#most things i used to dislike (mostly because other people did lamely enough) i love now

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 8

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Dr's appointment early in the morning, then had to go to the bank and pick up one other thing after. Of course since minimal exertion somehow makes me exhausted for the entire day because of the many wretched curses upon my physical form, I didn't accomplish much else lol..

Took pictures of the avocado pit carved items. Not sure when I'll have the time to edit and post them.

FINALLY did plant the Nasturtiums, and a few other plants! I dislike most "yardwork", especially pulling weeds, because it's hard for me to tell what counts as a "weed" or not, since some of these apparent "weeds" are also pretty flowers and I feel bad for destroying them. A while ago at a relative's house they were doing yardwork and I saw a pile of some of these "weeds" on the ground, so I took a few home to try and replant them. I finally got around to putting them in real containers today, and most of them seem to be doing well so far.

Unfortunately the 'forget me not' flowers (some of my favorites because of blue being one of my favorite colors) never seem to transplant well, after multiple attempts at saving them from people's yards and thinking I've dug down deep enough to get all the roots this time and etc. etc. , they just seem to kind of flop and die after replanting them.. epic gardening fail.. misery and sadness . so on and so forth

Edited next sims let's play video for like barely 15 minutes.

Thought about a few ideas for the story I think I mentioned in the first Daily Log about a doctor and magical experiments. :3c

Had a lot of what seems like nerve pain?? or something?? in my arms radiating down to my fingertips and wrists (likely something to do with my shoulder blades/chest/back of upper neck/shoulder area being perpetually problematic), so I didn't do a lot of work with my hands or computer stuff for long.. stimky

Sketched out one of the border sections for the tapestry painting thing, but really Thought About It more than Did Any Tangible Progress.

Washed like two miserable little dishes in my cringe fail kitchen sink with my loser lame achy fingers and hands

Notable sights: SAW SOME GEESE when walking past a park today!!!! I rarely ever see geese, mostly just ducks and common birds and squirrels around here. There were also some interesting plants I briefly got to look at in a store on the way home from my appointment. I don't even want much in life (yet it all seems so unattainable for someone in my situation lol), like I don't want to have a mansion or anything, but just a modest little house with a small yard would be so cool.. I would love to actually curate a real permanent garden instead of everything having to be in pots all the time. connection across time with my very likely peasant ancestors, looking up to the sky like 'ah, if only I were part of the landowning class'

Goals moving forward: SUPER focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have, because I keep ignoring this for weeks and I am never going to have a social support network if I don't actually build one lol.. Living in a broad interconnected society where social tethers are pivotal for survival (unless you're rich - and even then, social connections likely help substantially in career and etc. - most currently rich people had rich parents, etc. etc.) is so antithetical to my hermit nature.. aughhh....Why so inherently difficult for brain to Process Socialization And Communication. >:V

Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: ASPARAGUS DAY FghdhVGVTYYEAAAAA!!! asparagus squad1!!!!! Also went against the evil nutritionist diet and allowed myself one serving of bread which I used to make a spicy turkey wrap sort of thing. >:) I miss being able to make spicy pickled onions and stuff. Still wishing for heartier food too.. I get blood testing soon, so maybe I'll find out if I'm actually deficient in something that's giving me constant cravings lol..

[fennuchi]

everytime I look at this old blog I get a little embarrassed. Everytime I log into this account I can just feel the cringe running its course like wow. I used to really be like this. how did anyone put up with me

[elivanah-writes]

Gift of the gods ~2~

pairing: Paul Lahote x female!pagan!reader

Sum: y/n struggles with her feelings 

warnings: fluff, a bit angst

Yes there will be a part 3

masterlist   part 1

Ever since the day Kim and y/n had breakfast at Emily’s and had met Paul things had changed. She couldn’t really describe how but she felt it. Emily and the guys had been so welcoming to her and just accepted her into their group. It was nice, she had a harder time than others to trust people and she really felt like she could trust these people. She felt at ease like she belonged here. But she knew it wasn’t really the group that made her feel like that. It was mostly Paul. At the end of that day, Paul and she had exchanged phone numbers after they had sat on the beach talking while the rest of the guys played soccer. Even from those few hours of talking she could feel the connection between them like it just clicked between them. At first, she thought it was weird how quickly she felt at ease with him but then again not much surprised her anymore. And she had asked the gods for balance, who wasn’t to say that just like Kim had said the gods could have granted her wish in the form of a person?

The following few weeks she and Kim spend almost every day with Emily and the guys when they weren’t working. By the end of the first week, she really saw them all as friends. It was easy to say that she even had started to develop feelings for Paul, she didn’t know yet how strong those feelings were, but she had them. She knew he was interested in her too, he had even asked her on a date not long after that day on the beach. But she had to let him down, she really wanted to say yes but dating him would make leaving so much harder. And she knew a long-distance relationship was not something that would work for her. He understood, said that he’d be anything for her that she wanted, a brother or a best friend, he even kept the option of a lover open for her if she ever decided to give a relationship with him a shot. That only made her feelings for him grow. The way he talked to her, made her laugh or smile when she felt down. It was like he just knew what she needed, and he just gave it to her. 

La Push had always been her home, it seems that being back here only made that even more clear to her. Where she lived now she never had felt like she was home, even the people she had around her, her adoptive family never felt like real family to her, she only had a good relationship with her mother, she’d do everything for her. Being back where she was truly happy made her rethink everything.

It was her last week in La Push and she didn’t know how to feel, she felt torn. She wanted nothing more than to stay here and give in to whatever she was feeling for Paul. But sadly, things weren’t that easy. She had a job to go back to, her adoptive family. She couldn’t leave just like that. 

That’s how she found herself back at the beach at sunset, she had spent most of the day hanging out with Kim and Jared but she had felt like she was third-wheeling most of the time. She had muttered some lame excuse and walked the short distance to the beach where she found her usual spot and sat down. This time she wasn’t going to start a ritual, she was just going to pray to the gods. She tried to calm her racing heart as much as she could, took a few deep breaths, and cleared her mind before softly speaking.

“Make me strong in spirit, courageous in action, gentle of heart, let me act in wisdom, conquer my fear and doubts, discover my own hidden gifts, meet others with compassion, be a source of healing energy, and face each day with hope and joy” she repeated the mantra a few times until she felt completely calm and had a clear mind. She knew she could make decisions better with a clear mind. It had felt like only a few minutes had passed since she had arrived at the beach but when she looked up, she saw that the sun had gone down completely and made place for the dark night. She must have zoned out for quite some time because she could hear voices calling out for her. As fast as she could she got to her feet and slipped from behind the bushes and surely, she could see Paul and Jared walking straight at her spot calling out her name. It was like they knew she would be here.

“I’m here! Sorry, I lost track of time.” She spoke as she walked in their direction. “How did you even know that I was here?” 

“Kim told us you like to come to the beach to think so we figured that we would find you here,” Paul said as he scratched the back of his neck like he wasn’t completely sure of what he was saying. Kim never knew about her usual spot on the beach so she knew Kim couldn’t have told them, but she didn’t call him out on it. “Well, I’m taking Kim to dinner, so I need to get going if we want to be on time. See you guys later.” Jared said before taking off leaving her and Paul alone on the beach.

“Walk with me?” 

“Sure” she smiled as he held her hand and started to walk together along the shore. 

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said after a long comfortable silence “I don’t really know how to start. It’ll actually sound crazy, but I need you to trust me.”

“Of course, you can tell me anything, Paul. Whatever it is, I’ll promise that I won’t judge you.” She reassured him and softly squeezed his hand letting him know he could go on.

“I don’t know if Kim ever told you about our tribe’s legends?”

 “Her parents did, I think, back when we were little. I thought those stories were amazing, how some of your tribe members are supposed to transform into these giant wolves to protect the rez, right? At least that’s what I remember, it’s been a long time since I last heard them.” She smiled as she thought back to the times that Kim’s mother tucked them into bed and told them all these stories.

“Yeah, that’s the essence of the legend. But what if I said that those aren’t just stories, what if…?” 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” she quickly says when he didn’t finish his sentence. she knew that the wolf she had seen on her first night here in La Push had seemed familiar when she thinks back to it, the wolf’s eyes had looked so much like Paul’s. And in a way she felt like she had always known, he had been the wolf that had been watching her as she did her ritual. 

“What?” Paul asked a bit confused and stopped walking to turn towards her; this wasn’t how he thought she would react. Yes, he had expected her to take it better than how most people would but this he didn’t understand.

“The day I arrived, I came to the beach and I saw two wolves. You were one of them, weren’t you?”

Paul could only stare at her in amazement. She knew, she just knew and didn’t freak out about it.

“How did you know?” He asked softly

“When we met at Emily’s I already had the feeling that we’ve met before, your eyes just seemed so familiar, and then one day when we were talking you just looked me straight in the eye and I just knew where I had seen your eyes before. It was those wolf’s eyes, it was you,” she explains with a soft smile.

“So you’re not afraid of me?”

“No, of course not. Call it strange, but I knew you’d never hurt me from the first second that I saw you. I felt a connection like it was meant to be.” 

“I’d die before I’d ever hurt you. I promise you I’ll never hurt you,” he said as he cupped her cheek with his free hand looking at her like she had hung the moon and stars in his sky. Little did she know that was exactly how he felt. The moment was so intimate that neither noticed that they started to lean into each other until their noses touched. Before Y/n really knew it soft warm lips brushed over hers and for a minute she forgot all about why she felt like a relationship with him wouldn’t work. At that moment it was only him and her and nothing else mattered but them. If she had to describe it she’d say that a bomb of butterfly’s exploded inside her belly. If she wasn’t sure about her feelings for Paul, she was now, she was in love with him. Her mind was clear, no worries, no questions, just warmth and him. She let herself be selfish for once. Pressing her lips fully against his deepening the kiss into a passionate embrace of their lips. She doesn’t know how long they stood there with one of his hands on her cheek while his other hand was still holding hers as their lips and tongues danced with each other. 

The days following that kiss felt like she went through hell, it’s not like she regretted the kiss but it had complicated things. Leaving La Push, leaving Paul was going to be one of the hardest things she needed to do. That day after he dropped her off at Kim’s place she had cried herself to sleep, mourning a life she wished she could have with Paul here in La Push. For once in her life, she disliked the fact that she had a family and a job waiting for her to come back to. The following days she stayed inside her room, silenced her phone, and kept herself busy with packing her bags. Both Paul and Kim tried to talk to her, tried to figure out what was wrong but they were met with silence. That was until Kim had enough of her sulking and just used the spare key to open her bedroom door. Kim’s heart broke a little when she saw her best friend sitting in a corner of the room with teary eyes. She just sat down next to her, pulled y/n into her embrace, and cried with her like she already knew what she was going through. 

“ Whatever you decide to do, this will always your home too y/n,” Kim said later that night when they lay on her bed before the two of them fell asleep. 

Friday had never come this quick before, all her bags were packed and loaded into Kim’s father’s truck ready to drive her to the airport. Kim’s family had wanted to throw her a goodbye party but y/n shut that down as soon as they had vocalized the idea. Instead, she just wanted to spend her last hours in La Push with them as a family. Now she sat on the edge of her bed, taking in the room for the last time when suddenly there was a knock on her already open door. She expected it would be Kim or her father, but instead, she saw Paul standing there leaning against the doorpost. When their eyes met he gave her a soft smile that didn’t reach his eyes completely. He looked like he hadn’t slept more than a handful of hours in the last few days and she knew that it was probably because of her but still he smiled at her. 

“So you were leaving without saying goodbye?” He said. It was more a statement than a question.

“I’m sorry, I just thought it would be easier like that.” She softly says as she turns her eyes back to her hands.

“Why would that be easier? Please talk to me, don’t shut me out.” Paul asks as he makes his way into her room and sits down next to her. “Because it just makes leaving harder, I can’t say goodbye to you.”

“Then don’t, don’t leave. Stay here with me.” he pleads, takes one of her hands in his, and gives it a soft squeeze so she would look up at him.

When their eyes meet again he can clearly see the tears in them ready to fall. 

“ As much as I’d want to stay I can’t. Please don’t make this harder Paul,” 

As soon as she started talking the tears fell, her heart already starting to break.

“If you want to stay, then stay. We can work something out, we can work. What, what about that kiss? You can’t deny that it felt right, amazing even.” he spoke like he was getting desperate.

“Yes that kiss was amazing and felt right but it complicated everything. I really like you, a lot, but I have a life back home, people who expect me to come home.” 

“I know, I’m not asking you to give them up. I’m asking you to give me a chance, to give us a chance.” He says turning his body fully in her direction.

“Look I know this isn’t the way I wanted to tell you but there is another part of the legend that I haven’t told you yet. Every wolf has this ability to imprint. It’s when we find that one person and you look at her for the first time and suddenly it’s not gravity that holds you, it’s her. She gives the wolf balance, peace. The wolf’s whatever the imprint wants him to be, a brother, protector, a friend, or a lover. they’re soulmates.” He explains as he looks at her hopefully.

“I’m your imprint.”

It was something she already knew deep inside herself, it might not be in the same words but she knew, she felt it. He brought her balance and she had never felt more at peace and loved. That’s why it was that much harder. Soulmate or not, long-distance would never work, but then again staying wasn’t an option. She had too many people depending on her back home, she couldn’t leave them fending for themselves. She couldn’t be selfish even if she wanted to be.

“Yes, you’re my imprint.” He smiled weakly as she just cried a bit harder than she already was and without thinking he pulled her against his chest. He knew he couldn’t force her to stay so his heart broke together with hers. He understood why she was leaving and couldn’t stay. But you couldn’t fault a man for trying, he wanted what’s best for and if that was not here with him then he had to let her go.

“Can we at least stay friends, stay in touch?” he asked her while a tear of his own fell.

tags:

@its-la-push   @ghostmistwalker @bisexualcrazybeans @fatiguing-thoughts @pawfect-melody

[agent-cupcake]

just curious, what’s your favorite and least favorite character design? my least fav for sure has got to be female byleth for reasons i don’t want to get in to yep ok have a good day 😁

IOops this accidentally became a rant, sorry

Okay so, to preface this all, I’m not a character designer and I’m actually pretty bad at it, but my rule of thumb with really unappealing or fan-service outfits is whether or not it makes sense character-wise and how much it tells the player about the character. For example, I think we can all agree that there’s quite a bit of fan-service elements in Hilda’s design. Boob window. However, it’s not unrealistic to imagine Hilda picking out those clothes for herself. Her costume tells you almost everything you need to know about her character on a visual level. She’s confident, pretty, attention-grabbing, and high maintenance while the gloves and laced girdle give a nod to her Viking-maiden roots.

Taking it to female Byleth, I don’t think that her outfit works on either front. Her design is definitely my least favorite and it’s not helped by the fact that you have to look at her at all times. Whatever. The huge, solid mass of boobs, the buttoned bib, the big eyes, the feather hair, the bellybutton, the ripped tights, the booty shorts. She’s a merc out in life and death situations with an accessible, pale, tacky 2000′s “stab me” stomach cut out and a wedgie. Which could be excusable if, like Hilda, there was reason to believe that that her costume was character choice. But she doesn’t really have much character, and what there is gives the impression of a very stoic, dry, blunt person. I have no idea why they’d have gone that route when the sexual appeal of more “utilitarian” costuming (aka, form fitting armor that at least pretends to be functional) for characters like her is scientifically proven AND would say more about the singular personality trait she possesses. Okay, well, I know why they didn’t do that and I think it’s lame. This dysfunction of “character designer wanted a sexy girl but it’s kinda random and just shoved in the game without any thought” actually reminds me a lot of Xenoblade 2′s leading ladies, Hikari and Pyra. Although considering that their bad designs led to a lot of people hating the game for superficial reasons while accepting female Byleth’s design, I guess I’m just bitter. Jumping to a different comparison, then, look at 2B from Nier Automata. Her design is fine as hell which is kinda hypocritical of me considering that it's explicitly fan-service, but I think it also shows the most damning thing for female Byleth. Her whole look, despite having a dozen different element thrown in, is boring. Maybe it’s the colors (dressing her in all black and white would have been really interesting considering the colors of the three lords are so heavily emphasized as a part of their characters) or maybe it’s just the way the desperate elements come together. But, like I said, I'm not even slightly knowledgeable about character design and I know that despite Three Houses being mostly separate, they had to appeal to a larger aesthetic brand to which I have little experience with. And, ultimately, a lot of people find her cute or sexy which...To each their own, I suppose. I don’t pretend that fan-service doesn’t work on me (2B... Cloud’s arms in the remake... Seph's shirtless Smash skin...) but when it’s this obviously inserted in by the character designers rather than feeling organic in any way AND looks bad I'm just not super interested.

The other worst designs for me would be all four of the Ashen Wolves post timeskip. I don't think it's controversial to say that they didn't try with the clothes, even if I love their designs from the neck up (Yes, even Balthus. He looks like the type of guy that would let you sit on his shoulders at a rock concert so you could see the stage). While there are other designs I think are unappealing, those are for purely aesthetic reasons and so I can't maintain the opinion that they're actively bad or that I even truly dislike them.

As for favorite looks... I actually have a few so sorry you're getting all of them because despite the shit I'm talking, I actually really really love the character designs in Three Houses. 

Ferdinand's post timeskip is one of my favorite designs, if not my favorite. The hair, the coat, the armor, the spurs, the colors. You know exactly who Ferdinand von Aegir is just by looking at him. He’s wealthy, handsome, confident in his appearance, a hero, a princely type character, his battle form is mounted combat which is traditionally aesthetically reserved for nobility and leaders... I love it. The only reason I cannot say he IS my favorite is because of the three Lords. But before them, my honorable mentions include post timeskip Hilda, Dorothea, Lorenz, Felix, and Hubert. Granted, I could make a case for why I like almost all of the student’s post timeskip looks.

For the Lords, I obviously have to start with colors because, weirdly enough, Persona didn’t invent primary colors but are actually used as shorthand. Blue is the color of honor, loyalty, sincerity, sadness, and depression. Something I’ve always found very interesting is that blue is very rarely found in nature. To me, that’s always made it seem more lonely which, at least in this case, is thematically relevant. People call Dimitri boring pre timeskip and while I won’t defend his hairstyle (okay, actually, I probably would because he tucks it behind his ears and idk why but that’s one of the cutest things ever) I really like how unassuming he is. Bland. He’s supposed to be the plain shortbread cookie to caramel deLite Claude and strawberry meringue Edelgard. It is not in his character to draw attention to himself or stand out. To me, he kinda looks like an old Barbie prince, like he should have been named Dominic. Also I love the blue eyes/blonde hair thing and his more angular features. It really helps to sell him as the fakeout chivalrous prince type. Post timeskip, Dimitri's black armor is amazing. I love the fact that it’s a lot more intricate up-close with the different little shell-like pieces and the fact that his boots are furry. I love the big cape and the black and white fur around his shoulders. It’s really cool how they used his costume to change the shape of his in-game model to match the bodily proportions of the character art. It’s easier to see when you change his costume into the DLC ones, but the fur and cape build up his shoulders and chest look more broad while keeping that tiny little waist. The choice to give Dimitri an eyepatch is probably my favorite thing about this design. It’s genuinely inspired. Such a simple detail yet it tells the player everything they need to know about adult Dimitri when they see him post timeskip, in one frame the player can begin to understand the extent of his loss over the past five years. The subtle shadow under his eye in the first few Azure Moon chapters and the messy long-ish hair really help to sell the feral prince aesthetic as well, as it’s from those small cues the player gets that he’s exhausted (in more ways than one) and doesn’t maintain himself. None of these things are intentional choices by Dimtiri, they’re the result of what his character has been through.

