was like "you know what? Too complicated, too personal, and too much baggage." But if you're bringing it up? Let's go.

So. I am not actually diagnosed with schizophrenia. My official diagnosis is "other specified schizophrenia spectrum or other psychotic disorder." I think you can see why I simplify to schizophrenia. But also, I was not diagnosed by the actual DSM criteria. I was diagnosed by a research clinic attached to a university that is trying to get the criteria for various psychotic disorders changed for the DSM-6, and to get their own evaluation to become the standard instead of the current ones. The thing is, their evaluation is much stricter than the current criteria. By the DSM? You need to fit at least 2 of 4 categories of symptoms (which I do). By this clinic, you need to have all 16 of 16 of their categories of symptoms. The last time they evaluated me, I had 11 of 16. If I were evaluated by other clinicians? They'd just diagnose me as schizophrenic. In fact, I've explained this to other medical professionals and had them say, "what? 11 out of 16 is definitely enough to be schizophrenic? You definitely don't need every symptom?" So as much as yes, I do not have every classic symptom and my schizo-spec experience is non-traditional... There's a reason I have no problem just calling myself schizophrenic these days.

The clinic very much is doing that thing where you try to solve a problem and end up creating new problems. The problem is that a lot of people have what are called sub-threshold psychotic symptoms. Basically, psychotic symptoms without ever going into a state of actual psychosis, or completely disconnecting from reality. I personally am not convinced that there is a hard line between experiencing symptoms and having "actual psychosis." Like, these therapists say I have never had real, full psychosis, but I have been pretty goddamn delusional. I sure wasn't functional! I was out of school! I was constantly fixated on my delusions! I was in a state of severe distress! And the onset of my delusions was a pretty sudden thing to the point that I can tell you the exact date and time. It was my birthday. Lucky me. Anyway. Point is. There are a lot of people who experience these symptoms who, unlike me, will never reach the point where anyone would diagnose them as schizophrenic. Right now, they are slipping through the cracks because there is no diagnosis to give them. There is a push to treat them, but coming from the idea that people with these symptoms are in the early, pre-psychosis state of schizophrenia (the term here, if you want to google it, is prodromal psychosis). The idea is that treatment in this early stage will prevent people from ever actually reaching full psychosis. That's why the clinic started. But as they did research, they discovered that even without treatment, only 20% of these people will actually develop "real" schizophrenia and "real" psychosis. This isn't just the early phases of schizophrenia; it's a separate thing of people with more mild symptoms existing who will never convert to schizophrenia. The term that they want to be in the DSM-6 is Attenuated Psychosis Syndrome. Attenuated means less severe. So literally, "it's like you have real psychosis but less bad." Needless to say, I fucking hate this term. It's still better than their original term that they're moving away from, though, which is Clinical High Risk syndrome. Literally just "well, you're at risk of developing a real disorder."

To use autism as a metaphor, it's like if people noticed that hey, a lot more people seem to be autistic than we are actually diagnosing. Right now we're just diagnosing the people with high support needs who are super disabled by it. But other people could use recognition and help too. But instead of just lowering the criteria for what counts as autism, they say "hey, let's invent Asperger's syndrome." You know. That diagnosis that doesn't exist anymore for good reasons.

And then, also, how do we communicate with these people with Asperger's syndrome? Instead of saying "hey, you're autistic, and that's okay and awesome and valid," we say "while yes, you're on the autism spectrum, don't worry. You're not actually autistic. You're not one of those people, and you'll probably never have real autism. Don't go calling yourself autistic. You're not one of them." Yes, you heard me right... They actually have the gall to tell people like me "you're on the psychotic spectrum, but you're not psychotic. You can't call yourself psychotic." Which... What? That's not how spectrums work? The entire attitude of the clinic is "don't worry. You're not schizophrenic. You don't have psychosis. I know those people are scary. Don't worry. You're not one of the scary people with the scary thing." They look at the stigma and instead of even trying to fight it, they say "don't worry. You're not one of the stigmatized group."

So imagine being me. You just got a diagnosis that doesn't actually exist. If you google it (which is hard because they're using about 5 different names for it and can't just decide on one), you'll find a bunch of information that is either in scientific papers that are only written for other psychiatric people to read and not laymen, or information that is outdated compared to what the clinic is now discovering (stuff saying that sub-threshold symptoms only exist as the prodromal phase of schizophrenia). You feel alone as shit, because of course you do, the entire world thinks that psychotic people are cr*zy freaks. So you start looking to psychotic and schizophrenic people for community. You start identifying with them. When explaining your mental health, you just call yourself psychotic. And what do your therapists say? "No. You can't call yourself one of them. You are on their spectrum, but you're not really one of them. Doesn't it make you feel better to know you're not one of the freaks?" No. It doesn't. I'm already one of the freaks, and you've just cut me off from the only community I have because you've given me a diagnosis without any recognition or community. The reason I'm now confidently able to say "fuck you, I am a real psychotic and a real schizophrenic" is because I haven't been part of that clinic for two years so no one is telling me that anymore. The bounds of their studies mean that you can only be treated by them for 2 years and then you get kicked out because if you make it to 2 years without developing "real" psychosis, their research says that you never will, and they are still sort of operating under that original mission of keeping people with prodromal schizophrenia from going into psychosis. While I was still there, the way they tried to distance me from the rest of the spectrum as if that was a positive thing fucked me up. I felt so alone for so long, and I felt guilty for associating with and seeing myself in "real" schizophrenics.

I think the model we've reached with autism is where we should go with schizophrenia. Just call everything "schizophrenia spectrum disorder" (Yes I know autistic people hate ASD as a label because of the disorder part, but I think even the proudest schizophrenics who like and embrace some of their symptoms and don't want them all fixed still agree that it is a disorder. Yes, not all delusions actually need to be cured. Some of them can be positive and beneficial, even if personally none of mine ever have been. But stuff like disorganized thinking, anhedonia, and catatonia are always awful, and they're part of the package too). People who are currently going undiagnosed and who attenuated psychosis syndrome was coined for are the low-support needs end, and people who are currently diagnosed with schizophrenia are the high-support needs end. It's not exactly a perfect correlary, but I think it's reasonable. Unfortunately, while I don't know what's going to actually happen with the DSM-6 (which is still probably a good ten years out since a revision of the DSM-5 was released last year), as far as I know no one is proposing that. God knows when we'll ever get a reasonable and destigmatizing approach to the schizophrenia spectrum, but not any time soon.

God that was long. Well, thank you for giving me an excuse to rant. Basically, fuck the medical model, fuck the DSM, and fuck the people who are trying to change the DSM, too.

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lancerious · 2 years

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Well, yesterday I said I would create a tier list for Deltarune Chapter 1 characters, so here we are!

Before I begin going over every character, there are a few things I want to lay out first. I'll put a "keep reading" bit here, because this post will be quite long:

Rule #1: This tier list consists of all the MAJOR Deltarune characters in Chapter 1. My rule is if a character is in a battle and has actual DIALOGUE outside of a battle, they're in the list. The exceptions to this rule are Hathy, Head Hathy, and Seam. Oh, and K. Round and C. Round. Almost forgot about those two, lol.

Rule #2: Besides the primary four Lightners (Kris, Susie, Berdly, and Noelle), there ARE NO LIGHTNERS in my tier lists. Kris and Susie are in this tier list, and Berdly and Noelle will be in the Chapter 2 tier list.

Rule #3: I will likely miss a few characters who fit the criteria from Rule #1. Expect it. I'm not good at remembering specifics of all the characters :P.

Rule #4: This is less of a rule and more of a heads-up. Once I post my tier lists for Chapter 1 & Chapter 2 characters, I will combine both tier lists so you have a more accurate representation of where any character stands based on how much I PERSONALLY like them.

Without further ado, let's begin!

You...should have seen this coming, lol.

Character #1: Lancer. If you've been paying close attention to my more recent posts, you may have noticed I've been leaning towards Lancer a bit more than I usually do. This is because Lancer has recently become my absolute favorite Deltarune character as of yet. Lancer and King were tied for a long time, but somebody had to win, and Lancer beats King by a SLIVER. I'm not going to go into a full explanation as to why. I'll save that for the essay I'll write later on. Just know that, for now, Lancer is at the top in my personal opinion.

Character #2: King. Ah, King...what can I say about him that I haven't said already? King is underrated and misunderstood, not the worst character morally, yada yada yada...you likely know this already. If you don't, you can always check out these two posts HERE and HERE, where I go into this more in-depth. I will say that I don't like King any less than I used to. I simply prefer Lancer by the slightest amount. King is still an amazing character though! I doubt any other Deltarune character besides Lancer will top him for a great while.

Moving on to the "A" tier...this is likely where you'll begin to be surprised, lol.

Character #1: Rouxls Kaard. Okay, I'm going to be honest: I fricken' love Rouxls Kaard. He is one of the funniest Deltarune characters I have ever come across. Seriously, I laugh so much every time he's on screen. I have zero complaints regarding him. I've personally loved this character for quite a while as well, so there's that too. I highly considered putting Rouxls Kaard on the bottom of the "S" tier, but I love Lancer and King on another level, so Rouxls is gonna have to settle for the top of "A" tier. I would love to write an essay on this guy as well.

Character #2: Jevil. I...love Jevil too. His potential backstory is very intriguing to me, and I've always liked characters who represent clowns/jesters. One major reason Jevil is this high on my list is because he was the very first Deltarune character I learned about. Not only that, he is also the very first Deltarune character I greatly liked. This was LONG before I discovered the Deltarune game. Jevil gets major respect points from me because of this.

