#might delete this because i dont post often and i might get Scared

[rainbowt33f]

Related to the last post I reblogged but. g/d it drives me fucking crazy when zionists or sympathisers claim denouncing israel is actually damaging to all jewish people and that 'saying you want israel gone is saying you want jewish people to DIE'. number one you're a fucking idiot. number two this is a strawman argument actually. it takes such a simple level of reading comprehension to know vocalising hatred for a genocidal government DOES NOT EQUAL wanting an entire fucking ethnicity/religion of people to die. good fucking g/d

Anyway Death to Israel and Free Palestine :]

[spacealligator]

I'm curious to know how you manage your documents for fics, so I've come to you with a few (possibly fun?) questions regarding your process !

1 - How do you name your documents? 2- If you have a multichapter fic, do you keep it all on one document, have a separate document for every chapter, or something else? 3 - If a situation arises where you want to make a drastic change that can essentially end up deleting thousands of words, do you commit to deleting those chunks and start fixing them right in the original document, or do you resort to making copies first so that you still have the original? Something else, maybe? 4 - Optional freebie slot ! Tell me something about your process that you might want to mention, but I didn't have a question specific enough for you to mention it !

hellou whoooo, thank you so much for the ask, here`s how my mess of a brain organizes everything?

1- most of the time the titles are just the theme of the fic, so for the Handsome Cop universe ie the title of the google docs was police AU for a long time, Ive had names like roommate AU, ame trio AU, flower AU etc very straight foward. I only change the title of the google docs once I settle on a title I really like, and that usually happens when Im about to publish and have to come up with something hehe

2- I keep all chapters in one doc, and also, if Im writing a series, theyre also in the doc because I often need to reference it to check some infos or really just the tone of the writing up until then. The worst part is correcting some info that you`ve been using for some time, like the age of a character changes, or something that happened in their past and they reference it a lot, then I have to go over the whole text and look for the specific mentions of that info and it just sucks

3- I have a google docs called kill your darlings where I put the scenes and ideas that were edited off my final drafts, I often go through the drabbles to check if there`s any cool idea in there I can re use under a new light

oh man 4 it`s gonna be a wild one

while reviewing and editing I often use text to speech tools to make sure that the writing sounds natural, its really useful for non native english speakers like myself

I have a spreadsheet of all my wips, with their % completion status, whats still on the pipeline to be written, and just silly ideas that I want to explore in the future (I had to do this because I had more wips than I could manage and was drowning in plot bunnies hehe)

when Im stuck I like writing on my phone because its hard to care about formatting, so I just shoot hundreds of words into a doc that when I open up in the computer looks like a enormous wall of text, and its easier for me to correct, edit and fill in the gaps once I have the main content on a page (blank pages scare me)

I often write all the dialogue of the scene first, and then fill in the gaps with descriptions and inner monologues, this way I make sure the conversations in my fics have some rhythm to them

most of my stories never had an outline, I just get this scene in my had and then I have to do the work around to get there and after it the consequences of it, right now Im working on my cowboy bebop AU and its the first time I really planned a plot, but I dont know whether is better or not

sometimes I go back to read my fics already posted but I often get an itch to correct things like wording and typos, but I dont because thats a rabbit hole I don`t wanna fall into

I hope you enjoyed reading my answers and got something useful out of them, I`d love to ask you right back and hear about your writing process too!

[etherealspacejelly]

I saw the post where u said you've been diagnosed with adhd. I feel like I might have it, but I'm too scared to get diagnosed. What if I go and do it and I don't have it and I just wasted my time and money. What if they see me and go no there's nothing wrong with you I'll feel so embarrassed

i suggest creating an adhd evidence document, that is what i did.

here are the symptoms of adhd as described on the nhs website:

carelessness and lack of attention to detail

continually starting new tasks before finishing old ones

poor organisational skills

inability to focus or prioritise

continually losing or misplacing things

forgetfulness

restlessness and edginess

difficulty keeping quiet, and speaking out of turn

blurting out responses and often interrupting others

mood swings, irritability and a quick temper

inability to deal with stress

extreme impatience

taking risks in activities, often with little or no regard for personal safety or the safety of others – for example, driving dangerously

copy these into a word document and delete the ones you dont relate to. for the ones that you do, write a short paragraph about how this symptom impacts your daily life, and give concrete examples where possible. if you have 6 or more of these symptoms you most likely have adhd.

take some adhd quizzes online and screenshot the results and put those in the document too.

this will not only help you determine how certain you are that you have ADHD, but it will also help to streamline the diagnosis process because you can simply show your GP the document when you ask to be referred for an assessment.

if you dont end up being diagnosed with adhd, dont worry! there may be another underlying cause for why you feel as though you do. but if you get to the end of making your evidence document and still believe that you do have it, then you probably do! you know yourself better than anyone.

good luck!

[bkdk-and-extras]

because you protect them

you would do anything for them. they know they will always be safe with you, and they will never have to face the world alone. you are willing to take the heat if it means they don't. you're more than just a bodyguard, though; you're a safe place for them to land. you're home.

i found a uquiz and got promptly called out. as i do.

because you nurture them

you take care of people's souls. people are drawn to you because you make them feel fulfilled. your love is tender, constant, and whole. however, you often forget to nurture yourself in the same way, finding yourself burnt out and empty. save some gentleness for yourself. you deserve it.

[tvmblrsillyman]

.

