#more questionable coping mechanisms though this time there's less murder

[gayhawkelatehomicide]

Alike In Sorrow pt. 2

Here's the next section of this! This one's a bit chonky but yanno. We're doing our best.

***

Words: 1646

Rating: T for alcohol and swearing

Additional Tags: some Isabela lovin' in here, also Varric being the world's best bestie, more questionable coping mechanisms though this time there's less murder, Kiera be nice to Cole or I will turn this Inquisition around, brief cameo from my Trevelyan tho he's got his own problems

***

     "Liquor and laughing, sea salt spray and spices. She dances through the dark, daggers darting, dangerous and daring. Glint of teeth when she grins, leather boots and spilled ale, gold gleaming and her voice soft in the early morning. She misses you." 

     Kiera scowls at the kid. This time, he's materialized sitting on the other end of the table, feet on the bench. She's had about four drinks too many and was getting close to comfortably wasted, listening to the Chargers' raucous laughter and slowly relaxing into her corner chair. The noise and the smells are almost right, just missing the faint fishy tang you can never escape in Lowtown, and the sound of Norah complaining about the customers. Hawke was beginning to feel vaguely at home; any minute now someone would burst through the door with a problem only the Champion can solve. 

     Trust Varric's little mind reader to show up and ruin a decent drinking session. She's really going to have to have words with him about the kind of people he decides to adopt. First it was her—probably the best thing to ever happen to him—and his judgment has gone downhill from there. Merrill was kind of a mutual mistake, but Cole is a different issue entirely.

     "Do you ever ask before you go rooting around in people's heads, or is that too much effort?" She asks, finishing her drink because if she's going to have a conversation with the spirit kid, she'd like to be drunker than this.

     "I can only hear people who need me," he explains. She's not sure how she knows, because the hat still obscures most of his face, but he's watching the drinking with concerned disapproval. It's uncomfortably similar to how Varric used to watch her, in the months after the fight with the Arishok and Isabella's disappearance. 

     Hawke quirks a sardonic eyebrow at him, not feeling quite up to her usual witty repartee. "And I need you?"

     "You're... sad. Hurt and hurting. Waiting, weighed down with wars you didn't win, too heavy to fly. People who need protecting. A hall with a hundred doors, each one locked by loss. A tower deep in the ground with barriers built by blood. Father's voice in the shadows. Some doors should stay shut. You think you let the darkness out, but it isn't your fault. None of it was your fault." 

     Kiera looks at him for a long moment, trying to summon up the energy to get mad. Her analogy about the closed doors in her heart isn't one she's ever spoken out loud, not even to Varric, and they haven't told anyone the details of her father's work with the Gray Wardens to bind Corryphyus. If she had any doubts that the kid was reading minds, they're gone now. She wants to be pissed that he's sticking his nose in her head and looking for the really painful stuff she locked away, but her own Maker-damned sense of fairness intrudes. He's only trying to help. And hell, maybe she needed to hear some of this shit. She sighs.

     "So Isabela misses me, huh?" 

     "A swagger in her step like the swell of the sea, eyes distant as the horizon and just as beautiful, freedom feels like my ship under my soles and her sword-rough hand in my hand, Maker bring her back to me." His voice is rhythmic, like he's reciting something he memorized, but Hawke recognizes her lover's sentiments all the same. Isabela rarely says such things aloud, of course. The two of them don't need romantic words to understand how much they mean to each other. She knows Isabela worries when they're apart, because Hawke's conscience drives her into danger wherever she goes, but worrying has never been a good enough reason for either of them to change how they act. Still, she appreciates hearing it.

     "I miss her too," Kiera hears herself mumble into her drink, which has been refilled by a passing barmaid. She didn't mean to say it. Something about this kid inspires her to uncharacteristic honesty. Better figure out how to quit that before someone notices. 

     "I know."

     "She's not even here," Hawke rallies, sitting up straighter to squint curiously at Cole. "How can you read her mind from all the way in Llomeryn?" 

     He shrugs, a gesture which looks a little too stiff to be natural for him. "Her hurt touches yours."

     "Huh."

     Before she can come up with something else to ask—anything so they don't have to talk about Corryphyus and all the people she made it possible for him to hurt—a commotion at the door draws both of their attention. Inquisitor Trevelyan, Varric, and Warden Blackwall come trooping in looking like they've been dragged ass-first through Darktown, which means they were probably out looking for Maker-knows-what in that awful swamp to the southeast. She has a distant memory of listening to Varric gripe about the trip before leaving, and the vague impression that his lengthy absence might have something to do with her decision to get absolutely wasted. Regardless of her motivations, he's here now, so Hawke lifts a hand to wave him over, favoring the Inquisitor with a halfhearted salute. 

     Trevelyan returns it, bemused, then follows Blackwall to the bar. Varric changes course to join Hawke and Cole. Except now there's no Cole, and it's just Hawke sitting by herself at her corner table, looking drunk and a little pathetic. Varric coasts to a stop as soon as he gets close enough to be heard, staying well out of range of any potential retribution for his obligatory quip about the number of empty mugs she hasn't let the waitresses take away. (You learn to hang onto them, in the Hanged Man, if only as a way to keep track of how many you've had. Corrf likes to charge you for at least three extras if you don't count them yourself. Hawke usually lets him—it's not like she doesn't have the coin—but it's a hard habit to break.)

     "We've got to talk about the company you keep, Varric," she beats him to the punch. Her words come out a little blurry, but she's sure he gets the gist.

     "Oh, this I've gotta hear." Varric's worried expression slides easily into a practiced grin as he pulls up a chair. "You getting on my case for hanging out with crazies. Somebody alert the Empress." 

     She sticks out her tongue at him, with great dignity. "Your little..." Hawke waves a hand vaguely attic-ward, too drunk to come up with anything more polite than 'shit' and pretty certain that she'd get in trouble for saying it. "He keeps fuckin' around in my head."

     An eyebrow goes up. "And you remember it? The kid slips through most people's memory like water."

     "Prolonged exposure to Merrill and Anders," she suggests by way of explanation, though most of the syllables get lost on the way from her brain to her mouth. 

     Varric is, by now, an expert at translating her drunken slurring into coherent speech. "That might make sense if you squint. Good enough for me, but don't let Sparkler hear it. He'll haul you off for tests." He starts consolidating the empty cups into rows to make them easier to collect. "Maybe you can help me talk to Cole sometime. I can't keep most of our conversations straight unless he's trying real hard to be present." 

     "Nah, that's part of the problem," she squints over the rim of her most recent mug as she takes another hearty swig. "Can't really keep hold of what he said, just know I'm mad about it."

     "Yeah, that sounds like you," Varric agrees in a tone somewhere between resigned and exasperated. "You know, Hawke, he's a spirit of compassion. He helps people work out whatever's eating them, and you've got more baggage than most people. A lot more."

     "What, are you trying to imply I'm not a well-adjusted member of society?" Hawke grins, settling her chin on her arms to be closer to eye level with her best friend. It's harder to see him through the mugs from this angle, but her neck doesn't ache as much.

     "No, no. I'd never spread such obvious slander," Varric assures her. "Just saying, maybe let the kid help. If he messes up too badly, you won't remember it anyways."

     This seems like a sensible approach, so she nods without sitting up again. Hawke is awfully comfortable all of a sudden—since she stopped wearing her breastplate to the tavern it's much easier to slouch against the table without the gorget getting in the way. Her eyes slide shut. She's tired and drunk and warm, and she's just going to close them for a minute. Besides, Varric is here now and she can relax for the first time in days. Varric won't let anything happen while she rests. He'll wake her up if anything comes to burn down their city. It's safe.

     She wakes up in her room, bleary and momentarily panicked, sitting bolt upright before the familiar smell of ink, leather, and Bianca's distinctive rail lubricant sinks in. Varric has his back to her—though Hawke doesn't for a moment make the mistake of thinking he doesn't know she's awake—and is humming softly to himself as he lovingly works oil into the wheels and wires of his crossbow. The windows are closed, the door is bolted, there's a fire in the grate, her boots are by the door, her armor is on its stand, and Hawke is tucked into her bed. The muscles in her shoulders relax. She lies back down, feeling the tension go out of her neck and forehead, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly a few times to force herself to calm down. Bethany taught her that, when they were very young. She's not alone.

     It is safe.

[sharpth1ng]

Do you have any tips for writing? Or you just go with the flow and hope for the best

I do have tips yeah, but keep in mind this is just how it works for me, there are probably lots of different approaches that are equally good.

My writing is pretty character driven so that drives a lot of my process.

When I'm writing I want to have a sense of how a character experiences the world, so I ask myself questions like this:

-Are they more cerebral, in their head? Or are they more sensory -How much tolerance do they have for bad things and feelings? -How do they react when something good happens? -Do they celebrate their wins or react with anxiety because winning adds pressure? -Are they embarrassed by compliments or do they take them well? If they're embarrassed do they get flustered or gruff? -Do their outward reactions match the way they feel inside? -Do they lie well? If they do is there anything they can't lie about? -What do they need to feel secure? -What calms them down? -What are their coping mechanisms? Make sure there are some bad ones (I mean that, imo a good character needs real flaws) -Do they speak directly about their feelings or do they talk around things

There's a lot more questions like that that you can ask yourself, and know the answers to those things makes it a lot easier to figure out how they would react to whatever you want to throw at them in the plot. Sometimes a character is going to be resistant to something you want to do and it's worth it to take the time (both IRL and in the plot) to figure out what that character needs to get them to a place where they're ready to react the way you need for the plot point.

Dialogue and Language

Another big thing for me is dialogue, as well as the language you use in general for describing things from a character's perspective. I'm not exactly sure out to describe this exactly, but I'll give an example. Stu uses a lot more casual and shortened language than Billy ('cause, gonna, sayin', ect.), and he's a lot more willing to use goofy slang than Billy is (dope, rad, the bomb).

Both of them use some movie language but Billy uses more- referring to his life plans and experiences as "the plot", referring to his field of view as "the shot", stuff like that.

Billy on the other hand uses slightly more formal, occasionally more dramatic language. He's less likely to use shortened words if he's not actively having sex, and when he swears he's more likely to say fuck than shit. He also refers to a lot more using critical language. Things are stupid, dumb, asinine, ect.

for both of them though I generally try to stick to more common language. Theres lots of fun words in the thesaurus, but if they don't sound like something a 19/20 year old dude would say I'm not going to try to find something else.

Plot

There are different kind of arcs to consider when you're figuring out pacing. For me I try to make sure chapters have an arc- I try to introduce an issue in the start, the characters navigate that through the chapter, and the tension rises toward the end until it comes to a head somehow. In my writing thats often a sex scene or a fight (or both).

I also try to consider the overarching plot. where do I want my characters to end up by the end of the story and what needs to happen to get them there? I don't like introducing plot elements out of nowhere, so I often try to mention things at least in an offhand way before they become important to the plot.

Practically the way I approach this is to figure out plot milestones. as an example for Debaser we start with a choking encounter that results in both of them having a sexual experience. That leads to an exploration of more power/painplay under the guise that it's not sexual, until they get to the point of having to admit that it sexual.

At that point its a slippery slope, especially after Maureens murder, which is a bonding experience. It sort of continues on that way, but they're all steps that move Billy into a place where he's more willing to let himself do what he actually wants.

I'm sure there's more I could say but this is the most useful advice I can think of right now. Basically know your characters! Know more about them than you think you'll need to to write the story, because you'll be shocked how much of it you can use to fill in blanks in a way that feels genuine.

I hope that helps!

[mxdarling]

["You’re so pretty when you smile." / "We’re stuck together now, I’ll make sure of it."]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

ೃ⁀➷: summary: shu is making pretty outfits for his lovely model, aka you / you finally have a lover, mika isn't too thrilled about it.

ೃ⁀➷: Word count: 1469

ೃ⁀➷: Reference/Inspiration: N/A

ೃ⁀➷: Event: [200 followers event]

ೃ⁀➷: ERA: !!

[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me. I don’t condone this type of behavior, this is merely just for entertaining purposes and some sort of coping mechanism for me. If you continue to read beyond this point, ignoring my warnings, I am not responsible for your actions from here on out.

[Warnings:] bad oneshot, lowercase, maybe ooc shu and mika, yandere behavior, implied reader could be in love with shu, reader gets called darling (ma chérie), reader is being treated like a doll (shu's part), reader has a lover (mika's part), reader friendzones mika, implied murder, mentions of getting rid of a body, mentions of stabbing.

[GN reader]

SHU ITSUKI had quite the hobby of stitching up new outfits whether it be for a valkyrie performance or not. most of the time you'd find him in his office spending upon hours and hours designing and stitching up an outfit from scratch. sometimes you'd see band-aids wrapped around his fingers from when he'd accidentally poke himself with the sharp needles, or how some of the threads will be attached to his clothes when he finally leaves his office.

you're often left curious what goes on in the process of making these distinctive and compelling outfits. what deductions does shu do to make a decisive decision on every part of the outfit? where does his creativity flow come from? such questions were left bitterly unanswered yet you didn't have the heart to ask him. you couldn't bear to disturb the peace while he makes these clothes. so, you've slowly accepted just watching from afar.

a few months have passed and nothing out of the ordinary has happened during the day. completing your usual routine, helping mika with his idol work, and...slightly admiring shu from a distance. that's how it always went—just a simple unrequited love. nothing more, nothing less. till that simple yet crafted planned out routine was crashed all by a unexpected encounter.

