#my 14x08 opinion

[shallowseeker]

When you’re not supposed to be here...and were you even worth the sacrifice?

BOBBY: Damn it, Dean. DEAN: Which is why we gotta find this yellow-eyed son of a bitch. That's why I'm gonna kill him myself. I mean, I got nothing to lose now, right? BOBBY: (He grabs DEAN by the collar) I could throttle you! DEAN: What, and send me downstairs ahead of schedule? BOBBY (He lets go of DEAN): What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad. You're both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit. DEAN: That's my point. Dad brought me back, Bobby. I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something good could come out of it, you know? I--I--It's like my life could mean something. BOBBY: What? And it didn't before?! Have you got that low of an opinion of yourself? Are you that screwed in the head?! (He grabs DEAN again) DEAN: (Choking up) I couldn't let him die, Bobby. I couldn't. He's my brother. BOBBY: How is your brother gonna feel when he knows your going to hell? How'd you feel when you knew your dad went for you?

-2x22

///

CHUCK: Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story. CASTIEL: Yeah, well... (he glances at DEAN) We're making it up as we go. CHUCK’s computer screen flickers as a great rumbling begins, accompanied by a blinding white light. CHUCK: Aw, man! Not again! No!

-4x22 ///

CLAIRE: You know … My father was a good man. In what messed up world does he have to die and you get to live? CASTIEL: I’m sorry. CLAIRE: No. You feel guilty. There’s a difference. 10x09

///

CAS: Not for years… eons maybe. But if you'll agree, I will go now, and I will go willingly. COSMIC ENTITY: Deal. ... CAS: Easy. It's all right. JACK: (emotional, angry) Why? Why did you do that?!

-14x08

///

AZAZEL: You of all people should know, that's what's dead, should stay dead. Anyway... thanks a bunch. I knew I kept you alive for some reason. Until now, anyway. I couldn't have done it without your pathetic, self-loathing, self-destructive desire to sacrifice yourself for your family.

-2x22

[missjackil]

My 14x08 Opinion

Byzanthium This one got me feeling some kinda way.... Lets start with Sam sitting bedside with Jack? Ughhh my heart!! Sam has sat bedside of people as they were dying, like Bobby and Claire, of course Dean, but you could see in his face and posture, this was a whole new feeling. A hint of anger came out for a second when Jack said “Tell him Im sorry” and Sam said “Tell him yourself!” but he got a grip and smiled softly “He’ll be right back” Jack couldnt have been any sweeter either. Of course this didnt help my heart any.  “Sam?” “Yeah?” “What happens next? For regular guys like me?” “I dont know” “Then this will be an adventure” Hear that?? Thats my heart shattering!! The amount of emotions Sam showed was heartbreakingly refreshing. No, we didnt get any sobbing, (on screen) but Ive resigned that he saves that for when Dean dies only, but my boy was definitely heart broken. His storming off had me worried. Sam doesnt always make the best decisions with a broken heart. I liked that Dean wanted to give him space... all the way up til Cas told him he left on his own. Then well... space be damned right? I loved that Dean instantly worried Sam made a deal.  I loved the scene with Sam angrily chopping the trees... it reminded me of Red Meat when Dean was taking it out on the trees also. Then he broke the axe head, he crumbled.... the self loathing came out once again that he cant even build his son a pyre. My boy was helpless and lost. Watch your step now, I havent gotten around to cleaning my heart up of the floor.  Now, the “Getting loaded for Jack” scene will go down in my mind as a classic iconic scene forever. Along with great scenes like Sams arms opening as hes about to jump into the pit in Swan Song, the Church scene in Sacrifice, “Sammy Close your eyes” in My Brothers Keeper, the Night Moves scene in Baby. I will always remember this episode by that scene. It was beautifully shot, The candy bars were nothing less than adorable, Sam having a genuine, dimple filled smile. All 3 of them laughing, having fun, drunk off their asses. Then Sam flips his glass and staggers off.... tapped out.  Now, how Sam didnt have a hangover the next morning, or how he came up with an idea how to bring Jack back after 5 whiskeys, shows my boy has some super powers I think LOL to bring Lily back was odd, but good. This showed me that even though they CAN bring people back from the dead, its still not an easy feat. They dont have a resurrection spell, or readily available demon to make a deal with, they didnt call on Billie. This is good. This will keep us wondering and worried about how they can bring each other back in the future. However, Lily coming back considerably shorter was weird... older, sure, I get it, but shorter? Anyway, I LOVED Sam angrily shouting “HE’S OUR KID!!!” at Lily. Its the first time Sam vocally acknowledged that he feels more for Jack than his friend or little brother. I know some of you think the whole “my 3 dads” thing is cheesey and too much like fanfic, but of everything they could have pulled out of fanfic. this one was pretty bold, and I think it works, and its beautiful. (Sure Id rather it just be Sam and Dean as daddies, but Ill accept the trio) The heaven scenes with Jack were good. Im glad he got time with Kelly. The heaven scenes with Cas and the angels was boring, and it seemed they didnt really know what to do with the Empty entity or what kind of deal Cas could make. So he makes a deal that seems as though he just cant let himself be happy. Not that big a deal, though it should upset the hellers eh? Since if he allows himself “to be happy with Dean” hes gonna get sucked into the Empty.  So we end with them “knowing where Michael is” which could kill my “hiding in Dean” theory, but I still have that in my pocket because 

Naomi said she had a general idea, so they dont know exactly

Dean still had those mysterious dizzy spells

Jensen said we will see Michael!Dean again at the 300th party

Jared said Sam will confront Michael

Trailers can be very missleading

Im looking forward to the mid season finale next week. One thing I will definitely say in favor of the post Kripke era, is the cliff hangers for the mid season are always good, even if the episode sucked, they always leave us on a cliff hanger that makes us stressed out and speculating for the whole hiatus. Kripke didnt do that so much, we had s1 “Oh dad is on the phone” S2 “Dean has a secret about Sam” S3 Very Supernatural Christmas and no cliff hanger. s4 Angels are gonna fight Demons (zzzzz) S5 Ellen and Jo died, and Lucifer cant be killed. Great episode, but not actually a cliff hanger. Where as even though S12 Lotus sucked, it was a great cliffy to have the boys carted off to Fed Prison. And last years being trapped in the Bad Place with a “dinosaur” or going back to Sam getting his soul back, or how dead is Bobby? You get the picture.

So needless to say I really loved this episode. A couple minor issues that wont really matter in the long run. So on a scale of Bloodlines to Who We Are Im gonna give this one a strong 9. Well done everyone... well done..

[caslighting]

Here's a breakdown of the German dub of 15x18 by a native German speaker, for anyone interested! The person does not have a Tumblr, this was shared on discord and cross-posted here with permission.

