#men hot and I wanna get [redacted]

[wanhedas-dagger]

Me between 13-18: I literally cannot imagine dating a guy. Nope. Sounds wrong. Not for me. 0/10. Terrible thought.

Me between 19-22: Hmmm no I see the appeal but I don’t think I’d ever date a guy or want to be that intimate with one. I’m wayyy more into women and just femininity in general. That’ll never change.

Me now at 24: *has all dating app preferences set to men only* *cant picture myself long term with a woman anymore* *fantasies consist of men and generally masculine folks* Well fuck how did this happen?

[meowzfordayz]

analysis (; — hashira men

Author’s Note: took this not-actually-a-prompt and got carried away heh... 😌

analysis (; — hashira men

Himejima Gyomei x Reader, Iguro Obanai x Reader, Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Word Count: ~2,200

CW: 18+NSFW, degrading language, explicit language, Fem!Reader, oral, spit, squirting

Thirst Fulfilled: I NEED someone to settle an argument between me and a friend-

Do you think sanemi has a big [redacted]-

Because I KNOW he is packing a huge one.

Ps I’m sorry but I don’t know who else to ask 😭

~faqs~

Update as of 12 May 2023: A foreword that these headcanons are first and foremost indulgent !! 😌 They are not intended to be realistic. They’re supposed to be fun. Hot. 🥵 Within the realm of possibility, but not ~normal. 😉

Dick so big it has him blushing 🤭

—I mean, c’mon: Look at him 😳

That being said, it’s also very pretty — not monstrous or scary (besides its size heh)

A nice, rounded head that oozes precum throughout foreplay, sensitive and rosy pink as you flick your tongue across it, thick and heavy balls tightening at the breathy moan in your throat

A delicate vein curves from its base to the underside of the tip, thankfully not too pronounced, bc it’ll stretch you out enough regardless

Speaking of stretch…

Your fingers can barely wrap around its girth — it’s much easier to drool and lap at the shaft than commit to anything close to deep throating (unless your jaw stamina’s through the roof 👀)

Doesn’t exactly groom himself, but that isn’t too much of an issue since it’s not like his pubic hair’s getting in your way too often (re: dick too huge to regularly deepthroat) 

As for length, Gyomei’s in the ball park of ~reasonable (10 inches when erect), but it still requires a hell of a lot of prep before you’re fully seated on his cock, ass flush against his flexed thighs while large, sweaty hands grip your hips in a feeble attempt to restrain himself from immediately thrusting into your dimly throbbing cervix

“This okay?” he murmurs, thumbs pressing firmly into the softness of your skin, low groan caught in his chest at the suffocating heat of your pussy, your shaky, faintly pained breaths keeping his desire in check

“Take as much time as you need,” as you use his stomach to steady yourself, muscles rippling beneath your palms

“You feel wonderful,” whispered gently—patient as ever—even as he longs to raise your trembling body up and almost off of his cock, only to fuck the air out of your lungs w/ a single, smooth drop of your wanton weight, unsuspecting wail music to his ears as you convulse in orgasm at the overwhelming pressure of his cock stuffing your puffy walls

Obanai’s closer to average, but he isn’t small (at least, his dick isn’t 😆 #short king)

Def a grower, slim, veiny shaft elongating (to ~6 inches) as you stroke him w/ a practiced flick of your wrist

Not exactly related to his dick, but he also def growls during foreplay, needy and eager to melt into you and to ruin you — just depends on his mood, yanno?

His head is the kind of head that you almost wanna chomp 🤗, all squishy, bulbous, and fat, quickly reddening and weeping precum, making a mess of your fingers

Perfect lubrication for touching yourself while sucking him off, gleam in his eyes at how filthy you are

Typically can’t be bothered to trim his pubic hair, but it doesn’t get especially long anyway — more so coarse and curly

His shaft doesn’t stretch you out significantly, sliding easily into your slick heat, hovering above you as his hands keep your legs parted widely, “You like being splayed out for me, hm?” pinching lightly at your inner thigh, grinning smugly as you whimper contently, “My precious plaything.”

But it (his shaft) does have a wicked, upward curve, tip grinding firm and repetitive against the spongy bundle of nerves deep in your pussy

And its veins 🤤

What he lacks in girth, he makes up for in texture

Plus, Obanai 11/10 fucks aggressive and erratic, pubic bone flush to your clit, friction delicious and constant as he thrusts full force into your hole, sweat dripping from his brow onto your clavicle, his eyes narrowed in lust and passion, balls slapping sticky against your asshole, less concerned about hurting you since he’s aware that he isn’t ~the biggest guy on the block

Altho, if he’s tired, then he lowkey enjoys you on top, edging him w/ every slow and steady undulation of your hips, your tits pressed warm and hot to his chest as he clings to you and the squelch of your cunt

For whatever reason, my immediate thought was: Raging! Hard! On! 😂😍

Kyojuro’s absolutely packing, but still decently proportionate to his stature (177cm aka 5’10”)

—Bc, contrary to porn-pular belief, comically large dicks hurt 😒💀

8 inches erect, and a sizeable bulge when flaccid

—Never thought I’d use this term, bc (imo) it’s hot when I’m horny, but 🥴 when I’m ~sober 😆…

BREEDER BALLS

As much as Kyojuro loves worshiping your pussy, he might love when you worship his balls more 🤭

You kissing, sucking, licking his balls while he jerks himself off = 100% orgasm guarantee

Drooling on his shiny, reddening tip, your spit trickling down between his fingers, making a mess of your lips as you return to fondling his balls w/ your mouth?

110% orgasm guarantee

Prefers cumming on your tits, btw — will stave off his orgasm until you can get ~in position ☺️

Nothing like an even messier round two 😎

Bc, ofc, he is more than happy to reciprocate the pleasure 💞

W/ enough girth to warrant a gradual sinking (vs an abrupt thrust to the hilt), his shaft fills you breathless, its last couple of inches just barely fitting into your heat

“Can’t believe you’re already hard again,” you giggle delightedly, eyes hazy as he smears his cum across your nipple, throbbing head pressing deeper into your pussy, “You’re insatiable, I swear.”

A heady groan is his only response, gaze bright and attentive as always, reaching for your hand, dipping your thumb into his cum splatter, tasting himself on your skin as he maintains eye contact

“Fuck,” you gasp, pussy clenching at his nonchalance, tongue swiping subconsciously along your bottom lip

“Taste?” he offers, enthusiastic tone muted by the determined pressure of him lapping at your other nipple, his cum bitter and warm as he kisses you sloppy and needy, grip gentle on your jaw as he inhales your scent

And then you whisper Umai!

One word: brutal 😵‍💫

Not bc he’s ridiculously hung (i.e. Gyomei), but bc he’s ridiculously good (at using his dick)

—I actually headcanon Sanemi being a ~bashful virgin (sex can be intimate, and intimacy can be scary, but he loves you, so if that means being soft and scared w/ you… then he’s willing to go there 🥺🤍), buuut once he’s comfortable/well practiced?

—😈😈😈

Not much of a show-er when flaccid (and absolutely, positively shriveled when cold 😂), but an ideal 7 inches when erect w/ girth in between Gyomei and Kyojuro (slimmer than Gyo, thicker than Kyo)

His tip seems to get ~angrier the longer you tease him, going from an almost cute pink to an engorged, lustful red — def the hardest part about fitting him in your pussy, breath catching every time he finally slips into your dripping hole

Which, he has to get you dripping before attempting to penetrate, or at least use lube, bc rushed sex + his dick = not super enjoyable

Alternatively, he’ll facefuck you to get his dick wet enough for your pussy, 7 inches manageable, albeit veering on unpleasant, your nails digging into his flexed ass as he shoves himself languid and satisfied into your mouth, head twitching and leaking precum down the back of your throat whenever you gag on his length

“Watch your teeth,” he grunts lowly, tugging warningly at your hair, swallowing a moan as his cock muffles your whimper, eyes watering at his roughness, “Don’t make me gag and choke you,” calloused fingers brushing soothingly—promisingly—at your neck

In terms of pubic hair, he keeps it neatly trimmed, but not clean shaven: he likes hearing—seeing—the filthy mess of your saliva, tears, and precum as he fucks up and into your pussy

“Is this fast enough for you?” he snarls, your body balanced precariously atop his pelvis, grip nearly bruising on your hips as he smirks knowingly, “Obviously not,” pace frenzied as you moan raggedly, “If you’re still moaning like a whore, then it isn’t fast enough.”