Yellow is an intense, energetic color. Mostly, people think of it as being warm and inviting, the color of the sun and positivity. That intensity can be overwhelming, though, too visually demanding when compared to its primary counterparts. Don’t stare at the sun too long. Buuuut, it’s okay to stare at Claude. Claude not wanting to wear tight pants in either of his costumes is not only a mood, it is iconic. Pre timeskip, the softer lines of his silhouette makes him look kinda slouchy, kinda lazy. Like he’s not too concerned with appearances. But those adorably messy curls, the little braid, the clearly tended eyebrows, and earring make it clear that he DOES care about appearances and is very aware of his allure. And that’s before he even starts winking. It is honestly so in character that as many people picked him first on the basis of being thirsty, that feels like an intentionally Claude thing even if it was inserted by the designers. The contrast of his complexion with his seagreen eyes is gorgeous and instantly adds a kind of mystery and intrigue to him considering the setting... but it’s sf funny that nobody looked at bronze god Claude among a sea of white faces and thought something was up. Post timeskip, they used the same trick like they did with Dimitri to change Claude’s in-game model to match his canon appearance. The way they designed his uniform makes him not look as twink-ish, like he’s actually muscular and imposing and has the strength he’d need to shoot a war bow with a 120lbs draw weight. Also like Dimitri, you can instantly tell what Claude’s been up to. Like, he was very pretty pre timeskip but when he shows up in the Goddess Tower after those five years in all that gold, he demands your attention. Like a gentleman general with the excessive aesthetic ideals of the Alliance and details to imply his heritage. The quilted pants are amazing from both an aesthetic and practical standpoint. He’s a mounted unit riding a creature with scales, of course he’d want something on his legs for protection. And the chinstrap. I love that so much, it definitely makes him look more adult. He’s got such a cute soft baby face, it’s fun imagining him experimenting with different styles during the five years to get the most desired physical reaction to him as a leader. 

Frenchfries, meet forehead. No, actually, Edelgard’s design is really fantastic. Claude and Dimitri both have realistically colored eyes and hair and then there’s Edelgard. Dimitri shrugs off attention physically and Claude shirks it with a wink but Edelgard commands the players attention from the very start. Although I’m sure there’s a lot of things to associate with white hair and purple eyes, my first thought was Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Otherworldly beautiful by with an edge. Red, of course, is The power color. Strong emotions, love and hate. Red is also associated strongly with blood, which is very important to Edelgard’s plot. Granted, I think the red and black association is even more powerful than JUST red and red is the cheapest play to make in regards to displaying villainy (I mean, there are some pretty universally recognized associations with red and black and it led to people making some unfair comparisons between Edelgard and a famous dictator) but I think it was effective and well used and I genuinely enjoy its use in her case. Anyway, if I had a major complaint about her design it would be the weird ashy color of her hair whereas Lysithea’s hair is pure white. Which doesn’t even matter with the AMAZING hair horns. Ram horns can actually symbolize quite a few things, but their association with power and strength is pretty universal I think. They’re also used in demonic imagery. I love that THIS was her alternative to a crown. Edelgard views herself as a force of war and power before she thinks of herself as royalty. She also mentions that she isn’t super vain, but she loves to do her hair, so the hair being the most elaborate part of her look is entirely in-character. Edelgard’s ensemble is, like Claude, very militaristic. I love that they kept her in a dress that embraces femininity without showing skin as that wouldn’t really suit her Also, again, Edelgard demands your attention. She’s dressed all in bright bright red waving around a giant axe. She is a symbol as much as she is a combatant, someone to follow. I didn’t really mention their secondary lord costumes, but a girl in sexy armor is literally everything and I love that they had the balls to put their main sexy waifu girl in full body armor.

Okay I’m sorry I realize this was excessive and probably didn’t need explaining and I’m not sure I even articulated my thoughts properly but anyway I love their designs so here is the positivity I’ll put into the world.

[impalementation]

Do you think the trio were good as villains? (As foils, as obstacles etc) I know people tend to dislike them in general

Anonymous asked:

Why do you think “the trio” make sense as the antagonist of season 6?

i’m combining these two asks together, since they’re both about the trio.

i love the trio as villains. they might even be my favorite villains in the whole show. angelus and glory are both classic, and easily my favorites after, but the trio just get under my skin—much like season six in general—in a way those classic villains don’t. adding a cut for length.

i think a lot of what i like about them was covered in these two excellent posts by @comradesummers, so i’ll probably end up repeating some of what she said. i’ve also talked about the trio before myself, so there’s a good chance i’m repeating my own past posts as well.

but to put things in my own, new words. the reason i love the trio is because of how many levels they operate on, and how interesting those levels are.

on one level, the mundane nature of the trio and their villainy parallels the depressing, irritating banality of adult, real-life problems that the season spends so much time exploring. it’s very deliberate that after a season in which buffy defeated a god, she finds herself antagonized by a cringey trio of boys her age. the writing emphasizes the lameness of the trio enough times that you know this choice was on purpose.

scenes like:

BUFFY: I'm just saying, all the things that have happened lately? Okay, the, the bank robbery, the jewelry heist... XANDER: The exploding lint. BUFFY: I-is it me, or do these things seem really- ANYA: Lame? BUFFY: (shrugs) Well, I was gonna go with unusual, but, yeah.

or:

DOCTOR: Buffy, you used to create these grand villains to battle against, and now what is it? Just ordinary students you went to high school with. No gods or monsters...just three pathetic little men...who like playing with toys.

the fact that buffy dismisses the trio, but eventually finds herself in danger of them, echoes the way that she struggles to “defeat” the problems of adulthood that she thinks she should be able to handle. as she says in “flooded”:

BUFFY: Okay, it's, it's bills, it's money. It's pieces of paper sent by bureaucrats that we've never even met. It's not like it's the end of the world. (she thinks about that for a moment) Which is too bad, you know, 'cause that, I'm really good at.

the fact that the trio is so “ordinary” and “lame” adds to that season six feeling of having been rudely brought to earth. of the magic of childhood being left behind, and having to deal with problems you can’t build a myth around. there’s just something so real and brilliant to me about how wrong it feels that these are buffy’s antagonists. because of how well it evokes that wrong feeling of: this is what adulthood is? these are the problems i have to deal with? it seems so easy, so why is it so hard?

the second level of the trio relates to the first level, in that they represent the mundane dangers of real-life misogyny. season six is all about making the metaphorical literal (ironically, as a metaphor for how the transition from childhood to adulthood can feel), and so there’s something very fitting that in a show that has spent a lot of time creating horror from metaphorical, supernatural misogyny—it suddenly becomes literal. no more swim team jocks becoming rapacious fish monsters, no more frat boys sacrificing girls to a snake demon, no more vampires cornering victims in dark alleys. and okay, the trio is still doing spells and such. but besides that, everything about them is so normal it becomes disturbing. they are simply boys who feel disempowered in their own lives, and think this entitles them to play with other people, particularly women, because they barely see those women as people in the first place.

there is also something crucial to the fact that the trio are the villains that are most like the writers, and who the writers probably conceived of as their audience. it’s on record that many of the nerd debates that the trio have were lifted directly from debates the writers would have amongst themselves. the writers were also on fan boards, and well aware of the fact that their show was popular with very nerdy people. which means that when they made nerdish avoidance and entitlement a villain in season six, it was another way of bringing the show to earth. by making the trio into some of the show’s mostly subtly, yet acutely, horrifying antagonists there is an implication that: misogyny and wrongdoing is not something that only oafish athletes and distant authorities are capable of. it is something that anyone can be complicit in.

which is also why the third level of the trio, the fact that they act as mirrors of all of the other characters, works so well. because season six is when the show makes some of its most beloved characters do very bad things. the protagonists become aware, just as the audience does, of their potential for complicity in evil. and i think this is a very very important aspect of becoming an adult for the show to capture. to me, becoming an adult means becoming responsible for yourself and your moral choices in a way you aren’t quite, when you’re younger. bad choices are a bit cuter when you’re younger, a bit more forgivable. you’re growing, right? but at a certain point that stops working, and you need to own your choices. and that means being able to recognize that you’re capable of being the villain, so that you can choose differently.

so over the course of season six, all of the characters get tempted by irresponsible and easy ways out. sometimes they give in, and sometimes they don’t. but no matter what, the trio is there to help frame the actions of the protagonists. so for example, while the trio robs banks and steals diamonds, buffy takes a difficult job, and doesn’t take advantage of the opportunity to blackmail the doublemeat palace. or the fact that buffy is giddy at being turned invisible in “gone” is framed as troubling in part because the trio are giddy at the idea of invisibility as well. and of course: willow, spike, and buffy, and how they behave in intimate relationships, all get paralleled with warren and the trio. what tara says to willow in “tabula rasa” for example, is much like what katrina says to the trio in “dead things.” (TARA: “violate my mind like that? how could you willow? how could you after what glory did to me?” WILLOW “violate you? i…i-i didn’t mean anything like that, i-i just wanted us to not fight anymore” / WARREN: “i just, i wanted us to be together” […] KATRINA: “well this is not some fantasy, it’s not a game you freaks! it’s rape” JONATHAN: “what?” ANDREW”: “no..we didn’t…”). or buffy’s “tell me you love me” exchange with spike in “as you were” is almost word for word what warren says to the mindwiped katrina in “dead things.” and of course, there’s the fact that spike and warren both assault the woman that they claim to care about in an attempt to get them back.

does this mean that all of our protagonists are irredeemably evil? of course not. the reason that warren ends the season flayed and burnt alive is because he repeatedly commits to doing the wrong thing. while the scoobies and spike don’t, because as flawed as they are, they still ultimately try to make better decisions. but it doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of harm. and specifically, the kind of harm that comes from not seeing oneself as truly capable of it. spike thinks he doesn’t hurt buffy, willow thinks she’s just trying to fix things, jonathan and andrew think they’re living out a comic book. this is why i also love how the season lulls you into a sense of complacency with the trio. you think the show might be playing their hijinks straight, and validating their less-than-savory plans as funny, until “dead things” pulls the rug out from under the season and shows what the writing has been doing with them all along. that wake-up slap of katrina saying “rape” is like the slap of willow’s breakdown in “wrecked” or xander leaving anya or warren shooting tara, or—and this takes us back to the central metaphor of the season—buffy being brought back from heaven. that slap of “childhood is over, it’s time to be responsible now, and it turns out you’re fucking up at it.”

this honestly is just the surface of what i could talk about with the trio, and it’s already long enough as is. and when a villain has that much thematic richness in it, i just can’t help but love it.

[juliettecxi]

@fantasylitnet​ Quest 01 : Secret Courtier → @firestarsandseneschals​ 

Title: The Stakeout

Fandom: Carry on by Rainbow Rowell

Ship: Snowbaz

Genre: Idiots Enemies to lovers, Detective au, alternate universe, fluff

Warnings: Swearing, drug mention, sad attempts at portraying sexual tension, minor portrayals of gun usage and police work, kissing that’s mostly described with big words of passion, Not proofread (let me know if I missed anything.)

A/N: Here it is! and I hope you liked this mess!

Read on AO3

Summary: Two detectives on a stakeout, who hate each other with a passion, while being passionately in love with each other at the same time.

“WHAT! Why do you hate me!”

This was the first thing NYPD detective Penelope Bunce heard as she entered the bullpen. It seemed to be coming from the captain’s office. As she sat at her desk, she saw two heads, one with brown curly hair, and another with long black hair, moving wildly with aggressive arm movements.

Snow and Pitch were at it again.

“WHAT! Why do you hate me!” Simon Snow fumed at the captain, who let out a sigh and plopped back down on his chair.

“Sir, If I may.” said the voice of Satan’s descendant himself, Basilton Grimm Pitch. “Personally, I feel that detective Snow would be a hindrance in the smooth sailing of the mission, and you know how it could affect the whole operation.”

That son of a bitch.

“If I may sir.” Simon interrupted, receiving an annoyed huff from Pitch. “I believe what detective Pitch was trying to express with poor word choices is that he’s a pompous prick with no teamwork skills and disregards your judgement.” “That is not what I said Snow!” Baz turned and yelled, eyes wide. “And honestly.” he continued, “No one could ever work with you, you absolute moron, sometimes I wonder how Bunce gets through the day and manages to do anything with you as a partner!”.

 “I’m an amazing partner!” Simon retorted lamely.

Damn him and his inability to come up with good comebacks.

“Enough the two of you!” the Captain said sternly (Although to Simon it sounded like a cry for help. He couldn’t blame him, Baz was a lot to handle.) “You will go on this stakeout, together. And you will bust this drug deal. Take a department mandated car and be at the location on time, and if this fails because you two couldn’t work together for five, fucking, minutes.” He looked at them both. “I will not be easy on you.”

“Yes sir!” “Message received!” Simon and Baz said at the same time, and turned on their heel and left, nudging each other in the ribs as they left the captain’s office, and Simon heard the captain let out a sigh of relief.

Simon was washing his hands after using the toilet (he wasn’t an animal) when he looked at himself in the mirror. He needed a haircut. His thick brown curls were growing out, and as much as Simon would’ve totally rocked the Brian May look, it probably wouldn’t look good at work.

Oh well.

There was someone else who looked stunning in long hair. Baz. Simon dreamed of carding his fingers through it, and using it to pull him closer. He smiled. Why did he always yearn what he couldn’t have? Baz was a fever dream, someone who could only live in his imagination. Someone who didn’t hate him, and someone who loved him. Most people would say Simon should confess, he thought so too, but what was the point in confessing to someone who hated you with half his being? Simon was only pretending, but he knew Baz was genuine.

No. he could never know.

Baz looked up from his paperwork as Simon walked over to his desk next to Bunce and sat down. He said something to her, and she laughed. Baz sighed, and looked back at his work. 

Snow was someone who intrigued Baz, and had a special place in his head and heart. He hadn’t realized it at first, but all it took was a “Merry Christmas.” and a small smile from him, and Baz knew he had fallen, hard.

As someone who was shitty with emotions, Baz didn’t know how to interact with Simon properly without looking like an idiot, and had ended up giving the impression that he hated him. And Baz did hate him, hated him for making him fall for someone he couldn’t have. Hated him for making him fall in love with someone who felt the opposite of love and everything that went with it for him. But despite it all, he still loved. It was like an inextinguishable flame, and Snow would never feel the same, he hated him. Baz was only pretending, but he knew Simon was genuine.

No, he could never know.

Simon was in the gear room, picking the necessary tools for the stakeout. They were leaving in fifteen minutes, and he wanted to make sure they were prepared. “Hey.” said a voice he knew all too well. Baz stood behind him wearing an all black ensemble and it did things to Simon. 

He took in a deep breath. “What?” he asked, as nonchalantly and disinterested  as possible. “Aren’t you excited.” Baz commented and Simon looked at him in annoyance. “I’m sorry.” he said, and then “Baz! I’m so excited to be stuck in a tiny vehicle with you for the entire night, I can’t wait!” Baz did not look impressed, but then he smirked, and stepped closer. “Are you sure you’d be able to handle being in a tiny vehicle alone with me Snow?” he said and leaned in. Simon leaned back against the table and gulped.

He would’ve been fine with Baz being so close to him, but in different circumstances.

Like his Imagination.

“Cat got your tongue?” Baz asked, and smiled, saccharine sweet.

Simon scoffed. “I was actually wondering if this was what your hypothetical significant other would see. How unfortunate for them.” he said sweetly.

Hey, that comeback was actually quite good!

Baz scowled and placed his arms on the table, on either side of Simon. “Tell me.” he said. “Would you think this was an unfortunate face to see Snow?” All he had to do was lean in a little more, and their lips would touch. Simon’s face heated up. He pushed Baz away with his hand and grabbed the gear bag. “We leave in five.” he said, and walked out, leaving behind an unsatisfied and embarrassed Baz.

They’d arrived at their location twenty minutes ago, and things were going… smoothly. There was still no sign of their perp and both Simon and Baz were becoming very irritable and agitated.

“Chew louder why don’t you?” Baz sneered at Simon, who was munching on a protein bar. Simon turned to Baz, took a big bite of his protein bar, and chewed it slowly with his mouth open, making sure his chewing was extremely loud.

That little shit.

Baz tightened his grip on the binoculars he was using to look out for their perp, Jeffrey Carlson. He was a drug dealer and had become somewhat of a drug lord on these streets, and after months of tracking they were finally able to track him down, which was why Baz had the fortunate misfortune of being stuck in a car with Simon in the night, in front of one of those dingy New York apartment complexes, waiting to apprehend the criminal.

If only he could concentrate.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what happened in the gear room, and what almost would have happened. He let out a sigh and put down his binoculars.

“Hey.”, Snow’s voice cut through his reverie. “Yes Snow?” Baz said. “Why do you hate me? Or dislike me at least?” His eyes widened and he turned to Simon, who looked like he was regretting his question. “You know what,” Simon began, “Forget it, it was a stupid ques-” ‘I don’t hate you.” Baz interrupted, voice small. “It’s,” he took in a deep breath. “It’s complicated.” “So you don’t hate me?” Simon said, and Baz swore he could hear a little smugness in his voice. “Nope.” Baz confirmed, “Quite the opposite actually.” he said, with a nervous laugh. “So..you love me?” Simon said. 

What? There was definitely smugness in his tone now.

“Umm, Well.” Baz began. “I don’t hate you either.” Simon said suddenly. “It’s quite the opposite actually.” he said, and wiggled his eyebrows. Baz tried to look unimpressed, but couldn’t hide his endearment. “So, does that mean…” he leaned in closer, and placed a finger on Simon’s lips. “You wouldn’t mind if I-” They heard a dull thud from outside. “Someone fell from the first floor window onto the pavement.” said Simon, eyes wide and alert. They both turned and faced each other. “Carlson.” they said in unison, and got out of the car, guns and gear all at the ready.

Simon was eclectic. Baz didn’t hate him! He would’ve laughed out loud and jumped around if they weren’t chasing a wanted criminal, who seemed to be getting away. “I’ll go left you go right! We’ll corner him!” Baz yelled and Simon held his hand ups in an ‘ok’ sign.

Simon was still running in the direction the perp did. He finally reached an alley. It was empty. Simon did a full three-sixty, just to make sure. He turned around to leave, when a hand wrapped around his neck from behind and pulled him towards it. “Don’t. Move” the voice said. His breath was musky and slightly rancid. “Let me go!” Simon struggled, and he felt a knife placed under his chin.

Shit. Where was Baz?

Baz ran into an alley, hoping the perp hadn’t escaped. The perp and Simon were both there, which would have been great if he wasn’t holding a knife to Simon’s neck. 

“Come any closer and I’ll kill him!” yelled Carlson, eyes bloodshot and wild. Baz looked at Simon, who looked extremely frightened even though it was obvious he was trying to look brave.