"do not be mistaken, for it was not I who have made such a demand, but mademoiselle who persistently kept requesting your presence in my office."

without hesitation, of course you said 'yes'. he spoke in his usual harsh tone and wordings, yet, just for a split second, there was a slight fondness in his eyes. perhaps you were just imagining it but it wouldn't hurt to believe in it, right?

since then you've starting spending your time in his office, modeling till morning to dawn, sometimes late evening depending how satisfied he is with the final product on you. being of service to shu thrilled you, so much more when he began to seek you out more frequently. you finally got to see the whole process of his creations, the amount of beta designs one outfit goes through. the motion of his hands sewing the fabric together, you could finally see all of them in front of your eyes.

as time went by, you started to grow more and more concern. you're still thrilled to be able to spend time with shu, don't be mistaken, but it felt like you were spending more and more time in his office than doing anything else.. it wasn't often that shu would disturb you during your morning tasks, he'd wait until later afternoon or early evening to start. soon morning tasks were moved to the afternoon as you were preoccupied with modelling for shu. slowly but surely you've started to abandon almost your duties in favor of wanting to spend more time helping shu with model his outfits.

to be honest, you felt bad for leaving all your work to mika.. poor lad must be struggling in pressure and stress from how much he has to do in a day and next the following days. though mika has reassured time and time again that this is no problem for him. ("helpin' producer is what i want to do!"). although you've demanded to aid mika have never truly died down, they are met with the same verdict repeatedly and again.

"please don't make such a dejected expression, ma chérie. it will ruin the appeal of the overall creation of my hard work."

shu successfully hushes your protests from slipping out your mouth, opting in keeping your mouth shut, knowing your words won't change his mind. standing up from his desk in favor of walking towards you. he takes slow and steady steps, sound of echoes of his shoes bounces off the walls sends a elegant yet eerie vibe, goosebumps rising in your arms and legs. for the first time since you've been with shu, you feel unsafe.

"there, smiling suits you best, don't you know? smile for me, alright? you’re so pretty when you smile, ma chérie.."

MIKA KAGEHIRA was a sweetheart to you. it was hard to find it in yourself to dislike him. even if he messed up one of his tasks, you could tell he was trying his best to learn and adapt. plus, you were there right by his side to help him! help guide him when he looked lost and needed your help! often you praise him for his hard work when doing his tasks—even if it ends up a little wonky, it was hard work nonetheless.

you took note of how happy he gets, and how much wider his smile gets when you praise him. he seems more motivated and more determined to finish when you do so as well. to you it was a very cute sight to see and witness on a daily, it reminded you of good puppy doing tasks for its owner to try and win their praise. of course this giving of praise wasn't one-sided, no no no, not at all. in fact, he probably does it way more than you do!

you two were like two peas in a pod, inseparable. attached to each other's hip and always right by each other's side. if the other goes, the other follows. lots of people have observed that and would comment on how close you and mika were. even shu (plus mademoiselle) has made such comments about the two of you. it became more and more of a common sight to see the both of you doing something together. whether that be sewing outfits to show to teach, collecting stuff toys, making (forcing) mika eat a proper meal, going shopping, everything.

naturally people around would often say how nice you two look together, how it was adorable you two were matching bracelets, how you two look like an actually couple. couple, you and mika? you never really thought about how people would view your very close friendship with mika, neither did you ever thought of really dating him. the idea wasn't unwelcomed, but it wasn't something you desired either. you couldn't really find yourself actually dating mika and being in a romantic relationship with him. it just didn't felt right to you, so you'd end up telling people you and mika are just friends multiple times as the assumptions about you being a couple continued to grow.

with that in mind it was safe to say that you weren't surprised when people jaw dropped the moment you announced that you had a lover and it wasn't mika. so many people expected you'd two were gonna become a real thing, listen to the people's assumptions, you guessed. introducing your lover to mika was... awkward. mika kept acting 'weird' in your lover's words, knowing mika longer and more personal than they have, you know that's just mika being nervous. still he was odd when describing how he felt about your lover, all the muttering and whispers weren't normal, nor was his oddly empty and dark gaze.

it was even more odd to find your lover not in your shared apartment that night, yet it all made sense when you find your lover dead on the ground, and the culprit was none other than your best friend, mika.

your lover lay flat on the ground, most likely already dead by how dry the blood on the floor is. their clothes were a bloody mess, you can see the stab wounds through the clothes they wore. worse of all, a knife stabbed right through their fucking skull. you wanna throw up, your stomach feels sick just by looking at this scene alone. you turn your head towards mika, who you caught just before he was about to get rid of the body.

your eyes showed disbelief, he was your best friend after all. his eyes looked guilty, almost like you weren't supposed to seem him like this.

"waah... please don' cry..! I'll cry too! I.. I did a good job, right...?"

mika points out your crying you were unaware of. he soften his gaze and walks towards you, opening his arms to signal he's gonna hug you as an act of comfort. (perhaps he should dispose of the dead body in the alley. if he did, it removed your source of discomfort, or so he thinks.) putting your comfort above his 'task' he tries to give you into a (not) comforting hug. he knew you were scared. you were trembling, seeing blood and a dead body isn't good for your untantained eyes. out of fear and instinct you step away from him, hitting the alley wall as a result—trapping you with mika blocking your only exist.

"no! please don' leave me! we’re stuck together now, I’ll make sure of it!"

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

[a/n; ohhh boy.. this was long LOLL mostly because this just wasn't one character. this took way too long for me to write i'm so sorry. though i definitely had a lot of fun writing this, especially shu's part. in all honesty i sort of did rushed mika's part but i think it was still good lmaoo. anyways, thank you for requesting shu with dialogue #7 and mika with dialogue #22! i hope you still like this despite it being a few months late! again so sorry for not being active! its really hard to be active here without any interactions with followers! pls i encourage asks about anything really! i wanna talk to you guys i swear i'm really nice🥺🥺]

[duhragonball]

Chainsaw Man Ch. 67-70

Oops.

"Last time, Germany's Santa Claus sacrificed three children to send Chainsaw Man to Hell in exchange for a chance to eat the flesh of the Darkness Devil so that he could make a new body out of his army of zombie-doll creatures."

That is a sentence that probably should not exist, and yet it is brings us up to speed anyway. The upshot here is that Santa Claus is now some sort of eldritch horror who can convert any human he touches into doll creatures, and now the Darkness power has made him even stronger, and he plans to kill Makima this way. But she brought back everyone from hell, and Chainsaw Man seems to be in good shape, so he starts fighting Santa.

Meanwhile, two side characters kind of talk about it. Kishibe, the guy who trained Denji and Power a while back, had tried to bring Quanxi in on his secret plot to kill Makima, but that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. This other dude casually observes that this whole battle never had anything to do with protecting or killing Denji. Instead, Santa and Makima are fighting over some other objective, and Denji seems to be a pawn in their game. He also deduces that Makima can spy on everyone because she has the power to hear through various lower forms of like, like mice and birds.

So yeah, uh, Germany's Santa Claus, everybody! She's single, fellas!

It's unclear what happened to the other characters who got sent to hell. Makima and Denji made it back, and so did Quanxi... but she didn't return in one piece. Two of her fiend girlfriends were in hell with her, and apparently they're just dead. So a third fiend girlfriend finds Quanxi's head and pulls some sort of spearhead from under her eyepatch, and this somehow activates...

... uh, whatever this is. I guess Quanxi has the same kind of power Chainsaw Man has, but with knives or something. Also she's butt-ass naked in this form. She offers to team up with Denji, even though she was sent her by the Chinese government to kill him. She wants Santa dead more, because he's responsible for killing two of her skanks.

Their attacks damage Santa, but with her new darkness power, she can regenerate pretty quickly. I think it only works when she's in shadow, though. Anyway, Santa manages to stymie Denji pretty well by sending dolls after him who seem much more human than the dolls we've seen up to this point. They scream and beg for mercy, and Denji balks because he doesn't want to murder them. Quanxi assures him that they're not really sentient anymore, and they're just mindless automatons like the other dolls. How would she know, though?

Quanxi doesn't really answer that question. Her point is that they have to kill these dolls to defeat Santa, and thinking of them as beyond saving makes it easier to kill them. It's more of a coping mechanism than intel.

As the battle wears on, night falls, and Santa's darkness powers get stronger. She redesigns her body again and yikes.

Also, Santa seems to have figured out how to turn corpses into dolls, and she converts the two dead minions Quanxi was trying to avenge. They take the third one hostage and stab Quanxi. Santa considers turning Quanxi into a doll, but she forgot one thing...

Chainsaws can be set on fire. Wait, no, that's not badass, that's stupid as hell! I retract my earlier statement. Germany's Santa Claus did not forget one thing. No one would ever consider this possibility in the first place, much less forget about it in the heat of battle.

Basically, Denji's idea here is that if he attacks while he's surrounded by fire, then he can offset Santa's ability to regenerate in darkness. I'm not clear how her powers work, but Makima warned that attacks in darkness would be ineffective, and one could argue that cutting attacks are sort of hidden inside the thing you're cutting, so there's not much light to work with. But if Denji's chainsaws are a light source in and of themselves, that solves everything.

Also he remembers the trick with the chains from the Reze arc. Chainsaw Man wraps her up good and pulls her closer to the flames, while she sends in dolls to try to protect her. But she's no match for the mighty Chainsaw Man.

Soon, Germany's Santa Claus begins to despair, and wonders what the hell is wrong with Chainsaw Man that he just won't keel over and die. But the answer is the same as always. Denji wants something frivolous, and he can't have it unless he destroys his enemy, so that's all there is to it.

Happy Boxing Day, you weird-ass bowl full of jelly.

So Denji's won, right? Not quite. He defeated Santa's main body, but Santa still has a contract with the Doll Devil, which affords her control over all the dolls she's made, and they can make many more with a mere touch. Santa expects to continue evolving with the power of darkness and she can just come back with a new doll body and and send dolls to stalk and attack Denji again and again, indefinitely. Denji isn't too worried about this, but he gets his head cut off on the next page, so I guess this isn't his problem anymore.

Qwanxi confronts the burning remains of Santa and wants revenge for her dead skanks. To that end, she employs the fourth one, who we haven't seen much lately. She's the one who can only say Halloween, and on Qwanxi's orders she does a Kamehameha, but Halloween themed. Cute.

What the hell does this accomplish? Well, Santa finds herself in a vast library with this fiend, who introduces herself as the Cosmic Fiend. We're inside her mind, I think, and she can speak normally here. Santa isn't too impressed, because she thinks she can withstand a psychic assault, but tha'ts not what this is.

The Cosmic Fiend has cosmic awareness, for lack of a better term, and she can share that knowledge of everything with others, like Santa Claus. And once they receive this vast storehouse of knowledge and wisdom and enlightment...

You can only think of Halloween until you die. 🎃👻 💀🦇

I... I don't know how to react to that. I guess it explains Cosmic Fiend's appearance. I thought she was just supposed to look like some "cute" zombie, but I guess the real reason her brain is hanging out of her head is because she possesses such incomprehensible knowledge of the universe that her poor skull couldn't contain it.

Anyway, this neatly solves the problem of Santa Claus's doll slaves, because they're still alive, but now they're incapable of doing anything but shouting "Halloween" over and over again. I hope that deactivated the thing where they can turn other people into dolls by touching them, though.

Quanxi seems to have won here, since she decapitated Denji and defeated Santa Claus, but there's one more force to be reckoned with, and it's Makima. Kishibe and the other guy put on their blindfolds, because Public Safety has a rule that you're not allowed to see Makima use her power.

Quanxi immediately surrenders. I don't know if she just realizes she's outmatched, or she's that desperate to end the fight. She pleads for Makima to spare her two minions. But Makima won't accept any terms.

Quanxi and her entourage are suddenly decapitated, in a fashion that reminds me a lot of the way the Darkness Devil fought in hell. Maybe I'm reading too much into that. It's more likely that the comic is just depicting the effects of Makima's secret power without giving away the cause. It's also possible that Makima has one of her people nearby attacking these women on her behalf, like the way Angel Devil took out Reze from the rooftop.

One last loose end. Remember the Immortal Bros. from America? Remember how Aldo was the only one left, and he spent the whole arc trying to work up the courage to carry out his assignment? Well, he must have gotten turned into a doll at some point, because here he is chanting Halloween like all the other dolls in Santa Claus' hive mind.

So Makima has won. With Santa and Quanxi defeated, it's unlikely that the other nations would dare send anyone else into Japan to go after her or Denji. So everyone can take of their blindfolds now, but Kishibe leaves his own, because he knew Quanxi for a lot of years, and he has no great desire to see her dead body on the ground. Also, everything else that's happened is pretty fucked up too.

There's a two-page comic after Chapter 70 that shows the past relationship between Kishibe and Quanxi. She was the legendary "First Devil Hunter" and she had once been partnered up with Kishibe, who would hit on her and get punched in the face for his trouble. After about nine years of this, he finally admitted that he loved her, and she realized she was gay. It adds a nice touch to his refusing to take off his blindfold when she's killed.

[lowcountry-gothic]

I just finished season 7 of my Dexter rewatch, and wow, that gut-punch of a scene. I always thought of it as a plot twist, a surprise, as the episode’s title—“Surprise, Motherfucker!”—would suggest the viewer is meant to think about it, but this time around, knowing what’s about to happen, it feels inevitable. As if there were nothing else that could possibly happen. And I’m rethinking the way I view this entire show. The first time around, when it was first airing, I always thought of Dexter Morgan as an antihero, someone like Batman, who achieved justice where the system failed, albeit a much more bloody and violent justice. Now it seems clear to me that Dexter isn’t an antihero, and almost certainly isn’t meant to be one by the writers. He’s the main figure in a sort of modern day Greek tragedy.

