#most of them have the privilege of a safety net

[clara-maybe-ontheroad]

What I think when I see entrepreneurs on LinkedIn telling everyone they should just become their own bosses

[theabigailthorn]

Surely with how popular you are you would have had a few cancelling attempts, but you're drama free. How? I thought you'd be target number 1 with TERFs.

So the thing is, people on the internet have and do try to wreck my life! But it's true that I get less of it than a lot of other women, and I often ask myself (and them) this same question. I think it comes down to a few factors. In no particular order:

I'm white and thin

I don't post selfies very often

The Philosophy Tube Jutsu: I never use my platform to say anything bad about individuals, so I don't make enemies

I'm British

I don't put my pronouns or the word 'trans' in my bio. I mention it if it it's relevant but to a casual troll looking for someone to go after there are more obvious targets

My brand: in terms of online content, my brand is 'Educational and Compassionate.' I try to be even-handed and listen to all sides and never be angry, and people are maybe a bit reluctant to get mad at someone who does that? In terms of acting, my brand right now is 'I'm Trying Hard and I'm On My Way Up!' which I guess people like?

I have a posh accent

I don't make online content about video games

I'm pretty enough that men like looking at me but not so hot it makes them angry

I transitioned in private before I came out publicly. I knew that when I did I'd get a lot of backlash, so I pre-emptively muted LOADS of words in my comments section and wove a kind of digital safety net

I'm so busy that I often miss whatever the discourse du jour is and don't get involved. As a wise woman once said, 'Do Not Tweet.'

I deliberately dress and present myself as 'classy' in public-facing stuff

Most of my content is scripted, so by default it attracts people who like to sit down and listen

Philosophy Tube is literally all about critical thinking and not taking things at face value. So if a typical Philosophy Tube Subscriber sees a post that says 'I saw Abigail Thorn kicking a puppy down the street!' they're more likely to stop and think, 'What's the evidence for this?' This means that when there are hate campaigns and lies spread about me (and there are, from time to time) my core audience sees through it and sticks around

I have very good mods! Big shout out to all the lovely people on r/philosophytube and all the people who moderate my livestream chats!

I have a social media manager who can look out for hate and pre-emptively guard against it

I don't hitch my brand to other people. I sometimes do little collabs or appear at events with other creators but for the most part I fly solo. That means if another creator blows up or posts something awful I minimise my chances of cancellation-by-association. I'm friends with lots of creators but for the most part I keep it behind the scenes (Learned this one the hard way!)

I'm not a sex worker. Those people get hate like you wouldn't believe - the sex workers I know are the toughest folks I've ever met!

I'm not very fun to bully! I do get death threats and hate campaigns and people make fake porn of me and libel me and all that stuff - literally every day - I just never talk about it publicly so trolls don't get the satisfaction of seeing me get upset. I just mute and block and move on silently. When I have to talk to a lawyer or the police about someone causing a problem, I handle it behind the scenes

Platform size. When TERFs in British media go after someone they tend to pick on people smaller than them, cause they're bullies.

I built my platform slowly, so I've had time to adjust and get used to how it impacts my life

People have tried to cancel me in the past and it's blown up in their faces, e.g. the Trump Transition Tweet Incident and the B*ck A*gel Affair.

To be absolutely clear, a LOT of this is luck and privilege. I'm not trying to blame the victims of online harassment: yes, some of these factors are things I choose to do but not everyone is able to make those choices. It's also the unwinnable game of respectability politics: yes I might get less hate because of the way I dress or whatever, but fundamentally that won't protect me if I get arrested and sent to a men's prison. These things aren't a substitute for a more just distribution of power. There's also this final possible factor:

It just hasn't happened yet.

[probablyasocialecologist]

If Ugandans have a social safety net, it is woven from banana fibers, and if there is a clear path to socialism, it will be lined with banana leaves. The lusuku model, premised on intercropping and smallholder farming, could be the basis for national agrarian reform that improves the lives of Uganda’s agricultural workers without accelerating the destruction of the natural environment. Uganda faces increasing difficulty feeding itself because of climate extremes and land degradation, and this affects farmers more significantly than anyone else. Moreover, since the 1990s, the ruling National Resistance Movement regime sold off and dismantled most of the coffee, tea, and cotton growers cooperatives, leaving smallholder farmers in the hands of the predatory middlemen which cooperatives had been established to protect them against. Unable to collectively bargain and exposed to dramatic fluctuations in the market prices for cash crops, many people left rural areas to search for employment in cities. This has been a driving force behind the massive inequality between rural and urban workers. Ugandans now produce more food than they consume, even exporting to other countries in the region, yet��41% of people are undernourished, and agricultural production has decreased over the last 20 years. For the most part, the strategy pursued by Uganda’s government has been to encourage the development of ecologically disastrous intensive agriculture for export, privileging foreign investors rather than developing the infrastructure that would benefit peasants. Indeed, while more than 70% of Ugandans are employed in agriculture, the sector only receives around 4% of public investment, and projects aimed at helping smallholder farmers have had very little success, even by their own standards. Many of the government’s investments in agriculture very clearly advantage larger landowners, to the detriment of the poorest farmers. For example, most of the government’s investment in labor-saving technologies has been spent on tractors, which are great for large plots but largely unaffordable or unsuitable for the average farmer, whose plot is usually between 1-3 acres large. However, a socialist transition premised on agroecological reforms could make use of the existing lusuku model to create the kind of growth that actually improves poor farmers’ lives without destroying their environment. This could begin with reestablishing cooperatives and engineering agricultural prices around social needs and goals, like guaranteeing access to food. Research from around the world has shown that while large, monocrop plantations are good at producing huge volumes of one crop, smallholder farms are more productive when evaluated on a per-unit area and are capable of securing national food sovereignty. Why, for example, should Ugandans buy rice imported from Pakistan or Vietnam when banana intercropping yields more calories per hectare than rice? Lusukus could feed the nation without relying on foreign experts, development aid, or the capital-intensive inputs now being imported to grow for export. Because lusukus are far better for the soil, they also improve the nation’s capacity to resist severe floods and drought, effects of climate change that hit poor farmers hardest. In these ways, the lusuku model could provide a sustainable path to socialist development.

[twilightcitysky]

My daughter is four. She came home from school and told me she was playing a game called “Princess Gets Rescued From a Tower”. The kid of two feminists, living in a liberal city in a blue state, at the age of four, has internalized the idea that princesses need rescuing. 

I did four years of residency in ObGyn and three years of residency in Psychiatry. I am an MD and a practicing psychiatrist. I don’t have the bandwidth to look at the numbers right now, but I will tell you from personal experience with hundreds and hundreds of patients that women are the strong ones. Most of the babies of teen girls I delivered had no support apart from their own mothers. I wrote “father of baby not involved” in the chart more times than I can count. Most of the pregnancy terminations I performed were for girls and women on their own. Nothing made me feel like I’d made more of a difference than providing a desired termination for a teenager and placing her IUD. Now that girl gets to continue her education, develop her frontal lobe, and decide who she wants to be and what she wants to do. She doesn’t have to be a baby trying to raise a baby. She doesn’t have to be another cog in a system that perpetuates the cycle of poverty in order to keep women and people of color from working towards equality, equity, fairness and real change. 

Make no mistake. The overturning of Roe vs. Wade today is not about saving the lives of the unborn. It is about control of women’s bodies and agency, particularly poor women without the resources to travel out of state for a pregnancy termination. Women are meant to be property. Don’t believe me? How many letters have I received addressed to “Mrs. Husband’s First Name – Husband’s Last Name” instead of “Dr. My First Name – My Last Name”? How many people think my kids have their dad’s last name, because he’s the man and when you get married you’re supposed to give up your identity? Yes, it’s only a name. Yes, it’s tradition. But try speaking up against it— even that one, small thing— and see how much resistance you run into. 

Now women want more than our own names. We want to be paid the same as our male colleagues. We want our voices to be heard in legislation and government. We’d even like to be the president someday. At bare minimum, we’d like to decide the timing and circumstances of when we become parents, because women still carry the majority of responsibility for raising children today, with rare exceptions. We are on a tightrope with no safety net, because there’s so little in the way of institutional support for people who end up with a baby to support and no way to put food on the table. 

People who are thinking about how to get from one day to the next aren’t in the streets protesting. People who are terrified that they’ll be beaten or raped by their partner aren’t rallying for change. People who are trying to raise a child on a minimum wage salary with no parental leave benefits, without any sort of support, aren’t getting an education. People who are working two jobs to keep a roof over their heads aren’t voting. 