“Let him go and nobody will have to get hurt.” Baz said, as calm as possible, only for the perp to tighten his grip around Simon. Simon on the other hand, seemed to try and signal something to Baz with his eyes. He looked in the direction he was pointing at. A metal pipe, right on top of the trashcan  Snow and the perp were standing next to. 

Baz took in a deep breath.

“I’m dropping my gun! Don’t do anything to harm him!” He gently placed down his gun and stepped closer. He was close, but not close enough. “Don’t move!” yelled Carlson, “Or your friend loses his neck!” Simon winced and Baz gulped.

So many things could go wrong.

“Carlson,” he began, ”What made you want to become a..drug lord?” He had no idea where he was going with this. Simon gave him a classic what the fuck face, and the perp just stared at him blankly.

Well, carpe momentum.

Baz reached for the metal pipe, as fast as he could. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing!” screamed Carlson, but before he could react, Baz swung the pipe as hard as he could, and hit him on the head, knocking him out. Simon quickly grasped the knife from Carlson’s lifeless hand before it could accidentally damage him, and stumbled forward before regaining his balance.

The adrenaline was still coursing through Baz’s veins, and before he knew it he was in front of Simon, pushing him back against the alley wall. “I’m going to kiss you now.” he said, and Simon barely had time to nod his head before Baz’s lips came crashing down on his. It was electric and invigorating, and felt like a thousand jolts of current. Simon’s hands reached up and curled around Baz’s neck, and Baz placed his in Simon’s hair, caressing it as they kissed. Simon tilted his head in an attempt to deepen the kiss, and Baz let him. Baz felt like he was flying, fast and high with no restraint, and he relished it all, the feeling of Snow’s mouth on his and the feel of his hair that felt like starlight on his fingertips.

All too soon the kiss was broken by Simon. “We should probably take him into custody before he wakes up again.” he said, and grinned, causing Baz to smile as well.

“Come on Snow.” he said, as he reached down to pick up Carlson. “The sooner we get home the better.” “Why?” Simon asked, smiling

He knew why.

Baz raised an eyebrow at him. “Let’s get going shall we?” he said, with a crooked smile, and off they went, back to the precinct, and then to Baz’s apartment, and the rest, was history.

A/N (2) : phew. That was a long one! Well I hope you liked whatever this was! And if you can, please let me know what you thought! I'd really appreciate feedback!

-Abby 💕

[vanveronicango]

if you don't mind me asking, what aspects of s2 did you dislike? bc for me, although i liked it a lot better than s1 (mainly for the increased focus on sibling dynamic scenes). i also kind of realized that it had kind of a Lot going on, that although i appreciated, didn't get enough equal attention? idk

i agree that the dynamic scenes this season were pretty great. we got some great interactions between characters that didn’t have much last season (personal fave being klaus/allison/vanya and every individual combo in that trio). 

i personally love reading other peoples’ opinions on shows/movies, even if they don’t match my own, because a lot of the time they open my eyes to some stuff i haven’t seen, and i love to see work affecting others the same way it does me, even if it has a different outcome. 

so, i know  i said i wouldn’t, but since you asked, under the cut i’m going list out some of the stuff i wasn’t a huge fan of, and some of the stuff i really liked. 

(edit warning: this shit is LONG. but please don’t take this as me absolutely hating the season - I didn’t. there was some genuinely enjoyable stuff. but, in my opinion, it didn’t have the spark and intent that s1 did. it wasn’t the caliber of the season i fell in love with. i think it’s still rewatchable though, unlike a certain godawful season of a certain hit netflix show...... coughstrangerthings3cough)

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE

1. not enough characterization/development in most of the characters (this will be the longest point, so I’ll get it out of the way first) - for one, the siblings - save maybe vanya & allison - really... did not develop much this season, and weren’t explored as heavily as in the first season. hell, even in vanya and allison’s cases, i still think s1 did a better job at delving into their characters and psyche, even though they still had a bit of it in s2. but especially in the other siblings cases, i feel like SO MUCH of this season leaned into trivial things the fans liked, that it either (at least) took time away from or (at worst) was an active detriment to the characters’ development and plots. they said oh you like banter? we’ll give you unnecessary arguing and jokes that go on for 20 minutes too long when we could be delving deeper into these interesting situations we saw on the surface. here’s some fart jokes and forgettable music when we could be seeing more of how these characters are coping with the literal end of the world/being sent back in time/facing the prospect of never seeing their families again. 

in s1, we got luther’s immense internal struggles in living up to his “name” and only existing to please his father... diego finding his relationships through his jaded nature towards his siblings and himself, and grappling with feelings of inferiority... allison’s coping with the effects her powers have had on her life, and trying to become someone without rumoring everything into existence, which is a new feeling altogether that she isn’t quite sure how to cope with... klaus going through intense development as a simultaneously self-obsessed and self-destructive drug addict that gets thrown into a gruesome war for a year, only to watch the person he loves most die, grappling with his ptsd from war & his abusive childhood, and discovering new powers... five coming back home after decades of solitude and then being used as a weapon, trying to reestablish himself within the group while dealing with an eating feeling that he doesn’t belong in his body or in this group.... vanya, oh vanya, with her depression, anxiety, feelings of loneliness and betrayal, feeling invisible and utterly ordinary, gripping to whoever makes her feel special (and dealing with that fallout) before suddenly being slammed with unbelievably powerful abilities that she can’t control.

in s2... yes, we get lesbian!vanya who becomes truer to herself, and - through intense struggle - finds a way to harness her abilities so she isn’t so out of control and can finally feel extraordinary herself. but much of the latter was given up for a vast majority of the season bc she literally didn’t know who she was (there was a positive in that though, which i’ll list in my positives list), and so we lost a LOT of potential coping and learning time, which easily could have mingled with her sissy storyline! allison’s storyline i actually dug, i don’t have too much gripe with it except that i wish her throat injury didn’t just kind of magically heal, and they could’ve addressed it more. the end of ben’s story was interesting, but still lacked depth imo. as for the other siblings.... it all just felt like a TON of jokes that were funny at first, but quickly became stale and had me wishing they would take the story a bit deeper. that said, a lot of the gags, jokes, and quips were great, but they could’ve been incorporated WAY more intelligently, and allowed for characterization at the same time. loads and loads of banter, not being balanced with poignancy like s1 did very well.

we could have seen luther’s descent into the criminal underworld, and why he felt the draw and obligation to go that route. a more detailed look at klaus’ beginnings and relationship with the cult, his motivations (which s2 kept super shallow), more of diego’s life inside the asylum and even beforehand. but no, we got five and old five farting.

2. the music - man, the s1 soundtrack was iconic, was it not? effortlessly cool scene/music combos, countless iconic music moments, brilliantly and thoughtfully done. this season felt like they said “music? oh ok throw music EVERYWHERE” and it was just. not. good. instead of music that intertwined with each scene like it was a character itself, amplifying the tone and adding a new layer (like in s1), the music this season was mostly just distracting, forgettable, and felt like they were this close to just making a bunch of music videos. i even found myself hating a couple of their choices (the rest i just kinda... forgot). i did like the vanya/allison/klaus dance scene, but other than that.... eugh.

3. the handler - I HATE. HATE HATE HATE. when shows/movie franchises do shit like make a big deal of killing off a villain or lead and then just being like “hehe jk uwu” and bringing them back with some totally bs reason that they lived. a metal plate? really? and she magically awoke... how long after? not to mention how unbelievably lazy and lame it is. they could’ve done so much more with carmichael and the swedes, but they had to bring back... the villain we already had? don’t get me wrong, i LOVEEE kate walsh, but come on. it’s season 2. give us something fresh.

4. the swedes - in s1, cha cha and hazel had personalities, wants, desires that were all explored. we knew their motivations, their doubts, their fears. we liked to watch them. then the writers threw in the swedes... who were completely devoid of any and all characterization (they could’ve gone in my #1 point too heyo), personality, backstory, anything. it was so painful that when each one died, it was clear that we were supposed to feel something for the others, but did any of you really feel anything? no. because we didn’t know these characters at all. they were walking guns, pretty much. nothing substantial.

5. ben & klaus - being someone who loves these two characters so, so much (hellloooo, my old url?), this one breaks my heart. i was so unbelievably disappointed with them this season. all either of them were was horrible to the other. in klaus’ case, he just decided to keep ben’s presence a secret, not even telling the group ben loved them, or that he was there. he called him his ghost bitch, he used him as a personal pet, he lacked sympathy or compassion. we saw a glimmer of hope when he allowed ben to possess him, but that’s where ben’s issues start. seriously, possessing your brother past his breaking point, fighting him out of his own bodily autonomy, until he is in a state of complete exhaution? then saying he “regrets nothing”? and then the show playing it off as ~comedy~ bc that’s almost all they cared about this season... no... there was nothing in their relationship this season that compared to last’s. no moments of tough brotherly love, where ben tries to help klaus through his drug/alcohol desires or ptsd flashbacks, no moments of teamwork (besides the brief moments of consenting possession before that was ruined), no tender moments between brothers in general. all just REALLY FUCKING LOUD “comedy”, anger, resentment, bickering, and cruelty, all played for laughs. not about it son

6. “we’re not blood related!” - and, once again, getting played for laughs... for a show that became uncomfortably self-aware with trivial fan desires (but not the deeper stuff...), they sure do lack a lot of common sense of realizing what we don’t want

7. hazel (& agnes) - they went through the trouble of saving hazel and agnes just to have agnes die off-screen before the season started, and for hazel to die five minutes into his only appearance? lame. lame lame lame.

8. plot pace - i don’t really recall any moments in s1 that i thought “this scene doesn’t need to be here”, “this is moving so slowly”, or “this is being really rushed”. there was plenty of all three of those in s2. s1 was constant, everything was either towards the main goal or was filled with private and fascinating character moments. i love just watching characters live and do their thing if it’s done properly... but those scenes this season really weren’t very entertaining (save one or two), didn’t really seem to serve a purpose or hold weight, and didn’t give us any character insight.

9. klaus - the reason he’s listed specifically even after i mentioned him in the first point, was because of how personally saddened i was by his “arc”, if you could call it that. i know, him being my favorite (along with vanya) in s1 isn’t an original thought. but the writers, directors, and robert created a character so entertaining, charming, layered, and multi-faceted that it was hard not to fall in love with him. for all his goofiness, he then got a shit ton of characterization and development in the war, in dave, in his ptsd and discovering his power. his poignant moments were so powerful because of how different it was from his typical outward appearance. and fuck if he didn’t develop! this season, klaus felt... shallow. the cult stuff had no depth, no real reason to be there at all (the show really wouldn’t be much different without it, besides it being how five and allison found klaus), and it was kind of a throwaway point anyway, just another tool to get - shocker - more laughs. those touching, serious klaus scenes were completely absent in s2... he was just the ~quirky~ and/or ~high/drunk~ guy. there was literally no depth to his character at all this season. yeah, he crawled from behind the desk in e9.... and what else? nothing. robert did all he could this season, but something tells me even he was probably disappointed by just how one-dimensional klaus was. he was really no different at the end than he was at the beginning of the season, which is a no-no. 

10. klave - this is kind of an expansion of #9, but i was so disappointed by it that it needed its own spot. the only stuff that was supposed to be serious in klaus’ story - the klaus/dave stuff - was really not good. the moment the shopkeeper said “david?” in the store, i literally gasped bc i was so excited... but that was the last of any excitement i felt for the two, which, if you know me, is BONKERS considering how much i adore s1 klave. but this new young actor had ZERO chemistry with robert (fuck if rob wasn’t trying, though. it looked painful for him, but this guy really was just not well casted) (cody and rob were phenomenal together and had a fraction of the screentime this new actor had), and klaus being 30 and this actor/character being a kid was just... weird to watch. plus... so many white actors look the same, they really couldn’t find someone who looked like cody ray thompson? c’mon now ...... also, was there any point to it? at all? dave just wound up going anyway and there was literally no differences made in that situation. i think the writers thought they were catering to the audience by adding dave, but you need actors with chemistry (cody! cody!!!) and a good plot to do so.

11. s1 fallout - there really was none. that’s it. you’d think there’d be more after the explosions in the relationships of these siblings, but everything was just kind of glossed over.

12. sparrow academy - mostly here because... does this mean 7 more characters? meaning MORE time taken away from our og siblings, who already (mostly) didn’t develop well this season? i’m not gonna lie, i’m worried/

WHAT I LIKED

1. the chestnuts - i absolutely loved ray, loved allison, and loved their and their group’s work this season. the issue of race is so important all the time, but in the 60′s the tensions were so high and it would’ve been a joke if the show hadn’t addressed it or just kind of went with little racist remarks. these two had some of the most touching scenes of the season, and the sit-in scenes/every police scene had me incredibly anxious. that was well done, imo. which is proof that they still know how to do a good storyline, which makes me even more upset that the show was overall lacking that this season. i’m also so glad they didn’t go the “oh sry ray i still love luther’ route bc i literally don’t know if i would’ve kept watching. ANYWAYS im gonna miss ray sm :(

2. vanya & sissy - lesbian!vanya is all i want and more. vanya/sissy was all i want and more. these two, much like the chestnuts, breathed so much life into an often-dull season. so in love!!! vanya connecting with harlan even in just the most human ways!!! sissy finally standing up to carl (and carl d*ing god bless).... little found family oh my GOD!!! super devastated that sissy didn’t come back to the future with vanya, but because of harlan’s ending, something tells me we haven’t seen the last of them. oh and i am so conflicted about vanya’s amnesia, bc while i think so much more development could’ve happened without it, i also don’t think a lot of what happened with her and sissy could have happened, at least as quickly, if vanya was bogged down by guilt, anger, and lingering feelings of self-hatred and anxiety.

3. sibling dynamics - okay, this one is a contradiction, kinda sorta. i know i said the ben/klaus relationship was horrid. and i didn’t dig absolutely everything with all the siblings.... but they had some REALLY strong stuff this season. i know i’ve already mentioned it multiple times, but vanya/allison/klaus was everything to me this season. i knew i wanted klaus/vanya stuff happening, but adding allison to the mix gave it a whole new layer and they all just worked SO. DAMN. WELL. i just kind of wish it was vanya with her memories getting that bonding time, because i feel like the trio really could’ve gone in with how they all related to each other, their struggles, etc. but still, just some Happy Time was much appreciated. in addition to them, i really did dig a lot of almost every sibling dynamic this season. not every relationship got the attention it deserved, but it wasn’t too bad, it would be really hard to get all of that into 10 eps. plus, the fact that almost all of them grew so much closer was everyyyything. it’s odd, because good dynamics usually come with good development but uh..... nvm im keepin this section positive

4. the humor - another kind of contradiction, maybe. for some of the humor, i thought it went too long, was extremely heavy-handed, often took away from the plot, and some of it even degraded certain characters and situations (see examples throughout my points above). however, the stuff that didn’t fall into these categories was so, so good. some favorites: olga foroga, “think of batman, then aim lower”, “you look like antonio banderas with that hair” “thanks man”, i’m t h e  d a d d y  h e r e, “not everyone here likes you” “sounds ridiculous but go on”, klaus’ little pop culture quips to his cult, “being smart doesn’t make you interesting” “neither does that beard”, klaus calling ben to manifest and ben being like ”...nah”... there are plenty more, but these were the first i could think of in 60 seconds off the top of my head. some of it really was laugh out loud funny, which can be hard to do, especially consistently. if only they didn’t lean into it so damn hard, and put in WAY too much heavy-handed humor that it dampened the experience

5. old five - although i don’t love all of the stuff in the five/old five scenes, old five’s actor was fantastic! he got aidan’s mannerisms down really, really well. it’s always cool to see actors do that kind of thing when they play a character at a different age, or a character’s sibling, etc.

6. time period bigotry - i’m really, really glad they didn’t gloss over the intense racism and homophobia of the era. it was mostly brought up with allison, vanya, and klaus, and all three actors did a great job in their respective roles when expressing their reactions to the hatred. the scenes were really hard to watch, but well done.

7. pogo/grace/reggie - don’t get me wrong, i still hate reggie with a burning passion. but i actually found his scenes with these two really interesting, and it gave us great insight as to why pogo was always so loyal to reggie, and how grace was more than just a face on a robot to hargreeves. (which actually makes lack of development in our mains even more infuriating... they clearly knew to put some in there, where is it for the rest of the sibs who got nothing this season!!!)

alright, i’m gonna stop here. i’m sure i can think of more for each section, but i’ve been thinking this out and typing for an hour (holy shit) and it’s 2am and i need sleep xoxo

[colorfullfalls]

Force Knows Best

Summary: after infinity war, life is in shambles, but to make things even more complicated, the first order decides to visit. kylo ren is in search.. for you.

5. Welcome Home

Kylo put his helmet back on, security of his anonymous face and power. The guards surrounded you two as you left the doors, walking up a few step to enter the bigger ship, your apparent new home. People in the halls glanced your way, curious to see the woman that Kylo Ren was hell bent on finding. His glove found your bicep again, pulling you closer, shielding you by the mere size and strength of his being. You felt tiny, like a child compared to the Supreme Leader. Echoing footsteps followed behind you, irritating you. He sensed your discomfort.

"Leave us." Kylo barked, and the white plastic covered men split off without skipping a beat. Commanding people made goose bumps appear on your skin, how could he be so harsh with them? Treat them as dogs rather than human beings- well if they were humans, for all you knew they could be different alien races. The mask allowed for mystery, and you were not a fan.

Hallways turned until you were in front of two tall red doors, contrasting the black vast area of walls, floors, and ceiling. Kylo's chambers were different and more extravagant compared to the rest on the ship, afterall he deserved a treat for ruling planets and the Galaxy. His hand freed itself from the black glove and rested his palm against a glass scanner, it shone red before a click was heard and he was grabbing you, pulling you in behind him. Doors shut with a harsh slam and lights turned on, illuminating the large common room.

It was so.. him, multi shaded grey tile covered the floor beneath your feet, a leather black sectional sat against the wall, which was also painted grey, red stands sat on either side of the sectional with a black coffee table directly in front of it. A tv like screen, bigger than any normal one of Earth, splayed against the left wall facing the sectional. Five different rooms branched away from the one you were in. You kicked your shoes off, shifting the bag in your hands to rest against your legs. Kylo noticed and took it from you, nodding at you to follow him. Furthest right was your bedroom, well Kylo's. A king size black bed sat in the middle of the room, plush red pillows covering by the white headboard. You yearned to lay down and sleep, your day was pretty hectic already and it wasn't even night. Not that you could tell because in space it was always dark. He dropped your bags on the bed and took off his mask.

"All that is here belongs to you now."

Kylo's voice was sturdy, but a sense of anxiety slipped past his teeth and rolled off of his pink tongue. You quirked an eyebrow at the man before you. Weary of him you were, but at the end of the day he was human. You wondered if that mattered, humans on Earth did vicious crimes all the time, cops barely covered providing safety, and even shield wore itself thin at times.

"Thanks, you know freedom once belonged to me.." you sarcastically replied, waving around the space between his large body and your stressed out one. His gaze adverted to the wall, jaw clenched uncomfortably hard, frustration almost besting him in the worst possible moment.

