#mom was raised religious but did not force me or my siblings into the religion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

witnessme-shinyandchrome · 1 year

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Letters about my mom #1

My mother was the main parent I had growing up. Dad visited super often but this is mostly about mom. She was a nurse, worked herself to the bone to provide for 3 kids. Multiple jobs.

I was the youngest and the only girl for about 9 years. Then she had my youngest sister. Who I pretty much hated from day one. Massive jealousy issues. Thankfully I eventually got therapy and my sister and I have mostly repaired out relationship. I try really hard to a better sibling.

During therapy I also worked really hard to repair my relationship with my mom. And it mostly worked, I started understanding why she did certain things and appreciated all the effort and hard work she put in to raise us.

And because she worked hard and loved up and tried her best, obviously it meant she never abused us. Btw spent a good minute trying to type out that sentence. It's so much easier to view 'abusive parents' as uncaring heartless monsters. Like the ones on tv shows.

She never hit me, but she definitely hit my brothers. I mean, never hit me outside of spanking. But I was scared of her, and scared she'd hit me. If I cried she'd say, 'I'll give you something to cry about' I don't really know what else it could have meant.

It's so hard. From where I am now, I can see her undiagnosed medical issues. Her rampant depression. Her (still) undiagnosed mental issues. With two autistic kids and one with bpd, she definitely has some issues she that she passed on and isn't sorting out.

But growing up with her sucked. Getting in trouble for asking questions, or crying, or getting to loud because I was excited. And only now am I understanding her... delusions? I guess?

She became super religious around 8 years ago. I mean, balls deep in religion. She demanded we go to church every Sunday. Started talking about immortal souls and burning in hell. And dealing with that at the same time as confronting my gender identity and sexuality... not great.

And then the conspiracy theories. I just brushed them off. I thought she's a rational hard working adult. She'll understand how silly it all is, because she is smart and experienced. When I was around 14 or 15, she told me, 'one day, men with guns will come to your school. They will assault you and point guns at you and tell you to renounce God. You have to tell them you'll NEVER renounce God or you'll burn in hell.'

She then described in great detail what female circumcision is, and what king of genital mutilation they would do to me to force me to convert religions.

A few years later she told me all about how the government (obama) would put us all under shiranda law.

A few years later, the US economy was going to collapse and we'd all be bartering with silver and gold.

Her most recent shit, the rapture is happening. End of the month, rapture. Oh, and if it doesn't happen at the end of the month, then in 7 years. Gotta cover the bases I guess.

Some other vague ones, the illuminati is real, and involves all celebrities. Also the moonlanding is fake.

She trapped me in the car a few days ago to tell me the world is ending. I am unfortunately dependent on her. It was all I could do not to burn that bridge and tell her to let me the fuck out and I'll walk my ass home.

I am so SICK of this. Every time I find equilibrium mentally she fucking rips my scaffolding apart. I followed her religion for a few years because im 95% anxiety and the idea of burning in hell scares me more than anything else.

But loyalty out of fear is not true loyalty. I cannot spend my life, cowering and shivering in a corner.

I'm struggling with the idea that my relationship hasn't improved with her. Have I just been excusing her bad behaviors? How do I reconcile the idea that someone who I thought was rational and realistic is actually a fear mongering bigot.

I'm dreading seeing her this Thursday. Will she start up her religious doctrine when I'm trapped in the car with her? I can't have an outburst. I'm far too dependent on her. But neither can I go to work after and have a breakdown.

I kinda wanna pull the, cutting up a credit card and skipping town move.

#letters about my mom #anti religion #conspiracy #anxitey

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withahappyrefrain · 2 years

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Okay I assume (and please know I say this with all respect) that you probably grew up in a religious/constervative/purity culture heavy home. Probably have a huge boner for the "I can fix"/morally grey man. And that you have achieved grade A MILF status without having any (human) children that we know of 👀👀👀

Kinda? You're very close anon.

So my mom is Methodist, my dad is Jewish. We grew up observing both religions, but their compromise was that my siblings and I were never baptized or had a Bar Mitzah. So I knew that religion could be important to folks, but I saw it in a healthy way aka both my parents were like "we're going to be good people and also we're not going to follow a book from 500 years ago to the Tee". I also saw that two people with different beliefs could not only coexist, but also love each other and raise children. And that's very important to me now, as my fiancé is Atheist but knows that I want to share my Jewish culture with our children and that's a topic we've discussed and have come to an agreement. Neither of us are forcing religion on our kids (it's going to be brought up in a "hey, this is what Mom and Dad celebrate!"), but if our kids are interested in any religion, I will most likely be the one to take them to places and help learn with them. He unfortunately did not have a positive experience with religion, but knows that I did, knows that it's possible, and wants me to be the one to guide our kids with that (I say "guide" when I'm down to support whatever they want to believe). We also know that we will talk to our kids how no matter the religion, some people use that as a reason to be assholes and that's not okay. Again, it's about communicating and compromise.

Also my mom was very much "if you need birth control, just fucking tell me. I won't ask questions. I'd rather you be protected." and like, I will do that with my kids. Because it was so wonderful knowing I could go to her and say "Mom, I need this" and know she wouldn't judge, she just helped me make the appointment. My parents were very big in "tell us if you need help, and we'll help you. We won't judge" and that's what I want to be as a future parent. My mom was the first/only of her sisters to live with a man before marrying them. And she faced backlash/criticism from it. So she is very realistic. We love her.

Yes, I like the idea of fixing man. In reality? Nah. I'm marrying a former fuckboy. He started his reformation before meeting me. So again it worked for me. BUT. Was I the woman that he was like "OOOOO I'm marrying her, that's my future wifey". Yes and it's an ego boost.

With my greys and tits, yes I am a MILF, despite not having any kids. My students are always surprised when halfway through the year, I mention not having any kids. "You don't have any kids?!" They're also six, which is why they're surprised after having me for half a year. But yes, this is spot on. If I did have kids, I'd let y'all know but wouldn't show any pictures. I'm a firm believer in not exposing my child to the world wide web. Family and friends is one thing, but the whole internet? Nah.

#ask #anon

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cowboyjen68 · 3 years

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ms. cowboy, this is a little heavy, so feel free to disregard if you're not comfortable answering, but how do you tell the difference between natural and trauma-induced sexual aversion? i've considered myself to be a lesbian since i was a teenager, but i'm now coming to terms with the fact that being raised very religious damaged my relationship with my sexuality. i'm worried that my disinterest in men is because of that and i've been wrong this whole time. 1/3

“2/3 I've been attracted to women powerfully enough to pursue sex and relationships despite my fear and discomfort with sexual things, never had the same experience with men. i have what i would call intrusive thoughts about sex with men, sort of forcing myself to frequently re-evaluate if the idea still disgusts me. male genitalia always has been and still is gross to me. when i realized i was gay, i was thrilled to escape the idea of having to marry a man,

3/3but again, i was raised v christian, so the expectation that i would marry a man had even more cultural baggage than it would for most women (i.e., that i would be a housewife and mother to however many kids he wanted regardless of my wishes). are these experiences lesbians have?”

I just want to let you, and anyone out there thinking about sending me an ask. Your honest questions and requests for some space to vent, to talk, to ask about your experiences are never “too much” for me.

I was not raised in religion BUT I was still surrounded by it and definitely by the expectation that I would meet a man, marry, have kids and die after 50 years together. All of my siblings married young and it was the unspoken expectation that in our family we don’t divorce and we stay happily together. Partially because mom and dad were genuinely in love and happy so why wouldn’t we all be that way? Right? My siblings were all much older than me by 17, 20 and 25 years.. they were all married by the time I was 3 or 4. My only exposure to relationships were “happily” married straight couples so I only knew that path.

I knew men (boys) were unattractive to me. I felt no giddiness in going on a date with them or (EW) kissing them. When I was asked out by them the only “good thing” was that when I had a date or boyfriend the other girls in my class were interested. I was “one of the girls”. We had things to talk about. I would make up EVERY excuse in the world to NOT kiss my boyfriend: a cold sore, a sniffle, a cough, a headache, too tired.. poor guy.. he did nothing wrong except exist as a man to gross me out.

Trauma can certainly cause an aversion to males, sexually and otherwise but trauma will not make you alternatively sexually attracted to females. So you are either bi or a lesbian if your attraction to women exists. Our sexual orientation, that attraction to women does not exist as an “opposite” to an attraction to men. That does not come into the equation at all so it exists without aversion to men in any way. We don’t have to be totally grossed out by men( we can but just disinterested) to be a lesbian.. only solely attracted to women.

If you are solely sexually, romantically and emotionally ( or a combo) attracted to women you are a lesbian and whether you had trauma or not to make you feel like men are sexually uninteresting or even gross does not matter because your orientation does not rely on being “anti” to exist.

That all being said it is not necessary to be 100 percent certain of your orientation right this moment. There is zero shame in using lesbian if that is what you feel is correct. Your orientation does not change, only your understanding of it as you grow, gain experience, learn about yourself. Mistakes happen that wouldn’t if our world was neutral. which it is not.. and probably never will be.

#lesbian #dating #orientation

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lateknightsimmer · 4 years

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Sims Tag Game

Rules:

Pick a sim of your choice

Tell us about them

Tag someone else (if you want to!)

I was tagged by @lilyshadowwriter to do the Sims Tag Game. Aww, haha, my first little thing I’ve been tagged in since I started paying attention to my Tumblr again. Thanks! You’re a sweetie. I’ll tag @freckled-pixels because I ♥ wuv her. LOL.

I’m choosing my Generation 3 heir from Echoes of Eternity, the current generation I’m writing.

Name: Armand Decimus Hunt

When is your sim’s birthday? Mimicking LilyShadow here, I’m a bad Sim Mom. I have a super nerdy reference sheet of everyone’s ages, from Generation 1 - Generation 3 (both main and supporting characters, yes like I said I’m super nerdy), but I didn’t give them any specific birthdays. I do know that as of the most recent chapter, Armand is 22.

What is your sim’s zodiac sign? *has to go in game to look it up* *pretty sure I just randomized it* *so if Armand’s personality that I wrote has nothing to do with his zodiac sign, that’s fucking why* ---- VIRGO.

Marital Status: Single.

Does your sim have any nicknames? No. I have bad RL experiences with nicknames, so I tend to not nickname my Sims either. Unless it’s like an obvious shortening that’s something like Maximus (my legacy founder), and he gets called Max. But no nicknames like he has a quirk, so he gets a nickname. None of that shit. LOL. Armand’s name is two syllables and calling him “Arm” or “And” just sounds stupid. LOL.

Do they have a job? Armand just graduated from college, and he is still looking for a job.

Where does your sim live? Armand lives in this three story split level house in Twinbrook, Louisiana.

Who does your sim live with? Armand lives with his best friend, Remy, a Louisiana native.

What environment did your sim grow up in? Armand had a neglectful, spiteful mother, and a kind, loving father. They couldn’t have been more polar opposite from each other. Literal environment wise, Armand grew up in Silicon Shores, California.

What is your sim’s favorite food? *goes in game again to look because doesn’t know* *again probably randomized* *shitty Sim Mom, knows it* --- GRILLED SALMON. Armand is damn fancy.

What is your sim’s favorite drink? Alcohol - Armand likes screwdrivers, they’re pretty simple yet delicious. Non-Alcohol - Armand likes 2% milk.

If they have one, what is your sim’s favorite color? *goes in game again* *doesn’t know* *you know the drill now* --- LIME.

Is your sim introverted or extroverted? Introverted.

What is your sims favorite woohoo position? Armand enjoys being on top of the girl he’s woohoo-ing with so he can see her reactions. He wants his partner to have ultimate pleasure, and the girl’s face often reflects whether the pleasure is there or not.