Feet shifting beneath him in search of a different angle, grin triumphant and deadly as you shout silently, head tilted backward, tits bouncing in mesmerizing sync w/ his thrusts

“There we go,” he murmurs, balls tightening at your fucked out expression, “There’s my perfect cunt, squeezing all pathetic and hopeless around my cock,” stamina never ending, pussydrunk on the feeling of you, “Can’t wait for you to cum on my cock, gonna make this cunt so fucking sloppy.”

The prettiest dick 😭

—Ik I mentioned Gyomei’s dick being pretty too, but Giyuu takes pretty to another lvl 🥺

Aka Giyuu has the Goldilocks Cock™ 💀

Just shy of 7 inches, w/ thin veins that curl neat and yummy around his shaft — which, btw, is thick enough to have you pushing on his shoulders Slowly, p-please as the tip catches on your entrance, his eyes hooded and glassy as he ignores you in favor of thrusting in further Sorry not sorry at all You feel so g-good

A faint shudder trembles down his spine, pooling in his groin, traveling along his girth, head twitching in the viscous grip of your heat

Maintains a tidy patch of pubic hair, delicate happy trail tantalizing and subtle whenever he stretches 🥱

As for his balls… once again: Goldilocks Balls™ 🤤

Optimally sized for sucking into your mouth, hanging beautifully even, downy hairs tickling your nose as he cups the back of your head, quiet groans spilling from his cherry bitten lips as you glance toward his fluttering lashes, your vision obscured by the muscle of his tensed inner thigh

Giyuu’s fave position? 

—for these headcanons, at least 😆

Cowgirl 🤠 #yee #haw

Your pussy clings to his shaft like a greedy vice, creamy essence smearing from your swollen folds to his lower abdomen, tits presented as you arch backward, using his legs to steady yourself as you fuck yourself on his (perfect) cock

“Touch yourself,” he demands softly, spreading your asscheeks w/ surprisingly cool hands, easily supporting your weight, eyes closing at the satisfying smack of your skin bouncing against his

“Touch yourself till you cum,” his biceps hardly straining as you chase your orgasm, rhythm smooth and delectable, “I want to feel you fall apart,” murmured slick and gentle, in stark contrast to the lewd squish of his balls tapping your asshole

“C’mon sweetheart, fall apart for me, so gorgeous on my cock, love feeling you gush all over me.”

—I pondered long and hard about Tengen’s dick (both puns intended 🤗)

—Lemme organize my thoughts for a sec…

—Girth (from wide to slim): Gyomei, Tengen, Sanemi, Kyojuro, Giyuu, Obanai

—Length (from long to ~short): Gyomei, Tengen, Kyojuro, Sanemi, Giyuu, Obanai

In other words, as the second tallest, Tengen also happens to be the second biggest 🙃

—I initially considered putting him behind Kyo in terms of length, but 198cm aka 6’6” vs 177cm aka 5’10”... the math just wouldn’t have mathed 😆

Erect, Tengen measures a solid 9 inches, and if Obanai’s dick is veiny, then Tengen’s dick = veins GALORE 😵

“Even my dick is flashy! 😎” “It has ✨decor✨!”

His shaft bends slightly downward (blame gravity — his dick’s so fucking heavy 😌), so certain positions can be a bit tricky, but damn if he doesn’t rearrange your insides 🤪

Def enjoys being the center of attention, fucking slow and confident into your stretched out hole, dirty talk muffled by Makio’s thighs as he maintains a steady rhythm licking her folds, Hina’s index finger slim and practiced as she stimulates your clit, Suma’s tongue gliding wet and hot against Tengen’s taint

“What was that?” Makio coos, eyes twinkling as she grinds firmly onto Tengen’s mouth, “We can’t understand you dear,” squealing when he smacks her tits, “You seem a bit preoccupied, try speaking up.”

“S-shit,” you gasp, gripping Hina’s hand, pressure building as Tengen thrusts sharply into you, “D-don’t encourage him Makio,” whining as Hina latches onto your nipple, sucking lightly

“Why not?” Makio giggles, ass wiggling playfully, “Can’t take it?” knowing all too well that, ultimately, your pussy’s paying the price for her teasing

“Hm, you’re so messy babe,” Suma sighs contently, pausing her ministrations to kiss Tengen’s thigh, lips shiny w/ spit and your essence, “Seems like you want Makio to encourage him.”

Hina nods in agreement, eyes narrowed devilishly, twisting your other nipple, “Her clit’s throbbing,” spoken w/ unbearable casualness, “I think she’s going to cum.”

“Are you going to cum?” Tengen asks conversationally, finally taking a breath from Makio’s pussy, engorged tip twitching in your cunt, “I’ve hardly ruined you, and you’re already spasming on my cock.”

“T-tengen,” you whimper, clenching at his taunting tone, falling forward, cheek smooshed into Makio’s back, “So fucking d-deep,” stuttering as the new angle forces his fat head flush to the entrance of your cervix

“Think we can get her to squirt?” Tengen hums smugly, a hypothetical question, really, as you begin convulsing, pussy gushing messily onto his stomach, Hina’s hand glistening, ignoring your meek mewls of T-too much! as she continues rubbing your clit, Suma lapping at your cum as it coats Tengen’s balls, trickling between his asscheeks

[inklore]

✶ all playlists are on spotify.

fic inspired.

wicked game (joel miller)

romantic getaway (scott lang)

virus of the heart (joel miller)

heavy metal love (eddie munson)

call me lover (andy barber)

the art of a storm (bestfriendsdad!steve rogers)

(her) interlude (yelena belova, band au)

sweetman (jake 'hangman' seresin)

fandoms.

in love with a rich boy (ransom drysdale)

and he’s toxic (frank, endings beginings)

my beautiful beautiful makkari (eternals)

bruce wayne’s apple music account

in a toxic relationship with marc spector

summers with peter (tasm!peter parker)

a soft love with steven grant

getting high with peter (tasm!peter parker)

001’s favorite girl (henry creel)

sub!bruce wayne

songs eddie munson would [redacted] to

songs i’d drop it down to for joseph quinn

songs to gulp eddie’s fingers to (eddie munson)

a dream within a dream (morpheus)

my lucifer is lonely (lucifer, the sandman)

a party with desire (desire of the endless)

a god u party (gen v)

jordan li <3 (gen v)

tag team cocksplosion (jordan x marie)

i would eat your puke (sam x emma)

don’t be scared (jordan x marie)

#top4 (gen v)

little bad ass (emma meyer)

lost in saltburn (saltburn)

are you going to behave? (farleigh x oliver)

resourceful.

fight scene vibes

is it lust or love (for writing filth)

like lovers do (when you need a fluff boost)

heartbreak hotel (angst ain't gonna write itself)

that reading ambience

(lit)ature

miscellaneous.

the female gaze

the culture

we saw you from across the bar

unhinged homely men

bimbocore

regency daydreams

springcore

suns out tits out

he’s a murderer!

unhinged hot girl era

sad girl autumn

girls do it better

i wanna be sedated

cool story bro

visceral rejection

hitch hiking in the desert

happy girl autumn

one of those moods

desolate estate

kpop girlie

bumpin dAt grind

baby it’s cold

pink sepia

boyband sundaes

poppin summah

feeling slutty on a tuesday

slasher summer

[bokutosmochi]

first floor already too full?

☆ - special of the month (latest addition to masterlist. not necessarily latest one written)

♡ - confectioner’s favorite (a personal favorite of mine)

† - smut, mdni

☽ - dark content

last updated: april 16

MULTIPLE PEOPLE

HAIKYUU!!

when someone can't take "no" for an answer (oikawa toru, semi eita, kuroo tetsuro, ushijima wakatoshi, iwaizumi hajime, kageyama tobio)

good boy † (suna rintaro, tendo satori, tsukishima kei, bokuto kotaro, miya atsumu, semi eita)

mister oblivious, eyes on him ( sakusa kiyoomi, akaashi keiji, ojiro aran, sawamura daichi, iwaizumi hajime) ♡

JUJUTSU KAISEN

what the brat deserves † (itadori yuji, gojo satoru, nanami kento, fushiguro toji, geto suguru, kamo noritoshi)

when you propose to them, they... (sukuna ryomen, gojo satoru, todo aoi, nobara kugisaki, nanami kento, mai zenin, maki zenin, itadori yuji, inumaki toge)

“please pretend to be my boyfriend, someone following me” (gojo satoru, geto suguru, sukuna ryomen, fushiguro toji, nanami kento)

hard 2 love (gojo satoru, sukuna ryomen, fushiguro megumi)

be cruel to me as i'm a fool for you [or jjk men's signs of chivalry] (gojo satoru, geto suguru, fushiguro toji, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen)

h is for hot (cause that’s what i be) [or random drabbles about jjk men receiving head] (gojo satoru, geto suguru, fushiguro toji, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen) ♡ †

my back arched like a cat my position couldn't stop (you were hitting it) [or jjk men's k!nks] (gojo satoru, geto suguru, fushiguro toji, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen) ♡ †

SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! [or embarrassing moments with jjk men] (gojo satoru, geto suguru, fushiguro toji, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen)

erogenous zone ( gojo satoru, geto suguru, fushiguro toji, nanami kento, sukuna ryomen) †

REDACTED AUDIO

call me little sunshine (when you feel all alone)  or when you don't use the shaw pack boys' nickname (david shaw, asher talbot, milo greer)

HAIKYUU!!