"I can give you anything you desire. Luxurious gowns, jewelry, planets, creatures, plants, all in my grasp. What can I do to please you?" His voice was desperate, a yearning to make you happy above all else. He spent years searching helplessly for you, and now that he had you, you hated him. Hated him for taking the one thing that mattered most to him, what belonged to him in an intricate way. You. Joining your souls together was not a mistake and he certainly would not apologize for doing what the force meant to happen, but your sorrow did guilt him. He loved you, as foolish as it seemed from the outside.

But to him, it made all the sense. Kylo visited your thoughts and body day after day while hunting for you. He knew the type of woman you were, your thought process, how easily your fragile feelings could be hurt, how you fiercely loved those close to you, how you preferred grape jelly over strawberry, how your clumsy manner often left you bruised-much to his disliking, and he memorized all of these in great detail. You were an extension of him and he wanted to know you inside and out, and at this point he did. But now that you were in grasp, he needed you to love him back.

As soon as he had his first dream about you, his gut told him that you were his other half, far far away from him in the most unfortunate way. He vowed to make one complete being, promptly begining his journey to find you. The Force allowed him to visit you, but the touch and occasional dream of him was the only hint you got, not enough information to warn you of your impending future.

"None of that would please me, Kylo. I agreed to come because you weren't going to leave otherwise. War plaques Earth enough without the First Order involved. Gifts will not fix the pain, and you are stupid to think it would."

"I want you to be joyful." Such a phrase could be taken the wrong way, read as he was commanding you to feel an emotion, but he was not, he was vocalizing his goal to you in lame terms, horrible at portraying feelings with spoken sounds.

"Well, I'm not." His eyes saddened and you felt unfair guilt, "Maybe one day, but right now- no, joy isn't a friend of mine."

"I am the Supreme Leader, a powerful man, and I do what I wish without protest. Listening to anyone is not my skill, but with you, I am trying. Trying because of who you are to me," He picked up his helmet and traced the face of it, big fingers coming together to flick it before honey brown eyes met yours, a hard stare, an unapologetic one, "Retrieving what's mine is not apology worthy, it had to be done. Hate me if it makes you feel better, I suppose."

Fire bristled along your arms, blue flames dancing involuntarily. How dare he act like he did you both a favor by snatching you up like a stray dog on the road. Being bound seemed like a different way of saying soulmates. And even if the two of you completed one soul, one half still belonged to you. He didn't own your half, he should be thankful that he has such a connection with another being, but he was acting like a mad man.

His eyes adverted to your arms, new small holes exposed the skin, your shirt burning from the use of powers. Your fireproof suit was in your bag, you had taken it off when you packed your belongings. Usually your powers were in control, but being around Kylo made new levels of emotions, mostly anger, appear.

"My goal from now on is to knock you down a peg. You're human, and I will remind you of it everyday." You mumbled.

"I will remind you, little one, that you are where you belong. With me. By my side. Forever."

"Forever is suddenly my least favorite word." Your heart fluttered at how honest and raw his words were when he spoke to you, but hating him was your angle at the moment and you had to stick with it. His shaggy black hair swept in tuffs over his forehead, strikingly similar to the lines over his long scar on his face that led down to his neck. A well formed neck, you thought. Being so attracted to someone you should hate was foreign to you. Something in books and movies, but not real life. Now it was happening in a space ship in the sky, miles away from home, your life reduced to a romcom movie, a hate to love story.

"Each hateful word you throw my way, my adoration will only increase." Kylo dropped his helmet back on the bed and shrugged at your hazy expression. You were torn between hating him and wanting to accept his words, "Try all you may, you cannot deter me, we are meant to last."

"You've stated that fact multiple times today, look, I don't get why this force picked me to be the one who you're bound with, we are vastly different."

Kylo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance because it seemed that you weren't getting it, "The force would not make a mistake. You make me stronger, and vice versa."

"How do you know I'm the one?"

He grabbed your hand, slotting his large fingers in between your tiny ones in comparison, skin blazing heavenly at the contact. You felt drunk, the best kind where happiness takes over and you feel invincible, on top of the world where nothing can drag you down. Like friends are talking, but it's hard to make out from all the laughing and bubbly dancing to shitty bar songs, but you're happy because it's perfect. You feel giddy but attempt to suppress it because these feelings are not valid, he is a murder. He holds up the intertwined hands, an example of your ridiculous question. Kylo Ren would not lie about his bond with you, never lie to you about anything.

"My body cradles yours in every way because we were born to be one." He rubbed his thumb across your hand, making you blush, pushing him to step closer to get more of a reaction from you.

"Why is there- my body, I just feel like.. like" you tried to explain the intense sensation, but failed miserably. He gave you an understanding gaze, smirking at the fact that you felt a fragment of the bond, the pull to be close.

"Alluring, isn't it, little one? The Force is letting us know that we found eachother. In time it will feel normal."

His fingers left yours to push your hair behind your ear, but you snapped out of the trance. Distraction to move away, suitcases opened and hands shuffled through clothing and items, looking for a new shirt to wear. Burning the current one was embarrassing and changing would wash away the mistake that you just made. Years of training for control over yourself crumbled like bridges during high degree earthquakes, crashing down around the man who you were forever stuck with. A grey hoodie from the bottom was plucked from your hands and into Kylo's. He turned it over in curiosity.

"What is this?"

You rolled your eyes, grabbing it back in defense, the hoodie was the one thing you owned compared to his fleet of ships and planets, "Hoodie. Wear it for warmth.. so where's the bathroom, I need to change."

He pointed to a black door left of where you stood and you nodded curtly, entering and getting out of his sight, gaining a second alone. Pitiful holes surrounded what was once cloth covering skin. Pale flesh teased you, a reminder that was gone when you ripped the shirt up over your head, hoodie slipping on instead. Warm, reliable, comfy, home smelling hoodie. A mirror rested above the sink, reflecting you in the bright bathroom lighting. How could you let him hold your hand like that? Knock a wall down that he didn't deserve to witness.. His bond touch was unfair to use, it went went against your mind. Tears that you were unaware of previously dripped down your face, dampening your chin, baby hairs sticking grossly to the area. Crying was a rebirth, a chance to let it all out and restart again. It felt good to sob on the bathroom floor, to lean against the wall for support.

Time passed and you cried, emptying bottled up confusing emotions. Kylo stood outside the door listening, chest tightening at the wretched gasps for air as you bawled, his heart thudding with every sound. Kicking open the door and holding you was his idea, but he was scared to push you even further away. He wasn't stupid, he realized you didn't trust him yet. Crying in the bathroom was a personal thing for you to cope, and intruding would embarrass you. After the hand holding moment he assumed the road ahead was easy but now he was not so sure.

At the same time hiding in there to cry angered him. Why couldn't you melt into his embrace and allow him to ease your pain? No one was more suited for the duty than him, your equal in life, your other half. Kylo did not let people in, he didn't like the attachment and risk, but you were the one who it was acceptable to confide in, to show vulnerability. Dark force was in his genes, and it would never leave, but you would see the better side of him. Not that he wouldn't ever upset you or go against your wishes, but you were going to be the closest to him, his weakness. Reaching out in the only way he could, he closed his eyes and used the force to seek you.

Dry tears crusted your cheeks, despair eating away at your insides, when a swirling feeling rested on your upper arm, sliding up and stroking your chin. The swirling morphed into an invisible hand that wiped moisture away with gentle caresses. Matter of the fact was that Kylo was reaching out to comfort you in the way he had in the past. Grudgingly you pulled away, but a dull pain of struck your heart, leaning more into the invisible hand.

"Open the door." His voice called out. You ignored him, head falling backwards to rest against the wall behind you. The touch vanished and you heard the main door slam. Kylo stalked off, helmet on and anger active heading towards his knights for Intel on Thanos. His knights roamed the galaxies, if anyone knew about the purple titan, it would be them.

Eventually you crawled out of the bathroom and pulled the blankets back on the bed. His pillows surrounded you, shielding you from the air coming from the vents. Dark endless space peeked through the two small windows of his room, allowing it to feel like bed time rather than evening. It was enough because within minutes you were zonked.

Kylo sensed utter tranquility from you, calming him down. His emotions were hard enough to handle, but being so near to you caused all of yours to mix with his, making your crying suffocating, which made him mad, but when you were asleep he could level himself a bit.

"Sweet dreams, little love", Kylo whispered in your mind as he stood in front of his kneeling, ever so loyal, knights.

[thestudyfeels]

Become A Writing Machine

✨ To read my articles when they come out, join my taglist! :)

A series of article for all future articles about to be birthed, how innovative! Welcome to the mother of all articles, yes, you can subscribe already.

This was requested by Raha from @xenorosis​, who wanted an updated version of the very old (and very boring, and very unfunny, but we all start somewhere) How To Write A Masterpost article. Here you go! Hope this helps, I’m looking forward to reading your work. 

Since I had a lot to say, this series contains 5 posts!

Post one: before you write an article

Post two: how I write my articles

Post three: my editing process

Post four: tips for writing non-fiction

Post five: how to get more views on your articles

Post One: BEFORE YOU WRITE AN ARTICLE

1. Find Your Niche.

What will you write about? This might take time to figure out, it sure did for me. I used to write mostly about studying but now I hate it (bluntness has entered the chat), so I write about lifestyle design & productivity instead.

Two guidelines that helps narrow it down:

You have to love it AND enjoy about writing about it. (If you don't like writing, start a podcast! Or make videos! The world is yours, darling)

You gotta have some knowledge about it. Means, study books on it, research before writing, constantly talk about it and get different points of view.

Good to remember: Pick something you'll be able to write an actual ARTICLE about, not something you can make LISTS about. I see so many posts about productivity, but they're all the same, written in bullet pointed lists, and I can't help but scroll past. I'm not sorry.

Your niche can be anything! Travel, if you love popping that booty on top of Mt. Everest, cooking, if you like crying while cutting onions, animals, if you're always found at a zoo (and if assuming a homo sapien is reading this, not in the enclosures).

You can mix niches up too! If you like cooking AND animals, maybe start writing about cooking for your Labrador. If you like travel AND dancing, write about how you're blending different cultures by performing Kathak in Mexico.

For eg, I love humor and conquering. Thus I write about becoming a superwoman of life while wearing funky underwear, because that is funny and you have to accept, goodnight.

2. Have Unpopular Opinions.

Have something different to say, Henry! Stop fitting into the crowds, that spiffy red underwear was MEANT to stand out.

Your articles need to bring something new. I've said this to every new studyblr wanting advice and I say it to you too: stand out.

This doesn't mean being an asshole and using the lamest slang in your posts (lmao fun fact, I learnt a new insult — cockalorum — last week, made my day) nor does it mean starting a revolution about drinking water from plates (I'll join).

If simply means bringing something new to the table. And THAT comes in 3 different cuisines:

1. Quality.

In short: put in major work into your article. This is how most of my articles stand out from everyone else's I read on this site — they have a whole lot of work put into them.

Don't believe me? Read the How To Not Be Depressed article, it's a MARATHON of an novel. Over 13 pages, 7000 words, lame humor included. Please love me now.

2. Content.

Bring new content, Maria! The heck is wrong with people giving the same tips of drinking water again and again?

Standing out can also mean giving new ideas. How can you do that? Exercise your idea muscle (write 10 ideas everyday) and consume content that will help you create.

For eg, consider 5 reasons why you're unhappy. Sounds pretty ordinary, right? You'd expect me to give you tips about petting dogs and buying flowers. Yet they include five majorly radical ideas which, if implemented, would change your life (thoroughly tested on a guinea pig named Nandini).

3. Mission Drink Water From Plates.

This one's going all IN. This is about leaving the crowd, standing on top of a cliff, blaring the Lion King theme song and proudly posing in your red underwear. Write about your core, deepest beliefs, no matter how much hate you get, because—I kid you not—these are the posts which will help you find your squad.

Lemme elaborate. Some of my core beliefs include:

Love yourself for what you are and accept yourself fully. I have a ritual, where I get out of the shower every morning, stand in front of the mirror naked and tell myself: “Nandini, I love and accept yourself for what you are.”

You've gotta stand out.

You're tired because you're doing things you dislike, so do something about it.

Live with urgency but know that you have enough time.

Be patient, dear heart (my tagline for now)

I've talked about these and more in a lot of my posts, and I've gotten hate for it. Funnily, I've also found had the best people messaging me and telling me my red underwear smells a bit but is the shiniest, coolest thing they've seen.

I think I'll take it.

3. Know Your Priorities With What You’re About To Write.

Lastly, know your priorities while writing. This means knowing yourself, because ultimately, you write because it pleases you, and you love doing it. (If you're writing for some other reason, please don't. Try audio or video formats instead.)

When you're starting writing, ask yourself: if I was reading this, what things would I like to know?

When I started writing this series, I knew I'd like to know:

What should I write about (Answer = your niche)

Will people hate me if I write about how productivity sucks? (Answer = some will, some won't, it'll help you find your squad so do it anyway)

What about drinking from plates? That was a cool idea (Answer = let's get help and chat afterwards)

What the writer's writing process is (post two!)

Other tips the writer would give for nonfiction work (post three!)

How do I get more views on my articles (post four!)

And so, the Become A Writing Machine series was born.

Lastly know yourself. My dual priorities while writing are:

1) bring major value about concerned topic

2) make people laugh  

So I'm out here with my tablet as my sword and hobo jokes as my shield. If you're someone who doesn't enjoy humor in articles, don't write jokes about lingerie! Do you, bro!

Ultimately remember, there are 8 billion humans on this earth. Some will hate who you are, others will love you with all your quirks. Stay true to yourself and you'll attract like-minded people. And hopefully, it'll be a band of badasses dedicated to living a life true to themselves, loving themselves and flashing their underwear. Love you Team Conquer.

(And that was the last underwear joke, I promise.)

(More to come later on.)

(Addio!)

💌 The End Card.

Related: How To Get Back Into The Creative Process (if you’re in a blogger’s block or experiencing painter’s pain)

Have something to say? I treasure all feedback! If this post inspired you to do something, or you wanna throw some love/constructive criticism at me— hop into my ask box, or reply to this post itself!

Thanks for dropping by! Major articles, like this one, come out every week! Join my taglist by to read them when they do. I also post daily wins, journal entries, rants & photos of my plant babies throughout the week, so follow me if you’re into conquering life. I vow to be the loudest cheerleader. ✧

Sending you love and good energy, talk soon.

Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[senpai-no-lie]

Blue Lions Route

So I finished the Blue Lions Route! 

Why I chose Blue Lions: Okay, so when the first trailer was dropped, I thought Edelgard would be my favorite. I liked her character design and I just thought she was really pretty, but Dimitri was on my radar because lol they named a FE character after my chinchilla, nice. I ended up picking Dimitri, because what I knew about his character arc appealed to my sensibilities and I thought he was the nicest during the House introductions, talking about his classmates.

Who Was My Dancer: Felix. I thought he looked cute in the outfit, had the potential for magic anyway as well as swords, and had the avoidance to not be nuked by enemies with his pitiful defense/resistance. He made a great dancer! From my understanding, it might’ve been a bit of a waste, because of gambits, but I didn’t really understand them or use them much in this playthrough

What Paired Endings Did I Get:  

Petra & Linhardt 

 Ralpheal & Ignatz 

 Dorothea & Manuela 

Dedue & Flayn (this one really surprised me) 

 Annette & Mercedea

 Shamir & Catherine 

 Lysithea & Cyril

 Lorenz & Leonie (a bit miffed about this one, but it’s what I get for choosing to go for Seteth with Ingrid instead of with Leonie)

 Ingrid & Seteth 

 Ferdinand & Marianne 

 Felix & Sylvain 

 Ashe & Caspar

Who Did Byleth Marry: Dimitri... not so much because I ship them as characters as I just liked Dimitri the best. Don’t @ me 

Which Dimitri Do I prefer?: Pre-timeskip! I wasn’t a super fan of either character design at first, but I just do not enjoy how self-loathing and mean Dimitri was for a good chunk of the timeskip. I feel like the fandom calling that “feral Dimitri” is a bit of a misnomer. When he returns to being is usual self, it was a welcome change

General Thoughts: I liked the route! It was a good-enough personal arc for Dimitri to keep me engaged, despite some of the mechanics getting in the way of the story. I wish Dedue had been more important to the post-timeskip portion. Mostly, though, I was surprised how short the route was; I’m used to 28ish chapters, so I’m a bit nervous to see how long Crimson Flowers is if that’s the shortest route. I liked all my house characters and had a good time. 

The Blue Lions Characters: 

Dimitri: I think he’s probably the most well-developed, consistently done character in the entire game. I love his character, his supports, and his empathy. There have been a lot of other people who’ve done a great job analyzing his character, so I won’t bother, but A+ boi

Dedue: I like Dedue and his role as Dimitri’s retainer, but he’s not particularly appealing to me. In general, I don’t like the gap moe that comes with strong, silent types that have a feminine side. I think he was a bit of an improvement from Benny (who I liked but didn’t pay much attention to), and I was so grateful to make him not a Fortress Knight (War Master or whatever Dedue did a lot of good punching) because that is probably my least favorite unit type.

Felix: I had a good idea I’d like Felix, because I tend to like tsunderes regardless of gender, but from how the fandom memes about him, I was surprised by the depths of my fondness. He often gets labelled as an asshole, but I would be more generous and say he’s merely got an abrasive side, like a sponge. He had some good, cute moments in his supports and I think his presence added to the story of Azure Moon. I also like that he’s like the only character that has different endings if you recruit him to a different route.  

Sylvain: I know he can be a bit of a controversial character because of his playboy ways, but I like him! I like horse-mounted units and units that can use magic, so he was gonna be a winner for me. I also understand why some people don’t like him and find him to be sexist, but he didn’t particularly read that way to me. To be fair, I find Sylvain’s backstory to be relatable because I myself have a similar situation, of sorts, with my older brother, so I’m just inclined to be more lenient about his more negative traits. I think it hurts Sylvain’s likability that some (or maybe all) of his supports aren’t pre-timeskip locked to demonstrate he really does change his ways, but I think his supports are good and that he’s never irredeemably awful to anyone. 

Ingrid: Another hot take: Ingrid is probably my favorite BL girl lol. I think she’s cute, she’s got some gap moe to her with being so stern but also a food-loving goober and super excitable about knight stuff. My friend said she never was able to get Ingrid to be usable, but my Ingrid rocked. I feel like she had the most connections to the story of BL of the girls, and I wish they had used her more. 

Ashe: It’s a toss-up whether he’s my second fav or Felix is, but I love Ashe. I’m pretty pro archer characters (sans Bernadetta), but Ashe is also just so sweet and caring, despite some of the things he’s been through. I think he’s very cute and a great unit. I might end up marrying him to Byleth if I playthrough BL again (which I will to get DLC supports)

Annette: I like her, but I don’t think she really stands out. I feel sorry that she has to deal with Gilbert, but honestly you could erase Annette from the main story and it wouldn’t change a thing, sadly. I think she’s cute and quirky and I like her spunk, but there’s really not too much to say about her.

Mercedes: I love Mercedes, but similarly to Annette, she doesn’t add as much to the storyline as I’d like, outside of the thing with the Death Knight, which is almost a footnote tbh. I like her character design and her supports and she’s an all-around great unit and character. 

