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ghostlythunderbird · 2 years

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The Pack ~ First Impressions

Pairings: Alpha!Konig, Alpha!Simon “Ghost” Riley, Alpha!Keegan P. Russ X Omega!Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Minors/Ageless Blogs DNI, Omegaverse, Mentions of Human Trafficking and Domestic Violence, Extremist views, The UN exists here

Words: 2,784 (wow I wrote all that?!?!)

Author’s Notes: Please do not repost, edit, or translate my work. This blog and all content will be marked 18+ even if there is no NSFW content, if you are underage or have no age I don't want to deal with you. This is my first ever series so it will be updated whenever I can, due to my difficult work schedule. But please sit back and enjoy this series! Special thanks to @l-lend, @kelpiesummer, and @photogirl894 for all the help!

“Breaking News: Omega populations continue to fall.”

With recent all-time highs of Omega trafficking and high numbers of Domestic Abuse against Omegas worldwide, Omega birth rates are dwindling by the thousands in the last few years. While Omega numbers fall, other secondary gender numbers have begun to rise, with Beta birthrates rising to a staggering 84% over the last 5 years. Are omegas in danger of dying out?~

“The fall of the Omega second gender; A modern extinction?”

Over the last decade, the number of omegas of age has drastically fallen. Omegas were once considered roughly 20% of the world population and contributed to approximately 70% of birthrates worldwide; their current population barely comes to 7% across the globe, and their birthrates are almost non-existent. Could this result from unregulated access to this world bearing second gender? Will the UN seek to restabilize their population, or will omegas be at the mercy of those around them?

What had become of the world before you were born? It was a nearly lawless land, people turning on one another. The fight for breeding rights or access to an omega led Alphas into utter madness, their biology overriding common sense. Your Dam had told you stories of her childhood, how she saw the fall of an entire second gender. How awful the world indeed became, and how it rose from those ashes carrying new hope and protection to those who seek it. She remembered how fearful her Sire and Dam were during those years, but that was before new laws were established. New laws ensured the ability to return Omegas to their higher numbers to provide their protection.

During the years of the Modern Extinction, the UN scrambled to place laws worldwide to protect and nurture omega numbers. However, many early regulations did nothing to buffer the steady decline. It wasn't until an organization was formed: The Global Omega Protection and Population Program (GOPPP) was introduced. The Program had only a few essential purposes, to Pair off omegas to ensure total protection; to free and rehabilitate omegas who were victims of Trafficking and Domestic Violence. And finally, it is a form of Breeding operation to help nurture omega populations to where they were years before. Omegas who had become legal adults would be admitted to the Program to soon be matched with compatible Alphas.

The only downside to this Program was many omegas were often treated as broodmares and were often left emotionally neglected. Reduced to their primary duties of bearing Alpha and Omega children with occasional betas to be their legacy. Omegas were unable to work, much less be able to leave their dens without an Alpha to accompany them. While many Alphas believe it would be better for their mates to be allowed to do certain things without them around, the Program often overlooked their words. Over time, however, newer generations believed these precautions were beyond necessary and soon revised or added new laws to accompany them. Their latest law is; Omegas who are in public must wear protective full-length collars even with their Alphas present.

Those laws were added when you were just a pup and still living simply, unknowing of the world around you. Soon you were forced to acknowledge the dark reality you were born into when you presented; An Omega. Your parents, who were born Betas, cried when your first heat started. They had prayed you would be a Beta or even an Alpha, but it seemed their prayers fell upon deaf ears from the higher power.

Unfortunately, the Program soon discovered your presentation at 16 years old. While you were still too young to be entered into the Program, It didn't stop them from preparing for that day. You remembered those late nights hearing your parents downstairs talking about you, about your soon-to-be future. Your Dam was terrified, talking to your Sire about the stories from other omega parents. For some, they ranged from fairytale endings, but a vast majority were nothing short of horror-made flesh. Omegas were emotionally manipulated and abused by the very alphas they were entrusted to.

As you grew older, your parents decided to wait a few more years for you to enjoy life before you became tied to your future mates. You were incredibly thankful they pushed back against the Program to allow you to enjoy your young adult years. But as your Sire would say, "Whether good or bad, everything must come to an end."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The room was bare as you and your parents waited for the Omega Protection program representative to enter. You wished you were never born as an Omega; you wouldn't have to go through this Program if you weren't. Facing the fact that you would be removed from your parent's home only to be moved in with alphas you've never met before, and said Alphas were already selected for you. These alphas were being forced on you without knowing how they acted towards you or the other alphas; their past, what they looked like, and their personalities were beyond wrong to you. You were slowly being drowned in uncertainty; so many things could go wrong, hell you didn't even know if your alphas were good.

Your Dam grabbed your hand, sensing the rising anxiety in your scent. "It will be ok dear; these alphas will protect you. There is nothing to fear from this." You knew her words were supposed to feel comforting, but you couldn't help but think bitterly, 'well, it isn't you being fed to the wolves.' Before you could say anything, the door began to creak open, causing your Sire and Dam to straighten to greet the person walking in. You, however, just sunk into the couch, begging for it to open and swallow you whole.

As the door opened fully, it revealed two Betas entering, one male and one female. Their scents were almost non-existent as they stepped further into the room before sitting on the couch across from your family. "Good Morning, Mr. and Ms. (L/N); we're delighted you're here. My name is Matthew, and my partner is Hannah." The male beta spoke as he gestured to the woman beside him. "We will handle your daughter's case and pack introduction today." At the brief mention of you, the Betas locked onto your form. Noticing your rising anxiety, the female beta spoke up to clear the air.

"And you must be (y/n); I'm sure this is very overwhelming for you, but rest assured we have made plenty of healthy matches over the years," Her voice was quiet yet soft as the words fluttered from her lips. You could only briefly smile; she wanted you to trust her and her judgment. But even with that, you couldn't help but dread your matches. The fact you had to blindly trust two strangers who picked your lifelong mates was beyond unnerving.

Hannah leaned back into the couch, making herself comfortable. "now, before we introduce you and your parents to your new pack, we have a few things to discuss before we bring them in, ok?" The tension in the air was heavy as Matthew and Hannah shared a look before continuing. "Well, you know our priority is to pair all omegas with a pack of alphas to ensure their safety and increase omega birthrates. That being said, the pack selected for you is not exactly regular by our standards." That wasn't what you expected; you couldn't decide if you were more worried or curious about this confession.

This pack may be more interesting than you had initially thought. The dark-headed male cleared his throat, continuing, "This pack was already together before their application to our Program; these alphas are also active military with clean records. Two originate from Europe while the other is from the US; along with that, one of these alphas just so happens to be an uh...Apex alpha." Upon hearing this, the air in your lungs evaporated in mere seconds as a chill ran down your spine. This pack had seemed almost too good to be true, but with information, it only made you dread your initial meeting. Apexes were often found to be extremely dangerous, unable to control themselves in high emotional and hormonal situations.

Your Sire drew in a breath. "So what does that mean for our daughter? Why in the hell was she assigned to an Apex?" His growl filled the air. Also, being a beta, your father was not at threatening as an alpha could be, but with a protective Sire, anyone would be cautious with their following decisions. Matthew grew stiff. "With all due respect, sir, we've gone through an extensive background check with this apex. The alphas packed with him are his fellow service members who can fully vouch for him." Your eyes widened, a packed apex with people who know how he works; this pack was unusual and rare. 'Well, from what it sounds like so far, they don't seem like bad people. Maybe this is one of those lucky matches.'

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He couldn't stand; still, the chairs were far too small for him, and standing in the quiet room only made his nerves light up more than they already were. König paused to look at the door; it was closing to an hour since the three alphas were left in the room. The beta Hannah had told them to wait a few minutes, and they'd bring in their omega and her family. His body responded to the thought; after so many years of rejection letter after another, this felt like some sick prank to the Austrian apex. He was so nervous that he couldn't stay still, pacing back and forth and wiping his palms along his jeans.

His companions couldn't help but tease the anxiety-ridden giant. "König, relax, man. If you keep pacing, you might carve out a path in the floor." The dark-headed alpha joked as he shifted in his chair. While König was the most visibly anxious of the trio, Keegan attempted to keep himself calm, even with the bubbling excitement growing in his gut. Keegan's eyes traveled across the room, glancing between furniture and the small window. 'Not much cover, but at least it would be difficult for a potential sniper.'

"At least he's standin' up, be less of a shock to 'er." Ghost's voice echoed through the small room, breaking his zoned-out stare for a split second. The alpha had taken the only viable spot and backed into the furthest corner facing the doorway. Keegan snorted at the other alpha's remark; he knew it was true. König was massive on a human scale, but more so because he was an apex alpha. Before he could respond to the blonde-haired alpha, he heard two pairs of footsteps coming down the hall. Leaning up in his chair, Keegan sounded a low chuff to gain the other's attention before nodding towards the door.

Ghost made no move to his form; König, however, rushed to fix his messy hair to appear somewhat presentable. Keegan gave König a reassuring nod right before the door opened, and the heavenly scent of an omega swept through the small space. First, the Program's beta entered but then appeared their soon-to-be omega mate. 'Jesus, she's so.....small compared to us.' You ducked your head as the alphas zeroed in on you once you passed the threshold. Looking towards the blonde and black-haired alphas, you couldn't help but think that this wasn't as bad until you turned to look at, by far, the largest alpha you'd ever seen. His size had taken you aback, and the previous thought of being able to handle this pack was thrown entirely out the window.

Hannah gently rested her hand on your shoulder to regain your attention "(Y/N) meet your pack; first, we have Keegan Russ." Pointing to the smallest alpha, his eyes caught your attention first. They were a beautiful grey-blue that seemed to freeze you in place but also held a hidden sadness underneath them. Even with him being the smallest of the three, he knew he had a certain charm. His stature, eyes, and confident yet arrogant attitude had people flocking to him no matter their presentation. "Next, we have Ghost; that is his preferred name for now." The alpha in the corner made no attempt to move as his eyes raked over you before giving a slight nod. While his face was covered by a black medical mask, it didn't take away from his rugged beauty much; a mop of blonde hair with hooded brown eyes that slightly shined. Turning toward the last alpha, you could feel the tension between the betas and him. "Finally, we have the apex, König." She didn't seem too keen about him being here. A wave of well-maintained anger for what he was seemed to drive her not to acknowledge him; you couldn't help but feel a twinge of hurt toward him.

Although he had a large size, he seemed to fold in on himself, attempting to appear smaller to not scare you away. Unfortunately, you couldn't see much of him other than his eyes, a blue that reminded you of the ocean. "well, we will leave you all to get acquainted while we finish the paperwork and have her parents gather her things." With a final look over her shoulder, Hannah closed the door behind her leaving you with your new pack. Looking towards the alphas whose gaze tore into you, you could only give a slight grin "u-uh, hi there!"

Before you knew it, they all moved at once; while it wasn't swift, it still caused you to reel back slightly. You knew you couldn't just leave, so you forced yourself to stay still as Ghost reached towards you to grab your wrist in a firm hold. He brought your wrist close to his nose so he could capture your scent adequately, only releasing a deep chuff before slowly letting your wrist fall back to your side. The large apex released his own chuff before drawing in a breath. "H-Hallo omega, or (Y/N) w-which ever you want us to call you. If you even want us to use your name." His stuttering surprised you; how could this large apex even stutter? There was no reason for his nervousness, or so you thought.

Keegan stepped forward, touching the larger alpha's enormous bicep. "Take it easy, König; I doubt she's gonna bite you, right, Doll?" His joking tone helped ease the remaining tension in the room. 'At least these guys could take and make jokes,' You thought as you gave Keegan a toothy smile. "Only if you want me to, big guy." Giving the apex a wink, sending his gaze to the floor in embarrassment, and driving a laugh out of Ghost and Keegan.

The new-found atmosphere dissipated once a knock sounded on the other side of the door. Matthew and Hannah were soon looking in to check in on the four of you. "Well, everything is in order; I'm sure you are ready to head home. So we will allow Ms.(Y/N) to say her goodbyes to her parents before you all leave." Oh, that's right; you had forgotten you were being moved out of your parent's home and into your shared home with these alphas. Looking back at your parents, you caught sight of your Dam trying to clean up her remaining tears. While your Sire attempted to keep a stone face for you. Lunging towards them, your Dam and Sire tangled you up in their arms, whispering, "It will be ok little love; you'll see us again." "Please text us at least so we know your adjusting, ok?"

It broke your heart to leave them, but you all knew this was in your best interest. Drawing back from them, you reached to wipe away a few stray tears on your cheeks. "I love you guys. I'll try and stay in touch, I promise." Your words catch slightly in your throat. Stepping away from your parents, you looked towards the three alphas who stood off to the side, not wanting to rush your goodbye.

Stepping towards them, you stopped when Keegan and König took their places on either side of you. Ghost had left to pull their vehicle around, and as you started walking towards the main entrance, König offered his hand to you. "Don't worry Schatz, we will all die for you as long as it means you are safe." His words send a wave of heat through your body by his bold declaration. With a final look back toward your parents, you offered them a bright grin as you were guided away.

'Everything will be ok."

Tag list: @l-lend, @kelpiesummer, @wintersnnowie, @operatorinvestigatesco, @marytvirgin

Once again this is my first ever series so I apologize if somethings need work, am still a wee babe in the writing world XD

Translations: Schatz (German) - Treasure

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byemambo · 11 days

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4Minutes EP. 7 - My Takeaways

Wow, this series is only becoming more and more intense for me to organize my thoughts in a timely fashion. It also doesn't help that so much content has been released for me over the past few days and there are only 24 hours in a day hahahaha. But now I'm back, and looking forward to the final episode in the next few days. It's been a wild run and I'm excited to see the wrap up.