And that’s the goal. 

The princess in the tower may need a rescue now, but ask yourself who put her there. Ask yourself who robbed her of the tools to escape, because she’s strong and capable. If you’re a woman, stay safe. If you’re a woman of privilege, help your sisters. If you’re a man, speak up for us. And if there’s any part of you who feels that this is a move that will help any human beings at all, including the unborn children who are the proposed beneficiaries, I cheerfully invite you to get fucked. Nobody wins when women are forced to have kids they can’t or don’t want to support. Not them, not the kids… and not you. 

[yupuffin]

No but I'm actually so salty about just how deeply entrenched amatonormativity is into our society, about the tendency to underestimate just how harmful it is to aroace people, and about how widespread the misconception is that simply being queer is enough to combat it when the process is really quite a bit more active than that.

There are so many financial, social, and other privileges I'm effectively locked out of due to being aroace -- something entirely out of my control -- even in a primarily queer social circle.

I have to work a strenuous full-time job, to the detriment of my health, in order to make ends meet, due to not having a spouse with whom I can split most costs of living and/or who is willing to help cover some essentials (such as unexpected medical bills) so that I can afford to dedicate less time and energy to employee work and more to (potentially monetized) hobbies.

Socially, I will never be any individual's "default" or "go-to" person, as that position, from an amatonormative standpoint, is reserved for spouses and significant others. Even if I did take matters into my own hands to fight amatonormativity and personally delegate such a person for myself, that relationship would be inherently unequal, balanced against me, so long as that person also subscribes to amatonormativity, even if they aren't currently partnered. My bids to socialize are subject to the availability of the other party, dependent on whether they've already committed to a significant other they will, by default, prioritize more -- and because I'm not part of their in-group by default, anything I want to be included in for certain, I have to expend the time and effort to assemble the plan myself, which is not the case for anyone who can count on being included on anything their partner plans for or with them.

These are just a few of the countless impacts of amatonormativity on my daily life -- and the thing is, on their own, as numerous as they are, they're not particularly harmful. As an aroace (and possibly not yet schizoid) adolescent with no desire whatsoever to find a life partner, I was optimistic, figuring it wouldn't be too much of a problem so long as I maintained a robust network of platonic relationships to serve as the equivalent of the material and social safety nets enjoyed by those with partners -- and in theory, this works excellently. In practice, though, such a situation is exceedingly rare and difficult to execute; in my adolescence, I gravely underestimated the sheer abundance of people who are either partnered or actively seeking partnership, or who misunderstand that combating amatonormativity, like other forms of allyship, is a process that must be conducted actively and deliberately, rather than something that can be done simply by existing and maintaining the status quo, so to speak, even as an aroace person. As an adult, I struggle greatly to locate, much less form a relationship with (assuming we're even compatible, platonically speaking), anyone available and willing to invest in to the relationship to the degree that our priorities will be effectively mutual.

Being aroace and unpartnered in an amatonormative world, thus, is a paradox, as I'm less financially and socially available than those with dedicated life partners due to lacking support I would typically get from such a partner, to which the system operates under the assumption I have access.

Exacerbating the isolating effect of amatonormativity is the tendency to be often labeled and thereby dismissed as merely petty, jealous and/or insecure, implying that the obstacles I experience due to being aroace and unpartnered are entirely internal and simply need to be overcome, rather than direct effects of an amatonormative society with tangible detriments to my quality of life -- implying that, were the emotional aspect resolved, the aforementioned practical disadvantages would likewise disappear on their own (they wouldn't).

And now I'm pondering the relationship between placement on the aroace spectrum and schizoid personality disorder, because whereas the former is usually listed as a symptom of the latter, I'm starting to think that, in reality, the relationship is more reciprocal than that. For example, I think it's fair to say that I choose social isolation and solitariness as a result of being schizoid to about the same extent that I'm isolated into a schizoid lifestyle as a result of being aroace, for the reasons listed above.

[tempenensis]

If you have time, do you mind helping me with some character analysis? Gojo is very hard to write because he's a very internalized person who doesn't actually show his inner thoughts very often. The times we get them, he is much more serious and analytical than his frivolous personality is meant to show.

Gojo is popular for the same reason that people hate him: truthfully we don't know much about *him* when it comes to the kinds of details which can be used to figure out where someone's personality came from. He comes from a privileged background, so there's lots of people who assume that he never really went through any troubles - that he never had moments of self-doubt or needed to find his place in the world, that his powers likely came easy to him because he's a prodigy, that his family "spoiling" him meant that he was never subjected to the cruel or intense training we know some of the nobles have set up in their family homes. He's also always been special, and it's unlikely that he ever had a desire to be a total non-sorcerer. He could walk away any time he wanted, like Yuki, and it's not like anyone could stop him either.

And Gege never truly refutes this. Gojo's personality is also so good at pretending nothing ever touches him (thematic!) that from the surface it could seem true. He is not the kind of person to be filled with self-pity so we never get panels of him hashing out his situation with the other characters (not that he can because no one is his equal enough to do this...). He's so busy he literally doesn't have time to dwell. He has been shown spending time with his friends, but no one wants to talk about the shit job they all do during down time, they unwind and talk about regular stuff, like regular people, and simply enjoy the company.

But deduction also tells us that people who grew up normal and well adjusted don't behave the way he's behaving. (Nobara and Yuuji had the most normal sounding childhoods of all the students and it shows, even behind the typical shonen characterization).

Clearly, the flashback arc is shown because in a way that is the origin story of the current conflict, and the origin of Gojo's current personality (Geto had a lot of positive influence on him).

Gojo turns against the sorcerer system because it cost him Geto, not because of anything that may or may not have happened to him. He was doing every mission the higher-ups could possibly have sent him on after Riko died. He wasn't rebelling against the system, he was trying to solve it by becoming the single solution all on his own. Again, not the response of a well-adjusted person.

He was not originally the kind of person to take revenge or turn against a system for personal issues, although he later becomes a little like this when he starts taking young sorcerer's under his wing.

There's a lot of fandom speculation that has hints that these things could to be true:

He was spoiled by his family, but they were emotionally distant in the way of all sorcerer families, praising the technique and seeing the technique instead of the child who was wielding it. It's possible he doesn't associate closely with his clan apart from very structured social patterns because he realizes that being "special" never meant he didn't deserve being treated like a child or taught how to behave. He's perfectly aware he has a "bad personality" and knows that this is in part because of how he was raised.

He projects emotionally onto the students in his care, and acknowledges that something about the way he was treated (mostly as a fine commodity) was deeply unfair, but he hasn't actually found another way except to acknowledge at the end of the day that this job gives you trauma and it's usually not worth dying for unless that's your thing (I mean how he throws the students into situations where they think they're going to die and his concession is to place himself as the safety net), and that you shouldn't miss age-appropriate events just because some grown up tells you to become a better little cog.

A lot of the fandom likes to assume that using Six-Eyes is overstimulating or possibly painful for him right away because at least then there's a cost to his using his power, and once again the sorcerer system doesn't care about the cost to its workers (I'm not sure about the right away part. we know that if he doesn't cover his eyes he gets tired, but Gege doesn't want to give gojo any weaknesses so who knows how long it takes).

Gojo is maybe not "afraid" of getting truly close to people but he keeps people at arm's length. No one at this point could bear the burden he does, and that's what he believes it means to be his equal. It's possible but unlikely that if someone reached out to him first, he would let him. We know touching Infinity can feel like you're touching him from the first vs.Jogo fight, and it's likely he truly does keep it on all the time, leaving him physically and psychologically prepared to keep anyone from touching him at all times, even if they don't realize it...

(Overall, it's very funny to me that Gege's friends apparently think his personality is like Gojo's. It makes it more understandable why he wouldn't want to talk about his character, or be annoyed that the person who is a secondary became too popular, but also the cat is a troll and is the kind of person to laugh and walk away if you try to ask them a question -_-. However, if you take the answers we do have literally, it sounds like Gege accidentally made a character with a lot of depth, but he doesn't want to deal with it…)

But we have no answers to the truth of these presumptions in a lot of cases, and I could keep going but I'm running out of steam and I'm already sorry to put so much in your inbox….