Gilbert: Ugh, I spent a lot of my time complaining about what a whiner he is. As I mentioned, not a fan of Fortress Knights, and Gilbert not only had a base speed of 2 but would regularly miss with an 70-80% hit rate. As a character, I thought he had some good supports, but in general I hate that Dedue took a backseat to him, and that Gilbert is a horrible father. I view as Gilbert a good model for Dimitri, in that Dimitri should not follow Gilbert’s example in how to express and process grief and guilt. Another reason I dislike Gilbert is that I got locked out of his support chain with Catherine, and that’s just annoying

Technically, since I’ve recruited every character except Claude, Edelgard, and Hubert (and I guess the DLC, but now I’ve unlocked them) and almost every associated support, I could write out my thoughts on them, but I’ll save that for the appropriate routes. 

Assorted Bulleted Thoughts: 

Hubert: Man, he just popped up as a cartoonish villain to defeat all the time, and I digged it haha. It became tradition to have Ingrid fly in and to kill him in one hit without taking any damage. It was great. I felt bad that Edelgard had Not A Word to say about Hubert’s death. 

Edelgard: She was built-up so much as the person that had to be defeated to end the war, but there was a lot of dicking around (and all the time we had to go back to homebase for long periods of time) that Edelgard didn’t really get the time to flesh her out as an antagonist or make me, the player, feel particularly motivated to defeat her. Especially when you learn she apparently had nothing to do with the Tragedy of Duscur, and Dimitri is pretty lukewarm about having to kill his stepsister, once he clears his head. Though, that final animated cutscene was top tier

Rhea: I think there should have been one chapter either before or after fighting Edelgard where you rescue Rhea, because as it is, the way her return is handled is incredibly sloppy and emotionally dead. Not even a scene where Flayn and Seteth greet her. Lame

Marianne: She was my favorite and first recruited unit. Love her. That’s all 

I wish all the Blue Lions had been able to reach A-support with each other, especially Sylvain. I think there woul’ve been a lot he could have gained as a character especially. 

It is dumb as hell male Byleth can’t S-support Dimitri, or any of the male Blue Lions, for that matter. If you could add one male student from GD and BL to be bi, I would’ve picked Dimitri or Ashe from BL. Everyone in GD is pretty hetero, so I will arbitrarily choose Ignatz 

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Biting Off More Than You Can Chew; part 9

Summary: Rus knew a confrontation was coming. He just didn't expect it like this.

Note: Wow, I am really sorry it took me so long to update this one. 

Tags: heatfic, dubious consent, NSFW, frenemies to lovers, mates, first time, more if I think of them

PLEASE READ THE TAGS: This is a Heat story, so there are going to be issues of consent. I don’t do partner rape, nope, but hey, I want to be straight with y’all. I like heatfics personally, but I understand how they can be troubling for some people. So there it is.

Read Chapter 1

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Read Chapter 4

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Read Chapter 7

Read Chapter 8

Read Chapter 9 on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

So it turned out Edge did deserve some credit. Despite being dumped on his own in Underswap where to him all the paths would seem backwards and wrongways, he didn’t do too bad getting back to Snowdin.

Not that Rus let him get too far out of sight. Better to not leave any of the Underfell crowd alone in his ‘verse, right? Edge probably wasn’t going to start any weekend massacres or anything, but it was always good to make sure nothing happened to make Monday morning coffee a little awkward at Muffet’s.

So instead of taking a direct shortcut home, instead he took shorter ones, keeping just ahead of Edge. Besides, even if Edge didn’t know the path, the hints of cigarette smoke that Rus left behind were probably as good as a map, anyway. Not the most conventional puzzle clue, but hey. Rus was a unique guy, gotta love it.

Rus was leaning against the garage, finishing up a last cigarette when Edge finally stalked back into town. He looked irritated, but if the last few hours taught Rus anything, it was that his expression didn’t always jive with what Edge was feeling.

"not bad, edgelord,” Rus called, “you made it back without—" killing anyone, Rus bit off. If they were stuck being bonded together, toning it down on being a complete dick was probably a good starting move, "—getting lost," Rus finished, lamely.

Somehow, he didn't think Edge was completely fooled by the bait and switch. "Thank you, I live for your middling approval. Knowing that I have your respect makes all the effort worthwhile.”

“i’m good for all kinds of middle-ing,” Rus gave him a wink and an upraised middle finger, softening it with a grin. The glare he got in return was no birthday surprise but—

Okay, Edge’s brick wall metaphor worked pretty well for keeping their emotions from butting together, but it was obvious they weren't entirely pros at this whole blocking off the bond thing. A ghostly brush of amusement that wasn’t his own slithered over Rus before vanishing.

Oh.

Edge thought he was funny. In spite of that face of his that always seemed stuck in constipated disapproval, beneath it, Edge actually thought he was funny. It was an uncomfortable realization, made Rus play back a dozen other interactions where he took Edge's remarks as sarcasm and yeah, they were, but not the sarcasm he thought, tainted with dislike and irritation. It was playful sarcasm, the funtimes sarcasm that Sans and Rus both wielded like weapons experts and Red—

Nope, Red was banned from the physical and mental today.

That faint pulse of amusement was turning Rus’s world on its head and Edge was staring at him with narrowed sockets. What was he feeling, Rus wondered, wildly, what emotions was Rus sending his way, because Edge told him the morning after over pancakes that he’d never hated Rus. Somehow, that hadn't gotten around to translating into Rus’s head that maybe Edge liked him, a little, and fuck, fuck, did he know that Rus was trying not to think about kissing him? That he was remembering the heat of Edge’s mouth when he’d fitted his teeth into the healing bite mark on Rus’s collarbone, which suddenly decided now was its chance to start throbbing. The temptation was growing despite Rus trying desperately to plant a mental brick on top of it.

Did he take a step closer or did Edge? Rus wasn't even sure. His cigarette dropped from his hand into the snow and Rus barely heard the hiss as it extinguished.

He was looking at Edge’s mouth and was certainly not thinking at all of the way he’d used it in their shared shower, the unexpected skill of his tongue, he wasn’t, he fucking wasn’t, and Rus didn’t even comprehend the soft ‘ting’ of Edge’s soul turning blue until he was yanked backwards and thrown to the ground. He whipped his head around to see Blue standing with his hand outstretched, his starry eyes blazing with blue-yellow flames. “What the hell did you do to my brother!”

Rus didn’t think. Everything was on automatic as he called on his own magic, flooding with more power than he normally accessed for simple shortcuts as he extended his control hand and pushed. His brother flew back, bouncing off the porch steps with enough force to knock a couple points off his HP.

Snow fell off him in clumps as Blue sat up, his expression twisting between hurt and shock. "Papy?"

Oh, fuck. What had he done, he’d never, never hurt his brother, oh, god, oh, fuck, he--

"okay, that's enough!"

He felt the hard rush of magic enveloping his own soul, the ridiculously cheery chime of it changing blue. It was the only warning he got before Rus was sent sprawling in the snow, cold wetness seeping into his sweatshirt and pants. With an effort, Rus lifted his head from the ground to see Blue and Edge both equally pinned.

To his shock, it was Sans holding them down, one eye socket blazing yellow-blue. His brother stood anxiously next to him, wringing his hands as Sans made his slow way down the stairs, uncaring at the slush dampening his slippers as he walked over to Rus.

"you all right?" Sans asked Rus bluntly.

"me?” Rus sputtered, “of course i’m all right, why the hell--“

Sans interrupted him, his normal laconic speech crisped into sharp syllables. It reminded Rus of…of someone, he wasn’t sure who— “because the three of us just got a hellava treat listening through a locked door while you begged him not to touch you, and when we broke in, you were both gone. no offense, edgelord, but that didn't seem like the world’s friendliest chat going on."

"None taken," Edge said calmly, for all the world like they were having a debate over the dining room table and he wasn't pinned down in the wet snow. "We can explain."

Rus flinched, because they could, but he didn't want to, he didn't, fuck, it was no one else's business. To his relief, he and Sans were in agreement.

"don't need an explanation,” Sans said. The sharpness in his words faded with the strobing light in his socket. “whatever is between you two is on you. just wanted to make sure no one was hurt." He let his hand drop and the pressure on Rus’s soul eased. “now, i wanna watch a movie. you all can come along when you’re ready. c’mon, pap.”

He shuffled his way into the house, Papyrus at his heels and whatever furious, too-loud whispers he was directing at his brother were drowned out by the dull roar in Rus’s head as he looked over to where Blue was laying.

Rus scrambled up and stumbled over to his brother who was slowly sitting up. His baby brother whom he’d never hurt, never, spent years putting band aids on his scraped knees, worked three jobs until he’d been able to get them a house. Those starry eyes always looked at him trustingly, always, and Rus fell to his knees next to him, reaching out and afraid to touch. “blue," Rus started brokenly, "i’m so--"

He broke off when Blue flung himself into his arms, holding him tightly enough to make his breath whoosh out. "Papy! I was so worried!"

"i'm sorry, bro," Rus wheezed, hugged him just as tightly even as his ribs groaned a protest.

He heard the crunch of snow next to them and ducked his head lower, burying his face into Blue’s scarf. Not even a week bonded, and it was already fucking with his head enough that he’d hurt his brother. He needed to get a handle on this, now, and it was pretty obvious that Edge being in his general vicinity wasn’t helping.

A raw little sound escaped from Rus as Blue let go, trying to squirm free and reluctantly, Rus let him. Standing, his brother was barely taller than Rus was kneeling down, but he looked up over Rus’s head with uncommon solemnness.

"I'm sorry, Edge," Blue said quietly.

"No apologies are necessary.” That rough voice, directly behind him, and Rus viciously suppressed a shiver that had nothing to do with the cold snow he was kneeling in. "You were worried for your brother, of course you'd want to protect him.”

Despite his sincere attempts not to think of Red, a pang went through Rus, mostly his, but maybe not all. Protecting his brother, yeah, and Red was a fucker and a half, but—

More snow crunching, moving away and Rus heard the click of the front door, leaving him alone with his brother.

Lifting his head to look at Blue was the hardest thing Rus had ever done. But his eye lights were as starry as ever, filled with that same trust. Not that Rus deserved it, never had, but even less so now. “bro, i’m so sorry.”

Blue only waved it off, unconcerned that his older brother just fucking attacked him like some New Home street thug. “Don’t be silly, Alphys does worse than that when she tells me good morning.”

Too forgiving, by far, always, but damn if Rus wasn’t selfish enough to take it. He nodded, letting out a shaky sigh, “i'm sorry if we worried you.”

Now that he wasn’t all torn up by his feeble attempt at fratricide, what Sans said was starting to come in a little clearer. No wonder Edge let them all off so easy; if Rus had been on the other side of the door listening to Blue begging someone not to touch him, they’d be picking splinters out of the kitchen cupboards for a month.

A gloved hand cupped the side of Rus’s face he leaned into it, shamelessly basking in his brother’s affection. “Papy, what’s going on?”

“i—" Rus hesitated, swallowing hard. How could he explain any part of this to his brother? He’d never hidden his sexual proclivities, neither proud nor ashamed of them, and Blue never judged. The worst he’d ever gotten was exasperated when Rus was late because he’d accidentally slept over. But how could he look into his brother’s trusting, starry eyes and explain this clusterfuck? But he couldn’t say nothing, either.

Okay, then, evasive maneuvers. “can we talk about it later?”

Gentle as his brother was, there was some steel in his spine and right now it was working as a poker in his ass. That expression was pure determination, even as Blue nodded. He was getting a pass, for now, but it wouldn’t last forever, and Rus was going to have to either come clean or work out a new bedtime story that Blue might buy.

Welp, that was a problem for Tomorrow Rus. Today Rus pulled his brother in for another hug, one that Blue happily returned…for a moment.

"Phew!" Blue pushed him away, and his expression was one of almost comical dismay. "You stink, brother, when was the last time you took shower?"

Wow, rude. “i took a shower this morning! i’m clean as a freshly washed bar of soap.” Rus tugged up the front of his sweatshirt and gave it a good sniff. Didn’t smell weird to him, but then, he spent all day stewing in his odors, so he probably wouldn’t notice. "probably my hoodie, must've picked it from the wrong laundry pile."

“Go change,” Blue scolded, giving him a gentle shove even as he waved a hand in front of his face. “Do you want to finish the movie? You can go take a nap if you’d rather, I can tell the others you’re tired.”

“bro, you are a bonafide living angel,” Rus said, and that was nothing but frank honesty.

Blue huffed out a laugh and gave him another playful shove. “Go on, then, I’ll bring you up a plate later.”

“thanks, bro,” Rus scrambled to his feet, dripping snow as he dropped a kiss on top of Blue’s skull and stepped back, shortcutting up to his room. He stripped off his wet clothes and left them in a pile, not bothering to replace them as he collapsed bare bones onto the mattress, already halfway to an exhausted dreamland.

The blanket stayed in a crumpled ball at his feet, unused. Maybe he needed to check on their thermostat, Rus decided, already more asleep than not. Cheap fucking thing might be broken again, because it felt like it was set too high. The house seemed kinda hot.

~~*~~

tbc

[noirwomaninred]

Grunts, gasps and moans of Final Fantasy 7 Remake review

My absolutely spoiler free review / thoughts about the game followed with under the cut spoiler “review” where I give my thoughts on the story which I absolutely forbid you from reading before you are done with the game.

Do realize that the under the cut spoiler section will have full spoilers not just for the remake but for the original Final Fantasy 7.

However the initial spoiler free review will go in depth to the game systems, so if you want to learn those on your own you would better skip the whole post.

Meat of the game (Combat system)

The game has an active battle system similar to Final Fantasy XV or Kingdom Hearts games but feels much more refined. You can play the game as hack and slash on easier difficulties, but the normal difficulty (with hard being unlocked ones you finish the game) tests your knowledge of the system at times.

By landing hits on enemies or just by waiting you fill your ATB (Active time battle) gauge and once you have enough of it you can do special attacks and use spells or items. This makes some moments quite tense when you are on low health and need to fill ATB by rushing in and lands bunch of hits in quick succession to be able to heal your character before they get killed.

You can also skip the active time battle by setting the difficulty to “classic” when the AI takes over your characters who automatically attack, dodge and guard against attacks while you can focus on just giving commands on what abilities, spells or items they should use when ATB meter is up. If you think your the AI isn’t doing good enough job you can take control at anytime and the overall difficulty of “classic” mode is same as easy.

You can equip skills, spells and active buffs by equipping materia, which are items that grant these skills. The characters aren’t able to use those skills if materia is unequipped, so you have to choose what works best for you.

On top of the materia system you have different weapons that give your characters different abilities. Using the said abilities they can learn them and can then use them even when the weapon is changed.

You take control of multiple characters and you are able to switch between them on the fly whenever you wish in combat. Each character feels different to play and have their own strengths and weaknesses.

Only negative I would have is that targeting system can be at times a bit fickle and camera occasionally can be fighting against you when trying to hit enemies who are above ground level. This is more of a nitpick than a real problem.

The combat system is great and has enough depth to carry a full game.

Grunts, gasps and moans (Audio)

This game suffers the same problem as most of the console games. There isn’t really a sweet spot for audio to be perfect. Music can swallow the dialogue or the other way around, the side dialogue can swallow the main dialogue etc.

If you haven’t guessed the title of my review comes from the audio problems the game has. The grunts, gasps and moans can at times be way too loud and just distracting. For example when character is clearly far in the background you can hear them grunt as if they were doing it right agaisnt your ear.

From let’s plays (and my own experience) the side dialogue heard by random characters on the streets are a bit too loud and distracting. None of these things isn’t anything that ruins the experience but it is a bit annoying.

What did you expect (Music)

Music is done by Nobuo Uematsu, along with Masashi Hamauzu and Mitsuto Suzuki. It is amazing and among one of my favorite video game soundtracks.

Everyone is so pretty and hot (Graphics / visuals)

Graphics of this game are unreal, every character is so pretty, lighting is on point and the art direction is great. They made trash look interesting in HD and that is saying much.. Though there are few times when you see low textures or even the infamous doors that are impossible to miss and look like they didn’t load correctly or just miss proper textures. This again is more of a nitpick and not a real problem.

Everyone is so nice and wholesome (Characters)

All the characters are likable and charming on their own way. The banter between the cast members is done really well and no one feels under utilized. Some side characters may be way over the top and anime if you don’t like that kind of thing but that again is down to your own taste. At first I had a bit of a trouble accepting some but I grew to like all them in the end.

Good guys are good and villains are villains. I like them all.

Final thoughts

The game is quite amazing on all fronts but at times it can feel a bit bloated and drag on during some sections though this is mostly down to your own opinion. Personally I didn’t feel the sections drag on in more than two points of the game when I felt the pacing was a bit too slow for what was going on (The other case being just feeling that area was stretched out and other a pacing issue for what was going on with the story).

I overall recommend the game if you are s fan of JRPGs, but as a remake of FF7 it is quite different and can be good or bad depending on how you like it. Though I will say that if you expected the marketed remake of the original story with expanded bits.. It simply isn’t it.

With that out of the way under the cut is the spoiler review and my thoughts on the story of the game. Do not read it unless you have played the game or just don’t give a f*** about full spoilers.

Here I will put up my thoughts on the full story and go deeper into certain scenes that has been added or altered from the original. Please know that these are my personal opinions and if you disliked something that I liked or that I disliked something you liked is fine, no hate coming from me so don’t toss it my way! Feel free to hit me up in instant messages if you want to discuss stuff.

The Avalanche gang

The side characters from the Avalanche have been greatly expanded upon and all of it is good, while Jessie got the most of it and I honestly don’t mind that.

We get a whole new side adventure with the gang which makes sense as part of the bigger plot and gives the characters time to shine. This also makes the emotional punch later on feel much more effective.

Train graveyard and spooky ghosts

This part that is added with Aerith’s backstory being expanded by just a small glimpse and having the characters run around with spooky ghosts is good.. But it is placed in the worst place when considering the full narrative.

At this time the characters are running towards Sector 7 to prevent the plate from falling on +50 000 people and to have a prolonged part with ghosts makes takes away from the build up and the agency of the moment. If this spooky ghost part would have been done in any other point of the story it would have been fine but now it drags on the part of the game that should feel intense.

Use of Sephiroth

PTSD / ghost appearances

I was all aboard for Sephiroth being a haunting ghost for Cloud with the worst case of PTSD. The only scene I would have cut from him would have been the first meeting with Aerith where he feels really out of place for me and the “you can’t save anyone” taunt talk would have been better used right before the plate fall instead of being used as a “hey, you remember Aerith is gonna die” moment that is just eh.

I especially loved the moment right after the plate fall when Cloud freaks out as Sephiroth taunts how he just let all those people die and all the others see is him freaking out because of nothing.

Final moments

To have him as a final boss of the game is just... Please, can’t you save anything at all for the end of the story? We already had our final boss of the whole remake story I guess. Overall in the end when they stopped using Sephiroth as a haunting ghost and turned him into a random big bad of the story, where he literally has no place in even with the changed narrative, is just quite lame for me personally and it felt like he was overused.

Shinra board of directors

All the villains are great. None of them is toned down and they clearly love what they do just as they did in the original game. Scarlett was a bit over the top but to be fair I always got the insane dominatrix vibes from her so it works. Hojo is absolutely delight on how creepy and off putting he is.