Emotional Development: Outcomes of a Broken Home

In this series, we get a chance to entangle ourselves with various family dynamics and the characters growing up within those dynamics. What I found most interesting and can help aid in my analysis is how abuse and neglect affect those who grew up deprived of emotional needs during their upbringing, but other significant moments within their development. I really enjoy consuming psychology media, but I'll be referring to Patrick Teahan's 5 Emotional Development Delays: What You Need to Know which actually came out not even 24 hours before I began tackling this post so it was the perfect time.

Teahan has highlighted his points within the original video as such (which I may or may not refer to all of them):

Codependency & Romantic Intimacy Delays

Security Delays

Perception Problems Delays

Functioning Delays

Negative Coping Strategies Delay

I think it's safe to assume that almost all the main characters within this series have dysfunctional upbringings, pivoting them in certain directions in life that mimics the dysfunction or invites it into their lives (all highlighted under the cut!).

Korn: Fear Driven by Shame and Incompetence

Through Great's confrontation in front of the business building after walking out of his dad's office, more details of Great's childhood consisted of being the son to the mistress, where Korn's mother took on the role of his wife respectively. Once Korn's mother commits suicide which some people have speculated that Great's mother could have possibly killed her herself but this has yet to be confirmed, there is an obvious shift in the relationship the family has with one another and has best been illustrated during their family dinner scenes and Korn's confrontational scenes with Great.

In Teahan's first point about codependency:

"...a four year old will be terrified that a connection is severed with an angry or aloof parent, [often] coming up with really good attempts to appease or please a parent to reestablish or make that connection, even if it consistently fails..."

I'm sure after the death of his mother along with Great's mother inversely taking her place beside his father, Korn confines himself by meeting with his father's demands, even if that entailed perpetuating the same cycle of corruption and harm placed upon those beneath their influence for decades. However, we witnessed one of the first moments of Korn's facade breaking once he was scolded by his father once more when the company's crimes were revealed to the general public: speaking out of turn and belittling Great's mother in an uproar.

This frustration only grew with time as the operations of the organized crime scheme continued to fall, from the cyber hack, to the information leak and inability to forcefully receive information and leads from the captive, to Samarn reporting to his father without permission. I spoke more about Korn's character in my episode 4 analysis which I think is worth checking out for more details on Korn's personality. Being treated with harshness and as a failure only triggered his innate desire for his own autonomy and to be desired by those he cares for, only to be turned away over and over again: Great, his father, Tonkla.

Episode 5

Along with Teahan's thoughts on romantic intimacy that coincides with codependency, stressing the distinction that these delays and resolutions to conflict are "childlike" and not "childish":

"...children don't like a process of getting to know someone slowly and they want things to be more immediate."

Once we were able to piece together the differing timelines between Great's reality versus his 4 minute reality which is elaborated in my episode 6 analysis, it seemed like Korn's scenes remained consistent except for the initial scene we get with Great after dropping him off after dinner during episode 1. Depicting him as someone who deeply cares for his younger brother as his familiar and someone he can confide in, this persona alters itself to someone who desires a means to an end and doing everything within his power to maintain his family at the top of the hierarchy, Korn spirals and becomes the main cause of his downfall through his own temper and neglect.

The stark difference between how he approached his romantic relationship at the beginning with Tonkla versus the last time they spoke to one another in person is like night and day, but Korn's darkness consumes him to a point-of-no-return. Which now revisiting the episode for more clarity: Korn is last seen at Great's condo while the police are still present at the crime scene, however, we don't see him at the hospital once Great had been admitted and suffering from instability of his vitals. I can only infer that he had left to follow his parents across the border, or Tonkla had successfully gotten to him with the intention of killing him.

When Korn attempts to overpower Tonkla into having sex with him despite not being present for weeks during Tonkla mourning over the murder of his younger brother, rather than meeting his supposed lover with empathy and remorse: he doubles down though intimidation tactics and speaking down to Tonkla. This of course fails once Tonkla's emotional state had been pushed beyond its limits, breaking him from the confines of the relationship of master and servant, even if it was for a brief moment.

Great: Free Will Does Not Exist

Great's demise made me pity him as an individual, especially after I reading cookie-kat777's post about Great's depression. Throughout the original timeline, Great is someone who moves in the world with recklessness and a deep rooted hate and defiance towards his father out of spite. Teahan's thoughts when discussing perception problems further explains Great's skewed mindset towards the severity of his actions within the moment, not understanding the deep set grief and despair he had brought onto others:

"...when we have a toxic parent, a child is whatever the parent says they are. They can rebel against those or take them on, both become extreme distortions of perception...they might never take themselves seriously and they will stay small. A toxic parent expects adult behavior from a child...adult survivors struggle [with] not seeing their own humanity as well as the humanity in others."

We see this emotional outburst onto Great from all angles: his hook up turned unrequited love Tyme, his brother, his father, his mother. With his own instability to make room for the processing of his own emotions, I could only imagine the weight he experienced during those final weeks before him being shot by Tonkla. He had no care in the world about Manee's death after his hit and run, his eventual whiplash from his assistance in getting rid of the body with Title, his immediate horror witnessing the killing of Nan, and eventually his own demise.

Episode 5

In a world where no matter what he does, decisions are made on his behalf without his input, without his own thoughts, without his own feelings, without his own agreement. Rather than taking accountability for their own sins, his family continues to place the burden onto Great, making such claims about following through with such horrific intentions for "his" sake. Whether it be providing him with a financially stable home life, giving him the fancy cars and fancy condos to live mindlessly in, buying the prizes out of the claw machine, all in order to keep him quiet and obedient: it may seem out of the question for some people that undermine the conflict that Great experiences simply because he's a "rich spoiled brat". Even though I have never seen nor have touched the level of wealth and status Great's family has been able to achieve, as someone with my own mental health disorders and dissonance: unhappiness does not care about who its target is, and even with all the wealth in the world and everything handed to you, there is still plenty of room for dysfunction and despair to thrive. After all, misery loves company.

We can see this level of recklessness and destructive behavior through Great's actions, especially with his reactions to all the heinous situations he comes across. Moments such as him hitting Manee or helping Title dispose of Dome's body, you can see how he's in a daze for majority of those moments before continuing on and avoiding damages and accountability. But once those moments pass, a wave of anxiety and stress overcomes him, using impulsive outlets such as smoking and sex to calm his nerves or even heighten them to reach a state of euphoria that temporarily shields him from his damning reality.

The only few moments we witnessed Great's joyous moments in his reality as well as his imagined reality had to do with the presence of love and affection:

Episode 1, 3, 4, 7

What I found interesting from the flashback was not just about Tyme and Great having a shared past, but it seemed like Great's childhood during the time of Tyme's family becoming partners in the operation was fairly tame. There are genuine displays of affection from his mother and father, and it only makes me wonder when the shift occurred between him and his father to escalate to a point of destructive behavior. Was is when he wasn't able to play with Tyme anymore? Was it when Great's father's moral values shifted once Tyme's parents were killed for an exchange of more wealth and status?

Tonkla: Eye for an Eye, Tooth for a Tooth

Teahan's comments on negative coping strategies highlighted my own interpretation of Tonkla's behavior and personality throughout the series:

"...we often find things that would help us address pain. ...can also find drugs and alcohol to manage horrific stuff going on in their home life or in their parental relationships."

I talked about Tonkla's personality and perception in depth in my episode 4 analysis when talking about his dynamic with Korn, alluding to potential physical abuse since we witnessed his emotional abuse earlier on in the series. 4MINUTES deciding to include this backstory helps us as the audience understand the severity of Tonkla's home situation before deciding to live under Korn's care that we see in episode 1. How brutal and violent his father is, how despite reporting to the police on multiple occasions, they remain hands off and enable the abuse to persist, underhandedly assuming Tonkla and his brother to continue enduring the abuse they suffer every day under their own roof.

Episode 7

We can see how passive and absentminded Tonkla becomes when it comes to enduring his own mistreatment, which we get a gist of this from how he processed Dome's passing as well as the secret hot and cold relationship he has with Korn. Surviving off of the same impulsiveness Great relies on to cope with such a bittersweet reality, Tonkla's drug usage and rough sexual encounters keep him from going beyond the edge for as long as possible, but of course, falls short once Dome, his only family member passes away. When we see Tonkla's dad abusing and killing the cat that appears in front of Tonkla as a hallucination throughout the episodes, the collar becomes an even deeper metaphor to Tonkla's imprisonment and stagnation serving as a reminder of not only his father's abuse, but his ownership underneath Korn (he even mentions his father passing away during the conversation with Korn after their first time in episode 4 but now we know his true cause of death).

Episode 7

Teahan elaborates on the romantic aspect of these emotional delays:

"...there is a special bond or a fantasy with their partner which doesn't match the reality of what it is." "...not caring if our partners are actually abusive for fear of being wrong or being in a relationship where we're not a good match."

As well as perceptual issues stemming from abuse during a child's upbringing:

"Often the abuse itself is a parent damaging a child's perception because the adults have the power over reality...they really get into fights in their head and the offense, real or imagined, stays with them, where we perceive the person having an issue with us or making it about us when it's really about the other person."

However, we see this shift in reclaiming his power once Win comes into the picture and tries everything within his power to bring justice to Dome's murder (we don't know for sure if that's stemming from a place of sexual desire, romantic, a strong sense of justice, or a combination of all three). As far as I'm concerned: out of all the main characters, Win has been reliable and consistent in his protection and devotion to Tonkla, offering up a different side of connection as a juxtaposition to the abuse and power imbalance Tonkla dealt with for majority of his life. Because of how disconnected he becomes from Korn's absence, I find it interesting how Korn managed to keep important details such as his relationship to Great a secret from Tonkla, making this betrayal more damaging. As the famous Code of Hammurabi states: "eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth".

Episode 7

Tyme: An End Before a Beginning

Tyme's life overview pains me not because I fell madly in love with Jes over the course of this series airing or anything, his life beginning with emptiness and grief after the death of his parents. The trials and tribulations he experienced, from the loss of loved ones, growing up in poor conditions, a deep desire to earn a living to give his grandmother a better life, there are many aspects to Tyme's life that contributes to his passive nature, trickling into his professional and personal life from Den reminding him to treat his patients with humanity and his breakup with his ex girlfriend. We see this when he approaches Great and has sex with him in order to get a step closer to avenging his family, we see this when he confronts Chanin, we see this when he's willing for Samarn to take his life once Nan dies in their hands. However, the most vulnerable of Tyme comes out when he is told by Den about Great's condition at the hospital, which brings on immense guilt and grief for a relationship they could have had if their circumstances were different.

Episode 7

I appreciate that Den becomes a voice of reason, which lots of people had wonders about how big of a role he plays as a character within the grand scheme of things. I believe that Den's character has enough push and pull without being too directly involved and entangled with the main characters, since we know how dedicated Den is to his research as well as the health and well being of his patients. He becomes one of the few people outside of his grandmother that Tyme has trust over, as well as emotional safety in sharing his burden and thoughts about Great and his current state. Whether Den knows the full details of what both of them have been through, Den gives Tyme a sliver of hope for a better outcome, which I found interesting when he was having his conversation with Lukwa about what happens during her OOBE (out-of-body-experience).

Episode 7

What became the most significant for me was Tyme becoming in tune with expressing his deep emotions, which we witnessed him crying at various stages of this episode but with the same emotional baggage: when he witnessed Great's emergency surgery, when confiding in Den about his regret, asking Great for forgiveness by his bedside, and when he's running away from his aggressor before ultimately being shot dead.

For someone that has expressed very little emotion from the moment we were introduced to him as a character until the final few episodes, almost having a similar detachment and perceptual issues Great has, I could only imagine the intensity of his emotions during each moment of vulnerability. Not even 24 hours pass and Great is shot outside of his home after they had their argument and Tyme placed the blame for Nan's death on Great, Great entering a coma from his injury and Tyme dealing with the weight of responsibility for his physical state (whether it is actually his responsibility or not, sorrow will have its way and point him towards guilt), and while bleeding out, grieving for the death of his grandmother, the death of his parents that he can no longer avenge, him now having no chance of asking Great for his forgiveness and remaining an angry and betrayed person in memory. That honestly becomes an even worse punishment on top of what he had been through thus far in his life: the punishment of being dragged to your end without being able to embark on your beginning with the person you care about most.

Episode 7

Both him and Great enter the period of 4 minutes at 11:00PM, which makes me wonder if there will be a way for them to revive themselves if their timelines converge. Is there a possibility for them to call out for one another in their own imagined realities? Can their senses transcend such abnormal circumstances? If Tyme were paying attention to these details outlined in Den's research paper before getting shot, will he be able to use this knowledge to find his way back to Great? Will both of them be able to see one another in the gallery Lukwa saw Great in? Will they both live together or die together? So many questions that I hope we have the vital answers to once episode 8 is released.