Is your sim a pet person? No. Armand is often lost in thought in his head, he’s self-aware, but he has a lot of things to think about. He doesn’t really want to put his mind in a place where he might accidently neglect a pet just because he’s spacing off about something.

Does your sim have a best friend? Yes, Armand’s best friend is also his roommate, Remy.

What is / was your sim’s favorite school subject? Art class, anything that has to do with painting, drawing, or sketching.

Are they planning to go or have they already been to college? Armand just graduated from college. He’s been done for about a month.

Does your sim have a favorite TV show? Armand likes Penn & Teller’s Fool Us. It’s a magic show where Penn & Teller try to guess how a magician does his trick. They also give magicians whose tricks they cannot guess a chance to perform at their venue in Las Vegas. This is Armand’s favorite show because it reminds him of his father (a magician), whom he loves and adores dearly.

Does your sim like books? Armand has mixed feelings about books. On one hand, they remind him of his terrible mother, but it’s not like he won’t touch the things. The memories suck, but he did read his textbooks when he needed to for college. However, he wouldn’t turn to books for fun.

What is your sim’s personal style? Armand has a bit of a rock star style, he has some shirts that are ripped in just the right places, and he’s not afraid to wear something that looks a little messy. Armand’s family has a dark hot pink hair gene, started from his great-grandfather, Alexander Hunt, which makes Armand not shy away from bright colors in his outfits.

Is your sim religious? Not really. Patrick (Armand’s father) raised Armand with good values, but they weren’t tied to religious ideals. Although some of them might have similar ideals, like treat others with kindness and respect, it wasn’t religion that was the driving force behind it.

What kind of music does your sim listen to? Armand likes when he plays the guitar, although he hasn’t written anything himself, he does like what he plays. He also likes pop music, like the song Ghost by Ella Henderson.

What is your sim’s favorite type of weather? Armand likes California weather, sunshine, a light breeze, 70s for the high, 40s for the low. He doesn’t like a lot of humidity, he’s finding out as he lives in Louisiana for now. LOL.

Does your sim have a dream job? Armand would love to paint and be a famous artist, selling his art to high end galleries. He just wants to let his creativity out and be paid for it. LOL.

Does your sim have any siblings? No. Armand’s parents didn’t get along very well after he was born, so they never came together long enough to make or want to make any siblings for their son.

Does your sim get along with their family? Yes and no. Armand’s always gotten along with his father, grandfather, and grandmother. He never got along with his mother, who is now deceased. He does get along with his new step-mother.

What is your sims favorite hobby? Armand loves to sing and play his guitar.

What does your sim look for in a romantic partner? For now, Armand has just been playing the field, he’s slept with a few women without searching too hard for romance. All he knows is he doesn’t want anyone who remotely resembles his crazy dead mother.

What is a flaw your sim has? Armand has a traumatic past so he has a bad habit of getting into cycles where his brain makes him think he hates himself and that he’s worthless. He knows at this point that none of that is true, and he’s working on it.

Does your sim have a greatest achievement? Armand is still young and he has his whole life ahead of him, but he would probably say his greatest achievement for now, is that he was able to overcome the bad memories that he associated with his childhood home. He recently visited his parents’ home for Thanksgiving break and he was able to feel happy while being in that house, which is something he’d never been able to do until now.

If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret? Armand’s mom died young, and their relationship had always been super shitty. His regret is that he couldn’t patch things up with her (if that was even possible) while she was alive.

Wooo! Thanks for tagging me! ♥ This was great fun.

#Lilyshadowwriter #freckled-pixels #OC #Armand Decimus #TS3 #EchoesofEternity

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alarriefantasy · 5 years

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do you know of any fics where they are christians and they follow kinda that typical “christian relationship”? no angst please, i get so sad reading it. thank you, love your blog!!

Here you go! I swore I had made this one already, but alas, I have not! Hope you like some of these! The ones starred (*) are the ones that don’t have angst! :) :)

Religion Fic Rec

*how many secrets can you keep? by xxPayne

Words: 11k

Harry, a homophobic Christian, joins Louis' gay-straight alliance club at school, hoping to somehow attract lesbians (he'll work out the logistics later). Louis shows him what he didn't know he was actually there for.

*all i trust, i leave my heart to by prettyoddnjh

Words: 13k

Salzburg, Austria. 1938.

Harry Styles is a young man who, despite his protests, will never be a Catholic priest. He is assigned a summer job as a governor for the six siblings of Mr. Tomlinson, a wealthy ex-navy soldier who runs his household like a navy ship. They fall in love.

The Sound of Music AU that a couple people did ask for, if you can believe it.

*Have A Little Faith In Me by FallingLikeThis

Words: 15k

Harry Styles remembers Louis Tomlinson fondly. They used to spend the summers bonding at Bible Camp, helping each other memorize bible verses for their weekly challenge against the boys in the other cabins, and chatting into the early hours of morning when they were supposed to be sleeping. They had been so close back then. Harry was heartbroken when Louis hadn’t been there last summer. He’d heard rumors, vague comments about how Louis had changed but he didn’t believe them. He couldn’t. Because the other boys, the ones from Louis’ home town, were saying that he’d started getting piercings and tattoos, that he’d come out as gay, and that he’d turned his back on God.

Harry had thought he’d never find it in himself to believe them but the image before his eyes has him suddenly questioning everything.

*and the truth shall set you free (...maybe) by jaerie

Words: 17k

Betism: A religion based on the belief that the beta gender has been chosen by God to protect and defend the purity and dignity of the human race by resisting and condemning the lustful ways and flawed biology of the alpha and omega

Harry is a Betist and Louis is an alpha who runs with a bad crowd. This is what happens when two worlds collide.

*secret little rendezvous. by orphan_account

Words: 17k

Louis is a priest struggling with his temptations and Harry is the irresistible stripper/sex worker that helps open his eyes up into a whole new world of sinful pleasure.

We'll Rise Up by FallingLikeThis

Words: 18k

Louis is a Pastor with no church and a heart filled with uncertainty. Pastor Payne is more than willing to give Louis a new place to work, but it's Music Director Harry that helps him rebuild his faith.

*You Make Me Want To Sin by lonelymisfit

Words: 28k

Or the very bregruding college AU where Louis is a bad ass frat boy and Harry is a shy and conservative catholic boy who wants to know whether Louis can show him what else he can do on his knees besides pray.

so keep my candle bright by whisperdlullaby

Words: 78k

louis returns to his hometown after four years to find that the reverend’s son has done some growing up of his own.

*Hate Me To The Moon by harrystylesandstuff

Words: 83k

The last thing Harry wanted was to spend his entire summer stuck with his dad's new fiancée and her kids. He wants no more when he learns she's a very religious dictator, raising a sixteen year old nun and a clean cut potential priest ass kisser.

Everything takes a slightly different turn, however, when Harry finds out his future step-brother is actually the rude stranger he caught sucking off a guy in a pub, far from the reserved Christian his mom thinks he is...

AU where Harry is a sexy nerd, Louis is a great actor, and they both pretend to hate each other's guts to convince themselves they're not feeling things future step-brothers shouldn't feel...

Cold by RealName

Words: 87k

Harry Styles hated the minister's son.

Louis Tomlinson was brash, obnoxious and possessed all the attributes that Harry deemed unlikable in another person. Unfortunately, they attended the same Bible studies class at church and their mothers were best friends, so avoiding the other boy was impossible.

Promise in the Sky by Throwthemflowers

Words: 99k

AU in which Harry Styles, a naïve, repressed, socially awkward Midwestern highschooler tries to navigate his fundamentalist evangelical parents and radically progressive older sister. He’s doing an okay job of this until the Tomlinson family starts attending Lakeside Baptist Church and a boy named Louis changes everything. Harry is forced to come to grips with his true self when Louis becomes more than just his best friend; but their relationship opens a can of worms and sends them on the most painful, heartbreaking journey of their young lives. They risk everything and nearly lose, and Harry learns that perhaps only one Bible verse is true: that perfect love casteth out fear.

Turning From Praise (Punk!Harry Christian!Louis) by capriciouslouis

Words; 128k

Louis has had a strict Christian upbringing that he never realized he resented until he meets Harry Styles, a boy who lives to rebel and doesn’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. But the better he gets to know Harry, the more he begins to realize that maybe Harry does care. And maybe “the children who God forgot” are closer to God than the devout will ever be.

Change My Mind by larry_love13

Words: 155k

Louis was a devout Christian family man with a wife and ten kids who lived a seemingly happy and idyllic life in Oklahoma. He always felt something was missing but he could never figure out what until he met Harry Styles, who made him question every single value he'd ever held dear, including his relationship to God AND his marriage. Harry, a devoutly religious young college student struggling with his own family and personal issues turned to Louis for guidance. They both end up learning a lot about themselves, each other, and their religion as they change a few minds-including their own-during their journey.

Shake Me Down by AGreatPerhaps12

Words: 208k

Harry's new to college, fresh out of Catholic school and conversion therapy camp, and Louis runs the campus LGBTQIA organization.

credit to the owner of the manip

#ask

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ofmarcos · 5 years

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( shawn mendes, cismale, he/him ) i just saw MARCO SPIEGELMAN walking down the street’s of provincetown the other day playing 100 BAD DAYS BY AJR out loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY TWO year old is WARMHEARTED, but can also be UNNECESSARILY OVERWROUGHT — overall they’re a POLYMATH. they remind me of A WORN GUITAR NECK WITH OLD STRINGS, COMING HOME THREE MINUTES BEFORE CURFEW, A CRACKLING WOODFIRE, AND FRESHLY BLOWN OUT BIRTHDAY CANDLES. ( ophelia, 19, est, they/she )

hello guys, gals, and non-binary pals, my name is ophelia and it’s lovely to meet u all!! i am nineteen, living in florida, work at an escape game, and my t key on my laptop gets stuck so um if u ever see me leave a t out of a word that’s why. also, fun fact!! i’m originally from a small town in ma about a two hour drive from provincetown :O but enough about me !! this is marco, he’s an actual meme, and you can read all about him under the cut. like this and i’ll come slide into ur dms for plots. <3

(also this got way longer than anticipated, i’m sorry, pls love me)

PINTEREST.

tw: cancer, death, car crash, addiction

marco joshua spiegelman was born on an overcast august day in the city of boston, massachusetts. he was the fourth child and the youngest by seven years, meaning that in some way, he was his parents’ last hope.

the spiegelman family practiced orthodox judaism – his dad was raised orthodox and his mom converted from reform judaism in order to marry his dad– so marco’s childhood was very much focused on religion. the spiegelman family went to services every friday night, celebrated every holiday, forced marco to wake up early on sundays to go to hebrew school, and treated him they same as they had treated his older siblings. however, as his siblings grew up and moved out, they all stopped devoutly practicing judaism and moved into a more modern and laid back interpretation of their religion. marco craved this from a young age, but because he was stuck at home with his parents, he was forced to follow their rules and beliefs.

marco went to jewish private school for elementary and middle school, had his bar mitzvah in the seventh grade, and tried to blend in as best as he could. he liked history and english, eager to learn more about the past and help shape the future. at this point in his life, he had his goal of becoming a politician pretty much set. he would help the end the fighting in israel, solve world hunger, and just be an all around awesome guy.

however, his plans shifted on valentine’s day his eighth grade year. after coming home from school, his parents sat him down and told him that his dad had stage four exocrine pancreatic cancer. he knew that his dad had been losing weight and not eating as much recently, as well as complained all the time that his back hurt, but marco didn’t realize that it was something so terrible and life threatening.

with a survival rate of about one percent, the spiegelman family knew that his dad’s chances of survival were not good. the next few months were difficult, his dad went through lots of chemotherapy and experimental trials, but nothing seemed to be working, and he passed away before june. this crushed marco and his mom; his dad was a kind, gentle, and loving person, and the three of them had grown extremely close with each other due to marco being the youngest and the only child still living in the house.

