#my 2 closest friends are 1 sick and 2 in another state all the way across the country

[sadlittleratboy]

Put down my cat late last night. She was old, around my age (24) and I've had her basically my whole life. I miss that rage beast already. She died comfortably in my arms at least. As long as I was holding her she seemed happy. I held her the entire 40 minute drive to the emergency vet and four 2 hours prior, and I held her during the hour and a half wait for it to all be over. She loved being held, and she even started feeling better enough to purr right before the end. I almost put a stop to it all and took her home because she was feeling a little better, but I knew it would happen again. It seemed like she was ready to go anyway. I feel like I left a big chunk of me in that clinic. When I get her back she'll be ashes. I've had to put down a pet before (just three years ago) and though I loved him I hadn't had him for half the time I had her. She cuddled me to sleep every night. She demanded my attention every second I was home. Even with my other two cats seemingly understanding that I need them more than ever right now it's not enough.

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

A Heartbeat Away | Damian Wayne

✦ pairing — older!Damian Wayne x gender neutral!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 2.7k

✦ based off the song I Should’ve Kissed You by One Direction

✦ summary — Damian is haunted by the fact that he only said good night when he should have kissed you.

✦ warnings — light angst, mentions of pregnancy (a minor character is pregnant), mentions of food and beverages, fluff.

✦ author's note i — randomly remembered my obsession with this song and couldn’t get it out of my head.

✦ author's note ii — the parts in italics are flashbacks.

════════════════════════

Ever since he started living with Jason, Damian found himself straying away from the things that held him back.

His life would never be normal, but in hindsight, he could admit things weren’t as bad.

The fallout with his father came crashing down in the worst moment possible — Dick was dead and his relationship with Tim wasn’t the best.

As little as he knew Jason, he was sure he could trust him so he asked for his help instead of somebody else’s.

And Jason didn’t say no. Whether he had the heart to do it or not was irrelevant because he still took Damian in and helped him find a job.

He hated said job.

‘It’s a job,’ you had told him, ‘you’re not supposed to like it.’

You.

Damian rarely stopped thinking about you. Calling it infatuation felt like an understatement, and yet he couldn’t find a better word to describe the whirlwind of emotions you gave him.

He still remembered the day he met you for the first time.

Jason paced in the living room, perking up every time he heard a noise outside the apartment.

You’re driving me insane,” Damian said from the small dining table.

”Roy’s late.”

”Why are you surprised?”

Jason glared at him.

Both of them heard somebody stand on the other side of the door. Their steps didn’t sound like Roy’s.

Pulling the door open, Jason was ready to snap at whoever had knocked.

“You ordered something and gave my apartment number instead of yours. Again.”

Damian didn’t recognize the voice so he slanted his body to the side to see who it was. He couldn’t stop staring.

”I’ll make it up to you.”

”Jay,” you sighed. “I’ve told you before, you just need to tell me beforehand if you don’t want things to arrive to your apartment. My roommate could have opened it.”

Damian chuckled, a single elbow resting on the table.

Jason craned his neck. “You think this is funny?”

”I think you’re a moron.”

”Shut up and come meet our neighbor.”

Damian didn’t have to be told twice. He stood up with an eagerness he hadn’t felt since Jason texted him to let him know he had found the materials so he could build a suit and go back to patrol.

”This is my brother Damian.” Jason turned around to place the package under the table next to the door.

He knew you’d either seen him before or heard about him the moment his eyes landed on you. People always had a visceral reaction when they met him, some found him attractive, others attempted to ask for favors, and some recoiled in fear.

But you didn’t. You held his gaze and stood in the same spot you had been since you knocked on the door.

And whether it had been in a newspaper or a gossip forum, he was glad you knew something about him. There was something about the way you stared at him that screamed for him to trust you. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

“Nice to meet you,” you politely said, smiling at him.

Stunned by the fact that you hadn’t mocked him, and now assuming it wasn’t wishful thinking after all, he tilted his head. Most people did mock now that he wasn’t under his father’s wing.

Still, he said, “Likewise.”

Your smile became warmer. “I live three doors down the hallway in case you need anything.”

He felt a pang in his chest at the gesture. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Weird sensations in his chest were normal when he was around you. Befriending you was easier than he’d ever admit and talking to you became the highlight of his day.

The pangs in his chest turned into a fluttering sensation in a heartbeat. You’d make him feel breathless when you did the smallest things — when you smiled at him, when you complained about other neighbors with him, when you asked about his day.

He felt special. For once in his life for being the closest he had ever been to resemble a normal person.

And he also remembered, quite painfully, that night he let you walk away without mustering the courage to tell you —or show you— the way you made him feel.

The deserted hallway was yet another proof of how easy it was to lose track of time around you.

Damian hadn’t expected to get back home past midnight or to skip patrol, but 1:00 AM turned into 2:00 and he couldn’t part from you no matter how many times he tried to remind himself to do it.

He hadn’t even expected to enjoy the state fair as an adult, yet he couldn’t remember a time he had more fun than that evening.

You gazed up at him, waiting for him to either do or say something. Anything other than stare at you in the middle of the hallway.

You had already thanked him for making you company, there was no way you’d say anything. And he froze.

“Good night,” he sputtered.

Your brow twitched. “Night.”

He watched you unlock your door and get inside your apartment with a heavy heart.

You moved out a couple months ago and he hadn’t seen you since then. The texts the two of you exchanged were sporadic and they bordered in formal.

He should have kissed you, he was aware of that. And to make matters worse, Jason chewed him out when he found out.

He still looked for you every morning he left the apartment as though you’d remember you had forgotten something. That you had forgotten him.

Jon said it was for the best, that somebody as sweet as you didn’t deserve to carry with his baggage.

Damian knew his best friend to be right, but how could he let go of you that easily when you made him see he was more than his mistakes and regrets?

He didn’t need anybody to carry him, he could drag himself anywhere if needed.

He simply hated the hole in the pit of his stomach every time he entertained the possibility of having to see you one day with somebody else because he wasn’t brave enough to say what he needed to let out.

The idea of being out of time was killing him slowly, so naturally, he’d sought a quick death.

════════════════════════

You gasped upon opening the door. You weren’t expecting anybody to be outside — much less Damian Wayne.

“Oh!”

“Hi,” he softly greeted.

You blinked rapidly. “Did you need anything?”

“I wanted to... Are you on your way out?”

“I’m just dropping this off for my mom.” You momentarily lifted the bags you were carrying in one hand. “She lives nearby.”

He spared a look to the reusable bags in your grasp. “Is she sick?”

“Pregnant,” you explained, playing with your keys. “It’s high risk due to her age so we take as much care of her as we can.”

Damian walked backward, allowing you to come out of the apartment and lock the door.

As you pushed the door to make sure it was locked, he asked, “Would you care for some company?”

Turning around, you gave him a small smile. “That would be lovely.”

He reached over. “Let me help.”

“They’re not heavy.”

“I insist.”

”Okay.” You handed him the bags and took the initiative to lead the way.

He reached your side immediately.

Not knowing what else to do, aware you’d let something slip if you didn’t find something, you made small talk. “How’s Jason?”

“As annoying as always.”

You still remembered when he meant those words, when he complained about Jason and how often they butted heads. His tone was different now, lighter, almost playful.

“Good to know some things never change.”

You walked the streets with an ease you hadn’t been able to in years. Growing up in that neighborhood meant which streets to avoid, and sadly, most of them were unsafe.

There were many things you could have asked or said, perhaps apologize for being cold while texting.

You were in your right to be cold and you could have just not answered, but you wanted to keep contact even though you were hurt.

Damian was great company. It was a shame you misread the entire situation and couldn’t go back to chat with him like before.

It took you a few attempts to get them to talk comfortably, but once he was able to, he didn’t look back. He even gossiped with you.

Stopping in front of the house, you looked around to make sure your mom had the windows open. Once sure, you walked up the front steps.

You withdrew a single key from your back pocket and extended your other hand so Damian would give you the bags.

The floors were recently mopped which meant your aunt had visited that day.

“It’s me,” you yelled so your mom wouldn’t get up. It was her time to be watching TV in the living room.

Carrying the bags towards the kitchen, you caught the jingle from a commercial.

You filled a glass with water and added a couple of ice cubes.

Your mom was comfortably sat on a recliner, feet up and remote control on her thigh. “Hurry back before it gets dark.”

“Don’t worry, a friend of mine walked me here.” You handed her the glass. “Do you need anything else?”

She ignored your question as she took the glass. “Who is it?”

“You don’t know him.”

“Him?” She lifted an eyebrow.

You hadn’t mentioned a guy to her in almost two years now, her surprise was understandable. “Not now.”

“Oh, so it is like that?”

Maybe it was and maybe that was the issue. She wouldn’t blame you if she knew him like you did, if she heard him laugh or saw him change his demeanor to accommodate to somebody else’s sensibilities.

You didn’t think you’d witness anything remotely close to that when you met him for the first time, but you learned really quickly that Damian was full of surprises.

“I’ll call in the morning in case you need something. I’m working ’til 3:00 PM tomorrow.”

“It’s okay.” She took a sip of water. “Did you bring anything sweet?”

“Homemade muffins and a few chocolate bars. Do you want one now?”

She shook her head. “I’ll wait after dinner.”

You kissed her cheek. “Call me, please.”

“Go, go.” She ushered you to go with a gesture of her hand. “Don’t make your friend wait.”

It was your time to ignore her comment.

Damian was sat on the front steps when you came out, looking up at the darkening sky.

“Is everything alright?” you asked in a whisper as to not scare him.

“No.” He shook his head and stood up. “I mean, yes. How’s your mother?”

“She’s good. Having fun watching reality TV.”

Damian squinted. “Is reality TV really that entertaining?”

“It’s mindless stuff, but it’s fun sometimes. You get to judge other people’s lives without feeling remorse because it’s most likely fake.”

The walk back was way shorter and you didn’t want to part. It was time to swallow your pride and your feelings for him.

He didn’t part ways with you at the building entrance. He walked beside you until you reached the elevator — Damian extended his arm to keep the doors open and allowed you to get in first. He followed suit.

You turned the lights on with Damian on your tail. He did wait for you to invite him in, but you were sure both of you knew there was no way you wouldn’t.

“I made muffins. Do you want one?”

Damian nodded.

You guided him to the dining table where a trippy vase in pastel colors rested with flowers.

He looked around the apartment as he walked towards the table. As he sat down, he fixed his eyes on the vase.

“Green or black?”

“Mmh?”

“Your tea.”

You could swear you saw him smile to himself.

“Black.” He placed his cellphone on the table. “You still have that thing,” he said, referring to the trippy vase.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

He huffed a laugh. “Jason said it was ugly.”

“Jason doesn’t have the best taste in the world,” you lightheartedly retorted.

The vase was precious to you, a gift from Damian who spooked you in the middle of a rainy night and made you knock your favorite vase.

You set a plate in front of him and placed the muffin there. “Your tea’s almost ready.”

“No roommate this time?”

“Nope. I miss Lou, but I don’t miss having a roommate that much.”

“I thought the move was temporary just so you could be close to your mother...”

“It is, but there’s still a long way to go. The baby should be here next month and she’ll need help around the house.” You disappeared for a moment as you looked for a mug.

Having found one, you dropped the teabag and poured the boiling water in.

“Sugar.” You put the sugar bowl down just in front of the mug. Feeling his eyes on the side of your face, you gazed at him. “It’s brown, don’t worry.”

He relaxed and uncovered the sugar bowl. “Is the father of your mother’s child around?”

“Yeah.” You sat down on the chair closest to his. “She remarried last year and her husband tries to help, but you know, work gets in the way.”

“Tell me if I can help with anything.”

“Don’t worry, you have enough things to juggle with already.”

“What’s one more? At least let me make you company or walk you home. These streets are dangerous.”

You softly nodded. From the day you met him you knew you would never be able to tell him no — and having his company after a long day sounded nice.

“So...”

“So,” you encouraged him to go on.

“Are you seeing anybody?”

“No. I thought I was a little while ago, but...” You hoped he’d understand what you were getting at. “I guess something got lost in translation.”

“Did it? Or was he too much of a coward to show the way he felt?”

“Don’t.” You hated hearing him talk like that about himself.

“You don’t know how much I regret not kissing you that night. I—“ He sighed, twisting his mouth as he frowned. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“At least now I know you did think about doing it.”

“I did. Many times throughout the night.” He turned to the side to fully look at you. “I wanted to find the perfect moment and became overwhelmed. Sounds like a bad excuse, but I swear it’s the truth.”

“I believe you.”

Damian scooted closer and reached over to place his hand on your face. Softly, he caressed your cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

You leaned onto his touch, tilting your head. “Me too. Sorry for being such an ass.”

“It’s fine. I would have reacted similarly.”

“Similarly or worse?”

“Worse.”

You laughed, making him smile.

“May I?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Damian leaned in, placing his free hand on the back of your chair as his nose brushed yours.

His lips softly connected with yours, but the slow pace didn’t last. The two of you had wasted too much time, thrown away too many opportunities to be this close —or closer— and patience wasn’t a virtue Damian possessed.

The chair was now balancing itself in two legs, making you interrupt the kiss with a squeal.

Damian then made you stand up and wrapped his arms around your waist. His lips were immediately back on yours.

Your hands went up to rest on his biceps as he kissed you again. His arms tightened around you as he deepened the kiss and you melted.

You melted into the kiss, onto his warmth, due to the fact that he wanted this as much as you did.

Kissing him had become a mere fantasy for you, and there he was, not only making it a reality but exceeding your expectations.

Grabbing him by the neck, you broke the kiss in search of air. His breath was barely ragged and you remembered he told you he could hold it in for a long time.

You needed him to teach you just to be able to kiss him for longer.

“That was nice,” you said, still breathless.

“Yeah, really nice. We should do it more often.”

“Are you asking me out?”

“I’m telling you I want you to be mine.”

All in or nothing, of course. Jason had warned you that Damian didn’t take things lightly.

But you were okay with that.

[skiesofthesketchy]

Stood Up {1}

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You have a date with your friend that you’ve liked forever, but he never shows up.

Note: Heyyyyy Please read the warnings before proceeding. This is one of the darker things I’ve ever written, and it might trigger some people so please be careful. I’m usually a fluff writer but I’ve been feeling... ya know, down lately so this is what I made. I’m working on the second part to Unsend still, but haven’t been in the mood lately so sorry it’s taking so long!

Let me know what you think! :)

Word Count: 6.5k

Stood Up: {Part 2} / { Part 3}

WARNINGS: Violence and abuse! sexual violence! trauma! swearing, angst

WARNINGS: Violence and abuse! sexual violence! trauma! swearing, angst

***

Y/N’s P.O.V.

10:00 PM

I pulled my sweater tighter against me when I felt a small burst of wind, the chill making goosebumps surface on my bare legs. I looked left and right down the black street, but nobody was around. It was quiet, almost silent besides dried leaves scraping against the pavement, and the only light was the orange glow from the street lamps and the red neon sign above my head casting onto the empty street. It was a nice night, even with the cool breeze, but I could feel my nerves kicking in.

I tried to remain optimistic though. Maybe he’s just running late... I pulled out my phone again to see if JJ had texted me back, but he hadn’t.

On my way! See in you 20 :)

I sighed, looking at the last text I sent him. I only sent it hoping to remind him that we had plans tonight in case he forgot. He always forgets. 

‘He’s just a forgetful person,’ I tell myself for what feels like the thousandth time. It’s usually that phrase that makes me feel better, or ‘He’s got a lot going on.’ I never make it a big deal when he misses our plans, even though it feels like a small piece of my heart breaks off and dies every time it happens. 

‘This time is different though,’ I told myself. It was just yesterday that I mentioned the movie theater was showing a bunch of Quentin Tarantino films this week. I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, just a fun thing me and my friends could all do together, but I was truly very excited about it and really hoped they’d be down. 

“Are they showing Kill Bill?” JJ asked with a smile. The other pogues didn’t seem interested but I was happy that JJ was. 

“Yeah. Tomorrow night actually,” I shrugged.

“We should go.”

I smiled softly at him. “Sure, if you want to.”

He chuckled, blue eyes lighting up as he poked my cheek. I knew he could see right past my nonchalant demeanor. “That’s your favorite movie ever. Of course I want to go see it with you! My treat.”

I ignored the fluttering in my belly, but couldn’t hide my smile. He remembers my favorite movie and wants to watch it with me. “You don’t have to pay for me,” I shook my head with a laugh. I didn’t expect him to, but the fact that he offered made my chest warm. JJ doesn’t have much money to begin with, and with what he does have, he usually spends on weed and beer, necessities in his daily life.

“No, no,” he tsked, bringing me into a hug. My giddy grin was thankfully hidden in his chest. Being this close to him always makes me feel lighter than air, warmer than the summer breeze. “You’re my girl. Let me take you out,” he finished, chuckling into my hair. 

I felt heat rise to my cheeks, like I always did when he called me his girl. I nodded in agreement once I pulled away from his embrace. “Ten o’clock tomorrow, okay?”

“I’ll be there,” he replied, saluting me with a wink before turning to join the conversation the rest of the pogues were engaged in, leaving me to internally gush about going on a date with the boy I’ve liked since forever. 

Maybe it wasn’t a date, or maybe it was. I didn’t really know, but I didn’t care as long as I got to spend time with JJ. It really did feel like this time was different. My thoughts swirled, wondering if he likes me back. Wanting to take me to a movie makes it sound like he likes me, right?

Date or not, I wanted to look nice, so I spent more time getting ready than I normally did. I experimented with some light makeup, trying to make it subtle but still pretty. I left my hair down after making it look somewhat decent, something I hardly ever do because my go-to is always putting it up. I even picked out a dress to wear but made sure to choose one that JJ had seen me in plenty of times. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard, but still hoped he would notice my appearance and think I looked pretty. 

10:10 PM

The movie started ten minutes ago, and still no word from JJ. I glanced down at my shoes and hugged myself tighter. ‘Maybe he did forget... again.’ I didn’t want to believe it, giving JJ the benefit of the doubt like I always did. But he still wasn’t here.

Yo are you coming? I sent another text.

I was really excited about tonight, not just because I’d be seeing one of my favorite movies in the theaters as if it was premiering for the first time. Now I just feel... heavy. Like I’m carrying the weight of the reality I should’ve realized a long time ago. If I was important to him, he would remember our plans.

My frown deepened. That’s what it comes down to, right? If he actually cared about me, he would be here, or at least tell me he’s not going to make it. Constantly forgetting our plans is a huge sign that he doesn’t like me the way I like him, that I don’t matter to him enough to follow through. It’s a sign I’ve been ignoring even though it’s been there the whole time, blaringly obvious and all too painful. 

No. JJ does care about me, even if it’s just as a friend. He’ll be here. He told me he would be.

10:20 PM

Spinning around and looking at the movie theater entrance, I thought about going inside and watching the movie anyway, but I suddenly wasn’t up for it anymore. This sick feeling in my gut was all I could think about. 

Of course JJ doesn’t like me. Why did I get my hopes up so high when all he’s ever done is not show up? It hurts. It feels like something crawled up inside of me and slashed its claws at my dumb, naive heart. Its terrifying and hoarse voice whispering in my ear, “What did you expect?”

Perhaps this is my fault; letting myself fall for someone that doesn’t feel the same. JJ Maybank: one of my closest friends, the biggest player on the whole damn island, and the most emotionally unavailable boy I’ve ever met. Of course I had to fall for him. I’m a fucking idiot. 

I slumped my shoulders, feeling defeated and tired. It’s like I was tossed to the side without a second thought, much like the trash lining the curb. My throat tightened with the emotions threatening to pour out in sobs, but I held them back. It’s not his fault. I’m the one with these stupid feelings, waiting around for him to feel them too, but he doesn’t. 

10:30 PM

I checked my phone one last time, still nothing. With a deep sigh, I started walking towards the direction of my house. I focused my attention on my sandals hitting the sidewalk, each step feeling like another crack in my heart. 

‘You’re fine,’ I told myself. ‘Don’t cry. You’re fine.’

But I wasn’t, and I felt the stubborn tears brim my eyes. I turned the corner and this street was much darker, the street lights dim and far apart. The sound of someone else’s footsteps pricked my ears, and I kept my head down to hide my frustration and the sadness running down my cheeks. I wanted the footsteps to belong to JJ, finally showing up but just a bit late. I knew better though, and didn’t bother looking up. 

“Well, look who it is. A little pougie.” I halted in my tracks, my eyes flicking up to find his cold ones, and I shot him a glare. As if I needed something to make my night even worse. Fucking Rafe.

“Not even gonna say hello?” he asked. I kept my posture stiff and my stare hard, trying to act tough even though I was most certainly in a vulnerable state.

“What are you doing here, Rafe?” Rafe was predictable in the way that he lived to torture me and my friends. That’s the only reason he’d ever be caught dead in The Cut.

He stopped right in front of me, his tall frame dark and intimidating. Even under the blanket of night I could see his eyes were bloodshot and a sickening smirk lined his lips. He ignored my question as his eyes dragged up and down my body, making my stomach twist and skin crawl. “Where’s the rest of your dirty crew?” he spat.

“You’re lucky they’re not here.” I kept my tone steady, but I could feel my hands start to shake and an uneasy feeling settled inside of me. I need to get out of here. 

With hands stuffed in his pockets, he leisurely walked around me, eyes still glued to my bare legs. “You look pretty,” he whispered. “Were you on a date?” 

“No.”

“Then why are you all dressed up, darlin’?” His gaze met mine again when I spun around to face him, and with the way his features slightly softened, he probably noticed that I had been crying. “Oh. You were stood up, huh?”

Is it that obvious? “No,” I snapped. 

He chuckled darkly, stepping even closer to me, and I took a step back. “His loss.” Then he just stood there staring at me while I was lost in a sea of confusion. Is he trying to be nice?

“Well. It’s been not so nice talking to you. I’m going home now.” I turned around to escape this unpleasant conversation, but I was spun back around with the man’s grip on my arm. 

“Don’t leave. I’m not done talking to you.” I felt fear creep under my skin as I looked up at his face again, hardly able to make out anything but his eyes. He wasn’t asking, he was demanding. 

“Leave me alone.” I tried to snatch my arm out of his grasp, but he pushed me into the brick wall of the building we were in front of. 

The sudden movement caused me to stumble and twist my ankle. “Ow! Rafe, what the fuck!” I felt the pain shoot up my leg, but couldn’t focus on it for long. Rafe’s menacing features had panic surging through my veins as he came closer.

I pressed my back into the hard wall trying to separate myself as much as I could from the man towering over me. “You’ve had a rough night. Let me make you feel better,” he said. He stepped into me, his chest pressing against mine as he looked down at me.

“Get the fuck off of me,” I choked out. 

His wicked laugh fanned over my face and I felt angry tears fall. “Come on, little poguie. At least I actually want you.” His words seemed to drive a knife into my chest. JJ doesn’t want me, but I don’t have time to think about that right now. I can hardly think of anything right now. 

My palms rose to his chest, but he caught my wrists in his hands, keeping me from shoving him off. He laughed again, and the realization that Rafe isn’t sober washed over me like a tidal wave. What have I gotten myself into? “Let me go!” I screamed.

He shut me up by forcing his mouth onto mine. I screamed against his lips but he pressed into me harder. I started thrashing my body under the weight of his, but his hold became tighter. He brutally clutched both of my wrists into one of his large hands while the other came up to slap over my mouth, cutting off my cries.

“Just let it happen, darlin. Enjoy it,” he whispered into my ear. Hot tears ran down my face as I felt his lips on my neck. He sucked harshly on my skin as I squirmed, trying desperately to escape, but I couldn’t. Even if I couldn’t, I would die trying.

His mouth attacked my throat while I struggled between him and the wall. With the adrenaline pumping through my body, I used all of my strength and pushed him as hard as I possibly could. With the few inches I created between us, I picked my leg up and stomped my heel into his foot. 

I prepared to bolt with the time I had bought myself, but a second later he was landing a ruthless slap to my face. I registered the burning pain as he pinned me to the wall with his body again. “Oh, now you’re really gonna get it, pogue.” His sudden anger shook me to my core, his sick laugh echoing in my ears like a fire alarm. 

His hand landed on my thigh and dragged along my skin, pushing my dress up higher and higher as I felt the screams get caught in my throat. I dug my nails into his arms but he wasn’t bothered. He kissed me again and I took his bottom lip between my teeth, biting down hard until I tasted blood.

He yanked his head back, face twisting in rage. Even with his violating hands still searing into my skin, I brought my knee up into his crotch, and he yelled in pain. I didn’t waste any time and took off running, but I was yanked back by my hair. 

“Fucking bitch!” My head throbbed as I crashed to the ground, feeling my elbows scrape the pavement. I was seeing stars as I felt Rafe’s weight drop on top of me, his form straddling me. I threw my fists wildly into his stomach and chest, desperately trying anything to escape him, but I knew my efforts were becoming futile. His ring-clad fist connected with my cheekbone and a sob crawled its way up my throat.

“Stop!” I screamed. His hand suddenly grabbed my throat, cutting off my cries once again. I clawed at his skin to get him to stop, but he only increased the pressure on my esophagus until I couldn’t breathe, and I squeezed my eyes shut. My world was spinning and my terror didn’t let me register the pain anymore, only the horrendous realization of what’s happening to me taking over my thoughts. 

After what felt like minutes but was only a few seconds, I felt his breath fan over my face from where he hovered over me. “You’re not fucking worth the trouble.” He released my neck and I felt him get off of me, but I dared not open my eyes. I was too scared of what might happen. It surely became known when I felt a sharp kick to my stomach. I whimpered, then he landed another kick to my side. “Nobody wants you now! Nobody will ever want you! You’re just a dirty little pogue,” he seethed. 

“Fucking bitch,” he spat again, and I heard his heavy footsteps as he stormed off, leaving me on the ground in pieces. 

11:00 PM

I finally sat up, finding the strength to put myself together again, but was pulled into a coughing fit, my throat burning. I wish I could say I was numb, but I was brutally aware of the torment my body has been through, of the emotional trauma I’d have to live with. 

I carefully stood to my feet but folded in half with arms wrapped around my stomach, clutching myself in pain. Everything hurts. I forced myself to straighten, holding back the tears. I felt broken in every way possible, but I willed myself to figure out how to get help.

I picked up my bag that had been tossed to the ground and rummaged through it for my cell phone. With a heavy heart, I called the one person that I needed more than anyone.

But of course, he didn’t answer. More tears were shed, even though it felt like I couldn’t possibly cry anymore. “Answer, goddammit,” I sobbed. I called again. “Please, JJ. Please. I need you.” Again, the call went to voicemail. 