This post feels like word soup LOL. I think it's just me having too much fun keeping up with other content while still trying to figure out how to lay this analysis out. If you made it to the end, thank you so much and I appreciate your time! If you're feeling extra generous: check out Xdinary Heroes's new song iNSTEAD! (esp if you like metalcore/rock). See y'all on Friday :)

#4 minutes #4minutes #4 minutes the series #bas asavapatr #bible wichapas #fuaiz thanawat #jes jespipat #thai bl #thai drama #thai series #bl series #mambo.4minyap #mambo.speaks #oh boy are we even ready for friday #pray for us

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highlordofkrypton · 2 months

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Re: romantic affection

@peoplesidk, I'm gonna reply to your question here instead of reblogging bc I prefer just having mutuals see. This got long, I'm so sorry, you don't have to read the whole things.

I don't mind expanding on my second point, I'm not sure if it's relatable because it's 100% my personal issues that I am working through slowly but surely. I just hope that if anyone sees this (since it's public, and esp if they're not my mutuals!), they have the empathy to understand that it's not a debate, it's personal, if you know what I mean. BUT if it does help someone, then this is why I'm reblogging!!

tw: trauma dump? kind of?

So, I was raised in an environment that I didn't even know was considered "abusive" and or "neglectful" until much later in life when I found out I was depressed and sought help at school w/ their free therapy. Also, I still don't think it was that abusive or neglectful, some of it was just two people doing the best they can with the tools they had in an unfamiliar place.

Context:

I have no siblings, I am the eldest child born in a 'first world country' to the 'eldest child' of my mother's family (and my father was the first of his family to come here as well). Both of them achieved amazing things in helping their numerous siblings get a better life, etc. That said, not only was I parentified (bc they did not speak the main language here well enough to understand any official documents) as a child, but I was held to a standard that I needed to lead the cohort, achieve more and do it alone.

My parents raised me from a young age telling me 'you are alone, you have no siblings, we will not be around to help you' in the sense that anything can happen. Plus, they were generally absent, working multiple jobs to make ends meet and I was... alone. Most of my childhood memories is being alone, tbh.

Add in the fact that I think my mother was bullied most of her life, and took that out on me (and still does, but eh, I can take care of myself I don't listen anymore). It kind of fucked up the way my brain works.

I have certain beliefs about myself that are very contradictory to the way I move in the world.

I'm a shitty and nasty person vs. many people in my life, and even people I cross on a day to day basis, think I'm genuinely wonderful, positive and appreciate having me around. I do go out of my way to be kind, but I don't feel kind.

I'm fat, ugly, disgusting vs. literally nobody I know thinks that, and many of my close friends think I'm super in shape, I'm just not leaned out (think curvy and strong)

I cannot trust anyone to take care of me vs. I'm allowed to pause and not have to manage everything -- I only learned this year that I can ask my girlfriends to plan brunch, it doesn't have to be me all the time.

I have not earned the right to be loved (and the counter of 'merit of love' is reset with each interaction) vs. I don't have to do anything to be worthy of affection, I can just ... exist?

On the same point, I do not know how to exist in a way that isn't fearing that anyone in my life can turn on me at any moment, so I have learned not to bother being vulnerable + being vulnerable makes me a burden. I am not accomplishing my task of exceeding, accomplishing, leading the way.

(Also, my first and last relationship was super traumatic, so I don't think love is real at this point.)

THAT SAID, sorry for the long trauma dump, there's a point, I swear. In the examples above, you'll see that my negative and toxic thoughts are invalidated by the wonderful people in my life. I'm not relying on them to 'fix me' or combat my toxic thought processes, but ever since I moved out (and I work from home), I'm alone more often than not. I don't want to always rely on my friends to have to reset my brain.

I am told I do fantastic things, but I do not believe it. I am programmed to exceed, or perform well enough in a lot of things I do, but I seek validation, so it comes off as me begging for attention when 'I already know I'm good'. So, I can't help but wonder if a part of me longing for anyone who is kind, and who's interests align with mine, is just me kind of... wanting that 'peace of mind' because someone does love me enough to want to spend a lot of time with me.

I just think it'd be really nice to feel like someone cares enough about me (as a person and not the things I can do for them), but I don't think that's romantic attraction at all. It's just one soul yearning not to be lonely? Do I even have the capacity anymore to let someone in like that? Who knows.

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, MIGHT DELETE THIS LATER I'M KIND OF EMBARASSED NOW

#personal #trauma dump

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circular-bircular · 10 months

Text

“You can have DID without trauma!”

Vent art. Mod “Armageddon.” Tw for COCSA and general abuse.

You are a system. You have DID. You do not know this.

You go through 15 years, not knowing this — just existing in a haze, having such a bright childhood, one you grasp for later in the dark moments, trying desperately to hold onto it.

At 15, you realize, wait. I think something’s wrong. You realize you don’t feel like “yourself” — and even more alarming, you don’t know who “you” even are. You hear voices, suddenly, in your head. You find notes you clearly wrote, but it’s someone else’s handwriting, someone else’s words to “you.”

You just need to figure out who “you” is.

You go to your sexual abuser abusive romantic partner best friend because your abusive neglectful overbearing parents would never understand, or might be too worried about you. You ask them, “What’s wrong with me? I’m scared. I’m confused. I feel like I’m going to die.”

They smile. They want you, they need you to stay, and to stay you can’t be scared. “Don’t worry — that’s normal.”

You sigh in relief. Thank goodness. You’re fine. You’re okay. Nothing is wrong. The voices are just normal things everyone else experiences. The fun imaginative things in my head are normal. The fighting, screaming, sobbing, fear, need to run, need to love, need to help everyone while fully believing you’re about to get hit, or touched, or watched, always watched—

Don’t worry. That’s normal.

You are a system. You have DID. You do not know this.

You are 19. You’re not sure when that happened — isn’t time silly that way? You are normal. You were a bit “quirky” and “cringy” in high school, roleplaying a lot. You do not remember the voices in your head. You do not remember their names. You do not remember two entire years of high school, and you do not remember that you have forgotten.

You see a student presentation in class about a story, and how the main character could be read as having dissociative identity disorder. “The symptoms come from childhood trauma,” the student says, “but people don’t always remember their trauma.”

She describes the symptoms. You feel… weird. Why does that sound so familiar? So normal? You laugh a little and look around, expecting everyone else to be rolling their eyes at such an obvious observation. How ridiculous of psychologists to diagnose a very normal thing, right? But everyone else is nodding along, very interested, and the professor praises the student for her psychological lens, and “valuable research gathering on a rare disorder.”

You don’t remember going to your dorm, or the test you took that day online. The next thing you remember is not being “you” anymore, because “you” is locked in a room in your mind, and now you’re someone else, sobbing at the website you’ve pulled up. It’s about dissociative identity disorder.

You’re not you. You’re someone else.

You go to your best friend. You tell them everything at 4am, sobbing because you don’t know what to do anymore, and you’re scared, because you don’t know who you are.

“You’re not crazy. This isn’t normal, but you aren’t crazy. I believe you.”

You breathe for the first time in years months weeks days.

You are 19. You have DID. You think.

There’s only one problem; you don’t have trauma. You do. It’s there. They hurt you so much, you idiot, why can’t you hear the voices screaming that at you? So what on earth are you experiencing?

You try to research it. All you have is a DSM-III and resources on multiple personality disorder. And, of course, tumblr — your home away from home.

You find a war happening. People with trauma versus people who say they have none. They all seem to hear voices, and many are angry and struggling and confused, just like you. You must be like these “plurals” you’ve seen. The ones without trauma but with DID. That’s not what that was, and you know that now, but it’s was so hard to tell back then.

You join them. “I have DID,” you say, “but I don’t have trauma.”

“That’s okay!” They tell you. “You can have DID without trauma.”

What a relief. You’re normal. You’re fine. You’re not like those anti-endos, you’re told. “They medicalize their systems,” you’re told, “and their therapists are abusing them.” You feel so bad for those poor systems. They’re not like you; you’re fine. You’re normal. Unlike them.

You try to avoid the traumatized ones, but you see so many of them getting angry. They keep yelling about these people who don’t have trauma, who are “appropriating a disorder” — that same disorder you clearly have, but you don’t have trauma.

You crash your car while dissociating so hard that you hallucinate your parts headmates around you. And you are happy, because at least you have a family to take care of you. Isn't it so nice to see your parts headmates in real life?

You're normal. It's okay. You don't have trauma. You don't need trauma to be a system, and you love being a system. No you DON'T, the parts scream, you're dreaming! Wake up! Wake up, please, god, don't let that woman hug you, don't you know what she did--

You keep moving on.

Then you see the arguments that spark something in you. “You need trauma, but the age range is wider than you’d think.”

Your sexual abuser abusive romantic partner best friend from high school. There’d been that time you fell out with her. That time you blew up at her because she’d kissed you in public, blamed you for teasing her too much. You realize how little you remember.

What else have you forgotten?

“I have trauma but it’s well past the age range,” you say to an anti-endo, knowing you shouldn't have spoken to them, because everyone tells you not to -- but none of them are traumatized, and this person is. “What’s wrong with people having this disorder without trauma?”

“There’s decades of research on this,” you’re told. “It sounds like you do have trauma. Consider that you might have some you don’t remember. Otherwise, you don’t have DID.”

You are 19. You have DID, you know it. You ignore this person. “These other people told me I don’t need trauma. You’re just gatekeeping. You’re just wrong. I’m not traumatized. I’m not like you. I’m better.”

You go to the ones who comforted you, listened to you, manipulated you. "I have trauma, I think, but it's past the age those anti-endos talk about, how ridiculous are they?"

"I'm so proud of you for standing up to those sysmeds! A lot of us have been traumatized because of how people treat our system. I'm sorry those anti-endos traumatized you."

"Well, it wasn't them -- but you're right. Anti-endos are traumatizing. They've traumatized me."

You believe the lie you spread, because they spread it first, and it sounds right. You do not mention that you learned you were sexually assaulted by a peer as a child. That would just be trauma dumping, and that would make you no better than a sysmed.

You are 19. You’re “cured” of your DID, because the plurals around you say that if you like your system, you don’t have DID. They say if you can’t remember your trauma, you probably don’t have any, and “most DID is caused by trauma, you just might be a disordered plural.” They call you endogenic, or mixed-origin, or autigenic. Trying to suggest you have DID leads to them talking about those horrible traumatized systems DID systems disordered systems anti-endos.

“You can’t listen to them. You can’t reblog from them. They’re homophobic, racist, transphobic, bigoted, ableist, wrong. Any information they share is ableist.”

You listen. You always have. You roll your eyes good naturedly at them suggesting you don't have trauma -- they just meant your system isn't caused by trauma. They just misspoke. That's all.

... But what if they're right?

You are 20. You are a ????? system. You say you have DID, because you are disordered and fit all of the criteria, and you can have DID without trauma. Maybe you are just plural?

You start getting into fights with systems online. You spread misinformation your experiences. Anyone who disagrees with you is an ableist gatekeeper. You get fakeclaimed and it hurts. Now you are traumatized by anti-endos. You try to avoid them more, falling deeper into those circles that include everyone, including you. They must love you. They love everyone.

You see a post about trauma. You realize, slowly, so so slowly, your parents have hurt you. You remember everything. No??? You remember so little, the voices scream, sob, you can’t remember it because you’re not even trying to. Why bother trying when you can live in denial, and keep getting abused each time you go home, and keep getting hurt worse and worse every single weekend?

You are 20. You are a DID system. You have trauma. You know some of it.

You go to your manipulators harassers friends. “I figured it out! My system was formed my trauma!"

“Oh, you poor soul, who told you that?”

You feel cold. “What?”

“Those awful anti-endos fakeclaiming you-“

You feel isolated. “No?”

“You can’t listen to them. You’re autigenic. You’re being manipulated. You don’t have trauma.”

“My parents-“

“They love you, that’s not abuse. They were rich, that’s not abuse. They only yelled at you, that’s not abuse. You aren’t traumatized — don’t let the anti-endos convince you that you are.”

You are desperate. “But my DID!”

They frown at you. “You don’t need trauma to have DID. Saying otherwise makes you a sysmed."

You leave your friends. They weren’t friends at all.

You isolate. You have nobody. You made it clear that you would not speak to the filth anti-endos traumatized systems like yourself. You have nobody left to talk about your trauma with.

You are 21. You are a traumatized DID system. You only have your partner and in real life friends. Your abusers force you to drink on your birthday, and come into your safe space. You have nightmares for weeks.

Then you’re 22 and you are stuck with your abusers. You can see their faces now. You know the truth. You feel sick.

You are 23. 24. 25. You find new circles. You've researched trauma more, not nearly enough. You briefly become anti-endo, frustrated as you see more and more people hurt like you were, frustrated that the pro-endo spaces do not have any resources for those like you. Then you mellow, you try to divorce your trauma from your experience online. You try to find places to spread research and knowledge, to be traumatized and have people recognize what that means.

You are attacked for being traumatized, because this space has never been safe for trauma victims. You remember how you used to think when you were 19. You remember how you felt when you were left all alone. You try to keep the doors open, but it's so so hard, and you have to take care of yourself too. But you try. God, you try to help others.

You are 26.

You are in so many circles — endogenic, plural, CDD, traumatic, traumagenic, it doesn’t matter. You have so many people.

You see people telling others, “You don’t need trauma to have DID!” You take a deep breath and follow what your disgusting medicalist inclusive and welcoming therapist has taught you about stopping spirals. You try not to say anything deep at first, because you’re clearly triggered, and recent lessons have taught you more that you need can’t be traumatized online without getting hurt badly.

But you see people denying their trauma. Saying, “I don’t remember any trauma, and even if I did have trauma, I don’t feel like I do."