[boozois]

Hi again I was wondering what happened to the post about the different Borzois? I'm making a little series and I was thinking of making one of some of them (I just made a post about it you can go to my posts and see what I'm talking about and if you don't want me to make your Borzois I'm fine with that I don't mind🫀)

hi sorry it took a while for me to answer this! hang on, it'll be a very long post. the world of borzois has expanded so much since that post! and, of course you can draw them or do whatever!

i think i know what you're talking about, was it the Borzoi Files i had as my pinned for a small bit? well, i ended up deleting the post as i was having some trouble keeping up with the characters. but i do remember roughly what they were! i cant really remember any of the names so take these ones with a grain of salt. there are a few names i actually know, like Tendo and We.

there's Tendo, who you can find pictures of on any image i've edited that has purple text. they are a shapeshifting Borzoi creature! i can't remember their background, but they are very friendly and like to travel.

one i cant remember the name of, but her posts always have red text, usually in the fancy header font. nowadays, i often use that lettering format because it looks good on my posts but theres no reason it couldnt be her! she is the most divine of the Borzoi creatures. she can shapeshift into any form, and can also cast spells or curses on other creatures/people/whathaveyou. i do remember that she has a feisty personality but a heart of gold.

there's Graffiti Dog, i call them that because 1. they live in a backrooms-style world, except it's never ending abandoned buildings and graffiti. 2. they like the graffiti! i think i only have one post of them but i should probably make another one. they are very sweet, and intelligent. they gaurd the people who get lost.

there's Ick, who lives with Graffiti Dog, and is not so nice. they eat people. Ick and graffiti dog dont get along at all, because ick is always scaring people. i do believe there's only one post of Ick, which has green text.

then theres Train Dog, who, you guessed it, lives in an infinite world of train yards, train tracks, train stations, all abandoned but somehow the trains still work. people who get lost there attempt to use the trains but it's dangerous because... Train Dog is the biggest of all the Borzoi creatures. and they also eat people. even tho they're the largest, they aren't the smartest, and have a limited understanding of language.

We is another Borzoi creature i do remember the name of, since it's so simple and it was one of my top posts. We's posts usually are captioned in the cursive header font, in black. one of the heads is blind, and also their smelling is extremely impaired. however, their hearing is better than the average dogs. the other head has one excellent eye and an above standard sniffer, but is deaf. this is due to the way they consumed eachother in the womb, they kinda absorbed each others powers. they are more like a dog than other Borzoi creatures, who can commune with humans more efficiently. they have no understanding of language beyong dog language of course!

Hose Goat was the first dog that ever got posted to this account, not to be confused with the Hose Goat Strain post which is actually just one of Tendo's forms. they are a borzoi creature that's very tall and skinny with goat horns. i don't remember much else about them tho...

these are only the first Borzoi characters i came up with! since then, we've had a lot more show up in this universe, such as,

Maxine, who is the star of my ARG. to be honest, no one really knows what she is. she might be a manifestation of god, or satan. she might just have been a normal dog who was the victim of an animal abuser. she might be a telepathic alien who can communicate with people through brainwaves. nobody really knows! but she sure is something..

Max, who is an abnormally giant Borzoi. he made friends with Maxine when he too got lost in the cornfield. Max is also the dog from the picture where the neighbor forgot to let their dog back in.

The Dog from the Urban Exploration Series: now this pupper uses the same format as the divine borzoi, but is not the same entity. The Dog is a creature made by scientists, a 20 foot borzoi that has 6 six legs. it's much like snake with legs in the way it's built. it can manuever around pretty much anywhere, flattening it's body like a rodent. it mainly stays in the pipe systems in the ceiling to stay warm, but comes out of hiding if threatened.

Sunny Pup Daycare's Borzoi: this is the dog from the "closing shift" image, which you can find in my top posts. they are just a giant borzoi, who doesn't have an owner and doesn't leave the daycare. they don't appear at daytime. it's sort of like a fnaf thing, where there's a security guard to watch them at night. only, it's just a daycare worker! and oh, yeah, the Daycare Borzoi doesn't kill anybody. unless it gives you a heart attack when it runs by you too quickly..

Storage Unit's Borzoi: this lil guy is something else. he's a brown borzoi. he's camouflaged in the boxes. and he's got an extendable neck, which can reach up to 8 feet. his head may be small, but the teeth are razor sharp, and his eyes are specialized in night vision. if you have a flashlight, you might blind him. bring food with you if you don't wanna get eaten..

and there's probably plenty others i'm not thinking of, but that's all for now! have fun with your little series, im looking forward to it :D

[deepestvoidsalad]

Bit of a vent post. Might delete in a bit

Medical stuff and mostly me rambling out thoughts. Might be a bit long.

Been real sick lately, worse then normal.

Incredibly thankful to everyone whos listened to me ramble about it this past bit and helped me get to and from my new appointments, and I wish I could do more to thank them cause ive really needed it and they deserve a lot more thanks then I feel I can give.

Especially my partner whos looking after me way more inbetween their own appointments, medical issues and other problems. But like I want to be able to be there for everyone else as well. Not just be the one receiving help and support. It doesn't feel fair to me and I want to help.

New medicines kinda kicking my ass tho (theyve got me on like 6 of them :0) so i dont know how long ill be up but im trying to learn queuing so I can stop appearing like once every few weeks to a month, spaming a few posts and vanishing lol. Think ive got it mostly figured out now.

Just trying to stay positive as much as I can, even if im a bit worried. Hard to accept that these issues may have gotten worse and there may even be new problems? Maybe just old ones that they never found and are finally bad enough to be taken seriously. Idk. I have doctors to help me now at least.

