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shijiujun · 4 years

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[END 2020] My Top 9 Danmei Novel Picks of the Year

As a part of my Round Up post for the year, here’s my pick of favourite danmei novels, that I’ve read! This is sort of an accompaniment to my previous danmei rec list over HERE, so there may be one or two overlaps, but I’ve read WAY MORE after that and am prepared to like give more options here

Note: There should be English translations for all via novel updates if you do a search of the English name, but I don’t think most of them are completed.

If you wanna see my full reading and queue list (it’s all in Chinese tho, for my own records), it’s here.

I’m leaving out the usual MXTX and Priest ones, because they’re already good and we all know that and there’re many carrds and posts dedicated to them.

I am also a sucker for fainting but smart men, and not too overly angsty/complicated storylines, just putting it out there first, which is why I haven’t read a lot of some of the ones on my queue list.

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1. 一剑霜寒 | A Sword of Frost by 语笑阑珊

Summary: Jing Yan Ran is the Emperor’s brother and wields military power in the novel, and it starts with an object being stolen from the palace. Jing Yan Ran has to retrieve the item secretly, and so enlists the help of Feng Yu Sect’s Sect Master, Yun Yi Feng, who heads the martial arts world’s one and only information trading post. Yun Yi Feng does not deal in business that involves any royalty, but Jing Yan Ran offers him something he cannot refuse - the Blood Red Lingzhi, a rare and mystical herb that is rumoured to be able to treat his life-threatening condition.

Yun Yi Feng was used by his shifu when he was younger to test out all kinds of poisons and cures, and since then, his body flushes dangerously hot and cold frequently, with bouts of severe coughing fits in between. Throughout the first mission where he spends time with Jing Yan Ran searching for the stolen object, he allows Jing Yan Ran to take care of him, and they fall in LURVE pretty much like 10 chapters in.

Of course, they have to uncover a plot and conspiracy against their enemies who are plotting to dethrone the Emperor, and also reveal the secrets of Yun Yi Feng’s birth.

My Thoughts: AN ABSOLUTE FAVE AND GEM, I’d say this is my favourite danmei novel ever. This is both hilarious and tears-inducing, to be honest, because for most of the novel YYF knows he doesn’t have long to live and so in the beginning he knows of his own feelings for JYR and JYR also shows him that he loves him, but he is unable to officially reciprocate because he knows his body is like weakening day by day. Halfway through the fear that he’s literally about to die as they are JUST about to find the cure is real, and damn I cried so much at that. Some highlights:

YYF falls asleep very easily in baths and everywhere actually, and pretty much within the first 10 chapters he gets used to JYR carrying him around (even naked from the bath, he’s like oh well, okay cool) and taking care of him, and JYR ALWAYS makes sure he is warm and toasty under his cape

YYF LOVESSSS RICHES, PLAYING THE ZITHER AND COOKING - He’s good at gathering the first one, but he FUCKING SUCKS AS THE LAST TWO - It’s so funny because he’s so beautiful and handsome right, and when he sits down at the zither everyone is like OH DAMN WHAT A DREAM- and then he plays, and everyone’s fantasies is shattered, he’s ABYSMAL at it, and the same goes for cooking

JYR doesn’t actually have the Blood Red Lingzhi, and throughout the first arc, he feels SO DAMN GUILTY because YYF even carved out a pendant that looks like what he thinks the herb looks like, and like carries it with him everywhere LMAO

Available: Novel Online and Manhua on Bilibili

2. 高能二维码 | High Energy QR Code by 青色羽翼

Summary: CEO Xing Ye’s brother Xing Shuo has just passed away at the age of 24, and nothing will make him believe that Xing Shuo died of natural causes despite autopsies and experts telling him that he really died simply of a heart failure. Xing Ye, who has impeccable memory, suddenly recalls the last time he saw Xing Shuo. His brother called out to him just before Xing Ye left for a business trip, and looked as if he had something to say, but ended up just wishing him a safe trip.

At that moment, there was a QR code on Xing Shuo’s phone, and the phone screen was strangely turned out towards Xing Ye, and Xing Ye, with his incredibly high IQ and memory, realizes that Xing Shuo wanted him to see the QR code. Quickly, he reproduces the QR code by pen and then scans it, and finds himself in a game world.

There he meets a narcissistic but also cute mirror which can speak, and finds out later that his name is Lu Ming Ze. Xing Ye’s mission is to clear the game missions in each round that is set by the black and white cubic game system, a system that continuously tempts its players into giving in to committing sins such as killing someone else, stealing and other things. He soon realizes that if he cannot stay on a path clear of these sins, he will never be able to triumph over the game system and return Lu Ming Ze back to his body in the real world.

At the same time, he gains new teammates and friends for life, and also finds out what role his brother played in this game.

My Thoughts: MY GOD I LOVE THIS. I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED READING THIS YESTERDAY, and honestly it’s one of my faves. I don’t like game systems very often (I’ve read three others so far, and this, and KOD are the only ones I’ve liked) but this one is *chef’s kiss*. So LMZ was born like with a really handsome face, like SUPER HANDSOME, and that’s why he’s like a harmless narcissist that cannot bear to look at ugly things LMAO, but he’s not spoilt, he makes sure that Xing Ye stays true to himself, and help him keep his head clear.

THE ONLY THING ABOUT THIS FRICKIN NOVEL IS THAT LU MING ZE STAYS A MIRROR, LIKE DIFFERENT KINDS OF MIRRORS, in the first TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY CHAPTERS. I KID YOU NOT. I FRICKIN KID YOU NOT. I swear I was sooo touched starved at the end of the novel, because they couldn’t even kiss?!! Like Xing Ye kisses the mirror, and then uses his thumbs to like hi-five mini LMZ in the mirror back, they can’t even hug. Do you know how empty my arms felt when I read this book?!! And my arms have never been filled!!!!!!

I really like this one because each game world is set up in such a brilliant way, but it’s not so unnecessarily complex that you literally don’t know what the fuck is going on. Xing Ye’s intelligence as he outmanoeuvres every single one of his enemies and convinces his would-be loyal teammates to trust him is so satisfying, world after world, victory after victory.

Humour is also absolutely ON POINT. A lot of it is centred on Xing Ye getting caught in the real world kissing his handheld mirror (LMZ) by LMZ’s parents (who cannot see him in the mirror) and LMZ’s parents going like ???!!!!!!!!

Available: Novel Online | Physical Novel is coming out on 10 Dec (freebies are, you guessed it, a mirror)

3. 妻为上 | The Wife is First by 绿野千鹤

Summary: This is set in a historical setting where men can marry other men, but it’s usually reserved for sons who were not borne by the official main first wife of the patriarch of the family, i.e. a son born by a concubine in a family may be forced to marry a man to keep him from being able to become the next family’s patriarch for example. This is because any family’s next leader needs to be able to have children with a wife who married in as a zheng shi (lawful wife), and not a ce shi (second wife) or any other concubines/mistresses etc. Most of these men who marry other men have to take them as their zheng shi and lawful spouse in a sense, and the same goes for the royal family.

The story starts with third prince Jing Shao, who was forced to marry Mu Han Zhang, a Marquis’ second son, by the Empress and Emperor, thereby officially and effectively cutting him out of the race for the throne. He’s mocked by the public as everyone knows what this means, and for the next 10 years, he neglects Mu Han Zhang, blaming him for his predicament, and deliberately showers his three other concubines with affection in front of him, but 10 years later, when Jing Shao is accused of treason, everyone leaves him except for Mu Han Zhang. They are chased to the edge of the cliff by soldiers, and Mu Han Zhang dies in his arms having taken an arrow meant for him earlier, and Jing Shao jumps off the cliff with his dead body, and promises that if there’s a next life, he will do everything Han Zhang says, and love him.

He wakes up immediately on the night of his marriage with Han Zhang, and realizes that he’s been given a second chance to make everything right. Han Zhang is definitely afraid of him, humiliated and angry when he first wakes up after how rough Jing Shao was with him earlier on their wedding night, and he has no memories of their past life. Jing Shao then sets to SHOWER HAN ZHANG with affection, love and basically everything, because he realized that this is the only person who stayed by his side until the end, and then he falls in love with Han Zhang properly this time, and also deals with every single person who maligned and schemed against him in his previous life, with Han Zhang by his side.

My Thoughts: OKAY BEFORE YALL GO INTO THE ‘WIFE’ terminology discourse and everything, in this case they do use the term ‘wife’ literally, and it’s a position, that while men frequently fall into (there are a lot of male ‘wives’ in this story), is also used to cut off like sons from inheriting the family and the fortune, and even titles. Male ‘wives’ aren’t looked down upon in this setting, in fact, Han Zhang gets a lot of leeway as one, and in his case he was also able to rise up the ranks to be an actual official later on, but the sad thing comes from sons who are most of the time forced to marry a male ‘wife’ for whatever reason, and then they are neglected as the son goes and find concubines, women he actually wants to sleep with - this is sad af yall. I don’t know, on one hand, yay for equality in marriage in this setting, but on the other hand like, damn, must you use same-sex marriage like that argh.

ANYWAY THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVES TOO?!!! I mean, especially when Jing Shao literally just goes into doting mode 200% and Han Zhang is totally like wtf why is he so nice to me is he scheming or something? And then he realizes that Jing Shao is really, really gentle towards him despite his reputation as a cruel, dark military commander, and Jing Shao always smiles at him. In any situation, especially in the beginning, when Han Zhang thought Jing Shao would not stand with him, Jing Shao literally just protects him no matter what, gives him everything, and cries, I love it.

Especially because Han Zhang is the son of a concubine and he was bullied a lot in the Mu family, and the official Lady Mu married him off to Jing Shao in hopes that he would be unhappy for the rest of his life, and I suppose that came true in the first life, but in the second, Han Zhang gets all the love, respect and support he never got before in this family with Jing Shao and that makes me WEEP.

Available: Novel Online and Manhua on Kuaikan

4. 死亡万花筒 Kaleidoscope of Death by 西子绪

OOOH I intro-ed KOD here in my previous rec list. Still one of my faves and all-time re-reads, especially under the covers in the dark hehehe.

5. 你的距离 | Your Distance by 公子优

Summary: Ting Shuang is a student at a German university, and has this handsome professor Bai Chang Yi who he swears kind of hates him. He’s just broken up with his longtime boyfriend, and then goes on this dating app that matches a profile with him based on distance. The app can also show the matched profile’s distance from him once they enter the same area, and Ting Shuang starts chatting with this Chinese guy on the app, who he finds out later, is 36 years old, 187cm in height and wears glasses.

The guy is a little aloof and cool, very mature in his replies on the app, and somehow Bai Chang Yi finds out who he is later, as Ting Shuang starts complaining to him about his professor to Bai Chang Yi. Instead of getting angry and offended, BCY is pretty much amused and finds Ting Shuang cute. A few days later Ting Shuang finally realizes who it is he’s been texting, and after getting past the initial embarrassment and fear, they start dating for real, and they really fall in love!!!!!

My Thoughts: This is sweet and also hilarious af, if you need to like satisfy your sweet tooth, this is definitely one for you. It’s really funny because Bai Chang Yi runs in the same circles as Ting Shuang’s dad, who he’s estranged from because the dad doesn’t want to recognize a son who is gay, and then BCY convinces him later in the funniest of ways, and there’s a small subplot at the end in which Ting Shuang is pretty cool, and yep, short and sweet! BCY in the manhua is handsome af too guys ;-;

Available: Novel Online, Audio Drama on Maoer FM and Manhua on Bilibili,

6. 神木挠不尽 The White Cat’s Divine Scratching Post by 绿野千鹤

Summary: Mo Tian Liao, a weapons forger and master who ruled the Demon Tribe, was hunted down and killed by other righteous sects in the region when he managed to forge an incredibly destructive weapon that could end the world. Before he died, he placed the only thing he loved, a white cat, into a hole in the tree behind him to protect it. The only thing he was grateful for was that he did not create a blood pact with the cat, Xiao Mao, because if he had done so, when he died, Xiao Mao would have died along with him as well.

Right before he dies, unbeknownst to him, Xiao Mao who is no simple demonic cat, wraps part of his consciousness around Mo Tian Liao, and MTL’s spirit ends up floating about for 300 years, until he finds a suitable time to return with a body made out of a special tree and its wood. The first thing he does, of course, is to find his white cat, but he’s poor, and the body he has isn’t powerful, so he joins Wo Yun Sect, the only sect that did not hunt him down that day hundreds of years ago.

There, he is chosen by Qing Tong shizun to be his direct disciple, much to the astonishment of other shizuns in the sect, and Qing Tong’s shixiongs. MTL has never seen a person as beautiful and gorgeous as his shizun, and if only he could find that cat (who’s actually his shizun, who recognizes him and protects him, even if MTL doesn’t actually need much protection).

My Thoughts: This was hilarious as well, and so romantic?!!! Qing Tong/Xiao Mao waited for MTL to come back, and the moment he came back, Qing Tong was there ready to grab him, and then before he went to sleep that night, Qing Tong thought to himself, “I’ve gotten my person back, I can sleep well now” and AHHHHH at this point they weren’t even like a couple yet? MTL ‘kidnapped’ Qing Tong when he was a young demon cat by accident because he likes pretty things (like his shizun lmao) and Qing Tong is attached to him because MTL never forced a blood pact on him, and gave him everything he wanted as a younger cat before MTL died. Gosh, a mirror in #2 and then a cat now with this one. XD

Available: Novel Online

7. 破云 | Breaking the Clouds by 淮上

Summary: Three years ago, Captain Jiang Ting and his team of the Narcotics division perished in an explosion due to a wrong call of his, and he returns three years later under a new identity ready to deal with the people who set him and his team up. He’s caught in what seems to be a simple murder case almost immediately and meets Yan Xie, who’s Vice Captain and in charge of this case. Yan Xie realizes who Jiang Ting is shortly after, and begins to unravel the huge mystery surrounding the events of three years ago, and falls in love with Jiang Ting along the way as well.

My Thoughts: Okay out of the FOUR crime/detective/thriller danmei novels I’ve read, the poyun and tunhai (below) series is the one that MIRRORS actual narcotics division and undercovers the best. It has the complexity and depth of the drugs/narcotics world, and both this one and its sequel focuses a lot on the position of an undercover and mole. I liked this one a lot because there are SOOOO many twists especially in the last arc, like you honestly won’t see any of them coming until it hits you? And Yan Xie is such a confident, rich-ass narcissist, and he keeps asking Jiang Ting if he can “just touch” him ONCE lmao, he’s thick-skinned af, but that’s why he and Jiang Ting are so compatible ;-;.

Available: Novel Online, Novel Print, Audio Drama and Manhua on Bilibili

8. 吞海 | Swallowing the Sea by 淮上

Summary: Sequel to Po Yun. Yu Wu is a young-looking new detective under Captain Bu Chong Hua’s narcotics team. Bu Chong Hua is Yan Xie’s cousin by actual relation, but brother in relationship because BCH’s parents died early and Yan Xie’s parents have been taking care of him mostly. He cannot stand Yu Wu, who seems to want to coast through at work and keep to a 9-5 work schedule.

It’s only after an altercation and Yu Wu dumping his nonchalant facade to snarl at BCH that he realizes that YW is actually more interesting and mysterious than he thought, and he begins to try to get close to him, understand him. It turns out that Yu Wu is a famous undercover who nearly died a year ago during an operation, and due to various reasons, he was assigned to BCH’s team by higher ups so he can peacefully live the rest of his life out there. However, his past catches up with him quickly, and his enemies turning up forces him to rely on BCH.

With BCH, Yu Wu’s resentment of having to be an undercover in the past and being so easily discarded by his team’s leaders, and of him being forced to be in the shadows while others can announce their achievements to the world, is slowly erased, because BCH sees him, knows him, and understands him more than anyone else.

My Thoughts: I actually liked this one better than the first one - Yu Wu is such a pouty, angry little thing?! And for good reason (there’s a bit of cannibalism in the book, not by choice when he was younger and in a poor village in Cambodia, where some militants forced survivors in the village to eat the meat of boiled corpses of other villagers, so YW is a vegetarian, like if he eats meat he gets really sick) and the twists here are even more amazing?! BCH really, really, devotes himself to YW the moment he realizes how much he likes him, doing a 180 degree turn. Instead of Yan Xie’s flamboyance, BCH is much steadier, grouchy, like an old uncle, but also looks at things even more clearly than Yan Xie does sometimes. Yu Wu is understandably bitter about what he had to go through, and BCH is the ONLY person who can calm him down, whom he listens to, which I LOVE. Some highlights:

Yu Wu grew up in a poor village and thus loves money, and he fights in underground betting rings to earn more money - The stash of hidden money he collects I think is half for his escape money, but if he happens to never need it, his dream is to donate the money to his village so they can open up a school there - ANYWAY because Yan Xie’s parents, and technically BCH’s ‘parents’ are soooooo rich right, Yan Xie’s mom shows her approval to her son-in-laws (Jiang Ting first, then Yu Wu), by giving them winter pants. It’s kind of like inside warmers, and usually meant for older ladies to wear LOLOL so Yu Wu was like staring at the pants when he finally got them and looked soooo reluctant until Jiang Ting told him it costs $6,000 AND HE WAS LIKE :333333 okie

He acts a lot like a kid?!! He likes eating like some snack but it’s really unhealthy for him, and BCH the mother hen keeps catching him in weird places like the toilet, where he’s hiding from BCH so he can eat his fave snack?! And the whole police station knows not to give YW what he wants in terms of snacks and smokes because once BCH finds out, he makes life very difficult for them HAHAHAHA

9. 穿成反派如何活命 | How to Survive as A Villain by 伊依以翼

Summary: Rich and handsome CEO Xiao Yu An finds out he has a terminal illness (cancer), and dies while he’s reading this online novel, where a king mistreats the crown prince from a neighbouring state which sent him over as hostage after losing a war, and ends up being killed by the crown prince years later (SVSSS much?!). He wakes up AS THE KING, and afraid of dying, he immediately goes about befriending the prince, Yan He Qing. Yan He Qing falls in love with Xiao Yu An while being his friend/hostage/bodyguard, and Xiao Yu An tries to avoid all the deaths he read in the book, while making sure Yan He Qing manages to find his three/four wives, including Xiao Yu An’s sister.

Of course, because Xiao Yu An showed him warmth and kindness, Yan He Qing ends up falling for him instead, and Xiao Yu An is an absolute oblivious idiot because he REALLY doesn’t realize until much later. Yan He Qing ends up declaring war on Xiao Yu An’s kingdom because he is duty bound to do so, but doesn’t hurt Xiao Yu An, wanting to keep him by his side, but YHQ’s scheming uncle drives a wedge between them, and XYA leaves, breaking YHQ’s heart.

They meet again a few years later, where XYA is training to be a physician in a small village and chances upon a severely injured YHQ. There, he realizes that it was all a misunderstanding, and that YHQ actually LIKES, LIKES him, but before they can enjoy this short period of happiness, disaster strikes again.

My Thoughts: THIS WAS really enjoyable, and with the manhua visuals, it is *chef’s kiss*. I think this transmigration version actually delved into the part where XYA is unable to change everything, and if he saves one person, someone else is destined to die, and that moral dilemma devastates him a lot. In this novel he actually transmigrates TWICE, once into the king’s body, and the second time into a neighbouring state’s prince/king’s body, who looks exactly like his modern self after. YHQ is real sweet to him istg, and I like that the epilogues are SUPER EXTENSIVE, including an arc where YHQ and XYA transmigrate back to the real world and everyone who died is alive and close to them, and gets their happy ending ;-;

Available: Novel Online and Manhua on Bilibili

#danmei rec list #stebeee recs #a sword of frost #your distance #swallowing the sea #breaking the clouds #kaleidoscope of death #High Energy QR Code #How to Survive as A Villain #The White Cat’s Divine Scratching Post

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rotworld · 3 years

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16: Will-o’-the-Wisp

this quiet road will be your grave if this thing gets its way.

->explicit(?). contains graphic description of car crash, mild gore, noncon.

Everything is noise; heat; bright, then dark. Weightless, then the lurch of your stomach in your throat, the spinning-falling-crash. The world cracks and crunches, closes in tightly around you, all bent metal and smashed windshield. You see double. Your head throbs. You fight the airbag, twist and untangle yourself from a too-tight seatbelt. There’s a sharp smell, overheating mechanical insides and the coppery musk of too much blood. Consciousness is slippery. You move in stop motion, opening your eyes, closing them, waking somewhere else. On bruised and bloodied hands, you crawl to where the air is cooler.

The stars are out and a half moon shines silver between thick, fast-moving clouds. It comes back to you as you lie in the grass, a slow trickle of memory; Friday night. Bags packed. Four of you in the car. No signal on these county roads. No idea where you are. Trying to find the highway. On the side of the road, crosses in the grass. Three in a row. Someone says something morbid. Over the hill, headlights in the wrong lane, coming straight for you, swerving, screaming, then—you inhale shakily. It hurts. Your ribs ache.

“Ah,” you hear. A small, sad sigh. It’s a struggle to roll over, to face the wreckage. You regret it. There’s a body half-draped on the pavement, hanging out of an open door. A friend, but she looks so different, twisted up like that. Bile burns on its way up your throat. You see the car, crunched against an enormous oak tree. You can see skidmarks across the blacktop, illuminated in red brake lights.

Where’s the other car? The thought comes to you dimly. You almost hit someone. Someone almost hit you. But they’re just gone. Drove off, after all this? You hear the sigh again, a weary, “Ahh.” Footsteps across the blacktop. Your heart skips a beat. Someone’s here. Someone saw. Someone can help. You open your mouth but all that comes out is a hoarse, strangled sound.

“Dead. Nothing left behind?” It’s a quiet murmur but they’re close, you can see something, a silhouette moving on the other side of the car. Someone bending, peering through the driver’s side window. “Ahh. This one, too. Nothing. You flee so quickly.” Footsteps, muted, moving through grass. They round the car. You try to yell. To shout for help. Nothing. You drag yourself closer to the car. I’m here, you want to scream, I’m still alive!!

And then you see it, and your blood runs cold.

It’s wrong. It’s not a person. It’s a moving shadow, darkness walking. It’s wearing something, shrouded in a ragged black cloak, but all you see is swirling void underneath. Dim lights like faint stars shine beneath a hood and drooping, leathery wings drag behind it. It slinks around the trunk of the car and spots your friend limp and lifeless on the other side. Its lights brighten as it crouches, rolls her over, turns her face one way and then the other. “Ahhh. Dead and gone. Not even one of you stayed…”

The thing suddenly stands up straight. You watch with creeping dread as it sniffs the air, turns slowly, and looks right at you. Those two points of light suddenly become blinding. “Alive?” the thing whispers excitedly. It steps closer. It crouches low, a bright glow like searchlights rushing over you. It mutters to itself, chattering with obvious anticipation. “I’m so happy. So happy. Been alone for so long. So many come this way. So few stay. Humans, you’re so fickle. The body dies and you flee. Flee from me. But not you.” It kneels beside you. It tilts its head. Those lights are its eyes and everywhere they illuminate your skin feels cold. “Ahhhh,” it sighs, “I think I’m in love.”

The lingering near-death adrenaline kicks in full force. You don’t know how but you’re on your feet and you’re running. The thing lets out a gasp that turns into a long, sad sigh, but you hear it sprinting after you, giving chase. The pain is muted behind desperation, survival instincts blaring in your head that you can’t stop, can’t look back, have to keep moving. You don’t want to leave the road but the glow from its eyes sweeps over your back like searchlights. You have no choice but to run for the trees.

“You can’t leave! Don’t leave me!” the thing howls. The sound is painful and wretched, grating on the inside of your ears. “I need you. Need to peel back your skin. Let you out, let you free. Free to stay with me.” You hear it slowing, struggling through branches and tangling, thorny bushes, and you push yourself forward through the burning ache in your legs. You’re lost. You could be knee-deep in the wilderness and not even know. You might never find your way out. You glance back over your shoulder briefly, its eyes smaller, shining like twin flashlights in the distance. You can outrun it. You can survive this. The fight-or-flight begins to wane as relief floods you, but it’s short-lived. The air around you shifts, wind whipping past you. You hear the beating of great wings.

The thing can fly.

You thought they were too ragged and worn out to work, but you see them, leathery and pointed like a bat’s wings. Its gaze shines through the trees and it finds you, comes rocketing back down to earth and slams into you so hard it knocks the breath from your lungs. You’re pinned between its body and the scratchy bark of a tree. You find your voice again, just enough to beg, “Don’t hurt me,” hoarse and breathless.