You remember being that way. You remember not remembering. You remember how your parents sexually abused you, now, even after you thought you’d remembered it all. You remember how your parents hit you and neglected you alongside their overbearing lack of boundary keeping. You remember how you convinced yourself it wasn’t trauma.

You remember how you went back, for years, because of what people said.

You could have left at 19. You had the chance. The options. The doors to freedom were wide open, and you did not step out, because you thought your cage was already freedom.

How much sooner could you have been free if you had simply acknowledged you had trauma, and it had been made clear that it was okay to have trauma? That it would be safe to leave? That you deserved to be able to leave?

You do research. You've done research. You try to find proof of endogenic -- of non-trauma -- DID. You find fakeclaiming. You find people misinterpreting statistics, or even flat out lying about statistics. You find decades, even centuries of research, in the attempt to figure out what's happening. You even resort to literary analysis, because at least you might be able to find evidence of people discussing non-trauma DID as a legitimate scientific thing while psychoanalysing old texts -- just like back at 19, back in college, back when you first heard what DID was.

You find nothing.

You try to share your experiences still. You try to explain in more private spaces, spaces where there can't be anonymous hatred flung your way -- or worse, people who have determined that you are an enemy that must be defeated taking each word you say and twisting it to demonize you -- and you watch in horror as they remember.

"That's trauma?"

"That's disordered?"

"I've never heard of this before."

"I thought I was endogenic. I thought I didn't have trauma."

They're fine. They struggle -- but trauma is a struggle -- and more importantly, they now know what resources to even aim for. They know where to look. They know what can help.

You wish you'd known that.

And you will never, ever stop being bitter about the years those people took from you. You will never forgive them for their fakeclaiming. You will never forgive them for the years you spent being abused more.

But it's okay.

It's normal.

And isn't it better to be inclusive of that very slim amount of people who, despite all evidence to the contrary, and despite all of Occam's understandings, and despite the harm that inclusiveness does to those who are suffering, just have DID without any of that pesky, disgusting trauma?

What do I know? I'm just a filthy sysmed.

#venting #syscourse #You can reblog this #I don't mind #But I won't be responding to anything on this post I don't think #I just needed to get this out #Armageddon Comes While I'm Sleeping #tw csa #tw cocsa #tw abuse

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mamuzzy · 4 months

Text

THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY OPPOSING KAL SKIRATA part 2.

HIS FAMILY FROM THE PAST - Continuation

I've got a couple of response from @mysticaltora8276 and I decided that Ilippi's and Kal's relationship deserves another round to talk about because that's what the original post was about.

What you will find here now: - Dissecting Kal's and Ilippi's relationship even more but now with quotes from the books. - Me confirming the existing misogyny integrated into Karen Traviss' mando lore (I never doubted. I just wanted to find my own answers in this debate instead of choosing existing sides). - No. I still don't hate Kal. You can still love a character while not agreeing with their actions.

More under the cut.

One of my interesting observation about the antis and "critical thinkers" that while they think they are protecting the women of Repcomm with claw and blood, they are the ones who write them off as "cardboard characters with no soul and own will".

Starting from Ilippy. I thought I emphasised enough how badass was for her to divorce from Kal when she felt she can't adjust to this lifestyle, and wanted to protect her children from the warrior's life.

And it suddenly clicked.

Holy shit, it's 2024. Divorcing from your husband is not a big deal anymore!!!! CAN YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS??? O_____O

(this wasn't a sarcasm.)

Today, divorcing from your husband when you are abused, or neglected, you fear for your children, or bored or you realize after years of marriage that you just don't click is totally a normal thing today and doesn't come with social stigma anymore (in better places). You can even get an official distancing-order.

But people often forget that it wasn't always like this. And remember when these books were written. Hard Contact came out in 2004.

I can't talk about other countries, only the post-soviet ones, but in the 80's-90's, it was still considered shameful for women to initiate divorce from their husband, no matter whether she was treated bad, the whole neighbourhood knew she was treated bad, relatives very much aware that the wife was treated bad. They blamed women for not putting up the whims of the husband. Blamed by women and men as well.

Hungarian poetry is actually full of ballads, how the wives were forced to kill their husbands to save themselves from abusive relationships or forced marriage because divorce wasn't an option: it was, but then you were shamed by your whole community. Shamed by women and men as well.

One of the other thing, that really changed is the time when you get married. Today is also considered normal to marry and have a kid at age 30+, while couples of from my parents generation usually married at age 18-19. And Kal and Ilippi also married rather young, which is also the part of Karen Traviss's mandalorian culture, but can be a mirror about old generational couples of real life.

I looked up the definition of misogyny (my own experience is one thing but I'm not going to traumadump here):

Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. It is a form of sexism that can keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the social roles of patriarchy. An example of misogyny is violence against women, which includes domestic violence and, in its most extreme forms, misogynist terrorism and femicide. Misogyny also often operates through sexual harassment, coercion, and psychological techniques aimed at controlling women, and by legally or socially excluding women from full citizenship. In some cases, misogyny rewards women for accepting an inferior status. (From wikipedia)

In this definition, IN OUR HUMAN EARTHLING STANDARDS keeping Ilippi in lower social status as a wife in a secluded place where she was expected to raise their children and wait for her husband without any other option (they lived in the middle of nowhere, no neighbours, no cities around for her to spend time or work or getting friends), yes, it is misogyny.

Only Ilippi had options: embracing the mandalorian culture and became a warriorwife, asking Kal to teach her, maybe joining him later.

ASSUMPTION HERE: I don't think Kal really knew how to handle a non-mando girl. I don't think they really talked about their future as a mando couple. Ilippi worked as a waitress and probably at that time it was a good idea to be a wife of a mercenary. Two young people met, fell in love, and later they realized, their expectations hadn't met. I don't think Ilippi was really interested becoming a fighterwife just as Kal wasn't interested leaving the mercenary life and his own culture behind. But also: here is the confimation of mando couples marrying young from Order 66. But also that Ilippi first found Kal and his profession attractive in her eyes.

Their serious arguments started when the possibility came up that Kal wanted to bring the children along with him.

This is a snippet from True Colors when they talk about the responsibilties of a mandowife.

Ordo is making a (rather sexist) joke, so how reilable this information can be is very much debatable. If he says it's nothing hard for a jedi, than it is probably very hard and tiresome for a civilian like Ilippi.

SPECULATION: I can imagine that sometimes Mandowife gets up, now it's her turn to go out and make some money and the husband stays home with the children. -> But because the conversation above it can be interpreted many ways, it's hard to say what exactly was their duty.

Before you kill me for using mandowife here mandoWIFE there instead of riduur...

One of my problem with Karen Traviss' Mandalorian lore, that the whole culture and social expectations were supposed to be completely gender neutral. Can you handle yourself as a warrior? You are a mando. That's it. But here, there are inbuilt gender expectations and roles. -> By the definition of the misogyny above, this is one, because mandalorian women are still bound by the stereotypes of the patriarchal role of a women in a heteronormative family.

Ok, back to Ilippi.

Now this is the first scene Ilippi first mentioned in Triple Zero. I fail to see how she was treated bad by the narrative or Kal or Jango.

Ilippi decided this life is not for her. Ilippi didn't wanted the mandalorian life for her and for their children. She didn't want to assimiliate. She realized these people are wackos and she has to get out as soon as possible before Kal really take their children to war. And she did.

This is how their divorce went (Order 66)

Ilippi was never deprived from choices. She literally took the kids when Kal was away and Kal returned to an empty home. If she was really held in lower social status, and her rights and feelings weren't respected at all, Kal could have go and forced her to come back without her consent. Or simply do honor-killing like many cultures and religions do in real life where misogyny isn't just making sexist jokes (like the Ordo conversation), but the whole family will actually hunt you down for leaving your husband.

Kal respected this choice. Does he deserve a praise for it? Probably not. This is how it should be: respecting others.

But also this confirms that Kal never stopped supporting financially his family.

And lastly I wanted to add this one because I really loved this conversation:

Kamino was the point were Kal actually cut himself from his family entirely. Not before. Kal had a chance to reconnect with his biological children when he got the news from Jango (though it's debatable, my speculation is that Kal would have been killed if he had left Kamino before the contract's end). He choose the Nulls and the commandos under his care.

But this is also interesting that in the Mando culture when your wife is divorcing from you, you, the husband are to blame: a switched-mirror to the formerly mentioned real life example of how divorcing from your husband is shameful as a woman. If you fail as a parent, as a husband, you fail as a human being.

ABOUT THE CHILD SOLDIER DEBATE: if you need the author to spoonfeed you with the narrative that explicitly condems the existence of childsoldiers, the problem is not with the media, the problem is with you.

IN CONCLUSION: Ilippy is still a fucking badass. Kal loved his family. Kal respected Ilippy and her choice. Real life misogyny integrated into the mando culture spotted which is - obviously - affected Kal too.

HOOOOooooooOOOooOoooOoly shit, that was a ride. Because I partially touched to topic about his sons, I think my next post will be about Tor, Ijaat and Ruusaan.

If you actually read through all this blurb, in one hand KUDOS TO YOU, on the other hand, you can expect something like this from me when I actually start to my blogging about the books.

#kal skirata #ilippi jiro #republic commando #repcomm #star wars

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nickeverdeen · 5 months

Note

Can I ask for an imagine since there's almost none here pls?🙏🏻

So, in this one, gn!reader has beefs with their dad because he is very rude to them and a very mentally unstable man. Usually they spend a lot of time with joel because they like his company a lot and he's so good to them, they kind of wishes he was their dad. One time, they go to joel's house very sad, saying something happened home. Joel is not surprised, he knows the dick of a father this kid has. But now is different, reader says their father threatened them, and now joel knows the shit is getting real here. He asks, just by confirmation, what reader wanted to change the situation. Reader says all they wanted was their dad out of their life so they could have peace in jackson. Joel remembers he has patrol next morning with this man, and now he knows he has to do...something about it. Kiddo isn't asking much, after all.

Home, sweet home | Joel Miller x gn!kid!reader

Warnings: Cussing, neglectation, abuse, mentions of cigarettes, mentions of alcohol, mentions of blood

Summary: You’re seeking support from Joel, whom you view as a father figure, after your mentally unstable father threatens you. Joel decides to take action during his patrol with your father to ensure your safety and peace in Jackson

————————————————————

The tension in the air was palpable as you entered your father's house, the familiar scent of stale cigarettes and cheap whiskey assaulting your senses. You knew what awaited you – another confrontation, another argument with the man who was supposed to be your dad.

Your relationship with your father had always been strained, marred by years of bitter arguments and hurtful words. You longed for a father who would offer guidance and support, someone like Joel.

But as you stepped into the dimly lit living room, the atmosphere shifted from tense to volatile. Your father's eyes bore into you with a mixture of anger and resentment, his lips pressed into a thin line of disapproval. "Where the hell have you been?" Your father growled, his voice dripping with contempt.

Your heart sank as you braced yourself for yet another confrontation. You had spent the night at Joel’s house, seeking refuge from the toxic environment of your father’s home.

“I was out” you replied tersely, your voice tinged with defiance

Your father's eyes narrowed, his fists clenching at his sides. "You think you can just come and go as you please? You think you can disrespect me like that? Why can’t you be more like Tommy or Maria? They’re a responsible and useful people who unlike you don’t waste the oxygen on this Earth. You’re nothing, but a waste of time and energy!" You felt a surge of frustration and fear coursing through you as you locked eyes with your father. "Then why the fuck did you even have me, you asshole?!" you shot back, your voice rising in anger. Without warning, your father lunged forward, his hand snaking out to grab a nearby glass. Your heart pounded in your chest as you braced yourself for the inevitable confrontation.

"You ungrateful little brat" your father spat, his voice laced with venom. "You think you can talk back to me? You think you can defy me in my own fucking house?" Your pulse quickened as your father's anger escalated, the air thick with tension and fear. You knew you had pushed him too far, that your words had ignited a firestorm of rage. With a sudden, violent motion, your father hurled the glass against the wall, the sound of shattering glass echoing through the room. You flinched instinctively, your heart racing as you stared at the shattered remnants of your father's anger.

"Get the fuck out, you worthless piece of shit!" their father growled, his voice low and menacing. "Get out before I’ll beat the shit out of you, you stupid ass fuck!" Your breath caught in your throat as you stared at your father, your mind reeling with a mixture of fear and disbelief. You knew you had to leave, to escape the toxic environment of your father's house before it consumed you whole.

Without a word, you quickly got up and fled from the house, your heart heavy with sorrow and regret. You knew you could never change your father, could never mend the broken relationship that lay shattered at your feet.

As you made your way to Joel’s house, a heavy weight settled in your chest, dragging you down with each step. The events of the evening replayed in your mind like a broken record, the echoes of your father’s anger still ringing in your ears.

When you finally reached Joel’s doorstep, your heart felt heavy with sorrow and despair. You knew you could always count on Joel for comfort and support, but tonight, your burden felt too heavy to bear alone. Joel opened the door, his expression softening as he took in the sight of your tear-stained face. Without a word, he stepped aside, silently inviting you inside.

You stepped into the warmth of Joel’s house, the familiar scent of woodsmoke and leather enveloping you like a comforting embrace. You sank onto the couch, burying your face in your hands as tears threatened to spill over.

Joel sat down beside you, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of emotions raging inside your heart. He didn’t need to ask what had happened – he could see the pain etched in every line of your face.

“Hey kid,” Joel said gently, his voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. “You wanna talk about it?” You shook your head, unable to find the words to articulate the turmoil churning inside you. All you could think about was the look of hatred in your father’s eyes, the sharp sting of his words cutting you to the core.