it was hard for the two of them to live by themselves in a town that his mom didn’t really have any connection to, so a few months after his dad’s passing, marco and his mom moved to provincetown, the place where she had grown up, to try and start fresh. their new beginning came coupled with the loss of their connection to their religion, and marco and his mom no longer practiced judaism

freshman year in a brand new town was intimidating for marco, and this resulted in him being extremely quiet and shy for the majority of the year. however, his history teacher saw how invested in history and current events he was and convinced marco to join the debate team. this is where he found his voice once again.

marco did a type of debate called public policy debate, a style of debate where you talk extremely fast and have to do an insane amount of research to ensure that you know what you’re talking about. in order to participate in that style of debate, his teacher assigned him a partner and he grew extremely close to her very quickly. the two of them went on to win the national title their sophomore and junior years

after joining debate, marco grew more confident in himself and began to talk more both in and out of class. being good at something gave him the boost he needed to no longer be shy, and he was well liked by most people at school. this was also when he found the snackpack, and he has always been grateful for their presence in his life. marco’s sophomore and junior years were quite possibly the best years of his life.

however, right before the trophy ceremony his junior year, he got a call from his mom, telling him that his sister had gotten in to a car crash and that she was in a coma in a hospital in san francisco. marco flew to san fran immediately after receiving the call, leaving his partner to collect the trophy on his behalf.

for the following two weeks, marco rarely left the hospital for fear that his sister would pass away without him there. although the two of them were not that close, losing another family member was something that marco could not imagine. on the fifteenth day of her being in the hospital, the doctors said that there was nothing they could do to save his sister. so they harvested her organs as donations, and the spiegelmans were forced to put another member of their family into the ground.

senior year came around and marco was a changed person. he was not as passionate or confident as he used to be, he quit debate, and he focused on judaism again to try and give his life some meaning. however, he explored the type of judaism his sister was into, reform judaism, based more on learning and exploring the ideas of religion than sitting in a sanctuary and praying.

although he skipped school often and had mediocre grades, he managed to graduate, his dreams seeming unimportant and his life in shambles. throughout this, he still managed to keep a positive attitude, now convinced that god had a plan for him and that everything would work out fine. he does have really bad anxiety tho, so it’s this classic combination of trying to have faith in the way things work out but never really being sure that they will

without his debate professor, he wouldn’t have even gotten into college, but with the help of someone making sure he followed through, he got into u mass amherst to study sustainable food & farming. this seemed like a out of the blue choice, but it combined marco’s love of research & science, and allowed him to feel like he could have a greater impact on the world than he could as a politician.

college went by without incident, but here are some highlights (joined hillel and loved being w/ other jews, was a nerd, did nerd things **including a lot of acid, lived his best life)

he just graduated and is home for the summer, he has a job working for the local farmers’ market, and is just chillin’, trying not to think about the other shoe that is bound to drop

he’s doing okay, and that’s all he’ll ever answer the question “how are you?” with

headcanons:

marco worked as a waiter at an italian restaurant in high school so that he could have spending money. money was never a problem in his household as his mom is a cardiologist, but he always felt bad asking for money for things, so he made his own money instead

if marco was a crayola crayon, he’d be pine green. the color is a bit darker than most of the other greens in the crayola family, just like marco in his family, but also has a hint of blue in it, hinting at the sadness that lies beneath marco’s outer layer.

marco really loves old school video games. his old nintendo 64 is collecting dust in his closet, and although he rarely has time to play it anymore, he refuses to throw it out. while growing up, video games were his way of connecting to his two older brothers, his older sister always watching on with a disapproving gleam in her eye. whenever the siblings get together, however, they always manage to turn on an old, favorite game of theirs, and the competition is always heated

in high school, marco smoked a lot of weed. he would always be seen outside at any high school party, smoking by himself or with a group of other people. however, after graduating, marco switched to cigarettes. he smokes frequently, but will furiously deny being addicted if approached about it

marco plays as waluigi when he plays mario kart/party

marco has a slight boston accent

marco is a night person. he utterly hates getting up early in the morning, but staying up late comes easy and natural to him.

marco recycles religiously. if something is recyclable and you don’t put it into the recycling bin, he’ll lose a bit of respect for you as a person

marco absolutely loves space and the universe and stargazing (part of his appreciation for nighttime), but he also wholeheartedly believes that aliens are real, no doubt about it.

wanted connections

his debate partner from high school

romantic connections (male or female or nb!!)

exes w/ lingering feelings

exes who ended on good terms

the person who took his virginity l m a o

that person that he’s been pining after since freshman year in high school who he just wants to get w/ but has convinced himself he cannot

neighbors when they were growing up

current roommate

that friend that u always compete with and like ur friends w/ them still, u are, but also u always want to brag about how great ur doing

someone who confides in him who he rarely confides back to

u KNOW they probably made a band in high school

people he went to college with

anything ur heart desires!!

#snackpackintro #im sorry that i wrote a novel i really am

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abimckeag-blog · 6 years

Text

In Detail, part one

now that I’ve identified the bulk of the experiences I’ve had throughout my life, I feel it’s only fair to explain how I’ve delt with them and what caused them to begin with.

I can’t always identify the roots of my issues, but I can normally come pretty close to knowing what triggered any self destructive behavior or negative mindset.

In this post I want to discuss my struggle with suicidal thoughts.

I know this is a topic that doesn’t get discussed as freely and often as it should.

according to an article written in May of 2017, over 9 million people in America alone consider killing themselves every year.

and to me, that number seems small.

I know several people who have also struggled with thoughts of suicide and unfortunately I knew several people who lost their battles.

I hope that if you are struggling right now you can draw inspiration from my story to seek out help, you should never have to deal with this alone.

before I continue I’m going to leave the number to the suicide hotline here, in case anyone can’t remember the name of that one Logic song, and because it’s a great outlet right at your fingertips, please take advantage of it if you feel the need.

1-800-273-8255, there’s an online chat option if you feel like a phone call would be uncomfortable, remember it’s anonymous, and NO ONE is ever going to judge you for taking care of yourself.

now onto my story.

until I was, around 9 I had no idea what suicide was, I didn’t realize that was an option.

I had a fairly standard childhood, I don’t remember that much to be honest.

I know my parents loved me and my siblings, but I also know they weren’t around much.

both of my parents worked full time and on call as anesthesiologists at the hospital in North Platte and we had a nanny to watch us during the day.

the bulk of my childhood memories revolve around time spent with babysitters and nannies and being forced to go to piano lessons and volleyball practice and dance lessons and the typical childhood stuff.

when I was young I didn’t want to partake in a lot of the stuff my parents signed me up for which I think is normal for young kids, I really wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to suck it up and accept the blessings they were giving me.

but as a little 7 year old being forced to play soccer when all I wanted to do was build forts in my backyard, I couldn’t see how privileged I was to be given these opportunities.

to me, it seemed like the only time I saw my parents was when they were taking me to and from these things and even then my nanny took me to the bulk of the activities, so you’d think I’d enjoy going out and playing sports cause I got to see my parents, but that wasn’t the case.

I wanted to quit them so that we’d have time to stay at home and play hide and seek and just normal kid stuff.

as a little kid though you have no way of conveying that’s what you’re thinking, instead, all you can do is throw a fit and come off as a total brat.

so growing up with your parents not around is kind of rough and I think that really set me up for some not so great life experiences.

I never learned how to communicate with my parents, I never talked with them about important things like religion, boys, puberty, etc.

they sure tried to talk to me about it, but I never reciprocated that connection, I thought if I kept all my issues to myself then I’d seem stronger and more put together.

now all this detail about my childhood, which honestly was a great childhood, I am truly blessed, I know there are so many people out there with stories so so so much worse than mine, anyways, this just explains how I never learned to communicate or find a healthy outlet for my emotions because I only wanted to talk to my parents about all the cool stuff I did that day and not serious issues.

suicide had never crossed my mind until I was probably 11 or 12, I was a really early bloomer and my hormones basically turned me into a tyrant.

I was constantly mad at everything and I found that rebelling against my parents was going to be my new outlet.

I died my hair, I smeared black eyeliner on, I bought black lipstick, I wore all black clothes (still do, but it’s fashion), I listened to loud, angry music, I painted my nails black, I quit going to church, or when I did I was mad about it, I turned into the stereotype you’re already probably picturing.

but the thing is, I wasn’t just changing my outward appearance and physical state, my mental state was deteriorating.

it takes so much energy to be mad all the time and it was exhausting me.

I felt terrible about myself, I turned to starving myself and cutting myself and then eventually binge eating hoping it would somehow make me feel better.

I had a voice in the back of my head telling me it would all go away if I just ended it.

on several occasions I remember raiding our medicine cabinet hoping to find something I knew I could overdose on.

I remember holding a handful of ibuprofen up to my mouth hoping that if I swallowed it I would just disappear, but God was watching me.

he’d been with me this whole time no matter how many times I denied him.

something told me it wouldn’t be worth it, I told myself it wouldn’t work, I’d just end up getting my stomach pumped, and then everything would be worse afterwards.

I didn’t do it.

moving to a new town certainly saved my life in some aspects, for those that don’t know, I moved right before my eighth grade year, I transferred from a lutheran school to a public middle school.

it was quite the shock, it definitely was beneficial but also detrimental for my mental health.

I continued to struggle with the thoughts of suicide all throughout high school.

my junior year of high school was when everything peaked.

I’d made a dumb mistake that summer before without thinking about the consequences.

I lost a lot of friends and those that were once my friends were now the closest thing to bullies I’d ever experienced.

it made me sick to wake up in the morning knowing I’d have to go to school and see them everyday.

the things that were said to me were unbelievably cruel.

I remember driving around late at night just debating if I should drive my car into a light pole or a ditch, I remember considering driving head on into the oncoming traffic on many occasions.

but everytime I almost made the worst decision of my life, God intervened.

now I have never been an extremely religious person, I was raised in the church, my mom has always been on the worship team wherever we were, and my father is an extremely spiritual man, but it never translated to me until this summer.

so during this whole time, I never once sat down and prayed and asked God for advice, yet he somehow still got me through everything.

eventually, junior year ended, and there I was.

still standing.

I met a boy and I fell in love and we were together for my entire senior year, and then in late December, my self esteem dropped.

my mental health was beginning to deteriorate and thoughts of suicide rushed through my brain.

I tried to explain to him what was happening to me, but I couldn’t find the right words and he had issues going on in his life he needed to cope with, and eventually after struggling with thoughts of killing myself for 5 months, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I had a full mental breakdown in May and after months of living in a broken relationship, torn apart by my inability to love myself, we ended things.

it destroyed me for a few weeks, but I invested myself so heavily in my job and I changed gyms and started hanging out with friends whenever I could, I just sort of ignored it.

it was when nobody was around and I was home doing nothing that feelings of immense depression overtook me.

I struggled with the worst season of binge eating I’ve ever experienced this summer.

I wouldn’t get out of bed until 1pm on a good day, I’d stay out till 5am, and then repeat the cycle.

then I had my awakening, God was still watching me, he was hoping I’d find him on my own, but that wasn’t the case.

he sent one of my best friends to save me.

I spilled out everything, every bad thought, every raw emotion I’d been holding inside, and I felt free.

they told me about God’s grace and mercy and his never ending forgiveness.

they said “if God can forgive you, why can’t you forgive yourself?”.

I started to look in the mirror and instead of hating the person I’d become, I started appreciating myself for overcoming what I’ve been through.

instead of hating my body, I appreciated it for all the amazing things it’s capable of.

instead of living in regret for past decisions, I let them go.

I stopped dwelling.

but here I am today, laying on my bedroom floor, and I’ll admit that yesterday I wasn’t happy with myself, and the day before that, and the day before that, and even right now I know I’m not 100% content with myself.

and that’s okay.

I still struggle with thoughts of suicide, I have been for 7 years.