“You tried to run,” it murmurs, making a horrible hissing sound like the dry burn at the bottom of a bonfire. “Tried to leave me. I won’t let you. I won’t be lonely anymore.” It’s so close and all you can see is its face, swirling shadow and shifting dark. The lights of its eyes are too bright and you feel frozen, cold and paralyzed beneath its gaze. “Stay with me,” it begs you. You twist and you fight but there’s nowhere to go, no escape as it presses against you. It feels like a kiss, the soft press of something against your lips, but the shape is instinct and changing. It’s malleable and then it’s rigid, it’s wisps of air and then it’s slick flesh, and it prods and pulls at your lips, begging you to open.

“I love you,” it whispers. “You will love me, too.” You can hear its voice in your head. The shock of it, the thoughts that aren’t your own, make you gasp and it seizes the opportunity. Something cold and bitter floods your mouth, smoke but liquid, pouring down your throat. Your hands push against it but there’s nothing there, just void and darkness. You hear it sighing in delight. It surrounds you, trickles into you, fills you with itself. Slowly, the fight drains out of you. Slowly, your arms fall by your sides and all you can do is shiver and cry. It feels like drowning, heavy but weightless. It holds you in its darkness and drags you deeper.

It’s inside of you. It passes through your clothes, through your skin. It’s inside, deeper than anyone has ever been. You feel it eclipse you, overlapping your body with its own, filling the spaces of you with itself. There’s something like pleasure through the haze of deathly numbness, razor-sharp sensation. It moves inside of you. It finds your delicate human places and coils around them, caressing, undulating, making you moan and swallow more of its darkness. It’s fucking you in its own horrible way. You’re filled and overflowing with it.

It talks to you, purring sweet nothings as it ravages you against the tree. You choke as it twists around you, squeezing you, squirming beneath your clothes and rubbing frantically against your sex. “It was destiny. It was meant to be. You came here to be with me. You ran, but you didn’t mean it, I know you didn’t mean it. Lovely. Beautiful. Darling. I’m never letting you go.” It rocks against you, twists inside of you, fills your mouth and gushes into you. You’re going to die. You’re sure of it. You’re going to die and it feels so good.

Lights flash over you. Not the thing’s, but different. They feel hot on your skin. The thing is gone, nowhere to be seen. You’re lying on the forest floor and there are flashlights shining in your face. A paramedic shouts back behind him, waving for help. People surround you. You’re lifted onto a stretcher. The wheels jump and shake until they meet concrete. You’re staring at the stars again. You try to say something but your throat is clogged. You cough and sputter, black sludge leaking from the corner of your mouth. Is this a dream? A nightmare? You can’t tell what’s real and what isn’t.

“You’re going to be alright,” one of the paramedics says, squeezing your hand. You’re lifted into the back of an ambulance. The doors shut and you feel human touch, solid hands and fingers in gloves. This is real, you think. You’re alive. You’re getting help. The ambulance starts to move and you let exhaustion take you, your eyes fluttering shut.

But you see them, through the back window of the ambulance. Lights. Two bright lights. Rapidly gaining on you.

#rotpeach writes #teratotober #original

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spockandawe · 4 years

Note

Hi....If you don't mind me asking, who are your favorite MXTX characters (top 5 from each novel)? And why? I'm sorry if you've answered this question before.

It’s absolutely no problem at all!! I don’t think I’ve been asked this before, but hey, I also have zero object permanence, so it keeps things fresh and new. And it’s interesting to see how my answers change over time! Lemme see, I think I’m going to go in reverse order, because I feel like then I’ll be doing the worst agonizing up front.

TGCF

Fifth favorite: YIN. YU. I know that he’s a minor character and him even making it onto the list is pretty solid performance, but I do feel guilty that he isn’t higher than this. He came out of nowhere in my first reading and punched me in the stomach with emotions. I find his sections so hard to read, and I was DEVASTATED when he died and BEYOND stoked to find out he was still alive in the extras. His story hurts so much! I am weak against characters who have relatively modest goals and still see them snatched away (see also: my next entry) and have to struggle on. I wish wish wish I had a way to see more of how he made his peace with things after being thrown out of heaven, and the nature of the (distant) relationship with Hua Cheng and what happens with Quan Yizhen now that he died in his arms, and still came back anyways, my god!

Fourth favorite: He Xuannnnnn. I have a hard time articulating particulars, but. I love him a lot. I love a character with a grudge, with a deep, painful grudge, where the grudge is hurting him almost as much as it’s hurting the people around him, and setting the grudge aside would also hurt, and then what has any of this been for-- I've used this metaphor for other characters, but I don’t care if I’m overusing it, because I love it. He feels like a character caught in a thorn bush, where simply being there... hurts, but trying to escape or move in any ways is going to hurt worse, and there’s no path forward that doesn’t involve pain. And like... I don’t love the way he hurt Shi Qingxuan (who didn’t quite make this list adfasgdafsd I’M SORRY) but I wouldn’t have liked to see him swallow back down all that pain and set aside everything that happened to his family and fiancee either! I’m always, always soft for characters who have no good path forward and who grit their teeth and set out anyways.

Third favorite: MU QING!!!!!!!!!! I have done... extensive screaming about him. And I love him veryvery much. I can already tell that this list is going to have a lot of mean boys on it, and like... no regrets. Especially since this is one of my FAVORITE flavors, an unapologetic mean boy who is rarely (but sometimes!) soft for the people around him, and who regularly tries to do decently by people, but who consistently gets shat upon and misunderstood and accused of acting in bad faith. I screamed when he and Xie Lian finally got to talk their friendship out in the book. I also screamed when I realized how immediately after Xie Lian’s return he started looking out for him again, and how sincerely, despite his horrible attitude about it. I still want to write more fic for him so badly. I love him so much.

Second favorite: Xie Lian! What a good boy! The best boy! He’s so sweet and gentle, but also the best fightboy this world has ever seen, and also so gently snarky with the people he loves! I just... really love me some traumatized characters who have trouble recognizing that they can be Loved, and I’m not going to write this whole essay right now, but I think in some ways, he’s the most... passive about his romance, out of all the leads? Shen Qingqiu is aggressively oblivious, but Xie Lian kind of gently shrugs off the idea that he might be Hua Cheng’s special someone, until he finally gets hit with the cluestick. I generally shy away from the idea of a character “earning” love, but he’s maybe the mxtx character who moves me most with ‘you deserve to be loved’

Most favorite: Hua Cheng. HUA CHENG. Oh my god, gotta love this boy. Gotta love this devotion. I love a mean boy who is soft for one person, and he EMBODIES it. I mean, I love Shen Jiu, but he barely manages to do the soft thing at all, while Hua Cheng is over here like ‘if I could only be the stone beneath your feet--’ It’s hard to talk about him separately from Xie Lian, because they’re a unit in my head more than just about any other characters on this list are. I don’t want to get this list to get out of control, so I’m not going to scream for too long, but... I could just watch him go forever. I want to write him forever, and that’s a huge aspect of what draws me to some characters.

MDZS

Oh god, I think I lied, I think this book is going to be hardest. Making these choices is AGONIZING.

Fifth favorite: .....Lan Wangji. Oh god, I feel bad about how low he is. But this story is just packed SO full of wonderful characters, and I’m already consumed with guilt over all the characters who aren’t going to make it. I don’t love them less! But my love for characters in this particular story is very evenly distributed. And I think that Wang Yibo’s acting is possibly scoring points with me that the book might not have earned all by itself. Microexpressions and subtle body language add SO MUCH to a character with such flat affect, and I would be drawn to such a closed-off character anyways, but it really helps. And I love, like... the combined subtlety and intensity of his relationships. It’s not that subtle once you know what to look for, and the brother/sworn brother network makes for varying degrees of how much other characters understand of the things he chooses not to explicitly express, and it gives a really interesting character to the way he interacts with the people around him. Also, love me a man with intense separation anxiety.

Fourth favorite: Jiang Yanli? I think it has to be Jiang Yanli, but these rankings are hard. So. I just talked about how much I enjoy the flat affect and closed off nature of Lan Wangji? Well, guess what, I also love it when m’girl is just very GENUINELY AND OPENLY an absolute sweetheart of a person, and I love the contrast between her genuinely kind nature and the uncomfortable pressure that her family’s dynamics put on her to start parenting at a very young age. It’s not necessarily a happy situation, but she adores her brothers so much and they adore her so much! And it’s... a very understated element of the story, but after her parents died, her baby brothers went off to war, and one wreaked havoc as a straightforward commander and one of them disappeared for months and returned as a creepy-ass zombie puppeteer. And she STILL dotes on them like before, despite knowing what they’re capable of. Like, yes, Wei Wuxian just raised an army of corpses and forced a man to eat himself, but I shall still boop him on the nose and feed him Soup. How can I not adore energy like that?

Third favorite: Wei Wuxian, I think. I do adore him a lot. He gives me some of the same vibes that make me ache most with Xie Lian, where he is trying his best, and is struggling to hold on in the face of lots of suffering, and I find it really interesting that when the suffering peaked, Xie Lian was forced go on because he couldn’t die, while Wei Wuxian... expired. That line about ‘he thought that no matter how large the world was, there was still no place for him’ always sticks with me, and hurts me deeply. Xie Lian had most of his personal attachments stripped away, and was left to wander on his own, while Wei Wuxian still had a number of strong connections left, but abruptly exited life. And that informs their respective trauma so interestingly! The way Wei Wuxian bounces between high energy chaos and drained exhaustion is really fascinating to me, and was the thread that held me attached to the book through a very confusing beginning. And I’m still very drawn to how intensely he loves, whether it’s Xiao Zhan’s fantastic acting, or it’s him busting out with how much he wants Lan Wangji in the middle of the Guanyin Temple scene. He’s a fantastic character, honestly, I don’t think such a convoluted book would have held together very well without a protagonist this strong.

Second favorite: Xue Yang :X Look, he’s a good boy and I love him. Who among us hasn’t done a few mass murders that we are completely unrepentant about, but that we would really like to keep hidden from our current boyfriend, actually? Anyways, as always, love me an angry boy who makes terrible decisions for understandable reasons. And I do love a character who is consumed by agonized ragrets (see my next entry), but I DO also love me a character who has no regrets at all and doesn’t even have much interest in trying to justify himself to anyone else around him. Just look at that confidence! Look at him go!!

Most favorite: Jiang... Cheng....... I knew he and Xue Yang were going to be at the top, but those were the only parts of this list that were easy. I mean. Love a self-sabotaging angryboy who is also super super sad and keeps hurting himself in his own confusion. And while I love the romantic thread in all of the mxtx books, the agonized family thread in mdzs is one of my favorite parts, and something that I don’t really see echoed in any of the other stories. I need ten million jc+wwx reconciliations, at LEAST. He’s so sad! And so angry! And I want to see him becoming less of that thing, and for Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian to demonstrate very firmly how much they love him, because they do. I am invested in his happiness in a way that goes far and beyond any of the other non-main characters, haha

SVSSS

Fifth favorite: Tianlang-jun. I think? Oh god, but moshang. THIS IS REALLY HARD, I HATE THIS ;-; But especially since writing my fic, Tianlang-jun has really won me over. And like, he already hurt me good in the novel, just thinking about how he was an innocent young guy, just! Trying to have a girlfriend! And instead got trapped in sensory deprivation, body-rotting-hell for twenty years, when he didn’t do anything wrong!!! He suffered, so much! And I live for his intensely strained relationship with Luo Binghe, because it’s! Perfectly understandable and painful, from both of their perspectives! And he wants to hate humans so badly, but in the end, when he’s told that Su Xiyan never betrayed him, he starts helplessly asking the people around him, ‘really? is it really true?’ and then in the end he loses the only family member he has left who cares about him, and it’s just! Everything is terrible! I have a su xiyan au brewing in my head because I can’t stand it! Someone just give this man a loving partner!!!

Fourth favorite: Shen Qingqiu. But... moshang??? Goddammit. Anyways, this dumbass. I find him so endearing, in his dumbassery. I sometimes get a bit frustrated with Wei Wuxian for being oblivious, and Shen Qingqiu is just asking for me to react the same way, but I... don’t, for the most part? Because he thinks he has good information, and he’s slow to react to a changing playing field, and I still haven’t read another transmigration novel that strikes the same balance of hypercompetence and intense incompetence :ppp It’s a funny book, and he’s a funny character! And I really vibe with him, in most parts of the story, which covers a pretty darn wide emotional spectrum. Plus, the running internal commentary is choice.

Third favorite: Liu Qingge. Look, I’m a woman of simple needs, and sometimes I just need a high-quality fightboy who clearly cares deeply and is absolute garbage at expressing his emotions. I can’t articulate it much better than that. I absolutely howl at the succubus extra, when Shen Qingqiu is talking to Madam Meiyin about his future partner, and Liu Qingge is like ‘oh my god, sHE IS CLEARLY DESCRIBING ME’ and Shen Qingqiu is like ‘haha, liu-shidi, i thought you thought this was stuupidddddddd’. They’re both so dumb. I love them so much. But stupidity plus war god fighting energy has a narrow lead over stupidity and internal commentary track.

Second favorite: SHEN JIU. GOD. I’m still arguing with myself over whether he should go first, but Luo Binghe hurts me consistently through the whole entire story, so I think he wins. Shen Jiu just stabs me in the heart at strategic moments. This is it. My ideal mean boy who is soft for one (1) person, and who BOTH does unconscionable things for terrible reasons (someone just. give him a pile of girls to teach, it will be much more pleasant for everyone involved), and who ALSO gets blamed for things he didn’t do even when he tries to act in good faith. It is the best of all painful worlds. And even at the end, when he has a powerful person who wants desperately to protect him, he still tries his hardest to shove that person away, to keep him safe. I’ve got like four aus where he gets to live. I’m so invested in this character, I love him so much.

Most favorite: Luo Binghe. He was.... made for me............ Like, the overwhelming amounts of childhood angst were baked in by Shang Qinghua, but the in-story pain and suffering is PRECISELY my jam. I love a character with separation anxiety! I love a character with massive anxieties over being unwanted! Over nobody ever, EVER just choosing him! I love a character struggling with the idea that the person he loves most in the world thinks that he’s intrinsically Disgusting! I love the kind of stubborn determination that leads him to preserve a corpse for five years, desperately hoping for a way to revive it, constantly cooking fresh food, in case, in case he someday wakes up. The way Hua Cheng loves is overpowering, but he’s had time to like... learn to be mellow when he needs to be. Luo Binghe doesn’t have a chill bone in his body, and if he’s acting chill, it’s probably because he’s done some mental math and decided that being more clingy right now will probably get him pushed away harder. I love the combination of manipulative tendencies and a very, very genuine fear of rejection and being unwanted. There is nothing I don’t love about Luo Binghe, including his worst decisions. I love him so so much.

#spock replies #long post/#svsss #mdzs #tgcf #thanad-zid

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vivilove-jonsa · 4 years

Note

Halloween prompt 😁: "we have to run, now!".

Hello, my dear! Thank you for the prompt. This turned out different than my original thoughts on this one but have a little Halloween Haunted Corn Maze Fluff.

(and just fyi for others, I afraid I won’t be able to do any more prompts for a bit after this one)

Halloween night. What on earth had made her agree to this?

Pride.

Oh yeah.

Look, it’s not like she doesn’t love her siblings. She does.

But sometimes, they have a knack for making Sansa feel like an outsider in her own family. It’s not intentional but a lot of the stuff she likes just doesn’t appeal to the others and vice versa.

And one thing they all seem to love which Sansa does not is scary stuff. Horror movies, haunted houses, Halloween stuff.

Even Jon, who isn’t technically a sibling but gets treated like one by everyone else, has more in common with them than Sansa does, it seems.

So, when she’d asked Arya what she was doing this Saturday night, not remembering that it was October 31st and therefore Halloween, she’d been told she was going to the corn maze.

“A corn maze? Who’s going?”

“Me and Gendry are going to meet Robb and Jon who are taking Bran, Rickon and some friends there.”

“The boys are going too?”

Their little brothers are still underage so it wasn’t the usual Saturday night pub crawl that Sansa has occasionally joined the others in. (Which she’s joined them for more frequently since breaking up with her boyfriend three months ago.)

“Yeah.”

“Well, it sounds fun…”

She’d let that linger, waiting to see if her sister would extend an invitation. Her stomach had knotted up at the thoughts that the offer might not come but Arya hadn’t let her down, not exactly.

“Right. Well, you’re welcome to come. There’s a pumpkin patch or hayride if you want to wait for us there.”

“Why would I want to go on a hayride alone? And who’s picking pumpkins on Halloween night? Won’t all the pumpkins be picked?” (Honestly, she’d be very sad if there were any pumpkins left behind and would want to take them with her.)

“But…Sans, it’s a haunted corn maze. I don’t think it’ll be your thing.”

Thus, Pride had had its say and insisted that of course she would enjoy going to a haunted corn maze on Halloween and how dare anyone suggest otherwise.

Alright, she’d looked wistfully at the little shed where they were selling popcorn, caramel apples and hot apple ciders upon their arrival. She might have even sighed seeing the young couples wearing gloves with rosy cheeks climbing onto the haybales for their hayride. But she’d marched determinedly up to the booth ahead of everyone else to buy her ticket first because Sansa Stark is not a fraidy cat.

Which has led to her current predicament.

“We have to run, now!” Rickon shouts as the chainsaw-wielding murderer gets closer.

Yes, part of her agrees. Her fight or flight instincts are kicking in with flight winning. Every hair on her head is standing on end. Why does a power tool get to have that level of impact on my psyche when I’ve never even seen that movie?!

But running doesn’t seem like the answer to her logical mind. They’re all together, a pack. That’s how they’d got past the zombies after their first wrong turn. They’d been hemmed in until Jon had spied the exit path. They’d shuffled along as one with Sansa and Rickon’s friend Shireen doing their best to be as much in the middle of their group as possible. (Clearly, the girl was scared and wanted to hold Sansa’s hand, okay?) Anyway, they’d out-shuffled those zombies and been in the clear for five whole minutes before this Leatherface guy showed up.

So, that is obviously the solution here. They should stick together, not take off in the middle of a huge ass corn maze in the dark in three different directions.

Unfortunately, that’s precisely what Rickon and his friends do.

“No, we don’t need to run! Kids, we’re…ugh!”

Robb shouts after them as well to no avail. “Rickon Stark, if you don’t get your ass back here this second I am never taking you and your friends anywhere ever a-…shit.” They now have three 12-years-olds to hunt down in the middle of a corn maze. “Okay, Arya and Gendry take this path. Bran, you come with me down that one. Jon, you and Sansa look for them that way.”

Sansa tries not to grimace. It’s not a grimace of distaste. It’s a grimace of something else. Based on the way Jon scowls, she knows she didn’t succeed in not grimacing. Well, he was already scowling. Scowling is kind of a go-to look for him in social settings. (Don’t tell but it’s a surprisingly good look on him.)

“Fine. Come on,” he mutters, leading the way with one of the three flashlights they’d brought between them.

It’s not that she dislikes Jon. She hopes he doesn’t dislike her though they’ve never been as close as he is with the others. She’d like to be closer maybe. In fact, she’s teetering pretty firmly in the opposite direction of dislike, has been for the past month or so since she’d got over her break up (nothing that serious anyway) and started spending more time with him and the others on Saturday nights.

Yeah, Robb sniggers when she orders her daquiris instead of the ales they all drink but Jon doesn’t. He’s really pretty sweet about fetching drinks and often offers to give her a lift home. He’s actually kind of funny when he loosens up a bit, too.

But he’s Jon. He’s known her since she was three. Those little flutters she’s starting to notice around him are obviously the effect of the alcohol, right?

Except you’ve not had anything to drink tonight.

So, why the grimace? Well, because she likes Jon and she’s already a little afraid of embarrassing herself out here which means it’s bound to happen.

Maybe I should’ve just rode the hayride alone. I could’ve saved all the unloved pumpkins and stuffed them in the back of Robb’s SUV, too.

They set off down one of the paths, the mowed down corn stalks and mud squishing beneath their boots while they’re surrounded on all sides. She’s glad they’ve got a full moon. It’s a blue moon. They’re already rare but on Halloween? That seems pretty special. It’d feel romantic in other circumstances.

Like side by side on a hayride. He might offer me his jacket and…

Ugh, would you stop? You’re not on a date with Jon.

“Ow! Will you watch it?!”

She’d been staring up at the moon and hadn’t realized Jon had come to a halt. She’s run right into his back, her boots catching his own boot-covered ankles. He’s more solid than you’d think just looking at him. He also smells good…and she’s a clumsy dork.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He’s looking around, listening.

“What is…”

She doesn’t get the rest of her sentence out because someone has grasped her arm.

Someone who isn’t Jon.

She’s screaming bloody murder and there’s maniacal laughter coming from the close-packed stalks that surround them. Yes, they’d been told they might be lightly touched by performers during their ‘experience.’ They’d had to sign waivers that they agreed to that and that they wouldn’t physically retaliate. Sansa is not remotely a violent person but, right now, she’s ready to knock the living daylights out of whoever grabbed her arm.

She’s pulled herself into the middle of the path, not that it’s that wide, and is hugging herself and shaking once the hand lets go of her.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let’s move this way,” Jon says, pulling her down the path away from whoever that was hiding back in the corn.

He thinks he has to protect her, like she’s some little girl who can’t handle a scare.

She mutters she’s fine. She is fine but also embarrassed. And yeah, there’s the chainsaw in the distance again and this whole experience is making her jumpy. It may be a bit obvious.

“Why’d you come tonight?”

“Huh?” She’d been walking along, lost in her thoughts. She glances over at Jon and it clicks what he asked. “I don’t know. I like hanging out with everyone.”

“We like you hanging out with us but I didn’t think a haunted corn maze would be your thing.”

“It’s not. I just thought…” She sighs. “I just didn’t want to be left behind.”

He nods thoughtfully. “It’s okay if you don’t enjoy stuff like this.”

“But everyone else does.”

“You don’t have to be everyone, Sansa. You’re perfect the way you are.”

She raises her eyebrows, grinning at him. “I’m perfect?”

“Don’t let that go to your head.” He starts grinning back. His grins are even hotter than his scowls.

“Thanks, Jon.”

“And I wouldn’t have left you behind. I mean if…” He scrubs at his beard, looking a little embarrassed himself. “I would’ve stuck with you outside the maze while everyone did this.”

“You would?!” He would?!

“Yeah.”

“I wouldn’t want to hold you back from having a good time with everyone else.”

“I’ve done corn mazes before. You wouldn’t be holding me back from having a good time. Not that I’m much company or…”

“GARRRRR!!! MU-WAH-HAHA!!!”

A horrific looking clown comes out of the corn right behind them…carrying a huge freaking axe?!

And we’re screaming again, she notes internally as she grasps Jon’s arm.

The thing is, he’s shouting, too. “We need to run, now!”

He half drags her along but she’s not complaining. She’s too busy trying not to hyperventilate.

They run until they run out of path. They run until they’re both laughing at themselves and each other for running. They run until they realize they’re surrounded by the warmth of glowing lights and cute carved pumpkins instead of corn with the smell of apple cider and popcorn in the air. They’ve escaped the maze.

Rickon and his friends are all sitting together at one of the nearby tables, eating caramel apples and popcorn in huge bites. Her little brother laughs when she attempts to scold him for running off, saying he figured everyone else could find their own way out. “I mean, we found our way and we’re just kids.”

“Should we go back in and look for the others?” Jon asks her.

“No, they can find their way out, can’t they?”

Surely, they can. Besides, she’s got a few unloved pumpkins to save. Jon doesn’t say a peep. Just helps her load them into the back of Robb’s SUV.

“I love toasted pumpkin seeds.”

“Me, too.”

And when her and Jon decide to go on the hayride after sharing some apple cider a short time later, Sansa decides she hopes it takes them a little longer to find their way out of the maze. Especially when Jon drapes his jacket over her shoulders as they hold hands under the full blue moon.