I just so desperately want to get back to writing and doing art again. But what little energy I have is like playing totk with my partner and attempting to look after myself and the house. Thats all I can really manage at this point, and its not that much when I can keep up with it. I often can't. Even traveling to appointments is incredibly difficult, and they are all in town still. Dont know what ill do if I have to go out of town, best not to think about it right now.

I probably should have known this health scare was coming because the bad flare was lasting a lot longer then it normally does and in hindsight, I felt the medication seemingly not doing as much, but live and learn I suppose. I'll know to keep an eye on it for next time. Hopefully things get better soon, hopefully this is it and there won't be a next time. The new meds are promising at least.

[early-grape]

check in tag hehe i like to share. ty bapey @clowwntown the way im all over ur answers tbh my impact :*

why did you choose your url? it was a copic marker colour bc i did used to use copic markers hjklh

any side blogs? yeah like. 5 but i never even use them im too scared to delete tho because i dont want to accidentally delete my main! reference

how long have you been on tumblr? 2016 ew

do you have a queue tag? no i never earned how and i dont want to but the best queue tag i ever came across was ‘hatsune miqueue’ 

why did you start your blog in the first place? debressed :D life no meaning

why did you choose your icon/pfp? i love the Escali P115PO Primo Digital Scale and my friends

why did you choose your header? im a libra and also SO influential 

what’s your post with the most notes? mmm idk i think it might b that landgraab one 

how many mutuals do you have? idk but they r more than enough 😌😌

how many followers do you have? 9,946 cut to me in 2019 saying ill delete once i hit 10k and im still at the same number p much lol i should have made more cc

how many people do you follow? 573

have you ever made a shitpost? i have never not

how often do you use tumblr each day? im unemployed what do u want from me

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? NO but one time i made a joke abt luxury party and this one simblr clique all blocked me for that and im still bitter and i STILL hate them and they are all so beloved hjklh i cant escape them

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts? i wont

do you like tag games? ya

do you like ask games? yes but i never get any !! >:0

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i was the second simblr margarita ridgeport ever followed humble brag hjlkh

tagging the homies

[justalitlecreacher]

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

[vamplified]

ABOUT

Yo my name’s Rhi, Bees, or Toad. Any  of those work. They/them pwease. 20 babey!!! You might know me from my splatoon sideblog. I’m currently going to school for zoology, and I like to draw really niche content. Yeehaw!

I also often stream art and/or games! You can see if I’m actively streaming things here or on my twitch. I don’t really plan anything in advance because it’s mostly informal dicking around, im not a professional or anything. I just like 2 have fun babey

There’s going to be a lot of gore, eye stain, and potential body horror galore cus I love that shit. It’s all definitely tagged tho so make sure you have a blacklist installed if you dont wanna see it ((general tags are used, like #gore, #blood, etc)). If you need anything tagged lmk!

My main blog is @rhi-draws-things, my art blog is @bees-draws. I post cotnd/coh art here but RB all my nice stuff to my art blog!

DNI if you’re an asshole. This includes if you’re: homophobic, transphobic, a nazi, antisemitic, racist, pro-cop, support incest/underage, “map”, support pewdiepie/shitty people, and all that bullshit I don’t feel like typing out. If you’re a freak get out dude you know who you are, and if you have any questions, you’re free to ask. I support pan, bi, and trans people, if you don’t, get the hell outta here!!!!

YES I have AUs. NO I don’t talk about them cus I’m scared of social judgement. We exist. If you send me asks abt anything ill love you forever

Anyway, onto some more FAQs!

Will you draw _______ for me? Maybe? It depends! Simple requests or funny asks might get doodles, but theres no guarantee I’ll do it, or what you want. If it involves OCs or something a bit more specific, commissions are almost always open!

Can I use your headcanons / draw in your style? Fuck yeah go nuts dudes!!! Also if you do I’d love to see it. I dont get pings so DM me things if you want me to see it

You drew vent art / something I might think is personal… is it OK to reblog this? Yes!!! I never post any art (or post at all) unless I want or expect it to be reblogged. All of my art, even vent art, is 100% fine to be reblogged.

Is it ok if I tag your art as me / kin / etc? Hell yeah, go ahead! The only time I don’t want you tagging something as kin is if its a commission of somebody’s OC; as that is not my call to make. Anything else I draw is ok to tag as kin <3

I sent you an ask, but you haven’t answered it :( Sorry!!! Sometimes i really don’t have the energy to answer asks in as much detail or with as much art as I’d like to, so I tend to hoard them until I feel like I can properly answer them! I will most likely get to it, though I will admit it might take a while because I get a lot of asks. I only ever delete asks if they’re really weird, repetitive, or I’ve answered one just like it recently.

My question isn’t answered here! Good thing I have an ask box! :D

[bakercrown]

Queenie Meta

FIrstly I want to say that me writing this doesn’t mean I support anything Queenie did in COG. Both the enchantment and joining Grindelwald were wrong. However, I do seem to see a lot of people who don’t understand her character or why she is behaving the way she is. Most of this I blame on COG’s awful editing, but some of it, I blame on fans not wanting to understand her character, so now they’re just slapping on labels like “monster” without analyzing who Queenie is and what might have brought her to this point. (assuming we don’t learn more in FB3)

The most important thing to understand about Queenie is that she is an extrovert who does not fit in with "normal" people. She is a social butterfly and she cares deeply about others. She's basically the mom friend. When she mets Jacob, she instantly feels empathy for him, being concerned that he hasn't eaten all day and showing empathy that he didn't get his loan. Tina, she chastises about her eating habits and she is concerned when Tina basically has brought criminals home at the start of the first movie. Even Newt, she sees his problems with Leta and tries to help as best she can. Queenie loves people desperately and wants to feel loved like that in return, but often because of her powers, she doesn't. Think of how often even her closest friends say things like "don't read my mind, Queenie." She is trying desperately to be accepted, but on some levels feels like even the people who love her don't accept her. Feeling like even the people who love you just tolerating a part of you is a rough way to live. 