Character #3: Susie. If you saw this post HERE, you would have learned that I became a major Susie fan fairly recently compared to the previous four characters I mentioned. And honestly, I don't know why I wasn't a Susie fan earlier. She's an amazing character. Now, do I like Susie on the same level as some others? No. I definitely respect her and am fairly interested in her, but I don't think about her 24/7. Again, she is an astounding character, and definitely my favorite Lightner. I wish I had gotten invested in her sooner.

Character #4: Rudinn. All right, before you begin protesting, let me explain. Rudinn is an amazing character all-around. They're funny, have the perfect amount of screen time, and I can honestly relate to them sometimes. Almost every line of dialogue Rudinn has gets a chuckle out of me. They're just poor fellas who are forced to babysit Lancer all the time. Love this character, Rudinn deserves more love, the end.

Character #5: Rudinn Ranger. Okay, since I've likely had some of you silently protesting the last character, I'll give you another reason to protest. I love Rudinn Ranger too, though not on the same level as Rudinn. I'm really interested in Rudinn Ranger's loyalty to King in Chapter 1, and by extension Lancer as well, but mostly King. While the Rudinns never really want to attack you, the Rudinn Rangers are a different story. It really makes me wonder...but besides that, Rudinn Ranger as a whole is pretty solid in my opinion. Not as solid as Rudinn, but definitely a decent character.

Character #6: Kris. Oh my God, I put Kris at the bottom of "A" tier?! Yes, I did. I'll appease the masses by saying Kris is one of my personal favorite protagonists in all media, whether it be video games, movies, or books. The duality of Kris and the player is so darn interesting. They're both fighting for control over the same body, and I love it. Besides this, Kris is generally interesting as a whole. Their interactions and relationships with various characters is super fun to see, and I love the subtle hints of Kris's feelings and opinions through dialogue choices. Kris as a character is extremely solid, and I see why so many people are fans of them. However, this is my own tier list, not the Deltarune communities' tier list, so that is why Kris is this low.

Now I'm really just trying to drive you all insane.

Character #1: Seam. Seam is cool! I don't have any complaints about Seam. Their backstory with Jevil is sick, their personality fits them extremely well, and their warning about not wandering around the Dark World at night is...foreboding. Good character overall! I just don't like Seam as much as other characters.

Character #2: Ralsei. Now, this...this is going to start some fires. I want to make it clear that I do not dislike Ralsei. The reason Ralsei is so low is because a) I like all the higher-listed characters more, and b) I do not like Ralsei on the same level most people do. I see so many Ralsei-related posts and theories every day, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, because Ralsei is so popular amongst the Deltarune community, it makes me like him less. This is a frankly bad habit of mine that I am trying to improve on. A certain Chapter 2 character falls under the same trap, but I have learned to like and respect him a fair amount, and I am trying to do the same with Ralsei. I like everything about Ralsei, though I will admit I prefer his Chapter 1 appearance over his Chapter 2 appearance.

Character #3: Hathy. Hathy is...an interesting one. I'm not sure if their pronouns are she/her or they/them, but the Deltarune wiki uses they/them, so that's what I'll use here. I like the idea of Hathy never speaking using words, and only using gestures or symbols to communicate. Their personality is neat, and I like spam-buying the Hearts Donut at the bake sale area. Decent character, though I don't have a lot to say about them.

Character #4: Head Hathy. Unlike the Rudinn Ranger who is distinctly different from the Rudinn, to me Head Hathys are just a regular Hathy but...blue. They are more aggressive than a regular Hathy, so there is that, but besides that one difference, they're both the same character to me. I'm likely missing something, but until I find out more information about them, I'll just see them as a recolor of a Hathy.

Please help me I'm running out of colors.

Character #1: Clover. Clover is...okay. I don't dislike her, but I'm not a major fan of her either. She's certainly unique, I'll give her that. The idea of having heads represent personalities is very creative. Not a bad character by any means, but Clover isn't my type of character.

Character #2: Jigsawry. Okay, I'll be honest...Jigsawry annoys me. I do not know why, but they do. However, they are a fairly minor character, so they don't get on my nerves too much. I wish I could tell you in words why I do not like the Jigsawry, but I unfortunately can't. The reason Jigsawry is on the "C" tier and not the "D" tier is because they don't get on my nerves quite as much as the next two characters...

We can't sink any lower than this.

K. Round and C. Round. Okay, to anyone, ANYONE who likes these two characters, I greatly apologize for putting these two this low. I just...severely dislike these two characters. Like Jigsawry, I for the life of me cannot put into words why this is. They are not bad characters by any means, and I completely respect your opinion. I just straight-up don't like them. I see them as only existing for the memes and funnies. Again, they are not bad characters, but I personally never liked these two, and likely never will.

Well, that's everyone on my list! This...took some time to type out, so hopefully you enjoyed being constantly blasted with my opinions! The Chapter 2 tier list will likely be posted tomorrow, and I'll post the combined tier list on Wednesday. I'm sure I baffled quite a few of you with my controversial opinions, lol. Let's see if the Chapter 2 tier list will do the same, hehe >:).

Anyway, have a fantastic week :D!

Oh! One more thing: If you feel like I'm using the wrong pronouns for any character, I am using the pronouns described in the Deltarune wiki. I checked every single character's wiki to make certain I was using the correct pronouns, so if I used the wrong pronouns, I sincerely apologize.

#deltarune #tier list #deltarune tier list #deltarune chapter 1 #long post #i still feel kinda bad for the ralsei enjoyers #i like ralsei i promise

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vegaseatsass · 2 years

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Just wanted to say that when you said you consider yourself "autism-adjacent" I felt kind of understood. I think I'm always between calling myself allistic or autistic or maybe just ND or something else. I don't know to which extent I mask or to which extent I am just faking autistic experiences, and while I love being in the autistic communities online (and having autistic friends to whom i will never ever breathe a word of my own doubts about my self dx), I do feel like an intruder so I never want to share my experiences or talk above someone else.

Oh anon, I'm so glad to hear that resonated for you even a little bit! This is a post that really helped me: https://vegaseatsass.tumblr.com/post/706935614630772736/tamlin-the-thing-is-you-dont-have-to-have-a so maybe it will help you too.

Like, there are huge issues when people with a mild version of an experience (whether that's like, an experience of oppression, a disability, anything else), or the most "relatable"/palatable-to-the-power-structure version of an identity (like autism), become the spokesperson for the entire group; I firmly believe it's worth staying mindful of that and actively working to center and amplify the most vulnerable and/or norms-challenging members of ANY community one is a part of.

But I think it starts to get really complex beyond that! I don't think sharing experiences is automatically talking above anyone else or taking up space or resources. If there are behaviors or traits, or strategies or accommodations, that fit an autism diagnosis, which it really helps you to identify with or apply to your own life, it is not imo hurting anybody else to incorporate those into your identity and approach to the world.

But I still feel so weird about doing it myself!!! I've been diagnosed with 7 or so different labels over the past 20 years, which leads to me feeling like I'm faking at all of them. My current dx (Non-Verbal Learning Disorder) has helped me the most in terms of strategies and accommodations, but I still feel like a faker because I don't fit all the different criteria, and the parts I do fit mostly feel mild (except for the executive dysfunction, which was so debilitating to me it's taken me decades to get to a place where I can feed myself or work - but this is hardly the only dx w/ executive dysfunction as a symptom!!!). Then even with NLD, there's like debate on if it's even a real??? learning disorder??? or if it's just a non-stigmatized name for a particular kind of autism??? or what, and it's just all incredibly confusing to me LOL.

What I've found the most useful is 1) identifying symptoms, and not worrying about connecting them to an umbrella term. Just focusing on managing the symptoms that are obstacles to the life I want to live, and on embracing/reframing the ones that are authentic/benign parts of who I am that don't need to be managed beyond pressure to seem "normal" 2) letting myself relate to anyone describing experiences that resonate for me, quietly and internally. Not running up to anyone sharing something personal I relate to and acting like we're the same, but just letting my own "I feel that too! I see myself in what you're saying!" response be a way I connect to the world while staying quiet/private about a lot of my own experiences, outside of therapy and a few really close, really safe friendships. Friendships where I know it will be validating to hear that I see myself in what's being described (and/or where we can communicate about the times when it's not) instead of risking invalidating or minimizing somebody else's experience.

I know there has to be a better way for people like you and I to express our authentic experiences without this level of second-guessing, and a way to create spaces where it doesn't feel like getting ourselves "wrong" comes with any risk for a community we care about, but I'm at least not there yet so it's easier for me to like, do more listening than talking for now, and also get really wrapped up in fiction where I can relate to whoever I want to however deeply I want to. Khun Sam 😍

I also strongly feel that the beauty of terms like neurodivergent is that, like "queer", you don't have to be able to lay out every detail about who you are for anyone else. You can have questions or some internal suspicions about who you are and how you work that connect you to a community/a sort of general scope of collective experiences, and figure out the specifics with time and care, including if/as those specifics change.

I HOPE THAT MADE SENSE, I am not the most clearheaded today at all but I really wanted to respond. Thanks for sending me this message and I so hope you start to feel like more of a beloved member of the communities you're in instead of an intruder.