First of all a flashback back to 14x08: Cas making the deal with the Empty:

In the original version I believe The Empty is saying that she will take Cas in a moment when he "gives himself the permission to be happy", they changed it to "when you allow yourself to live a happy life". With our knowledge from 15x18 you can say that Cas wants to life together with Dean, that they have a happy life together.

Confessions Scene: What changed?

1. "One thing I want is something I know I can't have" --> "the one wish I have will never granted"

2. "It's in just saying it" --> "If you understand that, then it's yours"

3. "Knowing you had changed me" --> "My whole life changed"

4. "Don't do this Cas" --> "Please don't do this Cas"

5. "Goodbye Dean" --> "Farewell Dean"

More in Depth-Analysis of a few things

The first thing I noticed is, that they translated "happiness" into "Glück" which rather means "luck" than "happiness.

Another thing: "Weil der eine Wunsch den ich habe mir leider nie gegönnt sein wird" ("the one wish I have, will never granted). I don't really know how to give you the meaning of the word "gönnen" (grant/allow) because to allow something or to grant something means that you need permission from someone. "gönnen" means more that you are letting something happen, that you're pampering (I hope this is the right word) yourself or someone else by "granting" them/yourself that something.

So with "Glück" and "gönnen" it feels like happiness should never be taken for "granted". It is something precious, it's special. If you are happy, you can consider yourself lucky. Because of this, the fact that happiness is so rare and that Castiel only had short-lived life of this happiness makes the sacrifice so much heavier for me.

There is one phrase that really bothers me: "Daddys Werkzeug fürs Grobe"

In the original Cas says to Dean: "You're Daddys blunt instrument" which I would interpret as Dean doing whatever John tells him because of his blind obedience to his Dad.

The translation to "Daddys Werkzeug fürs Grobe" (idek how to translate this, something like: "'Daddys tool for the rough" maybe) which basically means that Dean is doing all the dirty work John doesn't want to do. Like this is so wrong. It is literally no problem to translate "blunt instrument" 1:1 into german, but no they just changed it to something complete different.

Then there is the "I love you"-Scene

Cas saying "Ich liebe dich" ("I love you", if you didn't know) broke my heart. I was so scared they would choose a different translation of "I love you". There is not even a little doubt that this is not romantic. Saying "Ich liebe dich" is something different in german (at least in my opinion). You just don't say this to random people like your best friends or your parents or whatever. You save it for someone special. It is not only a phrase, it's a decisions you make, a decision for your relationship. Saying "Ich liebe dich" for the first time to someone takes your relationship to another level. It screams for "You? -- Me? -- Forever!" you know?

Watching the confessions scene back in November for the first time, hearing Cas saying "I love you" to Dean, for me it felt way different this time. I didn't know if the "I love you" is romantic or platonic. I couldn't believe that it is romantic because this is something WE want for over 10 years, WE fought for this for over 10 years. The Writers crushed our hearts over the years over and over again, building Cas' and Dean's Relationship over all these years but also always crushed our hopes, broke our small Destiel-Hearts over and over again. And now you just gave us a simple "I love you"?

Back in November I was doubting myself. After the episode (4 am in the morrning) I didn't know what to think about this. What even is this? Do I even want this? Do I want to believe this implied a romance between Cas and Dean, like actually on screen? Just so that the Writers/Actors or whoever posts a day later on twitter that it was just a platonic love declaration and our hearts are crushed again. A day or two after the episode, Misha Collins said in a Zoom-Call that it was a romantic declaration of love. And I couldn't believed it. I still had doubts. And now 5 Months later I still sit here sometimes thinking: They made Destiel actually real, they did it. Of course we wanted more, but isn't this better than nothing?

What I wanted to say with this really long paragraph about the english scene is, that I think if I had watched Supernatural only in german, I wouldn't had any doubts after 15x18. Because a german "I love you" is in absolutely no way NOT romantic. It just don't work. So now I am realizing (late I know) yes, destiel is real and I will never doubt this.

TLDR: the german dub is most of the time a literal translation of the original. They changed a few words, left out some phrases, nothing spectecular there. Destiel is canon and we're all happy.

Thanks for coming to my Ted-Talk.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[deans-haunted-baby]

The Ones Left Behind

Alrighty time for some truth bombs. I’ve had almost a week to absorb the end of Supernatural and season 15 as a whole. And I think this is the moment where I need to throw in my two cents. For all intents and purposes I won’t go in-depth into 15x20 seeing as that conversation will just open up a whole other can of worms and I don’t need that headache. I have my reasons for being less than indifferent with how the Winchesters’ story concluded. So I won’t go there.

Instead I’ll be focusing all my energies on the unsatisfying conclusions of 4 particular characters. Two of which were main cast members (one that was on the show 12 years and one 4 years) while the other two (played by the same dude) were brought back after a decade long hiatus for a much-anticipated comeback only to be wasted and mangled unfairly by Dabb and his hack horde of a writing staff. Call this a follow up to my last post. If I sound bitter I am because these people don’t have a single clue on how to helm these characters, their relationships or their storylines 😠 Nor do they deserve them.

And yes I’m well aware of Kevin Tran, Rowena, Ketch and several others who got the shaft on this show. Those could be future posts for another time.

But I cannot stress this enough; ADAM MILLIGAN, JACK KLINE, MICHAEL AND CASTIEL ALL DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. There is no arguing these facts, none whatsoever. Not one of these characters deserved that exit to be the final chapter in their story. I won’t do an entire analysis of each character’s arc and role in the show as I’ve already done that in my rant about 15x19. But I will highlight how much season 15 royally screwed over these characters and tossed them aside like trash; as if none of them were ever part of/contributed anything to Sam and Dean’s history/world building of Supernatural’s universe.

*WARNING* This is going to get heated.

Before I dive into the heart of these issues I want to state this is not a “shipping post”. I don’t ship anyone on Supernatural, hopefully this blog has been pretty self-explanatory. So I have no arguments/opinions in those areas. I’ve been a fan of this series for 15 years because of the characters, the familial bonds and relationships formed between characters throughout its run. And I’m well-aware that the Winchesters are the lead protagonists of the show, no need to remind me. These are purely my own thoughts based what I’ve obtained from show canon. Let me just say I can’t get over just how much these writers contradicted and ignored what they put forth in the journeys of these four individuals. its a real headscratcher.

You mean to tell me that after TWELVE DAMN YEARS of Castiel being a rebellious warrior angel, searching for his own identity and meaning in life; making that promise to Kelly Kline about raising Jack as his own/risking his life for him. After sacrificing himself for his son a year ago, acknowledging he was satisfied with his role as a father which restored his faith; that it was all because of/for Dean Winchester? 

You mean to tell me that after Michael, THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN and PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, was locked away in a cage with a human whom he emotionally bonded with for thousands of years (10 years our time); who was abandoned, betrayed and manipulated by his neglectful/abusive father. After choosing free will and aligning himself with TFW for humanity’s sake, just sided with the Earth’s destruction because his little brother called him names? 