#jonsa #jonsa fanfiction #dialogue prompts #vivilove-jonsa fic

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msuhana · 4 years

Text

heeyoo everyone ! i’m ume ( 21+, she/her, pst! ) and this is my first muse here ! i’ve been eyeing this place for a while but only got enough time recently to really be able to join so i’m supes excited to be here !!! anyway enough with the ice-breaker-esque intro, this is hana 🖤 ( yves fc ) and she’s quite the pain in the ass bc she has quite the longest stick in her ass lmfao! her profile is right here, but it’s ridiculously long ( not that this isn’t ridiculously long but wtv ) so if you don’t want to get a headache .... mb read the below deets first ? i’d reaaaaaaaally love to plot with everyone, i’d much prefer it over twitter (@nagisasgf) or via discord ( feel free to ask! ) rather than tumblr dms, if possible. but if you’d also like to plot, feel free to like this and i’ll zoom by for some one on one time ! 🤪🤪🤪

TW WARNINGS CHILD ABUSE, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, NSFW

meet cho hana

again, cho hana: 21 y/o ( 11/11/98 ), toseong senior majoring in transfiguration, minor in herbology

she’s also in these clubs: chess club (co-president), debate club, and herbology club!

her mother chose her clubs and her major, hana chose her minor and the herbology club

born and raised in seoul, south korea! she’s also a mahoutokoro graduate

she was a ‘accident’, her father is severely out of the picture to the point that hana doesn’t even know his name / whereabouts or questions about him because her mother never told her about him at all and hana just accepted it ( aka her mother has a very tight reign on hana’s life )

speaking of her mother, her mother is a famed auror who fell from grace when she got pregnant with hana

because of her pregnancy with hana, she had to retire early and thus dedicated her entire life making sure hana didn’t make the same mistakes she did and was just as smart, talented and envied as ahyoung had been

this makes for a very restrained childhood, where all hana knew was studying, studying and more studying

also if it isn’t obvious, hana has serious mommy issues to the point that she’s disillusioned herself into thinking everything is okay when it’s not

( TW FOR CHILD ABUSE )

whenever her mother was displeased with something, she’d physically abuse hana -- it began when hana would get things wrong, if she didn’t get the right grades or failed to make the top of her class but then it started to extend to embarrassing her mother by saying or doing the wrong things

( END TW )

it’s pretty bad because hana thinks, still, if she works hard enough she can somehow gain her mother’s love

ever since she was young, hana was conditioned to strive for the best, because she was ‘cho ahyoung’s daughter’ she could do it, to the point that it not only inflated hana’s ego, it also really fucked up her self-esteem and how she she’s her own self-worth

a lot of people think she’s a ‘genius’ or ‘prodigy’ because of her academic history but she’s literally the opposite, she works way too hard for her grades but her mother wants her to pretend she’s a genius because she thinks it’s embarrassing that her own daughter isn’t a natural-born genius like she is

i, hana

this bitch has Big Tsun vibes if you know it you know it 🤪

like she’ll geniunely care but she’s also HEAVES BIG SIGH BC ???? WHY ??? WHAT ARE THESE FEELINGS ???

she’s such a priss, and she knows it -- that’s why i say she has a stick up her ass bc she does

she’s definitely not a wild card, she’s very by the book, rules and all, sure -- she tries not to fault people if they’re not the same as her but if you go out of your way to be stupid, you’ll be getting an ear-full

probably the most put-together person you know, organized, meticulous, looks like she has her life all together? yeah that’s cho hana

her outfits of choice are hot librarian chic, if you must know -- yes, she owns sweater vests and layers her clothes, and yes she thinks they’re sexy

she’s not mean, but she’s also not unreasonably nice off the gate ???? she’s just really civil and mutual ??? mostly she’ll fake smile at you but in her head she’s like ‘i’m with stupid’

no, but if you’re really dumb / do something really dumb she’ll call you out on it without filter

she’s a very type-A personality, but she wasn’t always like this. if anything, she was made to be this way and it kind of stuck. she carries around a planner ( no, not those bullet journal crap ) an actual planner with real dates, a to-do list and scheduled sessions written for almost every minute of every day. if she loses this, she’ll practically shut down

hana doesn’t love control, she needs it -- if anything, without it, she can get a little antsy, so much that it kind of fucks with her fragile ego ( you can thank her mother for the need to be in control bc her mother literally controls every aspect of her life )

if she’s upset, she’ll probably grin through it before quickly excusing herself to go throw vases at the walls or tear flowers to shreds in the greenhouse

if you need someone to critically tear down your confidence and dish reality’s terrible news to you, hana’s probably the person you need

you can probably find hana in 3 places if she’s not in her dorm: studying in the library, crying in the greenhouse, or smoking at the pool of universe

she’s praised as some kind of genius or prodigy, but hana thinks it’s more of an insult than a compliment because she's neither. she won’t deny it but you can probably instantly see the way her demeanor changes towards you when you call her either of those things

this bitch should go on jeopardy with all the useless information she keeps on hand from all her studying, tbh. like she’d be leading a normal conversation with her friends, and if it’s remotely related, she’d randomly insert it into the conversation as if it was something normal like asking about the weather.

not one to go out looking for trouble, but much like a vulture – she follows it. perhaps it’s her desire to be praised, to feel needed, whatever – but in her group of friends, could probably be seen as the moral compass, if not, the person who’s cleaning up everyone’s messes ( or holding their hair while they puke their guts out )

needed connects

childhood friends who know how hana’s mom is, and all the stress she puts on her ( but not the bad things that happen at home ) and try to help her through her issues but hana’s like ‘no, it’s not your problem, it’s okay’ but this friend won’t give up because they hate to see hana so stressed and sad and frustrated and just want the best for her!!!!

give her friends who want to loosen her up because she’s literally so fuCKING RIGID, she needs to live a little but hana is literally like fuck that shit i need to study my ass off or else i’ll lose my place ( but really she’d probably not lose her place, she’s just delusional )

ppl she can actually break down in front of bc she feels stress keeping up w everyone’s expectations of who she is and she’s kind of SIck of pretending to be this Perfect Person but she keeps it up bc it’s better than hearing the nasty things about her

give me a good tension-filled rivals plot, this bitch is honestly so hyper-competitive it’s ridiculous, we’d just love someone to go ‘chill tf out you bitch, but oh yeah look how i steal rank 1 from you’

TOSEONG SENIOR PREFECT LOCKED ! so, hana worked extra hard junior year in order to get senior prefect ( or even head girl ) but since she got neither, hana is a) pissed and b) bitter because now she has her mother breathing down her neck for not getting either positions, but her mother’s wrath adds even more : ) unnecessary : ) stress and that stress : ) gets unreasonably taken out on that toseong senior prefect

exes who couldn’t keep up with her -- hana always puts her relationships second to her academic priorities and it comes to a point where she’ll put studying/getting ahead before hanging out with her significant other, and it has always been this way ; she’s also just never able to properly put her feelings into proper words so she’s always just ... Repressed

someone give her a love where she ALMOST threw everything away for but at the last minute didn’t -- OR BETTER YET she was so ready to do it but the s/o was like Sike! and she was left devastated and her already vulnerable feelings got even worse to the point that she closed herself off

HERBOLOGY CLUB MEMBER LOCKED ! ( could be a junior year or above! ) hana wasn’t always in the herbology club, but she joined her sophomore year after a brush of fate. after getting really bad results on her DADA exam, and fearing what her mother would say/do, she finds solace in the greenhouse ( she’s been there several times bc of her minor and finds it empty at certain hours ) and begins ripping up the plants. your muse can find hana and scold her / console her / etc. but somehow the interaction ends with your muse convincing hana to join the herbology club

( TW NSFW )

someone pls fuck her against a bookcase, just a thought

rivals but fwb ( can also be paired with the connect from above! )

( END TW )

hana secretly smokes. she doesn’t fault anyone who does, hana just thinks it’s a bad habit for herself and if her mother knew, she knew she’d never hear the end of it. so, enter your muse either they found her while they themselves were looking for a smoke or just happened upon her -- either way they found out hana smokes and it can end in either a ) hana doesn’t give a shit and ends up having smoking dates with them or b ) hana fucking fears for her life and exchanges something in order for you to keep your mouth shut

( TW ABUSE, VIOLENCE )

PRE-ESTABLISHED FRIENDS PLOT REQ ! but your muse mistakenly walks in on hana and her mother in the middle of a heated argument. you finally see hana being the submissive person you Don’t know her to be and in the nick of time you see her mother slap the shit out of her. you try to talk to hana but don’t know what to say -- shockingly enough -- you don’t need to say anything because hana just breaks down and it kind of just makes sense. from there, your muse will probably be the only person hana goes to about her mommy issues, especially when hana’s mom makes her ‘surprise’ visits to campus to check up on her

( END TW )

hana isn’t a bad drinker, if anything -- she’s pretty good at keeping her alcohol in check. however, you aren’t -- so here she is, holding your hair, holding your arm, or helping you back to your dorm room. either way, she’s here to take care of you and in the morning, lecture you for your almost alcohol intoxication scare

as top of her class, hana isn’t unfamiliar to tutoring others, if anything, a lot of her professors actually ask her to do so -- pairing her with several of their students at one time. maybe you’re one of the students she tutors?

someone who envies how well hana does in school, and is constantly praised for it -- maybe hates her for it? idk -- something spicy i guess or going so far to say how easily it comes to hana and kind of undermines the hard work hana actually does and hana either takes it or blows up at them for it bc that shit is annoying as fuck

toseong house cute plots bc hana isn’t really all that cute but like she tries ... she wants affection but won’t go out of her way to ask for it??? bitch has problems i swear

toseong house not so cute plots ( could also be relevant to any not from toseong ) who are just sick of hana’s genius bullcrap and want to take her down a notch !!!!! my ass heavily wanting this bc who doesn’t love a muse in pain / agony ; could also apply as a rivals / hate plot idk

( TW BLOOD )

HEALING MAJORS LOCKED ! your muse catches hana in the middle of her rage episodes. she unceremoniously is wreaking havoc somewhere and ends up breaking glass to the point that she ends up bleeding. your muse chances upon her -- sees that she’s bleeding and offers to patch her up. whether or not she fesses up to why she ended up this way, can be determined!

( END TW )

#msu:intro #honestly if you read all this u deserve everything Good in the world #also known as ume doesnt know when to stfuuuuuuuuu !!!!11!!1!!!#also yes i stole parts of her profile and stuck it here y not #ill have another post for halloween plots when i stop spamming the event blog bc my ass doesnt read directions carefully #tws are there just in case none of it is explained graphically but just in case ykno!!

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shadowthrone-ammanas · 5 years

Text

Guilt Chapter Two: Here to Stay

Finally the continuation of Guilt!

“Hey kiddo,” Snatcher said as Hat Kid strolled into the room. He’d invited himself abroad her ship again and had taken his old spot on the edge of the pillow pool.

“Hi,” she said with a smile as she ran up to him, seemingly unsurprised by his presence. “Does this mean you have new contracts for me?” She was way too excited by that thought. … Maybe he could come up with some later, ones that wouldn’t put her in much real danger while still being difficult and therefore apparently exciting and fun to her because she was insane.

“Not right now. I came up here to ask you something.” He’d been thinking about it for the past couple days since their talk and he may have already started preparations to find her good parents. Before he proceeded any further though, he needed to okay it with her.

“Oh.” She was disappointed, of course, why wouldn’t she be? But would she be excited by his proposition? “What is it?”

“As we’ve established, you’re an orphan. Regardless of whether or not your parents are dead or just abandoned you, you’re an orphan either way.” Hopefully it was the former because the latter was more depressing – people who abandoned their own children were a special kind of evil. “I however am a lawyer and thus have the credentials to fix that if you would like me to.”

Hat Kid’s face once again lit up with excitement; good, she deserved loving parents. “Are you saying you want to adopt me?”

Snatcher flinched. “No! I’m saying, I could find you good parents and write up the required legal documents for an adoption.”

“You’d be a good parent though.”

“Uh… kiddo, have you forgotten what I’m like? I’m a bad guy, remember? I eat people’s souls, I tried to kill you multiple times. That ringing any bells in that empty head of yours?”

“So? And you’re not all bad, very few people actually are. I think you’d be a cool dad.”

He scowled at her, crossing his arms in disapproval. “No, I wouldn’t. So, I’m not adopting you are anyone else.”

Her face fell, almost making him feel a little bad. But it was for the best. She’d be better off with almost anyone other than him as a parent. Heck, even the Mafia Boss would probably do a better than Snatcher could. So, it wasn’t happening no matter how sad she looked about it.

“Uh… okay,” she said, seemingly getting over it. “I guess I can’t force you to or anything so…” She shrugged. “I don’t need parents anyway. But thank you for the offer, I appreciate it.” She smiled at him. “But anyway, I’m going to Dead Bird Studios now. The Conductor and DJ Grooves are making another movie together, can you believe it? They agreed to let me play a small side character for a couple scenes. I was just coming in here to get a cool outfit for it.” She turned away from him to skip to her closet and pull something out. “I’ll see you later,” she called as she skipped back out of the room.

Snatcher sighed and slumped back into the corner. There went that idea. That was fine though, he didn’t care. He’d been offering to do a good deed for once on his unlife, if she wanted to reject it, that was on her. She was clearly perfectly capable of taking care of herself anyway so let her. It was none of his business.

“Earlier why was your first assumption that I was going be the one to adopt you?” he found himself asking hours later when Hat Kid returned after she’d told him way more about the directors’ movie than he really cared to know about.

“Well you’re the one who brought it up so why wouldn’t I assume it was you?” she replied, kicking her feet as they dangled over the edge of the pillow pool. She had a point. “I don’t really need parents though so it’s okay.”

He frowned at her. “What about the directors? You seem to like them a lot. One of them could adopt you.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to be adopted by them though. They already got the Conductor’s grandkids to take care and I know from babysitting them that they are a lot of work. And as cute as they are, they like to bite and pull on people’s hair and it hurts. I don’t want to deal with that. Also, DJ Grooves and the Conductor are still trying to figure each other out. They love each other, I know it, they just have to sort it out and then… kiss or do whatever it is adults do when they realize they’re in love. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

Assuming Hat Kid’s assumptions about the directors’ feelings for each other were correct they’re relationship was likely to fall apart and cause trouble for everyone around them so… it was perhaps best they didn’t adopt her. “What about the Walrus Captain?” Snatcher suggested next because he’d liked his idea of finding her a parent; it would’ve been his one good deed of the century. Which would hopefully make up for the fact that he’d tried to kill Hat Kid; an orphan with a tragic backstory who was just happy go lucky because she was a freak. “You like him, right? He’d be a good dad.”

“Yes, but uh…” she grimaced. “I still feel bad about wrecking his ship especially since he still doesn’t know it was me. And if he adopted me, I’d have to tell him and I’m not doing that.”

A chuckle bubbled up in Snatcher. “That was your fault?”

“Wait! You… didn’t know? Uh… nah, of course it wasn’t me.” She put on a forced grin and looked away, making a dismissive gesture with her hand. “I would never try to steer a ship that isn’t mine.”

The chuckle turned into full laughter because it was just too good. The world’s perfect little hero wasn’t actually a hero all the time after all. “Good job kiddo, you destroyed a man’s livelihood and almost killed a whole bunch of people in the process, some of them children so young even I wouldn’t murder them.”

She turned back to face him, scowling. “It’s not funny, don’t laugh. How was I supposed to know that driving a sea ship is so different from driving a space ship? It’s dumb that the boat didn’t have brakes because it should’ve. … But uh… I guess braking in the water is different than in space, huh? Still though, I didn’t mean to. It was an accident and I feel really, really bad about it. But… no one died so it’s not that bad, right?”

Snatcher’s chuckles died down. “Some of us did get awful wet though. Turns out that box wasn’t waterproof. And that water’s real cold kid, I hated it.” The fact that they’d crashed into an iceberg made it even worse because ice was the worst. Upon escaping the box, magicking himself back to the mainland and then his forest had been a pain.

“Oh… sorry. But… why were you still in the box? I would’ve thought you’d get out once the ship sailed.”

“I only left it at night when almost everyone else was asleep. I didn’t want to deal with having to kill a bunch of people to keep my place on the ship, it would’ve ruined the whole vacation thing.” More like he hadn’t wanted to deal with people at all. Living people weren’t his thing and he’d rather not be around them. Why he’d chosen to go on vacation in a cruise ship, he no longer knew.

“Oh well… sorry. But uh… it’s all fixed now, right? Everyone’s okay and the Captain’s got a new boat. So, it’s almost like it never even happened and we can all pretend that it didn’t.”

Snatcher could use that info to blackmail her one day. Though… he wasn’t going to, was he? Because of that whole dumb soft spot thing he had for her that was a like a disease so… “Fine,” he said with a sigh. “I guess the Walrus Captain is off the table then.”

“Yep. I guess there’s Cooking Cat, maybe. But she’s already adopted Mu and I know Mu has to be a handful. And I don’t really know Cooking Cat all that well anyway. She just kind of showed up in my kitchen on the ship a few times to experiment with my stuff. Cooking’s not really my thing so I just left her to it. And uh… that’s everyone off the table because I don’t want to be adopted by anyone I don’t know well because then what would be the point? I really do appreciate that you even thought about it though.” She gave him a sweet smile. “So don’t feel bad about not finding me a parent.”

Snatcher grunted. He didn’t feel bad about that, he didn’t even care. So, he was just going to drop the whole idea.

A few weeks went by that turned into a month and then two. Snatcher came up with more contracts to challenge her with. None of them, though difficult, were terribly dangerous and he may have kept a bit of a closer eye on her than he had before just in case. It wasn’t necessary though, she was just as skilled and nimble as ever, excelling at every challenge presented to her.

None of the rewards he made for her could ever top the shadow puppet – or apparently the bow because she wore it all the time when she wasn’t specifically using any other hat. But they weren’t meant to, he’d probably never be able to make something better. Just like before she was pleased with every reward.

Eventually he started running out of ideas. There were only so many types of physical challenges he could throw her way that didn’t involve someone or something specifically trying to kill her. Maybe he could start coming up with puzzles to challenge her intellect instead. It was certainly something to think about if she stuck around long enough. Speaking of that though…

“How long you planning on staying kiddo,” he asked as she reentered her room after changing into the outfit he’d made for her as a reward for a challenge. It was a version of the cloaks the Subconites wore. He considered infusing it with magic so that when she pulled the hood up, she’d look like a Subconite as well but had decided against it because she’d undoubtedly use it to bother him.

She froze for a second before continuing on her way back towards him, the spring suddenly out of her step. “Uh… I don’t know. Just… however long I end up staying, I guess.” she shrugged before sitting down next to him. “Thank you for the costume, it’s very cute.”

He grunted, unsatisfied with that response. “What was with that response? Why would me asking you how long you’re staying, make you sad?”

“Um… it didn’t make me sad?” Even if her tone hadn’t made it sound like a question, he probably wouldn’t have believed her. She was happy most of the time so when she wasn’t, it was very noticeable and her mood had definitely dropped at the question even if she’d brought it back up. “I just… don’t know when I’m going to go home.”

“And come to think of it, when you first got here and mentioned why it took you so long to come back, you seemed sad then too.” And Snatcher had forgotten to bring it up again until now. “Why is that?”

“Uh… reasons.”

He frowned and crossed his arms. “Something happened at home that delayed you and is the same thing making you not want to go back, right? What is it?” He was curious now.

She frowned right back at him. “And you say you wouldn’t be a good dad.”

“What does that have to do with this? Answer the question.”

“It has everything to do with it. But uh… I guess I can tell you. There’s no real reason not to because even if you wanted to you couldn’t turn me in. Basically, you remember what I told you about the school? They taught me how to fly and stuff. Well, that voyage I went on with my ship when I lost all the Time Pieces here was my final test for graduation and becoming a full pilot. I was supposed to visit three planets, collect stuff from them and go home. Which I succeeded in, this planet ended up being an extra one which I thought would be a good thing. But turns out, they know I lost the Time Pieces. They don’t care that it wasn’t my fault or that I got them all back.”

She sniffled as her eyes filled with unshed tears. “They failed me. And because of that they tried to take my ship away. I stole it back though and ran away. I got away somehow and had to hang low for a while because they’re looking for me. Coming back here was a risk that I probably shouldn’t have taken. But… the planet I was hiding out on didn’t have any intelligent life and everything alive bigger than me saw me as prey and tried to eat me, everything smaller saw me as a predator and ran away so I didn’t even have any animal companions. I was getting so lonely I felt like I was going insane. So, I had to come back. Thankfully, it seems to be okay. But that means I’m stuck here for uh… a long time. Leaving would risk their sensors picking up the movement of my ship.”

“What happens if they catch you?” Snatcher asked.

“They’ll take my ship and bring me back home to publicly execute me. They might torture me too if they think I might have any information about their enemies.”

“You’re a child though.” Even when Snatcher had been trying to kill her, he’d meant to do it painlessly. Heck, rarely when he killed someone did he mean for it to be painful. Torture was not his thing, just eating souls.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m a traitor now and all traitors must die. So, if they ever find me and catch me, I’m as good as dead because there’s no way I can fight all of them and win. And it’s not fair. I got the Time Pieces back, all of them. Why would they fail me? All I want to do is fly my ship. And it is mine no matter what they say. It’s not fair.” She sniffled again as she looked away.

Snatcher grimaced as he reached out a hand to lightly pat her head in hopes of that being a comforting gesture. “Well… good riddance, I say.” He tried to make his tone light. “They’re clearly all a bunch of corrupt peck-necks. You’re better off without them. And it is your ship, maybe not legally but in this case, who cares about the law?”

“I know but… that place was home and… I spent my whole life there on that station and I worked so hard to get back to it. But now I… I guess I’m homeless, huh? A homeless orphan, the only thing keeping me from basically being the stereotypical protagonist of a kid’s book or game is the fact that I don’t live on the streets stealing from rich people. I have my ship though which… I guess is good enough.” Her less than happy expression said she was lying about it being good enough. So…

“Uh… you can call this planet home if you want,” Snatcher offered.

Her face lit up as she turned her head to look at him. “Really?”

“Yes, really. You’re going to be stuck her for a while anyway while you wait for those assholes to stop looking for you so you might as well.”

“Hmmm… I guess I could find a place to land my ship and live out of it from there for a while. That’d be safer anyway because then they’d have to scan the planet directly in order to find it. Where though? Probably not on the island because I don’t think there’s enough space. Definitely not anywhere near the Metro. The mountains are too mountainous for sure. Maybe the desert would be good even if it would be hot so…”

“Kid, I know what you’re leading to,” Snatcher interrupted. “And fine, I’m not going to fight you over it.” Because she’d undoubtedly convince him anyway because she was just like that. “Go ahead and land your stupid ship in my forest. That’ll be my good deed for the century, letting a dumb homeless and helpless orphan live in my territory, so don’t expect me to do anything nice for you or anyone else for the next hundred years at least.”

Hat Kid giggled. “Okay, thank you.”

Snatcher frowned down the document he’d just finished revising for the fourth time, making sure it was as perfect as it could get. Was he really doing this? Really? After he told both himself and Hat Kid in no uncertain terms that he wouldn’t? … Yes but… he had an excuse. She was moving into his first meaning he needed to have some level of authority over her and this was the best way to do that because it was the way she was most likely to respect.

Before he could second guess himself any further – which considering what he was doing probably wasn’t a good idea but he was full of not good ideas these days – he teleported onto Hat Kid’s ship again. “Hey kiddo,” he said.

Hat Kid, sorting through her closet jumped and turned to face him. “Hey Snatcher,” she replied, smiling.

“There’s one last thing I need you to do before you park you ship in my forest.” They’d already cleared a space and set up a basic landing platform, the only thing she was waiting was his okay to land. “I need you to fill in your full real name on this document.” He snapped his fingers, making it and a quill appear before.

She narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion before looking down at the paper. As she read her expression brightened. When she looked back up at him it was with a large smile. “You’re adopting me?”

Snatcher held back a sigh. “Yes but only because if you’re moving into my forest I need to have some authority over you. This is the easiest way to do that.”

“Yeah, sure it is.” She giggled as she picked up the quill to fill in her name in the needed areas. When she was done, she handed both back to him because now it was time to sign it and make it official.

He sighed as he looked it over one last time. Hat Kid had written her name in her native language, meaning he couldn’t read and thus still didn’t know her real name. It didn’t matter though. He signed it at the bottom before he could think too much about it.

“There.” He snapped his fingers as he sent the adoption document to the same sealed, protected, and hidden room he kept the contracts with the Subconites in. “I’m legal guardian now.”

“Thank you!” She ran over and hugged him. He sighed and tolerated it. Just this once though, after this no more hugs. … He was glad she was happy though.