I let out a wail of anguish. Even with nasty bruises already forming on my skin, the loud shatter of my heart is what hurt the most. He’s never here. Even when I need him. 

I didn’t even want to call anyone else. My ankle, my face, my stomach, my throat. Even though I was shaking in pain, I wanted to wallow in my heartbreak alone, so I slowly started walking again, and limped all the way home. 

***

JJ’s P.O.V.

“How was the movie last night?”

I stretched my arms over my head with a yawn, barely registering what John B. asked. “Huh?”

He chuckled and sat next to me on the pullout couch in the living room where I slept. “You got back pretty late last night. I’m guessing you and Y/N had a good time?” Now I’m thinking it’s not just my sleep induced brain that’s making me so confused.

“What do you mean? I wasn’t with Y/N,” I groaned while rubbing my eyes, the sunlight seeping through the windows too bright and annoying.

“What do you mean, dude?” His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes suddenly flashed with anger. “You were supposed to take her to a movie last night.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I grumbled, getting even more annoyed. He doesn’t have a right to be pissed at me, not when I have no idea what he’s even pissed about. It’s too fucking early for this shit. 

John B. stood up with a sharp laugh. “I can’t believe you forgot again, man. Seriously?”

I sat up, my anger matching his now. “You wanna tell me what this is about?” He shook his head before looking at me again, baffled. 

“Y/N? Kill Bill? You guys had a date planned.” 

I glared at him before realization finally hit me. I slapped my hand to my forehead. “Fuck. Was that supposed to be last night?”

He shook his head again. “You’re unbelievable, really.” I sighed. It was an honest mistake. At least I know she’ll forgive me. She always forgives me. 

“I’ll fix it. I’m sure she won’t be mad.” John B. rolled his eyes. “And it wasn’t a date, by the way.”

“Yeah? Did you tell her that?”

“Stop talking in riddles, man. What the hell do you mean? Of course she knows.” He hit me on the back of the head, reminding me of my headache, the dreaded hangover starting to take effect. “Hey! What was that for?”

“She likes you, idiot! No idea why, considering you’re just a dick that doesn’t bother to show up to the plans you guys make.”

“Is this why you’re yelling at me? She doesn’t like me, dude. Not like that,” I rolled my eyes. I could punch him for getting on my case over nothing. Y/N doesn’t like me, and missing plans has never been a big deal. I just want to deal with my hangover in peace.

“You don’t deserve her. And she doesn’t deserve your shit,” he said, walking away into the kitchen. 

“You’re getting mad over nothing. Fuck off,” I grunted, head in my hands. I need coffee and advil. His yelling is making my headache worse.

He sauntered back into the living room, throwing a bottle of painkillers at me, too forcefully if you ask me. “Just tell me, if you weren’t with Y/N, what did you do last night?”

I smirked, remembering the events that took place. “A hot blonde that I met at the boneyard,” my smirk widened. I expected some sort of congratulations from my best friend like usual, but I was met with a scoff and a water bottle being thrown at me.

“You’re a prick. You know that?” 

“And you’re an asshole. What do you want from me?”

“Whatever, dude. Let’s just hope Y/N forgives you this time,” he snapped, walking away and finally leaving me in much needed silence.

“She will!” I yelled after him, hearing his bedroom door slam shut.

I sighed before gulping down the painkillers for my headache. I grabbed my discarded shorts from yesterday on the floor and grabbed my phone out of the pocket. I had forgotten that I put it on Do Not Disturb mode after the hot blonde and I left the party. Girls like it when you give them all of your attention, and aren’t distracted by calls and texts. 

I sighed again when I saw the text’s from Y/N.

9:36 PM: On my way! See you in 20 :)

10:10 PM: Yo are you coming? 

I sure feel like an asshole now. I hoped that she would’ve watched the movie without me anyway, but considering she called me twice at 11:00, she probably didn’t. I feel even worse now that I can see she waited over an hour for me. I typed out a text to her, but I wasn’t sure how to word this apology.

Hey, sorry I missed out last night. Got held up :)

I opted for keeping it nonchalant, not wanting to make this a big deal. I’ll make sure she knows how sorry I am the next time I see her. I’m not worried though. She’s the only one out of the pouges that doesn’t get mad at me when I do stupid shit, and she always forgives me. This time won’t be any different.

I laid back down with my arm covering my eyes, and I thought about what John B. said. Y/N doesn’t like me. She’d be stupid to like a fuck up like me. No, no, we’re just friends, and have been for years. I laughed at the thought. 

John B. was right about one thing, though. I definitely don’t deserve her. She’s way too good for me, especially when I’m not good to her.

***

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I stood in front of the mirror and peered at my naked body in the reflection, tears spilling down my cheeks for what felt like the millionth time. 

My eye was swollen and bruised, a cut on my cheek from Rafe’s ring. Large spots of sickly green and deep violet stained my torso. Dark rings around my wrists from his tight grip. A lighter purple ring wrapped around my neck from where Rafe’s hands had cut off my breathing. 

My hot tears dripped from my face and landed on my collarbone, bringing my attention to the hickeys littering the side of my neck too. I wanted to vomit. I could take the physical assault, but that’s not all this was. He violated me. Kissed me. Sucked on my neck while his hands traveled under my dress. 

Going to the police was a thought that bounced through my mind, but I couldn’t, not yet at least. I was much too unstable. I needed support if I was going to report it, but I still hadn’t told anyone what happened. I spent all of yesterday locked in my room, letting myself wallow in the pain.

JJ had texted me yesterday morning, apologizing for not showing up. A simple text wasn’t enough this time. He texted me again that afternoon.

I’m really sorry, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Please don’t be mad at me :(

I wasn’t mad. I was heartbroken, and didn’t bother responding to that text either. If he had shown up, I wouldn’t have been assaulted by Rafe. If he was there, we would have been happily watching my favorite movie, eating snacks and probably laughing at the gore displayed on the screen. If he was there, I wouldn’t have been crying in the dark streets alone, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I could have been raped. That I was almost raped.

The other pogues were trying to get a hold of me yesterday too, inviting me to their plans, but I never responded to anyone. I didn’t want to face them, or anyone for that matter. I didn’t even think I wanted to tell them what happened. It was all too much, and I didn’t want to relive it by telling anyone what Rafe had done to me. Not to mention it would add even more ammunition to the war between us and the kooks. 

I don’t feel any different today, still just wanting to curl up in bed and be alone for probably forever, but I don’t have that luxury today. My mom had left for work this morning before I even woke up, but she sent me a text asking me to run some errands. When I protested, she gave me the whole lecture on how I only ever spend time with the pogues and never help out. I didn’t have a choice. 

With one last glance in the mirror, I wiped the tears off my face and started getting dressed. I had to cover the bruises somehow, but makeup was not going to do the trick. Despite the hot temperature outside, I threw on a large sweatshirt over my sports bra. If I put the hood on, nobody would notice the disgusting marks lining my neck. I found a pair of my mom’s oversized sunglasses and they covered enough of my face to hide the cut on my cheek along with the black eye. I put on shorts and shoes and grabbed my bag before looking in the mirror one last time. Nobody would notice.

***

JJ’s P.O.V.

“Have you guys heard from Y/N?” Pope asked the group. “She hasn’t responded to any of my texts for like two days.” I frowned. At least I wasn’t the only one she was ignoring. I thought that she was probably still mad at me for bailing on our plans, but since she isn’t responding to Pope either, maybe she’s just busy with other things.

“No, I haven’t,” Kie answered. “Pretty weird, right?”

“Yeah, I wonder what’s up.” Pope’s face looked concerned suddenly, and I found my own expression matching his.

“Why don’t you ask JJ here,” John B. said, tone sharp with annoyance. Kie and Pope both whipped their heads towards me, eyebrows raised in question. I just scoffed, turning my attention back to waxing my board.

“What the hell did you do?” Pope asked. His accusing words pissed me off. Who said this was my fault?

“Nothing, okay? I just forgot we had plans, and--” I was cut off by John B.

“No surprise there,” he mumbled under his breath. 

Kiara sighed, her disappointed eyes casting down on me. “Seriously, JJ?”

“What? You guys can’t pin the blame on me! I got distracted, it wasn’t my fault.”

John B. scoffed and I wanted to punch him, much like yesterday morning. “Yeah, what was her name again? The distraction, I mean.” I rolled my eyes. 

“Come on, dude. Not cool,” Pope added with a shake of his head. With all three of them staring at me in dismay, it felt like my friends were attacking me. It’s also like they knew something I didn’t. Why is everything always my fault? 

“Stop turning it into a big deal. I just forgot, okay? I already apologized, so it’s fine.”

“So she forgave you?” JB asked, eyes narrowed like he already knew the answer.

“Well, no...” I let my head drop, looking down at the golden sand with all of our beach gear. “She never responded. But come on, this is Y/N we’re talking about! She never stays mad for long.” The words were meant to get my friends off my back, but I found myself taking comfort in them too. I had never really seen Y/N mad before, but if she actually was mad at me, I hoped she’d let me make it up to her and forgive me. I let myself believe that everything would be fine.

Nobody had anything else to say, only sighing and turning their gazes away from me. I felt the anger sitting in the pit of my stomach, but at least they dropped the subject. I’m more upset that this might actually be my fault. ‘Y/N isn’t the type to get mad easily,’ I reminded myself again. But she’s also not the type to ignore her friends. My mind drifted, wondering if she’s okay. 

“Eat up, boys,” Kie said, taking a stack of sandwiches out of the cooler she brought. We all sat down on our towels and started eating, but I couldn’t shake the thought of Y/N from my mind. Maybe I should text her again.

Hey. We’re all at the beach having lunch if you wanna join us. Even if you don’t, that’s ok. Just let me know you got this. We’re all worried about you. I’m worried about you...

I typed it out, but couldn’t bring myself to send it. If she really is ignoring us, I’m sure it’s for a good reason. Maybe it’s best to just give her space. She’ll reach out when she wants to. Whatever the reason, though, I really hope it’s not because of me. She’s the one person I can always count on to be on my side, and I don’t know what I’d do if I was the cause of her distancing from us.

“Oh, no way. It’s Y/N!” Pope interrupted my thoughts. My head turned to see where he was looking, and sure enough, it was my girl, passing through the boardwalk.

Pope was up on his feet and ran to her, calling over his shoulder that he’ll bring her over to us.

***

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Y/N! Hey!” I stopped in my tracks when I heard my name being shouted, and I noticed Pope running up from behind me.

“Oh, hey Pope,” I said, trying to swallow down my nerves. I didn’t plan on running into my friends here. I didn’t need them finding out about what happened the other night, so I put on a half-hearted smile, trying to act normal, trying to act okay.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked with a laugh, pulling me into a bear hug. I held back my wince from where he grabbed my sides, the bruises there shooting pain through my body. 

“Oh, ya know,” I gulped. “Just busy with my family.” I was glad that my sunglasses were dark enough so that he couldn’t see my eyes. If he could, he’d know I was lying within seconds. “Sorry I’ve been M.I.A.”

“It’s alright. Come on. We’re having lunch right now.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the beach, and the other pogues sitting together on the beach came into my focus. 

My eyes widened. “Uh, no, Pope. Sorry, but I have to go.” He stopped and gave me a weird look. “I... I’m running errands for my mom,” I shrugged, hoping he would let me go so that I don’t have to talk to the others, talk to JJ. 

“Just come say hi then. Everyone missed you!” He tugged my hand again, but I didn’t budge from where I planted my feet in the sand. 

“No, Pope. Really, I have to get going.” I didn’t have any other excuses up my sleeve, and I could feel my resolve coming undone. He gave me another weird look, probably wondering what the hell is going on with me. I wanted to tell him. I did, really. But I was not ready to talk about it. I didn’t need him or the others seeing what I looked like under this sweatshirt, or the black eye I was sporting under my glasses. I knew it would only cause more problems, more rage, and I couldn’t handle that right now. If anything, I just needed a hug.

“Is everything okay?” I looked down at my feet and sighed, trying to muster up the strength to lie to one of my best friends. When I looked back up to him, he had sent a look towards the pogues, and they all got up and started making their way over.

“Yes, Pope. I’m fine,” I breathed out a laugh, trying to cover up my panic. “I gotta go, now. Really.” I turned around to run away, but I was too late. The pogues had already crossed the beach and were surrounding me. 

“Y/N! Hey, we missed you!” Kie smiled, pulling me into a hug. Again, I had to hide my grimace from the pain that engulfed me so that my friends couldn’t see. I knew I couldn’t keep up this act for long, and I felt my heart sinking further into my chest.

“Yeah, I’m glad we ran into you,” John B. smiled with a nod in my direction. His expression was soft and kind, and it strangely made me feel like he understood that I wasn’t all the way okay.

“There’s my girl,” JJ’s voice rang through my ears. He looked relieved, and pulled me into his chest, squeezing me tight. This time, I wasn’t able to hold in the small noise that escaped past my lips. When he pulled away, he looked down at me with concern. “You okay?”

I pushed him away. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I couldn’t put on a half-assed smile this time. He’s the one causing my pain. The one that bailed on me. The one that wasn’t there when I needed him, leaving me alone and in broken pieces on that horrible night.

“Why are you wearing a sweatshirt?” Kie laughed. “It’s like one hundred degrees out here.” I just shrugged my shoulders, even though I was dying under the heavy material and the heat of the sun. I looked over my shoulder down the boardwalk, trying to avoid their worried glances, especially JJ’s. I could feel his eyes burning into me, and I couldn’t bear the weight of it for much longer.

“Yeah, what the hell? It’s burning hot out here,” Pope added, and pulled my hood off my head. 

“Pope, don’t,” I said. “I have to go.” I turned away after putting my hood back on and started walking, not even caring that they definitely know something’s wrong now. I just need to get away before I break down.

JJ was the one to catch up to me, leaving the pogues behind us and sharing worried looks. “Y/N, wait.” He grabbed my wrist, and I winced at the contact. “I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry for missing our plans. I got held up with a touron, and you know how it is. She was so hot, how could I not go home with her?” he laughed. Looking up at him, I felt my heart shatter all over again. Of course. He wasn’t with me because he was hooking up with some girl. This fucking hurts more than the punch Rafe landed to my face, and I felt anger swell inside of me.

“Come on, you’re not mad at me, are you?” He smiled, bringing his hands up to cradle my face. He was being his charming self like usual, which is precisely the reason I even fell for him in the first place. But his cute dimples and bright eyes aren’t going to fix anything this time. If anything, they’re just another stab to my chest.

He could sense I wasn’t giving into him. “I’ll make it up to you. Promise,” he pouted. My lips parted to speak, but no words tumbled out. He suddenly ripped my sunglasses from my face.

“JJ, don’t!” His face dropped at the sight of my bruised eye. The glasses fell to the sand when he stepped closer to me, eyes scanning my face. I pushed him back, but he swatted my hands away.

“Y/N?” His features quickly turned from worried to angry. “What the fuck happened?” I felt tears pricking my eyes, but I held them back as I tried to push him away again. He yanked my hood off my head and I knew he was piecing it all together now.

He reached for the bottom of my sweatshirt, and my hands grabbed at his to try and stop him. “Leave me alone,” I yelled, but he didn’t. Despite my attempts to stop him, he had grabbed the bottom of my sweatshirt and started pulling it up over my head. “JJ, stop!” I yelled again, but I couldn’t fight him back anymore because it hurt too much. He had taken it all the way off, leaving me just in my sports bra, my beaten body on full display.

A series of gasps surrounded me as the other pogues gathered around us again, shocked and bewildered expressions on their faces. I watched JJ scan my body. His eyes lingered on the bruises on my belly before flicking to my face again, and then my neck. With the way his eyebrows furrowed and he clenched his jaw, I could tell he was examining the hickeys on my skin. Tears ran freely down my cheeks, and the silence was deafening. 

“Oh, Y/N...” Kie whispered, eyes becoming glossy.

“What the fuck happened?!” JJ burst. His face was twisted in rage as his hands reached for me. I stepped away, but he grabbed my arms. “Who the fuck did this to you?!” I shook my head, trying to swallow the sob that was making its way up my throat. “Y/N, who the fuck was it?!”

“JJ! Lay off!” John B. spoke up. Kie had wrapped her arms around me, wanting to shield me from our angry friend. They could tell JJ wasn’t helping. 

John B. and Pope pulled at JJ’s arms to get him to step back, but he exploded even more. “YN! Tell me who did this to you!” Seeing his reddened face and furious eyes made my own burning anger swim to the surface.

“Stop yelling at her!” Pope told JJ, him and JB still holding the blonde away from me.

“No! I swear to god I’m going to kill ‘em. What the FUCK happened??”

“It wouldn’t have happened if you had bothered to SHOW UP!” I flared, my voice slicing through the chaos among the group. My heated gaze met JJ’s, and his entire face fell at my words, the rage washing away from his pools of blue and replaced with sadness.

Everything seemed to still at my outburst, even my tears. I watched as JJ crumbled beneath the weight of my words. As angry and heartbroken and hurt as I was, I wanted to see him this way. I wanted him to feel guilty. 

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t show up. I should've known you wouldn’t answer when I called you for help. Because you never do.” With every word I spat, I could see the effect they had on him. I kept my ruthless stare fixed on him. “Congrats on fucking some touron, though.” 

Everyone stayed silent as I picked up my sweatshirt and sunglasses from the sand. I glanced at JJ one last time before putting my glasses back on and turning around, leaving everyone behind me without another word. 

***

Read: Stood Up - Part 2

Masterlist

***

[greengrayeyeswrites]

shit-faced in love (chapter one)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,630

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn't like fanfics about him, I'll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2

— — —

„You did what?!“ Baylee screeched into the phone and Imogen sighed. She was standing in Ballinlough Community Park and watched Buddy run around in circles, greeting the other dogs. 

„Baylee, please don’t yell… This is stupid enough even without you screaming in my ear.“ Imogen rubbed the bridge of her nose and Baylee sighed. „I just can’t believe you pinky-promised on taking Pole Dancing classes when reaching two mil… Imogen, you know you’re depressed and suffer from BPD, right?“ Imogen chuckled. 

„I know, Bay. I was diagnosed often enough“ she quickly rolled her eyes and watched Buddy stumble over his feet. „To my defense, I was shit-faced hammered when we made that plan.“

Remembering the drunk game of Proximity Among Us a few months prior, where Imogen had a playful banter with the deep-voiced Youtuber Corpse Husband, send a shiver down her spine.

She was already tipsy. Tipsy and the imposter and running around like a maniac, killing everyone who came across her, when Disguised Toast asked her, what she wanted to do once reaching two million subscriber.

Her drunk laugh had ringed in everyones ears as she promised to document herself taking Pole Dancing classes like Seán and Mark had once done. 

„Do it in San Diego“ Corpse had chuckled and Imogen had pursed her lips. „You want me to fly all the way to the states to take Pole Dancing classes?“ She had asked before killing off his little astronaut.

Once back in the lobby Corpse, whom she was getting to know at that time, started talking about the weird and drunk induced idea.  „You wanted to visit your best friend in Houston anyway, right?“ The man spoke and Imogen had nodded—even if no one except her chat could see it.

„Then come to San Diego. I bet there are good schools here.“ And after taking another sip from her Vodka Imogen grinned. „Sure, why not!“

But Imogen had low-key forgot about this situation and when Corpse tweeted her this morning, her whole face flushed and she remembered everything about the drunk Among Us session.

„But are you doing it?“ Baylee’s voice brought Imogen back to the reality. „Are you really coming to the states?“ Imogen bit the inside of her lip. „I’m meeting my therapist later today. I will definitely talk about this with him and see what he has to say.“

Imogen heard Baylee hum in the background. „I would be happy if you’d come and visit me“ she started and Imogen pouted. „Me too!“ She watched Buddy run towards her, with a stick in his mouth.

She knew she had pinky-promised Corpse that she would fly over to San Diego and document her Pole Dance classes. But was she brave enough to actually do it?

— — —

Two months later, it was a hot and sticky day in June and Imogen was looking at the suitcase in front of her. She still couldn’t believe what she was about to do.

With a one-way ticket to Houston and Buddy’s pet passport in her hands, nothing was in her way to travel over the pond. She got tested negatively for Covid and was ready to embark on this new journey.

She had a good talk with her psychiatrist about the upcoming journey and he told her that she was currently stable enough to travel. He stacked up her medication and told her that she could always call him, when she felt like the mood swings were too much to handle.

It took Imogen two months to prepare Buddy for the upcoming trip, and a lot of meetings with his vet to check if the fluffy dog would be okay in two eight hour flights. 

Imogen had her phone at her ear and was currently talking with non other than her internet friend Sykkuno. „Do you think Buddy is going to be okay?“ Imogen asked, fumbling with the hem of her pajama top. „You’ve prepared him well! You checked his health with the vet and talked with airline. You also got a letter from your psychiatrist, that Bud needs to be with you at all times!“ Sykkuno spoke and Imogen sighed.

„I know, Sykk… But I’m a little anxious that he’s going to get sick throughout the flight.“ She looked at Buddy, who was still sleeping on his cushion. „I just read so many horror stories about pets dying during flights.“ - „I feel you, Imogen. I would be super scared if something would happen to Bimbus.“ 

Imogen sat down on her bed. She still had a few hours before she had to head to the airport. She was happy Sykkuno had picked up the phone, otherwise she would’ve freaked out.

„I’m seriously happy that there are no size requirements for emotional-support-dogs… I already booked business class seats so Bud and I can have more space.“ She sighed and Sykkuno chuckled. „Just imagine the faces of all these business men wondering why there’s a full grown Siberian Husky in business class“ his laugh rang in her ears and her heart jumped.

„Not gonna lie, Sykkuno, but I can’t wait to finally meet you in person!“ She grinned and looked at all the documents, that were sprawled out on her bed. 

There was the letter from her psychiatrist, stating that Imogen needed the animal for psychological reasons; a prescription of why Imogen needed said animal and all the other veterinary documentations.

Imogen could hear the one year older male laugh. „Me too, Imogen!“, his voice was as soft as usual. „I can’t wait for Bimbus and Buddy to meet!“ He chuckled and Imogen nodded.

She had contacted almost all of her closest Youtube friends and had asked them if they wanted to meet, once she and Buddy set foot in America. 

Sykkuno was one of the first to tell her, that he wanted to meet her and Buddy. Then came Rae, that invited her to do a collab or something for their channels. Poki also contacted Imogen, asking if she wanted to hang out with her.

But the one, Imogen hadn’t believe would approach her, was Corpse Husband. Corpse had called her—it had been one in the morning in Ireland—and told her that he wanted to meet her, once she was in San Diego for her Pole Dance class.

„You want to meet me?“ Imogen asked him. „You never show your face and yet you want to meet me… in person?“ His deep laugh rang in her ears. „Yeah… is that weird? We’ve been texting everyday and I really want to meet Buddy!“ Imogen rolled her eyes.

„You want to meet the dog, not me?“ He laughed even louder and Imogen was worried for a second. His breath hitched. „Are you okay?“ - „Yeah, you just sounded as if you were jealous of your dog.“ Imogen rolled her eyes and bit her fingernails.

„You know he’s not just my dog, but my companion, right?“ - „Yet you’re jealous of me wanting to meet him.“ Imogen knew that it was no use talking to him and sighed. „You know what? Let’s meet and see if you really only want to meet Buddy.“

Imogen shook her head as she remembered the late-night calls and texts from the faceless YouTuber. And she could only fathom how stressful it must be for him to actually invite Imogen over.

„When’s your flight?“ Sykkuno asked and Imogen sat down on her gaming chair, overlooking her room and sleeping Buddy on the floor. „It’s in few hours. I still need to dress properly, I’m still in my pajama. And I still need to head up to Dublin.“ Imogen laughed. „Your layover is in Washington right?“ - „Yes, I wanted to stop in Washington because Buddy can only hold in his pee for about nine hours.“ A chuckle left the black haired girls mouth and Sykkuno laughed. 

„It’s his usual sleep duration“ Imogen looked at her wristwatch. „Dang, Sykk… I’m sorry but I really need to hang up. I definitely need to get ready. Sorry Bub!“ The YouTuber on the other line laughed. „It’s okay, Imogen. Get ready. Text me once you’re boarded and in case you need anything!“ 

Imogen grinned. „Thank you Sykkuno. Really, thank you!“ She said her goodbyes and hung up. Looking at the watch one more time, she took a deep breath. 

Imogen stood up and put her phone on her desk before rushing to the pile of clothes she decided to wear for the journey. She decided on a simple black skinny jean and an oversized black print tee. 

It was one of her go-to outfits and one she felt the most comfortable with. Even if people on the internet were sometimes thirsting over her posts and pictures; she still didn’t give them thirst traps by choice.

 She would’ve never imagined people nutting over her posting a picture of her legs covered in cuts and bruises. 

Imogen never thought people would find her scars hot. And she always exclaimed in her videos, that it wasn’t pretty, that she wasn’t romanticizing her illness. She wanted to spread awareness that it was be ugly. That’s why she posted pictures of her legs. 

She wanted to show, that it wasn’t pretty, having legs covered in self-inflicted cuts and bruises. But people still thought it was hot and edgy because she dressed like that. 

Imogen straightened her hair and checked herself in the mirror. Her eyeliner had the perfect wing and her usually dark eyebags weren’t as prominent as usually. 

She took a deep breath. „Americas… here I come…“ she looked at her dog, before taking her phone and posting one more tweet, before getting ready to head up to Dublin for her first flight of the day.

to be continued...

Taglist: @wineandionysus

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph, got any good old (maybe new?) bedsharing fics for a fanfic obsessed lurker?

Thanks 😘

Hey Nonny!!

Hahha! I actually just did a list recently of my old ones, but I just double-checked my offline lists and I actually DO have some fics on my next Bed Sharing list, so GUESS WHAT? Your ask is the one to start the next Bed Sharing one, LOL.

As usual, if anyone has any they’d like to add, especially if they’re brand new fics, let us know! <3

BEDSHARING Pt. 5

See also:

The Speckled Blonde / BedSharing

BedSharing Pt. 2 and Insecure Sherlock

Bed Sharing Pt. 3

Bed Sharing Pt. 4

Bed Sharing “Just Happens”

Soft. Happy. Content. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 223 w., 1 Ch. || Sleepy Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Spooning, Morning After, Sherlock POV) – Sherlock reflects on his state of mind.

And When The Night Is Over by Simply Isnt On (K, 329 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Platonic Bed Sharing / Not Slash) – Sherlock and John sleep together.