You mean to tell me that Jack, A THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who’s barely just beginning his life and spent his entire duration on the show wanting to be normal and not wanting to be special. Connecting and being integrated with humans; a child who’s biggest fear was outliving everyone he ever loved. Is suddenly ready to walk away from his family, his home and his teddy bear; to give up being a kid forever and run the universe?

You mean to tell me that Adam, SUPERNATURAL’S MOST INNOCENT CHARACTER and FORGOTTEN THIRD-WINCHESTER BROTHER, after being eaten by ghouls; pulled away from his mother out of Heaven, manipulated by angels, trapped in Hell for thousands of years because Sam and Dean left him there to rot. After coming back and helping his neglectful siblings save the world only to be ripped away from his best friend and THE ONLY OTHER PERSON who gave a damn about him; is sentenced to a life of loneliness, homelessness and turmoil until he dies and ends up in Hell where he’ll mostly be tortured and turned into a demon?

NO. I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT! 

Season 15 not only manages to contradict itself where these characters are concerned (while assassinating them before the final curtain). But the writers deliberately discarded them before giving us that *sarcasm inserted* epic solo-Winchester conclusion. Regardless of how you feel about Adam, Castiel, Jack or Michael, ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS are connected Sam and Dean’s story and part of Supernatural. And when you throw them away like they mean nothing, you’re essentially throwing away a part of the show’s history. You’re ignoring 15 years worth of story building. 

As I said I’m not going to go into 15x20 for reasons, it doesn’t offend me as much as what was done before that finale. Because I think those other show exits really affect 15x20 even worse than people realize. You want to know why, I’ll explain.

Lets start off with Castiel and Jack, OH BOY! We know where they end up; running Heaven and the Earth together which is all fine and dandy. I love my Dadstiel father/son duo being an endgame family unit. But here in lies the problem, we never saw it. Not even a cameo. And technically their onscreen storyline ends at 15x18 and 15x19 which is an ugly, anti-climatic bookend to an incredibly deep relationship that had 4 years of development. First you have Castiel who completely forgets why he made that deal with the Empty to begin with. HIS FUCKING SON. Not to mention it wasn’t about true happiness it was about giving himself permission to be happy; there is a difference. And then you have Jack wandering around next episode, vacuuming up power cause suddenly he’s a machine now, acting like he doesn’t give a shit over losing his dad to an entity HE’S BEEN DREADING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING YEAR. 

Towards the end of season 15 I noticed neither of these characters were acting like themselves. Their motivations, their personalities and strong ties to one another had mysteriously dissolved. Castiel became less concerned about the danger his son was facing after 15x15 (what the hell was that in 15x17?) and more about speaking when spoken to by either Sam or Dean. Does he know how Dean truly feels about Jack; proclaiming the child is “not family”? I doubt the in-character version of him would let Jack leave with Dean after that insult. Castiel’s not even worried whether or not his son is alive or safe before he makes the big confession later. And for some reason Jack (who’d become heavily suicidal) was more concerned with clinging to the Winchesters, willing to die for them, instead focusing on himself and the one person who’s shown him nothing but unconditional love and given him strength since birth. Both of these characters are canonically depressed and suffer from low self-esteem that was never resolved which makes me furious. 

When Chuck killed Jack at the end of season 14, this devastated Castiel in the first half of season 15. He actually got to grieve that loss throughout the episodes and deal with his anger over it, allowing the audience to anticipate the day they’d be reunited one last time. This part of Castiel’s S15 arc also ironically mirrors Jack’s S13 arc of mourning Castiel’s death until resurrecting him. And when this son finally returned to his father, who got to rescue him, it was such a poignant moment between the two. It was a cathartic payoff after witnessing Castiel in so much pain over Jack. There was so much building up between that Dadstiel reunion in 15x11 and the Empty’s pact in 14x08; this was suppose to be a tragic yet pivotal plot-point in both Jack and Castiel’s stories. And with SPN wrapping up we all expected something BIG. Yet somehow the writers retconned the whole thing by making it all about Dean, which is such a gross disservice to these characters and 4 years of storytelling.

For instance, since 15x18 was Castiel’s exit episode, why wasn’t he allowed to hug his son or Sam goodbye one last time? Why didn’t he have more of a focal role instead of standing around majority of the episode with barely any dialogue as so much precious air time was wasted on frivolous things? Why didn’t he get one last badass fight scene with someone like Death instead of being choked out and tossed around like a powerless mortal? Why did the group need to be split up to begin with when it served no purpose either than that *ugh* moment? Why wasn’t Jack allowed to call Castiel “dad” once before the show ended? He deserved to hear his son address him as dad!

AND WHY THE HELL COULDN’T JACK FEEL CASTIEL’S DEATH THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED? 

The show already established to the audience the significant cosmic bond these two characters shared since before Jack was even born. It was so powerful it boosted Castiel’s grace. Jack could remember who Castiel was from the womb and that he’d protected his mother. Not to mention HE FUCKING RESURRECTED CASTIEL OUT OF THE EMPTY ONCE WITHOUT GOD’S POWER. You’re telling me Jack couldn’t feel his dad being taken away forever despite how far apart they were? No, he’d feel it in his heart. Had we’d been given a scene like that at the end of 15x18 (something of substance) with actual grief shown in 15x19 maybe the episode would’ve faired better for them. 

That said it wasn’t, because Jack was treated the exact same way in his final exit. Hardly any lines and just a bunch of scenes of him standing/walking around until that pathetic reveal at the lake. HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO INTERACT WITH JAKE ABEL’S MICHAEL/ADAM which would’ve been a great follow-up to the AU!Michael storyline in seasons 13 and 14. I swear these directors didn’t give Alex and Misha any motivation during their last three episodes and it’s evident in their hollow performances. But why would they when the scripts are basically telling their characters to quickly fuck off so the brothers can have their final outing. Jack doesn’t even behave like himself after he becomes the new God. His personality is apathetic, cold, alien, stiff and way too mature for the 3 year old child so closely connected to his family/the human world. In that moment I saw Alex Calvert not Jack Kline. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get a meaningful farewell but again Castiel, HIS DAD, is a complete afterthought to this kid 🥶

And that’s what we’re left with. Forever. A frigid, hollow ending to one of Supernatural’s most healthy, touching, family dynamics. It makes you wonder what was even the point. I can’t even fully enjoy the fact that its canon Jack and Castiel are together fixing Heaven because of what the show presented onscreen as their last hurrah. It’s not sitting right and it makes 15x20 even less appealing to me.