KARASUNO:

hinata shoyo

random hinata shoyo headcannons

kageyama tobio

kageyama tobio boyfriend headcannons

AOBA JOHSAI:

oikawa toru

general oikawa headcannons

iwaizumi hajime

boyfriend!iwaizumi headcannons

SHIRATORIZAWA:

semi eita

random semi eita headcannons

boyfriend semi eita headcannons

tendo satori

nsfw!tendo headcannons †

tendo satori boyfriend headcannons

ushijima wakatoshi

random ushijima wakatoshi headcannons

boyfriend ushijima wakatoshi headcannons

FUKURODANI:

akaashi keiji

boyfriend!akaashi headcannons

random akaashi keiji headcannons chapter II

nsfw akaashi keiji headcannons †

bokuto kotaro

nsfw!bokuto headcannons †

boyfriend bokuto kotaro headcannons chapter III

how to: make the light in bokuto kotaro's eyes even brigher

NEKOMA:

kuroo tetsuro

boyfriend kuroo tetsuro headcannons

random kuroo tetsuro headcannons

INARIZAKI:

miya atsumu

nsfw!atsumu headcannons †

random miya atsumu headcannons

miya osamu

would it be shallow †

JUJUTSU KAISEN

STUDENTS:

itadori yuji

nsfw itadori yuji headcannons †

so put on mascara (and your party dress) ♡

fushiguro megumi

return of the kings

CURSED SPIRITS:

sukuna ryomen

human, mortal things ♡

a battle of concepts: second thoughts

the unspoken rule

five things ♡

a thousand years cruel, a thousand years wise ♡

only you, darling ♡

CURSE USERS:

geto suguru

nsfw geto suguru headcannons †

heard you got a friend (what's his head like?) † ♡ (featuring gojo satoru)

i surrender who i've been for who you are

     make him jealous! (ft. wingman!gojo satoru) ♡

SORCERERS:

gojo satoru

space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close ♡

heard you got a friend (what's his head like?) † ♡ (featuring geto suguru)

she looks just like a dream (the prettiest girl i've ever seen)

touchstarved

cheater? never! 

return of the kings

nanami kento

cat dad ♡

his sugar daddy tendencies † ♡

you call the shots, babe (i just wanna be yours) †

the more things change 

living in a winter wonderland

she’s a wh♡re! i l♡ve it! † ♡ ☆ 

MONKEYS NON-SHAMANS:

fushiguro toji

nsfw fushiguro toji headcannons †

OBEY ME

mammon

you’ve got my body (flesh and bone) ♡

REDACTED AUDIO

asher talbot

now my life is cinnamon (like a fucking dream i’m living in) ♡

[pisspope]

cat ive got couple coming right up

🐶💕(this one esp)💚💤🌟💋🛡

and the last but not least✅whos the housewife of the household (aka does all the cooking and cleaning and will look stunning in a backless apron)

speak i listen 🎤🎤🎤

oh for u mae? anything

🐶: If you and your f/o were to get a pet, what would it be?

Okay so in canonverse we have two rats that are retirees from a marleyan science experiment. one of ems got a piece of ear missing and the other is mostly blind but zeke likes to set them on his shoulders while he reads the paper. Sees them as kindred spirits (Beast being used for science experiments and all), also jokes about them having the same amount of time left (rats only live about two years). Which... jeez zeke. Hilarious but jeez.

In modern aus we have a kid named Xavier and until she's able to speak we call her our pet but otherwise?? Too busy. Might get a cat in our later years though.

💕: Who’s the clingier one in the relationship?

it's zeke he's soooooo whiny. like once ur his person u r His Person and he will not let you forget it for a second. gets out of work or some activity early and is calling you up like "why aren't you homeeeeee I wanna watch tvvvvvv". Not physically clingy but verbally and emotionally clingy. Sends u a text and then sends "🥺" every five minutes until you respond.

💚: Who gets jealous?

BOTH. we both act like we're hot shit but also secretly think the other person is settling. I keep it on the dl then get a little buzzed and say "do u like [person] better than me be honest 👉👈🥺" and he has to reassure me that no, now and forever everyone but me can suck eggs. zeke will get fake jealous because I think it's sexy ("saw u waving at the mailman today. fucking tart." then we [redacted][redacted][redacted]), but also gets actually jealous specifically when I talk about my thing for older men. Def have a come-to-ymir moment in the idol au after I flirt too much with label director Zachary if u catch my drift.

💤: Do you sleep together? If so, describe your sleeping positions and patterns (E.g. who steals the blankets, are either of you insomniacs, etc.)

So we do sleep in the same bed but,,,,,, our sleep schedules are insanely fucked. Like it's been known to happen on occasion that I go to bed before midnight and he doesn't wake up at 4 AM to eat a cheese stick and crash on the couch watching markiplier but it's rare. actually a boon in aus where we have a kid or two because one of us is usually up at any point during the day or night to answer inane requests. both sleep in fetal position backs to each other asses touching bc if I see his bits or he sees mine it's on sight ://// horn dogs :///

🌟: Who’s the tease in the relationship?

Me :) although he stone faces his way through it in public. second we're home though teehee I'm in danger (affectionate). 100% a pants wearer so the second I walk out of the bathroom in a skirt he knows I'm gonna be flirty and obnoxious all fucking day. eyes rolling into the back of his head but he secretly enjoys it.

💋: Where are your favorite places to kiss your f/o/where are their favorite places to kiss you?

I like to smooch him right underneath his jaw where his beard is sparse so I can kiss and then pull at the longer stubble so he yelps. also kissing his stomach and pulling at his chest hairs, a little mean and a little sweet at the same time.

hes an inner thigh kisser and biter no doubt in my damn mind. also likes pressing kisses to the lips down there idk idk idk

🛡: Who’s the more protective one?

hmm see this is a tough call because it's kind of neither? we're pretty independent of one another so we end up holding our own a lot. I do have a tendency to just lay down and take it when someone's mean though so if zekes in the room when that happens? oh I pity whoever spoke ill of me. but this is only if I'm in the room and its more of him defending me because I didn't stick up for myself, like if someone were to talk shit and I weren't there? He'd probably just shrug it off or even chuckle and agree. So yeah. Cake is not winning a chivalry contest any time soon.

✅️: Who does the housework?

Trick question because Zeke does the chores to the best of his ability in a little "May the Forks Be With You" Star Wars apron but his best is my half-assed. so he does the chores and I thank him soooo much then while he sleeps or does work I pick up the detail work. type to glass clean all the windows but not dust all the surfaces ynow. neither of us can cook tho :/ zeke boils hot dogs and expects a compliment for using the stove

[sevens-evan]

hey dude! i’ve been rly interested in weightlifting lately and u have got the mightiest guns in the land, are there any youtube channels/videos u might recommend for a beginner? it’s difficult to sift through the “GET THICC QUICC” schemes and influencer damage in fitness channels n stuff. hope you’re doing good B) and maybe i’ll see you in the summer?

helllll yeah. i will put this under a cut because it is SO long and i have so many fucking thoughts on this topic

honestly it's very hard to recommend fitness channels just because so many of them are terrible lmao. a lot of my information i get from instagram, i recommend sean nalewanyj and claire zai as people who are generally science-based, although the first guy does a lot of weight loss stuff bc he's a bodybuilder so like. ymmv. but he does sometimes talk about biomechanics and anatomy and those videos are really solid.

i think basically the best thing to do is get a basic understanding of muscle anatomy? i.e. your quads work to straighten your knees. and once you know that you know that any exercise involving straightening ur knee against resistance is going to work your quads (squats, leg extensions being the big ones). biceps bend the elbow, triceps straighten the elbow, etc. if you know what each muscle does you'll be able to spot someone doing a bullshit exercise from a mile away. this is what sean nalewanyj's videos are pretty good for, he calls out a lot of bullshit exercises that go viral on tiktok or whatever and explains why they're dumb. very useful for picking up anatomy stuff.