Joel didn’t press for answers, sensing that you needed time to process your emotions. Instead, he reached out and placed a hand on your shoulder, a silent gesture of solidarity and support before wrapping you in a blanket and getting you a hot cocoa.

For hours, you both sat in silence, the only sound the soft crackle of the fire burning in the hearth. You found solace in Joel’s presence, his steady presence a comforting reminder that you were not alone in your pain so you decided to bring him into what happened, telling him about the glass accident, hurtful words and the threatening from your father. The weight of your words hung heavy in the air as Joel listened, his jaw clenched with simmering anger. He had known that your father was trouble, the whole town did, but the gravity of the situation hit him like a punch to the gut

“So, what do you want to do about it?” Joel asked, his voice low and measured. He had to tread carefully – he didn’t want to scare you off with talk of your father, but he couldn’t just sit back and do nothing either, you hesitated, your gaze dropping to your hands folded in your lap. “I just… I want him out of my life,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “I want to feel safe, Joel.” The raw vulnerability in your voice tugged at Joel’s heartstrings, igniting a fierce protectiveness deep within him. He wanted nothing more than to make things right for you, to rid your life of the toxic influence of your father once and for all.

As the night wore on, your exhaustion finally caught up with you, your eyes growing heavy with sleep. With a gentle nudge, Joel led you to the guest room, tucking you in with a warm blanket and a soft pillow. “Get some rest, kid,” Joel murmured, his voice a soothing lullaby, but his mind was already running wild as he remembered that tommorow morning he has a patrol with this shit called your ‘father’ and Joel knows damn well that he’ll do anything to protect his family, even if you’re not blood related, he doesn’t give a fuck he’ll protect you and make sure you won’t have to go through this hell again. You are his family since the first day of when Ellie brought you here when you were younger and he saw how your father behaves towards you, he already felt protective of you back then and now with that old man threatening you? Hell nah, the least he’ll do is have a conversation with him.

You drifted off to sleep, your dreams haunted by memories of your father’s anger and your own sense of helplessness. But in the warmth and safety of Joel’s house, you found sanctuary from the storm raging outside. “I’ll make sure he never hurts you again.” Joel whispered knowing you’re asleep as he gave you a small fatherly kiss on the cheek.

The next morning, Joel’s footsteps echoed through the quiet streets of Jackson as he made his way to the rendezvous point for his patrol with your father. His mind raced with thoughts of what he was about to do, the weight of his decision heavy on his shoulders.

As he approached the designated meeting spot, your father came into view, his presence casting a dark shadow over the sunny morning. Joel’s fists clenched at his sides, a surge of anger coursing through his veins as he remembered the fear in your eyes. “Morning” your father greeted him with a sneer, his tone dripping with contempt. “Ready to patrol, old man?” Joel forced a tight smile, his stomach churning with revulsion at the sight of the man standing before him. “Yeah, let’s get this over with,” he replied through gritted teeth.

For hours, they walked the perimeter of Jackson in silence, the tension between them thick enough to cut with a knife. Your father made small talk, but Joel barely registered his words, his mind consumed with other thoughts.

Finally, as they reached the outskirts of town, Joel’s patience reached its breaking point. He turned to face your father, his expression steely with determination. “We need to talk,” Joel said, his voice cold and devoid of emotion. Your father raised an eyebrow, his expression shifting from amusement to suspicion. “What’s this about, old man?” he asked, his tone tinged with arrogance. Joel took a step forward, his gaze boring into your father with unwavering intensity. “You need to leave,” he said firmly. “You’re not welcome here anymore.”

Your father scoffed, a cruel smile twisting his lips. “And who’s gonna make me, huh? Are you trying to scare me away ‘cause that bitch of mine told you to? They’re mine property, old man. I get to do whatever I want with them” he taunted, taking a step closer to Joel. “Whatever I want” he repeated.

Without hesitation, Joel lunged forward, his fist connecting with your father’s jaw with a satisfying thud. The force of the blow sent your father stumbling backwards, his eyes widening in shock. Joel despite being older is advanced at fighting, his movements fluid and controlled as he unleashed a flurry of punches, each one landing with deadly accuracy. Your father fought back, but Joel was relentless, his rage fueling his every move.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, your father lay crumpled on the ground, blood oozing from a split lip and more blood covering his face. Joel stood over him, his chest heaving with exertion as he glared down at the man who had terrorized you for far too long. “You’re done here,” Joel growled, his voice low and menacing. “You hear me? If I ever see you near Y/N again, I won’t hold back. Not again” With that, Joel kicked him in the stomach and walked away, leaving your father lying battered and broken on the ground. As he made his way back to Jackson, Joel felt a sense of satisfaction wash over him – he had done what needed to be done to protect the ones he cared about.

As dawn broke on a new day, you awoke to the sound of birdsong filtering through the window. You rose from bed, your heart heavy with the weight of the previous night’s events unaware that Joel made sure this won’t ever happen again.

But as you made your way to the kitchen, the scent of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of Joel’s quiet humming greeted you like a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds. You couldn’t help but smile, the warmth of Joel’s presence filling you with a sense of hope and renewal.

“Morning, kid,” Joel greeted you with a grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners with affection. “You sleep okay?” You nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “Yeah, thanks to you,” you replied softly, your voice filled with gratitude as you saw a letter that Tommy and Maria signed that gives Joel the right to legally take you under his wing if you’d want to.

Joel poured you a cup of coffee, the rich aroma filling the air with warmth and comfort. As you sat down at the kitchen table, you felt a sense of peace settling over you like a blanket. In that moment, surrounded by the warmth and love of your makeshift family, you knew that you would find the strength to face whatever challenges lay ahead. And with Joel by your side, you knew you would never have to face them alone.

#request #imagine #tlou #tlou2 #joel tlou #tlou fanfiction #tlou game #the last of us 1 #the last of us #the last of us x reader #the last of us x you #the last of us x y/n #joel miller #joel miller tlou

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jaymesyourplaything · 6 months

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TRANSPARENCY

ver they/them is sherlock he/him mod

john he/him is johns mod.

all purple are links.

hello,, i think to start this, i will have to be very transparent. this is going to push a lot of my comfort zones, and... well, writing this is going to... be very difficult for me. i'm sorry. if i give too much leeway, some friends may be upset. if i speak at all, i fear i'm losing some automatically.

but, i wanted to speak up. push myself. my friend gave me the okay, and along with bewitched they are both giving me the courage every day. 🥺🥺🥺

i struggle with speaking up. my co-mod was always the one who, spoke for me. in my life; i am very much a wallflower. in my personal life, people don't like how i am so very willing to see the good in people, even if they hurt me. this is because i was abused and neglected started from a young age.

due to my abuse;

i have a dissociative disorder

it makes it very hard for me to interact with people around me in my day to day life. whenever i am stressed, whenever i feel i should be quiet-i was conditioned well-or if anyone so much as changes their tones, i'll be gone. it's questioning when i come back, but it's often when i'm more comfortable.

so, when someone is out of line, or otherwise mean to me, i would dissociate, and often forget about it. my caretaker once commented on how i wasn't there mentally, i didn't have the ability to hold a grudge. it was not because of a mental deformity, but the neglect i suffered.

i was only ever "real" during happy moments. i would lose focus during un-happy moments. it was easy to create false memories, especially if all i had to go on was my (caretakers) retelling of any story.

my memories, my thoughts and feelings on people, are based entirely of whatever i can remember of them at that moment, and what other's tell me about the memories/people. my reality is easy to be altered. (which is why i stepped back so long, all my thoughts are based on my partner of 10 years, childhood friends who do not interact with this website or anyone in it, or some of my friends who have been helping me correct my behavior who have all stayed out of it for their general lack of like of drama and also it helps me tremendously to interact with the world "alone" and learn how to proceed in my life/process. alone as in they don't interfere, other than advice i ask for. mostly i'm saying i purposeful stepped back from ver and bewitched -and john- anyone involved and spoke to those not involved for my opinions here. )

the best coping mechanism we found is to be extremely grounded. the last year has become the best year of our life after we became aware how severe the abuse was and why i've been the way i have. (we as in my partner and i. we have been together for 9 years now. )

this is why i struggle keeping a narrative for long. i'll lose it, i'll go through various stages of understanding, or memory loss. my narrative is based on those around me and what i see, and other things i can trust. it takes awhile, so i can gather what other's think of what's happened around me, so i can base the truth off it.

(i stayed out of this because i couldn't just, listen to everyone when this is /my/ experience. hence why i talked to my partner, or other -childhood friends not related to anyone here in this space- about such topics for so long, or other trusted friends, until i could gather an idea that isn't biased from my friends. because i trusted john, it hurt a lot for this to happen, it was hard to believe, hence dissociation and why it took so long. heughhh... )

also, yes, co-mod

i co-moded this blog once. if you know who the co-mod is, please keep it private. we have since talked and he has agreed to stay out, he's leaving me to handle the experiences on this account. he has remained quiet by my request. he now has only commented on his own experiences on his blog, only. john never knew the identity of this other person, in fact i don't think i told him my identity either. we spoke as "i" or "we".

edit: gdi pookie i said keep it private wts

my co-mod quit the fucking whore

thats a joke i don't mind they quit. poor communication, i would dissociate and he disapproved that i was continuously supporting him [john] even though i was clearly, by my own mind's definition, in discomfort talking to him. i wanted to be a good mod, keep contact with the other mods. ): i didn't like how he treated people behind the scenes, gossip and stuff. devaluing sherlock for a long time.

my friendship and thoughts on john and ver

i don't think ver is emotionally manipulative, but i didn't think john was abusive either. john has certainly shown he has been abusive since the split at least, but it suspects he could have always been abusive.

john planned replacing sherlock with his friend, from early january at least, but i suspected it back around august 2023

he said early on ver would deserve being replaced. said mine would be a better sherlock once, said he was tired of ver's sherlock, supported the idea of the other sherlocks popping up since jan but said they were also crazy and not to talk to them.

but anyway, here's wonderwall

aka my statement

there are boundaries. revealing personal information about ver, at first in private (with me, who else could he have? ) and then later in public, or messaging them after they (publicly ) told him to stop. then slander, or public harassment (public attempts to communicate, or throw accusations at, or now accuse of sending anon asks without proof -turn off anon asks then john. ) i don't know what happened in private, but publicly john has continuously escalated a situation that ver has attempted to be quiet and respectful on continuously.

i ended my friendship with john because of his continued abuse towards ver since he abruptly and without warning replaced ver.

uh , last thoughts? and a message from me

john was a mean girl who decided to fully bully and harass ver now that ver was free.

ver is just emotional and reacted to johns /empty/ threats of quitting.

which again is mean of him, empty threats, he knew he wanted to replace ver, not quit lol

since he kicked ver out and cut them off, he has continuously reached out, even after ver requested he stop. he has no even made a new account (sherlockbbc-rp blog ) so that he could interact with us (we all had to re-block him, or otherwise ignore him ) since we all have been trying to move on

he is obsessed with ver, which is weird when john is the one who wanted ver gone. ver even tried to help john every step of the way (and wanted the same respect and help. ) which john refused. i believe ver and believe john blew them off until he replaced him, since he's refused my help in similar ways countless times.

i hope ver can move on and recover, they do seem really shaken up and shy because of this event, and john continuously just, escalates. now that we've all done statements, i want to help ver move on. i want to plan and plot more interactions, i want to help cheer them up. i hope johns friends continue to watch and take care of him too, but i honestly am happy i'm not one of them now. it's stressful. i don't need to be friends with someone who puts that much thought into slandering and harassing someone and has no intentions of growing as a person and stopping that behavior. i've been trying, and i'm sure most of my friends would agree i'm doing so much better. i am proud of my improvements, and i am so very proud of ver for moving on and taking all steps i would have. i am not proud of john. i am proud of me for leaving john. my friends are proud, it was difficult for me, very very difficult.

this was difficult to write. as said, in my personal life, i am too soft, too nice. last ex, i remember we talked it out and ended with me saying (so us agreeing ) we were both too immature for the relationship. in reality they were cheating and petty lol. i.. i am often harassed for, not... speaking up, for taking blame, for ending so many things on good terms. two people i respected a lot even judged me when it took me so long to cut john out of my life. it hurt a lot. i've withdrawn a lot, since then. i am excited to move on from this chapter of my life, and continue growing as a person, from poor behavior to just being more assertive.

thank you for reading this, i... i feel no one really cares, but a close friend comforted me, and reminded me that even if no one else cares, that my friend ver appreciates me helping. i was silent so long, partially their request, some was a mutual agreement between me and my co-mod, and a lot was processing... what was going on with john. please be respectful, please be patient with me. this was my friend too. this was ver's friend once too. thank you to my friend, thank you to my continued friends for always helping me in correcting my behavior, or just remaining patient with me during this journey the last year with my own personal growth, and thank you to bewitched and ver for giving me the courage and help to speak out in the first place. i love and appreciate all of you very much.

john, please stop trying to contact me.

#jay #a scandal in tumblr #mod

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phoenix-king-ozai · 6 months

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Live footage of Azulon when the son he treats like trash and obviously wants his attention to the point he legit names his kid after him but with a more feminine sounding ending kills him after forty years of him being an awful parent: Shoced Pikachu face.