Moving onto Michael and Adam. Get ready for this. I could rant forever about how dirty my boys were done by this show. How they were discarded in the SPN series finale recap etc. just as they were FOR THE LAST TEN FUCKING YEARS. Was there even a plan going on here or was this just everyone making things up as it went? Their ending is the most unsatisfying and cruel thing because its INCOMPLETE. There is no real closure or resolution with them thanks to the monstrosity that was 15x19. AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT. 

Much as I’ve enjoyed this show for many years, it NEVER deserved Jake Abel, his talent or his time. I keep seeing so many anti posts about Dean Winchester’s final fate in Supernatural and all I can think about is “try being an Adam Milligan fan for the last decade”.  I’ve had to watch this boy go through hell with nothing to show for it either than years of memes. ridicule and the show’s mockery in forgetting him. Actually he’s the ONLY CHARACTER in this series you’re encouraged not to remember 😡 Also quick question: why give us this really interesting and healthy relationship between an archangel and its vessel if nothing was ever going to become of it? 

At this point I don’t know why Adam or the idea of him was even introduced way back in season 4 let alone revisited in season 5. Because the only thing I see when I look at this character now is SAD WASTED POTENTIAL. Storylines never explored. Relationships that never got off the ground. Backstory we never got to see (like for instance his past with John Winchester and his time in the cage). A character’s birthright (Men of Letters) that was never actualized. AND the unexplained factor that Adam could look directly at Michael’s true form without his eyes burning out (making him a special case). And the thing is he could’ve been a really great character, both him and Michael. They could’ve easily reached popular status just like Castiel given the chance since Jake is a freaking acting-powerhouse. We were given a taste in 15x08 just how awesome these characters could be and how they could’ve contributed so much to the story and its core group. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

Michael will never redeem himself after years of scrutiny and being made out to be some kind of unhinged monster. This show constantly enjoyed pounding into our brains how fearsome Michael was. Warned us via Lucifer (LUCIFER, PEOPLE!) that he wasn’t rational, compassionate and didn’t care about anything except war, death and destruction. And that he was incapable of feelings and emotions. This is how Supernatural saw Heaven’s Prince and guardian of the Earth. Christ, they actually did a two-year storyline about an evil Michael from the AU world who enjoyed torturing and killing while trying to destroy the universe. I want to know WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW’S WRITERS HAD AGINST THESE CHARACTERS? Why they felt the need to bring back Jake Abel, AFTER A DECADE OF FANS WANTING THIS, if it was simply to piss all over his characters one last time before the show wrapped. This is absolutely unprofessional and childish; the fact that Jake is taking this bullshit in stride makes it all the more shameful 😡

We could’ve learned so much more about Michael’s past and his present relationship with Adam. These characters didn’t need to sit in the cage for a decade they could’ve easily been incorporated back into the show as far as season 8 or 10! And been an asset to the Darkness storyline in season 11.There were characters and storylines introduced that served no purpose. Why did we need to keep seeing characters like Charlie Bradbury or (as much as I like him) Crowley or Garth (love him too) or Lucifer or Abaddon or the Wayward sisters? I would’ve much preferred having Adam and Michael around and got to know them instead; especially after 15x08. I would’ve wanted to see what their dynamic with TFW could’ve become had they been long-time allies. Did John ever tell Mary about Adam’s existence? I’d like to see what her reaction would’ve been like had the Winchesters remembered him during that damn 300th episode. I guess that’s another loose end untied.

But because of what Supernatural did to these two characters, it forever taints Sam and Dean. I don’t think Dabb or purist fans realize this. But when new viewers come into this show about two brothers preaching important things like “saving people”, “family first” or “family don’t end in blood” they’re going to see how badly the main protagonists treated their innocent half brother. How Castiel and Jack were treated. They’re going to see the heroes of the story abandoning this kid in Hell forever with no intention of EVER rescuing him. And that’s why their final appearance leaves such a bad taste going into 15x20. Cause as much as Dabb and co didn’t give a shit about Adam and Michael they also didn’t give a rat’s ass about protecting Sam and Dean’s integrity. That’ll be a stain they can’t undo. 

So through all of it, we’re stuck with the abomination that is 15x19 aka the eye-soar to an unfinished/unpolished story of two horribly disregarded characters. Michael gets the pleasure of being character assassinated right before he’s stupidly killed off instead of going out a hero or becoming the next God (as it was his birthright and the setup was there in the narrative). And Adam gets killed off-screen, OUT OF HIS OWN DAMN BODY, then brought back by Jack only to live a miserable, isolated existence since his brothers have nothing to do with him (the dog and car are more important); his best friend is dead, he has no job or money or a fucking home and he’s legally dead! Really what is there left for him besides the brutal fate awaiting in Hell when he dies?  

SERIOUSLY THEY COULDN’T GIVE US ONE SCENE WHERE THE WINCHESTERS CHECKED IN ON ADAM TO MAKE SURE HE WAS SAFE?! 🤬 His last scene pretty much sums up this shit for what it is. Tragic. I feel like crying for this poor sweet boy.

Congratulations Dabb, BL and co for giving us these much deserved broken story arcs of characters you destroyed and made OOC before leaving the airways. You did your show’s protagonists justice by doing this *sarcasm inserted* after 15 years of being onscreen. I doubt these idiotic decisions are going to age well in the long run. They certainly don’t look good on the Winchesters. Anyway that’s my hot take for the day. 

ALL THESE ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER.

[what-do-1000-swords-look-like]

Sam is more than a legal guardian - Papa Moose rights

Not to blast this on main but Jack has three dads, okay? And you cannot change my mind. 

I know this was most likely a joke (& I don’t think we have video or a transcript of it) but I see people actually treating the legal guardian thing as if it’s real, that not only is Sam not one of Jack’s dads but Jack isn’t a Winchester or even family (let me assure you: he is). Anyhoo, I feel like Sam keeps getting pushed to the back and I feel bad for Papa Moose. Jack is his boy, he is a dad for him, alongside Cas and Dean.

Plus, I love Jack (he will forever be a cinnamon roll) & I’m in a holding pattern currently thanks to 2020 being 2020 so off I go:

Three Relationships/Three Dads:

Cas - chosen before Jack was born by Jack; died before he was born in 12x23; eventually was resurrected in 13x05 - meant to encompass and guide the angel side of Jack

Sam - first to approach Jack in 12x23; took responsibility for him in 13x01 & from there, they work out the kinks - meant to encompass and guide the human side of Jack

Dean - shot at Jack in 13x01 but thankfully missed; horrible to Jack until the end of 13x04; once Cas returns to the bunker in 13x06, Dean starts to come around even more; Jack and Dean’s relationship is the one with the toughest start (overshadowed by Cas’ death in 12x23, the fact that Dean feels Jack manipulated Cas which ended up getting him killed & it’s unknown which way Jack will swing being Lucifer’s son); I think Jensen’s description of being a stepdad to Jack is pretty on the mark (stepparents/parental figures can be just as valid in parental roles, for example I consider Bobby to be more the boys’ father than that asshat John if I’m being honest), plus this also confirms the framing/editing/portrayal of Destiel that has been happening all along (I see you Jackles) - meant to encompass and guide the human (hunter?) side of Jack as well

Let us not forget these moments:

2:08 in video below - Sam knew when Jack’s birthday was & Dean looks at him like “really? you knew that? how did you know that? oh right, I was grieving my dead husband but still...that’s a hell of a memory you’ve got there, Sam”

in 13x21, Rowena gets back at Lucifer by taunting him with “That’s right, your wee boy’s over there. And he’ll be so glad to see his three fathers. Because as far as he is concerned, they are his father and you...you’re nothing to him.”