The tragedy of what happened to his mother, sure, and the trauma her death caused, and the way it made him fascinated with blood and death...that much is obvious. But what I’m seeing now are things that, for whatever reason, escaped me before. Things like his adoptive father seeing this fascination with blood and death and, instead of treating it as an unhealthy coping mechanism for his trauma, seeing it—and more tragically, explaining it to Dexter in such a way that he believes it himself—not as something he could possibly heal from, but as a fatalistic, permanent, and defining aspect of who and what Dexter is. Harry’s belief that Dexter just isn’t normal, and never can be, and the way this shaped Dexter’s own sense of himself and the possibilities his life could hold. The way Harry uses Dexter to fulfill his own cop vengeance fantasies that he can’t enact, and the way that Harry’s subsequent suicide makes Dexter feel like it’s all his own fault.

And there’s the fact that Dexter builds a normal life for himself first as a mask to hide what he thinks truly defines him, but doesn’t even question the idea of this side of his life as “false” until midway into the show, when he begins to see that he is just as capable of meaningful human relationships as anyone else is, and that his brokenness isn’t something unique to him but a feature everyone shares, though in much less extreme ways. How he only realizes, after so much personal loss and tragedy, that his “need” to kill is only a passing emotional state that doesn’t control him, and the way he only realizes this after so much killing when it’s too late to live a life uncomplicated by murder and criminal guilt and murderous habits.

The way he, based on Harry’s beliefs, makes decisions and prioritizes things in ways that seem very small at first, but it’s soon obvious, cumulatively, that he’s unintentionally hurting those he loves in ways that don’t stab but cut like paper.

And the way his ultimate decision that his “fake” life—his career and relationships—is the most important thing to him, and he doesn’t want to lose it, the way this realization comes too late because at this point he’s already given up so much to the altar of his hidden life that so very little of the “normal” life he now values so much is even left at this point.

And of course there’s Deb, and her love for him, and how it causes her to make so many bad decisions, so many instances of giving up her own self for him, and the way this culminates in such a horrifying way for her at the end of season 7—we’re not really even sure if the shot was intentional or an accident, but that doesn’t matter, not for her. It’s so tragic. And the way that she’s so overcome by horror and grief, for herself and for Laguerta, and the sheer agony evident on her face as she breathes, “I hate you,” a line that not even the subtitles caption—you just have to pay attention and listen or be able to read her lips—Damn.

And above all, how things didn’t have to be this way. If Harry had had more faith in Dexter as a child. If he hadn’t—just like a cop—believed that people’s dark sides are the most important things about them. That people are either good people or bad people and that the former need to be protected from the latter at all costs.

How could anyone see this show as being about Dexter’s little darkly comic adventures and the way he forges his own deadly brand of justice, and not about how his entire life, and that of everyone he becomes important to, is just one sad, devastating story after another????

[amaranthsynthesis]

1 and 30 for Durge ask meme ~ LordGoretash

love the signature on the anonymous asks I always get a kick out of this

(questions from here)

What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

Ballard's first 'urge', the foster family slaughter we get the flashback of, is from when he was six or seven years old. He was literally just a baby, and he was kind of a difficult kid--he didn't learn to speak for a long time (he knew, he just did not want to, so no one figured out he could for ages) and he did not, as few children do, have a lot of coping mechanisms to his name. He threw a lot of tantrums, and one of them ended up with a body count of like a dozen, since no one was really anticipating the whole 'murderous child of Bhaal' thing to be an issue for another few years at least. A lot of noncombatants, but not entirely servants or slaves--a few actual ranking house members and soldiers were among the dead as well.

The matron mother had her thoughts about how Ballard's training was going to go, but the plans were adjusted and escalated rapidly. Since the issue, as far as she could determine, was one of self-control, Ballard needed training in a class that was focused on discipline. Self-regulation and meditation would help make sure he (and everyone around him) survived long enough to enact Bhaal's world-ending plans. So she had a monk brought in, an older tiefling woman from the surface they had some trade with, and she organized Ballard's training. She could not remain in the underdark permanently, and her weeks teaching Ballard were punctuated by months away where she left him 'homework' and forms to study in her absence, but the training itself as well as the solitude suited Ballard well and he grew into it easily. He struggled still with his temper, and was only trained with his fists and a staff for a decade or so, but it made his life immensely less stressful.

His teacher was a monk of the Open Hand, but she pegged him for the Way of Shadows basically immediately. Between his home environment and his quiet, watchful nature, it made a great deal of sense--though the tiefling wasn't made aware that her pupil was Bhaalspawn, and that the skills of an assassin would prove invaluable.

30. What are your Dark Urge’s intentions/goals after the end of the game?

This is a great question because I, Finn, do not know. My PC struggles with Act 3 and I am a bit overwhelmed by all of the content, so I've not finished a playthrough or made firm decisions about the end of Ballard's personal storyline! So disclaimer, all of the below is speculation and therefor subject to change.

Ballard wants to help solve his friends problems. From his perspective, this involves most of them seizing the power that was used to hurt them in the past so that it cannot be used to do so again. He's supportive of Gale using the crown, and Astarion using the ritual, and though Shadowheart did not end up killing the Nightsong he SUPER thinks they should just kill everyone in the House of Grief so they can't come after he later. He's currently in contention with Wyll about rescuing his father from the Iron Throne, with Karlach about allying with Gortash again, and with Lae'zel because he can't decide if he mistrusts the Emperor or Orpheus more and will not commit to raiding Raphael's. Shit's not going like.... great.

Ballard is torn in a hundred directions and doesn't know how the absolute crisis is going to turn out. He can't decide what he wants, if he is trying to redeem or better himself, if he should return to the purpose he was created for or reject his father entirely, if his new friends or old allies outweigh one another. If asked what he intends to do after, I don't think he'd have an answer. If asked what he hopes might come after... Ballard would still not have an answer, probably, but he hopes very dearly that he will not be alone in the end.

[shrimpmandan]

Hey! Sorry for bothering you, but I have a couple more questions in need of answers.

There's an interesting article I found: https://themeadowglade.com/what-it-means-to-romanticize-mental-illness/

I've done some research regarding romanticizing mental disorders, and the vast majority of articles I found are highly against romanticizing them. If romanticizing mental illnesses is harmful, why romanticizing things such as abuse or paraphilias isn't? Last time I checked, paraphilias are classified as mental disorders, too.

Secondly, I wanted to talk a little more about the recontextualization of trauma as a coping mechanism; you said it's beneficial to recontextualize your own traumatic events by "recreating" them in fiction and I agree with that. Do you as an abuse victim believe that it's offensive to romanticize someone else's trauma, and only you can do that to your own traumatic experiences? For example, it's okay for me to "rewrite" my own traumatic past in fiction by giving the character I insert myself into more power against a bully/abuser but it's wrong if I glorify someone else's traumatic experiences. I personally would be very offended and hurt if someone else glorified my trauma.

Sorry if this came off as aggressive! Being malicious isn't my intention, I'm genuinely curious about your point of view.

Not aggressive or a bother at all! Again, I love answering asks like this, so by all means, ask as many as you'd like.

And above all else? Yes, romanticizing mental health struggles CAN be harmful. Being mentally ill doesn't make someone more or less worthy than anyone else, so on a surface level, of course I agree with that sentiment. Actually reading the article though, a few things stood out to me. Specifically, the segment in the "horror and mental illness" section kind of bothers me.

On the one hand, I agree that mental illness does not inherently make someone violent. However, something I've never liked is the fact that it goes from "we shouldn't portray ALL mentally ill characters as violent", to "mentally ill characters can never be portrayed as violent because it's stigmatizing". My family's history of mental illness is rough. "Rough" as in my grandfather had schizophrenia, and he has committed murder over his delusions. His delusions and hallucinations were also a driving force of him abusing his children whenever he wasn't medicated. This does not mean all schizophrenics are violent, and they are far more likely to be victims of violence themselves, but should we not talk about people like my grandfather because they stigmatize other schizophrenics by proxy? Or talk about people like my mother who has a... LAUNDRY list of mental health problems, and has also historically struggled with violent outbursts? And of course this is ignoring the fact that the majority of infamous American serial killers such as Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy were often diagnosed as having personality disorders, mental health problems, and other unresolved issues as at least partial causes for their violent behaviors as well. Untreated mental illness-- a lack of a support group or anyone to listen especially-- can be deadly both for the sufferer and those around them in some instances. I don't like when the mentally ill are passively infantilized as harmless.

LONG tangent aside, I feel like this article kind of highlights my point from the previous ask, about how we assume that the people who romanticize the ugly parts of our world have never suffered through it themselves. I mean... I'm mentally ill and I love writing about violent mentally ill characters. I also have a soft spot for the whole "oh they fell in love and now they're all better" trope even for as painfully inaccurate as it is. Granted, having people in your life who care about you absolutely can improve your mental health, but rarely to the point that the example in this article presented. I relate to the violent outbursts of volatile mentally ill characters, and to the unrealistic expectation that someone will swoop in and "fix" you. It's comforting, for as much as I know that it's, of course, not real.

I think the rest of the article is pretty uninteresting, though. Not in the sense that it's wrong about things, more in the sense that this is stuff we already kind of 'know'. Mental illness isn't a desirable or honorable thing to have-- I'd argue it's not all bad either. It's neutral. It's just part of reality. And of course, the experiences between one mentally ill person will be vastly different from another's, and that diversity should be embraced, not shunned so that neurotypicals can find us easier to accept.

Onto the rest of the ask: you're both correct and incorrect that paraphilias are classed as mental disorders. The word "paraphilia" more or less just means "a fetish", and it is not inherently a mental disorder. What turns something into a paraphilic disorder is one or both things:

The paraphilia causes clinically significant distress to its possessor, or puts a strain on areas of their life.

The paraphilia requires a non-consenting party in order to be expressed.

I could say a lot and I mean a LOT about paraphilias, but in the interest of making this post not 25 paragraphs long, I'll just direct you to this post I made on the subject as it goes pretty in depth into paraphilias and paraphilic disorders. Like other disorders though, paraphilic disorders are a morally neutral thing on their own, and some paraphiles may take comfort in romanticization IF they can separate the reality from fantasy (i.e. that acting on nonconsensual urges is not okay, or that what is portrayed as consensual in fiction may not translate to real life).

Now onto my favorite part of the ask and something I sat on for a little while! The topic of "fetishizing MY trauma" is always something that utterly fascinates me-- because it's an extremely self-centered viewpoint to have. Lemme explain.

What I'd consider to be a fetishization or romanticization of my trauma would be if someone was listening to me vent. I've actually had this happen before-- I was venting to my mother about my groomer, and because she didn't really know how to respond, she started talking about how my groomer must've been irresistible because he was British (thus implying an accent). I'd never actually heard his voice granted, but it was still a romanticization of my trauma for her to have tried to make my groomer out to be sexually desirable, and that's something she later realized and apologized for.

What I do NOT consider romanticizing "my trauma" is for some rando on the internet who I know nothing about, and who doesn't know me in return, writes a fanfiction involving a fetishized portrayal of incest and COCSA, which I went through myself. It would be extremely self-centered of me for me to march into this stranger's space and demand they stop writing about something because I lived through it, because for starters, how the hell do I know that THEY haven't? Why am I assuming that this person is a malicious fetishizer and not a recontextualizer? And for that matter, why does it anger me so much that-- even if they didn't live through anything horrible-- that they're enjoying a fictionalized depiction of that abuse in their own little bubble? If I say it's bad because they're fetishizing abuse, then I'm a hypocrite because I have a rape kink. If I say it's bad because they're fetishizing "my" trauma, then I'm being a selfish brat and demanding random strangers cater to me. If I say it's bad just because "it's bad", then I don't have an argument to begin with.

I already talked about how a lot of people with rape kinks aren't necessarily rape victims as well. Would that count as fetishizing someone else's trauma? How about the fact that we romanticize death and violence-- is it disrespectful to murder victims and their families to find fictional serial killers hot? Is it disrespectful to CSA victims to be into lolisho or CGL? Are people who think kidnapping and forced marriages are hot fetishizing my mom's trauma because that happened to be what she went through? Hell, is it disrespectful to be into BDSM at all just because some people were horrifically traumatized by BDSM? I fail to see why "trauma" is being used as a replacement word for "abuse survivor", and why romanticizing certain forms of abuse is considered ostensibly worse than fetishizing murder, or fetishizing anything that could be POTENTIALLY traumatic to someone. In fact, on the topic of BDSM, that's actually a talking point used by radfems. That enjoying being hit during sex or enjoying being owned is disrespectful to (female) domestic violence victims, because you're fetishizing their trauma, or otherwise traumatizing yourself by being into it. Most people of course see that argument and go "no, that's fucking stupid", but then fail to apply it to other forms of fantasy and roleplay because we have a more visceral reaction to sexuality than we do to violence.

The long of the short of it is, is that you can't... "own" trauma. You can own your experiences, but you don't own the concept of being traumatized by sexual assault or by a car crash, and that doesn't mean other people are disrespecting YOU for having rape fetishes or... car crash fetishes (which yes, is a thing). They don't even know who you are, but there's this strong sense of entitlement of "well, I lived through this and it sucks, so why should YOU get to engage with it in a fun and lighthearted way where nobody gets hurt?" Maybe it's jealousy, both towards survivors who can engage with their trauma in fiction without being triggered by it, and towards people who weren't traumatized so they don't carry the baggage associated with heavier fetishes and fiction? And of course, all it leads to is creating an unsafe space for trauma victims, by forcing themselves to out themselves as victims to escape harassment-- only for them to most likely just have their trauma invalidated, denied, or even justified by people who are deeply bitter about the fact that someone else could move on where they couldn't.

