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rocketink · 4 years

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YOUR EYES TELL

In which you kiss Wonwoo twice at a party while getting over your ex and now you have a huge crush on him while you try to look for your soulmate. Or, your soulmate mark means how many times you’ve kissed them and now you have to ask your exes around while trying to accept there’s no way Wonwoo’s kisses have something to do with you.

Pairing: Wonwoo x gender neutral reader

Genre: angst + fluff

wc: 2.8k (I’m sorry I keep making them so long!!)

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and maybe a curse word around there + a very hateful ex that says mean things to y/n :(

notes: credits to tiktok for this type of soulmate!! I found it very interesting haha // mingyu’s minghao’s soulmate aus! I’ve been a little lost I’m sorry, I just need to find inspiration sometimes and I wasn’t feeling like writing:( also!! Shall I continue with soulmate aus or should I start thinking about the gossip girl series?

You still don't know what to do with the number two next to a pair of drawn lips that you can see on top of your head when you watch your reflection in the mirror. This can only mean one thing: you've kissed your soulmate two times. Your mother already warned you, this type of soulmate is almost exclusively from your family, and if your counter says 0 you're in a risky position because you don't feel like kissing random people in any place of their body until you find your other half. But when the day comes and your counter already has the number two in it, you feel nothing but relief. Initially, of course, because that could only meet one thing: you have already kissed that person, a low number of times.

You want to tear your hair apart before dialing Seungkwan. He would either make a big deal out of it or be completely chill and transparent. You don't know if you like what he could tell you, but you decide to take the risk.

"I've got some big news," you say right when he picks up.

"Oh really? Me too!" He seems happy today, that's good.

"On the count to three, we'll say what we have to say, okay?" Seungkwan hums in approval and you sigh.

"I got my soulmate mark today,"

"Vernon has finally asked someone out... WAIT, WHAT?"

"It's so good that Vernon has finally risked his life asking someone out! He still has all the parts of his body doesn't he?"

"Vernon's unlucky love life is not important now, tell me everything about your mark!"

So you tell him, knowing you can explain yourself to the fullest because Seungkwan is fond of details. You tell him how you almost fainted this morning, how glad you are for not having to kiss some stranger's ass, how unsure you are of your future right now and how you can't start the list of how many people you've kissed on your own.

"Let's make a list together, then!" Seungkwan's too giddy about this, he's teasing you, and you know it, "where should we start?"

"Jeon Jungkook."

"Wait, really?"

"Yep, the first year of high school was wild, not much kissing but it was there. Then there's Im Changkyun, but we were still too young so we didn't kiss much, we mainly held hands. And then there's..."

"Kyungho..." Seungkwan whispers his name as if it was forbidden, and you almost laugh at your friend's hatred towards your latest ex.

"Seungkwan, breaking up with someone because you are not compatible is not a bad thing."

"It's not. Doing it over a text message and two weeks after you started dating and then blocking you is."

"Yeah, right." Seungkwan's right, Kyungho was an asshole to you, he behaved like a kid when you were acquaintances and it didn't change when you began dating. Throughout your two weeks of relationship, you saw him like five times because he barely made time for you. You can't remember how many times you've kissed him, but you wouldn't be surprised if only two times happened.

"Aren't you forgetting someone?" You close your eyes. This is what you didn't want Seungkwan to remind you.

"Jeon Wonwoo," You say his name in a whisper and you're afraid Seungkwan hasn't even heard you, but he always does. "What happened doesn't count, he... is not available now."

"Y/n, the universe does not care if making out with Wonwoo one night counts or not, or if he's available or not. It happened, there's a possibility, it's there."

Seungkwan is, once again, right, but you don't want to be reminded of that night, or else your feeling for Wonwoo will hurt more than they do now.

It happened the night Kyungho broke up with you. Your feeling for Kyungho weren't the big thing, but you did spend your time and effort trying to make it work. You felt tired of giving and not receiving and ashamed of him being the one to break up with you and not the other way around. Seungkwan said Mingyu was going to a party with a few friends and he invited the golden trio (you, Vernon, Seungkwan) and he didn't let you complain.

You met Jeon Wonwoo at the party. You had seen him around campus a few times, in Mingyu's group of friends, he was incredibly eye-catching. That night, Mingyu introduced both of you properly and you don't know how you started talking. You don't remember much of that night in general, your brain preferred to forget all the traumatic experience of the breakup as the shots you took with Wonwoo kicked in (not many, but you were tired and they hit hard). What you do remember is pouring out your heart to a handsome stranger, him listening to you with beautiful eyes and speaking careful words. You remember kissing him first and Wonwoo following your lead. You remember him stopping you and you almost wanting to cry as you felt his touch all over your face.

"You just want revenge, Y/n. I can't give you that," you closed your eyes, you just wanted to sleep for a while. "Come to me when your head and your heart are completely sobered. Meanwhile, we can be friends." You nodded, a little ashamed. He gave you a sweet peck on the lips and a tight hug. When you got home and thought of what had happened that night, you knew your heart didn't need Kyungho anymore, your heart needed Jeon Wonwoo.

A few daws later, Wonwoo was seen around the halls with a beautiful girl by his side, too close to him, wishing for the same lips to kiss her as you had been kissed. You know from Mingyu that they lasted for two weeks, Wonwoo broke up with the girl, but Wonwoo told you he never liked break-ups. He must be feeling sad.

It's been two weeks ever since, and you are just like you were the first day.

"So your plan is talking to each boy, one by one?" Seungkwan raises his eyebrow. He's judging you.

"Yep, do you have anything better?"

"Are you asking if I have a plan that might not damage your integrity? I'm afraid I don't."

"Then shut up, when the time to find your soulmate gets to you I might not help you." He rolls his eyes and looks at the list you've made with the four names."

"And how are you going to approach them? Do you even know where they are?"

"Jungkook is friends with Mingyu, I'll try to talk to him without Mingyu knowing... Somehow. I still follow Changkyun on Instagram, that won't be hard. The only hard one is Kyungho, I don't know anything about him, thank God"

"And Wonwoo is the most approachable one, isn't he? Why don't you talk to him first?"

"No damaging my integrity is what we are looking for, remember?"

"I still don't understand why you don't want to talk to him. He is a nice guy, he'll be very chill about anything."

You almost tell Seungkwan that that's the problem. That night shouldn't have happened, not when you were heartbroken and Wonwoo was into someone else. Maybe that's the thing that hurt you, Wonwoo liking someone else and being heartbroken because of the break-up.

"I'd better talk to Changkyun now, the sooner the better, right?"

Talking to Changkyun was both a victory and a loss. He was a good friend of yours when you were younger and it's been a lot since you last talked to him. He wasn't weirded out by the sudden soulmate topic and instead he spoke freely about it, you suddenly remember how he had always been an open-minded guy. However, he had already found his soulmate.

You move on to the next person on your list almost immediately. Talking to Jeon Jungkook without Mingyu knowing was harder than you thought it would, mainly because you know nothing about him ever since he moved a few years ago, and you can't find him on Instagram or twitter. You know the only thing you can do is ask Mingyu directly, so you get Seungkwan to do it for you.

"Why do you want Jungkook's number?" Seungkwan looks at you after Mingyu pops out the question, you expected him to just give it to you, he is not the type to get into someone's business. He must be really curious.

"Just... Woozi told me... he's looking for a singer for his new song... Yeah... that,"

"Aren't you and Dokyeom his singers?"

Seungkwan looks uneasy. He is too honest, he doesn't like lying. He keeps on looking and you and you decide to help him help you because this is not looking good.

"You know how stressed he's being lately, Mingyu," You feel Mingyu's, Seungkwan's, and Wonwoo's eyes on you, "He thinks that trying a new voice will help him,"

"Then why isn't he asking me himself?"

"Mingyu, just give them Jungkook's number, it's not that deep," Wonwoo steps in "Excuse him, ever since he found his soulmate he is not as nice as he was."

Mingyu complies as his hyung tells him and you feel your heartbeat rising. You don't talk to Wonwoo a lot after that night so listening to his voice feels like reliving the events. Especially when his eyes don't leave yours, almost as if saying 'I know you're lying'. That night, he sends you a text

Wonwoo: Have fun with Jeon Wonwoo is typing... Wonwoo is on line

Whatever he was writing, you'll never know. You couldn't answer the text either

You don't know what's funnier, Kyungho trying to delete himself from your life or you trying to locate him back. Jungkook was not your soulmate. He actually gave up his soulmate life after a very tragic story with his supposed-to-be soulmate and now he dedicates his life to art, in any of the ways. It was a sad story, you cried like a baby at your situation and then at his while he laughed softly and told you soft thing like he always did. It was gratificating.

But now, your list only points towards one direction, and that is Kyungho's old working place, a café near some beautiful parks, and an outdoor basketball court Kyungho himself used to play in. He did a lot of things but being a good boyfriend or friend, actually.

You feel scared for a second 'will he be there?', 'How will he react?' 'What if he's my soulmate?' You stopped in your tracks. You didn't want to have such an awful person as a boyfriend. Great, another fear added to your list! But when you find the guts to come inside the café and he is right there, wearing the same clothes and same hairstyle he always had, you feel like ending all this as soon as possible.

His gaze changes when he recognizes you, surprised.

"Hi, Kyungho. I know you don't want to see me, but can we talk?"

"My shift ends in ten," he speaks after a few seconds "wait for me outside"

You do as he asks. For a second, you think he might run away through the back door or something, but he complies and meets you outside the café.

"What are you doing here?" Straight to the point, as he's always done.

You roll your eyes and he keeps a straight face.

"Have you found your soulmate?"

He laughs as if you had told the funniest joke.

"What now, baby? You want me as your soulmate so bad?" You want to slap him in the face.

"Just answer my damn question."

"Why do you think I left?" Your eyes go wide. Does this mean that he... You almost feel like crying, why does your soulmate have to be him and not Wonwoo? You shouldn't have, but you must admit you had gotten your hopes up for a second. "I'm joking! You should have seen your face!"

"So... No soulmate then?" You ask, pretending to find his joke boring when you're just furious.

"No, no soulmate Y/n. I feel nothing when it comes to you." Your hand moves faster than you think, and you surprise yourself when he grabs your wrist before your hand can reach his face.

"Nice try, Y/n. Maybe try again?"

"What if I do it for them?" You could recognize that voice everywhere. Kyungho turns around and there he is, Jeon Wonwoo. He is so close to Kyungho it's almost comical: Wonwoo is a bit taller, so Kyungho looks like a defenseless animal. "I play basketball nearby, you know? I wouldn't mind using you like a ball."

Kyungho is going to make another comment, you know that, but Wonwoo doesn't let him.

"Let's go, Y/n. We have better things to do." Wonwoo puts his hands in his pockets and begins to walk and you follow him, without looking back at a very scared Kyungho.

"Do you always go around asking exes if they've found their soulmates?" He asks and you blush.

"Not really"

"I'm guessing it was not just some random thought?"

You sigh, you didn't want to have this conversation.

"No. My soulmate mark has appeared and I had to do something about it."

"Oh, how random, mine has appeared too." You want to ask him directly about it, but you can't find your voice. "It's a number, what about yours?"

"A number too"

"That's nice!" He smiles sweetly, your heart is about to burst "Which number?"

"Two"

"Oh." He looks lost in thought for a second "Well, at least it's not Kyungho"

"Yeah, I don't even know why I dated him"

"I'm wondering the same thing. You deserve so much better," how can he be so chill about all this? All you can think is how he is the last person on your list.

"Jeon isn't your soulmate either." It wasn't a question, he was just confirming it.

"How do you know... about that?"

"I told you, Mingyu is not as nice as he was. He likes to gossip now, with his soulmate. Jungkook told him how he wished you found a soulmate who treated you nicely and how comforting he found your chic-chat"

That guy...

"I guess the universe thought I deserve something else, but what could be better than Jungkook?" You joke.

"Maybe try with another Jeon?" He chuckles when you don't answer him.

Does he know...?

"Aren't you going to ask me what my number is?" He knows.

"What is your number, Wonwoo?"

"Ten." What? If Wonwoo isn't your soulmate then... You will never recover from this low blow. "You seem surprised."

"I just- I thought that maybe... You know since that night... And I might be wrong but I'm sure I've never kissed anyone else apart from my exes and you... I'm sorry, I must have made this uncomfortable."

"Oh no, absolutely not" He is trying his best to stay calm, but you can tell he's a little nervous "so your soulmate mark is how many times you've kissed them?"

"Yeah"

"Mine too" Could this be possible? That much of a coincidence?

"That's... Curious, I think"

"It is." He is looking at you again with that look, the one that says 'I know everything about you even before you do' but this time you catch up.

"You think that we..."

"There's only one way to try."

When his lips meet yours just like they did that night, you find the same comforting feeling. It's like being pulled, like magnets. You feel safe.

And then you remember something you had forgotten about that night. You were feeling sad and tired, but Wonwoo's presence made everything better, your eyes were closed. You had kissed Wonwoo for the first time but then he cut you off and told you to come back when you were sober (but you were sober!). You thought he was caressing your face slowly with his fingers, trying to comfort you, but he actually gave you a kiss.

One on your right cheek, then another one on your left, then another one at the tip of your nose. His lips moved your jaw and placed a small kiss there, then on your chin and another one very close to your mouth and finally he planted a kiss on your forehead and you opened your eyes. He then kissed the back of your hand which made both of you laugh.

It is true that you kissed him two times, and it is true that he kissed you ten.

When you parted, a small eleven was placed on top of his head with a pair of drawn lips just like yours.

"I see a three there, soulmate." He pointed to the top of your head.

"And I see an eleven there, soulmate." You do the same thing he did. He hugs you "I'm so glad it's you, Wonwoo. You don't know how confused I was, I thought you were broken-hearted because of a break-up!"

"You just made that up by yourself! You should have asked me first instead of Jungkook or Kyungho."

"I know. I was scared you would end up being my soulmate but you wouldn't like me back"

"Y/n, I'm head over heels for you." You smile and he leans closer "You know what? I hate odd numbers."

"Me too."

He kisses you one more time.

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littlemisslipbalm · 4 years

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“I am not going to join your band” Part 2

aka “I don’t know if I can join your band”

Part 2 is here with Mitch being a good best friend and slightly over protective + Harry jamming with you ;)

Word Count: 4.8k | Warnings: crying, makeouts, swearing - otherwise its pure HS1 album FLUFF

agh my Tumblr is being so complicated - I was finally about to post this and then the page quit on me and deleted the draft but we are here again so hopeful it works!! PLEASE give me feedback - I love to know what y’all think and let me know if anyone wants a part 3!

Part 1!

Later in the Day

It was nearing the end of the official workday, the day when you had played for the entire crew that was working on Harry’s album. The stress of the day and the work you had done with Harry and Mitch on the song had made you more tired than you had ever been after any previous day in the studio.

“Y/N, would you mind staying late tonight? I want to keep working on the song from earlier and I want your input since it’s your tune after all.”

You sat on an empty couch and looked up at Harry. “But Mitch is my ride?” you asked. “Oh...I mean I already assumed he was staying, but I can go check with him?” Harry gave a quick wink and then turned on his heel, quickly disappearing from your sight.

Of course, right then, Mitch walked through the opposite door, looking down at his phone. He glanced up and saw you, then he slowly switched his course to sit beside you.

You leaned your head on his shoulder, the sweater he wore today was soft with black and dark purple stripes. You had given it to him for Christmas this past year. He usually only wore it for special occasions so you had been a bit surprised to see it on him today.

“You look tired,” Mitch said as he reached around to your shoulder and gave you a light pet.

“Harry wants us to stay and work on the piece I played earlier,” was all you responded, ignoring his previous statement.

Mitch stiffened up, slightly, and rustled his body, making you lift your head from his shoulder and look at him inquisitively. “I can’t stay late tonight,” was all he said, his face unreadable and his eyes not willing to meet yours.

“Mitch, what’s up?” your eyes filled with concern, “Are you feeling alright? Do you think you’ve caught a cold?”

Mitch’s eyes flashed around the room, making sure the two of you wouldn’t be overheard. Then he turned to you, moving one leg to rest underneath him, the other hanging off the couch.

He whispered, “I’m going on a date with Sarah tonight.”

“Oh.” You didn’t know what else to say.

You still loved Mitch and he had found Sarah. Admittedly, they were perfect together, and you had never seen him smile so much with anyone else besides you - and Harry, now.

And you knew, you knew the way he looked at Sarah was never the way he looked at you. Maybe you had never had anything to compare it with before or maybe all this time you had been deluding yourself, but Mitch never looked passionately at you, with the fire of admirance and love in his eyes - it seemed to be reserved only for Sarah.

Sarah was wonderful, you and her got along well, and she put up with Mitch’s idiosyncrasies. If anyone was taking Mitch away from you, you guessed you had to be lucky it was Sarah. Still, you couldn’t help the lump in your throat that you had when Mitch told you his news.

“Well,” you looked away from Mitch’s gleaming eyes, “I’ll just ask Harry if he can give me a lift home when we’re done here. Enjoy your date, Mitch. You deserve to be happy.”

Mitch noticed the look on your face and he felt horrible. You were his best friend so he had wanted to tell you about how excited he was for this. It had been so hard for him to finally ask Sarah out rather than just hanging out with her in a group. He only had been able to do it with the help of Harry, who had kept encouraging him to go for it everyday. But Mitch knew how you felt about him. He liked to pretend he didn’t notice, he liked to think everything you did for him was just best friend stuff, but at the end of the day he knew it wasn’t. The look on your face just now confirmed that.

He wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’ but he wasn’t sure that would actually help the situation.

So he said, “Thanks, Y/N…” and you thought that was it, but then he continued, “You know what, you deserve to be happy, too. I know Harry’s been asking you to join the band and I know you’ve been saying no, but maybe, reconsider. This is our chance to do something with our lives, bigger than we ever could have hoped. C’mon, we say we’re happy living these boring, quiet lives, but I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve been with you when you were in high school, laying on the roof of my car, looking up at the stars, saying, ‘Ya’wanna’know my wildest dream, Mitch? My wildest dream is to get the fuck outta here and make a name for myself. Be somebody. Not be some forgotten name in this town’s tiny cemetery with a headstone that reads: ‘She lived a happy, boring, uneventful life here and now she’s fucking dead’.”

Silence.

Mitch wasn’t one to go on a tangent, more of a wise word interjected here and there man. Random thoughts sometimes, but a paragraph worth of words, almost never.

“That was a little hyperbolic of me,” was your only response.

Mitch looked at you, obviously not satisfied at your response. You sighed. “I’ll think about it,” you resigned.

Mitch said, “Good,” and ruffled the hair on top of your head before exiting the room.

You sat back and ran your hands over your face, it was hot in the room, the air feeling like you were swimming and couldn’t get to the surface. You let out a loud huff and closed your eyes.

“Mitch not staying?” Your eyes flashed open.

Harry stood just inside the doorway of the room. “I’m assuming you found him first and he told you he couldn’t stay.”

“How do you figure that?”

You sat up and looked at Harry, his arms were crossed over his chest, pushing his biceps up, making them look more prominent. He then moved quickly to sit in the wheely chair across from the couch. He sat in it and swiveled around, scooting closer to you and looking directly in your eyes.

“From the look on your face, you seem upset. And when I went to look for him, I couldn’t find him and then got held up on my way back to you. So, he must’ve found you first.”

You sighed again. You really didn’t think talking about it would make you feel better, but Harry obviously could tell there was something wrong and he wasn’t the kind of guy to just ignore it.

“Yeah,” you balked at the eye contact Harry was trying to maintain and looked at your pair of feet between the two of you.

Harry was wearing some black old skool vans, you were wearing checkered ones that looked a bit more worn in. “You have big feet,” you continued, trying to change the course of discussion, you suspected where it was going.

“Y/N,” Harry rested a hand on your knee, pleading for you to be serious, and you flashed your eyes back to his face.

“You’re in love with him, yeah?”

Harry’s tone was serious, but he asked it softly, scared that you might take offense to the intrusive question. The question echoed in your mind, bouncing off the walls repeating itself. Then tears welled up in your eyes, you couldn’t stop them and finally you couldn’t stop from blinking either.

The tears slid down your face, “I-I, uh, know he’s falling for Sarah.” You sniffled, but continued, “And I’m happy for him, I really am, all I’ve ever wanted for him is to be happy. He’s...my best friend, but I had always hoped that he’d want to be happy with me…”

You couldn’t stand this rush of emotion and the fact that you were now sobbing in front of Harry. You sank onto the back of the couch, leaning forward and covering your face again.

Harry looked on as you fell apart in front of him. It pained him to see you like this. He had liked getting to know your infectious spirit over the past weeks. It was quiet, but it was there below the surface, just asking to be let out.

He reached out and took your hands from your face. You looked up, eyes puffy and red already, as he cradled your face in one hand and held yours in the other.

“Hey, shhh, Darling, don’t cry please,” he whispered. His thumb ran over your cheek, swiping quickly away at the tears leaving your eyes.

You tried to stop, but you couldn’t.

“Oh, Darling, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” Harry muttered after a few more minutes passed of your weeping and his attempts at trying to comfort you.

“‘S not your fault, really,” you choked out, still trying to take deep breaths and get yourself under control.

After one more deep breath, you felt the tears stopping their flow, and your watery eyes looking into Harry’s intense stare.

“I was ready to cry the minute Mitch told me he was going on a date with Sarah tonight. I was trying to calm myself down when you came in. You probably could’ve said ‘want some dinner?’ and I would’ve started sobbing about how Mitch’s favorite meal is dinner.” You weakly laughed and Harry’s lips quirked up slightly, still feeling terrible for you.

He ran a hand softly over your hair, “Do ya’ want some? Some dinner?” voice still staying low, yet taking on a lighter tone.

His voice helped soothe you out of your sadness. It was melodic even when he spoke, his accent could make anything sound good.

He starts to go on about how there’s probably some food left that would be good, but you cut him off, “Harry, I’m not really hungry.”

“Oh...well,” he sat silent for a moment, “What always helps me when I’m sad is pouring those emotions into my work. Write some of my favorite stuff like that.”

You began to smile for the first time, almost all day, “I’d like that.” Your voice cracked a bit, your throat was definitely sore from the sobs that you kept emitting while you had cried over Mitch.

“Alright, let’s get in there, then,” Harry jerked his head to the studio behind him and fixed his grasp in your hand. He pulled you to your feet and into the next room.

The two of you set to work, you on the piano and him on the guitar. You talked about the chord progressions and how it sounded, but otherwise you didn’t speak much.

You appreciated Harry for sticking with you in your rough time, for being there for you.

“Wait, play that again..” Harry heard you had tweaked the sound of the melody. You played it on the piano - “I like that, do you think you can play it on the guitar?”

“Yeah, I guess,” you rose from the piano stool and took the guitar from Harry. You shut your eyes and tried to picture the chords in your mind, you had never been as good at guitar. Mitch had taught you a little bit and you’d strummed a bit more these past few weeks, but it was definitely a challenge for you.

You opened your eyes after a minute and placed your fingers on the first chord and jumped into the progression.