#My writing #Ahit #A hat in time #snatcher & hat kid #dadcher #fluff #adoption

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hopeatermeetsgodzilla · 4 years

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Chapter 18

Mothra softly landed in front of the temple, Battra not too far in front of her. She raised her head, a pang of nostalgia hitting her at the sight of Styx’s statue. “Sister?” Battra called, turning toward her.

Mothra shook her head, bringing a hand to her eyes. “Sorry... coming here always reminds me of mother.”

Battra frowned sadly, walking to his sister and putting his hand on her shoulder. “It’s alright. Take a moment to steady yourself.” Mothra nodded, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

She opened her eyes. “Alright, let’s go.” Battra nodded, taking her hand and escorting her to the inside of the temple, approaching the basin of water in the small room before the main area. “Remember to wash up.”

Mothra nodded, soaking her hands in the basin as Battra moved on into the main area, which was hidden from view by a silk curtain she had helped him make. She turned back toward the basin, watching water droplets fall from her hands.

She knew what Battra wanted to show her. The flowers from the Tapestry were no doubt wilted, dried up from how much the planet had warmed. The yellow flowers representing deserts had probably spread, and the amount of white flowers for the poles shrunk. And where humans had built major settlement, flowers would’ve fallen.

She just hoped she’d be able to convince Battra to not go on a rampage.

Mothra dried her hands off, entering the main area of the temple. Battra was kneeling in front of the Tapestry, looking at the flowers that had fallen off. She approached him. “How many of us died?”

He looked up at her. “There’s only one monkey, one spider and one beetle left. Varan is dead, his island sunk. Titanos is dead, wound compliction. Bagan is dead, I have no idea what happened. Dogora is dead, starvation. Camazotz is dead, old age. Caesar is still alive, but I don’t like his chances. Same for Megalon, and it’s looking even worse for him due to having been asleep for so long. Your mate’s sister is not only also still alive, but she’s also not at risk, somehow.”

“Then why would you mention her-”

“Because if there’s one of us who was mostly guaranteed to die during hibernation, it’s her.” Battra explained as he got back up, hands full of dead flowers. “She bleeds too easily.”

“And she’s aware of how easily she bleeds. She wouldn’t have learned how to dodge so well if she didn’t.” Mothra reminded him, before taking a closer look at the mural. All of the changes she had predicted where there, so she wasn’t too surprised by that. So she directed her attention to Rodan’s flower. Indeed, it was closed, with the three, strange golden flowers representing Ghidorah close to it and also closed. Out of the way of reality. She smiled. “Rodan’s really starting to come into his role as a Guardian.”

Battra raised an unconvinced eyebrow. “Please take a good look at what his flower is surrounded by. Or rather, what it’s not surrounded by.”

Mothra frowned, before bringing her attention to it. Her frown deepened as she noticed the lack of other flowers, and her eyes widened when she brought her fingers to it, the stone crumbling to dust under her fingers. Dead. “Wh- what happened!?”

“Humanity happened.” Battra hissed. “By now, you should know that their arrogance will lead to the destruction of us all.”

“So, what was, like, the initial ‘worst case scenario’ Monarch envisioned?” Florès asked, sipping from his cup of coffee. He and quite a few other Monarch scientists were currently in the break room, having lunch. Normally, the younger man would stay in his office, but the doctor had told him to take regular breaks where he wouldn’t be tempted to work to keep his stress levels low. “Before the whole Ghidorah thing, I mean.” Obviously, it wasn’t working as well as intended.

“It was generally agreed that the Titans sending us back to the Stone Age was the worst case scenario...” Coleman informed him. “Personally, however? We all personally have things we’d rather not see captured on camera.”

Florès tilted his head at that. “Like what?”

“... for me, it’s the inside of their mouths.” Coleman admitted, sounding queasy. “It’s just... urgh. Look up animal mouths, it’s disgusting.”

“We’re talking ‘Godzilla slaps is own eyeballs with his tongue to blink’ disgusting or ‘Rodan has fucked up goose teeth’ disgusting?” Florès asked, a smile forming on his face when he saw the disgust and fear form on Coleman’s.

“‘Rodan has fucked up goose teeth’ disgusting, and Godzilla had working eyelids.” Emma deadpanned from where she was sitting. “And anyway, the inside of a Titan’s mouth is preferable to understanding how their... powers... work.”

Florès tilted his head in curiosity. “I thought you’d like to know how all of that would work?”

“I do, but... if that information got out, who knows what people would do with it.” Emma muttered, shaking her head. “So, as much as I’d like to know how it works, I fear the worst-case scenario of it being used as weapons.”

“Oh, come on!” Florès whined. “I was expecting something stupid, not something straight from your heart! Dr Chen,” The mythologist turned toward the mechanic “Do you have any fucked up, but not sad Titan things you don’t want so see captured on camera?”

Chen seemed to think for a moment, before her face brightened in realization. “Oh! There’s multiple instances in mythology of Titans eating other Titan’s carcasses, especially their heart. While that kind of thing isn’t unheard of in both the animal kingdom and ancient civilizations, it is pretty gruesome, and could be used by anti-Titans group to showcase that they’re mindless beasts.”

“... Uh.” The mechanic took a sip of his coffee. “Hostia. Kind of surprised no one mentioned courting rituals and everything related to them.” Florès pulled a face. “Like, if there’s one thing I don’t want to see, it’s that.”

“... What do you mean?”

Florès gave a sharp smile to Coleman. “Look up animal genitalia.”

“... I’m sure it’s not arrogance.” Mothra started, trying to ignore how she felt she had been stabbed. “Humans probably don’t realize the full consequences of their spreading. As for Mara, I’m certain you’re doing what you did with Mu’s weather control machine: you’re blaming a whole for the actions of a few!”

Battra groaned, visibly exasperated. “You still insist on defending humans? After everything they’ve done!? Are you so blinded by your love of them that you can’t uphold your duty of protecting our planet’s life?”

“I am focused on my duty of preserving life, brother.” Mothra hissed. “Including the one of humans! You’re the one who’s blinded, by your anger. You keep letting the crimes of a few human warp your perception, and hurt innocents in the process! Poor Manda was crushed by your rampage in Mu!”

“My perception of humans is not warped! In fact, I see them for who they are more clearly than you ever will! They’ve hurt the planet and other Titans before, and they’ll do it again! In fact, they already have!”

Mothra blinked. She had seen the patch of death, but Rodan’s flower seemed healthy... “What do you mean by that?”

Battra said nothing, simply pointing to one of the larger flowers. A very much wilted, but still attached to the Tapestry, flower with large bright blue petals. Godzilla.

Mothra could feel her heart shattering in a million pieces. What in Terra’s name had happened on Mara!?

#writing #My writing #Godzilla #godzilla gijinka #gijinka #mothra #battra #oc #my oc #emma russel

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donttouchmyherobabies · 5 years

Text

Take it off!

So, let me say this, this is from an RP my bestie and I was doing. I wrote this on Google Docs and figured, why not post it! It’s not my best work and honestly, it’s my first time writing something for the My Hero Academia fandom. I’m fairly new to the fandom and this just popped into my head last night. I want to apologize for Shigaraki being OOC at all. The RP is not reader insert, she’s my own OC. Long story short, her name is Kohana Mori. She’s a villain in this one. She has white hair and blue eyes, pale skin, and is fairly thin. The RP for this one hasn’t gone very far so not sure about much with her. Either way, please enjoy some deliciously pointless Tomura Shigaraki smut. Because he is one of my babies and needs more love. Side note: Her name translates to Little Flower Forest.

This is rated M. Features smut, cussing, and possible triggers. 18+ readers would be best but honestly, I can’t exactly stop you. You have been warned. Also, possible dub-con because let’s be honest, the teasing and threats get bad.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Shigaraki sounded furious as Hana came walking in the door of the bar fresh from a workout.

“Walking through the bar. Why?”

“Why are you wearing that?” He motioned to her body. At this moment the entire League was looking at the two of them. Mind you there were only Toga, Dabi, Kurogiri, herself, and Tomura in there currently so not many but still.

“Wearing what, Shigaraki?” she asked unsure of what his problem was. The last few weeks he had been a particularly extra mean asshole to her. Also to Dabi, but mainly her.

“That!” he motioned towards the All Might themed sports bra she was currently wearing complete with matching capris.

“I received it as a gift from my best friend. And I happen to like it.”

“This is the League of Villains. We are literally trying to kill the Hero you happen to be wearing.” His hands itched at his neck.

“I’m aware but the set is cute!” she protested. “And it was a present. I’m not gonna ignore a nice gift from a friend.”

“I don’t give a single shit. Take it off and dispose of it!”

“You want me to what?” Why the hell did he feel the need to be this big of an asshole?

“Take it off!” His impatience was just increasing. How dare she walk into his bar wearing that trash? It didn’t help she was sweating and her hair was pulled up.

“Excuse me? Once more?” An idea formed in her mind.

“TAKE IT OFF BEFORE I WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR FUCKING NECK!” She knew he meant it too. He was shaking in anger, Kurogiri keeping him held back.

“Take it off?” she gave him an incredulous look before sighing. “Okay then. You asked for it. You win. I’ll take it off.” She got a big ass shit eating grin on her face. She looked around to every single one of the villains sitting in the bar and grabbed the edges of the capris. She yanked them down and stepped out revealing her black lace thong. There were a couple gasps and Shigaraki looked completely stunned. No one moved. She reached under the edges of the sports bra and yanked that over her head. She smirked at everyone in the bar. Her eyes went from Shigaraki to Toga and finally landed on Dabi who was ready to spit his drink. She bent over and picked up her fallen clothes. “There. They’re off.” She stood there completely bare except for the panties. And her socks.

Shigaraki wanted to yell but he was way too distracted. She threw the clothes over her shoulder and walked her petite little ass to the back where she could change and shower.

Thank goodness her dad hadn’t been there to see this.

Shigaraki was silent and didn’t move for a solid fifteen seconds before he shoved Kurogiri aside and stomped after Hana. Everyone else stayed in the bar trying to process what just happened. She was almost to the full bathroom with her bag of clothes, still naked, when Shigaraki stepped in-between her and the bathroom.

“Did you need something Shigaraki?” She thrust her chest forward a little.

“What the fuck was that?” he was just barely keeping his eyes from scanning over her body. No one had ever shocked him like that, except maybe Izuku Midoriya, and certainly never stripped naked in his bar.

“You yelled at me to take off my workout clothes. So I did. I only did what you wanted.” she said with an innocent tone to her voice that he knew was fake as she stood on her tiptoes to bat her eyes at him. He looked furious. The itching at his neck increased as she noticed him looking down.

“You stripped naked in front of the whole bar you little slut.”

“Yet, you’re the only one who seemed to have a problem with it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just worked out, I’m sweaty, and I need a shower.” She reached up and let her long white hair fall from its messy bun and down her back. “So, unless you’re gonna join me, get out of my way, please.” He continued to block her. In retaliation, she stripped off her last remaining clothing items. Her socks went first tossing them over her shoulder. Then, she locked eyes with him as she shucked her panties down and kicked them off her ankles never once breaking eye contact.

He finally moved aside and let her pass him. He broke eye contact first as she walked past him and he stared at her ass. She knew exactly what she was doing as she bent over to turn on the water, leaving her clothes on the sink.

“Aren’t you gonna close the door?” she said looking back to him. He shut the door alright. When she turned around again he had shut the door and she heard the lock click. However, he was now not wearing a shirt. The hand he called ‘Father’ was sitting on top of his shirt on the counter. She never realized how skinny he actually was. His arms looked nice though even with the previous scars and bullet holes. “Oh.”

“You said to join you,” he said and tugged at the drawstring of his pants. She turned around, her face heating up, and adjusted the water to boiling hot like she liked. She figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the heat. She pushed the curtain back completely and stepped in. “So, I’m gonna join you.”

“Fine. I hope you like showers so hot they could melt skin.” she was testing him now. There was no way he would actually do this. She looked back at him with a sarcastic toss of her long hair. This was a game of chicken and she was gonna win.

“Last I checked I’m the only thing in the League that can destroy skin so thoroughly.” She felt his presence close to her back but she didn’t turn around. She switched the water to shower and let it come down around them. If his clothes got wet then so what? If there was one thing she could say for this shitty bar in this shitty area, it had an amazing shower, thankfully kept clean by Kurogiri she assumed, and the water pressure was fantastic. She turned around looking him in the eye. She wasn’t gonna look down. She couldn’t bring herself to. She often forgot he was several inches taller than her. She was short as it was. He made her feel so small but her actions today had made her feel taller than him even if she did have to expose herself to half the League to do it.

“Have you met Dabi? Such big talk,” she said stepping completely into the stream. The steam from the showered filled the bathroom and she stared him in the eye daring him to try something. She decided to tease him a little. She turned around facing the shower and felt the steamy, hot water run through her sweaty scalp. She let out a moan as the water ran down her back and through her scalp. What could she say, it felt good. She raised her arms and let the water cover all of her skin washing the sweat and grime she felt. She let out a couple more soft moans. She turned and his crimson eyes were burning a hole in the back of her head. The steam had raised a flush to his skin. Yeah, it was the steam. She stepped aside to let him pass. “Aren’t you gonna get wet?”

He didn’t answer. He stepped past her to step in the water stream. She smirked as she went for the lavender scented shampoo she had brought with her. She poured some into her hand and grinned her shit eating grin. Okay then. She reached up and put her shampoo in his hair. He flinched and turned around with a fast twist.

“What exactly are you doing?” He looked annoyed but she simply stood on her tiptoes and continued.

“Just thought you could use a little help. Hope you like lavender. Now, come here.” she said cheerfully. He looked even more annoyed but reluctantly leaned down to let her finish. She got a thorough lather worked into his hair and she felt the tips of his fingers run over her arm. She let him. He kept his pinky off her so she wouldn’t decay in the shower. She didn’t let him know how nice it felt to be touched. It had been a while since she’d had someone touch her. “Rinse.” she turned away to pick the bottle back up and pour more into her hand. She lathered it into her own hair until she was covered in soap. She turned around with her eyes closed. She felt a hand on her wrist and he gently pulled her into the stream of water. She reached up to scrub her scalp until she was sure the soap was gone. When she opened them she was staring straight into Shigaraki’s red eyes inches from her.

Her breathing hitched and his fingers ran over her arm again. She looked down and watched them. His touch actually felt nice. Even with it being so lethal. She looked back up to him with a smile. She reached one hand up and ran her thumb over the scar on his lips. He closed his eyes as she ran her fingers across his cheek, his eyelids, and into his hair. He seemed to relax into her touch. She smiled as she pressed against him. She felt something against her leg and knew what it was. She left a kiss on his cheek.

“To-mu-ra~” she pressed tighter against him crushing him against the wall and her body. She left little kisses on his cheeks not once touching his lips. “What’s wrong? Haven’t you ever been touched before?” Her hands slipped around his neck gently sliding over the scarred skin of his own doing. She actually looked sad for a moment. She knew what it was like to be anxious and only have toxic outlets. She also knew just how touch starved this man was. His quirk wouldn’t really allow for safe touch. Good thing she didn’t fear death. She stood as tall as she could and left kisses on the skin of his neck. She tilted his chin upwards so she could reach easier. She felt him press closer to the wall as though he was afraid of her touch. “It’s okay. I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You’re being nice,” he stated. “After what you pulled in the bar. After I yelled.”

“I can be mean if you want. Maybe I should punish you for yelling at me.” She pressed tighter and bit gently into his neck. He gasped and felt like he couldn’t breathe but she heard him groan over the sounds of the water running. She held his neck pulling him closer to her level. She bit down a little harder making sure to leave a mark. “Maybe I should make you apologize for yelling at me and making me do that in front of everyone.”

“You have a better chance of killing All Might by yourself.” He was pushing her. She was gonna push back.

“Fine then.” she pulled away from him and stepped back into the stream of water. She bent over and reached for her body wash, also lavender scented, and poured some on an exfoliating cloth she brought with her. She ran it over her skin not once meeting his angry eyes. She went as far as to crank the water up a little hotter. He stepped out of the stream and she felt him watching her. She scrubbed her skin, making sure to do extra bending and twirling her hair. She smiled an evil little smile and turned around. “Will you get my back? I’ll do yours after if you like.” she held out the cloth to him fully expecting him to ignore her or even get out. He surprised her by pulling her close to him and taking the cloth from her hands. She turned around and stepped back towards him. She reached up and moved her wet hair so her bare back was fully exposed to him.

She felt the cloth run over her shoulders. She didn’t think he would really do it. Yet, here she was taking a shower with Tomura Shigaraki and he was currently running an exfoliating cloth down her shoulders, her spine, and down as close to her ass as he could get without actually touching it. She was about to step back under the water until she felt his lips against her neck avoiding the soap on her back. One of his arms circled her waist, his hand balled in a fist so he wouldn’t accidentally touch her. He pulled her flush against him not letting her move. Two could play this game.

Hana pressed further until he was back to being sandwiched against her and the wall. She felt his erection pressing against her ass and she slowly, torturously, moved her hips against him. She heard him gasp, felt his breathing hitch, and his other arm wrapped across her chest. She leaned her head back against his shoulder and he left new kisses and bites on her neck. She continued to move against him slowly not giving him near enough friction to finish but just enough to torture him.

“If you keep teasing me you’ll regret it.” he threatened. She could hear the tone of his voice. She pushed. One of her hands slipped between them and she palmed his erection. Holy crap, this dude was not small. She wasn’t expecting that. She had heard Dabi making jokes about him having a small dick. She could say with certainty he was definitely wrong. For the first time since pissing him off, she was genuinely afraid he would hurt her, just not with his lethal quirk. “Kohana… Don’t make me…”

“Make you what? Apologize to me?” she let out a gasp as he bit harder into her neck. She palmed him a little harder and ran her hand down his length. Her fingers brushing over the head. She ran her thumb over his slit playing with the pre-cum that leaked from him. “What would you really do to me, huh, Tomura?” She didn’t let on to how good this all felt. She had been feeling the wetness building between her legs and the heat pooling in her lower stomach. It all felt so good. He bit her harder damn near drawing blood.

“Keep pushing me and I’ll-”

“You’ll what? Since you won’t apologize to me, what will you do?” She looked back at him with her big blue eyes staring into his crimson red eyes. The steam in the room was nearly unbearable and thick. One hand stayed on his length giving languid strokes and the other hand was digging nails into one of his arms. He dropped his arms letting her free. She stepped into the water to rinse her back and turned to see him mere inches from her face. She grinned up at him and batted her eyes. “To-mu-ra~” she moved closer to him. “What will you do to me?”

He closed the gap between them and kissed her hard. If she had to guess due to the sloppy way he kissed her that this was his first kiss. It had to be. He wasn’t the type to have a high school sweetheart that gave him his first go. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He kept one finger on each hand off her as he gripped her waist hard enough to bruise and slammed her against the heated tile. One hand kept her pinned while the other slid down her bare chest running smoothly over her nipple and over her breast. She shivered against him and moaned into his mouth. Her lips parted for air and he slipped his tongue past her lips. His knee slid in between her legs and pressed so close to her she was able to grind down on his knee as she was desperate for friction at this point. She moaned loudly as he attached himself to her neck again. Her fingers slid over his shoulders and down his back.

“Tomura...please…” she moaned again feeling him push harder against her. She hated the fact she was reduced to begging. It all felt too good. They both smelled like lavender, the steam kept their faces flushed, his blue hair and her white hair were soaked and stuck to them. “Tell me what you want to do to me. Please?”

“I want to break you. I want to bend you over this shower and fuck you until you’re crying and begging for me to let you come. You were bad today. Taking your clothes off in front of the League. What am I gonna do with you? Should I even fuck you or should I get out now and leave you by yourself?” the words came out as she reached down to stroke him again. She grinned. “Wipe that look off your face!”

“Or what?” she asked looking into his eyes and running a hand in his pretty blue hair. She damn near shrieked as one of his fingers suddenly entered her. “Fuck!” she cussed and he took the advantage to shove his mouth on hers again and fought with her own for dominance. She let him win. He kept his index finger inside her, his thumb on her clit teasing her, and the other three fingers to his palm so he didn’t hurt her. He pumped into her slowly. He watched her eyes rolling in her head and she moaned loudly against him. He added a second finger and felt her natural juices flowing down his hand.

“Are you really so wet for me? Does the idea of me nearly killing you really turn you on?” he asked feeling her stroke him harder with little twists and jerks of her wrist. She kissed him on the lips and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Would you really hurt me? I think you like me too much.” she grinned and her face fell as he hit a specific spot inside her that had her clenching around his fingers. He swiftly removed his hand and forced her legs open more. He leaned down and slipped an arm under one of her knees. He lifted her leg exposing her most intimate areas to him completely. He lined himself up with her entrance.

“Beg for me.” he rubbed the tip of his cock against her slit but never going in. She actually looked down and paled a little. This was gonna hurt. The combination of his size and her not having been with anyone in the past year made her want to rethink this but at this point, she was sure neither of them actually could.

“Please Tomura, fuck me. I want you.” she gripped his face in her hands and pulled him into another kiss. She exclaimed into the kiss as he sheathed himself inside her in one swift motion. “Fucking hell… Ow… Fuck… It hurts…” he didn't move, allowing her to adjust to the size of him. “Shit!” she cussed. He slipped out slightly and slipped back in until he bottomed out. Her eyes scrunched up from the pain. She looked into his eyes. He seemed genuinely worried. His hand that wasn't holding her leg reached up and his thumb wiped away the tear that had fallen down her cheek.

“I told you I would break you for being such a bad girl today.” He pulled out and slammed himself back in making her cry out. The mix of pain and pleasure sent his name tumbling from her mouth. After a few more thrusts there was no more pain. He paused for a second to lift her other leg. Her legs were wrapped around his hips and she was stuck to the wall. He pistoned himself into her as his mouth wandered down her neck, chest, and breasts. He left kisses, bites, and dark hickeys on every bit of skin he could reach. He fisted her hair in his hand when she tried to move her neck away. It was a miracle her hair didn’t decay. She was a dripping, needy, fucked up mess against him and he kept going until he could feel himself coming close. He felt her clenching around him with each thrust and knew she wouldn’t last long either. “You take my cock so well. Aren’t you a good girl for me? Can you cum for me? You will come for me. Cum on my cock like a good girl.” he thrust into her harder and one of his hands drifted down to play with her clit. Her screams only got louder as he continued to fuck her into the wall and stroke her clit roughly.

“Oh, Tomura! You feel so good. Please don’t stop, I’m so close! I promise I’ll come for you. I’m so…” she trailed off and screamed as she tumbled over the edge. She may have screamed a little too loudly because a sudden crashed nearly ruined the mood. He ignored it and kept going as his own end approached. A few thrusts later and he bottomed out cumming deep inside her with a growl and a shout of her name. They stayed in place, him still inside her as he finished releasing within her, her legs locked around him, and looked each other in the eyes. Red met blue. She gently stroked his cheek and he kissed her gently. Both of them stared with heaving chests trying to take deep breaths. The steam made it hard.

“Let’s get out,” he spoke finally. She undid her legs from his hips and he turned the water off. She nearly fell and he kept her held up. Her legs felt like Jell-O and it hurt to walk. He felt somewhat bad for being so rough with her but it also made him a little smug. He stepped out and looked down to see what had happened. Her quirk had destroyed the bathroom mirror when she screamed. Most of it landed in the sink. There were a few shards on the floor. He didn’t care. He reached for the towels that were hanging avoiding the glass. He passed one to her and she got out of the tub on sore, shaky legs. He wrapped a towel around his waist. Once she was covered he grabbed her and scooped her into his arms. His room was down the hall. He left their clothes sitting on the sink vowing to come back for them. She looked up at him with tired eyes. She hadn’t expected this from him. This was very new. He was also much stronger than he looked since he seemed to have no trouble lifting and carrying her.

He opened the door to his room and set her gently on his bed. She dried off as he threw her an old T-shirt of his and he dressed in sweats and no shirt. He didn’t give her any pants to wear so she figured she wasn’t getting any underwear either. She wasn’t bothered. After what had just transpired she was glad to have some coverage. The shirt hung off one shoulder and barely covered her ass.

He left the room for a few minutes to retrieve their clothes from the bathroom and inform Kurogiri that the mirror had been broken. Toga and Dabi were long gone. Kurogiri wished Shigaraki a good night as it was now late. Kurogiri did not ask what had happened to the mirror or where Hana was. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out based on what they’d heard in the bathroom. Toga and Dabi had left the second they heard them talking in the hallway. He had a feeling they would give him shit for it later.