I Knew You Loved Me by inevitably_johnlocked (T, 743 w., 1 Ch. || Morning Cuddles, Fluff, Clingy Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slice of Life, Morning After, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Declarations of Love, Pet Name, Bed Sharing, Snuggles) – John and Sherlock share a lie-in the morning after their first time. So fluffy and gross your teeth will fall out. Part 4 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Sleep Tonight by Jenn1984 (T, 1,220 w, 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Bed Sharing, Worried Sherlock, Sick John, Hugs/Cuddles, Touch Neediness) – Fingers begin prying open his jacket looking for a wound and John would really like to swat at them. No, he's not hit anywhere, he's just damn sick.- John Watson has a fever.

Loved. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 1,231 w., 1 Ch. || First Sherlock POV, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nose Kisses, Morning After, Love Confessions, Morning Cuddles, Emotional Sherlock, Sentiment, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock reflects on his relationship with John. Part 5 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Here to Stay by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 1,574 w., 1 Ch. || Post Reunion, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Headache, Bed Sharing, Care Taker Sherlock, Hand Holding, Fluff) – On Sherlock's first day home, John wakes with a migraine.

The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.

Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It's because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.

Human Body Pillow by Lunavere (K, 4,122 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Sleepy Johnlock, Bed Sharing) – A story about the five times John fell asleep on Sherlock, and the one time Sherlock fell asleep on him.

The Myth by AGirloftheSouth (M, 4,329 w., 1 Ch || Sex Toys / Anal Beads, PWP, Romance, Bottom John, Prostate Stimulation) – Sherlock believes something to be a myth. John proves him wrong.

When We Sleep by PrincessNala (K+, 6,660 w., 1 Ch || Post-TGG,  Alternating POV, Bed Sharing, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort, Hugs) – Sherlock needed to feel every beat of his heart, every rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. It was the only way to completely assure himself that John was alive and right there next to him, and not dead, no, never dead…

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names, Panic Attack) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

A Silver Sixpence by _doodle (NC-17, 16,400 w., 2 Ch. || LJ Fic || For a Case / Case Fic, Fake Relationship, Humour, Romance, Marriage Proposal, Awkward Idiots, Cuddling, Touching, Kissing, Love Confessions, Bed Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fake Until It’s Not, Schmoop and Fluff, Bottomlock) – “John, we need to get married. It’s for a case, not any romantic notions on my part pertaining to our partnership,” Sherlock said, with brutal honesty, and without even looking up.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

Insanity in the Middle by DotyTakeThisDown (E, 28,010 w., 8 Ch. || Equestrian Sports AU || Alternate First Meeting, POV John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Clueless Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Passionate Kisses, Hand Holding, Caught Making Out, Bed Sharing, Spooning, Blow Job) – John is a world-class eventing rider with a gold medal and several four-star wins to his credit, but he's never won at Rolex. Sherlock is an up-and-coming rider taking the sport by storm.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love,  Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Bound By Blood - Geralt of Rivia x (f)reader - Part 2

Summary: Geralt has learned of a mysterious witch and her supposed vicious familiar, now he must hunt to bring them down for their crimes.

Warning: blood & gore, angst, bit o fluff, things getting chaotic

Masterlist if yall are interested - you’ll find part 1 there

After an admittedly pleasant couple hours of greatly appreciated morning sex, the two of you are finally up and dressed for the days new adventure into the closest village which is about four miles southeast. Luckily for you, your man has a horse which is very fortunate when trekking through snow.

It only takes an hour or so to finally reach the small village of Thurn that’s located just below huge towering mountains that practically touch the sky. Snow covers the land just as expected though the market place is mussed up with mud and dirt from busy travelers and townsfolk alike.

Considering this place is surrounded by a great thick forest and there’s only one trail leading into it, and it’s not part of the main road, you can’t help but still feel apprehensive about who you may meet even with your Witcher by your side. No one knows who or what you are, and it appears that no one seems to care either, although you do notice how some glare in your direction. It’s not you, calm down, you try and convince yourself.

Geralt reassures you it’s only him that they’re keeping a wary eye on, and by the way he gives you a warm smile you believe him and do your best to forget the strange looks here and there. You’re safe with him, this place is away from the main road and there’s no way a single soldier would be here.

Standing on a building corner while facing the marketplace, you watch as Geralt pays for some dried fish and a fluffy loaf of warm bread. So far your nerves have calmed, though you keep a keen gaze on every opening into the great marketplace in case something or someone was to try and harm him or even you for that matter. You have killed many soldiers after all, not to mention the bear.

Suddenly a hand lays itself onto your shoulder when you’re not paying attention causing you to jump back and just about knock Geralt out with your fist. He barely manages to dodge it when you quickly reel back in shock, not expecting it to be him.

He chuckles lightly, “Just me.”

Rolling your eyes you smile fondly up at him, “Sorry...um, reflexes eh.” You mutter with a breathy laugh.

“Guess you were right about being dangerous after all.” He muses, making light of your slight embarrassment.

Taking the bread from his hand you playfully scoff, “Well then again, maybe not touch a woman before she knows who you are? Next time I might accidentally rip your throat out and you’d never see it coming.” You add while tearing off a piece of bread and popping it into your mouth.

Taking a small chunk himself, Geralt hums, “Wise words, I’ll keep that in mind next time.” Before biting into the bread, as you study his face you can’t help but notice how he appears to be fully enjoying your little makeshift breakfast. 

Suddenly a flash of sunlight rickashays off of something metal catching your sight in the morning light, just about blinding you for a small moment. You blink, eyes darting to a market stall that’s filled with meats. Where two soldiers dressed in black are speaking with the butcher, you freeze, taking Geralt off guard with your new fearful state.

“Y/N what is it?” He whispers as you begin to breath heavily, eyes wide as you watch the Nilfgaardians every move. His grey brows furrow in puzzlement before he turns around to follow your line of sight, only to be met with the backs of two soldiers minding their business.

He can hear how loud your heartbeat has become as it thunders in your chest with rage and building adrenaline, he knows exactly what you want to do next but this is not the place for it. Turing back towards you he sets a cautious hand upon your shoulder, “Not here.” He warns softly.

You keep unflinching, nostrils flared as your fists clench in anger, his hand presses firmer now, “Y/N, not here.” He warns again, with more gumption this time, really meaning it.

Breaking out of your self inflicted trance your eyes shift back up to his golden ones, “It’s too late.” You whisper regretfully, “He’s coming for them.”

“Who is?” Inquires Geralt, unsure of what that could possibly mean.

Letting out a frustrated sigh you look to the slushy hard ground almost in shame, “My companion.......my bear.” You mumble, “I didn’t mean to but he can sense when I need him and now...I can’t...I can’t stop him Geralt.”

The Witcher’s eyes widen in realization, “What will the bear do?”

Bringing your worrisome gaze back up to him you shake your head nervously, “Whatever he wants.”

“Gods, Y/N.”

You cringe, this isn’t going to play out very well for you and Geralt knows it, “I know, fuck I should never have come here! We should have just stayed in bed and starved, let’s just hope he only goes for the soldiers and is satisfied with them.” You exclaim in a hushed tone, pulling Geralt behind a corner and away from any unwanted attention, “No one here will die unless they try and hurt him or me, you understand. We have to lure those fuckers away from the village. Now!”

“Alright then, do you have a plan?” He wonders, not so sure if you’ll be able to get these men away from the village in time.

“Yes.” You sigh begrudgingly, “Though it’s not to late to leave me and ride off into the sunset.”

He gives you a small smile at your attempt to make light of the situation, “I’m not leaving you, though it’s tempting.” He teases before turning serious again.

“My plan is for you to do nothing and I’ll harass those bastards into following me out of here and into the woods before my companion has a chance to find them in town.”

“I’m not just doing nothing.” He protests.

“Yes, yes I know. You’ll be my back up, okay? Now we don’t have time for this just keep close but not too close.” Before he’s able to argue back you’re already gone and halfway across the muddy street with a new fire in your heart that he’s willing to protect with his very life.

Fists clenched in anger you grab a frozen tomato from the stall next to you and without a second thought chuck it right into the back of one of the soldiers helmets with a loud thud. He grunts, whipping around with eyes full of confused aggression, “Now wha?”

Smack! 

Another tomato right into his big ugly face causing him to choke on his words as he stumbles into the guy next to him. Dazed and frustrated he gets to his feet, unsheathing his jagged sword while his friend does the same. “You bitch! I’ll have your head for that you fuckin’ slut!” He cries angrily much to your sick satisfaction.

“Ma’m you have to pay for those.” Mutters the vegetable farmer fearfully, interrupting your sweet moment of anger.

“Shut up.” You snap, turning to glare daggers at the two soldiers. “Call me a slut again and I’ll shove his innards down your throat.”

Glancing at one another they smirk wickedly before charging at you, darting to the right, you sprint for the village entrance and out the giant overhang as they chase you towards the forest where a small group of tired travelers are coming from on a small wagon.

Fuck! Not these people now!

Your feet carry you almost to the safety of the thick evergreens before a thunderous roar is heard huffing and puffing from out of the pines. You fall to the snow just as the great brown bear blunders into the opening, immediately mauling down the closest soldier who gets pummeled into the wet cold earth. He screams in agony as his innards are indeed ripped out, though his cries are muffled when the bear clamps down onto his face, ending anymore unpleasant sounds coming from him.

The family next to you freezes in terror, their horse kicking and rearing at the wagon desperately trying to vacate the situation as her owner tugs on her reigns for dear life. The bear growls at the horse from across the clearing, face dripping crimson as the other soldier slashes the beast across the face with all that he can, still it does little but make a small scar of red on its furry cheek.

You gasp in pain at a stinging sensation on your cheek, however your mind doesn’t have time to weigh on it as the bear tears the man’s throat out with teeth the size of butter knives, claws digging into the soldier’s black armor as he feasts. Soon your companions furry head raises to meet eye to eye with Geralt who’s found his way onto the messy scene.

Your heart beats rapidly as you shake with adrenaline as your Witcher’s golden eyes dance from the large beast in front of him to you who’s behind both of them. Suddenly the bear takes a step forward causing Geralt to step backwards cautiously. Shit!

You move quickly to the creatures side, “Don’t.” You warn firmly, “He’s mine.” The enchanting ember eyes of the familiar meets your stern gaze as he snorts, giving a distinctive nod in understanding just as an arrow thrusts itself into the beasts shoulder.

“No!” You scream in unison with the bears roar of pain as a sharp stinging races it’s way up your arm when he knocks you to the ground, now standing protectively in front of you like a shield of steel. Geralt quickly turns around to find half a dozen more Nilfgaardian soldiers racing out from the village, one drawing another arrow as they ready a charge.

From behind the bears legs you can see what terror awaits, “Geralt!” You cry desperately as his eyes find yours, “Don’t let them hurt him!”

Heeding to your command, your brave Witcher jumps into action, taking out two soldiers before launching himself at the bowman who’s ready to fire. Your companion moves just as a last arrow plunges into the snowy blood spattered earth right in front of your face. You gasp in shock, staggering to your feet as the men that Geralt couldn’t stop attempt to take down your bear with their swords and shields.

Failing miserably they fall to the beasts paw one by one as you watch in relief, then to your great annoyance and admittedly slight fear does a lone man charge for you. One who’s been able to slip past the defenses, you reach down and take a fistful of snow before throwing it into his face, taking him off guard as you race for the wagon.

“Hand me a weapon!” You shout, “Quickly now if you want your children to live!” The terrified father keeps stiff and silent as his wife throws you a shovel of all things. Turning around you clash wood with steel, the soldier grunts as you kick his feet from out under him. Falling to the earth you quickly swing the rusted shovel around before harshly cutting right through his exposed neck in one clean motion.

His eyes gloss over as you pull the makeshift weapon from his bleeding neck, grimacing in disgust as you drop the shovel to the ground. Not feeling keen on witnessing the reactions of the family from behind you, instead your head stays forward as you walk away towards Geralt.

“Y/N! Are you hurt.” Rushes Geralt worriedly as he jogs over to your disheveled side, eyes all over you in case you really are wounded.

You nod, waving him off, “I’m fine, fine...I promise.”

He smiles, grateful to know you’re alright and uninjured, “Good. We need to leave.”

“I know, come on let’s find your hors..arh ahh fuck...” You scream in pain falling to your knees in the wet snow, Geralt catches you as your eyes darken in anger, two black pupils glaring furiously away from him. “No!” You shout, “Don’t hurt him!”

Turning his head to follow your pained gaze, he’s surprised to find some idiotic villagers as they throw rocks and other shitty weaponry at the roaring beast, “Stop it he’ll kill you!” You shout even louder now as he holds you back. Your familiar grunts and growls in protest as the men push him back farther into the woods, though they don’t stop, idiotically they follow. 

“Let me go!” You snap at Geralt angrily as he holds you tight, “Geralt!”

“Y/N he’s a bear what are we supposed to do now, he cut through those trained soldiers like they were nothing, I’m not having you get anymore roughed up then you already are.” Pleads Geralt. No you idiot they cannot kill him!

Eyes darkening in rage you break from his tight grasp and shove him to the ground before grabbing his fallen sword and racing towards the stupid villagers who are disappearing into the forest, the roars of your companion sounding painfully throughout the woods.

“Y/N!” He shouts after you, still you ignore him, to focused on tearing into the woods with determination clear in your heart. Soon enough you find the men in a snowy meadow among the great timber, makeshift weapons pointing dangerously at the bear who’s now standing his ground. 

“Get back!” You shout as they shove their sticks into the bears face that’s not even ten feet from them. “Don’t!”

The bear growls a fearsome roar of protest and pain as it backs up closer to the tree line while the villagers press closer and closer with their steel and wood, shouting insults as they go.

“Stop it he could rip your throats out you fools! Stop-ah..ouch fuck.” You seethe through clenched teeth as one of them knocks you to the ground with his garden hoe. He chuckles maliciously, eyeing you grossly as he holds up the tool readying for another hit.

“This your beasty, huh?” Taunts the dirty man with a smug grin just as your fearsome bear races to your aid with a new found purpose. He throws men that stand in his way before slashing open the mans stomach, entrails slipping out right before your vary eyes.

“Fuck.” You mutter before all hell breaks loose, more of the village men try and take down the bear but it’s no use, he slashes and tears at them, causing most to flee in terror back through the woods and eventually into the village.

“Stop! You’ve done enough for me! It’s time to go now, leave!” Is lost on the wind as the beast mauls down another man. Soon warm arms pull you from the ground and into a strong chest as your Witcher pleads for you to fall back. “Geralt no! I have to make him leave this place, he’ll kill all who try and harm him!”

“Y/N your bear is murdering innocents, this has to end now!” He exclaims while holding you close though he’s just making you more frustrated. No one is innocent.

“What are you implying?” You snap at him, dreading what he’s about to say next as you hold his arms against your chest.

“Y/N.” He whispers almost regretfully, face pressed against your cheek, “We have to kill him, it’s the only way to stop this slaughter from continuing.”

Elbowing him in the stomach you shove him from your side, face a mask of anguish and fear, “I can’t Geralt!” You exclaim loudly, “Fuck, there are just some things you don’t know about me yet! Dammit this is all wrong!”

He gives you a deep frown as he studies your face, confusion clear on his handsome features, “Y/N we have no choice.”

“There is always a choice!” Your voice is strong as you shout at him, he huffs in frustration at your outburst, clearly he doesn’t know why the bear cannot die. Y/N just tell him, he trusts you. Eyes softening you swallow thickly while touching your sore shoulder, “You don’t understand.”

Staring at you desperately, his face and hair undoubtedly a mess of dirt and blood, he looks to you now with deep confusion, “What do you mean?”

Breathing a heavy sigh you look down at the palm of your hand that’s still covered in bandages, “You can’t kill it, that creature is bound to me by an unbreakable link..”

“What?” He wonders, grey brows furrowing in puzzlement at your strange half explanation, “What does that mean Y/N?”

Your gaze falls to the snow covered earth then over to the beast that’s now decided to head for the woods, leaving a trail of bloody paw prints in the snow, no men left alive in it’s wake.

You frown deeply, your features conflicted and almost lost as you find his lingering gaze once more, “It’s complicated.” You begrudgingly mutter, Y/N he trusts you. “Let’s get out of here and I’ll explain everything.”

“Fine, come on.” Urges Geralt as the two of you make haste for the woods where Roach is waiting patiently.

The ride back is deathly silent, a new tension filling the small atmosphere around the two of you as you sit quietly in front of him. He doesn’t further press you for anything until he’s made it back to the secluded old cabin where he clicks his tongue to stop Roach. Boots hit the snow as Geralt looks up to you now, you nod lowly and let him help you down though you don’t truly need it, he ties off Roach before following you into the warmth of the small house.

As soon as you stand in front of the dying fire do your eyes fill with unshed tears while you bite your lip anxiously. Geralt’s gentle gaze falls onto your form as he steps closely in front of you, reaching his hands up to carefully clasp his hands with yours, “Tell me why this bear is so special to you, please Y/N?” He quietly asks.

Blinking the tears away you rest a hand onto your wounded shoulder that’s left a red mark through your shirt, though still letting him hold the other one. “That beast is my twin brother Geralt.” His brows raise in surprise still he keeps silent as you continue, “I don’t understand it myself, and neither does he. But ever since we came into this world something has linked our very souls and vessels together so that if one of us is hurt, the other feels it too.”

Blinking hard, the Witcher’s brows furrow even deeper now, “That’s your brother.” He repeats, trying to wrap his head around the whole thing as he starts to connect the dots, “Is this why your hand is hurt and your shoulder is wounded?”

You sigh, tilting your head up to fully look at him, “Yes. When you cut his paw it cut me too, then earlier when that damn archer shot him in the shoulder I felt everything.”

“I could tell you looked in pain, and your cheek.” He brings a hand up to gently caress your cheek, “A fresh scar. I did wonder how that happened.”

“It’s a quick pain, still hurts of course. But it’s something I have always lived with, and it’s something mages would be very inclined to study so you mustn’t tell a soul.” You affirmed through pleading eyes as you suddenly pull apart from his grasp when a jolting pain hits you on the temple unexpectedly. “Fuck, what the hell?”

Geralt’s at your side in an instant, “Y/N you’re bleeding.” Worries your Witcher as he grabs a spare cloth and applies it to your head. “Will you be okay?”

“Yes, it’s a simple cut. My brothers thick skull is to thank for that. Dammit if I could only find him.”

“Couldn’t you through some twin bond like you said, maybe that would work?” He suggests.

“Ah shit, fuck...okay yes there is another way...but please don’t look at me differently when I tell you. This is the last secret I promise.”

“Nothing is stranger then this twin link, tell me Y/N I trust you.”

Giving him a kind apprehensive smile do you nod, “My brother isn’t the only one who can change form, I can too. Difference is....I’m a wolf.”

Your heart beats with fear as Geralt begins to chuckle much to your confusion, “A wolf huh? Of course you’re a wolf, I’ve heard this could be destiny of some kind. Do you believe in that horseshit?”

You let out a humorous breath, “Well, I’m a skin-changer and if my twin gets hurt so do I. So...uh....I’m not exactly one to not question what weird shit destiny has in store for me, I mean look, I’m with a Witcher and he hasn’t killed me yet.”

Geralt’s hums, golden eyes shinning bright down at you, “And I don’t ever plan on it.” Oh, Geralt.

He smiles fondly at you though you begin to frown, “Well that’s just it huh, my brother has taken bear form for a while now, he won’t want to come back. And those villagers saw me with him, they’ll know...they’ll hunt for us. Geralt I can’t have him hurt anyone else...but what can I do? There’s only one way to truly reason with him....but I’m afraid.”

“Why? What would happen?” Worries your Witcher.

Your eyes briefly drop to the floor before they shift back up to Geralt, “I must take my beast form to speak with him, he understands me as I am now...it’s just, well I can’t really understand him as a bear.”

“Then we’ll find him.” Mutters Geralt reassuringly, causing a tiny smile to appear on your face, “Together.”

[prettywordsyouleft]

Magnetic - Part 2

Summary: You and Kihyun hadn’t worked as a couple. The fighting was endless, and no make-up sex could repair the damage unfolding between you. Years on, you cross paths with the man again. Will it be the same as before?

Pairing: Yoo Kihyun x female reader

Genre: exes to lovers / angst / romance

Warnings: toxic behaviour in a relationship, self-worth issues.

Word count: 968

Prompt: “You and I, we shouldn’t belong together.”

A/N: This is for the Challenging Words February challenge. The intention of this story is to be shorter in length than my usual series. Most parts will be under 1000 words.

This drabble series will be updated every day during 15-21 February.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

Of course, you fought again. It wasn’t even two months after the last one where you both got worked up over something, and once again you walked out the door, going over to Ashley’s house to stay. This time you withheld for two whole days before you started to crack. You had serious withdrawals and missed Kihyun too much.

Ashley, however, refused to let you go home. “Come out with me and the girls tonight. I think you need this more than you realise.”

“I’m not in the mood to drink my sorrows away. I just want to go home.”

“We’re not going to the club,” Ashley stated, and you frowned at your best friend. “Pull yourself together and go wash your face. We’ll leave in ten minutes.”

“A coffee shop?” you questioned when you followed Ashley down the sidewalk.

She smiled weakly at you and prodded you inside gently. At a booth in the corner were three of your closest friends and you noticed the serious expressions on their faces.

You attempted to greet them happily, but you could feel the foreboding atmosphere engulfing you. “Girls, what’s going on?”

“Y/N, we’re staging an intervention,” Bryony announced, and the others nodded in agreement.

“Huh?” you hummed and then laughed, waving them off. “Oh, I’m fine. Seriously. We just had another silly fight. I’m over it now.”

Claudia shook her head. “What’s going on between you and Kihyun isn’t fine. At all. It’s toxic, and we’re sick of you settling for it.”

“I’m not settling for anything but my own happiness.”

“Are you happy, though? Really happy?” Ashley asked, and you swallowed slowly, not answering as immediately as you had been.

You nodded eventually. “Of course! Don’t be so serious, girls. We’re twenty-one and have our entire lives ahead of us. Love right now is meant to be fun and vivacious.”

“You’re right. But the love you and Kihyun have for one another is destroying you both,” Lauri commented, and you glanced around at your friends one by one before letting out an agitated laugh.

“I don’t have to sit here and listen to you talk badly about my relationship. Kihyun is a good person!”

“I have no doubts about that,” Bryony agreed, smiling gently. “I grew up with him and know he’s worth more than this too. But together, you’re two magnets with the same pole. You’re fighting so hard to be together but don’t realise you can never meet long enough before the repulsion of the magnetic charge between you starts again. Surely you know this too, Y/N.”

“You need to end this relationship for good. You both are amazing people, but together it’s not working. Can’t you see that?”

With tears in your eyes and a lump forming in your throat, you scraped back your chair, shaking your head at them all.

You knew they were right, but you wanted to pretend it was falling on deaf ears a little longer.

The words of your friends weighed heavily on your heart, and even after being home for a week, you felt uneasy. You weren’t sleeping well, dreaming of Kihyun and you both sending the other over the edge. When you weren’t studying for your thesis, you were evaluating what you truly had with the man you loved.

Was it even love? You had been convinced it was love that kept bringing you back together each time, but now you wondered if there was any true love between you at all. You were comfortable with Kihyun. You knew what to expect, both the good and bad, and that was enough for you to become complacent. Your heart did flutter whenever you saw him smile, but lately, that was few and far between. Kihyun equally seemed troubled, and by the time the weekend arrived, you were estranged from each other.

“Can we talk?” Kihyun asked hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck when you entered the kitchen. You noted he had already cooked breakfast, and you nodded silently, taking a seat across from him at the small table. You both ate quietly, though the longer you watched Kihyun mull over the words he wanted to say, the more you lost your appetite.

Placing down your piece of toast, you cleared your throat. “Ki, you and I, we shouldn’t be together, should we?”

You watched as Kihyun’s shoulders slumped, but with relief not disappointment. “You’ve been thinking about us too?”

“The girls said some things,” you admitted, and Kihyun nodded.

“I met with some of my friends and talked about it too. It’s not that I don’t care about you. Gosh, I really do care about you.”

“I know you do.”

Kihyun sighed. “We are like two matches. We can be side by side with ease, but if we rub against the other even just a little, sparks fly.”

“Which is why passion between us works so well,” you pointed out and shared a smile with Kihyun. It soon faded, and you tried to hold back your emotions. “Yet, it’s also why we fight so much too, right?”

“Meeting you isn’t something I regret, but I can’t say during our relationship that I have always felt this way. There’s a lot I’ve done wrong by you and vice versa. Maybe we’re too immature for each other, or maybe we’re just meeting at the wrong time for us.”

“Or maybe there shouldn’t be an us,” you offered, and Kihyun stilled, not disagreeing with you openly. “We’re magnetic, you and I. But not in a good way.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“This will be the first time we’ve not fought for me to walk out of this apartment,” you said with a wry smile. “But I think its best that I leave this one last time. For good.”

_________________

Part 3

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Heartbeat (PART 1)

Lin Beifong woke up one day and heard something she didn't expect.

part 2

fic under the cut

When Toph Beifong retired from the Police Force, she left everything behind. Including the city she had helped found, the house where she raised her daughters... and Lin.

Lin, for her part, decided to keep the house intact. She had moved from there after Su moved in with her grandparents. She rented an apartment near the industrial park. The place was small, but it was all her Lieutenant's salary allowed her to pay. Three years had passed and she had succeeded in silencing any and all rumors about her two very apparent new scars, making use of her characteristic frown and brief excuse of "equipment malfunction". After the incident she used a good part of her little free time to design a new armor that had a scroll system with locks that would prevent anyone else from getting hurt. Three years had passed and Lin hadn't heard a word from Suyin or Toph Beifong.

Lin was awakened by a lazy kiss on her neck and Tenzin's beard against her skin, she murmured in satisfaction as Tenzin began to trail kisses down to her shoulders and collarbone, but then he pulled away, making Lin miss the heat of his body and snort frustrated. The airbender picked up his pants from the floor and began to put them on.

- You can't wake me up like that and just walk away. - she complained raising her torso and leaning on her elbows

- Sorry Lin, I'm already late, my Father is waiting for me for the first classes.  - He put his arms through his shirt - But I'll see you at lunch, right?

Lin muttered an affirmation as she rolled over on her bed to lie on her stomach. Tenzin admired her bare back for a few seconds before approaching her and kissing between her shoulder blade goodbye, finishing pulling on his shirt as he walked away.

- See you at lunch then. - Lin grunted in response waving her hand

Lin had taken the night shift the day before, which meant she didn't have to be at the Police Station until nine, guaranteeing her a few more hours in bed.  After tossing around in the sheets for a few more minutes she decided to get up, she could never go back to sleep once awake. She sat up and stretched her arms, feeling her body shudder as she stretched. She urned on her side, planted her feet on the floor and stood up. As soon as her head stopped spinning from the sudden change of position she felt something that made her blood run like ice through her veins and she almost fell back onto the bed. She felt a small and rapid heartbeat. And suddenly the nausea she'd felt for the past few weeks took on a name.