“Keep playing that,” Harry said. Then, he began to sing, “Sweet Creature…” he looked straight at you.

You didn’t notice as you focused on keeping the progression the same and keeping the tempo Harry had liked from earlier.

“Had another talk about where it’s going wrong,” at these words you looked up from the guitar. Your playing cut off and your eyes met Harry’s.

He licked his lips and looked expectantly at you. “That was amazing, Harry!”

His brows knit together, he thought you had gotten upset from the words. He thought it was so obvious he was singing about you, but you simply complimented his art, oblivious to him drawing from you and Mitch and himself.

“Yeah, that was pretty good, I’ll write it down, but do you want to work on something else for now, don’t want to overwork this one. I’ll probably figure out the rest of lyrics on my own.” Harry said quickly, wanting to move forward, slightly embarrassed.

You nodded, but you were confused that Harry wanted to move one when you were making so much progress.

“We should probably get going,” Harry said after checking his phone for the time.

You knew it was late, but it hadn’t bothered you. Staying late, working on songs with just Harry, it had helped to take your mind off of Mitch and Sarah. This was the beginning of a new chapter for you. One where you weren’t going to pine over Mitch.

You nodded and began to gather your things scattered around the studio.

Harry and you had eventually ended up laying on the floor, heads towards each other, staring at the ceiling. The first few hours had been productive, honestly, you’d worked through some kinks in various songs in progress. But after hour three, the exhaustion was getting to both of you and the creative juices had run out.

You laid there, together, Harry strumming his guitar idly as you talked about nothing in particular, that is, until Harry saw the time.

“So…” you started after you had settled into Harry’s car.

Harry glanced at you, ready to drive off, but wanting to know what you had to say first.

“I’ve been thinking about your offer for me, for me to play keys on tour.” You expected Harry to say something, but he looked at you waiting for you to continue.

“I,” you stopped, taking a deep breath and sighing heavily, “It would be a great opportunity, I just don’t know yet- I don’t know if I can join your band.” You looked down at your hands, you felt silly, still not giving Harry a real answer, when he continued to ask you to join.

“Nothing has to be decided right now...it’s better than ‘I’m not going to join your band’ - it’s not a ‘no’ - and I can work with that.”

You laughed, slightly relieved at his response, and rested your head on your palm, your arm situated on the car door windowsill, a sparkle appearing in your eyes as you looked over at Harry.

After this, he drove you to your apartment, and you sat listening to the soothing songs of Harry’s playlist emit from the speakers. You spoke only when Harry needed directions back to your home.

“‘Ere we are,” Harry said as you pulled up to the front of your apartment. You noticed his voice got deeper and slower the later it got in the day.

You didn’t know how to get out and leave.

Like you did, of course, but usually when Mitch gave you a ride home you would give him a hug, but this wasn’t Mitch, it was Harry. You felt weird not doing anything to say a meaningful goodbye, especially after what Harry had done for you tonight - distracting you from your sadness and channeling it elsewhere.

Maybe Harry noticed your fidgeting because he grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze. “Hope ya’ have a nice night, yeah?” Then he gave you one of his smiles that could make world peace possible.

“Thank you...for everything, really means a lot,” you gave his much larger hand a squeeze back.

“Ouch! Trynna kill me?” Harry yanked your clasped hands up as if he’d just been burned. He teased you and you both burst into a hearty laugh despite your sleepiness.

“Goodnight, Harry!” You sang as you pulled away from his grasp and exited the car. You gave him a little twirl and dance once you were out of the car. He then watched you practically dance into your apartment building, only driving off once you were safely inside.

If there was one thing you had learned over the past month, it was that you could trust Harry and he’d be there for you. It was nice to know you had someone you could rely on beside Mitch.

One week later

You rolled your eyes at Harry, “Oh my god,” dragging out the words. He was teasing you in the studio, chasing after you in order to pick you up and swing you around.

He had been being silly all day, constantly calling you in between takes, running around, making jokes. He was in a good mood today. You didn’t know why.

After last week's breath through with what Harry called Sweet Creature, the album work had gotten a lot easier. Things flowed much quicker and everyone’s moods were brightened by it. But, you didn’t think it constituted the way Harry was being today.

Lunchtime rolled around in the middle of a meeting in the soundboard room, you noticed instantly that Harry’s mood had changed.

He was hunched over the tech, fiddling with various buttons - even after the technicians insisted he let them deal with it, he couldn’t be stopped. “Just need to…” he mumbled to himself and then trailed off.

You all sat there in slight confusion because you had thought he had called everyone into the room for some specific reason. However, after a few moments of his inattention to everyone, you realized he had forgotten he had called the meeting.

“Hey, Harry, it’s lunchtime,” Adam said after people had to become restless with inaction.

“Oh? We can talk about the song later then, I guess,” Harry said, barely moving his attention away from his work.

People filed out, but you stayed put, only moving to Harry’s side when the room had emptied.

“What’re you doing?” He didn’t even bother with a response or a glance thrown your way. “You were so happy earlier, what happened?”

“Just want it to be perfect…” Harry finally spoke up, his voice coming out muffled but he still wasn’t paying attention to you.

He waved you off when you tried to get him to explain more, but eventually you grew annoyed. You puffed out an angry sigh and stalked out of the room with a gruff “Fine.”

Harry never joined you for lunch and your annoyance changed back to concern. Not only were you technically third-wheeling with Mitch and Sarah, but you knew Harry skipping lunch was a sign of him overworking himself. You excused yourself from the new couple and went to search for Harry, it was an hour into lunch now.

You finally found him in a back room, it mainly stored broken instruments and other random crap someone had forgotten to get rid of or fix.

“Harry,” you breathed out, thankful to find him.

He looked up from where he sat on the ground. You now noticed he wasn’t just sitting there. He had been crying, his eyes how yours had been just a week ago, bloodshot and filled with pain.

“What if it’s not good enough? What if...what if I’m not good enough?”

You rushed to Harry at the sound of his voice cracking. His voice filled with confusion, anxiety, and pain. His self-doubt pulled at your heartstrings. How could someone so wonderful not see that they were so talented and loved.

“Hey now,” you crouched down next to him and pulled him into your chest.

“Do not ever. And I mean ever,” you pushed his head back to force him to meet your eyes, “let anyone - including yourself- tell you you’re not good enough, Harry Styles. Because you are more than enough and this album, it’s gonna be amazing and people are going to love it. I just know it.”

You sat with him while his tears rolled down his beautiful face. Just one week ago, he had been there when you were at a low moment and now you were there for him.

“How’d you know to come find me?” Harry asked after a few minutes of shaky deep breaths attempting to calm himself back down.

You rubbed your hand across his broad back in circular motions. “Didn’t. But it’s an hour into lunch and if you’re late it’s never more than thirty minutes and if you plan to eat in the studio and work, you grab it first thing and go back. I noticed you were off in your head in the soundboard room earlier, so I thought I’d check around for you,” you said like it was the most logical thing in the world to know Harry’s exact habits.

Then you added, “I was concerned about you.”

Harry raised his head and you brushed his hair from his face once more. His green eyes appeared a darker shade in this moment, the room was dimly lit and his tears had tired him out. You liked touching his hair, it was soft and lush, your fingers combing easily through the locks.

You returned his stare and his eyes seemed to search yours. “I’m very thankful you’re in my life, Y/N,” was all he said after the silent stare.

“I’m very thankful for you, too,” you started sincerely, and then decided to poke some fun at him, attempting to lighten the heavy feeling in the room, “Even if you pester me constantly and are always incessantly talking my ear off…”

Harry’s face twisted into a smug smirk and threw his arms around you, “Oh, is that how you want to play it?”

He pulled you to him in a hug and then yanked the two of you back with a weird thrash of his body, you couldn’t contain the squeal that left your mouth. His movements caused you two to end up laying on the ground with Harry on his back and you right on top of him.

“Look at what you’ve done,” you said, mock exasperated, your faces extremely close together as you laid against one another.

As much as you didn’t like being yanked around, you were happy that Harry was moving past his self-doubt and feeling like his usual happy self.

“Looks great from where I’m at,” he stated proudly, his smirk now a wide grin, “How ‘bout you? How’s your view?” Harry’s words set your heartbeat racing.

Your noses could have touched if you let your neck relax a few millimeters. And his hands were around your waist holding you tightly, while yours were on his chest. You didn’t realize how warm he was until this moment. Had he always been this warm? Or was it the crying? Or the small room? Your mind raced alongside your heartbeat. Everything inside you was practically burning from your current position.

“It’s quite lovely,” you admitted. Your neck was starting to hurt from holding it up at this odd angle, so you decided to relax it. Now your nose was touching Harry’s. His skin brushing soft up against yours. You didn’t miss when Harry’s breath hitched at the contact. His arms encircled your body more and gripped you more tightly. Then you felt him begin to sit up and your legs fell around his body.

When you were fully upright, you were straddling him, your bodies closer than you thought possible in this position. Your chest was so tight to his you could feel your breasts aching from the pressure. It was silent, just Harry’s and your breathing filling the space. The air was thick to breathe. This tension you didn’t realize existed between you and Harry had become unmistakably clear in the past few minutes. Friends do not do whatever was going on right here, but you were okay with that. Harry’s nose matched up with yours again in this shifted position, his eyes trained on yours.

You parted your lips, wanted to say something to break the tension, but the movement caused Harry’s gaze to flicker down to your pink lips. They looked so sweet to him and you knew the look he gave you when he renewed eye contact. You fluttered your eyelids closed and one of Harry’s hands slipped up to brush at your cheek and tilt your head. Then, his lips fell onto yours.

They were soft, yet tasted a bit salty from stray tears around his mouth. You smiled, pressing back into his mouth eager to feel more warmth in your contact with him. He slipped his tongue into your open mouth, licking into you softly. Your body pressed down onto him and he shuddered from the movement. One hand traveled down to your hip to grip you in place as your kissing continued.

“Eager little girl, hmm?” Harry teasingly said, pulling away after the second time you practically rolled your hips over his during your makeout session.

You took one of your hands that was gripping the base of his neck and patted him lightly on the cheek, “Hey!” you giggled at his feigned look of shock.

You started to tell him to watch his mouth, but then the door opened, and Mitch’s figure appeared. He took in the sight in front of him. His childhood best friend straddling his new best friend on the ground of a glorified trash can of a room.

He shook his head and raised his brows at you both. “Lunch is over, neither of you were answering your phones. Should have known I would walk in on something like this.” Your jaw was dropped in disbelief. “I’ll leave you two to, um, finish up,” Mitch closed the door and walked away.

“We can talk about this later,” you said quickly and swung one leg from around Harry, fumbling to make yourself look more presentable and less like you had just had what was turning into a hot and heavy makeout session with the boss, technically. Then you ran after Mitch. He hadn’t gotten far, his long legs not meaning much when he didn’t really choose to utilize them.

“Mitch!” You grabbed his shoulder and he kind of shrugged you off.

He looked down at you, silent. Normally, you weren’t fazed by his silence, but right now you needed him to speak, you could tell walking in on you and Harry had been unpleasant for him even if what you had been doing wasn’t x-rated.

“Wait up, c’mon, talk to me, please,” you begged him.

He sighed and leaned against the hallway’s wall. His body slumped there and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Y/N, what the hell are you doing? I said ‘think about joining his band, not his harem.’”

“Ok, he doesn’t-” you started, but Mitch continued, cutting you off. “Like, I don’t get how you think it’s a good idea to be sleeping with Harry.” His voice was hushed, but his tone was angry. It was like he was whisper-shouting at you.

“Mitch, first of all, I am not sleeping with Harry. That was the first time, anything like that had ever happened between us. Second, I told him to wait so I could talk to you first about it, so if you’re really uncomfortable with it, I won’t kiss him again.”

It had only been a week since Mitch had started dating Sarah and loving him for your entire life wasn’t going to go away in seven days, even if it felt good to kiss Harry, you wouldn’t do anything that might hurt Mitch.

And Mitch knew that, and he also knew he couldn’t be with Sarah and tell you not to be with someone you were interested in. Harry and you could be a good thing for you, but if all it was was a coping mechanism for you to get over Mitch that wouldn’t be fair to Harry, who was also Mitch’s friend. He just wished he’d never opened that door now. Ignored it and kept walking, let someone else find you and Harry.

“You don’t need my permission,” Mitch responded.

“What?”

“Saying you wouldn’t be with him based on my opinion means you would change how you feel just because of me. You shouldn’t base your choices off of someone else.”

“I just meant, because you're my best friend and you're close with Harry, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable with either of us.”

“Y/N, if you want my blessing, you’ve got it. Just make sure both of you are there for the right reasons.”

You smiled at Mitch, who still looked off put by the entire situation. You reached out to him and he pushed off the wall to meet your hug halfway. His substantial body enveloped you like a dark cocoon, Mitch had dressed head to toe in black today.

This was new territory for both of you, finding yourself people who might just be perfect for you. It was daunting, but you were excited.

—

Thanks again!! Part 3 is up!

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #i am not going to join your band #mitch do be lowkey angry at the end #but his vibe is so chill you can barely tell #also he got to speak!!#yay #mitch x reader #mitch rowland x reader

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ramblyimagines · 4 years

Text

New Year’s kisses!

With -> Aizawa, Mic, Hawks, Midnight, Ms. Joke and Fatgum! After such a crappy year, let’s give the pros some love!

Nemuri Kayama (Midnight)

Nemuri LOVES New Year’s celebrations!!! She loves getting all dressed up and going to the club but that’s obviously not happening this year

So instead, she’ll get all dressed up to stay home! And insist that you do too! She’ll be right there by your side the entire time to chat or gossip and compliment you every five seconds while you pick out your outfit and do your hair

She isn’t the best cook in the world but she can make a few dishes that are just...so warm. You can taste the love she put into cooking them! But tonight she isn’t feeling like a fancy dinner. So she whips up a huge bowl of ramen with thick chunks of pork thrown in as well as veggies! And of course some eggs!

You can’t help but laugh when you sit to eat together cause...holy cow! Neither of you can eat that much!! Looks like you’ll have leftovers for lunch tomorrow! And the day after!

She takes it upon herself to put a towel around your shoulders to act as a bib so you don’t spill food down the front of you. She’ll tease you about it as if she isn’t wearing one too “Awww look at you! So cuuuteee! Like a big baby!”

Neither of you pick up after dinner besides putting the leftovers in the fridge for later. The dishes can wait! You’ve got each other all to yourselves...might as well make the most of it.

You dance together, hands all over each other, unable to resist the urge...You’re kissing long before the countdown begins :0

She puts a finger against your lips, pausing to smile at the firework display visible from your apartment “Looks like we missed it. Oh well, you’re not going anywhere anyway. Happy new year, honey”

You’ll get plenty of kisses to make up for it! And much more :0 You’ll return the favor too of course! She deserves it :’)

Cont...

Shouta Aizawa (Eraserhead)

Shouta managed to get the night off so despite it being a holiday, he’s not wasting this opportunity to rest

He’ll order some really shitty takeout and have a movie marathon! He lets you pick the movies and konks out halfway through the first one

If you really want him to stay up he will but is it really that important to stay up? Just set an alarm for 11:55pm and call it good!

Being the persuasive little shit he is, he’ll probably get you to curl up and nap with him. I mean...it’s hard to resist when he’s so warm and his hugs are so inviting

You turn the tv down and set the channel to where the countdown would be later tonight so you can rest together

Sure enough, your alarm goes off just as planned! You gently shake him awake so you can watch the last pre-countdown performance of the night together

You count down along with the announcer and once it hits zero, Shouta smiles :) he pulls you down for a lazy, tired kiss, his hands running up and down your back ‘Happy new year...can we go to bed now? It’s so late...’ Of course you can’t say no to that handsome face

Emi Fukukado (Ms. Joke)

Emi has been planning this for awhile!! She bought party poppers, silly hats, board games, noise makers- all kinds of stuff to make your night together special!

She keeps the countdown channel on all day long, watching the speeches and performances from celebrities “Ooo!!! I didn’t know they were performing!!! So cool!!”

Her eyes light up as she watches, practically bouncing in her seat while crushing your hand in her grip

You eat tons of popcorn and candy while playing charades, Twister and Mario Kart on her Switch. Some other games she brings out are tough to play with two people but eventually, you guys just make up your own rules! It’s more fun that way!

She jumps for joy when the countdown starts! She gets her party popper ready and fixes your hat “Here we go!!! TEN! NINE! EIGHT!-“

You both pop your confetti poppers and laugh as it rains down on you. She grabs you and dips you with a grin “Here comes your kiss, sweetheart!” Your silly, giggly kiss slowly melts into a warm, loving one

“I’m so happy that I got to spend this year with you! I wouldn’t wanna be with anyone else. Let’s kick 2021’s ass together, what do you say?”

Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic)

Hizashi is beyond excited to be spending New Years with you! He’s got all kinds of snacks dumped out into big ol’ bowls and soda in champagne glasses since he isn’t exactly the biggest fan of alcohol

His hair is down and the ‘Present Mic’ facade is gone for the night so you’ve really got Hizashi all to yourself :)

He has a whole playlist made of songs you guys enjoyed together throughout the year! He frequently pauses songs to reminisce with you ‘OH! Remember when we went to the beach and that kid totally face planted in the sand? This song was playing!’ He remembers these moments so clearly just cause he associates then with songs! There’s plenty of moments that he loves to remember

You two don’t tune into the countdown or the pre-countdown performances or speeches. Instead, you play Guitar Hero!! It gets so competitive that you find yourselves sweaty and out of breath by the end of the final game before you realize ‘oh shit! Thirty seconds to midnight!’

You fumble with the remote and just barely make it! “5...4...3...2...1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Hizashi whoops and yells, pulling you into a sweaty hug ‘WOHOO!! This is gonna be our year babe I just know it!’

Before you can even get a word out he smushes your lips together. It isn’t exactly romantic or anything but you two are smiling and giggling like idiots anyways :)

Now that you’ve caught your breath...How about Guitar Hero round two? He’s not gonna go easy on ya this time!

Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fatgum)

Boy oh boy! You’re in for a fun night!!

Instead of staying in the whole day, you’ll be running all over the city together to pick up food from different restaurants so you can have a bit of everything together back at home! It’s mostly appetizers and little desserts :)

Back at home, you share your dinner while looking at pictures on your phones. Tai gets so excited when talking about his interns and coworkers. Looking back through these photos shows him how much they’ve improved in just a year! Wow!

He’ll also pull up horrible pictures of you just to mess around “What!? I like this one! Oh don’t give me that look- I’m not gonna delete it!!”

Once it starts getting dark you’ll curl up on the couch to flip through channels, maybe settling on a movie or crappy soap opera to watch until it’s time for the countdown

People are setting off fireworks before it even hits midnignt so the two of you make your way outside to watch from your balcony. Tai looks especially handsome all lit up under the colorful lights...He thinks the same about you too

That’s where you have your midnight kiss too, under the fireworks while people celebrate in the streets below. You can’t stay out there too long though! It’s cold!

Eventually you tumble back inside to dive back under your warm blankets on the sofa, hugging each other close

You don’t even know what time it is when you fall asleep but you’ll wake up in the morning to a super sore neck and Tai drooling on your shirt as he lays on you... Better take a picture as revenge for earlier! >:)

Keigo Takami (Hawks)

Keigo got stuck on patrol but that won’t stop him from coming home to celebrate anyway!

You get frequent texts from him letting you know where in the city he is. He’s desperate to get home cause you’re his one and only New Years kiss!!

You’re home alone until 11:30pm rolls around. You left the window for your shared apartment open so he could get in but you weren’t expecting him to fly full speed through the window!!

He nearly collides with the wall, quickly righting himself and throwing his arms up in the air triumphantly “Look what I got! Just for us, chickadee!” ...It’s a bucket of KFC. It is a tradition after all!

Keigo insists you sit while he fixes you a plate. You two usually don’t eat in the livingroom but tonight can be an exception!

He’s still in his hero costume, his feathers are disheveled from flying and there’s a smudge of dirt on his cheek. Not to mention, he’s absolutely tearing into a chicken breast. Wow...you really are in love, huh?

When you two are done with your feast, he clings onto you, resting his head on your shoulder while his wings curl around you “Sooooo....What was your favorite thing you did this year?”

“That’s a tough one. I got to spend so much time with you so...I’d say every day was my favorite!” And just like that you broke the poor guy :( he starts crying and kisses your cheek. He can’t help it!! He’s an emotional guy :( “Birdie :( I didn’t expect you to say thaaaatttt :(“

For the countdown, you sway side to side together with content smiles. Your New Years kiss is soft and sweet, a little short lived but oh well. You’ll get plenty more kisses later

You wipe the dirt and grease off of his face for him before he leaves again! And a playful slap on the ass for good luck ;)

“Hey!! Knock it off!” He’ll get you back when he comes back home :0

#everyone’s hoppin on the New Years kiss train right now #but that’s a-ok!!#we all need a hug and a kiss rn :’)#mha #bnha #nemuri kayama #hizashi yamada #shouta aizawa #emi fukukado #keigo takami #taishiro toyomitsu #fatgum #Hawks #midnight #present mic #eraserhead #I am so bad at tagging bruh ALSJAKKAKA

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hottie0 · 3 years

Text

k so i had an idea for a chameron ao3 series of all the fics being conan gray songs but i got lazy and only wrote 1.5 stories for it so because i’m not acc gonna do it imma share the ideas i had cuz someone might find them useful so (btw these will be copied directly from notes the first time i wrote them, they can also be used for other ships if u want but i made them for chameron):

grow: a year after hs cam and charlie run into eachother in vermont and then u see a bunch of flashbacks of old nights and things at welton. they exchange numbers at the end or smth. (i did this one)

idle town: charlie can’t sleep at his new school. he reminisces and whatever. a little more focused on cam. he looks over at the other side of the room but cam isn’t there anymore. instead it’s his new roommate who he doesn’t even know the last name of. end it somehow.

generation why: pre-canon cam and charlie just talking on the roof. banter. romantics ensue on cams behalf. charlie doesn’t feel the same way. that’s why charlie treats him the way he does.

crush culture: charlie pining after cam. a bunch of little things cam does to push charlie over the edge. charlie talks to neil and neil says cam likes him too. he doesn’t. charlie kisses cam one night while studying and cam rejects him and they argue. this is the night of neils death. that’s why cam didn’t find out through charlie and everything hurt a little bit more than it should’ve.

greek god: cameron’s being made fun of all the time by charlie and he knows charlie likes him and idk tbh this one got deleted and idk what i had written

lookalike: pre-neils death cam and charlie dated in their time at welton then broke up which caused tension going into senior year. the dead poets knew. when the dps started charlie got a gf and wouldn’t stop talking about her. her name was elaine. he brought her to a meeting and she looks just like cam. damn.

the other side: falling out of love. the process.

the king: cameron accidentally reads a poem charlie had written for/about him. he stresses all day and acts weird. everyone else is like ??? at night cam decides f it and confronts him. it ends cute

comfort crowd: night time. tomorrow morning charlie was meant to leave welton so all his stuff was packed up. hed already punched cam so it was tense. to say the least. cam randomly gets up out of bed and charlie is like wtf?? cam fuddles around then he’s like “u coming” they go to the cave and have a meaningful talk and if they end up cuddling then that’s their business

wish you were sober: charlie and cameron get drunk in their dorm. cam can’t hold his alcohol well so he gets wayy more drunk. he tells charlie some personal shit. some of which includes the fact that he used to have feelings for charlie. charlie has feelings for cam. he’s sad and sends cam to bed.

maniac: short one. they’re at the same bar a few years later. not with eachother but cam knows charlie’s there. charlie is talking shit abt cam and calling him weird and blah blah. but just that night, charlie had called cam desperate after years. cam thinks abt everything. he gets up and leaves but doesn’t leave w/o saying a big ol’ f u to charlie. this ones so mean to charlie. sucks. anyways.

online love): they’re doing long distance because charlie got expelled. they break up over the phone. aw. make it depressing. maybe by them being interrupted before rly saying goodbye and shii.

checkmate: they’re playing chess idk i couldn’t think of anything better. just cute and fluffy cuz i say so.

the cut that always bleeds: cameron is in a problematic relationship w a girl he met at uni. they just went through one of their fight episodes. cam went back to his room but he needed company. he decides to go to charlie’s dorm for comfort. but they haven’t spoke since that evening years ago. charlie says “i thought i’d never see you again” yadda yadda cam tells charlie everything and they just hold eachother. the gf is like “plz take me back” so cam does and he never sees charlie ever again. cry abt it.

fight or flight: charlie has a gf but little does he know she’s cheating on him. he ends up catching her with her side piece in their apartment. it’s cameron. there’s a whole wtf moment and the gf is like “u two know eachother???”. cams like “i swear i didn’t know” the girl leaves but cam stays. they argue or whatever or just talk not sure yet. then they kiss and charlie says something dumb and it ends. also cameron is hot as shit in this btw.

affluenza: probs short. when charlie is getting ready to leave cam is like “so money can’t buy happiness” and charlie’s like tf did u say to me. they talk abt where charlie’s going and whatnot and money. “i can’t do the things you do charlie, don’t you get anything” charlie leaves feeling a bit more guilty.