Jack asking Sam what comes after death in 14x08 (a typically shown parental/child conversation)

Sam was devastated when Jack died in 14x08, & Dean held Cas back from going to comfort him, telling him that Sam needed space

Sam went to chop down wood himself for Jack’s funeral pyre in 14x08

in 14x19 - Sam & Dean both convince Jack to get into the Ma’lak box but it’s ultimately Sam who has to sell it (this is also something Dean told Sam he would have to do before Jack arrives)

Sam tells Jack to kill him in 14x20 when Lucifer is forcing them to murder one another & Jack confirms how important Sam is to him (& also confirming Jensen’s assertion that Dean sees more Cas in Jack than Lucifer as the season progressed) Jack tells him “I love you. I love all of you” before attempting to kill himself so Sam could live

in 15x11 - Sam’s reaction and expression to finding out Jack is alive

in 15x14 -even though this more symmetry than anything, we celebrate Sam’s birthday and then Jack’s

in 15x14, Jack asks Sam if he thinks Jack can do it (finish the plan to kill Chuck) - this is twofold, this proves not only does Jack care just as much about Sam’s opinion as he does Cas’ or Dean’s but it also reads as a child asking the parent “do you think I can really do it, Dad?”

in 15x15, Jack says “I have more dads than most”

in 15x16 - Dean tells Sam the truth about Jack’s plan & his inevitable sacrifice - Sam yells at Dean in a way we haven’t seen in a while after he finds out that Dean knew - this was going to be a very important part of this episode & story arc - we see Cas text Dean, asking him if Dean has told him yet & we see Dean avoid it until he no longer can

in 15x17 - not only has Sam been trying to find a way to keep Jack from being sacrificed, he literally faces down his brother (& a gun) to keep Dean from making sure that Jack is sacrificed in order to kill Chuck

in 15x18 - we see Sam’s devastated expression alongside Cas’ and Dean’s when Billie confirms Jack’s sacrifice in the Empty 

in 15x18 - Sam gives up Chuck’s death book to Billie in order to save Jack from the Empty

in 15x20 - Sam is the one to mention Jack (& also Cas), showcasing that he still thinks about him & is still saddened that he’s not there with them

The framing:

all 3 dads in his room when he’s dying in 14x08, Dean has his back to him at first (showing Dean is having trouble dealing with it), Sam is in the chair right next to his bed, facing & engaged and Cas is standing right behind Sam, facing Jack also

in the below gif, this is after Jack is brought back by Lily’s magic, all three dads are watching him closely which Jack notices. Not only is he wearing a dead man’s robe (is that Dean’s maybe?) but notice the framing of the seating. He’s next to Cas, Dad #1, and across from Sam, Dad #2, and Dean, Dad #3, is in the corner adjacent. Dean and Sam are brothers next to each other, Dean is across from Cas, Sam is adjacent to Cas... Before I go down that rabbit hole, Sam is up front and center as one of Jack’s dads here.

3:06 below (it makes more sense for Dean to be in the middle of this moment, because Sam & Cas are equally as important in Jack’s dads’ roles but Dean couldn’t be behind them because at this point, he is just as important), not to mention the whole front desk scene, one parent is with Jack (Cas) & one parent is checking him in (Sam) while the other parent is starting to lose his crap but trying to keep it together to get the kid seen by a doctor yesterday (Dean)

I’m sure I forgot some other moments up there but the deal is this: Sam is Jack’s dad. Cas and Sam are Jack’s main dads and Dean is bringing up the rear (hold your jokes please, at least until the end of this post, then I’ll join you lol) as the stepdad. 

So basically this is what we have: Cas is married to Dean and they are raising their pure boy but Jack is also Sam’s pure boy. Sam has rights. 

They’re still a nuclear family, y’all.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Carry on.

[castiel-kline]

Jack!

First impression:

Well my 12x23 impression was “this is NOT going to go well” but my 13x01 impression was “he’s a cinnamon roll and I’d die for him.”

Impression now:

Deserves the whole world. And he sort of got it!

Favorite moment:

I love when he met Kelly in 14x08. It’s so bittersweet and beautiful, and I cry every time.

Idea for a story:

I low key want to write a fic where I just... throw him back in time to season 2 or something. I just think it would be cool to play around with how he’d react to TFW’s pasts.

Unpopular opinion:

I think becoming God was a good ending for him. Yes, he more than deserved to just be a kid, but he’s going to do SO GOOD and I’m so proud of him.

Favorite relationship:

Jack and Cas 🥺

Favorite headcanon:

Immediately after becoming God he went to get Cas from the Empty and then he went to visit Kelly. While Cas and Jack are in the process of remodeling, the three of them have plenty of Quality Family Bonding Time.

Also I love the idea of someone (probably Sam tbh) setting him up with some kind of homeschool system in the Bunker. Does he even know how to do math?

[fallenandthefaithless]

Thoughts on The Garden and Jack

Okay, so putting aside the issues with the garden and continuity for a moment, this scene was really important and honestly felt a bit like a refresher course on who Jack is, which, in my opinion, is the whole point of this scene.

First off, the garden is described as being the crossroads of divinity and humanity. It is the divine gift from God and was humanity’s first home. This already ties the garden to Jack as he is both divine and human and also something more than the sum of his parts - a Nephilim.

Next came the appearance of the little girl. Her appearance is never explained but I took her to be either some sort of guardian of the garden or the garden itself taking on a form in which it could communicate with Jack. That being said I doubt what the girl actually was wasn’t important but rather what she symbolised - a little girl in a divine garden. My first thought when I saw her was that she was Kelly. The last time we saw Jack’s mother was in 14x08 where Jack died and snuck into his mothers heaven. He encountered a young girl playing in a garden who was then revealed to be Kelly.

The girl explains where Jack is and then vanishes, leaving Jack all alone until a snake descends from a nearby tree to talk to him. The snake is obviously a nod to the snake that tempted Eve but is also a reminder of Jack’s other biological parent - Lucifer. Snakes have long been associated with Satan and Supernatural have used snake symbology to represent a character slipping towards darkness before - Sam in the season 6 promo pictures and Jack in season 14. It’s also noteworthy that the snake is yellow, a colour that is linked to evil in Supernatural, the most obvious example being Azazel, aka the Yellow-Eyed Demon.