nutrition stuff tends to be WAY harder to find good information on and my solution to that is to simply not worry about nutrition. eat a lot of protein if u wanna build muscle but other than that i don't worry abt it.

also SOOOO many of the men in the online fitness space are freaks. so many red pill weirdos, pickup artist types, misogynistic little freaks. unfortunately many of the science-based guys are even like this. i have learned many a useful gym tip from men who i would kill given the opportunity. this isn't helpful i just hate it kjhasdg

in conclusion. creators to avoid: athleanx (full of shit never listen to anything he says ever), william li (annoying), obviously anyone who claims to have the Big Secret to fitness. people who claim that if you do an exercise "wrong" you will 100% get injured (this is a very complicated topic but anybody talking in absolutes is not coming from a science based perspective). also ben yanes on instagram, he is so wrong about everything and so smug about it i wanna fight him in an alleyway

OH a great creator on instagram is eugene teo! i don't use his paid app but his instagram content is actually very helpful and he busts a lot of myths and also. kinda hot.

i have many more thoughts if you have further questions alskjdgh. also yes you will probably see me in the summer, i will be in town guaranteed and possibly working at [REDACTED]

editing this after posting but the other big principle to be aware of is muscular failure. google it basically you want every set of an exercise to be Hard. you wanna almost not be able to do the last rep or two

[daz4i]

Hi hi hi my love!!!!! How about 8, 35 (aside from blood lol), and 43? ^^

thank you my beloved!!!!!!!!!! <3

8: Want any tattoos?

GOD i have so many tattoo plans. i wanna get some animal tattoos to symbolize some of my family members (bear for my mom, shark for my dad, wolf for my sister) and some animal tattoos just bc they're cool and i love them (red fox, barn owl, african rock python!!!!! wrapped around my leg!!!!!!, rat, raccoon, WHITE TIGER, and maybe more). i also want a bunch of flowers, starting with hibiscus bc it's my fav :3 after i get top surgery i wanna get a phoenix on my back, and i want some tarot card - death/the fool/the hanged man - but haven't decided which one yet. also, something angel related, specifically to raphael to symbolize my nephew hehe.

35: What I find attractive in men

oh bestie you know me so well 😩 the answer is hands i find hands attractive in men. also [redacted] and [redacted] and when they [redacted] oh and how could i forget [redacted]

real talk tho unfortunately i like men who are mean to me and i think from my favorite characters that's probably noticeable

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

UUUUUUUUUUH OH FUCK UUUUH *runs through the hot people catalogue in my brain* MEGAN FOX? if we're talking fictional characters then, unfortunately, handsome jack

send some numbers?

[oh-look-another]

hi guys do y’all wanna see my rant to my friend bc she posted smth on her status that talked abt hyperfixations and i couldn’t fight the urge to reply? no? welp too bad

(under the cut bc it’s damn long wish i cld write that much for my monday exam)

like wdym you don’t know that in the very very old myths about sirens they were described as having the lower half of a bird and the wings of said bird and they weren’t even found in water at all they could be found literally anywhere in the world and they sang about your deepest desires not just sex so asexuals (me) wouldn’t be exempted from their seduction but over time they got merged with mermaids and now all the depictions of sirens are just hot girls with tails ad singing about sex like they were seducing sailors do you think anyone who‘s stuck on a boat wouldn’t have sex and gay themselves also the odyssey was where the sirens were first mentioned and ody asked what was left of his crew to tie him up to the mast (also the reason one of the artists who draw ody/jesus (this isn’t a ship okay it’s just that wolfy draws them like not together separately of course) didn’t want to draw that one specific part in the odyssey was because we would ‘get horny in the tags’ so yeah) and the rest of the crew has earplugs in and ody wanted to know what the sirens were saying (if you think this is the plot of som it is bc each of the books in the pjo is based on a greek myth which is so cool but i kinda wish that there could be like a pjo x orpheus and eurydice book like the plot of the book based on that myth bc it’s so tragic he looked back too early he missed her she’s a hungry young girl no stranger to the world and he’s working on a song and when it’s done spring will come again) so that’s the reason of that and the sirens were actually singing about him reuniting with his wife and son back in ithica and the only reason why ody was in this mess in the first place was because he fucking revealed his name to polyphemus like buddy you had a good cover i get polites died i get that you’re grieving but this is no time to anger the cyclops reminder that it wouldn’t have happened if you just killed him like athena said so poseidon wouldn’t have left you with forty-six men from your six hundred men not including the twelve that the cyclops killed and i would say that ody deserves it but the butterfly effect is getting a little too big don’t you think like at least epic!ody doesn’t get seduced by circe but calypso is still there at least he tries to be loyal and you know when ody was killing the suitors it’s very dramatic but also he’s naked which is kinda weird like are you trying to turn the suitors gay before you kill them but okay and also circe i love her so much yes she’s done a lot of wrong things but she’s so hot like epic!circe’s voice is so good also hermes is amazing his voice is so good and all the ruthlessness animatics right yeah all of them show poseidon bullying ody which is sad but like that isn’t even the half of it ody i’m sorry also they named the moon rover yk after ody like why are y’all condemning the man to even more places that is very clearly not ithica like come on it’s been more than centuries let the poor man rest with his wife and son in peace also if you edit like i know you don’t but [name redacted for privacy] does i’ll recommend this to her later maybe but i know she was complaining about tiktok audios getting muted but maybe uh try scrounging in the depth of musicals because so many of them have so much potential to be edit audios like i know one from heathers which isn’t really an edit audio or anything but it’s just a bunch of teenagers going ‘holy shit’ like twenty times in the background you should check it out

hey guys look it starts with sirens and ends with heathers the musical!! they’re kinda similar tho bc both have themes of murder

[roseband]

local idiot buzzes hair off before trich gets worse again rip

[kimnjss]

I ALREADY SCREAMED TO U BUT HERE WE GO AGAIN ‼️ bc i cant get enough 😭😭 why is cb!yoongi the cutest, softest, most spoiled baby ever 🥲 and why do i wanna slurp him up good for it 🥲🥲🥲 hes the bestest boy and he deserves everything !!

and the part when he [redacted] during the dinner (so as not to spoil it 😭) i legit got butterflies kez i dont know what to say-

the way you write him makes me want to swear off all men because no one's gonna compare to him i swear 😭😭

AHHHH ! he’s honestly the love of my life???? like i don’t know wht else he could be at this point bc the man is perfection 😳 dude - i can’t get over how hot he is when he’s acting spoiled?? nd the fact that yn jus gives him whatever he wants - sign me TF up 🥵 nah but ., he’s such a great boyfriend 🥺 boy deserves all the pampering .

omgggg ! that part !! he’s so sweet w her nd you can tell through the whole thing that’s what he’s thinking even tho he doesn’t say it until then ., yk??? i was feeling all fuzzy while writing it too - want someone like that for me 😭

nah fr tho - why settle for these men out here 🤢 when cb!yoongi exists????

[jrueships]

Not to be a gremlin buuuuuuut would you care to share your redacted thoughts on trae/John 👀 because I would love to hear them 😳

IMMA BE HONEST ANON.. They're mainly just [redacted] loose random ideas I think with about absolutely NO explanation whatsoever so.. 😭 it's nothing like.. SPECTACULAR but 😳😳 u know like I just can't give u the whole spiel rn 😭

But I'll give random tidbits anyways 😎

Okay so I'll start with like.. the SCENARIO I was thinking about before. So like- 

Trae and John go out clubbing to celebrate a win. They're recently new to the NBA, trae more-so Collins, so they've got a little pride in their win and wanna have fun and get some hotties. But, the win wasn't at home, so most of the people at the club pretty much hated them for beating a team that was supposed to win instead of the hawks. Basically, they get no bitches. 

  And trust me. They did EVERYTHING to get bitches.

Trae would have John go up to women and try and be a good wingman, advertise Trae's attractiveness, Nope. Nada. Trae put in his and John's favorite song. Nobody even wanted to dance with them. It was just John and trae dancing by themselves.. which was fine and all because they usually just dance together anyways, but it Did look a little awkward so… That ended quickly. A lady throws her shoe at them, to which trae keeps because fuck her and her shoe. Now bitch can hobble back home with one barefoot like a crunked up Cinderella 

BUT IN END RESULT, they left the club with no bitches and hurt egos. 