Hopefully this all makes sense! I'm well aware that this is very very long.

[clay-cuttlefish]

Okay it's been like a week and I've been thinking about it the whole time so I want to pick apart some aspects of the Renee backup from Tec 1076.

First thing: it's 100% drawing from Reflections of the Heart, the Vic story Ram V wrote for Crimes of Passion. (I think this is what I said about it in my first post lol, it's not subtle.) Reflections of the Heart doesn't have my favourite characterization of Vic, but as a oneoff I like it a fair bit - it takes a lot of elements from the 2005 mini and makes something more interesting out of them, and it's only eight pages long and clearly out of continuity so I don't mind that it's completely its own thing.

This inspiration's less fitting for Renee, though, since she doesn't have the history of being magical or an objectivist asshole. I hope it doesn't influence her characterization in Tec proper too much.

I really like that Renee's working through her issues with being disconnected from her role as the Question, and the acknowledgement that she uses it as a coping mechanism to some extent.

That being said, trying to engage with that would be more effective if she was not Being A Cop at the same time. The aspects of her coping with alcoholism and acting on an instinctual curiosity are undercut by it being about "red tape", which fucking sucks, and the bad guy being a random murderer means this really isn't a problem that she needed to be the Question to solve.

It's trying to reconcile her status in current continuity with her as the Question, and I get that she's been around enough that they want to explain her development beyond "she's not a cop anymore", but if you're doing an actual Question story you have to be further away from the cop shit. Have her expose corruption or fight someone but not arrest them or draw on the queer metaphor from Reflections of the Heart or something.

The story being shaky isn't the end of the world, though. It definitely detracts thematically, but this is setup for whatever Renee's going to be up to in the main story.

I'm a huge fan of how Renee is drawn in this, and the colouring work is excellent, especially the more abstract sections. Also: love seeing the closeup gas release, it's an iconic panel, even without the full transformation sequence I think it's worth showing her suit up.

If this is the leadup to her quitting, it's a move in the right direction. The cop elements are bad in the normal way that all of her appearances since Lois Lane ended have been bad, and Ram V's been writing a banger so far in the main story, so this could be an excellent launching point for her to do all kinds of cool shit. The ingredients are there. I see the possibilities. Please don't let me down by having this be the peak.

[thefamilyeldritchabomination]

Chapter Sixteen: Music Pt. 3

“Look, about earlier, that was my first one after a concerning streak of not being able to do so as a leisure activity. I didn’t feel the joy I normally would with such an activity, but I did feel rage though when he came running at you. No offense, but you're absolutely too gentle for that sort of thing and I simply had to protect you, you’re welcome.” Envy began in one go as they sipped a bit more of the cognac. ‘Oh but the deer would greatly disagree with you on the too gentle part.’ Dolly thought to herself as she poured a bit of her kirsch into the glass to sip, listening along to the ramble.

 “I guess what I’m saying is that, I would rather not have you in combat just yet, maybe some practice sparring with me alone, but other than that, no fighting for you for a long time. You’re definitely a lot easier for me to work with unlike the one month old. Damn it, I’m still trying to stop feeling sick around the one month old, even after tossing that little bag of organs to him to care for. I thought that sick feeling would go away after doing that, but it’s still creeping around me.” Envy felt ready to kick their own ass after briefly opening up like that. “Envy…I think that sick feeling you’re getting might be guilt, which is a good thing, I guess…” Dolly was surprised that Envy could in fact feel guilt given their history of stunted emotional growth. “Me? Feel guilty? Don’t be weird with me Dolly, I can’t feel guilty after following through an order, it’s my job. I have to follow through with it no matter what without care about the consequences afterwards. It’d be a sign of weakness otherwise.” Envy went into full denial mode over the possibility of character growth in the right direction, it was never in their nature for sure.

 “That’s not a weakness though, Envy, that means that you’re becoming a better person. Sure the gifting Hughes a kid was an odd one, but that was a step towards the right direction. You’re attempting to make some form of amendment.” Dolly looked at the situation as the right time to direct Envy into that positive direction with hopes that they maybe could become less of a murder gremlin.

 “You’re too cute for your own good, you know that?” Envy murmured before burying their face into the table, wanting to crawl into a hole for a decent amount of time.

 “Is that why you hugged me earlier?” Dolly in typical apex predator nature went in for the metaphorical kill upon asking that question.

 “....Yes…” Envy started getting green and scaly around the face upon realizing that cover-up half truth made it all the more worse when it came out.

 “Oh shit..hey it’s alright, let’s just calm down and not turn green out in public.. Here, how about you try some of my kirsche? I think you’d like it a lot.” Dolly went to pour some of the kirsch into Envy’s glass to try out.

 Envy stared into the deep void of their existence as the glass of kirsche was placed before them. Never once during their time on the dirt ball had Envy ever had someone share something with them. It was something they never thought would happen to them before. Slowly, Envy took the glass and began sipping a little bit of the liquor. The greenness and small dotting of scales started to recede, returning Envy to looking human rather than an escaped Alchemy experiment gone wrong. Dolly relaxed a bit that Envy had calmed down and avoided having to deal with panicked humans in a confined space. Sure there was that chance Envy would go on a therapeutic murder spree as their coping mechanism, but it was still progress towards Envy being less horrific than they usually are. The table was silent for a moment, waiting for the roasted flesh of duck to be brought before them. Envy giving a side glance, slowly filled Dolly's glass with the cognac in return for sharing some of the kirsche with them. 

 “Thank you Envy, it was very nice of you to share your cognac with me.” Dolly gave that warm smile as she tried the cognac out.

 “Whatever, you gave me some of the kirsche, so I returned the favor. I do suppose I can explore the ridiculous possibility of me feeling guilty over a small trivial matter.” Envy felt successful in their recovery over having someone share things with them despite just doing that themself.

 “That’s good to know, I’m pretty proud of your Envy that you’re going to explore that emotion on your own.” Dolly said as she smiled to reassure Envy of how well they’re doing comparatively.

 “So far I’ve learned that emotions are the worst things imaginable and they don’t come with a proper pamphlet.” Envy turned their nose up a bit at the fact their emotional growth so far had been the worst thing possible to their usual little comfortable hatred cloud.

 “True, emotions are difficult at times, but so far I think you’re doing pretty good, you even stopped using Freddy as an emotional whipping boy which is big progress right there.” Dolly gave a hopeful look to Envy for their growth and lack of Freddy torture.

 “Well of course I’m doing good, I’m the first homunculus, I can master emotions easily.” Envy puffed out their chest as they gave that little boast.

“Yes you are, you’re gonna master those emotions like a champion.” Dolly said confidently, figuring this was the best route for Envy to go with at this point.

 “Damn straight I’m the champion.” Envy proudly said as the duck made its landing on the table.

 The aroma of the roasted duck silenced both Envy and Dolly as they stared down that delicious poultry, picking which part of the duck to place on their dishes. The dish was sweet and savory as the two enjoyed it with a side of this bacon riesling orzo. Envy was finally fully calm after the day’s event earlier and being made to confront their own unwanted emotional growth. To Envy, duck was the comfort meat to enjoy after a nauseating day they had as they went for the orzo. It was the perfect distraction to the main event to come as Envy went in for seconds of the meal. Dolly, likewise, was enjoying the meal and forgot about the fact she was pretty much paying for the entire dinner course with Envy. There was the added bonus of not having to deal with bickering at the table which Dolly enjoyed much more. Though, in the back of Dolly’s mind, she was certain Freddy was ordering up curry to spite everyone involved.

 “Thinking about the Face Fur?” Envy paused in their meal as they noticed Dolly’s expression shift a bit.

 “Good guess, yeah I’m a bit concerned about Freddy. He’ll likely order up curry as a retaliation, so please be prepared for that one.” Dolly admitted as she too took a pause in the meal to chat.

 “You’re joking, he’s not stupid enough to pull that with us, we’re not like the weaklings Greed has.” Envy scoffed a bit at the notion that Freddy would be so stupid to do something like that around someone like them. “Envy, Freddy was the one to call that man a DILF out in public and caused the kidnapping scenario.” Dolly gently reminded, knowing just how far Freddy might go with the retaliation. “..Fair enough, Face Fur can be dumb enough to pull that.” Envy half near facepalmed at the realization that Freddy indeed was likely running on two and a half brain cells.

 “If he does, would you like to just watch the night skyline with me to avoid the toxic gasses that I’m sure will come.” Dolly said, thinking the offer would be sufficient to avoid a full on brawl in the hotel room.

 “That I would be more than interested in, we’re bringing Dorian along with us for that.” Envy made a point to get Dorian out of the room seeing as Dorian was the favorite.

 “Of course we’re bringing Dorian along, he shouldn’t be left to suffer the toxic gas cloud.” Dolly had to agree, Dorian didn’t deserve to suffer a toxic green cloud.

 “Now that has been dealt with, think the Face Fur is getting any closer to creating that stone for us?” Envy asked, feeling like it was a good time to ease Dolly into the fact a Coup de Grace was going to happen pretty soon. “I don’t know, Freddy’s been testing so many things to create the stone with what information he was given. Freddy was upset that I wouldn’t let him feed Dorian the failed stones.” Dolly tried to think of something else to avoid the mental images of the failed stones. “Seriously, he tried to feed the failed stones to Dorian? I’ll be honest with you and say I really don’t care about the stone, especially with how things have gone down lately with our benefactor. If the stone is made, I want you to know that it’ll likely be used as bait for something big. When it does happen, you’re going to have to take Dorian, leave with Lust and Gluttony.” Envy went in to rip the proverbial bandage off in one swoop, catching Dolly fully off guard with the first mention of the plans. “Envy, what are you planning? I’m concerned now.” Dolly’s attention was fully on Envy now and fully concerned with where it was going. “Let’s just say I’ve taken your earlier advice about Dante very seriously and decided that was the best route to take.” Envy casually said as if it were just agreeing to a car color that they couldn’t settle on earlier. “Didn’t you say Dante was stupidly strong? Shouldn’t you want help with tackling her?” Dolly was looking at Envy as if they basically said ‘I’m gonna ride this unicycle into a gator pit for laughs’. “We’ll be having a meeting with Greed and his little sideshow to help me out. As for Lust and Gluttony, they’re way too weak. While yes, Lust can kill, I don’t think she would be able to handle the mind games Dante is capable of. I don’t want to lose either of them to Dante, so you’re going with them and Dorian to an undisclosed location until the matter has been settled.” Envy decided to reassure Dolly that the Coup de Grace will go smoothly and nothing truly terrible will happen, just simple business as per usual.

[ashesandhackles]

Deconstructing Harry: The boy we meet in Philosopher's Stone to the man in Deathly Hallows

I have often seen fans talk about how nebulous Harry is as a character, especially in the earlier books. They can't make sense of who he is as a character and other more colourful, more actualized personalities take over our attention from any traits Harry might display. Harry becomes more defined for a lot of people OOTP onwards where he displays traits that sometimes make him unbearable or unlikable.

Harry, as we are introduced in PS, has a very little sense of self. He is narratively self deprecating or plays down his presence or skills, not that he is aware he has any. He grew up without any presence of him displayed in the house - no photos, no idea about his parents or what they look like or what really happened to them and discouraged from asking questions. Harry as we meet him is neglected, rootless about his identity and longs for escape. For him, every day is a battle against Dudley, who bullies him or Vernon, thus setting a worldview that never truly goes away: him vs adults. But just because Harry doesn't attach traits or values to self, does not mean he does not have it.

It's an effective narrative tool though - for Harry to be our eyes of the world. Only in later re-readings can we get a grasp of the traits that become more pronounced as books go on. Also, it's not surprising that Harry develops a better sense of self when he is removed from an abusive home.

Let me begin with this:

1. Harry is a fighter

One of the things that struck me in later re-readings is that how much of a fighter Harry is, from the very beginning. He will not lie down and take abuse. The narrative presents it as no big deal, because Harry doesn't assign any importance to it - it's every day life for him.

-Verbal standing up-

See his reaction to Uncle Vernon and the letter fiasco. He stands up for himself, even if it falls on deaf ears. "I want my letter - as it is mine!". Later on, in the same book, a completely befuddled 11 year old Harry stands up to Snape too, but in a politer way: "I think Hermione knows the answer. Why don't you try her?". He gets less polite with Snape as books go on. Harry's humor is something he employs liberally with Dudley when standing up to him - "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick" and we see this trait manifest into the sass we all know and love.

- Fight or flight-

He is remarkably good at "fighting himself out of tight corners" as Snape put it. And although Snape attributes it to luck and more talented friends, he is onto something about Harry's ability to worm out of tight corners. He lives moment to moment in a dangerous situation - relying on his nerve, very fast reflexes and athleticism. He is also able to notice things in an environment that will get him out of a quick pinch. You see this clearly in Department of Mysteries in Book 5 where he comes up with the idea to smash shelves, the mad idea to escape on a dragon, the ministry escape where he manipulates Runcorn's image (as he noticed how people were reacting to him) to create chaos and get the Muggleborns and the trio out, Chamber of Secrets when he instinctively understood the diary is the source of power and stabbed it.