(can we be friends?): cam and charlie’s life growing up together. cute moments of them falling for the other. “now charlie knows why he and cameron could never be friends.”

heather: charlie and knox are together. cameron likes charlie. one night charlie is drunk and it’s just cam and him in the dorm. charlie ends up kissing cameron as a joke and cameron doesn’t know. there’s a fic like this. after the kiss it’s never the same. knox doesn’t know what happened. cameron has to watch them be all buddy buddy and shit- even if they’re not out to the rest of the group, cam knows. cameron knows not to interfere with their relationship no matter how much he wants to. he chooses to sit and watch and keep all his feelings inside.

little league: charlie stops by a cafe one night because he has nothing else to do. it turns out it’s open mic night. someone gets up to read. that someone is cameron. cameron performs a poem called little league. charlie remembers things. he leaves before the poem is over. /OR/ Cameron is an adult, he's a doctor or smth bouj, he has a family, a house, the embodiment of the american middle aged straight white man dream life. But sometimes, in secret, he takes Welton's Yearbook out of the shelf, and he traces Charlie face, and he remembers.

the story: cameron and charlie are late-night swimming in the lake together. they’re fantasizing abt whatever and charlie says “we should run away” they continue the convo like they did the others. a few days later charlie brings it up again, seriously this time. “what? dalton are you on something?” no. they get into an argument and shit. about a week later cameron wakes up to charlie sneaking out, but this isn’t sneaking out like dps meeting sneaking out, he’s running away. cam: “charlie? what are you doing up?” charlie: “this is your last chance. you coming?” cam: *thinks* no.

fake: ratting on keating and more angsty mess

overdrive: first kiss moment. they’re meant to be studying but they got distracted and are just talking instead. charlie’s like “cam have u ever kissed sum1” cam: “i think u know the answer to that dalton” charlie: “do you want to” cam: “ha! that’s a laugh! who can i find within a mile of here that i could kiss” charlie: me. whole carpe diem whatever- “charlie are you kidding do you know what would happen if someone found out!?” “so i won’t let them” but they kiss and it’s cute

astronomy: au: cam never ratted out keating but neil still died but just that whole thing never happened. ok. ever since neil died both cam and char were different. their relationship was tense. before it had been perf and everyone was envious of them but after neil everything changed. cameron was more agressive and easily irritable. charlie was more reserved and quiet. they tried to fix it but they decided it would be best to split. they still saw eachother in hallways and stuff, but were no longer roommates. after a couple months, they were strangers.

people watching: a view on the cameron/charlie relationship from other people. they’re opposites obv. when ppl were first informed they were taken aback to say the least. but when they see how they are together they get it yk? yeah u do.

ur welcome for my genius guys u need it.

#chameron #dead poets society #dps boys #charlie dalton #richard cameron

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alpacaparkaseok · 4 years

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Where you should be

Chapter 3: Nemesism

Genre: Hobi x oc

Warnings: this series contains stalking, blackmail, and similar stressful/fear inducing situations. Also unrequited love, which is perhaps the most terrifying of all.

Word Count: 3.8k

Guys! Last chapter was a bit of a downer lol. I wish I could say that all of this gets resolved quickly and easily, but that’s no fun. So enjoy!

Nemesism (n.) frustration or anger directed against oneself

The next morning I hardly see Hobi. He eats early, making me a smoothie and leaving it on the counter with my name.

Well, with a sticky note that says ‘Sunny’.

I can hear his music blasting from his room where he’s getting ready, it’s loud enough that he doesn't hear my loud breathing as I close my eyes and try to focus on just getting through this morning.

When it’s time for us to leave Hobi walks out into the living room to find me standing awkwardly before the window, staring out of it like I just might flee the scene before he can see me.

“Do-yun sent a car for you, it should be outside.”

They’re the first words he says to me all morning, and they have me turning around from where I stand before the window, the meaning behind his words enough to rake through my already shredded heart.

“Hobi-”

Just as I begin to speak he turns away, starting to walk from the room. A heartbeat later finds me striding toward him, throwing caution to the wind.

“Jung Hoseok, don’t you dare do this to me. Don’t you dare,” I jump in front of him, putting a stop to his escape. He keeps his eyes trained on the hallway beyond. “You’re going to start being all weird and distant, and I can’t...I can’t-”

My voice breaks a little until I’m suddenly drowning in tears. I’m just as shocked as Hobi is, and I bring my hands up to my face, trying to stop the flow.

“I- Ha-rin, I didn’t mean to-”

My face is burning with embarrassment as I realize that I have no right to be bawling like a baby in front of the man that just confessed his love to me last night. He has every right to be distant and angry, yet here I am sobbing before him.

But I want him.

I want him so bad. And he’s standing less than a foot away, that sad expression swimming in his eyes as he brings me into his arms, his cheek resting atop my head.

Don’t ever let me go.

“We’re a mess, aren’t we?” Hobi mumbles.

I laugh through the tears, melting into his embrace as Hobi laughs along. How can we still be laughing even after we’ve put our hearts through so much pain?

Standing there with my face pressed up against his shoulder, crying and laughing at the same time, the realization of my feelings for him hit me hard and fast. Sure, the foundation has been laid for a while now, but standing here with my heart in pieces and completely unable to pick up Hoseok’s shattered heart, I know what I feel.

There’s a difference between wanting someone and loving someone.

If I just wanted Hoseok, I would have bailed out on any sort of integrity I have left and told him right then and there that I was an idiot. That I couldn’t stand not being around him. That I want to be his, and I want him to be mine.

Yet, I love him.

Which is exactly what has me extracting myself from his arms, apologizing, and heading straight out the door.

I only allow myself to look back once as I close the door, clutching my things in my arms. There he stands, still facing the hallway. Clinging to his sweatshirt in his fists as though it’s the only thing keeping him on the earth.

Sitting in the back of the black SUV, I wonder how I can feel such different emotions at once. There’s peace knowing I did what I had to do.

And there’s loneliness, cursing my name for throwing away what was sure to be a cure.

♟

June 2019

“That sounds great,” I say into the mic. “Come out here and listen to it, then we’ll go from there.”

Soobin, Hueningkai, and Beomgyu exit the recording booth and head into the studio. They crowd around me, leaning in to listen to the latest version of the song.

We’ve been in here for about an hour now, going over a rough version of a new song for them. It’s been nice to have them around, I’m usually pretty alone in my studio. Other than the occasional visit from Dohyeong or Pdogg, I tend to have my space.

Space is...good.

We’ve just started listening to the recording when there’s a knock on my door. Swiveling around in my chair, I grin as I see who the visitor is.

“Well well,” I muse. “Look who decided to drop in.”

Dohyeong smiles back at me, saying hello to the other boys. “How’s it going?”

I shrug. “Good. We’re just working on some stuff. What’s up?”

“I was actually coming to steal you away for a bit. I need a second opinion on something. Unless you’re busy…?”

Glancing at the other boys, they wave me away. “Will it take long?”

“No, not too long.”

Getting up from my seat, I laugh as Hueningkai immediately takes the vacant seat. “Take your time,” he croons, enjoying the seat of power. The other two boys instantly start bickering over the chair, making me roll my eyes endearingly at them.

“I’ll be back soon. Don’t delete anything.”

I follow Dohyeong out the door, taking the stairs as we head up to the next floor where his studio is.

“So how’s it been going?”

Dohyeong is one of the only people I ever really see around the Bighit building these days. Other than TXT and a handful of other producers, it’s a ghost town on my floor of the building.

I guess I never noticed how little traffic there was on my floor before. I always had one visitor popping in.

Ever since February, Hoseok has been scarce. While he didn’t seem to be angry anymore, he certainly hasn’t gone out of his way to seek me out. I can’t say I blame him.

It’s made it a little easier, I think. Not seeing him everywhere I go has allowed me to buckle down and get to work without feeling sorry for myself.

“It’s been good. Pretty steady. What are you working on that you wanted me to look at?”

We’re just entering his studio as I finish my question, and I nearly fall flat on my face as we walk through the door.

It would appear that Dohyeong was not working alone. In fact, the entire rapline is here with Pdogg.

Namjoon paces back and forth on one side of the room, hardly even noticing my presence when I walk through the door. Yoongi sits in a chair beside Pdogg, chatting with him about the track.

Hoseok sits on the sofa in the back of the room, his elbows on his knees as he stares forward, lost in thought.

His hair is black now, so different from those honey-brown highlights I swooned over a few months ago. Now he looks much sharper, like a force to be reckoned with.

He looks dangerous.

“Really Dohyeong?” I try to keep my tone light as everyone in the room turns to look at me. “Second opinion?”

Dohyeong shrugs, moving to sit before his computer. “If I told you I needed your opinion, you would’ve told me to ask Pdogg or something.”

Pdogg chuckles, nodding along knowingly. “Nice to see you, Sunny. You never come around anymore. Too cool for us now?”

It takes every fiber of my being for me to not look at Hoseok.

“Just been busy,” I mumble, coming to stand beside Dohyeong’s chair. “How’ve you been?”

Pdogg shrugs. “Same old same old.”

Namjoon strides forward, never one to get bogged down with awkward small talk. Not when there’s work to be done. “Hey, Sunny. Would you mind listening to this for us? I think we’ve all been listening to it for so long that we can’t get a fresh perspective on it.”

I nod, settling down into the chair beside Dohyeong and slipping a pair of headphones on. “Anything I need to know going into it?”

Yoongi chuckles from behind me, causing me to turn about in my chair. In the process, I can’t help but peek over at Hoseok.

He’s looking right at me already, every bit of his attention honed in on me. My eyes graze his, and the momentary eye contact leaves me sparking with electricity.

“Well, Hoseok wrote most of this, so it’s his fault if it sucks.” Yoongi smirks at his friend, earning himself a glare in return.

I force myself to laugh along with everyone else, wincing internally as Hoseok leans back against the sofa and crosses his ankle over his knee.

Has he somehow become better looking over the past few months?

“Good to know,” I mumble, turning back to the screen. Dohyeong nods at me, starting the track.

From the corner of my eye I can see that everyone else has gone back to pacing or chatting, so I take the time to lean back against my chair and close my eyes, really taking it in.

I can definitely tell that Hoseok inspired a lot of this track, it sounds like him. RM starts it off, his voice gruff as he delivers the lyrics, painting a picture in the way that only he can.

Suga joins in on the chorus, and I frown. His voice is nearly drowned out from the heavy drums in the background. I make a mental note to tell them as much.

It’s not until the bridge that J-hope makes an appearance.

My heart begins to pound in my chest, and my eyes fly open as I stare at the monitor. I watch the small numbers counting down until the end of the song, begging them to pick up the pace. Hoseok’s voice lodges itself into my mind, and for a moment the words end it before it can begin are replaced by the phrase he keeps spitting out again and again.

You moved on before I could move you.

You moved on before I had a chance to move-

My knee hits the bottom of the desk as I rip the headphones off my head, tossing them onto the desk before launching out of my chair. Everyone freezes where they sit, looking at me with various levels of confusion.

Hoseok is the only one in the entire room that has yet to react to my sudden actions. He keeps his eyes down, picking at something on his sleeve. His chest doesn’t move as he refuses to breathe.

“Drums are too loud in the chorus, Yoongi.” I bite out the words, ripping my attention away from Hoseok. “They’re drowning out your voice.”

Yoongi nods slowly, his mouth hanging open as he stares at me. “Ok.”

Namjoon steps forward, hands outstretched as though trying to grasp the situation. “You didn’t even finish the song, though. Isn’t there anything else?”

I’ve already taken several steps toward the door, Hoseok’s voice ringing through my mind unceasingly. Turning to shake my head at Namjoon, I feel as though somebody set me on fire. “No. Sounds great. Sorry,” I lie, I really couldn’t care less. I have to get out of here. “I’ve got to go check on the boys.”

The door gives way and I’m out into the hallway, striding toward the elevator like my life depends on it. I decide against it once I get there, heading into the stairwell beside the elevator and making it down a total of five steps before I collapse and sit with my head between my legs.

You moved on before I could move you.

The walls are caving in on me as I sit in the stairwell, and I close my eyes tight against them. Eventually it becomes too much to handle, and I find myself launching up and climbing up the stairs.

I’m not completely sure how tall the Bighit building is, but it’s definitely tall enough that I’m a panting, sweaty mess by the time I clear the final floor. Staring at the door, I push through it and find myself in an empty hallway.

The sound of music coming from what I assume are training rooms at the end of the hallway meet my ears, and as though in a trance I gravitate toward the sound.

The music gets louder and louder as I approach the room. The door is closed, so whoever is inside must be blasting it. Leaning up against the wall just outside the room, I close my eyes for just a moment.

The bass vibrates through the floor, accompanied by the persistent music that seems to know just how horrible I’m feeling inside.

For the first time in my life, I understand why people say that there’s only a thin line between love and hate.

Standing here with my back pressed against the wall, I feel so much hate. It’s overwhelming, overtaking my senses as I clench my fingers into fists. If my eyes were open, I’m sure I would be seeing red.

Instead, I’m picturing my contract in my mind. The music swells as I picture signing that contract over and over again, laughing at the thought of ever getting to know any idols past a purely professional level.

There’s so much anger in me as I think over the past few months, remembering all those hours spent alone in the studio. Staring at my monitor, the same scene from Hoseok’s apartment playing over and over again in my mind as I try to pretend like nothing happened. The way I held my breath every time I heard footsteps coming down my hallway, some pathetic piece of my praying that it would be Hobi, coming with a bag of food and a sheepish smile, telling me that being friends was enough for him.

I should know better by now; I live in a world where Hoseok is a stranger to me now and I’m back to taking the bus.

Still, in those slower hours in the studio I find myself wondering what it would be like if I could tell him that I do love him. I love him still, four months later. That all of this was some horrible rule I had to follow in order to save us both.

But even in this world how could I look him in the eyes that once gazed at me so softly and tell him that he’ll move on? That he’ll find someone that is free to love him?

Hate is an addicting feeling, I realize. Hate is so much safer than love. Love requires you to make the right decision, even if it means you’ll come out lacking.

The music stopped.

My eyes open to find myself almost in another world. The hallway hasn’t changed at all, but the absence of the booming music almost makes it easier to breathe. Suddenly I’m no longer drowning in my feelings, but rather observing them.

The sound of someone nearly hyperventilating has me pushing off the wall, rushing over to the closed training room and throwing it open before another thought can cross my mind.

Even though the door flying open should have alerted the occupant to my presence, they don’t notice me as I stand in the doorway.

Hoseok sits with his back against the far wall, his knees pulled up to his chest as he runs his hands through his hair and over his face. He’s still wearing the same clothes as he was less than fifteen minutes ago in the studio downstairs, but it’s clear he was just working out in them. Most likely dancing, if I’m going to make a guess.

How did he get up here so fast?

Frozen in the doorway, I go over my options. They’re quite simple, seeing as there’s really only two.

First, turn and leave. Run away before he sees me. It’s tempting, especially because it already looks like I’m invading his privacy.

And second.... “The song wasn’t that bad.”

Hoseok’s head shoots up so fast that I’m afraid he hit it against the wall. His eyes are wide and he looks quite frankly exhausted. I wince at the look he gives me.

“What...” his voice is raw and I wonder how it got like that. He shakes his head, looking down at the floor.

I take one step forward, then one step back. Hoseok’s eyes shutter as he watches my uncertainty, but he makes no move to say anything else.

So tired.

He looks so drained. Like someone took a giant spoon and ladled out all of his leftover emotions, leaving him a drained well that is just waiting for another rain.

Suddenly the thought of me hiding in my studio and replaying this entire awkward experience in my head seems more horrible to me than talking to Hoseok, so I take another step inside the room. His eyes never leave the floor.

“Is everything...” I shake my head, trying to gain some courage. Did my heart always beat this hard around him before? “Is everything alright?”

Hoseok chews on the inside of his cheek as he ponders my stupid question. Then, almost as if changing clothes, his expression changes. Brightens, almost.

I can still see the dark storm clouds hovering over his head, though. No matter how brightly he smiles at me now, those rain clouds aren’t far behind.

“Fine.” He brushes his hair away from his face, reverting back to the meticulous Hoseok I know. “Did you see...?”

I frantically shake my head, earning a look of profound relief on Hoseok’s part. “No! No, I was just-” I pause, not entirely sure of what to say. Running from my undying love for you and the hate of what we’ve become doesn’t seem very appropriate.

Hoseok raises his brows, rising to his feet but remaining on the opposite side of the room. “Just what?”

“Just...going for a walk.”

“A walk?”

“Yep.”

I cringe as Hoseok takes a long look at me before turning away and heading toward the speaker system in the corner. “Do you have a tendency to take walks to the top floor?”

Is that worry I’m sensing? I realize with a start that perhaps Hoseok spends a lot of time up here, and I think that the lack of visitors on this floor might have something to do with that.

“...no.” Watching Hoseok’s back, which remains visibly tense, I take a step backward. “I should probably get going.”

He nods once. “Ok.”

“I…” Why can’t I form a proper sentence around this man? “Sorry. Bye.” Turning on my heel, I stride out of the room as quickly as possible, keeping my eyes ahead of me as my heart nearly pounds out of my chest. Throwing the door to the stairwell open, I don’t stop moving until I’ve returned to my studio.

Beomgyu jumps out of my chair when he sees me come in, his smug victory smile wiped off his face.

“Is everything alright?”

Well isn’t that the question of the day. “Yep. Did you guys listen to the track?”

Soobin steps up. “Yeah, it sounds great. We were just going to pass it along-”

“Perfect. I’ll export it to your project manager right now.”

In my peripheral I can see the three boys exchanging glances, but I pay them no mind. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll be mortified and apologize, but right now I would really like for them to leave.

They shuffle out, mumbling their farewells. Hueningkai turns around at the last moment. “Do you want me to leave the door open or close it?”

Swiveling in my chair, wave him off. “Closed, please.” He does just as I ask, and suddenly I’m alone in the studio listening to their retreating footsteps.

Closing my eyes, I gather the strength to get up and lock the door. Something tells me that I won’t want to be interrupted for a while.

I’ve just risen from my chair when an envelope slides under my door, making my breath catch in my throat. Hurried footsteps rush down the hallway, but I don’t bother to open the door to see who it is.

Picking up the envelope from off the floor, I frown when it isn’t labeled. It’s simply a white, blank envelope. Ripping it open, I unfold a piece of notebook paper.

I know who you are, but do you know who I am?

Bighit can’t save you now, Jung Ha-rin.

Instantly my heart rate kicks up as I read those words over and over again. Rushing to my door, I pull it open to see who left this horrible note only to find the hallway empty. Standing there in the middle of the corridor, I fight the urge to rip the note to shreds and cry in a corner.

The sound of me barging back into my studio and slamming the door shut reverberates throughout the entire floor, but the sound of my heart pounding drowns out the noise. I hold the note back up to my eyes, practically panting as I read it again.

“What is happening?” I whisper.

♟

When I leave later that night, I still have no idea what’s going on. I leave earlier than usual, although it’s still dark. Mentally cursing myself, I decide to just hope for the best. With my luck today, I’ll be kidnapped or something before I can even make it to my apartment.

I sent a picture of the note to Bang PD along with a short explanation of what happened. He told me that he would review the security cameras to get a look at who it was that delivered the message, but advised me to catch a ride with someone rather than taking the bus.

So naturally I’m taking the bus.

Sulking at the bus stop while keep my eyes and ears open for any suspicious activity, I can’t help but laugh a little.

Today sucked.

Just as the bus pulls up, I feel my phone vibrate. Scrambling onto the bus and sitting in the first available seat, I pull my phone out and nearly choke when I see what message I just received.

I can’t help the sound that comes out of me upon seeing his message - it’s a mixture of a groan and a sharp intake of breath, resulting in a coughing fit. The people closest to me glare and scoot farther away but I don’t care.

Staring down at his message, I have to breathe slowly and deeply in order to stop myself. As much as all of this is a dream...the note I carry in my pocket reminds me of all that’s at stake here.

Bang PD’s words accompany the note, repeating themselves over and over again in my mind as I punch out a reply.

End it before it can begin.

Shoving my phone back into my pocket before I give into temptation, I jump off the bus as my apartment complex comes into view. Keeping my head down, I hurry up to my apartment.

As soon as I enter the apartment I’m rushing to my room, grabbing a box from under my bed and rummaging through it until I find what I’m searching for.

“There you are.” Holding up a staff photo from when I first started at Source entertainment, my eyes zone in on one of the male staff members on the far end.

Now just add a hood, a bit of scruff, and crazy eyes. What is my old co-worker doing hanging around my apartment complex? And if my hunch is correct, what was he doing in the Bighit building today?

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anistarrose · 4 years

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Summary: Stan finds a recording from a fateful puppet show, a few disjointed memories fall into place, and the Pines family has some tense conversations.