During the drive back to their hotel, Trae complained the whole way. He goes from frustrated to flabbergasted to angry to despairing to annoyed. The whole drive is just him ranting about 'bitches' and how he got none. John keeps pitching in by complaining as well, also showing confusion, equal anger, empathizing, and equal, if not more, Annoyance at the women's denials as well.

And then John says something like "if /I/ was a female, ((we all know how straight men talk yall.)) I'd TOTALLY find you hot, dude!"

   That's when the car gets quiet.

John realizes what he said and quickly tries joking it off, giving a hurried "no homo though!" And laughing nervously. 

Trae starts to laugh and everything is a rushed, awkward fine again. Trae even jokes about it when they park at the hotel, getting out first and opening John's car door for him in mock romance. The charade goes on for a while to lighten things up until the slip up is nothing of serious substance…

A few drinks to drown out their pussyless sorrows and things start to get a little tipsy. Silly drunk conversations conjure while they sit on trae's hotel room bed, but nothing of big talk.. Not until Trae reminds himself about his scoreless night and starts ranting until he gets sad again. Thick brow furrowed, he squinted blurred at the ground and trails his funny gaze up John's physique. He asks something akin to the lines of "hey… remember when you said like… if you were a woman… you'd find me hot?" To which John panics but confirms nonetheless…

Trae goes o h and they sit in awkward silence. They both painfully finish their like. 4th beer of the night. Then trae finally breaks the silence by asking, 

  "So… like.. hypothesis..-ly… hypo...hypocritically-" 

      "Hypothetically ?"

"Yeah. That's what I said. Anyways. Hypothesisly… if you Were a woman.. would you also .. fuck me?"

SO YEAH. THERES MORE TO IT UHH THEY FUCK (DUH) AND THEY BOTH WAKE UP IN THE SAME BED AND PANIC NOT REMEMBERING ANYTHING.. but they find that one shoe the woman threw at them strewn by the door so … of course their straight minds (desperately) convince themselves that they had an EPICLY AWESOME AND HOT threesome with a SMOKING HOT BABE who quickly fled the scene. … And maybe their d*cks mightve touched ONCE and MAYBE trae feels like touching John's ass is far more familiar than he'd like but… THINGS HAPPEN IN THE DARK OK. IT'S HARD TO SEE… 

   In conclusion, they drunk fucked and convinced themselves that they didn't drunk fuck 😭

     But my random weird ideas about them fucking just in general are like…

OKAY OKAY. I know we all love to see short and tall ships.. and the general CONSENSUS is that the taller one is the top but THERES SMTHIN ABOUT THE SHORTER ONE TOPPING THAT IS.. GOOD. OKAY?? So. Yeah. Trae tops LMFAO. HES JUST SO… CLEVERLY ?? SCHEMEY THAT?? He just Is the top ok. THEY CAN SWITCH and john can be the service top to power bottom Trae but.. they have to develop past their straightness for that level 😭 

 BUT ANYWAYS MORE ABOUT TOP TRAE.. he is literally Only hot to John LMFAO. He says and does the cheesiest shit in bed. If he was with anyone else, he'd turn them off by just getting naked down to his batman underwear. But luckily he is with John, his dumbly devoted best friend <3 

More about them in bed tho…

Okay so picture John on the bed getting fucked by Trae standing on the floor because it's too hard for Trae to top with such a height difference LMAO… John is bent on his back and his long legs are hooked over trae's shoulders.. Trae turns his head to kiss his legs all sweet…  John starts to whimper out a moan but then.   Trae puts a finger to his lips and makes a shushing motion like he did to the knicks crowd KABXJS 

Like when trae wants to fuck??? They fuck. In a hotel room with their teammates staying like?? Literally next door? Doesn't matter. They gonna fuck. Just so trae can have the cheesy NERVE of shushing john when their sex is getting too loud. Even though TRAE is the verbal one… 

And by verbal like.. bad porn verbal. Loud obnoxious grunting. Keeps asking John if he likes it. How 'big he is'. Asks how much John Wants it. Then doesn't let John formulate any kind of intelligible response because he's already leaning down to bite the long length of his neck.

SPEAKING OF BITING.. trae is definitely a biter. LMAO… he bites the insides of John's thighs, his neck, the slope of his shoulder, anywhere he can claim his stake, he Claims it. (Even the ass 😭 he's cursed like that man.) Afterwards in the aftercare he trails over his bite marks and kisses them and says smthin stupidly cocky like "you're a work of art and baby I'm your artist"

Trae in general is just a very passionate lover. If he wants John in a different position, he'll PUT John in a different position. Trae wants to do all the work to please John and himself and John just wants to please Trae. Trae will do anything bro. Eating ass, giving or getting (by getting like. Hand on hair Always) the sloppy toppy, having John ride him like. Bro got a fiesty libido.

And John just lets Trae take whatever he wants. He mainly doesn't have the strength to spit out terrible pornstar lines, so he settles for just.. desperately chanting out a slurred series of "bros/dudes/mans/any other term frat bros use to lovingly regale each other in". But yeah. He spends most of his time trying to look at Trae and think about how much he loves him 😭 and how hot he thinks he is right now like this. They're VERY much into looking at each other when having sex, but they weren't at the start though. At the beginning it was a whole "You don't look at me, I don't look at you" deal that was quickly broken when Trae pushed in and they both finally realized how much they want each other so …

ANYWAYS… YEAH.. them being [redacted] together is always like… on the VERGE of being sexy until one of them ruins it somehow (but the other will always find it sexy somehow. The sensible readers just won't 😭). Like if Trae is clapping John's cheeks and they make a funny sound, they're both gonna stop and laugh at how much it sounded like John farted. They're just two stupid guys in stupid love baby!!!! 

[flowered-mp3]

i think u wanna talk abt christopher bang

thank you anon, i do wanna talk about christopher bang, the leader of stray kids.

because he’s great. talented, as so chill? down to earth? hardworking? RESPONSIBLE? like i feel as a society we do not value responsible men but my god. i see a man be responsible and that shit gets me. being responsible is incredibly hot and i don’t care if that makes me sound like a boring but oh my god. 

a moment that always GETS ME is during kingdom when jeongin is super upset about his performance quality in “i’ll be your man” and he’s crying off screen but chan is hugging him and comforting him and says “you’re so big now i can’t even hug you with my arms around you anymore” and i deadass almost paused the episode and sobbed. 

maybe it was because i was hormonal that day but ajdfakjdf leaders. yeah. i love leaders. 

also he’s hot like tf. his back? like fuck the abs idgaf about those tbh but his BACK. and his FACE. goD.

ok bye.

also hi chris uhm my number is [redacted] u can call me any time this is a joke do not call me

[boomerang109]

thoughts on uhhhh i have no thoughts oh no boom i’ve lost my one brain cell uhhh tfatws? have you been watching that? if not i’ll come up with some alternatives/additional ones:

thoughts on pears (aka wannabe apples)

thoughts on me dying my hair green apparently everyone already thinks it is and the concept is growing on me

thoughts on ace rings! (i have an aro one but i want both >:) )

thoughts on names. names in general, naming small children, whatever ya want

thoughts on reality tv shows

oh no snakefarm you gotta find that brain cell! i have not been watching tfatws but ashla and abby have so i’ve been hearing a bit about it. it’s on my to-watch list, but i’m not sure if i’ll ever get around to it or not. it seems like it has (or is trying to have?) some good messages around how sam wilson’s relationship with america is different due to his race, as well as having a lot of hot men, and a lot for the shippers to enjoy. idk if that’s accurate or not, but those are the thoughts atm

pears are gross, their texture are weird and grainy and they don’t even have a good taste to make up for it. do not recommend. (i think apples make me feel sick?? i need to investigate, but i’ve been avoiding apples since forming this theory and it’s very sad)

dye your hair green!! it’s aro pride and i have no idea what you look like, but i bet you can rock it. i associate you with green (cause that’s just your color) so i feel like green hair makes a lot of sense for you (what color is your hair now?)

boom is wordy af for no reason, so i’m putting in a cut for anyone who wants to scroll by(e)

i love ace rings!! i wish they were slightly better known (although i am glad that i’m not outting myself to society at large ig) but they’re a lovely show of pride and way for aces to identify each other in the wild! also, my ace ring is a spinny ring (and unfortunately it’s part silver because it’s a black chain on silver, which aesthetically i don’t love, but SPINNY) so i think that’s extra fun. i definitely recommend getting an ace ring, aroace pride all the way!!