Where does the athleticism and ability to spot dangerous situation come from? This boy has spent a decade cheeking Dudley and running away from his gang, spotting when he needs to get out of the way as "long experience had told him to be out of Uncle Vernon's arms reach" or "ducking when Aunt Petunia aimed a frying pan at his head". The instinct to see a dangerous situation develops over the course of the books in his adventures - to the point Harry unconsciously brings out his wand in Tottenham road without thinking too much about it. He is almost always wary and less quick to lower his wand.

When hiding/ escaping is not an option, Harry is not above physical fighting - despite how small and skinny he is in Book 1. Both he and Dudley fight for a chance to listen at the door when letter first arrives for Harry. Dudley wins the fight. Later on, Harry jumps Uncle Vernon from behind and hangs on to his neck to get his letter. He even does the same thing to the troll in the same book. ( Then over the course of series, we see him beat up Sirius in Book 3, Malfoy in Book 5, strangle Mundungus in Book 6 - all of these are related to his fury over the dead, so different context. But still).

- Manipulation/ Cunning-

11 year old Harry even tries sneakily - waking up early to get his letter (unfortunately didn't work). The other sneaky methods he has employed throughout the series is - not telling Dursleys at end of PS that he is not allowed magic at home, threatens Dudley with it in COS, not telling them Sirius is innocent to play up the threat of a murderous godfather to keep them accountable, and also the smooth way he negotiates with Uncle Vernon for Hogsmeade letter. ("Well it will be hard work, pretending to aunt Marge that I go to St Whatsits" ,"Knocking the stuffing out of me won't make Aunt Marge forget what I could tell her"). He similarly displays his negotiation and playing to what he knows about people with Slughorn in Book 6, Pettigrew in Book 7.

The scene with Slughorn is disturbing, with Harry coercing a drunk Slughorn to give up his memory. You can argue that this is the influence of Felix Felicis, but I think the potion acted more as facilitation. The disturbing way Harry brings up his mother's murder to unnerve Slughorn is his own doing. ("Voldemort stepped over my father's body towards mum" "I forgot - you liked her, didn't you?"). Again, in a life threatening situation, Harry plays to Pettigrew's latent guilt: "You are going to kill me? After I saved your life? You owe me Wormtail!"

2. Relational justice over abstract justice

Harry's concept of justice is relational and based on his high empathy for the underdog. He notices power dynamic in a situation and empathises with the victim. This is in contrast to Hermione, who has more abstract, bigger picture view of justice. It's no wonder that Hermione is the one who is the most political of the three.

His high empathy for the underdog and needing to stand up for them is because he feels responsiblility that no one should go through what he went through. He stands up for Neville in PS and encourages him to stand up for himself. When he sees his father bullying Snape, it is not about an abstract "this is wrong behavior". Harry goes further: "Harry knew what it felt like to be taunted among a circle of onlookers" , Harry focuses on young Snape's mismatched clothes because he himself knows what it's like to wear clothes that are not yours or ones that make you look ridiculous. His empathy extends to Voldemort too - understanding why he may not want to go back to his orphanage and desire to be in Hogwarts, wondering why Merope wouldn't stay alive for her son, his fixation with Voldemort's maimed soul in King's Cross chapter and later asking Voldemort to feel remorse (" I have seen what you will become otherwise"). Even his reaction to Dobby in COS - "Can't anyone help you? Can't I?" when Dobby talks about his slavery. Hermione is usually seeing the bigger picture, Harry sees the individual.

3. Pathological mistrust of adults

He is less likely of the trio to take an adult at their words or be assured by them when they say they are taking care of things. He has learnt, from a very young age, that he is always expected to take care of himself. And the times he does take things to adult, they consistently disappoint him - by patronising him or acting like he is a child, neither of which he has tolerance for or appreciates. This is why he takes to Sirius and Lupin, who exhibit neither of these communication patterns. In some ways, Mr Weasley too.

Umbridge's abuse of him for him is framed as a battle of wills between her and him, as if he is an equal. And he loses if he complains - "not giving her a satisfaction of knowing she got to me". Harry's worldview has always been - adult vs him.

His inability to trust adults even extends to the ability of adults he likes to look after themselves. While Sirius is understandably a wreck in OOTP, he has by and large followed Dumbledore's orders. This doesn't register with Harry (Ron points it out: "Sirius listens to Dumbledore even though he doesn't like what he hears") and Harry's fears about Sirius, excaberated by Sirius's tendency for recklessness, comes to play.

He even showed similar distrust in Lupin's judgement in taking a potion from Snape in POA ("Harry felt the urge to knock the goblet out of Lupin's hands" and tries to hint at Lupin that Snape will "do anything" for DADA job). And he shows this once again with the most magically powerful wizard he knows - Dumbledore. ("if I tell you to abandon me and save yourself, you must do so". Dumbledore has to insist on this before Harry nods reluctantly. It's also Dumbledore's wording, but this is a wizard Harry feels safe with almost entirely because of his power - and yet Harry cannot obey an order like this without reluctance). It's not about Harry's own ability to take care of them - he just innately cannot leave people to it.

4. Humor as a value and coping mechanism

Harry has an established coping mechanism by the time we are introduced to him - quip in the face of danger/ dark humor. There are repeated instances of Harry amusing himself with snarky comments in his head when things are really bad for him. Like in PS, when they are in the hut, Harry wonders if the roof will fall in and then thought that if it did fall in, he might be warmer. In the earlier books (before his growth), he seems to value Ron over Hermione simply because he is more "fun". Harry enjoys being around funny people like Ron, Weasley twins, later Ginny simply because there is some dark stuff happening with him and he needs "fun" people for semblance of normalcy, escape. In fact, this desire is so strong, he attaches it to his romantic relationships: Ginny is a "blissful oblivion" and times with her are "something out of someone else's life". His relationship with Cho failed because her coping mechanism is discussing her trauma and Harry's is escaping it.

-dealing with conflict with people he likes, small digression-

A part of his growing up in later books includes valuing Hermione as much he values Ron and we see it in display in HBP, where he is more willing to stand up for her to Ron (something he kind of did more quietly before in POA - "can't you give her a break?" ) and also get confrontational with her instead of using Ron as a buffer between them to fend off her more boisterous/ bossy tendencies. ("let him make up his mind" "skip the lecture" "don't nag" - Ron took the heat in earlier books. In HBP, Harry is more willing to be irritable with her in a day-to-day interaction - "I hope you enjoy yourself" he tells Hermione when she states her intention to investigate Half Blood Prince. Or when she tests the book - "Finished? Or do you want to see if it does backflips?" "Do you have rub it in Hermione, how do you think I feel now?" at the end of HBP. ) In OOTP, his best method to deal with her when she bothers him was lying, avoiding her nagging and if that doesn't work, explode and treat her to display of his temper. There is more to explore here, of course - even with regard to how he deals with Mrs Weasley in Book 4, 5 and the difference of him hugging her in Book 7.

5. Fascination with the dead/ a passive death wish

Harry feels remarkably little sense of betrayal knowing that he was set up to die by Dumbledore. His self sacrificing streak is rooted in his love, yes, but I also think Harry is a little bit too fascinated by death, not surprising considering most people he loved are dead. Him wanting the resurrection stone in DH, him obsessively spending time at Mirror of Erised (to the point he feels feverish and Ron thinking he looks strange) until Dumbledore stops him, him almost wanting to fail to learn a Patronus because he wants to hear his parents voice, the hearing of whispering voices in the Veil in OOTP which only Luna could hear apart from him, the scene at the grave where he almost wishes he was "lying under the snow" with his parents, the possession scene in the book of OOTP has him wishing to die so he can be with Sirius. You can almost argue the Harry has, in many moments, shown raw desire of death. In fact, him choosing to let go of the stone and not go looking for it is a big character decision for him.

I also want to address Harry's temper and how that develops over course of series, the implications of understanding the people he loved and put on pedestal are flawed - but I am afraid this post is already way too long. So I will leave that for some time later.

[fkevin073]

k, so after reading that article on how ziggy tried (literally a week after getting murdered) to get the truth out there, what do you think happened? did she keep trying? did she stop on her own or do you think there was a supernatural hand at play? i'm just wondering how she ends up like she does in 94. which also makes me wonder, what was ziggy waiting for do you think? she keeps track of the days since she lost cindy, she has a knife, but shes not actively looking for the witch or a way to end the curse either :(

hmm this is a super interesting question, apologies for the ramble I'm sure is about to happen :)

Well, I think people quite quickly stopped giving her the time of day beyond attending to her injuries. I think Nick (or the pact especially) gave off the vibes of leave her alone, she's clearly traumatized and needs to heal. It's probably why there weren't more headlines about her. Nick was like don't go offering her interviews, though I'm sure he framed it as more about concern for her state of mind or whatever.

Though I do think those articles must have been suppressed in some way because if Mary had seen them, would she not have contacted Ziggy? Maybe she was imprisoned or otherwise incapacitated for trying to kill Tommy. Personally I think they let her go after the massacre bc well she almost prevented 12 little kids from getting murdered.

But, quite truthfully, I don't think Ziggy was really fighting to get the truth out there after the first few weeks. The main reason I think that is Nick's betrayal. Like not only has she lost her sister, but the one person she thought would believe her (a person she liked/cared about a lot, no less) turned his back on her. Called her crazy and gaslit the hell out of her, probably (again, I don't understand how Mary didn't at least try and reach out after finding out Ziggy survived because of their close relationship beforehand, but let's ignore that). I think Nick refusing to stand by her or even say he believed her in private kind of broke whatever fight or spirit she had left. Cindy is dead. Her father is gone and otherwise absent. They're broke (though I'm sure they *mysteriously* inherited some money or some town council gave them enough cash to prevent a lawsuit) and her mom is a drunk. Ziggy quite literally has no one.

After realizing that, and that Cindy died for nothing, I think Ziggy kind of shut down and I mean who could blame her for that? I think the supernatural was at play in covering up Nick/the devil's tracks so there was no credibility to her story at all. Like Gary's body? mysteriously by his head. Arnie's? in the woods a little outside camp. A bloody knife was found with Tommy's fingerprints. That sort of thing. So even if we know as an audience that things don't add up because of what we saw, the devil would simply distort the truth.

Maybe for a while Ziggy does believe she was crazy, but she fights to hang onto the truth/her sanity, even if it means she's alone. I definitely believe Nick tried to reach out to her at least a few times (definitely in the hospital) but as we know she rejected him. I think he makes sure that the pact reflects what she wants, which is anonymity and isolation. She seems pretty hopeless about the curse ever ending, so she has no hope of things changing at all. I think a combination of all these factors is what shapes her character by the time we see her in 1994.

As to what Ziggy is waiting for - maybe she's concerned that Sarah Fier will send the killers after her? I mean it's not off the table, even if she doesn't bleed on the bone again, she did see her. Ziggy probably lived every day in fear that she'd look in the mirror and the milkman would be right behind her. I think counting down the days after she lost Cindy is also a common coping mechanism when dealing with trauma, so there's that. It might help her retain her sanity. I definitely think Ziggy almost gave in and called Nick once or twice and was like yeah you're right I did imagine everything but she talks herself down each time. Reminds herself that what she saw was real. That it did happen.

When no one else believes you about something, it's hard to stick to your guns, right?

I think Ziggy just wanted to defend herself and feel like she has some measure of autonomy. Maybe she even worried that Sarah Fier would try and possess her as punishment? Maybe a few people tried to break into her house after Nightwing to spook her out or take pictures of the sole shadyside survivor?

As for Ziggy not trying to end the curse, she could have very well thought that the body disappeared or something because it wasn't under the hanging tree. After all, no one knew where it was. Deena and Sam stumbled onto it by accident. She probably wouldn't even know where to start looking for it, and tbh I think she'd be too terrified/paranoid to try and do it on her own because of her PTSD.

anyway, I hope this answers at least some of your question. Let me know your thoughts! 💜

[kuronekonerochan]

Hi...how are you? If you don't mind me asking what are your top 5 favorite danmei novels (until now)? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

Hi, sorry for being slow at answering!

In no particular order:

Ok, so I liked the 3 from MXTX:

 - Grandmaster of Diabolic Cultivation/ Mo Dao Zu Shi 

This one I loved but it has a particular style that ppl might not like in that it feels jumpy, confusing and with information gaps while reading, even though eventually everything that matters does end up being explained...in other works this would probably be just lazy writing, but here it is clearly an intentional choice bc 1) she doesn’t do this in her other novels 2) this is in WWX’s pov and dude has heavy ptsd and adhd, plus he tends to pretend to take everything lightly as a coping mechanisms...all this put together and it’s easy to understand why the story has such an unreliable narrator that even the other characters constantly point it out. I ended up loving this extra layer of storytelling.

 - Heaven Official’s Blessings/ Tian Guan Ci Fu

If you’re in the mood for a saga type long ass novel with a ton of interesting side stories and side characters with a main character who is a true cinnamon bun in sweet romance with a side dish of sweet sweet aaaangst.

- Scum Villains Self Saving System

The most entertaining out of all of them. It manages to be a parody of two genres, both danmeis and wuia/jianghu harem het novels (fighter of destiny style) with OP leads, while also being its own cute and funny story with a heart to it.

From other authors:

 - Meatbun’s 2ha/ Dumb Husky and his White Cat Shizun 

What if someone took a look at the parody that is SVSSS and said...”no, you know what? This really deserves to be an epic, long ass, and I mean, topping old classics’ length novel packed with angst, filled with pain and topped with despair...and then we’re sprinkling some funfetti on top to fool y’all”...and you know what? that’s some good cake. (If you’re into cdramas SVSSS is to 2ha what The Romance of Tiger and Rose is to Goodbye My Princess).