The changed story with them using the reactor bombings and the plate fall not to just turn the people against Avalanche but to sell a war to their civilians against Wutai is really well done and I’m excited to see where it goes.

The TURKS

The TURKS are all portrayed as they have always been. Great stuff.

Roche

Roche is a bit too over the top but he is way too fabulous not to like as a frenemy. It took a bit for me to warm up to him but I think he is a great addition. Though I think it is a missed opportunity not to have him have a second appearance at the very end during the motorcycle escape.

The Honey Bee inn

The Honey Bee inn might very well be one of my favorite gaming moments of my life. It is whimsical, way over the top and fabulous not to like. What I like the most of it is the fact they didn’t turn it into a harmful scene or a joke that might hurt the people who crossdress or fight with their gender identity.

I love the fact that they go as far as have the character in game state that one should always be who they are without fear and the beauty is something that the gender does not apply to.

However the cat calling on the streets for Aerith and Cloud was a bit too much and uncomfortable and the follow up sleeping gass scene, that was added instead of having the charcters just lead to the basement, was too real.

The plate fall and the aftermath

The plate fall event was quite spectacular and great overall. However I do think that Square has lost their touch on what the tone of certain scenes should be with the random appearance of Cait Sith (that will be just wtf moment for new comers who have no context for a cat with a crown) when everything goes down. It is really short glimpse but it was more than enough to take me out of the emotional impact and just make me groan.

It also took me a great attempt on suspension of disbelief to have Wedge survive the ordeal, but I managed it and accepted it. However as much as I wished for Biggs to survive I can’t suspend my disbelief so much. They had him die in front of the gang and if he somehow just passed out and they were silly enough to leave him behind (which I doubt they would have done) they had him be on the pillar that was destroyed beyond any recognition.. So yeah.. It truly does a disservice for the whole emotional impact of the plate fall and overall experience when the plot armor is so damn thick.

I mean right now I’m at the point of thinking that Jessie is alive because she “died” just like Biggs and if he survived so should she, right?

I really wish they would have had the guts to pull the trigger on the characters like they did in the original or at least write sensible ways to have some of the characters survive.

Jenova

I think they downplayed the horror aspect of Jenova and revealed too much too soon. There is no more a nightmare fuel scene in the game where you get to go through the eerie quiet Shinra building with bodies here and there with a blood trail and claw marks on the walls. Now it is simply reduced to following a spooky juice that might be purple glowing blood.

As fun as the boss battle against the Jenova was it felt out of place and confusing. I generally feel that the creators thought that they just had to cram Jenova fight in there and couldn’t wait for it to happen later or have Jenova get their proper introduction later on.

Rufus

Rufus, while he looks absolutely stunning, is downplayed. Now he is simply reduced to a random boss battle that is sudden and he has no real character introduction like he did in the original. Even his lines were given to Heidegger who had at this point been well established so this choice just feels bizarre. I realize he wouldn’t have much of a role here anyway but now Rufus didn’t even get a proper introduction for going forward.

Last bosses and Zack

The whole section that starts from the moment the gang stops on the highway and have Aerith give random speech how Sephiroth is bad and they should stop him and all, even without establishing why he is bad or who he is in the remake or how Aerith knows about him at all. Going forward it becomes a confused mess and the boss feels so out of place by being something that should have been in Kingdom Hearts instead of FF7 which is (or was) grounded on reality rather well up until the ending parts of the game.

They also give rather confusing scenes of Zack at the end with no context to anything that is happening until the very last scene of the whole game which I don’t mind.. But have Zack appear out of nowhere and not explaining it at all feels like a chep try for nostalgia and not much else.

However have him appear and walk past Cloud and Aerith as they head out of Midgar was great and could have worked if there wasn’t any additional scenes of him. To have this mystery character with Cloud to head towards Midgar at the end of the game would have been a great hook for the new comers but now it is just... It is what it is, I guess.

Constant spoilers

The game is littered with scenes of Cloud seeing to the “future” (who know how that will go now). Some of these are more subtle than others but some scenes are flat out spoilers that aren’t difficult to figure out by new comers.

I just don’t agree with this spoiler culture and it took me out of the experience at times, though I think that new comers have less of a problem with that if they won’t figure out what certain things mean..?

What absolutely felt too much was flat out showing Aerith dead in a flash forward, the meteor and destruction of Midgar of all things. Just stop.

The whispers

I absolutely hate this addition and before anyone loses their mind let me explain. The floating cloak people make some scenes cringe worthy (like them kidnapping Cloud and Aerith to have them fly away from Reno in comical manner) and they add absolutely nothing to the flow of the story.

For example the whispers prevent the characters from stopping Rude and Reno from making the plate fall... There was no need for them. They could have just had them fail without some “propfetic ghosts who make sure people die because that is how the story must go”. All the moments they “forced the story” to go certain way could have literally happened without them and without them it would have flowed much better.

They have Barret die for a moment just to bring him back by the whispers because his part in the story isn’t done yet. This is a cheap attempt for a tear jerker and takes away all the worry if he will be okay or not going forward for the new comers to FF7 since they wouldn’t raise him from the dead just to kill him off later.

They save the gang during the motorcycle scene multiple times just to make sure to dissolve whatever tension there is left by reassuring us that “hey our gang is safe because that is how the story goes”. They could have had them survive on their own.

Overall every time the whispers were on the screen they took me out of the experience first by just having me react by going “wtf are you doing here” and just made intense moments feel less so.. And now that I know what they were supposed to do I just think “all that would have gone down anyway” and “You literally gave plot armor a living form”? Not to mention that how they were included, would I agree or not (which I don’t) on their inclusion, they are written in the most cringy and poor fanfiction-y kind of way.

They apparently are the arbiters of fate which protect the original story of FF7 and by defeating them we can propably now have Aerith live and change everything. They are just used to give Square a permission to not just remake the game with modern gameplay, graphics and expand the original story but to flat out remake the whole story to something else. I can’t get over the fact they added time travel of all things to FF7.

I can't stand the fact that the whispers don't add anything to the narrative since without their involment everything would have happened naturally anyway. On top of that because of their "involment" to the story the narrative of FF7 Remake doesn't stand on its own by for example showing Zack with absolutely no context to anything, that even ruins his most iconic scenes that are used in the remake and Sephiroth ends up being "this bad guy who killed Cloud's mom and wants to destroy the planet for reasons that aren't explained at all and he apparently knows everything about the timeline" so even him being the big bad of the remake is just nonsensical when he isn't given proper context for anything that is going on. We simply have Aerith go "Sephiroth is bad and should be stopped" and we don't even get reasons why Aerith knows about him at all. The newcomers to the series have a remake of a game that doesn't stand as its own story without them knowing everything about the original game. They are just an excuse to have a justification for Square Enix to change the story going forward to whatever they want and after seeing how cringe worthy the whispers were I'm legit afraid the follow ups will be bad case of fanfiction.

I really, really hate that after playing through a long and arguably an amazing remake I’m left with bad taste in my mouth which stains all the great moments I had with it as all I will remember is how bad the ending turned out to be.

...I really hate to say this but the whispers act like a marketing scam. The game that was sold to us was a remake of a classic with expanded story but now what we have is retcon / reboot to turn it to who knows what going forward. Maybe what we will have in the future is amazing but I’m a bit sore after this.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake is a game that I loved 90% through but unfortunately I loathe the last 10% which is enough to take me out of the experience. Not to mention that 10% is more imporant to the mess of a story we now have than what happened in the rest of the game and it has such great implications on what will happen to the future parts of the remake.. So yeah.

...I just don’t agree and I legit have a fear this will turn into bad fanfiction going forward. I hope this will turn out not to be that way but the fear of it is real.

[rinusagitora]

The love, lead, and the undead.

Fandom: Monster Prom

Characters: Vicky Schmidt, Damien LaVey, Vera Oberlin, Oz, Zoe

Pairings: Brian/Damien/Vicky, Oz/Zoe, platonic Vicky/Vera

Words: 2.7k

Summary: Canon divergent. Chapter 1/7. WARNINGS--- smut;  Vicky has a lot on her plate between robberies and her love for Damien. Even though they're successful, problems from the past and present stand between them.

Vicky held his throat and pinned him to his plush mattress as she rode him. Brian, behind her, jabbed Damien’s prostate. Between the lack of air and sexual stimulation, Damien’s eyes were crossed and he was right on the edge of ecstasy.

---

When Damien woke up, he reached for Vicky, because his dream was amazing and her hip was flush against his and her butt was great and she smelled like an awesome, fruity perfume that he wanted to bury his nose in.

He opened his eyes to his arms around his poofy body pillow and he felt stupid and dejected and he kind of wanted to cry.

Instead, Damien made way to the bathroom, where he buried his feelings in his morning routine. He texted Scott about that afternoon's football meet. If he couldn't have Vicky, he could at least check out Brian's ass and daydream about the one party where they drank too much and made out.

Stan was in the kitchen with a mug full of disgustingly domestic hot chocolate.

"Where's Dad?" Damien asked.

"He’s showering. There's bacon and toast left over for you," Stan replied. "You look like you slept like shit."

"I was having a good dream, and then I woke up and realized it was a dream."

"I'm sorry. That's disappointing. If it helps, I dreamt Lucien helicoptered his dick at the Aquinos."

Damien broke into a grin. "That's a pretty sweet dream," he said. "I'm off now. See you later."

"Have a good day."

On campus, Damien lounged in the library and perused his hundreds of selfies with Vicky and Brian. Brian didn't smile a lot. It was still as gorgeous as Vicky's.

Beyond a bookshelf, Leonard's voice struck his ear like an icepick.

"God, this chick is an ugly, fake whore! She actually got this producer to agree to one of her hot takes on Makido the Giant. I swear. These SJWs are ruining all the good television shows."

Damien was not in the mood to listen to that neckbeard’s drivel, so he hopped over the shelf and landed in front of Leonard.

"Makido is my friend's favorite show, y'know," he snarled with a guttural, fiery edge. Damien grabbed Leonard by his neck and dragged him to the bathroom. Makido was a great excuse to beat out his anxiety.

---

Vicky loved a lot of boys. Like, a lot. Scott, Brian, Oz, Liam, Blobert, Cal. She loved them all. When they talked to her, the attention went straight to wherever made her feel like she was fucking invincible. It came to be that her infinite source of love focused on Damien as of recent, her most hot-headed classmate and friend, and for more than one week like the rest of her phases of attraction seemed to last.

Of course she gravitated towards him. He was all kinds of crazy like she was: the happy kind of crazy that felt like drums punched her chest, or that first second after she snort a ton of coke.

Damien held Leonard by the back of his head in one of the toilets. As much as Vicky loathed that obnoxious, holier-than-thou, nonsensical neckbeard, and as much as she enjoyed seeing him helplessly gurgle, Damien's heart didn't seem as invested into Leonard's torment as he usually was. No jeers, no curse words, just a lame, dejected sigh. It concerned Vicky.

"You look frustrated," Vicky, loyal captain of the generally disliked naval vessel the S.S. Obvious, remarked. "What's on your mind?"

Damien's eyes were so golden. A poet of ancient Greece would describe them as pure ore. "Nothing," he grumbled. He pulled Leonard out of the can and threw him out of the stall. "Scram, freak. You're no fun anymore.”

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"No. That was a blatant lie. I'm not sure why I did that."

Vicky reminded herself to trust her gut in the future. Things were always as they seemed when it came to Damien.

"I'm just… love is metal, man. Like, it's pretty badass to trust someone enough to be vulnerable around them.”

"Is… is philosophy making you upset?" she asked.

"No. But there's this girl I really like. Like, I like her more than anyone I have before. I feel like I'm on fire when I'm with her and the second she's out of sight I snuff out. She'll smile and I'll lose my breath. I like her more every day. This morning, and I'll kill you if you fucking laugh at this, but this morning I woke up and I was looking for her because I had a dream we were together. My chest felt like it would collapse when I realized it wasn't real."

Oh.

Vicky's chest felt like it collapsed too. He talked about that woman like Vicky was just one of the guys. Like she hadn't had Damien's back for a year, like she didn't adore all his adventures.

Yet as much as it hurt, Vicky only wanted to make Damien happy.

"Why haven't you told her yet?"

Damien's head fell into his hands. "'Cause I like this guy too, Vicky, and I want them both. It's gonna break her heart and I’ll lose both of them. This isn’t some kind of passing fancy. This isn’t me wanting a three-way. I adore both of them.”

"There are people like you," Vicky said, people like her who liked lots of boys. She’d stay with him, even if she didn’t like his other partner. “You should give it a shot.”

"I don't think I can. If I can't have them, even as friends, I’m not sure I could take it.”

Vicky held his hands. “Damien, you’re better than this,” she croaked. “You’ve never been so reserved. I hate seeing you like this. Please… tell me how I can help.”

“It’s…” Damien stared, his chest rattled. “I have to go.”

He pushed past Vicky. She collided with the locking mechanism, but she hardly felt it, because her chest hurt so much. Damien didn’t love her, he couldn’t tell her who he loved, he couldn’t even tell her why he couldn’t tell why he refused to tell her.

---

Oz wasn’t used to the weird couple walk Zoe adored. Not that he didn’t like it, because he did. Zoe fit underneath this shoulder like a puzzle piece and it was so fucking adorable, and she held his hip like it was glued there. But Oz was clumsy, and Fear wanted in on the action so he tripped over their excited bubbling. Zoe thought it was funny, at least.

“Y’know, I need to ask Damien something. Let’s sit with him.”

“Okay.”

Just before they sat down, Vicky rushed past them with a tray in hand and tears in her eyes.

“Wow, I’ve never seen Vicky act like this,” Zoe commented. “You guys are friends, right? What’s going on with her?”

Damien snapped his fork in half. “Not your fucking business, you nosy freak.”

“That’s Damien-speak for he does know and it’s probably his fault,” Oz whispered in one of Zoe’s ears.

“Dammit Oz, fuck off! If Vicky didn’t tell you, she sure as hell doesn’t want you knowing.”

“We’re her friends too, though,” Oz retorted. “You’re our friend too.”

Damien grit his teeth. “I fucked up, okay? I like this girl and I can’t tell her, and she tried to help me this morning, but I’m too big of a fucking bitch to let her know it’s her and it’s not her fault that I’m a fucking coward.”

“Oh my goood!” Zoe gasped. “You do like Vicky! I swore you were into Brian, though! What changed? Oh my god, is this a love triangle? Are you stuck between two lovers?”

“Can you fucking act semi normal for once in your motherfucking life!”

Fuck, Zoe was perceptive. “Zoe… let’s be more sensitive about this,” Oz said as Damien beat his head against the table.

“I like them both, okay? And I don’t want to choose, and I don’t want to hurt or lose any of them. I just gonna to keep this to myself.”

“Damien, did you tell Vicky you like her and Brian and you don’t want to choose? Or have you made these decisions on your own?” Oz asked. Mortals and their drama was both fascinating and obnoxious.

“... no.”

“Seriously consider it. You don’t know what she is okay with. Are you content living in safety and security? Or do you want to live vivaciously, even if your partners don’t end up being Brian and Vicky?”

“Okay,” Damien replied. “I will. Thank you.”

---

The school day wasn’t even halfway over when Vicky decided to go home. Vera's sleek, absurdly shiny limo pulled up to the sidewalk next to her.

"Get in, bitch," Vera said from the interior.

"I'm surprised you didn't poison me," Vicky said as she climbed inside.

"I’ve come to the conclusion you're more effective as my partner in crime when you're not foaming at the mouth. You look like you need a drink, though. Scotch?"

"Single malt," Vicky replied. "Fill the glass off and keep the bottle out."

"Sweet flaming baby Satan, what's up with you?"

"Damien. He likes another girl and it's not me, and he refuses to tell me who it is, and refuses more tell me why he can't tell me. Since these problems totally matter, I'd very much like to drink away the memory of today."

Vicky grimaced as Vera gave her a look of unbridled disgust. "Sorry, I'll keep it to myself."

"No. That was mostly for Damien." Vera massaged her sinuses. "You people are hopeless. Y'know, if I cared more about social graces, I wouldn't tell you this, but that girl Damien was talking about is you, Vicky. He's just too much of a pussy ass bitch to fess up to it. God knows he buries his feelings under his stupid sense of masculinity."

Vicky wanted to cry. All her work to get into his circle, all her effort to get him to realize how wonderful she was, had paid off.

But why in god’s good name was he so scared to tell her that he liked her? She didn’t care if he liked her and someone else.

Nonetheless, Vicky said, "Thanks. I don't wanna think about this right now, though."

"Why don't we rob a bank then? That always seems to put you in a good mood."

"Somehow I knew you had ulterior motives," Vicky said as she caught a ski mask and sweats Vera threw at her.

---

Seventeen hours later and about seventeen grand heavier, Vicky returned to campus with more pep in her step.

Part of her felt bad that Vera told her about something as private as Damien's feelings. Surely, there had to be a reason he hadn't told her. But she wanted to put an end to their charade so if Damien refused to tell her about his feelings for her, she would, and if he still refused to tell her, so be it. There were there fish in the sea.

If Vera's information was wrong, though, and Damien didn't return Vicky's feelings, their friendship would suffer. Collateral damage.

Vicky found Damien asleep in the shallow woods behind campus. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, "Damien, you're gonna kill your back sleeping up there!" He wasn't a fucking puma, or… whatever tree-dwelling cat was more apt for the analog she needed.

Did pumas even sleep in trees?

Damien flew upright upon disruption, and less than gracefully slammed his head into a thick branch above him. He cursed, lost his balance as he braced himself, and fell to the ground. Vicky yelped and ran to check on him.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Damien. Are you okay?"

"No. Holy shit, that hurt," Damien groaned. He curled up into a ball and held his forehead. "Fuck, why do I do this shit?"

"Sh-should I get you some ice? God, that's gonna swell like a bitch."

"Ice? Fuck no!" Damien snapped. "God, just… fuck….”

"Let's go to the nurse's office." Vicky reached to help Damien to his feet. He scrambled away like she burned him.

"I'm fine!" he snapped. Vicky's eyes watered. "Just… stop, okay? Worse has happened!"

Vicky's hands fell into her lap. She was a stupid little girl. "Sorry. I'll… see you around." She picked up her backpack and ran before Damien could reach her.

She tumbled helplessly into the bathroom. She slammed the stall door behind her, dropped her bag (with a very expensive laptop inside) on the linoleum, and she didn't even cover her mouth as she bawled. Vicky gave a whole new meaning to ugly crying. When she cried, the stitched skin on her face scrunched up and she had to push it into place when she finished, she never failed to hyperventilate so her face was always puffy, and whenever she cried, her snot always dripped down her face like her mother was Niagara fucking Falls.

When she heard a knock at her stall, Vicky covered her mouth (as if that would do anything) and hoped they'd pass.

"Bitch, it's me, open up," Vera said from beyond her stall.

Vicky unlocked her stall and let Vera inside.

"Sorry, not at my best right now," Vicky said.

"What the hell is going on? You're crying in here, and Damien reached a new record for amount of people he's beat the shit out of today and it’s only lunchtime. Already get into a lover's quarrel? He’s not telling me shit."