Now, think about where Queenie ends in FB1. For so long, she just had Tina, who she loves even if they don’t have a lot in common. But at the end of the movie, things are different! They’ve befriended Newt Scamander and Queenie has fallen in love with the kindest, sweetest man she has ever met. She goes to Jacob’s bakery and is eager to reconnect with him. 

But then things begin to go south. First you have the spellbound article. Queenie feels like Newt has betrayed her sister to marry the high school sweetheart who from what she was able to deduce from reading his mind, mistreated him. (Which she was wrong about, but that’s another essay for another day.) So they’re not talking with Newt. Then Tina finds out about her seeing Jacob and of course goes into overprotective sister mode, which Queenie sees as dismissing her feelings. Queenie just wants to belong and be loved and she’s never felt anything like this before. In her eyes, Tina cares more about her job than her happiness. They stop talking. 

Which leaves Queenie with Jacob as the only person left in her support system. At this point, Queenie has next to no one left. She’s not talking with her sister, the only family she has. She just wants to feel loved and she loves Jacob so much! She feels like if she and Jacob get married, she’ll finally belong and be loved. After all, Jacob is even the one of the group who doesn’t mind the Legilimency, who sometimes seems to like it. He accepts her for her, see Jacob’s line in COG of “What do I miss about Queenie? Everything. Even the things that drove me nuts, I miss.” I mean, he even loves the things about her that annoy him! So when she puts Jacob under the spell, Queenie’s logic is basically “we can’t hide forever. This is the only way we can be a family.” Think about her line of “I just want to have a family. I want what everyone else has, that’s all.” Does that make it right? Noooooo way. But people who are overpowered with strong negative emotions don’t always think logically. 

So then enter Grindelwald. Tina and Jacob have been very dismissive of her feelings, which makes it easy for Grindelwald to “swoop in to the rescue” so to speak. He validates Queenie, tells her that he doesn’t want to hurt her, that he wants what she wants, for her to be able to marry the man who loves her and accepts her. Also, in the amphitheater, he says something about “we who live for truth... And love.” He knows Queenie well enough to know that she, like Credence, is starving for love, and that claiming that he’ll emotionally validate her is the only way to win her over. 

But what really pushed Queenie to Grindelwald, as well as his sweet-talking words of validation and supposedly “unconditional love”** was Jacob calling her crazy. Queenie has worked so hard to fit in and be accepted by “normal” people, that Jacob seeing through her fasade hurts, especially since Jacob is arguably one of the few people who accepts and loves her unconditionally, even the parts that scare other people off. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. It’s okay to not like Queenie after COG, what I’m not okay with is people not understanding her. Which I’ll be fair is partly to be blamed on the movie’s crap editing. Because you can’t argue the editing wasn’t shit after COG’s deleted scenes. But part of it I feel like is people not understanding what makes Queenie tick, which I hope this post remedies a bit!

**or so it appears. We all know of course that Grindelwald is using her and that Jacob and Tina are the ones who really love her, but again, another essay for another day.

[eregyrn-falls]

Are gravity falls commentary by Alex and deleted scene (due to time) canon. I mean i thought it was canon at first but the more i into it the more he seems to deny the theory Bill survive in Stan mind. So why included the dying messages and the code keep the fans hope up if it doesn't matter to the storyline anymore. Its so unnatural to Alex deny and destroy the fan's theory and headcanons. I dont know guys i just scared he is milking Gravity Falls. I'm sorry if i annoy you guys

Sorry that it took a little bit to get to this.  But here are my thoughts:

To be honest, I DO NOT think that things mentioned in the DVD commentaries, and especially not the deleted scenes, are “canon”.  But, I think that depends partly on how you define canon.  Others may define it differently from the way I do.

The way I tend to look at these things: what was actually in the show is “canon”.  “Secondary canon” is still that was in official auxiliary materials (Journal 3 and the Blacklight Edition, various books, including the graphic novel).  In my view, secondary canon material is nice, and I might accept it if I like it, but I don’t necessarily feel bound by it, especially if it contradicts something seen in primary canon (the show).  Then there’s “tertiary canon” – stuff that comes from commentary in interviews, twitter, or the dvd commentaries.  Again – sometimes it’s really nice to know, but I tend not to feel bound by it.  I’ll borrow from it if I really like it.  Alex Hirsch himself has implied that stuff from interviews and twitter and stuff like that are “his headcanons”, which puts that material an even further rung down in importance.  (Use it if you like it!  If not, ignore!)  Again, the show is the final arbiter.

This is just the way I work.  It also goes without saying that I find discussions and weighing of canon interesting.  Other folks may feel differently!

Anyway – it was truly never “canon” (in any sense that I am aware of) that Bill survived in Stan’s mind.  As far as I know, that was a popular fan theory, based on various pieces of reasoning; but it was never explicitly stated in the show (canon), or even in any piece of secondary canon that I’m aware of.  Don’t mix up popular or even plausible fan theories with what is “canon”.

Even the idea that Bill might have “survived” in some sense – and the evidence in favor of this, like the dying messages and the codes – never actually confirms that his method of survival was inside Stan’s mind.  Different theories could be created to explain his “survival”.  We aren’t told explicitly.