Relationships: Ford Pines & Stan Pines, Dipper Pines & Ford Pines & Mabel Pines & Stan Pines

Characters: Stan Pines, Ford Pines, Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Bill Cipher (posthumously)

Set in early September, probably a little less than a week after Dipper and Mabel went home.

(It felt good to write some Stangst again! Title is from Monster Town by Go! Child because when I can't think of titles on my own, I go to my GF playlist for inspo, and that song jumped out at me today)

***

“We should probably bring a backup camera on the boat,” Ford mused, in a tone that made it impossible to tell whether he was talking to Stan or just to himself. “Maybe even multiple backup cameras. There’s no telling what the Arctic climate could do to their circuitry, and people hardly take cryptid reports seriously even with photographic evidence, never mind with just an eyewitness account and an excuse about a broken camera —”

“Easy, Sixer.” Stan set down his fully-packed suitcase at Ford’s feet, satisfied with its contents. “I’ve got a camcorder up in my room, or maybe in — actually, I can’t remember where I decided to keep it, but it’s probably still in the house somewhere. If I can find it, you can add it to your camera horde.”

Ford zipped open Stan’s suitcase, revealing hand-knitted sweaters and Hawaiian shirts in approximately equal numbers, and sighed. “Some brave wardrobe choices you’re making here. Or have you forgotten that the first beach we’re stopping at is in Alaska?”

“Well, someone’s gotta lead the fashion revolution in the Arctic Circle, and it sure ain’t gonna be you,” Stan called as he headed upstairs, provoking a resigned “hrmph” from Ford.

Stan decided to look for the camcorder in his bedroom first — because while his memory still had some scattered gaps, his gut instincts rarely lead him astray, and checking his room had been his first impulse. Sure enough, he found it sitting on a shelf and covered in slightly less dust than the adjacent stack of magazines, just as he ever-so-vaguely remembered it.

“Better make sure this thing works, before Ford declares it too unreliable for yeti hunts or whatever,” he muttered to himself, leaning back onto his bed and fumbling for the power button. The camcorder blinked to life, presenting an interface that was probably hopelessly outdated — but Stan didn’t care, while Ford would have no way of knowing what modern Earth technology looked like.

What’d I even record on this thing anyway? He selected a random video from June, was greeted with his own voice singing the first line of the Stan Wrong Song, and immediately deleted the recording. With a sigh and silent vow to never let Ford learn of the song’s existence, he moved on to a video from July.

Once again, it was Mabel’s handiwork — heh, no wonder I couldn’t remember what I used this thing for, since the kids were always borrowing it from me — but this time, Stan himself wasn’t in frame, though the craft supplies strewn about the living room were enough to stir dormant memories.

“Dipper! Puppet Dipper! Smile for the camera!”

Dipper yawned, then somewhat half-heartedly mimicked the motion using the sock puppet on his hand. “Puppet Dipper’s not really feeling up to it this morning.”

“Did Puppet Dipper stay up too late trying to solve a mystery? Bwap!” The footage blurred as Mabel nudged Dipper with a sock puppet of her own. “Do I need to make him a little puppet-sized pillow?”

“How about… some puppet-sized sunglasses, for a puppet detective?” Dipper suggested.

“Good idea!” Mabel agreed. “Then no one will notice when Puppet Dipper falls asleep standing up!”

Stan shook his head and smiled.

Man, I wish I’d found this back when my memories were still a mess — Mabel kinda skimmed over the whole puppet saga in her scrapbook. Wonder what else got recorded from that week…

He selected the next video chronologically, noticing that it was also the final recording on the device, and the smile vanished from his face.

“You can’t stop me!” It was Dipper’s voice, yet not Dipper’s voice — all fury and arrogance, and the camcorder’s cheap speaker crackled with static, like the voice was too much, too wrong, too alien to properly record and then replicate. “I’m a being of pure energy with NO weaknesses!”

Without a doubt, Dipper’s body was onscreen, but he was staggering towards Mabel with arms twisted at impossible angles. He lunged for the journal in her hands, eyes glinting the same gold color as the emblem of the six-fingered hand —

Stan hit the power button, rolled over on the bed, and buried his face in his pillow as the wave of memories crashed into him.

Brushing off Dipper’s sorry state as sleep deprivation, until the kid collapsed on the way out of the theater. Seeing the cuts and bruises all over Dipper’s hands as Stan helped him to his feet, and grilling the kids on what happened the whole drive to the hospital. Not getting an answer beyond “sleep deprivation.”

Not being able to give the doctor an answer beyond “sleep deprivation.”

Telling the twins’ parents it was just “sleep deprivation.”

A tense phone call, assuring Mr. and Mrs. Pines that Dipper’s recovery would be swift and tha Gravity Falls was still safe for their children. Stan’s hands shaking as he holds the phone, having no idea if that’s the truth, if he’s doing the right thing.

Mabel crying over a crumpled-up scrap of paper — a note? — she’d found in the car, and refusing to show it to Stan. Half-overheard secrets, whispered between the younger twins when they think Stan isn’t paying attention — apologies, worries, and murmurs too soft to be in any way decipherable.

Dipper, still with bags under his eyes, spending the next few days doing almost nothing but looking over his shoulder and burying his head in the journal. Stan pretending not to notice, but secretly finding it far too familiar for comfort.

Later memories, too — memories of demons, and handshakes, and feeling his body go numb. Memories of a voice, a furiously shrieking voice — both terrified and terrifying, but more than anything, alien.

Now, far too late, Stan recognized it.

***

“We’re calling the kids,” Stan barked, barging back downstairs, and Ford jumped.

“What’s wrong? Are your memories —”

“Better than they’ve ever been, actually.” Stan stormed directly to the living room table, flipping open the laptop on loan from Soos and clicking the video chat app. “Good enough to figure out something that apparently no one thought it might be important to tell me!”

“Are you sure?” Ford put a hand on Stan’s shoulder. “We can still call them, but let’s talk this through first, make sure you’re not missing any gaps —”

Stan paused, cursor an inch away from the call button beneath Dipper and Mabel’s profile picture. “Did Dipper tell you about the time Bill possessed him?”

Ford started to say something, stopped, and tried again. “I… I assumed you knew. I’m sorry.”

“Did you know I ended up taking him to the goddamn hospital afterwards?”

“No,” Ford whispered, and Stan felt Ford’s fingers dig into his shoulder. “Call the kids, Stan.”

Mabel must’ve been online, because she picked up almost immediately. The video opened with her sitting in her kitchen in Piedmont, Waddles in her lap. “Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! Guess what I —”

The joy drained out of her smile when she noticed her grunkles’ grave expressions. “What’s going on?”

“Mabel, pumpkin,” Stan murmured, trying to tune out the sound of his heart thumping in his chest, “could you go get your brother?”

“I’m here, I’m here!” Dipper slid into view, almost falling off his chair, and Mabel scooted out of the way so they could both comfortably face the laptop. “Is something wrong?”

“Not anymore,” Ford explained, “but Stan and I wanted to talk about… communication, among other things — Stan? Are you sure you’re alright?”

Stan wiped the sweat from his forehead and shuddered, forcing himself to take a deep breath as he stared at the computer.

Dipper’s back home. Dipper’s safe. They’re both safe, and they’ll never have to worry about Bill again.

“Stanley?” Ford echoed, increasingly distressed. “Please, if —”

“I’ll be alright,” Stan managed, because even he wasn’t a good enough liar to convince anyone he was alright at this exact moment. “Promise. But kids, why didn’t you tell me when Bill hijacked your puppet show?”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a guilty look.

“Was it because you thought I’d take away the journal?” Stan regretted his ‘only self-defense’ stipulation for the third journal more than almost anything else he’d said that summer, because he’d always known deep down that it wouldn’t stop the kids — and in hindsight, he would’ve much rather known what trouble the kids were getting into, not have them hide it from him with their late nights out in the woods and nonspecific excuses.

“At first,” Dipper replied. “But we ended up worrying a whole lot more about you sending us home early —”

“Your parents almost made that decision for me,” Stan admitted. “They were ready to drive up here and come get you when they heard what happened. I dunno how I convinced them to let you stay —”

He sighed. “And maybe knowing the truth wouldn’t have actually helped me that time — but it would’ve been nice to know how big a lie I was telling when I told them this town was safe for you kids, y’know?”

He regretted voicing that thought immediately, but regretted it even moreso when Dipper looked away from the camera, mumbling: “I’m sorry, Grunkle Stan.”

“Stan’s not trying to guilt you,” Ford spoke up, “but we want you to know you can talk about these things honestly with us — and that goes for both of you, Dipper and Mabel. We’d never want to punish you for something that was obviously… someone else’s fault.”

Thank god one of us has finally learned to think through what we say before we say it, Stan figured.

“I’m sorry too, kids,” he added out loud. “For getting angry at you a minute ago — ‘cause I’m not angry at you, I’m angry at Bill for what he got away with right behind my back, and I… I just…”

He brushed a finger across their digital faces, a gesture that no doubt failed to translate to the video feed Dipper and Mabel were viewing, and smiled. “Thanks for picking up so fast, ‘cause I really needed a reminder that the two of you are safe and sound and all.”

The kids smiled back, visible for just a second before Mabel leaned forward to hug her laptop and the screen went dark.

“Anytime, Grunkle Stan.”

***

“Coffee?” asked Ford, ever the early riser, as Stan trudged into the kitchen the next morning. “You look like you need it.”

“Gee, thanks, Sixer,” Stan groaned, slumping into the seat across from Ford at the kitchen table. “I’ve heard of backhand compliments, but now I’ve gotta live with your backhanded coffee offers too?”

“Sorry. I’m sympathizing, not mocking — I promise, when I woke up today, my eyes were just as bloodshot as yours are now,” Ford replied, sliding Stan a mug of steaming coffee. “How are your memories?”

It was a routine question as of late, but Stan still managed to botch it completely.

“Too good,” he muttered under his breath, and earned a quizzical look from Ford.

“Pardon?”

“…Good enough that I can remember all kinda things to feel shitty about,” Stan reluctantly admitted. “Like not even noticing when Dipper was possessed, for one thing. I spent the whole summer worrying about him, except for when he was actually in danger —”

“Oh, Stanley,” Ford sighed, “that’s not your fault. You know Bill was an expert liar; he scammed too many people to count —”

“Yeah, but I shoulda seen through it!” Stan brought his fist down on the table, and the contents of his mug sloshed precariously close to the top. “Of all people, I should’ve known better —”

“Right.” Ford grimaced. “Right. Because no one else who should’ve known better was ever tricked by a dream demon for a whole lot longer than a few hours —”

“Shit. Ford, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like —”

With a controlled glowering expression and deliberate motions, Ford stood, marching across the kitchen with all the fury and hesitation of a slow-moving thunderstorm.

“I didn’t mean it was your fault! I’d never — ”

“…I know.” Ford came to a halt at the door, bracing one hand against the frame. “But if you can say as much about me, then… then why can’t you just say that about yourself?”

“What?!”

“You would’ve caught on soon enough, if Mabel hadn’t defeated Bill when she did — I wasn’t there, but I’m sure of that because I know you, and I know how well you know Dipper.” Ford shook his head. “I didn’t catch on to Bill’s lies for years. I gave him free reign to hurt people for so much longer than one evening —”

He crossed his arms, and his imposing silhouette in the doorway seemed to shrink.

“So if you’re not blaming me for anything to happen this summer, then you’d better not blame yourself, you — you knucklehead.”

“Are you kidding me?” Stan leapt out of his seat. “It’s no wonder you didn’t see through Bill’s lies, when your whole life, you had me watching your back — and then I wasn’t there for you, when you needed me more than ever —”

“Because I pushed you away!” Ford shouted, whirling back around to face him. “Do you know what I realized while I was trying to fall asleep last night? That if I’d just stood up to Dad when he kicked you out, if I’d just done the right thing for once in my formative years, then the end of the world as we knew it would’ve been averted altogether! No falling for Bill’s flattery, no arguing over the zodiac, no Weirdmageddon! We could’ve had it all, but we just couldn’t live in that better world, all because I convinced myself you were suffocating me —”

“But it sounds like maybe I still am, huh?” Stan growled. “If all I do is just make you furious like this —”

“No,” Ford gasped, all the hostility in his voice and his glare immediately melting away. “No, no, absolutely not! I’m not furious at you, Stan, I’m…”

“Furious at yourself,” Stan accused, “for being even worse than me?!”

“No! Don’t even say that!”

Before Stan could process what was happening, much less protest it, Ford was hugging him, burying his face in Stan’s shoulder.

“Maybe — maybe I am angry at you, after all,” Ford admitted, “but you’re my hero, Stanley. My inspiration. If am angry with you, it’s — it’s just because you’re too damn stubborn to forgive yourself…”

Stan gingerly placed a hand on Ford’s shoulder. “…Yeah, and you’re one to talk.”

“I won’t deny that,” Ford mumbled. He went quiet for a few seconds, and when he spoke up again, his voice was quieter, yet slightly more composed. “Maybe we need to just… call a truce. Find something positive to agree on. We’re both too stubborn for this argument to end with either of us admitting we were wrong —”

“At least for give-or-take the next forty years,” Stan interrupted, punctuating his words with a bitter laugh.

Ford barked out a laugh of his own, loud and cathartic, and withdrew from the hug, removing his glasses to rub his eyes. “If Dipper and Mabel were here, they would have told us to stop being stubborn old men a while ago. I wish they were here.”

“They’d probably also tell us it’s more Bill’s fault than either of ours,” Stan added. “And… I guess they’d have a point.”

“I can see the logic in that.” Ford smiled faintly. “I’m sorry for making this about me, by the way. You opened up to talk about your own issues, and I —”

“Hey, I made it about you just as much as you did, Brainiac,” Stan reminded him. “…But damn. You think we’ll ever be able to talk about our feelings without shouting our lungs out at each other?”

“We’re still no good at thinking through anything before we say it,” Ford replied, “though I guess we must be getting a little better, since we didn’t even stop speaking to each other this time.”

“Thank god. I’m tired of not talking to you.”

The two of them settled back into their seats at the table, and Stan reached for the morning paper, but Ford spoke up once more.

“I know forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, can be… complicated,” he told Stan in a low voice, “so maybe I’m biased, speaking as someone who’d rather not grapple with my own personal guilt — but even more important than whether you forgive or blame yourself, I think, is acknowledging that you made mistakes, yet still deserve good things from the universe. And that goes for you and me both.”

Stan took a sip from his mug, pleased to find its contents were still warm. “Good things like coffee, and adventures sailing around the world?”

Ford chuckled. “My priorities exactly.”

#gravity falls #stanley pines #stanford pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #gravity falls fanfiction #rosalia writes fic

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sams-sass · 4 years

Text

The Others pt 7

Here is the next part to The Others. Hope you guys like it, thanks for all the love, and as always: stay sassy.

*sorry if I tagged you already, I accidentally deleted the original post.

Read Parts One through Six here:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Pairings: Sam x Psychic!Reader

Warnings: Discussions of death, discussions of past and self doubt, angst, fluff

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You were laying across the backseat of the impala, Jenny laying on top of you. You felt her hot tears hitting your shirt and soaking through to your skin. You were taking her home. There was no need for her to suffer anymore than she already had. She had seen and dealt enough with the demons. Her family had been worried sick since she was reported missing at the school and it was time she went home. It was time she had the chance to recuperate in peace with people she loved and who loved her right back.

“I’m so sorry.” She said against your chest, her voice was small.

“Don’t be sorry. You have been so brave throughout this whole thing. You deserve some rest.” You ran your fingers through her hair and wrapped your arms around her.

“Y/N is right, Jenny. You have done more than enough, you should be with your family now. We’ll get the sons of bitches.” Dean said, looking at the two of you in the rearview mirror. Jenny sniffled and nodded, closing her eyes tight in fear.

“What am I going to tell them?” She asked, sitting up and looking out the window.

“As much of the truth as you want. If you want to make up a complete lie, I will back you up. If you want to tell them everything, I will back you up. Tell them whatever you feel comfortable with.” You found her eyes, sending her a reassuring smile and grabbing her hand. She tried to smile back, but you could still see the worry in her eyes.

Dean pulled up to her house about an hour later, all the lights were on and you could see movement inside. Jenny’s lips parted and all the air in her lungs felt trapped. She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. The door flung open and her mom ran out onto the driveway. You saw Jenny’s face twist in both pain and relief as she opened the door and ran into her mothers waiting arms. They cried together, holding each other tightly in the cool evening air. You touched your cheek and felt the wetness on your skin, realizing you were crying as well. You got out of the car and walked over to them, touched Jenny on the shoulder. They pulled apart and her mother quickly gathered you in her arms as well.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for bringing my baby home.” She whispered in your ear. Jenny pulled you to her after her mom let you go. You inhaled her scent and let it stay in your lungs for a moment. She pulled back slightly, still holding you in her arms. She looked you deep in the eyes.

“You can do this, Y/N. You go back there and you kick ass. You are so strong, I am so proud of you. You kill those bastards for what they did to me.” Her eyes were filled with tears, her face red and swollen. You nodded, holding back your emotions. She let you go and fell against her mom again, they walked inside holding each other as you climbed back in the car.

“Ready?” Sam asked, turning around to look at you. You paused for a moment and let the question settle inside you. You were ready. Ready to take the fight to them, ready to use whatever strength you had to get the job done. You were ready to end this.

“Ready.” You answered, your voice was even and calm.

--------------------

Jenny didn’t live far from campus, you pulled in about an hour and a half later. The three of you went into your apartment to make a plan and for a place to crash. You moved everything off the dining room table so the boys could lay out maps of campus, books bobby gave you, and a journal. Sam left to get you guys food, leaving you and Dean alone.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea if you come with us.” Dean didn’t even wait for the door to fully close.

“Sam already gave me the ‘I don’t want you to get hurt’ speech.” You answered, looking up at him.

“That’s exactly why I don’t want you to come, Y/N. I was with him when Jess died. It almost broke him. He had nightmares about her death for months afterward. He couldn’t mention her without almost breaking down, I still see him struggle with it. I also see that he cares for you deeply and I can’t watch him get hurt again, not like that. Especially because it’s this demon.” Dean had come around the table and took your shoulders in his hands. Looking directly into your eyes.

“Dean, I can’t imagine what you and Sam have gone through because of this demon. Your mom and then Sam’s girlfriend, it’s horrible and I am so sorry. I have to do this, Dean, I have to fight them for Jenny. She is like a sister to me, and what they did to her…and that I had to watch it. I want them gone. For good. For Jenny, for Jess, for your mom, and for you two. I completely understand that you don’t want me to get hurt. If I was in your shoes, I would be saying the same thing. I’m going with you. I have to do this.” Now it was your turn to look into Dean’s eyes.

“Well, you’re stubborn. You and Sam have that in common.” Dean laughed, taking his hands off your shoulders. You giggled too, playing with a strand of hair. Sam walked in with food and beer, handing one to his brother and then you. You ate in relative silence, most of the food untouched. Then you made your plan.

“I say, we just give them what they want. Me on a platter.” Sam said, taking a sip of beer.

“No, Sam, that’s just stupid and too risky.” Dean argued back. “Somehow we need to get in there so we can make devils traps in the house.” He leaned back in his chair.

“What if we go first thing in the morning and watch? We know how many of them are in there and they can’t all be missing class.” You suggested, placing your elbows on the table.

“Best idea I have heard all night.” Dean replied, standing and stretching his arms out. “I’m exhausted, night you two.” He then walked away and into Jenny’s room to get some rest, not giving Sam anytime to argue back. Sam let out a long sigh next to you and sunk a little in his chair, defeated.

“I’m gonna shower, why don’t you find something for us to watch.” You stood and ran your fingers through his hair, cupping his jaw with your hand before walking away.

After your shower, you joined Sam on the couch with your beer. He was still flipping through channels, his eyes clearly not seeing the screen. You reached over and placed your hand over his, taking the remote and turning off the TV.

“Wanna talk about it?” You asked, pulling your legs up onto the couch.

“Talk about what?” He asked back. There was a smidge of anger in his voice.

“Whatever is bothering you.” You answered, leaning closer to him.

“This demon. It killed my mom. It killed Jess. Dean and I, we think it killed our dad too. Y/N, if it does anything to you…I don’t think I could handle it. I don’t think I could go on. I have already lost three people and my childhood to this demon. I can’t-I can’t lose anyone else I care about. I really wish you would just stay here tomorrow.” He tried again to tell you how he felt. You could see the unshed tears and raw emotion in his eyes as he spoke. You licked your lips and looked down at the couch, taking a deep breath into your lungs.

“When I was 10 I had a crush on this boy down the street. His name was Riley. He was a year older than me so I thought he was really cool and mature.” You smiled at the memory, Sam smiled with you. “One day, we were playing outside. It was a nice sunny day out. I remember the smell of his moms flower garden. He touched my shoulder, nothing weird, but I saw it. I saw how he died. I watched him get hit by a car while he was on his bike. I saw his bike, the metal mangled and twisted in the road. I felt his last breath leave his lungs. I heard his head hit the pavement so hard it cracked. And do you know what I did?” You looked directly at Sam then, he was hanging on every word you were speaking. He shook his head and waited for the answer. “Nothing. I didn’t do a damn thing. I went home and never spoke of it to anyone. I was petrified. What would happen if I told someone? Would they yell at me? Would I get in trouble? Then, the most amazing thing happened. Nothing. Nothing happened to Riley, he went and lived his life. For two more years. On a warm summers night in the middle of July, fate took him. The crickets were so loud that night, and the moon was full and heavy in the sky. When he was 13 years old he was riding his bike home from a friends, it wasn’t too late but it was already dark out. The car didn’t see him. He died and it was all my fault because I kept this horrible secret to myself. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared what would happen to me, and Riley died because of it.” You were crying now, the tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Y/N, it wasn’t your fault, you probably couldn’t have stopped it.” Sam leaned towards you, his hand running over yours.

“I felt it as soon as it happened. I was in my room, enjoying my Friday night and my heart stopped. I heard his breath in my ear. He never came to visit me, but I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. On summer nights when I am laying alone in bed, the wind outside will sound like his last breath. When the moon is full and high in the sky, I see the way the moonlight reflected off his bike in the street. When the nights are warm and the crickets are singing their endless song, I can still see his honey brown eyes and his curly black hair. Ever since the day he died I have lived in fear of closing my eyes, for what I might see when I do. I am always afraid of the cold and lonely nights when the air changes and I see my breath against the pitch black of night. Who will come into my room? Who will touch me with their boney, cold and grey skin. Who will whisper in my ear with their rotting breath?” You looked up at him. Your eyes wide. “Then you came. I touched you and I felt warm again, you kissed me and I saw colors again. I have to do this, Sam. I have to fight them, because if I don’t it will haunt me for the rest of my days. I will see those girls every time I close my eyes, just like Riley. I got pulled into this, and I intend to see it through.” You swallowed down your emotions, your throat raw from crying.