She shook her head. "No. He was sleeping in a tree, and I woke him up, and he hit his head and fell, and he got really mad at me."

Vera's hair bristled. "What a dumbass, cunt-blowing, son of a bitch."

Vicky was pulled to her feet and dragged behind Vera. She only narrowly managed to catch her backpack. Vera ignored Vicky's protests. She wanted to be seen when she fixed her face slippage, and she had to wipe her nose on her sleeve which was fucking gross. They were ignored though, because Vera's rage was palpable. Her snake-hair incessantly hissed and bared their teeth at passersby.

In the cafeteria, Vera unkindly slammed Vicky into a seat across from Damien and Scott. Until Damien saw her, he only half-heartedly picked at his food. When his eyes met her's, though, it felt like Vicky was kicked square in the gut because he dropped his fork and looked like she kicked him instead.

"Oh no, Vicky, what's wrong?" Scott cried. "Are you sad? Will balls help? Balls help me feel better when I’m sad."

The tension of Vera's death stare made Damien sweat visibly. "It’s nothing you need to worry about, Scott. Damien knows what he did," Vera said. "We're gonna sit here until he fixes it."

"Vera, it's fine. Damien and I can work this out."

Scott gasped. If he wasn't so stupid, Vicky would've guessed Scott deliberately rubbed salt in Damien’s wounds. "Oh my God, Damien made you cry? Dude, that's not cool. She's like your best friend. You don't make your friends cry! That’s not what good friends do."

"Scott, just, shut up for a minute!" Damien barked.

"Well, what do you have to say?" Vera said.

Vicky was caught between her loyalty to Damien and her own, awful, vindictive pleasure as Vera ripped him a filthy new asshole. She bashfully sat back and stared back at Damien.

"I'm sorry about this morning. I've been on edge lately. It kind of just boiled over and I took it out on you. That wasn't right. I mean, I don't give a shit about right and wrong, but your feelings… your feelings matter to me."

"And?" Vera said.

Damien's face glowed with… embarrassment, or something along those lines. "I really like you, Vicky. Yesterday, when we were in the bathroom, I was trying to tell you that, but I couldn't get it out. That's kind of why I've been so pent up lately. I keep trying to tell you and I keep chickening out."

Vicky's heart just about popped out of her chest and tap danced for them. Instead, she lunged across the table and squeezed Damien so hard his back cracked.

Damien didn’t seem to mind. He crushed her in his own embrace as he crushed her lips against her. Scott howled with excitement and drew the attention of their classmates. There was applause from their friends. Vicky was embarrassed, but it was buried under the noise of her own giddy. Not even lasagna smeared on her sweater was enough to put a damper on her mood because the only thing that could take her out of that moment would have been wedding bells.

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 12: “You Look Like You’re Having Fun”

My brain’s still kinda fried from the Sarazanmai finale, so my thoughts might not be super coherent or detailed this week, but I still wanna write up my thoughts on this new Fruits Basket episode, especially since it was even better than I expected it to be.

Thoughts under the cut. [Spoiler warning for the whole manga]

I think I’ve said before that by this point we’re in the midst of a fairly good stretch of episodes where the reboot is going to be very similar to the 2001 anime in what material it covers in each episode, and that continues in this one, as I figured.

This episode covers chapters 19 and 20 of the manga, which is the same as what episode 13 of the 2001 anime covered, and from what I remember of that version, the two versions are pretty identical in how they just adapt the manga 1:1, so there’s nothing particularly noteworthy there. I think episode 13 of the 2001 anime was one of the relatively few times where I think they actually did a good job of preserving the emotional depth and darkness of the manga, but I still think this episode did an even better job.

I’m kinda meh about the whole first half [since I’ve never really been the biggest fan of the part of the manga to begin with, which I’ll get into in a minute], but the whole second half with Akito was fantastic. It had been heavily teased at in some of the PVs we’ve gotten, but it still managed to be even more disturbing than I was expecting. It’s not like they added in anything that wasn’t in the manga [aside from a short flashback to that one time Akito had a mental breakdown and painted Yuki’s room black, which I don’t think had been hinted at this early in the manga], but it just executed the material really perfectly. [Though I think the bit at the start of the episode with Tohru seeing Akito’s car pull up at the school might have been a new scene]

The improved voice acting and animation really help drive home the extent of Yuki’s trauma in particular. Even though this is like the billionth time I’ve seen this scene in some form or another, it still kinda shook me, lol.

This whole part also really goes to show how important Tohru is as a person to Yuki, and also to all the other zodiac members in general. She’s someone that’s willing to stand up for him, and to give him happy memories to help outweigh his bad ones. Especially with his whole monologue near the end, I think the badminton scene is probably where he first becomes at least subconsciously aware of how he’s seeking out a mother’s love from her.

Come to think of it, it’s kinda funny how recently we’ve been in a bit of a pattern of going from a fun episode to a more dark one, and so on. It’s not a complaint or anything. I think it does a nice job of not spending too much time in a row on a particular emotional tone. And that sorta pattern should hold up with how the next episode is gonna be Ayame’s introduction, and after that we should get Momiji’s backstory and the grave visit.

And on the note of Ayame’s intro being the focus of the next episode, I’m still curious to see if they incorporate the part where Tohru and Yuki visit his shop in chapter 36 into it, or if they’ll just stick to adapting chapters 21-22 alone, and leave that other chapter for later. I don’t think it’d change much one way or another, but still.

Anyway I guess I gotta address the elephant in the room and say that I’m just not really a big fan of the material covered in the first half of this episode. I don’t hate it, but I just don’t like it as much as like 99% of the fandom seems to.

For one thing, that one Tohru-Kyo scene has always stuck out to me as being a little too . . . generic shojo romance-y for my tastes. It’s one of those few moments where the series unironically indulges in Kyo’s Bad Boy Aesthetic [tm] and it just doesn’t work for me. But I obviously get why lots of people love it.

The part that I’m more annoyed at is the whole sequence with Haru and Momiji’s outfits, and I feel like it’s something that I need to add a whole list of disclaimers to so that people don’t misunderstand me, lol. I just feel like it’s a really good example of how Takaya’s heart is genuinely in the right place when it comes to some of the more progressive sentiments in the series, but the specific angle she approaches certain things at leaves a really bad taste in my mouth, especially when you think about the story as a whole and how things end up.

Specifically I just have issues with how Momiji’s cross-dressing is handled. The part with Haru is fine and I definitely appreciate the whole point of how whether or not someone wears jewelry and piercings and stuff has no inherent bearing on their personality, though the whole bit with him dragging Makoto off to the bathroom, uh . . . maybe hasn’t aged well, lmao. But anyway, I feel like the whole thing with Momiji seems perfectly fine on the surface, but the more you think about it in the context of the whole story, the more it feels uncomfortable.

The message that he should wear whatever he feels comfortable wearing is completely valid, but I just dislike how the story goes about it by saying that ‘it’s fine because he looks good in it, and he’s going to dress normally when he grows up anyway’. There’s a lot going on between the lines here, but I just think it’s really shitty and deceptively regressive that they justify it by pretty much saying ‘don’t worry, it’s just a phase, he’ll grow out of it and dress like a “normal man” later on anyway’. Which is bad enough on it’s own, but then we actually get to see him grow up later in the manga and he definitely does seem to unceremoniously switch to more conventionally masculine fashion because . . . it’s what’s expected of him, I guess? It’s not like he ever seemed to lose interest in wearing feminine clothing, he just stops wearing it after he hits his growth spurt, and it’s framed as something natural and inevitable.

Even the sentiment of ‘he looks good in it, though :)’, in the context of the series as a whole, carries this uncomfortable undertone of ‘it’s fine because for the moment he’s short and looks sort of “like a girl” but once he gets taller and looks more “like a man” he’ll obviously start dressing like one’. It’s the sort of thing that seems like a genuinely progressive and accepting message about how we shouldn’t judge people for the clothes they like to wear, but if you look closely there’s an asterisk and a whole paragraph of fine text at the bottom of the page about how it’s actually only acceptable to cross-dress as a man if your body type, height, etc, make you look ‘like a girl’ in the first place, and that once you hit puberty you should dress like a man because feminine clothing ‘doesn’t fit you anymore’.

In general this series has some weird recurring hang-ups about the specific idea of ‘men wearing girl’s clothing’, to the point where it comes up in different ways with at least three different characters. I know it’s something that a lot of people in the fandom don’t like hearing negativity and complaints about, but I’m not gonna shut up about this, lmao. Y’all just have to deal with the fact that this series isn’t perfect and that I’m allowed to criticize it while also really liking other parts of it.

And on the general note of how the series kinda drops the ball when it comes to pretty much everything to do with gender presentation, this episode brings us another round of the fun game known as ‘the Fruits Basket fandom is in shocked-pikachu.jpg mode at the fact that pretty much every new fan immediately “““figures out”““ that Akito’s a woman’. I wonder what gave it away? Was it that unavoidably female voice? The feminine/androgynous character design that’s explicitly compared to Yuki who’s already meant to look like a girl [apparently]? The fact that we’ve only ever seen Akito wearing either the sort of kimono that at least from a Western perspective would seem very feminine, or this tight-fitting turtleneck sweater? The fact that she’s had romantically/sexually charged moments with at least one or two dudes, which for better or worse ends up making most people view her as being feminine? The fact that like 90% of the dialogue referencing Akito ends up not even using gendered pronouns in the first place? I wonder what could have possibly lead to people naturally assuming that Akito’s a girl and glossing over the, like, five lines of dialogue thus far that even use he/him pronouns toward her, lmao.

One way or another, Akito being a girl has always been the biggest non-twist of the entire series, and the fact that it’s so obvious and that the only reaction new fans have to it is pretty much just ‘oh ok I didn’t really think it was meant to be some kind of shocking surprise or anything’ really just spells out how it’s not even meaningful or interesting as a twist anyway, and that knowing about it from the start does absolutely nothing to hinder anyone’s enjoyment of the series. It’s honestly hard to even tell for new fans that we’re even meant to feel convinced that Akito’s a man, with how little effort the series ever puts into ‘hiding’ her true gender.

I probably sound angrier about this than I am, but mostly I’m just baffled that even though the manga’s been over for like 15 years, people still don’t realize how incredibly lame and shallow this whole plot point is. Like seriously, y’all, what could the reboot have even DONE to actually lead to it not being super obvious that Akito’s a woman? Unless they outright changed her character design to be a lot more masculine, the only thing they could have done would have been to give her a male voice actor, which was almost certainly never going to happen for obvious reasons. I guess what I’m saying is that it’s not like it’s the reboot’s fault that things turned out this way. There’s only so much they reasonably could have done. And even though I haven’t heard much of Akito’s new dub voice, I think Maaya Sakamoto actually does a very good job at sounding androgynous/masculine, and in general her voice work in this episode was really effective and disturbing. I think she’s one of the most masculine-sounding female VAs they could have gone for [aside from maybe someone like Romi Park or Megumi Ogata, but I don’t know if they would have fit Akito very well]. I guess it mostly just bugs me that people are blaming the reboot for something that’s 90% just them following the manga.

Anyway, in spite of my gripes [which are more about the fandom and the series as a whole], this episode was still super good in and of itself, and had some of the most effective voice acting and music that the entire reboot’s had thus far. It’s very obvious why new fans in particular would really really like this one, and for the most part, I do too.

Also, Haru t-posing when he sees Yuki and running over to tug on his shirt is still the most Iconic [tm] thing ever, don’t @ me.

[lashton-attraction]

Why won’t you love me

Luke would’ve liked to say that he didn’t know when he realised Ashton didn’t love anymore. That it just happened along the way, because it sounded better. It sounded better to not know when he realised when his boyfriend had stopped loving him, instead of knowing the exact time he realised his feelings weren’t returned in the same way.

Now, Ashton never cheated. He wasn’t like that. Ashton was a proper man, and would probably hurt himself before he hurt Luke, and that’s probably why he stuck around much longer than he wanted to. Because he knew Luke could take the heartbreak, though it was an agony for Ashton to stay in a broken relationship. Luke wanted to hold on to Ashton, and Ashton held on to Luke – even though he wanted to let go.

Luke realised Ashton had stopped loving him on the 4th of March 02:43 AM. He had seen no warning signs; no things had led up to the point where Luke knew that Ashton didn’t love him anymore. It was stupid really, they’d talked on the phone. Ashton probably dying to get to sleep, but too nice to hang on. When Luke finally said goodbye, he had finished their call like they always did. By claiming how much he loved Ashton, and Ashton for the first time ever had not said it back. He had wished Luke a good night and hung up.

It could be an honest mistake, Michael had thought so. It was late, Ashton was probably tired. But it wasn’t. Luke knew it wasn’t. Ashton had proclaimed his love for Luke in all kinds of states, drunk, high, drowsy, hungry, angry, through tears and through laughter. Ashton had told him he’d love him at all kinds of times. Even times it wasn’t suited to tell Luke how much Ashton loved him.

If Ashton wanted you to feel his love, he’d let you know. Luke knew this.

That night Ashton didn’t want Luke to know he loved him. Because he didn’t. Not anymore.

As a proof less than a week later they were through. Completely and utterly thorough. So, through that the very day Ashton had stopped at Luke’s apartment to pick up his belongings the ones he left behind after each stay and dropping of Luke’s. A day later, Luke couldn’t find Ashton on any social media, probably blocked. And that weekend when Luke was shitfaced enough to dare call Ashton he realised Ashton had a new number.

If it wasn’t for the memories it would’ve been like they never had been. Ashton had gone every mile just to delete Luke from his life, and Luke just didn’t know why. Luke would’ve liked to ask Ashton why they broke up. Because all he’d gotten when he asked was some shitty excuse that sometimes people fall out of love. Luke had accepted it then, but only because if they continued talking he’d break out crying.

Luke wanted to ask. Luke really wanted to ask Ashton why he wouldn’t love him, but he didn’t have it in him. Luke was afraid of the answer he’d get.

But why wouldn’t Ashton love him? Was it the way Luke looked? Ashton had often joked that he liked him better with the lip ring, but Luke had taken it out because he grew out of his wannabe punk phase. (Besides it was better kissing Ashton with it gone.)

Was it the beard? Cause Luke could shave it. Was his style too lame? Luke knew he wasn’t the most well-dressed. Both Calum and Ashton dressed better than him. And Ashton often helped him to find a decent outfit, Luke just wasn’t good at those sorts of things, but he could learn! He was willing to learn for Ashton.

If that made Ashton come back, Luke would wear all kinds of clothes. Or none for that matter.

Was the sex not great? Luke doubted it. Ashton had never complained, and his previous partners had never said anything either. Luke was normally the one fucking Ashton and not the other way around, but if Ashton wanted to switch it up Luke was willing to try it out. Ashton just had to say the word. Ashton basically had Luke wrapped around his finger, and Luke just couldn’t understand why he was unlovable.

What had he done wrong? What had he done that made Ashton not love him? Why wouldn’t Ashton love him? Luke didn’t know. And why couldn’t he stop loving Ashton? Luke didn’t know the answer to that either. His phone background was still of Ashton for Christ’s sake! A twisted way of showing how devoted Luke still was. If Luke could’ve seen Ashton’s lock screen he’d bet it wasn’t the stupid background of him posing next to a Hello Kitty statue.

Because Luke still loved Ashton, and his lock screen still was Ashton. But Ashton didn’t love Luke, so his background wasn’t Luke.

Luke wondered what had made Ashton stop loving him, he should probably stop thinking about it. At least that’s what Michael said, but he just couldn’t It was a mystery to him, a riddle, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it before he had the answer. Like those stupid, hard riddles people told you that you never got the answer to. So, they just kept haunting you forever.

Had Luke taken Ashton out too much? Too little? Had he bought Ashton too little flowers? Luke could’ve bought Ashton flowers. He had on some occasions too, but maybe it was too little. Luke could’ve bought him more if only Ashton gave him the chance.

Most days Luke spent on his sofa, well evenings. The daytime he buried himself in his studies. It seemed better to think about the world’s history than to remember how his own history was starting to fade into nothingness. The evening was lonely, especially now that he had no one to keep him company. Though some couples did, Luke and Ashton had never been together all the time. They’d taken their times apart.

To breathe, to be with family, some personal space here and there. And those days Luke spent them on his sofa, just like he’d been doing the last months. Yet those days never seemed as lonely as they did now. Mostly because Luke knew he had Ashton. Now, he had no one. He had no one to love him. Ashton certainly didn’t.

Why didn’t Ashton love him? Luke really wondered.

Luke could clearly remember that Ashton had once told him that Luke would never be lonely. Even though they were apart he’d never be lonely. It was so hard to be lonely, so Ashton didn’t want Luke to feel that feeling. Ironic how Ashton had told him he wouldn’t be lonely, yet it was he who left him alone.

Why would Ashton do that? He wouldn’t have done that if he loved Luke, but he didn’t. Not anymore. He didn’t love Luke. Luke knew he was unloved, but he still wondered why. And how.

First time in months Luke saw Ashton was at a dinner party at Ashton’s. Luke didn’t know how Ashton had come to think it’d be a good idea to invite his ex, along with his two best friends. But it ended up like that anyway. Michael, Calum and he was having dinner at Ashton’s. It was asking for trouble, according to Michael. And Luke silently agreed. (He knew he’d do something stupid because he was so desperate for Ashton’s attention.)

When Ashton had opened his door he’d been met with a surprising sight. Luke had the lip ring again, and he didn’t wear any worn-out skinny jeans with a band tee along with it. He’d actually made an effort and looked good. (He always looked stylish nowadays.) His hair slightly reached below his ears, but not any longer than that. The exact length Ashton liked best on him. Face newly shaved, and in his hand, he had a flower bouquet, handing it to Ashton with a friendly smile. Which Ashton accepted gratefully.

He looked good.

He really did, but it was just a facade. On the outside, he might look like he was over the break-up, and that was what Ashton thought as well. But those who knew Luke knew that he wasn’t.

Luke didn’t look broken, but he was.

“Welcome,” Ashton said, letting Luke into his apartment, and Luke walked in taking off his shoes, and hanging up his jacket. He knew Ashton hated a mess. The apartment looked exactly the same, which surprised Luke. He’d expected it to change seeing as Ashton had changed. But no, it was the same. Ashton had changed though. Not only because he didn’t love Luke anymore, but his hair was red. It looked good, but it was different. A way of showing that things between them were different. Calum and Michael were there already, and Luke joined them, while Ashton retreated to the kitchen to do the last preparations for the dinner.

“Hey man, what’s up,” Michael said when Luke sat down at Ashton’s couch. He’d been there when Ashton had bought it and helped him carry it up three floors. It all seemed so long ago now. It was less than a year ago though.

“Not much,” Luke answered. Because nothing was up. Without Ashton, he’d fallen into a steady rhythm where he slept, ate, worked and studied. Boring, but life without Ashton was boring.

“You never return my calls anymore,” Michael continued. But Luke only scoffed, Michael was being melodramatic as usual.

“I do? We spoke like two days ago,” Luke argued.

“You have like three missed calls from me,” Michael said, showing the blond male he’d called at 2 AM.

“I never heard,” Luke said, and he wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not. “And when I saw it I was late to work.” That was truth, Luke had seen it the next morning, but he was late to work so he hadn’t called Michael up. He could’ve called in his break, but he chose not to.