I will never be perfect.

I may never stop having dark thoughts, but I will never give in.

I know I have a purpose, I know I have worth, I know I am not useless.

and neither are you.

none of us are.

we are all beautifully and wonderfully made and God loves us so much, it’s completely unfathomable.

if you are struggling today and you need someone to talk, feel free to talk to me, I am here for anyone, but before you talk to me,

I want you to pray.

ask for guidance, ask for forgiveness, and know that you are loved, no matter how far you think you stray from the Lord, he is always right there beside you, just waiting for you to call on him.

now I know there’s a lot I didn’t cover in this, even though it’s very long, but I will continue posting these, hence why this is only part one.

each one discussing different issues I have dealt with and I’m sure some of you are experiencing.

I really hope this helped you, even if it didn’t, I hope you can understand for just a second that God loves you, he always has, and always will.

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n0ttinghamshad0w · 7 years

Photo

It's not like I'm falling in love, I just want you to do me no good And you look like you could

ROBIN OLIVER HUNT (Name at birth: Robin Huang; Alias: Robert Oliver Gardner)

Birthday: March 12 1990 (Pisces) Hogwarts House (Primary): Gryffindor Hogwarts House (Secondary): Slytherin Myers-Briggs: ENFP Enneagram: Type 8 Height: 5’9

Overview:

Mother:

1. Unknown—Linda Huang, still alive, forced to give up her child by her conservative parents who did not want her raising a child out of wedlock, has not tried to make contact with her son.

2. Mother Florence—the head nun at Nottingham Orphanage, firm, but kind; strict, but genuinely wanted the best for the children; had a soft spot for Robin, since he’d been there for like all his life.

3. Barbara Economides—Robin’s first foster mom, had six kids of her own, but room in her heart for a dozen more

Father:

1. Unknown—Ernesto Rosetti

2. George Economides—Robin’s first foster dad, loving and hard-working man, who unfortunately did not have a very hard-working cardiovascular system. Died of a heart attack when Robin was ~12

Mother’s Occupation: he doesn’t care about his birth mom, but Barbara owned a bakery

Father’s Occupation: he doesn’t care about his birth dad, but George owned a bakery

Family Finances: well, none of the homes he was in were great financially

Birth Order: only child as far as he’s concerned

Siblings: N/A--(Stefan, Petros, Elek, Idola, Eileen, Karena...the Economides kids)

Other Close Family: None

Best Friend: Joan Woode (28)

Other Friends: Tuck Frere (26), Martin Maddon (18), Fakhir Azhar (27)

Enemies: all those who neglect/abuse their children

Pets: none, would love a bird or a fox tho

Home Life During Childhood: He was in an orphanage till he was nine, and it was not a bad orphanage at all, just massively under-funded. At nine, he was placed in a foster home, a large Greek family, and he was very well-loved and well-taken care of, but the father dropped dead of a heart attack when Robin was 12 and the Economides family had to move and they couldn’t take care of Robin. He shuffled through like four other foster homes, at least one of which he was badly abused in, till at seventeen, he just didn’t come home one day and the family never reported it and that was that.

Town or City Name(s): Nottingham, England

What Did His Bedroom Look Like: Never had a steady room, or one of his own. Always shared with someone else, always a small bed.

Any Sports or Clubs: Nah, he was the type of kid who hung out under bridges and threw stuff.

Favorite Toy or Game: Had a toy archery kit back at the Economides house

Schooling: left school at seventeen

Favorite Subject: History and English, loved old stories of Robin Hood

Popular or Loner: loner---’cept he was real popular with the “troubled” kids, the freak in freaks and geeks

Important Experiences or Events: When George died, the abuse at the other foster homes

Health Problems: None

Culture: English?? He’s actually Italian and Chinese, but wouldn’t know at all. Considers himself Greek, if anything

Religion and beliefs: The only time in his life when he was religious was when he lived with the Economides family and went to church on the reg, since then, he’s convinced that if a God does exist, he’s a shitty God and only people can really help each other

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits: smoking, drinking, commitment issues, def has ghosted girls before...oh yeah, uh, stealing things??? He’s also a pickpocket

Good Habits: very good with children, when he wants to be he’s very kindhearted, very charismatic, very charming, good sweet-talker

Best Characteristic: intense--has his set of beliefs and morals and will stick by them

Worst Characteristic: intense--to the point where he isolates himself

Worst Memory: The moment the Economides family left him at the social services office (also George’s death lbr)

Best Memory: His first Christmas with the Economides family

Proud of: the money he’s been able to give back to the orphanage

Embarrassed by: his lack of formal education

Driving Style: erratically, I don’t think he has a license but he definitely knows how to drive--does not get into accidents, but is hella reckless

Strong Points: passionate, believes in a cause, dedicated friend, charming, charismatic, quick-learner, good with his hands

Temperament: sanguine

Attitude: passionate, intense

Weakness: has a very specific mission, keeps people at a distance unless you’ve proved yourself to him, you can know him but never really know him

Fears: man, uh, not being able to make a difference

Phobias: abandonment issues~~~

Secrets: the fact that he’s a master thief

Regrets: not finishing secondary, not being like a better person or whatever

Feels Vulnerable When: talking about his past

Pet Peeves: tourists (but they make good bait), people who hate on people who use subtitles, americans, mac copmputers

Conflicts: his very idealistic moral code vs reality, his very idealistic moral code and mission vs caring about his own life/needs

Motivation: justice for children

Short Term Goals and Hopes: find Tuck’s family, steal from Tuck’s family, find Martin, find enough money to get Fakhir a good lawyer

Long Term Goals and Hopes: well shit, making a difference in the lives of people somehow

Sexuality: heterosexual, but could be convinced to fuck a bloke

Exercise Routine: just generally active, runs a fair bit, likes to play sports with friends

Day or Night Person — Night

Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert

Optimist or Pessimist — Optimist

Likes and Styles:

Music: alt-rock, classic rock, rock in general, also some punk

Books: he likes old stories and folktales (ie; Robin Hood whom he modeled himself after), but does have a soft spot for some high fantasy books (he’s a big fan of Lloyd Alexander’s work--wait, I guess that doesn’t exist since The Black Cauldron is disney but IM SURE HE HAD SOME SORTA EQUIVALENT...The Beige Cauldron) and adventure novels

Magazines: GQ probs let’s be real. Never bought one, always knicked ‘em out of newstands. ALso probably playboy……...Recently has been into tech mags.

Foods: Greek food---reminds him of his time with the Economides family. Loves him a good lamb gyro with a big side of chips.

Drinks: Whiskey--straight up. Not a huge tea drinker, but likes a strong Turkish coffee. Also Gin and Tonics

Animals: Foxes and birds of prey. Tbh, kinda hates that the name the orphanage gave him is ROBIN for crying out loud it sounds so fuckin’ wimpy

Sports: big football fan, also into rugby, probably out of all my characters the one who follows sports the most jeez

Social Issues: def def a huge proponent for children’s rights, especially within the foster system; that’s his biggest thing, but he’s also really for Magick-Rights and against the pressing xenophobia and nationalism that’s rising in a lot of Western European nations

Favorite Saying: Faint heart never won fair lady; As you wish

Color: Dark forest green

Clothing: enough to maintain his image as a #rebel, but def does not invest toooo much in fashion. Lots of cool jackets, mostly darker colors

Jewelry: nah, mate that’s excessive (has this pendent that Barbara gave him that used to be George’s but that’s it)

Games: loves dominoes a lot actually

Websites: uhh reddit probably

TV Shows: probs into Game of Thrones and #epic period dramas

Movies: his absolute favorite movie is The Princess Bride, he loves good action flicks with a dash of epic romance--something with a real hero. Also probs a Star Wars fan. V for Vendetta

Greatest Want: to make a difference in the world, to make sure no child is ever hurt

Greatest Need: to let people in

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home: small studio apartment in Benbow

Household furnishings: sparse, probs just sleeps on a mattress let’s be real, has a hot plate and a mini fridge, uses a crate for a coffee table

Favorite Possession: his trusty pocket knife, one of the first things he bought with his own money

Most Cherished Possession: necklace that Barbara Economides gave to him that used to belong to George, it is a Greek Cross

Married Before: Nope.

Significant Other Before: the only serious one was this rather posh girl when he was 21. She ended up getting pregnant, but got an abortion and the relationship sorta derailed after that.

Children: nah

Relationship with Family: lol

Car: n/a

Career: no “career”--has worked service jobs and manual labor, was a bartender for a bit but quit bc of the Fakhir thing

Dream Career: god, he doesn’t know--maybe a social worker, tbh, or owning some sort of afterschool program for kids

Dream Life: he wouldn’t tell you, but being married to a beautiful girl, having a buncha kids, adopting a bunch too

Love Life: a string of one-night stands and brief dramatic love affairs that ended like smoke in the night

Hobbies : knife-throwing, wood-carving

Guilty Pleasure : women?

Sports or Clubs: not at the moment

Talents or Skills : wood-carving, bartending, bit of an amateur hacker, decent dancer and football player, decent at like climbing things lol, lock-picking, stealth talents

Intelligence Level: Never did well in school, but is quite very streetsmart and can read people very well, knowledgable on random things, courtsey of Tuck

Finances: not as bad as you’d think, but still def the poorest out of my characters. He’s the type of dude who gives everything he gets back--always drops in coins for street musicians, always

#character sheet #about

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

Text

Survey #109

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and a great Christmas to come!