#asks #such clumsy typing tonight sorry #autism #neurodivergence #non-verbal learning disorder #personal personal personal #please @ anyone feel free to take issue w/ anything i said here #i'm not only not at my best but i don't feel super strongly about anything but that we should be kind to each other #and it's ok to not fit inside really clearcut lines and still learn from other people

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duskamethyst · 4 years

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make it right.

a/n: i was on a writing high. i initially hated this so much but ended up with 12 pages long.

word count: 5.1k

genre: mature, smut, nsfw, angst to fluff

warnings: mentions of abortion, pregnancy

pairing: hawks x f!reader

𝅘𝅥𝅮 music rec: the reason by hoobastank 𝅘𝅥𝅮

summary: you told keigo that you’re carrying his child but he didn’t take it well. five years later he shows up in front of your door after being invited by his son and says he wants to fix everything.

you lean down towards the counter as you concentrate on creating pretty swirls of cream on the cake you baked with a piping bag. the dining table is full of food, a feast almost too huge for only two people, but you have a good excuse. it is a special day. your son’s fifth birthday to be exact.

kids these days can be ruthless and your son doesn’t get along very well with the other kids from his kindergarten. they like picking on others that seem too fragile, too quiet – criteria that fits him well and it doesn’t help with the fact that they know he’s growing up without a father. your child never opened up to you about the constant mocking he faced until one day you overheard him sobbing through his pillow in his own room. it was dark, though the door was still open by an inch to allow a small amount of light to penetrate into the room whenever he slept. he said he wanted to sleep earlier because he was tired but the muffling sounds he tried to conceal betrayed his efforts when you passed by later that night.

it made you angry and disappointed in yourself. you really tried your best to juggle between being a mom and a dad at the same time, keeping an eye on your child and working your ass off to make a living for the two of you. you’d always put up a tough front, never broke down in front of him when you were dead tired from being overworked and the thought of him trying to not make you worry, shattered your heart into pieces. you know that all he deserves is a good life and you constantly blame yourself for not being good enough, mostly angry at your past self for not even knowing how to make good decisions and think things through.

if only you could turn back time, you would tell yourself to never get involved with a pro hero – to never get involved with someone who feels so responsible for other strangers’ lives but not their own child’s.

were you being selfish? for not understanding that his work always comes first? he can’t possibly have a family when he has villains out there that need to be put in their right place for their crimes. were you expecting too much from him?

“can’t you… get rid of it?” he muttered. his cold words felt like a sharp blade that just stabbed you in the heart. never once you thought that he would say that. how easy was it for him to ask you to throw out another life like it meant nothing?

“keigo, you can’t be serious.” you shook your head, your legs were already wobbling and you felt sick to your stomach. this news should be happy for the both of you but unfortunately, you two weren’t on the same page.

was it your fault? keigo never spoke about having a child together but he always said he’d love to build a family with you someday – he loved you, he would always protect you and be there for you. sure, it was a slip up this time. you always made sure to take proper measures to avoid pregnancy from happening but you were also more than glad to bear this child and you were convinced that keigo would be happy about it as much as you were. he loved you so much, after all.

“i don’t think…” he stammered, trying to find the right words. “give me some time.”

your lips pursed into a thin line, hands clenching hard and knuckles turning white. think? the uncertainty in his voice was already giving you the obvious answer. he couldn’t even look you in the eyes. he never wanted this.

“save the trouble, keigo.” you spat. “how about i’ll just leave so you don’t even have to think at all?”

keigo finally lifted up his head to look at you with wavering eyes, but he still couldn’t find the words to say, to comfort you. “what are you saying?”

“i’m still going to have this child. even if it means i have to do it alone.” with a sharp breath, you turned around towards the door.

you heard a frustrating sigh coming from your back, “you know i can’t. you know damn well that i have my job as a hero and i can’t look after… after a child!”

“but it’s your child keigo!” you turned around to scream and look at him again, tears already welling in your eyes, threatening to pour out.

“and what difference does that make?!” he yelled back. “in fact, that’s even worse!”

the room was quiet as the both of you just stood there. keigo slowly realizing what just came out of his mouth in the heat of the moment while you just stared at him in disbelief. both were standing stunned and speechless from what he clearly said. that was it, you thought.

“fuck you.” you cursed under your breath and immediately left his place, not even sparing a look back.

if he was sorry, he would chase after you. if he didn’t mean it, he would look everywhere for you.

but none of that happened.

you ended up going back to your hometown after that. it was shameful, to finally see your parents again but just to cry on their feet as soon as you saw their faces and telling them that you were carrying an illegitimate child. it was devastating for them initially but thankfully they easily accepted it, welcoming you to stay over at their place with open arms so they could help you throughout your pregnancy until the baby was born and grown. above all, you were still their daughter. living far away, your parents had never met keigo and they were shocked to know that you were having the no.2 pro hero’s baby but also disappointed at how he reacted when you told him the news.

however, what was done is done and you can only manage to move forward by raising the child with your utmost capability. you promised yourself that you’ll protect and raise this child with as much love and care a mother can offer. whatever it takes, even if you’ll have to do it by yourself.

you ended up living with your parents until your son turned four and decided to live independently, not wanting to burden them any longer. they didn’t want to let you go, the presence of the child brought so much joy in their daily lives. he was a bundle of sunshine and they loved him so much.

and kyō is just beautiful.

keigo’s genes manage to overpower your son compared to yours. fluffy but shorter blonde hair, dark and sharp on the inner corner of the eyes and not to forget the red wings on his back. it isn’t as big as keigo’s yet but it still stands out. although he takes on your personality more, every part of him reminds you of keigo and sometimes it feels like a jab to your chest. it hurts to be reminded of the man that hurt you and told you to get rid of the child you were bearing so ruthlessly.

throughout the years, you tried to make peace with the past. at first, it was hard to look at the news and see his face. he was almost everywhere, a lot of stores also sold his merchandise and his face even covered the magazines-- you realized you couldn’t escape him, your past. although he’s in the limelight, the media was still unaware about his private life and you were glad alas the similar features of kyō to the pro hero made some passersby and mothers at the park question you. fortunately, you already came up with a bullshit excuse like “he is such a big fan of hawks and he cosplays him every day… and oh, the wings are fake too.”

of course, strangers weren’t the only ones who inquired about it. even the little child himself could smartly notice his resemblance with the pro hero.

as soon as he first saw hawks on tv, he went on and on about how they looked so much alike. he was beyond fascinated, he could barely understand what the news was talking about at the time but being on the screen was more than enough to make him understand that hawks was an amazing guy. his eyes would twinkle in wonder when the news caught footage of him flying in the air with his red wings spreading graciously. if anything at all, kyō just couldn’t wait to flap his own smaller wings soon.

then one thing led to another. a question that any curious child would ask their parents about.

oftentimes kyō would ask you about his dad. why didn’t he have one like the other children he played with at the park and oftentimes you would try to avoid the topic and shrugged it off with a lame joke saying how you were also his dad and how you were powerful to have two bodies in one unlike other people.

he ended up growing tired of it one day, crying to you and asked if the reason why he didn’t have one was because he didn’t love him – something he heard one of the kids said. it broke you and you were lost for words. you called your parents for support and after much discussion, your mother thought he deserved to at least know the truth and you did just that.

luckily, he took it surprisingly well. even his little brain can comprehend the job of a top hero, he understood that it was a lot of work and keigo was often busy and far away. it was less to his liking when you made him promise you to not tell anyone about it and he should keep it as a secret because bad guys would chase after him if another single soul would know and his dad did it to protect him. it was a bad lie, but still, you had to do it.

later, kyō realized that his birthday was coming soon. he knew what he had always wanted. he didn’t know if he could have it but maybe… maybe if he tried and wished hard enough, it would come true.

he sneakily took your phone to look up “hawks'' on your phone, though at first he was only shown results and pictures of the literal bird before smartly adding “pro hero” at the back. with limited comprehension, he eventually managed to find the agency’s website before scrolling further to find the address to the agency and scribbled it down on a piece of paper.

“daddy?!” the bell has been ringing for a few times but you were too concentrated on decorating the birthday cake to even hear it but your son’s small wings flutter in excitement as he runs across the hallway to open the door.

your heart stops for a second. was that the reason why your son was pacing around the living room? you’re not expecting any guests for tonight’s dinner at all, especially the father of your child.

“hey! i got your letter!” the familiar excited tone of his voice bursts from the door as he speaks. he kneels down eye-level as his son and gives him a big hug. “happy birthday.”

“what letter?” you break into the conversation, arms folded in front of your chest as you lean against the wall with an unamused expression written across your face.

“i wrote daddy a letter!” your son says proudly, but you can already imagine the horrible squiggly lines on the handwritten letter.

“and you gave me a picture too. you look exactly like me, am so happy!” keigo chuckles, ruffling the hair of his boy, eliciting little giggles from the other. it’s a beautiful sight and it makes your heart ache a little at the image of what it could’ve been. if only he was fully ready to accept the fact that he was gonna bear a child. if only he knew how to balance between his career and personal life. you could’ve had the most beautiful family you’ve ever dreamed of.

“honey, can you go to your room for a bit? your daddy and i have to talk.” you say softly, hoping that he won’t take it any other way.

“am i.. in trouble?” kyō turns to you with a frown and puppy eyes – which he knows well that it would always work on you and it’s almost adorable how it’s exactly what keigo would do whenever he makes you annoyed with his antics. it’s just one of his ways to apologize to you.

you sigh and shake your head, “no. we’re gonna talk about…” you glance elsewhere as you think of an excuse. “your surprise present!”

“it’s not a surprise anymore if you say it like that, mommy!” the child laughs and scurries to his room as told and the both of you watch him with a smile tugged on your lips.

you turn back to keigo with a dour expression as soon as your son closes the door to his room, causing him to fidget a bit from his spot. he hasn’t seen it for years, after all. he’s about to pull you into a hug but instead, you quickly turn your heels around towards the kitchen.

“i still have things to do. either you help me with it or leave.”

he quickly takes off his shoes and follows you, taking in the view around the house before he enters the kitchen. the atmosphere is stuffy and tense while you sit on the stool to continue decorating the cake.

“you can help by setting up the plates. top cabinet.” you break the awkward silence and keigo obliges, he reaches the cabinet to take out the available plates and put them nicely around the table.

“you made it yourself?” he tries to make a conversation as he glances at you working on the cake.

“yeah.” you simply reply without taking your eyes off from your work.