They ate shortly after, and the food was delicious. Not that Luke had expected anything less, Ashton was an excellent cook. Had been so when they were together, and he doubted that would change. The conversation between the four of the flowed nicely, not leaving anyone on the outside. Yet it wasn’t the same. They shared their laughs, and shared new stories – yet Luke noticed that it wasn’t like it used to be. The conversations Ashton and he used to have was different. Though the conversation was in no way forced, it seemed so in compression with what they used to have.

When Luke excused himself to the toilet Michael spoke up.

“Did you know Luke always keeps his face freshly shaved because you disliked his beard? Or that he keeps his hair that way because you said it suited him. Did you notice he got his lip ring back? Yeah, he did that for you. And he keeps dressing like he’s going to a party, only because you used to tell him how he owned no personal style. Maybe you noticed the-..” Michael didn’t get the chance to continue.

“Stop,” Ashton said, his voice was bitter. Almost like it hurt him to hear that Luke still did all this for him. He did all this just to be loved, because he couldn’t understand why Ashton didn’t love him anymore.

“Luke won’t admit this, but his lock screen is still the picture of you, because it reminds him of seeing your face. He told me when he was drunk,” Calum filled in.

“I said stop,” Ashton repeated. And the both could clearly see, it did hurt Ashton to hear all this. It shouldn’t if he didn’t give damn about Luke, but he did. He still loved Luke. In some twisted, sick way he still loved Luke. Even though he was the one who left. He was the one who caused all this pain, yet it pained to hear it.

To Michae,l it was just. Luke had gone through hell the last months, even though he looked fine. Ashton was Michael’s best friend along with Calum and Luke, and Michael wished him no harm. But it was just for Ashton to feel some of Luke’s pain, since he was the one who caused it. Calum didn’t think so, however, he did think that Ashton needed to hear how Luke really was doing and not judge on how Luke was acting.

Because Luke wanted to pretend everything was fine. Keep up a flashy image, because maybe if Ashton saw how lovable Luke was, he’d take him back. That was what Luke was rooting for anyway.

“He still loves you,” Michael said, but it was quiet, almost like a murmur.

“I said stop,” Ashton’s hand hit the surface making the items on the table shake a little from the contact. Michael understood why Ashton didn’t want to hear this, because if he heard it. It wasn’t as easy to pretend he was over Luke. In many ways, Ashton was over Luke, or maybe that’s what he liked to tell himself, but there was still some part of holding on to Luke. And Luke was clinging onto Ashton.

Luke returned shortly after, and the three of them pretend like nothing had happened, but Luke could still feel the change in the atmosphere. A living and breathing proof that something had happened. They’d be stupid if they thought Luke couldn’t notice the change in Ashton’s behaviour. They had been dating for years, Luke would see those little things no one else would see, because they had spent so much time together.

Ashton’s eyes lingered on him seconds longer. He spoke softer, and a pace quicker than before. His hazel eyes refused to meet Luke’s blue ones for more than a second. And then there was Ashton’s nervous twitching. But Luke said nothing. He knew that Ashton wanted to pretend like nothing had happened.

If they’d been dating Luke would’ve reached for Ashton’s hand and given it a small squeeze along with a comforting smile. But they weren’t dating. Not anymore. So, Luke held his ground. He finished eating and participated in the conversation not facing Ashton once.

The now red-haired man was praying, and maybe even hoping, for Luke to turn his direction and smile at him. Or not smile but just look at him, once, but Luke didn’t. Ashton wanted to feel how it felt when Luke devoted his full attention to you. It had always made Ashton feel important, and he wanted to feel that now. But Luke’s attention was elsewhere, and it made Ashton’s slightly jealous. That Calum was the one receiving Luke’s attention and not himself. It was silly of Ashton to feel jealous on Calum, Luke had no interest in Calum, and he and Luke were through. Yet there Ashton was feeling almost angry that Luke wouldn’t even look at him once.

After a couple of glasses of wine, Calum and Michael took their leave. It was getting late, and both of that had a work tomorrow. It’d be stupid to press the limit, only to work with a hangover tomorrow. Luke to was about to leave, but he decided against it. People could communicate in other ways than words, and Luke had over the years together with Ashton learned to interpret some of Ashton’s ways of speaking.

The look Luke received when he was going for his leather jacket only said one thing. It was begging, even screaming, him to stay. Luke stayed. It was strange really, over the couple of months Luke would’ve killed for a look like this from Ashton. He had been so desperate for some attention from Ashton. Yet, right now, he didn’t want it.

Over a couple of months Luke had stood still not able to move on, and now after a couple of hours, it felt like he had lost interest in Ashton. He didn’t want him anymore. It must’ve been the wine. Luke was probably drunker than he realised. He was in love with Ashton, so why did it feel like he was falling out of love?

Was fate really that cruel? Luke had gone months longing for Ashton, but when Ashton finally showed some interest, Luke didn’t want him.

Ashton poured himself a new glass and asked Luke if he wanted one as well, Luke accepted one as well. A little unsure of what he was supposed to do or say. Luckily, Ashton was very easy to talk to and the conversation between them started to flow naturally.

“Luke, how have you been?” Ashton asked, and Luke smiled.

“Good, I’ve been good,” Luke answered, and he didn’t know if it was lie or not. He had fallen of the rails when Ashton had left him, but he was doing good. He was paying his bills, he was focusing more on his studies and he talked once in awhile with his family. Maybe not as much as they’d like to, but he wasn’t locking himself in.

Ashton gave him a disbelieving look, and Luke wondered what Michael and Calum might have told him. “I mean, it’s been some rough couple of months, but I’m managing. I’m doing good, honestly.” Ashton could take answer or leave it, he wasn’t getting anything else. It was closer to the truth, but only a very rough sketch of how Luke had been. He’d been lonely, insecure and he still wondered why Ashton didn’t love him. Was Luke unlovable? He really did wonder if he was.

“And you?” Luke asked, suddenly not feeling like the grown man he was. He felt small, breakable. He didn’t want to hear how well Ashton was doing, when he hadn’t been doing any good himself. Luke didn’t want to hear that Ashton was over him. Though he probably was over Ashton himself.

“Its been,” Ashton sighed before he continued. “I’ve had my up’s and down’s. I mean, I miss you like crazy, but it’s stupid because I’m the one who left.” A week ago, Luke would’ve smiled like a fool, and probably done something reckless like pulling Ashton into a kiss. Now he felt nothing. He didn’t feel his heart leap when Ashton admitted he missed him too, he didn’t feel the happiness he thought he felt. He felt blank, like he was already fading into nothingness.

Was Luke over Ashton or was he so buried in sorrow he didn’t feel anything but numb?

“I’ve missed you too,” Luke replied, because he knew it was the truth. Yet right now he didn’t feel the longing that he had grown used to the past months. The past months Luke had grown used to feel a constant longing after Ashton. Now the feeling was gone, and Luke wondered where it had gone. And what it had been replaced with, because right now he felt nothing.

Ashton did though. He felt a lot and acted on a stupid impulse. He dragged Luke into a kiss. A kiss Luke would’ve wanted every other day than today. Last month, last week and yesterday Luke would’ve wanted a kiss from Ashton. But right now, he didn’t want it.

He didn’t feel anything as Ashton kissed him. He felt the impact of Ashton’s lips and having him close. But he didn’t feel the sparks or the firework he used to feel when Ashton used to kiss him. Like before. Maybe Luke had fallen out of love. Luke wanted to kiss Ashton back, he really did. But he couldn’t.

So, he pulled away.

“If you had kissed me the day before this, I’d kiss you back with no hesitation. But now I can’t,” Luke started, and didn’t now how to continue. It was strange how one minute he felt his heart swell of the thought of Ashton, and the next that it didn’t even skip a beat.

Ashton said nothing, but his hazel eyes grew sad. A feeling Luke had started to grow used to. “I’m always too late, aren’t I?” Ashton tried to laugh it off, but the sentence was so sad that even Luke, emotionless Luke, could feel a thug at his heart. Poor Ashton.

Luke pitied him, but the pity didn’t turn into love.

“You know,” Luke started, “all this time I wondered why you left, I just couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t love me. But I think I realised, it’s not you who won’t love me. It’s I. I don’t love myself, and I’m incapable of loving someone else before I love myself. You still have a dear place in my heart, and I want to come back for you when I’ve figured myself out. But before that, I don’t want to ruin this.” Luke pointed a finger at himself and Ashton. “A second time. Would you wait for me if I asked you to?"

Ashton kissed Luke’s cheek before he whispered into Luke’s ear. “I’ll always wait for you.”

With that, the two parted. Not as friends. Not as lovers. Just as a promise. A promise of finding back to each other when they were ready. Only fate knew if they eventually would, but that was part of the deal. They’d try. For themselves, and for each other.

Why wouldn’t Ashton love Luke, was the wrong question. It was more like, why couldn’t Ashton stop loving Luke? Why wouldn’t Luke love Ashton? Because he couldn’t. Not at the moment. Luke, however, hoped that the next time he saw Ashton, he could.

[eggoreviews]

12 ‘Unpopular’ Viddy Game Opinions

I’ve seen this topic floating around a lot, but didn’t think I had enough ‘unpopular but maybe not’ opinions about games to make a post. Turns out I do! So if you see this and I say something blasphemous, remember it’s just my opinion and my personal experiences with the games I list. Hope you enjoy or hey, maybe even agree with some of this!

Note: Can’t stress enough. This is just me. Also, spoilers under the cut!

12. The opening of Kingdom Hearts II isn’t as terrible as everyone says

Okay, so it’s not brilliant, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s the worst. For those not in the know, KH2′s opening is a basically a massive slog where you play as a character you don’t know or care about with seemingly no real link to the events of the previous game. The general consensus is that there’s some interesting stuff in here, but it’s buried among endless dialogue that really doesn’t mean much. And they’re right, but I really think there’s some great stuff here that people tend to gloss over. The music and the motif of Twilight Town is atmospheric, there’s some genuinely intriguing plot elements that are woven into Roxas’ story and believe it or not, the stuff that happens here is intrinsic to the rest of the game. So yeah, it drags on a little, but I don’t think KH2 would be miles better without this opening.

11. I loved Breath of the Wild’s final boss

One of the problems I see talked about with Breath of the Wild is that the boss fights are fairly mediocre, especially the very last one, Dark Beast Ganon. And I couldn’t disagree more. I think every boss in the game is wonderfully crafted, intense, challenging and great for testing you on what you’ve learned throughout the game by encouraging you to make creative use of your slate powers and the flurry rush technique. And while Mr. Pig Man at the end here is sort of easy and short, it serves as a brilliantly epic finale to damn near perfect game. While the difficulty is mostly gone after the mammoth fight with Calamity Ganon, it’s still just as intense as you frantically fire off arrows into the massive beast in front of you. Plus, the design of this thing is one of the best looking monsters in the game, so I really don’t understand the dislike for this ending.

10. I really like Crash of the Titans

Okay, so maybe childhood nostalgia has something to do with this pick, but every Crash fan I’m aware of seems to hate this game. But I don’t really know where the hate comes from! I played the PS2 version of this and I thought it was a genuinely fun 3D platformer with a variety of locations, good visuals, well-designed boss battles and even a vague story you can sort of follow! The game’s main gameplay feature is also brilliantly integrated, as using Aku Aku to possess various monsters throughout the game keeps everything interesting. One thing I will say though, that tiger dude you have to fight about halfway through is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to endure in a game.

9. Life Is Strange: Before the Storm is BAD

I loved Life Is Strange when it first dropped, so I was beyond excited when they announced a prequel from Chloe’s perspective. But I really think they dropped the ball and they dropped it hard. But everyone else seems to adore this game! For me, this wasn’t a touch on the original. For a start, they dropped out one of the main mechanics of the first game, the time travel, which they then replaced with a much less interesting ‘Backtalk’ feature, which was then only used about twice throughout the game. Instead of interesting, developed characters reacting to genuinely dangerous or heartfelt situations, it felt to me like a bunch of one-dimensional teenagers who are edgy for the sake of being edgy. Chloe spends the majority of the game being a dick to her mother and bunking off class to spend time with Rachel, who she has literally known for like a day and their sudden relationship drops out of nowhere. Not that I didn’t enjoy the emotional moments of their relationship, it just didn’t feel like it stemmed from anywhere, unlike Max and Chloe from the first game. And the game’s attempts at villains were also rubbish compared to the first, with Damien (random scary knife guy who doesn’t really tie into the plot that much) and Eliot (who doesn’t appear for the whole game and suddenly goes full incel on Chloe when she breaks into Rachel’s house). Yeah I think you can tell I had some problems with this one.

8. Dishonored: Death of the Outsider was also a hot mess

I LOVE the Dishonored series. The first game and its DLCs are amazing, the second game was arguably even better. And then this happened. In this one, you play as Billie Lurk, a character I love, and Daud comes back, a character I also love. But both of them are incredibly badly written and it doesn’t feel like there’s any development to them or even much reason for them to do what they’re doing. This entry took the mystery surrounding the Outsider and basically did a big poo on it, giving us the revelation that he was apparently HUMAN this whole time. I think that was the nail in the coffin that made me sort of think this was a bit rubbish. While the combat and side missions were as brilliant as ever, the level designs felt less creative than other entries in the series and lacked variety or colour, all the side characters were entirely forgettable and to wrap it all up, they killed Daud offscreen. Out of nowhere, they just killed him, mentioned it offhand in a cutscene and that was that. If you like this game, fair enough, but it kind of baffles me that more people don’t see this in the game.

7. Mario Galaxy 2 is good. It’s just sort of good

Some people cite this as being one of the best 3D platformers of all time, and that’s fair enough, but I just kind of see this one as ‘good’. Sure, it has a good, satisfying control scheme for the most part, the level design is creative and the bosses and puzzles are pretty standard for a Mario title, but still enjoyable. However, sometimes, the floaty physics and weird knockback effect from jumping into walls led to quite a lot of unfair deaths, especially if I’d been punished for messing up already by losing a life, only to then immediately be punished again by falling into the void. Plus, I found Yoshi near impossible to control at some points with the motion controls. So yeah, this one is genuinely enjoyable, but I don’t think I’d personally put it with the best of all time.

6. I LOVE Dragon Quest IX TO DEATH

This is a game in a legendary franchise that consistently almost always see ranked at the very bottom of the pile in the series. But I really don’t understand how or why. Okay so your protagonist and party are basically silent and don’t have a lot of character, but I don’t see this as a reason to totally write off the game! The side characters, villains and story are all amazing and well-developed, the world is huge, colourful and interesting, the monsters are brilliantly creative and Dragon Quest’s signature lame sense of humour is gratefully carried through the whole game. The music is always brilliant and atmospheric and the bosses are just as memorable as each character you meet. What was everyone’s problem?? This is genuinely one of the best RPGs I’ve ever played and if you haven’t had a chance to pick it up, it is so, so worth it.

5. Sonic Adventure is a broken mess

So before I kick this one off, I’m not someone who hates Sonic and I’m not here to slate the whole franchise, but considering this game is often considered to be one of the best in the series, I thought it was definitely worth addressing. When I first played this, I literally couldn’t believe this was made in 1998, AFTER Mario 64 and yet it’s so broken! The physics and control scheme are totally wonky and hard to control, the unending amount of glitches make a fair amount of the stages almost unplayable, the voice acting and facial animation is cringey and oddly broken and yet, this was all on the Dreamcast. The most powerful console of the time. And I don’t think I even need to mention how boring some of the later stages get, with Big the Cat’s fishing section being the main offender. I can’t vouch for Adventure 2 as I haven’t had a chance to play yet, but I really hope it isn’t like this.

4. Dragon Age Origins is the best Dragon Age

Dragon Age has always been a popular RPG series, but I think it properly shot to fame once Inquisition dropped in 2014. And don’t get me wrong, I liked Inquisition! The world was colourful and expansive and the characters were fairly memorable, but I still think the best experience you can get is in the series’ first entry, Origins. While it’s pretty easy to see that it’s slightly dated considering it’s ten years old now, the best characters and story in the series I think is here. Each companion you recruit is varied and developed and the story wraps up brilliantly in the end with each companion and army you meet playing a different role in the final battle. Plus, I kind of can’t forgive Inquisition for making Leliana lose her sense of humour and making her kinda boring.

3. Oblivion is better than Skyrim

Okay so I’m not sure exactly how unpopular this is, but I just thought Oblivion was miles better than Skyrim ended up being. Just to clear it up, I still love Skyrim and I thought it built on the series’ combat system and variety of enemies really well and still provided an enjoyable experience. But Oblivion feels like more of an adventure you feel at home in. The story is dense and full of twists and turns. The soundtrack has some of the most atmospheric music I’ve ever heard, the world is full of bright colours, each city is vastly different and has its own lore and I found some of this to be absent from Skyrim. I’d go into more detail, but I think the simple fact is that Oblivion had so much more I liked than Skyrim.

2. I don’t think The Witcher III is all that amazing (in some regards)

This by no means says that I don’t like the game, because I do, but I think it has more flaws than people let on. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the stuff people praise about this game is true, the quests are in-depth and masterfully crafted, the characters, especially Geralt, are extremely memorable. In fact, Geralt is one of my favourite game protagonists. But most of the problems I had were in terms of the gameplay. The combat, while fast-paced and satisfying, can sometimes feel a little finicky, so a lot of precision is needed. However, I felt that the world itself didn’t particularly interest me and the music is often ambient but outside of combat, isn’t anything special. Mostly though, the leveling system I found to be a bit wonky. I did absolutely everything I could in the first area of the game; all the side quests, treasure hunts, killed a whole bunch of monsters etc. And then I arrive in the second area and find I’m too underleveled to do literally anything. The majority of the quests have too high a level cap, a lot of the monsters kill me very quickly. And because the bulk of EXP farming is in the quests, I’m sort of stuck in an endless loop of constantly not being strong enough to do anything. On top of that, all my equipment keeps breaking and I’m finding that repair kits are extremely few and far between and that makes me even WEAKER. It’s something I’m gonna need to persevere with I think, but hey, this is just my experience with it.

1. Ocarina of Time, as amazing as it is, may have overstayed its welcome as best game of all time

I reckon this might be the most controversial, so it’s number 1. Let me preface this by saying I really like Ocarina and I agree that it was innovative for the RPG genre at the time. There’s a hell of a lot in this game that we have to thank for the games we have today. But considering how far the gaming industry has come since then and the sheer amount of high quality games we’ve been getting year after year, is still fair to call this the best game ever? When more recent games have taken what Ocarina started and built upon it? Games like Breath of the Wild, Horizon Zero Dawn, Red Dead Redemption II, God of War all gave us expansive, beautiful worlds and a story you can really get stuck into. And all the time, more and more games of this caliber are coming out. So yes, of course Ocarina of Time deserves a place in the hall of fame, it was revolutionary and still holds up really well today! I just can’t help but think there have been plenty of games since then, as flawed as some of them may be, that have improved upon the formula tenfold since Ocarina’s release.

Thanks for reading if you got this far! Just to reiterate, these are all just my opinions and my experiences with the games I mentioned, so pls don’t attack me. Got any viddy game opinions you think are sort of not popular? Drop them down below if you feel like it!