Why include those hints at all?  I think, partly, because it’s “fun”.   The viewpoint of Alex and others on the show seems to be that mysteries are fun, and they know that the fan base enjoys digging out evidence of those mysteries, and spinning theories.  Sometimes that activity is an end in itself.  Asking questions and wondering and making theories is often much more satisfying than being given answers.  (Although, I think Gravity Falls is a rare instance of a show that raised questions and mysteries that it then answered in very satisfying ways.  But it still left other mysteries unanswered, because it wouldn’t be as fun if everything was solved.)

For this reason, I don’t see Alex’s comments on his view of it, in the DVD commentaries, as denying or destroying fan theories or headcanons.  He has said several times that his headcanons are just that – his headcanons.  He thinks that fans should feel free to have their own headcanons, and they should not privilege his over theirs.  He wants fans to keep having fun with the material, not to shoot them down.

And sure, maybe it doesn’t matter to the story any more – but that’s not the only reason for Alex (and others who made the show) to continue to talk about it.  They’re just talking about what was in their minds when they created the show.  Some fans find that kind of behind the scenes look at the creative process really interesting (I absolutely do!).  The value of such commentary is not solely about whether it tells us something regarding where the story goes after the finale of the show.  

To be clear: it’s okay if you value it for that!  And if you are particularly interested in that!  But that may not be Alex’s or others’ aims in making the comments, and other fans may value the information in other ways.  

But, if you find yourself unable to continue to hold a theory because Alex said something that contradicts what you think, that’s more about your decision to regard his comments as more important than your ideas.  I don’t think it’s what he (or others who worked on the show) are trying to do.

Finally – I honestly don’t think that he is “milking” Gravity Falls.  I think he genuinely loves the show and its characters; and I think he’s genuinely touched by the continued love and enthusiasm shown for it by its fandom.  I think that what he’s given us since then has been things that the fans have been very loud in saying we want.  The DVD set, with its bonus material and commentaries, is also a way of creating a lasting monument to the show, that hopefully will be available to future viewers for years to come.

I do think it’s worth keeping in mind, though, that whenever you ask a creator for more material, there’s always the chance that you won’t like what they give you as much as you liked the original thing.  I think fans always have to be prepared for that.  Many people have loved many aspects of some of the further material that we’ve gotten – the Journal and its blacklight edition, the books, the graphic novel, the DVDs.  But not everybody has loved every aspect of those works, and that’s okay.  You don’t have to love it, or even incorporate what’s in it, with the same level of love that you might have for the show.

At this stage, I don’t really know how many more Gravity Falls things we can really expect to see, either.  I’m hoping for an Art Book, with a lot more behind the scenes looks at the development of the show.  I don’t know whether we’ll ever get another graphic novel, with post-finale stories, or not.  I think that Alex, and many others who worked on the show, have new creative projects to focus on, and that’s cool.  I’m looking forward to seeing what many of them do next!

[ask-bts-stuff]

hey sarah! so youve become rlly popular and i want to know ur secret. im an art student and have been for many years, ive had an art account for 5 yrs and im STILL stuck on 200 followers. i didnt want "fame" i just wanted my art appreciated. it was special to me but without motivation i deleted my account and dont draw except for my coursework and art projects. aah it hurts when you try to be appreciated and no one cares :-(

Hey!!! Tbh I don't think I'm that popular but ayy;;;It's been one year that I'm drawing on this blog and I know how things work here for artists, so I'm going to talk franklySome people might tell you "you only need to post quality drawings to get noticed uwu". Well thats not true. Here's whyYou see you have on tumblr the "popular" section and the "newest section". Most people only go to the popular section. So when you're a new artist who doesnt get a lot of notes, your drawing will only stay in the "newest" section. And like I said only a few people look at it. But there's something else, if a post has a lot of notes, a lot of people will reblog it because it has a lot of notes. If another post doesnt, a lot of people will hesitate to reblog it. It's a thing, when something is popular we kinda want to be part of it "if its popular there must be a reason so I want to reblog it". Lets not forget that reblogging something means that the post will be on someone's blog. People dont want to have a "bad post" on their blog. And for a lot of people good post= a lot of notes, which isnt true.So how to get noticed? Well you need someone who's popular to reblog your drawing. Thats it, thats how things work here. Most of the time your followers see you as a support person. So if a popular blog reblogs something, more people will see it and more people will reblog it because they trust the person they follow. "If they reblogged this then it must be nice", so people wont be scared to reblog.Also a popular blog often has popular friends/ mutuals yknow, so they might all reblog and bam you get noticed.So basically it's luck. I always said that it's hard to get noticed here because its just luck. You might be the best artist on this planet, there's a lot of chance that you wont get noticed. And you might be a not-so-good artist like me and get noticed (i mean it was easier for me because I draw "humourous" stuff but yeah).I can't give you a way to be popular because it's just luck. I see so many good artists who only get like 20 notes. So really it's not because you don't get noticed that it means you're not a good artist, dont forget that.

[tinkdw]

The romantic writing of Dean / Cas (through deleted scenes)

OK, so full disclosure. This started as a simple answer but turned into a whole thing about TPTB and the meaning of deleted scenes and kind of therefore ended up as a Tink’s own small version of a masterpost of the writing of Destiel.

For me, deleted scenes are really important. They made their way to the DVD anyway so are part of canon, lets start with that. But they are deleted for a reason. And before that, they are though up, written, authorised, acted and edited for a reason.