If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well if you were talking about now there wouldn't be a father so therefore this situation wouldn't exist. But I'll answer it hypothetically. I honestly don't know how I would considering it wouldn't be exciting for me seeing as I don't want kids. It'd probably just be a very serious talk where I make it very clear (s)he's going up for adoption. What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero? I used to play like everything on expert but now it's a mix of that and hard. It's funny, I still remember "What I've Done" by Linkin Park was the first song I played on expert lol. How many songs by AC/DC do you have on your iPod? None. Not saying I don't like any, I just don't really like any enough to have on my iPod. What’s your favorite country song? Uhhh. Probably "When the Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw. Do you shut off your computer at night? No. Do you like sensitive guys? Yes, but not someone who's over-the-top sensitive. If a guy wants to become friends with an ex, does it mean he still likes her or cares for her? CARES for her, obviously. You don't aim to become friends with someone you don't care about. Have you ever tripped someone? No, I find it rude. The person could actually get hurt. Favorite decade of music? Man... I like the '80s a lot. '90s metal is super nice, too. Would you consider yourself a flirt? No. Not saying I never do, but I'm definitely not a big one. What annoys you most about social networking? People get ballsy as fuck to say anything because they're behind a screen, yet they're too scared to say things to another's face. Are you an over-achiever? No. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Yeah. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? If it's any more than occasionally, yes. Do you like to cuddle? If it's not hot and I really like the person, I'm a cuddlebug. Do you like cinnamon on your apple pie? I hate pie. Do you eat the crust of your sandwiches? That's actually what I eat first. It's my least-favorite part so I get it out of the way. Do you know anyone who has a name that you hate and, if so, who is this person? Ha, Don. I hate the name Donald with a passion. Have you made a list of things you want to do before you’re 30? No. Do you like your shirt to be loose or tight? Loose. Do you know anyone with two middle names? Me, though when people ask for my middle name, I just generally give them Marie because that's the one I was born with. Have you ever had colored braces? Ha ha I did. Probably shouldn't have made them so obnoxious. Have you ever felt discriminated against? Yes, due to mental illnesses. People love to make assumptions. And currently with my sister's in-laws not knowing I'm bi, I know I would if they knew. Have you ever been sick on your birthday? Omg yes. I was recovering from the stomach bug. Do you believe good therapists exist? I have the greatest therapist in the world. Have you ever called a suicide hotline? I don't like talking on the phone, so I used the online chatroom thing they have. Waited about 45 minutes for someone to respond and then came my overdose. What was one of your childhood imaginary friends’ names? I didn't have imaginary friends. Do you ever get so nervous that you can’t even think? Yup, mainly in arguments. I can't think AT ALL in arguments. How do you feel about the people who are teased in high school suing the bullies who teased them for emotional damage? I didn't know that was a thing, but if you were truly hurt, go for it. Do you believe that people live in their own worlds or realities or do you think we all share the same world/reality? The latter. Do you believe that everyone who doesn’t believe in your religion is going to Hell? I'd like to believe agnostics go to Heaven. It seems pretty cruel to punish a person for not knowing. This is a stretch, but I even hope atheists who are good people go to Heaven by living Christ-like. Sending good people to Hell just sounds wrong. When (and if) people (or animals) go to heaven, do they become angels? No, spirits and angels are two different things. Do you like when people call you things like “baby”, “sweetie”, “hun”, etc? So long it's not "babe/baby" or "sexy," yeah. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes. My little sister legit tried to go outside. Do you believe that there are certain circumstances when cheating is allowed? Nope. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? The earbuds that actually go inside your ears. You can hear pretty much everything. What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? Ideally, having a gothic-styled wedding would be a m a z i n g. Would you be comfortable discussing your sex life with a stranger? I have barely anything to hide and I still wouldn't. A stranger doesn't need to know anything about that. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? No, I love sleeve tattoos. I also don't understand how a tattoo automatically makes someone trashy unless the content of the tattoo itself is. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? No sir, those don't appeal to me. I don't want someone else's face on my body. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I mean, it really depends. But as far as the majority of scents... uhhh... shit, I dunno. Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes. If you have, did it make you feel sad? Sometimes. Other times, they truly needed a home. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t want to like? Jason for a fucking year after we broke up. About goddamn time I no longer do. Would you rather be a mermaid or an angel? An angel. Being a mermaid honestly doesn't seem amazing. Well I mean... maybe if I lived in a reef. Does it make you nervous when someone does something dangerous showing off? YES. Have you ever had anything tailored? Prom and bridesmaid dress. Would you feel bad about breaking up with a kid on his birthday? You could've just said a person, "kid" sounds weird. But I highly doubt I'd be able to do that. Let them have a good day. Do you feel awkward with strangers in elevators? HA HA YUP Do you cuss excessively when you’re upset? I'm even more likely to cuss than I naturally am, yes. Do you have a beauty mark? Birth marK? Yeah, on the side of one of my left forearm. What’s the biggest misconception about you, personally? Uhhh... no one's ever told me this I think, but maybe that I'm disinterested in people because I don't talk much? I can see how that can be assumed. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? I don't think so. What religious beliefs were you raised with? Roman Catholic. Do you enjoy dried fruit? EW. Do you like reading novels that are a series/trilogy/etc? I did. Where does your pet sleep at night? Teddy has gotten to where he wants me to put him onto the bed (he usually can't jump up here anymore with his arthritis) when he's ready to sleep, so I bring him up here. Cali sleeps next to my mom on the couch, and Bentley's usually beside her. Venus is usually in her rock, but sometimes sleeps behind her water bowl. Who wears glasses in your house? Are they near-sighted or far-sighted? I wear glasses and can't see far away. Mom does sometimes and can't see close up. What kind of pain reliever do you use when you have a headache? Advil/Ibuprofen. How’s your online personality different from your offline personality? I'm more outgoing and talkative online, but still have shy tendencies. Would you rather go out to breakfast, lunch or dinner? Breakfast. Have you ever burned a photo of you and a person you were angry with? No, seems rather over-dramatic. But I guess it could be therapeutic for some. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? Ummmm I don't think so. I feel like my girlfriend's parents don't like me at all as they've voiced their distaste for this long-distance thing way too many times, but I don't think they're mad at me. Have you ever been friends with a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s siblings? Not "friends," no. In some states people want to make it a requirement that creationism (god made the world) be taught alongside evolution in high school sciences classes. What do you think of this? I personally support both being a course of study. You pick which one you want to learn about. Have you ever had an HIV test? No. If your pet dies, you can now have it cloned for $50,000. How do you feel about this? I wouldn't. Wouldn't be the same to me, and I don't really support cloning. Do you plan to own a home or rent an apartment for most of your life? I'd like to own a home eventually. Do you hate when people tell you to smile? It really depends on how they say it, but generally, yes. Sometimes, you just can't force a sincere smile. Are there palm trees where you live? No. What do you think of foot tattoos? I don't like them much. Do you take a lot of pictures of your pets? No, the camera on my phone is horrid. Do you think it is sweet when an elderly woman kisses you on the cheek? It's kinda uncomfortable for me, and if I don't actually know the woman? DO FUCKING NOT. Would you investigate the paranormal if you had the opportunity? Fuck yes I would. In most situations. I gotta know about what's supposedly going on. Have you ever seen a coyote in real life? Hm... maybe? If you could find the cure for any disease, which disease would it be? Alzheimer's. As horrible as cancer is, we've learned how to beat many, but Alzheimer's... God, the decline is heart-wrenching. I've seen it and it's one of the most inhumane fates life can deal someone. Do you think you will be married by the time you are 25? It's a possibility. Do you know any TV shows’ theme songs by heart? Which ones? "That '70s Show," probably like a couple others that just aren't coming to me. What is the oldest gaming system you’ve ever played? Atari Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? We did occasionally. Don't have one here. In your opinion, which hurts more: physical or emotional pain? EMOTIONAL. Do you like people who are very expressive of how much they like you or do you like people who are more quiet and mysterious? I pretty much have to have someone expressive because I need to know they like me. I need to see it. What type of humor do you like in a person? Is it a deal-breaker for you if the other person doesn’t share a similar sense of humor? I appreciate all senses of humor other than ones that are just plain offensive or excessively raunchy. How important is religion and spiritual beliefs when it comes to dating? I'm open to dating people of other religions (or no religion) so long as it's not Satanism or a religion that believes one gender is greater than the other. Do you ever go shopping with your parents (not including grocery shopping)? Well yeah, I don't shop alone. Can't get there. Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience. No, thank goodness. What do your parents think about piercings and tattoos? Do you agree with them? Neither of them are against them, and I'm the same. I love them. Are you CPR certified? No. What was the last video game you played? "Alien: Isolation." Have you ever touched a shark? No. What is your personal feelings on manners? Pretty important. Would you ever take in an animal with special needs? Sure, but it obviously depends on the animal and if I could afford taking care of it. Do you ever feel judged on something you can’t control? OH B O Y DO I Are you friends with your best friend’s ex? No. Have you ever kissed two people in one night? No. Do you ever pay attention to couples and if they look good together or if they look weird together? No? Someone's relationship, whether it "looks" good or not, isn't my business. Do you often take painkillers? Not often, but usually when I have a headache. Have you ever had feelings for 2 people at the same time? I'm not sure... I've been confused about how I've felt about people before, but I've never had like, intense feelings for two people. Would you live with someone without marrying them? If the plan was to eventually get married, yes. What is your favorite flavor of Skittles? Red. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes. What cartoons/anime do you actually like, if you like any at all? Both "Fullmetal Alchemist" versions, "Deadman Wonderland," "Pokemon" (I've only seen the shows from the first two generations tho), uhhh... Have you used Limewire before? Ha ha I remember that. Yeah. Do you like salted or sweetened popcorn, if any? Salted, sweet is ew. Do you prefer aquatic creatures or flying (water or air)? Aquatic. What animals are only native to your continent/country? Bison? Do you prefer classical music or jazz? Jazz. What part of your body has been injured the most? My legs. What food’s smell makes you feel physically sick? Hmmmm. Can't think of one off the top of my head. How many times a week do you shower? Four, usually. Are you happy with your relationship status? Y E A H What colors would you like to have at your wedding? Black and white, probs. Did you see the movie "Avatar?" I saw some of it while on vacation with a friend. Does your front door squeak when it opens? Uhhh I don't believe so. Have you ever found out that one of your parents was cheating? Supposedly Dad did, but quite frankly, I don't know if I believe Mom. She's lied a shit ton about Dad out of spite. Who introduced you to the band you love? Ozzy, Metallica, Korn, and Manson: Mom. Cradle of Filth, found them myself. A Day to Remember: Jason. Rammstein: Guitar Hero, lmao. Do you look like your siblings? Kinda, but not all that much, save for hair. Ashley and Nicole look way more alike. What do you think of teenagers getting married? Uh, no. You need more time to mature. Are you afraid of being rejected? You have no fucking idea. Mind you, not just in a romantic way. Can you introduce yourself to a new person easily? HELL NO. How many girlfriends/boyfriends have told you they love you? Three. One was full of absolute shit. Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you? Yeah. Have you ever had to have surgery before? What was this for? Twice. First to put tubes in my ears when I was two, a second for a cyst this year. What is your orientation? Gay? Straight? Metrosexual? Anything other? Bisexual, but gradually realizing I think I actually like girls more. Funny because I originally thought I liked guys more. @_@ Who was the last person close to you, that died? Did you cry? No one exceptionally close to me has died, but the last person I was at least acquainted with was a woman I met at the hospital.

#survey #quiz #questions

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wroef · 7 years

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how would you characterize the finches (as in who are they a person, what is their personality like, their aesthetics, etc). you don't have to write essays, i'd just like to know what you think of each of them. that would really interest me.

mod milton just went to go get food which has left me unattended so (peace sign emoji)

(EDIT MOD MILTON GOT BACK FROM GETTING FOOD AND IM ONLY ON WALTER, you can’t tell me to not write essays i will anyway im trying to be as brief as possible this is just how i AM)

milton is the aesthetic dude so he can either reblog or go back and edit this with what he thinks everyone’s aesthetics would be, i’ll just give descriptions of them and their personality. also im only gonna do the ones with portraits!!

odin - probably has an attitude a lot like dawn? i mean, he uprooted his whole house to sail to america to try to escape the curse. so like, paranoid family man that wants to keep his family safe. also probably likes boating/fishing or something. he’s probably sorta like my dad in that he cares deeply about his family, doesn’t like really anyone else, and can almost be sorta hotheaded when it comes to something getting in the way of him and his family. i sorta get that vibe? idk

edie - probably like how mod milton has described her before, like a kooky but weirdly lovable grandma? like the kind that would babysit the kids and then give them a bunch of chocolate and candy just before sending them back to their parents or something. probably a sweet old lady but also the kind that’s like ‘youre too nice wtf’ because she’d also be weirdly paranoid and such because of the family curse. definitely a person you could sit with and hear all of her stories though.

molly - i feel like she’d be the kinda kid who’d eat bugs and stuff as a kid and break her toys to figure out how they worked. she reminds me a lot of me as a kid, just more happy? and more interested in sea stuff. i feel like she’d be the kinda girl that you’d have to drag away from the beach whenever yall had to go home. just super bubbly and sweet but with sorta a weird fascination with dissecting things and figuring out how the innards of stuff work together. also probably spends more time eating than doing literally anything else

barbara - definitely the cute blonde that everyone said ‘she’s gonna be big one day’ and she did. she probably woulda loved watching child star stuff and when she had the opportunity to be in a movie she begged edie to let her audition. as she got older and america ‘grew out of her’, she probably was a theater kid type in high school, just waiting for another big break and auditioning anywhere she could. definitely the kind to roll her eyes whenever she had to babysit her little brothers, but she still cared a lot about them.

calvin - the kid to have probably gotten his head stuck in a fish bowl pretending to be an astronaut more than once. he was probably a big nerd growing up about space, begging for stuff like a telescope or astronomy books or anything he could get his hands on. he was the kid who said ‘im gonna be an astronaut when i grow up’ and was actually gearing to do just that. he was probably amazing as heck at school and sam might have even had him do his homework more than once. so smart kid, very hardheaded. think of like, how the majority of the fandom portrays clay terran from ace attorney (if anyone around here plays AA?)