names are strange and sometimes i wish i could just call myself boom in real life (and i know i technically could, but i’m very sensitive so i don’t want to be judged and boom is a very unusual name) but i actually love that you said naming small children cause i was just thinking about this?? for this, we’re just imagining me and my partner have decided to have children (either they’re preggers or adoption) and are choosing names, even tho i’m not actually sure if i will ever be stable enough to handle having human lives in my care. i’ve always really liked names that are very gendered so i was thinking the other day “:( it’s sad i can’t use these names cause i want to give my kids gender neutral names rather than assuming their gender” but then i was thinking, well, unless society changes drastically, it’ll probably be easiest on my kid to raise them as the gender that matches their sex, until they’re old enough to agree or disagree, so i could give them a first name that matches that gender and then a middle name of the opposite (or neutral) gender. (which also ruins the plan to give them family last names as a middle name, which is an important tradition to me, as i am the second to last person with [REDACTED] still in my name). but i don’t love that plan cause whenever i see something like “John Emily Smith” or whatever, i always think “oh that poor kid, probably got bullied for having a girl’s name for a middle name” and obviously that shouldn’t be the norm, but while it is,, idk if i want to set my kid up for that. so i think i’ll have to stick with genderless names, even if that means i have to do research in the future to find some more names i like (and obviously, if my kid ever decides they want a new name, that’s okay too! i just wanna give them the best chance of liking the one i pick out for them)

i always thought reality tv shows were kinda trashy and dumb but my high school acting teacher pointed out they’re a great way to study raw human emotion? and i’m pretty sure that’s just his dramatic excuse for loving reality tv, but it’s totally stuck with me cause that’s how i originally got into sitcoms (viewing them as writing practice, especially the office where they’re SUCH caricatures it’s really good character study)

[tenkobutgayer]

calling out @threecheersfordeadpoets

Cancelling “jade” on twitter dot com:

-goes by jade on tumblr and elsewhere. Why is that?? hmm?? you tryna create a fake identity for yourself. Download a house maybe??? And ofc the name is Jade, homestuckie. That’s right. She’s a certified homed stuck kinnie. kinda cringe dont u think. what happened to your imaginary cousin elisabeth?? that we made up so you’d get builder rank on the minecraft server that shall not be named.

-is holding my old monster high dolls hostage. they are in her attic. she does not give them adequate living space or appreciation of any kind. that is neglect and i will not stand it. hand them over it is clear that you are not capable of taking care of them seriously

-likes emo music in the year of our lord 2021 and almost got me into an emo phase with her in the 4-5th grade. Need i say more?? a hate crime scene music is obviously better.

-does not listen to lemon demon regularly. rlly?? neil cicerega is right there with his gorgeous melodies and she listens to weezer. smh my head. go to the corner and don’t leave until you’ve memorized every note of cabinet man

-misspelled my last name in the 6th grade. That’s right [name redacted], I wont forget. You forgot the p. kinda cringe considering the fact that you’ve known my last name since the first grade. smh-ing my head so hard rn

-likes that one show with the homophobic gay rugby men. I’ve never watched it but they’re br*tish. that should be reason enough to call it problematic media that she is in fact taking part in and enjoying. you said youd watch the owl house two months ago. i sent you the link. no progress whatsoever. meanie.

-80% of her danganronpa kins survive like come on that shouldn’t be allowed

-thinks shuichi is hot while simultaneously having him as her highest kin. first of all hes the worst protag and stinky also thats conceited af so :/ cancelled emo boy

-plays the guitar. whys that?? u wanna play bass like that guy in mine toxic relationship??? everyone knows that ppl who play guitar are cringe. mae says it during the campfire party in NITW.

-enjoys the dream smp. the amount of hate i have for that singular piece of media and it’s fandom could match the power of the sun in intensity. god the amount i wish the mcyt fandom would stop existing. just perish. then i’d truly be happy. id get to enjoy minecraft content without it being taken over by some block men wannabees. then i’d get the lemon demon sounds back on tiktok. then the actually enjoyable minecraft survival multiplayer servers would get acknowledged like they truly deserve *cough* hermitcraft (that “jade” has said she’d watch but has not) *cough*

-likes things that suck. if i listed them all this post would be like, larousse dictionary sized.

-didn’t have an extra fountain pen to lend me in grade 1 for the dictee. 

-has made me the unknowing third wheel on MULTIPLE occasions. why does the cycle keep repeating itself why do you always do this to me.

-ghosts minecraft servers if the rest of us are more advanced than her.

and last but not least:

-pissed on my wife. thats right you pissed on my wife so I’m gonna one up you and piss on the moon. you have 24 hours before my piss droplets hit the earth.

[barbiehytes]

tag game

Tagged by my babies @pink-grapefruit-cafe , @buffywhovianpotterlock  💖

Name: [redacted], OK someeeeee lucky people around here know it, but i hatehatehate my name so I make them SWEAR on their lives to keep it secret

Nickname: B , barbie, barbs, binky, Barbara, i LOVE nicknames, gimme one and I’d love you forever 

Zodiac sign: aquarius sun, taurus moon, leo rising, i’m not going to bore you to death about what it all means, don’t worry 

Nationality: mexican, with italian-french or something like that ancestry(?) I’ve never done any test about it, but my last name is supeer weird for mexican standards and we traced it back to Italy 

Languages spoken: spanish and awful english, how any of you understand me is a wonder to me. My favorite is just a mix of the two that we call spanglish. 

What time is it: 03:26 pm pst YES I HAVE THE 12 HR CLOCK what about it 

Celebrity crush: ugh so so many. Cate Blanchett. Margot Robbie, i can’t think of any men right now but there should be some  

Favorite fictional character(s): Blair Waldorf !!!!!!! she’s my queen. I know there must be more but ugh, why do my one braincell always blanks when doing these things 

Favorite musician: Lorde, Lana del Rey(surprising no one), Lady Gaga, and like a lot lot more. but those three jeez, i decided I wanna get a lana and a LG tattoo since I already have one for lorde 

Favorite sports team: ahhhh ok, i LOVE sports. My dad has three daughters so he had to share his love for sports with someone and the chosen one was me. My fave team is the Green Bay Packers. I love the NFL and i like most teams (except the patriots they can choke). I like baseball and basketball but I don’t really have a team that I follow. Soccer I don’t love but I’d watch when there’s an important game like world cup. 

Favorite season: summer & winter! I can never make up my mind between the two and I won’t apologize for it. Fall is slowly becoming a favorite too. 

Favorite flower: sunflowers and chrysanthemums ( i had to ask my flower expert aka sohytes about how those were called) i like peonies too! 

Favorite scent: coffee, the smell of rain, cinnamon and sugar. ocean air. 

Favorite animal(s): cats and bunnies

Favorite food: I have the sweetest tooth: cookies and cakes and donuts. Actual food I love sushi, and salads. And tacos obviously. 

Dream car: I know NOTHING about cars, but like a convertible mustang sounds nice. OHOH wait no, I love jeep wrangler ! (yes i googled that lmao) or like a range rover. I love a tall car. 

Dream trip: Europe Trip - all the architecture I could see!!!!!!! Also NY. Oh and the Greek Islands. Santorini 

Instruments: not a single one! shame. I’ve always wanted to learn piano. 

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffeeeee! but I finally started drinking tea regularly after years of trying and I really like it now. But coffee is life. 

Dog or cat person: cats ! but tiny dogs are cute too. but only for like a minute. 

Following: ahhhhh I think like something 600? but my dash is a mess I really need to clean it up a bit at some point

Followers: 1010 or something like that. but we all know half of those are porn bots lmao 

Other blogs: just my main one that’s been around for like 10 YEARS can you believe, I’ve had it since high school and I don’t post much there but check it out if you like: @barbieggirl 

Blog established: 2019

Do you have a tumblr crush: ok I have a friend crush with @artificialortega like, she’s hilarious and has the best meme reactions and I just want to be their friend?  

Do you get asks: yes and i love that!! lately not so much anymore? idk if it’s that i haven’t been that active as I used to or we are just in a random place of mind right now, but i love and adore the ones i get asking for fics or to scream things at me 💖

What are you wearing right now: leggins and a tshirt 

Drink(s) of choice: water, coffee, wine. I’m not a fan of beer, but I’d drink it if I have to. If it’s a ‘we are getting super drunk night’: tequila. 

Number of blankets you sleep with: one! 

Average sleeping hours: 6-8, on weekends I can sleep like 9 or 10 and no I’m not proud of that. 