For me the deleted scenes I list below are a big, core part of why I believe Dean and Cas are written romantically and that this is canon. Whether they decide to follow through on it is another matter but I and I know a lot of others agree that they are clearly written romantically and these deleted scenes uphold that. Then they are deleted. Now, some deleted scenes are for time but as you can see here, these scenes often hold key information regarding the overall narrative so clearly they are deleted because of the strong Destiel references. I like to believe this is because they just want to drag it out instead of completely get rid of it from the show, I was worried I’ll be honest before mid season 11 but since then I’m tentatively positive in that I believe the tides are turning and they will textualise Destiel properly and stop deleting these kinds of scenes, especially since season 12 has had so many similar scenes go through to the final cut…

The important deleted scenes for me regarding Destiel are:

1. The deleted scene from 10x23 

Cas states clearly that his time on earth has been more important to him than any time in Heaven and Sam and Dean are like family to him.

here’s a link. Basically it’s this:

Source:

http://constiellation.tumblr.com/post/134329938841/10x23-deleted-scene

As always Cas’s scenes that are just too emotionally compromising or hint too deeply at his feelings for Dean (even if Sam is lobbed in there too) are deleted, BUT this in particular has now been addressed in 12x12! So….fingers crossed?!

2. The deleted scene from season 9 

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE, IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO THE WHOLE SHOW, to the whole of the narrative for Cas and Crowley. 

Here’s a link to the video.

This one scene just kills me as it sets up Cas and Crowley’s whole arcs for the whole show and yet it is deleted because, clearly, no homo. As otherwise it is an excellent scene to shed light on two of the core characters of the show and reveals their motivations for their actions, which is what a lot of the fans have struggled with, saying these 2 characters are stale. 

In this scene Cas and Crowley discuss how they ‘dislike’ being human and how it’s so not worth it and why would you want to be human anyway (the underlying feeling being that they’re both lying and there is a reason they would like to be) - and then Dean immediately walks in and they share a glance. This is….. expositional screenwriting 101 ? 

I mean this is a classic - in fact it reminded me so clearly of the opening scene of a classic romantic supernatural love pairing in the cartoon Beauty and the Beast - the narrator says “for… who could love a Beast?” - and it CUTS TO BELLE’s introduction…

And yet they cut this scene. And it means we don’t get a clear narrative reason why Cas and Crowley do what they do and are who they are, and casual viewers who don’t look into things as deeply as all of us are confused and think they’re stale and uninteresting. 

Without this scene only people who really look into the show in huge detail, dorks like me, will know that Cas and Crowley are mirrors of each other and both their arcs up to a point revolve entirely around Dean Humanity Winchester.

Yes. That is what happens when you cut important scenes for a stupid reason, the whole show doesn’t make sense and fans get annoyed. *facepalms*.

There are probably people out there who think Cas still wants to be an Angel pffff because he said “I just wanna be an Angel again“ that one time. Yeah, that one time he thought Dean was dead and there was nothing left for him and he knew being a proper Angel would lessen his emotional pain and give him a purpose to focus on. But then, as soon as he learned Dean was still wandering the Earth he just… hangs around, pining, languishing in the blue bathrobe of despair, hoping to fix him. 

And when he finally does get some grace back (FROM CROWLEY - these two are so interlinked Chuck help me what a great narrative if they actually showed it properly) he doesn’t WANT the grace, Crowley doesn’t really want to give Cas grace either but he does it FOR DEAN, and Cas, he allows Crowley to do it FOR DEAN. This then also reminds us how earlier on when Cas steals his first lot of grace Dean asks Cas if he’s cool about being an Angel again Cas deflects and says he needs it. Not wants it, but needs it to fight.  

WHY does Castiel not want his grace back? WHY might Castiel have learned to love ‘humanity’? WHY might Castiel want to be human?

THIS IS SO IMPORTANT FOR CASTIEL’S ENTIRE STORY.  

*facepalms again*.

3. The deleted scene from 10x14.

Here’s a link. 

This scene is not only is great for it’s own individual reveal - Cas and Crowley jealously pretending they dont care about Dean and perhaps he is the other’s boyfriend, even using the term boyfriend, I mean, guys. Could this be clearer? 

But this also just ties in to the whole end of the episode where Dean hands CAS the first blade instead of returning it to Crowley. HE CHOOSES CAS! THIS IS SO IMPORTANT (and is easily overlooked as it was deleted for *reasons*).

This, in an episode where Cas is clearly narratively paralleled as Dean’s Colette, where Dean is scared of losing himself and in a call-back to the season’s start and call-forward to the season’s ending Cas is desperately trying to save him and stop, to keep his humanity….

So, in conclusion… 

There is a recurring theme of Destiel (and Drowley) - heavy scenes being cut and this is hurting the narrative of the overall show. It’s not that these relationship are written into the show to begin with that is the problem as they are key to so much of the overall story arcs but the fact that they are written in, used extensively as key points in the story while being kept in the subtext and then when there is an opportunity to make it textual to make it make SENSE to the narrative it is so heavily affecting, these scenes are cut.

*FACEPALMS SO HARD INTO MY KEYBOARD*

Why are they hurting their own show by doing this?!

So yeah, it’d be lovely if they actually showed these scenes that explains WHY things are happening to the casual viewer and Destiel shippers weren’t sometimes made to feel like we are grasping at straws. 

Newsflash, it’s like a milkshake bar there are so many straws in this show, everyone involved knows about it and plays on it and CONSISTENTLY WRITES IT INTO THE MAIN NARRATIVE.