- Priest’s Sha Po Lang:

Steampunk China plus creepy voodoo tribal ritual magic, involved in internal and external wars over petrol (with a different name) and with our leads in Iron Man suits, fighting, among other enemies hot young(er) hands on, on the field, western troop General, the Pope, that I can only visualize in my head as Jude Law. I tell you all of this nonsense just to say that instead of the ridiculous fun this should be, it ends up being a very compelling romance with lots of scheming and heavy plot and some heartbreaking scenes.

- The Golden Stage:

This is a court drama type novel with friends-to-rivals-to-lovers that is just the right length and compelling with not too many plot twists but two main characters who are really great both individually and together and this is the one out of all in the list I feel like re reading the most. It really is a solid read and I feel like I’m selling it short, bc it really is good. It is similar to Sha Po Lang and To Rule in a Turbulent World, a simpler version of those but not worse for it.

(Since you said top 5 and I’ve said 6, I regretfully cut down Heaven Official’s Blessing bc even though I love it, unlike MDZS or SVSSS, it didn’t feel like a standalone novel because some of the several storylines of the side characters that I loved were left open ended (although the main characters had a complete story arc), as if this book was supposed to be the first of a series and those characters would have their own spinoff books where I’d know where their story took them...except this really is a standalone, and so the lack of resolution bothers me).

>> Honorable Mentions:

- To Rule in a Turbulent World

This one doesn’t go in the top 5 list yet bc it’s not fully translated, last time I checked (tho it’s very near the end). As an ongoing novel, I adore it. If the ending isn’t terrible it might be in my top 3. It’s similar to the two above in plotlines but it has a quality to it that it takes care to make every character in it multidimensional. There are no good and bad characters, even the ones on the opposite side are given something that makes them relatable and human. Plus, the characters all change throughout the novel, most of all the protagonists and the novel gives itself breathing time between events where you just chill with the characters and learn about random things like agricultural practices. 

- The Wife Is First

This one is just that light fluff feel good one that is great to pick up from time to time since it’s on going. Dumb Jock husband did everything wrong in his first life, gets a re-do and from then on it’s adorable respect the spouse juice and awe of said spouse smarts. Cute. Also, there’s a baby pet tiger.

>> Others I did like, just not in the top 5:

 -Faraway Wanderers and Lord Seventh/Qi Ye by Priest:

Qi Ye is similar to To Rule in A Turbulent World/The Golden Stage/Sha Po Lang. I really liked it still, just a tiny bit less than these. Since it’s the same author as SPL and I think it was written earlier, I have to say, the writing only got better.

Faraway Wanderers is a short read, but you’re only gonna like it if you’re ok with amoral main characters (I guess that is true for many on this list but it’s more obvious in this one bc the novel and the characters are unapologetic about it).

- YuWu by Meatbun - Still reading it, but is isn’t grabbing me like 2ha did.

>> I assumed you only wanted danmeis as in period fantasy bl novels, but if we go modern, fantasy or not:

 - Silent Readings by Priest:

I love crime fiction novels (love Ding Mo’s novels) and this is that type of conspiracy, murder novel with smart criminals and smart investigators. Little romance, but still there.

 - Guardian by Priest: 

Priest is hilarious and except the last part that gets a bit heavy on the lore this is just a joy to read. Also pretty short.

- Advance Bravely:

I read it a long time ago and it’s okayish, with some cute and some weird, problematic characters. 

- Addicted/ Heroin:

Also read it (this is 2 books) ages ago...and this one is NOT cute. It starts out as a pretty normal, but kind of toxic very typical oldschool drama/manga romance right down to the step brothers’ trope....and then it keeps escalating to new levels of WTF am I reading?!! All I have to say for this one is, that while I cannot recommend it per se, nor say it’s good, the title really is fitting, bc it is addictive as f.

[imtryingmybeskar]

Day Thirty One of Steph's Christmas Writing Challenge! Thank you so much to all who came on this journey with me! It's been extremely challenging at times but I've loved every moment! And I was only late twice. That's some sort of record for me.

Part Two to yesterday's challenge. Dave York X F!Reader. 18+only! Warnings for violence, blood, injury, kidnapping, allusions to murder, a little smut via masturbation. Probably should point out the unhealthy coping mechanisms that are all over the place here too 😬 Word count: 3975.

Disclaimer: I don't know anything about how chloroform works.

New Year's Kiss/New Year's Day

Dave woke up extremely early and achingly hard. Worse than usual. The memory of your pretty little mouth on his, along with the swell of the top of your breast that he had caught sight of under your robe as you leaned in to kiss him had affected him far more than he thought it would. He had showered before bed to calm down, but his dreams had been full of your beautiful, big eyes under him, their sorrow replaced with fire and pleasure as he fucked you. And now he was already palming himself through his boxers, though he was still half asleep. He pulled them down roughly over the top of his thighs, just enough to release his dick and balls from their confinement. That pretty mouth. He'd love to slip into it again. First with his tongue, then with his fingers and then with his cock. Your tongue running over his length, swirling over his tip, licking up every drop of him...He grasped himself firmly and began to shake himself in earnest. Part of him knew this was so wrong. You were under his care. He had only just met you. But whether it was some primal over-protective instinct kicking in, or the fact that he had thought you beautiful from all the way across the club, or even because he had been all work and no play for months now, he couldn't stop the thoughts spiralling through his mind. You - on your knees with his cock so far down your throat that you were choking around it, you - straddling him, your tits in his face as you bounced up and down, you - crowded back against a wall as he hitched your skirt up, delighting in your lack of underwear as he pulled himself from his own and plunged into your slick, tight heat over and over...He came unexpectedly swiftly with a strangled gasp, spilling through his fingers and pattering on to his stomach and the coarse hair at his groin. He sighed as the orgasmic glow faded and he was faced with reality once again. Shit.

Dave York prided himself on being a smart man. He was an excellent CIA operative, even now with his...extracurricular activities humming along in the background. He had made a decision about a year ago to take on certain jobs off the record. Nothing too dramatic, no one too important. Just making some extra money by deploying his skills in very targeted and specific ways. He was a weapon, aimed by shadowy people who paid him for his abilities. Including the ability to not ask questions beyond what was strictly necessary to complete his mission. But this...for some reason this was different.

He hadn't lied to you, or at least he had told you as much of the truth as you could have handled the previous night. He was here to gather intelligence. Your boyfriend might well provide him with the name of some low level drug dealer should he apply the right amount of pressure in the right place. But Dave found himself caring less about that and more about you. And about giving you what you had asked for - that is to have the asshole out of your life forever. He had acted...rashly the previous night. Not only when he had given in to the kiss you had bestowed upon him, but also several hours before when he had seen you cowering on the floor and heard him call you a bitch.

He had lost his temper.

The thing about Dave's temper was that it was like an iceberg - chilling, unstoppable, and most of it was hidden from view at any given time. And the thing about working for the CIA was that an array of tools that would be totally out of place otherwise could be readily at your disposal. As you had lain on the floor, flinching from blows that (thankfully) would never come, Dave had stepped noiselessly behind the asshole that had his fist up, ready to strike. Chloroform on a rag. Not original and certainly not elegant, but damned effective. The man struggled strongly, but only briefly before he went limp, and Dave quickly manhandled him into a hedge that lined the main road, out of sight to all. His mind was whirring as he went back to you and helped you up. He wouldn't have much time, but that was okay. Dave thrived on challenge and pressure. After he had offered you tea and you had accepted, he had sent you back into the club to retrieve your coat and to wait for him there in the warm, saying that his car was parked nearby and he wanted to make sure it was safe and secure before he departed with you. Which again, was as much of the truth as he was willing to part with at that precise moment. His heart had pained him at the look on your face - you had slipped into what he had thought of as "obedience mode" as your face went carefully blank, revealing nothing of what you thought or felt about his instruction. You had turned to obey him immediately, despite your recent trauma.

"Hey," he had said, gently catching your uninjured arm. "If you want me to come with you to get your stuff I will. I just need a moment." You had smiled wanly and shaken your head, assuring him that you were fine, though he could tell that you weren't. "I'll be five minutes," he said, looking into your eyes so you would know he meant what he said. You had flinched at the direct eye contact, but the smile you had given him afterward was a little stronger, and he had watched to make sure you were safe as you walked the few hundred yards back to the club. Once you were inside, he had pulled the asshole roughly from the hedge, not caring to protect him from the scratches that ensued. Dave placed his arm around his neck and half carried, half dragged him away - the very picture of a man helping his overly inebriated friend. When he reached his car, he looked around cautiously to ensure there were no witnesses, and thanked whomever might be out there both for the atrocious weather giving rise to no one being out at this time of night, and for this CCTV blind spot he had found. The asshole was dumped unceremoniously into his trunk, trussed up like a turkey and given another hastily measured dose of chloroform before he was gagged and blindfolded. Dave trusted that he would be passed out until the morning, and even if he woke up the car was soundproofed and in a relatively quiet location. He felt confident that he wouldn't be found. But it was a matter that was becoming more pressing as time went on and if he hadn't been so assured that it had been the right thing to do, Dave would have cursed his recklessness. It really wasn't like him at all.

If he was honest with himself, he had acted rashly even before that. Having spied his mark across the club, Dave had instead been instantly taken with the girl he was gripping by the waist. He had been there to observe only, but had found himself following as your boyfriend had dragged you to the men's toilets with strict instructions to not look or speak to anyone until he was back. You had obeyed, leaning against the wall with your hands behind your back and your eyes downcast to the plush plum carpet, and Dave had bristled that you could be talked to in such a way, treated so poorly. He had gone over to talk to you before he gave himself the chance to debate the wisdom of doing so.

"Hi," he had said, and when you had glanced up at him, he saw the flash of heat in your eyes when they landed upon him. A spark that even the abuse you were dealing with couldn't truly extinguish. He knew you found him attractive. A lot of women did. The difference was that this time he cared. "You enjoying yourself?" he asked, internally wincing a little at the banality of the question.

You had nodded eagerly at him, your eyes darting around nervously as you had shyly replied "Its a nice place."

"Nicer when you're not stuck outside the men's bathroom," he had joked, and had delighted in the genuine smile that had briefly shone from you. "I'm Dave," he said, holding out his hand. Before you could do or say anything, the asshole had returned, his bloodshot and drug dilated eyes sliding maliciously between you and Dave, judging and finding you wanting.

"Come on," he had barked, grabbing your upper arm and dragging you away. As Dave watched, his jaw clenched in building anger, the asshole moved his hand down to your wrist and yanked so hard that he heard your cry of pain from several yards away. He had followed you outside, his rage piqued and pointed directly at this disgusting bully in front of him.

The guy hadn't stood a chance.

By 07:00 Dave was on his way back to his car from the hotel. On a bus this time, to arouse less suspicion about his movements at this hour. Just another commuter unfortunate enough to be working when most others were still tucked up in bed. Though he had a feeling he was going to take pleasure in his work today. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Dave knew he liked killing. He actively enjoyed it. And he also knew it wasn't exactly right to feel this way. This particular suspicion about himself had grown from his earliest days in the CIA. But he had always kept firm boundaries in his mind. He had never killed for pleasure, never killed anyone outside of the scope of a mission, never killed anyone that his country (and now his other employers) didn't demand. Today marked the first time Dave York would kill for himself.

When he got back to his car, he was relieved to see that there were only a handful of other cars in the lot, and all of them were pretty far from where he was parked. No sound emerged from the trunk and Dave hoped his hasty calculations hadn't been in error and he hadn't killed the asshole already, or put him past the point of no return. But when he opened it up, there he was - still trussed, his heavy, drugged gaze trying desperately to focus on Dave's face, his leaden limbs not obeying him in the slightest. Dave gave a most unpleasant smirk and slammed the trunk again before getting behind the wheel. He had a vague idea of where he was headed. So much regeneration had gone on up and down the Thames in the past few decades - the detritus from centuries of industry wiped away and replaced by apartments that no ordinary person could ever hope to afford. This meant a lot of building sites, a lot of empty structures. So many places without CCTV, without visitors of any kind, so much that would be wiped away with the help of the demolition crews...Dave hummed to himself as he drove. An old U2 song, appropriate for the time of year and with sentiments he could get behind on your behalf.

"And we can break through,

Though torn in two,

We can be one.

I, I will begin again..."

An hour later, the asshole was tied to a chair in the bowels of an empty, solid-walled concrete structure somewhere near Woolwich, and Dave was observing him by the light of a small but powerful portable LED light, his head cocked to one side and his eyes narrowed.

"Did it make you feel good, to treat her that way?" he asked, genuinely curious as to what he would say, what possible excuse he could have. "Did you ever care about her?" Dave asked more softly, and the asshole looked up at him, terrified bemusement in his eyes. He had already made it very clear that shouting and screaming would get him nowhere. Dave wasn't keen on the ringing it caused in his ears, the concrete walls successfully muffled the noise, and there was no one around to hear him anyway. He hadn't listened of course, they never did. So Dave had hit him hard in the mouth - a more violent echo of what had been done to you the previous night - and now the asshole was down a couple of teeth and some blood for his disobedience.

"I...I don't...oh fuck, please, please don't kill me," he begged piteously through his semi-ruined lips. Dave sighed. He was so not interested in his pleading.