sam - perfectly content staying on the ground, thanks. total one-with-nature type kid, probably wanted to be a nature photographer before calvin died. after the fact, he probably geared himself more toward military because he figured the thought of achieving your ‘true dream’ was all bs since he had then lost two siblings trying to achieve their dreams. so he dropped the photography except for recreational usage, and focused on gearing toward the military probably because this is vietnam war time and he didn’t really have a drive to go for anything else. he liked the structure that being in the military gave him and raised his kids with the same strict schedule, but it was probably a combination of his general stubborn pessimistic personality (which was never shown around the kids, of course) with his history and being away from the kids for a lot of their younger years because of the USMC that lead to his and Kay’s divorce. i feel like ive rambled a lot about sam for someone who doesn’t like him. tl;dr bad dad but also sad dad?

walter - my poor, sweet, paranoid delusional baby. he was probably the type to, like molly, enjoy the sea a lot. he probably wanted to be a marine biologist growing up, and when barbara died because of the supposed ‘monster’, being exposed to that kind of trauma of literally hearing your sister’s last words as she screams while being killed, that would kinda fuck you up. i could see him locking himself in his room for days on end, eventually forcing edie to have to drop him out of school and homeschool him. it probably took him months to even be able to step outside of his room. when calvin died he probably re-shut himself in, just terrified of everything. it said in game he had been down there for 30 years, and since he died at 53, that would mean he retreated to the basement at 23 years old. possibly, when no one else was living in the house aside from edie, she and him worked together to create the bunker that took a few years to make before it was livable.

dawn - she probably took after her dad a lot, not in the fact of the hunting or other activities he enjoyed but more in the pessimistic view of life. she’s seen in his story reading a lot and i feel like that’s because she’s the quiet type that would rather submerse herself in a fantasy world in a book than she would interact with the real world. sorta like how the whole “sam seemed to go out of his way to meet [death]”, conversely, dawn tried to stay away from it as much as possible. she probably grew up wanting to explore and ‘see the world’ before she died, which was why she started joining volunteer programs to help people in other countries. she probably became more religious after her dad passed but hid it more when she got close to sanjay because of religious differences, which was why she and sanjay would have decided to raise their kids without religion. she cared a lot, but she showed it in a weird way; she was angry and paranoid, sure, but she did care. sorta like how i wrote odin.

gus - rebel kid. probably grew up with a resentment for his dad and saw him as the source for ‘mom leaving’ and such. gregory died when he was around 8 years old, which is just around the time hormones are about to go wild and puberty sets in, so he probably launched himself into a punk rock lifestyle to sort of rebel against his parents and deal with his grief in his own way when he felt no one else really understood him. since dawn was pretty hardheaded and stern and pessimistic like their father, gus probably didn’t feel all that comfortable talking to her, so he just bottled a lot of stuff up. sad baby

gregory - i feel like his story sums him up personality wise pretty well, idk, hes a baby

lewis - stoner kid. he probably grew up in india learning both english and hindi from his parents, and was generally a normal happy kid until his dad died. when he did and they moved back to the states, he would have been about 14, with milton at 10 and edith at 3. milton and lewis probably got along a lot for the year they were together in the finch house and while they were being homeschooled, and when milton disappeared he probably fell into a depressive state as he had no one else to really talk to around his age about the losses he experienced. not to mention as another anon said, he was the only finch to not really show any artistic talents, which further ostracized him from his family and everyone else. he probably took to drugs as a means to cope, which became a habit. when he graduated and isolated himself in his room to smoke and occasionally talk to edith, that’s when dawn signed him up for a job at the cannery to try to help coax him out and into a more healthy life, which of course backfired. overall though, he would have been a really nice person, if not sort of standoffish emotionally. he loved spending time with his siblings and his dad, though never really had much attachment to his mom. nice dude, 10/10, would smoke a bowl with him

milton - (in the words of mod milton: college art student doesn’t get sleep) ok thanks mod milton. ok so like. i see milton as being the super artsy kid in class, the one who’d say ‘i wanna be an artist when i grow up!’ and fucked around with paint all the time and stuff. as he got older he figured out how to make stuff work better (might have even been signed up for art classes) and figured out how to make landscapes and animate (with flipbooks) and such like that. he was probably a kid very eager to learn and discover new things, like how in an entire year he managed to find all the passageways in the finch house and disclose that information to lewis before he disappeared. very smart kid, practically a prodigy for his age in the world of painting and art

edith - sweet sweetheart baby child. probably grew up like the others, wanting to learn and figure out as much stuff as she possibly could. she took to drawing a lot and maybe even took pointers as a young 4 year old from her 11 year old brother milton before he disappeared. when he disappeared this probably raised a lot of curiosity in the young child and she wanted to learn more about her family history, but dawn wouldn’t allow it and edie wanted to respect her grandchild’s wishes despite her great-grandchild’s arguments. once they stopped being homeschooled (which idk what age that would be, i’d have to do math) and edith started going to public school, she may have been kind of insecure and introverted and kept to herself a lot of the time. when lewis died and she had to switch schools she probably gained more confidence from being in a place where no one knew her or her family history anymore and got herself a boyfriend which would lead to current situations in game.

I KNOW YOU SAID TO NOT WRITE PARAGRAPHS BUT THIS IS JUST HOW I DO MAN SORRY

-mod lewis

#wroef #how do i tag this #mod lewis #mod milton add aesthetics #Anonymous

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years

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07/08/2019 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 5:18-6:81, Acts 26:1-32, Psalms 6:1-10, Proverbs 18:20-21

Today is the 8th day of July. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is a great to be here with you today as we dive into our work week and as we kind of come off of the Daily Audio Bible long walk yesterday. And those pictures are still coming in, and I love it. I hope you had a wonderful time and were able to participate. If you weren’t, I mean, you can do this anytime. You can go for a long one with God anytime…actually…hopefully what's happened is you just modeled for yourself what kind of peace could be available if you slowed the world on and actually just mark off a day. So, hopefully it was a wonderful time for you. It certainly was rich. It is every year that I…that I draw that circle around a day and set it aside. So, it's good to be here with you refreshed and ready to go into this week. We’re working our way to the genealogies in first Chronicles at this point. We are also working through the drama that is in the apostle Paul's life now that he's been arrested. The Hebrew people, his own people want him dead. They’re trying to find some sort of way, either through the Romans or through an ambush, through some way, to kill him and he’s actually now being protected because he's incarcerated. So, as things stand in the book of Acts, there’s a new governor in town. The religious leaders of the Hebrew people are petitioning for Paul to be executed. The governor asks if Paul will go to Jerusalem to stand trial and Paul appeals to Caesar. And we will pick up with that story when we get to the New Testament, but first we’re reading from the New International Version this week. First Chronicles chapter 5 verse 18 through 6:81.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in our reading from the book of Acts today. Paul again, and this is becoming a theme, he had the opportunity to share the gospel while he was defending himself against the accusations of the Jewish religious leaders, and he was doing this in front of very, very powerful people, people that Paul would not have been able to get a meeting with, right? So, in this case he's in front of the Roman governor of Syria, so like a province of the Roman Empire and his name was Festus, but he’s also speaking in front of King Herod Agrippa the second and the king's sister Bernice. And their together, but I mean there's a ton of historical speculation that their together because they have an incestuous relationship, but it goes deeper. Agrippa and Bernice, they were both siblings of Drusilla. So, Drusilla was the wife of the previous governor, Felix. And as we read in the book of Acts, Felix would call Paul and talk to Paul on a continual ongoing basis for a couple years. So, Paul is like intimately sharing, like not just like a passing message, but intimately sharing the details of the gospel and his testimony to high ranking Roman officials as well as royalty while being protected from assassination by the Romans. It's pretty incredible. And, so, he's giving this testimony today in front of Bernice and Agrippa and King Agrippa's like, “do you think you can persuade me to become a Christian so quickly?” And Paul's like, “you know, like, quick or not isn't the point. I just pray that you and everybody else here comes to know Jesus. I pray that you would be like me except for the chains.” So, it’s important to see what's happening here. Paul was told by the Holy Spirit to go back to Jerusalem off of his missionary journeys and he was arrested, right? So, things look bad and people want to kill him, but Paul is also being allowed, and even in invited to speak the truth of the gospel to the most influential people in the entire region, in the whole world at that time. So, he openly shared the gospel of Jesus with two different Roman governors, with the entire Jewish high Council, with the King and two of the king's sisters. That's pretty big, like that's pretty far up the ladder but Paul wasn't starstruck by any of them. He didn’t try to bribe, he didn't blubber, he didn't try to mastermind his freedom or manipulate the situation. He just shared the good news even though he was a prisoner and it was his imprisonment that opened the door to this kind of interaction. And, so, what we have in the example of the apostle Paul is a pretty good look at…it’s a pretty good look at what complete devotion to Jesus, the kind of loyalty that could only be borne out of being fully convinced, right, and involved in an intimate relationship. He was willing to die over this and that is pretty devoted. And Paul's testimony brought…I mean…it brought disruption everywhere he went, because it was forcing a reinterpretation of ancient customs and rituals. That was the problem. Paul wasn't trying to say, “we all need to do away with Moses. We all need to forget about Abraham and just move forward. Let's figure something new out.” He wasn't trying to do that. He was a trained scholarly Pharisee who was looking at his own religion and then looking at his own religion through the eyes of a rabbi, right, with the Messiah, what Jesus had been saying and it was clicking, it was making sense, but it was disrupting everything because it was a reinterpretation. But in that reinterpretation, God's loving heart and personal interests in restoring humanity was revealed. And it's so weird, right, because we has believers, we can be like, “why…why wouldn't the whole world want this kind of peace? Like, why wouldn't the whole world want God's kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.” But we see that Paul experienced the same kind of things Jesus faced. And all we can really conclude from that is that Jesus was right. The light came into the darkness but people like the cover of the darkness better because they can hide. And, so, the disruptions we see around Paul are really simply the byproduct of what awakening does, like when a person sees the light and opens their eyes and can see. So, let's remember again that it's…it’s the same Spirit, the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, same Holy Spirit that compelled Paul to bring light and good news even in spite of the circumstances which is the story we’re reading now. It's the same story for us, we’ll bring light into the darkness. We’re supposed to be bringing light in the darkness wherever we step foot. Is that true of our lives??

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, we invite You into that. We’re seeing examples of the formative years of the church, we’re seeing the kinds of things that people were dealing with and the kind of culture that they were in while they were dealing with it and we can begin to realize, yeah, “it's a bit of a different, it’s a different part of the world and different customs, but not as distant as we might think” So, Father, we invite You into all of the things that we’re reading. Every day You're bringing up something within us, every day Your touching something about us. And, so, we invite You into this. We’re watching the bravery and the courage but we’re also watching the conviction and the intimacy of the apostle Paul with You that would cause him to do this and we think of ourselves and we invite You to show us the entanglements, the things that would keep our loyalties divided, the things that would keep us from surrender to You. Come Holy Spirit we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it’s home base, it’s where you find out what is going on around here. So, be sure to stay tuned and stay connected.