“it’s nice. chocolate?”

“obviously.”

keigo sighs from the underwhelming response, “i know you don’t want me here but –”

“no shit.” you almost slam the table but quickly recompose yourself by taking a deep breath. for the sake of your son, you know you shouldn’t get into an argument right now, at least not today.

“look, i’ll leave as soon as this is over if that’s what you want.”

you glare at him, “it’s more than what i want right now,” then it’s your turn to sigh. “but i doubt that’s what kyō would want.”

keigo already knows his name from the letter but his lips etch into a warm smile at the sound of the name you’ve given to the-- his child and a small part of him wishes that he was there in the process of choosing a name for the boy together with you.

“okay, just for tonight. we’ll pretend like we’re a happy family.” you stand up from the stool after putting the last candle and set the cake in the middle of the table.

“...and what if we don’t have to?” he blurts out after a brief and quiet moment, immediately catching your attention. he notices the puzzled look on your face and continues, “what if we really start being a happy family from now and onwards?”

you blink once, twice. for a second, you feel a heavy pang in your chest as your brain processes the words that just came out from his mouth. it’s like déjà vu, only this time keigo has certainty in his voice.

the room falls dead silent again as you stare at each other. you’re finding words and about to open your mouth to say something but kyō suddenly interrupts from the corner of the kitchen and both of your attentions quickly turn to him.

“mommy..? i’m hungry.”

“oh, sweetheart. you’re just in time!” you walk up to kyō to carry him in your arms before bringing him to the dining table. his eyes sparkle at the variety of food spread across the table and his wings flutter in excitement.

“can you help light up the candles? the lighter is in the drawer.” you usher to keigo as you show your son his favorite food you made earlier while keigo quickly rummages through the drawer. he lights up each candle as you put down kyō on one of the chairs before he stands on his knees to reach close enough to blow the candles. the both of you excitedly sing happy birthday and clap your hands as he blows off the candles after a brief moment for a wish.

“what did you wish for?” keigo asks, affectionately patting kyō on the head.

“i wish to be a hero like daddy!” he exclaims, arms and wings spread in enthusiasm. a bittersweet feeling engulfs him-- a part of him is disappointed and ashamed of himself while another part of him is elated and relieved that he’s still looked up upon by his own child. in the corner of his heart, keigo thinks he doesn’t deserve it. kyō is a splitting image of himself (minus the color of his eyes that he takes after you) and it easily brings back visions of him from the past. he wanted to be a hero too, but his father wasn’t someone he could look up to. hence, making endeavor the only man he idolized.

he realizes he is lucky enough to be the person his son looks up to. he knows that this was what his own younger self would want. a father he can be proud of, a hero at that. keigo wants to make it right with whatever it’ll take.

the night proceeds smoothly, all three of you have fun together like any normal family would and bonding over lost times. keigo is thoughtful (though his choice seems a little bit conceited) enough to give kyō a present; an action figure of himself. unknowingly, the walls that you built around you by the time keigo arrived earlier slowly crumbles and you grow less wary around him as time ticks by. when it’s bedtime for the boy, keigo insists on putting him to bed so he can spend more time with him which you gladly consented to so you can also continue cleaning up the kitchen.

a set of footsteps coming down the stairs can be heard as you’re seated on one of the stools while sipping tea.

“want some tea?” you offer without turning around to look at the male.

“sure.” he says as he walks up to you.

you can feel his tall and lean build ghosting you from the back as you pour a cup for him but his hands suddenly reach your shoulders and give them light squeezes.

“what are you doing?” you ask quizzically, glancing at the hand on your shoulder.

“giving you a massage.” he smiles innocently as he continues pressing on the knot in your stiff shoulders, making you sigh in reflex.

“trying to get on my good side?” you say in a mocking tone.

“hmm, just showing my appreciation to you.” his hands move lower to your spine, your back arches a little as he presses down your aching muscles.

“you’re five years too late, keigo.” you sneer but welcome his service as you close your eyes and hum in content. it’s not that bad, you assure yourself in your head.

keigo diligently continues to massage your back as the kitchen now fills with your quiet sighs and whimpers whenever he rubs on the sore spot. without you realizing, he slyly pulls the collar of your baggy shirt down and plants soft kisses on your bare shoulder.

“k-keigo?” you immediately open your eyes and flinch at the sudden touch.

he remains quiet while his hands work up and down your arms gently and his lips move further up to your earlobe, sending tingling sensations down to your core and you can already feel your nipples harden underneath your shirt.

“relax.” his hot breath fans over your ear as he whispers. your cheeks are already burning red and you’re out of sarcastic remarks as you can only find yourself to indulge into his touches.

you gasp in surprise when keigo’s hands sneakily move under your shirt and quickly unsnaps your bra. he massages your breasts and kneads them gently before teasing your erect nipple between his fingers. your hands firmly clenches the edge of the island to hold yourself as he nips on the crook of your neck, just gently to carefully not leave a mark.

“you want more, babybird?” he coos as he realizes that your thighs are pressing against each other. as much as you hate to admit it, the nostalgic pet name tugs on your heartstrings and you find yourself melting after hearing it after years again.

feeling embarrassed, you quietly nod your head.

“i can’t hear you.” a teasing tone lingers in his voice. he knows what he’s doing and you hate him for it.

“more, keigo...” you whine. it sounds so innocent and adorable but it absolutely makes his cock twitch. noticing that you’ve been avoiding looking at him the whole time, he uses one of his hands to make you look at him and grins when he catches the red tint spread across your face before he presses his lips onto yours.

the traces of your ego make you hesitate at first but you’re quick to lose it as he deepens it, as if to send you a silent message of how much he misses you while his tongue intertwines with yours.

one of his hands remains to massage your mound while the other travels down south to easily part your legs and cups your heated sex. keigo rubs the clit against the fabric of your pants, eliciting breathy moans from your lips between kisses. you pull away and lean back to his body as he slides his hand under your pants, feeling the wet patch that is already staining your underwear.

“already wet from all of that?” he says playfully, taking out his hand to look at the damp juices as he rubs it between his fingers.

“says the man that was grinding his cock on my back.” you roll your eyes halfheartedly, missing the faint blush that becomes apparent on his cheeks.

keigo then reaches for the cups in front of you and pushes them aside before lifting you up on the kitchen island, making you turn towards him. he swiftly pulls down your pants along with your underwear, your cunt bare and glistening under the lights for him to see.

his golden irises lock with yours as he kicks the stool to the side and crouches down to spread your thighs apart. he starts to lap off your juices, tongue alternating between your throbbing clit and hole. your elbows help to prop you up as your head hangs back and your eyes close in pure bliss.

keigo smacks and clenches your thighs to draw your attention to him, “baby, look at me.”

you submissively lift your head to look at him, eyes locking with each other again as he watches you squirm on the tongue flicking your clit and eats you out like a starved man having his first meal after a long day.

you grab a lock of his blonde hair in one hand, pushing him closer as your legs tremble around his head, feeling the bubbling sensation of your orgasm building up.

“mmh – gonna cum!” you cry out in ecstasy, instantly forgetting the people next door and your son that’s sound asleep on the upper floor as you chase after your high.

keigo smoothly slides two fingers inside your pussy and your hips begin to grind desperately onto them. he knows you’re close when he feels the walls clenching around him and with another suck on the clit, he quickly gets to tip you over the edge.

“so good for me.” he coos as he pulls away, licking his fingers clean before carrying your panting body in his arms and walks over to sprawl your body on the couch. he hovers on top of you and kisses you again while his hands work on unzipping and taking off his lower garments to free his throbbing cock.

he smears the precum by pumping his cock as he watches you down, adoring the look of absolute bliss on your face and half lidded eyes that he longed for over the years.

“my songbird,” he purrs as he leans down to you and lines his cock with your wet cunt, “you’re so beautiful.”

if you’re already red, the endearing pet name makes you even redder. your gaze avoids his to hide your embarrassment but he only draws it back gently by your chin with his thumb and finger.

“don’t you miss me?” his brows furrowed as he searches your face. you can only stare back into his eyes – bright irises filled with nothing but genuine curiosity and desolation.

your lips pull into a thin line as you ponder for a moment, promptly unable to vocalize like earlier. it’s as if you let even one word escape your mouth, it would make you burst into tears instead. of course you missed him. your mind often wondered if he even thought of you at least once. even when you did make peace with the past, you still couldn’t bring yourself to be the one to make the first step. ego is an ugly thing and you were certain that keigo should be the one to look for you even if it was hard for him since you just disappeared out of his life.

noticing the reluctance to give him an answer, he shushes you. “it’s okay.” he kisses you sweetly on your nose. “but let me show how much i’ve missed you.”

he trails open mouthed kisses down your jaw, neck and collarbone as your hands run through his hair and down to his back. a soft whine manages to escape from your mouth when he nibbles on the soft flesh of your neck, instantly marking it red this time.

his mouth then latches onto your nipple through your shirt, making you squirm beneath him. your hands clenches to the fabric of his shirt when you feel his fingers teasingly dancing between your wet folds and his thumb ghosting over your clit.

keigo gives you a kiss on the lips again before pulling away, the cushion dips as he props himself on the knees, rubbing his hard cock against your wet slits and smearing it with your juices.

a low hiss slips from his lips as he slowly prods in the tip of his cock and your expression twists into discomfort as you feel him stretch you out more – a familiar mixture of pain and pleasure that you haven’t felt for a while.

keigo waits for you to adjust and as soon as you give him the greenlight, he continues to completely balls deep inside you.

“babybird, you feel so good.” he grunts as he bucks his hips and slowly starts to move.

you bite your lower lip hard, enough to draw blood as you try to stifle your moans. keigo leans down to kiss you while your arms find themselves wrapping around his neck. he thrusts harder and faster and your whimpers and whines finally find themselves shamelessly slipping past from your mouth.