Random fact: I know I have a pretty pink barbie blog aesthetic, but that’s sooo far off from real life. I do like pink but i go towards more neutral shades in clothes, makeup and things. My style is not preppy at ALL. I love wearing big oversized things and tshirt dresses and like comfy things? So if you are thinking I’m a real life barbie in a skirt and heels I’m sorry to disappoint y’all. 😂

Tagging: I have no idea who already did this, so whatever want to say I tagged you!!!! 💖💖💖

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 154

Every single part of you was screaming that this was the beginning of the end. The beginning of something terrible. Bruce couldn’t even look at you. JARVIS had been machining some sort of temporary housing for… whatever the hell had been inside that scepter compartment. And Tony had remained as distant as possible as he ran cleanup and made sure everyone stayed clear of the labs. Little accident he’d said, and promised everything was okay. You’d been relegated to sitting on a stool, holding a cloth against your nose to stem the flow of blood. Eventually the leak stopped. 

Just as Tony stepped back in and closed the doors behind him. He stayed there, facing away, gathering himself. You allowed him a moment. Mostly because you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to hear what he had to say. But when he was finished, he walked down the steps. “Before we start...” Very promising, for sure. “Can you just try to walk me through what you were doing?” 

With the scepter, he meant. Obviously. “I don’t know.” As honestly as you could. Even if the answer was unsatisfying. “I don’t wanna say something like it was calling to me but I guess it was something close.” And you’d answered whether you’d wanted to or not. And you really hadn’t. But that didn’t matter much now. 

Bruce and Tony shared a look between each other. Telling. But then Bruce looked away, leaving Tony to figure out how he was going to say whatever it was he was going to say. And the longer he waited the more anxious you became. Until eventually he admitted- “I actually don’t know where to start.” It was very strange to see Tony so out of sorts. Struggling like this. 

“Just tell me what’s going on.” Trying and failing to not get agitated. But his anxieties were working your own up. You didn’t like this. Whatever this was. “...please.” 

He looked at you. Very, very briefly. But his eyes dropped after a few seconds. Guilt was wracking his entire being. Standing a little closer to Bruce, he pulled something up on one of the screens and then directed it into the air. Graphs. Data. Equations. With your name on them. You didn’t know what you were looking at. So you waited as patiently as possible for him to figure out how to talk. 

And once he did, there was no going back.

“I don’t know how to quantify your powers. I never have. It’s not something that seems like I can break down no matter how much science I apply to it. But this-” He waved a hand over what you were starting to realize was a graph of dates. “-this I thought I could try to make sense out of. They’re- …” He sighed. Frustrated. “You have a unique gamma signature.” 

He’d begun pacing around the room in slow, calculated movements. One step after the other. You stayed seated but watched him, and wrung your hands tightly together in your lap. Waiting more until he spoke again. “When you do whatever it is you do, you signal that pulse. It’s not radiation- you’re not leaking anything- at least not anything dangerous- it’s more like an identifier. I tried tests on Steve and he comes out clean. Thor does, too. And Bruce-” The two looked at each other again. “You’d think- at least I did- considering the accident had everything to do with gamma- that he’d be a little more similar. But he’s not.

I wanted more time- to figure this out- to make it make sense. No one has a signature like yours, but…” 

This was all too much to take in. You didn’t know how to begin to think about any of this. Tony had been running tests? No. Not just Tony. Your gaze shifted over. “You’ve been working with him on this.” Tony had kept this from you but had been working with Bruce. Something familiar pinged you. A friendly face standing over your bedside as you’d just come out of a battle with Extremis.

What are you doing?

Checking your levels. Most of it is out of your system by now, I was just making sure things are on the straight and narrow.

He looked at you and then dropped his head again. “Yeah, well… I suppose I was the leading expert on gamma radiation at the time.” 

They’re hoping I can track it. This thing is throwing out gamma radiation. Might be why they’re looking into this Banner guy.

What had brought them together in the first place. You felt yourself going a little numb- and dizzy- as the wheels started spinning. Tony was talking again. “Up until very recently, your signature was totally unique.” Shifting his hand flat across the air as he said this. He then pulled something else off one of the screens. Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, to be precise. “Until them.” 

Bruce startled you when he followed up, “The signatures aren’t the same, but they have the same sort of frequency- theirs are a little more on the loud side- they’re just starting out I think. You’re becoming more nuanced-” 

I wasn’t sure where you two were vacationing... 

That’s how they’d found the scepter. Bruce had tracked them and almost mistakenly thought it was you. And that wasn’t the first time either. Events were slamming your memory. They’d broken the dam. 

Gravitational anomaly has subsided, sir. I’m tracking the flux of gamma radiation now. JARVIS, where is Ms. INY?

That time they’d been tracking that thing- the problem Thor had dragged to earth- 

Your feet found you first and you held a hand up to signal that you in no way wanted either of them to come close to you. The feeling of wanting to press yourself into the corner- or maybe run for the door- was suddenly very strong. “Who else knows about this?” How long was the list of people that knew something so intimate about you- 

“SHIELD knew.” Tony saying this was like delivering a blow to your gut. “It’s how they tracked you.” 

“Oh my god.” The words slipped out of you as you reached out to put one hand on the nearest table to brace yourself. Something you’d been doing a lot recently. SHIELD knew. Nick knew. “How?” 

“They came right after the incident with your professor-” Tony tried to answer.

But you cut him off. “No- how- only you have been working on this gamma signature stuff right? So how...” 

You were unwinding very quickly. It wasn’t clicking just yet. Tony seemed stuck. You couldn’t bear to look at him. Bruce’s voice filled the room. “As much as we’ve hypothesized… the only thing that seems to make sense is that the Tesseract was in friendly hands since 1946. The Maximoff’s signatures are close to the scepter, but not quite. And yours are… close but not quite. We’re not sure yet what links them. But they’re the only signatures like it on earth.”

Earlier today- I’ve been thinking about it- you said Banner and I already found the scepter once. Were you thinking of the Tesseract?

He hadn’t been worried about your brain being muddled that day- he’d been worrying that he’d gotten caught. Even though Bruce was the last to speak, you were looking at Tony. “Are you sure about this?” 

You wanted him to tell you no. That he wasn’t sure about anything. And they weren’t, really, right? That’s why they’d been hiding it? Tony wanted more time to do the math- that’s the gist of what he’d said- but- but- “They have redacted files on a girl.” He pulled this onto holodisplay, too. Tone empty. Body full of regret that you had no time for right now. 

Redacted was an understatement. It was basically twenty pages all blacked out except for a single paragraph about the Tesseract- a subject number- a subject gender- and a date- 1990. 

“Running theory… either she was another experiment. ...or she was you. In case of the former, we think whatever they were doing with her… it had something to do with whatever they did to you. And their lead researcher died not too long after their trail went cold on you. Which wouldn’t matter anyway- their research was extremely limited. And their methods were lacking. Which might explain why they lost sight of you. Until- ...well.” Well was right. Because if that was even a little bit true, Tony outing himself might have been the reason SHIELD had picked you back up. 

 Bruce’s voice piped back in and there was a little bit of frantic energy that seemed to be bouncing between the two of them. He started speaking very rapidly, pointing at some of their research, moving it around as he did. Almost like he was hosting a lecture. Like you were some animal in a fucking zoo. “Biologically speaking, you’ve only just started peaking- your cell cycle is unlike anything we’ve ever seen and the senescence is slowing. But every time you get in contact with one of the theorized originating power sources there’s a biological shift. And stressors in your environment have been having a huge impact, too. You’re almost like a walking case study on the man-made Super Serum vs an alien environmental stew. We’ve actually been able to expand quite a lot on the-”

 “Is this fun for you?” You didn’t recognize the utterly angry tone of your voice, especially not when it was addressed towards either of them. You loved these men, truly. But they were talking at each other- about you- you just couldn’t take it anymore. “Is my life a fun little project for you guys?” This was… this was too much for you.

 Who were these people? You were entirely sure you had no idea anymore.

 You’d stopped them both cold. The feeling nearly dragging them to the floor was something beyond guilt at this point. They felt terrible. Maybe they were only now waking up to what they’d been doing- or who they’d been doing it to. Who could say?

You know the chances of them trying to turn you into a science experiment are fairly high, right? So what happened to you? Some sort of experiment gone wrong?

Were you a lab experiment? SHIELD? Or someone else? Because really, it’s remarkable. Your powers. Tell me. Where did they come from? Some  experiment gone awry?

Just uh- real quick… you weren’t- you don’t remember being tested on in a grungy government lab or anything, right?

Voices were assaulting you. Good god… how long had this been staring you in the face? “So what-” You spit this out as another hot flash of anger took a much easier hold in place of shock that had worn you out. “For years you thought I was some- what- some freak SHIELD lab accident powered by some alien source and you were never going to tell me?” You went a little weak after letting all of that out, denial easy. “No. No. I wasn’t- I’d remember that-” 

You hadn’t grown up in a lab. You’d had parents. You- Tony finally was staring at you. “We never talk about your past.” 