Don't forget to go onto our Facebook page facebook.com/dailyaudiobible and just kind of look in on the long walk. Some pictures are still coming in from yesterday. Just look in and enjoy. Enjoy the fellowship of community, just being able to look into each other's lives and look into each other's part of the world and enjoy the beauty that God bestows upon us every day. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible as we move through and navigate the summertime, thank you. Thank you humbly. There’s a link on the homepage. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253, is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi DAB family this is Lori from __ North Carolina, now traveling North America with my husband John, our cat Rosie and a truck __ . This is for Laura Lee from Boynton Beach who called on June 12th about her mom’s salvation, about the wounds that can be inflicted between a mother and daughter. I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to respond but I wanted you to know the story of my mom. I became a Christian in 1975 and began praying for her salvation from that day forward. But it seemed my prayers did nothing and in later years she developed Alzheimer’s and she lashed out at me in anger and hatred where I had once been the one closest to her and the heartache was almost intolerable. But we kept on praying for her salvation even though the disease ravaged her memory and her personality and eventually she stopped eating, began to lapse into delusions, and long comatose periods as if she wasn’t going to be with us much longer. Then the Lord moved the heart of a friend of ours who offered to come and pray. And I told him she’d likely wouldn’t even know we’d be in the room, but he came anyway. On that morning we walked into a room and were greeted by the miraculous sight of her sitting up in bed eating a hearty breakfast and fully coherent. Our friend shared the gospel with her. She asked questions to make sure she understood and to show that she just wasn’t just being polite for her visitors and she gave her life to Christ. She was born again 39 years after I began praying for her salvation. Even though it had appeared that Alzheimer’s had already stolen her away. Several days later my mom died in her sleep. I just wanted to share that story with you to let you know she’s with Jesus now, to encourage you and everyone else that’s been praying for a loved one for very long time. So, please don’t ever give up even when it looks like all has been lost. Our God is faithful and awesome and His word will never return to him void.

I’m struggling trying to find God’s will for my life. I feel like giving up. He tells us…the word says to not worry about what I’m gonna eat or what I’m gonna do but He doesn’t seem to answer my prayers. He seems far away and I’m giving up hope. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Hi family this is his little Cherry in Canada and I would like to request prayer for myself. I don’t feel like I’m doing very well. I’m still full of gratitude for the miracle of the wedding weekend. I’m so grateful to God for how He answered all of our prayers for my daughter’s wedding, but I am really struggling now. I’m not even sure how they articulate exactly. Of course, I’m feeling sad that…that I have an empty nest. I’m feeling tired, which is to be expected after such whirlwind wedding after the last nine months of preparation but I’m also feeling really discouraged about my health. I’m having real trouble with my lower back and tailbone. I haven’t been able to sit, not for long anyway, for the past few weeks and I’ve had to give up driving because I can’t sit. It’s really hard to get comfortable. My lower tail…back and tailbone have been sore for, oh, probably over six months but it’s just getting worse and no one seems to know why. I went to the doctor today and she was very unhelpful. And basically, just said, “hmmmm…I don’t know.” So, I’m feeling really discouraged. I’m feeling down because I just don’t feel like I have much purpose anymore. All of the ministry stuff that I have been involved with previously, I’m not doing anymore mostly because of my health. So, I just would really appreciate prayer that God would encourage me. Thank you so much family. Bye for now.

Hi Daily Audio Bible, this is Rebecca from Michigan. It is 4th of July. Happy 4th of July everybody and happy birthday to Jill. Hey, you know what you guys? I was going up the elevator and this guy, he put something in my heart. Like, some people…it’s like an older guy…and he said, “like some people don’t know where their sleeping tonight, what they’re eating tonight”, all this stuff, “some people don’t have a place to put their head on a pillow.” So, like I was so like God has that on my heart like people that are homeless He has…like…once in a while I see this one guy with a dog, he’d even trying to get support for his dog and the dog and him are homeless. So, it’s like I always wonder how people get that way, how they end up homeless. And, you know, I didn’t think about it but it’s something to thank God for, that if you have a roof over your head, a meal every day, I car to take you to work, gas in it to take you there, and if you have cloths on your back, you basically are rich. I mean I know it’s like not millions of dollars, but you have things that you need, basic needs. And it’s like, wow! There’s something to thank God for, the fact that you have these things that get you where you need to go, to make an income, to put a roof over your head, and food in your belly, and cloths on your back, and a car to get you to work, and gasoline to put in it. This is amazing that God has truly blessed us lots of times.

Hi family, it’s Shannon from Texas and I have the very best news. The best day of my life happened about a week ago. Jadrian my son that I have been calling in for for about four years since I started listening to the Daily Audio Bible, I’ve called in for him many times. We have had…I could write a book about __. I shouldn’t even talk about it at this point but just leading up to what happened the other day when I felt compelled to…I’m sitting and talking with my boss and…there’s just so much going on we’re I felt like…and even my son has mentioned he’d felt like he had these demonic attacks lots of times. And so much has gone on that I’ve called in about before about my son __ , about murder and __ practically proclaiming that, you know, he hated God and, you know, just even talking about Satan and the things that __. Too much to tell right now but I just prayed and prayed and prayed that my son would give his life to and his heart to God and I just didn’t happen the way that it just did out of the blue because I didn’t see anything happening. And the other day, my mom and I were talking and all of a sudden, I felt compelled to call in…not call in but get on the Facebook page and put my son on there. And literally a few minutes later he came in and sat down and said he wanted to pray and gave his heart to the Lord. My time is up. I love you guys. Thank you. I love you, love you. Bye-bye.

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automatismoateo · 6 years

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My Christian father mentally abuses my mother to the point of suicidal thoughts via /r/atheism

Submitted December 09, 2018 at 07:22AM by LTetromino (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2RLFVx5) My Christian father mentally abuses my mother to the point of suicidal thoughts

I’m an American high schooler who is soon about to go to college. My dad and I had never had the best of relationships, Unfortunately, the biggest reason is a hard one to repair. The vast majority of our problems is from his undying devotion to Christianity.

My fathers devotion to Christianity is an extremely strong one. He was not raised Christian. He grew up in Mao-era China, and was extremely poor for his childhood. He is the only one of 9 siblings to go to college and come to America. What makes this bond to Christianity inhumanly strong is the circumstances surrounding his conversion.

At the time, my father was still in medical school in America. He thought life would be better there, and had to restart much of his medical training. Among younger students and with broken English, my father felt bullied and discriminated against, and fell into a depression. When a friend of his suggested he go to church, he did, and “found peace in his life from God.” It was a redemption arc of legendary proportions, which only sealed his devotion.

He took me to church on Sundays and Fridays ever since I was a baby, up until late middle school. I was “Christian”, but never really devoted myself to the religion. I specifically remember the first time I was told the story of Moses and Ramses II. I learned God was always good, kind, and perfect, over and over and over again. When he punished the Pharaoh for making a decision that he had forced he Pharaoh to make, that set off a ticking time bomb in my mind. Since that day, I had become more and more skeptical about God and Christianity. I learned about evolution, nature, and science in general, furthering my skepticism.

When I was 13, I finally sincerely asked myself for the first time, “does God really even exist?” For the first time I started asking myself that without a pre-existing answer in my mind, and I decided that God, or at the very least the Christian God, is absolutely fake. At first, I would make excuses to not go to church. Then later I refused to go altogether. My father and I started to get into furious arguments.

We would argue and insult each other, and it would always end with me leaving the house or locking myself in my room. These arguments were over many things, but mainly over him attempting to force me to go to church and punishing me is I didn’t.

I’m not going to pretend I’m some kind of psychologist, but I have a theory that ever since discovering and following Christianity, my father has developed a “holier than thou” sort of delusion. He would call me “unreachable,” and “close minded.” He would say I would understand only when I was older. It’s as if my father thinks he always has a higher power supporting him, and that he must always be right. Any criticisms of his ways is a direct attack on his God. He must be all powerful in the family.

What spawns from that is him desperately grasping at ways to control me. He would make up ridiculously nonsensical and unnecessary rules for the family. He infuriatingly called them “family rules,” as if anyone else in the family gave a fuck about them. They included: have a “family meeting” once a month (he would mostly go on about religious matters). No playing video games on weekdays, no matter what. No locking my door, ever. Stay in my room if I don’t participate in church get-togethers that he hosts. I follow most of these rules if he’s home to prevent further argument, since most of them barely affect me.

My dad recently insisted that I go to bed before 11PM on weekends. This may sound completely okay to some of you, but to me? To enforce something as trivial as a bedtime on someone who is almost an adult was insulting to me beyond belief.

I argued that there was no reason at all that there should be an enforced 11PM bedtime for someone who is almost a grown man. I got into a viscous argument with him last Friday, and it ended with him shouting how I wasn’t his son and how he wished he never had me. I sat down in the dining room doing nothing until 1AM to spite him. It probably wasn’t the smartest idea but I refused to let him have the satisfaction of me giving in to his demand. Little did I know, the consequences for all of my actions were far greater than I had known.

Today, I was playing a video game online with a few of my friends. My mother then starts pestering me to go to bed at 11. That was unusual, since she is usually completely fine or only slightly reluctant to let me stay up late.

Where my mom fits in is that she’s usually a bystander, and will sometimes support either my father or me, depending on the subject. She’s not religious, and I feel like that secretly angers my father beyond belief. My mother has no job, but supported the family working a job she hated for years (during me in elementary school) while my father finished his medical training.

Our family was relatively poor for a very long time. My mother worked a job barely making over minimum wage supporting a family of four while my father studied. I remember that she would try her damn hardest to save as much money as she could, such as buying used clothes. A lot of my clothes in elementary school were hand-me-downs from my friend in the grade above who lived next door. I learned from my mother to spend money very sparingly, and what I do now reflects that. I never buy anything online that I don’t need without it going on sale. I cheaped out on my computer parts, using only $900 instead of the $2000 budget I had to build it. I never spend more than $4 for lunch at school. I never buy clothes that cost more than $20.

My mother and I had a very calm debate (a welcome alternative over the livid shouting matches) over the bedtime rule. I asked her why she cared at all, and kept pushing the question until she started to just let all of her feelings pour out. She told me that my father had been arguing with her and insulting her for her not enforcing his rules on me. He would insult her for having no job even though she had been looking for two years, and he called her “useless” and “a waste of space.” She admitted that she refused to sleep anywhere but the living room couch so she didn’t have to share a room with my father. He said that since he made the money, she was obligated to do what he wanted. Every time I made him angry, he would secretly take it out on my mom. My mom told me she wanted to die.

Furthermore, my mother told me that my father recently announced to her that he planned to give $100,000 to the church. This was absolutely devastating to me. The two of us were the most careful with money in the family. My mother said she would use cold water to wash dishes. She wouldn’t turn on air conditioning at night for herself. All of her clothes she bought herself were extremely cheap, usually less than $5.

And for what?

For my father to give it all to the church. To strangers from a religion that nobody in the family cared for except for him. Money that could be spent on our college, put in retirement, or to buy a home. All that money I mention I tried to save earlier? To the church. All the pains my mother suffers to save the family money? To the church. Every dollar for the last and next few years we managed to penny-pinch? To the fucking church. We unknowingly lowered our quality of life for years for the church. By giving them the money, he gives them our sacrifices for each other.

I am absolutely disgusted by my father. Im disgusted by his hypocritical actions. I’m disgusted by his decision to give a massive amount our money to a bunch of suits for a religious organization. By his pettiness. By his refusal to change. But mostly, I’m disgusted by his actions against my mom, who has given me unconditional love and support no matter what, for my entire life. Who has worked a shitty lab job for years to support us, and has probably single handedly saved enough money to buy everything we own again. Who has taken all of his shit without ever taking it out on me.

She’s says she’s planning a divorce after my sister and I go to college.

I hate this, I don’t want things to be this way anymore. I hate what religion has done to my family. I’m scared.

#reddit

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toomuchcoffeebye · 6 years

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Aight so I’m going to drop some bullshit on everyone because I have recently gotten on meds and worked through this, so. It’s pressing on my heart and I wanna vent. Reblog and comment if you want, but, this is personal.

[TW: suicide attempts (non-descriptive), depression, anxiety, sexual harassment, ignorance, heavy religious reppression, sexism, aphobia, homophobia, and minor allusions to racism (I am white, it hasn’t affected me personally, but it comes up a bit in this via general ignoance)]

K, so, Let’s start with my family background. White, Church of Christ or Catholic, Military, and in general, reliant on both the church and the military economy. I dunno if y’all know anything about the Church of Christ, but it is exclusionary, insistent on being the ONE TRUE CHURCH and ultimately pretty cultish, in their controlling of information, insistence on maintaining higher level education, and distinctive beliefs that they are following the First-Generation Christians despite being founded in the early 19th century. (http://www.theexaminer.org/volume8/number6/leftcoc.htm for more info [TW:religion and repressive religion specifically.)