“fucking– hah– perfect.” he pants as he pulls away to look at your flustered face, eyes half closed and mouth agape with pleasure.

you quickly bury your face on the crook of his neck and hold onto him tighter while your legs wrap securely around his waist. keigo moves his thumb on your clit, pressing down and rubbing circles all to entice nothing but tightening the coil down in your core more.

“keigo, keigo –” you cry as your nails dig the fabric on his back and your toes curl to the intense sensation.

“baby wants to cum?” he growls as he feels your walls clamping around his cock, making him buck his hips even wilder.

“yesyesyes – oh god, keigo!” your mind turns putty and unable to form any more coherent words, making only his name being the only thing you remember as your eyes close shut while you’re nearing your high.

“that’s it – baby. cum on my cock.” he encourages and you do just that. your pussy flutters as you finally reach your orgasm but his sporadic thrusts doesn’t stop until it starts to falter and his wings tremble.

“fuck. i’m gonna fill you up.” he grits through his teeth and his cock twitches before his wings spread wider as he releases his warm cum inside you.

the both of your bodies stay against each other, chests heaving for air before he briefly pulls out his cock and lays on top of your chest.

“yes.” your voice suddenly croaks, breaking the almost silent air in the room if not for the sound of yours and his breathing.

keigo lifts up his head to look at you confusingly before a lopsided smile curls on his lips when he hears you utter the next few words.

“yes. i missed you and i don’t want to pretend anymore.” you suddenly feel overwhelmed and tears start to well in your eyes. a flash of panic crosses his face and he pulls you closer into his embrace, hoping to calm you down as you sniffle on his chest.

“shh, baby. i’m sorry. i know it’s too late and i was so fucking stupid but i’ll – ”

“i want to live as a happy family with you, keigo.” you cut him off, sobbing through his shirt. he pulls away at once to look at you, unable to believe what he just heard through the choking sob but it still makes even him want to cry.

“babybird, i – ” he’s completely tongue-tied. at this point he can only manage to lean down to be close to you again. he peppers kisses all over your face, saying how thankful and happy he is.

“i love you, my little bird. i won’t fuck up this time, i promise.” he whispers, finally regaining his composure.

that night, keigo could barely sleep a wink. so many thoughts are running through his head. he glances at you sleeping peacefully next to him on the bed and he already pictures how it is to be waking up to see your face every morning. he also hopes that kyō doesn’t know how to fly yet so he could teach him how to use his wings. oh, he’ll also get to find an excuse to buy more buckets of chickens once you three will start living together.

he can already imagine how the headlines will be bombarded about him having a family and he sighs at the thought, but he hopes that his publicist is ready for a hell lot of work.

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skiyoosmi · 3 years

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if fate permits

⤷ chapter twenty six: spotlight

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It was no surprise to people who always saw Atsumu that his eyes were constantly filled with a glitter that just managed to shine regardless of whether it was day or night. Volleyball, volleyball, and volleyball - perhaps, if you take time to ask these people what they think is the reason for that glitter, that would be their only answer. To those who truly knew him though, their answer might just be a tad bit different. Sakusa YN - from the moment he met you up to the present, a certain gleam seems to appear whenever you are the center of the topic. At least, that’s what Osamu has observed.

Kiyoomi concluded it’s just him unconsciously being a hopeless romantic for you. The grey haired lad remembers him saying it was pathetic, as always. But then again, he couldn’t deny the truth behind your brother’s words.

That said, he also knows that no one would have expected the same set of bright eyes to dull its sparkle. Unfortunately for the two of them (or three if you count Kiyoomi based on how often he visits the two of them now), you managed to take it away from him. There in the couch where you once sat during movie nights laid Atsumu, staring at the endless nothing, tears occasionally welling up his eyes as he remembers you, the way you looked at him as strangers do - empty, loveless, cautious.

It was karma. No matter how many times he tries to repeat it himself, it just doesn’t ease the thorns that prick his heart every millisecond that passes and every time, he just feels so sorry because he knows you felt the same pain before. How have you managed to get through it for more than twenty years? He has no idea because he sure as hell won’t be able to last one more day with it. Still, he can’t do anything but sit, mull over his self-sabotaged fate.

As he drowns himself deeper into his misery, a series of vigorous knocks disturb the twins’ “peace.” Osamu furrows his eyebrows together, a sense of oddness and urgency coming to him because Kiyoomi doesn’t knock that way - even when it comes to announcing his presence, your brother tries to be as prim and respectful as possible, knocking only thrice before waiting for the door to be opened, another three when he thinks no one heard him from the inside. Hence why the continuous knocks annoyed the grey haired.

Still, he begrudgingly sauntered towards the door and opened it, mouth ready to scold the person in front of him but he got beaten to it, “Where’s Atsumu?”

In her usual get up, Yui stood, a very much obvious fake smile plastered on her face and Osamu wanted nothing but to grab her hair and drag her to the deepest parts of hell for making you suffer (no one gets to do that except for him, he’s the only one who has the ‘drinking buddy and best friend’ privilege’).

Mentally, he took a deep breath before mustering the most sincere smile he can give her (it’s strained and forced, he knows it deep down), “Hello, Yui-san. I don’t think today’s the best day to-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Yui shoved past him and walked inside the house, acting as if she owned it. Osamu watched her trudge her way towards the living room in disbelief, fists clenching so hard it was painful already. Oh dear lord, please… just for today, let me strangle this woman… I’m willing to spend the rest of my life in jail if it means I get to do that for YN.

“Atsumu-kun!” She squeals upon seeing the blonde, ungracefully throwing her whole body to him, much to his shock (and annoyance).

“Y-Yui? What the fuck?” He shoves her away from him and backs up, creating a space which makes Osamu cheer quietly and form a devilish smile. Obviously not expecting the unappreciated response to her actions, she huffs, “You didn’t have to push me that hard, jerk Atsumu! That hurt me!”

“Yui-san…” Atsumu sighed exasperatedly, “I’m not in the mood, okay? Just… just leave, please?”

Yui’s smile disappears from her face and soon, an angry expression replaces it, “You’re such an ungrateful asshole, Miya. I’m busy and here I am, making time for you and you’re telling me to leave? Me?! THE Yui you wanted so much before? How dare y-”

“I didn’t ask you to come here, didn’t I? Just fucking read the room, Yui. I don’t like you here, not right now, not ever. I’m sorry but whatever I thought before, I was wrong. So just fucking leave,” he spat, patience running dry because all he wanted was sulk his life away in the couch.

As if finally being enlightened by the current situation, Yui begins to laugh, “Oh. my. god. Did she finally tell you? Wait… did she actually cut your thread? That’s why you look so miserable right now?”

Atsumu stands up from the couch, disbelief all over his face, “You knew?!”

The girl continues to holler her ugly laugh, “Ah, so hilarious! Of fucking course, Atsumu! One look at her pathetic face and I knew. Hell, I didn’t even need a Moira to figure it out. It was so fun, acting all sweet with the clueless you… and there she is, on the verge of tears every time!”

She wipes the fake tears away from her eyes, “But I guess she got tired too. I mean… you’re just so dumb, Atsumu. So hopeless and so easy to play with,” her fingers trace his jawline, rolling her eyes and snickering when he slapped it away from him.

“Now that I think about it again, you two shouldn’t have played Cinderella. You fit more into the criteria of Sleeping Beauty… you’re like Aurora, was it? But like, without the cure of a kiss because you ruined your true love! That’s my curse for you!”

The blonde grits his teeth, tears uncontrollably falling down his cheeks despite his desperation to stop them. Yui sees it and lets out a fake coo, “Aww, look at you, crying. You must be feeling so guilty, huh? It’s okay, I’m here… I can be the princess you’ve always wanted. You just have to behave like the foolish little prince you are.”

Osamu curses, taking a step forward to drag the girl out of their home but a voice stops him from doing so, “Is it fun? Playing with people’s fates like toys?”

Yui and Atsumu whip their head towards the source of the voice and Osamu is filled with relief upon seeing your brother standing, an unamused look on his face. Clearly liking the attention she was getting, Yui replies, “Ooh, what are you all? Avengers for YN? Protection squad or something? But to answer your question, yes! I’m enjoying it very much… but that doesn’t concern you, does it, Sakusa-kun?”

Kiyoomi paused for a second, removing his shoes and leaving them by the door, walking nearer the two, not too close but just enough to show her his height and intimidate her somehow, “You’re right, it doesn’t. If anything, I’m glad it’s all over now so my sister doesn’t have to suffer in between your acts of foolishness. But for some reason,” he trails off, looking down at her and throwing a look of disgust, “I pity you - because your fate is just as fucked up as theirs - your soulmate doesn’t remember you too and looking at you right now, something is telling me that you regret it too… because you have no one left. No Iwaizumi, no Atsumu.”

Judging by the way she glared at him, Kiyoomi feels a sense of accomplishment for hitting right on the nail.

“You-!”

“How unfortunate, Yui-san… the spotlight is not on you anymore.”

Silence filled the house right after Yui rapidly walked out of the house, a string of curses for your brother flowing out of her mouth. But Kiyoomi couldn’t care any less; instead, he turns to Atsumu who was already looking at him in awe before snapping off his thoughts and mumbling, “Omi… uhm… thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for you,” is the only thing he replies, “I won’t do anything for you...”

Atsumu swallows harshly, the bitter truth making it hard for him to do so, “Right.”

“... at least not anymore after this one,” he finishes, handing the blonde some neatly folded documents. Osamu smiles from where he stood, side-leaning against the doorway leading to the kitchen, as if he already had an idea what the papers were for. His twin’s eyes scan them and as if by a miracle, a familiar glitter appears in them, accompanied by a hopeful expression as he lifts his head and looks at your brother.