“I know what you mean. When I touch you, I feel warm too. I feel excited and calm all at once. When we kissed, I swear I could feel myself being filled from head to toe. I’m not sure what spell is over us, but I don’t want it to ever be broken.” He reached up, running his fingers over your cheek. “We’ll do this together.” He nodded once, looking you in the eye. You smiled and jumped on top of him. Your arms flying around his neck and holding him impossibly close to you. Your legs on either side of his trim waist, heat rolling through you. Your lips molded against his, bring all sorts of feelings up. The way his hands twisted into your hair, pulling ever so slightly. The way he listened to your every breath and sound, following your exact instructions. It was like the two of you were reading each other, never ending chapters written with heartbeats and breaths across skin.

The next morning you were in the impala outside the frat house. It was early. You yawned in the cold and staleness of morning, blinking your eyes. You held the coffee cup in both of your hands, keeping them warm. Movement. All of you turned and looked through whatever windows you could see into. Two boys left the house. They didn’t say a word the entire time, just walking with vacant expressions. About fifteen minuets later three more left, wearing the same vacant expressions. The three of you exchanged looks. Another twenty minuets went by and then two more walked out, one of them being Brandon. After they were out of eyesight you went in, Dean first with you and Sam behind. Sam kept you closely behind him. Sam had his gun raised in front of him. He was in a crouching stance as he silently walked around the house, clearing each room.

“Hold onto my jacket.” He whispered, turning his head slightly. You reached up and grabbed a fistful of his jacket, stepping with him throughout the house. There was no one in the house, you were all alone.

“Well, once again, that was weirdly easy.” Dean said, lowering his gun slightly. Sam nodded in agreement. Even for you, it did seem too easy. The boys lifted rugs, moved beds, and rearranged furniture to paint devils traps on the floor. They stood on chairs and counters to paint them on the ceiling as well. You looked around the house, touching things as you went. Something was bothering you that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. There was a strange buzzing happening inside you, it seemed like it was leading you somewhere. You closed your eyes and opened your mind. Listening to the energy around you. It was pulling you towards the basement. You opened the door and turned the light on. The moldy and stale air hit you in the face instantly. You gingerly walked down the stairs and into the disgusting and grimy basement. Dirt and dust covered every inch. Insects and rodents, dead and alive, were everywhere. You moved through the basement, keeping your arms close to your side. There was a doorway, when you walked through you saw the room from your vision. This is where they hurt Jenny. This is where the yellow eyed demon spoke to you. This is where they would sacrifice you. The buzzing was back and stronger than before. You held up one hand as you walked, letting it guide you. Off to the side was a door. You touched the doorknob and took a sharp inhale.

A girl laid on the table. She was bloody and old looking. Her eyes were wide, but unseeing. She was dead. You saw that she had the same brand on her chest that Jenny had. Brandon lifted her from the table and opened the door. He tossed her body in with the others before he wiped his hands on his jeans, his face a scowl.

You blinked back into the now, your breath coming in ragged. You raced back up the stairs and ran directly into Sam, wrapping your arms around him. He held you against him, his fingers tracing your neck.

“They are in the basement.” You mumbled against his shirt. “All of them, the girls. They are down there.” You felt him lift his chin off the top of your head. You leaned back to look at him, his face was one of worry.

“Sam, take her back to her apartment.” Dean walked over to the two of you.

“Dean, what if they come back?” Sam asked, letting you go.

“I’ve got an arsenal.” Dean replied, flicking his head towards his duffel bag.

“I’ll drop her off and then come right back.” Sam said, walking towards the door. You in tow. You wanted to help, but something told you there was something that needed to be done. Something that you didn’t want or need to see. You and Sam climbed into the impala and headed back to your apartment. It was two o’clock in the afternoon, most of the day spent at the house. You and Sam walked into the apartment, something didn’t feel right. A chill ran through you and you stopped dead in your tracks. You heard the sound of a hard object against a skull. Heard Sam fall to the floor. Then you felt the sharp pain yourself, you fell to the floor. Blackness took you.

You woke with a throbbing and heavy pain in your head. You blinked a few times, your vision blurry. You lifted your head feeling your body screaming at you. You groaned and tried to move your hands, only to realize they were tied behind your back. You panicked and began to wiggle, jolting your arms against the ropes.

“Hello, Y/N.” Your eyes widened and your head shot up towards the voice. Brandon. “I see you brought me a Winchester as well.” He was leaning against the doorframe into your living room.

“I’ll kill you.” Sam spoke, he was tied up too. His back against yours in the middle of your kitchen. There was suddenly banging on the door.

“Sam! Y/N!” Deans voice was panicked as he pounded on the door.

“Can’t let big bro get to you.” Brandon pushed himself off the wall and placed his hands on you and Sam’s shoulders. There was a whooshing sound and then you were in the basement. The filthy and disgusting basement. All the frat boys were standing around the table in the basement. Their bodies were covered in bruises and their eyes were a deep onyx. There was another man there that you didn’t recognize. He was older than the others and you didn’t understand why he was there in the basement. He had a large smile on his face that looked ghastly against the darkness of the situation. He turned his head slightly and you caught a glimpse of his eyes, a pale and spotted yellow. He looked directly at you. Directly into your eyes.

“Hello, Y/N, I have waited so so long.” His voice was grossly cheery in the dank basement.

Tags: @watermelonlipstick @virtualheaderssupernaturalnerd @aeo10fan @hecatemacbeth7 @doctorlilo @wnchetrs @lukawats @defenderrosetyler

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welcometoherdomain · 3 years

Photo

Chapter 3.

"ken-ken!" Y/N yelled from the balcony of their 2nd floor. As she waves her hand in the balcony to Kenma's window because she locked her out from his room to prevent her from ruining his streams. He looked at her from the inside annoyed, she laughed even more. But Kenma walked near to his window, looking at her. She waved again and put her cardboard up with some writings in it.

'PLEASE PICK ME FOR YOUR STREAM! it was written, he just looked at her as she points the writing on the cardboard. Ever since the day he secretly looked at Y/N he tried avoiding her even more, and continuously hated her for being such an annoying pain in the ass in his quiet life.

Then before he can close the curtain, the doorbell rang, fast as a cat, YN run, Kenma sighed and open his room door, and followed her. YN opened the door as Kenma makes his way down the 1st floor to the door. "YN!" An orange-haired guy smiled sweetly at YN and she gives her also her sweet smile. "Shoyo!" then she hugged him, welcoming him to the house.

"Where's Auntie? "Shoyo asked her. "with grandmother," she answered, he nodded, Kozume smiled when he saw Shoyo. "Kozume!" Shoyo greeted and make his way to Kenma, giving him a hug too. YN pouted because Kenma can't give her a smile like that.

YN breaks the hug, pulled Kozume away from Shoyo, "No. Too much!"she whined. Shoyo laughed as he sees YN pouted, Kozume just blinked and ignored her. Still letting her clung into his arms, felt right for him.

They now play with Kozume thanks to Shoyo, she gets to play with him. "Are you going to stream today?"Shoyo asks as he munched the chocolate chip that YN made. While YN plays Resident evil on Kenma's big gamer Tv and console. Almost her attention is in it. "No. I'll just move it tomorrow," he answered, looking at Shoyo seating on the ground with Y/N.

"Yah! Fuck you!" Y/N screamed almost throwing the console. "Hey! I'll kill you if you broke that game console!"Kenma screamed back. "Whatever babe." she teased and still focused on the game. "Babe?" Shoyo asked. Kenma completely shakes his head. "never."

"Then can I date her then?" A voice from his door echoed and Kuroo was now in the door frame. He smiled and put his keys on Kozume's table and the paper bag with strawberry cake in it. Y/N smiled at him widely and waved at him.

"How did you get here, the door was locked," Kozume said plainly as he opened the paper bag. "Y/N gave me a spare key," he said. "Why did you do that?" Kozume asked now looking at Y/N who is still focused on the game.

"Yah! Get the fuck out there! Where's my gun?" she yelled not minding Kozume's question. Shoyo just laughed and fed her a cookie still mumbling some things on the game.

Kenma just shakes his head and makes his way to the kitchen to get plates and utensils while Kuroo is seating on the sofa behind Y/N and Shoyo.

"WAAHHHH!! DIE DIE DIE!" Y/N yelled almost pressing the console so hard and Shoyo cheering him up making her adrenaline even more on fire, Kuroo laughed and smiled at the sight of her. Kenma went in and put the plates with slices in them and hand them to Shoyo and Kuroo.

"Where's mine?" Y/N asked still focused on the screen, some glances give to Kenma. "you get it." he said not looking at her. She moaned angrily, "I hate you!" she said Kenma was somehow shocked, the first time hearing her say that word because she always says she loves him and like him over and over again.

"Finally, Y/N hated Kenma." Kuroo teased and claps. "Joke!' YN laughed. "Love you mwuahh!" she said glancing at Kenma, and give him a wink. Kenma for some reason felt at ease that Y/N take her words back.

An hour later Y/N and Shoyo are done playing and tugged Shoyo outside. While Kenma and Kuroo talked business stuff. They're too focused that they didn't notice Shoyo and Y/N got out.

"Y/N where we going?" Shoyo asked, Y/N just smiled. "Let's go party!" she said now getting her big speakers in her room. "Sure! here let's go!" Shoyo said but YN hold his arm and went outside.

"Not there, here! outside! Making a goddamn party here!" she said. As she put down the speaker beside the road. Shoyo's eyes widened.

"What? no! It's embarrassing! This might get us in trouble" he said quickly but she shushes her. She gets her phone and calls someone and without a minute.

"Hinata!!!!!!!" from a distance he can see his teammate Bokuto running to their place while Akaashi is beside him, he then saw Atsumu with his brother Osamu.

Y/N jumped and waved at them. "We're not alone!" she said jumping.

"y/n!" from the other side she can see Yachi with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima and Kageyama. "perfect!" she smiled.

Shoyo looked at her, "I really want to do this before I go!" she said. She then now looked at Shoyo with her puppy eyes. "Please." Shoyo deleted his hesitation and smiled happily at her.

"Let's fucking do this!" she said and played a blasting song on her speaker.

"If the guards come, better run okay?" she yelled. And without a minute cars parked around the round blasting their headlights and speakers in it.

Still focused on business things as Kozume and Kuroo talk, then nonstop horns from the outside disturb their talk, he thought that Shoyo and Y/n just got out for a drink. He then looked at the window and his eyes widened, a party at the road was made. Four cars making honking sound nonstop with blasting music, Kuroo looked from behind him and laughed.

"She is really interesting," he said and went to take his coat out. "I'll be joining them," he said. But Kenma is annoyed what she's doing, making such trouble in this neighborhood will definitely get them in trouble. He and Kuroo went out quickly, he locked his house door and they were surprised even more at how many people were in there, it's a damn party, how long they've been here? Some of the people in the neighborhood join and bring their own drinks.

"Bokuto bro!" Kuroo yelled as he sees Bokuto dancing nonstop like no ones was around, he and Kuroo hugged and pulled him in.

Kenma wandered his eyes to find someone, and he finally saw her, dancing with Atsumu so crazily. He makes his way to her but Shoyo waved at him and stop his way.

Dawn has now finally begun and it's turning dark soon, he smells the alcohol on Hinata's breath, "Join us Kenma woohh!" He said and pulling him in, "Shoyo, are you drunk? you reek so much in alcohol."He said softly. Shoyo then shakes his head and leaves him so suddenly and went to Bokuto and Kuroo. Kenma now makes his way to Y/N with Atsumu but they moved and pulled Bokuto and others in the middle.

"Shit.' Kenma mumbled, disaster, trouble ugh! he thought.

He tried to make his way to her, then all of a sudden because of too much alcohol, she pulled Kuroo to her and kiss him. The whole crowd yelled, Kuroo blinked and Y/N stopped and sleepily made a shocked face. "Yah! I thought you're loyal to tHE CEO!" Alisa said, sister of Lev who is now holding Lev drunk.

Y/N looked around looks like finding Kenma, she didn't spot her because her vision is getting blurry. "Whatever, he doesn't like me anywayyyy!" she whined like a baby. Kenma stood silently while looking at her. Something build on Kenma's chest, anger? jealousy? Impossible, he thought. Then out of nowhere, police sirens come and so the rain started pouring heavily.

The whole crowd panic. "Stop this party you're disturbing the neighborhood!" the police yelled, Y/N smiled "Run!" she yelled, and before she can run someone pulled her hand and it was Kenma. The crowd runs so as the cars, police starting to halt them but even though they're drunk it was planned. Everyone makes their way to escape.

Kenma run with YN while she laughed at them, as she let the unknown guy to her pulled her. Finally out of sight they hide behind the car as the rain continues to pour. "I hope all of them got out !" Y/N yelled Kenma covered her mouth because they might get caught. YN looks at him, "hey you look like Kyanma!" she said in a muffled tone because Kenma's hand is covering her mouth. "I am Kenma, idiot.' he softly said now looking at her, who is now drenched. "Look what trouble you cause," he said looking at her. "No not kenma! wait no." YN said almost sleepy and holding her chest, 'no' she thought. "Let's go home," he said. He pulled her making her stand up, yet she stumbled because of how drunk she is. "Wait you are Kenma! You pulled me!" she yelled almost jumping. Fixing her vision while he pulled her back in the direction of the house. "Do you like me already?" she said happily, eyes are sleepy, he didn't answer letting the rain poured them over and over again so drenched.

"Well you can't like me though!" she said. "Why?" Kenma answered quickly. "because I'm-"Leaving." he cut her and she nodded even though he still pulling her from behind. He just went silent as they continue walking.

Almost closed to the house, it was now empty, Kuroo is sleeping outside on the bench of the garden of the house so as Shoyo, Bokuto and Akaashi, he then saw Yachi and Akane. He sighed and let go of YN's hand. Leaving her behind. He opens the door and sighed because tomorrow the cops will definitely ask him what happened. He then realizes YN is not behind him, he looked and he saw she's beside the road where he left her and hand, hugging her knees, his eyes widened, worried. He went near her. He lifts her head slowly, putting away the wet strand of her hair away from her face, he saw her holding her chest tightly and her eyes are red like she's crying, Kenma's eyes widened and hold her cheeks. "what happen are you hurt?!" he asked worriedly. still drenched she smiled, her chest burns, the heart pumps like it hurt every beat. Her breath shortened, she still smiling beside what she feeling.

"Let me." she softly said. And then a swift second she kissed him, it's like it is her medicine. Kenma let her for some reason, his hands want to push her away but it's like he wanted it, liked it. She broke the kiss and now looked at him. "I- h-hate you." out of nowhere he said. "You ruin-ruined my life," he said softly, he doesn't know where that comes from but he knows he's scared because that line was supposed to be negative but it was a positive statement. "hate me more please," she whispered almost her eyes sleepy and then she smiled. "I kissed a guy so hate me- more," she said softly her head almost falling down.

He looked at her. "Yes and I hate you for doing that, it supposed to be-"he cut his words because she put her forehead on his, she smiled while closing her eyes. "Goodnight~" she said and drop her forehead on his chest.

And for this moment, Kenma knows what he will do. And what he really wants.

#haikyu x reader #haikyū!!#kenma imagine #kenma

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ranposlittle · 4 years

Note

Hii I'm a big fan of your writing(●♡∀♡)!!!! May I request a scenario with Kunikida which broke up with his S/O, and then he regrets about it plus his S/O hurt sm? Hope this won't bother you and thankss🤍🤍

Genre: SFW, Angst

Tags: Break up, I used the F-word once im sorry ;w;

A/N: Thank you for appreciating my writing, you anonymous bunny~ thank you for requesting this, too. I enjoyed writing this! Please listen to THIS SONG for maximum angst (stan day6) and I hope this will make you hurt inside, in a good way hehe enjoooy~ ٩(๑>◡<๑)۶

˚ * . ⊹ • ꒰꒱ • ⊹. * ˚

The office chair creaked beneath Kunikida's weight as he stretched his arms up after doing the day's work. His back feels heavy and his muscles sore from doing nothing but sitting and typing this week's report.

Putting his attention back to his computer and the afternoon sun reflecting on the screen, Kunikida squinted to check the time; he still have thirty minutes. While everybody else was rustling about and getting ready to head home, Kunikida decided to check his files and clean up some space on his drive. While doing so, he realized that he can't remember the last time he tidied up his files and quickly scolded himself for being so unorganized. With slender fingers, he clicked on every folders within folders, rummaging its contents and hitting the small button on his keyboard to delete the old items. With each unneeded gunk out of his system, he felt lighter as if his stress was being relieved along with his computer's storage.

Kunikida's eyes never left the screen even if his favorite eye-sore asked him if he's planning to sleep on his desk because he's too afraid to be late for tomorrow, in which he just replied with a deadpanned answer and demanded the man to leave him alone before he hangs him using the very same bandages covering the man's body.

Left in serene silence now, he was able to focus more on his work and in no time, he was almost done with it. The click of the mouse echoed in the empty office as Kunikida went on the folder for videos. He doesn't even know why he bothered since he knows for sure that he doesn't keep such things on his work computer but there it is; a file with a name composed of series of random numbers and letters stared at him from the opposite side of the screen. Kunikida's mind raced as to what the video might be and how it ended up on his computer in the first place. The pointer slowly made its way to the file, he clicked on it twice and the screen turned dark as the video player loaded its contents.

The ocean. The strong blows of wind muffled the sounds of the waves crashing into the shore and the birds cawing around. The camera panned throughout the entire beach, catching some people playing about under the hot sun. Kunikida's memory has started to piece together the beautiful scenery when suddenly, a voice in the video called out his name. The camera quickly turned to the source of the voice and when the lenses focused, his heart stopped. It's you. It's been so long since he has seen your face but yet, you still manage to steal his breath away with just your silhouette.

You waved cheerfully at the camera and he heard himself chuckle lowly. A bright smile plastered across your face as another wave rippled on your sandy feet. It's your first vacation. He remembered it now. He purchased the camera especially for this occasion.

"Aren't you going to swim?" You shouted at him, your face crinkled from the sun's harsh beam underneath your straw hat.

"Maybe later," his own voice boomed in reply. "It's still too hot, you'll get sunburned. Come sit here with me for a moment."

You ran towards him and the shade of the beach umbrella he was under. The sound of your giggles rang on the speakers of his monitor and clenched up on his chest. Your face moved closer to the camera and got out of frame, followed by a snappy sound. A kiss, he reckoned. He can actually almost feel the warmth of your lips as it closed in on his like you always do before and a jolt of pain stabbed in his chest. He wanted to look away, to pause the video and just delete it, but his fingers are frozen in place and his eyes are locked in on the scene in front of him as you moved back into frame with that sweet smile of yours that he fell for.

Kunikida kept on watching as the scene cut off to a view of the sunset. The sound shuffled as he flipped the camera to get the two of you in frame as you shared a kiss. In spite of the pain in his chest, he smiled as he recalled the memory of you.

He remembered how happy the both of you were this time. Even though Kunikida dreaded missing a day of work, he remembered being nothing but excited as he waited for the day of your vacation to come. He remembered how much his heart raced whenever he would see you, his mind clouded with the thought of wanting to be with you every second of the day. He remembered how much you loved him, how you would always whisper those sweet words to him in the most unexpected times, disturbing the butterflies in his stomach. He remembered all the times where he'll get out of the comforting warmth of the bed when you share a night together as he starts a new day. How you, despite being barely out of your dream state, would always wake up before he heads to the door to remind him once more of your love for him and wishes him to enjoy the day ahead. He remembered how those words being the only thing that got him through the day alright no matter what challenge he has to face. He felt like an idiot. An idiot for not saying those words back enough, for not appreciating how good you were to him, for breaking your heart.

Kunikida smashed the space bar, pausing the video to the image of the two of you embracing. His fists balled up as the ache in his heart grew and droplets of tears trickled down his cheeks. Kunikida cursed quietly, wiping the unwanted tears away and looked up to his screen once again. Why? Why is he hurting this way? He's the one who broke up with you. So, why?

He remember that time, too. He entered the room with a heavy heart but he has made up his mind about it. He's been thinking about breaking it up to you for weeks now and he figured that it's time to just face the fact that he's no longer in love with you. He remembered the look on your face when you've processed his words. The tears, the pleading, the quiet sobs– he remember it all.

"Stay," you repeatedly asked him as if you're praying to a deity for a miracle. But he didn't hear you. His foot stepped in front of the other without hesitation as he walked out of your room and your life. Admittedly, he was hurting back then, too. He did had some nights of crying himself to sleep but he knew that it's what was needed to be done.

Kunikida exited the video, shut down his computer and stood up from his chair. It's just a memory, he thought to himself, just an old memory romanticized by nostalgia. He'll get over it once he occupied himself with other important things, he convinced himself.

But by the next few days, he's still thinking about you. He's distracted everyday as the prickling pain on his chest never left him, no matter how much he drowns himself in his work. He was feeling more frustrated everyday as his mind nagged him to see you, to talk to you. He knew it'll probably make things worse but he couldn't think of any other way to settle his feelings. So, here he is, on the corner of Cafe Uzumaki, away from prying eyes and invasive ears. His cellphone on one shaky hand as he hesitantly call you. His thumb moved swiftly across the number pad, his muscles remembering the pattern with all the times he dialed the same set of numbers to hear your voice on the other line. Kunikida gulped thickly as he once again argued with his own logic. He clicked his tongue in defeat and pressed the call button.

He heard the first ring. Then, the second. You usually pick up around the fifth ring so he waited. Third ring. Does he really want to—

"Hello?"

Kunikida's heart beat painfully loud on his chest and his mind panicked upon hearing the familiarity of your voice. His hand shook harder and his throat tightened up as he felt so nervous, he could throw up.

"Hello? Who is this?" You asked once again.

With a couple puffs of shallow breath, Kunikida raised his phone up to his ear and forced his own voice out of his dry throat.

"H-Hi," he said timidly. "It's me. It's... Kunikida."

Footfall echoes as people come and go in Cafe Uzumaki, Kunikida's slim finger rubbed at the porcelain handle of his cup. His coffee has gone cold and his thoughts are too occupied with things to say and imaginary scenarios of how this meeting will go to demand for a refill. He was in the middle of another imaginary conversation with you when a voice softly called out his name.

"Kunikida-kun?" It sounded too real to just be in his head this time.

He caught a glimpse of someone standing in front of him through his peripheral and his emerald eyes slowly lifted up from your frame, stopping at the sight of your smiling face. You're beautiful. You always have been. He keep trying to forget but you're just as beautiful as the day he first loved you.

When he didn't said anything and just stared at you, you took it upon yourself to sit yourself down across from him on the booth. A kimono-clad lady came by shortly, asking for your order. Mocha latte, you said politely. A drink you've always been fond of, just like before, Kunikida thought.

"So," you said coldly, breaking off the silence, "are you just going to stare at me or what?"

His face contorted into a mixture of shock and a concerned frown. Of course you're still angry at him, what was he even expecting? That you'll just run towards him and wrap him in a tight embrace like he didn't shattered your trust and crushed your heart?

Then all of a sudden, you brightly laughed at him. "I was just kidding, Kunikida-kun. You're always so easy to tease."

He stuttered in surprise, weren't you mad at him? Through his disbelief, Kunikida's face soften as he continue to stare at your giggling form. A small smile made its way to his lips as he feel warm inside. He have always had a weak spot for your smile and laughter. Just seeing you happy like this made him forget that things are different now.