Yeah you can't tell Ozai didn't want to kill Azulon but simply never had the courage to go through with it. A part of me feels he was waiting for the bastard to kick the bucket and I'm of the opinion that outside of fear, the other reason he didn't try tripping the bastard down the stairs was because Iroh would get the throne anyway and whilst Azulon's death can be brushed off as the fucker just getting old, Iroh dying at the same time would raise red flags and it's only when Lu Ten dies and Iroh retracts his birth right does Ozai dare to even try insinuating he should get the throne.

I believe that Ozai and Azulon had a very complex, turbulent, and strained father-and-son relationship. My theory regarding Fire Lady Ilah's death is that she had complications while giving birth to Ozai and died in a traumatic childbirth scenario. Perhaps, Fire Lord Azulon desired to have another child in case of Crown Prince Iroh's death on the battlefield. Ilah probably was at the age where having another child was risky in her mid-40s or possibly infant Ozai burning Ilah alive from the inside out causing the Fire Sages to perform a bloody C-Section which led to her death due to immolation, blood loss, and overwhelming pain.

If this scenario is truly the canon case regarding Fire Lady Ilah’s death. Then I could see Fire Lord Azulon scapegoating Ozai for being the cause of Ilah’s death especially if Azulon forcibly demanded Ilah to conceive another child as a potential backup replacement heir for Iroh’s death in warfare along with the return of Sozin’s comet coming in the next half century. I can see both Azulon and a teenage Iroh resenting, neglecting, and verbally abusing Ozai during his childhood due to their beloved wife and mother dying horrifically in tremendous tormenting pain. Adult Iroh probably later resents and regrets how he and his father treated Ozai during his early formative years as a child and the negative effects it had on their relationship and Ozai’s own relationship with his own personal family with Ursa, Zuko and Azula…

However, I believe that despite the hateful resentment and negatively neglectful child abuse. Ozai during his youthful childhood and teenage years greatly appreciated, admired, and respected his father as Fire Lord and Supreme Commander of the Fire Nation Military and brother as Grand General of the Fire Nation Army. Ozai probably very much idolized and worshipped his father and brother as legendary war heroes and genius strategists who followed in his grandfather's legendary footsteps in achieving absolute victory for their homeland and people against the “barbaric snow savages” of the Water Tribes and “incompetent dirty filthy” Earth Kingdomers. Ozai probably later on during his adulthood began to resent Azulon for his maltreatment and neglect of him despite him being his ultimate idol as shown by his naming of Azula after him. Ozai also probably resents how Azulon values and has a better relationship with Iroh and Lu Ten than him due to Ilah’s death. I can definitely see Teen Ozai being fanatically loyal to Azulon just like Zuko was for Ozai due his exile.

Ozai is more ruthless, brutal, and vicious than his older brother Iroh. Iroh had taken after Ilah's influence and parenting style whereas Ozai had taken after Azulon’s influence and parenting style. Iroh probably is brainwashed and naive to believe that the Fire Nation truly cares about the prosperity of the other elemental nations whereas as Ozai is extremely realistic and pessimistic regarding the so-called “benevolent” plans for the other nations by their grandfather Sozin. Ozai probably internally realized and demoralized himself regarding the Fire Nation's true brutal, vicious, cruel, and selfish desire for imperial conquest. Which is why personality Ozai is much more strict, cold, ruthless and serious than his brother due to their different outlook on society and what it means to be a parent, warrior, and Fire Prince of the Fire Nation.

Ozai's parenting style is very authoritative, demanding, controlling, and ruthless like the Fire Nation Empire itself. Ozai most definitely inherited this style of dominating and vicious dictatorial parenting method from Azulon who inherited it from Sozin. Ozai treats his children more like soldiers and pawns for the Fire Nation's grand schemes and designs. Their happiness, wishes, and desires mean nothing to him to the cost of his family's Imperial Legacy. Ozai and Ursa used to have a happy family with Zuko and Azula, but Ozai "changed" when the children became older. I believe Ozai decided to allow Zuko and Azula to have a happy and "normal" childhood that he didn't experience as a child. However, once Ozai saw a chance in becoming Fire Lord and fulfilling Sozin's dream and legacy. Ozai gave up on the lenient and caring fatherly act because it was unnatural to him given his own personal childhood and relationship with his own father Fire Lord Azulon. Along with the fact that Ozai probably believes that with Ursa gone; he finally can stop coddling his children after their childhood has ended.

Unfortunately, Ozai cares more about the Fire Nation's imperialistic ambitions than the happiness of his wife and children. At the end of the day, Ozai doesn't understand and value the unconditional and pure love of a parent because he probably has never gotten to experience it with Fire Lord Azulon probably being resentful over Fire Lady Ilah's brutal and horrific death in childbirth!

Ozai's harshness and brutal parenting style and domineering expectations are because Ozai wants Zuko and Azula to both prove themselves. Ozai doesn't favor Zuko or Azula. It is about which child will succeed Sozin, Azulon, and his legacy as future Fire Lord. In fact, Ozai doesn't want Zuko or Azula to think that they are the “favorite” child. He wants Azula and Zuko to improve through competition. Because of the “only the greatest of pressures can forge diamonds” & “steel sharpen steel” mentality. Ozai has the mentality of an imperialist warlord. Ozai isn't trying to be the world's most loving and caring father but rather continue and build upon a powerful and dominant legacy that his forefathers had created before him. He wants Zuko & Azula to be cold, ruthless, heartless, vicious, and brutal imperialistic warmongers like him (Ozai), his father (Azulon), and his grandfather (Sozin).

#Sozin #Azulon #Ilah #Iroh #Ozai #Zuko #Azula #Fire Nation Royal Family #Fire Nation Parenting #Fire Nation Culture #Fire Nation Society #ATLA #Avatar: TLA #Avatar: The Last Airbender #Royal Fire Fam Cycle of Abuse #Fire Nation Royal Family Meta

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crimson0lake · 8 months

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BSD characters as parents! Pt6

Pt1 - Pt2 - Pt3 - Pt4 - Pt5 - Pt6 - Pt7 - Pt8

Masterlist

Small explaination: I probably need to do this sooner but in these scenarios I try to take all the possibilities and give the most realistic reactions and headcanons based on the characters. So no specific genders specific state like marriage or adoption and specific personality for the child.

Warnings: mentioned gun, knife

A.n: I tried my best, I hope I characterized him correctly, I didn't read the light novels so I'll try to understand his character by what I heard, read and watched in anime, image from BSD manga!. I should probably sleep but no-

Characters: Nakahara Chuuya

Chuuya:

Marriage or not? Both is possible. As with every port Mafia member, they can and would get in physical relationship if they wanted something/need something/for a mission. He is no exception to that.

If it's from a marriage, my guy doing everything to give his partner everything they need (I use they cause adoption while in marriage is a possibility) but if it's from a physical relationship he probably won't take the child at first, of course he would visit the woman he got pregnant during pregnancy and give her money for needs

Yet when the baby is born, he would take the child if the mother don't care/try to put them in adoption/neglect or abuse the child. But if the mother is good, he would react more calm, he still visit the house once in a while but not too much (to not take attention that he has a child from a affair), he would still send plenty of money tho

He would inform Mori about the child, which his boss wouldn't mind, cause why worry? Mori got himself another thing to use against Chuuya to keep him in Mafia.

He won't act different to genders as well, yeah he may use more swear words if the child is a boy, and try to be more like a gentleman if the child is a girl. But nothing more, he would treat genders equally, going on shopping? Sure thing, his child also coming with him. Visiting another country? He would book first class seats for him and his child

He is his child's guardian, no matter where they come from (marriage, adoption, physical relationship, etc) he would protect them from the cruelty of the world and try to show it's bright sides.

He would teach his child how to respect everyone. Only exceptions are the ones who don't deserve any respect. He would let them kick those people. He would probably teach them how to use a gun or a knife. He probably even let his child (around their middle teenage years, 15-18) drink very small amount of wine while they were with him. Only they would know how it would taste like. He woudnt let them drink real alcohol till they are adult tho.

He won't them spoil much, he don't want his child to grow up to be a spoiled kid who thinks they can get everything. No, he probably would do things like "if you do these, then we can do these." He tries to give his child best childhood while trying to keep them from getting too spoiled and grow up to be a good person

One of his greatest fears is that losing his child. He would always make sure his child is in a safe place and with someone he trusts before he use corruption, before he leaves for a mission, or just going to shopping. He is scared, he don't want to lose his child like he lose sheep and flags..

Their first friend is probably Kouyou, she is the calm and caring grandma/aunt. She is like Fukuzawa, she grow up traditionally so she would teach the child manners, how to wear yukata, sit properly and most likely (regardless of the gender) the etiquettes.

Small headcanon: he is probably the kind of father who would mess with his child's hair then put his head on their head.

Their second friend which Chuuya almost hit with a chair but couldn't as he was holding his child is Dazai. He probably once took the child to a theme park without telling Chuuya, causing the ginger man to almost have an panic attack when he coudnt find his child, and when he called Dazai, he probably was like "oh yeah, I took them to theme park!"

Not to say Chuuya won't let Dazai babysit his child after that day.

Kouyou also Chuuya's child's babysitter most of the time. If she is busy then Akutagawa. If Akutagawa is busy, then he would complains all the time but calls Dazai to look after his child after lots warnings and setting versious of rules

At the mention of Akutagawa, he is child's third friend, and he somehow has a siblings like relationship with Chuuya's child

Weirdly he isn't totally confused with the child, (regardless of the gender) the child would remind him of his sister, which makes him less grumpy and cold around the child.

Chuuya.. actually wants his child to be away from Mafia, but he is stuck in a dilemma. He wants to run away from Mafia since he knew it would only bring harm and misfortune for his child in both present and future; but he also knows he can't run away from the Mafia, both his royalty and the manipulation Mori put on him wont let him run away.

But he won't be too surprised if his child end up in Mafia or in a gang. He raised them to be respectful and protect the weak ones like him, so if his child does the opposite, he is disappointed and angry. He would have a talk with his child, which would make them behave (cause Chuuya's anger is actually would be scary) and if they don't: he just proud that his child is a good person even in bad side

If his child manage to get in good side: my guy is happy, he would even let one or two tears run down his cheek when his child is having a normal life. It hurts, of course it would, when he realise that means he can't join them, hug them, reassure them, or do anything they do in past. If he do it would only make his child like a target to people who hated Chuuya/hated Port Mafia

He would have a soft smile on his face when his child achieve what they wanted in life. He is sending money to them every week, he is making sure they have plenty of money they need. He would also put some of his members to watch after them as he works, he would be lost if he lost his child.

He probably give his child his hat before they completely left, at least a part of him would be with them and give them small bit of comfort when they are no longer near each other..

If his child decides to fight against port mafia however: oh he is scared, he know what mafia is capable of, he know very well. He would try to convince his child to just give up live a normal life. But if they continue, the talk that start with him trying to convince them would turn into an argument.

He would tell Dazai, he don't like doing that but if there's someone who can protect his child from port Mafia, that's Dazai. He won't be annoyed or mad to Dazai which would make the burnet realise how serious the topic was to Chuuya.

He would still order his men to not shoot his child anywhere it could be serious. He knows about Yosano but he still won't risk his child to something stupid. Also he would always fight against his child, he don't trust other than himself and Kouyou to fight against his child.

Not that he is mad or wants to fight against them, but to protect them. He knows he and Kouyou can hold themselves back and won't harm his child seriously..

Overall protective, yet calm father. Who is also can be pretty funny and spoiling. His child is one of the main things that makes him feel like a human being, he is always proud of them. He loves them dearly and shows it via actions

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buckera · 4 months

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I think your takes about 9-1–1 have been very nuanced and speak to your love for the show so I while I might have some differences in opinion, I really look forward to your thoughts and thank you for sharing with us your joy and passion.

I have really grown to love all the characters and their stories throughout the years. I have no idea where the plot is going but I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing how much love people have for this show, the characters and the cast.

I know it can be really messy at times but I’m excited for where the show is going.

I was curious about your thoughts on how the show handles growth and flaws because I really like how complex each of the characters are and that’s one of the main selling points for me to continue watching so I would love to hear what you think :)

also if you have any recommendations for other shows to watch I would love to hear those as well :)

okay, first of all you are so so kind, it made my chin wobble a little bit 🥹

and I love your attitude, because yeah, we don't have to have the same opinions on anything, especially not in fandom, but you know, having fun and throwing stuff at the wall without trying to spit into each other's soup? that's what it's all about.

I'm gonna cut this in half because I went into ramble mode oops

when it comes to growth and being flawed. GOD YES. this is the reason I love this show, possibly more than I have ever loved any other.

for one, it doesn't tone it down, it doesn't leave a grey area of "was that really abuse?" "was that really neglect?" "was that invasive?" "was that really cheating?" because it was. the mistake and the flaw is always clear from the get go.

Hen cheating on Karen, Chimney lying to Tatiana, Maddie stalking that woman, Buck cheating on Taylor, Bobby being an addict, Athena killing people, Eddie enlisting, Shannon leaving to care for her mother, the Buckley parents lying to Buck and neglecting their children. all of that and more.

I was kind of surprised when I first started watching it that we had people cheating and leaving their children and killing people. that was just not the general vibe I was expecting after coming into it, thinking it'd be just some dramedy type firefighter procedural lmao

instead, I was hit with all the main characters lying, cheating, abusing their positions, being addicts and so on and then we got to see them for who they all were beyond that; heroes, people who risk their lives every day to help others.

the way the show portrays characters in such a human way, instead of saying "this character is bad" or "this character is good"; they are all just people trying their best and often times failing miserably.