“Omi, this…”

“Be ready in three months. I hope you’re not scared of riding planes.”

note. i'm so sorry for the very very long gap between these updates T_T i swear i'll try to update more frequently now, at least school's being less of an ass these days (don't say sike pls)

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu headcanons #atsumu x reader #iwaizumi headcanons #iwaizumi x reader #haikyuu smau #atsumu smau #iwaizumi smau #miya atsumu #iwaizumi hajime #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #hq x reader

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nobloodnoart · 3 years

Text

Long story short: i get bored pretty easily. I need to keep my mind occupied all the bloody time X) so I just thought one day: does Adam wear his coat all the time? Even for groceries? Even for the gym? Or walking with his (future) dog? Of course not!

So i decided to give myself quite a difficult art task: develop more casual look for Adam.

Firstly i had to set up the criteria for the style i'm going for and main functional features. This is what i came up with:

a> Style: techwear with some classical elements and maybe with a slight touch of renaissance fashion

b> Features: pockets to fit a box of cereal inside. But seriously, pockets to fit all the small stuff Adam might need (he's military after all), detachable sleeves (shouldn't explain that), comfortable cut and sporty shoes to run easily, something that covers all of his augmentations (to blend with the crowd), hood to hide his lush hair just in case; stomach area is reinforced with some thicker fabric coz its kinda his weak spot (are his guts augmented?)

My first step was go gather some references. I've watched a lot of videos to understand the logic of pockets and specially developed zips that allow you to take off your coat with one hand movement. I fell in love with ACRONYM design X) but oh lord it is expensive.....

My second step was creating some rough shape designs. So i came up with 2 designs for now and i hope to create more some day later.

DESIGN 1: more classy. Pants are inspired by the renaissance fashion and some Acronym pants, upper jacket is inspired by Adam's coat from MD. There're 2 cereal pockets on the pants.

DESIGN 2: more sporty. Jacket is Acronym inspired (especially that thing on his stomach) pants are just sporty with some pockets for cereal boxes.

These are sketches and i do intend to develop them further (coz they lack a lot of details) and maybe create some more. But please let me know, which one do you prefer more and why? Maybe you have some suggestions you can share? Thank you very much and have a nice day

#adamjensen #adam jensen #deusex #deusexuniverse #deus ex mankind divided #demd #deus ex fanart #deus ex human revolution #deus ex #design #character concept #concept art

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andreafmn · 3 years

Text

Running In Circles - Chapter 2

Word Count: 2,663

Characters: Female Reader Rossi Character, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Jennifer “JJ”Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia

Story Description: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Criminal Minds, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and CBS Network. The only thing I own is Arden Rossi, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 2/?

Chapter Description: The team goes back to work as Aaron Hotchner considers retiring from the team and spend time with his son. (Y/n) can’t help but provide emotional support for the Hotchner boys.

A/N: I enjoy angst and slow burns way too much XD. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

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Chapter 2

Once it was over, the interviews came. We knew the story. We lived it. The case was open and shut. They could try and make us pint it all on Hotch, the easy way out, but we knew better. And we would stand next to our unit chief whatever the price.

Haley’s funeral was no easier than being at the scene. It was a somber day and the sadness was imprinted in us. We all walked with dropped shoulders and a tight chest. I stood between Derek and Reid, using Morgan as support because I felt that my legs would give out at any moment. My father stood behind me rubbing circles on my back to comfort me. As we laid the roses on top of the casket, we laid to rest the life of Haley, a woman I only knew through the loving words Hotch spoke of.

The group did not know what to do to help the heartbroken man. It would take time to heal even just the smallest bit of his heart. All we could hope for was that he would come back to the team.

At the worst possible moment, the phone rings. No other team available and someone in need, we had to go to work. We all rolled our eyes or shook our heads; this was the job. But would it be the same without him?

I went to Hotch before we left and gave him a hug.

“Call me if you guys need anything,” he said.

“Just take care of your son,” I smiled, and he softly returned one of his own. I squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and left to join the team.

On the plane, we were caught up with the case. We stored all our feelings and got the machines running. We needed to finish this quickly and perfectly.

Two women, both brunettes and young, high-powered executives, murdered in their own homes, the floor around them decorated with flower petals. After Emily and Derek visited the crime scene, we had another part of the puzzle, the unsub was stalking his victims. Everything just seemed so perfect and staged, there was no way he was not prepared.

I stayed with JJ in the station working on the announcement and trying to figure something else from the details provided and the crime scene photos, but JJ could see my head wasn’t in it completely for the first time.

“Hey,” she said, taking my attention from the piece of paper I had been eyeing for the past five minutes. “What’s on your mind? Talk to me.”

“Is it wrong that I feel bad for being here?” I sighed. “Working like nothing’s happened.”

“Of course not, we all feel a bit guilty,” she smiled. “I know you most of all.”

My eyes opened in shock.

“Oh, come on, (Y/N). Everyone knows you have a not-so-secret crush on Hotch,” she laughed. “The only one that can’t see it is him. And probably your dad. Parents can be quite oblivious to their children’s feelings in this way.”

My head flew into my hands to cover the embarrassment that was flooding my cheeks. It was one thing to assume the whole team knew, another was to have it confirmed.

“It’s okay, (Y/N), we’ll see what comes of it. What I can say is that you can’t let this stop you from doing your job.”

She smiled one last time and it was all I needed to push Aaron Hotchner to the back of my mind and bring the case forward.

“Find anything?” My father asked entering the small room at the police station, Reid following behind.

“Several people had access to each home,” I said rubbing my temple. “Housekeeper, gardener, pool cleaner, dog walker…”

“Each with their own key and an alibi to match,” JJ added, an annoyed tone rolling off her tongue.

“Any crossover?”

“None. We even vetted delivery people and utility workers.” I sighed.

“Garcia, do you have anything?” Reid said, sitting down.

“There’s no hits at the prints at all. But I did what Sir Derek there asked, and I created a paper trail,” Penny explained. “There’s no cross-over between the two victims themselves in the weeks leading up to their murders, but they did run in similar circles.”

Penelope continued to explain how both victims lived quite a lavish and high-class lifestyle as Emily and Derek joined us. We figured this man would fit right in this crowd. Educated, intelligent, a gentleman. What we had yet to pinpoint was how the unsub entered the homes with no signs of forced entry. It was clear we were not going to make any headway tonight and Derek knew it too. So, he decided we should be done for the day and we would come back tomorrow well-rested and with fresh eyes.

That night I laid in the bed of my hotel room staring at the ceiling. All I could think of was Hotch and everything he was going through. I could only imagine.

And as if by fate, my phone rang. Aaron Hotchner.

“Hello?”

“Oh,” Hotch said surprised. “Did I wake you?”

“No, I haven’t been able to sleep.”

“How come?”

“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I guess I’m just worried about you.”

He chuckled softly. “You really shouldn’t.”

“But I do, Hotch.”

He stayed silent, only his slow breathing was heard through the phone.

“Did I fail her?” He asked after some minutes of comfortable silence.

“Absolutely not.”

“I promised her that I would catch Foyet and spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”

“And you still can.”

“But” he exhaled loudly. “How?”

“By being the best father you can be to Jack and continue living your life in the best way you can.”

“You know, Dave told me that I had to figure out what kind of father I wanted to be and then I’d know what to do. But I have no idea what that is.”

“Hotch…”

“I’m serious,” he interrupted. “I don’t know what kind of father I am. I catch killers. I save lives. I’m a hero until my key hits the front door, and then I’m just the father who’s never there. Haley was raising Jack all by herself and that was my support blanket. I was able to do my job because I knew he was cared for by another parent. A better parent.”

He sobbed softly as the last words escaped his mouth.

“I’m going to stop you right there,” I said, trying my best not to sound angry. “To that little boy, you are the only real hero that exists. He knows that when you’re not home it’s because you’re out here catching the bad guys like Foyet and making the world better for his sake. He knows that everything you do is out of love for him.

You know, when I was little my dad was absent quite a lot because of this job, but there was one thing that I knew for sure, that he loved me more than anything and that he worked better and faster because he wanted to come back home to me. And never ever have I resented him for leaving and catching the bad guys. He’s the reason I became an FBI agent.

You are an amazing father and anything you choose will be the right thing for Jack.”

After a minute of sobs, Hotch started to calm down.

“Thank you, (Y/N). You have no idea how much I needed that right now,” he cleared his throat. “How’s the case going?”

“Nope,” I laughed. “Not going to talk about the case.”

“Really?” He chuckled.

“Yes, Hotch. Take a breather. You deserve it.”

“Okay, okay,” he said, and I could hear his smile through the phone.

We had been talking for about an hour when I heard him yawn.

“Seems you’re getting sleepy there, Hotchner.” I laughed. “We should both get some rest. If it’s 3 am over here it must be 2 am in Washington. So, good night and see you soon.”

“Good night, (Y/N). Again, thank you. Sweet dreams.” And he hung up.

And finally, I drifted to sleep.

The next morning, we were up and ready for business.

“We believe our unsub is already with his next victim,” my father started. “If he matches the patter, she’ll be a successful woman, probably brunette, early 30s to mid-40s. She’ll be at home in Nashville’s upper echelon.”

“This means that he fits in,” I explained. “He drives the right car, he wears the right clothes, he’s highly intelligent. He probably comes from a place of status.”

“This guy’s sociable and he’s endearing,” said Morgan. “You would never suspect that this man is capable of murder. But he will do whatever it takes to protect the fantasy that he’s trying to relive.”

“It’s this fantasy which fuels his drive. He’s reliving a romantic evening and recreating it with each of his victims.”