Lin couldn't be pregnant, she didn't even know if she wanted children. They had been careful. But Toph also had, and there she and Su were to tell the story. She loved Tenzin, and she loved her work and that was enough for her. She didn't have the slightest problem imagining a future where she didn't have children.

Lin didn't hate children, but she didn't love them either. Despite that children surprisingly, for her at least, adored her. The metalbender didn't even try to make them like her, but somehow the kids always clung to her, which was one of the only times Lin accidentally let her soft side show up. But she could get back to her serious and sarcastic state in seconds when she went back to talking to adults or when people dared to point out that she was "soft around kids". Deep down she loved the fact that children liked her despite her distant and intimidating exterior, not that she would ever admit it.

Lin couldn't tell if the nausea she felt next was caused by the anxiety that was churning in her stomach or by the second heartbeat she heard. After throwing up in the toilet she crawled to the sink and studied herself in the mirror and almost saw the word "PREGNANT" stamped on her forehead and felt her stomach churn once more. She decided to get ready for work, staying home until her shift would just give her more time to think. She left without breakfast, not trusting her stomach to hold anything.

As soon as she stepped inside the Police Station she heard someone calling her:

- Beifong! - it was Chief Song, she turned towards his voice, he was walking towards her - I'll nominate you for the Captain position. - he informed and Lin's stomach turned for the umpteenth time that morning

- But Chief, I still need to serve one more year as a Lieutenant. - she said trying to keep her voice steady as her stomach turned

- I'm not asking Lieutenant, you will take the exam for Captain.

- Yes, Chief. - she replied clicking her heels and he walked away

Her head was spinning. There were too many things going on at the same time. All she ever wanted was to be Chief and now she was one step closer to that goal, but now she was pregnant and she knew what that meant for her career. She huffed to herself before heading up to the office floor. She knew that the position of Captain would be the highest position she would have if she decided to go through with this pregnancy.

- Lin! - she heard Saikhan's voice approaching - Chief Song spoke to you? Are you okay? You’re paler than usual. -He added as soon as he finished analyzing his partner's face

- I am fine. - she replied she dryly - He just spoke to me.

- You deserve it, worked at an absurd pace for this. No wonder you will take the exam one year ahead of schedule. - He said in the most animated tone that his moody personality would allow and congratulated her with a pat on the back -Are you sure you're alright? - he asked again, Lin was almost green

She was aware of everything Saikhan had said. But hearing those words out loud made her feel the weight of the things she would have to give up. She had worked tirelessly for the past eight years for that opportunity and now something stopped her.

- Yeah, I just need... air. - she was interrupted by an uncontrollable urge and almost ran to the bathroom closest to the office floor

When she came back after a few minutes she knew she looked as miserable as she felt just by the look her partner was giving her. The second heartbeat stunned her and seemed to be the only thing she could hear. It was ridiculous, she thought, Toph had taught her to filter out the sounds she could pick up from the earth with her seismic sense many years ago, but nothing seemed to work and slow down the noise of the little heart.

- Have you told Tenzin yet? - Saikhan asked following her to the break room when Lin decided to ignore him

- Did I tell him what? - she asked harshly without turning to him, thanks to the Spirits the room was empty

- Please, I think I can recognize morning sickness when I see one. I have a child at home and another one on the way, you know?

-And that never afected your career. - she replied bitterly - The privileges of having a penis...

- What do you mean? - he spun her on her heel so she looked at him

- We both know that this is where my career stops if I have a child. - Saikhan didn't answer

- You need to talk to Tenzin. - he said after a few moments absorbing what that meant to his friend

- I will not. At least not now - he studied her confused - You know what having a child means to him. I won't tell him until I'm sure what I'm going to do. - she turned to the cabinet to get a mug

- What are you going to do?

- I do not know. - she confessed, she hated not knowing - This is not exactly something I planned. - she picked up the coffee pot and filled her cup with it - Or wanted. -she completed almost in a whisper as she poured a more than generous amount of sugar into the black liquid

- You need to talk to Tenzin. - he said resting his hand on Lin's shoulder and walked away leaving the break room

The first few hours of her shift dragged by and she thanked whoever was listening in for having a busy afternoon. Lin tried not to concentrate on the little heart beating so as not to hear it and when her lunch break arrived she was almost resigned to it’s presence. Almost.

Tenzin was waiting for her sitting on one of the reception stools. He frowned as she approached, noticing that something was making her anxious. The airbender boldly embraced her, but Lin pulled away and asked stiffly:

- Let's go?

During lunch Lin remained quieter than usual, she looked uncomfortable in her chair and barely touched her food. When they made their usual way past Avatar Park to get to the Headquarters they stopped at the lake to feed the turtleducks, as they always did. Everything was going as usual but Lin's silence were getting the better of Tenzin, so he asked:

- Lin, did something happen at the police station today? You're distant. - Tenzin almost lost his breath when Lin looked up at him and noticed her eyes full of tears

- I have to tell you something. - She confessed involving her torso with her arms - That will change everything from now on. - the airbender suddenly became anxious

- You know you can tell me anything. - he replied, doing his best not to let his nervousness show in his voice

- I'm pregnant.

Of all the things Lin could say to him, that was definitely not what he was expecting.

- Pregnant? - was the only thing he could say - H-how? - stuttered

- Well... You know when you put your pe...

- I know how! - exclaimed interrupting her and feeling the redness rise in his chest

- You asked!

Tenzin always wanted children, more than that, he needed children. The Air Nation's future depended on him, and not so indirectly on Lin to continue to exist, though neither liked to bring that issue into question. The airbender noticed that Lin was anxious once again, watching him waiting for a reaction.

- Lin, this is great!  It wasn't exactly planned, but I couldn't be happier. - Lin couldn't remember ever seeing Tenzin as happy as he was at that moment. He enveloped her in a tight hug pulling her off the ground - I love you so much.

- I love you too.

Tenzin's sheer joy infected her, which made her question whether this might not be a good thing in the end and she thought that maybe, maybe she could do this for him.

A few weeks had passed and Tenzin and Lin still hadn't shared the news with Katara and Aang. They knew that the older couple would be over the moon with the news, but that would lead to A Conversation, as the two were not yet married.

Katara's 61st birthday party had arrived and Kya had spared no effort in the celebration, although Katara had stopped her from inviting everyone in her contact list. The family house of Air Temple Island was attended by none other than Fire Lord Zuko, Fire Lady Mai, who were talking to Tenzin and Lin, who carried Ursa on her hip. Princess Izumi, who was perched with Kya on the couch while Bumi waved his arms and told one of his absurd stories. Katara and Aang were seated at a table in the corner of the room, chatting quietly with Iroh, who had a lot of opinion for a 12-year-old boy, Lin liked that. She adored Izumi's children, they were smart and intelligent, even 2 years old Ursa was very alert to everything around her and always tried to participate in the adults' conversation.

Everything was going wonderfully well even for the introverts of the Fire Nation and the resident of Republic City, until Lin felt small footsteps, which she hadn't felt in three years, coming closer. She was the first to look at the huge double front doors. Everyone held their breath as Toph's small figure appeared behind the door and beside Sokka, and after a few seconds everyone's gazes turned to Lin, who clung to Tenzin's arm.

- Don't make it weird. - Toph was the first to break the silence - I came. Big deal! Can a lady no longer even visit her elderly friend?

At this point Izumi had already walked to Lin offering to carry Ursa, Lin accepted with a minimal nod, overwhelmed by the emotions she had cautiously buried over the past three years.

- Wait. – Toph asked raising her hand and everyone stopped breathing one more time – How many are we in? Is anyone else here?

The baby. Lin's mind despaired and she clung more tightly to Tenzin's arm as he caressed her hand trying to reassure her. Toph went over the people present, paying attention to each one of them. Snoozles, Sparky, Mai, Izuzu and her two miniatures, Twinkle Toes, Suggar Queen, Suggar Princess, Wild Child, Airhead, Linny and... a small, strong heartbeat radiating from her. Lin saw Toph's right foot turn toward her. Toph confirmed what she felt right away, an extra heart, beating quickly in time with her own daughter's, silently and with a knowing look she raised one of her eyebrows and let out a huff.

- I must have miscounted. – she said quietly without looking away from her eldest daughter – Are we going to get the party started or what? - she asked and then walked over to Katara congratulating her with a half hug

The environment had regained its pleasant energy from before, but everyone had lost sight of Lin and Tenzin. Lin was in the hall bathroom with her head buried in the toilet emptying his stomach while Tenzin held her hair and stroked her back. She pulled away from the porcelain still panting and sat on the floor resting her back against the wall.

- I hate you. – she said looking deep into Tenzin’s eyes who smiled – Why do they call it morning sickness if this shit lasts all day? – Tenzin helped her up from the floor and she went to the sink to wash her face and mouth

When she raised her face to the mirror, her soul almost left her body as she was startled by the reflection of her mother standing behind them.

- Chief! - she exclaimed taking a hand to her chest

Toph was standing with her back against the doorframe, her arms crossed over her chest and her bare feet crossed over each other.

- You almost killed me with morning sickness when I got pregnant with you.   – she said as if that was a common subject – You took a while to knock her up, huh Airhead?! - Tenzin's face turned red

- Chief! – Lin scolded and Tenzin was ready to leave the bathroom to let the two Beifong talk when Toph's arm blocked the passage

- I'm pretty sure Suggar Queen already knows about the baby, she must be giving you time or some bullshit like that.

- How...? – Lin started, but Toph interrupted her with a huff.

- Lin, you don't have to be a Detective to know the answer. This little thing is very noisy. - She said pointing to her daughter's womb - And I may be blind, but I know that your tits are twice the normal size. - Tenzin's gaze settled on his girlfriend's bust, but soon after he was scolded by her with a slap on his bald head and a sharp look

- Stop looking at my breasts!  – She said through gritted teeth – It was that face of yours that got us into this mess in the first place!

- And you haven't touched a drop of alcohol since the minute I arrived, which alone is a big clue. My pregnancies were a little delicate. You should talk to Katara. Just to make sure there's no need to take any precautions. – Toph said calmly and left the bathroom as if nothing had happened leaving behind a couple exchanging glances, Tenzin was clearly worried, but Lin was furious

As her mother dared to show up after three years of silence to act as if nothing had happened, to give her advice about a pregnancy she was still getting used to. Lin was furious and Tenzin could tell, he tried to grab her hand, but she took it out of his reach quickly. That was his fault. But as she looked up into the airbender's face, she could see he was genuinely concerned about the information Toph had just revealed.

- I'm sorry for taking it out on you.  She makes me so… - Lin clenched her fists in front of her chest and snorted – I just need a second. – Tenzin nodded slowly, Lin tilted her head to the side to study his worried expression – Hey Airhead, don't look like this, everything will be fine.

- Look at you being optimistic. – he commented now in a good mood, receiving an elbow in the ribs as an answer – I'll go back to the party.You need a minute? Lin nodded and Tenzin left the bathroom turning to her and giving her one last look. She is so beautiful, he smiled

Lin grabbed the sink bowl once more. The anger she was feeling toward Toph still hadn't dissipated, but she didn't want to make a scene in front of everyone. Now her irritation was mixed with the same concern that had shown in Tenzin's eyes earlier. She turned away from the sink to study her reflection in the mirror, she lifted her tunic and watched her belly in the reflection. She ran her hand gently over it, it was as plane as it had ever been.

- Don't you dare start creating problems now, understand kid?  – she said in her Lieutenant's voice

Ursa came running as best she could to meet her as Lin returned to the living room.

- She likes you more than me. – Izumi commented dramatically while Lin accommodated Ursa on her hip, and the two responded by sticking their tongues at the princess – Very mature Linny.

Lin was doing very well at avoiding a screaming match with Toph. But when she overheard her talking to Katara about Zaofu, the city Suyin had build, she blurted out angrily:

- Have you been talking to Su? - Toph and Katara turned to her. The earthbender wore an indifferent expression, but Katara's eyes watered as she noticed Lin's wounded look. - Wants to know? Forget it. That's why we haven't spoken in three years. – Lin put her hands on her hips – I'm sorry for the party, Aunt Katara. - was the last thing she said before leaving the house

Tenzin started to follow her, but Kya's hand holding hers stopped him.

- Let her be.  - she said sweetly

Sokka found her 10 minutes later under the mango-jasmine, folding pebbles from the ground and tossing them over the hill. He had waited a few minutes before leaving to look for her, just like his niece, he knew she needed a few moments alone.

- I knew I'd find you here. – he stopped beside her, enjoying the view from the hill

For the past three years Sokka had visited Lin every chance he got.

- Don't start making excuses for her. – Lin said after a few moments of silence, still not turning to him

- I won't, I know she's wrong. We've argued about it a lot, but you know how she’s like. – Lin snorted

- She left. She showed no sign of life for three years. If it weren't for you I wouldn't know if she was dead or alivet. And now I find out that she's been talking to Su, even after everything she's done. While all I've done in my life was trying to make her proud. I understand she's your daughter, but… - she trailed off, stubborn and hot tears running down her cheek as her arms gripped her body – And now… – she was interrupted by Sokka's embrace and Lin let the sob she had been holding escape.

- You're my daughter, Lin. I love you from the moment I knew you were coming. You are my daughter.

Lin cried for a few more moments on Sokka's shoulder.

- I'm Pregnant. - she blurted out through her tears

Sokka pulled away from her a little not enough to break the embrace, but enough so that he could look at Lin.

- Am I going to be a grandfather? - he asked with shining eyes

- Yes. - Lin replied with a laugh as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

- I'm going to be grandfather! - She exclaimed taking both hands to his head and laughing and then hugged her daughter once more, his eyes shining with emotion

- I love you, Ba. - she said snuggling in his embrace

Lin and Sokka sat under the mango-jasmine and talked about things that made Lin more comfortable, about the South and RCPD. When they got back to Avatar's family home the heavy atmosphere that hung in the air before leaving was no longer present, everyone was sitting and talking quietly, and Lin didn't even feel bad for releasing a relieved sigh as she peeked through the crack in the door and notice that Toph was no longer present. Katara approached her as soon as she stepped next to Tenzin.

- I'm really sorry about the party, Aunt Katara.

- The party is fine, sweetheart. – Katara said tenderly, holding her hands – I'm worried about you. - She shook the metalbender’s hand

- I'm always fine. - Lin tried to joke, but her words came out with a heavier weight than planned. Lin reached for Tenzin's hand and intertwined their fingers –Tenzin and I have news. - Katara frowned at them and Tenzin gently squeezed her hand to reassure her - We’re going to have a baby.

Aang's face could barely hold his smile. Katara looked like she was about to pass out out of happiness. Bumi laughed and greeted Tenzin with an almost aggressive slap on the back and enveloped Lin in a bear hug that took longer than necessary in Lin's opinion and Kya screamed and walked past her mother almost knocking her over and nearly crushed Lin in a hug.

- Slow down, Kya!  – in a censure from almost everyone, but Lin didn't bother

- A Baby Linny!  – she said excited when she walked away

Mai and Zuko congratulated them with hugs.

- I'm so happy for you, dear. – Mai congratulated in her full voice after her husband placed a kiss on Lin's black hair.

When Katara was back at her senses she enveloped Lin and Tenzin in a single hug.

- I love you both. I could not be happier.

Aang then hugged Lin with the greatest gentleness in the world and whispered:

- Thank you.

Lin's stomach knotted at Aang's words. Thank you. Those two words brought her for the first time to the notion that everyone in that room expected nothing less than a little airbender from her. During Aang's embrace she caught sight of Izumi sitting on the couch. Ursa slept in her arms while Iroh played with the little metal soldiers Lin had carved and given him as a gift for his eleventh birthday. She seemed to be studying Lin with her eyes and the metalbender momentarily hated her for she could read her so well, just like Kya.

Lin started to feel dizzy when the Avatar released her. It had become too much for her. All that contact, all that attention and especially all the expectations that were now on her. She took Tenzin's hand with both hands and he looked at her worriedly.

- I need some air. – She muttered to him, who nodded and Lin's cold, callused hands slipped through his as she walked away

The breeze that passed through the island was cooler now and ruffled the black strands of Lin's hair as it hit her face. She was sitting cross-legged and eyes closed on the deck. The metalbender felt Izumi's purposeful steps approaching, but she didn't move.

- You don't meditate. - she said

- I'm not meditating. I'm just with my eyes closed. - She replied, still without leaving her position

- Are you okay?

- Excellent. – Lin snorted sarcastically and felt Izumi's eyes scolding her – That was a little too much. I needed some air.

- You know I'm not talking about that.

Lin's shoulders tensed even more and she finally opened her eyes as Izumi sat down beside her. The two of them watched the city lit up for the night and Lin let out a sigh she didn't know she was holding.

- When I got pregnant with Iroh I was 20. I didn't know if I wanted to be a mother, especially at 20 and with that man. But at the end of the day my kids are the best things in my life and the only good things Izao gave me. I suffered a lot of criticism, first for getting pregnant without being married and then for divorcing Izao and raising my children alone. What I mean is you are not alone. It might take a little longer, but I'm sure you'll be Chief. You are the most prepared and capable person in RCPD for the position.

Lin turned to Izumi with sad eyes.

-I… - she was trying to organize everything she was feeling into words – Tenzin is so happy.

- We're talking about you.

- No. Let me finish. – Lin asked, raising her hand to the princess and closed her eyes – He's so happy, Izumi. I have never seen him so happy. It's not that I don't want to be a mother, but and I'm so scared. She covered her face with her hands and took a shaky breath, unable to fight back the tears any longer. - I'm afraid I'm going to be like Toph. – she slid her hands down her face and let out an ironic laugh – I can't even call her mom!

Izumi moved closer to Lin and put her arm around her shoulder as the earthbender hugged her knees.

- It's exactly because of this fear that I know you won't be like Toph. You were on the other side of this story. You can be both, a badass oficer from Republic City and a mother. You are Lin Beifong, you can do whatever you want! - Izumi paused - And you have a family that will help and support you at all times. And this baby is going to have two drooling aunts who are going to spoil him. - Lin let out a heartfelt laugh and sobbed once more. Izumi enveloped her in a comfortable hug, leaving space for Lin to pull away if she wanted to, but she didn't, she was crying openly now.

- Thank you, Zumi.

[iamapuffhuffle]

Arrange Marriage ~Halfdan x F Reader Part 1

Authors Note: There is hardly any Halfdan fics and I fell in love with him while rewatching Vikings and I just needed to get a bit more writings about him out there =) 

Felt weird writing this, seemed too quick. Usually I write long ass stories that chapters that take weeks to write.  -Also my first fic on Tumblr woot! Very nervous about this. ~Also loosely based on actually history to fit the story...like the show. Set year after second Paris attack in that 12 year time frame.

Warnings: Swearing, age gaps, arrange marriage, sexual themes, nudity. Angst (I think) If there are any others that I missed. Please tell me and I will add them.

Part 2 | Part 3

I’ve been staring at the approaching capital of Vestfold, Tamdrup. My legs bouncing slightly from excitement to finally get off this boat or was it because I’m heading to a new place that I’ve never been. Could be both. 

Looking to the man that stood on the edge of the boat. Up at my soon to be husband, while he told his men to raise the sail.

 He stepped down from the ledge and back inside the floating device. He headed over to the back of the boat were I was and sat down next to his first wife, Aesa, bringing her into a heavy kiss. Her dirty blonde hair wipes through the crisp morning winds. 

I advert my eyes while my nose scrunched.  

Leif Otryggsson turning around to face me, his older face held a grinning expression, “I am thrilled that we made it and with more than enough time before we are to be married. Right Y/N?” 

I look into his eyes and smiled slightly. His dark green eyes burned into mine until his gaze went back to Tamdrup. I’ve immediately dropped my smile. 

Our boat and the three others that followed us, pulled next to the wooden dock. Quickly thralls and Vikings dispersed and got off the boat.

Leif hopped of the boat. He looked as if to take in the moment and the scenery.  Coming back to reality, Leif helped Aesa off the boat, then he held out his hand to pulled me up. I noticed that I was the last one to get off. I stood up looking at Leif’s outwards hand, placing my smaller one into his rough one. He pulled me onto the wooden dock.

We walked forwarded over what to be fish guts and I step on the dirt of Tamdrup for the first time. My eyes focus on the cloudless blue sky that watched over us.

Why are I here? Right, being one of my father’s many children. I am the 12th child out of 16. Eight daughters and eight sons. My father is Earl Ragnvald of Nordmøre and he had 6 wives. My mother dead 3 winters ago due a sickness. I loved my mother dearly but it helped the grieving process a lot that my father’s other wives treated me like their own daughter. 

Father made a decision to create a closer alliance with Earl Leif. He decided to allow Leif to choose which one of us to marry. He had 5 to choose from, me being the youngest. Which he choose me, mostly because I was the only virgin. My sisters had experience in pleasing men and he decided to choose me. 

Vikings usually do not care for saving until marriage, but I never felt a need to have sex with anyone. A few warriors have tried but I declined all of them. Probably because I did not feel anything for them. 

I certainly do not feel anything for Earl Leif either. His light red hair that grew down his middle of his back. He held it back with a ponytail. A small braid on along his right check. His red beard was kept short but also a bit messy. His features looked like any other Viking, but maybe I can grow to love Leif Otryggsson. 

Leif wanted us to be married where he first married his first wife. On  a hill just outside Tamdrup. He says the gods will bless our marriage like they blessed Aesa and his marriage for many years. 

I heard a deep rough voice shouting a welcome to us. I blink to see Harald Finehair, as Leif said that he are close ally to Harald, who he self deems a King. He places his hand onto Leif shoulder. Greeting us to his capital and asking why Earl Leif was present.

Leif begins, “I only came to marry,” He gestures to me, “Y/N, daughter of Earl Ragnvald.” 

 Harald smiles, his rough voice erupts, “Welcome! My kingdom is small but doesn’t mean our feasts are. Come, follow.” 

Thralls follow right behind me. And Edda, a friend since I was young and a skilled shieldmaiden. Edda wanted to come along and stay with me. Earl Leif was hesitant at first but agreed to my request to allow her to come.

Edda was a taller than the average Viking woman, wavy, dirty blonde hair, pulled back in tight braid while her right side was cleanly shaved. Her sharp green eyes could cut anyone just by her glaring at them. She was well trained.

 As for me I can hold a sword, but I do not trust my talents with a weapon, I think I could never hold my own in a battle.  Edda always helped me with training, but I never consider myself a shieldmaiden 

We walked through a market place when Leif asked a question about where Harald’s brother was. 

 “Halfdan will be returning shortly. He has been scouting Rogaland.” 

“Rogaland?”

“One step closer for me to become king of all Norway, Earl Leif.”

King of all Norway is a great ambition. When travelling here Leif told me about Harald and his dream. Leif believes Harald Finehair will never become king. Leif just plays and tricks to be on the best side. Flipping sides when needed. But Leif is on Harald’s side until we head back to King Svein’s territory. 

We stopped in front of a few cottages. Harald states that they are empty allowing us stay while we are here. I thanked Harald as thralls brought our items inside. 

The day quickly becomes night, with that the feast begins. Me and Edda walk into the loud and cheerful hall. We both stand in the doorway as we glance around the hall to taken in the sights.

I felt the warmth surrounding me from the chilly summer’s night. The songs that were happily sung by the drunk folk. That included King Harald, his rough voice could be heard through the chaos. I see Leif and Aesa sitting together eating like everyone else. 

Edda pushes me towards the table. “Go. Sit down next to your soon to be husband.” 

I look back at her. Biting the inside of my check nervously.  

Edda rolled her eyes, “I know you weren’t until some else made you y/n.” 

I watched as Edda turns to a close by group of warriors and begun to speak to a few men.  

Taking a deep breathe and heading over to the center of the room. Sitting down on the bench on Leif’s right side, while Aesa was on his left. Being the closest to Harald’s throne. 

He sat drinking his mead while still trying to sing. Harald’s singing died out and he soon he raised his cup high, “To our guest! Even though I do not have my queen yet. The gods have blessed you with another wife, Earl Leif. Skol!”

Everyone lightly lifted their cups towards Harald and shouted ‘Skol’ with him and with that the chaos began again. 

I took a slightly sip letting the mead slide down. Leif leaned in towards me. He been drinking many cups tonight, it sent shivers down my spine and my stomach felt uneasy. He continued to mutter into my shoulder. Luckily he was speaking softly and how loud the room was, it turned to words in the wind that didn’t reach my ear. Leif went back to playing with Aesa’s blonde messy ponytail.  

Feeling less confined, I sigh heavily, II felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped slightly out of my seat. Turning to see Edda, I relaxed. Edda leans down and whispers, “Eat Y/N, you’ll feel better. You look ill, your face is becoming pale.” 

I nod to her as I picked up a few slices of bread, stuffing my face, “Happy.” 

“Yes.” Edda chuckles as she patted my shoulder before leaving me alone again. I swallow what’s in my mouth. I picked at the bread and just took smaller bites. 

A short time has passed by and while I watched the others in their own amusements. A group of Vikings come from outside, bringing a cold draft in with them. There was about 15 Vikings and Shield Maidens looking around before dispersing in all directions. 

The Viking that lead the pack into the mead hall stayed in in the middle. Harald removed himself from a group and lifts his arms up happily. Harald shouts, “Brother, back so soon!” Harald places his arm around the Viking that once stood in front of the pack. The room shouted a greeting. 

My eyes followed the new Viking male. His short, dirty, blonde hair contrasted his brother’s long brown hair. I also notice that he also has many facial tattoos. That must be Halfdan the Black and both of them are heading this way. 

I’m trying not to stare but I felt like I had to take in his appearance closer than others I’ve met. It’s a different feeling that I’ve felt before. I watched them approaching the end of the table.

Once Leif left his attention off Aesa, he saw Halfdan. He jumped up off the bench, “Halfdan good to see you after all these years.” They grip their lower arms. 

“Yeah, too many years Earl Leif.” Halfdan spoke. His eyes went around the three of us. When our eyes meet, I felt my face getting warm. 

Leif gestured with his hand, “This is my first wife Aesa, It been years, you probably do not remember her, Halfdan.”

“Aesa, it’s good to see you again. You throw an axe at me.”

“It’s so good to see you too Halfdan. Too bad that I missed.” Aesa smirked. 

Leif interrupted his wife, “And this the daughter of Earl Ragnvald and my soon to be second wife, Y/N.”