"Let me make something very clear to you," he declared, crouching in front of the chair so they were on a level. "Begging for your life won't make an iota of difference to what's going to happen. Nor will screaming, as we have already discussed. But perhaps answering my questions will." They both knew it was a lie. Of course they did. But still, a spark of hope flickered in the asshole's eyes, and the thought of extinguishing that hope sent a vicious and warm pleasure coursing through Dave's chest. He stood again, looming over the chair. "Why did you do it?" he asked again. "And," he added, holding up a warning finger, "if you lie to me, I will know and it will go badly for you. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. I want to hear the truth."

"I...she...I don't know," the asshole, said desperately. "I don't know!"

"You have five seconds to start answering my question, or I will start breaking your fingers," Dave threatened, in a bored tone of voice. "Five...four..."

"I...I...I don't know!" he spluttered again.

"Three...two..." As Dave moved behind the chair to grab his hand, he started blathering, saying anything that came into his head. Dave listened attentively.

"She was just always there! Always around! Getting under my feet, annoying the shit out of me. She hated it when I had a good time, couldn't bear to see me enjoy myself! She could never do anything right and when I tried to tell her she'd look at me like she was Mother Teresa and I was some shit she had wiped off her shoe. Always so fucking sanctimonious. Such a fucking buzzkill."

Dave moved back around the chair into the asshole's line of sight. "And you think smacking her around is a reasonable reaction to that? Why didn't you just break up with her?" He help up a hand before he could try to formulate a reply. "It's okay, you don't have to answer that one. You see, I know you. You think you're special because mommy and daddy have got the money to provide you with a penthouse suite and a coke habit, but you're not special at all. Because I've met you. Over and over and over. You kept her around because she was your acceptable face to the world. People thought better of you because you were with her. Because she's a good person. And even after you tried to beat her down and extinguish that light inside of her, it still shone through. And you hated it because you knew you could never be even a fraction of the person she is. So you tried even harder to drag her down to your level. And when that didn't work, you got mad and drank and snorted your way to oblivion and took your anger out on her even more. The cycle repeating, the spirals getting tighter and tighter with nowhere for her to run. So no, you never loved her, never cared about her. She was a punchbag, a thing to stick your dick into when you got bored. And you're going to break up with her. And never ever try to contact her in any way again. Do you understand?"

"Yes," the asshole said, a desperately relieved edge to his voice now he (mistakenly) thought that was all Dave wanted. "Yeah, man, I'll break up with her. I'll never see her again. Anything you want."

Dave brought a burner phone out of his pocket. He had got your number at the hotel the previous night. You had given it willingly once you had realised he was there to help. "You're going to break up with her now," he said. "You will tell her what you told me. That she annoys the shit out of you. That you're bored with her. Don't let her down gently. It won't be believable if you do. And when you've done that and she knows she won't have to deal with your sack of shit self again, I'll let you go. Only if you make it believable to my satisfaction. Do you understand?" The asshole nodded vigorously. He understood. Or thought he did.

To be fair to him, he gave a good performance, Dave mused as he splashed bleach around the area surrounding where the tarp had been laid under the chair. He had heard nothing of your side of the conversation, but the asshole had berated you for not coming to look for him the previous night, bragged about how he had taken some other girl home and finished the conversation by telling you that he was bored of you, that you had to know this was coming and to not come looking for any handouts from him because you wouldn't be getting any. Then he had hung up and looked up at Dave eagerly, the spark of hope that had been kindled now a fully fledged flame of belief that he would actually walk away from this situation.

Yes, Dave had taken pride and pleasure in his work this morning.

Phones destroyed, fingerprints removed, teeth extracted, the body burnt and the remains scattered throughout the recesses of the soon-to-be-gone building and into the Thames. Such a shame what could happen to a young man when he was caught up in such shady dealings. It was like he had never been. The Met police would pay a visit to his parents of course, softly explain to them what their negligence in raising such a careless and self-indulgent boy had led to. The drug lords would always get their payment - money or blood, they weren't fussy. Dave had made sure that the asshole's finances seemed even worse than they actually were, though that hadn't been difficult - he really had been in dire straits. Now all that was left was-

"Dave!" you exclaimed as you opened the door to your room, still in nothing but the robe that the hotel had provided. "Where were you?! I woke up and you weren't next door and I didn't have your number and-"

He shushed you softly as he stepped into the room, put his hands on your shoulders and looked into your eyes. "I'm sorry. I had a call early this morning. Had to follow up a promising lead. Didn't reception tell you? I left a message with them."

"Oh," you said, embarrassed. "I-I didn't even think to check with reception. God, I'm so stupid, I'm-"

"No," he said, moving further into the room and closing the door behind him. "You're not stupid. Not in the slightest. I just hope I didn't worry you too much."

"Its...Its okay," you said somewhat breathlessly. You sounded...excited, he thought. "I um...I had a phonecall. He called me." Dave raised an enquiring eyebrow. You led him to the sofa and sat down with him, covering your legs a little more with the robe as you did. Those small movements, your hands moving the fabric over parts he wanted to uncover made him bite his lip, trying to hold back his desire for you. A desire which had been enflamed all the more by his actions that morning, if he was entirely honest with himself. "He said that I was boring, holding him back, probably a gold digger anyway and that he had cheated on me last night and didn't ever want to see me again."

Dave smiled widely at you. "That's great news!" You looked at him appraisingly, unsmiling. Dave's own smile faltered a little. "I mean," he corrected himself, "not all the bullshit about you being boring and a gold digger. And not that he cheated, obviously. But the fact he's out of your life. That's good, isn't it?"

"It is," you mused. "Its also...what's the word? Convenient? Coincidental?" You shifted yourself on the couch, moving almost imperceptibly closer to him as you rested one hand on the cushion at the back and faced him more fully. The robe gaped a little at the top and he could see the top of your breasts again. "Even serendipitous?" you questioned in a low voice.

Dave chuckled, and he hoped it didn't sound as forced as it felt. A prickling thought at the back of his mind that perhaps you were a little too smart. "What are you getting at?"

"Nothing much," you replied, still in that low, husky tone that was making the baser parts of him go nuts. "Just that...after what we spoke about last night I did a lot of reflecting on the situation and realised that I'd been thinking about what was happening between me and him for a long, long time. Longer than I had ever thought I had. I was so concerned with surviving day to day that everything else got pushed to the background. But after I received that phone call I felt nothing but relief. I'd started to believe that it would be impossible to get away from him." You raised your eyes to his and looked straight into them. "I really hope he's never coming back," you disclosed bluntly, and even through his astonishment, Dave felt his cock twitch. You knew. You knew, and more than that you liked it. But even though he had acted recklessly over the past twenty four hours, he still wasn't stupid enough to reveal anything directly.

"By the sounds of it, he was ready to move on," he shrugged. "And I hope you know that you are way too good for him. Good riddance to the asshole is what I say."

"Good riddance," you echoed, your eyes roving over his face and down over his body, openly appreciating him. You raised your gaze back up to his face and gave him a coquettish smile. "I'm just sorry that I can't help you get your information from him now."

"Oh, don't you worry about that," Dave husked, his voice lower than usual with desire. "Just enjoy your freedom. And speaking of," he added, his hands now clasped in his lap to hide the semi he was sporting. "Can I take you to dinner tonight to celebrate? I realise its totally unprofessional, but I feel like you deserve to ring in the New Year in style."

"Only if you promise me one thing," you murmured, shifting closer to him still, so that the robe strained over your curves and the belt began to loosen, your bare knee now brushing his thigh. His fingers crept over the material of his trousers and toward your naked skin.

"And what's that?" he breathed as his fingers began to trail heat up the softness of your thigh.

You moved closer, so that your nose was almost touching his. "You let me have another kiss. At midnight."

"Oh, I think that could be arranged," he whispered, his lips already brushing yours.

Taglist - @thisshipwillsail316 @prostitute-robot-from-the-future @elegantduckturtle @dihra-vesa @midwesternwitchery @just-here-for-the-moment @eri16

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! Just wanted to know what you think Charles' route will be alll about, and how would the Ikevamp lore continue from there? Do you think we'll get an Act 3 or more suitors? I absolutely love reading your interesting insights and hearty theories! They're food for my simping soul ♡(> ਊ <)♡ please forgive my fangirling..

Hihi!!! You’re much too sweet, thank you!!! 💛💛💛 you’re always free to simp and fangirl here, haha~

I'm happy to answer as best I can, though honestly I'm not 100% sure given the main story routes all range--both in terms of topic and larger narrative impact. My guess is that it will likely be about Charles' history as somebody who took part in the French revolution, namely his role as an executioner. In line with that, I would address two lines; one from Mozart, one from Dazai.

Mozart in relation to Charles says "I remember that name..." and Dazai says that "He is a young man with many secrets." I think they both speak to a larger consideration with Charles, which is that he is both a famous historical figure but also one that trails so much blood behind him? This is a man who killed people for a living (and in droves), despite being a medical doctor. There is going to be an inevitable mental dissonance that comes with that dichotomy. His life aspiration was to help and heal people, and instead he was called to murder them indiscriminately (and often for reasons that were openly unjust). Much of his energy and disposition feels like a kind of mask; it's intended to disguise what's truly lurking beneath the surface. When people are convinced they're unsightly or monstrous, they can very often overcompensate with buoyant behavior and positivity. Dazai’s main story really felt like it was hammering this concept home, considering Charles’ insistent cheer directed at MC (yet showing Dazai and Faust a great deal of darkness.)

Interesting too, now that I think about it, because there is a kind of foil mechanism that comes with making Charles the antagonist of Dazai’s route. I didn’t realize it until now, but they both hide their secrets--and the true nature of some of their uglier feelings--with a kind of forcible levity. The difference here lies in the state of their baseline energy, the form by which it is expressed. Dazai is one to joke around and make light of (often serious) things, but he does it to a point of absurdity and mild outrage. He has a kind of desire to be chased out the way I understand him (because being chased out means he can leave and avoid the pressure of being real). If he’s not seeking to be chased out, he wants the person to smile/laugh at his blunders. He’s a mood-maker just as his description entails, and as such his goal is always the regulate/influence the emotional tone of a group in a positive way.

Charles, by contrast, avoids transparency by bouncing around and pretending like nothing really gets to him. He’s forthright and bold, but his desire to have fun belies the reality of who he is and who his master is. The impatience, the burning envy that dwells within remains to be seen--and only makes an appearance in flashes. It begs the question as to what it is he’s trying to avoid moving at that speed, as his increasing velocity means a lowered scrutiny and self-awareness (one that limits him just as much as it enables him to keep going). Furthermore, he has some notion of regulating the mood of the group in that he’s often the one who lowers tension between Vlad and Faust with his upbeat attitude. However, I would argue that it isn’t nearly as powerful as Dazai’s fixation with it; when Charles is upset or wants something, he will not hesitate to put his personal needs first (or demand them, even). Dazai does not seem to have this same audacity generally.

There's also the question of what Charles is hiding, other than the obvious historical information we have. I get the feeling something is lurking behind his desperation to believe in the future Vlad wants to create. Maybe it's some desperate wish to atone for what he's done. Maybe he raised that guillotine under some kind of misguided belief that he was restoring the world to order. We believe outlandish things to survive sometimes, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case for Charles. I’d like to see just what it is that makes him tick.

That being said, that doesn't always free us from the truth of what we've done. Sooner or later we're forced to confront and come to terms with it. Dazai's main story (for a short time) forced him to face that gaping maw of trauma, and it was very clear he was not in the slightest bit prepared or able to cope. So there is the question of--if MC confronts him with that--what he will do in response.

I also wouldn't be surprised if he's among the bolder suitors, seeking her affection and body with more insistence than the boys of the mansion. It remains to be seen, but given the impression I've received from him and the rest of the trio...(a note of caution to people uncomfy with that).

I'm interested to see where Charles will go, in that I'm not really sure if he'll skew to the yandere side or the lowkey wants to help people side. He has every potential to become increasingly demanding of MC’s time and attention, trying to monopolize her as much as possible. Burying himself further in denial, never questioning his master. But he also has a kind of hearty maturity at his core that might result from his life experiences, where he acknowledges what he's done and just tries to do the best he can moving forward.

If the latter happens, there is the very real question of what happens with his relationship with Vlad--which is part of the reason I have my doubts about this possibility. In the infamous (and paraphrased) words of Mulaney(? I think it was) "if this is gonna happen Vlad is gonna need to become suddenly cool with a lot of things very fast" LMAO. I don't really see Vlad ceding his control over Charles' mind easily, and I don't see him satisfied with a future of Charles' autonomy. But then, who knows? I may very well be proven wrong

I'm also curious about Charles’ pronounced interest in Comte, this kind of hope for reconciliation. There's a very real chance that could be a focal point, in that Charles wants there to be mingling between the two houses. There are also a lot of problems with this sort of theory in that it would likely require A LOT of development/time to bridge that gap if it was ever bridged, and I don't think Comte would accept anything less than Vlad agreeing to cease and desist his assault on humanity. This potentiality might be more probable for an Act 3 story progression, now that I think about it.

As for Act 3, I'm really not sure who will or won't get one. The only storyline that has been left openly/grossly unfinished is Comte's to my knowledge, largely because of the agreement they made? In all the other routes, there isn't much of a whisper about her turning into a vampire. (Vlad turns her at the end of his route I’ve heard, and as for Faust I don’t know--but I haven’t seen any signs that he would demand it of her so far.) Comte hesitates--but he has every intention of doing it when they feel the time is right. So there's the question of when or how that will happen. In a bday story? In an event story? Act 3? Dunno

I also wonder about how pureblood society and vampire hunters might come into play, but given they exist on the periphery of the game I don’t know if it’s as safe a bet as Comte vs. Vlad continuing their ideological battle.