“He most likely had a relationship taken away from him,” Derek crossed his arms. “So, look at men who have lost loved ones or have gone through a messy divorce.”

After finishing with the profile, we set out to establishments that fit the criteria to possibly get a suspect. As we worked, we got a call. Another crime scene, but this one was different.

A male victim. Overkill on the female. Something made him change his M.O.

Out in the garage, Reid and I looked for any sort of clues and I noticed his sight direct to the car. There may be another way we could connect the victims and how the unsub made their way into their homes.

Finally, Garcia had something with the hunch Spencer had figured. She overlaid all the geographical routes the victims had taken against the geo profile to show what we were missing with any paper trail. Although it was not a clear answer, Erika Silverman was the only one that did not fit the extravagant lifestyle and she only went and came from her work or her home. Except on Tuesday, where she went to the Botanical Gardens, what was she doing there? JJ, Reid, and I left for the gardens to find out.

And just as we had suspected, there had been an event to which Erika had attended. And a puzzle piece revealed itself.

“An event up here would be a hard sell for women in heels,” JJ commented.

“Well, most of our private events hire valets to drive the cars down to the base of the park so they don’t have to hike it up the hill.”

“Who had access to your keys but goes unseen?” Reid asked.

“And to your GPS,” I added.

“Dealerships program your home address into the navigation system before your car even leaves the lot.”

“He had turn-by-turn directions straight to her front door and the keys to get him inside,” I pointed.

We now had how he got his victims and how he entered their house without force. Now, all we had to do was pinpoint his next victim and see who he was.

JJ was instructed to get dad and Prentiss to pick up the owner of the valet service used in the event, and Derek, Reid, and I stayed behind to canvass the employees. We could catch this guy in action unless he had already gotten his next victim.

Joe Belser. That was our unsub. With the profile, the owner was able to point out the suspect quickly. And off we were.

JJ, Reid, and I headed to the venue and the rest of the team went to Belser’s house. He wasn’t in the apartment, but they had found the meaning behind the roses and universal garage door openers. In the venue, Reid called Garcia to see which of the VIP guests could be the next potential victim.

Ann Herron was the next victim, and he was already at her house.

“FBI! PUT IT DOWN!” Derek screamed, blinding Joe with his flashlight. I walked in from behind Derek and kneed Belser’s stomach. He fell to the ground groaning and Emily grabbed the man by the throat to immobilize him.

“Fantasy’s over,” she spat. “Is that what you did to them? You hit them to shut them up and then forced them to play along with your sick delusion?”

“I love them,” Joe said sinisterly.

“You’re finally gonna meet your soulmate, Joe,” I added from behind Prentiss. “In prison.”

“Only you’re not gonna be able to push him around like you did those women,” Emily continued. “And when he comes for you in the middle of the night, when you’re least expecting it, you do me a favor. Play along.”

She stood the man up forcibly and put him in handcuffs and I went outside to check on the victim.

“How is she?” Derek asked walking out of the house with my father.

“She’s strong,” I said closing the ambulance door. “She’ll make it. But you don’t survive something like that without scars.”

“Scars remind us where we’ve been,” my father commented. “They don’t have to dictate where we’re going.”

He put his arm around my shoulders and kissed my head as we walked back to the SUVs, finally on our way home.

The next day, I called up my dad so he would accompany me to Haley’s grave. Something told me I had to go. At the cemetery, I saw what the pull was. Sitting in front of the headstone less grave was Hotch. I walked up to him first, my father close behind. Hotch lifted his head and stared into my eyes, sitting up slightly.

“I had a feeling I’d find you here,” I spoke softly. “Have you told her yet?”

“Told her what?” He mused.

“That you’re coming back to the team,” my father joined his left side. Hotch looked at him. “That fighting the bad guys is who you are.”

Hotch lowered his head and shook it. “I don’t have to tell her. She already knows.”

I squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and gave him a soft smile. My father did the same and walked to my side, so we’d retreat, giving Hotch some space.

“So, do you want me to drive you back to your house?” My father asked.

“No,” I smiled. “I’m gonna stay with Hotch for a bit and then I’ll go home.”

“Okay, darling.” He kisses the top of my head. “I’ll pick you up on Monday then. Ciao, Mia Bella.”

“Bye, dad.”

Once my dad left, I sat down on a bench and waited for Hotch.

“(Y/N), you’re still here?” Hotch questioned with a smile on his face.

“Yeah, thought you might want some company.”

“Truthfully,” he chuckled. “I do. Thank you.”

“How about this, we pick up Jack, you guys come over and I crack open a present I had for Jack.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he motioned me to his car. “Let’s go.”

We drove quietly to his apartment, only the low volume of the radio and the sound of our breathing could be heard. It didn’t take long to arrive at the complex, where he opened the car door for me and led me upstairs. Inside apartment #121, was Jessica Brooks, Haley’s sister, and Jack playing a card game.

“(Y/N)!” Jack screamed as soon as I walked through the door, running to give me a hug.

“Hey, buddy!” I hugged back.

“Hotch, you’re back,” she exclaimed. “Good to see you again, (Y/N).”

“Good to see you, too,” I smiled. “How you holding up?”

“As good as I can be.” She answered as she began to gather her things. “Well, I’ll see you soon. Bye, little guy.”

“Bye, Aunt Jessica.”

“Bye, guys.” She said as she left.

“Hey, little man,” I directed to Jack. “I’ve got an idea.”

“What is it?”

“How about you to pack a go-bag and you and dad come over so we can open a present I have for you?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed as he sped off to his room to pack.

“I think you should go help him,” I smiled at Hotch. “If I have any memory of being a kid, they’re not very good at packing.”

“Yeah,” he grinned. “Maybe I should.”

I waited for both father and son to pack for the night asking myself why I was putting myself in this position. Growing closer to a man I had a 0% chance with. But I couldn’t help it. All in all, he was my friend, and he needed all the support he could get.

<- Previous | Next->

A/N: if you wish to be tagged for the next parts, please let me know. I’d be happy to. <3

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currently-hyperfixating · 3 years

Text

Danganronpa imagines #1

(this is my first imagines post, i was reading them late last night and wanted to make one of my own)

scenario suggested by my friend:

V3 Boys Who’s S/O Cries Upon Receiving Head Pats (minus Ryoma cus I have no idea how to write him)

Gonta Gokuhara:

he thought he hurt you the poor thing

“did Gonta pat S/O too hard? are they alright? Gonta tried to be gentle, he promises!”

he holds you until you stop crying for long enough to explain it to him

he doesnt really understand at first but after some explaining he seems to get it

“it like how you have to be careful before touching some bugs, even though they really pretty”

him saying that almost sets you off crying again

he always asks if he can touch you from that day forward

and when he does hug you, he holds you like you’re the most fragile butterfly in the world

K1-B0:

he just kind of, stands there for a minute

it takes him a second to process what happened

but once he does he apologises profusely

he holds his arms open, in case you want a hug

once you’ve calmed down enough and explained it to him, he looks like he understands it pretty quickly

“oh, its not that I understand. it’s that theres a lot of things I dont understand, so I'm hoping I can at least learn from this experience”

he does loads of research on boundaries so he can learn when he goes too far

when he does come across the concept of touch starvation, he instantly knows it fits you and starts giving you more affection

he always asks you first of course

“it has come to my attention that you have missed out on a good deal of human contact, and whilst I am not human, I hope I can be of some help”

Kaito Momota:

he screamed

his immediate reaction is to check your head in case you fell over and he touched a sore spot

by the time he’s convinced your scalp is okay, you’ve stopped crying enough to explain

he instantly knows that you’re touch starved

of course Shuichis best friend knows what that means

he decides to remedy this by hugging you until he’s convinced that he’s squeezed all the sadness out

he might have squeezed an organ out if you hadn’t insisted he put you down

he still instinctively goes to hold your hand or put an arm round you, but will hesitate when he catches himself. scanning your face for discomfort before carrying on

you didnt think it was possible, but he somehow gets more affectionate

Kokichi Oma:

you thought he would tease you, but he’s actually surprisingly gentle when you start crying

he wipes away your tears and brushes any loose hairs out your face

“hey nooowww, I know I'm great and everything, but I hardly think I warrant that kind of reaction”

you end up being the one apologising to him, trying to explain yourself through sobs

he shushes you and gives you time to calm down before you talk

once you are able to explain, he gives you a wide smile

he knows just the place for you, D.I.C.E!

his organisation is basically one big family, so you’ll never feel alone again

besides, he’s been looking for a right-hand man for forever! and you would fit the criteria perfectly

you thank him for the offer, but inform him that he’s all you need for the time being

he still insists you meet D.I.C.E someday, maybe when you take him to meet your family

Korekiyo Shinguji:

He instantly knows whats up

he knows the feeling all too well. he had to deal with it for so long before finding you

you’re like two peas in a pod, except he’s much better at hiding his emotions

“ah, S/O, my apologies. I was not aware that you had also been lacking in human contact for so long”

he holds you until you calm down, probably to calm himself down as well, you can hear his heart practically vibrating

you both make an effort to be more open to affection after that.

its weird to be the one initiating things like hugs sometimes, but you quickly get used to it

and Kiyo quickly gets more and more affectionate

“to have created something like you, that can turn mans heart away from the past with a single touch, humanity truly is beautiful”

Rantaro Amami:

big brother mode activate

his first instinct when you start crying is to pick you up and let you hold onto him like a koala

he does run his fingers through your hair without realising, which is probably why you get used to that form of affection so quickly

by the time you’ve stopped crying, you’re only able to explain yourself in a whisper, head resting on his shoulder

he understands what you mean instantly

“you haven't felt contact in a long time, and now that you are it all seems so new and scary. but I'm here to help you through it. do you want me to put you down now?”

you do not want to be put down

so for the rest of the day Rantaro walks around with you clinging to him

he does eventually move you onto his back so he can walk better, but he doesnt seem to mind. as long as you feel safe.