He went back into his room to see her lying on his bed, his shirt barely covered her ass, and the lack of underwear was a nice sight to see. She had already claimed a pillow. She was laying there waiting for him. She watched him move around the room with tired eyes. He wasn’t going to admit this but it felt so weirdly pleasant knowing there was an extremely attractive girl, with no underwear on, wearing one of his shirts, waiting for him to join her in his bed. That was definitely an ego boost. He smiled at the thought of the possessive way he had her in his bed and how she was sitting there waiting for him. Why did this feel so good? He pulled on a pair of thick gloves so he wouldn’t accidentally kill her during the night.

He slipped into bed next to her and she immediately cuddled up into his side. He froze as she snuggled into his side and made herself comfortable, even throwing a leg over his leg. She threw an arm across his chest and settled her fingers on his neck. She smelled so damn good. She rubbed the skin of his neck in a soothing way and he wasn’t going to lie and say it didn’t feel good.

“Good night, Tomura.” she left a kiss on his cheek. He didn’t stop her and just looked at her for a moment. She had a smile on her face. He felt his heart beat harder in his chest.

“Good night, flower girl.” he forcefully kissed her lips and nuzzled his face in her lavender scented hair. She let him. He wrapped his arms around her as she drifted off first. He looked down at her knowing full well he was definitely gonna have a repeat of this tomorrow. Then, with a heavy sigh, sure that she was asleep, he muttered. “Sorry.” He couldn’t see her smirk in the dark.

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momentsinsong · 5 years

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Moments In Song No. 022 - Ola

“Moments In Song” asks people one simple question, “What are you listening to?” For every installment we ask someone to make a playlist of 10 songs they’re listening to, whether it be something new they stumbled upon, or a song they’ve always loved, and explain the story behind their choices. We aim to show that no matter where we come from, what we do, or what we look like, music has the ability to bring us together.

With a playlist full of emotions, Ola talks to us about favorite hard hitting songs, how his father and brother introduced him to new music, and gives us a crash course on African Music.

Listen to Ola’s playlist on Apple Music and Spotify.

Words and photos by Julian.

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Can you tell me about the thought process behind picking these 10 songs?

So like, just things I listen to everyday on my ride to work. I throw on my long playlist, and these are the songs that always hit extra hard. Like “Runaway” is my favorite song ever. “They Don’t Really Care About Us” is like the first song I memorized as a kid so it’s a hard hitting song. And “Tricky Bailey,” I remember when we crafted that in the Denny’s the day after a party (laughs). It things like that that inspired this playlist.

How difficult was it to pick 10 songs? Did they come easy to you, or did you have to take some time to think and pick the 10 you wanted?

I started with like fifty (laughs).

Fifty?!

And then I had to narrow it down. Because there’s a lot of songs that I listen to daily that I like that should’ve hit this list, but you have to take out the stuff that people may not understand, or won’t make sense. You have to take out the stuff that’s not on Apple Music (laughs). And then you have to find a good set that really speaks of who you are. You should be able to know that is the shit that Ola listens to when you pull this up.

What would you say this playlist explains about you?

It shows a bit of my style and what I like. It shows my mood and the different facets of myself. It’s not just always super rap, it’s not always super trap either. You can be lyrical, but you can be experimental, you can have fun and you can be sad. And it’s all cool.

What songs on your playlist would you say fit that experimental lane?

I mean for it’s time “Runaway” was considered experimental because Kanye was crying on autotune and nobody had really done that before. The joint with SAINt JHN is experimental because you can’t really put it in a lane. It’s not a rap song, it’s not R&B, it’s one of those little pop techno type because of how the beat goes. “Xanax Damage” is Future playing with the trap banger and being more emotional, which I don’t think a lot of people are big fans of but I love that shit. Emotional Future is the best.

I know from just knowing you as a person, Kanye and Future are two of your favorites. What about them make them your favorites?

Because the make music that makes you feel. It’s all their rawest emotions, for better or for worse. Even when Future says things that are considered disrespectful, it’s how he feels raw and he doesn’t apologize for that. I appreciate that in artists. Same thing with Kanye, storming the stage to take that mic from Taylor Swift, it’s unapologetic, it’s raw. It’s ok to feel feelings. Everybody only talks about feelings when you’re winning. It’s ok when it sucks. If you’re not happy with yourself it’s ok to talk about how you’re not happy with yourself. It’s an emotion. That’s what I like about them, they’re very raw about their feelings.

Also just be knowing you, I’m surprised I didn’t see any Fela Kuti on the playlist. I know he’s one of your favorites. Did you have any songs from him that didn’t make it on here?

I did but the problem is, how am I gonna fit a 32 minute song…(laughs) because I don’t like the way they do his singles. Some of the songs progress very interestingly, like from the way the bass comes in, some songs have 2 basses in them, one will abruptly come in when he calls for it, so it’s hard to fit those 20 minute, 14 minute, 35 minute long songs.

Are they really that long?

Yeah. One of my favorites is like 36 minutes long.

What’s is called?

O.D.O.O. (Overtake Don Overtake Overtake). He used to call it African Classical Music.

I don’t know much about him and his music, but are most of his songs live performance recordings? Is that why they’re so long?

Yeah a good amount of them. There’s “Just Like That” which I think was done in Detroit. The Berlin show was live and that was recorded into an album. There’s one he played Glastonbury in the UK too that became an album as well. A lot if it is live instruments, a live band. If any song would have made it, probably “Zombie” would’ve been the easiest to fit in because it’s very common so people would catch it faster. And it’s not too long, it’s about 12, 14 minutes.

I feel like with Future and Kanye, those are artists you listened to because of the time period you grew up. How’d you pick up on Fela, who’s an older act before your time?

My dad is an older guy, so he listens to older music. So I would listen to his music when he would drop me off to school, my older too he’s a music head and listens to a lot of older acts. When you start getting older, you start to look for things you like, so I started searching on YouTube and found one of his songs. That lead to clips of his concerts where he would say things that would resonate with me outside of the music. From his view on Africa, Black nationalism, how you should love your blackness, all of that. It was from there that he became my guy. I even wrote my college applications on him. He’s the man. Rest in peace to a real one.

Building off of that, when did you start finding the music and artists you wanted to listen to, and developing your taste.

When my brother first visited after we moved here, When I was a kid he would always play music and I would always remember songs and have it stuck in my head. There’s this one Micheal Jackson song actually, and not a lot of people know this but Michael Jackson is one of my favorites. He has this one song “Whatever Happens” and the only reason I remember it to this day is because I used to steal that CD out of his room and play it every night before I went to sleep. It’s little things like that that helped me pick what I like. And then from there you get YouTube, Limewire, all that good stuff, word of mouth with your friends too. Shout out to my boys who got me hip to Gucci when I was younger in High School. That’s how you start developing what you like. And then the sound evolves. I like Gucci, that’s why I like Future, because Gucci was the first trap god. And it goes from there, from Future you have a little bit of Travis Scott, Playboi Carti, you have different sounds. You branch off from one mumble to multiple mumbles.

Would you say your brother and dad are two big influences as far as where you get your music from?

Hell yeah. I still remember I stole a CD from my dad in 2011 when I went back home for the summer. I still have it to this day even though I don’t have anything to play it on.

What CD?

It’s Fuji Music in Nigeria. It’s this old CD from like 1987. It’s almost religious music but not really, in the sense that it started from religion. He’s talking about some foul shit because he can talk about foul shit, but another musician died so he’s talking about how we was a great guy and how everyone should remember him. He also talked about the politics at the time, and how the military was in charge of everything. And it’s all in Yoruba, so it’s how I remember my language as well.

Who’s the artist?

Alhaji Sikiru Ayinde Barrister.

Wow that’s a mouthful. Is Fuji Music a genre of music?

Correct. That’s why what they call “Afrobeats” today I personally don’t like calling it Afrobeats, because it’s not pure Afrobeats. The original Afrobeats is Fela’s music, and from Fela’s music there’s Juju music, there’s Fuji music, there’s music from the North, and also Highlife music, which are all subgenres of everything. So this new Afrobeats they’re playing is like taking bits and pieces for everything from above. When you call it Afrobeats it takes away from the original Afrobeats which is Fela’s lane, and it also kills everybody else’s music because when you Google Afrobeats once you get past the new guys, the first thing that comes up is Fela. You never really hear about the other ones.

So you’re saying Fuji Music is a branch of the original Afrobeat stuff? A subgenre?

It’s not even a subgenre. It developed around the same time almost. It just never blew up.

Oh so it ran parallel to Afrobeat?

Correct. It just never blew like it should.

Are you saying what people call Afrobeats now is more similar to Fuji Music?

It’s like a combination of all three. I don’t necessarily want to say it’s closer because it’s the same effect. The call, the rhythm. Sometimes there’s a lot of instruments in the background. Fuji has a certain style. You’re just talking shit sometimes. They all have it in them too. It’s not necessarily devoted to one lane like they call it. Afrobeat was the one to blow up first, so that’s why the name was sticking and that’s why it’s easier to call everything that’s come after Afrobeat. Fuji never really escaped the borders, because it’s also tied to the language. If you don’t understand the language you’ll never be able to understand the songs.

Are there any current Afrobeats artists that match the original sound of Afrobeat?

Yeah Fela’s sons still play. Like 2 of his sons play. Even his grandons play.There’s also a few bands that sound like his stuff. There’s a band in America, Antibalas, that sounds like the original Afrobeat with the big band feel. You have different horns, the basses, everything coming into it. There’s a few of them out there. But everything’s gone pop. Everything that they call Afrobeats I’d rather call it Afro-pop music. Because it’s popular music. It’s taking from everybody. Not just even Nigrean Afrobeats, but they’re taking things from other countries in West Africa. The French speakers for example, Southern African music is coming into it now. It’s only a matter of time till we take from East Africa.

Yeah I feel that. I feel like the same thing could be said for some Reggaeton now. A lot of it is heavily pop influenced, and has some electronic sounds in it. You got like DJ Snake making songs with J. Balvin and calling it Reggaeton now.

And that doesn’t make it bad because some of the music is fire.

Yeah definitely.

Let’s just not kid ourselves on what we’re calling it. There’s nothing wrong with Pop music, Pop music is fine. It’s not a derogatory term.

What would you want people to take away from this playlist?

Future is the best rapper of all time.

Ok (Laughs).

But nah seriously, music is cool. Music has different feels to it. There’s happy songs here that have you going. There’s sad songs. That song “Descent” at the end, when I get married I’m gonna play that joint when my wife is walking up to me and I will cry real tears. That is one of the most beautiful songs of my life. Music is feels and it's cool.

Connect with Ola:

https://twitter.com/doflamxngo

https://www.instagram.com/doflamxngo/

Connect with Moments In Song:

https://www.instagram.com/momentsinsong/

https://twitter.com/moments_in_song

https://tinyurl.com/MISAppleMusic

https://tinyurl.com/MISSpotify

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penvenomstarkstar · 6 years

Text

Down By the Docks Pt 2 “Cracks in the China”

Written with @maggie-thornecliff

(At a tea shop in the Tradewins Market area)

Maggie nodded, and got them a table. It was after lunch, quieter, and tea was served promptly and hot, with more steeping in the pot. Maggie smelled it, then smiled as she looked out the window. The sun on her face through the windows.

"T...this is nice.."she looks at her cup"A...after we...drink this you....you pick....where is it you want to go..."

She grinned. "I want to look at the armouries and smiths. I've been seeing bits of kul'tiras steel pop up 'ere and there. It's fine work." She murmured a little more softly. "Your blade is that steel, before it was spelled."

"w...wait what?"

Penny she looks at her over the teapot "J..just where did you get it?"

She had this sort of lopsided smile. That one full of little bits of mischief. Just little bits. "See, I went to Smith, and asked him for a sword worthy of a Gilnean mage. Something that'd keep her safe. And that's what we came up with. Found the blade at an auction. The sort that doesn't get written about after." She nods a touch "It...dose and you spend to much on me" she smiles back adoring the smile on her mate that offers mischief and giving back one that is soft and small and sweet "It'll do all sorts of tricks for you, if you've the mind to grow into them. Work, that. Mage work, not merchant work. If not, it'll still serve you well." She sighed a bit "I...I really haven't done much with my magic after Arugs...unless you count freezing up my own arm She nodded. "And freezing faith."

"Well. How's this. I need to keep up my training. And so do you. So we'll do a bit every day." "S...sure I....I would like that" Penny picked up the pot and poured Maggie ordered a tray of nibbles, different bits of things, then looked back to penny and held out a hand. So gentle and carefree it was easy to forget that Maggie had charisma on her side."A place with a view of the water, and a window full of salt breeze." "W...we can set up shop....export teas to other folks that have been displaced form her...call it taste of home"She took maggies hand "Trade in steel, too. Any goods these folk have that might walk the world. And onna return trips, make sure we're bringin' back things they're needful of." She smiled. "But I imagine that you had at least some've tha' to mind already, aye?" "Y....yes not steel no weapons....but the fish and the spices"

"I...I sent out word to one of the market I want to look into clams and then i would like to talk to Weeds about sail cloth " She nodded a bit. "No steel or weapons?" "W...we get pulled over with something like that..." she shakes her head "Still fly the alliance banner, don' we?" She lowers her voice "M....moving weapons is a danguse in times like this" She shrugged a bit, murmuring around her cup of tea. "We've moved worse." She took a sip, all so easygoing it'd be hard for an onlooker to see she'd even spoken. "N...not in a time of open war like this" she stirs her tea a touch "besides steel w...would have to be acounted for above borad " "Would ore?" Another sip. She smiled a little. "You've good crews." She got quieter, leaning in close like she was saying something soft and sweet. "Good crews who never ask why the insides've the ships don't match the hulls, or why we always sit so low inna waterline." "Maggie we....we are dealing with ship people" "So let's put away a little somethin' lighter." "W...what has you so keen on the bussess end all of a sudden" she folds her hands on the table Lady Starkstar bussinss woman Maggie shrugged, her eyes so full of.. some sort of emotion. She did a bad job of hiding it. "May'ap if you feel like you're alone on sortin' out how to fit all of things in between the pages and in between the lines, you'd spend a bit less time in your office." Penny looks at her really looks hard at Maggie's eyes looking for the feeling in the edges of expressions

"It...it can be lonely...but its just if anything was to happen you would...it wouldn't fall on you She sort of went cool then, not cold or icy.. just.. uncertain, reserved. She folded her napkin a little too obsessively, even though it had a tea ring on it. She murmured so softly. "Have I e'er struck you as the sort've woman who'd d'ruther be safe than happy?" Penny looks so hurt at that

Maggie sort of started, like she hadn't meant something quite the way it came out. "It's no' that I'm no' happy. Oi am. I just.. keep missin' you, when you're only a few rooms away, an'.. never really figured out a way to fix tha'." "I...I have my work...it...if I dont then I..." she's so unsure "No' askin' you to stop workin', dove. I jes'.. want more've you. All greedy-like. I love sharin' little moment's with you." She sounded almost.. apologetic. Like it was somehow a bother. She tilted her head and looked down at her tea "S...s..sorry" She looked down at her cup. "Why? I'm th'fool who wen' an' opened my gob with any old worry. More fishwife than knight today, seems." "F...fishwife is fine...just..promise me you'll be my wife" She smiled just a bit at that. "Haven't I already? I just.. want to be sure my betrothed is building a life with me, no' just for me." "..I know...you did but....we haven't yet....i want to make sure....not that i think you don't want to ...just..and my work...its always been a mater of...things seperate...and I just want to give you the world if I could" She nodded a bit, sighing. "You.. I just want you next to me in that world, not jes' trying to give it to me." She laughed. "I'd be a happy beggar, with you next to me."

"I....i know and I....I would be happy just having you close all the time" "So.. be close then. Don't just watch the world go by from behind a mountain of paper bits." "On...only if you don't go running off getting hurt..." she gives a soft smile she knows how they both are. She gives Maggie's hand a swqees "l..let me give you the world....i want to it makes me happy" Maggie sighed a bit. She knew how they both were too. "W...we've made it work....so far....

She had her head bowed a bit. "I worry that I'll turn around, old and grey and half broken, and we won't know what to say. We won't know the other.""Just.. Strangers." "W...why do we need to say anything why cant we just be? A...and you know me....dont you?" She smiled Maggie didn't really know what to say to that. Then her teacup broke in her hand and she yelled, hot tea spilling over herself Penny reached across with her napkin a server came over penny looked up "i...its alright must have been a flaw in the cup...her are you burned?" Maggie let penny see her hand, dry it off. There was a slice in her palm that was just starting to well up with blood Penny took out her handkerchief little flowers on the conners she pressed it to Maggie's hand Maggie was watching her, watching her eyes. There was no pooling of gold no magical moment just worry and sadness in those muddy green orbs. She said nothing pressing her handkerchief down then pulling out a bit of cord probley one she had pocked on the ship she bound it. It wasn't fancy but enough to keep presser on it. Then gently she kissed the back of maggies hurt hand...hardly more then lips brushed across skin. Looking at her for a moment her eyes told her mate that she knew Maggie had broken the cup. "I worry that the only time I have the full of your attention is when I'm bleeding."She said it softly, but so much feeling hiding behind it all "I....if i thought about us more....you it would consume me...."

"I....i would fuss you don't seem to like that...:She shakes her head

"I....i don't know...how to do this....you...have feelings inside you keep....that person safe warm....fed.....protected that's what I am trying to do with my....work.." "We've the money to do that for the rest of our lives. Safe, warm, fed."She shook her head, and sighed, closing her hand around that kerchief with little flowers on it with another sigh. She looked down. " 'm sorry, dove. I think I'm jes' in a mood." "W...would you stay in one place....could you do that? T...the last time you tried you suppressed the Thorn and we got...taken" She thought about it, then shrugged a bit. "Not without somma' to do with myself. I'd go barkin, bloody mad sitting on my hands all pretty.""Is a bit've why I was askin' about the business." There was an odd almost sly look on pennys face one that was a bit out of place That had maggie pausing, tilting her head."Wo'?" "O...on a shelf She flushes a bit

"J...just k..keep you pretty on my shelf.."

That got her eyebrow quirked, and she laughed, and shook her head."aye, I'd go mad there too."

"B..but you would look nice a...and I would know where you were..." she laughs also

Penny smiled so softly "W....what if...we compromise?"

She tilted her head, smiling a little. She couldn't help it. "I'm listenin'.

"I...its two fold""W...we don't have a maid....and I am rubbish at...getting ready..let's go back to some of that....i need to fit in here if we are going to do business...and then training I'll join you....that's part one"

She poured more tea "You....pick a time every other day that I....I have to stop give you an hour....no work no....talk of work....and on the alternating days you....I get you on my shelf as it....were in my office for an hour....bring a book or sewing but just....be there with me"

Maggie nodded gently at that. She looked almost a little.. surprised. She nodded again. "Tha.. that sounds fair wonderful."

"I ...I want to make this work...t...there are things I...I can't give you, but this I can do this..."

Maggie nodded, meeting her eyes with a tired smile. "I think I get.. stuck in my moods sometimes. Oi'm sorry, dove. An' all'va tha' soun's wonderful."

"I...I know I'm not good at....this....I know that...I....I just want to try. N..no moods today n...no more blood tell me how to....make this a better day for you" she means every last word

She held out her hand, then both of them, smiling softly. She took penny's. "Come explore wit' me? See the sights, find the nooks, alla that. I'm sure they mus' have some sor've place that's a bit like the fight pit."

"Y...you mind if i bet on the fights..." she took Maggie's hands gently

She grinned. "Ne'er. I'll even blow you a kiss, for luck's sake."

Penny look at her and smiled. She pulled back her hand and placed some coins on the table "L...lets go then. Y...you lead alright"

Maggie nodded and smiled as well. She stood, leading the way back out to the street. She looked one way, then the other, and laughed. "Ought we flip a coin?"

Penny shrugged "U...up to you.Y...you have my attention...so where ever you want"

She nodded a bit, smiling still. She decided upon left, and they'd only made it about half a block around the corner before coming up on a little shop, with all sorts of little things in the windows. A pawn shop, it seemed. Thrift galore.

Pennys eyes went a touch wide but she said nothing. She was resolved to let Maggie dictate the day

But maggie had stopped, and was looking down at Penny with a soft smile.

She gave a sheepish grin back "T....they have tiny china dogs in the window"

"We'd best go have a look then, aye?" She nodded.

"I..if you like...would you like?"

"Of course." She smiled. "I need you 'appy too, aye? An' I know that look. Let's go 'ave a peek." She knew full well she was signing up for an hour or more in the shop, and she was fine with it.

They both in that moment were just fine.

@wiedaashcroft for the mention

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octranslations · 7 years

Text

Haiiro no Ginka Volume 49

Haiiro no Ginka vol. 49 December 2010

Translation Credits:

Gansonaki Kaoruya - Cammie Die Meisyo De Meisyu - Cammie Rick Meets THE UNWAVERING FACT OF TOMORROW TOUR 2010 Nora Meets THE UNWAVERING FACT OF TOMORROW TOUR 2010 Shinya Dr. nemunemu no daigyakusyu - Risu Toshiya Aibiki no Mori - Risu Mu No Koufuku, Sanretsusha To Kubi/Happiness of Nothing The Assembled Neck - kirei_hukkatsu edited by Cammie

Gansonaki Kaoru-ya

Is everyone doing all right? This is Kaoru who became exhausted from drinking and fell asleep in the dressing room during KORN's show.

Now, we returned to Japan and our Japan tour has just about begun. This time, for personal things, I've changed my set up for monitor and I feel refreshed. There are still improvements and need to work harder, but I think I can continue on with a good feel. By the way, for 10/28 Shinkiba, Rick didn't arrive to the venue until 2 hours before the show, and I didn't know what was going to happen. From now on, we'll be touring the western area, so I wonder how that will go. I look forward to it and I will do my best!

And the single is finally getting released. We've made you guys wait for a long time. The song itself was recorded around spring this year, but as we thought about our schedule and decided on the release, it took more time since our previous work. And we're reconstructing the beginning SE part for OBSCURE, so once that's done, I guess we can use it for the tour right away.

Also, for recent things I've done, I've been writing songs, watching films, and getting stabbed for places where my ink isn't finished. This is something trivial, but I have an urge to eat liver sashimi 1. I can eat it every day. But since it's too much of a hassle to go eat, I haven't eaten any at all. I'll eat it in Fukuoka.

There isn't much content, but around the next issue, I'll work hard in the making so that I can talk about the album! So see ya! Recently, I watched the film, "The Boy in Striped Pajamas". Please watch it. I want to go watch "Lemmy".

Translator’s Note 1. Liver sashimi or ???? (leba sashi) is cow liver sliced thinly like sashimi, which is served with salt or sesame oil.

Meisyo de Meisyu

DIR EN GREY ambassador. Many times the staff overseas describes Die this way, and even during this summer's U.S. tour, he spent the days doing "meisyo de meishu (drinking good sake at famous places) with his friends". Yet these scenes are fishy from the actual person's memory. This time, I, Yuichi Masuda, who went out to drink together in London during the U.K. tour, and who tripped on the street with blood running from the forehead, which was witnessed by him (Die), will report as much as I can remember.

After the show, there was an after show party hosted by the local radio station at the venue, and we drank together with APOCALYPTICA members and staff and had a pleasant chat. Cellist Eicca said, “My body is finally getting used to this tour and I’m gradully getting into better shape.” That night Die saw APOCALYPTICA’s stage from the beginning to the end for the first time, and he told them, “The live was full of waves and I didn’t get tired of watching.” Eicca and the other members smiled in satisfaction. However, the one who increases strangeness after being drunk is one of the band’s founder and cellist Perttu. As Die said, “He looks like he can show up in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean,’” the other cellist and the eldest member Paavo (who has a routine of jogging around the venue surrounding before the live) laughed, “No, he’s more Jack Sparrow than the actual Jack Sparrow.” But this Pirate Perttu who is usually cool and destructive on stage, was quite worn out that night.

In between sound check, Die, Kaoru, Perttu, and Paavo had a discussion style interview. This will be shown on the music magazine December issue of “Player”, which was released on 11/2, so don’t miss out. Naturally, everyone was sober during the interview. THe conversation went into a broad area, but parts like, “We’re bands that aren’t tied down in genre,” “It feels strange for a Finnish band and Japanese band to tour together in the U.S. and speak in English,” and “Let’s do something interesting together some day” came into agreement. From Perttu’s mouth, a word of wisdom was said: “By doing aggressive music, I’m able to maintain peace within myself.”