"It's been, what," you mused after calming down from your jesting, "two years since we've seen each other? I feel so old now."

The waitress came back with your order in hand and you bowed politely in gratitude. You mirrored Kunikida's earlier actions as you fiddled with the handle of your cup, took a few sips of your drink and waited for him to return the conversation.

"I'm sorry for making you come here. I just, uh, I saw our old video. Our first vacation. Do you remember that?" Kunikida finally said, eyes falling back down on his cold coffee. It's been so long since he has to say his feelings out loud, it feels suffocating and liberating at the same time.

"It was on my computer. I don't even remember how it got there but," he continued, not really waiting for your answer as he unravel his thoughts. "I just can't stop thinking about you since then. About us."

A gloomy cloud descended on your booth as you realized Kunikida's sentiment. The atmosphere around you began to feel heavy, nostalgic and sad. You said nothing but your heart ached inside your ribcages as flashes of memories– the good and the bad– played in your head like a movie.

"I think I made a mistake, (Y/N)." Kunikida said in almost a whisper, "I made a mistake."

"Kunikida-kun, I—"

"I want you back, (Y/N). I want us back. We were happy, you know? We were so happy together and we had it all. You loved me more than anyone ever did and I— I threw it all away. I don't even know why I just had to fuck it all up." Kunikida groaned and buried his face on one hand as he tried to conceal the tears that his eyes can't hold back anymore. He cursed under his breath as he failed to compose himself despite feeling like an absolute fool for crying in front of you like this. But he just can't stop. His chest felt like it's going to burst from all the emotions he was repressing. He just can't stop his heart from hurting, no matter what his logical brain is telling him.

You let him crumble down in front of you. To say that you were heartbroken when he left you is an understatement but you never harbored any ill will towards Kunikida. You took no pleasure in hearing his regretful words and watching him hurt like this. You knew that the both of you are just victims of the circumstances; victims of fate and wrong timings. Neither one of you is at fault. It just wasn't meant to be.

"Listen, Kunikida-kun," you took his free hand and held it firmly on both of yours. "You are one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. You are one of the greatest men I've ever met. You're right, we were so happy back then and sometimes, I still wonder if I can ever have that again."

Kunikida looked up at you, the tightness in his chest still making it hard for him to breath. His eyes are swollen and the tears still wouldn't stop from dropping down his face but the feeling of your hand on his is such a comforting feeling. For a brief moment, he remembered how you used to hold him like this when he's upset, your loving voice calming him down from any nightmares and just you staying by his side until he was alright is his remedy for any traumatic experience he obtained from saving lives. How amazing it is that you still have that effect on him after all this time.

"But what happened to us also taught me a great lesson about life, and love, and about myself. I could say that I'm a better person now because of that experience. I regret nothing, Kunikida-kun. I don't want you to, as well. Don't think of me and feel regrets about the what-if and the what-could've-been. I want you to feel happy. Be happy that it happened," you continued and Kunikida's eyes flickered as more tears came down. "We got to experience something that other people would spend their whole lives seeking. We got to share something so special that we will carry it with us through the rest of our lives. I'm glad, you know. I'm just really glad that I get to do that with you. I'm glad that it was you, Kunikida-kun."

Your voice broke off as you say his name, tears of unknown reason started to run down your face as well in spite of the kind smile you have. Kunikida's eyes widen for a second, understanding what your wise words mean. It means he's not getting you back. It means his chance had passed and no matter what he does, he knows that things will just stay the way they are. No amount of apology or regret will bring you both back at the time where your love for each other is as bright as the sun that was shining on that one vacation day.

His jaw clenched as another stabbing pain jolted on his chest. "I understand," he said and managing to muster a smile. "I understand," he repeated although it was more to himself this time.

"Thank you for calling me," you said, rubbing your thumbs against his skin. "I'm really happy to see you again. I'm glad we got to talk."

"Yeah. Me too," Kunikida gave you a half-hearted smile. He wanted to say more but there's nothing he can say to change what's already on your mind. He just have to accept it. If there's anything that he can do for you right now, it's to let you be happy even if that doesn't include him.

"Anyway, I've got to go," you said, patting his hand gently before letting go. You stood up from your chair, left some money for your drink on the table and slinged your bag on your shoulder. "Take care, Kunikida-kun."

His eyes met yours one last time, an expression of a certain kind of fondness can be seen on both of your eyes. A silent agreement was made in that moment as you lingered on his presence; an agreement to part but to still cherish the other deep in your hearts for as long as you live. Kunikida stood up from his seat, gingerly walked towards you and gave you a hug.

"Thank you," he whispered softly. You placed a hand on his back and returned his embrace, rubbing it in comfort.

Kunikida loosened his arms around you and let you go. He let you go as he also freed himself from you. He watched as you smiled, turned around and walked away. He envisioned himself that one night, when he turned and walked away from you too despite your cries for him to stay with you. Kunikida can't help but scoffed at the irony of it all.

He sat back down when you disappeared out of the door. He doesn't know if he'll ever have the courage to heal from all this and call to see you again without hurting anymore. He looked outside at the evening sky, his surroundings looked different as hues of purple and pink tinted the whole city. Kunikida exhaled, thanking that he can see the big picture now, it's just a shame that he had to move so far back to the point that he can't go back just to see how perfect it was.

#kunikida doppo #doppo kunikida #bsd kunikida #kunikida x reader #bungou stray dogs kunikida #bsd scenarios #bsd headcanons #bsd hcs #bsd imagines #bsd anime #bungou stray dogs imagines #bungo sd #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs imagine #bungou stray dogs scenarios #bsd #kunikidamw

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whatwouldyourbiasdo · 4 years

Text

Freeze | optional bias | Song-fic

Title: Freeze Pairing: Optional x reader Tags: Angst, Fluff, Song-fic Author’s note: This one-shot song-fic is based on the song Freeze by Jordin Sparks.

Hold the pose, a perfect picture Just so I remember how you're looking tonight With one quick glance in the mirror, you check your appearance for one last time. In just a moment he would arrive to pick you up for the night you’ve been anticipating for weeks, and everything had to be perfect.

ding dong

The sound of the door bell starteled you slightly, sending your heart racing in excitement. Hurried footsteps moved from one room to the other, followed by the sound of the door opening.

“Good afternoon, I am here to pick up Y/N,“ His voice, smooth as honey and warm like fire managed to reach your ears even through the closed doors.

Hurried steps approached your door and a moment later, it swung open revealing the face of your roommate, beaming with a sense of excitement as if she was living vicariously through you. “Yah, how did you get a date with such a hot guy?!”

“I guess I was just born lucky,” You couldn’t help but smile, running your hands over your dress once more. It wasn’t just luck, it was just a crazy twist of fate. The two of you had been friends since childhood, your parents were close friends so naturally the two of you always spent time together. When he decided to pursue his dream of becoming an idol, you cheered him on as his closest friend. You never imagined that one day you could possibly become more.

With a deep inhale, you finally dared to step out of your bedroom to meet your date.

The moment you appear in his line of sight, a dumbfounded smile creeps on his face, eyes locked with yours. “Wow...” Under the intensity of his gaze, you can’t help but feel somewhat self-aware as your cheeks flush with a hue of shyness. “You look beautiful,” He continues, managing to snap out of his trance and taking a step towards you.

“Awww,“ The combined voices of your two roommates breaks the connection you shared between your gazes as you can’t help but glare back at them.

“Shall we?“ You turn to meet his gaze with a kind hearted smile, but before the two of you can reach the door, footsteps follow you.

“Wait! Wait!“ As the two turn around to look at your roommates again, your vision is blinded by the flash of a camera. As it slowly fades away and clears your sight once more, she nods her head apologetically. “Sorry-- Let me take a picture of you two.“ “Why?“ You frown, feeling embarassed by the way your roommate is acting. Sure, you could appreciate their support but it was just a first date and there was no reason for them to act like overbearing and most importantly embarassing parents.

“Yah, just stand together and smile,“ She huffs back at you, her phone at the ready to take another picture. “You’ll thank me on your wedding day.“

“Park Minah!“ You hiss out of reflex, your cheeks burning brighter than a fever. But the soft sound of his chuckle reaches your ear and you turn to look at his somewhat amused face.

“Let’s just play along,” He smiled, gently wrapping his arm around your shoulders as he turned both of you towards the camera.

click click click

“Ah, such a handsome couple,“ she pouts as she continues to take pictures. “No wonder he’s an idol with those looks.”

“Ok, that’s enough, we’ll be late!“ You huff as you step back towards the door and hurriedly open it. “I’ll be home later, don’t wait up!“ You gently tug his arm to follow you in your escape from your roommates.

“Your friends seem... interesting...“

Biting your lip, you can’t help but bow in apology. “I’m sorry, they can be too much sometimes. I’ll make sure she’ll deletes those pictures later.”

“Delete them?“ He sounded surprised, placing his hands on your shoulders to straighten you up again. “Why? I’d like to save them, actually.“

“But what if they leak out... What would your fans think?“

He pondered your question for a moment before answering with a genuine smile, “They’ll think how happy I looked on this first date of many, hopefully.“

It was so simple, slightly teasing, and yet managed to send your heart racing once again. You had known each other for a while but never realized how much you liked each other until recently when he picked up the courage to ask you out. And you didn’t hesitate to say yes.

“Let’s go?“ Instead of waiting for your answer, he offered you his arm and without any consideration, you accepted it.

Let it go, now the days gone Standing in the dark, although we've turned on the lights

Your eyes had widened as you let his words sink in, an unexpected announcement that seemed to fall out of the sky on your anniverary celebration. “Y-you couldn’t tell me sooner?”

He shrugged innocently, “Our company didn’t tell us until this morning, it was a last minute decision...”

With your heart sinking, you pace back and forth in an attempt to collect your thoughts. “How long?”

“How long?“

“How long will you be away for?“

Again, he shrugged. “They’re still working on finishing the schedule, there might be more tour dates added... They want to take world tour literally.”

You stare at him for a moment, mouth slightly agape as you could feel a whirpool of words building up in your chest. But, you dare not speak. You have no right to be upset, not at him, not at the situation. It was a shock but you also realized that it was a huge accomplishment for him. A world tour. The first world tour. He worked so hard, how could you get upset at something so good. Glancing away, you bite down on your lip to hold down the urge to cry.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N... This is our big break...“ He tries to reason with you, his voice somehow saddened. “If I knew beforehand we could have pre--“

“I get it... Oppa...“ You manage to speak, your voice barely louder than a whisper. The excitement with which he broke the news completely disappeared from his voice.

“And if I could take you with me--“

“Go...“

His brows rise up in surprise, “What?”

“Go.“

He takes a careful step towards you, his brows now knitted into a frown. “Y/N...”

“Just go already!“ You yell at him, your tears finally breaking through. “If you have to go, go! Leave me alone!“

Your tearfilled eyes meet his gaze, stalling for a moment as his expression shifts. A soft, disappointed sigh escaping his lips. “I thought you’d be supportive...” without waiting for your answer, he turns around and disappears from your view.

The moment you hear the door slam shut, your legs give out as you slump fown to the floor. Hugging your knees to your chest, you allow the tears to run.

Tonight we will deny, that time is passing by It's leaving you and I to... Freeze a moment, its never been better Seated on your bed, you are surrounded by pictures. Memories of good times you spent together. The picture in your apartment, taken on the night of your first date. Pictures of your picnic by the Han River. Pictures of you on your birthday. Pictures of your eldest sister’s wedding day where you nervously had asked him to come as your date.

Freeze all over, we won't last forever

You said that you're sorry for pushing me But then smiled when I opened my eyes

Behind closed eyes you could still imagine the day he disappeared out of your life.

None of your friends and family knew what had taken place the day the tour had been announced. They merely assumed that due to his busy schedule, the two of you didn’t get to spent time together. Oh how you wished that was the reason.

They were going to depart from the company together, heading for the airport. Due to the excitement, their family had been invited to wish them luck before leaving and thus here you were. Standing eye to eye, your heart breaking as it remembered the last words he said to you two weeks ago.

“Good luck,“ You breathed, extending your hand for a handshake.

His gaze dropped from your face to your hand before traveling back up to meet your gaze once more. Reaching out, he took hold of your hand and pulled you closer towards him, wrapping his arms around your smaller torso.

“O-oppa...“ Again, tears were stinging your eyes.

“I promise I will call you and text you every day,“ He whispered against your hair, his voice low and husky as he tried to mask his feelings. “And buy you lots of souvenirs!“

“You know it will be very hard to keep that promise...“ You sighed softly, he was going to be so busy with rehearsals and the concerts while trying to balance eating and sleeping. How could he possibly fit you in?

“No,“ He said with determination. “I swear on my life, on my family’s life, on my career, on my perfect abs--“

I'm gonna freeze a moment, while we're together

Stepping back to look at him, you noticed his goofy smile that managed to melt your heart a thousand times.

“Let’s take a picture together! In commemoration!“ One of his members called, gesturing their manager to get the camera ready while they ushered their friends and family together.

click Keep the peace, bygones be gone Coming up the rain under the life that we've made It was too good to be true, the fact that your heart believed his promise while your head knew better than to be gullible. He wasn’t able to keep his promise and you weren’t sure whether to be angry about the fact that he broke his promise or that you were foolish enough to expect him to.

It had been two weeks since his last call and days since his last message. You knew he was busy, you had known from the start. You had kept tabs on his schedules from the fansites, you knew exactly where he was and what he was doing. But he had promised. And you believed him.

Under here, we're not so soft Forgiving the feeling that we put on parade From the corner of your eye you noticed your phone lighting up. An incoming call. Was it him?

‘Don’t pick up, Y/N.’ You kept telling yourself to ignore the call. You knew it was petty but your heart was hurt and you didn’t want to hear his voice. Not right now.

After a minute, the ringing stopped and you curiously look at the caller ID. As you had expected it was him. Part of you felt guilty for being so petty and contemplated calling him back. Before you could even make up your mind, his name flashed across the screen again.

Taking a deep breath, you finally decide to answer the call. “Hello?”

“Y/N?“ His voice sounded tired.

“Ah, oppa...“ You mutter softly. “Hello.“

He chuckled softly. Oh, how you missed the sound of his laughter. “Ah, it’s so nice to finally hear your voice again!“

“Is it?“

There was a brief silence, although he seemed to excited to talk to you, the bitterness in the few words you spoke to him had not gone unnoticed.

“Are you angry?“

“I’m not.“

His sigh was deep and loud, “...I’m sorry, I should have called more but things got so crazy and I was so tired--“

“I understand.“

“Would it make you feel better if I said we’ll be back in two weeks?“

With pursed lips, you let his question sink in for a moment. Was their tour already over? Or did he just say that to keep her content for the moment.

“Why?“

“Why are you coming back in two weeks?“

You could tell it wasn’t the response he had hoped for. He probably expected you to cry and cheer, but instead he was questioned.

“We’re invited for a music festival in Busan so instead of a week off in Europe, we’re flying back for a while...“

And your heart leapt again. Just a moment ago you were wallowing in your own pity, selfishly sulking that in between his packed schedule, he hadn’t made you a priority.

“Can we meet then?“

“Of course!“ His voice perked up before getting distracted by some background muttering. “Ah-- I have to go now but I will see you real soon, okay?“

“Alright, oppa!”

Tonight we will deny, that time is passing by It's leaving you and I to... The moment you laid eyes on him, your heart fluttered like the first time you realized you had feelings for him. A sense of longing rushed over you as you made your way over to him. “Oppa!”

“Y/N!“ He smiled in greeting, catching you in his embrace. His voice sounded tired and his face looked worn but it was a sight for sore eyes nonetheless.

“I missed you.” Instead of replying, he merely nodded in return. A pout curled your lips as you glanced up at him. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Huh? Oh, of course I am,“ He shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Just tired, I suppose. Listen, I have to go meet up with the others but I’ll see you at the concert tonight, right?“

Without waiting for your reply, he gently pats your head before walking away.

Freeze A moment, its never been better Freeze All over, we won't last forever

The headlines would never lie, especially not when reported by such a reputable source. There had been rumors for weeks, but you always turned away and ignored what they were saying. But everything somehow made sense now.

You weren’t pretty, maybe he told you but he was just being kind. You couldn’t light a candle to her. You didn’t understand his life, not really. You were just a commoner, not an idol like her.

How could the world have known before you did?

You said that you're sorry for pushing me But then smiled when I opened my eyes

“You are really too much,“ He yelled bitterly, throwing his hands up in frustration. You had marched into his dressing room with the backstage pass he had his manager give you earlier that day. The moment you saw him, you had started questioning him.

“Me?!“ You returned the favor with an equally bitter tone. “You’re the one fooling me, what did you expect?!“

"Fooling you? Fooling you how?” His gaze narrowed as he let your accusations sink in.

You pulled out your phone and showed him the search results, scrolling down the headlines, some of which had been accompanied by pictures. “Then what do you call this?!” You threw at him.

All the headlines reported on the dating news. But the articles weren’t talking about you, the picture didn’t show you. They told the story about a hallyu star and a succesful idol turned actress who had been spotted on numerous dates over the course of weeks, not just in Korea but also overseas the most recent one pictured below some of the headlines.

“Those are just rumors!“ He huffed though you noticed how hard it was for him to look you in the eyes, “We met up with mutual friends once, that’s all.“

“Then how come there are so many pictures of just the two of you?!“

“I don’t know, but it’s just a misunderstanding...“

“Yeah, right!”

A frustrated sigh escaped his lips, the intensity seemed to startle him even. “I know I haven’t been keeping my promise but you know I’ve only thought of you all this time... I love you Y/N!”

Tears were burning in your eyes, hearing him say he loved you only making things worse. You knew him well enough to recognize when he was lying and it angered you even more that he dared to utter those words while doing so.

“How can you say that so casually when you can’t even tell me the truth?“

His eyes finally met yours at the sound of your voice breaking, hesitating for a moment before releasing another sigh. “When we were in Japan... We did meet up with some mutual friends, we were trainees at the same time so we reminisced...”

“And?”

“And we had a nice time... We talked a lot and decided to meet up again while we were both around... We caught up in the moment so at one point we ki---“

Your hand flung up, he didn’t need to finish his sentence for you to know where it was going and the tingling feeling of your hand crossing his cheek only fueled your already aching heart.

“... I wish the two of you the best...” You offered him a bitter, courteous smile before turning on your heel and marching off.

I'm gonna Freeze A moment, while we're together Don't stop, gotta know what you got There's no second chances in life He stared at the female before him, his brows knitted in a frown as all color had escaped his face. “You must be kidding...”

The beautiful woman shook her head, her black locks swaying in the movement. “It was fun for a while but you’re too embarrassing... I have a reputation to protect and you are just too much.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!“

“Don’t take it personally, oppa. I really enjoyed our time together and we received much praise as a couple but... I need someone to raise me up, not drag me down.“

“S-so...“ His jaw clenched as he spoke bitterly. “You just used me for the publicity?“

She pursed her lips, “Don’t see it like that, we both benefitted from this. Now it’s time to move on, nothing personal.“ He stared blankly ahead as the woman gave him a quick peck on the cheek for the last time before exiting his apartment, leaving him all alone.

Don't break, gotta give what you take With you Freeze A moment, its never been better Ten missed calles and about twenty unread messages. Normally it would drive you crazy having so many notifications on your phone but you knew who the sender was and you had no interest in hearing his voice or reading his words.

After your last encounter two months ago, you made sure to avoid any and all mention of your name. You turned off the radio whenever their songs were played and stopped watching whenever they guested on a tv show.

You were so far lost in your own sorrow that you barely noticed the doorbell ring. There was a brief silence before your roommate’s voice called from the other side of your door. “Y/N-ah... There’s someone here to see you.”

You lifted your head from your knees as you had your legs pulled to your chest, “I’m sick. Leave me alone.”

Silence. Your roommates knew better than to press on the subject. They had seen you come home crying and tried to comfort you but you had shut them out. You needed to be alone.

Relaxing your legs, you turned to lie down on your side with your back facing the door. A few moment later you could hear the door open and with a loud, frustrated sigh you sat up.

“I told you to leave me--“ You scolded but your voice was stuck in your throat as your eyes met his. His eyes were equally red and puffy as yours were and the very sight of him broke your heart a million times again.

“Y/N...“

“What are you doing here?“

“You didn’t answer any of my calls or texts, I got worried--“

You scoffed, swinging your legs over the side of the bed and pushing yourself to your feet. “Why would I? There is nothing left to say to you.”

“I-I know i hurt you... I treated you badly and I wasn’t honest with you...“ His voice broke, his apology and his confession pouring straight from his heart. He had come to realize he threw away something amazing - a bond that was more than just love, it was friendship and comraderie, for someone who caught him at a vulnerable moment and made use of it. “I’m so, so sorry. I never should have let you go... I promised we would always stick together and I broke it. I’m so sorry.“

Freeze All over, we won't last forever

You remembered, when you were younger. When you were growing up side by side. Someone had told you a bed time story about a prince and a princess who had been bound by fate but lost each other when the princess was swept away by a dragon that no one in the land dared to challenge. No one except for the prince, he saved the princess and they promised to stay by each other’s side for forever.

It was a story you had fallen in love with, something you often played out and each time he would promise you he would be by your side. Even when he became a trainee, he continued to vow this earnestly. Even when he debuted. And up until recently, he had kept his promise. And here he was again, vowing to keep the promise once more.

But things were different now.

"We know very well that this is a promise neither of us can keep... Not like this...”

“But…”

You offered him a sad smile, tears rolling down your cheek as you met his pleading gaze. “The two of us, we live in different worlds and are chasing different dreams... And those dreams don’t work together... So, I will always be your fan and proudly support you instead.”

He reached forward and pulled you close against his chest, his arms wrapping around you tightly. He didn’t want to let you go but he understood what you were saying. Maybe one day, your dreams could overlap and become one. But for now, it was better to remember the moments of happiness in the past while walking towards a future. Separately.

“One day... You will be my dream, Y/N.“ He whispered against your hair. “This, I promise.“

Freeze A moment, its never been better I Freeze All over, we won't last forever You looked at me with the truth in your eyes And you said it's ok, you can go I'm gonna Freeze This moment, while we're together Freeze A moment

#kpop scenario #kpop song fic #kpop one shot #kpop oneshot #optional bias #bias x reader #whatwouldyourbiasdo #sad #fluff #angst

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yourmandevine · 4 years

Text

Some stuff that made me happy in 2020, in no particular order

God send you no greater loss. It’s something my grandmother said a lot — a bit of highly Irish Catholic wisdom intended to remind you, warmly but sharply, that whatever you’re currently suffering through isn’t all that bad compared to what lots of other people are dealing with. That it probably isn’t too much to complain about, in the grand scheme of things. That you should, instead, be grateful for what you’ve got, big and small and everything in between.