The snake asks Jack who he is and what his destiny is. Jack promptly collapses and suffers through a series of flashbacks which primarily feature Jack’s relationship with Dean, Mary’s death and Kelly. Once these flashbacks cease Jack is left laying on the ground crying as his soul is returned to him.

That is, in this place that represents the intersection of divinity and humanity, with reminders of his human mother and angelic father and a series of flashbacks concerning his (mostly) human family - shown through Dean in this sequence but extending further to Sam and Cas - Jack’s own humanity is returned to him; his soul.

I know a few people were confused as to why Jack’s lack of a soul was made clear in 15x12 when Billie or the Empty could have easily restored it but I think that’s the point. Billie and the Empty are cosmic beings who don’t understand the intricacies of humanity - shown clearly in 15x12 when Billie didn’t understand why saving Kaia mattered - so they could never have restored Jack’s soul (his human half). He could only gain it himself, with the help of his three dads.

When it comes down to it, this is who Jack is - a balance between the divine and human and, for all of its flaws, the garden scene truly highlights this.

[earbuds-and-hightops]

Some thoughts on 15x18

First off, raise your hand if you cried your heart out last night. Castiel was the literal reason I started watching this show, so.... Also, someone pointed out that Cas died on a Thursday, and that just killed me even more.

Second, many of y’all are hating on Jensen and the writers and saying that Dean’s reaction to Cas’s speech was so homophobic and emotionless and that killing Cas of directly afterwards was very cowardly of them, and I somewhat disagree. I’m not happy about what happened, don’t get me wrong, but I also don’t think they deserve all of the hate they’re getting. So here are my thoughts (for the record, I am not trying to convince anybody of anything; this is just what ran through my head): 

I really don’t see the main point of this scene being making Destiel canon; I saw it much more as a sendoff for Castiel. It was more of a “I’m dying so here goes” than “here goes, oh no I’m dying” (*cough* Clexa *cough*). In that sense, the writers weren't necessarily trying to immediately stop this canonic relationship that they created, they were trying to bring closure to Cas as a character and as a boyfriend to Dean. 

I think that it was a bit dumb that they didn’t make this moment earlier in the show, and in that sense, they were being somewhat homophobic and such, but that’s old news. Honestly, I was impressed that they added it at all. I never pictured them actually making Destiel canon. I honestly couldn’t see them having Cas and Dean do anything physical (i.e. a kissing scene, let alone a bedroom scene) maybe beyond resting a head one the shoulder or like, falling asleep on the same sofa (are there sofas in the bunker?) or something small*. 

If you think about it, Dean hasn’t really been in a romantic relationship or even pursued romance on the show in a really long time. ‘Cause who was the most recent? Amara in s11? That one girl from 7x13? He’s been so focused on saving the world or the apocalypse or what ever fever dreams ideas the writers throw at him that it seems so out of character for him to express any sort of romantic attraction to anyone in general. 

As of Dean’s reaction in 15x18, I saw that more as shock that this person who he clearly thinks of as family was about to essentially commit suicide to save him. On top of that, Cas has been sitting on this deal with The Empty for over a year (since what, 14x08?) and hadn’t told him, which I imagine would only add to the shock. In other words, I perceived his shock to be out of Castiel dying, not Castiel admitting feelings. 

If anybody has other opinions or has heard anything from the cast or writers about it, I’d love to hear it. 

*Just to clarify, I’m completely on board with Destiel as a ship; I think it fits the storyline, I see the subtext, and I would have LOVED to see more development other than Dean crying in the basement all alone (same though). It just didn’t seem like a place the show was going. 

[fangirlingtodeath513]

sunshine | a 14x08 coda read here on ao3

you can blame @casistooadorableandithurts for this, it was born from our post-episode conversations

Secrets never keep, especially not for the Winchesters. Cas knows this, and he knows his secret will eventually be found out. He also knows how pissed they’ll be, especially Dean, so he keeps it to himself.

Then they find Michael. They actually manage to kill him and, for once, there’s nothing else pressing that needs their attention--no rogue angels, no hunts others can’t deal with, no demon problems.

That’s why he finds himself outside Dean’s door that night. He needs help with this, he’s searched through everything he has and he can’t find a way out of the deal. Dean’ll be pissed, but it’s better that he hears it directly from Castiel, so he knocks three times on the door softly.

“Yeah, come in.” The voice that answers him is tired and quiet but undeniably happy. He hates that he’s about to shatter that. Taking a breath, he turns the knob and pushes the door open.

“Hello, Dean. Can we speak?”

Dean’s face lights up as soon as he realizes who’s knocking. It’s adorable, frankly, and he’d confess right now if he was sure the Shadow wouldn’t come for him.

“Yeah, Cas, ‘course. Have a seat.” Dean moves over and pats the bed next to him, so Cas sheds his coat and suit jacket before settling in next to Dean. “What’s up?”

Cas picks at his cuticle, a nervous habit he’s picked up from Dean over the years. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” He can feel the shift in the room when Dean stops breathing. “When I went to Heaven to get Jack’s soul, the Shadow was there, the entity from the empty. It wanted Jack’s soul because he’s a nephilim and thought it owned Jack.”

“Cas, tell me you didn’t,” Dean says quietly. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Dean scrub a hand over his face.

“I offered to take Jack’s place in the empty so he could return here. I expected to be taken then but… the Shadow didn’t want that. It wants to watch me suffer. So, in my happiest moment, it’ll come and take me.”

“What the fuck, Cas? Why didn’t you tell me? Does Sam know?”

Cas shakes his head; he still can’t bring himself to meet Dean’s gaze. “No, Sam doesn’t know. Jack does, but only because he was there. Don’t be angry with him, I made him promise not to tell you both.”

Dean sighs. It’s a weary, exhausted sigh Cas has heard before and it hurts that he’s the one that caused it. “So what’s our next move? Is there any lore on this thing?”

Cas frowns, finally turning to Dean. “A fair amount, surprisingly. There’s a summoning spell for it, and I’ve gotten a fair bit of information from angels. As far as anyone knows, it predates everything, including God, Amara and Death. It’s where all angels and demons reside post-death, though they’re generally in a cosmic slumber they don’t wake up from. I’m the only one that’s ever escaped that. God has no power there, so whether or not he actually answers us won’t matter. It can shapeshift, it can search your memories with a touch, it’s incredibly strong, and it can possess things. Angels, at least, though I suspect that will hold with other beings as well.”

Dean gapes at him. “You’re making it sound unbeatable, Cas.”

Cas smiles weakly, his gaze returning to his own hands. “I fear that it is.”