I know you don't give headcanons because your blog is more textual analysis blog, so I won't ask for them! Part of me is not even sure what to ask, because we simply have no answers, and I don't think anyone is going to give them to us. That's fine because fandom wants and needs space to do its own interpretations of the character, but when you want an answer that isn't there, it can truly feel like diving off a cliff to make that choice all on your own and run with it (cries because that means there are literally infinite choices to make and each of them alters the story a little).

Maybe what I'm really asking is, if you have time, would you pick apart my characterization of Gojo above? I'm a bit curious about what you agree with and what you disagree with because you're so good with finding the text evidence! I already appreciate you reading if you've gotten this far, and I appreciate all the work you do in the fandom. I won't feel bad if you refuse (not that you will, but I just want to make it clear I have no expectations!!) Thank you again so much for all you do and for letting us play in the space with you!

Hi, anon!

If you're asking about my opinion, I must say, this is pretty solid read. I agree with almost everything that you said, and can't really add much to this. Gege had said before that he "has no personality", I think that means he doesn't think too much about Gojou's character, unlike for example Yuuji or Nanami. This makes us learns more about him by crumbles dropped here and then - and not a lot actually told explicitly in the manga. ((it sounds like Gege accidentally made a character with a lot of depth, but he doesn't want to deal with it)) is actually a good point lol, fans' interest in Gojou is definitely deeper than Gege himself.

One of the most interesting thing about him is that despite his vocal opposing of the current jujutsu system, he still does his duty to this very system that he opposes. Even if he messes around sometimes, Gojou is the only special-grade sorcerer who actually goes to missions assigned to him and has been mentioned to clean other sorcerers' messes - which is why he is so busy all the time. This speaks more about him knowing that his priority lies in saving other's lives. I think for him, he is an actual proper jujutsushi who has lived as one since he was born because of the techniques he inherited - maybe the point of being a jujutsu sorcerer and what he has to do has been driven to him since he can handle his own technique. So all he knows is to be a jujutsushi first - and his desire to change the system only comes later, after he saw what this system does to people around him, especially Riko and Getou. Even then, he tries to change it from inside, as jujutsushi who is one under the very system he want to change. All he knows is how to live as a jujutsushi and he doesn't seem to want to stop being one, even if it means he can destroy the system from outside. He wants jujutsushi to continue, but with a better system, not to stop or destroy all of them entirely.

[veayrss]

Second chance lovers?

Theodore Nott x reader

[Angst] Fluff Spicy

Warnings: swearing, arguing, toxic theo, LMK IF I MISSED ANY.

꧁★☽𖦹☾★꧂

Theodore Nott. Your ex boyfriend, why you may ask? Well he cheated on you with your raven claw friend Presca flowtop. You walked in on them fucking. God you were furious.

Two years down the Drain on some nimwhit like him. But Merlin were you in love with that nimwhit. But when you walked in they noticed after a few seconds and hurried with their clothes. You fought the butch then next day, and LORD it felt amazing.

But in that moment of seeing them, all you wanted to do was beat the shit out of Nott, but also cry in his arms. He was your safety net and vice versa. Not any more though, that was four months ago.

And right now your in the middle of the hall way lost in thought, but once that bell rang it snapped you out of it and you ran to snapes class room.

You do not want be late again, merlin knows what he would do.

As soon as you enter the class you were the third person there. You sigh in relief and take your seat. This is your LEAST favorite class for many reasons. You hate snape, it’s the first class of the day, and it’s with Nott.

Like your good at potions, your not failing but your not amazing at it. Your in the middle which is where you want to be at this moment.

You take out your book and quill and open to the page your going over today and then take out some parchment.

While doing so you hear someone pull out a chair and sit down, thinking it’s your friend ginney you turn to say hi but realize it is not Ginney. But a skank.

He gives you a small smile and greets you, “hey Y/n.” You roll your eyes and ignore him, he’ll have to leave when ginney arrives and she’s usually early to class on most days.

Hopefully that’s today, so you grab your ink and place it opening it dipping your quill in it and start writing the date and your name.

Theodore sighs turning fully to face you, “come on y/n. You can’t ignore me forever.” He says quietly trying not to alarm anyone in the class, yes it’s early which means it’s kind off empty. But that also means it’s very quiet, so just raising your voice a tad bit is loud.

You look over at him in disbelief and scoff is he really serious right now? “Watch me Nott.” I told him, already annoyed with a few words he’s spoken.

His face scrunched up at the use of his last name, he doesn’t mind if it’s other people, hell he prefers other people to use that name when talking to him but you.

Never the less he rolls his eyes “come on N/N.” He scoffs back. ‘Is talking to me that bad?’ He wonders, missing the conversations you both used to have before everything was better.

i scoff again, why is he even calling me by my nick name? Since when has he gotten that privilege again? “Stop calling me that. And leave me alone.” I tell him still not giving him a single glance.

His face slightly sours but before he can say anything else he moves his seat hearing snapes footsteps but before he leaves he says, “Fine.” his hands clenched in fists as he moves and sits down, and looks out the window.

I sigh listening to the teacher, Professor snape, as the whole class is now here. He says we need partners for the potions project and he’s picking them himself.

As he says names he says mine, then he says Theodore Nott, i groan and look over at Nott. Snape literally hates me and he’s clearly out to get me.

We get up and move to sit with our new partners. I sit down next to him. Snape hands is the instructions on what we have to do and I groan knowing this will most likely take a week.

Theodore hears your groan and rolls his eyes. “Oh for Merlin’s sake. I don’t want you as a partner either.” You internally laugh at how quickly his opinion and feelings can change.

You make a fake pouty face “didn’t you want to talk to me five seconds ago?” I say in a teasing tone. He scoffed, “Yeah five seconds ago, but now I realize how annoying you are.”

You roll your eyes and ask, “When do you want to do the project. I wanna hurry up and get it over and done with as soon as possible.” He shrugs. “After class I guess. But I’m warning you I’m Not doing all the work.”

“Ok?” You look him up and down annoyed, ‘god he’s so fucking- I have no words to describe this boy.’ You thought, then continued to pay attention to class.

Theo watches you, bored. his eyes lingering on every small movement, the smallest facial expression, every time you hear a small noise and look that way, every time you move your hair out of your face.

꧁★☽𖦹☾★꧂

after class you start packing and Presca walks over to theo hugging him, then making eye contact with me smirking. You scoff, you do not wanna deal with that today or ever.

Theo rolls his eyes at something kind of hard to tell, before greeting her back and awkwardly hugging her.

You watch, your eyes start to get watery, you leave before you can make scene. As you walk away you mumble ‘jackass’ and walk out of the class pissed off and hurt.

Theo chuckles to himself before getting up and following you. You can tell Nott is following you, annoyed with the boy you confront him still walking to the library to get books. “what the fuck do you want Nott.”

Theo smirks behind your back. “I want to see if my ex is okay is all.” He shrugs before reaching your side and slightly touches your hip assuming it’s to stop you from walking any farther.

You smack his hand away “don’t touch me. Don’t talk to me. And don’t look at me. I’ll do my part of the project and you do yours.” You told him, staring at him with a look of mixed emotions.

He sighs. He was hoping for a response, but that wasn’t the one he wanted. He just wants to talk to you. His hand rests back on your hip, but this time he doesn’t budge after you try to move it. “I’m just talking to you, calm down.”

You move out of his grip “if you wanted to talk to me then you should have never cheated.” You say with a scoff before trying to leave again. Are you overreacting? Probably who knows. But what he did was just a few months ago.

The wound is still fresh, you still feel angry and mad at him for what he did. It’s not like in four months you can just stop caring for a two year relationship that ended horribly. And just simply have small talk and spend time with him.

Theo catches your arm again not letting you leave. “just wait for a goddamn moment!” He says, his voice sounding harsh, and a little demanding.

You groan. “god your fucking tiring what do you want?!” You say, on the verge of pulling out your hair. Theo stares directly into your eyes. “I want you Y/n.” He says sounding somewhat sincere..?

 that doesn’t matter though, you stare at him in disbelief, “like I said-you should’ve thought about that before you- hm- oh! cheated four months ago.” Theo scoffed “Are you that sensitive? You know I was drunk.” He said, looking at you with a raised eyebrow, but you know he was lying. Theo doesn’t drink on school days- and he simply wasn’t drunk.

And with him lying trying to save his ass just pissed you off. You began to raise your voice, people now starting to look at you both, “drunk my ass! The only thing you were was high off your ass! And that isn’t an excuse!”