ANd I was raised in it. My grandparents are wholeheartedly involved in one of those huge ones in the buckle of the bible belt, middle Tennessee. My mom likes to tell the story of when I was born, the week dad came home from Iraq so he wouldn’t miss my birth, they tried a new Church of Christ and she felt that I was coming Right Then and they had to leave halfway through the sermon. We went kind of inconsistently, but we lived the way Coc wanted, more or less. We (my family) sang a whole lot, (my dad used to be a member of a military chorus) as the church encourages A Capella worship (if a church has instruments, it is not a church of Christ). Coc encourages the father as the head of the household with a really specific tenant: the father of the household is responsible for the faith of all his children and his wife. and all of their children. ad nauseum. He prays for all of them, and they tell him what they want to pray for. This means, of course, that as a human female, your spiritual connection to god is always mediated by a man. forever. So Coc(k) has a patriarchy problem. ABout SPIRITUAL HEALTH! wtf. I never really understood what god WAS, and I guess the inconsistent church going saved me from their indoctrination, cause I’ve considered myself an atheist since I was like 12 and understood what that meant. I got baptized at 15, which in Coc is in a way signing over your body to god, for my dad. He really looks up to his father, they share a name and lots of features, and he respects G-pa for his spiritual conviction, which for him was broken a little by his time in the military. My dad wants to ensure that all of his children get to heaven, like his father wants to, and he was pressuring me because my older siblings got baptized earlier, at like 13, when they were ‘old enough to decide that’. Personally, I don’t think anyone should be allowed to sign themselves over to a deity when they can’t go on Disney.com without parental permission. I recently told my dad I was an atheist and he didn’t believe me because “you’re baptized!” and tbh I can’t believe I had to apologize for lying to my father about something he very much pressured me into. but Wtv. all of this was just set up for:

For the longest time, (ok, like 5 years wtv) I considered myself Asexual. It made sense, I could describe myself as that with ease, and it felt right. I’m only now beginning to unpack the feelings I held in unhealthily. Asexual is a valid and real sexuality, but I am not asexual. I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but tbh I have doubts about even that. I don’t trust myself to know what I want, partially because my family situation drilling into my head the idea that I have to have a boyfriend until I have a husband, and then I belong to him spiritually at least. I told my mom I was asexual, and explained it, and she first decided everyone felt like that, and when I pressed her that I was VERY sure that wasn’t true, she pulled over and ranted at me for Not Giving Me The Grandchildren I Deserve and it just sucked. I was pretty out at school, but around the time I told my mother I was being sexually harassed by this guy, call him Q, because of it. Q believed it ‘was a waste’ for me to be ace, and ‘no one is like that’, ‘everyone wants it’. He had a habit of grabbing me, touching me but I believed he was my friend. One day though, he slid his hand too close to my actual genitals and I sprained my hand punching him, and my friend reported him for sexual harassment after I ranted about him, and I didn’t press charges, because Q Was My Friend. Along side all that bullshit, I had lots of boyfriends through the years because my parents had made it very clear that I was to tell them if and when I had a boyfriend, and I took that to mean I had to have a boyfriend, and if I didn’t I should be looking for one. You can probably see how all of this compounded to make a bit of internal strife. Buckle up, Bois, I’m not fucking done.

So, I’m not going to out my siblings, no names, no specifics, but it should be made clear that we were going through similar shit, because not everyone is straight. (Or white, as it were. My sister brought home a Puerto Rican guy (I think? it’s kinda fuzzy by now, but not white) and my dad made a joke about ‘thinning the gene pool’. (caveat: he may have been talking about height, but I’m not sure. Again, fuzzy.) ) I didn’t learn that not all my siblings are straight until a long while after they knew about each other because I’m both a dumb rock and 2nd youngest. So, along with all the secrets being the 3rd of four came with, I was hiding this. I was hiding secrets for each of them, from each other, for my parents, from the siblings, for the siblings as a whole, for my older sister specifically, she had lots of lies for me to hide. And damn, that hurt. My parents focus a lot on honesty, and it’s worse in our household to lie than it is to do something bad. It’s worse to show emotions, though, so I guess it’s just fucked up. So there was I, overburdened by half-clear secrets and the need to shield what was left of my emotional core. This was compounded by the fact that everyone I met when I was little thought I was ‘odd’, if they were being polite. My older sister thought I was insane and I believed her because for no other reason would I be having so much trouble ‘controlling my emotions’ as my father puts it, having so much trouble holding what I assumed were a normal amount of secrets and being told I wasn’t fully human to the God I didn’t believe in.

This might sound trivial to some people, but it has left me fundamentally scared of expressing cheerfulness, sadness, anger, or anything but blind complacency and fear. I have severe Depression and Anxiety, no one can really read my emotions except for maybe my closest sibling and a few people who read what I write when I write expressively. I am scared to cry when I’m not alone, because I’ve been hit for less. I’m scared to cry when I am alone, for someone might hear me. I’m scared to show fear to the extent I apologize to my friends when I have a panic attack they caused by shoving their hand in my face repeatedly in a crowded and confusing party.

Recently, I was upset my sister wanted my company after I was sick and tired form surgery, she broke a promise she’d made, and she invaded my personal space. He threatened to kick me out because I was being so rude to her, he said ‘go pack your bags’ and everything, meaning it fro shock value, and I did. I went and packed my bags. He called me back down and asked the real question: Do I feel loved at home? I answered him honestly, and I told him I’m and atheist, It wasn’t just a phase, and I was serious. I didn’t tell him that I really wanted to leave, for real, because anyone who says that to their child probably means it, and if they don’t they shouldn’t be saying it at all. I didn’t do this because he’s in charge of the funding I get from his military benefits for college and I didn’t know what I would do without those. I was scared, and I lied. My own mother doesn’t fucking want me and she complains that I’m ‘hard to read’ when she has told me I’m an evil, emotionally-manipulative child for crying when she yelled at me for dropping a plate. I’m not sure I feel loved anywhere, to be honest. I guess that’s dumb, but you know. That’s how it is sometimes. My family says ‘I love you’ a lot, a lot- a lot, but I have never been sure they meant it, especially when it is said the most emphatically when dad is holding and comforting a child he just beat. He forced us to cuddle up to him after he beat us and he held us, telling us he loved us. I can’t trust that man saying ‘I love you’.

Again, I suppose this is trivial to some, but I have attempted suicide six times. I have had to give my knife to my friends, all that stupid shit. I’m not going to describe how, because that would be irresponsible. However, I’m going to do something radical and explain why I don’t want to anymore. Item one: It hurts. I have a high tolerance to pain, but the physical pain of a failed suicide attempt is dwarfed only by the gnawing regret, guilt, shame, and reminder that you’re Still Here. Item two: there are, really, things that I enjoy. They’re stupid and mundane, but I like breakfast. Eggs, bacon, the sunrise and the cool dew. I like baking, though I don’t do it often. Something about sweets and the making something always appealed to me. I like writing and drawing and handicrafts, though I am not very good at any of those things. Something about making something for others or something physical to hold always appealed to me, because it’s proof that I exist and manipulate reality. I never put any stock in that whole every-life-has-a-purpose bullshit, because if you were out here to do something, you can fuck it up, and I believed I had already fucked it all up. Item Three: While, even now, I don’t want to exist, there’s something mathematically implausible and cosmically coincidental about the fact that I do exist, that a consciousness inhabits this collection of atoms that tricked itself into becoming alive. I like the rebelliousness of it. The sheer existential power I’m flexing on every speck of dust that’s not currently alive. I DO exist, and there’s nothing more improbable or insane than that.

[TL;DR: I had a fucked up childhood and am now broken as a result. Don’t kill yourself for the status points you have above non-living matter.]

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jomckinley · 7 years

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I don’t believe in Religion

Over and over again this topic keeps coming up. I’ve been asked many times if I believe in God. The thing is I was baptized and raised a Roman Catholic. I had a very religious Catholic mom; my dad wasn’t so much, but he liked going to church and taking part in Christian activities such as picnics, parties, gatherings, etc. My parents’ social life revolved around Christianity. The funny thing was my mom wasn’t all religious either. We only started praying the rosary every night when I was around 12 years old. Before that it was only church.

Every Sunday, up until I was about 12, we would attend Catholic mass at 9:30 before my siblings and I would begin Sunday School at 11a.m. Every Sunday this was our ritual. When I got older I attended catechism classes. Looking back I don’t remember what I was taught because none of it ever mattered to me. When I was about maybe 8 years old I started getting tired of going to Sunday school, church never appealed to me and I wanted out. When you have religious parents forcing you to practice your Catholic faith, attend Sunday School and Catechism classes there isn’t much of a choice, so you have to do it.

So do I believe in a God? No. I do believe in a higher spiritual power. Ever since I moved out I no longer attended church; I will still go if my mom asks me to because it makes her happy. Church makes her happy and praying makes her happy. If that ever gets taken away from her she would be miserable, and I don’t want that.

I never understood the scriptures, or how spending an hour to attend Catholic mass was of benefit. Something about it never made me feel whole.

Then the other day my husband made a good point. Instead of focusing on going to church to find happiness or relying on Bible scriptures to find our way in life, we need to start focusing on finding our own happiness.

Recently I did something nice for an elderly man. It was one of those moments that rarely happens. I work in a Geriatric facility and my office is facing the main hallway, and I have these glass windows. Everyone can see me sitting here working away. This elderly gentleman noticed I had a vase of Bamboo in one corner of my office window and he kindly asked me if he could have one. I’m usually very attached to my stuff, so without hesitation I gave up one of my Bamboo plants to this man. He was very pleased and very happy that he could have one. In that moment I felt really good about myself and I was really happy about giving away something I helped grow.

I propagated my Bamboo last Summer because it was getting too tall, so I trimmed them accordingly and separated them. They say to use root hormones so that new roots can grow, but our water out here is fairly clean and drinkable. Instead of going through the trouble of buying rooting hormone for my newly propagated plants, I filled the vase with water and waited patiently to see if the Bamboos would grow new roots. Within 3-4 weeks new roots began to form and I was very happy.

My husband said to me that instead of sitting in church, we should do something, everyday, that makes us happy or help bring a smile to someone’s face. Life is too short to rely on scriptures. We should be able to dictate what we want to do and live it fully. What else makes me happy? Cutting out coffee and only drinking it on the weekends, my mood has greatly improved.

Religion, for me, doesn’t solve anything that’s wrong in my life. I don’t kneel and pray to God asking him to help me fix any of my imperfections or downfall, we only have ourselves to focus on. If you’re not happy then find a way to resolve it. Hate your job? Maybe it’s time for you to go back to school and do something you love. Can’t afford to do anything? Start saving, or make sacrifices in order to put some money aside to get things that you want or need. We cannot pray to a God to help us with these things.

There are also different Christianity groups, but to me they’re all the same. The practices are different, but they all read the same Bible, yet they happen to disagree upon each other. Did you know that religion causes the most arguments amongst people? It’s a fact. People fight over religion, not politics, religion. If there was a war it’s because Christians don’t agree with other Christians. The idea of church doesn’t make me happy. The idea of reading the Bible to find answers to my woes doesn’t make sense. “The Bible says...” I don’t care what the Bible says. This book was written in a time when all the people had was their faith. Move forward into the 21st Century, it becomes obsolete. Everything we’re doing now, especially with technology, would be considered a sin. You know why? Because the book says so. I wouldn’t let a book dictate what I want to say or do in life.

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