I am kind of taken back. When our eyes meet, my body felt different. Different when Leif’s and mine eyes meet. This feels true strange.

Harald breaks our eye contact, “When are you both to be married. Should marry her soon Leif.”

“The gods will favor our marriage if we have it during the same moon me and Aesa were married.” Leif says, “In 2 full moons. Just before the summer end.”

My stomach turns again. It feels too soon. I allowed my head to drop before  taking my cup and gulping it down. Knowing it’s mead, it could be a long night of displeasurement. I was now the only one left at the table with Leif went to competed with the other Vikings. While Aesa left the table and is happily speaking to other woman, while I ate bread and drinking too much.

I noticed that Harald and Halfdan do not have wives. Strange they seem to be very popular with woman. I feel like there is history with Halfdan and Aesa, didn’t seem to end well.

After some time has passed, and I drank my weight in mead. I could feel it taking over my actions because I can not stay still. Feeling a bit wobbly as I try to find Edda through the crowds of people. I don’t usually drink this much. 

Finally finding Edda sitting with a few men. One of them is whispering something into her ear. “Sorry to interrupt.” 

Edda whispered something else to his, before standing and headed next to me. “You are fine. I watched you attempting to walk to me.  Let’s get your drunk ass to bed.” 

“I have to tell Leif before heading out.” Edda grabs my forearm bringing through the crowd and to Leif. 

I looked at Leif’s watching us as we approach him. “Earl Leif, I’m going to go head to bed.” 

“I’ll head back with you.”

“No, please continue to enjoy the feast.” 

Leif nods to me and I headed out of the hall. I bring my furs a bit closer to my skin hoping to stop the chill. 

After a short walk, we entered the lodge. We were greeted by the thralls. 

I want to take a bath to try to ease this feeling of displeasure. I asked the thralls to put a bath together. 

“The feast was interesting, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. You seem to have your fun.” I grinned at her. “I was my fault you were taken away from that handsome Viking.”

Edda sat on a chair, she leaned and smirked. “We are going to be here for a while, I have time.”

I sat on the opposite seat of my friend. I started to pick at the wooden table. “What is wrong y/n.”

 “I do not want to be married.”

Edda heavily breathed outwards in agreement. “I understand how you feel. You’ve been my friend for years. You’ve want to save yourself for the one. Which I think is fucking stupid. But that’s me. I fucked many Vikings because it’s what I desire. Y/n, what do you desire?”

I took a moment to think of an answer. What do I even desire. Yes I would love to lie with a man once and a while, but not knowing anything about them is... not what I want. “It changes Edda, I want to love. I am going to be a second wife. Just a new addition. I seen my father wives. My mother never got any attention, yes she loved him, but he loved the others more. That is what I my fear is. The person who says they love me then just go fucks someone else.” I breathe sharply inwards. I rub the side of my heads. 

“Maybe the gods will see you in this struggle and rewards you for your pain. They will...I know it. And look your bath is ready so go in and relax. I’m going to check the surrounding.”

I nod to her. I stood in front of the wooden tub. I thank the thrall and ask her to leave. She quickly leaves as I completely undress. Setting in and sit down in the hot water. It feels great as I roll my my shoulders. I sink more back in the water. After about few moments. Earl Leif comes in. He grins. 

“I am taking a bath Earl Leif, sorry that I can’t rise to great you.”

“Nonsense. Rise, we are to be married. You should not be shy about you own naked body. I will be seeing it a lot of after we are married.” 

I don’t like the sound of that. Make it seem that my body is a just a prize to be won. Sighing quietly to myself. I dig my nails into the side of the tub before I push myself to stand, greeting Leif. 

Leif walks more into the room and in front of tub. He stops me from sitting back into the tub. He gripes my forearms keeping me upwards. He brushes my hair away from off my skin, “Gods. You are beautiful.” His right hand traces along my collarbone and down my arm. 

My breathe hitches. I frown but he does not notice because his only focus is looking at my wet naked body. My body shivers from the cold air.

Leif smiles and his hand continues by going right under my breasts. I shiver and bite my lip not wanting to make any sounds to make him continue this show. Leif lets go of me and turns away. Allowing me to reemerge under the warm water.  

“I want to fuck you right now” Leif takes a deep inhale of my soaked hair. “But that will have to wait. I’ll leave you in Edda’s care as I go back to Aesa and the feast.”

I weakly nod and stare as Leif walks out of the room. 

After Leif leaves, I sat down once again. I am so happy that Leif is waiting until our wedding night as he thinks it will give him more luck. While Vikings usually embrace sex. If the gods favor me more...maybe, Leif will fall sick and die.��

Leaning my head back until my whole head went under. I just need to think. To empty my thoughts. But not a moment after, I am pulled back to the air above. 

I rub the water away from my eyes to see Edda. She let go on my hair. Her frown deepened, “Was worried that you was trying to drown yourself.”

I shook my head, “I wanted to see if the gods had a message to tell me. Are they putting me through a test. I wanted to see a sign. To see if this is my true fate.” 

[fkingsteverogers]

Tell Me We’ll Be Just Fine

A/N: A couple points: 1) I made a new blog for these writings to make them easier to find 2) I have a tag list! lmk if you want to be added to it 3) For my non US babes and others, your third amendment rights say you can’t be forced to house soldiers. Long Story Short 

Contains TFATWS Episode 5 spoilers

                                                        ****

With John Walker being Honorably Discharged after an International Incident, you’re stuck under house arrest.  (The United States Government would tell you house arrest is too strong of a word, it’s simply Strongly Advised you stay in your apartment.) You want to scream from the rooftops that you had nothing to do with him, that it was all an act, but you’re being Strongly Advised, so that’s not an option. You hope, wherever he is, Bucky is having a better time than you are. 

Five Days; Eastern Europe:

Bucky is not having a good time. They’re in a country where everyone wants them dead, holed up in a shitty motel and all he can think of is the absolutely devastated look on your face when he walked out the door. It makes him brood. 

“You have to talk about her sometime.” 

“Who?” 

“Whoever makes you frown like that.” 

“‘M not frowning. What do you know about it anyway? You’re single.” So maybe he was being an ass about it. You were so far away, probably cuddled up with John or Steve, and he was here, sitting in a motel room with Sam. John Walker was probably feeling you up right now, running his hand over those beautiful thighs of yours as you kissed him, making soft little noises--he clenches his fist so hard he breaks the bowl he’d been holding, splattering rice and beans all over the floor cracked tile floor. 

“Yo, man, what the fuck?!” 

Day One; New York City: 

Steve’s allowed to visit, because of course he is. He flashes some badge and the guards (who are Strongly Advising you), stand down. “Why are you here, Stevie?” And you hate that you still call him Stevie. Stevie is what you called him on the quiet nights when you two were alone and he was still yours. Steve gives you his sad smile and you want to fall into his arms, to sob into his chest and tell him how you fucked it all up. You don’t. 

“Just go, Stevie.” 

Four Days; Eastern Europe: 

Sam goes to do some surveillance, announcing that he “couldn’t deal with this shit,” leaving Bucky alone in the shitty room they were sharing. Before he’d been deployed, he would’ve spent an afternoon alone in a hotel curled up with a pretty girl or a handsome boy. During the war, he’d spend a quiet day catching up on some sleep or rereading a well loved copy of The Hobbit. During his Hydra days (which he hated thinking about but also couldn’t stop thinking about), there really weren’t days off. There were days where he killed and days where he didn’t. Since then, he’d spent most of his days off trying to remember how to be a human. 

You had made those days feel like living again. And now you were John’s girl, dressed all pretty up for him and everything. Bucky’d been fucking stupid to think you’d want someone like him, someone damaged, someone with blood on his hands. You were good and soft and pretty. You spoke four languages and had probably read every book ever written. 

You’d been good enough for Steve. 

He breaks another bowl and has to lay down after.

Day Three; New York City: 

You glare down the solider that’s sitting in your kitchen, eating a sandwich. “This is violating my Third Amendment Rights, you know.” 

The smug bastard grins and keeps eating his sandwich. 

Two Days; Louisiana: 

“That shield’s the closest thing I’ve got left to a family, so when you retired it, I felt like I had nothing left.” 

The mission had gone down as well as any of their missions go, they’d been shot at, gotten out by the skin of their teeth. Sam left to go back home as soon as he could, Bucky followed. Where else did he have to go?

“You have her.” 

He didn’t, not really. 

“I don’t want to talk about her, Sam.” Bucky tosses the shield, scowling deeply. 

Sam sighs, catching the shield. He turned to face his friend, were they friends?, and looked him up and down. “Yeah, you do.” So maybe Bucky does want to talk about you, about how betrayed he feels by you choosing Walker over him. The government hadn’t been powerful enough to stop some gossip magazine from publishing a spread of you and Walker, you in a little red sundress that makes you look incredible and his hand on your thigh. There’s some bullshit story about how you met and had been so enamored with him you’d asked him for coffee on the spot.

 It makes Bucky physically sick with rage. 

Day Four; New York City: 

After four days of being Strongly Advised, you’re ready to start pulling out your hair. The news is nonstop coverage of what happened to John Walker, the green beret who had gone crazy and killed a man in a moment of grief induced rage. And to top it all off, People released a spread that makes you want to scream. The whole shoot hadn’t been your idea, some government publicist had insisted it was necessary to sell the story. In reality, it’d been five hours with John’s hands all over you, grinning like the cat that got the cream. During a break, he’d asked you about Steve, his tone suggesting something that was none of his business. 

“You don’t get to talk about Steve.” John had smirked at you, running his tongue over his teeth. It clearly annoyed him, someone thinking he wasn’t good enough for something. “What about your wife, John?” A look of surprise crosses his face but it’s gone in a moment, the mask he wears to keep people out back in place. 

“Olivia isn’t part of the deal. I thought we could be friends,” he spits the word out like it’s dirty, “but clearly you’re not interested in that, clearly you’re interested in--” 

“Be careful how you finish that sentence, John.” Your voice is low, betraying the landmine he’s almost stepped on. Given the chance, you’d stab John Walker in his pretty face. Decades in prison means nothing when the love of your life abandoned you and the man you thought you could count on ran out. (So maybe you were thinking about Bucky, it doesn’t actually matter.)

Bucky had been a solid presence in a sea of uncertainty. He’d made you feel safe and okay. After Steve’s departure and the death of Tony, the only member of your family left, solid and safety had been in short supply. He’d showed up, ate his cold beans in silence in the kitchen, and hadn’t left. He’d made you laugh in a way you hadn’t in months. You’d developed a routine, Bucky would wake up before you and boil water for tea, you’d stumble out and cook something to serve as breakfast, and you’d both go about your days. In the evenings, you’d come together, talk about the stupid shit that had happened during the day, watch a movie on Friday nights, and go to bed. It was nice to have a routine, something and someone you could depend on. 

The nights had been quiet since he left. 

Twelve Hours; New York City: 

Bucky’s plane lands and he breathes a sigh of relief. 

It’s raining when he steps out of the airport, a down pour by anyone’s standards. Fine by him, less people to avoid. He manages to make it to the little coffee shop outside your apartment without getting too soaked. Going up there wasn’t an option, not when you were probably angry with him for running out. So he sits, drinks endless cups of coffee and watches. 

“She takes it two creams, no sugar, if you want to bring it up to her.” Bucky turns and finds himself face to face with Steve. His friend looks old, but happy, at peace even. There’s so much he wants to say, he wants to ask Steve why he left, what he thought about Walker. He wants to punch him or throttle him or hug him. Bucky wants a long fucking hug. 

“I don’t think she wants to see me, punk.” Steve sits, shaking his head. 

“I didn’t think she wanted to see me, either. Sometimes she doesn’t know what’s good for her..” 

Before Bucky can reply, before he can really process what Steve is saying, he gets a text from Sam and he’s off to save the world again.

Day Five; New York City: 

Because the universe hates you, you can’t even use your phone to entertain yourself. Someone leaked your personal number and it hadn’t stopped ringing since. And, since the internet has no nuance, they’re mostly death threats. You’re reading a book when the guards who are Strongly Advising you abandon their posts. There’s something going on, something that no one bothers to inform you about. 

You go back to reading your book. Hopefully Bucky’s not being thrown through a wall. 

Thirty Minutes; New York City: 

Bucky gets thrown through a wall. 

It fucking hurts and he’s dizzy after. Like can’t-walk-straight-am-I-actually-drunk-dizzy. Sam, the useless bastard, loads him into a taxi, tells him he’ll be fine, and gives the driver your address. Bucky’s dimly aware of this fact, aware of the fact that this poor man is driving him, a bleeding super solider, to the one place he wanted to be but wasn’t welcome. 

Two Minutes; New York City: 

The guards aren’t back by the time the downstairs buzzer starts ringing incessantly. You’re in the middle of your book, right at the moment where the head-strong damsel and the Lord she hated are about to kiss. You try to ignore it, With a groan, you stomp down to the doors. 

Standing there, half supported by Vasily, the Russian cabbie (who is definitely into some shady business), is Bucky. 

Now; New York City: 

You thank Vasily, telling him you’ll pay for the cab when you see him on Friday for Shabbat, and take the bleeding Bucky into your arms. Bucky mumbles something, clearly speaking Russian but too lowly for you to actually understand. Vasily glares at him, muttering curses as he stalks away. 

Dragging Bucky up to your sixth floor apartment means sharing a run in with Daisy Mae, your elderly neighbor who’s 90% blind and enjoys loitering in the elevator. She seems to take offense to Bucky mumbling Russian children’s songs to himself. 

“Speak English dear, not Communism. We’re in the United States.” 

“Mind the business that pays you, Daisy Mae.”

She hmphs, but doesn’t say anything else. Bucky, for his part, gives a rousing performance of the Russian alphabet. Finally, you get Bucky into your apartment and unceremoniously drop him on your couch. 

It’s not long before he falls asleep, leaving you to stare at him for hours, wondering just what he’s going to say when he wakes up. 

When he does wake up, it’s to the scent of your soap, sweet watermelon that always leaves an aching in the pit of his stomach. Waking up on your couch, smelling your soap, and listening to you cook feels like a dream. How many times had he thought about this exact moment while he was with Sam? Soon enough you’d turn the corner from the kitchenette and smile at him, that beautiful smile that never failed to make him feel a little dizzy. 

And then he’d wake up in a shitty hotel room, listening to Sam take a shit through the paper thin walls. 

He waits, but when you appear, you’re frowning anxiously. And God, you’re so fucking beautiful. You’re wearing a pair of tiny sleep shorts that expose your long legs to his greedy eyes. Your hair is pushed back off your face, exposing the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. 

Steve was a lucky man, to be able to love you.  Maybe one day he’ll find a woman like you to love, if he’s lucky. Has he ever been lucky?

Bucky looks confused when you appear holding tea. “Hi.” He doesn’t say anything back, just frowns back. Your mind races, realizing he probably doesn’t want to see you, that he was dropped off here by some well meaning friend, and he was going to get up and walk out the door again. 

“At least let me clean you up before you go.” Bucky nods wordlessly, looking like he’s still a little stunned. He takes a seat at the kitchen table as you pull down the first aid kit you’d put together when Steve was still here. There’s a cut above his eyebrow that’s still oozing a little blood. It’s in such a place you have to situate yourself between his legs in order to get to it. 

It’s quiet while you work, Bucky’s never been a man of many words and now he’s probably trying to figure out how to tell you you’re never going to see him again. As soon as he’s cleaned up well enough that you’re satisfied he won’t die sitting at your kitchen table, you step away to admire your handy work. Bucky’s left hand, his metal hand, catches your wrist and pulls you back to him. It holds you there while his right hand comes up to cup your face, running a thumb over your cheekbone. 

“You’re so beautiful.” 

He’s not sure what possesses him when he pulls you back into him. All he knows is if he doesn’t get you close, if he doesn’t tell you how fucking beautiful you are, he won’t be able to breathe. You make a little noise of exasperation, your gorgeous lips parting. “I mean it.” “Bucky…” You try to pull away but he holds you there, studying every inch of your face and committing it to memory. There’s an electricity between the two of you, it feels like the air is charged enough to light that stupid snail lamp you’d bought from Arrow or whatever that store you loved was called. “Bucky…” You repeat, your voice softer, in a tone he can’t quite describe

Before either of you can move or say anything else, the door swings open to reveal Sam and Torres, flanked by three soldiers. None of them take notice of what feels like a very compromising position. 

“Oh good, you’re here, Sargent Barnes. You're all being moved to a safe house. Pack enough for an indeterminate amount of time.” 

[chat-noir-always-here]

“Hey Arnold!” and “Miraculous!” parallels

Ever have an idea for a post that you take forever to get around to because 2020 is 

actively 

trying

to kill you?!

 Welp, that’s me. I mean, uh, this is that post.

Long post is long and I don’t like cuts cuz I’ve lost a few posts in the past using them. Please filter the tag “long post” I use it for walls of text like these.

So there’s this show from my childhood called Hey Arnold! 

Having been on air before I had cable (I and my unsupervised brothers and sisters spent our childhood watching Jerry Springer and Maury because there was literally nothing else on our cheap little TV. How hilarious is that?) I didn’t really have much of an experience with Hey Arnold! aside from brief little glances at it when i visited a friends home or the rare occasion where they showed cartoons at school. By the time I got satellite, the show was no longer on the air save for some late night reruns and the Christmas special which aired in December along with other Nickelodeon Christmas episodes (THE best Christmas episode EVER btw).

Really I couldn’t remember much about it until hearing about the Jungle Movie finally getting a release date (a total flop but at least its no cliff hanger) and decided to re-watch the entire series in preparation for said movie.

By which point I had discovered another show—Miraculous. 

At first glance the two shows have absolutely nothing in common. Miraculous being a French-born mahou shoujo-esque CGI superhero TV series about a couple of middle schoolers who regularly battle a walking peppermint-frappucino-looking psychopath. Hey Arnold! being a more realistic children’s sitcom about a young football-headed boy who deals out humanitarian aid in the form of advice and simple good deeds to his neighbors, classmates and friends. 

In terms of setting, logic, and animation the two series are as different as night and day.

So imagine my pleasant surprise to discover a whole post’s worth of parallels shared between the two shows???

And here they are in no particular order:

1)Arnold’s Parents/Adrien’s mom

Prior to the start of Miraculous, Emilie Agreste disappeared under mysterious circumstances leaving her family behind. Later on it was revealed that she was in fact sleeping (dead?) in a glass coffin beneath the Agreste mansion--unbeknownst to Adrien, or anyone else in Paris save for Gabriel and Nathalie.

In a similar fashion, Arnold’s parents, Miles and Stella, also disappeared prior to the start of Hey Arnold! and like Emilie were always referred to as “missing” rather than “dead.” 

The Jungle Movie later revealed Miles and Stella weren’t dead, but like Emilie appears to be doing in her coffin, they were sleeping. Having caught a bout of sleeping sickness (apparently they do not need to be hooked up to IVs or other medical devices while in a comatose state cuz fuck logic) they simply needed their orphaned son to come and cure them with the help of the magical golden heart Helga provided him with.

Perhaps Mari holds the key to waking Emilie? That would be nice to see. 

Not the miraculous of course--but some other key.

Although personally I’m hoping for a hardcore, devastating ending like Emilie dying, Gabriel going to prison where he belongs, and Adrien leaving the country for a bit until the second Hawk Moth shows up because I just like devastating cliffhangers and angst and being in utter turmoil over fictional people. But that’s just me.

2) Their best friends are dating

Smol parallel here: Arnold’s best friend Gerald and Helga’s Best friend Phoebe wind up together in The Jungle Movie after being imprisoned together by Lasombra. Similar to how Nino and Alya ended up together after being imprisoned by Ladybug (for their protection, of course).

3) The Bag of Money Episode/ The Ladybug episode

OOh boy both of these episodes make me rage. 

Some context about the Bag of Money episode: Arnold and his friends Gerald and Sid find a random bag of money containing almost $4000. Sid is ecstatic and wants to split the money evenly between the three boys, but Arnold worries it could just be lost and convinces them to let him, Arnold, take the money to the police station. On the way he accidentally switches the bag with another one that is identical and contains a bunch of useless junk, and when he tries to explain what happened to his friends they don’t believe him because their bag of money was accidentally taken by an “old lady with pink hair and a peg leg.”

 Arnold’s a good boy and he’s telling the truth--but the truth sounds crazy, even to my ears. Sid accuses Arnold of stealing the money and spreads lies to their classmates, whom Arnold has spent the ENTIRE SERIES helping in some form or fashion. Despite everything he’s done for them though, the vast majority of the class come to believe Arnold is a thief. Even Gerald, Arnold’s closest friend, nearly believes Sid over Arnold but eventually comes to Arnold’s defense. The other kids (save for Helga who doesn’t really make an appearance this episode) gang up on Arnold, but thankfully the old lady with pink hair and a peg leg shows up with an officer and together they explain the bag of money is now at the lost and found where it will remain and if gone unclaimed will be returned to Arnold, Gerald and Sid. 

Pretty much everything is resolved and things return to normal between the kids. 

But I hate this episode. I hate this episode so, so much. Arnold has spent the entire series helping these people out in some form or fashion. Literally thats the entire show. And after everything he’s done for them they’re so. Quick. To. Turn. On. Him. 

Sound familiar???

4) Hidden Personality                   vs.          Surface Personality

 I do not refer to the cruddy “true selves” thing half the Miraculous fandom believes in. Depending on one’s individual circumstances, environment and how comfortable they are, said person’s behavior can fluctuate or even do a complete 180. This can be kinda frustrating when dealing on one’s own--”Who am I anyway? Is that me or is this me???”

It’s all you, fam.

Arnold and Helga are themselves too, no matter what metaphorical/actual mask they put on. There’s the side that everyone sees and then there’s the side almost no one sees. The hidden personality isn’t hidden due to a lack of trust, necessarily, but rather it is the result of retreating to their respective “shells”--ones which both Arnold and Helga were kinda punched, kicked, and shoved into. 

Helga’s surface personality: Class bully, puts up a tough front, constantly torments Arnold because she can’t stand him and his niceness

Helga’s hidden personality: Poetic, abused and isolated, is in love with Arnold to the point of being obsessed with him and bullies him via surface personality in order to hide that fact

Of course Adrien is no bully--his reasons for not being the “cunning, funny, ultra-charming Chat Noir” 24/7 DOES have a lot to do with his toxic household, his dad, and the overwhelming expectations which are constantly smothering him as Adrien. 

Adrien is a bug under a magnifying glass (or so he feels)

Chat Noir is a chance for a freedom.

 Adrien’s surface personality was molded by his dad.

 Helga’s is the result of her entire family. Her father is brash and loud, her mother is a confirmed alcoholic, her sister is a gifted prodigy, well-rounded and spends most of the series at university or elsewhere. Although her sister, Olga, has been shown to genuinely care for Helga, Olga is kinda the reason their parents neglect Helga. With their first daughter being the genius and prodigy she is, Helga’s parents poured all of their pride and affection and parental devotion onto her. Meanwhile Helga had to walk to pre-school alone. At four years old. In the rain. Not for the last time. 

Which leads me to the next parallel.

5) Umbrella in the Rain

squeals in delight over this parallel<3<3<3

If you’ve never seen Hey Arnold! do yourselves a favor and watch this short little clip over how Helga and Arnold first met. If you have seen it, watch it anyway because it is the most adorable clip in the entire show.

Dr. Bliss: “So nobody’s ever noticed you?”

Helga: “...There was someone.”

The soft way Helga confesses that--you can actually hear how grateful she is to have such a tender memory from such a painful time. 

 In a similar manner, Adrien offered his umbrella to Marinette. Of course Adrien did it because Mari had to walk home in the rain and Arnold did it as a simple gesture of kindness (seeing as they were already at the school)--one of the many kind acts he displays throughout the series. 

 But just like Adrien needed unconditional love coming from somewhere, so did Helga. They were both denied this one common necessity which everyone else around them had. It’s not a lot to ask for, and they should’ve already had it coming from their families--but they didn’t.

 And then, one rainy day, there it was--the unconditional love they needed.

6) Clinginess

What happens when you take someone, specifically a love-starved abused child from an unstable home environment--deprived of the one thing most crucial to their mental well-being--and miraculously provide them with that very necessity? 

Clinginess. 

I can’t really think of the correct word to describe this. “Clinginess” is pretty close to what I’m trying to describe, if not on point, so let’s go with that. 

 What I mean is Helga and Adrien both need Arnold and Ladybug respectively. That’s not a bad thing--it’s okay to need somebody else. What’s bad is hinging your entire being on this one connection. For if either kiddo were to be left behind they wouldn’t handle it very well.

 It can’t really be helped with either Helga or Adrien. They didn’t really have the option to learn certain things and went deprived of unconditional love for such a long time. They’re kids--nine and fourteen/fifteen respectively. They’re not perfect and they’re traumatized for life. Being denied love from your family--the very people designed to love you--would do that to a person. Naturally they would cling to the first people to show up and provide them with the love they needed. 

 The Hey Arnold! wiki says this about Helga and Arnold’s relationship

Due to her unstable family upbringing where both her mother and father constantly neglect [Helga] and shower all of their attention onto Olga, leaving her deprived of the love and attention she needed growing up. On her way to preschool, Arnold helped her by keeping the rain off her with an umbrella and even complimented her on her hairbow. He even later gave her crackers during their snack time. Arnold's kindness and being the first person to notice her quickly caused Helga to transfer all of her love and attention to Arnold.

Of course Adrien’s tunnel vision isn’t quite as bad as Helga’s.

 He treats his friends better.

 He does love his father--

Even though his father is THE. 

WORST.

 PARENT.

 EVER!!!

--because he’s Adrien and he’s just too precious a cinnamon roll and that’s still his dad even if the man does belong behind bars.

7) Unhealthy Obsession

I--

I...

Ugh. I am not going to delve too far into this. You’re just going to have to take my word for it. Helga’s creepy stalker behavior is a thousand times worse than Marinette’s. That pic up there of Helga hiding out in Arnold’s room watching him is pretty decent evidence to back up my argument, but it’s hardly the only example or even the worst incident.

 Honestly I’m amazed at what Nicktoons were able to get away with in the late nineties/early 2000s. 

But yes, Helga’s obsession with Arnold is rather unhealthy in the most extreme moments leading her to display behavior which is more often than not disturbing and concerning. 

The Hey Arnold! wiki has this to say about Helga’s obsession with Arnold

Helga is possessive of her love for Arnold and thinks non-stop about him to the point of obsession. This is evidenced throughout the series by the many shrines and poems she makes of Arnold and of her frequent dramatic soliloquies about her love for Arnold.