Theo chuckles lightly. “I admit it I was high. But you’re being such a baby about it! It was 4 months ago, let it go.”

You start laughing at how ridiculous he sounds, then you look at him, “so I cheated on you with mattheo your best friend you wouldn’t be mad?” You ask egging him on knowing he would get mad.

Theo doesn’t speak for a few seconds. He looks at you with a stone cold stare, trying his best to not let that theory affect him. but after a while he spoke. “I wouldn’t care.” He shrugs. And then laughs. “Mattheo has nothing on me anyways. Why would you cheat on me with him?” Theo scoffs.

“Maybe because he would treat me better then you ever did.” You said tearing up out of anger. not caring if it hurt theos feelings or not because at this point you were done.

Theo laughed at you for saying that. It was a cruel laugh. As he took a deep breath to continue laughing, once he stopped he saw your tear stained cheeks and then new ones coming down. his face changed to one that was soft and remorseful for a second, but he refused to let you see it. “I treated you fine darling.” He said.

“Maybe in the beginning. Not in the end.” You say wiping your tears, every one now looking at you both in the hall making you embarrassed.

Theo doesn’t acknowledge the stares. He simply looks at you with a smirk and his eyes slowly travel the length of your body from top to bottom before he spoke again. “Don’t cry darling, you’re not the victim here.” He said, chuckling you couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not.

But the heat of the moment got the best of you. So you slap him in the face, shocking him. “fucking hate you.” You told him before turning to leave to the slytherin common room.

Theo’s eyes widen before he quickly grabs your wrist. “No! Don’t you dare walk away.” Theo says in a demanding voice. You yell has he grabbed you, “Let go Theodore!”

Theo didn’t let go of your wrist, his grip tight, but not painful he had no intention of hurting you, he never did. “No. Calm down and we can talk about this privately. Stop making a scene!”

You struggle in his grip ignoring what he’s saying. “let go!” you yell still crying, everyone gathers around whispering. Theo looks down at you, his eyes staring down into yours. As you struggle he slightly loosens the grip, making sure he’s not hurting you. “No, Y/n relax.”

“I don’t want to talk at all anymore! We did you clearly don’t feel bad about cheating. Just let go!” You yell at him, voice all hurt begging him to let go.

Theodore’s eyebrows raise. He scoffs a bit before his eyes rest on yours. “You’re really not making this easy, darling.” He puts you down but not letting go of your hips in a gentle grasp, but strong enough that you can’t leave.

You try to push him back, “do you not get it?” But it doesn’t work.

Theo was stubborn, as he tried to bring you somewhere more private, but you don’t budge. “Enough Nott!” And this time you push him hard enough having him stumble back. Mattheo, Draco, Pansy, Blaise, and Enzo runs over. Enzo and Pansy helping me, and Draco and Blaise trying to reason with theo to drop it and mattheo yelling at theo.

Theo’s eyes instantly goes to everyone. “You all, stay out of this this is between me and Avery.” Theo says with a annoyed and frustrated voice.

mattheo scoffed telling him “she clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you!” Mattheo yells at theo poking his chest harshly, “leave theo your breaking the poor girls heart even more.” Pansy said rubbing my back as I hug Enzo, theo getting a bit jealous at that.

Theo was getting angrier and annoyed by the second, he wanted to tell everyone to fuck off and take you away from Enzo’s arms, as he saw you hugging him, his jaw slowly clenching.

Blaise sighs and yells at circle around us “show is over you fucking assholes! Go fuck off!” And everyone starts to leave. Then everyone but theo leaves with you, to pansy’s room leaving Theodore in the middle of the hallway.

꧁★☽𖦹☾★꧂

Part two? YAY or NEY.

[deadboyfriendd]

Okay since my last post about Eddie being three raccoons in a trench-coat did so well, I bring more thoughts because I don't know peace, I only know Edward.

He has a bong, that's canon, what's not covered in the show is that that bong is an absolute warcrime. No, seriously, there's so much biohazardous material floating around in the water that he hasn't changed in a hot second that it should be considered a weapon for biological warfare. I think ketamine would be safer than that thing.

He's a music snob, but not like cool hipster likes whatever and will share music snob. No, he gate-keeps shit so bad. It's his safety net. He's a "name three songs" bro. It's super annoying and you want to deck him every single time for it.

On the topic of music, I think he actually really enjoys Woody Guthrie. His acoustic guitar is a direct homage to that. I think Wayne liked it because his mom, Eddie's grandma, liked it and it just became a family thing and it reminds him of when he was young and when his grandma was alive and he at least felt like he had a little more family besides Wayne. I also wrote a Drabble about this that you can find on my Matsterlist. It's called "This Machine Slays Dragons".

He's superstitious and has a couple of weird mental mannerism. He creates little rules in his head that he's followed since he was a kid. He only walks through the right sides of double doors and only on the right side of the sidewalk. He won't step on crack. He always has to see the color of the M&M before he eats it and goes as accurately in the order of the rainbow as he can (this isn't me projecting oops).

Eddie talks to himself out loud. And he's not quiet about it. Everyone all the time is like "did you say something to me?" and he has to be like, "No just myself."

This extends into maladaptive daydreaming. He has ADHD and this is such a form of escapism for him and he's really bad at it. Like one second he's dozing off and then suddenly it's been a couple of hours. He can straight-up turn the lights out up there and let his brain run wild. It's almost a super power at this point.

He is a super messy eater. Like gross. Like get him a bib or something. Like did you actually get any of that into your mouth? I think this also has to do with the ADHD and he can't regulate his hunger when his brain gets fixated so he usually ends up starving and then overeating and he just eats so fast because he's so hungry that he doesn't care if he's getting it all over himself.

He is not a morning person. Trying to wake him up before noon means waging an all-out war, dealing with an actual temper tantrum, and then actually getting into a fight. There's no being nice and gentle and waking him up with a back scratch and a kiss because he sleeps so heavily. But when you yank the blankets off and shake him he gets so irrationally angry that he will say something hurtful and It will start a fight and he might even be mad at you for the rest of the day.

Dating Eddie means scary dog privileges. People are automatically scared of him and he's kinda mastered his front to where can can command a room. No one messes with you. You know that behind that front he's so non-confrontational and honestly not violent in the slightest but he is a protector and will go out of his way to defend you or your honor.

He is a kleptomaniac. He doesn't even mean it. It started with pens and little stuff but then it resulted in you having to remind him to put stuff down and empty his pockets because he just steals shit and can't help it. Eddie is literally a raccoon.

He also chronically doodles on everything. Himself, his notes, his notebook, you. If there's a marker present, somethings getting drawn on, He also likes to sticker-bomb everything he owns. If he had more money to spend on stickers his entire room and Wayne would be covered.

Most people think Eddie hates kids. He doesn't dislike them per se, he's actually just terrified of them. I think he's an only child with no cousins and raised by a man who had to figure out parenting on-the-fly alone. He thinks he's gonna break them or say something inappropriate and damage them for life or make them cry. Like he thinks of seventeen different scenarios in which he can go wrong with a child. However, in the case of Dustin Henderson, if there is a particularly persistent child dead-set on his friendship, he has a homie for life. Eddie would literally die for the children he pack-bonded with if they asked him to.

I literally have so many more of these because Eddie lives in the shallow crevices of my tiny pea-brain and I only ever think about him. If this does well I'll continue to share my thoughts.

[mizusjawline]

The amount of money it takes to buy your freedom

I've been researching child abuse for over half a year now and I've seen posts on almost every aspect of the topic. However, so far I have yet to see a post discussing the financial problems we face. Escaping from an abusive family is goddarn expensive:

Bad financial role models. Coming from an abusive family, our parents views on many things were warped af! You can bet their views on finances were also warped and unrealistic! So we need to learn our financial skills from scratch. Learning is only if possible if you can allow for trial and error. Financial errors can sometimes be very, very expensive.

Moving into your own apartment. Escaping from an abusive family is nigh on impossible if you're still living with said family. However, living spaces are expensive! And for some of us, escaping our abusive family situation comes at the price of homelessness.

No financial safety net. Maybe our parents were too ill or addicted to work a steady job. Maybe our parents have the means to financially support us but choose not to in order to 'punish' us for escaping. Maybe our parents actively used money as a means to control us. Either way, when things get tough, we cannot rely on them for financial aid. This sorta feeds back into the first point about expensive trial and error learning. Sure, we can learn by trial and error. But when we make an error, there is no safety net to support us.