Die took Jeremy, a local friend that came to see the live, to a pub nearby the venue. He originally was a staff for BULLETS AND OCTANE, and he now has a job affiliated to Minnesota Timberwolves, which is a NBA team based in Minneapolis. On the actual day, there was a local Twins game in the baseball field, so the place was like a sports bar. For the game, Twins lost after extra innings. Yet regardless of the result, the local people continued their boisterous drinking party, and the two of them also fitted right in and continued to talk.

1 month after the U.S. tour, on 10/16 late night, Die was drinking together with Roy Mayorga and Ray Luzier in the city of Giroppon (Roppongi). The first person is a drummer for STONE SOUR and the second person is the drummer for KORN, and this party was held after the first night of “LOUD PARK 10” ended, which DIR EN GREY also attended. Die told Roy, “Our drummer Shinya is very inspired by you.” Then, he (Roy) answered back, “I’m honored. But what is the meaning of that Shinya being absent (laughs)?” As I explained, “It’s late at night and he is probably ‘nemunemu’ (sleepy head),” but I could not make him understand this. In this global drinking party, it continued until dawn while expanding the circle of people. At 7 in the morning next day, Roy was supposed to be leaving for departure from the hotel, but as usual (?), he didn’t get any sleep and he went inside the car as if nothing was wrong. He was indeed a world-class “master of Meisyo de Meisyu”.

As I got the report from Mr. Masuda, I conducted a questionnaire to Die in-between planning meeting about the various scenes!

-According to Mr. Masuda’s memo... “There was a live on 9/1 House of Blues in Chicago. After the show, there was an after-show party hosted by the local radio station where you were drinking together with the APOCALYPTICA members and staff,”but is there a party like this every time the live is over? Die: If there was time, there was always a party. And another party! The night view in Las Vegas was electrifying!

-On that night, Die-san saw APOCALYPTICA’s stage from the beginning to the end for the first time, but what kind of live was it? Die: This love~ this love?

- “On 9/21, there was a live in Minneapolis. In-between sound check, Die, Kaoru, Perttu, and Paavo had a discussion style interview conducted.” This was the interview on “Player” (December issue) that was released on 11/2. After doing an interview with the members of APOCALYPTICA for the first time, how was it? Die: They’re serious.

- There is a memo that says, “Naturally, they were all sober during the interview” (laughs), but do you drink a lot with the other band during overseas TOUR? Die: For this tour, I had the chance to drink with Rick a lot. I can never forget the night of Boston; when the live was over, Rick was in a really good mood, and he took me to a BAR, and we drank down Jägermeister. The next day, I was throwing up until the live was about to start, and even when I took the medicine the staff prepared, I would throw up right away. Fear Jäger power (?’ 3’)=3 burp

-During the interview, you guys talked from the perspective of “genre” and “country”, but before this discussion, did you have this kind of deep talk with the APOCALYPTICA members? Die: I don’t remember because I was drunk.

- Here, I would like to ask something more general, but what is something fun for Die-san during the overseas TOUR?

Die: ???

-On the contrary, is there something tough or sad?

Die: …(- _ -)

-When you TOUR around together with another band, is there something you feel when you spend your days with them?

Die: They really love Jäger.

- Mr. Masuda’s memo says, “After the Minneapolis live was over, Die took Jeremy, a local friend that came to watch the show, to a pub nearby the venue”... but how long have you known Mr. Jeremy? His photo actually has appeared on vol. 41! Die: I met him in 2006 during the “FAMILY VALUES TOUR”. Since then, every time we come to do a U.S. tour, he would come and see us.

- He “now has a job affiliated to Minnesota TImberwolves, which is a NBA team based in Minneapolis.” right? Die: Yes.

-Die-san also likes baseball right? Die: V4 didn’t come true1.

-Now, there is one more thing remaining. “Extra. 1 month after the U.S. tour was over, on 10/16 late night, Die was drinking with Roy Mayorga and Ray Luzier in the city of Giroppon (Roppongi). The first person is a drumer for STONE SOUR and the second person is the drummer for KORN, and this party was held after the first night of “LOUD PARK 10” ended, which DIR EN GREY also attended.” That must’ve been quite a night with these great people, but how did this happen? Die: From Roy’s words: “Meet at Roppongi.”

-It seems that Shinya-san became a topic of conversation while speaking with Mr. Roy...?

Die: I was drunk and I don’t remember. Sorry, Shinya-san.

-You met KORN’s drummer, Mr. Ray, for the first time, but how did that go?

Die: He’s quiet and kind.

-On the LOUD PARK 10 website’s video comment, KORN’s Mr. Jonathan mentioned “DIR EN GREY” for the artist he wanted to watch at LOUD PARK! Die: Jonathan’s favorite songs is “?-saku -.

-Die-san, you had a chance to speak with Mr. Jonathan backstage, but what kind of things did you talk about?

Die: MM

-As Die-san continues to drink with members and staff whom you did an overseas TOUR together, how do you communicate with other bands? If there are any secrets... Die: Power of Jäger.

-Lastly, there was something I was curious about Mr. Masuda’s memo: “Recently, during the UK tour in London, I drank together, tripped on the street and my forehead was bleeding... All this was witnessed by him”... What exactly happened (laughs)? Die: He also must have been attacked by a Jäger bomb. By the time I looked back, he fell over face-down w(°o°)w Be careful, Masuda-san!

-This was “Meisyo de Meisyu” overseas. Will this still continue here on after? I look forward from here on after on who you will have a “Meisyo de Meisyu”.

Die:

Translator’s Note 1. Die is referring to the Japanese baseball team, Yomiuri Giants that could not make V4 (winning 4 times in a row for a baseball series).

For the domestic TOUR that started on 10/15, we welcomed our PA and tour manager Rick and translator Nora-san whom we are familiar with from the overseas TOUR.

For these 2 people that know DIR EN GREY overseas, we conducted a sudden interview to find out about the difference from Japan. RICK meets THE UNWAVERING FACT OF TOMORROW TOUR 2010

—Participating on this Japanese TOUR, is there any difference you feel between Japan and overseas, Rick-san?

For me, the biggest difference was the schedule. Japan is very organized about it. For example... We will be doing this at this time. The U.S. is very flexible and depending on the situation, we have to make adjustments. Also, the number of staff involved! For the TOUR in U.S., we tour with the members, myself, and 2 techs, but there are around 30 people for staff for the TOUR in Japan... That may be the biggest difference.

— I see. Is there a clear difference between the staff overseas and Japan?

There are many things with LIVE overseas where there are many promoters, and with those people, we of course have a proper FES or not have one. For example, when we went to SONISPHERE FESTIVAL in the U.K. this time, everything was displayed well and it was easy to work, but DOWNLOAD was a FES in the same U.K., but I did not have a good feeling with the affiliates and the local staff, and there were many problems. On that point, LOUD PARK that was just held in Japan was a good environment and the staff were good and perfect! Production is Japan is perfect. I feel that the characteristic of Japan is being too perfect...

—I can see how the Japanese characteristic is showing up (laughs). From Rick-san’s perspective, are there any difference between members overseas and in Japan?

(Laughs). Everyone is basically the same! Comparing to the members whom I met 4 years ago, there are parts where they grew up. Die became very sociable and he is very active interacting with everyone. I guess Kaoru changed the most. He was so serious! But now, he interacts with everyone. For example, he changed when he orders a meal at a restaurant. He now starts talking to local people. Before, he would talk through Nora, but recently since they have been able to do things on their own more, I guess there is a part where they are getting used to the actual place (overseas). At first they seemed timid but their personality is basically the same whether they are overseas or Japan. I think they are starting to understand how to live every day overseas.

—So the members’ performing does not change whether they are in Japan or overseas... right?

Yep! They play 100 percent overseas or Japan! They are completely ROCK(ing) out on stage. There really is no difference. Of course, Japan may be better for stage, equipment, lighting, and staging, but I guess that is it. Overseas, there is a budget issue, and many times we cannot do things completely, but as a band, their standing towards LIVE remains the same.

—The conversation is going to digress a little bit but... Rick-san, you have come to Japan numerous times and what do you think of the country?

This is my 11th time coming to Japan but I love it very much! When I applied for visa, I had to find out how many times I went to Japan before and I took a look at my old passport to find out that I went to Japan 14 times. I first came here in 1985 with a band called KEEL, but Japan during that time is different from today. Now, foreigners can live here more easily. Japanese are very polite, quick, and many people like to be tidy, so I’m always inspired by them. Ah, and the food in Japan is wonderful.

—Going back to what we talked before... How is the live house in Japan for Rick-san? You must have experience with the live house capacity we are touring this time in overseas too.

Overall, the venue equipment is better in Japan. The 2000 seat capacity venue is incomparable between Japan and U.S.! For a 2000 capacity venue, the band in the U.S. needs to bring in their PA, lighting equipment when they go on TOUR. Really, live house with this capacity in the U.S. doesn’t have equipment built in (laughs). What I thought of Shinkiba STUDIO COAST is that this equipment is the best in the world!! Regarding PA!! With FES(tival), we are using places that have a good equipment set up so I have an easy time working with it, but between the equipments in small venues in Japan and U.S., there is a real difference. Even if you compare Europe to Japan, the level (of equipment) is still below.

—So for Rick-san, Japan is very easy to work!! Is that what you are trying to say?

Of course!! If I just tweak on the (PA) board, it’s perfect (laughs).

—What do you think of the TOUR environment in Japan? You always have to stay and sleep on the bus for overseas as you TOUR various major cities...

Japan is... I guess the move can be pretty annoying (laughs). In the U.S., we’re on the bus the whole time and at times it can be tough, but there is an environment that allows us to have our own time; and, despite the small space, we can just spend the way there where we can rest when we want to, play games when we want to, and it feels like we’re on TOUR together with our home. When we return to the bus, sleep, and wake up, we would be in a different city (laughs). Since we can use the Internet on the bus, they are able to know what is going on in Japan too. Although when we go to mountain areas, the connection gets lost. The world is becoming a smaller place because of the Internet. Even if you are apart from your family, if you have the Internet, you can contact them. My role overseas is to reserve hotels, and including TOUR planning, I don’t really know whether I’m a manager or a sound tech (laughs). From touring many cities for many hours with the members all over the world, I feel that they know their circumstance no matter how many staff there are, and they know what needs to be done. We went to Russia for the first time this year and it was really great. With that in mind, I’m going to say again that Japan is an easy place to do!

—Even when I listen to what you’re saying, I understand that Japan is a fortunate environment. No matter how much the environment changes, in a good way, DIR EN GREY will always be DIR EN GREY! Now this is going to be the last part, so I would like a word from Rick-san for the members!

I always say this to the members: “Keep it heavy” (laughs). I appreciate being able to come to Japan with DIR EN GREY as a reason, and after being together with them for few years, we were able to gain many experiences and I really appreciate them. Coming to Japan this time, there were old songs that I heard for the first time, and there were songs that I thought, “That’s cool.” The old songs were created just as good as the current songs, so in a good way, it’s something that’s unchanging for them. That’s important. I don’t want them to be sidetracked from what they want to do where it should be likely of DIR EN GREY. I look forward to the next album and what is to come in the future!

—Thank you very much during your busy time!

Ah, this is a question but... why is the venue in Japan so hot (laughs)? Isn’t there any air conditioner?

NORA meets THE UNWAVERING FACT OF TOMORROW TOUR 2010

—Participating on the Japanese TOUR this time, is there any difference between Japan and overseas, Nora-san?

There is no difference with staging. There is difference with equipment and lighting, but basically, the atmosphere overseas and Japan are completely the same. The members may feel more weight overseas, but on stage, that doesn’t affect them.

—Are you saying that they are themselves whether they’re overseas or Japan?

Basically, yes. But for the members, the most difficult part is language barrier. I don’t think Rick is concerned too much about it, but Rick and the people over there will directly tell the members, “This was good today.” Everyone says this in a straightforward manner and the members receive it the same way, and I think that is a very stimulating thing too. At times they may not understand the words, but the people’s reaction and action are conveyed to them. At first, the members wouldn’t even try to communicate to the people overseas; but recently, even when they don’t know the language, they smile or greet where they’re able to have some communication. There’s also a member that is studying hard to learn the language (laughs). The bands that tour with them overseas are also interested in Japanese culture, and the members see that the other people are trying to understand them, so I think that’s why they are being like “Let’s try to communicate!” Despite the language barrier or feel stressed on a personal level, at the actual site, they don’t let that show. I’m amazed how they’re doing a normal TOUR no different from Japan.

—Rick-san mentioned this too, but they’re doing the things they need to do 100 percent no matter where they are, which is why there’s no difference. Now, is there any difference with fans? Is there something Nora-san sees where you feel, “This is different!”?

The members get asked about the difference between Japanese and overseas fans a lot, but I think the passion towards DIR EN GREY is the same for both. If I were to raise one thing it would be the way they get into the LIVE. For example, the Japanese fans don’t do this, but around the beginning of “dead tree”, the U.S. and overseas fans would be dancing! I’ve never seen that in Japan, so that would be a clear difference. It seems likely of Japanese... They are very quiet for quiet songs. They try to react by matching to the style of the song. Also, the unity of Japanese fans is amazing!

—Rather than enjoying individually, there may be an aspect where they enjoy the unity.

Yes. But I think the love towards the band is the same.

—So from what Nora-san sees, is there any difference between the members in Japan and overseas?

H-m... I don’t think the members themselves change, but since the environment is different, the members act differently. For example, everyone is living in a small space overseas. That would be different in Japan. When we’re overseas, Rick or myself take care of everything for the members, so we can see how they are but... When I’m in Japan, I work separately from the members, so I don’t know too much, but observing the current atmosphere, I feel that the atmosphere in Japan is heavier.

—Rather than “heavy”, is it more “serious”?

Yes!! Japan is home for them too. I don’t think they are yearning for perfection overseas... Not for staging but towards their environment. The lifestyle is completely different from Japan, so there is a feel where they are doing their best at a different environment. In Japan, since this is their home, they’re tyring to exert the greatest thing so I think that’s why they’re being serious. So there isn’t anything different about the members and it has to do with the difference of environment.

— They’re uncompromising because they’re from Japan. Perhaps that’s why from Nora-san’s eyes, they seem to have a “heavy” atmosphere. Do you feel that way with the members approach towards the Japanese fans?

Basically, their stance towards the fans don’t change, but I can really understand how the Japanese fan is their base. No matter how tired he may be after a LIVE, Toshiya will be writing a DIARY (entry), and he may be thinking all day about what photo to post and then take the actual photos. Everyone constantly checks the news in Japan and they want to show them where they’re going, so they would take photos for the newsletter or report their first-time experience even when they’re away (laughs).

They get inspired when they go overseas and I think they’re digesting what they have experienced so that they create songs for the fans. They may be away from home, but I think they are getting inspired in order to create good songs and then return to Japan. No matter how many times they go overseas, the first place they release their CD is in Japan!

—I’m going to change the topic, but what left you an impression while you were touring around Japan?

That would definitely by LOUD PARK for LIVE. There was a lot of hard work but it left me an impression. The LIVE left me an impression but the audience left a bigger impression. People that weren’t fans of DIR EN GREY were watching their stage seriously. This is the same as the FES overseas and TOUR that they aren’t headlining, and I always try to find people watching them that aren’t fans. LOUD PARK this time is the same as the festival overseas, and it has made me think that there may be people that newly became fans. Personally, being able to watch the stage from the beginning to start was very good for me. When I’m overseas I have to communicate about the monitor, so I can only see them from the side and listen to the first 3 songs, and I have never seen them on stage properly! This time I was able to watch them for the first time and I was able to experience what the audience feel.

— What were your thoughts after watching them properly?

Well— They’re great after all (laughs). It’s intense watching them from the side, but I could feel the heaviness that Rick always says. I watched them from the front; the lighting and staging were great, and I was finally able to see what DIR EN GREY wanted to convey. Also, when I saw “VINUSHKA” during LOUD PARK, when Kyo raised his hand, everyone on the floor also raised their hands... I was very moved. I felt great unity too. You can’t really see that overseas!!

— This is going to be the last part but please tell us your thoughts about this TOUR!

Thank you very much for letting me follow the Japanese tour as staff! Watching the staff supporting the band under different circumstance from overseas and feeling the passion from Japanese fans directly, I felt moved and refreshed. I learned a lot from watching DIR EN GREY from the front since I usually watch them from the side. I really want the members to work hard in Japan and overseas! I look forward to the next place where another challenge awaits them, and it’s a pleasure working with them.

ShinyaDr. nemunemu no daigyakusyu

Hello everyone. This is Nemunemu and let's begin today. So I am currently writing this [column] in the fall. Speaking of Fall, it's a season of the palate. So this time for this year's custom tradition of hunting for taste/food, I went and picked chestnuts.

Indeed it looks like a town where chestnuts fall. Dr. Nemunemu's wild/animal instinct is at work. As you normally walk on a road you'd immediately see chestnuts on the roadside!

But my relief was still early. When I went for a closer look,

As expected crows or something had eaten everything inside and left the cone/burrs. But of course just knowing that there are chestnuts in this town is already a big catch/harvest. As I walked further on the road, there were more fallen chestnuts.

But of course this area has a terrain where crows can easily land so as expected only cones/burrs were left.

When I walked further I discovered a place that looked like an animal trail.

Nemunemu's wild/animal instinct suddenly pinged so I went further deeper into the trail. Then of course there it was!

A huge amount of chestnuts.

Of course it was still in an untouched condition.

I immediately started picking. But here I realized a big mistake as Nemunemu. I forgot my cotton work gloves eventhough I was going to pick chestnuts. Since I had no work gloves I used my bare hands to take the chestnuts out of the cone/burrs, I only picked as much until my hands hurt a lot.

So I brought the chestnuts home but I didn't know how to prepare/cook it so when I was staring at the chestnut, I drew on it without thinking.

This is a slime.

Since I drew a slime, I couldn't help but draw this.

This is King Slime. The Royal Order ring is the just the right size. Then I couldn't stop and I drew faces on all of the chestnuts that I picked.

That night in my dream I was attacked by chestnuts.

And so I will end this Nemunemu column here. This time since drawing faces on the chestnuts attacked my physical vigor there won't especially be any presents. I am accepting your comments so write down your member id, address, name, age, telephone number, Nemenumu Hakase no Daigyakyusu comment (better if long) and send it to ?105-8799 Nihon Yuubin Shiba Shitendome "a knot" Nemunemu kuri no kakari. The previous winner is No.XXXXX XXXXX-san. Congratulations.

Toshiya Aibiki no Mori

This time I am posting pictures that weren't posted in the Korea, Russia, England, North America DIARY. Well here it is!

1 This is personally the first time I felt that Yakiniku is delicious in Korea 2 This is the town that I saw from the hotel where we stayed in. 3 I ate breakfast with Ms.NAMIKI

1 This is the borscht and blini caviar that we ate at Moscow Airport. But ikura (salmon roe) came out... It seems that in Russia, cavier is a generic term for fish eggs. 2 It seems that Saint Petersburg Airport is written?! 3 Underneath the lobby table at the hotel where we were staying were black painted matryoshkas...

1 500yen water sold at Narita Airport. 2 Shrimp that I ate at SPARKS STEAK HOUSE. 3 Everyone ate while do a meeting. 4 Mr.CARL who did/sold the merchandise during this North America tour.

5 Japan's shame 6 Wonder if you can still ride this? 7 8 Parfait and hamburger that I ordered in LAS VEGAS.

9 Ramen that I ate in LAS VEGAS. 10 11 This is Red Bull. On the right is the 275yen size sold in Japan. On the left is the real/indiluted RED BULL. 12 LAS VEGAS nightscape

13 Exercise machine that I bought at the mall. 14 15 This is frozen durian. Probably not going to eat this again. 16 We chartered (laughs)

1 Arrived in the airport, this is Mr.HARUNA and Mr.GEORICE inside the car on the way to the hotel. 2 As for the hotel room, Mr.Shinya and I were in the same room but when we entered the room there was only one bed... 3 House in front of the hotel.

4 This is dinner. The pasta here is the best! It was so good that Mr.Shinya and I went to eat there after. 5 After this Mr.GEORGE will be picked up by the police...

1 After I came back home I went and watched METALLICA. 2 3 For several years I've been suffering from tenosynovitis [inflammation of the tendon sheath].Thanks to Ms.OKADA's needles [acupuncture], I could do the TOUR.

Well, this year is already over. Have you listened to "Warushawa no Gensou"? I think that we will also deliver new songs next year so please wait!

So, let's meet on the next "Aibiki no Mori"! Have a great year!!

Mu no koufuku, Sanretsusha to kubi/ Happiness of nothing, the assembled and the neck

I am different... I am not here... I wonder if I have fever, my eyes are getting swollen I feel as if I am drunk or have caught a cold I don’t know I, who understand the fact of what I’m doing, but kill time with indifference I am not trying to justify myself There are no lies in my feelings/in what I feel

My neck has gotten stiff

Now I am floating Now I am floating The mind floats and raises the body Summer is hot The sweat is bitter, I'm tired of it now Fusion in confusion, there is nothing

Mr.Sun, won't you please melt the ideals and the reality, which cannot go on as they would like to?

From neck to bottom, maybe I am just a flesh now. I don’t understand my mind. Who is it? Is it me? I don't know, but it's probably me... No, you do understand right? Yes I understand and what I need to do hasn’t changed. I'll hold myself from answering my own questions about what I should do from now on.

So now I wish to rest1 Good night

Translator’s Note 1. The rest here also implies that he wants to have a temporary break from what he is doing right now.

#haiiro no ginka

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wolfkorr-blog · 6 years

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10 songs meme

rules: write the first 10 songs that come up on shuffle (no skipping) and quote your favorite lyrics from each song, then tag 10 people

tagged by: @werewolfonmain

forewarning: some of these songs have political stuff in them, many of them have harsh vocals / screaming / growling, and some sudden and abrupt changes. I like weird music

btw: the songs at the bottom of the list are more normal, so you might want to start from there

1: Panic Room - Silent Planet

(TW: politics, war, screaming, sudden sounds)

Machines of air looking down on us // The beasts of dust as we grapple heel and hand, // Mud and sand, (blood red oil) // The chaff of the harvest // Converted to currencies of wealthy means // Stepping stones cut from our perforated bones // Riches are reaped beside our bodies sown just to be thrown back again // And forgotten if we stumble in // Laid inside a homeless nest, // Stuck with eager dirty needles, // Shipped to an early steeple where boxes close // Descend with grace as you defend yourself - // Both charitable and chaste. // Praise me for my valor, lay me on a crimson tower -// Justify my endless terror as my “finest hour.” // Treat me as a token to deceive the child // Whom we fatten for this scapegoat slaughter //

I learned to fight; I learned to kill; // I learned to steal; I learned that none of this is real // None of this is real // None of this is real // None of this is real //

But there’s a war inside my head

it’s honestly hard to not quote the entire song, but this is the best part for me. it continues in a really symbolic part right after, but I’m not going to take up even more space on just one

2: Silent Flight Parliament - Between the Buried and Me

(TW: harsh vocals)

Jet propulsion disengage // Dancing towards our future // A future of nothing // A future towards nothing (repeat all x5) // Goodbye to everything // Goodbye to everything

the lyrics here aren’t the focus really, but the instrumentals at this point and all the buildup make it unforgettable

3: Northern Fires (Guernica) - Silent Planet

(TW: screaming and politics)

I’ve been digging through timelines, historical bylines; // I find the fatal flaw in our design lies // Between thoughts we had and words we knew // Between what we’re told and what is true // Who fuels the fascist? // A classist— inculcating the masses in passes // Under the contrived // Countenance of contrition // The victor writes the story // More often burns the manuscript // Set fire to a pyre cremate the crimes that they commit // But the flames kept us warm // So we bit our tongues and tasted scorn

I could go on for a long time about how much content is in Silent Planet’s lyrics. they’re so full of references to past events, philosophy, religions, and way more things. they are fantastic if you want to really get into some deep lyrics

4: Girl - The Dear Hunter

Don’t let ‘em in, don’t let ‘em in! // You've gotta keep yourself composed! // So, don’t let ‘em in, don’t let ‘em in! // You've gotta cut them off before they get too close to you

finally, a more calm song. anyway, this part is at the end and it’s great. check it out!