Again--Mari isn’t as bad as all that. She’s a sweet girl with many healthy relationships in her life. She has ambition, creativity, and drive. But yeah she can be rather possessive of Adrien too, and that needs to stop. Like right now. Adrien doesn’t need another girl being possessive of him and thinking he’s perfect--he needs someone who acknowledges him as a flawed person and loves him despite that. 

As for Helga and Arnold--show creator Craig Bartlett confirmed they are “made for each other” and wind up married with three kids, so I’m guessing Helga grew out of some of these bad habits? Or at least I hope so...

8) Helper/Humanitarian tendencies

As mentioned before, the plot of Hey Arnold! is more or less about Arnold helping people. As stated by Gerald in The Jungle Movie, “He’s a humanitarian! Like his parents!” Of course not every episode is about Arnold helping people. There are episodes devoted to supporting characters and they’re just as enjoyable and satisfying. 

 But as he is the titular character he spends a lot of time in the spotlight. 

Remember that “best christmas special EVER” episode I mentioned before?

 The reason it’s the best special, in my less than humble opinion, is due to a few things.

 The special is not about Santa Claws. In fact, I don’t think he’s even mentioned, let alone shown and treated like an actual living character.

The focus on the entire episode is again on Arnold helping someone, but he doesn’t succeed. Not really.

The one who succeeded in helping someone was Helga, who accomplished the goal Arnold had set out to do. 

The episode deals with some rather dark subject matter and is actually quite heartwarming as the “perfect present” Arnold was trying to provide someone with wasn’t something you can buy in the store

It’s also one of the episodes where Helga’s love for Arnold leaves her to do good and as her love for him is a secret, she expects nothing in return. She’s just happy to help him.

 Kinda similar to Mari who is, as Adrien puts it in Mayura, “Our every day Ladybug.” Her kindness and devotion to helping others is what drives her as Ladybug and Marinette. It’s what brought Ivan and Mylene together. Is the reason Nathaniel and Mark now have a comic book together. And at the end of the day, that’s the reason for her strange behavior around Adrien--she wants to help him. Even if it’s just as a “good friend.” 

9) There are two main characters

Although Hey Arnold! is technically a show about Arnold, one could argue it is just as much Helga’s story. 

Similarly, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is named thusly in order to convey the fact that Adrien is just as much a main character as Marinette is. 

Although I must say Hey Arnold! did a much better job of giving it’s co-character their dues. GIVE. ME. MORE. CHAT NOIR. FOCUSED. EPISODES. DAMMIT.

But, yes, in terms of screen time, Helga gets about as much as Arnold does. Her story and struggles were given just as much importance as Arnold’s and many people have even come to believe that the show is really about Helga. I’d say its about both of them.

10) Constantly bumping into each other

Granted this happens between Arnold and Helga more often than it does to the love square dorks. 

 But yes the two people meant to be together keep knocking into each other in their respective universes. 

 I forget who, but I remember reading that someone a while back theorized that this was the universe’s way of trying to push Arnold and Helga together. Kinda like the “Now kiss!” meme

Perhaps it’s the same for Adrien and Marinette? 

;)

[mimik-u]

“Homeworld Bound” Thoughts:

I wasn’t going to watch this one today, but then I realized that I really missed the Diamonds and wanted to consume novel content, so!

OOH, good on the show for taking us directly to the aftermath of “Fragments” instead of putting space between the episodes. That’s just... a really good choice narrative wise.

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl’s expressions are so distressing here. He’s been gone for three days; they must’ve been so worried.

Jasper steps aside to reveal an absolutely ruined Steven.

He just technically killed a gem and then resurrected her. How intensely will that forever lie on his psyche? Oh my g od

NO, NOT JASPER PASSIVELY MAKING THE DIAMOND SIGN IN THE BACKGROUND AUGH

“You can’t just disappear for days without telling us!”

Steven silent walking up to the Observatory as the Gems continue to freak the fuck out is harrowing. And Dee Dee Magno Hall is killing it with her voice acting here. The simultaneous fear and anger and horror in her voice. Oh my g d

“You guys... I love you, but you can’t help me anymore. I’ve been avoiding the only people in the entire universe who can.” 🥺 This is sad, but I’m also, like, problematic grandmas time!!!!!

“Find something better to do with your life.” God, Jasper’s look of disbelief and sadness here. I didn’t really delve into this during my “Fragments” watch because I was just roridoodwrjfkrkeke reeling, but her reaction to being accidentally shattered is psychologically devastating???? I’d wager that she simultaneously respects the fact that she’s been subjugated by a being more powerful than her, that she’s grateful to Steven for being both subjugator and savior, and likely, she’s conflating this new loyalty with her former loyalty for Pink. This is a really complex psyche (a tragic one most of all).

Garnet: “Steven, remember, we’ll always be your family.” I’m so fucki n emo

AWHWHWH, HOMEWORLD IS SO BRIGHT AND COLORFUL NOW!!!

YO!! Homeworld has a democracy now!! The Zircons!!!!!!!

THE WALL GEM IS MOVING??????? KWOEOEIDJDKSJS

Can u imagine being a wall cursed with sentience. that is so funny on so many levels

But it’s also really interesting, too. If the Wall Gem is a gem in the way say Topazes are gems, which, judging by her mobility, she is—then her explicit purpose in Era 1-2, as molded by presumably Yellow, was to b a wall omg. (Or, arguably, I think it can be argued that the inanimate object Gems, like Comby, were probably accidental sentient creations, made in relationship to their proximity to the Diamonds during their various secretion rituals!!)

Anyway, I love thinking about Homeworld worldbuilding. It’s fascinating.

SQUARE PERIDOT

SPIIIIIINELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Her heart eyes!! She looks so happy!

Steven, angry af: “Spinel, what is wrong with you?” / Spinel: Oh, you know—the usual.” KEKDSKDK

Also, Steven really wanted to say fuck there. NEKDDKKSSKKS

“I was such a wreck then, but I am so much better now.” We stan character growth 😭😭

One thing I have loved the Crewniverse so much for doing is never taking away the physical signs of gems’ mental distress, even after they’ve gotten better: Blue’s eye bags, Volleyball’s eye, Spinel’s running mascara. That is so important.

YELLOW SITTING AT HER LIL VANITY!!

IT’S LIGHT INSIDE HER ROOM! THERE R FLOWERS! THRIVE, QUEEN, THRIVE.

YELLOW REVERSING HER GEM EXPERIMENTS OH MY G D

FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!

(I’m sorry in advance. The rest of the live blog is just going to be screaming about the Diamonds.)

“I can permanently alter any physical form!” She’s so proud of herself. 😭😭😭 I fuckin’ love her.

Yellow laying down on the ground like that is SENDING ME SKSKSJSJ.

Ugh, and her being such a good mom to Spinel. I’m cry in f

“If anything’s out of proportion, it’s your temper. You can be big if you want to, or you can be small if you want to, but if you’re going to be upset no matter what, then this problem isn’t physical—it’s emotional. Go see Blue.”

I really like her advice here because it’s advice that comments so clearly on her own character arc. At her lowest, she was quick to anger, aggressive, and temperamental, which she diagnoses in Steven here. Additionally, she was the Diamond who was concerned largely with physical actions. She coped by maintaining the Empire through conquering planets and maintaining the minutiae of leadership; she thought the only way to receive justice for Pink was through the physical act of destruction. And in doing so, she pushed her own emotions deep, deep down until they manifested in anger, aggressiveness, and temperamental outbursts. This hurt the people she cared about, and it hurt herself most of all.

Also, “Go see Blue. That is her department.” Ejdoiddjdjjsjdjdks, “go see ur other grandma.”

BLUE FLOATING ON A CLOUD!!!!!

“Your powers have been causing you dramatic mood swings? That seems awfully troubling Steven.” God I love her

“You don’t seem troubled.” This is a really interesting line because it comments on how Blue’s emotions, especially her negatively charged ones, used to be so visible all over her; indeed, she both wittingly and actively used to project them on other Gems, forcing them to feel her suffering, too.

OH, SHE GOES ON TO SAY THE EXACT SAME THING EOEODODISSJJS. LISTEN, I REALLY VIBE WITH BLUE.

“Back before you came into my life, Steven, I wanted every one to feel the pain I felt. I realized I must make up for my awful behavior by bringing joy to others.”

Another thing I’ve appreciated about the writing in this episode: So far, both Blue and Yellow have used the adjective awful to describe their former actions. It’s the self-awareness and the refusal to try to excuse themselves that powerfully shows how much they’ve grown. And it’s their continuous endeavors to keep moving forward, to help the Gems that they’ve hurt, that indicates that they’re willing to constantly keep growing and atoning.

NFOFOFDKSSKSKSK, THESE CLOUDS ARE JUST HER VAPORIZED TEARS HELP.

Sick vape clouds, Blue

I’VE HEARD THE SONG BEFORE, BUT EVERY TIME SHE SINGS, I LOSE MY SHI T

LISA HANNNNIGAAAAAAAN

This is such a pretty line: “Cold palace walls, and endless empty halls, haunted by echoes of laughter.”

BLUE ASCENDING THROUGH THE CLOUDS AUSHAHHSHD

BLUE MAKING HEART CLOUDS FOR SPINEL!!

BLUE CALLING SPINEL N STEVEN HER LITTLE REASONS WHY.

“I’LL NEVER MAKE YOU CRY.” This line is particularly lovely because I think it plays well with Steven’s line to her in “CYM:” “How many times did you make her cry?”

BDJDJDJSJDJ, BLUE LAYING ON HER CLOUD LIKE YELLOW LAID ON THE FLOOR.

The way she sings the last “loving you.” 😭😭😭😭 I’m gonna weep. I love her so fucking much.

“I found happiness. If that's not something you think you deserve, then I suspect this is an issue of self worth. I suggest you go to White for assistance with such matters.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And like Yellow did, Blue gets to the heart of her arc cleanly.

Before Steven and before her own emotional reckoning, she didn’t think it was her place to be happy: “I know my purpose isn’t to be happy.” But in learning to love others, Blue has found true, inner happiness, which she literally shares with others. Wow.

And I think there’s something powerful in her distinction between true happiness and self-worth. You can’t find one without espousing the other.

White’s room is so pretty. 🥺

THE FLASHING STROBE LIGJTS DDNJDFJDJDNF.

SPINEL WHITE DIAMOND?!/!:$;8;83&:&:

SHE FUCKING LETS OTHER GEMS CONTROL HE R HELP.

SPINEL MAKING WHITE TAP DANCE FICODODOFODJDNDJSJDJDJJDDJDJ

Steven’s horrified expression omg

“I’m scared I’m gonna hurt people; I guess I already have.” God.

And that’s another thing that this episode has called to mind. Blue, Yellow, and White alike once used their insane powers to hurt other Gems and to hurt themselves, and here, throughout this series, we see Steven discovering that same capacity for destruction and self-destruction. Along with the systematic oppressions they facilitated, a big part of the Diamonds’ modus operandi was that their powers were directly correlated to their mental states and their various inabilities to confront their own selves and effect inner change. The corrective wasn’t necessarily Steven; the corrective was him helping them to do that initial act of introspection and looking inwards. And so, too, will Steven have to do the same by the end of this series. But I presume that his family, all the people and gems who have loved and cared for him, will in effect be his Steven, just as he has always been for them.

“Half a Diamond, half a creature of Earth—in all the universe there's no one else that could know what you’re going through, so maybe it's time you talked to yourself.” This is so viscerally sad. White hits the nail on the head here. Steven’s human friends/family and his gem family and even the Diamonds, who come the closest to matching his own strength, can never fully understand him. It’s the tension that underscores a lot, if not the entire show.

White briefly touches Steven with her nail, and you can viscerally see the trauma on his face; he hasn’t forgotten her act above all, wrenching his gem out, nearly killing him.

“I’m... I’m a Diamond.” Steven, in looking at White Diamond, realizes that she’s a mirror of himself. Holy fucking shit

“I don’t want to be you! I don’t want to be anything like you!” HOLY FUCKING SHIT

“Don’t hurt me! She can’t hurt me! I’m controlling her...” And here, Steven doesn’t light upon the essential thing... in making White punch the wall, nearly knocking a huge rock into him, he’s the one hurting himself.

This show, oh my g o d

“She’s the one who should be afraid.” STEVEN?!!!!????!??!

“No, stop it! I don’t like this!” / “Please, you’re scaring me.” OH MY GO D

HE FUCKING MADE HER SLAM HER GEM AGAINST A PILLAR HOLY HE LL

“What... what was that?” Christine’s delivery here. Holy shit. 😭😭 And both of them are surrounded in the carnage of Steven’s wrath. Holy fucking shit.

This act is fundamentally different than him accidentally shattering Jasper in “Fragments”; this was an intentional attempt to hurt White, to crack her, to break her. Holy fucking shit

Spinel, Blue, and Yellow waiting for Steven outside of White’s door has my heart a little and a lot tender 🥺🥺🥺🥺

SPINEL SINGING I CAN MAKE A CHANGE SO DRAMATICALLY DJDIDJDJDJDJD. (But yeah, lmao, this will absolutely be the conclusion of Steven’s arc at the end of Future.)

“Steven! Let us help you, Steven!” The Diamonds are so concerned (mirroring the Gems back at home, too). 😭😭

He leaves a flip flop behind like Cinderella lmao

“Steven, let us help you!” / “We’re your family!” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And just as he implored the CGs, he tells the Diamonds not to follow him either.

Steven is completely and utterly alone.

Not by necessity.

But God, by choice.

Okay, this is my new favorite Future episode.

[shaalk]

Stages of life- Chapter 1

Type: Chaptered

Characters: Sehun x Reader

Genre: Exes to lovers, Smut, Fluff, Romance, Angst

Warnings: None

Status: Completed

Summary: Being with Sehun is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. There are so many ups and downs, but as someone who enjoys thrill, I love every moment with him.

Words: 3029

Tags: @riajae​ @smolpeyy​ @sheebaba​ @meryljill-111192​ @j-pping​ @ohsehunxv​ @tansyfleurwhisper​ @vad-hander​ @rexo91

Mini masterlist | Chapter 2

“Yo, do you mind if some of my friends crash at our place?” Junmyeon shouts, trying to talk over the music and conversations happening at the club. 

I really want to reject him. After all, it is a Saturday night and I am already in my comfortable clothes, ready to curl up on the sofa to binge watch a drama. But since I have requested this of Junmyeon, my housemate, several times before, it is only fair that I let him do as such too. 

I sigh and grunt in agreement. 

“Great! We’ll be back in about 10 minutes, we’re just getting into my friend’s car,” I hear as the line clicks.

I glance down at my clothes and then at the apartment. Both are a mess. It wouldn’t be nice for me to greet Junmyeon’s guests in my tank top and booty shorts. 

Immediately, I go to change into something a way less revealing and then start cleaning up the place.

Since Junmyeon and I are busy with our careers, we don’t really have time to clean our apartment often. Whatever free time we have, we spend either lazing around the apartment or meeting our friends. This explains why there are take-out boxes everywhere, dishes piled up in the sink and clothes strewn throughout the living room.

I know I can’t make the apartment spick and span in the 8 minutes I have left but I try my best. I shove all the left-over food into the fridge, throw out all the empty take-out boxes, place the dirty dishes into the dish washer that we still don’t even know how to operate despite living in our apartment for almost two years, and dump our clothes in our respective closets. 

Folding the clothes were a job for another day, as long as they were out of sight for now.

Thankfully, I manage to make the apartment look presentable in the short amount time I had because just as I shut my wardrobe, I hear the sound of the front door being opened and laughter echoing throughout the once tranquil apartment. 

Not wanting to be rude, I walk out to meet Junmyeon and his friends.

“Hey oppa,” I greet as Junmyeon ruffles my hair. 

I slap his hands away and glare at him in displeasure to which he just guffaws. He knows I hate it when he does that but he continues doing it all the time anyway because he says that I look adorable whenever I am annoyed.

Junmyeon then introduces me to his friends who are watching us with amusement. 

“This is Yixing, that’s Kyungsoo and the one that looks like Yoda is Chanyeol.” 

I snicker when the last guy throws something at Junmyeon, clearly pissed that he was called by his apt nickname in front of a stranger. Unfortunately, the item misses the target by a bit and Junmyeon starts making faces at his friend. 

I shake my head at how childish my housemate is being even though he’s almost 30 years old.

“There’s one more friend who’s parking his car. I’ll introduce you to him when he comes up.” 

I nod and greet his friends shyly, not used to having so much attention on me.

Junmyeon probably senses my discomfort because within the next second, he ushers his friends into the living room while I head into the kitchen to get them some refreshments.

As I am making my way out of the kitchen with a tray consisting of glasses of water and some snacks, the doorbell rings again, signalling the arrival of Junmyeon’s last friend. 

Even though I am the closest to the door, my hands are full, so Junmyeon rushes to open the door in my stead.

“Parking was such a bitch!” I hear as the door slams shut. 

Junmyeon pulls his friend into the living room where the rest of them have already started watching a movie.

“So this is my friend who was parking his car, he’s..” 

Before Junmyeon can even finish introducing me to his friend, I drop the tray I am holding in shock. Thankfully I have already set down everything that was on it or else there would have been a huge mess!

After the crashing of the tray, the only sounds resonating throughout the apartment are the voices coming from the TV. 

“Sehun?” I whisper shakily, not believing that this male is standing right in front of my eyes. 

I guess I am not the only one who is taken aback because I can recognise the shock painted across Sehun’s features as well.

“You two know each other?” I vaguely comprehend Junmyeon asking. 

But I can’t concentrate on that question, not when I am staring right into the eyes of the man I have been trying to avoid for the past 4 years.

——————————————————————

I sigh in frustration and thrash on my bed, irritated that I still haven’t fallen asleep yet even though it is already 3am. 

Out of all the guys in the world, how could Junmyeon be friends with Oh Sehun? I guess the saying is right, it really is a small world.

After the tray dropping incident, I didn’t bother answering Junmyeon’s question. Unable to take the intensity of 4 confused looks and 1 surprised look on me, I shuffle to my bedroom speedily after mumbling a quick good night.

That was almost 4 hours ago, and I hadn’t stepped out of my room after that. 

But now, that is about to change because I really have to pee and the only toilet in the apartment is connected to the kitchen. 

I clearly heard Junmyeon’s bedroom door close earlier meaning he has already gone to bed. I try to listen through my door for any noises coming from the living room but there is only complete silence.

Assuming that Junmyeon’s friends are all asleep as well, I slowly twist my door knob and pull it open slightly. I peek out to confirm that my assumption is right, Junmyeon’s friends really are fast asleep.

Doing a mini but silent cheer, I stealthily escape the confines of my bedroom and jog to the toilet. As soon as I plop down onto the toilet bowl, I sigh in relief. I have been trying to control myself for so long.

After finishing my business, I make my way back to my room quietly. As I pass the living room, I notice that only three of Junmyeon’s friends are sleeping there.

Yixing and Kyungsoo are spread across the L-shaped couch with a thick and fluffy blanket over them. On the other hand, Sehun is uncomfortably sleeping on the tiny single seater sofa. His arms and legs are crossed while he is seated upright. His head is hanging off the back of the chair and he doesn’t even have a blanket over him because Junmyeon and I only have one spare.

Worried that he might catch a cold since it is in the middle of autumn, I tiptoe towards Sehun to wake him up. I tap him on the arm gently to find that his body is slightly cold to the touch already.

Shit, he's gonna get sick if he doesn't move to a warmer environment.

“Sehun,” I whisper as discreetly as I can while I nudge him shoulder. 

Sehun was a heavy sleeper in the past but thankfully, his eyes bolt open without me having to raise my voice. I wouldn’t want the other two boys to wake up. 

The male faces me with furrowed brows, probably displeased that his sleep was interrupted. He then rubs his eyes to wake himself up a little. I’m sure he isn’t trying to look cute at all but he absolutely does.

Geez, keep it in your pants girl!

I tug at his arm lightly. 

“Let’s go to my room, i’m worried you might get sick,” I mumble again, not wanting to cause a ruckus in the middle of the night. 

He nods like a child and follows behind me like a puppy.

I manage to get us back into the confines of my room silently. Sehun just stands in front of my bed listlessly, staring into space since he is still hazy with sleep. 

Seeing as he is so out of it, I push him towards my bed and tuck him under the covers once he is comfortably laid down. I then make my way to the empty side of the bed and prepare to go to sleep too.

“You sure you’re ok with this?” His deep voice slurs suddenly.

I don’t even take a moment to think. 

“Of course. It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before anyway,” I reply and turn to face away from Sehun, ready to head off to dreamland.

I can sense that Sehun still has something left to say but I stop him before he can open his mouth. 

“We’ll talk in the morning, I promise.” 

I feel the mattress bounce as Sehun tries to get into a more cosy position before I hear his breathing even out. Soon after, I fall asleep too.

——————————————————————

It is in the middle of autumn which means that it is supposed to be quite cold. I have not turn on the heater in my room and I can’t feel the blanket over me so I am not sure why i’m feeling so warm.

I lazily open my eyes to reach for the fan switch but am not greeted with the view of my room. Instead, I only see pale skin. 

My nose is pressed against the base of Sehun’s neck. His chin is resting on top of my head while his lips are pressed against my hair. He has an arm over my waist and our legs are in a tangle. 

I don’t know how but I manage to feel myself get warmer. Despite being utterly abashed, I use the opportunity to take a proper look at Sehun.

His eyebrows are in a furrow and his cheeks are puffed out. Unknowingly, he is pouting. He looks so cute in his sleeping state, a stark difference from when he is awake, where he is dashing. 

I catch sight of the little scar on Sehun’s right cheek and as if my hand has a mind of its own, it makes its way up to his face to caress it.

I clearly remember when Sehun first got it. It was our second year of university and we were all required to sign up for extra curricular activities. Being the sports enthusiast, Sehun opted for football and he was immediately picked as the new goalkeeper at the first try-outs due to his amazing skills.

During the finals of the inter-university championships, Sehun dived to save a goal attempt by the opposing team and accidentally got scratched by a sharp plastic item that was on the ground. By deflecting that goal, our school managed to win the match and become the champions of the competition.

Sehun was always insecure about his scar, complaining that it “affected his good-looks” but I could never agree with him. The scar was a result of his passion and victory. If possible, it made him look even more attractive in my eyes.

I am still stroking the scar when Sehun’s eyelids start fluttering. Not wanting to have to deal with the awkward situation that we are literally tangled in, I bring my hand back down to my chest and pretend to be asleep. 

Sehun inhales deeply and I feel his head move away from mine. He is probably trying to gain his bearings in his groggy state. 

Soon though, I feel a burning stare on me and then a light flick against my forehead. 

“Are you gonna stop pretending to be asleep?” I hear him ask teasingly in his sandy morning voice, inducing butterflies in the pits of my stomach.

I frown, embarrassed that I have been caught. Given no other choice, I hesitantly open my eyes only to have Sehun’s face an inch away from mine. I still in shock and jerk backwards, not expecting him to be so close to me. 

We just stare at each other in comfortable silence until Sehun breaks the moment. 

“Its morning already, let’s talk now.” 

I sigh, I guess I brought this upon myself. I really thought he would have forgotten my words since he was half asleep when I made the promise. 

“Why’d you suddenly leave me all those years ago? You didn’t give me a reason or anything. No proper breakup whatsoever. You just left! Why would you do that to me? To us? I loved you and I thought your feelings for me were the same. Was I wrong the whole time? Was I just a toy for you to play around with?”

My heart clenches at the pain I put Sehun through. It is time for me to tell him the truth, he deserves it after I simply ghosted him 4 years ago.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to hurt you 4 years ago Hun-ah. But I swear, it wasn’t because I had other agendas. My feelings for you were genuine and they were since the start. You have to believe me!” I begin. 

Sehun’s hard eyes soften at my confession. He gazes at me patiently, waiting for me to continue with my explanation.

This is when I realise that Sehun isn’t mad at me for what I did to him in the past anymore. Because if he was, he would have directed his anger at me the moment he saw me the night before. He just wants an explanation for my actions. He needs closure.

“Do you remember the end of our 3rd year of uni when our internship postings were released?” 

Sehun nods in acknowledgment.

“Everyone had gotten spots at local companies while you, being the smartypants, you managed to secure a job at one of the most prestigious companies in the world. Do you remember how excited you were when you found out that your dream company had contacted you for an internship?” 

Sehun hums with a mirth of a smile on his pretty lips.

“But then when you found out that you had to move across the world to New York to do the internship, you wanted to reject the offer because you didn’t want to be separated from me. I couldn’t let you do that Sehun, I couldn’t let you give up your dream just for me.” 

I know Sehun wants to chime in but I stop him. I need him to hear the full story first.

“I knew that if I had asked you for a breakup, you wouldn’t have agreed to it. So, I used the most cowardly method to get out of the relationship with you. I ran! And i’m sorry I did that to you but I don’t regret my decision at all since you went for the internship eventually. I really loved you Sehun, I hope you believe me.”

After getting everything off my chest, I realise I have started crying. 

That was a really rough period for both of us. Sure I had intentionally hurt Sehun. If his texts asking me to come back to him after I left weren’t enough evidence, I don’t know what were. But I was hurting too. I wasn’t the same after leaving Sehun. I was never as happy as I was when I was with him. 

Even years after, I still thought about him regularly and about how bad of a girlfriend I was for breaking his heart. I didn’t trust myself to date anybody after him. I couldn’t bear to hurt anyone else.

I dared to lay my eyes on Sehun only to see that he is observing me, unshed tears on his waterline. 

“Would you ever be able to forgive me for all the pain i’ve caused you?” I ask hopefully. 

This isn’t a small request to ask of Sehun and deep down I know it wouldn’t be easy to forgive all the pain and heartbreak I had intentionally caused him. 

And I am right because Sehun shakes his head. 

I am suddenly embarrassed at how hopeful I was but I understand his decision. I nod solemnly and move to climb off the bed when Sehun catches my arm, halting all my movements.

“I’ll forgive you,” I perk up, “but only if you be my girlfriend again.”

The smile is wiped off my face completely. This time, I shake my head. 

“I can’t do that Sehun. What if I hurt you again? I’ll never be able to forgive myself.” 

I can feel hot tears dripping down my face once more.

Unable to watch me cry any longer, Sehun lifts me up with his strong arms and places me on his lap so that I am straddling him. 

“Love, look at me. You’re not going to hurt me again ok? If anything, you’re gonna make me the happiest man alive by being with me.” 

I shake my head profusely, I am not going to let Sehun be with a girl like me again.

“I thought you didn’t want to cause me anymore pain and heartbreak? You’re hurting me now because you’re not accepting me as your boyfriend even though i’m still crazily in love with you,” Sehun guilt trips me as he bounces me on his lap a little, trying to elicit a positive response out of me.