God sent a great many people a great many unfathomable losses this year, and as hard as it felt at times, our family wasn’t among them; we’re lucky, in the big picture. In the past, people have recommended I try writing those reasons down, to give myself a list of stuff to be thankful for, for the times it’s tough to summon up the gratitude. I figured the end of the year was as good a time as any to make that list, to highlight the stuff that helped me get through this year — the reasons big, small, and in between.

So: here goes.

Peanut butter and jelly

I haven’t counted how many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I’ve eaten since March 11, which is good, because that would be an absurd thing to do, and a sure sign that I have succumbed to a very specific kind of madness. It’s also good, though, because I would undoubtedly be ashamed by the number; the figure would be titanic, like the unsinkable ship of same name, or the iceberg that sunk it.

Or, at least, I would be ashamed under normal circumstances. This fuckin’ year required whatever flotation device you could find, and you know what I found in the fridge and cupboard? A couple of slices of bread, some strawberry jam, and some goddamn Skippy.

Need a weird mid-morning “brunch” after not having breakfast because you went right from waking up to remote school with the 6-year-old? Crank up a PB&J with that third cup of coffee. Need to pack something in the diaper bag to feed everyone while you’re out at the playground for the afternoon? Stack ‘em up, son. Need a late snack after working the overnight shift filing weird bubble playoff columns? Three letters, one ampersand, one love.

I need to eat better in 2021. But I kind of needed to eat sort of like shit to get through 2020, and time and again, when your man needed it most, PB&J was there.

Sunday night Zoom sessions with college friends

I know that most of us started something like this back in March; I’m not sure how many have stuck with it. I hope the answer is “a lot,” because honestly, knowing that I’m going to end the week by seeing a few friends — some here in Brooklyn but mostly beyond our reach for safety’s sake, some who’ve moved away — has felt like a stabilizing agent on more than a few occasions. It’s important, and no small blessing, to have people in your life who really know you, weird messy ugly bits and all, and in front of whom you can let everything go.

That gallery view’s provided a place to vent, to seethe, to laugh, to cry, and to try to find some semblance of center before heading back into another week. I’m grateful for it, and for the people in those little boxes. Except for the time they reminded me that, when I was 18, I was pretty sure I was a Pacey, and they were all extremely confident I was a Dawson. They were right, but still: a bitter pill to swallow, then and now.

Olivia calling herself “Dr. Bloody”

She took out her little toy doctor kit and just turned into a cackling villain.

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Deeply disconcerting, yes, but also adorable.

All Fantasy Everything

What got me in the door was the conceit: three very funny stand-up comedians (Ian Karmel, David Gborie, Sean Jordan), often with a very funny guest but sometimes without, pick some topic or another and engage in a fantasy draft of their favorite aspects or representations of that topic. (It is, crucially, a serpentine draft. Now what is that? That’s a great question.) Some favorite examples: Mikes; Words That You Think Make You Sound Smart, vols. 1 and 2; Things You Yell After You Dunk on Someone; Fictional Athletes; Crimes We’d Like to Commit. Yeah. It’s that kind of podcast.

What kept me around was the friendship. Listen to an episode and it becomes really clear really quickly just how much the three hosts love each other, how much fun they have being around each other and making one another laugh. The warmth radiates, just pours out of the speakers; in a year where I sorely needed some good vibes, I appreciated my regular check-ins with the Good Vibes Gang to just ... unclench for an hour and a half or so.

Drinking beer

OK, I’ll admit: This doesn’t sound great for me. It’s true, though. I really like beer. (We brewed one in our kitchen, which I realize is something of a “bearded guy in Brooklyn” cliche, but here we are. It was exciting to complete a project, and it tasted OK-ish.) At some points this year, it didn’t feel like there wasn’t much to look forward to, and sometimes drinking some High Lifes or Narragansett tall boys — with my wife in our living room, with friends on the computer, whatever — helped take the edge off a shitty day/week/month/year. I look forward to being able to do that outside with people again.

The Good Place

I am sure some very smart cultural critics and political thinkers and social revolutionaries have forwarded compelling arguments for why this show is Bad, Actually, because that seems to be more or less true about most things, whether because said thing is Actually Bad or because the economics of the attention economy on the internet functionally necessitate the composition and publication of pretty much every position on pretty much every issue, and especially ones that present a counterargument for why you shouldn’t like the thing you like, and might be kind of a piece of shit for liking it. But I liked this half-hour comedy about the way the universe might be put together, why we should try to take better care of each other, and how doing so might be a pretty great way to take better care of ourselves.

Andrew let me write about it a little bit for a big project we did before the series finale aired, which was really nice of him. I found myself thinking about this part a lot this year:

I also thought a lot about Peeps Chili, but that happens every year.

Taking pictures of my dog

Check out this flumpy goddamn champion:

“Lugar is a good boy” is the main takeaway here. They don’t all have to be complicated.

Schitt’s Creek

I know we’re not alone in this, but we inhaled this show this year. A half-hour comedy about people being laid low, learning how to deal with who they actually are, and finding some grace and community and opportunities for growth kind of hit the spot, I guess.

One of the most wholesale enjoyable ensemble comedy casts I can remember; Catherine O’Hara was already in Cooperstown, but what she made with Moira Rose only polishes her plaque. I’ll never be able to describe with any specificity the thing Chris Elliott does, but I know it has made me laugh since I was a child too young to understand the Letterman bits or see Cabin Boy in the theater, and it’s probably going to make me laugh until I am dead.

I love that people who, for years, never got to see themselves or people like them on screen got to see David Rose on screen and maybe recognize themselves a little bit. The idea that seeing the David/Patrick relationship might make them maybe feel a little more at home, a little safer and more whole, makes me happy. Sad, about the before, but happy, about the now and the what comes next.

Past that, I just love how what was ostensibly a family-and-friends production for a Canadian channel just got absolutely everything right—the tone, the look, the sound, the theme song, the cast, the jokes, my goodness, the jokes—and before long, the rest of the world just got it. Like catching a fastball square on the barrel. Something the show clearly knew a little bit about.

Finding new outdoor places it was safe to go

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the need to give the kids a place to be that wasn’t unnecessarily dangerous but also wasn’t inside our two-bedroom apartment led us to do more exploring than we had before. Shirley Chisholm State Park is great. Canarsie Pier was a fun place to spend a Sunday morning; so’s Canarsie Playground. If we got there early enough or made our peace with some rain, the beaches at Jacob Riis Park and Fort Tilden were pretty rad this summer. I lived in Staten Island from ages 8 through 18, and during breaks throughout college, and don’t think I ever hiked in High Rock Park — that’s dumb, because it was nice!

Even if all those little excursions did was kill a little time and reduce the overall stress level of the four humans stuck in our four walls, that’s not nothing. Some days this year, it was everything.

Cobra Kai

I know I’m late here; I didn’t rush to seek it out because I don’t consider myself a huge fan of The Karate Kid, or at least not a big enough fan to sign up for YouTube’s premium service. I checked it out when it came to Netflix, though, and I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this show. Give me “dumb, but with heart” every day of the week.

I believe in Miguel Diaz; I believe in Johnny Lawrence; I believe I will be firing up Season 3 next month, and perhaps drinking some Coors Banquets in its honor. (I cannot, however, believe how the “get him a body bag” thing came back around, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Closing unread tabs

I’m a serial hoarder of links, and I am bad at finishing all of them. I’ve tried to get into Pocket and Instapaper, but I’ve never been able to turn that sort of workflow — open link, save to third-party service, go back to third-party service later to read, then delete from there — into something that felt instinctual, natural, or habitual. So: lots of tabs. Like, lots of tabs.

This was a dicier proposition than usual in 2020, because cutting my work week in half to be able to more effectively coparent two kids who didn’t have school or day care for most of the year meant less time to read things.

I tried to do my best to keep up with the important stuff for work, and to read at least some stuff about how other parents were dealing with their anxiety/anger/depression/frustration at having to be on 24/7 and work, and to stay abreast of (at least some of) what was happening in the world. Sometimes, though, I would wake up and realize I’d been holding onto blog posts about Really Interesting Rotation Decisions on the 11th-Seeded Team in the East or whatever for literally nine months, and I would go against my nature and just hit the eject button on a 25-deep window, and something amazing would happen: I wouldn’t get fired for being shitty at my job. I would move on with my day, and I would feel about 10 pounds lighter.

I still keep too much stuff open. (As we speak, I’ve got three different Chrome windows open on two different laptops. I choose not to count the total tabs.) But I do so knowing that, if it gets too heavy, I can experience the momentary joy of surrendering to the inevitability that I can’t catch everything. In that moment, I feel OK with my decay.

Reading writers I wasn’t familiar with before

Two in particular stand out in my mind: Nekias Duncan, now of BasketballNews.com, who does excellent film breakdowns and statistical analysis, and Katie Heindl, who writes basketball stuff of all types all over the place, and strings sentences together in a way that scratches an itch inside my brain. I’m grateful I got more chances to read them this year, I look forward to bigger and better things for both of them, and I’m hopeful that, if things calm down and our schedules go back to something approximating normalcy, I’ll have more bandwidth to hunt out more new voices in the year ahead.

The time I ambushed my wife as she was trying to break down and put away the girls’ space tent

Pretty good.

Siobhan learning to ride a bicycle (with training wheels, but still)

The moment passed pretty quickly; Not Exactly A Mechanic over here can’t get the training wheels to reliably work right without either loosening them too much or tightening them so much that she can’t pedal it. In that first moment, though, and for as long as it lasted, it was really great to see her get excited about doing something new, big kid shit, for the first time.

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She was proud. I was proud of her. And then we went to a playground for a few hours. Pretty good day.

Tyler Tynes roasting me

Tyler did some incredible work this year — The Cam Chronicles is getting deserved praise as one of 2020′s best podcasts, and his reporting on the Movement for Black Lives was exemplary. It’s hard to top this, though:

You know what the messed up part is? I was excited to tell him what I was doing, just because I knew the reaction would be so violent. Like a body rejecting a transplant. So lucky to have such a dear, dear friend.

PUP

I’m late on everything, so I didn’t start listening to PUP until the spring of 2019, but I haven’t really stopped since. This year has been too sedentary too often; this band is too kinetic to allow me to stay there.

youtube

“Bloody Mary Kate and Ashley Kate” is never more than about 20 minutes away from returning to the front of my mind. I would fucking love for it to be safe enough to watch these guys live at some point, and I am absolutely going to take Steve up on his offer.

Someone sending me a shirt based on a joke I tweeted

First:

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Then:

I’m not sure you should be rewarding my behavior, SnoCoPrintShop, but I appreciate it all the same.

Which reminds me:

Family dinner/family movie night

My wife works in Manhattan and commutes back on the train, and we've tried to prioritize getting the girls to bed early since they were little, so that doesn’t leave much of a window between when she gets home and they go in the tub for us all to connect; before everything shut down, we almost never really ate together. We’re still not great about it, but for a while now we’ve carved out Saturday as family dinner night, where we sit down to eat and talk about our “up” from the day — something that happened that made us feel good or happy, or something we’re looking forward to. (We used to talk about our “down,” too, but that kind of seemed like overkill. Why try to focus on more bad shit right now, you know?)

Then we settle in for a movie, with who gets to pick rotating each week. It’s mostly been Pixar, which has been great but also has its drawbacks; after she caught me crying during one of them (maybe the Bing-Bong scene in Inside Out? or Miguel singing to Grandma Coco?), Siobhan straight up told me, “You need to get yourself together, man.” We just watched My Neighbor Totoro, too, which they loved, so we’re probably going to try some more Miyazaki soon. It’s a really simple thing, but it’s one we rarely made time for before, and it’s been really nice to manufacture something positive that we can share and look forward to together.

Sometimes looking like a shiftless drifter

No shade to anyone who felt strongly about getting a lineup or whatever, but I haven’t really felt like going to the barbershop was worth the risk, and I continue to refuse to believe that my wife can actually pull off the fade she’s long wanted to give me. (It is also possible that she just means she’s intending to run my fade, and that I will before long wind up cold-cocked and slumped by my bride of nine years.) So I’ve just kind of been growing out my hair like it was when I was single, and sometimes been letting my beard get kind of out of control too, and, well, I sort of like looking a little bit like a Wildling, it turns out.

I have since trimmed things up a little. It didn’t go over well with my youngest. Oh, well. I’ll try to do better next time.

My wife and daughter singing the Pixies

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We don’t know all the words to too many lullabies, so we sing the ones we do know the words to. This will probably come back to bite us in the years ahead. For now, though: Pretty good.

Doughboys’ Tournament of Chompions: Munch Madness: Mac Attack

I can’t believe how invested I became in Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell’s quest to determine the best menu item at McDonald’s in a 64-seed tournament that spawned hours and hours of delightfully funny audio featuring all-time home-run guests like Jon Gabrus and Nicole Byer, who gleefully feed into the often warm, sometimes antagonistic, always entertaining chemistry between the two hosts. I have also never found myself wanting to go to McDonald’s more in my entire life. I have hit the drive-thru a couple of times since, and the boys are right: The McDonald’s fountain Coke does just hit different.

Sound Only

I’ve lost track of whether or not a 38-year-old is considered a millennial, but I’m quite confident that I’m not exactly plugged into “the millennial lifestyle” as my teammates Justin Charity and Micah Peters discuss it on their podcast, which relaunched this summer. Doesn’t matter, though, because I love hearing Charity and Micah talk to each other even if I don’t know what they’re talking about.

Their conversation about Dave Chappelle was great. After listening to their Travis Scott episode, I felt like I kind of understood who he is and why he occupies the space he does in pop culture now. I had no idea how they were going to get me to give a shit about set photos from The Batman, but this they not only got me there, but wended their way toward blaming 50 Cent for needing to know who Groot is to have a conversation on the internet, which is something for which Abraham Lincoln did not die. The show is good, it's getting better, it’s fun to hear them talk their shit, and Charity’s regular bellowing of “I, TOO, AM AMERICA” has made me smile for four straight months.

Siobhan’s letters and notes

She’s in first grade now, and she’s taken to communicating her feelings through the written word. A lot.

I won’t pretend that I loved all of these in the moment. I can only get so upset, though, when she’s already writing with such a clear voice. (And trying to use proper punctuation. (And drawing little cartoons to drive the point home.)

Palm Springs

I’m having a hard time remembering too many specifics about it right now, which probably means it’d be a good thing to rewatch over the holidays. But, as I’m sure many people noted many months before we got around to watching it, a comedy about living the same day over and over again, and about trying to figure out how to make your life mean something when everything seems meaningless, scratched a pretty particular, and particularly important, itch this year. It could’ve been twice as long, and I would’ve eaten up every second of Andy Samberg and Cristin Miloti together.

I’m pretty sure I cried, although this year, that doesn’t necessarily mean much. Also, put Conner O’Malley in more things.

Joining our union’s bargaining committee

I won’t say too much about this, but I will say that becoming an active participant in the process of a labor union negotiating its first contract with management has been an extremely educational experience. It’s pushed me to have conversations, sometimes difficult ones, about our priorities as a staff and a company. It's helped me get closer with the other past and present members of the BC, and has led me to start developing relationships with members of our staff that I otherwise might not have had much of an opportunity to get to know.

The organizing work takes time, effort, and energy, but trying to do what I can to help take better care of my colleagues has been well worth all of that. Here’s hoping that in 2021 we can reach a deal that helps make our workplace even better, stronger, and more equitable for all of us.

Publishing a story about Stevie Nicks’ Fajita Roundup

I swear this is true: After I accepted my offer to work at The Ringer, but before I started, I told a friend that one thing I was excited about was that you had the chance to work on offbeat stuff here, in both the “kind of weird” and “not about the NBA” senses. That, I thought, might maybe open the door to me getting to write a story about a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw when I was a teenager about Stevie Nicks from Fleetwod Mac running a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant in Sedona, Arizona — a sketch that I wasn’t sure anyone else remembered, but that was stuck in my head forever.

That story ran on May 26.

A lot of people seemed to like it.

Accomplishing this goal was, as dumb as this might sound, a highlight of my year, and, honestly, a highlight of my career. I’d like to do some more stuff like this next year, time permitting; we’ll see. Whether or not I do, I got to do this. I’ll always have that.

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chris-evans-indian-fanfic · 4 years

Text

Across Seven Seas

Chapter 12

Description: This fanfiction series is set in the year 2022, after the horrid COVID-19 has finally come to an end. In this fanfiction, Chris Evans holidays with his family in India and meets Meera Shankar. The story explores their rollercoaster journey and raises a question, whether two people, from two contrasting backgrounds and cultures, can build their future together?

Series Masterlist

Chapter 13

Main Masterlist

This series is Chris Evans x OFC with Chris Evans' family and friends having recurring appearances. Please find below a lot of Original Characters-

Meera Shankar - The female lead

Meera's Mother

Poppy - Meera's maternal grandmother

Rohan - Meera's elder brother who is 6 years older than her.

Ankur - Concierge of the Hotel Maple-Fawn in Mussoorie

Warning: Curse words, beginning of rape, alcohol consumption, angst

This is a work of fiction. The names of the hotels and companies have been changed to avoid copyright issues. Meera Shankar and her family is based on the author and her kin. No offense is intended.

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but tumblr, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

...

Chapter 12

Meera rang the doorbell of the Evans suite. Situated on the top floor of the hotel, the passage way to the suite was lined with ornate arches, marble statues and impeccable sophisticated lighting. The entire decor screamed opulence in capital letters. It also made her feel uncomfortably out of place.

Scott opened the door and let her in. He welcomed her to take a seat in the living room of the suite, along with Lisa, Chris, Shanna and Carly. "Did all of you see the news?" Meera asked as she took a seat, wincing a little. "Yeah we did. We just wanted to ask a few questions. Thank you for coming up here even though you are exhausted. It means a lot," said Scott.

Meera brushed him off, "It's okay. I will try my best to put your mind at ease." She looked around at their silent faces. They looked a little nervous and Meera soon realised why. She was sitting in her usual position, legs wide apart, back slightly bent, forearms resting on her knees with her palms meeting in the middle. While she felt comfortable in this position, her Mother had always reminded her that women sat with their legs closed and not like mobsters planning to threaten people.

"Umm... Yeah so… I mean…" Scott struggled, clearly hesitant.

Meera chuckled under her breath, "Why don't I start with the obvious questions. You can ask me later on if I miss out on anything." Scott nodded.

"So first of all, why did I not take any credit for the fight? Simple. I wanted to protect my family, especially my brother. He works with a cruise ship in the US and," she sighed, "stuff like this will make it harder for him to renew his visa."

Meera looked at Chris, "You gave your honest statement to the police officer. It was I who translated it and signed the false statement. So… So please be assured, you will not get into any legal trouble." She removed her phone from her bomber jacket, "I have a voice recording of your original statement. I can give it to you right now if you want. So that just in case, in the future, if this matter ever comes to light, you will have proof to back you up."

The 5 looked considerably relieved now. Scott gave her his email ID where she could send the recording. Once she did, she deleted the sent email and his email ID from her contact list in front of them.

"Now for the next question, how and when did I manage to plan all this? I spoke with Inspector Rima when she came to arrest those 3 gentlemen. I explained to her that since you were US citizens, you were planning to file a complaint with your embassy and would see to it that this matter received international coverage. She understood that her police force would be insulted and she would definitely get suspended. So," Meera sighed again, only this time pain visibly flashed across her face, "she agreed to take the credit and include you guys in the report as just tourists."

"From whatever little I know, there were 26 members in the gang and all of them have been caught. So you guys are all safe. Plus, the hotel is…," she groaned a little with pain, "is providing us with increased security. Nobody can enter our respective floors without avoiding the hotel guards. So yes, you can stay here for the remainder of your trip," she ended.

She looked around at them with a small smile, "Any questions?"

"I do," said Shanna slowly, "Why did you not use your knife to fight those guys? I mean they had knives too right? You were lucky only your sweater was torn."

Meera nodded, "I was incredibly lucky today. The fight could have gone sideways very fast. I didn't use the knife because…" she paused again, running fingers on her forehead, "Aah... because it would have further complicated the crime scene. See you can easily explain punches and kicks as self-defence to the police, but when a knife or any other weapon gets involved, it comes close to the murder-territory. I figured if… if I could distract them with my laughter and insults, I could take them on one-by-one."

She looked at Chris again. He was still wearing her sweater and cap, "That reminds me, can I please have my sweater and skull cap back?"

Chris became tongue-tied. He could feel everyone's attention on him now. Quick! Say something smart! He kept looking at Meera. He knew her body must be paining, but he saw a greater pain in her eyes. Her pink lips were slightly quivering, as if she could cry in an instant. Her eyelids were heavy with sleep. He knew she needed rest, yet here she was, reassuring his family. He wanted to hold her, hug her tight and tell her everything would be okay. But would she let him? He should have protected her today, and instead, he was a coward. Would she ever forgive him for that?

"Umm Mr Evans?" Tell her why can't you return her belongings. SPEAK YOU FUCKING MEATBALL!! His breaths started coming in rapid successions as his eyes grew wider. You are a fucking 41-year-old man, TALK!!! But the more he thought about talking, the more he shut himself.

"Oh God baby no it's okay," said Lisa, lightly rubbing his hands while Shanna and Carly started fanning him with the newspapers. "Hey do you want to sing the Little Mermaid song?" Scott suggested, kneeling in front of his brother.

Meera got up, headed to the refrigerator and brought the ice cube tray in front of Chris. "Pop one in your mouth," she suggested in a commanding tone. Chris looked at her, a little confused but still panicking.

"What are you talking abo…" Before Scott could finish his sentence, she said, "Trust me. Pop one ice cube into your brother's mouth."

Raising his eyebrows and shaking his head in disbelief, Scott still did as she instructed.

The confusion on Chris' face grew, then the cold hit him. "AFHASGHAHAGHHFA," he said with his mouth open, his panic attack now forgotten. He looked at Meera, dancing a little on his feet with the cold ice cube in his mouth. She just nodded, "Yes you can go and spit it out now."

She placed the ice tray back in the refrigerator.

When Chris came back, she asked him, "Feeling better?" He nodded, managing to say "Thanks" quietly.

"Umm why… and how?" a stunned Carly managed to ask her.

She addressed them, "There are 3 reasons why putting an ice cube in your mouth works while having a panic attack. One," she raised a finger, and immediately winced in pain, "...the idea acts as a distraction. Two, the cold shocks your system and confuses it. And three, I figured... you might not be drinking enough water, which would have caused your mouth to produce more… ummm…," Meera shook her head as if thinking, "more saliva, which would calm you down."

She stood while they took a seat. "Mr Evans," she spoke gently, "I am sorry I caused you to have a panic attack. When I asked for my stuff, I didn't mean immediately right now. You can return it tomorrow," she closed her eyes and gripped the chair as she felt a little dizzy, "I didn't mean for you to shed your clothes in front of me if that's what you thought."

"Oh no no," Chris finally found his voice, "I didn't... I didn't think that. Please take a seat, you are clearly injured. Have you seen a doctor yet?"

Meera smiled again, "No I haven't. I don't need to. I will be fine. I will take your leave now."

As she was leaving, the family thanked her once again. Lisa asked her, "Are you sure you want your sweater back? It's been torn quite horribly."