I don't wanna make this too long, but the theme of cheating and parents abandoning their children (either physically or emotionally) is very rampant on the show — and so is forgivness. so far no character has cheated without being caught out for it and also being forgiven, and no parent has lost the right for redemption.

sure, I am less than pleased about Chim's dad and the Buckley parents... but if their kids are willing to let them be part of their lives and allow them room to grow and repent? then that's actually part of their growth as well.

Eddie and Shannon and Maddie, they have all left their kids out of fear of doing wrong by them or out of duty for another family member in Shannon's case; they all came back and worked hard every day to be the parents their kids deserved.

this is not something you see on other TV shows. if a parent leaves and comes back, there is a flare up of emotions and then a reconciliation in the same episode and then we move on, not to mention these are usually all adult children of the parents and there is no significant other in the picture complicating things further.

my point is; they are all so, so messy and flawed and they are all trying to do better (most of them anyway) and this is the human condition and it gets rough and ugly sometimes, but I think this show captures that better than any other, while also giving us the whole spectrum of emotions.

and while they all get a chance (or more) to better themselves and earn forgivness from the people they hurt; we see the hurt live on. Karen is still insecure about Hen cheating years ago, Bobby still struggles not to have a drink to this day, Eddie forgave Shannon the best he could but he never got closure and he never learned to trust that he's enough and Amir doesn't want revenge, but can't quite forgive Bobby either. the hurt never goes away no matter what and the work on themselves continues.

I could really go on forever, so I'm just gonna stop here lmao

on recommendations though; I don't watch too many new things cuz I either get sucked in or totally bored BUT following the theme of being flawed and growing, my absolute main recommendations would be Scrubs and Daredevil the netflix series (though mind you, neither of these have an active fandom atm)

and then if you like that sort of thing It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia; but that one is about flawed people who will never get better and are doomed to be trash and toxic and codependent for the rest of their lives — and it covers some real problematic topics, not always in the best way though (that being said, the actors/writers are pretty socially sensitive and everything problematic is in there because it is problematic)

thank you for this ask, it made my day, truly 💛✨

#i bet this is full of typos ugh #911 #911 abc #ask #anon

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angelsdean · 1 year

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thinking abt this ask some more and well, it also all boils down to dean is not john because dean is not john.

dean is his own person with different life experiences and trauma and morals and agency. yes dean learned and internalized some things from john, and learned to filter most of his emotions into anger bc anger was a safer emotion to express under john's roof than fear or sadness.

but dean literally IS NOT john. he's dean. and crucially he is a victim of john, who was Thee angry man in the house. john is the first person he learned pain and shame and anger and self-hatred from. and dean has not been able to properly unpack or cope with those early experiences or any of the other traumatic events that follow. for nearly 40 years. PLUS 40 years of hell trauma. and still !! still !! dean tries to do better. he apologizes and he expresses his regret for past actions and even his worst actions are rooted in love and a need to protect. he most often acts out of fear, worry, and/or grief. as cas said, the good and the bad, everything he has done has been for love. he fears jack and is angry at jack during widowers arc because he loved cas so much and does not yet know jack is good and can be trusted. his reaction is understandable. we as the audience see and receive more information than the characters. dean has every right to be fearful and wary.

but anyways. back to dean and john. widower's arc IS meant to draw that parallel between them. we're supposed to see dean echoing john. we're supposed to feel john's ghost acting through dean. but we are also meant to see where they diverge. dean does not become obsessed with revenge. he does not go on a quest to get cas back (despite how much he wants him back) and abandon everyone else. he even starts to come around to jack, even before cas gets back.

then, there's john and his own complicated trauma. and i do feel some empathy and sadness for him. but his trauma is notably different from dean's, and that's why dean garners more of my empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.

john felt abandoned after his father's disappearance and then internalizes those abandonment issues and those unresolved feelings fester into anger. then john enlists illegally in the military chasing his father's ghost. in the military he experiences more trauma. but he did choose to go into the military. it's different from dean being forced to be a soldier and weapon for his father from a young age. john was 17 ? when he enlisted and did so of his own free will (as much free will as you can have being one of chuck's blorbos but still, you get what i'm saying), while dean never had a choice, and by the time he had the choice to leave he'd already been guilt tripped into staying by john and also had very few connections outside of the winchester family unit. IF dean were to leave john (after sam left) he'd be largely alone because john never let them forge connections and relationships. john purposely kept them isolated from others, which is a tactic of abuse. finally, john loses mary which exacerbates his preexisting issues, anger, and trauma. losing mary was not the catalyst that turned john "bad" it was just an accelerator added to the fire that had been slow-burning for years.

so yes, both john and dean have abandonment issues regarding their fathers, except john's are based on a perceived abandonment that he lets become a deep anger and propel his actions re: joining the military. whereas dean is literally abandoned and neglected repeatedly and often throughout his childhood which leads to a lot of unresolved fear and anxiety regarding losing people and people leaving him. cas dying during widower's arc and losing mary at the same time too (and crowley!) definitely triggers those deep seated fears and anxieties. dean also just as trauma surrounding death bc of mary. dean, like john, also has trauma surrounding being a soldier and having to kill people. however, john chose that path (and then later chose hunting) while dean had that life thrust upon him. (the first time he's handed a gun he is six years old and his father believes he somehow has a "killer instinct"). finally, dean, like john, loses cas who is yes mary-coded during widower's arc and he is left with a child. however, unlike john, this child is also an extremely powerful being whom dean knows nothing about except the fact that he is the biological son of lucifer. he also believes jack manipulated cas and got him killed. people will parallel jack to sam in this instance but john likely had no idea sam was infected with demon blood until much later after years of research and following azazel's trail. so early on, john's neglect and mistreatment of sam and dean cannot be blamed on john being afraid of sam or something like that. john IS afraid of the world though. he's paranoid as all heck and that fuels a lot of his actions. but dean is not wrong in this case for being wary of jack. he has every right to be afraid, it's just that his fear, coupled with grief, ends up being expressed as anger. the same may be true for john in those early years, but eventually, john lets his anger and need for vengeance consume him and he prioritizes the hunt over his children. as he says in 1x22, "killing this demon comes first. before everything." dean wants cas and mary and crowley back, but he doesn't put it before everything. he doesn't turn away from sam or jack to pursue that quest.

dean is not john because dean is dean. he doesn't see the world as black and white as john did. he still has fears and trauma that when triggered have him reverting to old, ingrained habits, but most often, he wants to do good and help people. he cares about his family and wants them to be safe and alive. sometimes he will go to extremes to make sure that happens. but his actions are always rooted in love and care. cas saw him as a being of love. as more than what john tried to make him. more than a blunt instrument. more than a weapon for heaven and hell. more than chuck's favorite toy. dean is dean. and that's why cas loves him. and that's why *i* love him.

#mini essay slash love letter to dean at 1am? sure why not #this was supposed to be shorter than my ask response but well. i have things to say #family dynamics #dean studies

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sunnydayroleplay · 2 years

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Hi! How are you feeling?I know you're taking a break, but I couldn't get this off my mind. And I would kill to have it written. You can ignore this if you need, but I'm gonna put it down regardless. What is your take on Joseph's childhood? Did he runaway? Why did he? How did his parents treat him if he did indeed have parents? Why is he the way he is now? How much of Jack is truly in Joseph? Or better yet, how much of Joseph is left in Jack?

Hi! I'm okay, I'm doing much better! Thank you for asking. I've thought about this idea before, and I was reminded of a few posts I've seen. So this post might be slightly influenced ehe. I'll edit links when I find them!! Until then, let's write it! Contents Inside: Child Neglect, Marital Problems, Abuse, Alcoholism, Drug Use, Murder.

This is all pure speculation and theory! Don't mistake it for true lore :3 ______________________________________________________________

Before we go into what Joseph's childhood was like before he ran away, let's begin to what is was before. Now when it comes to this, I have two ideas. Before it all went downhill, Joseph was a normal child. His parents still madly in love since the day they met and wedded; treating him well, and wonderful. His school-life normal, good grades, a decent amount of peers. He had hobbies, likes and dislikes. It was alright, and "just alright" was perfect for him. Unfortunately, in the worst case scenarios, perfect doesn't last forever. Now, with this, we could go a series of ways. The parents begin to struggle financially. Possibly someone got laid off from work, possible infidelity. There's so much we could go on about. But I'll leave your opinions to you. For now, we'll say that the marriage started getting rocky, jobs gotten and lost. His parents couldn't afford to have a kid anymore. So they started neglecting him. Putting him up for adoption was a no-go. What would their parents think. Or all their peers the next time they got a job and suddenly everything went alright? They'd be right back to where they once were. They began to neglect Joseph once he was at the age where he could talk decently somewhat, express his needs, and know basic life necessities. We're talking 10-12 years old here. Joseph began struggling both mentally and physically, due to the constant fighting going around between his parents. Berating from his own mother every time he walked into the door. His dad reaching for and grabbing anything within his reach to beat Joseph black and blue when he didn't do something in record breaking time. Whenever he walked out of his room, he's walking on thin ice because he doesn't know if it'll be a literal slap on the wrist, or being locked out for days. With the constant shitty home life, his school life was affected enormously. His grades went down, and he just got around with the wrong people. He was like any "out of place" child. All he truly wanted was attention and some sort of leverage to lean against. Someone to just listen because he's used to being ignored. By the time he was in high-school, he got into some worse shit. We can only assume that he got into drugs, underage drinking, and a smoking addiction that followed him into adulthood. Hence the line: “You’ve changed. You’re clean now. You can be whatever you wanna be.” Coming from Jack in the ‘Bad Yogurt’ Ending. I mean, someone doesn’t change their entire identity without a reason. Now, as it was mentioned in the tapes (In the official game itself), in an “interview” with the the *other* Joseph asks “Mr.Haberdae” about his tattoos. He mentions how Haberdae most likely went through a troublesome childhood, wanted to lash out, stand out from everyone else, and Haberdae more or less agrees.

But before we get into his adulthood-death part, lets go back to ‘running away’. I believe he ran away around 15-16. The reason I don’t think he ran way any younger was because of pure fear. Being 10-12, you don’t know any better really. You’re scared to leave because you know you have no where else to go. Because of the environment you grew up in, who would want to take a “dumb, useless child”? No one. He didn’t run away that young, because he was scared that he was going to go through so much worse. But now? Hes a teenager, he knows sure of a lot more, he has more opinions and more knowledge of the outside world. “No one cares, not even your parents.”

The sun is getting ready to set, the sky is just a beautiful orange sunsetty color. The clouds wispy, and the air freshly crisp. In the middle of it all, the sun hiding behind him, Joseph walking down his neighborhood sidewalk thinking to himself. His hands in his pockets, looking around side to side as if he’s just waiting for his parents to rush out the door and chase him down, knowing full well they won’t. His school backpack now filled with clothes instead of stationary. Two water bottles stuck at the sides, with about 5.78 in change. He didn’t have much, but it was enough to catch a bus, maybe hitchhike a ride. Didn’t matter where, but he just had to go. His mind raced with an array of thoughts and emotion, but he had to do it. He wanted to get as far away as possible from this wretched town.

He knows can’t live on 5 dollars for the rest of his (unknowingly short lived) life. He’s gotta do something. And he’s got a few options. Go door to door where asking if someone needs help with anything for some pocket change, try and get a job that’ll take him, pickpocket. And he has tried. Door to door didn’t work well unless it was a widowed old lady, Joseph gave up trying to find a job real quick, but pick pocketing was a surprising success. As soon as Joseph turned 18, finding leverage and begging for forgiveness if he was caught wouldn't be so easy. Joseph would need to find out how to get off of the streets and into his own sheets. Without a way to get a job, at least a good paying one, he had to do something. It's possible he could've traded sexual favors for either some food in his mouth, a bed to sleep in for the rest of the night, and/or once again some quick cash. Anything he could do to get by, right? We don't know when he auditioned for the role of Sunny Day Jack, or how old he was when he was accepted. Let alone when the show was even created. So who knows how long he was passing his body for a couple dollars. I mean, depending on how long, he most likely desensitized to the idea of sex somewhat, mainly because he's the one initiating it for some cash once again. (That's not to say he's not desensitized to being the one asked about having sex. ) But it's still a sensible topic considering he only did it because he needed to get by, not because he wanted to have fun. In the interview, live on air! He's asked an array of questions depicting of his body, and why he chose to be a host of a kids show. He was generally asked question that were probably very uncomfortable because they not only dug through those sensible topics, but because he's supposed to be in character for a kids show! Kids all around the world tuning in to hear their favorite character. But we're getting off track here. The moral of the story is that Joseph was a "bad" person, who just wanted to change for the better. For his own sake. When it comes to the question, "How much of Joseph is in Jack?" I think that it's about 50/50. Or Joseph is still Jack. Jack is a character. He's this wholesome, perfect person in which everyone looks up too. He's the leader of the Sunny Time Crew. Never makes a mistake. He's a helper, he's just perfect in any way. In the game, you think that someone like Jack would think about murdering anyone in his way? Let alone murder? Have sex with you? Of course not! He works with kids for crying out loud! All this NSFW content is not even a thing in the Sunny Time Universe. Joseph is the man who plays the character. He's any normal person, he makes mistakes, he's not the person who you'd think that would never even make it through the door of the studio that produces this show. Joseph could kill if he wanted too, he has had sex, NSFW experiences were definitely a thing for him. The Jack we know is a basic fusion in a way. All the good traits of Jack, his wholesomeness, his ability to never make mistakes, to be perfect. That's all Jack. But the other side, the killing, the ability to hurt, to be physically passionate. That's all Joseph. The Jack we know wouldn't be the same without Joseph. That love we get from him wouldn't be the same. It would be empty in a way. Jack love everybody! But Joseph loves you. Joseph loves specifically you. He chose to give and fill you with all the love he ever could. Without Joseph “ in “ Jack personality wise, the Jack in the game we all love wouldn’t be the same. That love wouldn’t be as personalized.