I glare him slightly, upset that he is using my own words to blackmail me. 

Sehun chuckles heartily and pinches my cheek in adoration, something he always did when we were dating. 

“Please come back to me sweetheart,” Sehun pleads once more. 

He sounds so desperate that I can’t help but give in. I huff but nod in the end. I want him to be my boyfriend too anyway.

In his ecstatic state, Sehun suddenly lets out a high pitched squeal. I don’t have time to laugh at the ridiculous sound he made because I am flipped over to lie on my back while my boyfriend hovers over me.

“Thank you baby,” he whispers lovingly before letting his lips meet mine.

A/N: Let me know what you think! Please leave a comment :)

Mini masterlist | Chapter 2

[mudwingprince]

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 (here)

Disclaimer!:

two things

1. Please dont ship us, everything that happens in these are completely platonic :)

2. Everything thought or said about certain characters (*cough* isol) is not meant or actually thought, i love all of my friends dearly and would never say anything bad about them in a malicious manner

and onto the story we goooooo

tw: symptoms of clinical anxiety, illness (poison)

Even after a couple hours, the rain hadn’t subdued at all. My fur was wet. Gross. At least when we leave the tree there will be mud. I’ve always liked mud, that’s probably why my parents named me that. Where were my parents, anyway? I don’t think I’ve ever seen them before… Did my parents even name me themselves?

I stared out into the forest, the soft sound of rain pattering down on the leaves kept me calm, but alert. Isol could be out there, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. I flicked my tail. It was heavy due to the rain. I blinked. It was a while since I saw rain. It was kind of nice. I glanced at Radi0, making sure he was still there. Yep. Still sleeping. I put my claw to my forehead and brushed my fur tuft to the side. Still there. We’re safe. Why am I afraid? I shouldn’t be. As soon as Radi0 wakes up we’d leave. We need to get as far away from here as possible. I need to find a way to hide our scents. Radi0’s is most important. He was human. He would have the strongest scent. The rain would make it harder for Isol to find us though, and it will wash away our trail. But we were here for so long, there’s no way that the scent wouldn’t stay. I picked up a nearby stick and started scratching at the dirt. It was like that for a while, the harsh crackle from the on-going fire and the soft pitter-patter of the rain. I started poking at a rock, I just needed to wait.

It felt like hours despite only being a couple minutes before Radi0 stirred in his sleep. He pushed himself up with a small grunt, his normally spiky hair had deflated. He rubbed at his eyes and blinked. And then rubbed at his eyes again, tense.

“Did you forget we left?” I asked, my voice low as I kept poking the rock. He let out a nervous laugh.

“Kind of,” He muttered. A pause.

“I grabbed berries?” I said, pushing the berries towards him. He hesitantly took them.

“Are… they poisonous?” Radi0 asked.

“Oh yeah, I would definitely poison you,” I said jokingly, “It’s not like we just saved each other from our homicidal friend.” Radi0 blinked at me. “What? I tried them first, they’re safe. We haven’t eaten in a couple days, I could survive without food but you can’t, so I thought you might like them.” Radi0 looked at the berries suspiciously, as if they would magically grow legs and walk away. Then he carefully put one in his mouth.

“How… long has it been since we last ate?” Radi0 asked, handing a berry to me. I tossed it and caught it between my teeth.

“A couple days?” I replied, and then shrugged. “It's kind of hard to tell when we were in that other place.”

“We should probably give it a name…” Radi0 said, eating another berry. “‘That Other Place’ doesn’t really seem fitting, and it might get confusing, there’s no way we’re going back there any time soon and we’re probably not going to stay here, so there’s bound to be a lot more ‘other places.’”

“Yeah, I was hoping we could get moving soon, I don’t want Isol to find our trail,” I muttered, picking the stick up again and fidgeting with it. “Do you have any names in mind?”

“N-No…” He said. A pause. “Were you really scared by a leaf?”

“Oh my god,” I said, covering my face. “I thought it was a giant bug that landed on me! No one will leave me alone because of it!” I laughed and started ripping the bark off of the stick. “It was really embarrassing.” I looked out to the forest again, picking at the bark. Then I looked at Radi0. He was holding two berries, looking at them in a somewhat disgusted way.

“Are you going to eat those?” I asked, he blinked at me.

“Yeah,” he replied hesitantly. “Why? Do you want one?”

“It doesn’t matter to me, honestly, I just didn’t want them to go to waste,” I shrugged, and directed my gaze back out to the forest. A droplet of rain fell onto my nose and I shook my head.

“Did you get any more sleep?”

“Huh?” I asked, tilting my head.

“You said you had a nightmare,” Radi0 said, putting another berry in his mouth. It seemed forced.

“Oh, uh, I just… wasn’t tired,” I lied. “We should, uh, get going.” I pushed myself up, reaching my talon down to help Radi0 up. He grabbed my talon and I pulled him off of the ground. We started walking through the rain in the opposite direction that we came from. We walked in silence for a while. I made sure to step in every puddle that we found, while Radi0 trudged along, slightly behind me. It didn’t ease the growing worry that Isol was out there somewhere, trying to find us, trying to kill us. She was our friend. They were my friend. I placed a claw on my forehead again. I’m safe with this. We’re safe with this. I can’t let Radi0 get hurt. If he dies, that’s it. There’s no coming back for him, unlike me. I need to protect him. I’ll be fine if I die. I’ll always come back as long as I have the c-

“Are you okay?”

I blinked, confused, then I nodded. Of course I was fine. I couldn’t not be fine. I had to protect him, and if I wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t be able to.

“Yeah, why?”

“You seem worried,” Radi0 said. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Nah,” I replied, dragging my hand away from my face. “I’m always worried anyway.” That only seemed to get Radi0 even more concerned. Ah, here you go again, Mud, fucking things up like always. “I-It’s not a bad thing though, I just need to keep everything in check, it’s nothing!” Radi0 looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I sighed. “It’s fine, really. Sure it can be stressful at times, but I’ve done it my entire life and I’m used to it,” I smiled at Radi0, then actually looked at him. He was pale and he had heavy bags under his eyes, his normally proud stance was huddled over. His hair was still deflated from earlier and he was clutching his stomach tightly.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” I asked, putting a talon on his shoulder. He looked at me, and hesitated before shaking his head. “W-What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“I don’t really know…” He muttered, rubbing his temples, “I think I’m just tired…?” I blinked at him. This didn’t really look like ‘just tired,’ it looked like a lot more than that. He looked… ill…

“Uh, how bad do you feel though?” I asked, lifting my talon from his shoulder. He let out a small, hoarse laugh.

“R-Really bad,” Radi0 sighed, rubbing the back of his head. “I just want to sleep and forget about all of this…” I knew how it felt to want to sleep everything off. I want to forget about all of this. Forget about Isol, forget about running away, forget about dying again, forget about it all. A bright flash lit the sky followed by a loud crash. I jumped at the sudden strike of light and loud boom frantically looking around, just in case Isol was preparing to pounce at the distraction.

“Do you think that you could make it a little longer?” I asked. “Just until the rain dies down a little?” He blinked at me and thought about it for a second, then nodded. I gave him a small smile, trying to be comforting, but probably failing. He was just fine yesterday, how could he have caught something already? Did the stress really lower his immune system that much?

“Okay,” I said, flicking my heavy, rain drenched tail, “But if you feel anything different then say something, okay?” He nodded and we continued walking at a slower pace. The rain dripped through the leaves of the thick forest, falling onto our heads and dampening our hair and fur even more. I tried not to think of much as we walked but I’ve never been one to be able to clear my mind. It was always racing, thinking about all of the bad things that have happened and all of the bad things to come. Isol is here. They’re looking for us. She’s looking for me. I was the one who managed to trick her. They thought I was dead. They really want me dead. She’s in the bushes. I know she is. She’s going to kill me. I’m dead. I’m going to die. At thirteen. I have so much to live for, this can’t happen. No, I have the c-

“H-Hey Mud?” I blinked and turned towards Radi0. “Is it okay if we stop, just for a little while?” I nodded at him and then looked around, searching for a good place to rest, just for the rest of the day… or until Radi0 was feeling a bit better…

All that I could see for miles were trees. Radi0 wouldn’t be able to climb them in the state that he’s in. The trees were tall and had large, sturdy leaves, leaves that hardly budged when the rain fell down on them. I thought for a moment, the vines that decorated the trees also seemed pretty sturdy, along with the thick branches. I started to walk towards one of the trees and grabbed a vine that was hanging down. Radi0 looked at me, confused and scared. I gave him a thumbs up as I tried hopping onto the vine. I slipped off easily and fell to the ground with a surprised squeak, soaked in mud and rain water. I stood up and shook myself off. Yeah, this would work!

“I’m going to climb this tree,” I said, pointing to the closest one. “Please don’t go anywhere, I’m not really up for searching for a sick teen right now.”

“I’m not-” Radi0 began to protest, his voice raspy, but before he could say anything else, I started climbing up the tree. The branches were slippery, so it was hard to get a foothold, and I stumbled trying to get to a somewhat-dry branch. There was finally a thick enough branch to hold the both of us, so I started working. First step, find a sturdy (and big) enough leaf.

This shouldn’t be that tricky, I thought as I looked around, standing on the branch. I reached up to grab a large leaf that hung above my head and I tried to pull it off of the tree. I let out a small, frustrated laugh as the leaf didn’t budge. I tried pulling it off again, this time with more force. Still nothing.

Really? I thought to myself, aggravated at the stubbornness of the leaf. It was kind of like me, frustrating and stubborn. Then I had an idea. I had claws, sharp claws nonetheless, why didn’t I think of that before? I walked towards the stem of the leaf and started sawing away at it. After five minutes of frustrated scratching, the leaf finally fell off.

“Yes,” I muttered, holding out the ‘s’. I grabbed the leaf and held it over the edge of the branch to show Radi0. “I GOT A LEAF!” I called down to him. He stood up from where he was leaning on the tree and looked at me.

“What the hell are you doing?” He asked.

“SOMETHING!” I called back, and then returned to working on my strange contraption. Second step, find a vine that wouldn’t snap under the weight of two people. Maybe this one would be easier to find. I looked around again, there was a vine hanging from a nearby tree. I reached for it and tugged. It was good that it was sturdy, but it was also bad that it was that sturdy. Why did everything in this forest have to be so needlessly sturdy? I tugged on it again, trying not to fall off the tree in the process. If only there was a closer vine… I tugged again, this time harder, and the vine came loose, wrapping me up as I fell back onto the branch. I untangled myself and grabbed the leaf. Finally, step three, figure out how to make an ‘elevator’ out of this.

I had literally no clue how.

[avversiera-writes]

try again; in every day we breathe life [tobirama senju/you] - chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Then

Summary: Tobirama, on the verge of death after Ginkaku and Kinkaku staged a coup during the peace ceremony, gathers his last drop of strength to get home.

Word count: ~6k

also available on AO3. 

Chapter 1 - Now | Chapter 2 - Then, part 1 | Chapter 2 - Then, part 2 | Chapter 3 - Now | Chapter 4 - Then | Chapter 5 - Then | Chapter 6 - Now | Chapter 7 - Then | Chapter 8 - Then |

tw// blood, miscarriage, ptsd, panic attacks, another attempted murder, it's really sad but rest assured they will heal

to sum: Tobirama feels helpless

Tobirama’s eyes snap open, and he realizes that it is nighttime. The stars seem closer up here in Kumogakure, as they are a village that is closest to the sky. The night sky glitters before him, and the moon hangs low, so low that Tobirama can see its ridges and craters. On the ground, he is surrounded by cold bodies, and he is splattered by the familiar stickiness of blood. He feels nauseous and he closes his eyes to try and fight it. He should be dead, but he is not, or maybe this is it for him and he is only taking in his last moments. His body is frozen stiff, and there is little that he can feel. He knows that he has been injured badly enough that he had blacked out from it. 

 He turns his head, and he sees the miniature toy dragon that he intends to bring home to his wife and child. He is not much of a sap, but a souvenir from a different place is not bad. 

 The toy dragon is made from jade, but it is small and can be easily missed. It is now covered in blood. 

Tobirama turns to the sky again, and catches a shooting star travelling across one point to another. 

 If he dies here, then everything he has done so far, everything he has set to motion, may all come to a stop. 

Tobirama still has so much more things to do, to accomplish, and promises to live up to. 

A hawk circles over the carnage that the Gold and Silver brothers have wrought. Just as the peace ceremony was going well, Ginkaku and Kinkaku sought to stop the ceremony. Tobirama recognizes the nine-tails’ chakra in them, and before the night fell, he is brought to the verge of death despite giving them a hell of a fight. The Second Raikage was also attacked, but he is not sure if he made it or not. 

 Tobirama closes his eyes, and he notices how little chakra he has left. He can use it to check on his wife and unborn child, and if it is his time, then he will leave this world knowing that his work was not just for naught, that something had worked out and all his sacrifices were worth something. He needs to know that choosing the village over everything, choosing his brother and his dreams were the right choices. 

He is hundreds of miles away, but that is nothing to get to her. 

He seeks her out, searches for her particular chakra signature, now more than unique than ever, but he does not find her where she is supposed to be. He does not have enough chakra to keep looking, and no matter how far he spreads his scope, he cannot feel her. 

 Tobirama’s eyes snap open. 

 Something is wrong. 

A cold fear that forces his heart to beat harder washes over him, and it gives him enough strength to roll to his side. 

 He needs to get home. He needs to do it now. He needs to get to his wife. 

 He is needed . 

He doesn't care if he will lose his life trying to do what is impossible at the moment. He has always been the pinnacle of impossible, and yet. 

 Tobirama groans, realizing that his body is broken. He has multiple fractures in his ribs, and he is already bleeding out, blood as dark as the night pooling under him. He patches himself up hastily, and he reaches for his sword and stands himself up. He is light-headed, and his thoughts are barely starting to make sense, but he has a goal and he will not rest until he accomplishes what he has set out to do. He swallows every doubt and fear, buries them under the mental fortitude that took him years to develop. 

 His wife needs a man, needs her husband, and Tobirama is not always man enough to be worthy of her, he is in pieces and he divides himself everyday and travels further from her as the Hokage. 

 But he is certain that he can save and protect her, so he picks himself up, little by little, piece by piece so that will be the one to be there for her. He cannot give her more, he cannot be anything more, but he will get to her. 

 He will grovel on the ground, if he has to. 

//

Your skin is feverish, and your temperature only continues to increase. It becomes unbearable, and you are gasping for air, trying to find a way to alleviate it. Your thoughts become muddled, and your eyes feel like they are about to bulge out of your skull. Pain laces up and down your spine, and you can only cry and gasp out as you lie on the forest floor. 

 Is this how it ends for you? 

 You think of your husband, and your heart breaks for him. You cannot imagine causing him pain, but you wonder if he will mourn you and your unborn child. He will, in his own way.

You let out a cry as the pain begins to double, and you claw at the ground underneath you. You are completely soaked with sweat, and it is getting harder to breathe.

Someday, the time will come where you will beg for me to come and take your pain away.  

 Madara had once said that, in your dream where he appeared. Is this what he meant? 

You start to shout, as a debilitating cramp takes over your lower belly. Something inside is twisting and clawing you, and the fire that threatens to engulf you inside, that seems to boil your blood makes it worse. 

 Maybe you are also hallucinating, but you see Madara’s silhouette watching you a few feet away. You glimpse at it, and more tears pour from your eyes. 

 He is still your friend. He still haunts you to this day. Is he really dead when he lingers in the shadows of your worst nightmares? No one can protect you from what is in your mind, and maybe that is what Madara had wanted when he appeared in your dream. Maybe you will be the cause of Tobirama’s downfall because you have chosen to believe his words. 

“I’m sorry,” you choke out. “I’m sorry. Please. Please!” 

You continue to weep, feeling hopeless. 

You hear something heavy fall near you, and you start to panic. You are unbelievably defenseless. You search for anything around you, something, a rock, a fragile stick, anything, but a calmness washes over you when you hear your husband whisper your name. You glimpse his crumpled form, and he is on the ground, crawling towards you. His happuri is cracked and it falls to the ground, and his armor has no more use as it did nothing to save him from his injuries. You see that half of his body is covered in blood, and some of it trickle down to the ground. 

“Tobirama!” You gasp, but you let out a strangled scream as something inside you feels like it is cutting away at your belly. 

Tobirama makes it to you, and he gathers you in his arms. Your head rests on his chest, and he puts a hand on your face. 

 You twist in his hold, and you kick at the ground, screaming as the pain continues to lay waste in your body. 

Tobirama’s eyes widen, as he sees blood and tissue coming out from in between your legs. They stream down your thighs, dark and lumpy. 

 “My blood–it’s–! It’s too hot!” You scream again, and Tobirama hefts you into his arms, despite his injury. 

You hear water splash underneath, and Tobirama takes you to the deeper part of the cold stream. He lowers you, and he keeps an arm on you as you seize in his arms. You hold on to his shoulder, and somewhere in your fits, you glimpse at the sky and you curse at it. 

 Why? Why you? 

 You let out one more prolonged scream, and this time, you feel something break away. You tremble, and you settle into Tobirama’s arms. 

“No, no, no,” Tobirama begs you. 

 You let out a breath and collapse into your husband completely, and then, nothing. 

//

Tobirama stares at his wife’s body in his arms, and the panic settling in his chest almost makes him freeze. He notices bruises on your neck that look like a hand. 

“NO!” Tobirama bellows. He checks your pulse. 

 Nothing. Nothing . 

A lump of dread lodges itself in his throat, and he puts a hand on the side of your face. You do not blink or breathe, and there is no movement at all. You are too still. Too lifeless. 

“No, no, do not do this!” Tobirama shouts. “Come back to me!” 

 He hauls you and himself back to dry ground, and despite the pain creaking through his body, he ignores it. He lays you flat on your back, and he begins to pump on your chest, trying to bring you to life. This is not how it is supposed to turn out. You are supposed to live on and even live past him. 

 Tobirama curses, and he pushes on your chest again and again, ignoring the feeling of breaking your ribs from the force. It makes him sick and nauseous. He has spent most of his life killing, and when it counts for him to prolong life, somehow it all turns against him. 

 He screams your name in the empty woods. 

//

It is almost dawn when Tobirama makes it to the hospital. Despite the alarm around him and the chaos as the doctors and nurses there scramble to treat him, he gets his wife on a gurney, and he collapses on the ground beside it. He has managed to get a pulse, but he is not sure how long that will last. She is pale, and she is barely breathing. 

 In a state of shock, Tobirama comes into conclusion that she may be undergoing sepsis and she will need all the attention and the care to make sure she comes out okay. The child inside her is probably dead, and Tobirama tries not to think about that and how he may explain it to her. If she makes it. 

 Everything sounds garbled around him, and he does not care about anything else. He fights anyone who tries to treat him, and instead demands that they take care of his wife first. 

“My brother!” He barks. “Get my brother now!” 

 “Lord Hokage,” one of the medics starts. 

 “Now!” He pushes away someone who tries to assist him into another gurney. “Her first!” 

In a rush, your gurney is wheeled away from him and Tobirama watches in horror as someone begins to pump on your chest again. 

 This is on him, if you do not make it. 

“Tobirama,” he feels his elder brother grab him and assist him to a gurney. 

 Somehow, Tobirama feels a little less mad. His brother’s hold on him is gentle and strong.

 “My wife,” he says in anguish. He does not know what has happened to him, but he sounds like a broken track. He is unable to say anything else. 

 “Okay, okay,” Hashirama reassures. “I will take care of her, rest assured.” 

 Tobirama grasps his brother’s arm. “The fetus will not make it.” 

Hashirama stares at his brother, in shock. He has never seen Tobirama so helpless. He is going into his default coping mechanism: trying to rationalize and distance himself from the event. He does not like the way Tobirama has said fetus, as if he is only stating a matter of fact. However, when he looks into his brother’s eyes, he sees fear in them. 

“I will save her,” Hashirama promises to him. “Now, you have to get treated.”

 “Her first,” Tobirama says in a more withdrawn tone. He has grown ashy pale, and Hashirama makes him lie on the gurney completely. “You have to save her first.”

 “I will,” Hashirama repeats. 

 Tobirama meets his gaze fiercely. “ Her first,” he emphasizes and he pushes his brother back to send him away. 

Hashirama swallows and he hurries after Tobirama’s wife, not wasting another second. 

 Tobirama cannot rest, but he lets himself finally get healed. His unconscious takes over the moment he closes his eyes, like a heavy mountain pressing him to the ground.

//

Tobirama contemplates whether he should go and visit you, now that Hashirama and the medics have finished treating you. He is not much of a fearful person, but he does not really want to see the aftermath of what you went through because it makes it that much real. His skin feels like there is blood plasted on him permanently, and no matter how much he washes his hands, it’s there, coating his hands like tight-skinned gloves. 

 So he does what he does best. He acts. 

He tasks his students, Hiruzen, Homura and Koharu to find whoever did this, and he knows who did this, but he cannot arrest someone unless there is incriminating evidence. He sends his students because if he is the one looking for Kimiko, he will not be merciful about it. Mercies are best left to his wife, and right now, you are indisposed. 

 His mind races about Kumogakure, and how the consequences of the coup may affect the land and his village. If worse comes to worse, there may be war, and he hopes to prevent that. 

“Lord Nidaime?” A gentle, but steady voice interrupts his thoughts. 

 He turns, and he sees Biwako, the girl Hiruzen has been crazy about. 

“Your wife is awake,” Biwako says. “Well, in better words, responsive.”

 Tobirama nods, and he finds himself frowning. He is not ready to see you, nor bring you the news of what has happened. 

 Biwako steps forward, but Tobirama raises a hand and she halts. 

“Lord Nidaime, you may need assistance,” Biwako says. 

 “How is she?” 

 “Stable,” Biwako replies straightforwardly. “However, she can barely speak nor move. She is in a lot of pain. She is under a lot of sedatives, and if she is not, she starts screaming.” 

Tobirama nods. “I will be there shortly. Leave me.”

Biwako bows quickly and she walks out of the room. 

Tobirama stares at his hands, and he hears you scream in his mind, and he can feel your weight on him, as you almost lost your life. He has seen and carried dead bodies before, but that weight feels different. It feels like a punishment. 

 Tobirama knows that he should not be walking around, but there are a lot of things that he should not be doing and here he is. He swings his feet over the bed as slowly as he can to not exert himself, and then he puts his weight on his legs. He almost doubles over, but he catches himself and he grabs at the wall. He puts one foot in front of the other, and somehow, he makes outside the door without toppling over. 

 “Sensei!” 

 Tobirama hears Hiruzen call. He hears his footsteps, and he lets his student support him by the arm. 

“How is she?” Hiruzen asks. 

 “Stable,” Tobirama curtly replies. “What did you find?” 

 “She was still there in the house. She was in your bathroom and there were splashes of water everywhere,” Hiruzen starts. “Homura found traces of a poison and sent it to the investigative division. Then we put her into a holding cell.” 

Tobirama swallows, completely horrified but he masks it as quickly as it appeared. “She tried to drown my wife.” 

 He knows that it is your worst fear to be drowned, having been subjected to it before. 

 “I am sorry, sensei,” Hiruzen utters. “If there is anything I could do…”

 “Saru,” Tobirama interrupts. “Do not say anything more.” 

Hiruzen stares at his sensei, a little puzzled, but he keeps quiet. He keeps his support on his sensei. 

“See if Biwako found traces of poison in my wife and that it matches the one found,” Tobirama takes his arm back from Hiruzen. 

 The two of them stop at the doorway of the room you are put in. The curtains cover you, but he can make out your shape behind it. 

“Yes, sensei,” Hiruzen quietly says and he turns to walk away. 

Tobirama does not know how long he has stood there, but he snaps himself back into reality and he makes his way to you. His heart softens as he finds your face, but it also hurts because you look frail and weak, something that even in your worst state has never been seen. He finally sits himself on the chair next to you, and he takes your hand in his. 

 You flinch and you let out a jumble of words, and your heart beat spikes up. 

“It is me,” Tobirama murmurs to you. “It’s just me.” 

Tobirama runs his thumb over your hand, and he stares at it. At least it is warm now. At least he can feel your pulse, and your blood flowing under your skin. He feels your chakra flowing normally, although very low in levels. 

 “You’re safe,” Tobirama reassures. 

 He finds your face, and tears fall from your eyes. They open, but Tobirama finds that your stare is unfocused. 

 Then you close your eyes again. 

Tobirama keeps still, and finally, he feels your hand squeezing his. 

 At least you are alive.

//

Days pass you by like a blur, and you are still unable to talk. You do a lot of swimming in your mind, and when you are lucid, you cannot help but scream to let it all out. Words mean nothing, and they do not connect with your tongue. You are tired of the quietness in your mind because it is searing, and it is hot and it is where your thoughts run uncontrollably. 

 It is like the silence that has kept you from crying out for help has finally been siphoned off by a great vacuum, and every loud sound that has been suppressed sings and blares like a horn taking the spotlight on stage.

 On most days, you feel bereft of feelings except fear and an uncontained anger that makes all reason go down the drain. Luckily, you are bedridden. 

Tobirama has explained to you what has happened, he has laid down the facts with a passive voice. His face is arranged in such a calm way, he could just be talking about anything. He does not show how he feels about your loss. It does not make sense to you, because you remember being happy about finally building a family with him, and now, it is like someone has pulled out the cord and everything is put to a stop. 

 Honestly, it hurts. 

 You want him to lash out at you, to blame you, but he does none of that. The only thing you can do is be angry and scream at him, but he has no fault in this. You know that he fought for you. 

You have lost something so monumental, and it swallows you whole. 

 Guilt. That is what you mostly feel because it is your job to make sure your own child makes it to this world. 

 It is so hard to accept it. 

“Please stop,” you whisper Tobirama because he still keeps going, as if to rub in salt into your wounds. You know that he is only doing his best to get you through this. He is being there in the way he knows how. 

 Because when things go wrong, he can always depend on his sense of logic and his ability to be able to fix just about anything. 

Tobirama immediately quiets down, and his facade breaks. He reflects the torment that you scream from the top of your lungs. 

 “You died,” he repeats, his voice breaking off. 

 You turn your head away from him. 

 “I had her arrested,” Tobirama continues. 

 “I told you to stop,” you say, your voice croaking. You have not spoken words in days. 

Tobirama falls silent again, and you close your eyes. 

 “Please leave,” you tell him, even if it breaks your heart. 

 “No,” Tobirama says in a steady voice. 

A terrible, long hush settles between the two of you. There really is no instructions to follow on how to go about this. The both of you had lost a lot. Grief is different for each person. 