Dean’s shoulder bumps against his, so he chances a look at the hunter, who’s smiling softly at him. “C’mon, Cas, when have we ever let something like this win? We’ll figure it out.”

                                                        *

The swell of emotion is what wakes it up. It’s been a year in Earth time, more than long enough for it to have slipped from Castiel’s mind. And now it’s here, his moment of true, shining happiness.

It can’t wait to rip Castiel off the living plane.

But first, he’ll let him have his moment. He’ll let him confess and be loved in return and then take him, leaving his precious hunter heartbroken. Such sweet revenge for being woken up and losing the nephilim.

“Cas, I love you. I have for a while now, I just… I was scared to admit it.” A soft, nervous chuckle escapes Dean’s throat. “I’m tired of dancing around it, who knows how long we have left?”

A delicious bit of irony, in it’s own opinion.

“I love you too, Dean. Of course I do, how could I not?”

It swoops down from the empty, all the way down into that dusty bunker in Lebanon just as the hunter and the angel meet in a kiss. It gives Castiel his moment, feeling all the delicious happiness flowing through the angel’s borrowed veins before reaching out and grabbing onto his grace.

A trap. It should’ve seen that coming, honestly. Of course a Winchester would never go silently, deal or no deal. The taller Winchester is chanting in the first language, the Shadow’s language, and he knows this is it. It hears them. All of them. They’re waking up, the empty will never be peaceful again. The tall one finishes the spell and it feels itself being pulled back to the empty, back to the noisy angels and demons that are now awake and searching for a way out. Unluckily for them and for itself, Sam Winchester just locked the gates of the empty and threw away the key.

                                                        *

“Is that it? Did we do it?” Sam asks breathlessly, eyes darting to his brother and Castiel. A moment of silence passes before Castiel finally nods and grins at them.

“It’s gone. Nothing will be getting in or out of the empty ever again.”

Sam sighs with relief and Dean quickly sweeps Cas into a hug that would be bone-crushing if he wasn’t an angel.  

“I’m sorry that was out first kiss,” Dean murmurs, though Cas shakes his head and tightens his grip on the hunter.

“Don’t be. I’m positive we’ll have many more.”

Almost as if to prove the point, Dean leans back and places a chaste kiss on Cas’s lips.

“I should take care of something. I’ll be back tonight.” Cas starts to pulls away, pausing when Dean frowns at him.

“Take care of what? We just saved you, I’d like to keep you safe for at least a night.”

Cas smiles softly, nodding and sliding his hand down to grip Dean’s. “Sam, we’ll be back tonight.”

Sam doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Cas is pulling Dean from the room, heading straight for the garage.

“Cas, hang on, where are we going?” Dean pulls at Cas’s hand, forcing the pair of them to a stop just outside the garage door.

“I’m going to give Naomi my grace.” The look of shock on Dean’s face is confusing, to say the least, and has Cas rethinking his decision.

“What? Cas, is… you don’t have to do that because of me, do you?”

Relief floods through Cas’s system and he smiles easily. “No, Dean. I don’t have to do it at all.” He takes a breath, mostly to steady himself, before continuing. “When I was human, after Metatron… it felt right. It felt like what I’d been missing my entire existence. I had to take my grace back to help, but I never really wanted it back. Now I don’t need it. I figured Heaven could use it. Grace that doesn’t have to maintain an angel at the same time would be far more effective at powering Heaven, and it would relieve the stress of the remaining angels.” Dean still looks confused, so Cas tilts his head as he thinks of a better way to explain. “I can ensure Heaven stays running and be who-what-I really want to be. Human.”

Dean frowns. “You want to be human?”

Cas smiles. “Almost as much as I want to be with you.”

That makes Dean blush, and Cas would be lying if the sight didn’t cause his heartbeat to ratchet up. “You’re sure?”

With a single, decisive nod, Cas leads them to the Impala. “I’m positive.”

Three hours later, they return to the bunker with a newly-human and much happier Castiel and a perfectly functional Heaven.

It’s the best the Winchesters have had it in a while, and Dean sends a silent thank you to Chuck. Not for this--Chuck couldn’t have planned this--but for Castiel.

Finally, for once in their lives, Dean and Castiel get to be unabashedly happy with no looming threats hanging over their heads.

[orionsangel86]

(1) Some people mentioned that Cas's special happy moment could be about him finding (heterosexual) love- but that's not something he hasn't allowed himself to do before. I mean, he's had a thing with Meg and the 9x03 chick. The wording of "give yourself permission to be happy" resonates with me because it's a phrase I hear commonly in LGBT stories and it's usually related to the experience of finally accepting and being true to one's repressed sexuality.

(2) I agree with you about hating the option of Cas getting out of the deal before the Empty gets him. Basically since our expectation for drama has been higher than ever since 14x08 and that outcome would be absolutely anticlimactic. Also because he was determined to hide the deal and I don't see how he could change his mind about not telling the brothers about it in just a few episodes. Jack wouldn't betray his trust either, not after Cas saved his life.

(3) If theyd planned to mirror Deans S3 arc, the Empty would've just told Cas "I give you 1 year left to live". But it purposefully focused on the question of Cas's happiness. If they weren't going to answer "whats he not allowing himself to experience?", why bring it up? If the answer were "being happy with his family", they wouldn't have shown him being joyous w/them (& surviving) right after. They don't care about how repetitive the Luci storyline is- why wouldn't they repeat Cas's S12 death?

ALL OF THIS

Just on your 1st point though - Cas technically hasn’t allowed himself heterosexual love either - Meg was one sided. It is not canon that Cas returned her feelings. The most I can say canonically on his part is that there was a curiosity and fondness for her due to her taking care of him at a vulnerable time. Others may disagree with me here. Meg used Cas for protection initially and apparently grew to care for him, but it is not canonically “love” and never was. April was straight up rape by deception. Again, on Cas’s part it was curiosity and a desire for comfort which he mistranslated into sex (because the writers played it for jokes when the actual situation was super SUPER gross).

So Cas has not allowed himself to experience heterosexual love. The closest he has ever come to heterosexual love is arguably with Hannah actually. Though he rejected her advances pretty quickly since his focus was entirely on Dean at the time.

Having said all this (and sorry nonny I agree with everything else but I had to correct you there because connecting Cas x Meg and Cas x April with the word “love” at all really squicks me) I LOVE what you say about the specific language used resonating with you as an LGBTQA+ coming out story. Because you hit the nail on the head. “Allowing yourself to be happy” is a classic queer phrase to relate to queer people finally finding love. It just adds yet another delicious layer to the line and to the overall coding of Castiel’s journey on the show as that of a queer person trying to come to terms with their identity (which makes the Empty’s deal even more horrible and heartbreaking).