In the end they’re the same person, but without the other, differences will be made.

#jacktor #sdj jack #sdj jacktor #sdj joseph #sunny day jack #somethings wrong with sunny day jack #sunny day jack roleplay #swwsdj #sunny day jack joseph #sdj jean #sunny day jack fanfic #sdj ian #sdj nick #sdj shaun #sunny day jack jean #swwsdj jean #rory rainberry #sunny day jack fanart #sunny day jack oc

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cosmichighpriestess · 6 months

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Off with their heads.

Chosen ones, a lot of people are finding out the hard way that you are not the same person you used to be. They are fucking around and they are finding out. These pickmeishas, these attention whores if you will are using your energy, your presence, your name for their own reputations and their own benefit while smearing your name and smiling in your face. These cowards could never tell you to your face they talked badly on your name for years. Not knowing who you were, not knowing your name holds weight in high places, not knowing by cursing you they are cursing themselves.

They are talking a lot but not much of substance is coming out of their dirty mouths. When you are a person who walks in integrity, you chosen ones, and you are also very understanding, compassionate, kind, forgiving with lower vibrational people, (not being disrespectful, its better than calling them a narcissist) many of these people will take your kindness for weakness. They downplayed our strength, our intelligence, they downplayed our ability to stand up for ourselves over and over. They play the boy who cried wolf while throwing the stones at your back. Archangel Michael is laughing hysterically at them. God is saying, stand back my children and watch what I will do while they think you are all alone.

Many of us feared being seen as the villain or even being excluded from the family or group for speaking out against injustices when being disrespected, abused, neglected, not believed and downplayed but now we don't care what anyone thinks because we rather be hated for who we are than loved for who we are not. We know who we are, we know we always have pure intentions and want everyone to win because that's who we are as souls connected to the most high. That is why we don't care what anyone thinks about our reputation or our healthy boundaries and our self respect, our self love because we know we will already be misunderstood for protecting our peace. We've accepted we will be misunderstood for life. Unbothered by people living in denial and unbothered what they think because we have already been through hell, we have already died a million times, gone through the dark night of the soul for years and been reborn so we're not going through disrespect again for someone who doesn't know any better it's like watching toddlers try to play with the big boys. In my case, I'm a high priestess with authority to cast out demons.

We burn bridges because we know we can swim. We see through the illusionary game the first time around and we don't stick around to find out that you're a person who lacks integrity and that is sent to hold us back. They are mad that we see through their game before they can even play it. We were always powerful but we didn't want to abuse our own power, some of course were blinded to our own power for decades and we thought we had none until we went on their own self discovery journey. Our journey into the unknown was our journey into self. People saw our power before we did. They didn't want us to see our own power and light so they constantly put us down relying on our kindness and forgiveness to get away with their disrespect and abuse for years and decades. Now we're becoming free and being set free while receiving our good karma but we can still observe the lower dimensions of people living in anxiety, fear, chaos and their own hell they created by hurting innocent children and people.

These people would come into our lives and drain our energy. These energetic vampires were feasting on our pure energy and light because they lost their own light. People saw us as naive and sweet until they met the multiple different aspects of us by using their insults disguised as jokes. Many people saw me as a therapist in their own life to dump all of their problems onto. People would literally say to me. ," that was a great therapy session let's do this again next time. " leaving me completely drained. Leaving me feeling used. Never holding space for me to talk about my own life and traumas then gaslighting me to make me doubt my own intuition when I told the truth about their family member or friend.

So I isolated myself for years and then I was called stuck up, selfish, two faced, manipulative, evil etc. for taking my energy and time back. I barely had any energy to begin, as being a single autistic mom is already draining enough. I had so much compassion and so much love to give that it was easy for them to take advantage of my kind nature. Can you imagine attacking a single mom all because she triggered your insecurities by existing and smiling? My happiness was triggering for miserable people so I hid my smile for years. They had to steal my joy anytime I was caught smiling or feeling good. But they didn't know that I had another side to me that I never wanted to unleash on any soul. Now, because so many people have mistaken my kindness for weakness, I have unleashed the lion within me. People are finding out the hard way not to disrespect me, oppress me or mistreat me and I'm sure chosen ones you are going through a similar situation. Our intuition is always screaming at us who is for us and against us.

Every single person I encounter is testing my boundaries, testing the waters to see what they can get away with and they are getting away with nothing. I am calling out abuse left and right. I am calling out years of mistreatment, disrespect, belittlement, manipulation, weaponized incompetence, gaslighting, control, smear campaigns, and neglect every single time. These arrogant people feel entitled to our time and energy as if they even deserved it in the first place. They perceive us as being alone and think they can get away with anything because physically, yes we are alone. Spiritually however we are far from alone. Archangel Michael loves and stands up for his Chosen ones. His behavior mimics almost similar to demonic activity.

He watches and waits to see what these lower vibrational people will do when presented with a loving, innocent looking, healing person in front of them. He lets them fuck around with us until it goes too far. Archangel Michael does not play about his Earth Angels and chosen ones. His behavior shows when there is an evil injustice done to innocents. These foolish elementary level humans actually believe that they are entitled to our presence and that we owe them our presence, our time,our money, our abundance, our energy, our healing, our labor and our wisdom while giving us nothing but trauma in return. They think that they can talk to us any way that they want, treat us however they want, waste our valuable time, energy and use us for free. They exploited us and inserted misery into our lives as payment for all the unconditional love and healing we gave them along with our abundance and luck we earned. They manipulated us into giving them what they wanted.

As if our energy and time are not valuable, as if we are not worthy of respect and boundaries. It is a shame that they have to find out the hard way that we were never alone. We only appeared to be alone. We are used as bait for people that have bad intentions for Earth Angels to receive their karma. Now they will face the same situations they wished upon us, which for some they wished death upon us. They should have found something more safe to play with. Come out, come out wherever you are God says. My chosen ones will be vindicated and you will receive everything that you are due. May everyone receive what they deserve.

#chosen ones #curse breakers #black sheep

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jorisjurgen · 6 months

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43 for the jurgen-crepins? These characters have been living in my brain recently haha.

@dullard bc he also asked this, in his ask

43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

I had to sit down and think about this bc like that's some Deep stuff here...

Joris: Has no fucking idea what Kerubim is doing most of the time. It feels like a batshit insane chessgame. Is he wanting him to wash the dishes? Is he wanting him to stay at home and going at it in the most insane way? The world may never know. He knows well if Kerubim is feeling well or not, but his intentions always elude him.

He tends to assume the worst of people in general, because of his involvement in politics, and immortality. But it's easy for him to adjust to the knowledge that someone actually meant well, because he likes to give people chances (if they're willing to take them).

Otherwise, someone he thinks of as good turning out to be bad doesn't surprise him in the least. He's involved in courts. He's seen hundreds of sweet little princes and princesses grow up into kings and queens and commit warcrimes. He will come to kingdoms, be polite, give a gift or two to the royal family, all the while thinking of how aware he is, of the possibility. Though there are times when it stings, even now, to see someone grow into a worse version of themselves.

Also, he probably has a tendency to read into parent-child relationships and being relentlessly judgemental. I think in s4 he was trying to explode Eliatrope with his mind.

Kerubim: He's blind to any bad parenting that isn't outright physical/psychological/emotional abuse. He respects helicopter moms for their Passion, he respects neglectful parents for The Freedoms they provide, and he affectionately tells Joris that they're "best friends", and all of that is like, because of Ecaflip, even though on some level he does know he was mistreated.

He's very well at social stuff, when it doesn't concern his own personal life, — because when it concerns his personal life, he is chronically convinced everyone will leave. On some level, this delusion persists even 600 years deep into the codependent nightmare blunt rotation (though now not in a "they will leave :(" way, but in a "they can't leave me even if they want to :(" way.). He carries a lot of guilt about Atcham and Joris, so, he tends to catastrophize any of their bad moods, but also — he knows that he catastrophizes, so he has to gaslight himself that he isn't anxious (he's too proud to ask for reassurance) (his cluster-b swag...)

I think every time it is brought to his attention that Joris or Atcham don't like something he did, he deflates and begins feeling violently suicidal and nauseous and in physical pain. Which isn't his fault, but is the reason Joris doesn't ever bring anything up.

Atcham: EVERYONE IS ALWAYS OUT TO GET HIM AND HE NEEDS TO SHOOT THEM BEFORE THEY SHOOT HIM AND THEY ARE LAUGHING AT HIM. Besides having homicidal thoughts towards tired store clerks because they're looking at him weird (after a 10-hour shift), and reading too much into any conflict, — I think he's bad at getting it when someone dislikes him. He'll often think that someone who's acting polite out of fear/disgust Loves him. (Bad social skills from having no friends as a child + The 'tism)

If he is informed that someone he thought liked him actually hates him, he isn't surprised. Just angry. Angry at not being told out of the gate. When he's informed that someone doesn't hate him, he's pleasantly surprised. Like "oh they're jussst... annoyed today? not becaussse of me? hm." and he thinks about it for like a week.

600 years deep into the codependent nightmare blunt rotation, he is mostly out of this never-ending paranoia nightmare (he's too happy to be thinking about this shit anymore). He still doesn't get it when someone dislikes him, but it doesn't bother him as much if he realizes he's disliked, because that person is wrong and stupid, and doesn't deserve his glorious self anyway, and if nobody got him, then Joris and Kerubim got him.

Off-topic, but 1. He's kind of like Laios in terms of social skills and being creepy and off-putting. Except our guy's special interests are dismemberment, swords, and wig making. They have the same type of "my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon 😭" autism. 2. I think he is anomalously good at detecting bad parenting that isn't physical/psychological/emotional abuse. Mostly because he likes to make fun of Kerubim, and it makes him predisposed to want to poke holes in Joris's Happy Childhood Memories. Makes him weirdly suited to give Joris DIY therapy. ("And did the sssstupid sssshelf ever fall on you? Ever sssstubbed your toe and landed on a russssty nail?" "Oh shut it-- I-- He got me vaccinated against that! After the first time" "SDDFGFAFS😭😭😭😭")

#ask games #ro.txt

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cityoftheangelllls · 9 months

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My Christmas Wish

Of course I will always love Christmas and always look forward to it, and I live for indulging myself with the nostalgia and gingerbread house making and spirit of giving and marathoning of classic Christmas movies, I feel that it's not as magical as it was when I was a child, and it's not just because of the trials and pains that come with getting older, but also because I realize that there are so many people out there who are less fortunate, and, for that reason, this time of year brings them a lot of pain.

There is not a day that goes by when I don't count my lucky stars and thank God for how fortunate I am. I live in a safe neighborhood and home with a loving family (even though they drive me nuts and we butt heads sometimes), I have a lot of friends, I have a good job, I enjoy indulging in my favorite hobbies and talents, and I find so much in the world that brings me joy and comfort and makes it worth it to keep on trucking when I'm not feeling my best. Oh, and I'm well on my way to getting my own place to live soon, or at least start looking for one.

And that makes it all the more painful when I think of people who don't have these things.

There are children and young adults living in dysfunctional or abusive homes, with people who don't love or care for them, feeling more neglected and worthless than ever each time this time of year comes around.

There are people living on the streets, completely alone, with no home, no family, no friends, no comfort, wondering when they're going to be able to eat next or if their death is coming soon.

There are people living in areas stricken by war and violence, fearing for their lives, unable to even celebrate due to their homes being destroyed and resources being cut off, wondering if this is going to be their last holiday season.

There are people struggling with disordered eating, hating themselves for eating even the smallest meal or the tiniest morsel of chocolate, especially as this time of year is focused on feasting and making yummy sweet treats.

There are people who are financially struggling or in dire poverty, living paycheck to paycheck, unable to do even the barest minimum for themselves or their families and friends, and it breaks their hearts that they are unable to give them something special this time of year.

There are groups of people who are not Christian or don't celebrate Christmas feeling ostracized and left out due to their different religions and traditions, and are likely to be even more targeted by hateful people during this time of year.

Finally, there are people who are just lonely, feeling alone at a time when no one should be alone.

These people should never be forgotten about during this time of year.

If I could make a single Christmas wish and have it come true in an instant, it would be that all this sadness and pain would stop. That everyone would feel safe, comfortable, and loved during the holidays, and that I wouldn't have to read about all the tragedy happening in the world, away from my small, sheltered, peaceful neighborhood.

Sadly, such tragedy has been the way of the world for ages, and it will continue so long as some humans out there are selfish and continue these painful cycles.

Needless to say, my heart is with everyone out there who feels alone and unloved during the holidays. You are NOT, I repeat, NOT obliged to feel happy and jovial during the holidays, nor are you obliged to celebrate them if you desire not to. Just know that you are NOT alone and there is at least one person out there who cares for you and wishes you all the best.

Whether you're religious or not, the holiday season is all about giving and being around your loved and cherished ones. And even though I consider myself lucky, I know there are plenty of people out there who are far less fortunate, and I want to give by extending my heart and my compassion to them.

#random thoughts from angie #christmas #holidays #december #important

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