 Tears start to fall from your eyes, and you wonder how come you do not run out of it. Sometimes you cry even when they do not flow. 

Tobirama’s hand hesitates over the side of your head, but then he takes it back. After a long minute, he comes closer and leans towards the bed to slip his arm under your head. He turns you to him, and you watch him as he wordlessly gathers you into his arms. His touches are tender, and you note that he is trembling. 

 Like a dam that has been staved off for too long, you burst out crying and he leans his head over yours. 

 You have been feeling so far away from your body, as if you are only a spectator, but at this moment, you are finally grounded, like a kite winded back to its owner’s hands. 

Tobirama is as steady as you need him. 

//

Your house is now a different place. Dark and uninviting, it serves to remind you of that night that you almost died. You did die, according to Tobirama, but that short blip into the so-called afterlife did not serve to offer some relief. If anything, it made you feel more alone and more aware that something is missing inside of you. 

 You were going to have a girl. 

 The thought makes you sob, and you do, for the hundredth time today. 

When you get to your room, you suddenly feel uneasy and it is like your brain is reliving the same horror all over again, but your body is safe and whole. It is like you are underwater again, and you are melting, and you can barely stay on your feet. 

 Tobirama guides you towards the bed, but you fight him off, unable to process what is happening to you. Everything is happening too quickly. A different kind of burn settles on your chest and it squeezes the air out of you, and you are unable to take in more air. 

More tears fall from your eyes, and you try to gasp for air. You just want to breathe. Your vision blurs, and Tobirama catches you as you topple over. 

 The two of you go to the floor. You push your husband away, feeling like you are once again, fighting for your life. 

 Tobirama refrains from touching you again, but he keeps himself near, ready to act and prevent you from hurting yourself. 

It gets messier as you start to heave and then vomit on the floor. 

 You feel helpless, and disgusted of yourself. 

You pass out, after you come to, and the last thing you are aware of is Tobirama silently cleaning your vomit up. 

//

 You stop eating, in fear of ingesting something that could possibly poison you. Tobirama has dismissed the servants that work in your house and vows to get new ones, but at the moment, there is only you and him. Even if Tobirama is the one who serves you the food, you do not eat it and while you know that he is getting frustrated that you are not eating, you cannot help but fear the food. 

 You know that Tobirama is holding himself accountable for this, and you want to comfort him but how can you comfort him when you are confined to your own thoughts? 

Tobirama is the Hokage by day, and by night, he becomes your servant as he monitors you hour by hour, and cleans up after whatever mess you make without complaint. 

“Please eat,” Tobirama says quietly. 

He sits on the side of the bed, waiting. 

 “I will not let anything happen to you,” Tobirama says. “Would it help if I eat the food?” 

 You gather your legs to your body and hug them. You peek at him from above your knees. 

“Yes?” Tobirama inquires. 

 “I don’t want to eat,” you say. 

Tobirama sighs, and he rakes a hand through his hair. He stands up, and grabs the bowl that he placed on the bedside table. 

 His jaw tenses, a sign that he is holding off on saying anything that may make this situation worse. “Look, not poison.” 

Tobirama takes a spoonful of the food, and you watch him swallow it. You observe for a long time, even though the food has grown cold. 

 Nothing happens to Tobirama. 

 Grudgingly, you take the bowl from him. 

He goes down on one knee and he looks you into your eyes. “You are safe.”

 You nod, and you glumly eat the food that he prepared. It tastes bland. 

//

For days, you have not bathed as you do not want to go to the bathroom, and sometimes, you even end up rocking back and forth on the floor next to the door of the bathroom. You also hold off on emptying your bladder, resulting in you soiling your clothes and the floor. It makes you feel worse and descend into a spiral of intrusive thoughts, but you will yourself to get it together enough to clean after yourself as best as you can. For now, you opt using the garden hose outside or the faucet in the kitchen. 

 You also stopped going out into the streets, afraid that some threat is bound to be acted upon you. Not until Kimiko is apprehended permanently, you cannot bear to take a step outside. 

Sometimes you are tempted to do the job yourself. No one can really get in your way, except for your husband. 

 For days, you contemplate on this. 

 Maybe it will be easier on you. To erase the source of your trauma. Maybe you will not have to fear every shadow you encounter, including your own. 

 You and Kimiko are now even. The both of you had lost your child. 

Tobirama keeps the details of Kimiko’s arrest secret from you, probably thinking that it is for the best. 

 And it is, because you are not sure what you are capable of doing at the moment. 

//

Tobirama hates it when you are sleeping on your back or your stomach, because even if he knows better, his mind plays tricks on him and he is there in the middle of the woods all over again, holding your body as your life leaves you. So whenever he finds you like that, he turns you to your side and when he can bear to, holds you into his arms so that he knows that you are breathing, and that you have a heartbeat. 

 It hurts him to see you like this. You have always stayed strong. He has always taken your strength for granted. 

 Now that you are reduced to tears and fits, and bursts of unprecedented anger he thought that you were not capable of, it shakes him to the core. 

It reminds him that he has failed you, both as your husband and Hokage. 

 In your sleep, you have nightmares and Tobirama cannot wake you up from them at times. The best he can do is be there, but even that is not an option at times. 

 He grieves in his own way too.

How does one handle a possibility that was so tangible and close to happening, but it is torn away before it has even begun? 

 How does one receive life, only to have it taken from you in such a short time? 

Questions swirl his mind and it keeps him awake. It drives him to throw himself into his work and he forgets about sleep. 

 If he can donate sleep then he will give it to you, as long as it means a peaceful night for you. 

 He ignores that his senses are frayed, but at times, there is only much touching he can handle because he keeps remembering being surrounded by death as he came to, and being greeted by death as he holds you. 

Why is this his destiny? As if he is meant to be surrounded by life, but to only be able to work with death. He pours hours into avoiding it, but the truth is, death is a fact, not a question that he can solve in a few steps. 

 How he wills it so, but that is a wall that he will keep knocking on as long as he lives. 

//

Even in your sadness, there is routine, all thanks to Tobirama and his ability to compartmentalize and boil it down in a way that he can understand. He is stellar at this, but you know that it is not the case. The more he seeks perfection, the more he is in a deeper hole than he lets on. It is scary to watch him spiral, because no one ever notices until it is too late and he has suddenly come up with a new jutsu and making everyone around him make a run for their money. He never asks for help, and when help is given to him, he refuses profusely and even makes it seem like it is your fault for making things worse. 

 On your better days, at least he lets you help by passing you the more menial side of his job. You do the bulk of them in your room, as you get distressed the moment you step out, but you get it done. You are occupied. 

 On some days, he hounds on you more to the point he has brought you to tears, or there are some days that he is withdrawn and you cannot get anything from him but he manages to claw his way out of whatever corner he is and be there for you. 

He seems keen on trying to be there, unwilling to leave you alone for a long time. His eyes are always on your every movement and you feel this pressure to suddenly be alright, though you fail at times when you get hit with intrusive thoughts and they take over your senses. He has done his best to remove the sources of your anxieties, though the bathroom cannot be physically removed. He did cover up the bathtub, and instead, brings a huge bucket you can use to wash yourself when you are able to. 

 He has replaced the servants, and they work behind the scenes and quietly so that they do not alarm you. 

 You have not talked with him properly, and you desperately want to, but there always seems to be tension between the two of you when it is not about just getting through the day. 

 You miss him, even if he is here for you more than he was when he became the Hokage. 

 You are sure that he does too, and you can glimpse it from his eyes, from the way they look so hurt whenever he addresses you. 

//

You learn of Kimiko being transferred into an underground cell that will keep her isolated from the rest of the village from the whispers of the servants. At first, you are not really sure what to make of it, you feel nothing towards it. Then, the anger comes. It washes over you, from your head, through your veins and out that when you come to, you are suddenly holding your sword that you now keep under the bed. 

 You brandish it out, and you stare at your decimated self on your blade. It feels like you are looking at a whole other person. 

 It is reckless. 

But at that moment you do not care. 

 Having a purpose brings back a breath of life in you, and you feel something blossoming inside your chest. You feel vindicated, and you draw strength from this. 

 Your hands shake, and your thoughts start to jumble and it is unable to pinpoint anything else because it zones into your new goal. If you can accomplish it then all these bad feelings will go away. 

 The thought repeats in your mind, over and over again. Obsessively. 

 They are talons, taking you by hostage and the next thing you know, you are running outside, jittery as you take to the rooftops, and scanning the ground to see if you can track them on the move. Everything is moving so fast, every movement becomes blurry to you. 

 The feeling is unbearable, but your feet get you there. The underground prison is hidden near the Hokage mountain, and it is also near Tobirama’s lab, which conveniently connects him underground to the Hokage office. 

 Tobirama is there, stoic shoulders and a hard expression on his face that will not betray him, even in under extreme duress. He senses you, because he always does and he turns to your direction. 

 You draw your sword, alarming the ANBU guards surrounding Tobirama. 

“What are you doing here?!” Tobirama barks in the voice that he uses as the Hokage. 

 You stride over, and you spot Kimiko behind the ANBU, in chains. 

Tobirama steps in front of you to block you from her. 

“Move,” you say, voice shaky and hoarse. 

 Tobirama steps closer to you, and he narrows his eyes fiercely. “Stop this.” 

Kimiko starts to laugh, and that snaps the last shred of your reason. 

 You wind your arm back, and you throw your blade hard towards Kimiko. It heads straight for her in a blink of an eye. 

 “No!” Tobirama bellows. 

An ANBU guard steps in the way, and your blade pierces through their left shoulder. It would have gone straight towards Kimiko’s heart, but the guard is taller and was caught by the torso, and in between their lower ribs.. 

 Blood sprays and the sight makes you pale. 

Your trembling hand comes up to cover your mouth in shock. 

 “Oh no,” you whisper. 

You just hurt someone by accident. 

 Tobirama scans the situation closely, and when he sees you step towards the guard that you injured, he grasps you by the shoulders and turns you around. 

 “Go,” he commands. “Go home.” 

 You look towards your husband in panic. “I...I didn’t–”

 “I said go home!” Tobirama snaps in a voice you have never heard him use for you. He uses his body to block the sight and he stares at you with a hard expression. 

Hot tears threaten to spill, but you turn your head away so that Tobirama does not see. You know what you did, but it is still hard to comprehend what you actually did. It feels like another person has hijacked your mind and made you do this, but you see with your eyes what your own hands have done. 

In a daze, you walk away, and you wander around the village, disoriented and feeling very numb and cold inside. 

//

Tobirama comes home late, expecting to find you there, but the house is dark. A cold feeling washes over him. This day has been very long and disturbing, and all he wants is to talk it out with you, even if it ends with a fight. He just wants you, but you are nowhere to be found. 

 Tobirama storms out of his house and into the Senju compound. He circles it, and he infuses his chakra at the same time to find you, but you are not here. You are heading towards the edge of the village, towards the forests and the training grounds. 

 He rushes to your direction without any thought or hesitation. 

He finds you staring towards the dark forest, a hand on a tree bark. 

 From this distance, you look like a ghost. 

 Tobirama cannot come closer. It is like there is a force field preventing him from walking towards you. His throat thickens with emotion, but he stays there, just to make sure you are alright. 

 “Are they...going to be all right?” You ask in a flat tone. 

 “Yes,” Tobirama replies honestly. “Though you missed their heart by a few centimeters.” 

You close your eyes, and press your hand against your forehead. “I never…”

 “Yes, you did. You had every intention of killing Kimiko,” Tobirama outrightly says. 

“Do not put words in my mouth,” you tell him. 

 “That is what I inferred from earlier,” Tobirama says, and you hear him step closer. “You were different. That was not you, and you need to manage your emotions or this will worsen. Almost killing someone by accident will just be the first one.” 

You turn towards Tobirama. “Isn’t that too easy for you to say?” 

 Tobirama is unexpectedly calm, but you can see from the moonlight’s wan silver shine on his face that he is hurt. “No, but it is the truth.” 

You press your lips together. You want to fight. You want to yell, and yet Tobirama, of all days he has chosen to not provoke you, is making it hard. You wish that the two of you can just scream this out, but it is difficult when Tobirama surprises you with a more empathic approach. 

“We both faced loss,” Tobirama tells you in an even voice. “But this is not the way to act.” 

 “I cannot act how you want me to.” 

 “Of course not.” Tobirama holds out his hand to you, his palm facing the night sky. “But you must allow me to act as your husband.” 

You stare at him, a little bewildered. Your heart swells, and finally, you let all the emotions that you have been keeping locked flow through your heart. 

 It hurts. It hurts so much. 

Instead of the numb feeling that fills you with emptiness, you feel every pinprick of your pain, your confusion, your loss. You let that night run over your whole body, but instead of turning it to anger, you feel something else. 

 A strength that you know you have always owned. 

 Acceptance. The ability to put one foot in front of the other. To try again.

  And the most important thing, forgiving yourself. 

Tobirama waits, his hand still outstretched. 

You look up to him, and you notice how beautiful he still is, even underneath all that anguish. You come to him, and you place your hand on top of his, and you hold on to him. 

 Like he wants you to. 

Tobirama lets out a sigh, and he pulls you closer to him. 

You let him, because you know you need him. You rest your head on his shoulder. 

“How do we do this?” You whisper. 

 Tobirama stares into the night, letting his mind carry him far away for a moment. There are not many instances where he feels helpless and so unknowable, but that is the limit of being human. 

 “I do not know,” he replies with candor. 

He puts a hand behind your neck, and he presses you closer to him, despite his body aching and crying to just let go of everything and to push you away. “But you have all the time you need to take. We do not have to do anything.” 

 “Okay,” you close your eyes as you feel his voice vibrate inside his chest. 

Tobirama glances down at his wife. You both share this sadness together, but you now have each other. Neither of you have to be alone. 

“Okay,” Tobirama reaffirms, and he lets out a sigh of relief when you slowly wind your arms around him to hold on to him. 

To be continued...

Chapter 10: Epilgoue - The World As He Fixed It >> 

[eatsleepandsupernatural]

Saved - Chapter Eight

Saved Masterlist

Pairings: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader

Warnings: Character Death, Angst, Character Resurrection, excerpts from 14x08

Word Count: 2,243

A/N: Hey! The following chapter does contain some aspects of the Supernatural episode Byzantium. I would like to just state that I do not own those particular paragraphs of this chapter or of course the characters (but we already knew that). You probably didn’t expect the chapter to go this way, it was my plan from the beginning because of an idea I had, can’t tell you yet. Anyway, hope you don’t mind and I hope you enjoy! XX

Tags: @akshi8278​ @goddessofmischiefs​ @flutistbyday2020​ @samsgirl93​

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

   Tossing and turning, surrounding yourself with your Alphas scent, no matter how hard you tried, you can’t sleep. Your thoughts are on Jack, the image of him collapsing on the floor, coughing up blood, is replaying over and over in your mind. He had quickly become your closest friend, keeping you company while Sam and Dean went on hunts. You had made a habit of sneaking into the ‘Dean Cave’, cooking up some popcorn and watching movies for hours at a time. The way Jack’s eyes fixed on the T.V like an excited puppy always made you smile. You had barely known him, but the memory of him passing away, his hand grasped firmly in yours, was overwhelming. 

   You shove the covers off and leave your room in search of Dean and some comfort. You had gone to bed once he and Cas brought Sam back safely after he had left the bunker, feeling the need for some alone time. Hours have passed and your need for your Alpha grew stronger every second. 

   You find him passed out in the kitchen, surrounded by empty glasses and half drunk bottles of whiskey, snoring louder than you had ever heard. 

   ‘Dean...Dean, you shouldn’t sleep here.’ You speak softly into his ear and gently shake his shoulder in an effort to wake him up. ‘Dean.’ 

   ‘I don’t think he’s waking up anytime soon, Y/N.’ You turn around to face Cas, who is watching you from the doorway. ‘Why are you awake?’ 

   ‘I never went to sleep, couldn't.’ You admit quietly, knowing what was going to come next, silently wishing it was Sam who had found you. 

   Cas glances between you and Dean before sighing and holding out his hand, ‘It would be unfair to wake him now. Come on, I’ll get you settled.’ 

   You place your hand in his and let him lead you back to your room, but you don’t make it easy for him, dragging your feet along the way. There is no hiding the fact that you are frustrated with him, with everyone. Jack is dead and they are still hiding things. You want to know why Jack was sick in the first place, and for how long. You want to know why, whenever you ask about anything supernatural related you are ignored. 

   ‘Y/N, what are you doing? Aren’t you tired?’ Cas asks when you pull your hand from his and take a few steps back to put some space between you. 

   ‘I am tired. I am tired of being kept in the dark. Did you ever think that maybe I would have been able to help Jack if I had known what was going on? He was my friend, and I lost him, and I don’t even know why. All you guys do is keep me in the dark for ‘my protection’, but one day, that’s going to come back and bite you in the arse. I may have been afraid of the idea of monsters being real when I first moved in, but I’ve seen Sam and Dean come back from enough hunts to accept that truth now. I’m ready to fight, to help. Dean, he is never going to let me near a gun. I need you to let me help, teach me to fight Cas, please.’ 

   Cas stares at you, surprised by your outburst. He frowns for a moment, deep in thought, before approaching you slowly. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. I will talk to Dean.’ 

   You roll your eyes at his response and slouch your shoulders. ‘Like that will do...Hey!’ 

   Cas cuts you off mid sentence, grabbing you around the waist and placing two fingers to your forehead. ‘Go to sleep Y/N’

   ‘Y/N, wake up,’

   ‘Omega.’ A firm hand on your shoulder and the smooth voice of your Alpha draws you from a peaceful, deep sleep. Your eyes meet Deans tired ones, the bags sitting below them prominent. 

   ‘Morning’. You sit up against the bed head, accepting the glass of water Dean offers you. 

   ‘Afternoon, actually.’ 

   ‘Stupid Angel.’ You grunt, making Dean chuckle softly. 

   ‘I had an interesting conversation with Cas this morning.’ He informs you, turning serious once again. ‘He told me you had trouble sleeping, went for a late night stroll.’ 

   ‘Didn’t realise that was something I wasn’t allowed to do.’ You shoot back. You aren’t sure where the attitude is coming from, but you are sick of Dean’s Alpha behaviour. 

   ‘I didn’t say that.’ He speaks quickly, eyes scanning your face in an attempt to read your thoughts. ‘But he told me what you spoke about, and I’m sorry. Truly. My intentions were always to keep you safe, and in doing so, I’ve pushed you away. And you’re right, chances of you holding a gun in this lifetime, or any other lifetime are pretty small. But you’re also right, that I have been letting the Alpha in me control my actions, and I have been unfair to you. If you believe that you are ready, you can be put on research duty. That means books only, no knives, no guns, no ghosts. We got a deal?’ 

   You stare at your Alpha with wide eyes, shocked and disbelieving. Dean stands up from the bed and smiles down at you, ‘You coming? You might want to get dressed. We have a guest.’ 

   You take a few minutes to compose yourself, washing your face and brushing your teeth in the basin, before getting dressed and leaving your room in search of the others. 

   The library is not how you left it last night, furniture has been moved to the side, and Sam and Dean stand next to a table in the middle of what looks to be a very intense discussion making you pause at the door and hide behind the wall, you decide waiting out the conversation is the best idea. 

   ‘Use the soul-sucking magic? Boy, that lady’s a peach.’ Dean’s tone of voice surprises you, and you realise this was one of the things he was trying to hide from you, his hunter side.

   ‘Listen, we talked about this.’ Sam interjects.

   ‘I know. Gotta happen. It’s the only way. Right. But I don’t like rolling the dice on some psycho ex-angel killer.’

   ‘I don’t love it, either, but taking risks, making crappy deals--that’s what we do.’

   ‘Yeah, and they usually bite us in the arse.’ You smile at Dean’s choice of words, remembering what you had said to Cas last night.

   ‘So, what do you want to do about it? Leave Jack in the morgue? Burn him?’ That’s the moment you realise that they were planning to do something about Jack, to try and bring him back. You had heard snippets of conversations before, you knew that both Sam and Dean had died at least once. 

   ‘I didn’t say that.’

   ‘Because, for me, not doing this--that-- that would be like letting him die all over again.’ At Sam’s words your heart almost breaks all over again and you struggle to hold back tears. 

   ‘I want Jack back, too okay? I do. I just don’t trust Lily. Especially with my little eavesdropper.’ 

   If you hadn’t had that conversation with Dean ten minutes ago, your heart would have dropped to your stomach. You straighten your back and peek around the doorway with a small smile on your face. ‘I didn’t want to interrupt.’ 

   Dean rolls his eyes but waves you over, and you reach him the same time Cas comes up the steps looking more than stressed. 

   ‘You got a twenty on Jack?’ Dean asks, eyes pleading for a yes.

   ‘Not exactly. Angel Radio is playing a distress signal.’ 

   ‘Awesome’, He replies, letting his arms fall, surely mirroring his disappointment. 

   ‘All of Heaven’s gates are open, even the ones that Metatron closed.’

   ‘What could that mean?’ Sam asks.

   ‘I don’t know but it’s not good.’

   ‘More awesome.’ Dean says, making you reach out and grab his hand giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

   ‘All right, well you go. We got Lily. When we’re ready, we’ll pray.’ Sam says, hoping that the solution will be enough.

   Cas shares a look with Sam and Dean before walking away and to do whatever he had to do. 

   ‘What’s going on?’ You ask, turning back to face the two Alphas.

   ‘We may have a way to bring Jack back. It’s risky, but we figured it’s worth a shot. You can hang around for now, but if I need you to leave later, you have to trust me. We’ve never done this before Y/N.’ 

   You are tempted to argue but something in Sam’s eyes makes you change your mind. He is watching you carefully, eyes wide, pleading with you to reassure Dean that you’ll listen. 

   ‘Got it, just tell me to go make myself some lunch, and I’m gone.’ As soon as you see Dean’s entire body relax you know you have made the right decision and Sam shoots you the biggest smile, to which you respond with an eye roll. It’s as if they don’t believe you can behave. 

   ‘Alright, hand me that glass bottle would ya?’ Dean gestures behind you as he moves to fiddle with some paint and a bowl on the table. 

   You pick it up, inspecting the clear liquid inside before handing it over and you and Sam watch as he pours the liquid in and stirs the paint around. He picks up the bowl and holds out a piece of paper for him to copy from and you watch in awe as Dean expertly paints a large symbol on the wooden floor. 

   ‘The instruction manual’. You had been watching Dean so closely you hadn’t heard the footsteps of another person approach the three of you and you jump away in shock as she hands an old leather-bound book to Sam. 

   ‘It’s alright Y/N,’ Sam reassures you before turning to face the older woman who you assume must be Lily gives you a questioning look before turning back to Sam. ‘Thanks. All right, we’re almost set. Just got to get one more thing. I’m gonna go grab it.’ He says, he gives you a second reassuring smile before walking off. You watch him go, as he does, he grabs Dean’s attention and nods in the direction of you and the strange woman. 

   Dean puts the bowl and brush down on the ground as he stands up and walks towards you, watching where he steps. He gives you a quick smile before addressing Lily.

   ‘You know, I think we got off to a bad start. Um, I guess I should be thanking you.’

   ‘Apology accepted.’ You frown at Lily’s response and her attitude towards your Alpha, but you stay quiet, unwilling to test any boundaries on the first day. ‘Are you going to introduce me?’ 

   ‘Uh, right. This is Y/N, my mate. Y/N, this is Lily Sunder, an old...acquaintance.’

   ‘Nice to meet you.’ You nod from your corner with a small smile, not a fan of strangers. Lily was a beta, but she gives off a weird vibe that makes you uncomfortable. 

   ‘There, you’re acquainted, great. Except, something’s been bothering me. Uh, you know, if this magic of yours is so great...why’d you stop using it? You’re letting yourself get old. You’re letting yourself die. Why? Why risk going to hell if you don’t have to? There’s something you’re not telling us.’

   You raise your eyebrows at Dean’s words and look to Lily, waiting for her answer. Is this magic too risky to use on Jack? 

   ‘When Ishim took my daughter, I swore I’d kill him, even if it meant burning my entire soul. But it didn’t. I have a sliver, a whisper of my soul left.’

   ‘And?’ Dean prompts, getting impatient.

   ‘May--my daughter, my little girl--is in heaven. And if there is still a piece of my soul...Now do you understand?’ 

   You are deep in thought when Sam comes back carrying a box filled to the brim with candles. You watch as he places them down at different points on the symbol like he had done it hundreds of times before. 

   ‘Sweetheart.’ Your head whips up at the sound of Dean calling from the other side of the room, breaking you from your thoughts. ‘Why don’t you go make yourself that lunch we talked about.’ You glance back over to Sam who’s already looking at you, one eyebrow raised, a reminder of your promise. 

   ‘I was getting hungry anyway. You know where I’ll be if you need me.’ Sending your Alpha one last long look before making your way to the kitchen. 

   You take your time, deciding to make a pasta salad, one of your favourite home-made dishes from before your parents became alcoholics. 

   Twenty minutes later, one potato salad and a cup of tea, your curiosity gets the better of you. You quietly make your way down the hallway and poke your head around the corner to see Jack sitting up on the table saying words you don’t understand, Sam and Dean standing either side of him. 

   ‘Was that my soul?’ He asks, looking up at Dean.

   ‘How do you feel?’ Dean queries, his hands hovering over Jack as if he is expecting something to go wrong. 

   ‘Good. I feel...good.’

   Sam smiles as Dean gives Jack a quick hug.

   ‘It’s good to have you back’, he says with his hand resting on Jack’s shoulder. 

   You are about to join them when you notice Lily sitting in your favourite chair, umoving.

   ‘Lily, thank you,’ Dean speaks from beside Jack. 

   ‘Yeah. Lily..’ Sam’ voice is halted when he sees Lily. 

   ‘Lily?’ Dean calls once more but there is no response. 

   ‘How about Jack and I go back to his room, I can help him get settled?’ You ask tentatively from the door. 

   The Alpha’s turn to face you faster than you thought possible. ‘How long have you been standing there?’ Sam asks, his lips twitching as he tries to hold back a smile. 

   ‘Long enough. I got bored.’ You smile at Jack who slowly turns around to meet gaze.

   Dean rolls his eyes at your excuse for leaving the kitchen but keeps his opinions to himself all the same. ‘You wanna hang out with Y/N for a bit Jack? We’ve got some clean-up to do.’

   Jack nodded, ‘I like the sound of that,’ he says getting off the table and making his way over to you on wobbly legs. 

   ‘I’ve changed my mind, why don’t we break into Dean’s room instead.’ You suggest, wagging your eyebrows at him in excitement.

   ‘Can we watch Star Wars? I like that one.’

   ‘Jack, we can watch anything you want.’