As for the suitors in general, there is always the potential of antagonist intervention in Act 3? Maybe they heckle their happy ending or throw the relationship into some kind of turmoil, though I'm not sure exactly how that will work since most of the routes end on a pretty resolved note? There's also the reality of all the rivals being murdered in cold blood after their duels. So like ???? Really depends on the direction Cybird wants to take. Expand on the relationship, create new issues/threats--or make Act 3 a more large scale story progression.

There’s also the possibility that the story is expanded by hinging on the timespace complications. If Vlad saw a desolate future, what does that mean for everyone? Will that come to pass--and if so, when? Will he be supported or stopped? What will that entail? Maybe Vlad sees that the desolate future was the product of his own megalomania. Maybe Vlad turns out to be right and drastic action needs to be taken before it gets that far. Whatever the case, I’m interested to see what narrative avenue Cybird will choose.

As for more suitors, I really have no idea given I haven’t seen so much as a whisper of what comes after Charles. I think my best bet would be potential pureblood suitors (maybe the product of Comte/Vlad story continuations), or more roulette famous figures in line with Vlad’s machinations to thwart the suitors. If Michelangelo comes back and throws hands with Leonardo, I will veritably lose my entire mind

[firelxdykatara]

kitty i can't wait for your thoughts of Shadow and Bone asdfasfaw

Ok well I just finished and I have so many fucking thoughts. Most good! Some, less so. Part of it may just be my bias because I’ve only read the Six of Crows duology and have little interest in actually reading the original trilogy, because I know how it ends and Leigh clearly hates me personally and doesn’t want me to be happy (/j), so I was already predisposed to be far more invested in the Crows and Darkling/Darklina segments (genuinely, the Mal/Malina scenes/storyline bored me to tears, and while I appreciate that the show went out of its way to change Mal’s character to make him much less of a toxic douchebag [I’ve read enough excerpts and explanations of his actions in the books to really loathe book!Malina], it isn’t enough to make me ship them when Darklina is right there), but I also don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the Crows absolutely stole the show.

It’s actually kind of funny, because I’d assumed they were only being so heavily marketed to hype the show up even more, since while there’s a lot of TGT/SoC fandom overlap they are also two fundamentally different genres and I’d wager there are a lot of people who are massive fans of one but not so enthused with the other, while remaining fairly insignificant to the overall plot. Turns out, they make up fully half of the show’s runtime (much to my delight). Which is part of what I think will help this series stand on its own, both as a book adaptation and simply as a fantasy TV series.

I’ll put more of my story-specific thoughts under a cut, so there’s lots of show spoilers to follow!

I know that a lot of early reviewers were saying that Alina’s motivations and storyline revolved too much around Mal, and that really held true for me. It made sense in the beginning--he was the only constant in her life, she was thrust into something new, terrifying, and completely unfamiliar, and they’d developed an unhealthy codependence as a coping mechanism for their childhoods and the traumas they faced, the lives they lead growing up in a war-torn country. But she started coming into her power, falling for the General--not just his power and charisma, but what she felt when she was with him. The way he helped her summon the sun, the way she felt free in a way she never had before.

Until it all went to shit--but the Darklina make-out scene in episode 5? Fucking iconic. Poetic fucking cinema. The way they were quite literally about to have sex on that wartable (and someone better write fic of that moment, what if they hadn’t gotten interrupted), and the General left, but then he ran back just to kiss her one more time... this is what OTPs are made of ok.

I think what really bothers me overall is that Alina ultimately lacked agency in her one storyline, pretty much the entire way through. She did make a few choices, but they were mostly incidental, and a lot of it was Alina desperately trying to get back to Mal rather than seizing her own power and destiny and running with it. The most prominent example is the end of episode 5--Alina is having happy make-outs and almost bones the General in his own war room, and then he leaves, and Baghra comes in and infodumps to her about how evil he is and how he’s only using her and she needs to escape.

I recognize that a lot of this is probably because that’s essentially what happened in the book and Leigh is an executive producer for the show so she has a lot of shot-calling power. However, I really think that even in the book this plotline would’ve been better-served by having Alina make these discoveries on her own.

For example, imagine that the letters which were used as framing devices for episodes 2 and 3 were vitally important to the plot, rather than being one-offs that are mentioned a few times but not really affecting much of anything. Alina begins to get suspicious when she doesn’t receive word from Mal, and she starts wondering if her letters are even reaching him--so she starts snooping. She finds ashes in the war room hearth, late at night,, and recognizes a fragment of Mal’s signature and larger piece of her own. She now knows that someone--possibly the General, but maybe that creepy priest guy, or someone else in the palace--is keeping her and Mal from contacting one another. So she starts snooping around even more. She asks the General leading questions, trying to figure out what the truth is of his intentions. She still feels this pull--this connection to him, and she hopes she’s wrong, but she’s not willing to just sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop.

The Winter Fete still happens, she still gets the hot make-out session with the General, and then when he’s called away, she snoops through his papers, looking for anything that can tell her the truth. She finds a hidden compartment filled with journals.

She reads about Aleksander’s past (and, incidentally, wasn’t that supposed to be a huge moment in the books, him revealing his true name to her in private? kinda wish it had been kept that way in the show but who knows where they’ll go with it in the future)--that leads to the flashbacks in episode 6. She feels for him, but she also reads further--she gets a firsthand look at his desire for power, something that began as a noble desire to save his people, but was twisted by a lust for vengeance (for his lost love and all the Grisha who were killed) and shot through with greed, the realization that if he found the Sun Summoner he could control the Fold, rather than just destroy it. He could create a new world where Grisha could live without fear--where Grisha could rule.

Alina is terrified. Whoever the General used to be--whatever humanity she saw flickering in his eyes, the way his heart fluttered when they kissed--she can’t trust that it’ll be enough to save her from plans centuries in the making. So she goes to Baghra, the woman who helped her discover her power, learn to channel it--the woman who always seemed to know much more than she ever let on. Baghra gives her side of the story--Alina got it from the General’s perspective first, now Baghra is telling her something framed much differently. She isn’t sure what or who to trust, but she knows that Baghra seems willing to help her escape--but rather than trusting her ‘loyal Grisha’, she makes the choice she made in the show, to choose the other path, and winds up with the Crows.

Idk how Mal and the Stag thing would fit into this (if it isn’t obvious by now, Mal just... doesn’t interest me), but Alina’s story and her character arc would be so much stronger for it. And she’s supposed to be the central character, so her story being weak and her agency so frequently being compromised ultimately hurts the show as a whole.

I know I’ve gone on and on about Alina and the Darkling (look, I’m a slut for enemies-to-lovers, and also lovers-to-enemies-and-back, so Darklina and Helnik are where so much of my investment is rooted--plus Kanej, but that almost goes without saying), but the true standouts of the series were the Crows. Inej, Kaz, and Jesper, and Nina and Matthias in their episodes, stole the show (along with the Darkling, Ben is far and away the best actor in the cast and I love that for him, but Freddy, Amita, and Kit are also amazing, and Danielle&Calahan were fucking phenomenal as Nina and Matthias--I do have to say, though, that the whole cast is really solid and has amazing chemistry).

They worked together so perfectly--Freddy and Amita communicated so much with their eyes alone, especially together, and a whole lot of their relationship dynamic is rooted in how they exist together, which really came through. The show altered the Crows timeline considerably (I’m pretty sure Kaz would’ve been 14 during the original trilogy lol), so Inej is still at the Menagerie, but things like Kaz putting up the Crow Club for Inej’s freedom, the way Kaz needed her but could never bring himself to say it (until the end of the season dklhfgdkjfgh i SCREAMED)--the way Jesper played off the both of them, and it’s so obvious they all love each other even though they’re criminals and thieves and murderers, and Kaz would never admit it (out loud--which actually feeds into my theory that his love language is acts of service; Kaz does things for the people he cares about, he never announces it and he will almost always try to downplay it, but the way you know he cares is if, for example, he puts his entire life, everything he built, up as collateral for your freedom), but they’re a family.

One thing that I was kind of iffy about was Inej’s refusal to kill--but I thought it might be something they were planning to work into her overall character arc, and they did. It was the one line she hadn’t crossed--in the books, I’d imagine that it took a while for Inej to wind up at that point, being willing to kill on top of everything else. So I actually like that they worked that into the Crows plotline, and Inej killing for the first time was to save Kaz’s life.

Just like Kaz’s first selfless act was to save her.

(He’d deny it, of course. He protects his investments. He needed her for the job. But the truth is, he did it for her. And he’d do it again. Even if he’d never admit it.)

Meanwhile, Nina and Matthias’ storyline was pretty much note-for-note according to their backstory as it was revealed in Six of Crows, and I loved every second of it. Their chemistry was perfect, their journey from enemies to begrudging allies to friends to maybe something more (Matthias’ stomach cockblocking them when they were about to kiss had me fucking SCREAMING AT THE TV, and then of course the whole ‘betraying him to save him’ thing happened and I sobbed), and then suddenly right back to enemies.

Because from Matthias’ perspective, he trusted a witch--believed in her, liked her, wanted her--and she turned on him. He has no idea that she wasn’t the one who knocked him out in the first place, and no reason to believe her, because as far as he knows, she just confirmed everything he’d ever been told about Grisha. That they are deceitful and treacherous, would turn on you as soon as look at you, that they are dangerous and not to be trusted. It wasn’t revealed in-show but I imagine Matthias’ backstory is largely the same, which means that his entire family was slaughtered by Grisha when he was a young boy, and then he was turned into a brainwashed child soldier by the witch hunters and never knew anything else.

They are perfectly primed for their SoC arc next season and I, for one, am so stoked to see the rest of their journey. And if I slip Netflix a couple twenties, maybe they’ll let Helnik have a happy ending please please please.

Anyway, yeah! I have a lot of thoughts but things are still percolating in my head so I’ll probably float around the tags for a bit and let things settle. This is just a preliminary overview of my thoughts in the immediate aftermath of bingeing the entire show in one night kldfjghdkjfhgkjgf

EDIT TO ADD: I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THE TRUE STAR OF THE SHOW, M I L O

MILO BEST BOY. MILO THE MVP. MILO DESERVES ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORLD AND I HOPE HE LIVES A HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND FULL LITTLE GOAT LIFE.

[castielmoriarty]

“@dallcheim: Their lack of understanding is rooted in one thing though - Ben’s trauma. And Ben’s bad boy behaviour is rooted in that trauma.  Callum doesn’t need to murder someone to get it. It’s Ben’s coping strategies that are the issue and he needs professional help and Callum needs to understand that he needs professional help. That’s literally it. They love and understand everything else about one another. They’re as in love as they’ve ever been but Ben needs help and Callum has to recognise that.” sorry for the inc wall of text, I suck at wording myself concisely. I disagree. first of all, I never argued anything remotely like Cal having to murder someone to get it. and also never argued against them being as in love as ever - I’m not questioning that. but you can be very in love with your partner and still lack a mutual understanding in a relationship. and like in this case, their feelings for each other isn’t enough. sure, they have gotten through most of their problems before this; but they’ve had so many serious conflicts despite being married for such a short time. they’ve almost broken up several times. Cal left for a while. they almost didn’t get married. Ben has lied so much to Cal and hidden so many things from him. Cal understanding that Ben needs professional help to work through his many traumas including his childhood in general is one thing, and yes, it would be good if that happened. but that’s still not what I’m talking about. let’s say you have a partner with depression and you acknowledge that they need therapy; that only means you understand they have a potentially treatable illness, it doesn’t mean you understand what they are going through. Cal simply recognizing that Ben has trauma - and for that matter, I’m pretty sure he does get that even if he hasn’t expressed as such, he’s not an idiot - isn’t going to lead to that disconnect/distance between them going away. because this is also so much about their fundamental differences in personality, it’s definitely not just about Ben’s trauma, PTSD, and shitty coping mechanisms.

I think it’s inevitable that Cal needs to accept that this is what he signed up for when he got together with Ben. he knew to a degree what he went into, he knew Ben was a criminal (and couldn’t easily walk away from it even if he wanted to, as is true for most of criminals in organised crime) when he became a cop and still chose to both be with Ben and be a cop. Ben could get all the therapy in the world and it’s not going to completely change him as a person, it’s too late for that. his Mitchell upbringing has shaped him in a fundamental way like all of our childhoods do. and here’s the thing. if Ben could go to therapy and become a perfectly law-abiding citizen, their relationship could probably work without Cal necessarily understanding that “dark” side of him. but I think we can all agree that isn’t likely to happen, and that’s why I think the only way to go is for Cal to more or less embrace and understand that side of Ben, to the point where Ben can be truly honest about it. and I think that Cal going to a very dark place because of rage over what Lewis did, possibly getting violent with him, would make him hesitate to moralize as much in the future. therapy could help Ben cope with things better but he will still make choices that are very different from what Cal would like him to do, he will still be a criminal with dubious morals. and I don’t think he has much motivation at all to want to stop being that, either. if they can’t find that understanding or at least the acceptance of “this is what you are and will continue to be, more or less” Ben is just going to keep lying, Cal is going to keep finding shit out about him from other people, they’re going to keep having conflicts about it, and they will keep ending up feeling lonely even when they are together. and you can have another discussion about whether it’s right that Cal needs to be the one to get that side of Ben instead of Ben changing (not really), but personally if Ben did become a law-abiding good guy like Cal I would give the the ship up out of boredom right away, so I’m personally glad that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.