Being able to afford nice things is a necessity for survival. I have yet to meet a child abuse survivor who is not a hedonist. I think that being able to fill your life with nice things is vital for surviving the torturous emotional rollercoaster that is escaping from an abusive family. And sometimes, having a vase of flowers on the table can spell the difference between an emotional breakdown and an Emotional Breakdown. However how are you gonna afford these things if your paycheck only covers the bare minimum for survival (roof over your head, food, ect.)?

Some of us can't work a job. We are all severely disabled by mental health problems as a consequence of our parent's abuse. And sometimes that hinders us from working a job and earning a steady income. What happens if we have no financial buffer to fall back on during those times? Also, again, our parents did not serve as reliable rolemodels. Learning to work a steady job is, again, trial and error learning for most of us.

Therapy, medical attention and diagnoses are expensive. Some of us are lucky enough to live in countries where this is less of an issue. And some of us are unfortunate and live in countries where this is a big issue. A full escape from an abusive family is nigh on impossible without therapy.

Sometimes escaping from an abusive family strikes me as a privilege for the upper class. And this pisses me off to no end. For us child abuse victims, freedom comes with a price tag attached and it is BIG. I live in a society where slavery is illegal and a human life is not supposed to have a monetary value. And yet here I am, watching my bank account balance and wondering if it'll be enough to buy myself my freedom.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[pascalrascal]

had dinner last night with my boyfriend’s parents and their rich friends who made it big in the tech industry in the 80s and 90s. their children were there too and even though they were all very nice, i was shocked by how privileged they are. like… one is an artist, the other one an archeologist, another one a DJ… and none of them are working right now, yet they live in some of the most expensive cities in the world and they keep traveling. so basically they can do whatever they want with their lives and not worry about potential consequences. must be nice to have that kind of safety net lol.

[padfootastic]

dear miss padfootastic: harry learning he's gonna be a dad and promptly losing his mind and going to the only person he can think of for dad advice: sirius.

gosh miss imp i have so many thoughts about this!!!!!! (i wrote almost all of this and realised that i did it post birth lol bc that’s the moment that made the most sense to me but we can easily doctor it to be pre birth as well!!)

- the first time harry holds james sirius in his hands, he has to dip out in three minutes flat to puke all over the nearest washroom. it’s sirius holding him, brushing his hair back, and soothing him on the dirty hospital floor. tells him that he did something super similar when he held harry for the first time too. it doesn’t hit harry then.

- when they’re all back at home, the first few days, it’s all a sort of frantic autopilot where he has no time to think. it’s only when things calm down a bit that he realised how his hands shake and his pulse races when he thinks about being a father. it’s not…debilitating bc it’s his duty, one he asked for, and harry’s never been one to back down from a duty. but it’s still—he doesn’t want to be a passable dad, he wants to be a good one.

- so he goes to the best one he knows: sirius.

- the thing here is, harry thinks he’s gonna be a terrible dad. he was abused and neglected in his most developmental stages of life, never really knew what unconditional love felt like let alone parental, and does not trust himself around a vulnerable defenceless child. knowledge of his anger and it’s consequences does not help.

- but also to consider: sirius had almost an exact similar experience. he was equally terrified to be a godfather for harry bc he never trusted himself w delicate things. so he knows, intimately, what’s it’s like to fear yourself.

- it doesn’t get better with one conversation. sirius knew this going in. what he does, instead, is help harry become confident by being there, always, without fail. makes him see that he’s got this down pat, and his child loves and trusts and adores him and there’s no greater privilege than that. he’s there every single time as a safety net, to tell harry that nothing will go wrong, yes, but also to prove he doesn’t need anyone else.

- it’s also a whole lot of ‘omg this is so difficult, you did this for me?????’ and just. realisations about ‘omg u changed my diaper??? i peED ON YOU??????’ that basically make it impossible for him to look sirius in the eye for a few days.

- another point to consider: harry sees sirius with jemmy from an outsider pov yeah? and he can finally see what others have all this time: how sirius looks at someone he loves wholeheartedly, how much he adores his children. and it’s humbling and awe-inspiring and a bit terrifying. imagining the full force of that love directed towards him, making him wonder what he did to deserve it

- there’s a loooooot of midnight/asscrack of morning firecalls/mirror calls etc for emergency assistance bc ‘are babies supposed to sleep like tho at! he’s been farting all night sirius iTS SO BAD! omg his poop is green padfoot is my baby toxic?????’ ykno. normal new dad stuff.

(and this is random but there’s also one,,,,forbidden conversation with sirius about it he’d ever hated him bc harry had some very unsavoury thoughts in the beginning when he had teddy that he hates himself for to this day and if he has to hear his godfather say he didn’t want him to get rid of them then he’ll do it. it’s a tough but necessary one)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Julian Adorney and Mark Johnson

Published: Apr 3, 2024

Something is wrong in modern life. We're experiencing levels of safety and security that our ancestors would have found unfathomable. According to Statista, the rate of violent crime in the United States fell by almost half from 1990 to 2022. That's not an anomaly; as Harvard University professor of psychology Steven Pinker notes in Better Angels of Our Nature, crime of all kinds has been falling for centuries. We experience far less rape, murder, and robbery than did our ancestors. We're also much less likely to die in war. While the current Israeli-Palestinian conflict is tragic, it's also a far cry from the continent-spanning conflicts of centuries past, like the Thirty Years War or the Napoleonic Wars.

Similarly, we're experiencing a level of material prosperity that our ancestors could only dream of. According to economic historians at the Maddison Project Database, from around 1 CE to 1800 CE, the annual real (or inflation-adjusted) income per person was under $2,000. By 2016, that number in the United States was a comparatively staggering $53,015. Life expectancy for most of human history was around 30 years; in the United States, life expectancy in 2022 was 76.1 years. We even work fewer hours than people even a century ago. 

And yet, in spite of our historical levels of privilege, many of us are miserable. Over 40 million people in the United States suffer from an anxiety disorder. 47 million Americans suffer from depression. As Dr. Alok Kanojia, a psychiatrist at Harvard University, puts it when describing modern life, "Life just seems to be squeezing everyone dry."

What's going on? Why are we struggling so much to cope with the demands of modern life, even though those demands are lighter than anything our ancestors had to contend with? Our ancestors slew dragons on a daily basis; why are we struggling to beat back chihuahuas?

The truth is that humans evolved specific powerful ways to cope with the world. Our ancestors used these to great effect to thrive in conditions of intense danger and poverty. Over the past several decades, most of our society has accidentally turned away from these ways.

In order to cope with negative experiences, we need two things: time and mental space. We need idle time, in which our hands might be occupied but our minds are not, in order to let our minds simply process whatever has happened to us. Here's how Dr. Kanojia describes it: "[emotional] processing is actually…a subconscious or relatively automatic activity that…happens over long periods of time." This is a very powerful process and can help folks to work through brutal experiences. 

In ages past, humans had lots of idle time. We fished, sharpened spears, tended fires, repaired nets, and performed other physical activities that kept our hands busy while leaving our minds free to process the events of the day. By contrast, in the modern world, we have little to no idle time. Every spare minute is filled with distractions: we listen to podcasts, read books, text friends, and check social media ten thousand times per day. As a result, we never actually process our emotions and work through them. Dr. Kanojia describes this phenomenon using an example of a bad date:

"Let's say I have a bad date. What I end up doing immediately after the bad date…is distract myself and then what happens is—as I distract myself—I don't process any of those emotions. They kind of just go dormant…as this goes on again and again and again what we tend to see is that our life is filled with negative impacts that we don't allow ourselves time to actually process."

As humans, we're designed to be very resilient; but a primary mechanism of that resilience is giving ourselves idle time in which to process our emotions. In the absence of that idle time, we start to feel very fragile. As Dr. Kanojia puts it, we experience "death by a thousand cuts." He says he works with a lot of people who "as they try to move through life, they're just getting more and more shriveled and kind of patched up and defunct." Or, as he sums it up, "We're not able to recover from things the way that we used to."