5: The Spark of the Archon - Native Construct

(this one has a little yelling but nothing bad)

Ca-Ra-Zu // Ni-Mu-Pa-Tu // Li-Vu-Ra-Zu // Ni-Mu-Pa-Tu

just listen to it. it’s like a prog-metal / classical / musical theater cluster that works so fuckin well. I really can’t recommend this album enough

6: Monochrome (Pensive) - The Contortionist

(TW: loss of a loved one and being unable to help them)

I know you felt alone // I know you felt it in your bones // (I) // I could feel it in my teeth // I know you couldn't sleep // I know you will find your home

this album is so emotional and AAAAAAAAA. this song can make me cry in a matter of seconds. as it goes on it gets more and more clear what it’s about and the instrumentation becomes more and more complex. anyway just *scream cries*

7: Inhabit the Wound - Silent Planet

(TW: screaming and religion too I guess)

Oh how far we fall…we fall

this song is full of biblical references and probably won’t have as much of an impact on people without that background. but it is a really powerful song and closer to the album

8: This Body - The Dear Hunter

This body's not a temple, it's a prison, yeah // And every wall inside here is on fire, yeah // But I can't say that I mind my body burning, yeah // Cause this body's not a temple it's a prison, yeah

this song is dark, but not sad for me. it’s edgy, but I love it anyway

9: The Oracles on the Delphi Express - The Dear Hunter

You've been stuck in the middle of patience and animosity // With a lust for solidity, and a cryptic history your luck's running thin

this song is fantastic, but it’s part of a much bigger story so... just listen to it all! lol

10: Deny It All - The Dear Hunter

Deny, deny it all // And it all will go away // Close your eyes and deny it all // And it all will go away

this song is just really good and catchy. the lyrics can apply to many things and it has a good amount of compositional complexity to keep me interested. it’s also good to sing along to on a rough day

tagging: @colinmacv3 @genjichu @mantacorn

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abadpoetwithdreams · 7 years

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Nirvana in Fire Episode 7 Reaction

TA-DA, I HAVE RETURNED! I know, I know, it’s been such a long time, y’all thought I was dead, but nope! I’m just back with a different face and a different name and a quest to make your life miserable aka this is the episode with That Househunting Scene. Lord have mercy on my feels.

Before we get started, I apologize in advance because this is going to be a bit more rushed than previous recaps. I’ve been so busy during these last few months of the year, it has made it very difficult to find any time where I can just sit and watch NiF while also taking notes/writing. I can’t watch it while I do other things, like I tend to do with most dramas I watch; NiF requires full attention and especially when one is writing a reaction/recap post! So for the sake of my sanity (because I AM DYING TO KEEP WATCHING THIS HORRIBLE WONDERFUL MASTERPIECE) I am going to try to go a little faster through the next few episodes, at least up to where I left off when I decided to go back and write these reactions for y’all (which I thiiiiiink was around episode 16?), and then since I’ll be caught up to uncharted territory I’ll get more in-depth again and hopefully my life will be less crazily busy, too!

Okay, so without further ado: EPISODE SEVEN.

Where were we? Oh yeah, Xia Dong was being amazing and interrogating a would-be assassin with the best sort of combination of cold callousness and sadistic pleasure. She’s terrifying, but also so very cool. The Good Boys are standing by watching with varying degrees of discomfort at the torture happening in front of them, but while they seem to believe the bombshell dropped at the end of last episode—that Prince Yu is the one who sent the assassins—Xia Dong is totally unimpressed by the lie. Ha, she says, I already lost Yu’s men ages ago. Try again, she sneers. Let me take a moment to say that taking this time away from the show has given me a newly recharged appreciation for just how beautiful Jing Rui is, especially in that particular shade of royal blue. It’s so nice.

The assassin looks like he actually might tell the truth this time, because Xia Dong is That Scary, but suddenly—arrows, arrows everywhere! Our trio have blessedly quick reflexes and reaction time and fling themselves into various twirls and flips to escape the arrows, but the assassin is not so lucky. When the arrows stop flying and Xia Dong returns to her captive she discovers an arrow is lodged neatly in his voicebox. Nope, that’s not suspicious at ALL. Xia Dong swears in frustration and Yu Jin is briefly brave long enough to say she shouldn’t swear (but then when she turns that glare on him he just sort of melts into this apologetic puddle of terror that hastily hides behind poor Jing Rui, and have I mentioned that I love these boys? It’s been like two months since my last episode watch and that love has not lessened). Xia Dong looks like she’s seriously considering at least slapping Yu Jin, but she decides to let his impertinence slide and all three return to the capitol.

Now we cut to Ni Huang’s lil brother, Mu I remember his name being? He’s wearing a most magnificent red outfit, I can’t stop noticing all the costumes this episode, I guess it’s been so long I was having withdrawals or something. THEY’RE SO PRETTY. He’s arrived at the Marquis’ place but when the door guard tells him to wait, he just brushes that off with Nah, I’m just here to see Su! Mu is so refreshingly informal in all his dealings, I think it’s a combination of showing how very young and sort of callow he is but also there’s that divide again between the straightforward and honorable nature of those from the martial world and the skeevy snakeishness of those involved in politics. He’s just so open, and cheerful when he isn’t breaking Sima Lei’s legs. I guess he was cheerful about doing that too, though, in a sense. Also, his expressions are just the cutest. The Marquis’ wife comes out to greet him, and he complains that she calls him young but also thanks her for saving Ni Huang. She doesn’t seem to want to dwell on that and asks him why he’s visiting and he repeats he just wants to see Su—To show Su some houses, in fact. The Princess Supreme looks oddly sad about this? Is it just because she liked having an ally she could trust around the place, or what?

When Mu does meet with Mei Chang Su, Su tells him that he isn’t really in a hurry to move out. Fei Liu is very intently arranging flowers while the other two talk, which is very cute. Mu insists, and then makes the mistake of grabbing Su by the wrist and starting to drag him along, all the while nattering about this househunting project. Immediately, Fei Liu’s hackles are raised and he launches at poor Mu, lifting him OFF THE GROUND AND OVER HIS HEAD WITH ONE HAND and just welcome back into my life, Fei Liu. And I hope the following exchange is as funny in the actual dialogue as it is in subs, but in the sub at least Su tells Fei Liu to “put him down quickly” and Fei Liu immediately gets ready to seemingly slam Mu into the ground, so Su has to immediately follow up with “put him down slowly,” which, ahaha. Fei Liu is grumpy, but Mu’s life is thus saved and he is not daunted at all, instead just being very impressed. To avoid further drama, Su agrees to look at some houses.

In the city streets, Xia Dong parts ways with the Boys. Jing Rui really tries hard to stay with her, because he’s so worried for her safety, bless him. Yu Jin intervenes and convinces his friend to come away, probably partially because he’s happy for an excuse to get away from Xia Dong, but based on the acting I’d say he’s also being his usual perceptive self and realizes that she wants them to leave her for a Reason. The Reason is that she’s being followed. I don’t recognize the face of the guy following her? I am guessing he is an Actual Character though, otherwise the camera wouldn’t have lingered so long.

Meanwhile, Prince Yu is breaking pottery because he’s throwing a tantrum. He’s finally found out that Xie Yu, aka the Marquis, is playing both sides of the political game, pretending to support only Yu while also secretly helping the Crown Prince. He’s in trouble.

Back to Mei Chang Su, he’s being led by a Mu who is so enthusiastic about the househunting, he’s actually bouncing up and down. HE’S SO CUTE. PROTECT HIM. His enthusiasm is explained when they turn a corner and: dun dun duuuuun there’s Ni Huang, looking stunning as usual. Oh, you clever boy, Mu. Look at him smiling at his ship. Ni Huang has a total “gotcha” face on, and Su’s expression just says “oh nooooo.” Outplayed by a kid, wow, Su.

In the next scene Mu has mysteriously vanished and our favourite doomed ship is walking together. She tries to thank him for saving her, he says it was his mistake that put her in danger to begin with, she counters that no man is infallible, and you can totally tell he’s thinking BUT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE. He warns her not to trust him, a man she has only met a few times, but she says she feels like she’s known him a long time and trusts he would never harm her intentionally. AHA. NI HUANG IS MAKING HER MOVE. He tries to jokingly put her off by saying wow he wishes other people felt that way, and immediately she’s like “Jing Yan is mad at you, isn’t he” which, LOL. She basically says Oh, you know how Jing is, he can’t keep his mouth shut, just ignore him, and Su neatly counters with “How could I know what Jing is like?” He walks away looking like a man who just scored a point, and yep, she’s totally trying to trap him. It’s a battle of minds, and ugh they’re so perfect for each other! Her smile and then slow thoughtful look when he makes that dodge, aaaahh.

We cut back to the Emperor where he’s all pissy because Ni Huang apparently effortlessly defeated all her suitors, so that whole subplot just died a quiet offscreen death, lol. Then she handed in a report to state her wrongdoing, he complains to his eunuch buddy, and ahahaha I love Ni Huang. The Emperor says that even though Ni Huang managed to avoid marriage yet again, she cannot be allowed to leave the capitol to go back to the battlefield like he’s let her before.

Ni Huang is still showing Su around a variety of houses. They look so cute walking togetherrrrr. But also he’s wearing his furs so they barely even cover his shoulders, and while that’s a nice aesthetic, that can’t really be helping against the cold at all. MCS, staaaahp. He tries to tell her he doesn’t want to bother her with this househunting nonsense, but she insists it’s no trouble and then suggests he go a certain way that he CLEARLY does not want to go. Immediately I was like oh nooooooo because I could just tell something awful was coming. Ni Huang, what have you done. They stare at each other for a long, long while, and it’s like she’s daring him to refuse, because that will prove his identity, and he knows that, but also he doesn’t wanna but in the end of course he has to follow her. He walks like he’s being led to the gallows or some similarly deadly place. And then she stops and behind her is an obviously huge but abandoned house, and I started screaming inside because I knew it I knew it Ni Huang whyyyyyyy why would you do this to us

Do you know what this place is? She asks. No, Su replies, carefully not looking at it. Ugh, my poor boy. She tells him this particular manor belonged to the Commander of the Blaze Army. I used to play here very often as a child, she tells him (My aside: NOOOOOOOOOOO), and then she invites him on a stroll inside its ruins. Oh, she’s being so mean. And he deserves it, for what he’s doing to her, but still. Mean. And she is watching him like a hawk.

After a beat Su manages to counter that surely they can’t just casually walk inside if it’s the former residence of traitors? Ni Huang tells him that it’s true this house should have technically been seized by the Emperor and so belongs to him, but the Emperor has ignored it all these years. He never did anything to it. He seems to be waiting, she says, her gaze lingering over those sad, empty walls. Perhaps one day it will just disappear.

No, I’m not crying. Or if I am, it’s because That Music is back and it’s not fair, I am powerless against That Music. It will forever be the Grandma Scene music to me, aka the moment this show revealed itself as the emotional hell it truly is.

And the double meaning of this entire conversation is just SO. GOOD:

MCS: Since it’s been dilapidated for years there probably isn’t any trace of its past splendor left. Why would Your Highness insist on reminding yourself of the past?

Ni Huang: People left. The house is empty. Things changed with the passing of the years. But it doesn’t mean that everything has vanished. (Turns to face MCS, and then:) Whatever remains still lingers. Some people, some matters, still stay deep in one’s mind. Time will not wipe away their traces.

MCS (looking like he’s gonna cry, let’s be real): Your Highness values friendship and loyalty greatly. However, this case still weighs heavily on the Imperial Court. It still remains in the limelight. I advise Your Highness not to linger around this place much longer.

And I’m both gleeful and utterly devastated about how GOOD this whole scene is, my gosh. Because yeah, suuuuuuure they’re just talking about the house. They aren’t talking about Lin Shu at ALLLLLLLL.

(Gah, I love this show.)

Ni Huang looks devastated. This whole conversation is so close to the surface, to them speaking plainly to each other, and yet she’s so stymied by how he refuses to reveal himself! You can tell she was hoping so, so much to finally get her answer here, and yet he’s still refusing to give her that answer she wants, the one she knows deep down is the truth. In response to his advice she walks up those old, broken steps, and looks DOWN on him (eeeeee this showwww), now plainly asking him to take a look inside.

(He doesn’t want to look inside, Ni Huang. He doesn’t want to see Lin Shu again, not when he has to be Mei Chang Su. He can’t want to take that look with you. Hi, I’m dead.)

Still refusing to look at the house, staring at the ground, he refuses once more, bows, and walks away. That blasted music, that glorious music, is still going because this show has no pity. AND THEN HE STARTS CRYING AND I’M LIKE NI HUANG DON’T JUST STAND THERE RUN AND CATCH UP AND STARE HIM IN THE FACE like it’d ruin the moment but you’d get your answers, dangitttt

And we flashback to him falling off that cliff again and then it cuts to a shot of Su walking away and in the foreground is a cobweb covering his image and ooh, artsy.

Next scene is Jing Rui and his brother (Xie Bi, or something like that? Augh, it’s been so long, I’m probably getting a lot of side character’s names wrong) and Jing Rui is trying to cheer his brother up because he’s just nice like that. Arguably the nicest. His brother is upset because after two years of his father telling him to work for Prince Yu, his father’s now told him to stop helping Yu because he actually supports the Crown Prince. He feels very used and unhappy. Jing Rui, meanwhile, is absolutely rattled, even horrorstruck. He thought his dad wasn’t into politics, remember? Yeah, so much for that. I have the horrible sinking feeling it’s just going to get worse for him from here.

Back at the Snow Cottage, Fei Liu is building a fire for his Su and it’s very adorable. I want so many more scenes of just these two, especially after reading the novel chapters that I did before I started venturing into spoiler territory and stopped (they’re so huggy in the novel, bless them). Su tells Fei Liu that he’s getting all this real estate mail, basically, and doesn’t that show that there are still nice people in the capitol? NOT AT ALL, says Fei Liu, and Su just smirks. These two. I love them. Su is the worst role model.

Su tells Fei Liu to take a look at a house called the Orchid Garden and if Fei Liu likes it, Su will buy it. The power this kid has. Suddenly Fei Liu senses someone and flies outside where he sees Xia Dong standing there! Fei Liu being Fei Liu and Xia Dong being Xia Dong, they immediately have a spectacular fight. Su shows up to stop it and shows that he knows Xia Dong is injured, and he asks what she’s doing there.

Back at the palace, the Bickering Brothers are at it again. The best part is where Yu shakes his finger in the Crown Prince’s face and the Crown Prince makes this angry little squeaky sound and bats it away, ahahahaha. These actors are superb, as I keep saying (because they keep impressing me in scene after scene). Yu tries to be like Hey, why aren’t you secluded and studying like you’re supposed to be doing, since you’re being punished for Ni Huang and all, but the Crown Prince retorts that he wasn’t banned from court affairs, and are you implying you want me out of court for good???? SHUT UP, says the Emperor. He has less and less patience with each scene they share, lol. He tells them he knows they are squabbling because they each want to judge over the Duke of Qing’s case. Remember him? Yeah. The Emperor tells them he can’t pick either of them because Yu of course would let the Duke get away with any crime (the Duke is his powerful ally, remember!) and the Crown Prince would use any excuse to destroy the Duke’s entire family and thereby eliminate a powerful foe. “Father”, they both try, and SHUT UP, he cuts them off. Man, I’m almost liking the Emperor again.

Xia Dong meanwhile is in audience with Su. She tells him she’s just been curious about him, as he’s the talk of the town and seemingly has many faces. She’s worried. What about? Ni Huang.

(Augh, says Su’s face, Why is it always Ni Huang)

Why on earth are you worried about Ni Huang? She’s a powerful military leader and all, he says. Xia Dong says the rumor is Ni Huang defied the Emperor and refused marriage because of Mei Chang Su. OHO IS THAT THE RUMOR? Nice. Su says they’re just friends, he’s not trying to court Ni Huang. Xia Dong is not appeased, and directly asks: Does he only want friendship? Su thinks a moment, then says well, he has to admit Ni Huang is radiant (oh, you) and of course he can’t help but admire her, but also he’s sick, he’s not long for the world, he has deliberately remained unmarried so as not to burden anyone.

Her Highness has always been quite clear-minded, he says. She’s like a light breeze and a bright moon. Who would be good enough for her if not a man of great passion and outstanding ambition?

Uh, Mei Chang Su? Your Lin Shu is showing again. Xia Dong looks a little taken aback.

The Emperor is complaining to his eunuch friend again but this time our mustached fave General Meng is there too! Yay! The Emperor is angry that his sons continue to squabble so immaturely even though the Duke of Qing’s case is a matter of national importance. Meng reminds him that be that as it may, a prince still needs to be in charge of any investigation and trial. Hmmmmmmm, I sense Su’s hand in this …

Yep, the Emperor suddenly brightens. Oh yeah, he says, a prince does have to preside over the case but it doesn’t have to be one of those two! Isn’t Jing Yan still around? He’s so stubborn, he’d be perfect! Cool, let’s put Jing in charge! He walks off feeling delighted with himself. I am once again left in awe of Su and his manipulation skills. I’m assuming this is the first step of a long game to make Jing gain favor in the palace.

Xia Dong meanwhile brings up the time Su helped Ni Huang defeat those enemies a few years back. She asks why he bothered since his land wasn’t particularly nearby? He gets all mad and offended that she apparently feels the need to question why he would help defend his country, and she backs off. I can’t decide how much of that anger was just show; I think that he really was upset by that implication. Xia Dong leaves with a good opinion of Su, which is good because if I remember aright she hates Jing for his support for Lin Shu’s family, so if she knew who Su really was? Yeahhhhh, big trouble would follow. Also she’s a master spy, so way to dodge a bullet there, Su. For now, anyway.

Outside, the Marquis is hiding and spying himself, but Xia Dong calls him out and his awkward popping out from behind that doorframe was very funny. She basically tells him she knows all about his political gaming and how he set up the whole Duke of Qing thing but also she is not going to tell on him. She says she will keep his secret because her husband, Nie Feng, died during that Blaze Army rebellion and it was the Marqius who brought “half his corpse” home to her. Thus, she feels like she owes him. Oh, eww. Also we know Lin Shu’s dad was NOT a traitor and it was all a set up, so what are the odds that the Marquis was also the one who was responsible for turning her husband into half a corpse? Pretty freaking high, I’d say.

She seems angered that the Marquis has clearly forgotten that massive favor he did her, so she tells him in keeping his secret she considers her debt paid and they are now even. Then she just walks off, cool as you like, leaving behind a very worried-looking Marquis.

Cut to: Mei Chang Su, back in his inefficient furs and out on the town with the Good Boys! Actually they’re in the courtyard of a horrible old dump of a house. For a second I was like wait did he buy his family’s old house because surely the Emperor would put a stop to that? But no, it seems like this is the Orchid Garden place he mentioned to Fei Liu earlier. Yu Jin is hilariously disapproving, hands on hips and everything, and chides Su for being a fool for buying the place without seeing it first. Su says Fei Liu liked it, though! Cue Fei Liu literally flying overhead, looking very pleased with himself. Yu Jin is not impressed. Su indulges in a little trollface.

The three walk through the manor together, and Yu Jin starts being like, well, the layout is okay I guess, we can fix it up into a livable place I guess, but yeah it does look amazingly overgrown. But then Yu Jin suddenly disappears into the ground, so apparently there’s big ol’ holes in the property, too? What are you playing at, Mei Chang Su.

Jing Rui dashes over to help his friend, and pulls him out of what is actually a dried up well. Yu Jin comments that it’s lucky he’s so skilled and so was able to catch onto the lip of the well to avoid falling all the way in, and Jing Rui agrees. If it had been Su, he says, the poor strategist would have fallen all the way to the bottom. Which, ouch. I mean, that might be true, I don’t know if Su’s frailty is all 100% genuine (I’d say it’s at least 70% genuine) or if he still has the sort of reflexes a warrior would, but obviously we are supposed to assume that in his happy youth before all the bad stuff happened he would have had no problem with avoiding a fall down a dry well. Anyway, the boys clown a bit and Fei Liu shows up. Yu Jin complains that the manor is creepy and suggests they leave. As they walk, however, Yu Jin realizes that he’s missing some pendant or something that belonged to his grandfather and is really important to him. Could it have fallen down the well? Su asks innocently. Instantly I’m convinced Su snuck it off of Yu Jin and threw it in the well himself, lol. They go back to look.

Then we cut to the Red Sleeves Brothel? A girl named Gong Yu is at a window. An old man doesn’t want her at the window. His name is Shisan? Okay. She was apparently watching Qin Bao Ruo, who I remember being the name of Yu’s strategist. Said strategist is off to the palace again, apparently—he’s got a lot of problems that need a sound strategical approach right now. Gong Yu says she’s worried about Su. Shisan says not to worry, as this was all foreseen by Su. Ok, so they are in on Su’s plans, that’s interesting. Why do they know, what’s their deal.

Gong Yu wants to know if she can visit Su in the capitol. Shisan says he sent word to Su asking for permission, and Su says no, she is not to visit. She seems a little stalkerish, and I want her to back off.

Back at Su’s horrible new house, the boys are being adorable again and I love their friendship so much, I love how much Yu Jin gets Jing Rui to lighten up. Jing Rui elects to search the bottom of the well for Yu Jin’s pendant, because he is a Best Friend. And I KNOW this is just a show but it still causes me physical pain to watch him ruin those gorgeous clothes in that mud, lol

Anyway they lower Jing Rui down on a rope and Su watches looking very worried or intent at least and that’s not a great sign. What’s he playing at. This is a rare chance for you to please me, Yu Jin calls down, So try harder! Jing Rui replies with a threat to smear mud all over his face once he’s back up, these bros. Jing Rui finds the token, is all ready to leave, but then he steps on something that cracks and when he looks down:

It’s a human skull.

I was sooooooo not expecting that. Su totally was though, and I want to be mad at him for putting Jing Rui through that but also like imagine if Jing Rui hadn’t noticed while he was down there, what would Su have done? Stolen Jing Rui’s hair pin and tossed down and been like whoops, you must have lost it when you were looking for Yu Jin’s thing?

Jing Rui is horrified, but he refuses to leave until he investigates further, and yeah: THERE’S MORE SKULLS. LOTS MORE. Well, I guess we have our next chapter of the story. From a marriage tournament to a serial killer well. That’s not a great sign of where this show is taking us, lol

Cut to the Crown Prince, he’s asking the Marquis whether or not he thinks Jing could be persuaded to be lenient on the Duke since he owes Yu for that whole Ni Huang thing. The Marquis says nah, Jing isn’t so easily swayed, you’re fine. Then he also says, speaking of the Ni Huang debacle, he’s heard who was responsible for the whole set up and how things went so badly for the Crown Prince. It wasn’t Prince Yu: It was Mei Chang Su.

Well, that’s not a positive development.

Cut to a shot of seemingly endless skeletons lying unearthed beside the well, just to really drive home this ominous turn. All these officials, who I guess are the equivalent of homicide detectives, lol, are busy at the well. Yu Jin asks one how many skeletons have been found, and the guy says seven so far, and all are female. This has suddenly turned into CSI: Fantasy Ancient China. This is apparently the biggest and most shocking case he’s ever had. Su innocently says well, he can’t really help since this was his first visit to the property (ahaaaa so that’s why he sent Fei Liu!). He leaves to go back to the Snow Cottage.

Speaking of the Snow Cottage, the Marquis is back in his manor talking to a man who I thiiiiiink is Jing Rui’s other dad? Anyway he says the Crown Prince has ordered they kill Mei Chang Su. The guy may be a Divine Talent, but if he’s not on their side then they have to take him out of the equation. But he’s leader of the East Yangtze Alliance, protests the other guy (Zhuo, it turns out, is his name): he’s surrounded by pugilists! I can’t attack him! Yeah, I know, says the Marquis. Just find out if Fei Liu is his only bodyguard or not, and I’ll take care of the rest.

This should be a very ominous ending, but I’ve seen Fei Liu in action. I think Mei Chang Su is going to be juuuuust fine. Plus he knows the Marquis is the worst; surely has a contingency plan.

And that’s the end! I sit through the entire ending song because it’s been too long, dangit, (and also HEY THERE’S JING YAN I missed my fave this episode) and then I realize that it’s 3am and I have to be at work at 5am.

Worth it.

#badpoet watches nif #nirvana in fire #nif ep7

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infinites-chaser · 7 years

Text

So that she won’t forget

"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences."- Emery Allen

The handkerchief is Ji Mong's.