Your hand waved very dismissively at him. “That doesn’t mean anything- this can’t be right-” You remembered your parents. You also remembered them dying. You remembered that pain. And… in between there and college- 

...why couldn’t you remember anymore? 

“Maybe it’s not. We don’t have all the data.” Tony was an arm’s length away. And every part of him was screaming that he needed to reach out and find you. So loud you could hear it. Because you were drifting away from him. Rightfully so. “And I’ve spent a lot of time trying to make sure SHIELD was convinced otherwise, too.” The way he said this was so weird. Like he was admitting that guilt as much as he was trying to take praise for protecting you from something you didn’t even know about. 

...you really wished he hadn’t said that. And you wished you hadn’t seen the quick drop of his eyes to the Reactor glowing on your chest, and then pulling away in the next second.

It was to prove Fury wrong, more than anything. Bring the Reactor. Let me take a quick run through of your suit, then. Put it on. And… don’t take it off until we’re debriefed. Promise me. You didn’t take the Reactor. Where’s yours? In a drawer somewhere?

You fixed the suits? - Yours first. I… had a deal. With Fury. Before any of this. If he wanted us to keep working for him, he had to purge all mentions of that stuff. You worry about me- and I’ll worry about you.

Every time Tony had prioritized your suit over his- or worried why you weren’t wearing your Reactor- or made some necessary upgrade to it- or- 

“This?” Asking him very meekly as you reached up and took it off your chest. “You’ve been- what- hiding my signature- with this?” Something else even more terrible hit you next. 

Tell me, how did you find her? Oh? Tell me about that. Very interesting. Very interesting.

“Oh god- Kilgrave knew about this before I did?” You really were five seconds from a full on meltdown.

Hey… what was the reason you showed up at that place in Brooklyn anyway? I’m assuming following some lead- neighbors heard screaming or something- saw me in a window? He just told me to go. The longer time passes the more I’m losing on the event, but- you know Tony. I’m sure he had drones out all over the city. Probably was a noise complaint he caught on a police scanner. He was taking any lead he could get at that point.

Kilgrave had known more about you than you knew about you. And Bruce had lied right to your face. How was that okay? How was that right? You just barely noticed Tony’s head turning up, directing a very sharp look at Bruce. Oh good. So at least you weren’t the only one not in the loop. Not the only one being lied to all the time. Apparently Tony didn’t know that either. But he knew just enough to put the pieces together finally. 

You were pretty sure you were going to be sick. This was too much to take in. You didn’t want any part of it, really. It was unfair- and- … “You’ve been hiding this from me this whole time?” Asking the both of them, but really just Tony. Because the both of you had promised each other a very long time ago not to do this. “Why couldn’t you- why didn’t you ever say anything? Were you never planning on telling me?” 

It was more shame now, but still the guilt was heavy too. So much so that it covered that warm light you used to know. He just felt… cold now. “I wanted to figure it out for you. I wanted to be able to give this to you with all the answers. I didn’t- ...I wasn’t hiding it because you were a science project- if that’s what you think- I just wanted to be sure. The last thing I wanted to do was scare you and have nothing to show for it.” 

“So what’s happening right now.” Tears had started falling. Maybe you’d been crying the whole time. It was hard to tell anymore. 

His eyes lowered. “Yeah. What’s happening right now.” 

The worst part about this was you believed him. This wasn’t some malicious stunt designed to hurt you. He hadn’t been gleefully keeping this from you because you fascinated him. Science project- ...no that wasn’t what you thought at all. You understood that all of this had been to protect you. He’d been working so hard on doing that. For years now- 

And you’d had no idea. Which was why it wasn’t okay. 

“You lied to me.” A lie of omission was still a fucking lie. “You knew more about me than I knew about me. How is that fair, Tony?” 

For a sliver of time, you almost wanted him to fight back. So that you could release some of this awfulness. But resignation held him deeply. “It’s not.” You couldn’t be here anymore. You couldn’t stand to look at him right now. It was that thought that had you turning away, and pain crackled through you as he snapped out to grab you. “Honey-” Not physical pain.

 Just every other pain imaginable.

As carefully as you could manage, so as to not devolve further, you took a breath and then leveled your eyes with him. You weren’t sure you had enough bravery in you to make the request that you did, “Let me go.” Somehow you managed. And stood still while he held on to you. While he cracked at the edges and felt the flutter of panic from him. The realization that he’d created a problem he might not be able to fix now. ...one that was detrimental to the both of you. You were suddenly mirroring each other’s heartbreak. But finally he released you, hands up flat in a sign of defeat, and you shuffled away, feeling like you were dropping pieces of you with every step. Barely pieced together rag doll that you now knew you were- stuffing falling out now that you’d been ripped open. At the door you hesitated. And still didn’t look at either of them as you asked again, “Who else knows about this?” 

The entire team? The entire fucking world, perhaps? Everyone except you knew you were some lab accident involving some alien tech? 

Tony’s answer didn’t make you feel any better. “Fury had some idea. I don’t know how much. Not the whole picture, at least. A lot of your files were redacted- ...even before I got to them. ...besides him, it’s just me and Bruce.” 

You really had to gather yourself together to not just crumble right there. “I need some time. I need… I need time to think about all this.” You didn’t wait around long after saying that, pulling the door open and closing it carefully behind you. Your march up to the penthouse was long and arduous, and you felt yourself floating further and further away. You caught sight of yourself in the bedroom mirror. 

What even were you? Would you ever know? ...did you want to? 

You collapsed onto the bed and curled up on your side, not knowing what to do. What to feel. What to think. So it was nice… when it all just sort of went away. You weren’t there, really. You just- 

“Ms. INY…” JARVIS unfairly yanked you back to a place you didn’t want to be. “Is there anything I can do for you?” 

The stupidest question of the night came out of your mouth. “Did you know about this, JARVIS?” Of course he did. Tony had been working on this. That meant JARVIS was involved in every possible way. But you just sort of wanted one last confirmation of betrayal. 

Even if he was a program. And he couldn’t do that. 

“...yes, ma’am. I knew.” 

No. JARVIS couldn’t do that. But Tony could. Tony ordered his silence. Just like he’d done the same to Bruce, you were sure. Maybe he never would have told you. Maybe he never would have figured this out- he still hadn’t- and just never said anything to you for the rest of forever. 

A part of you wished that had been the case.

You curled into a tighter ball. “Please just leave me alone, JARVIS.” 

“...I understand, ma’am.” 

You didn’t want to do what you did next. But it was inevitable. Yet even sobbing didn’t even bring much relief. 

                                                               –

 Tony’s legs gave out as soon as that door closed behind her. She’d sapped the rest of his energy. Had taken a huge chunk of him with her- and she didn’t even want it. He was lucky to find a chair right beneath him, but maybe the floor would have been better.

 Inching forward as his spine bent, he put his head in his hands, gaze downward but wholly unseeing. His brain was chugging so loud he thought his eardrums might explode. What are you going to do now?What should you do now?How will you fix this?What if it can’t be fixed?This is what you deserve.You should have come clean.You hurt her.You promised never to do that.What if she leaves?What about Ultron?The clock is ticking.Time is running out.What about her?What about her?They’re coming.What about her?

 “Tony-” Bruce had a hand on his shoulder and Tony shot back, sitting straight up as he put a hand heavy on his chest, rubbing, itching, scratching- while he felt his heart thudding a painful disconnected rhythm- his other arm swept out, knocking Bruce off him, something about the touch overwhelming his senses and sending him into overdrive.

 He couldn’t breathe. “I just- I need a minute-” He needed a minute. And she needed time. Panic had a hard hold of him. His vision tunneled.

 They’recomingthey’recoming whataboutUltron whatabouther whatifsheleaves youdon’tdeserveher whataboutULTRON myfaultmyfaultmyfault

 “Easy, Tony- come on-”

 He was going to lose her. The earth was going to lose something greater. Which point came first?

 He needed her. He needed her right now. He was being sucked into a vacuum of space he wasn’t sure he could pull out of. Not without her help. Her guidance. Her love. But he’d shattered her trust. He’d hurt her- What if she never came back? Bruce’s voice warbled beyond his comprehension as his thoughts circled the drain.

Somethingiscoming Somethingiscoming

 Time was running out. Tony couldn’t breathe. Maybe worst of all, he couldn’t think.

How was he supposed to fix a problem like this? What would happen if he couldn’t?