It's not just lack of idle time that's handicapping our ability to cope with life's challenges. Sebastian Junger is a war correspondent who spent time on the front lines of the Afghanistan conflict. In a piece for Vanity Fair titled "How PTSD Became a Problem Far Beyond the Battlefield," he points out that chronic PTSD was rare in pre-modern societies. "Ethnographic studies on hunter-gatherer societies rarely turn up evidence of chronic PTSD among their warriors," he writes, "and oral histories of Native American warfare consistently fail to mention psychological trauma." Even fifty years ago, reports of PTSD were relatively low among soldiers. But modern soldiers experience high rates of PTSD; as of 2015, he notes, fully half of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans applied for disability. As Junger puts it: "They return from wars that are safer than those their fathers and grandfathers fought, and yet far greater numbers of them wind up alienated and depressed."

What's driving this increase in PTSD among modern soldiers? Junger chalks it up to changes in modern society. We evolved as hunter-gatherers; we lived in small communal tribes where we worked, hunted, and slept surrounded by our fellows. That communal experience is common for soldiers, who live in tight-knit platoons and have to rely on their brothers for their daily survival. By contrast, modern civilian society in the United States is isolationist and atomistic. Most of us are lonely; according to an Advisory by the Surgeon General, "In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness." Even those of us with spouses and close friend networks don't experience the deep web of social connection that hunter-gatherers—or many soldiers on active duty—experience.

Leaving a close-knit platoon to return to a society where a "strong support network" might mean a few friends that you see once per week can be jarring. According to anthropologist Sharon Abramowitz, "Our fundamental desire, as human beings, is to be close to others, and our society does not allow for that." 

The alienating effects of modern society can even prevent recovery after a traumatic event. Junger describes an experiment with lab rats in which a rat is traumatized by an attack by a larger rat. The smaller rat, who was frightened but not injured, generally recovered within 48 hours—unless it was kept in isolation. As Junger puts it, "The ones that are kept apart from other rats are the only ones that develop long-term traumatic symptoms." Our veterans spend years overseas in the kind of dense social web that we evolved to thrive in, and then return to a society that feels utterly isolating by contrast. No wonder so many of them experience long-term PTSD.

It's not just veterans who suffer from this alienation, of course. Many Americans experience trauma of some kind. We evolved to heal from that trauma; but when our mechanism for healing (social connection) is hijacked, we shouldn't be surprised when people start to seem more fragile. 

We see the same story in conflict resolution. We have a lot of conflict in our society. According to a 2021 study by the American Enterprise Institute,15 percent of American adults have ended a relationship over politics. 40-50 percent of first marriages end in divorce (and the numbers are even higher for second marriages). And a quick glance at Twitter will reveal that, when it comes to conflict, we're bursting at the seams.

Partly, this is because we don't process our emotions, so they keep bubbling out of us in unpleasant ways. But part of it is that we rarely take advantage of how our bodies were designed to work through conflict.

In his book The Way Out, Columbia University professor of psychology Peter T. Coleman notes that when we have conflict with someone, we normally sit down to hash it out. But this is suboptimal; in fact, it's much more productive to physically move with the person. As Coleman reports, "physically moving in sync with others has been shown to enhance cooperation, prosocial behavior, and the ability to achieve joint goals, and it also increases our compassion and helping behavior." "One study," he said, even "showed that walking in sync with a group of people made them more willing to make personal sacrifices that benefited the group."

When you have conflict with someone, taking a walk or even going for a run with them can be a much more powerful way to get back to peace than simply sitting down with them. Our bodies evolved to move. When we ignore this and assume that our thoughts and our words are the only things that matter, we shouldn't be surprised when conflict starts to feel endemic and unfixable.

Another way to reduce conflict is to take some time away from the conflict to breathe. As psychologist Chris Ferguson explained to us in an interview, doing this can help us to calm down and not fly off the handle at small conflicts. Ferguson explains that "there are two related issues here…emotional responses usually peak immediately after a stressor, then lessen with time, and, second, emotional responses tend to impair problem-solving." "Thus," he argues, "you see people have a bad emotional response, impulsively do something stupid, only to later acknowledge how stupid it was." When we pause and take time to process, we can "evaluate if the situation is really as bad as we initially thought it was" and calibrate our response from there. Again, this is something that most of our ancestors did very easily; in a relatively slow-paced society, you have a lot of time to breathe when it comes to addressing (non-violent) conflict. But in our hyper-online age, we're far more used to experiencing a stimulus (for example, a tweet we don't like) and immediately reacting. That's a formula for conflict escalation that our ancestors rarely had to deal with.

This rejection of our biology and the rhythms for which we evolved is having damaging effects on our psyches. But even more concerning is its erosion of our civic society.

For most of American history, the United States has been characterized by the strong bonds of civic association. In his book Democracy In America, Alexis de Tocqueville observed that the United States was unique in terms of our willingness to band together to form private organizations in order to address problems. In the 20th century, these organizations included religious groups, bowling leagues, charitable organizations, interest groups, trade unions, and more. They bound us together in a tight web of interpersonal associations that helped us feel connected to the world and to our neighbors.

The problem with human connection, though, is that it's inherently risky. If you go on a date, you might find true love…or you might get rejected. If you join a bowling league with your neighbors, you might find a much-needed sense of community…or you might feel humiliated by your low score or hurt by something that another league member said (whether or not their statement was intended to be hurtful). Our ancestors were able to shrug off this risk and deal with the rough-and-tumble of human interaction because they used the powerful strategies that our biology and evolution gave us. But because we've turned away from these strategies, human interaction has started to feel substantially more dangerous. When we stop processing our emotions, we stop recovering from interactions that might rub us the wrong way. We move away from seeing these annoyances as a minor irritant and the small price of human connection and start to experience death by a thousand cuts.

This trend is most pronounced among younger generations, who are more prone to living online and more cut off from in-person connection and physical movement. Is it any wonder that 73% of Gen Z’ers (age 18-22) report "sometimes or always feeling alone?" Or that 63% percent of men aged 18 to 29 are single, according to Pew Research? More and more young people are deciding that IRL social relationships are too risky for them because they've never been taught the coping mechanisms that our bodies and evolution gave us.

The rejection of these coping mechanisms also poses dangers for our republic. Our republic requires that people come together to debate and discuss ideas. As governmental systems go, this is pretty rough-and-tumble. It requires that we engage with people in good faith who might disagree with us or even believe that decisions we have made should be illegal. When we take time to process our emotions, this engagement is highly doable. But when we neglect to do so, these conversations start to feel riskier. We have trouble coping with opposing views and are more likely to stew and ruminate on the perceived awfulness of those views to our psychological detriment. This is made worse by the fact that more people are carrying around a lot of bottled-up anger and frustration, looking to vent it on someone else. We're all getting more angry at the same time that we're getting more sensitive, which is not a recipe for productive conversations. In the absence of these productive conversations, we may find that people lose their appetite for democracy.

This isn't hypothetical. Again, the problems that we've identified in this piece are most acute among younger Americans. And young Americans are indeed losing faith in democracy. Only 59 percent of Americans aged 18-25 agree that "Democracy may have problems, but it is the best system of government" (compared to 74 percent of Americans as a whole). 

So what can we do to ameliorate the malaise of modern society and get back to the emotional peace and well-being that our ancestors experienced? One key is to get back into the rhythms from which we evolved. Cultivate idle time. Develop a closer circle of friends, and spend more time in person with other human beings rather than trying to connect through a keyboard (as far as our evolved brains are concerned, the latter is mostly pseudo-connection anyway). If you're in conflict with someone else, get together in person and physically move through it. Once we start working with our biology instead of against it, we might be surprised at how much better we, and our society as a whole, start to feel.

Another key is to stop letting ourselves be artificially divided into in-groups and out-groups. Illiberal attitudes towards race and gender can certainly contribute to us not interacting as often or as deeply with people who have superficial differences (for example, college students are warned to avoid an ever-increasing list of microaggressions when interacting with someone of a different race or gender, some of which are just basic get-to-know-you questions). But we can choose to not fall into these divides to instead recognize another core component of our biology, which is that we are all one human species and that our differences are dwarfed by our similarities. If we do that, we might all feel a little bit less lonely.

[alectoperdita]

So I wrote a bit for that gang boss!Jou and defense attorney!Kaiba idea. Originally, I had wanted to start it in media res with them already in a relationship, but as soon as I sat down at the keyboard, I spat out a first (re-)meeting and backstory.

Might keep poking at it but not sure what I have here besides some vibes.

But in the words of the impeccable @elexica, the booty is privileged and confidential.

Rated T, has smoking and suggestive language

Read on AO3

---

"Who are you?" the man asked, tonguing the inside of his cheek and puffing out the darkening bruise marring his skin.