On point 2, yes 100% agreed. Not following through with the deal would be anticlimactic in my opinion. Now we have the promo for 14x09 which blatantly calls back to Cas’s deal in his awkwardness after Dean’s “no strings attached” speech, proves the writers are keeping the focus on it though so they could potentially still have a quick turn around with this story. I personally don’t want Dean to find out about the deal at all until the deal comes to fruition, as that is far more dramatic and romantically coded (star crossed lovers trope).

Point 3, AGREED. The language was very particular, very specific and encourages the audience to ask the question of what it would take for Cas to allow himself happiness. it indicates that he is currently holding back, so the obvious question there is WHY.

I do get what you mean about repetitive story lines such as Lucifer yeah, but they don’t tend to go the whole main character death route too often as a season finale. If he died again, I can see it being like Sam in 13x21 where he is dead but then returns by episode end. I don’t think we will go into the summer hiatus with Cas dead again. I may have mused on this concept at first, but now I find it doubtful. I think the season cliffhanger this year will be something unleashed and someone in peril, rather than someone dead. But that is pure speculation.

[deletingpoint]

21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @60r3d0m, thanks, love you and your blog!

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? about 2009. i think season 4 was airing at the same time i started really watching it. but i had seen a few episodes randomly from TV before, i think the first was either Hook Man or Scarecrow.

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? Castiel. i liked Sam more in the first three seasons, mostly cause he had a bit more story plus i remembered Jared from a few epis of Gilmore Girls. i switched to Dean sometime on season 4, then it was DeanCas together, now it’s just Cas.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? naah, i like them all

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs! how am i supposed to do that? i’m bound to forget someone! @charlie-minion (the first destiel meta i read and loved), @margarittet (my fave meta’s from them), @amwritingmeta (so fun and sweet but thorough), @casthegrumpy (hello cockles and all that fun)

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)? The Empty or The Shadow whichever you call them

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? Rowena

7. John or Mary? Mary

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? Sam: kind-hearted

Dean: oh god no! until i saw the end of episode 2 and episode 3 Dead in the Water, then i was like aaah, so he’s that kinda character, yeah i’m very into that

Cas: cool entrance, those sparks! kind of a dick, but really wanted to see him more

Jack: sweet nougat son, that golden power thing is neat

9. What’s your favorite season? is it weird if i say 14? i understand people feeling it’s a bit boring (plus it’s not done yet), but there’s just smth abt it that feels so very real to me. also 12, 13, 11, 4, 5

10. What’s your least favorite season? 6, it was a hard fall from 5 and it was just so messy. plus i felt as betrayed as Dean at the end so i dunno it left a bad taste in my mouth and i didn’t even watch 7 live after they hyped Cas as this new bad and then just killed him.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

the greatest love story ever told and i wanna hide my face when they’re interacting

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? no do i believe they intentionally put it into subtext and will be in trouble if they don’t deliver? hell yes! but until the official social media accounts start hashtagging destiel on their promos without delivering right away i personally wouldn’t call it queerbait. (gotham did it with nygmobblepot so yeah that was not pretty) 

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14? 8-14 for sure 

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? i really liked Amara, but she wasn’t really a villain, so i gotta go with s5 Lucifer

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? some of the days yes, i do. some, not so much, i kinda want Sam to have that moment with him

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

can’t really measure trauma, can you

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? 14x08 Byzantium no doubt before that 13x16 Scoobynatural, 9x10 Road Trip, 8x08 Hunteri Heroici, i loved loads of episodes in season 4 and 5 but those seasons were so depressing i wouldn’t rewatch them these days any more.

18. Do you like case episodes? i don’t mind them, it’s nice to have some breathing room between all the drama

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? i don’t know. i think i’m most like Sam in that i can hide my feelings way too well for my own good. but i don’t know if it means relating to him.

20. Why do you like Supernatural? i started it for scary stuff, but right now the thing i love the most is the way the character development feels real. it’s not rushed and there are setbacks, but it’s there and there are miraculous moments that i’m in love with and it feels like real life you know. i also enjoy the callbacks and the subtext and how developed even the one-off characters are. the cast is fun as well.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? i don’t know, Benny? Alicia? i’ve kind of accepted all deaths though. maybe i’d kill Nick, but i don’t really care either way.

if someone wants to do this, please tag me! honest, i’m interested, just can’t pick who to name here.

[blancheharrington]

jo-wilson-main replied to your post: I wish William Harper was given episodes to write...

which jolex eps/scenes has he written??

He hasn’t really written a lot of Jolex heavy episodes (mostly because there aren’t really any Jolex heavy episodes #lolimbitter) but the episodes he has written do always make an effort to include scenes with them and in my opinion, portray them as an actual couple. 

Off the top of my head he’s written 15x04 [”Are you asking me for money with your hand on my --”], 14x08 [The episode Paul shows up!}, 12x24 [”Let’s make a baby” Part II/the episode Alex beats up Deluca.”], 12x12 [The episode Jo finds the ring and tells Alex to keep it in the drawer.], 12x03 [Izzie’s eggs/”Let’s make a baby” Part I.] and 11x25, [The episode that Jo buys the loft/tells Alex she loves him.]

Now that I think of it, I guess he has written quite a few of the bigger Jolex episodes. I don’t necessarily like all of the ‘arcs’ that he writes, 12x03 for example was a big ole’ wacky/out of character mess that turned out to really screw up the believability of Jo’s secret later down the road, but I like the dialogue he writes for them. It makes sense and matches who they are. They’re actually speaking to each other and responding. As opposed to 15x02 and 15x08 (written both by Meg Marinis) where it felt like Jo and Alex were simply saying random strings of words at each other and their scenes had no fluidity. Or, 14x02 and 14x24 (Written both by KV) tend to use Jo and Alex as more of the comic relief. She portrays them more goofy and quirky. I’ve also enjoyed Kiley Donovan’s episodes (14x06 (Jo wants to file for divorce), 14x12 (Jo and Meredith discover mini livers), 15x06 (This episode was not perfect but at least it included Jo attempting medical things. ) She’s written some of the few episodes that seem to focus more on Jo as an individual but she still works to write in Jo and Alex. However, I think she writes Alex kind of clunky and his dialogue doesn’t flow as naturally. 

In my opinion, William Harper just seems to understand Jo and Alex as individuals and as a couple where it seems other writer’s don’t. I think other writers choose specific Jolex qualities to write their episodes around whereas WH can blend them all together and have their storyline progress in a way that feels organic and not forced. 

[francescabuccino]

What makes you think Amelia’s surgery will take place in 14x04 or 14x05?

I don’t know. maybe it’s simply because I don’t think this plot will be too long. In my opinion, it should end definitely before the midseason finale (14x08) and we saw that Caterina was already in scrubs while filming 14x06. I don’t think she will work until her surgery. After that, they could create a time jump, this will explain why she will be back at work in no time.