Just search Amara on my blog, the whole of season 11 doesn’t make sense without Destiel. If God’s sister herself reveals that Dean represents humanity after the fandom had that meltdown after Metatron’s ‘in love with humanity’ speech, DURING a scene interspersed with Metatron just to remind us ;) If God’s sister has to work through the Dean / Cas longing to reach Dean, uses Cas to manipulate Dean, keeps talking to Dean about love and hiding things, holding back, if Dean calls out to Cas while in Amara’s presence and pretty consistently only cares about Cas during these interactions where Amara is present, even though they themselves are bonded by the mark, one of God’s most powerful creations…. please. 

And season 12 basically is one long Cas-focused parallel so they know what they are doing at this point. I want to trust Dabb but we have been burned before so… tentatively fingers crossed on this one now.

It’s just so freaking stupid to build a gorgeous story and through Chuck knows what, I like to hope it’s not homophobia but at these points I feel like what else can it be, they ruin their own narrative and make the story just flounder, not making a whole lot of sense because  they are not following through on their own narrative and we are therefore MISSING INFORMATION!

We are tired of waiting for this all to make sense.

So I recommend anyone and everyone pay attention to deleted scenes. They are scenes that show that writers have noticed all the other subtext themselves in order to add to it, then thought about, written, acted out, edited and at the last junction been ripped out, and from these scenes it’s clear why, they all share a focal point - canonising or at least heavily clarifying the subtext between Cas and Dean and/or Crowley and Dean.

Because it is there, we are not insane. If it gets so far as to get acted out and left on the cutting room floor then it’s there and there’s a reason it’s been cut.

[zeonghan]

AAAHHH ANON!!! THIS IS!! TOO SEXUAL!!

lmao let’s do it

S. Coups

daddy is gonna nut 

he would b very shook at first real life mr krabs and then gradually he’d turn into a red hot mush he can’t even talk

OR when you start dancing he’s like oohhyeaahh but then you do a step wrong and he’s like hUH gets up himself and 1ups u rip. now u r the mushy hot mess how the tables have TURNED SON

tbh afterwards it wouldn’t be a big deal

i have been SAVING THIS GIF for a request like this lmaooooo i plan ahead B)

Jeonghan

would do his coil little smile u this little shit probably films it 

sometimes he adds the song to a playlist twice when you guys are alone “lets have fun and dance jagiya!11!!1!! oh wow! playboy by exo is playing!!!”

lowkey would brag about it to the boys bc lets be real he’s that kind of guy. but only to scoups and joshua bc the others are too young for SEXUAL CONTENT.

rip joshua and seungcheol. when they compliment u jeonghan gets mad, when they say they r uncomfortable jeonghan gets mad, when they dont comment at all jeonghan gETS MAD its a catch 22

Joshua

i know that most people depict him as this holy catholic Jisoos but like! he is a boy! who would really really like! his girlfriend to! dance to playboy by exo! more often!

has a really big grin on this face and probably sings or claps along omgthismarshmallow 

but like one time it played in the car when you guys were w the other boys and they have never seen joshua move so fast to literally slam down on the radio button lmao you weren’t even doing anything but now this song makes him feel a certain way

has daydreams about it

Jun

has no idea what’s happening? doesn’t even know that it’s playboy by exo? because he’s too busy looking at u :’)

he’s just watching at the start and then his pants get tight and he gets up to pin you against the wall and that’s all folks this is not an nsfw post no no but lowkey would feel you up and get really hot and bothered. do you guys have sex? probably

sexy dances all the time no, sexy dancing is your thing u guys r unstoppable no one wants to hang out with you guys anymore

but dont worry yall aint ott with the whole dirty dancing classy on the streets, nasty in the sheets

Hoshi

he’s actually so pure he would make the :o face and then he would make the face he makes when he watches other idols perform - you know the one

blushes a lot and probably wants to ask you to stop but it’s lowkey not even a sexy dance and he double thinks and then comes to a conclusion that he’s just a pervert like rip hoshi 2kSVT

he wouldn’t tell anyone about it bless his heart

next time you guys are hyped and dancing he’d probably play a shinee song and hope u dance to it the way you do to exo

Wonwoo

leaves the room but comes back but goes to the bathroom and doesn’t come out for a very long time lmao

when he’s back your dancing to a different song but still dancing so he puts it back to playboy and youre like what ??? but this boy is like shrugshrug idk i like the song shrugshrugshrug

but youre tired so you take a seat and he’s lowkey salty that you’re not dancing

because he really wants to see it again but he doesn’t wanna seem like that guy so he holds it in and sheds a tear

Woozi

stares the whole time kinda shamelessly but then when it’s over he looks away to hide his blush because he is a child inside

he probably swears a lot under his breath because he doesn’t want think of having sex w you bc he’s similar to wonwoo in the sense that he doesn’t want to seem like that guy

deletes playboy from his phone afterwards but then changes his mind and puts it back

considers writing a song with a similar mood because he is now digging this concept self-consciencely

DK

sunshine that doesn’t hide his emotions like thank god we have one son who can express his emotions shamelessly

ur number one fan “wooo!!1 shake it!! that’s it! you got this!! damn gguurrrlll!!!”

sings along to it but in an exaggerated hyper way although sometimes he’ll sing it in ways that make u melt while your dancing literally turns into some kind of angry memeing cause both of you are hyping each other up rip ur neighbours they just want one quiet night

the boys are scared to ride the same car as you two justin case playboy starts playing and that says a lot more than words can

Mingyu

you don’t know what you’re doing to him

he’s so excited like omg he’s the same as joshua as in he just wants you to sexy dance sometimes and he claps along

watches open mouthed but also a bit sheepishl. loves that it makes him feel scandalous lol

that one time someone actually walked in mingyu started screaming and standing and it literally scared the shit out of everyone because he’s a walking lamp post. really embarrassed about it and probably scarred and never wants to hear playboy again

been saving this gif too

Minghao

rip minghao doesn’t know what hit him so he is in total shock mode this is not a drill you don’t even notice he’s in shock mode