A sharp golden gaze swept up and down the length of Seto's body. While it was mostly critical and cautious, a note of appreciation bled through, and if he had to guess, it wasn't in admiration for his stylishly fitted suit. Judging by the loud crimson blazer and tartan plaid slacks, Seto's choice of a classic black suit was a far-cry from his personal preferences.

People dressed for the job they wanted. For Seto, it was the part of a respectable attorney. The other man screamed punk, well, he might've been a punk ten or more years earlier. No, Seto's client was obviously a mid-tier sub-lieutenant with punks under his direction to do his dirty work for him.

Seto was no stranger to clients like this. And most importantly, he wasn't a stranger to this man specifically.

While the appearance—strong square jaw, atrociously bleached hair, and flashy ear piercings—may have changed in the intervening decades, his name had not. Unlike Seto, Jounouchi Katsuya never escaped the orphanage before he aged out. Based on his current situation, it wasn't difficult to surmised what kind of life he led after he finally left that dreadful place.

If not for that name, Seto wouldn't have recognized his once childhood friend. As Jounouchi currently peered at him without a spark of recognition.

But that was a matter to address later. Or maybe never.

"Your lawyer," Seto answered brusquely. "Yoshimori-san sent me."

Breaking eye contact, the blond man stuck a pinky into his ear, reclining and crossing his legs. He looked more like he was lounging at a club than being held for police interrogation. "Good old Yoshimori, ya can always count on him to have yer back."

"Then keep your mouth shut so I can get you out of here," he growled.

His client threw up both hands in capitulation, flashing a surprisingly dazzling grin, split lip and bloodstained teeth and all. "You're the boss."

Seto addressed the detective lingering by the door, as if he was guarding it. "As I understand it, the other party doesn't wish to pursue charges. Not to mention, he's admitted to instigating the fight. It was a misunderstanding. You have no reason to hold Jounouchi-san any longer."

The officer, Sergeant Honda Hiroto as he previously introduced himself, hemmed and hawed. "We're still verifying Mega's liquor and business license."

"Which is Community Safety Bureau," Seto countered. "That shouldn't concern CIB."

He knew how the game was played, though. OCCB and CIB had to make regular shows of force to placate their superiors, which meant scheduled sweeps through the clubs and bars in the nightlife district, seeing what they could catch in their wide trawling nets. Last night's catch included his rambunctious client. But after nearly 10 hours, the police had yet to charge him and they made minimal efforts to keep Seto from seeing him.

In other words, they had nothing and were just trying to run out clock on 48 hours.

"Yeah, I'm just an honest businessman," Jounouchi slumped forward to interject. "And that asshole totally started it. He couldn't keep his hands to himself and was hassling the girls. I wasn't about to let him—"

Seto silenced him with a sharp glower. Jounouchi shut his mouth with an audible click before miming a zipper closing over his lips.

"As Mega's manager, Jounouchi-san has a responsibility for the safety of his staff. If anything, this was an act of self-defense. But if you insist on charging him with assault, I expect a similar charge levied against the other party," Seto said before fishing his phone out of his pocket. "Head Prosecutor Mitsurugi might have something to say to that effect."

As much as Seto disliked name-dropping the prick—not to mention the disgruntled phone call he was bound to receive later, it lit a fire under the cop's ass. But it still took almost an hour to process Jounouchi's release, more dragging feet to mainly inconvenience the gangster. And while billable hours were always appreciated, Seto simply wanted to go home and collapse into bed, sleep a dreamless slumber. Going straight from a two-day depo to handling a new troublesome client wore even him thin.

By the time they left the building, the sun vanished beneath the horizon once more.

"So, do I gotta pay you or what?" asked Jounouchi, rocking back and forth on the ball and heel of his feet. There was a touch of self-consciousness to the action that had been absent inside the police building.

In comparison, Seto's posture remained unnaturally stiff. "It'll be billed to Yoshimori-san's account."

"Aw cool. I mean I'm good for it even if he wasn't. Just ain't got the cash on me at this second." Jounouchi said quickly. He stared at Seto's face for several long seconds, before looking away, jamming his hands into his blazer pockets, and re-emerging with a carton of smokes and a lighter.

"You'll want to do that somewhere else. Unless you want Domino's finest to cart you right back inside," cautioned Seto.

"You're right. Guess that's why you make 'em big bucks." With the unlit cigarette already pinched between his teeth, his eyes crinkled with laughter.

Seto couldn't say what force compelled him to follow the other man. Not nostalgia. Not really. He didn't know this Jounouchi. The boy from his memory sported dark black hair, shaggy and often falling over his brown eyes. At twelve, he'd been gangly, taller than Seto. Now Seto, who didn't hit his growth spurt until his late teens, loomed over him, and Jounouchi had filled out, especially around the shoulders. No wonder Jounouchi didn't recognize him.

Curiosity, perhaps.

Or maybe a search for closure. Then he could bury those memories after tonight.

They rounded the corner, where they found a designated smoking spot. Jounouchi sagged against a wall and flicked his lighter to life, then paused. The small dancing flame illuminated his face, glinted off his gold piercings and chain jewelry, alit his hair with orange.

"Did you want one?" he asked, curiosity and something else shining from deep in his eyes.

Seto could bid him a good night here. He did his job. That was the only reason for his presence. Instead, he reached into his inner jacket pocket and produced a slim black electronic cigarette. "No thanks. I have my own."

Jounouchi made a faint huffing noise. "Mr. Fancy Pants here."

The fire seared the cigarette's tip and ignited a red cherry. In contrast, Seto's e-cig emitted a calming blue light. They puffed withing seconds of each other, smoke streaming out of their mouths and noses only to twine together and ascend into the darkening night sky. For several moments, there was no conversation. Merely sharing the same space as they each partook of their vice.

Unsurprisingly, Jounouchi broke the silence first. He was quick to get antsy even as a child. But there was a kind of mindfulness and purpose of action that Seto hadn't seen in their youth.

"Are ya sure we haven't met before? You seem familiar." Jounouchi tilted his head as he considered Seto at length. After another beat, a cocksure smile spread across his lips. "Maybe you've been to Mega before. But I'm pretty sure I would've bought you a drink in that case."

Seto coughed. And it wasn't due to the smoke suddenly pooling in his lungs. "No. I've never been."

Jounouchi's face lit up. "You should come by sometime! Like tonight. Bet you could use a good time after a long day of hanging around all them stuffy lawyers."

"Need I remind you that I'm a 'stuffy lawyer' too?" Seto asked stiffly.

Laughter peeled out of Jounouchi. He lurched forward and strung a muscled arm around Seto's shoulders. His warm breath washed over Seto's ear as he spoke in a hushed suggestive tone. "Aww, you're too cute to be walking around with a stick up yer ass unless... I'm sure we can take that to a love hotel."

Heat swept through Seto like a wildfire. It dried his mouth. His mind blanked. Jounouchi was flirting with him. Trying to pick him up with zero regard to who Seto was—a stranger, a lawyer who hauled his ass out of the police station not minutes ago, his childhood friend he hadn't seen in decades and apparently forgot about.

His first kiss, an innocent one they snuck under a shadowed canopy when they were thirteen. Faster than lightning and never to be repeated again. But it lived on in Seto's memory, a shimmering spot in an otherwise bleak childhood.

For an instant, he considered letting that invitation play its course. Whether it ended with a drink at the club that Jounouchi now managed or them tangled between each other's sweaty limbs and the hotel sheets. Criminal record or not, and there was decidedly one, Jounouchi had grown into a devilishly handsome man. His touch already set Seto aflame. And it felt like forever since Seto had that chance to indulge with a like-minded individual.

His profession was a painfully conservative one. Even if there were those willing to get into bed with the mob.

So why not actually get into bed with the mob?

A roll in the hay. A fun romp for everyone involved. No strings attached. No muss, no fuss.

Slowly, Seto exhaled. He powered off his e-cig and slipped free of Jounouchi's arm. "Have a good evening, Jounouchi-san. Should you need legal counsel in the future, you can get in contact with Kaiba and Ishida."

He didn't bother leaving a business card. Instead, he swiftly cut across the lot toward his car.

"Don't be like that. You could at least give me a ride!"

"I don't think we're headed in the same direction. It's easy to catch a taxi in this area." He said without looking back.

Jounouchi gave chase, though. "Ain't got cash. Think they nicked my spare change."

His footsteps quickened. "Then file a complaint at the station."