"Yes," Meera looked even more exhausted now, if that were possible. "I… I come from a family of… of…" she shook her head and again placed a few fingers on her forehead. "Ummm you know those people who… who do repair work… but of clothes… and they sew new clothes as well? What is the word? What are they called? I am sorry I am having a hard time translating things into English now."

"No don't be sorry. Did you mean a tailor?"

"Yes! Yes a tailor. I come from a family of women tailors. Yes tailors. Thank you. I will stitch it back together," Meera bid goodbye to them, thinking about her bathtub and soft bed longingly.

…

Back in Meera's room, her phone chimed again. Vikranth: 20 missed calls flashed across the screen.

…

Meera collapsed on her bed. She closed her eyes, the pain in her arms and legs increasing with each second. She groaned as her mobile buzzed. Can't I have a minute of peace? Slowly reaching out for the phone, she saw it was Rohan.

"Are you okay?" he asked on the call.

"Yes. Will order room service and go to sleep."

"What's your room number? Ma is freaking out here," Rohan sounded concerned, "Look she is worried. Don't do this to her."

"If I give her my room number then she will come down here. She will not give me an iota of space or freedom. Tell her I am in the hotel and I am safe. Explain to her all the security measures the hotel is taking. Even after that, if it doesn't help her paranoia then I cannot do anything about it. No, Rohan, YOU please understand," she interrupted her brother, "I am in pain right now. My hands and legs hurt like crazy and I cannot take any medicine. Right now, I just need my space and time to heal. I am in the hotel so she has nothing to worry about. If she still chooses to worry then I cannot help it. Good night," Meera disconnected the call.

…

2am

Meera was back on the road. 6 big, strong men headed towards her as she ran. She knew she couldn't fight all 6 at once. She tried to run fast but couldn't. Her foot got stuck in the uneven road and she fell face-first. She felt multiple hands on her, ripping her clothes apart. Rough hands turned her around, and she saw her rapists as they started devouring her body in front of her family.

She woke up trembling with shock. Her mouth was open in a silent scream as her body was covered with sweat. She felt breathless. It took her a solid minute to realise she was safe in her room. It was just a nightmare, it was just a nightmare, she tried to calm herself down. Switching on the lights, she headed towards the refrigerator, and popped an ice cube in her mouth. She was on her 3rd ice cube when she finally stopped trembling.

Reaching for her phone, she decided to watch anything to divert her mind. That's when she noticed the multiple missed calls and messages. She clicked on the notifications and saw her Mother's messages first.

I gave you my life and this is how you repay me?

I have done everything for you! Cared for you, cleaned, cooked, drove you around, was with you every step of the way and you left me all alone? No mother deserves this.

You should be ashamed of what you have done.

No parent should have a daughter like you.

Look at how your brother is supporting us in these times of crisis. And you did nothing. You didn't even ask Vikranth for help because of your ego.

You don't deserve to have anybody in your life.

I am extremely disappointed in you.

Wow, Meera thought as she held her head in her hands. She tried to cry, but maybe her body was still in shock, because no tears came to her eyes.

Nodding her head, she hugged herself and kept repeating, Okay, okay we will get through this. We are okay. We just need to freak out and cry right now. Okay, okay. Freak out and cry. We need to leave this room now. Okay.

…

Chris couldn't sleep. It was all just too much for him to process. The light snores of his brother filled the room. They had all decided to sleep in the suite after the day's events. He couldn't even think straight, let alone sleep. Deciding he needed a drink, he quietly crept out of his bed, taking the room key with him.

He headed towards the hotel's 24x7 bar, hoping to find it deserted. As soon as he entered, he saw the bar was empty, except for one chair in the corner. He couldn't see the person except for a corner of their shawl hanging from the side of the large armchair. The person was playing soft music on their phone. Chris approached the bartender, noticing the shocked and… almost repulsive look on his face as the bartender kept looking at the person in the corner. 3 bottles of different soft drinks were open in front of him but he only focused on the person, his mouth slightly open.

"Ahem," Chris slightly coughed, drawing the attention of the bartender towards him. As Chris asked for a whisky on the rocks, he swore he heard the bartender murmur "Thank God."

He turned to look at the figure in the corner. While he still couldn't see them, he saw their reflection in the floor-to-ceiling glass window. He saw Meera.

He glanced at his drink on the counter debating whether to approach her or not. He couldn't afford to have another panic attack in front of her. He had to be strong. He took two large gulps of the strong whisky, immediately regretting his action. As he coughed and sputtered, he asked for a refill.

He felt his throat and chest burn, somewhat fuelling his courage. Taking his drink, he approached her.

As Chris neared Meera, he heard the melodious song more clearly. Even though it was in Hindi, he understood the sad tune. He saw her tear-stained cheeks and stopped. There wasn't another chair besides her where he could sit and comfort her.

Maybe she needs to feel the pain. I should just leave her alone. She might not like me interrupting her… Chris thought, but he couldn't help himself. Taking another step towards her, he gingerly asked, "Meera?"

She turned her head to look at him. Squinting her eyes, she was still unable to see the person. Putting on her glasses, she spoke through tears, "Mr Evans?" her red eyes registering slight surprise.

"Do you want to talk about it? What can I do to help you?"

Meera wiped her nose with a tissue, "Please leave me alone Mr Evans. I just want to be alone," she begged.

Chris nodded, but still stood in his spot. He looked around and decided to bring another comfortable armchair near Meera's.

He dragged it and placed it right besides the sidetable where her phone and glasses were kept.

Meera looked at him in disbelief, "Mr Evans I just want to be left alone. So please! Leave!" she said, her voice breaking.

He looked at her, feeling his own emotions overwhelming, "I am not asking you to talk to me. Just think of me as another guest in this bar. I will not interfere in any way. I promise you I will stay quiet. But if you think I will leave you alone, after everything that you have done for us, for me, after what you have gone through, then you are wrong Meera. I will not leave you."

"Why do you not understand," Meera broke down further, "I need to cry, I need to feel this. This is going to get ugly. You will feel uncomfortable! Please just leave."

Chris considered her for a moment, then nodded and left. He soon returned with a stack of paper napkins and placed them on the table besides her phone and glasses. "This should get you through the next hour," he said.

She looked at him, helpless, then sunk her head in her hands, crying further. Chris settled back in his chair, his body angled towards her. He wished she would let him comfort her, but somewhere, he also understood the importance of going through this alone. God only knows how many nights he had cried himself to sleep, refusing help from his own family, all because he wanted to stay alone.

Slowly, her sobs lessened. She used the new tissue and wiped her face, discarding it in the nearby bin. As she reached for the phone, Chris placed his hand on her mobile before her. "Don't change the song." "But you don't understand the lyrics," she said, her voice still broken. "No, but I like it. Let it play on loop," Chris said kindly. She nodded and took a sip of her drink. It looked a lot like neat whisky. Chris wondered, Why was the bartender repulsed? Was it because she was crying? That asshole.

After a few more sips, she said in a quiet voice, "Our Night."

"Hmm?"

"Our Night. The name of the song is Our Night. It is about how our night is a friend of the moon, but after a long time, she has come alone. She is darkness." Meera took another deep breath, "In the song, the singer wants to switch off all the lights and talk to the darkness. She understands that the darkness is hurtful. It is crazy even, but it is still hers. She just wants to be alone with the darkness."

Meera looked ahead and started crying again. Chris just looked at her, his own eyes brimming with tears now. He knew something had happened after she had left their suite. She didn't look like the type of person who broke down easily. He would give anything to find out who or what had upset her.

He looked at her reflection in the window, his own tears trickling down his cheeks. Finally, he allowed his emotions to take over.

That night, the stars in the moonless sky smiled down at them, as two people, from two different walks of life, cried together over what had happened, completely unaware of what the future had in store for them.

(This is the song if you want to listen ⬇️)

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#chris evans #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chrisevans #chris evans family #chris evans x india #chris evans fandom #india #chris evans x ofc #chris evans x poc!reader #chris evans x plus size reader #chris evans x oc #chris evans x original female character #chris evans imagines #chris evans imagine #scott evans

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stateofgrace1303 · 5 years

Text

My chronic illness, how it started.

*Can you guys please reblog and/or tag Taylor?? I really want her to read

this. I want this to get to her and I'll take any help I can get. I rarely ask this but it'd mean to world to me. I wanna get my story

out there (even if this is only a part of the entire story. The rest I

might post sometime if you guys want me too. I think I did include

everything I wanted to for now though). Just thank you all so much!!! I

love you all ❤*

(Im really sorry about how long this is. Its like a little novel. Plus I'm

OCD and tend to talk/rant until it feels just right... I just wanted to

share it with all of you, since its something I would've shared on TSL,

even though it'd probably be too long for there... But I wanted to share it

here because most of those swifties can be found on tumblr, and I want you

all to hear this... Maybe it'll even get to Taylor too. But please read if

you can. It'd mean a lot to me. Also I tried writing this but then it got

deleted when I tried posting it, so hopefully this one posts (I ended up trying to post this ALL DAY. I'm so glad it's finally up).)

Hey Swifties! So, I thought I would post this because its something I'd

post on TSL if it was still around, as I shared pretty much my whole life

on there, and I always found swifties very easy to talk to (plus you're all

just the nicest people)! So, I wanted to share this on here since most

swifties can be found on tumblr. I'm sure i talked a little bit about this

on tsl (my user was stateofgrace1303, same as on here and ig) but I wanted

to tell you guys more, especially because its getting so much more intense

now and like I said I've always found swifties very easy to talk to you.

Basically, when I was 12, my dad took me to see the RED tour at Gillette

Stadium. We had gone to see the Speak Now tour there and I had been

completely wonderstruck (no pun intended) by Taylor that night. I was 10 at

the speak now tour and had idolized Taylor since I was 6 and she put out

TOMG (and I was known as the Taylor Swift girl by now at my school). So

even though I was 10 I asked my dad, if I save up the money will you take

me to see her when she comes again? And he said yes. About 2 weeks before

the show, I had saved up enough. He didn't think i could do it, but I did.

So, I got tickets and we went to the tour. But when I was walking towards

the stadium (we had parked in a lot right down the street), my vision

became weird, almost like tunnel vision although nothing was turning black

around the edges of my vision. My feet looked very far away from me.

Suddenly, a rush of dizziness came over me and instinctively i grabbed onto

my dads arm to keep from falling down. He asked if I was okay and I could

barely get out words for some reason. I was starting to sweat and we

thought maybe i was dehydrated, so we got into the stadium as quickly as

possible. I was gripping onto everything around me to keep from falling,

but eventually we got into the stadium and I got some water. We had seats

on the field, so that's where I was, drinking some water when suddenly I

was pretty sure I was going to throw up. It was starting to get super

uncomfortable so my dad brought my to the first aid, which was actually

right at the enterance on the field. So when we went in there my dad told

them what was going on and they all looked at me weird and said "people

never get sick. We usually treat bee stings and allergic reactions. We

almost never have people get sick" which actually surprised me. But, they

took me back and laid me down. Almost immediately I started puking. The

nurse I had actually had just had a baby and had some anti nausea

medication on her. So, she gave me that but it didn't work. And I just got

worse. My dad went to find me something to eat so I'd have something in my

stomach. He came back with some chips and iced/frozen lemonade but I threw

up every time. I was so dizzy at this point I was gripping onto the bed

they had me on and puking my guts out, as well as sweating a lot. After a

while, as it only got worse, they actually thought I might have had food

posioning and asked what I ate. But there they noticed something. I was

completely white. Like white as a ghost. Except for my lips, which were

turning blue. And I was struggling to breathe. They wanted to take me to

Boston Childrens and my dad asked if I wanted to, but it was Taylor. I

couldn't miss it. So I said no for that reason. But actually, everyone at

the stadium was trying to get me tickets for the show the next night as she

was playing two nights. Security guards, the nurses, my dads girlfriend...

But nobody could get tickets in the end which was okay. But later my dad

went and for a list of everybody's set times. I had been in first aid for

about an hour at this point. He came back with the list and said "I promise

I will not let you miss them" he said and pointed to Ed Sheerans name, then

Taylor, since I was a huge Ed fan as well. He knew I probably wouldn't be

able to stay, but even seeing them for a minute would've been perfect to

me. Another hour had passed, and I was still there in the same condition.

It was terrifying, and they were really pushing me to go to the hospital

(they wanted to call an ambulance because they actually thought something

very bad might happen if they didn't). But I keep pushing that off because

I wanted to see Taylor and Ed so badly. But, 2 hours I had been there in

the same condition, puking up everything, completely white with blue lips,

struggling to breathe, so dizzy I couldn't even sit up. It was starting to

get painful honestly. So, I suddenly just burst out crying. I was just a 12

year old who wanted to see my idol, and I got this... This weird sickness,

and got stuck in first aid. In so much pain. I didn't even really

understand what was happening. I had always been a sick kid. Always getting

colds and infections. In fact, I almost died as a baby from a problem with

my kidneys, and had become septic. Its a miracle I lived. But I had never

experienced anything like this... And to experience it when I was just

trying to see my idol? When it was only my second concert ever? It crushed

me tbh. My dad asked what was wrong and I finally said the words I had been

avoiding all night... "I wanna go home" (which was actually his

girlfriend's house who lived in Boston... I'm from Maine). And he said

"okay". That was all he needed and he left, walking back towards where we

left the car. However, around 7:30ish the traffic in this area is really

weird I cant even explain it. But traffic can only go one way, instead of

both ways like normal.. So he couldn't get a ride back to the car and had

to walk, and then drive the car in traffic all the way to the stadium to

pick me up. So i had to wait a while, and while I did I heard clapping and

then a British voice say "hello Boston" and he started playing give me

love. I listened to him play and i only cried more because I was so

frustrated I couldn't go out there to see him. About half way through the

set, my dad showed up. They let him park in a no parking zone to come and

get me so he was right next to the enterance to the field. They were going

to put me in a wheelchair, but instead my dad came and helped me up. He was

holding me up straight and almost dragged me out of the first aid station,

into the stadium. I remember this part so well. The air hit me, I heard

Ed's voice clearly and saw him on stage, and suddenly, I let go of my dad,

and I was able to stand on my own... And I was fine. It was like a miracle.

I yelled to my dad over the music "is it too late to stay?" And he screamed

back "what??? After all that you wanna stay???" And I said yes, so, we

stayed. He went to go move the car (the girl was so nice who did the

parking, he told her the story, and he just needs to park the car and het

back in the stadium, how much would it cost. And the girl said park

wherever you want no charge. I thought that was seriously the sweetest

thing.) Sooo he did that, and since I was only 12 in a huge stadium, one of

the cops that was patroling the place stayed with me and asked me all kinds

of questions about Ed Sheeran, especially about the A-Team, when he played

it. He said "this isn't his song right?? Is this a cover?? I know this

song." And I told him it wad and told him all about it. It was the ideal

conversation for 12 year old me 😂 Anyway, my dad came back, we got to our

seats, and I actually met Andrea for a very brief moment! And before I knew

it, Taylor was playing. And I had made it through the entire show. I woke

up the next morning, still feeling a little sick but actually felt better

after eating, so I thought the worst was over. But, I was wrong... I didn't

know that one night would become my life... And god I wish I had gone to

the hospital... Maybe I would be okay now if I had... But anyway... A month

later (in August), it happened at my friends end of summer party. Then a

month later (in September), while I was at school... Each time worse than

the time before. Everyone had been informed I was having issues, but nobody

had seen anything happen yet. I seemed like myself. Then one day, I was on

my way to lunch with my friends, and I collapsed in the hallway... Same

thing happening. All my friends freaked out and 2 stayed with me while the

rest went to get the nurse. She actually thought I was dying, and honestly

I could've. She called my mom and said she wasn't sure if she should call

my mom or an ambulance. Then my mom came and got me and immedaitly took me

to my doctor (because she said next time it happens to come in so they

could monitor me). I was monitored and fell asleep, then 4 hours later i

woke up like nothing happened. After that i was pulled out of school and

constantly at the doctor. And I just got sicker and sicker... Which was

later diagnosed as... "Anxiety". By an unqualified doctor. He was a thyroid

doctor and diagnosed me with that?? As time went on, I got incredibly sick

to the point I can't even move. I have become completely disabled and lose

control of my body a lot. It's like my brain is disconnected from my body.

And I get this weird feeling im falling off a cliff and I cant feel my arms

and when that happens, I cant move at all. I cant even express how bad it

can get, how scary and painful it is. I'm a lot sicker than most people

think I am... I spend most days in bed, actually unable to move. I find

ways to keep my spirits up, luckily. Mostly its listening to Taylor and

watching friends but yeah 😂 I have days where I can't even sit up I'm so

dizzy and weak and it hurts so much. Its also terrifying when you don't

have full control over your own body. Absoultely terrifying. Although I

have okay days where I can stand up and function for a little bit, most

days lately have been like this... Bad and living from my bed due to

weakness and dizziness (extreme dizziness honestly). I have days where its

even a struggle to breathe, the most simple thing in the world. It gets

depressing at times... When you spend all ur time in bed or a wheelchair it

really can vet discouraging... But I'm still fighting. And I'm so happy I

am. And like I said, Taylor always lifts me up. Even on my worst, most

disabled and bed ridden days. Oh, that reminds me... I also have seizures

now, sadly. But I hadn't had what happened that night at the RED tour in a

while though... Until one night last year... While I was seeing Ed Sheeran

in Gillette Stadium 😂 Maybe its him?? I dont know 😂 Anyway, I spend most

days in bed, and I do online schooling now. I've seen Taylor twice since

then. For 1989 and for reputation. With 1989 I needed a lot of help but I

got through it. Reputation, it had gotten so bad I needed a wheelchair and

I still do whenever I go out, really. I dont have full control over my body

and I'm too weak and just very sick. I'm really hoping to go to lover fest

but if i do will need a wheelchair and even then I'll probably still feel

sick... But Taylors worth it ❤ Hopefully can get ada seating like with rep.

Wanted to keep this last part short but I think I failed 😂 Mainly wanted

to focus on the red tour. My health story is so incredibly long, I couldn't

say it all (maybe I will later). However, for now, I will tell you this, I

was diagnosed with a thyroid disease, migraines, and seizures. Then it was

discovered that all of this... Was advanced Lyme Disease... And it created

something called Dysautonomia (basically a disfunction of the autonomic

nervous system, which most people don't even realize they have, or how

important it is, until it makes you sick and either nearly kills or

cripples you... Depending on the kind though.) Also known as POTS, or

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (there are actually 15 kids of

dysautonomia, that being one of them, I might possibly have more than one

kinda, were not sure yet. But its basically half cardiology half

neurology). And there's no cure... I could be this way, this disabled and

sick for a while... But there are treatments that might work luckily!!!

Since there are no Dysautonomia clinics in Maine, I either have to go to

New York, Baltimore, Cleveland, or Minneapolis. So looks like im taking a

trip! Sadly to a hospital, but still 😊 I honestly don't know how we'll pay

for it, but I need it, or I will spend my life like this. So I'm sure we'll

find a way... Like I always seem to do in life, no matter what 😊❤ Oh, and

funny thing is, I have something called PANS as well... So I have Pots and

Pans 😂😂😂 Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you guys because like

I said you guys are always so great and Taylor is my favorite artist so I

wanted to share it with the people who understand my love for her. I've

been a huge fan of her for 13 years (I'm 18, 19 next month, now). Theres

something about her... She's always helped me but especially now. She makes

me so happy and feel so safe during this time... Im fact, the only time i

smile like i did when I was younger,before all of this, is when I listen to

Taylor. I even have a Long Live tattoo on my wrist because I felt it

represented my love for her the most, and what we've made as a fandom, the

magic we've created. Plus, it reminds me that I'm fighting my battle (this

"dragon") with Taylor and her music on my side, as well as all of you. And

it makes me smile. I can't wait to get more Taylor tattoos... Honestly,

after all of this and the other health issues I faced as a baby and a

child, I can't believe I'm still here, that I'm still living... Especially

because since I've always been so sick with so many different illnesses and

health issues to the point I'm disabled, my immune system is so weak. I

truly cannot believe I'm still here. But... I guess my body just isn't

ready to give up. It hasn't yet at least!!! And it doesn't want to. It

won't. I'm strong. Me, and my body, want to fight until the very end. And

I'm grateful for that. So grateful that I am still alive, and still

fighting every day of my life. It might be hard, and I can't function or do

really anything but lay in bed and watch tv most days, but I'm just so

thankful that I'm still alive, that it's okay I have to be at the doctors

so much and have to take all these meds (I do anything at this point that

can help me even the slighest). And no matter what life throws at my

health, my body always fights it and gets right back up. I fall down 10

times, I stand up 11. And I could not have the courage and strength to do

this if it wasn't for my idol, Taylor Swift. I've been a fan of Taylor for

13 years (I'm 18 now, 19 next month) so her and her music have helped me

through every problem I have ever faced, and this is no different. She has

a song for everything, so I can always find something to listen to that

makes me feel like she understands and she's telling me it'll be okay...

And ever since LOVER came out, I've been listening to soon you'll get

better on days its really bad, and my girlfriend sends me that song on bad

days too... It makes me feel safe. And like I can fight this. Thank you,

Taylor. I will never be able to repay you. I may struggle with this every

single day im here on earth, but with your music and the support I feel

from the swiftie fam, I know I'll get through it. Anyway... I guess I

should end this here. Again, sorry this is so long but if you read this

thank you so much for taking the time to!! If you made it to this point,

I'm proud 😂❤ And it means the world to me, you have no idea. Im hoping

this will get to Taylor and maybe even Ed one day. I love you all so much

and once again, thank you for reading!! ❤❤❤

@taylorswift @taylornation 🌈❤ @taylornotices 💜

(Pic is from when I was in First Aid at Ed Sheeran. It was so bad there

they had to give me an IV. I was in the first aid station, wrapped up in my

nightmare before Christmas blanket, on a stretcher with an IV in my hand

pretty much the entire night. It was so painful. When I arrived to first

aid I was actually unresponsive. Like I knew what was happening but I

couldn't talk or open my eyes. All I could do was make very small

movements. It felt like my body was shutting down. I was having bad heart issues as well and they wanted to give me a medicine fot my nausea but since I had lyme disease it could make my heart issues worse so they had to give me an EKG... Right there at the concert 😂 Interesting... But, I got through it.

Like always 😊 So yeah thats where the

picture is from ❤)

#taylurking #taylorswift #taylorstans #taylornation #red #redtour #edsheeran #lymedisease #dysautonomia #taylorlurking #i love you taylor #tay #usertaylornotices #tswift

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pinkykitten · 5 years

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I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive?

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head.

2. Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby. 4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts?

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different.

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again.

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it.

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer.

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot.

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible.

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys.

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much.

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho.

3. What is the last song that inspired you?

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making.

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical.

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH

#ask #@writing-with-melon #rambles #writing #tips on writing #unus annus #david dobrik #netflix #buzzfeed unsolved #peaky blinders oc #kobe bryant #mac miller #tony stark #peter parker #the greatest showman #tom thumb #troy bolton #zac efron

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