My Story: My Girlfriend Was A Sexy Dancer In Her Previous Life???

im sorry but i cant see minghao 100% enjoying it because he’s pure and tries to hide behind something, like he’d catch himself enjoying it and just be like ohmygod i have lost touch with Jisoos (im sorry its just such a spendable joke)

jun probably tells him its okay to like it bc u look hot and minghao becomes thughao like bro thats my girl you cant say shes hot u pervert

that camera is the something he hides behind lmao

Seungkwan

like DK but toned down because he would be half terrified

not because it’s too sexy or he’s too turnt but that he immediately thinks HOW DO I TOP THAT because divaboo is just as sexy as u and can sing the song a whole octave higher

when he joins in you don’t laugh, i mean you laugh but in a relaly good way that makes him happy and it makes him like youu 100x more because you don’t judge him and you get his humour and at the same time you make him feel happy

hhhhhhhh i just want him to be happy and loved

Vernon

kinda like minghao he doesn’t know what to do

might started uncontrollably smiling because he’s kind of flustered and kind of happy and kind of embarrassed

mouths the lyrics to the song and doesn’t take his eyes off you + maybe films it

uses the video he filmed of you to make a lit edit and you’re waiting to see it but it’s a crack video because we can’t trust this meme i can’t trust him you shouldn’t trust him - with videos of you dancing that is

Dino

this might count as nsfw so i won’t do him lmao

but im a shit so i’ll leave this because i can really see him saying this “oh my god, waaa, that’s my girl”

lmao is this nsfw? no it’s not. but is it? should just leave thesse to mod velvet lmao

mod kimchi!!

[letters-to-a-listener]

02. Feb. | 22:46 - 23:32

Whaddup y'all

Quick summary of my current life: I left the group surrounding the LA Drama stuff (look at my last post if confused), I'm an adult now and got a lot of money for my birthday, I'll start working in a few days and will be traveling this year for sure. So far so good. I'm back in a group with LA, it's not healthy for me, I'll leave soon. And I'm crushing hard. Which is why I'm writing again.

To be honest, I was very scared, I am very scared to write this because I feel like it makes it more real. I kinda hope it isn't.

This time I'm going to say names (one name) because his name is Sebastian and it seems like I have a thing for Sebastians. And Jakobs. The biggest crushes I've had were on Jakobs and Sebastians. But not the main point. Back to this specific Sebastian.

Really important note in-between: I do shooting for sport, no moving or even alive targets, in closed areas with high safety standards. Please don't think I'm some fun weaving idiot

I've met him the first time a while ago. Probably over a year, maybe two. He was and still is very attractive, could be a little bit taller but that's alright. I met him at the shooting range in our village, my father takes me there quite often, and he let us use his guns every now and then. Ive never talked to him on a personal level, it was and still is always about the sport.

Now in January I turned 18, meaning I am now legally allowed to use bigger guns and so my father took me to another range to try some. Sebastian (S from now on, its shorter and easier to write) kind of organised it, he got us the guns, everything. I don't mean to brag but I'm good at shooting. Maybe better than most, at least good enough to impress him and his friends who lend us the guns. And all of them were either at the army, or at the police, so they all know how to shoot. It was great to see all of them and especially him that impressed.

This weekend my father had a competition in our home club, I trained parallel to them to get used to the situation, having the goal in mind, to participate in a competition one day as well. Later S came with a friend of his, it wasn't planned though. I thought my father had brought both of his guns, so I could train afterwards with the bigger one, but he didn't and that's where the real "problem" starts.

Sebastian offered me to use his stuff. Of course I agreed, I want to get better, so I have to train. The next half hour or so hr showed me different guns, helped me with my posture and aim, was very, very close to me. Looking back at it I'm freaking out a bit.

Ammunition for large caliber guns is expensive. He just gifted it to me. Just said it was a present. I died internally. Extremely insecure about how to react I thanked him quite a few times, then left. I was almost outside, I saw his friend side-hug him, the weird way guys sometimes do it, this proud, exited but also teasing way. And I THINK I heard him (the friend) say something like dream woman. I THINK. And I have to GET IT OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!!!!

In general it wouldn't be a problem. I'm an adult, he's an adult, in theory no problem. But I dont know how old he is. When I first met him, he was clean shaved, he looked very young, now he has a light beard and looks much older. Not old old, but old enough to maybe be too old for an 18-yeqr-old. But he also may be quite young!

And I have this awful memory of someone wearing a marriage ring but I don't remember clearly who exactly it was. I don't think I've seen him wear one, but I'm not sure. It might have been him but he just took the ring off, when doing something, for what you need precise finger movements? Or it wasn't him and he's young and everything's fine???

Of course I've tried finding him online to see, if I can find his age or his relationship status, but he seems to not exist... No Facebook, no Instagram, no Google results, nothing. Maybe it's good I didn't find him, maybe is bad. I still don't know anything detailed about him, hope something shatters the hopes I am trying to push far far away. And please, make it happen soon...

Feeling better, having that written down. Felt cute relieving, might delete later <3

Hope you have an even better time than me!

Yours sincerely

Ace. (That's me)

p.s.: lonely shout-out to my only follower, hope I didn't lose you with this one-sided crush drama, thanks for maybe caring a bit !

May your sleep be deep and refreshing, your day be light and exciting! Drink enough, get some sun onto your skin and into your heart 🌻💛🌻💛🌻