Shuichi Saihara:

he thinks he took it too far

you’re both apologising to each other, before Shuichi realises that maybe you should calm down first.

he kind of awkwardly holds out his arms in case you want a hug

you do indeed want a hug, which he was not at all expecting

you just kind of sit in silence for a while

by the time you can speak Shuichi feels so guilty that he’s almost crying himself

you laugh a little and wipe away the newly formed tears in his eyes

he smiles at your laugh, how could he not?

you explain to him that he didnt do anything wrong, you just weren't really expecting it and you hadn't exactly had someone show you affection in a while

he appears saddened by this

from that day on, he would make an effort to show you more affection when he could. he was still really awkward and god forbid he ever so much as hugged you in public, but he was trying none the less and thats all you need

#danganronpa #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa V3 #gonta gokuhara #Keebo #K1-B0 #kaito momota #kokichi oma #kokichi ouma #korekiyo shinguji #rantaro amami #shuichi saihara #remys imagines #danganronpa killing harmony

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imaginedhaven · 4 years

Text

Reluctantly Rooming: Part Nine

Link to Masterpost

I’ve been neglecting this fic! This chapter is a little shorter, both so I could get back into it and because this is kind of filler that sets up the next part (which I’m very excited about). But I hope you enjoy regardless!

Today’s prompts:

“I can’t believe you eat pineapple on pizza…what sort of monster are you?”

and

Rowan reading/editing smut

~*~*~

Aelin laughed nervously from her position under the smoke detector. “Um, I can explain?”

The beeping stopped as he reached the chair on which she was standing, and with steady hands on her hips he helped her down from her perch. “Explain later,” he said. “Gods, I’m just glad you’re okay.”

She looked up and met green eyes bright with enough worry that she bit her lip in a fit of nerves. “I’m sorry,” she replied. “I just wanted to do something nice, and I’m pretty sure at this point we both know that I should never be trusted with cooking. I just thought…”

Her voice trailed off as she found herself hugged against his chest. “I’ll appreciate the thought once I’m more awake, probably,” he reassured her. “Just… wait, is the stove still on?”

“Um…” Aelin was struggling to remember at this point. “Probably? I just kind of took the pan and threw it in the sink.”

“Which explains the clattering noise. Okay.” He let go of her to turn the burner off and start cleaning out the pan, and for just a moment she felt a sense of loss before her brain caught up with her.

“Wait,” she called. “Shit, I can clean that.”

“Please just let me.” His voice sounded so strained, and she wasn’t sure if it was the situation in general or the way she must’ve horribly mangled his cookware.

“Is there anything I can do?”

He only shook his head and scrubbed harder, and she quietly slipped away into the living room.

Gods, she had ruined everything. She had meant to do something nice for him, and instead she had woken him up in probably the worst way possible. Not to mention the fact that she had created more work for him and maybe even ruined one of their pans. Why had she thought this was a good idea, again?

She steadfastly ignored the traitorous voice in her head that suggested that she knew exactly why she had tried to do this. It didn’t know what it was talking about.

Finally, she realized that she had to do something. After all, if she didn’t intervene he’d most likely go straight from scrubbing away her mistakes to properly cooking them… lunch, she realized with a glance at the clock. She may not be able to cook to save her life, but she could definitely make sure they had food without him cooking it.

She grinned. Her cooking skills were subpar at best, but her texting thumbs were in perfect working order.

Aelin crept back into the kitchen, watching for a moment as the muscles of Rowan’s back rippled under his shirt with the force of his scrubbing. Finally, though, she tore her gaze away and focused her eyes on the back of his head. “Hey, I was going to order pizza. You want any?”

Rowan set the pan down and turned to face her with a smirk. “Only if it has pineapple on it.”

Aelin was positive her jaw was about to hit the floor. “Pineapple?” she asked, voice sounding weak to her own ears.

“That’s not a problem, is it?” Gods, he was looking so impossibly smug. And it was about pineapple, on all things. Was this a habit he’d developed simply to be ornery? She wouldn’t put it past him.

“Of course not,” she said, forcing as much saccharine sweetness as she could into her voice. “Why would it be a problem to cater to the whims of a monster who thinks pineapple belongs on pizza?”

“It’s sweet, tart, and relatively nutritious for a pizza topping.” Of course that would be his most important criteria when evaluating toppings for pizza. Why wouldn’t it be?

Aelin sighed. “I can’t believe you eat pineapple on pizza. What sort of monster are you? I mean, I knew you were a grumpy old buzzard, but this?”

As she spoke, though, she pulled up a delivery app on her phone. She had to take a few deep breaths before she did it, but she selected pineapple as a topping. She’d just have to get two pizzas. It was fine. They’d have leftovers.

She hit the button to order the pizzas and smiled. Even though she was pretty sure Rowan was messing with her, it was still nice to do something for him in exchange for all of the things he’d been doing for her lately. Even if it meant ordering a pizza she was confident was never meant to exist.

~*~*~

Later that evening, Aelin kicked her feet up onto the arm of the couch and tugged a blanket around her shoulders. “I still can’t believe you actually ate that awful pizza,” she muttered as she sorted through the movies she had available to watch.

Rowan hummed in response, clearly distracted, and she glanced over at him to find him still at work in the armchair. The glow of his laptop’s screen was reflected in his glasses… wait.

“Do you actually need glasses? I hardly ever see you with them.”

He frowned up at her for a moment before returning his focus to the screen. “They cut down on blue light. I don’t need them to see, but I’ll get a headache if I stare at this screen for too long without them.”

“Are you sure it’s not for vanity? Like, so you look like an editor?”

“Is there a point to this, or can I get back to work?” He sounded frustrated, but judging by the way he was glaring at the screen and not at her there was a good chance his anger was reserved for the work he was editing.

“Go for it.” Well, if he was going to be focusing on his work instead of her movie, she wouldn’t ask for his opinion. She set up a period romance and stood to find snacks.

As she passed by him, she chanced a glance at his screen and then paused, transfixed by the sight before her. Was that…?

It was. Rowan was editing smut. In the same room as her, no less, with no visible embarrassment.

She couldn’t keep silent. “I’m surprised,” she said as Rowan startled in the chair before her. “You were reading this the whole time? With a straight face, no less.”

Rowan shrugged. “It’s part of the job. Usually it’s not mine, but I’m taking on a project for someone who’s on vacation right now.”

“Oh.” She supposed that made sense; even romance novels went though some amount of editing, and she supposed someone had to do that work. There was a difference, though, between knowing that objectively someone had to edit this sort of book and watching Rowan pull up an annotation in his file to write Breasts don’t work like this with angrily pressed keys.

As she read the passage that had irritated Rowan so, she laughed. “I mean, you’re right, but I’m surprised you just knew what was wrong with it.”

Rowan lifted an eyebrow, eyes not leaving the screen. “And why would that be? I may not have them, but I can assure you I’ve been in physical relationships with people who have. Anyone who’s seen them for longer than about five seconds should know that.”

Aelin choked on air, wheezing and clutching at the top of the armchair. Of course, she had known distantly that the odds Rowan had been completely celibate were low. He’d never brought anyone home, though, so she’d been able to put any thoughts of her once-hated roommate having sex out of her mind. Now she was being confronted with the knowledge that he had, and she didn’t know what to do with it.

Finally, she managed to speak. “I’m gonna make some tea. Do you want any?”

Again, he didn’t look up from his work. “That depends. Is operating the electric kettle within your skillset, or are you going to try to burn down the kitchen again?”

“Och! I don’t know why I offered,” she grumbled.

Before she could leave, though, Rowan reached up and grabbed her wrist, finally turning green eyes onto her. “I was teasing, and if you’re making tea and there’s extra I’ll happily accept it.”

As she watched, something softened in his expression, and she wordlessly nodded before fleeing to the relative safety of the kitchen before taking a deep breath. Yes, it was better in here. No roommate casually talking about sex. No stupidly attractive roommate lounging before her with those stupid glasses as he worked. Gods, she’d even forgotten to make fun of him for wearing glasses he didn’t strictly speaking need. She was a mess.

Yes, tea was the correct decision.

It was an easy enough process that even Aelin couldn’t mess it up, and soon boiling water was poured over two teabags in mugs. Shit, it hadn’t been nearly long enough; she wasn’t sure she was ready to face Rowan again.

But face him she would. He would be back to ignoring her soon enough, and she could survive a few moments of interaction before starting her movie. And so she took another deep breath before grabbing both mugs and walking back out into the living room.

Rowan smiled up at her as she delivered his. “Thank you.”

Gods, but that smile was too much after their earlier conversation. She managed a nod at him before practically fleeing back to her couch with her own mug of steaming tea and pressing play on her movie.

The familiar beats of one of her favorite movies began immediately, and she slowly relaxed into the pile of throw pillows and blankets she’d accumulated. As she’d predicted, Rowan turned his attention back to his work as soon as the movie began.

However, throughout the night she could’ve sworn on more than one occasion that his gaze strayed to her instead, and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. For now, it would have to be one more thing to carefully not think about.

~*~*~

Tagging:

@ireallyshouldsleeprn @queen-of-glass @fangirlprincess09 @sassys-world @morganofthewildfire @superspiritfestival @perseusannabeth @sis-it-dont-add-up @jlinez @julemmaes @emilyoftheshadows @thegoddessofyou @mymultiversee @swankii-art-teacher @rowansfirebringer @rabodocardan- your tag isn’t working! Sorry! @courtofjurdan @danibutterr @woollycat22

#haven writes #rowaelin #reluctantly rooming

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