"Hey, bro—"

"Don't call me—"

"Seto!"

Seto stopped in his tracks before pivoting sharply. "What did you say?"

"Seto. That's your name, right?"

Jounouchi slowed to a stop, huffing as he bent over and braced his knees. This time, the smile he flashed was more dopey. It was almost as fond as yesteryears.

But they were both changed. Grown. Too many lost years stood between them now.

Seto's mouth dried a second time. "I thought you'd forgotten."

As Jounouchi straightened, he dropped his cigarette and stamped it out beneath his heel. Seto remained glued to his spot as Jounouchi closed the distance again. Yet he startled when a warm, calloused palm cradled his cheek.

And he was struck by the strangeness of peering down at Jounouchi's face when the reverse had been true last time.

"Forget those gorgeous blue eyes? Never," muttered Jounouchi. He stood so close that Seto could smell the tar on his breath.

Despite the tender gesture and words, annoyance crested in a wave. It bled straight into his speech. "So was all that before your idea of a sick joke?"

"Nah, I meant it. I mean, I was totally trying to pick you up. And you seemed familiar. Then it hit me when you walked away. I... I can't believe it's really you. Why didn't you say something earlier?"

Seto bit his bottom lip. Jounouchi's eyes darkened, but not from want or arousal. A black cloud swept over his face. His hand fell away like a rock.

"Oh, I see. Can't be seen associating with the riff-raff," he snorted. "Well, thanks for the rescue, I guess. See ya in another 15 years."

With a mind of its own, Seto's hand shot out, seizing Jounouchi's wrist so the other man couldn't slip into the dark and vanish from Seto's life again. "Don't put words into my mouth," he spat through gritted teeth. "This isn't a good place to discuss this."

This being the middle of the police headquarters' visitor parking lot. Where any law enforcement official could come across their unexpected heart-to-heart.

Without releasing Jounouchi's hand, in fact his grip tightened, he pulled Jounouchi along to where his car was parked two aisles over.

The gangster let loose an impressed whistle when Seto unlocked the vehicle, a Lexus sedan. "You are doing well for yerself, ain't ya, Seto?"

The use of his given name made his skin crawl. But not enough that Seto considered abandoning him at that parking lot. Jounouchi didn't wait for an explicit invitation before he slipped into the passenger's seat. Resting one hand on top of the hood, Seto took a fortifying breath and hoped he wasn't making a mistake.

"So where are we headed?" asked Jounouchi.

"Seatbelt," he grumbled before keying the ignition.

"Yeah yeah yeah."

With his passenger buckled in, Seto navigated his car out of the lot and into Domino's streets.

Less than a minute passed before Jounouchi repeated his question. "Where are we going?"

Seto was still considering the options. For once, he didn't have a plan, much less know what his desired end goal was. Keeping his gaze fixed on the road ahead, he eventually replied, "You asked for a ride."

"Hmm, a 'ride,' huh?"

Something landed high on his right thigh. A quick downward glance confirmed it was Jounouchi's hand. Seto white-knuckled the steering wheel.

"Jounouchi," he growled as a warning.

A sigh, then Jounouchi's hand retracted. Seto's leg tingled in the wake of its departure.

"You seriously need to lighten up. You don't wanna talk. You don't wanna fuck. Whaddaya want, Seto?"

Jounouchi's gaze bore into the side of his face, and Seto hoped it was dark enough to hide the heated flush flooding his face.

He cleared his throat before declaring, "I want a drink."

Jounouchi hummed. Hard to tell if it was in agreement or in acknowledgment, though.

When he leaned forward, Seto couldn't help but tense. But Jounouchi was fiddling with the buttons on his dashboard until the radio blared to life. It was still tuned to the same talk news channel that Seto listened to on his morning commutes. A female announcer was in the middle of presenting the world news, and she barely got three sentences into a story about oil prices before Jounouchi jabbed another button, cutting her off. The other man cycled through the channels, never lingering for more than five seconds. Seto left him to it. It was better than making awkward conversation or enduring Jounouchi's attempts at flirtation.

Eventually, Jounouchi settled on a station playing jazz. As the crooning sounds of a saxophone played from his stereo speakers, Seto arched an incredulous eyebrow.

Jounouchi must've caught his look. "What? I can class it up if I want."

Something close to laughter huffed out of Seto. He made no further comment for the rest of the drive. Thankfully, neither did Jounouchi. Seto's own thoughts were already loud enough to drown out the music.

[kickthecan-revolution]

Lately I’ve been thinking about my mom and how if I could gotten out of my own way, I might have been able to experience more of her. I’m not beating myself up over it, I did what I did at the time, there’s no use rehashing it with a hypercritical filter. I do wish I’d experienced more genuine gratitude for how they both took such good care of us in so many ways - I always knew I had a place to stay, that I had a safety net. I was never physically afraid for my safety, not from them or anyone else. There are so many people who experience violence and terror everyday and I’ve had none of that. The privilege is pretty enormous .

I wish I could tell you all of that, mama. I wish I could have healed enough where I wasn’t hiding so much, where I wasn’t pretending. At the time, it seemed like the kindest and most realistic option for us both but I’m sorry I didn’t give us more of a chance. I focused on all of the worst parts of you and as time grows with you not here, those fade and get so much smaller. What I remember now is all of the beautiful parts of you that I didn’t focus on enough.

[soverane]

i've been thinking about ningguang's and yelan's individual character arcs and how to weave them together from start to finish. in terms of approach to life, general disposition, and level of maturity. i like to think they each mature differently, and that they played a role in each other's growth.

ningguang: starts out serious, ambitious, goal-oriented, forward-looking, very hard on herself, constantly on survival mode —> eventually loosens up, learns to go easy on herself, learns to enjoy, have fun, TAKE BREAKS, be silly, be unserious, love freely bc life is short, live in the present moment, learning selflessness, humility, sacrifice, duty, overcoming grief, realizing that with great power comes great responsibility

yelan: starts out indifferent, very flighty, avoidant, somewhat emotionally unavailable in most of her relationships (especially with family), a realist, intellectually aware of her privilege but behaviorally 'blind' to how the normalcy of her own social safety nets and opportunities are actually a far-fetched dream for many Liyue citizens, desires to 'break free' from familial obligations and expectations yet still valuing their approval, very black sheep-esque —> opening up more, being vulnerable, cherishing her friends, seeking a simpler, quieter, or more easy-going daily lifestyle, maybe a developing sense of impostor's syndrome/survivor's guilt, still nonchalant but in a more maturely carefree way, still grapples with her being worthy of unconditional love and loyalty

yelan sort of sombers down, while ningguang sort of loosens up while also carrying the weight of newfound responsibility to not only care for her personal survival (as she used to do), but the survival of an entire Archonless nation.

[whentherewerebicycles]

also I want to know if the universities in europe or idk even the american small liberal arts colleges are as intensely, obsessively, all-consumingly focused on “career readiness” as we are. I think it is partly a culture and demographic thing here like we have a very large population of students who are taking on financial hardship/pressure to be in college and who need to be making money as soon as they graduate to secure their financial situation or their family’s. but also man idk it feels like everything is so rigidly tracked out and the messaging is very much “maybe you can spend the first half of your first year ~exploring your interests~ but then you gotta LOCK IN and start stacking that resumè with internships and coding classes.” idk man my undergrad experience was wack in a bunch of of ways but I am kinda newly grasping what a privilege it was to spend four or five years of undergrad thinking about theory and reading massive novels and taking a ton of Greek history classes just because I developed a little crush on mary renault’s alexander the great. I was certainly thinking about what kind of profession I might go into but it was always presented as “in what field will your mind & talents flourish most?” and not like, you must do XYZ to be competitive for the market. idk!!! I do get that having a strong financial safety net frees you up to do frivolous things and not count the cost. but I also think it can become one of those things where only a certain strata of society is given the space and encouragement to explore beautiful ideas or to study things that have no economic value just because they interest you. and idk I have worked with plenty of kids who did not have the same financial safety net I did but who were just as entranced by the ideas that entranced me as a college student and just as uninterested in learning to code so you can work for google or whatever. so I can’t really buy the messaging that, as one person told me recently, “the one thing that motivates students is career readiness.” like IS that the one thing that motivates them??? maybe???? or by always presenting things in the language of career readiness are we complicit in foreclosing other possibilities and narrowing kids’ understanding of what college can be for???? IDK no answers just hmmm