Go Ha Jin barely notices it through her tears, but the proffered hand lingers next to her shoulder, and she finally turns, hoping for a miracle. She isn't sure what she expects to see: her Fourth Prince in full Goreyo regalia? It's an absurd idea, really, but no less absurd than a modern woman traveling back in time hundreds of years, by drowning, no less, so she harbors some secret hope.

However, her expectant eyes meet the half-sheepish, half-sympathetic eyes of Ji Mong. Once a homeless man, sharing her pains next to a fateful lake, then a Court Astronomer, giving her advice in the little ways he could, and now a makeup mogul, of all people. Ha Jin knows he of all people (a fellow time-traveler!) should know and understand her pain, but it doesn't stop her face from falling when she sees him.

He smiles sadly, a silent apology for not being her prince, and gestures for her to take the handkerchief.

After her tears are dried and Ha Jin feels as if she can finally think rationally, they talk about Goreyo and time-traveling over quiet cups of tea. Ji Mong skillfully dances around the topic of 'him', and after an awkward pause and a shared faked laugh, she avoids the topic of Crown Prince Mu.

Ha Jin remembers his tears of anguish after King Hyejong's murder and silently berates herself. She was not the only one to have loved and lost in that time. And even though the gentle King died many years before her own (Hae Soo's) death, time didn't heal all wounds. Ji Mong, with his too-bright smiles is proof of that, as is her reflection in the window with its tear-stained eyes and twice-broken heart. But they are together now, sharing the burdens of their sorrows even as they shy away from them, and this, to her, is comfort, if not a solution.

'A solution....' the words tease her hopeful heart, and she looks up from her nearly empty tea cup, meeting Ji Mong's gaze with renewed energy. He is the time-traveling master, after all, a title she created for her in lighter times, and he must have some solution to bring those lighter times back. She says as much aloud, leaving out the part about him being a time-traveling master.

"If I'd know some way to go back, or even bring him- them- here, I would have," he replies somberly, shaking his head. Ha Jin slumps back in her chair, the last dregs of her tea sloshing in time to her movement. The tea is a feeble relic of her past life, and now is the only familiar link between her time and his. Its scent, a comfort only seconds before, now stings her eyes with pricks that reach her heart.

'I will not cry,' she tells herself, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, tightening her grip on her teacup.

"So there's no hope at all?" Ha Jin asks at last. Ji Mong, who has been silently watching her reaction, nods slowly. A minute passes as he seems to struggle for words.

"In a way, you're right. There's no way right now to do anything. We can't change history, can't go back in time again. But just because we can't now, you know, doesn't mean we can't find another way sometime." He leans forward, carefully patting her on the shoulder.

"You have a new life now, Lady Hae Soo. You should act a little more grateful about it, you know. Don't worry so much. Just don't give up!"

With those last words of encouragement, he smiles sadly and excuses himself, leaving Ha Jin alone with her sadness. Her memories.

'Don't run away.' Her prince’s voice echoes through her mind, and she exhales. He's right. They're both right.

Just like that time so long ago, when she had been forced into the palace, she has been dealt a new hand in life by the universe, and it is up to her to figure out what she can do with them. It's useless to be hung up on a miracle that will never happen, after all. Go Ha Jin's life has been given back to her, by some strange twist of fate, and it would be a an insult to Hae Soo's memory, to Court Lady Oh and Myung Hee Unnie if Ha Jin spends the rest of her original life caught up in the past. She will move forward, if not onward.

Six months pass in the blink of an eye as Ha Jin adapts to the world she used to call her own. Hae Soo begins to fade, her memory failing her as Ha Jin tries to forget. She tries to live a normal life, for the people she left behind in Goreyo and the people here in the modern world she has been reunited with. At first, it seems as if she can do it. She can live on for them, and let both pasts mix freely.

Once, a bottle of nail polish falls to the ground and breaks, earning Ha Jin a shard of glass in her thumb and a scolding from her boss. She absorbs the stern words silently, bowing her head where she would have previously snapped back. After all, there’s kindness in her boss’ eyes, and the gently chiding words feel a little like home. And as she scrubs the red stain into a pale shade of pink, she can acutely feel the change inside of her between Ha Jin before and after Hae Soo. Just like the white tile floor that will now forever bear the stain of the nail polish, her heart is permanently marked by all the hearts she managed to touch as Hae Soo.

The change of course, is small. It shows itself in the littlest of things: a certain reverence she now shows towards her parents, a loving smile she gives her younger brother, the now easy acceptance of chores she used to complain about, and a strange, but marked refusal of her friends' attempts to set her up on blind dates. Her parents attribute the change to her coma and think of it as her maturing late. Her friends, knowing somewhat better, attribute the change to the betrayal of her best friend and boyfriend, and think of it as her strong recovery. Her brother doesn't think much of it, too young and previously too distant to mark a distinct change in his older sister's personality.

Instead, he takes it as an opportunity to become closer to who he now calls ‘Super Reliable Ha Jin-noona’, a nickname she smiles at with a slight twinge in her chest. He's all playful grins and awkward edges, like a younger her in some ways, and as she ruffles his hair, dodging his swat, she thinks if she had let herself, perhaps Eun would have been easy to love. Not that she loves her brother like that, of course, but it is in his pranks and easy smiles, his world full of video games, that she thinks she finally sees what Lady Soon Deok saw in Eun’s carefree, bratty spirit.

It’s innocence. A bright, happy innocence that envelops him, and she wishes she hadn’t missed it before, but now that she sees it, she hopes it will never fade.

After she’d woken up, Ha Jin had heard whispers about them, the two she once wanted to forget: her old best friend and her ex. She still wants to forget them, or at least how their relationships with her ended so terribly. But it’s still the same Seoul, even two years and six months after her accident and she meets them again. It's almost laughable to her how seeing each of them still causes some small twinge in her chest. Her first love, and her first lost. The pain is still there, despite her days of despair and epic burning passion in Goreyo. After all, she never really forgot them, just as she will never forget him. Even epic love cannot erase the scars of first heartbreak.

One day, the chimes on the entrance to the makeup salon jangle (for some reason, the sound is harsh and discordant to her ears), and in steps the young woman Ha Jin wanted to see least, whether before, after, or during her time as Hae Soo. It's by coincidence, or perhaps it is the universe’s way of shaking its head at her, sighing, and giving her another chance, yet again, after she was so quick to give up on everything after she was first betrayed.

Either way, a slow, sinking feeling settles in the pit of her stomach, and the ever-present ache in her heart intensifies as their eyes meet and widen. Ha Jin’s brush clatters to the floor for all the wrong reasons, and she nearly takes a step back into the shelves. The other makeup girl looks at the two of them, eyes wide, but Ha Jin reassures her with a small, tight nod of her head. She has to do this.

Ha Jin braces herself, mentally and physically, for the insults to come, the blows to be rained upon her face, but they don’t come. Instead, she blinks, and her old friend’s eyes, So Hyun’s eyes are filling with tears.

“Ha Jin. Go Ha Jin. You are her, aren’t you?” She asks, trembling.

Ha Jin has had her fill of abuses slung at her by the ones she once loved, whichever world or body she’s in, and is always ready to counter it (she’s a twenty-first century woman after all, though that’s not quite right anymore), but she still is unused to apologies. So when So Hyun breaks down in front of her, Ha Jin’s not-quite-so-closed-off heart breaks for her, for the friendship they had.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry, Ha Jin," she sobs, and Ha Jin's heart breaks a little more as she remembers Chae Ryung, another little sister who she'd lost to betrayal for another man, always a man who didn’t deserve them or their unyielding love. She wonders if all the best friends in all of her lives will be separated from her by men, and the thought is almost enough to break her. Almost. And yet, she remembers the happy times, times of smiles, laughter, and shared secrets, and this time, she decides (on a heart still regretting past decisions) the laughter is worth the pain; she can bear the betrayal once again if it means she can see her friend smile again someday.

In between sniffles, tissues, and more tears (from the both of them), So Hyun tells her everything. She’d heard about Ha Jin saving the young boy, going into a coma for him, and that had been the last straw for her in her already-deteriorating relationship with their now-common ex.

“He didn’t care at all,” So Hyun repeats as Ha Jin hollowly stares. “Even when I told him it was all our fault, and that we should at least go to visit you in the hospital.”

The younger woman looks up at Ha Jin, and smiles through her tears, a fire in her eyes.

“He didn’t care at all, so I dumped him.”

And the venom in her voice is enough to give Ha Jin the courage to reach out and hug her, laughing through tears over the other girl’s shoulder.

‘It’s alright. Everything will be alright.’

Ha Jin whispers the words for both of them, but mostly for herself, and she hopes that somewhere, a serving girl turned court lady is smiling brightly down at them, for the second chance Hae Soo gave So Hyun that she never had the chance to be given.

‘It’s alright, it’s alright. I forgive you.’

Her boss scolds her, telling both younger women that the makeup store is no therapy clinic, but there’s a smile on her face that softens her sharp words and smoothens her frown lines. The next time So Hyun timidly pokes her head through the store’s entrance, she is taken by the hand by the older woman and led over, quietly, but firmly, to Ha Jin’s station. There’s a warning in her cool grey eyes that So Hyun nods nervously to: Don’t hurt her again.

It’s a broken friendship, perhaps on the mend now. Somehow she feels the words of comfort she spoke will come true. It will be alright in the end.

Meeting her ex is far less easy.

This time it is pouring rain outside, and she loses the sound of the chimes amidst a clap of thunder. When she's flinched back a suitable distance, and opens her eyes, once again Ha Jin's makeup brush falls out of her hands, this time, most definitely for all the wrong reasons. Perhaps the thunder and rain is the universe's way of reminding her, none-too-kindly, that it is time to firmly close her heart to another unfaithful man, though he’s unfaithful in a different way from the prince who abandoned her. She doesn't need the universe's prodding to meet his wide-eyed, near horrified stare with a cool glare, taken straight from her boss’ lectures. So Hyun’s spite-filled words and tears fill Ha Jin’s heart and fuel her as she draws herself up under his stare.

“H-Ha Jin-ah,” he stammers after a second of silence (it's only awkward for him), a hundred emotions flying across his face before he finally settles on a properly remorseful expression.

“Out,” she says crisply, before he says another word, all of the feelings she never laid bare to the Eighth Prince poured into that single word.

'You left me.’

'You promised you’d never hurt me.’

‘You said you loved me, but it was all too easy for you to throw that love away.’

The shock drains from her ex’s face, making way for a flood of rage, but she's already turning away from him, like she should have turned away from the Eighth Prince after he left her to die. It's almost shocking how similar the two are, now that she thinks about it.

He's shouting behind her now, words that she's sure she'd fallen for before with the Eighth Prince, but she's done, done with them both, and a reckless thought drifts across her mind, that the next man to disturb their makeup haven had better be him and no one else, but she quickly pushes it down as she makes her way to the back room. The other employees, her boss (really, Ha Jin should be calling her Ms. Jang by now), and So Hyun form a warm, comforting wall at her back, and she can hear him spluttering in rage as he is firmly escorted from the store by a woman of all people. Ha Jin almost laughs as she sneaks a glance over her shoulder to see her boss giving him the sternest talking-to she's ever seen.

It isn't until she makes it to the quiet safety of her home that she finally breaks down and cries- for everything she's lost, for everything she couldn't see the first time. As much as she hates him, she knows, just like last time, throwing away her feelings for the Eighth Prince (this time, it's final, she swears) is what allows her to finally realize what she’s been missing this whole time.

That night, wrapped in her blanket, sobbing and wishing for stars and the warmth of someone long gone, Ha Jin begins to dream. The memories engulf her, filling her with one sharp, painful desire: she wants to see him, no, she needs to see him. She needs him.

Everything crescendos to one clear resounding note: she cannot turn away from the time she lived as Hae Soo. She cannot turn away from the truth of him.

Ha Jin dreams. Memories run rampant through her brain, and the emptiness she’d been shoving down and away is finally given a face, a name. His name.

In her dreams, she meets him again, or she never died, or she traveled back to find him, but whatever the circumstances, they’re together, they’re happy (it makes her think that in every universe but this one they’re destined for a happy ending, because if they were to have a happy ending here, wouldn’t it already have happened?). Her nightmares aren’t as frequent, and she’s not sure which are the real nightmares (she wakes up crying either way, and her ‘dreams’ hurt her heart more, for what could have been), but in the ones she calls nightmares, his face is accusatory, disbelieving; the last argument they had playing over and over again. His mouth moves, but all she can hear is the hollow words of her letter to him, sent in a world where they’d never reconciled, but at least she’d had hope. Here, all she has is her memories of happiness, and the bitter taste of lost love.

No, that’s wrong. Here, she has friends, family, her job and her coworkers, all of which she isn’t sure she wants to lose again. But she’s selfish, oh so selfish, and though she’s made herself a new cake here, she’d rather have two, her future and him, no ‘or’ involved.

She had thought she was moving on, able to remember the past with a sad smile, to live on, but she can't. Hae Soo had come to terms with her fate, resignedly determined to forget it all, the smiles, heartbreak, and pain. However, Ha Jin finds she can't let her past go. She can't let him go. Not again. She'd been wrong. To love and lose that love was better than never knowing him at all, never loving him at all.

"I don't want to forget you," she says into the night, words come too slow, too late. They cannot bring her back in time to be with him again. They cannot erase the mistakes of the past. If only she had a second chance.

In the darkness, in the small space between dreams, she begins to build a prayer tower of her own, of memories, broken promises, and wishes. She lays down each stone carefully in her mind's eye, each hope and foolish thought forming a single prayer.

'Bring him back to me, as more than a memory, as more than a dream.'

Every night, she adds a new wish to her shrine to him, and she waits there, clutching memories of an expectant heart, a bright day, and his pin close to her chest, reliving a bittersweet moment before being pulled into the crush of her world of dreams. It’s not as if she expects anything to ever happen, but she can’t help but try, nursing the desperate flame of hope in her chest.

Weeks burn into months, and life goes on, as normal as it can be for Ha Jin, whose dark circles and tired smiles raise questions from everyone: her friends, her parents, Ms. Jang, and even her normally oblivious little brother. She fends them off until their persistent worrying dies down into concerned looks and the occasional gifts of vitamins, nutritional snacks, and energy drinks. She’s selfish, selfish and greedy, she thinks, because even with their love, she feels she doesn’t have enough. She lets their love slip through her fingers as she grasps for the long-lost, the unattainable, and the stability of the life she carved for herself in the twenty-first century wavers.

As the third month of waiting crumbles into ash (she wonders, is this what he felt when she left him?) she finds she can no longer successfully cover up her dark circles with makeup, which for her, is an achievement, she supposes. Her parents see, like they see everything, and after conferring with Ms. Jang (Ha Jin feels betrayed as she sees the three of them talking, they’ve been conspiring against her), they tell her that they’ve decided to send her to a psychiatrist. She should be surprised. It’s uncommon, and for them all to decide it, even her traditional father, her condition must be serious.

Ha Jin pouts to her friends, but she knows that behind their sympathetic smiles and comforting hugs, they agree with the decision. That alone would have been enough to change her mind, but she’s not trying to fight, she pouts only because she thinks it is the normal thing to do. She goes without much complaint.

She’s waiting in the lobby when she sees Ji Mong again, his nose in a book. After her gaze remains on him for a second longer than a gaze of a stranger’s would, he looks up.

“Lady Hae Soo,” he says, and there’s an ironic twist to his mouth. He takes in her appearance, or rather, her lack of care for her appearance, and nods. He knows. He understands. So she takes a seat next to him. He casts an unreadable glance at her, and puts down his book.

“It doesn’t get easier,” he says without preamble. “It never does.”

“Then what do we do?”

“We try. Try our best to move on.”

“But what if the best isn’t enough?” Her voice is a near whisper, but loud enough that Ji Mong can hear the quiet despair in it. He shakes his head (he always seems to be shaking his head around her), and rests a hand on her shoulder. It isn’t much, but it’s the best comfort he can give her, this time-travelling woman who’s lost too much in only two lifetimes. He wishes he could say more, say something positive, but a bright-eyed young man has poked his head out and is calling her name, and all he can do is say a final word of advice as she disappears into the psychiatrist’s office.

“Don’t look for a miracle that won’t happen!” he calls after her, but from the resolute set of her shoulders, he knows she won’t listen. Ji Mong sighs, shaking his head again, and picking up his book once more.

Behind its well-worn pages, he risks a smile. ‘If it’s them, maybe a miracle will happen,’ he thinks, glancing up at the office’s sign. The psychiatrist’s name is Myung Hee.

She follows the man down the softly lit hallway, and finds, even with Ji Mong’s pessimistic words, she can breathe easily here. The nurse, introducing himself as Joon Hyung, part-time psychology grad student, part time musician, has a carefree smile and an easy laugh. It’s almost enough for her to regret her restless dreams, her fixation on an unchangeable past and to make her want to check a mirror for the first time in weeks. Almost. As they chatter together, waiting for the psychiatrist, she sees a part of herself reflected in him, in the way his eyes darken when she prods him to tell her more about his crush (somehow, the conversation turned to that, but she’s not sure how). All he says is, ‘she’s the reason I’m here,’ and like that, their conversation is over.

She is saved from an awkward, silence-breaking comment by the door opening. At the sound, his eyes swing to the woman framed in the doorway, and Ha Jin understands. She knows what it’s like to love someone you can never be with, and she’s about to offer to take him out for a drink later when her psychiatrist introduces herself.

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Go Ha Jin. I’m Dr. Kim Myung Hee.”

Ha Jin breaks down and tells her everything. Well, almost everything, excluding the parts where she time traveled, because that seems to be too crazy, even for a psychiatrist. Dr. Myung Hee listens calmly, a thoughtful look on her face while Joon Hyung quietly moves in and out of the room. After a long pause, she speaks, and it’s no miracle, despite the fact that the psychiatrist herself is living, breathing proof of a miracle.

She prescribes patience, patience and sleep pills, and Ha Jin wants to leap from her seat and shake her until answers fall from her lips, but it’s her cousin, it’s Unnie, even if the older woman doesn’t know, doesn’t remember. Instead, she smiles politely, standing to leave. She thanks the psychiatrist, silently cursing the gods and Ji Mong for getting her hopes up. It’s useless. A miracle will never come.

But as she picks up her purse, the other woman stops her, pressing something small and thin into her palm.

It’s a hairpin.

No, it’s solid hope itself. Before Ha Jin can say another word (she’s frozen, staring at the older woman in shock), she’s ushered out into the lobby. Ji Mong is gone, but she barely notices. The taxi ride back is a shell-shocked daze, and she barely remembers opening the door to her own apartment.

Only after pulling out an instant ramen packet does she realize it’s late, past nine, and somewhere along the line, she’d already eaten. Shrugging slightly, she pushes her bangs out of tired eyes and falls into the comfort of her bed, still clutching the hairpin.

Back in her world of dreams, slowly, she places the last stone on her tower. It’s the last night, the last time, she promises herself. Tomorrow, she’ll give up on her hopeless dream in order to live on. But, tonight she still wants to try one last time, wait one last night.

She’d loved him. He’d loved her. But she’d never said it. They had been happy. But she’d left, even if she’d never even thought about beginning to hate, and he had ended up all alone, more broken than he had started.

And with those memories fresh in her mind, the pain of their ending (no, parting, she can’t let herself believe their end is like that) ripping through her heart, she makes one last selfish wish. She wishes Gwangjong alive again.

The pouring rain lessens to a drizzle as Ha Jin steps out of the makeup store, umbrella in hand. For a second she lingers in the doorway, pushing down the now-familiar rush of emotions the rain brings. Then she’s off with a shake of her head, a quick wave at the worried frown of Ms. Jang.

Her umbrella swings lightly from a strap on her wrist, and she glances down at it at a stoplight. Gifted to her by So Hyun, it’s a light cream shade, pale pink outlines of flowers traced onto it. They’re supposed to be peonies, So Hyun had said, watching Ha Jin expectantly. Do you like it?

Ha Jin’s smile had frozen on her face, turning to a cheerful mask as her heart had wrenched. Perhaps it had been a sign from the universe.

Perhaps it is now, when the umbrella flies off her wrist and forward, rolling to a stop across the street, miraculously untouched by the passing traffic. She squints, and through the gaps between speeding cars, she sees, beside the umbrella’s unopened bud, a pair of black shoes. Feet.

The body accompanying the feet stoops to retrieve the fallen umbrella.

The light of the crosswalk turns green, and suddenly, time starts again. Ha Jin lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

The crowd flows past her onto the wet asphalt, but she’s frozen on the curb, even as fat drops of rain begin to fall once again. Among the field of suddenly bloomed flowers, she sees her peony umbrella, standing tall and proud as it moves through the crush of people, towards her.

A single figure stands on the pavement before her, face obscured by the two umbrellas he carries.

It’s already ‘he’ in her mind. It has to be him.

She covers her eyes. She can’t bear to look, to be disappointed again, again, but this is the moment she’s been waiting for, the second chance she’s been hoping for. Slowly, slowly she lowers her hands as he closes his own umbrella (it’s understated, a simple black with silver lining).

Look at me. Don’t pass me by like this.

Their eyes meet, and they stand there for an eternity of ragged breathing, eyes roving, taking in each other’s souls. As always, you’re beautiful, she tries to say, but the words come out as a loud, jagged sob, and tears begin to slide down her rain-slick cheeks. A larger, more fragile question lodges itself in the most painful crevasse of her heart, and more sobs follow the first.

‘She left him. He shouldn’t love her,‘ she thinks.

The sound of her sobs jolts him awake as if he were dreaming with eyes open, because in all of his dreams, he’s the one who’s first to cry, the first to break down and confess to her all over again, even if it’s a nightmare, and she doesn’t remember him. But she’s here in front of him, and it’s real, it’s real.

If it’s a dream, he doesn’t ever want to wake up.

He tries a step forward, and stumbles, the peony umbrella falling from numb fingers.

A single name drops from his lips, almost instinctively.

“Soo-yah.”

A thousand feelings, a thousand questions are bundled into that name (her name), but Ha Jin is lost in him, she’s a comet tugged back into orbit as she passes across the sun, the tide pulling away from familiarity when the moon is on high.

He’s known, yet unknown to her. Familiar, safe, yet untried, untouched.

It doesn’t stop her from moving towards him, and she’s so caught up in the moment, in everything about him- the sweep of carefully styled black hair over a single eye, the speckles of rain dotting his suit, something she’d never dreamed of seeing him wear (it’s a lie, she has: she’s imagined this scene a thousand times over in her head but seeing it with her own two eyes is almost enough to make her heart burst with emotion)- that she doesn’t notice him moving towards her as well, until they’re in each other’s arms, his heart against hers, his warmth enveloping her.

She kisses him first, an apology, an ‘I love you,’ and one last prayer all wrapped into the gentle, hesitant touch of her lips to his.

Do you still love me? Look into my eyes and tell me, please.

His fingers tangle in her hair, and she almost opens her eyes to look at him questioningly, but she feels the cool caress of his thumb across her cheek, and then his lips press warm against hers, in answer (but it’s not like he needed to answer to begin with, because they both know; he’s here, she’s here, and that is answer enough for them both).

I…love you.

She gasps against his mouth, and he feels more hot tears burn across his palms, but he's helpless to stop them, because he's crying too. She says something over and over through her tears, and his ears barely pick it up through the sound of their heartbeats. "You're here," she whispers. "You're here." He can't reply. His heart, swelling with emotions he forgot he had, chokes him up. "Soo-yah," he manages before embracing her again, burying his face in her hair as sobs overtake him.

She smiles softly down at his sleeping form, running her fingers through his hair, tracing constellations on his head as if the stars could light his future brightly enough that the shadows of his past would fade. He pulls her closer, murmuring a quiet 'Soo-yah,' into her hair, and she smiles, resting her head on his chest. Her wish was granted. It would be foolish of her to question it. It doesn't matter how or why he's here with her. He's here now, they're together, and the thought alone is enough to make everything alright. Apologies, explanations, and forgiveness will come soon. For now, she is content to lie next to him, feeling his warmth, hearing his heartbeat intertwine with hers. Perhaps the universe had fought against fate for them so that their souls would finally be together. Ha Jin likes to think it did. Casting a fond look at the hairpin on her nightstand, she smiles. Or perhaps it was her. As she closes her eyes next to him, she sends a silent 'thank you' to the stars.

#moon lovers #shrweek #SoSoo anniversary lol #omg something other than a reblog #fanfic #mine

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